Does He Have To Be “More” Than You?

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Great, great article by Stephanie Coontz highlighting what I tell my clients:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/12/opinion/sunday/marriage-suits-educated-women.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2&hp

Here’s a bit from the end of it – but you’ll want to read the whole thing, it’s based on studies:

“For a century, women have binged on romance novels that encouraged them to associate intimidation with infatuation; it’s no wonder that this emotional hangover still lingers. Valentine’s Day is a perfect time to reject the idea that the ideal man is taller, richer, more knowledgeable, more renowned or more powerful. The most important predictor of marital happiness for a woman is not how much she looks up to her husband but how sensitive he is to her emotional cues and how willing he is to share the housework and child-care. And those traits are often easier to find in a low-key guy than a powerhouse.

I am not arguing that women ought to ‘settle.’ I am arguing that we can now expect more of a mate than we could when we depended on men for our financial security, social status and sense of accomplishment. But that requires ditching the Lois Lane syndrome, where we ignore the attractions and attention of Clark Kent because we’re so eager for the occasional fly-by from Superman.”

Love, Rori

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475 Comments

  1.  #1Daria on March 10, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    woo hoo!



  2.  #2Daria on March 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    hello bloggy blog i am riding you like a dildo machine thingy



  3.  #3Daria on March 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    i am horribly inappropriate!



  4.  #4Daria on March 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    :0



  5.  #5Daria on March 10, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    im judging myself as having ‘molested’ the blog.

    if you know you are doing it why are you doing it? woman with kids with hands on hips all leaning towards me in my space

    i feel defensive scared angry



  6.  #6Daria on March 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    i am bored with a new level of non step up guys!

    yes!!!



  7.  #7Daria on March 10, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    and im loving touching myself more!

    i feel welts on my buttocks for sharing this withyou… im being punished for being so open!

    its not appropriate!

    im being dragged away to get a beating!

    but i love you!!! dont worry ill be ok!

    ill be back to play outside after my mom beats me!

    ~~~disassociate~~~

    i refuse to be i nmy body!

    i love me!!

    i am ok

    i am here for me now

    thank you for going there and healing, me!

    πŸ™‚

    yay us!

    we are brave and we play and we are allowed to do ANYTHING we want]

    yaya us

    and we have SUPPORT!

    weeeeeeeeee

    unfailing

    support

    always there

    from ME!

    mmmffiee

    i love me

    BIG HUG

    ((((((DARIA)))))))



  8.  #8Daria on March 10, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    i feel tingly elbowed

    i love my tingly elbow

    and That feels like a blast of fire from my elbow towards my torso

    and i love my blast of fire

    and that feels like

    snakeing my body and i love my body snake

    and that feels like

    heeehuuh

    and i love my heahhuhh

    nad that fells like swively snakey

    and i love my swively sankey and that feels like

    rolling head and i love my rolling head nad tat fels like a

    omg more rolling head and i love my roling head

    and THat flels like

    snottzy anose

    and i LOVE my bsnotty nose

    omg

    i love my snottiy nose TWICE

    and that feeels like FEAR

    and i love my fear

    and that feels like

    lost

    and i lvoe my lost and that feels like

    tignly in my lower hav

    and i love my tingly lin my lower half
    and that felel slike

    riolling tummy

    and i love my rolling tummy and THAT feel like

    bludddy bah tangoue out
    a
    dni love my gontue out

    and that ells like

    omg woohah

    and i love my obmg owooha

    and htat feels like

    grrugle

    and ilove my gurlgel

    and THat feels like

    tingly tles

    giglle

    and i lvoe my intngly toes gillrgrle

    and i lvoe my tingly toes giggle and THAT feles like

    small giggle

    and i love my small giggl e of air reliev and i feel like and i love my feel like and ITHAT feels like omg like riding a horse and i love my riding a horse and that feels like terror and i love my torerror and that fels like tremble and i love my ttremble and THAt feels like discoiate afeter hunger and i love my disociate after uunger and that feel slike fear im unworthy and i love my fear im unworthy on my baakc and that feels like warmth up to the top of me and i lvoe my warmth up to the top of me

    and that feel ls like achy thigh and i love my achy thgih and that feels liek fear and i love my fear

    and that feels like breath out and i love my breath out a

    dn that feels like achy wrirst and i love my achy twrist

    and taht eeels like achy bones aoboce teeth and ilove my achy bones about vetteh and taht feels like

    tightness by ymy pubic bone and i love the tightness by my pubiv bone

    and that feel likse embsarassmenta nd i love my ebmabarassment

    ad that feels like wet pussy and i love my wet upssy

    and tha feel s like hoding on tight in my middle and i love my holding on togiht in my middle and THAT feels like melting
    andt i love my melting

    and that feels like pleasure and i LOVe
    my pleasure

    andt hat feels like

    tingly and i loce my tingly

    and tath felels like toes tingly and comforter writst and i lov emy toes tingly and comfortter writsts
    a
    dnt aht feels like tingly puvic area and i love my tingly bpubic areas and that feels like squeezing tummy and i love my suqueezing tummy and That feels like head lifting off of body and i love my head lifting off og body and THAt feels like head thwron back and i LOVe m head thrown back and that efeels like

    warmness and i love my warmness

    maybe its kundaline



  9.  #9lilybelle on March 10, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    854: Siren Song (from previous)

    Holy Hannah! How do you feel about this turn of events?



  10.  #10siren song on March 10, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    i feel super-weird. and good.

    wow, these tools work. boundaries work.



  11.  #11siren song on March 10, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    i feel super-weird. and good.

    wow, these tools work. boundaries work.



  12.  #12siren song on March 10, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    gotta go! have a date!!



  13.  #13Butterfly Wings on March 10, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    Yay Siren Song! Woohoo congrats! xxx



  14.  #14Siren Angel on March 10, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    Wow! So much to catch up on and a new thread up! Leaning back while M is in the shower still on vacation location with him and his kids. He had a male friend over with friends kids and I practiced being a Siren πŸ™‚

    I wish I had invited Lizka or Lilybelle here… Could have been fun!



  15.  #15Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    i am the honorable Daria and im beautiful



  16.  #16Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    I am totally on board with this article. My man will worhsip me as a goddess. I am spiritual portal. He is material leader.



  17.  #17Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    i met a man last nite

    he really liked me

    he can cook1 yay!

    and hes successful in his medical mj venture
    i’
    ts really professional

    he owns stuff

    and he seemed a bit stigny – feels scary!

    i dint want to worry about money!

    love to me



  18.  #18Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    everybodys having stupid sex and i feel resentful

    i dont have stupid asex and i dont have sex ugh

    i feel so frustrtated

    i love having sex with me more now too

    ummmmm

    love to me so much

    i am so sexu

    i am in luuuurve with myself



  19.  #19Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    i am such a weirdo!

    i HATE being called a weirdo

    i feel so unoworthy!

    ouch!



  20.  #20Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    im studying for the LSAT right now im gonna get a perfect score and go to Harvard Law school and then im gonna transfer after one year to the math dept. cuz i want a masters in math and my dad would feel so jiced if i went to harvard. and i can take 2 years off to go study in brazil. then come bakc and complete at harvard

    and then ll always be authority



  21.  #21Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    *shrug* sounds like a plan!

    i got my book out i felt kinda bewildered i missed a problem



  22.  #22Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    ima do all my homework on here so u guys can see it too. write my esssays on here. hehe



  23.  #23Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    essay on marijuana. as a spiritual adviser marijuana is a trusted ally. shes the bravest of the plants right now.



  24.  #24Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    burning sage. i love sage. my new ally. sigh. of relief. life is magical. i am harry potter good.

    i am soooo intelligent. and beautiful. i was bred that way. and nwo im healing my fear that ima punk.

    im defeated

    defeated tribe πŸ™

    loserish

    loser

    all my peopoe are losers

    no were not

    but we thinkwe are

    i think i am

    too

    πŸ™

    shame

    hung

    pain

    too mich

    losig

    and trauma

    history

    feel

    love

    love

    love

    i heal everything

    i love me



  25.  #25Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    the crazy thing is they write about hella interesting stuff! like marriage:

    under Alexandrine doctrine (Pope Alexander III 12th century) medieval marriage practices:

    there were two kinds of contracts. ON the one hand, a binding and immediately effective union was created through the exchage of words of present consent (per verba de praesenti ). Neither the prior announcement of the intention to wed nor the solemnization conferred by Church ritual added anything to the validity and permanence of such a contract. On the other hand, a promise to marry was expressed by words of future consent (per verba de futuro). Such a contract might be terminated by the agreement of the parties or by a subsequent de presenti agreement.

    Im gonna do my futuro so i can check it out first.



  26.  #26Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    you dont TRUST ahhh nv attack!

    ahhh bash



  27.  #27Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    i feel resentful of you humans that yoyre not taking care of me when im sick



  28.  #28Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    i love every bone in my head



  29.  #29Lizka on March 10, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    Hi Siren Angel!!!

    Happy you’re a siren at the cottage! πŸ™‚



  30.  #30Siren Angel on March 10, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    I meant invited Lizka and Lilibee!

    Hi Lizka, it’s not easy being a Siren with 5 kids around… All is good though. Keep reminding myself to stop DOING so much, compensating with FMs when I DO, so it’s good. Looking forward to some quiet time tomorow night mentally making plans for myself.



  31.  #31Siren Angel on March 10, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    I meant invited Lizka and Lilibee!

    Hi Lizka, it’s not easy being a Siren with 5 kids around… All is good though. Keep reminding myself to stop DOING so much, compensating with FMs when I DO, so it’s good. Looking forward to some quiet time tomorow night mentally making plans for myself.



  32.  #32Lizka on March 10, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    SA we have so much to catch up on each other’s life! Call me when you’re back ok?



  33.  #33Starla on March 10, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    Daria,
    going along with the system or going against it can both result in the same limiting stances and beliefs and ultimately breed the same thing when the scales are too tipped one way or another. all you can do is decide which concessions you want to make and what your own principles really are. there is good and evil in many things, but *we* individually get to decide if we choose to see something as good or evil as it relates to us and us alone as individuals.

    if you deny yourself certain things that would mean a lot to you just in an attempt to avoid being a punk trapped in and feeding a system, then you are only creating your own rigid and unfair system and trapping yourself in IT.

    this is a light and floaty a-moral territory for me.

    it feels so good to engage my big brain, my brain really likes it, and it feels so good to have such strong feminine energy roots to just feel like this great being of tremendous knowledge and beauty and wisdom.

    i feel like learning itself is a very feminine activity, but that might just be because it is a passion of mine.

    yum, learning.



  34.  #34Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    1. b

    2. d

    3. b

    4. a



  35.  #35lilybelle on March 10, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    31:

    πŸ™

    I’m hella fun! πŸ˜‰



  36.  #36Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    the en i want are scared of me. i want them for status

    can i just have a amn for status to show off . while i ride passanger side in a cool car. just for the fun and pleasure of it. i deserve it. i intend to believe i deserve it.



  37.  #37Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    my mind is unattractive.

    hmm!

    limiting belief!



  38.  #38Daria on March 10, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    actually my mind Is attractive



  39.  #39Daria on March 10, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    im feelin sleepyyyyyyyyyyeay πŸ™‚ i love my sleeapyeaye



  40.  #40Femininewoman on March 10, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    Congrats siren song. Just be sure to check in with your feelings before saying yes.



  41.  #41Tiffany on March 10, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    I missed a whole post! Will have to go back and catch up. What is happening with Siren Song?…



  42.  #42Tiffany on March 10, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    Memulo –

    to respond to your post from two threads ago, you wrote: (#235:)

    “Thank you. Yes I was talking about me in terms of spending time together-) Yes, this is what keeps on happening to me: lots of contact at the beginning, lots of beautiful meaningful words and then withdrawing. Do you know how to deal with this?”

    Oh, man. If I knew the answer to this, I would be the oracle of all love and dating coaches….

    To me, I guess that’s what this blog is all about. How to keep our head when guys are confusing. Cd-ing so the the withdrawing doesn’t bother us so much.

    I think that may be kind of the key. If the withdrawing bothers you, then it’s a problem. If it doesn’t, then it’s a non-issue. So getting yourself into a kind of a mental place where a guy can withdraw and it has little or no effect on you – maybe you don’t even notice – that guy is going to notice YOU, because you are not making a big deal out of his actions….



  43.  #43Tiffany on March 10, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    Oh, dear.

    Reading what I just wrote to Memulo, I am feeling like I may have just screwed up this wonderful thing that’s been happening with OM, even more than I can say..

    Yikes, and I hope I’m just scared. I feel mad at my NVs. Why are they being so active? Why are they trying to create drama where there is none? Why are they making a big deal out of nothing, and more to the point, why am I even listening, never mind responding to them? Argh….



  44.  #44Tiffany on March 10, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    OM and I had three dates in this past week….

    It’s all been going really well, and I’ve enjoyed the pace, and feeling like he wasn’t pushing me at all into something sexual. But then – and here’s where I think things get tricky – I went down to his house last night.

    He invited me for dinner to celebrate a friend’s party. And that was really nice! It was a pretty big gathering – about 30 people.

    There was one fantastic moment during dinner. His friend was joking about “plus-ones” and kept adding on extra “plus-ones” (twos and threes) for OM. I laughed and said I didn’t feel threatened. And his friend looked at me admiringly and said, “now that’s some confidence!” That felt great….

    What didn’t feel great was that, after the dinner, I went with OM back to his house, which was much better than me traveling home, which would have taken forever. And we had fun time cuddling on the couch and watching a short video. Then we started getting ready for bed….And he didn’t have any pants for me to wear to bed. I had on jeans. Maybe I should have just kept them on. But I took them off. And I think it was just way too sexy. He got super excited.

    He didn’t try to have sex with me or anything. But he did push me way further than I wanted to go. and even when I said no, he wore me down, and I was tired, and I eventually said yes.

    Now I resent him, and I feel angry – if I think about it – because I feel like he should have known somehow and backed off (like for example, when I said, “no, I don’t want to do that”). But now he says that he has no regrets and that he actually liked it. Well, of course he liked it! I feel indignant.

    Does it not matter that I feel exposed, scared, afraid? I feel tired, used and unacknowledged?

    We ended up not getting to sleep until 3 a.m. Or rather, I didn’t. He fell asleep before that, but I couldn’t. I was too charged up.

    We had plans for tonight, also. Or we had talked about doing something. But then he called me today to say that he was too exhausted to come and do the thing with me that I really wanted to do.

    Then I felt bad.

    I ended up talking on the phone with him for almost two hours. I felt better after we hashed out some of the details from last night. But on the other hand, I don’t feel better. Because I don’t think we really got anywhere.

    I just feel bad about what happened. I want to say that I don’t know why I didn’t say no, except that I DID say no. And he won’t acknowledge that he had some role in pushing me along – even if it was also my choice to go along with it. What could I have done to make him hear my no? Why wasn’t he listening to me? (I am asking the air. I don’t know the answer to that question…was I listening to me? Did I mean it? Or did I mean, and not believe it?)

    Now I feel uncomfortable because he is NOT my boyfriend yet. At least, we haven’t taken the time to define our relationship in that way. Even though he says that he is not going anywhere and that he is only interested in dating me and not dating anyone else. I really appreciate that….

    On the other hand, my “boyfriend” (I like to think) would have listened to me, and would have had my best interests at heart, and wouldn’t selfishly have tried to get some sexual action out of me that I didn’t want to give, and would have instead advised me that we should sleep, since we both were really tired….Or maybe I am just making up a huge, impossible expectation for him to live up to, which he can never live up to. Or maybe I am expecting him to do for me what *I* should have been doing for me, and couldn’t or didn’t in that moment. Am I expecting too much, or not enough? Am I only setting him up to fail?

    Maybe I want him to fail. Because if he can’t do everything right, then I can reject him. And if I have some reason to reject him, he can reject me. And here’s the most bizarre thing I just thought about – maybe I am actually better at taking rejection than I am at being accepted. I know how to deal with rejection. I hate it and it feels awful. But at least I know how it feels, and I know what to do with myself when it happens.

    Acceptance? I don’t know the first thing about it. I told him things that my NVs tell me are unacceptable. Yet he still likes me and wants to hang out with me. I don’t know what all this means….it is so scary to me. I feel lost, confused, bewildered.

    And maybe I don’t feel this way because I made a bad call, or I made a “mistake” or I made a decision in the moment that had certain consequences. Maybe I feel this way because I honestly don’t know HOW to feel when someone accepts me for who I am, INCLUDING all my mistakes, my foibles, my “bad” qualities, and even when I’m cranky and tired…I don’t know what that means, and I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know how (or if) to communicate any of this…

    The truth is, if I don’t think about it at all, then I don’t feel bad about what happened last night. It happened. That was all. I made a decision. Then I had to make other adjustments. I did what I could to take care of myself. I wanted to go out tonight, but maybe it’s better that I’m not. Maybe it is better that I stay in and take care of myself, because I have had a long and busy week, too, just like him.

    I feel like I am going back and forth on this. Sorry to pick this all apart on the blog….

    I was glad that he talked to me about this for 2 hours. But that was actually too much. After a while, it was like beating a dead horse, and I wasn’t enjoying it. I wanted to move on…now I just hope that he doesn’t think I was really making a big deal out of him not coming out tonight. Because it’s not a big deal. Although I am disappointed, but ultimately it is not a big deal, because I’ve spent so much time with him this week already, and I know that he likes me and wants to spend time with me. I don’t know if he’s my soul mate. I don’t know if he’s my boyfriend. I don’t know if he’s perfect for me or not.

    Nobody’s perfect. I have to keep reminding myself about that….I wonder if I can accept him? I wonder if I can accept him if he’s not perfect? I wonder if I can still like him, even if he does something “wrong” that hurts me, or makes a mistake in a way that I don’t like? Can all of that be okay in the light of all tiny wonderful things that he does every day, and not to mention the fact that, after he did make me feel uncomfortable, he did do a really good job of making me feel better??…

    I don’t know….All I know is, I’m tired right now, and this siren needs to go to sleep. 8:30 at night, and I am dead tired, and that is all I am going to do right now, because I don’t have energy for anything else.

    And we’ll see how I feel in the morning.

    But surprisingly, I did NOT hate him when I woke up next to him. I liked him a lot, still. I don’t even hate him right now. I don’t even hate myself. I want to be angry, and I want everything to be “wrong” and “messed up,” and the truth is, it isn’t.

    My NVs are squirming and dying as we speak….

    There isn’t enough poison in me to feed to them anymore. I just hope that they haven’t created irreparable damage already….and I hope I can recover and keep my head high with dignity after this.

    I think that is what I am most afraid of – losing my dignity. And I lose it by letting a man see my body. Or I gain it by letting a man see my body. I’m not sure…

    But I do know this: that whatever happens with him, or doesn’t happen, I’ll be okay. It doesn’t matter if he, or anyone else is on my side, because *I* am on my side. I am my best friend. And I am taking care of me….by going to sleep.

    Good night! xo



  45.  #45Tiffany on March 10, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    Just one more thought for the night…

    I’ve been thinking about commitment and the level of commitment that I want (for example, what’s the level of commitment that would cause me to stop dating other people a la Rori?)

    So here are some levels I’ve come up with…

    1.) “I like you. Let’s be friends and see where it leads…”

    2.) “I like you and a want to date you and only you, and see where it leads….”

    3.) “I like you and I’m pretty sure that I love you, and I’m thinking about marriage, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet….”

    4.) “I like you and I love you, and I feel so connected to you that I want to marry you and make sure that I don’t lose you to someone else.”

    5.) “I am committed to marrying you and making a life together.”

    6.) Actually doing it. (see #5)

    Okay, so the level of commitment that I want – that I really, really want – is #6. Obviously. Well, maybe not obviously. But it’s true. And maybe I am “settling” and “talking myself down” to being happy with “less.” I can hear some little voice part of myself saying that asking for #6 is “too much.” Even though I know it’s not. And not only is it not too much – it is PERFECTLY REASONABLE. And not only am I allowed to ask for that, I am allowed TO RECEIVE IT as well. (that voice part sounds an awful lot like my mom, btw….just saying).

    So those are the levels that I can see. I think level 3 is what would get me to stop seeing other men. Well, level 2 might do it, if the guy seemed really committed to the process. But I wouldn’t start closing off my options and planning for kids yet, for sure…But maybe I should really hold out for #6! Would even a proposal not really do it for me, because I need him to follow through with it! – not just make the promise…

    I think OM is at level 2. At least according to what he said. I haven’t stopped seeing other guys. But I also haven’t been on any other dates in the past week. And luckily, I haven’t mentioned my status on this to him, even though he shared his with me….

    And I wonder what the levels of my commitment are? Could they be the same?

    What do other sirens think about this topic? Any thoughts?



  46.  #46Daria on March 10, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    dear ladies… i have never in my life “just’ had the sniffles and weakness for this long without falling out sick

    the quail eggs are working ona deep level

    i feel so powerful

    medicine woman

    and i did some reverse abdominal breathing exercises and directed my wei chi to healing and immune system building and omg it got me feeling so good when i did it wow super power

    i did like hella breaths tho it felt so good



  47.  #47Brenda on March 10, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    Francesca,

    Been reading ur comments. Don’t always respond. How u doing?



  48.  #48Lizka on March 10, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    This date with ModelCD is weird… Been flirtin more with his friend (Dicaprio) than him… Actually Dicaprio been flirting more with me…



  49.  #49Daria on March 10, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    i thought i was gettin sick but now im not and why. why? because im so fly

    how fly? the flyest thing since childbirth



  50.  #50Daria on March 10, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    i know that you CANNOT get like me



  51.  #51Daria on March 10, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    o fee; tearu eued at ,u ex[ressive vulgar self

    ohh yabadabadoo



  52.  #52Daria on March 10, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    u ugys i took a apple cv bath. yumeroo. with candle

    and smoked weed in the tub.

    and then was trippin like its an earthquake

    and also felt hella magical and now feelng so much better

    thot about what a genius i really am

    now im meeing men interested in building their own homes

    like me πŸ™‚

    weee



  53.  #53Daria on March 10, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    men who mighta called me but im in the tujb and alos i forgot

    πŸ™‚

    im attracted to the other men and also im creating new rituals around myself. like smoking in the tub. and having sage. omg i love sage.

    me and sage equals omg i love you



  54.  #54Daria on March 10, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    x + Y + 2 z = 56

    z = 2 y

    x + 5Y = 56

    if x = pimp + 5(hoes) = 56 gz ? hmm kina weak huh

    still tho not that weak i mean they coulda been part time



  55.  #55Daria on March 10, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    my brain is crazy *shrug*

    sorry if it oiffends yall

    hi brain

    i feel embarassed of you in certain social settings

    i feel so ahsamed of that

    i abandon you brain

    i act like youre not worthy

    youre not my friend

    cuz i dont want to not be loved by these people

    so i cut you off brian

    of mg youe makig noises in my ear

    im sorry brain

    please forgive me

    thanj you

    i love you

    im sorry

    please forgive me

    thank you

    i love you

    this reminds me of being on my knes being abused or something

    like getting hit

    πŸ™

    umffff

    plft

    brushes off

    i love me

    i dont have to do that

    i refuse to be in my body

    i love me



  56.  #56Daria on March 10, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    im a very passionate person

    ole



  57.  #57Daria on March 10, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    i havent been reading anything. i will be going back and reading never you fear. i love reading.



  58.  #58Daria on March 10, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    life is good when you take 40 min apple cider vinegar baths.

    40 min is the magic number

    20 is ok but 40 is beter

    the best



  59.  #59Lizka on March 10, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    I was feeling disappointed that nothing happened with ModelCd at this date. It was more friendly. But actually, the fact that I haven’t kiss him means I can still accept invitation from Dicaprio and Dicaprio seems pretty interested.

    I haven’t feel a deep connexion like that with a man in years seriously. The way he looks at me and the way hr hold me in his arms. He also told me that there was something special. Just bad I feel afraid it’s a bad timing…

    I’m going to dream of our eyes contacts and crazy intense connexion and I will tell you more about it tomorrow.

    Oh and PS, I’m having breakfast with ATW tomorrow morning…

    That makes a lot of dates in just one weekend…



  60.  #60Daria on March 11, 2012 at 12:00 am

    i am the goddess with a horses mane. eeruone is horrified by me. nobody pays attention to me. everyone pays attention to me. i feel alone in the fast moving subway

    i feel afraid

    all the time afraid that my feellow humans mihgt turn on me

    *sigh

    πŸ™

    thrid world country real

    better than depression tho

    love me

    love me

    love me

    i am a drop of water in the desert

    i ma tear

    i love my tear

    wow

    that felt reliving

    it ok for me to feel pain

    i love my pain!

    its ok to call it pain

    mmm

    its ok to be me

    sigh

    memmm feels good

    oh tight again

    oh soon i will have sex again

    i want sex sex sex

    that word is sooooo COOOL

    snakey

    e XXX stop! haha

    forbideen

    sex!

    what did they call it before

    making love?

    mating

    i feel open to mate

    i feel open to practice mating

    itd feel great to talk to any interested feellas

    **

    lolalala

    im spending my time expressing myself

    ona compy

    i wanna go upstairs now cuz its starting to feel cold ag bit



  61.  #61Daria on March 11, 2012 at 12:07 am

    feelow homuan wont you stop oprressing me

    wont you stop hurting me

    im so scared

    of my deellow humans

    :((



  62.  #62Daria on March 11, 2012 at 12:08 am

    okay we get it you come forom a rouh culture we get it you dont have to keep talking about it
    geez

    you annoy me

    dismiss



  63.  #63Daria on March 11, 2012 at 12:10 am

    stop complaining

    no one gets to complain

    at the internement camp

    what if you were at an interment camp

    would you survieve?

    or waht. are you ready

    stay ready

    so you dong have to get ready



  64.  #64Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 1:07 am

    “But that requires ditching the Lois Lane syndrome, where we ignore the attractions and attention of Clark Kent because we’re so eager for the occasional fly-by from Superman.”

    Very interesting article.



  65.  #65Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 1:17 am

    From the last blog as we have started up another overnight!!

    Ella

    I loved your weight loss article on the website, thought your after photo was a little fuzzy though and doesn’t really show your figure off we,, why don’t you get professional AFTER photo’s done, there are often deals with Groupon or get a friend to take some good photo’s. I just wondered how tall you are?

    Brenda

    Why do you feel such an obligation to visit these men in prison when you clearly just don’t want to go? Is it some kind of guilt you are suffering because you are a Christian and you feel it is your duty?

    FW said it well:

    “Brenda – no need to throw away your past. It no longer exists, except in your memory.”

    You have a new little house and are looking for a new job, why not a new start and put your past on the back of your horse along with the men? All of them. Look for high energy uplift in your life from now on, now low energy drains on your spirit.



  66.  #66Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 1:18 am

    Ella – figure off *well*

    Brenda – *not* low energy drains………..



  67.  #67Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 1:35 am

    Turquoise

    You are doing so well, you must be so proud of yourself the way you handled your ex and his POF message and of course it is going to hurt, but you will get there, I hear your strength in your posts.

    LiliBee

    I am in awe of how far you have come in such a short time, in awe you Siren you!!

