Do You Keep Thinking About A Boyfriend From The Past?

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Here’s a great guest post from Virginia Feingold Clark:

Do you daydream about reconnecting with a boyfriend from the past? Do you search Facebook and the internet looking for any piece of information you can find out about him? Are you obsessed with the idea of meeting him again and rekindling your love?

It can be painful and frustrating to long for some one who isn’t there with you and it can make you feel depressed and unhappy with your life.

There are reasons why your mind will keep “defaulting” to a past relationship and it’s important for you figure out why so you begin to find peace in the present.

Are you’re simply lonely and feeling discouraged about your chances of meeting a man you can love?

Is it easier for you to think about a man you know rather than going out and finding one?

Maybe you’re going through a hard time with your current boyfriend and you start to feel anxious and worried that he may not be “the one.”

When You’re Unhappy In The Present, It’s Not Uncommon For Your Mind To Begin To Reminisce About The Good Times You’ve Had With Someone In The Past.

It gives your hurting ego a boost as you remember the “good ole days” when you felt loved. You remember the good times and forget the bad. It seems that the same loving feelings are still there and they are attached to that man.

You tell yourself that he was the right man for you all along.

You wonder what it would be like to see him again, how he would look, what you would wear, how good it will feel.

But ultimately, all this going back to the past is very unsatisfying and will leave you feeling helpless.

Spending your time and energy thinking about someone who in reality you don’t know anymore is one way to AVOID the present moment and your relationship problems.

Ask yourself if you are being realistic in wanting to go back to someone who has now moved on and is pretty much of a stranger.

If it was meant to be, you would still be with him!

There was a reason the two of you didn’t stay together, and if you saw him again, that same reason would probably still be there.

Men will come and go out of your life and it will sometimes be painful.

But there will come a time when you find the one who sticks and he will be the one who is right for you.

I love Virginia, and I love her book – “It’s Never Too Late To Marry.” You can get her free newsletters and even talk with her at her site

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 6:51 am

    I love Virginia. She is the one who wrote the cat analogy

  2.  #2Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 6:53 am

    Just posted an email from her on the previous article: Are you Abel to Receive

  3.  #3Emoticon on July 25, 2011 at 7:18 am

    I feel bad about it but i DO think about my ex too much. It’s terrible!! It happens until i find someone new to think about. But it feels like a crutch that I don’t need.

  4.  #4Daria on July 25, 2011 at 7:26 am

    yeah buddy!

  5.  #5Emerson on July 25, 2011 at 7:29 am

    Gah…I do this too. I don’t really want to be back with any of them, but I feel “homesick” for the relationship and actually the physical house that we used to share…. 🙁

    But I know I don’ want to go back to the relationship. Just homesick for that chapter…a lil bit….

  6.  #6Corin on July 25, 2011 at 7:32 am

    He’s only my ex of a few hours but maybe I should try to stop thinking about him? I am on match and trying to stay on my horse.

    Just watched the John Gray video (thanks FW). I’m making so many links to miscommunications between us. We broke up just after I’d had 2 weeks of the most stress ever at work. He was really stressed at work too. Now my NVs are coming out and saying I should have believed that he loved and accepted that he loved me in the ways that he was able to do. I gave up on him, stopped trusting in him and believing in his love. Then he gave up on me because he didn’t believe that he could make me happy. I feel so sad that we couldn’t be happy together. He’s coming to pick up his stuff one night this week and to decide what we are going to do with our flights to Rome, Italy. I keep hoping we can work things through when he comes over. I want to be happy so much and I don’t want to give up on him but I did and I can’t take that back now. I’ve said it, it’s broken. So much pain and regret.

    Believing that I will be happy in the future. The relationship was both of our responsibilities. We both tried our best. I did so well at leaning back. We actually I wasn’t leaning back because I missed him and thought of him when we went for days without seeing each other.

    Sirens, how much time do you believe it is reasonable to expect from your partner when they have a serious job (he was Chief Inspector in the Police)? My NVs are telling me that I was asking for too much. I suppose it’s that they need to WANT to spend time with us and they only do that when they believe they can make us happy or else they give up.

  7.  #7miskwa on July 25, 2011 at 7:33 am

    Yep, guilty as charged. My partner of 12 years and I very extremely compatible. We shared many core values. The relationship broke up because I had to go West to take a job. It was that or have no health insurance or retirement. I was in my 40’s. It is not that I have not tried to find someone, it is that our values are light years apart and society in general is a lot less civil than it was when I met Vern at age 32. I am a professor, farm, run ultras, and am a staunch environmentalist who lives her values. Most guys I find IRL or on line are into ski resorts (environmental/socioeconomic disasters) do not want to live here, and are seriously conservative. I have experienced a dissappearimg guy, two cheaters, and the last one, an ultra conservative with zero work ethic, I dumped because he hated my cats (which I have always had) and threatened them with physical harm.

  8.  #8Emoticon on July 25, 2011 at 7:37 am

    Corrine, have no expectations of what will happen when he comes over. Don’t contact him. Don’t remind him to come get his stuff. Remind yourself that no matter what happens, or will happen you will be okay.

  9.  #9Lilybelle on July 25, 2011 at 7:40 am

    Emerson from previous thread:


    I would like to encourage you to communicate with said dudes, at the very least. I have to force myself too as I have a big wall of FEAR that I am trying to break down.

  10.  #10Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 7:41 am

    Hugs Miskwa

  11.  #11Emoticon on July 25, 2011 at 7:43 am

    I’m sorry i meant Corin* … I am so used 2 spelling my friend Corrine’s name out. lol. My apologies! I don’t like it when people mis-spell or mis-pronounce my name at all!

  12.  #12Daria on July 25, 2011 at 7:44 am

    i am now on ‘
    pof and getting the desired attention from men!!

    and now i can put on some music and really have it going!

  13.  #13Emerson on July 25, 2011 at 7:46 am

    9 @ Lillybelle thanks, I will communicate with them and see where it goes…

  14.  #14Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 7:55 am

    Lilybelle how is the situation with your office after that storm?

  15.  #15Lilybelle on July 25, 2011 at 7:59 am


    My office is back up and operational. I was displaced for three days and had a ton of wet files but the photgraphs were saved. Not a drop of water touched them.

    Thank you for asking!

  16.  #16Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 8:17 am

    That’s great to know Lil.

  17.  #17Starla on July 25, 2011 at 8:37 am

    I keep being reminded of exes this week. My most recent ex’s friends are still on my facebook and have been IMing me trying to talk to me. My friend says they’re trying to ‘poach’ me and go out with me/sleep with me. How lame. He deserves better friends than that.

    Then I went to an art show on Saturday and his ex’s paintings were all over the walls. Son of a …

    Then the next day I went to a huge concert with hundreds, maybe even thousands of people in attendance, and of all people, who do we park next to in one of the half dozen huge lots? LI’s parents.

    What is the message here? Is it that I need to take more time to ‘get over’ these two recent guys? Or is it that life goes on and to just be okay with it? I dunno

  18.  #18Ella on July 25, 2011 at 9:12 am


    Just found J’s top as well. So now I have his pasport and his top here.

    Well I guess he’ll want them at some point.

    At the moment I still feel slightly panicky in my stomach… just generally. I don’t know why.

    I think that the thing I find most triggering about this is the thought that he thinks I am a bad person, or that he doesn’t love/want me.

    I can’t explain why this is so triggering to me.

    It just feels awful. And icky.

    Can’t understand why these negative feelings keep coming up…

    I wonder if he’ll be back again… most of the other men do.

    I am still toying with the idea of sending him a link to the previous blog page at some point, although I feel unsure.

    I guess I just want to be seen. Like the truth… the real me… and accepted.

    Ok so that is what I want…

    So I am feeling insignificant and unloved.


    Want to tidy up soon.

    Might do it now.

  19.  #19DE on July 25, 2011 at 9:15 am

    Beautiful post Virginia.

    Yes, I’ve had…:(

    And lots of dreams…painful dreams…

    This is the song that really speaks to my heart in these kind of moments…

    ~My All~

  20.  #20LobbyStar on July 25, 2011 at 9:15 am

    I work with my latest ex, so I see him a 2-3 times per week. I still feel attracted to him, and I remain on friendly terms with him. I find that as long as I’m CDing, I don’t wish so much for reconciliation. But sometimes I still want him back.

  21.  #21Ella on July 25, 2011 at 9:36 am

    D you know what in all honesty I just felt off balance the whole time I spent with J… Great, fun, chemistry – yes… but off balance too.

    This is not what I am looking for.

    Consistent, comfortabe pleasant feelings… that is what tells us we are onto a winner.

    I feel heavy inside these days… I think I was massively attracted to his ‘freeness’ if you know what I mean… he seems to be an optimist.

    Just observing and wondering if these are things I need to cultivate in myself?

    But not sure he could handle my realness…

    Honestly think my directness and feelings were too much for him at times he did not know what to do… and maybe with his own feelings.

    But still feel icky thinking that I scared him off by being too heavy and kinda ‘freaking’ a bit eg: overcome by negative voices and doubts.

    And I do wonder if I had been with someone else ie: a masc, older, step up guy… whether he would have been able to reassure me?

  22.  #22Ella on July 25, 2011 at 9:47 am

    Ladies if you have just delivered some news, such as the info about J’s brother… and things have gone kinda weird… and hyour feelings are all over the place, how would you deal with this?

    I noticed that after this he tried to make light of it all… and kept making small talk, but then the issue was still there and the small talk felt inauthenctic and icky.

    I am never sure how to react here.

    I kept expressing FMs and then he would ask me questions about what happened and it would be clear it was affecting him too.

    Should I have gone with him as he was leading the conversation onto ‘small talk’ I guess in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere. Even though I could hardly concentrate and was feeling like CRAP!!

    After expressing I kinda just went quite… I could not feign the small talk.

    So the last bit of the walk was pretty much in silence.

    I told him I felt afraid that he wouldn’t come back… and at one point I asked if I should come with him to see his brother. He said no.

    I know that this was all very needy and clingy and that is how I was feeling.

    I did catch myself and STOPPED myself in this vein and then just went quiet as I was processing.

    Then he randomly said that we would play a card game that I wanted to play and it was a standing joke that no one would play it with me…

    He said ‘don’t worry, I won’t be long, and when I get back we will play that card game you love’.

    I feel confused.

    I feel icky inside from broken promises.

    And I will be fine.

  23.  #23Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 9:51 am

    Ella maybe reading Rori’s article on the Merry Go Round of Emotions again might help?

  24.  #24Kyla on July 25, 2011 at 9:52 am

    I haven’t been able to keep up with the blog the last week. I felt overwhelmed with several urgent issues to deal with and have thankfully been able to sort most of them out quickly.

    I wanted to share an experience I had last night. I was cuddled with R and felt wonderfully close to him. He shared something with me and I melted. He asked me to share one back and I hesitated because it triggered insecurity so I told him I felt shy. He pulled me closer and said ‘that’s ok’ but at the same time I actually felt his energy pull away. I tried to melt into him again but this time I couldn’t. I looked up at him and his eyes and jaw seemed fixed. I asked was he annoyed and he said yes. I practiced facilitating his anger and we had an amazing talk without any blame or attacking, both gained better understanding and then he thanked me and gave me a huge hug which felt great. Later I was able to share an example with him and although I felt silly at the idea I also felt sexy and confident and safe to do so.

    I feel so proud of me for being brave enough to hear his anger without shutting down or running away. It didn’t feel bad at all, it felt refreshing and passionate. 🙂 I feel excited with my progress and delighted that I’ve quietened my nv’s enough to remain open and really hear R instead of letting my fears and insecurities take over and create drama.

  25.  #25DE on July 25, 2011 at 9:58 am

    I had this awful dream last week of J…I feel curious if any of you can make sense of it…:(

    The air felt muggy…

    I was inside of a home…with a woman (I don’t remember who)…felt like a friend…

    Across from the home I was in, there was a big white building…like a Court House type of thing…

    In front of it, on the side walk, there were small coffee tables and people…

    A young boy (12-14) comes to my home with a note…I read the note…and it was J asking me to meet him across the street …I told the boy angrily to tell him “no”…

    Then I looked through the window…I saw him talking to the boy…then, getting up and walking away…but, he was limping…he also looked like he lost weight and I immediately felt compassion…yet, I told myself…”what if he’s faking it…just so I would go to see him?”…so I watched him walk a bit more…

    And then, there were a group of kids …one of them attacks him…J falls to the ground hitting his head to the sidewalk and this kid was kicking him hard…and then jumped on him to bite him…

    My heart was pounding and I felt sooo much pain…I could not resist so I run to him to help him…As I got closer…the kid I initially saw…turned into a small pig…and was biting J…J was crawled up on the ground…he was not even defending much…I recall screaming and feeling soo angry…and again sooo much compassion for him…and that’s when I suddenly woke up…the pain I felt was like that of a nightmare…

  26.  #26Ella on July 25, 2011 at 9:58 am

    FW – yes sounds good.

    Which section is it under?

  27.  #27Virginia Feingold Clark on July 25, 2011 at 10:00 am

    Hi Starla,
    Great question…I’d say yes to both. When past boyfriends show up in our lives — in whatever way — it’s usually because we have more to learn from them, some unfinished business. But it’s important to remember, the lesson is not about them, it’s about you!

  28.  #29Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 10:08 am

    Kyla thanks for sharing. It brought tears to my eyes.

  29.  #30Ella on July 25, 2011 at 10:23 am

    Thanks FW

  30.  #31Ella on July 25, 2011 at 10:25 am

    Do you think he is thinking about me too?

    Or is it only me who has these strong feelings?

    How can you say you want a relationship one minute and poof the next?

  31.  #32Ella on July 25, 2011 at 10:30 am

    Am trying to feel my feelings…

    Have done the on the floor tool.

    Do you know what though right at this moment I am SO SICK TO DEATH OF MY FEELINGS!

    I’ve had enough.

    Just don’t want to feel them anymore.

    I want a cave!!!

    Don’t feel like being open to a man who has poofed.

    Feel like hitting him with things…

    Or not really. Just feel icky and annoyed.

    I want to be like Tinque.

    I’d love to get to a place when I can feel the most itense, overpowering feelings and just choose to be serene and feel peace. Choose the best thoughts and get on with my life anyway.

    I feel tired of being at the mercy of my feelings.

    I acually want to be able to manage them, rather than having them manage me. Or overcome me in a big flood.

    I am making progress… I know I am, it just doesn’t feel like it sometimes.

  32.  #33Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 10:30 am

    Ella look at your first two questions?

    He thinks, you feel that is the way it is supposed to be. If you aks me about question 1, I would say yes. Just that I don’t think they obsess like we do.

  33.  #34Kyla on July 25, 2011 at 10:31 am

    Thank you Femininewoman. I am learning a lot from you and one thing that really stands out as I’ve seen you say it many times is to not create stories. Its made me sit back and be curious and open rather than close off and assume the worst. Its a great reminder to stay present and out of my imagination.

    I have been experiencing all sorts of tears over the last week – tears of joy, loss, laughter and pain. When I re-homed my dog, went camping with the best group of friends over the weekend, watched Patch Adams, burned my hand and from various intimate moments with R. It feels so good to allow myself to feel deeply and be moved. I hid from my emotions for far too long and I am enjoying reacquainting myself with them.

  34.  #35Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 10:42 am


    You will hear me talk a lot about The Energy Exchange in a relationship.

    It works like this: Literally, if one person in a relationship is leaning forward, physically, emotionally, or energetically, the other person is

    leaning back!

    This explains how, when we move toward a man, he seems to back off.

    Although I’ll be talking about this in greater detail through these letters, you can make a huge change in your love life the moment you finish reading this by simply Leaning Back.

  35.  #36LobbyStar on July 25, 2011 at 10:42 am

    It took me several weeks to get over my ex, but I’m still working on getting over the hurt from our breakup. I want to CD him. I want to use FMs with him. I wonder if it would make a difference. Seeing him so often does not help, but having a couple good CDs does!

    When I see him nowadays, I know I’m just so smiley and glowy. Happy WITHOUT him. Looking good and feeling good. I don’t need YOU; I only need ME. That is the closest thing to “revenge” that I will ever know!

    Seeing CD#1 tonight, and CD#2 tomorrow. Woo! I love the male attention!

  36.  #37Kyla on July 25, 2011 at 10:42 am


    I wonder have you considered getting in touch with one of the coaches?

    I spoke to Tinque last week and it took her less than 30 mins to help me shake my nv’s and get me back in my body when I’d been riffing and sinking and working for weeks and only getting more and more freaked out. I felt silly and was able to laugh at myself when I hung up the phone and the fears just aren’t loud enough now to shake me. I’m looking forward to working with her more.

  37.  #38Daria on July 25, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Ella – please don’t send him a link!

  38.  #39roxy on July 25, 2011 at 10:53 am

    So how do I break away from a past relationship? What do when the guy you love tells you he is confused?

  39.  #40Ella on July 25, 2011 at 10:54 am

    I feel paranoid that the brother will have turned it around and said that it was me…

    I feel worried that he would have said something like ‘she said she likes me… and she is playing us off against each other OR she was being flirty with me…’ or some such thing.

    The reason I feel paranoid about this is because I did feel confusion and doubt… after he said he likes me…

    And because I had been drinking I don’t remember all of the conversation 100% clearly.

    And I did send him away… but then there was a point where I was wondering if he and I could have something… like a fleeting moment.

    And the whole thing with J was just feeling so difficult and I was feeling so out there and the brother said to me I must be feeling uncomfortable and he was kinda being there for me… and J was not.

    And that is when I decided to lean right back… and not try to think or DO anything or make any kind of decision.

    But I feel so guilty.

    I feel like a harlet for even having those fleeting moments of doubt or even thinking there could be something for me and the brother.

    I feel so judgemental.

    I mean isn’t that just plain WRONG!!!!!!

    I feel like I betrayed J and so I feel at fault and guilty.

  40.  #41roxy on July 25, 2011 at 11:00 am

    advice how do we overcome this issue ?

  41.  #42Daria on July 25, 2011 at 11:01 am

    Ella – i apologize for not getting it together last week to talk to u

    if u want to talk to me i am available on skype now and will likely be available from now on at times closer to yours

  42.  #43Ella on July 25, 2011 at 11:07 am

    Oh and I meant to say I don’t trust myself.

    Like sometimes I think I am fickle and quick to make connections… desperate or whatever.

    And that is one of those ICKY parts of me I don’t like to admit to.

    Like sometimes I just feel attention starved and just want the attention of men.

    And I feel judgemental of myself for that.

    I mean what if it is my fault?

    What if my energy was going towards the brother at some points and/or I was being flirty?

    I am a natural flirt without meaning to be so I often feel bad about this and it gets me into trouble.

    What if I did say ‘I like you too’ when he said he likes me.

    I don’t think I did but I feel weird because I can’t remember honestly clearly… only that he came out with that he likes me and wanted me the night we met… not his ex…

    And that is how the conversation went down that route.

    Damned tequila! Wish I could remember clearly.

    But what if it was all my fault?

    Ok and time to breath again.

    At the end of the day even if I did say whatever… and it was all my fault, I didn’t do anything.

    And if he (J) likes me enough he’ll get past this.

    But I still feel like a fraud somehow.

    I think the truth is it was a drunken, messy night and things got muddled. Things were not all easy and flowing between me and J.

    But what I did get out of the night is that I like J… and want to be with him (even if I don’t actually do relationships I want to CD him).

    I feel like a bad Jessabel though that I would even be unsure… and feel some pull towards his brother throughout the night.

    But I guess in some ways his brother was stepping up and looking after me where J was not.

    Urghhhh! This doesn’t get any less confusing.

    Feelings are like a carnival inside right now… but I can feel that I am going to stabalize… I still feel grounded somehow.

    And that is good.

  43.  #44Daria on July 25, 2011 at 11:09 am

    Ella – all these blaming thoughts have nothing to do with what attracts a man (or even this situation)

    a man will still date you if his brother likes you

    it’s happened to me, i’ve seen it happen to others, and it’s just… how it works

    a step up man does not drop out the picture

    J is not a very step up man so far

    you have jumped into the pits after him

    who cares how he feels? who cares if he’s upset with his brother?

    his brother liking you can only make him like u more…

    but it can’t make him step up if he’s not the step up type

    u jumped off the bridge and into the ‘pits’ after him

    remember what you want? walking in the sunset wiht a man?

    picture yourself on your bridge, moving towards that relationship

    and let yourself feel the heartbreak if that’s waht you feel… howl and cry it out… and make sure you’re drinking water if you cry… it helps the energy move

  44.  #45Daria on July 25, 2011 at 11:11 am

    flirting with other men does not turn a man off

    only focusing on one man and NOT flirting with other men does

  45.  #46Daria on July 25, 2011 at 11:13 am

    Ella – these are thought loops

    the feelings are in the body

    can you do Rosa’s stop sign to interrupt the thought loop?

    and then flip and replace with the thought “im on my bridge.. im healing!”

    and feel the feelings

  46.  #47Ella on July 25, 2011 at 11:23 am

    I keep wondering about if I acted like all my friends and took the approach they do.

    None of them know about leaning back and yet they seem to be happier than me. Or find things easier.

    Hmmm, I really don’t know if that is true, just exploring here.

    Ok so what my friends would have done here would be to contact him last night an hour or two after he didn’t turn up.

    They would have said something like ‘what happened, what did your brother say? Look I just want you to know that I really like you and if you feel the same way maybe we can sort this out?’

    Likely that there would be some response whether eff off you b8tch my brother says that you are whatever… or yes I do like you, but I am just finding this hard to deal with…

    If they recieved the eff off kinda response they would argue their point, ie that they didn’t do whatever it is that the brother said and try and convince him… if they didn’t succeed they would say him and his bro are both idiots… They would be angry and might send some nasty comments or unfriend them on FB and they might cry a bit but then they would move on… to the next person.

    If they got the other response they would ask to see him and then they would tell him how much they like him and want him and they would talk him around.

    Then the pair might still give it a go… and she might be extra loving for a while.

    And it seems to work.

    because I see couple that are like this around me all the time… and they are still together, and seem to love each other, even if the relationship dynamics go up and down.

    I don’t know I am just feeling doubtful.

    What if everyone is right and it is about give and take?

    Surely if J had been confused between me and one of my friends, and then chosen me… and I felt weird it would be down to him to repair that?

    Ok cutting this one short… he just called!

  47.  #48Ella on July 25, 2011 at 11:26 am


    Thank you so much.

    He just called.

    He is coming over.

    I feel nervous. And excited.

    Pleased he has made contact.

    I feel anxious about what was said between him and his brother.

    Ok, forget that.

    I feel nervous and excited and flabby!

    Weird I feel flabby.


  48.  #49Ella on July 25, 2011 at 11:29 am

    I feel sweaty palms and nervous.

    I am going to continue tidying my room.. and doing my washing.

    I still love me.

    I am going to put make up and perfume on.

    I feel nervous like tight ball in my tummy. I feel good that he called.

    He said sorry about yesterday.

    He had a mild panic thing.

    I have no idea what his brother said.

    but he is coming.

    Wow! he opened the lines of communication.

    Anyway I don’t want to make this feel too important.

    Going to do my tidying etc.

  49.  #50Daria on July 25, 2011 at 11:31 am

    Ella – i would not even talk or bring up anything about him or his brother

    that is totally his business

    honestly i would feel kinda upset that he didn’t come back and i wouldn’t want to be treated that way…

    and at the same time i would feel thrilled that he called and feel all warm and open

    and share that i felt so awful not having him come back and i don’t like feeling that way

    in a soft warm voice

  50.  #51Daria on July 25, 2011 at 11:32 am

    oh id feel so glad he said sorry!


  51.  #52Lilybelle on July 25, 2011 at 11:43 am

    “u jumped off the bridge and into the ‘pits’ after him.”

    This is what struck me the most with the whole thing.

    Our minds can do terrible things to us if we allow it. We can circle back around, completely lose ourselves in our heads and make up stories that don’t serve us well. Never mind the NV’s…they come along for the ride too.

    How to avoid this in the future?

  52.  #53Mel on July 25, 2011 at 11:44 am

    Taking a little break! My mom doesn’t land for another hour or so, so I thought I’d pop-in for a visit. hee hee 🙂

    So I’ve been contemplating something and was wondering what you ladies thought about it.

    Lately, I’ve been following Rori’s advice from the last article… basically staying away from him unless HE initiates contact. Basically just going about my business, doing my own thing. (I have a lot of stuff to do in order to facilitate the “big move”).

    He’s actually initiating a lot more conversation. When he does I try to be warm and open.

    So this week he’s staying with a friend while my mom is in town (his choice). Already, he’s been sending me messages on FB, and an email last night. I’m not reading anything into this though.

    But, I kind of want NOT to think about or talk to him this week. I feel like I need some space. Some time with no contact. As a little experiment. If I am going to be on my own, I need to get used to not seeing, calling or texting him. I was planning not to contact him this week AT ALL. But my question is… should I respond if he contacts me?

    What do you think?

  53.  #54roxy on July 25, 2011 at 11:49 am

    So what you are saying is that by you not contacting him at all is one way to make him come back and find out what you are up to?

    I am currently in the same situation. I have been in contact w my ex boyfriend but I am the one who inticially makes the contact. Should I not contact him for a week to find out what happens?

    I am usually the one who texts or calls him to see how he is doing. Please help what should i do or what advice to you give me.

    what do we need to do as girls to make him interested and want to contact.

  54.  #55Ella on July 25, 2011 at 11:55 am

    Yes Daria,

    That sounds good. xx

    Re jumping into the pits… I guess not leaning forward huh?

    Always seems to come back to this.

    And not getting so emotionally invested.

    And not sleeping with a man until I know he wants to marry me and I feel safe.

    What do you think?

