For You On Valentine’s Day

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Here’s my favorite Valentine’s Day post, and let’s do it together – I’ll love me and you love you, and we’ll not have expectations or ideas about the MEANING of this “occasion.” No man enters into this. It’s just between me and me and you and you, and let’s see how that works!

Okay – Valentine’s Day can thrill us or torture us. We can pretend we don’t care, or we can go into a funk, or we can enjoy what we have if we’re in a relationship or have a good date, or we can make Valentine’s Day a day of love for US.

We can make it a spa day or a manicure day, or a lunch with ourselves day, or a lunch or movie with our girlfriend’s day, or a sit home with a book, or a sit in a park day…and the amazing thing is — it’s really not all that big a deal anymore.

The Symbolism Of The Whole Thing Is About Expectations

What do you expect, that Valentine’s Day can make you feel fulfilled or make you feel like you’ve lost something?

If this is about “forever after” for you and you’re not there – well, the expectations put you in a state of “lack.”

If this is about “right now” – the expectations put you in a state of “action” – “let’s get this thing happening!” comes into your vibe, along with anxiety for having to make it happen.

If this is about “someday” – the expectations put you in a state of “wish” or “dream” – and that can feel good or plain neutral, unless you start comparing the dream to “reality” and fall back to “lack.”

So – what would I like to suggest?

How About We Go Smack For “What Is”?

That means – whatever you’ve got going today – don’t make a decision about if it’s good or bad, and don’t judge it in advance.

If you’re feeling wistful or dreadful, or anxious, or upset, or lonely, or angry about such a stupid holiday, or anything that doesn’t feel good to you, send a Valentine to it.

If you’re feeling upbeat and hopeful, and beautiful (you are beautiful, yes you are…), and happy with the day outside your window, and good with what you want and can do for yourself to have good feelings today – that’s your Valentine, and send it to ALL of you – head to toe – sort of as beauty oil to all parts of you for the next moment and the next.

Let’s make Valentine’s Day about loving how you feel – no matter WHAT that is.

You can actually GIVE YOURSELF a Valentine – buy it, or make it out of paper and markers and whatever you’ve got if arts-and-crafts please you. And when you do it…make sure you love what IS about where you’re at..and just ladle that love on.

I’m going to give a bunch of Valentine’s to me today…here’s one to my Nasty Voice: “I know that even though the sun is shining so beautifully and I feel so lucky with everything in my life, there are little rough patches inside me now that feel scratchy and I can feel you, Nasty Voice, jumping on those and trying to worry me and speed me up…and…well…that’s okay. Happy Valentines, Love, Rori.”

Or…”I see me in the mirror, and, yeah, we look a bit tired, yeah…I can feel how disappointing that is inside, it’s kind of sitting on you, chest…oh…I’m going off now into ignoring this wrinkle…well…I’ll just slather on some love, here, and let’s go put some oil on you…and…Happy Valentine’s…we’re all still here…I love you, as ever…Rori.”

So – I’m sort of writing Valentines from Rori to Rori…

If you like this…go ahead and write some Valentines from you to you, and put them out here for us all to revel in and copy…

And Here’s My Valentine For You…

No matter where you are, no matter what you’re doing, no matter what’s happening, or who out there looks like he loves you and who looks like he doesn’t – it’s all a matter of opinion.

My opinion is that you’re gorgeous, lovely, sexy, universally-accepted-beyond-words lovable and desirable, and my opinion is that wherever you love you, so does everyone and everything else, and even where you do not love you, and hold the opinion that no one else could possibly love this piece in you if you don’t, well, actually…everyone and everything else does love you.

All you have to do to make it real for you is to see it and receive it.

We pitch love, you catch it.

It might not look like the expectations you’ve been advertised, but it’s love all the same. It’s a message of love.

Don’t try to decode it.

If you don’t like what it looks like, just slather on the love all over yourself, and catch the next thought, feeling, insight, bit of fluff that’s full of love and just might look and feel better.

Inside YOU – it’s always moving around, always surprising.

The way we get stuck in a gear of “lack” or “anxious” is to lean on the same messages over and over and over that give us the same feelings over and over and over.

Strike out new today. Send a Valentine to what isn’t perfect. To what doesn’t even feel good inside you.

Send a message to yourself that you’re up for an upgrade, one word of love from you to you at a time.

The important thing is to take in love – wherever you catch it – from words, from the air, from your own heart, from objects and animals, from trees, from the spa technician, from the water at the pool and water in your drinking glass.

Love, Rori

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114 Comments

  1.  #1Starla on February 14, 2016 at 9:22 am

    You don’t have to acknowledge it’s valentine’s day and give it meaning or power any more than a Jew would for Christmas. I personally chose not to worry about today even though I’m in a relationship. It was a huge load off for both of us and enabled us to have a fantastic day off together yesterday without expectations that we should be having a magical time together because it was valentine’s weekend. We made no formal plans but somehow ended the night looking at Orion’s Nebula through the oldest telescope in our city. Very pleased with all of it.

    The holidays were hard on us this last season. There was a lot of expectation and pressure to get along perfectly and for things to be magical and memorable. I just didn’t want to deal with it again when we are honestly still recovering from the holidays. if there were never any holidays or birthdays, we would still give each other gifts and plan awesome dates. I could do without the obligation of these specific days for the rest of my life.



  2.  #2Starla on February 14, 2016 at 9:23 am

    I’m also sure now that I’m releasing the obligation, the obligation itself won’t feel so daunting next year. It tends to work out like that.



  3.  #3Mandy on February 14, 2016 at 11:40 am

    My Valentine to all the Sirens…(very important to me <3 )

    Starla, Tereana, Azure, Indigo, Dominique, Sami, Rori….and all of you….

    This Valentine’s Day I feel love for you.

    I feel grateful you’ve all been here for me.

    I feel Siren Island is so beautiful.

    So full of life and love and light and growth and learning and positive energy constantly flowing.

    Thank you, Sirens, for helping me heal, and accepting me in your realm as one of your own, and taking care of me. 🙂

    This particular blog makes so much sense, I NEEDED this blog today Rori. THANK YOU….and I have and feel and receive love from the Sirens in Siren Island.

    SO…this is my My Valentine, to all the Sirens:

    (Pretty lavender-colored card opens, and glitter and little confetti hearts fall out:)

    "Today I envision there's a beautiful golden sun shining down on it, we're all playing in the meadow, and butterflies and flowers are everywhere, perfuming the air, the air is misty and cool, dew covers the moss and it is just lovely to lie back and gaze at the clouds….while listening to the waves crash with our fellow Goddesses. We need no men to make us feel wonderful today, in this beautiful place, even if we have them…we only need to relax, and to receive that love, in that golden white light, from that beautiful, giving sun.
    Today, Sirens, I hope that golden white light fills you, feeds you and nurtures you, and bathes your heart and soul in love and well being.

    Happy Valentine's Day!
    Love,
    Mandy"

    Happy Valentine's Day from me to you, Sirens. <3



  4.  #4Indigo on February 14, 2016 at 11:45 am

    Starla, so interesting.

    I personally said to M this year that he didn’t have to give me anything for Valentine’s day, and that he didn’t have to come and see me, but that I only wanted him to do these things if and only if he wanted to. I’ve never said this to a guy before, it just came out. But I think it’s because I sensed deep down that whether or not he did or gave me something for Valentine’s Day said nothing about how much he cared about me.

    Of course he did come down and gave me a beautiful gift and we had a very romantic night together, but something in me sensed that releasing this person I cared about so much from expectations was a lovely thing to do. I felt like it would mean so much more if he didn’t feel obligated to do something for me.

    I still believe in Valentine’s Day… I think it’s lovely to have a day for lovers to honour each other. But the real substance in a relationship is in how someone treats you every day.



  5.  #5Mandy on February 14, 2016 at 11:47 am

    Expanding more on Rori’s blog:

    Funny because I felt dark gloomy and hard when I woke up. Pissed. Bitter. About wishing this and that about past Valentine’s days, etc.

    BUT THEN I read Rori’s V-day to us. I knew I’d devote most of my day Sirening (lol), being on the blog, listening to my Rori CDs and visiting Sen and Heart and Wunder Divas, feeling, riffing and learning and hopefully getting some good inner work done having to do with V-day.

    When Rori spoke of looking out the window and the trees…I thought about the trees outside, the sun, my cat, my delicious coffee…I started crocheting a top and it started coming out absolutely perfect in my loosening fingers.

    Well now I feel so soft, so much like wax that’s been warmed and is now malleable and yielding.

    Isn’t yielding ultimately feminine?

    Today…I want…to be unstuck…to stop leaning on the messages that give me fear. Those “messages” could even just be in my head.

    I’d love to let go of any negative, anxious, needy, wishing, what-if paradigm and feel floaty, soft, connected, and just drifting along and one with everything today. I feel it leaving me.

    I don’t want to say hi to Valentine to try to get a Happy V-day out of him. Or even a conversation. Nothing personal. I just know it will suck the energy out of me and then I’ll be leaning on that anxiety and wishing. I feel the need leaving my body.

    I’m giving myself the allowance to stop pursuing Valentine when I see him online so much. Sami says I am in the part of the timeline where I can if I need something etc, but right now I’d love to give myself permission to just quit all chasing cold-turkey or anything that feels liek chasing. If I feel like I can’t get ahold of him, I will say nothing. If I feel he is there and ready and responding, I may, but for now I just….I need to not stress myself out over wondering if he will message me back over Facebook. Not how I want to spend my V-day. I feel the anxiety and the do -something feeling leave me.

    It feels delicious to be able to just be….so sensual and so juicy and lovely and beautiful. So womanly.



  6.  #6Azure Blu on February 14, 2016 at 11:50 am

    Thank you Feminine Woman
    and a Happy Valentines day to all of the Sirens here on Siren Island!!!

    I was wrangling with all my thoughts on the V day
    not having celebrated it with Spirit yet (we must have been broken up at that time last year)
    I wasn’t sure what he would or wouldn’t do…
    I didn’t want to make a big deal about it BUT i do like to have something special on THIS ROMANTIC DAY>…
    I knew I wanted to get him a romantic, loving card
    I found a PERFECT ONE and I bought him a delicious small homemade apple pie from our word famous local bakery – Spirit LOVES pie more than any dessert…
    I didn’t want to go too crazy and outshine anything that he may do,,,

    My son’s birthday is the day before V day
    and I took him to his favorite – Ichiban restaurant
    we had a WONDERFUL time!

