Don’t Get Discouraged Around Finding Your Man – You Can DO IT!!

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I just got a letter from “Cheryl” who is actually doing incredibly well changing her vibe and getting out there…but still not getting the dates and results she wants. She’s lost weight, is dressing more feminine, changed her hair, whitened her teeth, wearing nail polish…volunteering, taking classes, working…and is experiencing little interest from men.

“It’s always been this way,” she told me – “I have never had a man pursue me, ask me out, show any interest in me.” She says, “I know the vibe that I give off now is one of confidence and one of openness.  My friends and co-workers have all remarked on the change in this.  I feel everything and don’t stuff my feelings down anymore. But, Rori, I really don’t know how much more I can take… ”

She asked me – “So, please tell me that you have dealt with this before.  At least one of your clients has had to have been like me right?  Never had a boyfriend, never had anyone take an interest in her and now she’s in a relationship with some hope of marriage?

“I know I am beautiful, I am smart, funny and I deserve a good relationship.  I really deserve to be happy.   I have told my co-workers and friends that I am looking to be in a relationship.  I am open to it.  Please tell me that there is hope.  Because, again, I really have had it. Cheryl”

Here’s my answer:

Cheryl: Your whole life – just looking at your experiences – you’ve closed yourself off from men.

You added extra pounds to keep love away…and now, all of a sudden, you’re working so hard to undo all of that and to re-invent yourself! And you’ve done that!  NOW – all you need is a bit of time and experience. You need to experiment to find out why you’re not connecting.

It could be that you instinctively aren’t open to men who would be interested in you, and so you shut down without knowing, or try too hard without knowing.

You may have shut yourself down sexually, and so that part of you isn’t radiating out.

You may be attracting LOTS of men who simply either aren’t up to your “standards” or don’t feel comfortable approaching you.

All you need here is a plan, and help to stay motivated.

So – What are you doing in regards to online dating: match.com, Plenty of Fish, OKCupid?

How about Speed Dating?

How about meetup.com hiking and other groups that would appeal to men?

How about big sports bars where you can watch and learn basketball (season starting now)?

Let’s see if we can find some new plans to put into action…and I’m wondering if all you need now is some one-on-one help – best thing would be a life or dating coach you could see IN PERSON in your town…someone who might know the local places to hang out in, where to go….

Then – perhaps we need to talk about your FLIRTING SKILLS!!!  And see if we can find some ways for you to “break the rules”  and talk to men – even if you talk to them FIRST! You have so little experience that ANY experience at all would be helpful for you.  You’ve successfully avoided a broken heart – so now perhaps you’re due even for that – and perhaps you want to WELCOME that as an experience to get through and over.

You’re going to want to experiment with sex – perhaps be open to sex with someone you’ve not exclusively or emotionally involved with…just to try it and see how you react and respond, and if you get “hung up” on him.

Experiment with different ways of smiling at and being in your body around men when you go to public places where there are a lot of them.  See if you can work with your emotions while all this is happening.

What we’re looking for here is to ramp up your opportunity for a man to find you….

You so lack “experience” that you likely are putting off both an over-anxious vibe and a frightened vibe…so your best starting place is with OTHER inexperienced folks…if you can research where THOSE men might be…you can experiment and feel confident.

I’d really, really recommend that you find a coach you can see in person.  Someone who can meet you, who can assess you, can train you.  There are men and women life coaches everywhere who have classes – stylists and makeover women who’ll take a look at you and PRACTICE your flirting and dating techniques with you. There are men and women coaches (try a man, first) who take you out to bars and TEACH you – right there – how to pick up men! They coach you right through what to say. It’s called being your “wing man” or “wing woman.”

While you’re finding out those resources, use the programs of mine you have – keep my Heart Connection Toolkit on 24/7 – and sneak in Modern Siren and Targeting Mr. Right during breaks. Whatever keeps your spirits and your confidence UP – that’s what you do.

So – to recap –

1. Find someone to do an assessment and coach you in person…I can help you google someone if you tell me your town – but you seem great at finding resources…

2. Find more opportunities to go where men are – all kinds of men.

3. Use dating resources like events, mixers, singles events, friends and family fixing you up, and ALL online sites, including Craig’s List.

If you need help managing it – 15 minutes with a coach ((as long as you have nuts-and-bolts info on how to do each site, have GREAT pictures (and I mean professional grade, someone-who-knows-what-they’re doing great) and a good profile)) might do it.

You CAN do this – if I was able to, long ago – you sure can. I’ve had clients who started out so depressed they could barely move experience complete turn arounds.

You’re almost there!  Really, you are!

I’ve heard the most amazing stories – it just takes doing what you’re doing, staying committed to yourself and to loving yourself, being open to every single man who shows up, and being willing to experiment (even if it feels uncomfortable) so you can get some experience under your belt.

Will you keep in touch with me and let me know how you’re doing? 

Love, Rori

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340 Comments

  1.  #1Darling Ella on December 3, 2010 at 8:00 am

    Oh, no…Top of the world???? Yay…I feel it!!!



  2.  #2Soul Sista on December 3, 2010 at 8:17 am

    …well i don’t feel “on top of the world” but i am glad i didn’t give up on Craigslist…the man i am going out with this weekend is a good man, works out, knows about music/entertainment business and wants to show me a good time.

    i’m leaving in 2 weeks to be with my mom and he wants to see me Saturday AND Sunday, and not in a creepy way either. just have fun with me before i leave.

    i think this will be a good experience to have under my belt when i get back to Southern IDAHO (please shoot me, someone) and then Yuma, AZ for the rest of the winter, with my mom…i’m used to being in or around big, affluent style urban settings.

    but, HEY, on the bright side…I BET THERE WILL BE SOME HOT MEN AROUND FROM OUT OF TOWN FOR THE HOLIDAYS! ok, i’m gonna try and get a date every night of the week during that time 🙂

    woo hoo! 🙂



  3.  #3Mercedes on December 3, 2010 at 8:38 am

    I love this post Rori. I love it especially because you were able to show how to take your tools to that next level. I think sometimes we women make so much progress and then we get “stuck” not knowing how to keep going. This was a beautiful example of advice on how to continue on the path rather than get discouraged and jump off it.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  4.  #4Femininewoman on December 3, 2010 at 8:40 am

    I like this post. I am connecting with men that I both like and don’t like but mostly in the office. The one that is stepping up big time is outside the office but looking at his “stuff” I am hesitant to go wholeheartedly because of an ex that is still in the picture because of his son. I am however flirting as he contacts me practically everyday. He called yesterday but did not leave a message so I didn’t call back. He called this morning asking “are we still good?” The thing that scares me the most is that he keeps bringing up about himself getting married or myself getting married just not putting us together but I sense that is what he is insinuating trying to get me comfortable with the idea. The other day in a conversation he indicated that his philosophy is to try harder when a woman gives him a hard time as the object is to wear her down until she gives in. That was a big insight for me because I took from it that guys who withdraw or find reasons not to pursue are really not ready. So more resolve on my part to not lean forward.



  5.  #5Turtle Girl on December 3, 2010 at 9:41 am

    Here! Here! Hip hip hurray! Here’s to not giving up!

    Still no contact or response to my cd man email…..he he he

    I don’t think I wanna be with a guy like that, no, no. I think I shall call him “rage man”. Let’s see first there was toxic man, then rage man, and sweet as pie man (but not very good sex) so things are improving a lot. Next will be sweet man, sexy man, calm man, my man…….;o)



  6.  #6LonePlum on December 3, 2010 at 10:00 am

    240: Deb
    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/when-you-feel-attacked-and-you-know-its-your-stuff-what-to-do/#comment-80148

    ****I gave my speech to ShimSham about not being sexual with him anymore (which happened only twice) without commitment, and described commitment as being exclusive and continuous.*****

    ***We both do not like the bf/gf label. ***

    Exclusivity is not commitment.
    A man can be exclusive and faithful to you, and yet be thinking it is jut for now, until he meets Mrs Right.
    You get stuck in girl friend trap until he leaves you 3 or 5 years later.

    You told him you don’t want to be called “girl friend”, so he won’t call you “girl friend”, but it does not change the fact that you are acting as a “girl friend” when you are being exclusive.

    Keep in mind that no mater how nice he treats you and no mater how many members of his family you will meet, you are only DATING HIM, until he puts the ring on your finger and sets a date for the marriage.

    A man can ask you on dates for family events and work events, it is not a commitment at all.
    It is a social behavior.
    People like to show up hand in hand with their Date.
    They show their family and co workers they are sexually active and that nothing is wrong with them. That’s all there is to it.
    They also need the friendship and the sex while they wait to meet Mrs Right.
    Don’t see it as a proof of engagement.

    ***I also have always made it clear that I only date people with whom there might be the possibility of marriage.***

    I am sure he is being honest and is open to the idea of marrying someday
    But he does not know if it will be with you
    He needs to met his high price lady.
    It could be you, unless you lower your price by committing to him with exclusivity when he has not committed to you with marriage.

    ***Then he went away on a trip.***

    Was it a work trip or a fun trip?

    ***People are starting to see me out with each and say things like, “oh, where’s your ‘boyfriend’ tonight?” That’s just annoying! I don’t know how much they suspect about the other at this point, because neither has asked me directly… are they really that clueless??****

    Your answer to them is that he (no mater whom they refer to) is not your boy friend, he has not committed to marriage, you are still dating.

    ***Also, I have never experienced a good & healthy committed relationship and I just want to know what that feels like to dive into love. ***

    He has not committed to you, he only found a girl friend even if she does not want to be called a girl friend.
    You seem to be driven by that sense of emergency we all try to fight here 😉

    ***It just seems unrealistic to expect a proposal after dating for only a couple of months. ***

    I feel the same way.
    As you say, it is unrealistic to expect his heart to feel committed to you after a couple of months.

    So if you give him exclusivity before he feels committed, he might not need to feel committed.

    The only way to make him feel he should propose before anybody takes you away, is to keep Cdating until he proposes.

    Exclusivity might make you the “ taken for granted, already won girl ”, and his heart might go back to sleep.

    ***Before, it told to me to give Shag a chance. Now its telling me that I have to be honest and realize & communicate that there will never be anything more between us. I sense that I really needed him to learn a valuable lesson about being receptive to compliments, gifts, and affection. Just for reference – I have checked in with my close friends about this too and they unanimously vote for ShimSham. ***

    The idea of Cdating was not to chose between 2 men after the first couple of months.
    The idea of Cdating is to keep seeing everybody until you get the proposal.

    You can keep dating Shag without playing sexually with him.
    Or you can date other men with no sex.

    But you are not supposed to chose between two men when no man has officially chosen you yet.

    A commitment is the proposal with the wedding date set, or the ring or the buying of a house etc….

    xxx



  7.  #7Meemee on December 3, 2010 at 10:17 am

    Sirens
    Its been so long. I was travelling and working and was busy making plans for my research and meeting people.
    I feel good.
    I got access to internet only today. I was dying to talk to you all.
    I feel really good spending some time alone, away from office and X and all related unproductive forces.
    I am taking care of myself tremendously and I feel so so good about it.

    My days are busy now, exploring the new city, working in the library and writing.
    I took up a freelance writing work also which will give me reasonably good amount of money.
    I am happy.
    At times I feel tired with the busy schedule of the day.But it helps me too.
    I think of X at times, which leaves a pricking feeling in my heart. I feel hurt and upset when I think about him.
    He didnt call or text or ping me for the last one week. So I think it is settled now. I told him what I want and he is incapable of anything other than sex.
    I am taking time to let him go completely. But as I focus more on my life and my work, I think he will eventually fade away. Isnt that so?
    How are you all doing?
    I missed all of you.
    I have to go back to old posts and read all of them now to feel updated.
    Love you all
    Missed you all for the last 3 days.
    Love
    Meemee



  8.  #8Rachel on December 3, 2010 at 10:38 am

    Hi Meemee!! You sound so good! I feel happy reading about your work and adventures. I wish I could go away to a new city for awhile! It sounds like you are on the right path in your thinking and your heart will heal with time.
    Hugs!



  9.  #9Meemee on December 3, 2010 at 10:41 am

    Rachel
    Thanks my dear.
    I feel much much better and good these days.
    But in ten day’s time I will have to go back to the same office with X sitting next to my room.
    That worries me.
    I dont want this happiness to go away.
    I have been thinking of X for the last half an hour. I feel slightly uneasy 🙁 🙁
    Meemee



  10.  #10Turtle Girl on December 3, 2010 at 11:15 am

    SLV#206 last post

    As to the elderly, more dancing and music and sex…..

    Uh, yeah, I second that yowza!! ;o)

    xxooo



  11.  #11tinque on December 3, 2010 at 11:42 am

    dancing, dancing, dancing, sex, sex, sex, yum, yum, yum….
    My two favorite things in the world.
    Yay us, SLV, TG, and T and anyone else…
    xxoo



  12.  #12Rosalie on December 3, 2010 at 11:45 am

    @ Plum:
    I love your comment- like usual. You do such a great job for us.
    I feel for you with the loss of your friend…
    I have a friend who died in a fatal accident 6 years ago. He was just 20. I can feel that he is my guardian angel… I send him my love as often I can.

    @DarlingElla:
    I love your photo here, amazing beauty!!! 🙂 You really look like me (LOL ego ego ego) Okay seriously, can I see a bigger phto about you anywhere else? Curious if we really look that similar… 🙂



  13.  #13Soul Sista on December 3, 2010 at 12:23 pm

    ISIS: Thank you for the birth info and congrats!!! i watched a documentary on home birthing a couple weeks ago and cried the whole time!

    as for the man…i’m handling today better than i thought i would. today is the release of our first album…we worked for a year and a half on music and we have several more releases to come…and we aren’t even talking now. but, i defintely don’t want to be his friend and i’m communicating directly with the general mgr/lawyer. it’s sad…but he disappeared…and i’m glad because now i get to see where i wasn’t being the woman i need to be to have the relationship i want.



  14.  #14Isis on December 3, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    Rosa-

    Thanks for letting me know that my posts have value here. I am glad that it helped you explore your feelings. I like how you have identified them and named them.

    I worry a lot that I somewhat misrepresent my relationship here as it’s hard to share all the details of a relationship. I vent a bit too, and I appreciate having a place to share my feelings. But I like that I can come here and view my own stuff in another light, potentially seeing things more clearly, and getting other points of view, even if all of us come from entirely different backgrounds and have different ideas about what feels good and what is ok. I am not into an open relationship, but I am into being open to new decisions as long as they are LOVING decisions and I am included in the decisions. I just know that if you tie this man down he will bust out like a horse bitten, and when I leave it alone, he calms down and does what I want. He knows I am about a monogamous relationship, and being married. He knows what behaviour is NOT ok with me. I am just watching him, observing… what does he do.. I think he has been attempting recently to press buttons, via requesting an open relationship and flirting with others, and I have more often than not simply not responded unless it’s something I LIKE. If he does something I do not like, I lean further back, do less, put my energy elsewhere. When I manage to do these thigns, the dynamic feels better.

    Some of the things that have happened in my relationship have felt icky, and some things have felt marvelous. However I will only get so comfortable, until something more happens. All I have to do is keep my balance: The more I get of what I want, the more I will dole out my energetic gifts to this relationship. The less I get what I want, the more my energy goes elsewhere. I know that he occasionally “rewards and punishes” me, and though I don’t like that term, I could easily term it the same as mine; a yin/yang, a keeping of energy balances in the relationship. But whatever it is, he understands the concept, so we can communicate there.

    I am confused about whether I even want to stay in this relationship, or whether I would like to try having a serious relationship with my baby’s father who is about to arrive in a week’s time.
    But until he steps up to ask for such a thing, I can relax I suppose. I love being prepared though, for all situations, so I do a lot of over analyzing. Stop brain, stop! Just receive everything that feels good.

    You said you did not like the feeling of someone sleeping with others while in an “open relationship” and the funny thing is like i said, it hasn’t happened since we termed it this. He is a very interesting creature.

    Also, he was adopted, and I feel like a lot of his behaviour stems from this. But I haven’t said anything about it.

    He is a libra/scorpio, insides warring.

    But as far as “dating” other people, I am just fine with that. I am being sexually exclusive, for now, and I sense that as long as I am, he is. “Dating” does not imply sex. Truthfully, I don’t know if I’m fine with dating either, but I’m fine with ME dating other people. SO.
    =)

    I am afraid of it. I worry that if I do, he might, and he will do it ever harder, but I am determined that I can do it even harder than that. I am determined that I can out-girl him. Besides, once I have a few people to date, it probably wouldn’t matter to me that much anyway as long as *I* had someone to keep me company, and besides, they might give me more things I want; and the more they do, the more the bar is raised for him; and then my only dilemma is choosing from the multitude of people who love me.

    The idea is allowing him to miss me, WHILE seeing that others are interested in me. Just missing me wouldn’t do anything, if he thinks I’m just sitting at home. That is why I went on a lunch date yesterday. I love that he showed up in a suit. haha.

    I don’t know about all this, I am a bit confused about whether I really want to date anyone else or not. That’s why I’m not calling it “dating”, I’m just saying “hey, our friend so and so is coming over and we’re going out”… fortunately yesterdays date guy and I are friends and he assumes I am going to bring my baby. Yay. (In fact, he thinks it is my partner’s baby- everyone does, as we haven’t brought it up to many people yet.) we see each other at events all the time, and I bring my baby to everything.

    This is something I don’t know how to put out there to someone I don’t know who is a potential date.

    hmmmmm dating.



  15.  #15Senior Lady Vibe on December 3, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    @13: Soul Sista says:

    “…being the woman i need to be to have the relationship i want….”

    Soul Sista… These are words to live by! 😀

    SLV



  16.  #16Senior Lady Vibe on December 3, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    @6: LonePlum

    Hi Plum:

    Thanks for the “commitment” explanation. I was wondering about this last night: what the steps are and where “exclusivity” fits in, whether it’s a step.

    I’m thinking “sexual exclusivity” is a step if I want to have sex… I know I don’t want multiple partners nor sex with a guy who has multiple partners but I don’t think that excludes me from seeing other men socially nor prevents me from changing”sexual exclusivity” to someone else.

    That’s where I stand so far, subject to change… It’s all academic at the moment. 😉

    SLV



  17.  #17Isis on December 3, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    I noticed a comment my honey made on fb last week —-i forget what it was my friend had said- but he responded to it that “it’s about the hunt” – it’s no fun without the hunt…

    I can give him more of a hunt, eh!
    Does he remember the hot little mami he’s dealing with? I dare to say that very nearly every man in our social circle/friends wants to take me out. If I played it up to them and flirted a bit and seemed receptive to going somewhere, they would take me. Not that they all would step up to doing such a thing or to paying or etc etc, but they want my attention, for sure. Has he not noticed?

    I don’t really want to involve our “friends” only because I don’t want to cause any trouble in our social circle, or any bad feelings. In addition, I am not really interested in any of our friends. (Though it’s fair to say, I don’t really know them in a romantic light.) But… they would do it.

    Just making myself aware of this fact makes me feel good about myself right now.



  18.  #18Isis on December 3, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    Soul Sista.
    Southern Idaho. I am sorry. and then AZ. I am sure you will find plenty of men to practice with, and if you don’t feel like it, at least it will give you time to enjoy yourself and relax. read a book. pamper yourself.

    Also, the man- not wanting to be his friend.
    Yes. When I left home at one point my partner called me every DAY wanting to see me, talk to me. I refused to see him, and when he called I would ask if there was something he needed to talk about – had something changed? (I left a letter stating what I needed to change). He was very perturbed about this. But I explained to him that I didn’t have time to be “just friends” because I wanted someone to be in a real committed relationship with, I wanted to be married. I told him that I was completely open to talking if he wanted to talk about it, to give me a call, let me know.
    He continued to text me, etcetc. But one day he said he found something I wrote that made him rethink things and he wanted to meet to discuss it.
    bingo.

    I moved back in later, when we had discussed some things, of course I would have preferred to move elsewhere, but that hasn’t been an option right now, and things are workable this way. I can still date if I feel like it.
    But definitely DO NOT BE FRIENDS. You are not “friends”. Good going, girl.

    lol, – Rosalie- I want to see a bigger photo of DarlingElla too. Gorgeous.



  19.  #19Isis on December 3, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    SLV –

    “I’m thinking “sexual exclusivity” is a step if I want to have sex… I know I don’t want multiple partners nor sex with a guy who has multiple partners but I don’t think that excludes me from seeing other men socially nor prevents me from changing”sexual exclusivity” to someone else.”

    I agree.



  20.  #20Darling Ella on December 3, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    Rosalie and Isis:

    Gosh, I feel like blushing…thank u for being so generous…lets say i had a good day taking pics with the video camera on the computer…when i feel down, i put up the pic to remind myself to get up and believe in myself…:)

    Warm hugs,



  21.  #21Darling Ella on December 3, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    I feel like escaping somewhere…

    I observe other Sirens transformations…and those who have changed the environment even if it’s temporary …their attitude/outlook/vibe is sooo much better than the rest of us…

    I wished I was rich to create a little heaven place for all women…like a recovery Siren island…make arrangements for their kids, and take moms/women away on a free mini vacation (one month)…during the stay, all will attend a rigorous reprogramming of all negative thoughts (have a collaboration with Rori, Marianne, Christian,etc), lots of massages, sisterhood, maybe bring in some men carefully selected for my ladies…No cameras…everything private…

    To raise a healthy future, we have to be healthy…and I think we are running on low batteries…

    Gosh, I soo wished i was rich…:(



  22.  #22Daria on December 3, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    I feel so much better today! I’ve been asking guys for rides… and even tho i don’t have one secured yet… i feel so much better!

    my brother told me what to tell them at the county office …

    basically that i have no income and that im staying from place to place but this is my address i have on my id

    and he said that they not only give me foodstamps but aslo MONEY

    yay i feel so excited…

    i will ask with the community service people if i can take one day off so that i can go get signed up

    one guy i just met told me about this direct marketing business he’s doing where basically it’s like giving people the cable / internet/ phone service they would get anyway, but signing up through him he gets a percentage of it

    its the kinda stuff i feel scared doing … it feels good to hear about Him doing it and maybe i can babystep towards getting more comfortable with marketing myself

    and im just feeling good!

    and I WILL NOT

    walk 3 hours with a backpack on anymore, cuz my back hurt and not in a good way

    i want to get a llil towel and start carrying stuff on my head! imagine the looks at the Goddess hehe



  23.  #23Daria on December 3, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    I want to birth underwater too!!

    🙂 🙂 🙂

    last nite laying in bed i thought about the time i had an abortion and felt surprised and curious to realize that today, unlike say, even a year ago…

    if i were pregnant, by a man i feel cool with in some way, i would probably want to keep the baby…

    for me! not really thinking about him or anything..

    like… i feel like i have the strength to care for a child in my life now

    while before i felt terrified…

    yay for wisdom and woman life



  24.  #24Isis on December 3, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    So Christmas:

    My baby’s biological father will be here in less than a week. We have a magnetic attraction. We have been seeing each other for years, through other situations and relationships. He has done a lot of personal work and grown in many ways, and in the last two years he has been able to be much more intimate with me- opening up to me with his thoughts and feelings!! I love it! I love it. I know a lot of it has to do with me leaning back. I hope to maintain this when he gets here.

    I would consider having a relationship with him, although I still can’t bring myself to want to leave the family I have- even though we are not married.
    I could consider moving to my own space and dating both, but I don’t have money right now.

    Part of considering a relationship with him is that we now have a son, whom he is going to meet for the first time in a week or so, and I do not like kids going back and forth, although it can work, and our interactions would be love-filled as opposed to some situations (like his parents) where nothing was done out of love, making it very difficult on the kids.

    And part of it is that I have just always cared for him. We haven’t lived in the same state for several years now though. We will see how it feels when he is here. If I can maintain myself, and my behaviour, I think he will continue to be that man I love.

    There are so many options on the table.

    Christmas is coming up. My partner’s family is 3 1/2 hours away, my baby’s biological father’s fam is 1 1/2 hrs away. One of my sisters is 6 hours away and my grandma and a cousin are here in my town. my grandfather just died recently. Thanksgiving my grandmother went the 6 hrs with her son to see my sister. Not sure of her plans for xmas.

    *I* wanted to have my baby’s first xmas with the family around. All of them. At my house. I want him to have photos with all of his family, knowing that we are all together on this, we all love him.
    But I am not sure everyone would be able to come to my town for xmas, it’s not looking that likely right now. Other than have xmas at my house all together,
    here are the options:

    My partner’s family lives 4 hours away. We would normally have Xmas the 24th-27th.

    My son’s biological dad’s family offered to have an early xmas with me on the 18th. Not clear if my partner was invited but think he is…

    ***Have Christmas separately with each of them, one 18th and one on 25th?

    ***Invite my partner to an early Xmas 18th with bio dad and then go to partner’s family 25th?

    ***Spend Xmas 25th with son’s bio dad and skip partner? (As far as I know he is going on NYE trip to SF without me… but is like “but we still have xmas”…)

    I want my partner/family to be included…. tho I am confused because I realize that I can probably not maintain relationships with both men forever. ? I don’t know. But I wanted my partner to be included.

    I don’t want to ruin my either man’s interest in me or the baby by not including them, or not having xmas with them.

    –at the same time, my partner wants to have NYE without me?? (i think he wants some space and additionally wants to go but does not want to spend as much $ as it would take to pay for both of us to drive out with friends and then fly home)

    –as he has been acting confused and has not asked me to marry him officially yet, i want to also date my son’s father. i worry that inviting my partner could dampen my son’s father’s interest. he’s an aries. I am not clear on whether my partner was invited or not, I think he is. He’s seemed very accepting of my relationship in the past, (but would not come in and meet my partner last time he visited “wasn’t feeling well”). Even has had sex while I have been in and out of this relationship, but is currently as interested as ever, even knowing I am seeing my partner, and especially now that we have a baby.

    So if I date bio dad, I want to be very careful…
    Not sure he will like that I continue having sex with my partner. He is very much an Aries, about the hunt and always wants to be making progress and feel he is important. But if he was ok with it, would probably do the same himself. I don’t want that amount of sexual activity coming back to me, healthwise.

    Which is why I prefer to be sexually exclusive.
    Also, if we both had sex with others, it would leave room for him to then gain a “girlfriend” which I don’t need to complicate our situation with. And potentially lose an opportunity to have a real relationship with him. This is why I hate that he knows I live with/have sex with my partner.
    As of now I can not move out. And don’t feel ready to either.

    If bio dad brought up moving in with him, I would also think bad idea, because .. same trap.

    I do not want to end up in this situation again with someone I truly care about. I have considered not having sex with bio dad either, (he will definitely want to, and he remembers MOST fondly the time I “tried to fight him off”). But I worry if I make him go too long without sex, he will start to see others for it.

    hrmmmmm.
    my head is a jumble of thoughts …
    what am I feeling?…

    feeling confused.
    feeling attracted to bio dad, immensely, because he makes me feel good – at least, when we’re with each other. Up til now we have communicated verrry regularly since he knew the baby was his, until this week- I haven’t spoken to him for about a week (maybe cause I mentioned a disagreement with my partner?) -he gets quiet and ignores me when he doesn’t like something- but this could also be because he’s currently road tripping to get here!!!!!!! I know though, that the places he is staying must have internet, and he has a phone that can check things online- but not so much as a comment at all.

    feeling attracted also to my partner – esp after date yesterday.

    feeling good when my leaning back gets good behavior from my partner.

    feeling… head hurt from too many thoughts and pressure about christmas.. pressure about presents. ahghghg. too much pressure!

    pressure imposed by my thoughts and fears? or things I sense about my two men?

    sometimes it all seems like too much and i consider dating neither of them because I don’t know what to do!

    blah.

    gotta go work on promoting my dream interpretation.



  25.  #25Soul Sista on December 3, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    isis: that is intense! i would definitely work with dreams because i think it’s too much for the conscious mind to handle. i have had a lot of success with getting point blank guidance in dreams lately.

    i guess it boils down to figuring out what you want – what is the relationship that you want (not what man do you want).

    xo soul sista



  26.  #26Isis on December 3, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Thanks to you all for being here. I am grateful that this is a place where I can put all these thoughts and get them working properly.

    I just came back to say that and realized how long my last post was. and cringed. but I realize we all play a part.. we all contribute in ways we don’t even know.

    thank you all for posting your own insights and questions, I know they help me, even if I am not always able to articulate it, or if its still floating around in my mind somewhere to be pieced together. we are each other’s puzzle pieces! 😉 haha! yayyy!



  27.  #27Isis on December 3, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    Soul Sista. YES…. the relationship you want… thank you.



  28.  #28Soul Sista on December 3, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    This is my vision of my relationship:

    My self-care, wellness and happiness is priority (except in emergency situations)
    My relationship is juicy, full of kindness and love, erotic, fun, smart, creative, growth, romance…we share spritual, cultural and moral values
    My man is primary bread winner and loves taking care of his family
    I stay home taking care of my children, work on my music and travel for music when necessary but family comes first.
    We have fun as a family…we value our health and are very physically active and eat wonderful organic food whenever possible grown ourselves or bought locally

    I feel cherished, adored, taken care of, respected, secure and loved.

    something like that.



  29.  #29Isis on December 3, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    daria & soul sista- i wanted to do water birth, too, but didn’t set up the tub – because it was too much setup, maintenance and clean up. I figured I would just make sure my tub was clean and use it if I reallly needed to.

    But at the time, I didn’t even think about it. I wonder if it would have been more comfortable in the water… I really wish now I would have had the experience of having contractions (after water broke) both in and out of water, to know the difference. Although birth was uncomfortable, it was manageable and I would definitely do it again!!! so in water, I wonder if I would have just been having a really good time! LOL!



