Easy Emo-Trance To Unstick Yourself

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So glad to hear you’re trying this…and here’s an easy way to do Emo-Trance the way I teach my clients…

Let’s say you notice you’re feeling tense, sad, upset…anything.

1. Put your hand on the spot where you feel the tension and emotion most.

2. Imagine this:  The tension, the pain is stuck energy.  it’s just all balled up like a crazy, tangled ball of yarn, and it can’t move through your body.

It WANTS to get out of your body.  It wants to come undone and spread out and simply float out through your skin.  It’s just all balled up…

3. Let your hand be warm, let your hand be soft, let the energy from your hand soften the balled up energy, let it slowly soften it until it starts to glide undone.

4. Now imagine all these strands of the ball as light, bright, golden, sparkly, or white light – as energy – and imagine these strands want to get out of your body.

5.  Allow the strands to float through your body in the direction THEY want to go (do not guide them – let them guide themselves) – and imagine them flying or wafting or floating out of your body, wherever they want to leave from – your head, arms, stomach, heart, feet…

Feel them leave your body.

6. Breathe.

Imagine new energy coming into your body from the ground, from the center of the earth, coming up through your body, floating through your body, and leaving your body, without getting balled up…

Imagine movement of these strands of energy through your body, slowly, softly.  Nothing stuck.

Do this simply wherever you feel the stuckness.

This is only one of many energy kinds of work – EFT, Quantum Tracking…so many fun and lovely techniques…we can talk about them all…for now – when you feel stuck, just put your loving, warm hand on the stuck spot and let it help the stuck spot glide open.

Let me know how this works for you…

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Samat on February 24, 2009 at 3:18 am

    I have a feeling that this is not going to work when I am really really upset and feel like something needs to be done. Is there another way when you dont have to imagine energy stuff 🙁

  2.  #2Samat on February 24, 2009 at 3:22 am

    I have a problem with energy stuff, I dont believe we have an energy centre and we can move chakra around and all those ideas. I feel as if I have to imagine a lot and its not realistic and Im not getting used to it. Maybe this means a different kind of energy and not that which comes out of respiration. I feel I would welcome comments that can change my mind. Maybe its all a metaphor and idea. I just want to feel healed and happy.

  3.  #3Katja on February 24, 2009 at 8:39 am

    Samat-how about this: When you feel really upset and angry, so angry you want to throw something against a wall or hit something-if you would follow through and really throw something against a wall you would feel the energy being released afterwards. (I am sure all of us experienced something similar to this before.) I hope you understand what I mean. The energy is bundled on one point and needs to be released somehow. Maybe you can feel it into your head when you are really angry or into your stomach when you are really sad (at least thats what I feel). I am sure you can relate to this even when you are not believing in the “energy stuff”. 🙂

  4.  #4Reshi on February 24, 2009 at 9:47 am

    TMI warning

    I love this emotrance thing. I had a feeling it would be just right for that ball of depression that I often get in my head. Well, I tried this just now because I was feeling it, and that ball uncoiled itself into a snake and just calmly slithered on down my body like it was going down the stairs, then exited through somewhere unmentionable…lol! I tried to turn it into strands of white light but it seemed to really want to be a snake…either way, it left, and I felt peaceful.

  5.  #5heartbeat on February 24, 2009 at 10:59 am

    I love this post – I’ll use it myself and also share it with others. I feel excited (again lol!).

  6.  #6Daria on February 24, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    Yay you guys. I have been trying to do this Emo-trance thing on my own for so long. I have a few of the manuals and stuff, I’m so glad I can talk to you about it.

    Sometimes I can get the feeling (Samat if you don’t like the metaphor “energy” then perhaps it may help to think of it as a feeling the way Rori shows us to feel it in our body) to melt away, but I feel like I concentrate too hard and it comes up somewhere else, I don’t often get to feel it actually come out of my body. Like Reshi did. that’s awesome Reshi, I feel a little bit jealous.

  7.  #7Reshi on February 24, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    You feel jealous even though it came out my bootyhole? LOL. (Sorry ladies)

    <3 Daria.

  8.  #8Daria on February 24, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    Yes OMG REshi you said the word ! Bootyhole!! That word that was making me cringe!!! aAAh I feel so safe now!!!! aaah I still feel red face and twitching eyebrow even reading it my post… it feels totally ok reading it in your post though… so werid… I feel super big smile and red face and laughing!!!

  9.  #9heartbeat on February 24, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    LMAO!!!! 🙂 just nipped on before bedtime. It feels like a whole lotta fun on here (pardon pun). I’ll never say ‘my little pearl in a clamshell’ again!

    Daria I felt impressed by your telephone answering in a previous post – brilliant! Flirty and open. It felt very confident and warm and soft to me.

    Night night all! XXXXXX

  10.  #10Bethany on February 24, 2009 at 10:04 pm

    Read this tonight in my book “The Sedona Method,” by Hale Dwoskin, I felt zingy when I read it: “An awesome power is unleashed when people gather together to focus on freedom.” yay!

  11.  #11Daria on February 24, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    I feel burdened. One of my ex’s is calling me, and wanting to see me. The one I used to feel hypnotized (more like terrorized) by. And really sexually attracted to.

    So I had told him a few months ago that I no longer drive to men, and that I would need him to come get me and take me out on a date if he wants to see me. I figured that would put him off for awhile. I didn’t feel so under his spell and he was actually speaking decently to me.

    Now as I asked for he has a car and wants to pick me up and take me to the movies, and also “make love to me.” his words. But that is “not all he wants.” His words. I mean it feels great to even be on this level, instead of me driving 2 hours to see him at the drop of a hat (yes I used to) or other stuff.

    Except I still feel scared of him. I feel bad because he has now fulfilled my request to come and pick me up and take me out. Whenever he calls I start getting strong vivid dreams and feeling kinda overwhelmed. I only pick up because I feel so delighted to hear myself sound so grounded insted of hypnotized talking to him. All his effect is not gone, however, because I still didn’t communicate completely clearly.

    It would feel exciting and cool having sex with him. At the same time I worry I might feel bad afterwards because I don’t feel safe with him. I actually didn’t use to feel bad before, because I knew I was only seeing him “for thrills” and it felt kinda exciting and sexy. HOWEVER… what I want is to feel like there may be a future with a man I sleep with. And I want to feel safe emotionally.

    I do want sex and yet I don’t want sex. I feel pleased that I get to have it if I want to, yes. I feel pleased that he is pursuing me so strongly as he always has, and that he is trying to be nice to me and now is even meeting my demands. How do I request that I feel safe?

    I don’t feel safe with you, I feel pressured. I still feel ANGRY at you and like blowing your head off from all the stuff in the past. I want to have the money you took from me returned before I see you. (Hmmm… yes and you know what I might get this because he says he loves me and I believe it. His little sociopath self). I want him to heal and transform his sociopath ways.

    I feel a little guilty telling him I would see him if he comes to pick me up but not doing it now that he has gotten all that together. I feel excited ina good way thinking about seeing him, because I do love him. In an I care about you way and I might consider a future with you if you transform out of a sociopath into a fair man that I can feel safe with.

    LOOOL. I feel amused.

    A part of me really wants to have sex with him and is excited that he is coming to take me out. And a part of me is like no way get him back out my life are you crazy.

    I feel guilty thinking that if he fulfills my next request of returning that money, I STILL will not feel ready to see him because I will STILL feel mad at him for other stuff or still feel unsafe. I feel bad for him. I don’t want to abandon him. And I don’t want to abandon myself. So I want to be there for myself and speak the truth.

    I feel very flattered that you want to come get me. That feels good and exciting. And part of me wants to see you, but part of me feels unsafe with you. I feel really angry about things in the past and feel I don’t want to forgive you until you have made ammends. That would mean returning that money that you took. That would mean … me feeling safe with you and knowing that you would never even speak disrespectfully to me.