    Sooooo i was getting myself ready for Spirit to NOT do anything as he has NOT mentioned a date for V day…
    We didn’t spend the night last night cause he was tired … I too was Exhausted…

    But I made sure I did NOT mention anything about V day… to give him a chance to surprise me (which he LOVES to do)
    at around 11:00 am this morning he text me “Will you be my Valentine?” with a teddy bear holding a heart. and then asks if I will have dinner with him tonight
    YAY!!! I LOVE surprises!!! and I gave him that chance by NOT pushing for something…
    I text him a few hours later “You are so romantic!”
    Mmmm… Sirens… I feel soooo happy!
    He keeps stepping up and acting like my boyfriend!!
    I’m still a little skeptical given our past…
    BUT he is sooo sweet and attentive and adoring!
    I am the luckiest woman!!
    I havn’t celebrated a V day, with someone I really love in 11 years…!!!

    Thank you again for all your love, support and listening ears!!
    it has changed my life!



  7.  #7Azure Blu on February 14, 2016 at 12:01 pm

    Mandy,
    Ohhhh… I have this beautiful picture in my mind
    of Siren Island
    Thank you for that beautiful picture…
    all of us on the Island full of life, love and warm, golden sunshine!!!
    thank you for singing your beautiful melody here for us!
    oxoxo



  8.  #8Sami Wunder on February 14, 2016 at 12:53 pm

    Mandy, thank you my diva and wish you the same!! ❤️ Go take care of you and go love you – the men will come around !! Love, Sami



  9.  #9Emerson on February 14, 2016 at 9:41 pm

    Really a wonderful post Rori!
    Thank you



  10.  #10Emerson on February 14, 2016 at 9:59 pm

    I don’t expect to draw any insightful phenomenal conclusions anymore…..
    I feel so tired and numb. And that’s about it.



  11.  #11Emerson on February 14, 2016 at 10:01 pm

    I tend to attract men who make inappropriate sexual comments too early…it’s disappointing. Happens a lot.



  12.  #12Emerson on February 14, 2016 at 10:03 pm

    Meaning if we were in a relationship and having sex, the comments might be cute. But not when we just met. Then it’s just creepy.



  13.  #13IamHis on February 15, 2016 at 8:22 am

    Emerson, I am learning that this is just the way a lot of men are. They really don’t mean anything by it. That is the way they connect to women they are attracted to. For them, there is no higher compliment than being found sexually desirable. They just don’t get the timing of women, how we function sexually. We are more like ovens, though of course we can be aroused quickly.

    Try to use the opportunities to open up, explore, & communicate. That’s what I’ve been doing. Men whow love their moms or have sisters or daughters almost always understand better…



  14.  #14IamHis on February 15, 2016 at 8:26 am

    You can use it as an opportunity to be playful, but also to use feeling messages and help all the clueless men out there understand our sexually sensitive.

    Sex is much less risky for them in every way. Physically, emotionally. On a life-changing level. Babies. Kids. Reputation wise. Men just don’t get it, but as women, we have the power to educate and maybe even inspire them!



  15.  #15IamHis on February 15, 2016 at 8:28 am

    It can be incredibly difficult, though, considering our incredibly painful and terrifying past experiences. 🙁

    But we can be brave!!!



  16.  #16Tere on February 15, 2016 at 10:30 am

    Hi ladies! Happy belated V-day!!! <3 <3 <3

    I know it's a silly holiday. I'm not supposed to "like" it because I'm "single." But in all honesty, I don't care that much. I usually have a good time on Valentine's Day, no matter what. The only time I haven't had a great time was when I was actually in a serious relationship. Then it felt like the pressure was on for it to be amazing, and really it was just a normal date. But anyway…

    Responding from a few Rori posts back:

    Mandy: So glad that I "got through" to you. That feels nice and sweet. And I really hope it made you feel happy and comfortable and "seen." I do see you. And I see you as being lovely, just as you are.

    56: Millie:

    " What if I’m just incapable of attracting men into my life?
    I just don’t know what I’m doing right now."

    Millie, you are totally capable of attracting men! It's more than a "capability." If there is one thing (there are many things) I've learned from Rori, it's that attracting men is more of a Property that we have as women. It is not something that we have to know how to "do." It is inherent in who and how we are, and the way that men relate to us and want to relate to us, that they are constantly attracted to – often whether they want to be or not. So we don't have to "learn" how to attract. What we may need to learn is how to attract WELL; how to attract good guys and not the kind who want to "play around"; how to observe our own attractiveness – noticing the men all around us that are looking at us, furtively, maybe wondering, "Can I talk to her?" And then we LEARN how to give the signal to them that, yes, they can. Those signals include eye contact (the 5-second gaze), leaning and grounding on a solid object, "stepping back" (aka the "dance position"), and – oh Lordy – a smile!

    If we are thinking of "attracting" a man as a thing that we "do," then we are immediately in masculine mode, where what we think is "attracting" is really us going toward him – the opposite of attracting. What we want to be doing is ALLOWING him to come toward us. And understanding that that is basically what he wants to do anyway.

    Does that make sense, Millie?

    It's ok to feel like you don't know what you are doing. That means you are doing fine. You are learning, along with all of us! We can always learn and learn again.



  17.  #17Tereana on February 15, 2016 at 10:31 am

    Ummmm…..That post was me ^^^

    It cut my name off. Lol



  18.  #18Tereana on February 15, 2016 at 10:34 am

    (((Mandy!)))

    Thank you for the recognition in your post. Feels so nice! 🙂



  19.  #19Tereana on February 15, 2016 at 10:47 am

    This whole weekend, for me, has been a whirlwind of powerful, positive healing, and some really painful challenging moments, that were actually part of that healing.

    I was mourning this weekend, a very significant anniversary. And I also had plans to visit a “friend” who has recently had surgery. When another person is hurt or in pain, I feel almost inexorably pulled to go and give some kind of aid or assistance. It is part of my DNA, I suppose. And it is REALLY hard to be told no. And I wasn’t really being told no. I was being told, “not on this day – come a different day.” But that wasn’t acceptable to me. The only day I wanted to go, to see this person was on Saturday.

    The reason I said “friend” in quotes is that this person is an old crush of mine. And he’s admitted to having feelings for me, too. And his wife is also pregnant with their second child. But I suspect – very strongly – no, in fact, I know – that the real reason he did not want me to come by on Saturday was that he wanted me to come on a different day. That is, on a day when his wife was not home. He did specifically request this. And I have to say, I am not feeling so great about that request. Because a) it doesn’t really honor my needs and my schedule (aka that Saturday was the day I planned that I had available to come and visit), and b) it’s not fully honest. If he wants to visit with me alone, then that is not fair, to me or to his wife. Even if we “do nothing,” it still feels like we are doing something behind her back, and I do not feel good about that.

    And since he’s someone that I have had feelings for, I do not want to be “the other woman.” If I am going to be anything to him at all, I want to be the main person in his life. I want to have the time and place that I choose when I want to be with him. If he wants me all to himself, then I want to have the privilege of having him all to myself, when I choose – and not when he is done giving all of his best time and all of his attention to another person. That is not what I am here for.

    I feel so strongly about this, and this is what I want to communicate to him. But at the moment, I have told him that I am too angry and heartbroken to talk to him, which is true.

    All day on Saturday, I was mourning my sister, plus feeling broken-hearted and disillusioned about this person whom I always carried a torch for, but who I realize now (for like the billionth time, maybe) has never really gone out on a limb for me, never taken a chance with me, and never really offered me the kind of things that would signal “love” in my life. He just likes to say that he has feelings for me, and enjoy the fact that I like him, and that’s it. It all means nothing.

    But I have a massage scheduled for myself tonight.

    And last night (AKA Vday), I had long phone conversation with someone – a ma-yun. (That’s just a funny way that a friend of mine used to say “man.” And I like it so I stole it : )

    So it’s all going to be fine. I will let my feelings simmer down, and my thoughts coalesce, and maybe later this week, I can have a conversation with him. It doesn’t need to be this hard. I just need to be real and honest with myself and with him. And that will get us to wherever we need to be. That is without expectations about where or what that is.

    I am feeling very confident about that.



  20.  #20Tereana on February 15, 2016 at 2:23 pm

    Well, I guess I am the only one here at the moment…

    I am on my way to the massage. In my mind, I can still feel thoughts bouncing around about my old crush, his new family, his things all too place on Saturday, and I had a major A-ha moment.

    Yesterday, my thoughts felt so charged. It felt like “drama.” And of course it felt real at the time, it felt like feelings.

    But the A-ha is that they are not feelings. They are, but they are not true feelings. They in fact DISTRACT me from my true feelings. The more I succumb to the powerful pull of “drama,” the more those sensations prevent me from actually feeling, encountering, and communicating my true feelings.

    I don’t know what this means for me, going forward. Surely I have noticed this before. But it feels different, new somehow.

    I feel less and less enchanted by the pull of all that drama. Though it is very seductive at times



  21.  #21Tereana on February 15, 2016 at 2:25 pm

    *how things took place (not “his things”…)



  22.  #22Tereana on February 15, 2016 at 2:32 pm

    Indigo, I wanted to thank you for your response to me, a few posts back. It was nice and validating to read, and it made a lot of sense. I loved your analogy about pregnancy, and waiting until 2nd trimester to say anything. This is really true. Although I don’t know if I can put a specific time on when it’s right to talk about a relationship, but I guess you know. You can use your intuition to sense out when it is time to “go public.”

    I suppose no time would be safe or would be a true guarantee. But in some cases, it might help. It would mean you can get support when you need it 🙂

    (And by “you” I if course mean me ; )



  23.  #23Tereana on February 15, 2016 at 6:47 pm

    IAmHis – what you said in #14: totally agree! And I like the part you added about educating men about how sex is for us, and how it is different.

    That is one thing I have been doing for Soldier Man. And now that I am in a moment where I feel like I am “waiting,” and the waiting is giving me some anxiety (due to the fact that we had a very long conversation yesterday), and I need to calm myself down, I want to share something good that I think came up around him.

    Which is, when he asked me to go see him where he lives, I finally said no. I had to backtrack a little to do it, but I said no, I don’t feel comfortable going there first. At first, he was put off by that. He thought I didn’t like him or want to see him, and he wasn’t thinking about coming up to see me.

    But then I talked to him the next day. I told him WHY I didn’t want to go down there first, and I shared some stories from my past about that. And…he GOT IT! That part was really amazing. And he even said words that I had been thinking but hadn’t said, like that I have principles and boundaries. It feels like he really respects me now, because of my decision, and last week, we talked almost every day. He says that he definitely wants to come up to see me now, and it is just a matter of planning it out. The planning part is tricky. But at this point, I don’t even think he would let me come to see him first. He wants to be the first one. Isn’t that great??

    That is great.