  30.  #30Darling Ella on December 3, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    I feel exhausted…and realize that I can’t keep J on the saddle…I feel sabotaged in my efforts…

    I found this link about The No Contact Rule…newsletter…http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-e-guide-newsletter/

    Hmm…maybe this time I can stick to it…I know I have attained the strength not to txt, call, email…for the past 2 months since leaning back…

    The problem is whether i can resist to him calling, texting, consistent pressure to talk to him…yet, never gets us anywhere cause he is not ready…

    I feel tired of this charade…:( He is toxic…very toxic…and I am a fool …crazy fool for hoping things will change after 18 months…

    Don’t know what to say this time…what would u say? how would u say it in feeling language???

    Hugs,



  31.  #31Wynter on December 3, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    Ladies,

    I’m new here, but I feel like I’ve already learned so much from you. Still, I feel lost in my current situation. I’m 34 and have never been married. When I was younger I dated a lot of older men because they made me feel special, but those relationships never really progressed because we were at different stages in our lives. Now I’m older and wiser and want a man to marry. I haven’t had any luck meeting men locally, so I decided to join a couple of online dating sites. Several weeks ago, I met a man on eharmony, and we seemed to have an instant connection. We emailed all the time and then that progressed to daily phone calls. (him calling me, of course, writing me, and then I would respond) Well, the last time I heard from him was on Thanksgiving. He volunteered to work that day and sent me an email about his experience. Then he told me he’d write me back later, and I haven’t heard a thing from him. No more emails or calls or text messages, and I know I probably shouldn’t care. But I miss him terribly. I want to reach out to him, but I know Rori recommends leaning back. Still a part of me wonders what if he got hit by a bus or something… shouldn’t I at least call once just to make sure he’s okay? What do you ladies recommend?

    I also met another man on chemistry.com several months ago. We had an instant connection on the phone, talked constantly that first weekend. Everything was going great until we had a very in-depth conversation about our values, and there were some things that didn’t match up. Long story short, I walked away at that point, and there was no communication for weeks and weeks. Then he started calling again. There were more talks. We decided we could come together on the issues keeping us apart. We had our first date around Thanksgiving. I ended up being a bit disappointed that some of our plans fell through (his fault) but overall I had a good time. We even made out, but I feel that things went too far and I feel badly about that. But I know you can’t change the past. He kept texting me saying he had a great time, and when we talk he says he wants to be with me. But his actions don’t show it. He doesn’t call every day or pursue me as strongly as I think he should. He tells me it’s because it’s hunting season, and he’s a big outdoorsmen. He also says things would be different if our relationship had a label.

    I think it’s way too soon to talk about labels, and I can’t stop thinking about the other guy. What should I do? Guy number two wants to see me again, and I wouldn’t mind seeing me either. But I’m not overly excited about it.

    Any advice you ladies can provide would be welcomed.

    Thanks,

    Wynter



  32.  #32Lucy on December 3, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    Yummy yummy yummy I got love in my tummy….

    Rori: “And see if we can find some ways for you to “break the rules” and talk to men – even if you talk to them FIRST!”

    Thank you very much, Rori. I LIKE talking to men first — always have and it has always worked for me in the past so now I am going to go back to doing that. (Hehe, I already have a little bit bc that’s what my gut has been telling me…. and, um, it just works for me — and for them.)

    Yummy yummy



  33.  #33Rosa on December 3, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    Isis , these words of Soul Sista say it all

    i guess it boils down to figuring out what you want – what is the relationship that you want (not what man do you want).

    What DO you want Isis?
    I really appreciated your comments . From the readers point of view , this reader anyway , I think you speak your confusion clearly! And havent we all been there ….

    I felt again uncomfortable when i read about juggling the men , it seemed to me that neither of the guys in question actually are stepping up and offering you anything near a relationship that you deserve.

    It sounds more like a huge chess game and double guessing everyone’s next move so you can strategise YOUR best move. It sounds like surviving not actually getting what YOU want.

    I like that you see yourself as dating , i hope you keep dating as neither man is committed to you.

    Here are some key words personally I am looking for in a relationship and totally I get that yours will be different..

    “security , honesty , integrity, reliability , joyfulness, HOT SEX , adventurous , growing and self aware as individuals and as a couple ..”

    In my mind I know how this LOOKS from the outside and I practice seeing it and I practice behaving as if I have it now.

    Here is a link to a set of short exercises I like to use to clarify what I want and start to get it…

    Maybe try it on the Christmas issue ?

    http://www.hypknowsis.com/Affirmations-Positive-Quotes/AF8-Miracle-Question-Solution-Focused-Therapy.php



  34.  #34Rosa on December 3, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    Rori , Great post for me just now.

    I have been the successful dater in the past , but was too hooked on G-Man to want anyone else.

    Now I am soon to be “out there” again , but the new , post mastectomy /reconstruction me.

    This feels scary and unfamiliar . Inside I am afraid of judgement and rejection. I am afraid also of success!

    I can see how easy it would be for that vibe to surface.

    I am going to try and “Rockstar” it…

    I have had a couple of email exchanges with a guy online who actually lives in my suburb..he wants to meet and I explained I was in the country having some time off and will definitely be around soon.

    Slow and steady
    There is no “sense of emergency” anymore . Thank you Plum.



  35.  #35Senior Lady Vibe on December 3, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    @30 Darling Ella

    “The problem is whether i can resist to him calling, texting, consistent pressure to talk to him…yet, never gets us anywhere cause he is not ready…”

    DE, do you knit? crochet? These are very helpful for addiction type difficulties like smoking but I’m thinking now that it would also be helpfu in the “man-crack” kind of addiction. I think it would! It keeps your hands busy, and the process is very much like meditation.

    You could start making yourself a scarf, even a very simple garter stitch in big loopy stitches. If you are an artistic/tactile kind of person, the feel of it is soothing also. It is very therapeutic.

    Ravelry – a knit and crochet community
    Ravelry is a free site for knitters and crocheters.
    http://www.ravelry.com

    SLV



  36.  #36Daria on December 3, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    ugh… GA wants me to work for them 3 days a week…

    grr…

    now i see why sis got on SSI

    wish i had someone knowledgeable about it so they dont screw me

    i thnk they already tried to screw me because they would reduce my ish by a lot because of declaring residency here

    ugh

    this i how i got screwed at teh hospital into 50,000 dollar bill instead of getting aid… cuz i didnt know better
    and then had to sue

    i feel disappointed and angry at this stupid ish



  37.  #37Daria on December 3, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    and i also feel calm an chill…



  38.  #38Luzydel on December 3, 2010 at 5:08 pm

    This is good advise; my problem has always been, being open to the men who approach me.
    (Have another CD on Sunday yayy!) and Keep on getting emails from other men. Wow thanks RR for teaching me what to do by doing very little or nothing 🙂 I am learning to relax around men and accepting their compliments without over analyzing everything. Still learning, but it is like men can sense something and they come to me like bees to honey. Before I used to feel like Sh*t and just got flies coming to me.
    Hehe



  39.  #39Luzydel on December 3, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    I feel Great, 🙂



  40.  #40tinque on December 3, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    Daria – “hospital…50,000 dollar bill”
    I don’t know if it’s to late for this, but when I rolled my car last year without having any health insurance, I called the hospital and all the doctors and labs involved. All but the ambulance were more than willing to reduce the bills by quite a bit. My hospital bill was $14,000 not including any tests or physician bills. I called and explained my situation briefly and was promptly asked if $800 was okay and would I want a payment plan.
    It’s maybe worth asking.
    xxoo



  41.  #41Luzydel on December 3, 2010 at 6:01 pm

    One thing that still triggers me is when a very good looking, successful guy approach me. I feel so insecure and inadequate. I feel so little and undeserving when I meet a guy that “has it all”. Like I am not good enough and once he finds out about my “flaws” he will leave me anyway.



  42.  #42Daria on December 3, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    tinque – they were not so accomodating… however…

    i found a lawyer to help me contact the nightclub where i broke my arm’s insurance

    the lawyer wanted to have a lawsuit

    so i sued and settled

    my family still paid 5000 dollars for me

    and i had a whole year of lawsuit to go thru myself because my family didnt want to do it or support me

    but i took care of it!



  43.  #43Luzydel on December 3, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    This blog is lonely today and I am sleepy G’night all 🙂



  44.  #44sia on December 3, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    That thing about not radiating sex vibe definitely goes for me. At least I think so, because I do not have sex now, but generally do not miss it, or maybe just for 2 weeks, and then I adjust – so men would sense this, no?

    I talked about it with one of my best friends, but we could not sense any difference in our vibes – she is very sexual. We analyse it in long drunken converstaions. So guys must be better in being able to tell.

    But I don’t have any hang ups I think, either. Sometimes very uncomfortable about my body, but nowadays just, like, 1 month per year.

    I wonder if I want a man that badly as my friends seem to. And maybe not wanting/needing them is keeping them far.

    I don’t want to get Modern Siren, I feel very resistant to it, too hippy, but if you have any advice on how to increase sexual vibe, I would love to hear it.

    Maybe more masturbation will be the answer, and here I have to admit I hate that word!! It is plain ugly to look at, sort of sturdy and unelegant. Anyone knows any flowery language euphemisms?



  45.  #45Soul Sista on December 3, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    sia: i call it “pleasuring yourself”



  46.  #46Isis on December 3, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    Wynter:
    “Still a part of me wonders what if he got hit by a bus or something… shouldn’t I at least call once just to make sure he’s okay? What do you ladies recommend?”

    Nope. If he hasn’t been hit by a bus, you will hear from him, if you don’t contact him. Drives a man crazy.
    And if he doesn’t contact you, he doesn’t have the initiative and determination a man needs to have to get you through the rough spots in your relationship.

    SoulSista: thank you for sharing your vision for your relationship. I like that and it gives me inspiration to rethink mine.

    I wonder if it has anything to do with me being a supposed mutable sign, (sagittarius) that I have such a difficult time sticking to these things. I am very flexible. I would prefer staying home with my children but because I very much understand the difficulty of financial situations and my partners desire to have equal contribution, etc, I am willing to do otherwise…. why is that..hmm.

    DarlingElla: re the NoContact rule, I wonder if that is something like “The Rules” 12 weeks without. When things aren’t going the way you need, or if you are ready for a proposal, or whatever it is- you have to leave. your needs aren’t getting met, you have to leave. you have to be ready to really truly walk out of his life. And you tell him what you want, request it, and if he says no, you walk out with a smile, looking good, and don’t speak to him for 12 weeks unless he calls to discuss your request.

    Rosa: You practice behaving as if you have it now… Can you tell me more about that.. This is part of the idea of faith, but I do not always clearly understand in every situation how to enact it. I am just curious if you are able to explain or share your ideas.

    Thanks for the link, I will look at it after I finish posting.

    Daria: I’m not sure what GA is, or ..why your sister got on SSI. I am curious what your situation is. But As for the hospital bill, my friend just had a situation happen and other friends have told him that there was a recent law passed that for those who do not have the ability to pay the (outrageous) amounts charged, you can call them and discuss it and it is required that they lower it, and significantly. I am not sure what this law is, but maybe you can research it and get some facts to throw out there when you’re calling them. It sounds hopeful for sure, from what I’ve heard my friends saying.



  47.  #47Wynter on December 3, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    Isis,

    Thanks for writing back. I’m going to stay strong and not call, but I sure do miss him a lot.



  48.  #48Dorothea on December 3, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    modern siren is not hippy in my opinion. it’s goddess training. any hippy dippy stuff is used to create an overall paradigm in which tools can be most effectively practiced. There are lots of good tools and stances and exercises.



  49.  #49Daria on December 3, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    Ok so my guy friend that I haven’t seen in a ling time jus picked me up.., and is complaining that I have no money and that he wants to go home and change… I am outgirling him because I have no choice.., I thought he was saying he likes me… Lol

    I am chimmim he finally went in to change.., I dono y he can’t take me in there lol I am in the car getting Internet from his neighbor,

    I feel uncomfortable and unwanted and am reprogramming myself.

    I want to feel good and deserving no matter how anyone acts and I love myself and i feel like in doing a good job. Right now I feel thirsty Aldo and I want to manifest a great night .., and feel undissapointed by my homie.



  50.  #50Daria on December 3, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    IsIs – try not understanding the difficulty of the financial situation. You don’t have to just cuz it makes sense. You are not working outside because of your partner – this is an illusion – you are working for you. And there is no need to ‘ understand ‘ Ie tolerate anything from a man, no matter how much ‘sense’ intakes and how much we empathize.

    It is always about is and when it doesn’t feel good in any way we say so,., we don’t have to be put in a position of understanding… If so something in the Energy is off not the pusher seemingly reasanoble reason.



  51.  #51Daria on December 3, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    It’s always about U’s…About the energy… Not the Outside seeming reason.



  52.  #52Daria on December 3, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    The hospital thing I took care of a long time ago… I just sued the place it happened… A personal injury lawyer took up my case… I settled before trial..,



  53.  #53Isis on December 3, 2010 at 10:00 pm

    How I should respond to my partner considering going to San Francisco for a week for NYE without me?

    I think he doesn’t want to pay for me to fly (I haven’t found a steady job yet after baby) + stress as he’s taken financial care even after certainty that it is bio dad’s baby, & also he just wants to get away from me. We see each other a lot.

    He wants me to be more independent, and get out of the house more. (I am here taking care of the baby and doing work online/finding work online.)

    He still is interested in spending xmas together. And enthusiastic about going to bio dads for an early xmas.

    But about NYE, I FEEL mad. I am angry that he wants to go out of town, with our friends, to a huge event, and not be with me on NYE, and who knows what he will end up doing, but it won’t be with me. I am mad and a little hurt. But that means hey, maybe I can hang out with bio dad and get in some “us” time.

    I don’t have the right to expect him to spend NYE with me, even if we’ve been together for two years. Correct me if I’m wrong.

    How should I look at this? Or respond?

    Should I say hey, whatever makes you happy, and go on about my happy life?

    Should I say, well- if you don’t want to spend NYE that makes me feel icky and I should just stay here for Xmas too? Or spend xmas anyway?

    Update about Christmas:

    Tonight he took me to a very nice restaurant. We had a $120 meal for about $60. I asked him over a very satisfying meal after a couple of glasses of wine how he feels about xmas. After he heard that the date for an early xmas with bio dad’s family would be on a weekend, he was enthusiastic and said that would work, so we should do that, and then i should go to town 4 hrs away for Christmas with him.

    I explained options about christmas, & wondered what to do. He said “you don’t always have to do exactly what I do”…
    (he thinks I do what he wants to do all the time.. his ego is mistaken, tho I DO try to create solutions that work for everyone.)

    He listened kindly to what I wanted to do for xmas (get “everyone” together in our town) and was definitely willing to do an early xmas with bio dad’s family but needs to go to see our fam 4 hrs away for xmas bc his 11yo daughter will be coming to town there.

    I expressed that I am feeling very stressed about xmas. I want to crawl in a hole and not go anywhere. (he said maybe I should if that’s what I want to do.)

    I said I just want everyone to be happy and not feel weird. He said that because it’s the first time us all getting together, it probably will be weird, thats just how it is.

    I want to include him, I want him to feel appreciated and recognized as someone who cares for the baby too. He has been here thru pregnancy and birth and backed it financially.

    I don’t want to dampen anyone’s interest, and I just don’t want to think about which man to sit by at dinner, and that I have to leave with him and leave bio dad just sitting there watching me leave. I imagine if I were a man that would feel emasculating.

    devil’s in the details.

    I am going to try the link you gave me Rosa, and Soul Sista, I always try dreams but it’s hard these days, not getting much sleep. <3



  54.  #54Darling Ella on December 3, 2010 at 10:10 pm

    Hmm…Just finished watching “The Duchess”…gosh what an awesome movie…

    A reminder that most of the times our problem is having to many choices…and lots of confusion…

    Amazing performance and production…I strongly recommended it…:)

    It felt very good to have a good cry…:)



  55.  #55Isis on December 3, 2010 at 10:14 pm

    Rosa, the link you sent has good questions/exercises.

    Daria.. pondering your notes….

    Bio dad hasn’t contacted me in a week. Even though he could text me while on the road on his way here, etc.

    I keep wanting to message/text/comment him on fb/something. I am confused about why and it doesn’t feel good that he hasn’t talked to me.

    Not sure what feeling message to say when he does get back with me.

    But I guess I will not say anything until then.



  56.  #56Daria on December 3, 2010 at 10:21 pm

    Isis – I would experiment w calling him a man that likes me instead of my partner



  57.  #57Daria on December 3, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    Hmmm hes helping u w baby amd he lives w u and more people…thats good that he’s doing that… Is bio dad going to support the baby ? … Then it would be even better.., u deserve everything u receive



  58.  #58Soul Sista on December 3, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    ladies ~ i just wanted to check in to say on top of blocking his emails and blocking him on Facebook i have also blocked his phone number from calling mine (you can do that with Google voice).

    yes, we have more albums to put out but he has a manager and she can contact me to go over contracts. my work on my end for the music is done for now. i am not angry…i need to love my heart, and let it heal, let it be tender and remain open not afraid he is going to barge in. and not be tense as i allow other men that want cherish me cherish me.

    i no longer take crumbs.



  59.  #59Rosa on December 3, 2010 at 10:38 pm


    I don’t have the right to expect him to spend NYE with me, even if we’ve been together for two years. Correct me if I’m wrong. ”

    Maybe not , as in this is NOT a committed relationship. I do know that nagging about it would only push him away , so too would hinting or “managing” the situation in any way.

    My feeling is BAD BAD BAD when i think about you trying to get this man to take you along . If he doesnt pull out all stops to be with you on NYE then he isnt the man for you at this time. Waiting TWO YEARS is too long , in my opinion. I am sorry for my bluntness.

    This is an imaginary relationship , even if you are living together. It doesnt feel good when i think about it and it doesnt feel respectful to me , as an outsider who admittedly is not IN the situation.

    But Isis you DO have the right to feel GOOD on Christmas Eve. This is time for Commitment Blueprint stuff . Just say OK , You must do what you want to do.

    And step way way back and set about making yourself happy on NYE without waiting for someone who doesnt want to be with you to change his mind!!!!! I dont think he can be any clearer.

    I agree with Daria that its not about staying in a safe financial situation. Although your man has good points , it tastes like crumbs too me, NOT the whole loaf.



  60.  #60Rosa on December 3, 2010 at 10:40 pm

    And as a 5 yr veteran of an imaginary relationship , dining on crumbs is very unsatisying and just gives you a pain in the gut !!



  61.  #61Darling Ella on December 3, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    Soul Sista #58

    Thank u for sharing the info about blocking emails and phone numbers…I feel curious though how can u block emails??? I used to set them go to spam…How about the phone numbers??? I thought that is done through the carriers…

    Hugs,



  62.  #62Darling Ella on December 3, 2010 at 10:46 pm

    Rosa:

    I love you sense of humor.. 🙂 I use it a lot on myself as my little tool for comfort…lol

    I am about to go on 2 years myself…LOL…The humor is getting bitter …lol

    Big hug 🙂



  63.  #63Soul Sista on December 3, 2010 at 10:47 pm

    darling ella: if you are in the US you can use Google voice but then you have a new phone number.

    in email, i filtered them to be deleted. (Gmail)



  64.  #64Darling Ella on December 3, 2010 at 10:57 pm

    Isis:

    Gosh, thank u for being brave enough to share about u situation and thought/feeling process…I often felt naked…doing it…and felt vulnerable…:( Yet, for some reason, it’s a relief …”u got off u chest” kinda thing…

    The Commitment Blueprint had the exact scenario (bf wants to go with a friend during a holiday without the gf)…Rori coached the gf how to address the issue…

    I recall Rori emphasis on being honest about u feelings…express them…the scenario in the program was the guy asked if she was Ok with him being out for the holiday…

    The response Rori supported was something like…”I don’t know…I was really looking fwd to spending the time with u on this holiday…”…But also the facial expression which was full “surprise” really played nicely in the conversation.

    Hope this helps.

    Hugs,



  65.  #65LonePlum on December 3, 2010 at 11:37 pm

    12: Rosalie

    Thank you, your words feel good

    xxx



  66.  #66LonePlum on December 3, 2010 at 11:55 pm

    16: Senior Lady Vibe

    Yes, that’s it 🙂

    PD:
    Academics studies come with practice sessions 😉
    he he he 🙂



  67.  #67Rosa on December 4, 2010 at 12:13 am

    Thank you DE , humour is always a great way to lighten the load. I like to imagine I am starring in a sitcom sometimes ..some life stuff is VERY funny if you imagine watching it as a comedy show.

    Speaking of which . I AM MAKING DINNER tonight!!! Yaay . I was well enough today to shop for another new DD bra in the Target sale, who knows what size I’ll be next month ! 🙂 Also bought salad etc and still on my feet long enough to stir fry the portugese chicken …yaay me..

    The iron pills are working and I can get upstairs without panting now too ..(I lost one third of my blood during surgery) ..

    Who needs slimy leopard slug G-man –uuughh –to look after me next week !!!! I am so glad he is not coming now . It feels much more comfortable not to have to second guess his moves ..yiiikkkkk



  68.  #68Daria on December 4, 2010 at 1:16 am

    heyy…

    so i was telling guys tat money isnt real tonite…

    who thought it woudl meet so much shock! i thought this was aconventional thought lol

    i was like kinda getting jabbed at all nite

    but i am so like in tune with what i was saying that it didnt much matter

    they were like

    well if you wanna live like jesus lol

    haha

    i could tell their minds were shook … that was cool

    and what was really cool!

    was

    I COU?L?D SEE!! money wasnt real

    first i was just reading that mary croft book… and i dint GET what she was talking about

    about everything being already paid for

    and the money only being signatures on paper traded for the receipt

    well

    its like

    the stuff in the store

    if moneys not real

    so we don see it lets say

    all that happens is you go in the store

    and you GET and pick up the THING that you want

    money is like a middle man

    its not necessary

    in fact it limits us

    becuase now, im not going to pick up EVER/y thing that i want

    and hen say… the merchant goes and picks up the stuff HE wants

    and such

    its not money we want

    its like we GIVE each other these things

    in reality

    if we make money disappear



  69.  #69Daria on December 4, 2010 at 1:17 am

    heyy…

    so i was telling guys tat money isnt real tonite…

    who thought it woudl meet so much shock! i thought this was aconventional thought lol

    i was like kinda getting jabbed at all nite

    but i am so like in tune with what i was saying that it didnt much matter

    they were like

    well if you wanna live like jesus lol

    haha

    i could tell their minds were shook … that was cool

    and what was really cool!

    was

    I COU?L?D SEE!! money wasnt real

    first i was just reading that mary croft book… and i dint GET what she was talking about

    about everything being already paid for

    and the money only being signatures on paper traded for the receipt

    well

    its like

    the stuff in the store

    if moneys not real

    so we don see it lets say

    all that happens is you go in the store

    and you GET and pick up the THING that you want

    money is like a middle man

    its not necessary

    in fact it limits us

    becuase now, im not going to pick up EVER/y thing that i want

    and hen say… the merchant goes and picks up the stuff HE wants

    and such

    its not money we want

    its like we GIVE each other these things

    in 3d observer reality

    if we make money disappear

    and the money is just some signed pieces of paper… that we THINK we gotta exchange… because we’re caught up pllayint the game

    but in reality

    of course we can have what we want

    cuz it already EXISTS in the store!

    i G?OT this tonite

    it was wow

    feels good! and cool! like im magic



  70.  #70Daria on December 4, 2010 at 1:18 am

    heyy…

    so i was telling guys tat money isnt real tonite…

    who thought it woudl meet so much shock! i thought this was aconventional thought lol

    i was like kinda getting jabbed at all nite

    but i am so like in tune with what i was saying that it didnt much matter

    they were like

    well if you wanna live like jesu*s lol

    haha

    i could tell their minds were shook … that was cool

    and what was really cool!

    was

    I COU?L?D SEE!! money wasnt real

    first i was just reading that mary croft book… and i dint GET what she was talking about

    about everything being already paid for

    and the money only being signatures on paper traded for the receipt

    well

    its like

    the stuff in the store

    if moneys not real

    so we don see it lets say

    all that happens is you go in the store

    and you GET and pick up the THING that you want

    money is like a middle man

    its not necessary

    in fact it limits us

    becuase now, im not going to pick up EVER/y thing that i want

    and hen say… the merchant goes and picks up the stuff HE wants

    and such

    its not money we want

    its like we GIVE each other these things

    in 3d observer reality

    if we make money disappear

    and the money is just some signed pieces of paper… that we THINK we gotta exchange… because we’re caught up pllayint the game

    but in reality

    of course we can have what we want

    cuz it already EXISTS in the store!

    i G?OT this tonite

    it was wow

    feels good! and cool! like im magic



  71.  #71LonePlum on December 4, 2010 at 1:22 am

    13: Soul Sista

    Wishing you the best luck for your brand new baby 🙂

    May its voice be heard around the world 😉

    xxx



  72.  #72Daria on December 4, 2010 at 1:23 am

    soul sista… how do you make your songs? i wanna sing too…

    do you have someone who adds echoes to them? or do you do that yourself

    do you just record yourself? or do you go to a studio you kno or pay?

    i wanna do this too



  73.  #73Daria on December 4, 2010 at 1:26 am

    Rosa – those affirmation links you shared ROCKED MY WORLD tonite! I remember Isis mentioning them and i went back to check em out
    !

    and wow! this is not JUST affirmations! loved it gonan save it and do some exericses from it now



  74.  #74Daria on December 4, 2010 at 1:28 am

    sia – i don’t have sex in awhile either… and also only miss it for a couple weeks after or sporadically,

    and i dont really self pleasure fully too often

    and i still feel very sexy and like i give off a sexual vibe

    i rub myself a lot, even in front of men, i will rub my scalp throught my hair, and i will let them touch me up to the point i dont feel comfortable with



  75.  #75Daria on December 4, 2010 at 1:41 am

    Try the Miracle Question Test: Suppose you woke up one morning and by some miracle everything you ever wanted, everything good you could ever imagine for yourself, had actually happened – your life had turned out exactly the way you wanted it.

    Think about it now.

    What will you notice around you that let you know that the miracle had happened?

    What will you see?

    What will you hear?

    What will you feel inside yourself?

    How would you be different?

    ****************************

    Ask yourself ‘After the miracle,

    What will I see that is different?’,

    ‘What will I hear that is different?’,

    ‘What will I be that is different?’,

    ‘What will I feel inside that is different from the way I feel now?’.

    *&*&*&*&*&**&*&*&*&*&&

    ok gonna write in here that what i saw where the colors BRIGHTER,
    i could hear nature better, like the ocean and a rhythmic sound
    i was seeing like jaguars and animals outside feeling in tune with in me , i was BEING more like them
    inside i felt more warm heart and clear breathing filling me more

    ***

    Get a bit of paper and divide it into three columns. At the top the first column write the words ‘I should….’.

    Then in that column write down all the things that you feel you should be doing. The list can be as long or as short as you like. Look at your list and rearrange them into the most important. Then, beside each ‘I should…’ statements, ask yourself ‘Why?’ and write down the answer in the second column. Then for each Should statement ask yourself ‘Says Who?’ and write the answer in the third column.

    Doing this exercise will let you find the basic beliefs you have about yourself. The ‘Says Who?’ column will challenge your assumptions and will show how you have been programmed to believe certain things that are causing problems for you.

    Now go through the list again, but this time rewrite all statements in the form ‘I COULD….’. These will turn into your affirmations. These affirmations will targeted exactly at the things in you life that you need to focus on.

