Don’t Let Go, Don’t Resolve, Forget Closure and Stay On Your Horse

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horsewomanHow can you move forward in your life without “letting go” of him?  And still “dump him” and “stop contact”?

This is a jump off of the last post, inspired by the comments. Here are two that sparked me:

Erika said:
“…sometimes if I ignore a guy, I actually end up thinking about him MORE. It feels all unresolved.”

Then JasonSavage said:
“I advocate resolve through actively ignoring him and simple acts of symbolic detachment.”

And Daria, too, talks about really loving having men around her and feeling good about it.

The thing here is this – J, in the letter that started the original post, does NOT feel good with the “ex” who’s contacting her at this moment.  The idea of friendship is NOT clear and easy and about …friends.  It’s all clouded and complex and involves all kinds of triggers.  And this was not a Circular Dating relationship – this was BEFORE J figured out how to Circular Date – this was an exclusive relationship with sex.  And she still feels attached and emotional – as would almost ALL of us.

I often agree with Jason on most of this –  and though it’s a very harsh view coming from me, but you can see from Jason how a man sees ANY response we make to a man — no matter what we say, if we respond, the “friendship” is “on.”

What I’m going to add to this conversation is about what Erika calls “resolve.”  This is the same as what I call “closure” – and you know I don’t believe in closure.

This is the shocking, provoking part of what I say around this kind of thing:

Don’t even TRY to IMAGINE closure.  Forget closure.  Forget resolution.  Forget tying things up in a nice bundle, all knots untied, everything smoothed out.

This is just not part of having a real, PASSIONATE life.

Needing closure is something we women have absolutely been trained for.

We are perfectionist in many ways, managing things – so much of it comes from our genes – the need to cook, watch the fire, listen for the baby, and ward off intruders all at the same time.

This need for closure is, I believe – at the bottom of all our womanly stress.

So, I also say, forget about the whole concept of “letting go.”  It’s just not a viable image.

For me – (and I have a bunch of posts on this…most with horses in the pictures…) the idea is to keep moving down your own road, stick on your path, stay with your horse, keep moving, expanding, breathing, going deeper and deeper into your feelings and your life, becoming more and more passionate about life itself – and just not allowing ANYTHING to distract you.  Not allowing anything to “capture” you and throw you off balance and off course.

You can take a memory of a man with you down your road.  You can dream about him when you sleep.  You can take from what you had with him that makes you feel good and helps you understand yourself, that helps you riff and process and expand.


I’m going to say that again.  Once a man has outlived his usefulness in his concrete, human form – once his presence makes you go backwards and into your head and out of your body and feeling not good about yourself – you don’t want him around.  Period.  You’re done.  He’s history.

But that doesn’t mean he’s left the planet, or left your psyche.

He might still be in your rock band, or in your theater company, or at your yoga class, or sweating next to you at your gym, or sitting next to you at your work.  He might be the father of your children. He might be a superstar you see on billboards and hear about from friends and strangers every day.  He could be your lawyer, or your coach, or your children’s friend’s father.

It doesn’t mean he has nothing to offer you – even if it’s only a reminder of what you DON’T want.

And it doesn’t mean you have to be especially nice to him, or welcoming, or reasonable.

And it doesn’t mean you have to notice him much, or think about him, or wonder about him, or talk about him.

It just means he’s there.  He still lives and breathes.

It’s not about “reality.”  It’s about “energy.”

And this isn’t hocus-pocus or magic, because it’s not about HIS energy – it’s about YOURS.

The simple truth is – if you stop FIGHTING your feelings for him and pull toward him, and thoughts about him – and simply REFOCUS your mind, body and heart around something NEW – something that FEELS GOOD – something that’s MEANINGFUL to you – it will overpower the energy you’re showering on this undeserving man.

So – instead of rituals and symbolic acts to LET GO of him (because then it’s STILL all about HIM…) what we need here is rituals and symbolic acts to hang onto, hold onto, embrace, worship and adore OURSELVES.

The result we’re going for is not to free HIM – but to free US.

Can you imagine what that would look like and feel like?

What would it look like and feel like to feel free as a bird around your thoughts and feelings about a man?  To be able to do what makes you happy even though thoughts of him and about him continue to intrude?

I guarantee you that if you find things to immerse yourself in – things that capture your attention in a wonderful, fulfilling and satisfying way…they will way outshine any man’s old, worn-out pull on you.  Your light will expose the shabbiness of the man, the obsolescence of him.

You’ll start to feel this:  “Done.”

It’s not about “over.”  It’s not about “forgetting.”  It’s not about “Letting Go” so you “don’t” have a mental, physical or emotional experience around him when he isn’t actually there.  It’s about just getting so passionate about yourself and what you love in life that you become bored by him.

Most of the time, a man who is not good for us came into our lives for one reason:  We invited him in as a “do-over.”

It could be a do-over of our childhoods, when the only way we could get love and attention was by working our butts off.

It could be a do-over of a trauma where we felt helpless to take care of ourselves.

It could be a do-over of a mistake that feels desperately like it needs “closure” and “mastery.”

Forget about all that.

Instead – focus on being kind to yourself.  Focus on what you like.  On what makes you feel good.  Do that.  Think that. Take yourself there.

Erika talks a lot about EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique, and I love the technique too – here’s one little piece of it I’m going to apply to this post:

Say to yourself: “Even though I feel attached to this man and drawn to have closure with him, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.”

Then get back on your horse and ride – with him or without him, whether he’s hanging onto the saddle, gripping you for dear life, or trying to get you to stop and let him on, or whether you’re holding him with one hand behind you as you ride on.

The important thing is NOT what HE’S doing, or where HE is.

The important thing is that YOU are RIDING ON!!!

Love, Rori


  1.  #1Ann on June 23, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    Yay I got here in time to read all the comments by mobile if I need to. It’s hard to navigate the blog from my phone I wish I could reply from email, if anyone knows how please let me know. Now to read the post

  2.  #2Chanel on June 23, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    Thanks Rori,

    This is a very helpful post for me. I will be doing that EFT tonight… maybe in the bath tub with some bubbles. 🙂

  3.  #3Soignée on June 23, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    That’s it ! it is the most important thing to be passionate about the own life, to have the drive, to have excitement to wake up and to smile, to do the things to be happy. To be beautiful, to have love for yourself and the world, to have this magic. Love, beauty, ,magic, light, happiness. To be concentrated on it. And the man will follow, but he won’t be the main source of happiness.

    This is a freedom.

  4.  #4Erika on June 23, 2009 at 6:02 pm


    Thanks for the follow-up post. And I’m all on board with making it about us and not about him. Fully on board with that.

    Closure is not what I meant though when I said “unresolved.” I meant that deliberately ignoring someone feels unnatural to me and literally makes me think about the person MORE.

    Going back to my marriage proposal guy that I talked about on the last thread, I just relaxed about it. We had some really strained periods in our relationship, and I have no idea how many women he may have dated in between our dates. And I didn’t and don’t care. I just found that by removing my own judgments about his intentions, that our relationship organically blossomed to the point where he now sees me as a marriage-worthy partner.

    Which wouldn’t have happened if I had ignored him or judged him.

    And I am someone who can feel my energetic connections with men, even when they are not around, so ignoring him doesn’t help me. What helps me is healing whatever pain is stimulated by him. Which I personally find easier to do when I’m communicating with him than when I’m not. Partly because I have firmly adopted a style of communication (compassionate) that furthers healing.

    Rori, I liked your original advice in the last post:

    “Hi, it feels great to be in contact again, and yet I know that I still have feelings, so if what you’re looking for here is friendship, I just don’t wish to pursue friendships with men right now, so I wish you well and will not be staying in contact.”

    Or any of the other variations that I suggested. Jason sees it as a “challenge.” I view that as a good thing.

    My firm stance is, I am a prize (as I believe every person on this planet is). These are my standards for a life partner. If you are ready to step up and be that life partner, not just say you’re going to step up, but actually do it … then I am open to you.

    If not, there will be no casual sex and no commitment from me. And I won’t let go any of my other suitors until I’m engaged to be married. I won’t let go of my male friends EVER. They are an important part of my social network and support system, and I love them all too much. I trust that my primary partnership will benefit from my having those men in my life.

  5.  #5Erika on June 23, 2009 at 6:27 pm

    Also re EFT on this issue, I personally found it very very helpful to do EFT on the “inner conflict,” which is actually what causes the feelings of neediness … so

    “Even though part of me wants to let this man go and never ever see or talk to him again,”

    “Even though another part of me thinks that’s stupid and wants to keep him in my life because [go through all the reasons] …”

    “Even though I have this deep inner conflict, and I have no idea how to resolve it, I trust that my subconscious mind does know, and I now give my subconscious mind permission to resolve this conflict for everyone’s higher good …”

    Round and round until all aspects of the inner conflict have been addressed …

    Then it will spontaneously resolve one way or another, but I’ve found that I can usually then relax and keep him in my life without feeling charged up about it.

  6.  #6Chanel on June 23, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    Thanks for the EFT examples Erika!!!

  7.  #7alias girl on June 23, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    i feel bad. i feel punched and beat up and vigilant and ganged up on. i feel antagonized. ugh. i feel confused. i feel unconvinced that feeling messages are effective in business situations with toxic people. i feel unliked. which is ok. i feel sad but my main priority is not to be liked so i feel understanding if i am not successful with tha. but certainly my main priority is not to be dsiliked. i feel tired of trying.

    i feel tired of trying in this same situation. i feel set up to lose and be antagonized. i feel a drain on my goddess energy. i feel momentarily trapped. i feel really confused and run over.

    i feel confused how to effectively deal with toxic people that i need to maintain business relations with. i feel alone in the world. the renegade. the dissenter. i feel bad my authentic slef and caring for myslef causes other people to dislike me. i feel sick to my stomach. i don’t feel angry. i feel let down and betrayed. that’s why i never align myself with anyone. next moment they could just be fing you over because you wouldn’t let them take advantage of you. of me. me i am talking about myself here.

    i feel confused. i feel like i am attracting do over with my family stuff and rori says just let it go but how? i am in this job. i attract this crap. i feel unless i heal i’l just keep attracting do overs. and the original trauma felt so awful. i want happiness. i feel confused what would bring me happiness.

    i feel confused about everything right now and that feels like sobbing but i am sitting in a shopping mall on a bench.

    🙁 i feel sick to my stomach. i love using feeling messages. i love feeling soft. i don’t want to feel unprofessional saying i feel attacked. i feel antagonized. i feel ganged up on. i feel disrespected. becuase i don’t want it to devolve into well why NO ONE IS ATTACLING YOU! no one is ganging up on you! prove it prove prove it.

    ugh. i feel very hopeful for learning new ways of being. i don’t want to be in toxic situatons anymore. i am shifting. i feel much less toxic and soft and loveable. i will just keep my energy soft and good and my outsides will change. my envronment will change.IT WILL. because that is how i believe things work. thank you.

  8.  #8JasonSavage on June 23, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    “Don’t even TRY to IMAGINE closure. Forget closure. Forget resolution. Forget tying things up in a nice bundle, all knots untied, everything smoothed out.”


    “Once a man has outlived his usefulness in his concrete, human form – once his presence makes you go backwards and into your head and out of your body and feeling not good about yourself – you don’t want him around. Period. You’re done. He’s history.”


    In the male side of this community we have an acronym that we simply, and bluntly give as advice to any guy who has his head wrapped around one chick – especially if he is still attached to her, making mental investment, or seeking closure – and that acronym is GFTOW.

    It stands for: Go F*ck Ten Other Women.

    This is the bold, no-nonsense way a man tells a man to move on. Does it mean he has to really, specifically f*uck ten other women? No.

    It’s just saying that you are not putting yourself out there with passion and a sense of abundance. Simply in trying to f*ck ten other women or surrounding yourself with more women, you will get over this one. Focus on what makes you happy, and keep moving.

    This is the same as circular dating. You could call it GDTOM – Go Date Ten Other Men.

    I see too much negativity in internet forums. They seem to be a place of venting unfairness as if hoping to vomit out all the frustration.

    Usually this is just indicative of not having enough going on. Instead of wasting your valuable time an energy trying to resolve the past, or complaining about it, GO HAVE AN ADVENTURE. Go discover new and wonderful things, new and wonderful men.

    Time passes. Eventually that ex lover or that ex issue is not a distraction because you’re living completely and passionately.

    Ride on. GDTOM

    Jason Savage

  9.  #9Aldonza on June 23, 2009 at 7:56 pm

    Sometimes it seems so very simple. Just focus on me and all these conflicts will resolve themselves. When I read those words, they ring in my head with truth. I can see it so clearly! How come I can’t seem to recall the same clarity when faced with a trigger?

  10.  #10Erika on June 23, 2009 at 7:56 pm

    If you’re already dating ten men, what matters it if an eleventh shows back up in the picture? I say the more the merrier.

  11.  #11alias girl on June 23, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    i feel TURNED AROUND in my current re traumaing myself. TURNED AROUND. (how freaking qucik was that?!) i feel soooo grateful for rori’s tools. i CAN still be soft. I CAN still use feeling messages in business!!! WATCH ! watch me!! yae! i feel excited.

    i feel good.

    i feel good also about my decision to skim comments from people who seem triggering. i feel no need for me to go there. maybe i will read them later. or not. i feel i have alot of HAPPINESS ON my plate to be bogged down by things that don’t feel good to me.


    i feel like a building has been lifted off of me. omg. thank you.

  12.  #12Tracy on June 23, 2009 at 8:01 pm

    I love this post……
    Just what i needed to read today!Life is an adventure…and i intend to enjoy every minute of it!

  13.  #13Chanel on June 23, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    Hmmm, I’ve dated 2 guys since we broke up, maybe that’s the problem, I need more guys, lol!

  14.  #14alias girl on June 23, 2009 at 8:04 pm

    THIRTY MINUTES!!! it took me only thirty minutes to turn around my feelings of TRAUMA! Woohooooooooooooooooooooo! i feel PLUGGED IN!

  15.  #15Erika on June 23, 2009 at 8:12 pm

    Feeling your exuberance, Alias Girl. Way to go, hooray!

  16.  #16JasonSavage on June 23, 2009 at 8:55 pm

    “If you’re already dating ten men, what matters it if an eleventh shows back up in the picture? I say the more the merrier.”

    Ten is the magic number. 😉

    Once again, you are spreading yourself too thin. It is the paradox of choice in action. The more options you have, the more potential there is for emotional coflict to arise simply because it becomes more difficult to compare the options.

    It is lose/lose. You are inhibiting your ability to compare your own options and you are inadvertenty “stringing them along.” I’m sure there is a less-triggering way to put that, but it alludes me. The point is, it is lose/lose for suitors/prize.

    Besides that, how are you really going to concetrate on creating your own fantastic life adventure, when you’re catering to the whims and requests of 10 men?

    I guess your point is that those unqualified will mistake capriciousness and aloofness for a lack of interest and will eliminate themselves at the first sign of difficulty.

    I like that. I also like knowing that a woman has more going on in life than just being man-crazy. That is a real ‘quality problem’ – your life is so expanded and balanced, that you simply don’t have time for ten men, or even five.

    Jason Savage

    PS. Rival bashing only applies to men with rivals.

  17.  #17Erika on June 23, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    It was meant metaphorically, Jason.

    I probably would feel better if we moved out of head space and into feelings. I don’t feel very intimate or heard or understood when arguing about such things.

    I am living my life the way that feels good to me. If a man fully steps up, that is wonderful. I welcome him fully. If he wants to argue with my ideal relationship and with my feelings, and try to persuade me why the things I’ve said are really important to me and non-negotiable are somehow not a big deal, then I feel turned off. I don’t know what else to say right now.

  18.  #18Daria on June 23, 2009 at 10:00 pm


    women don’t cater to the whims of 10 men. We cater to the whims of us…

    10 + men catering to our whims is whats going on energetically…. we are attracting way more than 10 men in our day to day life…

    spreading ourself thin is called feeling overwhelmed. When this occurs we take Rest.

    We are dating to practice with triggers and thus emotional conflicts are useful…

    We are being open to 1000+ men, the world of men, so that our Mr. Right can find us.

    Thanks for hearing.

    I feel annoyed by the clean cut Do It This Way approach you have going…

    I felt interested by these approaches at one time and now I don’t anymore…

    i like room to wiggle…

    i feel pretty chill right now… I feel kinda tense in my tummy…


  19.  #19Erika on June 23, 2009 at 10:02 pm

    Thank you, Daria, I was too tired to say all that,

    but yes Jason, the “diagnoses” (e.g., spreading too thin) come across to me as (a) having an agenda behind them, such as wanting me to do a particular thing, and (b) as presuming you can read my mind, which you can’t.

    I feel very confrontational and adversarial when you talk to me that way. I feel way less connected than I did, for example, when we spent time together.

  20.  #20Erika on June 23, 2009 at 10:15 pm

    and also yes Daria, I don’t “cater to the whims” of any man. I give back when he has demonstrated his ability to give.

  21.  #21Jody on June 23, 2009 at 10:24 pm

    Rori, Thank you.. Ive been telling myself to let go, and forget.. It has made the heartache worse.. Ive spent so much time, trying to figure out how to do it. “what I cant walk away from owns me.” Thank you Jason, its given me the strength not to contact him. I do love him, I do miss him, and I still cry over him.. But its less each day, and i force myself to keep moving forward, by getting up, putting makeup on, going and doing things i like, and trying new things, dating other men. Just keep living.. I cant pretend anymore that I feel happy all the time, but I accept the ups and downs as a process now.. A process of healing, and learning.

    My heart is open, I feel the love inside pouring out, its endless, and always hopeful. I feel the hurt of today and yesterday, im not going to hide it beneath false anger… and fear.. Im going to appreciate the emotions God has given me. He created me as a woman, and God never makes mistakes. I do when I try to hide who I am, and what I feel.

  22.  #22Jody on June 23, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    Thank you ladies, and Jason, for letting me express my heart and soul!

  23.  #23JasonSavage on June 23, 2009 at 10:33 pm

    Daria, Thank you. I like this attitude:

    “Women don’t cater to the whims of 10 men. We cater to the whims of us… 10 + men catering to our whims is whats going on energetically…. we are attracting way more than 10 men in our day to day life… spreading ourself thin is called feeling overwhelmed. When this occurs we take Rest.”

    I feel that I want to remind you that energy is reciprocal and while ‘catering’ may be a triggering word, on an energetic level, you are still mixing your energy with his. I know this is logical, but if you are giving 10% and he is giving 90%…. while at the same time you are still giving 10% to 10 different guys, suddenly your energy is depleted. And nothing was contributed to any other area of your life… and I am pretty sure that is not the point of circular dating an the associated tools.


    I hear you and I will sit out this thread as well. I can’t help but feel a little annoyed when you personalize my comments. It is not meeting my need to feel heard by the group, whose feedback is valuable to me, when there is an immediate assumption that my perspective has been directed as if it only can provide personal value to you. Even if I address your comments directly, it is not personal. I also feel the need to say that sometimes we do not see our own duplicity. I am not presuming that I can read your mind (are you presuming that you can read mine?) I can only point out the behavior/intentions that I notice. I am not presuming anyone has an agenda, only that sometimes our motives are not always crystal clear to ourselves, and the perception of others is often reality.

    I was asked by Rori to continue contributing here and I appreciated her personal email. She said that you and I “could together rock the house.” Professionally. My emphasis on professionally.

    So, at your insistance, I will again sit out this thread. Take care.

    Everyone can chill and wiggle now! 😉

  24.  #24alias girl on June 23, 2009 at 10:38 pm

    thank the heavens above for daria. goodness.

    i feel intrugied by witnessing though because i can see where i might come across a certain way sometimes and i often have an agenda. i’m not sure i know what it feels likke to Not have an agenda when it comes to other people. ?

    my agenda is usually to make them into someone i would want to be best friends with. heheheh. hasn’t worked yet. i feel silly and embarrassed to admit that.

    also i realize how much i buck when people try to dominate me. i put up the biggesst -impossible to get through- you’ll have to Kill me before i let that happen. mayb emily and i can work on that. or maybe that’s just normal animal behavior?

    i feel happy i did my self assigned homework of making lists of feeling words and don’t wants that can be used in business settings. because i feel antagonized may not be the most non triggering word to use if i am trying to get a resolution on the table.

    i feel kind of proud of myself.

  25.  #25alias girl on June 23, 2009 at 10:46 pm

    ew. i feel disgusted when people twist things and ew.

    at who’s insistance?

    who insisted wha?

    i feel grateful that i have begun to disassemble my defensive narcissistic personality. i feel so grateful. i mean i am far from healing that horrendous deadly dis ease but i have awareness now and i am a thousand times over and over grateful grateful grateful.

  26.  #26Jason Miller on June 23, 2009 at 10:50 pm

    Jason Miller here. Not trying to add to the multi-Jason confusion again, but here goes.

    I really find it fascinating that Rori is advocating an approach that would have women use their masculine aspect (set the mission, stay on course) to deal with lingering toxic relationships. Just goes to show how much we are a blend of both sides even though we don’t always realize it. Just an aside.

  27.  #27alias girl on June 23, 2009 at 10:59 pm

    i feel ew. i feel sad.

    i feel another blog vaca coming on.

    i am going to start my own blog. i am going to have comments turned OFF.

    i feel like a loner. a dissenter. a renegade. a non friends having person. a person disgusted by 98% of humanity. i feel the biggest lump in my throat.

    my blog is going to be all about being a big weirdo in the world that people LOVE for having a big mouth and speaking the truth. Except in real life. Only in written word. i feel friendless and disgusted. come read my blog. but yo can’t say anything back becaue it will be my turn to speak my truth without people turning their damn backs on me.

    i embrace my friendlessness. i LOVE my aloneness in the world. i love it.

    well maybe some comments i’ll let in. there will be a rule for the comments section.

    people will only be allowed to say

    alias girl you are great!

    because it is my little world i will be creating. AND I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVEEEE MY ALONENESS!

  28.  #28alias girl on June 23, 2009 at 11:01 pm

    Alias girl you are great!

    blech. i feel grossed out and disgusted.

  29.  #29alias girl on June 23, 2009 at 11:02 pm

    and there will be a TON of posts about my teddy bear.

  30.  #30Daria on June 23, 2009 at 11:02 pm


    I’m starting to feel very fond of (attracted to?? in some way) you…

    Thanks for answering me… i feel good and special (again).


    Energy is reciprocal … hmm… that feels intuitively good.

    Here’s how we here on Siren Island look at the Energy Exchange…

    we receive from men, like waterwheels of energy flowing Towards us. We receive from ourselves. We get all filled up with energy… and then we radiate yumminess out all around us… mostly non-directionally…

    kinda like a big bright ball of radiant Goddess…

    so if a new man comes and adds his water to us… we just radiate MORE!

    Sometimes too much energy intake can be a lot to process… and sometimes we are triggered and feel down feelings, and even intense good feelings… all this can feel tiring and that’s when we rest…

    generally quiet time to process until we feel clear and fresh…

    spreading ourselves thin is a big NO NO… that involves giving out energy (directionally) and is called Overfunctioning… we DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS AT ALL.

    I feel concerned about you and Erika… I did not get that she was asking you to leave…

    I feel annoyed hearing that you are getting that shes asking you not to be on the thread…

    I feel protective of her…

    I also feel a little guilty like I am stealing Jason (or his attention ) away from Erika by addressing him a lot … this feels very potentially triggering for me

    I feel tense in my tummy again… uf… this time it feels kinda tight and intense…

    I love Alias Girl…

    Alias Girl what are your business feeling statements.. I feel interested in this in a business setting too

  31.  #31Daria on June 23, 2009 at 11:07 pm

    Jason Miller…

    I feel suspicious that you’re the same jason because i read the savage blog about the triple jason alias

    anyway …

    what Rori is talking about in there is using Boundaries… which are about being Strong on the Inside… the powerful part of Feminine energy… the part that says NO

    Masculine energy is more like chasing moving Forward…

    moving back and saying no… even though it feels strong and tough… is the backbone of the feminine Goddess…

    I request that Male posters to the island make available links with their Best pictures tits not required

  32.  #32alias girl on June 23, 2009 at 11:08 pm

    i feel swishing waves inside me. i feel a deep breath. i feel laugh out loud about my teddy bear comment. i feel excited that i can laugh out loud at my own jokes which aren’t even jokes just true statements. i feel really lucky that if i have to be cursed as a loner to at least enjoy my own personality.

    i feel confused. i want to be like jesus and i feel unsure if jesus was ever DISGUSTED by humanity. 98% of it. that’s a pretty large amount.

    i feel a lot of energy which i feel excited about because i used to feel frozen and scared a lot and now i feel ANGRY AND DISGUSTED alot. which feels like a huuuuuge improvement. i feel amused at my disgust. i love my disgust. i feel thrilled by my disgust. i Love it.

  33.  #33Nikita on June 23, 2009 at 11:08 pm

    Ooooiheeee, I have had this feeling that Jason has a crush on Erika. Hey! I’m just feeling here. I feel an agenda to make 10 men wrong. When Daria has clearly expressed that even 1000+ men can be right. Boys know instinctively that dating is a numbers game, I feel as girls we had to figure that out on our own. Yeah, I feel something going on. I feel it! If my feeling is off; then something else is up; a friend of Jason’s likes Erika. Eureka!!! I feel some major cock-blocking going on in the subtext. I feel mean. Oh yeah I feel cock blockers 🙂 haha.
    See….. If a guy only calls once a week…if….and I have 10 guys; my starting five and my bench warmers 🙂 haha. Well I don’t feel overwhelmed getting one or two calls a day 🙂 I’m a girl I’m already using thousands more words in a day. I can handle it.
    Basically a women’s capacity for pleasure is so much greater than a man’s (as nature intended) we have only to look at multi-orgasmic ladies(proof) and any lady of the night. Working girls don’t need Viagra 🙂 haahaahaaaa I feel the swampy mermaid laugh bellowing in my skull 🙂 I just crack myself up and it FEELS SO GOOD. A lady of the night could actually sleep with ten men in one day and then pay her rent 🙂 she might feel hurt-but sex is an extreme sport! On the blog as Sirens we are dating! This does not equate to sex…..I can do lunch and dinner, that’s 2 a day with weekends off 🙂 fucking brilliant really…. The challenge; I feel is feeling attracted to ten men. Wow! I feel really bitchy, but in a good way. No worries, my and maybe “our” appetites are much greater than any man can imagine. 🙂 that feels really good.
    Can a girl have 10 boyfriends without feeling spread to thin?
    If that is the issue then yes, I feel Jason is more realistic. But can I date ten men? Absofuckinglutely! I had 11 boys in highschool and I wasn’t sleeping with a single one and I felt very happy.
    Very, (sigh) I miss that experience. I now feel I was so lucky to find 11 cute ones !!!!!!

