Flu and Pain and Disaster and Everyday Peace

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Okay – it hit me.

I managed to not get my daughter’s cold, or my husband’s cold or anyone else’s – until now.

And – I’m doing fine, just “flue-y.” But for the first time in my awareness – I don’t feel like doing anything.

Not writing, not thinking, not walking.

I want to sleep.

I normally worry when I “can’t do stuff.”

I get frantic and panic in some part of my brain, and have to process and work with it all and do my tools to stay calm…and this time…I just feel calm.

I’m always aware of how not feeling great makes me feel vulnerable. I get in touch with that part of myself that isn’t like “everyday.”

But there’s always a point where I worry about it always being this way. That I’ll never have the energy to do what I want to do.

And though I know that’s just silly…or a part of me knows that and is trying to marshal the rest of me – there’s a part of me that resists knowing that, too.

There’s a part of me that’s always worrying about “the other shoe dropping.”

This time, though – I simply feel “peaceful.” I do. I know I’m blessed, and that as a writer, making my own hours, I don’t have to show up at work – and if I did – I would likely feel panicked.

And…what’s a “cold” anyway? I mean – sure I can feel peaceful – I’m not in Japan right now. I’m in my “everyday.”

And yet – how can I feel peaceful with the horribleness that is befalling Japan now? How dare I feel peaceful?

And I realize the answer: There is no other option.

Regardless of how activated and emotional we can get – regardless of what’s befalling us – we can either make ourselves more miserable or less miserable. And just looking at how the Japanese are reacting to this epic tragedy…they are – seemingly in every photo we see….about being less miserable.

I want to be like these people I see in photographs. I want to be like them. Panic seems to be a word that’s not in their vocabulary (at least that’s the way it looks to us from here). I want to accept what is and go from there…I want to be heroic and brave and deal with what’s happening without making things worse.

I want to be a person who finds peace no matter what.

Okay – fanciful. Easy for me to say. I’m here in my home, it’s easy to be peaceful…..and yet…

I know that even with everything outwardly looking “good” or even “okay” – we can so easily veer toward making ourselves more unhappy instead of less unhappy.

And “affirmations” about being happy don’t work when you feel unhappy. And saying “I feel peaceful” doesn’t work when you feel agitated. And saying “I’m so lucky – I should be happy” doesn’t work when you feel blue.

So – what’s the solution?

If, when you are being heroic – you can accept what is and move forward with as much peace as possible – then can we do it in the everyday?

Can we accept “what is” – even if it’s the blues, or fury, or rage or disappointment or glorious bliss – without putting some kind of “meaning” to it that changes it from simply “what is” to something we “make up about what is” in our minds?

That’s what I want to focus on here…living in the moment no matter what. If they can do it – I can do it, you can do it. and my panic and fear has absolutely nothing to offer the situation.

Anymore than panic and fear and worry about the state of your love life has anything to offer your love life.

If we can embrace disaster – and we HAVE to, because we have no choice except to embrace the disaster that happened in the last minute so we can make good, helpful decisions about what to do in the next minute – then we can focus on not giving it “meaning” and instead making things better as best we can.

And for us – in what we’re doing here – that simply means being aware of what’s really going on inside you and outside you without judging it or placing any “meaning” at all on it…and keeping moving forward along with time.

It means not focusing on feeling “good” as much as accepting how you DO feel and setting your compass for the best feeling choices you can make.

And for me – the best feeling I can put a word to is “peace.” Just the accepting feels good to me. I have been challenged in my life, and I know you have too – challenges that could have pushed us “under.”

But here you are, and here I am…and those challenges can be looked at lots of ways.

Today – I’m going for an accepting, peaceful feeling…and deciding that I can do the most good from that place. For me – choosing to feel peaceful with whatever I’m feeling is praying for peace. So that will be my everyday today.

Love, Rori

1 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    Yayy new article



  2.  #2luzydel on March 19, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    In other words… Let it be



  3.  #3Lilybelle on March 19, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    I feel the happiest in “what it.” Prior to this recent derailment, I lived this daily, along with having a certain sense of peace around me.

    It is strongly coming back.



  4.  #4Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    “I want to be a person who finds peace no matter what” because there is no other option and we have to accept what is.

    This reminds me of Eckhart Tolle who speaks about stillness. I found it boring listening to him but have to admit that it felt peaceful. Though we might not want to accept what is there really is no other option.



  5.  #5Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    Lorelie I posted this for you in the last article. I am reposting it again here because I suspect it might be useful for you. https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/thank-you-so-much/

    651. He walked me to my car and I stuck out my hand to shake his hand and said “Thank you for the drink. I enjoyed meeting you.” he took my hand and said “I wish you didn’t have to go. Are you sure I can’t take you to dinner and then maybe back to my place for some wine in my hot tub?” I said “No thanks, I really need to go now, but I’m free Thursday.” He pulled me in by my hand tried to kiss me and I turned my head away and said “oh, I don’t kiss people who are just friends. My heart and my body are a package deal. I’ve tried to separate them, but they love each other too much. And they love me too much to leave me unless it’s in exchange for a man’s heart.” I didn’t even expect that to come out of my mouth and it felt and sounded real and authentic when it did, not corny like it looks like written down here. LOL
    I smiled really big at him and got in my car. He was just standing there with his mouth open like he didn’t know what to think. I completely let go of the outcome and drove off.
    This morning when I woke up, I had 2 missed calls and messages from him, one from last night just after I fell asleep and one from this morning before I woke up. He wanted to make sure I was still free on Thursday so he can take me out for a really nice dinner, and he promised if I’d go out with him that he’d be on his best behavior. : )



  6.  #6Lilybelle on March 19, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    3:

    *what is*

    dork.



  7.  #7Jeannette on March 19, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    Girls, does anyone have any suggestions on how to lift up some one when they are depressed? My beau is very down because of his liver cancer and money problems. How can I possibly lift him up? We watch comedians on TV, I listen to him all the time and try to be there for him. Please give me some feedback if you would and thanks.



  8.  #8Daria on March 19, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    i feel crying when i read this article

    waah waah

    :_(

    today is my name Day: Sfanta Daria

    that felt good to hear

    and it felt good to go into small sobs and almost crying reading the article

    and i feel scared feeling the heat rise up in me again now

    🙁

    loving me

    even though my voice screams i hate me



  9.  #9Daria on March 19, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    I HATE YOU… SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3JFwd1bk4Q



  10.  #10Kristine on March 19, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    I agree our only option is to feel…feel at peace with ourselves and wish world peace to others and I pray…It gets me through and feeling at peace is very hard in these trying times.



  11.  #11Senior Lady Vibe on March 19, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    New post, new thread. Glory hallelujah!

    ~ A DAILY PRAYER FOR MANIFESTING YOUR SOULMATE
    Arielle Ford from “The Soulmate Secret”

    “God/Goddess and All That Is,
    In this moment I am grateful
    for the healing of my heart
    of everything that would stop me
    from attracting my soulmate.
    In this moment I remember that my perfect,
    right parter is magnetizing to me, and my only
    job is to rest in perfec awarenesss that my soulmate’s
    heart is already joined with mine as I
    “savor the waiting.”
    And so it is.”



  12.  #12Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    SLV On the heartbreak prevention question I have heard several coaches including Renee Piane suggest doing it in some way. Apparently guys will tell you the truth on the first date because they have some kind of code of honor with themselves. They all believe they are good guys. It should be done in a fun context say when he is giving a joke or being very open. Remember first dates are usually very light a fun so for me it seems an easy opening because why would he be single if he is so good? Renee Piane says they will go into telling you about the ex, if they hate their family etc. Last time I used it I heard about how the ex betrayed him and how he was not looking for commitment but was willing to have sex. So NEXT.



  13.  #13Daria on March 19, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    im sooo mad

    valentines day

    no body

    to love my boday

    UGH UGH UGH

    last year

    you and me

    you said

    you loved me

    NOW YOU SAY YOU DONT CARE

    what is this i see

    you dont come back to me

    when u dont come back to mee

    cant deal cant bear!!!

    **

    you keep telling her lies

    but to my surprise

    you aint comin back to me

    so sad

    over you

    i played myself

    for YOUUUU

    i hate you and me

    you never, give to mee

    take take

    thats what you want

    you forget

    even what i gave you

    I hate you

    i hate you

    I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW

    I HATE “YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!!

    I HATE!! Y”OU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!!!

    AAAAAGHHHH

    I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW

    I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOWWWW

    AGGGHHHHHHHH



  14.  #14Kristine on March 19, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    When you lean wayyy back with most men and they let you walk away does that mean they are not worthy?? I am gonna end up single for a long time, I told myself I will not chase not for fear of rejection but for the one I walk away from will come get me then I will know he is the one 🙂 Is that right?



  15.  #15Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    Jeannette I am not even sure I would even recommend you try to do that so I will not comment.



  16.  #16Lilybelle on March 19, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    FW: from the last thread..

    I totally am in touch with the fun, dorky side of me and I let it shine.



  17.  #17Jeannette on March 19, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    What do you mean Feminewoman?



  18.  #18Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    Jeannette I think I read something from Rori that we should not do that kind of thing because we are not their therapist. It seems if we try and it doesn’t work they turn around and blame us. I have to look for the reference but that is what I think I vaguely remember.



  19.  #19Jeannette on March 19, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    I see what you’re saying, I guess just listening is the best I can do and maybe being there for him when he wants. It’s just a little depressing for me too, because I wish to help him where I can.



  20.  #20Senior Lady Vibe on March 19, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    @12: Femininewoman says:
    “… Last time I used it I heard about how the ex betrayed him and how he was not looking for commitment but was willing to have sex. So NEXT….”

    I’m convinced. I would definitely want to know this. Ok, it’s in my routine. I just need some good “words” or a couple of variations.

    I have found guys will tell you not only on first date but in casual situations little stories come up and phrases about “what men do” and “what women do” that sort of thing. What they think about their friends, movies, etc Bingo, their personal philosophies and plans are right in there!

    xoxo
    SLV



  21.  #21Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    Jeannette

    Rori Raye sates that “it’s important to feel needd and to be able to make our man feel better. These are admirable qualities. These are wonderful, caring qualities. But putting these love, caring qualities first in a relationship, to the point where you feel bad if you can’t make HIM feel better, will DESTROY a man’s feelings for you!

    How can this be? There are two possibilities

    1. If you are in a position to help hi, then that means you are MORE TOGETHER than he is. And this will feel to him like YOU are more powerful than him, that you’re “wearing the pants” in the relationship – and that makes him feel bad – actually emasculated.

    OR

    2. If a man is feeling low, which happens to ALL of us from time to time – or if he’s just focussing on something that has nothing at all to do with us – and we take it PERSONALLY – we make him feel WORSE

    So he’s not only feeling bad from his own stuff, he also feels responsible for making you feel bad.

    He feels like LESS of a MAN. And he will blame US. He will get angry at US.

    A man is happiest in a relationship when he’s making YOU happy.”



  22.  #22Jeannette on March 19, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    I see what you are saying. I told him tonight that I would help him with the cost of fixing his truck. He’s having trouble getting it back on the road and he said he’s a little depressed over it and the trips to the hosp. for tests and MRI’s SO I said I could help him if he needed it. Did I make a mistake? He IS my fiance and I’ve never given him money in the past.



  23.  #23Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    Jeannette she says it is a habit. It is leaning forward and that we should stop it. She says to just smile and open your heart to him. When you do this he will naturally let you access your love when he shows up.



  24.  #24Lilybelle on March 19, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    23: Aren’t there extenuating circumstances when leaning forward, like in Jeanettes case, specifically, wouldn’t be considered leaning forward, but rather a loving gesture toward her finance? I would think in a case where he is sick, with cancer no less, that he would feel patronized by just a smile, a nod and an mmmmm or something like that.

    In the case of a deeply committed relationship where someone is ill like this, I would think that working towards a solution together would be beneficial. I can see in a dating situation where a siren wouldn’t want to give suggestions for solving his problems but would fare better by leaning back and silently supporting him, with a smile, a nod and such.

    I sense the situation with Jeanette is vastly different.
    I would be interested to hear Rori’s take on this as well as other Siren’s.

    lil



  25.  #25Lilybelle on March 19, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    dang typos…not FINANCE.

    fiance.

    sheesh



  26.  #26Lucy on March 19, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    Daria, I really relate to what you wrote on the other thread about sometimes wanting a man so badly for sex that you feel angry and desperate. 🙁 That happens to me a lot. I don’t have any guys I reach out to about it though. I just lie there by myself fuming. And sometimes feel like crying bc I am getting older and want to have lots more great sex with a man before age affects me adversely in that dept. My ex-h was a great lover and always desired going down on me, and was good at it. I miss that. I hope w



  27.  #27Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    Jeannette All I can say is that you already made the offer so at this point it is what it is. You cannot change the past now. You only mentioned about him being depressed earlier not that you had offered anything already.



  28.  #28Lucy on March 19, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    I hope we both find our amazing-lover-husbands soon.



  29.  #29Jeannette on March 19, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    Lilybelle, thanks for your words. He is just in such turmoil I want to show support. I felt it was humane at this point. And yes, I would also like hearing from other sirens.



  30.  #30Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    I think the fact that she said “if he needed it” left the ball in his court. I was referring to the depression and helping him through it.



  31.  #31Lilybelle on March 19, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    Your welcome, Jeanette. I am learning still and feel very curious about this.

    At any rate, I am thinking about you and your fiance and sending lots of thoughts upwards for you both.

    lil



  32.  #32Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    Jeannette there is an article from Rori in this category about If You Make More Money Than He Does not sure if it would apply but would recommend you read it.



  33.  #34Jeannette on March 19, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    Don’t kid yourselves girls, I DON”T make a lot of money, I pay my bills and I guess I am just grateful for that. We want to get married so bad but his medical bills would become OUR medical bills and that sucks. I am not a good candidate for living together either. I am old world and really it would be hard for me to change. Not because I don’t love it, it’s because all five of my children would be concerned. They want MOM cared for too.



  34.  #35kaitlyn on March 19, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    I met Tony Robbins at an event I was shooting years back. Casual convo lead to me saying, “I have to go to work tmrw.” He corrected me for the purpose of teaching me, “No. You GET to go to work tmrw.” What a more positive re-frame! Cool!



  35.  #36Lakshmi on March 19, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    Hi sirens,

    I think someone here posted a link on the last thread to a study or article that said women wished they had had more partners/more sex. Does anyone recall that? I was looking for it, but couldn’t find it. If you posted it, could you post it again? Thanks!



  36.  #37kaitlyn on March 19, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    36 No idea where the article is but I like 1 partner/lots of sex- from that 1 partner.



  37.  #38Jacqueline on March 19, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    daria -you ok? feeling any better – sounded bad….

    FW – can u repost that whole u r more together…it sounds fASCINATING – LOL

    sorry icing my hands typing left handed

    jolie i’m trying out jolie blonde for new nickname!



  38.  #39Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    Jacqueline I got it from a printed copy of the Bring Him Close: Get More Love, Romance and Relationship Bliss report I got from the loveromancerelationship.com temporary blog that was put up a few weeks ago when this one was down. I don’t have the actual url printed on it but it was a free report on the website that I took advantage of.



  39.  #40Jacqueline on March 19, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    thanks! really like it i have all this material to reviw…and something new is always catching my eye…smile

    ah switched to my right hand free



  40.  #41Jacqueline on March 19, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    wow this is so clearly put!

    Effective Communication equals Authenticity plus Timing minus Blame (EC = A+T-B).

    And yet many of us fall into the trap of blaming the other person in our relationship when we think we’re actually expressing our feelings.

    Let me show you what I mean.

    1. “I feel like every time I try to talk to you Larry, you’re too busy to pay attention.”
    2. “I feel you could get home in time to help Jason with his homework if you really wanted to.”
    3. “I feel as if I’m talking to myself.”

    What do you notice about these statements?

    Many of you probably noticed that they’re not actually your feelings even though each sentence begins with “I feel…” In fact, each statement is a statement of blame.

    How can we turn these into feeling statements?

    Here’s Some Suggestions for New Relationship Language:
    1. “I’m disappointed that what I’m saying to you isn’t enough to hold your attention.”
    2. “I’m angry when you don’t get home in time to help Jason with his homework.”
    3. “I’m lonely.”

    These are both subtle and powerful changes in language that express your actual feeling, without accusing or assigning blame in your relationship.

    If you’re used to communicating the old way, this will take some practice. But when you start to see the different results you get for your relationship with the new method, you’ll never go back.



  41.  #42Jacqueline on March 19, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    ok..last one but thanks very high quality stuff!!

    So here’s the deal – in the first six or so months you can seem compatible with just about anyone. You can feel close and connected with a guy that you’re actually not that close and connected with. You can feel deeply bonded to a man you don’t actually like or respect very much. It’s kinda scary.

    That dopamine stuff makes it so you only see each others good qualities – so the shiny, pretty parts of his personality will be all you notice, and the things that would normally send you running for the hills will seem like minor details.

    Or you won’t see them at all.

    It’s brutal, but true



  42.  #43Senior Lady Vibe on March 19, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    @41: Jacqueline says:
    “..;Here’s Some Suggestions for New Relationship Language:
    1. “I’m disappointed that what I’m saying to you isn’t enough to hold your attention.”
    2. ..“

    Hi Jacqueline…

    Oops, how did #1 get in there…? LOL 😆 Internet gurus at work…

    xoxo
    SLV



  43.  #44Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    RE 41 Jacqueline I see you made it to the website. I totally agree it is clearly put. I am learning so much from these experts and I am excited because I am seeing in my life the difference just changing a few words can make. Oh to be 20 years younger and getting a do over.



  44.  #45Senior Lady Vibe on March 19, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    @42: Jacqueline says:

    ”..,It’s brutal, but true…”

    I’m a witness… true…

    xoxo
    SLV



  45.  #46Senior Lady Vibe on March 19, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    @FW
    You’re still here. I don’t think this showed up on other thread. I was soaking up all your wise words and typng offline and struggling to get it “to take” on old thread.

    @2599: Femininewoman says:
    “…. I want to feel emotionally safe and know that someone will take care of my heart if I open up to them sexually. I am totally comfortable sharing that now….”

    Wise words, taking notes…FW, you are on a roll… 😀 this so touched me.

    xoxo
    SLV



  46.  #47Jacqueline on March 19, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    hey, two of my favorite ladies here tonite! SLV – yeah, that’s probably where my misconceived you can fall in love with anyone came from, lol – how are you, hope you are feeling sparky!! and – maybe? – sparkly?

    FW – I hear you! and you know – you couldn’t just click on a button back in the day, haha…AND we probably wouldn’t have learned a darn thing from coaches at younger ages…so….well, just gotta believe it’s all perfect timing and the next best thing is coming to us, huh? I think you are going to find like, the most fab man in the world from you cuz you’ve put so much into setting standards, learning the language or your heart, etc. It’s totally my hope…

    for us all!

    Happy Springtime everyone!

    Jolie blon



  47.  #48Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    RE 42 Was that Carol Allen. I think I posted part of that on the previous thread. It is only a pity that we don’t pay attention and read more. If we could only understand that it is brain chemical at work and just slow ourselves down. People don’t show their true selves until approx 6 months down the line, even on the job is what I have read. If only we women would just pay attention because guys use this to tailor their actions and their words around their experience with us in the first couple months. They know what to say and how to act to get to their goal. And if they are not in it for the long haul or not getting what they want they are outta here in 4 months. Then there are those who will string us along for a little longer if we will go with them. Not saying all are bad just that we need to Act Like Women but Think Like Men.



  48.  #49kaitlyn on March 19, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    I’d be a miracle if I had a relationship that lasted 6 months.



  49.  #50Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    Miracles do happen if we just believe.



  50.  #51kaitlyn on March 19, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    Even if you’re athiest and more the pragmatic type thinker?



  51.  #52Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    Regardless of what we believe and how we think our mind is a tool that can be used to create our reality. I am game for trying. I have enough experience with synchronicity and dreams to believe that miracles can happen.



  52.  #53Senior Lady Vibe on March 19, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    @48: Femininewoman says:
    “…If we could only understand that it is brain chemical at work and just slow ourselves down. People don’t show their true selves until approx 6 months down the line…”

    I totally, totally get this. The initial spark gives me something to work with, to build upon. However, I do not believe I can rely just on that feeling to protect myself and build the best relationship. My opinion (and maybe a few others…)…

    xoxo
    SLV



  53.  #54Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Dr. Paul says Why does falling in love feel so good? It is because we expand our boundaries and have more influence on the world around us for no work. The scientific definition of love is the sharing of self-esteem. We can only share that when we are overflowing with it.



  54.  #55kaitlyn on March 19, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    54 Interesting. My ex had LOW self-esteem but had no problem sharing his heart and mind with me.



  55.  #56Jacqueline on March 19, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    FW – that’s very very interesting and useful for me if it applies to jobs…but I’ve known it about men for a long time –

    I’ll amuse us and tell the story again! I met a guy in a bar and he says, what you see is what you get – and I’m like, NAAAAH…you’ll be any dang thing I want you to be for about six months….THEN what I see will be what I get.

    lol

    I am very impressed with you getting so much from Dr. Paul, I got his program and dvd’s and actually talked to him on the phone – but it was too “dry”? maybe for me….or I got the wrong program? The one that focused on Goddess archetypes a lot….

    but I’m so glad you can assimilate it and get value from it – he’s genius for real, as in I bet he tests for mensa iq!

    Hi, Kaitlyn! 6 months is right around the corner…training wheels and baby steps!!

    Jolie



  56.  #57Kristine on March 19, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    I always say DO NOT MISTAKE MY KINDNESS FOR WEAKNESS, you have to really protect your heart and really know someone before you give too much of yourself to anyone…just the way it is.



  57.  #58Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    Jacqueline,

    He was a guest speaker in CCarter’s From Casual to Committed that is where I heard it on disc 5 or 6 I think. Plus I also get his email newsletters. He has a little different angle but general information seems to be the same.



  58.  #59kaitlyn on March 19, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    “Hi, Kaitlyn! 6 months is right around the corner…training wheels and baby steps!!”

    Thanks. I’m learning. So far, I’ve had botox that’s lasted longer than my relationships.



  59.  #60Kristine on March 19, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    I am horrible at taking my own advice I am one of those want to believe he is who he says he is from day one…unfortunately not the case and I have learned the hard way but am trying to better my instincts on a daily basis



  60.  #61Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 8:59 pm

    That’s the way guys are Kristene. I have to review CCarter’s information about the love map. He says that guys have doubts very early on and start asking questions. We get them later and then the cycle starts over again. He describes it as unconscious engagement and conscious engagement. It seems we get to each stage at different times and the woman is usually first to be consciously engaged, before the guy has even given any thought about what he really wants to do. Then we start questioning him and making harsh requests and having the relationship talk which mostly push the guys away. He says we would be better off being comfortable with uncertainty.



  61.  #62Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    RE 60 Me too Kristine, which is why I like the lean back tool so much. I can really pay attention to my intuition during this time and allow the guy to show up if he so wishes.



  62.  #63Kristine on March 19, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    Yes so true CCarter speaks a lot of truth and some of it seems to trigger me in a lot of ways, but I guess that is healthy 🙂



  63.  #64Alonka on March 19, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    Kaitlyn,

    Read your men forecast on the prior page LOL.. It sounds like you need to change your target population. Even if it’s just for a while. E.g. if you meet men in clubs or fashion events, forget that and switch to book signings;P (yes, I know, you only want to attend one person’t book signing). You know what I mean? Gives you the whole diff perspective on things.



  64.  #65Senior Lady Vibe on March 19, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    @58: Femininewoman says:
    “…He has a little different angle but general information seems to be the same…”

    What would you say is his general outlook, if it’s possible to sum it up. It probably isn’t exactly possible but is there a little way he differs from say, Rori, EMK, CC? Does he have a main focus on best way to find soul mate beloved?

    xoxo
    SLV



  65.  #66Kristine on March 19, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    Yes I am so leaned back it’s really hard sometimes but it does work out for the better..I feel much better and less stressed about men and what they feel or don’t feel. I am focused on me and my life if they want to be apart of it wonderful if not well that’s ok too! Moving right along life is too short.



  66.  #67Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 9:08 pm

    CCarter says it is during the tough times when doubts arise that people show how they will behave down the line when difficult situations arise. When we allow ourselves to become unglued as in letting him have it or in some way demonstrate that we can’t handle our emotions the guys imagine that is the way we will be when he makes big mistakes and they dislike being embarrassed in public.

    I am open to this kind of thinking because last year I had an identity theft scare and I literally had a melt down in front of my daughter. I was an emotional mess and I felt she must have been embarassed and disgusted looking at me breakdown like that. I couldn’t help myself or think start when I went to the bank. It was then I realized how guys must see us and think of us when we act certain ways.

    I also remember a girlfriend putting on a show at the airport once when her boyfriend was going away to college. He was embarassed, I was embarassed but she thought she was showing him how much she will miss him. He broke up with her shortly thereafter. Not saying he was right, just saying we have to look at ourselves and what we are saying about ourselves because stressing or suffering about something that we cannot change really cannot build attraction.



  67.  #68Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 9:09 pm

    Yes, life is too short.



  68.  #69Alonka on March 19, 2011 at 9:14 pm

    Went to a nice party tonight and got some compliments form guys.. one person took my number. But my vibe is just not what it should be.. I was sooo serious, don’t even know how he took my number LOL. I wouldn’t have taken my number:)

    Saw the guy I was so crazy about online on a dating site this morning.. he is still looking apparently. I met him 2 years ago and he is still looking. he is super smart, super intelligent, super cultured, super attractive ( don’t care how much he weighs) It’s my fault he broke up with me last time, I initiated a call. He spent the night with me, called me the next day, but sounded a bit distant and I took a girlfriend’s advice, and called him 3 days later myself. Just a cute funny passionate message. That did it;)

    On the other hand – why didn’t he find anyone in 2 years??



  69.  #70Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    He does it from how the psyche work. He used the characters in Sex and the City to prove that certain personality types naturally match with their opposites. He describes them as King/Queen/Magician/Lover/Warrior. Can’t remember how they match up but I remember that he says to applaud, literally clap when to test if someone is a magician, he will enjoy it. Magicians are usually people who like being on stage, in the spot light. Kign/Queen likes to be in charge and people tend to go them with their problems. I think he said King and Lovers go together such as Carrie and Big. He says when people of the same emotional style pair up they end up working too hard over the long haul to make it work and will have to go outside the relationship to get emotional energy. Basically he recommds identifying the emotional style that you use and look for your opposite. If found his way a bit too complicated to really fully absorb the details but he is very into mythical Goddesses and give exercise for us to use in experimenting out in the world. I have posted a few in the past.



  70.  #71Kristine on March 19, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    On the other hand – why didn’t he find anyone in 2 years??…translation It’s great he single and we connected who knows what the future holds 🙂



  71.  #72Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 9:24 pm

    Seems US has fired on Libya.



  72.  #73Alonka on March 19, 2011 at 9:27 pm

    Kristine,

    Thanks, but we did not connect;) We will never talk again. I just saw that he was online. after his speech about me being a foreigner, coming from a diff culture, him not knowing what I did in these other countries were I lived, him accusing me of wanting an exclusive long-term, him not caring deeply about me and wanting to date other people, I believe it’s done;)



  73.  #74Lucy on March 19, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    My experience is different about that six month thing. “What you see is what you get” has been true right from the start with all the guys I’ve been in relationship with – except my ex-h. I was shocked when he showed his true colors bc evry other man had shown his right from the start. I feel curious about this. I think part of it was him “faking,” and part of it was me being super-vulnerable when we met bc of giving my baby up for adoption, and I ignored my intuition w him. But every other guy, yeah, I kne



  74.  #75Alonka on March 19, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    #73: I mean that he yelled he did not feel ‘this way’ about me and wanted to date other people.

    Why he yelled I don’t know, we were just talking.



  75.  #76Lucy on March 19, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    knew what he was like, positive and negative qualities seen very clearly. Anyone else not fit tht six month model? I can’t imagine I’m thw only one…



  76.  #77Kristine on March 19, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    @75 He would have to yell only one time right…good call…I understand that..



  77.  #78Jacqueline on March 19, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    SLV – Dr. Paul is largely into masc/fem differences; and the male ego being very tied into income, provider, etc. and the female being – I don’t know, you know I just can’t figure out what they are saying we are being. There’s a personality test and his more recent work focuses a lot on what femininity is – eg, the female goddess archetypes. He’s an actual psychiatrist and you have to pay to be on his forum…his newsletter will lead you to his blog where there are some great nuggets of wisdom –

    so, I don’t really understand what he’s saying women are – receptive? creative? not passive, for sure – but I do really get a lot out of what he says about men.

    An excerpt from this weeks blog q&a –

    My small success story…..

    I met someone on eharmony. Communicated via email a few times. He texted me one night. Just getting to know each other stuff etc. He asked if we could communicate the next day. I said sure…I work til 9pm so any time after that.