    Lizka

    I love to read your posts, you are such a fun girl running all over the city and partying like it’s 1999!! πŸ˜€

    FW

    You give such great advise and I like it when you bring your “personal” stories on board, it feels like I get to see a little more of you. πŸ™‚

    siren song

    Wow, just wow!!! And big congratulations!! πŸ˜€

    And everybody else, I so love to read your stuff on here, really I do. πŸ™‚

    Anybody heard from SLV lately? Or Zara or Silver Tongued Siren? So many sirens MIA or maybe they are just having too much fun!!

    The decal came for over my bed yesterday and today I am going to put it up, I’m a bit nervous as I am not exactly the “handyman” type, and it’s huge!! Yikes!!!

    http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Live-If-Its-Your-Last-Day-Quote-Inspirational-Wall-Sticker-Decal-Transfer-/290614627090?_trksid=p3286.m7&_trkparms=algo%3DLVI%26itu%3DUCI%26otn%3D3%26po%3DLVI%26ps%3D63%26clkid%3D6922523945646299359

    Sometimes I wish I had a husband or a man to do the handyman things, like putting up a curtain rail, fixing the drawer that sticks, etc. Sigh……..



  68.  #68LiliBee on March 11, 2012 at 1:45 am

    “the Lois Lane syndrome, where we ignore the attractions and attention of Clark Kent because we’re so eager for the occasional fly-by from Superman.”

    Maybe I should give my Clark Kent (W cd) more serious consideration.
    He shows all the signs of honesty, loyalty and high values.



  69.  #69LiliBee on March 11, 2012 at 1:48 am

    67:

    Thank you SM! Mouah! xox πŸ™‚



  70.  #70LiliBee on March 11, 2012 at 1:52 am

    67:

    SM,

    Zara popped in for a quick post or 2 on the last thread.
    I miss SLV and Laughing Goddess πŸ™



  71.  #71LiliBee on March 11, 2012 at 1:57 am

    59:

    Lizka, You are a cd magnet! Rarrr πŸ˜‰



  72.  #72LiliBee on March 11, 2012 at 3:31 am

    Went out to dinner and danceclubbing with my 2 girlfriends tonight.
    There was a guy eyeing me since the second he saw me, I returned eye contact and smiled πŸ™‚
    I flirted with him a little bit.
    I disappeared for almost an hour and when I came back, there was a blond lady flirting with him real close.
    He saw me and started eyeing me again while with the blond. He seemed to have gotten with her just coz he thought I had left was looking like he was regretting it.
    Why do men always have a ‘2nd best’ backup girl?
    That feels so degrading.

    But anyway it’s reeeaally OK, thank God, coz I would have gotten in trouble.
    He looked exactly like D. He even had my favourite shirt of D’s on.
    I would have gotten in trouble coz it’s the time of the month where my hormones are through the roof!
    I was watching him dance, and he had the moves in those sexy jeans.
    I felt the urge to take him to his car, throw him in the backseat and ride him like he has never been ridden before!

    So thank goodness I got an hour of distraction and he hooked up with someone else to save me…and thank goodness D is on vacation.
    I would be so easy right now, my boundaries w s3x would be out the window.

    I’ve heard all the talk about women reaching their s3xual peak in their 40s.
    Now I know what that was all about!
    I’m climbing the walls being single.
    I’ve felt this way since I turned 40.
    I know that it is all hormones. I feel it physically, and it has nothing to do with my emotions.
    I used to have urges only in the presence of a man I had feelings for and physical contact.
    Now it just overwhelms me just by looking at a sexy man from far, or even with no man in sight!

    I used to judge people who had FWB and it was a big NO for me.
    Honestly, I’m starting to consider it.



  73.  #73Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 3:50 am

    #72 LiliBee

    Mouah to you too!! πŸ™‚

    I believe from much reading on this blog that you can only do FWB’s if you can be TOTALLY Rock Star chick about it, otherwise the oxytocin takes over and drives you hormonally crazy and you get back into the place/space that brought you here in the first place…….that’s my 2 cents anyway.

    Personally I wouldn’t do it for this very reason……..



  74.  #74Sun Goddess on March 11, 2012 at 3:57 am

    I agree with Silvermoon BM, eventually one person develops feelings for the other in an FWB situation and it can get messy. I lost a good friend by making him my FWB.



  75.  #75Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 4:08 am

    #74 Sun Goddess

    How is your health these days? I am almost sure you are the Siren facing surgery for cancerous cells?? If not please ignore.



  76.  #76Sirenity on March 11, 2012 at 4:42 am

    I believe there is a BIG difference in me CHOOSING to be FWB with someone for “reasons of my own”..ie (NOT out of heart ache or because of being rejected by someone else) and finding myself in a default FWB position,after the fact, because he was uncommitted and seeing other people .

    I am currently considering a FWB possibility because I need to get back on my sexual horse after some challenging physical problems over the last two years.
    I have a hot friend who I dated for a while a few years ago. This feels very possible for me as I know I would be respected and I would have fun and the true benefits (apart from the actual sex) would be all MINE. (Sexual confidence, flirting practice, dumping the “old” tag I gave myself, getting past my neo-virginal state πŸ™‚ etc.)

    It all depends where you are coming from and whether it is negotiated up front i think.

    If i am coming from a place of curiosity and strength (not currently rejected or vulnerable ) I believe it would work.

    If there was a negotiated “understanding’ it would work.

    If it was on my terms and timing, ie i was a rockstar..it would work.

    If I am prepared to risk the long term future of the friendship..at least to some degree..then it may seem cold and calculated, but it could work.

    But if I started from a place of sadness or rejection, or neediness and was using the closeness of FWB to feel better it would NOT work for me. If it was on his terms, when he decreed, it would NOT work..If i fell into FWB hoping for love it most definitely would be doomed.

    Some here have been XWB (ex with benefits) and this is a loaded gun and it sounds dangerous to me. Others here have been benefiting certain “friends” without any negotiated arrangement it seems, and coming from places of pain and heartache . I think these situations are very hard to be a FWB . I thank you all for your salutary tales as it helps me a lot to get myself strong and ready to move forward.



  77.  #77Tiffany on March 11, 2012 at 4:48 am

    I am feeling sad and weird and confused. Can you help me?

    I am not sure if I should write OM off completely because of how I feel about Friday night. I feel pushed into doing more than I was comfortable with. Then I feel weird when he says he doesn’t want to apologize – that I made a choice and I said yes. And that’s true. BUT, I said yes when I was very, very tired, and only AFTER he pushed me and asked me, over and over and over again if he could do X. He wore me down, and I gave in. And I don’t think it was fair. I was at his house. I was on unfamiliar territory. he had no comfortable clothes for me to borrow. I did not like the situation AT ALL. But I pretended that I did, and that I was happy. But actually, I was not pretending at all. I told him I was tired and I didn’t want him touching X. He says he listened to me, but I don’t think he did. He says it wasn’t “sex” because he didn’t have an orgasm, and he refused when I offered that he should have one, too. Like that makes him a kind of a saint.

    I feel overexposed, vulnerable, weird. I even told him that I feel vulnerable. And that was good.

    In the moment, he said some things that made me feel okay.

    But right now, I am having trouble deciding what it should mean to me. Is this event so bad that I can never trust him again? Or was it a simple, honest, human thing, that could have happened to anyone, and it’s not the end of the world – or the relationship. It is a next step in a certain direction. Okay.

    And on the other hand, even if that’s true, it feels like we crossed the line. We crossed it too soon, and I wasn’t ready. and I told him I wasn’t ready. and he made me cross it anyway. Now he’s telling me that he liked it and it’s okay. nothing is wrong, because nothing happened. But something DID happen for me. and I feel pissed because it wasn’t what I wanted (even if I liked it) and I’m not even sure if I like HIM anymore, or if I want to see him again. Because how can I trust him? Or am I just looking for any excuse to fail him and make him wrong so I can reject him?

    I the problem that I feel vulnerable and I’m not okay with it?

    Thoughts?
    Help?
    Perspective?
    Please?



  78.  #78Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 4:51 am

    #77 Tiffany

    Bottom line.

    Nobody can “make” you do anything you don’t want to.



  79.  #79Sun Goddess on March 11, 2012 at 4:52 am

    75, silver moonbeam,

    I go back to the doctor in 8 days to decide what I am going to do. I’m hoping to be pregnant one last time though, and based on my recent conversations with LP and his dad it is a possibility in the near future depending on the level of risk it is healthwise. (LPs dad hinted at LP finally deciding he wants me and only me and that he would be doing the right thing soon)



  80.  #80Tiffany on March 11, 2012 at 4:53 am

    Hey, Sirenity! – YES! I believe FWB is totally okay, and a great option – if it’s your choice. That is, if that is actually the level of connection that you want. I’ve been there, too. I’ve been in a place I just wanted the physical connection without the emotional component or depth of intimacy. And of course, then it was him who wanted more! lol

    But the point is, you are right. If we are “settling” for FWB when we really want “more,” then it doesn’t serve us. But if we are choosing that because we want it, and it does serve our needs in the moment, then it is totally sireny. More than sireny. Goddess status.

    Have fun πŸ™‚



  81.  #81Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 4:54 am

    Just watching Dr Wayne Dyer “Excuses Begone!!” 13 x youtube videos uploaded from PBS.

    Never underestimate your power to change yourself.

    Never overestimate your power to change others.



  82.  #82Tiffany on March 11, 2012 at 4:56 am

    Okay. @silver moonbeam. I guess i feel confused inside – did I want to, or not? *sigh* and this probably isn’t a question that anyone else can help me answer….:(

    I just want to know what it means, what I should do, and how I should feel. I feel empty, vacant, and at a loss for direction. I knew where I was going, and then suddenly, it’s like I’ve been spun around so much, I don’t know what direction is which….



  83.  #83Tiffany on March 11, 2012 at 4:58 am

    I feel like ditching him – he’s just another selfish guy.

    Or am I hanging onto the old, archaic need to be “right” at expense of letting him be the guy he needs to be, i.e. having a relationship…..?



  84.  #84Sirenity on March 11, 2012 at 5:05 am

    Tiffany ,

    You said “yes” when you agreed to stay over , when you agreed to sleep in his bed .. IMHO..he did right to interpret that as a green light to keep trying to have sex with you.

    This is not a boundary violation as much as a failure to set them in the first place. Sorry i dont mean to offend , but i feel sorry for the guy getting mixed messages !!:)

    Would you have felt bored with him if he DIDNT try? I haver been hurt that a succession of guys DIDNT try with me ..because they were being respectful of my physical state i think..but it HURT that they didnt at least try to come on to me.



  85.  #85Francesca on March 11, 2012 at 5:07 am

    Brenda, I’m fine, thanks for asking!

    Except I know that this lost hour will take its toll on me all week…

    So I guess you decided to stay home after all?



  86.  #86Francesca on March 11, 2012 at 5:09 am

    Good point, Sirenity, especially the last paragraph.



  87.  #87Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 5:15 am

    #44 Tiffany

    I think it was Lena (??) who had a similar situation on the last thread.

    We get mad because we have crossed the boundaries we set for ourselves.

    Maybe you are more angry with yourself than with OM?



  88.  #88Tiffany on March 11, 2012 at 5:24 am

    Hm…Sirenity, that is a really interesting perspective, and I think there’s merit to that. I feel bad because I had a boundary, or an idea in my head of where or what the boundary should be, and I didn’t communicate it. Or I did, but I communicated around it, instead of stating it directly. Maybe I was afraid?

    And thank you for saying that you feel bad for the guy getting mixed messages. I do, too. I didn’t want to send a mixed message. And in some ways, I think the situation just led to that. but it is not accurate to say that i said yes to sex by sleeping in his bed.

    I very, very, very unequivocally said “no sex.” That was a 100% clear boundary. And we didn’t have sex. But what happened led to something sexual – for me. It’s hard to explain. I was participating, and that’s why I feel confused.

    I think what I should have said was just “I feel tired. I’d like to just cuddle and go to sleep now.” It probably would have been fine.

    I don’t know what I wasn’t able to say that.

    yes, poor guy. I warned him that I have “Issues” around sex. Now he is seeing them first hand.

    I just don’t know if this means I am going to push him away completely – I feel like running away as fast as I can and curling up into a little ball, all by myself on the top of a mountain.

    Or if I can somehow relax, stay put – STOP getting cerebral and “thinking too much” about it. And maybe just let it be the soft, amazing thing that it was. very surprising and unexpected.

    yes, you’re right that I probably wouldn’t feel great if he DIDN’T want me. That would make me feel bad, too. I won’t lie. I guess it is kind of awesome that he wanted me so much. And he wasn’t pushing for actual sex. But what happened was sexy and sensual for me – and I told him, it’s true: It scared me.

    I still need to get some sleep. I went to bed early, and now I’m awake, but it’s only 5:30 a.m.



  89.  #89Jilly on March 11, 2012 at 5:27 am

    Good morning Sirens!! πŸ™‚

    Tiffany…YUCK!!! I’m sorry πŸ™ you staying the night with him does NOT mean saying yes to anything else.

    Let’s get back to the basics here…

    Do you feel good with him?
    Do you feel safe?

    He is showing you who he is.



  90.  #90Tiffany on March 11, 2012 at 5:33 am

    @silver moonbeam #87 – thanks. Yes, I think it was Lena. this reminded me of her post, too.

    funny, I felt so compassionate toward her and told her she was a siren goddess anyway. And feel mixed feeling messages toward myself!

    On the one hand, I feel compassionate and forgiving. on the other, I am filled with rage, anger and resentment.

    I sent him a text before I went to sleep. “Yes, I feel angry.”

    Probably I shouldn’t have sent it. I felt so angry, I was punching my pillow.

    I got up at 4 a.m. to write him a letter, which I hope I don’t send. I think I pretty much just needed to write it for me.

    I don’t know how to respond to him now, because the demons I am really fighting are inside me. And they seem so big and scary, and I don’t even know what it is they are trying to tell me. but they are always unleashed by sex. When I have pleasure with someone, then I have to fight the demons. and sometimes I confuse the demons with the person who was there to give me pleasure, which is what makes them come out in force…I feel so bad for me that I have to go through this. Why can’t I just enjoy sex? I thought I was getting somewhere, to a place where I could accept it in my life, and now I’m not so sure.

    I am so afraid of sex. and yet I like it so much…

    Poor guy. Yes, he’s confused. And I am the most confused. I don’t know what is happening inside me, and I feel scared and alone. It makes me want to choose solitude. But that is not really what I want….



  91.  #91Jilly on March 11, 2012 at 5:34 am

    mixed messages my a$$ …

    I feel triggered and on edge reading about Tiffany’s experience. I’ve had a lot of experience with men who push for more and actually get more turned on the more we say no.

    I’m not sure if it’s an immaturity thing for him but I would really put that in the mental file…I think it speaks volumes of his character …

    that he didn’t want to apologize …because you said yes…that makes me feel icky..I would walk away if a man said that to me



  92.  #92Jilly on March 11, 2012 at 5:38 am

    ((((Tiffany))))

    Tif sweety….there are men out there who would love to make you feel safe and taken care of around being intimate and sexual. Wanting the timing to be right for you and being patient and loving.

    And let’s stop saying “poor guy”…I mean really…he’s a guy…



  93.  #93Jilly on March 11, 2012 at 5:40 am

    I would say you feel bad because you didn’t feel safe…not because it was sexual…

    Where’s Dominique?? πŸ™‚



  94.  #94Jilly on March 11, 2012 at 5:45 am

    Silver Moonbeam…yay..you received your decal?? I vaguely remember you talking about this…what does it say again? πŸ™‚



  95.  #95Tiffany on March 11, 2012 at 5:50 am

    Thanks, Jilly!

    Do I feel good with him?
    I have been feeling So good with him! I love being around him. He’s funny. He makes me laugh and feel comfortable. He even made me laugh last night. When I said I felt icky after, he said, “what can I do to make it better?” (or something like that)

    Do I feel safe?
    I’m not sure now. I want to. I wanted him to make me feel safe last night by NOT making a move on me. What happened makes me question my safety with him – that he wasn’t fully taking care of me. But then again, maybe *I* wasn’t taking care of myself. Only now I’m not sure where the failure occurred, with him or me…:/ And I know that I feel sad. Because I want/ed to feel safe. And now, instead, I feel threatened and very, very, very unsafe, emotionally and physically. But like sirenity said, that could be as much from me as from him. He was likely following my lead. And I think I was giving off other signals than I was really aware of…..:(

    (and by “other signals” I mean he didn’t think that I was tired, even though I was….in fact, I was too tired to even say, or to really be able to know what I wanted or what I wanted to do in that moment. My judgment is impaired by tiredness almost as much or more than with alcohol πŸ™ That’s why i don’t feel safe. I was beyond a point of being able to take care of myself properly. And instead of taking care of me, it feels like he used my lack of conviction (due to sleepiness) as his opportunity to just take what he wanted. Even if it wasn’t the best for me, or the relationship πŸ™ )

    He wants to “Fix it.” I don’t know how to let him.

    I don’t even know for sure if it’s broken. But I think it might be….



  96.  #96Jilly on March 11, 2012 at 5:57 am

    Tif…so maybe you can let go of “if it’s broken or not” and from here you can really focus on taking care of you and expressing yourself authentically and softly…

    and if you have been feeling good with him…I believe there is hope πŸ™‚



  97.  #97Jilly on March 11, 2012 at 5:59 am

    and you don’t need to know how to let him “fix it”…

    he will figure it out as long as you stay in your feelings



  98.  #98Francesca on March 11, 2012 at 6:04 am

    Tiffany @95

    “He wants to β€œFix it.” I don’t know how to let him.”

    Did you agree to have a discussion with him already?

    I would just listen to what he has to say.

    Then I would take a decision as to what I want to do afterwards.

    Just my two cents…



  99.  #99Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 6:08 am

    Tiffany,

    Thank you for your response to me.. I was away from the blog for a couple of days.. really really busy.. I want to tell you quickly to just please try to relax. Enjoy OM. It’s ok not to know everything and not to have marriage plans yet lol. I know if you wanted it to be different in your dreams and it wasn’t what you expected it may feel wrong. But from what you wrote it didn’t feel wrong to me. He is just a guy.. and it already happened. He really likes you. I got an email the other day saying that ‘uncertainty is a source of opportunity’. I believe it πŸ˜‰ If you could just try to accept that this is part of the journey and you both have to take it from here at this point. You still enjoy seeing him, right? You may want to hold off on the ‘next’ time.. believe me, he would want it as passionately as the 1st.. if not more πŸ˜‰ You will have a chance to practice boundaries.. because as he said he is not going anywhere πŸ˜‰



  100.  #100Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 6:11 am

    I am still very busy today but will check back a bit later. Tiffany hope you feel better. And if you can give yourself a break, i.e. watch a movie, do whatever without thinking about this I believe it would make you feel more balanced.



  101.  #101Jilly on March 11, 2012 at 6:14 am

    Memulo…how are things with smartCd? πŸ™‚

    Hi Francesca! πŸ™‚



  102.  #102lilybelle on March 11, 2012 at 6:23 am

    (((Jilly)))



  103.  #103Brenda on March 11, 2012 at 6:27 am

    Francesca,

    RE: #85 – I am going to psyche myself out that I didn’t lose an hour at all.

    No, I didn’t go. Maybe tomorrow.



  104.  #104Jilly on March 11, 2012 at 6:31 am

    ((((Lilybelle)))) πŸ™‚ goodmorning sunshine!



  105.  #105Francesca on March 11, 2012 at 6:47 am

    Hey Jilly! πŸ™‚



  106.  #106Francesca on March 11, 2012 at 6:53 am

    Thumbs up to you then, Brenda! πŸ™‚

    At least, it’s nice and sunny here today.



  107.  #107Brenda on March 11, 2012 at 7:12 am

    Silver Moonbeam,

    RE: #65 – In some ways I would like to. But with relationships, it just isn’t that easy. After 12 years, we have deep bonds.



  108.  #108Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 7:14 am

    Jilly!!!

    Thanks for asking.. things are good! He felt very sick and was afraid to make me sick, hence no meeting plans last week.. I went to visit him for a couple of hours last night, made him chicken soup from scratch, brought some pies that I baked for my family. He said it would heal him if he lied down with his head on my laps so we did that;) I could only spend a short time over there..

    Just got a text: Had a dream that an angel came. Slept a lot, feel much better now.

    Ahh what do I respond to that? ‘Feels good to hear that?’ or just a super smiley?



  109.  #109Brenda on March 11, 2012 at 7:18 am

    Daria,

    RE: #58 – “life is good when you take 40 min apple cider vinegar baths.”

    Now arrange for the same bath on the roof of a 60 mph train, and you’ll be even more fly! Weeeee! πŸ˜†

    (just being playful)



  110.  #110Brenda on March 11, 2012 at 7:19 am

    Francesca,

    Sunny and warm here, too!



  111.  #111Jilly on March 11, 2012 at 7:23 am

    Memulo

    For myself I would respond with…

    Awww…I feel soft warm and melty hearing that πŸ™‚

    or

    I feel soft and smiley hearing that πŸ™‚

    or

    I feel soft and melty hearing that πŸ™‚

    k they are all basically the same lol

    but I love those ones for expressing “thanks” but in a softer way



  112.  #112Jilly on March 11, 2012 at 7:25 am

    Goodmorning Brenda! πŸ™‚



  113.  #113Jilly on March 11, 2012 at 7:32 am

    Shar-lean way back…where are you?? πŸ™‚



  114.  #114Brenda on March 11, 2012 at 7:37 am

    Jilly,

    Good morning!



  115.  #115Brenda on March 11, 2012 at 7:42 am

    “The light at the end of the tunnel is your heart shining.”



  116.  #116Lizka on March 11, 2012 at 7:43 am

    SMB

    “running all over the city and partying like it’s 1999!! ”

    Hahaha first thing I read this morning. It made me smile!

    But… in 1999 I was 13 years old, wasen’t really partying! πŸ™‚



  117.  #117Luzydel on March 11, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Well i can say something here as I dated different types of men….

    Very successful men rarely have time for a relationship, and they want a woman who is more of the housewife type…Other men when they find out I have a master degree usually feel threatened because they just have a HS diploma even when they have good construction jbs etc. Last man I dated has an AS degree and was unemployed, was 5′ 4″ skinny, bad shape etc. still he was charming and had something that most likely wakes women’s nurturing habits. Guess what? he was the worst! he hated his body, when we went to the beach in summer all he did was complained about other men’s looks and that he did not look like that…He ended humiliating me the same way he humiliated himself, but I wanted to give a chance to the nerdy look “nice guy” Now I want a man I can look up to and I don’t mean that he has to be more successful or better looking, but he has to be confident and has his Sh&t together. I do not want another fixer upper!



  118.  #118Brenda on March 11, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Luzydel,

    Interesting experiences. That is really nice that you gave a chance to the nerdy guy. What I see in that is what matters more than looks, height, education, etc is really my level of confidence, and the same for my man.

    Confidence and loving myself in a healthy way is attractive, no matter what my other statistics.

    Other qualities essential to me are

    Honesty
    Respect
    Love
    Clear communication



  119.  #119Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Jilly,

    Thank you;)

    Still need to do a lot of catching up on the blog.. Lizka, you sound good πŸ˜‰

    Turquoise, I felt so much admiration for how you handled everything. Yes, perhaps your ex set up a POF profile, but he is asking you to dinner LOL.

    Starla,

    Thank you so much for responding to me on the last thread.. I hear you, guess just stopped believing in miracles lately, but it’s getting better πŸ˜‰



  120.  #120Leo on March 11, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Hello Ladies πŸ™‚

    Hope you all are doing great!
    Haven’t been online much…. had a lot of stress right now with my university stuff. But hopefully it’s better now! Miss writing and sharing here!

    Right now I have a question.
    My Man is staying with his mother over the weekend. We have been talking on the phone twice and exchanging a couple of SMS, especially at night, and most of the time he started texting. He sent some really cute ones.
    So today we sent two texts in the morning. I havent been online (on a messanger) much today, because I still have to write a paper and didnt want myself to get distracted. At noon ( i am from Germany) I was online for a little while. So, now I again turned it on and found a message from him from noon (I didnt get, because he sent it when I turend of).
    It says (doesnt translate good, but its similar to this): “So, you wouldnt actually be online finally?!”

    I mean…. this could be a joke…. or it could be a line from an annoyed man… as there is no tone I cant distinguish….

    So, I dont wanna be bitchy about it…. I mean… I felt yucky reading it.
    So should I just write it? But I also feel the urge of explaining why I wasnt online all day…

    Any idea/help, please?

    Greetings, Leo



  121.  #121Leo on March 11, 2012 at 8:54 am

    (posting this again…cause I dont understand why it went into moderation… so, sorry if it turns up twice)

    Hello Ladies

    Hope you all are doing great!
    Haven’t been online much…. had a lot of stress right now with my university stuff. But hopefully it’s better now! Miss writing and sharing here!

    Right now I have a question.
    My Man is staying with his mother over the weekend. We have been talking on the phone twice and exchanging a couple of SMS, especially at night, and most of the time he started texting. He sent some really cute ones.
    So today we sent two texts in the morning. I havent been online (on a messanger) much today, because I still have to write a paper and didnt want myself to get distracted. At noon ( i am from Germany) I was online for a little while. So, now I again turned it on and found a message from him from noon (I didnt get, because he sent it when I turend of).
    It says (doesnt translate good, but its similar to this): β€œSo, you wouldnt actually be online finally?!”

    I mean…. this could be a joke…. or it could be a line from an annoyed man… as there is no tone I cant distinguish….

    So, I dont wanna be bit**y about it…. I mean… I felt yucky reading it.
    So should I just write it? But I also feel the urge of explaining why I wasnt online all day…

    Any idea/help, please?

    Greetings, Leo



  122.  #122Starla on March 11, 2012 at 8:54 am

    my guy friend is becoming increasingly jealous of CF. today he referred to him as “my superhero savior” sarcastically when i told him a funny story about my best friend’s korean dad shaking cf’s hand and nodding enthusiastically when we left their house on christmas.

    my friend says he doesn’t have romantic feelings for me but i feel so pierced hearing “superhero savior”

    my friend also says it bothers him hearing about how everyone approves of CF and no one thinks he is wrong. wrong for what? wtf? i did not take the time to find out. i had to end that conversation for now cuz i started feeling really bratty and i have to get ready to see CF anyway:)



  123.  #123Dominique on March 11, 2012 at 9:05 am

    Tiffany – What happened has not a simple answer or even one question. Much has already been covered here. What I would ask you here is what have you been able to take away from this experience. You mentioned being more clear, maybe more assertive with your wants needs.

    I don’t think he was being respectful by continuing to push. You did say you felt uncomfortable going farther. Maybe you felt fear. Maybe you didn’t want to push him away in case he never came back. This is a trap many women fall into, thinking their sexuality is all or most of what they have to offer.

    In a way though men have trouble “being right”. They can be dam*ed if they do, and dam*ed if they don’t. If they push for sex, we say no, too soon. If they don’t we feel insulted and wonder what’s wrong with us, why doesn’t he want us.

    I’m wondering too if being in such a vulnerable position with him is what’s really bothering you, scaring you. Having an orgasm with a man, especially a new man is hugely vulnerable making and can stir up all kinds of stuff, fear. This is a big piece to consider here.

    You did find yourself in an awkward situation. Maybe staying with him wasn’t the best choice; maybe not insisting on separate sleeping arrangements would have been better. BUT YOU ARE NOT to blame for what happened here.