  55.  #56Daria on July 25, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Lilybelle – the first step is to notice… then find a tool to try

    for me Rosa’s stop sign + a flip + feeling the feelings (they will morph fluidly and easily without the thought loops) works WONDERS to interrupt obsessive thoughts

    the image of getting on my bridge to happy ever after also really helps to not zone in on a particular man and jump in the pits

  56.  #57Mel on July 25, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Hi Roxy,

    Well for me, not contacting him is just my own personal experiment. I have no expectations on how this may or may not effect his behavior. I’m just doing it because I feel like I need some space. (Although it was him whom wanted to end the marriage).

    Definitely though, Rori would call you doing the majority of texting/calling as “leaning forward.” She recommends leaving it up to the man to do most of the initiating and then the woman responds by being warm and open. You should look for some of her past articles on the topic of “leaning back” in the blog archives.

    I’m sure other sirens can help you more with this though. Good luck!

  57.  #58FlowerChild77 on July 25, 2011 at 11:58 am

    ((Ella)) I hope you’ll feel better after talking to J, as he is coming over to your house?

    I’ve been reading your posts for a quite awhile now and the one thing I see as consistent in your troubles… drinking. Alcohol has always made me ‘weak’ and seemed to kind of ‘erase’ my better judgement. It seems to set off a chain of events (emotional and otherwise) that lead to panic and fear for you. I stopped drinking many years ago—and can’t even imagine trying to practice Siren skills under the influence of alcohol 😉

    I’m happy that J contacted you and that you can possibly find some answers and feel better. 🙂

    Giving him the ‘keys’ to your personal diary (this blog) sounds like a bad idea. As other Sirens have said, this is your safe place. Also, he would be able to read all your other posts along your journey (ie: other men you’ve been with and gotten attached to)—and may even be able to tell who some of them are. I don’t think you’d feel comfortable with that—would you?

    I’m sending out good thoughts into the Universe for your talk/time with J. <3

  58.  #59Daria on July 25, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    Ella – i would try the bridge tool as a visual – getting self out the tar pit, shaking off the tar and sparkling on bridge … what does your bridge look like? is it stone? wood, what is it… and looking at the forever after at the other side.. a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man… where you feel loved… and have all the good feelings you’ve had with all the men you’ve liked… walking towards it

    how does that feel?

  59.  #60Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    Mel I would make it an in the moment decision rather than a commitment that I need to honor. I also believe that it is okay to let him know that I want to take some space with no contact so I might not be responding to your FB messages. He might be testing your boundaries or checking how attracted you still are to him as he might be starting to feel insecure.

  60.  #61Daria on July 25, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    Mel – i say it sounds like you’re taking care of yourself and putting yourself first… while being open…

    being open doesn’t mean responding when you don’t feel like it…

  61.  #62roxy on July 25, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    Hi Mel
    Thank you. The last time I saw him was last week. But I did see him a few times before then but just hanging out and being warm and open. But last time we saw each other things went a step further if you know what i mean. At this point he says he is confused. Ido not know what to do? I really love this guy but I do not want to be the option. I mean I talk to other guys but I always seem to pursue my ex and lethim know I stil care. What do I do???
    Should I give him space and not contact him and wait for him to contact me ?

  62.  #63Lilybelle on July 25, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    53: Mel~

    I wouldn’t respond if I didn’t feel like it and I would also find a way to somehow say that you are taking some time to be with your mom this week and likely won’t be available.

    Or something like that.

  63.  #64Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    Roxy what I understand Rori saying is let him floundering even if it means both of you sitting around doing nothing. He will eventually figure it out.

  64.  #65Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    As a matter of fact Mel I just read my comment about him being insecure and it occurred to me that you don’t want it in your energy that you are punishing him in any way. I like Daria’s comment about taking care of yourself. I my mind it is as in having fun catching up with mom. And even then I would not allow her to keep talking about the problems.

  65.  #66Mel on July 25, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    Thanks ladies, that’s sort of what I was thinking. I responded to his FB message this morning… (He wished me a great week with my mom)

    “Thanks! today will be Mojito Monday 🙂 ”

    He replied: “That sounds awesome! If it’s not too awkward say hi from me.”

    I said “I will pass along your ‘hi’. Hope you have a nice week too.”

    If he sends further messages, I’ll just answer on a case-by-case if i feel like it basis. 🙂

  66.  #67Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    RE 66 Mel FB might be the last thing on my priory list this week though.

  67.  #68roxy on July 25, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    @ mel and @feminine woman
    What articles do you suggest I read to change my actions as a woman? I do not want to pursue but have him pursue me?
    What advice or techniques can I use?

  68.  #69Emoticon on July 25, 2011 at 12:19 pm


    This one helps a lot if ure not satisfied with the attention u get from ur man and what not…. i do not know the specifics of your situation so i’m not sure what to suggest.

  69.  #70Mel on July 25, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    Hey FW,

    Yes… I have definitely already told her that I don’t want to talk about him or the relationship while she’s here. I just want to have FUN!

    I did say that talking about the future (ie. job possibilities, logistics) was not off limits and I would appreciate her input.

  70.  #71Daria on July 25, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    Mel – i would really open up and use heart felt messages…

    those responses sounded like logistic masc voice ‘pleasantries’… that won’t bring healing or intimacy here or with another man…

    even just sticking in “feel” (lean body physically back, breathe, open) will change that

    mojito monday will feel so fun!

    i feel excited about mojito monday

    you may wind up getting deeper and deeper… you want to ALWAYS speak to a man from the deepest place you can access

  71.  #72Lilybelle on July 25, 2011 at 12:21 pm


    Hi Roxy~

    Yes, stop all initiating to him. And, I would start reading the blog. There are a ton of categories and subjects and you will likely find yourself shaking your head in agreement and seeing yourself in many of them.

    This is a great place for you to be to help you get your self back on track. I would start with the Power and Self-Esteem article.


  72.  #73Mel on July 25, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    Don’t worry, FB is not a priority! 😉

  73.  #74Mel on July 25, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Hey Daria,

    I suppose I wasn’t trying to create intimacy? I’ve kinda given up at this point. BUT you’re right… it’s good practice to do this with all men!


    Did you read Rori’s last e-newsletter? “What to do if you’re losing his attention?”

  74.  #75Mel on July 25, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    Have you ever felt like everything would be
    “okay” in your relationship if you could just
    really “get” his attention?

    But you find yourself struggling with yourself
    about what to do and how to behave?

    Whether to run to meet him when he comes home
    or just say “Hi,” and “How’s your day?”

    Whether to ignore him or invite him out?

    Call him or forget about him?

    Turn to him in bed and try to get something
    started again, or stay up sleepless?

    Where you start to feel like nothing you do is
    ever going to get you what you want, whether it’s
    a new man you’ve just seen or the man you’re with
    right now who’s been taking you for granted?

    And it feels like it’s just always going to be
    the same, and it’s just too much hard work?

    I know how frustrating and painful that is.

    When I was “between” men, and I either had my
    eye on a man, or there was no man in sight, I felt
    such a sense of competition with other women it
    made me feel sick to my stomach.

    I always felt so “on edge,” like I was always
    in a kind of “store window display” if a man
    showed up. Like I had to preen and be cute and
    clever to get his interest.

    And if there were lots of men, it was like
    being in a candy store with closed counters.

    I felt like I had to “go get” the men. Almost
    hunt them down – knock on the closed glass cases
    they were behind – in order to try to make

    I hated it.

    I hated the results, too.

    I often worked so hard at it that I
    successfully went home with a man, or got a date
    with a man – sometimes even a short-term

    It never even occurred to me that there was
    another way to do it.

    Until I met my husband, and I was in a mental
    place I’d never been before, where I’d stopped
    working so hard.

    My husband approached ME, and he wasn’t a

    Instead of jumping at the opportunity, or
    falling into my pit of anger and despair from all
    my past “relationships” that never worked out, I
    just Leaned Back and let him run the show and row
    the boat.

    And he never once let me down.

    Until we were married.

    Then, a new kind of need and desperation got
    a hold of me.

    After a year and a half of marriage, he pulled

    And there I was, stuck.

    It wasn’t like another one of those Imaginary
    Relationships where he’d walk away after 2 months.

    We were MARRIED.

    He was a good man, and he wasn’t going

    And yet, all I could see ahead of me was this
    empty, cold, angry life – not at all the romantic
    dream I’d expected when I married him.

    And that’s when I put two and two together.

    ***Self-esteem is the key to getting love from a
    man. If you don’t feel good about yourself, you’ll
    almost automatically be attracted to and attract a
    man who doesn’t feel good about himself, either –
    and so he will be incapable of loving YOU.

    No matter how much you do or how sweet and sexy
    you are, and how many things you do and say the
    “right way” you will never change your
    relationship until you start to change the way you
    feel about yourself.

    And it’s actually EASY! And FAST, too.

    My Heart Connection Toolkit is designed to help
    you do that – to raise your self-esteem and get
    you believing the truth – which is that you are
    FABULOUS, and you CAN have EVERYTHING you want.

    The Toolkit is all about raising your self-esteem
    – from the inside out, and from the outside in,
    too – by using words and body language with men
    that will HELP you raise your self-esteem instead
    of beating it up.

    It will help you put two-and-to together, like I
    finally did, and it comes with a risk-free
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    In that awful time when my marriage went
    downhill, my husband was actually the same man
    he’d always been.

    It was ME who’d CHANGED.

    And I hadn’t changed for the better.

    Instead of the happy, busy, Leaned Back girl
    he’d met and courted, I was now focused entirely
    on HIM.

    He was the only man around. So I’d gone back to
    working hard, rowing the household and the
    relationship boat, and worst of all – feeling sad,
    lost, angry and ANXIOUS, and making him wrong
    every chance I got.

    No only couldn’t I get his attention in a
    romantic way, I couldn’t get his attention in ANY

    All his attention came through talking about
    work and watching television or playing with the
    cats and our baby.

    It was as though there was NOTHING PERSONAL

    I was making so many mistakes, it’s hard to
    cover them all here, so I’ll focus on one major
    mistake that’s easy to turnaround, like I did.

    The Mistake is: Focusing On What You Don’t HAVE
    Instead of what you Don’t WANT

    When you first read this, it may seem hard to
    tell the difference, but the difference is
    actually HUGE.

    This feeling I had of not being touched, or
    loved, or appreciated, or cared for just FILLED MY

    Whenever my husband passed by me in the
    kitchen, or to turn on the TV or the fan or the
    light, I could FEEL this pain in my whole body.

    Sound familiar?

    It was as though I was ACHING. Longing. Like a
    heroine in an old romance. Like I’d been kept away
    in a dungeon or a tower and no one could reach me.

    And yet he was right there.

    And he couldn’t, or wouldn’t reach across the
    foot of space between us to connect with me.

    And so everything I thought and everything I
    did was around that one feeling.

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    record, on the wish that if he’d reach out to me,
    just once, the evil spell would be broken and I’d
    come alive again.

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    To feel something besides longing.

    And the more I felt this aching longing, the
    more I tried to reach out to him.

    And the more he rejected me.

    He wasn’t in the mood for anything remotely

    And the more this happened, the angrier I got.

    And the angrier I got, the more feelings filled
    my body that I couldn’t DO anything with.

    Oh, I could complain to my friends, I could go
    to a therapist, I could stamp and scream in my car
    and pound pillows to get the feelings OUT, but I
    couldn’t TRANSLATE them into anything that WORKED
    with my husband.

    I felt completely helpless to change the
    outcome of anything.

    And all of this started because I BELIEVED, at
    the very beginning, that HE was deliberately NOT
    giving me what I wanted and needed.

    The moment I switched that whole thought in my
    brain, everything changed.

    And you can do it too.

    So, wherever you find yourself in this cycle of
    focusing on what you don’t have – SWITCH THAT

    Stop thinking of him as the Fountain Of Love
    that you have to “go to” to get your bowl filled.

    Switch to the thought that you Don’t Want him
    to be your Fountain Of Love and you Don’t Want to
    go over to him to get your bowl filled.

    Fountains don’t water other things and people –
    fountains water THEMSELVES.

    So, instead, picture YOURSELF as YOUR OWN
    Fountain Of Love, flowing water all over yourself,
    loving yourself, caring for yourself.

    This will help you with that aching feeling of
    not getting what you want from your man.

    And – it will do something else.

    Your man will notice that you’re no longer
    looking to him for love.

    He’ll notice you being YOUR OWN Fountain Of

    And he’ll come over to GET love from YOU.

    He’ll start hanging around to get love from
    YOUR Fountain.

    And here’s the last step in this “Thought

    Switch to the thought that you DON’T WANT a man
    who JUST wants to drink out of YOUR Fountain of

    So, to even get near you, he’ll have to turn
    himself into the Watering Can Of Love, and KEEP

    How’s that for a picture?

    I know it’s a leap.

    To go from HIM doing absolutely nothing to
    doing absolutely EVERYTHING – but that’s how it

    I know this sounds too good to be true, but it
    really will work.

    You have to be very aware, all the time, of
    where your thoughts are about and with him, and
    switching to this Fountain and Watering Can image.

    As you start to do LESS, and he starts to do
    MORE, you’ll get another surprise.

    The surprise is how great you’ll feel – not
    just about him – but about YOURSELF.

    The Fountain image gives your self-esteem a

    And as your self-esteem goes up, your
    confidence goes up.

    And YOUR CONFIDENCE will get his ATTENTION –
    without your having to DO anything!

    The thrill of really connecting with a man –
    and so quickly you’ll be amazed – is priceless.

    It’s what I want for you.

    So, if you’d like more help – an actual in-
    depth, make-this-happen-today solution to quickly
    getting what you want from your man without having
    to ask for it, take advantage of my RISK-FREE money back
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    Love, Rori

  75.  #76roxy on July 25, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    @mel and @ femininewomen
    My situation is a bit complicated. I started dating this guy for about a year. We had a great time many memories. After the year he said he was confused and needed time. I was not in contact with him for about 6 months and we just started talking again in feb. and recently hung out for a few times.

    But it seems that I am always the one pursuing him and I would like to change my habits. I want him to be interested in me but I want to do it in a way that does not push him away.

    What do I do?

  76.  #77Daria on July 25, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    Mel – its always about YOU.. the intimacy… giving up is like giving up on you… dont

    you dont have to try, but you do want to have your heart open every second of your life that you can

    and express it

    because it will nourish your soul and bring magic in your life and heal you and your relationships too

  77.  #78roxy on July 25, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    I seem to have a hard time finding the articles .. DO I find them under the categories?

  78.  #79Mel on July 25, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    Thanks Daria! 🙂 That felt good to hear!

  79.  #80Daria on July 25, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    i found a limiting belief!

    ‘stuck up women get treated badly”

    i have an image of a ‘stuck up’ diva woman and the guy slaps her, or else makes her get out the car and won’t drive her home, or makes fun of ‘that bitch’

    i don’t know if i’ve actually seen this happen or its a movie idea…


    id like to heal this!

    thank u!

    because sometimes holding my boundaries feels ‘stuck up’

  80.  #81Daria on July 25, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    roxy, yes they’re under the categories, or under the differnt months,

    this is more organized you can click on “post directory for Rori’s blog’

  81.  #82Lilybelle on July 25, 2011 at 12:41 pm


    Ohhh, I love that, Daria.

    Mel..that IS good stuff. I need to remember too!!!

  82.  #83Mel on July 25, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    I tried to post the e-newsletter for Roxi, but it went into moderation 🙁 Probably the links. It might show up later…

  83.  #84Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    RE 82 Mel you started getting them again? Great

  84.  #85roxy on July 25, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    @mel thank you
    I found a few articles to read.

    These articles are very interesting.
    I hope to learn more on how to deal with the situation. There is so much temptation when it comes to contacting him.

    I am very confident of myself. But sometimes I let my hear take over.

  85.  #86Mel on July 25, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    FW… To get the newsletters, I finally just signed up with a different email address. For some reason the system didn’t like my old one.

  86.  #87Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    RE 75 Roxy do you have a commitment or exclusivity agreement?

    Also are you dating other guys?

  87.  #88Mel on July 25, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    I’m off! 🙂 Have a great week ladies!

  88.  #89roxy on July 25, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    Currently with my ex boyfriend there is no committment nor an agreement. When the conversation begins about my feelings towards him all he says is that he is confused and does not know what he wants and time will tell everything,..
    But I really enjoy his company and feel great when I am with him,

    Is this wrong? I do talk to other guys but havent dated them.

  89.  #90Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Roxy only he can sort through his confusion for himself and on his own. Nothing you say will likely make any difference. Your best bet would be to date around and take care of yourself. Otherwise he might be feeling pressured by you.

  90.  #91Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    Your not requiring anything from him might also be adding to the confusion.

  91.  #92alias girl on July 25, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    abraham quote of the day:

    We would like you to release the word “achieve” or “earn” from your vocabulary and from your understanding, altogether; and we would like you to replace those words with the word “allow”. You’re wanting to allow your Well-being, not achieve it. It’s not something that you need to earn. All you have to do is decide what it is you would like to experience, and then allow it in order to achieve it. It isn’t something you have to struggle for or try for. You are all worthy beings. You are deserving of this Well-being.

    — Abraham

  92.  #93Kayla on July 25, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    Hello Sirens, I can’t read your feedback on my last comment because I can’t find it… but I do have some new things to tell you and explain to you… Well “pickup guy” and I were talking the other night and he told me that he felt like he was just my “makeout buddy” and he didn’t know if I felt anything more for him, I told him that I felt a lot more for him and I told him how I felt about having sex while not being in a relationship. He said he understood and he asked if I wanted to be in a relationship with him or is he just another guy to kiss? I told him that I wanted to be in a relationship with him and he said that he wanted the same but he is kinda scared because he has been hurt a lot by girls and supposeably he has heard some stuff about me but he says he hears things and then he second guesses himself because he wants to be with me, but he doesn’t know what to do, I told him that he could take a chance and he said he was scared to, I told him that it was up to him, but just know that I really like him. He said the same and that he wants to act like we are in a relationship, as in we act like we are committed to eachother, but not really be in a relationship. He said he wants to see if he can trust me and see how it would go if we were actually in a committed relationship, well I told him that that’s fine but that’s still not an actual relationship so I still wouldn’t feel comfortable having sex, he said that he understands. I honestly don’t know how to feel about this, I mean I think that him and I have pretty good communication with eachother, and I’m proud of myself for holding off on the sex for so long, and it makes me even more happy that he is okay with it. And also I feel like he feels safe with me because he expresses his feelings to me. But I’m also feeling kinda scared that he will withdraw.. Like yesterday I went to the river and I asked him to go to the river once he got off of work and he said that he would try, well he never came to the river and he never called me or texted me to let me know that he couldn’t make it. I don’t really remember him calling or texting me to let me know those things in the first place but now I’m a little more paranoid about things than I was before… Do you think this is a sign of withdrawl? And do you think being in this…. “halfway” relationship with him is the right thing to do?

  93.  #94Lost on July 25, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    I need some help, or clarity.

    Met a guy at a bar. Went on one date – he seemed nice and I decided I was open to another date.

    He texted me over the course of the next week, a lot (every day), but never asked me out. I felt frustrated and less attracted to him based on this casualness. I decided I would just stop responding, as I want to be with someone who wants to see me.

    So, on Sat, he texts at 9:30 and asks about my night. I was out and did not see it. But I go to a club where I rarely go, and what do I see? I see him there, and he is clearly into another girl. That felt really icky and more like I was back burner, and he was out hitting on girls every night.

    So, I do not go and say anything to him. I decide to just end it. He texts me the next day with a “hi” and then an hour later asking me if I was at a particular bar that night.

    I then say I was not at the bar he mentioned, that I was at the other one and that I don’t think we should proceed. I do not mention the other woman, as we are not even dating, and it is none of my business.

    Then he says that I was wearing some colored shoes. They were close enough that I say – yep, I walked in, he was with someone else and that felt icky. He then says that I walked right by him AT THE OTHER BAR and did not say hello and that he was just danceing and I was blowing things out of proportion. I respond that I was not at the other bar, and that if I had seen him I would have said hello, and that i did not say hello because he was with someone else. I also say that it is fine that he was dancing, but none of this is my bag, and that I just think we are looking for other things.

    Nail in coffin of not asking me out.

    So he then calls, I was unable to take the call as I was with a friend. I call him back, explain that he owes me no explanation, that I already thought the communication was not going so well, and that when I walked in the bar I just felt it was enough. I wished him the best.

    So…. Now I feel like I overreacted. He did not owe me anything, but it felt bad to see him going after girls, and that he already had not made it a priority to see me again. Thoughts?

  94.  #95Lost on July 25, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Just to clarify – I said I did not say hello at the bar I was at because he was distracted.

  95.  #96Kayla on July 25, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    Also I have been thinking and I realize that the reason I am feeling so paranoid about things is because this feels like a make it or break it moment to me, which means everything I do is going to make me think “oh is this pushing him away, or pulling him in closer?” If you know what I mean, this makes me feel kinda needy and therefore scared… Is this setting off a bad vibe to him? And does anybody have any advice on what I should do to pull him closer and what I should do to feel more confident??? Thanks (:

  96.  #97Corin on July 25, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    8- Emoticon, thank you for your kindness and support. It means a lot xxx I will be good no matter what, I’m bathing myself in so much love that only other love can get through to me.

  97.  #98English Woman on July 25, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Wow I just wrote an email to LDL (long distance lover) who I haven’t seen since Hawaii in Feb. 2008, he said he was making plans to come over here to the UK to visit me and for the first time ever in the 8 years (!!) since I first met him with our on/off (mostly off) imaginary relationship I told him how I really feel about him coming here…….fear, anxiety, nervousness, shakiness……….normally I would have been a smart a** boy, but today I opened up my heart and I feel so vulnerable and yet……….even if he doesn’t reply or replies in the negative it doesn’t matter as I have not been emotionally attached to him for some time and he can be my online CD.

    Thank you all and especially Rori for giving me the courage to be myself. 😀

  98.  #99roxy on July 25, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    What advice would you give me ? Do I stop the communcation for a couple of weeks to find out if he will pursue me or miss me?

  99.  #100roxy on July 25, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    As women do you think we scare or push a confused guy away when we tell him how we feel about them? if so why?

  100.  #101alias girl on July 25, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    #92 English woman. aw. yae. i feel a lil teary reading that. yae for you!!!

  101.  #102alias girl on July 25, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    So i’ve really been stepping for myself and taking steps to pursue various and new career tracks and i feel very pleased with myself and dare I say, proud, of myself for taking these baby steps.

    also, i have decided to be authentic all across the board and that includes with colleagues, potential bosses etc and

    i feel really awkward sometimes. because i forget my shy side and it emerges and i feel awkward. and then i want to just bolt. (from the conversation, the room, (the universe!) or whatever.)

    also, i am noticing my set-point as far as self esteem is still really really low. i often think people don’t really want me around or enjoy me. and this ….well, it’s simply not true. .. so i am going to keep allowing more and more information to come into my consciousness that really declares that i am wanted. awwwww. tears. quivering lip. blurry eyes. tight throat. sniffle in the nose.intake of breath.

    and the false mask i used to wear (trying to be perfect, trying to cover up where i was really at financially, emotionally etc)… well i can honestly say it would feel so much more awful to be that former fake-mask-person than this current awkward, kind of loveable, isolated, on the verge of financial wealth, beginner trying new things person.

    i love all my awkward, embarrassed, shame, wanting-to-hide feelings.

  102.  #103Lost on July 25, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    anyone? Help!

  103.  #104Kayla on July 25, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    Oh and I also want to tell him that I feel like we should spend more time together because if we don’t then how are we supposed to see what it would be like if we were actually together… And I already know everything I’m going to say to him but I just don’t know how I am going to start the conversation. I’m going to say something like this:

    Okay, so I have noticed that you and me haven’t been spending a lot of time together, and I remember you saying that you wanted to see what it would be like if we were in an actual relationship, but I feel like if we don’t spend more time together then there is no way to find out what it would be like to be together and actually grow closer, whether you want to get closer to me or not is 100% up to you and I understand that sometimes you’re busy. But this is just how I feel.

    What do you guys think of this? Is there anything I should add or take out? And should I wait for him to talk to me first until I tell him this? Or should I just tell him? Sorry for writing so much and asking for so much advice, there is just tons on my mind lol. Thanks everyone (:

  104.  #105Patricia on July 25, 2011 at 3:29 pm



    just catching up on the posts and read your situation……….can you go beyond “I feel bad” and get into what you really feel……do you feel mad? angry? disgusted…..? hurt? can you start from there?

  105.  #106Starla on July 25, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    SERIOUSLY, why do his friends IM me on fb. he and i aren’t even fb friends..he unfriended me.

    he needs better friends. ones that don’t try to chat up the girl that he considered the love of his life for the year.


  106.  #107Senior Lady Vibe on July 25, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    Hello, world. Thank you tinque.



  107.  #108Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Kayla I would tell him how I remember when we used to be together regularly and how it used to make me feel. How I miss that intimacy. I would also tell him that I want a relationship where I feel like he is thinking about me or an everyday relationship where I get a text or some kind of contact as I feel turned off without contact. Then what I don’t want.

  108.  #109Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    RE 100 Many guys don’t like to talk about their feelings because they have been socialized to be strong/tough and they perceive feelings as weak or sissy. So yes. Also if you tell them that before they feel similarly they will feel pressured so they likely will bolt.

  109.  #110Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    Roxy what you do is go out and live your life. Let go of the expectations around him.

  110.  #111Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    alias girl thank you for the Abraham wisdom about “allow”. I will try to consciously do that.

  111.  #112Kayla on July 25, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    Well we didn’t used to see eachother every day, only every couple days but now that we are “acting like we are together” I just feel like we should spend more time together, or maybe I’m just being paranoid, because I saw him the day before yesterday, and wouldn’t telling him that I want to be in contact with him everyday come off to him as needy or clingy? And also should I wait until he gets ahold of me first or what? And so I should say something like:

    I remember you saying that you wanted to see what it would be like to be in a relationship with me, and I feel like if we don’t spend more time together then there is no way to do that, I need an everyday relationship where you at least contact me or send me a text. I understand that sometimes you’re busy and that’s fine, but seeing you more or talking to you more would make me feel really good.

