Intensity Can Be Passionate And Exciting To A Man – Or It Can Feel Draining To Him – Which Kind of “Intense” Are YOU?

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Okay, so what’s the difference between intense passion and intense draining?

What’s the difference between passion and excitement – or even powerful feelings like rage, terror and grief – and the intensity that causes tension, draining and causes a man to disappear?

When you’re intense in a draining way – you’re not letting any of your real self out. Instead of allowing your inner light to shine – even a bit, so that it can warm a man who gets close to you, it’s as though the only light you have is what you can borrow from HIM.

He not only feels “depended upon” in an emotional sense – as if you need him to be happy – he feels depended upon in a “survival” sense – as if you need him to LIVE.

And that’s pretty scary for a man – for most of us, actually.

Most of us can’t stand the feeling of being “helpless.”

And so when we’re sad and confused, we don’t want to be putting that out.

We don’t want to be the “sad and confused person.” We TALK about our sadness and confusion, anyway, with our friends, but even when we talk about it, mostly we cover up the deeper feelings with DEPRESSION, a kind of general ABSENCE of feeling. And when we do it ALL THE TIME, it’s like our light goes out. The only time we can let down is when we’re alone, and even then it’s hard – because it’s so frightening to allow our sadness and confusion to come to the surface.

And the worst part about it is – keeping all that stuff covered up gives us the ILLUSION that we’re okay. We keep putting one foot in front of the other. And so we work hard AGAINST ourselves. If we’re convinced we’re “okay,” we often don’t get the help we need because we don’t want to change. Not really. Because changing would mean taking off the covers and looking at the pain and sadness and confusion that’s really underneath.

So – here’s your next step: If you notice someone leaning away from you, lean back. If they stay leaning away, take a look at the intensity of what you’re feeling. Go into the bathroom wherever you are and be alone with yourself for a moment.

Now, ask yourself what you’re feeling. See if it’s anger – that’s usually the most common emotion that triggers depression, covering up – and that kind of “intensity” that drains other people.

If you discover some anger, stomp it out in the bathroom, or use any of my Tools to get into the feeling, feel it completely, and then walk yourself out into a better-feeling place (my Reconnect Your Relationship program has the great “Take Yourself Through The Tunnel” Tool).

Next, we’ll talk about how “Resistance” makes you feel depressed – and how that raises your “tension” and pushes men away…

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