    Well he text the next morning with a good morning etc. I smiled and thought that was nice. Well the pm came and no call. At 10:15 he text me: “Because I respect people, I want to do my part for one last time to make sure. Since u didn’t answer my text this morning and haven’t heard form u I take it ur not interested in me”.

    In the past I may have apologized etc and thought I had to hold on to this guy because he was interested in me etc. Well……. this time I thought PSYCHO! and told him we weren’t right for each other etc.

    Baby steps…..

    ANSWER from the women’s forums at http://www.womenshappiness.com/forum:

    A: Sounds like your last sentence is where you really are with things. It’s not about this guy. You unconsciously or consciously sabotaged any chance of getting together.

    How would you feel if you sent something nice to someone and they NEVER acknowledged it?

    You would take it as a rejection, and maybe not contact them to tell them so, or maybe you would.

    Frankly, the way it all reads verbatim, I don’t see what’s so “weird” or “psycho” about the guy.

    His response was the opposite of “stalker” – he had the decency to clue you in to why he won’t be contacting you again – that your lack of response led him to conclude you were rejecting him, and bye bye.

    Or maybe you had zero attraction and just didn’t feel like contacting him.

    Onward I guess.

    Personal growth may be the way to go for a time…

    For more on understanding masculine instincts, see The Seventh Sense Program, and for much more about boundaries and high-character conduct relationships, see MindOS.

    and last week’s with some interesting stuff about Natalie Portman – with a very rational reasoning about guys and texting which is so dissapointing for us, lol….

    like I said, take what you like and leave the rest –

    She met him on the set of the Black Swan, where he was the celebrity choreographer.

    Benjamin Millepied is the Brad Pitt of the dance world, and very few people know this in the mainstream public.

    The mother of his child, and bride-to-be is the former child star and darling of the Academy of Film Arts and Sciences, Hollywood, and the world.

    She won Best Actress in a Motion Picture at this year’s Oscars, and many are already abuzz about the “Marriage Curse of the Oscars” – namely that it seems as soon as a woman wins in this category, the man in her life might as well be packing his bags to move out of the house, and out of the marriage.

    Continue Article at Women’s Happiness Blog >>

    [Back to Top]

    QUESTION AND ANSWERS of the week

    QUESTION from the women’s forums at http://www.womenshappiness.com/forum:

    Dear Dr. Paul:

    I’m new to this blog and your concepts. Really getting a lot out of it that I think will be helpful to me.

    I just listened to the “He Texts Too Much’ teleseminar hoping it might give me some insights into why a guy I “chat” with on facebook for hour upon hour and who also texts me back and forth quite a lot, would be hesitant to talk on the phone.

    The facebook/text conversations have been going on for many months and we have shared a lot with each other in that time. We have spoken a few times on the phone but not for some time. Is this something that happens a lot these days? I’m not sure what’s going on here and why he might want to keep the distance, but at the same time seek me out via text/facebook.

    In terms of KWML, I am the Lover type (with some Queen/Warrior tendencies) and I think that he is most probably a warrior. I took the test at both http://www.kwml.com and on facebook at http://www.apps.facebook.com/kwmlpersonality.

    Emily,

    Boston, MA

    ANSWER from the women’s forums at http://www.womenshappiness.com/forum:

    As in the teleseminar, it’s both common, and normal male instinct to jump onto new technology that makes their lives more efficient. Remember men aren’t as into the emotional bonding and expression as women are, so to them, an entire communication by text can make them feel great, and even CLOSE to you, because it frees them to be pursuing other things like career even if they are into you and only you.

    Often when they turn to the phone (huge chance for you to reject or end the calls, especially early in dating), they don’t want to – feels more risky to their self-esteem and efficiency, but they capitulate to your needs when they have a mature capacity for empathy, and do so. It doesn’t mean they like it. It’s a gift to you because they know you don’t like texting.

    It would be the same as you attending a football game for four hours when you don’t like football, just because you know your man likes football and will give you hugs and feel close to you for attending. That’s how they feel about dropping the texting in favor of phone.

    Instinct diffces between men and women are in the CFE at:



  78.  #79Jacqueline on March 19, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    ohh…had a bunch of links in there – went into mod about Dr. Paul…

    maybe will show up later; and goodnite lovely ladies –

    J



  79.  #80Kristine on March 19, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    This whole 6 month thing…you know I think most people men and women in general are going to be a lot different in 6 months.



  80.  #81Alonka on March 19, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    #77: Yes, he was hysterical and my respect for him just went down



  81.  #82Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    From Paige Parker of Dating Without Drama

    MEN’S 7 SECRET COMMITMENT FEARS…
    AND HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME THEM

    1. HIS FEAR: He’ll have to give up his independence and spend every free moment with you.

    HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME IT: Make it a priority to have your own life too!

    I’m sure this isn’t news to you, but guys really value their “alone time.” It’s nothing personal – they just like to take a night here and there to unwind, NOT clean their apartment, play Xbox, and eat Macaroni and Cheese right out fo the pot they cooked it in.

    They also need “guy time” once in a while – which basically means they’ll do all the above…except with their buddies.

    When YOU have a full, happy life of friends, hobbies, a career and interests, you’ll naturally value your “me” time too. You’ll love the time you spend with your boyfriend but you’ll also have other great stuff going on.

    When your man sees that he doesn’t have to beg for a night off from cuddling on the couch with you – but rather really has to make an effort to make plans in advance and get date time with you on the calendar or risk having to compete with yoga or girls’ night out – he will be CLAMORING for a commitment with you. This makes you exciting,
    unpredictable, and valuable, and he’s going to do what it takes to make sure he’s a part of your life.

    And you’ll feel pretty spectacular too!

    2. HIS FEAR: You’ll try to change him.

    HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME IT: Show him that you accept him for who he is or give him a CHOICE (not an ultimatum!) to change.

    So your boyfriend is a bad dresser/social smoker/
    obsessive football-game watcher/ (insert your
    undesired trait here) and you want him to change.

    Well I can tell you one surefire method that WON’T get you the results you want:

    Nagging.

    Listen, I understand that some habits and characteristics are much worse than others. Wearing the same t-shirt 5 days in a row isn’t on the same level as having a drug problem.

    But when it comes to wanting your man to change, the same principle is true for all circumstances:

    We never have control over anyone else’s actions but our own. What you CAN do is make your boyfriend aware of how his behavior affects you. It’s up to him, then, to choose to change or adapt.

    If he is unable or unwilling, then it’s up to you to
    decide whether you want to continue a relationship with him.

    3. HIS FEAR: You’ll go from being the fun, cool woman he’s dating to a clingy, needy girlfriend.

    HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME IT: Show him, through your confidence and self-reliance, just how fulfilled you are… and needy you AREN’T!

    As human beings, we all have needs. That’s a given. How we choose to get our needs fulfilled, however, is up to us.

    There’s a very important distinction that all women need to grasp:

    Dating a great guy WILL enrich your already happy and full life.

    HOWEVER…It WILL NOT “fix” your problems or take away feelings of sadness.

    If you feel lonely, bored or down, don’t fool yourself into thinking that calling, emailing, texting & instant-messaging your boyfriend incessantly is the answer.

    Melodramatic scenes and crying fits are not the answer.

    Now don’t misunderstand me here: Leaning on someone who cares about you when you’ve had a bad day is totally acceptable (it comes with the territory in a healthy relationship).

    Expecting him to make you whole is another story entirely.

    If you do, he will start to feel the crushing pressure of being responsible for your well-being (which, in reality, is up to you and only you) and this will most definitely freak him out.

    The sense of security that you long for can only come from developing confidence in yourself.

    4. HIS FEAR: he’ll have to be accountable to you for everything (his whereabouts, how he spends his time & money, his decisions).

    HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME IT: Don’t try to control him.

    I’m sure you’re aware of that ugly stereotype: “the
    psycho girlfriend.”

    Sadly, the stereotype exists for a reason. In other words, enough crazy women have practically ruined it for the rest of us by trying to control their boyfriend’s every move.

    Thanks to the legend of the “psycho girlfriend,” your man might worry that one day you’ll turn into her. That means that, no matter how hard you try to ensure that your tone isn’t shrill or accusatory, a RED FLAG goes up whenever you ask the following:

    * “Where WERE you last night?”
    * “Why didn’t you pick up your phone?”
    * “You’re going out with the guys AGAIN?”
    * “Are any WOMEN going to be at this ‘work party?'”

    So here’s a good rule of thumb: If you trust your man, TRUST him. Don’t give him the third degree or he’s gonna get freaked out. And if you DON’T trust him, well, all the interrogating in the world isn’t going to fix that. Decide whether YOU’ve got trust issues (then work on them) or HE’s untrustworthy (then get rid of him!).

    5. HIS FEAR: He’ll lose his identity… that “I” will
    automatically become “We.”

    HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME IT: Don’t be afraid to have your own thoughts, feelings, ideas and opinions… and express them!

    We often are so eager to make a special connection with a man that we (consciously or subconsciously) start to mirror him. If he’s a huge soccer fan, we become a huge soccer fan (even if
    we truly hate watching sports). If he’s a night owl, we change our 10pm bedtime to 2am. If he’s a wine connoisseur, we trade our wine cooler for white Bordeaux.

    While it’s wonderful to be able to learn new things and broaden our horizons while getting closer to someone we care about, we must be careful not to become a clone of him!

    Remember, he fell for YOU, and he wants to know what you REALLY think about everything from politics to the paparazzi. When he suggests a hiking trip and you would rather climb a Stairmaster,
    he wants to know! He’d much rather you speak up and say, “I’d really love to do a beach weekend instead.”

    The most interesting relationships are when two people share interests but also bring some differences to the table. He wants to date YOU, not himself.

    6. HIS FEAR: the exciting relationship he has with you now will grow stale, become routine, or won’t last.

    HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME IT: Don’t get too “comfortable” too quickly.

    Being single can really suck. So it’s only natural that when you meet a great guy, you feel ready to jump head first into a relationship.

    However, the “courtship” phase – where you take things a little bit slow, get to know one another, flirt, etc – is not only exciting but important.

    You really shouldn’t try to skip over it.

    By that I mean forcing your relationship to accelerate to a place where everything is familiar and, well, comfortable.

    Get dressed up and go out on a dinner date! The time for movie night in your sweats will come soon enough.

    The same goes for your “personal items.” Don’t show up at his apartment on date 3 with your pink toothbrush and a box of tampons and ask if he can clear a spot in his medicine cabinet for you.

    Take your time. Enjoy the MYSTERY for a while…

    If things get too comfortable too soon, he could get freaked!

    7. HIS FEAR: He’ll immediately be on the path to marriage without having any say in the matter.

    HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME IT: Keep your “relationship time line” to yourself for now … or better yet, be open to the idea that there may be an even better plan for your life that you haven’t yet dreamed!

    You see, men love adventure. At heart they long to be explorers, discoverers, conquerors. So the quickest way to freak a man out is to let him know that you have a PLAN for the entire course of your relationship that leaves no room for chance, change, or the twists and turns that life may bring.

    If you want to see your boyfriend break the Guinness Record for World’s Fastest Man (running away from you) just try uttering this phrase:

    “Wow, I’m so glad I met you. This means that we can totally get engaged by Christmas and – wow – wouldn’t a New Year’s Eve wedding be soooo romantic? Then we can move in right next door to my parents in Jersey! And then they can babysit
    for Mary-Kate and Ashley, our twin girls that I want to have by the time I’m 30.”

    A word to the wise: while you’re casually dating, don’t spell out all of your future plans to him.

    If your boyfriend is smart, he’ll realize that you’re a keeper and start dreaming of all of the amazing things he’ll experience if he chooses a life with you. (You can wait until later to veto the parasailing over the Grand Canyon.)

    You see, many men freak out when relationships start to get serious because they apply their fears about the CONCEPT of a commitment to the idea of a commitment with YOU.

    When your behavior tells him loud and clear that you’re not that crazy stereotype of a ‘soul sucking girlfriend,’ he’ll soon realize that he’s got nothing to be afraid of.

    So I recommend that you follow my guidelines, give your relationship a chance to GROW …

    And give your MAN a chance to GROW UP…

    And that will pave the way for him to want to learn everything about you, be inspired to become an even better person because of you, and willingly plan for a future with you –

    Without getting FREAKED OUT!



  82.  #83Kristine on March 19, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    @80…yes that feels ick…just smile and walk away.



  83.  #84Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    Kristine frankly speaking I don’t even know myself. I have heard some version of that for years but now that I am doing Rori’s work and becoming conscious of some parts of myself that I did not even realize existed I don’t know how I could assume that I know somebody else in less than 5 months when I don’t even really know my own self after living with me for over 40 years.



  84.  #85Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    You know Alonka if I were in your shoes I would look for my part in how I might have caused the hysterics. I know you are different than I am but I have heard CCarter say communication is the RESPONSE you get. I now believe that so I take responsibility for everything that happens in my life. I recently had a guy who raised his voice what I did was ask him “are you angry”. He just responded that was how he expresses himself but he subsequently lowered his voice. What I am saying is if I get triggered because of something external to me they must have the same experience and as CCarter suggests if we can identify their buttons we can adjust our communication with them.



  85.  #86Kristine on March 19, 2011 at 9:56 pm

    @83…I believe we all learn something about ourselves everyday and it’s healthy…it’s supposed to be this way or we would be perfect at decisions in our life. You couldn’t be more correct sometimes you just want to believe in the beginning that someone is what they say they are..guess that is where we got the phrase ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS EVER WILL



  86.  #87Lisi on March 19, 2011 at 9:56 pm

    I didn’t realize a new thread was up. I’ll re-post this from the end of the last thread:

    @2519 Femininewoman –

    Thank you for the insightful response.

    I actually took your advice and didn’t contact him at all. This afternoon, I got a text. I was stressed when we spoke on Monday, and he was very sweet and offering to help me. This afternoon’s text was: “still stressed?”

    So, totally ignoring that he no-called, no-showed on Thursday, didn’t contact Thurs or Fri.

    I didn’t answer, because I just wasn’t ready to.

    This evening, I got two texts, saying that I must still be stressed. “I take that as a yes” or something like that.

    I haven’t answered that, either.

    Maybe this is a game, but I would like him to go to bed and get up wondering if he’s ever going to hear from me again.

    Cuz I did that Thursday night.

    I do want him to miss me, and to feel what it would feel like if I weren’t around.

    I am back and forth about whether I’m done with this relationship.

    I may end it. I may not. I haven’t decided.

    I certainly do not want to stay in a dynamic where he’s always frakking up and I’m always mad and he’s always apologizing.

    That’s no fun for anyone.

    I guess we’ll see.

    Lisi



  87.  #88Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 10:07 pm

    Lisi the important thing here IMHO is that the attraction is still there. Ending it would be seeking closure which is what Rori advises against. He is not perfect, you are not perfect. He might not be sure how to offer love.



  88.  #89Lisi on March 19, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    thanks, FW,

    I feel like Carrie Fisher’s character in “When Harry Met Sally.” She’s having an affair with a married man, and keeps coming to the realization that he’s never gonna leave her.

    Then Sally will agree that he’s never gonna leave her.

    And Carrie Fisher’s character will say, “You’re right. I know you’re right.”

    Only to come on screen and have the exact same revelation a few minutes later.

    My friends and I call these “When Harry Met Sally Moments” — when you suddenly realize the same thing you’ve realized ten other times.

    As we often remind each other — that’s what this blog is for.

    Process until you don’t need to process….

    Lisi



  89.  #90Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Dr. Paul

    One of the great things about this natural way to
    become your own matchmaker is that just by being YOU, you are everything the man naturally wants and needs.

    This is one of those things that I sometimes have to
    argue with women over, because as you know there are certain things in life that we DO need to change about ourselves to get what we want.

    But not this one. We can just BE WHO WE ARE and not need to change – viola! We then get what we want and need.

    So….

    YOUR ASSIGNMENT:

    With three attractive men you encounter this weekend, you are to approach them with the knowledge of whether you are a Lover or Warrior female. If you don’t know, you can take the beginner’s test at http://www.kwml.com, or to be ASSURED of what you are, do the home study course called KWML Mastery.

    Then if testing for a Warrior, accuse him of being a
    “powerful man.” If he lights up with pleasure at your
    comment, then he may be a Warrior. Extra credit – if he is certainly a Warrior, he will likely laugh and be
    entertained when you do this. If there’s any delay or
    he doesn’t know what you mean, he’s NOT, and you can set your sights elsewhere.

    If testing for a Lover, challenge him to a test, such
    as one upping another man in the vicinity to win you
    over, or to go take care of something with the waitstaff. Then judge his boldness and assertiveness
    right to his face – a personal challenge from you to
    him.

    Then ask him to tell his story to you – what is he all
    about. If he seemed a bit nervous with the testing,
    then deeply relaxes and appreciates the chance to tell you the story of his life, he is a lover. If he is
    annoyed by these dynamics, or is too skilled at jumping through your hoops, he is NOT a Lover.

    Then take the evening where you will – you have likely found a new friend!

    See you next week!



  90.  #91Femininewoman on March 19, 2011 at 10:24 pm


  91.  #92nanceen on March 19, 2011 at 10:42 pm

    2554: kaitlyn:

    “Let him talk. You can always ask him…“I don’t want to be putting pressure on you…do you want me to date other men so that there’s less pressure as we go along?”

    Kaitlyn you should get the Best Speech of the Month Award. Truly this replaces the standard one.

    Also need to say goodbye to everybody. I wont be able to come back. Love to all laughing godess please email me. I lost your email.



  92.  #93Lisi on March 19, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    Well, apparently, I’m a lover, and I’m looking for a warrior.

    Interestingly, one of the first things I said to B. was that he was obviously a “real man” because of the things he knew how to do.

    I was testing for a warrior — wasn’t I?

    He loved it. He was flattered. And, he remembered it well enough to tell me 6 months later that’s part of why he liked me right off.

    How interesting!

    Lisi



  93.  #94Senior Lady Vibe on March 19, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    Ohhh, I did that Dr. Paul thing and I don’t like it and I dont’ like who I’m supposed to find either. Yikes!



  94.  #95turquoise3 on March 19, 2011 at 11:37 pm

    Jeannette,

    I’m so sorry to hear that your fiance has liver cancer. I lost my sister last year to breast cancer, which over time spread from her breast, to her bones and then her liver.

    You asked how you could help lift someone up, and I can’t imagine a relationship coach or therapist alive who wouldn’t encourage you to support and be there for your finace who has a life threatening illness. You are planning to say for better or for worse, in sickness and in health…

    My sister’s husband is a wonderful man, great provider, but he was not very outwardly emotional in the beginning, tried to be supportive by saying everything would just be ok, and I know she struggled with that, because she was scared. Things did get better and he went to many of her treatments with her, all her major dr. appintments… really tried to make her happy, not criticize or complain. They had huge medical bills and it was very stressful for her, she didn’t want to put that financial burden on her family. But, when she was healthy enough he tried to make her dreams come true, trips, concerts, a car she loved…. I don’t know if he’ll ever get the medical bills all paid off, but we knew the graveness of her illness, and once it spread, it was no longer a curable disease. It’s just a terrible situation that people have to go through on top of dealing with the illness. I know men are proud, and taking financial help from a woman is difficult, but if he has no other option, it could be a relief for him to know you’d help him that way. If he accepts, you can always say something about him paying you back if it seems strained.

    Does he have a support group, family, etc? I’m from a big family and we all wanted to be there for Sherry, but I know she felt we didn’t truly understand, so she had a support group that she went to, and a close relationship with her medical team.

    To cheer her up, we spent time with her, tried to take her mind off her illness and help her feel normal. Liver cancer can be so painful, that that may not always be possible, and the side effects from the treatments can be rough, but I’m sure he’ll appreciate your efforts. Being a woman, I’d imagine she talked a lot more about how she felt than he does, but it’s a gift for you to just be there to listen to him and hold his hand. Sometimes I think people just need someone who will listen and show they care. It’s not about what you say back, beyond that you love them and are there for them.

    Some things we did to cheer her up were,

    Taking trips, concerts, movies, talked about all the books we were reading, shopping, eating out, etc. We also made her scrapbooks of her life because it was something she wanted, but never took the time to do herself… she had friends go and keep her company during her treatments in Ohio, we went with her to her ones in Pittsburgh, and she loved to have everyone try on her wigs, even the men in our family. We have some crazy pictures from one Christmas 🙂

    Being a guy, maybe go see a sporting event for a team he likes, take a nice drive, plan a picnic and a fishing trip if he likes to fish, go bowling or mini golfing if he feels up to being active, take walks, go play with puppies at the pet store, plan new meals, maybe try some foods you’ve never had before… whatever his hobbies or interests are, just be creative. etc. If it comes from your heart, I think he’ll appreciate how well you love him and feel secure in the fact that even though he has so many other difficulties to face, he’s not doing it alone.



  95.  #96Lorelei on March 19, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    89 – FW

    I did the Dr Paul test, and apparently I’m a Lover looking for a Warrior too!

    This is interesting, because I have a sneaky suspicion that I have always tended to be attracted to, or to want, sensitive, caring Lover types. Or if they weren’t, I’ve wanted them to be like that. Duh.

    I’m struggling to think of any man I know/have known who might be a Warrior. I can think of Kings and Magicians.

    Warriors? Maybe I haven’t recognised them yet. But it seems that the point is to test, by asking the question (of men who seem attractive to us?) anyway, to see if he recognises the description of himself and lights up with recognition. . . . .



  96.  #97Lorelei on March 20, 2011 at 12:00 am

    FW post no. 5

    ““oh, I don’t kiss people who are just friends. My heart and my body are a package deal. I’ve tried to separate them, but they love each other too much. And they love me too much to leave me unless it’s in exchange for a man’s heart.”

    Thanks reposting. i remember being struck by this when it was first posted. I’m really impressed by what came out of the woman’s mouth in the moment, without having being rehearsed – authenticity AND clear boundaries AND an elegant turn of phrase, at the moment she needed them!



  97.  #98Winnie on March 20, 2011 at 2:11 am

    @ 78 and others re Dr Paul

    Very weird to see my post to Dr Paul going around and around on the web, firstly being changed to Emily from Boston for his eletter, then turning up here! lol

    I’ve been through a couple of his DVD programs and find them very interesting.

    His perspective is mainly that in order to have a long lasting relationship that is happy and fulfilling in every way that we want it to be, we must find a person who is compatible with all three parts of our brain.
    1. Reptilian Brain which is purely instinctive and is in essence about sexual attraction and goes into the differences between men and women which are due to our instinctive differences. ie. Why career is so important to men and why bonding is so important to women. Must have a genuine sexual attraction for their to be any chance of a real and long lasting soulmate relationship.
    2. Mammalian Brain. This is the next stage and is about the emotions. Friendship and love stage. This is where the King,Warrior,Magician,Lover personality types come in. For a long lasting compatible love relationship need to have opposite type.
    King/Queen opposite type is Magician
    Warrior opposity type is Lover.
    His theory is that opposite personality types make the best long term partnerships because they help each other develop the aspects of their personality type that are less developed. ie. Bring out the best in each other and growth for both.
    3. Higher/Intellectual Brain. Once you have compatibility of Reptilian and Mammalian Brains need to establish whether there is compatibility at the level of the higher brain. This is about have similiar values and beliefs as each other (not about opposites at this level)

    He is also very much about developing observing ego and feminine and masculine roles. About “leaning back”

    I’ve just been typing off the top of my head with what I have written above so hope I’ve got it all straight! There is much more to each of the stages than I’ve mentioned but I think I’ve covered the key points. I’m finding it very helpful and very compatible with much of what Rori teaches.



  98.  #99Winnie on March 20, 2011 at 2:13 am

    Arghh!! I should learn to proof read! Sorry for typos and their instead of there etc! Such a mirror for me!!!



  99.  #100kaitlyn on March 20, 2011 at 2:31 am

    ALONKA,

    “Read your men forecast on the prior page LOL.. It sounds like you need to change your target population. Even if it’s just for a while. E.g. if you meet men in clubs or fashion events, forget that and switch to book signings;P (yes, I know, you only want to attend one person’t book signing). You know what I mean? Gives you the whole diff perspective on things.”

    I’m definitely not a club person. Maybe a dive bar. But I did meet a guy at the book signing for He’s Just Not That Into You. We went on 2 dates. He wasn’t that into me.



  100.  #101Winnie on March 20, 2011 at 2:33 am

    96: Lorelei says:
    “This is interesting, because I have a sneaky suspicion that I have always tended to be attracted to, or to want, sensitive, caring Lover types. Or if they weren’t, I’ve wanted them to be like that. Duh.”

    We are often attracted to the same personality type as ourselves because they are LIKE us and make very good friends. Dr Paul would say that they would probably not be the best for a long lasting love relationship though.

    Lorelei
    “Warriors? Maybe I haven’t recognised them yet. But it seems that the point is to test, by asking the question (of men who seem attractive to us?) anyway, to see if he recognises the description of himself and lights up with recognition. . . . .”

    I suppose you could ask directly, but I think the idea is more about understanding the personality traits that each type exhibits so that you are able to recognise them when you see them : ) I’m a Lover looking for a Warrior too. Apparently more males are warriors than any other type and more women are Lovers than any other type!



  101.  #102Winnie on March 20, 2011 at 2:44 am

    Lisi @ 93
    “Interestingly, one of the first things I said to B. was that he was obviously a “real man” because of the things he knew how to do.

    I was testing for a warrior — wasn’t I?

    He loved it. He was flattered. And, he remembered it well enough to tell me 6 months later that’s part of why he liked me right off.”

    It must feel good to them when we recognise “who” they are. I was just having a casual conversation with a guy the other day and he asked whether I liked cowboys (he isn’t one lol) and I said “Nah, I’ve found that warriors are more my type” A few days later he IM’d me going on about how he is always having to fight for things in his life!



  102.  #103Daria on March 20, 2011 at 3:02 am

    my CD tonight told a story about teh psycho gf:

    apparently his friend was upset because his gf did psycho stuff like text: WHY HAVENT YOU ANSWERED MY” TEXT ITS BEEN 2 HOURS

    uhoh! i could see how that could easily happen hehe… i stuck up for girl

    well he could duck in teh bathroom and text lol



  103.  #104Daria on March 20, 2011 at 3:03 am

    sexy cd could be here fuc’king me tonight but he’s not

    __ this is the type of sexual messages i text men

    they are very bitter <– judgement

    they will turn men off <– judgement

    i want to turn myself and men on

    i want to trust self

    to express

    sexual sexuality



  104.  #105kaitlyn on March 20, 2011 at 3:05 am

    NANCEEN,

    PLs don’t go. xoxox



  105.  #106Daria on March 20, 2011 at 3:05 am

    “7. HIS FEAR: He’ll immediately be on the path to marriage without having any say in the matter.

    HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME IT: Keep your “relationship time line” to yourself for now … or better yet, be open to the idea that there may be an even better plan for your life that you haven’t yet dreamed!

    You see, men love adventure. At heart they long to be explorers, discoverers, conquerors. So the quickest way to freak a man out is to let him know that you have a PLAN for the entire course of your relationship that leaves no room for chance, change, or the twists and turns that life may bring.

    If you want to see your boyfriend break the Guinness Record for World’s Fastest Man (running away from you) just try uttering this phrase:

    “Wow, I’m so glad I met you. This means that we can totally get engaged by Christmas and – wow – wouldn’t a New Year’s Eve wedding be soooo romantic? Then we can move in right next door to my parents in Jersey! And then they can babysit
    for Mary-Kate and Ashley, our twin girls that I want to have by the time I’m 30.”

    A word to the wise: while you’re casually dating, don’t spell out all of your future plans to him.

    If your boyfriend is smart, he’ll realize that you’re a keeper and start dreaming of all of the amazing things he’ll experience if he chooses a life with you. (You can wait until later to veto the parasailing over the Grand Canyon.)

    You see, many men freak out when relationships start to get serious because they apply their fears about the CONCEPT of a commitment to the idea of a commitment with YOU.

    When your behavior tells him loud and clear that you’re not that crazy stereotype of a ‘soul sucking girlfriend,’ he’ll soon realize that he’s got nothing to be afraid of.