    What I want for you to do is NOT beat yourself up. Nor do I want you to blame him. I do want you to think about the lessons to be learned here, what you could have done or said differently (NO judgment). AND I want you to feel into the vulnerability you likely felt and still feel. There’s some really important stuff in there.

    xxoo



  124.  #124Lizka on March 11, 2012 at 9:24 am

    This is gonna be a loooooong day of holding my boundaries!!

    Will tell you later how he ended up here, but ATW woke me up at 10 am by rining at my door, he massaged me for TWO hours and is now in my kitchen cooking my favouritr breakfast while I am walking my dog and getting myself a coffee.

    There is no way I am sleepimg with him today. I give him a very good speech in FM. Very proud of me.

    Please sister sirens send me all the possible stregnht!

    Later for more details! xoxo



  125.  #125Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 9:51 am

    My best to you Lizka. Stay strong in your boundary



  126.  #126Sensual on March 11, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Hey Liska I believe it should be up to Dicaprio to talk to his friend about it if he really feels a connection with you…..don’t do the work for him, just keep building the connection! Also it shouldn’t be too hard since u haven’t kissed his friend yet ….good luck!



  127.  #127Tiffany on March 11, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Goooo Lizka! You got a two-hour massage! Sweet!

    And you are definitely not sleeping with him, if you don’t want to! πŸ™‚



  128.  #128Tiffany on March 11, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Thank you for the Siren Support!!

    This is not in his “defense” at all, but he did say something interesting, which is that, scientifically, everybody’s brains behave differently when they are aroused. And “aroused” can mean more than sexually. Also anger and any kind of emotional excitement. I believe this is true, and I know there is science to back it up. He is so nerdy that he mentioned it (I love his nerdiness!). But he didn’t exactly take ownership of the fact that maybe *he* was aroused, and was not quite thinking straight…

    @Dominique – yes, that is absolutely a huge issue for me. I feel sooooo vulnerable. And it just makes me want to hide and curl into a little ball. I don’t know what what I am afraid OF. I just know that I feel something that is very, very scary.

    And it’s not the fear of losing him. I’ve never fallen into that trap (that I’m aware of) where I think I “have” to do something in order for the guy to like me. If I say yes to something I don’t really want to do, it’s only because I convince myself in the moment that I do want it. If I don’t say no, then it isn’t because I don’t believe he will like me anymore if I do – it’s because I don’t believe he will listen to me or believe me if I say no…..so that’s something to think about.

    I did – afterward – take the blanket and pillow and try to sleep on the couch. But sleeping on the couch was unsuccessful also. I was only able to get to sleep after I put my jeans back on, and I asked him to rub my back lightly with his hand. He did this, and it calmed me right down. I was asleep in minutes….

    As I think I have mentioned before, I would have behaved entirely differently from start to finish if I had not already felt tired and drained…plus, I was in his house. And he didn’t have any comfortable pants for me to sleep in. I felt at a disadvantage already, even before the kissing began. and I was πŸ™

    Right now, I am still feeling shaky. Even after a good 10-12 hours in bed, I am having doubts about him. I feel better, and like I want to take care of me. But also like I need a break. Here’s an email I composed to him (we had tentative plans for him to come to my dance class on Thursday):

    Dear OM,

    I think that I need a break.

    I don’t know when I’d like to see you again. But I think I would feel more comfortable if you didn’t come to class with me on Thursday.

    I am not feeling 100% safe with you at the moment, and I need time to recover.

    Thanks.
    See you later, T.



  129.  #129Sensual on March 11, 2012 at 10:24 am

    So sirens, I did a 1 month commitment to full Sirenness as much as I could on feb 11 …at that time I wasn’t dating anyone! Oh my goodness, right now I have never had so many such high calibre CDs at once I feel like all the guys are chasing me and honestly there’s a handful of them amongst that I would probably marry tomorrow! 3 of them are regular dating CDs with a ton of potential I guess I’m at the point of taking some of these relationships a bit deeper …….or I suppose that’s their job!

    I’m definitely continuing on with the commitment……I do feel scared about not doing ANY initiation sometimes tho as I feel scared to come across as disiniterested (some guys can be insecure) and to allow the relationship to get disconnected by not contacting when he doesnt…also, the not asking any direct questions thing scares me sometimes too, in coming across as selfish and in not continuing the conversations with questions, but I do know that when I lean forward in these ways I feel uncomfortable now, so at least it’s not something Im going to be able to do very often at all now and I really take careful consideration before doing the slightest bit of “doing” .

    I am taking careful consideration over maybe texting ShyCD today…..I haven’t heard from him this weekend and I feel scared because he’s shy that I might need to give a little encouragement and assurance of my interest…..ooh I don’t know, I could easily not text him and go out with my girlfriends today…..I don’t feel any urgency to see him or speak to him, I just feel like doing the right thing and maintaining our relationship by send an encouraging poetic text about feeling adventurous and maybe going for a hike somewhere beautiful today ……hmmm decisions!



  130.  #130Tiffany on March 11, 2012 at 10:26 am

    I edited my letter. Instead of saying “100% safe with you,” I amended it to say, “I don’t feel 100% safe right now.”

    I think that’s better, because it takes the accent off of “you” and makes it about my feeling, instead of making him wrong…

    I feel afraid to send it! but also afraid not to….



  131.  #131Jilly on March 11, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Wow…yay Lizka πŸ™‚ came to your door??!!! WOW! They always come back lol



  132.  #132Sensual on March 11, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Oh and also in terms of feeling I can honestly say I’ve never felt better about life right now! My career is going insanely well, I have great friends because I lean forward and text my girlfriends instead of men! And all these men at once after me makes me feel good! Plus being not doing makes me really feel into my body and less in my head and start appreciating the little things in life al around like sunsets and beaches and trees and going for coffee with a good friend! Wool life feels great right now!



  133.  #133Jilly on March 11, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Sensual…wow!! yay!! sounds like a candy store out there πŸ™‚



  134.  #134Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 11:22 am

    #94 Jilly

    I just posted a pic over on the FB Siren page, man it was HARD to put up – I won’t buy another with script writing, it should have taken about half an hour but took more like three!!! It’s a little bit wonky just like me. πŸ˜€

    Live as if it’s your last day

    Dream as if you’ll live forever

    πŸ™‚



  135.  #135Tiffany on March 11, 2012 at 11:26 am

    He said that it was okay what happened on Friday because “he liked it” and “it was cool.” And he said, immediately after, that “we didn’t have sex.” And I have tried to explain, unsuccessfully, that my body doesn’t know the difference. I am still having a chemical and physical reaction as if we had. And if he doesn’t get the “benefit” of that, it’s not my fault. I said I didn’t want what he was offering, and he “gave it to me” anyway.

    I “participated.” But only in the sense that my body had a certain reaction to the stimulus. That’s all it was. And now I feel out of control and violated. Because I was up front and told him what the consequences were – and why I didn’t want it.

    Grrrrr.

    I was punching my pillow last night and yelling “b*astard!” But the truth is, I don’t even know who the “b*astard” was that I was talking to…it was like him, and myself, and a conglomeration of other men, some of whom I know and some I don’t.

    At least I feel better by asking for space. Because now I don’t give a cr*p if he calls me or not. If he texts me or not. There is nothing I want to give him now. I have no more interest in spending time with him. Because it’s not fun for me anymore. It has now entered serious and scary territory. And the only men allowed to be there are men who are strong. Men who can withstand what will come out of me. And men who seriously care for me and my well-being and are totally committed to who I am. I don’t know if that’s him yet. I don’t know him well enough to know.

    We seemed on the verge of defining ourselves as “boyfriend and girlfriend” last night, but we stopped short. I almost revisited the conversation, but I didn’t. If he truly wants me in all ways, and not just sexually, then he will let me know. And he will do what needs to be done. And I will feel safe.

    And then I can have fun again.



  136.  #136Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 11:31 am

    #116 Lizka

    1999 is an 80’s song by Prince, you weren’t even born then (1982)!! πŸ˜€



  137.  #137Jilly on March 11, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Silver Moonbeam…yay…I just saw it on FB…your colors feel calming and soothing..and I think it’s even better that you did it yourself…it adds a little something! πŸ™‚



  138.  #138Daria on March 11, 2012 at 11:47 am

    ugh i hate how im always judged on here! just thinking about other ppl reading my comments and judging

    im making it all up!

    love to me



  139.  #139Tiffany on March 11, 2012 at 11:51 am

    @ Sensual – hm, that sounds great!

    I wonder if I should “lean forward” and text my friends more often. I don’t usually lean forward with my friends, either. I kind of bring the “leaning back” concept into my friendships as well. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve had a few friends cancel on me recently or in the last year, and it has never felt good. I don’t know how to respond to that in a cool way, because I am usually taking it personally.

    Anyway. But that’s a whole other topic….you go, girl!



  140.  #140Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 11:53 am

    #136 Jilly

    Oh no it is not my own work!!! I bought it from an eBay shop and it was so big I got in a mess with the sticky back and stuff LOL!!

    It all looked soooo easy peasy on the video of how to apply, but that one was a quarter of the size of mine and was more of a block than letters.

    I picked aqua script to tone in with my bedroom which is all aqua and white, yes it feels very calming to me too. πŸ™‚



  141.  #141Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    #107 Brenda

    Then Kenny must be meeting one of your basic needs as talked about by Tony Robbins and Chloe Madanes on the Intervention videos.



  142.  #142Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    #128 Sensual

    Go Siren!!!!!



  143.  #143Daria on March 11, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    i secretly am very vicious, so yu dont wana know what i Really think. u cant handle the truth. so ima cater to you like to a toddler.

    pattern thinking



  144.  #144Daria on March 11, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    i feel so angry!

    i feel so happy and good

    eating cinnamon with sugar helps . a LOT. totally cuts the adverse affects of sugar. im putting the cinnamon on my hand and licking it off. its kinda mf.

    wow im so smart

    and im so not sick

    i findally found a cure for the common cold! buildign my strength with quail eggs!

    omg

    this is soooooo cool

    i am a master physician

    woooo

    go meee

    goo meeee

    i feel teary eyed

    i feel twitchy tummy

    i feel so embarassed
    to be having these emotions

    in front of you

    it feels embarassing to feel good about myself and exhuberant around people

    omg

    wow

    i dont want to feel that way

    i want to feel comfortable around people

    out in public



  145.  #145Daria on March 11, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    my sexy real self is like a 5 year old princess πŸ™ *pout pout*



  146.  #146Daria on March 11, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    kitten roar

    rarrrgh

    im sexy and i know it!

    i feel so angry at my sister

    im having fantasiez of fighting with her

    or maybe fears

    hallucinations

    ugh

    πŸ™

    i hate my life!

    i hate that im not like super man so that when somoen attacks me, i can pin their arm behind their back until they say sorry and give up

    umf

    i wana DOOO That

    i got left at that level on the playground and came to the freakin usa

    and i never learned how to tiwst ppl arm behind their back wihc is what i wanted to learn

    to restrain someone violent

    umfffie

    umf

    i feel so

    something

    i feel moved

    i feel moved

    i feel expoesed

    i feel unworthy

    i feel horrified

    how dare i show this to these non understadning ppl who dong give a fuchk about me

    how dare i show my real self

    i feel good

    i can just whow it

    its ok to not be hidden

    its ok

    whatever i want is ok

    yay

    ok whe
    w



  147.  #147Daria on March 11, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    im not gonna be punished?

    the worst is not gonna come true?

    itd ok to come outta hiding?

    im not gonna be obliterated by an astroid>

    ?



  148.  #148Dominique on March 11, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Tiffany – I’m not getting that this is a bad guy or even necessarily a disrespectful one even though he behaved disrespectfully. A younger man can become overwhelmed by his hormones, and not that I excuse the pressure he exerted on you, it is something to consider.

    Wait a bit on the letter maybe. See how you feel in the next few days.

    xxoo



  149.  #149Daria on March 11, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    its totally ok now

    there is no reason to fear death now

    there is no reason to fear anything

    its ok

    we are rewiring the nervous system for JOY

    come live here! with us

    in awesome bodyland



  150.  #150Sun Goddess on March 11, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Wow, I would have thought LP would have wanted to see me before I left for five days, but I guess he is man caving it since he brought up such serious talks about our future on Friday.



  151.  #151Brenda on March 11, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    Moonbeam,

    Yes, more than one need. I love Kenny very much.



  152.  #152Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Leo I would just take it that it is a simple straightforward question. You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to but at the same time don’t build any stories around it. I believe it is a thought that you might have in your head and not necessarily from the words on the screen.



  153.  #153Daria on March 11, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    im having so much FUN! w myself ! and my new rituals. hehe

    im so glad that word was sued. it inspired me . i feell full of giggles weeee

    ok now im gonna tap on

    something i discovered

    in my culture its considered dumb to be happy

    and dumb is very very looked down upon

    so now im gonna EFT on that.



  154.  #154Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    BTW What ATW did is what guys get to do when we are exclusive. They get all the benefits of a real relationship without having to do any work. It might be an unconscious agreement but it is there.



  155.  #155Daria on March 11, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    i feel embarassed im fighting with erika and im actually using her eft style that i seen in her videos a lot

    i feel like a copycat

    ima loser

    sigh

    anyway

    im also a pirate

    pirate feels better than loser

    rarrrgh

    i love the pirate look



  156.  #156Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Brenda I would look at this to see if it is a pattern. Bouncing between 2 recycle cds.
    Reaching to one when the other is not “there”.
    Going immediately into the love “story”.

    Then find out the belief or what it is that I am telling myself why I play out these patterns.



  157.  #157Daria on March 11, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    i choose to look smart feeling happy πŸ™‚

    yay

    everyones like look at that smart girl shes being happy

    thats what i want

    weee!!



  158.  #158Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Sun Goddess he might also be planning some kind of surprise for you.



  159.  #159Daria on March 11, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    EFT rocks right now! πŸ™‚



  160.  #160Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    “Does he have to be “more” than you?”

    As posted in this article.

    Yes, I don’t want anybody “less” than me for then I will have no respect for him.



  161.  #161Daria on March 11, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    who eats 5 raw quail eggs for breakfast! me me me!

    who repeats herself a lot! me me me!

    ugh

    its shameful to be happy about the same thing over and over Daria

    i love my ruthless enforcer voice

    i give myself permission to be happy about the same things over and over

    and i allow myself to look good and smart doing it

    and sexy



  162.  #162Daria on March 11, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    everyman is less than you as you are on a pedestal … the Goddess



  163.  #163Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    #128 Sensual

    Where are you meeting these quality men? Organically or on a dating site? If the latter then please do share. πŸ™‚



  164.  #164Daria on March 11, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    so respect everyman and you can respect him



  165.  #165Siren Angel on March 11, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Hello Sister Sirens!

    I am backing from vacation with M and his kids. We had an awesome time. I was a leaned back Siren, totally a Godess, Feeling creature (most of the time) and it was amazing!



  166.  #166Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Lilibee I don’t want to argue with you on the hormones subject but I believe that the way we feel is partially because of the stories we tell ourselves. I remember talking myself out of being turned on. I also believe that our brains is our biggest and best sex organ. I had a cd tell me that we had already had sex though we had never slept together or been in a bedroom together. It was all based on conversations and my practicing being open about what I feel in my pelvis area when in his presence and when talking to him. Just yesterday he asked me a question and I responded with I would love to have a man take care of me. He told me his respect for me in that moment doubled because most women would never admit that they want a man to take care of them. He said they would pretend to be all strong and like “I got this”. He said immediately “I will take care of you. I would love to take care of you”.



  167.  #167Daria on March 11, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    smooth operator… shes a smooooth… operaator

    ruthless enforcer



  168.  #168Siren Angel on March 11, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Wow! I’ve got 2 threads to catch up on tonight!



  169.  #169Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    That’s lovely Siren Angel. I hope that you are believer that things can change in an instant. I feel happy that things have turned out great for you.



  170.  #170Sun Goddess on March 11, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    157, FW,

    I don’t know. I guess we will see. Oddly enough I don’t feel like leaning forward and reminding him I’m leaving or to try and see him because it does feel better when they do it on their own. πŸ™‚



  171.  #171Siren Angel on March 11, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Thank you FW.

    Yes, M is making serious plans for us and told his kids we are trying to be a family!



  172.  #172Jilly on March 11, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Awww…femininewoman…that feels so sweet to hear..makes me feel soft and warm πŸ™‚

    I agree, part of the way we feel is because of the stories we tell ourselves…

    I’ve experienced my own transformation with this and my hormones.



  173.  #173Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Lizka I am wondering if ModelCD could be your Kent Clark and Dicaprio and ATW your superman. I would look at these two and see what it is about them that attracts me. You also want to identify if it is just the chemistry that hooks you in. See how they contrast with ModelCD as far as the way you feel about yourself in their presence. See if you unconsciously feel nothing when you are with the nice guys. I would really look at these 3 to see the differences in them and what attracts me.



  174.  #174Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Sun Goddess if you do that then it is definitely because you are trying to control something. You might be feeling insignificant now because of the lack of the acknowledgement from him but the key is how can you take care of this feeling without leaning towards him, even if it slipped his brain. Men forget. I believe if he did things would be even more juicy upon your return. Can you imagine how profuse his apologizes would be and then how much power that would give you?



  175.  #175Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Jilly I read Lilibee’s comment about want to jump on him in his car and I said “yesss”. That is the kind of thought you want to hold in your head when you are with a man you really want, especially when he is fully invested in the relationship. I believe he will feel that energy and want to keep coming back even if you are not having sex.



  176.  #176Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Siren Angel just make sure you know your own values around it. Men can act as if for as long as they want to, especially if we make it comfortable for them. Don’t give up what you want for what he wants.



  177.  #177Brenda on March 11, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    FW,

    Re: #155- I didn’t say I’m in love w Kenny. I said I love him very much.

    There are still issues there but we have been having breakthroughs the last two days.

    I just went on two more dating sites.



  178.  #178Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    #176 Brenda

    And more importantly you know that Kenny loves YOU.



  179.  #179Sun Goddess on March 11, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    173, FW,

    I’m so busy getting things ready for our cruise that I know I will not contact him. πŸ™‚



  180.  #180Tiffany on March 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    I think one major issue about Friday night wasn’t just what happened. It was that I really needed to be sleeping, for a whole bunch of reasons. I must have expected him to somehow know that, even if I didn’t at the time (being in a strange place, in new and unfamiliar surroundings). The fact that he asked me what I wanted to do didn’t help. It only made me more confused. But the fact is, I needed my rest.

    And it’s not just a matter of convenience. It has to do with my physical health. I can now feel myself getting sick. And I don’t mean sick to my stomach, thinking about what happened (though there is that). For the last two days, I’ve been feeling a growing “ick” in my throat. Not cool. I’ve been taking care of myself, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get a full-blown infection, starting like tomorrow. I feel very apprehensive. And it’s not good if I get sick, because I need to work.

    On the other hand, there is one major bonus, which is a small thing I noticed that OM did. Yesterday, after breakfast, he was paying the bill, and I told him I was going to use the rest room. I had no expectations of where I would find him after this. But as I came out, I found him standing right there, waiting for me. πŸ™‚ Ah, that felt so nice….:) he did the exact thing that I got upset at NS for NOT doing.

    Speaking of which, NS contacted me yesterday to say Hi. I was too tired to respond, but today, I did send back a quick, friendly response.

    No word from OM. But on the other hand, I am focusing on myself. I am making a batch of cookies that I love to make, and I’ll probably take some to my friend’s visiting-the-area party. Then later on, a movie with another friend for her birthday. It will be a good take-care-of-me day, and spending-time-with girlfriends day. Just what the <3 doctor ordered, I think….

    xoxo



  181.  #181Daria on March 11, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    i love me



  182.  #182Daria on March 11, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    my room feels like a sauna… i feel healthy here

    im gonna amke another mullein infusion and smoke some of this “cookies” note; i still like purple



  183.  #183Daria on March 11, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    mmm ghee feels delicious when im sick.. it moisturizes me from the inside out with oil but nto cloggy and feels like immune sytem heals

    πŸ™‚

    mmm

    i want some grassfed ghee i bet that will be like power UP



  184.  #184Daria on March 11, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    now im making dal

    did u know as a bean it lowers your risk of brestcancer HUGELY like more than timoxicin the drug

    and its also as a bean again preventing other types of cancer



  185.  #185Sun Goddess on March 11, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Hating my 19 year old self right now so much! Why did I marry that idiot? I’m so sick of all the drama he brings into my life! He’s threatening that he won’t bring the kids back because he knows I will eventually cave into what he wants because of our trip tomorrow! Errrrrrrrrrrr!



  186.  #186Lizka on March 11, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    Hi girls!!!

    Got some time for an update, but not too much time as ATW is still here…

    So the boundary is still up, but hard to keep it up because hormones are kicking and he is very tempting…

    We spent the day watching movies, on the couch than in my bed (but all dressed up!) and snuggling. We just cooked together a nice dinner and are now just channel surfing…

    It’s hard because I so would like to sleep with him, FOR MYSELF, not for him, because right now, I really feel like it, but I know I’m gonna feel hurt if he doesn’t call me again for many days… I told him in FM, without being blamey, he said he understands and he will call more often… but I think he said something like that last time.

    That is so hard!!!



  187.  #187Starla on March 11, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Lizka, i noticed i actually feel off balance and shaky having sex with and feeling hormonally attached and need with a man when i don’t feel fully sure of his commitment to me. i actually told CF today. it was SOOO HARD. he was very sweet and patient and encouraging to just tell him as best i can what’s on my mind and heart. he said he understood. it felt awkward and insane to set the boundary, but…i had to. i wasn’t feeling safe and comfortable, and i don’t want to feel like that with him! i want to feel good and trusting and safe and knowing, and i do feel that way with him, but the sex is throwing me very off balance.

    anyway i do feel better now with the boundary in place. like i can relax and quit worrying about our future and if he is going to disappoint me.

    i also feel scared he is going to sleep with someone else or something, now that i’ve said i’d feel more comfortable not having sex right now.

    but actually i highly doubt he’ll do that. he is very loving and good to me, and only wants our relationship to be good. πŸ™‚

    so i guess here i am again — one of those rare cases where i have this amazing and romantic courtship being given to me, and sex never even enters the picture.

    i feel really awkward and afraid. i’m getting what i want and i feel scared i’m not worth it.

    but f*ck that. i rock. i just told a guy i’m way into that i’m not going to sleep with him right now. i am brave and i love me. i love me so much and feel so good about what i have to offer that i will REFUSE to suffer through the shaky unbalanced feelings that follow uncommitted sex.

    i also gave him the no gf speech again because he asked me what commitment meant to me. i told him i wanted to be engaged as “commitment.”



  188.  #188Starla on March 11, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    ahhhhhhhhh i feel uncomfortable standing up for myself and what i want as a woman, ahhhhhh it feels so weiiirrrddd like i’m being tickled in a bad way…
    eeeeeeeeeeee just sinking into it now



  189.  #189Lizka on March 11, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    FW about the Lois Lane syndrome…

    I’m not exactly sure to understand the analogy since I’m not a big fan of Superman… I think I get the big picture but I’m not 100% sure if Dicaprio is really the “bad” guy and ModelCD the “good” one.

    Here’s what happen last night…

    So ModelCD asked me to go with him to his friend’s birthday party. I decided to practice asking and I asked if he could pick me up even though the party was in my area of the city. I have to admit it felt scary but it was definitely a good practice. I wrote “I could take the bus and meet you there at 9… but I would feel so much more relax if you’d pick me up…” He didn’t had his car as he was with his friend but he asked his friend to pass by my place so I can go with them at the party.

    When I got in the car, there was ModelCD, Dicaprio and the 3rd guy that I met at the club 3 weeks ago (let’s call him V)

    When we got to the party, there was no one else than these 3 guys that I knew and there was only 1 other girl. Two other girls came later.

    ModelCD was nice, introduced me with everyone, but not acting like if it was a date. I mean he was not giving me a lot more attention than to all of his friends but I guess it’s normal since it was a party.

    At some point, I realised he was flirting with one of the girl who came later. She was very pretty, but very anti siren… So for the 1st part of the night, I thought he was flirting with her, but then I realised that it was more HER who was totally leaning forward to him. She was playing in his hair, sitting on him and she when we made a joke the show “Puppetry of the penis” (would be too long to explain, if you don’t know what it is you could google it and find some funny videos) she asked him with the most dirty voice if he would like that she does “that” with his penis. OMG that felt disgusting!! Haha So I didn’t bother too much about this girl and I just leaned back myself and been nice with everyone and even gave my phone number to one of the guys who asked it to me.

    About Dicaprio, he was cute, entertaining me and often came with me outside to smoke. I already told you girls about how I felt the connexion when he was looking into my eyes… well he confirmed me that he felt it too. He said “I saw how you do eyes contacts and this is very interesting and means a lot to me”. Lol but he also said he saw he is doing it with everyone I am talking to. He said it was very sexy and that he likes that kind of thing. I told him that I didn’t realised I was doing it all the time (it’s true, I didn’t notice it, but it’s a good thing!!) and that I really felt a deep connexion while WE were exchanging eyes contacts the first time we met. He looked at me very intensely and said “I know exactly what moment you mean” πŸ™‚ Awwww

    So at the end of the night, we were about 10 outside, waiting for V and another guy to go get the cars, and Dicaprio took me in his arms just so many times. It felt really intense and sweet. I leaned a little forward and said “call me sometimes ok?” and he said he definitely will. Yes yes, I’m leaning wayyyy back now.

    So that how the night went. And this is why I’m saying I’m not 100% sure ModelCD is the good guy as he did not took as much care as his friend during the party and also he let another girl flirt with him… I’m not even sure if they didn’t leave together after the party. V was driving the car and driving me, ModelCD, this girl and another girl home. They dropped me first so it IS possible that ModelCD took her to his place after. Have no idea.



  190.  #190Sun Goddess on March 11, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    I feel so proud of myself for handling my exhusband like a siren!!



  191.  #191Lizka on March 11, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    And how did ATW ended up here this morning you probably wonder?

    So when I got home, I felt very strong and I have to admit a little tipsy so I just sent a little “hi” to ATW. He immediately answered (it was 3 AM!!!) and said that he thought I was mad at him as I never replied to his message a week ago and he asked when he could see me I said I’m free in the morning. So he said he’ll take me out for breakfast. I said it would feel good if he woke me up.

    So that’s it, at 10 am, he was at my door with croissant, ham, eggs and cheese and he cooked my favourite breakfast after giving me a loooong massage and cuddling. He DID said he wanted to sleep with me and that he was so turned on by me but I said that I was feeling lost to have less and less news in the last two weeks after I slept with him and that I needed to be sure that I would have attention from a man before sleeping with him. He said he understood but a few other time he tried to push the boundary. I can’t really blame him has we were snuggling and kissing all day.

    He’s been very sweet and like I said the boundary is still up. He might sleep here tonight and I am wondering if I can hold the boundary all night. That would be amazing if I could do that…

    So he’s still here, very nice and cute on my couch, it’s been almost 10 hours that we are together now.

