Don’t Let Your Feelings Of Attraction Lead You To Another Mr. Wrong

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Here’s a great question from Ellen:

” Rori, I did have fun with this guy I Circular Dated on Thursday…I don’t think the guy is my cup of tea in the long run but I was relaxed and practiced the tools and he wants to see me again – though I am not sure whether I should as I am not really attracted to him, though he seems to be nice. Ellen”

My Answer:

Ellen – Please don’t think too much about how “attracted” you feel to a man.

If you can kiss him at all – that’s good enough for now.

Your attractions have been leading you in the wrong directions.

For now – just be open to a “friend” – a man who’s nice, and who loves you and likes you and wants to be good to you and make you happy.

Then, as you get used to that feeling – you can allow yourself to slowly love him and feel more and more attracted to him.

What limits an attraction to a good man who wants you is only fear of intimacy.

Truthfully, you can turn on your attraction for a man whenever you want – even it doesn’t feel “chemical” right now.

If, after 6 dates or so (or more) you still can’t see yourself making love with him – then you’ll have to let him go out your Circular Dating revolvingย  door (tell him you’re no longer available).

Guilt over letting a man go after you’ve dated him is simply not a reasonable thing, here.

Imagine this: You haven’t asked him to spend money on you (that’s all up to him), you haven’t lied to him about your feelings (you’ve been truthfully Feeling Messaging all along), you’re amazing and he’s had the blessing of being in your company for these dates – AND – he’s LEARNED as much from being with you and having this experience as you’ve learned from him.

A win-win.

It doesn’t matter how you see it, or how he sees it – you’re both seeing it through the lens of your life experience, which just isn’t telling you the truth.

The truth is – it’s a win-win. No matter what.

Just keep doing this until you start to feel more comfortable with the process.

Love, Rori

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802 Comments

  1.  #1Olympia on December 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    first? ๐Ÿ™‚



  2.  #2Olympia on December 13, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    I feel so glad to have watched “Happy Thank You More Please” because the line where the character says “it’s like the molecules in his face rearranged themselves” once she fell in love with him, he became attractive to her. That really resonates with me.

    I was friends with my boyfriend for a long time while I was tangled up in the chemistry with a very attractive but toxic man. I was never attracted to LLcd during that time, but once he started to show that he was interested in me, and I felt the warmth that came from all of the thoughtful things he did for me, my attraction to him and the chemistry just blossomed!

    It is difficult to date someone more than a few times and then let him go though. For instance, I circular dated someone where my feeling messages were all really positive at first, I liked him a lot as a person, but then I started to back up because I was feeling very turned off by a lot of the things he was saying and told him I wanted to slow things down and wasn’t interested in being more than friends, he totally disregarded that I had said those things or the space I was putting between us, and got very angry when he learned that I was dating someone else and would not date him (we hadn’t actually been on a date, just talked on the phone). It made me feel like the guy because he was in an imaginary relationship with me! Lesson learned — trying to be friends with someone who wants more just doesn’t work!



  3.  #3Sirenity on December 13, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    I agree whole heartedly with this post and bout the rearranged molecules.

    I have been watching Love Scripts , (thanks to FW for posting the link to Roris holiday special-

    I was feeling shut down and I have made a bi realisation that I was using some of the “Siren Police” extreme interpretations as an EXCUSE to shut down , eg , he didnt call early enough, or he didnt call only texted etc. I find Rori frequently being very accepting of men’s imperfections and suggesting remaining flexible unless it is an important boundary.

    This has already helped me a lot with two contacts in the last 24 hours. One guy had irritated me several weeks ago when he asked for my number , was all keeness and vigor by email , then lamely texted a couple of times about calling me , but didnt call.
    He just texted again so i said it would feel good to hear his voice this evening.

    Hmmm..

    So Rori is against a lot of rules and tries to minimise them as much as possible. This feels Good to me .

    I was particularly impressed with the FM’s right upon meeting a guy , especially how they softened the women who were shutting men down on approach.
    Well done Rori!



  4.  #4Smile on December 13, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Wow rori this article is just what I needed to read!



  5.  #5GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    Lol this exactly what someone just posted about at end of last thread, woo hoo!



  6.  #6Smile on December 13, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    Hm, I wonder what to say when a guy says he is feeling new to the dating game?



  7.  #7GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    #2 Olympia โ€œitโ€™s like the molecules in his face rearranged themselvesโ€

    I so get that. I’m that way too.



  8.  #8GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    $6 Smile (lol my funny typo)

    I’d say “I hope you have fun and that you seldom feel stressed!”

    Wonder what would other Sirens say to this?



  9.  #9Smile on December 13, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Ginger sky @5 that was me. I feel like the universe was at work for me in this subject lol!



  10.  #10Smile on December 13, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Gingersky @6
    He’s just agreed that he will be driving 2 hours if he wants to see me as I don’t want to drive. So I would feel giggly at writing hope you seldom feel stressed, I associate driving with stress especially 2 hours!



  11.  #11GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Or I would just say a big cheery very warm “Welcome!” ๐Ÿ™‚



  12.  #12GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    #10 Smile (or should I say “$10 Smile” he he… your value will rise steadily with me as we move through this thread lol)

    Sweet! Hope you seldom feel stressed too! ๐Ÿ˜‰



  13.  #13Smile on December 13, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    That feels welcoming gingersky, I like that.

    Also it reminds me that it’s dating, not yet a relationship!



  14.  #14GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    $9 Smile (oops! your value went down… must be a temporary fluctuation on the SSVI (Siren Smile Value Indicator, undoubtedly one of those natural dips that happens just before a big rise occurs in the values! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Yeah, Rori read your mind or you read hers lol! Hoot!



  15.  #15Luzydel on December 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    I have done this a few times during my Cding and I think it is a disaster; If I don’t “feel it” in the first date I rather leave it alone. I have to feel a connection or I don’t think I can continue seeing the guy.



  16.  #16Tam on December 13, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Smile, Austrian, not Australian..he probably had too much Strudel…hehe.
    Yes, I totally agree with the attraction thing…I feel almost relieved not to be attracted to my CD’s, well I only have 1 1/2 left…and neither of them are in any way attractive to me other than maybe for their personalities.
    So that’s great. It’s also great that another one turned up just in the nick of time because I don’t want to just be dating one and get caught up in that….
    Phew.



  17.  #17GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Wow, Rori, *really* valuable post for me… is untangling all kind of things in me and leftover pieces of misperception and inaccurate thinking hiding out in my psyche from the BRT years (Before Rori’s Tools). Aaah. Feels so good.



  18.  #18Tam on December 13, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Could I kiss Curly? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm….that’s a tough one. Maybe. Perhaps.
    The chubby Austrian…maybe. Yeah. He is remotely my age so that could work.
    It is difficult kissing someone when you are really not attracted to them. A couple of times I actually couldn’t do it and I reason that the genes must have been so repulsed by each other that it was not possible….
    Curly is older than my Dad and that is a huge trigger for me. I once tried to kiss a man with a moustache who had a faint resemblance to my father and I literally freaked and jumped out of the car. haha.



  19.  #19GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Esp the parts about stopping dating a guy, how he choses to take us out, and “just be open to a friend”.



  20.  #20GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Yeah, Luzydel, she said “if you can kiss him at all”, and I believe and experience that this is a very crucial point… there must at least be that minimum sense of connection and comfort first…?

    …hmmmm… food for thoughts



  21.  #21Tam on December 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    yes, the ‘just be open to a friend’ has worked for me. It really has. As soon as I stopped seeing it all as dating to get some kind of result, life has become so much easier in that respect. A breeze.



  22.  #22Radiant Rising on December 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Hello everyone, decided to pop in today.

    This is interesting, but with all due respect to Rori I frankly don’t agree with this article. I do agree in giving someone a chance at first and seeing if attraction can grow (I don’t particularly agree it has to be six dates), but that part is about it. We might as well just be in an arranged marriage then if we can just “turn it on” with whoever. This is exactly how a lot of people who advocate for arranged marriage.

    The way I see it, attraction has a lot of factors. It is not merely just about our “baggage”. There are primitive things going on as well. Bascially attraction is stirred when our deepest core becomes awakened and in that regard I do agree it is a skill which you can apply in a relationship, but for me it only works when I am already feeling it for someone. Doesn’t happen if I’m not and I thank goodness for that. Because if it were this flipant then we would turn it on wih out male relatives. I actually feel irritated by this concept and post (I guess I’m triggered). Sorry, just don’t agree with Rori (respectfully) on this one. Have a lovely day.



  23.  #23GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Yes, Tam, I agree and experience that genes and pheremones play a HUGE part in all this for sure. They must all be indicators of “matchingness” in people.

    I have also been frustrated by multiple times feeling like I *wanted* to kiss a guy, then when we do, it falls FLAAAT, like kissing my brother or something else that feels unacceptable. I have to move SLOOOWLY and check in with myself a lot BEFORE it ever gets to a kiss… to avoid this moment which feels bad for both of us (I can barely hide my reactions, you can read everything on my face most of the time).



  24.  #24GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    But I have learned how to do this well it seems… I am not overeager for kisses anymore, and feel it is a big special step now. That works for me. I’ve had interesting, sweet, poignant, memorable, endearing, tension-building and amazing experiences around my unwillingness to let kisses be cheap and easy and to make us wait for it. I like what this does. A lot. It works for me well.



  25.  #25Tam on December 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Gingersky, I am the same, my face speaks its own language..hahaha…I was acutely aware of that when Curly said he was 60.
    10 minutes later he said ‘I am too old for you’, and I was saying ‘but I never mentioned anything’…it seems I didn’t have to, the look of horror on my face must have given it away….oh dear. ๐Ÿ˜‰



  26.  #26Smile on December 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Gingersky @14
    I found myself willing sirens to post, to increase the value on the SSVI lol!



  27.  #27Smile on December 13, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    So this was his reply to “a warm welcome to the dating game response…”

    Him: It feels very strange from being in such full on relationships to the dating world after being out of it for so long, i know you have too. I just don’t want to be too full on with you, but id say your worth the drive to (my city) ๐Ÿ™‚ x



  28.  #28Tam on December 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    Another strange thing has happened. Curly was always telling me how he thinks his friend is an idiot not to pursue me (that is my male friend in whom I have no interest whatsoever, and I told Curly that we were just friends). Now, Last night those two met as they usually do, as we all usually do at this place where they go for their boys night.
    And today…my friend…starts pursuing me. He was sending me messages if I want to come out with him tonight and bla bla. It feels weird because for sure they talked about me….Urgh.
    Well,whatever..let the competition heat up…but this guy is really just a friend of mine, feels kind of weird that Curly goes on and on about him….hm.



  29.  #29Smile on December 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Tam, I love how your CDs are just showing up for you!!!
    Ah Austrian, I tried to do a comparison of accents then and failed miserably lol.
    I love how comfortable you are with having a few CDs now. I’m getting there.



  30.  #30Tam on December 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    I feel uneasy about being talked about and my friend suddenly chasing me, it’s too much of a coincidence. Eeek.
    Ah, whatever.
    I choose to see it as a compliment.



  31.  #31Tam on December 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Smile, I don’t really..they just turned up out of the blue or out of old times…mostly they fell away..and no more internet dating at all.
    Have to say my life is better for it.



  32.  #32Smile on December 13, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    I have always felt instant attraction for guys I’ve dated and ended up in long term relationships.
    This is a new experience for me not being instantly attracted so I was going to leave well alone until I saw the post from orna On the last thread about how it can grow. I don’t feel attracted to 2nd but I do feel a connection.

    I wonder if attraction and connections are the same thing.



  33.  #33Luzydel on December 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    CDing during winter is so bad for me’ all I want to do is cuddle and watch tv… summer is my cd time!



  34.  #34GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Tam, guys are like that. I feel sure they can FEEL us dating someone else. I’ve had guys who dropped off for ages show back up only after I was dating someone else and there’s no way they could know it. And I’ve seen Sirens post about the same experience repeatedly. I doubt MrP talked about you to Curly, this is just how Mars instincts operate in a guy LOL!

    Your value just went up bc of Mr Curly and you not chasing after MrP! He he. I love it!!!

    $26 Smile, that is so sweet! I love what he said. Not wanting to go too fast, not taking you for granted or as a quickie chickie… not acting like a superficial in and out guy himself, feels like respect and sweetness in every direction!

    Your value is rising steadily! Two hours seems pretty high on the SSVI! ๐Ÿ˜€

    In a moment my pic will change to Dancing Ginger… but not me… I’m crazy about weird vegetables… I am such a nerdball and I LOVE ME!



  35.  #35ruth on December 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    I think kissing can be more intimate than actual sex
    But maybe that is just me



  36.  #36Mercedes on December 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    My favorite line in the entire response: “Your attractions have been leading you in the wrong directions.”

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  37.  #37GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Ruth…I know what you mean about kissing. Oh yes. It is not always, but yes, for sure.



  38.  #38ruth on December 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    thank you Stixy
    I feel heard



  39.  #39GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    I had CRAZY palpable physical chemistry with a long ago CD. When we kissed…The entire world could drop away and it sent my head spinning like no sex ever has. We both agreed, it was akin to a total merge. Body, mind, soul.

    He was so NOT the right man for me though.



  40.  #40Luzydel on December 13, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    I am taking an astrology course; and it says who is a best match based on Moon/son conjunctions.

    E.g. if your moon is in Gemini; then a Gemini with a moon in your sun sign is a partner to marry.

    interesting also I am learning about solar progressions.

    Mine is quite interesting for my next birthday; it says a lot about Love and a lot of positive aspects in my 7th house ๐Ÿ™‚



  41.  #41GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    Ruth

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    In addition to this thought/feeling I know for sure that kissing adds to the intimacy of sex. Something about joining at the mouth. Just feeling that. It brings me that happy warm fuzzy feeling in my neck and chest ๐Ÿ™‚

    .



  42.  #42GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    I’m so into this right now lol i’m in process for allowing my emotions to flow openly during highly sensational sex.

    So far I have not cried! phewf lol If I do, i’ll just have to let it happen. I visualize that he would take my face inhis hands and kiss my tears away



  43.  #43GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Woah.

    I just had a memory. Why has this not come to me yet. Holy moly.

    Sigh.

    I cried a few times during sex when I was falling in love with my first love and ex-husband. I was new to love and highly emotional yet didn’t know how to vocalize my feelings. After those few times we had what I can only call an intimacy “dry spell”. When I finally brought it up I got these frustrated words “What do you expect when sec with me makes you cry?”

    Okokok

    Too green. Both of us. Forgiveness to us.



  44.  #44ruth on December 13, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    yes indeed stixy
    In my long life there are not many men I have wanted to kiss



  45.  #45GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    At that time I was sexually very experienced. I just had not fallen in love with any of the men I had dated or slept with. The emotion had begun to overwhelm me and the physiological response was tears. I felt such hatred for tears then as well. Which he had to have picked up on. I couldn’t handle a person looking at me so vulnerable.

    Compassion to a wayward feeling teenaged girl.



  46.  #46GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    (((ruth)))

    and thank you for this. <3



  47.  #47GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    off to work! Love to all xxx



  48.  #48ruth on December 13, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    I have only cried with three men during sex
    Only one has ever loved it



  49.  #49Tam on December 13, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Gingersky, Curly does not know MrP, well he might professionally but I doubt it.
    We have a common friend, who introduced me to Curly…I sometimes go with this guy to things, like once every 2 months. He once dated a friend on mine and there is NO attraction and he is hard work also, so chance of dating, he is just a friend.
    Curly, when we first men, thought I was dating this guy so he hovered but never said anything. Then as I left to go home, he was saying he is surprised this other guy (let;s call him NoCD) wasn’t taking me home. So I said: ah no, he is JUST a friend.
    But ever since then he says ‘I don’t understand why NoCD isn’t pursuing you..I don’t get it…what is wrong with him..bla bla bla.
    So I continually say ‘we are just friends’.
    Thing is, those two are like best buddies..and they saw each other last night and for sure (men are gossips too), they talked about me.
    Lo and behold, today NoCD is chasing me like no tomorrow and Curly is quiet.
    I feel weird about this, like it is possibly not a coincidence…hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….
    Anyway, the more the merrier…but I really enjoy Curly’s company 100 times more than NoCD…NoCD is a person to be taken in very small doses.



  50.  #50Tam on December 13, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Oh I have cried having sex, for sure…at least one time with someone….and latterly with MrP…but he is like a radar, he zoomed in on it straight away..he’s like ‘why is your heart beating so fast? Oh..you are crying???’ (I was silent.) It was actually when I had come to the conclusion that I must chuck him out of my life….the last tears basically.
    He didn’t ask or anything, just held me which was nice. However, my mind had been made up.
    Hm.
    Was a strange feeling actually…I cried for something that was never happening and finally I realised.
    Actually, it was almost a feeling of painful relief…’that’s it’.



  51.  #51Tam on December 13, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    34 Ruth, I agree..about the intimacy.
    I also believe that for men it is the same, at least so I have been told and experienced.



  52.  #52Tam on December 13, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    BUT I could never have sex with a man I couldn’t kiss with a passion. That just ain’t going to happen. Ever.



  53.  #53GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    My silly Dancing Ginger will have to wait.



  54.  #54GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    Tam, oh sorry, I meant the friend who intro’d you. I have so many people to keep up with in life here, plus Siren details I lost track, lol, thanks!



  55.  #55GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    #49 Tam I have been exactly like this too… and cried for other opposite reasons as well, with my ex husband and one or two other men I loved deeply and dearly.



  56.  #56GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    $42 Glowy (lol there’s my funny typo again)

    Men don’t realize that when we cry it isn’t necessarily a “bad” thing… omg why doesn’t somebody teach the poor dears. Is one reason I love men from certain cultures, where they DO just know this from childhood, bc they are taught.



  57.  #57GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    I have cried with a man who cried also. NSM



  58.  #58GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    And the man who introduced me to him too, who I was dating at the time. He cried a lot when we first got together.



  59.  #59ruth on December 13, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Tam
    A lot of the sex i had in the past was nothing to do with having fun
    I shall leave it there



  60.  #60GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    And I cried hard when I knew I had to break up with that guy in such a moment of intimacy, it just was not gonna work for me and I should not have gotten so close with him so lightning fast (he wanted to marry me on day 1 or 2 and was pushing me like a soft locomotive, has been married several times and had just gotten ditched by his latest wife, is married again now… maybe he never cried w me during lovemaking actually, only before, when we first were holding each other.

    But NSM and me have cried together.



  61.  #61Tam on December 13, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    I like it when men cry, Gingersky…I had the most amazing boyfriend and he never cried only when things were really bad, and when we split up, so maybe three times in 5 years….it made us get so much closer.
    Come to think of it. I can’t ever imagine MrP crying. I don’t think he has for decades, he is so cold. Wow, what a thought.
    Poor guy.



  62.  #62Tam on December 13, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    (((Ruth))))



  63.  #63GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    I feel if we cry during lovemaking it is because the soul connects with another, and it is then when it realizes it has been so very hungry, and alone. And it feels connected, opened, and deeply alive, touched, known, settled, taking flight, flowing and grateful, at last… yet so tenderly it also feels its aloneness and how it cannot ensure connection goes on… and more… it all goes so deep.

    That is how it feels for me.



  64.  #64Tam on December 13, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    I would feel super annoyed if Curly dropped the ball because NoCD indicated to him that he would like to date me. I have heard anout this loyalty around men especially good friends. OMG, I would feel super-annoyed simply because I have known NoCD for 3 years….and there was never a chance in h*ll of him and me even spending more than 1 evening every 2 months together – that is as much of him as I can take.
    If because of stupid men loyalty, I have now a good CD dropping the ball and a NoCD stepping up…oh Jeez. That would be sad.
    Well, time will tell…..
    May the best man win ๐Ÿ˜‰



  65.  #65GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    #58 Ruth I shall not ask you, but this leaves me intrigued and feeling kind of caringly concerned. Good energies to you in whatever that means.



  66.  #66Tam on December 13, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    62, Gingersky, beautiful…that’s how it felt for me too..and then the realisation that it’s not going to go anywhere and that I can’t torture myself like that anymore – made me cry even more.
    Hrmpf.
    The first time we had sex when I got back here I did cry out of happiness actually, and the last time I cried out of sadness….but both, oddly, felt good and cleansing.



  67.  #67GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    #63 Tam, I imagine this isn’t very Rori-like of me, but I would find that scenario triggering and I would then drop them both lol. It would make me feel that two controlling men were managing and choosing my life for me, and I’d take them both out of rotation. That’s just me. I deserve to be consulted with.

    The queen in me would have none of this |as she waves her hand dismissively| lol!



  68.  #68GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    I’d be asking some very not-so-innocent questions and leaning forward, I would. I am not suggesting you do that, just exploring my triggers here! Whew, this leaves me a bit hot under the collar! LOL



  69.  #69Tam on December 13, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    66 Gingersky, I know!!!!
    I am not sure if this is coincidence, but two days in a row they both sent me a text message at exactly the same time!! Hm.
    I thought Curly was just trying to make sure that I was free (which is fair enough), but he was going on about it at the dinner also..and NoCD is a little younger, you see….hm. After I freaked about the 60…
    But we will see…he dropped something in about NoCD’s condo, saying ‘oh, have you seen it?’ and of course I never went there, so I said ‘no’ and he seemed kind of pleased about that, ha.
    I guess men here just are a bit insecure and worry about being played. And NoCD has money and has taken me to some stuff that was pretty great, and paid for everything. Curly is living quite a modest life. But that is what I am like, and I like that.
    Anyhow.
    Time will tell. Not chucking anybody out yet but if I suspect any kind of game playing again, I might…



  70.  #70ruth on December 13, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    Thank you Gingersky

    I am not saying much becuse the last time I did I was ignired and it fel so bad that I decided I would not lay myself open like thay again
    Now I read here, learn a lot and will do te occasional post if I feel it might help someone, to share a similar experience
    Guess I post on here with “no expectations” now

    the last bad time i did want some support.But that comes from within anyay



  71.  #71Tam on December 13, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    Gingersky, leaning forward in what way?
    NoCD today worded things very strange. He said if I wanted ‘a ride’ to a certain place for martinis, to let him know….and I almost suspected they would both be there. It’s a strange wording because normally he would have said ‘going to so-and- so, want to go with me and shall I pick you up?’
    Weird!



  72.  #72GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    #68 Tam, yes this all makes sense now. This feels very eye-opening as regards how easy it is for us to make a story in our minds that is less than accurate, until we get more details, repeatedly. I enjoyed reading this. Your pov and attitude make perfect sense to me and fwiw I support and relate to it then!



