Forget the Pretty Box and Soar – Allana Pratt

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This is from Allana Pratt – just came into my mailbox, and I loved it:

*** My Intern’s my Teacher

On my LIVE webcast last night I was coached by my intern and another show host.

We were talking about this one show host who gets hate mail from men because he reveals the truth about men who are unconscious. I began to talk about how I teach women to be the space for men to show up consciously, in their nobility, not to call them on their insecurity and instead invite them to be their best.

Then it was pointed out to me by my fabulous amazing inspiring and wise intern that I was assuming the man wanted to grow, wanted the relationship to work, wanted a deeper connection and fabulous relationship.

It donned on me that I’ve been focusing on making my relationship with my ex husband work and he isn’t actually interested in a healthy working honoring relationship with me… if he was, I’D STILL BE MARRIED TO HIM! What a huge A-HA!

And so I’m focusing all this effort on making it work, frustrated that it doesn’t and I could simply let him behave as he chooses (with boundaries of course) yet place my focus on MY GREAT LIFE, MY SUCCESS, MY LOVE, MY JOY and stop judging him for not wanting to play my game with me.

Maybe this is completely obvious to you, but given I have to see him so regularly, I couldn’t think of another option other than consistently working on things with him. What would be possible in my life if I showed up fully regardless of circumstances? Shined fully, succeeded massively regardless if he was nasty or nice?

I felt my sexy factor amplify and my sensuality deepen and my power expand.

Delicious.

So, try this out in your life:

1. Let go of having to have Life fit in a pretty box.

2. Put on some luscious blinders to the B.S. in your life.

3. Re-focus on your passions that are yearning to move in you, as you, through you.

4. Give yourself permission to soar regardless of circumstances.

Be Sexy. Be Whole. Be You.

Deliciously yours, Allana

Note from me: You can join Allana live on Wednesday nights at 7pm PST here: – http://www.minglemediatv.com/AllanaPrattLive.html, and get her free newsletters, reports and videos on her site www.AllanaPratt.com

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228 Comments

  1.  #1danae on May 1, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    great post!

    I can relate to Allana’s AH HA! moment – I’ve been having those moments in relation to my ex husband too… and have figured out a way to not have to keep relating to him – he now picks the children up from school on a friday night and returns them to school on a monday morning. I don’t have to see him or speak to him at all – perfect!

    I spent 20 years of my life (from age 19) trying to ‘make things right’ between us. Early on it was for me, much later on for the children. Now I give up on that ever happening,

    My focus is on honoring myself and my children.

    It feels so good to be free of the burden and responsibility of ‘a difficult ex husband’. It feels better to let the children have a relationship with their dad without the tension between their parents.

    it feels great to be honouring myself and living my life according to my own plan and not in relation to the circumstances created by past decisions.

    thanks for the opportunity to get that even clearer Rori

    d x



  2.  #2Soignée on May 1, 2010 at 11:04 pm

    It is one of the best posts for me forever.
    Yes, it is the truest truth. We think sometimes we depend on someone’s love. But imagine if there would be noone to love me, how can I live without it? I realized I want to be happy regardless of if there will be someone making me happy or not.
    I will survive, and I will give me the love I crave for, from me. This love can be eternal, because me will be always with me, the people can change, they can come into my life and they can leave. But I will always remain with me. So I will be the source of love for me. In the first place. And as soon as I will give me much, much, much love, I will stop to look for it in other people. So I will automatically be indipendent on other people. I won’t care if they want to make me happy or not. Because I will be happy. So I will be automatically very attractive to other people. Because I am indipendent on them, I am a source of love. And they will look after me, they will want to be near me, in my presence. I will have this magic and je-ne-sais-quoi.
    It is my ideal scenario I am working at.
    To fill me with so much love that it overfloats, that there is so much of it that that I can be in my presence not requiring anything from others.
    And to be in this position, I have to concentrate on me, to fill me with every possible happy experience, to bathe in love. I believe there are some mental exercises and Rori gives us some tools for it: to create imagines of happiness, abundance in our heads and hearts, to experience happiness inside, dreaming, imagining, living, loving. Like after sleeping and dreaming a great dream, when I awake and feel the happiness after waking up. I am looking for beautiful happy thoughts around, I am collecting them, because they give me an emotion of peace and happiness and kindness and love.
    I am getting a collector of beautiful emotions.
    Thank you for this post.



  3.  #3mary on May 2, 2010 at 12:41 am

    Hello Soignee!

    So nice to hear from you! Thank you. Your thoughts are beautiful.

    You’re a wise woman.



  4.  #4mary on May 2, 2010 at 12:59 am

    I had coffee with R tonight. I happened in on him at a dancing place, turned around and left when I saw him, and he followed me out and wanted to have coffee.

    We talked. And he told me that having to break up with me was the most disappointing thing that has ever happened in his life.

    I feel so sad. I feel like crying. My heart feels heavy and tight.

    I’m doing No Contact with him, and tonight when the moment came to say “NO,” I said “YES” and walked with him to the coffee shop. Whaaaaaaaa? What happened to me?

    It’s like when I’m on a diet, and I’m out, and I suddenly realize that you just ate a piece of chocolate cake and it’s too late to have will power! The deciding moment was a while back, and I wasn’t even present for it!

    So…

    I just have to go on from here.

    Get back on the yellow brick road, and… off! to see the wizard.



  5.  #5mary on May 2, 2010 at 1:01 am

    I meant I suddenly realize that “I” just ate a piece of chocolate cake…



  6.  #6mary on May 2, 2010 at 1:22 am

    Hmmmma… Soignee. I’m looking for some of those happy thoughts.



  7.  #7dawn on May 2, 2010 at 4:35 am

    I resonate with this so well. Ive often felt that the trying to get some peace of mind or to try to feel better about somethig thats just so draining really should be left alone. I think its OK . It always feels like boy energy ,trying to fix ,explain etc…… This just reinforses the leanback attitude for me.Thanks



  8.  #8mary on May 2, 2010 at 9:32 am

    Yes, so I came home from my experience last night and read this post and realized that I was wanting R to want what I wanted. And the energy spent on wanting him to be different than he was was monumental. And what if I spent that energy on propelling myself forward?

    Sort of a Byron Katie thought.

    I must admit that I was sad anyway. But it was good for my mind to refocus.

    With all of our feelings happening (unbidden) and all the things going on in our unconscious minds, thank goodness we can choose our thoughts and dwell on them! I think this is key to developing personality. Even our thoughts will drift here and there unless we make a concerted effort to take charge of them.

    I woke up today with more clarity, less heavy feelings and some energy!

    Yay!

    Pick myself up, dust myself off and one foot forward!



  9.  #9Lucy on May 2, 2010 at 11:47 am

    “I could simply let him behave as he chooses (with boundaries of course) yet place my focus on MY GREAT LIFE, MY SUCCESS, MY LOVE, MY JOY and stop judging him for not wanting to play my game with me.”

    Yep. 🙂 That’s exactly the realization I had about a year ago regarding my ex-h, and it changed EVERYTHING for me! He has been chasing me ever since. Haha! He says I must have magnetized him or put a spell on him. Now he mows the lawn, does yard work, brings me stuff, gives me money, etc. and I don’t mind at all having him around cuz I have let go of any expectations or hopes. He is who he is.

    Furthermore, because of this change in my attitude, I am able to actually love him and accept him now — no judging him for anything he does or doesn’t do — and I hold no anger, bitterness, or any other uncomfortable feelings. Before this I would have secretly or to friends called him all sorts of names which most people would say he deserved, but now, I truly love him and accept him too much to even THINK about calling him any names!

    Such an amazing and liberating change!

    And HE didn’t change a bit! — it was just ME changing!

    Good stuff, Rori and Alanna! Thanks!



  10.  #10mary on May 2, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    Wow Lucy! That is so AMAZING. I’m glad to hear your story.



  11.  #11Brenda on May 2, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    In her CDs, Rori described the relationship as a ball and chain. She says to simply let go, let it drop on the floor and roll across the floor, uncontrolled. It is the MAN’s job to pick it up and carry it, not mine as a woman. That really helped. This tending-to-be-house-denmother does that all too much. I find that I have to drop it again and again.

    Alanna, I appreciate your use of adjectives, and you put such enthusiasm into your luscious words! 🙂



  12.  #12diamond on May 2, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    This was such a good post.

    I have a situation where after many years of marriage I had to admit I hated penetrative sex because it is so painful for me. After much discussion (yes I’ve been to so many doctors and it’s rooted I think in the severe sexual abuse I suffered as a child), we decided not to anymore.

    Before this my husband went through many years of depression which is getting somewhat better, so our relationship had been poor to begin with. But now I see that he treated me the way I liked in the past not out of love for me but because that was the way one gets a woman to sleep with you. If you see my meaning.

    And of course now that this isn’t possible (he doesn’t see sex without penetration as “real sex” so that option is out), any kind of interaction other than lukewarm side hugs, pecks on the cheek, and the obligatory flowers on legislated “romantic” holidays has disappeared.

    We have talked about things so much. We do care about each other, and we would never break up our family, but I feel such intense grief at times. Not only for wanting someone who loves me for me, not for what he can get from me, but for losing what I thought was someone who did just that, and come to find out it was just an immature boy’s manipulation the whole time.

    But I have the booklet and the Siren course (which I need to do more of, I’ve been slacking), and all of you here. This has helped me so much, even though I don’t post often. Instead of frantically trying to win his love I lean back sometimes. I picture the man I want on my horse. Who knows, my husband may become him. Or perhaps he may decide to look elsewhere and opt out. In any case, it can only lead to good to help myself, right?

    I give myself permission to succeed, to thrive, to soar — regardless of circumstances.