    I have to admit that I’m not as turned on as I was with him. I had an amazing weekend (since Wednesday) and so much attention from men that my confidence is very very high and I’m not feeling afraid that he poofs again…



  192.  #192Starla on March 11, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    and then to make everything even harder to follow through with, after we got back from our hike, he told me, after obviously having something on his mind for about an hour (and me even asking! haha), that he wasn’t feeling well to his stomach and wanted to go home. he said he didn’t want to be all weird and sick here, and i told him i didn’t mind that and all, but he said he wanted to go home anyway, so i said okay. it felt like taking no for an answer, and it felt hard to just say okay and not feel upset about him leaving early, BUT my instinct was actually to just say ‘okay’ and not worry it means he is upset with me or i “screwed up.”

    we parted ways very slowly and sweetly and i sent his tummy positive vibes lol.

    he’s never ever tried to leave early before. it was extra challenging for me to feel worthy and justified of my boundaries and remind myself i’m the prize, but i felt so grounded today and so much love for myself, that it is actually no big deal. i feel glad to have let him go early with no problems from me.

    cuz i feel trusting in my heart that he’ll be back. that there’s nothing sinister or hidden going on, and if there is, it’s something so silly and white (like an intense need to f*rt) and having nothing to do with me that it’s a waste of time to even wonder.

    this is the first time i’ve ever felt this way with a man and it feels marvelous. i just feel focused on myself, and trusting, like just cuz he left early doesn’t mean he won’t be back. and it feels so sweet for me and also like i can just let him be his own man and do his own thing and never take any of it personally enough to question or hassle him.

    and now i am seeing that it has taken CF several months to break down the walls around my heart, and they’re coming down now, because i am starting to feel in my bones that he is a man i can trust and who will not just change his feelings for me suddenly.

    ack i feel so scared he is going to think i’m a nut job for wanting to wait until being engaged to sleep together. maybe i won’t wait that long. i just threw it out there as a suggestion, cuz i told him i wasn’t sure actually which “commitment” i needed to feel more sure of, just that i was feeling shaky presently.

    he said he noticed we’re telling each other a lot more “scary” stuff and he’s proud of us. i feel good about it too.



  193.  #193sensual on March 11, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    @162 Silvermoon beam, I am meeting them organically. I don’t feel comfortable with dating sites, maybe I will one day but i decided to stop for now. last summer I became good friends with a man who is just a friend but really fun and knows a lot of people and everyone loves him and i have met a lot of his friends now, 2 of my CDs are through him.



  194.  #194Starla on March 11, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    Lizka, rori says in modern siren to keep the initial dates short. you guys are still very early in the courtship. i think you should send him home tonight. rori also mentions that sleeping next to each other and not having sex still has the same effect as on the courtship as having sex.



  195.  #195Daria on March 11, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    i did EFT on my cat! and he’s so magnificent now!

    and hes following me around and stretchigna nd looking healthy and beautiful and Divine



  196.  #196sensual on March 11, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    So i texted ShyCD, and i feel ok about the text and I didn’t ask him for anything, I passed by something today that reminded me of a story we shared over dinner, so i sent him a picture of it with a “guess what I saw..etc.!” cute text and he replied with a cute text telling me how they are his favorite with a smile and i replied “haha i remember you told me”……….So that’s it, i’m feeling a little sad that he didn’t ask me out, but that’s why i need to not have expectations if i decide to lean forward. I also didn’t use a feeling message but sometimes in texts i feel weird writing them in every single message. So now i’ve deleted his number, i’ll recognize it if he contacts me…but it has to be up to him now



  197.  #197Lizka on March 11, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    Starla –

    Really? Hmmm but when we’re together we’re not acting lije it’s the first dates… It’s really exactly how it was when we were a real couple. Without the bad aspects…

    This is why it’s so hard not to slip into sex…



  198.  #198Starla on March 11, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Lizka, realistically, it IS the first dates with your brand new go-around with him. I also remember you saying you wanted to treat him like a brand new CD:)



  199.  #199Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Lizka also remember that he has to experience you as new.



  200.  #200Lizka on March 11, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    True true…



  201.  #201Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Lizka I want to encourage you to send him home too. Believe it or not he will respect you more after.



  202.  #202Lizka on March 11, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    The only thing is saying no to sex feels like playing games since we’re so close right now… Wondering if it’s not gonna have the opposite effects..

    Any thoughts about this?



  203.  #203Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    RE 195 Sensual I feel happy that you deleted his number so you won’t feel tempted to lean forward again. What you did there is the kind of thing I understand from Reconnect we women do when we are in imaginary relationships. Even making excuses for men like they are shy.



  204.  #204Starla on March 11, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    even if you’re not acting like it’s early on in the courtship, rori talks about how a lot of the time it’ll seem like it’s further along than it really is, and that it’s okay to enjoy it, but know that it means absolutely positively nothing to that man in terms of commitment in a year or commitment to calling you this week.



  205.  #205Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Lizka I would stop making excuses if I were you. Keep in mind what happened recently. Having sex with him now would only be training him to believe that he can do whatever and still have sex. Remember how you felt over the last 2-3 weeks. If you make him wait he will likely be in more contact with you. Just tell him he is hot and you feel totatlly turned on by him but you need to feel safe enough to go there with him again. Use courtship in your favor. There is no need to rush into sex.



  206.  #206Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Also Lizka do you think you owe him sex just because he massaged you and made you breakfast today?



  207.  #207T-Girl on March 11, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    There is so much that I have to catch up on here…I just can’t keep up. I don’t know how you ladies do it.

    I just had the most wonderful weekend with J. We started planning and making a list of what we have to do to get ready for me moving in with him in June.

    He has all these containers with loose change and dollar bills in his house. I asked him if he ever cashes those in and he said they have a purpose. I related to him how I have a container like that also and I like to save them up for vacation. His response was that his were for buying me a wedding ring. He stated that once we are sure we are ok living together that wants to marry me.

    I thought that I didn’t want to get married again but once he said that I felt extrememe happiness wash over me. I guess deep down I really do.



  208.  #208Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Also Lizka you said yes to sex before and he still disappeared. What could the opposite effect be?



  209.  #209Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    T-Girl I know how you feel but truly I feel uncomfortable about the living together arrangement. I would want a ring and a date if I were in your shoes before June, now that he has brought up marriage.



  210.  #210Lizka on March 11, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    No I don’t think I owe him sex. Just that I want it so badely. But no. I’m sticking to the boundary. He just said he’s leaving soon. Won’t try to keep him here.



  211.  #211T-Girl on March 11, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    208 FW, I am on the same page with him. Having been married before for 20 years, I want to be sure as well. I want to do it right this time.



  212.  #212Starla on March 11, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    just live your boundaries and it’s not playing games.

    “oh it felt so nice to have breakfast made for me:) awww thank you. and i am going to kick you out now so i can get ready for my week ahead:):)”



  213.  #213Coco Kisses on March 11, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    As far as the post, I’m not one of those women that is looking for a “Super Man”, actually I always thought Clark Kent was sexier anyways…lol, I only want Super Man in the Bedroom. I’ve always admired a man who is strong enough to take care of his woman, and also help out around the house and with the kids, to me, that’s SEXY!!

    ****Updates on my situation

    As some of you know, I am separated from my husband right now. He’s been gone about 2 weeks now. He came over on Saturday when I was not at home, to ge the remainder of his things. He called me, but I was busy, so I did call him back when I was headed back home, and he told me he was calling me just to see how I was doing, I told him my weekend was going great. He also told me that he went to the house to get his things, but I wasn’t there. When I got there and saw everyhing gone, I felt so empty, I also felt relief, then this weekend, I’ve been feeling angry with him, and his selfeshness. How do I deal with these feelings of anger, and NOT think about him, and continue to think about ME. Normally when Im feeling anything negative, I just try to block it out the feelings and replace them with something positive. I’m really practicing sinking into my feelings, whether positive or negative, happy, sad, or in between.

    I feel angry with my husband, my heart doesn’t feel safe with him. I feel angry, and disappointed, because, I feel like I tried everyhing ot make my marriage successful, and he just gave up. I feel bad that my overfunctioning and weight gain turned him off. At the same time I feel relieved that his negative energy is out of the house.
    Instictively I feel like putting up a wall and being passive aggressive towards him when he leans forward by calling me, but I know that is not the way. How do I express my feelings to him authenticly, w/o coming off bitter. I want to be warm, open, glowing like a diamond.

    And even though I’m feeling all this for him, here is a part of my heart that feels like saying F** HIM, NEXT!!!

    I feel like I need to reclaim my sexuality, because I stuffed so much of my sexual feelings in a deep dark trunk, to be able to survive my sexless marriage. I mean it started out great then, went down to 2 times per week, then maybe 1 time per week, then once every other week, then like once a month, then once every other month, then finally nothing for 5 months ( this was right before we seperated). He always claimed he was stressed out (which it’s true he doesn’t handle stress well, but he still a man), in the end he said he really didn’t feel that spark towards me, and that attraction any more, and that he doesn’t know when he stopped feeling like that. I don’t even remember what it feels like to be really really turned on and horny any more, and I don’t remember the last time I as passionatley kissed with real emotion and desire.

    I’m ready to feel really alive, and pasionatley on FIRE again.

    Anyone have some advice on this. Thanks

    @ Feminine Woman…that is soooo sweet what your man said to you. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and put a huge smile on my face.



  214.  #214Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    I know how you feel Lizka but look at the bigger picture. You don’t want to do it and then have him disappear again for another several weeks.



  215.  #215Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    T-Girl I don’t know what to say about doing it right. I just know that when you live with a man it makes things so much more difficult for us. But hopefully with the Rori tools things will keep moving forward for you.



  216.  #216Daria on March 11, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Reporting in for TEAM HEAL LONELINESS

    i found that my loneliness is like a kinda constant background noise to everything

    when i stop, i notice it

    so i decided to. in a moment of lookng out the window and feeling it… to do EFT on it!

    and it worked!

    im feeling moved and teary inside with excitment!

    wow it works!

    and i tapped on the background noise of loneliness (and im gonna do another one saying those words now)

    and i also noticed wiehn some songs make me feel sad tho their about good stuff like “girl in ipanema” im like its CUZ I WANT TAHT! i WANT THAT FEELING I WANT TI SO DESPERATELY ‘

    so i tapped on THAT and that felt more soothed

    and omg everything is feeling better

    if eel so excited to tap on this ?BACKGround noise of every moment… every moment will feel BETTER!

    yes!

    omg tapping on my heartbreak

    and this song when there girl says “never did i dream, youd swing your phat jeep round my way, cell phone check me everyday,

    i want this so bad! – so i tapped on it – and omg

    and now new part that causes me pain

    and now i think of you and me, when i think of Fullton street.

    ok tapping now

    omg hysterical crying sobbing of my heart is broken

    and now some calmness
    and gonna have some water



  217.  #217Daria on March 11, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    i started by saying out loud… i WANT that.. i WANT that feeling

    thats why i feel sad I WA?NT THAT i WANT That

    to acknowledge it and then it became more real and clear and omg i feel so good to have honored it by crying

    and healied cleared it by tapping a

    nd

    i honor me

    and honor my pussy which is throbbing and tingling all my first chrakra



  218.  #218Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    Coco Kisses keep telling yourself I am open and willing to allow myself to feel passionate and sexual. I believe doing dance, particularly pole dancing class could help you with those sexual feelings you stuffed away for so long. Maybe that is why his attraction died. When you cut yourself off from your feelings you also cut him off from his own and he has nowhere to go. I believe being separate could bring back the attraction for him. Use your own mind as a tool to think of yourself as a sexual sensual being. I would try to be open when he reconnects with you even if it is by phone. Get naked and relax on the coach when talking to him. His responses could give you an indication if your sexual energy is rebuilding and if he is feeling it. During this time once he gets a sense that you can be well without him, he might feel no obligation towards you and it could get him feeling like giving to you because he wants to and it could bring back the attraction. It is something I have seen happen.



  219.  #219Starla on March 11, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    ladies, i can’t believe i told cf i don’t feel comfortable having sex right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    omg i needed to. i was feeling shaky and freaked out every single time. and i know in my heart what i need to feel good about sleeping with a man now.

    i’m just munching on a whole wheat baguette, sending myself lots of love for taking care of me.



  220.  #220Coco Kisses on March 11, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    @ T- Girl, no offense because I don’t know your entire situation, but when your guy stated “that once we are sure we are ok living together that wants to marry me.”, that sent alarms rigning. That is a sign that he really doesn’t want to offer you much of commitment. When men say things like that I feel in my heart it to be a bunch of BS. It’s like a way to offer you something that seems like a commitment, but without really giving anything up. If you are comfortable with living together then hey go for it, but if deep down inside you feel like you’d want to be a wife one day, I say wait for a ring and a date. Once you live together men end to get lazy for a ring and a date. Living toether is NOT the same as being married.



  221.  #221Dominique on March 11, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Femininewomen – I feel curious why you think it might make it more difficult for us as women when we live with a man. I have no found his to be the case at all, and I personally know several other women who feel as I do.

    Sure it’s possible, but a good man will treat you as a good man would, ring and date set or not.

    xxoo



  222.  #222Dominique on March 11, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    Coco Kisses – I’m sorry, but I don’t agree with this, and I speak from personal experience and no just my own. I will say again that a good man is a good man, period. He wants to make you happy, and if marriage is what you want, he will come through.

    I can’t imagine not living with someone first whether it be a long term commitment or a marriage.

    xxoo



  223.  #223Healing Waterfall on March 11, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    Hi lovely Sirens,
    I just had a chance to pop on and catch up with the blog and all I can say is, it is so good to hear what’s going on and all that you are learning and experimenting with, it is inspiring….i just have been crazy busy with open houses and expos…..haven’t had time to CD much, just talked and emailed with accountantCD and hung out a little one evening….nothing much going on….hope to go out with a couple CD’s next week and have a little more time for the blog!



  224.  #224sensual on March 11, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    FW your insights are amazing! i love what you suggest in 217.

    and yes, no more making excuses for Shy anymore….if he’s not able to step up at least there are other CDs πŸ™‚



  225.  #225Coco Kisses on March 11, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    @ Feminine Woman, ironically, I started taking pole and chair/lap dance classes a few months before we got seperated, I also started self pleasuring myself, too, but I think because I have a lot of bottled up resentment towards him for not being physically affectionate, perhaps the dancing didn’t help as much as I could/should have. I think my overfunctioning had more to do wih turning him off and my weight gain than anything else. My husband is the type of man who does’t believe that a woman should approach a man sexually, ANY time I would ry to be sexual with him, he would reject me. I will take your advice though, continue the dancing, and being open…THANK YOU πŸ™‚



  226.  #226Daria on March 11, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    omg feel like so much of the background urgency is not there

    and also i feel like ive made my cat into a super cat, i use to feel worried looking at him in my mind, now i feel inspired by a picture of luxury and healthy and divineness

    im really rockin it with the EFt

    im finding my fear of conflict may have somethign to do with being hit in the head as a boxer – or just my mom talking and suddenly striking me hard unexpectedly and maybe i had a mild concussion and i can feel it in my body too and kinda throws me off balance and blind and it makes me feel scared of fighting

    now fighting in a non violent way is something i was into and its like a martial art thing so i want to tap on this fear and that memory and heal it and see if i dont feel like superwoman again



  227.  #227Starla on March 11, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    i am feeling weird, disrupted, tired, cranky.

    love to me

    i love myself soooo much.



  228.  #228T-Girl on March 11, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    I agree with what Dominique said in 221. After being married for 20 years, I just don’t think I could jump into marriage without living together first. I’ve never brought marriage up so this is definitely not something that he is just trying to tell me to tide me over or anything.

    219 Coco Kisses – this man has offered me commitment from very early on in our relationship. We will be celebrating our 10 month anniversary next week.

    He is a polar opposite to my ex husband. He treats me like a queen and wants to make me happy. Things are so easy with him and I want to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming because I truly never thought this was in the cards for me. I feel like I found a needle in a haystack with him. I am ready for this new partnership level of our relationship. If marriage comes, great. But it is not my be all end all.

    I’m not saying how I feel is right and anything else is wrong. Just what is right for me.



  229.  #229Siren Angel on March 11, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    4 hours later and catched up on 1 and a half threads!

    Shar-lean-Way-Back, So happy for you! Yeah! Congratulations!

    Sassy, Congrats on the arrival of new baby Siren! How lovely!

    Lizka, I am looking forward to ALL the details!

    Lilibee, So proud of you and your new list!

    Turquoise, I have not catched up to the weekend yet, but I am so looking forward to reading how your weekend and the party went πŸ™‚

    Will take some time for a chick movie now and catch up the rest later and comment some more.

    I also have SOOO much interesting observations to share with you. I practiced being a Siren with M’s male friend who joined us at the cottage with his kids for the weekend, quite interesting!



  230.  #230Coco Kisses on March 11, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    @ Dominique, I respect your opinion, but even statistics confirm that most people who live together don’t get married, and that couples who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who don’t. For the record I did live with my husband before I was married, and it was difficult to get him to make a marriage commitment. I agree with you that if a man is a REALLY GOOD man, who wants nothing but to make his woman happy, then yes he will get married, but in this social climate, where most women are compromising, settling for less, and overfunctioning like crazy, most men are not like that. And in my experience, most of the women I know who are living wih their boyfriends, all want to be married, and are very frustrated that the realtionship, even after 3+ years isn’t moving in that direction, and the reason is most men get lazy for marriage once a couple has moved in together. I work as a makeup artist, and beauy professional, so all I do is listen to women’s man problems all day, day after day. Most women I know are NOT happy just living together with a man for years on end. I still feel that if a woman really wants to be a wife, then she should wait until she atleast has a ring and date, before moving in with a man. That is her safest bet.



  231.  #231Radiant Rising on March 11, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Hi Sirens!

    Yeehaw! I am now a Level II certified Reiki practitioner! I have the tools to energetically treat not just the chakras, but diabetes, blood pressure, arthritis, Parkinson’s, schizophrenia, epilepsy and more! Today my teach had us distant treat one of his clients who has breast cancer. Amazing experience! My confidence in my healing abilities is slowly but surely picking up, and my NVs are firmly being weeded out! I feel awesome! :):):)

    Oh something funny last night when I had to do homework, memorizing by heart a 23 stroke symbol into the palm of my hand, my brother said about my teacher, “Dang he’s Mr. Miyagi-ing her a$$!” then my sister said, “Wax on, sis!” Lol, I have one supportive family! I feel warm and blessy. πŸ™‚



  232.  #232LoveAlways on March 11, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    I’m floating on self love. I need to get grounded, eventually – for now, this feels wonderful



  233.  #233Daria on March 11, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    i judge myself as being “psycho” for feeling mad when guys call me on the phone but dont plan a date within the phone call

    i feel PIST

    like dude are you really gonna waste my time like that?

    i do NOT want to give u any of my energy! thru the phone!

    wtf

    ew i feel drained

    and angry

    and im now expressing that in a way to one of my fave cds

    i feel scared its gonna push him aawy

    its very desperaate feeling to me

    and its also authentic

    i love me and honoring ME foremost
    rewiring me to attract men who meet my needs



  234.  #234Luzydel on March 11, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    So the first POF guy, actually kind of dissed me. Friday on the last minute he asked me to meet, I said I was already on my PJs, but that I was available during weekend. Saturday he sends me this passive aggressive txt…”I am going to a concert with friends, since you go to be early…” huh? well today he said I went to dinner alone, we could have gone together… I hate this! I just reopened this crap and again men are acting all weird…
    Loneliness is looking so sexy right now!



  235.  #235Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    I am thinking to lean fwd and let my guy know that although I have my family visiting this week, tomorrow they have other plans and I am free to see him (if he wants). Not sure about the best way to do it.

    Just to say it plainly and say that I could see him if he feels better?



  236.  #236Starla on March 11, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Memulo, no:):):) sorry, if he asks you out and your family is in town, too bad. for him almost every dating coach warns us not to go out of our way to make it easy for him, by doing things like that.



  237.  #237Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Starla,

    I am only thinking about it because they have other plans and it is true that I won’t be needed tomorrow.



  238.  #238LoveAlways on March 11, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    FW
    # 153
    “They get all the benefits of a real relationship without having to do any work.”

    OMG, I love this point. I’m not in any real relationships, I am dating, and no one, no, not one, shall have the benefits of a real relationship with me until it’s real.

    Wow, that was real. I can feel it deep in my chest where I breathe



  239.  #239Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    Dominique I have seen many women who have done that before they got the commitment they wanted or before they were clear on what they actually wanted and the relationship did not last. For me the key is being clear about what one wants and being able to communicate that.



  240.  #240Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    When I was leaving his place in a rush last night after taking good care of him being sick – I cooked dinner, put him to bed and read a few pages from a book that I love for him, but I really needed to go because I used the time window when my family was doing something else – he was half asleep and in any case he didn’t ask me out and we didn’t make plans.



  241.  #241LoveAlways on March 11, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    I kept my boundaries today with CD assertive. He wanted me to meet his family at the last minute and I declined. It felt so gooooooood to hold my boundaries. These here boundaries belong to me and they feel awesome



  242.  #242Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    I suppose I could let him know that I am free Monday night tomorrow morning too?..



  243.  #243Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Starla,

    May I ask my intimacy with CF feels unsafe to you? It sounds like you have a very solid relationship?



  244.  #244Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    *WHY intimacy!!



  245.  #245Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    LoveAlways,

    Thanks for the reminder.. boundaries do feel good πŸ˜‰



  246.  #246Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    BTW Dominique I am not saying that things cannot work out. Just that the stats that I have seen show that men get lazy and many of them eventually don’t want to. So when a woman wants a specific kind of commitment I believe they hedge their bets by waiting for that. I know a good man is a good man and he will step up but I have also seen many a good man get frustrated with the feeling of obligation, the woman’s jealousy issues, harsh requests and the numerous things that women do unconsciously that cause men to feel disrespected that they eventually give up. I have a friend who had to move on because it seemed he could not win and it was affecting his health. Now he is in an awesome marriage with another woman and he is actually someone I would have considered if I had met him first. He is obviously a good man who gives to his woman, he gives of himself, all of himself. He does unusual things like follow around her when she shops and sits around to wait for her or carry her bags no matter how long she takes. I know she is very happy also and I do believe he tried hard with his ex.



  247.  #247Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    RE 239 Did he ask you to do those things?



  248.  #248LiliBee on March 11, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    201:

    Hi Lizka,

    I gave in to s3x too soon with D after I set my boundary. I managed to hold off for a month.
    I gave in before I felt ‘safe’ that the relationship was going somewhere and that he was really wanting a serious comitment.

    He did not respect me after. He continued acting ‘uncomitted’.
    Now, he is trying to get back into that routine…He’s trying to get me through s3x, but I’m not caving in this time.
    In fact, it feels icky that he’s trying to connect to me that way after everything we’ve gone through.
    I feel like my feelings are discarded, unacknowledged.
    I feel like an object, a simple toy that can be discarded at a whim.
    By holding to my boundary, he is forced into doing it my way, which means connection through talking (FMs).

    You still don’t know what’s going on with him and where he’s at really…Could be good, could be bad…you just don’t know.
    How would you feel if he left you hanging again afterwards and only called you for Sunday again…

    It’s not gameplaying if you express your true authentic FMs about it.



  249.  #249Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    FW,

    We talked on the phone on Thursday and he still sounded very sick and was saying that he didn’t want to give it to me and wasn’t sure what to do about it and I said that for the future it would make me feel better if I know whether he wants me to take care of him or he doesn’t want, and he said of course he wants to. So I said I’d love to take care of him and he asked me to let him know when I am free to do it. The next day it turned out I had a window on saturday night, so told him that and then came over and did it. it was lovely, he was so loving and kept on saying how much he appreciated it.

    This morning I got this text that he had a dream that an angel came πŸ˜‰



  250.  #250Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    RE 224 Coco Kisses from what you have said I am assuming that you still had walls up around your heart and was still a bit closed off even though you did the classes. If so I would now focus on opening up the sexual energy when I do the classes. Do it for fun and really see if you feel deep in your body by really putting your attention in your body so you set your intention to feel deep into your cells this time. Keep thinking I am open to get into my body and really feel. I do that myself with my zumba dance classes. My teacher incorporates belly dancing and a whole lot of hip movements so when doing those things I also use my mind.



  251.  #251Brenda on March 11, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    Hi!

    I just got home from church and visiting Kub, Kenny’s son, in prison. It went well, better than I expected.

    I placed a new profile and felt happy to come home to 8 responses. 2 of the 8 caught my attention and I already responded. The other 6 were lame, just giving basic statistics in one sentence, that kind of thing.

    How do you handle that sort of thing? Do you respond at all when they barely put forth an effort?



  252.  #252Brenda on March 11, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    Moonbeam,

    RE: #177 – “Brenda

    And more importantly you know that Kenny loves YOU.”

    Yes, he does, without a doubt!



  253.  #253Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    I always respond Brenda. Also I would check to see why I am judging them as lame if I judge myself that way too. Remember many men don’t have a lot of success on those sites also. At least I have connected with several who have had bad experiences on the sites or if you look at some profile you will see them saying things that suggest some type of women should not contact them. I believe it is because of the experience they have had. From what I understand they have a hard time on these sites too.



  254.  #254Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Brenda,

    I do respond. I have a rule of no judgment until I meet them in person. Also, I like to meet them in person pretty quickly. I realized a long time ago that otherwise I’d have no idea who I am talking to. Otherwise I don’t care too much, as long as their messages are polite enough.



  255.  #255Brenda on March 11, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    Last night two previous CDs resurfaced! One is CO, who is still sending hi how are you type emails. The other is NJ! I thot he was long gone after he stood me up one too many times in November.

    So I have to decide how to give him feeling messages if he makes plans with me again. He stood me up about 5 times between June and November. Kenny didn’t think I should let him back in at all, but I’m going to give him a chance. He needs a friend.



  256.  #256Brenda on March 11, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    FW and Memulo,

    Thank you, your feedback is very helpful. Ok, I will give them a chance.

    I guess they don’t like to invest too much up front, until they know if it’s going anywhere. I myself copy and paste a response so I am not typing the same thing over and over, and so that I am not just writing one lame sentence like basic statistics. Yes, I do consider that lame.

    But I will respond.



  257.  #257Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    Brenda,

    Not sure if you find this helpful – I always have this thought on the back of my mind: oh they’re only writing a one-liner because they feel scared they don’t stand a chance with someone like me LOL. And I will reply keeping my standards for communication, no less πŸ˜‰ And once they get to talk to me/meet me, they switch to being on their best behavior.



  258.  #258Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    Ok, maybe I will lean fwd tomorrow.. will be a bit embarrassing if he has plans already, but anyway it’s the only night this week when I can see him.



  259.  #259Siren Angel on March 11, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Oh wow! Just got a sweet text from M:

    ‘Honey, love you a lot tonight. Miss you already. Thanks for being so wonderful this week… Good night’

    Awww… I feel so moved.

    Would you answer this? I am confused… A good night maybe? Tired of guessing. I just want to melt in his arms.



  260.  #260Starla on March 11, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Memulo, all i can say is leaning back works, and when in doubt, lean back.

    intimacy doesn’t feel scary at all. it feels f*cking amazing. it’s afterwards…i feel needy clingy bad crazy demanding. it’s cuz i don’t have a sure feeling commitment. i don’t feel safe yet there. and that’s okay. i noticed by dropping the sex obligation, i felt more authentic and open in other ways with CF, not like sex was always influencing how i act or don’t act. And that feels like the best way to build a strong foundation for a truly open and safe feeling sex life. i hope i’m making sense.



  261.  #261Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    SA,

    How about a smile?



  262.  #262Siren Angel on March 11, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Was just in the middle of ’13 going on 30′ laughing and smiling when M texted.



