Does Alcohol Make You Overfunction?

Untitled design (14)

why is he ignoring meHere’s a situation from Bethany:

Thank you, Rori, This is really long, but I think the last part is the best…mini breakthrough!

Well, alcohol does not a night of good feeling messages make. Last night Christopher took me to this event on campus, and there was an open bar and then went downtown for one beer. There was a girl there who knows Christopher’s uncle, and he played a message for her that his uncle had left him on his cell phone: they had their heads close together listening to this message and I just felt panicky and jealous.

But I stood there with the feeling which felt like a rush of adrenaline in my stomach. Then we all hung out together until I said I felt tired and Christopher jumped up to take me back to my place, where we ended up naked on my bed.

He asked me if I would give him a blow job and I said no, I don’t know you well enough yet. He was fine with that. Then I said something about how I’m not comfortable with “f*ck buddies” and that I don’t have sex with my friends…he was confused and said he thought that we were more than friends and I said yes but I can only introduce you as my friend Christopher…

He then said a few interesting things that I don’t remember in order:

1) he asked if he annoys me when he calls (I said no) and that he feels like he does all the work

2) I asked him if he wanted me to call him more and he said no I don’t want you to do more of anything (okay, good, right?)

3) when we get so close to having sex and then stopping, he said he feels needy and that’s when he needs to hear that I like him

4) he asked how long I usually date someone before I “say I’m dating them” and I said usually not very long but that I want him to be different and he said that he wants me to be different too…meaning we’re going to keep waiting

5) he also said he doesn’t know what he wants and I said I don’t know what I want either, but I did say that I wanted us to have open hearts, and I asked him, “what if it’s all okay and that everything we’re doing is just fine?”

I don’t know if this was me trying to make the situation okay or maybe I was “riffing” out loud, in his presence? He responded well to that…I also DID tell him he was rowing the boat (I used those exact words) and then he said he didn’t want to be the one doing all the work.

Oh, and he says he feel insecure about losing me…but I don’t know what that means!! AND he asked me to go to Ireland with him: this is the second time he’s asked me, so I’m pretty sure he’s serious.

So alcohol puts me back into OVERFUNCTIONING LIKE CRAZY mode, I get that now.

I know I can’t do anything to make this relationship what I want. That feels incredibly frustrating to me. I feel like crying. I have no control! And what is this guy going to do? I have no idea. I feel helpless and scared. I know he likes me and he still has every right to still be making up his mind, but I feel impatient and haughty, like you idiot, don’t you know what an awesome girl I am?!

What I WANT is for him to step up like a man and be open with me, shower me with love and attention and to not feel so damn insecure. Yes, I WANT to be with a man that feels secure…but it also feels so damn good to be around him because he’s so interesting and smart and talented and creative.

But that’s okay. It’s okay to want to be with a man who has all these qualities: I just usually find myself getting bored in relationships and maybe I feel limited because I feel like I can’t have all that I want in a man…someone I’m intensely attracted to who also is smart, funny, creative, talented and worships me. I WANT that! I WANT THAT SOOOO MUCH! It would feel incredible, to be deeply loved by a man who excites me and doesn’t bore the hell out of me. Maybe I feel like deep down I’m boring?

I fear that I am, that people will think that about me, so maybe by picking boring guys I GET TO BE THE EXCITING ONE!! HOLY SHIT!! And maybe that’s what scares me about Christopher…if he’s the “excting” one, then that means that (in my mind) I truly will be boring and not good enough. So that’s why sometimes I feel uneasy and even jealous of him when we’re out and everyone knows who he is…And, that’s where my fear of his rejection comes in: if an “exciting” guy rejects me, it would confirm all the negative beliefs I have about myself deep down.

I’m getting all this from a part I remember in the Toxic Men program…but, I WANT to believe that I am all these things that I value so much in Christopher. If I believed that I was freespirited and exciting, then that would feel like POWER and maybe I am holding myself back like you said Rori. My fear of rejection and fear of being boring leads me to usually pick men with whom I can feel like the exciting one. So a guy I’m truly attracted to scares the hell out of me and triggers the shit out of my fear responses.

Okay, well, so how do I turn this around? Well, I WANT WANT WANT to feel like I sparkle, that I’m exciting and not boring. That would feel like…sparkles, actually, like my insides are glittering and shimmering, and I even hear the sparkles giving off little musical tinkling sounds when they brush against each other. I feel my stomach quivering. I feel my throat swelling…I love my fear, it’s just trying to protect me, it just wants me to be safe because it loves me so much.

That’s kind of cute. I’m cute, I’m adorable, and I want to feel like I’m exciting and I want a man who excites me but also makes me feel safe.

Any tweaks?

From Me:

Bethany – This is fantastic – no tweaks at all…just keep riffing until you feel good, and build on the good feeling….
allow the shaking and quivering – this is old trauma being released, stuck energy…really good for you, like crying, but even more so…and

NO more alcohol – you need ALL your energy to work through this.

Alcohol breaks down your defenses artificially, so you can’t feel your body’s true reactions and feelings and you can’t release the stuck energy…you GO girl!

It’s going to take me awhile to post all our correspondence and then get to this one on the blog in turn, so I’ll keep answering you this way and then posting it.

You are doing GREAT!

Just remember – I really meant that – I mean – look at yourself in the mirror!!!

Objectively, aren’t you hot? Yes, you are!

This guy is a baby. He’s a newbie.

You’re going to be courted by men with huge money, with security, who KNOW how to be with a woman and are READY for it. Just keep that in mind as you work through your stuff with Craig…(“I’m practicing that so I don’t make a mistake later”) –

just keep it in mind so you know that HE’S WAY more insecure than you are. You have all the power.

He’s agreeing with you about sex because he likes you – perhaps loves you, even, but it confuses him.

To a man – sex is practically his only language – whatever he’s feeling.

Just keep doing the work and remembering YOU have the POWER.

Love, Rori

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1 Comments

  1.  #1GingerSky on April 5, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Awesome… totally freeing, right on… both you, Rori & this woman! Im getying thru so much just reading this, tingling in my middle & feeling shoulders freee up! Like crying inside w bubbles of laughing at same time.



  2.  #2GingerSky on April 5, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    I guess Im on top of the blogworld? Lol!



  3.  #3Starla on April 5, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    aw i can so relate to those things he says to her, that insecure stuff. i’ve heard that from so many guys. i don’t get it…. i gush over how much i enjoy hearing them.

    i think it’s a pretty big sign of my own insecurity. they are probably sensing it and returning it, maybe even at a less than conscious level.

    it would feel so good to feel truly secure. all the time i worry about not being enough, and I’ve gotten a lot ‘better’ with it, but the truth is, i tend to worry i’m not enough on a daily basis.



  4.  #4Starla on April 5, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    *gush over how much i enjoy hearing from them (and being with them and around them)



  5.  #5Coco Kisses on April 5, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    Yes top 10…LOL



  6.  #6GingerSky on April 5, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Pretty much every single thing that’s been described in the last 3 threads as something you shouldn’t do to/with a guy are things I’ve done tons of w NSM. Tons. For the better part of nearly 2+ years, though in decreasing increments (thankfully!) since I got on this site, probably shortly after Brenda did 2 years ago… poor NSM. I blew his gaskets. No wonder he’s responded like he has. No wonder he thinks I’m kinda psycho-ish & he gets triggered as I’ve jumped back & forth between judgment/blame, leaning back, & so on. He’ll say, “I don’t know who you are right now!” I get it.



  7.  #7GingerSky on April 5, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    #5 Coco Kisses, top 10 what?



  8.  #8Coco Kisses on April 5, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    Anyways to respond to the post…I am not a drinker at all, so I do not know what it feels like to become vulnerable under he influence of alchol or drugs……If this is anyones case he nby all means do NOT drink.

    I daed this very toxic man a while ago, who could not get affectionate or open up unless he was SUPER drunk, I always felt SUPER turned off, but because I was horrible at setting boundries and saying how I felt I said nothing to him about it, and for a while accepted this behavior…if a man can’t be affectionate unless they have a drink or drugs, run..and go get some mental health counsleing for yourself.

    Now as fas as I am concerned…..I am feeling sooo bad, sad. I haven’ heard from my husband since he told me he felt it best we get a divorce. There is so much tighness and pressure in my throat. I’m trying to associate it wih a feeling, but I can’t. Yesterday on the way to work I screamed while driving….I know other drivers probably thought I was singing or something…I feel like yelling, I’m feeling sad, and in a state of disbelief…..I feel scared at the prospect of starting over. I feel confused about what type of man I want if not my husband. I feel confused about the dating process…..I feel at fault for my husband becoming unattracted to me……I’ve been feeling like this for a few days.



  9.  #9Coco Kisses on April 5, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    #7 @ Ginger Sky…..I was just amazed that I was amoung the top 10 Sirens to post a comment…I was just being silly 🙂



  10.  #10siren song on April 5, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    Oh wow, this was me, especially when i was younger!!! It feels nice to know i wasn’t some insecure weirdo.



  11.  #11Starla on April 5, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    hey, CF did dump me.

    he said some things that aren’t true… like i just want him to lead everything. i was getting ready to discuss what he was looking for, but i guess he missed that part. but he says he can’t do it.

    i don’t know. it’s just weird.



  12.  #12Starla on April 5, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    and he said he keeps trying to fix things and screwing it up and he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore.

    sigh

    i just wanted to be with him.

    saddest breakup ever.



  13.  #13Starla on April 5, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    what a lame misunderstanding.



  14.  #14Sun Goddess on April 5, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    ((((((Starla)))))))



  15.  #15Starla on April 5, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    he said it’s that i know what i want, and he knows he’s not that guy.

    ummmmm

    but i want you?

    and to be able to love each other even if we’re fighting?

    ok ok i guess he can’t do it then=/

    weird.

    everything felt amazing until very recently and then boom



  16.  #16siren song on April 5, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    Oh starla, that sucks. (Starla)



  17.  #17Lush_Oasis on April 5, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    {{{STARLA}}} OMG .. I was just reading an email that reminded me of you and wanted to paste it here; but then I saw your message about CF 🙁

    Anyway, here’s the tidbit for anyone that hasn’t already received the same email message, and maybe it will help whomever is lurking in the corners and watching the dance floor 🙂
    *****
    “If you’ve “messed” up with a man – gotten mad
    and verbally attacked him for something that
    turned out to be nothing, or suddenly got insecure
    and jealous and practically chased him out the
    door – it can be a really scary thing afterwards.

    If you’re freaking out now, and can’t stop
    thinking about what happened and whether or not
    you can get him back…Christian Carter’s got some
    reassuring words.

    He says that as you start to recognize things
    about you and your relationship that you didn’t
    see before, and you start noticing and looking
    back at the mistakes you may have been making with
    a man all along – it’s very easy to start thinking
    that things are EVEN WORSE than you thought they
    were, and for this to freak you out more.

    But this doesn’t need to stop you from
    continuing to learn about men and grow your
    relationship skills – and it doesn’t have to stop
    your relationship from blossoming!

    There’s a funny thing that happens to us in
    life: It’s that any time you develop a new
    awareness and you start seeing your behavior in a
    new light, you first feel like kicking yourself.

    But getting down on yourself, feeling overly
    frustrated and hopeless, and letting the lack of
    CONTROL you have in your situation doesn’t help.

    What does help is learning from your mistakes
    and realizing a few important things about men.
    Most important for you to know is:

    A MAN’S FEELINGS CAN CHANGE VERY QUICKLY

    If the man you were dating pulled away after
    you said or did something, you need to remember
    that this man liked you and was attracted to you
    in the first place!

    And as much as it might seem like his feelings
    have changed forever towards you, there’s
    something you should realize: A man’s feelings can
    change very quickly, whether you want them to or
    not.

    Now, most women don’t handle this reality about
    men, dating, and relationships very well at all.

    In fact, lots of women let this completely
    freak them out and take over their emotions and
    how they act and talk with a man.

    The fact that a man’s feelings can change so
    quickly has TWO SIDES to it – and you can use this
    to your advantage.But here’s the thing…

    If a man’s feelings can quickly change from
    feeling interested and attracted to you, to
    feeling like he wants to get away from you…then
    it’s also true that he can quickly change from
    feeling UNATTRACTED and uninterested in you to
    feeling intensely ATTRACTED and wanting to spend
    time (maybe even forever) with you again.

    It’s actually amazing, but a man’s feelings and
    his reactions and responses to a woman can change
    quickly in EITHER DIRECTION – from good to bad, or
    from bad to good.

    MAKING HIS EMOTIONAL PROCESS WORK FOR YOU

    And it’s not just that this sort of sounds like
    it “makes sense.”

    Christian says that he knows this all firsthand
    (just because he’s a man) – but mostly because
    he’s spent so many years observing, studying and
    coaching women around men, love, and
    relationships.

    He’s helped so many women (thousands, likely)
    create instant shifts in their lives and
    relationships – even with men they thought they’d
    lost for good.

    Most important here – you can choose to let the
    fact that a man’s feeling can change so easily
    scare you and make you feel anxious and insecure,
    (which will only make things worse for you)..

    Or, you can make that “quick, easy change” a
    man is capable of WORK to your advantage! This way –
    you can have a man go from NOT FEELING IT for you
    to feeling that gut-level attraction for you in a
    few short moments and interactions.

    GETTING COMMUNICATION BACK ON TRACK

    If you want a man to really listen to you, and
    to want to start fresh with you – to actually,
    completely FORGET about whatever happened or even
    to see it in a completely NEW WAY – then starting
    a conversation with him on a fun, positive note is
    the way to go. It sounds like common sense – but
    you’d be surprised how this doesn’t happen.

    So often – we follow up a bad moment with
    ANOTHER bad moment – like it just keeps rolling us
    along – instead of taking a breath, and starting
    all over from a really GOOD, NEW place.

    Christian says, “To get yourself in the right
    frame of mind, think about what you appreciate in
    this guy. There has to be something you appreciate
    about him if you’re thinking about having a future
    with him. Then, let him know it. It’s called an
    “ego stroke”, and it works.

    When a guy sees that you appreciate him, it
    puts him in a receptive state and puts everything
    into a more positive context.

    The idea is to create the right mood for the
    conversation so a guy feels comfortable and wants
    to open up. Because you know what happens when you
    start a conversation talking about negative stuff,
    problems, and issues: he shuts down.

    And even if things are tense between the two
    of you, starting a conversation on a positive note
    will open the door for re-connection.:

    And, no matter what’s happened between you –
    all you want to do is create that opportunity to
    re-connect.

    It’s sort of funny to imagine how quickly a bad
    experience in a relationship can just fade from a
    man’s memory. How he can look back and see it as
    “sexy,” or interesting – no matter how bad YOU
    remember it.

    To get great insight from Christian Carter
    (he’s the only man out there delivering really
    valuable information to women, and for FREE) – so
    just go here to get his free newsletters and read
    more that will help you quickly:

    http://www.LoveRomanceRelationship.com/go/ChristianCarter



  18.  #18Coco Kisses on April 5, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    @ Lush Oasis…TY this was great article

    @ Sarla ((((( HUGS)))))) this sucks 🙁



  19.  #19ulii on April 5, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    (((((Starla))))))



  20.  #20FlowerChild77 on April 5, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    (((((((Starla))))))) I’m so sorry 🙁

    This just means the Universe has something better for you! <3



  21.  #21FlowerChild77 on April 5, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    P.S. I think being free and available for a better match is preferable to feeling like you’re in ‘limbo’ all the time.



  22.  #22Daria on April 5, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    Starla – don’t worry he’ll be back! this is good! he’s queestioning his abilities to steop up…

    the next step is marriage… so maybe he’s Not? ready?

    or maybe he will suddenly decide he is when you fade away like a midsummer night’s dream

    either way, you win …

    so lets CD and the wonderful man to be your husband will show up

    and I love you



  23.  #23GingerSky on April 5, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    #15 ((((((Starla))))))



  24.  #24Butterfly Wings on April 5, 2012 at 7:32 pm

    1024 (prev thread) Francesca – The name of the book I am reading is “Personality Plus – How to understand others by understanding yourself” by Florence Littauer.

    I’ve not finished it but so far it’s really interesting and has helped me a whole lot to understand why TH acts the way he does sometimes. Very insightful! 🙂



  25.  #25Jessie1000 on April 5, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Starla!
    Oh I agree with daria
    Its a good sign when they think they arent able…doesnt mean they dont want to step up….big difference!
    I had a CF when I first moved here who was so nice then started acting wierd then dumped me and made me cry, gave me the finger as he was driving by lol and walked past me at macdonalds and i said HI! and he pretended he didnt hear me…lol
    He was horrible and I swear,I didnt do ANYTHING at all to him
    So I went on POF and met my Beau and all was good and like a month later he was soooo back! My roommates who know him said they couldnt understand his first behaviours…like he hated me
    and couldnt understand why he came back….and with a vengeance!
    Now he tells me he loves me and wants me, knows that I have a man and begs me all the time just for a coffee with him….he is so sweet
    so before I might have felt terrible
    but dating right away worked, changed my attention out and away from him …I had fun and right away i met my Beau and immediately was in huge SMIT
    (is that a word)
    SOOO
    dont feel down, he sounds like a sweety and ur not crazy to care for him so much



  26.  #26GingerSky on April 5, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    #8 Coco Kisses I dont drink either, but I sure get intoxicated & act weird when Im in a story of feeling threatened, undervalued, not special enough, scared, or lonely etc. I get all cranked up & triggered & feeling justified, ten feet tall & bulletproof. Ak. Used to attend a CoDA type group years ago calked “Women & Emotional Sobriety” It was good.



  27.  #27GingerSky on April 5, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    #24 Butterfly Wings I *love* Florence Littauer!



  28.  #28GingerSky on April 5, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    #17 Lush Oasis Yup. I’ve read & reread & practically memorized part if this CCarter letter.



  29.  #29GingerSky on April 5, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    #17 All this is *totally* true too. Christian Carter is right, & this advice has paid off for me consistently too.



  30.  #30blue rose on April 5, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    #12 Starla

    i gasped out loud when i read that. I’m so sorry.

    i agree with Daria and the other sirens, he will be back.



  31.  #31Butterfly Wings on April 5, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    (((Starla))) – I’m so sorry about CF. If things are meant to turn around they will. Otherwise this is a message from the Universe that something better is coming.
    xxxxx



  32.  #32Starla on April 5, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    thank you ladies:)

    did you know i am just fine?

    maybe tomorrow it’ll “hit me” but when i read the letter to my best friend, i was just cracking up, i don’t know what’s so funny… there’s nothing funny about this since i love the guy….

    and my friend is like “i don’t know what’s so funny. this is a basket case letter.”

    lolololol love her.

    it was like “i don’t think i’ll answer tonight, but if you wanna call tomorrow, i’ll be ready to talk”

    ummmm? yeah i won’t be doing that:P

    and actually it feels like an ultimatum disguised as a breakup

    but i’m not psychic, so….

    la la la



  33.  #33Butterfly Wings on April 5, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    27 GingerSky – It’s the first of her books I’ve ever read. A friend lent it to me. So far I’m loving it and I love how she uses real life examples of the people she knows and meets to describe their personality types.



  34.  #34blue rose on April 5, 2012 at 7:51 pm

    the guy i’m crazy about is texting me a little now. i decided to reply to each text instead of my default mode with him: i usually hold off on replying to a few texts.

    well, this sucks. it feels right in one sense, to reply when i read the text and i have a funny thought. but i worry it takes away the challenge/anticipation for him when i’m replying so quickly.

    also i hate that i’m the last one to reply, and now i’m just waiting for him. i feel i have no power. but i don’t want to hold off on replying so that i feel like i have a false sense of power. that feeling of power is not real.

    so confused. do i reply right away or do i artificially hold off for a while?



  35.  #35Butterfly Wings on April 5, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    So he’s not actually said “It’s over” Starla? xxx



  36.  #36Starla on April 5, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    Daria, thanks for your comment to me:) i really do feel the love



  37.  #37Starla on April 5, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    BW, he did. He said “I don’t wanna keep dragging you through the dirt, though; I still care about you. That’s why I’ve gotta… regretfully withdraw my intent to court you. I’m so sorry.”

    it was a loooooooong letter.

    the use of elipsis is his own — i didn’t edit anything out.



  38.  #38Turquoise on April 5, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    I’m sorry Starla…. but I agree with Daria, he will be back.

    I know this hurts, but it does make me question if by doing it all this way, by insisting they lead, that we don’t lean forward…. are we being too controlling? I like that saying that we teach people how to treat us, but I know with C, things have to be his idea. Maybe CF needs to feel that he’s making choices and decisions, and not doing what he’s told and how’s he’s told. Maybe we make them wrong.



  39.  #39light heart on April 5, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    34 blue rose

    What feels good to me is to stop worrying and analyzing it to this degree (being totally in your head) and instead, take a breath and check in with how you feel after each text, and then act or don’t act based on that. This will give you both more fun and spontaneity!

    🙂
    light heart



  40.  #40Starla on April 5, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    turquoise/ladies, please don’t let CF be a testament to the failure of leaning back. The problem was he never even SAID he wanted it to be different or to be more ‘equal’ until a couple of weeks ago when i confronted him about it, because he has serious issues speaking up for himself.

    i don’t feel mad at him.

    i can’t stop laughing. i feel amused by all this. what is wrong with me? Very bizarre reaction for me.



  41.  #41Starla on April 5, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    like, he never told me he wanted to make it more of a partnership… he never said what his ideal relationship would look like, and that he wanted the real deal with me here and now. he basically led by making plans and calling and that was it.

    he never said he wanted more in the short term and never even tested the waters. it was always me initiating those talks.

    so he probably just has a hard time speaking up for himself.

    and while i could have gone about things differently, as my hindsight tells me in 20/20, i don’t think it’s a reflection of men in general.



  42.  #42Starla on April 5, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    so ladies, i’m gonna go get in the shower, but i am curious… do i email back ever? i mean… i’d just as soon say nothing. but i’ve never been very good at this getting dumped thing.



  43.  #43blue rose on April 5, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    #39: light heart

    🙂 thank you light heart. i totally overanalyze. it’s like i read his text, i have feelings and laugh, and think of something funny, then i talk myself out of saying it. Because i’m worrying about offending him, or not hearing from him again.



  44.  #44Brenda on April 5, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    GingerSky,

    RE: #1 – Excuse me, just want to remind you that posting as #1 on a blog is reserved for childish people like me, LOL! 😆



  45.  #45Turquoise on April 5, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Starla,

    When my sister was dying and I was out there to visit her one of the last times before she passed, I went through an episode where I just couldn’t stop laughing. There was nothing funny, it was terrible, I was so embarrassed by my behavior, and I have no idea what was wrong with me that I was reacting that way. Maybe it’s stress or strain, or an overload of emotions, I don’t know… but your body is letting those emotions out for a reason.

    Sending so many hugs to you!



  46.  #46Brenda on April 5, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    GingerSky,

    RE: #2 – Well, I guess this comment qualifies for childish, LOL! Congrats! Cheers!



  47.  #47Starla on April 5, 2012 at 8:17 pm

    well sh*t, turquoise. thanks for sharing your experience. i’ve never ever experienced this before.

    hopefully i don’t annoy you all too much tomorrow with spamming so i don’t lean forward when this all catches up to me emotionally;)



  48.  #48light heart on April 5, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    Yeah, I see what turquoise is saying, I too get the sense that we way over-explain things to men sometimes…. why we want this, why what he’s doing isn’t quite measuring up to what we want…. maybe they feel micro-managed overwhelmed. Maybe it makes them question how we see them, do we see them as capable or not? It feels much better these days with the CDs to let my feelings and actions show them, without so much explaining. First of all, it gets me out of my head, and they get to feel like they have a choice and it’s their idea, more like natural consequences, not pre-meditation.

    🙂
    light heart



  49.  #49Butterfly Wings on April 5, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    I think we can sometimes go too far with leaning back. I do believe we have to give a little (not as much as him) back sometimes.

    Problem is, it’s hard to know how much that is!?

    I very rarely call TH – probably twice in the last 6 months. But I do things around the house for him that I would do for myself anyway (like ironing and cooking dinner).