    So I recommend that you follow my guidelines, give your relationship a chance to GROW …

    And give your MAN a chance to GROW UP…

    And that will pave the way for him to want to learn everything about you, be inspired to become an even better person because of you, and willingly plan for a future with you –

    Without getting FREAKED OUT!

    omg i needed this. when i think a guy has potential to be “THE ONE” i freak out and do this!

    ugha guagahga boogah bowawwoaw



  106.  #107Daria on March 20, 2011 at 3:39 am

    so im gonna enjoy the waiting like i read/heard/whatever

    till what i want manifests

    lalala

    im my own best lover

    i had like 5 or 6 orgasms today

    i even liked some of them

    like 2 really

    hmmgghmm

    and i got sexy cd calling me

    and i told him the truth

    the VERY EMBARASSING TRUTH

    that i feel extra shy around him

    and that i feel so turned on around him my mind goes blank

    and that im a freak and i want a lover

    and that im feeling his swag

    UGH

    that felt uncomfortable to say

    i didnt know what else to say

    that was my truth

    itzyayaya

    i like that i feel like a little girl around him

    and i DONT like it

    he wants to know all my moods to know me by the tone of my voice

    he wants me to let him lead. i feel scared. i barely know him. i dont know for sure he’s for sure he might not be for sure because he took forever to call

    and he says he’s mad we wasted hella time

    he’s feeling my swag too he wants to see me all done up

    i remember back in the day i used to stay all done up

    if he thinks he can help me with that i can help myself

    not a bad idea now

    i want to impress him

    and that helps keep me fly

    i was letting myself go

    and iwanst

    at the same time

    but he wants to see my nails done toes done hair done makeup

    thats how i used to be

    i can blow minds away

    but i dont do it

    why?

    i want to deserve it

    mhhmm

    he intuitively knows if im happy ill do that

    and he knows

    to say he THINKS

    and when i say i FEEL

    mhhhmm

    i like the intuitive ones

    MHM

    i want him

    i want to jump his bones

    i feel scared

    i want to learn to ask for having my pussy ate like its nothing

    the way the guys who got me to say yes asked me …

    GRRRR

    i feel so “cramped” thinking of talking about it

    i feel UNVOMFORTABLE

    THEY SHOULD JUST GUESS

    ugh

    but i want to be clear too i dont mind as long as it works

    ive been watching lots of porn so that makes me feel more relaxed aobut saying something

    like yes baby i want you to go down on me for real like in the porno movie

    mhm

    ill let you go down on me if yhou want to that turns me on

    but i wont let you have sex with me yet

    this is my truth but i feel “very cramped” thinking it

    maybe i think i dont deserve it

    that what i want isnt good

    well i know THATS not true

    what i want is good and my papi wants me to have it

    and if you think pussy is like raw meat

    then you’re willing to experiment and change that and start to LIKE it right?

    or else i dont want to mess around

    i dont have to be scared or tiptoe or eggshell around this issue

    i can be bold

    i DESERVE to have my pussy eaten

    i dotn have to wait around to see if HE thinks and decides i deserve it

    i deserve it cuz i just do

    thats how i USED to be approached

    when i was yougna and clean

    but not anymore

    now im an old bopper

    and even more so sinve im a woman going on my prime

    i like men who go down on me only

    thats a must in getting close to me and getting to have this pussy

    i can do this girls!

    i CAN eventually get confident about my sexuality.

    SHOOT I CAN EVEN GET SASSY!

    I WONT TURN A MAN OFF!

    THAT FEELS LIBERATING!

    is this true?

    i WANT IT TO BE!

    can i get sassy about my sexuality?

    please?



  107.  #108Daria on March 20, 2011 at 3:40 am

    what if i just blurt out:

    I LIKE GETTIN MY PUSSY ATE

    over and over again

    im at that stage right now

    “*SCARED CRINGE*!



  108.  #109Daria on March 20, 2011 at 3:43 am

    SCARED CRINGE MEANS IM DOING GOOD?? OPR BAD?? IUGHJ

    IO JUST EXPECT!!! TO FEEL REJECTED

    OMGOSH

    SCARED CRINGE DOESNT FEEL GOOD

    someone steer me in a healing direction here

    scared cringe means things are getting amazingly better and freer and open1

    like when i said “bootyhole” on the blog and it was a big deal for me

    and then someone said Daria Dares and that felt really good



  109.  #110jenni on March 20, 2011 at 3:46 am

    Hi everyone,

    What do I do with this???

    What a blend! Your personality is dominated by two related KWML temperaments.

    Your complete personality profile can be described as 30.8% King/Queen, 30.8% Lover, 23.1% Warrior, and 15.4% Magician.*

    Looks to me like need 2 men to cater for me……or a juggler ha ha!!!



  110.  #111Daria on March 20, 2011 at 3:48 am

    i feel unromantic checking off boxes prior to sex:

    do you kiss ? check

    do you go down on women ? check

    do you treat me romantic ? check

    UGH – I SHOULDNT HAVE TO DO THIS

    IT SHOULD JUST FLOW

    UGH

    BUT ITS MY RESISTANCE TO DOING IT AND ENFORCING MY BOUNDARIES WHEN IT DOES FEEL AWKWARD THAT PREVENTS IT FROM FLOWING IN THE REST OF THE TIME!

    WOW THANK YOU ALL CAPS INTUTION! 🙂



  111.  #112Daria on March 20, 2011 at 3:49 am

    jenni – ima blend too

    i decided to ignore all that becuase i like the Rori Raye tool that im a magnet to ALL men – feels better and more powerful yum



  112.  #113Daria on March 20, 2011 at 3:51 am

    im a genius!

    i realize i act the cultural archetype of a gypsy. sigh

    like i dont feel sure of a secure home

    my fears are capture, attack and being left out in the cold

    mgm

    i have big passionate heart and also intensity propensity to sabotage life

    UGHA

    I LOVE ME

    IT IS A STRUGGLE TO face these things about myself

    ok

    i love me anyway

    i now change it to realize it’s just a feeling – effort, fear – and i am brave and creating huge energetic changes in my life by doing this lil self exploration that’s triggering me



  113.  #114Daria on March 20, 2011 at 3:53 am

    i also want to adopt the archetype of the capable village natural mother – midwife type

    this is also in my bloodline

    everything is in my bloodline

    all my womanliness and skills

    clothes making

    and

    medicine woman

    i am SO AMAZING!

    i can be so many damn things i dont have to be tied to one thing

    magic woman

    all that i am i accept all my archetypes NOW!!

    and yes i mean now now now not now now now now but now now now

    hmmmmm

    i like instantaneous power infinity boiled to one point

    and i am that explosive water wind fire

    rragh

    says the universe mother

    and then she scratches at her breast



  114.  #115Daria on March 20, 2011 at 3:56 am

    i am approached by sexy cd for a lover … i wonder if he will have what it takes to please me…

    i feel curious…

    i will need his heart

    i will need his gentlemanness

    his protection and his attention

    mmmmmm

    i love when i get a man that can be my lover

    i dont have to be impatient

    just notice

    what is happening in my life

    one man who wants to be my husband

    one man who makes a perfect lover… may not be my husband… but will give me his heart… and who knows…

    but for now

    i am about to have a new lover

    and i live

    on my bridge to the relationship i want

    i am being well pleased



  115.  #116Daria on March 20, 2011 at 4:00 am

    i will not “NEED” my husband for sex

    and i don’t want to “NEED” him for shelter either

    but that’s the position i “feel” in now

    so i am taking big boy steps to healing this for me.

    TEACHING MYSELF TO FULFILL MY SEXUAL CRAVINGS

    AND

    attracting to myself shelter on my own terms

    grafalo

    GERR

    i can’t trust a man to provide those 2 things.. he will leave

    grrr man grrr

    i feel distrust, hatred of men on these counts

    cnat trust them

    ugggh

    men

    anger at them

    would feel fun to trust them with it?

    husband

    can trust husband with shelter and sex

    wow

    big trust

    i want to fulfill on own

    then can meet husband becuase i want husband

    not cuz i need these two fulfilled

    anger

    desperationg

    fear

    uagah

    i can fulfill

    i CAN I CAN I CAN!!

    i CAN DO THIS

    I CAN! I CAN

    I CAN do this

    i can do this

    i Daria can do this for you

    AAAGGGH

    shrug
    i feel worthless

    i think i cant

    UGH

    I FEEL SO ANGREY!



  116.  #117Winnie on March 20, 2011 at 4:03 am

    Jenni @ 110
    “What a blend! Your personality is dominated by two related KWML temperaments.

    Your complete personality profile can be described as 30.8% King/Queen, 30.8% Lover, 23.1% Warrior, and 15.4% Magician.*

    Looks to me like need 2 men to cater for me……or a juggler ha ha!!!”

    You might be a genius!! : ) Means that your thinking style is fairly equally balanced between left brain – logic and right brain – creativity.
    You’ll probably need a pretty smart guy to match you ; )



  117.  #118Daria on March 20, 2011 at 4:16 am

    Ok I just put ‘I want to get my pussy ate’ as my headline on myspace

    I want to ‘own’ what I’m On

    And I feel better. I remember when it was a n of course, since when is it tabooo. Or better yet I likecfeeling it’s not taboo.

    I like getting my pussy ate. That’s the kinda lover I am.

    You want to have sex w me… Well ha I don’t just do that. I like gettin my pussy ate and I actually feel offended being asked for sex before a man has tried that.

    OMG this is all true! About me awesome.

    ‘but you dud it in the past!’. I felt like experimenting but the truth is I dontbferl loved without it and I dint want sex without it – that’s what imnsbout and I like men who like it

    Mhm



  118.  #119Winnie on March 20, 2011 at 5:22 am

    112: Daria says:

    “i decided to ignore all that becuase i like the Rori Raye tool that im a magnet to ALL men – feels better and more powerful yum”

    I love that tool too and I reckon it works just like physics. Drawing my opposite to me and repelling those that are too alike so that I don’t have to give them a moment’s thought. Lazy love!



  119.  #120Ladybird on March 20, 2011 at 5:41 am

    Hi Sirens,

    I’m just popping in quickly to say ‘hi’ and post a link to let others in/around London know of a couple of events they may be interested in:

    The Relationship Catalyst with Katie Hendricks on 14th May (£65) & Living a Joy-Filled Life with Byron Katie on 16th July (£75).

    http://www.alternatives.org.uk/Site/Talks.aspx

    I have signed up as I feel these will be fantastic events. I would advise to book asap if you are interested as these events do get full quickly.

    I’ll catch up with this new post later……



  120.  #121Alonka on March 20, 2011 at 5:59 am

    Kaitlyn.

    #100: Do they have a book signing for smth like ‘Love Happens’ in your area? 😉

    I hear you, but I know from experience that when I feel stuck in one ‘niche’ (not necessarily men-wise) the solution is to change it. Something changes in me then too and I start seeing things slightly differently, and definitely don’t feel stuck anymore… don’t know

    Also, please forgive my ignorance, I have no idea what men wearing Teva (?) means. I normally have no idea what my dates wear.. unless they arrive wearing bright red socks and start talking at dinner how they are not gay without being asked (happened to me once). So I’m saying if their outfits represent something to you, perhpas if you look outside of that group, you may find people who live by different ‘standards’ in clothes/thinking and you may enjoy meeting them.



  121.  #122Alonka on March 20, 2011 at 6:01 am

    Nanceen,

    Yes please don’t go or come back soon!!



  122.  #123Alonka on March 20, 2011 at 6:16 am

    FW,

    Yes, absolutely, I am on this blog to learn how in tough situations when I feel betrayed and hurt either to express it or question a behavior that caused it. My prior approach was to hear what I needed to hear to make sure it was happening and walk away silently.

    I don’t see how this is ‘taking the responsibility’ for the conversation? To me it’s more of a different approach of addressing the issue. I knew he was acting in the way I couldn’t respect or accept, I knew that perhaps it wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t initiate a call, but what could I do about this at that point? He knew exactly how I felt about him the whole time, I didn’t make a secret of it. Still in that conversation he was bullying me, insulting me, belittling me – I wanted to listen to what he had to say, understand his point, hear him, but it became impossible. I don’t want to be responsible for that.



  123.  #124Alonka on March 20, 2011 at 6:19 am

    Where is COOKIE?



  124.  #125Jeannette on March 20, 2011 at 6:59 am

    turquise 3, Thank you sooo much, Steve and I were going to get married. We have known ea other since high school and dated, but then went our separate ways. No, 40 years later, he looked me up and here we are. He did not know he had cancer then, but was diagnosed 3 mos. later. It has been 10 mo.s now. We still want to get married but the medical bills are crazy. The only way we can get married now is to file bankruptcy after it is all done and said. I could possibly pay my house off and he could come and live here with me. That would be the ONLY way. I really don’t want to just live with someone without being married. Old school. I have several children, grown, that I am trying to be an example to. So, I am wondering what to do at this stage. They said it will still be awhile before he will be up for a liver transplant. They are trying to keep the lesions under control. He also has cirrhosis. I don’t understand why they don’t just take the liver. BUt there is a mortality risk. This could take some time. He lives with a brother who also is ill. I have the sweetest picture of the two of us going to the prom together when we were 17. SO sweet. Will this be a love story that will have a happy or a sad ending? It’s rough stuff…..



  125.  #126T-Girl on March 20, 2011 at 8:07 am

    Ugh, I am beginning to feel like I expect too much from men. Still reeling with disappointment from SexyOlderGuy…I am so attracted to him but he is not stepping up and his rubber band took him away AGAIN.

    GiddyAsASchoolBoy who sent me the nicest e-mail saying he thinks about my eyes daily and was wondering how that happens hasn’t contacted me since Wednesday. I used my first feeling message with him saying that felt great to hear and made my evening. He used to e-mail me EVERY day…He also stated that he wanted to get together soon. I’m sure he is busy and all (hmm, am I making excuses for him?), but here come my insecurities popping into my head wondering why he hasn’t contacted me. Good thing I just started watching Modern Siren and over and over Rori states that sirens do not chase men…I need to hear that…ALOT…



  126.  #127Daria on March 20, 2011 at 8:24 am

    I am gOna be my best lover yay… In a good way.



  127.  #128Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 8:38 am

    Goodmorning Sirens 🙂

    Jeannette…my heart goes out to you..((((hugs))))..i wish i had some wise words to say…but i have noticed that you have not seemed happy for a long time now 🙁 i hope you find happiness within all of this

    SLV…thank you for the “super girl” compliment lol i feel happy and smiley reading that…like..ya..i feel like super girl sometimes lol (I rappel out of helicopters and fight forestfires for my “real” job) just sayin 😉 but i’m the girliest girl out there lol (i get eyelash extensions for cryin out loud)

    Tgirl…did you get the NO fwb speech you wanted or are you still looking?

    i’ve read through all the posts…and then i forget what i want to say and have to go back lol



  128.  #129Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 8:41 am

    @127: Daria says:
    “…I am gOna be my best lover yay… In a good way…”

    Do you like Carlin and Betty’s web site? I’ve put it up before. My disclaimer is I don’t agree with everything on the site… but you know I’m that way about most things. LOL

    It’s still a good site for all things sexual. 😀 I imagine you are pretty open-minded and you might like it. There are videos on the site and also on YouTube. I love those women!

    http://dodsonandross.com/

    xoxo
    SLV



  129.  #130Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 8:43 am

    OMG!!! Daria…you did not put that on your myspace headline????!!!!!!!!!!!!

    lmao!! you have some guts girl!!!! 🙂



  130.  #131T-Girl on March 20, 2011 at 8:54 am

    @128 Jilly,

    I love this and think I am going to tweak it for my FWB situation:

    ““oh, I don’t kiss (or other appropriate verb) people who are just friends. My heart and my body are a package deal. I’ve tried to separate them, but they love each other too much. And they love me too much to leave me unless it’s in exchange for a man’s heart.”

    It will be hard because this person is a GREAT kisser among other things and makes me feel really good, but I already know he is not the one for me.



  131.  #132Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 8:54 am

    i like the blend of Dr.Paul and RR…i’m a good mix of all..but dominant queen then lover, warrior and comedian…and i’m definitely more attracted to comedians and warriors..and as i’ve been dating i stay as open as possible to all the men but i am drawn into the funny ones….interesting…hotpilot guy was voted class clown in highschool….(big happy smile)

    hotpilot called (he’s called everyday so far) and then he texted last night

    HIM: just wanted to wish you a good night 🙂
    ME: i like that…i feel happy to hear from you 🙂 i’m just laying on the couch feeling cozy and talking with my roommate about her day..
    HIM: I wish i was there with you
    ME: me too…cause i like your kisses and cuddles 😉 (that last line felt a lil leany forward but i felt like a rockstar so i did it lol)
    HIM: wow…you just made my night 🙂

    and i let that be the last word…i feel happy and sireny..i feel unattached to the outcome

    he gets home tuesday at 1:00 pm and said “sooo…do you want to do something at 1:01? LOL i love it…



  132.  #133T-Girl on March 20, 2011 at 8:56 am

    Daria – I agree with Jilly. That is a very gutsy headline. Is that the type of attention you want to attract? I’m not saying anything for or against, just scared that the losers will come out in droves…



  133.  #134Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 8:58 am

    @128: Jilly

    😀

    xoxo
    SLV



  134.  #135T-Girl on March 20, 2011 at 8:58 am

    @132 Jilly,

    Wow, what a wonderful text convo! You are a rock star girl!!



  135.  #136Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 8:58 am

    T-girl…i like it!!…it feels very feminine and open and warm and vulnerable…nice job..and good luck…keep us posted….i love hearing about how it goes..



  136.  #137KS on March 20, 2011 at 8:59 am

    SLV,
    It was me you were talking about who is 40 and will take Matthew M……so please STOP giving him away to other SIRENS. 🙂 Hahahahaha



  137.  #138Jeannette on March 20, 2011 at 9:00 am

    Jilly, it is a difficult situation indeed. But I do love him, I’m just trying to make sense of why everything is playing out so hard. I need spiritual guidance with this.



  138.  #139Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 9:03 am

    T-girl…thank you 🙂 i love feeling messages lol if you cant tell!! ..i talk like that all the time now and it doesn’t feel weird or anything…the men seem to love it 🙂



  139.  #140Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 9:05 am

    @132: Jilly says:
    “…i like the blend of Dr.Paul and RR…i’m a good mix of all..but dominant queen…”

    Ohhh, I’m a queen too! I wasn’t liking it much. I took the “test” last night and it came out more or less… queen 46, warrior 23, lover 23, magician 8.

    I’m supposed to look for a “magician?” I don’t know exactly what that is but it doesn’t sound interesting. None of them sound interesting.

    Maybe I could read for more understanding. The “test” was the squeeze page promo so there are newsletters coming…. LOL

    xoxo
    SLV



  140.  #141Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 9:06 am

    Jeannette…does it feel right? i feel curious about this…please do not feel like i’m questioning you…if you don’t want to answer or talk about it that’s ok….



  141.  #142Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 9:10 am

    @1377: KS says:
    “…It was me you were talking about who is 40 and will take Matthew M……so please STOP giving him away to other SIRENS. Hahahahaha…”

    Oops, OK. Maybe I can also find someone else so we don’t have to keep passing Matt around siren island. We don’t want to wear out the poor boy. LOL

    xoxo
    SLV



  142.  #143Laughing Goddess on March 20, 2011 at 9:18 am

    KS: hahahaha

    Yum! If you ever tire of him, you can pass him my way.



  143.  #144Lucy on March 20, 2011 at 9:25 am

    Daria, a couple weeks ago I had a dream about TN man, so I texted him,”Had a nice orgasmic dream of you last night… :)” He replied, “Oooh nice. Tell me more. :)” I answered, “All I remember is that you were licking me … and I woke up climaxing. Very nice. :)” He said, “I love it. I am told I am quite skilled in that dept. You should definitely come out and visit. :)” So…Daria… I can really relate to your desires.



  144.  #145Laughing Goddess on March 20, 2011 at 9:30 am

    Nanceen: hi!

    I can’t find your email either. Mine is
    laughinggoddess111@ gmail.com

    I’d love to talk.

    Xoxo
    Jen



  145.  #146Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 9:32 am

    SLV…yes magician..not comedian lol…ooooh…cool we are queens 🙂 i love magicians..always have…i dated a warrior (basically strict warrior) and i did not like it..it felt cold and lonely 🙁



  146.  #147Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 9:34 am

    LG…i can’t quite remember..but are you the siren who moved to hawaii and worked for about 3 years and built a business with a man?



  147.  #148Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Nanceen..i feel sad reading you are leaving and not coming back…it makes me wonder how come? Did something happen here?



  148.  #149Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 9:36 am

    What about Gerard Butler…yum!



  149.  #150Laughing Goddess on March 20, 2011 at 9:38 am

    Jilly: @147

    ‘Twas me!

    Why do you ask?



  150.  #151Laughing Goddess on March 20, 2011 at 9:39 am

    Btw, my electricity is back on.

    Yay!!!



  151.  #152Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 9:40 am

    @146: Jilly says:
    SLV…yes magician..not comedian lol…ooooh…cool we are queens i love magicians..always have…i dated a warrior (basically strict warrior) and i did not like it..it felt cold and lonely

    I save the test page and took another look. Maybe I was tmostly urned off by the cartoon drawing. I read the “magician” and it doesn’t seem so bad. Actually reminds me of something so I’m LMAO.. .

    I like “magic” and very inspired by magical things. My favorites are the magical looking winter outdoor settings when there is snow. I was so happy to have one last beautiful snow. I was sad to see warmer weather end it all but now I’ve revitalized and I’m happy to greet spring today!

    What questions do I ask to find out if guy is magician?

    xoxo
    SLV



  152.  #153Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 9:44 am

    LG…because a lot of your posts resonate with me and i have always wanted to move to hawaii and felt very impressed when you shared that…also you shared a lot about your financial stuff too…it’s always stuck with me…and now you’re up in the mountains losing power…for some reason it sounds so magical to me 🙂 like you are REALLY living a life of adventure!



  153.  #154luzydel on March 20, 2011 at 9:46 am

    So Something “funny” happen last night. I got a text, but I wasn’t sure if it was “d” or one of the other two guys who have same area code and similar number (none of them are saved in my phone), it was like “how are you? How was your day?”

    I was like mmm, maybe this is Limo guy or Steve. so I say “I had a fun day, Enjoyed the weather”
    Then he said “ready for your Birthday?” ugh! it was “D” he is the only one who knows when is my birthday. I had to coninue the txt, I was not expecting him to txt me at all. I kept it casual and I did not ask why we did not meet this weekend.

    I am following the advise of let it be, asking him for something, getting mad for not getiing it, will not do me any good; so I will just Let it be. I am opening my hands and relax myself, tired of expectations and tired of trying to control the outcome.

    He can do what he wants, I am doing what I want.



  154.  #155Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 9:49 am

    SLV…yes magicians hold the most appeal to me..with a mix of warrior…lover? no thanks! lol king sounds boring lol

    interesting? i want a good mix of them all….i can tell a magician right away…by how outgoing he is and if he puts himself out there and makes a lot of jokes..

    i remember reading that for a Magician…say something like…ok tell me story…or 123 you’re on!…and see what they do and if they love that



  155.  #156Jeannette on March 20, 2011 at 9:50 am

    Jilly, sometimes it feels right, like when I clear my schedule to take him to see his doctor, I feel good about it. Sometimes, it just feels hard, like I have a anxious feeling about it. I know this world depends on financial security and as I get older, I worry about it some. I work hard. I am very spiritual though and am try to do the right thing. I get tired at times. This is the human side of me coming through….



  156.  #157Lucy on March 20, 2011 at 9:52 am

    SLV, if you are taking orders, I’ll have Viggo Mortensen, Bill Pullman, Jason Segel, and Keith Urban.



  157.  #158Lucy on March 20, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Awesome poem, Lercomari!



  158.  #159Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 9:56 am

    @155: Jilly says:
    “….i remember reading that for a Magician…say something like…ok tell me story…or 123 you’re on!…and see what they do and if they love that…”

    Ok, I think I get it. That would attract me. I tell stories too but apparently the magician is the opposite of me. Strange… oh, well…

    I expect the newsletters will reveal more. So does this also mean that some people are “mixtures” then I could look for a mixture that was anything but king? I suppose much depends upon the individual guy and his own special character.

    xoxo
    SLV



  159.  #160Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 9:58 am

    @Lucy

    I’ll check out some people in your age group and make up a party for you. It’s kind of fun to do that. Did you say you were 43? I think I’ll do one for me also.

    xoxo
    SLV



  160.  #161Laughing Goddess on March 20, 2011 at 10:00 am

    Jilly @ 153

    Hahaha! I was thinking the same about you! Repelling from helicopters….wow! That’s awesome.

    Right now my finances feel very adventurous 🙂

    Could you spend your 6 months off in Hawaii?

    It’s really a magical place. I miss it terribly, especially in the winter. Yet I feel called to be here right now.



  161.  #162Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 10:01 am

    Luzydel…yay! good for you…you do sound better…more ok with letting it be..

    hey Lucy 🙂

    ya if we are putting orders…my favorite is owen wilson..and his buddy..the guy? who was in the break up with jennifer aniston…of coarse there are so many more..i don’t care how old george clooney is..i love him! and bruce willis too



  162.  #163Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 10:03 am

    @161: Laughing Goddess says:
    “…Jilly @ 153
    Hahaha! I was thinking the same about you! Repelling from helicopters….wow! That’s awesome….”

    Yes! She’s “Super Girl!”

    xoxo
    SLV



  163.  #164Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 10:05 am

    OK, Jilly. I guess you’re 37 ish, maybe. I’ll see who’s in your group. Hey, wait a sec. You already have a whole bunch of guys. Have pity on the rest of us. hahaha 😆

    xoxo
    SLV



  164.  #165Lucy on March 20, 2011 at 10:08 am

    SLV, I am 48. You can add the men I named to the guest list too. I have no idea how old they are but I don’t care. 😀



  165.  #166Lucy on March 20, 2011 at 10:09 am

    I adore magician type men.



  166.  #167Lucy on March 20, 2011 at 10:24 am

    Kaitlyn, why do you look plasticy? Is it a medical condition?



  167.  #168Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 10:26 am

    SLV…im 31…just sayin 😉 but i have typically dated 10 to 12 years older…except hotpilot is 34 and i really like that we are closer in age 🙂



  168.  #169Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 10:28 am

    SLV…i just read your whole post LOL! HEY… can’t a girl have a taste of ALL the candy in the candy store?? 😉



  169.  #170Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 10:31 am

    LG…i’ve thought about it every fall..to move there..but i want to do it with my man…i want to share the experience with someone

    my sister lives on Oahu so i get to go see her often…but hopefully someday that dream will manifest 🙂



  170.  #171T-Girl on March 20, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Someone please talk me out of texting SexyOlderGuy…

    It is so hard to lean back, especially when nothing bad happened with him. He just disappears.



  171.  #172Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 10:44 am

    OK, everybody party time. I’ll be making up party lists next week, just for a little fun online. Dinner party dates TBD.
    😀



  172.  #173Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 10:47 am

    @171: T-Girl says:
    “…Someone please talk me out of texting SexyOlderGuy…”

    Instead of texting him. Post it here sort of a “text in a bottle” thrown out to the Internet ocean…

    xoxo
    SLV



  173.  #174Laughing Goddess on March 20, 2011 at 10:51 am

    Jilly: If you ever want any suggestions on where to go in Hawaii, I would be happy to help.

    I see myself living there again. I got island fever after being there for almost four years. Right now I’m enjoying being on the mainland because there is a lot to do culturally here. I also have a great community of friends, and the band, etc.

    …and my lover. We’ve talked about moving to Hawaii and creating a retreat center. Oooo, I felt tingles when I said that.

    SLV: I’ll bet you would like magicians. They are the fun, entertaining, witty, storytelling types.

    I was into Dr Paul for a bit. He seems to say similar things to other coaches but his style is very scientific. I prefer a more feminine approach but I definitely learned some things from him.



  174.  #175Laughing Goddess on March 20, 2011 at 10:52 am

    SLV: I’m curious. What kind of men are you normally attracted to?



  175.  #176T-Girl on March 20, 2011 at 11:00 am

    @173 SLV,

    Great suggestion! Here is my messege in a bottle:

    SexyOlderGuy,

    Why do you disappear like that? You are the only man so far who I have met that has it together. You are a positive person and have a great outlook on life. You seem to like me…then you disappear.

    It feels wonderful when you touch me, kiss me, make love to me. You are so intense that I get lost in you. Does that frighten you? Do you have someone else? Do I fit into your life at all?

    I no longer chase men. So if you want me, you have to come crashing into my island. I will be there to make you feel safe, awaiting you with open arms and palms up.



  176.  #177T-Girl on March 20, 2011 at 11:04 am

    It just dawned on me…March Madness is going on. Maybe the men are on their own island right now and that is why they are disappearing 🙂



  177.  #178Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 11:05 am

    @174: Laughing Goddess says:

    “…SLV: I’ll bet you would like magicians. They are the fun, entertaining, witty, storytelling types….”

    Thanks for your support, LG. The way you put it, it sounds exactly right!!! But I also like guys who are thoughtful, introspective and caring. And they must like to explore stuff too. And not afraid to be different and slightly fearless.

    I think I was turned off by the drawing but when I looked at it this morning it reminded of an ongoing joke I have with a guy I know…weird! But funny. It seems to have struck a chord.

    I’ll read the Dr. Paul material; it’s sure to add something to my search. Thanks.

    xoxo
    SLV



  178.  #179Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 11:08 am

    @177: T-Girl says:
    “…It just dawned on me…March Madness is going on. Maybe the men are on their own island right now and that is why they are disappearing …”

    Oh, that’s where he is… I had one kind of poof too. hahaha. They’re in their caves. Or maybe it’s one BIG CAVE!!!! with a “NO WOMEN ADMITTED” sign out front. hahaha.
    😆

    xoxo
    SLV



  179.  #180Lilybelle on March 20, 2011 at 11:08 am

    157:

    Keith Urban
    Gerard Butler
    Jeffrey Dean Morgan
    Dane Cook

    yummy



  180.  #181Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 11:19 am

    @175: Laughing Goddess says:
    “…SLV: I’m curious. What kind of men are you normally attracted to?..”