  112.  #113Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    RE 112 That sounds like an imaginary relationship so I sense that Rori would recommend that you circular date. She also recommends taking the “you’s” out of our speeches to eliminate blame.

  113.  #114Patricia on July 25, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    I suddenly remembered why I don’t like LD relationships….a fellow I recently met on e-harmony lives over 7 hours away…..I made it clear I would consider a match within an hours drive…but he insisted he considers it a “romantic adventure” and that if two people really want it to work they’ll make it work……so I let him email…..I stayed open and let him call…..I stayed open and let him text……I did not initiate but stayed open and warm…..

    and the texts are …..”I’m riding my motorcycle…wish you were on the back”…..”I’m sorry I can’t tuck you in….”……”I bought you a small token for your birthday but I guess it will have to wait until I see you….which might be a while”…..”I was going to call and say goodnight”…….”If I was there when you woke up I’d…….”……blah blah blah……..this after only two weeks of emailing and only moved into a few days of texting……..

    I so don’t want a relationships where someone is imagining what they’d like us to do….and thinking about traveling together in the future….and sorry all the time for what he can’t do NOW..,.that feels so yuck…….I hated waiting for his call this past Sunday…..he said he had some running around to do and would call after 3 when he was done….the whole time I made myself available at home I was thinking,……”I could be going for a walk…”….I could be……….I already feel like I don’t matter….and like he can’t step up to the plate to deliver…..because he can’t,…..he’s 7 hours away…..but he’s trying to hook me into this……I feel less than and apologized too daily……this is feeling like not only an imaginary relationship on his part…..(I am not investing) but an annoying one……..

    hmmmmmm how to tell him…….

  114.  #115Kayla on July 25, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    I agree that it is kinda an imaginary relationship, but we also both agreed that we weren’t going to see other people, so should I talk to him about this too? See I’m stuck!! And I don’t know what to do.. I don’t want to start circular dating and then have him find out about it and lose my trust. What should I do?

  115.  #116Patricia on July 25, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    Kayla listen to us….we’re in a similar boat….doesn’t it feel yucky to be in it!

  116.  #117ice Princess on July 25, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    LP called and asked if we were ever going to work. He is feeling sad about the childhood friend that died last week. He got off the phone quickly because he said that the brother of this friend was calling him.

    I am in tears now. I know that I held it together on the phone but it feels horrible to hear that. I want us work but I am not sure I can be un-emotionally attached if we try again. I’m so scared.

  117.  #118ice Princess on July 25, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    Should I call him back later to see if he is doing okay?

  118.  #119Patricia on July 25, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    lol interesting….maybe I should give him more credit (after all he is 54….he should have some smarts by now)….he just texted “note to self….be careful when I use the…..words with P”……hmmmm Maybe I gave off the vibe? that something has to change…….

    I texted back that i was confused by his email but that I’d feel better if he explained it later……and to drive safe….(he’s on his bike on an evening ride to unwind)……I’ll have to sort it out when there;s more time……ha….later (of course…I knew that ! its an LD relationship…’s always later lol).

    open and warm… and warm……… la la

  119.  #120Jeannette on July 25, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    Can anyone tell me if they’ve lost a love through death….It’s been 5 weeks and I’m still miserable. The phone is quiet tonight and just missing Steve so much. Went to the cemetery today and just cried my eyes out. I come home from a hard days work and nothing to look forward to. Oh I know, I can go out and enjoy the weather, call on a friend…so on and so forth, but no one knows until they’ve experienced this that you just feel so all alone. I think it gets worse with time because people just want to see you get on with life and act all happy. Like they’ll say, “Oh did you have a good trip to your cabin?’ Well, HELL NO!!! I just lost the love of my life!!! I just feel like there is no one to talk to…

  120.  #121Emoticon on July 25, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    #97 No problem Corin, and yes you will be good because you are a Siren!

    @ Kayla #104 u should use a feeling message if u want to say anything to him. Have u read Rori’s e-book Have the relationship you want? You might wanna rethink the way you phrased it.

    Also ur comment #115 i dont think u should move toward exclusivity unless you guys r in a real relationship. A lot of us become exclusive too soon and end up in an imaginary relationship. 🙁

  121.  #122ice Princess on July 25, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    He just called me back!!

  122.  #123Kayla on July 25, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Okay well could you guys help me figure out what to say to him?

  123.  #124Lilybelle on July 25, 2011 at 5:40 pm


    Jeanette, have you considered talking with a grief specialist?

    People just don’t know what to say or what to do, Jeanette. They mean well, they do..

  124.  #125Jeannette on July 25, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    Lilybelle, I understand what you mean…just very very hard. I would have to try and find a grief specialist…in a church or somewhere?

  125.  #126Emoticon on July 25, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Kayla if u dont mind u can add me on FB “Raisa Nannerl’ i will try 2 quote as much as i can from Rori’s book that can help you

  126.  #127Emoticon on July 25, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    or u can send me ur email if thats what you would prefer.

  127.  #128tinque on July 25, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    SLV – 🙂

  128.  #129Senior Lady Vibe on July 25, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    @114: Patricia says:
    “…I so don’t want a relationships where someone is imagining what they’d like us to do….and thinking about traveling together in the future….”

    Hi Patricia, if the text in the messages is not specific to you nor responses to what you write, what you are receiving could be “newsletters.” Be careful, my dear…



  129.  #130Lilybelle on July 25, 2011 at 5:57 pm


    Look in the yellow pages under grief counselors. And yes, you can ask the clergy at your church if they can recommend one. In fact, I would bet your clergy offers something like that.


  130.  #131Kayla on July 25, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    Emoticon, My email is (: thank you so much.

  131.  #132Lilybelle on July 25, 2011 at 5:59 pm


    Not the stinking scammers!! 🙂

  132.  #133Daria on July 25, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    im feeling almost sick… im feeling angry and lost

  133.  #134Starla on July 25, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    oh jeannette…we are here for you…it’s okay to spam the blog and post whatever you want here while youre grieving. i know it’s okay to do that.

    wishing you could come over to my place to hang out and not pretend like you feel one way or another. just be.

  134.  #135Xti on July 25, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    I opened my email and laughed right out loud when I saw the title of this post. And then I turned my screen so my daughter could read it… and she laughed out loud too!

    You see, we have both noticed that the newsletters seem to synch up with what is going on in our lives – they are really timely for us. And today was no exception.

    We just came back from having lunch together where we each discussed how we’ve had an old flame on our minds this past week… to our consternation and bewilderment!

    We agreed as we sat there munching our sushi that it’s annoying to suddenly have them on our minds after long periods of blissful oblivion. We also agreed that something is up… but what, we didn’t conclude.

    Now it seems we need to do some self-discovery and try to understand why these men are taking center stage all of a sudden.

    In her case, he is physically showing up in all kinds of places, out of the blue. In my case, he’s long-distance and we’re no longer in touch…but he’s suddenly shown up in my dreams every night this past week instead of my current (hot) flame.

    She’s annoyed to be seeing him everywhere unexpectedly. I’m annoyed that I’m seeing mine at all, but especially in my dreams!

    I’m curious what kinds of things could be needing healing as we both thought we left these guys in the dust & seeing nothing but tail lights.

  135.  #136Jeannette on July 25, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    Thanks Starla, that is all I can do is to be real and allow myself to just be. You sound like a caring person. I know others care too, it’s just after a few weeks I think some people just want you to act like you’re all recovered…and I can’t act like that.

  136.  #137Senior Lady Vibe on July 25, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    @125: Jeannette says:
    “…Lilybelle, I understand what you mean…just very very hard. I would have to try and find a grief specialist…in a church or somewhere?…”

    It’s good to see you here on the blog, Jeannette. You’ve posted a few times that you have a strong religious faith. As you mentioned, contacting your church pastor might be helpful. Also continue to come here to the blog and express your feelings.


  137.  #138Emoticon on July 25, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    Hey kayla check ur email hun!

  138.  #139Kayla on July 25, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    I checked my email lol I replied back (:

  139.  #140Daria on July 25, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    wow okay i feel all anxioued up reading some of the posts

    i feel like a drive to give and help and correct.. to DO … to alleviate the anxiousness

    and im really actually feeling lonely

    and im feeling concerned for my body – thank u for being so good to me while im undergoing these ‘experiments’ on you –

    and im feeling alone, always alone so TIRED of it!

    feeling so stuck and frustrated!

    i love my stuckness and frustration

    yahhhhh i want to smash stuff with a hammer


    what would feel great right now?

    well if someone got a hold of me somehow (nv – seems unlikely, you have no phone other than house and your messenger isn’t even turned on … thanks nv… )

    and invited me out somewhere where there were people and lots of laughing that i felt connected in

    and came and picked me up

    (nv – i would feel freaked out as i would have to wake up my mom and let her know im leaving at 4 30 am )

  140.  #141Alicia on July 25, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    I agree with the artice and also disagree.

    Sometimes timing has a lot to do with it. If you have the ingredients for relationship and ended things with trust and love, I truly believe things can workout.

    Example: If someone is in the airforce and has to leave for a few months and come home. I wouldnt call that a imaginary relationship. And if you both decided to stop seeing each other so you can take care of take care of yourself.. who is to say the universe wont bring you back together again. That being said assuming things were left on a loving note.

    I would agree when relationships end with alot of problems or someone wanting out then the odds of working out are a little different.

    Every person attracts there own unique experience. And I do believe reconcilation can be possible.

  141.  #142Alicia on July 25, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    On a totally different note:

    I would like to pat myself on the back for telling a random guy in my life for the past 5 years to finally take a hike. We went from dating, to be friends with benefits to be me just strictly being friends.. And end the end even just being friends didn’t feel good either.

    After he failed to follow thru with a normaly true friend basic communication.. (He basically asked me to the lake a few days in advance, then totally blew it off) I finally stopped the dysfunctional cycly and told him. I felt dimissed and disrespected and didn’t even want to be just friends. Just friends and all my true friends feels like easy, breezy communication and for some reason this thing with him (even not having sex) just didn’t. It did not leave me feeling good.

    I was shocked I actually had the courage to cut him out. And it honestly.. the self respect for myself felt GREAT!!!

  142.  #143Patricia on July 25, 2011 at 7:01 pm


    thanks for the “warning/reminder” ,….that did cross my mind…but the texts are very specific…that’s part of the problem too…we’ve only been emailing for 2-3 weeks, texting for a couple days and all of a sudden it feel way over familiar and presumptuous……like “instant relationship”…….like we’ve already spent time together and he misses me…….WE HAVEN’T MET YET AND HAVE ONLY HAD ONE CONVERSATION on the phone ! lol……suddenly I’m his tigress….his sweety…….and he’s my monkey man……….all his words….this guys so wants to be in a relationship……lol

    just add water and tada!

    anyone ever have a guy tell you they love you within like a week of meeting and dating you……….wait for it…….in 3….2….1….

    I know I’m joking around a lot…..and I hope I’m not offending anyone….maybe by my age (49) it’s all so transparent after a while……

    so my question becomes “what am I doing to attract this?


  143.  #144Wildflower on July 25, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    I”m feeling so distressed over the no driving thing. I even feel embaressed writing about it on this blog. I’ve been dating a man who I really like so far (I feel terrified writing that–I love my terrified feeling) and I confess I’ve driven to his house a couple of times. I am visiting family and have to go to visit a sick relative during the day (which is close to where he lives). I know Rori is adament about not driving to men or going to their houses. I feel shameful even admitting this on the blog since I value her advice so much. The thing is so far I feel good around this man and hte driving doesn’t feel bad…except that I feel worried I’m screwing up and breaking some boundary and making it too easy for him. I’ve driven to other boyfriends’ homes before and they wanted to marry me (I chose not to stay with them). I’ve also had a long term man always come to my home (I never went to his and he lived down the street) and he decided after three years he didn’t want to marry me. I feel like I “should” tell this man I don’t want to drive to him but I don’t know if I really “feel” that way if that makes sense?? Am I making a huge mistake?? So far as long as it’s not a big ordeal I like just going over there and hanging out with him. I feel worried this may be a slippery slope though. What do you all think?

  144.  #145Patricia on July 25, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    are you “doing” anything else for him? in an accommodating way?

  145.  #146Wildflower on July 25, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    I feel happy that after a year of CDing I’m finally getting some attractive and nice men. For a while it seemed like one or the other or they lived really far away. It feels a little more difficult to speak the truth to the handsome ones although I’ve done it a couple of times so far so I feel proud of myself. I guess I could look at this particular man as “practice” speaking the truth to a handsome man since I’ll be leaving soon anyway. That feels disappointing for some reason though. I just want to hang out wiht him and get to know him and have fun and have speaking the truth come easily without even realizing I’m doing it. Maybe I can do that. I wonder if I’m just feeling too tied to the outcome and that makes me feel scared and paralyzed. I love my fear. Maybe I’ll make sure I’m also expressing positive truths like “I feel good around you” or “you look handsome” or whatever so I don’t feel guilty when the less pleasant truths are expressed.

  146.  #147Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    Good to see you Alicia

  147.  #148Wildflower on July 25, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    Patricia–no not really I don’t think. I’ve just gone over there and we watch a movie and talk. He’s offered to make me dinner and he has taken me out and paid for everything. He lets me choose what we watch. But then I feel worried I’m just rationalizing. Uuuugh I feel so confused, worried and frustrated.

  148.  #149Wildflower on July 25, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    Then there’s also the fear that the last guy I expressed I don’t drive to men to really stepped up (and was wonderful for one date) and then he disappeared and never called me again after we had been dating for a couple months. It felt good and empowering to say that to a man (especially a hot man who I had a crush on) but the long term outcome felt disappointing…

  149.  #150Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    Wildflower be easy with yourself. Habits die hard as they say which is why I so love babysteps. You are becoming aware of your patterns and can choose to change them slowly. You were doing the best you could at the time and now you know better. Don’t beat yourself up. If you feel you are sliding down a slipper slope just try to slow yourself down rather than stop abruptly. I can tell you from experience that practice can cause him to value you less and begin to take you for granted. The problem is that you could eventual become resentful because you will notice that he is not making any effort.

  150.  #151Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    RE 149 I sense it is your energy Wildflower. You seem to not be comfortable saying that. Maybe you believe you don’t deserve to be treated like a princess?

  151.  #152Starla on July 25, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    I would like my energy back. We always talk about how important it is nott o get all energetically wrapped up in a guy when you meet him. I mean, duh, right?

    But how do we actually DO that?

    I guess go out with more guys.


  152.  #153Wildflower on July 25, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    Femininewoman–how would you suggest babystepping to change the pattern? I get what you mean about taking me for granted after a while. Even men who were totally crazy about me seemed to take the driving to them thing (and/or other things) for granted. I know that I have a tendancy to tell myself that things aren’t bothering me rather than face potential conflict. It feels so hard to set boundaries since one day I could feel perfectly fine (I guess??) about something and another day feel irritated by it.

  153.  #154Rose on July 25, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    Jeanette, I can feel your pain..I lost my husband to lung cancer a few years ago…
    Byron Katie’s work can be soothing, I didn’t know of it at the time but listening to her I think it may have helped me at the time
    It has helped now years later, with loss & death in general..

  154.  #155Wildflower on July 25, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    What do you mean by energy? Thanks for your input!

  155.  #156Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    Wildflower read this article

    While you’re practicing with men – their response is not important in any way except to HELP you, to guide you to undoing old patterns and experimenting with new things and shifting your vibe to what will work SO much better for you in the long run.
    Individually calling a man, or inviting him somewhere, or winking at him on is not the issue here….these things can work fine – it’s the ENERGY, the INTENTION – your EMOTIONS and vibe behind your DOING it that’s the KEY here.

  156.  #157Wildflower on July 25, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    Thank you FW I will check it out!

  157.  #158Patricia on July 25, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    I agree with FW Wildflower….go easy on yourself…’s so hard when we micro-manage every little thing that we did and then follow it with what he did afterwards….that’s getting into our heads and trying to analyze and stay ahead of the game…..we all want a sure thing…….

    sometimes when I’m trying to discern what the best course of action is I ask myself….how do I feel in doing this….if the feeling is anxious I know I’m acting out of old patterns…….there are some guys that i feel comfortable saying/texting/emailing “hey got time to catch up this weekend”….and I leave it open to see what he does and he steps up as I lean back and starts to go “yeah for sure, let’s do it’ and then I let him plan it……yet with other men that approach feels off….so I learn that there’s no one size fits all approach…its’ not suppose to be rigid………….it’s suppose to be flexible !!!! Rori also has suggested “experiment! experience” get your hands wet baby! Lol

    we can’t get it wrong!!!


  158.  #159Femininewoman on July 25, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    RE 158 Yep

    “You HAVE to make mistakes as you’re shifting and changing…otherwise there’s no process to work with…!

    It’s all about shifting your “vibe” so that you ATTRACT your Mr. Right and many, many other great men all at the same time.”

  159.  #160Patricia on July 25, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    anyway off to find my Siren bed of rose petals and snuggly sheets…….night all…..:)

  160.  #161ice Princess on July 25, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    It’s amazing what feeling messages and leaning back can do. I love all the wonderful things and words that were said to me tonight. I hope they continue!! He told me tonight that he wished that we never left each other and that he still lived in the house. He was awesome with my kids tonight and they are wanting things to change…I just hope I am not setting them up to be hurt again by this relationship.

  161.  #162Wildflower on July 25, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    Patricia–thank you! Believe it or not I have been CDing a lot–and practicing. I started out just using feeling messages and then over time I realized I had some anger that I would stuff down and I started making it a point to express when something felt unpleasant. I’ve said some pretty crazy (well in my book anyway lol) things to men on “practice” dates just to try to break my habit of not wanting conflict or to rock the boat. I guess I just have to keep believing what I want will show up. Have a good night 🙂

  162.  #163alias girl on July 25, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    *#75 thank you for reposting that mel!!

    “**Self-esteem is the key to getting love from a
    man. If you don’t feel good about yourself, you’ll
    almost automatically be attracted to and attract a
    man who doesn’t feel good about himself, either –
    and so he will be incapable of loving YOU.”

    i have experienced this firsthand without being conscious of what was happening.

    now my self esteem is improving and so are the qualty of men, what they offer me, and how capable they are of being with me.

    it’s not that my exes didn’t love me. it was more that they couldn’t.

    anyway that’s all in the past.

    i was thinking today was i was driving that i’m not going to fall into the “you never call me trap”. i had a man (from my past of low self esteem) do this to me and it was like rori said. he was trying to make it easy on himself in the moment but if i did what he claimed he wanted or was trying to set me up for, he would end up dissatisfied.

    my response now would be.

    “i don’t want to call. i don’t feel secure enough in this connection or something. i’m not sure what it is but i know from past experience, it doesn’t feel good to call. what do you think?”

    this guy from my past used to say this kind of thing all the time. “you never call me”

    whatever. i felt the same thing about him. lol.

    and now with cding i see how a man acts when he wants a woman. heck, he’ll still try and call even after she says she’s not interested. even if she doesn’t return calls.

  163.  #164Emerson on July 25, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    I have a lot of changes in the air right now….feeling stressed a bit but ok

  164.  #165Emerson on July 25, 2011 at 10:02 pm

    I think about a particular ex from time to time, who was my first love, and I was in so much pain when we broke up.

    It was seriously so unhealthy, the relationship and the breakup…I made him my ‘DADDY’ literally..and I was needy like a little kid. I was so young, and he was almost a decade older. He did help me a lot, but eye rolling at the same time…

    My parents were enthralled in their own issues and weren’t there for me. I was still very young…..anyway, when he broke up, my Mom was with me right after, who is the worst person who could have been there sorry to say…she went into switch off mode when I started melting down and bawling my eyes out. 🙁

    She doesn’t know that I know, but she experienced abuse in her house as a child.

  165.  #166Emerson on July 25, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    I don’t think/dream of reconciling with him at all.
    I feel he took advantage of me being naiive and young.
    I feel self conscious about sounding victim-ey….

    I feel curious about something completely different.
    I know we are not supposed to ask a guy how are you….initially when you start CDing…right???

    What if you’ve been CDing with him for a while? Do you ask after he does and you’ve answered? I feel confused about this. I just talked to recycledCD and he asked how are you, whats going on, etc…and I didn’t ask back…hmm.
    I actually did it on purpose as an experiment. Next thing I know, he’s trying to rearrange his scheduel around my move… 😉 WITHOUT me saying a word about it, not requesting, NADA…. me like.

  166.  #167sammie on July 25, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    Ah Jeannette,

    It’s sad to hear how much you are hurting. I hope that you can find the solace that you seek.

    It seemed you and Steve did have lots of love for each other. I know that many of your entries on the blog were full of disappointment and thoughts of all the struggle because of his being on disability and how that may affect you economically in the future.
    When someone passes it can be difficult to keep it all in perspective, because you loved him.

    Perhaps in time you will love another man again. And, you will have Steve as your angel loving you through it. And, just perhaps you will be in a wonderful place financially. And, your heart will be bigger for having loved Steve and Steve having loved you. You were so very important to each other. And maybe that love can allow you to love and be loved again.


  167.  #168English Woman on July 25, 2011 at 10:47 pm

    #167 Sammie

    What a beautiful moving post to Jeanette, well said.

  168.  #169alias girl on July 25, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    #166. emerson i am getting used to not returning that question “how are you?” also.

    the more i not ask this return question (which is coming from “polite” mode anyway,) the better the flow feels to me.

    it’s an interesting aspect that i am still experimenting with.

    also just Being curious seems more open and available for a man to open up than a pointed question volleyed back out of sheer politeness .

    ? i like experimenting with it to see what feels best.

  169.  #170alias girl on July 25, 2011 at 11:27 pm

    hot hispanic guy texted me today. which is interesting because we have a language barrier thing. which for me is sort of interesting and i feel curious to see how we’ll manage it.

    anyway we texted a little back and forth. he asked how i was. i told him life was good but i felt a little sad.

    he said why?

    i told him don’t know. maybe i am nervous about my future.

    he said is all good and he loves me. He said something else but i didn;t understand it.

    i told him i understood a little of what he said and i love him too.

    and then later he texted me again asking me if i wanted to come to his work and eat.


    i wasn’t sure if he would pay?
    or how that would work

    and it was last minute. which didn’t feel good to me. (although it felt Great he wanted to see me)

    and also, i had already eaten.

    and thirdly, i don’t want to come hang out at his work and watch him work at the hamburger stand like i am in high school or something.

    so i wrote back no thank you, not tonight. but i like you.

    he wrote back no problem some other time, my love.


    with the language barrier i need to keep the communication really simplified so all my “issues” came out as “no, thank you.”

    i feel curious about how this will unfold. it feels fun. and i feel a little nervous too.

    pants guy never called back. (i feel really relieved)

    and i called some guy a c*ntb*tch in traffic today. lol. he was making an illegal uturn and then had the gall to Beep at ME for not psychically predicting his shenanigins and wanting to make a LEGAL right on red. dbag.

    so when he beeped i just STOPPED my car. ok, go, dbag. and he had to go around me.


  170.  #171alias girl on July 25, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    i bought this new toothpaste by the brand “Nature’s Gate” today.

    it looks pretty good. this is my third try at a natural (and non sulfate) toothpaste. the first one was black (yes!) and i didn’t care for it.

    the second one was tan and it was ok and will do if i don;t find something better.

    but the one i bought today looks really promising.

    now i just need to find a new body wash and i will be completely sulfate free. 🙂

    a sulfate free goddess.

  171.  #172Emerson on July 25, 2011 at 11:35 pm

    alias girl said:
    “and i called some guy a c*ntb*tch in traffic today. lol. he was making an illegal uturn and then had the gall to Beep at ME for not psychically predicting his shenanigins and wanting to make a LEGAL right on red. dbag”

    ROFL…that is funny.

    I normally don’t have road rage…but I had a cyclist make a comment to me one time like “nice driving” or something,when he cut me off, and I got SOO mad I told him shut the F up you cut me off dumb F!! and he got scared! He started pedalling and I got psycho and followed him for a minute and I said F-YOU!!!! SO SCREAMING LOUD…and there were people around sitting outside a coffee shop, and I didn’t care.

    Problem was, I had a lot of pent up anger. 🙂 I know it was wrong, but man it felt good to cuss him out and scream at him. Moron!!!! Not implying you have pent up anger alias girl but anyway I just wanted to share.

  172.  #173Emerson on July 25, 2011 at 11:37 pm

    That’s cute alias girl about the hot hispanic guy, he seems to really like you. 🙂

    Thanks for your feedback and comments about asking “how are you”….I’m catching myself now and when recycledCD asked me to meet for breakfast/coffee I had to decline because of all my stuff goingon this week, but I said “thank you it feels good that you thought of me” and “It would feel good to see you”

    LOL it sounds dorky but he responded well I guess…he’s still being super duper nice 🙂

  173.  #174English Woman on July 25, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    #136 Jeanette

    It HAS only been weeks since Steve died, you must feel dreadful, my sisters husband died last October (he was just 50) and she still has terrible days when she can’t get out of bed but for the most part she is doing OK now, it’s going to take time………you don’t have to put on a brave face or act like you are OK for anybody, I believe that’s what all this RR stuff is about, even in a bereavement………….take care and just come on here and vent how you feel……..get your true authentic feelings heard.