    But I feel anxious right now, because of the tension with my old friend, and really sort of grieving the loss of something there. Which is most likely the loss of an illusion, is what it is. Still, that is a loss. And it was so great to talk to my Soldier Man yesterday. We had a conversation that ranged into lots of sensitive areas. Maybe too sensitive? I am wondering. Is he judging me? I don’t know. He seems to judge me positively. I just worry. It’s not necessary, I’m sure. He did say that he would be more busy over the next few weeks and that we wouldn’t get to talk as much. He seems to expect me to be really demanding. I have to fight the urge to actually be demanding in response to that. I don’t want to be. I do want to ask for what I want. I don’t necessarily want to be compared to other women. But I do like that we can talk openly about relationships. I wonder if I told him too much yesterday, and I am probably overthinking, over-wondering.

    That’s why I am here. To breathe. To get all these thoughts out of my head, onto the blog.

    The soothing thought I had tonight was, “He’s sure, he’s sure, he’s sure.” I don’t know why, but I found that very reassuring. Relaxing. I might keep thinking that one…and reminding myself that my worry thoughts are not necessarily true…



  24.  #24IamHis on February 15, 2016 at 7:41 pm

    @Tereana – Thank you! Means a lot to know I’m making sense to people.

    I love what you said about “the loss of an illusion.” So many people don’t seem to understand how incredibly painful that can be. Sometimes it’s worse than a “real” loss!



  25.  #25Indigo on February 15, 2016 at 8:06 pm

    Tereana,

    Yeah… I think the point I was trying to make in my post to you is that there are no “rules”. It is going to feel different for different people. I know some bubbley, extroverted types who can handle going public with their relationship almost from the get-go and splash it all over Facebook and be perfectly fine.

    But you have to know your personal rhythm. As a sensitive introvert I am more naturally cautious about everything. I have to give my natural fears and concerns a chance to rise to the surface and be dealt with and soothed, and I find this is a process that takes time, and is best conducted by myself with minimal exposure to other people. Once I feel more secure and comfortable, and more importantly the relationship feels more solid, then I tend to feel quite ok with being totally public as a couple, though I’m never going to be very public.

    I think my point was about knowing what you can handle… this has been SO important for me.



  26.  #26Millie on February 15, 2016 at 11:05 pm

    Tereana 16– Yeah that makes a lot of sense! That just by being and existing I am therefore attractive. I’m experiencing so much ups and downs here…attracting and keeping men seems so f-ing hard. There are so many books and blogs about attraction, it overwhelms my mind just to think of reading them all and holding all the information and molding myself into a new person. I feel like quitting.



  27.  #27Indigo on February 16, 2016 at 2:40 am

    Millie,

    I think you really have to consider this: there are millions of people all over the world who are happily paired up, to varying degrees of course. But millions of people the world over are able to have long term relationships. Do you really think all of them are tying themselves in knots trying to figure out the exact chemistry and physics of attraction and agonising over their ability to have a relationship day in and day out? I highly doubt it.

    This is the realisation I eventually came up against. Why make it so difficult and complicated? I think we need to make it more SIMPLE and do LESS rather than putting ourselves through a university level course just to understand how to keep a man around. I realised that doing this was hindering my ability to keep a relationship going, not helping it. I was overthinking things and overcomplicating things so much that I was sweating the small stuff.

    Finally I realised, it’s very simple. If a man is with you it’s because he wants to be (no, no, don’t go overcomplicating that to mean if he’s not with you then he DOESN’T want to be with you) – stop reading things in, full stop. If he’s with you it’s because he wants to be. If he’s in a relationship with you it’s because he wants to be. The fact that he’s with you and has committed to you means, at this time, he finds you desirable enough to want to be with you over other women. That’s it.

    All other things you do can either enhance this desire or push him away. This doesn’t need to be complicated either. Be soft, warm and enjoyable to be around. Be yourself. Laugh. Appreciate the things he does for you. Accept him as he is as much as you can. When a man doesn’t like something you do, he will usually tell you, if it bothers him enough. Then stop doing that thing. See if you can live with all of this. If so, rinse and repeat.

    With a good man who wants to be with you, it really, really is that simple.



  28.  #28Femininewoman on February 16, 2016 at 5:06 am

    Millie – who was it that said be the change you want to see in the world. If you focus on yourself “molding myself into a new person” would only mean committing to yourself to be the best person you can be. Focus on being the most attractive girl. Not to pull in any particular man but because it makes you feel sparkly and bright. It makes you want to go out live your big dreams and relive them by sharing them with whoever is intrigued enough to listen. Any blog or book you read should be with an intention of gaining something that expands Millie and bring her closer to her dream life.

    Regardless of whether a man is around or not what type of woman would you like to be?



  29.  #29Azure Blu on February 16, 2016 at 5:11 am

    Indigo #27
    LOVE THIS… K.I.S.S.
    Keep It Simple Siren!!

    “Finally I realised, it’s very simple.
    If a man is with you it’s because he wants to be
    (no, no, don’t go overcomplicating that
    to mean if he’s not with you then he DOESN’T want to be with you) –
    stop reading things in, full stop.
    If he’s with you it’s because he wants to be.
    If he’s in a relationship with you
    it’s because he wants to be.
    The fact that he’s with you
    and has committed to you means,
    at this time,
    he finds you desirable enough to want to be with you over other women. That’s it.”



  30.  #30Indigo on February 16, 2016 at 7:21 am

    Feminine Woman 28,

    Love this!

    When I figured out what kind of woman I want to be, what the life I want to have really looked like, and started pursuing that with my whole heart, that was when I felt happiness and fulfilment like I have never known up until now. That was when I attracted the best man in whom I have known so far, one who was adoring and caring and supportive. And also masculine and goal-driven himself.

    What kind of woman do I want to be? I have a very clear answer to that question now.



  31.  #31Mandy on February 16, 2016 at 9:22 am

    I have found my Siren feeling in crocheting!

    I started making crochet bikini tops and they are very popular!

    Now i just have to figure out how to size them and i might just crate my own business 🙂

    YAY!

    But point is, the crochet…the yarn, I am just set looking and it and meditating on the yarn and making my stitches, it’s very soothing and Sireny.

    Anyone else have a Sireny hobby?

    I also draw 🙂



  32.  #32Mandy on February 16, 2016 at 9:36 am

    Oh I have something to share…

    Last night I poked Valentine online and said:

    Me: Hey?

    V: Sorry hun a bit busy

    Me: Ok let me know when you have time

    V: Ok I will. Sorry again hun. (Family)

    Me: It’s okay, understood.

    V: Ok a have a few min whats up Love?

    Me: Oh, I just wanted some attention.

    V: Hehehe, you’re cute Love!

    I really loved this response and this is the response I get when I’m honest. I just noticed that as good. This makes me think when I’m ready to say my script I might…get a response of kisses and hugs. He’s got a track record for it, LOL. I fear so much saying something but usually when I do, THIS ONE responds with a warmed heart.

    What do you make of that, a man who responds warmly as though his heart has melted when you tell him something like you want attention? Is that a man’s response of wanting to take care of you because you’re being feminine and honest and confiding in him?

    That would be my take but correct me if I’m wrong, all of you KNOW your opinions matter BIG TIME to me 🙂



  33.  #33Indigo on February 16, 2016 at 10:13 am

    Mandy,

    Sorry, actually my opinion is that it means nothing if it’s just words.



  34.  #34Femininewoman on February 16, 2016 at 10:26 am

    Mandy what came to mind was “if he is not in front of you he doesn’t exist”.



  35.  #35Azure Blu on February 16, 2016 at 11:10 am

    Mandy,
    Actions are what matter…
    His Action of doing NOTHING is speaking loud and clear…

    from Rori….
    “If a man doesn’t call, if he doesn’t step up, if he doesn’t do what he’s supposed to do
    then raise YOUR degree of difficulty,
    raise YOUR status
    in YOUR OWN eyes,
    and downgrade HIM.”

    But Mandy,,,,
    This is your time to PRACTICE on all your CDs
    especially on the one you have the most feelings for…
    that is what I used Spirit for while we were on-again-off-again…
    share your REAL feelings…
    Lean way back…
    I know you are trying…
    Wait until HE contacts YOU….
    Then share your script

    and another Rori post…
    “… look at how he treats you.
    Look at how he makes you feel.
    A great man is one who can love.
    Who knows how to love like a MAN.
    When you can look for that in a man,
    and SEE that when it shows up…
    then power will flow to you, through you,
    through both of you…everything expands,
    everything gets better…

    in the mean time you are LOVING YOU MORE!!
    I can feel you expanding and learning…
    and filling YOUR life up with YOUR life!!!
    oxoxo



  36.  #36Azure Blu on February 16, 2016 at 11:20 am

    I found this in wandering through the archives….

    ““It doesn’t matter how much we give to a man

    or make it easy for him —
    
he won’t fall in love.

    He can’t fall in love with a woman

    just because she’s fun,

    smart and sexy.

    He falls in love with who we are

    and our ability to anchor in love
    
and ourselves.

    To stick to our boundaries,

    to say no to what we don’t want
and
    to be able to walk away

    if we’re not being loved,

    cherished and adored.”

    “When you learn how to anchor yourself

    in self – love,

    you’ll see your masculine man moving towards you.

    There’s a magnetic pull on a man
    
that makes him want to get as close as possible

    when a woman loves herself more than any man.
    
If you don’t learn how to anchor yourself

    in self–love
    
and learn how to love yourself
    more than any man,

    you’ll find yourself feeling anxious,
    
insecure,

    constantly chasing a man
    
and losing yourself completely.”



  37.  #37Indigo on February 16, 2016 at 11:56 am

    Mandy,

    Sorry, I know my comments sound harsh.

    Let me explain. I have a guy friend who behaves very much as your Valentine. He calls me honey, baby etc. When I am single, he spends time with me, takes me out to lunch or breakfast or cooks for me, cuddles me, kisses me. Helps me with things. If I asked him to do something or be there for me, if it was in his power, he would do it. He once drove all the way across town after a night out at 3 o clock in the morning because I was feeling blue and I asked if he could come lie next to me. He tells me he has feelings for me, cares for me very much etc.

    This all feels great, but what does it all mean in the grand scheme of things? Nothing. It’s fleeting moments, fragments of memories, dust on the wind. Because he will go weeks after seeing me without a word. And he will up and go off on a 4 day trip the next day without giving me a second thought. And he is free to date and spend time with whomever he wants. And I have never met his family or gone to any significant events with him. And there are no future plans whatsoever, not even for the next time we will see each other. And… I could go on, but you get the picture.

    Things that hold currency for a man are time, loyalty, freedom. The sweet words, the affection, the “honey, baby”… are relatively cheap. If you want to just enjoy them for what they are, sure do that. But I get the feeling you are reading way too much into it, and focusing on this guy way too much.