    And I feel sad to think that even if all these were done I still wouldn’t want to have sex with you, because I feel like I want exclusivity in sex and I am judging you as being incapable of that.

    AHA. NO. STOP tool.

    I don’t want to have sex in a non-exclusive relationship. And I don’t know if you can or would want something like that.

    And I don’t even know if I would want it with you even with all the above! And I feel guilty. And I do feel super strongly attracted to you and I care about you a lot.

    Such confusion… I feel confused… because I do kinda want to have sex, and it feels fun and good to have sex with him. In fact when I have sex with him I feel loved and good. I used to say that that is “the only time we get along” is what I used to say.

    So he is offering me this nice sex and I don’t know if I want it. I do want it. Maybe I should start by asking for my money back. Or I could have sex with him, then ask for my money back too later. Because I know he will want to see me again. Ironically I do believe he loves me as much as he is capable at this time. Which makes me feel a little guilty and makes it complicated.

    I felt like I had gotten close to a breakthrough above but now ran into a circle again. GRRR.. I feel a little frustrated. Will return to this, because believe you me… I will return to it in my head.

  12.  #12Daria on February 24, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    My eyes feel teary but not in a sad way. In a weird way that happens when I read stuff out loud sometimes.

  13.  #13Daria on February 24, 2009 at 10:54 pm

    OK I am back… from channeling I guess.

    So I was at the store and this sad song came on… “when you’re dreaming with a broken heart… waking up is the hardest part…” and I felt so sad and still do. I started crying and I can feel my eyes feeling hot right now.

    I was just feeling so bad because I’m imagining his (little) heart being broken. I want to forget about all that and focus on me. That is the way to go. I feel sad though, and maybe that means my heart is broken. Yes.

    I WANT to have a relationship wiht him that feels GOOD to me. Thank you universe. That feels good and can’t hurt anybody.

    Yay. Ok. I feel better. I might not pick up the phone or even powerspeech him tomorrow. I feel calmer now even though my upper lip stings.

    I am also going to see the hypnotist tomorrow and I want to work on my success in business although now I’m tempted to work on healing my heart and feeling bad for ASSHOLES. well. WE see something behind that now. I feel like laughing… hahahahaaaaa…

    I feel amused. Thank you anger and joy. I am going to channel into dancing now…

    I feel like my head leaning back and closing my eyes in feeling good.

    I feel good, waves of feeling good are coming out of my lower belly which feels like a little hot and now my smile is wide. I feel very happy that I felt my lower belly. That is very low. Almost my pelvis. I must be getting my wish of feeling my vagina like Reshi can do. Yay. I feel super strong smile again and more lower belly waves. Yippeee, it feels like my body is swaying. It feels GOOOOD. Yes goooood. Oh my goodness good.

    LOL. I feel amused at the change in my emotions. And a little embarassed.

  14.  #14Daria on February 24, 2009 at 11:30 pm

    I am now realizing I feel angry at him. Like from this conversation.

    Him: I want to make love… that’s not all I want though.

    Me: I have to think about it.

    Him : what?

    Me: I have to Think about it. (scared/annoyed tone)

    Him: That’s what you said last week. That’s enough time to think about it.

    Me: (triggered and stuck) I don’t know. (weird tone – I now believe this is when I started feeling angry but lost focus)

    Him: I’ll call you tomorrow.

    Me: Ok.

    LOL feels amusing. At the same time I must say I admire how much he seems to stand up for himself. That’s really attractive, although in his case I think sociopathic. Lol… I feel like smiling. more amusement.

    PS – please notice how my brain returns to THIS trigger. I want HEALING. Thank you universe.

  15.  #15Daria on February 24, 2009 at 11:34 pm

    More posting… I now realize HE would really benefit from more honesty – as in authenticity with my feelings. That’s why he said that’s enough time to think about it. He’s being honest there, however pushy. I woudl probably think the same thing and feel someone was being dishonest if they said they had to think about it. I also will benefit from more honesty. Lots of practice room here.

    If this was an honesty/bravery videogame, this would be like a Level Boss. One of the Big ones.

  16.  #16Reshi on February 24, 2009 at 11:58 pm

    Ahahahaha, Daria, this old-school 8-bit girl loves the video game analogy! I faced a similar big boss in my own feeling message video game tonight. My computer has been acting up and making all these terrifying noises. When your computer makes terrifying noises, what do you do? You call tech support at the company that manufactured your computer.

    Guess who manufactured my computer.

    So yeah, I sent an e-mail full of computer-related feeling messages to my ex. That was really, really scary. My computer suddenly got a lot quieter now that I’ve sent it…go figure. D:

    Heartbeat, I’ve read more of your blog and now I’m feeling super intrigued, you and I seem to be doing similar things with poetry, except you’re doing them on a professional level and I just stumbled upon the whole poetry-as-therapy idea by accident!

  17.  #17heartbeat on February 25, 2009 at 12:39 am

    Daria I can relate to feeling confused and angry and anxious not to hurt, and worry about the outcome – as I read your comment. I’ve been there. The emo-trance exercise would feel good to me, I’m going to practise it and use it if I’m in that situation again. I felt myself nodding my head as you bought yourself time. When I read your comment, these words felt like they summed up a lot “[I feel] kinda exciting and sexy. HOWEVER… what I want is to feel like there may be a future with a man I sleep with. And I want to feel safe emotionally”. “I feel angry being owed money”.

  18.  #18heartbeat on February 25, 2009 at 12:44 am

    Reshi thank you for your comment on my webpage – I feel honoured – there’s a ton of stuff on the web about poetry therapy. My approach is adapted from Liesl Silverstone’s person-centred art therapy, which I trained in. It’s non-interpretive, the client explores the meaning of many aspects of the image/ form/ language. I’m excited and interested working in this way – and you’re drawn to it too which feels great, maybe it’s a road for you to travel.

  19.  #19Bethany on February 25, 2009 at 6:26 am

    Daria, you said…”I don’t want to have sex in a non-exclusive relationship.” Does this preclude all the sexiness you feel towards him? Or not? That feels like the ultimate question…I don’t want to dole out advice here…

    When my boyfriend denied me sex, I felt better after “taking care of myself,” if you know what I mean, ALOT, so I didn’t feel needy. I mean, sometimes like 3 times a day. I feel embarrassed writing that. Oh my God. I’m not saying you’re needy, but that’s what helped me feel more in control of my sexual impulse around him…

  20.  #20cookie on February 25, 2009 at 9:47 am

    So I never fully made it through the riffing blog so I don’t know if i’m doing this right but I would like to try and I want you guys to give me feedback as to how to really do it.