  73.  #73Tam on December 13, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    Ruth, I feel sad reading that because I would feel great if you shared something and I would read it with interest always. Always. I might not be qualified to comment, but I would take a keen interest in what is going on with you, for sure.
    I am very fond of you, even though only in cyber space.



  74.  #74ruth on December 13, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Yeah Tam,I felt very sad too.And angry
    But its how it is



  75.  #75GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    Tam, very interesting indeed… wording may or may not mean anything and I prefer to not hold onto any sense I get of reading between someone’s lines (esp a man’s) though my mind tends to see patterns and weirdnesses easily.

    The leaning forward I saw myself doing in such a situation (and which would be fitting in my culture here and likely not a problem) would be to call my friend and say, “I’m wondering, did you have a convo with Curly about me?” No Siren stuff for me in that moment, only a tough and classy broad getting to the bottom of weird-feeling situation and making herself clear. But that is not advisable etc.

    If he said, yes, I’d go back into Siren-ness and say, “Wow, I kinda picked up that y’all had done that… that feels kinda weird. I’m not sure how to take that. I don’t really like feeling weird like this… what do you think we should do?”

    I’m not a full Siren yet, lol!



  76.  #76GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    #69 Ruth Well, I begin to imagine some possibilities of what it was you wanted support on. If people ignored it, then maybe it was bc it triggered them, or felt unfamiliar or overwhelming for them to process and respond to. It’s impossible to know what’s in someone’s mindheart and how something might feel for them |smile|

    Wholeness and supportiveness to you!



  77.  #77Tam on December 13, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    Gingersky..if he was a good friend of mine, I’d likely do that. But he is a transient friend, someone I catch up with only now and then…and they are good friends…sooooooo I don’t feel safe doing that, more like a hyaena trying to extract info….and it would be maybe just inappropriate seeing that I am not overly interested in either of them. Ha.
    All will happen as it should. I trust in that…but it would be a pain to lose a good CD for someone whom I have known for so long and who is boring the living daylights out of me..haha. (I am just being picky now..)



  78.  #78GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    #72 Aw, Tam, that feels so sweet, honest and authentic to read. Fills my heart too.



  79.  #79Tam on December 13, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    77 Thank you Gingersky, feeling happy about that. I actually feel elated and understood reading your posts…and I love when you comment on mine. ๐Ÿ™‚



  80.  #80ruth on December 13, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    than you gingersky

    I was pretty well ignored by everyone on the Blog, so I gues I said something pretty triggering
    Or, I am invisible
    Either way, it felt horrible, so not going there again



  81.  #81GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    #76 Tam, understood and agreed yes! Well said! He he. And I am a very classy and sassy hyena when I take a notion. Lol

    (Though I am not a cougar ha ha… maybe a ginger panther and a vulture totem, a dragonfly or a little swan, but never a cougar)

    Again, not making suggestions for you here, just processing for myself, and it feels amusing and like fertile thoughts ๐Ÿ™‚ Your replies are fuel for my thoughts.



  82.  #82GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Ruth, yes, that’s what triggers can do to us. Make us not wanna go there ever again.



  83.  #83Tam on December 13, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    79 Ruth, I am not suggesting you should but maybe you have an opportunity to heal something there…

    80..Gingersky, I actually love advice and suggestions…because mostly I just float through like with my head in the clouds and I love seeing other people’s point of view…it’s kind of opening up new horizons. I love learning.



  84.  #84GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    I feel bad that you felt ignored! For me that would be useful moment to notice my trigger though, and try and see where that thing came from… and where I could pull it out, dismantle it… that’s just me |smile and hugs!|



  85.  #85GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Tam, yes me too (though my head is strangely often in clouds as it focuses down on something scientific or analytical and blockes out everything for the excitement of the work I love to do!).

    New horizons! Getting outside of ourselves! And back in in better ways.



  86.  #86GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Going to answer email finally now… and get dinner. Bye all.



  87.  #87GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    #78 Tam (That feels super good for me too! |big smile| I like elated, given and received!)



  88.  #88GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    #79 Oh, one more thing, Ruth… I wonder did you ask people on the blog if/why they felt triggered or ignoring of you? I’m just curious, and would love to hear what anyone replied to such a question. Hmmmm. Deep thoughts.



  89.  #89GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    Oh, and Ruth, fwiw, I can hear and be present with nearly anything from anyone and not feel triggered or judging. It takes something incredibly far out and extreme to knock me off my square as far as things that humans do and experience, feel and think. I have pretty much heard it all.

    I am listening.

    Love and hugs, big ones to you!



  90.  #90GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Mischedule at work! Not working afterall and will get paid 2 hrs anyway. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Lean forward texts:

    “Not working afterall?? They mischeduled me….”

    and

    “I could go home still, and I would also enjoy hanging out. What do you think?”

    “Yes, lets hang…”

    hmmm I feel good about this! I will go home tomorrow, and also pick up my tires then. Sweetness ๐Ÿ™‚

    No work and a little pay makes Stix a happy girl! hehe

    Happy. More pls ๐Ÿ˜€



  91.  #91Belle on December 13, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    C told me
    “There’s a little part of me that feels a little bit afraid of you.”
    Then the phone started ringing and people walked in so I walked out.
    I felt bored.
    I felt annoyed.
    I noticed thoughts like, “ME? Mack Daddy ghetto king playa who has ex’s who carry guns and threaten to kill you and have stalked you and you are afraid of ME?”

    and
    “Good. F*ck you. Let me know when you get over that.”
    and
    “I can understand, I’ve been afraid of me, too”
    and
    “I feel irritated, I don’t want to hear about your feelings!”
    and
    “I wonder if this is a trick to get my attention because he feels the control slipping away?”
    and
    “He has my phone number, if it’s that important to him he can CALL ME about it, not bring it up at work.”
    Grrrrrrrrrrrr
    I want to cut off, shut down, bat him away in my mind.
    Thoughts about,
    “why do I need him to be afraid of me?”
    noticing thoughts that an interested man who doesn’t feel afraid of me might
    rape
    me
    or
    beat
    me
    yup
    tears in the throat
    I feel so scared of being raped or beaten again
    I’d rather do this unavailable dance, as painful as it has been, because what seems like the alternative is
    too terrifying to even contemplate

    (Nobody’s going to beat us or our baby inside of us again…whatever it takes)

    I can’t tell who I can trust so it’s easier to just deal with the ones I *know* are shady and dance the dance I know. The devil I know.
    (thank you)
    What will it take for this to heal, my love?

    I know I’m combative
    and I know I like to hit
    and I know it’s a double-standard
    and I don’t know why I am this way
    and I know it isn’t fair
    and it’s all messed up and I know why you think I’d stab you in the back because the thought has through my mind
    and baby please just hold me
    grab me hold me so tight like you did the other night
    it made me forget the crazy for a little while and I was all melty and it felt like love
    so mcuh pain in my throat
    love love love
    to me
    Belle I love your crazy
    kiss kiss kiss butterfly kisses all over my heart



  92.  #92GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    (((ruth)))

    When that went down…

    For me, there was no trigger in your posts. Of course, I was reading later, after the fact and had seen your distress prior to reading.

    What I saw? The blog totally wrapped up in their own urgent words and responses and discussions. I saw you as having slipped through a crack.

    My fully honest assessment! <3



  93.  #93GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Ruth is dear to me too, and I get her.

    I believe we have felt very similar things, though I can’t be totally sure.

    Most of my sex without love has been the opposite though. Sheerly for fun. With many emotional walls. Nothing tender. Rough and fast and fun.



  94.  #94Dominique on December 13, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    About kissing and attraction etc. I have heard have experienced this for myself – there is a direct energetic connection when kissing to the genitals. When K and I kiss during sex for example, whatever I’m feeling in terms of sensation AND emotions instantly intensifies.

    xxoo



  95.  #95Annie on December 13, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Yuck! Just had a man say so what do you do again.

    When I said I have as much fun as possible he replied you don’t have to tell me if you are a call girl or something.
    WTF just because I have big boobs and am blonde I am not a call girl.

    I replied that would not feel fun to me to be a call girl.
    OMG! I feel pissed at myself for not walking off and just ignoring him after that.

    So what does that mean then I look like a cal girl?
    Had a knee length long sleeve dress on and very little make up. Bit hard to hide boobs if you have them though. ๐Ÿ™
    Feel sad. Yucky man go away.

    What am I supposed to learn from that then?
    I don’t get it.



  96.  #96Dominique on December 13, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    The tears after sex is an emotional release, common for women. For me it has happened twice when the relationships was new.

    xxoo



  97.  #97Annie on December 13, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Oh that special kiss the one you always remember.



  98.  #98Dominique on December 13, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    I did not have a negative experience either time. K kissed away the tears though never said a word. It was only the next day when I asked about it, he said jokingly, “I thought I must have been really bad.” He laughed and went on to say that he figured I would tell him when I was ready.

    xxoo



  99.  #99Annie on December 13, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    I usually have great comments on how I look and dress. This felt horrible.



  100.  #100Annie on December 13, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    http://www.littlewoods.com/savoir-confident-curves-knot-mock-wrap-dress/1140963072.prd?browseToken=%2fb%2f1655%2fo%2f11%2fpromo%2f149300087

    Had a dress similar to this on. ๐Ÿ™ Not sure how that make someone think I am a call girl.



  101.  #101Dominique on December 13, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    Annie – There’s not necessarily a lesson here. Sometimes things/people like this will float in and float out, maybe a reminder that there are all kinds of people and experiences in the world, and you know this is one you don’t want in your life, so you move on.

    xxoo



  102.  #102Dominique on December 13, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    People will think what they think for whatever reasons. You know your truth, and this is all that is important.

    xxoo



  103.  #103Annie on December 13, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    Ty Dominique. I do have a habit of over thinking sometimes.



  104.  #104Annie on December 13, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    xx



  105.  #105Dominique on December 13, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    <3

    xxoo



  106.  #106Emerson on December 13, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    Ruth I feel sad that you felt ignored. I’ve felt that way on the blog before off and on…even during times when Sirens I “know” are posting LOL and I’ve felt a little hurt/ignored. But now I realize that it’s not that they are trying to ignore me but perhaps there’s so many posts and conversations going back and forth, I got lost in the shuffle. (((hugs to Ruth))) I felt triggered by it too, but I think it helped me heal a bigger trigger of feeling “ignored” in real life as well and now I feel better about it….if that makes any sense….



  107.  #107Emerson on December 13, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    Annie, that dress is absolutely adorable and hot and gorgeous! I’m sure you looked dashing in your photo…like Dominique said there are some men that are keepers and some are not…
    Any man tha would so much as SUGGEST that about you, I want to punch him in the head. LOL…. ((Annie))

    hee hee now I want to shop for that dress…



  108.  #108Emerson on December 13, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    So mr. CD out of the blue who contacted me after a year…I’m feeling curious about. Trying not to give it too much focus though…
    He is really cute and nice and shares my faith and has a respectable profession…I always enjoyed talking to him in the past….

    Well anyway I don’t have any CDs right now persay…

    I need to find a few more…I’ve been feeling frumpy and I need to spruce up my hair and makeup a bit…

    Annie your dress inspired me…super cute



  109.  #109Vi on December 13, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    The post made me feel my guilt over dumping one man I felt especially safe and loved and secure with… at that time this easiness felt like a turn off.. Guilt feels like a thick layer of some heavy and sticky and dark substance on my skin.. like 3 inches or so … It feels like this heavy weight is pulling me down, to the ground, making my movements difficult and uneasy.. This heaviness feels especially strong in my face muscles and knees and forearms and shoulders. Omg this is so cute… I feel like hugging myself… I want to support myself while feeling this way… I love my adorable guilt… Am I guilty of my fear of intimacy?.. I am. I think it’s ‘wrong’. I love my beliefs. I love my dear fear of intimacy. I love my judgmental thoughts. I feel angry at myself to have fear of intimacy. I love my wonderful anger. I feel hate towards myself that I have fear of intimacy which led me to certain choices that didn’t feel good. But my love is stronger ๐Ÿ™‚ And I love my hate too!! Hehe I feel giggly. Sigh. It feels good to sigh. I feel connected with the Universe. Yawn. I feel recharged and refreshed. Thank you air, thank you lungs, thank you throat for being there for me and helping me to breathe, it feels sooo good…
    The part who once felt loved and safe and secure, is feeling sad now.. It’s okay, my beautiful part of me who loves to feel secure… and you know how brave I am baby stepping to a better feeling place… Isn’t it time to feel secure with me? Since we’ve got some really good boundaries and taking exquisite care of us?.. Sigh. Yes. Ohhh since it’s safe to feel more open and relaxed now, am I starting to feel fear of intimacy?.. Yes. YAY! I caught this in-between feeling! It feels like clenched teeth and slightly frowned brows and tight shoulders for fear of intimacy, and pouty lips for the part that wants openness and sincerity and feels bad feeling me shutting down! Hehe… this is so awesome! Yum! Wooo hooooo! I can babystep even further now! It feels exhilarating!



  110.  #110Tam on December 13, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Hi Emerson!!! ๐Ÿ™‚ you sound good!!

    I feel bored and am writing Xmas cards, but nice to sit in my Condo with Candles ๐Ÿ™‚

    I regret now not going out with NoCD but then, Xmas cards don’t write themselves, do they?! ๐Ÿ˜‰



  111.  #111GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    Annie, cute dress omg! I love this. It reminds me of some of the best dresses I had in the 80s but only better (I love(d) the 80s fashion). This dress is classy.

    What others say and think about us is not our business, it is bc of them and not bc of us.

    That man may have some issues in himself, like it could be *anything*. I got attitudes like this from a man once, and turned out his mother was a prostitute. He was sweet, all a-fumble, trying to deal with the weirdness he felt from childhood (sorry to anyone out there, I just do not find prostitution to be the healthiest thing in the world for all concerned, tho I have no judgments and have had plenty friends in various sex trade occupations). Also some men have immense respect for call girls, and it sound like he might’ve been trying to be respectful. It is a serious, challenging, and for some rewarding job, and/or some feel they must do it to survive, or whatever. It deserves our respect regardless imo.

    So if someone thought said this about me, I would’ve immediately thought, “Nice, I must look glamorous and edgy-cool, or something like that… and poor guy, wonder where he came up with that! Lol! I like my dress!”



  112.  #112GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Oh, yeah, and that man who said that about me (and it wasn’t the first or last time that’s been said about little old me) thought I was gorgeous and sadly out of his league. He was smitten and hopeful, and reverent toward my beauty and sense of comfortable sexuality, which he liked. He was actually pretty cool it seemed, just had a weird childhood. I cut him slack and took it all as the compliments it was meant.

    I’ve also had men say that about me and it was meant as mean. That’s their issue… they were all men who seemed to believe a woman being comfortable in her sexuality must be wrong and bad. And let me tell you, it is nothing but a vibe with me that they feel. I have small boobs, nerdy face, girl next door, pale, skinny, freckles, somewhat introverted, glasses, not glamour material at all (or “trashy-looking” either, which can also be seen by some men as a cool style too, and not indicative of a “trashy” person, just a look they like… David Cassidy is one famous example as he talks about this). I carry my sexuality as a comfortable and easily accessible part of myself, and that triggers some men.

    Poor men.

    It’s not about us. Our presence just has so much power to sway them.



  113.  #113Emerson on December 13, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Hi GingerSky
    Wow interesting perspective about call girls and showing me an alternative…switching the reaction from “I want to punch him” to “wow I must look hot”…

    And I agree the dress reminds me a little of the 80’s which I LOVE as well <3

    Tam I feel inspired to do more of my Christmas errands after reading about your card writing ๐Ÿ™‚

    Vi I really enjoyed reading what you wrote about your guilt….I feel so similar to what you wrote about my ex from a few years back… I feel guilt for being afraid of intimacy and of the "real thing" perhaps…and feel frustrated with myself over it and not sure how to reach past it…
    Thank you so much for sharing that…I had never put the thoughts to words….
    Wow I feel guilt and shame over it…I still talk about him to my parents sometimes and it's been over ten years.



  114.  #114Annie on December 13, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    Ty sirens. xx. I feel all shaky inside when men say things like that to me.
    I read recently about another man who created a profile pretending to be a woman and posted a cute fake picture up stating, didn’t want to put too sexy a pic up as I didn’t want the men to think she was a slut.
    And was saying how everyman is attracted to hot looking cute girls but only for sex not marrying. Nice!



  115.  #115Emerson on December 13, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    Vi that kind of came out wrong,,,that I enjoyed reading about your guilt…not that I am happy you have guilt but that I could relate to it…



  116.  #116Vi on December 13, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    Emerson hi ๐Ÿ™‚ I feel giggly reading 113, as reading your feedback made me only feel very glad that the post felt helpful to you!



  117.  #117Rose on December 13, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    Hi Rori, I am 37, never been married but have had a couple of long term relationships. My best thinking seems to lead to heart break. I have a habit of giving my heart away to quickly. I have recently met a man who I like & after a couple of coffees, we do seem to connect & enjoy each others company. I am extremely attracted to him, in fact I’m having feelings that would usually have me giving to much away & getting into something serious. Having purchased some of your products, I don’t want to rush things & ruin something that may have potential. At this point, we are friends & just getting to know each other. He seems happy with that. I just find it so difficult not to get ahead of myself. I’m still not sure how to sit still & just let a relationship evolve. Thank you



  118.  #118LoveAlways on December 13, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Rori Said: “Imagine this: You havenโ€™t asked him to spend money on you (thatโ€™s all up to him), you havenโ€™t lied to him about your feelings (youโ€™ve been truthfully Feeling Messaging all along), youโ€™re amazing and heโ€™s had the blessing of being in your company for these dates โ€“ AND โ€“ heโ€™s LEARNED as much from being with you and having this experience as youโ€™ve learned from him.”

    This triggered me for a minute. I felt anxious that a man would feel rejected and I don’t want to make anyone feel rejected because, because, because . . . because I don’t want to feel rejected!!! Yes, that’s the feeling deep down inside, rejection – when I feel not good enough, not pretty enough, not slim enough, just not wanted, not respected, not desired, ohh the pain, the deep deep pain of going there – Yes, YES, I’m going there, I’m feeling it all behind my eyes, down the back of my neck and tight in my back making it hard for me to breath – but breathe, deeeeeeeep breath, yes, cleansing breath, healing the pain deep in my heart, healing touch, feeling the healing,I’m holding on to this moment, cramping up in belly, feeling that pain and embracing it – it’s okay – it’s alright – I’m going to be okay – I am okay. Rori is right, there are no lies, speak your feeling, start with the truth, share the moment, let it ride . . . forget about rejection, it doesn’t really matter



  119.  #119GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    About my #110: I also must say that I am often a rather shapely little pale freckled nerdball doll, too, hee hee.



  120.  #120LoveAlways on December 13, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    My boy energy has been busy all day. It feels good to sit back, put my feet up and relax



  121.  #121GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 7:29 pm

    #111 Emerson, I know right?

    In a way, when we get insulted about being compared to a call girl, we seriously disrespect and dehumanize our sisters in “The Corps” lol!

    “She works hard for the money… soooo hard for it honey…”

    Whatever she does, she is beeeaauutiful. She is woman.



  122.  #122GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    I look like a hooker?

    Yeah… an awesome one too, lol. How much do I cost?

    (This Q I was once asked in London when I was 21 by a handsome and nervous tall well-built young man who walked up beside me, with a fake mustache drawn on (age 17?)… I didn’t realize the pretty flowered brick-street alley I was cutting through on foot was “that kind” of an alley… so that’s why all those girls and women were above, sitting half out their windows along the street.)

    How much for me?! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Oh, I am priceless, babycakes. Priceless. As are we all.

    And thanks for the compliment!



  123.  #123GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    (((( Rose ))))

    Welcome? Are you new here?



  124.  #124Daria on December 13, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    Rose – you must Cicular Date. Get Targeting Mr Right



  125.  #125GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    Ginger, thank you for loving me so much that you put that Bill Evans piano jazz as one of the ringtones on my phone…

    …it is soooooo lovely and wonderful.

    (And it also reminds me of my 73-year-old charming and talented intelligent depthful jazz-pianist/composer/arranger (and fantastic gardener, communicator, writer and more) semi-CD, who is away for the winter… such an amazing gentleman. He loves Bill Evans too. He plays for me while I sing, and we sound **great** together. Good times.)



  126.  #126GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    I have a new baby-thought/idea that perhaps we do spectactularly better at dating when we focus, desire and look forward with anticipation and excitement to the good times we’re possibly likely to have…

    …and not the man.

    That might clear up a WHOLE lot of issues for me.

    Hmmm… I like this thought, it feels really really good (and true).



  127.  #127GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    #113 Emerson, that sounds so sweet and hilarious in it’s candid sincerity, I love what you said… it makes me feel all giggly inside at your cute misspoken words and reframe!

    #112 Annie, I don’t quite understand… what did this man do?



  128.  #128GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    Awww… I miss Donna Summer, I loved her a lot and would have like to know her personally…

    You never know where a song came from…

    http://www.allmusic.com/song/she-works-hard-for-the-money-mt0032273879



  129.  #129Linda on December 13, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    Interesting comments tonight. I love everyones differences here. Sex and crying.. yeah been there and done that. I have had this happen with three different partners over my lifetime. Each time the intimacy triggered an emotional release for me. Good memories to say the least.

    My CD’s right now…Kissing each of them is nice and I could see myself each of them intimately. I have never had this happen before. Usually there is just one.. my attraction goes to one and the other is pale in comparison. Not this time though. New development for me. These men have truely great qualities that I am attracted to and enjoy their company.

    I was analizying my attraction to the one that is really my favorite of the two. He is drop dead gorgeoous to me. He is a gentlemen, chivalrist, great sense of humor (love his laugh). His kisses are superb. He has a warmth in his soul that I feel very attracted to and comfortable with. It is hard for me to NOT see a future with this man. I can see me moving from CDing him to letting him be my man. He fits and feels so comfy… I feel myself wanting to just flow into him. His phrasing and conversations hint at future things with him.. It is like he is imagining me in his future and those things are popping out in his speech and like he is going to be including me in his future. “trips, getting to know my daughter, sharing my grandchildren, taking my dog home with him… the referring to the empty side of his bed as my side of the bed”. When things like that are said… it is like a farmer tilling up soil and his words are like seeds I want to grow… I am having trouble not having them turn in to expectations.

    With all this shared…All I can do is keep my heart unzippered , receive and let him decide if he is going to stay or go.



  130.  #130Aminata on December 13, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    Hi Ladies,

    I had the song “Joanna” by Kool and the Gang stuck in my head all day. I liked the lyrics to the song- it sounded like something a man would sing to a siren he’s in love with. I happily sang it to myself all day.