  13.  #13Brenda on May 2, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    So my new gravatar finally shows up, just as you sirens have me convinced to let Ryan go completely. Oh well, there we are, with the Statue of Liberty in the background. Of course you can’t see that when the pic is so tiny. He wears his hair long and it’s in a pony tail here. I miss him still. I am really letting him go, tho. Feeling lighter and stronger, and I haven’t contacted him…



  14.  #14Apple Jacks on May 2, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    Diamond, I feel you when you say that penetrative sex is painful for you. I have only experienced it once in my entire life, and the “penetration” just could not happen because it hurt so much and I kept scream, tightening and lcosing my legs. I was lucky not have experienced the abuse you have though. 🙁 Despite this fact you and I are sisters on that front.

    Brenda, I empathize on how hard it is to let someone you’re so attached to go. My strength was multiplied since I posted here and I can honestly say I am making strides in my own situation with my lover boy and journey to let him go. I still think about him, but baby steps. 🙂 You and I are sisters on that front, too.



  15.  #15Brenda on May 2, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    I went out with Daryl Friday night! He’s the one who’s strictly a friend, who I’ve been acquainted with about 20 yrs or so. He has been dating my friend, Marilyn, for about 1.5 yrs, about the same amount of time I was dating Ryan. So I’ve gotten to know him better, and we’ve spent a lot of time hanging out at our community center, and I’ve gone out to eat a few times with Marilyn and Daryl together. They just broke up for about the 5th time about a week ago.

    We agreed to meet at Ruby Tuesday’s, and I told him he could give me a call when he arrived, cuz he was coming from a further distance. He called, asking if I was inside.
    I said “no”, getting out of my car. “I’m walking across their sidewalk. Are you inside?”
    “Yes.”
    “Okay, I’ll be right there.” I looked all around inside for him but couldn’t find him. As I walked back towards the entrance, he was just coming in.
    He laughed, as if it was a joke. After we sat down, he explained that he didn’t know if I was standing him up, since I’m friends with Marilyn. I said, “NO!! I’d never do that! Sure, Marilyn is my friend, but so are you! I feel bad that you thought I would do that.”

    The moment passed, and we ordered. He’s about 20 miles from intelligent and sensitive, which is why he is strictly friend material. He discussed laying linoleum, how heavy the furniture was he moved today.

    Normally I would feel, “Booooring!!!!” But I just felt compassion instead, and I decided to just be a friend to him, while practicing my relational skills. I swirled my fingers, played with my straw, and gave lots of feeling messages. I felt his awkwardness, and I helped him along here and there, introducing more interesting topics, like his dream to start a coffee house for socializing. I was careful to not lead him on with any feeling messages that were too heavy. Plus I’ve openly discussed my feelings for Ryan in front of him, but directed to Marilyn, in the past. So I felt good about not leading him on while getting to practice and feel feminine.

    At the end, he reached out his arm like he was going to hug me, then instantly pulled it in, as if he were really giving a mock salute. Again, I felt his awkwardness, and I leaned in to return his hug, to assure him that hugs are welcome. He said he’d like to do it again, and I agreed.

    He called me the next night, Sat, and I didn’t get his message until late night, so I called back this (Sun) afternoon. He invited me to the community center, so I will go there tonight. He decided to go, even if Marilyn might be there, even tho he feels uncomfortable about seeing her right now.

    It feels good to have a male friend. I still haven’t gone on my new dating website to see if anyone’s responded to my post. My internet time is limited right now, and I have felt quite engrossed in Siren Island! You wonderful women have been making a major impact on my life! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!



  16.  #16Brenda on May 2, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    Apple Jacks, thank you! I feel much more strength here, too.

    I want you to know PHYSICALLY speaking (I am not addressing the sexual abuse here), our bodies are designed to expand greatly. I discovered this one evening a long time ago while pleasuring myself in the tub! I lay so the heavy stream of water from the faucet filled my Yoni, and it felt marvelous! I became increasingly aroused, and I realized how much more expanded my opening had become! Next thing I knew, I slid my hand inside! I haven’t done that before or since, but it taught me that as long as a man selflessly warms me up enough first, I will enjoy sex. Most men go too fast. I’ve learned to speak up about this, and sometimes I pleasure myself before I meet him if I know I’m going to have sex. Use plenty of lube too…I far prefer coconut oil. Melts at 83 degrees.



  17.  #17Apple Jacks on May 2, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    Brenda – Ummm…what’s a yoni???



  18.  #18Daria on May 2, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    Took first pregnacy test in Wholefood bathroom (12 days after sex)

    result: NOT pregnant!! yay!!



  19.  #19Rachel on May 2, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    Yay Daria! Hugs!



  20.  #20Apple Jacks on May 2, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    That’s wonderful news, Daria! I feel excited and relieved for you! 🙂 *claps hands*



  21.  #21heartbeat on May 2, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    Phew Daria – I feel relieved too! Hugs xx



  22.  #22heartbeat on May 2, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    Danae – love your website! Most recent post feels really relevant.



  23.  #23EarthDancer on May 2, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    Yay, Daria! I feel so happy that things turned out the way you wanted … *hugs*



  24.  #24Daria on May 2, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    THANK YOU!! yes. well you know I’ll be taking more but this is definitely heartening!
    hehe



  25.  #25Daria on May 2, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    Thanks Apple Jacks. I feel surprised and happy. hehe.

    I feel ashamed of that now.
    i love my shame i love my happyiness.

    i lvoe all of me

    i feel such intensity it could be anger but it’s not

    it feels like a huge powerful swelling in me that is go go go

    i love my goo go gooo

    i love my huge powerful swelling

    i feel surprisedddddd



  26.  #26Daria on May 2, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    oops other thread



  27.  #27mary on May 2, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    On Wednesday I’m going out with J, who’s WAY younger. He’s one of those guys from my Craigslist adventure, and I really love talking with him on the phone. I’m gonna to declare JUST FRIENDS and pay for myself!

    What do you think?



  28.  #28EternalOptimist on May 2, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    Apple Jacks,
    “yoni” is vagina.



  29.  #29Daria on May 2, 2010 at 8:26 pm

    Mary – NO. Do not pay for yourself. Circular Date and practice the tools… even with a guy friend.



  30.  #30Liz on May 2, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    Hi Rori,

    I purchased your program recently and have finished reading the 4 disks.

    Maybe I am too stupid… I still kinda stuck and would like to get some advice from you…

    Here is my situation:

    I have been seeing this guy for almost a year now. He is a single dad with 3 kids, so he works very hard to support them. We went for a trip last summer and he has been talking about a 2nd trip with me for almost half year now and that never happen.

    Last week, I said it’s almost a year since we first dated, let’s plan a trip. He said he loved the idea and will plan it. That night, I sent him a message using the feeling message, I said “I feel so happy that you feel the same way, but at the same time, I feel scared, I scared I am setting myself up for another disappointment again.”, he text back “No disappointments”. so I was very happy and went to bed. The next morning, I woke up seeing a message from him, “My problem right now is $, I paid $2000 in repairs and it left me broke. I suck”, the message was sent 3am in the morning. I guess it took him a lot to send me that message, that’s why it was sent so early in the morning… but not sure…

    What should I do?

    Thanks,
    Liz



  31.  #31Rori Raye on May 2, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    Liz – Welcome – and there is so much more to this than a “trip.” If he doesn’t have the money, he doesn’t have the money. You could be married for years and not have the money to leave work for a vacation and pay for a trip. The question is – where are you with what you want relationship-wise? Love, Rori



  32.  #32Liz on May 2, 2010 at 10:40 pm

    Thank you so much for the quick response Rori!

    I am so tired of waiting for him in this relationship… I wanted to end it a few months back. Just don’t know what to say to him… I don’t want to make him feel bad…

    And I actually like another guy more, but they are friends… so I am hesitate to start with this other guy… I really suck in dealing with relationships… I am so bad in communicating to them with what I want.

    Thanks again for your help Rori!



  33.  #33mary on May 3, 2010 at 12:18 am

    I simply have a hard time with the money part. The guy on Friday told me he was bankrupt last year, and that he has coffee every OTHER day, so I felt bad letting him pay for my dinner, but I did.

    Island Man asked me out for a date, but has yet to confirm. It’s expensive getting here! I’m sure he’s wondering how to handle it, because I let him pay for the art gallery when we went out the first time.

    And now I’d really like to be friends with this younger guy, but not date him. It doesn’t seem appropriate to let him pay. I can practice the tools without doing that…

    This financial stuff is hard for me. On just one coffee date a month ago, I stood there while l waited for the guy to pay for my hot chocolate, and he did not have much cash with him, so he was counting pennies at the till, and then we sat down at the table. He said, “You’re not from around here, are you?” And I said, “No, I’m from Texas.” and he said, “Ohhhhhhhhhhh.” Because all the women here pay for themselves…

    !!



  34.  #34mary on May 3, 2010 at 12:56 am

    I’m waiting for Island Man to confirm our date. On Wednesday he emailed and said he’d like to see me “next week.” I’m booking up! Don’t know what to do! I’m hiding my profile until I hear from him. I’m giving him until Wednesday to contact me, then I’m going to go ahead and book for the weekend…

    This is fun.



  35.  #35mary on May 3, 2010 at 12:58 am

    Oh.

    I still feel the sting of rejection that I feel every time I see R, or have any kind of communication with him. He’s so back and forth! And flirty and non-committal.

    He’s like poison in my veins. Just a shot of it and I’m down for days…

    Oh.



  36.  #36mary on May 3, 2010 at 1:03 am

    Some GREAT DATES coming up this week! I am very excited!