    ***

    I should… be out dancing and feeling the high life of light on me and people staring at me…

    why? because it makes me feel powerful important and amazing and like im living strongly

    says who? says movies about popular people, movies about gangstas, and my friends

    &&&&&&&

    I should be downstairs doing the dishes

    why? so my parents will feel cared for

    says who? my dad

    ********

    I should be sleeping

    why? to regenerate my liver and kidney

    says who? jennifer the acupuncturist and the other acupuncturist dr. lee

    *****777

    I should be having a man coming to pick me up to have sex?

    why? cuz i need to have sex in order to be healthy and give off that love goddess vibe

    says who? that one renaissance guy who said you can tell a woman in love and one who is chaste is dried up… and friends… and rori

    ^^^^^^6

    I shoudl be doing something to make money

    why? to show that i can and to give to my family and so they can feel safe and stop attacking me

    says who? commercials, family, some guys, random books

    ###

    I should be feeling completely healthy right now

    why? cuz that is the best way to live life

    says who? people who promote health like meditation teachers

    &&&

    I am loving this exercise…

    this stuff all from Rosa’s link:

    http://www.hypknowsis.com/Affirmations-Positive-Quotes/AF8-Miracle-Question-Solution-Focused-Therapy.php



  76.  #76Daria on December 4, 2010 at 2:04 am

    i feel angry and kinda turned off that erika is Charging us to download a copy of the free HBR call she held for us

    like wtf we were the partipants… who does that?

    thats what my mind says

    erika has a right to do that

    she is the one who has the damn recording

    yeah she does but thats damn rude

    ok these are thoughts

    how do i feel

    angry… turned off… disconnected… betrayed… taken advantage of… mistrustful… more angry

    more and more angry

    pain in my spleen

    disgust

    wonder … is this how to “make” money?

    if so why is it sucha turnoff to me

    this is what i DONT want to happen to me

    i dont want to judge msyelf as shallow and predatory

    in this way

    the way i am judging Erika

    and i feel afraid that thats what charging or thinking about money does

    ugh

    i feel turend off AGAIN

    disappointed agian

    thought: when will i learn to not participate in her shit!

    then i wont feel backstabbed or have the rug pulled out of me or feel kept at arms length

    liek a freaking lab coat nurse smiling and repeating bullshit to your face as she drugs you witht the evil elixir

    i dotn feel good about this

    this feels nto good to me

    i feel distant, mistrustful…

    i want this far away, out of my life

    i dont want to feel this way towards a sister

    i feel angry

    thats like charging your family for turkey at thanksgiving

    sure ou CAN do it…

    hmmf

    i dont liek this

    i dont like it

    i feel intrigued by it

    i wonder

    i want to feel good

    and i feel curious whether it wouldnt feel good to charge people for everything even if it pisses them off

    and yet i know clearly i DONT feel good reading that

    i feel super judgemental

    i feel very distant from her and like shes not wanting to be my friend

    i feel like shes treating me coldly

    i feel… left out, lonely, horrified shock gasp, affronted

    insulted

    i feel insulted

    i feel like this is disrespectful to me

    i feel turned of by ‘such a person”

    its not about teh person

    i am not upset for the reason i think

    where are these thoughts cmoing from

    my mom

    do i really give a fu9ck about taht recording?

    well it would feel nice to have it

    shit if the world is aobut to be paying to make erika rich with me crying on it

    i want to have it

    ugh

    i jsut gave up my crying and emotions on tape for people to buy and i dont even get a fuc9kin free recording of it

    i feel pist

    i feel played

    i feel like hitting her and taking the damn recording like a film spool under my overcoat arm and dashing away with it

    im really feeliung very distant and numb and cold and twisty side of mouth frozen defense

    i feel this is a coverup for “hurt”

    this feels BAD

    like

    being told fu9ck you

    like when your sister doesnt let you borrow clothes

    for no reasoin

    fu9ck you bitch

    feeling mad

    loving my anger

    i feel uncomfortable feeling This angry

    i shouldnt feel so angry

    why\? cuz i care about erika and cuz i dont want to be seen as blah and cuz i dont want to seem like im being unreasonable and cuz it doesnt feel safe

    says who? erika, my cousin, my girl, the fake ass bitch who wouldnt lend me her clothes

    fu9ck you bitch

    hella mad

    anyway



  77.  #77Deb on December 4, 2010 at 2:09 am

    Lone Plum,

    Thank you for your insights!

    Gosh, sometimes I feel like I’m running before I’m walking… but here I come world!

    I see how being overly excited could easily backfire here… Thanks for your encouragement to stay on my horse. It’s so easy for me to want to place him smack in the middle of my life! You’re right, the gestures of company dinners and meeting family are nice, but that doesn’t mean I should lower my standards or back off of what I really want.

    I’m interested to hear what he has to say tomorrow! I may have to remind him of my dating-until-married philosophy. Eek – I’m scared! That’s going to take strength!

    I guess much of this comes down to my own fear. I want to cling. Ick, I don’t want to give off that desperate vibe. This is such a big test for me! I need to “swing free from the rock’ yet again, but I’m higher up now!

    I told Shag tonight that I felt unsure about things between us, that I have been feeling overwhelmed, and yes, that there is someone else in the picture. I explained that I needed some time. He was very sweet and understanding, although obviously disappointed. I think he really does just want me to be happy. He’s only ever treated me like a queen, which is awesome, and I respect him very much. BUT that doesn’t mean that we are compatible or meant for each other.

    I guess I don’t see the reason to stop dating him if he’s ok with not sleeping over anymore. I just wonder if continuing to see him bad idea with the guys being friends and all…

    Ok, so I’m not shutting any doors. AND maybe I’ll accept that invitation I just got to show a newly-single guy friend around town. Harmless, right? 😉



  78.  #78Daria on December 4, 2010 at 2:29 am

    Do Our Bodies’ Bacteria Play Matchmaker?
    ScienceDaily (Dec. 3, 2010) — Could the bacteria that we carry in our bodies decide who we marry? According to a new study from Tel Aviv University, the answer lies in the gut of a small fruit fly.
    See Also:
    Mind & Brain
    Gender Difference
    Nutrition Research
    Psychology
    Plants & Animals
    Bacteria
    Microbes and More
    Microbiology
    Reference
    Prokaryote
    Microorganism
    Legume
    Maggot
    Prof. Eugene Rosenberg, Prof. Daniel Segel and doctoral student Gil Sharon of Tel Aviv University’s Department of Molecular Microbiology and Biotechnology recently demonstrated that the symbiotic bacteria inside a fruit fly greatly influence its choice of mates.
    The research was done in cooperation with Prof. John Ringo of the University of Maine, and was recently published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS).
    Love, marriage and fruit flies
    Based on a theory developed by Prof. Rosenberg and Dr. Ilana Zilber-Rosenberg, the scientists propose that the basic unit of natural selection is not the individual living organism, plant or animal, but rather a larger biological milieu called a holobiont. This milieu can include plant or animal life as well as their symbiotic partners. In the case of animals, these partners tend to be microorganisms like intestinal bacteria.
    “Up to now, it was assumed that the host organism undergoes evolution on its own, while its symbiotic bacteria undergo their own evolution,” Prof. Rosenberg says. “The mechanism that we discovered enables evolution to occur more rapidly in response to environmental changes. Since a generation is shorter for bacteria than for multicellular organisms, they genetically adjust more quickly to changes in the holobiont,” says Prof. Rosenberg.
    Conducting their experiments on the rapidly-reproducing fruit fly, the scientists were able to test this new theory. The first experiment repeated a study carried out two decades ago by a Yale University researcher, in which a fly population was divided in half and fed different diets — malt sugar versus starch. A year later, when the flies were re-integrated as one group, those who had been fed starch preferred starch-fed mates, while the sugar-fed flies preferred mates of a similar nutritional background. The repeat experiment carried out by the Tel Aviv University researchers shows that this dietary influence takes effect within just a generation or two rather than over an entire year.
    In their second experiment, the Tel Aviv University team repeated the first, but with the addition of an antibiotic, which killed the bacteria and eliminated the specific mate preference. The mating process became random, with no dietary influence.
    In subsequent experiments, the researchers successfully isolated the bacterial species responsible for reproductive isolation in flies with diet-related mating preferences, and found the bacteria Lactobacillus plantarum to be present in greater numbers in starch-fed fruit flies than in sugar-fed flies. When L. plantarum was reintroduced into the antibiotic-treated flies, the preferential mating behavior resumed — proving that this bacterial species is at least partly responsible for the mating preference.
    Rewriting Darwin?
    Finally, in cooperation with Prof. Avraham Hefetz of Tel Aviv University’s Department of Zoology, the team analyzed the sexual pheromones produced by the fruit flies. There turned out to be differences in pheromone levels between the two groups of flies — differences that again disappeared after administering antibiotics.
    “The finding indicates that pheromone alterations are a mechanism by which we can identify mating preferences. We therefore hypothesize that it is the bacteria that are driving this change,” Prof. Rosenberg says. He adds that these discoveries have implications for our entire understanding of natural selection — something which may even lead to the development of a new theory of evolution.
    Disclaimer: This article is not intended to provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of ScienceDaily or its staff.
    Email or share this story:
    | ore
    Story Source:
    The above story is reprinted (with editorial adaptations by ScienceDaily staff) from materials provided by American Friends of Tel Aviv University.
    Journal Reference:
    G. Sharon, D. Segal, J. M. Ringo, A. Hefetz, I. Zilber-Rosenberg, E. Rosenberg. Commensal bacteria play a role in mating preference of Drosophila melanogaster. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2010; DOI: 10.1073/pnas.1009906107



  79.  #79Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 2:42 am

    @44: sia says:
    “… if you have any advice on how to increase sexual vibe, I would love to hear it…”

    @45: Soul Sista says:
    “…sia: i call it “pleasuring yourself”…”

    Research matters
    Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross|Women, Sex Advice, How to Orgasm, Masturbation, Relationships
    http://dodsonandross.com/

    Check out their YouTube channel too! Fabulous! 😀

    SLV



  80.  #80Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 2:43 am

    @66: LonePlum says:
    “16: Senior Lady Vibe
    …Academics studies come with practice sessions
    he he he …”

    teehee 😉

    SLV



  81.  #81Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 3:13 am

    @68: Daria says:

    “…of course we can have what we want
    cuz it already EXISTS in the store!
    i G?OT this tonite
    it was wow
    feels good! and cool! like im magic..”

    This reminds me an episode in the old PBS series, “Upstairs, Downstairs.” I believe it was “Key of the Door.” The story was set in Edwardian London; the daughter of the family becomes associated with a neo-anarchist/semi-Fabian Society type group. Hmmm, I’ve still got memory! That award-winning series was produced in the 1970s!

    The series is on DVD and probably available at everyone’s local public library. It’s very intriguing. And it often illustrates the axiom
    “the more things change, the more they stay the same” regarding relationships, and society as a whole. But at the same time, paradoxically, we’ve come a long, long way…

    SLV



  82.  #82Rosa on December 4, 2010 at 3:15 am

    Hi Deb ,

    I am pleased to see you stepping back and BREATHING a little . Excitement feels so GOOD , but it is exactly this vibe of setting him in the middle of your life that a guy can feel. So many of them withdraw due to “pressure” the minute they feel it.

    Whilst it would be great if a fabulous guy steps up with the ring after a couple of months , the reality is I would need a lot longer getting to know him to feel comfortable.

    Rori’s tools enable you to really get to know a man without pressure. he just knows that although you may see a lot of him and be sexually exclusive this is NOT the same as an engagement. And he CANNOT expect to have you all to himself and cut off your options unless he is offering you the whole loaf.

    If you know WHAT you WANT , that is the key to getting it. Note this a relationship , a future and not a particular man to share it.
    (see the Miracle questions link above- I found it a brilliant exercise for clarifying what i WANT )
    I do really seem to get this now , I wish i knew these tools years ago!!!

    If you keep coming back to the one man over and over in your head , LEAN BACK , and do the One hundred men exercise of Rori’s , and date date date. Shag sounds great as a CD . But you need more CD’s in the rotation. Try internet perhaps? And certainly showing the newly single around is PERFECT for a CD.

    I am wondering have you made a “No Girlfriend ” speech yet? If not this could be your best move to depressurise the situation perhaps.

    ” I feel great here with you tonight.
    It felt so special when we talked about dating longer term. It would feel terrific to get to know you more and build on what we have.

    But you know i dont feel like being a girlfriend.

    It feels awkward putting this in words. You know I love being with you and I am sexually exclusive with you . But it feels important to me to keep my options open until such time as I meet the man who i will marry.

    I dont want you to feel any pressure and you can take as long a time as you need this way till you know what you want from this relationship.

    Meanwhile I would feel comfortable meeting people for coffee or lunch dates and keeping things pressure free and my options open. What do you think? ”

    This is something Rori has posted often about ..I think the CD’ing will really help you keep this man around long enough to get to know you and for you both to know if you want more.

    This requires you to face your fears that he will leave..HE WONT. he will likely grumble as Rori says , and its ONLY GRUMBLING. He will likely come more strongly towards you ..

    many Sirens have experienced this and posted their stories here.



  83.  #83Rosa on December 4, 2010 at 3:27 am

    Hey Daria ,

    I loved the Miracle Question. I have been applying it to work , money , family as well as relationship stuff.

    Its very powerful .
    I have realised how often i tell myself (unconsciously) that I cant do or have some things .
    “and you know you cannot fail” …hmmm ..I am really trying to imagine all the things my mind hasnt thought of yet. that I could be, do and have if I could not fail…

    That is so challenging, to think up all the things my limiting beliefs have shut down…especially with men!!!! And money .



  84.  #84Rosa on December 4, 2010 at 3:31 am

    SLV – great link thanks!!
    I have been very worried and fearful since my diagnosis about losing my sexual vibe.

    I am 50 yrs and had to stop HRT on cancer diagnosis (and yes the sweats are horrible frequently at night).

    I fear becoming dried up and crusty and uninterested. It feels so sad when i hear women who say they have lost sexual interest and they dont care anymore and they dont miss it cause they really DONT CARE.

    Any Sirens who have faced this fear or who are happy to discuss aging and sexuality I would love to read your posts.



  85.  #85Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 3:50 am

    @82: Rosa says:
    “SLV – great link thanks!!
    I have been very worried and fearful since my diagnosis about losing my sexual vibe. ”

    You’re welcome. I eagerly await each Friday video. Betty is 82! And she’s something else… just about as sexy as her 30-something former lawyer/business partner. People think they are lovers…they are not. They are so funny…they call themselves “dickmatized.” LOL

    Such a zest for life. I don’t agree with all of their philosophies but looking at Betty gives me the idea I can have fun now and also have lots of years to look forward to.

    When you get to YouTube look up the video on
    “How Big is a Big Penis?” 😆

    SLV
    P.S. I thought everyone was still sleeping…it was so quiet over here…I posted a few and then went ‘net surfing.



  86.  #86Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 4:02 am

    82: Rosa says:

    “I am 50 yrs and had to stop HRT on cancer diagnosis (and yes the sweats are horrible frequently at night).”

    Ha! You’re a baby…

    I never had estrogen replacement or supplementation although I did use a little progesterone cream during peri-menopause. HRT usually refers to the hormone pharmaceutical concoctions; they are medicinal rather than supplements. I wouldn’t take them unless I had extreme discomfort as they are medicines and foreign to my body.

    I did much research years ago and learned all the hormone precursors and their paths and benefits of 17-beta estradiol, all of that but never worked out hormone routine for myself so…never supplemented. I keep threatening too but haven’t…I probably should for health reasons..maybe later. Thanks for reminding… I have to rebuild my body as an aid to CD …and mostly for me…

    I’d have to do a whole lot of reading to refresh and bring myself up to date, of course now a decade later the medical profession is kind of catching up so things could go better for me.

    SLV



  87.  #87Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 4:38 am

    @80: Rosa says:

    “…LEAN BACK , and do the One hundred men exercise of Rori’s , and date date date…”

    What is the “100 men exercise?”

    Rosa, you disappeared…so I hope you are spending some time with Carlin and Betty. The podcasts are fab too, the ones about them; I didn’t get into the adult entertainers.

    SLV



  88.  #88LonePlum on December 4, 2010 at 6:07 am


  89.  #89Rosa on December 4, 2010 at 6:08 am

    Oh SLV ..I was kind of stuck on The Roman God from the Pirelli calendar …great site.I might be here all night!

    The exercise goes something like this ..

    Imagine men coming towards you , 100 men , with gifts in hand , smiling and coming towards you with flowers , jewellery , money , air tickets , anything , feel what you feel perhaps some fear . Imagine accepting their gifts , receiving and being open and taking their ENERGY and then turn and throw it all out the window , into the wider world , into your projects , work , dreams , studies..

    So the gifts are streaming into your hands from these glorious men as energy and gifts and you are streaming it back out of your open heart and into the world and all your hearts desires , back out through the window.. something like that anyway…!!

    Its great for feeling yourself at centre of a ton of mens energy , receiving with open heart and all the great things you can do with that..

    Correct me please someone If I forgot some of it



  90.  #90Katnina on December 4, 2010 at 7:11 am

    Hello Sirens!
    I went to my friend E’s engagement party last night, and I am pretty sure phishman likes me! Now we just have to see if he does anything about it :).

    I was talking with a guy who is a friend of a friend, practicing leaning back & listening at level 2 and I didnt even notice when phishman walked into the room. i then felt my energy being pulled to the bar- and there he was, looking at me! i smiled at him and then continued my conversation. that guy left and I went over to the bar to get another glass of champagne and phishman was there talking with my E’s fiance and he said hi and we started chatting and i was leaning with my back against the bar and i could feel him leaning towards me, it was so cool!

    then E came over to talk with us for a bit and then a friend i hadnt seen in a long time came over and I started talking with her and we moved over a bit to have some privacy and i could FEEL phishman’s energy coming towards me and i just opened up and received it.

    later i was chatting with other people and phishman came over to say goodbye to me and i was so distracted helping my friend with something (and very tipsy) that i didnt really say a proper goodbye. i realized a minute later that he was still saying goodbye to people and i went over to say goodbye (i leaned forward here i know) and he kissed my cheek and hugged me hard. I think there were drunken comments made about him contacting me but im not sure who said what and i hope i didnt lean too forward but if i did so be it, like Pink! says, “I’m still a rockstar.”

    E’s fiance says “the weirder he is around you, the more he likes you” (they are very close friends) and he was being really weird!
    I feel like I am in middle school. and that makes me feel kind of giddy.

    And now I really want to DO SOMETHING (like text him), but I am choosing to DO NOTHING because i know I will feel better that way.
    I’m learning!

    my afternoon date for today texted me last night with where to meet him and I’m going to 2 tree trimming parties tonight, so I am going to be very busy and therefore less likely to lean forward.
    now, if only this hangover would go away….
    lots of love and a beautiful day & night to each of you,
    Kat



  91.  #91tinque on December 4, 2010 at 7:17 am

    Rosa – A large part of my work is a woman’s sexuality. In my experience sex can be and had been for me increasingly wonderful in all way. I’m still finding new things my body is able to do sexually. She continues to surprise me and have me in awe, and it all feels so good.

    I know of and recommend many different herbs and natural supplements to peri and post menopausal women to ease symptoms and boost a flagging libido. It can take some experimentation to find what works best for you.

    My favorites are a combination of black cohosh and chasteberry/vitex. Damiana is great as is red clover and ginseng (siberian). Mexican wild yam can be good for easing hot flashes.

    Saw palmetto can be good for boosting sexual feelings. Maca is awesome too.

    These are the ones which come to mind readily. If you would like more info, let me know.

    xxoo



  92.  #92tinque on December 4, 2010 at 7:17 am

    sia – masturbation = PLAYTIME

    xxoo



  93.  #93Lucy on December 4, 2010 at 7:21 am

    Shannon called it a “onesome” — I like that 🙂



  94.  #94Turtle Girl on December 4, 2010 at 8:18 am

    Rosa#82

    Have you asked your doctor about bio identicals? I have taken them for ten years and they are awesome.

    They are hormones made from women, not horses and they are exactly identical to your own hormones. So-a lot better if one is going to take them. I have had no side effects at all. My body after ten years has naturally not needed as much as I started on because I am long since done with my period. But I still take a really low dose on occasions. I order them from Canada and they are only about 25.00 a month. More insurance companies will not ppy for them because they drug companies don’t make any money off them. So I just buy them out of pocket. I get a six months supply and get a discount.

    I would never take Premera or whatever the name is that’s made from the hormones of pregnant mares. Uh, no thank you. Not in this body.

    Anyway just an FYI. It’s a very personal decision and every woman is different.



  95.  #95Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 9:18 am

    @86: LonePlum says:

    Tales Of Mere Existence: What Would Penis Do?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXmPFJqTHKo&feature=channel

    Being “penisly.” ROFL 😆

    SLV



  96.  #96LonePlum on December 4, 2010 at 9:25 am

    ha ha ha
    As Rori says: be yourself, don’t pretend :p



  97.  #97Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 9:33 am

    92: Turtle Girl says:
    “..Rosa#82
    Have you asked your doctor about bio identicals? I have taken them for ten years and they are awesome.
    I order them from Canada and they are only about 25.00 a month. ..”

    I’m interested. Could you share your Canadian source?

    Are you in the U.S.? I just saw a U.S. online source but I haven’t followed up, they will ship an 80/20 estriol/estradiol low dose cream. I haven’t followed up but suspect the cost is way more than what you mentioned for that unless you are taking generic pill. Is the $25 for both estrogen AND progesterone? Are you on a cycling routine or taking both every day?

    I haven’t decided what I think about estriol in that ratio either, or any bi-est really, mostly thinking go for the gold, 17-beta estradiol, but the bi-est might be OK, safe etc etc.

    If you are getting a big pharma bio patch that would be great! Please tell me more. Sorry to be bubbling with so many questions.

    SLV
    it’s sleevarino…



  98.  #98Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 9:34 am

    I must be running low on hormones today.



  99.  #99Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 9:37 am

    Sorry for the typo, TG. I got excited and didn’t look for typos before I posted. Looks OK now so I don’t have to slink off in shame as, uh, you know I do sometimes… 😳

    SLV
    While we are on the subject…
    I think I’ll be sexy lady today… 😀



  100.  #100Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 9:40 am

    @94: LonePlum says:

    “ha ha ha
    As Rori says: be yourself, don’t pretend :p ”

    Well, in that case, Plum. Today I will be thinking “pretty clitty.” 😯

    SLV



  101.  #101LonePlum on December 4, 2010 at 9:47 am

    lol

    Are you saying your clit leads your decisions?



  102.  #102Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 9:47 am

    @87: Rosa says:

    “Oh SLV ..I was kind of stuck on The Roman God from the Pirelli calendar …great site.I might be here all night!”

    I didn’t see that, lately I’ve only been looking at the weekly videos. I’m going to get a coffee and fortify myself with caffeine, then return to seek the Roman God, tee hee 😆

    Rosa, it you stay on that site too long you will be overly vibed… 😀 But I don’t think we need to worry about you losing anything… 😆

    SLV



  103.  #103Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 9:50 am

    @99: LonePlum says:

    lol
    Are you saying your clit leads your decisions?

    Nope, I’m a girl so I’m smarter than that… but it doesn’t give one pause to consider some things a little longer… 😆

    SLV



  104.  #104LonePlum on December 4, 2010 at 9:54 am

    101: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    ***Nope, I’m a girl so I’m smarter than that***

    Piiiiuuuffffff I feel relieved, you got me worried for a second 😉



  105.  #105Darling Ella on December 4, 2010 at 9:54 am

    SLV:

    Gosh, I am trying to find the Joy Behar show on unusual sex partnership (or something like that)…It was soo interesting…

    One woman guest was leaving with two men…and considering them both partners…:) She was my hero 🙂

    The other woman guest, was a lady in her 70s – looking fabulous i might say…her story really touched me…cause she was married for over 20 years, her ex left her for someone else – she was in her 40s …; her journey to experience sex they way she is …is remarkable…she now has up to 20 years younger dates and she apparently enjoys her life to the fullest…:)

    I will still search for that show…Joy Behar Show…

    Warm hugs and Cheers with coffee 🙂



  106.  #106Darling Ella on December 4, 2010 at 10:04 am

    SLV:

    Gosh, here it is…:)

    Can u think yourself into an orgasm?

    http://www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/showbiz/2010/07/29/behar.think.orgasm.hln.html

    Hugs,



  107.  #107Darling Ella on December 4, 2010 at 10:11 am

    SLV:

    I noticed the segment doesn’t have the other ladies stories included…could not find the whole show…

    but, i found this video about one of the guests 🙂

    http://health.discovery.com/videos/strange-sex-cougar-advice.html



  108.  #108Soul Sista on December 4, 2010 at 10:17 am

    morning ladies! might spark some controversy with this one…

    goin’ on 2nd date with new guy today..he has offered me to stay in his vacant duplex until i leave (he lives an hour away with his kids) and is setting it up for me with a TV..i don’t care about TV but i’m taking it because he feels good about giving it and making me comfortable..

    i haven’t mentioned it yet but the heating system at the Goddess Temple is broken and the city gave us and the owner 30 days to fix..30 days is up so we have to move out. now, i’m leaving in 2 weeks to be with my mom so this is just a temporary…i planned on “squatting” here at the Temple for 2 weeks with an electric heater, but he offered..i didn’t even think about asking, i was just updating him what was going on and when i was leaving..and he is an honorable guy…and i feel the offer is one of HONOR..which brings me to my next point…

    i am a lady of grace…i don’t do cowards any more…they can’t even come into my sphere of awareness…it is a privilege for a man to exercise his honor and bravery on my behalf.

    discuss. LOL!



  109.  #109Simply Shannon on December 4, 2010 at 10:21 am

    Thinking myself into an orgasm… Wow. I’d never leave home! LOL! Irony is that I was wondering about that today. And voila, here it is. Yes I’d love to have yummy onesome orgasms all the time. And yummy partner orgasms all the time. Count me in! 😉

    I feel smiley. I know my body can do this. Yes, more please! Very thankful for body power and my ability to unlock my body more and more.

    In interesting Simply Shannon show news, I’ve got a date tomorrow. Woot woot! Unbelievable how many guys are responding to my profile saying it’s the best they’ve ever read and wanting to find out how they can audition for leading man. Feels so good! The guy I’m going out with tomorrow is a take charge kind of man. Love it. I feel excited.

    Daria, any other revelations about the Erika thing? I had the same reaction/feelings. When I read your post about money being just a receipt, that resonated with me too. Yet I do feel angry that Erika is charging us for it. I feel stuck on this one. I feel happy she is pursuing her purpose and able to live off her purpose. Confused… I don’t want to feel that way about a fellow siren.

    Siena, if you’re out there, any words of wisdom about the Erika situation? I know you’ve spoken about creating a vessel. And since you also are fulfilling your life purpose and charging money for it, do you have any thoughts around this? I’d love to hear your view. You seem to be handling the money issue very well. Can you see something in me that I can’t see?

    Ok, must run. Blessings and love, Shannon



  110.  #110Simply Shannon on December 4, 2010 at 10:23 am

    Soul Sista, I feel happy that you will have a place to stay that is warm and cozy!



  111.  #111thirtyseven on December 4, 2010 at 10:25 am

    i have read everything i can find here about dealing with bf’s ex. i still can’t deal with bf’s ex. she has been an issue since we started dating in september, and everything between us is always perfectly awesome until something re:her pops up.

    i started off back then telling bf that it makes me feel uncomfortable to be around her, when she is still so *friendly* with him and touchy and cutesy and super attention seeking behavior. she is also half his age. i never made any demands of him, i only told him how it made me FEEL, and he said he would fix it. he did. without my having to ask and only because he cares about me, he stopped getting together with her weekly, he stopped the [platonic] sleepovers, and he told me he “set boundaries/guidelines with her and everything is good”. does he just simply like the attention? all i know is that i don’t know anyone who has an ongoing rapport like that with their ex. i wonder how the new girl would handle it. i wonder how i could better handle it.

    but here we are 4 months later and it still gets under my skin. i met bf for dinner last night and was greeted with ~an amusing anecdote~ about how her nipple fell out of the costume she was wearing in a promo shoot that he filmed using her 2 days ago….. her characters costume is cut so low that with all her big-boob-bouncing about, she noticed afterwards that her nipple is showing in the video. and this promo has already been given to the client, as well as uploaded to his youtube and facebook page. blech. this makes me feel……. gross. disgusted. embarrassed that she is bouncing around half naked on MY BF’S facebook page. embarrassed that my bf is pimping out his exes rack to make money. sickened at the idea of his male friends making guy comments about her rack. it totally put a wet blanket on my attraction to him last night. i also feel curious about her character/role being so highly sexualized, so suggestive……. yet the main reason they split after 3 yrs was because their sex life was horrible/non-existent and she pushed him away and said NO! every time he tried to initiate sex. she wanted all the benefits of having him – a good man – but didn’t want to sleep with him or even just compromise once in a while to make him happy. it was a dealbreaker for him, he ended it. AND, WE have a FANTASTIC sex life. we have a fantastic relationship. we have a deep level connection that i’m certain surpasses whatever the hell he had with her. i trust him completely. this is not about trust. i just. can’t. stand. her. presence. and i don’t know how to change that about myself. i’m not even giving air time to the nasty voices…….. i know it is me that he loves. i know that he wants to be with me. i know that he is blind/innocent even to the fact that it will upset me to hear about the 2 of them giggling on the phone when she realized her nipple is showing in the video. i feel like, why do other people get to have “normal” realtionships in which their bfs are not filming 70’s style mock porn promo spots starring their ex girlfriend? i don’t even want to log on to facebook today because i’m sick to even see all the comments on his page about her tits. i feel disgusted.

    i left dinner last night, sent him a text saying i didn’t feel good, i just wanted to be alone, and that hearing about her nipple ruined my dinner. our chemistry was *off* the entire time. he texted back that he felt awful about the situation and would talk to me about it tomorrow (today) but i don’t know………….. it’s just this recurring discussion we have every so often about her, and i don’t feel like having it again. i feel disgusted. i feel bored. i feel deserving of more. i also feel like i’m being a big prude bc it makes me feel icky. i want 100%. i feel like i have to love him as he is and not expect or want any change……. so it’s either accept that she is in his life & she is his friend & coworker and will continue to be…… or decide that the whole thing is a dealbreaker, no matter how unreasonable it is. is it unreasonable??? i feel afraid that my feelings are unreasonable. i remember daria once said tolerate nothing!! and i don’t want to tolerate ANYTHING that makes me feel bad!! he tells me he loves me, he acts like he loves me, and i do love him, very much. but how do i avoid having this same one singular effing broken record dissonance about her over and over until we die?

    rori said there are 2 types of women – those who can handle other women in their mans life, and those who can’t. she stated that she is the latter. i am also the latter. i can deal with casual female friends, of course, but ex lovers who are still that involved….. it’s too close for my comfort. if the tables were turned he would HATE my having interaction with my ex’s c*ck, putting it up on my facebook and then getting applause about it from my friends. BLECH i feel classless even typing that!!!

    im sorry this is long. this is the only place i can come to read and grow and apply new tools to my life. i’ve learned so much from you women here that i cannot even ask my girlfriends for advice anymore!!