    Feeling a little fiesty
    Nikita xxxxxxx

  34.  #34Daria on June 23, 2009 at 11:11 pm

    I feel delighted and excited by the influx of men on Siren Island …

    I request sexy, intelligent men with open minds and appreciation for authenticity… oh yeah and that like me too…

    Thanks Angels…!


  35.  #35Nikita on June 23, 2009 at 11:11 pm

    Daria! No! Tits are …. Pecs are required!!!!!!
    Um….. I’d feel heard if pecs/tits are required in pics from the male posters :)))
    Thx nikita

  36.  #36Erika on June 23, 2009 at 11:13 pm

    “So, at your insistance, I will again sit out this thread. Take care. ”

    JasonS, I did not ask you to “sit out” the last thread, and I am not asking you to “sit out” this one. I feel angry when my words are interpreted in ways I did not actually say.

    I am expressing my feelings about how your statements are landing with me. When you focus a lot on my statements here, it does sound to me as if you are directing your comments at me, particularly when I read those comments within the context of our off-blog communications.

    I do not want to talk about logic and 10% etc. I don’t believe energy works in percentages. I believe it is guided by a higher intelligence and goes exactly where it is meant to go.

  37.  #37alias girl on June 23, 2009 at 11:14 pm

    i feel suspicious that jody might be jason alias #3! heh.

    i feel gusinhg when i read some of jody’s comments right after jason got booted last time. and oddly it showed up again right after he was allegedly insisted to leave.

    i feel loved by daria. which feels good consering my current state of feeling triggered by 98% of humanity.

  38.  #38Erika on June 23, 2009 at 11:26 pm

    I have no idea if Jason is using more than one name here, but if so then the “duplicity” remark sounds like a projection to me. It really would not meet my need for authenticity if that were the case.

    I may well have my blind spots, but the way those are shown to me is guided by the Holy Spirit, not by a man. I’ve had way too many men in my life attempt to get me to “give up” other men without having yet fully committed to me. My heart can be won only by total authenticity and trust. There are no “shortcuts” to my heart.

    I feel very shut down and untrusting right now. I feel tense in my body. I feel walls going up. I feel angry.

  39.  #39alias girl on June 23, 2009 at 11:27 pm

    i feel not wanting to be here anymore.

    i can share more later on my business homework daria.

    if i decide to post again to what feels cesspool like and like i am stuck in some weird dynmaics between two people who i don’t want to be reading their own personal off blog i can’t even find the words.

    but i have to leave right NOW before i explode with feelings of disgust.

  40.  #40Daria on June 23, 2009 at 11:28 pm

    I feel special Alias Girl! yay… i feel triumphant and included… i made the top 2% yesss!!!

    I feel jealous that Nikita said Jason likes Erika… ummm… i mean I feel jealous Jason likes Erika…

    i want Jason to like me and I feel weird…

    I feel worried of alienating or pissing off Erika…

    I feel glad I’m working through this in a blog… i feel like apologizing to Erika…

    I also do not want to hurt Erika…

    I feel interested in Jason… (a lil bit)

    I feel guilty … and weird…

    I now feel concerned that I’m going to feel rejected and humiliated…


    well again thank you for the blog…

    and being able to work this out here… I feel interested in embracing these types of feelings

  41.  #41Erika on June 23, 2009 at 11:30 pm

    lol, Daria, you feel adorable to me. thanks for being so honest. I really don’t mind if you have a crush on Jason.

    I do feel concerned about other people’s level of trust on this blog, especially if multiple aliases are being used. that possibility feels icky to me. I feel concerned about AG’s comments. I do not want any energy a man and I have to contribute to anyone disconnecting from this blog

  42.  #42JasonSavage on June 23, 2009 at 11:33 pm

    The most amusing thing about this blog is, as a man, I have no idea where you guys find the time to keep posting…. I am trying to express curiosity without it being interepreted as confrontational/adversarial…. but I just don’t get it… with careers, passions, pursuits, dating 10 men, etc…. ?


    I like that you said this:

    “I’m starting to feel very fond of (attracted to?? in some way) you… ”

    I feel special as well, there was a noticiable energy shift (from aprehension to acceptance) with you on the other thread, more than anyone else…

    Alias Girl,

    When you start you blog, I will be the first to put “alias girl you are great!”


    “Ooooiheeee, I have had this feeling that Jason has a crush on Erika. Hey! I’m just feeling here.”

    Of course. I think with all this talk about agendas… the important thing is not to have NO agenda… but to not have a HIDDEN agenda…

    “A lady of the night could actually sleep with ten men in one day and then pay her rent…”

    This is exactly why womens are smarter than men.

    “No worries, my and maybe ‘our’ appetites are much greater than any man can imagine.”

    Haha. And this is exactly why most men fear feminine sexual appetite.

    “But can I date ten men? Absofuckinglutely!”

    Begs the playful challenge – how do you have time for this and other pursuits such as a career?

    Jason Savage

  43.  #43Daria on June 23, 2009 at 11:34 pm

    Hi Erika…

    I love AG and I feel protective of you… I don’t want you to feel bad about making your comments…

    I feel pretty confident AG appreciates triggers because she’s working on embracing them

    in fact shes getting a chance to practice the “moving away” tool right now

  44.  #44Nikita on June 23, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    Alias girl,

    I feel very intrigued…..a blog with a TON of comments about your teddy bear…. Mmm sounds very girly to me. I don’t mind not posting:). But these teddy bear chats on the sidewalk have been on my mind. I feel curious; have you considered asking teddy to be the moderator ? Hehe, cuz that feels really cool!!!!!!
    Oh and I feel inspired to go to the president and petition for a national ” take your teddy bear to work day”! Yeah, that feels wicked! After party in my neighborhood-open bar for bears 7-11pm. Rock out with your…..feelings out 🙂
    Xoxo nikita

  45.  #45Daria on June 23, 2009 at 11:42 pm

    Yay Jason said he feels special… I feel special … I feel all beamy and smily…

    as far as dating… Nikita said it pretty clearly… there’s room for lunch and dinner… that makes 2. Hehe… for some of us 3 if we decide to go out at nite…

    I feel like really into this blog so I wake up and post and am checking it ALL the time… thats how I post…

    I feel a little worried and defensive about my posting a lot… I do have a lot of open time… i feel kinda put down a little bit that I do… like the implication is I SHouldn’t, I should be doing other things…


    What do you think?

    BTW jason I feel your tone is feeling more accepting… even this “how do you find time comment” did not feel as bad and like a put down as some of the previous comments…

    I feel all concentrated typing here…


    I feel concerned its almost 12 and I was planning on going to sleep early…

  46.  #46Erika on June 23, 2009 at 11:42 pm

    I’m with Alias Girl. I feel disgusted and revolted. I feel shocked that Daria feels attracted because I feel the opposite. I don’t even feel like responding because the tone feels very demeaning and invalidating to me.

    I wish it felt playful and good-natured, but it doesn’t. I wouldn’t mind multiple aliases if the person were being open about it. Having multiple aliases without revealing that fact sounds like a “hidden agenda” to me.

    I feel disappointed because I don’t know how to begin to connect with this, and I don’t feel motivated to, either.

    Good night all.

  47.  #47Nikita on June 23, 2009 at 11:47 pm


    I can make time for this because I do not feel like a modern feminist 🙂 I thank the lesbians for granting me the right to vote.
    I feel wonderful that I am no longer burned at the stake for reading or fornicating 🙂 I feel very happy wandering into a diner at 3a.m. because I feel like eating a cheeseburger and no one gives me a dirty look. But, aside from those privileges I am no “career girl” as you call it. I feel completely, that my purpose is to fulfill the traditional role of womanhood. The cooking, cleaning, making a beautiful home and being loyal to the husband of my choice. Why would I focus on a career when I’m fertile now? I can build a career if I change my decisions during mid-life.
    Because we live a lot longer than men too 🙂

  48.  #48Daria on June 23, 2009 at 11:50 pm

    Nikita that feels really empowering!

    I can build a career if I chyange my decisions during mid-life…wow


    how do u support urself now? tips?… i am wanting to support myself while living life for only what feels good

    that is what i want right now

    thank you angels!

  49.  #49JasonSavage on June 23, 2009 at 11:52 pm

    I do not have multiple aliases. Jason Miller is Jason Miller. His writing style is totally different. I am sure Rori would kindly check IP addresses or whatever you like.

    I feel hurt when I am accused of such things. I acknowledge that you feel a man should not try to point out your blind spots, but at the same time I feel very uneasy and disappointed that I would somehow make you feel untrusting, disgusted, or revolted.

    These are heavy words. I am sorry I don’t know all the tools, but these are really hurtful. 🙁


    Jason Savage

  50.  #50Daria on June 23, 2009 at 11:56 pm

    Awwww Jason…

    I feel touched… That is really sweet…

    Thank you for that message. the tone is definitely 100% improved

    aww.. just looking at the yellow sad face =( i feel melty

    i still feel unclear about the aliases… what were you talking about then on your blog?

  51.  #51Erika on June 24, 2009 at 12:00 am

    You didn’t “make me feel” anything. It’s just how I feel, though I felt better as soon as I expressed all that. Which is the whole point of “feeling” messages.

    I feel grateful for the way you just expressed yourself, because I can feel you as a human being again when you admit you are sad.

    I would feel more comfortable if we had an agreement to each focus on our own blind spots and boundaries instead of trying to tell each other what to do. I don’t appreciate being told how to “distribute” my energy. I don’t appreciate being told by a man who is romantically interested in me that I should or should not pay attention to another man.

    I feel very strongly that the distribution of my energy is being guided by a higher power, and I have a lot of trust in that Guidance.

  52.  #52Erika on June 24, 2009 at 12:01 am

    I agree with Daria, the tone is 100% improved. Thank you for that.

  53.  #53Nikita on June 24, 2009 at 12:01 am


    I do work, but I do what I feel like doing. Now I’m feeling book-storish or maybe salon-yish 🙂 I wish I made tips !!! Ugh-

  54.  #54JasonSavage on June 24, 2009 at 12:04 am

    “(That is me. I’m using a triple alias so no one knows that I’m really named Jason.)”

    …Which is saying that my name in the posts is Jason, the name on my blog is GoneSavage, BUT my real name is Jason as well.


    I feel really sad.

  55.  #55Daria on June 24, 2009 at 12:07 am

    Jason – Thank you that feels clear now.

    I feel proud of how far we’ve gone here.

    I feel interested that you feel sad. I feel kinda relaxed yet intense in my head a lil bit…

    i feel pretty good overall… it feels like we’re “closer”

    thank you for peeing on us… lol jk jk jk

    omg i really feel amused i wanna post it tho

    i think i will

  56.  #56Erika on June 24, 2009 at 12:09 am

    I’m starting to feel sensual/sexual energy from Daria. This feels amusing. I may be projecting, but I kind of like it. I feel like it may be directed at me a little bit too, as well as Jason, and I feel embarrassed saying that cuz I might be reading too much into it.

    I feel ridiculous, so now I am definitely going to bed.

    Like Daria, I feel like we just had a breakthrough. That feels nice.

  57.  #57Daria on June 24, 2009 at 12:11 am

    Nikita — hehe… I mean… do you have any tips for me!! lol

    not do you make tips hehe… i feel smily…

  58.  #58Erika on June 24, 2009 at 12:12 am

    Now Daria may be revolted and disgusted by my comment. Lol 🙂

  59.  #59Daria on June 24, 2009 at 12:16 am

    oh Erika I do not feel revolted or disgusted…

    i feel intrigued! I feel kinda cool that you feel that…

    I feel like ur very brave for saying that… yay for bravery here…

  60.  #60Nikita on June 24, 2009 at 12:18 am

    Ooopsie 🙂

    I was feeling something 🙂 I miss Alias girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    nice ! I receive, I do not “distribute” which I feel should be obvious given my anatomy as a woman. 🙂 I feel good hearing your feeling stuff, feels warmer.

    I feel men are built for competition. If a man can’t compete then I feel like he’s a girly man 🙂
    A man faint of heart ne’er did win a fair maiden’s hand
    Yeah! That feels true to me. It has NOTHING to do with intellectual pursuits, debates, or head games.
    I want/feel a man with heart!!!!!

    Ann! I feel you, I bet you feel me when I say MAN the F*cK Up
    If you feel you are ready for a woman on siren island 🙂

    I feel sooooooooooo much better saying my truth, thank you everyone.

    P.S. Jason, that was a general “men” not intended to mean only you.

    Kisses Nikita

  61.  #61Daria on June 24, 2009 at 12:23 am

    Dang I was hoping Nikita had some tips… actually Nikita did have a very important tip…

    I work where it feels good… maybe bookstorish or salonish…

    I now realize I could try to apply at a bookstore that might be a feel good part time job for me… or other places that I enjoy being…


    hehe i feel good to think about this now

    Thank you… this is actually way more important that I realized

    Thank you Angels! Thank you Nikita Angel!

  62.  #62JasonSavage on June 24, 2009 at 12:26 am

    “I would feel more comfortable if we had an agreement to each focus on our own blind spots and boundaries instead of trying to tell each other what to do. I don’t appreciate being told how to ‘distribute’ my energy. I don’t appreciate being told by a man who is romantically interested in me that I should or should not pay attention to another man.”

    Perhaps this is a big difference between us. I have massive RESPECT for anyone that points out my blind spots. I can really examine them when someone cares enough to show them to me. I hold that person in high esteem and honor as a peer.

    I was telling Mercedes about how you are someone I deeply admire simply because I know you would never let me live my second best. That is so rare.

    Since expressing romantic interest right now is highly impractical, I feel that playfully challenging discourse was a way to focus on blind spots and boundaries. This is how I tend to work, I have enormous respect for anyone that cares enough to challenge me.

    I am learning that this is not the case for you. Thank you for your persistence in allowing me to hear this. I will be more sensitive now.

    As far as your relation to other men, I was attempting to give examples to other women here, as per the situation in the original post. I was once a toxic bachelor and I have a lot to offer women to avoid guys like my former self. If I use your comments as a springboard to relate opinion/intuition/experience, please do not see that as any attempt to direct your energy personally.

    I am not concerned with whom you are dating. I encourage you to date 20 men. They really do not bother me. If and when the time is right, I will happily claim you. Until then, I would like to focus on personal blind spots (which to me are overcome with the assistance of people you care about) and a possible joint teaching platform.

    I really hope this makes sense. I am also interested in how this comes across to the other viewers/readers. I still feel a bit sad just because you are uncomfortable and so far away. Touch is so reassuring. Touch is truth. I just want to give you a hug. 🙁

    Sincerely, Jason Savage

  63.  #63Nikita on June 24, 2009 at 12:34 am

    Daria, oops
    Haha, funny post.maybe Jason feels sad bcuz sometimes feelings are contagious. So yayy Jason is feeling!!!!!!!!!
    Goodnight….. I feel sooooo sleepy and my phone feels exhausted….awww poor sleepy phone.
    Night Erika and the rest :)))))
    P.s. Daria don’t work for the money, work for the inspiration. The experience and where you can meet available qualitymen and always dress and act as a lady in the work place…. You’re sure to stand out…. And smile at them. Those are my tips. That’s how I find time. I make it so I have no choice but to “put myself out there”. Oh and never lift anything heavy or do the work of a man- then you’ll be “one of the boys”- kiss of death, defer heavy stuff to men, it makes us all feel good :))

  64.  #64Daria on June 24, 2009 at 12:34 am

    Whoa… i feel like Jason may be in love with Erika…

    i feel a tiny bit disappointed (or do i?) i dono… i feel mostly neutral

    i do not feel humiliated or terrible

    i feel pretty interested in the jason erika stuff.

    i feel proud of myself for ‘melting’ jason

    i feel his comment to erika feels very romantic, sensual and intriguing…

  65.  #65Daria on June 24, 2009 at 12:37 am

    hihi… Nikita thanks… again great tips…

    still i wanted tips on how to support myself, rather than how to fit men in… i have no problem fitting them in lol..

    i want to support myself … i feel interested in money and attracted to the dont work for the money comment…

    i want to feel supported by money to do the work i love

    that sounded better than i thought… that feels good

    Thank you Angels

  66.  #66JasonSavage on June 24, 2009 at 12:43 am


    “don’t work for the money, work for the inspiration. The experience and where you can meet available qualitymen and always dress and act as a lady in the work place…”

    I like it. A very honest open-agenda kind of statement.


    “i feel proud of myself for ‘melting’ jason. i feel his comment to erika feels very romantic, sensual and intriguing…”

    I deeply appreciate this. I’ve been practising ways to turn my raw sexuality into more productive pursuits that are still ripe with intrigue, sensuality, and passion. It means a lot to me to hear that you’ve noticed. It’s really quite arousing….

  67.  #67Daria on June 24, 2009 at 12:49 am

    Jason I feel delighted to be noticed as well. I feel kinda smily and giddy and calm and sensual…

    i feel Goddesslike…

    and sleepy…

  68.  #68DocK on June 24, 2009 at 6:22 am

    Feeling very triggered by the “GFTW” idea.

    When I am over someone, released him, I am over him. I don’t feel anything for him much one way or the other. I don’t know why I get to this point so completely, maybe it makes me cold, heartless or weird, but it just happens; therefore, if he did GFTW, at THAT point, I don’t care.

    e.g. when I mentioned ex sending text about trying to contact me and I have refused to respond and so I left him no choice but to “spend time with a 30 year old model.” I don’t care if he spends time with a model, movie star or someone’s grandmother. I am most bothered by his continuing to try to make contact with me since he has a lot of anger issues and became emotionally abusive at the end of our relationship.

    However, when I am still in the vulnerable, scary, grieving process of losing someone, BEFORE that happens, feeling sad and trying to get over him the idea that he can go screw other women to get over me feels painful. I realize JasonS said guys say this and don’t necessarily mean “literally” but, speaking for myself and not all other women, I think that is the assumption and it just feels sad and disrespectful.

    Interesting as well that for women it’s “GDTM” – my personal pet peeve that men seem to be able to screw their way to China and they are just men but as women we get to “date” to get over a guy. I get hit on enough that I could screw my way to China in a week, yet I would get labeled some pretty poor choice labels for that (“Once you label me, you negate me” Soren Kierkegaard).

    Anyway, what is, is, I can’t change what a man does or doesn’t do to get over me any more than he can change what I do. I just feel sad hearing it put in terms like that, especially when there are posts by women on other threads where they are in such pain, trying to get over a guy they love yet know isn’t treating them well, and I am trying to offer words of comfort and read that.

    Again, I guess going through my own crap right now, just feeling very sad.

  69.  #69Erika on June 24, 2009 at 8:06 am

    “I am learning that this is not the case for you. Thank you for your persistence in allowing me to hear this. I will be more sensitive now.”

    Thank you for saying this, Jason. I feel more understood and like I can relax a little bit. I really don’t like people close to me logically analyzing me, even if they are doing it with an intent to contribute to my well-being. I much prefer to receive empathy and support. I don’t mind when you sometimes tease me or call me on stuff. It’s the heavy duty logic and analysis that feels alienating to me.

    I feel especially confused when a man gives me advice about other men because I’ve had not-so-great experiences in the past with that and because I feel skeptical about the “advice” if the man is romantically interested in me. I really don’t like it. I like to have my own intuitive flow in my life when it comes to men. I also do not even like the word “toxic” because to me it feels judgmental. I like to say that some men are less conscious, and may not realize they are meeting their own emotional needs in a way that is not meeting the needs of the women in their lives. That feels softer to me. That feels like it gives the man room to evolve and step up to the plate.

    I feel intrigued also, Daria. I feel turned on that you expressed attraction to Jason and that you said you were intrigued by my comment. I feel super surprised to hear myself being so honest here.

  70.  #70Erika on June 24, 2009 at 8:13 am

    hi Nikita,

    Thanks for saying my feeling messages feel warmer to you. I feel warmer too.

    I was feeling very defensive and shut down. I appreciate Daria “melting” Jason because I was not feeling in a space where I even cared about doing that.

    But now that things feel so much softer and there is no more hard core logic and analysis, I feel safer to come out and play again. 🙂

    Nikita, “distribute” maybe wasn’t the best word. I just like to flow with my energy wherever it is guiding me, it does feel divinely guided, and when someone talks about “percentages” of my energy and so forth, that feels very cold and hard to me and not in tune with how I experience this gentle intuitive flow of connection.

  71.  #71Erika on June 24, 2009 at 8:20 am

    Sometimes I may continue to connect with a guy even if it is a little painful because the triggering is always healing. And the healing helps with all my guys.

    Now I am feeling a lot of attraction to Daria. I feel so intrigued by this. I realize now that I’ve been feeling it for a while, I enjoy so much her fantasy feeling riffs and I love how she says she wants to punch people in the face and expresses anger when it comes.

    This is all so very intriguing. I’m intrigued that when everyone “melted” into feelings, I suddenly felt so sexually and sensually turned on by everyone.

  72.  #72Symantha on June 24, 2009 at 8:49 am


    Just when I though I’ve catch up w all the comments in the previous post I have to star all over again w this new one. I’m late and unable to contribute for now 🙁

  73.  #73Nikita on June 24, 2009 at 9:18 am


    distribute, was a word that seemed factory like. Didn’t Jason bring that word into the mix? I used it to color my feeling about the dialogue. Distribute feels masculine. It feels much more in tune with a man’s anatomy 🙂 I feel really good that we’ve got stuff out in the open. It feels so much better here. And Jason has since posted in what feels way more authentic to me.
    Nikita xxx

  74.  #74Lisa on June 24, 2009 at 10:18 am

    What a fascinating place. I have no idea who would have the time to write all of this, but a few of y’all are clever.

    What’s saddening is that you’ve forced your rudder — Jason, to become all squidgy and frowny face to make you happy, to play your game. Why do you want to castrate him, or play hardball? Just listen.

    Just sayin’

  75.  #75Chanel on June 24, 2009 at 10:33 am

    Hi Rori,

    I feel like I enjoyed watching Erika and Jason resolve their differences and come to a place of mutual understanding. I feel like that’s one of the things we are trying to learn how to do, so this was a great learning experience.

    But now, I also feel out of place posting about your “dont let go” article here because the thread is about something else. I feel like I actually need help with the subject in the article, but I don’t feel like I belong here.

    I feel frustrated.

  76.  #76Chanel on June 24, 2009 at 11:05 am

    Also Rori,

    I feel like I have spent a lot of money over the past 6 months on your programs and I have come here for support only to find that all of your comments are directed toward other relationship coaches who do not need help with the subject at hand (i.e. how to leg go of a man).

    There are three of us who DO need help with the subject at hand.

    I feel completely ignored by you.

  77.  #77Linmayu on June 24, 2009 at 11:28 am

    So where do I find time for other issues…such as a career…when dating 10 men?

    I feel angry. I feel I’ve had enough of the insistence that a career is the only worthwhile use of my life. I have a job so I can pay the bills, and am studying for a career because everyone says I should have one, but my heart is not, never was, and never will be in that direction.

    I don’t want a career, I want an adventure. I understand the need to pay my own way in life, but that’s all I want a job for.

    My job IS an adventure, actually–an adventure in unearthing honesty, authenticity, and power, an adventure in interacting with others. My schooling is an adventure in discovering the delightful possibilities of my mind. Having both at the same time is an adventure in discovering bigger and better ways to consume caffeine.

    A “career” feels very limiting and very one-track to me. Unless I could get paid to be a professional Goddess.

    I feel triggered by the way Jason is speaking to Erika. I don’t like for a man to point out my blind spots or weaknesses, AT ALL. I feel very icky when that happens. I feel vulnerable and naked and scared. If I’m naked in front of someone and he points out that my boobs are two different sizes or my butt is too big, I would feel completely shut down and awful. I would feel like crying and like I have no place to hide. This has never actually happened, but when I see or hear something that feels like a man picking a woman apart, I always feel afraid that it will.

    Last night a handsome and charming man that I like told me that he liked my legs. I felt picked apart then, too, and that was a compliment. It should have felt good. Why didn’t it feel good?

    Yeah…I fully realize that I’m fucked. I don’t know how I can ever relate to a man. It feels like just talking to one is inviting myself to be analyzed and calculated and picked apart. I feel very, very hopeless, full of hopeless tears. I feel like going and hiding under a fucking burqa because I’ll never really be seen or loved by a man for who I am, so why fucking try?

    To be seen and loved for who I am is all I want from a man. Nothing else he can do will move me. He can say and do all the right things–but does he see me, or am I just a warm body to paint his fantasies on, or a replacement for someone else he can’t have? If his words make it clear he doesn’t really see me, I feel turned off.

    And can I give him the same? I KNOW I have a tendency to do the same exact bullshit things that a man will do. I don’t feel right asking another to do what I won’t do.