  38.  #38Azure Blu on February 16, 2016 at 12:08 pm

    Indigo #37
    I love this story…

    Wow… that’s just how Spirit used to be…

    When he was around I would keep him in my rotation…and miss him when he would disappear but REALLY – it was all words… just fun…
    Said he Loved me… asked me to marry him… planned our retirement!
    and when I realized that was all he could do (words)…
    I was warm and open hearted AND kept *MY* boundaries (he always pouted cause I was dating other men) when he was around…
    as I mentioned… I used him for MAJOR Practice…
    Free therapy…

    Obviously he has done a 180 turn around… but I NEVER counted on that…



  39.  #39Millie on February 16, 2016 at 1:00 pm

    Indigo and Femininewoman– so my trigger came about for two reasons. One is I was hanging out with a couple and their friends, a new guy and girl who seemed to like each other. When I talked I felt like no one was listening. I didn’t feel seen. I didn’t feel interesting. They all wanted to go out to a party and I chose not to go. I just felt like going home. The next day I was reading Helenas blog post and came across Bob Grant. Looking at his site I felt intensely triggered by all the suggested books he has… “Love tactics” material for keeping the fire alive in your marriage… And suddenly I felt overwhelmed by this journey. Like there’s always a right thing to say and do and how will I ever manage to consume enough knowledge to know? Until it’s inherent? And why am I so lacking in this knowledge? It’s overwhelming.

    As far as being the best version of myself– I feel like I AM living the life I want! I really do!! I have an awesome job that is reflective of my passion, I do all of my passions and hobbies. I take care of myself. I love when I live, my new car, my friends, my family. I have it all and I’ve given it all to me! So… Why is this attraction thing so hard? If I’m already there? I want to become more confident, lighthearted, and change my attitudes, but I should still be able to attract people in even when I am still “working on myself”



  40.  #40Tereana on February 16, 2016 at 2:29 pm

    Indigo #27 – I know this was to Millie, but I love ittt!!!!

    Every bit of it 🙂

    And I love Azure’s addition as well: “Keep It Simple Siren” (I’ve heare the other version, and I like this better 😉 )

    I am sooooo good at overcomplicating things. But I do also naturally want to simplify. So I think I’m getting better at that too



  41.  #41Tereana on February 16, 2016 at 2:46 pm

    Mandy, I thought your exchange with Valentine was cute!

    It could have gone horribly wrong, of course. It could have been “leaning forward.” But it was low-key, simple, honest. The best was when you said you just wanted attention.

    Rori says sometimes we need to be like a cat. Cats are independent and they don’t care. But when they want attention, THEY LET YOU KNOW. Make no doubt about it. But it’s soft and gentle. They nuzzle and purr. It’s like leaning forward and being receptive at the same time.

    And he did come to you, and he appreciated it. So that’s not bad.

    But it would be a good idea to not get in the habit of this all the time, otherwise he will not feel the need to reach out, if it once he feels that you are always going to do that

    I need to listen to that as well….



  42.  #42TinyDancer on February 16, 2016 at 10:45 pm

    I feel so glad to get to connect to all this sharing – it really helps me stay grounded as I’m untangling from an ‘all talk no walk’ man. You ladies are rockstars! And yes, Sirens too!! You reconnect me to the best of me, and it’s a huge gift. I feel super excited to have this resource, and take courage from all your great work. I can breathe better now…. 🙂



  43.  #43Millie on February 16, 2016 at 11:06 pm

    Indigo 27– I really love and appreciate what you said here!!! Thank you!!!



  44.  #44Azure Blu on February 17, 2016 at 6:48 am

    Millie #39
    I do soooo get what you’re saying here!!

    I too feel overwhelmed sometimes reading about ALL the does and don’ts
    But what I have discovered for me…
    is that I have chosen a couple of people that I feel
    their philosophies are congruent and
    only read them… Otherwise I do feel completely confused!!!

    For me i feel that All the Rori coaches emphasize the same basic principles… a life long journey of learning to LOVE ME
    Evan M Katz… although I haven’t been reading him much lately,
    also embraces the concept, “Unless we love ourselves, we will continue to choose MEN who don’t love us either.”

    That’s how I have been able to Keep it Simple, Siren.



  45.  #45BeLoved on February 17, 2016 at 7:06 am

    Sweet relief 🙂
    I’ve been struggling with my feelings for a man I had one, yes, ONE date with, a couple of weeks ago.
    I’ll be seeing him tomorrow and I don’t want to get into the whole story of it, I simply want to share my experience this morning.
    I was feeling all of the struggly feelings, because all of the good, tender, easy, natural, fun, sweet heartfeelings come up when I hear from him and think of him. My mind comes up with scenarios of why I shouldn’t keep seeing him, then rebutting with reminders to expect things to work out, to expect the positive, then another reminder to get on my horse, use my tools, BE PRESENT.

    Round and round and round my brain went, so I went for a jog. As I was cooling down, a song came on my playlist with lyrics about not being afraid to love and I suddenly realized, it’s okay. It’s just love. I totally feel love feelings and it doesn’t make sense, doesn’t fit with who I think I am or should be, and it’s okay. It’s just love.



  46.  #46Mandy on February 17, 2016 at 10:37 am

    Sirens,

    I definitely think you all have a very good point. Yes, I am focusing too much on him.

    However, I was attempting to speak of him as one of my CDs, and noticing the difference between say, he and J, and noticing I have at least grown in the fact that I have been able to open up to a man who is warm, rather than a tortured soul.

    This is a huge change for me, and very important in the big picture, whoever I end up with. I suppose I should’ve been more to the point on what I meant about that post. The exchanges are a good example of what I want. What I want to see, in an exchange.

    But I’m feeling defensive and sad, because I was describing a step up for myself, and what I heard back was it all means nothing, my step up means nothing.

    Indigo, I have to say, spending time with you, taking you out to lunch or breakfast or cooking for you, cuddling you, kissing you. Helping you with things. Driving across town to see you to lie next to you…
    All that is nothing to you? I have to respectfully disagree, I as I may have different wants and needs than you at this point in my life. I’m not ready to be married, what I want to do is study my Cds and learn. Through exploring my exchanges with Valentine, I am learning.

    Azure, I do not see him doing nothing. He has been sick, and helping his mother put in a wooden floor and moving and getting a new job. He has plans to give me a special token of his affection and I for one would like to see if it happens, and i am still seeing my other CDs (two this week). My gift has been ordered and hasn’t arrived in the mail. I could list all the things he does, until I am blue in the face, but that’s not my point. My point is that I have attracted and stayed open to someone who is warm, unlike what J was…completely cold. I used to feel ICKY in the presence of a warm person. Now I don’t and that is a good thing. Do you see what I am trying to say?

    I’d like to pose my question again. As with any CD. Do men melt inside when you are authentic and honest, is that a masculine tendency? Is that why authenticity, honesty and vulnerability are important?



  47.  #47Indigo on February 17, 2016 at 11:35 am

    Mandy,

    No, it doesn’t mean nothing. It means a great deal to me. In many ways my friends are my lifeblood and my foundation. I love them very deeply.

    But it really cannot compare to a man who has laid it all on the line for you and committed to be with you alone.



  48.  #48Azure Blu on February 17, 2016 at 11:39 am

    Mandy,,,,
    Darling Siren,,, thank you for putting V in perspective of YOUR growth!!
    I DO agree with Tereana… that was an amazing connection that you and V had…
    I love that you were OPEN to his giving…
    and YOU RECEIVED it as the LOVE that he was giving you…
    and You practiced asking for what you WANT
    with someone you have much feelings for…

    YES, i do know you are CDing others… that keeps
    your heart safe…

    I do see how you are on your side…
    Growing and learning…
    I have mentioned that many times!! :-))

    Sorry if I came across too negative!
    But – as Rori says – We aren’t here just to give you the feed back you want to hear…

    I do understand that you feel you are expanding your
    emotional intimate muscles
    being able to be around a warmer man than ever before… that does feel like a GREAT amount of Growth!!!
    oxoxo



  49.  #49Tereana on February 17, 2016 at 2:34 pm

    Millie, Indigo, and IAmHis – just wanted to say thank you for all of your responses. I appreciated them!



  50.  #50Tereana on February 17, 2016 at 2:40 pm

    With Soldier Man…I’m feeling some anxiety when he doesn’t contact. I wonder why I care? Am I simply projecting other feelings onto him and the relationship?

    I do know that right now, I feel a particular emptiness in my heart area. This is a space left open by T, my long, long crush of many years. He is the man I decided long ago was “my one.” But now I feel mad. I will rant here, in anticipation of being able to tell him some of what I feel. Authenticity is the theme of my day. And authenticity is the service I plan to provide in this instance. It’s the best I have to offer.



  51.  #51Tereana on February 17, 2016 at 3:09 pm

    So here I am, ready to vent. T says that he loves me. That he care about me. That he has “always had a crush on me,” and found me beautiful and sexy.

    And he tells me this when? Ok, 2 years ago. But that was when he was already married to someone else and expecting their first child. It strikes me as somehow cowardly. That he can admit that only behind the safe plexiglass wall of that marriage, from which place he is not really obligated to do anything about his feelings for me, if they are real. In fact, he is more so obligated NOT to do anything. And by asking for alone time with me, when his wife is not there…well, at first it felt good. But then it didn’t. Because instead of getting to see him when I wanted, he started to try and manipulate my schedule around hers. And then it felt like sneaking. It felt dishonest. It felt wrong. I don’t want to be a party to that.

    No.

    If he wants alone time with me, then he is going to have to do better than that. Because I don’t want a few scraps of time here and there. What I really want is all of it. Everything. I don’t want her place or her time. I want MY place. I want MY time. I want that in his life. To be his family. To be that important to him.

    If I am not, then it all means nothing to me. It’s worthless, because what can I do with that? Sneaking around with him, I don’t get anything I want, and he gets everything. He gets to have it both ways.

    Well, it’s wrong, and I won’t allow it. He can either treat me with the dignity and respect I deserve (not to mention his wife), or he can forget about me – at least he can forget about trying to feed me the BS line that he “loves me.”

    He’s never gone out on a limb for me. He’s never taken a risk for me, to show me that love, in even one small way. And if that’s what he wants, then he is going to have to step up – or get out of the way and make room for someone who will.

    There. That’s my rant.



  52.  #52IamHis on February 17, 2016 at 3:21 pm

    @50 Tereana – Love this. Of course I don’t know this guy, but he sounds like a sqiurmy, sneaky dishonest little coward who is desperate for attention.

    I would drop him like a hot coal if it were me.

    Even if he were to “step up” & go through the long, painful process of divorce with his wife, who is to say he wouldn’t do the same thing with you when things get “hard”

    (& they always do!)



  53.  #53Mandy on February 17, 2016 at 6:48 pm

    Azure & Indigo –

    Sorry about being so defensive. I want you to know I’v mulled around what you’ve said today, and chewed on it, and riffed on it…

    Well, I’d like for Valentine to still be in my rotation. I just need to deliver the script to him that Sami and I practiced. Then after that, if I just can not be happy with the amount of attention I am getting, I shall see if I can move on to other horizons.