  174.  #175Emerson on July 25, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    and by the way…recycledCD is hispanic and super yummy 🙂 😉

  175.  #176Emerson on July 25, 2011 at 11:43 pm

    Hmm…the more I think about it, “how are you” sounds so not genuine and a bit shallow…, and yes as you put it alias girl, it is simply “polite”…. but not nurturing a deep connection.

    recycledCD texted me today too in the middle of the day out of the blue, which was kinda funny and not like him. The first thought I had was “he is horny” LOL…we have been sexually involved in the past but not at the moment….I am honoring my boundaries. 🙂 And he is still calling and helping. 🙂

  176.  #177alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 12:50 am

    #172 screaming at the biker! LOL! hahahahaha.

    i remember one time some guy was pissed that i got in front of him. i personally didn’t think i “cut” in front of him. for me it felt like i was driving then i changed lanes but apparently from his perspective he was supermario pissed. so he came up behind me and tapped my bumper WHILST we were both still driving. wtf. how freaking dangerous is that?! anyway he kept on with me until i pulled over. then he pulled over. and i apologized just to get the crazy man (and his grown son) out of my hair. but he lost his hubcap when he tapped my bumper. ha.

  177.  #178Daria on July 26, 2011 at 1:19 am

    Patricia – may i practice a “Daria coach boy hat voice” with you? – and please let me know if you don’t want me to address you from a coach perspective…

    i don’t want you emailing with men for weeks… a few back and forth e-mails is enough for him to either ask for your number, or you to let him know that you are not available for online chatting, and that he can reach you at your number if he is interested in meeting … you give him your number.. and then do not answer any following e-mails if he does not take action and call you

    that is a quick way to weed men out… at this point, there is only imaginary connection until you meet in person… so this part will be rather businessy… you want it that way… this is your boy working hard for you to get you out there in front of men… live

    in that same vein, i don’t want you to take more than 1 or 2 calls from a man who does not ask to meet u.. .and that will include any long distance men that suggest that meeting is not going to happen

    that would look like: ‘it feels wonderful talking with you and i feel so curious to get to know you… and … im here to meet men in person… i want an in person relationship.. i don’t want to talk if we don’t have a set plan to meet..’

    if he stops calling, he has weeded himself out… if he doesn’t call but calls again in 2 weeks, you can pick up if you want to, but don’t get in the habit of having an online, or phone/texting connection with a man…

    you can experiment around this if going ‘cold turkey’ feels too heartwrenching… but this is the direction and attitude you want to have – ‘i want real face to face meetings and relationships… i am too busy with my wonderful life to have the energy and time for talking extensively on the phone with a man i haven’t met when there’s no set plan to meet’ – and you must start at least meeting other men in person

    as far as this man, now that you ARE in contact:

    can you try to shift perspective around this? you Want a man to come on strong… most masculine men do

    the opposite of that is a man who’s unsure, maybe feminine energy, where you always would feel unsure of how he’s feeling about you, and feeling offbalance

    and yet… a man who comes on strong can feel overwhelming. he triggers our black/white thinking (Rori wrote about this on an article about sex)… it either feels amazing! when we’re into him and feel ‘chemistry’ or… it triggers our defenses, where we feel cold shut down, mistrustuful… and sometimes it flip flops between both

    and yet… we Want a man that from the very first moment knows he WANTS US!

    so our practice here is to embrace the negative voices… most of our mistrust here comes from the deep down belief that we are unworthy, we are not good enough… for a man to be this smitten with us… it couldn’t possibly happen…

    and yet.. men work this way! they know they want you often instantly, and then keep going!

    us women often take some time, some opening up our vulnerability in his presence… and feeling loved doing so… to create that level of passion and attraction in the absence of ‘instant chemistry’ (the absence of instant chemistry is a ‘good’ sign!)

    and now what to do… with the feelings of mistrust, overwhelm.. that a guy who comes on strong triggers…

    if he’s a good man, you will feel scared, but you will not feel ‘on edge’. you will feel secure about yourself… he will continue steadily coming at you rather than blowing hot and cold…

    and still you may have to let him know – in feeling messages – that you are feeling overwhelmed with the intensity at this point, so that if he is a good man… he can better facilitate you to open up

    keep asking yourself ‘what is his message? what did he show up to heal for me?’

  178.  #179Daria on July 26, 2011 at 1:34 am

    im feeling excited!

    gonna get my bandage changed soon!


    and i feel rested!

    and… in my dream i was like james bond… and i had all these missions… plus some kinda orgies on a plane

    and i was smoking weed with guywho and apparently a girl who was his gf

    but i liked this girl, a lot, she was innocent and nice… and she sold me weed

    and i remember talking to guywho as a friend and feeling good telling him about my james bond ways

    and also some holding back so that i didn’t stir up jealousy –

    that is something i do around couples sometimes… i feel very boxed in

  179.  #180Daria on July 26, 2011 at 1:39 am

    “You don’t believe, deep down that what you want will show up for you.”

    yes yes yes!

    i didn’t believe that NYguy would come see me if i didn’t go to him

    and since ‘i had such a short time’ i felt compelled to ‘make it happen’

    but… that was disrespectful of him on an energetic level

    i could have said no, and allowed him to step up… and if he didn’t… look that full in the face

    but i felt afraid that i would have made it about me and felt not good enough and so i tried to avoid that


    well i did make a babystep in talking about it

    he could’ve stepped up if i required it… i wouldn’t know if i didn’t

    i could’ve respected him and given him the benefit of the doubt to be a man



  180.  #181alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 2:08 am

    this other guy. i feel like i am settling on top of settling. i felt literally grossed out at the place he chose. i wanted just a coffee date and he still picked a lunch place. which i thought was cute until i got there. it didn’t just feel dirty. it WAS dirty. ick . and ew.

    and his shirt was white but it was dingy and it had a stain.

    i really like clean. some people don’t care. but i like clean. nice. new. that’s just me. my preferences and what i like.

    and i told him i am a vegetarian and this place was like all russian meat stuff or whatever culture it was.

    it felt all about him. the place he stuck with was a place HE wanted to go to because he said “you get a ton of food for cheap.”

    gross food. not that cheap.

    i am complaining?

    i am making excuses for why i don’t want to continue with him. ugh. i don’t know how to put this in feeling messages. or how to tell him.

    there are actually a whole bunch of reasons why i feel no. i won’t complain more and list them all as that will not do well with my manifesting GOOD things that i LIKE!

    i am sticking with him (clinging) because now that i’ve tried it i LIKE having multiple men in my rotation and i don’t have any really. except my HHG. and people online emailing.

    encouraging self-talk: “no worries. new men show up literally everyday. the more i say No to what i don’t want the better i allow what i do. and the better i learn how to communicate what i don’t want effortlessly without having to Justify and Complain and Make Excuses about why i am doing what i am doing the better and more flowy it will be for me. ”

    So i think i will give him a quick no, thank you. nice meeting you. i will call him tomorrow.

    and now there are two new slots open. 🙂

    yes yes yes yes yes no, thank you,

    yes yes yes yes yes yes, no thank you yesyesyesyes

    instead of spending too much time, energy or focus on the nos.

    i feel excited about this.

    i can do the same thing with EVERYTHING IN LIFE.

    ah, i feel light and airy.

  181.  #182Lilybelle on July 26, 2011 at 3:55 am

    Good Morning, Beautiful Day!

  182.  #183Jeannette on July 26, 2011 at 3:58 am

    sammie, I couldn’t even think of loving another man…I feel some shame that I was so worried about our finances….I love Steve so much and am just struggling so hard. Depression is settling in and I don’t know what to do. It’s a feeling of isolation. I’m sure Steve didn’t want to leave me but his body just couldn’t handle everything that was happening to it. I really don’t have a lot of friends and everything is just so hard. I’m just working and coming home. Very exhausted……I feel as though I’m in a fog and only going through the motions. Then I go to the cemetery and grieve. I think it’s harder when your older, I’m 57. Bouncing back just doesn’t happen. I wonder how much longer I will live. My kids are all grown. It’s like no one really needs me. It’s like my life has stopped having meaning….

  183.  #184Patricia on July 26, 2011 at 4:08 am

    182 Good morning Lilybelle!

  184.  #185Patricia on July 26, 2011 at 4:10 am

    and Jeannette
    and Sirens!

    wow the air has really cooled here this morning…….I understand we’re all getting such heat this summer…..refreshing this morning here in Canada!

  185.  #186Patricia on July 26, 2011 at 4:12 am

    Wow Daria

    My gosh you hit so many thing right on! REsonate! Resonate! Resonate! lol Is that a feeling word?

  186.  #187alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 4:29 am

    #183 Jeanette. i have never experienced what you are going though.

    i don’t know how to word this and i wish you to know it comes from love.

    maybe consider a grieving support group or individual counselling or both. to help you cope in this time.

  187.  #188Patricia on July 26, 2011 at 4:34 am

    Daria thank you so much for the encouragement in holding to some good practices in regards to emails and texts…..I really appreciated your “boy hat” energy and thank you for asking if it was ok……yes absolutely!

    I realize emails and texts are my comfort zone…….I know that. I waver between enjoying the emails but craving the in person time…and feeling empty when the in person time doesn’t happen often enough….but settling for any connection….even emails…..sometimes…..sad…..but it’s time to break out of that old pattern…..

    Last night he texted to see if we could chat…but I was at my mom’s with family and told him so…he just invited me to call him if I wanted to chat later. i thought about it…..and texted him that I was going to send an email…..and then I did….

    I explained some of the very things you mentioned…..that I enjoyed getting to know him…our couple weeks of emails and an hour long call and a few texts…but that I was starting to feel overwhelmed and not use to someone checking in so often so quickly……that it was starting to feel like an imaginary and instant relationships…that I was sad reading the “wish you were here” texts….etc. I also related that my interest in getting to know him and liking a lot of what I see was now bumping into “yeah but he’s 7 hours away”….through no fault of any one….kept it light and friendly….didn’t blame….

    I also let him know that I was skiddish about reviewing this in a phone call yet…..and I acknowledged being a :”chicken sh*&t” doing it by email but that’s how I felt and wanted him to know. I mentioned that I wanted someone close by that I could spend time with and touch…..

    I also noted that I’d hoped I was coming across gently and fairly and asked him “what do you think”…..

    well i woke up this morning to several surprises in an email he replied with. The tone of it alone was supportive, understanding and loving……This alone probably healed a lot of stuff for me…the “watch what you say or he’ll bolt stuff” and the “he’s going to get mad if you tell him how you feel” stuff……none of that happened! YAY!

    And he understood my point and apologized for anything that might have overwhelmed me… (I made sure I wasn’t laying a guilt trip on him with my words)……..and he suggested he come here and we spend some time…….no pressure…. to see what it felt like in person……wow that’s an effort for sure… doesn’t shrink the 7hour drive but it sure opened my eyes to what he’s willing to do…..

    He also spoke about feeling an instant “kinship” with me (not sure if that’s through the email or the phone) and I have to take that with a grain of salt. He acknowledged that a long distance relationship takes work on both parts….I already know that as I’ve had a couple…over the years…..

    So it’s good news in that it’s a dynamic process now sorting this out and there’s an openness to meeting in the next while……

    I guess I have to look at my beliefs around long distance relationships again…….

  188.  #189Jeannette on July 26, 2011 at 4:34 am

    alias girl, I’m not sure what to do yet….just going through the grieving. I will consider some sort of support though. Thank you.

  189.  #190Patricia on July 26, 2011 at 4:38 am

    Jeannette 183

    I can only imagine how you’re feeling…..being overcome with grief and questions and sadness and isolation….I know this can take time.

    I really hope you are open to not doing this alone…a good psychologist or counsellor versed in grieving can be a life saver to validate your feelings, give you a safe place to express them and keep hope in your heart……..and physical activity of any kind…to keep you well, with enough sleep, and nutrition…..stabilizing your health is so important…..and we sometimes need a hand to guide us to keep that on track………I think the “one day at a time” thought is so wise………


  190.  #191alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 4:38 am

    i feel so guilty that i complained about that man. he was so nice. a little clueless when it comes to dating but he was a nice guy.

    just not for me.

    why am i struggling with this? i still feel guilty. i feel a desire to justify my preferences.


    i feel confused and curious.

    i feel scarcity thinking to hang onto a cd just for the sake of cding.

    new men show up all the time.

    in fact new people. i meet new people everyday and it is lovely.

    people come and go. it was lovely and so is what’s next.

    no need to stress about it. i told him i felt overwhelmed meeting again the next day and i needed time. (so instead he texts and calls and asks when we are going to meet again.)

    it’s only been three days.

    why am i justifying my decision?!

    ugh i feel angry with myself. i love my self-anger. is ok. is ok. is ok. i can’t get it wrong. complaining is only helping me to know more of what i DO want. now ALLOW what i DO want.

  191.  #192alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 4:45 am

    #188 patricia YAE!

    #189 jeanette i feel good to know you are considering seeking support.

    counselling has been invaluable in my own life. with my isolation and lack of support system i just couldn’t manage sometimes without it.

  192.  #193Butterfly Wings on July 26, 2011 at 4:48 am

    Jeannette, I agree with the ladies who have suggested grief counseling or support groups.

    I know this is a completely different scenario, but after I was held up at gunpoint many years ago, I really didn’t start healing for years after – and that was when I was finally reunited with the other victims (for the court case) and we were all able to talk about what we’d been through.

    It was such a relief to know that what I was experiencing was so normal and it was wonderful to finally have the support of somebody who KNEW first hand what I was going through!

    It was after that reunion that I was finally able to heal.

    So I definitely think a support group will do you wonders.


  193.  #194alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 4:49 am

    i wish to declare things feel POSSIBLE again for me.

    i felt possiblity a few days ago. I felt OPTIONS. and then i felt fear. now i feel possibility again. i love the feeling of possibilties. THANK YOU!!!!

    i want to feel the feelings of possibilities all the time! or 97%. or more.

  194.  #195Jeannette on July 26, 2011 at 4:52 am

    Thank you Butterfly Wings.

  195.  #196Butterfly Wings on July 26, 2011 at 5:21 am

    AG, I feel happy to see you so positive! 🙂

    Any time Jeannette. I would hate to go through what you are going through, but I think you already know that you have everyone here to lean on when you need it. xxx

  196.  #197Butterfly Wings on July 26, 2011 at 5:31 am

    WELL…..! I just ended things (again) with TH (this has happened a few times). Something happened today that really made me realise how unhappy I was with how things were.

    Yep we were getting along great, and he was spending loads of time with me, but there were a lot of things missing.

    For example, the guy I met a couple of weeks ago while I was out with the girls probably showed me more affection (without trying anything sexual) in one night, than I received all week from TH!

    Yeah we hug in bed and stuff, and things are great in bed, but outside the bedroom, it totally sucks! 🙁

    One of the many reasons I left my most recent ex was because of the lack of affection, and here I am again with a guy who’s holding it back.

    Hmm… something to learn here!

    Mr Dog Licky Face man called me the “Ice Princess” once. Maybe that’s part of it, or it could be that I was trying to nicely tell him to get lost!? lol

    Oh and also, a couple of guys I’ve met recently have invited me to do some really cool stuff with them like jet skiing, or kayaking and I didn’t go because of my “thing” with TH, but today I was thinking “Am I going to regret turning down all of this fun stuff?”.

    I’m thinking I will. I love getting out there and having fun, but TH is an introvert and the ultimate geek and will gladly stare at a computer screen all day. But even though I can be a workaholic at times, I do like to have fun and let my hair down!

    Sigh…. His response to my email (yeah I know – I took the easy way out, but he’s playing his online games tonight and I wouldn’t have been able to talk to him verbally anyway), was “Ah huh”. Ok then! I have no idea what that means, but I’m going to just get on with things and forget about him!

    If he wants to step up, he knows what he needs to do. I have to be strong!

  197.  #198Patricia on July 26, 2011 at 5:31 am

    194 Alias Girl

    back atcha girl….”yay!!!!


  198.  #199Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 5:33 am

    RE 181 Alias Girl you can say it was not a match. It doesn’t sound like it.

  199.  #200Patricia on July 26, 2011 at 5:34 am

    197 BW

    ” a couple of guys I’ve met recently have invited me to do some really cool stuff with them like jet skiing, or kayaking and I didn’t go because of my “thing” with TH, but today I was thinking “Am I going to regret turning down all of this fun stuff?”

    Butterfly wings…..may I?

    Go girl! Get your little butt out there and have a good time! It feels so good to let our hearts out to play!!!! It’s not betraying any body….even if there’s a “thing”…’s letting the world enjoy you! Go girl!

  200.  #201Butterfly Wings on July 26, 2011 at 5:40 am

    Thanks Patricia! I think you’re right. I just didn’t want to be leading these other guys on. But with TH gone (yet again), then who knows where it’ll lead…?! 😉

    Now I must tell you all that TH and I have “broken up” at least a dozen times this last year, so whether this thing is really over or not, I don’t know.

    But what I do know is how unsettled I’ve been feeling with all of this male attention I’ve been receiving and knowing that there’s potentially so much more out there for me that I’m missing out on.

    Ex hubby only moved out a month ago too, and I’m thinking I have been holding on to TH because he’s “safe” and I really wasn’t ready to look for anything serious. I’m still not sure if I’m looking for anything serious, but yeah I do want fun in my life.

    I look younger than my years, so why can’t I act it??? 😀

  201.  #202English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 5:41 am

    #178 Daria

    Wow!! Thank you so much for this reply of yours to Patricia, it could have been written to me 🙂

    I knew I did the right thing for myself for getting back to this blog. Yay for me!! 😀

  202.  #203Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 5:41 am

    RE 178 Daria I like how you start out. It feels really respectful. I also feel grateful that you chose to practice it here as it demonstrates your skills, level of understanding and keen desire to help. I hope people will appreciate it and use the opportunity to get a little private coaching one on one.

  203.  #204English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 5:46 am

    #188 Patricia

    “I realize emails and texts are my comfort zone…….I know that. I waver between enjoying the emails but craving the in person time…and feeling empty when the in person time doesn’t happen often enough….but settling for any connection….even emails…..sometimes…..sad…..but it’s time to break out of that old pattern…..”

    I think we may be sisters LOL!! Yes I am so guilty of this, remember when Daria gently chided me yesterday that I am a Siren and I don’t have the time to email back and forth for weeks……..I am taking all this on board.

    Fingers crossed 7 hour LDR man steps up full throttle for you. 😀

  204.  #205Patricia on July 26, 2011 at 5:47 am

    201 BW

    see what Daria says above?
    “You don’t believe, deep down that what you want will show up for you.”

    yeah so true! and we don’t believe what we need will show up when it’s suppose too….we think we know what it should look like and keep watching for that instead….and yet when we drop the “expectation” and trying to write the script for ourselves….the universe goes…..”hey chickie c’mon over here and see this…..and it’s usually fun and light and moves us right where we need to go……


  205.  #206Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 5:50 am

    RE 197 Butterfly Wings I am wondering if you expressed that you need affection and what you need to experience that?

    Also I recently heard John Gray say that guys sit in front of the tv, computer and watch games to rebuild their testosterone. It might be unconscious but that is what they are doing. If he is a geek, that who he is and I am not sure he will change his behavior unless he wants to.

  206.  #207Patricia on July 26, 2011 at 5:54 am

    204 EW

    Awww thanks!

    yeah who wants to be a siren that needs a personal assistant secretary because of all the “paperwork!” I loved that comment from Daria (go Daria!) to you. We can all take the wisdom in that……

    LD guy…well I emailed him how I felt this morning… felt good to be open and honest……and it’s now about setting up a way to spend time together and he’s willing to travel here…… I know he’ll reply today…and if the comfort level is there we can chat by phone tonight….part of it for me is having the privacy and feeling safe also because I have three children and I try to be open with them over time but want private time to do these non mom things……so we’ll see what LD does with this…..I am totally comfortable having him come to my city…stay in nice accomodations that he can set up and showing him around……the beaches……he’s offered dinner….maybe taking my boat out……letting him captain it if he has his boating license…….for a short spin on the river……….I mentioned to him I’m not a big fan of instant chemistry fireworks….this takes the pressure off……..I like these mature relationships when we’re in our 40s and 50s….some wisdom and maturity goes a long way…..especially if both can communicate well……

    EW what resonated with you in Daria’s comments?

  207.  #208Butterfly Wings on July 26, 2011 at 6:01 am

    Thanks ladies.

    Yep I am the ultimate control freak Patricia, so I’m keeping those expectations there! I need to just “be” like Rori says… But it is so so hard! 🙂 I know I can do it with practise though.

    FW, yep I’ve told him what I need and why and things will get better for a short time, then go back to the way they were.

    Oh and I watched that video too (LOVED it!), and I definitely understand he needs that testosterone building time (he has plenty, believe me! lol). And yep it’s just who he is and I’m wondering if I want to be with someone like that? I’m not sure??? I don’t want to change him – I just want to work out if he is what I want.

    I just replied to him saying that I wished him well (I really do mean that) and that hopefully we’ll both end up with what we want in the future. 🙂

    Whether we get back together or not, I know everything will be great. We do work together, so there’s always going to be some complications there!

    Meanwhile, I have ex coworker messaging me now, trying to pin me down for a dinner date next week.

    Yep, I think I’ll be just fine! 😀

  208.  #209Patricia on July 26, 2011 at 6:04 am

    “Meanwhile, I have ex coworker messaging me now, trying to pin me down for a dinner date next week.

    Yep, I think I’ll be just fine! 😀 ”

    wow you’re putting out an amazing vibe…….whoo hoo!

  209.  #210English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 6:07 am

    #207 Patricia

    “You don’t believe, deep down that what you want will show up for you”

    Yes that is/was (??) belief too, probably that’s I am still in contact with a man who loved me 8 years (!!) ago and I haven’t even seen for over 3 years, just like the whole point of this blog by Virginia………”Do you keep thinking about a boyfriend from the past?”

  210.  #211Butterfly Wings on July 26, 2011 at 6:09 am

    Lol I’m not sure what I’m putting out there, but it’s kind of overwhelming sometimes! Eeek!

    It’s all good and it’s all happening how it’s supposed to….. sigh….. 🙂

    Looks like TH has logged his computer off (I can tell when he goes offline) and knowing him, he’s contemplating my lovely “it’s over” email.

    Mind you, the email was purely about me and how I felt and what I wanted and didn’t want. It was not an attack – just me saying how I feel about things and that I’ve chosen to say goodbye because I have no control over him and can’t make him feel a certain way or do certain things.

    I feel a little sad, but I’m ok.

  211.  #212Daria on July 26, 2011 at 6:11 am

    wow FW thank you! I feel honored!

    Patricia and English Woman, i feel honored too and smily and a big warmth inside that my words resonate with you!


  212.  #213Daria on July 26, 2011 at 6:40 am

    Thank you Daria for doing hypnosis to heal my wound

    Thank you Daria for asking for the name of the medicines the nurse used on the wound

    Tahnk you for drinking yoghurt

    Thank you for insisting I get water when I felt thirsty

    Thank you for keeping me out of the heat when i didn’t want to be there

    Thank you for agreeing to walk

    Tahnk you for picking yummy food for me

    Thank you for washing the dishes

    Thank you for researching on taking apple cider vinegar along with the antibiotics to further prevent any yeast complications

    Thank you for washing my feet

    Thank you for brushing my hair

    Thank you for brushing my teeth

    Thank you for adjusting the temperature to a comfortable level

  213.  #214Daria on July 26, 2011 at 6:42 am

    my wound is SOOO much better from yesterday to today… phew!!!

    i was feeling worried!

    now i feel so relieved

    thank you intuition

    *list for purchasing:

    st joans wort oil

    plantain oil

    castor oil

    apple cider vinegar

    green argile clay (internet order)


    go mee go healing!

  214.  #215Lilybelle on July 26, 2011 at 7:07 am


    Good Morning, Patricia. 🙂

  215.  #216Jennga on July 26, 2011 at 7:11 am



    How can you tell when somebody logs off their computer when they aren’t in the same room or house with you?

  216.  #217Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 7:15 am

    I got this from another coach. She is talking to a friend about why she does not get ruffled when her husband talk about his ex.

    “I believe that most men (and women too, really)
    start out in their early dating years as “diamonds in the rough.” They are immature, insecure, and not really sure how to handle themselves in a relationship.

    Each woman they date helps “polish the edges” of this diamond in the rough by providing new opportunities for him to work through his issues and figure out how to properly treat a partner.

    As I say in “Dating Without Drama,” you can’t ever change a man (he’s got to do the work himself) but, by being in different relationships, he has the chance to make important discoveries about his character and make necessary changes in order to be more successful in subsequent relationships.

    Over time he learns about things like: communication, romance,responsibility, expectations, relationships with family, and so on.

    Slowly but surely, through good experiences and bad, each girlfriend helps to shape a guy into the man he will become.

    Until one day, he meets you.

    Of course no man is ever perfect, but chances are good that “The One” for you is in fairly good shape by the time your paths cross. Hopefully all you have to do is a little minor polishing to reveal the sparkling diamond your man was meant to be!

    “So really, we owe our men’s exes a debt of gratitude,” I explained. “They’ve done a lot of the really hard work FOR us!”

  217.  #218roxy on July 26, 2011 at 7:16 am

    You definitely have a great point. I do not see any expectations on his part so why I am going to. Its not worth my time to be nagging or being there when his actions tell me other things. I will move on and live my life. I do not want to be a step on the stair that is being stepped on all the time.

  218.  #219Lilybelle on July 26, 2011 at 7:20 am


    Jeanette, I am happy to see that you are open to counseling. You have my support.

  219.  #220Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 7:21 am

    I read this and thought of some of us here so I wanted to share:-

    “When you met your ex, you were a different person
    than you are today. You had certain needs, expectations, beliefs and dreams that drew you toward him. The connection you formed was based on his needs, expectations, beliefs and dreams as well. You met each other right where you were “at” and formed a bond based on that.

    As your relationship progressed, you and your ex began to evolve, but not necessarily in the same ways. Some of your needs, expectations, beliefs and dreams changed, and his did as well. You may have grown…he may have regressed.