    Did I use this analogy before? Don’t know, but I keep thinking about it.

    My brothers and I used to throw twigs into the river from the bridge, and some of the twigs would make it down the river, and some would get stuck in the eddies or caught in some brush or behind a log. We’d never know which ones would go where, and we used to speculate on them. That was the fun of it…

    These days of drumming up interest and going on so many first dates kind of reminds me of throwing those twigs over and wondering which ones would make it down the river. I have no idea at this point which guys will ask me out again, or will strike my fancy, or that I’ll end up spending lots of time with!

    It’s exhilarating to think about…

    I’m enjoying this time.



  37.  #37mary on May 3, 2010 at 1:05 am

    Some day, instead of staying up late at night with Rori’s blog, I’ll be curled up next to my man and we’ll be doing pillow talk.

    I’m looking forward to that day while enjoying you sirens on the blog now!

    It’s all fun.



  38.  #38mary on May 3, 2010 at 1:05 am

    Okay, good night. Sleep tight. Sweet dreams…



  39.  #39Linda on May 3, 2010 at 5:13 am

    Mary… I feel you here. Just a shot and I am down for days.

    I used to feel that way about S. We would part ways, usually at his iniating. Then he would come back, flirty… dangling a commitment carrot. All talk and no action is all I can say. It used to work on me. I hate the fact that I would let him “push those buttons” in me. He would say the right things, do the right things and I would begin to believe that things would be different. Alas though it soon was the same thing over and over. Just like what I remember reading about you and R. I totally get it and have lived it.

    I feel the need to really understand me right not. I am inspired and again aroused by this post… The thought that …”I could simply let a man behave as he chooses (with boundaries of course) yet place my focus on MY GREAT LIFE, MY SUCCESS, MY LOVE, MY JOY and stop judging him for not wanting to play my game with me.”….

    and NOW is am challanged with this….

    “What would be possible in my life if I showed up fully regardless of circumstances? Shined fully, succeeded massively regardless if a man was nasty or nice, accepting or rejecting”?

    Maybe, just maybe things are like they are in my life because of my perceptions or assumptions or insecurities. I find leaning back sometimes very frustrating. It feels like I am giving too much control to someone else. I know that leaning back is not the same as holding back but.. if I dont “speak up” about what is going on in my head and heart and “do up” (give myself permission to do things too) I feel FAKE and the thought occured to me after reading this post that if I showed up all the time…. things would definately shift, even in a difficult situation like I encounted with S.

    I think that if I did that, even in the presence of a man like S… I would have felt my sexy factor amplify and my sensuality deepen and my power expand. I want to be ME irreguardless of what my circumstances and surroundings.

    Linda



  40.  #40Simply Shannon on May 3, 2010 at 6:52 am

    Lucy, I had the same experience as you regarding my ex husband. I no longer feel angry with him. I can see how I fell in love with him, i.e. I can see the “old” him that I loved in the beginning. It almost feels kind of scary. I wouldn’t want him back because of certain things (no job for TWO years now, not responsible, etc.) but I can see him again.

    I should use him as my gold standard for how circular dating should feel. When I’m not with him, I do not think of him at all. I don’t worry about him or wonder what he’s thinking. I have to maintain a relationship with him but I’m not all that worried about pissing him off with whatever I might say.

    Hmmm. Interesting. My ex husband as my muse for Circular Dating. hahahahahahahaha!



  41.  #41Triza on May 3, 2010 at 8:06 am

    Its been a while since i posted but i have been reading along and loving the posts.
    I met with one of my circular dating guyz and i’ve really been having a great time with him.So much is coming up and it feels scary but great at the same time.It does feel good to have a guy treat you right and express love and compassion.Deep down i really have a good feeling about him and i love the way he takes care of me and is eager to please me….
    I wouldn’t have believed it if anyone would have told me i’d be dating and enjoying myself like i am now….I Feel grateful for everything i have learnt and more so for allowing myself to open up and experience the love that has always been around me…
    I don’t know how far it’l go with this guy,and it doesn’t matter….It feels more that what i had searched for from relationships and romance was always right inside of me.Always here….It is my very own nature and it does feel great to realize that.Hugs



  42.  #42mary on May 3, 2010 at 8:17 am

    Hi Simply Shannon,

    I like your gold standard. It’s kind of like borrowing from the future! Using yesterday’s victory to envision tomorrow’s peace and claiming that peace today.

    I like it.



  43.  #43mary on May 3, 2010 at 8:18 am

    Ooooooooh, it’s raining buckets and I’m going on the walk I had planned anyway!

    I love myself for keeping my commitment to myself.



  44.  #44dorothea on May 3, 2010 at 8:35 am

    I am feeling really disappointed in myself and made a motivation poster to celebrate! Click on my username to see it;).

    Ohh, sometimes you just gotta be a fuckin clown when you’re feeling bad.



  45.  #45Rachel on May 3, 2010 at 8:59 am

    Mary,

    I like your twig analogy. It feels so freeing to simply be curious about where things will go… instead of trying to force or guide them into a certain path! I’m going to hold onto that word picture this week!

    I feel happy that you have a week of great dates ahead! You inspire me!

    Keep us posted!



  46.  #46Linda on May 3, 2010 at 9:25 am

    HA HA

    I can say that I feel the same way about my ex-husband.

    A muse for how I should be with then other men that come along in my life.

    Is is possible to do that with someone you care for and want a relationship with?

    Hmmmm I wonder.

    Linda



  47.  #47Siena on May 3, 2010 at 9:26 am

    sigh. I just got winked at by my dream guy on Match. I feel excited and really apprehensive! This is the type of guy I spent 5 years trying to make it work with, and here it is again. I’m still in my CD phase, just listening for messages. If things progress and he asks me out, will I be able to stay on my bridge? sigh. I’m not gonna think about it. I feel lightheaded. I love my apprehension and lightheadedness!



  48.  #48mary on May 3, 2010 at 10:23 am

    way to go Siena!

    no word this morning from Island Man! and he just hid his profile. i wonder what that means? i’m giving him until Wednesday.

    i must keep the focus on me and what i need to do today. today! this beautiful day!

    there was a huge rainbow outside earlier. i took a picture of it and sent it to the Owner of my condo. she’s gonna retire here in a few years.

    now, to get proactive about ME…



  49.  #49Brenda on May 3, 2010 at 10:48 am

    Apple Jacks, RE: #17 – Yoni (Sanskrit: योनि yoni) means “source or origin of life”. The ancient Vedas contain the word yoni in various contexts. The meaning of the word expanded, and got a secondary meaning “Divine Passage”. A child was considered to be born from a yoni of stars – constellations that prevailed during the child birth. The Aryans had identified some 50,000 astrological yonis that favour a child’s birth. The term yoni was also used in agricultural references by the Aryans. A ‘fertile yoni’ meant a good harvest of crops.

    The yoni is also considered to be symbolic of Shakti or Devi in Hindu Tantra.

    Hehe! It’s a euphemism for vagina, as someone already responded above. I also like the one for penis:

    Lingam: The Sanskrit word for the male sexual organ is Lingam and is loosely translated as “Wand of Light.” In Tantra or Sacred Sexuality, the Lingam is respectfully viewed and honored, as a “Wand of Light” that channels creative energy and pleasure.

    I learned those terms in information about tantric massage, and they were also introduced in one of Rori’s programs – either Modern Siren or Commitment Blueprint. I prefer those terms.



  50.  #50Rachel on May 3, 2010 at 10:51 am

    I have a mess on my hands. One of my CD guys just figured out that I’m taking a trip this weekend to see my guy. I have told him all along that I’m seeing other people…

    Anyway, he’s been pouring out lots of love and attention my way, saying we’re soul mates, talking about the future, etc. I’ve been careful not to lead him on, but to only respond with what I’m feeling in the moment.

    Now he feels super betrayed and is furious and devastated. Ugh!

    Any ideas?



  51.  #51Brenda on May 3, 2010 at 11:02 am

    Rachel,

    Hi! Maybe this?…

    “I feel weird about this. I feel I’ve been open all along how I want to keep my options open for now. I care about you, and I am not ready to make a commitment.”

    I believe Rori talks about this on Commitment Blueprint…near the end. It can be sticky, but you’ve been up front with him from the door. Best wishes!



  52.  #52Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 11:03 am

    That IS funny, Shannon! That’s true of my ex-h too. 🙂 Haha, my muse!



  53.  #53Brenda on May 3, 2010 at 11:14 am

    I gave a goodbye power speech to Ryan in the middle of the night last night. Sunday all evening I was struggling to the extreme to not text or call him, wanting to spend time with him. I kept myself around people and away from home in order to distract myself from him. Even so, I had his number on the screen of my phone several times. I resisted contacting him half second by half second.

    Finally in the middle of the night, I felt clear what to do/say. All along, I have leaned forward WAAAAYYY too much. I simply lacked the self-control to respect his boundaries and to apply the Rori Raye tools.

    I have made serious relational blunders. I felt a need for some level of damage control, along with some closure. I feel like I have been giving him too much control, simply by my feeling messages of missing him, and that as long as I keep letting him know I miss him and want more of him in my life, I am opening my heart to ongoing hurt.

    I feel somewhat empowered and back in control of my life now, because I shut my heart’s door when I texted him this late last night:

    Ryan, I’m holding out for a man who will not only listen to me and understand me, but who will also love me and care about my feelings.

    I want a man who makes every day lady’s day, and doesn’t just talk about it but really does it.

    I want a man who loves me as much as I love him.

    I want to be cherished.

    I want a man who says what he’s going to do and then does it.

    I want a man who freely shares his thoughts and feelings.

    I will always love you and miss you.