    I know I went a few “rounds” with J (these “rounds would take years to go over and over again, seeing if I could get through to him.) I don’t want to waste time asking again and again so I’ll only say it once. It feels good to stay in contact with you, however, I am a woman who needs more meetings with a man I am dating.

    I do still want to see what he has in store. If he is just having a hard time right now or if he is making excuses. In the meantime, taking care of myself, socializing and having a life outside of it, of course.

    I feel way more relaxed about it now than I did a few days ago that’s for sure. I do not know why. I will let you know if I figure it out.

    I am really mulling around and riffing on who I see in front of me. This one CD I haven’t come up with a name for. TallNDark I guess. Anyway, he’s coming over tomorrow. But in his interactions with me, is he very cold and calculating. He does not want physical touch much in fact he says don’t lay the snuggling on too thick and that turns me way off. Valentine sits me right on his lap and looks right at me and holds me for hours. That’s a proper way to be in my opinion.

    Anyway we will see what happens tomorrow, might just be stimulating conversation and that’s it. But I also have my friend Pixie coming by too so that’ll be fun.

    So I have much going on and I feel pretty balanced, at least today. If I continue to get good sleep and good food and exercise/vitamins, etc…and keep busy, I’m sure I’ll be fine whatever the case…

    Just trying to get a few things right…I’ve been cooped up for years, so I’m just now again feeling my old rusty gears turning in the dating world. LOL.



  54.  #54Tereana on February 17, 2016 at 7:24 pm

    IAmHis – Thank you for that! Just to be clear, “sneaking around” doesn’t include anything super intimate. It’s just the idea that he really wants to see me by myself, and specifically not with his wife around.

    And I believe, because I know she is not stupid, that she knows there is something between us. But she’s fine because she is already married to him.

    And anyway, I’m not asking him to leave anyone. I’m saying, he’s had his chance. He could have been with me at any time. And he never came forward to say anything. So why does he think that now I am going to indulge his fantasies and let him think about me as if there was some possibility when there is really no possibility that anything that happens will be in my favor…unless he made D*mn sure that it was. And I’m not even sure that I want that anymore. I think I’m over it…



  55.  #55Liquid Light on February 17, 2016 at 7:47 pm

    Tereana,

    You answered your own question: So why does he think that now I am going to indulge his fantasies and let him think about me as if there was some possibility when there is really no possibility that anything that happens will be in my favor…

    Because you ARE.



  56.  #56Millie on February 17, 2016 at 8:21 pm

    Azure– Yes! I just bought Bob Grant’s ebook and I think it has put into overwhelm. I have a tendency to immerse myself too much and that gets me into my head even more than I already am, which is the opposite of what I’m really trying to achieve. Might be a good idea to shelve it until I feel like I’ve mastered all the Rori tools.



  57.  #57Millie on February 17, 2016 at 8:36 pm

    I had an interesting day yesterday. I really wanted to eat sushi for dinner, but not by myself. As I was driving home my male cousin called and said our younger cousin (who is about 12 years younger than us) was just broken up with by text. She is devastated and he said h was going to take her to dinner to our favorite japanese restaurant since she hadn’t eaten all day and did I want to join..Yes of course!! It was so interesting to be on the other side of things…to witness my young, sweet, cousin going through ALL THE SAME THINGS I DID/DO. The poor girl was a zombie, bursting out crying and putting her head on my shoulder. I felt this great motherly desire to hold her, I wrapped my hands around her head, stroked her hair, held her tight, rubbed her back, almost wanting to cry myself because I KNOW so well the pain she is feeling and how I wish I could take it away. It was like a coming into adulthood for her and for me. My male cousin and I who are the same age took her phone away to stop her from texting him. I got the opportunity to share all that I have learned…of course, I know that knowledge means so much more once you’ve experienced it and all she hears is words right now. She wants him back and wants to “fix” things. Ohhhh how I told her…I know how you feel, but the truth is you can’t fix this, and the best thing you can do is listen to him, respect his decision, and keep living this amazing life you have. He will most likely be back, but give him this space and take the space for you to grow. So when he does come back, you are ready. She was so heartbroken and just empty, didn’t go to school that day, could barely eat…oh I totally understand. I surprised myself at my own wisdom when I told her that “men are the cherries on top of the sundae of life. You are a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants and you have an amazing family who will be here for you no matter what. And we love you no matter what. This is your sundae, not him, your future, your present, your passions, us….I know you feel like you can’t live without him, but you already are. You can. A sundae without a cherry is still a sundae.” I don’t even know where all of that came from, but I knew I had to hear it too…It’s just so different seeing a family member go through it that’s so young and really has no clue about men. I wish I could give her everything I knew. Sh*t I wish I could FOLLOW everything I knew.

    I haven’t heard from M since our two sentence exchange a week ago, but I’ve been really good with not pining and refocusing my energy. I wonder if the universe saved me from what could have become an unhappy relationship..an unhappy marriage, for me…I think I have to look at it this way…because if the universe wants me to be happy, then him not being in my life must be a pathway to happiness….It sounds so weird and slightly painful to think of things that way….but anyway, I feel so ready for new men to walk into my life. The universe thinks I should be alone a bit longer…I have more to work on…the universe is looking out for me…and when the time is right I know something great will come.



  58.  #58Lucy on February 17, 2016 at 9:09 pm

    Hello Sirens,

    How are you? I feel very good, happy, and living my life’s dream which is to be an audio producer.

    I just broke up with CD who has been hanging around for two years. I feel that is long enough to decide about me, and I finally said “I don’t need your vibes in my life; I’m looking for a life partner.”

    I said it and meant it. It hurts, but I’m bombarded with male attention and energy, and it feels fine not to have anyone specific right now.

    Azure Blu, it is so good to see you still here. Are you and Spirit a permanent item now? I hope this was not too forward a question to ask, and I just want you to share what you feel comfortable with, Siren!



  59.  #59Emerson on February 18, 2016 at 3:21 am

    13 Iamhis
    thank you for this comment…it helped me put a situation in perspective, speak my boundaries but also remain soft and express my acceptance for the person as well….

    I feel that it seems complex sometimes to communicate with people, but actually it’s simple.

    I just have to be authentic, and accept the outcome and the fact that i can’t control the reaction of the person I am talking to.

    Also I find it frustrating to communicate by text.



  60.  #60Emerson on February 18, 2016 at 3:29 am

    I have some fears about communicating authentically because of family member and a “best friend” that I grew up with that caused me doubt myself and invalidated my feelings constantly….lots of arguing and hostility. Especially when I would express myself or any negative feelings.
    Interesting that I would choose a ‘best friend’ that was so similar to this family member….the friend I no longer talk to but the family member, I do…and it is a strained relationship.
    Lots of splitting going on with both of these people, and I picked up on the habit. It was never really who I was, it was a habit and an influence. I’ve stopped the splitting and remain conscious of it daily…and feels much more peaceful.



  61.  #61Tereana on February 18, 2016 at 5:09 am

    Oh, no no no, LL. No no. You read that exactly wrong and maybe placed your own filter on it.

    That was a power statement in the form of a question. It does not matter WHY he thinks that. It doesn’t matter if it was because of something I’ve done in the past or because he is a typical selfish entitled male (different as I’ve liked to think he was, he is not). It doesn’t even matter if he thought or expected that at all. It’s what it looks like.

    The ENTIRE point of my statement is that he can think that. But that doesn’t mean it is what I am going to do.

    is that Clear my Dear? We are not doing that. That literally was my point. The answer is in there. Read it again.



  62.  #62Tereana on February 18, 2016 at 5:18 am

    Emerson –

    I can understand why you would pick someone similar to a family member as a friend, even if that family member was not good to you. Maybe especially if. It happens all the time. You do it subconsciously because you want to heal the relationship with the family member. And some part of you hopes to do that with this new person. And if you can heal with that new person, maybe the relationship with the family member can heal as well.

    I am pretty sure that this rarely if ever works. But I am quite sure that I have done it myself.

    Of course, my best friendships were always with people who were or at least seemed very differently from my family. That ultimately is what I am always seeking.



  63.  #63Tereana on February 18, 2016 at 5:44 am

    Today is the first day since Saturday that I feel energy and that I have some clarity in my mind.



  64.  #64Azure Blu on February 18, 2016 at 6:27 am

    Lucy,
    Congrats on living your DREAM!!! WOWOW!!

    Nice to see you here on Siren Island… Is that a new name? do I know you by another name?

    Sounds like you feel good about telling your 2 year CD what you want in a relationship!!
    From my experience that’s how we get what we want!! either from them OR from someone NEW!!

    Lots of attention from many men…sounds Fun and exciting!!!

    Yes, Spirit and I are now Only seeing each other!
    I feel so HAPPY and sparkly bright!!
    He showers me with much love, attention and adoration!!!
    we have been exclusive for a month and a half! :-))
    on-again-off-again for 2yrs…



  65.  #65Azure Blu on February 18, 2016 at 6:32 am

    (((Mandy))) #52
    Everyday your Siren light shines even brighter than the day before…
    thank you for singing your beautiful golden melody
    here on siren Island! oxoxo



  66.  #66Azure Blu on February 18, 2016 at 6:35 am

    Millie #56
    I always feel a warm cozy, supporting feeling when you share your family stories…
    I feel so happy that you have that closeness with many of them!!
    I envy that…

    Ahhh your young cousin is so very lucky to have you and your other cousin there for love, attention and support!!!
    How wonderful you shared your journey and some of the tools that have helped you!!!
    oxooxoxo!!



  67.  #67Azure Blu on February 18, 2016 at 6:37 am

    Liquid light,
    I feel happy seeing your name here on Siren Island
    How are things with you?



  68.  #68Azure Blu on February 18, 2016 at 6:38 am

    (((Tereana))) #62!!!



  69.  #69Liquid Light on February 18, 2016 at 8:31 am

    Azure 66, Thanks for your post! 🙂 I’m doing great! I am really fortunate that I can take a break from my “real job” and do my art full-time for a bit. I am in heaven and having a blast! I’m totally obsessed with it. It is so much fun!!!



  70.  #70Lovergirl on February 18, 2016 at 9:14 am

    I’m feeling slightly amused, yet annoyed at RadioCD’s latest obsession with wanting to have a threesome with me and another woman.

    I know men are often obsessed with this as a big fantasy of theirs. He says he hasn’t done it since he was 23 and really wants to do it again.

    It’s just that I really don’t care much for the idea. I know I have been to swinger parties and I have done the group thing, but me and a guy and just one other woman sounds like a recipe for disaster. The only time I had a semi-threesome with another woman did not go well, though it was a loooong time ago.