    I didn’t see this post. I’m attracted to different kinds but smart, witty, clever and individualistic. Also well read and adventurous. i guess … a “magician” who isn’t afraid to strike out on his own and try new things. And sweet, thoughtful and cares a whole lot how I feel… oh, loves me, adores me, cherishes me and never lets me forget it!

    I’ve learned to add those last and all important parts!

    Funny, I never thought of “magician” as a descriptive term or qualification for my soul mate even though I am ALWAYS talking about magic, making magic, things looking magical. It’s even my signature on a web site. I…did…not…make…the…connection…????

    Wow! There might be something to this, something worth exploring.

    xoxo
    SLV



  181.  #182Laughing Goddess on March 20, 2011 at 11:19 am

    Dane Cook…yummmmmmmm



  182.  #183Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 11:21 am

    @180: Lilybelle

    Nice. Maybe I can suggest a few more… 😀

    xoxo
    SLV



  183.  #184Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 11:25 am

    @LG

    But… I haven’t been attracted to one in a very long, long time. So maybe everything is all changed or maybe it’s not I just became hopeless along the way. I’ve never had a relationship with a man in my now age group.

    This is very, very different I think… or not. Yes, different. I’m learning and don’t know what to make of it all… yet. I’m getting there. I’m determined.

    xoxo
    SLV



  184.  #185Lilybelle on March 20, 2011 at 11:26 am

    Cding Hot Gentle Man tonight. This has been a confirmed date since Wednesday. When he asked me when I was free, I said Sunday evening. His immediate response was “you are obviously booked up until then.” 😉

    I am all that.
    I am a FREAKIN MAGNET.
    I am all that.

    Jilly? May I borrow some of your sparkles for the evening?

    lil



  185.  #186luzydel on March 20, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Neptune’s Move into Pisces Means Enchanting Romance. http://glo.msn.com/relationships/this-months-astrology-moment-1534178.story?gt1=49038

    If you Believe in astrology, things may be good in the area of romance 🙂



  186.  #187Alonka on March 20, 2011 at 11:57 am

    OMG

    I did something stupid again.

    I went on a first date with a guy a month ago. After that we exchanged a couple of emails, the following day. The last person writing – responding to his very nice and long email – was me.

    so today I saw him online on a dating site and I emailed him:

    How have you been? I’m back here! Was wondering if you would like to keep in touch while we are both looking for our ‘last first date’ lol. I felt that we have things in common and would welcome friendship. Still feeling warm and happy about my introduction to American art;)

    He responded right away:

    Thanks for writing. I was a bit out of the social loop for a while due to a weeklong ski vacation and a week of catch-up after that. I’m traveling on business this week, but it would be nice to see you again when I get back.

    What do I say?? Do I respond right away?? Should I say: cme back soon???



  187.  #188Alonka on March 20, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    Do I say (thanks Jilly for the nice spark): I feels nice to hear.. enjoy your trip;)

    Or do I say nothing?



  188.  #189T-Girl on March 20, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    Alonka, is it only friendship that you want, or something more?



  189.  #190Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    @188: Alonka

    I’d probably send a smiley face and then nothing more…and see if he offers anything.

    xoxo
    SLV



  190.  #191Alonka on March 20, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    T-Girl,

    I thought he wasn’t interested since he disappeared for so long, but I had a nice time, was inpressed with his knowledge of art and offered friendship.

    To answer straight your question, I would be glad to explore more than friendship, but if not, would rather keep him as a firend if he doesn’t mind.



  191.  #192Alonka on March 20, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    SLV,

    Thanks, that’a a great advice!



  192.  #193Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    @191: Alonka says:
    “… would rather keep him as a firend if he doesn’t mind…..”

    Alonka, I don’t mean this in a bad way but… what do you mean “if he doesn’t mind???” He should be falling down on his knees with the prospect that you would even talk to him and smile in his direction!!!! 😀

    so….. imho, don’t chase him too much. You gave him the Internet equivalent of an eye gaze… now let’s give him a chance to do something…

    Hugs, girlfriend. BTW, I don’t think you did anything stupid. Just a little “leany forward” and sometimes guys like that if it’s a teeny little lean forward, a one time “catch up.”

    I know, i know, it’s not Rori… I think it’ Ok to experiment sometimes,,, nothing to lose here.

    xoxo
    SLV



  193.  #194T-Girl on March 20, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    If you aren’t invested in the outcome, then I would say to go ahead and respond since you initiated anyway (masculine). Maybe something like “It would feel great to get together and catch up”.

    I’ve done it too with someone I dated but still want in my life. Wish I could say it worked out, but I think he would qualify as “toxic” anyway.



  194.  #195Alonka on March 20, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    SLV,

    Thank you;)) Yes, I sent a smiley back and won’t contact him anymore no matter of what.

    Just felt it’s ‘safe’ to offer friendship since it’s been so long.. I guess it was still not safe.



  195.  #196luzydel on March 20, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    So I am here acepting things and “letting things be”, then I wonder if I am not using the tools correctly. “D” is with his son (I am assuming) since he told me we wont be able to meet if he had his kid for the weekend. So I am just leaving it alone.

    But then again, perhaps I should say something…Use a FM or something to see how he reacts. I am being a little bit passive, but I feel this is better than getting mad, or demanding something.

    Perhaps he thinks I am ok with things, because I am not asking or saying anything and he is used to women who demand for things. So I am doing the total oposite and perhaps this is not good either. Is there a mid point of asking for what you want, without being demanding and then accepting what happens.

    I feel like saying something to either bring him closer of just breaking things once and for all. Maybe I am projecting my own fear of intimacy to him.

    I wan to use a good FM to let him know I am not confortable with the situation. Again he can do what he wants, so will I. But I feel like I am being too passive right now and I want to break this pattern.



  196.  #197Daria on March 20, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    Oops I triggered Muself by feeling extra good and now my inner adjuster is trying to make me feel back bad

    😛

    Pfft

    I am declaring unconscious agreements about this null and void



  197.  #198Daria on March 20, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    Luzydel – I would say how I feel when he contacts me..

    Ohh I feel so good to hear from u… And also a bit bad…I’ve bern feeling kinda insecure.. I feel distant from u… What do u think?



  198.  #199Daria on March 20, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    I’m feeling a lil embarrassed to feel like a sex maniac

    An scared

    An excited



  199.  #200Daria on March 20, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    Tinque I need reassurance … It is safe, actually healthy, and attractive to play with myself right?

    I feel embarrased just writing that.

    Mph



  200.  #201Daria on March 20, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Is it attractive to tell guys who contact me I’m craving sex?

    Yes it can be.

    Once I heal my shame

    I love me



  201.  #202KS on March 20, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Hmmm….
    I want my ex to contact me. Not because I want him. But because I want him….to want me. Lol. Wow. How screwed up is that? Lol



  202.  #203Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    luzydel Tinque in this month’s interview suggests says “I feel confused. It’s been such a long time”. She suggests he should know why you are confused. “I feel happy to hear your voice but I feel confused”.



  203.  #204Daria on March 20, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    You looking like u wana have my baby

    Hey baby

    I must never go undersexed

    Once I flexed my puussy muscles

    Now we Voluntarily Undressed

    And you’re blessed

    Which means I’m blessed

    And your heaven you want to share with me to make sure I’m never less

    Than full of cum and shakes

    I lick you lick an we go flying into ecstasy

    Baby take me to the place

    Where my silence is your rest



  204.  #205Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    KS It is not screwed up. How about flipping it to “I am ready for him to contact me?”.



  205.  #206Daria on March 20, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    Ks – Byron Katie might work to dislodge beliefs around that

    I need him to contact me to feel better about Myself is that true?



  206.  #207Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    From Patty at Sensuality Secrets

    How does a woman gain the power to have all eyes on her? Her physical and mental attitude is congruent.

    When your personal truth is negative and filled with doubt and distortions, the words you speak may say one thing, but your body language speaks a louder truth that contradicts all you claim to be.

    In fact, one week ago I was at a happy hour in an elegant restaurant with 2 girlfriends of mine. We had planned this night out so we were dressed to impress. When we walked into this place, we felt like Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda from Sex and the City making their usual entrance
    into a bar.

    We succeeded in getting some heads to turn…I actually coached them how to walk before we went in. Next step was to encourage men to approach us. We set up a kind of semi circle towards the crowd. With our drink in hand, we chatted about nonsense …you know, the kind of deep and enriching conversation about hair, make up and clothes that we women
    can easily get into!

    As the evening progressed, some men began to approach, but only after we “OK’d” them with our combination of prolonged eye contact and smiles. Something interesting began to happen; the men were conversing with my girlfriend Chantal and I and rarely acknowledged Maria.

    What was going on here? Well, upon closer observation, I noticed what Maria was doing. Every time a man approached us, she instantly put her purse and her drink in front of her chest like a barrier.

    I hope you can visualize what that looks like. NOT GOOD!

    At the end of the evening, I had to ask her if she realized what she was doing. To her surprise, she didn’t have a clue. Through probing, she then realized why she always did this. She admitted to being very subconscious about her chest. She was never comfortable with the size of her breasts…understand that my friend Maria has a generous size.

    You would think that with an abundant chest size she’d have many men approach her, however the reverse happened that night because her insecurity came out loud and clear through her body language.

    Your physical body is a piece of the portrait, but your awareness of your body and its potential to express who you are and your inner strength as a woman is the key.

    So how do you enrich your inner strength?

    You need to focus on your assets.

    Start by looking at how you present yourself. First
    impressions and lasting impressions need to go hand in hand.

    Here are 3 areas you need to keep in check.

    1. Appearance – this involves more than your face and
    figure.

    It’s your tone of voice, your accent; it’s how you carry yourself when sitting, standing or dancing. Even how you touch a man speaks volumes about your issues with intimacy.

    2. Presence, your energy, spirit, – all those qualities that help you bond with people.

    When having a conversation with someone, be sure to maintain solid eye contact that is sincere and welcoming.

    In a public place, do you just show up, or do you arrive prepared with a plan of action? Do you mingle with people and include them into your conversation by asking them questions? Do you stand up straight and go through some sensual stances in the center of the room, instead of up
    against the wall? Do you smile and use eye contact to invite
    people to approach you?

    3. Personality – this is what makes you YOU!

    It is your authentic self, the part of you that makes you different from all the rest. It’s about having an opinion and being genuine. Love everything about you…your age, your heritage, your taste in food, your work, your hobbies…EVERYTHING!

    So can you see how balancing all 3 areas can make you more complete and confident–the kind of confidence that people are attracted to. The kind of confidence that makes you radiate from the inside out and outside in.

    You must realize that to become this type of woman takes daily practice. It’s an investment in yourself that you cannot ignore. You are worth the time to become the type of woman that everyone gravitates to.

    Every moment of every day is the choice to create the lifestyle you want. And the key to achieving the sensuality you seek is…PREPARATION!



  207.  #208KS on March 20, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    Wow FW……While I was reading that I felt really scared. Scared that IF he did contact me that I would not be able to maintain my siren qualities and would emotionally spew all over him again. Interesting.?????



  208.  #209Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Luzydel Please also remember that CCarter says men do not bond through words or because we tell them about what we want more of. They bond through doing stuff together; sports activities is one thing he suggests or just sitting next to him in front of the TV watching sports.



  209.  #210Daria on March 20, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    Oooh I like hOw this is part of appearance… Yeah!

    1. Appearance – this involves more than your face and
    figure.

    It’s your tone of voice, your accent; it’s how you carry yourself when sitting, standing or dancing. Even how you touch a man speaks volumes about your issues with intimacy.



  210.  #211KS on March 20, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    Daria,
    Not sure what it is but at this point when I listen to BK I just feel overwhelmed. Like I can only listen to small portions. Don’t know why.???



  211.  #212Daria on March 20, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    I (can) love me and my desire for sex right now!

    Mmmm 🙂



  212.  #213Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    KS I particularly love Samantha’s body language. It gives no doubt that she is confident. I try to emulate her now because I believe I am all that. Couple weeks ago after church my mother said to me that I had better be careful the women don’t start feeling jealous of me. It seems all the men in the place were coming over to say something or other to the point that even my mother noticed. I get the same thing at work most times now where at times several congregate in my area.



  213.  #214Daria on March 20, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    Ks – o think that happened to Loneplum too, she could only do one question per day at first

    My guess is massive resistance to change

    For me, it’s helpful to tap along with the Eft video on YouTube from innerhealingcenter that is under ‘resistance to change’. That actually works for me.

    Another thing thatveorks is I ask the intention god, to open the door to my actually having what I want. I imagine him doing it then I jump thru the door! Then I know for sure I’ve definitely intended it and td on it’s way to happening.



  214.  #215Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    Do you know the most common mistakes women make when texting men? If not, read this article to find out what they are!

    Mistake # 1 – Returning a guy’s telephone call with a text message

    The common rule of dating is returning a text message with a text message, but returning
    a phone call with a PHONE CALL.

    Don’t make the mistake of texting a guy when returning his call. If he took the time to call you
    and to leave a message, it is rude to return his call with a text. It shows that he isn’t important to you, and it is bad manners.

    Don’t start a new relationship by showing the guy you are dating that you don’t respect him!

    Mistake # 2 – Cancelling a date via text

    If you have a date set up, and something comes up so you can’t make it, cancelling a date, especially on a short notice should be done via telephone.
    Cancelling via text may end the relationship right there.

    If you do this, it will make the other person feel unimportant, and no one wants to be with someone who has no respect for us,and little consideration.

    Mistake # 3 – Having a text relationship

    Once you get to know the guy better, you need to have a healthy balance between texting, telephone calls, and seeing each other in person. Too many people these days make the mistake of handling dating and even a relationship with someone
    mainly via text messaging.

    If you and the man you are dating see each other once a week, you should try to talk to each
    other in between dates and have normal telephone conversation.

    Relying solely on texting is not appropriate when building a relationship. You want to actually pick up the telephone and have a conversation, not just a one liner text message back and forth.

    Texting is a great tool to build attraction. You can flirt through texting; you can make the other person more attracted to you through texting; but there comes a point in your relationship when you need
    to know the other person better, find out what they like, what their passions are, and what they are goals are.

    There are many ways you can use texting to assist in building a good relationship. But you must have balance between talking and doing things together as well.

    By Elaine MD



  215.  #216Daria on March 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    Maybe I’m like a dominatrix



  216.  #217luzydel on March 20, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    So I just got a txt from him…

    “how are you? How was your day? I did a lot today. Grocery Shopping, Laundry and cleaned my house etc.”

    I want to star with a FM but I feel hesitant



  217.  #218Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    Alexandra Fox

    DO YOU COMPLAIN TOO MUCH?

    One of the biggest mistakes women make is complaining too much. Admit it — we women LOVE to complain! Ranting is relaxing. It’s therapeutic.
    It’s like a massage that channels all the bad feelings from our minds and bodies, leaving us refreshed and ready to go. In a way, ranting IS actually
    therapeutic. After all, anger is Mother Nature’s way of protecting yourself.

    When you’re angry, you’re basically showing that you love yourself enough to protect yourself from whatever caused your anger in the first place.
    But you know what? Ranting, complaining, and expressing your anger all have their places. It’s just that a date with the guy you like isn’t the best place for any of them! When a guy listens to you rant, his mood worsens. He becomes less preppy, and his ability to carry a good date declines.

    It’s even worse when he’s already your boyfriend, and you’ve been going steady for a while. When you rant to your boyfriend, he’ll feel MUCH worse. He’ll feel like he’s not good enough to protect you and keep you happy.

    And trust me, that hurts a guy’s pride very badly — badly enough for him to leave you.

    So here’s my suggestion — keep ranting and complaining in their places. Save them for your girlfriends — after all, don’t they absolutely LOVE sharing their own rants with you?

    In the meantime, keep your dates with the guy you like as light and as enjoyable as possible.

    DO YOU HIDE YOUR APPRECIATION?

    I know I’ve told you this before — it’s always, always best to let the guy choose the date. It’s HIS job to choose where and when to meet, and to pick up the tab after the date is over. In other words, it’s a man’s duty to LEAD the relationship. Go against this
    rule at your own risk!

    But just because it’s his “duty” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t thank him! Setting a date, carrying the conversation, and paying the bill takes quite a bit of
    work on his part, too.

    Let’s face it — how would you feel if you treated someone out, and you parted ways without so much as a “thank you?” So do go out of your way to show even just a little appreciation for his efforts. A simple “thank you” is often enough, but you can go a little further by offering to pay next time, or at
    least split the bill. (He’ll naturally say “No, it’s okay” –but he’ll love you for offering anyway!)

    DO YOU BUTT IN WHILE HE’S TALKING?

    Communication is very important in any relationship, and I’m sure you know this. Take a look at the long list of long-distance relationships you and your girlfriends have had all your lives, and
    you’ll see even just a slight break in communication can have long-term effects on a relationship!

    But when we meet a lot of guys regularly, we tend to take communication for granted. Sometimes, when we’re with the guy we like, we tend to talk on autopilot. And sometimes, we tend to butt in while he’s talking. (“Oh yeah, that happened to me too! Last week I…”)

    Trust me, that’s NOT a good way to get into a guy’s good side. After all, men like to talk too, and sometimes they have some REALLY important things to talk about. So when you feel the impulse to butt in while he’s talking, bite your tongue and let him finish!

    Instead of shifting the focus to yourself, listen to what he has to say. Afterwards, ask him to tell you more. And aim to truly, genuinely sympathize
    with him. A man will love you more readily when he
    knows you’re always ready to lend an ear to his thoughts and feelings!

    ARE YOU TOO SERIOUS?

    Let’s face it — when you think about the relationship you ultimately want to have for the rest of your life, you’ll likely think of a relationship that’s
    happy and enjoyable.

    Well, guess what? Men want their relationships to be like that too. They want to have an enjoyable partner to share the rest of their lives with. That’s why men tend to stay away from you when you’re feeling down, or when you complain too much, or when you’re too depressing. And when you bring all these negative emotions into your relationship, you can bet that your boyfriend will start wanting to leave you before long!

    Even if he’s already your boyfriend, he’s going to start looking for his happiness elsewhere.
    And nope, you can’t blame him, either — he’s not CONDEMNED to stay with a sad, angry, or depressing partner!

    So my advice? Lighten up.

    Strive to create a happy, nurturing, loving, growing, and fun place in your relationship — something your boyfriend will LOVE going back to every single
    day. When he finds what he’s looking for in your relationship, he won’t need a reason to leave!



  218.  #219Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    @213: Femininewoman

    Okey, dokey. I’m going to order another round of SATC vids and check out Samantha. I don’t think we have same style though. I’m more Miranda or Charlotte but could use help either way.

    Thanks.

    xoxo
    SLV



  219.  #220tinque on March 20, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    Daria – “Tinque I need reassurance … It is safe, actually healthy, and attractive to play with myself right?”

    Oh yes Daria, yes. It’s the safest of any sex you will ever have; it’s beyond healthy as in really good for you. The more you learn about your body and what she likes, what it takes to turn her on, the better sex will be with a partner. You will have the confidence to who him what you want.

    Women are different than men in that after orgasm, they need a refractory period in order to go again. The younger he is, the shorter the time. As they age, they prefer to go days in between.

    A woman on the other hand, the more she orgasms, the better she gets at having them, more easily to be had, more powerful.

    And most men LOVE to watch. It’s a huge sexy, attractive turn on sweetie.

    So please, play away as often as you want.

    xxoo



  220.  #221Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    @Daria

    Did you check out the sexcentric web site?

    BTW, I think my intentions are taking shape too and something is forming, not sure of it yet. I was walking along outside and rehearsing my vows for tonight and up in sky seemed like large clear air bubble headed in my direction. Odd. But friendly.

    xoxo
    SLV



  221.  #222tinque on March 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    Bring Him Close: Get More Love, Romance and Relationship Bliss – I wrote this…

    xxoo



  222.  #223Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    Tinque

    Hi, have you ever taken that what feels
    like a brave step to initiate sex, and you got
    turned down?

    I’ve been there. I’ve so been there, as much
    “there” as anyone can possibly be.

    And along the way, I learned how to understand
    what this means and what it doesn’t mean. I
    learned how to deal with these thoughts. And I can
    show you too. I can help you with all of this in
    my ebook – Sex and Heart. I will teach you how to
    recognize this for what it is and how to deal with
    it within yourself so you don’t have to hurt
    anymore. Just check out Sex and Heart right here:

    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/sex-and-heart/

    Dear ,

    I know sexual rejection hurts. The first time I
    was turned down for sex, I thought I would die. I
    was SO hurt. I felt SO embarrassed. I felt SO
    rejected. But it no longer throws me, for now I
    know it’s not a rejection of ME. It’s not ever
    about me at all.

    When a man seem to lose interest in sex, it’s
    usually about having had a rough day at work, and
    he wants to unwind first, or he’s just plain
    tired, or maybe he just has too much on his mind
    whether it be the state of the world or something
    else.

    Sometimes it might be that he’s not feeling well and being as men usually are, he doesn’t tell you about it.

    Men are NOT as raring to go ALL the time as we’ve been led to believe, especially as they get older.

    And most of us women, when faced with a situation like this, board a runaway train with our brains and allow the train to take us all over.

    For example – “He’s rejected me. He doesn’t want me. He no longer finds me attractive. He’s tiring of me. He wants to look at porn instead of me. He wants anyone but me even if it’s two-dimensional image, at least it’s something new.I’m not pretty enough. I’m not sexy enough. I’m too fat. I’m too skinny. My boobs are too small. My boobs are too saggy. I’m too old. I’m ________(you fill in the blank). Sex is not so important to him.We’ll never have sex again!!!”

    Does any of this feel familiar?

    I received this letter from a reader and want to share it with you as a REALLY good illustration how this plays out in real life.

    “Hi Tinque,

    OK…here’s my situation. My boyfriend and I have LOTS of sex. We have it I’d say at least 4 times a week and usually more than that. We both have children, but our children do not live with us (they live out of state…my children with their father and his with their mother). We’ve both stated that if we could have our children with us, we would, and we’re both fine with that and would want that for the other.

    Well…my children came down this summer (they
    spend part of the summer with me and part of it
    with their dad) and all of a sudden, the sex stopped. I don’t “officially” live with my man, but I do spend most of my nights there, and that didn’t change when my children were here…But…he wasn’t initiating sex with me while they were here.

    I tried and was rejected twice in a row (as in two
    nights in a row) and the second time, I cried. We
    talked about it, and he said hadn’t meant to hurt
    me.

    I told him I was trying very hard to create a
    balance here because we are used to having each
    other to ourselves, and I wanted him to know that
    the sexy, sensual, sexual woman he loves so much
    is still here…even when the children are too. He
    asked me not to “try” anything and just let things
    be what they are.

    He assured me he still sees all of that in me and
    was just having a little trouble with the children
    being in the house (he didn’t have the problem
    last summer or on any other vacation, and he
    doesn’t know why it happened this summer but in
    any case, he asked me not to worry).

    So…within a couple of days, he initiated, and we
    had sex a couple of times (not near as much as
    normal but it was there, and I felt better). Then
    my kids went back to their dad’s house.

    He and I went on a mini vacation, and we had
    sex…no problem. When we got back, his children
    came down. He has not reached out to me sexually
    since (not even a hint or a tease or anything at
    all). I’m not doing anything (except a few sexy
    little words whispered in his ear on occasion)
    because he asked me not to and because his prior
    rejection hurt so much.

    I guess I just don’t understand (he’s never rejected me before, so that’s new for me…and it hurts) and I don’t know what to do or say.

    Do you think I’m faced with an entire summer with
    no sex (and then I worry because the kids will be
    here on several vacations too)?

    I’m feeling kind of insecure about him not being
    able to see me the same when children are
    involved, and I’m afraid that will carry over to
    our lives after they leave (not to mention…what
    would happen if one of us DID get our kids to live
    with us??).

    I’m afraid of bringing it up again. I know after
    we talked about it last time, we ended up having
    sex, but I’m wondering if that wasn’t just to
    pacify me (since I cried about the rejection).

    I’ve never really been an insecure woman, and I
    hate how it feels…and I don’t know why I’m so
    concerned now but I am. Do you have any insight
    into what this might mean psychologically? I guess
    I find it hard to imagine a man who likes to have
    so much sex just all of a sudden giving it up and
    then picking back up where we started as soon as
    the kids leave.

    My sexual confidence has plummeted, and I’m
    confused about that because it’s never been an
    issue with me before…I’ve always had PLENTY of
    confidence in that area. So…I feel so hurt and
    scared and undesirable right now…and that’s NOT
    the me I know and love.

    I am open to talking to him about it again, but I
    don’t really know how to approach the subject in a
    way that feels inviting to him because…well…we
    already talked about it and he knows how I feel,
    so how do I go about it without sounding
    incredibly pathetic and making things even worse?

    Any thoughts or suggestions? Again…thank you so
    much for taking the time to listen and talk
    through this with me…

    Much Love, XXX X”

    Okay, Here we go. Here’s my answer.

    Dear XXX X,

    You didn’t mention the ages of the children,
    and this could very well be a big reason for the
    changes from previous years.

    They may be at an age when they know and
    understand what sex is, and this might be making
    your man feel uncomfortable, for whatever reason.

    He’s always been Dad or Mom’s new “husband” (I
    use that term very loosely since you do not wish
    this again, but kids don’t get the difference, not
    really). Now he’s more than that; he’s a sexual
    being to them too, and this might make your man
    feel weird.

    Maybe he’s concerned they will hear you or walk
    in on you. It seems as though he’s having a little
    conflict within himself, one he may very well not
    be aware of or have at least not put thought
    concepts to let alone feelings.

    Men are not great talking about or dealing with
    feelings as I’m sure you know, so even with himself, he’s probably pushing the feelings as well any thoughts aside.

    I have to tell you this:

    When our men reject us for sex, it’s EVER SO RARELY if ever about US. I will say this again
    because it’s vital.

    When our men reject us for sex, IT’S RARELY IF
    EVER ABOUT US.

    I too have to remind myself of this as sensitive as I am. It’s the same with weird moods or withdrawal.

    We too have lots of sex, four times a week on
    average, so I don’t feel deprived anymore or stupid or rejected or less than or not as young or as pretty or as anything as anyone else, at least not in this sort of situation. I don’t feel hurt anymore because I KNOW now that he still wants me, desires me, finds me very sexy, but he’s just not wanting sex in that moment.

    This took time, and he was an integral part of
    it. He quickly saw how hurt I was when this came
    up, so whenever a situation such as yours arose,
    he would lovingly reassure me that all was okay.
    And sure enough a bit later or at the most the
    next day, it would happen.

    It seems to me you have already set the
    groundwork for this with your man. Good, Really
    good.

    I can feel enormously insecure in many ways but
    not in this. Not anymore.

    I feel the most deeply connected and loving
    when bonded in this way. It’s not that I feel
    validation through this act, yet I feel more
    whole, more real, more alive, more with him in a
    way for which I have no words other than profound,
    yet that’s not quite right.

    It seems it’s the same for you. I think it’s
    maybe a more common among women from deep neglect
    and/or abuse. This is something to consider, how
    your past abuse could be reflected in this and
    your reaction around it.

    Knowing all of this can allow you to be more
    sensitive to yourself and to him.

    You may have to talk yourself down anytime this
    occurs again, but that’s not such a bad thing.
    It’s all about awareness. You know he still wants
    you. You now know his “rejection” is not about
    YOU.

    What happens in these circumstances, something
    I’m very familiar with, and most women do this A
    LOT, is allowing your head to board a runaway
    train.

    YOU – “He’s rejected me. He doesn’t want me.
    He’s finding me unattractive. He’s tiring of me.
    He wants someone else. Someone new. Or sex is not
    so important to him.

    We’ll never have sex again.”

    My little story might go like this.

    ME – He’s away, alone, not much to do at night.
    He’s looking at porn. He’s looking at a lot of porn, maybe all night long. He’s looking every day. He will get so used to those pretty, young things as a visual. When he sees me he will be disappointed. He will want to look at just as much porn when I’m there.

    BLAH BLAH BLAH. It’s ALL LIES. Remember the
    lying little gremlin voices? They’re screaming at
    you right now. SHHHHHHHHH. Shut them up. Scream
    back at them.

    He didn’t “end” up having sex with you to pacify you. Men don’t operate that way. He had sex with you because he wanted to, because he finds you enormously attractive, sexy, sensual. And because he loves you.

    My advice to you is to leave him be for now.
    Let him find his footing in this what apparently
    is for him a NEW situation, a new and different
    rhythm, FOR NOW. I doubt his disinterest will
    continue but if it does, then go ahead and speak
    up.