    I want all those things in a relationship with a man who’s not scared of the word “relationship.”

    I will always pray for you.

    I feel such a deep, painful grief for losing all the beauty, joy, and harmony we shared.

    I have been processing that grief since last July.
    I let it go. Goodbye.

    How do you feel about what I wrote to him? Considering that I have been way to forward-leaning, is it appropriate that I repositioned by going the opposite direction?

    I asked myself, “Am I really saying goodbye? Or am I hoping he’ll step up?” I’m hoping he’ll step up. But in the meantime, if he chooses not to, I have let him go and totally left the ball in his court. I feel sad, and I feel more content. If I text him or call him after this, I am more than unwise. So this helps me leave it for real. I miss him so much my heart literally aches. I gave him so much of myself last year.



  54.  #54Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 11:33 am

    Siena — I feel curious what makes him your “dream guy” — you haven’t met yet, right? So I feel genuinely curious about what leads you to feel that way.

    All — I keep reading on here about Sirens meeting great guys who they really like …. but in 8 months I haven’t even met ONE guy who I like enough to even consider as “the one.” I have had tons of dates, chatted online with tons more . . . but no one really appeals to me.

    I have even searched the dating site to see if there are attractive guys who have not contacted me, but there aren’t any within a 3 hour radius. (And by “attractive” I mean guys who have at least ONE thing that piques my interest.)

    Do I seriously need to move to a different town? Is there any other solution?

    Help!



  55.  #55Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 11:36 am

    Wow, Brenda. (((Hugs)))

    I would want to try to unattach myself from the outcome, as hard as that is.

    <3
    Lucy



  56.  #56Siena on May 3, 2010 at 11:37 am

    Lucy, great question!

    He’s my dream guy in the sense that he’s the kind of man (on paper) that I would dream about marrying when I was a little girl.

    But Rori says (and she’s totally right), that I shouldn’t focus on what he is on paper, but how he treats me.

    That’s why I feel lightheaded and feel a little afraid. Because I know from experience that – all things being equal – I will be immediately attracted to him if I meet him. But I will have to not let that throw me off my bridge. I will have to lean back and open my heart and be able to discern how he is TREATING me. Not what he looks like, or what he says he is or any of those other things.

    I know I’m getting way ahead of myself. So I’ll just rest in how I’m feeling right now, which is triggered and lightheaded.



  57.  #57mary on May 3, 2010 at 11:42 am

    Hello Rachel,

    I don’t know. Circular dating is brilliant, but it isn’t magic. I’m kinda wondering where my cutoff point will be. You know? I mean, I probably won’t be circular dating when I’ve got the guy of my dreams courting me, sporting me and talking into the future with me, unless he’s showing signs of vacillating.

    It’s a tool.

    Not a lifestyle.

    Maybe there’s a point where we’re taking on so much dogma and doctrine and rules and regulations that we’re not being ourselves?

    It seems to me, from listening to Rori, (and Rori, please correct me if I’m wrong!) that she got to a point in her life where nothing was working, so somehow she was able to just GIVE UP and START OVER and NOT CARE AS MUCH ANYMORE.

    And then she became a man magnet.

    The not caring is what gave her the diva status.

    But the not caring doesn’t last forever! And it isn’t there if you’ve got a great guy on the hook! Great guys are to be treated with respect and love, in my opinion. Time for the diva persona to diminish just a bit… but to keep the mystery and the mystique alive… maybe by just being busy, instead of playing him against other guys?

    Yes, we’re more attractive when everyone’s chasing us, but a guy must SOMEDAY feel that we’re gettable, that we might someday be his, and his alone. And he wants to be able to count on our ability to be exclusive before marriage, in order to know that we can be exclusive in a marriage. That’s probably what the engagement is all about… maybe courting is a winding down process. Lots of guys… lesser numbers of guys… two or three… one or two… one!

    It just seems to me that there’s a time for everything.

    Good luck with that…



  58.  #58mary on May 3, 2010 at 11:52 am

    And circular dating is a longer process than normal dating, which is so great! I’m so loving it. It takes time to pinpoint the right guy.

    And I’m working on not caring so much.

    Here’s how I’m working on that:

    Island Man? Yes, I’m looking for his email. I’m checking every thirty minutes and it’s driving me crazy! He’s been out of touch since Wednesday, when he asked me for a date “next week.”

    Now I’m gonna turn it around. How do I feel about him RIGHT NOW?

    Well, I feel:

    * insecure
    * like I don’t matter
    * overlooked
    * maybe discarded?
    * abandoned

    Okay, do I like feeling these things?

    No.

    Island Man = bad feelings at the moment.

    His job to turn it back around.



  59.  #59Rachel on May 3, 2010 at 11:52 am

    Wow… lots to think about in there Mary. Thank you.

    I feel horrible because the guy I’m hurting is probably better marriage material, but I feel more of a spark with the other one. I’ve been really afraid of hurting or losing this really good guy while I figure things out. I may have just done that.

    Sigh…



  60.  #60Siena on May 3, 2010 at 11:59 am

    Mary, I know what you mean, but I feel CD is actually both a tool AND a lifestyle.

    There comes a time when a great guy will step up with Happily Ever After, and so dinner, lunch, coffee dates with other men will stop.

    But the CD with men NEVER will stop for a Siren. There’s always the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker. And they are all CDs too!



  61.  #61mary on May 3, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    Maybe you could really talk to him? What would happen if you figured out beforehand the things you admired about him, and told him those things? What if you talked into the future just a bit, (“I can see us together one day! I know I’d be able to count on you!”) if it wasn’t leaning too forward for you, but then couched it with the the main girlfriend speech? And if you did that, you’d have to remember the “What do you think?” at the end. That would give him the chance to tell you exactly what he’s thinking right now…



  62.  #62mary on May 3, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    Oh, I see what you mean, Siena. Just flirting with everyone, all the time! And being happy about life and throwing smiles all around!

    Cool.



  63.  #63Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    Siena — I feel confused and frustrated (not by you but by what your words stirred up in me):

    “Because I know from experience that – all things being equal – I will be immediately attracted to him if I meet him.”

    Everyone here keeps telling me that I can’t possibly know that I would feel attracted to TN man in person. Yet you are saying you know you would be attracted to your winking dream man. *pout*

    What do you think?



  64.  #64Siena on May 3, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    Well, Lucy, of course you know who you would be attracted to before you meet him! Especially if you’ve dated lots of ‘types’ and have a type!

    But because I’m attracted and he’s my type and I’ve crashed and burned in the past with my type, I feel concerned that my type isn’t what’s good for my heart.

    Lucy, I’m gonna go out on a limb and tell you what I would do in your situation. I would make arrangements to go meet TN man. If I had leaned back as much as you have, and was still unable to get him out of my system, I would lean forward BIG time, make the arrangements, fly out to see him. I would do this so that I didn’t have a dream of a guy in the back of my mind (or heart). I would do this to show myself that I could. I would do this knowing full well that I would have certain expectations that might not come true.

    Rori’s website is called Have the Relationship You WANT. So I would do this knowing full well that he might not be able to give me the kind of relationship I WANT, but at least I would know, and wouldn’t have to wonder anymore. And I could cross him off my list and move on.

    …or maybe, I would realize that he can offer me the type of relationship I want, and then it’s all good.

    This would be experimental, and experiments fail sometimes. But every once in a while, they work out.

    …and with the guy who winked at me today, I’m not creating an imaginary relationship with him. I just know that I’ll be attracted if I meet him, and that feels a little scary. Can I handle being a Siren when I’m actually attracted!? One day I’ll have to… maybe it’s coming sooner than I anticipated!



  65.  #65Siena on May 3, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    I can hear Sirens screaming at me… NOOOOOOOO! No closure!!!

    But a diva revels in triggers, doesn’t she? This might create a HUGE trigger for me. And it would be more violent and more painful that the slow pining after someone that it is replacing, but if I have my Siren tools to be able to deal with it, it might be just what the Dr. ordered!



  66.  #66Daria on May 3, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    Siena – what a great idea!

    I leaned forward plenty of times in order to feel really bad and GET full out that leaning forward doesn’t work.

    I still do it.

    Like Rori say’s its one thing for eht mind to understand, but its a different thing to GET and FEEL.

    So even with this last man, Security, i leaned forward and drove to him, cuz i felt relaxed and good.

    and now i feel bad, because i got close so early due to spending time together… time that he hasn’t maintained once i got attached and now wanted MORE

    soo

    i feel sad

    i feel some heartache

    and i feel stronger about leaning back even more next time.



  67.  #67Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    WOW, Siena! I feel … so much right now! I feel surprised and shocked and scared and heard and cared for and validated and excited and scared and sparkly and scared and magical and scared and

    wow. Thank you for “going out on a limb”!

    I just cannot believe you are saying you would lean forward big time!

    I have felt that any time I even THINK about leaning forward in the slightest I get an earful on here.

    So it feels very WEIRD to hear this now. And scary and exciting.

    Did you read where I wrote that he actually moved to my state? So he is much closer than he was before (4 hours rather than 10). My daughter, without any influence from me, said, “Obviously he wants to meet you but he’s scared — that’s why he moved closer but still kinda far away.”

    And I think the same is true for me — I am scared too. So maybe both of us “manifested” him moving a little bit closer but still keeping a distance.

    Or maybe it means nothing.

    The other thing is, this is the first time EVER that he has a job inside a company, and it is a huge adjustment for him, so I wouldn’t expect him to be ready right now having just moved and started this job. He said he has been working nonstop to meet his first big project deadline.

    AND he has some asperger’s, which would make it even more overwhelming for him. And which would also explain his lack of pushing forward in a relationship where a woman is totally leaning back.