    I’m fucked. 🙁

  78.  #78Nikita on June 24, 2009 at 11:33 am


    I’d love to hear how you feel. This thread still feels young to me and full of potential. I have sought closure in the past but I feel good now sacrificing closure for just moving on and accepting that the relationship is dead. I mourn it and immediately start dating again……then it feels like wow, I feel so much better without that man and I learn as I go along from new men. I also feel the pain, but I feel happy on the new adventure. I tell myself
    He’s out there and we are finding eachother now that the old stuff is out of the way.
    Nikita xxx

  79.  #79Linmayu on June 24, 2009 at 11:42 am

    Ooops. I just realized I didn’t really need to say whose post triggered me and in fact, it’s really against Rori’s rules to do so, to my understanding. Besides, it doesn’t matter whose post it was. I don’t come here to call people out; I come in hopes of being heard. I get to call people out enough at work, and it doesn’t really feel good to do it there either.

    So, apologies to Jason–and to everyone I’ve named as a trigger in the past.

  80.  #80tinque on June 24, 2009 at 11:47 am

    Wow Linmayu.
    I so hear you. You’ve got a lot going on here. Though I don’t hear it much, I love to be noticed and complimented on my looks, but like you I resent it too when it does happen. Am I only parts to look at? Am I not more than my shell? Do you see me for who I am inside?
    My man sees me for who I am, yet I still crave the recognition of the physical. It’s fading fast. Will he still feel lust when it’s gone? Why does it matter so much? Why are women seen as objects first, usually. Why do we still love it regardless?
    He loves my warm body, and I am his fantasy which was so wonderful to hear from him though I could feel it. There is a distinct difference. You Linmayu will know if you are being used or being made love to, being seen as a thing or as YOU. (Check the eyes, deep into the eyes.)
    Though there are times I am simply his sex object, but it’s still ME. I’m okay with that.
    But talk about confusion.
    You say that you do the same. This is something to think about, FEEL about. Are you maybe projecting? Maybe the compliments you receive are genuine? Maybe you are being seen for you inside, but sometimes men know no other way to relate other than to remark on the obvious, the physical, and remember, we do love to hear it as much as we resent it.
    As far as career. Blech. I have always been far too free spirited to have one. I’ve tried many times over and have always failed. It’s not to say I’m not good at things. Maybe I’m good at too many things, so I don’t want to limit myself. I don’t want to miss out on anything or any experiences.
    Right now what was making me good money has taken a major nosedive due to the state of our so messed up country. 🙁 But that’s okay. I never loved what I do to make money. I love to make things, so I do. I will soon be taking them to market. Watch for them.
    All I can suggest is keep doing what you are doing, following your bliss as Joseph Campbell said so well.

  81.  #81DocK on June 24, 2009 at 11:48 am

    Linmayu – I not only can feel the perfection of you in a career as Goddess – I can feel it in my bones. : )

    Also like “discovering bigger and better ways to consume caffeine” I remember in undergrad days finding a restaurant that had endless cups of coffee for one price – wow, I was in trouble on that one!

    I can understand the confusion of feeling picked apart even receiving a compliment. When I received compliments on boobs or something – that was just genetics but when I got compliments on my biceps, I liked that because I had worked hard to get them like that. You are a dancer so my guess is that is partly how you got such beautiful legs. Of course he would be distracted : )

    Picked apart by appearance, whooooaaa, I remembered standing on stage in body building competitions and being commanded “quarter turn to the right” “front double biceps” and so on. Tough!

    I actually made SOME (not as much as I’d like) in assessing my appearance through that and preparing for shows. I would look in the mirror and figure out what “parts” needed to be “brought up” (as in developed or whatever) and go from there. I took the approach that a sculptor didn’t judge the material she was removing as she created her masterpiece or curse it for being in the way, she simple set it aside and unveiled the work of art within it.

    As for career- even with PhD – not where I want to be yet either – visioning it, though!

  82.  #82Chanel on June 24, 2009 at 12:33 pm

    Hi Nikita,

    Well thanks for your response, but I’m still feeling upset.

    I’ve purchased 3 of Rori’s programs over the past 6 months. I’ve sent her emails, and she has not replied to them.

    I came here hoping for support with her program and got advice from two other relationship coaches, who don’t really agree with Rori’s views… but hey, at least they acknowledged me and tried to help me and I am grateful for that.

    I feel ignored by Rori and that doesn’t feel good.

  83.  #83Daria on June 24, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    Linmayu –

    ur riffs rock… lets not talk about your poetry…

    i feel awed by it…

    i want to write awesome flowing poetry with depth… poetry and stories that make me feel shivery…

    I feel jealous of your job in organizing an awesome event for women…

    I want an awesome magical “job” with awesome magical money power


    Thanks Angels

    and now… sunshine…

  84.  #84alias girl on June 24, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    i feel love, understanding and compassion. i feel grateful to have a model in rori. i used to feel confused how she could have patience. i feel i am learning a great deal. i feel grateful for ALL the voices on this blog. and in the world too i suppose. i feel a little more challenged to appreciate people’s differences in the real world still.

    but i feel amused at what feels like a fun little petri dish. i feel better when it feels like godddesses luxuriating on siren island but ah well.

  85.  #85Dorothea on June 24, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    I have felt deeply annoyed and judgmental for the last two days watching these comments and very personally directed dialogues unfold. I feel totally turned off and detached from the community right now. I am practicing voicing my feelings right now without saying really clever bitchy things. I feel very inauthentic in doing this but that might be because my bitchy cleverness skills are really a defense mechanism of sorts, and I might feel comfort in that old paradigm. I feel like calling people out specifically. I feel like I hit a brick wall and I don’t know what to do with all these thoughts and feelings of mine.

    It would feel beneficial to hear from you ladies, even though I am associating some posters with my annoyed feelings (or maybe it will be ESPECIALLY helpful because of that?), about what you think about what to DO with these feelings I mention above.

    I don’t want to hear from Jason on the topic. I don’t want to feel like I am hooking myself up to a vacuum to have my energy sucked out in what will basically be my leaning forward to relate to his comments/perspective on the matter

  86.  #86heartbeat on June 24, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    Dorothea – I have been feeling very unsettled the last couple of days too. I feel grateful I have no major relationship issues to express and explore right now because it doesn’t feel like there would be space for me to be heard. I hear Chanel and feel disappointed I can’t respond with energy.

    I feel alarmed and want to retreat to reflect. I don’t want to intervene – there is another process happening which is melting and warming but I also have too many flashing lights going off. I can see there is something here to learn from, but I feel uncomfortable, itchy, on edge – it is not my way, but it doesn’t mean it is wrong.

  87.  #87heartbeat on June 24, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    Erika I take my hat off to you – I couldn’t deal with an online debate with a personal admirer the way you have.

    My roaring, fire-breathing triple-G cup volcano goddess has woken up. Cookies, anyone??

  88.  #88Erika on June 24, 2009 at 5:53 pm

    Thanks, Heartbeat.

    I also wanted to say that I admire Jason for sticking with it despite some pretty powerful emotions on my part. I wish all men understood that many women (indeed, many people) need a safe space to vent even the “scariest” feelings without feeling judged or censored.

    I feel comfortable if you want to direct any comments at me personally. My request would be that it be in this sort of style — “When I hear you say [quote], I feel angry/frustrated/annoyed/disconnected/etc. because it triggers [this pain] in me.” It’s much easier for me to hear statements like that when I don’t feel like the other person is trying to hold me responsible for their feelings. I actually appreciate the feedback because it helps me find ways of expressing myself that are easier for other people to hear … so vent away if you feel like it …

    I am reminded of some non-violent communication practice groups that I went to where other people in the group got into intense conflicts. It reminded me of my family of origin, and sometimes I wanted to bolt, but if we as a group stayed with the energy, we usually were able to find healing and peace. A really beautiful process. I’ve been feeling that here the past few days despite some very intense moments when I felt tempted to disconnect …

  89.  #89gina on June 24, 2009 at 5:55 pm

    Ugh, I live with a guy named Jason and feel all riled up about a conversation we just had. Ugh. We were discussing a book I’ve finished that he’s reading. He said that now that he’s into the second volume, he feels like he could have stopped reading after the first. And I started to say that I felt the same way during the 3rd volume cause it’s like a summary. And he got all mad said he didn’t want to hear any more and that I’ve already said too much. And I was like “whoa, okay. Sheesh.” And he was like “you don’t get it do you? It’s kind of disrespectful don’t you think? Can’t you see that different people have different perspectives and different preferences…?” And I was like, “yeah, ok. I stopped talking..” and I was looking at him like “jeez louise!” and he said “Yeah, you think I’m being weird, but can’t you see why I wouldn’t want to hear it? It was kind of selfish of you to say that, don’t you think?” and I was like, “I stopped talking, why are you still going on about it? Why don’t you just go back to your room.” And he did. ugh. It’s amazing how volatile we are together. I’ve seen him have conflict with others, but it’s so intense between the two of us. I just want to stay away from him. grrr.

  90.  #90alias girl on June 24, 2009 at 6:00 pm

    dorothea i also felt very not good about the vibe on here. i feel glad you said something. i feel good you honored yourself and your voice.

    sometimes i just bypass comments that feel vacuum-ey. i do not feel bad about this. i feel good to take care of myself. i feel okay if people bypass my poofs of shimmyshoo or explosions of rage also. happens all the time.

    i love when the blog feels safe and supportive and soft and yummy. and that to me is not just oh every body is having a good day and sharing flase nicities. it is for me when i feels like there is more empathy and compassion and sticking to one’s own feelings opinions thoughts experiences instead of giving directives or pushing agendas.

    i feel good when people comment their own feelings and experience of how they experienced another person’s experience as well.

    i feel gross when i feel like someone is shouting some so called wisdom and authority like a blaring trumpet to help all the unevolve d lil folk who could allegedly benefit from such authorit[ive wisdom.

    hehe. i feel amused at my own revelations. i feel superior. common attribute of narcissism dis ease.

  91.  #91heartbeat on June 24, 2009 at 6:11 pm

    I feel fucking furious right now.

    I just looked on Jason Savage’s blog – to find this blog pilloried.

    I feel like ripping things apart, setting fire to the whole chebang. I feel invaded.

    I feel like spitting. Ugh! I feel protective and rageful.

  92.  #92gina on June 24, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    Dorothea, I feel self conscious about your judgment. A question that rori asked just clicked: when considering how we can communicate about conflict, I recall that she asked “is it worth the cost.” Maybe my conversation with Jason is an example of somebody being “right” but by harshly expressing his annoyance and in making his point about my thoughtlessness, my feelings were hurt, and I have no desire to have a relationship with him at all. He could make a very good case for how uncool it was of me to mention the book. Maybe he’s aware of some tendencies I have that annoy him a lot – I’m sure that he isn’t the only one, though I don’t like to think of that. But, with his harsh words, he’s no better. I’m feeling a lot of compassion for Mercedes right now. Is that too “personal” – Dorothea, can you be more specific about what you’re noticing. If I express my feelings or observations about people on here, is that creating an inevitable scenario where any conflict will be personal as well. Up until the last few days, I saw everyone on here as sort of an island unto themselves: we’d notice what was beautiful and appealing about one another, and we’d encourage each other. The communication was directed straight into the air. Where as now, I feel like we are developing relationships, and the communication is more like a network, rather moving on parallel planes. I’m curious what others think.

  93.  #93Erika on June 24, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    “Up until the last few days, I saw everyone on here as sort of an island unto themselves: we’d notice what was beautiful and appealing about one another, and we’d encourage each other. The communication was directed straight into the air. Where as now, I feel like we are developing relationships, and the communication is more like a network, rather moving on parallel planes. I’m curious what others think.”

    Gina, that really resonates with me. I feel like it’s getting very “real” on here. Which feels scary but also exhilarating. I feel like I can do some actual healing and connecting rather than just make interesting observations or share a passing story or comment.

    I don’t see the deep triggering of so many people as a negative — I see it as a sign that we’re going deeper and getting real. I see it as a positive thing. I see the dialogue of the past few days as giving me real world experience that is going to improve relationships with everyone in my life because I was able to stay with and not disconnect from energy that felt awful — until it felt good again.

  94.  #94Dorothea on June 24, 2009 at 6:31 pm

    I feel excited people are writing me back:) To clarify for a couple of posters what I have been feeling is that this board has turned into a fucking flame war with feeling messages. The absolute worst kind. I feel negativity hot inside of me and literally filling up to the top of my head from my gut when I think about the things I could say about it. I feel like you all just masturbated all over OUR blog for hundreds of comments on end. I feel like the nature of such an expression therefore undermines the (faux-feeling) sage-y nature of its contents.

    I feel like the blog the last couple of days has turned into a tragically grown version of a bunch of bored teenage bullshitters in a chat room.

    I feel totally exposed right now and relieved to show my “true nature” by saying these things to everyone here.

    A light bulb turned on over my head just now and I see a correlation between how the last couple of days I have felt like people are negatively and harshly judging me (they might be…sometimes it becomes obvious I’m wrong) as annoying or gross or stupid, and the nature of my own deep inspiration to “make fun others”….

    Is this classic school bus shit? Make fun of others so they don’t make fun of me?

    I feel silly for laying out so much stuff that might seem random and at the same time I feel like I owe all the posters some sincere honesty on my part as I become aware of it.

  95.  #95Erika on June 24, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    Dorothea, I still don’t have clarity about what was upsetting to you. When you say a “flame war with feeling messages,” is it because of the intensity of the feelings being expressed? Is it because you felt some people’s “feeling messages” contained echoes of blame? Is there a specific phrase that was triggering?

  96.  #96heartbeat on June 24, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    I feel more settled now. I don’t want to expend any more energy on rageful/comical thoughts about Jason’s blog. I could find the energy to take it on – but I feel my interest in that dissipating. I feel interested in my day tomorrow. And sleep… it is very, very late here.

    Erika, it feels so good to hear more of you and to relate to what you are expressing.

  97.  #97Dorothea on June 24, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    flame war but with feeling messages feels exceptionally accurate and it will probably make more sense if you google its definition.

    I don’t really want to go into this much further because I stated as clearly as I could in my last post what is “up my butt” and I absolutely do not wish to feed this animal with what could be several (hundreds?) more comments.

    Gina I am glad you came here to talk about the thing with the book. I can literally feel that tension from reading about your interaction with him because once upon a time it felt very familiar to me. I wonder if you feel like how I felt …that it’s not about the book or any one thing but about the tension that gets created as a result and then what to do to resolve it or let it out. I would pop like a balloon after a few minutes and just be like “I’M LEAVING eff u man” or “eff off” or whatever. Feeling messages and related Tools have been extremely effective for me. I feel really grateful

  98.  #98Dorothea on June 24, 2009 at 7:01 pm

    i mean the definition of “flame war” not “flame war with feeling messages” which i made up

  99.  #99Erika on June 24, 2009 at 7:06 pm

    lol, Dorothea. 🙂 I feel mildly frustrated. I’m not interested in Google’s definition of “flame war.” I know what a “flame war” is. I’m feeling curious about what is alive in YOU.

    Though if you don’t feel like talking about it right now, I feel ok with that too.

  100.  #100Dorothea on June 24, 2009 at 7:20 pm

    Sorry Gina I didn’t see your question about if the flow of communication is no longer going into the air and whatnot. I want to answer it!

    I feel a deep sadness when a flourishing and productive community, online or otherwise, becomes about personalities and therefore exclusive.

    Since I have already posted here with some regularity and *I* felt totally excluded and unable to participate in the community because of what was dominating it the last two days, then I can’t help but wonder how many potential community members who have been lurking on this site now feel excluded and unable as well as uninspired to ever post comments on Rori’s blog posts.

    I’ve seen it happen on political blogs time and time again and I feel soooo sad right now. Think of all the people who might have gotten politically active in their area or what interests them if it weren’t for the wonkiest of the wonkies unwittingly making their community exclusive in the manner to which I have been referring. I don’t want that to happen here. I like feeling included here and like it is available for me as a community and a resource. I feel so resentful that there was no freaking room for anything besides the dialogue that arose as a result of what I believe to be personality-based things…this is the “flame war.”

    I wonder what you think? I have to sign off soon and feel like when I come back everything I posted will be long lost in many many comments and I can’t keep up and posting feels futile right now. Something I like about this blog a lot right now is that I feel comfortable adding in honest feeling messages and it is still wonderful practice. I hope lurkers who might feel turned off like I fear will try participating in our community if not just to practice feeling messages…it really is good practice.

    Haha I feel self-conscious that everyone is going to think I’m a psycho chick now for saying what I have said.

  101.  #101Dorothea on June 24, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    Aw, ok Erika…I just really don’t want to post a series of comments on this thread clarifying and precising our semantics. That would feel so hypocritical on my part. I can totally email you. What do you think?

  102.  #102Erika on June 24, 2009 at 7:28 pm

    hey Dorothea, thank you. Yeah feel free to email me at

    And also … from your other comment expressing your sadness at feeling excluded and your concern about other people possibly feeling excluded, I now feel like I may have more clarity about what was upsetting to you. So thank you for that, and if you’d like to share more with me on email, I’d welcome that too.

  103.  #103Linmayu on June 24, 2009 at 7:38 pm

    I felt it too. I wouldn’t go so far as to say flame war (but then, I only skimmed most of the comments) but it felt very heated and fast-moving in here. I felt overwhelmed. I can’t point to any individuals; I don’t feel it even matters to me at this point.

    Tinque, I love the softness of the way you speak. And maybe I am projecting–I hope I am; if that’s the case then there’s a lot of faith in men that I can have back now! 😀

    DocK, I feel weird when I get a compliment on my legs because I don’t think they’re beautiful at all! They’re strong, yes, but short and very thick. Most men in the community where I grew up made fun of them. So, to be in a community with different standards feels so weird and foreign.

    Daria I WISH this project of organizing awesome events for women was my paying job! If that was the case I could actually call myself a professional Goddess. 😀 I feel all honored that you remembered my poetry. I don’t even hardly remember my poetry; I haven’t written any in quite some time except for this three-line wonder that I wrote to God last Friday:

    I lay on my back under damask clouds.
    You are all I want;
    You are all I need.

    I still feel masculine and hurried. Fast-paced anything makes me feel panicky. doesn’t help that I’m posting this from work where I’m not supposed to be on the internet…and I feel sick and sneezy and embarrassed too. Le sigh…

  104.  #104gina on June 24, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    Dorothea, I feel self conscious about your judgment. A question that rori asked just clicked: when considering how we can communicate about conflict, I recall that she asked “is it worth the cost.” Maybe my conversation with Jason is an example of somebody being “right” but by harshly expressing his annoyance and in making his point about my thoughtlessness, my feelings were hurt, and I have no desire to have a relationship with him at all. He could make a very good case for how uncool it was of me to mention the book. Maybe he’s aware of some tendencies I have that annoy him a lot – I’m sure that he isn’t the only one, though I don’t like to think of that. But, with his harsh words, he’s no better. I’m feeling a lot of compassion for Mercedes right now. Is that too “personal” – Dorothea, can you be more specific about what you’re noticing. If I express my feelings or observations about people on here, is that creating an inevitable scenario where any conflict will be personal as well. Up until the last few days, I saw everyone on here as sort of an island unto themselves: we’d notice what was beautiful and appealing about one another, and we’d encourage each other. The communication was directed straight into the air. Where as now, I feel like we are developing relationships, and the communication is more like a network, rather moving on parallel planes. I’m curious what others think. He’s getting married next month – I wonder if their dynamic will be free of the toxic tension that I feel around him.

  105.  #105gina on June 24, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    whoa! I don’t know what I just posted – sorry.

  106.  #106gina on June 24, 2009 at 7:51 pm

    Grrr! I just wrote a whole post about my roommate who triggers me to no end, who’s getting married next month and I wonder if he and his wife will be free of the tension that I have experienced on a regular basis living with him for the last year and a half. Basically, I said that speaking with him is like mental gymnastics – he challenges everything I say. It’s exhausting. A couple of times I’ve been brought to tears by his harsh words and tone – then he gets all soft and apologetic. Those times have felt intimate and inappropriate, so I don’t like to share how I feel with him – I just want to coexist. Maybe I could have said that to him.

  107.  #107gina on June 24, 2009 at 7:52 pm

    but my point was that the post was deleted. Yeeesh! sorry.

  108.  #108gina on June 24, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    About the “flame throwing” – now that I’ve read Jason’s clever article about “Siren Island,” I’m envisioning the flames going between Siren Island and Savage Island, and then a civil war erupted. Hmmm… about being a bored teenager. I feel that way a little bit. I’m moving on July 17th, and I feel like I’m on Hiatus till the transition is made. I’ve never indulged this much time and energy into any web community.

    I just had another interesting interaction with a man. There was a married man who was texting me a while back. I feel embarrassed admitting it. My impression was that he and his wife had an open relationship, and that he was looking to move on. But then it was clear that he wasnt, and I took Rori’s advice, and stopped talking with him. He moved to Japan, and apparently he came back in town last night for a visit. He texted hi, and at first I felt excited, but then I remembered all the mess that goes along with him AND i remembered Jason’s words of wisdom to ignore a man who doesn’t serve us, so I did ignore him. And then tonight, he called me and asked if I wanted to come outside and say hi (he had showed up on his motorcycle). and I blabbed something about not feeling cute. About how I didn’t look pretty, give me a sec. WTF???? I felt all jittery and nervous and kinda excited but mostly wanted to say no, but that all felt too dramatic. Basically, I didn’t want to hurt him by saying no, but I wanted to deflate any attraction, so I put myself down. I’m laughing at myself. That’s goofy, and not Goddessy. I went outside and we chatted for a bit. I felt nervous and fidgety. I said something else about how I’ve gotten fat. Seriously WHAT??? Talking bad about my body isn’t my normal deal. In fact I do workshops to help women feel good about their bodies!!! So WTF?? haha. wow. My roommate told me my stomach looked fat the other day. And that it’s been looking fat for a couple of months now – so that’s why I’m quick to talk about fat. But I’m surprised to see me doing the whole negative body talk thing. It came out of nervous energy combined with feeling bad about my roommate’s comments. I feel weird and mixed up.

  109.  #109alias girl on June 24, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    i feel a tight band around my head. i feel a little lonely. i feel desirous of a superfun playmate. i feel like talking to my cybersex guy. i gave him the boot. THE BOOT! DAMMIT! Then i apologized cuz i was just weirdo behavior all to do with me triggering MYSELF! heeeheee. i used all kinds of feeling messages and a couple of i don’t wants. like i don’t want to hurt people be my reactions to my own confusion or insecurities. i feel good he at least read seeing as how DELETED his email unread in my mad frenzy of being triggered. hehe. i feel unsure if i want him to email. i feel like i do. i feel unsure. ambivalent. no i feel good to hear from him again.

    i feel bad i feel helpless how to help people who are being sucked into the quagmire of negativity. what do you think? i feel helpless to help. help me help you. aw thanks jerry maguire guy.

  110.  #110JasonSavage on June 24, 2009 at 8:52 pm

    The only flames between Savage Island and Siren Island are of the I-can’t-help-but-play-with-fire sexual tension sort….

    But you know about that 😉

    “He texted hi, and at first I felt excited, but then I remembered all the mess that goes along with him AND i remembered Jason’s words of wisdom to ignore a man who doesn’t serve us, so I did ignore him. And then tonight, he called me and asked if I wanted to come outside and say hi (he had showed up on his motorcycle)….”

    Ignoring means not picking up the phone. 😉

    Next thing you know, he’s coming over…

    “…I didn’t want to hurt him by saying no, but I wanted to deflate any attraction…”

    But, you know, I’m just teasing with you.

    Always remember you have the choice. If you want to play with fire…. sexual tension, chemistry, and emotions with a married man… that is your choice.

    Make the choice that you find empowering.

    You don’t always know if it’s going to be right, but make the choice without doubt. Trust your feeling and you will know if it is going to seem “weird or mixed up.”

    I guess I am trying to say that ownership of your decision is more important than any result (or judgment you are trying to place on the outcome.)

  111.  #111Daria on June 24, 2009 at 9:13 pm

    I feel dizzy…

    I feel kinda weird because a friend of my ex’s made fun of me in a rude way.

    I was with my ex but he says im his girlfriend… which i say too meaning that we are dating… or maybe i should have Not said im his girlfriend but i didnt care…

    Anyway… this man liked me so he started trying to hit on me while i was wiht my date (ex)

    I felt weird… he was acting rude and saying rude things about me …

    but it was obvious he liked me…

    i ignored and didnt say anything… and then he kept bugging me if im really with my ex or not … in front of a group of people… and i still didnt say anything… my ex said to leave me alone a few times but the guy kept going… i mean i understand because he must have been really attracted to me… but he was being rude and i kinda feel bad that i just stood there and didn’t speak something wonderful and appropriate…

    im feeling disappointed in myself

    this is just a trigger

    i actually did a really good job and pretty much wherever i walk people stare at me like im a Goddess because of my “I live in Heaven” vibe…

    now I feel worried that I will attract peoplle thta just want to live in Heaven with me and what if I cant keep it up and it turns into hell for awhile…

    i love myself…

    I feel like I live in my own world… as long as I feel strong inside i can take care of myself and feel good… and I set the undertone for the world around me…

    I felt uncomfortable but flattered with how that guy was gettign at me and I felt bad being talked shit about…

    that feels good to clear up…

    i feel tired… my head hurts…

    i feel sleepy

    i could have gone out and had fun but i chose to rest because I think ive been ignoring my body asking for rest because it seems like I won’t have time at the time it asks for it…

    like 8 pm seems a time for going out.. not going in to get ready for bed… I really need my sleep right now though…

    today I drove around the bay and stopped in like 3 different “nature” places… kind of without even meaning to just wound up there… very cool..

  112.  #112alias girl on June 24, 2009 at 9:48 pm

    daria i feel SPOOKED sometimes how you write something that pertains to what i feel is going on at the moment for something in my life. weird. i feel weird. are u a secret alien tapping into the atmosphere? or weird angel or something. ahhhh i feel spooked.

    i felt like two of my neighbors wanted my time and energy and i just felt like they wanted to plug in and run off me like i am a genrator or something. i feel bad. i don’t know how to handle. i feel bad. what if i get super super goddessey and all these pople just want time/energy/etc from me. i guess that’s called having boundaries but ugh. maybe baby step by baby step i will learn as i go as needed.

    i feel like something is draining my energy. always my whole life i felt like my energy is not optimal. i feel excited to live in optimal energy. mmmmmmthat would feel good. yes!