    He gives to me by buying me presents, paying for groceries, paying for all of the easter pressies for my kids, cooking for me sometimes, paying for half my gym membership, and the list goes on.

    I suppose if you think of the waterwheel he’s definitely giving me a whole lot more than I give him – and he loves doing it! 🙂

    He also initiates most contact.

    The more I lean back, the more he steps up too. But I suppose if I lean back too much, I’ll come across as indifferent (I think LiliBee experienced this too).

    It’s hard to know what’s the right balance huh?? :-\



  50.  #50Brenda on April 5, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    Turquoise and Starla,

    RE: #45 – Most definitely correct! This got to be a rip-roaring hee-haw in my family:

    When I was a child, my grandfather passed away.

    At his funeral, the undertaker escorted my great-grandfather down the aisle. In the high emotions of the moment, my Mom and grandmother joked that the undertaker would escort the one who was to be the next to go.

    Sure enough, my great-grandfather was the next to pass away. At HIS funeral, the undertaker escorted my grandmother down the aisle. As he took her arm, all of us started laughing uncontrollably, to the point where we felt we needed an explanation to the undertaker. He seemed to find no humor in it. 🙂

    Yep, you guessed it…my grandmother was the next to go. We all agreed that it really was innocent, not disrespect. it was an outlet for emotion.



  51.  #51light heart on April 5, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    43 blue rose
    I say, just have fun with it, don’t worry about what he thinks of you. that will come across. I sometimes remind myself, ‘what you think of me is none of my business’. this way, if I just remember to treat others as I would want to be treated, I really can’t go wrong.

    🙂
    light heart



  52.  #52blue rose on April 5, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    #51 light heart

    so helpful! i am now realizing that my holding back on texting was me trying to exert some control over the situation and almost manipulate it!

    “what he thinks of me is none of my business”. need to remind myself of this often.



  53.  #53Butterfly Wings on April 5, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    Starla, I’m wondering if bringing up the “relationship” was part of the problem?

    I know that once I stopped bringing it up with TH and stopped thinking about where we were headed and what I wanted, he suddenly stepped up and it was through no prompting of my own that he finally woke up to himself and realised how fabulous I was and offered me the relationship before he lost me.

    I suppose what Rori teaches is to just “be” and CD away until he’s offering you what you want. You don’t even have to bring it up – he is the one who will see that he stands to lose you and will do what he can to keep you there.

    I don’t know… what do you think?

    xxx



  54.  #54Turquoise on April 5, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    Memulo,

    From the last article, I wanted to share that seeing how upset we get when they don’t call us for a few days or cancel a date or ignore us for a weekend, try to imagine what that’s like multiplied by 1000. I don’t know why there are divorcing, whose decision it was… but no matter what, it feels awful. You feel like a failure. Everything hurts and you are angry, sad, frustrated and embarrassed. It’s like someone dying, yet knowing that even though that person is still here, they just don’t want to be with you anymore. Which in some ways, may feel worse. You think about who you were, what you meant to each other, question everything you ever did, or didn’t do, or should have done. They were probably together for years. It’s even more painful when you have a child because then that means other men and women will be brought into that child’s life, and you’ll have to share them, and that is scary and dreadful, and not an easy thing to accept, especially when they are still actually married. So, even though she may be pretty and able to meet someone new, it doesn’t erase the pain of what she’s feeling now, because I’m sure at some point, they loved each other. I would try to send them both some compassionate thoughts.



  55.  #55Brenda on April 5, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    {{{Starla}}},

    Re: #42 – Sad with you to hear about CF ending it. I also think he’ll be back. If it’s a simple misunderstanding, how bout responding to his letter with fms and just set things straight?



  56.  #56light heart on April 5, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    blue rose,
    yes, we want to be able to control how he reacts to everything we say and do, because relaxing into the unknown can be scary. but, even with the best intentions, we really can’t control it to manipulate it, because it may not produce the results we want. people always react/respond based on a lot of different things in the moment….how they are feeling about themselves, about things in general, their own goals, dreams, path…a whole host of things. So we might as well just stay in our own business, (like Byron Katie says) follow our own true north,
    and take care of ourselves with the goal of the best possible outcome for all concerned.



  57.  #57Lizka on April 5, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    Bye bye Day 17

    Everything went well even if I had these teasing NVs this afternoon. Luckily, they disapeared and didn’t comenback due to my super siren powers of not listening to them. Tadaaaam!

    I thought less of ModelCD today but he was still in my mind too often. Tomorrow I really got to work on that speech to set my boundary of no sex for now. I think this is why I was thinking of him. Hopefuly, when the speech will be prepared, I’ll be able to totally lean back mentally.

    So that was it for Day 17.

    Tomorrow, Day 18, another busy day to help not leaning back: yoga with my best friend, color my hair and date with SexyFrenchLawyer.

    Yay!

    By the way, I still haven’t heard from ATW since Monday when he came “spy” about my new job. Nothing. Pfff scr*w him. I feel mad and I think he’s better keep poofing for a while. I don’t care about not seeing him again this weekend. My weekend is already booked anyway. And I noticed I think less and less about him day after day. I’m not even sure if I have think of him today, except for now. Whatever. I feel blah and turned off.

    Good night sirens, I’ll talk to you on Day 18!!! xoxo



  58.  #58blue rose on April 5, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    56: light heart

    oh my gosh.

    when i’m with him in person i’m much better, it’s the lack of control i feel when i hit send. i hate it!!

    and i wish i had stayed in the moment instead of climbing into my head.

    he texted me and mentioned he took pictures on his trip. my gut reaction was to say “i want to see!”. i stayed in my head and never texted it, afraid i’d come across as needy or too eager, or manipulating him into asking me out. 🙁



  59.  #59Starla on April 5, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    Hmm I’m still just fine:)



  60.  #60Starla on April 5, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    jessie, if smit isn’t a word, it damn well should be



  61.  #61light heart on April 5, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    58. blue rose

    yes, I see what you are saying, and it’s a legitimate concern, like maybe it’s a little demanding. So, you can go with your initial reaction, but, choose your words…something like, “I’m sure I’d enjoy seeing them sometime”, just to acknowledge and be warm and open.

    🙂
    light heart



  62.  #62Starla on April 5, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    lol, the use of the ellipsis was such a dramatic touch
    lol

    oh brother

    ((((((((((((blog))))))))))))))))))
    i’m going to bed, goodnight sirens



  63.  #63Tiffany on April 5, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    Well, I’m not gonna lie. I feel a little bit disappointed that OM didn’t call me back tonight, like he said he would. But I can’t say that I feel terribly surprised, either. Seems to be just the way of it.

    Not like I was sitting around, waiting by the phone for him to call. Heck, no. In fact, I was running around all afternoon, just taking care of things I needed to do, and then I barely had time to eat a few bites before I headed off to my dance class. Now it’s ten p.m. and I feel super tired, because I’ve been up since 5-ish. Phew! I’d been hoping to see his missed call when I got out of class (but there’s the key word “hoping” – and the expectation that it would happen within a certain time frame that suited me). But I’m so tired now, I don’t think I even have the energy to care! lol

    It just reminds me of Rori’s grid of control speak vs. surrender speak. If the guy doesn’t call, what do you say? Nothing. Even if he said he would? Nothing. He is a guy. He is exercising his free will. Take that away from him, and you take away his sense of who he is. But you can’t just let it walk all over you. You don’t care, that’s what.

    He didn’t call me? He doesn’t exist. Simple as that. It’s information for me. It reminds me that he’s NOT right for me. It gives me space to notice that all my intuitions about him were correct. It’s not really a person that he’s looking for. He wants some kind of robot without feelings and emotions, but which somehow has a soft and human body. Well, sorry, my geeky nerdy guy, but ain’t happening. Maybe he thinks he can build her. I suppose that would be his perfect woman. But it’s not me…I’m already here.

    Anyway, who was I talking about. What was happening? I already forgot

    Oh yeah, I also felt my energy was “off” today. I was feeling really snappy at my mom, because she was bugging the heck out of me, for some reason. And then when I texted her in the evening, she shot back that she was tired and in bed and could we talk about it another time. Oh, great. So it’s fine to disturb my peace of mind with your business in the morning, but when I have something to say at night, you’re too tired. Great. That’s great, Mom. THANKS.

    But then I looked up in the sky and realized there is a big, fat, almost-full moon. And suddenly I had an explanation for my inexplicable crankiness. I had been in such a good mood this morning! What happened?? lol But that must have been it. Moon in full force, and Mercury in retrograde – double whammy!

    In fact, I am blaming Mercury for all the communication snafus with OM, and possibly others. Luckily, it will be out of retrograde tomorrow – and then comes the adjustment period. *sigh* Maybe things will get on a better track after that.

    But actually, other than a few key frustrating incidents, I have made some great steps in my communicating this last month, or at least I’ve surprised myself in a number of ways. I figure, Mercury retrograde isn’t all THAT bad. It’s gotta have some good effects, too, even if it does include cleaning out the “junk.” So to speak. Or let’s hope so.

    Anyway, I’m going to eat a few more bites and go to sleep.

    Snooze well, sirens!



  64.  #64Tiffany on April 5, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    p.s. oh yeah, my NVs were all getting nasty in my head, like “what did you say that made you sound so controlling?” Of course he’s not going to call you back, because you’re not good enough and yadda yadda. Blah!

    I suppose I *could* have just told him that last night was better for me than tonight. I knew I was going to be busy tonight anyway. I wonder if he could pick up on my “vibe” of disappointment when he said “tomorrow” instead of “tonight” (as in last night). I had really wanted to talk to him yesterday.

    Ah, yes. That’s it. That’s the real thought. And in the moment, I thought I was supposed to be “sireny” and let the man lead the way – let him say when he would call me. But the truth was, it was a lie that tonight was great. I was secretly hoping that he would call me and I would be busy. Because that was my plan. But I should have just told him to call me back last night, or not made a big deal of it. Last night, I wanted to talk to him. Tonight, I don’t care.

    Bah. I’m going to bed…



  65.  #65Emerson on April 5, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    Skimming the blog to catch up, but soo tired and must sleep…zzzz

    (((Sirens)))



  66.  #66Starla on April 5, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    hmm i’m up late can’t sleep but that’s okay (((((((((starla))))))))))))



  67.  #67Tiffany on April 5, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    ok, I lied 🙂 I’m tired, but I haven’t gone to bed yet. I had one final thought about OM I wanted to share. Which is that, the way I see it, he did me a favor. The guy probably has issues up the wazzoo that I can’t even see. He might have thought that he ended it for his own reasons, and things about me or the relationship he didn’t like. But really, he can’t do relationship. And he’s saving/ed me the trouble of having to actually try to have a relationship with a man who is incapable of being in one. Thank you, OM! Thank you for getting out of the way and making room for the right kind of person to show up! I look forward to meeting him – or finding out who it is! And meanwhile, safe journey. Take care. And I’ll be over here, being awesome. If you ever feel like giving me a call, or hanging out. 😉 ta-tah!



  68.  #68T-Girl on April 6, 2012 at 12:09 am

    (((Starla)))

    Are you going to answer his e-mail? Perhaps tell him how disappointed and sad you are and then wish him the best?

    What is the siren thing to do?



  69.  #69Daria on April 6, 2012 at 1:43 am

    onne of my meals daily is a entire organic chocolate squares bar. yum. superfood. its just like an entire meal.

    yum

    i love my non conventional yet so healty and real eating habits

    i love ME!

    i am working on loving ME ME ME!

    more ME!

    more!



  70.  #70Silver Moonbeam on April 6, 2012 at 2:31 am

    #1067 Tiffany

    “And, she is also getting into her late 50′s. I suppose some type of early-onset memory issue is not unthinkable….hm…”

    I really do NOT like this remark, REALLY!!!! I feel angry and judged for being an older person.

    If my daughter thought or said this to me I would be really pi$$ed off!!!

    My memory could be just as good as yours if not better!!



  71.  #71Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 2:38 am

    BW @ 24

    Thank you for the info, I’ll try and find that book at the library.



  72.  #72Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 2:52 am

    GivingGirl @ 1084 (previous blog)

    “Hi Francesca,

    I’m new here, so I don’t know the background. I know how it feels when you feel your feelings are being ignore and it’s all about him. I’m sorry cause it does suck. I’m learning that sometimes I misjudge. Maybe he just wasn’t in the right mood to be excited about what you did? Maybe he had something on his mind, was tired or in a bad mood?”

    Thank you for trying to bring some light into the whole thing.

    I doubt he was tired, he had just gotten up after 10+ hours of sleep. And he slept some more after lunch.

    As for having something on his mind, I won’t be able to know until I get the chance to speak to him.

    I know he’s kind of anxious to go back to work after being off for almost five months.

    Anyway, I just don’t want to try and figure out what really happen while I’m being here by myself because I’m not in his head and I don’t know what happened for him to react that way. He just said he was tired of me acting all “dramatically”.

    I wrote something to him while he was sleeping after lunch, I know he will read it.

    It was about how I would like a relationship to be and how important it was to communicate, amongst other things.

    I don’t know if that’ll help or not.

    He’s kind of hard-headed and so am I and we sometimes clash but not as much as yesterday. We always end up finding a way to understand each other, a “terrain d’entente”.

    This was our first real argument and it feels horrible.



  73.  #73Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 2:57 am

    Tiffany @1068 (previous thread)

    Thank you for the hugs. Even if they are virtual, they sure feel good.

    Now I got to work out as I don’t want to let myself wallow in my misery. I got to keep with my routine.



  74.  #74Silver Moonbeam on April 6, 2012 at 3:25 am

    In Rori’s answer to Bethany she calls him Craig yet his name is Christopher.

    I think this is a very old post from a few years back, I remember the college girl going to Ireland with Christopher.



  75.  #75Silver Moonbeam on April 6, 2012 at 3:32 am

    Thank you Tiffany for assisting me to move from feeling blah nothingness to anger as I move up the vibrational scale.

    I have had a good wallow, a good sleep and some good chocolate for breakfast. 😀

    Happy Easter everybody. xxx



  76.  #76Butterfly Wings on April 6, 2012 at 3:49 am

    After two nights of no gym I’m feeling kind of blah today. My baby went back to her father’s this afternoon so TH and I will be going tonight.

    I had a personal training session on Tuesday and now I have a program to follow. I’m also regularly doing the Bodyrock workouts too and dreaming of the day when I have abs like that chick!! Sigh…..

    TH is still kind of acting grumpy but I think he’s over his initial crankiness. We’ve hardly seen each other all day. He’s done his thing and I’ve done mine, which I love – we’re not living in each others pockets!

    A gf of mine had some furniture she needed to store for a few months so I offered her the use of one of my storage rooms (I have THREE of them in this house!!) so TH helped them to put everything in there. That’s the most I saw him today!

    Lucky we have gym tonight! 🙂



  77.  #77Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 4:26 am

    Damn! They don’t have any Florence Littauer’s books at the library.

    I guess I’m gonna have to buy it, and I’m thinking that I should get “Personality Plus: understanding yourself and the one you love” as well.

    According to Amazon.ca’s reviews, she sounds really good and she wrote a lot of other books.

    The only thing that is bothering me is that she is a Christian, so I hope the books are not full of G*d references.

    Sorry, don’t mean to trigger anyone but I’m an agnostic.

    Butterfly Wings, can you tell me a little bit more about the way she writes? Thanks!



  78.  #78Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 4:29 am

    Silver Moonbeam isn’t it funny how being in our 50s we feel young but looking back can remember how we used to think about people that age when we were younger



  79.  #79Butterfly wings on April 6, 2012 at 4:44 am

    Francesca – I’m practically an atheist and I’ve not been turned off by her writing at all if that helps? 😉



  80.  #80Ella on April 6, 2012 at 4:47 am

    Ok, its time for me to have a quick Siren Interaction.

    I’ve been off blog for a bit because I have just been so busy with life.

    And I have been keeping an eye and reading when I can, although I am in no way up to date with what is happening on Siren Island.

    As for me, all is good in Ella Land right now.

    I am feeling mostly very good and strong, and dealing with stuff as it comes along.

    I am still not drinking any alcohol at the moment and feel pretty good with this for now.

    MWC isn’t drinking any alcohol right now either.

    After that binge episode a few weeks ago he decided to read up about alcohol issues on the internet and told me he thinks he is a problem drinker.

    He sought out some help and we went to an appointment with an alcohol service. Unfortunately they were not very good. Plus there is a waiting list.

    In the meantime he did some of the worksheets from the SMART website, and he hasn’t been drinking these past few weeks.

    He is also finally being honest about it all, and what his intake was… I can tell he is being honest now.

    I feel much safer with it all with the feeling of honesty and openess.

    I’m not saying the issue is totally gone or anything (I do still feel anxiety mixed in with hope when I think about the issue being resolved) however I just feel as though it is being exposed and the light, and dealt with truthfully, rather than swept under the carpet or denied.

    I don’t know what will happen next, but I still have total commitment to myself to take care of myself and not stay in any situation that doesn’t feel good to me.

    He knows that if he drinks a lot I will simply leave that situation and go away for a bit. I won’t be around it.

    Somewhere in all this happening we have become exlcusive.

    Which I feel pretty scared about.

    But it kinda happened like this, with me setting up some dates for myself after the binge drinking episode.

    I gave him the no girlfriend speech and said that unless the alcohol issue was gone OR that there was total honesty AND I could see it being properly and pro-actively dealt with, then I wanted to keep my options open cus it didn’t feel safe/good to be exclusive.

    This PLUS it has to be moving towards marriage.

    Ideally I would have kept my option open anyway.

    However that week he made so many changes. And was doing everything to get the issue dealt with.

    I kept my first date and then he worked out that I was going on another date with a CD and of course he didn’t like it and got cross.

    I said the no g,friend speech again and then he said ‘But I am sorting it. I am being honest. I have changed EVERYTHING for you and for me and for us. I want you to be exclusively mine and I do want forever and marriage with you’

    He had a point.

    So I have agreed to exclusivity for now.

    However the deal is if he breaks his end of the bargain, and the issue doesn’t continue getting sorted, or he is dishonest, or it is not heading for marriage, then I will immediately become un-exclusive again.

    This feels ok to me for now.

    Like in my head I am still keeping my options open and keep flirting/smiling and CD-ing with men day to day, without going on any proper dates at the moment.

    I accept I am not yet married.

    And that means that I am only dating and can/may date other men again at any time.

    I am the prize so he has to work to keep me.

    For now I feel good with this and just focusing too on my business.



  81.  #81Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 4:49 am

    Butterfly Wings,

    Yes, it helps a lot, thank you! 🙂



  82.  #82Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 5:00 am

    Ella, that feels good to read.

    I’m happy you are both willing to work it out. It’s great that he feels about you so strongly that he’s opened to seek help re. the drinking problem.

    And you gave me good ideas on how to talk to EC, even if we’re not in the same situation.

    Thank you.

    And yes, commitment is scary and forces you to work on the relationship every single day.

    I’m willing to do that with EC, I don’t believe the fight we had yesterday will cause our relationship to be over.

    I have to keep reminding myself that we are different but that we can work with these differences and be comfortable enough with them to just accept them.



  83.  #83Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 5:04 am

    I just found a pdf version of Florence Littauer’s personality test.

    Posting it here for those who are interested.

    I will take the test myself later.

    http://www.bethjones.net/documents/personality-test.pdf



  84.  #84Ella on April 6, 2012 at 5:07 am

    So now my challenge is that I must be careful to make sure I maintain my own life.

    And my PRIZE status.

    It can be too easy to slip into feeling comfortable with someone and let all my old bad habits drift back BUT I won’t be doing that.

    Instead I will be focusing on getting treated like a Queen.

    I have to watch it though.

    The last couple of weeks MWC and I have been very close, and spending almost all our time togeher. Always instigated by him, but still, he has had unlimited access to me recently, pretty much!

    And it has still been ALL about me.

    However recently, and mostly for practical reasons like time, when he has been working and I have not, I have driven to his house a couple of times and the other night I actually cooked dinner and did the washing up!

    Now don’t panic. This was a 1 off, and I felt like cooking, for me, it made me feel happy.

    However I do have to watch myself because it is so easy to start doing more and more for him… and I could so easliy just do that washing up when it is sitting there.

    However I will reign myself in because I want romance.

    And the relationship is more important than the washing up!

    It also feels hard not to agree to see him every moment, however I do realise that I need to pull back and get some distance.

    Otherwise it is like we are married but without the ring!

    By the way I don’t know if I would marry him.

    I like him. A lot.

    Probably love him.

    And he is so not a guy who I would have expected to date or have feelings for.

    He does not look anything like the guys I used to go for.

    He is pretty much the opposite looks wise.

    But I feel good with him.

    Ow, feel tingly in pelvis and tummy area when I type that.

    Anyway, we shall see.

    He has not offered me that type of commitment yet.

    I know for me ultimately I do want to be married, whether to him or someone else, although I also really want my own independant life too.

    Anyway this weekend is taken care of as I am off today doing my own stuff while he is at work, then I am away on a hen do tomorrow.

    So that is good.

    I would like to get back to him pre-booking my time, rather than assuming he can see me, he was getting pretty good at that before.

    The other issue for me is some residual fear that if he is not with me he will start drinking again.

    And I know that I cannot let this affect my choices, or time apart.

    I am very aware about co-dependence, and wanting to avoid that.

    I know I just have to let go.

    If he decided to srink he does, it has nothing to do with me, and there is nothing I can do to prevent or encourage it.

    That is up to him.

    I just have to feel that fear and let go of any outcomes.

    And trust that the Universe will somehow take care of me.

    Its likely that he will drink something sometimes probably.

    And its likely that I will feel funny.

    And I know I can handle that.

    I have Siren Island for support amongst other things.

    I will be ok, and I will take care of myself.

    He says he wants to take care of me, and he knows what he need to do.

    It is with him.

    My only job is to focus on me, and also take care of me.

    Win, win.

    But for now. Just some space.

    Me time. Girly time and focus on myself.

    Could feel good.



  85.  #85Ella on April 6, 2012 at 5:11 am

    Hi Francesca.

    I feel pleased that my post gave you some ideas

    🙂



  86.  #86Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 5:18 am

    Ella reading your post reminds of some things in Reconnect. Rori suggests saying something like “I feel so lonely here washing the dishes by myself” or something to that effect so. Gay Hendricks also suggest putting some playfulness or creativity into everyday chores like putting on some music and dancing together while doing them.



  87.  #87Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 5:20 am

    Ella, almost all that’s being written here is helping me.

    I’m so glad I have this place to come to!

    Years ago, I would’ve probably shut down, now I want to open myself up and learn from others instead of being ornery about everything and doing it my way.



  88.  #88Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 5:22 am

    Hello Day 18!!!!!

    I have to wake up because I told my friend we’re going to yoga but I’d rather stay in bed. I feel tiiiiiired!!!



  89.  #89Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 5:22 am

    Dominique, I keep thinking of what you wrote on the other thread i.e., not fixing things because there is nothing to fix.

    Why do I feel like there is something to fix?

    Can you please tell me more about that? I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes anymore.

    I really value your input.

    Thank you!



  90.  #90Sun Goddess on April 6, 2012 at 5:36 am

    Can’t wait to see what today brings! LP did invite me to go on “an adventure” today. He did not confirm yet, so Im not sure what to expect and I don’t feel like waiting around all morning to hear from him. If I don’t hear from him by 10 am, I will be making plans to go do something on my own…shopping and a movie perhaps? Either way I’m going to make it a great day off of work. 🙂



  91.  #91blue rose on April 6, 2012 at 5:37 am

    61: light heart

    super helpful. maybe i could pause and rephrase what i want instead of telling myself “don’t say that!”

    i passed out last night, so I’m sorry i didn’t read your post until today. still catching up 🙂



  92.  #92Sun Goddess on April 6, 2012 at 5:37 am

    Oh, and, I’m supposed to go meet a new cd tonight.



  93.  #93Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 5:39 am

    So yeah, I feel better this morning even though I didn’t sleep all that well.

    I will focus on work today and smile at everyone I meet.

    I have to have good vibes otherwise he will feel my bad vibes.

    Go away bad vibes!!!!

    I’m still feeling all shaky inside but not as much as yesterday.