    BUT, I have lately been LETTING GO more and more.

    And now you say you would lean forward!!!

    I don’t know what to do now!!!

    I am sure if I listen to my heart and intuition I will know.

    But it feels AMAZING to hear you say these things! Makes me feel that IF I decide to lean forward, I will be SUPPORTED and not judged.

    A few months ago when we had talked about the possibility of meeting, I told him, “That would feel great because then I would know once and for all if it’s YOU I adore or just the IDEA of you!”

    He replied, “It’s both of course! 🙂 ”

    Sounds cocky, I know, but I like it.

    Thanks, Siena. I feel very grateful that you shared your thoughts and feelings about this!

    <3
    Lucy



  68.  #68Siena on May 3, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    Daria,

    “and now i feel bad, because i got close so early due to spending time together… time that he hasn’t maintained once i got attached and now wanted MORE”

    YES! That’s the lesson I’ve learned with leaning forward too. It can get me the guy, but NOT the type of relationship I want!

    And Lucy, I’m so glad you feel all those things! This is YOUR relationship, so no one can tell you how you should run it! How YOU feel in a relationship, and the kind YOU want, might be different (neither better nor worse, just DIFFERENT) than what another woman might want. That’s why it’s good to experiment!

    Oh – and – the reason why I would lean forward was because I HAVE! And it DID get me the guy! But I learned that it wasn’t what I actually wanted. But I would have rather known that than still believed that he was my guy if he wasn’t.

    I’m preaching to the choir -you know this stuff already 😉 I’m just reinforcing what you already know.



  69.  #69Siena on May 3, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    “But it feels AMAZING to hear you say these things! Makes me feel that IF I decide to lean forward, I will be SUPPORTED and not judged.”

    Oh Yes! And celebrated too! This is all about expanding, and creating, and experimenting and living! Getting out of stuckness, and finding the type of relationship you want! **YOU** want!!!



  70.  #70Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    Thanks, Siena. The thing that throws me off about all this is that, in MY experience, in the distant past, the times I have done things that would be considered leaning forward — it HAS gotten me what I wanted.

    Not just the guy, but the relationship I wanted.

    I never leaned forward constantly with a guy, just select incidents here and there, where, really, I was just following my heart and intuition, being myself, free and confident and curious and authentic.

    But reading stuff on here makes me scared to do that because everyone says it is doomed to fail. 🙁



  71.  #71Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    Maybe it is because I want a different type of relationship than most women on here????

    I want the type of relationship my parents have, and my son and his gf have, which Rori described in her ebook as a free-form dance with masculine and feminine energies flowing back and forth freely and fluidly between the man and the woman.

    Like children playing, a little boy and a little girl, free and natural. The girl wouldn’t always wait for the boy to say “wanna play?”

    What do you think?



  72.  #72Siena on May 3, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    Lucy, I would go for it, and let the chips fall where they may.

    This: “free-form dance with masculine and feminine energies flowing back and forth freely and fluidly between the man and the woman.” sounds ideal to me too, and it’s what I was striving for for a while too.

    I came to understand that it IS possible, but – for me – only in a solid, really intimate, adult relationship. Like, years and years down the road for me.

    I didn’t have any success starting off a relationship like that, because for me – whenever I leaned forward – it was me trying to control the relationship. Control is rooted in fear, and fear and love cannot exist in the same space. So, I chased away love by trying to mimic that type of relationship without having the inner maturity to be able to do it.

    So I understand now why I have to start – and maintain maybe for several years – a relationship where I am mostly in my feminine energy. First, I have to root out my control issues and my fears of intimacy, and then – possibly – that free form dance will be a possibility for me.

    But I agree with you that it is ideal!



  73.  #73Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    Siena — Are you gonna wink back at your dream man or wait for him to email?

    I feel excited for you — that maybe you ARE ready to be a siren with someone you feel attracted to after all the work you have done! <3



  74.  #74Siena on May 3, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    oh girl, I TOTALLY winked back! I’m interested!!!



  75.  #75Daria on May 3, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    I wanted free form dance too.

    Then as i practiced tools, i realized i had never been in my feminine energy. Now I THINK that well… as i get closer, i don’t want to miss being adored. not just casual cool, but ADored. wanted pursued. when i feel attached.

    i want the man to do these amazing things for me

    that wasnt even part of my imaginary reality before, i didnt even understand or see such a thing

    i wanted to be equal, two buddies,

    and that was cool

    being adored never even entered the picture,

    and now it has

    and i feel super glad

    hello half of world i didnt see before

    hello romance i used to push away

    i dont really know what my relationship looks like exactly

    but i am babystepping, and i want to feel powerful and adored yes. show me more universe.

    i feel triggered when lucy says… oh maybe i want something different. because that is what i wanted when i started.

    that is what i was used to seeing, i didnt SEE feminine, or masculine. and i was so attached to guywhohadababy

    this triggers me i want to yell. NO WE ALL WANT THAT

    we all want to be natural

    it IS natural for me to be what i am. my beingness has adjusted

    the be myself of before is differnt from th be myself of now

    and babysteps

    till being myself feels good and i find myself in the relationship i want



  76.  #76Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Oh, that’s interesting, Siena! The control and fear….

    For ME, leaning BACK feels more like control and rooted in fear! Hmmm, or more accurately, leaning back DURING TIMES WHEN MY HEART IS TELLING ME TO LEAN FORWARD feels like I am trying to control the relationship by following the rule of leaning back and I am doing it because I feel afraid that if I lean forward I will mess it up.

    And there are other times when I feel the urge to lean forward and KNOW IN MY HEART that the urge is coming from fear and a desire to control the outcome — and I know that if I lean forward in THOSE instances, it will go badly.

    So it seems that for me, sometimes control and fear show up as an urge to lean forward AND

    sometimes control and fear show up as a determination to lean back (controlling by doing the tools).



  77.  #77Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    Maybe the free-form type relationship just comes naturally to me because it was modeled to me by my parents??? (NOT because I’m so mature! Lol. We all know it’s not that! :))



  78.  #78Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    Daria — I have had the thing where a guy chases, pursues, adores me, etc. Yeah, it felt nice and special, but I want something different.

    My parents adore EACH OTHER. It is mutual, not just him adoring her. Their relationship is amazing.

    My son and his soon-to-be wife — same thing.

    I LOVE the feeling of adoring a man. I love it more than the feeling of BEING adored.



  79.  #79Siena on May 3, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    ya, Daria’s comment makes me want to amend mine a little. I do want to feel adored – like, maybe 100% of the time 😉 I actually want both. I want freedom and back and forth, and total adoration as well. I don’t want to have to give up one for the other.

    And I SO don’t want a man who wants to be in his feminine energy. Maybe one day down the road I will, but for now, I feel really turned off when a man approaches or relates to me with feminine energy. I just can’t handle it. But then, I’m an infant when it comes to romantic relationships



  80.  #80Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    But to me, adoring a man does NOT mean waiting on him hand and foot, etc. Blech.



  81.  #81Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Siena — I agree completely #79. That’s what I want too.



  82.  #82Daria on May 3, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Yeah same here. I adored guywhohadababy.

    I loved adoring him way more than i loved being adored.

    This was because i didnt’ have love for myself. it was a deep thing. I didn’t know how to receive adoration.

    So i used my love to pour it on him.

    and now I will heal myself step by step.

    I will allow love to be poured on me, even when i can’t ‘feel’ it with the intention fo healing me.

    To where i WILL feel good being adored. I am way closer to it.

    i freakin leaned forward and called punk ass security right now, due to our conversation, and his ass didn’t pick up.

    so i hung up before the voicemail lol

    i dont even kno what to say if he did

    i kno i miss him

    he probably would have leaned forward eventually, he probably still will
    b
    tu

    the truth is i fele VERY bored right now

    i want to do something fun , with someone that i feel good around, and hes easy to do that with, well would be if he picked up

    because

    my life doesnt feel so good

    i WANT to have lots of friends it feels good to be around



  83.  #83Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    I feel glad you are learning to love yourself, Daria. 🙂



  84.  #84Daria on May 3, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    so how do i feel now:

    weird.

    numb but not numb cuz i never really feel numb

    more like dazed and blank

    i feel blank

    i love my blank feeling

    hehe

    i feel amused at getting textbook results to my leaning forward

    haha

    i want something FUN to do dammit

    i want to socialilze



  85.  #85Rachel on May 3, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    Siena,

    What does feminine energy in a guy look like? I’m trying to figure out if that’s why I’m a little turned off by one of my CD guys.



  86.  #86Siena on May 3, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    “i WANT to have lots of friends it feels good to be around”

    Daria, me too! I’m feeling like a glutton for CD. I realize I need and want a LOT of men around me. It feels scary, because I’ve always been a 1 guy kind of woman. But now it feels so good to have 5 or 6 guys emailing me or calling me.

    ESPECIALLY since the ones I want to step up… aren’t.

    I hope this can change when I meet my guy. I hope I’m able to commit to one guy!



  87.  #87Siena on May 3, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Oh Rachel, haha, I WISH I could have you be a fly on the wall with a couple of guys I know.

    A man displaying feminine energy to me is – saying
    “I feel” a lot.
    Not pursuing,
    Asking permission to call me (instead of just calling), asking why I don’t call him,
    telling me that if he didn’t pursue me, the relationship wouldn’t go anywhere (well, um, ya DUH!)

    And then other things as far as sex and romance go like

    Expecting ME to turn HIM on instead of him being turned on simply because I am
    Wanting me to rub his back or do other things
    Not focusing on me and my pleasure

    Oh… the list goes on and on!



  88.  #88mary on May 3, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    cultivate women friends – you’ll have them for life!

    cultivate men friends – you’ll have them until you get serious with another man! or they get serious with another woman!