  263.  #263Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    Brenda I am surprised that NJ resurfaced. However, I would not be surprised if he experienced you as the most decent of the connections he made on the site. Brenda I would tell him that I feel unsure if he asks. It might be that he was lazy to put out effort or that he might have experienced you as too eager. Whatever it is I would let him know I have a fabulous life with lots of things going on in it and though you like games you also like men who are confident in themselves to be real gentlemen who keep their word.



  264.  #264LiliBee on March 11, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    I finally got a reply on Match! Gosh, babysteps for real.

    All I do is reply by mirroring. I wink back when they wink 1st. Then they poof.

    But this one hottie sent an email asking if we could talk over the phone on 1st contact.
    I emailed back “I don’t feel comfortable speaking ‘live’ over the phone so soon, I would feel more comfortable to break the ice in writing, then take it to the phone. What do you think?”

    He emailed back. I mentioned I was contemplating going down the side of a 15-story building hanging by a rope.
    (It’s a new ‘thrilling’ trend in this city, and Wcd is trying to talk me into it with him next weekend)
    I expressed in my email to this new hottie (I’ll call him Hcd) in FMs – “I wonder if I could get the courage to go through my fear. I’m imagining the feeling of elation and excitement of accomplishing that feat.
    It’s the feeling I had when I finally got to the top at wallclimbing. I felt so proud as I was looking way down smiling and waving at everyone πŸ™‚ ”

    I also wrote a little spanish to acknowledge his ethnic origins. I wrote 2 simple sentences to say “I speak a little bit of Spanich, not much just a little. I look forward to getting to know you, and perhaps you can help me practice speaking Spanish.”

    Feel free to comment Sirens. What do you all think?

    I haven’t been online dating since 2004, and that was without Rori’s advice.
    This is the 1st writing back after I responded to their 1st reaching out to me.



  265.  #265Starla on March 11, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    Memulo my last post to you was on two separate topics, sorry if that wasn’t clearer!



  266.  #266Siren Angel on March 11, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Memulo hi!

    A smiley just doesnt convey it this time… I keep that for when I am unsure what to answer but feel I should…



  267.  #267Rori Raye on March 11, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    Leo – he’s making a lighthearted, teasing reference to the fact that he couldn’t get to you. Please don’t take this personally. Laugh! Let him here you take it in good humor! “Yes, finally, and I got to see your message first – how lovely…” Love, Rori



  268.  #268Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    Siren Angel how about pausing and just basking in the feelings that it brings up inside you. Maybe I would just say thanks to show appreciation but I believe waiting would keep him thinking about you and keep the attraction up.



  269.  #269Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    Starla,

    It was clear, thank you πŸ˜‰

    What kind of commitment are we talking about: is it that you will feel safe in case you are given the ring?

    Trying to understand what’s so scary about ‘the morning after’ – if you love each other and have an amazing night are you sure you will end up feeling ‘needy’? I am not to be honest πŸ˜‰



  270.  #270Starla on March 11, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    Memulo, i guess what i am trying to say is that it is major leaning forward to suggest getting together. rori teaches only responding to his requests to spend time with us. he hasn’t asked you to spend time with him, but let’s say he calls you tomorrow to ask about it, THEN you can say “oh shoot my family’s coming, gonna be busy for a while, but i’m free tonight! what do you think?”

    but don’t lean fwd. if anything goes weird or if he says no, it might make you feel shaky and bad and insecure.



  271.  #271Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    SA,

    I know, I kept on doing the same thing, but it actually does mean a smile. Anyway, I used it as a smile to respond to his ‘angel’ wonderful text today. Ok, how about:

    Ahhh;)



  272.  #272Siren Angel on March 11, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    FW,

    Wouldn’t not answering be ‘games’?

    I want to be warm and open… it feels nice.



  273.  #273Sun Goddess on March 11, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    I have LPs brothers glasses and I bypassed LP and texted the brother to see if he wanted to get them but he never responded back about meeting to get them. I feel bad if I have them all week because I am away. But, I don’t want to contact LP. Guess I need to say to myself that I have done everything I can about the glasses. What do you all think?



  274.  #274Butterfly wings on March 11, 2012 at 7:44 pm

    TGirl – I’m just so happy for you. In Commitment Blueprint, having marriage on the table (like it seems to be!!) is a step up the man’s timeline! So yay you!! xx



  275.  #275Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 7:44 pm

    Starla,

    #269: I meant to say ‘unless you are given a ring’



  276.  #276LiliBee on March 11, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    258:

    Hi SA,

    How about what you just said “Awww, I feel so moved by what you just texted. I just feel like melting in your arms.”
    It’s authentic and feelingy.



  277.  #277Brenda on March 11, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Memulo,

    RE: #257 – That’s a good way to look at it! Thanks!



  278.  #278Starla on March 11, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    Memulo, it’s not the morning after but this general level of neediness that i feel in me that isn’t appropriate for a noncommitted, dating relationship like ours. it makes all glitches in communication and disappointments feel majorly magnified to me, and i feel so hormonally attached after sex that without a commitment i fear that bumps in the road will result in rejection/abandonment, and it just feels shaky and messy and in my heart i know i just need to feel that he’s not going anywhere. if he manages to convey this to me without a ring, then i would feel happy and open to it:) sex with him feels amazing, but a pattern is arising that is telling me that i don’t feel good having sex without commitment right now.



  279.  #279Siren Angel on March 11, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    How about:

    ‘Awww… I feel moved. Thank you, I felt wonderful and happy’

    ?



  280.  #280Siren Angel on March 11, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    Lilibee, yes that’s nice! What do you think of:

    β€˜Awww… I feel moved and all warm. Thank you, I felt wonderful and happy’



  281.  #281Starla on March 11, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    also, i have only slept with 3 men before him. 2 of which were very long term, and the last was MyGuy and he pressured me into it and it wasn’t all that great.

    i’m just a slow moving kind of girl in this way.



  282.  #282Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    SA,

    I feel that sometimes less words is more, but that’s my personality.. you have to do what feels right to you πŸ˜‰



  283.  #283Brenda on March 11, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    Here’s a really weird one which I am NOT responding to any further:

    E: Wow, you are 48? You look 28.
    I’d love to be your friend.

    B: Thank you! May I have a picture? Where do you live? Who are you?

    E: I’m very embarrassed. I thought I sent you a pic but the wrong one. I’m very sorry.
    I have to think this out for a bit. You must be a very nice person.

    B: Hmmm…

    E: Hmmmm?

    I have no idea what is embarrassing about NOT sending the wrong picture, and why that is something to be thought out. It just feels weird and I am dropping it.



  284.  #284Siren Angel on March 11, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    I texted M:

    ‘Awww… I feel moved. Thank you, I felt wonderful and happy’

    What do you think?



  285.  #285Starla on March 11, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    also we haven’t said “love” yet, we’re not “in love”

    i know he loves me in many ways, i can feel it and he is amazing to me, but it would feel nice to have it be expressed openly if i am going to be sleeping with him.

    it all makes really good sense to me. i feel really good about my decision.



  286.  #286Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    Siren Angel I love what Lilibee suggested if you choose to respond.



  287.  #287Siren Angel on March 11, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    Memulo, Thank you. I cut out some words. I agree to limit FMs to one or two and be simple and authentic.



  288.  #288Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    Brenda it seems to me that he has you confused with someone else that he sent a pic to.



  289.  #289Siren Angel on March 11, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    FW and Lilibee,

    Yes, Lilibee’s suggestion was great. However, I am happy watching my movie now (although would love to be in his arms, it would feel too needy after so much time spent together) and also wanted to thank him again for the week he invited me to spend with him and his kids.



  290.  #290LoveAlways on March 11, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    Leaning back because I want to text CD song. He had a meeting and I thought I would hear from him after, but there I go trying to get in his head, leaning forward thinking about him. Yes, I finally understand that thinking about a guy like this is indeed leaning forward. Gonna breathe and get back into my own groove and not think about him.



  291.  #291Femininewoman on March 11, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    BTW Brenda when someone without a pic contacts me I tend to say “it feels weird talking to someone without a head or to someone without a face”. Usually they immediately ask for an email address or send it to the email on the site.



  292.  #292Butterfly wings on March 11, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    220 Dominique – I agree with you. I lived with both my exes long before marriage was on the table and yep they eventually proposed.

    In TGirl’s situation it is on the table.

    But who says we have to get married anyway? I don’t want to – I just want the commitment which involves living together as a couple. Just no piece of paper – which ultimately meant nothing to me in the end. xx



  293.  #293Siren Angel on March 11, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    Just noticed I used the word ‘wonderful’ like he did in his text. Did not do this on purpose at all! Is it mirroring? Is this mirroring?



  294.  #294Memulo on March 11, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    Starla,

    Yes, sure, though I feel that CF is committed to you. In any case there is no guarantee.. Not that I am good at handling my own emotions, just saying this because there is only this much safe in life you can play.. I can be wrong πŸ˜‰



  295.  #295Brenda on March 11, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    FW,

    Good feeling message for no photo. I figure if this man can’t step up any better than that, I’m letting it drop. He was my first response, around lunchtime. I let it drop and he didn’t pick it back up. His loss.



  296.  #296Siren Angel on March 11, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Brenda, I am happy for you that you are broadening your horizons much more now. Be surprised! Do you really need a pic right away before you chat with someone a little?



  297.  #297Siren Angel on March 11, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    LoveAlways @290,

    I had NO expectation to hear from M tonight, in fact I thought I wouldn’t tonight when I got the text. So yes, I believe they can sense your ‘expectation’.



  298.  #298Starla on March 11, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    and i was feeling so uncomfortable after he left today, as you ladies saw, but he called me not too long ago to tell me how spending time with me just feels amazing and to thank me for such a nice day.:) i can hear in his voice that he is just beaming with pride to be dating me. it feels really lovely:)



  299.  #299LoveAlways on March 11, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    Hi Memulo!



  300.  #300LiliBee on March 11, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    280:

    Oh yeah SA! He will feel glad and proud he succeeded in making you happy πŸ™‚



  301.  #301LoveAlways on March 11, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    Siren Angel

    Thank you!!! I’m sitting here working on it. It feels better letting it go, that feeling, that neediness, that THINKING! Yes dropping the thoughts down from my head, and I can breathe a little bit better each minute. I’m not going to bed until I release it all and feel balanced again. Leaning back is balanced πŸ™‚



  302.  #302LiliBee on March 11, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    286:

    Gee, coming from such an advanced Siren as you FW, your approval feels so flattering πŸ™‚



  303.  #303Starla on March 11, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    Memulo, aw it feels sweet to think that he is committed to me. and i know it’s imaginary without actual talk of commitment.



  304.  #304Linmayu on March 11, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    Daria: I LOVE YOU! I feel so amused by your posts.

    Coco Kisses: Before you can express your feelings authentically to your husband, practice practice PRACTICE expressing them authentically to the person far more important than your husband: yourself! Don’t even think about him if you can help it. I was separated from my husband too, years ago when I found Rori, but I never learned to express my feelings authentically to myself, and could therefore never express them to him (how could I, when I didn’t even know what they were?) Unfortunately, I only figured that piece out long after we were divorced. (Fortunately, I figured it out in time to use it in a situation with my new man!) I really feel your pain on the sexlessness of the marriage, it sucks and feels awful when something like that happens! If your situation is anything like mine was, there’s so much built up anger and resentment, and it’s completely OK to just take the time to sort out your own feelings with yourself, before even speaking a word to him.

    To get on topic, does he have to be ‘more’ than me? Well, what do you mean ‘more’? By whose definition? I can answer that question from my life experience. I went to an Ivy League university and, looking back, cannot think of one single man I met there who would have EVER given me what I wanted in a marriage. Oh, they were so very intelligent, handsome, and destined for great future success in the world, but every single one left me cold romantically (of course, they were also between the ages of 18 and 22; that could have been a factor too). My ex-husband was an extremely intelligent and successful IT guy, but we never connected emotionally and that didn’t end well. The only man I have ever been with who has been sensitive to my heart and feelings, respectful of me and truly loving with a good heart, who adores me for who I am inside and out, is a currently unemployed mechanic with an AA degree.

    I’m aware that there are people in society who would look down on me for ‘marrying down’ educationally. I just don’t give a F what they think because I feel so happy with this man and the way he treats me like a queen.

    I find that career success, especially in certain fields, comes with a price. It often demands that a person give 100% to the job, live 100% in his or her head, and disconnect from any sense of empathy with others. (There are ways to be successful without drinking that Kool-Aid, but they aren’t the norm in our society and certainly not in most corporations.) I feel that a person who has hard-wired himself to define success that way is an unlikely candidate for emotional intimacy.

    Of course, not every woman has emotional intimacy as #1 on her list. A lot of women do genuinely consider financial security, survival, or protection as more important, and that perspective is just as valid.



  305.  #305Starla on March 11, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    Linmayu!!!!!!! Hi! It’s me, Dorothea. I feel happy to see you here.



  306.  #306Turquoise on March 11, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    It’s been an intense weekend, full of lots of emotions, and my ex and I really really talked, for about an hour and a half tonight while he was driving home. I cried a lot, and feel so exhausted. I think it was healing though, we both got a lot out, he just can’t forget the bad stuff, and chooses to focus on the negatives. He told me he feels he’s been so nice to me, but couldn’t think of anything nice I’d done for him. I felt completely heartbroken, as I know I have, I am a good person and I try to make things nice for him. It was such a long conversation, I’m too tired to try to explain it all… but I wasn’t trying to convince or anything, just some things his family said to me today at the party, I asked him what all they knew, and it led to us talking about so many different issues. Earlier today we went to get my phone switched over to his family plan and I got an 1phone4s so now, I can keep up with all you ladies on line. He is very concerned about me having credit card debt, so he offered to lend me the money and then I could pay him back in small payments for the next two years. He hates how much interest I’m paying more than I do. After we’d gotten off the phone, I felt the need to text him and to tell him how I felt. This is what I wrote: (And i know I’m explaining, but felt the need to)

    Me: I feel heartbroken to think u can’t think of anything nice I’ve done for you. Might be wrong that I want to point them out, but feeling like a big loser. When you went to Iraq I organized, packed and personally mailed over at least a dozen boxes of care package supplies for you and your soldiers. Then you told me you were engaged to a woman you’d known a month. That was a slap. I really blamed your mom (for a large part of our divorce) yet forgave and forgot because you asked me to. (when he was deploying to Iraq the first time) It was good for me too, but started out for you. I let Jen (his second fiance) call and see the girls even though it was uncomfortable (this was when he was in Afghanistan) I consoled her on the phone when she cried about how hard it was and reminded her of how much you loved her and that it would be ok. I made the daddy is a soldier book (I’ll explain later) I pray for you all the time. I know it’s not a house or a loan, and wish I had more to offer. Thank you for the loan offer, but I am going to figure something out myself. I can’t stand that you have such a poor opinion of me. I never feel good enough, ever.

    Him: I am sorry, you have done nice things.
    Him: I shouldn’t have said that I apologize. Like I said, I seem to focus on the negative.
    Him: Just got home. YOu have done nice things. Wrong of me to say.

    I wasn’t replying so he called me. We talked a long time, worked through some more issues. He started figuring out how much money I’m throwing away on interest, so he really wants to lend me the money. He knows I need a new vehicle and won’t get a decent loan with all this credit card debt. I was honest with him that I have two cards, which I hadn’t admitted before. THe other one only has a few thousand on it, and the repayment plan I’m in is 0 interest until it’s paid off, so that one isn’t a worry.

    He reiterated several times that this doesn’t mean anything more than him wanting to help me. He said it must feel awful to be in this hole and see no way out of it.

    I wish I had another option, but I don’t. I can make extra payments here and there, but not enough to get it paid off in a year like I’d hoped.

    I don’t know why he feels the need to help me so much, but maybe this is what he has left to teach me. He wants to sit down and do a budget with me next month and he’s always been much better with money than I was. He makes about triple what I do, so that certainly makes a difference, but he’s always wanted to save and invest, pay cash…. I apologized to him for not taking that side of him seriously and that my poor financial skills did cause a lot of problems in our marriage and I took responsibility for that, because even if they weren’t important to me, they were to him, and it was disrespectful of me. He made a joke, but I do feel he actually heard me, and that feels good.

    I have SUCH a headache, ugh. Crying feels good, but the after headache is awful. It’s getting close to midnight and the girls have PSSA’s this week, so I’m going to get to bed soon.



  307.  #307Starla on March 11, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    ((((((((((((turquoise))))))))))))))))



  308.  #308Turquoise on March 11, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    In other news, he did stay here both nights and he invited me to go to dinner with them Saturday night. It was crazy expensive, but so delicious. I had a pinapple upside down cake and some sake, so I was feeling no pain on the way home. When I drink, my inhibitions and rational thinking go out the window. He’d been good, no touching… but when we got home, I totally seduced him. I don’t know why in the world i did it, except the more I kept thinking about how i said having amazing sex was my top 1 thing to do, and here he was, in the flesh, in my home… why was I denying myself that. I rationalized with myself that I wouldn’t see him for another month, and I’d rather have sex with him than start dating and be all hormonal and have sex with someone else… anyways, it was really really good… but it felt like just sex, where before, I was feeling so much more. I don’t know if it was my frame of mind, or knowing I might regret it later… but it felt different. Not bad different, but less emotional. I am not trying to get him back with sex. I know he knows how good it is…. but I feel like we are us, we are connected, when we are together and that the rest of the time, the distance, that that is what is fake or pretend.

    SO, realizing the boundry needs to change. I can’t stay here when he is here because it’s too tempting. I don’t feel bad about it yet, but imagine I will.. so I don’t want to keep setting myself up for when it’s really going to hurt because he does have someone else.

    He told me tonight that he has no one. He does get emails on POF, but that he isn’t actively searching, but does get emails sometimes. IT’s not even the point, the point is that he isn’t choosing me, and I have to accept that.

    He did say he must have forgiven me for what he thinks I did wrong or to hurt him, or he wouldn’t be doing all these nice things for me, but he doesn’t imagine that some day he’ll be able to say, oh everything is wonderful, and none of that matters anymore.

    Then, how about a gulp moment here… he said to me, that he feels I’ve been too focused on finding a man, when I should have been focusing on myself. To focus on me, and make myself happier and a better person, so that someday it will help in a future relationship.

    I didn’t dare tell him about the blog, but I did tell him that i have been focusing on me, and that it just takes time to change, but that he was right, and I did need to focus more on myself.

    Oh, and a side note here…. I told him a lot of times tonight that he was right, and that sure is an instant way to get them to shut up. I know it surprised him that he was telling me things he felt I do, or shouldn’t do, and i agreed with him. I shared my perspective too… but that he was right.

    I don’t want to set myself up to fail, and my no sex boundry probably is that, unless he’s really the one who keeps it and turns me down. I know it’s pitiful and stupid and I’ll regret it later….. but I don’t feel that I can stick to it, so I’m going to change that boundry. Not sure to what though. I won’t see him for a month, and CDing feels overwhelming. I’ve gotten a lot of emails tonight and some sound good… but others were no way. One already asked for my number and I don’t feel ready for that. I don’t think I want to meet him, so not sure where to go with this now. Maybe I’m just too emotional tonight, and aren’t thinking straight. Maybe it will feel better in the morning.



  309.  #309Starla on March 11, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    Turquoise, you mention sometimes that your ex can’t get past the things you did. what did you do that he can’t get past?



  310.  #310Butterfly wings on March 11, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    (((Turquoise))) – TH was really placing a lot of importance in helping me with my finances too. And I suppose like with your ex, he was possibly frustrated with seeing me in this hole and he just needed to “solve” it, which of course is very masculine.

    There’s no doubt your ex cares for you too, and he’s in a position to help you, and you are the mother of his children too.

    He comes across as a good man – just a shame he’s focusing on the bad stuff. Time may heal all of that, so who knows what your future holds??

    I’m glad he apologized.

    I’m reading a book right now on personality profiles and he seems to perfectly fit one of the pessimistic ones! TH does too!

    xxxx



  311.  #311Turquoise on March 11, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    The party today went pretty well, and I didn’t have to even worry about my walk away much because it took him hours to get the trampoline up, so the men were out there and the women inside, and the kids ran in and out.

    It was kinda funny though. His mom kept telling me how great her walmart cell phone is. His sister has one too, but she only had one bar at my house, so no good for me. I said I’d looked at them, that is a great price, etc. SO, his sister says, Well C, I thought you were on C’s plan now? I said, no, he offered, but I haven’t switched yet. Then his mom really laid it on thick about why I shouldn’t let him have that control over me, he can be checking up on me, not that she thought he’d do that, but you never know. You’d think after 18 years that woman would realize the more she tries to convince me not to do something, the more i want it! Shortly after they all left, we went to the mall and I got my phone. SO now, I have an awesome iphone for $45 a month! I asked him about it and he told me he’d told her he was adding me to his plan and she tried to talk him out of it too… how great her walmart phone is. And, for just 1 line, you can’t beat it. But, once you start adding lines, it all adds up to be about the same, but with better phones.

    I added some apps already:

    Flashlight
    Period tracker
    Facebook
    and a camera app



  312.  #312Emerson on March 11, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    233 ((Daria))
    I feel the same way sometimes.
    I was second guessing not going on the date with NewCD, but I think I’m ok with it.

    What happened was he asked me out to breakfast in the beginning of the week but then never followed up and confirmed the place/time.

    I wasnt sure if we were still on, and he sent a text the night before we were supposed to meet for breakfast and I didnt reply till morning. When I saw the text in the morning, I left him a message saying I am open to see you but was not sure if we were still on cuz hadnt heard from you….and never heard back from him. Whatever!

    I’d told him previously I don’t want to text, and what does he do? text.

    I like the idea of being true to myself and attracting someone that meets my needs.



  313.  #313Emerson on March 11, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    Thanks for the encouraging replies sirens to my previous post when I was feeling yucky.

    I am still feeling scared sh#tle$$ at the moment because I don’t know what my life plan is. I am literally feeling sick to my stomach over it and feeling desperate.

    I don’t like feeling desperate.
    I don’t like feeling at the mercy of others.

    I don’t want to feel betrayed by my family.
    I feel isolated from them right now.
    My feelings are not respected or honored and that is a major major major trigger for me.
    I finally expressed it and now everything feels so tense.
    But, again, I was told my feelings were invalid.
    I feel like $hit.



  314.  #314Butterfly wings on March 11, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    T, I love my phone and I have the following apps (and more) that you might find useful (most are freebies!):

    Skype – free calls/IMs to other skype users
    Viber – similar to skype
    Seize the day (for goal setting etc)
    NavFree (free GPS program)
    iBooks – for reading PDF’s
    Goodreader – similar to iBooks
    Nike+ GPS – for tracking how long you run/walk for
    My Fitness Pal – for tracking calories etc
    MyAccounts – for tracking your finances (TH has me using this for the money I withdraw in cash – it’s to track my CASH spending!
    Gratitude! – for writing down what I’m grateful for each day – a good habit to get into!
    D@mn you autocorrect – when I need a laugh.

    Your former mother inlaw sounds like a piece of work!

    xxx



  315.  #315Turquoise on March 11, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    Starla,

    Some of this really seems to be him reaching to me, because he is the one who left me, but I didn’t tell him when I started dating. He told me over the phone that he’d filed for a divorce, I was angry, and felt he had no right. He brought up a lot of stuff about the guy I had a serious relationship with, like that I gave him a key and took the girls to a cabin with him and his daughter for a few days without telling him. It wasn’t out of state, he didn’t live here, wasn’t his time to see him or anything, but I didn’t tell him until we’d actually already gone.

    But the bigger ones, the ones that I really think are the main ones, is that I will get a portion of his military retirement when he retires, it’s small.. a few hundred a month, but will be for the rest of his life. When we were married he started to stress about that possibility after hearing from another guy who’d “been raked over the coals” and I said I hadn’t married him for his money, I didn’t care about his retirement. Well, when we first separated, my girls were very young, I’d given up my career to be a stay home mom, and my lawyer told me I’d be crazy to give that up, as I was entitled to. So, in the end when it came out that I wasn’t giving that up, he flipped. There was also an incident where we’d met to exchange the girls, it got heated, he started shoving me, and an off duty cop pulled a gun. He ended up getting arrested. The charges were dropped, but the police were agressive with him, it was humiliating and could have ruined his career. He sees it differently than I do, and since something I said caused him to react that way, it’s my fault.

    It’s actually pretty amazing that we’ve come as far as we have the last few years, because we had a really volatile relationship for awhile. When I think about the negative times, I wonder how I could even let him touch me, forget want it. And, I’m sure he feels the same way. That day was the worst of his life, the girls saw it, and remember it, and he can’t let it go.



  316.  #316LoveAlways on March 11, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    Okay, I’m not thinking of CD song anymore, Leaning way back and feeling better now. NOW I can sleep πŸ˜‰

    Sweet dreams sirens



  317.  #317Turquoise on March 11, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    Starla, That was in 2007 by the way.

    BW, I know he wants to fix it for me. I just feel so mad at myself for even getting in this position financially, and it’s like he needs to save me, as if I can’t save myself.

    I love that he wants to take care of me, and help me… but it feels deflating to need it too.



  318.  #318Daria on March 11, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    hey! my standing up with that fave cd and then not answering the last text wound up with him calling me and then us having a conversation and now i feel all connected and stuff πŸ™‚

    and also i feel like i DESERVE a boyfriend to swing his phat jeep roundmy way πŸ™‚

    weeee

    OH

    and that tapping on the trauma of getting hit in the face… it ehlped a LOT to take my terror down thinking of fighting

    i no longer have visions of me feeling weak and off balance

    weee

    i gonna tap more on that

    also today had so much energy to do organzing around house

    wow

    i feel plesed with myself

    thank you daria for organziing

    thatnk you daria for cooking

    thank you Daria for doing eFT

    thank you Daria for eating

    tahnk you Daria for making tea

    thank you Daria for brushing my teeth and hair

    thank you Daria for listening to my voicemails



  319.  #319Daria on March 11, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    ((Emerson))

    all the NO pays off when the Yeses roll around…



  320.  #320Butterfly wings on March 11, 2012 at 10:07 pm

    I know what you mean T. While I’m not too bad, I did feel bad for even needing help in the first place!

    In saying that, since TH did my budget less than 2 months ago, I’ve been able to reduce my CC balance by over $1000!

    Giving him the control was what was hardest for me! πŸ˜‰



  321.  #321Turquoise on March 11, 2012 at 10:07 pm

    He said something to me tonight about if I didn’t accept his help, it would be because of my pride, and that by accepting his help, it could save me a lot of money.

    It would be stupid not to, and he did mention this to me before, so not a totally new idea for him.

    I guess I just want it to mean more.



  322.  #322Daria on March 11, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    Turquise – drink lots of water 2 – 4 cups during crying to really let it heal and totally prevent headache



  323.  #323Daria on March 11, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    Linmayu – omg hi! it feels so good to see you and read that you love my posts πŸ˜€



  324.  #324Butterfly wings on March 11, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    If I were you T, I’d accept his help. Isn’t being a siren all about receiving? And as a man he will also feel good about helping you.

    If you both have a chance of a future together then this arrangement could be the basis of something more one day.

    Learning to receive from TH when I was so used to not being given to was a very interesting experience!



  325.  #325Daria on March 11, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    jsut reread that you wrote you love ME omg that feels even better πŸ˜€

    I feel loved!