    Tell him it seems as though something is
    bothering him. Is there anything he would like to
    say to you? Tell him that it seems as though the
    children are interfering with his lust for you, and you feel confused by it. It felt awful when he rejected you, You don’t like feeling that way. It
    hurt. You feel weird, scared, whatever about
    initiating again, yet you want him in that way.
    You miss him. Then see what he says.

    Compose a little speech if you have to, and
    memorize it.

    I need this because I feel afraid bringing up
    uncomfortable to me topics though it is far less
    scary than it once was, but still I tend to get
    flustered. You may not.

    So how about letting the YOU you know and love
    back on to take center stage? The key to exactly
    how to do this is in my Sex and Heart ebook.
    You’ll find help in Sex and Heart that you won’t
    get anywhere else – as you follow my story and the
    steps I took to change my feelings about myself
    and my relationship with my man – you’ll be able
    to do exactly what I did and get the same
    incredible results! Check it out here:

    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/sex-and-heart/

    I hope this helps. Let me know what happens and
    if there is anything else I can help with.

    Much love and big hugs,



  223.  #224Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    RE 220 I have to admit I tried and the ejaculation was surprising and awesome.



  224.  #225Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    SLV Isn’t it currently running on E! channel? I watch it every nite on TV.



  225.  #226luzydel on March 20, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    So I said it….

    I said I feel confused…

    he said confused about what?

    I said It has been a long time; I enjoy getting txt from you, but I am missing more.

    He said: I know!!!it’s been crazy for me lately. This week will be much better. Plus it is your birth day week and weekend!!! who coul miss that?

    I said: Thanks, I dont want this to turn into a Txt only situation; I understand we both have things to do, but I would love to see you sometimes…

    No answer yet, but this is something I usually dont do. It wasnt “perfect” but I believe it is a good practice for expressing how I feel and what I want without lashing out at him. We’ll se what happens, I am already prepared for anything to happen.



  226.  #227Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    luzydel How about I feel hesitant to continue this textrelationship? It might be all he can offer right now because he feels your frustration. What do you think?



  227.  #228Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Luzydel look at the positive. He remembered your birthday and initiated contact with that in mind. I know guys who forget their wives birthday every year.



  228.  #229luzydel on March 20, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    FW, This was my last try. it either bring him closer or just push him away further. But I was tired of the passive “cool girl” attitude I was showing to him.

    He can do what he wants, I just needed to say I I feel about it. Maybe he thinks that is all he can give, so I am ready to part and leave it alone. I am ready to receive more from a man. I see I used to take crumbs because I felt it is wrong to ask for things. It is not good to deman or expect them. I would get the hint if I dont hear from him anymore.



  229.  #230Boomer on March 20, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    Hi, Sirens! I hope everyone had/is having a good weekend. Here’s a rundown of my CDing (both men and myself) and my shifting attitude!!!

    I bought furniture this weekend for the basement for my kids. Felt great to do something good for our home. Opened an account for my daughter’s college savings…felt very responsible!

    Date with Alpha/Eeyore Friday. I kept it light. He’s still kind of “broody,” but I find that if I don’t give it any energy, he relaxes. This is not going anywhere serious, but I enjoy his company when things are just light. He is generous and sweet.

    First date with JungleCowboy Saturday. Dinner at a Cajun place. I felt uncomfortable with him – found him loud and insecure. Unmarried men at 44 are a red flag for me. I feel judgmental, but that’s my prerogative when it comes to my heart. He’s not for me. He tried to kiss me, and I offered him my cheek. I would feel surprised if he calls.

    Went dancing with Annie Clyde and David after dinner with JungleCowboy. Now THAT was fun!!!! I was “on” last night. Don’t you love when that happens? Strangely, I was not feeling cute and I am exhausted (period started), but for some reason, my “I don’t give a flip” attitude came through and MEN ATE IT UP! Usually I get little attention when I’m out with Annie Clyde, but her boyfriend was all over her, so most men did not even approach her. I have gotten used to being “consolation prize” when AC is around, so it does not bother me. I’m still “a prize!” I acted hot and flirty and drank just enough to relax and feel free. The band was amazing, I smiled like a fool all night (the keyboard player and the lead guitarist approached me during their break to tell me I am cute and that they appreciated my dancing!), and I laughed my head off. I WAS a rock star diva on the dance floor, and it felt fabulous. As I left the bar with AC and David, I strutted out of there, smiled at every one (men and women), and felt like I OWNED that place. It was awesomely fun.

    Oh, and an ex was there, and told me I am “The one who got away.” It was such a vindication, because this guy was pre-Rori and I made tons of mistakes with him. I let him watch me dance and get approached by other men. He asked if he could call me again, and I said, “Sure, that would feel great.”

    Now that, Sirens, is CDing yourself! And it was far more satisfying that either date I had this weekend!



  230.  #231Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    @224: Femininewoman says:
    “…SLV Isn’t it currently running on E! channel? I watch it every nite on TV…”

    Oh, I don’t watch TV although I have a couple old onesfor emergency–I watched the Oscars. I don’t think I get that station. 😥

    xoxo
    SLV



  231.  #232luzydel on March 20, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    He may want to give more, butihe may not be ready. Who knows, I have to continue my journey.



  232.  #233Daria on March 20, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    Luzydel I feel triggered – personally – when I read ‘I know you are busy But”

    I try to avoid that communication because it cones really easily for me and I feel bad when I encounter it. The feeling is such that the first part seems negated or as if it’s not important… Ie I know you’re busy but I don’t respect it and it’s not actually important. Instead I want This.

    That’s how it triggers me.



  233.  #234Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    CCarter
    WHEN HIS ACTIONS AND WORDS DON’T GO TOGETHER

    You’ve probably figured out for yourself that
    a man can be DOING all the things that say he’s
    interested and wants more with you, but feel like
    he’s not ready or wanting more in terms of a
    relationship at the same time.

    Crazy, right? It’s enough to drive a woman
    mad.

    And what’s worse, a man can DO all kinds of
    things with you from hanging out to take things
    to a sexual level, but he won’t COMMUNICATE about
    what he’s really FEELING.

    At least not until after he decides things aren’t “working” and he’s not ready for a serious
    relationship. What’s up with that?

    I get that it must feel IMPOSSIBLE sometimes
    to get close to a man and have a real
    relationship.

    Well, it’s not. Tons of other women like you have gone from where you are now to having an easy time communicating with the men in their lives and growing from that UNCERTAIN area of the first few dates to a loving and secure relationship.

    I’ve helped tons of women create that “shift” in their dating life or their relationship that now PREVENTS these frustrating things from happening.

    And now I want to share some real-world
    insights with you about how men think… and
    how to make things with that right man work for
    you.

    WHY MEN DON’T CALL AGAIN AFTER GREAT DATES

    I probably don’t have to tell you that men do this “suddenly pulling away” thing in all different situations from casual dating to committed relationships. They do it without warning, and for what seems like no good reason at all.

    How many times have you gone on a first or
    second date with a man and had an absolutely
    fantastic time…

    And you were sure he was going to call and
    felt as strongly about you as you did him…You had both laughed and found so many things you had in common…

    You felt relaxed and confident, and you BOTH
    had a good time flirting and getting to know one
    another.

    Best of all, that magic chemistry you can only share with the right kind of guy was there.

    And it was INTENSE.

    When you went home after being with him, you
    were 100% SURE he would call and ask you out again.

    He had even said “I’ll call you” as he left. But then a few days went by… and nothing.

    What’s the deal here!? Why did he act like it
    was such a great date and even say that he’d call
    you later, when he obviously didn’t plan on it?

    Did he lie simply because it was easier in the moment and he didn’t want to hurt your feelings?

    And was there something strange going on inside HIM he didn’t want to share, show you, or be honest about?

    Or was there something else? Let’s take a
    little trip inside his head to find out…

    WHAT HE’S REALLY THINKING ABOUT YOU EARLY ON

    Here’s the deal: When a man asks you out for a second or third date, what it means is that he’s interested in getting to know you better, because
    he felt a good connection with you on date #1. It
    doesn’t mean that he necessarily wants to be “exclusive” or is thinking “serious relationship.”

    He’s STILL just getting to know you. He’s enjoying your company, getting to know you, starting to wonder about you. So what does that mean for you?

    It means that the best thing for you is to do the very same thing. Use those first few dates to simply get to know if you like this guy and if he’s good for YOU.

    Taking your time like this is good for several
    reasons:

    -You get to make an informed decision about whether he’s worth your time

    -You prevent yourself from getting too wrapped up
    in a man before knowing if he IS worth it

    -You protect yourself from getting your heart broken (if you’re still checking him out and he breaks it off, you haven’t yet determined if he was that great and worth the heart ache, right?)

    So, even though guys do weird things, this is
    one instance where you should follow a guy’s lead.
    Treat those early stages of dating just like a man: Take your time, have fun, and look out for
    you.

    WHAT IF HE DOESN’T CALL?

    There are three reasons a man might choose not
    to pursue a relationship after those first few dates:

    -He didn’t feel the right connection with you

    -He’s emotionally immature and isn’t ready for a
    relationship

    -He’s a player and isn’t capable of forming a
    relationship with you or anyone else



  234.  #235Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    Luzydel it could also be practice in preparation for your happily ever after. You could use him for therapy.



  235.  #236Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    Luzydel…are you still here? have you responded to him yet? i can give some of my examples of what i’d say if you want…:) this is day 2 of him texting you right?

    FW: i love it!! you are a rockstar! Beyonce has a song where she talks about how all the ladies better hold onto their men when she walks into the room…i loveloveloveit!

    Lilybelle…i’m with you Jeffery Morgan is yummy! and yes absolutely take all the SPARKLES you want!! i’m also sending you a bottle of “I’m the Air You Need to Breathe” 😉

    Alonka…nice work! and now just imagine him giving to you no matter what..no matter how long it takes him to get back to you…that helps keep the mind from making up bad stuff..i know you’re not invested so it’s easy practice! 🙂

    SLV i love the description of what you are looking for…it felt lovely to read…magicians are very sweet, thoughtful and caring…and artistic..they are right brained..



  236.  #237Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    @227: Femininewoman says:
    “… I know guys who forget their wives birthday every year…”

    I would be unhappy about that. Maybe I should add that to the other –what did you call it, Heartbreak Prevention question?

    HPQ #2 Have you ever forgotten your wife’s or girlfriend’s birthday?

    or “What do you think about a man who forgets his wife’s or girlfriend’s birthday?”

    This might seem small but I don’t want to have forgotten birthdays.

    xoxo
    SLV



  237.  #238Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 2:32 pm

    Congrats Boomer that sounds like it was great fun. No stressing about men



  238.  #239luzydel on March 20, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Hehe Daria I have difficulty understanding your message. It seems a little subliminal. I guess I still have masculine energies in me. Sometimes I talk like a business partner to the men I date lol.



  239.  #240Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Luzydel…sorry looks like i posted late again… its cause while i’m catching up i dont refresh before posting…ill have to start doing that



  240.  #241Daria on March 20, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    Luzydel – yeah the ‘vibe’ Ie the actual Feeling inspired by our words & movements is subliminal

    But it’s easy to notice when I’m in my feelings

    That was My trigger cuz I know I tend to formulate stuff that way too…



  241.  #242Lorelei on March 20, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    229 – Boomer

    ” for some reason, my “I don’t give a flip” attitude came through and MEN ATE IT UP! ”

    Wow, Boomer – I’d love to know how your “I don’t give a flip” attitude came through – because I would like to cultivate this as well! What a siren vibe.



  242.  #243Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    SLV If I was married to that one in particular it would not be a problem for me. He talks about her all the time and spends a lot of time on the phone with her when they are apart. When she travels to be with him he comes to the office late and stays up late at nights talking with her. It gets so sometimes that I feel disgusted with him because he talks about her so much, he even plans his days around her. This to me is an example of a great that I would forgive that small quirk.



  243.  #244Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Boomer…AWESOME! i love stories like that…nothin feels better than being ON especially out dancing



  244.  #245Honey on March 20, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Hi Ladie and Rori –

    I haven’t been on here for a long time. I’ve been seeing a great guy for the last 5 months. He’s crazy about me and very marriage minded. However, he’s kind of a feminine energy guy. I was wondering if anyone knows of a book out there like Rory’s for men to get more in touch with their MASCULINITY. I’m sure my guy would be open to a book or CD. I don’t know if it would change anything, but he might like it. Either way, in the end, I have to accept him the way he is or move on.

    Anyone have a suggestion?



  245.  #246Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    You know Lorelei when you truly are not invested in any outcome, just out to have fun this is what happens with no work. Once you are truly confident in yourself and who you are this is almost natural. I believe most of us were like that in our younger days.



  246.  #247Lorelei on March 20, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    Update from previous thread:

    In the end the guy with the music clip with the mildly sexy images wasn’t such a big deal for me. But I’m not used to men I have not met yet emailing me things like this, and I’m feeling my way through online flirting! Baby steps!

    I sent this:
    “Dear DoorMan,
    I enjoyed the song you sent – I hadn’t heard it before. I wonder what dancing to the end of love would look like for you? . . . When I’m dancing Salsa, I feel very elegant and very feminine . . . but we’re all usually concentrating on getting our steps in times to the rhythm of the music . . .”

    It didn’t feel right to make a big deal out of it. I sometimes wonder if too many feeling messages to men about how we are triggered can come across as a bit overreactive.



  247.  #248Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    Honey are you mostly masculine energy?



  248.  #249Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    Honey…we’ve been wondering about you..and how you’ve been!! 🙂 i don’t have any suggestions for that…but would love to hear your story about your man…if you care to share?



  249.  #250Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    Lorelie…sounds good to me…i agree…not to make a big deal out of it is usually the way to go…unless it’s a big deal 😉
    oh man…those are some words of wisdom for sure 😉



  250.  #251Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    RE 247 Lorelei that’s how I feel. No human being can fulfil us or give us all that we want, it is just not possible. However, some of these situations are just for practice/therapy and we are looking for what we can create and to learn about ourselves through the practice. Real relationships IMHO require a delicate and guys have feelings too. If they are dealing with their I imagine that to a certain extent they expect we will deal with ours also and not always spill over on them. If we do they will choose to help us sometimes while at other times they will choose not to. Everybody enjoys positive emotions so sharing some instead of the negative all the time can make a difference. I try to seek for balance and sometimes deal with my own negative emotions.



  251.  #252Boomer on March 20, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Lorelei, FW, and Jilly:

    Thanks for the thumbs up! It was a really fun night.

    Lorelei, I don’t know WHAT the deal was. Perhaps the energy I got from JungleCowboy digging me, or the music being just what I needed (classic rock and 80’s hair band dance stuff I know all the words to), or the fact that my BOOBS looked fabulous last night (LOL), but I was just “on.”

    I suspect the “Pineapple Express” fizzy pink drinks David kept buying for me and Annie Clyde had something to do with it too! Although I never really did catch a serious buzz…I was aware that the alcohol loosened me up a bit. I find when I eat a big meal before drinking/dancing, I don’t get drunk but just “happy” and can dance like a fool. I’m often self-conscious about dancing with AC (she used to strip, and so by comparison, I can feel like a dumpy mommy), but if I drink just a bit, I find I don’t care and I find my own moves. I was a gymnast, so I move athletically compared to her “sex tigress” approach, so I just do what I do best. She and I will dance suggestively together too, and men eat that up, LOL.

    When I am just out with friends, I am good about focusing on our good time and NOT on men or attracting them. And subsequently, I DO attract them. “Not giving a flip” works only if you don’t give a flip! I suspect it was a bit about “spring is in the air” too. It was just time to dress in a low-cut top and 4-inch heels and shake it!



  252.  #253Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    I believe that Rori says we can agree on what side we mostly come from masculine or feminine. I am not sure that she says we should only be feminine. If a guy is comfortable being feminine energy and wants to come from there and vice versa for us from mostly masculine, if it is working why force change?



  253.  #254Jilly on March 20, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    FW…i’ve started reading the BIg Leap 🙂 thanks for recommending it…have you read the whole thing?



  254.  #255Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    @FW
    “…This to me is an example of a great that I would forgive that small quirk…”

    I was serious about the asking BD question although I don’t want a date to become an interview. What do you think?

    Do you recommend any other HBQs that are useful for first dates?

    xoxo
    SLV



  255.  #256Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Yes I did read it. I have made progress in my relationship with the kids as a result and somewhat at work. But as with everything I go back and forth a bit, however I am committed to operating from the zone of genius.



  256.  #257snowqueen on March 20, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    Rori – sorry to hear you’ve been unwell – I hope you have a very speedy recovery!

    It’s interesting how your posts just seem to hit the spot. I have been truly experiencing and learning to embrace my emotions this week – I have been hugely triggered recently as I met a guy who is kind of my ideal man and he is very interested in me but it sent me into a total panic. Huge fears of abandonment and rejection surfaced but somehow I managed to remember your advice about welcoming and loving your emotions and it worked!!! I found myself coming to a place of peace much more quickly than normal. I think that may be the most important advice you give because otherwise it is our emotions which hijack us …



  257.  #258Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    It should be done in a subtle feminine way and as long as there is context to bring it up in I say why not. In other words as long as it is not like an interview I believe it could be used.



  258.  #259Boomer on March 20, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    Honey….I suspect Rori would suggest “outgirling” him at every turn. Even if it means that NOTHING happens. Even if it means that awkward silence. Someone will have to fill the void, the silence, the space…let it be him and NOT you.

    It can be hard if you are a masculine energy kind of gal (like lots of here are). But try it…just LEAN BACK to the point where you do nothing. Let him lead. let him talk. Let him make the plans. And if he does NOT, then cultivate your ability to be comfortable in the silence or in the non-action. If he makes no move to call or make plans for the two of you, be OK with a weekend going by without seeing him. It will make HIM wonder what’s going on and make HIM ask you! I can’t guarantee it will change things (he could, after all, be intrinsically feminine and not what you want)…but it will give you some amazing insights into him.

    Also, Rori will totally say DATE OTHER MEN NOW! To take your mind and energies and emphasis off of him solely.

    See her glossary of terms on this site if anything I’ve referred to does not make sense. Good luck!



  259.  #260Honey on March 20, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    Femininewoman –

    I don’t want to force a change. I think everyone needs to be who they want to be. I definitely have a strong masculine energy as well as my feminine energy. At the same time, I have to say that Rori’s book really helped me get in touch with my feminine energy. I’d lost touch with some of that due to life experience. I’m happy with where I am right now in my life. I’m wondering if my guy hasn’t experienced the same thing in reverse. It would be cool for him to have the opportunity to explore that side of his person and see what works for him and what doesn’t. And might also increase the chemistry I feel for him. Chemistry is a little lacking on my side (but fine on his side), but everything else is so great.

    To everyone, hang in there with Rori’s tools. They work great. I am dating my guy exclusively, but I do remember to keep my boundaries, and feel free to say “no” to him when I have other things I feel I need to do – kind of Rori’s concept of “dating myself”. It’s nice to have a guy chase ME for a change. And he does treat me like a princess.

    Thanks Rori and Goddesses!



  260.  #261Boomer on March 20, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    Honey, OK, so, you are not a newbie here! You know the language and the philosophy.

    I was not aware you are already exclusive.

    But I still think I’d try outgirling him when it feels appropriate.



  261.  #262Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    @244: Honey

    Hi, Honey! Welcome back. I’m happy to see things are going well for you.

    xoxo
    SLV



  262.  #263Honey on March 20, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    Boomer –

    Thanks for your suggestions. He DOES take the initiative in the relationship so I don’t have to worry about leaning back. It’s not that. It’s hard to explain. It’s more an issue of him having healthy boundaries and standing up for himself. Not only with me – but with his ex-wife and others. He had a very dominant mother and sister and I think he’s learned to be passive at times. He has also learned to take the initiative in business, though it goes against his grain, and has done very well for himself financially in business. He’s never going to be an Alpha male. He is who he is. I just think there’s this other part of him that may be in him that he hasn’t even had a chance to explore. I’d like him to have the same chance that I have.



  263.  #264Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    Honey it also sounds like trying to “fix” him and I wonder what would happen if nothing changes about him. Can you totally accept him as he is? What do you think?



  264.  #265Femininewoman on March 20, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    Honey seems we posted at the same time but 263 answers some of my questions.



  265.  #266luzydel on March 20, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    So No replies from him. I am guessing he is still processing what I said, or he is watching a Sport game lol. He uswuallu dont reply when a basket ball game is on so I leave him alone.

    Baby steps, wow If I did this with Pablo when we were dating things woul have been different (maybe). I hid my feelings with P and then I blew it when I could not take it anymore. He ran and disappeared. I wonder if P thinks about me sometimes.



  266.  #267Honey on March 20, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Femininewoman –

    I don’t know yet if I can totally accept him as he is. He really is a great guy – so generous and caring. I’m trying to figure out how much chemistry factors in and how important it is to me.

    My guy is still recovering from a very bad marriage and divorce. His ex is highly narcissistic. Very controlling and passive aggressive. Plus she had an affair for 2 years while they were in counseling and supposedly working on the marriage that he knew nothing about until the divorce was already long underway. She basically spent every penny he made and then some. Then refused to do any housework other than take care of the kids. She wouldn’t even let the dogs out of the house because she liked to nap in the day. The dogs would do their business in the house and she would leave it there for him to clean up. Needless to say, this did a number on his self-esteem. They split up less than 2 years ago. So I think it’s too soon to know how he’ll end up. So I need to take my time.



  267.  #268Honey on March 20, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    Femininewoman –

    I think you’re right, though, I am trying to “fix” him in a way. Part of me wants to do that and the other part knows that this is an “as is” deal. And I know that I will resent him in the end if I feel like I have to fix him. The good thing about him is that he is still a growing person, and open to discuss things, and that’s really important to me.

    Ultimately I will have to except him as he is, but I’m not sure who that will be yet another 5 months from now.



  268.  #269luzydel on March 20, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    Na email I just got at ok cupid…It triggered me that he mentioned he is doing well fiancially. But who knows and I travel to Europe this year lol.

    Hello…
    I don’t usually write this much, but I found something about you really striking. Truly.

    Great profile. I’m wondering if you’d like to chat. I realize you probably get a lot of emails, but at the very worst you could end up with a good friend or just someone to talk to. No pretenses. I’m very down to earth, *love* to cook, and do quite well financially. I have a pretty sarcastic wit and joke a lot, but can easily socialize in most any setting.

    I’m a chief technology officer at a local company. Demanding job, but I love it and now I’m looking to reengage with dating. I have no mental baggage and love to do foodie road tours. I’m always emotionally supportive and empathetic towards other people’s issues. I have a great family – 5 brothers and sisters — and was raised well.

    This is the year I travel Europe – Italy is my next destination. I’m going to the Tuscany cheese, wine, and chocolate festival. Perhaps you’d like to go — on me, of course? Sorry, just joking, but I’m not if we hit it off! 😉

    All the best,



  269.  #270Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    @268: luzydel

    Does the e-mail seem unusual to you or like most of the ones you receive? I’m curious about the first line. He doesn’t mention what it is about your profile. Do you think it’s a form letter?

    xoxo
    SLV



  270.  #271luzydel on March 20, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    SLV. I get quite a few emails, but not so well written. So I am assuming (I know I shouldn’t) that this may be a copy/paste email he sents to people.
    I replied anyway, just to keep the game going lol.



  271.  #272Boomer on March 20, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    Luzydel, please enlighten me on how you score these successful men? I can only get “redneck” boys to be interested in me! I have a master’s degree, I am clean-cut and girl-next-door like you look, and I too an “do quite well financially.”

    I would KILL to have a man like this write to me on OkStupid!!!!



  272.  #273Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    @270: luzydel says:
    “…So I am assuming (I know I shouldn’t) that this may be a copy/paste email he sents to people.
    I replied anyway, just to keep the game going lol….”

    He sounds fun; maybe there’s more in next exchange. It’s good to have CD to look forward to.

    What day is your birthday?

    xoxo
    SLV



  273.  #274Boomer on March 20, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    Luzydel: Although it did seem form-letter-y to me. And all about him. No real questions about YOU.



  274.  #275luzydel on March 20, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    Boomer I met some succesful men on Eharmony, they did acted like sugar daddys though. I met a lawyer, doctor and a guy who worked at a pharmeceutical company. Good thing about it was great dates, with alot of intellectual conversations. Bad thing was that they were a little vain and were playing the field. But I did have very fancy dates with them.



  275.  #276luzydel on March 20, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    SLV My birthday is this Tuesday 🙂



  276.  #277Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    @275: luzydel says:
    “…SLV My birthday is this Tuesday …”

    Happy birthday, March 22nd. You were a first days of spring baby, a joy and treat for your mother!

    xoxo
    SLV



  277.  #278Jacqueline on March 20, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    Honey – hi! been awhile and so nice to see you!

    Luzyd….I’ve just been vicariously participating in your story – but that email screams to me – bunches of stuff (I online dated for over 2 years and have lived with someone I met for a year and a half now…Mr. Lowkeyed, lol)

    1. He says he’s sarcastic – so that later if he puts you down or whatever, he can say he was just “joking?”…

    2. Offers to take you on a trip if you are “right” whilst mentioning how financially succesful he is, etc. – right away positioning himself to be 1. the more successful person, therefore the “chooser,” and 2. dangling a carrot to someone….

    and offering basically sex and food IF you are good enough?

    Just ugh….so sorry, but give me Mr. Lowkeyed Carpenter guy any day.

    I’ve been arm candy to a bunch of men, and this is what they sound like –

    Boomer, you sure you want that with my interpretation?

    And absolutely – not tailored to a single specific comment about your profile – lazy, looking for a pretty “fish” easily hooked….

    but if you treat it like a game and remain that way – it’s all good!

    Jolie



  278.  #279Boomer on March 20, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    Luzydel, I have had very little luck on eHarmony. My theory is that I answered my questions a long time ago–and they keep using that profile (it’s less expensive to renew a membership on an old profile than it is to start anew and re-answer questions). I suspect that I have changed enough that the men they hook me up with are no longer “my style.” I was going through a super spiritual phase (now it’s just who I am and is not “a phase”), so I suspect that a certain very “sweet” religious man is who they see me with. I admit, I like a hint of bad boy. Just a man who is about as “bad boy” as I am “bad girl.” Which is to say, not much, but enough to be exciting and only in private.

    Hmmmm….



  279.  #280Honey on March 20, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Ok, been doing some research.
    Anyone heard of book, “The Way of the Superior Man” by David Deida? Would this be considered the male counterpart to RR’s teaching?



  280.  #281Jacqueline on March 20, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Honey – good for you!!! 5 months!!! yeah!

    Dr. Paul has a whole forum for guys…and SLV – sorry you didn’t like him, he is an actual psychiatrist and he’s kind of …I dunno….but I do think he has the “male” mind pegged….

    and he says that males are all about their career success and preening etc for the female.

    So maybe something from him, Honey –

    but I can say I dated a few guys whose women had had affairs – actually, the one I live with went through it, and he can be so….gay!!! lol…but so well endowed ahem that you can’t ever really mistake him har…

    anyway, it seems to totally traumatize the good guys in a way it wouldn’t me…maybe makes them feel “less than” for like, ever?

    After a year and a half he’s learned to hide his jealous bs but sometimes I see glimpses of I’m insecure….and I just decided he had enough good qualities to ignore it and let it be his issue.

    But if I wanted him to man up – well, besides yelling THAT at him, which I have done….

    just ask him to do things you can do yourself and then go all girly on how amazing it was what he did – and provide plenty of sex and how great it and he is and was…and ignore moments of insecurity and just draw out the behavior you want.

    It’s worked well for me – and really, he does all kinds of stuff that no girl could do – plants large trees, builds sunrooms….

    but the taking the trash out? I didn’t even have to “Rori” him…he just thinks I oh, so shouldn’t have to do it for some odd reason….what an advantage –

    so that’s what I focus on the good stuff you get from a less dominant guy –

    funny tho – he totally hates holding my purse!

    Good luck,
    Jacqueline



  281.  #282Jacqueline on March 20, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    I think David Deida is another name for David DeAngelo aka Eben Pagan – who is Rori’s producer or something…not so much manning up maybe but how to get the girl??

    And I’d be really careful on how I presented a self improvement book on how to be a man, Honey….

    maybe start by reading it yourself and making suggestions??

    anyway, good luck, and

    Happy Spring Springing everyone!

    J



  282.  #283Daria on March 20, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    Honey – David Deida is GREAT! and superior man is great for a man. That is actually a book a man would like.

    BUT the thing is, giving it to him IS a masculine move, so the sooner WE outgirl him, the faster he learns masculine (yes even that one last time when it just oh but it just just just makes sense… like giving him a helpful book).

    Instead what’s worked for me a la Rori is double hard try to outgirl him myself.

    HMM

    oh but i so want you to give him the David Deida book too…

    maybe it won’t be so bad?? 🙁

    love language gifts?