  89.  #89mary on May 3, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    Rachel,

    I had a guy call me and ask me for a date. I told him I was free that very evening. He said, “Well, what did you have in mind?”

    That’s feminine energy.



  90.  #90Daria on May 3, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    hehe Siena yes. I’ve been holing myself in my cage and my suitors have dwindled it seems.

    I feel freakin anxious!

    what do you think of calling him 10 times in a row

    would that be too much?

    lol

    i dont even know what to say

    i want to call again and the truth is i would feel judgemental of him if he picked up on the second call like hello

    i feel afriad and also i would judge him like way too feminine energy, which i have been doing a bit of

    so i dont want to like get turned off by him by my own pushing

    there’s a guy i am in a habit of doing that with, and i want to stop with him too (past)

    and gosh i want some FUN to show up right now

    i guess i could do my LSAT practice, thats’ fun

    freakin Dman is always online now, i could easily go ikick it with him, but i dont feel attracted to him like that anymore

    he would have to step up

    i feel sad that i was so attached to this guy … waaaah…

    and he freakin backed away by my “coldness’ is my judgement of it

    but really it was just leaning back and not answering texts, rather waiting for a call

    the back of my mind says hes dating another girl

    oh well

    that really doesnt measure to me anyway but hey

    ufffff

    fuck

    i wish he was more this or that but hes he

    see what triggered me is a comment Rori made to Vanessa on the Questions thread, about her guy, whos 24 being VERY young and perhaps he cant do marriage right now

    well security is 21 and i basically hit him wiht the… i want you to set up a foundation for us NOW

    when i got attached – quickly due to seeing him a lot

    AND i am expecting him to come see me, knowing he has no car and would have to get a ride from his friend

    its like i ruled him out logistically

    ufff

    it would feel nice if something fun popped off
    im gonna start my LSAT stuff now



  91.  #91Siena on May 3, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    “hehe Siena yes. I’ve been holing myself in my cage and my suitors have dwindled it seems.”

    Daria, you know what jumped out at me about this? You WERE holing yourself up because you thought you might be pregnant. And now, you are living the reality of what you believed before. Not that you are pregnant now, but you BEHAVING secluded before, and now you’re FEELING secluded.

    That’s how it works! The thought became a thing for you!

    I feel fascinated!

    Now all you have to do is behave like you have a million and one friends, and they will show up!



  92.  #92Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    Here’s some fem energy right now from tattoo man.

    Him: Iron Man doesn’t start til Thursday.

    (we were gonna go see it tonight.)

    Me: Oh!

    That was like, half an hour ago. We’re both still on fb but he hasn’t said anything else. 🙂



  93.  #93Siena on May 3, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    ya, and men only do what they want to do. And if they don’t want to do you, well – oh well ;P

    Inspiring men to do what I want them to do is something that I’m trying to figure out still. How do I inspire instead of control? hmmmmmmmmmm………



  94.  #94Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    Yeah, Siena, the weird thing is I have all my other CD guys wrapped around my finger — apparently I inspired them to do everything I want them to do! I just don’t feel it for them.

    A guy asked me to marry him last night. I’m like, uh, no thanks.

    He is heartbroken.

    Men are telling me I put spells on them.

    But the one I WANT is the only one who is not falling all over me!!!!!



  95.  #95Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    It feels like I could have any other man in the world except him.



  96.  #96Siena on May 3, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    Wow, Lucy! That’s incredible!

    “It feels like I could have any other man in the world except him.”

    …and that is why you fail (in a Yoda voice).



  97.  #97Brenda on May 3, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    I’m on my new dating website and I feel yucky and scared. I don’t want to start with a new man. I feel insecure. I love my feelings of yuckiness, fear, and insecurity. I look at their pictures and I want to yell at them, because I’m afraid they will hurt me. I am so far past my pain threshold it’s a miracle I’m alive. I feel fraid to fly.

    Then in the next moment I feel like none of em will be good enuff for my standards. I started with high standards. Then I let them down and I got men who didn’t deserve me. Now I put my standards back up higher than ever. It’s hard to tell myself to relax and enjoy dating, but I will try.



  98.  #98Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    “…and that is why you fail (in a Yoda voice).”

    Please go on, Siena-Yoda (Soda, haha)!



  99.  #99Brenda on May 3, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    I mean some of their pics show they are just not TRYING. And then a username like “Catchandahalf”? Come on, that’s a turn-off to me. I just don’t feel it right now.



  100.  #100Siena on May 3, 2010 at 2:58 pm

    hehehe, Soda, I love it!

    Well, it’s human nature to want what we don’t have. But it’s also within our power to have whatever we want,

    …which is why it’s important to desire the way a man makes you FEEL instead of the man himself. Because that’s how you grow in your power to understand that you truly CAN have everything you ask for.

    Ask and you shall receive is very very true.

    …but then there’s a whole nother level this, which is free will. The man has free will too. So if you’re choosing to have him, and he’s choosing to not have you. Well, you’re stuck!

    The way to unstick is to choose the FEELINGS instead of the man. That way, you actually get what you wanted all the time anyway.

    And if you unstick, he unsticks too, which means that he might in the future be unstuck enough to realize that he desires you.



  101.  #101Brenda on May 3, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    I used to feel excited when I went on a dating site. I am being triggered by too much pain. Let go.



  102.  #102Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    In bed last night I started to write a poem in my head about it. Let’s see if I remember any of it….

    I sit and sing and twirl my hair and

    Men jump ship en masse to

    break their hearts against the rocks

    But you, just you

    Tied tightly to the mast

    just will not crash

    Upon me

    (something like that. It sounded better when I was half asleep last night lol!)



  103.  #103Siena on May 3, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    so you’re just stuck, dear Lucy, and believing that you can’t have what you want. But that’s a lie. It’s just stuckness, nothing more, nothing less.

    I recognize it because I do it all the time too!



  104.  #104Brenda on May 3, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    Siena, I really like that! Very insightful! Thanks!



  105.  #105Siena on May 3, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    Bren, you’re doing the right thing on the dating sites, btw. You know how I know? Because it’s really triggering you, which is like cleaning out a deep wound. You keep going girl!



  106.  #106Siena on May 3, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    oh gosh, I’ve been hanging out in my boy energy for a while now. Now I’m feeling tired, and need to retreat back into my girl energy. Gonna go take care of my girl. Yay! Have an appointment for a massage tonight. Can’t wait! Need to feel rejuvenated!



  107.  #107tinque on May 3, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    “it’s human nature to want what we don’t have. But it’s also within our power to have whatever we want.”

    And sometimes what you really want is exactly what you have.

    xxoo



  108.  #108Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    Soda, I hear ya, but the problem is, I have been asking for ANY man who makes me feel that way, and no one else is showing up. 🙁

    I have even opened up to other types — bald guys, fat guys, skinny guys, black guys, all kinds of guys.

    I have been wanting and asking for someone else to show up that I can feel great with.

    What am I missing here??



  109.  #109Brenda on May 3, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    Siena, thanks! Sometimes I wonder if I need a break from men. But I think you’re right. Enjoy your massage!



  110.  #110Siena on May 3, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    “And sometimes what you really want is exactly what you have.”

    Well yes! That too! Because we’re always given what we want and what we choose. So it makes sense that what we have right now is what we’ve wanted and chosen… although sometimes subconsciously.

    So I’m learning to want and choose more and better things for myself. I deserve it!



  111.  #111Siena on May 3, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    “I have been asking for ANY man who makes me feel that way, and no one else is showing up.”

    Lucy, in my experience (haha, I’m sounding old now and I’m just not), this could be 3 things. Do any of these resonate with you?

    1) God wants me to feel those things that I desire without assigning them to a man. Those feelings are available via many many more avenues than just a man. Perhaps that’s the lesson.

    2) I’m “asking and ducking”. Meaning that I am asking because I think you should, but don’t feel it for reals.

    3) I’m being combative with God. “Fine God! If I can’t have him, then just send me any old sap! I dare you to!” (That is the same thing as #2 )

    It’s usually one of those 3 things for me.



  112.  #112Daria on May 3, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    omgosh

    i just got a phone call

    from a man

    i didnt know, i gave him my number online!

    AND

    omg it felt wonderful!

    at first i still felt tight

    but

    AMAZING
    he motivated

    me

    aobut my stuff i want to accomplish

    and

    i felt seen and heard and he was interested in me and what im like and

    hes not judgemental

    and it felt so fun

    talking to him

    i felt attraced to him without feeling tense

    ohhhh

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

    my energy has soo shifted

    omgsoh!!!

    sosooooowooohooo



  113.  #113Daria on May 3, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    he’s only 22! he’s smart! he likes me! he’s getting his financials together! he sees that hustling is not stable…

    he thinks to expand the mind because you are the onlly one who will hold you back

    i opened up

    i felt good

    omg!

    out of nowhere this phonecall!!!



  114.  #114Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    Thanks, Siena. Do you have a 4)? 🙂

    It’s not 1), because it’s not really the feelings I am looking for. I feel content with myself and my life and my feelings, but I want a man for masculine companionship and sex. And I don’t want any old man for those things — I want a man I truly connect with on a deep and fun level and who I am sexually attracted to. And it’s not 2/3), because all I really want is what I just described, and that could come from anybody. It’s just that right now, TN man is the only man who has been any fun, had significant depth, and sexually attractive to me.



  115.  #115Siena on May 3, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    nope, no #4 Lucy 😉 Go buy a plane ticket. 😉

    That’s awesome news, Daria – makes me feel smiley!

    OK, I’m outtie.



  116.  #116Brenda on May 3, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    Daria, I’m so happy for you! He sounds fantastic!