  112.  #112Soul Sista on December 4, 2010 at 10:28 am

    simply shannon ~ i feel happy, too…and taken care of



  113.  #113Darling Ella on December 4, 2010 at 10:33 am

    Oh, I think all these guests are from TLC Strange Sex…

    Here is some more links about the subject…

    http://www.examiner.com/ny-in-new-york/hattie-wiener-and-strange-sex-top-5-cougar-love-sex-dating-lifestyle-lessons-from-hattie-video



  114.  #114Darling Ella on December 4, 2010 at 10:37 am

    Thirtyseven: #109

    I feel and relate to your story…I have nobody to talk to ab my situation no more either…I feel ridiculous for doing so…:(

    Also about the exes…:( Like you, I am building my boundaries again and stand by my feelings…

    Welcome 🙂

    Warm hugs, Ella



  115.  #115Darling Ella on December 4, 2010 at 10:46 am

    Soul Sista…

    I feel happy to feel u happiness 🙂

    Warm hugs,



  116.  #116Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 10:48 am

    102: LonePlum says:
    “…101: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    ***Nope, I’m a girl so I’m smarter than that***
    Piiiiuuuffffff I feel relieved, you got me worried for a second …”

    OOPS RE-WRITE
    Due to typo my original doesn’t make sense… oooooops 😳

    SHOULD BE:

    101: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    @99: LonePlum says:

    lol
    Are you saying your clit leads your decisions?

    Nope, I’m a girl so I’m smarter than that… but it does give one pause to consider some things a little longer…

    SLV
    ————————

    Anyway, Plum I think you got the meaning of it. I might think about it but I don’t DO things in a Penisly way. teehee. Mostly… 😆

    SLV



  117.  #117Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 10:54 am

    103: Darling Ella says:

    “I will still search for that show…Joy Behar Show…
    Warm hugs and Cheers with coffee…”

    Warm hugs and cheers to you too. I don’t watch TV much anymore. Are those segments on the Internet? Do you remember the date? I only remember Joy Behar from “The View.” Was it that show or another TV program?

    If you find it, let us know. I would like to watch it if it’s online.

    SLV



  118.  #118Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 10:56 am

    Oh DE

    I didn’t read down far enough!!! I’ll go watch now and be back later.

    Thank you.

    SLV



  119.  #119Darling Ella on December 4, 2010 at 11:11 am

    Hello Sirens,

    Here is my fb page address. If any of you want to join me, send me a friend request with a short note that reminds me who you are 🙂

    http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/darling.ellaf

    Warm hugs,



  120.  #120sia on December 4, 2010 at 11:20 am

    Thank you Soul Sista, Lucy, SLV, Dorothea, Daria, Tinque

    I like onesome and playtime. I will check the link later, I have too slow a connection to watch videos, so I download this kind of stuff furtively at work and then watch it at home of course.

    Daria, i am not disappointed at Erika, I was not surprised getting some ‘price goes up’ info right after the call, was expecting it. She doesn’t know participating sirens well, so whatever.
    But to share something which feels awful in that line – I know a guy who is doing houses – fixing them up – and he did his mom’s kitchen over one weekend, and she paid him full price, material and work. Rationale (from her): he was losing time for other paying jobs. I don’t know whether this has to do anything with anything, but she adopted him and raised him as a single middle class parent.

    I don’t know if I ever will feel non-judgemental on stuff like this. I read about genocide and other very extreme stuff, but it is hearing about this kind of small everyday thing when I think straight away – evil. And shiver.

    I am feeling totally freaked out reading about having to pay medical bills. And protective of sirens with serious problem who have to worry extra about money.



  121.  #121Soul Sista on December 4, 2010 at 11:33 am

    sia ~ our fake government took my money, i lost my job, took away my license for a family law contract i signed while under duress 20 years ago…but i’m GLAD it happened because now i know the truth about the commerce system and the fake government – and i’m out of the Matrix now.

    once you see the truth of what is going on with these structures then you are back in your POWER – just like Sirens and men.



  122.  #122Daria on December 4, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Sia – well she knows me. Maybe not well but whatever.

    And every other practitioner offers free downloads of the calls to a participant

    And realizes that the call and healing is a Shared endeavor by practitioner participant.

    But this is nit about Erika. She has a right to do whatever she wants, and I am triggered.

    I don’t understand money the way she does probably.

    I kinda expected this to happen too.

    I just feel very triggered by it. And judgemental, and treated coldly… I feel separate from, disrespected and left out in the cold.

    I mean really she didn’t have to offer the free teleclass in the firstplace.

    I just feel mad that now however she’s selling a recording of me crying and not giving me a copy of it.

    I dono.

    I dono wat triggers me… But it does. I feel very turned off judgemental armored up defense.



  123.  #123Daria on December 4, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    Soul sista – so do you actually send letters to banks to discharge debt? I am possibly gonna go for bankruptcy and want to find more about the discharge debt option from someone who understands it firsthand



  124.  #124Daria on December 4, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    Soul sista – yes! I feel soexcited that your cd is offeringvu a place to live, by yourself… This is just what I’d love a man to provide for me right now… So excited



  125.  #125Daria on December 4, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Thirty-seven – I see this as split in two parts.. Ok three

    One – most important – it’s vital to Circular Date.
    Until you have the forever commitment and relationship you want. This in itself will clarify things for you.

    Two – yes this man and his choices might bit feel good.

    Three – judgements about sexuality feel bad… Well to me they do… Class and no class and all that… It might feel better to explore non judging and heal the triggers on this subject ( separately from the ex situation… That might feel bad anyways)

    But Cd is how to clarify and do all this.



  126.  #126Nikita on December 4, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/observing-dating-conventions-gets-you-more-love-a-note-to-men/#comments

    478: Erika Awakening says:

    Hey Ladies,

    I’m feeling excited for our call today. I’ll be in sessions most of the day with very little free time, so if you need to get in touch with me, please do so NOW at Erika@ ErikaAwakening.com

    A few important notes:

    1. A number of women have asked me: “If I’m not able to make it for the call today, will it be available by audio?” The answer is yes, I will make it available on my website for a modest fee, likely $29.97, to cover technological and other costs. It remains free for anyone who joins us live today at 2 pm PST. Thank you for your support and your understanding that the recording with not be free due to the large amount of time investment and technological investment that goes into something like this

    2. Some women have noticed finding “excuses” for why they are not able to be on the call or not able to participate despite making a prior commitment to participate … and I really invite you to challenge yourself here … HBR is a powerful healing technology. At the risk of triggering some people here, the ego does not want you to get healed. It will therefore put up all kinds of obstacles to prevent you from receiving healing, EVEN WHEN IT’S FREE.

    The best antidote to this is to practice what Rori teaches about SINKING INTO YOUR FEELINGS. Feel the heart fluttering, feel the part of you that wants to run, and STAY PRESENT. If you are able to face the fear directly, it will dissolve, and your feelings of self-consciousness and “I can’t do this, it’s too vulnerable” will disappear. If you run away from the fear, it will continue to run your life. And I really ask you to go deep with this and be more honest with yourself than you’ve ever been before …

    Look forward to you being on the call.

    Barb, it is perfectly fine to listen in without speaking, so not having a microphone is okay. For those feeling a lot of fear coming up, I highly recommend you just listen in and remember to TAP because that will dissolve the fear.

    Again, yes, the audio recording will be made available afterward as a product for a modest fee, so if you wanted the free call, please do whatever it takes to be there at 2 pm PST.

    Love,
    Erika

    Sunday, 19 September 2010 @ 8:36am



  127.  #127Daria on December 4, 2010 at 2:00 pm

    yes well.. i DID make it to the call.

    As you deliberately look for positive aspects in others who surround you, you will train your Vibrational propensity into increasing improved Vibrations. So it does not matter how many negative thoughts you have thought before, or how long you have been negatively focused. You can deliberately focus—right now—on an im…provedthought. – Abraham

    ok
    so i feel unahppy with this yes

    judgements are my own

    they are not actually about Erika

    just about what’s triggered in me

    this is healthy for me to examine my own self

    and i feel angry nonetheless



  128.  #128Nikita on December 4, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    Daria,

    when the call happened I was under the impression it was going to be given* to those that participated and sold* to those that did not participate. I feel pretty bummed that doesn’t seem to be what the arrangement was. I misunderstood the wording I guess.



  129.  #129Daria on December 4, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    oh yeah she did say it remains free for anyone who joins us

    ugh i feel mad…

    this is such a big trigger yay for learning

    i intend to LEARN



  130.  #130Dorothea on December 4, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    i’m not sure if someone blatantly lying is so much just a trigger. sometimes people just freaking lie. no personal triggers can change that fact.

    has anyone written her asking about it? maybe she just forgot.



  131.  #131Daria on December 4, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    i use Everything as a trigger. ie… someone lying triggers me to feel bad… but it doesn’t HAVE to…

    it’s triggering My bad feelings from past events

    i did not write to her

    i feel scared to do so

    i feel urge to beat myself up for feeling scared to do so

    and i’m not gonna beat myself up anyway

    love me and all my parts no matter what they do



  132.  #132Daria on December 4, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    “The best antidote to this is to practice what Rori teaches about SINKING INTO YOUR FEELINGS. Feel the heart fluttering, feel the part of you that wants to run, and STAY PRESENT. If you are able to face the fear directly, it will dissolve, and your feelings of self-consciousness and “I can’t do this, it’s too vulnerable” will disappear. If you run away from the fear, it will continue to run your life.”

    Erika above



  133.  #133Daria on December 4, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    that feels inspiring…

    practiced a moment of it



  134.  #134The Nikita Show on December 4, 2010 at 3:15 pm

    Mmm…I feel embarassed about the misunderstanding.

    I feel silly.

    I feel scared that I’m being petty.

    This triggers –

    When a man says he’ll call

    And doesn’t

    I think – oh,

    I misunderstood.

    Or when he proposed and then a week later said….

    I was kidding.

    Oh, I misunderstood.

    I don’t know how to feel when that happens.

    But my default is to shrug my shoulders and go, “ouch”…but “ok “….., everyone has free will….. I guess I misunderstood.

    And that feels…..like….,

    numbing-

    no va caine



  135.  #135Dorothea on December 4, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    hmm maybe i just got bored with my erika triggers. to me it feels simple, like, well i guess i won’t be getting a copy of that (cuz i’m not going to buy it when i was told it wouldn’t cost anything). i leave the rest up to God/Karma/Whatever.



  136.  #136tinque on December 4, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    Nikita – No I don ‘t think you did misunderstand. The way I read this and right from the beginning is that the rules/offers were changed. It doesn’t feel like integrity to me. If I had been involved, and e-mail would be warranted.
    xxoo



  137.  #137Turtle Girl on December 4, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    SLV_

    I just popped in for a moment to catch up on the blog.
    As far as my hormones, it’s not a pill. It’s a cream and they come in large type hypodermic needle things without the needle. hard to explain. It’s measured tubes and you just squirt out .10 a day or whatever for the dosage. I have a prescription from my doctor and it’s a Canadian pharmacy. I will go and look up the script for you and tell you exactly the dosage in another post, but I have plans this evening so will do that tomorrow for you. I will get the name of the pharmacy and everything. All you will have to do is get your doc to agree to letting you have them. Which, if you don’t have heart problems or something else that would rule you out, then it should be cool. xxoo



  138.  #138Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 4:09 pm

    @135: Turtle Girl says:
    “..SLV_I just popped in for a moment to catch up on the blog.
    As far as my hormones, it’s not a pill. It’s a cream and they come in large type hypodermic
    needle things without the needle. hard to explain…”

    Thanks, TG! Have fun while you are out; I’m back at home and in for the evening. Re: the delivery system, I understand what you mean. I wondered if you were having it compounded or something ready made, as in a patch.

    Since you have prescription, did you consider compounding pharmacies in U.S. or are you in Canada? I get so many spam e-mails purporting to be from Canadian pharmacies but the domains always have Russian extensions… 😯

    Sleevarino 😀



  139.  #139Daria on December 4, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    well we all have a right to change our mind 🙂

    that doesn’t mean anyone has to like it

    i do admire this put self first thingy

    im feeling more chill now

    i’m open to all the purchasers healing from my crying for free from me

    well that feels like im making myself less

    and i dont want to

    i mean, i did participate in a program lead by a practitioner

    so it’s not like I am the one who organized and led it

    i would feel satisfied with a copy

    and i feel weird without a copy

    hmm



  140.  #140Daria on December 4, 2010 at 4:15 pm

    “it is a privilege for a man to exercise his honor and bravery on my behalf.”

    WOOOHOOOO!!!!



  141.  #141Daria on December 4, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    I saw Dolly Parton speak on TV and she sounded and seemed lovely and sexy!



  142.  #142Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 4:55 pm

    @Daria, Nikita, et al

    Re: the webinar, teleclass whatever it was. I wasn’t there so don’t know what it was but I read Nikita’s post and I’ve attended yea many webinar type thingies, and I know Internet Marketing.

    From what I read of the Nikita post there was no changing of mind. Erika offered participation at no cost but anyone who wanted a recording of the event would be charged. If I had read that I would have known from the get go.

    Now…that being said, the usual way these things go down is… the producer of the call has all rights to the recordings and those rights are extended to the others participating on the call as “presenters” or “interviewees.”

    In essence, the event is a JV (joint venture) and the participants usually one, two, three, four who are interviewed get a recording and usually some distribution rights so they can give or sell to their subscribers. These things are agreed in advance. The content of the call IS the interview with those interviewed.

    There is also another kind of interviewee: those that participate in Q&A AFTER the main presentation. During the actual event they are in “listen only mode.” They are not JV partners, AND recordings of the events usually do not include their questions nor the answers to them, as they are not part of the presentation or content.

    So, I don’t know how your “participation” fit into the program but if the content was mostly me being interviewed, I’d be pissed! if I didn’t at least get a free recording even if I didn’t also get distribution rights. Seems only fair. And yeah, I’d want distribution rights too especially if I was the only one or two being interviewed. Or I’d settle for some pitch of my own product to be included in the recording.

    But if I were part of a larger group making a major contribution to the content, then I’d expect at least a free recording (if I were on it) even though only producer could SELL it.

    Most people are smart enough to take good care of their JV partners, if that’s what you were. Because what goes around, comes around…

    Hope you are not too upset. This might kind of backfire on Erika because others might not be as willing to participate the next time.

    SLV
    P.S. EMK had teleclass a few nights ago. I logged in but was having birthday day dinner for son and only heard EMK say “hello etc” I set up my online recorder but wouldn’t you know…it failed. It seemed to me that most of the EMK content was his PPT presentation but a goodly part was also audience participation.

    Far as I know he didn’t make recording available. Do you think it might be because of the “participants” supplying content? I’m wondering about that now.

    Of course problem would be solved if EMK just made a recording and everyone could hear it online for free. But so far I don’t see one… I’m disappointed.



  143.  #143Rosa on December 4, 2010 at 8:18 pm

    Re the HRT discussion, I have been menopausal for 8 yrs a(since 42) and used bioidenticals (which may well be a contributing factor to the cancer as the absorption is highly variable and altered by body temperature etc) and oestradiol patch with intrauterine progestagen which was ok.

    Having cancer now means NIL HRT . It means even Dong quai , chasteberry and black cohosh may be unsafe due to their oestrogenic properties but this has proven difficult to research. But it makes sense not to feed cancer receptors their favourite food , estrogen and/or progesterone.

    I just would like sirens to know that herbs are potent pharmaceuticals and should be regarded as such , and that bioidenticals are not proven safe .

    So all of this means no known safe hormones or herbs. It also means SSRI antideps are the next line therapy for hot flashes and sweats . I get more depressed on them , so thats not for me either.

    Meanwhile I use meditation and mind body techniques as best i can.



  144.  #144Daria on December 4, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    But, if all you “know” comes from a book, a source separate from yourself, from other people, then no matter how correct the book or teaching is in expressing absolute or universal truth, it’s still not your recognition of who and what you are through your own realization or through your own inner revelation….It is not about living parasitically off another’s realization of truth – a priest, guru, or any sort of a middlemen’s teachings. When what you transmit comes from your own being, your own free soul; when what you know is not derivative knowledge – it carries a spirit that’s hard to explain but can clearly be seen, felt and experienced by all onlookers.

    ~Marguerite Laurent/Ezili Danto



  145.  #145Rosa on December 4, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    Thirtyseven , i was interested in your plight.

    I consider it plain inconsiderate and rude for a man to discuss his ex with me unless it is essential for some reason , and likewise I smell something yuccky around that sexual play about her peekaboo nipple, FB and his mates – it STINKS! And its even stinkier that he gloated about it to you.

    BUT , he has a right to see her , sleep with her , talk about her, adore her nipple and talk about her ad nauseum. he has a right to do exactly as he wants.
    He can be as rude and stinky as he chooses!!!!!

    So what do YOU want ?
    What is your boundary here ?
    This is about YOU , not some young babe who flashes her nipple about for the entertainment of the masses.

    I suspect its time for a Rori Raye “speech”
    starting with feeling messages , moving on to “dont wants” and then what do you think?

    eg
    ” I feel awkward and uncomfortable when you talk about her in this close and familiar sexual manner.

    I feel much better when we dont discuss our exes as that is all in the past now. I dont want to feel turned off to you and i feel turned off when another woman is clearly still in the picture. What do you think?”

    At the same time yes yes yes on the CD’ing . For YOU , you do it so YOU feel adored and happy and fulfilled. You disengage your happiness from his actions.. Get some dates NOW.

    This is for you , not to make him react or change, he has do that from his own self initiation because you are such a goddam Goddess that “Nipplette ” no longer even enters his consciousness!!!!!! You may need to be less available because you are genuinely BUSY with other dates.

    If he questions that, you need another speech , the standard , no girlfriend version..he has to know that you mean business and that means no exes if that is your boundary. You will not put up with a man who wants you as the main course and a little left over dessert to fill him up..ick.

    ” I really am looking for marriage in the long term and not just to be a girlfriend. It would feel more relaxed keeping my options open.
    I will of course be sexually exclusive with you and expect the same ,but also want to accept other dates . I dont want to pressure either of us to decide where this is going at this early stage, what do you think?”

    The fear is he may leave if you stand this ground, and if he does then that is a GOOD THING because otherwise you will go on and on feeling this awful every time he sees her or you think he does…



  146.  #146Rosa on December 4, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    I notice I am giving “advice” again like I did to Deb , this is just me working through issues from my own past and practicing Rori’s tools ..dont mean to tell you what to do 37.



  147.  #147Rosa on December 4, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    Thirthy seven

    “i feel like, why do other people get to have “normal” realtionships in which their bfs are not filming 70′s style mock porn promo spots starring their ex girlfriend? i don’t even want to log on to facebook today because i’m sick to even see all the comments on his page about her tits. i feel disgusted.”

    How exactly are you choosing this abnormal relationship then i wonder???



  148.  #148Siena on December 4, 2010 at 9:36 pm

    Hi SS! I’m lurking Tonight and saw your question about Erika charging for the recording.

    I don’t know the whole story, so I’m just gonna speak generally.

    I believe the way we react around money has everything to do with the “money story” we tell ourselves, which we learned when we were children.

    Erika charging or not charging to me is inconsequential. What I might look at is why is this a charged issue for you? When you were little, was there something around you not receiving something you thought was yours? Or maybe some sibling rivalry where you were “forced” to give up something that you thought was yours?

    I’d explore deeper than the money and try to figure out what it feels like when she charges, and then trace that back to a relationship issue that felt the same.

    Basically, I believe that money is neither good nor bad. It’s totally neutral. But we place all kinds of emotional charges around it for some reason. By identifying and releasing those charges, we can heal our relationship with money, and often the relationship that is at the heart of the issue also.

    xoxo



  149.  #149Lucy on December 4, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    Oh yes, Daria, I agree about Dolly Parton. I love her!



  150.  #150Lucy on December 4, 2010 at 9:51 pm

    Rosa, I can’t use bio-identical hormones either, bc of my ovarian cancer. My oncologist allows me to use two servings/day of plant estrogens (I use flaxseed and hummus) — and that helps a LOT.

    Egyptian cotton sheets and a fan blowing on me
    help with the night sweats.

    Dry Eye Omega fish oil helps with the dry eyes.

    Carlson’s vit E and coconut oil vaginal suppositories help strengthen and lubricate vaginal tissues.

    If I think of more tips I will let you know. It took me over a year after my surgery to feel anywhere near “good” bc of the sudden almost total lack of estrogen. If I don’t keep up with doing the things I have learned help me feel better, I go downhill really fast.

    Praying for you to discover quickly what works for you.

    <3
    Lucy



  151.  #151Lucy on December 4, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    Oh, the only safe thing that helps me sleep is ativan, which I can only use occassionally.



  152.  #152Lucy on December 4, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    I feel kinda bad. I had fun on my date with hockey man (nice dinner, hockey game, drinks afterwards)… he was nice and kind and I enjoyed being with him — MOST of the time. Part of the time (in the middle of the hockey game) I felt bored and slipped out of the moment into thinking mode and thought about how he’s just not “right” for me and I don’t feel that great with HIM — it’s ME that I’m enjoying being with — enjoying his enjoyment of ME, but not really enjoying HIM — and (don’t read if you don’t want to hear about a man I like) — I thought about how I would much rather be at that hockey game with WH bc I enjoy him so much more — am so much more attracted to him and feel good being with HIM blah blah blah …. so later when we were having drinks and I was talking on and on and he was fascinated by me and falling for me bc I was being so open, inviting, vulnerable and magical, I started feeling sad and mad, like dam*it, why do so many men like me so much, but the one i really like doesn’t want me???? It’s just so stupid and obnoxious and maddening and stupid stupid stupid!!!!!

    It just seems like it ressurrects that belief that I have been trying to get rid of: “You can’t have what you really want.”

    TN man identified that over a year ago as my “unconscious definition of love” and I just can’t seem to change the dam* thing!!!!!!



  153.  #153The Nikita Show on December 4, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    Lucy,

    I lived with a woman that Loved coffee and chocolate(and glazed donuts) she said that the coffee and sugar triggered her flashes- she said…”I know it does……”…….and she happily kept sipping and chewing her donut…..a few minutes later she was fanning herself and filling a cup with ice to take to bed…(she always had her ice cup 🙂 )

    Just sharing…..

    She wasn’t a heavy woman either, just menopausal …..



  154.  #154Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 10:36 pm

    @141: Rosa says:

    “..I just would like sirens to know that herbs are potent pharmaceuticals and should be regarded as such , and that bioidenticals are not proven safe…”

    Thanks very much for sharing your experience and information. I believe that herbs are potent medicine; I didn’t use any of those for perimenopause discomfort… I’m such a procrastinator 😆 …I just skipped it but did try progesterone cream for about a year or so.

    It may or may not have been effective; I mainly relied on dressing in thin layers to keep myself comfortable.

    Now that I think about it there were a couple of cold winters where I wore only an unlined trench coat even when there was snow. As my DDIL calls it: “having your own private summer.” 😆 😆

    I put a pretty dark colored shawl/poncho/ruana thingy on top when I was in the street and immediately took it off when I was on bus or train. It was rather chic and not as overwarming as my heavy wool overcoats.

    I’ve been menopausal for a decade… Once out of perimenopause, no hot flashes. I think I still can get overheated but actually I’ve always been that way. When I was a teen I liked to sleep with an open window, snow piling up on the window sill was Ok with me… 😆

    I suspect synthetic, but bio-identical, hormones will never be proven safe (or unsafe); however, I am fairly comfortable with the idea of supplementing with them. Even more so than with the herbs mentioned. But…I haven’t done it…except for my short bout with the progesterone.

    What do you think about testosterone supplementation? Did you use it as a part of your HRT? Some women use some to optimize libido. Could you still use a little without the estrogen/progesterone?

    I wonder what would happen to me if I did that? I would probably be insufferable… 😆 I would also probably get my body hair back. Change in hormone means I no longer have to shave my legs they are now as smooth and hairless as a baby’s butt…

    SLV



  155.  #155Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    148: Lucy says:

    “…If I think of more tips I will let you know…”

    Thanks, Lucy. More tips please. I like info on how to keep us feeling and looking good.

    Truthfully, I believe I have a much higher “sense of well-being” in menopause. Not sure why, I just do. Not that I’m not sometimes sad, annoyed, etc but all round I’m pretty much joyful even when sad which I guess makes no sense but it’s a sort of being happy with myself.

    “Dry Eye Omega fish oil helps with the dry
    eyes.”

    What are dry eyes? Do you mean skin around eyes? I’m thinking this is taken internally and not cosmetically…otherwise, hmmm kinda of fish smelling… 😯

    “Carlson’s vit E and coconut oil vaginal suppositories help strengthen and lubricate vaginal tissues.”

    Interesting, I should get on this right away. 😉 Is this one product or two?

    Lucy, are you getting these maybe in health food store or are the suppositories prescribed?

    Thanks, lots of good tips here…keep ’em coming!

    SLV



  156.  #156Rosa on December 4, 2010 at 11:43 pm

    Hi SLV
    “What do you think about testosterone supplementation? Did you use it as a part of your HRT? Some women use some to optimize libido. Could you still use a little without the estrogen/progesterone?”

    Yes I had some in my concocted bioidenticals (creams and troches )but it increased my irritability. Without E2 to balance it out it would be easy to go into excess androgens after menopause,if using testosterone and DHEA . Many women do , they become mannish in appearance , facial hair , thinning on top etc without adding any extra testosterone.

    My libido is fine thanks …wink..
    Its the lack of a partner thats the problem 🙂

    I am also going to look into Lucys tips



  157.  #157Senior Lady Vibe on December 4, 2010 at 11:57 pm

    154: Rosa says:

    “My libido is fine thanks …wink..
    Its the lack of a partner thats the problem…”

    All good then. I only brought it up because you mentioned a future concern. I’m sure you’re in better shape than I… 😀

    SLV



  158.  #158Rosa on December 5, 2010 at 12:01 am

    http://www.power-surge.com/educate/sexuality.htm

    This link has lots of tips and info re midlife sexuality , vaginal health, etc



  159.  #159Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 12:11 am

    @Rosa saya:

    “Many women do , they become mannish in appearance , facial hair , thinning on top …”

    Ah, the hair thing. I mentioned shave free legs, that’s cool but as hormones dwindled down it also affected facial hair, kind of funny…

    I have less facial hair, not that I used to be Sasquatch… but I did wax upper lip and also brows tended to “meet in a middle, strays to clean up etc.”

    Then funny, as hormone proportions changed, eyebrows sprouted some long coarse weird ones (like there most have been some androgen receptors there … just guessing… never had those hairs before like five or six of them only)…then after year or so… they disappeared… 😳 with the rest of my eyebrows and lashes. Well, I still have “some” but they are like a more like a baby’s…

    Oh, the joy…

    SLV



  160.  #160Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 12:14 am

    @Rosa

    OMG, that was my first menopause info source! Years ago. Gee, a lot of years. I first learned about Elizabeth Vliet, MD and her books. I think I should go back and reread a lot of stuff.

    SLV



  161.  #161Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 12:26 am

    Here’s a little knitted headwrap I’m thinking of trying to get me back in the “knitting mood.”

    Anthropologie Inspired Braided Headwrap
    by Jen Geigley
    http://heyjenrenee.blogspot.com/2010/10/braided.html

    It’s chunky yarn & size 13 needles and I’d really like to use worsted and size 8 or 9. I don’t want to redraft this pattern so I might give in and buy a skein of chunky something-or-other.

    SLV



  162.  #162Ella on December 5, 2010 at 7:34 am

    Ok ladies,

    Just catching up here. I’ve had a crazy week working and now back home preparing for another week of the same…

    I feel greateful that money is coming my way! 🙂

    Well I am feeling MAJORLY EXCITED – Like OMG!!!!! Mr Barman has been completely stepping up, can you believe it!!?

    So he broke off his relationship and has been organising things in his life.

    After last week’s not so great date and me telling him in feeling messages how I felt about it, he has called me every night this week while I was away working and took me out on a really special date last night. He took me for a meal and had also hunted down my favourite wine as a present.

    After the meal we went for a drink and then back to his pub where we went to the private rooms as he wanted to spend time with me away from all the other people in the pub.

    He was LOVELY and a complete gentleman the whole time and was looking after me/stepping up like you wouldn’t believe.

    Well I just kept practising my feeling messages and my RR tools, and was just me but WITH the tools!

    We had some interesting conversations including me saying I still felt shy around him sometimes. He asked if I was usually shy and I said no I am quite confident. I told him I was trying something new where rather than just always putting on a confident front I was saying how I really felt in every situation. I said I feel scared doing it sometimes but it is worth it as it makes me feel strong and means I am being completely honest.

    Well this kind of thing makes for much more interesting conversation than your average date conversation!

    Well later when we were kissing and cuddling I noticed he was no longer trying to be overly sexual with me. Well probably ini response to me saying that I felt rushed when he was being more sexual last week.

    Well I want to take it slowly as he has only just come out of being with someone else and I want to avoid the g.friend trap!

    However him not being as sexual totally triggered me!!!!!!!! Can you believe it.

    So I want him to slow down but when he does I got triggered about feeling anxious that he doesn’t want me sexually.

    This is my stuff I think. This is my fear. I think it is left over from my last relationship where my ex lost interest in me and had no interest at all in having sex with me! It made me feel like Sh*t and completely unfemine and needy.

    Well so last night Mr Barman backing off in that way triggered that stuff in me.

    So I had a choice. Say nothing and lay there feeling uncomfortable and squirmy inside OR say how I felt.

    I decided to say how I felt.

    I FELT TERRIFIED to say and nearly didn’t work up the nerve. Then I was like ‘F*ck it’ I want to do things differently, I am going to speak up.

    So I just told him how I was feeling which was anxious that he didn’t want me sexually. I said it was my stuff and I just told him the briefest thing about it being left over from issues in a previous relationship.

    He listened and said no, he does want me. He just wants to respect me by taking it slowly as he knows this is what I want.