    🙁

    i feel confused

    ok BOTH

    lean back AND give him the book, after telling him you’d feel good to be a treated a certain way and you like the way the book says it for you



  283.  #284Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    @277: Jacqueline says:
    “…but if you treat it like a game and remain that way – it’s all good! Jolie…”

    Hi “J” i love your online expertise. I’m living vicariously too and learning all the while. Let’s see how the next exchange goes for Luzydel’s guy.

    I believe he might be a fun date, worth checking out, even though he’s building himself up a bit. I wonder how he would react to a siren that “didn’t give a flip?”

    How’s your job campaign coming along? And your arms and shoulders!

    I saw Pamelala’s art work on your site. Very nice.

    xoxo
    SLV



  284.  #285Daria on March 20, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    BUT… what if I just TALKED TO HIM ABOUT how i’d like to be treated… he’d learn it more handson… the book could also be an intellectual manual…

    tell him im into masculine feminine energies… and i want to practice being the feminine… does he think he can be the mascuilne leader for the dance?



  285.  #286Boomer on March 20, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    Jacqueline, you put it that way, and yeah. I’m just a little bored and frustrated with the local typical man. The more educated and professional men do not ever seem interested in me. And the more blue collar men don’t usually interest me intellectually. Not always, and I am/have been really open minded.

    Annie Clyde says it’s because I have a “no bullshit meter” that the player men can sense, and so they do not even approach me. I guess I would not enjoy being seen as “eye candy” or used as a prop, so perhaps I am fortunate that these men do not like me?



  286.  #287Daria on March 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    nah i dont even want to ask him

    instead ill just say more of how i feel

    i feel better when the man leads… sigh 🙂

    yay and ill just keep saying that…

    i feel awkward

    i feel resentment builiding up between us

    — IMPT QUESTION FOR RORI … is it “too much” to say “i feel resentment building up between us” is it too much focus on the Relationship? is it time to go “out the window”? or is it OK and even advised to talk about “concerns” in the relationship like this

    it IS my feelings…

    but i have other feelings…

    or?

    i feel confused.

    please help. thanks.



  287.  #288Daria on March 20, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Rori – is it “appreciating” or “leaning forward” to gush over a guy like… omg you are so fine, i feel so attracted to you… i feel giddy around you… i feel so glad you are interested in me… i feel insecure around you…

    ?

    as in is it “sireny” to gush over a guy that to us is like movie start matthew macanaugheu?

    like if he was REALLY that hot to us, is it ok? to gush over him? cuz i feel overwhelmed?

    or will that push him away?

    help please :(( AACK!!!



  288.  #289Winnie on March 20, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    279: Honey says:

    “Anyone heard of book, “The Way of the Superior Man” by David Deida? Would this be considered the male counterpart to RR’s teaching?”

    Honey, I haven’t read any of David Deida’s work, but there are quite a few you tube videos of his seminars. This link might be a place to start.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IZrkMZyEWY



  289.  #290Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    @280: Jacqueline says:

    “…Dr. Paul has a whole forum for guys…and SLV – sorry you didn’t like him…”

    Well, I don’t dislike *him* because I’ve not read any of this material, except for the paragraphs in the “test.” I was initially disappointed that I tested as queen looking for magician. I saw me as warrior maybe… hahahaha, he says feminine, nurturing, maybe I am…or it means nothing.

    The magician thing didn’t seem too attractive either but on thinking it over, I think it might be right on… lots of coincidences. So funny now when I think about it. So…I’ll be checking out Paul this spring. I’m on his list now. I’m sure there are some “nuggets” and wise words there and I’ll grab those and make them my own!

    xoxo
    SLV



  290.  #291Daria on March 20, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    Boomer – I LOVE BEING E”YE CAND”Y and used as a prop!

    omg that is so fuuunnnnn

    when you know youre in the passanger seat of a guy’s car

    and you are the most blinging thing in the whole world

    your earrings sparkling

    and

    its like all the lights

    and you are amazing

    and he feels proud of having a Goddess next to him

    i feel Extravagant

    omgohs

    i LOOOOVEEE THAT FEELING WITH A MAN

    (AM I SELF SABOTAGING??? OMG :()

    do i purposely hurt myself that way?

    but i Loove being eye candy/…

    or do i?

    omg

    🙁

    i thought it turned me on

    mhmmm
    maybe im like wounded and trying to hurt myself that way

    omgosh

    how horrible

    no
    yes no

    omg

    too much

    mhm

    well it def can be fun like why not be matthew macannaugheus arm candy i mean look at him and he thinks im gorgeus

    i guess i liek gorgeus guys to reinforce to me that im gorgeaus that such a gourgoesu guy would pick me

    hmmm

    weird

    that felt so weird
    to just do

    omg

    trippy



  291.  #292Honey on March 20, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    J and D –

    Thanks for the advice. My guy is into self-improvement so I think I could give it without putting pressure on him and he would check it out. Advice for a man should be like a fountain that flows from which he can choose to take a drink or not.

    Jacqueline – My guy’s mom and sis used to think he was gay. He’s not and attraction on his side is definitely not a problem. I think he is the way he is because his Mom and Sis were VERY dominant, and his dad rather passive. It’s like they bullied the confidence out of him…then he married someone who did the same thing. His masculinity comes out in business and in seeing his role as a father and as a provider for his family. He has bought me beautiful gifts and taken me on a vacation and on wonderful dates. He is definitely a giver, which allows me to be the receiver, which is nice. He is always there for me and takes good care of me. My kids, family and friends think he is great. But…if he could only be a bit more of a MAN!



  292.  #293Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    @281: Jacqueline says:
    :…I think David Deida is another name for David DeAngelo aka Eben Pagan –…”

    Eben Pagan is David DeAngelo but David Deida is another guy.

    I’ve seen some of Deida videos on YouTube. So-so. Some good stuff. I’m no too into him so can’t say too much.

    xoxo
    SLV



  293.  #294Jacqueline on March 20, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Hi, SLV! Well, the Activities Director I didn’t get that particular job but managed not to send her a why in the world did you waste my time on two interviews email…lol…and now she’s saying she’s wanting me for another opening they “may” have…so I feel like it will eventually work out, esp. with the turnover they have – which I should have thought of before anyway.

    My hands have to be iced every time I massage, but my clients love it and are really happy and tip well and say great things, and the spa treats me “special” because of it like I get to be on call, do no more than 3 etc…so it’s a way to make money and if it didn’t hurt me I’d like it alot…and can do it as limited as I am for awhile.

    Thank you for asking! And absolutely, men like that can totally be “had” if you lean back and don’t take them seriously –

    especially when they find out you’re brilliant too – it’s like irresistable, so yeah! – but the mention of the a la Bachelor – honeymoon suite in the first email – I wouldn’t like it. haha…but I’d probably still want to me him to judge in person if he really was all that.

    Boomer, I get you – but I’m reminded of what my friend who posted all about femininity on my blog had happen. He gets interested in this waitress, brings her flowers and candy for Valentines….and she’s got a star of David on so he thinks she’s Jewish…and he starts talking to her and she doesn’t even know it’s a star of David so then he asks her about Wicca and she doesn’t know about the star pointing up vs. the star pointing down…AND then…she says, well, you certainly are educated for a working man. and he says….totally askew and tongue tied cuz he is very profound and brilliant and deep – no, I’m just into symbols….rofl….

    so, well, working men – you gotta see what’s in there???



  294.  #295Jacqueline on March 20, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    and….yall are going to laugh – a GUY had to tell me women masturbate…yep, not a word from my mother but a book on periods….

    which actually turned out to be so great, cuz I had no preconceived notions and sex was just always mindblowingly fabulous.

    But he said don’t use a coke bottle cuz it’ll explode…

    omgosh, I have had the GREATEST men in the world in my life, for real.

    One took me to planned parenthood and got me bc pills…yep, no word on that from dear old mother either…..

    I’ve been a lucky lucky girl – and I’d totally rather give oral than receive….so very much like a lolipop!!!

    blushing at my boldness there….

    Pinkj



  295.  #296Daria on March 20, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    i just undid a king in my thinking

    ok a kink

    so what

    kinkiy is good
    doesnt have to be stragiht

    wow so much sexual undertone

    lol

    i am writing

    i am the killer writer

    i went to see a movie last nite!

    yay it was good!

    i feel hunched over like the hunchback of notredame right now – that is NOT a good feeling

    i’m using self deprecating humor

    i love me

    i am so awesome

    im like an old english writer…

    omg

    i feel dry

    and strawlike

    mm

    NOT a good feeling

    what i f i just felt it without judging

    (mothafu0cka)

    uf

    this is hard work you guy!S

    this feeling thing!

    ive always had to work so hard l(((

    too hard L(((

    boo hoo

    life has been hard

    life is hard

    booo hoooo

    life is hard

    boo hooo

    i feel sad you guys

    i hadt o work so hard

    i wdont want to anymore

    i want to work good

    i want to feel good

    i want to be good

    i just did the triple habbit rhyme

    uf

    this is hard

    staing with my feelings

    of judging myself

    it feels uncomfortable

    im doing something different in the moment

    by writing it down

    but right now

    i am noticing some of my eeryday feelings and they are like

    “shame”

    i feel shame a lot 🙁

    i’d like to NOT feel shame

    is that good?

    no we’re suppoded to feel everything?

    ugh!

    i send compassion to the part of me that feels shame

    pain

    compassion to the part of me that feels pain

    i am under pain right now

    i am feeling deliriously lonely

    im going dumb without my universal lover

    UGH

    butterfly alone

    FU(CK YOU

    everybody

    i ugh

    ugh

    ugh

    i want to have SEXXXXXX

    i am the mutltiplex galacy birth zone

    UGH

    I FEEL SOL ANGRY!!!!!



  296.  #297Winnie on March 20, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    Honey, just buy the book for yourself! Let him be curious about what has you soooo engrossed. He’ll want to read it you don’t push it on him. ; )



  297.  #298Daria on March 20, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    Jaqueline – i dindt learn about that from my mothereither…

    WTF! i wouldnt’ feel comfortable and im glad

    but i learned from books and my cousin talking to me and some gf’s

    and bc pills all me baby and planned parenthood



  298.  #299Daria on March 20, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    yeah i totally dont feel comfortable talking about masturbation with my mother

    and now im having “trouble” talking about sex to men haha

    but ill figure it out

    i rather prefer that my mom keeps her sex life private

    and mine is private

    it makes it more mysterious feeling

    and special

    and like sacred and all that cool sexy quiet safe rest hush hush place



  299.  #300Daria on March 20, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    Winnie – haha thats a GREAT Idea! then even you could already know that stuff so you’ll be ready to connect with him there if worst case scenario he doesnt read it



  300.  #301Jacqueline on March 20, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Good to know on the Davids –

    Honey, I know – mine was a mama’s boy and the baby of 10! children…but he’s got a freaking IRON will in there – more stubborn than Mr. Charismatic deep down –

    I’m glad your guy is into self improvement, and yeah, if mine hadn’t shown me his immovability when he wants to dig his heals in, it probably would have – no it would have – been a deal breaker.

    But he did say about the woman who cheated – she mistook my kindness for weakness….

    and he’s not weak at all…and he totally walked away from her.

    But I don’t know how to help, except to hope it goes well and you can do it!!! Maybe start asking him to decide more and more stuff until he gets used to making decisions??

    google how to man up my guy? lol…I bet there’s all sorts of stuff out there.

    Just find something he does way better than you and praise it to high heavens for now??

    off to get groceries and look at the blue blue sky –

    everyone enjoy!!!



  301.  #302Daria on March 20, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    Honey – your guy sounds sensitive to YOU and that sounds great. perhaps a guy that sensitive WILL read the book and that would be stepping up in intself in this situation.



  302.  #303Daria on March 20, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    meaning the guy is not ‘just’ sensitive, but sensitive to YOU… which Rori says is a good thing…



  303.  #304Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    @296: Winnie says:
    “…Honey, just buy the book for yourself! Let him be curious about what has you soooo engrossed. He’ll want to read it you don’t push it on him. ; )…”

    Brilliant! Just buy it “to help me understand men.” And there it is on the bookshelf, not hidden but not prominently displayed either.

    And I never mention it. BRILLIANT! And if a guy is never curious about it, I will read it and understand more about men… But maybe he’ll see it and want to read it. Brilliant!

    xoxo
    SLV



  304.  #305Daria on March 20, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    omg that italy vacation thing does sound awesome!

    he sounds corny – too shakespeare speaking style for me – but if the guy told ME THE SAME MESSAGE in a type of language i felt comfortable with

    boy id be FEELING JUICED TO GO TO TUSCANY~~~



  305.  #306Daria on March 20, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    Slv – thats what i said!



  306.  #307Jacqueline on March 20, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    Daria – good for you having what you want! and…well…the huge benefit of no knowledge?

    for an entire year I dated the most gorgeous fabulous all the other girls hated me guy – I guess a small scale like Robert Pattinson?….much too old for me tho – 22! but all the high school girls wanted him…

    anyway, we ummmm….exploded….at the same instand EVERY SINGLE time –

    so the NEXT boyfriend, I’m all confused lol…like what’s the problem here – this is weird….

    yeah, lucky lucky me

    He was super romantic too – always hopping fences and stealing arm loads of flowers for me….one time someone pulled a gun on him and he charmed the guy right out of the flowers….laughing at what young and foolish can be –

    and then! it happened….I got INTO him….after a whole year of bascially not noticing him that much…yeah, even with the sex, I was into me – painting, reading, yoga etc….

    and it and he was gone within 3 months.

    He like begged me to love him and obsess about him (when he was gone I forgot about him…) and when I did? out of there….

    Lotsa lessons early on, huh?!

    but all in all – men have always been really really good to me. yeah!



  307.  #308Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    @305: Daria says:
    “…Slv – thats what i said!…”

    Do you mean about the book? Great minds must think alike, all of us. I didn’t see your post when I was typing but I’m thinking I might do something like that for myself.

    xoxo
    SLV



  308.  #309Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    omg so im having GREAT response to putting “i want to get my pussy ate” as my headline on myspace (my dating site)

    3 guys have contacted me, that i kinda have talked to before

    adn one of these guys was like too forward

    and i said well i dont think i want to to meet because you seem very driven sexually and i dont feel comfortable with that

    im practicing expressing myself sexually

    and he mentioned that

    and then he talked to me for like 30 minuted

    like a conseling session on me expressing my sexuality. he says he loves women who are agressive that way because they are able to express what they want

    and it would REALLY turn him on

    and i even openend up and told him about guys in the past, and when i felt insecure… and how i feel vulnerable now becuase i think he’s gonna think im less worthy now because i told him some other guy had treated me bad

    but he reassured me that he finds me MORE attractive because i am opening up to him

    so we really connected emotionally when he called responding to my open sexuality

    wow thats tight!

    i feel excited

    i felt like i did some DEEP work

    i have never been so honest iwth a guy

    like to tell him that i felt so insecure about something so … something i felt so insecure about

    wow go me

    i did a really really good job you guys

    that was deep

    i am definitely getting healing from this



  309.  #310Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    Jaqueline – sigh, yeah i felt heartbreak it feels heavy



  310.  #311Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    Now i put as my headline:

    “Lover wanted… Must be attractive, willing to please, dependable… Applications for interview now accepted”

    and 2 guys have commented hehe

    I feel really uncomfortable and in the spotlight sexually and yet it feels exciting and also i feel flattered to see that i have a fan club of men who find me attractive



  311.  #312Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    it’s like im running my own lil bachelorette show… like Brenda and who else, Lucy? suggested

    i wrote

    please call in to schedule an in person inteview. I would feel excited to meet you. lol 🙂



  312.  #313Honey on March 20, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    Winnie –

    Fantastic idea! I will get it…probably the CD version, because he has dyslexia and trouble reading. Then I’ll listen to it myself. Then let him “stumble across it”. He will for sure ask what I’m listening to. Then I will offer to let him borrow it. He commutes a lot, and can listen to it in the car. Very clever, Winnie. Thanks!



  313.  #314Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    this is FUN!

    i gotta bachelorette thing going

    i got like 5 or 6 guys tryna sign up and send me resumes and applications lol



  314.  #315tinque on March 20, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    Anything by David Deida is fantastic, my favorites are Dear Lover and Blue Truth though Way of the Superior Man is good too. It’s a Guy Thing is another good one.

    Most definitely not David DeAngelo and neither one manage Rori.

    xxoo



  315.  #316Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    omg i just realized that if i interrupt and take the lead with “feminine” men Now,,,

    i must also be doing the same interrupiting and taking the lead subtly with the men i DO like who i really really want and cant see as anything but mascuilne pwoerhouses and sex gods!

    and so of course they might not want me, i interrupt them and take the lead and its probably annoying and a turn off!!!

    so by me even cultivating it with SOME of the guys im not attracted to, im allowing it to “slip” when its important

    and if i cultivated with those guys complete femininity….

    then it woudl come natural with the sexy alpha men i AM attracted to

    omg

    deep



  316.  #317Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    cuz i like the men that can get a lot of women

    so that means there may be a girl out there that can outgirl ME

    and thats my biggest fear

    but

    if im always GIRL in my flow then i CANT be outgirled

    GRR

    i feel scared!

    i want to be constant girl and feeling myself!

    i want to feel loved!



  317.  #318tinque on March 20, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    Daria – There is nothing wrong in showing appreciation the way you suggested, BUT it needs to come from a place of sincerity, true appreciation rockstar style and not a place of neediness or a seeking of validation.

    You tell him your feelings once, and leave it at that.

    xxoo



  318.  #319Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    if the man i like can get a lot of women

    and i get a lot of men

    does that mean we will compete?

    ive gone into that before

    i dont want that

    i just want to be about ME and flow him in, and treat him like a man, just a regular old man, a regular man, my man?

    i want to know him as a person

    but i am turned on by his pheromonic body smell and his allure

    but i want to build relationship with my heart



  319.  #320Prairie Girl on March 20, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    Boomer!!!! Woo hoo!… Sounds like an amazing night.. cant wait to hear if the ex follows up… would be fun to practice what you’ve learned on him…

    Ah.. I feel bad anybody w/cowboy in their description was a drag… Oh wait… cowboys sometimes are drags to me too… sigh…lol

    XOXO
    PG



  320.  #321Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    Tinque – thank you.

    yes the thing is, my feelings are jsut… GUSHY. if that’s the best thing.

    and it is not about ME being trying to be validating…

    im actually trying to be open that he is JUST that overhwhelming to me, he is like my idol my sex god

    see??

    very gushy… but its not about trying to get compliments from him – im getting those

    its about me feleing like whoa youa re really that FLY and like wanting to keep saying wow

    will a guy get turned off by me just saying WOW you stun me you tkae me off my feet make me weak in the knees? i want you? i want o fuck you?



  321.  #322Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    Tinque – thank you.

    yes the thing is, my feelings are jsut… GUSHY. if that’s the best thing.

    and it is not about ME being trying to be validating…

    im actually trying to be open that he is JUST that overhwhelming to me, he is like my idol my sex god

    see??

    very gushy… but its not about trying to get compliments from him – im getting those

    its about me feleing like whoa youa re really that FLY and like wanting to keep saying wow

    will a guy get turned off by me just saying WOW you stun me you tkae me off my feet make me weak in the knees? i want you? i want o fu*ck you?



  322.  #323Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    so i dont feel it just once, i feel like bursts of extreme appreciation for his awesome godlike aura



  323.  #324tinque on March 20, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    well then gush Daria. once. and keep flowing in your goddess energy.

    if he’s turned off by this kind of intense goddessness, then maybe he’s not all that after all.

    xxoo



  324.  #325Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    do you see how extreme that sounds? yet that’s how i feel?

    am i just an amazingly feminine appreciating woman?

    am i just that soft and gushy that id like ADORE my man like an Adonis and believe him to be AMAZING/?

    is that good? we ARE suppoed to be cheerleaders for, and admire our men

    is that like me seeing him as godlike as in i feel awestruck in his presence?

    that is GOOD

    im being expressive

    does this push him away?



  325.  #326tinque on March 20, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    I understand the feeling continues in bursts, but voicing it once is enough if you’re not in a relationship with him which you’re not. Then you just sink into the good feeling, the ones inside yourself about yourself and the ones about him. If he;s any kind of man, he will feel all of this.

    xxoo



  326.  #327Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    tinque – he hasn’t actually gotten turned off… im feleing insecure as this is uncharted territory for me. this is a Mr. Desire.

    i don’t Want him to get turned off. i want him to know ahead of time.

    he tells me im attractive allt he time and hes like complimenting me and making me feel good

    i feel like gushing, but not ONCE. i feel like gushing almost constantly

    i feel like this with men im attracted to

    im notsure whether this is feminine or masculine. but i know its nowhere near ONCE. more like once every 5 minutes or once a day or once a talk depending



  327.  #328Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:37 pm

    tinque – hmm i dont quite see the diff between being in a relationship with him or not…

    im feeling resistant to voicing it ONCE

    i do also see how perhaps i can just be quiet and enjoy the feleing and see what happens

    tho i feel compelled ot “finally” get to appreciate a man i really find attractive

    🙁

    i don’t want to hold back

    i want to ssay… baby i feel so turned on i feel so amazing around you… you are like a god to me

    ok

    thanks for processing here with me tinque

    i am feeling tightened up around my heart

    i am afraid you are telling me that i already overdid it by expressing to him that i find him attractive

    i guess what i’d like to hear is YES, this is absolutely feminie and this will make him feel appreciated and fall in love with you

    i love me

    yes it can, if his language is words of appreciation

    i also spontaneously exppress to my guy partnas(friends) i feel so much love for you and i love you etc

    and it feels good

    i feel heartbonded

    i want to be able to express this to my man

    from thie overflowing in my heart

    its like a volcano

    i feel scared

    what if he runs away from me?

    he is too fine

    i treat the ones i really like differently

    ugh

    i feel scared

    am i being “different”

    ugggff



  328.  #329Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    goddamit i feel rebellious! i will say i find you attractive if iwant to dammit!
    you can runway but you cant stop me from speaking how i feel

    effu!



  329.  #330Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    uhoh this sounds very agressive

    i am feeling triggered

    maybe im going back to my old pattern of when i was 5

    and decleared that i like the blond boy no matter what

    no matter how rude he acted toward me, i would not stop declarig my feelings, which was that i liked him

    even if he left, i still had to declare that i found him attractive

    because it was
    ME

    and it was the truth

    and that’s what im doing with GETRIGHT right now

    and with many other men

    omg

    im just like

    “I LIKE YOU” (and i dont care if you like it or not)

    uohh!

    how do i fulfill the positive intention behind this drive? (and waht is it)



  330.  #331Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    thats commone for little girls even like Angelica in the Rugrats

    but i dont know how to deal with this

    and it feels bad

    and yet i STILL feel attracted to the blond boy

    its almost like pointing at him and saying

    “ew you stink”

    but instead im saying

    “ew you’re very attractive”

    omgosh

    i want to heal this please

    this feels so exposing and vulnerable i feel like im being fuc9ked

    or that mihg tbe all the porn i watched yesterday

    geez

    i am VERY unsuaul huh

    im jus t yelling to be me

    saying stunning things in order to make room for myself

    being “different”

    but i DID do those things,

    “Youres uspoosed to hide it”

    omgosh

    uigh

    what would be the most loving thing i can do for Daria at 5 to teach her the importance of her feelings?



  331.  #332tinque on March 20, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    I suggested once only because the urge seems so strong within you. I would like to hear about what happens of you try BEING with these feelings in his presence, see how this feels to you.

    I would imagine that if you gushed constantly, I don’t know that it would necessarily be a turn off, but it might scare him, or if he’s a player type he could possibly use this against you in ways that might hurt.

    I’m not suggesting restraint in your feelings. Feel it all. I am suggesting to exercise this is your words, UNLESS you have no attachment to the outcome, and you just feel like experimenting.

    How does this feel?
    xxoo



  332.  #333tinque on March 20, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    I can’t tell you that anything you say or don’t say will get him to fall for you. You have no control over this.
    But NO MAN is too fine for you. NO MAN.

    You are the prize. You are all that. Keep this as close to your heart as you can.

    xxoo



  333.  #334tinque on March 20, 2011 at 5:49 pm

    And it’s okay to feel scared around this. I certainly do as do most of us.
    xxoo



  334.  #335Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:49 pm

    im not sure i know yet

    – yes some boys will be naturally attractive, but don’t let that bother you in any way. appreciate the attentions of men coming toward you.. you are a magnet. your job is to pull men towards you by being happy and sharing happiness. and so you will pull all men, some cute, some not, some very attractive, some very helpful, some very loving, towards you. and that is how you win boys. the end

    what do you think?

    are you down for it?

    ”’ are you sure that’s how you win boys?””

    well i am adult Daria and i think so, but has the old way worked for you?

    “””No””””

    ok

    so are you willing to try something new and see for yourself ?

    “”I feel afraid i will feel more lonely than i do now “””

    I will be here for you… as far as boys, are you willing to try something new to win with boys in the game of love? Since what you were trying before wasn’t working? Are you willing to try this way I’m offering you?

    “””” yes “”””

    ok awesome!

    and i feel sorry you feel lonely.

    hey

    i promise to be here and play with you… and ask me to anytime ok?

    i will be here for you now

    give me a hug

    awwww

    good girl

    now

    cna i ask you something?

    will you hlep me be more whole?

    “yeah”

    ok thank you

    bbyes!

    now

    bye!!!



  335.  #336Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    TINQUE YOU ARE SO AWESOME… what you are saying is really helping me!



  336.  #337Boomer on March 20, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    PG:

    Yes, it was an interesting weekend. Empowering too.

    JungleCowboy is just his screen name. He’s more like LoudMouthInsecure Guy. I feel bad for him–he seems like he’s not a bad guy. Just terribly insecure and obnoxious as a cover up.

    Even if the ex does not call, I’ll be just fine. I got what I needed out of him last night. He’s younger than I am, and another “never been married” Peter Pan guy. But he’s cute and a bit harmless and perhaps worth another look-see.

    Jacqueline, I do give and have given blue collar men a fair shake. For me it’s more about common lifestyle and interests. I stay open-minded, but when a man with a picture on his profile of him holding up a fish in a wife-beater t-shirt sends me an email that says only, “Hey, Sexy!” I’m not overly intrigued or inspired to respond.

    I have found in the past that if I was happy dating a man who makes less than I do or who is less educated than I am, he is the one who is uncomfortable. Not me. I am not flashy or showy, but I am what I am: I have a nice home, I speak articulately and with a certain vocabulary, and I dress nicely at my professional job. I am who and what I am, and sometimes that does not work for “blue collar” men. And that’s mostly who lives in my area. The professional men are typically married (very Catholic town) and if they are free/single, for some reason, I do not attract them.

    So…I may have to explore that. DO I not attract them? Then why? Are there just not many of them? Am I perhaps acting in such a way that I put off blue collar men who might otherwise engage if I did not do whatever it is I’m doing?

    Hmmmm.



  337.  #338Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    I just talked to lil girl daria who was blurting out how she was feeling – but not all of it and not having good boundaries around humiliation and heartache

    and i helped her!

    and now she’s gonna try the new way!

    she comes out when i REALLY REALLY like someone



  338.  #339Daria on March 20, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    Boomer – i suggest you secretly CD yourself by putting on a wifebeater and going fishing

    that would really SHAKE THINGS UP

    in the pool pond so to say.

    really tho. you might be transforming the fish guys to poets cuz you’ll be more expanded and won’t see them so judgementally, letting men “flow” a lil more



  339.  #340luzydel on March 20, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    So “D” did not continue the chat. I will leave it at that. Maybe tomorow I will get another txt from him acting like nothing happened.

    I can ignore it, but I hate when people ignore me, so I wont play that game.

    I can act a bit cold and just say Hello back and leave it alone.

    Or I just let it be, keep CDing and let him do what he wants. I can either take it or leave it.



  340.  #341Boomer on March 20, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    I suppose I reserve the right to be “judgmental,” Daria. I have met easily over 150 men in four years of online dating. I am the CD queen. I have dated all types and have been VERY open minded about meeting men from all walks of life. Sweet, accepting, generous with my time and attention.

    At what point am I allowed to decide, after much research and much sincere deliberation about the type of man I want in my life, what I want for myself and not be called “judgmental?”