    What’s funny to me is that I pretty much told him all this and how I feel about it, but its like he forgot or only heard that I have done the couple swapping thing in the past and he thinks it is MY fantasy, or WANTS to think that.

    The other night I went out with a girlfriend, and posted a pic on Facebook of us. He started texting me that evening asking if I had ever done anything with her. I said “no” and he kept asking if I wanted to, etc, and I kept telling him no. He was like “are you sure?” 😛 It amuses me that he thinks I would want to do things sexually with my girlfriend. It’s like men just have these wild imaginations about stuff like that.

    Then yesterday he met a co-worker of mine (because we are doing this thing where our company is working with the radio station temporarily) and today he is asking questions about HER. No, I am not going to sleep with my co-worker, especially a female one! Lol We are friendly, but not like that.

    Sigh….men….



  71.  #71Lovergirl on February 18, 2016 at 9:33 am

    Millie-

    So sweet of you all to be their for your cousin.

    I picked up my little brother from the airport the other day and we were talking about his breakup with his girlfriend. They broke up 8 months ago, right around the time I cut things off with S, but he is still struggling with it.

    The issue with him is that she wanted to stay “friends” and basically is dragging him through the mud with this “friendship”. She finally started sleeping with another guy and then complained to HIM that the guy cheated on her!

    He’s a mess. He clearly still loves this girl and he says it really hit him hard that she was sleeping with someone else, even 8 months after the breakup. He did eventually also have casual sex with another girl, but it was, as he put it “a very casual thing”. There was no emotional component.

    He says that at least he’s loyal and doesn’t cheat, which is a lot more than can be said for a lot of guys. He’s got a bunch of sisters, I guess we drilled it into him from a young age that he should treat women well. So he’s the one that ends up getting hurt.

    He’s 27 and still wants to find someone to spend his life with and have a family with. It’s just a reminder that a lot of times men are going through the same thing women are.

    Anyway, I told him the only way he is going to get over this girl is to completely cut her off. He has tried to not be “friends” before but she keeps calling and texting him anyway, guilting him into a “friendship”. They finally had a talk about that later in the day, and he said it was hard but ended on a high note. I think he still hopes she will eventually come back to him. :/



  72.  #72Daisy on February 18, 2016 at 12:11 pm

    Hi,

    I have a problem that I need help with. I was in a on-again, off-again relationship for almost 4 years with a man. The first time that we broke up was because he had become very distant – no texts or calls and I felt he didn’t care if I was around at all. He also pressured me to pay when we went out. We never went on dates, just to the bar. He’s a big drinker. However, I felt devastated, anxious, and numb when we broke up. I found Rori’s tools and they really helped me take the lid off of my feelings and I was felt happy being single. I relocated for awhile and tried online dating. I was in a situation where I needed to move back home. I ran into him one night and we started things up again. He wanted me to move in with him so I did. He said he would “try his nuts off” to make it work. I felt that I was leaning back and he had improved a lot of his ways. After a while, I got consumed with work and started to lose touch with my feelings and the numbness came back. His drinking and going out had increased to 5 or 6 nights a week, usually without me. I was receiving no texts or calls during the day. After waiting for him all night one Saturday, I decided to start making plans with friends instead of staying home alone all the time. We started never even being home at the same time and basically not speaking. One night, he came home and was texting back and forth and smiling at his phone. I decided that was it and took the belongings I needed. He never texted or called to ask where I was. The big problem is that my furniture is still at his house. After reading what I’ve just written, it sounds horrible and I obviously just need to get my stuff and forget about it. Isn’t that weird though? No text or anything? In my past, i have a marriage and an engagement that ended through my fault. I must be punishing myself.



  73.  #73Mandy on February 18, 2016 at 2:38 pm

    I have pulled focus off of Valentine and I had a circular date today and I feel great.

    Not that I want to completely get away from Valentine just level the playing field.

    Well it worked and I feel juicy and quite fancy-free!

    I saw TallNDark and he was all smiley and happy and relaxed and I vibe off him totally.

    I was telling him I was enjoying his vibrations he was putting off and he didn’t look at me like I was nuts, lol.

    The intellectual conversation is pretty sexy to me too. I was wearing a polka dot dress and he started to touch my leg because he said he liked the polka dots and I totally felt myself light up and said ooh that feels good and he actually made a first move when he likes for a woman to do it.

    It was really nice!

    I guess I picked the correct dress to wear 😛 I find old-fashioned sort of men who like to be Masculine like a bit of pin-up wear, lol which makes perfect sense to me!

    And I have my friend Pixie come by in a few. 🙂 YAY!

    I actually crocheted a pair of underwear, lol, to go with my crochet bras and I’m thinking still of going into business, lol 🙂



  74.  #74Emerson on February 18, 2016 at 6:12 pm

    61 thanks tereana



  75.  #75Millie on February 18, 2016 at 7:32 pm

    Lovergirl– your brother is lucky to have you too. I can’t help but think we always want the person who doesn’t want us…



  76.  #76Millie on February 18, 2016 at 7:45 pm

    I’m having such a hard time. Why does it always feel so difficult for me…I feel like sometimes I don’t have a light-hearted bone in my body. When I’m by myself, I cry a lot. I read the blogs and I feel so triggered and I cry. Being single with no men attracted to me feels like an elephant in the room I can’t ignore. I have to deal with it, I have to face myself, “that woman” who has a deep seated self-hatred or whatever the books say about “women who struggle.” I don’t want a be a woman who struggles. Tonight I had this sick feeling about coming home and started tearing up in the car. It’s almost like I don’t really want to be around people, but I don’t want to be alone with my feelings and thoughts either. A painful night of crying…or longing..or just trying to feel nothing so I can be “ok” with accepting the present as it is. Then there is this urge…It’s hard to explain, like a ball inside my stomach that’s spinning. I want to change things, I want to do something different, I want to be different, but at the same time the spinning ball makes me want to reach out to men because I feel like I need attention. It’s so sad, I can’t even believe I’m this person. Who is so lacking in male attention…so lacking in touch…and I’m doing the tools and I’m working on changing my patterns, but I can’t seem to beat this one. I just feel like if I just go to work and come home every day on the weekdays, no one will notice me. And my best years are being wasted. I just feel like I’m a lost cause and what’s it really gonna take?



  77.  #77Millie on February 18, 2016 at 8:03 pm

    I read this and I feel so so so so triggered by it, from Bob Grant’s book:

    “Expecting a man to have the emotional intelligence to navigate a woman’s defense mechanisms is like asking a child to perform open-heart surgery. Yet, so many women engage in self-destructive behaviors, hoping a man will rescue them from themselves. The real culprit in these women is not that they are simply picking the wrong men, but they have a deep-seated case of self-hatred. Some common ways that self-hatred manifests in women are: being self-critical, sexually acting out, eating disorders, talking negatively about others, excessive shopping, and rejecting compliments.”

    I pretty much exhibit all of those qualities…or at least have at one time. I had an eating disorder as a teenager, but I don’t anymore. I don’t talk negatively about others and I sometime have a hard time with compliments. Shopping…I mean I think I spend too much money, but I like to have nice things.

    I feel too embarrassed to date.
    Reading all of this stuff makes me like I stick out in a bad way, like men will just know– here comes another “___” one.

    I have a favorite hobby but I can’t do it every day, I think if I could– it would take the mental space up that I’m using for all this crap. Unfortunately, this is my reality and I have to face it because I created it. Who’s to say I couldn’t be in a happy relationship with someone right now? The idea of that feels like Mt. F-ing Everest. But, seriously…do I have to be here…did I choose to be here? Everything with M was just an illusion? I thought I was a siren for like three months and then oh no just kidding, you attracted another jerk who wants to use you for sex! Good for you…

    Ugh I just want to run away from myself.



  78.  #78Emerson on February 18, 2016 at 10:18 pm

    (((Millie)))



  79.  #79Emerson on February 18, 2016 at 10:24 pm

    Millie
    My heart goes out to you
    And I can relate to some of the things that you shared
    I see Mt Everest too….

    There are ups and downs but you’re still a SIREN



  80.  #80Emerson on February 18, 2016 at 10:28 pm

    Men’s egos are so fragile sometimes….Rori I feel curious what you’re comments are about this!

    I have a male friend that I only text with, it’s weird. And we were introduced by a friend, we live about 2 hours away from each other. He talks about it but never made the actual effort to see me.

    I’ve found texting more and more tiresome lately in the past year or so.
    I told him so and also didn’t engage in sexual flirtations with him anymore. It feels cheap.
    I told him I felt uncomfortable and he took offense to it and now we are not in contact. Which is good for me haha because I hate texting!!

    Honestly I’m not invested because hello, I’ve never met him in person but it still irritates me.
    Overall I am glad I spoke my truth about how i felt.



  81.  #81Emerson on February 18, 2016 at 10:30 pm

    I’m feeling this ominous fear flipped with hopefulness that I may not have a “match” out there….

    Oh I hope I do. I feel worried that it’s taking so long for me to meet someone after Recycledcd is now totally off my radar. he’s been gone for a while now. Also cutecityCD is totally gone and blocked from my phone.

    So I’m waiting for some interesting things to show up and I am inviting positive experiences.



  82.  #82Indigo on February 19, 2016 at 2:02 am

    Lovergirl 69,

    I think this is definitely wishful thinking on the part of men, or some men. Either that or they have no idea how our libido works. Men are much less complicated than we are… whereas women understand all these nuances of attraction I don’t think most men have the slightest idea. Almost why you’ve almost got to be careful about what you tell a guy about your past… especially when it comes to sex.



  83.  #83Indigo on February 19, 2016 at 2:20 am

    Mandy,

    I don’t think all this self-pity is serving you.

    If you are reading things that are triggering you and making you feel bad about yourself, why do you keep reading them? It’s like a self-inflicted torture.

    Why are you doing this to yourself? Self-flagellating. And yes, you are doing this to yourself. No one is doing this to you. Your insistence on hurting yourself is probably the biggest thing keeping love and positive experiences out of your life. No one is going around trying to hurt you; men are not making a bee line thinking “how can I not show Millie any love or commitment and only use her for sex?” They’re not. You are wallowing in self-pity and hurting yourself – and the pain is kind of sweet, so it’s hard to stop. How do I know? Because I’ve been there and I’ve done that. It’s hard to stop hurting yourself because you get into this cycle of thinking this is your lot in life and you get used to it and get addicted to it and kind of love it in a way. It protects you from really having to change and go out there, and possibly failing.

    You are putting way too much pressure on yourself and filling your mind with all kinds of destructive thoughts and beliefs which are turning into self-fulfilling prophecies. It doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to get sucked into the vortex of despair. The past is the past – it’s done. The future hasn’t happened yet, and it is not promised to us anyway. My brother died in an accident that lasted an instant. My mother nearly died on the operating table over Christmas. We only have today. Limit your worries to what you have to do today – and no more than that. What can you do to draw love in and show love to someone else today?