    So I you tubed the video and it’s the sweetest. Joanna in the video is truly an inspirational siren- she has the men circling around her! Check it out to see what I mean.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsklsxReSe0

    Hugs! Aminata



  131.  #131Emerson on December 13, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    Ugh ‘ !!!! Out of the blueCD said something rude….then said he was joking and haha …. I replied that it feels bad to be teased that way and actually I feel turned off…

    Blaahhhhh I feel so triggered feel like crying



  132.  #132Emerson on December 13, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    I want to be talked to like I’m cherished and feel beautiful….not teasing me about sensitive things… Gosh!!!



  133.  #133Emerson on December 13, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    Thanks Vi and Ginger

    Ugh I feel like drop to my knees disappointed and weepy after that exchange with BlueCD…

    Why am I so sensitive?

    I’m so screwed up.



  134.  #134GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    #131 Aw, Emerson… why do you say this? Where’s the Rori Tools of just feeling your feelings and loving them and you? Your reaction doesn’t even seem remotely weird to me, much less “screwed up”.

    Your talk with him is bringing up a trigger and hurt place in you that needs to be healed. That is all.

    This makes me feel all soft and caring about you feeling like this means you’re screwed up.



  135.  #135GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    I’ve almost always all my life felt extremely hurt and triggered when someone makes fun of my sensitivities (like in childhood w parents). it still hurts… and w NSM I’ve often had to get used to being called on my sensitivities bc mine trigger his and he gets upset about it. Does not seem screwed up… but you must not feel okay about you unless you’re being “tough”?



  136.  #136Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    #90 GlowStix

    I totally agree, Ruth’s “little voice” got lost that day when all the “louder voices” were tangled up with their own interactions. I went back and read too but couldn’t really understand whether Ruth had a question.



  137.  #137GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    Am still thinking about call girls and how much I care about them… and I feel I have to say the other side of what I didn’t say before, just for the record and my conscience, since it’s such an important issue for me: some sex trade workers are literally captives, and it was never their choice to be in that work.

    All women are precious.

    They don’t deserve to be the butt of jokes, used as a way of making fun of anyone, or considered as an insult or repulsive, scary or anything. They’re people.

    I just have to say this, it’s not directed at anyone anywhere and I’m not triggered about it ๐Ÿ™‚ Sometimes I have areas in which I make negataive or funny comments and don’t realize the implications too, and I appreciate my awareness being brought to that. This is just something to think about imo. If anyone is interested I can share links from former sex workers who are working hard to help others (male and female) to get free and change their lives if they so choose… if I see your request.

    Blessings all.



  138.  #138GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    SMB, wow that was *awesome* of you to do that imo. And very helpful.

    Maybe we can take turns on this Who Slipped Thru The Cracks Patrol! Very well done.



  139.  #139Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    #98 Annie

    Nice dress, I have a few something similar, nothing call girlish about them at all, he was just an idiot.



  140.  #140GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 10:35 pm

    Ruth, maybe you feel as if you were ignored… as if Sirens responses to your posts didn’t measure up to what you had hoped or felt was needed for you. I believe we all feel a bit overlooked here sometimes, what with our self-work focus, technology being what it is and us all doing the best we can to reply and stuff.

    I hope this feeling results in some new ground and growth for you soon, and thank you for sharing that you felt this way!



  141.  #141Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 10:35 pm

    #104 Emerson

    ^^^^^^ waves at you. ๐Ÿ˜€



  142.  #142GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    Emerson, being teased about my sensitive areas is def one of the worst feelings/experiences I can have… my heart just drops, and that man is never as appealing… it is a total turn off.

    It makes me feel gouged out in my chest and crestfallen… and lots of other stuff.

    I have ditched people for that. Hmmmm.



  143.  #143Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    #131 Emerson

    Did you read Dominique’s article about ultra sensitive people? You are not screwed up at all, just some people feel things more deeply than others is all.



  144.  #144GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    Men (or anyone) making fun and teasing about sensitivities… it is THEIR stuff… they feel weird, in denial or afraid about their own sensitivities? With NSM it has some to do with his beautiful Mom getting sick and then dying it seems.

    Silly brutish boys, poking at us and pulling on girls pigtails and so on… they are fumbling and don’t know how to treat us well… poor men.

    That must feel very confusing for them lol.



  145.  #145Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    #136 Ginger Sky

    Must be my inner patrol officer side coming out. ๐Ÿ˜€



  146.  #146GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    I think our sensitivites sometimes turn them on. It is so “other” for them. So girl-like.

    So fear and arousal and not knowing what to do with us get all rolled together for them. Poor boys and poor men. LOL

    I love my sensitivities (well almost).



  147.  #147GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    Lol SMB, do you have such a side, like did you do the directing-traffic thing for kids? I feel your sweetness and strength, graciousness and loveliness coming through all the time when i read your words. It is palpable! You are awesome.



  148.  #148GingerSky on December 13, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    I have also ditched guys who were more sensitive than me who continually built me up with constant and overplayed repetitive and simplistic compliments all the time… like they thought it would get them in my bed, or they felt my needs strongly, or they felt their own… wanted to get a nice emotional reaction from me…

    …it just feels good when a man is just real around me… comfortable in his own skin a bit…

    …but the civilized brutes who make fun are not on my Christmas wish list… we mix like, well, like GingerSky mixes with paint fumes. We just don’t mix.



  149.  #149Sirenity on December 13, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    Ruth, sorry you felt ignored. I did miss your post the first time i was “rough reading” too. I find people rarely comment on my posts here about “events’ and are more likely to post if a comment is directly addressed to them.

    I find people here as everywhere also reply to statements of feeling , not facts (and I dont recall if you had expressed the issues as feelings or just as a factual narrative sorry).

    So if someone says ” I am feeling so sad and distressed about my past . I feel like beating myself up about some stuff i did when i was young and sad” or something..i really notice that and feel drawn to them . I wonder if this may partly explain a lack of response?

    The other issue is the speed at which the blog moves.
    I notice new comments get lost in continuing conversations so easily.

    Sometimes I dont feel good posting at all..and sometimes i feel like a pressure valve is released and I feel somehow better..as in its about the feelings i get to express (and maybe some narrative as well) as much as it is about a response. Any issue for me feels better when it is put outside of myself and on a public blog.

    So back to a feeling message. I felt really sad a few minutes ago as i came home from ex husbands home where my young adult son is recuperating post surgery .

    I felt devastated to realise that I would still be with my ex today if he hadnt wanted to end the marriage . He voted out a few years in and never spent time with me, moved out of the bedroom and “neglected” me as Rori calls it. We were divorced 10 years ago.

    I feel guilt and shame and sadness and inadequacy that my husband didnt want me. I feel so sad that i didnt know what to do when he distanced himself emotionally and physically. I made many mistakes.



  150.  #150Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 11:32 pm

    #145 Ginger Sky

    Wow thank you for your kindness to me.

    Yes I am a Gemini and have 2 distinct sides plus I am Scorpio in the moon thingy bit so quite the mix lol!!!



  151.  #151Silver Moonbeam on December 13, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    #147 Sirenity

    (((( HUGS ))))

    To paraphrase Maya Angelou and this is my own mantra for my life BTW:

    “I did what I thought was best at the time, and when I knew better, I did better.”

    I think this time of the year can make us feel very emotional, once again unless I pick up a man real quick lol looks like I will be spending Christmas on my own with no romance.

    I also miss my kids and grand-kids in Australia dreadfully at Christmas and find it hard to summon up all the joy and goodwill feelings we are supposed to have.



  152.  #152GlowStix on December 13, 2012 at 11:50 pm

    Vi

    I don’t know why I haven’t said this before…I love the way you riff. It is beautiful.



  153.  #153GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 12:11 am

    Insomnia. I feel frustrated I can’t sleep. My brain is totally clear, quiet. No explanation. I just lay there for 3 hours listening to the traffic before I had a moment of supreme grrrrrrrrr and got up. Got some sweet mary-jane to sing me a proper lullaby.

    It amazes me the difference between last night’s feelings and tonights. Maybe it is as simple as napping all day and then not working like I was supposed to. Sounds about right ๐Ÿ™‚



  154.  #154Silver Moonbeam on December 14, 2012 at 12:14 am

    โ€œI did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.โ€

    โ€• Maya Angelou

    http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/3503.Maya_Angelou



  155.  #155Silver Moonbeam on December 14, 2012 at 12:16 am

    This heading:

    “Don’t let your feelings of attraction lead you to another Mr Wrong.”

    I don’t quite get this, anybody care to chip in?



  156.  #156Silver Moonbeam on December 14, 2012 at 12:18 am

    #151 GlowStix

    I woke up well before 4am and tossed and turned so got up at 4.15am put the kettle on for a cuppa and logged onto here and FB. I bet I will be dead beat this afternoon. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I am not a good sleeper either.



  157.  #157GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 12:23 am

    SMB

    Good to know i’m not alone ๐Ÿ™‚ At least i’ll sleep well tomorrow night! I’m up always up before the sun.



  158.  #158GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 12:33 am

    You are getting sleeeeeepy. Your eyes are getting droooooopy. Your head is feeling heaaaaaavy. Yawn. I feel emotionally wiped and spent. Bored with the inner dance. Need a break maybe. Tapping my well dry.



  159.  #159GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 12:35 am

    Oh there it is. I fell beneath the surface. I know I could sleep now. Two yawns between sleep, and now.



  160.  #160ruth on December 14, 2012 at 12:38 am

    thank you for your comments ladies



  161.  #161Vi on December 14, 2012 at 12:59 am

    GlowStix thank you ๐Ÿ™‚



  162.  #162Sirenity on December 14, 2012 at 2:43 am

    Thank you SMB – I wrote but must be in moderation.
    I feel better.

    I am SO enjoying the Love Scripts. I feel more hopeful.
    I feel excited to meet some men ๐Ÿ™‚

    ( I also feel concerned re some medical issues I have right now…)

    I just gave one a litle speech on POF when he proposed a FWB (during first email) I said that felt bad to me. I felt turned off if my need for love and adoration arent being met.He responded politely and with understanding.



  163.  #163Sirenity on December 14, 2012 at 3:29 am

    I am watching Lord of The Rings , Part two. Such stirring romance, such a wonderful tale. Valour, endurance, pledges and love , constancy, tradition, heroism and the triumph of good..aaahhh..my heart feels like bursting when I watch this.

    Long long ago, on an island in the South Pacific, night after night my own true love and i would read it to each other by lantern light. I hear his voice to this day. he was well suited to me but my family refused to accept him as my husband. I caved in eventually and cut him off. To this day I feel that deep sadness of a young women who was doing her best.

    This is my most romantic memory, very precious to me . I feel so sad and happy watching this movie.

    My father actually apologised to me and wanted to make amends years later..too late.



  164.  #164Sirenity on December 14, 2012 at 3:37 am

    in this movie, Eowyn stands up to her fathers forceful wishes and persuasion for her to leave with the last ships to the West and give up her love for Aragorn.
    ” here you will dwell bound to your grief..there is nothing here , only death”

    She stands firm.

    I did not.

    I feel chills to realise that this story that I first was read by lantern light was a metaphor for what was to happen in my own life.



  165.  #165R.N.AmazingME on December 14, 2012 at 3:43 am

    I have managed to chase off and close my heart and do some inner healing. I deserve to be happy and have learned so much from my past and dont regret it. It makes me who I am and am not angry just stronger and less ignorant. I am a respectable woman with class and carry myself regardless of my wrongdoings, I have a good heart and intention. My judgement needed work so I needed to re-evaluate my purpose and who I am. I realized I do not have to be in fear, it will be ok. One day at a time, life is too short to rush things. Embrace each experience to the best of my ability moment to moment. Letting go of anger and feeling like you have been done wrong in more ways than one. That lies deeper than one may think, it did for me anyways. Now that I am healing, in a happy place, stronger, and more mature with all my realtionships. These things helped me grow into a better woman how could I be mad. I am no less of a person because of my mistakes and or shortcomings. I am less than perfect and ok with that. I move towards a better me and great things to come. So no matter what ex has another woman now or married the next girl it is ok. How can I be mad at another person being happy. If its not meant to be there is someone better for me out there. Working on a better me, to find a better you to become a better us…Much Love Sirens!! Thank You for opening my eyes and being there for me while I heal!



  166.  #166R.N.AmazingME on December 14, 2012 at 3:52 am

    You are told to follow your heart but you have to listen to your mind. Sometimes we do things we don’t want to do to make life easier in our environment. God knows I have done this many times.In the end my heart was pulling me one way and my mind another. I chose to listen to my heart and it felt good at first but then my worst nightmare. My mind lived what I knew was coming. I tried to hold it together but that is impossible when you know what seemed so right turned all wrong. Afraid to turn around and lean on those who love you, well the ones that dont let you forget these times of heartache.



  167.  #167R.N.AmazingME on December 14, 2012 at 4:05 am

    It is okay because I finally am holding her telling her it is ok, my little girl. So scared of rejection and hurt she was lost and locked in a room all by herself in a safe place. Noone could get in, only I had the key. I found her, she was scared but I held her and told her it will be ok. Your so beautiful and so strong, you can do this, you can be whomever you want to be. I cradle my little girl in my arms as she has sleepless nights and a restless mind. She quiets down now and feels safe enough to close her eyes and finally be warm in the arms of safe love.No more locks, crawl before I walk, and listen to my heart, my agenda is easy I have none. I am not looking for love, if it finds me I will take it day by day. Trust me when I say there is no rush!



  168.  #168Daria on December 14, 2012 at 4:13 am

    Double Date w ma girl. It felt Heeella fun, hella exciting. I love me.

    How to be around fly people. Speaking fly language.



  169.  #169R.N.AmazingME on December 14, 2012 at 4:13 am

    Just letting go of some stuff dont mind me spamming!!



  170.  #170Daria on December 14, 2012 at 4:14 am

    Practicing tools ! Tip yip

    I like it when guys are dressed Hella ! Good.

    Immaculate.

    I liked his fancy watch



  171.  #171Daria on December 14, 2012 at 4:15 am

    He drove me home. I’m sprung.



  172.  #172Tam on December 14, 2012 at 4:17 am

    Oh how funny. Curly sent me an email this morning and it really has an angry vibe…presumably because I refused a date yet again as i already have a party…aw. Men. He sais ‘Too bad!! I was going to take you with me’….and he did the exact right thing, the old boy. He made me curious.
    There is a big boat parade here and I am going to a party and I assume he meant take me with him on the boat…haha…if I had known that, I’d have dropped everything. I drop anything for boating, but I don’t want to tell him that (yet). He seems a bit sensitive about women being more interested in his toys than in him…
    Oh bugger. I’d have loved to have gone boating.
    Nevermind, the party will be fab too.

    Interestinly, he also said he volunteered for the organisation that I am interested in…and which is what I did in the UK…so in fact he must have been truthful in saying that he studied the same degree as me, which is a total rarity down here, never heard of another one…very interesting. I feel curious.
    Let’s see if he gets over the rejection anger and comes back..hehe.

    In other news: Meeting chubby Austrian on Sunday maybe…

    I could do with one or two more CD;s preferably with boats. Yeah, yeah, I know….too picky.



  173.  #173Luzydel on December 14, 2012 at 4:35 am

    My dreams are getting weirder every time;

    I am relaxing about “D”, I admit I cannot be positive about something that isn’t tangible, but I shouldn’t be negative either; just like the song says just let it be.

    I fell like positive thinking is like trying to control as much a negative thinking is. I don’t know the future, I don’t know why people don’t call me, so just being “blank” works better for me – Put my thoughts into something else.

    “I don’t know”, how powerful and humbling is to say that…



  174.  #174Luzydel on December 14, 2012 at 4:43 am

    In my dream; again there were people I’ve dated, my ex-husband was driving and I was in the passenger side; he asked me if I ever consider getting back together… I said “I am not sure, I have changed so much, that I do not want to loose what I’ve become so far”

    then I wanted to apply for medical shool and when I took the test the questions were very weird…

    One question said ” how do you avoid being cynical about another person?” I started to wonder why that question was in that test, then I was at a coffee place and it was full of people and I was being accepted to Princeton medical school…lol Never thought of being a doctor.

    Then again I was in a classroom, taking a class and there was this middle eastern guy, I supposedly had a fling with (not in real life, but in the dream), and then there was another guy, and I dated all of them. I told a classmate, and she looked at me with judgment and I said, there is nothing wrong with kissing many men…

    Then I woke up lol…



  175.  #175Tam on December 14, 2012 at 4:47 am

    I am having a fab December without love.
    Actually, I feel excited about things to come. It feels great to have two seemingly quality men come into my life, intelligent and with substance, even if I am not attracted to them. It keeps my faith for what is out there. There are people like me out there…I wasn’t so sure.
    Two weeks on from the MrP episode, I hardly even think about him…absolutely zero pining…I feel glad to have been able to let 2 years go in 2 weeks….he helped by being a twat. Thank you for the trigger MrP.

    The rest of my life is still a little unordered and some source of stress, but right now I feel able to master anything because I don’t have man induced brainfog anymore and I also don’t ever want it again.
    I want to keep things simple.



  176.  #176Radlove on December 14, 2012 at 5:13 am

    Aminata,

    128 – Awww, that is a sweet video! Thanks for sharing!



  177.  #177Francesca on December 14, 2012 at 5:16 am

    I hardly ever think about my ex too, Tam. It’s been a month and 14 days.



  178.  #178Radlove on December 14, 2012 at 5:20 am

    ((( Sirenity )))

    161 162



  179.  #179Francesca on December 14, 2012 at 5:21 am

    I noticed I sort of felt envious and jealous of Sirens who are in a relationship for a few days.

    I kept wondering what was wrong with me that I haven’t been able to keep a relationship from working.

    Now I know that it just wasn’t just my fault and that it wasn’t meant to be and that it’s better this way.

    My Mr. Right is out there, I just need to be patient.



  180.  #180Tam on December 14, 2012 at 5:22 am

    Francesca, yay!!
    I did surprise myself though, because we had been hanging on for 8 months during the summer and all that and now just 2 weeks of being totally turned off did the trick. Wow.
    I feel sad still but only a teeny tiny bit every now and then, the rest of the time I think about myself and my adventures ๐Ÿ™‚



  181.  #181Tam on December 14, 2012 at 5:30 am

    I flipped it around Francesca….rather than waiting for MrRight, I have decided to have fun and enjoy being free and lapping up attention…once I am in a relationship, this will change, so now I just enjoy being single and mingling and so on.
    I actually enjoy being free and keeping my options open and making sure that when I next enter a relationship it is not based on chemistry or attraction only, but actually has a substance of respect and a man caring for me….and also for me especially this is important: similar values and interests.
    I know Rori says that the interests don’t matter, but for me they absolutely do, as I was stuck in a relationship with a man where we were opposites (I am outdoorsy and he is a TV and Computegames man). Oh boy. That was terrible for me as I saw my weekends slip away, wasted – and he always made out he had to stay indoors for the kids, when it would have done them some good to get out there and meet real people rather than watch TV and play games the whole day (and night).
    That was the main issue (as well as ex wife drama).
    I could never ever be with a man who is a couch potato and hasn’t got a similar level of intelligence. Meanwhile, I am happy alone and have changed my mindset. I am making friends…and whatever happens, happens.
    No urgency, no wish for my life to be different, no wish to have a ‘relationship for the holidays’ (it’s just a day…Jeepers).
    Took me a while to get there though.
    I feel free of expecting and forcing and whatever else.



  182.  #182Francesca on December 14, 2012 at 5:34 am

    Yay Tam!

    I don’t want to be CDing now anyway. Luzydel said something that I can relate to: winter is not a good time for CDing. You got that right! ๐Ÿ™‚

    In any case, I feel that I just need to take time for myself now, figure out what I really want. I’m even thinking that I should be moving. I feel that there are not enough suitable men for me in the region. I am not sure where I want to go, though. Got two places in mind: one is about 150 kms from here, the other one is down under!



  183.  #183Francesca on December 14, 2012 at 5:38 am

    Yes, substance. Totally need that too.

    And yeah, Xmas is just a day…to relax! lol!

    For me, it will be a well deserved rest because I know it’s going to be busy at work in the preceding days.



  184.  #184Femininewoman on December 14, 2012 at 6:00 am

    I have decided to have fun and enjoy being free and lapping up attentionโ€ฆ****once I am in a relationship, this will change,****

    Huh…………..watsup with that



  185.  #185Femininewoman on December 14, 2012 at 6:11 am

    Ruth truthfully I was and still am puzzled about why you felt ignored. I searched the thread for the comment that might have triggered it and I noticed that someone else indicated that they had searched the thread looking. That person had not found anything, neither did I. I am wondering if there was a misunderstanding or if the comment went into moderation and never came out.

    Did you include words such as “I need some help please”. I just never saw any post asking for anything specific.



  186.  #186Mercedes on December 14, 2012 at 6:15 am

    Ruth: I didn’t see your original comment on it but from above “A lot of the sex i had in the past was nothing to do with having fun
    I shall leave it there”

    I can say me too. Only I don’t refer to mine as sex because I was too young for that. I refer to it as sexual abuse and I don’t post much about it at all. To me, a blog is not healing for those experiences. Years of therapy were helpful but years of working with young girls/women who had been through similar situations was much, much more helpful than anything.

    Anyway…that’s just me but wanted to share with you that when it comes to your comment above, you are not alone.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  187.  #187ruth on December 14, 2012 at 6:18 am

    hello
    Re feeling ignored
    It wasnt just the one specific comment
    It seemed to be absolutely everything I “said”
    At the time it felt as though I was talking to myself, which wasnt quite what I wanted to do
    I aslo shared somr fairly personal stufff

    I dont *think* anything went into moderation



  188.  #188Femininewoman on December 14, 2012 at 6:18 am

    Been thinking about Dancing Siren. Is anyone in touch with her? Last I remember her posting I got a sense that she might be getting engaged soon.



  189.  #189Femininewoman on December 14, 2012 at 6:20 am

    Ruth all I can say is maybe it was worded in a way that struck me as someone asking for help. I apologize for my insensitivity.



  190.  #190Tam on December 14, 2012 at 6:21 am

    182..FW, when I wrote it I thought this might be misinterpreted..what I meant is I can experiment…I can get attention from many guys, kiss a few etc.

    When I am in a committed relationship I don’t do that.
    That’s all.

    I might still flirt with other men out and about, but I would not do stuff to undermine it. I have done and it never worked out well. When I have a relationship, I choose relationship. And that is something new too as I always kind of CD even while in a relationship but it took my focus off it and made me question my partner, because I might come across men that I thought had more of this or that. So for me, I have decided that for once, if I ever get into a committed relationship again, I will be in it with both feet.