    Without me knowing the details of your breakup, suffice it to say that, eventually, you and your ex came to a crossroads and could not meet each other on this new level. You ceased to understand one another
    like you once did and found it impossible to relate in the ways that you used to.

    So you see, at the time you and your ex met, he WAS ‘the one’ for you…THEN. You wouldn’t have been ready for anyone else – even if the man you’re meant to marry was standing right in front of you, you would have chosen your ex.

    That relationship taught you the lessons you needed to learn at this time – and because of it you know more about who you are and what you want and deserve out of life.

    You are more evolved now and soon you’ll be ready for the next relationship that will challenge you to grow… and as I say in my book, the relationships that last forever are the ones where two people challenge each other to learn and grow…while constantly rising up to meet one another at their new level.

  220.  #221roxy on July 26, 2011 at 7:26 am

    I agree to your post . We learned from each other what we needed to learn. Now its time to grow and apply what was learned ..
    Thank you
    i hope you can post more of this kind articles to help us reflect about our relationships.

  221.  #222Patricia on July 26, 2011 at 7:30 am

    Roxy and FW
    The Abraham (Ester and Jerry Hicks) work resonate with this….,.for those unfamiliar with it , there are links to the law of attraction and abraham that can be found easily on line…very interesting work…..and they apply the ideas you mention to anything…how to reach for the lifestyle one wants….how to reach for and manifest the job one desires….each experience brings you closer to it……I love your reference to the diamond in the rough,…….I love how that fits here…..beautiful analogy 🙂

  222.  #223Mel on July 26, 2011 at 7:31 am

    Hey Roxi,

    Did you read post # 75? It took a while to show up (went to ‘moderation”) so you may have missed it yesterday.

    My sleepy mom is still in bed this morning so i have some time to catch up! 😉

  223.  #224sammie on July 26, 2011 at 7:31 am


    I would concur with the other women here who have been encouraging you to get some support. I feel like it is quite common for people to feel guilt or shame after someone dies, not that that would feel very good.

    I’ve been reading your entries for quite some time. And again you have really loved Steve, do love Steve and he loved you too. And, I know how you must be missing him. Grief has many stages.

    Just think though that if you completely put him and your love up on a pedestal too high it makes it harder to realize the kids you still have, the chances you still have at finding some happiness once again.

    And, I believe that when you truly love someone and they love you back that the most generous thing and loving thing they could do is hope for you to find happiness once again in whatever form that comes in.

    That could mean just enjoying a cool breeze touching your skin on a warm summer evening. Or, a cool drink of ice tea with lemon or mint. A laugh from a child. Or, a puppy chasing a butterfly.

    In time…as you let out the hurt and the sadness…don’t forget the simple pleasures, they just may sneak up on you…if you are open to them.



  224.  #226Mel on July 26, 2011 at 7:34 am

    225: Thanks for that FW! This is REALLY hard for me!

  225.  #227Mel on July 26, 2011 at 7:38 am

    I told him I would rather not know about the happenings in his social life AT ALL. It was feeling a little like he was rubbing my nose in it. (Probably not intentional) But I wonder if sometimes ignorance IS bliss!

  226.  #228Susan on July 26, 2011 at 7:41 am

    RE: #120: Jeannette,

    I haven’t lost a lover to death but I have lost a son to death. 5 months is not long enough to expect to be over this. I’m not sure how long it will take. Recovering is a painful and sometimes slow process.

  227.  #229Lilybelle on July 26, 2011 at 7:46 am


    Beautifully said, Sammie.

  228.  #230Lilybelle on July 26, 2011 at 7:48 am


    My heart goes out to you, Susan.

    Now, I am heading to the bathroom here at work to have a good cry.

  229.  #231Sammie on July 26, 2011 at 7:49 am

    Lillybelle and EW thanks for your kind words regarding my messages to Jeannette. I feel touched.

  230.  #232Brenda on July 26, 2011 at 7:57 am

    Alias Girl and Emerson,

    I am interested in your conversation about not saying “How are you?” I hate that question. Yet I use it out of politeness. Please excuse me if I missed any posts, but have you found some good replacements?

    I have tried a few things, but I haven’t felt good about them:

    “What’s up?”
    “What’s good?”
    “What’s going on in your world?”

    I have also tried not asking anything at all, and it seems more often than not, people think I am not interested in their lives. What do you think?

  231.  #233Brenda on July 26, 2011 at 8:03 am

    I don’t at all want to make light of Jeannette’s loss – it is horrible.

    I want to draw an analogy, tho, to losing a lover as being LIKE a death, at times. I think that’s a big reason it is so hard. We grieve over losing a man who was so much a central part of our lives.

    I am still in love with Ryan. And, love is the most powerful force in the Universe.

  232.  #234Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 8:03 am

    Anyone remember Marni Battista

    I got an email from her and really noticed her picture. It seems she consciously opens her shoulder area and pushes it back. The impression I got was opening the heart and leaning back. It might be awareness is called to it because of my dance teacher who always say lift your shoulder, open your chest open your heart. Plus I reread Rori’s Leanback Tool that encourages us to lean back even at dinner and pay attention to the Energy Exchange.

  233.  #235Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 8:08 am

    Who was it who said she tends to be loud and out there?

    Rori’s Leanback Tool also encourages us when at a party to “instead of being friendly and walking around the room looking to begin a conversation, stand in the center of the room and lean back”. The center of the room thing just struck me. I tend to be the one who goes around chit chatting. Next time I will definitely try that standing in the center of the room thing though it feels scary just thinking about it.

  234.  #236Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 8:15 am

    Mel Rori’s words

    “And what he feels when you have an attitude of whatever, is totally ATTRACTED to you.

    WHY? Because when you have an attitude of “I love you and I KNOW you’ll NEVER find anyone more fantastic and perfect for you than me”, you just radiate confidence.”

  235.  #237Nikita on July 26, 2011 at 8:18 am

    So….I was “sharing” my ideas with a man…

    And then he said….”will u teach me that?”

    I said, sure


    How do I teach in girl energy. And not feel embarrassed that I’m not doing it “perfectly”?


  236.  #238Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 8:25 am

    Nikita that plays right into an EMKatz email from today. Hope he won’t come slap me for quoting him as I had vowed never to do it again.

    “Men are attracted to you when you display the traits that THEY value in women.

    We’re attracted to you when you share a funny, self-deprecating story about how you were a dork in high school – without any angst attached to it. (She’s normal!)
    We’re attracted to you when you talk about how you helped out your sister when she was struggling with her resume and got her back on her feet. (She’s nurturing!)”

  237.  #239Mel on July 26, 2011 at 8:33 am

    So I should try to just have an “I don’t care” attitude when it comes to him dating? I don’t complain or hassle him or anything, I just told him I don’t really care to know about what he’s doing. Was this the wrong approach? Should i have just said “Oh yeah… sounds fun!” Even if it killed me that he was going out with some girl?

  238.  #240Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 8:40 am

    RE 239 Oh no Mel. I was just pointing out the attitude to you. It is an attitude that builds confidence and I understand to be all about you and building your self confidence. In other words try to walk around with that attitude. Otherwise “if we’re walking around with an attitude of FEAR, featuring worry that he’ll meet someone else, then we radiate neediness, desperation, and all other kinds of insecure vibes that make a man just move away from us”. “Awful as that possibility sounds, the bonus of working toward getting this attitude NOW is that, when you’ve got it – he can feel it”.

    It is about the energy.

  239.  #241Daria on July 26, 2011 at 8:41 am

    Nikita – eek! My guess is Rori would say ‘don’t go there’. As in don’t share “ideas” wiht a man in the first place

    i’ve done this often… it feels so great to talk about my ideas, and easy to slip into teaching him

    but if he’s asked… welll… if you Do want to go there… one way i understood from Rori is to make it clear distinction between girl hat boy hat

    as in ACKNOWLEDGE OUT LOUD TO HIM that you are going into boy hat

    “ok… let me put my boy hat on”

    or sometimes i say “ok, im going to put my teaching mode on… is that cool?”

    so that there’s a clear Stepping into you being the leader role

    but overall we don’t want to go there too much…

    its something i def practice not doing (meaning i did it a lot before with men i was into and wound up with them liking me as a friend, and source of wisdom, and not a woman)

  240.  #242Mel on July 26, 2011 at 8:48 am

    Ok, that makes sense FW. I guess at least at this point I’m not being all needy and clingy and saying “No… don’t go!!!!” I felt in this case I should let my little “boy” take care of my little “girl” and just tell him that it would feel best not to be involved in conversations about his social life. Not exactly “i don’t care” but definitely an improvement! 😉

  241.  #243Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 8:54 am

    Mel it is something I used at work recently. Been doing a job for over two years and now they are talking about advertising it because it was actually a temp assignment that should not have lasted for more than a year. They are talking like I am to apply also and compete with others plus take a test. I said outright I will not and I hope they find someone suited for it, and I genuinely meant it because I am so tired of some crap that is happening. Funny enough now it seems they are scrambling to do things to encourage me to continue to the point of even saying they will not find someone with the combination of skills they need. This is two men, one extremely masculine and the other kind of feminine.

  242.  #244Mel on July 26, 2011 at 8:57 am

    Well, they’re finally up and ready to go!

    See y’all later! 🙂

  243.  #245Nikita on July 26, 2011 at 9:13 am


    He wanted to learn eft. Maybe u kno a cool masculine video I could send and he can learn himself .?

    He won’t read so … manual for him lol

  244.  #246Nikita on July 26, 2011 at 9:16 am


    Oh ok,

    Well I was talking about eft as a way to better performance…..
    Like making more money. I think I increased my sales at work with it

  245.  #247Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 9:18 am

    If a man isn’t sure he wants you – it’s his loss. Truly. This is the attitude that makes you into a goddess. Love, Rori

  246.  #249roxy on July 26, 2011 at 9:26 am

    @feminine women
    Definitely agree with you if a man does not know what he wants it is his loss. Lets not waste time and some him how much you are worth by letting go.

    It may be hard but this is the action we need to take as women. We cant let these guys step on us as if we were stairs.

    Lets have courage and take the attitude of “I dont Care”

    even if your heart hurts and feel sad. We must overcome this situation no matter what. We as women are worth more then a tear for a guy who does not want to be with us. Lets wake up from those clouds and see reality.

  247.  #250Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 9:32 am

    RE 249 Roxy those were Rori’s words that I agree with.

    This is a huge eyeopener

    When someone offers me valuable information about myself, or ‘tough love’, I see it as an attack, rather than as a gift, and I generally attack back.
    The DSM IV – The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, states about people suffering from a Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

    “Vulnerability in self-esteem makes individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder very sensitive to “injury” from criticism or defeat. Although they may not show it outwardly, criticism may haunt these individuals and may leave them feeling humiliated, degraded, hollow and empty. They may react with disdain, rage, or defiant counterattack. Such experience may lead to social withdrawal or an appearance of humility. Interpersonal relations are typically impaired due to problems derived from entitlement, the need for admiration, and the relative disregard for the sensitivities of others.”

  248.  #251Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 9:35 am


    When someone who cares about you tells you that you are not open – that your energy is difficult, believe them. Others perceive our intention far more clearly than we do. It is a great gift when someone has the courage to tell us the truth, so accept it as a gift rather than a criticism, and learn from it rather than deny or resist it.

    By Dr. Margaret Paul

  249.  #252roxy on July 26, 2011 at 10:30 am

    @feminine women
    Great point. Since yesterday I have had a great eye opener. Simply reading all the comments and articles. My mind set is different then how is was before and my view about relationships. More importantly how we as women should value ourselves rather than value others

  250.  #253Corin on July 26, 2011 at 10:34 am

    I awoke this morning feeling so peaceful. All day it has been as though my heart has come back into a whole again and I can feel love and joy pulsing through me. I cried a few times today but it was always sadness mixed with joy when I recieved positive support from my colleagues.

    I was listening to some of my colleagues talking to each other about one colleague fearing not being clever enough. They were so loving and supportive. Then another male colleague whom I had given a compliment to this morning, came back to me and said that he had been “riding on my words all day”. I felt so much love and positive energy flowing between us all. I am so honoured to work there.

    I downloaded ‘Soulmate Secret’ and ‘How to attract your love in 7 weeks’ (not sure if that is the exact title for the second one) and have put hearts in my diary for seven weeks time. I also bought myself some beautiful pink roses and placed them in the relationship corner of my flat. The lillies I had there previously had all died and the petals fallen. I was too sad after our breakup to replace them before. It felt symbolic to replace them.

    Finally i went to the stationery shop and have bought all the materials required for the first book (card, modelling clay, glue etc).

    This evening I’m going to clean my flat, throw out all of my ex’s things of no value such as toiletries etc and go to yoga class. If I have time I will carry on working through the books.

    Being single and dreaming of the future is sooo much easier than being in a relationship. Correction, so much easier than being in the wrong relationship. I’m working on believing that I will find a relationship within which I am as happy or more so than I am right now.

    Love to all Sirens. xxx

  251.  #254Senior Lady Vibe on July 26, 2011 at 10:34 am

    @143: Patricia says:
    “…….this guys so wants to be in a relationship……lol ..”

    That’s better than a guy who doesn’t…. 😀


  252.  #255Senior Lady Vibe on July 26, 2011 at 10:36 am

    @154: Rose



  253.  #256Patricia on July 26, 2011 at 10:38 am

    SLV @254

    yes……..and it’s so great when the speed can get slowed to a more comfortable place….and I have to say he and I had a good exchange the last day or so and have slowed things down to a lighter pace….much better…………and yes I used FM to express and he was very receptive…………….

    SLV thanks for being in the cheering section xo

  254.  #257Rose on July 26, 2011 at 10:46 am

    @255 SLV 😀 😀 xoxoxo

  255.  #258Senior Lady Vibe on July 26, 2011 at 10:48 am

    @181: alias girl says:
    “…and i told him i am a vegetarian and this place was like all russian meat stuff or whatever culture it was….”

    How did he respond to the situation when there was nothing for you to eat..? 😳


  256.  #259Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 10:50 am

    RE 252 Yeah Roxy. When the shift takes place our vibe changes so that we and people around us feel it. For me, it has been awesome.

  257.  #260roxy on July 26, 2011 at 10:52 am

    @feminine women
    definitely agree. I just hope my actions change too.

  258.  #261Daria on July 26, 2011 at 10:55 am

    im feeling a lil sad… and feeling soo tired…

    gonna stay up another hour… to take my medicine… then sleepy sleepy time…

    i love my sleepyness

    i love my feeling icky and unattractive and smelly

    i love my fear of it

    im actaully very attractive and love the way i smell

    and i love the hair on my legs

    and i feel embarassed about it

    and i love me and the hair on my legs anyway

    and that feels like closing eyes with a smile

    and i love my closed eyes with a smile

    and that feels like a big yawn

    and i love my big yawn

  259.  #262Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 10:58 am

    Roxy someone said Emotions are energy in motion. Thoughts lead to feelings which feed action. If mine have changed yours will. As a matter of fact it has changed back to mostly what it used to be when I was younger and thought that I was really hot. The only difference then was I was not warm and open. I am learning that now.

  260.  #263Daria on July 26, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Nikita – oh i would feel so damn excited to teach him EFT… grr.. that is right up my alley

    i would probably just tell him im gonna put on my boy hat… i mean… he asked… (he meant it? not just semi-asking?)

    i don’t know any manly EFT videos … but a youtube serach might yield some results…

    maybe a sports one!

  261.  #264Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 11:05 am

    RE 263 Daria you mean “I” as in you Daria or are you saying if your were in Nikita’s shoes? I am feeling a little confused because of your previous response in 241.

  262.  #265Daria on July 26, 2011 at 11:14 am

    me Daria – that is one way i easily slip into teaching men (even when they dont ask) when we talk about spiritual stuff or energy healing, or anything im interestd in really

    omgosh id feel like so fantastico THRILLED that its really easy for me to start taking the lead, and then keep doing it

  263.  #266Corin on July 26, 2011 at 11:15 am

    Just logged onto match and had three e-mails. One from a strange guy who was constantly messaging me and everyone else I know on there last time I was there (promptly blocked). The other two were intelligent, articulate and thought out e-mails from a doctor and a solicitor. Being with someone who has a job that I respect and who has both written and academic intelligence is really important to me. I’m feeing excited! My vibe is Up xx

  264.  #267Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 11:19 am

    Lucy has posted in a while. I am wondering what has happened to Queenbee, Jilly, Elizabeth, LG, PG, Lily-T, Kaitlyn, JanJune and Nini? A lot of sirens seem to be missing from the island.

  265.  #268Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 11:21 am

    RE 266 I wonder about calling out guys like that to practice speaking truth to a man.

  266.  #269Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 11:22 am

    RE 267 I meant “hasn’t” posted

  267.  #270Mochaberri on July 26, 2011 at 11:24 am

    When is it OK to find out from a guy that you’ve been dating a few years where things are headed? I know all about CD’ing and not getting caaught in the girlfriend trap but if you do – when is it OK?

  268.  #271Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 11:32 am

    Mochaberri for me it is when I have decided that I am want it and I am prepared to walk away from the relationship if he does not want to within my timeframe. As a matter of fact it is my life so I no longer “find out” anything. I just share what I want in my life. Finding out from him suggests he has all the power.

  269.  #272roxy on July 26, 2011 at 11:52 am

    Bascially I have to change my thoughts to change my actions is this correct?

  270.  #273Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    Rori says “most of us, me anyway, ae good at refueling the feelings with more and more thoughts in our own favorite pattern, setting up more and more big negative waves. Lets use the example of I NEED TO CONTACT HIM.. a common thought/feeling craving

    Thought pattern goes “oh I miss him-I have nothing to lose-I feel so empty – I may as well text him – now I fee BAD and I damaged my self esteem as well, and now I feel WORSE, I am a loser.”

    So the answer to your question is yes.

  271.  #274lm on July 26, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    hey daria,

    i started looking into the abraham stuff…it’s really helped me keep my vibe up! i’d love to hear about any manifestations you’ve created.

  272.  #275roxy on July 26, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    I definitely agree.
    This is a good start to begin changing my thoughts by telling myself I dont need him and I am great without him and etc.
    There are many more things that can satisfy me.

  273.  #276roxy on July 26, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    DOES ANYONE HAVE A HARD COPY OF THE BOOK Have the Relationship you want????? I really would love to read the book. I searched online but it is no longer available. If anyone has the hard copy please let me know.

  274.  #277Nikita on July 26, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    Yeah, Daria
    He’s really asking and sounds very intrigued.

    He works in finance and it’s all about vibe so I think he sees the potential for himself

  275.  #278Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    In an enewsletter I saw Rori tell someone to think “I’m the most incredible, georgeous, sexy, fantasic woman he’s ever, or will ever meet, and he absolutely can’t help himself, poor boy, he can’t help but love me and stay faithful to me forever”. Those are good feeling thoughts but our nasty voice will try to talk us out of them. I walked around a lunch time today telling myself that in order to choose good feeling thoughts.

  276.  #279Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    Roxy I do but you should be able to still get it. Click on the imagine of it below to your right

  277.  #280roxy on July 26, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    I believe it is a ebook – or online trial? I would love a hard copy.

  278.  #281Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    Yes but I was able to print it.

  279.  #282Nikita on July 26, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    I think I’ll email him the intro by Gary Craig. It’s a good overview….well produced….and shows that it’s not JUST for money or sales but for everything….plus I LOVE Gary Craig so much it’s not even funny….want to take that man out for lunch if I ever get a chance to meet him
    He’s my hero—-for sure

  280.  #283flower on July 26, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    “When past boyfriends show up in our lives — in whatever way — it’s usually because we have more to learn from them, some unfinished business. But it’s important to remember, the lesson is not about them, it’s about you!”

    what am i supposed to learn from that guy everyone here reads about form time to time ,when i see him all the tiem unless i dont go out of the house then

  281.  #284roxy on July 26, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    @femininewoman great I just purchased the ebook.
    I will begin my journey and look forward to reading it . More importantly learn and develop the skills I need to know as a woman.

  282.  #285English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    #212 Daria

    I am the one who thanks you for your words that resonated with me and made me sit up and think.

    Thank You x

  283.  #286English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    #232 Brenda

    Oh yes that is me, so goddamn polite and sooo very English LOL!!

    Him: How are you?

    Me: I’m good thank you, how are you?

  284.  #287Susan on July 26, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    RE: 230 Lillibelle

    You said”My heart goes out to you, Susan.

    Now, I am heading to the bathroom here at work to have a good cry.”

    My son died in 1985 (26 years ago) so I’ve had plenty of time to come to terms with losing him. It takes longer to recover from a death like that than most people realize.

  285.  #288Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    RE 286 English Woman a male friend of mine responds dandy, I’m just dandy so I have started using that. I include some kind of hand movement or body gyrations to be playful or if I say it on the phone I kind of make a slurpy sound to suggest delicious. This is usually distracting for them especially when in person and it puts the focus on me. So for the most part I can skip over the how are you.

  286.  #289Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    RE 288 By the way I practice doing that kind of thing with everyone in my life even if it is a stranger and I have to say hot as in recently. I open my mouth wide at the hot for emphasis and cross the back of my hand over my brow. Those are ways I use my drama queen and creative expressions.

  287.  #290Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    (((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))) Susan. I can only imagine

  288.  #291English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Ladies I REALLY need some help in answering my on/off again LDR man tonight, as I told you I sent him a FM last night as I am sooo bloody scared of getting into it again with him after my last time in Feb 2008, this is part of his reply tonight………..lots of other chit chat about family stuff and then this………(background…..I am 58 he is 51, I am English he is American, I am pretty laid back, he is military retired, my daughter is 40 this year, his is 14, he is very much an Alpha Male Aries, I am a flittery Gemini, does this reply to me seem a bit I dunno??)

    “About a potential visit. I’m very scared, afraid, nervous, heart racing about the idea of visiting you in the motherland (we have always joked about me being so very English and royal ha ha as if). In a nutshell, you are so worth visiting. Besides, it’s only been three years since xxxxxxx. If my being in your home makes you uncomfortable I can stay in a hotel. If you still are unsettled about the idea I’ll just stay here. I will never pressure you into something that might give you a panic attack.”

    Well who mentioned a panic attack?? I just meant (though I didn’t say it, that my heart was connected to my body and THAT is what scares me, I don’t know who I got that from on this blog, but it has lodged in my mind….)

    I would appreciate help in how to handle my reply???????

    I have to say, this is one VERY smart man, and that is what got us both hooked into each other in the first place………we were/are intellectual matches besides all the other chemistry stuff………….

  289.  #292alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    #258 svl because of a whole series of things (and i was ready to leave at that point) i told him “i feel like this has nothing to do with me”

    his response was ‘he was sorry, sometimes men are selfish.’

    my response was ‘yes, and sometimes women don’t respond well to it.’

    or something to that effect. i don’t remember exact wording.

    i feel good to meet new folks and maybe date this guy every once and a while or be once and a while acquaintances or something.

    the convo was enjoyable.

  290.  #293English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    #287 Susan

    That makes all our other “man” stuff seem soooo bloody trivial, I am so sorry, I can’t imagine anything worse than loving a child.

    Take care xxxx

  291.  #294Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    RE 291 English Woman how do you know there is chemistry when he has never been in your physical space?

  292.  #295alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    #232 brenda… i don’t ask anything. i let them lead the conversation. sometimes it just flows naturally and i ask questions out of sincere curiousity. but it fi am just asking questions to

    -not be rude
    -or appear not to be rude
    -to control their opinion of me (they will think i am rude or selfish)
    -to keep the conversation going so i can avoid the awkwardness (and thus ‘save’ him from awkwardness. )

    i am doing a disservice to us both, in my experience.

    i have been experimenting with not asking any kinds of those questions. a masculine man does not need my permission to tell me about himself. this i know for certain. but if i am Open in my vibration this is probably enough.

    still experimenting.

    what do you think?

    have you tried just sitting with the uncomfortable NV that come up for you? telling them no thank you, go away and then shifting your vibe back to goddess and waterwheel and open and curious?

    if you try in the future i feel very curious about the results you experience.

  293.  #296Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    I believe it is the tone of voice, the body language, the vibe, the way someone moves their body, the smell, the little quirks that create chemistry.

  294.  #297alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    #220 FW i really like that. i feel curious where it’s from. thank you for sharing. 🙂

  295.  #298Patricia on July 26, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    291 EW

    is the word panic attack that’s triggering you? Because if used in the clinical term it means “losing all control” (or at least thinking you are and getting drawn into the body’s over reaction….”….)

    I think he’s using it in the layman’s terms/slang way…..

    Can you keep it simple and express how you feel? without getting into the intellectual side of it…so the head doesn’t get caught up …..and you also speak from the heart (knowing there’s a pretty brainy intellect there attached to it?) 🙂

    so softening…..opening,…..

  296.  #299Patricia on July 26, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    FW…I agree, it ‘s the body language vibe that can create energy…but I think when two people connect intellectually but don’t spend tons of time together they start overusing their intellect, imagining…..fantasizing….filling in the holes and voila they create an inner world where there’s plenty of imagined body chemistry and vibe….the brain doesn’t know the difference and the chemistry can get drummed up even without being in the other’s presence…….

  297.  #300Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    AG I got in a Dating Without Drama free enewsletter.

  298.  #301tinque on July 26, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    English Woman – I would be happy to help but am unclear what’s going on. I must have missed something. I remember the original story, so what’s going on now?


  299.  #302English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    I beg your pardon Susan I meant than in losing a child………xxx

  300.  #303Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    RE 299 I agree and I also remember reading from CCarter about the dangers of internet dating. Being so long on the phone create the sense of a “relationship” which is not real. It is still essentially a stranger. I also have an interview with Renee Piane who addresses that. Without seeing him in his natural “habitat”, his family, how he behaves around strangers there is no relationship. The panic attack might be around taking a stranger into my home. There is great possibility of being disappointed (not to burst anyone’s bubble) because real life might be totally different than phone. I have read over and over again where women fall into this trap. EMKatz is another coach who addresses that kind of issue. Also remember Rori discourages LDRs

  301.  #304English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    #294 FW

    We have had this on/off thing for 8 years more off than on to be honest, we have met up 5 times over the years, in mainlaind US and Hawaii… typing this it out seems pathetic to be honest….