    Well to be quite honest I still don’t feel completely ok about this. I feel very vulnerable having told him this. I feel like I am this complicated, needy problem woman, and that doesn’t feel sexy.

    I feel scared of being undesirable.

    And I feel vulnerable. Like I have shown myself now and I feel scared of rejection! 🙁 Feeling scared.

    Part of me wished I could just do the usual of putting on a front and being confident, sexy Ella. But I don’t do ‘fronts’ anymore.

    But sometimes I wish I just could still do that. It is so much easier sometimes! I want to get back to really feeling like that but isn’t there something about ‘fake it till you make it?’ I feel confused. How does that fit with being real and saying how you really feel?

    Anway, I suppose I am glad I said. But now I want to do the work to get back to actually really feeling sexy and confident again.

    I was/am, but as soon as the issue of real, intimate sex (as opposed to drunk/casual sex) comes up it opens up my vulnerable feelings again! And here are my issues again.

    I want to deal with this.

    At the moment I feel as though any guy I sleep with in a real way I am just going to kind of latch onto him like a limpet and that is how the energy feels right now. Like it was at the end with my ex… me feeling desperate and clingy. THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT.

    All kinda clingy and desperate! As I said, not sexy. Like grabbing onto my man… maybe I need to do that tool Rori uses of visualising physically holding on to my man and then letting go….

    Right now I feel even like if I were to have sex with him my vagina would kinda cling on tight, too tight like a vice. This scares me. I don’t want this. I don’t want to feel clingy/needy.

    This is back to the stuff about feeling like I have an ‘angry’ vagina! Feels weird to say this stuff so publically but this is where I am at right now and I am ready to heal this. I hope I can.

    So I think I am going to do a separate post, maybe ask for some help from Tinque and Daria, and any other Siren’s who have a view on this.



  163.  #163Ella on December 5, 2010 at 7:47 am

    Tinque, Daria and all other Siren’s can you help me with this?

    As per post above I am getting towards the point where something might happen sexually between me and Mr Barman.

    Owww, I feel scared even sayining it out loud now in case I jinx it!! See my vibe is kinda uptight around this right now.

    My fear here, and it is my stuff which I want to heal, is that I am not sexy and that he will not desire me.

    This is left over from my last relationship which was sexless with me wanting to and my ex not interested in me or sleeping with me.

    It made me feel unsexy, undesirable, needy, clingy and very unsiren like! 🙁

    Geeting close with Mr Barman is triggering all this stuff in me 🙁

    I feel like I am just going to dampen the desire of any man that gets close to me, like I can’t do it.

    I suppose these are just NV’s hanging around from situation with Mr ex. It is interesting that I never used to feel like this before that situation.

    So if anyone can offer any insights or tools to help me deal with this I will be very grateful….

    Oh, and the tight vagina thing. Right now I feel like if I were to sleep with anyone that part of my would just be like an angry vice… instead of soft and welcoming…. it’s like all the anger towards my ex and that situation is stored there like poisen! 🙁

    Doesn’t feel good! 🙁 🙁

    Maybe these voices need to be heard!

    Ok, I am going to deal with my NVs a bit now
    …………………………………………………………………………

    I hear you fear. I hear you NV saying that I am not sexy/desirable. I know you are trying to protect my heart. I hear you NV that says no man will want me.

    There is something deeper right now. Like a physical reaction and energy linked to these thoughts. I can feel my vagina tightening up just thinking of this.

    I hear you NV that says we are no longer sexy. I hear you little voice that screams that no man will want us we will just scare them away.

    here is a cookie for you… I am here now and everything is going to be ok. I will take care of all of you. Baby steps.

    Intimacy is scary and we can take a break anytime we need. Don’t have to do anything I don’t want to/am not ready for.



  164.  #164Brenda on December 5, 2010 at 8:00 am

    Darling Ella,

    RE: #21 – Oooh, that one month escape sounds so wonderful! I’m with you there! I am all about recharging now!



  165.  #165Ella on December 5, 2010 at 8:13 am

    Riffing:

    F8ck f8ck f8ck…

    I feel ANGRY!! Like F8CK YOU – F8CK YOU F8CK YOU….

    F8ck you Mr Ex, I feel furious… you stole this from me! Give it back. How dare you take my mojo! Lol mojo.

    Grrrrr, why why why.

    How does it feel>.>>>

    Feels like Grrrrr, like tight in my womb and my vagina, like clamping up, closing down. Don’t let them close…

    don’t trust them. They can’t be trusted, they will hurt you, like he did.

    He promised me everything and then left me alone when things got tough…

    How can I trust again?

    Feels sad, like drooping, dropping sad face, pain, sadness heart

    Feel lik closy, offy. Energy blocked/. No flow through vagina as soon as thoughts come.

    And that feels like squeezing vagina walls.

    And obsessing with vagina! Why why?

    Is it do with this sex issue so feeling obssessed here with this and this body part.

    Maybe too much focus? Feels afraid I can’t heal.

    Feels like vagina weeping. And feels like whole body weeping and sad/

    And scareed. Tightness – ANGER! More F You’s… and more and more pouring out cus of deepness of wound.

    Womanly parts closed, angry, like red, cross,. vice, maybe teeth! Lol.

    Biting, squeezing, red, cross angry. cling on…

    and that feels like tight in shoulders and head, and still holdiong on with pelvic floor.

    Like grabby, grabby hands. super cross, and angry vibe. But don’t want to grab! F you, why the heck should I garb! Don’t want you! F8ck you I said!

    But what belwo the cross? Some scared? fear, angry. a soup of fear.

    Afraid of being hurt like child.

    And that feels protective, like castle walls. And tightr anxious.

    Resistance to this feeling… but here it is – I hear ya feeling.

    You are protective.

    Maybe I need to be sure first.

    Maybe reassurance to you NV and scaredy part and tight vagina and shoulders.

    Just to be soft for me… not for him.

    I kmnow you need to trust me… that I will take care of you.

    I know what you are scared of. That we will open our heart and also vagina and let this man in and he will go like others have and we will be hurt/alone…

    of course, thats is….

    This might happen. But it’s ok! he feels love for us right now.

    BUT – I will only allow him in if I feel I can trust him and I feel safe. I will not rush. I will protect you.

    And even if that did happen we would be ok. I would take care of you. I will not abandon you.

    I will not do anything that is not good for us.

    There is no pressure here. We can take time.

    You are scared little child shutting down.

    I hear you and I am protectin you.

    It’s ok to feel tight, protective, even angry. This is where we are./ EVEN angry vagina! I accept you! Its ok, you are fine.

    I love you. I love you body, and vagina, even when you are tight/sad/upset.

    I love you.

    And that feels like warmer, more ok, maybe a little softer? Maybe not sure… feeling kinda ok, neutral.

    still tight but warmer inside tummy. Glowy a bit, just a lil like small fire embers glow.

    Is ok.

    whatever happens is fine. just fine. even when you are tight, we can work with that.

    Anger is good. Allow that feelings. Cross, tighty, tighty. squeeze! Raaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

    Rah rah rah.

    Graaaa… gra gra gra.

    Spurt forth massive anger red like volcano.

    Spew molten hot ash over ex, destroy him in molten ash. Volcano!

    Swip him with my paw. Cut him down with my Siren lightening power….

    BANG goes the anger, bang bang boo rah!

    BANG BANG BANG.

    Explosion.

    Hit things – out out out.

    and anger, exercise, physical. Holding on… and thats ok.

    we are here and is all ok.



  166.  #166Ella on December 5, 2010 at 8:34 am

    I feel like I am ‘wanting’ something from him.

    And that feels like and agenda.

    And that doesn’t feel good.

    Want to let go of any outcome Ella. Come on honey, you can do it, you are strong.

    You can choose that you will be ok NO MATTER WHAT THE OUTCOME HERE IN THIS PARTICULAR SITUATION. And that is what lets intimacy grow for you in your life.

    Never mind him or this ONE situation.

    Focus on feeling good! Loving yourself. Loving me.



  167.  #167Ella on December 5, 2010 at 9:11 am

    Owww, I feel like a thread killer!



  168.  #168Darling Ella on December 5, 2010 at 9:26 am

    Ella:

    I love your riffs…and love your self expression…I feel a bit jealous I am not as good at it as you and Daria…:)

    Please continue to share 🙂

    Hugs,



  169.  #169Golden on December 5, 2010 at 9:51 am

    Hi,
    I am new here, but i’ve been reading the posts and most of your comments lately. I still need a lot of help to lean back and practice my feeling messages.
    If Daria could help me, i saw how good she is at leaning back with the guys in conversations and how to respond.

    i finally got the will to seek advice from you ladies with more experience in this leaning back.

    Here is my situation. i’ve been seeing Mr Kool for sometime. We’ve been intimate and although he was the one who started courting me, like always, he has been more feminine energy as time goes. this made me lean forward more than often.

    ok recently, we have not been meeting cos he was away on work and i decided to experiment on this lean back thing to see if it works on him.

    he came back and posted on his fb. the old me would hv reached out to him. I didn’t call him and waited to see if he would try to contact me. he texted me on the 3rd day to say he was back and some other stuff and asked how i was? we texted back and forth and i told him it would be nice to see him cause i missed him. Yeah, so much for my leaning back.

    He said ok and when he comes back to town. (he has gone back tohis visit his parents after the working trip). He said he’ll come back 2 days time.

    the day he came back (saturday) i didnt call or text him. Lean back mode again. And today (the day we were suppose to meet) i woke up and still no text from him. the old me would hv texted to confirm our date. By noon i texted him this.

    Me : Hei
    Kool: Helloo
    Me: y so quiet? I thot you wanna go out today?
    Kool: You were quiet yourself and i didn’t think you want to go.
    Me: i was waiting for you to text me.
    Kool : Well I dunno your plans and timing for weekends. ( cos i usually work weekends). and you didnt text me, so i thot you have no plans.

    Me: Ok so let’s meet up at six then.
    Kool: But i made plans for football, If you had called me earlier, i would not have made plans.

    Me: I feel sad that i can’t see you. ( my attempt at feeling msgs)

    kool : gal, please don’t say that. I am not dying yet.

    Me: so when can we meet?

    He has not replied till now. it’s been a day. The thing is that, all this while, he prefers me planning the dates cos of my erratic work hours.

    And now I decided to see him on tuesday cos he will be on leave that day. and i know if i dont firm it up with him, i may not expect to hear from him any time soon cos he might be traveling for work again. And i do miss him sooo very much. it has been like 2 mths since we last met. But i still want to lean back. How do i go about this?

    I also think the leaning back on contacting refers mainly to new LI. But with him, it has always been me plannign the dates. But He is a gentleman in most ways for eg. he would call to make sure i reached home safely. he also does most of the manly things like carrying my things and checking my car if its in good condition. he also texts and calls me now and then.

    I just want to know if i am on the right path here.
    Hope you ladies can help me out here.

    Love,
    Golden.



  170.  #170Ella on December 5, 2010 at 10:27 am

    Darling Ella,

    Awww, thanks! 🙂



  171.  #171Ella on December 5, 2010 at 10:30 am

    Daria re 130

    Yes yes can relate to this completely.

    I had to do a lot of making myself stay present last night, even though I wanted to run, run, run….

    Good post.



  172.  #172Lakshmi on December 5, 2010 at 10:57 am

    SLV, EMK sent a link to his recording out the following day. I couldn’t make the call, but plan to listen to it. And it’s free! If you’re not on his email list, I’m sure you could contact him and have it sent to you.



  173.  #173Lucy on December 5, 2010 at 11:23 am

    SLV,

    The fish oil is capsules taken by mouth (and this brand is not at all fishy tasting) — for the actual eye, not the skin. Tear ducts have estrogen receptors, and without enough estrogen, eyes feel very dry. Mine felt gritty and painful right after my surgery — it was awful.

    Carlson’s is one product. My oncologist sent me to a naturopath to get them, but then I found them on amazon.



  174.  #174Lucy on December 5, 2010 at 11:34 am

    I feel so crappy about not having the relationship I want. I think I am really ready to give up now. I feel so angry and sad.

    Going into that date last night, I had myself convinced that I could settle — that this guy could be “good enough.” And I was completely open to him — but when it’s all said and done, I just can’t make myself settle. I can’t do it. As much as I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life, I would rather be alone than be with someone I don’t absolutely adore.

    Near the end of the hockey game there were a lot of fights btwn the players and of course the crowd loved it, but after the game I kept thinking of those fights and wishing I could just haul off and punch someone too.



  175.  #175Brenda on December 5, 2010 at 11:58 am

    (((Lucy)))

    You don’t have to settle! I was just praying in the shower for a baby for the umpteenth time, and my biological clock is seriously ticking. Right after that, I turned on TBN and the sermon was on waiting on God and the story about Elizabeth being past child-bearing years and God gave her John the Baptist. It was really encouraging for where I’m at.

    God knows how much I want to be a wife and a mother!



  176.  #176Brenda on December 5, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    It feels good to just relax today. I slept in, talked on the phone, piddled around on the computer, and just took a long shower with Aura deep conditioner with cherry bark. It smells delicious!

    I feel excited to go to church this evening (it meets at 5 and 7 pm). I love being there!

    I feel happy that I got some yummy food for a good price at the discount grocery store. I am learning to find joy in saving money, rather than in spending it.



  177.  #177Brenda on December 5, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    My puppies keep looking at me as if they’re amazed that I’m actually home. I feel like I am coming out of orbit after being way too busy. I honestly need a vacation, and I am officially on vacation.

    That doesn’t mean I am just going to have recreation. But I now have an opportunity to get my life in order. I’m going to spend a lot of time organizing and cleaning my house, and organizing my papers and bills.



  178.  #178tinque on December 5, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    “I just would like sirens to know that herbs are potent pharmaceuticals and should be regarded as such , and that bioidenticals are not proven safe.”

    Yes herbs are drugs just as any other drugs, but they are from nature, not man made. So care must be exercised when embarking on any herbal course.

    BUT when brewed into infusions, red clover, red raspberry, oat straw, nettle, etc., they act as foods such as the hummus Lucy spoke of.

    Bio-identicals are as safe, no I will say it, they are far safer than any pharmaceutical out there.

    If you choose and herb or a bio-identical over a drug company’s product, of course they will say your choice is unsafe.

    Pharmaceutical companies are huge and VERY powerful. Anything they have to say I consider with great thought and usually reject.

    If anyone wants some great herbal information from the most knowledgeable person alive, check out Susun Weed’s site, susunweed.com. She is ALL about the woman with an emphasis on the menopausal woman and the woman who has or has had breast cancer. There’s far too much information to impart here. For example, she discusses phytoestrogens, breast and vaginal health, woman health, and much much more.
    xxoo



  179.  #179Deb on December 5, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    80: Rosa

    I like reading your input, so thank you so much!

    Yesterday was great/crazy/intense/frustrating…

    I’m so drained I’m missing out on a CD brunch and CD dancing today… I do really need to catch up with school work though. Yes, I have been CDing a bunch and its been lovely, but I feel guilty sometimes about neglecting my school work to get ready for dates and go out all the time… at one point about a month ago I think I was juggling 7 dudes and its just too much!

    So meeting ShimSham’s parents went really well. It was a company dinner with 6 couples altogether. Sometimes I was referred to as a friend instead of a date though, which felt a little bad. Anyway, we all had a great flow of conversation. I did lots of listening to interesting people and expressed myself with lots of feeling messages. So even though the service was slow, I had fun and the time flew!

    I loved my outfit that a friend helped me pick out, but I felt self-conscious at times because the dress was pretty tight and short and his parents are traditional/southern. So I just told him how I felt and he reassured me that I looked great 🙂 Also, I had a very nice red half-jacket over the top, so I felt very appropriate sitting at the table, but I definitely kept my napkin over my lap b/c his Dad was sitting next to me and the dress rides up when I sit down! eep!

    So right now, ShimSham and I stand as we did before. He cannot give me even sexual exclusiveness at this time 🙁 For the record, I am currently (technically) sexually exclusive with Shag, but decided I couldn’t in good faith stay over with him Friday night with all of the ShimSham stuff going on.

    After dinner he brought me home, we talked/made out/talked/made out. He is completely respectful of my boundaries, but its obvious that desire and chemistry is there. He told me that its very hard for him to hold back but its a sign of his respect and caring for me. I think he is surprised that for me, having any type of orgasm “counts.” I explained as I have before that I know I will get attached. Last night I told him for the sake of honesty and openness, that there is someone else I’m with that he knows. I said I hadn’t wanted to mention it before because I didn’t want it to come across as me trying to make him jealous or manipulate. He says he clearly knows and sees how many guys are attracted to me, but he didn’t want to talk about this topic when it came up again later… so I’m not sure what is up with that… We did have a thorough conversation about how I date, and he gets it now. No gf, no sex w/out commitment, and I’m going to keep my options open until I’m engaged.

    But what happened next was so astonishing. We were making out and he was kneeling over me caressing my torso while I arched my back and I was just totally into the moment and it just felt so so good and then BAM! I felt hit by this shockwave and burst out crying! I wasn’t even thinking about anything! He immediately just fell over hugging and calming me and letting me cry. I said “I can’t do this. I can’t do this halfway, I don’t know why I’m crying. I feel so embarrassed and vulnerable for crying for no reason!”

    Eventually I said “I don’t know, this just feels too good… I can’t handle it… I don’t want to feel this way.” He whispered to me “I care about you.”

    Then a little while later, he started talking and HE STARTED CRYING (just barely) TOO! He made me promise not to tell anyone. I think Rori’s last letter was about guys feeling safe to access their emotional side… wow… I sure believe that now.

    He is confused about what he wants and I think it really pains him to feel blamed or think he’s hurt women emotionally. I reassured him that he hadn’t done anything wrong, but maybe I need to draw different boundaries because I thought I could handle something I couldn’t. He says that what he wants is coming into focus very quickly for him… well we’ll see about that…

    So the really interesting part is that right before I cried, he told me that he was envisioning gathering up all of his energy and just pouring it over and into me. Whoa! We talked about this for awhile and it seems to fit that we had some kind of intense energy exchange. I can only be open to receiving so much because I know he is not devoted to me, so its like he overflowed my cup!

    So this experience seemed to be very powerful for him. He kept talking about it (he stayed till like 4), saying how he felt bad that I cried of course, but how amazing it was that we were able to experience that kind of connection.

    Oh geez… be brave and make up your mind dude.

    *Sigh* now I have to deal with a long email from Shag… maybe I’ll post on that later

    <3 and hugs to all



  180.  #180tinque on December 5, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    Ella – Your vagina, any woman’s vagina stores everything, every hurt, every trauma whether sexually related or otherwise.

    She is also very sensitive to how her woman feels in any given moment and can and will shut down if a negative thought crosses her mind, especially if it involves the one with whom she is sexually intimate.

    Healing her and her tightness is a process. Awareness is key. From there it’s healing yourself, and as you heal, so will she. There are many exercises I can recommend to help heal her directly if you wish to explore this further. Please let me know.
    xxoo



  181.  #181tinque on December 5, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    Deb – that’s awesome, Brava…
    xxooo



  182.  #182Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    @169: Lakshmi says:
    “EMK sent a link to his recording out the following day. I couldn’t make the call, but plan to listen to it. And it’s free! If you’re not on his email list, I’m sure you could contact him and have it sent to you.”

    Weird! I am on his list and I didn’t get the recording. I just checked again just in case I missed it although I made a careful look for it on Thursday and Friday. Nothing! I signed up at his web site and not from the subscriber email maybe that’s the reason…Maybe lot of people didn’t get a recording. Wonder if he knows?

    SLV



  183.  #183Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    @175: tinque says:

    “If you choose and herb or a bio-identical over a drug company’s product, of course they will say your choice is unsafe.
    Pharmaceutical companies are huge and VERY powerful. Anything they have to say I consider with great thought and usually reject.”

    I understand that part completely. Many years ago I was considering work as a pharmaceutical rep and I “shadowed” one of the top reps at a highly renown international Big Pharma company. It was quite an eye-opener! And not the job for me!

    “If anyone wants some great herbal information from the most knowledgeable person alive, check out Susun Weed’s site, susunweed.com.”

    I’ll make note of this site and check it out.

    Thanks for the resource.

    SLV



  184.  #184Lucy on December 5, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    “Bio-identicals are as safe, no I will say it, they are far safer than any pharmaceutical out there.” (Tinque)

    My (female) gyn-oncologist agrees with that completely.



  185.  #185Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    @169: Golden says:

    “Me: Ok so let’s meet up at six then.
    Kool: But i made plans for football, If you had called me earlier, i would not have made plans.”

    I believe CD would alleviate some of this problem; you’d have more options and less “waiting around” or chasing one man.

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  186.  #186Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    @173: Lucy says:

    “Tear ducts have estrogen receptors, and without enough estrogen, eyes feel very dry. Mine felt gritty and painful right after my surgery — it was awful.”

    Thanks Lucy, I’m trying to catch up on blog posts. I’ll definitely check these products.

    Re the eyes, I find mine are a little moister than they used to be, cool breezes and spicy foods bring more tears than before. I don’t mind, not a bother.

    SLV



  187.  #187Rosa on December 5, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    Have to comment about safe bio-identicals .I have worked a lot in this area .I have read the literature. I dont want to discuss my qualifications here , but I disagree with Tinque who says that Bios are safe.That is a misleading statement and there is nil data to support that , just as there is nil data to describe safe doses or methods of administration .

    I worked with women whose Estrogen and testosterone levels were off the scale on bios , even with creams , not just troches . I am talking numbers like 15000 when normal menopausal estrogen is less than 100 and a cycle maxes out at 1500 during ovulation. This is not safe. Especially not month after month. This is massive overdose and not due to known errors in compounding , dispensing or usage which are difficult to control or quality control.

    These women often had no idea they were on the same hormones as traditional HRT- ie 17-beta oestradiol. They thought it was “different” and “safe” . One had a stroke.

    My gynae is investigating several cases of endometrial carcinoma he believes were induced by bios because of inadequate balance of progesterone to the estrogen.

    This is a huge safety controversy . In the end if a receptor is being stimulated it doesnt matter if a cream, a troche , a patch or a pill was the source.

    I have the cancer to prove it 🙂 ( I used all of these forms of HRT ).

    17 beta oestradiol is the final common denominator. Testosterone replacement seems a little more reliably absorbed but I know women who used tiny doses of cream and still had levels in the 30 + range when <8 is a womans usual level. Their hair was thinning, ones voice had deepened in a matter of a few short months.

    Women must do as they wish but I am not comfortable that any HRT is safer than any other and much research is needed in this area.

    There are many nice ideas in bioidentical hormonal prescription , such as tapering dose to suit etc, but these ideas are not backed up by the science or the technology to truly deliver.



  188.  #188tinque on December 5, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    By the way oatstraw infusion (1 quart of boiling water poured over a large handful of organic herb and allowed to steep overnight, then strained, refrigerated and drunk throughout a day or two) is one of the best vaginal tissue lubricants from the inside out.
    It’s also a great libido booster.
    xxoo



  189.  #189tinque on December 5, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    And I don’t trust any study conducted or funded by a pharmaceutical company which most if not all are.
    As with anything that is ingested in concentrated amounts, food included, one must monitor how you feel and any symptoms which may arise.
    At the first sign of abdominal discomfort, pain, irregularities of any kind, one STOPS usage. This is common sense many don’t employ. Many think it’s natural, more is better. Not so.
    xxoo



  190.  #190Rosa on December 5, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    Wow Deb ,

    I feel so excited to hear all this.

    !, You had a great date.
    2.You reinforced the no GF
    3.You reinforced no exclusivity means no sex if that is your boundary.(and its a good one because look what sort of things happen when you are not having sex!)
    4.You continued to CD , the thing is here that it doesnt matter if you have sex with Shag in my opinion as long as you both know its casual , no GF,and you are looking for a CRWVM (committed relationship with view to marriage)
    5. You were honest with all parties , especially yourself@!!!!!!!!!\

    YOU ROCK!



  191.  #191tinque on December 5, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    Rosa – I feel very badly you have had to suffer as you have been, but I don’t believe HRTs gave you your cancer. They may have contributed or added to a predisposition you already had, but in and of themselves, if they were used with sense, then no I do not agree.

    What we in this country call traditional medicine though I would argue that the “old ways” herbs and such is the traditional way, has its place.

    I am grateful it was there for me when I was seriously ill and before that when I had life threatening injuries.

    I am grateful for the anesthesia that was administered (even though they all make me throw up) for all the surgeries I had to undergo. (Maybe acupuncture would have been a better way to go.)

    But the side effects from all the drugs that were supposed to help me I’m not grateful for. And it took years to get them out of my system. I wish I knew then what I know now, for I would have refused most of them, except for maybe the morphine.

    All kidding aside, drugs can be dangerous. There is a very good reason I react violently to most all of them.
    xxoo



  192.  #192Isis on December 5, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    ROSA, and SIRENS:
    in the message where you are coaching to say “i feel turned off when there is clearly still another woman in the picture” this triggered my fear of setting something negative in motion via wording that has not been transformed to the positive.

    for example.
    “I do not like wording things negatively. Words are powerful and negative wording will compound the negative energy, causing exactly the thing you are afraid of.”

    or

    “I prefer to choose my words carefully and communicate them in a positive tone, in order to nurture and uplift a situation.”

    see the difference?

    So, when I speak, I try not to say things such as “when there is clearly another woman in the picture” because I feel that my words make it so.

    In fact this fear or determination to create positively is so strong in me that many times I do not like to even focus additional energy on “the thing I didn’t like” but instead focus my gratitude energy on things I DO like.

    I am eager to hear everyone’s thoughts on this.

    “the power of life and death is in the tongue”…



  193.  #193tinque on December 5, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    I agree to a point Isis. And in this case, these would not have been words I would have chosen nor suggested to a client to say. Something simple, like “this feel bad to me” is enough. The why is clear.
    xxoo



  194.  #194Rosa on December 5, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    Tinque,

    With respect –
    “If you choose and herb or a bio-identical over a drug company’s product, of course they will say your choice is unsafe.”…..

    I feel triggered +++. I feel inflamed when I read this!

    ALL oestrogenic receptor stimulating compounds are regarded as carcinogenic in certain populations for reasons that are completely unknown at this point in time. This is scientific opinion not related to drug companies necessarily. I feel exhausted by hearing the same old ” nasty evil drug company conspiracy ” theories. They are not perfect but mankind has hugely benefited by their presence.

    Who precisely is “they” and on what evidence are “they” saying it? I am nothing to do with a drug company , although I acknowledge that company funded trials have hugely affected the practice of medicine , and mostly beneficially so !! The voices of caution are independent scientists and medical doctors whose patients these are AND the drug companies whose own trials confirm problems with HRT use..

    I personally trust large scale prospective preferably double blind trials. The WHI trial was backed by Wyeth pharmaceuticals but clearly confirmed HRT causes cancer. This led to a worldwide change of practice.



  195.  #195Daria on December 5, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    Ella – post you liked about being present was actually a quote from Erika



  196.  #196Daria on December 5, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    Isis – I don’t believe in anything bad. Rori had a recent post on this, it was, “if we think about something, do we attract it?”

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/if-we-think-about-something-do-we-attract-it/

    now the thing is… if it feels bad.. ie… yes i will attract a “bad” thing… it’s not true…

    there is simply nothing bad

    thats it

    and Rori strongly encourages DON’T WANTS

    to reject Behavior we don’t want (not a person)

    this works WELL

    I am the Goddess in the forest

    suppose a man comes in offering me stuff i don’t like

    in a booming voice i say

    I DON;T WANT this

    then he knows clearly the Goddess doesn’t want this

    he can come back with worship she Does like

    some Goddesses like diff types of offerings…

    and even if he did say, offer water to a blazing fire Goddess

    she may also feel his intent (best if always assumed to be loving anyway)

    she may say i don’t want this, without actually being triggered

    or she May be triggered… and that’s ok too

    she’s still a Goddess



  197.  #197Daria on December 5, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    Susun weed – speaks about how estradiol is like oxygen to a fire of breast cancer

    harmless in itself

    but once there is cancer, it’s like fanning it bigger, quickly

    .

    I feel mistrustful of drug companies and their studies.



  198.  #198Rosa on December 5, 2010 at 3:16 pm

    Isis,

    yes i agree totally that negative frames can create negative outcomes.

    But I also feel comfortable expressing true feelings , and more and more comfortable the more I practice that.

    Stuffing feelings like anger and fear creates more anger and more fear and expressing it , naming and feeling it , allows comfort to build.

    Pretending the fear is not there NEVER works. if you are afraid or angry that he sees her , diving in and feeling it is what Rori recommends.

    It was my understanding that you felt uncomfortable with him sleeping over at her place and seeing her weekly and working with her on a porn-like shoot.
    To me this is clearly another woman in the picture.

    I think the essence is your feelings , not my words but yours. It was only an example , not a script to learn.

    So maybe a tweak .

    “I feel tense and angry when you talk about her sexually. I feel turned off to you. I dont want to feel this way. What do you think?”

    If you dont feel anger , what is it you are feeling?
    The negative emotions basically get down to sadness , anger , fear and guilt , and mixtures of them!



  199.  #199tinque on December 5, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    I don’t want to trigger you Rosa, and then again I don’t have any control over this. I feel very strongly about this. I did say that this kind of medicine has its place, BUT if people ate well, took exquisite care of their bodies, the vast majority of these drugs would not have been needed to begin with.

    The they I refer to are the people, the corporate heads of drug companies, stock holders, Wall Street mainly, lining their pockets at the expense and sometimes disposal of many.