  326.  #326Turquoise on March 11, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    Yeah BW, the control thing is big. I just added my cell phone to his plan, so now he could check out who I’m talking to and texting. BUT, unless he’s trying to trick me, he doesn’t care who I’m talking to.

    I live in his house, and now I’ll be paying him a loan payment.

    Hmm… when I think of it like that, sounds kinda intimidating…. but by letting him help me, we have a better life.

    Regardless of all this, I think out conversation tonight gave him a lot to think about. He did tell me that he and J had broken up long before I believed, so the things that happened between us, mostly happened while they weren’t together, or just giving it a chance. I understand why he wouldn’t want to tell me, but I wasted soooo much time and energy thinking about them and what I was doing, and making assumptions about him, that weren’t even true, This is a good example of why I should just focus on ME!



  327.  #327Butterfly wings on March 11, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    (((Emerson))) – I’m not sure of your background with your family but what I’ve learned is that sometimes it’s best to just distance yourself from those who drain you – or at least restrict your time with them.

    Are you in a position to do this?

    Unfortunately you can pick your friends but not your relatives!

    xxx



  328.  #328Butterfly wings on March 11, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    Definitely a good lesson T.

    And if your life’s better then your girls benefit too. And he also feels good.

    It’s win-win-win from where I stand, as long as you feel good about the benefits!

    I finally had my new CC approved last week, so soon I’ll only be paying 0.99%! Can’t wait to see my balance improve even more than before! πŸ™‚



  329.  #329Turquoise on March 11, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    Thanks Daria. Going to pour a glass now and go to bed. I’m exhausted.

    BW, I know you are right. It’s almost a humbling feeling. I don’t feel relieved or happy, nor am I allowing myself to get beyond feeling humbled right now. He wants to solve my problem, so I’ll allow it. I have sent a lot of thoughts out to the universe that I wanted this taken care of and I needed a way to make it happen. Can I turn down what I’ve been asking for? Why would I? Because I feel bad needing the help? Because it will be another issue in my life, checked off and I don’t have to worry about anymore? I don’t know. But, not going to make a big deal out of it. I’m going to accept the help, be grateful that it showed up. I wonder if anyone else is going to show up in my life to help me, or if it will keep being him?



  330.  #330Tiffany on March 11, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    It’s 10:15 p.m. and I had a great day hanging out with many of my girl friends. I even got a chance to take a quick walk with one of my friends, who recently got married, and whom I am able to connect with, when we get together and talk. I was inspired to tell her what happened with OM, and she responded much in the same way that many of you have here.

    She didn’t like the fact that he wasn’t able to get into my feelings and understand where he was coming from. But on the other hand, I myself wasn’t totally ready to just write him off, because of all the good stuff that came before, and after as well.

    Dominique – I did go ahead and send that short email. maybe with a few changes.

    he responded in an accommodating way.

    But I’ve realized something, which is that even though I do want and need some “space,” it doesn’t feel great that I am “running away.” Because that’s really what it feels like – that I am just too chicken to face my own fears and/or to feel my feelings in the presence of another person. Or to let them be there for me, even when I’m feeling like crap. I have to do it “on my own.” Why?

    And I feel inspired to send a more feeling-y message. Not to back down from where I stand at all. But actually to let him KNOW where I really stand – which I didn’t give any indication of in my previous email. It’s a little late for me. I am not sure if I should write at all this late in the day. On the other hand, all this stuff is on my mind. It’s fresh, and I have a busy week ahead of me. If I don’t write it now, I may never write it.

    And if I just feel it, maybe that’s enough?

    I don’t know…hm…feeling, feeling.

    I just have this vision that if I were to totally express myself in the way that I want to, he would feel glowy and would respond positively. Not predicting how that would be, but I can practically smell it now….



  331.  #331Turquoise on March 11, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    That is awesome BW…. .99 is awesome! Ok, I have to go to bed. Thank you ladies for being here for me. I needed you!



  332.  #332Butterfly wings on March 11, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    What I’ve learnt T is that when you get used to having something in your life (to the point that you expect it), you will keep attracting more of the same.

    So the more you get used to receiving, the more situations you will find yourself in to receive (from your ex or anyone). It will be kind of like it’s a normal part of your life.

    When TH first spent money on me I almost fainted! I just wasn’t used to it – and I felt kind of guilty and unworthy too. But now I accept his gifts, knowing I am worthy!



  333.  #333Tiffany on March 11, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    Just want to say that I feel so good reading everyone’s responses to me here! It’s really helped me get through this day/weekend.

    I don’t know what any of this means with OM. I guess the whole situation wouldn’t matter at all if I didn’t care about him, or about having a relationship with him, or if I didn’t like him. Which, of course, I do.

    And of course the whole reason the thing happened in the first place is because he turns me on, apparently.

    (These are some of the things I want to tell him.)

    But right now I am just so sleepy. And I started writing to him, but then I couldn’t keep going. I pictured myself going to sleep instead.

    I wonder if he can feel me feeling my feelings? I wonder if he can feel my juicy vibe, as I sink into all the luscious sweetness that is in me?

    the main thing I want to tell him is that I don’t really want to run away, either. That doesn’t feel good to me. I want to FEEL my feelings – without getting scared and “bolting.” But I don’t want to make it “too easy” for him, either. Ha.

    I guess going to sleep is a good idea. Stay true to my word. Take “a break” as I said I needed. It only makes sense…

    But I had a great vision. As I was sinking into the “soup,” which felt a bit like stewed peaches and cream, it seemed a clear image of a gold ring with a round diamond on it emerged. I didn’t “imagine” it, or decide to see it because I wanted to. It was just there. So I thought, “ok. I guess I am in the right place…” and I decided to feel what it would feel like if that ring were actually part of me. Or if it WERE me…

    Hm. I am the ring with the diamond in it. I am the prize. My feelings are luscious and succulent and worthy. I am who I am and I’m everything he wants….

    I can relax and let go…..



  334.  #334Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    #193 Sensual

    Don’t seem too many organic one’s around these here parts. Do you think it’s better to meet organically than on a dating site?



  335.  #335Daria on March 11, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    wow im feeling so much peace of mind now regarding fighting and my sister and other women i felt afraid of… its like so much of the in the body fear, confusion has reduced

    yeah for this trauma tapping on old stuff its clearing my fears



  336.  #336Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    #207 T-Girl

    Oohh you just gave me goosebumps. πŸ™‚

    I wish you and J very much happiness.



  337.  #337Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    #220 Cocokisses

    My sister lived with her husband for 7 years before they got married, 2nd time around for both of them.

    Maybe marriage isn’t the be and end all when you have already done the whole wedding thing.



  338.  #338Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    #228 T-Girl

    I posted my 337 comment before I got to yours and we have used the very same words lol!!

    Be and end all. πŸ˜€



  339.  #339Lena on March 11, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    Tiffany (44 and onwards))

    Hi.

    Yes – sort of same situation. Are you doing well now?:)

    I guess it was very confusing to him:) And please look at it with the sense of humor:) Its funny actually – he wants you, you say “yesnomayberepeatthequestion”. He sort of “dancing” near you in all the possible ways… Cheer up. He seems so sweet that he tried talking it out with you. My guy just shut the “friends” thing into my face and disappeared:) He actually didnt really care how I felt than. Your guy seems like he does – its wonderful.



  340.  #340Daria on March 11, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    thank you Daria for the EFT



  341.  #341Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    #231 Radiant Rising

    “Oh something funny last night when I had to do homework, memorizing by heart a 23 stroke symbol into the palm of my hand, my brother said about my teacher, β€œDang he’s Mr. Miyagi-ing her a$$!” then my sister said, β€œWax on, sis!” Lol, I have one supportive family! I feel warm and blessy.”

    I totally do not get what you are saying here, can you please translate into British English? πŸ™‚



  342.  #342Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    #240 Memulo

    If you cook dinner for a man, “put” him to bed and read him a story, isn’t that being his mummy and by definition over-functioning?

    If I have learnt nothing else from this blog, it is that women DO far too much. That is why we are all here………….



  343.  #343Daria on March 11, 2012 at 11:04 pm


  344.  #344Butterfly wings on March 11, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    342 Memulo – I 100% agree with what SMB says here, and my first thought when I read what you’d done was that you were very much mothering him.

    He’ll continue to accept it while it’s being offered in the short term, but if you want a deep and lasting connection with his heart, then leaning forward and over functioning will not get you what you want long term.

    xxx



  345.  #345Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 11:16 pm

    {{{{{{{{{{ Turquoise }}}}}}}}}}



  346.  #346Silver Moonbeam on March 11, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    #315 Turquoise

    Has you ex taken responsibility for the way he reacted to you that caused the cop to pull a gun on him? You did NOT cause him to react that way, that is his own baggage.

    He was engaged twice to other women, yet he got mad because you went away with a man when you weren’t even with him? Like you have to check in with him for every thing you do, yes they are his children but you are the primary caretaker, not him.

    He doesn’t like the way you handle money and is mad because you are entitled to some of his pension? He got you on his phone plan so now he has access to your phone records and he wants to lend you money to pay off your credit card which sounds good in theory, but you will be indebted to him in many ways.

    To be honest I actually agree with his mother on the fact that he is controlling.

    You “seem” to have him on some sort of pedestal forgetting that YOU are the Goddess here.

    I know it is doubly hard for you with young children and you can’t have this fantastic social butterfly life with no babysitters, etc. But honest Turq, you are such a lovely woman and a great mum to the girls I wish you could see yourself as we all do.

    Next time he comes over can you go away to your sisters or something and let him take full responsibility for his children, like 24/7 care. It really is an odd arrangement that he stays at your house to see the kids, I know that it’s “his” house that he bought, but you are paying rent to him so he is in effect your landlord.

    How will all this seem to a new man when you meet?

    I feel teary right now and am so angry at your ex, he sounds a very unforgiving man.



  347.  #347Butterfly wings on March 12, 2012 at 12:00 am

    RAWR!!!! My period has been going for 8 days now. NOT happy! I am so over it! Any ideas on a natural remedy anyone? This is driving me crazy!!!



  348.  #348Emerson on March 12, 2012 at 12:38 am

    342 Silver Moon
    I am so guilty of this. I tend to be very mothering and love to do stuff for my man like his laundry and make coffee, dinner, etc etc…..aw jeez.

    Thank God for this blog helping me learn not to be a Mommy to anyone but children.

    I miss “mommying” RecycledCD because it was fun to “take care” of someone…



  349.  #349Emerson on March 12, 2012 at 12:45 am

    319 Daria thank you for your reply and I am happy when I read your posts and you’re true to yourself…it feels inspiring and I say “I want to be like Daria and show my feelings and be true to myself” xoxo hugs

    327 BW thank you for the comment and yes I do want to get some distance but it makes me sad because I feel like I need them and want them to love me and be there for me…and when they don’t recognize or acknowledge my feelings it really feels like a gaping hole and it feels bad. πŸ™ I had times in my life in the past where I just “gave up” and created a great distance and it was sad….I’ve allowed the closeness again and now I’m feeling let down….again.

    Don’t know how to expect less, I guess. I also feel like they put other non-family people first before me and that REALLY hurts. Why wouldn’t you take care of me FIRST before helping others that are not your daughter??? It’s just weird and sad and frustrating and now my sister and I are not getting along either. She really hurt my feelings by leaving me out of a family vacation plan with our cousins. She didn’t invite me and was being secretive. I feel so sad about it that I don’t understand why they don’t want me with them. πŸ™ Emerson πŸ™



  350.  #350Emerson on March 12, 2012 at 12:47 am

    239 FW thank you for stating that..I’m getting braver in clarifying what I want…and things are happening. Slowly, but they are happening (hopefully) job wise…..I am learning not to be so vague but still remain open while thinking of what I want! or need! Now if I can only apply it to relationship stuff. πŸ™‚



  351.  #351Emerson on March 12, 2012 at 12:51 am

    I am contemplating joining a gym. I don’t like gyms so much, but I’m thinking of trying it again.



  352.  #352Emerson on March 12, 2012 at 12:54 am

    I’ve been thinking alot about my need to be “right” even if it’s about self destructive stuff. Like do I have the need to be “right” that men will let me down and not prioritize me? See!! Hmmph! I was RIGHT! That does not feel good, no no no…I don’t want to be right I don’t care about being right I want to be loved not be RIGHT….
    I want to feel refreshed and not so scrunchy eyed and tight in my neck and back and headachey and sad feeling….
    I want to feel happy and free and loved and not worried about money or love coming my way…
    I don’t know how long I can take this cloudiness…I really hate feeling this way.



  353.  #353Silver Moonbeam on March 12, 2012 at 1:21 am

    #348 Emerson

    Yes that was a HUGE shift for me too, as I have been sooooo guilty of mothering a man. πŸ™

    I cringe when I think of some of the mummy things I have done, and you know the men lap it up, not like it offends them so we keep on as we think this is the way to DO instead of just BEING.

    I tried to tell my daughter who lives with her man but like she says it is hard to do laundry or cooking for the family and not do his washing or dish up an extra plate.

    I don’t know how you are supposed to get around it in these circumstances???

    Sirens????



  354.  #354Silver Moonbeam on March 12, 2012 at 1:25 am

    #351 Emerson

    I joined a gym over a week ago and have only been once. πŸ™

    I have started my morning walking/trotting again after all these months of inactivity and have lifted weights just the once, but it’s a start and I do feel so much better in myself after exercise and a shower.

    I keep thinking of Wayne Dyer from yesterday Excuses Begone!!! πŸ˜€



  355.  #355Daria on March 12, 2012 at 1:36 am

    omg imagining myself in a fight now i feel sooo much stronger and steadier… and not woozy or offbalance or like i cant look at the person or look one way or fuzzy headed or dizzy or anything

    weeeeee

    i feel so thrilled to discover this shift after tapping



  356.  #356Daria on March 12, 2012 at 1:47 am

    u GUYS i have hella more “do it” energy… i organize and all that stuff and im SICK

    ive never had this much energy sick

    i think its the quail eggs

    i feel very very happy



  357.  #357Brenda on March 12, 2012 at 2:06 am

    Siren Angel,

    RE: #296 – “Brenda, I am happy for you that you are broadening your horizons much more now. Be surprised! Do you really need a pic right away before you chat with someone a little?”

    Thanks! I prefer a picture. I am willing to chat a little without one. But I won’t meet a man without one. The way I see it is when you meet someone, that is the first thing you know about them, their appearance.

    I have been on enough disappointing blind dates that I don’t want to put myself in that position meeting someone who won’t send a picture. Everyone else sends a picture. Why can’t you send a picture? Sure, security is an issue, as in safety. But I say if a man won’t send a photo, he has something to hide. I don’t want to be unpleasantly surprised.



  358.  #358Brenda on March 12, 2012 at 2:18 am

    Turquoise,

    I know it was all painful and emotional to talk about all that with your ex…but from where I sit, it sounds like some really good growth, and he has to really care about you to be so concerned about your finances. Are you going to let him pay the credit card? I hope so!

    That is really good that he apologized and called you. That must have been hard to be supportive to his other women when he was in Iraq. And they didn’t last…you did.

    I hope and think that it is just a matter of time before we hear that Turquoise is getting remarried to her ex! He sounds like a terrific man!



  359.  #359Brenda on March 12, 2012 at 2:22 am

    Emerson and Moonbeam,

    I tend to be mothering too, caring for a man. I am good about not scolding type stuff. But I have a lot of maternal instincts. Ryan liked it, too.

    I guess it’s more of an attitude of picturing myself like a queen on a throne and he cares for my needs. Not sure if I subscribe to that or not.



  360.  #360Brenda on March 12, 2012 at 2:28 am

    Butterfly Wings,

    Help with your period: I have chronic bleeding issues at times, when I’m under stress. I have had periods that have gone a month and at worst, three full months of bleeding. One doctor sent me to an emergency room because my iron was so low.

    Taking pain reliever 2-3 times a day calms it down a lot for me. NOT exercising…I know that may be tuff when you are working out with the man tho. The more I lie still, the calmer it gets. Putting a heating pad there helps soothe it too.

    There are health food remedies. Chasteberry is one. There is one I get called PMS with stuff like Primrose in it, from a health food store. I can’t say how much those do or don’t help, but I feel pretty confident in health food remedies.

    If it becomes chronic, the medical treatment is birth control, because it regulates the hormones. But for me sometimes even this doesn’t work.



  361.  #361Brenda on March 12, 2012 at 2:29 am

    Moonbeam,

    RE: 354 – Do you gallop, too? πŸ˜†



  362.  #362Sirenity on March 12, 2012 at 2:34 am

    SMB and Turquoise..I agree totally with what SMB wrote Turquoise and I have written something very similar to you in the past.

    I have worked with women subjected to domestic abuse and they are often caught in repetitive loops of behavior with the man, based around control and neediness.

    I dont mean to imply that is how your relationship is T at all and I certainly am not walking in your shoes. I want to express that i feel scared for you , i feel anxious that you cant meet a good man while this one is “owning” you in all these ways . I feel concerned that he owns your weekends whenever suits him and that as he owns the house so he can come and go when he likes. He can screen your calls and texts and keep a total watch over your actions and any men friends you have. He is even hosting family events from “your” home !!!

    When you dont do what he wants he gets angry, you have mentioned his anger several times. An off duty cop pulled a gun on him ??? Wow , that is no minor disagreement you were having.

    An angry man doesnt change in my experience. The people around him just get used to walking on eggshells and taking “blame ” and “responsibility” for his anger and violence. In fact this man is TRAINED to be aggressive and angry and controlling and that is his lifes work.

    I challenge you to spend weekends away as SMB suggests and DONT TELL HIM WHERE YOU ARE ..this is not a game..he has your number..tell him you need to work on your self and you need your privacy. Then do it!!

    Learn to be independent ..take any money he gives you indirectly and put it in an account for the girls , so all the things he pays go to THEM. Make sure he knows that he is not supporting YOU because that gives him ownership.

    I feel anxious and mostly because I know you have feelings for him.



  363.  #363Brenda on March 12, 2012 at 2:42 am

    Turquoise,

    RE: #311 – I’m glad you let ex get your phone!

    I had the walmart phone for a couple of years, and my Mom still has it. You are talking about Straight Talk, right? It may be cheap, but you get what you pay for. Their customer service is HORRIBLE! I have spent hours on hold, and I went thru one period where they messed up my records on their computer, and they changed my number 3 months in a row!

    It was almost as inconvenient as identity theft! What made it extra frustrating is that Kenny couldn’t call me for weeks, because he has to have an approved phone list.

    Here’s another thought about your ex: On “Communication Secrets” by Christian Carter, he describes a relationship like a bridge. All the things we go thru with a man build another cable and another connecting piece until there are many, many things holding that relationship together.

    There are so many years of building shared memories, love, etc. It is a powerful bond.

    I believe a long term relationship like that has a far better chance of getting back together.



  364.  #364Sirenity on March 12, 2012 at 2:46 am

    Turquoise , I was re-reading trying to find the things that you “did” that he had trouble getting past . All i read was normal stuff like moving on to a new relationship after he divorced you and getting serious about protecting your financial future. Have I missed something?

    He still cant get “past” those things? That you seized control over YOUR life at those times and kept the reins in YOUR hands ? Oh No.



  365.  #365Brenda on March 12, 2012 at 2:49 am

    BW and Turquoise,

    RE: #314 – My favorite apps:

    The Better Keyboard – It helps auto spell words for texting. It also has a button for Voice Recognition. Now I speak most of my texts and emails when using my phone! I love it!

    The Bible! I can listen to it with my headphones while I drive!

    Gmail calendar and contacts connect between my computer and phone

    Facebook

    Youtube

    FM Radio

    Weather – at a glance, I have a basic one week forecast! I use it all the time!

    Clock and alarm clock



  366.  #366Silver Moonbeam on March 12, 2012 at 2:50 am

    #361 Brenda

    :D:D:D



  367.  #367Brenda on March 12, 2012 at 2:51 am

    Oh, yes, I use my GPS all the time! It has transformed my life! I love how I can use it for driving OR public transportation OR walking!



  368.  #368Silver Moonbeam on March 12, 2012 at 2:55 am

    #364 Sirenity

    I agree, I was honestly expecting Turq to come out with something like he caught her in bed with his best friend, or she stole money from his family, or she beat the children (I know she would’nt) but something unforgivable and extremely hard to get over, not every day transgressions, nobody is perfect, nobody. Not even the ex.

    Sorry for talking about you in the 3rd person Turquoise.



  369.  #369Brenda on March 12, 2012 at 2:56 am

    Turquoise,

    RE: #324 – “If I were you T, I’d accept his help. Isn’t being a siren all about receiving? And as a man he will also feel good about helping you.

    If you both have a chance of a future together then this arrangement could be the basis of something more one day.

    Learning to receive from TH when I was so used to not being given to was a very interesting experience!”

    I agree. I think he is trying to be responsible to his daughters. I don’t see him as trying to control you. I mean he cares about you, too, but I see it as very responsible and caring that he is trying to situate the three of you well.



  370.  #370Silver Moonbeam on March 12, 2012 at 2:57 am

    I am obsessed with the weather app on my phone, I love to see it raining where I used to live when it’s sunny and bright down here. πŸ™‚

    And I like the noise the windscreen wipers make too lol!!



  371.  #371Brenda on March 12, 2012 at 2:59 am

    I guess I’m going back to bed. Just not waking up here.



  372.  #372Brenda on March 12, 2012 at 3:01 am

    Moonbeam,

    Cool! I haven’t seen the wipers…what is the name of the app? Mine is from accuweather dot com.



  373.  #373Butterfly wings on March 12, 2012 at 3:08 am

    353 SMB – It’s ok to give back sometimes.

    TH cooks for me often but if I’m cooking for myself and my girls, then of course he gets a plate too. I can’t see how that’s over functioning. Same with laundry. I put his stuff in with mine.

    In return he mows the lawn, he takes me places, he buys me things, and so much more. Cooking the occasional meal or washing his shirts is nothing in comparison I feel. πŸ™‚



  374.  #374Butterfly wings on March 12, 2012 at 3:13 am

    360 Brenda – this is a one-off and I’ve exercised a lot less this last week than usual. So I’m thinking I need to exercise MORE! πŸ™‚

    Thanks for your advice about the herbal remedies. I’ll definitely look into that!



  375.  #375Silver Moonbeam on March 12, 2012 at 3:26 am

    #373 BW

    Just as I thought, I mean you can’t sift through the washing and only wash your own clothes or make dinner and not give him a plateful can you?

    Seems small minded and mean spirited.



  376.  #376Silver Moonbeam on March 12, 2012 at 4:27 am

    #372 Brenda

    It was already installed on the phone, it’s called ……AccuWeather.com and makes all kinds of sounds for different weathers, when it was foggy here this morning it was all misty and swirly and made like a shushing sound. πŸ™‚

    It’s 9 and clear in New York, 22 and clear in Sydney and 6 and foggy in London. πŸ˜€



  377.  #377Turquoise on March 12, 2012 at 4:37 am

    Hi sirens,

    SMB, yes and no. He knows he has a bad temper and that he handled the situation poorly, but he doesn’t take full responsibility. He’d just gotten back from 16 months in Iraq, it wasn’t a good time. I can honestly say, he’s never laid a hand on me in anger since. He is very very image conscious, and his side of the story is that a woman called the police because she thought we were being robbed, they thought he had a gun which he didn’t, they had physically hurt him and had to try and charge him with something. Because she came to testify on his defense, not knowing that he had actually hurt me, somehow, he still can’t seem to see it from my perspective.

    I don’t think he’s trying to control me or trick me. He didn’t offer me the house, the loan or the phone for negative reasons. I had hoped it meant something more…. but for some reason he’s trying to improve my life and just doesn’t see me doing it on my own. Which, wasn’t happening except socially and emotionally. He never was controlling when we were married, I could always come and go as I please, he never said I couldn’t spend money or have something unless it was something big we couldn’t afford, like new dining room furniture once. (which we didn’t even really have room for, I don’t know what I was thinking) didn’t read my emails, etc.

    What he has done in the past is say, that he wanted us to get back together, and I was with someone else or didn’t do something (he hadn’t told me that was what he wanted), so it’s my fault we aren’t kinda thing. The biggest flaw I see in him is that there is a lot of blame. Something is always someone’s fault. Not necessarily always someone elses, but a lot of blame.

    SMB, it may be hard for another man seeing my situation, but mainly it’s going to be hard because I have feelings for him. Until that changes, I don’t know how it’s going to work with someone else anyways.

    Sirenity, I appreciate the concern, I really do… and I do see it from your perspective. I am not ignoring that there were problems, or that potentially there could be more, but I do believe he has good intentions here and wants to help me get on my feet.

    SMB, (I know I’m jumping all over here ladies, just writing as the responses pop into my head) Part of our conversation was me telling him those things, that it was unfair of him to blame me for dating when he did leave me, how hurt I was, how much anger I had, and that I resented a lot of what he did too… but that I am not choosing to focus on our painful past, as it does me no good now. I believe we have both changed. He’s not on a pedestal with me, because I really do know him, inside and out it feels sometimes. But I admire a lot about him and he has done a lot more for me, especially financially than he’s had to.

    As far as hosting the party here and coming and going as he pleases, I suggested the party because his mom just had breast cancer tumors removed and starts her radiation treatment this week. I also wanted them to see the house because it really is a wonderful thing he did for us. I offered for him to stay here because it is his house too, and the girls have really missed out on his not having a normal life, with a house of his own that they can go to and have just normal time with them. When he comes here, he’s always had to take them to his moms, it’s often a lot of chaos and drama and they spend most of the time with all their cousins and aunts and uncles… his sister has been going through a nasty divorce, it’s just not a positive experience for them sometimes. So, this offer was for all of them, that they can have time to just be together and bond, for him to be part of their daily lives.

    He does often change plans, or make last minute decisions. It’s often up in the air. I guess I’ve gotten so used to it, because even when we have a plan, it often ends up getting switched… that I have accepted it. I don’t want to fight, it’s not worth it, and when I do have plans, I tell him if it’s screwing me up, and he makes it work.

    I told him last night that it would be best if I stay elsewhere when he’s here because I am tempted and us being alone, isn’t a good idea. He didn’t reply.

    The thing is, it’s not about him, it’s about me making some boundaries and sticking to them. I have to want something more than I want him, and at this point… it’s my focus.

    Brenda, thank you for the support and encouragment. It is really strange, because I do believe we could end up together again, but I don’t see how. I don’t see the middle road that leads to that ending. I just see that possible future. Which is probably part of the problem, I don’t know my path. If I could figure out what I’m doing and where I am going, regardless of him, I’d feel more sure of myself.



  378.  #378Lizka on March 12, 2012 at 5:10 am

    Hi sirens!

    I Feel so tired because I almost didn’t sleep last night. I was feeling stressed of what I would right here this morning. I feel extremly scary to be judged or misunderstood.

    Pressure of society. I feel like I have to justify. Don’t understand why… So I’ll just justify in order to get over that and be able to channel my thoughts and go back to me.

    So… Wednesday I had anwonderful date with ModelCD.

    Thursday I went out and Cdated many men and flirted with FantasyCD (and PS I got confirmed this weeke d that he indeed broke up with his girlfriend).

    Friday I dated myself and had a wonderful day.

    Saturday I went to a party with ModelCD and Dicaprio and flirted with Dicaprio.