  94.  #94Starla on April 6, 2012 at 5:40 am

    morning:)



  95.  #95Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 5:42 am

    I will read about overfunctioning here today when I get down times at the boutique.

    I feel like I really need it.



  96.  #96Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 5:46 am

    Francesca the way I think about it is in asking myself if I believe something is wrong with me. I tend to unconsciously ask myself “what’s wrong with you”? Now when I catch myself saying that to myself I affirm that there is nothing wrong with me, I don’t need fixing. In giving that to myself it has helped me to open up more to believing that people around me just are, they don’t need fixing, our relationship don’t need fixing. It just is. I am not fully where I want to be but this awareness has helped me to lean back a bit more. Feeling like something needs to be fixed is not a feeling, it is a thought and you might also wish to ask yourself if that thought is true.



  97.  #97CurvySiren10 on April 6, 2012 at 5:46 am

    Starla,

    Just read what happened last night. Not sure what kind of mood you’re going to wake up in, but just wanted to send some hugs and good thoughts.

    Like the others, I don’t think this is the “end” with CF, but I will say I’m kind of disappointed with his display of emotional immaturity in the past few weeks. He may or may not be able to step up to the relationship you want- and I know that will hurt, but that tale is yet to be told.

    More later. I’m running to the gym, but wanted to comment and mostly send you love this morning.



  98.  #98CurvySiren10 on April 6, 2012 at 5:51 am

    Francesca,

    Sending you good thoughts as well. I know all too well how disturbing those first/big arguments feel.

    I think this will be fine. He just needs some time/space right now … resolving conflict is a critical part of any relationship. Yes, we have to use our Siren skills and FMs, but this is one of those things that make or break a relationship.

    Sending hugs….



  99.  #99CurvySiren10 on April 6, 2012 at 5:53 am

    SMB,

    That 50’s comment irritated me too. Not to the point of anger, but still annoying…

    I have never been more astute than I am now. (early 50’s) and honestly, I feel like my life has more energy and focus than it ever has.

    SO glad you’re finding your mojo again. I knew you wouldn’t stay down long. 🙂



  100.  #100Starla on April 6, 2012 at 5:59 am

    CurvySiren,
    I’m really okay. Don’t know WHY i’m okay. I adore him to the depths like i never adored anyone before.
    but I actually feel pretty normal/happy right now.



  101.  #101Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 6:00 am

    FW thank you so much for telling me about fixing things (or not).

    However, I keep thinking, if something is bothering you in your partner or the relationship, isn’t it better to talk about it and try to resolve things and come to an understanding?

    Is that what you mean by fixing?

    And there is something wrong with me, I am too sensitive! 😉



  102.  #102Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 6:03 am

    Thank you CurvySiren, I really appreciate that you took some time to read what I wrote and reply to me.

    I feel supported.

    Hugs back to you! 🙂

    Gotta go to work now, will catch up later.



  103.  #103Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 6:14 am

    Francesca I take it as the kind of thing that tells me that I believe the man is not good enough for me and that I don’t want him.



  104.  #104Daria on April 6, 2012 at 6:14 am

    Ella – I feel all tensed up reading that. It seemed you agreed to exclusivity to pacify him about having been truthful which he should anyway… And are sowing yourself up in this yet unsure Abt this man situation

    The rest of the post seems just dancing around justifying this abandonment of self… Like ‘hoping’ for him to sabotage it so things will get back to non codependent stuff

    I feel sad… :(. Sorry if coming across harsh…

    I know you want marriage and if really wish to see you CDing lots of men until offered that from a man you feel sure and secure about and happy to say yes

    Don’t have to agree to exclusivity to keep a man… They gotta keep you!

    Don’t gotta go easy on one to ‘help him out his problem’. That is a trap and I can see myself easily falling in it



  105.  #105Tiffany on April 6, 2012 at 6:16 am

    Well, I’m up early again. Have to go for training at my gym job today. Then a facial. Then an afternoon of probably craziness before I get to Passover. And once I get there, I’m a little worried, because dinner is going to go Late!!! So late, I need a ride all the way home. I am afraid I will pass out at dinner and/or have to leave the table and sleep, I will be so tired. So we’ll see. I’ll figure out a way to take care of myself, I hope..at least tomorrow, I won’t have to go anywhere and can sleep all day if I want to…



  106.  #106Daria on April 6, 2012 at 6:16 am

    Francesca it feels weird reading ‘I’m too sensitive’ I feel like a stab in the heart. To me the blog is about becoming More sensitive and I want to glorify that and my sensitivity



  107.  #107Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 6:18 am

    I feel compassion for CF. My personal sense of Starla is “intense”. Though that is not a criticism I imagine that maybe CF is not “yet” mature enough to handle the intensity. Both people have to learn about each other and adjust their steps to be able to interact with each other based on wisdom. He might have taken a break to mature a little on his own to come back again to start a “new” relationship. I allow myself to be believe that we can expand and grow in different ways. It doesn’t necessarily have to be only straight up and continuous.



  108.  #108Tiffany on April 6, 2012 at 6:19 am

    I love the idea of “fluer de peau,” from the previous thread. I know some French, so I immediately got that it said “flower of the skin.” I love that image. At first, I thought it referred to a body wash or something. tehee!

    But I love the idiom. I’m curious how you would use it? would you say, “So-and-so c’est un(e) fleur de peau.” (meaning, he or she is sensitive)?

    If so, then je suis une fleur de peau magnifique!

    If not, then I just said something silly 😉



  109.  #109Tiffany on April 6, 2012 at 6:23 am

    FW – I like your response to Starla in 107! I especially like the idea of people expanding in different directions and going off to come back and start a “new” relationship with the same person. yes! 🙂

    Also, in Ayurveda, there are three basic body/personality types, or “doshas” and everybody is a combination of all three, but one or two will usually be dominant. One of these is basically characterized by “intensity.” I have this dosha also. I am both “intense” and “sweet.” Sometimes I believe these two parts of me are at odds with each other (and maybe they are). I don’t know if this rings with Starla at all.

    If you google it, you can find quizzes online that will ask you a bunch of questions, and you can find out your Ayurvedic body/personality type. It’s pretty cool!



  110.  #110Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 6:27 am

    I believe Carol Allen talks about doshas. She also talks about getting to know yourself in such a way that you can ramp up your positive relationship attractors while minimizing other traits that don’t help the relationship.



  111.  #111Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 6:30 am

    RE 104 Yeah. Well said Daria. Ella particularly around the expression of feeling fear of him drinking when you are not with him. I felt the tension in my stomach and my face. I also thought about him feeling mothered by you thinking that he can’t take care of himself as a grown man and needing to fix him. I believe it is great that you are aware of these feelings in yourself.



  112.  #112Starla on April 6, 2012 at 6:31 am

    i feel compassion for CF, too, FW. He’s acting like a “basket case” (my friend’s word choice… i’ve never used it in context before so I’m enjoying it lol) and saying over and over that I don’t want what he wants, when the email he’s replying to is me saying, “hey, this is all feeling really disconnected, and i do want to talk about it! i think you’re wonderful! so what can we do?”

    i said it 3 or 4 times.

    it’s like he was ignoring that part of reality. like creating drama in search of someone to reassure you “no, i said i do want you and i want those things!” because you feel like it would be inappropriate to ask for reassurance otherwise.
    it’s a pretty common escalation scenario among two dramatic, intense people.

    his email contradicts itself several times. it’s just long and confusing and intense.



  113.  #113Tiffany on April 6, 2012 at 6:31 am

    Hi Francesca – I’m too sensitive! Welcome to the club! 🙂

    ~~~~~~

    So I know y’all probably don’t want the whole play-by-play, but I feel like writing it out.

    I feel weird that I talked about the phone call so soon, when it wasn’t really a big deal. Or maybe it was a big deal – for me. But in general, not really a big deal.

    I still woke up thinking of OM a little bit. Very lightly, though, and with no real intensity. Just wondering…

    And last night, I dreamed of orchids, growing over tree roots…



  114.  #114Starla on April 6, 2012 at 6:33 am

    i’m still LOLing at it
    i don’t know why i’m so cold about it=/
    probably cuz you can’t make this sh*t up, lolololol
    never seen anything like it.



  115.  #115lilybelly on April 6, 2012 at 6:39 am

    Starla,

    Do you think you are feeling “cold” because you feel some sort of relief from the last two weeks?



  116.  #116Starla on April 6, 2012 at 6:40 am

    fw, i hope you will “lighten up” on me over the next few days unless i ask for specific advice. i know i am fine and happy or whatever but it’s still a raw breakup and i do know my own shortcomings and mistakes every step of the way all by myself.



  117.  #117Daria on April 6, 2012 at 6:42 am

    So I felt weird at the end of tonites date I felt disconnected. And I’m feeling triggered about that.

    🙁

    I felt connected otherwise.

    Until the end.

    I feel guilty and icky and bad.

    I feel icky to ‘look at it’ it feels so intensely unconfortable like more than cringe w actual ouch in my heart

    Owwe

    🙁

    Feels good to see me just allowing myself to feel it woot analyzing



  118.  #118Jessie1000 on April 6, 2012 at 6:42 am

    I turned my phone on to call the wave pool and I felt so sorry to see my Beau had texted every hour on the hour from morning to night for all 3 days. He called me every nice name….shooo amora, Najar, Ummerrrr….lots of lovely sweet names and I felt sorry for him cause he is obviously hurt. he says he misses hanging out with me….
    Why do I feel bad for him more than I do for him?
    I am sure that this is not what I want, but it feels bad to say to no to men.
    He wouldnt want me now the way I feel cause I wouldnt be as nice to him anymore.
    I would be cranky and I would probably tell him that Im not interested in sex especially cause its impossible for him to talk about feelings…
    ive tried…Ive even said nice things and he texts back
    “really?” and nothing else
    but everything he does for me shows me that he loves me and wants me and is devoted to me
    but a life without being able to talk is just toooo quiet.
    Im staying strong
    Im not going to be a man pleaser
    lol
    Im thinking about Jessie today and going swimming
    with my boys
    Not anyone else
    no one else is allowed in my bubble today



  119.  #119Starla on April 6, 2012 at 6:42 am

    lillybelly, yes i do feel relief. i have been crying a lot the last two weeks, and this is a lot of rejection in one week! (grad school then this)



  120.  #120light heart on April 6, 2012 at 6:44 am

    91: blue rose says:

    61: light heart

    super helpful. maybe i could pause and rephrase what i want instead of telling myself “don’t say that!”

    i passed out last night, so I’m sorry i didn’t read your post until today. still catching up 🙂

    ~~~~~
    Not to worry, blue rose, perfect timing. It was late and after I wrote that last one, I turned off the pc and went nighty nite!

    Yes, exactly, just pause to feel your feelings and then choose the right words…so if you were going to include the word ‘feel’, you could say,
    “It might/would feel fun to see your pictures (sometime)!”, so you are conveying your initial true response, but not in an overbearing way.

    🙂
    light heart



  121.  #121Starla on April 6, 2012 at 6:46 am

    i wonder what he would think if he could see me here just fine? he must have expected me to freak out or call him or something? cuz he’s like “i don’t think i’ll answer if you try to call tonight…but i’ll be ready to talk tomorrow if you want”



  122.  #122Tiffany on April 6, 2012 at 6:46 am

    FW – yes, definitely! And there’s positives and negatives to each. None is really “better” than another…

    ~~~~~~

    I had to wonder to myself if I *did* come across as both “selfish” and “controlling” in my speech on the phone to OM. I’m kind of picking apart the phrases in my head, and realizing where there were those elements, albeit unintentional. It makes me feel self-conscious of it. And that maybe that’s the way I spoke, out of habit, but it wasn’t totally accurate, to me. I am not that way. It’s just a way I learned to speak at a young age. It felt like I was being friendly. But I gave him no real reason to give me a response. And that makes me feel sad : (

    I think I need to learn a whole new language. I mean, feeling messages, yes. I said, “I felt like talking to you.” I don’t know if that’s a “feeling.” But it was true. I wonder if he thought that was “selfish.” That I wanted to talk to him, so I called him. Is that selfish? I don’t even know anymore.

    And was it “controlling” to say to him that, if he did call me that night, to call me before 11 p.m.? That was my time deadline. I would have preferred if he called me that night. But actually, the only reason I said that was because there was NO WAY for me to control whether he called that night, or the next day, or whenever. He wasn’t saying he was going to call that night. I would have preferred it. But only if it was before 11 p.m. That was my boundary 🙂

    I feel selfish and controlling when I give boundaries… (and that’s my issue)

    But if he perceives me as “selfish” and “controlling” then maybe there is a reason within him that causes him to see me that way through his “filter.” And whatever that is was there long before I was. So the accuracy of it must be taken with a grain of salt. I know me better than he does. And if his assessment includes those qualities, then I don’t need to accept that. And I don’t accept it. And I can’t assume anything about what he thinks or feels. All I can see is what he does, and make my own assessments about That…

    but if I worry that I might be selfish – if I worry that I might be controlling – then i might act that way, inadvertently, through law of attraction.

    what do you think?



  123.  #123Daria on April 6, 2012 at 6:47 am

    I’m craving new papi attention…. Or some energy shifting…. Hmmm

    Thank you Daria for brushing my teeth

    Thank you for getting me water

    Thank you for rolling over on my tummy so my shout can dry better

    Thank you for healing my body

    Thank you for going there and looking at and healing triggers underlying situation w my sister

    Thank you for being brave enough to grow when it feels so unconfortable

    Thank you for getting fun movies to watch for me

    Thank you for thinking up fun activities like seeing

    Thank you for finding goddess oba.

    Thank you for honoring me



  124.  #124Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 6:48 am

    I definitely will Starla which is the reason I actually told myself initially not to comment on the breakup. Just one last comment, I would use a Lizka type challenge to see how quickly I could get over this breakup.



  125.  #125Starla on April 6, 2012 at 6:52 am

    fw, what do you think the goal post looks like for getting over a breakup?

    i mean, i feel fine now… but what are the milestones?



  126.  #126light heart on April 6, 2012 at 6:52 am

    121
    Starla

    “I wonder what he would think……..?” ???

    What do you think?

    🙂
    light heart



  127.  #127Jessie1000 on April 6, 2012 at 6:52 am

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlNGEpief3Q&ob=av2e

    Good song for the mornings….so relaxing!



  128.  #128Jessie1000 on April 6, 2012 at 6:58 am

    starla….the faster you stop thinking and get busy, the better it will go…it depends on you
    Sometimes its hard to get moving but you can fake it till you make it….
    I used to sit for like years feeling bad after break ups…
    now i give myself exactly 1 week and then I get back in the saddle again lol
    (oh and it drives men wild….my second husband said what happened to the love you had for me? how could you replace me so quick?
    Im like…dont know but its the best thing about me! resilience!
    i think you should have been nicer when you had me….
    I was out clubbing with my friends exactly 1 week after he moved out and changed my phone so he couldnt try to booty call me….
    I said…go out the door…its no biggie but dont ever think you can come back in….
    I sound tough eh? im not but it comes from trial and error….and you get your power back which feels soooo good
    you just lost your power for a second honey, but its going to come back soon….



  129.  #129Starla on April 6, 2012 at 7:00 am

    i’m going out to lunch and then to a trendy museum party tonight
    ironing my hair now and making myself purdy 🙂



  130.  #130light heart on April 6, 2012 at 7:02 am

    Jessie, thank you for the great song this morning
    Love Ben Harper! Listened to that, and am now going to do sun salutations

    🙂
    light heart



  131.  #131Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 7:07 am

    I believe in LOA Tiffany. I also believe my boundaries are for myself. So around calling, only when men ask me if they can call that I tell him I will answer my phone if they call before whatever time. If they call after I just don’t answer. For me that is my boundary and how I honor myself. I have a male friend who tells me all the time “it is my phone and I don’t have to answer it. I am the one paying the bill. When I want to sleep I put it on silent or vibrate”. That has inspired me to keep things focussed on me.



  132.  #132Sun Goddess on April 6, 2012 at 7:07 am

    Well it’s ten o’clock and no news from LP. I’m going to do my mountain of dishes, then it looks like I am off to the mall for a new shirt for tonight! :).



  133.  #133Sun Goddess on April 6, 2012 at 7:08 am

    Ha ha! The second I post that, he texts.



  134.  #134Starla on April 6, 2012 at 7:09 am

    alcohol definitely makes me lean forward/overfunction

    for example, if i drink tonight, i will be leaving my cell phone with a friend 😀



  135.  #135Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 7:15 am

    Starla I don’t think there are goalposts. I believe it is the commitment I make with myself. I now tend to melt down totally when reality hits and cry on and off for some days but I am so committed to my own happiness now that I am determined to keep trucking. The only difference is that now I am older. Life goes on even without a man is the place that I am at. When younger I saw things differently so I appreciate where you are at. However, believe it or not your opportunities might be a lot more than mine because at my age most men are married. Then again for me the relationship is the important thing not the man.

    With a breakup you get to feel how your heart feels when broken. You get to see how important it is for you take care of your heart and love it even more. You come face to face with the fact that if a man is in your life you want one who will gently tenderly hold your heart, cherish your heart as if it is his. You get to see how you want to be loved, cherished and appreciated. You get to look at yourself and honor yourself for the memorable moments that you created in that relationship and realizing the power you have. Power to create bigger and better moments in another relationship.



  136.  #136light heart on April 6, 2012 at 7:16 am

    122 Tiffany

    “What do you think”

    What I think is that as long as you feel good about your intentions, are sure of and trust your own boundaries, and do your best to communicate in a warm, open, non-blamey way, then you are doing well in taking care of yourself. This is attractive, (not ‘selfish’ in that negative sense), because it shows that you value yourself!

    🙂
    light heart



  137.  #137Starla on April 6, 2012 at 7:20 am

    thanks, fw, that’s pretty deep.

    i really do feel fine and i’m starting to think maybe i’m actually really fine? i thought for sure i would wake up angry or something. instead i woke up excited to look pretty.

    this is very very unlike me

    off to work!



  138.  #138Jessie1000 on April 6, 2012 at 7:29 am

    drunk dialing…lol done that



  139.  #139Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 7:29 am

    “I felt like talking to you.”

    Maybe a bit selfish, and if I take it apart I would ask did it cross your mind if he wanted to talk. Also I would ask myself if I felt like talking or was just wanting to create a connection and is that masculine? I feel tension right now reading it and thinking how I have been with my kids when I want to talk to them about bad behavior. It is something I would say and even say I don’t care if you want to talk or not. Kind of like I feel like talking and you better listen to me. Selfish is good because if we can’t selfishly take care of ourselves and love ourselves how can we love anyone else.

    Now I remember an article from Rori that suggest not talking to your man or at your man. But talking “with” your man and how that vibe changes the energy. When I think of talking to him now somehow something inside me kind of reminds me that there are two of us here. Two people with different needs and maybe coming from different places emotionally while wanting the same thing. We talk and do many things out of habit. However, I find when I consciously go into my body and pay attention to my feelings the way I habitually talk morphs a bit and people are more able to deal with me. Then again I have read from so many coaches who say the statement “I want to talk” is a man cue to run for the hills. They hear it as “you are in trouble”. So we are encouraged to set a positive context when we want to talk. I now choose words like “something is weighing on my heart or my chest that I would like to share”. I even sometimes let them know I just them to listen and there is no responsibility there for them to fix anything.



  140.  #140Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 7:32 am

    Starla one thing I know about myself for years now is when I lose something important, money documents whatever, if I feel fine as in no panic or tightness in my chest it has been my signal that everything will work out. I will find whatever it is that I have lost or somehow it will come back to me. You just helped me to put that in the context of relationship and in a way I never thought of before. It is the one time in my life that I have traditionally believed and followed my feelings. The one time I have always paid attention and behaved based on my feelings. Wow.



  141.  #141Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 7:33 am

    FW @103

    I see what you mean but there are so many other things about him that I love.

    I want him.

    I also have things that bug me about my own personality and I know I have to work on myself some more.

    But I also don’t believe that this argument will cause our relationship to end.

    He’s a good man and I’m sure that even though he meant what he said, he still will try and work it out with me later.

    I feel the relationship is strong enough that we can overcome this disagreement.



  142.  #142Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 7:37 am

    Daria @106

    I was just kidding!

    I love my sensitiveness and I embrace it.

    I just wish I could tone it down a bit, sometimes I scare myself for being so sensitive.



  143.  #143Jilly on April 6, 2012 at 7:37 am

    Good morning Sirens 🙂

    Well…this week my dad came down and brought his “girlfriend”…actually they both say it’s not serious yet but I have NEVER met someone my dad has dated in 9 years.

    We went skiing (my dad, his GF, me and my two brothers) and we had a blast. It felt so fun and I think she is perfect for him!!! I feel so happy seeing my dad find a SIREN!! She is..and she doesn’t even know it…she told me she never calls men or kisses them first. She has her boundaries. I felt smiley hearing her open up to me.

    Both of my parents have found partners that I couldn’t have asked for better for either one of them!

    Same with Rugby Man…I couldn’t have asked for anything better… 🙂 🙂 🙂

    WOW…I feel really blessed and happy…so much that I’ve felt moved to tears quite a bit this week…with so much love.



  144.  #144Ella on April 6, 2012 at 7:38 am

    Daria re 104

    Thank you.

    I have sat with these comments for a bit and no I don’t feel like that.

    I am genuinly asking myself if I do but I don’t think so.

    Yes I do feel a little nervous about agreeing to exclusivity.

    But I do not feel like I have abandoned myself.

    I feel like I am myself.

    And no I don’t feel like I agreed to exclusivity to pacify him.

    I agreed to exclusivity because at the moment he is giving me everything I want and it feels good.

    If that changes I will change my choices.

    If a ring doesn’t follow, along with an offer that I feel 100% good and sure about, then I will CD again.

    I do feel a little unsure.

    And it is more gentle nerves, rather than outright ‘you are on the wrong path’ kind of fear.

    The whole thing feels pretty gentle.

    And I know I don’t NEED him.

    No I don’t want him to mess things up. But if he did I have options.

    I’m just feeling my way along with this thing really.

    Sometimes when I am in my head I get ‘thoughts’ about the situation that then lead me to question things, but when I am in my feelings I just feel warm, and safe and goey, and that this is all right.

    That can all change.

    And I feel happy with my choices for now.



  145.  #145Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Tiffany @109 & 113

    A fleur de peau means being sensitive.

    The verb “effleurer” means to graze the skin.

    The word “fleur” is in that verb.

    You would say someone is à fleur de peau as in:

    Je me sens à fleur de peau aujourd’hui.

    I have no idea where that idiom comes from but I like it and it really reflects my state of mind right now.



  146.  #146Jessie1000 on April 6, 2012 at 7:45 am

    wow
    feminine woman
    totally deep comment buddy
    you are so right.
    I protect myself alot now that ive hit bottom once…and i really appreciate the nice guys out there that can be so sweet and help pick up the pieces after a good steam rolling
    those boys are out there and they had nice mommas….



  147.  #147Ella on April 6, 2012 at 7:45 am

    FW re 111

    Yes.

    The thing is just cus I have these feelings and have talked about them does not mean I am acting on them.

    I am expressing my fear here as an outlet.

    Mostly I am feeling positive.

    We will see.

    I have always stayed out of his business about the drinking.

    And I believe it is mainly because of this that he decided to address it.

    What I am talking about on blog is my urges to overfunction.

    And that is what I am working on.

    I too feel tension in my tummy expressing them.

    And I also feel kinda needled for getting slammed (well probably not at all really, its just how it feels to me) for expressing that I have these urges and thoughts, and that I am not a perfect Siren.

    Urgh.

    Feeling snarky.

    But that’s ok.

    I know Sirens just have my best interest at heart, and I guess what would have felt good would have been to have other Sirens feeling excited for me.

    And maybe that is why I am feeling snarky.

    Expectations and wanting to control what others feel and how they react to me.

    Little sigh.

    Well its ok though.

    Others can have a different take.

    As long as I feel ok I can be my no 1 supporter.

    Yes.



  148.  #148Jilly on April 6, 2012 at 7:45 am

    By the way….