  113.  #113alias girl on June 24, 2009 at 10:03 pm

    today i had my ex#1 keep hold on

    i can’t even call him that anymore. hehe yes!

    today some guy i used to know and have fondness for kept popping in my head in a mjor way. and i felt weird and i wasn’t sure why.

    so i texted and asked if he was ok and why he was demanding attention in my brain right then. and tthen i went back to what i was doing. haha! that was over seven hours ago and i just remembered it. heheh. i used check my phone obssessively for messages from my two exes. yae! and the other ex

    the guy that let me free fall to the ground from the plane

    i saw him in his truck as i was driving into work. he waved. i gave a wave back. and didn’t even think about it at all after about twenty minutes.

    aaaaaahhhhhhhhh. i feel a woman of my own self. yes! i feel big yes! i am going to go read my book. i still feel a tight band around my head and weird tight gremlin energy in my body.

  114.  #114Daria on June 24, 2009 at 10:15 pm

    Alias Girl I am a Goddess… I’m feeling really good with my tools of Angels helping (reassurance and manifesting) EFT (mood changing, magic, manifesting) and meditation (resting, discovery, magic)

    I feel really happy how today my day ran with a lot of synchronicity… now even when I’m feeling bad because for example I’m parked for 20 minute waiting for my date or im stuck in traffic or lost… i do EFT…

    I do a fast 30 second version i just learned a few days ago…

    basically we move towards feeling good but some reocurring past feelings / thoughts can come up that feel like a flash…

    so the trick is to do just one quick round of EFT when you’ve identified the belief that suddenly felt icky…

    for example…

    Even though… I feel so tired of the struggle… I love and accept myself anyways…


    Even though… I look just sexy but not pretty right now… I love and accept myself anyways…

    Even though… people on the street want to attack me… I love and accept myself anyways…

    so since I can do this when these thoughts come up and often im starting to like being by myself

    oh yeah a big one for me:

    Even though… I’m here by myself and being weird again instead of something i SHOULD be doing like regular people… I love and accept myself anyway…

    i’m gonna do that right now

    these feelings are kinda quick and fleeting and we need words to put them into EFT… so voila…

    this has been working wonderfully

    oh also thank you for the men money magice

    the day before a drunk guy bought me 20 dollars of gas, my date gave me an additional 10 dollars for gas…

    and today my date gave me 5 dollars to go get something to eat after I left him…


    I feel happy and taken care of…

    Even though I shouldn’t be happy cuz I’ve got enough problems… I love and accept myself deeply and completely anyway…

    3 times on the karate chop

    I shouldn’t be happy cuz I’ve got enough problems…

    all the way around from eyebrow to underarm to top of head…

    i feel tired and glad i went home and am about to rest

  115.  #115Erika on June 24, 2009 at 10:23 pm


    I am so with you. I do EFT constantly. Literally every single day, multiple times per day. It has completely transformed my life and my emotional state.

    I went out with a girlfriend tonight and she is upset about a guy and was totally in her head about it. My feelings are so powerful now that I immediately go straight into the state of whoever I’m hanging out with.

    It felt AWFUL. All that head energy. I never ever want to be in my head ever again.

    So I started tapping on her karate chop point, and within a couple of minutes she started crying. All that talking and going around in circles, when what she really needs is to FEEL sad.

    What’s underneath all that AWFUL head energy — mostly sadness. Grief for all the losses we never mourned. And for most of us (cuz I don’t want to speak for everyone) it needs to come out before we can feel good on a regular basis. So EFT every single day, that’s what I do.

  116.  #116Daria on June 24, 2009 at 10:28 pm

    Erika yeah I am practicing mainting my feel good energy even when others are feeling bad/sad/angry…

    it feels challenging and i feel excited by each progress…

  117.  #117gina on June 24, 2009 at 11:26 pm

    Jason, you’re such a charmer 😉

    and YEAH I totally know that ignoring is not answering the phone. I would like to point out that he was already there – so it’s not like I summoned him or gave him permission by answering.
    At first my position with him was “I am available and attracted to you but I absolutely will not fool around with a married guy.” I was willing to communicate with him for a while to see what feelings are even there, but as it became clear that he has absolutely nothing to offer and he isn’t willing to get out of what he considers a miserable marriage, I lost respect for him, and only feel mild attraction and frustration – dampens the “fire.” I don’t want him to come over unless he’s reporting that he is single and that he wants me. And I don’t even want that to happen cause I feel for his wife and kids. I think he’s funny, and I have the hots for his friend. I’m fine with things going back to the way they were right before he left for Japan – minimal contact, and we were cool if we saw each other out.

  118.  #118alias girl on June 24, 2009 at 11:27 pm

    i feel intriguied. i feel interested in having a job where i give people a eft karate chop until they cry and release their giref. i feel convinced i would be really good at this. maybe i could set up a booth like the psychics down on venice beach and charge by donation only. i am dead serious and i feel afraid i am coming off like a joke.

    i feel intriguied if i would really like to do this or if it is just one of my whims that will pass quickly.

    i feel amused about daria collecting $ from her admirers. heehee. who needs a job! that sounds like a super fun way to go about it. i could offer my goddessness and guys could offer me condos and vacas and jewlery and cars and things. 🙂 i feel very excited about that. i feel convinced the men would love me more for it!

  119.  #119gina on June 25, 2009 at 12:10 am

    I was just reminded of this time when a guy said to me

    “Gina, you couldn’t be more woman, but you are more man than woman. And I mean that as a major compliment.”

    that’s one of those things that someone says that just lives in you, ya know? It resonated as true, but then I’m also like “Whaa?”

    Another thing that’s lingering happened the other day.

    A kid at the preschool said “Ms.Gina, who are you married to?”

    I said “Nobody.”

    He said “WHAT?? whoa. So when are you getting married?”

    I said “I dunno. Maybe never, I guess.”

    He said “What? So you’re going to die alone??”

    I was like damn.

    I’m feeling like this “more man than woman” thing is lonely. I’m not even entirely sure what it is, but I think I’ve developed my brain in such a way to protect the purely feminine part. Cause the feminine part is like Betty Boop. No joke – like adorable but not real functional. Or I just don’t trust her cause she does dopey stuff. You know how she looks kinda sad, but everybody else thinks she’s cute? To me she’s like “all I am is cute. Boop boop bedoop. Boop! ….Boo hoo hoo.”
    But Betty Boop is also a sexy celebrity and I like to bust her out with masculine men. She actually comes in handy quite a bit. But I’d like to identify with more developed femininity.

  120.  #120tina on June 25, 2009 at 12:14 am

    Hello JasonSavage,

    I feel really triggered reading your posts, I am going to apply/use Rori’s tool “Don’t let go, Don’t Resolve, Forget Closure and Stay On Your Horse” When reading your future posts. I’m not so sure about the symoblic acts though. I feel funny.

  121.  #121gina on June 25, 2009 at 12:21 am

    I was just reminded of this time when a guy said to me

    “Gina, you couldn’t be more woman, but you are more man than woman. And I mean that as a major compliment.”

    that’s one of those things that someone says that just lives in you, ya know? It resonated as true, but then I’m also like “Whaa?”

    Another thing that’s lingering happened the other day.

    A kid at the preschool said “Ms.Gina, who are you married to?”

    I said “Nobody.”

    He said “WHAT?? whoa. So when are you getting married?”

    I said “I dunno. Maybe never, I guess.”

    He said “What? So you’re going to die alone??”

    I was like damn.

    I’m feeling like this “more man than woman” thing is lonely. I’m not even entirely sure what it is, but I think I’ve developed my brain in such a way to protect the purely feminine part. Cause the feminine part is like Betty Boop. No joke – like adorable, but not real functional. Or I just don’t trust her cause she does dopey stuff. You know how she looks kinda sad, but everybody else thinks she’s cute? To me she’s like “all I am is cute. Boop boop bedoop. Boop! ….Boo hoo hoo.”
    But Betty Boop is also a sexy celebrity and I like to bust her out with masculine men. She actually comes in handy quite a bit. I’m not sure whether I want to identify with more developed femininity that i can trust to expose more often, OR if I should simply trust my inner Betty Boop. I heard Rori say in the BraveHeart women interview that we should be Bimbos!! I played it back, and that’s the word I heard her use. Bimbo. I can TOTALLY do that. But I have big boobs and wild hair, I can’t act like a Bimbo, too!! What will the women think?? Plus, as soon as Betty Boop shows up, I feel the guys’ big penises in the air, and I hate that!!! I feel all this big c**k energy rubbing up against me and I’m like, Ugh!! never mind. I’m not a Bimbo i’m a B***h – Put your c***K away!!!! It is NOT CUTE when I’m mad! I hate you.” And I feel all shut down and joyless and sad that I feel like I need a burka in public. And a husband to be myself with.

  122.  #122tina on June 25, 2009 at 12:22 am

    I love Betty Boop. I feel to trust, Ive been called gullable lol and I am. I forget not everyone thinks/feels like me lol. I feel childlike trust, I feel shy and insecure. I fall back – on occassion – with my cocky, take no prisoners fck you position.

  123.  #123gina on June 25, 2009 at 12:24 am

    WTF is happening with my posts? grrr! sorry for the repeats.

  124.  #124tina on June 25, 2009 at 12:31 am

    Well Gina,

    If this makes you feel any better, I didnt know that honey came from bees bums. Also this one guy said to me, “did you know the word gullible is not found in the websters dictionary. i was like all wide eyed and said Oh really, nodding my head, I totally believed him , everyone was laughing, I didnt “get” it lol. oh i could go on and on.

  125.  #125tina on June 25, 2009 at 12:33 am

    Gina What the hell does that mean lol more man than woman , Jason could you explain for us please. i feel so stupid.

  126.  #126tina on June 25, 2009 at 12:45 am

    I feel intimidated, I feel unworthy, I feel defensive. I want to defend my sisters on “Siren Island.” *sniffle. I feel defenseless.

  127.  #127Katja on June 25, 2009 at 1:19 am

    What is going on here? I feel confused…

  128.  #128tina on June 25, 2009 at 1:55 am

    I feel doing symbolic acts reminds me of worshipping him. In a sense we are giving him respect and power by doing this arent we?. This is what he craves?. He is still getting these benefits, when he outlives his usefulness in my life – if I am still seeking “closure.” He actually said this to me, he used the word “closure.” He said he wanted to “get on” with his life. “Useless” has taken on a good meaning in my life, he is just a reminder of what I dont want. If the screw ten women rule is true then he is well on his way however this doesnt seem to be in his case. He is still seeking closure and wanting to “get on” with his life. I feel annoyed. I feel annoyed he messages me and wants to get on with his life and is seeking closure.

  129.  #129tina on June 25, 2009 at 2:09 am

    What I do to worship myself is none of his business, if that includes dating ten men so what? it’snot about him , its about me. I find other ways of worshipping myself such taking care of my tomatoes.

  130.  #130tina on June 25, 2009 at 2:35 am

    Whats a karate chop?.

  131.  #131luscious on June 25, 2009 at 2:50 am

    hi tina the karate chop refers to a move used in emotional freedom technique (e f t).it involves tapping different accupressure points and saying phrases and you can go from feeling awful to feeling better 🙂

  132.  #132Linmayu on June 25, 2009 at 6:35 am

    I am feeling more and more intrigued with EFT after reading Daria and Erika’s comments. I’ve used EFT to feel better in the moment, but I have never had faith in it as a tool for permanent transformation–not even after reading about a woman increasing her bust size to pre-nursing proportions by using it.

    I once had an incredibly handsome guy EFT me at a party. He kept telling me to focus on something I was upset about and I was thinking to myself “How the hell can I possibly be upset about anything, the handsomest guy in the world is looking in my eyes and paying attention to me!” xD

    I think I’mma start doing it every day.

  133.  #133alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 7:02 am

    i feel sad and vomiity. i feel bad and guilty for greeting everyone so early morning with sad and vomitty feelings. 🙁 i feel really sad. i feel like everyone triggers disgust in me. not completely true as i was re reading over some of the comments and there are actually some that made me feel good and connected like lynmayu’s and tinque’s response to her. and dock’s honesty. i feel triggered everywhere i turn. i feel people’s anomosity at work. i wish i handled the original disrespect and antagonism better. the two months of mockery and taunting and silently teaming up on me on this petty issue.

    but i handled it the way i handled it. which wasn’t even terrible. omg. i feel so sad. i feel self blaming.

    how do other people have such warm relationships and friendships so easily?.

    wow. i just felt really sobbing but now i feel a little better. passive aggressivenss is the death of trust in a relationship. so am i obligated to be responsible for other people’s passive aggressiveness? or just for my own boundaries. if i can sense what they want but aren’t asking for it directly am i responsible for everybody else because i am super intuitive ?

    i feel really activated and angry right now. rrrrr. wow. i could drive a truck through a wall. over a building. i could punch people in their faces and knock them out til next freaking week.

    if someone is passive aggressive do i just take care of my own needs and draw my own boundaires and let them speak up for their own. which is what i did at work . and now people are furious with me and still be ing passive aggressive and still not speaking up for their own needs. there was a discussion. they verbally made agreements and they are still angry

    i feel co dependent caretaking for other people’s passive aggressiveness. maybe i would be more willing to help if they hadn’t been so shitty these past two months. maybe if it was someone i loved.

    but i don’t feel i love anyone when they are shitty to me like that with no accountablility for their own behavior or my feelings. i feel like too bad eff off. fend for yourself.

    so now i feel like the ostracized one at my job. and the blog feels unsafe too. or icky or warring also.

    🙁 i feel better having written this. i feel weird.

  134.  #134alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 7:09 am

    i feel like i was having imaginary friendships with people at work. i was just their co worker but i thought we were good friends.

    so i felt betrayed when certain actions were taken. but if i had been on the page titled REALITY i might not have felt so betrayed

    i feel soooooo grateful i am anonymous right now. i have considered not being anonymous but i feel more able to heal by being so. not because i write things i wouldn’t cop to. i just like that i have the safety of being able to process things in the moment when i feel very vulnerable.

    no more imaginary friendships. i feel good about seeing things for what they are.

    human dynamics can get scarey. ie the holocaust. men and women who go to war. people on an island on a reality tv show. i feel bleh and self protective.

  135.  #135alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 7:14 am

    i feel intrigued by miracle dna altering stories like linmayu mentioned! i don’t want to increase my bust size but i would like to make some alterations! i feel pretty convinced things like that are possible.

  136.  #136Erika on June 25, 2009 at 7:34 am

    That’s a funny EFT story.


    I’m going to engage in a bit of “scary honesty” here. I feel deeply troubled when people talk about passive-aggressive relationships and other upsetting patterns as “reality.” I feel torn speaking up about this because my intention is to contribute to other people’s well-being and I feel some apprehension that my comment will not be received in that spirit.

    So I’ll just share my personal experience. After I started using EFT all the time, all of my relationships shifted, including all of my relationships at work. Quite miraculously, I might add. With EFT, I let go of my judgmental thinking of others, and as I did that, they changed. I feel liberated by this. I feel a burning, irresistible desire to share EFT with everyone I know.

  137.  #137alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 7:40 am

    why am i attracting and creating what i am? i feel trapped in a viscous circle. i don’t like or respect people so they don’t like or respect me. but some people feel gross to me. i feel walked over. why should i like or respect people who feel like cretinous loads of bile?

    i grew to dislike and not respect my family members. it took years of trying to make things work. trying to like my mother. trying to be good. then bad. then finally indifferent. then finally i just left.

    that’s what i tend to do. i just leave. 🙁 ugh. i feel sick again.

    i feel angry that i WANT TO HAVE GOOD RELATIONS nad other people often just seem careless and thoughtless. rrrrrrr. i feel angry and foolish for caring about people who do not deserve my special goddess attention.

    special alienated alone dissenting goddess attention. i love my aloneness. i love it. i revel in it. I LOVE IT. mmmmmmmm yum aloneness. awesome. i love it. yae! i love my aloneness.

  138.  #138Erika on June 25, 2009 at 7:45 am

    One other personal experience I wanted to share because it came up for me in hearing about people possibly feeling excluded because there was a conflict going on between two or three people.

    In my non-violent communication practice groups, we had a different perspective: we stay with the energy as it rises and falls in the room, and the GROUP owns any conflict that arises. This way everyone stays with the emotional energy, and everyone gets the healing benefit when the conflict is resolved.

    EFT is similar. Group work is super powerful, and even though often we can only work on one person’s “issue” at a time, our subconscious mind is able to draw the parallels to our own experience and reap the healing benefits. Gary Craig calls this “borrowing benefits” and he actually has an entire DVD devoted to it.

    So I feel a little limited if I assume that someone else’s conflict or pain excludes me. To be honest, I walk around the world with the perspective that I am connected to everyone, so if anyone is having a conflict, in some way I am having that conflict. I tune in to whatever emotions are stimulated in me by seeing that conflict.

  139.  #139alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 7:45 am

    ericka. i feel really wary. i do not feel comfortable. i do not feel trusting. i feel bad. i do not feel good engaging. i do not want to.

  140.  #140alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 7:49 am

    i feel agenda-ized. i come to this blog to practice rori’s tools. because of all my years of searching i beleive this is an excellent fit and match for me. i feel angry. if i wanted to be coached by someone else i would seek that person out.

  141.  #141Erika on June 25, 2009 at 7:52 am

    hi AG,

    yeah, I get that. that’s why I feel nervous writing comments to you. yet I feel irresistibly drawn to do it because I don’t want anyone to be in pain, especially pain and conflict where it seems like there’s no way out.

    I had very painful family of origin dynamics, and the only way I got out of pain was using EFT on every single memory. I also realized that “splendid isolation” had been my long-term coping mechanism for my despair. (When I was a kid, I would hide out in my locked room in the basement, and I symbolically recreated that space emotionally as an adult.) I had no model for good relationships so I kept recreating the same painful dynamics over and over again.

    But I feel thrilled that using EFT systematically has transformed my life. I am letting people and men so much closer now. I have eliminated a lot of the old patterns completely. And I’ve now almost eliminated my tendency to run and hide when things get intense.

  142.  #142Erika on June 25, 2009 at 7:54 am

    AG, of course you are free to ignore my comments if that’s what feels good to you. my intention is not to “coach.” My intention is to share my own experience and hopefully contribute. If you don’t see it as a contribution, I’m ok with that.

  143.  #143T on June 25, 2009 at 8:05 am

    I love this insight, it almost impossible to stop your feelings but we can refocus our thoughts

  144.  #144alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 8:15 am

    ericka. i feel good you have found tools that work for you. thank you for respecting my boundaries with you.

  145.  #145DocK on June 25, 2009 at 8:21 am

    Katja – I’m with you, I feel confused… I thought there was a horse in here somewhere that I was supposed to stay on and now I feel so muddled and overwrought by this thread that I don’t even know where the damn horse is anymore. I think he jumped off of Siren Island too. : )

    Rori – new post please?!?!

  146.  #146Erika on June 25, 2009 at 8:22 am

    Of course, AG.

    I’ll continue with my “scary honesty” here though, speaking purely for myself and my own experience (which to me does not infringe on anyone else’s boundaries), and say I feel shut off and not allowed in. I don’t feel a welcome mat. I don’t feel openness in our connection. And that’s ok. I own those feelings. I also don’t feel comfortable stifling my expression of those feelings.

  147.  #147alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 8:26 am

    something about my vibration triggers other people’s urge to be passive aggressive. partly i think it is people are a little frightened of me when they cross me. i actually feel ok with that. yet so then they are too scared to say anything directly so i feel like they try and sabotage me and take me down in weird ways. i feel weird writing this but since it is my prcoess and am trying to work through it i feel ok knowing people will probably judge me and psychoanalyze me.

    also i feel convinced my own passive aggressiveness triggered other people’s passive aggressiveness. also if i am Vibrating at the vibration of passive aggressive then that is what i will attract. i really feel excited though that the more i am practicing rori’s tools the easier drawing boundaires is becoming for me. so as i heal my passive aggressiveness then i will attract more loving people and sitautions as well. ah i feel a deep breath.

    i don’t want to go into work anymore. i don’t feel good there. i mean i can feel good there. i can keep myself feeling good while i’m there but

    i feel in between. not quite the loving person i desire to be but not at all the toxicish person i used to be.

  148.  #148Erika on June 25, 2009 at 8:33 am

    well, speaking again about my personal experience, if I don’t feel an openness in my connection with someone, anyone, then there is a tendency for me to feel nervous and “choose my words carefully” lest that person be triggered and get angry or shut down.

    yet, I can still feel that person’s energy and vibration even if we are not communicating directly.

    I am no longer willing to live stifling my own feelings. so I am exploring my edge of continuing to express my own feelings in these situations.

    I feel torn right now whether to “pretend” this is not being triggered by this particular situation right now, lest the other person become triggered and angry, it’s a “walking on eggshells” feeling, and then I feel amused noticing I am doing that

  149.  #149Erika on June 25, 2009 at 8:35 am

    or to put it another way, I sometimes feel like someone else’s boundary is an obligation for me to “shut up.” and I’m no longer willing to shut up in these situations because my feelings are my feelings, and another person’s boundary is not a reason for me to stifle them.

  150.  #150alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 8:52 am

    i am going to riff on my work situation which is a fmaily redo. i feel bad to keep making more comments about this dead horse but appraently it’s still alive for me. i feel a thrilling sense of possibility to actually move on from this.

    i feel tired. i feel energized suddenly at the idea of riffing. i feel energy rushing to my head.i feel tightness in my lungs. i feel sadness. i feel quivering lip. i feel abandoned. i feel interested that just came out. that makes sense. i feel tears. i feel no safe place. i feel eyes clenched shut and sobbing gasps of air and blurry eyes from tears. i feel numb. i feel heat. i feel tightness in my head. i feel a holding on. i feel like my whole body is clenching and holding on.i feel annoyed. i feel irritated. i feel banging in my head. i feel like flipping out. i feel amused. i feel tired.i feel depressed.i feel shurring doen. i feel like the battery is not charged aand is running on empty

  151.  #151alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 9:00 am

    i feel itching i feel heat. i feel like punching fiercely. i feel like punishing. i feel rageful. i feel like an explosive device. hehe. i feel amused and disgusted. i feel heat. wtf. i feel heat. i feel really agitated. i feel yawning. i feel like scratching. i feel argh. i feel headachy. i feel tired. i feel like i am shutting down again. i feel like this could be my last breath. hahahaah. i feel amused. i feel tired again. i feel yawning. i feel tired. i feel like stopping. i feel hopeless. i feel like why try. i feel sadness. i feel more tears. i feel angry. no too tired to be angry. i feel tears. i feel soooo tired. omg. whoa i feel like i’ve been drugged. i feel like i’ve been trapped in a toxic tent and it’s like breathing in pesticides all day for x amount of hours and then wondering why i feel tired. i feel like stopping. i don’t even feel like sleeping i feel like i want the off switch. i feel sad. i feel numb. i feel gross like throwing up. i feel depleted of energy. i feel drugged.

  152.  #152Daria on June 25, 2009 at 9:01 am


    I still feel pist I did not say something “better” to the friend of my ex last night when he was being an asshole because he liked me…

    I feel like I let him pee on me… well like I let him put me down…

    And I went into my classic communication of non-communication… that is, standing up tall and NOT Speaking… this was mildly effective but I think there was room for more, for me feeling better, and I feel irked…

    I also feel tense hearing my dad’s voice as I’m waking up… makes me not want to go to sleep early so I can sleep through it… because it sounds like an argument going on and I just tighten up and then feel angry… I like feeling GOOD and FREE in the morning…

    and now I feel angry…

    I have no more tutoring clients… the client I was supposed to have this week has not called me back… I feel like tutoring her is like pulling teeth… she doesn’t like it, she has so much to learn, and I feel like maybe i’m not organized enough to help her most efficiently… but she doesn’t do work outside of our sessions…

    I feel annoyed because yes I was the one who wanted to work with foster kids and I supposedly am supposed to be able to motivate kids that dont want to do their work but right now it feels not good… I feel glad shes not calling me even though that means I have 0% work from my “career”

    so I am expecting to pay all my bills at the end of the week through manifesting

    Thank you Angels

    this feels scary, even though I asked the Angels for help

  153.  #153alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 9:09 am

    i feel woozy. i feel ill. i feel like someone just cut the cord. unplugged me. i feel so tired like it is so much energy to write this. i feel yawning. i feel dizzy. i feel like closing my eyes. i feel yawning. big yawning noises. i feel up against a wall. blocked into a tiny upright fourwalled room smaller than a casket. more ywaning. i feel amused at my yawning. i feel a pain in my heart. yawning. i feel energy in my leg. i feel yawn. scratching. wtf.argh. wow. i feel bizarre. i feel like the most boring documentary ever. hehehe. i feel laughing. i feel giggling. yawning. huge big yawns with noise accompaniment. hehe. i feel not drugged anymore. thank god that felt awful. i feel relieved. i feel yawning. big lion yawns. i feel better. i feel bad because i can’t promise i’m not done going on and on about my family trauma redo/work thing. but i feel a little better now. i feel grateful. and more yawning. ok. thank you universe.

  154.  #154Jody on June 25, 2009 at 9:10 am

    Question, Ive been using feeling messages with “K”, example, “its nice to feel cared for, thank you.” it feels like he is backing away more, is this normal?

    Also, EFT.. Im trying to understand it. is an example,
    ” even though I feel ignored, and insecure, I know I am being true to my heart, and that feels free.”

    AG, Tina, and Daria, u ladies are so good at this, what do think?