    Anyway, so i triggered myself today by buying my guy a card which felt to me after thinking about it like maybe leaning forward. but when i am not with i think about me and him alot and all the things that i have done to contribute to the stress in our relationship. when i am with him i think of all the things that makes him wrong. why is it that i want him to be wrong. is he really? he is not, he is him, sometimes kind and mostly generous, and affectionate, and promising. but other times he is mean and brutally honest and hidden and hurtful. but i think he is a nice guy that i am making mean. why am i bully. i love my bully because my bully wants to force someone to hear me, see me, respect me, follow me, listen. my bully is mean and a troublemaker. i love my mean troublemaker self because she makes me human and not some shy reserved introverted girl with no balls. my masculine. because the other side of me are those things quiet and unresponsive and not apart of. i love her too because she doesn’t want to boxed in and she won’t let it happen to her

  21.  #21cookie on February 25, 2009 at 10:03 am

    i want love and happiness and undying love with my partner. but i feel so afraid though and I feel fear that my relationship problems are because of me and my ways, leaning forward, attacking, punishing, pulling away. i feel judgemental of myself. i feel that I am not even a good friend with him. I feel that i am a liar. like i have been falsely representing myself, that i am not good or loving or loyal. that i am a cheater, bad, and undeserving. that I am sneaky and backstabbing that I will hurt anyone in anyway that i want to. i feel that i am not enough for any man even though i think i am. i think that because of all the times that men have dissected me into pieces that they wanted and left the rest of me by myself. i feel angry about my past and all the men that looked at my body and thought i was sexy but looked at my dark skin and wrote me off. i feel disappointed that the men in life that are supposed to love me the most don’t love me that much at all. i feel like that is a lie, that i want to much from people. i feel like i want a big warrior man to stand up for me and knock down all the evil doers that have tried to hurt me. i feel like my plotting sneaky passive aggressive self will pretend to be okay with things and then attack at a later date. i don’t want to hold on anymore. i want to let go. letting go feels like being naked and exposed. letting go feels like looking in the mirror with my glasses on. letting go feels like being up against a magnifying glass where all my imperfections can be seen closely. letting go feels like being judged. i feel afraid that i can’t because i am a self sabotoger, that maybe i don’t want to have the love i say i want, that maybe i don’t even want a man. that maybe i just want a baby and a nice place to live and somebody to have sex with every once and again and wear cute clothes around. i feel i am superficial and that is why men have only wanted me on a superficial way.

    (I have to go back to work now, i feel like I was coming to a breakthrough. Damn)

  22.  #22Daria on February 25, 2009 at 10:17 am

    Aww Cookie I feel moved by your riff. I want to hugg you. I feel a little sad coming to the ending.

    You did great! There’s a little more to riffing to add in which is important and helps a lot and that is finding the feeling in your body. For example at one point you say I feel so afraid… where is this feeling in your body?

    Maybe… I feel so afraid, and that feels like tense shoulders and pouty lips (how I feel sometimes), and unmoving face… something like that. Then you send love to that place… usually by saying so… example: I love my tense shoulders and pouty lips (remember you don’t have to Like it, just have to Love it … lol). then follow the feeling as it changes (it usually changes) and THAT feels like, relaxing shoulders, tensing in my tummy, etc…

    You probably will get to that part in the next post you read. I feel so excited to see you riffing! Yay!

    Ps – card for bf feels leaning forward to me. Receiving cards from him would feel leaned back… perhaps a card for you and yourself only would feel nice, or at least triggering ?

  23.  #23Reflection on February 25, 2009 at 1:33 pm

    Hi Everyone! new to this site… by way of Erika of Awakening from the Dream… I’m writing my own blog… called Enlightened Relationship… I just posted this one called Sex and the Cultivation of Inner Equilibrium http://enlightenedrelationship.blogspot.com/2009/02/sex-and-cultivation-of-inner.html

    I have been exactly where Daria is… my last boyfriend came into my life at a time when I was still holding a lot of hurt from the guy before… I started the relationship too soon because I had broken both of my wrists and I needed someone’s support 8 months out. I was without a community of loving caring people so I turned a lot of my needs over to this guy.

    He loved it! He loved being needed by me and being my hero… he loved being tender and useful! I never gave him the respect that that deserves. Why? My heart was already guarded and I was used to older lovers with a more developed sense of how to build repoire with me as a strong, intelligent, powerful female. His youthfulness and excitement about life, his willingness to be friends and his ability to be so tender with me caught me off guard. I still wasn’t willing to open up to him.

    Over time, I did… and found he had a strong relationship with porn. I did most of the talking with him and created a power struggle with him to step into more of himself as a man… what a man looks like to me… if he wanted to keep me. Bad choice. I set the groundwork for him to feel forced by my conditional acceptance and to stay in it due to his need to be loyal.

    What I needed to have been able to do is go slower, create more trust by sharing my feelings with him and letting him share his with me in greater depth, greater friendship and greater compassion. I traded sex with him after 6 weeks because I was beginning to feel something for him and because I was scared to not have him in my life… I needed support in my recovery.

    Classic set up for codependency.

    As I got stronger, wounds from my not giving his greater respect surfaced. He wanted to punish me. Silly choice, right? A guy who gets involved with a woman who has just had her heart broken needs to know it’s going to take months before she can even look at him without fear, contempt, feelings of self failure… etc… His need to punish me comes out of two main things… one: his own previous experiences with women who rejected him and two: not understanding that there really is nothing personal about a woman’s behavior when she’s in a place of grief and hurt from someone else’s messy involvement.

    What’s the lesson for me? Where do I have a role here? The Emo trance exercise made me realize my anger is centered in my will area… third chakra. I feel a deep anger that my will has been manipulated, pulled on, pushed on, lied to… at large… and my heart wants me to get clear on the level of will as to what I REALLY WANT! And yep, I want to be LOVED for all of me SOOOOO deeply and I want to be with a man who is focused, at home with himself, devoted, committed and solution oriented. I (Have to take a deep breath because it is a little scary) want to be with ONE man who can receive all there is from me and put that into play in the world to make the world a better place.

    I’ve been playing with Erika’s blog to see if one of the steps towards freeing myself so I am at peace to give my all in the best way possible includes dating without attachment. Developing long term friendships. Staying with my own sexual power for as long as it takes before being sexual because I know that when I am, I’m with someone I love. So… there is some confusion for me about whether the next step involves cutting myself free from the Seduction Community, embracing it or something else?

    The will power piece is really key to understand here… My will power has been challenged for years… by men… by advertising… by social structures… I don’t want to keep having a chip on my shoulder about men… and I do want my willpower to be Lovingly and Completely R E S P E C T E D… because my heart and my will are aligned… one can’t be influenced without influencing the other, for better or for worse…

    Peace Everyone! Love to You!

  24.  #24Reflection on February 25, 2009 at 1:52 pm

    The other question is… since respect is so mutually potent to the development of really wanting to give our gifts to each other… if the person who is best going to be able to hold a BIGGGGGG place of respect for me, who will look at the choices I’ve made through difficult times and be amazed and inspired, touched, opened to me in love… well, the question is… if respect is what I want… respect leading to long term, one on one, total teamwork marriage, then who do I have to become to myself?

    I want to post these entries on my own blog… and his last words to me about posting anything that creates a link to me talking about him would cause him to strike out at me. So, I don’t want to engender his wrath or further punishment and also, I have a need to be honest with people about my real experiences because this is my way to get to know what I’m really, truthfully all about. I don’t want to disrespect him… or myself… The demand for me to keep my relationship experiences with him private… (sigh)… dirty deeds swept under the rug? Need for safety? Trying to bully and control? Now wanting the word to get out?

    I’d like to see more accountability in partnerships and I really don’t think that will happen as long as two people split off from community and positive mentorship. I’ve been available for a long time during the months I tried the open relationship game with him to see a therapist or mediator… all I got was empty promises… ANGRY? COMPASSIONATE? UNDERSTANDING? What about committed to a change for the better!

    Does he still want back into my life to this day? Does he think sex would be a nice way to communicate his deeper feelings about all of this to me? Yes to the first and most likely to the second… Is he the man he needs to be for me to be able to shine? Not that I am aware of yet? Is it within him? Hard to answer that one… Over time… maybe… QUESTION IS: Where do I live my life today being as fully engaged as possible and not waiting, needing someone else to change? Receiving and giving love, today?

    Wouldn’t a man who’s really ready to love me to the capacity I have to be loved and loving stop playing games and stand up? I guess that only happens when a man has enough encouragement and has done enough soul searching… faced enough of himself to know what he really wants in life…

    hmmmmmmm… thanks for being there! Heart on sleeve 🙂

  25.  #25Rori Raye on February 25, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    Welcome, Reflection, and Thank you for your wonderful comments. I could jump off into so many posts from your words – and here’s the first thing that comes to mind:

    What this is all about – to get started – is to separate yourself out from “him.” In other words – so much of what is actually OURSELVES, we think of as having something, anything to do with him, and it doesn’t.