    After a few days my “new” eyebrows are looking fabulous!!! PHEW!!!!!!!! I was about to lose it on Monday night/Tuesday…now I love them!! 🙂

    Starla…I feel happy reading that you are open to feeling ok with everything and maybe not needing to feel bad about what’s going on with CF…I want to believe that there doesn’t need to be a process of “going through this” but just being OK with what is (Byron Katie)… that’s the vibe I’m getting from you…I love that…it feels open and vulnerable and safe even.



  149.  #149Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 7:49 am

    I just found that that I’ll have three days off for Easter!

    I was wishing for at least one but instead I got three!

    My first reaction was to send a text to EC to tell him that but I remembered that I am leaning back until he calls me.

    I’m not used to doing that, I have to keep reminding myself that things are not as they were two days ago when things were fine.



  150.  #150Jilly on April 6, 2012 at 7:49 am

    FW…I am really enjoying your posts this morning…that’s how I feel too…@140….I am trusting that everything will always work out and I can “lean back” and let the universe take care of things for me. 🙂



  151.  #151Ella on April 6, 2012 at 7:50 am

    ((((((((Starla))))))))

    Like I said before.

    He’ll be back.

    Sirens don’t break up… we just lean back and date other people.

    He’ll come back again soon I bet.

    xoxox



  152.  #152Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 7:51 am

    Oh ((((Ella)))), I am happy for you! 🙂



  153.  #153Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Ella I absolutely love your “No 1 supporter” comment. You go girl.



  154.  #154Ella on April 6, 2012 at 7:57 am

    Yay Ella!

    I feel so excited for you that you are working through your issues with this man that cares very much about you and wants to step up for you.

    Thank you for this chance to explore and learn and heal.

    I know you will do what is necessary to take care of yourself.

    xoxox



  155.  #155Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 7:59 am

    Jilly thanks. I know they will be okay.

    Sirens don’t get dumped either because we allow the men to chase. We allow them to do what they do while we live our fabulous lives – is what I tell myself.



  156.  #156lk on April 6, 2012 at 7:59 am

    @Starla

    Woo hoo !!!! Starla single sexy out on the town : )

    i laughed too when i read what you wrote. it does seem hilarious that he’s so bent out of shape & his reaction is to throw the whole thing down on the floor & storm out of the room…. (((cf)))

    (((((((Starla))))))) have a great friday & a great weekend! !



  157.  #157Ella on April 6, 2012 at 8:00 am

    Thanks FW

    That feels good.

    🙂



  158.  #158lk on April 6, 2012 at 8:01 am

    EEEE i just ate 2 donuts : (((

    what should i do now ? my tummy hurts : (



  159.  #159Jilly on April 6, 2012 at 8:02 am

    yay Ella!!! You sound so good!! 🙂



  160.  #160Jessie1000 on April 6, 2012 at 8:03 am

    Francesca….my move would be to have 3 days off and then tell him all the wonderful things you did on those days off and he will wonder…why didnt she include me? then he will check on you alot more….cause guys hate it when their woman is out having fun without them…its so risky for them! lol
    Have a wonderful vacation!



  161.  #161GivingGirl on April 6, 2012 at 8:03 am

    Tiffany,

    I also blame Mercury Retrograde for my problems. We always fight at Mercury Retrograde, it’s kinda spooky. LOL

    Seriously, though, I realize I’m part of the problem. But, still, I think there’s a connection.



  162.  #162Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 8:05 am

    BTW Starla I saw the comment about maybe responding to the phone if you call as probably a test of your boundary. I experienced it as a loaded statement. Kind of suggesting that you call while at the same time telling you to stay in the feminine. Maybe telling you that he is concious of your pattern around calling while at the same time saying who is in charge of his life. Maybe even suggesting that he wants to be the leading man in the relationship talk dynamics. So many masculine/feminine dynamic/subliminal messages in the one statement.



  163.  #163Jessie1000 on April 6, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Lightheart….ohhh I love yoga….it cleanses the mind and the ritualistic part of doing it at my gym with all my ladies makes me feel so connected to society since im usually in my basement with books
    Does anyone know how yoga originated?
    I heard in a feminist class that it was part of a sexual ritual for women in temples–part of worship of this bird goddess who was very sexual…i forget the details…has anyone heard that one?
    it was so sexy and delicious
    if you think about it, yoga is very much full of poses that seem like sex acts….alot of bending and stretching lol to get ready and releasing sexual energy in the shakrahs….
    either way this myth works for me
    does anyone else know the myths around the origins of yoga?
    that it was originated by women?
    maybe that is why it is taking off in N. America so much because of our liberated society?
    Hope that didnt offend anyone lol
    but I heard that myth was in thousands of years BCE….but Id like to know anyone elses thoughts….



  164.  #164Ella on April 6, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Thanks Jilly

    🙂



  165.  #165lk on April 6, 2012 at 8:15 am

    (((GivingGirl)))



  166.  #166lk on April 6, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Hi, Ella !

    You sound really good : )

    Ella the queen – i’m imagining you lounging on a park bench while someone fetches you an ice cream, & the sun glimmering off your hair : ))) love it !



  167.  #167Starla on April 6, 2012 at 8:19 am

    fw, yeah, the phone line is totally weird! i’m not going to call, though. a break up is a break up. i mean, really…



  168.  #168Jessie1000 on April 6, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Yoga Origins:
    Maybe not a reliable website but very interesting either way

    http://www.joyofsects.com/world/hindu.shtml



  169.  #169Ella on April 6, 2012 at 8:31 am

    lk re 166

    Yeah I’m down with that 🙂

    He he.



  170.  #170Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Jessie @160

    Ah, that’s really funny because that was exactly what I was telling myself while cleaning here! 🙂

    Great plan!



  171.  #171Starla on April 6, 2012 at 8:34 am

    lk, thanks, i’m glad you also see the ridiculousness and comedy of it all



  172.  #172GivingGirl on April 6, 2012 at 8:36 am

    I’m hoping he’ll invite me to dinner tonight. I think after yesterday, he might. My question is, how do I tell him, without making it about him, that it really hurts me when his first response to trouble in our relationship is to say, “we should just be friends so we don’t feel like this”?



  173.  #173Starla on April 6, 2012 at 8:38 am

    i think it was the dramatic pause he inserted IN WRITING to say he was breaking up with me that just made me snap and crack up

    “that’s why i’ve gotta…. regretfully withdraw my intent to court you. I’m so sorry”

    lol

    become a screenwriter.

    Caruso from CSI called and he wants his schtick back



  174.  #174GivingGirl on April 6, 2012 at 8:41 am

    Starla,

    I think you should take a few days to let it all settle in, allow yourself to feel your emotions and then decide if you want to reply. His comment about not answering the phone, I felt was because he wasn’t ready to talk and sounded like he was upset & needed some time. If you’re ok with walking away, then respond in a way that closes the door or don’t respond. If you’re hoping to pick things back up at some point, express how you feel and leave the door open. From personal experience, I don’t like being ignored (at all), so I feel a reply is the right thing to do. I don’t want to make a person feel bad, if I can prevent that with even a simple, goodbye reply. I hope things get better soon! 🙂



  175.  #175Starla on April 6, 2012 at 8:43 am

    thanks for your reply givinggirl:)
    i hope things get better for you soon too!



  176.  #176CurvySiren10 on April 6, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Ya it’s pretty dramatic for a dude, Starla. lol

    I’m still reeling from the fact that he chose to do all of this via email. Pretty cold CF….if you ask me.

    I love your attitude. You seem really okay …



  177.  #177Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Starla one message I got from it is to take the relationship offline to face to face. Breaking up over email or text comes across a bit as cowardice but I am assuming that the intention is to soften the blow for himself. Men can’t handle intense emotion and he might have been afraid that he would break down crying, aka Lilybelle situation. Men are socialized to hide emotions and to not cry.

    I also would look at the “just made me” thing I am telling myself. Is there something to learn about taking responsibility or power back for my emotions?



  178.  #178Starla on April 6, 2012 at 8:46 am

    he says his words would “auto fail” him right now if he tried to speak them.

    i suppose he could have waited until he was ready to speak then?

    drama and urgency compelled him.



  179.  #179GivingGirl on April 6, 2012 at 8:46 am

    @lk

    Thank you! 🙂



  180.  #180Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Him choosing to to all of this via email???

    Hhhmm just wondering here about it taking two to tango. Also about how I might inspire someone to interact using email….I know it is the 21st technolgical century but I want to take responsibility for my life so I am looking for lessons for myself.

    I have Mel’s Mr. A. in my head who tends to follow up with face to face discussions after sending emails and wondering what the compromise is in this that I can apply to my own life.



  181.  #181Starla on April 6, 2012 at 8:48 am

    omg fw please lay off, they’re just semantics.. “just made me”

    “i felt amused and couldn’t stop laughing when i read the dramatic pause”



  182.  #182Starla on April 6, 2012 at 8:50 am

    sorry fw=/
    i’m sure i dont’ even need to explain that trigger, lol
    sorry



  183.  #183Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Starla RE 178 I am hearing Dominique’s words that I keep telling myself “bring it back to me” “men heal through our hearts”. I do this because my bigger picture is in my head and I know I will have a second chance, no matter who the person is.



  184.  #184Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 8:54 am

    I am doing it Starla because I keep remembering CCarter talking about our strengths being our weakness. I believe part of your strength here is your passion about things that you believe in and it flips to intensity in relationships. I vision you as intensely/fiercely sharing your love with a man in your relationship. That man who can’t help himself when he feels that passion to give you his all. His devotion, his heart, his finances everything and doing it willing and lovingly. I believe he will consider himself a lucky man wanting to give you the world and turning his life upside down for you.



  185.  #185Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 8:56 am

    I feel you Starla I feel you.

    I feel you like a sparkling shimmering light. I know he will feel you no matter where he is and he will keep looking for you until he finds you.



  186.  #186Starla on April 6, 2012 at 8:57 am

    somehow i don’t feel the benefit when someone takes it upon themselves to point out my flaws or ways i must change for “my benefit”

    maybe you could wait like 24 hours? and then tomorrow you can have at it all you like.

    maybe write it down in word or notepad and paste it here tomorrow?

    yes, tomorrow i will feel much more receptive

    sorry if this interrupts your own urgency to share. it’s probably from a caring place. that, or you’re really really bored right now.



  187.  #187Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 8:59 am

    If that was meant for me Starla in 186. I thought you were inviting me to share when I read the apology. My error.



  188.  #188Starla on April 6, 2012 at 9:00 am

    this is cuz i ate his liver, isn’t it:( bah humbug

    shoulda gone for the amygdala



  189.  #189Starla on April 6, 2012 at 9:01 am

    fw i meant sorry for my tone if it felt offensive to you. sorry!



  190.  #190Starla on April 6, 2012 at 9:02 am

    plus sometimes we all comment around each other, so someone posts before we even reply to the last comment, and it feels confusing and anachronistic at times



  191.  #191Starla on April 6, 2012 at 9:03 am

    what about practical details like his favorite tshirt i have? he and i are facebook friends, too, but he never logs on. i’m also friends with his sister on fb. she never friended me until we started dating.



  192.  #192Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 9:04 am

    Ha!! something came up for me to heal. My urgency to share. I obviously overfunction to the point of being overbearing and assume stuff. Also it seems I lean forward really hard with convincing talk. I have to remember to practice putting my hand over my mouth. One of those tools that my brain conveninetly forgets. Wonder how I can imprint it in the forefront of my memory. Gotta get an object or create a visual.



  193.  #193Starla on April 6, 2012 at 9:06 am

    fw, i hope you know i do want to hear allllll your juicy fw thoughts, just not right right now. tomorrow, probably, if you still will!



  194.  #194lk on April 6, 2012 at 9:12 am

    @Starla

    don’t worry about the “details” – just focus on your own good feelings about your life : )



  195.  #195Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Namaste Sirens!

    I just came back from yoga class. I feel happy that I woke up to go. It was fun to spend time with my best friend and I realised that even if sometimes I so disagree with her, I’m happy to have her in my life. She’s the friend that I have known for the longest time and she’s still there, even if I’m sometimes crazy.

    Day 18 is a busy day for me. I have to run to color my hair and shower and get all pretty cause I have a date with SexyFrenchLawyer.

    I learned something. Well I knew it before but I saw it in action this week. It’s been 2 or 3 times that SexyFrenchLawyer say “Let’s have drinks on XYday” and he just never confirm the plans or he call last minute. These 2 or 3 times, I have just lean back and made other plan and I guess he realised that it doesn’t work like that with a siren because this time, He called 2 days in advance, made the plan, set a place and time. I said ok, I’ll be there at 3.30 Friday. This was Wednesday. And he REconfirmed yesterday again. I’m pretty happy with the way it is going now. I think my value just took a big step. I want to continue doing like this with all my CDs. 🙂

    Starla – I haven’t read the whole blog yet, but I think I read something about a breakup? 🙁

    All I have to say is:

    (((((((((STARLA))))))))



  196.  #196Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 9:17 am

    More life lessons:

    Timinig is important
    Just because chocolate is good more is not necessarily good. Laying it on thick can cause hurling.



  197.  #197Starla on April 6, 2012 at 9:19 am

    mmm chocolate



  198.  #198LoveAlways on April 6, 2012 at 9:22 am

    ((((((((((((Starla)))))))))))))))



  199.  #199LoveAlways on April 6, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Update on CD song and Responding to last blog

    Thank you sirens! I leaned back and did not go to see CD song last night. I took one call from him last night and that was it. I spoke my truth about feeling like just sex and he said “I make you feel that way?” and said that I treat him like a boy toy (in a joking way, but I took it seriously). He was in a good mood and so was I, but I still leaned back because I was thinking about what Dominique posted about only have sex when I want to – and I was talking to CD assertive and CDdj yesterday so I was in a nice vibe and did not feel like thinking about CD song in an intimate way. CDarmy called but I did not pick up, so I guess I owe him a call back, not sure I feel like speaking to him yet. Will do some stuff for ME for a while before I decide what to do. Also missed CD song’s call this morning, but I think I’m going to lean back for a while

    Jessie1000
    920 – I go with how I feel about the guy, and I was instantly taken by CD song 🙂 The just sex stuff would be okay if he didn’t talk about long term stuff. And he seems to be inconsistent at time. Oh well, that’s getting in his head and not focusing on me.

    Memulo
    921 – I meant that CD Song talks about long term stuff, like marriage on the table, future plans, long term stuff – and I believe him when he says them and feels he means them when he says it all, but then his actions just don’t amount up to his words. Kind of like talking his dreams and aspirations but then back to his own reality.

    Francesca
    1019 – Yes, I’m going to lean way back on this one. Thank you 🙂

    Dominique
    1031 – Thank you Dominique! I agree, he can go elsewhere if he wants to. It’s all about my choice. He’s not at the top of my menu lately when I think about it . . .



  200.  #200lk on April 6, 2012 at 9:43 am

    wheeee i sent an email to cd just now starting a fight okkkk lkkkk oof but maybe i did good & my feeling messages were non-blame-y : ))) humbug lk ! keep your hormones to yourself !!! lol



  201.  #201lk on April 6, 2012 at 9:45 am

    (((((lk)))))



  202.  #202lilybelly on April 6, 2012 at 9:46 am

    177:

    Hmmm, my guy T. Whom I haven’t heard from or seen since a week after the break-up. He’s still on the back of my horse but it’s been over two months with no contact now.

    I sure do wish him love and happiness. I think I’ll do like lk says and wave at him energetically and send him loving, happy thoughts.



  203.  #203Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 9:49 am

    Lilybelly I would not be surprised if you hear from him now that you have reached the two month mark. I imagine him really missing you now.



  204.  #204siren song on April 6, 2012 at 9:49 am

    day 5 of my challenge.

    i am feeling pretty weird that i haven’t heard a peep from my guy in 5 days…the NVs are saying ‘it’s over. he’s not going to talk to you again.’ i miss him, especially in the morning for some reason.

    but: i’ve had a bunch of breakthroughs this week about ways i’ve been abandoning myself in the relationship because i was afraid of making him angry (didn’t work). i’ve also not letting myself feel my feelings fully because i’ve been thinking so much.

    also, i really want to control him! i want him to call me. i want him to act a certain way. maybe i always want this, but i don’t admit it to myself.

    this feels scary!! yuck

    i have coffee with an old friend, a band meeting and a date with a girlfriend tonight. lots of focus on.

    xo



  205.  #205siren song on April 6, 2012 at 9:54 am

    also, it’s only 5 days! it feels so much longer for some reason.

    all sorts of NVs are coming up: is he seeing other people? is the chatting with women online?

    i can’t help these things and they are none of my business.

    he’s just a guy.

    i’m kind of laughing at myself. why do i care so much about what he might be up to? what am i ignoring in my own life? am i avoiding feelings here?



  206.  #206lilybelly on April 6, 2012 at 9:56 am

    (((siren song)))

    Nasty NV’s.



  207.  #207Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Wow so many sirens are doing the Challenge now!! I feel special for having initiate it. The Challenge Lizka! lol

    Siren song you are doing well! 5 days, wow!! I know it’s hard, but you are already learning about yourself! You gonna be so so strong! Congratulation!!!



  208.  #208siren song on April 6, 2012 at 10:05 am

    here’s a cookie, NVs



  209.  #209siren song on April 6, 2012 at 10:05 am

    yeah, lizka, the challenge is awesome. you rock



  210.  #210Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Siren Song, you just made me think about how I tend to want to control him, mostly in my thoughts, though.

    For example, I would really like him to change his eating habit.

    And I would like him to be a little more active and outdoorsy.

    But since I’m not his mom, I can’t go and tell him out loud, so I keep it to myself, so it’s in me, it’s there in my thoughts.

    I have to stop thinking that I can change him and realize that I can actually lead by example, which I kind of do already.

    I don’t want to change him, I only want what’s good for him.

    But what’s good for me is not what he wants, Francesca.

    So let it go.



  211.  #211siren song on April 6, 2012 at 10:07 am

    sit in the corner, nvs



  212.  #212Luzydel on April 6, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Abraham ~ The only relationship to focus on is between you & you
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCjsgNWVJQQ&feature=related

    If I want a man to love me, unconditionally, every part of my soul and body, then I have to love me unconditionally, every part of my soul and body. I love my solitude, the time I have for myself to take care of me and my things. Happy Friday ladies!!!



  213.  #213Starla on April 6, 2012 at 10:08 am

    how funny, i actually bought myself a cookie this morning (m&m, yum) at the breakfast deli spot, to feed to my NVs today. I’m eating it right now:)



  214.  #214lilybelly on April 6, 2012 at 10:09 am

    203:

    If he does you will hear about it. But, I am not even thinking about it.. That isn’t to say that I don’t think about him but when I do, it’s just the “hope you are doing well” thoughts and I go about my merry way..and not about whether he will or won’t contact me or sadness.

    I truly and deeply and sincerely hope he is happy and finding his way through his healing.



  215.  #215light heart on April 6, 2012 at 10:09 am

    siren song,
    yes, although it’s been said many times, many ways here…it doesn’t serve us to beat ourselves up for the NVs.

    I had all kinds of wonderings and NVs for the longest time. It’s just part of the whole thing. If you still have karma with him, stuff to learn from each other, it’s probably going to go on.

    The not knowing what is up thing is tough. I finally! feel like the ‘contract’ with my x bf is settled, so the wonderings and NVs have stopped.

    What we don’t want to do is get so obsessed and thinky with the wonderings and whip ourselves into a frenzy making up all kinds of stories with numerous subplots, making ourselves feel bad and crazy and ineffective.

    So we do right to just notice them and thank them and give them a cookie and say, I won’t shoot you, you’re not the messenger, I will feel for your message, there, there, go take a rest now.

    🙂
    light heart



  216.  #216light heart on April 6, 2012 at 10:11 am

    I meant, I won’t shoot you, NVs, you are just the messenger



  217.  #217Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 10:12 am

    RE my comment in 187 I keep asking myself if sometimes when I apologize, depending on what it is about, if I kind of unconsciously invite people to beat me up? hhmm

    I wonder what others would think about that? Especially Daria and VW…hhmm



  218.  #218lilybelly on April 6, 2012 at 10:13 am

    ((((((((FW)))))))

    I believe today is your birthday and as such, want to say that I wish you a very happy birthday and to know you are being thought of.

    xoxo



  219.  #219Starla on April 6, 2012 at 10:13 am

    the more i read his email, the more i realize how open-ended this is. how he hasn’t made up his mind. but that he needs to back off cuz he knows he’ll hurt me. blah blah

    but i, you know, always have the option of chasing him around for a while. at least, that’s the feeling i get.

    lol.



  220.  #220Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Lilybelly thank you. I feel so blessed I was about to send it back to you, but no, I receive your energy. Thanks for remembering.



  221.  #221siren song on April 6, 2012 at 10:16 am

    yeah, francesca. i judge him a lot, mostly silently. why isn’t he doing x, y and z?

    he is feeling super-angry about CDing and had a massive health scare (almost lost his arm) two weeks ago and he’s renovating his house.

    he’s in his cave with lots to think about.

    but i’m feeling pretty good out here away from the entrance to the cave.



  222.  #222siren song on April 6, 2012 at 10:16 am

    happy birthday, FW!



  223.  #223light heart on April 6, 2012 at 10:17 am

    No contact has given me such a new perspective on me, on him, on the relationship. I have totally surrendered, and feel ZERO urge to do anything, to control anything, to know anything about what he is doing, thinking or feeling. What a relief it is!! Like the biggest breath of fresh air! I feel so much more open and available to the other guys now.

    🙂
    light heart



  224.  #224Starla on April 6, 2012 at 10:22 am

    happy birthday, FW! what are you going to do today?



  225.  #225siren song on April 6, 2012 at 10:22 am

    light heart, that sounds like a good place to be.



  226.  #226Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 10:25 am

    Oh yeah!! Happy Birthday FW!! I knew it but I forgot.

    I wish you a super happy sireny day and a fun weekend.

    xoxo



  227.  #227lilybelly on April 6, 2012 at 10:26 am

    223:

    I have said it before and will say it again…

    There is great power in letting go…

    Feels good, right?



  228.  #228Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 10:30 am

    I noticed I feel a little scared about ATW calling me and inviting me out. I’m not sure I want that. Because if I see him, I might go back to the beginning of the challenge, re-live all the withdrawal symptoms, etc. Right now I feel good where I am, I am proud of me, I am not needing him… I’m not at the point where I DON’T want him back, if he comes back, I’ll be happy to take him back, but it feels scary. Like now, if he comes back, he’s better be ready to step up cause I don’t want to go back to the beginning… Arrrg ATW how I hate you right now.



  229.  #229light heart on April 6, 2012 at 10:30 am

    Oh FW, regarding apologizing, I was reading something about how an apology is a lot about making ourselves wrong, and saying “I’m sorry, but…”

    So, maybe a better effective purpose of an apology is not in making ourselves wrong, while defending our behavior, but take responsibility for the rift in the relationship that may have been caused by your action.

    You don’t say you are wrong for the behavior, but you say how you feel and accept your responsibility for what happened.

    There’s a lot of this in NVC.

    Acknowledge their feelings,
    you share your feeling or behavior responsible for the rift, and that you were affected by your behavior, too, and apologize without defending.

    🙂
    light heart



  230.  #230GivingGirl on April 6, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Happy Birthday, FW!! 🙂



  231.  #231Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Thank you ladies. It is Holy Week so tonight will be church, don’t know if there will any surprises afterwards but there is a concert date tomorrow. Already got sexyvoicesingingcd Happy Birthday first thing this morning. Just yesterday he asked if I had missed him after he pulled away for about a week. He said he deliberately did it just to check if I would miss him. He also shared that he lost a longterm friendship last week to cancer.



  232.  #232GivingGirl on April 6, 2012 at 10:38 am

    (((((lk))))))



  233.  #233T-Girl on April 6, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Happy Birthday FW! Hope your day is great!



  234.  #234Mochaberri on April 6, 2012 at 10:39 am

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY FW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  235.  #235Starla on April 6, 2012 at 10:45 am

    hmm maybe some sadness is settling in?



  236.  #236siren song on April 6, 2012 at 10:46 am

    It’s breakthrough city for me today.

    I am also noticing how i shame myself when i do overfunction (which i haven’t been doing much of, but i’m still super-judgemental of myself when i do).

    I also judge myself for him being mad at me. I can’t help what he feels. And being mad at myself about it is just beating myself up.