    For now, I am enjoying being single and not having to stick my feet into anything. I can dip my toes…that feels like fun.

    I don’t believe in a relationship to fulfil me and another person to make me happy. They are just a bonus. I don’t need to chase it, it will come when the time is right – meanwhile I am just enjoying being single. And I am!!! Drama free, fun and being taken out, meeting men and talking to them, kissing them sometimes…and going home. ๐Ÿ™‚



  191.  #191ruth on December 14, 2012 at 6:21 am

    184
    Mercedes, I wasnt that young(early 20s)
    But i guess it was a form of self abuse in my case

    I feel very glad that you found a way through something that must have been so traumatic



  192.  #192ruth on December 14, 2012 at 6:23 am

    187
    FW

    Absolutely no need for apologies
    ๐Ÿ™‚



  193.  #193Tam on December 14, 2012 at 6:24 am

    It feels great not to be invested actually…not to worry ‘will he call, text, turn up’.



  194.  #194Mercedes on December 14, 2012 at 6:25 am

    Ruth: Thank you! It was horrible to be me as a child but I’m a survivor. ๐Ÿ™‚ I refuse to let men like that ruin my life so I moved on from it (sort of…it’s always with me but not so intense. Although I should never probably sit on a jury when a man has been accused of this…I probably couldn’t be very objective). I hope you have healed/are healing from your experience as well. It’s a long road and it will change a person forever, but…well…we can be strong despite our situations.

    My heart goes out to you…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  195.  #195ruth on December 14, 2012 at 6:28 am

    192
    Mercedes, you didnt have a choice at the time

    I did
    Not easy to come to terms but have *paid* for it a thousand times over

    As they say, that which doesnt kill you—-



  196.  #196ruth on December 14, 2012 at 6:31 am

    Your dates sound like lots of fun Tam
    ๐Ÿ™‚



  197.  #197Tam on December 14, 2012 at 6:32 am

    Ruth, ha, haven’t had one for a while..last one was Tue…but I have hope there will be more good ones.
    I am really wanting to manifest some boating…hehe.
    But going to an amazing boat parade party tomorrow..



  198.  #198Mercedes on December 14, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Awww….Ruth…I’ve made plenty of my own decisions in that area as well (possibly stemming from the abuse but who knows, I was an adult with a brain and made my choices which I now regret. No use trying to figure out where those choices came from…they just did).

    You really can come to terms with it and heal from it. You are correct, it is not easy to do, but you can. I know you can. I’ll even say the old cliche “If I can do it anyone can.”

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  199.  #199ruth on December 14, 2012 at 6:41 am

    196

    well, yeah Mercedes, Ive done/do some pretty stupid stuff
    If it wasnt s”x then it was food silliness, drink and/or exercise addiction

    The latter probably being the lesser of a few evils, but its all just stuffing things down for me.

    The most ironic thing was having to spend two months in a psychiatric unit.
    As a medical student, to learn, and not as a patient
    But the young women in there with their bulimis, self harm and multi impulsive behaviour were no different to me

    Almost amusing

    Anyway, guess its time to feel the feelings and start to take care of myself

    No one else is going to
    ๐Ÿ™‚



  200.  #200Femininewoman on December 14, 2012 at 6:42 am

    I hear you Mercedes but when I think of kids like Jessica Lundsford I don’t want to heal from my abuse. My inner witch swells up with power dreaming of the day when I lavish my wrath on such men by strangling them with my bare hands aaaahhhhh revenge would be sweet



  201.  #201ruth on December 14, 2012 at 6:42 am

    aaargh
    Moderation cos i used e**l again!

    well, yeah Mercedes, Ive done/do some pretty stupid stuff
    If it wasnt sโ€x then it was food silliness, drink and/or exercise addiction

    The latter probably being the lesser of a few ev*ls, but its all just stuffing things down for me.

    The most ironic thing was having to spend two months in a psychiatric unit.
    As a medical student, to learn, and not as a patient
    But the young women in there with their bulimia, self harm and multi impulsive behaviour were no different to me

    Almost amusing

    Anyway, guess its time to feel the feelings and start to take care of myself

    No one else is going to
    ๐Ÿ™‚



  202.  #202GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 6:45 am

    Happy 2 years to me and G!

    *glitter*

    ๐Ÿ™‚



  203.  #203ruth on December 14, 2012 at 6:46 am

    happy anniversary glitter stixy



  204.  #204Femininewoman on December 14, 2012 at 6:46 am

    You know Ruth you might be even carrying in your body some of the hurt those girls suffered, after being around them so long. Some energy healing or deep tissue massage could possibly help to release some stuff we are all carrying around.



  205.  #205Tam on December 14, 2012 at 6:47 am

    Ruth, Amen to that:

    ‘Anyway, guess its time to feel the feelings and start to take care of myself

    No one else is going to’

    That’s the bottom line. Life lesson. Took me 36 years to get there.



  206.  #206BAB/Rebekah on December 14, 2012 at 6:50 am

    I am so not putting in the effort I should be, I’m giving it my best half hearted efforts and I wonder why I feel frustrated that I still don’t see myself as really making any changes..
    So many questions come up thati get so distracted by them and loose feeling, I seem to be empty of emotion or something. I don’t feel as gushy as I think I should be.
    I love my empty feeling, it feels new, full of endless possibilities.



  207.  #207Tam on December 14, 2012 at 6:51 am

    199 Wow Glowstyx….wuhoo!!
    Congrats!



  208.  #208BAB/Rebekah on December 14, 2012 at 7:00 am

    GlowStix- Yayyy happy anniversary!! ๐Ÿ™‚



  209.  #209Femininewoman on December 14, 2012 at 7:07 am

    Our dreams can be filled with intuitive insights, breakthrough revelations, and valuable tools for us to live our best lives.

    Dreams offer us many clues to problem solving, dangers that lie ahead, and they often reflect the wise advice of our higher selves and intuition.
    http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=FphRF&m=IjdrRY.486Cpdz&b=HI1PeB5igkgfqmQOQYBLDw

    We spend almost ONE THIRD of our lives sleeping and dreaming. Yet how many of us actually sit down and think… “What do my DREAMS REALLY MEAN?”



  210.  #210Mercedes on December 14, 2012 at 7:12 am

    FW: Oh…I hear you on that one! I’ve healed ME so that I’m a survivor, not a victim. I have NOT healed the part of me that is explosively angry about it happening to me and to others and I have not healed to the point of forgiveness (although I don’t really harbor any feelings at all toward those men…mostly I just want them dead and it doesn’t matter how long it takes…I want them to meet their maker so he can care for the rest). But I have healed in the sense that I am strong enough to handle anything thrown my way, that I don’t use it as an excuse to do horrible things, I don’t cry about it (anymore) and I don’t (very often) dream about it (except in times of stress).

    So…I’ll never maybe totally heal but I am strong and it doesn’t stop me from being strong and having the life I desire.

    Ruth: Yeah…those feelings….ugh! And taking care of yourself…so important. It’s like the most important thing EVER as far as I’m concerned (not that I always practice that but I know as much as anyone that I should).

    Okay…I really have to be done with this subject on the blog…I don’t like talking about it this way.

    GlowStix: Congratulations!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  211.  #211Silver Moonbeam on December 14, 2012 at 7:20 am

    #160/161 Sirenity

    You sound a lot more positive, so glad Rori’s programme is helping you to feel excited. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Have you tried looking up this guy, that is sooo romantic awwwww? I’m sure I have written this somewhere before but I know 2 couples in their 50’s who were reunited with long ago lovers, one of whom is my good friend, she moved here from Australia and they are both going back to live there in March, in fact they are the couple I spoke about who want to live near your area when they get back and she sells her house. His parents wouldn’t tell her where he was when he went off to Uni when they were in their 20’s, and as she had moved to London and they lost touch until they found each other on Friends Reunited, the school friends site.



  212.  #212Silver Moonbeam on December 14, 2012 at 7:25 am

    #165 RN

    I felt very teary reading about your little girl locked in the room, I think my little girl is in the next room.



  213.  #213ruth on December 14, 2012 at 7:27 am

    202 FW

    I could definitely use a deep tissue massage anyway
    My poor legs are like bowstrings



  214.  #214GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 7:29 am

    I must remember to read back before I toss glitter on the conversation!

    (((sirens)))

    There are things I can not heal on the blog. Things I could not bring myself to speak of to another person. Not even a therapist. Sometimes I think, if I simply ignore those parts they won’t exist to me. Usually they don’t. Occasionally they do though. If I spend too much time on that, I spiral down…I don’t yet know how to touch those places and go up at the same time… ๐Ÿ™ Even within all this vagueness it exists in full colour, to me. Gotta move along.



  215.  #215Silver Moonbeam on December 14, 2012 at 7:34 am

    #198 Ruth

    Have you looked at the Inner Bonding thing? You can do the free 7 day course where you get an email every day which you have to reflect on, I only started it yesterday.

    I have a background of physical and emotional abuse though not sexual and these emails are starting to talk to me.

    http://www.innerbonding.com/



  216.  #216ruth on December 14, 2012 at 7:37 am

    that looks interesting SMB

    thank you



  217.  #217Heart on December 14, 2012 at 7:46 am

    feeling good…<3
    I feel an airy & calm
    I feel afraid…
    My inner child & inner teenager feel distrustful.
    they have a "there are razor blades hidden in the stuffed toys and dolls" type feeling…
    I feel protective and reassuring…and like saying "it's ok I'm here! I'll deal with the monsters…you two just have fun!"
    They still seem hesistant and like uuuuum.
    Awwwr….

    In other news I have butterflies in my stomach.



  218.  #218Tam on December 14, 2012 at 7:48 am

    Heart – Butterflies? Aw!



  219.  #219Linda on December 14, 2012 at 7:49 am

    163..4..5 AmazingRN….. wow. you letting go of stuff. I got similar stuff. Your post triggered tears here. I too have pulled back and taken a black and white honest assessment of my lifes journey. My father always said to follow your heart and not your head. I have found that the two have to be in harmony to do that. Kinda like balancing the boy and girl energy in me. Knowing what to label it has given me even a new ability to understand my own inner workings, which has been so helpful.

    I have come to understand myself.. but I can not say I always feel at peace. As for my past and decisions what I feel has been “done to me”….or I “did” …. looking at it honestly … I did the best I knew at the time and now that I know better.. I do better.

    You post touched me and I wanted you to know that there is a fellow co-journer out here… hugs to you and one for me too.



  220.  #220Ulii on December 14, 2012 at 7:50 am

    I feel so good.

    Yesterday MotoCD invited me to have dinner at his house. And — OMG it was so wonderful & romantic. The flat itself was great, with views to the ocean bay & ships in the little harbour.. And while it was a big storm outside, it felt even cosier inside.

    He had prepared a nice light small dinner which he finished while I was just sitting there and admiring the views on the evening baylights and listening to the music he had put on. He also lighted many-many candles and it almost felt like Christmas (as I remember only 1-2 candlelight dinners in my previous life, so the candles usually remind me of Christmas ๐Ÿ™‚ )

    Then we ate, drank some red wine and were just talking a bit and he was continuously caressing my hair and looking to me like I was the most wonderful thing on earth..:)… And he was worried all the time asking if I was missing something and went several times to the kitchen to bring more water or a napkin or a dessert to me and told me to just be still and relax (which I did..) ๐Ÿ™‚

    After finishing the food he pulled me up and asked if I liked dancing. I do! So we were dancing in the middle of his livingroom in the candlelight…That is something I only have seen in the movies so far. ๐Ÿ™‚

    From there we landed kissing on the couch a good while. Kissing and making out. But it was all light and I felt completely comfortable, safe & respected all the time (this is usually the stage the things get a bit out of hands for me).

    Suddenly I had a terrible head-ache attack. It is something that happens to me sometimes, and I recall it happening if I get same time emotionally & physically very excited. Itยดs like I almost feel sick and even can not move. Sometimes it lasts all night long or doesnยดt end before I really throw up or faint with the pain. Men in my life before have been afraid of it or taken it as rejection or maybe even accused me of faking it. But Moto CD was all calm although worried about me. He helped me lie down and held my head in his lap stroking my hair gently and pressing softly my temporal bone as it aliviates the pain a bit…It lasted long, like half an hour..and i felt my body slowly relaxing, the headache leaving and I almost fell asleep.

    Then was the moment he suggested we’d move to a bed. There was a guestroom, where I had already put my bag & stuff, so it had been clear I would sleep there. But now he was telling me I could share the bed with him as it was warmer, but that “I don’t have to worry” about him, meaning he wonยดt push for sex. So, previous me…would have gone into bed with him, although risking feeling bad after…And also I would have been afraid of making him feeling angry or rejected. I have been many time in these situations, where part of me wants to go in the bed with a man and itยดs almost never ever for “just sleeping holding eachother”…and I end up feeling somehow bad, because usually it gets to sex or half sex where I can not keep my boundaries, where I can not get a good sleep..and where I feel angry with myself & the man.

    So this time i agreed to go…but then went to the badthroom and was starting to feel bad about my decission. Knowing I needed a good rest to keep the headache under control, and feeling I want to wait and take it slowly with this cd, as I really like him…and I wasnยดt yet there to have sex with him. But in the same bed the hormones would probably take over. So I reconsidered. And decided to put myself first in this situation. Something very-very new to me. I just came out from the bathroom, went to him (he was already in his bed)..and said.. “Really, I donยดt wan’t to sleep in the same bed with you just yet. i do trust you and I really enjoy the kissing & making out this night, but now I need some good rest.” So, he looked a bit surprised, but immediately got up and prepared quickly the guestroom bed for me. Then hugged & kissed me good night and left saying, that I could go to him when I felt cold or needed anything.

    I stayed in y guestroom bed, had a good night sleep and most important, felt reallyreally good about myself in deciding what was best for me. And I could almost feel his respect for me increased and also the attraction.

    In the morning he was even more nice & affectionate to me than before…



  221.  #221Tam on December 14, 2012 at 7:53 am

    Wow, Ulii!!!!! Sounds great!!



  222.  #222GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 8:03 am

    ulii

    Fantastic! Lovely! You are amazing and inspiring ๐Ÿ™‚



  223.  #223GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Heart!

    Nice to see you, I have been thinking about you these past couple of days. How are things?



  224.  #224GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Ruth

    I want to say…

    Sometimes we just desire to be acknowledged. Maybe we don’t even know it until it doesn’t happen. And even though we don’t say “help!” a little “Hey, I see you!” would mean the world. I saw you say “It’s my own stuff” so many times, and I knew you just wanted someone to acknowledge that original post’s existance. To say “I get it” or even “I don’t get it?”.



  225.  #225Anais on December 14, 2012 at 8:20 am

    โ€œjust be open to a friendโ€. Yes it helps when first going on a date to just look at the man as “friend” rather than “potential future husband”.. The former mentality prevents my emotions from getting out of wack. Also being too attracted initially can totally distort our perception of the guy.

    Also in the previous thread, I saw Radlove’s posts about not online dating anymore.. I’m inclined to agree… I’ve tried online dating since 2005-ish, post-college… met most of my dates in my lifetime through online dating sites and other online media since they felt like the easiest options. And while I know some of those relationships didn’t work out as I was not informed as to how to embrace my feminine charms, I think it’s time for a change. I feel ready to try mainly interest groups next year. I’ve been to a few general singles meetups and haven’t met anyone for an actual date. but particular interest groups are something I have yet to visit



  226.  #226Silver Moonbeam on December 14, 2012 at 8:24 am

    #217 Uuli

    Wow that is an amazing post!!!!! Well done you Siren you. xxxx



  227.  #227GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Anais

    I hope you do stick around and allow us to watch the story unfold! You have good vibes, you look to be in a good, and open to learning place.



  228.  #228GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 8:28 am

    I like that anais’s decision to stop online dating comes from a positive place of “getting out there” and trying something new instead of the easy route. Online dating felt very easy for me too.



  229.  #229GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 8:28 am

    I like that anais’s decision to stop online dating comes from a positive place of “getting out there” and trying something new instead of the easy route. Online dating felt very easy for me too.



  230.  #230GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 8:29 am

    ooooooo my first double post! I feel as if I just saw a unicorn!



  231.  #231Starbright on December 14, 2012 at 8:31 am

    Ulli,
    Thanks so much for sharing your night with your cd! Wow I am super impressed! You are taking such great care of you. And wonderful to hear the affect it made in him too. Yeah you!!!



  232.  #232Mercedes on December 14, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Ulli: Your date sounds so beautiful! AMAZING!!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  233.  #233Anais on December 14, 2012 at 8:50 am

    GlowStix, Thank you for your support. ๐Ÿ™‚

    It feels easier for me to make conversation online as an icebreaker so that was part of the “ease” in it all. I have learned to love my shyness but I have over the course of just this year become far more comfortable talking to strangers and my social circle increased significantly without “trying too hard”. I have never met so many people in one year. It also feels good when you can just enter the room and see people notice you, just like Rori said it would happen.



  234.  #234ruth on December 14, 2012 at 8:52 am

    222 Glow stix
    yes
    exactly
    thank you
    You express yoursef so well



  235.  #235ruth on December 14, 2012 at 8:53 am

    and yes ulli, that is indeed awesome



  236.  #236BAB on December 14, 2012 at 8:58 am

    I blame those around me for the things iam lacking in. I throw anger towards my short comings. I feel no peace when I am not the best.



  237.  #237GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Anais

    I hear you on all of it! It feels really good to be able to speak more openly. It used to feel like my shyness and reservations and hesitations and nervous feelings ran me and closed me up. I still feel a lot of those things, yet now I am happy to feel them and acknowledge them and shower them with love and light.

    Getting noticed takes some getting used to, eh? ๐Ÿ˜‰ Ahhh it still gets my heart racing and turns my insides upside down, and I love it. I love that I can say I love it! lol ๐Ÿ™‚



  238.  #238Rebekah on December 14, 2012 at 9:03 am

    No motivation, blah
    I feel resentment towards this. I feel it’s wrong, negative not helpful.
    Negativity is painful, it feels heavy on my heart, dark in my mind.
    The dark is peaceful and quiet. Non demanding.
    This can be a good thing, I can feel positive about this. I love my feelings.



  239.  #239GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 9:04 am

    It used to be I could feel myself literally closing up. When I started to take notice…Tight, tense muscles all
    over. Rigid hands and fingers. Jaw snapped tightly shut. Even clenching sometimes. It is still a challenge to keep my face and hands relaxed and open.



  240.  #240Ulii on December 14, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Oh…thank you for cheering for me, ladies!!! Tam, GlowStix, SMB, Starbright, Mercedes & Ruth!!!! I love you all! ๐Ÿ™‚

    The thing is…I feel similar towards MotoCD like when I have been in love before in my life, but…there is a big difference. That I donยดt feel the urgency or the need to do something o “get him to be with me”, like used to be my ways before. I just can be here, sit down with my computer… while he has his company’s Christmas dinner this evening. Feeling my feelings and being with them. And I feel I like him so much and I miss to be in his armas again, but…It all feels still & peaceful & positive. And I could go out by myself tonight to a concert & feel great about that too.

    This is new to me. Feel good & trust I am loved, even if there is no person to reassure me in that constantly.



  241.  #241Ulii on December 14, 2012 at 9:24 am

    in his arms* ๐Ÿ™‚ sorry



  242.  #242GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 9:26 am

    ๐Ÿ™‚ Ulii, you are precious, and adored!

    I feel so warm and emo today. And smiley!



  243.  #243Iamabutterfly on December 14, 2012 at 9:30 am

    one of my biggest problems in the non-relationships I’ve had is NOT trusting my instincts.

    feeling so scared that I try to sabatoge, on a subconscious level, any hope at all.

    I’m stopping it!

    I totally did something that I feel like wouldn’t be recommended to me on here, by following my instincts, and I’m SO glad I did it.

    It was a Rockstar move, and it felt great.

    In the past, (even on here!) I will talk other people into believing that someone I KNOW has feelings for me into believing that they DON’T, just so I can talk myself out of what I KNOW to be true, because I am soooo scared of getting close to someone and letting someone get close to me.

    anyone else have similar experiences?



  244.  #244Silver Moonbeam on December 14, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Awwwwwww <3



  245.  #245Iamabutterfly on December 14, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Hi, Ruth! (Just wanted to say hi. That’s all.) ๐Ÿ™‚



  246.  #246Heart on December 14, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Hi Tam ๐Ÿ™‚

    Glowy Stix – ๐Ÿ™‚ Busy from work this week…Happy to hear you were thinking of me..Awwwwr Glooooooooowy! Will update soon.



  247.  #247Rebekah on December 14, 2012 at 9:36 am

    So iv noticed. When I try and initiate sex N will most of the time now, kinda laugh and push me away but still be affectionate and say “hay now, not right now” “later wink wink” etc. and I will almost instantly turn away from him smiling and sometimes I’ll laugh or say “umm Humm” but always I feel rejected and a flash goes through my brain and I hear myself saying, aww yeah sure we will later, that’s not gonna happen, you never fallow through or what have you.. And I try to remind myself not to do this but.. But I almost always feel this way, and sure enough it won’t happen, we won’t be intimate. So I’m wondering of this is directly attached to my inside shift that Rori always says guys FEEL even if we don’t think we are doing it.
    I can forgive myself for doing this and move on, but I still wonder about it.



  248.  #248Heart on December 14, 2012 at 9:37 am

    catching up on the blog…

    Ruth….ouch….

    Glowstix….((((Hugs ))))

    Tam -wow u feel different…



  249.  #249GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 9:51 am

    (((iama)))

    I have not experienced that myself…I’m sure others have. I feel intrigued by that though. It looks foreign to me.

    Yay for rockstar moves that feel great! ๐Ÿ™‚ Nothin’ wrong with that!

    I did one myself last night when I found out I wasn’t working.



  250.  #250Heart on December 14, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Ulii – sooo lovely



  251.  #251GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 9:52 am

    (((heart)))

    thanks for hugs! Yum, yay!

    I so rarely get embraced by brackets lol



  252.  #252Rori Raye on December 14, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Belle – did you write this? You’re AMAZING!! As a rape and beating (it was a stranger) survivor myself, I know the intensity of these feelings, and I know you can help SO many women with your evocative words. Love, Rori



  253.  #253Rori Raye on December 14, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Radiant, I respect your opinion – and that’s just what we’re spouting here – opinions. Yours come from your experience, and mine come from mine, and that of my clients.