  341.  #342Daria on March 20, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    bOOOOMER – i am NOT saying “don’t be judgemental”

    i am saying, if YOU do some of those things like LITERALLY What im saying is if you go put a wifebeater on and od some fishing

    the MAGICAL ENERGY is going to shake up and the men will start transforming

    literally. the judgement will naturally drop and whatever it’s positive intent is will remain.

    im NOT implying to force yoruself to do something that feels bad

    ims ayhing, jumping the fence and doing something outrageous like that REALLY shakes up the energy and then stuff starts transforming big time



  342.  #343Daria on March 20, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    like i purposely date preppy men and men who are toally not my type and old men who want to pay me for sex even and crackheads because it “expands” my field and all the positive stuff remains while the negative falls off

    like spaceship launch

    and like regenerating mossy spherical eggwoman



  343.  #344Daria on March 20, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    but you know what, I HAVENT dated lesbians or bisexual men

    tho i’ve been hit on by them

    hmm



  344.  #345Daria on March 20, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    i dont WAAANT TO whine lol

    ok you don’t have to

    but i can watch bisexual women porn lol

    omg i a ma gooftroop



  345.  #346Jennifer on March 20, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    Today would have been my aniversary with B.
    I’ve been feeling out of sorts for three days.
    Maybe cause of hte date, maybe cause the moon is closer to the earth, maybe cause so many planets are in aries.
    Who da fack knows.
    I know I feel miserable.
    I went back and looked at all the emails from B this year.
    Cause I keep em all, it’s the OCD.
    And I noted….that if I say stuff like “how can I communicate better so we dont’ disagree?” as though it’s all me, he’s sweet. But as soon as I say I’m frustrated or angry or dont’ want something, he digs his heels in and acts rudely.
    So, I thought alot about this today.
    I asked my inner me why we are hung up on him.
    We sorta thought he was the one.
    Like in a cosmic way.
    Our anniversary is the first day of spring (usually) and he had cancer as a kid, when he was 14 which was right around the time I started to get sick too.
    I had epstien – barr virus.
    He had cancer till he was 16 and I had EB till then too.
    So it felt kinda connected, like we were SUPPOSED to be together.
    Then I wondered if we WERE, for the lessons to be learned only.
    Maybe he survived to be here for MY process only.
    Maybe that’s arrogant.
    Maybe.
    But it feels better to think that we were supposed to be together, and now we’re supposed to be apart.
    Cause I need to be with a man who can handle if I say Im frustrated or angry.
    I need a man who doesn’t run away or punish me.
    I need a man to be a man.
    Or
    I need no man.



  346.  #347Boomer on March 20, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    OK, Daria. I apologize if I jumped on you. I am sensitive about being perceived as judgmental, possibly because I sometimes am. But I truly have been open to men who approach me. I am just very tired of dating. I am also aware of safety, and generally, I have met normal men, but I have had a couple stalkers and a couple of aggressive men who scared me, so I am perhaps very careful.

    Can I draw the line at crackheads? 🙂



  347.  #348Daria on March 20, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    boomer – deal.

    ill keep the crackhead. he is my og partna who is going to let me live in his back unit for free. and i may even get paid money to be his in-home caretaker.

    he’s a great friend.



  348.  #349Daria on March 20, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    Jennifer – wait! i feel excited… so he says he is open when yous ay you want to communicate better

    so that means…

    you can tell him you feel angry without blaming him and it will work!!!

    like: i feel angry and i don’t want to feel that way with you baby, how can we communicate so that we both feel good?

    and then he’ll be open and provide a suggestion!!!



  349.  #350Daria on March 20, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    you know what else is awesome about GETRIGHT man?

    with him i notice songs so much deeper. like i can hear another layer to the lyrics and stuff

    that i normally don’t

    thanks GETRIGHT!



  350.  #351Jacqueline on March 20, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    Hi Tinque! Thanks on the David’s – I thought Rori was affiliate of DeAngelo or something….but it’s no big – he is very cute, tho, gushing….

    Boomer – oh, yeah, the David DeAngelo “look” works for me, too (sharp, cute – like EvanMarkKatz or the Jerrry guy on that new show Defenders – Jerry OConnell?) – and I’ve dated like every occupation a man can have – lol –

    and absolutely you can have whatever you please, no one would make you pudding if you want ice cream.

    I always got that “you’re too sophisticated,” too – so I guess in a way I might lean forward when I do like someone – I’ve had more than a few guys say, well, I didn’t know if you’d even go out with me.

    However, I too would not wanna date someone in a tshirt with a fish…well, now, that’s not true – I wouldn’t wanna go fishing!!! hahahaaaaa…but depending on the muscled up look in the shirt? hmmm….

    Laughing, but want to say I am sorry you can’t find a good match – it is frustrating as h*ll, and as for me – something was blocking me, and I’m not sure how I cleared it or let it go or something but one day I’m like dating like a job search, once a week no matter what…and one day I’m open to seeing a guy and letting him into my house! which I totally never thought I’d let a guy in here – too small! –

    shift happens – don’t know how but it does and it will for you too –

    maybe the biggest thing is the desire??!!! Law of Attraction would say so – and that, you’ve got going on!!

    Night everyone….

    Hooray!!! Winnie!!! GREAT thinking….that and Kaitlyn’s CD speech are the best ideas evah!!!



  351.  #352Jacqueline on March 20, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    yep, that’s my boy!

    Living, muscular proof that ugly ducklings can indeed turn into swans, Jerry O’Connell first became known to film audiences as “that fat kid from Stand By Me,” when he starred in the 1986 film at the age of eleven. Several years and many lost pounds later, he emerged as a tall, handsome screen lothario, something that provoked substantial commentary from both film critics and any number of film viewers.



  352.  #353Boomer on March 20, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    Jacqeline, so funny that you mention Jerry O’Connel! I was looking at my nine-year-old son tonight, who happens to be a bit chubby, and his daddy got him a buzz haircut this weekend. He looked like Jerry in Stand by Me! We have been focusing on nutrition and health in our home (Mommy is losing weight too), and he is trying very hard to make nutritious choices. As I was looking at my handsome boy, I thought, well, Jerry O’Connel grew up to be a stud and is married to one of the hottest women in the world! Maybe my boy will too!

    The beauty of motherhood though is that I love him desperately whether he becomes Jerry O’Connel or stays more like Jim Belushi!



  353.  #354Alonka on March 20, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    I had no internet connection for a while in my area and then went to a date;)

    SLV, T-Girl, Jilly,

    Thank you for your support with the art history guy.

    Luzydel,

    The email sounds like a copy/paste to me for sure, I get those once in a while too. But you will find out for sure soon – you replied, so he will write you back. Even if it’s a generic email, the guy may seriously look for a relationship.

    I went on my date and I had no idea how it went.. the guy seemed to be sincere.. did I like him – prob not enough.. but he did find a nice restaurant to meet in advance, came to my neighborhood way ahead of time because he was afraid to get into traffic and be late. Not sure if he will contact me again, he did not say anything, except for ‘it was great meeting you’ and compliments for my outfit.



  354.  #355Boomer on March 20, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    OK, so can I share some texts from Alpha/Eeyore. This is what I am working with….please let me know what you all think:

    He asked how my girls’ night out was. I said “Fabulous! Thanks! How was your day?”

    He replied: “It sucked. So, was it just you and Annie Clyde?”

    I explained that her boyfriend David came along but that we make him pay when he decides to horning on our girls’ night out. The I asked him why his day sucked.

    He said, “Forget it. Not important. In a pissy mood right now and should probably just say bye. I’ll call you when I am not an asshole. Might be a few days.”

    I just said, “OK. Feel better.”

    Then he said, “It’s not you. You went out down here (in our city rather than up north which was my original plan) and David tagged a long and I felt left out. I was in bed by 8 anyway. Just in a bad mood and don’t want to take it out on you.”

    How do I respond to this? What do you ladies think about his response in light of the “brooding” comments I’ve made about him?

    I feel uncomfortable and tired when he does this sort of martyr routine. He and I had a lovely night Friday and he spent the night…no sex…and he made me breakfast (in my home–which was really nice). I invited him to go furniture shopping with me (he needs new stuff too) at this cool wholesale place I know, and he declined saying he was busy and had chores. So we went about our days separately.

    And now this???



  355.  #356Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    @344: Jennifer says:
    “…Today would have been my aniversary with B…”

    Congratulations! Today is my wedding anniversary too. The marriage has long since dissolved but… the anniversary remains and it’s mine! So, today I renewed my vows…to myself!

    Do you know the Carole King song “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?” Perhaps you are too young to have heard it. Carole King had her first No. 1 hit as a songwriter in 1961, at age 18, with “Will You Love Me Tomorrow”, which she wrote with Gerry Goffin (her former husband.)

    Well, today I answered that question with a resounding “Yes!”

    “Yes, I will still love *me* tomorrow. I will love me today, tomorrow, the day after that and forever.

    And I will share that love and seek my soul mate life partner. When we find each other we will choose to love, adore and cherish each other, never letting the other forget it, and we will love together for the rest of our lives and beyond. This I promise.”

    Happy Anniversary, Jennifer. Sending love and happiness to you.

    xoxo
    SLV



  356.  #357Jennifer on March 20, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    um…D. It didnt’ work. He shut down. Even if I dont’ blame, I just say I feel angry.
    Boom.
    So ya know what?
    It’s too much work for me.
    I want to be able to say I’m angry when I am without feeling like I am walking on eggshells.
    This whole Rori thing is too hard for me.
    I feel like even if he ‘s a douche, and he can be, I’m not supposed to point out WHAT is making me angry, or he goes away.
    Maybe I just need a man with more balls.
    I feel bored with him….like …whatever dude. Go cry to yer mommy.
    He has no trouble pointing out if he doesnt’ like specific behaviour of mine….but I do the same? Silence.
    Whatever. Bored.
    I just give up for a while, focus on me.
    ME ME ME ME ME ME ME



  357.  #358Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    @352: Alonka says:
    “…Not sure if he will contact me again, he did not say anything, except for ‘it was great meeting you’ and compliments for my outfit….”

    There are plenty of good points here. Good for a first date. He showed up, planned, paid, was polite. That’s a good start!

    xoxo
    SLV



  358.  #359Jennifer on March 20, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    thanks, SLV.



  359.  #360Daria on March 20, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    Boomer – yeah i feel off balance and kinda judgemental when i hear guys share in what i perceive as a feminine way too

    i guess go right for the feelings?

    as in

    wow that feels kinda bad to hear… i feel weird



  360.  #361Brenda on March 20, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    Hi, I have had a lot of my time sucked by a raggedy, dirty, matted little bichon frise dog that wandered into my yard yesterday.

    He looks a lot like my stepmother’s dog, Skippy, the same breed, so I nicknamed him Skippy. I spent about 3 hours posting found ads all over lost and found pet sites on the internet. I made quite a few phone calls and he was broadcasted by email to all the dog rescues in my county.

    I feel disappointed that no one has claimed him yet after all my efforts. I cried when I took him to a no kill small shelter run by a woman in her garage. She has rescued tens of dogs for years. So I find it hard to complain when I see her rescue dogs kept in small dog crates with only food, no water, because they spill it, in the dark.

    They get pottied and watered three times a day, that’s it. And she keeps it dark to keep them quiet, and to save electricity, because this is her home and she and her husband don’t want constant barking.

    I said to her husband on my way out, “I feel sad seeing them left in the dark.”

    He said, “They’d rather be in the dark than dead.”

    I feel like walking on eggshells. I want to say more to the woman who runs it, to at least give them light during daylight hours for their health. Yet she helped me a lot when I was in need of help with my dogs in 2007, and she is helping this little dog that I can’t keep because my landlady would never allow it and because my two dogs are very dog aggressive.

    So what position am I in to complain about the conditions her rescue dogs are kept in? I cried when I drove away from there. Not just for Skippy, but for all the homeless dogs of the world. I just want to wrap my arms around all of them and take them home.



  361.  #362Daria on March 20, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    Jennifer – yeah, then we say HOW we feel again.

    it goes another round

    once we can go like 12 rounds with our feelings, we’re home free

    by the 4th round i notice men usually get masculine

    but i havent’ always made it that far with guys i like and get triggered by



  362.  #363Daria on March 20, 2011 at 7:24 pm

    this feels terribly embarassing to write – im writing it anyways

    ive been practicing self pleasuring and i smell like nani juice lol

    but its a fun sweet smell yay



  363.  #364Jennifer on March 20, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    D, he just stops communicating. Maybe he’s a woman with a penis.



  364.  #365Daria on March 20, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    i feel better equipped to express myself sexually

    i was encouraged by a man to say “i want you to eat my pussy”

    and that would turn him on he said

    so i feel excited to experiment with this

    and i just talked to my 5 year old and she’ll be practicing the magnet tool now

    with guys i really like too

    yay



  365.  #366Daria on March 20, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    Jennifer – “that feels bad…i feel lonely in the silence”

    trust me i know, i have these similar issues with Getright

    but it really does come down to US and our patterns

    we “hook into” their patterns and energy

    ANYWAY sometimes it’s not worth it to continue practice with the same old man. esp cuz new men will bring the same, in a milder, more maangeable way

    but as long as they are around, im gonna practice



  366.  #367Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    @359: Brenda

    I know how you feel about the dog. I’ve had some difficult animal situations too. Could I brainstorm a bit if that’s Ok with you?

    xoxo
    SLV



  367.  #368Daria on March 20, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    who wants to wash the dishes.

    ooh the dishes feel overwhelming

    btw Daria, thanks for putting the chicken pieces back in the freezer

    and thanks for that awesome night last nite 😉

    and thanks for showering me yesterday that really felt good!

    it woudl feel great to have shiny painted toes right now!



  368.  #369Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    @357: Jennifer

    I want you to feel better. I hope I did not sound insensitive posting my vows in post to you. It was coincidental as I had taken break for vows and just come back onto blog.

    I had to work a little hard to make something good of anniversary today. That song I used came out of a not too good situation with someone months ago (I cried buckets then) and I was damn determined to turn that song into something good. It was healing to do it.

    I wish for you something good in the coming year. I read “The Soul Mate Secret” and I’m still working with it. If you are wanting to look for someone else, it’s possible that your life partner is still out there undiscovered.

    xoxo
    SLV



  369.  #370turquoise3 on March 20, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    Daria,

    On the topic of gushing over guys, I’m wondering about a few things…. if you say it all the time, every 5 minutes, if it would lose it’s luster and specialness? It may feel a little overwhelming to a man too… they don’t need any many words as we do, and may feel you are complimenting them so much because you want it in return. I noticed something new with the last guy I dated, I gave him a couple compliments that he said he’d never had before… and I could see that it genuinely pleased him. So, rather than saying something they’ve heard a 100 times, maybe it’s good to try and find something different to compliment on. I met a guy once who had the most amazing green eyes I’d over seen, I asked him if he wore contacts, he said no, I told them how gorgeous they were, and he said, yeah, I hear that all the time…. it didn’t mean much to him anymore.

    Just some thoughts… I like to give compliments too… but I wouldn’t gush, wouldn’t want to scare someone off… so many guys say their ex’s were crazy… I try to contain myself a bit because I love to talk, so trying to focus more on the listening right now, not just blurting out whatever comes to mind.



  370.  #371turquoise3 on March 20, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    Brenda,

    I’m sorry about the dog kennel, I’m wondering though, wouldn’t they have some standards or guidelines they’d have to go by? I would think leaving animals in the dark all day would be animal cruelty. Do people go there looking to adopt pets? Does she try to find them homes? That would have been heartbreaking, and I’m so so sorry you had to endure that this weekend.

    Hope you get a good nights sleep tonight,

    Camile



  371.  #372turquoise3 on March 20, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    Alonka…

    So what did you think of him? Would you like to see him again? Any sparks?

    🙂



  372.  #373kaitlyn on March 20, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    Crying all day for no reason. That’s what my day has entailed.



  373.  #374turquoise3 on March 20, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    Jennifer,

    Some of my anniversaries are hard too… what would have been my 17th anniverary (since we’d started dating) with my ex husband will be this week… makes me feel sad too… I so wish things had turned out differently for us. You said something that made me think…. even if I learn to say and do the right things, to be authentic, use feeling messages… the men in my life aren’t. I get it that it will hopefully inspire change in them, but it’s hard for people to change, and if they aren’t reading and practicing and studying to learn to be better partners, going to be a lot harder. We are supposed to accept them the way there are, not try to or expect them to change… but to grow. Hmmm…. wonder how of then it’s successful?

    I’m crabby, the guy I have been dating hasn’t called/texted me in over a week. Everything was going well, and then, just nothing. I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to do with this. If he comes back, I know I’m supposed to be warm and open, but it was also a crappy thing to do, and if I don’t address it, what does that say about my degree of difficulty??? Sorry, ranting a little here.

    Hope you feel better and that tomorrow is a better day.



  374.  #375turquoise3 on March 20, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    I felt like crying today too today Kaitlyn. I’m sorry you are sad or feeling blue. Maybe it’s the supermoon…



  375.  #376kaitlyn on March 20, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    Pardon me, but what the heck is a supermoon?



  376.  #377turquoise3 on March 20, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    Saturday night the moon was the closest to earth as it’s been in 18 years. I think there was more to it, but that is the part I remember.



  377.  #378kaitlyn on March 20, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    375 And ironically, I saw the most metal-esque of metal shows Saturday night.



  378.  #379kaitlyn on March 20, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    Screw this. I’m getting a salad and going for a night time jog.



  379.  #380Daria on March 20, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    i gave myself 10 orgasms i have never felt this horny – super moon



  380.  #381Senior Lady Vibe on March 20, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    @ Brenda,

    Just brainstorming. You’ve probably done all this but just in case…

    The good thing is the dog is alive and owner could still come forth. If the dog is matted and dirty, the owner could be far away and the dog could have been on its own for a long time.

    Also, it’s possible you might find someone who is willing to adopt the dog.

    Another good thing, if you haven’t started your job yet there is some time freed up for rescue project if you could spare it.

    Does your public pound keep track of lost pet inquiries?

    Are there any main places in your town where people post “lost pet” signs? Vet’s offices?

    Would your stepmother be willing to take in another dog?

    Do your local pet shops facilitate adoptions?

    Does the “rescue lady” know anyone who can foster?

    I used to help with a cat rescue group when they were in my area.

    Sometimes there are separate dog rescue groups and cat rescue groups. Reach out to the cat rescue groups as well because sometimes they know more people who are willing to foster.

    A lot of times people will start with fostering cats/kittens because they are easier but when they become experienced they will sometimes take on dogs too. It doesn’t hurt to ask around, it’s usually word of mouth, one call leads to another call, leads to another call…

    Is there anyone in your church congregation who could foster? Sometimes people are willing to take an animal for a few weeks then…don’t want to give them up. You never know…

    xoxo
    SLV



  381.  #382kaitlyn on March 20, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    It hurts knowing if he really wanted me, he’d contact me.



  382.  #383turquoise3 on March 20, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    Kaitlyn, good for you… a salad and a jog are such healthy ideas… when I’m stressed, upset…. those aren’t my first choices.



  383.  #384kaitlyn on March 20, 2011 at 8:12 pm

    Boomer, I too, am sick of men with sand in their vaginas.



  384.  #385turquoise3 on March 20, 2011 at 8:12 pm

    Daria, I actually read that you can over masterbate… no idea if there is any truth to this, but I know you do a lot of online research. I cannot even imagine having 10 orgasms in one day. Mine are really strong, I need at least an hour to recover. I don’t have that much free time in my day to just orgasm, recover, repeat 🙂



  385.  #386Kristine on March 20, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    Sand in a vagina…lol never heard it put that way.haha, I am always leaning back and trying to be this strong woman but sometimes you just want someone to love you and take care of you because they want to and because they love you , all of you. That song by Beyonce reaches out to me Who’s gonna save the hero after he saves the world 🙂



  386.  #387Emerson on March 20, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    371 kaitlyn – sorry you are feeling sad. Ditto about the crying, for me it’s been off and on this whole weekend. I keep thinking about the moon thing after reading about it here on the blog…strange. I hope you feel better.

    And 372 turquise3 – Sorry to hear about your guy who stopped communicating. Very frustrating. This is something I can relate to. I feel the same way, if he they come back we are supposed to be open and warm…but the degree of difficulty thing…I feel if I don’t address something like that, then did they “get away” with treating us badly? I don’t know what to do about this either. I feel confused and annoyed.
    I know one thing is to keep CDing, but there are times I don’t feel like it because I get weary. Grr..



  387.  #388Emerson on March 20, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    Thank you sirens for inspiring me to remember to lean back. I STILL lean forward sometimes by sending an email or a text just to say hi to one of my CDs, and I get the temporary satisfaction of a response..but I know it’s a mistake.

    Then I get nothing.

    Silence.

    Sigh.

    I and get annoyed with myself about it, but I am catching myself more now and reminding myself to lean back!!!!!!!! I just need to stop it.



  388.  #389Boomer on March 20, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    I am letting Alpha/Eeyore be alone with his sad.

    I did not reply. I took him at his word…he is bummed and he can be, but I am not. I just feel manipulated.

    And I know that’s blame-y, but I may tell him some variation of that when he calls and if he brings it up.

    Sand in his vagina??? Bwahahaha! Kaitlyn, I love that. Where did that come from???



  389.  #390Daria on March 20, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    Turqoise – i am feeling triggered as those are my fears… they are coming up for me to heal them

    i dont want to believe im hurtin gmyself

    i feel better to believe as tinque says that this is healthy and healing for me

    i want to feel free of fears of sexual expression and masturbation

    i feel scared to type this, i feel triggered

    i feel tense

    i love my fear and i stand with my choices to expand



  390.  #391Brenda on March 20, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    SLV,

    RE: #379 – Thank you so much for your brainstorming! You gave some excellent suggestions! I copied and pasted what you said into a separate document to add to my checklist of things to do for the little dog.

    I already have a list of about ten shelters in three states to call, and there are countless more I could call. I mean, he could have come from a long way. My local SPCA doesn’t have a lost report on him. So it looks like it will be more difficult. There is a new pet amber alert system on a website. But it costs, and not everyone is aware of it. It’s sad that there’s not one central place people can go to find pets. I went on craigslist, too, and I checked lost posts in three states.

    I will just keep spreading the word, and I really like your idea of getting him foster care. One good thing about where I left him is she has a scanner and I am hoping and praying he has a microchip. She also has a groomer that will clip and clean him for free, and he really needs that. He’ll feel much better then.

    Do you think I should use any more feeling messages about the conditions of the doggies?

    BTW, my job already started last week. It’s just that at first I am working for an exchange of services, so no cash yet. But that’s all right. It is keeping me very busy, tho. I feel so happy about it, and I love my new job!!



  391.  #392Brenda on March 20, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    Turquoise,

    RE: #369 – Thank you! To be candid, I think she has an underground rescue that isn’t officially licensed. That is something I don’t want to get her in trouble for. I just keep thinking, why bring trouble on someone who is really bending over backward to help helpless animals? I just wish I could provide a comfortable place for homeless animals. The idea I had was a combination shelter for both animals and women and children.

    It would have a motel-like setting, with mothers and children together in one room with perhaps 2 dogs to a room. The people would take care of the dogs, and the dogs would take care of the people. Of course all this would take forethought, money, and commitment.

    Thanks for your kind comments! Brenda



  392.  #393Emerson on March 20, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    Brenda congrats on your new job! And how kind of you to take so much time and concern for the little doggie. It is apparent that you have a good heart 😉



  393.  #394Brenda on March 20, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    Daria,

    One time I watched X rated movies for over 3 hours while I pleasured myself, and I came over 40 times! LOL! I’ve read that it’s healthy, that it keeps the feel-good hormones cuming….enjoy!



  394.  #395Brenda on March 20, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    Emerson,

    Thank you! I feel so excited about my future. I could relate to what Rori wrote on this thread, tho, about having to find acceptance of all the sad and bad things in the world, in order to remain in peace.



  395.  #396Brenda on March 20, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    All my life, I’ve imagined a beautiful romance where my man and I did wonderful things together, helping each other, loving each other, all with harmonious companionship. I want that so much, yet it feels so elusive. It is what I long for, and I still believe I will have it.

    I’m learning to live my purpose on the planet, not just waiting and dreaming my life away.



  396.  #397Emerson on March 20, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    telling myself; LEAN BACK, LEAN BACK, LEAN BACK…..I have one guy that I now call a CD but we were actually in a relationship and now I don’t know what we are…
    but in the meantime I am CDing others…but HE is the one I’m pining for…and don’t want to be!!!

    I feel like if I’m really honest with myself, I’m actually waiting around for him. Part of me wants to cut him off altogether just to get him off my radar. So far haven’t had the courage to do so.

    Focusing on me me me me me….remembering Daria and how you thank yourself for things…and how that builds value to taking care of me…..but I want him to value me too…

    and right now feels like he does not. feels bad and sad.



  397.  #398Emerson on March 20, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    Brenda, meeee toooo….Imagined those same things. Hurts sometimes that it’s not my reality right now…but hope for tomorro a new day….



  398.  #399T-Girl on March 20, 2011 at 9:08 pm

    Ahh..super moon. That must explain some of the negative emotions I have been feeling today. Today I have been wrestling with feeling not good enough. Will I ever be good enough? My CD’s seem to like me, then disappear. Hard to build up self esteem when this happens.



  399.  #400Emerson on March 20, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    Brenda @ 394, I want to offer you encouragement to stay on your horse and remember you are a beutiful woman and amazing siren…I’ve learned so much by what you share and thank you for that. A wonderful man will be soo lucky to have you!!



  400.  #401Jacqueline on March 20, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    Daria – some woman sent me a book to review and I opened it to a graphic girl on girl scene…lol, I was so thinking of you – I don’t know if she was for real but the ending was awful – so I wrote her what I thought. It was odd….but graphic for sure.

    Supermoon – can be really good feelings, too – so bright!! and I took photos last nite at 3 a.m. and tonite it was above the water and making a huge “v” on the water….could really see the craters. And boyfriend and I did a little ritual where we tossed up silver and gold coins to the moonlight – well, it was cloudy at that moment, lol….but they sparkled in the streetlight and it was fun to have someone to do it with….lots of stuff going on in the heavens today, and day/night balanced and harmonic….

    And I hope that moonlight brings some joy to each of us here tonite!!

    xo
    Jolieblon



  401.  #402Brenda on March 20, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    Thank you, Emerson! That’s really encouraging! I really do have so many good things happening in my life. I just need to focus on them.

    About the little dog, I don’t need to stay down about him. I helped him. I did and am doing all I can for him, with my limitations of already having two dogs, who are dog aggressive. If I owned my own home, I’d keep him anyway, until I found his owner or a home. But I am not allowed to keep him here, and I don’t have a safe place. So I need to stay focused on all I can do for him, and that takes the form of getting the word out that he is found. I will feel so happy if I can help unite him with his family.



  402.  #403Daria on March 20, 2011 at 9:50 pm

    omgosh
    just did some major energy processing with my girl

    feeling healingly pooped

    🙂

    rest time



  403.  #404Lercomari on March 20, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    Thanks for all who liked my poem….I’d forgotten how much of a release writing poetry is for me. This is the poem in case anyone missed it..it’s called “Leaning,” and I wrote it after I made the mistake of leaning forward into the banker today:

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/if-youre-not-into-the-good-guys-read-this/#comment-106366

    Rori thank you for this post. The part that stuck out most to me is that we can go through the day, with our fear, blues and other negative feelings without attaching any self-imposed meaning to them. It’s a lesson I learned when attending recovery inc., a program for people who have anxiety problems, depression and other mental health issues. Well one of of the “tools” they use is that feelings only have danger when we attach meaning to them..sometimes we feel panicky just because we’re taught to be panicky in a particular situation. But if you just stop and think about it and work through the emotion, it may turn out that the situation really isn’t worth panicking over at all. It’s “distressing, but not dangerous” (another tool we use).
    I hope you get well soon Rori..good to hear from you again. 🙂



  404.  #405Daria on March 21, 2011 at 12:10 am

    Thank you

    Thank you Daria for preparing me gently for bed

    Thank you for noticing I want rest and choosing it for me

    Thank you for eating fish to nourish my brain

    Thank you for the herb tincture

    Thank you for organizing clothing

    Thank you for organizing kitchen pots

    Thank you for saving weed for me to smoke today

    Thank you for taking me to listen to rori interview and hypnosis

    Thank you for coming up w a fun child date for tomorrow

    Thank you for charging my phone

    Thank you for refilling the water

    Thank you for watering my plant

    Thank you for shutting my blinds

    Thank you for brushing my teeth, abd my hair

    Thank you fir doing breathing exercises for me



  405.  #406Daria on March 21, 2011 at 12:19 am

    My hormones feel calmer

    I feel blessed

    I feel relaxed

    I feel proud, important responsible… And that means I feel worthy

    And powerful

    🙂

    I am pleased at my quick BK tool… Lots of sighs … Easy… Shift happens



  406.  #407Daria on March 21, 2011 at 12:28 am

    What would feel great to eat tomorrow? Steel cut oatmeal.

    And what would feel great to prepare tomorrow?

    The boiled egg, the left over spaghetti with simmered onion and melted goat cheese

    The seaweed with hot sauce and sauerkraut carrot mix.

    Thank you for thinkIng up a meal that Daria might enjoy



  407.  #408Brenda on March 21, 2011 at 1:52 am

    Lercomari,

    RE: #404 – Your poem is lovely and brilliant! I am impressed! I hope you send that poem to a magazine or get it published elsewhere, or maybe on a greeting card! So many people would relate to that!

    I’ll have to use more poetry therapy, instead of cheesecake therapy.



  408.  #409Brenda on March 21, 2011 at 1:53 am

    Goat cheese is delicious!