    I really feel like i get the ‘no beating yourself up’ thing for the first time.

    Wow



  237.  #237Starla on April 6, 2012 at 10:49 am

    yay siren song, that’s awesome:)



  238.  #238lilybelly on April 6, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Sadness is good, Starla. I know I don’t need to tell you that. I just wanted you to feel heard and know that someone is thinking about you.

    I feel sad about it, too.

    xoxo



  239.  #239Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 11:03 am

    woohoo siren song!!!



  240.  #240CurvySiren10 on April 6, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Have a wonderful birthday FW! 🙂



  241.  #241Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Hi ,

    There’s a way of being with a man that triggers his desire for lifelong love and commitment.

    Do you know what it is?

    My friend Rori Raye does, and below I’ve forwarded an article she wrote that is so good that I had to share.

    You might have already seen or heard of Rori.

    She is very likely the world’s best when it comes to showing you how to:

    ** Get back in touch with that place of Love within you that attracts the right man like a magnet

    ** Reclaim and use your powerful Feminine Energy to bring a deeply connected relationship into your life

    ** Go beyond casual “dating” with a fascinating SECRET about men and EXCLUSIVITY

    ** Reconnect deeply with the man you’re with if your relationship has grown loveless or distant

    It was from Rori’s own painful experiences that she learned the secret to helping a man fall in love and commit.

    Once she learned this secret, she set out to teach it to other women… and the quality of what she teaches and shows you is second to none.

    While I can give you the male perspective and insights into what he’s thinking and what really creates lifelong attraction…

    Rori gives you the hands on “what to do next” tips and specifics that only a woman who’s been in the situation could know.

    So I hope you find the below article valuable, and check out Rori’s programs and free newsletter. They are the perfect complement to what I teach.

    Happy Reading!

    Christian

    **************************************************

    IF YOU WANT TO INSPIRE HIS TOTAL DEVOTION, HERE’S WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW…

    In order to inspire his total devotion, you need to stop using all the wrong ways that most women think work to get love, but really just push men away. These ways prevent men from connecting with you – deeply and emotionally – so your relationships are only temporary or never happen at all.

    All they ever lead to are a buddy, a “player” or a man just “passing through” on his way to the “real” love of his life. And you need to stop taking them… right now… if you want to inspire his affection and commitment.

    WRONG WAY #1: The Logical Road (MIND)

    You shine during a discussion and you have a lot in common. You impress a man and make him enjoy your company, but you may feel disappointed to learn that he feels no CHEMISTRY.

    That’s because when you try to connect with a man through his mind, he doesn’t FEEL a thing!

    Oh, he may “enjoy being with you,” but he just never gets TOUCHED by you in a deep, connected, emotional sense.

    He never feels like he’s about to lose control of himself and fall in love.

    WRONG WAY #2: The Physical Road (BODY)

    Despite what a lot of women think, men do not become attached through sex, even if it’s fabulous. We’ve all been sold on the idea that a woman who likes sex and is “good” in bed is ALL IMPORTANT to a man.

    And it’s not. It’s just a small part of the whole picture for him.

    All it DOES give you is a “sex buddy.” Not a partner, not a boyfriend, not a husband. You’ll also end up with a broken heart because you’ll get attached and he won’t want anything “real” with you.

    WRONG WAY #3: The Spiritual Road (SPIRIT)

    I meet many women who value their spiritual beliefs and want to be with a man who shares their values, spiritual interest and commitment.

    It’s SO EASY to mistake the friendship that can grow between two people who worship in the same way and care about the same things for a passionate, emotional bond.

    And yet, all that will get you – at best – is a deep friendship. He’ll tell everyone what a great woman you are, but he won’t be dreaming about you night after night or longing to hold you in his arms.

    THE RIGHT WAY TO INSPIRE HIS DEVOTION: Connecting Through His Heart!

    In order to connect with a man’s heart so he’ll feel compelled to be with you, worship and adore you the way you deserve, you have to feel YOUR own heart first. Once he feels your heart, he’ll open up his, creating a heart-to-heart connection that begins with expressing your feelings and being your most feminine, authentic self.

    Most women buy into the lie that “men don’t like emotions.” But the truth is, a man LOVES emotions. He yearns for a woman who can help him feel his own feelings and therefore allow him to be himself. If you’re not in touch with your feelings, he won’t feel safe expressing his.

    The trick is to learn exactly HOW to express your feelings – in words that will draw a man closer in an amazing way. The usual way we express our feelings comes out sounding either stifled, inauthentic or critical to a man, and does nothing to connect with his heart.

    If you want to learn how to reach deep into a man’s heart and make him feel such intense attraction that he falls more in love with you every day, watch my Modern Siren online video program.

    Modern Siren is the quickest way to learn how to connect directly to a man’s heart. It’s my most popular program, and it’s no surprise why:

    Modern Siren cuts through all the usual advice about how to “get a man” and instead shows you how to NATURALLY compel a man to get closer to you…to the point that he craves you and can’t imagine himself with ANYONE else.

    A Modern Siren is a wonderfully, mesmerizing, alluring creature that is so attractive, men are completely willing to give up their “freedom” to be with her and only her. And Modern Sirens aren’t just a few lucky women…

    You see, you’re already a Modern Siren. You already have everything within you to be incredibly attractive to a man – so attractive that he begs YOU for a commitment. It’s just that we women have been taught the wrong ways to be attractive to men…and so we bury our inner Modern Sirens and end up feeling hopeless in love.

    Modern Siren is going to change all that for you. In this video program, I guide you to unleashing your inner Modern Siren so you can:

    >>Become a sensual, alluring creature and FEEL COMPLETELY POWERFUL to create the love life you want

    >>Rekindle a man’s PASSION FOR YOU – you’ll be amazed by how a simple shift in you can create such a dramatic, positive change in him

    >>Raise your “Degree of Difficulty” – a simple process that makes a man see you as a PRIZE HE MUST WIN

    >>Speak to a man in a whole new different way that gets him to sit up, take notice, and WORK HARD TO PLEASE YOU

    Best of all, you can practice the Tools anywhere – right from the moment you watch me on screen. Yet the men you relate to will suddenly respond to you as a magical creature they need to get close to.

    Love, Rori

    **************************************************



  242.  #242Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Lizka, Siren Song, Mochaberri, T-Girl, CurvySiren, Giving Girl, Starla, Lilybelly thank you.

    To anyone I might have missed, thank you.

    To those who are still on their way to catch up, thank you.



  243.  #243Femininewoman on April 6, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Sex to Get Something
    If you are in a relationship where you want sex and your partner doesn’t, think for a moment about WHY you want or need to have sex. See if you relate to any of these.

    I need to have sex to:

    * Feel happy.
    * Feel that I’m adequate – not a loser.
    * Feel loved and lovable.
    * Feel connected with my partner.
    * Release stress.
    * Be able to sleep.
    * Feel powerful and in control.
    * Feel safe.
    * Feel validated.
    * Feel whole.
    * Release sexual tension.
    * Get filled up inside.

    When you approach your partner from a place of wanting to get something, you are coming from a needy state. Your neediness is likely not erotic for your partner. Neediness may feel to your partner like you are a child, and that may not be at all attractive to your partner.

    Sex to Share Love, Warmth and Connection
    Wanting sex to share love comes from a completely different place inside than sex to get something.

    In order to have love and connection to share, you have to already be connected with yourself and feel filled with love. You cannot share something that you don’t already have.

    You cannot share love and connection when you feel unhappy, empty, inadequate, unlovable, disconnected from yourself, stressed or agitated, angry or needing to feel in control of your partner.

    If you and your partner are having sexual problems, you each may want to examine the system between you.

    Is there a control-resist system?

    Is there a control-compliance system?

    Is there a compliance-compliance system?

    Any of these systems may be bypassing the true sharing of love and joy that sexuality between loving, caring partners offers.

    Dr. Margaret Paul

    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/what-does-having-sex-mean-to-you/



  244.  #244Starla on April 6, 2012 at 11:21 am

    i feel so irritated… the last thing i said to him was i would be interested in talking about what he wants, and that my feelings for him are still exactly the same, and that his feelings are important to me… so if we can do this together in a way that feels better, that would be radical.

    and his response was to say that i know what i want and he knows he’s not that guy, since i’m just looking for him to lead everything ever.

    ummm but i just said???

    it’s like he is responding to some other email that I didn’t write, lol.



  245.  #245Starla on April 6, 2012 at 11:25 am

    no no he says (paraphrasing) “i THINK i now know i’m not that guy… and i keep going back and forth on if it’s what i want, so i don’t wanna drag you through the dirt anymore cuz i know you wouldn’t want to date someone who isn’t sure anyway”

    the email is all over the plaaaaace

    ack! is it okay to feel irritated and angry and someone’s refusal to operate in reality?



  246.  #246GivingGirl on April 6, 2012 at 11:27 am

    “Sometimes there’s a plan you can agree to, sometimes it’s left hanging. Learn to live with lack of closure. If you learn to accept uncertainty and the fact that not everything will always be buttoned down and handled just when you want it to be, you’ll open yourself up for some wonderful surprises.”

    This is part of my problem. I fear uncertainty. It keeps me from so many things. I don’t try new things because I’m uncertain of how things work or should be. I overanalyze when I’m uncertain. I feel stressed when I’m uncertain. I panic when I’m uncertain in relationships.



  247.  #247Starla on April 6, 2012 at 11:29 am

    ok sorry…i feel like i’m starting to be annoying.



  248.  #248lk on April 6, 2012 at 11:29 am

    (((Starla))) you’re all good – keep going : )



  249.  #249lk on April 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Happy Birthday, FeminineWoman !!!

    & thank YOU : )



  250.  #250light heart on April 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Starla, you have a free pass this weekend, have at it,
    I’m not saying anything

    🙂
    light heart



  251.  #251ulii on April 6, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Happy birthday FW!!!!

    Here a greeting-video that has been giving me party-vibes lately!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f18jPNS-i2c&feature=related



  252.  #252Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Happy Birthday, FW!!!



  253.  #253GivingGirl on April 6, 2012 at 11:36 am

    ((((Starla)))) Not annoying. It helps to work out your feelings & thoughts.



  254.  #254Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 11:39 am

    Starla, go ahead and post, I don’t think you’re annoying at all.

    Just processing things, right?



  255.  #255CurvySiren10 on April 6, 2012 at 11:43 am

    starla, you are not annoying at all. i’m in awe at how well you’re handling this. you’ve come a long way…
    keep talking!! you have every right to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. moment by moment.



  256.  #256Starla on April 6, 2012 at 11:47 am

    reply in the works:
    “I feel so sad to hear that. I was hoping we could get to the part where we find a way that feels good to both of us. i feel so confused where you got the idea we wanted different things these days, when the last thing I said was that i felt open to and excited about talking about it, but I have to accept that this is your decision
    -Starla”



  257.  #257Starla on April 6, 2012 at 11:48 am

    thank you ladies
    (((((((((blog)))))))))))))



  258.  #258Starla on April 6, 2012 at 11:49 am

    *even though we never actually got to talking about it, I have to accept that this is your decision”



  259.  #259Starla on April 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

    lol retard

    i’m going to lunch with my girl:)
    gonna put on some pretty make up and rock the town:)
    i love me



  260.  #260lk on April 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

    @Starla

    whatever you say, release the outcome : )



  261.  #261Dominique on April 6, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Francesca – #89 – There;s nothing to fix because you didn’t do anything wrong. You may not have handled this so well, but you still didn’t do anything wrong.

    He’s being cranky, out of sorts, but that’s his deal which has nothing to do with you.

    The best way to get him out of his mood and back to his normal self is to let all of this go, smile and love on yourself, take care of yourself, leaving him be until he’s ready to come out of his mood and be with you again.

    He will likely mot mention this, very typical make behavior. It’s done for him and mostly out of his head.

    It may feel weird to you not having resolution, but try going with it. You can accustom. If you think about it, what is there to resolve. You were both not at your best, and now it’s over. Time to get on with life.

    Does this help?

    xxoo



  262.  #262Dominique on April 6, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Francesca –

    This articles may help.

    http://sexandheart.com/what-does-it-mean-when-your-man-lashes-out-at-you

    I couldn’t find the one I was looking for, but it’s similar to what you are dealing with.



  263.  #263Dominique on April 6, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Everyone, there is no such thing as being too sensitive. I just wrote a two part article, two and three weeks ago, on dealing with life and love as an ultra-sensitive.

    Here’s part two:

    http://sexandheart.com/more-on-you-as-an-ultra-sensitive

    xxoo



  264.  #264lk on April 6, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    omg…

    cd responded to my email, just saying that he thinks i’m confused… & that what i was “upset” by literally did not happen.

    a) ok. i believe him. (i thought i saw that his ex had sent him more emails than he told me she had sent)

    & b) dahhhh now i feel cr8zy lol

    & c) i think it is a good reminder to keep silliness contained. particularly if i know that i am Chemically Insane x_x

    & d) welp, i still clearly have a problem, since my mind *invented* a manifestation of my anxiety !

    i want to just say, “wow….lol…. i felt a little giggly hearing that & a little embarrassed…. anyway, i didn’t really think much either way…. because i trust you & i trust you to take care of your own business…… except i guess i’m just noticing now that i really do have a little nervous-ness left over from hearing about that negative email that she sent…. & i feel really relieved just expressing to you that i’m feeling that way…. i didn’t even know that about myself : ) love you, baby : ))”



  265.  #265Daria on April 6, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    Happy Birthday FW!



  266.  #266lk on April 6, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    gahhh it was so weird of me to even bring it up !

    since…

    a) he has already offered to let me read her emails

    b) he is SO easy to talk to about how he feels hearing from her / about their relationship / etc. & always makes me feel so safe & comfortable

    c) it’s totally obvious & makes sense that he would still have her old email in his inbox since she just sent it & he hasn’t responded yet…

    BUT i can still FEEL & EXPRESS that i feel weird seeing her name in his inbox at all… not specifically this time… just in general… just like i currently feel weird seeing my ex’s name in my email inbox… which i have *not* told CD about…. so this could also be “projection ” of totally Jung-ian proportions lol….. wahhhh i want to be a grown up !!!!



  267.  #267lk on April 6, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    hi, daria !



  268.  #268Senior Lady Vibe on April 6, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    @979: Lizka

    The exclamation point was me being enthusiastic about the computer and your pay rise, joyful, nothing harsh. I bet your mother is just as pretty as you and, as you described her, lovely with a fun and kind personality. That would attract many men.

    Unfortunately that includes men who aren’t nice, such as the one you mentioned who expected “something-something” for the price of a dinner and followed up in an ugly way. Not her fault. That is so disappointing. Many of us get those. It would be a kindness just to lend a sympathetic ear.

    It did seem harsh that you wanted to “tell her” that she was “unsuccessful” and that she was the cause of it. You ASKED for suggestions and I assumed your mother also used English as you do. Perhaps someone else will be able to use the link. I suppose also any suggestion I gave would have been better received from one of your peers. There is often “mother bashing” on the blog.

    She sounds like a wonderful mother. She will have many more opportunities to attract men than I, so I’ll bow out now and go where I can be most useful…
    😉



  269.  #269Senior Lady Vibe on April 6, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Geez*s



  270.  #270lk on April 6, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    i make Dramas like tiny perfect pizza pies ! i get better & better at making them !!! i bet one day i will get so good at making Dramas that they will not even taste like Drama anymore, just the aroma of Passion will be left over : ) & the taste will be more like Commitment: )))

    i haven’t committed For Life yet ! i’m still dancing around making sure i Want That !

    i do want that. i do want lifetime partnership with my ideal partner : ))) i want love, loyalty, honesty, understanding, joy, & commitment…. i want it to be Fun ! : )))



  271.  #271lk on April 6, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    la la la

    ; )



  272.  #272Senior Lady Vibe on April 6, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    “Can You Pick a Man Who Sticks Around?”

    http://www.succulentwomenfindlove.com/



  273.  #273Daria on April 6, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    I’m feelin all sad an shaky inside today, thinking about my sister but also good like I took a babysteps forward last nite in realizing

    To my sister I think : I think: I think : I don’t wana go there to look at this but the truth is I think it looks like:

    Her husband is clearly attracted to me yet I go out my way to still spend time w him and have a close relationship w him

    He may even be in love w me and our relationship is closer than theirs and he idolizes me as the perfect woman now and her as evil to an extent.

    I ruined their relationship.

    This feels heavy for me. Whoa.

    I don’t want this to be the truth but on some level this is my truth.

    I want to heal this.

    I really want a loving safe sister and brother relationship with both my sister and her husband .

    I feel sad.

    I feel shaky and scared.

    I can feel her panic comparing to me who can compete w super loving angel Daria she is never wrong and everyone loves her.

    This feels sad but I also feel a breakthrough for being able to admit these things to myself.

    I can heal this w EFT and shift the energy of this so that it feels good for me to look at.

    As it is I feel flattered, loved, guilty ashamed obligated panicked and sad and scared and heartbroken

    I feel this shaky fear and this desperate intensity to not let this happen (let the husband move permanently away emotionally)

    I wana heal this

    I feel powerless as I’m just one in the drama

    I feel scared and sad and overwhelmed.

    I love my feelings.

    I want to heal this.

    I’m feeling pinched on my butt and inner thigh.

    I love my feelings.

    Ouch I feel like my heart is getting ripped at.

    I find myself thinking that my sister could benefit from being more like me, less lashing out .

    I feel guilty that that’s judging her.

    Maybe I’m judging myself for lashing out … Hmmm

    Not ready to go there?

    Feeling tense

    Feeling turning tummy



  274.  #274Memulo on April 6, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    FW, Happy Birthday!!! Love and happiness 😉



  275.  #275Daria on April 6, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    273: Daria says:

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    I’m feelin all sad an shaky inside today, thinking about my sister but also good like I took a babysteps forward last nite in realizing

    To my sister I think : I think: I think : I don’t wana go there to look at this but the truth is I think it looks like:

    Her husband is clearly attracted to me yet I go out my way to still spend time w him and have a close relationship w him

    He may even be in love w me and our relationship is closer than theirs and he idolizes me as the perfect woman now and her as ev*il to an extent.

    I ruined their relationship.

    This feels heavy for me. Whoa.

    I don’t want this to be the truth but on some level this is my truth.

    I want to heal this.

    I really want a loving safe sister and brother relationship with both my sister and her husband .

    I feel sad.

    I feel shaky and scared.

    I can feel her panic comparing to me who can compete w super loving angel Daria she is never wrong and everyone loves her.

    This feels sad but I also feel a breakthrough for being able to admit these things to myself.

    I can heal this w EFT and shift the energy of this so that it feels good for me to look at.

    As it is I feel flattered, loved, guilty ashamed obligated panicked and sad and scared and heartbroken

    I feel this shaky fear and this desperate intensity to not let this happen (let the husband move permanently away emotionally)

    I wana heal this

    I feel powerless as I’m just one in the drama

    I feel scared and sad and overwhelmed.

    I love my feelings.

    I want to heal this.

    I’m feeling pinched on my butt and inner thigh.

    I love my feelings.

    Ouch I feel like my heart is getting ripped at.

    I find myself thinking that my sister could benefit from being more like me, less lashing out .

    I feel guilty that that’s judging her.

    Maybe I’m judging myself for lashing out … Hmmm

    Not ready to go there?

    Feeling tense

    Feeling turning tummy

    Friday, 6 April 2012 @ 1:01pm

    I feel scared of her too like imaging her deciding to come to my house w drama. Lucky she doesn’t know just where I live. Scare of her out of control possible violence destructiveness.

    She should be more like me too and drop all that and focus on being Buddha and gentle.

    Maybe in judging my own violence and intimidation and destructiveness…

    Feelin all churned up



  276.  #276lk on April 6, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    @SLV 272

    cd saw me crack my neck after we’d been dating for a couple months & he said, “don’t do that. i’ll have to push your wheelchair around & wipe your bum when you’re paralyzed, baby” & i thought it was the most romantic thing ever lol



  277.  #277Starla on April 6, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    that was a nice lunch:)



  278.  #278Starla on April 6, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    i am starting to feel sad, but no more so than when he wasn’t coming around anyway:P



  279.  #279lk on April 6, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    (((((STARLA)))))



  280.  #280Memulo on April 6, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    (((((Starla)))))

    SmartCD told me yesterday: you know, you ever initiate a contact. If I initiate, you reply, but the only way for me to hear from you is to initiate. And if I am busy or tired or frustrated I don’t want to initiate being in this mood. So we just don’t talk. But hearing from you would have made me feel better and share more of my real life with you.

    I feel like surprising him once in a while from now on.



  281.  #281Senior Lady Vibe on April 6, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    The question of the day:

    “***, Will Your Man Love You in Your Ugly Hair Rollers?”

    Hmm, I don’t know. I haven’t worn hair rollers in decades? Once that year.

    Maybe I’ll take up hair rolling. I’ve seen some interesting ones lately but they reminded me of those old cartoons where “the lady of the house” was in bed with big poky things on her head.

    How can anyone sleep like that? Does anyone know?

    Should that be a compatibility test?

    “Sweetie, will you love me with hair rollers? a “sleep bonnet?” Egads…



  282.  #282Orna Walters on April 6, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Hi Ladies,

    I am thrilled to share that I am the featured Inspirational Luminary on http://www.InspireMeToday.com TODAY (Friday, April 6th).

    It would mean so much to me if you would visit the site today, comment, and share the link. I’m so honored to be included with such esteemed luminaries as Sir Richard Branson, Guy Laliberte, Seth Godin, Neale Donald Walsch, Marci Shimoff, and hundreds more.

    This free website is one to bookmark. They share daily inspiration and I feel so blessed to have been chosen to share my 500 words of ‘brilliance.’ I worked hard on this piece to say what I wanted in only 500 words.

    Together we really can inspire the world. I thank you in advance for visiting and spreading the love. <3

    Love and Abundance,
    Orna



  283.  #283Daria on April 6, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Hi LK



  284.  #284Senior Lady Vibe on April 6, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    One of my little life lessons:

    What my father might say:

    “Let… the… man… breathe…!…”

    OK.



  285.  #285Daria on April 6, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    I’ve felt twice lately this pressure in my temples from feeling emotional. Last nite was in my left right now in my right.

    It felt scary I felt scared an artery would pop.

    ((((Daria))))

    I don’t want to be 30 having a stroke, or any age having a stroke I love me I feel scared, I miss my grandfather, I’m feeling all stirred up w lots of anxiety too

    U feel so frustrated that my EFT lady went Mia for two years maybe she passed away can’t tell with online ppl hmmm.

    But damn she was good and hot my problems heal’ed an shifted for free more than other eft ppl paid

    Am now I feel tense hearing my parents a lil an I’m feeling anxious

    Anxious an scare an jumpy an tired emotionally an Umph



  286.  #286Senior Lady Vibe on April 6, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    @270: lk

    I like mine heavy on the oregano, light on the cayenne.



  287.  #287Daria on April 6, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    New moon am I ovulated last nite thanks body we so on schedule right now we feelin siconbected I know we smoked more than felt actually comfortable last nite

    ((((us))))



  288.  #288LoveAlways on April 6, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Happy Birthday FW!!!!!!!!!



  289.  #289Memulo on April 6, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    And also he is wonderful and we had an amazing date and I feel that maybe he is falling for me!!

    I told him at some point that I feel like sharing something.. and said that I was feeling sad that we weren’t in touch the whole weekend (he said Sorry! immediately) and then I logged in to the dating site first time after 2 months and suddenly saw him there. And the next day I logged in again and saw him again. So I felt a little angry and became a paid member. He interrupted me that he hasn’t been talking to anyone else at all and has a few devices that he can access the site from, including the iphone. That he hasn’t figured out how it works, but he thinks that he is constantly logged in. And then he asked: so will you be talking to men now? I said I hope not, I don’t want to. he asked: you want me to delete my profile? I said no, I don’t want to tell you what to do. I believe that everyone should feel free to do what they want, but I’d like to know what’s happening, it will help me to make the right decisions for myself. He said nothing is happening!! And I said ok, thank you.