    Sunday ATW came see me and yes, we had sex.

    I don’t feel ashamed AT ALL of it. I feel very proud actually. I just feel scared of what some of you will think…

    All my life I didn’t need a commitment to sleep with someone. I just needed to feel like it.

    Anyway you might not understand because all you know of me and my life and my relationship with ATW is a bunch of words.

    I’ve always been very very sexual, just TALKING about sex is something I do everyday and enjoy doing. People know me lile that. Not sleeping with a man I had a 1 year relationship with and asking for short dates feels ridiculous to me. I don’t want that.

    Sex felt incredibly good and I am not regretful. I did it BECAUSE ME AN MY BODY wanted it!! Not because he was pressuring me or because I owed him something after the massage and the breakfast. I feel actually sad that some of you thought that I would think like this… I value muself more than that.

    And actually, maybe for some of you, you need a commited relationship, but that is not exactly what I want from ATW. I have said that already, but I am not really sure we’re meabt to be together. I like his company and I like his attention, but I’m not ready to give up on ModelCD, FantasyCD, Dicaprio and all the other possible CDs I could have. So I can’t ask for exclusivity to him as I’m not ready to give it myself right now. But I still wanted to sleep with him because we know each other very well.

    Sorry if this post felt defensive. That’s just how I feel this morning.

    And now, I just want to go back to my fabulous life and dream of my dream man… Thank you for understanding.



  379.  #379Silver Moonbeam on March 12, 2012 at 5:20 am

    #377 Turquoise

    Perhaps I jumped in too hastily having been in an abusive marriage and I care about you and can relate to you as you are much like my daughter who was on her own with 2 little ones and who went through some just awful stuff with her ex husband, and I got triggered by all the “drama” surrounding him and your life (and mine and my daughter’s), and I really do hope he wants you to get back together one day down the track and you end up having a wonderful family life.

    Yes I can see the good he has done offering you a home, phone, money offers, it all sounds good in theory though to some outsiders like myself I am naturally wary because of my own past, but of course you know the man, we don’t.

    As you know I am no expert siren, but if Rori were here I am sure she would tell you the only way out of this (as improbable as it sounds) is to Circular Date.

    I have been on and off the blog for 2 years or so now and I have seen it soooo many times, where it all turned on a dime when the woman suddenly was too busy for “him” with all the joyous things she was creating on her own and with her new CD’s.

    Prepare to be surprised.



  380.  #380Lizka on March 12, 2012 at 5:20 am

    Oh and PS I KNOW I am not gonna get him back by connecting with sex. But like I said, that’s not what I’m trying to do (get him back).



  381.  #381Dominique on March 12, 2012 at 5:29 am

    Coco Kisses – I’m sorry, but I take what any statistic or poll says with a grain of salt. They are all skewed to whatever the poll takers want to see.

    What I see with my own eyes and experience for myself and through others is what counts for me.

    I don’t know anyone at all who has married before living with their partner. Not a single one, and I’ve been around for awhile. Some made it, and some didn’t.

    I think it’s far more about the level of growth and/or maturity in each person and how ready the person is for being open and vulnerable to this intimate a degree with another. It has little to do with whether they live together first or not.

    Again for me and every friend I have ever had, not living together first would be unimaginable.

    I’m not saying that what I did is better than what another does. There is not a right or wrong here. We are all individual, and we need to do what your hearts tell us is right for us.

    xxoo



  382.  #382Silver Moonbeam on March 12, 2012 at 5:29 am

    #378 Lizka

    You do seem defensive and explainy but I don’t feel anybody will judge that you had sex with ATW, and that’s fabulous IF you can be a total Rock Star Chick and just do it because you feel like it and it feels good.

    It’s when the expectations creep in, that’s when the problems begin for us women. Just a few weeks ago you were stressing on here that you hadn’t heard from ATW when you thought you would after you last liaison, will you be OK this time now you have all the other CD’s lined up?

    I think we just don’t like to see our Sirens getting hurt.



  383.  #383LoveAlways on March 12, 2012 at 5:31 am

    I would CD both Clark Kent and superman, and maybe jimmy, and see how I felt and who stepped up
    πŸ˜‰



  384.  #384Dominique on March 12, 2012 at 5:35 am

    Femininewoman – I totally agree that being clear is a big piece here, and it doesn’t have to be voiced aloud. It will be in your energy, and as per LOA this is what will be attracted to you.

    Coco Kisses – I didn’t want to come across as harsh about this subject, but it is and has been near and dear to me. Your experiences have differed from mine and the people I have known.

    Have times been changing? Maybe. But I don’t think waiting for a ring and a date guarantees anything, nor does the marriage itself guarantee anything.

    As FW says, having clarity in your mind, heart, and energy will more likely bring you what you desire than anything.

    xxoo



  385.  #385Francesca on March 12, 2012 at 5:36 am

    That’s cool, Lizka.

    I just hope you won’t regret your decision in a few days.



  386.  #386Lizka on March 12, 2012 at 5:38 am

    SMB

    Thank you this is so nice to read this morning.

    Righ now I am more afraid that all my other CDs poof and than I could feel lonely and need ATW. If everything srays like it was last week, I will keep feeling fabulous… So it’s not related directly to ATW. It’s related to ME CDating… If i loose that, I’m gonna feel bad…



  387.  #387LoveAlways on March 12, 2012 at 5:39 am

    hi Lizka

    Good for you siren! Take care of your needs! Just keep in touch with your feelings, do some riffing (silver moonbeam really touched on something- I feel that 100% because I’ve been there often after sleeping with a guy as a siren – its a reality check) and yes, celebrate that you had a lovely siren week. Alright to feel defensive, but remember everyone here supports and cares for you!!!



  388.  #388Francesca on March 12, 2012 at 5:42 am

    Dominique @381

    “Again for me and every friend I have ever had, not living together first would be unimaginable.”

    I totally agree. I wouldn’t be able to just move in with my special man without first having experienced what it is to be with him in his house for a few days.

    When I’m there, I get to see how he is in his environment, I get to judge if I would be able to deal with his habits and quirks for a long time without losing my nerves (or mind). So far, so good.

    I don’t want to be married anyway and neither does he and we are both really clear on that. We are serious about being together without the paperwork.



  389.  #389Femininewoman on March 12, 2012 at 5:43 am

    Turquoise all I can say is that I feel a well of compassion towards you and your ex. There is obviously a lot of healing that needs to be done but I don’t see it as anybody’s fault. The one thing that cross my mind around the sex thing is if your pattern is to use sex to feel good about yourself. His statement to you about taking care of yourself suggest to me that he feels that somewhere deep down you don’t like yourself and that hurts real deep for me as I feel very connected to you. As I type I actually feel teary eyed and almost nauseaous from the nervousness in my stomach. I have always heard from a man that you cannot love without giving and your ex has given a lot to you recently. There is obviously an emotional gap that needs to be bridged. I can understand his hurt too. I don’t know if the wounds can be healed for him all I know is that I have this overwhelming sense that if you can get real soft his heart might melt. I feel wonder and fear just thinking of the beautiful love story your lives could possibly write at the end of your days. I believe you have begun the facilitation of getting his anger out. For the first reading someone’s story I feel at a loss for words.



  390.  #390Dominique on March 12, 2012 at 5:46 am

    Butterfly Wings – Yes I’m so with you on this one. I have no interest in marrying again. It meant little to nothing twice, and now I have my dream man. Our ten year anniversary is next month. If we ever end up in a state that recognizes domestic partners, we would file papers for this but only for easier maneuvering within the legal system.

    I have had the commitment from very early on. I got a gorgeous ring. I have no doubt that we are forever together. I don’t need any more than that.

    xxoo



  391.  #391Turquoise on March 12, 2012 at 5:47 am

    Silver, I do totally understand, and I know if I were reading it on another siren’s post, or hearing it from my sister, a friend, or my daughter some day, I’d be very wary. It’s been 18 years of ups and downs, back and forth, good and bad…. and like i said, just impossible to write it all here to give everyone a complete picture. I guess the reason I am open to a future with him, is because I do want my family to be together. He has done more for me than any other person in my life, including my parents. He is flawed, and that bad temper and his negative outlook is what holds him back from deep relationships with a lot of people. I have no expection of how it’s going to work out, or what will happen…. or could happen, but I know by getting my life in order, I will be happier and feel better about myself, no matter what.

    Last year at this time, my three main areas I wanted to improve in my life were:

    1. My living situation
    2. My finances
    3. My weight/self image

    Now, I have a beautiful home and someone who wants to help me maintain it, share the work and responsibility, and take on all financial responsibility for it. I have the nicest home out of anyone on either side of our families, except by brother in law (my sister who passed away’s husband) and he is in his mid 50’s, owns his own business…. makes a good living, but is all alone with no one to share it with. If he had just wanted to control where I live and have the option to come and go as he pleased, he could have spent a lot less money to accomplish that. I LOVE my home, and living here makes me happier than I have been in a really really long time.

    Now he’s going to pay off my big credit card. I’ll make him small payments that will all go to the balance, not interest. My cell phone plan, another payment I’ll make. It feels wierd, like he’s my banker, but will keep all of that separate and business like, and maybe it will help me to see our relationship differently. The thing is, by that debt being gone, my credit score should go way up, now… not over the next 3 years or so by the time I could get it paid off. What a relief that will be, to have that ugly debt and bad feeling off my shoulders. I TRUELY learned my financial lesson, took me a long time, and a lot of wasted money, but I’ll never make those mistakes again.

    And now my weight. Wanting to look and feel my best, has been on my mind for years and I’ve never conquered it. I don’t know why I am so undisciplined when it comes to that, but now that the other two issues are taken care of, I can’t think of any reason to not tackle this one, except fear. Like FW said, what if when I get to where I want to be, I’m still alone and unhappy? It’s a scary thought, maybe I’ve used my weight as a shield, as how could anyone really love me or me attract a guy I’d be really interested in, if I don’t look better? I see that might be very true, as to why I haven’t done it yet. Yes I’ve lost weight over the years, but gained it back. Yes I am down 12 pounds since last summer, but have a ways to go.

    I have said no more excuses over and over, and I do eat better, but don’t make the time to exercise, and that has always been what helped me lose and keep off weight. Right now.. I feel different feelings than ever before. I feel humble and tentative, kinda exposed, like I’ve given all my big secrets here, I’ve shown where I am, my “bad” stuff….

    I don’t feel the need to get super talkative and positive and all “yeah me!” to cover it up or manage my fear. I feel like I have no more excuses now, it is time to buck up, do the hard work, and let the pieces fall where they may.

    I’ve got to get to work, but thank you all very much for the support. I used to keep a diary for years and years, but this is better. You give me feedback, thoughts and encourage me, and call me on my crap. This is a good place for me. Thank you.



  392.  #392Lizka on March 12, 2012 at 5:47 am

    Haha LoveAlways that’s funny! And that’s the good attitude to have! You rock and i feel very inspiring!!

    Francesca thank you. I hope too but right now everything is ok.



  393.  #393Turquoise on March 12, 2012 at 5:48 am

    Thank you FW. I have to go, but will write more when I get home. I know you are right.



  394.  #394Lizka on March 12, 2012 at 5:48 am

    LoveAlways I was relating to post 383 in my previous message to you! πŸ™‚



  395.  #395Femininewoman on March 12, 2012 at 5:50 am

    By the way Turquoise the other thing that crossed my mind was some soldiers experience some post war traumatic stress so one just never knows if something clicked inside him when the conflict arose. I am not trying to make excuses for him, it is just a thought that crossed my mind. But I believe if I was there witnessing that incident I would have called the cops also. The level of shame he must have experienced though and having to live with the thought that his daughter have now learned that it might be okay for mommy to put daddy in jail or that it might be okay to put her own husband in jail might be what is difficult for him.

    I might be wrong but I believe that you telling him that he is right might help validate some feelings for him.



  396.  #396Tiffany on March 12, 2012 at 5:53 am

    @Lizka 378 – I think that’s awesome if you had sex!! I remember you telling us on her on the blog that you were NOT going to have sex with him. And maybe that’s why you think we are going to “judge” you for it. But I can tell you that I, for one, am not judging you at all. Hm….maybe I need to stop judging myself about what happened on Friday with OM.

    But yes, we are all our own worst critic.

    If you did it because it was what you wanted and it felt right in the moment, then that’s great! And you sound great when you are writing it! Honestly, you writing that you WEREN’T going to sleep with him sounded more forced that you writing that you did. It sounds like you gave yourself permission to be free and just be yourself, with no expectations. And that’s super sexy! : )

    I hope I can be inspired to do the same, in my own way……. xox



  397.  #397Femininewoman on March 12, 2012 at 5:58 am

    Turquoise I somehow feel your heart in 391. It feels real and authentic. I believe your energy is clearing so you will eventually take care of your health. I want to encourage you to join me in clearing wheat out of your diet. It is the one thing that I have experienced to make the biggest impact in a short time. I have been working on sugar for a longer time so that is a smaller issue for me. What I have done is eat it every fourth day if I get an urge but for the most part I have been avoiding it.



  398.  #398Tiffany on March 12, 2012 at 6:06 am

    Awww….Lena – Thank you!! That felt so good to read πŸ™‚ Yes, he IS a good guy. And I think I really know that in my heart. Even though I guess I’m getting hung up on the part where he doesn’t seem to be acknowledging my feelings in the situation. But I’ve been practicing acknowledging and accepting my feelings – regardless of what he says, or his reaction.

    Thank you thank you, so much.

    I’ve really been having a hard time managing the waves of different emotions that have been inundating me all weekend. One moment I am feeling calm and peaceful about the whole thing, and then a few minutes later, I feel angry and full of rage at I-don’t-know-what. I keep waking up with my mind running through different scenarios, and composing things I want to say to him (but probably shouldn’t). Sometimes I think he is great. Sometimes I just want to punch him. It is very confusing. I hate to bring all this confusion ON HIM. But it’s happening IN ME. And it’s happening because of what happened, regardless of whether it was good or bad.

    Thanks for checking in!!



  399.  #399Lizka on March 12, 2012 at 6:06 am

    Wow thank you Tiffany that feels incredibly good to read amd I feel released and comforted im my choice. Thank you.



  400.  #400Tiffany on March 12, 2012 at 6:07 am

    Memulo – thanks for your responses is 99 and 100!



  401.  #401Tiffany on March 12, 2012 at 6:08 am

    Lizka – Hooray! πŸ™‚



  402.  #402Femininewoman on March 12, 2012 at 6:10 am

    Sirenity I know of men who have left marriages, fooled around with other women but for some reason still believe that the wife belonged to him. I know of cases where when it sunk in that the woman was moving on to be with another man, he dropped everything else and went back to claim her. I have written on here before of a very good family friend who did that and now they had a 3rd child and is still living very happily years later. This is one of the reasons why I believe that it is better when an man leans forward and when it is him who identifies you as “the one”. In my experience nothing hinders that man from trying to win you as long as he feels he has a chance. I am not surprised that Turq’s husband felt that way still. He is a man and some of them tend to possessive. I have a friend who still said his wife betrayed him after she left him even though he was cheating. He started cheating because she was not flirting with him or wanted to have sex with him. She kept a child in the bed between them and breastfed up to 2 years old. She went as far as telling him to go get sex somewhere else. He said he was humiliated seeing another man coming out of her home after they had separated. Yet still he said he threw caution and his pride to the wind in trying to get her back. By then she didn’t want him. He is a good friend and I know it hurt him deeply the only caveat is that sometimes I wonder if he has committed to making other women pay for that transgression.



  403.  #403LoveAlways on March 12, 2012 at 6:13 am

    Treat them all equally means that if I lean back today,bit applies to every one. I’m leaning back from cd song today – need to do some riffing. Assessing what I am receiving, waterwheel, and determine to step away from him. There is indeed an emotional connection when you are intimate with a man. Adjusting to that feeling of not controlling. That is a reoccurring issue for me. Ohhhhh, I’ve been triggered!!!!



  404.  #404Memulo on March 12, 2012 at 6:17 am

    BW and SMB,

    Thank you for your responses. Yes, I was ‘taking care’ of my guy because how else do you take care of someone who can’t get over a bad cold? I made him chicken soup and put him to bed because I applied my grandmother’s old recipe that helps with cold and he needed to stay in bed for at least an hour for that – hence the reading. I made sure he served me soup, took care of the cleaning and stuff.. I am not ‘buying’ his attention with overfunctioning, but I felt good doing the above. I don’t feel like letting him deal with his cold alone because I am too much a goddess to help LOL, especially since he specifically expressed that he would really like me to take care of him. Does it make sense?



  405.  #405Femininewoman on March 12, 2012 at 6:19 am

    Brenda regarding period pain, I had a camp nurse drag me around the campus to jog years ago when I was going through that. The pain disappeared in minutes. Over the years as long as I was exercising that pain subsided. Taking pain killers put your liver and kidneys in jeapardy is what I think so over the years I have taken them sparingly. I view regularly taking pain killers is a suggestion that your body is difficient in the ingredients in them and I refuse to believe that.



  406.  #406LoveAlways on March 12, 2012 at 6:22 am

    action speak louder than words . . . CD song captures my heart with his voice, but his words flow stronger than his actions or efforts. My leaning forward in anyway = overfunctioning.

    On another note, this is the first time in my life in taking care if my body for me personally, and not to attract or keep a man!! Its self love. I look in the mirror and realize it is pleasing to me to fit my smaller clothes. It is pleasing to me to have a sexier profile. It is pleasing to me to look beautiful in my clothes, and it is pleasing to me to stand in the mirror and see my inner beauty radiate from my skin!!! You go girl, I love you!!!



  407.  #407Tiffany on March 12, 2012 at 6:24 am

    Last night, I began composing a letter that was more “feeling-y” and less perfunctory (as per my ‘I need a break’ message). The message that I need a break is totally valid and true. It just doesn’t feel complete to me, because it doesn’t say anything about how I feel.

    And I think I need that outlet. I need to really express how I feel, because I don’t think I have done so fully, just yet – even though it kind of felt like I was trying to. But I wasn’t getting across.

    So this morning, I got up and I made some edits to it, added a few paragraphs. I am rereading it to make sure that it is not blamey. I plan to wait until this evening to send it. I don’t want to seem ‘obsessive’ for one thing. But also, I want to give the information time to percolate, and to be sure that what I’m sending is true to me….plus, I have a massage for myself scheduled today, and that can potentially change how I feel….

    My massage was actually postponed, and was supposed to have happened on Friday. I felt so stressed out last week. Part of me wonders what might have happened differently if I had had my massage on Friday instead of today? Would I have felt more relaxed and at ease, and able to say no with more conviction, and to just ask for what I needed – which was sleep? Would I have felt more in my body, instead of outside of it, which was the whole problem anyway? Or it might not have made a difference….

    But that reminds me, I think that’s one thing I need to talk to him about. I am pretty sure that I “dissociate” at times when I am confronted by sex in a way that there is a power imbalance. I feel the power imbalance and it interrupts my ability to really be in my feelings and say how I feel or what I know to be true. He doesn’t know this, and he wasn’t aware of it. and I wasn’t either. But now looking back, I can see how that affected me. I think it could look like a “character flaw.” And I end up judging myself – like I’m ‘the kind of person’ who ‘can’t say no.’ And that is simply not true. I say no to things all the time. But when I man is there and being powerful in the moment, and I feel overwhelmed…I am not in my body enough to say what I need and don’t need.

    I am not making any excuses. It’s hard to even say what it feels like to “dissociate.” I am still “there.” I can see everything through my own eyes. But I don’t have access to the feelings that would tell me what is right and what is best for me in the moment…and that’s why I feel so confused about my reaction to him. That is why I said “yes.” But even though the message he got was “yes,” it didn’t really feel like it came from “me.” it was just an automatic response that I had to the situation. It wasn’t conscious, and I was tucked away in some dark corner of my mind – scared and afraid – while my body had experiences that I knew I didn’t want or wasn’t ready for….

    I am feeling compassion for me in this moment.

    Whatever has happened. Whatever is happening. Whatever will happen: I completely and totally and unconditionally love myself.

    I don’t really “need” him to understand – even if I might like that and it would feel good. The only person who needs to give me permission to feel what I feel is me.

    And now I am really glad that I have my massage coming this morning…I hope that it helps “put me back together.” Because my body needs me….:(

    I love me. I’m so cute. I’m the best.

    I don’t deserve what happened to me. And don’t mean about OM. I am talking about something I don’t even know. Something I don’t remember. But it must have happened. Because my body remembers. And I can feel it, even though I don’t know what it was. And that is why I “dissociate.” that is why I feel anger. That is why I feel rage when I have sex. And I feel sad and confused, because I can’t talk about it. I don’t know what it is. And I feel at a loss – like no one will believe me. Like I am “crazy” for feeling what I feel or having these experiences. But I know my body. And I know she’s trying to tell me something…I just wish I knew what it was πŸ™ And I love me.



  408.  #408Femininewoman on March 12, 2012 at 6:39 am

    Tiffany “I don’t know what it is. And I feel at a loss – like no one will believe me.” I have hesitated responding to your posts because I feel my comments are not welcome and I feel fear around triggering you. However, I feel compelled now to let you know that I believe you. Something in your comments over the weekend had me feeling that something must have happened in the past that she might not be aware of and is reacting to that memory. I actually started typing a response yesterday but ended up deleting it. My response was kind of understanding towards OM because he seemed to not have regrets or second guess himself. He wanted what he wanted. You on the other hand seemed uncertain and he might have felt that and in his own way could have been urging you to move forward and heal yourself. I dunno, just that this was what struck me. But I do believe there is something there in your cells that need to be healed.



  409.  #409Mochaberri on March 12, 2012 at 6:42 am

    Morning Sirens!!!

    Gonna try and catch up and see how everyone’s doing. Had a busy busy weekend – cd and had a ball!!! A little tired with the loss of an hour but I’m a Siren and I will get through it!!



  410.  #410Silver Moonbeam on March 12, 2012 at 6:46 am

    #404 Memulo

    Yes it makes absolute sense as this is how I used to operate pre RR and I don’t want to get all righteous here but aren’t those the very things she tells us not to do?

    Sorry but I am getting confused, we want to take care of somebody who is sick but we aren’t supposed to do too much for them.

    Sirens??



  411.  #411Silver Moonbeam on March 12, 2012 at 6:50 am

    #407 Tiffany

    It may be that you have some repressed memories and I am unsure if dredging up stuff from the past is good or bad for us but it sure seems like you need some healing.

    Take care. xxx



  412.  #412Butterfly wings on March 12, 2012 at 6:51 am

    375 SMB – Exactly! And you know what? It’s these little things I do for TH that he really appreciates. So while he continues to give to me then I see no problem in giving a little bit back. πŸ™‚



  413.  #413Femininewoman on March 12, 2012 at 7:21 am

    SMB/Memulo the way I understand it is giving back as opposed to giving. He asked to be taken care of but I did not get a sense of what he meant when he asked for it. I felt myself cringe when I initially read Memulo’s report about what she did particularly the reading of the book to him. It just felt like taking care of a child to me and that is the reason I did not comment. I suspected Memulo would not be receptive to those comments because they are not positive. I have had men who said they liked to be mothered at times and these are very masculine men who seem to disappear in thin air when they go to their caves. I would want to know if it was a pattern for him to want mothering from his ex. Who knows maybe that is the reason she is so resentful now. Maybe him being overwhelmingly feminine energy in the relationship might have worn her down?



  414.  #414turquoise on March 12, 2012 at 7:23 am

    I have a little free time at work surprisingly. It’s nice, I don’t feel talkative today, it’s calm and quiet here this morning and I can just work through my paperwork without dealing with anyone else. My eyes were so puffy this morning and my heart feels heavy, so this is good for a Monday morning.

    FW, I’m not making excuses for him either, but I agree with you about the stress from the war. He killed people, he lost friends, he saw torture and many horrible horrible atrocities. You can’t come back from that the same, you can’t. He’s always had a bad temper though, and I did get hit a few times during really heated arguments. I don’t back down either, so not saying deserved it, but I certainly helped escalate the emotions to the level it got to. So, when that all happened that day, I was triggered back to old memories, something that hadn’t happened in years… and I panicked as well. The police scared me too. THey told me not to contact him or talk to him. I was out of state when it happened, just wanted to get my girls out of there and get home. It was horrifying. I did try to get them to stop, they pushed him to the ground and stepped on his neck and they told me to get in my car. It was a really scary event all around.

    I’m not sure what you meant in the earlier post about me using sex to feel good about myself. I really like sex, I am good at it… I like that about me. But as in like that is all I like about me? No, I don’t feel that way. I have used sex to feel close to someone though, I like to impress in the bedrom… makes me feel kinda powerful. Is that wrong?



  415.  #415Siren Angel on March 12, 2012 at 7:27 am

    Turquoise,

    Reading your posts, I just want to give you a big hug!

    Is it possible he does not feel appreciated for what he does for you? Sometimes simply stating ‘I feel so good when you take care of these things’ and a simple ‘thank you’ can do wonders for a man. It helps him forget all the ‘bad’ stuff.

    Also, I feel triggered that somewhere in your posts last night (can’t find the phrase now) you seem to state that you feel you are not enough… That needs to change. YOU ARE ENOUGH.

    Also, about the sex, CC says to not withhold or use it as a trade-off. It is a connection tool with men. Yes, it’s different for them, and it can’t be the road to his heart, but if it helps you stay connected, I see no wrong in it because of your history, and he says he has no one else right now and neither do you, so I don’t see anything bad with it at all. It can bring yiou closer.

    I do feel immensely triggered by the fact that he said you need to ‘focus more on you’ for a future relationship to work. Are you letting him know all the nice sireny things you do for yourself? (ex: I feel so good taking a bubble bath, it makes me feel all soft and womanly’. Maybe he doesnt realie you DO take care of yourself in this way because his impression is that you are a ‘doer’ for the girls and him and work and all… Is this possible?

    (((TURQUOISE)))



  416.  #416turquoise on March 12, 2012 at 7:32 am

    FW, I feel a little inspired to write about that day in all feeling messages in a handwritten letter and to mail it to him. Maybe if he could hold it in his hands and read it over and over, it would melt his heart a little to see that I wasn’t out to get him, nor did I want that to happen, but I experienced the day differently than he did. I don’t even remember seeing the gun. That image is blocked for me. I was terrified they’d take my girls and not let me leave. I was afraid of him, but also for him. My oldest tried to get in the middle, she was 6. They were so scared. I remember CV telling CM not to look and to hide her eyes.

    No wonder he can’t get past it. It really was awful. I tend to let things go, just choose that it’s ok, I’m past it, and it’s over. But I know not everyone can do that, nor is it necessarily a good thing.

    What do you think of my letter idea?



  417.  #417turquoise on March 12, 2012 at 7:43 am

    Siren Angel,

    Thank you. I need those hugs! My wording was that I never feel good enough, ever. That is just with him. I don’t feel that way in other areas of my life. His mother made me feel really bad when we were married. I believed she felt he’d made a mistake, I wasn’t good enough for her son. He didn’t make me feel that way for a long time, but by the last few years, I knew he was unhappy and he was very focused on wanting me to lose weight.