  117.  #117Daria on May 3, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    oh… and he asked me do i drive… and i felt hesistant but said yes… and told him about my dui

    and then i asked him.. he Does drive

    and he started saying from the beginning that he’s gonna make his wasy to my town to see me (he did not ask me to come see him)

    wooo hoooo

    i feel so good

    i am so ready to jump “out the window” now into the stuff i want to do!



  118.  #118Brenda on May 3, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    Question…does leaning back mean posting my profile and only responding to men who contact me first through my profile?



  119.  #119Daria on May 3, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    Brenda – yes! only responding to men who initiate to me in some way, whether messaging, “friending”, winking, poking, zapping, sending me a rose or bears, etc

    hehe



  120.  #120Daria on May 3, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    U GUYS! GIRLS!! GODDESSES!!

    I was in the bathroom and i got hit by the sadness about Security man, I almost cried, I feel like I miss him !!!

    and then i go to the phone and i have 2 texts.

    one from the new man who called me and shifted my energy … saying sexy pics in regard to the ones i sent him

    and one from Security. sayin you called? I was asleep.

    So now I Feel like whoa!!

    i dono what to say lol!

    well i said. Yes I miss u. and to the first one i asked what his myspace page is

    ohh

    i feel kina weird now and a lil offbalance
    but glad that he texted

    he loovvveed texting

    texting with him is cool , but i dont want just texting…

    even tho his texting isnt like “non involved” texting

    uff

    i feel excited off balance afraid insecure, happy, relaxed, relieved

    LOL!

    ima still wait some more days and keep taking these pregnancy tests

    my period is way late (since before sex) and i thinkj thats making my hormones and me particularly feel stuck and kina UMPH hot like not flowy

    flow hormones and blood, flow!!



  121.  #121Daria on May 3, 2010 at 6:33 pm

    UFF – now i wish i had leaned back an freakin not called.

    that would have made it clear for him that he wants me, when he called me

    or whatever

    i am jus feeling mega mucho insecure and don’t want to fall into disagreeing and feeling hopeless and helpless

    i feel Scared



  122.  #122Daria on May 3, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    omgosh

    I FEEL ANGRY

    how dare you not call me for a week!!!

    wTF

    GRRRRR

    I feel afraid that he’s not enough of a step up man

    and i feel SO GOOD around me

    will i have another that i feel so paid attention to, around him?

    that when we get out the car, when i step back, he pauses and comes to me and holds me…

    who tells me wow you look good

    who wants to talk to me about magic and goddesses and dragons

    and doesn’t think im crazy

    and likes my name and says he wants to name our daughter after me

    ohhhhhh

    i feel afraid cuz i feel SO GOOD and i want more too

    i will have everything

    and there it is

    i miss him mucho

    till i bleed hehe

    come on blood

    its cool to bleed now

    we weren’t tryna have a baby

    i wasn’t

    so it was just for healing

    ur my body

    and i got your back

    k

    and i want me and you to have this understanding

    of whats good for us

    so lets speek



  123.  #123Daria on May 3, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    i feel like crying cuz i like him so much. and i know he liked me.

    and i feel like… i think that… maybe he’s too sensitive for me

    IM a BITCH

    a cold cruel heartless bitch

    who puts men thru the ringer

    and i feel saddddddd



  124.  #124Daria on May 3, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    i feel crying

    i feel soooo sadddddda

    thesse freakin walls and requirements

    of having to drive and not text and leave messages

    when he is like the me i was so free and life is joy

    and i feel saddddddd

    i feel sooo sadddddddddddd

    i feel sooo sadddddddd



  125.  #125Daria on May 3, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    Now he texts back I miss you

    and the other guy texts what u doing:

    well im feeling very sad and missing someone, and feeling a lil better now

    how about silence



  126.  #126Daria on May 3, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    now security texts “its nice to hear from you”

    lol!

    since i leaned forward i now have to OUTGIRL him apparnetly lol

    i stent a 🙂



  127.  #127Daria on May 3, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    hehe it worked!

    he said hes gonna have a car soon!!

    OMG YES!!! YAY!!!!

    YAY!!!

    i told him i felt worried about bein pregnant but now i dont think i am

    he says

    why you was worried about it, our baby wasn’t gonna be ugly

    LOL

    omgosh helal funny. I feel concerned tho. I think he may be too “spiritual” maybe like I am, and I don’t feel solid financially

    i think he he goes by how he feels and intuition as far as life and children

    and that feels good,

    As long as it also feels Solid and safe… and i want that…

    i was thinking that maybe i need a man to be solid and safe and i be the spiritual one

    but heres a rainbow man for my rainbow woman

    lol

    will we EAT?

    haha

    i develop all my Goddess talents,

    i choose to feel safe with me and let him surprise me

    Be surprised!

    hehe

    i just aksed him a serious quesiton too… i felt weird asking

    i said

    i dont want to have a baby before im ready and want to be married an financially solid.

    I feel weird asking… do you support your daughter?

    I can ask this because I CAN TALK TO A MAN ABOUT ANYTHING



  128.  #128Daria on May 3, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    whoa!

    he said:

    nunya

    as in none of my business. Which is true… but feels weird.

    i want to say ok

    and i might wanna say i feel weird

    lol

    is it nonya about mines if i was mothafucka?

    hahahaa

    sucka

    i feel weird and kina mad or kina put off

    so i said

    Oh. Feels weird. Ok.

    Lol TEXT WORLD: where people stop being polite, and start being REAL



  129.  #129Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    “but heres a rainbow man for my rainbow woman”

    I feel happy reading that. 🙂



  130.  #130Daria on May 3, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    yah except two rainbow people are thougth to be uncompatible because they wont feed themselves, pay the bills, or DO solid things



  131.  #131Daria on May 3, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    So im practicing on being everything woman.

    I will ddo jaguar woman for protection. that is easy

    roaarrr

    but nurturing woman. oh i feel so afraid.

    rainbow woman does not like routine,

    and i DO SO MUCH want to be able to get things done too

    perhaps ill use a bunny



  132.  #132Daria on May 3, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    Path of the Sacred Warrior
    by Peggy Andreas

    First circulated on the newsgroup alt.religion.shamanism, this essay was published in Towards 2012 part I: Death/Rebirth (The Unlimited Dream Company, 1995). It forms the start of a trilogy which continues with Path of the Sacred Clown and Path of the Shaman. Written around 1995.

    “Hoka Hey!” exclaims the Sioux warrior riding into battle, “Today is a good day to die.” A true warrior dares to do the impossible. She dares death and she respects death, both. A story about Native American warriors puts it this way, “Warriors live with death at their side, and from the knowledge that death is with them, they draw the courage to face anything. The worst that can happen to us is that we have to die, and since that is already our unalterable fate, we are free; those who have lost everything no longer have anything to fear.”1

    The Path of the Sacred Warrior begins with the awareness that we are mortal beings, that we are going to die. Knowing this, we can see our lives in better perspective. Knowing this, we can act ALWAYS so that we will be able to die centered, beyond fear, at peace with what we have made from the stuff of our lives. The goal is to live our lives well in order to eventually die well, so that what is eternal about us (our Spirit?) will be set free. We must each come to terms with our own personal Deaths. For instance, I like to think that my body is offspring of an act of love between my Spirit and the Elemental world. I like to think that MY death will be a final consummation and bittersweet orgasmic consumption of that love!

    The Sacred Warrior walks her path with her Death at her side. And her Death makes Herself available to the Sacred Warrior as an advisor, teacher, and friend. This relationship with her Death calls the Sacred Warrior to be who she truly is, to live her life fully and completely, to use the power-from-within. As Agnes Whistling Elk says in the story Medicine Woman, “You can only be dangerous when you accept your death. Then you become dangerous in spite of anything. You must learn to see the awake ones. A dangerous woman can do anything because she will do anything. A powerful woman is unthinkable because the unthinkable belongs to her. Everything belongs to her, and anything is possible.”2

    In Native American lore, stories of warriors often reveal a childhood filled with inner turmoil and outward aggressiveness. Baby warriors are keen to explore the world and they don’t want anyone or anything to get in their way. They may fight with their siblings or test the parents mercilessly. Warriors often seem to have come into life with an excess of energy. Their temperaments are fiery; their wills, strong. A young warrior who is thwarted in her physical expression will almost certainly compensate with surplus mental or emotional energy.

    The story of the Tewa Cottonwood Warchief, Pohaha, illustrates this theme. Always angry when young, she rebelled when coaxed to do domestic work. Finally, her tribe consented to let her go to battle, where she distinguished herself mightily. After that, it was said, her constant anger disappeared and “she became a good woman.”3 Her name, Pohaha, means “wet-between-the-legs-ha-ha” because of her habit of pulling up her dress to taunt her enemies with the fact that she was a woman! Eventually, the great Pohaha was elected “Warchief” by the elders. As War Chief, she would have to lead her people against enemies, protect them from sickness and treat them as her children. She took her charge seriously; and when she died, she left her mask and said it would represent her even if she was dead. “I will be with you all the time,” she told her tribe, “The mask is me.”4 The Cottonwood people keep her mask, and tell her story, to this day.

    A young warrior is hard to control. But once that warrior is trusted with a challenging task, she is on her way to SELF-CONTROL. Native Americans begin the warrior-training with hunting lessons, along with basic wilderness-survival skills. They teach the young huntress a respect for her “prey.” They show the young one that to learn from one’s Death (the Ultimate Huntress), one needs to develop humility, patience, and an ability to keep a clear head—or, at least, to clear one’s head, fast! The wilderness-survival training is a good idea for a Sacred Warrior—it gives her a true knowledge of her world, and of her relationship to it. It gives her Nature as her first Opponent. She learns that one cannot “compete” with such a powerful Opponent. Yet she also learns that this Opponent is a mirror to her own heart, and as such deserves respect and, even, love. From this realization, she goes on to learn self-defense and self-reliance.