    The question to ask is – “Is this opinion working for me? Am I getting the love and relationship I want by holding this opinion? Is this a helpful quality I want in my relationship, or is it holding me back to think this way?” I’m totally and completely practical. Love, Rori



  254.  #254GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 9:59 am

    (((bab)))

    I hear that. Mmm hmm I so very rarely initiate sex, and when I do, I have to be in exactly the right feeling place and the timing has to be just right. I see initiating sex as the biggest lean forward thing I can do. Putting myself way out there into the face of being turned down.



  255.  #255GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Radiant

    I suppose we would have to use our common sense as to whom we choose to turn ourselves on for. I have always had this ability, so I find it difficult to relate to the trigger, though I can see it in there.

    One thing I have noticed, having this ability feel natural to me, is that I don’t feel vulnerable to chemical attraction, though I have felt it, it did not take over my thoughts or actions. Nor have I ever had an imaginary relationship. I also benefit from feeling growing attraction, which is beautiful and opens my options up wide. I can see a huge benefit in cultivating this ability.



  256.  #256GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 10:21 am

    If a man doesn’t turn me off, i can very easily turn myself on to him if I choose to. And as time passes, so does the torch. I will no longer do it consciously because after a period of time it becomes within him to turn me on.



  257.  #257Iamabutterfly on December 14, 2012 at 10:24 am

    @249 Glowstix – Thanks. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I feel warm and heard.



  258.  #258Iamabutterfly on December 14, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Ulii, I feel in awe of you! you go, girl!



  259.  #259Mercedes on December 14, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Radiant: “The way I see it, attraction has a lot of factors.” – I agree 100%!! Also…the part about arranged marriages. I didn’t look at it that way when I read the article but very good points and something to really think I about…

    Iama: Do you want to share your rockstar move? I’d love to hear about it! ๐Ÿ™‚ I think most of the time you will get two thumbs up here for a move that you make without expectations and just…well…rockstar! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Rebekah: I initiate quite often in my relationship (not as often as J but still…quite often) and I think the key is what Dominique talks about…no expectations…just doing it because it feels right to you. But yes…we have to put ourselves in the same place the men do when they initiate and understand that “rejection” could come (although in my experience, rejection really does mean “not right now” but doesn’t mean “never”).

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  260.  #260Linda on December 14, 2012 at 10:38 am

    I have been reflecting on my conversation and interaction with FavoriteCD last night. I often find myself doing this… analyzing things. I dont think this is a good thing in total. I feel so good in this mans energy field, floaty and free. His words of compliment that range from my keeping of my home to my freckles and smile are like warm healing oil. My the man in my last relationship was so negative, unapproving and judgmental of everything. I wondered today if FavoriteCD is my man or is just one that has been sent to me to help me restore things that have been so depleted and empty. I often wonder how two men could be such complete opposites. One is so attracted to me the other so ambivilant. One arouses the woman in me the other made me wish he could see her.

    I dont want this man to be just a messenger and healer… I want him too. How do I navigate.. water and nurture this relationship and man without leading, rowing or pushing. I have already told him that I feel my thoughts drifting to him often which tells me that my attraction to him is becoming more than casual. Which I thought would send him packin…. instead he took a man type baby step toward me. He is not like any man I have ever met before and I am comparing him to the others which is causing me surprise and distress me at the same time.

    Maybe I have a belief that I will never get to claim a man like this one as my own and that is why I am looking for signs that is true so I wont be so hurt when he leaves. YEP that is it!

    NO… I am standing up here for me and my dreams. I am declaring that I can and will. I dont have the energy inside me to stand up and scream this, just a tiny little flame.

    I will just keep saying… I want this in my life. I want to feel like this in my life.. I will know what to say, how to act, and respond to this in my life.



  261.  #261Iamabutterfly on December 14, 2012 at 10:48 am

    I just…missed him.

    so I did the un-Siren thing and visited him at work.

    (luckily this isn’t too creepy of a move as I know several of his co-workers and have business where he works.)

    all I did was walk into his office and say hi and we talked.

    I shared my current disstressed emotions with him, and he gave me such good advice and me smile in the process.

    and I ended up leaving feeling so happy, and he seemed pretty happy too.

    He told me to “keep thinking about” the pep talk he gave me for the next couple weeks, while he’s out of town for the holidays.

    He is so. stinking. cute.

    and I feel like his helping me with stuff relieved some of the tension i had been feeling…

    He loves to help.
    I love letting him help, guide, and counsel me.

    He’s my hero. ๐Ÿ™‚



  262.  #262Daria on December 14, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Overnight, I got unsprung… I’m feeling just chill right now



  263.  #263Radiant Rising on December 14, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Rori I thank you for the reply but I also feel like I have to clarify. I never said you were not practical. I simply disagreed with you saying we can turn it on for anyone. I do agree that we never know and sometimes we should give people a chance. To answer your question in italics, I practice that always and have found myself madly attracted to those who I never would have guessed I would in a million years. So I do agree with your premise but forgive me, I did feel triggered and irritated by the overall tone that we can turn it on for anyone. That’s obviously my stuff not yours, but because you are the coach and teacher here I felt safe to just express it the way it came. I feel regretful that I did because I feel a bit invalidated by your response. Again my stuff. I am a work in progress. Some days are better than others, and this is merely my trigger to work so I may as well do it off the blog. Again, have a good one.



  264.  #264Radiant Rising on December 14, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Thank you,recedes. I feel validated. ๐Ÿ™‚ I better get off now. ๐Ÿ™‚ Too much distraction and a lot of work lol.



  265.  #265Femininewoman on December 14, 2012 at 10:58 am

    “Maybe I have a belief that I will never get to claim a man like this one as my own”

    I have always “said” it is the man who should do the claiming. Is that wrong?

    Now I am wondering if I only said that cerebrally but in my masculine energy have acted out claiming the man? hhhhmmmm



  266.  #266Daria on December 14, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Lama – i feel curious if you keep track of how much you initiate w guys. Walking into his office and saying Hi is hardcore initiating (not that it’s bad). But doing that lately – I’ve been experimenting – has got me feeling ‘imaginary relationshipish’ w the CDs I do it with, and it seems ti have drastically cut off their own initiating.

    I remember you were feeling concerned about the imaginary relationship, no initiating from the guys , so when I read about initiating that way, I instantly noticed it and wondered if it is a pattern that sets up that kind of dynamic, and making tweaks to stop would change that, making space to see who will initiate abd more clearly who won’t, and preventing some imaginary relationship feelings. I know for me not initiating in that fun,’ I’m ‘allowed to’ we’re close friends and humans way, was almost… Painful… But somehow it got me changing the men I attract to more n more into me and step up… And got me to touch my anxiety and feelings I didnt want to feel.



  267.  #267GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Mercedes

    On rejection…

    This really has me thinking. And, for me, if I initiate it’s because i’m feeling incredibly turned on. I end up not necessarily feeling rejected. More…Irritated, blocked, resigned. I experience a sharp turn towards anger when I feel sexually aroused and I know it’s impossible to aleviate. I can certainly “handle” those feelings when they pop up. Yet, I would rather minimize putting myself in the position for them to pop up. Once I released worry over initiating (meaning, I know now that I don’t *have* to initiate. Ever. If I don’t want to) I found I receive more than enough offers to be content, and I can pop up and take the reigns *occasionally*.

    In all open honesty…I no longer ask when I do initiate. I will, quite literally, pull his pants down and just put it in my mouth LOL Because if i’m initiating i’m turned on already and require no foreplay and I have thoroughly assessed the situation as a “good time” to do it.

    I have yet to be turned down doing it this way. :-p



  268.  #268Rebekah on December 14, 2012 at 11:12 am

    243-lama. I know what you are talking about,I do this a little differently maybe. I will work very hard to convince myself and others that someone is for lack of better words, bad or means something they don’t etc. not sure if its totally what you are talking about… Just thought I’d share.



  269.  #269Daria on December 14, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Oops llama I read your other post and maybe this was the thing you did that wasn’t recommending.

    I remember me noticing and writing to you about this behavior before though and I’d be interested to see what happens not if it’s stopped, but if its carefully tracked.

    For me that behavior brings me to addiction. It’s a Huge indicator of where I’m at, these subtle little patterns about a tiny detail as who initiates an interaction do si much for setting the vibe and the dybamnic. It’s all really in these details …

    Hmm. This is helping me really I want to track my lean forward interactions now. I really want to stop on them again, as I’ve gotten myself attached to CDs with it lately…



  270.  #270Femininewoman on December 14, 2012 at 11:14 am

    GlowStix – RE 267 reminds me of Rori’s voice in Reconnect saying what man wouldn’t want such a job. I find myself feeling frightened and internally resistant after reading the words thinking about it. I appreciate that each relationship is different.



  271.  #271Rebekah on December 14, 2012 at 11:15 am

    254-GlowStix.. Oh yes! It can feel rather frightening and often times takes me, giving myself a little pep talk before I do initiate. I know Dominique has said it’s ok for me to do since we have been a couple for so long, yet sometimes it feel SOOOO not worth it, no matter how grate sex feels..



  272.  #272Rebekah on December 14, 2012 at 11:20 am

    259- Mercedes! I love your response, I kinda put the rejection feeling of men in this area out of my head.. :/ I’m reminded how many times iv said, no not right now or no not like that what have you, and it could have been taken as rejection.. I feel sorry for my man to think about this.
    I do need to practice no expectations about this even if, he initiated and then stopped for whatever reason..
    I agree that it means not right now, but iv become conditioned to it meaning not at all tonight simply by that being the pattern most times, but I really need to let this go! I don’t feel it serves my mood..



  273.  #273Rebekah on December 14, 2012 at 11:25 am

    267- GlowStix..

    I used to do the same thing, not asking just doing. However when it got sticky between us with other woman and such. I would always be pushed away or snapped at as if I had done something horrible and even painful..
    It tore me apart inside to feel these things being directed at me. And now when I feel pushed away even a little, my heart feels that old pain..
    I know the pain is in the past and I need not fear it any longer, but I feel as if I don’t know how to heal it.



  274.  #274Daria on December 14, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Wow Sirenity – I feel so glad you mentioned that! I felt chills… That feels really important to me… I feel glad you mentioned it so it can heal now



  275.  #275Tam on December 14, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Urgh..now Curly picked up the ball again…but he is behaving like MrP now, asking to meet me in a bar downtown..he ‘would buy me drinks’…
    The weather is a bit rubbish here…so I said I didn’t know if I wanted to … bla bla.. and then he asked if he wanted me to be picked up…hmmm..hmmmm…I would like to go, but it sounds a bit weird – like a half date, or like MrP so eloquently put in ‘a meeting not a date’…ha ha.
    What to do.



  276.  #276Daria on December 14, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Yay Ulii ! Awesome boundary stuff!



  277.  #277Daria on December 14, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Tam – ask if it’s a date or just assume it is… ๐Ÿ™‚



  278.  #278Femininewoman on December 14, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Think fun and playful, be fun and playful then – “ask if itโ€™s a date or just assume it isโ€ฆ ๐Ÿ™‚ ” Take all the seriousness out of your vibe.



  279.  #279Daria on December 14, 2012 at 11:37 am

    The air feels so fresh today

    I feel excited to set this day on a great tone with not going to addictions …. Looking at the living brings around and connecting e that and supporting life w my energy



  280.  #280Ulii on December 14, 2012 at 11:41 am

    @ GlowStix, Heart, Iamabutterfly & Daria

    Thank you ladies! ๐Ÿ™‚ I feel so good reading your comments!



  281.  #281Ulii on December 14, 2012 at 11:43 am

    @ Tam

    I would assume it’s a date, like Daria says.



  282.  #282Rebekah on December 14, 2012 at 11:46 am

    278-femininewoman. I like this idea! Feels fun!



  283.  #283Iamabutterfly on December 14, 2012 at 11:50 am

    @269 Daria – Thanks for your thoughts. I think I get what you’re saying.

    I’m really just experimenting right now.

    In this particular instance, it made me feel better.

    Trying to only do stuff like that when I feel like I’ve “messed up” when he’s been the initiator.

    I feel so scared and angry they usually back off.

    I have a hard time speaking these feelings, when the guy is beaming at me and being so nice and all I want to do is scream at him asking him what he wants from me.

    Example:

    “you are so beautiful.”
    (I felt terrified. Panicky. angry. scared.)

    I’ve never actually told a man these feelings. I feel like they’re too strange and make no sense. but I can’t help but feel them in those moments, and feeling them is pretty important too, isn’t it?

    I should probably experiment with speaking them, huh?

    How would men react?

    “You look beautiful.”
    “Hearing that makes me feel shocked, scared, and angry. I feel embarassed because I don’t know why.”

    wonder what the different men would say?



  284.  #284Mercedes on December 14, 2012 at 11:53 am

    GlowStix: I never initiate by asking. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Neither does he though…

    Rebekah: Yup…it can be easy to forget to turn the tables sometimes. We know how it feels when we are rejected but we forget that it most likely feels very similar to him when we do the rejecting.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  285.  #285Rebekah on December 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    284- So so true! Ugh forgiveness to me.



  286.  #286Turquoise on December 14, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    My heart is just broken over the tragedy in Connecticut. I don’t understand how there can be so much evil in the world, especially directed at young children.

    I feel almost hopeless for our country.

    Going home to hug my children and be grateful they are ok.



  287.  #287Turquoise on December 14, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    I went into moderation for this….

    My heart is just broken over the tragedy in Connecticut. I donโ€™t understand how there can be so much ev il in the world, especially directed at young children.

    I feel almost hopeless for our country.

    Going home to hug my children and be grateful they are ok.



  288.  #288Rebekah on December 14, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    286- Couldn’t agree more Turquoise.. Sp sad and disheartening..



  289.  #289R.N.AmazingME on December 14, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    MY goodness…what a tregedy!..My heart hurts for the families and all who who are going through such a terrible time!



  290.  #290R.N.AmazingME on December 14, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    This makes me angry why are people acting like this, it is scary. Lots of ill people out there and you may never know it, JUST AWFUL TO HEAR.



  291.  #291Silver Moonbeam on December 14, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    OMG this is terrible news, I don’t watch the news very often (I wonder why?) such a sad, sad day, why oh why do they continue to do these terrible acts. ๐Ÿ™



  292.  #292R.N.AmazingME on December 14, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Heal the broken hearted..



  293.  #293Daria on December 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    I feel so embarassed about… Being abused

    Being called names, blamed or threatened,

    Being seen while that’s happening

    Humiliation

    I feel hot and tight in my mid thigh

    I love my hotness and tension

    I love the tightening in my tummy

    I love the tightening in my head

    And hands

    I feel so gnarled

    Hooh

    Feels good writing about this

    I feel embarassed

    I feel glad I’m no longer beating myself up for feeling paralyzed tongue tied and not knowing how to express myself in this situations

    I get ‘compliant’ and I ignore that I’m being spoken to rudely, I act like that’s not happening.

    Or like I’m doing a service for someone who has ‘issues’ do I’m the one who can say and put up w their abuse, but basically making it obvious thru my treatment of the situation that they have issues and I’m ‘patient and loving’ and tolerating.

    I want to stop all this. I want to heal this pattern.

    I feel scared.

    I really Don’t Know what to say outside this pattern.

    I feel curious if this ‘tolerance’ really Is the way to handle it, as it’s their issue not mine.

    My alternative reaction is to threaten back.

    Or to talk very monotonously and matter of factly.

    Kinda trying to ‘dominate, control’ the situation

    I really do want to heal this.

    I feel a blank a huge one on my head like a helmet thinking about scripting this.

    I feel angry now big anger

    That’s what I shut down in these situations

    Who that feels scary. I feel angry being talked to like that.

    I feel more scared, heart beating. I feel scared a fight will start.

    If it does, can I handle it?

    Technically, yes.

    Emotionally, it feels scary and devastating abd traumatizing… So Can I handle it?

    I dismiss the behavior of the other person by saying ‘ think how many times I must uncosciously do something to them that doesn’t feel good’

    That helps me feel ok/balanced tolerating.

    I don’t want to fo that anymore.

    Thank you Daria for noticing it!

    I’m feeling a bit amazed being in a place that I can actually observe this somewhat calmly.

    Thank you Daria

    Life loves me! This is healing!

    ‘whoa I’m feeling taken aback…! ‘

    ‘ I feel embarassed being spoken to that way’

    ‘and I don’t want to not hear you…’

    .

    I think my girls sometimes put me down, argue w me, or try to trigger me in front of men to show off that they’re cool, strong, dominant

    I judge them in my heads and endeavor to show by my ‘humility’ how wise and better I am.

    I want to heal this!

    I also feel pist off inside!

    I don’t feel good being called stupid, I don’t feel good being talked to abruptly, I don’t feel good being yelled at, I don’t feel good being threatened.

    I feel terrified and in a slow motion daze .., I feel too scared and at a loss for words to say that I feel angry or scared

    I feel embarassed to feel scared

    I feel sad

    I love my slow motion daze

    I want to heal this ..,, pleadingly

    For so long

    Desperately and numbly

    Oh it will feel so good when this is a non- issue for me!

    When I can share my feelings in the moment…

    I feel scared! I love my fear

    Thank you Daria



  294.  #294Ulii on December 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    I’m reading the news about it too. Feels just horrible. ๐Ÿ™ My heart goes out to the families of the victims.



  295.  #295Daria on December 14, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Interested cuz this is a milder and more manageable situation for me

    I feel really Begay please please

    Noooo I don’t want to closing nu eyes and hanging on to moms pants.

    Probably getting beaten

    Crying so helplessly then

    I love my lil girl

    I love my fear my brokenheartedness by numbness my helplessness

    I love my anger and my flatness

    I love my buffer

    I love my slow motion

    My tight Tummy

    My holding on do hard w all strength

    My off balance in my buttocks

    My fear

    I love my fear rolling in waves in me

    I love my deep huge wide hopeless sadness

    Ufff

    So sad this happens to me
    I feel powerless

    I love my powerlessness

    I feel spasmy

    I love my spasms

    I’m sorry for abusing you Daria

    I don’t want to do that

    I feel guilty

    I’m sorry for attacking you , intending to trigger you, fight with you, be better than you.

    Ouch

    I feel uncomfy

    I love my uncomfy ess

    That feels sooo uncomfortable

    I love my uncomfortableness



  296.  #296Daria on December 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    I feel a big sad puddle big like a pool



  297.  #297Daria on December 14, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    I love my big puddle sadness

    I kinda feel proud that I numb and cardboard harden and not get into the news people are talking about here. My face pinched. I wat to he’s this. I love my hardness. I want to heal my hardness.

    I feel scared and embarassed and like a larva without my hardness.

    People appreciate my hardness!

    I feel panicked.

    I ‘need’ my hardness?

    I have friendships built around mutual respect of hardness.

    I feel panicked

    I love my panick

    I feel breathe out. I love my breathe out.

    What of it’s not true abd that’s not wat the friendships are built around.

    I respect abd admire their hardness but wat if actually I’m just feeling tense scared and truggered.

    I love nu fears!

    Thais feels exciting!

    Yay D.

    I respect honesty abd self centeredness abd good boundaries and the communication of boundaries.

    That feels so string and exciting right now.

    I don’t feel good w abuse.

    Why fo these seem related… Just a perception

    I love my perceptions

    It’s really lack of boundaries somewhere triggering abuse elsewhere. Hmm

    I don’t ‘see’ it oh it’s some kinda trigger
    I feel panicked

    I love my panic

    Oh ooh

    I love my oh Wooh tight in my jaws
    Mug ugh

    I love my feelings and tightnesses

    I feel so weird and uncomfortable

    I love my weird abd uncomfortable feeling

    I feel yawn I love my yawn

    I feel spam I love my spasm

    I feel tight up the top of my spine

    Yawn I love my yawn my tightnesses my cheek twitch

    Thank you for feeling this for me Daria

    It feels like in going thru a pattern of feelings trauma sequence

    Thank you for healing this

    Yay

    Oh yeah life loves me

    I feel excited even tho I feel wide open around me and panicked I’ll be attacked

    Gahah



  298.  #298Daria on December 14, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    I feel smily

    I love my smile

    I felt hunched over and intense writing before

    I love my hunched over jntenseness



  299.  #299Daria on December 14, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    I love my spasms

    I love my lost face abd ‘faraway mind’ feeling

    I love my dead feeling

    I love my hlow, unattractive feeling. I love my I’m a rock, I’m emotionally dead and depressed feeling.

    I love my heart stirrings



  300.  #300Daria on December 14, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    I love my slow spurting sadness

    I love my big eyore

    I love my spasms

    I love my clogged kinked tightened hose



  301.  #301Daria on December 14, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Ok now CD is talking about the news…



  302.  #302Daria on December 14, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    I feel surprised



  303.  #303Tam on December 14, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    It’s a date, he’s picking me up and when I said that it would feel good he said that the pleasure is all his.
    He he he.
    There we are.
    Now the next trigger: spelling.
    I love a man that can spell, alas he can’t.
    Well, sometimes.
    He is just a CD and way too told for me so I will let that one slip.
    Actually HarleyCD turned up again also…he wanted to see me today too.
    Jeepers Creepers.



  304.  #304Daria on December 14, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    I feel clutched in my tummy

    I love my clutchedness



  305.  #305Iamabutterfly on December 14, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    hey, Turquoise, I’ve noticed the word “3vil” puts me in moderation every time…



  306.  #306Iamabutterfly on December 14, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Daria, I made him blush. To me, it was worth it… ๐Ÿ˜€



  307.  #307R.N.AmazingME on December 14, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    @219..Linda..Thank you it makes me feel good that you can understand where I am coming from. It is good that we can lean on eachother and relate that is for sure. Thank you for this blog Rori!!



  308.  #308Dominique on December 14, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    GlowStix – I’m chuckling over your post 267. If I did that to K, it would likely be a sure rejection unless we had already decided to go play. Another huge no no, touching his peepee when he’s asleep.

    Just a note to you and others about sexual rejection or initiating and being turned down, at first and maybe for awhile, when this happens this could really feel bad, like a blow to your sense of self, embarrassing, humiliating maybe.

    Yet the longer you are with your man and the more you get to know his moods and rhythms, the more you will come to own for yourself that this is NOT about you at all, like Mercedes said.

    He’s just not in the mood at that particular time, BUT you’ve planted the seed which will likely take root and sprout soon.

    xxoo



  309.  #309Dominique on December 14, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Rebekah – 271 – It gets easier, and you come to know yourself better, where you might be initiating too much so that the masculine/feminine energy dynamic gets disturbed. You will start to feel this, and it will feel bad.

    xxoo



  310.  #310Daria on December 14, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Lama – hmm to me, that’s not really a good thing…

    it makes me feel like i stepped into the male energy and he’s become (blushing) feminine energy, by default

    if u look at my post again im not saying to stop this intiating behavior. im saying track it. see how attached or not you get after it.

    for example here when you say — “i made him blush. to me that’s worth it ๐Ÿ™‚ ” — to me it indicates that you may be getting attached… getting warm feelings of connection, as well as compassion for him and desire to experience that connection again (which makes it easier to initiate again)

    i would also track – maybe with several men, not just one – how initiating in this simple way affects the amount of initiating from them i receive (for me, it drastically reduces it)

    hope this can be heard in a way that gives some clarity on – well how i personally – am tracking and observing my experiments,

    because to me reading about this reminds me of my own situations and patterns



  311.  #311Sirenity on December 14, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Thanks Daria. I feel heard. Also Radlove.