  155.  #155alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 9:18 am

    wtf. i feel bad to post more riffing. i feel drugged. i feel yawning. i feel incoherent. i feel drugged. what is that? i feel like a lolling head and fuzzy slow thoughts. i feel slowed down.yawning. who yawns this much? i feel sloppy typing. i feel like flipping out again. three yawns in a row. i feel weird energy in my chin. i feel like moving my jaw up and down. i feel yawning. i feel so embarrassed i am writing this and someone might read it. i feel good to be witnessed. someone infused me with dolphins the other day and i just felt a dolphin.:) yawning. i will feel good to have more dolphins in me more of the time.

  156.  #156Daria on June 25, 2009 at 9:24 am

    Jody EFT is not just about the phrase… its a technique…

    umm.. usually the standard positive phrase is

    I love and accept myself deeply and completely anyways…

    like… Even though x, I love and accept myself anyways

    its ok to change the end phrase to soemthing else, like I know I am being true to my heart and that feels free, but it may be a little too specific for all situations

    for eft you actually tap with your fingers on different acupuncture points as you say these phrases…

    try looking up on

    EFT or emotional freedom technique

  157.  #157Daria on June 25, 2009 at 9:26 am

    PS — I don’t know exactly why, but I don’t feel attracted to it’s nice to feel cared for, thank you… although it ‘should’ be fine…

    what about something more in the moment like…

    I FEEL cared for,

    or I feel good…

    instead of it’s nice to …. or… it Feels nice to Feel cared for

  158.  #158Daria on June 25, 2009 at 9:28 am

    Alias girl… yawning means energy is moving and being released… happens to me in EFT all the time.. yay!

    haha i love the dolphins

  159.  #159alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 9:31 am

    i feel immoblolized. frozen. paralyzed. drugged. chained. walled in. i feel tired of yawning. i feel like punching myself repeatedly. i feel like bashing my head into the wall repeatedly. i feel amused that i Literally feel like doing what i am figuratively doing in real life. i feel stuck. frozen. frozen. numb. stopped. at a red light. tired. sleepy. zzzzzz. i feel like taking a nap. i feel sad about that. i feel too tired to be sad. i feel numb and wanting the off switch. i feel weird noisy long exhale. i feel clecnhed jaw. i feel angry and annoyed i feel like making a flag taht say fuck you and just carrying it around all day everywhere and just antagonistically waving it and shoving it in people’s face and waving it under their noses. nope. i feel too tired to bother. i feel like stopping this riffing because where is my happy plugged in place? i feel like taking a nap. thank you universe. i feel copying of daria by saying thank you but i feel gratitude is kkey and feels so good.and right. thank you. all of all of nothing.

  160.  #160Daria on June 25, 2009 at 9:35 am

    Hey Alias Girl … I think I may have gotten that Thank You Universe from you… so feel free to take it back…

    btw i don’t hear you saying… i love x feeling and that feels like y

    that’s what helps my riffs riff faster… the love… and noticing what has changed

  161.  #161Daria on June 25, 2009 at 9:37 am

    I feel like im interfering and being a knowitall

    i feel a lil worried

  162.  #162alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 9:43 am

    i feel tears. i feel i want to stop riffing and i feel embarrassed but i am still riffing. i feel tears and quivering lip. i feel underwater and weird. i feel cassandra’s saran wrap feeling over my face. i feel angry. i feel rageful. i feel loud long exhale noise. i feel numb.

    i feel buried alive. i feel weird twitching in my leg and my vagina and then a weird jerking movement. yawn. i feel like playing dead possum so no one kills me. 🙁 i feel sick to my stomach. i feel drugged again. twitching.yawn. noisy exhale.yawn. tiredness. twitch. yawn. jerking body. itching.i feel like scratching my face off. weird twitching in my vagina. yawn. phew. i feel numb. tight band around my head. i feel lonely. tears. quivering lip. twitching in my vagina. jerking body. i feel disconnected from my -yawn-energy source. twitching in my vagina. jerking body. i feel like resting or something. i feel depressed. so many yawns. no more riffing

  163.  #163alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 9:55 am

    oh thank you daria yes maybe that will help! thank you daria!!!! i loved my durgged feeling. i love feeling like i can’t move. i love my paralyzed twitching weird self. i love my twitching vagina. i love my yawns thank you yawns for carrying away my energy and being a release valve. i love my sleepy tiredness. i love feelinglike i can’t take one more breath. i love my depletedness. i love my loneliness. i love all parts of me. i love my self betrayal and forcing myself to go to the toxic tent everyday. i love my self abuse. i love my anger. i love my rage. i love my wanting the off switch. i feel tired. i love my tiredness. i feel like stopping. i love my taking care of myslef and stopping when i feel like stoppping.

    i feel uselss to everyone and selfish and hogging. i feel sorry. i feel tears. i love my tears. i love my hogging. i feel bad jody i do not have it in me to respond well at this particular moment.

    i feel grief. i love my grief. i love my tears. i feel weird twitching in my vagina. a catch in my throat. i feel ill. i love my feeings of illness. i love my weird weird twitching in my vagina. ? i feel curious about that but too tired to bother. i love my too tired to botherness. i love my apathy. i love my apathy. i love my apathy. i love all my past mistakes. i love them all. i love my rudeness. i love alienating people. i love that i have the invsible and silent power to make people KEEP AWAY FROM ME. where’s my flag. fuck you. i love my eff u flag. i love that i was having cyber sex.

    yes daria the ilove yous do seeem to help thank you. i feel grateful.

  164.  #164Chanel on June 25, 2009 at 10:04 am

    Hi peeps,

    I’ve calmed down and am in a better place today. 🙂

    Heartbeat and Dorothea,

    Thank you for trying to express what I was trying to say. It felt good that you both seemed to understand why I was feeling so frustrated.


    THANK YOU, the EFT sentences you suggested worked! I did them and immediately started crying and then I realized that it’s not the FWB I can’t let go of… I realized I really miss my husband (well, how he used to be) and I really miss being married. I was very happily married for many years and it is difficult to be alone.

    Then other feelings came up, such as the fear of being alone and then other fears, and I tapped and tapped, and I felt so much better.

    I went to sleep and had a dream about the single daddy that I’ve met and I feel like now that I’ve finally let go of some stuff I can finally turn towards him and SEE him.

    He may not be the next person I marry, but he is teaching me a lot about the kind of person I’m looking for, and what I’m not looking for, so now I can just relax and enjoy his message without worrying so much about the outcome.

    So thank you, Erika, you’ve helped me quite a bit.


    I feel yucky that you copied my posts to you onto your blog. Your comments about this blog were tongue-in-cheek and I don’t think you meant anything by them, but I feel exposed and a bit ridiculed.

    Please do not include any words written by “Siren C” onto your blog any further, that doesn’t feel good to me at all. 🙁


    I don’t really know your circumstances, but I can say this: the desire to be in relationships (your word) with people at work really died down for me as I got older.

    Now that I’m in my 40s, I just go to work and see people as co-workers. Some of them want friends at work and some of them don’t–and that’s their right. Some are friendly and some are not–and that’s their right too, and it has nothing to do with me at all.

    I find that, perhaps because I am a mom, I just don’t care as much. I have a natural leaning back stance at work and people who want to by my friends come to me and are friendly with me. I have two awesome friends at work and I’m satisfied with that.

    I didn’t used to be like that, I used to totally overfunction at work, trying to make friends, trying to fit in, trying way too hard. I had to get along with everyone and feel like everyone liked me. If there was drama, I was talking about it and interested in it which in a way created more drama. Now if there’s drama, or people are talking negatively about eachother, I just walk away and get back to work.

    I’m just letting you know that as I got older, things got easier for me at work because I just let it all go. I guess like Erika, when it comes to the workplace, I strive for neutrality. Interestingly enough, because of that, a lot of people come to chat with me.

    I hope what I experienced helps you in some way.

    Rori: I’m still upset that I don’t feel heard by you, but I did get a lot of help here, from others, so I still feel thankful for this blog. I feel hopeful that you will find a way to provide more support to those of us who are buying your programs because I know that helping people like me is what got you into this business in the first place.

  165.  #165alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 10:05 am

    jody. i feel good you are beginning to practice feeling messages. i feel excited about your potential journey with using that tool!!! magical. i just keep trying to keep my attention on me. how do i feel? how do i feel now after using a feeling message person? do i feel received? cared for? shut down? how do i feel?

    i can walk by someone and get a feeling message and pick up a vibration.

    daria thanks for the suggestion and adjustment. i feel it did kcik in the better feeling place quikcer. i want to remember that for sure.

    daria i used to know some girl who was really wicked smart and she used to tutor also. she had same prblems or challenges with some students. some were great and tried hard and some did not want to be there. it wasn’t personal or reflection of her intelligence. she was really smart too like you are. some of the people just didn’t want to do anything.

  166.  #166Daria on June 25, 2009 at 10:08 am

    hehe… yay!

    this is the part that makes the difference for me and gets me to the good feelings faster…

    i love my “x feeling” AND THAT FEELS LIKE…

    now I check to see what feeling I feel now… usually it will be something else that was bothering me ie.. tense neck.. or soemthing good… like a little smile forming…

    i feel like im pushing my way on other people…

    well ill just take this as a reminder to myself…

    i love my feeling that im pushng my way on other people… and that feels like… smiling a lil bit… hehe… and giggling… i love my smiling and giggling… and that feels like… warm smile with my eyes closed

    yup… when i ask myself what does that feel like… i Really stop and Feel what LOVING those sensations FEELS LIKE..
    it helps me bring the love in as a feeling…

    dup dup dooo

  167.  #167alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 10:12 am

    chanel thanks for relating your exprience. i feel better going that route too. i realize i am an overfunctioner in all relationships. thanks for sharing what works for you. i feel helped by it.

    ok i’ve been on this blog for hours. i feel better from riffing. i feel like moving forward with my day. i wish all the goddesses and sirens goodness and dolphins.

  168.  #168Chanel on June 25, 2009 at 10:30 am


    You said: i love my “x feeling” AND THAT FEELS LIKE…

    That’s very hard for me to do, I get a lot of resistance if I do that, like “bullshit, you don’t like this feeling AT ALL”, lol!

    I guess it takes practice.


    Thanks for the dolphins. 🙂

  169.  #169Daria on June 25, 2009 at 10:34 am




    heres the difference… of course I don’t LIKE this feeling
    but I LOVE this feeling anyway… that’s the difference

    if you look on the side of the blog
    theres the Power and Self Esteem section…

    start with the older posts… read them and make the lists… that’s how I started…

    it will really really help get into your feelings, learning how to riff, and change life…

    its basically the foundation for everything

    i wish rori had arrows that said… start here

  170.  #170Chanel on June 25, 2009 at 10:42 am

    Thank you Daria, I’ll check that out.

    (btw, I’m not Jody)

  171.  #171Daria on June 25, 2009 at 10:44 am


    you’re not Jody…


    i feel bad

  172.  #172Chanel on June 25, 2009 at 10:47 am

    Nah, don’t feel bad. It’s an easy mistake, we came here with the same issue. So did Aldonza (hope I spelled that right). We’re all trying to let go of a come-and-go guy.

    but I really think last night, I finally let go. 🙂

  173.  #173Daria on June 25, 2009 at 1:00 pm


    I feel mad aobut letting that guy talk shit to me yesterday…


  174.  #174tinque on June 25, 2009 at 1:08 pm

    Linmayu – Thank you sweetheart. Your words mean so much to me. And 🙂 please don’t ever lose faith that there is a perfect for you someone out there. He will come to the more you open to really allowing him, the him in.

    I’ve been following all of this, the original posting as well, carefully. The heightened emotions have had me feeling sometimes baffled and curious at the same time.
    I still don’t understand what all the upset has been about. I never really saw any personal attacks. I saw questions being raised, possibilities, varying opinions.

    Jody – How about, “This feels soooo good. ” or “You feel soooo good. ” “I feel safe,’ “I feel happy”. If he comes over to you to hug on you, MELT into him.

  175.  #175Aldonza on June 25, 2009 at 1:12 pm


    I absolutely *resonated* with missing being married. Despite being divorced, I was, for many years, very happily married. I enjoy being in a relationship. I loved not having to worry about who I was going to be with. I felt very safe and content.

    What’s worse, because I was married for so long, a good portion of it successfully, I was quite smug about my relationship skills. Obviously I’ve got a lot to learn about how *I* do relationships.

  176.  #176Daria on June 25, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    I feel frustrated without new reading material on the blog…

    I feel picked and harassed and constrained by my mom

    I feel guilty

    I feel annoyed

    I feel tired

    I feel glad i passed the smog test! yay! and got new tires

  177.  #177Erika on June 25, 2009 at 6:36 pm


    Thanks for sharing that with me. I really appreciate hearing how my EFT phrases helped you. Contributing to the group from my experiences and experimentation is a big part of what motivates me to be here.

    I actually think everyone here could take all of their favorite Rori tools, and then add EFT, and make even faster progress. It’s like riffing with extra Goddess power. It moves and transforms the feelings much faster. What used to take two hours to cry out now takes five minutes.

  178.  #178Daria on June 25, 2009 at 7:11 pm

    Speaking of crying and EFT…

    I have this weird thing that sad songs or song lyrics make me CRY MY EYES out… this is when I think of “lost love” or love in the past…

    so since MJ died today… I ran across these lyrics…

    “Those sweet memories..Will always be dear to me..And girl no matter what was said..I will never forget what we had..Do you remember the time…?”

    well i’ve been bawling my eyes out….

    I have this urge to do so for songs about past love, I can remember ever since I was 11

    I think it’s related to me leaving Romania

    I feel like I moved from Romania and lost the life I was supposed to have…

    not sure how what why the correlation

    just makes me CRY and feel SOOO sad I BAWL…

    happened when Rori put the post about her sometimes having dreams with her past lover in them… triggered the lost love thing even though for Rori it was a good thing…

    i just feel like I lost out on something and I could NEVER EVER get it back… it will NEVER EVER be ok… And I am doomed to know it and live it in suffering of never having that thing that was rightfully mine…

    I guess…

    I dono really all that its about…

    I just know I’ve been bawling out

    just repeating to myself…

    Do you remember the time.. when we fell in love?

    was making me feel like crying… now I’m thinking of this one guy I used to like and here I am shaking and crumpling and sobbing again….


    am i clearing out grief?

    what is going on

    im crying SOOO ?HARD


  179.  #179Daria on June 25, 2009 at 7:32 pm


    well here’s an improvement… at one time when i started thinking of all these loves in the past and how it didnt get to go anwywhere… and then i woudl start bawling like crazy…

    I would think something is seriously screwed up with me and my life and I am just going to suffer etc…

    now I’m realizing its grief and I will feel better…because I am used to riding out the down emotions…

    it would feel great to have some help though

    i feel sad

    I feel sad thinking about a guy I kissed on my birthday last year …

    about guy having a baby…

    and thats the main ones coming to mind

    also a lil bit a guy from a few years ago who is now dead…

    but not as much…


    if i repeat the lyrics to myself I will probably make myself cry again…

    I feel like im clearing out this grief in a good way…

    it would feel great to have help…

    thank you

  180.  #180Erika on June 25, 2009 at 7:36 pm


    How does the sad feel Daria? is it soft and quiet, or like broken glass, or like torrents of tears like a hurricane is blazing through your body?

  181.  #181alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    i feel confused if you mean help from other sirens daria? i love to try and help becuase it gives my busybody something to do. but from experience most times people don’t want my unsolicited help? i will help if you mean from sirens. or if not i feel a little silly and confused.

    aldonza i feel sad when i read bits and pieces about your previous marriage. it seems like it was fairytale and then unexplainable it was not. unless is was just the leaning forward? i want fairytale. forever.

    i felt weird about mj once all the rumors cmae out about him and seemed to enjoy his music less. but today i cried and feel crying now too. i feel sad about mj. but he is probably soooo much happier now. plus he left us with some awesome tunes.

  182.  #182Daria on June 25, 2009 at 7:56 pm


    it felt like torrents of tears… like sobs shaking the whole upper half of my body… face scrunching up… and tears flowing…

    it felt very intensely sad…

    maybe like a kid when she gets hurt…

    AG –

    I did mean help in general including Sirens and Angels thats why I didn’t put Angels (only). AG Your help always feels very helpful to me… i mean like VERY helpful


  183.  #183Daria on June 25, 2009 at 8:04 pm

    So I was looking on Erika’s blog and someone texted to someone…

    “I still fucking love you”

    now this phrase is like the kind of triggers that make me bawl out this way…

    like I still fucking love someone… and they don’t love me back

    or someone else… guy/girl… still fucking loves someone… no longer in their life

    and will go their whole life knwoing they lost… and can’t have what they want…

    i feel clear of tears right now but this is kinda what’s going on wiht my feeling…

  184.  #184alias girl on June 25, 2009 at 8:30 pm

    maybe cuz you love deeply daria?

    i love feeling big deep feelings. i feel ecstatic that i can do that. i feel relief and enjoyment at crying sobbing deep at movies that resonate with me. songs too. i’ll play them over and over.

    happy stuff too though. i just like to get obssessive about a few select things (eh hem this blog) and i dunno.

    sometimes i feel my vibration can get stuck on a familiar comfortable note.even if it’s not good. then i feel inclined to want to riff through that and ascend higher on the vibration scale til i turn invisible. 🙂

    sometimes the familiar ick stuck for me that i keep getting trapped in is old unreleased trauma or possibly my pain body wanting to be fed (eckart tolle)

    depends how i FEEL about it. am i troubled by my sobbing? does it feel bad? or am i enjoying it? i love myself!

  185.  #185Erika on June 25, 2009 at 9:10 pm

    I feel something magical happening. It feels happy like rainbows and glitter falling from the sky. It feels like angels working behind the scenes to bring everyone a happy ending.

    It feels like the end of sadness. Like the beginning of bliss.

    It feels like heart wide open and light radiating in all directions. It feels like every single wrong and slight forgiven and forgotten forever.

    And … I may be projecting, but I feel love radiating from AG tonight. Maybe it was there all along, and I just was blocked from feeling it. I feel it now.

  186.  #186alias girl on June 26, 2009 at 1:04 am

    ericka i feel bad that someone who i do not wish to engage with, who i specifically drew a boundary with and said:

    i feel Unsafe engaging with you,

    still feels the need to purposefully compliment me by name at the soonest possible opportunity to do so. i do not feel complimented at all. i feel dishonored and given an unwanted, subtle invitation/provocation to engage with you by being specifically called out, alias girl.

    i do not want your attention really at all. earlier in the day i felt a possiblity that in the future we might engage if we tried again later on. but at this point i would feel Great to be ignored by you.

    yet i feel everyone has free will and free rights to act as they wish, so if the insistent urge would keep overtaking a person to keep using my name and complimenting me (or cursing me 🙂 ) then i would feel so powerful and special to have someone unable to stop driving their energy toward me.

  187.  #187Soignée on June 26, 2009 at 2:16 am

    Daria, maybe you know that the feelings you have are YOUR own feelings. YOU produce the feelings of love, of fear, of peace, of hate etc. And other people they can only trigger your ability to produce some feelings. Other people only can touch your soul, but YOU produce the feelings. It is also a freedom to know that you carry your feelings inside you and if you feel love, it can be always with you whenever you want.
    You feel that the only source of love are other people and loosing them you can loose your love. But your love is always with you inside you.You do not lose love loosing someone. Your love is always with you inside you, like peace, happiness, balance. If you want you can produce them always !! Love for the world, for you!!!
    It is freedom.

  188.  #188Soignée on June 26, 2009 at 2:22 am

    I wanted to tell you that in recently I adapted a more feminine attitude, also for work. I speak in a feminine naturally soft way in a nice voice.We have a marketing office where the ladies were always very heavy, arrogant and considered us like a lower class, aggressive with bad manners.

    But speaking with them and everybody in a feminine, gracious way made them change. They come to me, sit to me, talk to me (not imaginable before). They start to be more feminine also. And they start to COPY me!!!!

    my new feminine energy is liked.

    I feel better, I feel more goddess, I feel sensual. I feel sexy and beautiful.

  189.  #189Aggy on June 26, 2009 at 2:44 am

    Wah! Wah! Soignee, I just love your comments
    I feel very good reading them, I feel it in my body and that feels awesome, love, happiness, peace, this are virtues that are within me actually and that I can feel them whenever I want! mmh mmh good to know this. thanks a lot dear.

    A more femine attitude is something I would like to know more about if you don’t mind plz tell it here step by step

  190.  #190Soignée on June 26, 2009 at 4:13 am

    Dear Aggy,

    thank you! I feel happy you enjoyed my posts.
    I try to think that if i can love, the feelings are MINE, I AM A PRODUCER OF HAPPINESS, LOVE, PEACE, SEX APPEAL, because if I can feel happiness being with some people, these feelings are MINE!!! And I AM PRODUCER OF THEM. And even I loose a person(who for example does not deserve my respect) I do not loose my ability to love, these are MY ABILITY TO LOVE. The person I loose can not take away my love I have inside me even if he goes!!! Because if i can feel inside my love for him even if he goes (I feel love even if the story ends in absence of him), these feelings are present.

    So my love ability remains with me. So I am able to love, I am able to feel happiness WHENEVER I WANTO TO. I concentrate on HAPPINESS, LOVE, PEACE.

    About the feminity.
    I knew that I could be a more soft person, a woman there were situations I was noticed by the men in the room around even I was dressed in jeans. The other women in the room were beautifully dressed, I was not prepared for a dancing evening, so I was very simple. But some of men came to me because of my light inside. Because I had this smile, this light, I told to myself, I do not need to be noticed, because I am light, I am a kind person, i will be me.
    I sware you 3 men came to me to talk. Because of the light I had inside.
    Sometimes I protect my over-sensitive soul (I am too sensitive, in a way it is bad but otherwise I feel more beauty, love, happiness thank to this vulnerability.)
    A step I made. I worked with a girl, she were calm, gracious on the phone with clients, positive, kind, calm because she is sweet and feminine.
    It is MY sweetness I hided from everyone because I wanted to protect myself from the other. But this girl gave me power not to protect myself. She gave me the knowledge that I could open myself and THIS FEMINITY IS MY POWER.

    I started to calm down, the very first step to write on my cell. phone a word: GRACE !!!to remember I can be gracious on the phone. I started to calm down to respond to the clients, to tell in a gracious manner Thank you. but it feels NATURAL.

    I calmed down my gestures. I feel relaxed.

    Try it.i tried to calm down my voice because I had clients in front of me (I work in a luxury place where there are a lot of demanding people asking for information). So I noticed I could be calmer ONLY BY PRETENDINT TO CALM DOWN THE VOICE!!!! tRY IT.

    Another step. I enregistered my favourite songs because I feel really very touched by music.
    I choose the music with the words I love. And with some of them I imagined that someone tells me the same phrases.

    I bought a relly nice lipstick, with a super red shimmering effect. I put it and I smile and i have in the mirrow a shimmering red wide smile. And this smile is MY SMILE. I put my red lipstick, put my smile on and I go jogging!!! With the music i love. I put a red sporty t-shirt for jogging and I feel gorgeous.!!!!

    I calmed down my way of walking. I imagine to be a princess, and the princess do not walk in a harsch way.
    I remember a compliment of a man (he asked me at the airport if I needed a taxi, I told him I had someone who came to take me home, he told me

  191.  #191Soignée on June 26, 2009 at 4:23 am

    sorry Aggy.

    I walk and I remember these words, SUCH A BEAUTY!!
    And I walk like a princess, very straight, with high heels and nice earrings, with a nice bracelet, with a my favourite perfume I adore, with a red lipstick and I feel gorgeous!!! I speak in a way the other women copy me. It is not so high, but very sensual. Our colleagues when they call on the phone they tell me What a sensual voice!!
    I feel a goddess!!!

    Dear Aggy, I am in this community on this web site because I had a heavy break-up with my ex man and I felt died inside. But these are the steps I took to heal myself. And I thank Rorie, I thank everyone who contributed me to REMEMBER what it is to be a goddess!!
    I am an expert because “expert is a person made every possible mistake in a certain field” It is about me, I made the very same mistake like every woman in this community.

    But maybe my post and experience can help someone.
    I remember being because of the job at a fair where there very models, the most beautiful women you can imagine. The men came to me, they kissed MY HANDS, and our agent for Spain told me, it is because of my sparkling blue eyes and smile and walk.

    I felt irresistible.

    I feel gorgeous. I feel an irresistible goddess with high heels, with red lipstick, with sparkling eyes.

  192.  #192Soignée on June 26, 2009 at 4:29 am

    It can be stupid, but what helped me. There is a song in my language (I am a foreigner and sorry for my english mistakes). And the words in the text helped me, the guy says: I met her and she is happy with someone else but not with me. And how he feels pain. That he lost such a beauty. And she wanted her back, but she is with another guy, happy for a long time.

    These words spoke a lot to me. I have imagined my ex with the same situation. Maybe when I meet him once in life, I won’t need the same situation, but now it helped me. I felt touched by this song. And these words gave me hope I can be happy with someone else.
    So I felt free.

    And the very strange case.

    I looked to myself in the mirror and told to myself “Baby I adore you”. Some days ago when I saw my manager after long, he told me “I adore you”,

    the neighbour – a nice elderly person who knows me well – told me “I adore you”,

    My brother sent me a sms “I adore you”

    Is it not strange?

  193.  #193DocK on June 26, 2009 at 6:07 am

    OK. So I was debating on whether or not to bother to write this or to just sign off from this blog completely (and probably will anyway after my boy voice rant).

    I guess I’ll just feel my frustration, anger, annoyance and exasperation and let my masculine energy go full throttle – which feels like a heavy, but curvy torpedoe shaking in its holding place, straining to be released and finally exploding into the air.

    I came to the Rori blog to learn from other women that are using the tools. To ask for advice, and also, tell my own story at times hoping it may help someone. In my postings I have (rarely, but I have) mentioned a program or tool outside of Rori’s that I found helpful. Mentioned. That’s all. That way, if someone wanted to check it out, pursue it, use it whatever, go for it.