    I don’t want to have an argument. I don’t really want to say anything more about this. I don’t want to create a rift with you or anyone else for that matter. That’s now who I am. Since we disagree on this, it’s just that simple. We disagree. I’m perfectly okay with this.
    xxoo



  200.  #200Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    @187 Rosa says:

    “I have the cancer to prove it ( I used all of these forms of HRT )…”

    I am concerned that you have cancer and happy that your treatment has been successful. If you believe that your cancer was caused or exacerbated by your HRT, you are wise to discontinue it.

    I am not certain that cancers of any type can be avoided by opting out of hormone supplementation. As you have your personal story, I have friends and family members who have lived, and died, with cancer with nary a whiff of hormone supplements.

    Hormones are indeed a tricky business; I have thinning hair (well, I’m not bald!.. yet) and I am not supplementing anything!

    Whether or not I will supplement in the future… maybe I will, maybe I won’t; however given the choices available I consider bio-identical hormones superior to hormone medicines that are not. I believe monitoring and individualized administration routines are key.

    The U.S. pharmaceutical industry and government regulation will not be joining forces anytime soon, I suspect never, to fairly assess bio-identical hormones. If I “waited” for that, I’m afraid it would be forever. I’ll have to make my own decisions the best I can.

    SLV



  201.  #201Soul Sista on December 5, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    Ladies: my date is outside talking to his neighbors…we just got back from brunch. he cut xmas trees down with 2 of his friends and i dragged a tree out of the woods! 😉

    i had to get into a business conversation with the ex-man/current music business partner and the convo turned personal and he said he shut me out lately (blocked me on facbook, not returning my calls or emails) for this eo you not up on the story, i used to be an alcoholic, severely (hospitals, detox centers) for at least a year while in our “long-distance” (imaginary) relationship:

    “…now that i am recovered, i have to move on with what i want in life…i’m not being cocky, i’m being happy. i wanted it to be with you be fate has had it thus far that our attempts to see each other have been futile. i want marriage and a couple more kids and i am 43…i’m a young 43 that’s for sure but i used to see my whole long life ahead of me and now i see the end of it coming. i hope the gods will grant me my deepest desire and the hands of fate will be kind because this is going to take sharing the deepest love, the love i thought i had with you.”

    i don’t care if it’s completely Rori correct or not…the essence of it i feel is open, loving, and Siren.



  202.  #202Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    @188: tinque says:

    “…By the way oatstraw infusion (1 quart of boiling water poured over a large handful of organic herb and allowed to steep overnight, then strained, refrigerated and drunk throughout a day or two) is one of the best vaginal tissue lubricants from the inside out. It’s also a great libido booster. xxoo|

    Yahoo, tinque. 😀

    I am starting a folder for health and rejuvenation tips!

    I used to have quite a library of herbal knowledge and recipes. I regret I don’t have that anymore. I did learn that some herbs must be handled very careful or they are toxic or even poisonous.

    I’ll check this out. More tips will also be appreciated.

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  203.  #203tinque on December 5, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    SLV – Thank you. Yahoo indeed.

    Kegels using ALL the muscles, the lower ones around the area where you hold when you have to go really badly, the middle ones, midway up between the opening and the cervix, and the ones around the cervix. Do them sequentially, in a wave like going up an elevator, fast ones, slow ones, hold for three counts, ten.

    Keeps the whole area rejuvenated, lubricated, and ready more readily for action.

    If you can’t isolate the different muscles, just imagine you are squeezing there. Eventually they will kick in, and you will be able to feel them.

    Learning how to FE is so much fun. I recently taught myself, and it’s brought everything sex related to yet another level.

    xxoo



  204.  #204Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    203: tinque says:

    “…Kegels using ALL the muscles,…”

    Do you know of any results using vaginal barbells or other PC muscle development aids?

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  205.  #205Daria on December 5, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    Senior Lady Vibe –

    more tips – comfrey oil is a great and healthy vaginal lubricant also

    nettle is energy booster, not stimulating, but building

    but you will find all this and more at Susun Weed’s sites and articles, youtube videos

    I <3 Susun

    shes even available to call, I called her once, this year, when i felt desperate about my bladder infection

    she helped me with a mind healing exercise…

    she said my mind was freaking out, and when that would happen, i was to pick a color – i picked yellow – that symbolized health for me… and then direct my mind to it.. Yellow Yellow

    this helped

    she also said i would have to drink cranberry everyday – for the rest of my life – this didnt' feel good and I didn't choose to believe it.. i think my bladder infection was a bit different than that

    i don't believe anything that doesn't feel good, even from the lovely Susun



  206.  #206tinque on December 5, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    SLV – “Do you know of any results using vaginal barbells or other PC muscle development aids?”

    Oh yes I do. They all work well. My favorite one is the jade egg which can be purchased from Saida Desilet at jadegoddess.com which is worn internally for as many hours as feels right and as many days a week. A length of unwaxed dental floss is threaded through the pre-drilled hole and secured for easy removal. There are many exercises you can do with it for strengthening outlined in her book, or e-mail me, and I will help you.

    Honestly though in my experience, just you and your own squeezing power which can and does increase over time is the best and the cheapest.
    xxoo



  207.  #207tinque on December 5, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    Susun is a wealth of knowledge. I went through one of her herbal courses, and it was amazing. I learned SO much.

    I’m with Daria though on some of what she says. Trust your own intuition. If it feels bad, not uncomfortable as in stretching new muscles, then it’s not likely good for YOU.

    xxoo



  208.  #208Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    @205 Daria says:

    “i don’t believe anything that doesn’t feel good, even from the lovely Susun..”

    Yes, I’m with you there! This goes for doctors, herbalogists, everyone.

    I’ve had persistent cystitis at several points in my life, one resulting in a rather gruesome procedure…and I thought…I can take care of *myself* better than this… 😯

    The next time it happened, years later, on a weekend and I couldn’t get a doctor appointment for a couple of days so took the matter into my own hands and basically rinsed and rinsed and rinsed out bladder by drinking lots of weak herbal teas. I really forget which one but I think it was chamomile but not sure.

    It worked just as well as those antibiotics I used to take and I think almost as fast. After two days I didn’t even go to the doctor although it took a week or two to get back to normal.

    SLV



  209.  #209Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    206: tinque says:

    “…. My favorite one is the jade egg which can be purchased from Saida Desilet at jadegoddess.com Honestly though in my experience, just you and your own squeezing power which can and does increase over time is the best and the cheapest….”

    Thanks for this and your kind offer to e-mail you.

    tinque, girlfriend… you must be formidable… 😆

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  210.  #210Isis on December 5, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    Rosa- I am not the one who made the post about the ex. I was just using your words as an example to illustrate something I wanted to get your views on.

    Daria-

    but suppose the men like attention. And the goddess neglects to give attention, except when it is something that she enjoys! Then she showers them in attention and squeals of delight and gratitude and loving words.

    suppose instead of saying “I don’t like when you… talk to that girl”

    she said the positive of it – “I love when you spend your time on me, I love when.. you talk to me… ”

    (could be said better, but you get the idea).

    I have learned that to GIVE attention to something is to give energy to it. To give energy to it by thinking about it, saying it, rejecting it, even, only feeds the energetic fire.

    I try to integrate all of the things I have learned, somehow, and I am sure there is a way for me to integrate this into rori’s tools. In fact I feel as though it IS somewhat of an integration to just restate the thing I don’t want in a positive light of what I do want.

    Isn’t that the rule of gratitude? Gratitude increases whatever you are grateful for?

    I can see using the “i don’t want” occasionally. More likely I would use it for small things, like “i don’t want my soup to be too spicy”.

    for larger things that I seriously reject, rejecting them only leads to more of it.

    Maybe it depends on the person.

    I know as a sagittarius when I was younger, to tell me not to see someone, that you didn’t like it, would only serve to make me angry if I felt like what I was doing was fine, or that someone were just trying to force me to do something their way.

    Sometimes people respond like this. Maybe this means they don’t love you enough, maybe it just means they respond this way and it needs a different type of response to communicate with it. I don’t know. just thinking out loud…..

    Maybe it means they are feeling very defensive and protective of themselves.

    Maybe I am too empathetic.

    I don’t knowwww.

    agh.

    frustrated with this energetic impressionistic intuitive communication.
    if going only on marianne williamson for example I would love unconditionally and attempt to allow things to heal.

    I think the balance there is, love unconditionally, and allow yourself to hold a sacred space of healing- that is what relationships are for. to help each other heal and grow. But if that person doesn’t want to change, doesn’t want to love you, etc undefinable impressions in my mind right now — then that is the time to stop. But then, you are now loving conditionally.

    Are we supposed to love unconditionally? If we are to love as Jesus loved, then I would say yes.

    Part of me thinks the best way to get a relationship I want though, is to be very business like and say – that doesn’t fit my picture. that behaviour isn’t acceptable. and then not accept it. And when I find a relationship I do want, THEN love unconditionally because that person has agreed (in my picture) to a lifelong relationship for that purpose of healing and love..

    I just don’t know why this doesn’t all jive.. I keep searching for the meeting point of it all…and getting closer..



  211.  #211tinque on December 5, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    HAH!!!

    Really I blush and say thank you. SLV.

    By the by, I went to ravelry and fell in love. The only problem is though I remember how to knit and purl, I don’t remember how to cast on and off, nor do I know how to read those patterns. sigh.

    There was a sweater coat I saw that I want to make in block stripes with any and every color I can imagine, red, deep purple, lavender, royal blue, buttercup yellow, cream, dusty pink, emerald green, and anything which inspires at the time.
    xxoo



  212.  #212Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    @210 tinque says:

    “By the by, I went to ravelry and fell in love. The only problem is though I remember how to knit and purl, I don’t remember how to cast on and off, nor do I know how to read those patterns. sigh. ”

    I know, I know! Something, isn’t it!!! If I stop to think how I cast on, I can’t do it…it’s like riding a bicycle… You could start with something simple. I can only read the patterns that are written out, I don’t do charted patterns unless the chart is just for color or design.

    I only do easy patterns and avoid dps (double pointed needles) and lacy, many rows in one pattern repeat.

    k1, p2 you got that right? knit one stitch, purl two stitches.

    There must be a cast on how-to vid on YouTube.

    Which pattern did you like? If you give me name of that sweater coat I can look it up. As it is, I’m going through all the free patterns, ooh-ing and ah-ing.

    Did you see the Tribal Fusion girls? They are German and have knit patterns. Those German girls always seem to have the most intricate patterns.

    Anyway, these women do tribal fusion belly dance and they have vids and lots of photos on their site, link at Ravelry. They make a lot of goddessy looking stuff!!! their dance costumes, etc etc

    There are jewelry patterns there too… super siren, goddessy…

    SLV



  213.  #213tinque on December 5, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    SLV – Thank you, yes I know k1 p2. The sweater I saw was called snowbird, a long sweater coat with a shawl collar and longer sleeves. I imagine it in block colors as I described.

    ravelry.com/patterns/library/snowbird-2

    I also am clueless on yarn thicknesses and needle gauges. I’m quite sure once I see someone casting on and/or off it will come right back. youtube, good idea.

    I have to take a long plane ride in three weeks, so this kind of a project would be great.

    Anyone know if knitting needles would be confiscated as a weapon? Probably huh? double sigh.

    xxoo



  214.  #214Nikita on December 5, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    Tony Robbins segment on dating as a man, being broke, and overcoming it ALL (read: stepping up)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vryFBRiXzrQ



  215.  #215Jas on December 5, 2010 at 5:57 pm

    Hello Goddesses! Sooo….tonight I had my first CD since I broke up with my ex. It was fun, i practiced Leaning back and Listening at Level 2. I also did 3 or 4 Feeling Messages. It went pretty well..however, the only thing I did “wrong” was the date was too long by Rori’s standards. I know she says dates should be no more than 30mins. my date was about 3 1/2 hours. We had coffee, then went somewhere else for appetizers, then another place for drinks and playing pool. Does anyone know why Rori says 30 mins is enough? I feel curious about this because 30mins would have felt too abrupt for me. However, I’m very open to using all of Rori’s tips, so any insight is very appreciated. Thanks!



  216.  #216Katnina on December 5, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    Tinque 213, I have flown with my knitting many times and always been let through security with it, but they sometimes look askance at metal needles, so wooden ones are probably better when going through security (wooden ones feel better in my hands anyways!). I try to remember to put tips on when flying in case they take out my knitting so I don’t drop stitches.
    They don’t allow scissors but I have used the cutting tool on dental floss in a pinch & it works! Hope this helps!
    kat



  217.  #217Daria on December 5, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    i feel so moved i feel so sad

    i saw la vie en rose the one about edith piaf’s life

    and when at the end she was all skinny and addicted and shaky

    it rmeninded me of my sister in teh hospital

    and i am cri\ying

    and i feel sad

    because the voices are telling me my sister doesnt love me

    i was the one who visited her she didnt visit me

    shes not visiting me

    and when she saw me last on her birthday she acted mean to me

    like shes jealous

    and i feel bad

    for being friends with her babydaddy

    but not just that

    just cuz

    like

    my sister is not loving me

    and i feel alone

    and she didnt die and i feel blessed for that

    and i feel sad

    that now she doesnt love me

    tho she does love me i think

    im sad

    im sad

    im sad

    and i didnt offer to give her my liver cuz i was scared

    i feel guilty that i didnt offer her everything

    my liver probbly wasnt too good then either

    i feel so sad

    i want to be loved

    i want someone to come pick me up

    cuz they want to see me
    they want me at the party with them

    and i dont want her to drink

    oh i hope she hasnt been drinking

    i dont imagine her doing that

    tho she did on her birthday

    when we got in that fight



  218.  #218Daria on December 5, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    I just cried a lot and texted my sister

    whew

    i want a EFT practitioner to help me…



  219.  #219Katnina on December 5, 2010 at 6:57 pm

    I feel sad.
    I don’t think phishman will step up. I know he likes me, I can feel it(& he told my friend) . But I don’t think he likes me enough to get past his fear and step up.
    I was with friends yesterday and my friend asked some of her guy friends what I should do, she told them the whole story of me throwing up in his apartment last January, him asking me out & me rejecting him months later, us making out after his bday and him clearly flirting w me and leaning way forward with his energy at friday’s party but then leaving early and not calling or texting me. They said I should text him & invite him to see my dance performance Friday.

    I don’t want to. I want him to make a move. I invited mr fireman instead bc if mr fireman is there then phishman can’t come so it is my way of blocking myself from inviting phishman. Last week, mr fireman asked if he could see me perform & I wasn’t sure so I told him I’d let him know. Asked him today and he said yes and seems excited about it.
    I’m excited for him to see me too!

    But I still feel sad about phishman.
    They said I have rejected him too many times and of course he is afraid of rejection by me so I need to make it clear that I like him.

    I am scared too.
    Terrified actually.
    It’s easy to date when I don’t feel like I’m risking my heart. Just like it was easy for him to be a player bc he knew he couldn’t get hurt emotionally.
    But we had this MOMENT 6 weeks ago, staring each other in the eyes and we clicked and it was amazing and terrifying at the same time.

    I don’t want him if he’s not ready. But I don’t want to always wonder ‘what if he thinks I’m going to reject him again & that’s why he’s not stepping up?’

    Sirens, what do you think?



  220.  #220Luzydel on December 5, 2010 at 6:58 pm

    Yayyy I had a nice date today we had drinks and talked for over two hrs. I did all the leaning forward, relaxing etc. Ahh I am finally getting it.



  221.  #221Luzydel on December 5, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    I meant leaning backward lol hehe



  222.  #222Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    Dancing sirens…

    Tribal Bliss ~ Drum Choreography
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMNOaDQKnSw

    SLV



  223.  #223Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 7:03 pm

    More dancing sirens…

    Tribal Bliss ~ Balkan Fusion
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oH7xEez0xag

    SLV



  224.  #224Luzydel on December 5, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    So I got a txt from a guy who I went on three dates last June, It says “I miss You”. I wasn’t expecting him to text at all and I feel he is playing games.

    I am still wondering if I should respond to it or not…and if I did respond how should I tell him I think he is full of BS…



  225.  #225Darling Ella on December 5, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    Thank u SLV for sharing…U links got me to this one as well…:) Very Rori like – organic teachings 🙂

    Sensual Bellydancing…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DIQQ88l9M0&feature=channel



  226.  #226Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    @213: tinque says:

    “…The sweater I saw was called snowbird, a long sweater coat with a shawl collar and longer sleeves…ravelry.com/patterns/library/snowbird-2

    I also am clueless on yarn thicknesses and needle gauges. I’m quite sure once I see someone casting on and/or off it will come right back. youtube, good idea. Anyone know if knitting needles would be confiscated as a weapon?…”

    My needle(s) of choice for years have been circular needles. The prized Addie Turbos have metal tips connected by plastic cord and those might look like weapons but a whole lot less than the stereotypical pair of two straight metal knitting needs. I don’t like those anyway and I prefer the nylon/plastic circular needles. I knit all straight flat pieces on these too.

    If you cast on and knit a couple rows and carry it that way it won’t even look like “knitting needles.”

    I’ll check out the “snowbird” pattern tonight or tomorrow.

    @216: Katnina says:
    “…they sometimes look askance at metal needles, so wooden ones are probably better when going through security (wooden ones feel better in my hands anyways!). I try to remember to put tips on when flying in case they take out my knitting so I don’t drop stitches. They don’t allow scissors but I have used the cutting tool on dental floss in a pinch & it works!…”

    Since I use circulars, tips are not needed. You grab both needle tips and slip all stitches down past them onto the connecting cord…even when you are in the middle of the row…really handy when you are knitting on the train and it pulls into a station while you are in the middle of row.

    And since you are knitting in a round (even straight back and forth flat pieces) it takes up less space & you aren’t likely to “elbow” the person sitting next to you. 😀

    SLV



  227.  #227Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    @225: Darling Ella says:
    “Thank u SLV for sharing…U links got me to this one as well…:) Very Rori like – organic teachings ..”

    You’re welcome, DE, Thanks for yours as well. I liked those demonstrations. Maybe i will add bellydancing to my life… “D

    SLV



  228.  #228Golden on December 5, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    SLV thanks!
    I did do some CDing but nothing comes close to what i feel for Kool.
    Btw is it ok to tell our LI of d affection we receive from other men? This is not to make him jealous bt rather to encourage him to step up.
    But i do so want this thing with Mr kool to work. Its just that he doesn’t seem to respond well with my leaning back on our dating arrangements.
    I still hv not recived any respond frm him as to when we shd meet. And i’ve decided to abandon my idea of suggesting ti meet tomorrow even tho i know he will not b working. I shall continue leaning back with positivity.



  229.  #229Katnina on December 5, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    Luzydel, what about ‘I feel weird & surprised to hear from you. I don’t want to play games. What do you think?’
    if that is what you are feeling. What are you feeling?
    I think I would feel angry to get a text like that after 6months of no contact. Were the dates fun? Did you feel good with him? Or bad? Or just blah?



  230.  #230LonePlum on December 5, 2010 at 7:58 pm


  231.  #231Siena on December 5, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    Daria, hugs!!



  232.  #232LonePlum on December 5, 2010 at 8:18 pm

    Daria 218

    I feel sad with you and I feel hopeful.

    xxx



  233.  #233Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 8:24 pm

    @228 Golden
    “…Btw is it ok to tell our LI of d affection we receive from other men? This is not to make him jealous bt rather to encourage him to step up…”

    IMHO, it seems as though you are trying to “make him step up” by making him jealous.

    I don’t know what the others will say. I would not do this. I would not even discuss with one man my meetings with other men. I would not make it a deceptive secret but it would be my business and not his.

    I would do the CD for myself not to make any man do any particular thing, and not to wave in front of any of them.

    SLV



  234.  #234Daria on December 5, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    Thanks Goddesses… I am feeling better

    my mom has been in a good mood and LAUGHING today and yesterday and that feels WONDERFUL

    life is getting happy!

    I am reading the Mary Croft book about the lie of money and I am feeling rather scared and alone and like I want protection

    I imagine myself reaching out to the man who sent it to me (19 man) and asking him will he then protect me forever

    Soul Sista your thoughts on how living life as a Sovereign Being feels works?



  235.  #235Senior Lady Vibe on December 5, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    @214: Nikita says:
    “Tony Robbins segment on dating as a man, being broke, and overcoming it ALL (read: stepping up)
    “http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vryFBRiXzrQ

    He mentions “momentum.” I believe there is power in momentum.

    SLV



  236.  #236Brenda on December 5, 2010 at 9:04 pm

    Tinque,

    RE: #180 – You said, “Your vagina, any woman’s vagina stores everything, every hurt, every trauma whether sexually related or otherwise.”

    Beautifully said. Ever since 1999, I figured out that I bleed uncontrollably whenever I am under heavy stress. It took me 8 years to figure out why I was heavily bleeding at times. I finally realized it always happened when I was under heavy stress. It happened last month after I found out I was losing my job and then student loans looked me up. I had a 9 day period, and then a week later, I bled heavily for 2 weeks.

    The longest I ever bled was 3 months. It was horrible. Once I was sent to the emergency room cuz I was so anemic.

    I am just glad I was able to figure it out. BTW, I was checked by a gynecologist several times and they ruled out anything physical. I may or may not be able to control it with birth control pills. But what helps most is if I work thru the stress and feel relaxed again.

    My body and my heart tell me when things aren’t right. Thank you, body and heart!



  237.  #237Golden on December 5, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    SLV, yes i think it’s silly fot me to even thought of that.
    About CDing i feel i can be such a goddess with guys whom i m not drawn to.
    Last week this guy i had date with who is also a long time friend of mine was wonderful and he hugged me real tight when we left and wanted to kiss me. In which i turned my head away.
    I feel really weird after that cause i dont have that kind of attraction towards him.
    I was quite divaish with him during the date and felt gd about
    it but after the kissing attempt i felt squemish.



  238.  #238Katnina on December 5, 2010 at 9:16 pm

    Loneplum, thank you! I missed your response before, I really appreciate it.
    It’s a student recital & tickets are free but we each only get 5 for family & friends since space is limited. 4 friends are coming so I had an extra. I feel fine with mr fireman being there, bc i’m cd’ing others and i feel like my vibe with him has shifted-I’m happy to be friends with him, maybe if he asks I will date him, maybe not, depends how I feel I guess.

    I think your advice applies to phishman though too-give him space & if he wants me enough, he can come get me.
    The other thing I realized w phishman is that he can’t disappear forever since we are in a wedding together in May. So I will see him again, and until then, I will continue CD’ing and practicing everything I have learned so far!
    Thank you, Loneplum!



  239.  #239Katnina on December 5, 2010 at 9:22 pm

    Daria, I feel happy reading about your mom laughing and being happy.



  240.  #240Daria on December 5, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    “You’ve heard stories of wives who go off to work and, after commute/ clothing/ childcare expenses along with what the gov’t confiscates in income tax, the family is actually farther behind in net income. What were they thinking? I have enough trouble with the concept of anyone ‘working’ but particularly women. Their job in life is huge enough; – that of dragging their men from the ‘world’ into the spiritual realm. I haven’t even touched upon the time and energy consumption of minding children and creating a home.”

    ~ mary croft

    whoa bevis!

    she said the woman’s job is to drag the men from the “world” to the spiritual realm

    whoa!

    i KNEW that



  241.  #241Leo on December 5, 2010 at 10:46 pm

    I feel good this morning!
    But also sad about how i was feeling this past weekend.
    My best friend and her daughter (2years old) were visiting me and my man. He is very cute with children and the little loved him a lot.
    He has a daughter that lives with the mother and he sees her like every two weeks or so.
    For me those situations are hard. I feel jealous for not getting the attention I want, and then I feel mad about me wanting this attention.

    There he is a biiiiig trigger to me. In those situations I always get reminded of when I was living at home.
    I have a brother (older), and two step-siblings (both older). So I have always been the little one. And often it is very hard still, cause when we all are visiting our parents I still get treated like the little little child who doesnt know anything and who’s answers or statements get ignored.

    And during this weekend when my man cared for m friend’s daughter, or his own, I get triggered and feel this same feeling. Especially if he tells me something to do, like: Oh she also needs the scarf. Usually I would be okay with this, he just told me so I won’t forget. But when I feel like I am treated still like a child who doesnt know anything, then I get mad.

    So I felt like that for 2 hours when we were sight-seeing…. I didn’t know how to handle it and act around him.
    I just pulled back walked a little aside from them and kinda minded my own business.
    Later I told him what I feel like and he didn’t understand. He kept saying that I am accusing him of treating me like that, where I had to respond: No, but somehow I get remined of the feeling at home (and he knows about those situations, he has seen them, big problem).

    He just didn’t understand.
    Later, on my own, I got over it and just enjoyed the situation. Then I smiled at him and he said: You see, everything is fine. Dont know what you felt bad about earlier. its all good!

    And I kinda felt misunderstood… He totally didnt get my point. I felt sad.

    And I feel so mad that those situations from home always get to me like that. Its also a reason why I am afraid to go on a vacation with him and his daughter. I want to…but I dont.
    I want his attention then…like a child…

    This time I tried to lean back and not seem needy (which I probably was though…).

    I don’t know how to act in those situations….
    Thanks for reading, and I hope you understood my problem and maybe someone has some advice….



  242.  #242Daria on December 5, 2010 at 10:56 pm

    “Our spirit mind is continuously intending to show us that getting upset by trying to change
    something that isn’t real is the epitome of ‘effort in futility’. It took me years to stop trying to change what isn’t and focus on changing the perceiver – me.”

    ~ Mary Croft



  243.  #243Daria on December 5, 2010 at 10:59 pm

    Leo – keep loving yourself and talking to yourself and reassuring yourself when you feel that way… hug your inner child

    say this too I got it from Rori

    “I hear you and I love you. I embrace. Thank you for trying to protect me. And I’m going to go on with feeling better now, and doing what makes me feel good, and what makes me Bigger, and Happier, so I can have more love and compassion to share with you and with the world. And I won’t abandon you. I promise”

    That little girl in you is looking for YOUR love… not your man’s… his will only soothe her temporarily.



  244.  #244Leo on December 5, 2010 at 11:05 pm

    Thanks Daria. I will definitely try that. Sounds lovely!!
    I am just insecure how to act with him. I don’t want to hush things up and act like everything is fine. But I want to be open to him and not close myself. But I feel sad. I don’t know how to do that.



  245.  #245Daria on December 5, 2010 at 11:18 pm

    Leo – once you are loving yourself with your words on the inside… your vibe will shift on the outside too and you will FEEL more open to him and the world



  246.  #246Stephanie on December 5, 2010 at 11:24 pm

    I feel so alone, depressed, it seems all my effort shattered to pieces…



  247.  #247Leo on December 5, 2010 at 11:25 pm

    Okay…thanks! I’ll remember that!



  248.  #248Siena on December 5, 2010 at 11:36 pm

    I feel curious how Mary Croft was able to write a book and get it published without “working”.

    No I don’t. I’m being sarcastic.

    And I also take issue with the idea that it’s a woman’s job to “drag” her man anywhere – even into the spiritual realm.
    In some circles, this is called “being your man’s Holy Spirit.”

    It’s each person’s own job to connect with God or the spiritual realm. We can inspire, encourage, entice eachother… But drag? No.

    I can imagine what life in that type of household is like!



  249.  #249Daria on December 6, 2010 at 12:01 am

    Siena – I don’t believe in working… This is before Mary croft, when I took the first lesson of the Artemis course at wise woman university. This the goddess showed me. To live.

    And Mary croft, she describes herself as cynical… It feels bad sometimes… A lot.. I don’t believe in the feel bad parts of course. But even in her imperfection she shares a lot of knowledge.

    And her book is an ebook in PDF.

    I don’t believe in dragging… I do believe that we women are closer to spirit and feelings and in a way this is what Rori’s work is to me



  250.  #250Rosa on December 6, 2010 at 12:07 am

    Hmmm ..I leaned back re G-man who had withdrawn his offer to come and stay . Feeling messages as reported previously here and ended with “I feel disappointed , I felt let down when I discovered the memorial service was this weekend (yesterday- this was the reason he gave for not coming- a lie) not next as you implied. I dont want half truths between us. Blessings to you and your Mum for the service .Thank you for visiting me in hospital ”

    I laid low . Today i got 3 texts and a request to phone me . He NEVER phones. he is in Auckland , i am in Sydney , 3 hrs flight away. He is calling back in an hour . His MOTHER (my friend) also called me while I was out today.

    I think he will be trying to come and see me again with all this contact this afternoon. I dont know what to say if he does. I dont want him here out of guilt or to because he feels he “owes” me. I feel anxious about it all now. I do think he feels bad for letting me down /. I am trying to lean back and get back into RECEIVING mode. He does love to be a hero.

    “I feel confused. I feel awkward about this .It would feel good to see you and have your help. It would be a relief. I dont want any difficulties between us. What do you think?”

    Hmmmm….



  251.  #251Golden on December 6, 2010 at 12:28 am

    Rosa, looks like yr feeling msgs worked. Problem with feeling msgs is that it sounds very serious and like not fun. I hv always bn very witty and funny with my correspondences with guys. So it may not really sound like me.



  252.  #252Katnina on December 6, 2010 at 1:17 am

    Rosa, I like the way you wrote your feeling message about him coming to help you!
    If he feels bad about letting you down, then now he is trying to feel good by coming to help you.
    This is my perspective, but it doesn’t seem to me like he is texting & calling out of feelings of guilt or obligation. It seems like he wants to feel good by being a hero to you!
    What do you think/feel?



  253.  #253Rosa on December 6, 2010 at 2:01 am

    Golden ,

    I agree totally.
    He called me , actually his Mum called me ..she said all the right things about hoping I was getting better, then she spelled out that she had made an error in the dates for the memorial service.

