Is DeAnna Too Masculine On The Bachelorette?

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It’s impossible to know what it feels like for DeAnna on the Bachelorette. The stress must be intense, and the pool of men she has to choose from are not amazing. At least two of the men, Jason and Jeremy, seem like actual grown-ups, but neither seems to have the ease and masculinity it would take to forge a relationship with DeAnna – who likes to call all the shots and hang out in her masculine energy. She acts more like the hostess, telling the men where they should be, what they should do, driving to them, getting places first to greet them, and even driving them around!

Is it any wonder the man she’s most obviously attracted to – Graham, who’s sexy for sure – is the one LEAST able to even KNOW what a relationship is? Much less BE in one? Or commit to one? Or ask DeAnna to commit to HIM?

I have my fingers crossed that she’s totally aware of what’s going on, and that she’s choosing between Jason and Jeremy while holding on to the two men (Graham and Jesse) who she feels most comfortable taking all the way to the end and then dropping. She’s made this whole season about never leading anyone on the way she was led on last year, when she was the presumed favorite and then dumped.

So – what are the red flags for Jesse and Graham?

Jesse is a professional snowboard competitor, a man who travels the world, in a world where there are women groupies following his every move. Does DeAnna seem like the type of woman to pack up and follow her man across the globe, watching him compete, watching the girls surround him? Not likely.

And then Graham – a man who’s never been in a relationship that lasted more than a few months, who is almost totally focused on himself. A man who makes DeAnna feel, more than anything, a YEARNING for him (she described it as the feeling of a girlhood “crush,” with tons of chemistry.)

Okay – this is great if what you’re looking for is a fantastic affair. This is amazing stuff – these feelings. What makes these last episodes worth watching is to see whether DeAnna chooses feeling “loved” – as she described the way she feels with Jeremy – or feeling “butterflies and yearning.”

Now let’s talk about the masculine, defended parts of DeAnna’s personality that make it so difficult for a truly masculine energy man to want to be with her in a lifelong marriage, and why she seems so attracted to immature and emotionally unavailable men, and – most important – how she seems, right before our eyes, to be working through those problems with the men on the show…



  1.  #1Heidi - Kirsten Beach on August 12, 2009 at 7:00 am

    Hello Rory, I sometimes recognise myself as DeAnna…somehow I am attracted to men who need me, but its time to stop some of that. On Saturday I am ordering a massage from a male masseur, then I DO NOT have to be De Anna, or talk or do anything just receive and FEEL good. Thank you for a great site and heartwarming newsletters. Much love Heidi, Norway

  2.  #2Rori Raye on August 13, 2009 at 10:37 am

    Thank you Heidi – Happy Massage! Love, Rori

  3.  #3Trisha on November 7, 2009 at 9:23 pm

    Dear Rori,

    i’ve been using your tools for almost 2 years.

    What do you do when you start use your feeling messages, soften up and then he uses it all, in a sense, “against” you?

    What i mean is…he now knows how you “feel” because you’ve opened up and told him, for example, how you’ve been feeling jealous, or scared or unhappy and how it makes you feel uncomfortable and feel insecure and angry ( this is why you were closing up and going into “masculine” energy in the first place)

    You say it calmly without attack or drama just like you suggest.

    Then…he USES this information to then manipulate the relationship so he can be the one in control!! Which causes you more reasons to want to hold back and cover up what you’re really feeling! ~thanks ~