    Leave the past experiences in the past. And worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. You are not beyond it. Every day is new. This is absolutely fixable. You just have to choose it and stick to it.



  84.  #84Azure Blu on February 19, 2016 at 5:23 am

    Indigo #81
    Did you mean Millie not Mandy?



  85.  #85Azure Blu on February 19, 2016 at 5:26 am

    Liquid Light #68
    Ohhh… my that’s right! You are creating your Art!!
    That sounds so Fabulous!!
    What kind of art are you creating?Do you have a web site and are you selling it online?



  86.  #86Azure Blu on February 19, 2016 at 5:39 am

    Lovergirl,
    Ahhh… yes… men’s favorite fantasy…
    2 girls!!! :-))
    Almost every man i’ve been with expressed that desire… with one guy, we would have fun picking out the girl (just playing around) when we were out…
    But i got tired of him talking about other women.,, so I stopped that!

    Most of these guys have NO intention of actually doing it…
    with all the threesomes and MORE on the porn sights it looks so fun and easy!!
    BUT as you mentioned, lovergirl, it’s best left a fantasy!!



  87.  #87Azure Blu on February 19, 2016 at 6:12 am

    (((Millie))) #75
    I can totally relate.. for most of my life (from 40-63) I thought I was doomed to be alone…
    I know it won’t be that long for you, Millie!!!

    I continually chose the wrong men… so I took a *10* year break from dating (oh, an occasional date here and there) NO S*X (I felt the best years of my life just slipping away – as far as men were concerned!!)

    then when I was 52 (both children were out of the house!!) I met a fabulous man – the first few months we dated he asked me to marry him… I actually used the Rori tools – WAY before she even invented them.
    We moved in together, he treated me like his princess, we adored each other, traveled, planned the wedding, and then he was killed in a car accident! We were together 10 short months… it has taken 7 years to recover from that – of course I still morn his death – but at least it’s NOT EVERYDAY !!!
    another bad choice in boyfriend-
    and then I found RORI… and she has taught me to love ALL of me… which has led me to this wonderful man… Spirit!

    I share this NOT to Diminish your experience… but to let you know – You WONT be alone much longer!!!

    And what got me out of feeling – What is WRONG with ME???- I am SOO Tired of being alone!!
    I’ll NEVER find a nice man- ???
    It was embracing MY feelings of being too old…
    LOVING MY feelings of Hopelessness…
    Loving that I Hate My Triggers, Loving that I hate being alone at night (AGAIN!!)
    those are all part of ME!!

    NOT trying to Snap out of it!!

    Me being kind, gentle and PATIENT with ME…
    NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES!!!

    Sitting next to those uncomfortable feelings and saying
    “Of course you are feeling unlovable, AZURE… lonely,
    sad, unworthy!!!” I LOVE all of you AZURE!!
    I will ALWAYS love ALL of YOU!!!
    giving ME all the LOVE, acceptance and Patients
    that my mother and father NEVER could give me…
    HEaling My INNOCENT, Darling, Warm pink, cashmere heart!!!
    I wish that you can give ALL of this and MORE to you
    Lovely, sweet, growing Millie..
    you are On Your HappyEverAfter horse!!
    Sweetness!
    oxoxoxo



  88.  #88Indigo on February 19, 2016 at 7:15 am

    Azure Blu, yes 🙂 oops.



  89.  #89Millie on February 19, 2016 at 10:03 am

    Indigo– I’m so sorry to hear about your brother and be reminded of your mom. It does feel so much more immense when you realize how delicate life is and the amount of time wasted on things that don’t matter. I felt almost scared of myself last night. Like I couldn’t escape my own abrasiveness. It makes me sad to think I’m doing this to myself, which I am. Your right about it all.

    Azure–wow!! I can’t believe you lost him 🙁 that’s so awful!
    Or took a ten year break!! I can not imagine no physical touch for ten months let alone ten years. Yes, I will try to love my feelings more…. I will try. I tried doing the stranger tool last night but it was too difficult. So I tried to reverse it where instead of the stranger being next to me, I was the stranger and the other person is me. And The me is hugging me (as the stranger) and saying that I’m in control and I’m not going to abandon me. It didn’t really work.

    I’m sorry all this is coming across as self pity and I feel really bad about my energy on the blog right now.



  90.  #90BeLoved on February 19, 2016 at 11:00 am

    Millie – this blog isn’t about feeling all good all the time, and there is no reason to apologize for anything.



  91.  #91BeLoved on February 19, 2016 at 11:03 am

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/guidelines-for-posting/

    “Unless you’re a coach or therapist, and especially if you’re new here – would you consider seeing if you can “Translate” your thoughts into Feeling Messages?

    I generally ask everyone to stop giving advice and use the blog to share in Feeling Messages and “Riff,” and generally expose their own emotions and practice speaking them in a safe place where “making sense” is not important.

    If you feel compelled to give advice, here’s one way to try doing it differently: “If it were me…I’d feel good….” so you’re staying in Feeling Message format, not in masculine opinioning.”

    “In other words – this isn’t a forum where you give opinions and have judgments. I miss some of that, yes, but basically, there are no advice-giving and judgment leveling allowed.

    Judgment is totally the opposite of acceptance and self-love, and if we can’t love, have compassion for, be curious about, and have no judgment of others, then we surely don’t much love ourselves either.

    Also – judging and thinking are all masculine qualities, and we’re about developing our feminine energies (you can read all over the blog what I think those are).

    If you’re willing to take a look at how often you use the word “you” – and instead replace it with how YOU feel about yourself, and what makes sense to you – I would welcome you with open arms. If you don’t like my work – that’s fine, and so I wouldn’t be for you, and my blog wouldn’t be a place you want to be. Let me know how you’d like to proceed….

    ****



  92.  #92Cori on February 19, 2016 at 11:38 am

    Almsot all of your information is about what women should do to win a man’s heart, get him to commit, etc. I have just the opposite problem….men move way to fast with me, keep coming back after I’ve pulled the “friend” card, and won’t take “no” for an answer. I’m even putting out the energy that I want things to move slowly and become friends first. I enjoy fun flirting, but I’m very careful to not be physically aggressive or act seductive. Do you have any advice about how to deal with those situations?



  93.  #93BeLoved on February 19, 2016 at 12:11 pm

    I feel like crying right now.
    I had a date with the yummy love-feelings guy yesterday, that felt really good and ended on an icky-feeling note.
    We were kissing and snuzzling and with our last embrace before parting, he grabbed my breast. After me specifically telling him no, I did not want that.
    I played it off, but felt so icked out about it.

    After feeling through all of the ick and processing all of the stories and thoughts, I felt an epiphany.
    A-ha..I get it.
    I experienced that breast-grabbing as anger directed toward me because I am not going to have sex with him. He is ‘getting a divorce’ and there are other deal-breakers, that I knew were deal-breakers, but I agreed to meet him again.
    Because I like him, because I had the feels for him.

    So, where the epiphany and turnaround came, was noticing a story about him feeling entitled to have sex with me with no real investment, me saying no, and hence his anger.
    I turned this around, wondering where *I* felt entitled, and realized, that I knew that ‘getting a divorce’ is not what I want. I knew that “pot-head, psychedelic abuser” was not what I wanted. But I wanted a date. So, having half an idea of what he was after, I decided my desire to get a date and some affection and attention needs met overrode his desire for a hookup. I sorted it out and saw where I was sending mixed signals and when I realized, I was being a tease and leading on by simply showing up for a date with someone I know wants just sex, I felt sorry and I felt compassion which led to me feeling like crying right now.
    I’ve been dating just anyone pretty much, that wasn’t utterly repulsive, for the practice and for ‘duty dating’, and I don’t regret it because I don’t know how I would have grokked otherwise where I was feeling mixed up. I could see it logically, but my heartfeels are so strong they drive the show. In that moment of ick, and feeling through it, I felt like my heart “got it” and was like…oh, okay, I see what’s happening here, let’s blow this scene 🙂



  94.  #94BeLoved on February 19, 2016 at 12:21 pm

    Azure Blu – thank you once again, I feel so grateful hearing more of your story. I feel hope for me!! When I took time off from sex, I had no idea how broken my heart felt. I never would have imagined 7 years would go by before it started to feel healed up.

    <3 <3 <3



  95.  #95Liquid Light on February 19, 2016 at 12:49 pm

    Millie

    Quick thought on your post. As Indigo mentioned, your suffering is caused by your untrue assumptions and beliefs about yourself. That’s it. Its that simple.

    So you will need to question those thoughts and find out that they are based on false beliefs. Otherwise, these thoughts will keep running your life and you will continue to experience the same suffering over and over again.

    I would urge you to go back to Byron Katie’s The Work website. Watch all the videos that you can (there are tons on youtube just search for Byron Katie) and read her book Loving What Is. Over and over again until it starts to sink in. That’s what I’ve been doing, and doing worksheets, and its been helping me tremendously. Also there is a free help line on her site – you can find people there that will help you and facilitate you doing The Work.

    You truly have the ability to stop your suffering if you allow yourself to have an open mind and start to question your underlying thoughts and beliefs. Then you will realize what a wonderful amazing woman you are! 🙂

    Good luck!



  96.  #96Liquid Light on February 19, 2016 at 1:05 pm

    Beloved 90, Right on, girl! Love that epiphany you shared!



  97.  #97Starla on February 19, 2016 at 1:58 pm

    Beloved, wow, that’s some great processing. Really impressed. And sorry he grabbed you…. Blah! Wish I could give you a big (consentual!) hug.



  98.  #98Azure Blu on February 19, 2016 at 1:59 pm

    Beloved #90
    !!!Ahhhh…!!! Free therapy! What bright shinny, growth going on with YOU!!!!
    oxoxo

    Yes… My heart too was soo broken and confused.
    the first 10 yrs I took off from dating… I knew I needed to Heal ME! and the years just slipped by…
    I wish it wasn’t so… but that’s my life and my healing heart…

    one thing I’ve learned about life is…
    Things take much longer than the 30 min. TV shows where everything is resolved within that short time! :-))

    and Life feels sooo GREAT right now!!
    Spirit and I just went for an hour walk
    up here in MI it is 60 degrees – unheard of at this time of year!!



  99.  #99Helena Hart on February 19, 2016 at 2:03 pm

    Millie – sorry to hear that you’re going through a tough time right now, I hope you’re feeling better! I’ve been thinking about doing a new teleclass on Thursday, February 25th where people can call or write in and ask questions.

    If this is something that would be helpful for you (+ Azure Blu or anyone else who attended my last teleclass) let me know, I got such good feedback from the last one so I want to stay connected and set it up so that people can write in their questions this time.