    What I would not feel comfortable doing is to mention it over and over and over again. That feels like shoving something down someone’s throat.

    What I feel now, is something very esoteric in this thread and the last few. A focus on something, EFT, that is not one of the Rori tools (even though she may think it is a fine tool and used it herself) over and over again. I do NOT mind posters using for themselves. I do not mind someone mentioning it. I do not mind emails between folks OFF of this site discussing or instructing it for those who HAVE interest in it. I do not mind, posters using the language of it in their own riff.

    What I do mind is the over-emphasis on it here. I mean, I get being excited about something and thinking it’s the greatest thing and, gee, everyone should use it. BUT maybe I DON’T WANT TO. Maybe I checked it out and it isn’t for me.

    What I had come here to find is emphasis on rori’s tools, advice using them, how they helped someone else, how someone is practice them, etc. The rest, no interest.

    Good luck everyone.

  194.  #194Aggy on June 26, 2009 at 6:17 am

    Soignee, you made me cry, tears of joy and a very good feeling
    I love you for that

  195.  #195Aggy on June 26, 2009 at 6:33 am

    Sognee, I must mention this. after reading your comment I actually practised it, this is what I did in my mind of course
    that love comes from within me
    peace comes from within me
    happiness comes from within m
    and i felt this feeling in my body twingling! twingling! kind of of thing
    so after that I went out to buy fruits and guess what?
    about five men wanted my attention
    hello have you been? why are you soo lost? yet we work in the same place!
    got this same quetion from 4 men when I went to the factory to check on some things
    one of them actually told me ‘ you are soo beautful’
    this felt realy good
    thanks sooo sooo much Soignee
    I will keep on doing this again and again and agian

    okay hope am not a bother here again, how come am getting positive response only from men? you mean the women around me are not getting the vibe or what’s behind all this?

    about your ex…. dont even worry about it with this kind of practise he will either STEP UP! big time or the right man for you will show up, YES HE WILL


  196.  #196Erika on June 26, 2009 at 6:47 am

    Hmm … I feel annoyed reading some of these comments. I feel happy people feel free to express themselves, and I feel annoyed with sentiments that other people “should” not talk about what excites them in the moment.

    I feel like revealing that Rori is the person who turned me on to EFT in the first place.

    I feel like revealing everything. I feel rebellious when anyone seems to have an expectation for me to “shut up” so they can feel “more comfortable.”

    I do care about others’ comfort, but I tend to believe that anything we are resisting is something that needs to be faced (and why what we resist persists).

    I tend to believe that the “shut up so I can feel more comfortable” way of thinking is what got a lot of women into not-so-good relationship situations in the first place. It definitely was my mom’s style, and when I feel annoyed on here, it often reminds me of feeling powerless as a child to her.

    So I’m not going to shut up. I don’t want to shut up. I didn’t come here to shut up. I feel happy that I can be a voice that’s willing to push the edge a little bit.

  197.  #197Erika on June 26, 2009 at 7:01 am

    I am also intrigued by the dynamic of feeling either “ignored” or “criticized”/”called out.” And feeling like someone is saying “if only you had done this, then things might have been ok. but because you didn’t, now it’s too late and you’re going to be punished.”

    I am noticing that this also reminds me of being a little girl with a mother who thought the world was out to get her. I notice unmet needs for acknowledgment while being ignored and for appreciation and being seen while being criticized or called out.

    I feel huge unmet needs for authenticity and connection.

    I feel drawn to continue to explore this dynamic, even though it feels awful, because it also feels important.

  198.  #198Jody on June 26, 2009 at 7:22 am

    Thank you so much Daria, and AG!! I looked it up this morning, and Im going to read those posts! I have been so lost in my emotions, swinging up and down, just all over the place! I think EFT will help me allot!!!

    The conversation was by text, it would have been so wonderful to just melt into him. Even though he wants to get together, I havent agreed yet, Im just not ready..
    He is always telling me to be careful, so instead of ignoring his comment this time, I responded ” it feels nice to be cared for, Thank you K.” Ive been using feeling messages, and he is responding politely, with thank u’s ,and ur so nice, ur awesome, but I feel romanticly him pulling back. Then I pull back, and try to just be. I havent reached that high level of confidence yet. Is it normal for him to step back?

  199.  #199Erika on June 26, 2009 at 7:47 am

    I feel sad. I feel stuck in awful-feeling mother-reminding communication patterns. I feel despair that I’ll ever get her ridiculous crap fully out of my DNA, though I have made much progress. I feel angry at her playing victim. I feel angry that she spent her whole life miserable and refusing help from anyone, shutting help out in any form it was offered. I feel pissed off about being ignored, as if ignoring someone ever solved anything. I feel amused at the words that just came out.

  200.  #200Erika on June 26, 2009 at 8:51 am

    I feel so intrigued by the way I am experiencing this connection. I feel trapped, just like as a little girl.

    I feel that if I obey the command to “not dare address this person,” I will feel stifled and censored.

    I feel that if I use this person’s name, the person will become triggered and angry.

    I feel that if I talk about this and don’t use this person’s name, I will be labeled “passive aggressive” and that doesn’t feel very good.

    I feel like I’m “damned if I do and damned if I don’t.” Which is how I often felt as a little girl. Hmmm…

    I feel compelled to talk about this and bring my feelings about it into the light. It feels healing to me.

  201.  #201Erika on June 26, 2009 at 8:52 am

    I feel angry and shaky writing that. I feel some fear too that there will be “repercussions” … and yet liberated for speaking my truth. I feel intrigued.

  202.  #202Chanel on June 26, 2009 at 9:56 am

    Hi Erika,

    I’m sorry you feel bad and I thank you for helping me and reminding me about EFT. I think I may call you to take the EFT further.

    At the same time I feel I understand Dock. I feel disappointed that I bought Rori’s programs and needed help with them. I emailed Rori and she didn’t reply. I came here for help/support/instructions on how to use her techniques. So I hope you can understand why someone like me would feel frustrated that nobody’s discussing the article at the top of this thread.

  203.  #203Chanel on June 26, 2009 at 9:59 am

    Hi Aldonza,

    You and I seem to be in very similar situations. People assume, because I’m divorced, that my marriage was never good. My marriage was bliss for at least 12 years, with both of us convinced we were eachother’s soulmates. We were very in love. It’s hard to believe that’s gone now.

    Hi Daria,

    Thanks for directing me to the Power and Self Esteem section. There is a lot of information there. I’m working on those excercises.

    Hi Soignee,

    Vous etes francaise?

    You wrote: “You feel that the only source of love are other people and loosing them you can loose your love. But your love is always with you inside you.You do not lose love loosing someone. ”

    Thank you for that, that spoke to me today. So did your other posts. Your experiences are very inspirational.

  204.  #204Chanel on June 26, 2009 at 10:04 am

    Hi Erika,

    I reread my post and it didn’t make sense. I meant to say, I think I will call you for some EFT coaching, so that I can learn to take it further.


  205.  #205alias girl on June 26, 2009 at 1:14 pm


    i feel in the end there is only love. for all his struggles, his foibles, his errors, his misguidedness in the end i feel deep love for mj. i feel sad at his passing. and i also feel ok too since i feel convinced in the end i will find only love. so maybe for him too. maybe for everyone. i feel i have a choice. i can tune into the channel of love. or i can tune into some other channels i have played in the past that are comfortable and easy to tune into but don’t feel good anymore.

    i am reading a book i feel excited about right now called

    ask and it is given.

    a great compliment to roris work since it focusses very heavily on how i feel. i feel good about this new book. i feel i will be able to manifest my castle and kings and that feels very fluttery inside.

  206.  #206Flipper on June 26, 2009 at 1:35 pm

    On the thread before this one, I felt that Heartbeat had some very helpful things to say about the difference between ‘being’ attacked (criticized, ignored, accused, called out….) and ‘feeling’ that way, and saying one or the other.

    Like some others, I have felt the tensions building and sometimes exploding recently, but felt clueless as I’ve not ‘felt’ that ‘attacks’ etc. were being made. I do feel the intense reactions and know the feelings are real, but I guess none of this has been triggering to Me. But that could come from my own default-mode of conflict avoidance/denial, however. So I am learning from how others are dealing with these things, and I’m feeling tense and sometimes annoyed or incredulous, and allowing myself to be surrounded by conflict and not run away or close the lid on it.

    Chanel, I hear your frustration about not getting specific support for your concerns, and feel bad for you. At the same time, I’ve noticed some other women dealing with similar things on other threads , sometimes old ones, even now . It’s hard (impossible?) to pull all that stuff out together from everywhere, but it has felt to me like Rori has been dealing directly with many of these issues in her recent posts, as she said she would when she sees particular themes coming up from several people. It also seems like some of those women don’t seem to be reading Rori’s newer stuff, or maybe just don’t recognize their situation in what she writes, when they ask if they should do just what she’s saying not to do. It’s sometimes the most difficult to see ourselves, especially when we’re upset, we’re just not receptive to much outside our inner storm. But then, that’s the reason to feel the storm through, so it’s no longer clouding our vision, isn’t it?

    Are you familiar with the horse tool? That’s pretty useful for dealing with recurring, obsessive thoughts about the one who’s no longer there, and keeping on our bridge. It’s often referred to, and there is a whole post sometime back describing it.

    Soignée, I just loved your mirror play and ‘adorable’ synchronicity !

  207.  #207Flipper on June 26, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    BTW, I feel scared to death of real horses. My steed is a very strong workhorse to carry around all the junk/guys I throw on him, but inside he’s getting ready to morph into a dashing Arabian that’s gonna whisk me on my way.

  208.  #208alias girl on June 26, 2009 at 2:00 pm

    oh my goodness. freudian slip. i’m not sure i wants kings plural. i feel good to have many suitors. only one chosen king.

  209.  #209heartbeat on June 26, 2009 at 3:10 pm

    Ahhhhh yes – Mother stuff…. well, me too, though not triggered by this blog except as a rung down the ladder (pretty unsettling following the comments recently).

    Following your process, Erika, feels very interesting – kind of like I’m you too, only what I found is a fear of dreadful consequences because of something I did that wasn’t meant to be wrong, but was. And then being abandoned and rejected. In the ‘outer’ world, that is – not here. I’m not referring to anyone here.

    I feel something, reading your comments Erika – and maybe this is mine, not yours – I feel shaking and apology and fear of rejection.

    As for me, I feel tightness and a buzzing head when I get anxiety, it’s felt more like panic attacks – for years (I had PTSD fifteen years ago). I also explored using Rori’s process of noticing feelings – sensations, emotions – and observing my thoughts, though it’s hard to get into ‘witnessing’ mode when in a tight panic. I find Emotrance works brilliantly for me, and then I used TAT on a specific memory.

    I feel sad DocK is saying goodbye. I felt I was connecting with you, DocK. I feel like supporting both you and Erika. What is on the surface is one thing, and beneath, another.

    I can’t be on the blog much for a while, though – it takes a lot of energy maintaining the intensity. It’s like having a PD group every night, which in the ‘outer’ world would be tantamount to being in a therapeutic community!

  210.  #210heartbeat on June 26, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    Flipper I’m smiling at the transformation of your horse 🙂

    I love how a single image can morph over time – all by itself, as my deeper changes take care of themselves.

  211.  #211Linda on June 26, 2009 at 3:40 pm

    Wow, what a line of comments in the blog. So many I had to skim some of them.

    Jody, I read this from you…”is it normal for him to pull back”. I dont know what is normal…anymore. I remember me doing this with someone I cared for very much. I was using feeling messages with him and got the kind of responses you are getting. I felt like wow this is not working, he is just not responding to me. why ??? Then I had to realize that I am using those feeling messages for me. For me to grow stronger and be more authentic and real for me. TO be more comfortable and confident in myself. In the end he did respond to me, he withdrew totally. Was the feeling messages a failure. NOPE…. he responded, maybe not the way I wanted but none the less it was a response. Was I rejected because I was honest and shared. I dunno but, I was honest and that was a huge step in winning a personal victory for me.

    Erika, you are one of the first people on here that I have seen reference your inner guide(the Holy Spirit). I was encouraged, I rely on the same. I dont fully versed on the tools you employ but place that you eminate from is very familiar and known to me. I recognize happily the demeanor and positioning. I “know” that you your commitment to a communication style… compassion becasue it furthers healing) It is mine as well. It comes from a kindred place. Many of the things you have written have spoken and encourage me.

    One thing from last thread challanged a line of destructive thinking in me. “judging guys thinking that they are stringing you along”… boy was I there. That is a roadblock for me inside and my openness. I felt like I was assuming that these guys I am circular dating had full agendas to string me along. That is not the truth and that one line released me from that binding judgment and I feel so much better. I was beginning to feel all mean and bitchy in my heart. That certainly does not radiate what I want or who I really am.

    There are a few men in circular dating path right now. I dont share too many feelings with them honestly. I just dont feel it is prudent or necessary. That takes so much energy to me. I dont feel like investing anything in them that I value right now. They are not canidates. I am waiting and watching for Mr Right. The man that steps up and takes real interest… he is the one that I am watching for. I must admit there is one guy that makes me so mad. He is unreasonable and one sided and so “girlish”…. I love it. I loved how mad he made me. I wanted to explode at him. I felt alive in that anger and I did not need to express it. I just smiled and embraced it because I have felt numb. He is not a partner for me but his message was you can feel anger deeply too and I embraced it and it felt cleansing. If given the chance I will practice with him… because I have tried to reason with my anger and dumbed it all down all my life…. not with him! I will still communicate truthfully (with compassion) but I liked the anger for the first time in my life. It was so real and firey.

    One thing I have can resonate with in the original post here is once a man has outlived his usefulness to you in his concrete form, once he makes you go backward into your head and causes you to feel etc etc…. he is history. WELL SAID AGAIN! I am learning to do just that.

    I had a man that I prayed and fasted over…to gain discernment and I did. It was a roller coaster ride. I learned so much. He is not in my life now but I say now. He had outlived his usefulness in my life right now… but he could well be the one that steps up and be the one…. I dont really shut anything down for good. Someone could always have a great awakening, just like I am… and step back in… I know what I am looking for and will recognize him. It is gonna be so awesome to experience him. He is on his way. In the meantime, I wait actively and Living, giving and Loving above Mediocrity!….


  212.  #212Linda on June 26, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    I”ll be back later and read more. I missed bunches. Right now I am headed out to meet a guy I dont really care if I see or not… to a concert and fireworks outdoors. I will just enjoy the music and diamonds in the sky. I was not going to go.. he is a bore… but the other stuff wont be.

    I feel free to just go and be me I dont care if he likes me or not or if I like him. Just gonna go instead of sitting home…. somehow that feels right. A circular date !…. whoo hoo… (I think) lol

    Hugs… Linda

  213.  #213heartbeat on June 26, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    I’m exploring a balance for me between leaning forward and backward in my relationship. Perhaps I’m not leaning forward in the same way I used to. I was leaning back but unable to express some things that felt important to me. This felt very stressful. I’m taking an ‘I’ll do as I please’ attitude, which is like having no agenda, let’s see what happens. Or it’s like ‘I want to talk about x about myself, is now a good time?’.

    My words – finding my own words – feels more natural now.

    My relationship feels more like a dance, I sense when I feel like leaning back – rather than leaning back in response to his leaning back. Hmmm that feels nice…

    Horse – yes – I agree with Rori – and that feels more bendy and flexible, though I did shred some old letters from an ex of a long time back, not to expunge him, but to expunge all the drama. I say No to drama (and Yes to passion…)

    So if I ever run into this ex I wouldn’t be thinking ‘oh hey, you weren’t meant to show up’. I might feel a little wierd, though.

  214.  #214heartbeat on June 26, 2009 at 3:51 pm

    Once more into the breach – er – bedroom, for ’tis night once more in dear old Blighty.

    Take pity on me, those who have half a day more of waking hours to post on here, while I snore my head off.

    Night night xxxx

  215.  #215heartbeat on June 26, 2009 at 4:00 pm

    Oh hey Linda your post just showed up before mine, bit of synchronicity covering some overlapping subjects! Mmmm enjoy your fireworks.

    Ok night cap on…

  216.  #216Soignée on June 26, 2009 at 4:34 pm

    Dear friends,

    I would like to make you a present.A nice text which touched me some time ago. I found it in a beautiful magazine, it was a nice gift for me.
    I want to make you feel good. I wish you very much happiness and that’s why I want to share with you this text.
    My present for you and may it bring you SO MUCH HAPPINESS YOU NEVER EXPECTED BEFORE !!!

  217.  #217Soignée on June 26, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    The Sunshine State

    I have always been a highly strung person. Relaxation and calm don’t come easily to me, and – though I know I have it better than so many people- I can’t say my life has been straightforward. Just everyone else, I’ve been affected by death,separation and worries about family, health and money.
    Like everyone else, I’ve known failure, rejection, fear, upset and uncertainty. But ask me if I’m happy and the answer will-at just about any time in my life-always be a resounding “yes”!I am,always have been, and believe I always will be, an intensely happy person. Even when things are going badly,it takes a lot to put a lid on me, to keep me down. Yes, I get blue -of course I do. But it takes a very little – an unexpected sliver of sunlit sky, the fuzzy arc of a baby’s head, a remembered silly thing one of my kids said- to catapult my spirits back upwards again.
    Small, imperfect and very ordinary things make me happy, give me comfort and hope. From the moment I wake, I’m alive to smell, colour, light – the shape and touch of the world. And so many things give me the craziest, sweetest pleasure; a cup pf tea; a drop of lavender oil in the bath; a cat streched out stupidly upside down on the bed; half an hour of hoovering- so I can pretend for a moment that I live inside a glossy magazine. Even deciding what to force.feed my kids for breakfast and arguing with them about it; all of this makes me feel good. I’m involved, I’am real, I’m alive. Work, too: a task you’ve been putting off that finally gets done; the unbeatable satisfaciton of a clear desk; the sheer pleasure of finding that elusive hour of concentration; the bliss of the moment when you look up and realise you were thinking so very hard that-for a few moments, anyway you went somewhere quite else.
    And then there’s a whole world our there, crammed with possibility. All the fascinating people you’ve not yet met, the places yot to be travelled to, the thoughts not yet had, the books not yet read (written), the film you almost didn’t bother to go and see, which ended up altering you in some strange and slippery way for ever. Because the brilliance of life-and the source of a great deal of uncomplicated happiness for me-is that you can never know what might come next.
    Call me Julie Andrews if you like(you wouldn’t be the first), but almost every day of my life has been carried along by this feeling of bliss, of joy, a basic lightness of heart that I can only really define as expectation; that things can and will change; that today might well be tough or disapponting. but something pretty wonderful is just around the corner. And the expectation of turning that corner-that , for me anyway, equals hope. And hope-the endless, galopping possibility of hope-is probably the closest I can get to defining happiness.
    Sometines, this so-called quality of mine drives people mad. “Insanely optimistic”, my partner has labelled me during moments of bitter frustration. Poor man. Sometimes when you’re down in the dumps, you don’t want to be told that there are people worse off than you, that the weather forecast for tomorrow is great, or that “I just habe this feeling” it will all be OK. I know, I know. Sometimes problems need to be owned and faced. I am well aware of how annoying I can be.
    “Oh, it’s all right for you”, a (much more pessimistic) friend memorably told me when I was about 25. “Things always happen to you. You’re just lucky.” Given that, at the time, I’d just taken a big risk and left a perfectly good job for one that had gone completely and horribly wrong, and that I was now without employment or even anywhere to live, I was nonplussed.
    But I could’nt argue with her. Things do happen to me- and they did then. Two serendipitous phone calles, a chance meeting, and a week or so of friends’ floors later, I was back in the land of the lucky. And was I down in-between times? No. Depression isn’ really something I do. I told myself it would be OK, and it was. Well, that’s the way I like to remember it, anyway, And isnt’ it the way you remember things at least half the battle?
    I don’t think I got like this all on my own. My Mum -though a little braver and tougher than I – certainly has the happiness gene, if that’s what it is. She always wakes up feeling happy and is also annoyingly resilient in times of trouble. More than that’, her opinion of herself is ludicrously, insatiably high (so is mine by the way). “My Mum says that your Mum thinks a lot of herself”, a friend remarked to me in the playground when I was seven. Devastated, I rushed home and told my Mum, who laughed.
    “Tell your friend her Mum’s quite right; I do. Because if you don’t love yourself, then no one else will.” I took this to heart. Don’t misunderstand me: I can be ferociously insecure, self-critical, nervous, tense and daunted by the world. But I also know I have some mysterious inner resource that, somehow, gets me through. Superstition prevents me from scrutinising this too hard, but it’s the part of me that I cherish most. Call it soul or spririt or heart, but it’s the bit that sustains me when things go wrong.
    I’ve always had it. I’m told I was an optimistic baby, that almost my first words were”I ‘m excited!”I remember being two or three years old and talking on my red-plastic telephone and almost bursting with pleasure. Or, at four, lying in bed on a summer’s night and listening in bliss to the sound of my father wheeling my tricycle back inside-the comforting sound of a parent putting your toys away! Or, at five years, waking early to talk to my toy panda and then fo a jigsaw that my Mum had left out for me. Slotting the jay in next to the thrush, and the blackbird next to the wren. My fingers still remember the rough grain of the plywood, the perfect fit on the shape, and equate with childhood ecstasy. I also remember being 18 and skipping through the streets of Florence wearing espadrilles and a pair of red trousers bought at the Upim supermarket, dizzy with possibility and a sense of my life unfurling in front of me.
    But then again, I also remember standing in the shower about five months pregnant with our first child, on a hot summer’s evening, about to meet someone fairly boring for dinner. A normal day, but the memory has become golden for me-maybe because it stands for that easy, lost, strangely innocent time when there were no chilldren, no arrangements, only the warm satisfaction of impending motherhood. Or, a few months later, standing with the now-teething baby in my arms on a landing covered in black dust as builders knocked our kitchen down. I know very well that, in reality, this was a difficult time- I was tired and mostly alone and the baby cried and cried. But in my head, that memory, too, has turned golden, fringed with retrospective happiness. It was not so bad. My boy and I, we got through – even though he was teething. For some reason, it’ s a good memory, an affectionate one.
    “Ah”, says my Mum, “but that’s you! It’s because of how you look at things, the gloss you are able to put on them”. But I wonder if this is perhaps a bad thing? Is it where the “insane” bit of “insanely optimistic” comes from. Is it, maybe, even dishonest to deal with the not-so-good times like this? To spin them into good, to make straw into gold?

    My Mum laughs. “It’s you. You’ve always been like that. You lift your arms and-whoossh!- fairy dust comes out”. And I smile. Well, all right, she is my Mum. She’s biased with love. I can’t really say I’ve noticed anything magic happening when I lift my arms. But I do know that some days I feel so…blessed. As if Ihave some kind of a direct line to happiness, a short-cut. And it’s true-it’s nothing short of magical.
    My life- with my three beautiful, grumpy teenagers and my books- has turned out so far to be everything I could ever have hoped for. But if you asked me if I feel happier now-having achieved all of that-compared with , say, 20 years ago, the honest answer would be: “Not at all”. Because I strongly remember sitting in a laundrette on the Finchley Road aged 24 and almost bubbling over with happiness, the exact same kind of happiness I feel now. A feeling that life was good and special, and that exciting things were-yes-just around the corner.
    I also remember, a few years earlier, waitressing on the weekends to pay my university rent and feeling that- wow-life was just so good. So nothing’s changed, actually, to know that it’s only other people’s perceptions that alter, not my own.
    So how, in this strange uncertain, godless age, do we hold onto happiness? Well, I have my own unerringly, unfalteringly optimistic theory. I believe that the solution is simple: you need to give thanks. If you believe in God and go to church (which I don’t) then, of course, this is easy. The structure is there for you, tested and ready-made. You worship and you give thanks.
    But, as a non-believer in a secular world, it’s a bit harder, although every bit as important. You have to remind yourself at every possible opportunity to count your blessings, to remember just how lucky you are to be alive, to be here, to be you. It’s not about religion or piety, but sanity. I believe-and I am deadly serious about this – that counting your blessings is one of the true keys to modern mental health, and to avoiding the self-absorption that can lead to a lacklustre life.
    So I try to teach my children to see the good in life and be thankful. Giving thanks is not, of course, going to solve every single problem in the world, but it’the best way, surely, of taking stock, and of loving what we have, of holding onto the side of life that keeps us sane.
    It works for me, anyway. Laugh all you like and call me Julie Andrews, but I do believe I avoid a lot of heartache and (maybe) therapy by looking at the sky and just remembering to feel glad. Now, where did I put my fairy dust?

  218.  #218Jody on June 26, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    Thank you for sharing your experience with me. by using the feeling messages i can tell im not covering pain and fear with anger. but i also feel very exposed. I guess, well I know I still care about the outcome.
    I hope you ended up having fun!

  219.  #219alias girl on June 26, 2009 at 5:03 pm

    soignee i feel so good reading your comments. i feel delicate. i feel appreciative to be reminded oy my goddessness and my choice and also my choice regarding what i feel at any moment. i feel good.

    jody the self esteem series was Life Changing For me! i feel so excited that your are delving into it.

    linda i feel lovely sharing your journey with you.

    i feel ok to witness all journeys. even when they may seem difficult or impossible or any judgment one might term in an inner nasty voice. i feel good to be learning and letting goo and shedding ways of being that don’t feel that good anymore.

    i feel appreciaitve.

  220.  #220Soignée on June 26, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    Dear Aggy,

    thank you, i feel happy about your comments.
    I wish you feel happy as more as possible, the most of your days!!!