    We think that if we can alter him, somehow, or enlighten him, somehow, things will improve, we’ll get what we want – we’ll no longer be “angry” – but the moment we even think of “fixing” things by stating clearly how HE should be, or often even by making statements to ourselves about how we want things to look – rather than how we want things to FEEL – we make ourselves angry.

    More on this, Love, Rori

  26.  #26alias girl on February 25, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    xoxo.ah yes.

    if only he hadn’t completey blown off valentine’s day without even a text i might have let him still be sittting on the ground holding onto the legs of my horse. but he did not. i can focus on IF ONLY he were more this, less that blahdedahdah.

    or i can say how do i feel? (AWFUL)
    how do i want to feel (BEAUTIFUL, adored, loved etc)
    WHICH MAN do i feel this way the most around?

    the people i feel AWFUL around, i naturally want to spend less of my GODDESS time and enrgy with. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

    the secret of being in tocuh with how i FEEL. it makes so much sense to me now. i feel eternal gratitude. thank you. xoxo

  27.  #27alias girl on February 25, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    also had my second appt with emily. i like i like. actually i don’t really like it while i am there because all my fight flight freeze respnses are highly activated and it feels really intense. but i love the work we are doing. i feel a big change in my body and way of being. i feel very smiley. i feel like i am on the road to my happily ever after. i feel teary.

  28.  #28alias girl on February 25, 2009 at 4:38 pm

    plus i don’t feel i need to settle or segregate anymore. good sex OR a guy that treats me well. a guy i am interested in OR A a guy that treats me well.

    i can have i guy that interests me genuinely who treats me well who i also feel sexually satisfied with. i feel confident this is a possibilty and is mine. i feel excited and grateful and caretaking of such a fabulous gift of a relationship.

  29.  #29Reflection on February 25, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    Okay, I have to give this a chance and thanks Rori for the head start! … how do I want things to feel? How do I want to feel?

    When a guy shows signs of behaving selfishly, without regard for my feelings and does so by having sex with other women, one secretly while we were living together and “dating” for half of our year together… the rest have all come out of his sudden blast of sexual energetic opening, mad dash towards “free love”… My experience has been that all of this caught me off guard… even when I thought I had the capacity to be and could be/would be loving and open to it, I WASN’T… I was jealous and is there REALLY anything wrong with that? and it felt like and still feels like sexual trauma in my body… still crying about it months later… actually has been getting more intense lately and I hope that’s a sign I’m finally releasing and not running a loop.

    So, first feeling I want to be having is “feeling” free of all the trauma in my system. I don’t see how I can relax with anyone when I feel hypervigilant about whether I am going to get the truth. The feelings towards other women whenever I think of him are of complete insecurity. I’ve always been loving and friendly towards other women… and the second I think of this guy, my chemistry towards women turns angry, mean, like I only want to disappear so that no one has to see me feel this way… my whole world feels out of whack, I feel gross!

    When I think of other women without thinking about him… I’m in the positive feeling zone… I feel sisterhood and trust.

    So, how do I want to feel? I want to feel safe that all these horrible, negative, self critical, remorseful, stuck, angry, mean, hateful feelings are gone for good! Even having to feel those things makes me feel like rejecting myself. I know that’s a weird way to start talking about how I want to feel… the point is, I want to feel fresh and clean and loving again… I want to feel deeply spacious around having feelings of love that are steadily good, more even keel for days, weeks at a time… I want to feel warmth in my heart. I want to feel pride and trust everytime I look at the man I am partnering with. I want to feel accepted, cherished, and respected. I want to feel relaxed and delighted! I want to feel beautiful, sexy, light hearted, on track. I want to feel devoted as a result of knowing my devotion is given to someone who respects and returns devotion.

    I want to feel safe. I want to feel trusted. I want to feel encouraged, uplifted, secure. I want to feel certain that the man I am giving my attention to is the “one”. (I often feel confused in the dating world about where I am directing my focus and a lot of guys are into me initially so, always having to field through different attractions is difficult on my tender heart). I want to feel alive and inspired! I want to feel clarity, cared for, belonging, at home… bonded in a good way… matched in a good way… feminine… seen… thrilled… butterflies for life!… pure… grateful… tender… strong… understood… listened to… sought for my perspective and respected for my perspective… upheld… juicy :)… lovely… vital… big hearted… open hearted… nurturing… amazed… in awe… emotionally stable/solid/clear enough to build a foundation with someone… well rested… deeply held… deeply loved… told the truth… trusting with good reason to trust… part of a team creating an awesome life together! I want to feel/experience the magic moment when the rest of the world seems to fade into the background and I meet the man I am truly going to marry and be totally thrilled marrying and being married to for the rest of my life! I want to feel the freshness in that moment… where there is no tug coming from fears from the past.
    Things is… I don’t know if I feel like risking it again… right now… I know I don’t… somehow… I want to feel confident when I meet him that he’s a winner! Geez! I’m glad I said that! 🙂 Not that it’s all, in the bag, from the minute we lay eyes on each other… I’m talking about that, he’s totally got IT! feeling… I want to step into it more and more, feeling a clearly bold certainty on both ends, this REALLY is it, even if that takes months, a year of friendship… two years… working on a project together? am I dreaming? in la la land here? I’ve had different versions of all of this stuff but the line where it was my fantasy projecting onto what should have been obvious realities saying FORGET ABOUT THAT, THAT IS NOT THE DIRECTION YOU WANT TO BE GOING was bluuuuuurrrrryyyy…
    What’s the best version of “making peace with your past”? Integrating past romances into one clear picture ??? I’m feeling around in the dark here…

    I am grateful to be asked that question… wow! Thanks 🙂
    Love to everybody!

  30.  #30cookie on February 25, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    Thank u daria for responding I felt excited reading your posts n hearing your feedback. I will try riffing again with your tips. I agree the card is forward leaning I decided to use my masculine energy to address the card to myself and imagine that its from my ideal lover who adores me and fears losing me n wants to rectify.

  31.  #31Reshi on February 25, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    Reflection, I feel fascinated with your blog posts on sex and the law of attraction. I also feel a bit sorrowful–like what do you mean give up orgasms?! And so soon after the world finally realized that women can even HAVE orgasms?

    But, my body also feels tired of orgasm. I get myself all kinds of turned on, in a way that feels good, and I rarely ever bother to follow through.

    That bit about dopamine falling for TWO WEEKS after an orgasm makes me feel more compassionate for my ex, who almost certainly experienced those lows (and I never gave him that long to recharge). I almost certainly experienced those lows too, but tried to even things out with more sex. Hmmmm, that brings yet another new perspective to things.

    Any mention of this so-called “seduction community” makes me feel creeped out and also diminished and unworthy. I feel like it’s some sort of exclusive club with a velvet rope and they’ve got modelesque women manning the gates telling people like me that we aren’t pretty enough to get in. You must be THIS tall to ride. Short, fat, dark people aren’t wanted here.
    Aaaargh. Well, this is definitely something to work with. I apparently feel unworthy because of my physical attributes–and I am someone who strongly believes, or at least wants to believe–that we are all beautiful and all of equal worth, regardless of what attributes we were born with. And yet, I’m not attracted to every man. in fact, I feel repulsed by many. I feel repulsed by gorgeous men as well as ordinary ones and ugly ones. I want one that I’m attracted to, and I can’t blame a man for wanting the same.

    I feel so ignored and invisible to men and I can’t blame them because I always walk around leaning forward, putting my energy out to each and every man I see, and FORCE them to retreat and withdraw. Yet today I figured out how to walk in the dance position–it was such a simple shift, just turning my palms forward, which forced me to lean back and drop into my pelvis, and for a thrilling 5 seconds, every man on the street had his eyes glued to me. Needless to say I got scared and jumped back up into my head and am not sure if I’ll ever be able to replicate that experience.