  302.  #305English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    #301 Tinque

    You didn’t miss anything because I have never told this “story” before, but he was/is?? the love of my life or is it all in my bloody head as per Virginia above??

  303.  #306Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    RE 304 Tinque is asking for the details.

  304.  #307alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    #199 FW yes. thank you. i feel more clear now. i felt very conflicted and confused before. it took some sorting out for some reason.

  305.  #308Patricia on July 26, 2011 at 2:00 pm


    it’s probably a combination of both….the longer the time that passes after seeing him the more we sometimes selectively remember what we want to that feels good….so you have an off and on relationship….on (when you see him) and off when you don’t…but potentially still feeling “on” because of what we drum up in our heads to keep it going……

    It’s not just in our head though….it seems very real to our brains which then in turn get the whole body in gear……….usually because it feels good…..who among us hasn’t done that ? It’s a way to cope….a way to keep ourselves going……a way to keep hope alive….a way to wonder……I think when it gets into magical thinking it can cause problems….ie when it’s so far removed from what’s really going on it can distort expectations….actually getting together is a great idea to keep you both grounded in my view….as long as you’re comfortable with the arrangements…..

  306.  #309Susan on July 26, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    RE 291 English Woman:

    You wrote to him, ”
    “About a potential visit. I’m very scared, afraid, nervous, heart racing about the idea of visiting you in the motherland (we have always joked about me being so very English and royal ha ha as if). In a nutshell, you are so worth visiting. Besides, it’s only been three years since xxxxxxx. If my being in your home makes you uncomfortable I can stay in a hotel. If you still are unsettled about the idea I’ll just stay here. I will never pressure you into something that might give you a panic attack.”

    Well who mentioned a panic attack?? I just meant (though I didn’t say it, that my heart was connected to my body and THAT is what scares me, I don’t know who I got that from on this blog, but it has lodged in my mind….)

    I would appreciate help in how to handle my reply???????”

    My answer:
    I see this as a problem caused by the subtle differences in language. In America, feeling afraid and experiencing a racing heart describes a panic attack. To his way of thinking, you told him the thought of him visiting gave you a panic attack, so he responded using that term.

    He seems respectful and concerned about you. If he can afford the trip and is willing to stain in a hotel, why not welcome his visit? What do you have to lose?

  307.  #310tinque on July 26, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Aren’t you formerly BarbinOz? I remember this though yes you did provide more details above. I don’t remember though the to do in 2008. Can you fill me in on the what and the why from your perspective. I don’t want to know about what you think was going on with him though what he said would be helpful.

    As it stands now the speech won’t do. Also tell me what it is you want to convey.


  308.  #311alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    #300 thanks FW.

  309.  #312English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    #309 Susan

    Thank you, yes I know we have different ways of handling words as in I am English English, he is American English I came across the same when I lived in Australia where they speak Australian English LOL!!

    I have copied and pasted what he wrote to ME tonight after my email to him last night saying I had many mixed emotions about him coming here to England including afraid, scared etc., not because I don’t want to see him again………because God knows I do, but because I don’t want to ever get into that neediness space again where I felt he had the power……….do you know what I mean? Where one day you are the Goddess with all the power and because of oxycontin (or whatever it’s called) the power subtly shifts and you are the puppydog doormat just like in my marriage………………

  310.  #313Susan on July 26, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    RE: 293: English Woman

    Thank you for your kind words.

    And since that day I have agonized over men as well, LOL!

  311.  #314English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    #310 Tinque

    Yes that is I 🙂

    I am not sure here, I don’t think I posted about this particular man, I think that was another American man LOL!! Oh yes I do have a definite preference for that accent LOL!!

    He (R) and I ‘met’ online in 2003, we had this majorly full on (imaginary) relationship where we met 3 times in the one year, not bad as he is in the USA and I was in Australia…………things fizzled out though we stayed in touch here and there, met again in 2006, then again in Feb 2008, the last time, it all fizzled away again over the next year or so, then I contacted him again in (yes me leaning forward) in Jan 2011 to tell him I was coming back to live again in England and here we are……July 2011, him wanting to come here for a holiday probably and I am this pathetic woman typing here at 20 past 10 at night asking for help from ladies I don’t know on how to reply to a man who has broken my heart………..I am sooooooo pi**ed off at myself and yet still so in love with this man, and I do know he loves me but only in his only crumb giving way as he is not able to give anymore…….

    Now I am really mad at him and at me for being such a friggin’ pathetic loser………….he is probably friggin’ sitting there thinking he is king d**k and has one over on this doormat type I WAS!!

    Oh I am like Daria and Ella now riffing and sooooo effing pissed off………….

    What am I thinking of why the hell am I contacting a man who thinks he is God’s gift and is not willing to offer any more than crumbs…………..don’t I deserve more? NOOOOOO there is a part of me that says that is all you will ever get, so take them while you can before you get so old no man will ever give a shit about you………… are invisible….forget all this Siren stuff all that I am All that……….take a crumb from him because there is no other man (that you are attracted to and who is so attracted to you) that will give a s**t………..go and check out men on POF in their late 50’s I am not being judgemental but my God they look like MY grandfather……

    Sorry about my pity party but it’s just the way I am feeling……………just for tonight…..

  312.  #315Susan on July 26, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    RE: 312: English Woman

    Yes, I know what you mean about not having the power. But isn’t maintaining our power part of what Rori teaches? I am thinking that this time, armed with what you know now, that things may play out very differently than before. And even if they don’t, you will have learned something valuable about yourself. (BTW, I am 55. Funny we still have these issues, eh?)

  313.  #316English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    I want a decent man that wants me 100% not some crumb giver or some elderly old grand-dad on a dating site………my God I am not over the hill yet……

  314.  #317Camille on July 26, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Could someone tell me what the “waterwheel” is or where I can find it. Ive read the e-book and have modern siren but dont remember hearing about the water wheel.

  315.  #318Susan on July 26, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    RE: 314 English Woman

    You wrote: “go and check out men on POF in their late 50′s I am not being judgemental but my God they look like MY grandfather……”

    I moved to Texas from California when my divorce completed because that is where I could afford to live. Nearly all the men in my age range in Texas are impotent and look very aged. I tried dating younger and that went okay, I guess. Then I lucked out and met a man who is a former Californian. He is 62 and has lots of *ahem* vigor. California men just take better care of themselves and when they get to this age range, they shine! I’m in love with a VERY shiny man, LOL!

  316.  #320Patricia on July 26, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    I just want to share with you that I think this is what it’s like to be human and come to terms with how fragile we can be………and in the midst of this………still realize that no one has taken any thing from us at all….the power inside us is always there…..even at these tender raw moments…..


  317.  #321English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    #318 Susan

    I likes me a SHINY man not an old grand-dad, and I am not being judgemental here because I am a grand-mother myself but honestly the sexes are way different on the most part when it comes to age…….sure I don’t expect to attract a 40 year old (same age as my daughter) but I so do not want a doddery old incontinent, impotent (!!) old timer LOL!! Oh My God I am just feeling very sorry for myself tonight, well that’s OK I am having a pity party and I am the only guest LOL!! I LOVE me, I am a really GOOD person and any man that doesn’t see that has rocks in his head………….yeah me…………I can riff and rock and roll with the best of them. 😀

  318.  #322laughing goddess on July 26, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    Hi FW! I’m around sporadically reading. I haven’t been posting much as I’ve been having some internet challenges and also have been busy doing some other things, playing music, getting ready for some upcoming travel. It feels good to pop in every now and again and catch up with the goings on. As always, I feel appreciative your voice and contributions here 🙂

    Lillybelle: I feel so relieved that your personal photos weren’t damaged. Hugs!

    IM: I feel super inspired by Abraham. I saw your question about manifestations and I just wanted to say that I manifested a (for me) good amount of unexpected cash into my reality this week, which was a very pleasant surprise and just today manifested a ticket for an event I want to go to at cost even though they are sold out and being scalped for very high prices.

    It works! It really really does.

  319.  #323tinque on July 26, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    Okay English Woman, got it. Here is what I think. If you want to see him, genuinely want to see him, then tell you feel excited to see him. I would not invite him to stay with you unless you feel okay with this.

    And now my dear you are a different woman. You have learned a lot and have grown, blossomed even if sometimes it doesn’t feel that way.

    If he comes, and you feel shaky, you have a wonderful place to come (here) for support.

    You don’t have to accept crumbs. If that’s all he gives, you give him the boot.

    But with this new energy you now carry (yes you are carrying new energy as wobbly as may feel right now), he may very well transform into a different man.


  320.  #324ice Princess on July 26, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    My ex-husband has got to be the stupidest person alive. I hate dealing with him. He doesn’t pay orntake care of his kids and all he does is laugh at me on the phone when I tell him what the kids need! I could just scream right now and throw things I am so very mad at this situation!

  321.  #325Graceful Love on July 26, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    Dear Sirens,

    I have been away for a while working on my strength and self love, healing my relationship. I have been itching my finger and having sleepless nights. After a thorough scrutinizing of all the ailments i had in the past one year and more, he confirmed that I was bipolar.

    Just as I totally let go of the past, released it, started living positively and took control on my life. I had never been better than ever in the last few months. now and then I get to know this. I really don’t want to get into medication and want to do anything to get the mood swings right – yoga, pranayam, meditation, eft, nlp..

    Sleepless again..

    Graceful Love

  322.  #326Graceful Love on July 26, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    “The Doctor” confirmed the diagnosis. Sorry i wrote he instead..i guess it’s the bipolar effect acting.

  323.  #327Graceful Love on July 26, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    I want to add – be grateful to everything and everyone. All negative emotion is not worth it. Throw it out of your system. Really really work to get to a place where you completely accept yourself and love yourself. You are a wonderful and beautiful soul. Only if you could understand the power within. I understand this completely mentally but because of the bipolar i get more moody and emotional. I will take care of this too – with self healing, infinite healing powers within and god’s help and the support of all my wellwishers here.

    Thank you Rori for being there through your words and videos.

  324.  #328Ella on July 26, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    Hello Ladies,

    So I seem to have got myself firmly back on an even keel.

    Today I just feel as though I have relaxed and nothing is really that important.

    J came over last night.

    He said he was really sorry for not coming back the night before and he had had a minin freak out.

    He said he decided not to even bring it up with his brother. He asked if we can just forget it and move on.

    I was in my fem energy and just agreed with what he had decided. I expressed that I felt bad when he disappeared. I don’t want people to disappear, and I felt angry.

    Then I let it go.

    I decided to focus on the present moment and feel the feelings in my body.

    I said I felt hungry and he suggested we get pizza. I agreed. He only had a small amount of money, so we went halves which I would not normally do with a guy but I felt ok with it.

    He got busy finding a take away place and organising the food which felt good.

    We talked and watched a film. It felt nice.

    I hoped he would cuddle me and wanted to ask but also wanted to stay in fem energy. Wasn’t sure about this… can we ask for what we want? ie ‘it would feel so nice to be cuddled?’ I thought about looking at him and saying I felt disconnected but this was not the right feeling at all so in the end I just kinda snuggled into him then he pulled me over and we ended up kissing and cuddling.

    It began to get a little steamy and I stopped it. I had decided I did not want to have sex until I was sure I felt safe and on an even keel again.

    So I had decided no sex for me.

    Then he said he wondered if he should crash over or go home. I already knew I wasn’t going to have him stay that night as I had work today and needed to sleep.

    But it felt triggering to think of sending him home. Still I decided that I would regardless.

    In the end I did not have to say because he picked up on it.

    It felt very triggering because I knew he was going to have to walk hom 50 mins in the dark… I could have driven him. It was late though and I did not want to.

    I had thoughts about being the heartless b8tch and fear that he will leave because I hold my boundary and do not offer a lift.

    It felt nervous and difficult for me.

    After he left I felt really Rockstar.

    Generally today I have been feeling really relaxed and I have been in the moment enjoying things throughout my day.

    I have also been thinking that there are lots of men who can make me feel good who are clammouring to give stuff to me!

    Woohoo, that is great.

    I didn’t realise that before. Or at least I never FELT it.

    It doesn’t matter if one man goe because there truly will be others who make me feel just as good, if not better.

    And there are so many men who want to take me out and I can just let them and appreciate what they bring me.

    That is the other thing I have been doing.

    Just appreciating what they bring me rather than judging it.

    I sitll get triggered with some panic NVs sometimes when I think about me and J, stuff like ‘it can never work he is too young… you will fall for him and he will leave you and you will get your heart broken’ And it is a loud NV when it comes and feels scary.

    But then I breath and remember he is just a CD, and I ground myself in the present moment and realise I am safe!

    And there will be other CDs – and who knows what they may bring.

    J has used the word ‘relationship’ when referring to me and him a few times, despite the no g,friend speech.

    But I saw a post of his on FB today about work (mine – I am recruiting) and he refers to me as a ‘mate’ hmph… don’t like the feel of that much either.

    Oh well not going to bring it up atm.

    In other news quite an interesting guy from POF is going to call me tomorrow for a chat.

    And hot guy from FB is still threatening to make ‘real’ contact… but not stepping up yet.

    And another dude is going to drive me to the festival I want to go to in a couple of weeks and I know he likes me.

    Thanks to all the lovely Sirens who have supported me recently.

    You all pulled me up out of the panic pits and firmly back onto my shiny marble bridge.

    I am generally feeling good.

    Want to work on my website some more and also want to lose another 1/2 stone.

    Hmmm I love my life right now.


  325.  #329Jeannette on July 26, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    Thank you sammie and to everyone here….I am having a very rough time. I went to Steve’s house after work today and just balled my eyes out in the driveway. The house is vacant now, both he and his brother that he lived with died within 6 days of ea. other. Yes, Rick was on hospice when Steve died so it was just the last straw for him. SO the house will probable just be turned back over to the bank now. I just sat there and looked at the house sitting in my car. All the blinds are pulled and Steve’s truck is still sitting in the back yard. I would buy it but it would just be a keep sake. It’s in need of alot of work and is a standard transmission. So, I just sat and thought…the house is in the country in a nice setting but it needs work too. So there you go. I have a house in town. I do have some of Steve’s shirts and vests, and photo’s here with me. He was in many bands and I have a lot of pictures. I am so grateful plus I have 400 emails from him saved too from the last 13 mo.s

  326.  #330Jeannette on July 26, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    I wanted to share one more thing. The morning of June 18th was the morning Steve was called in for his liver transplant. Never forget. His sister in law drove him in and I met him up there. About a 50 minute drive. We were told I shouldn’t drive him at the liver transplant class because if you are real close to the one who is getting it, you will be very emotional so they told me ti drive separate. SO the morning he called, a Sat., at around 7 am., I started to cry when he told me he was going in. I told him I loved him and would get ready to go and meet him. On the way to the hospital he called me 2 or 3 times and asked me where I was. I told him I was getting closer. His sister in law Judy told me ea time he got off the phone with me and after he said he loved me, he cried. It really touches me. When I got to the hosp. they had already taken him down to the O.R. His sister in law gave me 20 dollars and said, “This is from Steve, he wants you to use it today to get a lunch and for parking your car.” Oh I miss him so much….so VERY VERY MUCH!!

  327.  #331Ella on July 26, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    Just to lose this belly fat now…

    I have heard about acacia berries. Do Sirens know anything about these? Are they any good?

  328.  #332FlowerChild77 on July 26, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    Ella…in your last post you said something about wanting to “lose another 1/2 stone”—what does that mean? Some sort of European measurement? Just curious…

  329.  #333Daria on July 26, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    Ella – for belly fat take a table spoon of apple cider vinegar in water before meals
    ull see results quickly

  330.  #334Corin on July 26, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    266- FW I had not thougth of that. My experience in the past has been that any reply to somone I immediately sense has desperate or strange vibes just means that they see it as an opener and come back for more in response to my message. As I am 100% sure that these men don’t meet my needs, I believe that the route of less drama is to block. However your comment has prompted me to consider that if I start to get uncomfortable vibes from someone after initially liking them then yes I will practice authenticity. In the past I would have simply stopped replying to them and moved on. Thanks for the idea.

  331.  #335FlowerChild77 on July 26, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    Ella…also…about belly fat…I haven’t been doing it lately (been waiting to get my car fixed–I’ll have it back by tomorrow) but I work out in the water and it’s fantastic. Even when that is the only exercise I do I can feel/see the difference in about 2 weeks (I go three times a week.)

    I use balls and other floating type weights and it’s such a great workout without getting all sweaty! 😉

    I was just talking to my daughter about this last night because we were shopping for clothes (somewhat depressing for me, right now.) There is no impact on your joints and the water is enough resistance to really get a good workout. I can’t wait to get started again. (Must be my Pisces nature that I love water so much!)

    Since I’ve been off my regular schedule, I’ve put on a few pounds and am not happy with my body like this. I’m really exited about going again and getting my body back to where I want it. (I’m no bikini babe—I’m 51y/o and I’ve had four babies–but once I lose these extra pounds, I’ll be back in my size 10 jeans and I’ll be happy with that.)

    You look fantastic in your zumba video—I don’t see any belly fat! 🙂

  332.  #336Ella on July 26, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    Jeanette – I am sending you lots of love at this difficult time. xx

  333.  #337Ella on July 26, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    Daria re 333.

    Yes I will try this. I have heard you mention this before.


    Flwerchild – Regarding the 1/2 stone… it is half a stone, or 7lbs.

    Do you not use these measurements in the USA? Do you only use kilograms?

  334.  #338Ella on July 26, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    Has anyone seen the film ‘Meet Joe Black’?

    I love it… just saw the end again and I am crying. It is so good.

    And the Heroine in the film is a total Siren!

  335.  #339tinque on July 26, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    I think stones are only used in the UK, Australia, and New Zealand. I never got used to them when living in NZ. Always had to do the multiplication on it.

    Not even kilos here in the US except in science and only sometimes.


  336.  #340Jeannette on July 26, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Thank you Ella…

  337.  #341Lilybelle on July 26, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    338: LOVE this movie, Elle. LOVE it!

    “Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. I say, fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head, and you listen to your heart. And I’m not hearing any heart. Cause the truth is, honey, there’s no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven’t lived a life at all. But you have to try, cause if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.”

  338.  #342Ella on July 26, 2011 at 5:01 pm


    Yay 🙂

    Sirens I feel tired.

    Off to bed. xx

  339.  #343Plum on July 26, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    ((((((Susan)))) I am crying with you, I am so sorry.


  340.  #344Plum on July 26, 2011 at 5:27 pm

  341.  #345Plum on July 26, 2011 at 5:30 pm


    495: Plum says:
    LDR , logistics and bounding

    Men often go very far for a first meeting, for the heck of it, because it is fun and exciting.

    But they live in the moment. They don’t plan ahead.
    After a couple of meetings, the novelty is gone, they feel the need to save the money for their real life.
    In short, they go back to reality.

    They come up with the fact they can’t afford the plane tickets or they lack time.
    Suddenly, they “discover” they can’t travel regularly to seriously date the lady.

    If the woman is not emotionally involved when they say that, all is fine.
    He was a good experiment, part of Cdating.
    The door is opened if he should ever “discover” he can come to visit her again.
    He is just a date.
    He always visits again, eventually, but she does not see him very often.
    He never evolves in more than just a date.

    But if the bounding took place, VERY often the woman can’t wait so long, and she pays for the tickets, she changes her life to fit his schedule, etc….
    She was looking for love but she ends up losing a fortune to meet a man who is not even in her every day life.
    A man who does NOTHING for her, in HER real life.

    She becomes the person who pays and act to court the other one.
    Not a good place to be for a feminine woman…

    Written by Plum
    Sunday, 21 November 2010 @ 1:02am


  342.  #346Starla on July 26, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    My days have ups and downs but at the end of the day i am on the up.

    i have a support system and people who accept me for who i am

    i have a future and a life full of possibilities

    i have nice boobs

    see, i have plenty going for me:)

  343.  #347Plum on July 26, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    447: LonePlum says:

    A siren had made plans for a date and the guy went to meet another girl
    Rori wrote to her:
     “””””this is what happens sometimes, and it’s why you NEVER want to put out ANY effort for a first meet – in fact, for a long dating time. He has to come to you, to close by to where you are – home or work…so you don’t have to put out effort. Keep going – you’re learning… “””””

    That’s also my intuitive attitude and not only because he can change his mind.
    I never move, no matter what.

    Men fly, ride a train or drive to me, I don’t go half way
    Men make plans, I don’t interfere.

    A man knows what he wants to do and he does it.
    I intuitively expect a man to come to me.
    I have nothing to lose in waiting for him here.

    If he can’t come to me in the first place, how the hell can he create a relationship with me?
    I don’t want my life to become more complicated, having to help a man to convince himself he wants to see me lol

    I want my life to become brighter, not crowder.
    And I want my man happy to become happy with me.
    I want him to enjoy what he does to catch my heart.
    I don’t know what he enjoys, so I don’t interfere.

    Men who live far away meet me because at some stage they come up with
    “I can be in your town next week end, are you available?” (the first time a guy from abroad said that, was powww!!!! Mind blowing! What a surprise! Men can actually do that )
    “yes”” or “no” is all I have to say.
    “Can we change it within 2 weeks” is the most I suggest.
    Some men have emailed me suggesting we’d meet half way
    I politely say it is too far from my town.
    I don’t explain why, and I don’t suggest them a different solution.
    I don’t tell them what to do.
    But I don’t want a man to tell me what to do to save HIM work while he is looking for HIS own happiness.
    Can he put it up all the way or will he need me to hold it for him half way?
    lol :p

    The day a man gives me love, his love will transform into energy. I will work at building a new life together with him.
    Right now, my energy is not meant to help a stranger satisfy his curiosity about me.
    I don’t care if it is a problem of time or money or health or logistics, the fact is he can’t come to me, so he can’t. That’s it.
    Nothing personal.

    I don’t look into his bridge to find him excuses.
    I don’t want to help him do things he can’t/don’t want to do by himself.
    And I am not one of the boys either, I don’t have to share half and half with him.
    I am the woman he might want to court.
    I stay on my bridge. The gate is opened, he is welcome in any time, along with others.
    I am having a garden party on my bridge.( as if lol)
    I am not leaving my bridge and my guests, to go fetch him and carry him back on my shoulders.
    The man says he does not want to come to me.
    How much clearer can it be?
    Rori says to listen to the man and to believe him.

    Written by Plum
    Wednesday, 27 October 2010 @ 8:33am


  344.  #348Plum on July 26, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    291: English Woman

    I don’t know if his reference to a panic attack is sarcastic, I doubt it is. You did send a list of feelings that tend to say you are suffering when you think he might visit you. He is doing his best trying to understand what you mean.

    I think his answer is elegant, he is telling you he is feeling the same way as you do. His offer to pay a hotel is quite positive. He would pay a hotel during his entire stay, he would be alone in a hotel room which is not so joyful, he would not have sex if that is what you want, he is fine with it as long as he can see you.

    But you might mean something deeper

    You might mean that you are afraid to WANT sex with him, to have sex with him, and that sex won’t change the fact he will have to go back home and you won’t cope with the hurt
    You might mean that you are also afraid to NOT have sex with him.

    So there is no way to win. Deep down you want him to want you.
    You will hurt if he does not want you, you so want him to love you.
    You will hurt if he wants you, and then leave afterwards.
    You might mean may be if you share your fear now, he will magically answer to you: don’t be afraid, I am coming to visit you, fall in love and stay to live with you.

    He can’t say that, so he does his best in his answer.

    So you have to think that he can’t change his life (or he has not been inspired to, I don’t know the details.)
    If he visits you, he will go back to the USA, and you will go back to your singlehood as before
    If he does not visit you, you stay in your singlehood as before
    Seen from here his visit won’t change your singlehood
    So his visit does not seem to be a danger to your life. It could be a relief, to see him again, after such a long time. I mean right now you are obsessed with him, you block the path for any new man. Meeting him can’t make it worse. It can only help say face to face all the things you bottled up along the years. Write them down so you make sure to clean the air before he leaves.

    What seems to be a danger is what your mind is making of his visit. I don’t think that sharing your inner fight with him is helping you to know what to decide. And I don’t think it is inspiring him to visit you either. He needs to know if you want him to visit or not. He needs to know his visit is good news for you, not an agony.

    Will you have sex when he will get to it or will not you? It has nothing to do with him, but with what you want. That’s how you keep the power. And either choice won’t change the fact that he will have to go back to the USA or that you might hurt when he leaves. He can’t do a thing to help you about that. You have to decide yourself if you will cope with the hurt or even will you hurt?
    Even if you feel sad after he leaves, the power will stay yours, because you will have done with him exactly what you want. He is saying he will do what you want.

    You are the only one who can decide
    1. To forget him totally right now and not email back ever again.
    2. to keep as you are now, miserable without meeting him, stuck on his souvenir
    3. or to feel miserable during his visit and after,
    4. or to enjoy his company, clear the air by speaking face to face and go back to dating when he leaves.

    He is doing nothing on purpose to make you feel miserable.
    He likes you a lot, he wants to travel to see you again.
    He can’t help it if he lives in the USA and you live in the UK.
    He did not set up the situation to hurt you.
    You are aware of the situation.
    You have to decide. But he can’t own your fear.

    One thing is sure: if there is one chance in a billion that he decides to stay living with you, it will be because he had a chance to visit you and to share HAPPY FEARLESS time with you.

    As long as he has nothing else than a 3 years old memory, he won’t take the decision to live with you, if you see what I mean.