    Now, he has been critical. He thinks I’m wasting my time at my job, that I make excuses as to why I can’t teach and use my degree. In some ways, he’s right. But this is a very low stress job, pay is decent, and my hours are flexible. My career is on hold because my girls are young, and I am ok with that. He is very driven and motivated, wants huge success, and he’s had it. He’s a lt. Col. in the army, at 39. That is young. He’s always been at the top of the group to be promoted, he’s very good at his job and works extremely hard. In his view, I’m sure I seem kinda lazy. I’d rather watch a movie than go to the gym. Tht kind of thing.

    And, I have read his dating profiles before. He always writes the same thing.

    I won’t settle. I want it all. I want someone beautiful on the inside and out, who everyone looks at when they walk in a room. I want someone successful, with goals of their own, but who can support mine.

    That sort of thing, which I feel is like him partially saying he wants what I am not. I know I’m attractive, and a good person on the inside, and one of the things he loved about me the most was how supportive I was. But my lack of financial/career motivation irks him. That bothers me because I was very upfront that I wanted to be a stay home mom, I wanted to be on their schedule. He says it’s because he doesn’t want me to look back in 15 years and have regrets. I don’t know.



  418.  #418VW on March 12, 2012 at 7:53 am

    Good morning Sirens,

    wishing you all a great week πŸ™‚

    FWY: There is a new post up…awesome article by Rori!

    warm hugs,



  419.  #419LoveAlways on March 12, 2012 at 8:16 am

    turquoise

    Omg it felt good to read your post about choosing your career and work lifestyle in consideration of how you want to mother!!! I’ve done the same and I’m very happy with the choice. I can’t change me for a man and his perceptions!!! Bravo siren!



  420.  #420Siren Angel on March 12, 2012 at 8:17 am

    Turquoise,

    Have you stated simply that ‘you feel so good to have the flexibility to take time for the girls now in your life’ ? ie. low stress, more time for you and the girls. That ‘you feel so good he takes care of you’, ‘thinks of everything’? ie. push him to step up (and he has from how you describe he takes care of you financially).

    Also, I think it might help if you stated in FMs that you feel strong on the inside, soft on the outside, happy with your life, happy taking care of the house ‘it makes me feel so womanly and caring’, ect…

    What do you think? I feel you may just need a communication ‘tweak’ with you and him. It may just be what he needs to hear to view you as the prize.



  421.  #421Femininewoman on March 12, 2012 at 8:20 am

    RE 416 Turquoise I would tell him rather than write it if I get the opportunity again. Talking about it on the phone was even keeping him at arms length a bit. Maybe if you could talk about it and really share those deep feelings in a real vulnerable way he might feel it himself. It is no wonder your mind blocked out the gun. That was raw fear right there protecting you and your family.



  422.  #422Femininewoman on March 12, 2012 at 8:28 am

    RE 414 “I like to impress in the bedrom… makes me feel kinda powerful. Is that wrong?”

    Turquoise from what I understand in Reconnect, it is one of the ways we overfunction. Rori encourages us to melt into ourselves rather than giving to him like that and doing all kinds of feats with his body. I would ask myself why do people try to impress others anyway?



  423.  #423Mochaberri on March 12, 2012 at 8:30 am

    @ Siren Angel #415 – I like what you wrote to Turquoise and I want to ask if you have the article from CC about this:

    Also, about the sex, CC says to not withhold or use it as a trade-off. It is a connection tool with men. Yes, it’s different for them, and it can’t be the road to his heart, but if it helps you stay connected, I see no wrong in it because of your history, and he says he has no one else right now and neither do you, so I don’t see anything bad with it at all. It can bring yiou closer.

    This is an area I’m struggling with KR – I don’t see myself necessarily withholding sex from him is my problem I feel that my intuition tells me that we are not sexually exclusive – weeks have gone by without us engaging and we haven’t had oral in 3 months. My NV’s could be working overtime but I don’t want to be played like a fool. I could have made a mistake in telling him that I’ve decided to not have sex with any one new without being in a committed relationship and that he was “grandfathered” since we had established that we would be exclusive. Now I feel like acting out and having sex with soemone else.



  424.  #424Siren Angel on March 12, 2012 at 8:31 am

    Turquoise @315,

    About the cop thing, it is NOT your fault. However, have you ever stated how sorry you FEEL this happened? Sometimes saying sorry (previous thread article I think) could be enough for him to start to heal that bad memory.

    Have you tried the mantra?

    I love you
    I’m sorry
    Please forgive me
    Thank you.

    Repeat it until you feel you have been forgiven. Do this when you feel a connection with him and are not necessarily with him. Really feel it. It is a very powerful mantra.



  425.  #425Siren Angel on March 12, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Mochaberri,

    I think it is from CC’s Turnaround program. Not entirely sure at this moment, but it’s from one of his programs.



  426.  #426Siren Angel on March 12, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Mochaberri,

    It feels like you are triggered to want to ‘act out’. I would encourage you to feel what you you really feel about he sex thing with KR. Then voice it in FMs. Do you want to be exclusive to have sex with him? In my opinion you should definetely voice concerns about him not being exclusive with you, if that is the case. I would not have sex with any man who was not exclusive with me and I would only have sex with one man. Have you expressed this in FMs to him in a soft feminine way?



  427.  #427Siren Angel on March 12, 2012 at 8:37 am

    New thread up!!!

    Mochaberri and Turquoise, see you there!



  428.  #428Femininewoman on March 12, 2012 at 8:44 am

    RE 423 I thought of that mantra too but was wondering if it would trigger defensiveness and anger in Turq. I thought say you’re right was a good first step towards that.



  429.  #429Brenda on March 12, 2012 at 8:54 am

    FW,

    RE: #405 – “Brenda regarding period pain, I had a camp nurse drag me around the campus to jog years ago when I was going through that. The pain disappeared in minutes. Over the years as long as I was exercising that pain subsided. Taking pain killers put your liver and kidneys in jeapardy is what I think so over the years I have taken them sparingly. I view regularly taking pain killers is a suggestion that your body is difficient in the ingredients in them and I refuse to believe that.”

    That is interesting about jogging to relieve pain.

    I think BW’s question was more around how do you get it to end. I have found the most effective thing to get it to end taking pain relievers.

    When I have bled for one continuous month or three continuous months, taking pain relievers is the lesser of two negatives.



  430.  #430Starla on March 12, 2012 at 9:25 am

    Turquoise, 315, wow, I figured you cheated on him.

    I’m sorry your ex is so stubbornly holding onto the past. It feels excessive to me.

    ((((((((((((Turquoise))))))))))))))



  431.  #431Starla on March 12, 2012 at 9:37 am

    Dominique,
    “Coco Kisses – I’m sorry, but I take what any statistic or poll says with a grain of salt. They are all skewed to whatever the poll takers want to see.”

    As a poll taker and publisher, I have to say this is a healthy skepticism to bear in mind when reviewing any statistical data. However, when it comes to something like this, there are no sinister pollsters skewing the data. This sort of data is both collected in studies specifically concerning the topic of living together before marriage, as well as gleaned and inferred from greater sources like the census.

    So yes, I can say that, statistically, it is a sound conclusion to note that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced.

    For good measure, I’d like to further add that we never skew our data. πŸ™‚ <3



  432.  #432LoveAlways on March 12, 2012 at 9:41 am

    New Thread is up



  433.  #433Dominique on March 12, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Butterfly Wings – #347 Try agrimony tincture or red raspberry infusion or yarrow tincture.

    xxoo



  434.  #434Femininewoman on March 12, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Dominique I forgot to mention I have started a mixture of teas – black cohosh, red clover and donq quai. I have also started the kefir with really good results. My stomach feel so much more settled that it has for years.



  435.  #435Dominique on March 12, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Starla – I don’t want to argue, yet Irespectfully disagree, for this would be just one piece of likely a very big puzzle. Relationships/marriages don’t break up for one reason only, so to look at living together first as being the culprit or something to fear is not looking at the whole picture, not remaining open or allowing possibility and more.

    xxoo



  436.  #436Goodheart on March 12, 2012 at 10:16 am

    I totally & completely agree with Dominque in 381. Statistics don’t mean diddly! They are created to get us to dwell on a particular outcome. And if you believe in the law of attraction at all then you know that whatever you dwell on is the outcome you will get.

    Whenever I’m presented with “statistics” I say phooey!

    I make my own statistics.

    T-Girl, I am so happy for you. That is so cute how J is saving for your ring. And you already agreed to move in with him without asking for marriage so he would have no reason to say that for any other reason than that he really wants to marry you. Of course he does, you’re a siren πŸ™‚



  437.  #437Dominique on March 12, 2012 at 10:17 am

    I feel SO pleased to hear this Femininewoman. YAY.

    xxoo



  438.  #438Goodheart on March 12, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Poll takers do the skew the data. Simply by law of attraction. You get what you look for. They don’t do it intentionally, but they are looking for a certain outcome & that is what they get.



  439.  #439Starla on March 12, 2012 at 10:24 am

    dominique 434, this is where it gets messy, because there ARE so many other factors, but then you could use the same logic to say that those same other factors are affecting couples who don’t live together… but the correlation with a higher divorce rate doesn’t exist there.

    overall i do agree that one should not look to statistics to make their romantic decisions (just marketing and business decisions, lol) — that is for an individual to decide what feels right an no one else! But valid statistics can be useful information, too:)



  440.  #440Starla on March 12, 2012 at 10:27 am

    437, Goodheart, I’ve personally designed and carried out a number of polling studies in which the data concluded the opposite of what we expected or even what the client was looking for.

    Politically motivated studies, on the other hand, are ones to watch out for. The questions themselves are designed to force a certain response. This is called “push polling,” and it sucks. For example:

    “Candidate A is a Minister and a doctor who volunteers 6 months out of the year in Uganda. Candidate B eats babies while kicking puppies. Given what you’ve just learned about these two candidates, would you be more likely to vote for Candidate A or Candidate B?”

    Then Candidate A uses that polling data to support marketing the idea that he/she has more public support.



  441.  #441Starla on March 12, 2012 at 10:31 am

    One more thing:) If LOA indeed skews poll data, then we can’t be sure in which way, because while the pollster might be looking for one conclusion, they might also be very fearful they won’t find that conclusion, and then “attract” the opposite of their desired result.

    At some point with data we just have to make concessions that a certain level of ensured data integrity is enough:)

    ohhh i love data.

    can’t wait to be studying linguistics in grad school though:)

    *goes back to crunching numbers*



  442.  #442Dominique on March 12, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Starla, you’re awesome. I just love you. Always make me smile. Now you can happily crunch my fragmented sentences. πŸ™‚



  443.  #443Starla on March 12, 2012 at 10:46 am

    awww i feel the lurv!



  444.  #444Goodheart on March 12, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Starla, that is exactly true. We cannot look to statistics for “our” answers. We have no way to know in which way they are skewed. That is why we have to find our own answers, imo.

    I just really believe that whenever we look outside ourselves for answers we are looking in the wrong place.

    Our inner being (our source) has all the anwers we’ll ever need.



  445.  #445Daria on March 12, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    She kept a child in bed between them and breasted up to 2 years old… I want to do this. Is this unusual ?

    I felt judged reading about it like this went along w no sex.

    She wore blue ribbons – relation to sex no sex? None

    So this must seem like it creates less sex. I wonder about that. I might be having sex w my husband w the child in bed. Hmmm

    Feel scared I might be persecuted



  446.  #446Starla on March 12, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    You will be persecuted for that. It is considered child abuse to have sex in the bed with your toddler.



  447.  #447Daria on March 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    Starla – hmm yah i was thinking about that. i fele angry about taht. well no one will probably know . also i will probably not be in the us most of the time and in other places institutions are not all in my biz.



  448.  #448Daria on March 12, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    reading this thread i feel holding inside and hurricaney and triggerd

    a man whos hit me repeatedly is not a good candidate for relatinonship yes?

    ive told myself that

    hmm

    i feel afraid

    they say “once he hits you he always hits you” but i never believed that or even saw it played out

    maybe its a 50 50 chance?

    maybe drop it at all? there are no guaratneess

    i feel scared

    i feel moved



  449.  #449Sensual on March 12, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    @334 silver moonbeam, Why not do both dating sites, matchmaking services and meet men organically? I personally never seem to feel any Chemistry through dating sites/blind dates so I decided to stop for a while, but if they work for you then why not try all angles? I prefer to meet men through friends, even my girlfriends boyfriends/husbands have friends…..I made friends with a man last summer through Facebook namely because I kept hearing his name everywhere. – he is very popular kind of the funny guy that you’d be friends with but wouldnt feel attracted to and he has introduced me to many men…..I have had to take my time since last summer in getting to know his circle and choosing who i might like to date and developing something slowly and carefully with just 2 of them……since I don’t want to get in any trouble with him but it seems to be fine so far, he knows about them, they kniw that he is just my friend and the 2 of them are also not friends with each other. He is feels kind of like a big brother to me which also helps them be respectful of me



  450.  #450Starla on March 12, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    i don’t feel angry about it at all. to me, it’s almost on the same level as molesting the child.

    a sleeping baby in the crib near the bed, sure, fine. But in the bed with you?



  451.  #451Daria on March 12, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    im reading about it apparently its not an issue and co sleepers are enjoying sex with their baby in the bed. this is at infant stage mostly.

    i feel so sad to read that someone thinks its like molesting a child

    i feel scared of having those views forcibly imposed on me and my future lil babies and me being punished for being myself and what i want

    im nto into the child sleeping in a separate bed



  452.  #452Daria on March 12, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    “What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open ” M.H.



  453.  #453Daria on March 12, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    i feel shaky scared and sad

    i feel so tired of feleing scared of being judged forced all the time

    sigh!

    i honor my exasperation and my shaky vulnerable feeling

    i want to feel ok to be ME

    i want to feel admired and CELEBRATED

    love to me



  454.  #454Tiffany on March 12, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    FW – thank you for your post. That was powerful to read and resonated with me deeply. I feel a certain sense of “ok, I’m not crazy by reading your words….thank you.



  455.  #455Daria on March 12, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    “Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible. -Jane Rubietta “



  456.  #456Starla on March 12, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    Daria, I believe it can seem like a non issue, but I wonder what evidence is gathered to support this. You can’t ask a baby if they’re sexually traumatized from being exposed very prematurely to human sexuality in a forcible way.

    I’ve also read that one of the many reasons girls are hitting puberty earlier and earlier is the exposure to pornographic ideas and images in the media. It initiates the production of sex hormones.

    Ohhh, if only I could conduct research studies on everything ever.



  457.  #457Tiffany on March 12, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Ladies, I feel nervous!!!

    I wrote to OM today. I waited until after I had my massage. And then I just said that I didn’t feel like “running away”. I said I wanted to work with things, if possible, and what does he think?

    I don’t know. Maybe I am being to heavy? I feel he is treating this lightly – maybe to make me feel better. But that’s not where I am with this.

    And that’s okay.

    Deep breath. Honoring my feelings.

    It’s okay.

    I am choosing to believe that he is not going anywhere, like he said….



  458.  #458Daria on March 12, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Starla – i guess i feel good with using my intuition and knowing that its been done by humans for millions of years and that animals do it kinda inspires my vision on it

    i dont mind girls hitting puberty earlier (than?) for being exposed to sex. i dont really believe in that hype of girls hitting puberty at whatever times being bad or even true. i think its natural. and i dont believe it affects me or my family on a personal level.

    i think not being exposed to sex – seeing it as bad or something to hide – creates a lot of ‘issues’

    i dont really want to debate this. oops.

    i just feel bad and sad about this. i feel scared. i feel like im beign judged as bad and i feel afriad for my wellbeing encountering these beliefs. i feel scared people will decide to force me to conform to theirs and harass imprison beat or kill me.



  459.  #459Starla on March 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Daria, I’m sorry to read you’re feeling bad being scared of being judged. This is a big one to feel that way with, too, because it’s so “unorthodox.”

    *Has* it been done by humans for millions of years? Well, about 200,000 years technically;) but I get what you’re saying. Where can I look for historical evidence of this human behavior? I feel curious. I also just googled for information about co-sleeping or whatever it’s called, and I found a lot of it, plus govt propaganda AGAINST it, wow! But I didn’t see anything about sex with the child in the bed. Can you email me/fb me some links?



  460.  #460Starla on March 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    “i dont mind girls hitting puberty earlier (than?) for being exposed to sex. i dont really believe in that hype of girls hitting puberty at whatever times being bad or even true. i think its natural. and i dont believe it affects me or my family on a personal level.”

    it’s definitely true that it starts earlier than ever before, and what’s interesting is that it’s not in our species’ best interest because of overpopulation. I really enjoyed learning about this when I thought I would an anthropologist one day, hehe.

    Other things do contribute to earlier onset of puberty, not JUST exposure to sexuality. A higher BMI, the hormones in food and water and plastics, even too much artificial light, are all contributing to the earlier onset.



  461.  #461Starla on March 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    *when i thought i would be an anthropologist one day



  462.  #462Daria on March 12, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Starla – i think we hit puberty appropriately to our environment

    i think hitting pubertly earlier than at other times is perfectly fine. i think we hit puberty WAY later than even just centuries ago.

    and we’re readjusting towards earlier now.



  463.  #463Daria on March 12, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Starla – in cultures aroudn the world habitating and sleeping was communal, maybe even a whole family in a room… and sex was happening… its still happening like that in less ‘developed’ areas

    links… im reading on this. :

    http://www.google.com/#hl=en&sclient=psy-ab&q=cosleeping+and+sex&oq=cosleeping+and+sex&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&gs_sm=3&gs_upl=982l3211l0l4114l18l17l0l0l0l0l188l1962l8.9l17l0&gs_l=hp.3…982l3211l0l4114l18l17l0l0l0l0l188l1962l8j9l17l0&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.,cf.osb&fp=2f95c0d86315f210&biw=1188&bih=620



  464.  #464Starla on March 12, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Daria 462, look at this!

    “In Europe, the age of menarche (first period) is thought to have increased from around 14 years in the Middle Ages to around 17 years by the start of the 19th century, but since then has declined markedly to about 13 years in most industrial countries. A very recent study of over 17000 adolescent girls in the USA provided clear evidence that the age of menarche is continuing to fall, particularly amongst African-American girls, where the average age of menarche was found to be 12.2 years. The study also found that the age of earlier markers of puberty such as breast development and pubic hair growth was falling in all girls irrespective of race. ”

    so it went up slowly, and now it’s going down very rapidly. All my friend’s moms and my mom were 14-18 when they got their periods. We were all menstruating by the time we were 13. I wonder what happened in the Middle Ages.



  465.  #465Starla on March 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    Daria did you mean to send me a link to google (lol) or did you have a specific article to share?



  466.  #466Starla on March 12, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    ah yes, decreased BMI in the middle ages. From my googling, i see there are a lot of researchers who conclude that increased BMI is informing the earlier onset of puberty, because it signals that the body is in safe and abundant conditions for reproduction.



  467.  #467Tiffany on March 12, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    Thank you, silver moonbeam.

    See all you guys on the next thread! : )



  468.  #468Brenda on March 12, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    Turquoise,

    RE: #315 – “he started shoving me”

    HE and he alone is responsible for his behavior. It doesn’t matter what you said or did. HE is the one who shoved YOU.



  469.  #469Coco Kisses on March 12, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    I feel good…today I got certified to perform needle free lipo and mesotherapy!!!!!!



  470.  #470Silver Moonbeam on March 13, 2012 at 12:07 am

    #449 Sensual

    That sounds like a really nice way to meet people through a big brother type. πŸ™‚

    I really don’t like dating sites and have never had much luck, but hey ho, you gotta keep trying. I try and be friendly with all types in my everyday out and about life.



  471.  #471LiliBee on March 13, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    I just came back from a coffea date…with…brace yourselves……the ‘other’ woman.
    I saw her at the club I went to Saturday night.
    I immediately recognized her. How can I not, she’s my spittin image like looking in the mirror, except her hair is shorter.
    He told me that they hadn’t exchanged phone numbers before I showed up that Sunday morning…well she found his phone number in the phone directory by his address.
    She said she went to see him coz she wanted answers about what was going on.
    The same thing happened with her and her ex and she says that she punched him in the mouth so she knows how I felt.
    We both told each other that he was strongly pursuing the both of us.
    We exchanged numbers and went for coffea tonight before he comes back from his vacation trip with his sisters.
    He lied to both of us, and is pursuing both of us.
    She told me everything, and I told her everything.
    Boy am I glad I didn’t give in to his pressuring me to have s3x!

    It’s feels strange that I feel so detached and I don’t take any of it personally.
    I just basically feel disgusted at the length he will go to just not to end up alone.

    I feel love and compassion towards him as a human being in pain, but not the romantic type of love.
    I want to confront him with the lies w FMs and hug him.
    I’ll never trust him in a million years and I’ll never be his romantic partner, but I just can’t bring myself to hate him…that would be hating myself coz I did attract him in my life to learn a valuable lesson about myself, and I will cherish that lesson forever…about self love…I am grateful to him for that life lesson of selflove, and he can never take it away from me, it’s too strong now.
    I do not feel any agressiveness, I can’t believe how this experience has softened me up while strenghtening up on the inside! πŸ™‚
    I used to be so agressive before.

    Meanwhile, this whole story is not taking me away from my life.
    I am getting my hair done tomorrow night.
    Zumba Thursday night.
    Maybe see D Friday night if he calls…(to follow)
    I am going out with my 2 girlfriends to a new club on Saturday strictly open to 35 years of age and older.
    I’ve got the following Friday booked for a girls only house party.
    The following Sunday I’m going to indoor rollerblade on a plexiglass surface which is the top of an aquarium full of fish. This is with a singles meetup group for physical activities.

    Still cd’ing with W, and emailing with this hottie on Match.
    Life is good and open with new possibilities πŸ™‚



  472.  #472Iamabutterfly on March 14, 2012 at 5:34 am

    Daria, I love your “quote” comments on #452 & 455. They feel make me feel stirrings deep inside; one of power, one of truth. Thank you!



  473.  #473Jessie1000 on March 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Emerson…I love the gym and it helps me to refocus on myself instead of the guys that I am seeing. When I feel blue or sad, I do a good work out and after I leave, I feel so much better….like my brain is emptied and fresh and I feel sexy because my big pot belly is flatter…lol im not a big girl but as I study for my phd, I sit alot and it seems like I could never get rid of my belly….Also, it makes me physically unavailable for the guys to text me and they always seem a little more interested and nervous when Im not right there at their disposal. (Usually I am home studying or with my kids)….
    Also, Tiffany, I love your expressions about concern over sex. I think that people jump into bed quick sometimes out of lack of confidence that if your not sexual then the boys will find someone who is….those guys are usually the cheaters in a long term because they cant or dont want to wait and so forget them. I dated both my first husband and second husband for at least 6 months before we slept together or even fooled around. My second, we waited for our wedding for intercourse! YOu learn quick if you have anything in common other than sex and sometimes when we used to play chess, or walk, or drive around, or visit our friends, there was so much flirting and sexual tension that when we finally had sex all those things continued. We had a really well rounded relationship….both guys did with me. So yah, no sex can be lonely but having a really good friend that can talk and is interested in things other than sex is so fantastic too. I since moved across Canada and left my second husband because he didnt want me to do my phd but wanted me to stay at home and be some kind of housewife which is not me….im dating now and this new guy (and many others I talk to) is so sexy. To take the pressure off sex–or quick shallow intimacy we visit my friends, we visit his friends, we go to parks, we hold hands, sometimes he kisses me so hard that I just want to jump in bed with him but I believe that he respects me and I feel his respect in the way that he brags about me to his friends and his work mates and says that Im not easy to catch but the most fun that hes ever had….that took years to build up in myself. I always keep roommates in my house so Im not lonely. I keep a doggy, for walking, I am hitler when it comes to family time with my 2 boys…we go swimming all the time, bowling, wave pools, parks, fishing and I never ever ever let any guy meet my kids. Never. Always seperate. So if my kids like him then I dont feel pressure to stay with him just because of that.

    ANyway, I loved it the other day when CD S said why cant we have sex? I said because i feel uncomfortable if there was a chance that you would see other people and until im sure you are devoted !!! lol can you believe i said that….!!! then Im not interested in investing my heart into anything….he said IM DEVOTED! lol
    cant you tell? I said well keep proving it to me and I will definitely think about it. SO Im a PRIZE, and he has to catch me…he loves it….THe right guy will love it and even if some of them are a little broken or a little damaged, trust me, he likes getting to know me without having to PERFORM…he says in the bedroom cause sometimes if he has no feelings for a girl he says they have terrible sex!!! lol go figure.
    Anyway, I hope it helps and I hope you girls find all you deserve because you all deserve to be cherished and loved for your big hearts not because you are free hookers or because you are easy to get…..one guy told me that men who pay for hookers are stupid because you can get one in a club for 2 rum and cokes!! I was shocked.
    Men can be wonderful or they can walk away but if you show them that you have a head and confidence and personalities, you will have them all eating out of your hand, and can pick which one you like…my second husband that I just left, cries every day for me to move home and told me he was going to come up and visit….I said sure but where will you stay? Not with me. He said why? I said because when you had me, you didnt chase me or work for me so now I am seeing other people…He said he was afraid that I was getting too smart for him. And that he was going to get me back, no matter what….he still calls like twice a day and knows i see other people and tells me to forgive him and that he loves me….lol poor guy. Lol I may just stay single since being dated is so fun! And chased! I love it! And being wooed! Lol and my kids tell me….omg mom another guy is staring at you….why do they do that? I said I think its because they respect mothers who love their kids and obviously have alot of fun with them….i tell my boys that they are my life and my heart and soul and that shows to the world…and hopefully when they grow up they will remember that I loved them and myself first and that I was no ones door mat cause I sure was one when i was a kid.



  474.  #474susana on March 21, 2012 at 5:42 am

    Hi Rory
    I have work with the modern siren tools
    it seams not to work for me the man I care for now says that it will never be me,
    what do I do now HELP
    Susana



  475.  #475Vanessa on April 2, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    Hi Rori,
    Hope you’re well. I just have a question about my situation… I’ve been dating a guy for about a month and we’re connecting really well.. He called me a week ago to say that he feels we are moving really fast and wants us to slow down. He said he prides himself with his honesty and wanted to tell me how he’s been feeling which I was very grateful for. He said he really likes me a lot and was getting scared by how quickly things are moving. So we have slowed it down and are not seeing each other as much. I’ve been circular dating and visioning the water wheel to keep my mind sane.. However he has been suggesting to me that I should put in more effort with him! I feel a little confused as I had hoped he would turn around when he was ready and come to me. It doesn’t feel right that I should initiate contact and organise dates after he asked me if we could slow down? Does this make sense to you? I did say to him “thank you for telling me, I appreciate your honesty… you do sound very confused” as some comments were a little contradictory. He said he was very confused. But it was about us and he wanted to do things the right way and didn’t want to risk ruining anything by jumping into something.
    The other thing that bothers me a little is that we met on a dating site… he said he’s intrigued by the whole thing (he’s new to it) & wants his mum & a few friends to try it.. So he is logging on the site every day or so… He said he’s not contacting anyone and not replying to them as he thinks “he’s found the best girl out of all of them” but I still don’t like the idea of him logging on frequently… He also said that he doesnt want to date other people & he’s thinking of deleting his profile as its not for him.. So its pretty confusing! I do like this guy and I am ready for a relationship so I am I doing the right thing by circular dating and water wheel? Is there anything else I can do to turn this into what I need? Should I be making more effort?