  290.  #290Senior Lady Vibe on April 6, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    @275: lk says:
    “@SLV 272
    cd saw me crack my neck after we’d been dating for a couple months & he said, “don’t do that. i’ll have to push your wheelchair around & wipe your bum when you’re paralyzed, baby” & i thought it was the most romantic thing ever lol…”

    That would be romantic. My Sweetie and I will take care of each other and I want every day to be a little romantic date, whatever it is… making coffee, folding laundry, riding our bikes, buying toothpaste…
    😀

    Dunno about the hair rollers though… LOL 😆



  291.  #291Memulo on April 6, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    LoveAlways,

    Maybe to give him time and not make big decisions based on one or two occurrences of what you think ‘only interested in s-x behavior’? To look at the big picture, esp since he expresses that he wants more with you? Maybe to trust him and wait for more evidence both ways?



  292.  #292Senior Lady Vibe on April 6, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Have you checked your blood pressure recently? Some pharmacies like Rite Aid have free self-service monitor. Go right over to the pharmacy area and check out your BP. Might make you feel better to know. You could even check everyday.

    My number is not so hot at the moment… 😥



  293.  #293Daria on April 6, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    Full moon last nite



  294.  #294Starla on April 6, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    full moon and my period never came with the new moon. Now pretty late. Took a pregnancy test but negative.



  295.  #295Daria on April 6, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    SLV if you take Aplle cider vinegar ‘shots’ mixed in water before meals for a month that will drop your blood pressure (and waist fat) nicely.



  296.  #296Senior Lady Vibe on April 6, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    “When He Drills You With Questions…”
    Cherry Norris two minute online video:

    “…Oh, not…not “the interrogation!”

    http://cherrynorris.com/when-he-drills-you-with-questions/

    😀



  297.  #297Daria on April 6, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Starla I did some belief ebergy work sitting alone in my car Saturday nite looking at the moon an Zoink!!! Linked w the moon. I feel confident my body an I are I the same page w it now I FELT the moon



  298.  #298Starla on April 6, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    that’s really interesting, Daria.

    I kind of had a feeling that my period would come since CF sent that letter, like maybe my body could release what it was holding on to now? but nothing yet.



  299.  #299Senior Lady Vibe on April 6, 2012 at 1:48 pm


  300.  #300Starla on April 6, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    getting asked out for the weekend

    any reason i shouldn’t accept?



  301.  #301Senior Lady Vibe on April 6, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    @295: Daria says:
    “…SLV if you take Aplle cider vinegar ‘shots’ mixed in water before meals for a month that will drop your blood pressure (and waist fat) nicely.”

    Thanks. Dr. Oz also mentioned this recently to help prevent insulin spikes.. Hmm, means I better go try it…



  302.  #302Daria on April 6, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Starla – acv baths a few days in a row have brought mine on and ‘decongested” my body when I felt sluggish on my period. I kno u kno just reminding you and me too.

    I am due for one.

    Right now I’m creating in my mind a concoction of oils and herbs to help heal my moms knee. Castor oil penetrates deep and I also like the penetration help from getting Emu oil from skin biology on Top of something.

    I. Thinking to infuse castor oil w cayenne (that really helps penetration). And a couple healing herbs like arnica and comfrey. Then after having that absorbed under a hot oil pack – that’s the part I’m having trouble imaging sigh – I know it’s standard for ppl to make a hot pack bud we don’t have electric blankets and I’m a bit confused on how I’d keep something warm over her knee…

    Keep on tossing tags on the drier or microwave?

    Then emu oil on tip of the oil after its been absorbed.

    Sigh thanks Daria for writing that.

    And that was related to baths and periods Because…. I wanted to do something w castor oil? For my tummy and releasing the period?

    Hmm I feel all scared forgetting stuff

    Very triggering



  303.  #303siren song on April 6, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    My NVs are quiet now! Yay



  304.  #304Starla on April 6, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    yay siren song



  305.  #305Starla on April 6, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    omg this dude just said actually he’s booked this weekend but maybe next weekend

    lol

    um ok? diva man



  306.  #306Brenda on April 6, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    SLV,

    RE: #299 – Sounds like fun! I love people watching, and people watching at a bridal store could be two times the fun! Maybe we’d even see some bridezillas, LOL!



  307.  #307Starla on April 6, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    him: send me another pic of you

    me: no.

    lol



  308.  #308Daria on April 6, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    Oh yeah! Cuz I want an acv bath cuz I still feel the invisible microscopic fleas on me and I’m sure they’re in my sheets now. Acv baths get them off but they jump back on.

    So I want to make myself an oil w Neroli in it – ie orange blossoms – doesn’t that found yum! Cuz I know bugs don’t like citrus (neither do cats or rodents I think on the rodents)

    Yeah and I want to put the neroli in Emu oil which is coming my way in the mail.

    I don’t have any neroli though. I do have some lavender or sone grapefruit and I bet both of those will also work.

    High 5 me.

    I will put this on and get it in my ears and nose where some of the invisible fleas are w a q tip.

    Then if I put this on after bath I’m hoping they will no longer jump on me and I’ll be washing all my laundry w shots of white vinegar till there no prob.

    Even tho I pick up the fleas at girls house and of friends house so right after their house I might just immediately vinegar rinse those clothes, bathe and oil myself and maybe create a light water citrus spray for my leathe jacket



  309.  #309Dominique on April 6, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Feminiewoman – Wishing you Happy! Happy!! Happy!!!

    xxoo

    Sending love



  310.  #310Sun Goddess on April 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    I’m feeling excited to meet a potential cd tonight. My day with LP went okay, but there were things that we’re said (and not said) that make me want to shut down. Not sure what’s going to happen….I will remain warm and open until I decide for sure.



  311.  #311Brenda on April 6, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    SLV,

    RE: #296 – I didn’t get anything out of that video. I just don’t like being interrogated by men. It’s not a very creative, romantic way to get to know a woman. It feels too clinical.



  312.  #312lk on April 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    ooh sent my response : )

    we’ll see how this email thing went for us when i get home today lol : ))) love you, baby : ) & thank you for hearing me & for speaking gently in response… (((cd)))



  313.  #313Daria on April 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    Brenda – I did. I think the idea is to reframe it.

    Instead of judging him for the approach, appreciate that he’s wanting to get to know you.

    Once in the appreciative mode, everything will already start shifting to feel better and connecting will feel easier.

    Then, personally, I may experiment w a Roriesque… Giggle… I feel good to have ur interest… And a lil but unconfortable like I’m on an interview hehe what do you think?

    ****

    But that comes out way diff vibe if I haven’t made the shift to appreciation first! Remember we’re to assume we’re being loved and the man intends to love us, waterwheel towards us no matter what.



  314.  #314Brenda on April 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    {{{FeminineWoman}}},

    Happy Birthday!

    I hereby award you the most present, helpful Siren of the year! Thank you so much for all you have given into my life!

    Love, Brenda



  315.  #315Brenda on April 6, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Daria (& SLV),

    RE: #313 – Perfect response, attitude, and feeling message! Yes, that is what Cherry Norris is trying to say. But I understood it better coming from you. I can do that, and I appreciate your attitude. Thanks!



  316.  #316Starla on April 6, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    hmm there’s that sadness again
    loneliness



  317.  #317Brenda on April 6, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    I feel manipulated by Kenny again, just as I was really starting to let him back in. I have barely tried in our friendship for about 2-3 years, having given up on having smooth communication void of swearing, yelling, and trying to convince me against my will.

    Lately he has been feeling more like family, even tho I am not romantically interested in him. I wrote him two long letters back to back for the first time in a long time, where I was once again trying to work on our friendship.

    Even tho he said he felt deeply touched by my letters, instead of bonding closer with me, he went right back into trying to convince me against my will to do immoral things. As if that weren’t a big enough turn-off, he “ended” our friendship…for the 600th or 700th time. I’ve long since lost count.

    He used to “end” our relationship as a means of controlling and manipulating me, until I got wise to it and realized he didn’t really mean it. I find it half-laughable and half-disgusting that after 12 years, he still thinks that old, tired trick will work.

    He took a half hour to end it, trying to make me feel bad, like I’m a bad girl who should be guilty for not doing the will of Kenny. Each time he said he was ending it and he would check on me in a week or two, I said nonchalantly, “Okay, have a nice life.”

    I feel more angry than hurt, because I know he doesn’t mean it. I find it a major turnoff. He uses the power of loss to try to manipulate and control me. And I think I am more angry at myself that I just keep letting him put me thru this cycle, since I can’t seem to find the strength to completely end it.

    How can I find the strength to REALLY end it? Just when I was starting to warm up to him again, he messed it up all over again.



  318.  #318Starla on April 6, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    i’m gonna send a reply as i’m leaving the office today. here’s what i have:

    “I feel so sad to hear that. I was hoping we could get to the part where we find a way that feels good to both of us. I feel so confused where you got the idea we wanted different things these days when the very last thing I said was that I felt open to and excited about talking about it, but even though we never actually got to even talking about it, I guess I have to accept that this is your decision.
    -Starla”

    thoughts?



  319.  #319Memulo on April 6, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    Starla would you feel comfortable saying that you love him and felt excited about don’t know being with him, as opposed to talking more?



  320.  #320Lucy on April 6, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Starla… Brenda… sorry to hear about CF and Kenny… 🙁

    I don’t know for sure what is going on for me… Looks like we may be breaking up…. I don’t know… Sad…. 🙁



  321.  #321Starla on April 6, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    Memulo, I got lost in your comment, maybe a word is missing, halp!! hehe



  322.  #322Brenda on April 6, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    Starla,

    RE: #318 – If I heard what you wrote, i would hear closure. If I were in your situation, I would say something like this:

    CF, I feel so sad to hear that. I was hoping we could get to the part where we find a way that feels good to both of us. I feel so confused, because the very last thing I said was that I felt open to and excited about talking about it. From where I sit, I don’t think we do want different things.

    I feel very open to discuss things, and it would feel so good to put forth the effort to get on the same page with you, because I care for you deeply and really don’t want to see it end. How can we fix this?
    -Starla”



  323.  #323Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    Dominique @261&262

    Dominique, thank you so much.

    Yes, it does help.

    It’s reassuring to think that I didn’t really do anything wrong, except maybe overfunction a little bit.

    However, not knowing what will happen next is gnawing at me and I feel an emptiness in my belly. I felt it all day long.

    Sometimes I get teary eyes but have to stop myself since I have to deal with customers here.

    I don’t want them to see my red eyes.

    Thank you for the article also, I will read it for sure when I have a little more time.



  324.  #324Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    Dominique, thank you so much for the article @263 also\

    You’re a sweetheart! 🙂



  325.  #325Starla on April 6, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Brenda, he dumped me….



  326.  #326Jesaynt on April 6, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    First things first, I am a guy (lol), a straight one at that. I don’t remember what lead me here, if it was by accident or just curiosity. I started to read the original post and then the comments and started to pick up on a lot of concerns and issues that I thought maybe I’d share some wisdom on.

    Not really how to start but I’ll give it a go (I think I’ve rewrote this next paragraph too many times already).

    First things first, you got to have confidence too. It’s not just girls that look for confidence in guys, it goes both ways. We want to know you’re at least pretty secure with yourself if not your interest in us. Even then, not all guys are the gushing romantic type and be careful in not mistaking wanting his interest for wanting the guy to validate you.

    From what I read, in between the lines mind you, is that he was pretty interested in Bethany, not going to say in love necessarily but that could certainly happen if things aren’t rushed and she becomes a little more proactive. Keep in mind ladies, stereotypically guys are taught (and sometimes it’s just natural) to not show emotion. There are reasons for this, some good, some bad, but it might take some time and coaxing before some guys are willing to take down that barrier and show you what’s inside – even the toughest most seemingly confident guy has insecurities, and you know what, as a guy I’d have to say that dudes who come off as being the most confident probably have the most insecurities of all… it’s simply how good of an act we can muster, we’re still human after all.

    I agree with Rory, Bethany needs to face her fears, tackle her troubling thoughts, and build that confidence. It will only help her in the long run.

    And if there’s one single piece of advice I can give to anyone seeking a meaningful and rewarding relationship, it’s this: value yourself and have patience.



  327.  #327Memulo on April 6, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Starla would you feel comfortable saying that you love him and felt excited about being with him, as opposed to talking more?



  328.  #328Starla on April 6, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    we’ve never said i love you before…i doubt this is a good time to drop the L bomb, lol



  329.  #329Memulo on April 6, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    You don’t have to respond today. or tomorrow. Or this week. there is no urgency.

    I think I would wait and respond with love. But you should do what feels right for you.

    One thing is that he knows you wanted to talk more and he is running away from this, not sure why. So I’d prob come from the place of love and let him see what he is missing.



  330.  #330Memulo on April 6, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    I am a slow one to respond. I wouldnt write 5 times in response to something like this, I’d write zero to 1 times. I’d like to let is sit with me and use my one time 100%. But you should do what feels right to you



  331.  #331Starla on April 6, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    memulo, this will be my 1 time responding. then i move on with my life:)



  332.  #332Starla on April 6, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    i have a history of not accepting it when guys break up with me. we always get back together, because they’re full of it, but it somehow hurts things as a whole when i engage in this behavior.

    plus breaking up w me is a crappy way of getting my attention. it’s like, grow up dude. i’m not going to go through that.



  333.  #333lilybelle on April 6, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    Oh Lucy, sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch.

    Bug hugs!



  334.  #334Starla on April 6, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    i did put “excited” in italics, but i don’t know how to make italics here.



  335.  #335kdr on April 6, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    Starla,

    Your story has been so interesting to read. I think, partly, because your guy reminds me of one or two men I have dated.

    CF sounds to me very “feminine energy” in a way; seems like he wants/needs to be pursued. You wrote that he is very smart and so I have to believe that he knows, on some level, that he is putting words in your mouth. It seems as if he wants you to respond “No! That isn’t what I said! I want you!!” and then he can reply, again ignoring what you actually wrote, and write again about how you are looking for someone to always lead. He will then wait for your next email that he expects to be even stronger, pursuing him. These men can be “crazy makers”. You start to feel like you’re in the twilight zone.

    As far as your response to him, you’ve already told him those things, at least 3 or 4 times, haven’t you?

    By the way, your line in #173 “Caruso from CSI called and he wants his schtick back” was hilarious and brilliant! Can’t wait to steal it 🙂



  336.  #336Memulo on April 6, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    I did not say not to accept. I meant to send him away with love, no questions asked about the reasons



  337.  #337Starla on April 6, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    kdr, i feel the same way! i feel like it’s a big game to get me to pursue harder.

    i invented this game. and i left it behind me when i started seeing a therapist, thankyouverymuch lol



  338.  #338Memulo on April 6, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    What if tomorrow you don’t feel like writing anything?



  339.  #339Memulo on April 6, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    When someone is hurting me, even nicely, I don’t believe the best is giving them my attention right away, reply ‘and get it over with’. I let it sink. But only talking about my patterns, what works for me. You may not feel this way.

    Sorry I’m so brief, I need to run and will be back here in 2-3 hours prob.



  340.  #340Lucy on April 6, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    Starla, maybe it’s not a game – maybe he is just confused, like I am with my guy. I sorta broke up with him because I felt bad about how he treated me a few times, but I don’t really want it to be over. So I’m not playing a game, I’m just hurting and confused. Maybe CF isn’t intending to play a game either. What do you think?



  341.  #341Brenda on April 6, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    {{{Lucy}}},

    RE: #20 – Sad to hear that.

    I just ended it with Kenny. He called back and I told him he has ended our friendship for the last time. I just don’t even care.



  342.  #342Lucy on April 6, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    Lilybelle, thank you. <3



  343.  #343Lucy on April 6, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Brenda, thank you. <3



  344.  #344Brenda on April 6, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Starla,

    My experience with men is that when I say one negative thing in an ocean of good things, he tends to think it is an ocean of bad things. He magnifies it in his mind and heart.

    I have found when I try to let him know this is just a bump in the road, he seems quicker to get over it with me and continue down the road with me.



  345.  #345Starla on April 6, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    aw lucy, hugs to you



  346.  #346kdr on April 6, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Starla,

    It may not even be a game to him. He may be fumbling about just trying to get his needs met. Unfortunately, his needs would be better served with therapy. OK, maybe that was a bit harsh. I have just been so frustrated by men who need to be pursued no matter how open and warm and loving I am when they do show up.

    I remember telling a friend of mine that the reason a particular relationship of mine didn’t work out was because “we both wanted to be the girl”.



  347.  #347Starla on April 6, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    kdr, he really should be in therapy. he’s had so many break downs with me over no one loving him, caring for him, etc.

    all i’ve been doing is showing him care but he wants to pretend like i haven’t so he can be a sad panda all day long. it’s lame



  348.  #348Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    Lucy, I’m sorry to hear that too.

    (((Lucy)))

    Breaking up is in the air these days, it seems.



  349.  #349Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    (((Daria)))



  350.  #350Starla on April 6, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    lucy 339
    i’m not sure what to think. i guess i think if he is just confused and hurt he should have said so. instead he dropped the breakup bomb. it kind of leaves me powerless to do much. i’m not a masochist.



  351.  #351Daria on April 6, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    Starla – i wouldn’t write that (tweaks in a sec) .

    Also, I noticed you really holding on to this “he dumped me” thing. Like you really want that to be the reality… whatsup with that? taht feels intriguing and concerneing and like there’s stuff under the surface there that has a LOT to do with the way the current situation is playing out too

    because as a single woman you don’t get dumped. So you insisting – i say insisiting cuz ive read that so many times – taht that is your truth feels uncomfortable to say the least.

    For example, for me, even though Security man didn’t come back to me I never have thoughts of “he dumped me” or even feel a pull to frame my situation that way. Even though one easily could.

    So that feels disturbing to me, like something in your pattern really wants that to be the reality

    Cuz reality is there is no such thing as dumping in this dating world.

    He said he’s withdrawing his intent to court you… ok

    but taht can be seen so many ways other than ‘he dumped me’..

    such as “he freaked out” … or “he got scared” or… etc…

    I think the “he dumped me view is both disconnecting as far as you and him and not helpful as far as self esteem”

    I would really like to see that healed and reframed.

    And i feel uncomfortable – sigh – i dont want my words to come out judgmenetal and crappy and provoke defense responses as Ive seen them do with other sirens and as I fear might happen here.

    i really just think you’ll be setting urself up on a better foot for yourself and interactions with men by dropping the ‘im being dumped” belief .

    ****

    OK now that being said…

    “I feel so confused where you got the idea we wanted different things “OK THIS PART STARTS TO FEEL BAD NOW AND LIKE EXPLAINING MAKING HIM WRONG AND PUSHING HIM AWAY-

    and i know its not meant that way and yet my internal reaction is bracing and resisting reading it. I imagine it will shut a man down.

    these days when the very last thing I said was that I felt open to and excited about talking about it, but even though we never actually got to even talking about it, I guess I have to accept that this is your decision.
    -Starla”

    How about just the first part like

    “omgosh this feels terrible. I don’t want to lose you. I’d feel so good to work this out. I’m feeling panicked. what do you think?”

    In case his response is not so positive : “well its not gonna work cuz we want different things”

    woman response: “ok. I dont want to be with a guy who’s not sure about me, that feels bad. I really really like you, I adore you actaully. and it would feel great to reconnect when you feel sure. I feel heartbroken and I will miss you so much ” Starla



  352.  #352Starla on April 6, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    Added something in, in ** **

    ““I feel so sad to hear that. **I just adore you.** I was hoping we could get to the part where we find a way that feels good to both of us. I feel so confused where you got the idea we wanted different things these days when the very last thing I said was that I felt open to and excited about talking about it, but even though we never actually got to even talking about it, I guess I have to accept that this is your decision.
    -Starla”



  353.  #353Daria on April 6, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    or how about the first message being

    “omgosh this feels so terrible… I really really like you and it would feel so good to work things out right now! and i dont want to be with a man whos not 100% sure im the woman for him. So im just gonna love on me and take care of myself – im feeling crushed… Itd feel great to hear from you when you’re sure about me. I adore you. I miss you ” Starla



  354.  #354Daria on April 6, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Thanks Francesca. ((((Francesca))))



  355.  #355Starla on April 6, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Wow Daria, I feel shocked that this is your recommendation! It feels like begging to me.

    Also, your words don’t offend me at allllll

    That’s interesting about the dumped thing. I guess I feel like I’ve gotten dumped a lot in the last year or so by past guys, so i don’t see how this one is any different. It’s definitely a break up letter. Like “we’re done”

    and i know i’m “single” but seriously we have been dating for 9 months and spending time with his family and all that stuff and spending holidays together, etc. etc. …it’s not so black and white. if we stop spending time together at this point, it’s a break up.

    no matter how he dresses it up with old fashioned terminology



  356.  #356Starla on April 6, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Daria, he actually said “i’m sure you don’t want to be with a man who isn’t sure of you”

    so i feel a little funny saying it.



  357.  #357Brenda on April 6, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Starla,

    Here is yet another approach:

    How about a simple phone call, saying, “Hey CF, I feel confused. It would feel so good to be sure we are on the same page. Can we talk about this?”

    Or something like that to discuss it face to face.



  358.  #358Daria on April 6, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    or maybe even leave out “it would feel so good to work things out right now! since its ‘leading'”

    maybe even “i dont want to NOT see you any more and give up my dream of us being together” And i dont want to nto be with a man whos not 100$ sure about me… etc



  359.  #359Starla on April 6, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Daria, I really really value your input

    maybe it would be a good idea for me to email you his letter?

    what do you think? just let me know



  360.  #360Daria on April 6, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Starla – to me he’s not dressing it up in terminology. to me you’re dressing it up in terminology as “im dumped” . Whcih wording/perspective i think would onlhy hurt me personaly.

    I feel glad i don’t do this to myself. Or maybe i do and thatts hwy it triggers me?

    etiehr way itd feel great to have that perspective disappear… *waves wand*



  361.  #361Daria on April 6, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    even when Mel divorced i didnt really see her saying “im being dumped”



  362.  #362Brenda on April 6, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    Starla,

    I like Daria’s FM, except I think it would be better said i person.

    CF has emotional damage, and so anything he is saying that is imperfect is not personal. I don’t see what she is saying as begging. I see it as speaking to his heart, which is apparently misunderstanding your heart.



  363.  #363Daria on April 6, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    sure Starla shoot it over.

    Thank you for valuing my input.

    sorry again if i come off as a “youre wrong” pushy bully



  364.  #364Starla on April 6, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    aw daria you’re right
    it’s that both my parents dumped me and then every person i ever trusted (men in romantic situations) following that all ‘dumped’ me too. the only one who wouldn’t break up with me first would hit me and tell me to kill myself.

    ohhh ((((((((starla)))))))))



  365.  #365GivingGirl on April 6, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Starla,

    Maybe his reaction is a defense mechanism at play?

    I think this sentence needs reframing.

    “I feel so confused where you got the idea we wanted different things these days when the very last thing I said was that I felt open to and excited about talking about it, but even though we never actually got to even talking about it, I guess I have to accept that this is your decision.”

    Maybe, “I feel so confused. I thought we wanted the same things. I felt open to and excited to talk about it. What do you think?”



  366.  #366Daria on April 6, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Starla – begging would be : “please don’t leave, i’ll do anything you want even give up my boundaries”

    not : “i adore you and i feel crushed. im gonna take care of myself until you’re sure about me. I miss u so much”



  367.  #367Starla on April 6, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    you’re not coming off as a bully at all. it feels comforting and i feel all safe and cared for that you even worry about that right now:)

    which email? mgmw?



  368.  #368Daria on April 6, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    even they didn’t *dump* you starla.

    I wish you were open to EFT style energy work .. if so i would give u my 5 second script to tap on shifting that belief instantaneously

    they were doing the best they could at the time. you were too. we all are all the time.

    (((Starla)))



  369.  #369Starla on April 6, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    i don’t feel crushed. i feel suspicious and irritated. maybe i will feel crushed tomorrow?



  370.  #370Daria on April 6, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    mm yeah mgmw works sure 🙂

    yeah i feel very shaky and sad in this ‘mode’ im in.

    it’s very easy for me to accidentaly offend ppl in this mode



  371.  #371Daria on April 6, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    in the past it has been common that i offend ppl when in this mode



  372.  #372lilybelly on April 6, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Awww Daria… this feels so good to read…and a wonderful, beautiful, loving gentle reminder…

    “they were doing the best they could at the time. you were too. we all are all the time.”