    So what do you want? The man said it is your take, he will do what you want. You got the power.


  345.  #349Lilybelle on July 26, 2011 at 5:49 pm


    Starla!!! I almost spit my drink on my puter.

    “I have nice boobs.”


    Me too and a nice tushy.

  346.  #350Brenda on July 26, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    Alias Girl,

    RE: #295 – I like all that you said. I have pretty much tried it, and I needed that reminder to return to water wheel and goddess. That is probably the part I was missing…so it left me sending a nervous vibe, maybe.

    I am going to stop saying, “How are you?” and just let the conversation take its natural course. Love it!

  347.  #351Susan on July 26, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    RE: 343: Plum

    Thank you. 🙂

  348.  #352Lilybelle on July 26, 2011 at 6:17 pm



    You are so incredibly helpful. This was a GREAT one.

    I need to print it out and tape it to my mirror.

    “If he can’t come to me in the first place, how the hell can he create a relationship with me?
    I don’t want my life to become more complicated, having to help a man to convince himself he wants to see me lol”

    How do I say something like that TO him?

    I am dealing with that now and I am not going to convince him that he wants to see me. Either he does and he makes it happen or he doesn’t. He gets no pushing from me. I feel frustrated as hell, trying to do plan making for getting together.

  349.  #353Starla on July 26, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    349 lillybelle,
    haha me too!

    though i am noticing that as i get older my booty is SHRINKING! wtf!!

    How do I keep this thing big and juicy?


  350.  #354alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    #350 brenda yes, i guess just let men fumble way their way through. and me too. let myself fumble through. and just paint myself in love or something while enjoying the silence. lol.

  351.  #355DE on July 26, 2011 at 6:28 pm


    I feel so happy to notice u are beginning to share about Steve…u touching moments with him…

    I feel soo curious, what made you feel connected to him when u first met him?

    Big warm loving hugs,

  352.  #356alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    Hot hispanic guy just texted me and i feel over it. is this going to me some imaginary text thing? and tomorrow is weds and he said we would go dancing and i feel both relieved and disappointed to tell myself the story that it won’t happen.

    but he doesn’t call. and he hasn’t mentioned weds and i feel kind of over the “love you texts” already.
    it’s only really been two days.

    i don’t feel like responding to his text.

    i would only be responding out of

    “duty” – to be polite and not ignore his text

    he seems really sweet but i don’t want imaginary. and yet i don’t want to put a man on my schedule either. if he’s not feeling the inspiration to move it forward that’s ok. but i’m not feeling the inspiration to tread water out of politeness to keep things in place and keep the boat still.

    if i texted back a “need” —i feel icky that it would be to “get” something from him

    the best option feels like moving on with my day and doing yoga like i was about to.

    i feel tense about something i was working on today that i didn’t make progress on. i feel “a shortage of time”. which is illusory.

    i am in the future and not my now. i want to get back to my goddess now where everything is delicious.

    i hope HHG steps up and we go dancing at some point!!! that would be fun!

    i feel good to experiment with letting men come to me on their own time table, and in the meantime i am CDING and treating them all equal.

  353.  #357Jeannette on July 26, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    DE, are you asking what made me feel connected to Steve in the beginning because you don’t understand or just because you want to know more about our connection?

  354.  #358alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    if i really liked a girl i would want to know the soonest possible time i could see her again and i would want to know she agreed to meet me on such and such day.

    maybe he thinks we are still on for weds? i don’t know… men are such last-minute creatures.

    i am not. so not.

    i feel “frustrated”. rori says the word “frustrated” often indicates the person is trying to control something and it is not going his or her way.

    dingdingding. that sounds accurate.

  355.  #359DE on July 26, 2011 at 6:46 pm


    Yes, because I want to know more about your connection to him 🙂 What sparked u interest? what open u heart towards him :)…

    Warm hugs,

  356.  #360Jeannette on July 26, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    DE, we were childhood sweethearts at 16 and 17. Then 40 years later found that same spark. We were very comfortable and genuine with each other. Like that 40 year gap didn’t even take place. He is very sweet, humble, the opposite of egotistical. He remained shy despite he was to greatest guitar player in this part of the country. Everyone knew it. He wasn’t a follower, he never did drugs although he was in that environment. Now he did drink some when he was out performing but he only did when he wanted to not because it was what all the other guys were doing. He is a very caring man. Took care of his dying brother even when he was at his sickest. Took care of his mom and dad before they died as well. He loved children and animals and they all loved him. He was quiet when he spoke and when he told me he loved me, he REALLY MEANT IT….Never raised his voice, I even feel he took more from others then he should have. Just very very sweet. No one like him.

  357.  #361DE on July 26, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Oh, what a beautiful love story…and a great man indeed 🙂

    How did u feel in his presence? besides feeling comfortable?

    Warm hugs,

  358.  #362alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    ok. i did new behavior.

    i called the cd guy back and i did try to get my feeling messages out

    i don’t feel romantic

    i feel pressured

    i feel like i want to get off the phone right now

    i can’t put my finger on it but i felt bad. i think because i feel so pressured by him. and he was trying to sell himself and convince me and

    it’s so many different items that we don’t match up on

    and if he would just back the F*ck up i might give him more of chance but the way i feel now i don’t even want to ever talk to him again.

    i feel ANGRY!


    I FEEL PRESSURED AND THAT FEELS LIKE WALLS COMING UP like i need to protect myself. and i feel myself shutting down and backing away internally from the conversation. i feel myself putting away the dishes while he talks on and on. i feel very who cares.

    who cares.

    and that feels like me wanting to run away and hide. that feels like

    being VIOLATED somehow.


    i feel poked at. i feel like someone is grabbing at me like i am the last doll on the shelf in christmas eve.

    ah. interesting.

    i feel very self loving that i am riffing this so i can know just what the heck is going on in me and why i am reacting so strongly and resistantly.

    ah, yes.

    i need time and space to make my own mind up without someone try to GET me to fill their needs or desires. without someone trying to GET SOMETHING
    from me on their timetable

    this is excellent for me to experience so i can know how men feel when i come at THEM with MY agenda. even if it’s unspoken people can feel the energy.

    this guy kept saying “no pressure”

    but I FELT such PRESSURE.

    aw i really really love me. thank you.

    plenty of men out there. new men all the time. no worries. have fun. enjoy. easy come, easy go.


  359.  #363Nikita on July 26, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Ding ding ding

  360.  #364Jeannette on July 26, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    DE, Steve made me feel like a woman, he turned me on with his respect and love for me. I was excited each time to see him. He made me understand how real love is and that nothing else could compare because true love is rare indeed. I REALLY appreciated him even more the second time around. Our relationship was rock solid. There was a real element of trust within the relationship. I was excited and joyful to be with him…every moment counted. He gave a great deal for being as sick as he was.

  361.  #365Brenda on July 26, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    Alias Girl,

    RE: #354 – Love it! 😆

  362.  #366Femininewoman on July 26, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    RE 322 Hey LG glad to see you are still around. I always love your “voice” here.

  363.  #367Jeannette on July 26, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    DE, one more thing….Steve’s kisses and touch made me feel as though I was 16 again!!

  364.  #368DE on July 26, 2011 at 7:39 pm


    Yes, i see and i sure can relate to it…feeling respected translated as feeling loved to you…:) Respect it’s often one the first attributes/qualities lost in a relationship that’s doomed to failure…knowing how it feels to be respected by a man is sure to be treasured…

    How does it feel to be respected to you ? What would a man must do/or not do so you can feel respected?

    Btw, Jeannete, please answer only if you feel like it …I would totally understand if its not a good time…

    Warm hugs,

  365.  #369roxy on July 26, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    @feminewoman. wwwooow I have been amazed about the book .. thinking positive always works I am also able to see the positoive things about the guy I love but my problem is understanding how or what he feels for me. As I mentoioned earlier he is confused. Do I just let go? And see what steps he takes to find out if he’s interested

  366.  #370DE on July 26, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    Jeanette #367:

    Awww….soooooo sweet…:) Tingly and warm?!! Oh, those sweet 16 🙂

    Warm hugs,

  367.  #371Emerson on July 26, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    Hey Brenda, regarding the “how are you” question…I’ve just experimented with not saying it with men, and the response I get has been positive as long as I’m staying warm and open….

    I like not saying it to men. It forces me to think about and answer truly how I feel!

    I did it today in fact! With cute guy at work guy! I’ve mentioned him before on the blog…the guy at work that is so cute and kinda shy…

    I saw him today and he said hi how are you?? I said so far it feels like a good day! Hmm what do you think of my answer…I kept walking because I was at work…but I smiled and was warm and open!
    hmm…should I have stopped and talked to him? but I didn’t want to lean forward…

  368.  #372alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 8:32 pm

    i don’t want to text or call if there are no plans to meet.

    this is my new clarity.

    i don’t want to.

    if there is not meeting planned, then i don’t want to to text or call. if we have a meeting plan then i feel good to text or call.

    i feel excited. this is exactly how i feel and i have finally figured a way to keep myself on my happy ever after.

    i am looking for real life meetups and deepening connections.


  369.  #373Emerson on July 26, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    Alias girl, I like that. I agree, after the initial pleasantries, what is the point of talking or texting if there are no plans to meet? I love this revelation. 🙂 So simple, but seeing it in writing is helpful.

    Yay alias girl!

  370.  #374Emerson on July 26, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    hmm I have mixed feelings about sharing my phone number with guys on POF….one guy just sent me his number and asked me to call him….I don’t feel comfortable calling him so I think I may reply that I want the guy to call first….I like talking on the phone before meeting anyway.

    Your thoughts sirens?

    I’ve already given it out to a few I’ve met online, (and only one has been a pest so far with overtexting and overcalling!!!), so I figure what’s the harm in one more

  371.  #375Emerson on July 26, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    I feel thankful for this blog

    I feel thankful for the support I get with onine dating
    For me having this blog is priceless…it’s better than just asking friends or brainstorming with them, it may just turn into a bitch session or they kinda judge you sometimes….or they now have info about you to gossip that you’re dating online this type of guy or that….

    So this blog is like a friend that is there for me anytime! Because one or more of you sirens is always there for me!

    It’s amazing, when I think about it.

    I’m thankful because I’ve made huge giant mistakes in the past, even last summer when I first started dating online trying it out…I was leaning waaay forward with guys because I was still caught in that trap…gaaaahhh I cringe.

    I love me and my cringe

  372.  #376Butterfly wings on July 26, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    #216 Jennga – it’s nothing technical. We usually talk via various forms of instant messaging. If one shows he’s available and the other says he’s “away” then I know his computer is off. I know this because he stays connected at work.

    I saw him at lunch time. He didn’t look happy. About to head to a 2 hour meeting and he’ll be there.

    But that’s ok. Things will feel better in time. I do miss him though. 🙁

    On the bright side my sister and I are going to the pub on Friday with people from work. I’m driving so can only have a couple but it should be fun!

    I kind of leaned forward with the really sweet guy from a couple of weeks ago that I met at the pub when I was out with the girls.

    He added me on FB the night we met and I kind of fobbed him off because of TH. So today I commented on one of his posts and of course he replied.

    Life does go on it seems!!

  373.  #377alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    emerson, YES! it felt like a revelation and a brilliant solution for me. so simple yet i hadn’t really clarified it for myself until now.

    i feel similar about this blog. it has helped me a lot and i feel very appreciative.

    about the guys giving me their number. sometimes guys just sort of shove their number at me online and i say “thank you” and then i never call them. lol.

    i felt like they just threw the ball at me like a dodgeball then ran away scared.

    but i honestly don’t recommend my way of doing things in that instance, i am just sharing it.

    or sometimes a man will more cordially give me his number and it feels better and i will say thank you, here’s mine.

    and i still won’t call them. they can call me if they like.

    other sirens have other wording they use sometimes which is probably more effective for what they want. but i like the way i do it for me.

  374.  #378Emerson on July 26, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    Thx alias girl for sharing your thoughts….

    Regarding the phone number and the guy calling…I’ve posed this question before sirens so don’t think I’m crazy keep asking the same thing 😉

    I guess I was just wondering aloud about how many of you give out your numbers…

    Yes Alias girl I think I will say something like “here is my number, I feel open to talking with you. I feel comfortable with the man call first” I’ve yet to have a guy not call when I’ve said that.

    I think I’m ok with it, after all, I used to give guys my nubmer in bars/clubs!! LOL

    I think I’m feeling hesitant and funky because Im in the middle of a transition, literally…
    and also…
    to be honest…
    I’m kinda thinking about recycledCD too much…:o
    nonono I need to keep CDing…

    It’s ok
    I love my neediness
    I love my doubts
    I love my clarity
    I love my cloudiness
    I love me and my imperfections

  375.  #379alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    i give out my number all the time. i have so many men in my phone i have no idea who they even are. and then there are the people who call who aren’t in my phone. i have even less of an idea of who they are.

  376.  #380Emerson on July 26, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    379 LOL Alias girl!! hahaha!! I know what you mean!

    I have guys in my phone that I met online ages ago….and once in a while one will call or text out of the blue. I usually don’t reply or else I reply with “who is this”??
    Who??? hahha Oh you dropped the ball about six months ago…hahah maybe I should give them a chance but buy that time, I’ve lost interest..yawn!

  377.  #381Butterfly wings on July 26, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    Lol AG you crack me up! I have a heap of numbers in my phone too, and wouldn’t have a clue who some of them belong to! Might have to go and do a cleanup I think! 😀

  378.  #382English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    #298 Patricia

    Thank you, yes softening opening, not being filled with fear though I was just doing it the RR way and saying how I felt in the moment……….

    Today is another day. 🙂

    But I do LIKE speaking the truth now, not all this stuff it down, brush it under the carpet like before, I have even managed to do this at work this past week, which is so unlike “my usual grin and bare it I need this job usual vibe.”

  379.  #383alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    BW and emerson – 🙂


    HHG just texted again.

    i wrote:

    “i feel unsure. if there was no plan to meet then i don’t want to text.”

    at least i hope this is what i wrote with the help of my spanish dictionary. lol.

    and then i thought maybe he thinks we’re going dancing tomorrow. or maybe

    he wanted me to come see him where he works.

    but no. i don’t care. then he can make that clear.


    he just texted back.

    “ok sorry”

    well i feel good i didn’t waste too much time on that!

  380.  #384English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    #323 Tinque

    Thank you, yes you are right, I have a very different vibe these days despite my wobbler last night LOL!!

    I got up this morning and was afraid to come onto the blog because I didn’t know what kind of response I would get, all the young Sirens getting angry at a woman of my age acting like a teenager and the wiser Sirens getting sighing at these LDR’s which are the pits really…….anyway that’s not what happened I have woken up to support and I feel touched that people have responded to me in a positive manner.

    IRL although I am the friendly type who gets on with most people I am also a very private type and don’t share this kind of stuff easily so have nobody else to talk to, not even my family as they probably think I am nuts for even going there LOL!!

    Thanks for taking the time Tinque.

  381.  #385Jeannette on July 26, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    DE, to be respected is when a man respects your wishes…no matter what. That is when he is treating you like a lady. Few men really know how to do that. Steve did. Or rather Steve does. I prefer to believe he is still around me…

  382.  #386English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 9:47 pm

    #330 Jeanette

    My heart goes out to you and I am sending you big love across the pond, I am crying my eyes out now, you had SUCH love between you and I am sure Steve knew it too. Take care xxx

  383.  #387English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    #348 Plum

    I feel honoured that you have taken the time to (as always) given such thought to your reply to me, your posts always give me such inner peace when I read them, you are so gracious kind of like a Grace Kelly type LOL!!

    You are right and I think I will go with number 4) thank you LOL!!

    He will come here and we will have some fun and a few laughs, he can stay at my place, I am OK with that and my heart MAY get broken as he returns to the USA but then again it may NOT and I will just get back onto my horse and keep riding like the wind.

    Thank you so much for helping me to see sense…….I just wish I had an ounce of your wisdom. 🙂

  384.  #388English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 10:02 pm

    #331 Ella

    Those acai berries are just another money spinner I feel, the way to get rid of belly fat is to give up alcohol or at least cut down a lot………..still working on my own belly fat and cutting back on alcohol. 🙁

    You were talking to I think it was Turtle Girl a few months back (I have been reading the archives) about cutting sugar out of your diet, did you ever get into that? It’s something I am interested in…..

  385.  #389Jeannette on July 26, 2011 at 10:13 pm

    Thank you so much English Woman for caring….God bless…

  386.  #390Emerson on July 26, 2011 at 10:15 pm

    382 English Woman-that is wonderful you are speaking your mind and not stuffing your feelings! I am also learning this. I have gotten much much better at it and I feel so much better.

    It’s like I’ve let go of the feeling that everyone has to like me, or I have to “agree” with everyone, or I have to somehow appease or compromise every five seconds. My MOM does that, it’s so maddening. GAH>>>>

    383 Alias girl…LOL good for you and your Espanol!
    🙂 Hmm, I wonder what will happen next with HHG?

    No word from high pants guy? LOL 🙂

    I gave my number to a guy on POF earlier and he called me within a half hour ….now he just called again…ick it’s a little late.

  387.  #391Emerson on July 26, 2011 at 10:16 pm

    Jeannette, hugs to you. I know you were such a blessing to him!!

  388.  #392Emerson on July 26, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    390 I mean it’s a little late at night for a phone call unless you know the person!!!

    Grr…I’m wishing that recycledCD would call me…

    Sirens, how do we maintain our vibe once we are married and with one guy? I can maintain the non neediness now, somewhat, but what about when I’m with the guy all the time? I dunno.

    I know, CD self and friends, feeling messages, etc…I’m just scared mostly of feeling jealous or obsesing that the guy is cheating. I put a lot of miles on my car with my ex thinking he was at this one girls house…not not not good…me no like

  389.  #393Emerson on July 26, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    hmm…I feel curious about my jealous feelings, and wondering if recycledCD is with another girl
    I feel jealous

    and that feels like

    tight in my throat

    water in my eyes and nose

    creasy brows and eyes squinting

    I feel peaceful too

    and that feels like

    deep breath


    closed eyes

    and not going to worry about recycled cd…

    gonna do waterwheel instead

    and unfolding paper from the floor

    I feel I

  390.  #394Emerson on July 26, 2011 at 10:31 pm

    I feel I have options

    I feel powerful

    I feel weak

    I feel able to change

    I feel sleepy

  391.  #395Emerson on July 26, 2011 at 10:33 pm

    I feel curious how recycledCD feels about me

  392.  #396Daria on July 26, 2011 at 10:56 pm

    Emerson – you are doing amazing! amazing! you are really getting this Rori teachings down! brava to you!


  393.  #397English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 11:09 pm

    #339 Tinque

    In the UK we use stones and lbs to measure weight although this country is SUPPOSED to have gone metric it hasn’t in all areas it’s a bit of a mixture LOL!! 😀

    In Australia it is kilos and cms.

    I now work for an American company so I have to get my head around inches and pounds once again when I deal with the USA (needed for my job) …. and kilo’s and centimetres for the UK, except if you get weighed people still talk in pounds and stones (14lb = 1 stone) no wonder my head is in a mix. 🙂

  394.  #398English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 11:14 pm

    # 390 Emerson

    Yes it feels so much better and freeing to speak the truth about how we feel.

    I have always spoken the truth and kept my word, etc, but more in a boy energy kind of way if you know what I mean, not always telling the truth about how I feel, all that “Yep, I’m fine” when I absolutely am not…..I wish I had learnt this stuff years ago.

    My daughter is having a problem with a gf right now and I just told her to speak the truth about how she FEELS, she said she doesn’t like confrontation so I said it’s not about arguing or fighting it’s just telling her how YOU feel about the situation, I hope I am giving her good advise when I am still such a newbie myself…..

  395.  #399Emoticon on July 26, 2011 at 11:27 pm

    Did I not learn anything? Why am I up having a full blown flirtatious text conversation with my ex?

    He texted me 2 days ago n i responded n he kept texting me, so i ended up responding yesterday.

    Since he was about 2 b at work with no service he downloaded an app on his phone so that he could use the wifi at work 2 still txt me. So we were texting all of yesterday. I fell asleep and woke up 2 find that he texted me again when he got home so i responded. Surprisingly he was still up and started texting and asking me a bunch of questions again, carrying the conversation.

    I am not making anything of those “breadcrumbs”. However I do think he notices the changes I have made within myself and the change in the way that I communicate with him.

  396.  #400Emoticon on July 26, 2011 at 11:33 pm

    Mind, it is 2:33 am

  397.  #401English Woman on July 26, 2011 at 11:53 pm

    Now I am feeling foolish, like I listened toooo much to all these feeling messages stuff and now this man thinks I am like some nervous breakdown type!!

    And no I never even mentioned about being excited about seeing him again duh!!

    I am just drafting what to say about that, is this any good or totally wrong? Honestly I don’t have a clue sometimes……

    “I feel so happy and excited to see you again, my heart is racing too, and this is where my nervousness comes in, not just the butterflies in my tummy thinking about seeing you again, but I feel my heart is connected to my body………..and that is scary…..but I don’t feel any pressure whatsoever.

    I will leave the details to you, have a great day.”

  398.  #402alias girl on July 26, 2011 at 11:54 pm

    #390 emerson i feel a little sad or something to read that comment with the big smiley faces about HHG and pants guy.

    or maybe i feel mocked? what’s to big smile about? what’s so damn funny?

    i mean, in my mind, neither of those situations were great. and

    i was really interested in HHG and now it’s poofed.

    and now i’m at zero cds.

    i’m not sure.

  399.  #403Brenda on July 27, 2011 at 1:15 am


    RE: #371 – I think your response was terrific! I think it was fine that you didn’t stop and talk with him. He will just have to chase you down the next time!

  400.  #404Daria on July 27, 2011 at 1:32 am

    English Woman – perhaps you could rephrase.. “i feel my heart is connected to my body” that feels confusing in this context

    when it was first used it was clear that a woman was turning down sex so it made more sense in that context

  401.  #405Daria on July 27, 2011 at 1:33 am

    i would also drop the ‘i will leave the details to you, have a great day’ that puts it back into masculine mode

  402.  #406Brenda on July 27, 2011 at 1:36 am


    RE: #338 – Yes, I’ve seen “Meet Joe Black”! It’s one of my favorite movies! I think Brad Pitt’s acting ability is at its best in this movie! I felt astounded again and again at the atmosphere he created by playing his most unusual role…death. I also like Anthony Hopkins best in this movie. His character is so warm and loving…and wise.

  403.  #407alias girl on July 27, 2011 at 1:49 am

    #406 brenda you just made me want to see this. 🙂

  404.  #408alias girl on July 27, 2011 at 1:54 am

    i worked so hard today and now my head feels tense and squished. but the good news is i was working at something i feel EXCITED about and i feel OPTIONS about.

    and it’s interesting i am beginning to have faith in manifesting and law of attraction and it feels like “MIRACLES” when really it’s just the law of attaction doing what it does and matching my vibration. but since my success is a little new it feels like MIRACLES! lol.

    and i worked out my issue i was having earlier on that thing i was working on adn i figured out. i just have to delete what i did and redo hours worth of work. lol. but i feel HAPPY i figured it out and can make it work properly now.

    i feel amped up. i would really like to dial my setting down to content and leisurely.

  405.  #409alias girl on July 27, 2011 at 3:08 am

    i was just watching joan rivers fashion police on youtube. what is that woman —like 78 or something? she is freaking fiesty!

  406.  #410Ella on July 27, 2011 at 3:48 am

    Alias Girl – yes do watch Meet Joe Black – it is fab!

  407.  #411Daria on July 27, 2011 at 3:49 am


    i feel kinda weird

  408.  #412Lilybelle on July 27, 2011 at 3:55 am

    Good Morning, Beautiful Siren’s!

  409.  #413Daria on July 27, 2011 at 3:55 am

    i feel tired

  410.  #414rose on July 27, 2011 at 5:13 am

    it’s funny, i was thinking about a crush i had who i think liked me back, but nothing ever happened. He never got my number or email or anything. and I ran across his picture on facebook.

    then yesterday my crush showed up at my work! He’s doing another year of study there. We recognized eachother through a set of doors and he smiled and walked outside just to talk to me.

    We talked for maybe 5 seconds (Oh my gosh I’m just as attracted to him as I was 2 years ago) and then I said that I’m glad he’s back and I walked away.

    2 years ago I was so nervous and self conscious that I could barely look at him. Acting like that video clip where Rori says, “whoops! drama queen”. I felt I gave off this awful insecure vibe. I’m scared I’m going to do that again.

  411.  #415Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 5:37 am

    Roxy he will share what he feels when he is ready. Trying to figure out what is going on in his head as somebody put it erarlier is like emotional rape. Keep your focus on you. If you focus on him he will likely create distance between. If he is confused, leave him until he figures it out. Only he knows what he wants in his life.

  412.  #416Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 5:38 am

    RE 414 Synchronicity?

  413.  #417English Woman on July 27, 2011 at 5:48 am

    #404 and #405 Daria,

    Duh and there was me thinking I was doing so well, I thought the heart/body connection line was about sex, as in you know I can’t sleep with somebody I have no feelings for and when I do have feelings and sleep with the man, OMG the oxytocin kicks in and that is what is part of my fear……..

    I did sleep with a guy who I had feelings for a few years back and he had none for me only as a FWB, and wow what a mess I was over that, it’s just the way I am….

    Also the closing line I thought was girlish (LOL) like you are a man you make the plans…….

  414.  #418English Woman on July 27, 2011 at 5:53 am

    I love this from Plum #347

    “I stay on my bridge. The gate is opened, he is welcome in any time, along with others.

    I am having a garden party on my bridge.( as if lol)

    I am not leaving my bridge and my guests, to go fetch him and carry him back on my shoulders.

    I thought that was how my FM draft was coming across………obviously not…….any ideas of how to word things? Anybody……….