    She actually apologised that her error had caused a problem (it did).

    I said to him then ” Thank you, I feel relieved to hear this, it will feel really good to see you. I knew there was a good reason. ”

    We were both quiet and shy on the phone . He is coming Wednesday , for 2 days , my birthday is Thursday. We go back a long way and have shared a lot of the last 5 years. There will be no sex , but I already know the essential detail ,that is , my good opinion of him is essential at this point of time, to him. YAAAAYYYYY!

    Dont forget he has a” GF “also in Sydney – Long distance relationship. None the less he felt it important to stay the hero in my eyes and he actually enlisted his Mums help..i am still amazed by this. The silly man loves me a great deal, he just cant do a real relationship.

    I am going to keep the feeling messages rolling..
    he is on the back of my saddle.

    Yes !



  254.  #254Katnina on December 6, 2010 at 2:09 am

    Yaaayyyy Rosa!



  255.  #255Senior Lady Vibe on December 6, 2010 at 5:15 am

    @252: Rosa says:
    “…The silly man loves me a great deal, he just cant do a real relationship…”

    “can’t do a real relationship” so far… If you keep leaning back but giving feeling messages and being open and sweet…who knows?!

    “…he is on the back of my saddle…

    …and scooting up closer to you… 😀

    Yes !

    YES!

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  256.  #256Senior Lady Vibe on December 6, 2010 at 6:03 am

    @211: tinque says:

    “…There was a sweater coat I saw that I want to make in block stripes with any and every color I can imagine, red, deep purple, lavender, royal blue, buttercup yellow, cream, dusty pink, emerald green, and anything which inspires at the time. xxoo…”

    I’ve been looking at this pattern and various projects in which it was used. It’s fabulous! It has my favorite construction method, knit from the top down in one piece with raglan sleeves. I love that!!!

    The simple clean design would make a wonderful coat-of-many-colors. And good project for travel (better with one color though to avoid all those little balls hanging off) because it’s all in stockinette, purl side out.

    I don’t know how to do the kind of cast on required either (provisional or cable) … so maybe a good time to learn.

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  257.  #257Rosa on December 6, 2010 at 6:15 am

    SLV

    tonight I suddenly saw G-Man as he is , as he has become since I met him .. Sir Geoffrey in fact.

    He is a Knight of Old , loves to be off to battle somewhere , even if his armour is a little rusty and creaky at the joints 🙂

    He loves to be gallant,
    He loves to be honourable , noble, good and true.
    .
    He loves to be strong and potent in the affairs of the world , and with his women.

    He has been given to wenching and mead as distractions along the road especially as a younger knight. He sought independence and glory. But now these victories seem hollow and at odds with his true nature . He feels himself changing as his hair becomes silvered.

    What he restlessly seeks is to find himself ,and this requires him to swear fealty to that maiden whose image he carries very deep in his heart behind that steely armoured breast. He will give his heart and his love to no other.

    She is wise and beautiful, noble, calm, magnetic and pure. She allows him her favour and he rides to battle with it tucked next to his heart..He swears alliegence and will protect her with his life. This knight will cross stormy seas and ride long roads to comply with her summons or aid her in her need.

    So as these archetypes settle themselves in my dreams and my consciousness..I begin to feel excited.

    Because I know now what he is seeking , and by giving less, by holding myself nobly strong yet delicately soft , by allowing him to approach and welcoming him with the power of a glance and the warmth of a smile , by just BEING , that Lady that he seeks I am actually giving him the chance to truly BE the Knight that he is.

    This is a powerful powerful metaphor and image for me , i am going to dream it as I go off to sleep now ,the next “task” he must undertake, the next test of true valour…etc…ummm I get it !!!!!

    Lady Rosalind of the long gold hair and the White Roses Is a TOTAL Rockstar Siren..YAAAYY!



  258.  #258Rosa on December 6, 2010 at 6:20 am

    But Not as Sirenly as The Gorgeous SLV who is mistress of the flippy skirt and the sexy wrap. She is now creating beauty and warmth and life treasures all around her. 🙂 🙂 🙂



  259.  #259Dorothea on December 6, 2010 at 6:34 am

    LI has “broken up with me” dramatically a few times in the past month. Every time we fight he does it. He has been trying to quit smoking, so I try to be compassionate. I have been telling him to knock it off and take it back when he does it, because I know he is just having a tantrum and it’s damaging our relationship. He comes back stronger than ever saying he loves me and wants to be with me always.

    Then the other night I told him I was feeling really shell shocked by it all and pressured to do whatever he wants because he would otherwise put me through a breakup scene again. Which hurts like HELL. I said I don’t want to feel pressured to say I love you or even kiss him, because I needed some time to heal and not to worry about whether he would do this breakup shit again.

    So he starts saying “ok…that’s fine, but stop worrying because I don’t want to leave you and I want to be with you!”. and then the conversation continued a little too far (my bad) and I said I was unhappy. And he said “me too” and started storming out. I told him not to leave. I was furious and sad he was doing this! argh! So he says he doesn’t even know if he wants to be with me. Ummm 10 minutes ago you said something completely different?

    And so this is how it has been going for us lately.

    I want to stay away from him. I am so tired of feeling not good enough. I don’t want him to leave me. I want him to love me. I want a life with him. BUT FUCK THIS. I feel awful when this happens and it carries over for days and days as I am on edge for the next time it will happen. When things are not “bad” he is an amazing man to me, but I find myself feeling on edge and on eggshells. Things feel so different now. I fear the relationship is totally ruined. I don’t want it to be.

    Will be circular dating more for sure.



  260.  #260Dorothea on December 6, 2010 at 6:37 am

    LI has “broken up with me” dramatically a few times in the past month. Every time we fight he does it. He has been trying to quit smoking, so I try to be compassionate. I have been telling him to knock it off and take it back when he does it, because I know he is just having a tantrum and it’s damaging our relationship. He requires convincing and then he comes back stronger than ever saying he loves me and wants to be with me always.

    Then the other night I told him I was feeling really shell shocked by it all and pressured to do whatever he wants because he would otherwise put me through a breakup scene again. Which hurts like HELL. I said I don’t want to feel pressured to say I love you or even kiss him, because I needed some time to heal and not to worry about whether he would do this breakup sh*t again.

    So he starts saying “ok…that’s fine, but stop worrying because I don’t want to leave you and I want to be with you!” And then the conversation continued a little too far (my bad) and I said I was unhappy. And he said “me too” and started storming out. I told him not to leave. I was furious and sad he was doing this! argh! So he says he doesn’t even know if he wants to be with me. Ummm 10 minutes ago you said something completely different?

    And so this is how it has been going for us lately.

    I want to stay away from him. I am so tired of feeling not good enough. I don’t want him to leave me. I want him to love me. I want a life with him. BUT F*CK THIS. I feel awful when this happens and it carries over for days and days as I am on edge for the next time it will happen. When things are not “bad” he is an amazing man to me, but I find myself feeling on edge and on eggshells even then. Things feel so different now. I fear the relationship is totally ruined. I don’t want it to be. I really, really don’t want it to be.

    Will be circular dating more for sure. I know that is one thing I can do to heal my heart right now. I would feel so grateful for any input here.



  261.  #261Daria on December 6, 2010 at 6:42 am

    I’m up! I will be going to do community service at the park quadruple layered up.

    I started just for a moment going into my old pattern of oh no about waking up early.., and caught myself and stopped. My guts had started churning, like I was pulling th up.., all from my thoughts!

    Now I feel relaxed watching it go from dark to light outside.

    And there was a BIGass star in the south. Is that real? It was huge!



  262.  #262Mercedes on December 6, 2010 at 6:56 am

    To all you knitters out there: Does anyone want to make me this (because there’s a good chance I have no patience for something like knitting):

    http://twistcollective.com/collection/index.php/component/content/article/60-winter-2008-patterns/147-sylvi-by-mari-muinonen

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  263.  #263Daria on December 6, 2010 at 6:56 am

    I just thought if I want to have sex which I do … It will attract it if I trim my nani an all that stuff. That always used to work haha.



  264.  #264Daria on December 6, 2010 at 6:58 am

    Oh wow Mercedes that’s freaking awesome!



  265.  #265Senior Lady Vibe on December 6, 2010 at 7:04 am

    256: Rosa says:
    “…This is a powerful powerful metaphor and image for me…”

    Good morning Rosa–I think it’s “good night” where you are. That is a beautiful story you posted; I’m getting excited and all glowy and romantic just reading it…

    A side note, I once dated a transfer student, actually two of them (his cousin too, naughty girl am I)…where there was mead in their home country, Ethiopia. It’s called “tej.” Probably an old recipe left by Queen of Sheba… 😀

    SLV



  266.  #266Senior Lady Vibe on December 6, 2010 at 7:09 am

    @257: Rosa says:
    “But Not as Sirenly as The Gorgeous SLV who is mistress of the flippy skirt and the sexy wrap. She is now creating beauty and warmth and life treasures all around her….”

    Aww, Rosa, thank you. You are sweet to say such kind words. And I’m reposting them because I am kinda vain… 😆

    SLV



  267.  #267Dorothea on December 6, 2010 at 7:13 am

    I am a big fan of vanity 😀



  268.  #268Rachel on December 6, 2010 at 7:21 am

    You ladies make me smile!



  269.  #269tinque on December 6, 2010 at 7:23 am

    Thank you SLV and Kat for all your knitting tips and suggestions. I feel overwhelmed. Maybe when I’m back in LA over Christmas, I’ll sneak off and go to a knit shop I know of, ask them to shoe me a few things.

    Mercedes – Gorgeous sweater coat. I want that one too.

    xxoo



  270.  #270Senior Lady Vibe on December 6, 2010 at 7:32 am

    @260: Mercedes says:
    “To all you knitters out there: Does anyone want to make me this (because there’s a good chance I have no patience for something like knitting):…”

    Wow! I know myself very well and it’s the kind of thing I’d start but would not finish. Beautiful but too much pattern for me. If you drop a stitch on something like this… it’s H-e-l-l…!!!

    However, there are some good things here. It looks like there is some flare at the bottom (I like “flippy”), there’s a hood and the gauge is for size 10 needles! Hooray!

    So…. if i really liked the look of it, I’d skip the intricate cabling and just make a block or couple strips of easy cables. Those traveling cables in the pic are way above my head and patience level; we won’t even speak of the flower motif.

    Tinque found a pattern for a really cool but easier to make sweater coat. It’s the “snowbird” pattern link posted on this thread. Check it out, what do you think?

    The only (slight) downside is the yarn is a little thinner and gauged for smaller size 6 needles, so making a lot MORE stitches…but do-able. I like it a lot. I think it would be very calming to knit something like the “snowbird.” And no sleeves to set in!!! Yea!

    SLV



  271.  #271Senior Lady Vibe on December 6, 2010 at 7:32 am

    Oh, pooh



  272.  #272Senior Lady Vibe on December 6, 2010 at 7:34 am

    I haven’t had coffee yet and dropping typos. Sorry….

    BRB

    SLV



  273.  #273tinque on December 6, 2010 at 7:37 am

    SLV -I have some leftover French Press (Nikita!!!) coffee. Would you like some? I think you’re close by, a train ride away, aren’t you?

    xxoo



  274.  #274Senior Lady Vibe on December 6, 2010 at 7:40 am

    @265: Dorothea says:

    “I am a big fan of vanity ..”

    Yeah, fun, isn’t it? 😆

    Dorothea, I hope you are feeling great. You can use your vanity while you are CDing. 😀

    Siren power!

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  275.  #275Mercedes on December 6, 2010 at 7:40 am

    SLV: I like both of the sweaters (the one Tinque linked to and this one) so if anyone is offering, I’ll take both. 😉

    I’m pretty sure I’ve never actually even touched knitting needles in my entire life. A crochet hook once or twice when I was little but nope…I have no idea how to knit. So…pretty much everything you said above was greek to me…but I think it get it. It’s HARD! LOL. I really would buy it though…unfortunately, the only part of it I can find for sale is the pattern. 🙁

    You ladies make me want to know how to knit. I think I decided against all of that when people who knit or crochet will says “Oh…you’re left handed? I can’t teach a lefty to knit…” LOL – We southpaws can be difficult! 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  276.  #276Senior Lady Vibe on December 6, 2010 at 7:44 am

    @: tinque says:
    “SLV -I have some leftover French Press (Nikita!!!) coffee. Would you like some? I think you’re close by, a train ride away, aren’t you?..”

    Thanks for your kind offer. Time sure flies when you’re online…it’s almost eleven so running out for a bit and getting something in the neighborhood. Rain check? 😀

    SLV



  277.  #277Soul Sista on December 6, 2010 at 7:46 am

    Mornin’! can someone please give me some feedback please…I wrote this yesterday, it’s really important, I wrote this to the man yesterday after a business communication i had to have directly with him and not his manager:

    i had to get into a business conversation with the ex-man/current music business partner and the convo turned personal and he said he shut me out lately (blocked me on facbook, not returning my calls or emails) for this eo you not up on the story, i used to be an alcoholic, severely (hospitals, detox centers) for at least a year while in our “long-distance” (imaginary) relationship:

    “…now that i am recovered, i have to move on with what i want in life…i’m not being cocky, i’m being happy. i wanted it to be with you be fate has had it thus far that our attempts to see each other have been futile. i want marriage and a couple more kids and i am 43…i’m a young 43 that’s for sure but i used to see my whole long life ahead of me and now i see the end of it coming. i hope the gods will grant me my deepest desire and the hands of fate will be kind because this is going to take sharing the deepest love, the love i thought i had with you.”

    i don’t care if it’s completely Rori correct or not…the essence of it i feel is open, loving, and Siren.



  278.  #278tinque on December 6, 2010 at 7:47 am

    You got it. Rain check it is. SLV.

    Miss Mercedes – If I get as far as making one for me, I’ll think about making one for you. It helps we’re the same size, little, less yarn, less work.

    xxoo



  279.  #279tinque on December 6, 2010 at 7:49 am

    Soul Sista – Have you sent this, or are you waiting on feedback before sending?

    xxoo



  280.  #280Soul Sista on December 6, 2010 at 8:41 am

    tinque: i sent it yesterday afternoon in the course of our conversation where he told me he blocked me and hasnt been responding because he was just diagnosed with diabetes and he’s been feeling scared and alone. and this started as a purely business conversation, as i said if i didn’t start hearing back on some important business matters that, for better or worse, i had to hear from HIM not his mgr (decisions she can’t make) i was going to walk away from our music. he told me that now i am sounding like i’m getting “cocky” talking about walking away from our work, when after several attempts to contact him, about business, he ignored me.

    so, i sent that…now he knows in no uncertain terms what i am going to have in terms of a relationship, the conversation turned personal like i said and i just felt it was time to lay it on the line and tell him. i have not been freaking out since then, it feels more like a relief.

    and i don’t mean “i don’t care if it’s Rori correct or not” i do care that it is appropriate, respectful to him and myself.

    i haven’t heard back from him…i’m still at “CD 1″‘s house…he ended up trying to have sex with me after giving me a massage last night (i hurt my back maybe dragging the xmas tree out of the woods). i had to keep saying no but things are cool and i slept in his daughter’s room. note to self: say up front i don’t do casual sex.

    everything is cool.



  281.  #281Soul Sista on December 6, 2010 at 10:30 am

    ugh…god…now he woke up and things are cool til he asks me if i want to join him in the shower…

    so, i said, nothing personal but intimate sexual activity for me, is reserved for relationships.



  282.  #282tinque on December 6, 2010 at 10:38 am

    Soul Sista – It was an okay message, got your point across in a non-accusatory way, could have had some more feeling messages, but it was okay, good even.
    xxoo



  283.  #283Brenda on December 6, 2010 at 10:43 am

    Soul Sista,

    What you wrote sounds beautiful!

    Congratulations on your recovery!



  284.  #284Brenda on December 6, 2010 at 10:45 am

    “Good morning!” I slept in until 12:15 pm! Wow, did I need that! Felt fantastic! I am so backlogged on everything, even sleep. I think God knew I needed a break to catch up on myself.

    I feel much more at peace with being where I am at: working on myself and putting a relationship with a man on hold. I am dressing up when I go out, and I am meeting new men at church. Mostly, I am enjoying my infrequent contact with Ryan.

    I miss a lot of Sirens I haven’t seen on here lately.



  285.  #285Soul Sista on December 6, 2010 at 11:00 am

    tinque, brenda & ladies RE#278:

    thank you…i was going on limited skill in feeling messages but i needed to communicate the essence of what i said at that time, it was the appropriate moment.

    so, now i keep riding my horse…the guy i been hanging out with has been a gentlemen, we’ve been having fun and even when he got out of the shower after i rejected his offer to take a shower with him he keeps taking care of, being nice and being funny.

    if any of you are wondering i am still here because of scheduling with his kids (who we had been hanging out with after the xmas tree cutting outing) and now he is at school. i am in his beautiful brand new home watching movies and he will bring me back up to Mt. Shasta in the AM.



  286.  #286Soul Sista on December 6, 2010 at 12:23 pm

    in terms of feeling messages…um, right now i feel pissed off, i just want to get some business things handled and i don’t give a rat’s ass what his personal drama is.



  287.  #287tinque on December 6, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    In business Soul Sista, you want to be wearing your boy hat.
    xxoo



  288.  #288Rori Raye on December 6, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Stephanie – Tell us more so we can help? Love, Rori



  289.  #289Isis on December 6, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    Someone mentioned that Rori says dates should be only 30 minutes? Where is that mentioned? Is that for lunch/coffee dates?

    Argh I really want to contact bio dad… haven’t heard from him since thanksgiving……

    Actually, I need to contact him to ask if his mom would still want to have the early xmas on the 18th.

    Thanksgiving day I called him, as we rarely EVER talk by phone, and I rarely ever initiate contact. We had a great conversation. When he told me his mom offered to have an early xmas on the 18th incase man-who-likes-me and I were going to his family’s for xmas, I said no bc I wanted everyone to get together here. and I said I wanted to see him (bio dad) for xmas. he said “i want to see you for christmas toooo” …that felt so good.

    when I got home late that night he messaged me the instant I signed on. he asked how the rest of the night was, and i was honest, and mentioned a disagreement i had with man-who-likes-me. he asked how I left it, and I explained my point of view, which I thought was very sensible, and he said it sounded reasonable, if I remember correctly. Anyway, the rest of our convo went fine.. but I haven’t heard from him since.. he posted a couple times on fb, to which I commented once or twice, but no word from him. I know he is road tripping to get down here, he is with two friends from the farm he was at in canada. but he has a decent phone with a way to get online. I guess a lot of where he may be driving through may not have service but at the point we left off he was in p’land and about to make it to san francisco. the big desert of san francisco.

    urgh. and I feel like i shouldnt contact him because of the long stretch without word from him, but i need to ask about christmas, because I think i want to have the early xmas as an option now regardless of what I actually do on the 25th. I think I may take man-who-likes-me to an early xmas, he needs to meet them, he deserves it. It would feel good to make sure he is appreciated… if i can just make this easy..

    I still feel weird about arriving or leaving with man who likes me, but its an hour and a half drive.

    I want bio dad to feel important.. I want to keep the possibility of a relationship with him. so I don’t want to make him feel emasculated or weird… nahdg;alt;/lkwahjreg?!!!

    What do you ladies think?



  290.  #290Isis on December 6, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    Daria: Thanks for the quotes and things you’re posting up. I don’t know who mary croft is, but after this quote:

    You’ve heard stories of wives who go off to work and, after commute/ clothing/ childcare expenses along with what the gov’t confiscates in income tax, the family is actually farther behind in net income. What were they thinking? I have enough trouble with the concept of anyone ‘working’ but particularly women. Their job in life is huge enough; – that of dragging their men from the ‘world’ into the spiritual realm. I haven’t even touched upon the time and energy consumption of minding children and creating a home.”

    ~ mary croft

    I am in love with her.



  291.  #291Lucy on December 6, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    I feel AWFUL reading this: “Their job in life is huge enough; – that of dragging their men from the ‘world’ into the spiritual realm.”

    No no no I do NOT want a man who needs me to drag him from the world into the spiritual realm!

    Is this the kind of man we are talking about when we say “masculine energy man”?

    If so, I definitely want a “feminine energy man”!

    This factor — needing to be dragged from the world into the spiritual realm — is precisely the attraction-killer for me with most men.

    The rare man who is ALREADY IN the spiritual realm is the man I find compelling and attractive. That man is the one I feel both safe and excited with.

    Hmm. Maybe this is why I can tell even before meeting a man whether or not I will feel attracted — I can sense his spirit.



  292.  #292tinque on December 6, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    Yes Lucy I agree. I don’t believe though that masculine energy men need to be dragged anywhere. If they’re not already in the spiritual, they will come along with you willingly whether they’re aware of this or not.
    xxoo



  293.  #293Simply Shannon on December 6, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    Dragging feels like a nasty word, doesn’t it? Dragging feels like work to me. Puuulllll like a work horse. Forcing a man to do something he isn’t already interested in doing. Nope.

    I believe we magnetize a man into the spiritual/feeling world. I don’t believe this is about encouraging a man in his faith or “spirit”. To me, it’s being who I am in my spirit, in my feelings, which he wants MORE of and is drawn to, magnetized with little effort on my part. By watching me, he’s able to to out of his head. To feel safe to wonder in his body and mine.

    Ohhh… delish!

    BTW, I’ve noticed people at work using “I feel” more often. Had a guy say “I don’t want you to feel pressured…” about this task we were doing together. Hehe! I am a magnet! 😉



  294.  #294Senior Lady Vibe on December 6, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    @289: Isis says:

    “…I think I may take man-who-likes-me to an early xmas, he needs to meet them, he deserves it. It would feel good to make sure he is appreciated… if i can just make this easy..I still feel weird about arriving or leaving with man who likes me, but its an hour and a half drive….”

    I don’t get why the man you are living with is to be appreciated by the father of your child and his family?

    As described by you he’s a roommate with benefits and hasn’t made a commitment to take care of you or your child. I’d leave him at home and have the date with your child’s father and his family which is also your child’s family, nothing to do with other men you are dating.

    … I want to keep the possibility of a relationship with him. so I don’t want to make him feel emasculated or weird… nahdg;alt;/lkwahjreg?!!!
    What do you ladies think?

    In your own words, you sense the “possibility of a relationship” not that you “have a relationship.” I see no reason for him to feel emasculated or weird. He has not committed to you, and doesn’t feel weird about not inviting you to a New Year’s Eve celebration. He’s leaning back, you’re leaning forward… IMHO, of course.

    Whatever, you decide, happy holidays. Take lots of pics for everyone.

    I’ve had two guys at holidays a few times but they’ve come to me rather than me going to them but I had set up my own household so that makes a difference. If you could make independence a goal for 2011, having your own household (even if its being roommates with another single mother), it might make things easier for you and the men in your life. Just my own point of view.

    xoxoxo
    SLV



  295.  #295The Nikita Show on December 6, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    I drag myself to work



  296.  #296The Nikita Show on December 6, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    Hi Isis,

    I don’t know what all has been going on but I really like SLV’s most recent comment.

    I would feel way better spending Xmas with my “real” dad as opposed to some man my mom has an “imaginary relationship” with. If I’m a boy -I’m watching the men my mother is attracted to-and learning what it means to BE a man from ALL men in my environment. I also learn how a woman “likes” / “accepts” being treated.

    Imho



  297.  #297Lucy on December 6, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    Thanks for your comments, Tinque and Shannon.

    So it has nothing to do with whether a man is masc or fem energy? Okay. I’m still trying to discern what exactly is the difference btwn the two so I can know which I want.

    Shannon, I feel interested in your comments bc I think I feel differently about part of what you said —

    I feel turned off on a date when the man seems mesmerized, magnetized, bewitched, and fascinated by my spirituality. My ex-h STILL gets that way around me when I’m in spiritual mode — he actually adores that about me and says he always loves experiencing that part of me. But that reaction from a man causes me to feel a “friend vibe” toward him. And I feel like I am some sort of alien creature to him — beautiful, but alien. So I feel turned off, disconnected.

    But when a man responds to my spirituality with a calm smile of recognition, I feel completely and utterly drawn to him — it feels like finding a fellow traveler in a foreign country who speaks the same language I do — which gives me a feeling of safety, excitement, adventure, and love.



  298.  #298Senior Lady Vibe on December 6, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    Rori post:

    What’s Going Wrong In Your Relationship and How To Fix It
    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/whats-going-wrong-in-your-relationship-and-how-to-fix-it/

    Monday, 6 December 2010 @ 7:58am

    Oops 😳 I forgot to look…I’m going to read it now…

    SLV



  299.  #299Isis on December 6, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    Stephanie: Saw your message that you are sad. What happened??

    Daria: ““I hear you and I love you. I embrace. Thank you for trying to protect me. And I’m going to go on with feeling better now, and doing what makes me feel good, and what makes me Bigger, and Happier, so I can have more love and compassion to share with you and with the world. And I won’t abandon you. I promise””

    Leo – once you are loving yourself with your words on the inside… your vibe will shift on the outside too and you will FEEL more open to him and the world”

    Great advice to Leo and thanks for the reminder.

    Siena: I agree, we don’t “drag” a man anywhere. I read that quote as that maybe Mary Croft felt bitter about the difficulty or resistance she was met with, but I do believe it is part of our purpose in life, to live our lives in such a way that we bring those close to us closer to God. So that is how I read it. Thanks for making that point though, as I fully agree with you.

    Daria says: “And Mary croft, she describes herself as cynical… It feels bad sometimes… A lot.. I don’t believe in the feel bad parts of course. But even in her imperfection she shares a lot of knowledge.”

    well, there ya go. Take what we can and leave the rest =)

    Golden: I wish I could figure out how to be more funny/witty with my feeling messages…

    For example I have difficulty often telling my roommate what I would like.. I get frustrated because he doesn’t clean the stove after he cooks and makes a mess. He leaves his dishes everywhere, crumbs everywhere, trash on the floor after I have JUST cleaned up… and I like it to be clean when man-who-likes-me gets home because HE LIKES IT CLEAN and SO DO I. It makes a much more comfortable and enjoyable environment, in fact I can’t THINK unless it’s clean and organized. But I have mentioned to my roommate several times, such things, in both serious and joking ways. But i have had problems figuring out, in the past, HOW to say it, and had to ask man-who-likes-me for advice, which he keeps thinking is me asking HIM to do it (which it’s not. It’s just sharing my feelings and frustration and asking for his input). The problem is that I want to say something but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or cause them to feel closed off. Why would they? I don’t know- but sometimes they do. So I wish I were able to think of more lighthearted ways to communicate feeling messages while still getting across that I DO MEAN THEM. If you are any good at this, I would love to hear your thoughts about feeling messages here. 🙂



  300.  #300Isis on December 6, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    shannon: “I believe we magnetize a man into the spiritual/feeling world. I don’t believe this is about encouraging a man in his faith or “spirit”. To me, it’s being who I am in my spirit, in my feelings, which he wants MORE of and is drawn to, magnetized with little effort on my part. By watching me, he’s able to to out of his head. To feel safe to wonder in his body and mine.”

    i think you said what i mean. 🙂



  301.  #301Isis on December 6, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    SLV –

    “I don’t get why the man you are living with is to be appreciated by the father of your child and his family?”

    Because he has given me a place to live throughout this time, as well as paid my bills the first three months after having the baby, paid for the midwife ($3000) as well as went to all of the appointments with me, and continues to pay for everything the baby needs. He also pays for my rent, currently. We believed the baby was ours, and only found out after he was born that he wasn’t. He named the baby. He loves him and does want a connection with him no matter what we decide for us.

    The biological father has been away in another country doing some education, and is now in the process of moving back here. He has no money to offer right now, and will be living an hour and a half away until he can get himself set up in my town.
    However I and the biological father both appreciate all that my partner has done and is doing. My son will be fortunate if he can say that he has twice the love which is twice as much as most kids these days can say.

    “I’d leave him at home and have the date with your child’s father and his family which is also your child’s family, nothing to do with other men you are dating.”

    the man I live with and I have considered ourselves family for a long time, and operate together as a family. We have children we raise together also. I have an adopted 8 year old son who is now living with his biological mom (because they want to) and has been for the last two years for the most part. I have an 11 year old step daughter and now our new little one, 6 months old, who turns out to have a different biological father. A few people refer to me as my partner’s wife, and although that feels good, and it feels good when my partner does it, I realize that from him it is only words until it is a consistent agreement. Currently I realize I am free to date anyone I please.

    But as I was saying, we have been living together as family and began having some issues about a year ago. In any case, I consider his family my family, as they also consider me part of theirs, and so his family is also my son’s family. We haven’t been able to fill them all in yet on the situation, we want to do it in person.

    (((on a sidenote, and I am not my men’s therapist, at all, but I have been wondering if some things going on with man-who-likes-me (that I live with) have anything to do with adoption, as he was adopted.)))

    “””In your own words, you sense the “possibility of a relationship” not that you “have a relationship.” I see no reason for him to feel emasculated or weird. He has not committed to you, and doesn’t feel weird about not inviting you to a New Year’s Eve celebration. He’s leaning back, you’re leaning forward… IMHO, of course.”””

    let me clarify… i was talking about the other man- the biological father- i would like to keep the possibility of a relationship with *him*.

    It is *man-I-live-with* who is going out for NYE.

    I am completely secure that bringing the man-I-live-with to the early christmas with bio dad’s family will have no negative effect on the relationship with man-I-live with. It was bio dad I was thinking of, who I want to keep open the possibility of a relationship, since I would presumably arrive with man-I-live-with and leave the same way.