  373.  #373Starla on April 6, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    i am open to eft stuff, i’m just lazy. 😀
    that’s also why i never stretch my body and other good things. laziness. and feeling like i have no time, which is totally on me as a perception thing.



  374.  #374Sassy on April 6, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Happy Birthday FW, remember, we ain’t gettin older, we gettin better!!!!

    Much love



  375.  #375Daria on April 6, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    personallyh i think authentic communication works fine directly over email, text, phone, or in person

    i did not get that in person is better in any way

    i repeatedly feel surprised ntoicing sirens adviisng to wait to say it in person

    that is not in any Rori program and does not really ‘work’ in my experience

    its fine to choose the timing when he’s not busy…

    but i find FM’s magically effective no matter what medium



  376.  #376Sassy on April 6, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Happy Birthday FW, remember, we ain’t gettin older, we gettin better!!!!

    Much love



  377.  #377sophie on April 6, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Daria – and others you were really great with helping me the other day I need more…I didn’t realise i was in a toxic relationship til it was too late – i cd’d at the beginning and he did all the stepping up then we became exclusive, then it fell apart to the point that now he’s telling me how unstable I am etc etc in between telling me he wants me back – seriously as a dater or as a single woman I seem to attract a lot of men and am able to keep the vibe but as soon as a deeper level of intimacy begins to present itself…- I am now terrified that i’m going to keep obliviously walking into this over and over again – i really really thought he was different! there were no signs that this was going to be the case 🙁 What baby steps do I take to a)disentangle myself it has become a powerful toxic force and b) have faith that I can trust myself again cos I did not see it coming!

    I’m sorry to be a downer – tough love please (or just love?) 🙂 xxx



  378.  #378sophie on April 6, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Daria – and others you were really great with helping me the other day I need more…I didn’t realise i was in a toxic relationship til it was too late – i cd’d at the beginning and he did all the stepping up then we became exclusive, then it fell apart to the point that now he’s telling me how unstable I am etc etc in between telling me he wants me back – seriously as a dater or as a single woman I seem to attract a lot of men and am able to keep the vibe but as soon as a deeper level of intimacy begins to present itself…- I am now terrified that i’m going to keep obliviously walking into this over and over again – i really really thought he was different! there were no signs that this was going to be the case 🙁 What baby steps do I take to a)disentangle myself it has become a powerful toxic force and b) have faith that I can trust myself again cos I did not see it coming!

    I’m sorry to be a downer – tough love please (or just love?) 🙂 xxx



  379.  #379kdr on April 6, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    Starla,

    Knowing him as you do, what do you think is up with this sentence “regretfully withdraw my intent to court you.” First of all, is this how he usually speaks? It sounds stilted and as if he spent 45 minutes crafting it. Do you think he is implying that he is open to YOU courting HIM?

    I am certain my personal (unpleasant) experience is coloring my opinion (what a shocker! 🙂 ) but I would do the thing he would least expect. Which sounds like it would be, in this case, for you do ‘nothing’. He told you he didn’t want to see you anymore. Isn’t the ball in his court to reach out to you? Aren’t we supposed to listen to what our men say and BELIEVE them?

    -sigh- this relationship stuff isn’t for wimps, is it?



  380.  #380Daria on April 6, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    sophie – first off (((sophie)))

    yes there are no signs at first and even the nice ones turn toxic as we work on our patterns

    good news: YES YOU CAN STILL TRUST YOURSELF! just choose to!

    the more experience you have, the less toxic they get and the more you will believe you can trust yourself (after choosing to do so even without believing it fully)

    DONT GET EXCLUSIVE

    expect lots of first dates and nothing more

    expect that men will show up toxic ones and you will get to practice saying NO

    expect that men will show up who feel boring to you and that you will get to practice saying YES to their advances

    expect that either of the men will morph into the other

    and…

    STAY OPEN!

    eventually you will be trusting yourself, only surrounded by ones that consistently make you feel good

    and trusting yourself to choose one of the ones who proposes to you and KNOW that you feel as safe as you can to commit to this for life!

    this WILL happen! and it WILL feel powerful. and it WILL feel good!



  381.  #381Daria on April 6, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    Here is my EFT script for shifting a belief instantaneously. I feel curious if it works for any other women:

    starting on any point:

    * They said [insert belief: that I keep getting dumped by people in my life]

    notes: they’ dont have to actually have said it. maybe they implied it with their energy. i dont have to rememeber or know who they are. this wording covers all that

    * And i believed it

    * I fell for that belief hook , line, and sinker

    (imagine self being caught on a hook and realed in, or imagine sinker sinking)

    * And its not true!!!

    (use a lil emphasis here like surprise!!!)

    * I give myself permission to shift this belief now

    and now – be surprised – like open to see what new perspective you have…

    AND I DO HAVE A NEW PERSPECTIVE EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!!

    ta dah!!!

    also sometimes when i feel the intuition i add

    * And I allow my body to gently and comfortably release any energies from my tissues that conflict with my new beliefs

    * And i give my body, my energy system, and subconscious mind permission to align with my new beliefs

    (sometimes i notice shifts in my body, or other symptosms that energy is moving… alloow the shifts!)



  382.  #382Daria on April 6, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Thanks lilybelly 🙂



  383.  #383Daria on April 6, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Ps – this script is inspired by my experience with Erika Awakening videos. Some of the wording i got directly from her!



  384.  #384Sun Goddess on April 6, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    I just tried on a third outfit…can’t decide what to wear for this cdate. This is fun getting ready though! 🙂



  385.  #385sophie on April 6, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Daria I love the way you so passionately help to spur me on … the thing is i went toxic too and then its hardto believe in myself and that I will ever have healthy ways of relating and man! I’d forgotten how much (if we let them) some men can grind us down – how many things he has said to me everything bad about myself and how no man will ever be able to deal with me 🙁 nvs x 1000 ok some riffing: i want a man who is reliable and consistent so that I feel safe and secure when a man is not reliable and consistent i feel unsafe and frightened and i act in anger to try to protect myself yay to the toxic man for helping me to realise this :)…just a beginning xx



  386.  #386Daria on April 6, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    ((sophie)) you’re doing fantastic 🙂 and you’re helping me feel really good about myself and the way im communicating 🙂 thank you!



  387.  #387blue rose on April 6, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    light heart:

    i want to tell you that i’ve scrolled past your advice several times 🙂 it’s sinking in slowly

    163: Jessie1000

    that’s hillarious about yoga being sexual – my therapist said the same thing to me when i mentioned that the guy i’m crazy about wants to go with me to a yoga class. i felt embarassed!

    Femininewoman: happy birthday! i hope you have a really fun one.

    daria: great reminder. we really are all doing the best we can. really. so hard to remember most of the time. i know i will jump to the conclusion that i’m not getting what i want because someone is withholding it from me. but it’s probably the best they can do right now 🙂



  388.  #388Rori Raye on April 6, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Jesaynt – Thank you for weighing in here – and I’m very, very careful of letting a man on here in any way – this community of women is so amazing (and know we’re all working in a particular way – and so what registers to you as “strength” may be what we’re particularly avoiding here…and what we’ve all thought of as “weakness” is actually what we’re cultivating – and it’s my belief that THIS is the way to real confidence…) – so I’m going to let your comment through for now…and we’ll see how this might work for us…Love, Rori



  389.  #389Lucy on April 6, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    Thanks Francesca and Starla. <3



  390.  #390Lucy on April 6, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    So how do you know when a man is abusive and you shouldn’t give him more chances?



  391.  #391GivingGirl on April 6, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    @Lucy

    In my experience, I felt afraid of him. Nervous around him and stubborn. He was all nice & sweet to begin with, but then changed. He tried controlling me and I fought that by becoming stubborn. He would accuse me of staring at people, when I was just looking at the clock. He tried to tell me how I was going to celebrate my birthday. I didn’t answer his call once and he sent me 80 nasty, name calling texts. I broke up with him and he had a panic attack and tried to make me think he was having a heart attack, so I would go there. I didn’t. Next day, he came over, and I didn’t want to open the door. I gave in and did. He kept trying to push himself on me and I was pushing him away. Then he wrapped his arms around me, trapping my arms and wouldn’t let go until I said I wouldn’t break up with him. I did just to get him to leave. I ended up breaking up with him over the phone and he threatened to come over and make a scene. I told him I would call the cops. He didn’t show. I was paranoid for a month, but he didn’t come around, so I let my guard down. Then, he showed up at 1am wanting me to buzz him in. I refused, but someone let him in. He stood outside my door trying anything from being sweet, to anger, to tears, to his father is dying and he needs a friend, to get me to open the door. I refused. I knew if I did, I would be that stupid girl on the news who opened the door. He tried busting it down and I called 911.

    You just know when you aren’t safe. Your gut tells you something is off.



  392.  #392GivingGirl on April 6, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Well, I really thought & was hoping from our conversation yesterday that he’d be calling me tonight to go to dinner. It’s 7:30pm now, so it’s not likely 🙁



  393.  #393Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    Ok wow. This is crazy challenging right now.

    My date with GoldenYouthCD (I changed SexyFrenchLawyer’s name for this one cause he reminds me of the Gossip Girl’s kids and it’s more fun to say also) just ended.

    We drank a lot and lot of wine, all afternoon. This guy’s appartment is a real liquor store… I think he had like 6 bottles of wine in his fridge. Well, we drank 3…

    I left his place and was walking downtown and passed in front of ATW’s office and thought I might meet him. Lol silly lizka, it’s Friday night (and a holiday!), he’s not at the office!! But than I thought I could call him and tell him something fun because I feel funny. Well no of course, I can’t do that becausr he might be partying and just to know it would make me feel sad…

    … so I tought I could text ModelCD who also lives downtown and I know he would be happy to ask me to join whatever he is doing right now. He’s very “conveniant” and always free and available and always happy to invite me even if he’s with his friends.

    But seriously Lizka what are you thinking?

    I just feel fun and happy and I don’t want to go home after drinking all thar wine…

    Well alcohol definitely makes me overfunction…



  394.  #394Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    I won’t do it because I am conacient that it’s gonna break my challenge and that it’s bad bad bad to lean forward with ATW or ModelCD right now, but arrfggfjfjfjfjfkcmbsgd THIS IS SO HARDDDDD!

    My gooood!!!



  395.  #395Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    I have to tell myself there is something more fun to do when I get home…

    But what fun thing can there be for a tipsy girl on a Friday night in a lonely appartement? Seriously!?



  396.  #396siren song on April 6, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    lizka,

    too funny! i drank some wine with my bass player this afternoon and totally had the urge to break my challenge.

    it feels bad! boo!!! let’s put away our phones.



  397.  #397Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    Lol if I can do this one, I’ll be the queen of Leabing Back Land, really!

    Her Majesty Lizka the 1st, Queen of LeaningBackLand, Empress of HoldingYourBoundary and duchess of TakingCareOfMe



  398.  #398Daria on April 6, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Lizka – omg it will so feel better urgency wise once the tipsyness wears down!

    take a nap!

    or listen to music, dance like crazy and THEn take a nap!

    make sure you drink water or coconut juice so you don’t get dehydrated



  399.  #399siren song on April 6, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    lizka,

    i’m alone in my condo now. feeling the same way. i feel bummed out. and frustrated.



  400.  #400Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    But I need my phoneto have access tO the blog siren song 🙁



  401.  #401siren song on April 6, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    well, figuratively, then. 🙂 let’s send each other vibes in support of leaning back.



  402.  #402siren song on April 6, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    well, figuratively, then. 🙂 let’s send each other vibes in support of leaning back.



  403.  #403siren song on April 6, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    the blog is totally saving me tonight. i won’t give up on my challenge!



  404.  #404Coco Kisses on April 6, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    Daria, I always feel soooo warm, and wonderful when I read your posts. I feel the love and ligh coming from you!!!!! (((((DARIA))))))



  405.  #405Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    I’ll just spam the blog and smoke cifs after cigs.

    Arrgg I wish I could turn my phone off but I take my internet connection from my cell phone…

    I’m not that Drunk, just tipsy and happy. Lol

    But yeah Daria, I’ll drink water cause i don’t want to get dehydrated. My skin looks so glowy lately, don’t want to loose that glow!



  406.  #406Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Good idea siren song!!

    I will pretend my phone is not working for phone and texting. I will also put it on silence. And I will share the positive vibes with you for not leaning forward.

    Ahhh I’m happy to have you here tonight!!



  407.  #407Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    I’m waiting for the bus now, but when I’ll get home, I’ll go buy something nice at the cornerstore to please me. Maybe chips or maybe cookies…?

    Hmmm I feel more like something salty! Chips and onion dip!!!



  408.  #408Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    Coconot milk??

    Oh nooo. Now I want to ask ATW to come cook his famous thai soup… Lol



  409.  #409Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    I know texting him “I want thai soup. It would feel delicious” would not hurt anything.

    But if he hadn’t contact me to see me yet it’s because he doesn’t really feel like it. And tthat would be rushing things and brings nothing new to the relationship.

    Right?



  410.  #410Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Ok I’m sitting in the bus. On my way to No Man’s Land (my house). Lol. There’s no way back.

    I feel safer….



  411.  #411Daria on April 6, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    wow i just feel so sad thinking of the end of the date yesterday

    and i dono why i feel so sad!

    it feels uncomfortable to look at

    i was getting a sad vibe all nite, the romantic songs, plus me havin smoked, and i felt emotional, and that is common

    but i noticed myself really thinking about – and healing in my mind – some stuff iwth other men

    and i noticed myself thinking about other men A LOT when im around this particular man

    i wonder if its cuz he’s too good and im bored…t ho i noticed something weird a bout him a while back so maybe not

    i dono…

    he did at some pts try to brign me back and i still felt connected

    and actaully all that felt fine

    it was at the end i felt sad

    i actually felt rushed a bit to leave

    i ahd fallen half asleep and was napping and hes like ok thanks for goin out with me

    so that felt a lil ba dnad when i looked at him i felt disconnected from him, and i felt sad

    he looked disconnected from me

    so i dono wat happen

    i dont hink he got mad taht i fell asleep i mean i felt comfortable about it

    but maybe hd did?

    i dono

    i know I FELT BAD AND SAD

    and i wonder if its HIS loneliness i feel so intensely that i feel taht sad loenly feeling SO MUCH around him?

    and also i noticed he seems to want to save moeny a bit… and i felt uncomfortable to ask fro a drink tho it probably wouldave been ok i

    DONO tho

    he makes a lot of money and has it saved up he says im thinking int he hundreds of thousands so

    its a real turn off for me a cheap man etc

    not that hes really been cheap

    but tehn he wanted to drive 20 min out the way to his house to pick up his pot, and i felt kinda turned off

    but I SAID OK

    and noticed myself getting mroe turned off on the road there and coming back from there

    umf

    when we were there we wound up watching a movie

    i dont want to hang out at men’s houses

    mmm

    i jumped up immediatly affter movie and was halfway to the door

    mmm

    and then he was rummaging for soemthing and i got the thought omg what if something IS wrong and hes a a psycho killer?

    and luckily that wasnt it but i felt wierd for a sec

    anyway i felt so sad at the end

    i want to call him and appologize for being disconnected and say next time i dont want to smoke so much

    and i wont do that

    and im jusrt feeling curious about myself and what all this is about

    mabye i feel afraid im losing a good man who can actally provide for me?

    io doono?

    or what?

    i feel bad tummyh turnining thinking of him

    i donoooooo

    this feels uncomfortable waaaaah



  412.  #412Daria on April 6, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    Lizka – coconut WATER its good for hydration like Gatorade would be…

    they are starting to have it available in stores and gas stations around here now at almost all of them



  413.  #413Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    “He’s agreeing with you about sex because he likes you – perhaps loves you, even, but it confuses him.”

    Hmmm ModelCd agreed with me about sex last Tuesday… Maybe he likes me?

    But I didn’t heard from him since… Because he’s confused?

    I’m confused…



  414.  #414Daria on April 6, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    im feeling terribly lonely like i want to run away from him and to another man and just get away from this feeling and i actualy just wanna call him and have him tell me he likes me so i can feel better

    i dono i feel like afraid im gonan lose him cuz i didnt do something welll

    i feel triggered and the feeling is softening yay!



  415.  #415Silver Moonbeam on April 6, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    {{{{{{{ Starla }}}}}}



  416.  #416Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    Lol thank you Daria. I saw you wrote “coconut juuce” but it made Me think of coconut milk and thai soup…

    I’ll go see if they have it at my vietnameese corner store but I’m not sure. Never heard of it…



  417.  #417Daria on April 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    thank you Coco Kisses I feel so loved! (((Coco Kisses)))



  418.  #418Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    Now I want to text ModelCd that I feel like cuddling. I’m almost sure that I would get cuddles right away…

    But I don’t want to get them this way…



  419.  #419Daria on April 6, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    Lizka – its newly popular here everywhere but ive been getting it at Whole Foods and other like natural food groceries for awhile. Mexican and Asian stores might have some but theirs is sweetened and not as pure if its the light blue can with the parrot.



  420.  #420Sun Goddess on April 6, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    I have been ready for a while now. Waiting for my friend to pick me up now and it feels like an eternity. Maybe she got lost, but I can’t call her because she lost her phone.



  421.  #421Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    I’m home alone on a Friday night too after 11 hours at the boutique.

    I’m so tired I feel like I am drunk.

    I’m having a couple of glasses of wine anyway to decompress and then I’ll wash my face and go to sleep since I’m working tomorrow.



  422.  #422Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    GivingGirl @391

    I’m so sorry this happened to you, it feels terrible.

    I hope you’re alright now.



  423.  #423Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    Sun Goddess,

    What are you wearing? 😉



  424.  #424Brenda on April 6, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    Daria,

    RE: #375 – I have corresponded with men in prison the past 23 years, largely isolating myself from society. As a result, a lot of the time in the past, I felt clueless to understand human communication. I have heard from many sources that 70-80% of communication is in tone of voice, expressions and body language. Some say even more.

    A previous therapist told me that when something is personal, it is better to talk in person, so that those personal elements are not lost in communication.

    Also, it gives the other person a chance to respond.

    On the other hand, it has been very healthy for me to text a lot, because I could practice my Rori tools in slow motion, and to learn to manage my emotions and learn to have two way conversations, not monologues.



  425.  #425Sun Goddess on April 6, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    A teal tank type shirt, jeans, new heals, and my favorite….peacock earrings



  426.  #426Silver Moonbeam on April 6, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    Watching Adele concert on TV, gosh she is sooo wonderful……………Someone Like You………….

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qemWRToNYJY



  427.  #427Sun Goddess on April 6, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Oh, I should have told her I would met her there….but the point is she is introducing us. I hate waiting on other people. I am always on time. Maybe this is a learning experience for me.



  428.  #428Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    I’ve been trying to find a good word in French for overfunctioning and I can’t find one.

    Of course, when I Google translate it, it comes out as…overfunctioning.

    Google is not my friend tonight. 🙁

    Are there any French-speaking sirens who could help me with that one?

    Thanks!



  429.  #429Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    Ooooof I made it!! I survived!

    I’m a survivor of Leaning forward urgency!!!

    I’m home safe.

    Ok there is still a little risk, but the worst is behind me…

    Daria, there was no coconut juice or water at the store, but there was tostitos, salsa, cheese, onion dip, coke… I bought them all. Lol having a little party at my place all by myself watching stupid reality shows. Hehe. That should help!



  430.  #430Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    I’ve thought about “en faire trop” but it doesn’t sound quite right.



  431.  #431Sun Goddess on April 6, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Yeah Lizka!!



  432.  #432Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    overfunctioning…

    Wow Francesca, that’s a good one…

    Ultra-fonctionner? lol



  433.  #433Sun Goddess on April 6, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    A car just went by not her. I must look likea puppy waiting for his owner to come home. lol



  434.  #434Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    Lol Francesca, “en faire trop” came to my mind too. Maybe “en faire plus que le client en demande” ?

    I can’t come with the exact word…



  435.  #435Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Lol SG you are cute. 🙂



  436.  #436Daria on April 6, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    i feel sad

    i love my sadness

    that feels like

    heayvy sinking

    i love my heavy sinking

    that feels like

    breathing out

    i love my breathing out

    that feeels like clsoing eyes and lowering head

    i love my clsoing eyes and lowering head

    and that feels like

    blankness

    i love my blankness

    and that feels like

    breathing in and out

    i love my breathing in and out

    and thtat feels like glued down corners of mouth

    i love my glued down corners of mouth

    and that feels like

    clsoing eyes

    i love my clsoinge eyes

    and That feel slike

    clsoing front brain

    i love my closing bfrount brain

    and that feles like

    giggling

    i loev my giggling

    and that feels like

    hehe

    i love my hehehe

    wheeewh

    i love my wheeewh

    weeeeeeeeee

    feeling happyayay
    and delighted

    i love my feeling happay and dleightinged



  437.  #437Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Thanks, Lizka! I like it!

    It’s not easy to translate, my goodness!

    And it loses its depth if you need to explain it! Doh!



  438.  #438Brenda on April 6, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    Jesaynt,

    RE: #326 – Welcome! Thank you for your input! I agree that it works both ways. Men feel insecure too at times. I think we are all human and all need extra love and understanding.



  439.  #439Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    Sun Goddess,

    Sexy!



  440.  #440GivingGirl on April 6, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    Francesca,

    Thank you. Funny thing is, he’s the only guy who fought for me. Lol…it’s sad. All the others just let me walk out. It was scary at the time, but I’m ok. I’m strong and have had deeper (more unbelievable) hurts, although I would be afraid to run into him again.



  441.  #441Sun Goddess on April 6, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    Francesca,

    Thanks!



  442.  #442Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    Oh my goodness, GivingGirl, I can totally understand that!

    Violent men really scare me.

    Eeekkk!

    EC may have some shortcomings but he’s not violent.

    I feel grateful for that.



  443.  #443Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    Sun Goddess, have fun!

    That is…if your friend ever gets there!



  444.  #444GivingGirl on April 6, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    I’m feeling sad and lonely tonight. I was hoping to be on our way to reconciliation. It’s disappointing my phone has not rung 🙁

    I ordered a pizza and only had 5 pieces and now have heartburn 🙁

    It’s gonna be a long night if this keeps me awake.

    I just want to feel his arms around me. He’s so good at cuddling.



  445.  #445Francesca on April 6, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    Ever heard the saying “date for fun, not for the one” anyone?



  446.  #446Lucy on April 6, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    GivingGirl, thanks. I just can’t tell… my gut is unsure… I don’t know if he is being mean or if I am just being over-sensitive. I know it feels bad…. Yet I know he loves me (and as Daria said, is doing the best he can) and does not want to hurt me… I know he only wants to bring me joy and good feelings…. I know that’s what is in his heart….. 🙁

    I don’t know what to do.



  447.  #447GingerSky on April 6, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    #44 & #46 Brenda Lol! 😀



  448.  #448GivingGirl on April 6, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    Francesca,

    I know, me too. Once he punched the couch right next to my head. I knew I needed to leave. I knew he would turn physically abusive. He had lots of problems. Bipolar and stopped taking his meds. He did steroids before I met him. He was an alcoholic and druggie, except it was prescription drugs, which he would take with vodka…lovely. He drank and drove, should say drank while driving. He’s a cop too, so got away with lots. That night I called the cops, I could smell the liquor through the door. The cops let him drive away and the police report was a joke. They didn’t even write what I said. Scary. We dated for 6 months & I wanted to leave sooner, but I was having 2 surgeries and my doc said no stress, so I waited. I stayed by my parents and he barely came by, so that was a plus. I milked it as long as I could.



  449.  #449Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Francesca –

    “Ever heard the saying “date for fun, not for the one” anyone?”

    No I didn’t. But I like it… Maybe I’m gonna make it my FB status…



  450.  #450GivingGirl on April 6, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    Lucy,

    If you know all those things, it doesn’t sound like abuse. Abusers are out for themselves. They control and they don’t really care about you or your feelings. They also lie a lot! I don’t know your story, but maybe he’s hurting too and that’s why he gets mean?



  451.  #451GingerSky on April 6, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    FW, it’s your birthday? A very happy & meaningful one to you!