    I feel like I’m in all this B.S. Head energy. That feels like a ball of tension and thoughts on my head, a very dense ball, taking me down a downward spiral into a very familiar, comfortable, safe, dull feeling. Man, it’s a safe feeling but I can feel the monsters of fear lurking behind it.
    And I felt, just for a second, the promise of a beautiful tropical forest beckoning to me before dropping back into the comfortable, scared feeling. It’s like heaviness behind my eyes, a hunched-over spine. I’m at work and can’t really go touching myself, so I’ll enlist an imaginary friend or two to help with this Emotrance tool. I can feel warm, loving hands on my back where it wants to hunch over to protect me–and soon that fearful energy melts into hot, flowing lava, flowing up and down my spine, spiraling around it. It doesn’t want to leave my body. It wants to heat it up and energize it. It is welcome to do so. I am going to play with this more but you get the idea…

  32.  #32alias girl on February 25, 2009 at 8:25 pm

    i feel confused. one of my circular dating guys said he’l talk to me when i call him after work. i feel angry and confused. i don’t recall telling him i would call him and now i feel obligated and i HATE feeling obligated to things i di not commit to of my own volition. why am i calling him? why is he assuming i am? i feel oddly angry. i feel guilty for feeling angry bc i say i want a guy to want me and here’s this guy who wants to talk to me as much as possible. i feel there was no negotiation. i feel like he’d lock me into a relationship if he could and i haven’t even met him yet. ok on the outside it may look like quality problems i am having but i feel overwhlemed and scared. these men are coming on toooo strong. when i tell them i’m not interested it’s like they program me into their phones and text and call for months aftwrward. i don’t even know who these people are bc i took them out of my phone bc I’m NOT INTERESTED. nd i moved on. i feel threatened and angry. this is why i pick unavailable men. i feel safe. these other guys just want to swallow me whole or i don’t know but it feels really fucking scarey to me. and i feel really angry. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. that feels like punching people til they get away from me.

  33.  #33Bethany on February 25, 2009 at 8:49 pm

    alias girl, i completely understand and identify with your scared and angry feelings about guys you aren’t interested in. fight or flight! i feel gross and icky around guys who give me attention when I dont want … and i feel icky around guys who I want attention from who aren’t giving it to me, too…two sides to the same coin, maybe. Tonight a guy took me out to the nicest restaurant in town, and I completely have only friendly feelings for him…i felt really guilty and gross because he’s not my “boyfriend,” but I feel disappointed that I had my first day at my new job and my “boyfriend” didn’t call me to see how it went, and this guy that took me out texts me like 10 times a day, even texted this morning to say “have a great first day, just be yourself and they’ll love you…” or something. And I feel really bad because I’m completely turned off by how he looks and his weight and how he always makes sexual innuendos to me about me being a stripper, and I don’t think he’s really “quality” but he’s NOT as unbalancing as my “boyfriend” but I’m really ATTACHED to my boyfriend, and if I could have the puppy dog attention that this guy is giving me combined with the butterflies I feel with my boyfriend, I would be in heaven. Or not. Would I want my boyfriend if he really wanted me or would I just run away? I don’t know. I feel really scared of intimacy. Would I want this other guy more if he treated me nonchalantly? Maybe. There is something inside me that has yet to “click” about that…why can’t I be attracted to men who WANT to impress me and give me attention and time and share with me? I feel…undeserving? I feel…scared? Flakey? My first impulse is to RUN when I think a guy who is too “NICE” comes towards me…I have to sit with that for a while

  34.  #34alias girl on February 25, 2009 at 9:04 pm

    i feel compassion and empathy bethany. thank you for sharing your experience and feelings. i feel so angry at these men. what is the message? i can feel their desparation. i can feel it. and it does not feel good
    . i feel repulsed by it. so good. the better my own life and self worth and knowing i am ok with or without a man then the less ii will give off the kind of desparate vibe these guys are giving off. and maybe i give that vibe to guys i really like bc i want so DESPARATELY to be in a relatinoship with a man i like and respect.

    part of what helps me respect a man is his non desparate vibe.

    phew. i don’t think i am going to call that guy tonight. i feel boxed into it. if he wants to talk to me he can call. i never said i was going to call him. argh.

  35.  #35alias girl on February 25, 2009 at 9:08 pm

    i think that’s the message. i need to rid myself of my desparate vibe. except i only feel desparate with the guys i really like.

    what happens if i rid my desparate vibe by dating by circular dating. then i end up with a great guy and he’s the only one left to give me affection and attention and sex. wouldn’t i just revert back to desparate vibe?

    though that’s sort of spinning into the future. maybe worry about that when i am anywhere close to that.

  36.  #36cookie on February 25, 2009 at 9:31 pm

    daria, i thought i thanked you for responding to me about my riff. but the stupid phone didn’t send the comment, oh well. anyway, thanks. i agree with you on the leaning forward of the card so i decided to use my masculine energy to address the card to myself. as if i am the guy who adores me and is concerned about the distance in the relationship, who loves me and wants things to be better.

    so the other day, my guy and I were up watching the Ray J reality show. And it was interesting to watch all these girls vying for this man’s attention as with all these kinds of shows. so they had this double date and the one girl was like a mute damn near, actually that is the running joke on the show that she was so quiet, and the other was like throwing herself all over him. so the three of them were on the airplane and the quiet one started feeling nervous, so she grabbed her arm and laid her head on his shoulder. the other one tried to play it cool but you could tell she was insecure because afterwards she started trying to be up his face and he got annoyed. so he and the quiet girl had some alone time and he was basically on his knees and then they kissed and she melted and it seemed like they connected. the other girl started trying to force him into a kiss and he was basically pity kissing her and on camera he said that he can’t stand when girls do that (basically leaning forward). and then another girl came to his room later on and started taking off her clothes and lap dancing with him. My guy commented that a man will take what he can get, but he knows his real intention (i’m completely paraphasing here but who remembers).

    So I’m trying to imagine what this whole being soft on the outside and tough on the inside really looks like in practice. Like I have a good group of girl friends (they are not friends with each other but they are very close to me) and I believe that they all in have in common a strong sense of confidence and ease about themselves, which is what I admire about them all but I’m not quite sure if they are that. Like each of them except for maybe one although they are open, funny, and light spirited, they do have a tendency to make men wrong, attack them, or reject them in a variety of ways. Although i think that does represent their strong boundaries it doesn’t feel like softness. and although i work around a whole bunch of women, I don’t know their intimate relationships but they seem like leaning forward types (although I do feel a little judgemental for saying that). so I guess I want to learn, where do we learn how to be this? Do you have any examples from tv that I can use to draw a mental picture of what this looks like? Because people tell me that I’m unapproachable and I look mean but I don’t know how to not look like that? I don’t know how to be soft on the outside!!!! Please help, I would like some models. Thanks, ladies.

  37.  #37alias girl on February 25, 2009 at 9:31 pm

    part of it just feels like life. like everybody is desperate.

    desperate for what?

    love? acceptance? attention? belonging? purpose? validation?


    i feel like a great majority of people are desperate right along side me. i just hide it better. (but you godesses know! :))

    i feel a little sad and lonely. i feel compassion for the scaeey desparate guys. but i would feel even better if they would just honor my boundaries and go away. except for the ones i am interested in. i want them to come closer. ok.

    i am beginning to feel the dilemma here. no new news here.

  38.  #38alias girl on February 25, 2009 at 9:33 pm

    i am going to keep forging ahead. i will not be deterred by this. these men have a message. i am willing to be open to it. i am willing to learn real love.

  39.  #39alias girl on February 25, 2009 at 10:49 pm

    i feel weird for not calling.i feel pressured sometimes when people expect me to do things i hadn’t planned on. what do you think?

    is this too harsh?

    also, interesting question cookie. i am trying to think of some.