    And yes I agree that living separately would likely make things easier as long as I am seeing multiple people.

    However, truth be told, we are all a little strange….

    Feeling it out….



  302.  #302Isis on December 6, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    SLV

    Thanks for the xoxoxoxo. I felt your kindness. Thank you for being so helpful and listening and offering advice.

    And yes I will try to take a lot of pics.
    That is why I wanted to have xmas at my home with all family involved- man-i-live-with family, bio dad family and my family- to have them all together so he could see how loved he is and that we are all together on this and care about each other.

    But alas, it will be a trip here and a trip there.. but still a good xmas.

    oh to see what the future brings.



  303.  #303Isis on December 6, 2010 at 5:25 pm

    Nikita-

    the baby is 6 months and thus far knows “man-I-live-with” as his only father. he will get to know bio dad now, hopefully we will see him for the first time (since I was 5 months pregnant) in the next week or so.

    I do agree with being cautious of what my children see me accept though. I have been very careful of that with my son who is 8, who lives now for the most part with his biological mom- however she has a terrible boyfriend. sigh. 🙁

    Also SLV I didn’t mention, man-I-live with delivered my son also.



  304.  #304Isis on December 6, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    Soul Sista- awkward moment!!! Not sure quite how to throw in “I’m not into casual sex” in conversation ..but yeah it would feel better to know that that was “out there” so it didn’t come up later.

    Glad he maintained his balance when you did not take him up on his offer to shower.

    <3



  305.  #305The Nikita Show on December 6, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    Lucy needs to start a men’s ministry since they love her spirituality 🙂

    Lol-

    Maybe God’s telling u somethin 😉

    Hehehe



  306.  #306Brenda on December 6, 2010 at 8:45 pm

    Nikita,

    LOL! Love it! I wanna start a Sex Ministry! Just kiddin!



  307.  #307Brenda on December 6, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    God knows what I think and feel anyway, so why try to hide it from Him? I talk to Him about penises, sex, and all my silly thoughts. He loves me and it cracks Him up sometimes! He has a great sense of humor!



  308.  #308Lucy on December 6, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    nikita are you making fun of me?



  309.  #309The Nikita Show on December 6, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    Brenda,

    XXXchurch is interesting, have you heard of it?

    Lucy,

    No



  310.  #310Brenda on December 6, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    Nikita.

    You sound serious. Ok, I’ll check it out.



  311.  #311Brenda on December 6, 2010 at 9:17 pm

    Ok, it’s to help those addicted to porn.

    Nude art is what I recommend to men.



  312.  #312Stephanie on December 6, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    Isis – i have a bf who just went for vacation in his homeland and when he came back his already engaged (he is a muslim and i am a christian) His mother set up the engagement and he cant say no to his mom. (wer his mom is always sick and he said he will do everything to make her mom happy…and this is it….got engaged to a woman he even dont know) i feel so bad…it really hurts… i invest money times and many things for this relationship…and just gone like that…. He said and i know he love me much… but now wer is that love….i am so stupid…i feel so alone…. oh yeah.. i should move on… i cant do anything about it.. just accept the fact…but it seems start a new one will take time again..i am afraid.. or i say i lost my confidence is some ways… ..

    Rori – i read your articles…. but as of now… i dont know wer or how to start…



  313.  #313Dorothea on December 6, 2010 at 10:18 pm

    ohhh stephanie, i feel for you. sending you my love



  314.  #314thirtyseven on December 7, 2010 at 8:42 am

    rosa –

    “i feel like, why do other people get to have “normal” realtionships in which their bfs are not filming 70′s style mock porn promo spots starring their ex girlfriend? i don’t even want to log on to facebook today because i’m sick to even see all the comments on his page about her tits. i feel disgusted.”

    How exactly are you choosing this abnormal relationship then i wonder???
    ——————————————–
    i loved hearing your advice, thank you. it helps to know that someone else gets it.

    i am choosing this abnormal relationship bc every other facet of it is good. great. fantastic. this man loves me and tells me he wants me to feel safe and that his heart melts when he sees me sleep and that he would do anything for me. and through the entire duration he has stepped up, done all the work/initiating, etc. we have FUN together, and it’s just easy. when we got together i literally heard in my head “to go where it’s easy” because our whole courtship was so bs-free, and, by the book, according to rori. in fact, i feel like a complete success story on the whole…….. i just can’t stomach his ex.

    talked to him saturday night about thie situation. i said the anecdote about her boob-bouncing & nipple-showing ruined my dinner. i said i felt an entire ocean of distance between us at the table and i’ve never felt that awkward with him. i said it hurts me at a gut level to hear stories about the intimate bits of an ex of the man that i care about. i told him that every time he tells me a story about her or he says he is going to meet her for xyz……. it kills my connection & attraction for him. i told him he otherwise makes me feel so good…… and it hurts me that the only arguments we’ve ever had were set on by events involving HER.

    i said that i wanted our relationship to work and i want to be with him but i can’t hide my feelings and pretend it doesn’t bother me…….. what does he think? he agreed, and said that he loves ME and wants ME and he is committed to ME and he still can’t see why i make such an issue of her. i shouldn’t let it bother me. he said he doesn’t want her back, he is not attracted to her, this should not be a problem between us. he told me i am a strong, confident woman and he is actually surprised that i felt hurt by it. he thought i would laugh! and he said insecurity doesn’t look good on me. !!!

    he accused me of looking for a reason to sabotage what we have – – he sees it as my way of finding one single issue to cling to which would give me an excuse to walk away. i told him he couldn’t be more wrong, and that on my side of the coin, everything between us IS so good……. except for my uncomfortable feelings about her. i said that i thought as we progressed and our connection grew, i thought he would naturally move father away from her, and he agreed. he has moved away from her!! they really don’t hang out like they used to. but she is part of his cast, a character on his show, she is still his FRIEND, and friends with his friends. he said i have to find a way to not let it get to me and not give him grief about it every time bc he can’t fire her, change her character, or not use her in promo spots just because i don’t like it. i really don’t want to be that “controlling girlfriend” anyway………..

    he didn’t think the nipple was a big deal, his friends found it hilarious and compared it to elaine on seinfeld, the rep from the liquor company that the spot was filmed for loved it; i guess i’m the only one who had a bad taste in my mouth about the whole ordeal. go figure. we had a good talk and spent the weekend together and everything was awesome and back to normal…….. maybe sometimes you do just have to suck it up and swallow the small stuff for the greater good? i don’t know. evan mark katz says not to worry about exes; who cares! and that if you make an issue about a man spending time with his ex, it will only cause him to leave you for a woman who DOESN’T make an issue about his friendsahip with his ex. but i know, in my case, bf does *not* want to leave me but wants to help me find a way to not feel bothered by her. aka……. it’s my sh*t.



  315.  #315tinque on December 7, 2010 at 9:07 am

    thirtyseven – There is no such thing as a normal relationship. Each one is unique. Each man more than likely has a “thing” which feel weird, off, or maybe just makes you raise your eyebrows if only a bit or maybe makes you cringe a little or a lot.

    It’s up to you to decide if his quirk is a deal breaker. If nothing ever changes around his quirk, can you accept that?

    When you can fully accept him just as he is, he’s more likely to change though you won’t care about his quirk any longer so none of it will be relevant.

    His ex won’t go away until you can be totally okay with her no matter what she does and you can trust your man fully because you know he loves only YOU, wants only YOU.

    But her going away CANNOT be your goal.

    xxoo



  316.  #316Soul Sista on December 7, 2010 at 10:05 am

    tinque: i put my boy hat on and took care of business. i was SO pissed off that he was ignoring me, for the fact that we HAVE to talk to each other to do our work and artistically, we have to communicate to CREATE our music. christ.

    so, i was just at the end of my rope, laid it on the line that if he’s gonna ignore me i am leaving his record label. and like Rori says when she had her turnaround, i just did not care anymore. it helps that i’m here hanging out with this CD1 and he’s taking good care of me. i’m going back up the mountain sometime today.

    so, this morning, i had to email said guy i am in love with and you bet your ass he emailed me RIGHT BACK with the answers to my questions and he writes this:

    “….and remember nothing can ever change how i feel about you.. EVER… xoxoxo”

    so, i don’t know, i can’t control him nor do i want to. i love him but i’m gonna keep circular dating and have fun…because i also told him point blank that i am going to get married and have a couple more kids. he didn’t respond to that but i guess he’s got a lot to chew on at this point.

    it’s a GORGEOUS day here in Redding, CA i am gonna miss California and i am gonna miss the mountain 🙁



  317.  #317tinque on December 7, 2010 at 10:17 am

    YAY Soul Sista…
    xxoo



  318.  #318Isis on December 7, 2010 at 10:44 am

    Bio dad’s mom offered on thanksgiving to do an early christmas on the 18th. I said no bc I wanted to have christmas with all families at my house,

    Now I have decided I want to keep the option open to choose later what to do on christmas DAY.

    And as it stands I have communicated with man-i-live-with that I will most likely not go to our (his) family’s for xmas.

    QUESTION:
    Do you guys think it’s ok to contact bio dad to request if his mom would still reinstate her offer to have an early christmas? (Since he hasn’t said a word to me since thanksgiving?!????)

    (I feel afraid that it would pressure her if I went back and said yes to the early christmas now since it’s 2 wks away…do you think it’s too late to ask to still do this? :cringe:)

    When I ask about bio dad’s mom offer to do an early christmas, Should I say any feeling message about him not contacting me?

    I am wondering why I haven’t heard from him since thanksgiving, and if I said something that bothered him or if everything is ok between us?… still- I don’t want that long to go by without hearing from him! I want to speak with him regularly. What do I say?

    How’s this for a start….

    I feel hesitant to ask because I want everything to be easy for your mom, but would she still want to do an early christmas on the 18th?

    (I think that sounds good).

    I also want to communicate my sadness/uncertainty about not hearing from him all this time, not even a text, since thanksgiving..unusual..
    and say something that shows that i might like to spend christmas DAY with just him, – allow him to ask me to do something with him… express my interest.
    How do I finish this?



  319.  #319Simply Shannon on December 7, 2010 at 11:10 am

    Thirtyseven – Mercedes and I both share a boundary in which we would not be with a man who has opposite sex friends who are not also OUR friends.

    Would you be willing to consider a friendship with this woman? Or at least getting to know her? That might help you see how wrong “they” are together and ease your mind.

    This is me trying to think of other solutions. The answer may not be black and white (i.e. either he’s friends with her or not). Ya know?



  320.  #320Simply Shannon on December 7, 2010 at 11:12 am

    Isis, I like the wording you liked but I have to wonder if this is leaning forward since you haven’t heard from him. I wouldn’t send it out of the blue. I would only respond to him connecting with you first.

    What do you think?



  321.  #321LonePlum on December 7, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    Isis 318

    I sense her invitation to meet the baby on the 18th has nothing to do with her son’s feelings for you, she only wants to enjoy her grand son.

    Her son might want to see you again or he might not want to see you again, it is not related to the fact she wants to hug her grand son.

    I would call her directly and say what you said in your feeling message.

    Besides, speaking to her you will know if anything happened to her son. You said he never staid silent so long?

    If she is still OK with the 18th, I would let her organize her own party.

    She knows if she wants to invite her son on the 18th, and her son knows if he wants to attend the meeting she is organizing.

    Take a breath, stop wanting to feel for others.
    Stop assuming what would be good for each.
    BREATH 🙂

    First real step
    there is a grand mother who told you simply she is there for the baby, on the 18th.

    Take it, it is a gift for your baby.

    Forget the bio dad, today he is an imaginary dad.
    The grand mother seems to want to be real, take her.

    And breath

    stop trying to make things happen

    Let the people define themselves
    You can’t do much about it.

    Accept what is real which is the grand mother’s invitation.

    Only time will tell how real is bio Dad.

    And try to make the difference between the interest you wish he’d show for the baby and the interest you wish he’d show you.

    xxx



  322.  #322Simply Shannon on December 7, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    Plum, how are you feeling? I’ve been wondering about you.



  323.  #323Isis on December 7, 2010 at 5:08 pm

    Shannon: “Isis, I like the wording you liked but I have to wonder if this is leaning forward since you haven’t heard from him. I wouldn’t send it out of the blue. I would only respond to him connecting with you first. What do you think?”

    I completely agree with you- the only reason I consider it is because it is a change of plans.. to something he asked me earlier….

    LonePlum.. Thanks so much for taking the time to respond to me! I feel heard, but not sure I feel understood.. I felt confused about a few things in your message, so I will clarify as I am best able to…

    What part of my message sounded like I thought the invitation from biodad’s mother had anything to do with his feelings for me?

    Of course it doesn’t; however he DOES have feelings for me. Therefore I was considering this back in the message where I was determining how to handle the interaction of going to see him AND bringing man-i-live-with. How this would affect things; basically including two men on one date, in a way. lol.

    They extended the thoughtful invitation of an early xmas with consideration so that I could go to man-i-live-with’s family for actual day of Christmas if I want to.

    Bio dad does want to see me, absolutely. He is very interested in our son and he loves me, we will see how he steps up for me in actions. Now that he is moving back to my town, this is a realistic option for him.

    I love your suggestion to call his mother directly to let her know, but I do not have her number.

    I wish I *could* contact his mother directly.. but since I can’t it seems I have to contact *him* to change plans.

    I am sure nothing happened to him, other than that he is on a 3000 mile roadtrip. I just wish he’d say something by text. It could be that the last leg of the trip thru the desert just has no service. :shrug: Just think he could have said something before he got to that point, but he’s been very prompt about explaining himself or any lack of contact to me recently. I’ll let you all know what he says…

    I am wondering if I wasn’t very clear in my message, but there is no uncertainty that he is going to be there for our christmas visit. we’re having christmas so we can let her see the baby. he will be there without doubt. he can’t wait to get here.

    the only person whose presence was in question was man-i-live-with, who *I* may or may not invite. And most likely I will- because he has done much to be appreciated for in caring for baby and me.

    “Forget the bio dad, today he is an imaginary dad.
    The grand mother seems to want to be real, take her.”

    Again maybe my message was not clear, because I’m confused…
    If she is real because she offered to have a get together, he is just as real; We already had plans to spend time together, with or without his mom. He wants to see the baby, they want to see the baby too, but he also wants to see me. He wants to see ME for Christmas. And the baby. She is only inviting us to do it at HER HOUSE.

    I feel excited.

    “stop trying to make things happen” – I am trying to learn the best way to handle having two men whom I date both know each other and interact due to our son.

    “try to make the difference between the interest you wish he’d show for the baby and the interest you wish he’d show you.”

    I’m not clear what I’ve said that you perceived as not clear about the difference between desire for interest in me or the baby.

    He is fully interested in the baby, there is no wishing there. He is coming here to live. He can’t stop talking about the baby.

    As for me, he is very certainly interested in me, I just don’t know what level he is willing to step up to (a *committed* relationship). He has been living in several other states most of the time we’ve known each other.

    What I was asking was, I feel uncertain about whether or not I should contact him to let him know change of plans (-but that’s the only way to do it), and of exactly how to word my surprise that I haven’t heard from him since thanksgiving, after much regular contact. Because to say nothing would be stuffing it, if I have to talk to him to modify plans anyway. I wouldn’t be surprised about no message with the road trip if it weren’t for the fact that at some point for two or three days at least, I’m sure he was in an area that had service and he could have texted me.

    Alright, ladies, more later. I have a lot of work to do on this dream interpretation thing as well as dinner to make.

    <3<3<3



  324.  #324LonePlum on December 8, 2010 at 6:02 am

    Isis 323

    I call Baby’s Dad “imaginary Dad” because on this blog a man who has done absolutely nothing for you is an imaginary relationship.

    Words, calls, mails, texts, visits, wishes and sex mean nothing.

    As long as you handle your own life and your baby’s life on your own, and he does not take in charge, he is an imaginary man.

    It is a handy technical term.

    A Dad can become real.
    I hear you are hoping baby’s Dad is in his process towards responsibility 🙂

    I understood the technical part of your question to which I have no answer other than a technical one: call the Granny, she is the one organizing the party

    I was hoping you would have her name and could look her in the phone book, or you would drive to her home and leave a letter in her mail box ( if she lives in your town).
    Depending where you live you could also send a note via post mail.
    Where I live, the letter arrives the following day.

    Other than that, I would not move.

    I hear that you really want to reach him and your question is how to refer to his silence.
    It is precisely his silence that would make me keep silent.

    Well, it all depends.
    It seems that something happened in his mind when he read your last msn convo.
    He read something that let him perplex.
    Any further advice would depend on what you last wrote on msn.

    xxx



  325.  #325thirtyseven on December 8, 2010 at 8:56 am

    simply shannon – yes, i was absolutely open to befriending her intitially. my best friend & i were just discussing this verysame thing the other night over dinner. she was with me when i first met her and she was as appalled as i was at this girl’s behavior, so over the top attention demanding and effing ridiculous…… i’m so glad she was there too and i wasn’t alone witnessing this. we both sort of sat there slack jawed in disbelief. i guess his other friends are just used to it. ?? she yelled to my friend YOU MISSED A SPOT and dug her hand into my friends plate of french fries, eating them….. we ignored her, it felt AWKWARD and was neither cute nor funny…… which only caused her to yell it louder & repeat to try to get a reaction from us. then she jumped up from the table and did an ass grinding dance into one of his friends crotch, making a spectacle of herself and yelling about “backing it up” complete with gross ass pumping actions toward his other friend. and this was in a restaurant. she also ordered a sandwich, split it in half, and brought half over to bf who was sitting at my side and made a big deal about gathering up the bits that had fallen off and SHOVING them in her mouth with an exaggerated YURRMPH sound. hey hey hey you do realize you are no longer together and havent been for almost a year now??? i was in shock. she will never be my friend. i want to be around people who are fun and make me feel GOOD, not embarrassed.

    so what do you think?

    i’ve been trying to come up with ways to get around it too, so i so appreciate your angle. i even told bf BACK THEN – october – that i had hoped to like her, but she is really just not my peeps, i feel horribly uncomfortable around her, and until she shows some respect for our relationship i will not be around her. that’s when he had a talk with her about toning it down with the touchy feelie thing, like pulling her stool over to meet his so their thighs touched. yes, she did this the first time she met me. after giving him a running start jumping wrap legs around his waist greeting, and she still persists with calling him the pet names and the constant “too close” games of touching/getting her arms wrapped around his when reaching for something/the cutesy baby talk & acting like a complete inappropriate and embarrassing fool.

    he swears that she “means no harm by it” and he seriously wonders if she is aspbergers/autistic because she has no idea that her actions are inappropriate. i think that’s buying her a very cheap way out.

    i just look the other way, knowing HIS intentions for me. i view it like, he chooses me, and all the boob bouncing, nipple flashing, scant clothing, coupling, and cutesy helium voice in the world is not going to sway his romantic affections her way. thats all i can do.

    ive met and spent time with other girls he’s dated, lots of his various friends old and new, his 28 y.o. daughter, his mother, etc etc etc and i have not encountered one other human being in his life that i DISLIKED being around on such a gut level. i can’t change her, but i can ignore her……..

    but thanks for your ear, it really feels good when you feel so lost about something.



  326.  #326LonePlum on December 8, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    Simply Shannon 322

    I feel good you thought of me, thank you 🙂

    The fear transformed in certainty I am about to own my life at last.
    Or something like that.
    Like if I was given the baton and I am the last sprinter.
    I can’t really explain yet.

    But I got news from D, my imaginary man, I was not expecting any.
    I feel like throwing up again

    xxx



  327.  #327The Nikita Show on December 8, 2010 at 10:59 pm

    Isis

    …..”.hi(read:bio dad), will you send me grand-mothers #?. I feel a sense of urgency to solidify our holiday plans as soon as possible.thx & happy trails 🙂 ”

    Optional…..(…..I feel excited to see you as well when you get back from your trip 😉 )

    -otherwise, I’d just do my duty and get grandmas contact info by other means- because this is about family and community- not a mans “feelings”…..or “silence”. I’d stay focused on the big picture- and taking pics of grandma holding baby. Because in 5 years, that IS going to matter- not dude I’m living with going to nye in Vegas without me….that’s HIS stuff.

    Nite

    The end



  328.  #328ABC on December 11, 2010 at 11:48 pm

    Rori is right.
    Get yourself out there and BE OPEN. I used to get out all the time but it didn’t help that much. I was at the market, the gym, online dating, all i attracted were either men that were unavailable or men I was not interested in.
    Then I gave up TRYING to get men, any man. I just focus on getting myself happy. I figured, getting men is a lot harder than getting myself happy. So I took some classes at community college, I joined organizations, NOT for the purpose to meet men, but to MEET ME, to get to know myself better and what I want out of life.
    As I started taking some classes and know more people–all kinds of people not just men, I started to get a sense of who I can get along, and what I like to do, and what I want in terms of my career and my future.
    I have been really enjoying this process. I let myself free, free from the pressure to meet men. I think I was so desperate to find a man to make me happy that even when a man was attracted to me and we went out on a date, he could sense that I was looking for him to make me happy. and no one likes that.
    I have someone special now. That’s after I’ve been through all of this, I’ve been through so much dating drama to eventually find what I want, and believing that I will have what I want, one day.
    The only difference was when we met, I was already happy, he was attracted to me because I was already happy. I really enjoyed my classes and so focus on my goal. I was confident, driven, and determined to be successful. I was no focus on looking for a man. I think that is the difference.



  329.  #329Yolanda on December 13, 2010 at 4:52 am

    Rori, A week ago today, my significant other, after 2 1/2 years, decided to tell me that he no longer needs me, that I need him more and that he has a lot of other girl friends.

    He is going to be 83 yrs old in a few weeks and I just turned 73 yrs old.

    This was devastating to me as he has been telling me every night after our phone conversations that he loves me.

    Please tell me what you make of this. It’s very hurtful to me and we both attend the same senior center everyday.

    Thank you.
    Yolanda



  330.  #330Rori Raye on December 14, 2010 at 9:02 am

    Yolanda, older men who are still vital are in great demand, with women all over them. You have great competition…and the way to win is to not even worry about the competition. He said clearly he picks up “need” in your energy field. Since you’re so much younger – how about you go and get a new boyfriend? Or at least flirt around? It will change your energy field and make you MORE attractive to ALL men, without having to play games at all. Love, Rori



  331.  #331kat on December 19, 2010 at 7:18 am

    Hi I’m new to this… I was reading the story of cheryl who had never had a boyfriend and I completely understood where she was coming from because I am in that situation. My mother was a control freak and was never happy unless I wasn’t. I gave up my life to please her and I let it go on for far too long. I hid myself away never going anywhere letting my shyness, lack of self esteem and insecurity take over. Then I broke away and I met this guy whose in the music industry, through a friend and I got to know him slowly and found out what a nice guy he was. He was very interested in me and at first I let him pursue me as I was scared. Then he bought a new house and was so busy with it. I began to chase him at first he was all for welcoming me over but then I got mixed messages, he was interested one minute wanted to be my friend the next. I kept pushing things, I didn’t know what to do all I knew was I had fallen head over heels for this sweet sensitive guy. Then a female friend of his tried to get me to back off as she wanted him for herself. I told him how I felt but he told me his ex had hurt him and it wasn’t fair to go out with me when he could end up hurting me too but he left the door open by saying anything should develop. Then 2 months later I found out he broke up with his female friend. She had chased him and backed him into a corner by demanding he at least give it go. I was devastated but he didn’t understand why. We didn’t speak for over a month. I went to a party he invited me to, I didn’t even speak to him I was so nervous, I danced with his friend and chatted to people. He could not take his eyes off me. We met up again I did the same thing again months later and he was interested but then I began to chase again and he backed off completely. We met again 2 months later and he was interested again when I wasn’t all over him. I had been talking to other men trying to get over him but we began chatting and I knew I still felt the same way. He was so pleased when I got a job in his town and was looking for a place to live and he suggested places by him. When I didn’t hear him say goodbye to me he got all upset with me. A friend got involved and it seems he’s over his ex but he wasn’t interested in me, enjoying being single. My friend told me, all hell broke loose and then he told her he had lied to her about his feelings for me. Its been 3 months since and we’re now talking a little bit. I can see now I was being driven to chasing by my insecurity which I’m working on, I bought the heart connection toolkit. I’ve no idea what to do now though but my feelings haven’t gone away. I’m so confused I’ve been chasing him and then putting up so many barriers…



  332.  #332Marisol Perry on December 21, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    Isis 318 I sense her invitation to meet the baby on the 18th has nothing to do with her son’s feelings for you, she only wants to enjoy her grand son. Her son might want to see you again or he might not want to see you again, it is not related to the fact she wants to hug her grand son. I would call her directly and say what you said in your feeling message. Besides, speaking to her you will know if anything happened to her son. You said he never staid silent so long? If she is still OK with the 18th, I would let her organize her own party. She knows if she wants to invite her son on the 18th, and her son knows if he wants to attend the meeting she is organizing. Take a breath, stop wanting to feel for others. Stop assuming what would be good for each. BREATH 🙂 First real step there is a grand mother who told you simply she is there for the baby, on the 18th. Take it, it is a gift for your baby. Forget the bio dad, today he is an imaginary dad. The grand mother seems to want to be real, take her. And breath stop trying to make things happen Let the people define themselves You can’t do much about it. Accept what is real which is the grand mother’s invitation. Only time will tell how real is bio Dad. And try to make the difference between the interest you wish he’d show for the baby and the interest you wish he’d show you. xxx



  333.  #333Nona Mills on December 22, 2010 at 9:19 am

    Isis 323 I call Baby’s Dad “imaginary Dad” because on this blog a man who has done absolutely nothing for you is an imaginary relationship. Words, calls, mails, texts, visits, wishes and sex mean nothing. As long as you handle your own life and your baby’s life on your own, and he does not take in charge, he is an imaginary man. It is a handy technical term. A Dad can become real. I hear you are hoping baby’s Dad is in his process towards responsibility 🙂 I understood the technical part of your question to which I have no answer other than a technical one: call the Granny, she is the one organizing the party I was hoping you would have her name and could look her in the phone book, or you would drive to her home and leave a letter in her mail box ( if she lives in your town). Depending where you live you could also send a note via post mail. Where I live, the letter arrives the following day. Other than that, I would not move. I hear that you really want to reach him and your question is how to refer to his silence. It is precisely his silence that would make me keep silent. Well, it all depends. It seems that something happened in his mind when he read your last msn convo. He read something that let him perplex. Any further advice would depend on what you last wrote on msn. xxx



  334.  #334Becky on January 6, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    I need your opinion on something. I’ve gone on six or seven dates with a guy that I really like and wonder how soon he’s going to have the exclusivity talk. I do not want to tell him that “I don’t want to be a girlfriend. I want to be a wife” because I want him to bring up marriage first and NOT me. I want him to think it’s his idea. Do any of you have any other scripts that don’t involve bringing up marriage/wifery which tens to scare guys?



  335.  #335Brandy on February 4, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    I have this problem. I am signed up for plenty of fish and ok cupid and I get tons of emails of interest. I find men I am interested in talked to them, we email, chat, phone calls but something I am doing keeps them from actually taking me out on dates. I get them saying I would like to take you out but they never seem to cement a time or date and they poof on me.

    I think I may have gone from clingy codependent (in prior relationships) to totally shutting down and not appearing interested enough in them.

    When I am out and about I don’t feel I usually get hit on but when I tell a man this they say impossible. You just aren’t aware they are doing so. I have started to notice a time or two that this could be true, I took men’s advances as “just being nice.”

    All my friends say they have no idea why I am single. They feel I am attractive, smart, funny and great to be around but for some reason I am throwing up walls or doing something that is sabotaging my efforts to date let alone have a lasting relationship with someone.



  336.  #336Becky on February 4, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    Hi Brandy,

    Wow, it sounds like we have a lot in common. I am at home right now feeling sorry for myself because the one guy I was truly interested in while circular dating has stopped calling. I feel sad. I feel lonely. I feel pain in my chest. I want to just stay home in bed and sleep. I have plans to go out to a climbing gym tonight but I just want to roll myself into a little ball in my bed and cry. I feel discouraged!

    I don’t know how to flirt with guys. I have such a hard time doing the “stare down” flirt where I lock eyes with a guy for five seconds. I’m shy and not very confident and every time I try to do that, I get freaked out and quickly look away. I know that this comes back to me needing to validate myself. I’m just not sure how to at this point because I feel so down.



  337.  #337Becky on February 4, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    Also, I went on a coffee date with a guy. I was already feeling so weird and sad about another guy who has stopped calling. We met at Whole Foods. He was already there and had bought his coffee. He said, “go get your coffee, and I’ll meet you over there by the tables.” And you know what, I didn’t say anything in protest. I was too tired to say, “I feel weird. It feels strange to me because I at least want to be treated to a coffee because I was asked out on a date.” Anyway, I just went ahead and bought my own damn coffee, sat down and talked to this guy who seems totally narcissistic, after 20 minutes I made up an excuse about having to leave, he said, “call me sometime.” I said, “sure, whatever.” And I left feeling worse than when I had gone in.

    I am proud of myself though for going climbing tonight. I went with a meetup group. Not a lot of single guys that caught my interest but I tried to be open and friendly and god it felt good to focus on climbing and not on thinking about guy that has stopped calling.



  338.  #338Karen on March 6, 2011 at 10:28 am

    Hi Ladies,
    It’s been a long time since I have spoken to all of you. Needed some downtime in my cave to focus on work, my son, and healing. Just getting out there again and heading to a speed dating event tonight. Any advice on what to talk about in 3 minutes or less? This should be funny!
    Karen