    I feel better having realised my feeling of guilt and weakness that I did not stand firm against my fathers wishes. Essentially he withdrew his affection, attention and care completely over the months I was engaged to this man. My father did a huge dummy spit in a totally passive aggressive silent withdrawal way.

    I was scared and unsupported and the man was far away. As it happened he came looking for me and was studying a higher degree in my country but I was in another country at that time. I had given up.

    SMB yes he is in yet another country now (California I believe!) and married for many years to the girl his family wanted for him that he told me he shared nothing with. I am sure they found a good kind of love. I would never contact him while he is married.

    If ever he isnt he could easily find me.



  312.  #312Daria on December 14, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    lamabutterfly – also ” Daria – i made him blush to me that was worth it”

    also gives me the impression of defensiveness… like you feel compelled to defend your choice and experiment…

    and i wonder how to avoid triggering that. the defensiveness may block from actually looking at what im saying for something that may be helpful

    i would be very excited to heal what triggers me to respond that way, explaining why a certain behavior is ‘worth it’ to me (another q is ‘worth what?” feelings? creation of addiction? etc)

    investigating the words my brain comes up with here (why did my brain say ‘worth it’? what is my brain referring to in the ‘it’ ? is there something im not looking at or a diff way to word this/see this?) helps me a lot to see whats under that thinking and get more tweaks that can help me



  313.  #313GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    270 FW

    I’m not sure what words you’re referring to?

    I picked that method myself because it’s a higly enjoyable activity for me to perform. Win win!

    Mercedes

    G nearly always asks out loud. Which is kind of odd because I have never said no, unless i’m sick or on my period. I am always happy to have sex. No matter what mood i’m in, I always feel better during/after sex.



  314.  #314Daria on December 14, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Sirenity – ” I am sure they found a good kind of love.” this feels triggering… i wonder why you felt compelled to add this or whats under that, it felt disturbing in its contradiction to the previous sentence and is somethign i woudl investigate in myself… what was under this that compelled me to write it



  315.  #315Daria on December 14, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    you could have easily said “i don’t know how their marriage is’

    or “their marriage probably sux”

    which both would have seemed more reasonable based on the previous sentence

    so to say “im sure they found a good kind of love” seems it has stuff under it motivating that thought, even if its just a habit of ‘wishing for the best for someone even if i dont know its true’, it still seems theres personal healing to be had under it

    even if its about not voting for self, or feeling compelled to smile while feeling pain, or hoping for good for self by wishing good for others… i would feel curious to see where that comes from for me and if theres anything i can heal



  316.  #316GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Dominique

    Thanks! We are all different, hey? I woke up out of sleep stroking G once and he thought it was pretty hilarious.

    And…Meh. When I hear “later” I think “I’m horny right now! Later doesn’t exist to me.” Sometimes I feel almost petulent and definitely immediate and urgent. I’ve tried shifting it, controlling it, stuffing it, speaking it. Releasing it and putting myself in that headspace as little as possible has been most productive.

    On the plus side I have been learning to ride out my arousal for hours, if I can alleviate it, and now see it as pleasant and amazingly juicy feeling. ๐Ÿ™‚



  317.  #317Daria on December 14, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    yay i had lost modern siren and commitment blueprint dvds, and now wrote rori’s support and have access online … woo hoo feeling excited to dive into siren for some fun !



  318.  #318Daria on December 14, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    vibe lifting!



  319.  #319Linda on December 14, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Feminewoman. I noticed your post about “claiming a man” that I assume was from my earlier post …. now that I read your thoughts…. it is causing me to consider my true internal attitudes about it. Something I was just not in tune to.

    My attitude feels very masculine energy. I am putting effort and work into it. Which too is feels very masculine energy. I do not believe that I will just run across or have a man just drop into my lap out of thin air. Again.. putting myself out there feels masculine energy too. hmmmm It is all on purpose and cerebral.

    I wonder if I did an internal shift and think of it as receiving “my man” it will help me not have this struggle inside with my feminine and masculine energies. I am gonna let this one settle in and see how it feels.

    Men do the claiming… but dont women really do the picking? I gotta get my heart around this one!



  320.  #320Daria on December 14, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    ‘men are not looking for security, financial stability, power, all those masculine energy stuff’ in a woman

    woo hooo

    ok men are not looking for power in me

    they are looking for softness and openess and warmth

    easy!

    and my power and stuff is for me!

    that feels scary!

    i love my fear



  321.  #321GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    PS. If I were in a situation where I could easily go take care of my own business, I don’t feel those things. When i’m in his home or have him over, I can’t just do that.



  322.  #322Daria on December 14, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Linda – what about receiving Men

    plural

    and the picking is saying “ok” to when one guy says he wants to kick all the other guys out, and he can do all their work and more

    (at least to a certain extent… he can’t kick them all completely out, but maybe keep them away from bed and household, lol”



  323.  #323Heart on December 14, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Gosh Daria…wow.



  324.  #324Daria on December 14, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    its like our gift giving back to him for all he’s doing and proving he can keep doing for us, to say ok to his question of if he can be getting rid of the other men



  325.  #325Dominique on December 14, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    GlowyGtix – I used to feel this way and still can sometimes, yet I discovered when I can be okay with, sink into the horniness, even enjoy this feeling, when it did happen, it all felt so amazing, the anticipation heightened feelings and response.

    xxoo



  326.  #326GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Linda

    If I may…

    Men do the claiming, we do the accepting, or declining. This is how I see it. And it feels good for me.



  327.  #327Daria on December 14, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Heart – ๐Ÿ™‚ that feels good… i feel soo intrigued what prompted your expression?



  328.  #328GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    324 Dominique

    Yes, exactly! That’s what i’ve been sinking into for a while. It’s much more pleasant ๐Ÿ™‚ Actually, it can be fantastic. Walking around feeling all sex-ual all day ๐Ÿ˜‰



  329.  #329GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    I also tend to have really great dreams when I fall asleep feeling that way.



  330.  #330Linda on December 14, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    307.. this post causes me to remember the relationship I had with a man. Our sexuality and stride was on the same page. Utter and complete peace and flowed like honey. I would fall asleep sometimes with my hand cupped upon him. He loved. I did too.

    I want the man in my relationship I have someday to let me be and encourage me to be who I am sexually ( and in other ways too)… Receive me and I receive him on all levels. What a beautiful dance that feels to me. mmmm



  331.  #331Daria on December 14, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    when i can express wheni dont feel good to my gfs without blame and just simply,

    they will feel relieved

    they will feel TRUST for me

    they wont get the impression that im getting into a dynamic w them where we’re tryhing to be better than each other

    they will feel free

    they will feel LOVEd probably! after the situation feels good again

    they will have an easy tiem healing and getting aware of their impulses to attack which throw off their lives

    ohhh i feel so tight in my heart i want this and i feel trembly like crying inside

    i feel afraid,

    i feel afraid i wont get it

    ohhhh

    i love my trembly fears and cryyy fears and fear fear close eyes avert eyes fear

    i LOVe my huge avert eyes fear ad slow motion no thoughts paralysis feeling



  332.  #332Radlove on December 14, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    GlowStix,

    202 – Happy Glitter Glow Shooting Stars Anniversary!!!



  333.  #333Linda on December 14, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Yes Sirens you are right. Yet another masculine energy pocket uncovered in me. It feels like finding another needle in the haystack of my life….

    I love the idea of receiving men…and I get to accept or decline. That feels wonderful to me too!

    ——

    One of my CD’s is picking me up for dinner and a movie tonight. He has already bought the tickets and made dinner reservations. It is easy to receive and be a girl with him. I like it !



  334.  #334Sirenity on December 14, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    I meant that comment literally. A mutual contact told me they had a good life and my internet search turned up some great family news items and family photo of him and his wife and kids (including famous son) .

    I am sure they really do have a good life and i was thrilled to see him looking happy given that he sent me a note prior to his marriage 26 years ago saying that he didnt feel for her what he felt for me, but like me , he was going with his families wishes.I am sure he has found some kind of happiness despite his misgivings on the eve of his marriage.

    Is that clearer with the full story?

    I truly feel glad to see him looking happy. Thats all I want for him.



  335.  #335Linda on December 14, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    More balance in my life… feels sooo good!

    Thanks Sirens!



  336.  #336Dominique on December 14, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    YAY Linda…

    xxoo



  337.  #337Daria on December 14, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    I just realized i want to practice having fun, loving, emotionally nourishing relationships with women!

    i can practice having this kind of relationship with new women and it will influence my relationships i already have…

    juts like practicing with new men helps me relate to the men who come from my past in a new way!

    yay!

    omg i feel thrilled hop around on one foot!



  338.  #338Dominique on December 14, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Glowystix – You want to hear a fun game? I used to do this a lot but rarely lately because K’s present job requires a long train commute which makes for a long day for him, so I ask first in the morning if it would okay.

    I get the bedroom all candle lit and warm and I wait for him to come home, giving myself ample time to “warm up” myself. Makes for incredible sex and huge orgasms.

    We did this the other day. So yummy.

    xxoo



  339.  #339Daria on December 14, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    im gonna get so good at this, in babysteps

    it feels scary

    it feels weird to ‘be nice’ to women i may have just met, the way i would to a deep and loved friend…

    i ‘juts dont do that’

    and its the same as opening up to new men i don’t yet feel attached to … i may not feel it yet and yet im practicing creating it

    omgosh this feels so exciting

    wonderful glimmer of insight thank you DARIA

    i feel excited

    i feel scared too

    ohhh!



  340.  #340Sirenity on December 14, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    And I will add that for any younger Sirens, who dont remember a world without instant connection, if we had email, cell phones, text and skype , things would likely have been very different .A simple call was extremely difficult to this place he was working.

    We could not communicate for long periods and that is very difficult , just waiting and hoping and praying for a letter to arrive . We did not know where each other was , no good night texts , no support. Just silence and a prayer that he was alright.

    It feels reassuring to remember these facts and not judge my younger self for the choices i made.



  341.  #341Iamabutterfly on December 14, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Hugs, Daria. Just being playful. Feels good to see you processing!



  342.  #342Daria on December 14, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Sirenity – “is that clearer with the full story?”

    is is clearer… as far as facts and context… the thing is, i wasnt really asking for clarity on that

    i wonder if its noticeable that you went for the ‘facts and context’ explanation and not for the ‘what triggered this particular expression for me personally and internally’ investigation

    ‘”I’m sure” they found a good kind of love’ is still different from “i heard they have a good family life and marriage”

    the “im sure” in itself sets it up, and then it continues to sound poetic, signaling me to look ‘where does this phrasing come from for me? a movie? sad story, an image i have with? a belief?”

    “I’m sure they found a good kind of love’ feels … romantic, and wistful, and sad, and more of “lost love” , pained forever, loss, sad look at the sea dn then turns away and walks away alone… tragic heroine to me

    im more interested in that, and healing that related to the ‘lost love’ theme

    for me i often find healing by observing the phrasing im compelled to use “im sure” for example

    when it’s colloquial, idiomatic, it usually turns out to be words i heard from someone else… words that come with a story, images and beliefs, and feelings…

    in other words a pattern

    i can often get aware of a pattern this way and shift it even by changing my words, from the idiomatic one that came from somewhere, to ones i am choosing specifically with awareness in the moment

    hope this feels interesting



  343.  #343Iamabutterfly on December 14, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    honestly, I think it’s a power thing to me. I feel more powerful when I make them blush than when they make me blush.

    when guys make me blush I feel weak, embarassed, not in control.

    when I make guys blush I feel powerful, attractive, and in control.

    that feels curious…



  344.  #344Heart on December 14, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Daria – your posts about Embarassment & Sadness….your such a poet sometimes.



  345.  #345Daria on December 14, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    i feel compelled to ‘do’ for NannyCD

    that is, ‘be nice’ to him

    returning his calls even without vm, even later than an hour after i see them

    and now to call him up and say Happy Birthday

    AND

    it turns me off to him

    i feel resentful like… ugh i have to Do for this dude again hes liike a giant baby, my giant baby i have to take care of in relationship, i have to be nice and coddle him and of course hed like to be acknowledged on his birthday and get a call, its only nice for him to get that,

    and it feels like such a turn off for me to him!

    so im gonna do it diff and not contact him, and wait till he contacts me, and then i may feel more turned on towards him seeing him as a masculine energy rather than someone i have to take care of

    yay cool

    i feel excited about this



  346.  #346Daria on December 14, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Thanks Heart ๐Ÿ™‚ i feel all soft n sticky honey breeze



  347.  #347Mercedes on December 14, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    If I don’t talk to anyone before Monday, I just wanted to say “Have a Wonderful Weekend Everyone!” ๐Ÿ™‚ Enjoy it!!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  348.  #348Tam on December 14, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    Oh, I just had a quick and impromptu Martini with a friend..afternoon Martini, how decadent…and now off with Curly in an hour…really looking forward to it.
    Life is good!



  349.  #349Luzydel on December 14, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    Gosh I’m afraid I may be preg I did my calendar wrong and I was ovulating when D was here…. Today I started feeling this right side pain and then the light spotting…. I’m 38 not a good age for this, I’m hoping I’m just pmsing we used protection mmm well most of the time ugh! I feel like an immature teenage girl!



  350.  #350Annie on December 14, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    Mercedes says.

    “No use trying to figure out where those choices came fromโ€ฆthey just did).”

    As I started waking up and being more aware I finally realized it came from my love imprint. When we first labeled love from our first experience. I had mixed up love and pain as many do.

    Orna and Mathew Walters speak of this.As does Rori crossroads of love I think Rori wrote about. And how until we become consciously aware of our unhealthy toxic subconscious faulty love imprint we cannot choose to have a healthy soul based conscious love.



  351.  #351Dominique on December 14, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    Annie – Yes indeed – 349 – You will not even recognize love if it was staring you in the face if whatever your association with love as a child did not resemble love at all, eg. anger.

    Even just being aware of this in you and knowing what your association(s) is/are changes the pattern in you.

    xxoo



  352.  #352GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Dominique

    Ooooo sounds fun!!! I Shall do this when I have him over at my place ๐Ÿ™‚

    Linda

    Sometimes I fall asleep cupping…I like that. It feels very intimate.



  353.  #353Tam on December 14, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    I feel like a lady tonight..very lady-like. I am wearing a grey dress that’s very figure hugging albeit a few years old, and some high heeled Mary-Jane type shoes which I had given to me by a friend today (she only wore them a couple of times).
    I feel so lucky to have friends who give me their fabulous clothes in this time of hardship for me…I am feeling so grateful of being picked up in a classic car. that’s rattling and spluttering and smelling like my childhood. I feel so grateful to be invited to a Mansion Boat Party tomorrow (‘oh nooo don’t bring a thing, all catered’)….I realise life can’t get any better than this.
    I am soaking it all up because the lows will come again for sure.
    Right now, life is perfect!!



  354.  #354Miss Bells on December 14, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    HS called this morning. The book I published for him just went live. I thought he wanted to congratulate me/us. But he wanted to bitch about a nutcracker I mistakenly took when I packed.
    Then he wanted me to help him download a copy of the book, but he doesn’t have the Kindle app downloaded. So–I should slog through the miserable process of walking him through downloading it, and him getting angry because it doesn’t work.
    I could have done it in about 30 seconds if I were in the same room.
    I said that the whole thing was making me feel awful, that maybe someone else, like the computer guy, would be a better helper.
    Then I said “GEEEEEZZZZ–‘Hey A–GREAT job–let’s celebrate!”

    Ooohhhhh says he–we could do that. How about tonight–you bring me the nutcracker and we can go to the Ace.”

    The Ace is our regular old Friday night hangout when we were living together.

    I said– I can’t decide now–maybe try me later.

    I haven’t heard from him yet–but I KNOW I DON’T want to drive to his place (depressing for me now) and then go “hang-out”. This doesn’t feel like a celebration to me. And—I’m tired. Very tired. And my room is full of unpacked boxes.

    I may say:
    I’m not feeling very energetic–I just want to head over to Graffiti and get a glass of wine. If you want to you can meet me there, otherwise I’m booked till Wednesday.

    OR

    I am so disappointed, but something came up–the next time I’m available is Wednesday–so maybe we can celebrate then…

    What do the sirens think?



  355.  #355Daria on December 14, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    oh… im feeling so disappointed or is it sad after talking to my mom



  356.  #356BAB on December 14, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    love 337-Dominique.. I want to do this. sounds delightful.

    308- Dominique. humm yes i dont think im physically doing it too much, but maybe in verbalizing it.
    I love sexual hidden innuendos and we have always flirted like this, but sometimes i think i do it more now then him, and i also say i WANT more then him now, maybe i am muddying the energy waters..



  357.  #357BAB on December 14, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    I can definitely see how helpful CD’ing can be if one is single, if i ever become single one day, i am going to CD the crap out of them men in my life. lol i feel giggly saying this, but i do believe and see the benefit of seeing whats out there, what you do and don’t like and learning from that..



  358.  #358BAB on December 14, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    I feel guilt over thinking about being single and how i would act.. I feel i would be judged by my family and even friends.
    this is a scary feeling, i feel almost excited at the idea of it..
    i love these feelings, i accept them. the child in me says yes lets do it, lets have some fun, but the grownup say, hey noww..
    humm i feel strange about this.



  359.  #359Miss Bells on December 14, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    The original went into moderation for reasons unknown.
    HS called this morning. The book I published for him just went live. I thought he wanted to congratulate me/us. But he wanted to complain about a nutcracker I mistakenly took when I packed.
    Then he wanted me to help him download a copy of the book, but he doesnโ€™t have the Kindle app downloaded. Soโ€“I should slog through the miserable process of walking him through downloading it, and him getting angry because it doesnโ€™t work.
    I could have done it in about 30 seconds if I were in the same room.
    I said that the whole thing was making me feel awful, that maybe someone else, like the computer guy, would be a better helper.
    Then I said โ€œGEEEEEZZZZโ€“โ€™Hey Aโ€“GREAT jobโ€“letโ€™s celebrate!โ€

    Ooohhhhh says heโ€“we could do that. How about tonightโ€“you bring me the nutcracker and we can go to the Ace.โ€

    The Ace is our regular old Friday night hangout when we were living together.

    I saidโ€“ I canโ€™t decide nowโ€“maybe try me later.

    I havenโ€™t heard from him yetโ€“but I KNOW I DONโ€™T want to drive to his place (depressing for me now) and then go โ€œhang-outโ€. This doesnโ€™t feel like a celebration to me. Andโ€”Iโ€™m tired. Very tired. And my room is full of unpacked boxes.

    I may say:
    Iโ€™m not feeling very energeticโ€“I just want to head over to Graffiti and get a glass of wine. If you want to you can meet me there, otherwise Iโ€™m booked till Wednesday.

    OR

    I am so disappointed, but something came upโ€“the next time Iโ€™m available is Wednesdayโ€“so maybe we can celebrate thenโ€ฆ

    What do the sirens think?



  360.  #360BAB on December 14, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    I ate dinner by myself tonight, it didnt feel good to wait for him any longer then i already have. I feel unsure about this feeling. This bitchy feeling. Superior feeling.

    It does not feel good to wait on a man who has not let me know how long he will be. I feel un-thought of, i feel forgotten, to be left hungry not knowing if i should wait 5 more mins or eat, because it will be hours before you are home.
    I feel secure in my decision to take care of my needs..
    I feel ok with these feelings.



  361.  #361BAB on December 14, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    I ate dinner by myself tonight, it didnt feel good to wait for him any longer then i already have. I feel unsure about this feeling. This b*%$#@ feeling. Superior feeling.

    It does not feel good to wait on a man who has not let me know how long he will be. I feel un-thought of, i feel forgotten, to be left hungry not knowing if i should wait 5 more mins or eat, because it will be hours before you are home.
    I feel secure in my decision to take care of my needs..
    I feel ok with these feelings.



  362.  #362BAB on December 14, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    Miss Bell. I like the first one, maybe tho the “im booked till Wednesday” feels harsh blamey to me.. But thats just me. I tend to be very polite even when disappointed lol



  363.  #363Daria on December 14, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    wow i was able to stay with me in my body

    i noticed i felt upset and wanted to withdraw when i started feeling not heard (i got interrupted and takled over)

    yay!

    then my mom talked for 20 min and i listened. i considered sharing about convo feeilng one sided and not feeling heard, and i feel excited to have been able to share that

    and i was able to listen!

    and feel my feelings

    and then also negotiated some things!

    yay!

    and i spoke my don’t wants

    i feel so disappointed and scared i won’t get the bed i want… i feel very trembly and sad and angry thinking i might have a bed coming i DONT want

    :/

    i feel …

    trembly

    i feel so solid of how well i was taking care of myself without ‘losing it’ or squelching me

    and saying “how interesting” to myself about my body sensations

    i feel really angry and tingly rite now!

    i feel smily and thrilled!

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    i feel relieved

    i feel powerful and stable

    i feel exccited!

    yay this feels like lots of babysteps were taken



  364.  #364Miss Bells on December 14, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    Bab– Not blamey.
    It is not impolite to say in an even and pleasant tone that you are unavailable, and to indicate when you might be available. That is one of the building blocks of conventional social manners.
    If I SCREECHED it, maybe.
    But, in fact I am truly booked after tonight till Wednesday.
    I am not sure how blame enters the picture, or why it would be rude to let him know I am unavailable for a few days, since it is actually true. And would be, even if my plan were to wash my hair and watch S*x in the City reruns.
    I am disappointed in the whole d*mn thing, not about any particular date, tonight or in the future.