    Last year my soul was in pieces, I was dead inside after a really heavey break-up. I did not believe in love anymore. When I see the story, the more intensive experience I had where I was a totally feminine, when I found everything I needed. Months of living together, he brought me to work, picked me up after work to stay always with me. He seemed not to be tired and I did not feel that. And then his ex wife (they broke BEFORE ME!!! It was so much time before the relationship started) with child came back and he could not decide what to do. I dedided to go away. But his whole attitude, this feeling as he was indifferent. I was literally broken. I had no hope. Even at this moment I want to cry, I feel sad. He broke my soul , I felt betrayed, I could not imagine so much lie. he knew me so well.
    I was a living pain. i did not believe to anyone and anything anymore. I loved him, but so much lie it was too much for me.So I needed time, space and I tried to find something to heal me. It was Rori. And after that I discovered those truth about the dynamics, leaning back girl, a goddess like attitute, it healed me. I know my past mistakes. And another truth about the feelings, it is my feelings, I AM PRODUCER OF MY FEELINGS was a freedom to me.

    I love the truth in my life about love, beauty, kindness, peace, and I can produce them whenever I want.

    I discovered finally that being kind, genuine can be a power. I hided them in my protective way, it was too masculine.
    And after Rori I am another woman. I do not hide me anymore. I do not hide my vulnerability any more.
    Rori gave me hope. And the truth about my own feeling production.

    I use these tools which work for me. I use the scents I love, I use the colours I love, I am getting more sensual every day. It gives me joy and to feel beautiful. It makes me smile. The music with the texts which are important to me are the words i repeat to feel good.
    I eliminate everything toxic to me, toxic situations, toxic people, my toxic attitudes, the useless objects. That gives me hope like making order in my flat.

    And these exercuses with mirrow and a red-lipstick smile. Everything gives me hope and joy.

    Thank you girls,

  221.  #221Soignée on June 26, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    Dear Chanel, dear Alias girl, dear all who liked my posts.I feel glad, i feel appreciation.
    Aggy, if i made you cry for joy, it feels like a surprise.
    You ask me about the women vibe about your experience. So in my experience, women will notice you when you have better elegant manners . I think they will appreciate you also for your feminity, when you do not try to make a lot of useless motions, they will notice you, when you are aside and not too much available.
    It works for both. And you will attract also the women with similar qualities. I think in this way your happy feelings are strong. It is my experience<. when I felt very much joy, (a joy overfloating, a little bit also aggressive even not in negative way) you attract men. If you feel also joy but a little bit calmer joy, you attract both, men and women. it is in my opinion. like with stronger joy energy, the men are attracted. the calmer inside joy is like an intrigue, is attractive for both men and women.

  222.  #222Erika on June 26, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    Chanel, I’d love to talk to you about EFT. my email is

    Heartbeat and Linda, thank you for your heartfelt responses. I feel supported.

    Actually I felt better this morning almost immediately after expressing all that. I’m glad everyone seems to be ok with me posting it.

    I saw one of the marriage guys last night. He kept hinting around about marriage, maybe to show me that he really is serious. He said how he doesn’t resonate with his “chronically single” male friends.

    So I feel very proud of myself because today I brought up the idea of kids. I didn’t even have to do feeling messages, I just said “Are you interested in having kids?” like it was no big deal. and he texted back with lots of smily faces and wants to talk but definitely seems open and seems thrilled that I’m actually considering the marriage possibility.

    This feels like such a huge transformation from three years ago, it’s ridiculous. I was so scared back then. Now it seems so silly. I’m like “of course all these guys want to marry me and have kids with me.”

    I feel amazed at how far I’ve come 🙂

  223.  #223Erika on June 26, 2009 at 6:31 pm

    After all, I am a Goddess. It’s just that somehow I forgot that along the way. It feels good to remember.

  224.  #224Daria on June 26, 2009 at 6:54 pm

    This EFT im doing when i get a bad “thought” or something that I’ve noticed before… ishelping keep me in a real nice mood… its like stuff is just flowing…

    im asking guys for stuff and theyre giving it to me

    im asking questions… Being Curious… is how I talk to people without being lean forward… and Passion Stories…

    Im feeling good imagining my life is magical…

    Even though my life is not magical.. I love and accept myself anyway…

    i do the EFT in my head when ppl are looking… it feels challenging to IMAGINE tapping on myself at each point… it feels like working out a muscle… but I’ve been doing it and I feel tooloollooo

    i just do one round so its enough to “chase” the little thought away… it’s not like an intense in depth session…

    i read this article where the lady talked about chasing the thought away until basically it is not a reocurring thought anymore…

    looking forward to living life without reocurring bad thoughts having power over me…

  225.  #225Erika on June 26, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    Back to the original post. I still find that ignoring a man makes me think about him MORE. The energy is going to go where it’s going to go. My assignment is to bring awareness to whatever’s being triggered in me.

    Sometimes leaning back makes me think about him more too, and sometimes leaning back just doesn’t work. Someone needs to say “are you interested in having kids?” I like how Daria put it, curiosity is a great way to be able to initiate and keep things flowing and find out the answers to the questions you really do need to know without leaning forward. Daria, I love how you put that.

    Now I’m going out with cleavage bared. I never do that. I feel sexy. There must be something in the evening air, perhaps some knight’s love potion or a cupid arrow 🙂

  226.  #226Dorothea on June 26, 2009 at 10:03 pm

    i can’t read all this any more and i promise if i want to i will go to erika’s blog. this blog is called have the relationship you want not have the erika you want. maybe at some point the comments stopped consisting of annoying redundant crap but i couldn’t bring myself to see where it went (i’m feeling pessimistic about the outcome). this place feels sucky right now. this blows. this post i’m typing right now is not another excuse for hundreds of erika-centric threads. post or do what you will to try to leech energy and attention out of me in commenting again or responding and dragging out more of the same but i’m straight up through. peace out for now.

  227.  #227Erika on June 26, 2009 at 10:48 pm

    wow dorothea, after baring my soul here, all I can say is

    Ouch. That hurts

    I feel sad it touched pain in you

  228.  #228Erika on June 26, 2009 at 11:16 pm

    Perhaps indulge your own “attention whore” once in a while. You might like it :-p

  229.  #229heartbeat on June 27, 2009 at 12:46 am

    Whoa my heart nearly stopped reading Dorothea’s comment! I feel stunned.

    Whatever my previous anger at Eirika, I feel her inner presence in her last few comments. I feel amazement at sharing a similar process regarding mothers.

    I like that Erika is taking full part in this ‘Rori’ process, as I am, rather than dropping by occasionally as she used to.

    I, too, prefer to explore the tools Rori provides but also appreciate links to helpful information that I can look at and share experience of. Especially when it dovetails into this beautiful feminine journey.

  230.  #230heartbeat on June 27, 2009 at 12:58 am

    On the subject of links, I have many to thank for info on TAT, self-help on YouTube, and swimsuits (!).

    The prompt to go to YouTube (thank you Daria) has also been fantastic in my work, it’s great to show clients the range available and then they can choose to explore further or not. I use Hemi-synch CDs and there’s even stuff on that on YouTube too. Brilliant!

    Hemi-synch balances/connects the left & right brain, the logical thinker and the holistic creator. I particularly like being able to put the CDs on headphones and not have to think. Anything that stops me thinking too much is great for me, I only want to think when it serves me to function in the world or to help me create a painting, poem, garden etc.

  231.  #231Daria on June 27, 2009 at 1:09 am

    Im getting shameless when it comes to money and men.

    Im asking for what i want and getting it… I did it all day.

    I asked the guy who took me to lunch for parking money… straight up…

    I asked the guy I saw next for something

    I asked the guy I hung out wiht tonite for pizza… and was gonna pay for my own tiramisu and then didnt

    I’m not doing this rudely and i’m not feeling like im taking advantage because thats not what im doing… i’m only stating my wants and my truths and letting them handle it… and help me…

  232.  #232gina on June 27, 2009 at 1:10 am

    About Erika’s EFT info: I don’t see what’s the big deal – it’s not like other people are being denied an opportunity to comment. I do generally skip through EFT this and that, but I don’t mind it. However, I used to feel super triggered by a certain poster, so I think I understand the feeling.
    I’ve been thinking about the idea of “feeling judgmental” and what that means. Sometimes I feel rage and disgust and annoyance in response someone’s behavior, and I’m wondering: how is ‘judgment’ different than those feelings? For instance – the last guy I went out with for more than 1 date: he would say something that I didn’t think made complete sense: the thought was judgment, but the feeling was annoyance and contempt. I would express my thoughts and feelings and totally rip the poor guy to shreds. I don’t know what to do with powerful feelings of annoyance and disrespect. Are those feelings that we should go ahead and stuff down? I stopped seeing that guy, cause obviously I’m not that into him, but I know there’s a good chance I’m gonna disagree with a guy who I am attracted to. And when I disagree, I feel stuff – it’s not just the opinion that is somehow separate from my feeling. I am passionate about my “stance,” and if I think the guy is ‘wrong,’ I’m gonna have an emotional response. How do I respect the guy, and my emotional state when I disagree?

  233.  #233Daria on June 27, 2009 at 1:12 am

    It feels really cool to be shameless about asking for help and money because it seems that its not even bad… it just was in my imagination… as long as ur not taking advantage of them ppl are happy to help you…

    that is really cool…

    heres a logic puzzle

    You’re in a room with 2 doors. One door leads to freedom. Two genies are with you in the room. One genie always lies and one genie tells the truth. You don’t know which genie is which, and the genies know which door leads to freedom. You are allowed to ask 1 question. What do you ask and who so that you can get to freedom?


    I gained 10 pounds and I love it but my parents keep telling me im fat… i look super sexy…

  234.  #234Daria on June 27, 2009 at 1:15 am

    OHHH Gina awesome question!!!

    Totally! LIke if he likes some lame music… I feel turned off!

  235.  #235heartbeat on June 27, 2009 at 1:22 am

    Hmmm…. I’d ask either of the genies ‘how many genies are in the room’

  236.  #236Flipper on June 27, 2009 at 4:38 am

    I feel great admiration, attraction and Gratitude for people when, like Erika, they insist on exercising their compassion and risk rejection and conflict. I might not Like their tough love, but I know that’s the proof I’m looking for when I’m talking/behaving nasty, hiding my true vulnerable self, pretending this and that, provoking the world and my loved one to Still love me despite my inner, outer or whatever yuckiness. For me, that’s a quality I want for myself (towards others and myself) and that I deserve to find in friends (and even more in my partner) – it makes the difference between friendly acquaintances (fun but you can’t count on them) and a real friend (they’re still there for me, giving their best, even tho’ I’m not ready for it and am giving them cause to feel bad about loving me).

    I also resonated with the mother stuff – truth to tell, that’s the basis for my extreme anguish and resistance to my upcoming trip. Some people near and dear to me are ‘getting’ it – I might dare confide in them, rather than tell myself I Must protect them from it.

    Re EFT – I understand, sympathize with feeling fed up about something like that seemingly being over promoted – and even felt annoyance myself about that or other stuff sometimes. AND I feel it’s been perfectly legitimate here – the recent flurry seems due to newbies getting tuned in and happy practioners sharing their enthusiasm and success. Specifically about EFT (basically, tapping on particular places of one’s body while expressing feelings, affirmations etc), this fits perfectly with Rori’s approach of uniting the feelings with the body and learning how each supports the other and multiplies our possibilities, whether she prones it specifically by name or not. There may be a new-agey aura about it (put me off, too, for a long time), but reinforcing our beliefs through associated physical acts is a proven technique for really making them ours in our deepest core, and this particular technique is simple, easy to learn and practice alone or with others, can be done anywhere. And just as we don’t necessarily have to like what we want to love about ourselves , I don’t even have to Believe in it (or tree touching, stroking something soft, etc;) for it to start working. (For the curious or intellos, one of the things that strongly contributes to the unshakability of most Moslems’ beliefs is the physical practice of prayers in a certain way, 5 times every day, which is even further reinforced by doing it as a group.)

    I also feel that saying what I want went the other isn’t leaning back is NOT leaning forward. It’s being open and exposing my vulnerability, by choosing a moment which feels appropriate, when he is is open and leaning toward me. That means the safe place would feel like it’s been created between us, and we (both he and I) can express our hopes and needs there without their being taken for neediness.

    Choosing our words: it makes all the difference if we say ‘I AM mad’ (my identity is anger – pretty scary to anyone around) or ‘I FEEL mad’ (I own my anger in this moment, but anger doesn’t own me – most of the time, people can hear this).

    Judgments are thoughts – and our brain can use them to rationalize our feelings, to justify a feeling or give us an arm to defend ourselves, disguising it as a neutral assessment – and they can be aimed against someone. We need judgments to make decisions, but we don’t have to use them as arms. We can agree to disagree, or decide not to share our company with those we think are wrong, without blaming them or making them feel wrong. (I could say: “I don’t think that’s correct/good. I don’t want to feel bad about accepting that/condoning it. I recognize your right to your opinion, but I don’t feel comfortable being with someone who has those beliefs.” What do you think?)

    I feel sad and apprehensive that I’ll be away from the site awhile. I feel hopeful that I will try more actual practicing to make up for it, rather than heading for a quick-fix read-along. Big hugs.

  237.  #237gina on June 27, 2009 at 7:17 am

    I hear you flipper, about how judgments are the rationalization of feelings. I don’t feel confident about what to do with my negative feelings when it’s stuff about a person that turns me off.

  238.  #238Linmayu on June 27, 2009 at 8:11 am

    I feel like I’m going to need to be gone too. My only reason for hanging around is in hopes that I might inspire someone to come to the Gift…and that feels skeevy to me to be promoting something I’m involved in even though I don’t get paid to do so. I’m feeling a lot of anger flying at Erika for her mentioning EFT and I don’t want that directed at me.

    Really, I know from experience that those women who feel called to the space will show up regardless of what I do or do not do. I had been holding on to a hope that someone from here would feel inspired to go, and then I would get to meet that person/people and make a connection.

    Really, when I came here I was looking for a substitute for that space because circumstances kept me from being able to attend circles.

    I’m not circular dating and I’m doing a lot that Rori says not to do…so maybe I don’t belong here anymore.

    However, so many Sirens here are so precious to me. If I tried to call them out by name it would take pages andi would certainly forget someone and perhaps make her feel sad, so I will say this: I cherish each and every one of you for your contributions to the growth and happiness I’ve experienced from being here. I honor Rori for making this available; she goes far above and beyond what id expect from anyone who makes her living at this–as far as how much she gives free of charge. No one else gives so much assistance without charging.

    I may be back at a later date. Im too addicted to stay away for long. 😀

  239.  #239Erika on June 27, 2009 at 9:03 am

    I love this being shameless about men and money. It feels very liberating. Did you do any tapping to get to that space? I’m curious …

    Flipper, Gina, and Heartbeat,
    Thank you for your posts. It feels heart-warming to read them, and I feel all glowing inside. I stopped feeling triggered, again, as soon as I expressed the pain that I was feeling. I love this magic. I love speaking up when words hurt and feeling better regardless of whether I get a response from the other person or not. I love that I’m no longer willing to censor what comes.

    I didn’t realize you were looking for company to an event, and I’m not familiar with the Gift … would you feel comfortable sharing more, or did I miss this somewhere else?

  240.  #240Daria on June 27, 2009 at 11:04 am

    I mainly took the attitude that men WANT to help me, people WANT to buy me stuff and pay me for what I have to offer…

    that asking for what I want is NOT using someone,

    and that men won’t judge me on expecting them to pay for stuff…

    i felt inspired when a lot of ppl here shared how they feel constrained by the pressure to have a “career” and how they’d rather do things that feel good… that really helped me to open up that I have worth even without “working” and making money for it…

    I still feel interested in making money as a magical thing… I am treating money as a man, leaning back, being warm and open and appreciative when he comes to me, and telling him what and what does not feel good…

  241.  #241Daria on June 27, 2009 at 11:04 am

    I also have been spending money on myself, taking myself out to eat, etc…

    this has made it much easier for me to accept being taken out to eat by men and feeling like i deserve it…

  242.  #242Daria on June 27, 2009 at 11:05 am

    Erika I may have used some EFT, I’m sure I did because I’m using it practically every 30 seconds now… hehe

  243.  #243Erika on June 27, 2009 at 12:01 pm

    cool, I’m going to play with this one today, Daria.

    last night my girlfriend and I were in some magical space. I blogged about it today. We were approached by at least 20 men without us doing anything. we were not flirting or intentionally making eye contact or anything. and men bought us drinks without us asking, too. It felt amazing 🙂

  244.  #244alias girl on June 27, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    yes heartbeat that was good. but isn’t there only one question allowed? i’ll have to scroll back up. because then you used your question and still don’t know which door leads to freedom.


  245.  #245alias girl on June 27, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    hey why did it post. but anyway try the door and if it’s wrong just tryy the other one. and then take the honest genie with you and go have FUN!!!!!!!

    what do you think???

  246.  #246alias girl on June 27, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    oh wait. the question thing won’t work. hmmm. how do you know if the answer is a lie? well who cares if they lie just ask them for wishes and see if they can make them come true. if not jst walk out the freedom door.

  247.  #247Flipper on June 27, 2009 at 2:38 pm

    I feel like qualifying what I wrote about judgments. I meant judgments (rational assessments by the brain) are Often necessary for decisions in everyday life, but that’s only part of the story. My Feelings are also Essential to making good decisions for my life. So I don’t want my feelings to be highjacked by my thinking side and repackaged into something that only Looks logical and that I will use as a weapon to attack unfairly (and ineffectually as well, as far as my true interest goes). I want to respect the other’s right to be how they Are, and say what they say. AND I also want to defend myself behind solid boundaries. So I want to learn to quickly notice when it’s my negative feelings that are kicking in, then feel them through while trying to see if their intensity is really coming from this moment or somewhere else – not the actual person in front of me – but from my own history. Once I get what is whose (whew, not so easy – so many automatic reactions still coming up, and feelings hiding deeper feelings), I feel this is where my brain can help me decide if my self-preservation needs me to offer a feeling message and find the words, back off – temporarily or for good – and realize that I have nothing to gain by an offensive stance.

    I tend to make-excuses-for-everyone-else, so I’m mostly working on allowing my feelings to surface, and then heed their message in time. I rarely attack, but I do beat myself up for or regret over- accommodating others or accepting bad behavior. So I want my anger to push me to act and speak in my interest, but not to take up the sword.

  248.  #248alias girl on June 27, 2009 at 2:39 pm

    oh no i just scrolled up again. yes heartbeats question WILL work! cool. a genie of my own and freedom. yeehah! woo. yes. nice! i feel zippee.

  249.  #249alias girl on June 27, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    daria i feel confused about directly asking what i want. isn’t that masculine? i would LOVE to just ask for what i want.

    i would also feel fearful that in the beginning the guy may say yes just to please but long term he may get resentful

    i would LOVE to just ask for what i want. hmm but then i would have to keep my expectations out the window because what if he says no. then i might feel angry and deprived.

    i feel very curious about your new experiment though. i feel appreciaitive of you sharing it.

    i experimented with my cyber sex guy and made first move. ugh. i think in all my life i have initiated sex two times and both times went not well or sexy. ugh.

    i love experimenting with my cyber sex guy with honesty and feeling messages! i feel very safe and free to say or do almost anything i want and then see the results. i feel happy that he is still playing this experiment game with me. 🙂 yae!

  250.  #250Ann on June 27, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    AG I feel really inspired by you. I see you setting your boundaries and enforcing them in a gentle but firm no nonsense way. I hope to be like this soon.

    Daria thank you so much for answering my question. I’m really listening(and I hope learning) from your handling of money. Money is a big stressor for me right now. You’ve given me alot to work with.

    To me what I’m going to say is strange. My granddaughter has been a Spongebob fan for several years his laugh gets on my nerves so I’m not a big fan. But I’d like to be as happy and positive as Spongebob.

  251.  #251Daria on June 27, 2009 at 8:58 pm

    Squeeeze spongebob… it would feel great to squeeze him.. i like squeezing the shit out of cute cuddly things like my cat…

    i feel offended by my shit word

    AG – when i share what i want i just share… like really randomly… like i share that i feel like having shrimp… or shrimp would feel really good to eat… i don’t really expect the guy to fulfill it… i more expect the universe to fulfilll it…

    i also fufill it for myself…

    im feeling guided by intuition because that is my actual feelign in the moment and im sharing, not controlling on having htem fullfill it

    see they WANT to please me so i am helping them by sharing my desire…

    sometimes they figure it out themselves but they will feel really happy when they know clearly what i want …

    that is how im viewing this… if i feel worried they will get resentful i know i am triggering myself… as long as i embrace it i dont have to worry…

    i am living my magical life where people want to pay me for what i offer and buy things from me and help me feel even happier

  252.  #252Tracy on June 27, 2009 at 10:16 pm

    I feel all warmed up by the comment about spongebob….
    It would feel great to always view life from a light note and have this positive attitude towards everyone…….
    I would love to always view life with a happy tune to it…..
    I am thinking that……isn’t that how we should focus and try and live our lives…..just happy full of optism and positivity no matter what is going on………….

  253.  #253gina on June 28, 2009 at 12:41 am

    Ugh! I bet if I let go of annoyance and contempt, thus judgment and condemnation, I’d be more competent at a lot of things – I feel this block of loathing. Loathing for humanity – my own and other people’s. It interferes with my relationships, with my success and my sense of joy.

    Tonight I got “in trouble” at work for stuff that seemed unfair to me. But I think that I’m a target cause I tend to be incompetent. It really sucks. Cause I spent the day flea market shopping for my new apartment that’s gonna be downtown – it’s gonna be so much better, I’m so excited. The stuff I bought requires some work. So I went to home depot and got hinges and paint and what-not, got home and worked in the blazing sun feeling all proud of my fortitude and creativity, and things were turning out beautifully. I could feel myself beaming, I felt less inhibited, free, proud of myself.

    Got to my job tonight, and thought it was an uneventful pretty okay night, except that I kinda got a bad vibe from my managers, and then I unexpectedly got in trouble. I wanted to get to the bottom of it. I asked a co-worker, and he let me know some things that have been frustrating him, and I feel awful. This sucks. My job is NOT THAT COMPLICATED. I’m a cocktail waitress on fri and sat nights. Daria, BTW, I thought of you tonight, cause I can make a couple hundred dollars a night, and I get to be all dolled up and cute while I do it. I just wish I didn’t suck at it – I feel so anxious and nervous walking in high heels with a tray full of drinks dealing with people- I get all uptight.I’m always pissing someone off: the managers, the head waitresses, the bartenders, the customers. I lost a ton of confidence, and started doing clumsy dumb stuff, so they’ve been giving me fewer tables. I thought I was totally working my way back up, but tonight I find out, that even when I thought I was improving, I STILL was pissing people off. But I have a hunch that if I wasn’t so hard on everyone, including myself, that it would be much easier to follow simple system that works. Aha – this is Miss Complicated interfering again. COMPLICATED. I FEEL SO FRUSTRATED. It’s like earlier today today I felt a glimmer of MYSELF free of all the baggage and BS and inhibitions that results in incompetence and a feeling of unworthiness. I felt beautiful. And then it all switched back to usual. As I was driving home, I asked myself WHY is it that I am dealing with this constant challenge at that job??? And the answer I came up with was that these conflicts will fade as I grow in compassion for myself and others. Cause even when I look back at the parts of today that felt good, there were moments when I could have treated my roommate with more compassion. And there were moments I could have smiled and addressed random people. Not that I’m obligated to, it’s just that I feel stifled – like I’m not free to interact as I would if I were totally being true to my feelings. This makes me think of the kids at the preschool. The 3 year olds are so true to themselves. The yell out hi and bye and give big hugs and cry their eyes out. I’d like to feel as free as they are. I just realized that I don’t trust myself to be free AND not drop a tray of drinks or trip, or say the “wrong thing”, avoid a fight or a flirt with the wrong person. I feel like I need to keep things under control. but it’s like my spirit is trying to break free of all this control, there’s all this inner conflict, and the result is mediocre behavior. I’M SO SICK OF IT!!!

  254.  #254gina on June 28, 2009 at 2:41 am

    I feel bad for all that negativity. On a brighter note, I did try saying “even though I am struggling at my job, I love myself completely,” among other things – and I do feel more at ease

  255.  #255alias girl on June 28, 2009 at 1:22 pm

    ooh i love the fun vibe that spongebob brought out! 🙂 thanks ann!

    Daria i feel VERY INTRIGUED with your magical life of manisfestation. i feel very drawn towards it like if it were a bouncing tent i would want to step inside. yes. hmmm. i feel curious how i can apply this to my life. i can feel my controlling-ness with if i state a want, sort of sneakily wanting the man to provide it. i feel interested in playing with this whole idea.

    gina i feel fabulous reading your journey. i feel amazed to read your honesty. i feel excited to witnessing you step into your self loving goddesshood. (even if the road feels bumpy or the soup seems murky sometimes)

    a guy online said i was intimidating. i feel sad to be considered so intimidating. rrrrrrr. i feel like a big lion. i used to feel l like a stepped on little mouse. now i feel like a BIG SCARY ROARING LION. heehee. i feel good to be on the other extreme but really would feel better to be able to let my vulnerable soft fun self be seen and be a companion to people.

  256.  #256Ann on June 28, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    Your welcome Alias Girl it appears to me Spongebob always sees the good. He looks for the good, he makes hisself happy. And altho, he’s a fictional character I feel he still has a message.

    I too am enjoying reading how Daria is getting what she wants. Again I feel there is something for me to learn there.

    At times I feel disconnected from everything and everyone. That feels very alone. At times I feel there is “something” I’m missing it’s just right out of my grasp but I know it’s there. I know it’s within me I just need to release it.

    At other times like now I don’t feel great but I know I’m not alone. I know I will learn what I need to help me. Seek and ye shall find.

    I thank everyone for the teach you do by sharing.