  409.  #410Lercomari on March 21, 2011 at 4:24 am

    It’s 4.15 a.m and I just woke up from a dream of someone I love very much but I haven’t talked to in awhile. In the dream he was syncing his ipod to my computer…that sounds significant right? 🙂 I’d been suppressing his memory, but ever since I started leaning back with the banker, I’ve been having thoughts (conscious and subconscious) about this other guy, the music man. I wish to heaven I could have been with him years ago, but if wishes were horses….
    Ladies, here is the thing: I am both scared and reluctant to CD. Next year I will go to Ghana, w. Africa to be an English teacher and I plan to be there for up to a year. I don’t want to start any meaningful connections on this side of the ocean because I’m afraid he’ll “tie me down” to America and I’ll end up giving up my dream for his sake.
    The banker is also in Ghana…but I analyzed my feelings and I know i”m not just going because of him. This teaching thing is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.
    So am I right in not wanting to date lots of guys now?



  410.  #411Lisa on March 21, 2011 at 4:26 am

    I feel pissed that my fwb texted to come over Saturday and then when I asked what else he wanted me to wear since I did not have a short skirt. Somehow he ended up changing his mind, saying might not come and he would text later if he could. I felt rejected. I was so ready for sex and feel someone else probably got him instead. I feel pissed at him for texting, feeling excited to get to together and then he doesn’t come. I feel pissed that he asked me to doll up and dress slutty. I feel pissed I would have but I felt put on the spot and had been sleeping because I work at night, as does he. I feel pissed at the woman who probably got him Saturday when he didn’t come see me. I feel pissed that I texted him to tell him I felt horny and wanted to wear my new thong and wanted him to be kinky with me and he did not respond. I texted Sunday and asked when he would come take advantage of me again and no response. I thought younger men liked sex all the time. That is how I know someone else got “my sex” Saturday. I have to freaking lean back again and I feel pissed it is on his terms. I want to call him a prick and tell him to f—off but I have no other fwb going so I am not turning off the sex. He moves at end of this month. I need a new fwb but none are showing up. I am sexually frustrated. I am tired of taking care of my own needs sexually, financially, at home, at work…again still tired. Got some crappy hits from one dating website and told one guy who chatted me his comment was rude and I was ending the conversation. I hate men at times. I hate dating websites. I hate working and being in masculine energy. If fwb was still being regular, I get practice with him being feminine because he texts me for sex and he comes to me. I was getting good practice doing that. Then no contact for 3 weeks then he shows up and then he contacts again a week later only to lead to no sex for me. I am pissed!!! I am tired of having to wait for a man to contact me. I am tired of men not being attracted to ask me out. I do not like the one guy who has the bitter, ugly luggage delivery guy. Yuck. Give me a break God. That is how I feel. Give me a break.



  411.  #412Lisa on March 21, 2011 at 4:49 am

    Boomer – I am turned off by those fish showing guys, too. Lol. I am sure for them it is a proud thing, showing in some earthy, ancient way that he can be a good provider. But then saying Hey sexy, yeah that turns me off, too. I had to tell a guy chatting me on a dating website his comment was rude (asked how big my boobs were) and I was ending the conversation. Creep. I may come off intimidating as I am attractive, but have had so much low self esteem during my life and I feel myself want to steel up when being approached due to the many inappropriate things guys have said and done to me.



  412.  #413Mercedes on March 21, 2011 at 6:00 am

    Hope you feel better soon Rori! I had it recently and J got it too. I was only down for about four days…his experience was closer to 10 days. 🙁

    *This post is a little funny to me because I forced myself to go to work when I needed to rest and J rested. Even though his lasted longer, he was in a much better place than I was because he did take much better care of himself than I did. I think I could have written about the benefits of staying in bed myself.

    In any case, no matter how long you feel sick, I hope you get plently of rest and get better as quickly as possible.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  413.  #414Alonka on March 21, 2011 at 6:01 am

    SLV, Turquoise,

    My date was alright, no sparks really. He kept on saying that he is a night owl and I’m an early riser, sounded like he wasn’t happy about it. Also, he said that most of his relationships last for 3 months, which is a step up for me since the last guy I dated said it was 2 months LOL and lived up to it!

    If he contacts me again, I’ll go out with him, but mostly just to practice and socialize.



  414.  #415Alonka on March 21, 2011 at 6:22 am

    Kaitlyn,

    I know, I hate this thought – ‘if he really wanted me, he’d contact me’. It may still not be true.



  415.  #416Alonka on March 21, 2011 at 6:36 am

    Btw, that guy Craig who stood me up last week and then apologized did not contact me since then;) I’m supposed to go out with him tomorrow, which I think is not happening.

    I knew I shouldn’t have accepted another date so easily 😉



  416.  #417Mel on March 21, 2011 at 7:01 am

    This post of Rori’s is a good reminder to just accept “what is” even if “what is” sucks sometimes.

    I actually had some really good experiences using feeling messages this weekend. On Saturday morning, I was feeling really down and frustrated. Mostly just feeling impatient with myself but also grieving over the loss of intimacy in our relationship. He could tell I was not in a very happy place and asked “what’s up.” I didn’t want to disregard my feelings and say “nothing” as i normally might.

    I just said: “I am feeling really frustrated and impatient.” He said “why?” Me: I feel stuck. I don’t really know how to say this, but I’m really missing the intimacy we had in our relationship. I know I need to be more patient, but I just miss it.” Him: silence. (after about a minute pause) Me: “I don’t want to be in a bad mood all day, so I need to do something to cheer myself up. I’m going to go have a nice long bath now.” Him: “Can I bring you a coffee or something?” Then he gave me a big hug!

    So while he wasn’t open to talking about my feelings in the moment, I think he really heard me this time. We didn’t argue, and I was able to relax a bit and ground myself so that the rest of the day wasn’t miserable.

    …baby steps!



  417.  #418T-Girl on March 21, 2011 at 7:22 am

    Mel, that is so awesome! What a difference feeling messages make in a difficult conversation. I really need to practice.



  418.  #419lele on March 21, 2011 at 7:24 am

    First meeing this weekend with a guy I’ve been talking to for a couple of months. Nice guy overall. and a nice intellectual connection. I could find nothing that I liked to look upon. He had lost a foot, an eye, and a lot of weight. He has a lot of health issues and is bad in debt because of it. He has sacks of skin hanging because of the weight loss. I need something that I see that I like. Be it a line of the jaw, the eyes, the smile, a bicep, something that I like. Not finding it here. (sigh)

    I have learned that the immediate sexual excitement is an indication to RUN AWAY! But I’ve come to learn to look for the relaxation response. When I can just relax with the guy, things are good no matter what happens. I could not relax when in person with this guy.

    He is enthusiastic and saying he wants to get together again.

    Comments please. I feel tired.



  419.  #420Senior Lady Vibe on March 21, 2011 at 7:26 am

    @417: Mel says:
    “… We didn’t argue, and I was able to relax a bit and ground myself so that the rest of the day wasn’t miserable.
    …baby steps!…”

    Good going! I don’t know where you are located but there are fun and interesting things going on everywhere…it takes a bit of exploring to find them sometimes. Little adventures.

    Do you have meet up dot com where you are? There are similar organizations outside the U.S. with lots of opportunities for “Me CDing.” 😀

    Do you have any interest in something like this?

    http://www.sketchcrawl.com/

    xoxo
    SLV



  420.  #421Jilly on March 21, 2011 at 7:28 am

    MEL!!! you did awesome! wow! right then…in the moment communicating so authentically!..it felt so good to read..totally unblaming yet taking care of you!! it was beautiful…yay…i feel so happy for you…



  421.  #422Jilly on March 21, 2011 at 7:31 am

    Alonka…nice job on the CDing…before you know it the guys that will be contacting you will be different..that’s just how it works…already you are more relaxed about things 🙂



  422.  #423Jilly on March 21, 2011 at 7:34 am

    lele…what do you want to do? follow your feelings…this situation does not sound good..i feel bad saying that…



  423.  #424Mel on March 21, 2011 at 7:41 am

    I think the hardest part was to be silent for a while. Normally I would have babbled on and on to fill the silence (often putting my foot in my mouth). When, after what seemed like an eternity, he did not answer, I just decided to go do something that would make me feel good. I think this took the pressure off of him to say or do something to make me feel better. I simply did it myself… I think I just figured out WHY it works! 🙂



  424.  #425Luzydel on March 21, 2011 at 7:42 am

    I feel cranky today.

    I am mad at myself, for not beinmg strong enough. I am hung up on a guy who does not give a crap about me. It seems that this is all I know to get, Guys who don’t care.
    I want to stop, I want to stop getting hung up on men who don’t care.



  425.  #426Mel on March 21, 2011 at 7:43 am

    http://www.sketchcrawl.com/

    Sounds super neat! I wonder if I could organize something like that around my locale? I’ll have to check into it!



  426.  #427lele on March 21, 2011 at 7:45 am

    423: Jilly
    Trying to figure out what I want to do. Feels like too much to take on.



  427.  #428Senior Lady Vibe on March 21, 2011 at 7:48 am

    @419: lele says:
    “…First meeing this weekend with a guy I’ve been talking to for a couple of months. Nice guy overall. and a nice intellectual connection. I could find nothing that I liked to look upon. Comments please. I feel tired…”

    What happens for me, and probably others, is if I talk to someone for months without seeing them I begin to imagine them looking a certain way and if I like the person (well, I would if I were still talking to them after months!) …the picture I create in my head is a picture I like too.

    There is a shock when the real life person doesn’t match the imaginary image. If you were unaware of physical disabilities and other appearance difficulties…then I suspect there was a very big shock. I think this is normal.

    However, finding another human who is a “nice guy overall and an intellectual connection” is a blessing. I would not throw it away quickly. Sorry, there was “no spark” especially if you were expecting one. I would look for other men so as to have three or four CDs in rotation.

    If I’d been communicating with a guy and enjoying his company but was dismayed after meeting face-to-face, I’d go on a few more dates if he asked and give my mind a chance to catch up with reality. I would do this unless we absolutely both hated each other on sight and the date conversation was unpleasant. He might look better after a few more dates.

    My own taste, I’d take a few physical flaws but good conversation, sense of humour, sweetness and affection. I’d prefer that kind of guy over a gorgeous hunk who f*cked me around and who I had to drop because of his bad behaviour.

    xoxo
    SLV



  428.  #429Brenda on March 21, 2011 at 7:51 am

    Yay! I connected the little dog to his owner today! The SPCA called me and gave me his owner’s name and number. It turns out he was just lost Saturday afternoon, when I found him. The owner said he is 16 years old, and he goes out in the woods in their yard every day and gets so dirty. I still feel appalled at his condition – I mean, dingleberries and all. But I’m glad he’s going back home.



  429.  #430Jilly on March 21, 2011 at 7:52 am

    lele…ya i agree..i don’t want to influence you though but i know what i would…it’s about YOUR happiness not doing the “right” thing…because in the end that is the “right” thing

    Luzydel…(((((hugs)))) what if starting right now you start “practicing” ALL men giving to you no matter what..that this guy D is giving to you regardless of where he is right now…not to give you hope necessarily but to take away the bad feeling thoughts that he doesn’t care…what do you think? and within that there will be shift and things will start changing..



  430.  #431Alonka on March 21, 2011 at 7:54 am

    Jilly,

    Thanks;) Unfortunately, my recent theory is that most available guys in their early 40’s are like this! And it’s not really our leaning back and other perfect behavior styles that do ‘the trick’, it’s who they are (or not).

    FM on our side help a lot, but they have to be applied to decent guys with right relationship values to work;)



  431.  #432Jilly on March 21, 2011 at 7:55 am

    Luzydel…”The ALL men giving to you no matter what” is a tool of Rori’s…sorry if that seemed random lol…i think it’s in the Tool Kit or reconnect..i cant remember..but it’s helped me sooooo many times



  432.  #433Femininewoman on March 21, 2011 at 7:55 am

    Congrats Mel. You have to give him time to figure what he wants to say. I understand they don’t move into their emotions as fast as we do.



  433.  #434Senior Lady Vibe on March 21, 2011 at 8:01 am

    @425: Luzydel says:
    “…I want to stop, I want to stop getting hung up on men who don’t care…”

    If I were as pretty as you, I’d do the alternative online dating method that EMK mentioned: I’d make sure I had a powerhouse profile and then do one time initiation contacts with a couple guys who had profiles that *I* liked or I’d at least visit their profiles a few times.

    I know this is leaning forward but I don’t think it hurts too much to experiment a little as long as we don’t start chasing. IMHO of course… 😀

    xoxo
    SLV



  434.  #435Jilly on March 21, 2011 at 8:03 am

    Alonka…i know…but please don’t take this the wrong way…these are the guys you are attracting…when you change..the men you attract will be different…

    not that the men will change from who they are but the men will be of a different caliber…i’ve seen it happen with myself and other friends..

    for ex (Rori talk about this too)
    maybe the first batch will be frogs
    then the second will be nice frogs
    the the third will be nice guys but you don’t feel a spark
    then there you will start meeting men who actually interest you…

    do you see…it might seem silly right now…but just you wait… 😉



  435.  #436Senior Lady Vibe on March 21, 2011 at 8:06 am

    @429: Brenda says:
    “…Yay! I connected the little dog to his owner today! The SPCA called me and gave me his owner’s name and number…”

    Yay!! 😀

    Singing for joy… 16 years old. Oh, my!!!! I’m glad you found the dog’s owner; he/she was surely very happy.

    xoxo
    SLV



  436.  #437kaitlyn on March 21, 2011 at 8:06 am

    Jilly,

    That feels reassurring to read. It’s 8am, I’m 39, and freaking out that I’ll never have a real boyfriend or get married.



  437.  #438Jilly on March 21, 2011 at 8:12 am

    Kaitlyn…yay…i’m glad i could say something that feels good to you 🙂 and it’s true…i promise…in june and july i was dating players and selfish men (mirror?) i don’t know…but the men i attracted started changing the more intune i got with myself and my feelings and taking care of me and not caring about the outcome with them…the better the men of gotten….and now..i feel so lucky!! You are on the right track!! 🙂



  438.  #439LD on March 21, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Same no sex speech, 2 different responses from CDs. This is why it’s so important to stick to our own boundaries and see who steps up and who doesn’t. Both of these were delivered during some heavy kissing that was getting a little heated. One about a month ago and one this weekend. BOTH of these men told me upfront they were looking for a relationship and not something casual, but notice the differences in their responses.

    Me: “I feel really turned on by you. Physically, my body wants to go further. But I feel for me emotionally and mentally, I want to be in a relationship with a firm commitment of a future on the table before I have sex. What do you think?”

    TallMidwestGuy (last month): “I respect your boundaries, but I just got out of a marriage with little sex and affection and I’m really missing it. It’s really frustrating for me to kiss you like that knowing I can’t go further. I don’t think I can continue kissing you if I have to put the brakes on. It’s not fair for me to put myself through that kind of frustration, especially since that’s what I went through in my marriage.”

    He disappeared a few weeks later and is now sleeping with a girl I know.

    Me: (same speech given during makeout session with MinisterCD this weekend)

    MinisterCD: “I’m in total agreement with your views on this and completely respect whatever you feel comfortable with. Sex should be the reward of a healthy, established relationship that has the intention of making a commitment. I want you to feel safe and secure with me. I know it will be difficult at times, but I’m perfectly happy with just making out like teenagers until we’ve agreed that this is headed somewhere serious and permanent.”

    I realize that this guy is a minister and is SUPPOSED to have these values, but the point is, although TMG wasn’t a minister, he claimed to have similar values and beliefs UNTIL the making out got heated. THEN, he suddenly changed his tune and it became about HIS frustration and not MY comfort…

    I’ve been discovering that if I stick to my boundaries and stay consistent with all of the CDs and really try to treat them all the same, they always end up showing me what they’re made of and where they’re at and telling me what their issues are at some point…



  439.  #440Jilly on March 21, 2011 at 8:14 am

    i meant “the better then men HAVE gotten” lol…oh typos..gotta lov’em



  440.  #441Darling Ella on March 21, 2011 at 8:14 am

    Rori, hope you are feeling better and surely energized by the resting period…

    “And for us – in what we’re doing here – that simply means being aware of what’s really going on inside you and outside you without judging it or placing any “meaning” at all on it…and keeping moving forward along with time.

    It means not focusing on feeling “good” as much as accepting how you DO feel and setting your compass for the best feeling choices you can make.”

    These two paragraphs spoke to me tremendously. This is a concept I learned to embrace thanks to you.

    Big warm hugs,



  441.  #442LD on March 21, 2011 at 8:17 am

    Jilly,

    RE#435

    That’s exactly the way I’ve experienced CDing in the past 2 years. As I grow and heal, the “batch” of men that shows up keeps getting better and better. I’m now attracting alot more nice guys that I also feel attracted to. Some frogs still manage to slip in every once in awhile, but as a general rule, the quality of the CDs gets better with time.



  442.  #443Jilly on March 21, 2011 at 8:18 am

    LD…i love that!!! you are a rockstar! treating them all the same is difficult for me…but i’m working on it 🙂 glad to see you can do it..



  443.  #444Darling Ella on March 21, 2011 at 8:20 am

    LD #439:

    “I’ve been discovering that if I stick to my boundaries and stay consistent with all of the CDs and really try to treat them all the same, they always end up showing me what they’re made of and where they’re at and telling me what their issues are at some point…”

    Wow…so true indeed…I feel inspired by this post…cause I am about two give a few speeches as well…Yet, gosh, i feel confused about what I want…:(

    I feel glad to hear a bit about what has happened with u minister CD…I feel excited for you. 🙂

    Warm hugs,



  444.  #445Jilly on March 21, 2011 at 8:20 am

    YES LD…good i’m glad you have had this experience too!!! yes some frogs still seem to show up but they don’t stick around…

    i have 3 friends who have gotten married and this is their experience also…and they are very “happily” married 🙂



  445.  #446Jilly on March 21, 2011 at 8:21 am

    k off to my workout 🙂



  446.  #447Alonka on March 21, 2011 at 8:29 am

    I don’t know Jilly why I would be ‘attracting’ frogs. My profile photos are pretty, but the wording itself says that I’m def looking for something serious. It really shows who I am.

    I still think that this process of meeting someone decent is kinda random and your experience maybe diff because of where you live, your target age group, etc.



  447.  #448Alonka on March 21, 2011 at 8:34 am

    Kaitlyn,

    Did you try to go online? If not, def worth trying it. You meet a lot more people all of the sudden.



  448.  #449LD on March 21, 2011 at 8:36 am

    Jilly,

    It’s hard for me to treat them all the same too, but I make the effort. I’ve got one CD, S, who is successful, very nice looking and very nice, but he’s just not that interesting to talk to, so I don’t really feel attracted to him. I’ve tried to imagine letting him kiss me like some of the others but I just can’t.

    I’ve discovered something about myself. Attraction for me is not looks based so much as it is the men I feel attracted to tend to make me feel one of 4 certain ways:

    1) they make me laugh
    2) they make me feel safe and protected
    3) They seem to have alot of things in common with me or
    4) they are either super intelligent or have had exciting lives and make me feel interested in what they have to say.

    S doesn’t trigger any of those feelings in me, so I don’t feel attracted to him. I’m trying to work through this and see if I can’t figure out a way to feel attracted to the “boring” ones…



  449.  #450LD on March 21, 2011 at 8:39 am

    Jilly,

    AND, when the frogs do show up, have you noticed they aren’t able to fool you as much or get you in as deep, they show their true colors faster, disappear faster and the “bounce back” time is alot faster too?



  450.  #451kaitlyn on March 21, 2011 at 8:42 am

    Alonka,

    I’m very well-versed in online dating, but I don’t want to do it anymore. I prefer the feeling of meeting men ‘in real life.’



  451.  #452lele on March 21, 2011 at 8:43 am

    SLV #428

    I’m not looking for a hunk, just one thing that I like. As I said in original post – it could be a great smile that I could connect to.

    As far as “spark”, that thrill of attraction is a warning sign to RUN. I was looking for a feeling of relaxing/smiling – that it’s OK. Did not get that feeling – I remained tight/closed off.



  452.  #453Darling Ella on March 21, 2011 at 8:43 am

    FW #82:

    Wow…all these are my fears as well…am i sooo independent??? masculine??? I feel sad…:(

    1. MY FEAR: I’ll have to give up my independence and spend every free moment with him.

    2. MY FEAR: He’ll try to change ME. BIG TRIGGER TO ME.
    3. MY FEAR: I’ll go from being the fun, cool woman he’s dating to a clingy, needy girlfriend. BIG TRIGGER TO ME

    4. MY FEAR: I’ll have to be accountable to HIM for everything (my whereabouts, how I spend my time & money, my decisions).

    5. My FEAR: I’ll lose MY identity… that “I” will
    automatically become “We.”THIS IS A BIG TRIGGER TO ME…

    6. MY FEAR: the exciting relationship i has with him now will grow stale, become routine, or won’t last. BIG TRIGGER

    Thank you for sharing FW…Pretty cool stuff!

    Warm hugs,



  453.  #454Femininewoman on March 21, 2011 at 8:44 am

    Love this Article from Tinque
    So – let’s get started feeling GOOD!
    TODAY’S TIPS – LITTLE THINGS ARE EASY & POWERFUL FOR YOU
    A good place to start is with little things.
    1. Make a list of anything you like about yourself even if only a tiny bit, your physical attributes, your talents, your qualities as a human, anything at all that you can think of.
    2. Look at this list EVERY day, more than once if necessary. Tape it to your bathroom mirror or any other place where you will see it often, your diary maybe or your computer screen. KEEP telling yourself that EVERYTHING you wrote is TRUE no matter how much that other lying part of you protests. The more you say it, the more you will believe it.
    Feeling really, really good about yourself is something you have an absolute, total RIGHT to
    feel! And our whole lives, we women have been taught just the opposite. We’re taught to only respect what we can “accomplish,” instead of knowing the truth – that we are incredible and fabulous exactly as we are – even with everything WE think are flaws and faults, and that what men love most in us ARE those things we consider flaws and faults!
    Next I want you to try this:
    3. Every time you pass a mirror, stop and give yourself a big smile. Blow yourself a kiss, and mean it. Focus only on the parts you do like if only a little. Ignore the rest, for truthfully others do not
    see you in bits and pieces. Let me repeat this, for it’s crucial.
    MEN DO NOT SEE YOU IN BITS AND PIECES.
    What people see is you as a whole package, mind, body, and spirit included. Tell yourself that you are beautiful, that you love yourself. Admire the gorgeous image which is you. You will come to believe yourself about this too.
    4. Make a list of things that you want from your life, for right now, for the future, anything that comes to mind. Write them as choices as if they already are a reality and in feeling terms.
    For example – I choose to be well informed, and I love to talk about what I’ve learned. I choose to feel sexy and I love feeling sexy. I choose to feel unruffled within myself when my lover or whomever ignores me, and I love feeling like this. I choose to keep my heart open even when she wants to close up, and I love feeling open and vulnerable, and so on. If you can imagine it, you can create it.
    5. DO NOT STUFF your feelings. This is crucial. Feel whatever is it you feel, even if you perceive
    it as a bad feeling feeling. If you feel icky, sad, anxious, distressed, allow these feelings. Sink as deeply into them as you can. Really,really feel them, all the angles, all the curves.
    Repressing or suppressing any feeling, bad feeling feelings and good feeling feelings alike, will only add to your feelings of not being enough and thus perpetuate your pain. The only way to transform bad feeling feelings is to feel them. Then and only then can they become something else. Observe them; feel them completely, and let them go. Another feeling will arise, and eventually better feeling feelings will become prevalent. So allow ALL feelings to flow through you.
    6. Push any accompanying lying thoughts away as much as you can. Every time those negative thoughts pop up, gently push them aside, over and over again, every five minutes if necessary.
    7. Now go forth and do whatever feels good to you. Do not worry about “your responsibility” to others or if “they” would disapprove. As long as you’re not physically harming anyone else, if it feels good then it’s good for you. Allow yourself to have fun; immerse yourself in it; revel in feeling really, really good.
    If you ruffle a few feathers, so be it. It will feel so good being true to yourself rather than trying to please others all the time, and happily you will find that they will respect you more, and they may very well feel more comfortable with you, safer, and thus enjoy you even more for being you, authentic.
    8. Whenever the lying voices invade your mind again, do whatever it takes to make them stop. Ignore them, turn your back on them, yell at them, shush them, put your hand over their mouths, or put them in a corner by themselves. In time they will give up or at least fade to an almost indistinguishable whisper.
    I healed from all of this, so I know if could do it you certainly can. You can come to know as I did that I am more than plenty, and I feel really,really good, loving, lovely, sensuous, sexual, and goddess-like most of the time. Sure I waiver here and there, and so may you, but know it will lessen to a feeling like a ripple, not the tsunami it once was. In time, little by little, you can and will feel better, about yourself and about life. Sure it will feel scary, especially at first, but the fear does fade. It really, really does. You too can heal. You really, really can.



  454.  #455kaitlyn on March 21, 2011 at 8:48 am

    Alonka,

    I’m very well-versed in online dating, but these days I want to meet men ‘in real life.’



  455.  #456Femininewoman on March 21, 2011 at 8:50 am

    From Ginger Gardener

    But your speaking voice can make such a
    difference – he may not even be listening to your
    words – but just getting a FEELING from you that
    he either likes or doesn’t.

    Demi Moore, Cher, Kate Beckinsale, Ashley Judd,
    and Julia Ormond have voices that match their
    beauty. Each one of these voices is warm and,
    given the right tone, can be very, very sexy.

    Try this:

    1. Prop your head back a bit and release your
    jaw so that it gapes open.

    2. There should be no tension at all in your
    neck, chest, shoulders or jaw.

    3. Take in a deep breath, and as you breathe
    out, vocalize.

    It will sound like an open-mouthed moan.

    4. As you vocalize, pay close attention to your
    jaw, neck, shoulders, back and chest.

    Most likely, they will tense up when you
    vocalize.

    5. Keep practicing until you can vocalize
    without tensing your muscles.

    These very specific relaxation tools are just
    the first step in the process of loosening up your
    voice and making it your hugest asset for
    attracting a man – and getting him to WANT to
    listen to you!



  456.  #457Femininewoman on March 21, 2011 at 8:51 am

    RRE 452 DE my biggest trigger is number 6 that the relationship will grow stale.



  457.  #458Alonka on March 21, 2011 at 8:56 am

    Oh wow I just read a fun story! here it is:

    once there was a very dry summer and people in a village were worried about their crops. They went to their priest to ask for an advice. And the priest said to pray for rain 3 times a day, but to do it with the real belief and hope in their hearts.

    So a week passes, they pray every day, but there’s no rain. They go back to the priest and say: we’ve been praying non-stop, but it doesn’t work. And the priest looks at them and says: did you really believe in what you were praying.. I see that none of you brought an umbrella.



  458.  #459Senior Lady Vibe on March 21, 2011 at 8:58 am

    @449: LD says:
    “…the men I feel attracted to tend to make me feel one of 4 certain ways:
    1) they make me laugh
    2) they make me feel safe and protected
    3) They seem to have alot of things in common with me or
    4) they are either super intelligent or have had exciting lives and make me feel interested in what they have to say…”

    Those things are attractors for me too! 😀

    xoxo
    SLV



  459.  #460Alonka on March 21, 2011 at 9:08 am

    SLV,

    Here is my list in priority order:

    1)they are either super intelligent or have had exciting lives and make me feel interested in what they have to say…”
    2) They seem to have a lot of things in common with me
    3)they make me laugh
    4) they make me feel safe and protected

    I know that Rori says that it should be #4 for all 1) to 4). Recently I grew to agree that it shouldn’t be #4. But I can’t make it the only one priority though, it feels beyond boring.

    Actually, I’m wrong, I felt this way with my ex-husband ages ago. I know that it doesn’t work for me.



  460.  #461Darling Ella on March 21, 2011 at 9:11 am

    Some of my fears of course steam from my marriage and two longer term relationships since…

    I now understand why in the past…and even now at times, I am vocal early on about my beliefs when I speak to men…

    It’s a way for me to speak up my truth …before I am emotionally involved with a man…all three men I was involved with turned into frogs…:(

    But, speaking my truth in the past was not coming from an open heart…but rather from fear and yes, judgment(s)…

    I intend to speak my truth while practicing an open heart…Lately, I feel so surprised by the results…

    I intend to figure out what I want…what is important to me…

    I sure know I desire affection…companionship…beautiful enlightening discussions…teasing…making love…

    I so wished I wasn’t so cramped up about sex though…:( I fear judgment and early attachment…

    I enjoy sexual intimacy more with one man…yet, I want to stretch that boundary…

    Wassup Daria??? I was horny as heck this weekend as well…:( Holding on feels bad :(…I want to have full expression…Why can’t I be a Rockstar spirit? Who says I can’t??? If sex is so important to me…why can’t I express it freely???

    Yep, judgments…self-judgments…fear of Oxytocin…etc…How can I heal this?

    Warm hugs to me …