  452.  #452Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    The urgency feeling is gone. 99% gone. Woohoo I did it!!

    I’m the Queen of Leaning Back Land!!!



  453.  #453GivingGirl on April 6, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    I just finished reading Rori’s ebook. I didn’t think I was as guarded as I am. I keep me hidden a lot. It’s scary to think about not hiding who I am. I’ve done it my whole life.



  454.  #454GingerSky on April 6, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    #335 kdr With these kinds of femme energy men, you start to feel like you’re in the twilight zone… yep. I like the femme energy men, esp the very masc ones w strong femme energy… I have been in this crazy-making twilight zone.



  455.  #455GingerSky on April 6, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    #430 & #434 Francesca & Lizka, what if you seek a phrase that refers more to what we call “trying too hard”? Or “working too hard” or being “overly competent?” I know French has a phrase for overcompetence, doesn’t it?



  456.  #456Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    SLV 268

    Hi.

    I’m sorry if I sounded harsh myself yesterday when replying to you. I think I get pretty sensitive when it comes to my mom.

    I have send her the link, got no answer… Maybe I’ll talk a little about it when I see her tomorrow. It could be a great start. What do you think?

    Thank you for your help and once again, my apologizes for yesterday.

    xoxo



  457.  #457Daria on April 6, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    omgosh… i listened to ahypnosis session and as i was relaxing i started crying a lot remembering this movie i saw last nite with that CD and i felt sorry for the character and his relationship with his dad aww it felt sad and it morphed into my sister and i creid and im feeling a bit better now having cried



  458.  #458Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    SLV

    Also, you are totally right, saying I want to tell my mom what I wrote here was not very nice. I feel guilty for just thinking of it now. I’ll find a good way to help her.



  459.  #459Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    Wow! Day 18 is over! That’s it!!!!

    And I didn’t lean forward even if it got really challenging after a few glasses of wine…

    I haven’t text ATW to ask for thai soup.

    I haven’t text ModelCD for some cuddling.

    I rock!

    I have text DjCD to have my necklace back but I don’t count it as leaning forward because I don’t give a sh*t about him anymore and it was honestly just to have my necklace and necklace back and not have to contact him anymore.

    So I didn’t lean forward. La la laaaaa!!

    Tomorrow is Day 19! OMG almost 3 weeks already!!

    3 weeks and have almost not heard from ATW. We had one date, and he texted me two times since. That’s it. This weekend, it’s gonna be 2 weeks that I haven’t see him… it feels weird. Like we spoke about “fixing” things and he stopped calling? Weirdo! I assume he is “testing” me (maybe unconsciously) because he said “we have to be both autonomous before we can be together”. He probably wants to see if I can be autonomous/independant. Pffff you can test me as much as you want Baby ATW, I am becoming more and more independant every day. I didn’t need you in the last two weeks to make me happy. I made myself happy all by myself by going to the yoga class with my best friend, drinking champagne, shopping, getting a new job, dating THREE other men, kissing and making out with ModelCD…

    …but you better catch me before I get TOO independent/don’t give a sh*t about you… Might happen sooner than you think. Everyday, I feel so surprise of how less and less I feel attached to you….



  460.  #460Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    I also noticed that my skin is more bright and that my face is glowing…

    Wondering if it’s the good vibe that is coming through my pores…? Lol

    🙂

    Anyway, good night sirens and bye bye Day 18!!



  461.  #461Lizka on April 6, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    Oops…

    “coming OUT through my pores”



  462.  #462siren song on April 6, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    Lizka,

    Good for you.

    Day 5 come and gone.

    I feel pretty good about the whole thing. I feel like I’ve learned about a year’s worth of info about my own stuff without the guy as a distraction.

    I miss him. But I feel good. And so strong!



  463.  #463Turquoise on April 6, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    Hi Sirens!

    Happy Birthday FW! I hope it was wonderful, sounds like it started out that way~ 🙂

    Starla, glad to hear you are still doing mostly ok, and I think Daria and other sirens gave you some great advice. And the dumping me statements stuck out to me too… and one thing to remember, we are all going to have failed relationship after failed relationship, until we find the right one. So, it’s just part of the process, and I believe as we learn more about ourselves, our relationships will get better.

    Lizka, way to go on the leaning back! You are the queen! SO you didn’t kiss the lawyer too? I don’t understand these guys you date. Maybe it’s being canadian, but unless it’s a bad date, I almost always get kissed.

    I spent a very nice day with my girls today… enjoying our day off. We went out to breakfast, then to the mall for Easter dresses, Flower girl dresses for the wedding next month, shoes, and I went to the Clinique counter for some new foundation, and they had their free gifts, and I LOVE my lipstick/gloss! The other stuff is good too… but this color is perfect on me. The lipstick goes on smooth, the gloss kinda sticky,… so looks gorgeous, but not the best for kissing. I know men don’t like sticky. Maybe I should wear it around C, so I won’t think about kissing him so much. I also took the girls to get their hair cut, so they are all ready for the weekend. Tomorrow I hope to have some time to shop for myself, but the details still aren’t fixed with their dad for sure on when he’s going to get them.

    I got a little stressed with him today. Last night he said he might come in earlier, leave first thing in the morning, but he got a late start and needed to meet his family for dinner, so didn’t have time to stop by and see the girls on his way up. He was upset with me that I’d told them he was coming earlier, because he feels it makes him the bad guy. He sent me a really good feeling message text though, and I responded with a good one as well…. which, is amazing to me that we are healing our communication and expressing ourselves so much clearer. It’s such good practice, and for the most part, is all new to us. But, looks like I won’t see him much this weekend, and that is ok. It’s actually probably the best thing that it’s working out this way, because I still feel excited about my date, and it would be so easy to fall back into old habits with C, and not want to CD. I decided not to give him anything for his birthday, 40th or not…. It is leaning forward, and everything I thought to give, was just too sentimental. I am helping the girls with a gift for him, but it’s between them and about them. They are each writing 20 things they love about him, special memories, etc. so he’ll have a jar of 40 wonderful things about him and the girls. They also made him cards. I was going to have them help me bake him cupcakes like I had the first year we were together…. but it feels too sentimental to me, and I don’t know how he’d take it.

    So, TOTALLY leaning back with Ohio, but he makes it so easy because he leans forward constantly. He’s a great persuer. I did ask him if he had any health issues, and he told me he is diabetic, but it’s managable with diet, and that he wants to lose about 30-40 pounds, and is concerned about his appearance. I am really hoping that I can see past that, and that he’ll still look attractive to me, because I know it’s not all about looks, and looks fade anyways. But, not going to beat myself up if I’m not attracted. It’s just a date. He’s driving 70 miles to meet me, I’m driving 15 to meet him at the restaurant he chose, which is very nice, not a chain… and I’ll get to dress up and wear my heels! 🙂

    I had a really nice day today, ended it with making dinner, watching We Bought A Zoo with the girls, and then we dyed Easter Eggs, and I cleaned up. Oh, and team stop procrastinating already…. I worked in the garage last night for about 2 hours and made HUGE progress! I’d go do more now, but feeling tired, going to soak in my big bathtub and get some sleep. My house looks awesome though, and I won’t be tied to it at all this weekend.

    Wondering what color I should wear tomorrow…. maybe pink with my pink heels and my pink lips…. I usually wear black.



  464.  #464Starla on April 6, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    Alcohol brought the sadness out of me. After 1 beer i was shutting my phone off and handing it to my friend so i wouldn’t text or call CF. After 2 i just felt sad and like i wanted to go home and cry and sleep. So I stopped drinking right away and only had 2 beers early in the evening.

    but the sadness stayed with me.

    i can’t help but think that i wouldn’t have found this sadness if i hadn’t consumed a depressant tonight!

    but the sadness would have come out eventually.

    i never wrote him.

    i just keep thinking he is sitting there thinking i must not have liked him very much if i’m not fighting for him right now.

    and it’s a twisted dynamic if it’s true, and if it’s not, then my head needs to calm down.

    hi ladies:)

    i’m still “okay,” though. really.



  465.  #465Starla on April 6, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    The other thing that made me feel sad was my two friends – one guy and one girl, both saying “just move on. cut him off and move on”

    and i never said i wouldn’t.

    but the way they said it really vilified him. and while i do find it all to be RATHER dramatic with him, i’m not interested in vilifying him. I feel super protective, like don’t you dare talk sh*t about my mama!

    anyway, i let it go because they mean well. and it’s my choice who i date, and this is the first time i ever came to my friends and said “guys, this guy is upsetting me” since i started dating CF. So it’s a non issue for all of us anyway:)



  466.  #466Starla on April 6, 2012 at 10:23 pm

    yay turquoise, nice work with the garage



  467.  #467Starla on April 6, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    jesaynt 326, i really like that you shared this comment



  468.  #468Starla on April 6, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    the picture posted with this article really triggers me. The dude reminds me of an ex of mine and she reminds me of me, and the way he’s pulling away all sulky like a tortured artist.

    this is actually what i keep thinking of, this ex of mine, now that this cr*p is happening with CF. It’s the same week of the year (spring break), same set up (small problem turned into a big fight and he freaks out and dumped me), except last time, with ex dude i mean, i called and called until he answered and then a week later it turned out he was actually ready to talk again and he called me back, and i apologized and he asked me out for coffee and we were on our way again as a couple. less than a month later, he was asking me to be his girlfriend. 2 months later, he was saying he’d like me to move in with him soon…

    so i am really very likely projecting old experiences onto this.

    and it’s also likely that the general dynamic is very similar. i mean, even by FEELING it is similar, i therefore MAKE the dynamic more similar.

    urgghh swimmy head feelings



  469.  #469Starla on April 6, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    i used the D(umped) word again in my comment up there, and i honestly have a hard time dropping using the word, but i hear some of you saying that it would be good if i picked a different word. and i feel inclined to accept advice like this right now so as to more effectively love on myself:)



  470.  #470Starla on April 6, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    i feel exposed like the whole world can see i’m crazy.

    i want to sew everything up so no one can see i’m not good at this relating to people thing, especially romantically.

    i feel like a bad fraud



  471.  #471Starla on April 6, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    i’m going to bed, night night



  472.  #472R.N.AmazingMe on April 6, 2012 at 11:47 pm

    Hey Sirens! WOW it has been forever since I have stopped in to read or say hello!! I enjoy the posts as usual, such a learning process. I am so stuck in my own head right now, I feel like my mind is my armor over my heart. The thing is I am so scared now that I am not going to let anyone back in. I feel I have built these solid walls of independence. Rely on only yourself, take care of you and yours, everything else is just second. Friends, You may have handfuls but they never amount to that one friend that is there and has been there for the past 20 years when you needed them most. Reality yours or what others think it should be?….I am rambling because I can here, thats why I miss it. Brenda, good to see you still here! How are things for you these days?



  473.  #473Daria on April 7, 2012 at 12:44 am

    Amazing Me – everyone is still here they just have different names lol!



  474.  #474Daria on April 7, 2012 at 12:44 am

    like at least a couple ppl posting today changed their name a few months ago



  475.  #475Daria on April 7, 2012 at 12:45 am

    to a year ago?

    ok maybe you caught that actually

    hehe

    time disturbances



  476.  #476Daria on April 7, 2012 at 12:45 am

    ((((Starla))))



  477.  #477Daria on April 7, 2012 at 12:46 am

    i went out on a date tonite woh and of course im getting treated well 🙂

    yeee 🙂

    and looking fantabulous

    and this guy’s car had heated seats just like last nite guy’s car did

    mmm i love heated seats cuz i just got my blood



  478.  #478Daria on April 7, 2012 at 12:51 am

    hmmk ok … i think my periods might be synching…

    go on period! you can do it! i love you!



  479.  #479Daria on April 7, 2012 at 12:54 am

    now they’re coming in earlier than expected instead of later

    first time in my life

    well ladies were gonna get you smooth and flowy and feel goodness



  480.  #480R.N.AmazingMe on April 7, 2012 at 1:10 am

    Hey Daria..great too see you and Brenda I know give or take a few others but what is with the changing of names anyway? 🙂



  481.  #481R.N.AmazingMe on April 7, 2012 at 1:13 am

    Music is so inspiring I have been inspired to write yet the page is blank. I guess it is because I cannot sleep. wow…



  482.  #482Butterfly Wings on April 7, 2012 at 2:13 am

    I had the BEST day with TH today! We went out west to visit his mother who was raising money for her wildlife rescue and he took me for a tour around the town he lived in for several years.

    We stopped for a picnic on what seemed to be the top of a mountain, which had amazing views! Wow…

    Afterwards we went to his mother’s house to help her with some things and I had the pleasure of interacting with two baby orphaned echidnas (see FB pic I posted in Siren Island)!

    Just before we were due to leave I walked out to the car to get something and two guys walked up looking for TH’s mum. They weren’t bad looking AT ALL! 😉

    So of course I flashed my biggest smile and went to get her. As we drove off one of them waved but of course I had TH next to me so just smiled (picture me smiling with that “ding” sound happening and a sparkle in my smile!) in response.

    Oh and TH also took me to this cute little gift shop that had all sorts of body lotions, scrubs, body butters and a heap of other things. He told me to pick one I liked (they all smelled DIVINE) and I am now the happy owner of a tangerine and ginger hand & body lotion! 🙂

    Yay for a great day! xxx



  483.  #483Francesca on April 7, 2012 at 3:09 am

    GingerSky @ 455

    “#430 & #434 Francesca & Lizka, what if you seek a phrase that refers more to what we call “trying too hard”? Or “working too hard” or being “overly competent?” I know French has a phrase for overcompetence, doesn’t it?”

    Yes, we do! Or at least I do!

    Hmmm, overcompetence, I don’t know…doesn’t really mean the same thing.

    In fact, it should litterally translate as “fonctionner de façon exagérée” which is not a bad way to say it albeit with a lot of words.



  484.  #484Francesca on April 7, 2012 at 5:37 am

    Dominique, I just had the chance to read the article you posted @ 262.

    Yes, there are similarities.

    There are even more similarities with what Erin wrote in the comments. It really resonates with me.

    As much as I want to understand why I seem to overfunction quite a bit sometimes, I just can’t shake off the idea that this is part of who I am and the only thing I can do without negating my personality traits is to try and stop myself from hurling the first words that come to my mind.

    I mean I really have to stop and breathe.

    I’m getting sad when I think that might be why I never was able to be in a relationship for a long time.

    I have to get ready for work and all I want to do right now is crawl under a rock and disappear for the whole day.

    Feeling really bad right now.



  485.  #485Lizka on April 7, 2012 at 6:03 am

    Hello Day 19!!!



  486.  #486Lizka on April 7, 2012 at 6:04 am

    (((((( Starla )))))

    Alcohol is very bad on a day like this… Makes you overanalyze…



  487.  #487Butterfly Wings on April 7, 2012 at 6:07 am

    Yay Lizka!



  488.  #488Butterfly Wings on April 7, 2012 at 6:08 am

    (((Starla))) – If your relationship with CF is truly over, I do believe it’s because you’re destined for better things.

    If it’s not over, then you’re about to start relating to him on a whole new level.

    Either way, this will be good for you, I know it!

    xxx



  489.  #489Sun Goddess on April 7, 2012 at 6:23 am

    My friend did finally come to get me and We didn’t get back home until 6 am. I haven’t stayed out like that since I was 19. I had so so much fun. The potential cd is cute, funny, and nice. He invited me into his dj booth which was super fun to pick songs and such. Halfway through the night, ANcd walked in the door and I confronted him about never calling again (I know how unsiren-like of me). He said that he had texted twice and I never replied so he gave up. I said, “well now I feel bad because I never got them and you must have thought I was ignoring you.” and I walked away. Ten minutes later he texted me and said that he was dying to kiss me and I looked more beautiful than ever. Twenty minutes later he grabbed me and kissed me! Then, he texted, “thanks for the kiss…It was everything I thought it would be with your soft lips.”

    When the bar was closing, I gave new cd a hug and he asked for my number. He needs a name….maybe djcd. Wait, I think that is someone else’s cd’s name. Any ideas?

    My friend didn’t want to go home, so we went to the only 24/7 place around here–the casino. We then met 7 men from out of town. Three of which were super cute and we drank and sat with them for hours until they shut the bar down and then the guys asked for a ride back to their hotel room. I would have said no, but my friend said yes. Now, the hot Minnesota guy wants me to come hang out today at his hotel. I like being a siren. 🙂



  490.  #490Starla on April 7, 2012 at 6:26 am

    thanks bw
    i actually don’t want it to be over at ALL.

    but then this morning i woke up kind of glad i wouldn’t have to deal with it too.

    also, i had a GOOD dream. first one in forever and ever and ever.



  491.  #491Lizka on April 7, 2012 at 6:36 am

    Turquoise 463

    No I didn’t kiss GoldenYouthCD aka the lawyer (lol it’s a funny name, but can we really say that in English? In French we say “jeunesse dorée” for rich people’s kids).

    I am wondering too…

    It’s true that my CDs never kiss me before I would say an average of 3 dates… Wondering why…

    Not that I really mind because I like taking my time. I feel uncomfortable to be touch and kiss by someone I don’t know that much…

    But why aren’t they in a hurry to kiss me?

    Maybe I have bad breath, lol… no no I don’t think so…

    Wondering if it’s a canadian thing? But I don’t think so either… My girl friend kisses every men she dates, lol and often sleep with them on the first date…

    Or maybe it’s me? Maybe they feel that I don’t want to be kiss? Or maybe they feel that I am cold? Or maybe they are nervous around me because I’m too hot? lol

    But I’m thinking that it might be a generation thing maybe? I noticed that often, after the 1st kiss, things go super fast and men I date (which are usually men in their 20s) expect right away… Like a kiss means I’m open to sex. They rarely kiss me for 10 dates and then request sex… we’ll this actually never happened, lol.

    Like ModelCD, kissed me and then was “expecting” sex. He was not pushy and didn’t “ASK” for it, but it showed that it was in a sexy mood. And same thing happened with all my ex now that I think of it…

    And also probably why ATW didn’t kiss me on the last date. Because I said no more sex and for him, kiss = sex…

    It’s a generation thing or that’s the vibe I send? Hmmmmmmm



  492.  #492Lizka on April 7, 2012 at 6:44 am

    SG

    Yes it’s me who has a DjCD as a CD. I think someone else too, lol

    Maybe DiscoCD?

    But you know, you can use DjCD also because I don’t hink I’m ever gonna heard about my DjCD again…



  493.  #493Sun Goddess on April 7, 2012 at 6:53 am

    Lizka,

    How about MusicMan…or MM for short?



  494.  #494Starla on April 7, 2012 at 6:54 am

    rahh
    *pout*
    i didn’t want CF to go away
    i didn’t want him to be such a hardass to me though. i told him so and then he twisted my words and withdrew completely.

    i used to never notice when guys were being hardasses to me and they would find ways to blame me for it. i don’t think guys realize they do it… like a little bit is understandable at first, but after a couple of weeks of it, i’m proud i stood up for myself. even if i didn’t do it the ‘right’ way, i am really really really really proud of myself.



  495.  #495Sun Goddess on April 7, 2012 at 6:57 am

    I feel worried for LP who thinks he can invest minimally in me and keep me all to his self. Maybe it is time I tell him I will be seeing other people until I have everything I want. That still feels scary to me, but so does staying in a relationship that doesn’t suit me 100%.



  496.  #496Brenda on April 7, 2012 at 7:02 am

    AmazingMe,

    RE: #472 – Hi, thanks for asking! I am all right. Yesterday Kenny ended our friendship for no good reason, and this morning he is calling me again. But this has gone on 12 years and I am determined to make him stick to it. He has probably ended our friendship 600-700 times, who knows?

    It is so old and so toxic. So I think the best thing is to change my phone number. I felt totally blindsided yesterday when he did it, all because I wouldn’t do something that I felt was wrong. This has been par for the course.

    Other than that, I’m doing all right. I have decided to move my Mom in with me. It might be a challenge emotionally, but I have asked her if we could focus on being an encouragement to each other.



  497.  #497Sun Goddess on April 7, 2012 at 7:04 am

    Will you all help me with a script for LP?

    LP, I love you and care for you very much and enjoy spending time with you, but what I really want is to be married and have a family together with someone. I really want this someone to be you. I’m not sure if you are ready for that, or if that is something you want with me, so I am going to give you time to decide, but in the meantime I am going to be open to other options.

    I’m crying just thinking about how sad and upset this will make him.



  498.  #498Lizka on April 7, 2012 at 7:04 am

    Sun Goddess

    I like MusicMan. 🙂

    “I feel worried for LP who thinks he can invest minimally in me and keep me all to his self. Maybe it is time I tell him I will be seeing other people until I have everything I want.”

    I like that!!!! ATW does the same…



  499.  #499Lizka on April 7, 2012 at 7:09 am

    My whole body hurts like crazy after yesterday’s yoga… But I’m going for my run anyway! That’s the spirit!!

    I feel proud because I ran everyday that my marathon training said I had too this week AND I went to a yoga class. That makes me 4 times doing sports this week (and with tomorrow 5!) which is not bad at all.

    And this morning, my stomach feels harder than usual and flatter also! Hehe I’ll be the cuttest in my bikini this summer!!



  500.  #500Starla on April 7, 2012 at 7:22 am

    Sun Goddess, I just wanted to tell you that i can’t help you with this one… i feel totally unqualified at the moment and i’d probably give you TERRIBLE advice haha.

    ((((((sun goddess))))))))))))



  501.  #501Starla on April 7, 2012 at 7:28 am

    I feel thoroughly rejected (((((((starla)))))))))))



  502.  #502Sun Goddess on April 7, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Aww, Starla, I realize I may lose LP when I tell him this which is very scary to me…he’s like a safety net almost to me.



  503.  #503Sun Goddess on April 7, 2012 at 7:38 am

    (((((((starla)))))))



  504.  #504LoveAlways on April 7, 2012 at 7:39 am

    Hi Sirens:

    Spamming the blog for a minute

    SIREN MEMORIES
    I realize the siren I am was also inside of me! I’m treasuring the moments my energy of love expanded beyond myself to create a loving memory. Yes, these are shared moments . . . good thoughts of elated feelings etched in my mind forever. The moments where my needs were met, and now I realize it’s not the person I’ve ever missed but the memory of the feeling of being whole – and now I understand it was because an essential need was discovered. The beauty of it all is that I can indeed relive these pleasures by getting my “core needs” met over and over again (targeting mr. right!). And sometimes, it’s the only good to think of about those who’ve lead me to feel pain. Healing in progress!

    CDex would first make love to me then make me gourmet breakfast in bed on Saturday mornings and then we spend the day together like teenagers in love.

    CDj and I would go to one of my favorite B&Bs in a valley town and spend a luxurious weekend once a year exploring and discovering new things, and then snuggle in harmony.

    CDdj and I spent our only (and my best ever vacation thus far) exploring and enjoying my favorite Caribbean island like two adventurers in love.

    CDarmy took me to his home country when we first met and I fell in love with him overlooking a lush cliffside of paradise (we also drank like sailors and had sex like teenagers).



  505.  #505LoveAlways on April 7, 2012 at 7:45 am

    Memulo
    291

    He does express it verbally. But he is inconsistent. I feel like a toy on the shelf. I’ve experienced this before. Guys like this sometimes want you to be comfortable and just be around and they don’t have to step up. I can sit on the shelf and wait for him to figure it out, or step up. That is why I’m CDing with others so I don’t drive myself crazy thinking about this man. I know I’m crazy about him and have feelings, but I’ve done that waiting for a guy to come around stuff before and I just wanna live, ya know? I will take your advise and not jump to conclusions and give him a chance, but in the meantime, I’m staying open to my other CDs and creating moments with them. CD song stopped meeting my core needs. It’s all about him and not about me. That is how I feel now. He complains that I don’t call him, and I did call a few times when I felt like leaning forward. But it’s like this instant relationships stuff. I’m an active woman and he does not step up to do anything with me other than ask me to come over for sex. While I don’t mind have wall shaking sex with him, I’m also wanting some romance, and some connection time, and to feel like I’m being treasured and treated like the queen I am. He only “treasures” what he penetrates. Maybe that’s a NV, but I’m stepping back to feel safe.