  257.  #257ms on June 29, 2009 at 6:59 am

    I was approached by a man that he needed a mom, and a friend and i stepped in and really cared for him even taking him on our family vacation. He claimed to have been suicidal and i discovered that removing him from his environment he was so happy. Unfortunately i can’t help my feelings for him as it was so fun. we went to pumpkins farms as kind of a family , He my daughter and myself and lots od fun activities. he told me he was not interested in a romantic relationship with my then underage daughter soon to be graduating high school.We were due to move to all our dreamsm, my daughter and i and he begged for us not to move. So We stayed giving up everything for him and to take care of my Mom who was not healthy and needed help. Now, I’m cast aside and they are dating and i found out they were involved behind my back and my loving daughter is pitted against me. Her Education is important to me and he keeps making plans to see her during the daY WHICH PULLS HER AWAY FROM SCHOOL AND LEAVES HER HAVING LITTLE ELSE THAN HIM. SHE HAS LOST INTEREST IN HER OTHER ACTIVITIES and allways gives up things for him. Also honestly i thought he was my friend. betrayed!Any advise? hes a very nice man, but this has been too shifty for me.

  258.  #258Daria on June 29, 2009 at 11:16 am

    MS – This situation feels scary and awful…

    I would definitely do nice stuff for you… and try to go out and meet men. I would not think of this guy as a ‘friend’ any more…. and continue to treat my daughter as I planned to treat a young woman I am raising. That would include rules about putting school first.

    This situation feels gross and awful to me. I would suggest to go with daughter to a family counselor, perhaps one that Rori may be ablet to suggest.

  259.  #259alias girl on June 29, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    MS -i feel tentative. i feel frightened. i, personally, would try to get myself into counselling to see if i might start to sort out my distortions and lack of boundaries if i found myself in that co-created situation.

    i feel weird saying my truth. but not terrible since it was asked for.

  260.  #260christine L. on July 1, 2009 at 7:47 am

    I just started reading your blog. And getting your emails. I feel so much better after reading all of them. I was with a very toxic man, who I let into my life over and over and over again. I love how your advice is to be ok wit your self, and love yourself, and everything else will go smoothly. Being with this man, made my self etseem go way down, when in the beginning of our relationship I was this confident, amazing, woman. And I know I have that in me somewhere, and I am going to strive to get her back. Thanks for all of your encouraging blogs! Keep it up

  261.  #261Rori Raye on July 1, 2009 at 11:21 am

    Thank you, Lisa – really great take on this…and the idea here is to let it all hang out and see what happens…and let the man…Jason included…hold his own. Love, Rori

  262.  #262ms on July 1, 2009 at 9:06 pm

    Today I put my foot down and said to the man that always wants to see her when she has school or something else other than him. I said polightly, You’ll just have to find a different time to see my daughter .Her education is important to me, and comes first and you shouldn’t want to take it away from her. I have been told its not a good idea to intervine but she is just to young and I have to look out for her. She comes first. I have not addressed the problem of what to do with the fact that someone may have pretended to be my friend to get to my daughter, or not sure what to do now. afraid he will work harder to pit her against me after what I said.Hopefully it will do some good if he just does not realize what he is taking away from her.

  263.  #263Robin on July 1, 2009 at 9:24 pm

    This is such perfect timing-Im now starting to understand the rockstar concept, and I feel great that this is exactly what Ive been doing, I just didn’t know that I was doing…

    but I feel a little weird…as new things become clear and as my inner goddess voice gets louder and louder (shes actually radiating through me now and people can see her on the outside, people are starting to feel our power yay)

    Well I went out of town, arranged for a sub at the church where I sing, and my ex tells me he doesnt want my sub to come and that he had someone else and to call my sub and cancel..I prayed about it, bc I was on the brink of telling him to call the sub himself and do the dirty work..

    Something didnt feel right about it though, so after prayer and some serious feeling sinking, I called the sub and told him the church had a sub to cover me when Im not available (very sweet) thing I hear the sub cant come, they need my sub, blah blah blah, I said I feel irritated with this, I dont want to get in the middle of this… My ex then sends me messages (on my vacation) that in the future I need to find my own sub, its not his responsibility…

    And, oh was Myra (one of my goddesses) PISSED, so I responded, and I feel so powerful in my response, even thought I may not have exactly stuck to the 4 rules…heres what I said:
    ‘please remember I didnt ask you to find a sub 4 me. I DID find my own and I was told my choice was unsatisfactory. In the future I will continue to do what I tried to do this weekend.’

    OK, I feel bad now that I typed it, no feeling messages in it, and yet, I feel so powerful & peaceful and smiley & I feel like I took care of myself…..

  264.  #264Robin on July 1, 2009 at 9:37 pm

    Ok 1 more thing,
    the guy who lives 5hrs away offered to come see my this weekend for the 4th. I felt elated, told him that would feel so great…

    So 1 problem, he says ‘you would need to be my host for the weekend, my motel 6, my hilton, b/c my uncle is outa town and I cant stay there.

    & Im like ‘ohh, I dont know…’ He mentioned something about seeing about staying w/ someone else, and Im like yeah, that would feel better to me..’

    But then he says well think about it, let me know…

    So this felt super scary, I told him It would feel great to see you but I know I wont feel comfortable w that particular arrangement. Do you have any other ideas?

    And he said, ‘No I don’t. Its very simple, its not science, either you want me to come or you dont…’

    So I told him “I do want to see you, that would feel fantastic, but I just dont feel ready for that arrangement…’

    The convo ended shortly after that, he was like, well if you ever want to come visit me, youre more than welcome, bye, call me later if you want to…’

    wow, ok, so am I being too HARD??

    Goddesses, this doesnt feel too harsh for me to request, does it??

    But Ive heard nothing of guys staying at OUR house, only that we should not stay at HIS….

    What do you ladies think??

    I feel pretty peaceful, which feels a little weird, like ok if he takes himself outa my rotation, hes entitled, he can do that, omgosh I feel weird, I dunno..

    I dont feel like I made the wrong choice (and if I did, my goddess & I are proud of everything we do…)

  265.  #265Tracy on July 1, 2009 at 10:52 pm

    For me u did great because you were true to your feelings which is always so important…To always be honest and say what we feel truly deep inside without fear is a great thing…..i feel proud of you……
    I have been reading this book about our subconcious mind and i realised that for me to attract beautiful and wonderful situations in my life it boils downs to how my thoughts are framed around my own life….I feel that this resonates alot around circular dating where i can focus less on one guy and be open to so many possibilities and the optism around meeting and attracting all these guyz actually leads to the mr right…
    As i was thinking about this today i realised that i have so many thoughts/wishes/regrets about my ex that keep popping in my head….i make up all this stories of how we will be disagreeing/how i will explain my uncertainity and confusion and how the whole story continues to be so complicated……and in reality eventually that is what happens…..there is so much uncertainity and confusion around our relation…..
    I feel that now i can change that……by starting with my thoughts and visualisation where i can visualise a good and peaceful interation with him where were both happy and content with our lives and i am committed to amn who adores and care about me….i feel much better when i visualize a more loving and enjoyable relationship and peace of mind always knowing that everything is okay….

  266.  #266Tara on July 5, 2009 at 9:30 am

    I either date guys I am interested in and THEY aren’t..Or the ones who are interested , I am not interested in THEM! Then, there are some who have red flags, or something..or else they have no job, they don’t pay for dinner, etc.
    I give everyone a chance. If I am not attracted to a guy, I won’t date him…
    Can I have some dating advice?

  267.  #267Kathy on July 14, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    I have a question I would like to post for Rori to review. How do I do that? Thanks.

  268.  #268Rori Raye on July 16, 2009 at 11:06 am

    Hi, Kathy, Just go ahead and ask – I’ll look for it…Rori

  269.  #269Linda G on July 23, 2009 at 4:09 am

    Months ago there was an entry that was direted to me and a guy who said “no” . You girls were so kind to confer with me about how to respond, etc.
    Here is the update:
    He did get in tough several weeks later. I felt bored with all these romantic emails that never went anywhere so i sent him my number; “it would feel so good to hear your voice” He never called, writing he was depressed over the memory of his father’s death, it was his birthday,,,
    so I let it, and him, go.
    Just a week ago he gets in tough saying this time he is definitely going to come for real. He offers me two dates to pick from (he is driving to NY from DC)
    I choose one (tomorrow). He tells me how wonderful blah blah blah. After an exchange or two of the same flrtatious emails we have been doing for months, I respond with an email ; “reality check; I feel uneasy closing off my other options and blocking out time for the weekend until you are certain about the specifics of what you want to do.”
    I never heard from him, it’s been three days and he was supposed to come tomorrow.
    In my heart, I felt I did not want to fall into being disappointed again. even though I had my hair done and got a pedicure (which I do every month anyway). Did I make it not happen or is this just his M.O.?

  270.  #270Linda G on July 23, 2009 at 4:33 am

    PS But in reality I am mad at myself because I did turn down a couple of dates with good guys because of his promise to come up and see me, one who I like who was supposed to call this past Monday to see when we could go out and he didn’t. I answered him kind of wishy washy when he asked me out because I didn’t know what to say for some reason.
    It was the lure of possible romance that got me again, one of my core needs, but I am seeing, is not enough and is sometimes faked.

  271.  #271Cassandra on August 6, 2009 at 1:18 pm

    need to read more above but in reading came across some posts that fetl really icky to me…I felt like a confrontation was going on and I don’t feel strong enough right now to handle that even though I am not part of it. I feel thankful for Rori’s post and I feel thankful in that it appears when we are truly in need of something…whether it be direction, confirmation, guidance, etc… ALWAYS appears. I feel thankful for that and part of me feels excited about doing ME and not worrying what will happen on the weekend or when C is home or if I say something that will trigger his abuse and/ or nastiness. I feel as though a new found freedom is right around the corner and I feel good about that. I feel afraid of it though too in an odd sort of way. I don’t want closure with this situation. I want to go to sleep and when I wake up I am in MY new place and all of the nastiness, abuse, threats etc. are a thing of the past. I feel afraid of going from A to B to get there because it hurts. I went to look at another apartment today and 2 little boys were outside of the office. I asked them if they liked living there and what they liked about it. One of them said ‘the parties’. I turned around, got back in my car and left. I felt too overwhelmed to think about all of that. I need peace. I need quiet unless I want to make noise and even if I do make noise it would never be loud enough to disturb anyone else. I want to feel secure again and good about ME with NO nasty comments from his peanut gallery.

  272.  #272Cassandra on September 13, 2009 at 11:27 am

    I came back to read this post again and felt lighter after reading it. Rori….I love what you said….’Once a man has outlived his usefulness in his concrete, human form – once his presence makes you go backwards and into your head and out of your body and feeling not good about yourself – you don’t want him around. Period. You’re done. He’s history.’ I have been trying so hard to find som sort of closure with my whole situation because I do still love parts of Charles but I also know that he is simply put…not good for me in any way shape or form.

    Last night and don’t ask my whiy it was last night after all that has transpired in this last year and half plus some….I can’t tell you that but last night we had gone to a festival and he was so downright nasty,ugly and abusive that it hit me like someone had literally punched me in the stomach. I was shaking like a leaf and could not even hold on to my soda bottle and I felt like I was going to literally throw up right there in the middle of that crowd. It hit me that ‘this feels horrible’….’this feels awful and sickening in a literal way’ and it finally hit me that while I do still love him in some ways….I don’t even like him as a person anymore….not a friend….not a lover….not an acquaintance…..not anything at all…not even as a ffellow human being. I am not capable of treating anyone – not even someone that I truly dislike – although I can’t think of anyone that I truly dislike other than him at this moment in time – but I am simply not capable of treating anyone the way that he has treated me…nor would I want to if I could. I realized that I don’t like him. period. I don’t want to be around him. I don’t want to do stuff with him like go to festivals or just hang out. I don’t want him around me…period. It feel good to know that and to feel it and to acknowledge it. It feels freeing and I feel lighter even writing this post. I feel hopeful and I feel stronger now.

    He came home from church this morning and caught me off guard as he said that he would not be home until much much later. O was ont he phone with a girlfriend and after he ‘bashed me’ for atlking to her about what we were talking about – he then proceeded to tell me that he came home to apologize for his behavior these past few days and especially for how he treated me last night. ast weekend we had had a long conversation where I really thought that we had connected and he told me that our friendship was very important to him and that he does not want to lose ME in his life and that he is going to SHOW me with his actions that it is important to him. I had told him that his words now mean nothing to me so he would have to show me with his actions. Instead, he has shown me what a truly vile human being he really is and all of that hit me last night. Even this morning he was nasty and cruel all before going to church of course to warm a seat and make a show of his ‘goodness’. WHATEVER. I had had a great morning. I had breakfast with a girlfriend and then had a great workout and came home and was talking on the phone with another friend when he proceeded to bash me for talking to her about the situation. The of course he proceeds to apologize for his behavior of the last week and last night? too little …..too late and means nothing to me now. his words are empty and he has shown that with his actions. I only regret that it took me so so long to see it for what it is. He went to church this morning….felt convicted…came home and apologized and I promise you that it will be all of maybe 6 hours before then next verbal and/ emotional abuse begins again. I cannot wait to get away from him and this place and be in peace. I don’t want to see him again. I don’t want to hear from him again and if honestly thinks that we are friends….he is nuts. I don’t need friends in my life that treat me like crap. It feels freeing to put this in writing where it becomes more real. it feels empowering and I feel stronger knowing that I am done and don’t want to be bothered with HIM anymore.

  273.  #273Vana on September 24, 2009 at 2:04 am

    I came to your blog with tears in my eyes and that suffocating pain that makes me feel like something is caught in my throat. Google brought me here when i searched for “how to get over someone you’re addicted to”

    and you were the first site that wasn’t about lyrics.

    I’m 20 years old and I’ve spent the last 4 years of my very young and not yet formed life suffering for a man who treated me less than i deserved, made me feel as though i was worthless and many times had me dangling on a string.

    i tried sex and drugs to block it out. I tried to move on any way i could think of. I still talk to this man. we are “friends”. I think that the problem now is all me, and how i’m still attached and how i’m stupid enough to still care about this person, after so much bs. I’ve hated myself so much for feeling that way, and have tried to suppress that attachment and feelings of adoration every single time. and each time i fail to do so, i hate myself more.

    This post has left me in tears. Some of joy. Because you’re right.

    I needed someone to say this to me. I’m very glad I found your words tonight.

    Thank you, so much.

  274.  #274Virginia on September 24, 2009 at 9:22 am

    Your material has been very helpful , and I am very gratful , I am unable to I have Siren and Reconnect. They both have been very helpful. I have been “best friends” with a man that was deeply in love with me and me with him 3 years ago .He backed out because I was leaning to forward and needy. He loves me but is not attracted to me anymore because i am over nurturering and over doing everything. After hearing your programs i back off leaned back expressed my feelings and he freaked out and asked me to marry him 🙂 … Well now I am right back where we started? I been waiting for him to make a move towards me and has not? it has been two weeks he calls me everyday and asks me over but has not touched me? I am feeling alittle afraid to confront him about it, he starting to say that i am whining?
    What do you think?
    Thanks Virginia

  275.  #275Rori Raye on September 24, 2009 at 9:38 am

    Virginia, Welcome…and the solution for you is to Circular Date…keep reading here, get the ebook if you can, and let us know how it goes…Love, Rori

  276.  #276Rori Raye on September 24, 2009 at 10:50 am

    Vana, Welcome — and, first, I want to say that your writing is gorgeous. Please keep trying it out here…I think you may find…several of the women have here…discover that you have a poetic voice for expressing yourself that can help others. Next…Addiction and suffering is nearly always the result of conditioning and that conditioning is the result of trauma. I would consider checking out CODA in your area — addiction is addiction, and the AA style is just tremendous. The Riffing Tool here – in Power & Self Esteem category will help you get started in undoing the trauma pattern. If you can work with this now…the rest of your life will be a beautiful, unfolding rose. Please read around here, get my ebook at least if you can, and keep posting. We’ll all help you. Love, Rori

  277.  #277Linda on December 23, 2009 at 12:28 pm

    I did not believe that what you are telling people is true until I did exactly that. It does take time. It does take getting out and doing something other than concentrating on him. Not necessarily on me. But meeting other people and listening to what they have to say about their experiences really helps a lot. A male acquaintance told me to go to the bar every day and just watch the people interact. Boy, they were an eye opener. I learned a lot. Just watching people helps. I also became part of some of it. I met a male friend this way. Actually a couple of them. And female ones too.

  278.  #278Rori Raye on December 27, 2009 at 6:40 pm

    Linda – what a great comment and great advice – thank you! Love, Rori

  279.  #279Diana on February 11, 2010 at 8:53 am

    Hi everyone…I was just writing some random thoughts down and I stumbled upon an image that really made sense to me, as I am circular dating and trying to resist getting to caught up in subconsciously creating a need for a future with one of these guys.

    If you’ve ever ridden horses or even a bicycle on a road, you know that you notice all the little details that you were always missing in the car, when you’re going too fast and having to look so far ahead.

    On a horse, you’re moving slowly. You let your body relax and move with the motion of the horse’s steps, and you have time to look down and appreciate the place where you are right then…and you can see the grass peeking out from cracks in the pavement, or the different colored rocks, the puddles, maybe even trash. Things that would barely even register if you were driving a fast car. And the horse will keep walking even if you aren’t steering or looking miles ahead. You can trust the horse to take care of you because he wants to take care of himself and you are part of him in that moment.

    I always loved Rori’s image of riding your horse…I’ve been riding for 20 years and there are sooo many lessons to be found not just in that one image but in a lot of the body language and psychology we use to interact more harmoniously with animals.

    Just thought I’d share!

  280.  #280Nita on June 10, 2010 at 11:51 am

    Diana that was so lovely thanks for that idea…its moving slowly and taking in the experience like on a horse:) Rori says that when we move slow breathe and take in an experience, we are more connected to the moment and it naturally makes us more sensual….
    Rori, I just want to let you know that I was reading your article and about closure and i feel so good! You do far more than give relationship advice, its more than just dating and relationships, your tools and advice are spiritual healing in my opinion and I feel so greatful to know about you and your work. I dont have too much dating experience, but I do have some fear of starting…yet, my dating experiences this year are such a learning experience for me thank you sooo much. the closure article in particular hits home because of a friend ive had and some confusion along the way for the past couple of years, ive felt the pressure for closure but now i feel relaxed to know that this option of not is valid, i will continue to heal do what feels good and stay on my horse! i imagine it a white stallion with blue manes! and fresh water around us:) its my fantasy image!

  281.  #281Jen on August 13, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    This is so beautiful, Rori. Thank you!!

  282.  #282Gina on January 11, 2011 at 1:17 am

    Rori, once again you hit the mark!
    For so long my rituals have been about letting this man go from my mind. The more i fight this feeling, the more i think about him, the more i hate myself for doing that, the more i get depressed for hating myself for thinking about him – it’s never ending!
    i feel truly passionate about the things i do in my life and although this man keeps flooding me with memories of him, I will know that it’s just that – memories. They dont get a hold on me nor they direct me to the true purpose of my life. Im not sure if i’ll ever be back with this man. Just being with him i make myself feel rotten but i know that, by going through this, i can learn to re-focus on what i really want in my life and what makes me happy

  283.  #283Dianna on May 24, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    wow, I think that was exactly what i needed. instead of asking how to forget him, for closure, how to deal. i should have just kept reading. Thank you so much. I don’t have to ignore him, I don’t have to keep waiting for my heart to mend. I don’t have to feel like the trash he threw away. Because I am the treasure he lost. and Every young, good looking man that has asked me out that makes me feel young and pretty and special I can go and not feel guilty. He may not see the treasure but they can. Maybe, I can find the relationship I have been looking for, instead of staying in morning for a man thats not dead just gone. Thank you so much. I think i have found my way to deal. Now I know it is ok to flirt with him like I did when we were young. I can feel happy about my self and enjoy the special treatment from the other men in my life and let go of the toxic man in my life. Its all about me being happy. Thank you.

  284.  #284Senior Lady Vibe on June 19, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    OK, this is from the “no closure, stay on your horse” post. I used to read it a lot. Not so much anymore. A little retrace is good sometimes…

    I really like this part.

    “…REFOCUS your mind, body and heart around something NEW – something that FEELS GOOD – something that’s MEANINGFUL to you – it will overpower the energy you’re showering on this undeserving man.

    So instead of rituals and symbolic acts to LET GO of him (because then it’s STILL all about HIM…) what we need here is rituals and symbolic acts to hang onto, hold onto, embrace, worship and adore OURSELVES…”

    ~ Rori Raye

    This sounds so… “summer solstice-y.” Maybe I was a Druid in another life… or not…


  285.  #285Senior Lady Vibe on June 19, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    On this most recent reading, I’m paying close attention to the “undeserving” description…

    So true, so true…


  286.  #286Korina on August 28, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    What wonderful, eloquently stated guidance this is, Rori! I just love it. It really is all about energy, and it has to always be about YOU. I teach this in my work (I’m an intuitive counselor) and it’s so easy for me to see this for others, yet sometimes a little harder to apply it for myself. I just recently (2 weeks ago) broke up with a man that I thought was going to be my husband, but it turned out that he just can’t seem to get to “100%” with me — he says he is at 99% but doesn’t know what the 1% holding him back is. We do sometimes work together, so I am practicing remaining centered in my own energy, knowing and keeping my boundaries, and rather than “trying to let him go”, I’m just focusing on all the other things in my life that I want to do. Yes, I feel the sad feelings, but I’m really looking deeper and asking myself what I need to do to take care of myself…and I’m not allowing my life to get derailed by this as I have in the past, with other breakups. It’s my life, my path, and I’m staying on it. 🙂

  287.  #287Friend on September 20, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    My therapist just told me to consider / think about emailing the guy I was in a long distance relationship with and haven’t heard from in 8 weeks (I did not try to contact him) and tell him something along the lines of
    “Dear x, I hope this finds you well. I haven’t heard from you in 8 weeks, I feel clarity and have concluded that the relationship we had, in the shape and form it took, is over. I wish you all the best. I do not expect you to reply”
    The truth is, I don’t feel good about emailing him but I am not sure if this is immature on my part. Would it be more adult to draw a line and stop any residual hope? I am moving on with my life step by step. Is no closure a way of having him still have control? Please help!

  288.  #288Amani on January 3, 2012 at 11:50 pm

    This makes perfect sense to me! I needed to read those words! Thank you!

  289.  #289Peggy Turner on January 7, 2012 at 6:48 am

    Thank you for this blog. I have been recently going through this with someone and feel he is hanging on to me and after reading this it hit home to all that I was feeling and going through. I am thankful for the words that you wrote. You don’t know how much this helped me to see this is exactly what I am going through right now and I just realized that I must get on my horse and ride on without him. Thank you.

  290.  #290Vivienne on April 7, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    This was helpful and it felt right to hear that I don’t need to strive for closure. I guess I thought that’s what we’re supposed to do; but I know I’m not ready for closure and I should stop fighting it, or fighting for it. I needed to hear that it’s about me from here forward, and I am looking forward to the process of letting go. I’m new, just signed up, and I believe this will help me. Thank you!

  291.  #291MS2965 on August 9, 2012 at 4:38 am

    Dear Rori
    I have found this post really helpful in my situation, in many ways I can see closure achieves nothing and I love the powerful vision of riding on but I am fighting my feelings to move on without having the conversation. I’ve used feeling messages to communicate what I want and need, but that was after a month of no contact. At first I interpreted his response to my feeling messages as only having feelings of friendship, so I said I wasn’t looking for a friend and this would be the last time we met. He was visibly shocked and started saying how he did want a relationship with me, he felt love and affection for me and he couldn’t imagine not having me in his life. He said he was afraid of hurting me. He wanted to talk again in a few days. It has been 10 days of nothing being arranged, no phone calls and I am not planning on calling him. I know in other relationships he’s had he has ended it because he says he felt he was munipulated in those relationships, but he feels I have never been like that and I’ve always been so open with him. I suspect he is scared of commitment and actually with some of the other issues going on in his life to do with changing careers and his home finances I don’t think he loves himself as he is annoyed with some of the decisions he has made. I think he is not feeling he deserves love. Perhaps he also feels that I have done a good job of planning my own life such that I have a lot of freedom and choices, but maybe I haven’t said strongly enough that I see him taking risks to follow a new career which is his passion as something to be proud of, irrespective if it has not yet achieved the success levels he wanted as quickly as he anticipated. Regardless of all this, I know I deserve to be loved and my needs are important, so I am just leaning back to see what he does – actions will speak much louder than words. Although I know all this, I feel we’ve had such a deep connection and we mean a lot to each other. We also live in the same area and going to some of our favourite haunts with other people always reminds me of him. I guess I’m looking for a bit of strength and guidance, because I care about him so much and I know he cares about me. How does one break away in these circumstances, where the guy is sensitive, where reminders are all around and there is nothing said about the relationship? Maybe he is the only guy I have ever felt so deeply about and who has cared for me so much – it’s hard to let it go even though the reason we are in this situation is because he has been holding back what is the real issue for him. There is definitely no one else involved. I would really appreciate any suggestions / guidance.

  292.  #292Suene on October 11, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    I miss him, but after 10 years he is not the man I fell for. I don’t think he wants me to go away, but I really don’t know. I wrote him a feeling letter, told him what I want and left it alone. Last Saturday night I got all kinds of texts like he was worried I was with someone else.

    2 months ago I caught him lying to me (and because he’s in his 40’s, unless he took viagra it wasn’t long), butI know he was with someone else, and he won’t admit it. I am trying to leave him alone, but I keep getting pulled back into the thoughts. I miss my best friend and I really want my man back, but because I was always the one over-functioning it’s like I don’t know if he will ever do what I want.

    I have a guy interested, but he is a smoker and could be my type if he had a little more class, but he doesn’t. I don’t want to date anyone who has less than me, and most men around here do……. I tried online dating, but that can get expensive! Pleas help! It would be nice from Rori……

  293.  #293Rori Raye on October 11, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    Suene – OKCupid is free for online dating. Use it. Love, Rori

  294.  #294Alex on March 26, 2013 at 7:58 pm

    Just wanted to chime and say I loved this post. It feels so good 🙂