  415.  #419Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 5:53 am

    RE 362 Love it Alias Girl

  416.  #420Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 5:55 am

    RE 418 English could it because you are responding to something he wrote or maybe not really focussing on exactly what you are feeling? Remember it has to be authentic.

  417.  #421English Woman on July 27, 2011 at 5:56 am

    LOVING the garden party on my bridge 😀

  418.  #422Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 5:57 am

    RE 417 I experienced the last line as telling him what to do, giving him instructions, which is the reason I believe it comes across as masculine. I believe something like “I am open to whatever you might have in mind” or something similar is better.

  419.  #423English Woman on July 27, 2011 at 6:01 am

    #420 FW

    Yes just trying to draft something that “I” thought was RR style girly and it seemingly isn’t – I am at work now so can’t get into feelings or I will make too many mistakes LOL!!

    Hopefully somebody will have come up with some better words than me…..I know it’s supposed to be “my” words but I just seem to get it so wrong……..I know also I have to still talk as me otherwise it is going to sound fake. 🙂

  420.  #424Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 6:07 am

    RE 423 They might come with the better words but what I am saying is it might not be authentic. If you could find random words to share about how “you” feel about it might be helpful for people to respond to you. As in I feel confused, I feel silly, I feel excited about seeing you again but I also feel like I am walking on broken glass and feel shaky. I feel mixed emotions rising from the pit of my stomach.

  421.  #425Emerson on July 27, 2011 at 6:34 am

    402: alias girl says:
    “#390 emerson i feel a little sad or something to read that comment with the big smiley faces about HHG and pants guy.

    or maybe i feel mocked? what’s to big smile about? what’s so damn funny?”
    sorry alias girl I was certainly not intending to mock you…

    I put the smiley faces alias girl because I thought it was cool that you translated to Spanish when talking to HHG, and hmm, I feel confused, I guess I didn’t necessarily take it as he poofed…I had the impression that the two of you would still connect. Just my impression.

    And I put the smiliey face and LOL about high pants guy because I find the visual and your previous description amusing…but not in a mocking way, just the image of a guy with high pants makes me think of a funny image, that’s all. I was just curious if he had contacted you.

    Again sorry and I didn’t mean to mock you. It feels bad to be misunderstood.


  422.  #426Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 6:45 am

    “It feels bad to be misunderstood.”
    Emerson can I invite you to read the link in 250. Your comments to a certain extent suggests that you are taking responsibility for someone else’s feelings. I read the information yesterday and I was a big eyeopener for me on my own behavior. I have come to accept that without face to face interaction all kinds of things could possibly go wrong.

  423.  #427Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 6:46 am

    RE 326 Graceful Love despite your experience you sound positive. Your energy helps to put perspective on the things that are truly important in life.

  424.  #428Mel on July 27, 2011 at 6:53 am

    How can I manifest a job for myself? I’m starting to feel fearful that I won’t find anything (either home or abroad). I have one month… I don’t like feeling this time pressure.

    I’m trying to stay positive, but today’s a bad day. I’ve sent my resume to a bunch of different schools in a bunch of different places. I’m trying to be open and flexible. If it feels good or interesting at all, I apply even if I’m not sure how I would get there or work out the logistics. So far not even a nibble.

    My mom’s trying to be helpful. Said I can send stuff home with her when she leaves. But I’m not sure what (if anything) I should send because I’m not sure where I’ll end up. I’m feeling frustrated (which means I’m feeling out of control) but I’m not really sure what I should do.

    I feel deserving. I want to be happy and I’m willing to be open to different possibilities… but I’m getting a little impatient as to when some possibilities will show up. Feeling a little stuck.

    Suggestions from sirens on how to stay positively focused and manifest the good things from the universe that I want for myself?

  425.  #429Mel on July 27, 2011 at 6:56 am

    Universe… where am I meant to be? What am I meant to do?

  426.  #430DE on July 27, 2011 at 7:06 am

    Jeannette #385

    I feel glad to read about your experience with Steve…and I feel in agreement with you that Steve is still present with you…physical death is not spiritual death…

    Would you feel open to the idea of writing short letters to Steve? A few letters a week, or maybe everyday for a week? Maybe more? What would you tell him?

    Also, would feel open to write a letter from Steve to yourself? What would Steve say to you?

    Sending you peaceful and loving thoughts your way today… I feel hopeful to read your 1st letter when I return tonite …

  427.  #431roxy on July 27, 2011 at 7:08 am

    Definitely I dont want to create more confusions or push him away by pressuring him to make a decision about what he wants. i will leave him and let him be to make his decisions and have no contact with him. IF he texts me than I will take a look at it from an different approach as Rori states with positive attitude with no expectations from him.

    Or do I ignore his text ? What would be a better approach?

  428.  #432Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 7:10 am

    Mel please tell me what your anxiety and impatience is going to change?

  429.  #433Mochaberri on July 27, 2011 at 7:10 am

    @FW – 271 – Thank You…I’m asking becasue the guy I’m involved with we have had some issues regarding things that happened in the past while he was on “vacation” and he claims that even though they are in the past; they are his present. So with that being said, we are taking a break from the committed part of the relationship and just dating until December. We have our rules in place such as no hook ups during this time. It’s been since April that we’ve been like this and it seems that when things were progressing, we would end up taking two steps back after taking 3 steps forward. During a conversation, he told me that I was pushing to get to the next level once we reached a certain level. So I’ve started to lean back and let him run the show but I’m just wondering when December comes, is it OK to bring the subject up depending on where we’re at or give it a little more time.

  430.  #434Mel on July 27, 2011 at 7:14 am



    I know my anxiety and impatience won’t help. But that doesn’t change the fact that I feel that way. I guess I’m wondering how to morph those feelings into being more curious and open to receiving whatever is in store for me.

  431.  #435Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 7:17 am

    Roxy I believe 347 from Plum above could help you.

  432.  #436Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 7:20 am

    I learnt from Rori that we can “choose” better feeling thoughts. I have also learnt from Kaitlyn Hendricks to use my mind as a wonder tool “I wonder what other possibilities can I allow to come to me? I wonder where else I can look for job opportunities?”

    On another note I remember seeing Lercomari posting a link some time ago about Freelance writing I think it was. I am wondering if you could search the Internet for something like that? That could distract your mind a bit.

  433.  #437Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 7:29 am

    Mel I have also learnt from Sasha Xarrian that we magnitize things toward us by using our positive emotions such as exciment. I believe you can cheer yourself on and congratulate yourself for all the applications you have sent out thus far. One thing I learnt from Louse Haye also is “I am open and receptive to all the abundance in the Universe. Resources are all around me”. Though you might not feel that way, those thoughts help to re-wire our brains and our unconscious mind attracts the things we want. The stop sign tool can be used to stop the negative thought patterns also touching something physical. By the way Mel have you tried Rori’s Paint Yourself With Love Tool. Now might be a good time to experiment with it. Imagine the Universe looking at you with love and sending you what you want.

  434.  #438Mel on July 27, 2011 at 7:33 am

    Thanks FW! Where can I find Rori’s paint tool? Hias it been posted before?

  435.  #439Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 7:34 am

    RE 433 Mochaberri that feels awful to read. It is as if your life is on pause waiting for him. I got the imagine of a bird flying above his head in hover position. Are you living together with him? Are you dating any other guys?

  436.  #440roxy on July 27, 2011 at 7:34 am

    @plum and femininewoman
    Your points really helped me sees clear understanding of what to do. Definitely true . I would like to take that approach and let the guy loook for me. If you wants me he will cross bridges and roads to reach for me. During the time being i will worry about myself and what I want and desire to be happy.

  437.  #442DE on July 27, 2011 at 7:46 am

    Mel #428:

    I feel curious who is Mel…as described by Mel????
    What makes her heart sing? A wow moment/feeling?
    What did she aspire to be when she was a little girl?
    Did she accomplish her dream(s)?
    If not, what stayed in her path to accomplish them?

    These are few questions, I would answer to…if I were on a crossroad such as yours…

    Warm hugs

  438.  #443Emerson on July 27, 2011 at 7:52 am

    428 @ Mel
    For me, facing life one day at a time is how I temper my anxiety about how things will fall into place….I’m not in the same situation as you, but I’m in a transition job/housing wise and I feel worried sometimes. I have no idea how it’s going to pan out.
    It’s a bit cliche but the one day at a time thing helps me to curb the “urgency” factor that clouds my thinking.
    Not sure if this is helpful or will work for you, but thought I’d share.

  439.  #444Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 7:54 am

    As you begin to positively focus, getting to feel so good about so many subjects that you often feel passion rise within you, you will begin to feel the power of the Universe—the power that creates worlds—flowing through you.

    You are the only one who creates in your experience—no one else. Everything that comes to you comes by the power of your thought.

    When you focus long enough that you feel passion, you harness more power and you achieve greater results. The other thoughts, while they are important and have creative potential, usually are only maintaining what you have already created. And so, many people continue to maintain unwanted physical experiences simply by offering consistent—not powerful, and not accompanied by strong emotion—thoughts. In other words, they merely continue telling the same stories about things that seem unfair, or unwanted things that they disagree with, and in doing so, they maintain unwanted conditions.

  440.  #445Mel on July 27, 2011 at 8:01 am

    Hi DE

    I guess the frustrating thing is that I think I have answered these questions, but it’s the figuring out how to get there that has me stuck.

    For example, ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a teacher. I have ALWAYS loved to travel. I like photography and painting. I love design.

    So I’m trying to find work that will fulfill all of these things. A teaching job in a new country or in a new province in my own country. Somewhere beautiful where I can be inspired in my photographs and paintings, someplace new to travel and explore.

    And I figure I can go ANYWHERE because I have nothing tying me down. That feels exciting and makes me feel all lit-up inside.

    Where I get discouraged is that I have so far not had any response. And I feel like I am running out of time. If I stay where I am (in a just okay job- NOT teaching) I will have to find a place to live because our lease expires at the end of August. And this choice doesn’t really make my “heart sing.”

  441.  #446Mel on July 27, 2011 at 8:05 am

    443, 444

    So the key is just to imagine all that I want, all that “could be” (without necessarily putting boundaries on what it should look like) and just having a sort of “faith” that it will happen in the way that’s best for me? Taking it one day at a time?

    Do I have this right?

  442.  #447Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 8:15 am

    RE 446 It is enough to experiment with to see if you can build up enough passion inside you to keep feeling good and trusting the Universe. Things always seem to work and this will be the fuel to create the best outcome.

  443.  #448DE on July 27, 2011 at 8:17 am


    Thank you for answering…:) I love that you are indeed following your heart in your decision(s).

    I posted a while back a quote by KWT…that said something about…until we can imagine living the life we want…we won’t be able to create it…

    So, this being said…do u imagine leaving u dream life? how does it feel in your body????

    While I understand the datelines and stress happening right now in your life…I would do this exercise…when the anxiety/worry thoughts come up…
    I would just STOP the thought(s)…
    i would go outside in the garden or a quiet place…
    i let me my mind go to where i want to be…
    i connect with these feelings of already BEING what I want to be…

    It would clear the energy within u…

    u have to BELIEVE with your entire BEING that u will get the right call/offer …

    I would also STOP talking about it for a day or so….and just practice the tools of BEING…AND BELIEVING…

    Does it make sense?

    Warm hugs,

  444.  #449roxy on July 27, 2011 at 8:18 am

    Definitely have experienced a good feeling with positive things coming my way. Things then fall into place.

  445.  #450Emerson on July 27, 2011 at 8:20 am

    446 @ mel
    I like how you worded this and summed it up! Yes! I feel inspired by the way you put it….about not placing boundaries.

    Yes one day at a time, or even one hour, moment at a time sometimes!

    I’ve had things come through at the last minute when I was not sure at all how things would work out. Last year that happened to me more than once. I put the wheels in motion and the feelers out there regarding my needs/wants for housing, and things fell into place literally a week before I was supposed to move.

    And FW 444 I feel inspired by your words…

    I need to revisit this concept and not just maintain what I have…

  446.  #451roxy on July 27, 2011 at 8:21 am

    I agree. Let stop when negative things come to our minds and break away from it.
    Its a new begining when we think positive and show others especially the one we love that we love ourselfs before we love them.
    Loving ourselfs is finding what you want and desire . Am I correct? Or am i missing something else

  447.  #452Mel on July 27, 2011 at 8:26 am

    FW, DE

    That makes sense! As with anything else, pushing the negative thoughts away and focusing on what I want.

    “u have to BELIEVE with your entire BEING that u will get the right call/offer …”

    I like this. When I’m having a “moment” I can say to myself:

    No! You deserve to have all that you want. You CAN live your dream! NOTHING is holding you back! Things will fall into place as they should be!

    Thanks FW for the “painting” tool. I’ll give it a try. Sometimes I might picture a man… sometimes I might picture my new life. 🙂

  448.  #453roxy on July 27, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Painting tool is definitely the way to go. Please share more of your knowledge based on your experiences and what has worked for you.

  449.  #454Camille on July 27, 2011 at 8:41 am

    OK Sirens, speaking of tools I keep hearing “the dance position” mentioned. It is not in any of my programs or the book. Can someone help me with the dance position please. It sounds very useful.

  450.  #455Mel on July 27, 2011 at 8:46 am

    Listening to the Dixie Chicks “Taking the long way around.” Love it!

    That’s all I’m doing hey?!

  451.  #456DE on July 27, 2011 at 8:49 am

    Mel and Roxy:

    No…we don’t want to push away the “negative voices/thoughts…” because they carry energy…we have to release the negative energy FIRST associated by these thoughts (these are often in our subconcious)…and only after we Allow the good feelings/thoughts to take over…

    That is why we use the STOP tool to stop the negative voices…and then…
    Feel the feelings associated with these voices first…connecting with mother earth is a wonderful release of energy…walking bare foot on the grass or soil…it’s the best way to do that…

    Once this negative energy is released from our body, we are then ready to allow the good energy and feelings to fill us up, move through our body…and with them manifesting what we Want…

    Hope it makes sense…got to go now…looking fwd to read u answers later 🙂

    Warm hugs,

  452.  #457roxy on July 27, 2011 at 8:55 am

    Isnt pushing away your negative thoughts of releasing them. I am bit confused . So we can have those negative thoughts and stop and think about something positive when they reach our mind. Can you provide me an example?

  453.  #458Daria on July 27, 2011 at 8:55 am

    reading about the french court around the times of Columbus (columbus wasn’t there.. just gives me a interesting view of placement in time )

    caterina de medicis married to the king, who was in love wiht Diane de Poitiers, who basically ruled… she was 20 years his senior and he remained deeply in love with her for more than 20 years till his death… and then she Still was the lover of his son (and was the lover of his father too!)

    the parties people used to throw, and the falling in love with one or the other… reminds me of reality shows and tele novelas

    feels captivating

  454.  #459roxy on July 27, 2011 at 8:57 am

    Question what do you do when the guy you love does contact you… respond???. I guess I am still confused on that .

  455.  #460Daria on July 27, 2011 at 8:58 am

    made awesome feeling connections with men from POF through skype last night

    even cried and felt touched deeply talking about things dear and painful to my heart… like prisons and unfairness 🙁

    felt so good to be seen and loved

    and feel attracted to a man that i didn’t think i would

    and theres lots more attractive ones !

    i do believe my lens of attractive men is so much wider

    i remember whn i wouldnt even allow myself to like a man unless he was in some way approved of by my brothers

    those were some years of not letting men in!

  456.  #461roxy on July 27, 2011 at 8:59 am

    Or as my friends would say make him work for it and dont respond until I see move of his actions .. going beyond and going to the extreme to do whatever it takes to find out about me
    What do you think or anyone please feedback

  457.  #462DE on July 27, 2011 at 9:00 am


    “pushing away”…translates to me as “ignoring”…”minimizing them…”, u can Stop them by feeling them first…which in turn releases them from your body…

    Warm hugs,

  458.  #463Daria on July 27, 2011 at 9:00 am

    I still easily remembr NYguy’s smile… and feel sadness

    well first feel lit up inside and joy and then a sadness i feel moved

    if i could wave a magic wand and make him ‘into’ me…

    i probably wouldnt like him or think about him much


    i do appreciate that smile and joy feeling… i want that in my relationship

  459.  #464Amanda on July 27, 2011 at 9:01 am

    Hi Rori,
    I have happy news! I’m getting married to the most wonderful man I’ve ever known this Saturday and I know that I have you to thank for it. I found your teachings at about the same time that I met Jeff (about a year ago) and from Day 1 I’ve used everything you taught me. Because I’ve had your teachings to guide me, never once have I had to swallow my feelings, pout, yell, or resort to any demeaning behavior to share my feelings. Jeff has never felt a lack of respect from me and what a difference this has made. Your teachings have served me very well and we’re sooooo happy, so in love! He’s crazy about me and he treats me like a princess, like a treasure. Jeff just told me yesterday that he is so happy that we’re able to talk about anything and he feels so loved, respected, and accepted for who he is. He said he wants to love me and protect me all my life. When he proposed, he told me that he had given up on ever finding a woman like me and didn’t know they existed at all. He’s crazy about me, Rori and he shows it! He’s so romantic and affectionate, so loving. He treats me like a treasure. I didn’t know I could be this happy! Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Amanda

  460.  #465Daria on July 27, 2011 at 9:02 am

    ive also done some work to set up a website for my first business – even though i don’t want to focus on it

    *hello black pigeon on my balcony*

    it would feel so great to have a beautiful website for my Magic Goddess Medicine Woman Spiritual and Romance Coaching page

    roses and mauve

  461.  #466Daria on July 27, 2011 at 9:08 am

    English woman – your speech was totally on the right track…

    please look at my suggestions as *tweaks

    about the heart body – how about… i feel so passionate to think of making love and i feel scared i will feel heartbroken and suffer when we part…

    *no need to tell him to make the plans

    but if u really want u can use a feeling message…

    maybe along the lines of :

    ‘i don’t want to plan… i feel open to however you want to handle it’ (or whatever ur manly mind designs for us LOL)

  462.  #467Daria on July 27, 2011 at 9:09 am

    but really if it was me, id practice dropping the mentions of plans (cuz i get anxious and try to stress and plan anyway)

    and just let him handle the whole thing (whew! an exercise really )

  463.  #468Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 9:10 am

    Roxy it depends on the context. How long have you been with him? How do you know you love him? What are his actions that lets you know he loves you?

  464.  #469roxy on July 27, 2011 at 9:11 am

    I guess that is what I met about the negative thoughts. It was a word choice.
    Definitely ignoring the negative thoughts is good.

  465.  #470Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 9:13 am

    Aaawww Amanda that feels awesome to read.

  466.  #471Plum on July 27, 2011 at 9:15 am


    ****“I feel so happy and excited to see you again, my heart is racing too, and this is where my nervousness comes in, not just the butterflies in my tummy thinking about seeing you again, but I feel my heart is connected to my body………..and that is scary…..but I don’t feel any pressure whatsoever.
    I will leave the details to you, have a great day.”***

    It sounds like explanations…. it sounds like justification or I don’t know like a little girl who used the wrong words and want to justify herself.

    You shared what you wanted to share and it is fine. It is done, and it got you a good answer, so drop it and go forward.
    No apologizing for the previous message, go forward, catch him where he is at.
    You’ll do better in each message.
    I don’t think there is an end to progressing, unless you keep looking backward and wanting to repaint what has already been sent.

    I don’t know, something like “I feel thrilled we share the same nervous happiness to meet again.”

    Now the problem here is that on your side the “nervousness” is not only happiness, it is expectation that already spoils your happiness.
    I understand (don’t we all, we’ve been there) but I still don’t think you should share with him that you don’t trust yourself.
    It is up to you to decide if you will have sex with him every day, or once or twice or never. Besides it is assuming he will want sex with you, a bit presumptuous. It really is only a projection of your own desire.

    See, what you need to know is what YOU want to do. But you need to trust yourself, you can’t make him own your doubts and ask him to make you feel safe about your own desire.
    You also need to decide if you can bare the heart break when he leaves again. Sex won’t really matter, you are obsessed with the man, so even if you say “no” to sex, you might feel sad when he leaves.
    But YOU must own the possibility to feel sad, you can’t throw it to his face before it even happens. What can he do apart from canceling the visit to make sure he does not hurt you?

    The sentence *** but I feel my heart is connected to my body……*** means (to me)
    “You are warned, I don’t trust myself, I don’t want to have sex with a man who won’t keep me, yet I don’t know how to say “no”. I am so scared and nervous about what I might tolerate or even what I might ask for. I am not in control of my life and you will be responsible for my heart ache.”
    He reads “doormat” and if he is a bad boy he will have sex and leave.
    If he is a good boy he will think it is better to let this woman sort herself out and not meet her. (your friend did say he can stay in the USA if you feel scared).

    Right now the emails are about visiting.
    Own your own inner conflict. No need to share the details with him.
    Your business is to stay in a situation where you can say “no” and keep safe.
    You can say “no” to the visit itself. There is strength in that.
    But if you say “yes”, you got to play along. Let him lead. Don’t put “conditions”.
    Simply say “no” when it is necessary.
    When you both are together, happy, enjoying each other and he makes a sexual move, the “heart and body in the same package” line is then relevant, meaning:
    “I am in charge of my life. I like you and want you but I won’t have sex without a committed relationship”
    He can take it well and respect you for that. You are not doubting yourself, you don’t feel scared, you are telling him clearly what you don’t want. There is strength in that.

    The context and timing gives words different meanings.

    *** but I don’t feel any pressure whatsoever.***
    Is that true? 😉
    In any case, if you wish to keep this line, I don’t like the word “whatsoever”, it sounds cold to me. Or may be it is one word too much that says, you are not telling the truth so you over do it? I am not sure what I feel but I don’t like this word here.

    ***I will leave the details to you, have a great day.***
    Sounds cold.
    OK, you did not tell him if he can stay at your home. He offered to you to stay at a hotel. He needs to know what your prefer. You told me you want him at your home
    May be something like
    “I feel thrilled we share the same nervous happiness to meet again.
    I feel opened to welcome you in my home. “

    I like the hotel option better.
    When they book a hotel room, it makes clear that you are your own woman and your house is not a hotel, or a boarding house or a “maison close” lol
    You know, what if you have a normal life and several dates? Do they all sleep at your place? What does it look like, seen from his point of view?
    Now if he thinks you can welcome him in your home because he is your only visitor, what does it say about you, being that he has not met you in 3 years?

    A hotel is a good starting point to start afresh from a healthy respectful place. No pressure indeed.
    Barb, a woman who allows a date to sleep at her place is “raping” him. She is sending his subconscious the green light for easy free emotionless sex, which wakes the bad boy in him.


  467.  #472Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 9:18 am

    Roxy in the I am All That Tool Rori says

    “Whatever doubts, fears and thoughts that come up inside your head about being a boundless, magnetic pool of gold that every man longs for – let that nasty voice, those negative images, that heavy perspective simply STEP ASIDE.

    Let themsimply step out of your picture for a moment (all you need is a moment), so this man who sees magnets, gold, boundless lushness and safety in you can GET to you.”

    Sinking in as I understand it is even just saying hi to the thought and breathing or imagining the stop sign to stop the thought.

  468.  #473Daria on July 27, 2011 at 9:18 am

    somebody asked me…

    the way ive been manifesting

    is imagining what id feel like if i already had what i want

    say i want lots of people to pick me up to go somewhere (i alwasy want this! so far mixed results cuz i doubt myself on it)

    let the doubts move aside, imagine if i already had it happening (not… oh it would feel so good – that too – but really id probably feel rushed getting ready, etc)

    those feelings… then choose a color that reminds me of that feeling

    then as a woman, i bring the color and flush it down from my brain down my body and Birth it out in a flood out my vagina

    adn then let it be

    when doubts come up, instead of getting ‘verbal’ with them, i just move my mind to the Color (hard to argue with color!)

  469.  #474Daria on July 27, 2011 at 9:19 am

    the stuff i want manifests when i forget all about it

  470.  #475Daria on July 27, 2011 at 9:23 am

    I disagree with Plum on a small part

    in that i would definitely assume any man wants to have sex with me… i would Practice assuming this, and practice assuming my eyes are magnets, my heart is a pool of gold he wants to dive into, my body is a lush place he feels awestruck thinking of just getting close to yet feels good inside

    i would practice assuming i am the air he needs to breathe

    and that my words are medicine for his soul

    that helps

    i want to practice this more when images of new york guy are showing up

    its helping

  471.  #476Emerson on July 27, 2011 at 9:24 am

    471 Plum,
    I learned so much from reading this post.

    ” a woman who allows a date to sleep at her place is “raping” him. She is sending his subconscious the green light for easy free emotionless sex, which wakes the bad boy in him. ”

    WOW!!! Super valuable information and boundaries reminders!!!

  472.  #477roxy on July 27, 2011 at 9:24 am

    Heres my situation …. I met this guy two years ago. The first year it went really well. Many conversations, dating, things that a couple would do. Many actions and words that showed how much he cared for me that lead me to think that he loved me.
    But then after the year he said he was confused and needed time to think things through about what he wanted and was not ready for any type of commitment. I did not talk to him for about 6 months and then we began to talk again .” as friends ” I was aware of this and did nt think about anything further. Conversations have been occurring since then and I have seen him a few times. He initiated the invite to his house to hang out and then it went a step further. But throughout all of this he said that at this point he does not know what he wants and will definitely let me know as soon as he finds out. During the time I was not with him it was my understanding that he was seeing someone else and this may be his confusion but he did not tell me.

    When he is with me his actions show that he loves me and enjoys my company.

    What do you think?

  473.  #478Femininewoman on July 27, 2011 at 9:25 am

    RE 471 What if she was sleeping at his place?

    Your perspective is always so clear.

  474.  #479Amanda on July 27, 2011 at 9:29 am

    Re 470 Thanks, Femininewoman! 😀