  40.  #40alias girl on February 26, 2009 at 12:37 am

    aw. he was really sweet about it. i feel excited and more relaxed about him

    i feel confused how any man will have the patience for the time it may take for us to get close. i feel scared. that feels like a really thight throat and fast beating heart and frowney face and tears. that feels like energy in my tummy and feeling panic. that feels like a quivering lip. i love my panic and terror and weird breathing and wanting to run away. i love my intense forhead and tears. i love my feels of being engulfed in a wave. i love my doubts. i love my energy in my chest and how i sufdenly feel narcoleptically sleepy. i love my urge to lean forward and call all my exes just so i can stay stcuk in safety. bc no intimacy is safety. never seeing them is saefty. having them treat me like shit is safety. never having a man who wants to claim me is safety. i feel pouty face and big breaths and tears. weird sounds. i love my enormous feeling of overwhelming tiredness. omg ugh.phew.

  41.  #41alias girl on February 26, 2009 at 1:45 am

    ugh. i feel overwhelmed. i feel his energy is so focussed on me and he seems really into me but i wonder if it’s this co-dependent, doesn’t have anything else going on in his life kind of way. it feels smothering.

    the message is? i have done this to men i love. not overtly but my energy and thoughts were too focussed on him. and dissecting what he said and what does he mean? and feeling threatened

  42.  #42alias girl on February 26, 2009 at 1:50 am

    feeling threatened if he didn’t seem to like me as much as the second before and feeling ok if he did seem to like me. and just sooo focussed on him. and blech. it feels AWFUL AND THREATENING on the receiving end. like maybe this person doesn’t have good boundaries and i feel like i have to make up my mind about him this second. ugh.

    i have done this to other guys.

    i want a do over with my ex. i want him to come sit back down on my horse and just sit with me. i feel safe with him.

    ok itt doesn’t need to be these two extremes. i can find a healthy middle ground. i feel overwhelmed with energy in my body. but i feel very optimistic about my dating. i am going to bed.

  43.  #43Katja on February 26, 2009 at 2:25 am

    Cookie-I feel the same way about that where to learn from. Almost nobody in my personal environment is this leaning back,soft on the outside-strong on the inside-kind of girl/woman (I use to refer to my girlfriends as girls-though we are all nearly 30.) 🙂

    There are some celebrities who I think we can learn from even when we will never know that much about their personal life. But this is only my opinion,maybe others won’t agree with me.
    Ok,to me a really strong woman who is also soft and not afraid to show her emotions is Angelina Jolie. In the past (before adopting the first child) she seemed like a wild child who didn’t know where she belongs. But then she went on this humanitarian path and I saw videos of her visiting refugees etc. and was deeply moved. I love that she is not afraid to cry in front of cameras,that she adopted so many children,that she does good things for the world etc.

    Another one who seems really strong to me (but I am missing a bit the part of being soft on the outside) is Christina Aguilera. Don’t laugh! I like her. I used to be an fan and I read a lot of Interviews with her. I love that her husband is not the prettiest guy in the world but he was able to attract her anyway! And they are together for years,are married,have a child together. What I read about them was that he treated her with a lot of respect. I was really impressed about one thing I once read (she said that in an interview I think): She was concerned what to do in a special situation (I don’t know anymore what it was about) and told him and he said “You do you.You do what YOU want.” To me this sounds great! Like a lot of respect,a lot of love. So maybe this is also a great example of that whole attraction/connection thing. Christina Aguileras husband doesn’t LOOK that pretty but he TREATS her with respect and love and the way she deserves it. Maybe thats the key. The way a guy treats us. If a guy treats us really good and we don’t feel that good about ourselves we usually can’t stand this guy or we feel uncomfortable to be treated so well. I think thats why a lot of women are attracted to guys who treat them bad. But if we feel really good about ourselves we wouldn’t allow a guy to treat us bad and we would be able to love a guy who treats us really good,even if he isn’t that attractive on the outside – but it would make him automatically attractive when he treats us the way we deserve it (and we all agree that a guy should treat us with a lot of respect,don’t we?). I hope everyone understands what I mean 🙂

    Ok,these were the good examples. I have some bad ones,too! 🙂 My number one bad celebrity example is Paris Hilton. To me it feels like she is only kind of acting,she is not herself,she pretends to be someone she isn’t. She is able to attract a lot of guys-but not to keep one of them for a long time. She says “I am no party girl.” – The next day you see pictures of her dancing in a club. To me she doesn’t seem authentic.

    I’d like to know your opinions about this! 🙂 Maybe there are other celebrities we can learn from. Maybe you don’t agree with me-I like to know!

    Love and hugs,

  44.  #44Flipper on February 26, 2009 at 6:13 am

    Hi Reflection and any other newbies,

    Rori’s way of getting into our feelings can be found in the Power and Self Esteem section of the blog. I feel it’s very useful to follow the step by baby step program, in order to know and accept all our feelings, even the yuckiest, to learn how they will turn around so we CAN feel the wonderful ones and then Share them with another in a way that will draw him in rather than pushing him away. Share them All, in true intimacy. I feel a lot of confusion and trying to figure out contradictory thoughts in your post, as we are all so prone to DO. And you will learn that the ways of the heart don’t need such heavy-duty ‘help’ from our minds to BE our authentic, naturally attractive selves.

  45.  #45Daria on February 26, 2009 at 12:14 pm

    Cookie – I felt like OHHH that is sooo cool when I read your post that you got the card for your self! YES!! I FEEL SO GLAD. And your first post did go through. Women models, we have Rori. Lol.

    Bethany – I feel so excited to see that weird guys make stripper inuendos to you too… I thought that was just me and had let it make me feel bad in the past. I’m glad to see that it is not. Disgusting. May be bad guy in good guy disguise, energy does not feel good, well then it doesn’t feel good .

    Alias girl – hehe you don’t have to call him. Whenever I wind up in this situation when they assume I will call or tell me to I don’t. I practice on not saying ok to when they say call me when they say to. Because I knwo I won’t. So now I will say I don’t want to do that. You know what they don’t really get mad.

    I also realized yesterday that my issue with my ex is that I feel like if I don’t follow through on what I said (that I will go out wiht him if he picks me up) and instead ask for more, he will think I’m “playing with him” acting too good, and not be interested. And stop liking me or pursuing me. Well as soon as I realized that I realized that that is not true! And why am I worried about wether or not he likes me or pursues me??? I don’t have to be. Wow. I feel relieved. I can relax and lean back.

    Reshi is freakin awesome Emo-trance Goddess. Dammit Reshi I’ve been trying to do this for years. How do you get it to work for you so fast and well?

    Flipper I feel glad you wrote Reflection about the Power and Self Esteem posts. After I read her post, and I felt there was a lot of energy, and kind of a head spinning feel, I wanted to recommend that as well. Thank you for beating me to it and it would feel so fun Reflection if you do those tools and share with us.

    Ok so guess what….
    Introducing… TA DAAAAH… the NEW DARIA… my eyes feel watery in that weird way again.

    I went to my hypnosis session yesterday. and I FEEL GREAT!!!. I have a lot more energy, but not the usual way. I am NATURALLY TREATING MYSELF WELL. It’s like I am automatically paying more attention to how I feel, and it’s so much easier to notice and I just feel stronger. I Didn’t feel (too) intimdated to go into the store in a bad part of town in the middle of the night, or to talk to people. I just have an ebulliant and stronger self. Normally when I would go into such a store I would feel on hyperalert because I feel I would stand out and get all kinds of attention I don’t feel comfortable with (because I look and feel so vulnerable and maybe terrified, which is ok). This time I did not feel, terrified or even out of place and no one treated me that way. YESSSSS. I feel like I am not expressing this quite enough. I AM DEALING WITH PEOPLE like I matter more, like I am stronger and HAPPIER and more secure in myself. I more noticed people trying to treat me badly, and stood up for myself (which I so desperately wanted to do). I called people on the phone and made appointments, talked to my mom, drank a few drinks at happy hour with my friends (and STOPPED) talked to my God-sister about taking her herbs in a non-pushing way. This is a new me.