    Love, Helena



  100.  #100Millie on February 19, 2016 at 9:01 pm

    Beloved– I love your processing…

    Liquid Light– thank you and I will look at Byron Katie’s stuff again. I’m just wondering if I should take a step back from inundating myself with information and constantly triggering myself. I feel like a rag wrung too tight today, with no water left to drip out. I did it to myself I know. But I wonder if the combination of receiving information triggers my mind to go into overdrive. My mind is too busy trying to navigate the past, present, and future and make some sort of conclusion out of it, while my heart is just full of tears not knowing what the h*ll it’s really feeling, it’s reacting to the mind. I’ve always had a strong mind. I just want it to work in the opposite way! grr

    Helena– thank you, I always love your tele classes 🙂 I would love to listen in.



  101.  #101Millie on February 19, 2016 at 9:07 pm

    Azure– I feel curious…what were you like/what was happening in your life in your late 20s and early 30s?



  102.  #102BeLoved on February 19, 2016 at 9:12 pm

    Awww, thank you Starla, Liquid Light and Azure for the positive reflections!

    Later on in the day, I further realized that I honestly don’t know why he did what he did, it’s all a story. After feeling and inquiring my way through, it all feels like a dream, like fog dissipating into the past and nothing to do with this moment.



  103.  #103BeLoved on February 19, 2016 at 9:23 pm

    Starla – I will happily receive your virtual hug!
    I’m very big on informed, conscious consent. I expect to hear from this guy again and may or may not bring it up, depending on how the conversation goes.



  104.  #104Millie on February 19, 2016 at 9:36 pm

    So, here are some positive things…to counter all my negativity:

    I noticed awhile ago, that I started having feelings for my guy friend. I noticed it around October. I actually feel no sense of urgency around these feelings, which feels lovely and peaceful and warm. I love being in his company and he is the first guy that I’ve really been able to have fun with doing the most boring of things with. Like do chores or go run errands with. We always end up laughing uncontrollably. However, he isn’t a datable option right now, which I feel fine with, I love noticing that I love how I feel when I’m with him and although there are many moments where he triggers me, working through the trigger together and acknowledging it and talking about it feels so good. Especially when he initiates the conversation. Noticing how I feel with him as being friends, really hits home the notion of being friends first with someone you are actually dating and how valuable and real that time is. I sense that he feels the chemistry and tension too, and is a bit scared of it. Partly because our friends tease us about us “going out” because we spend a lot of time together. It’s also a bit of a complicated situation, part of it has to do with propriety, but I really love who he is and how he makes me feel. I would love to practice opening up and being vulnerable with him, but I feel scared too. I’ve been holding back how he happy he makes me…and I want to start showing it and being love. He’s a really good person to practice with. Anyway I just wanted to share some positive things in my life 🙂

    Also, on valentines day I went to the store and left my notebook at the cashier’s. I had been chatting to the cashier the whole time and he ran out after me to give it to me and also gave me a rose. He introduced himself and said he sees me there a lot. It was so sweet and totally made my valentines!

    There’s also a guy at work who I feel like I have caught his eye. He’s not attractive, but there is something attractive about him. He is very warm and always smiling. On the days where I feel extra cute I can feel him following me with his eyes and I always smile back and say hello. Yesterday, I looked really cute and could feel him looking at me as I walked by his desk. On my way back, he stopped me and offered me some of his breakfast in a really cute way. It was this overly toasted toast and I should have accepted it because it was his masculine gesture, but I didn’t as I was on my way to work with my boss and couldn’t really show up chomping on overly toasted toast. He’s sweet though…and hoping I can learn how to receive more masculine gestures from him and other men.



  105.  #105HeartBeat on February 20, 2016 at 5:35 am

    Hi Ladies,
    I’m feeling interested and curious about something..
    I haven’t tried online dating before. I feel anxious and excited about the possibility.
    I’m feeling curious about how much easier online dating made it for you girls to have more men putting their hands up for your rotations?

    At the moment walking around in my life, I feel satisfied when I experience an exchange with a man and can feel his masculine energy.
    I was out having coffee with my mother the other day and we were standing together at the counter ordering. A man around my age was taking our order and I relaxed into my body and my environment and just looked at him.
    I loved how it felt to just look at him. I wasn’t trying to make him look at me, I didn’t try to anchor him with my gaze. He was just in front of me so I let my gaze wander over his bluey green eyes and his brow bones up to his blonde hair. His sharp strong cheekbones and I liked how it felt to look at his bone structure and notice the way his jaw line looked so angular compared to what I see when I look in the mirror. I felt a bit of a thrill rush through me when I noticed this.
    I didn’t feel anxious, or compelled to do something or even grin at him, nor did I feel in ‘acting around males mode’. I didn’t say anything I just calmly watched- I watched him, I watched the coffees being poured, I watched my mother pointing at something she wanted to order. His gaze kept flicking back to me and when we sat down my mother who hadn’t been watching me commented on how he was flirting with me. He had gotten caught up with his words a little bit. I liked how it felt to listen to his voice.
    I felt flushed and suddenly annoyed. He hadn’t said two words to me. I felt angry that he didn’t verbally engage me or ask me out.
    I have been having interactions with men that feel good, but I have been having no dates- the traditional sense of the word. Men asking me out to places.
    It feels so bad when I focus on it not happening.
    And I remembered Rori’s reccommendation of being on 4 dating sites somewhere in her videos.
    So as someone who’s never tried it, I’d love to hear what a difference online dating made to anyone’s dating rotation?
    Did the numbers go up?

    Regardless, I’m enjoying reading the comments, thank you ladies for posting.

    Love HeartBeat



  106.  #106Emerson on February 20, 2016 at 8:42 am

    Hi sirens
    I’m sorry to the sirens who feel sad and are struggling right now.
    I feel lonely.
    Lonely for male company, for family. For my long lost friends. For my sisters. So many people who I miss and they are too busy and lives have changed.
    But I also feel good too. I feel like I’m on the right path. I took a new job that pays really well. I don’t like the job that much. But it’s helping me financially right now and that is good. I’m looking for my next job already and it may take me a while to find that…
    Meanwhile I have good pay and I can leverage myself for a better future ….
    I have simple dreams that I’ve kept out of reach for myself…. Why?
    A vision board is in order….



  107.  #107Tereana on February 20, 2016 at 10:24 am

    Lovergirl (69) – yes! Men DO have a big fantasy about women getting it on with each other. It’s like, one woman is great. Two women, who are turned on by each other…it must Increase the turn-on factor for the men exponentially or something. Idk.

    Anyway, it sounds like this is something he wants to do to get closer to you – to share his fantasies and be more turned on and vulnerable with YOU. You have some trepidation about this, and I think it’s worth asking why.

    You had mentioned doing an almost-3-some once, and that it did not go well. Why? What specifically went wrong? You also said you see it as a “recipe for disaster”? Again, why is that? What disaster?

    I’m not asking because these aren’t real reasons. I’m asking so that you can get real specific about EXACTLY what it is that bothers you. Is it because you feel insecure with another woman in the room? Is there a fear that he will find her more attractive or even fall in love with her? Is that what happened before?

    Maybe what you want (and I’m guessing here) is to feel more closeness with just him, more security with just him. And if you felt that, maybe you could explore with other people and maybe not. But if you are VERY open and honest with him about why you feel the way you do, that might just give him some of the closeness (I’m guessing) he wants with you.

    (And PS on the threesome thing: I’m pretty sure the other woman in the room isn’t what’s important. It’s you being turned on that he wants. That’s the fantasy. Try operating on that assumption, rather than that there is something wrong or missing in your relationship – if that is a thought that you’ve had)



  108.  #108Liquid Light on February 20, 2016 at 1:00 pm

    Millie 97

    Yes, just do it when you are ready…it will be the perfect time!

    PS: Regarding 101, I do think its a bit humorous (hope you aren’t offended) that you write about not having any male attention so often but yet there are men flirting with you and clamoring for your attention all the time!:)



  109.  #109Millie on February 20, 2016 at 3:08 pm

    Liquid Light– Haha, yessss I know I’m a bit of a hypocrite, choosing to focus on the people that aren’t in front of me and judging my attractiveness by their lack of action rather than the people who are, in any capacity, whether its a glance, a moment, a conversation. I’m going to try to only notice what IS and not what ISNT.



  110.  #110Liquid Light on February 20, 2016 at 5:56 pm

    Millie 106 That’s great. This one shift could make a huge difference in your life!



  111.  #111Helena Hart on February 20, 2016 at 6:28 pm

    Millie – 97 – Great!! Here’s the info for my teleclass on Thursday:

    http://helenahartcoaching.com/3-keys-to-attract-the-man-you-want-free-live-training-this-thursday/

    Hope to see all you beautiful sirens there! 🙂

    Love, Helena



  112.  #112Helena Hart on February 20, 2016 at 6:36 pm

    HeartBeat – 102 – I would definitely recommend online dating if you’re looking for more men to practice the tools with! It made a HUGE difference for me and I actually met my wonderful husband online (several of my clients met their husbands online as well!). 🙂

    It can really be a fun experience when you’re using Rori’s tools. I’d say give it a shot!

    Love, Helena



  113.  #113Rori Raye on March 16, 2016 at 11:13 am

    Cori – absolutely! If you’re not interested in the men who show up – that’s the key here…clearly, right now, this is what you want – no intimacy. This is where coaching helps, because everything is so specific for you, and this fantastic community can help you tremendously…Love, rori



  114.  #114Carole on April 17, 2016 at 9:02 am

    Hi Rori
    Im really struggling at present, i met the most amazing man and to begin with i felt so happy, as time passed we jumped quickly into talk about living together, marriage etc which was exciting and scary, however part way through we discovered that i earn a substantial more to him and i feel that ever since then he has been slowly pulling back and almost pushed himself out of the relationship, i have been asked so many times – why would you want to be with someone like me, we are not equal and sadly on Wednesday he ended it saying it wasn’t working (he isn’t wrong there) but i feel it can all be corrected if he stopped thinking and just went back to feeling with his heart and believe me when i say i choose him, no one else him, because i fell in love with everything about him and money is nothing. Since then i have received txt from him saying he is thinking of me and he has tried to call and that he can’t sleep and i feel utterly confused. The day he ended it, i said we need to cut contact, as if there was a chance we can start again, it would only be after some space and if he wants to call to ask me out on a date and he agreed with me and said he would and that he would call in a week and ask me out bowling. I am trying to put one foot in front of the other but the snippets of him being in touch is breaking my heart as i miss him and just want to run after him.. not doing anything is torture. I know that he ended it, so he has to come back to me, but when he face timed yesterday i feel so guilty that i missed the call and haven’t called him back which would be the norm, but i guess he could have sent a txt or left a voice message by calling if he really wanted to get me.. I’m really struggling with doing nothing and fear doing nothing won’t bring him back…
    help
    carole