  365.  #365Daria on December 14, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    and she didnt come in my room because she said she basically was respecting that i dont want that

    wow

    and it turns out that her insisting on putting the mattress back , was bec she didn’t feel good about having taken it out forcefually, so in intent it was like an apology (to me.. and i felt loved)

    awwww

    i feeel good!

    and i stood up for myself so well and firmly yet non blamingly

    yay ๐Ÿ™‚

    like when she tried to say that my room at my grandmas is “her room”

    i said i understand im yhounger than you and it was your room before mine, and its still my room also even if it superimposes with it being your room. it is also my room.

    ha! yes i feel good about not letting myself be erased and made non existent or unimportant

    ha

    im Daria, i Am part of this family, and i exist

    and im WONDERFUL!

    yipeee ๐Ÿ™‚



  366.  #366Miss Bells on December 14, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    He just canceled by email:
    Hi A:
    I won’t be celebrating until I get a check or two from my clients. I will head over to the Pub speakeasy to see if I can sit in tonight. We’ll talk more about the Kindle setup.
    HS

    He agreed to call. Shall I respond? I think not…



  367.  #367Daria on December 14, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    “Iโ€™m not feeling very energeticโ€“I just want to head over to Graffiti and get a glass of wine. It’d feel great to see you there… what do you think?”



  368.  #368BAB on December 14, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    No i didnt mean to say you were being blamey, thats just how i felt it. I am not good at stating what i want dont want, am doing am not doing.
    I apologize if you took it wrong. I feel i maybe misinterpreted your words.



  369.  #369BAB on December 14, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    I feel annoyed at this night, annoyed i cant lean forward, annoyed im in this predicament.

    I feel thankful for my time alone, thankful for a full warm belly, thankful that i have such a dedicated, hard working man.



  370.  #370Miss Bells on December 14, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    Babs–it’s all good.

    I am very good at stating don’t wants–not so much at some other FMs

    Daria–what do you think about the email cancel?



  371.  #371janie baby on December 14, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    I feel so sad and angry about the shooting!! Why would someone do something soo sick to little kids!? i can’t comprehend it. i feel horrible i feel soooo angry



  372.  #372Miss Bells on December 14, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    And— I REALLY don’t want to “talk later about the kindle set-up”



  373.  #373Belle on December 14, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    Rori
    Yes I wrote that post…it’s all me.
    I burst into tears when I read your comment, it was so unexpected to receive such a positive response. Thank you.



  374.  #374Tereana on December 14, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    I love this post! And I needed to read it, too – both for the possibility of becoming or “turning on” attraction for a guy I don’t necessarily feel attracted to at first. AND being awake and aware enough to notice when I’m being drawn to a guy JUST because of “chemical” attraction, and letting that lead me to believe that there is “something else” there. All while my gut knows, firmly and solidly, that there isn’t.

    But sometimes I just want “things.” I want attention! I get a little charge when there is “chemistry.” hmmm…maybe I don’t need to be afraid of this…I can play with it and have fun and – flirt!

    With guys. Even though I have no intention of taking it any further ; ) haha. That would be fun. That would be Rock Star. And that’s what I do when I’m feeling confident and happy with my life. I can do it again!



  375.  #375Tereana on December 14, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    Teehee! I let a spunky side out of myself yesterday : )

    I was on my way to work, and the construction guys next door had blocked off the sidewalk and a whole lane of traffic. I was late and didn’t want to cross the street and cross back, just to walk 30 feet. So I appealed to the guy who was standing there, monitoring the scene. He told me I couldn’t go through. So I walked outside the cones, in the street, even though there was plenty of space to walk inside them. Then I went inside the cones, and the guy got on my case, telling me I was “in a construction zone.”

    So I turned around and said, “leave me alone, I’m working!” all the rest of the construction guys were standing around in the parking lot, eating their mid-morning “lunch.” they all saw it. Lol. And I just walked though them, head held high.

    Later that day, on my way home, I was going to cross the street and a man came up and told me I could pass through the blocked out area. They were letting people through now : ) possibly because of me, but I don’t know. The guy at the corner recognized me and said “hi.” lol

    TODAY, I walked by, and the men were dismantling some scaffolding. One of them called out, “Lady passing!” they all stopped what they were doing, so they wouldn’t drop anything on me. Aw, so sweet and chivalrous. I’m a lady! ๐Ÿ™‚ teehee : )



  376.  #376Daria on December 14, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    ‘if you call him you are trying to distract yourself from the discomfort you are feeling (by him not calling you)’

    i did call and say happy birthday to Nanny CD

    i felt compelled to

    behind that was

    fear of beign judged as selfish and uncaring and taking advantage

    aha

    i feel scared to be painted that way with a Giving Man

    hence my fear to ask for stuff and to receive sometimes

    and i feel scared this man will give and then complain about it

    interetsing wow i feel tensed



  377.  #377Daria on December 14, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    im also saving my night for him i noticed, since its his bday

    hmmm

    he hasnt made confirmed plans w me … and i did plan on spending this nite w him

    i wonder if i should call him and check since men are asking me out for tonite…

    i dont want to feel like im ‘waiting’



  378.  #378Daria on December 14, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    Miss Bells – i feel “:)”

    what do YOu feel though?

    i don’t see that a response is required to it, so i’d check how i feel in the moment and if i wanted to respond



  379.  #379Daria on December 14, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    I feel confused contextually about why you don’t want to talk more about the Kindle set up



  380.  #380Miss Bells on December 14, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    377;
    Daria– he wants me to EXPLAIN to him in great detail how to do this techie thing that I am good at and he isn’t, and which always makes him impatient and angry. How fun is THAT?

    I feel cr@ppy doing all that boy stuff. He wants me to do it so he doesn’t have to PAY a guy…



  381.  #381Miss Bells on December 14, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    I am going to Graffiti by myself. It is cold in the house and I have been working overtime. I need to celebrate, even if he has chosen not to spend the evening of the day a project we have worked on together for two years, and that is for his benefit–with me.
    I am still spending it with me.
    I wish that someone who knows how important this is to me would be there, but I know that ain’t gonna happen.
    At least I will be warm.



  382.  #382Miss Bells on December 14, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    If I had been willing to CALL HIM and DRIVE to HIM, and PAY for my OWN DRINKS, he would be glad to keep me company I am sure.
    But I am not willing to do any of those things.



  383.  #383Mercedes on December 14, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    Best date night EVER! New restaurant. New wine. Great company. With my love.



  384.  #384Luzydel on December 14, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    I feel disconnection from the blog today, but I have been feeling disconnected from people lately…
    Talked to D today he’s tired and need some rest after working 2 jobs all week, so I decided to not say anything..

    Then another CD suddenly backed off; probably he met someone else, so he does not want to have first meet after all…Oh well again hanging on an edge with D lol…



  385.  #385Daria on December 14, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    “I am the wave, I am the ocean floor, I am the flow that embraces me, so that you can embrace your love for me”



  386.  #386Daria on December 14, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    that embraces Myself, so that You can embrace Your Love for Me.



  387.  #387Daria on December 14, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    these are teh greatest days of my life so far

    life loves me

    i feel so wise



  388.  #388Daria on December 14, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    Miss Bells – oh i get it! ouch… i wouldn’t want to do it if it doesn’t feel fun and i don’t want to do it… my little girl comes first. would you force your little daughter to do it?



  389.  #389Tereslyn on December 14, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    Hello, new to this blog and just started Rori’s book. Feel encouraged reading all the comments and look forward to changing my relationship. I am involved in a long distant relationship with someone and totally relate to the rubber band effect. I wonder if these tools can be useful and practiced via phone as that is the most contact we have . I see him about 1 a month for weekend. I really think I love him and think its worth tryin something new. Any advice re: phone scripts ?



  390.  #390sunshine on December 14, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    My ex just called..we broke up two weeks ago via text ( I know )..anyway he called to apologize about how everything ended. I feel angry that he called, I was already getting over it. I even went to a speed dating event last night. He told me he wanted to be friends and I said no. I said I still have feelings for him and that I feel really bad about everything. I told him I still think about him and my feelings for him haven’t changed. he said he didnt call about wanting to get together again because his schedule is so hectic. He said he just wanted to apologize about how everything ended. I said I respect what hes trying to do but that i feel bad and angry because if he doesnt want to get back together than him calling me is making it worse. I started crying a bit and then I said bye and hung up.Im not sure if I was a feeling siren, or a needy dramatic or both. I partly judge myself but then I dont im only human and Im trying to work through the emotions I have about this. I was really vulnerable in that relationship all so he would text hes sorry its not gonna work out hes too busy but can be a friend. i was already moving forward and then he called. I feel terrible right now



  391.  #391Daria on December 14, 2012 at 7:29 pm

    well NannyCD called and he just wants to spend his bday with me… go out dancing and a drink and maybe late dinner after…

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    aww that feels sweet

    NannyCD is like my defacto ‘boyfriend’ at this point

    it feels exciting to notice patterns of mine that i remember from previous longer term relationships, and to practice shifting them

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    yay!



  392.  #392Daria on December 14, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    one of them is feeling uncomfortable like im ‘cheating’ or not putting my boyfriend first hehehe or that im not ‘respecting him as a man’ by going out with other men

    go D go D i feel excited about my life that loves me ๐Ÿ™‚



  393.  #393sunshine on December 14, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    part of me was tempted to agree on friends so that I could make it easier to win him back. But then I remembered the toxic relationship I had with my last ex and the friendship I held on so tightly for so many years in the hope we would be something again. This memory is what makes me strong and refuse anything like this again.



  394.  #394Daria on December 14, 2012 at 7:32 pm

    sooo feeling like im gliding with my wings smoothly



  395.  #395Daria on December 14, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    sunshine – i feel glad reading you didn’t choose the same again. that must have felt hard to do. i respect and admire you.



  396.  #396Daria on December 14, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    i felt a soaring feeling of wow and looking upwards at someone with respect



  397.  #397Daria on December 14, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    i feel guilty that i burned my gf’s carpet like down thru three layers

    shes moving out soon

    i feel scared her landlord wont give her the full deposit and i’ll be blamed

    i feel surprised and appreciative that i didn’t get blamed or attacked when it first happened

    i felt safe and cared about when i wasn’t



  398.  #398Emerson on December 14, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    I feel so triggered right now… I feel judgmental toward myself to dwwl thia way but My mom is so careless sometimes and it drives me crazy. I feel so angry right now.



  399.  #399sunshine on December 14, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    Daria thanks so much I admire how in touch you are with your feelings. It means a lot to hear that you admire that from me. I felt so bad right now that he called I wanted to magically squeeze through his phone and make love after hearing his voice lol. I will move forward and find someone else. Even though it was a bit dramatic atleast i expressed my feelings. The old me would have been calm, cool, collected and pretended I didnt care at all from him. But, I have been really working on expressing my feelings both with therapy and Rori blog/ebook…I just dont want to go back to being bottled up- I developed ulcers that way before. Anyway if I was dramatic so be it, atleast I spoke up about how I felt and stuck to my guns about no friendship.



  400.  #400Emerson on December 14, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    By the way gingersky, vi and tam thanks for your sweet words to me yesterday it really helped ๐Ÿ™‚



  401.  #401Emerson on December 14, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    And Ruth how are you doing?



  402.  #402Daria on December 14, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    “I am uncaged, and my freedom sets you free to love me”



  403.  #403Daria on December 14, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    sunshine – you stuck to your guns *nodding* that looks like a big deal to me. i relate to the feeling of wanting to squeeze thru the phone to make love to him. ouch ๐Ÿ™ ugh ugh ugh

    180, let the soft breeze touch my raw heart and heal heal heal

    ufff



  404.  #404Iamabutterfly on December 14, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    just got my heart connection toolkit. Feel so excited. But too sleepy for it. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow! ๐Ÿ™‚



  405.  #405Daria on December 14, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    wow Rori did my hand tool in Modern Siren

    i feel surprised! i feel a bit “gasp omg” that i showed it to rori and its almost exactly like her tool

    ack! i feel embarassed

    i feel loved that she didn’t mention it

    i feel guilty that i might feel resentful in her stead

    pufffffff

    i feel embarassed!!!! uncomfortable

    i love my embarassment



  406.  #406Daria on December 14, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    my brother (god’sis babydaddy) is contacting me on fb and calling me and

    i feel triggered and ‘heavy’

    cuz i think my godsister won’t like it

    and i feel afraid of being abused by her

    and i want to feel safe connecting with my community friends and family

    i want to feel safe and comfortable connecting with my brothers in a community friend family way and feel trusted to respect boundaries of community (ie romantic and sexual boundaries)

    that would feel great

    thoughts: ‘thats asking a lot from a girl why should she be ok with it when its easier for her not to be. a dn why woudl she want you to be an integral important central even part of the community when she probably sees it as competing with her role in the community’

    ‘theres no way this will work out easily’

    ‘situations like this dont turn out good’

    ‘shes a jealous person and shes not gonna put you first and tolerate it’

    ‘how would she feel if you guys are chillin and all of a sudden the guy she’s in love with is calling YOU’

    I FEEL PANICKED AND GUILTY!

    more thoughts ‘but hes just my brother. she should understand the community norms. she knows im not gonna do anything’

    ‘well she just feels jealous of you and the easiest way to handle it is eliminate you, the threat’

    ‘she doesnt care about you enough to not do that’

    ‘its too hard for her to deal with this is too much of a trigger’

    ‘you wouldn’t be able to handle such a trigger either’

    ‘its hopeless’

    ‘the more i run away from connecting w my brother the more it seems he wants to connect w me’

    ‘why is he calling himself by his real name what if she hears him shed be triggered and suspicious’

    ‘she would hit you’

    pfff

    i feel so uncomfortable!

    i feel so excited that this is healing and life loves me… oh it will feel so great to feel safe solid and expansive and loved in my community !



  407.  #407LoveAlways on December 14, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    a woman told me i needed to be more of a b1tch because i get taken advantage of. yes i need boundaries, but nb1tch is not the answer. i feel more comfortable being a siren speaking my truths. i can stick to being a diva, but not a b1tch. i cant do it. ive progressed to far to go backwards



  408.  #408LoveAlways on December 14, 2012 at 8:58 pm

    CD song wants back in rotation with me. That feels like going backwards too, but if he can step up and lean in, I will give him a date. Right now he just wants me to have s3x with him and I don’t feel like that is the right thing. I’ve thought of a new lover, not an old one.



  409.  #409LoveAlways on December 14, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    I don’t feel confused. I feel vulnerable and soft. I feel open and exposed but safe here in my home. It is vulnerable, not weakness. I feel my backbone, my roots strong in the ground holding me. It’s just the unexpectedness of it all. Makes me feel vulnerable. The unknown. Being unsure, being so unsure. I don’t know what is in store. I’m just open and vulnerable.



  410.  #410LoveAlways on December 14, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    I feel alone, but not for long. I feel the energy of man in my future and it feels exciting. I don’t know how far away. I’ll keep cding until then. The question is do I take a lover now or later. I don’t know. Not knowing feels best. I don’t want to decide until I feel it



  411.  #411LoveAlways on December 14, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    (((((((Daria)))))))))) maybe think boundaries – what do you think?



  412.  #412LoveAlways on December 14, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    I feel loneliness but it is not strong. It is an old feeling that was triggered up today and I am embracing it, feeling it, living it for this moment so I can heal it



  413.  #413Tam on December 14, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    OMG. The unthinkable has happened.
    I feel like that girl in the movie ‘happy thank you more please’ (I think someone wrote about this also)…I saw it last week. Tonight, the molecules of Curly’s face rearranged themselves..ha ha ha.
    No, really. Apparently we were on an ‘inofficial date’, meaning we were going to socialise….and at the bar, there were lots of men we both know (also NoCD) and lots of women friends of Curlies (he has loads, all fake boobs, fake face and annoying – interrupting conversations). The men were all over me. At one point I had six of them around me. I noticed he tried to get my attention or move next to me (and annoyingly I also noticed that he was chatting with/chatting up other women..but never for long).
    During the evening and at the end, he kept saying ‘you are like a magnet’…several times. And that all his friends are congregating around me and want to talk to me (and it was true). And then…haha..in the car as he drove me home, he said: ‘Tam, you know, you are the prize’.
    And I had to concentrate so much not to start laughing out loud.
    The only thing he didn’t say was: ‘you are the yummy pie’. OMG!!!!!! Is he reading this blog???
    I can’t believe this.
    Too funny.
    Yeah, I like him now. But he has been single for a long time and has a lot of women friends that are annoying and even tried to push me out of the way tonight (Florida)…I just turned and spoke to other men….and had a great time…and he said ‘you are not like any of these women, you are so different’ – he he he. Well, peeps, they were so un-Sireny!!!! I could not top that!!
    And the other reason why I like him now is that he is so lovely. He asked for a little kiss and nothing more..and it really was just a little kiss, like a peck on the mouth. Aw. He is not at all pushy and just really sweet.
    Ok, time to put the focus back on myself!!
    I feel a little shocked that I can like a 60 year old in that way but hey. It’s all good. He is still just a friend…



  414.  #414LoveAlways on December 14, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    Loneliness feels heavy, so heavy but it’s a part of me. I have to feel it.



  415.  #415Heart on December 14, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    Miss Bells – Both messages sound a little fake…comes across like you Pretending to be hard to get.
    I would leave out the suggestion for Wednesday…Let him ask when your next available…



  416.  #416Heart on December 14, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    Tam – I’m starting to lose track…hehe…who’s Curly? I see u mentioning him but where did you meet this one?



  417.  #417Heart on December 14, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    ps – Suggesting Celebrating is leaning forward…It’s his job to ask you out



  418.  #418Heart on December 14, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    Above comment directed at Ms Bells..



  419.  #419GlowStix on December 14, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    Before I pass out cold. I want to feel accountable. I am going into “full on girl” mode. At least for the weekend. This rockstar goddess emotional pool of energy needs a REFILL! I feel energetically thin. The visual of fully leaned back and “I feel lazy…” is so appealing. I’m about to sit around doing nothing aside from being pretty for like 2 days. mmmmhmmm

    And i’m gonna do my nails. Bout time.



  420.  #420Indigo on December 15, 2012 at 1:22 am

    Sirenity 163 & 164

    I feel as you do about this movie – I adore it SO much. I love the love story too – I love the patience, the endurance of it, the faith even when there was no sign that things would turn out the way she wished.

    My favourite words come from this book/movie too:

    Ae u-esteli, esteliach nad. Estelio han, estelio veleth.

    It’s elvish and it means, if you trust nothing else, trust this, trust love.



  421.  #421Rori Raye on December 15, 2012 at 1:34 am

    Turquoise, love to you and to us all. Love, Rori



  422.  #422Rebecca on December 15, 2012 at 3:55 am

    Ruth

    Hello, I have often responded to other sirens in the past only to have my comment shot down. Or I my reaponse gets ignored which has happened to me quite a few times.

    So I rarely respond anymore.

    I don’t want to upset anybody and end up feeling bad myself.

    Hugs to you! Sorry you feel ignored…

    That mak



  423.  #423Tam on December 15, 2012 at 4:53 am

    Heart, I met him through another friend….a few times before, but he only asked me out on a date Tuesday…he got me tickets to an art show last weekend and from the day he realised that I was not dating our common friend, beginning of Dec., he has been making contact every day, asking me out pretty much every other day – but I have been busy and refused him a few times.
    I discounted him a little because he is 24 years older than me which is way outside my comfort zone. I also caught the whiff of a player but now see that he is just a long term bachelor who is outgoing and nice – so it doesn’t surprise me that he has a following of female friends. Oops, there he is texting, ha!!
    Anyhow, we will see.
    I feel pretty comfy with this one as he has read me perfectly and is not pushy or in a rush – or in fact commitment shy. Which makes him a big exception amongst the lot here…but 60….nearly 61. Crikey. He looks good for his age and is very boy-ish…still.
    We will see…



  424.  #424Tam on December 15, 2012 at 5:02 am

    I wonder what Rori would say to such a huge age difference. It doesn’t feel bad to me at the time, but when I think about it, it really creeps me out. My dad is younger than him. Even just dating seems odd and yesterday one of his female friends made a strange comment also..anyhow, no need to overthink this really.



  425.  #425Tam on December 15, 2012 at 5:10 am

    He invited me for breakfast with NoCD and his brother, who were there last night too….but I refused. Will let the boys have some gossip he he.
    No CD invited me to go shopping this afternoon, with him and brother…we will see if he remembers after they had breakfast..wondering if they will drop the competition. It’s all very exciting..



  426.  #426Vi on December 15, 2012 at 5:27 am

    I feel shut down and numb. I feel deeply moved. I feel safe. I feel guilty of feeling safe. Thank you.



  427.  #427Goddess Lily on December 15, 2012 at 5:52 am

    426 messages behind. Good morning everyone



  428.  #428Tam on December 15, 2012 at 6:52 am

    I just thought of a very comical thing. One of the crazy female friends of his, with fake boobs and fake face, was b*tching about all the young and beautiful women there. At one point in my life I’d have joined but I now know where this behaviour comes from so I just sat quietly and as she left I remarked that it doesn’t feel good to me to talk down other people even if I don’t approve of the way they look, and in this case in fact they were beautiful ladies so I had no reason to make any comments as to the opposite.
    This was to Curly. Suddenly the woman was back. And she realised I wouldn’t be game. So then she points to a flat chested lady in a very revealing top and says ‘oooh, with my breasts I could never wear this, they are too big.’ (fake melons actually)….and ‘for this kind of top one needs a flat chest’, then she turns to me and says: ‘ you could wear it’. And Curly had the look of ‘OMG’ on his face..haha..and he was quickly saying ‘you have the perfect body’…and I just said loudly ‘yes, I could wear a top like that and I feel so happy with my body, it has served me so well and I feel grateful about this. I wouldn’t want to change a thing’. Madame fake face and boobs didn’t have a come back for this one…he he he.
    Too funny. I mean, really.



  429.  #429Goddess Lily on December 15, 2012 at 6:56 am

    (I’m only up to #209)

    ((((Ruth)))) I read everybody’s messages, either I get overwhelmed by how many things I want to say and then can’t remember anything or I just have nothing productive to offer except a hug.

    Perfect video Aminata. We are the prize….like Joanna. Sometimes I wish I grew up in those days.

    Congrats GlowStix!!!

    And I hope my dreams have no real meaning. Lately I have been having horrible dreams. Being attacked by people, ghosts, monsters. And often. I prayed for these dreams to go away.



  430.  #430Tam on December 15, 2012 at 6:57 am

    I credit Rori with me staying so cool about all this, because there were a few arrows thrown my way yesterday by women. And yet, there I was surrounded by men, just quietly listening to what was going on and I had all this attention. And all the fakeness and the sceaming women were like annoying flies buzzing and nobody paid them any attention..ha ha!!!
    One guy even said ‘oh it’s such a pleasure to have met you, you are so different from this crowd… so relaxing to talk to you – do you have any sisters?’
    He he



  431.  #431Goddess Lily on December 15, 2012 at 7:15 am

    Linda – I just love your picture on here. Very feminine.

    I feel teary all of a sudden. I love our community here. Everyone is so wonderful.