    What we did in hypnotherapy felt intense, and a little embarassing afterwards. We pretended I was little and went to what happened (that was sad) in the past and then I became different memebers of my family and talked to littel girl me and she talked and then I put her in my heart. And the whole time, I was feeling a little worried because I felt like I wasn’t all the way hypnotized, I mean it seemed like I was kind of Thinking what these people would say, and I was afraid it wouldn’t translate into real life. But the hypnotist at the end said it works anyway, because it’s at an unconscious level. WEll it did. I also woke up early today and feeling refreshed, bounded out of bed. I feel so strong. WOO HOO. You guys this ROCKS!

    I also managed to use the technique to heal a lot of my relationship with my God-sister ON MY OWN last nite. I was driving to her house and then realized I didn’t want to go in and didn’t know why. So I parked and pretended I was with her and jumped into her body so I could see what she would feel and think and say to me and actually say them, the stuff that scares me. And although she said all of it (lots of cussing) I in my imagination did say stuff back, it was not the end of the world. And then I left (in my imagination) and I in her body kept talking about me and saying angry mean stuff… until finally at the end she/I realized that I’m her friend and that she’s glad I’m her friend. Well as soon as that happened I let go of the scene and felt so much more comfortable going to her house. Where we had lots of comfortable talks about everything, because she listens, and we love each other. I feel good.

    I feel so GRATEFUL. I have another appointment next Wednesday. I feel so excited.

  46.  #46Reflection on February 26, 2009 at 12:46 pm

    Hi Flipper! Thank you for pointing me to the Self Esteem section… I found the post on disappointments… I’ve been in a cycle of long term feeling powerless to his sexual interests and pursuits of other women… wanting me to be one among his harem… (fuck no!) and riding this landslide of the heaviest darkest most hate filled feelings to numbness, shock, grief, despair, bewilderment and hopelessness… what is here today? anger… bitterness… fear… passion, courage… sadness… disappointments on top of disappointments… i wouldn’t be disappointed if he didn’t matter to me… if i hadn’t had the feelings of love and hope with him in the first place… i’m in my mind right now… ok… i admit it… i feel safe there… like, i have to get my life together and having an emotional rollercoaster going within me because someone else wants to provide his version of love is not the stability that i think i need to make my daily life work… i’m so sensitive to everything… every possible gesture… change in body language… and i’m confused right now… i followed the steps in the post about disappointments… i hugged myself and i cried… thoughts came up with the crying… then… the next step mentioned took me to the post on voting for myself… here’s where i get lost… in any given moment… i can vote for myself… my needs being met… i can channel something into my life that will feel good… what about long term feeling good? long term commitment? haaa haaa… i have a pretty smart voice in there saying forget about creating a good feeling here and a good feeling there… it’s saying… i can’t run my life on an occasional good feeling because the hurt feelings are going to come back twice as hard, twice as powerful… i’ll trust again… and if i dare to include trusting HIM again… he’ll just become 3 times as interested in knocking me down from that place… my feelings directly impact how i get out there in the world and participate with the world to do what i do to be of service and be thanked for that by cash… rollercoasters of feelings SCARE ME! So here’s my PASSIONATE PURPOSEFUL PRAYERFUL DEMAND! I need to be able to THRIVE and STAY CONNECTED TO MY FEELINGS>>> I NEED TO BE ABLE TO THANKED IN CASH FOR FEELING ALL OF THIS! Wow… that’s interesting 🙂 I have NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS… and that’s a powerful realization… it is not a one or the other… I need to feel or I need to succeed and THRIVE… WOW! IJUST USED THIS BLOG, Rori support and your love FLIPPER, to encourage myself to VOTE FOR WHAT I NEED. I NEED TO FEEL AND BE REWARDED FOR THAT FINANCIALLY! I’m stunned… breathing… being… thinking… feeling inspiration… shaking it off… DECLARING… I AM AN EMOTIONAL POWERHOUSE! I AM LIKE BRAVEHEART IN A WOMAN’S BODY… MY STRENGTH COMES NOT FROM FIGHTING BUT FROM FEELING! (I need support here… someone to have my back) I’M SOOOOO SICK OF THE PICKUP ARTISTS WHO CONSTANTLY ENCOURAGE GUYS TO KEEP DOGGIN A WOMAN… WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO CELEBRATING LIFE TOGETHER AS BEINGS? WHY DOES A GUY’S CONFIDENCE HAVE TO COME FROM HIS ABILITY TO GET A PHONE NUMBER, SCORE A LAY, ADD ANOTHER WOMAN TO HIS HAREM OR TEACH ANOTHER GUY HOW TO DO ALL OF THIS AND MORE? (guy’s need to get their asses back out into the wilderness and hunt for game and stop buying food at organic markets… use that hunter instinct for something besides pirating booty 😉 haaaaa haaaa haaaaaa (am I right?) WOMEN ARE NOT GAME TO BE HUNTED AND BAGGED! haaaa haaaaaaa haaaaa! unless they are… ME? I’M READY TO STOP PLAYING BAMBI… I WANT TO BE MY OWN CROWN JEWEL … FAIR TRADE JEWEL… WON BY LOVE AND LOVE ONLY! NOT PIRATED… hummmm… well… this should be an interesting day!

    Love to EVERYONE!

  47.  #47Daria on February 26, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    Hi Reflection. Wow awesome riff! I feel confused as to what’s in the power and self esteem section a little bit. It should be a series of posts there encouraging you to make lists… maybe they are among other posts… that’s where we all learned our riffing… and using feelings in the body to get to a good feeling place (like the place you got to in your riff).

  48.  #48Reshi on February 26, 2009 at 3:49 pm

    Daria, there are a few reasons I feel emo-trance work so well, and I’m not sure of this is good or bad! I am a very kinesthetic person, perhaps due to 20+ years of dance training, or maybe it’s the other way around, I dance because I’m kinesthetic. I’ve also done some very intense emotional/spiritual energy work over the past couple years, and am now learning shamanic journeying and exploring tantra. Wonder where I find the time for all this, well, so do I…it’s something of an obsession. That in addition to all Rori’s wonderful tools, I’ve become very sensitive to the energy in and around my body.

    I’m going to put on my boy hat and say keep at it, and let go! With me, the energy leaves on its own, I can gently suggest that it might want to leave, but I can’t FORCE it to leave, or decide where it’s going to leave from. I find emo-trance easier than riffing by far.

  49.  #49Daria on February 26, 2009 at 4:36 pm

    Reshi me too as in doing dance and being kineshtetic. Also on obsession or (enjoyment) of emotional/spiritual energy work over the past couple years.

    Lol that is NO excuse lol! Just kidding I feel glad it works for you so that I can be inspired by you that “works for me.” Lol. Actually it Emo-trance does work for me too from time to time… I think I have a mental block to it working easily all the time… I want to heal that block. Thank you.

  50.  #50Dorothea on February 26, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    yo katja i love what you had to say about christina aguilera. it is a great way to visualize a very abstract concept.

  51.  #51cookie on February 26, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    I guess another example could be beyonce although I think (and I feel very mean saying this) that a lot of that humility is pseudo country charm and I’m not sure if I buy it. Then again she does exude some vulnerability. I think I’m more like a mary j blige, she seems that is n was tough in and out but really inside she was weak n that’s how she landed in abusive relationships n on drugs. But the public has witnessed her pain n I think being honest about who she was and that to me feels soft n vulnerable

  52.  #52Linmayu on February 27, 2009 at 12:09 am

    The artist formerly known as Reshi is out of the closet for good! Using my real name here now feels right. I will see where it leads me.

    Daria, you’re so cute, I want to meet you. 😀

    I can relate to having a mental block about emo-trance, I have one about riffing. I really seem to go in my head a lot when I’m doing it, because I want to be understood and I want to understand myself. Whereas when I’ve tried emo-trance over the past couple days the feelings just flow and I can’t define them. It’s a pure physical sensation or an image, I cannot point it to an incident from my past or anything for my mind to hang its hat on. This might be really good for me.

    When I’m at work or in the car, rather than touching myself, I have found that it works amazingly well to imagine my Mother Goddess/Higher Self touching me instead, with loving, compassionate hands. Makani is a close second but I get distracted with him…anyway, I feel mega excited and so thankful to Daria and Rori for teaching me this awesome stuff.

  53.  #53Katja on February 27, 2009 at 5:03 am

    Thank you Dorothea (btw your name is very common in germany-do you know the meaning of it? as far as I know it means “gift of god”)!

    Also thank you Cookie for responding! 🙂

    I am really busy doing a lot of stuff I like so I am not that often on this blog at the moment. But I want to let you know that I am doing well and my relationship gets better and better. Everything feels so light. I am still waiting for my Modern Siren programm -takes some time to ship it to my country I guess 🙂 – and I am working with some tools I already know while I am waiting and I really hope that working with the programm will help me to get closer to my goal 🙂

    Lots of love to all of you!!!

  54.  #54Samat on February 27, 2009 at 8:05 am

    Wow Daria that sounds really cool. Great job. How many sessions are you required to attend?

  55.  #55Daria on February 27, 2009 at 11:57 am

    Hi Samat, I am attending 3.

    I still feel more empowered and happy. I felt so happy last nite as I was going to sleep, I just feel like I have JOY in my life. I felt so comfortable and loved and safe. I am waking up earlier and bounding out of bed and happy. I feel so grateful when I prayed last nite I thanked God for allowing this into my life. I feel so Grateful.

  56.  #56heartbeat on February 27, 2009 at 5:14 pm

    I feel deeply inspired reading all the comments on this post. THANK YOU – ALL of you.

    I’ve felt quiet. The last couple of days felt bad, I got all caught up in fear and anger and my head and HIM. I’m so thankful for the Riff and Being Curious, because I felt traumatised and off-course. Major triggers happening in me. Not even him, or anything outside.

    I noticed myself feeling tense a couple of evenings back during a phone call to an old friend, realised I’d offered to spend a whole day and stay over at her place even though I haven’t seen her for nearly a year because I felt shut out when I couldn’t keep up at her pace. She likes a lot of people around, she loves to be out and about, but I’m a different creature and I’ve learned I like a couple hours with a friend and usually that’s enough for now.

    I noticed I get into a scared child feeling with ‘strong’ women. Over the past year I made new, gentler soft-on-the-outside friends. I feel at ease with them – well, I say at ease but actually I ALWAYS feel some TENSION with anyone one-on-one. I feel shrinking, I feel awkward, ugly duckling feelings. But I don’t end up pretending to be someone I’m not. So I can use the Emo-Trance on the tension, yeah? I feel SAFE with the new friends. OK it’s not my old friend’s fault, she’s a dear friend, we can laugh like no other, we’ve had some crazy times, I CAN be Party Girl, Funny Girl Wild Child. But there’s a whole lotta other stuff in me that’s filling me out now, and I LOVE it. And I felt awful…gradually…among the cameraderie and giggles…more and more tense and awful and sick.

    So my guy calls me later and I feel even more tense and angry and I feel totally disconnected like I’ve popped out of my body and turned to wood. And I tell him ‘I feel awful, I feel tense’ and I’m starting to notice how I’m really feeling about seeing my friend, and the funeral we were going to, and my sick sister who’s dying, and so much fucking cancer stuff evrywhere, and receiving my father’s pay-in-advance funeral deal he’s arranged for himself earlier in the week – and later I felt so lonely and confused and upset and angry… I wanted my man WITH me, not on the end of the phone.

    Woke up the next morning feeling heavy and angry and exhausted.

    Later I said to my man ‘I feel lonely during the week’ and he stayed – yeah! – and he listened and even made a few points that hit the right note, and other times he started theorising and I just wanted to yell art him to shut up, I’m bored ok? But I breathed deep… feelings under rapid-fire change every minute. Loneliness, so much loneliness. But I feel proud I said I felt lonely, when I might have said ‘it really annoys me that you only live ten minutes away yet you can’t be assed coming over when you know I’m upset’ – and there are feelings I have I don’t express – like anger… and anger… and anger LOL!!!!

    Feel like I’ve had a breakthrough tonight. I cried with him. I told him how alone I feel, my family may be gone in ten years – all of them – how painful that realisation is. How I feel tired of travelling yet I want to see more of them. How it would feel good if he came too. How unbalanced I feel with these foundations slipping, and his struggle finding work and money felt sad and scary for me too.

    And I’m feeling braver. I almost said how sad I am that I wanted to be married by 50 and live a full and rich life together – and that’s a personal wish and not a pressure on him… and I KNOW it would have come out right because of the place I felt connected to inside.

    I’m feeling that place now…in my stomach.. and the LIGHT coming from it…. so I can get there again and again and again.

  57.  #57Reflection on February 27, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    Thanks for your comment on my riff Daria… I’ve always had this thing that’s made me afraid of working consistently… because my feelings are so powerful and they either attract or push people away ((as far as I can see from my perspective)) so that riff gave me a new perspective that I can’t stuff feelings and expect to make it in the world of working… so, I don’t know what it means… yet… It was wild to riff and your’s inspired me to be able to go for it… I’m very touched by heartbeat… I’ve so been there with family and just wanting so much to know my man has my back when I’m going through an intense cycle… glad to hear LIGHT is coming in!

  58.  #58heartbeat on February 27, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    I feel like blogging some more on my feelings.

    In the middle of the night (he stayed over but got into bed and fell asleep) I wanted to crash out of bed, stomp around and announce ‘from now on I want this relationship on MY terms, and you can decide if you measure up’. Then I woke up this morning and felt relaxed with him, as though it had all been a dream. I feel grateful. I did the Flying High Above tool somebody mentioned, and saw myself having made two significant feeling messages about two things important to me – and I’m glad I stepped back then and didn’t ‘announce’ or stomp (though the thought makes me feel powerful and giggle).

    I feel anger and pain when I feel in need of comfort. I feel afraid I’m pulling away from him. I feel better turning 180, then I feel anxious I should be making a power speech. I feel like deleting this… I feel ok here in bed blogging and I’ve felt calm this last few hours. I feel glad I have most of the weekend to do as I please.

  59.  #59heartbeat on February 27, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    Thank you Reflection – I feel comforted that you share a similar experience and pick up on the LIGHT!

  60.  #60pink flower on April 20, 2010 at 7:59 am

    wow, that works really well for me, when I fell bad, I alwyas put my hand on the spot and try to breath throught it, the sparks and energy coming from earth helps a lot

  61.  #61Ingrid on April 20, 2010 at 9:25 am

    I like this suggestion of the “emo-trance” and will try it today, but what I find works better for me is to pray. Pray to the God the Universe, when I am feeling upset, angry, tense, afraid, or just anytime at all. Pray, Lord calm me, take over my thoughts, my body, make me One with you and your will for me. Take away my anxiety. As it says in the Bible: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, in prayer and supplication, make your requests known to God, and He will supply us with the peace which surpasses all understanding.”

    Phillipians 4:6

    But I will and I do use Rori’s wave technique, imagining myself under water and waving my hands as if to feel the water current. I think we need to use all tools which we have.