  432.  #432Goddess Lily on December 15, 2012 at 7:17 am

    PlaneCD (the guy I met on a plane last year, poofed because he mother got sick, and now thinks he’s going to marry me) said I have the body of a goddess. That made me smile. Truth is, I have the body of a retired gymnast. Memories of the muscles that used to be ๐Ÿ™‚



  433.  #433Radlove on December 15, 2012 at 7:25 am

    Tam,

    424 – My Dad remarried a woman 13 years younger than him. He went into old age and needed her as a nurse aide, while she was still wishing she could go out and dance.

    God bless her for caring for him so well until he passed away about 8 years ago, but she told me in a loving way that it was really hard to go through.



  434.  #434Goddess Lily on December 15, 2012 at 7:29 am

    Tereana,

    I got just a vivid image of you strutting your stuff through the construction zone. It looked like a hair/makeup commercial, lol.



  435.  #435Tam on December 15, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Radlove, all the men I dated were 12-15 years older than me and I have no problem with that at all…BUT 24 years is another ball game altogether.
    Being older than my Dad is just creepy for me.



  436.  #436Tam on December 15, 2012 at 7:33 am

    actually, both of my long-term relationship guys were a couple of years younger than me, so it’s not as much of a pattern as it sounds in my last comment. Just how it happened.



  437.  #437Goddess Lily on December 15, 2012 at 7:38 am

    For those who feel ignored when they post or respond to someone and get nothing back. I understand this feeling. Early on I felt that way. I choose to think about it now as some sirens may read what we write and take it in and not need to respond, doesn’t mean they aren’t impacted positively. Or maybe they do what I do and I respond in my head and don’t realize I haven’t actually typed anything. I DO read EVERYBODY’S comments and I feel grateful and honored when ANYONE shares their experience.



  438.  #438Goddess Lily on December 15, 2012 at 7:41 am

    My new (and yet crappy) phone works in my favor as a siren. There’s a messaging app that creates a popup window when I get a text and I can respond in that window. HOWEVER, for no apparent reason and with no consistency, sometimes the message never goes through. just acts like I did nothing. ALSO, my phone now has a hard time sending some messages. The message just sits there trying to send and sometimes doesn’t for hours or days. This has worked in my favor because even though I wanted and chose to respond, the man on the other end gets nothing and I don’t even realize it until they send yet another message or call. My phone is a TRUE SIREN, lol.



  439.  #439Goddess Lily on December 15, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Regarding the actual topic of the post:

    I’m trying to be open to the concept of not worrying about attraction right away. And I have approached dates carefree and light and I felt good about that. The problem occurs when they try to kiss me and I’m not ready because I don’t have that attraction or I’m not ready to go there. PlaneCD had me kiss him on the cheek though. That was sweet.



  440.  #440Tam on December 15, 2012 at 7:48 am

    It feels so lovely to be treated so well and have so much fun, and not at all be invested and nothing physical going on…way to go. Totally different from usual and so much easier.



  441.  #441Frannie on December 15, 2012 at 7:53 am

    Good morning Sirens! I am in need of your help again. I’m feeling a little uneasy / unsure this morning. I’ve been seeing this guy who I really like. I’ve been using all of my feeling messages and it seems to be working. He has told me that he loves me and that he feels safe and comfortable with me.

    The problem is that he is a functioning alcoholic. Last night I tried to use my feeling messages to let him know that I want to be with him but that he needs to grow up (He tells me that he wants to be with me forever and have a baby with me – I already have a 2 1/2 year old son) if the relationship is truly going to go forward (which would feel good to me by the way). I am leaving for a family vacation next week, and said that he should take the time while I’m away to figure out what exactly he wants.

    Anyway, I feel like what I was trying to say came out all wrong, more like an ultimatum – which is not what I wanted. I definitely did not want to say “choose the partying or me”, but I feel like that is what it must have sounded like to him. He left this morning for work, and now I’m feeling uneasy, and unsure of things. I have no idea of if/when I will see him again.

    I know that I can not call or text him, that I need to lean back, but it feels really hard. I so want to text him and try and clarify my message from last night, but I feel like that might make things worse.

    Any suggestions for this siren who is feeling a bit heartbroken right now?



  442.  #442Dominique on December 15, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Rebekah – 356 – Check in how it feels to you. Does it feel good, or does it feel icky or off. This would be your indication of energy imbalance. As long as it feels good to you and as long as he seems into your innuendos etc. it’s all good.

    Try experimenting; Doing it less; doing it more. Gauge your feelings.

    xxoo



  443.  #443Shar lean way back on December 15, 2012 at 8:17 am

    Hi Frannie, I have been married to and around alcoholics. Many years ago I was going to al anon when I was married to my first husband. The much older women there told me to get out asap. I didn’t but I should have. I know it’s not what you want to hear but it was my experience. Even after he quit drinking for a few years he went back and it is a life long struggle for most. I would circular date and see what it’s like to experience men who are not on that path. I would circular date anyway even if he were not an alcoholic.



  444.  #444Dominique on December 15, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Frannie – Chances are you are fretting needlessly. Men don’t take things to heart so readily as we women tend to. They don’t tend to pick things apart and analyze them as we tend to. Likely he’s long since forgotten what you said if it even registered as a negative at all.

    Try to relax. Breathe.

    xxoo



  445.  #445Dominique on December 15, 2012 at 8:28 am

    That said, alcoholism can be insidious. If he truly is an alcoholic and is still drinking, then this is a red flag. Certainly something to watch out for, be aware of, and know you cannot change him. He has to want to for himself.

    So you need to decide if this is a deal breaker.

    xxoo



  446.  #446Frannie on December 15, 2012 at 8:43 am

    Dominique & Shar – Thank you so much for your comments.

    He is definitely an alcoholic. Originally he had told me that he only has a problem with Vodka, but that when he drinks beer he is fine. It sounded a little fishy to me, but I just accepted it.

    The truth is, he is fine when he drinks beer, he just drinks so much of it. I feel uncomfortable with the amount that he drinks. Maybe that is what I should have told him… I know that he needs to decide for himself what he wants to do (stop drinking or not), and I can not control him or the outcome. I just feel so helpless / powerless right now.

    Waiting for his call / text makes me feel crazy! I have some things to do around the house, so hopefully that will keep me occupied, and hopefully I will hear from him at some point today.

    Dominique, I liked what you said about fretting needlessly. I’m hoping that is true. I have been really practicing my feeling messages, I guess sometimes they just come out wrong.

    I feel so helpless and want to text him, but I know I need to lean way back right now. AHHH! I hope that I can make it through w/o contacting him.

    Thanks and Love to you all!
    Frannie



  447.  #447Shar lean way back on December 15, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Oh Frannie.. I know you must be young having such a small child. It is not an easy life and I know you love him. But wow if I had known the
    Rori way then and loved myself like I strive for now..I would have chosen the relationship I wanted and not a man. I would work on myself myself myself and find this love I now have for myself.



  448.  #448Miss Bells on December 15, 2012 at 9:12 am

    415/417
    Both messages are absolutely true, and from the heart. He won’t claim me OR let me go.
    He wants to impose friendship on me, on his terms only.

    And–He said many times we would celebrate when the book was done. It is way past the time for him to “ask me out”.

    Relationships have a trajectory and this one is five years on. It is not a new thing. But it always cycles back to the same thing and it isn’t what I want. I don’t know if anyone can understand how frustrating this is…



  449.  #449Miss Bells on December 15, 2012 at 9:13 am

    It’s different for us old folks–we don’t have time for BS!



  450.  #450Shar lean way back on December 15, 2012 at 9:19 am

    I have always been on this quest.. I read Norman Vincent Peal and self help books and spirtual books all along the way looking for ? And some talked about loving yourself and I knew I should but I never really knew how until I found Rori and her tools.



  451.  #451Smile on December 15, 2012 at 9:56 am

    I don’t feel at ease yet with dating more than 1 guy. I feel like I’m trying to push 2cd away. I feel the more dates we have the harder it will be. I feel scared to develop stuff with each cd incase I attract them all. Wow! I feel good recognising this fear.



  452.  #452Smile on December 15, 2012 at 10:03 am

    I can feel myself thinking into the future too much



  453.  #453Tam on December 15, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Smile, I know what you mean, sometimes it is not so easy to stay in the moment…



  454.  #454Tam on December 15, 2012 at 10:17 am

    A man, when he is really interested, will do the future thinking too. My exbf was always talking about the future and marriage. Even Curly is dropping the hints. I feel like saying ‘whoa, hold your horses gentlemen’ . But actually, I prefer it when they do the future thinking and I just do nothing. ๐Ÿ˜‰ easier said than done. But it is interesting how men think actually….sometimes I wonder whether they overthink more than us! I don’t think we are all that different in the end….and also CD ing various men is easy as long as one is not attracted to one…ha!!



  455.  #455Smile on December 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

    I can feel all my CDs doing future thinking. 2cd feels like he is trying to win me. Ambulance cd talked about what our perfect Sunday would look like together. They have both told me of places they want to take me in the future.



  456.  #456Smile on December 15, 2012 at 10:33 am

    Tam yes I feel like hold your horses gentlemen too! But then that feels a bit hood actually rather than having a man um and ar over you and elastic band



  457.  #457Smile on December 15, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Good not hood



  458.  #458Smile on December 15, 2012 at 10:35 am

    Ambulance cd spends more money than he has.
    Financial stability feels really important to me. I understand debt, I’ve been there but he seems frivolous.



  459.  #459Goddess Lily on December 15, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Smile,

    Keep doing what you are doing. I feel excited for you!



  460.  #460Daria on December 15, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Goddess Lily – there’s no ‘there yet’ needed for kissing. Can you let him kiss you? Sure you can!

    Unless he disgusts you so much that you feel ‘Ew’ just let the guy kiss you , you don’t kiss back, just melt for 3 seconds and see how you feel



  461.  #461Smile on December 15, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Thanks for the excitement and encouragement goddess lily!!!



  462.  #462Smile on December 15, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Kissing- I wasn’t attracted to 2nd but I let him kiss me. It felt nice. But he doesn’t this nose rub thing all over my face and I found myself thing when will this stop. I think if I was more attracted to him this intimacy might feel nice.



  463.  #463Daria on December 15, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Nanny CD is also future thinking

    The thing is, we haven’t been kissing.

    I think he may be a Christian doing an abstinence thing.

    Whenever we go out, all I hear is He’s bisexual he’s bisexual he’s bisexual watching his interactions.

    He even said ‘I’m bisexual’ last note, I think it was in the context of reincarnation tho…

    Even his friends seem bisexual, everything

    Pfffff

    I also feel a bit panicked I’m gona hurt his feelings if he proposes and I tell him I don’t feel were a good match to marry .

    This feels so strange!

    I’m considering talking to him that I get a strong vibe he’s bisexual and see what he says

    Oh I had a glimmer of a script last nite…



  464.  #464Daria on December 15, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Smile – when I find myself thinking ‘when will this stop’ I found it feels Waaay better to say ‘stop’ , any the earlier I say it when I notice the feeling, the more open I remain



  465.  #465Smile on December 15, 2012 at 10:46 am

    I’m super excited to go on a first date with cycle cd tomorrow.
    His messages feel wow to me. He said he doesn’t normally suggest food on a first date but he thinks were going to get on well. He said my positivity and gratitude sets me apart from a lot of girls. I feel like we have built connections already and I feel a little attracted to him from looking at photos. I like his vibe.



  466.  #466Smile on December 15, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Daria, yes, thank you. I did say I wanted to stop with the kissing a bit later on and managed to say I feel shy kissing lots in public. I feel glad I voiced this but I wish I had voiced my feelings about the nose rubbing. Im seeing him as practise to be more confident to say how I’m feeling.



  467.  #467Tam on December 15, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Smile agreed on the elastic band man. Future thinking by men sounds good compared to that….mind you, I did have to laugh out loud when Curly made a comment about having kids yesterday. Something along the lines of ‘it just never happened but guess it’s not too late, maybe I am a late bloomer’ (looks at me). I did feel slightly scared but also thought ‘wow, he has guts to say/think that when most men think about retiring and the grandchildren’. It is nice to date a man who seems open to anything though, I must say. I made the opposite experience with the men here.



  468.  #468Daria on December 15, 2012 at 10:57 am

    ‘I enjoyed your profile very much so, and feel I fit your specifications’

    Lol! ๐Ÿ™‚



  469.  #469Daria on December 15, 2012 at 10:58 am

    They are so cute!



  470.  #470Smile on December 15, 2012 at 11:00 am

    I’m imagining curly tams running round ๐Ÿ™‚
    It feels nice to hear a man talk openly like that.



  471.  #471Tam on December 15, 2012 at 11:01 am

    And yes, I now feel cured of elastic band men once and all. I now understand the ‘he doesn’t exist when he is not in front of you’.
    Totally.



  472.  #472Tam on December 15, 2012 at 11:05 am

    Hold your horses Smile! I am not feeling broody in the least. In fact, recently I have been thinking about that ‘Sex in the City’ moment when Samantha had sex with that old guy and she said all was great until….(and then he turned around to reveal a really saggy bum). For some reason I keep having this scene playing in my mind. I honestly can’t imagine going there. Ever!!!!!
    Ha!!



  473.  #473Smile on December 15, 2012 at 11:05 am

    I’ve pretty much forgotten about strummingman! His loss, I am the prize. I want a man who realises this!!!!



  474.  #474Tam on December 15, 2012 at 11:06 am

    He is skinny so I am not imagining good things…



  475.  #475Smile on December 15, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Ha ha tam, attraction can grow ๐Ÿ˜‰



  476.  #476Radlove on December 15, 2012 at 11:08 am

    Tam,

    435 – Me too. Fifteen years is my cut off line unless, unless he is way exceptional.



  477.  #477Tam on December 15, 2012 at 11:08 am

    I feel it will grow with the clothes on only in this case. Or maybe in complete darkness.. And then there are other things to worry about, like what else might or might not grow. The age, the age.
    I feel amused now.



  478.  #478Tam on December 15, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Smile, Iforgot about MrP also, not because of dating but because of his last communication. Total turn off.
    And yeah, I was told yesterday that I was a magnet and ‘the prize’, and I actually felt it also. I’ll have more of that please!!



  479.  #479Smile on December 15, 2012 at 11:17 am

    What was his last communication… Have I missed something? The last thread got too long!



  480.  #480Smile on December 15, 2012 at 11:18 am

    Ha, yes well age could be a problem in that department!!



  481.  #481Tam on December 15, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Smile, he comically texted me from a different number asking if there was a chance of hanky panky. I wrote back ‘wtf, who is this?’ and he said ‘mrp, go easy young buck’ .
    He was just trying to open communicatiin channels but I am not interested. He understood nothing and I lost my patience. Completely.



  482.  #482Silver Moonbeam on December 15, 2012 at 11:31 am

    Smile, maybe ambulanceman is trying to impress you, to win the prize. ๐Ÿ˜€



  483.  #483Smile on December 15, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Tam, I can’t believe he did that! I know you have told him your not interested in fwb.
    I can see how this is a turn off.



  484.  #484Smile on December 15, 2012 at 11:52 am

    SMB, yes I can see that actually you might be right. He totally like the finer things in life.

    He owns two houses with his wife (they are separated) which feels responsible to own a house. But he has shared openly about ‘raking up a bill’.



  485.  #485Tam on December 15, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Yep. and he knew. It felt like a provocation to me, like he wanted me to pounce angrily. I felt angry and also misunderstood, but also know that this is him. It’s also the part of him I hate. The obstinate inauthenticness. Done with that.



  486.  #486Smile on December 15, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Feels easier to move on!



  487.  #487Smile on December 15, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    2cd feels a bit suffocating. He’s being really sweet but a bit full on. He shared that he didn’t know how full on to be so I’m only responding to stuff that needs responding to when I feel ready.



  488.  #488Smile on December 15, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    He just texed… You know I like you x
    What on earth do I say to that lol…

    That feels nice to hear. Thank you.

    I dont want to say I like you too. I can feel my wall going up. Why?



  489.  #489Smile on December 15, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    I feel pressured to respond and I don’t know what to say. He is nice.

    I enjoy your company too…

    Hm my wall is wanting to keep open to other guys too…

    How do I keep open to all of them? I feel like I need to shut my options down to let one progress without feeling guilty



  490.  #490Smile on December 15, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    That feels nice to hear, thank you. I enjoy your company too.



  491.  #491Smile on December 15, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    “What limits an attraction to a good man who wants you is only fear of intimacy.”

    Rori this is soo relevant to me now.



  492.  #492Smile on December 15, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    What’s my truth…? Do I enjoy his company? Yes I do.



  493.  #493Smile on December 15, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Omg I feel suffocated! After he texed he likes me, I haven’t responded yet. I’m still processing. It’s only befn 5 mins. He’s texed again to ask if I’m okay!

    Now I want to say yes I’m fine, I feel rushed and suffocate to respond immediately.



  494.  #494Smile on December 15, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    I can sense his fear if I don’t respond that Im not interested.



  495.  #495Smile on December 15, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    I feel so brave. I sent this

    That feels nice to hear, thank you. I enjoy your company too. Yes I’m fine, I don’t want to feel rushed to respond ๐Ÿ™‚ x



  496.  #496Smile on December 15, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Eek! Wow I can’t believe I sent a fm like that.

    Another wow… Ex of 10 years just texed!! Not heard from him in ages!



  497.  #497Smile on December 15, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    I love my conversation with myself ๐Ÿ™‚



  498.  #498Smile on December 15, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    I feel like I was assertive in a soft way.



  499.  #499Smile on December 15, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    Urg now I feel harsh.



  500.  #500Daria on December 15, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    i like this Access Consciousnes… i feel shifts and emotions in my body saying it:

    it goes like all this “Are you willing to destroy and uncreate this? ” “Right Wrong Good bad all 9 Pod Poc Boys Shorts and Beyonds”

    heres some explanation of Beyonds that I notice myself experiencing and I felt excited to see it written:

    “The clearing statement continues with Beyonds. Beyonds is a feeling or sensation we get in our body which stops us dead in our tracks. Did you ever get a bill which was way more than you expected? For me it was a cell phone bill. When you get that bill, everything stops and solidifies in time, space, dimensions, and reality. Thatโ€™s a beyond. We have lots of areas in our life where we freeze up. Anytime you freeze up, thatโ€™s the beyond holding you captive. Thatโ€™s the difficulty with a beyond: it stops you from being present. All the beyonds creating the eternally beyond keeping you captive, can we destroy and uncreate all that now please? Right and wrong, good and bad, all 9, POD and POC, Shorts, Boys and Beyonds.

    The clearing statement does not have to be understood, it just has to be said to create the desired clearing effect. The clearing statement must be said at the end of the statement.”

    http://liz-green.com/2011/05/access-consciousness-clearing-statements-questions-becoming-totally-free-healthy-well/



  501.  #501Smile on December 15, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    I can’t push the right guy awY speaking my truth. The right guy will stick.



  502.  #502Tam on December 15, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Smile, pressure is a turn off for me not a sign of a good man that wants me. I was pressured into a relationship too soon. Now I pull back when it happens. I just realise how a good man does not put an ounce of pressure on and just lets me be myself. Aaah!!



  503.  #503Tam on December 15, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    I now trust my feelings, they were proven right often.



  504.  #504Smile on December 15, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    This isn’t about the right guy. This is about me.
    Feeling like I’m having a little melt down.



  505.  #505Tam on December 15, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Aw, Smile!! You are doing so well!!!



  506.  #506Tam on December 15, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    English CD put pressure on me like that and I dropped him. Best decision. No more drama.



  507.  #507Smile on December 15, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Thanks tam, yes, I don’t want to be pressured into a relationship too soon. Slow feels good for me. I got into relationships too easily in the past.



  508.  #508Daria on December 15, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Smile – way to work through your triggers about CDing! It feels exciting to read



  509.  #509Smile on December 15, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    I’m not sure I want to drop him yet. He’s good for practising being open.



  510.  #510Daria on December 15, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    I love Access Consciousness !!!! It’s feeling so good!



  511.  #511Smile on December 15, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    Thanks daria! ๎—



  512.  #512Goddess Lily on December 15, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    Smile, I don’t think you were harsh. You might’ve been harsh later had you not expressed yourself now.



  513.  #513Smile on December 15, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Goddess lily, yes I like the feeling of starting something from fresh, saying your truth right from the start. I’m feeling braver all the time.



  514.  #514Smile on December 15, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    I watched hope springs today on roris recommendation. Loved how sofly spoken she was in the film but looked out for her wants and needs. I learnt a lot.



  515.  #515Smile on December 15, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    ” you havenโ€™t lied to him about your feelings (youโ€™ve been truthfully Feeling Messaging all along), “



  516.  #516Tam on December 15, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    I am feeling grateful that after all my mixed CD experiences, I seem to have one in my rotation who is self confident and not in a rush and totally secure…even said that he realises I am a little reserved but that he likes it. All the while being surrounded by beautiful women trying to push themselves on him.
    Comparing that with English CD and my Ex, both were making me feel engulfed with their neediness to be told all the time how wonderful they are and that I like them. Interestingly, I believe that this was the reason for Ex poofing this time….he was waiting for me to tell him that I love him..and he again hinted at that. I feel so profoundly turned off at that, like as if I am responsible for fulfilling his needs.
    He even told me that he wanted someone to cuddle and wake up with. ‘Someone’. Yikes.
    Someone who builds up his ego and tells him she loves him when he needs it, not when she feels it.
    And NOW I see that I was right to pull back and not succumb to saying things I did not feel.
    I feel so happy for having this experience now.
    Even if that is the only message Curly brought to me, it is very loud and clear: it is not my responsibility to look after a man’s feelings.
    It is my responibility to look after my own, be open and myself and honest – and the miracle happens. What happens is that 90% of them fall by the wayside…and they are the ones I don’t want anyway.
    Hallelujah.



  517.  #517Daria on December 15, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    not good feeling cd experience

    i feel excited to feel through all these feelings decompressing from it



  518.  #518Femininewoman on December 15, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Smile I would also maybe next time be prepared to say “I am okay thank you and I also notice myself feeling rushed and suffocated. When I feel like that I slow myself down and breathe until I feel more relaxed.”



  519.  #519Daria on December 15, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    whats that feeling when the music goes eeeh eeeh eeeh three times

    like the ominous oha oha oah oah then EEE EEE EEE!

    when the character sees the shocking stuff

    horror?

    i felt horrified when i got the impression he didn’t want to smoke and chill with me

    yay thanks for writing that Daria

    that felt so weird

    i feel numb in my mouth

    i felt SCARED schoked weird! when i felt that

    i felt soo sad and icky and uncomfortable!

    i love my feelings

    i feel so excited to notice this!