    Obviously, this is a path of courage. Native Americans call their warriors “Braves” for a reason. The more courage one showed, the more honored the warrior! “Braves” (both female and male) who rode into battle did not seek to kill the opposition. It was considered much braver to humiliate (“count coup on”) the opposition by getting close enough to simply touch, or to capture the opposition’s ceremonial pipe, war bonnet, shield or bow.5 To kill another warrior was considered a dubious accomplishment. To kill “innocents” was considered cowardly. In ancient days, it is said that great warriors would not attack a camp, but would enter and be welcomed. They would be put up in the “enemy tipi” to rest and be fed. Then all the young warriors of the camp would come to challenge the great warrior, hoping to “count coup” but usually just lucky to hold their own. No doubt they received a few lessons in the holding.

    “Capturing” (what we might call “stealing”) became one of the greatest warrior feats. Since there was no idea of property, it was more like “reclaiming.” This is where the White insult of “Indian-giver” originated. Entities (like horses) or places (like a forest or a plain) could not be “owned” by anyone; therefore they belonged to those who took care of them.

    In the modern world, our battles are usually fought in somewhat different arenas. Many writers and re-claimers of Herstory are Sacred Warriors, realizing that “The pen is mightier than the sword”. “Say you were a writer and you decided to pick Anaïs Nin as your worthy opponent. You tried to beat her in creativity and ideas. In a sense, you would use her to see yourself. You don’t want her to fail—you would lose your model. What does a medicine person want you to do? They want to give away to you until you have power so that you can become a worthy opponent to another worthy warrior.”6 What IS opposition, anyway? This question is central to the Sacred Warrior’s Path. It does NOT involve contempt. It is wasteful to feel contempt for people or other entities. A Native American warrior speaking to a group of White Americans put it this way, “You people have such anger and fear and contempt for your so-called criminals that your crime rate goes up and up. Your society has a high crime rate because it is in a perfect position to receive crime. You should be working WITH these people, not in opposition to them. The idea is to have contempt for crime, not for people. It’s more useful to think of every individual as another YOU—to think of every individual as a representative of the universe. Even the worst criminal in life imprisonment sitting in his cell—the center of him is the same seed, the seed of the whole creation.”7

    So what is the feeling that the Sacred Warrior cultivates within herself? Detachment is important. “Everyone who wants to follow the warrior’s path has to rid herself of fixation: the compulsion to possess and hold onto things.”7 It is easy to see that walking with one’s Death at one’s side can help one remember that “you can’t take it with you.” Besides, a fluid warrior needs to be free of burdens, needs to be free to think clearly, and move at a moment’s notice. She also needs to be able to live in the present. In order to cultivate detachment, a warrior develops her sense of humor and a great sense of resourcefulness. These become her shields. She can feel her strong and passionate emotions and then let them pass THROUGH her. She can laugh at herself.

    But there is a danger in detachment. A warrior can become so self-reliant that she becomes arrogant and uncompromising. She becomes incapable of compassion. What brings the “sacredness” to the path of the Sacred Warrior is LOVE. To the Sacred Warrior, Love is felt when the heart is open. Great warriors are said to have great hearts, and even the strongest, most skilled, most dangerous warrior becomes Sacred when she puts herself in service (as a Guardian or a Champion) to a child, a needy group, a holy place, a worthy task. MOST of all, the Sacred Warrior is at the service of those who truly require her. She does this not for them, but for herself. Her love and service are free, without attachment or expectation—unconditional. She knows, perhaps more than anyone else, that to truly love is the most dangerous and most daring act a Sacred Warrior can perform. An Apache maiden, Lozen, became a powerful and respected warrior. Expert in riding and roping, she was always able to bring back enemy horses. She was dedicated to helping her people. It is said that once she found herself alone in enemy territory with a young mother and her baby. She spent several gruelling months leading them to safety, when she could have just as easily rode away by herself. As she matured in her compassion, she began to develop the uncanny ability to determine the location of the enemy, and became a welcome voice at tribal strategy meetings.9 Throughout Native American lore, there are many such stories of big-hearted Braves. While they are much admired and honored for their hunting, fighting, and survival skills, they are even more respected and loved for their compassion and kindness.

    In the past, Sacred Warriors battled for the protection and survival of their tribes, and for personal satisfaction. This is still true, but in our Age, the definition of “tribe” can vary. The Sacred Warrior who travels on “A path with a heart” must find her own sacred battlefield. The fight may be for justice, or peace, or respect—whether personally or publicly. Many Sacred Warriors fulfil the Native American prophecy of the “Warriors of the Rainbow” that says, “When the Earth is sick and dying, all over the world people will rise up as Warriors of the Rainbow to save the planet.”10 This prophecy is furthered by the words of a modern Native American/Eskimo who says, “Great are the tasks ahead, terrifying are the mountains of ignorance and hate and prejudice, but the Warriors of the Rainbow shall rise as on the wings of the eagle to surmount all difficulties. They will be happy to find that there are now millions of people all over the earth ready and eager to rise and join them in conquering all barriers that bar the way to a new and glorious world! We have had enough now of talk. Let there be deeds.”11

    http://dreamflesh.com/essays/warriorpath/



  133.  #133EarthDancer on May 3, 2010 at 8:00 pm

    Lucy & Siena: I feel awed and a bit jealous of your Siren-ness 🙂 I am many baby steps behind you and I hope I will learn fast! to be like you…

    Lucy, I was really hung up on my -ex and seein’ a therapist and it had been a year and I was still yearnin’ for him so the therapist (a guy) told me to call and ask him if there was any POSSIBILITY for an ‘us’… to lean forward … he told me NO WAY but it gave me closure and I was able to move on where as before I was stuck and comparing every guy to him…

    I’m not sayin’ this is like your situation with your TN man but maybe a meeting would give you some answers 🙂 xoxo *hugs



  134.  #134Daria on May 3, 2010 at 8:04 pm

    ok so i realized hehe… that feels limiting and i will be unlimited

    ive untangled the rainbow woman earth mother death giver mystery and i claim all womanness



  135.  #135Lucy on May 3, 2010 at 8:13 pm

    That’s beautiful, Daria. Thanks for sharing. My great-grandmother was of the Mohawk tribe. <3



  136.  #136Daria on May 3, 2010 at 9:58 pm

    that’s cool Lucy. I didn’t really connect much here until one day I had smoked a blunt and the wind started to talk to me and told me about native people hehe.

    I just found this article and i was like WHOA!!! this is how I AM

    how i think about the prisons and stuff, etc

    and i feel so empowered by it… the universe is setting out another flat stone in my path. This really helps me with my “battle” and strength compassion and competition concerns

    in fact its going up on my blog



  137.  #137Brenda on May 4, 2010 at 8:33 am

    Daria, RE: #132 – Path of the Sacred Warrior

    Daria, this is a beautiful quote! Thank you for sharing! There is deep truth in it! I am part Blackfoot, and I love the Native American part of myself the best! I especially like the part about showing love and compassion in the midst of survival.

    On a similar vibe, I heard once that the most dangerous people on earth are considered to be people on death row, because they have nothing to lose. I want to be dangerous in my approach to life, with nothing to lose. This is some rich reading, and so beautiful!



  138.  #138Simply Shannon on May 4, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    Daria: LMBO!

    is it nonya about mines if i was mothafucka?

    hahahaa

    sucka

    i feel weird and kina mad or kina put off

    so i said

    Oh. Feels weird. Ok.

    Lol TEXT WORLD: where people stop being polite, and start being REAL

    Hahahahaha!

    Girl, you are Brilliant, with a big fat mutherfuckin’ B! I pray for you Daria to be anything you want to be, live anywhere you want to live, with whomever you wish to live. Amen.

    Now wish carefully because you will have this pray answered.



  139.  #139Simply Shannon on May 4, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    I am still laughing. That is hella funny. Text World. Hahahahahahahaha! Ow my side hurts. LOL!



  140.  #140Simply Shannon on May 4, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    Lucy: I’ve gotten so confused about what posts this came from, but something jumped out at me (trigger of course) when you said TN man has Aspergers. Mr. Fab Kisser has OCD. And it drives me NUTS when he blames shit on his OCD. He had to write me or he had to text me or whatever because of his OCD. I call bullshit. Yes, his OCD makes him feel uncomfortable in certain situations but it’s his desire to NOT be uncomfortable that is causing him to CHOOSE a certian choice.

    This is probably different than TN man in that he isn’t blaming his Aspergers. Maybe I’m being triggered because YOU are blaming his Aspergers or his shyness or whatever. Making excuses for him as to why he isn’t doing such and such.

    I don’t know that I agree with Sienna. I hear what she’s saying and sure if I’m a rockstar, then why not buy a ticket and go see him. However, that presumes that I KNOW he wants me to come there. And really… if he isn’t coming to see ME, then I’m not 100% sure he wants me to come see him. Right?

    However, I don’t see you getting this guy off your horse until you know one way or the other. And as much as Rori downplays closure, it would be a pretty cool experiment. I mean, it’s one day of travel right? Go have lunch/ dinner and come home.

    How is that for dangling a carrot? Tough choice.



  141.  #141Simply Shannon on May 4, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    so that was totally boy voice. At first I was feeling angry about the Asperger’s blaming thing, but now I feel excited about how things could play out with this experiment. It’s like a drama flick.

    Will Lucy stay?

    Will Lucy go?

    Will TN Man really be her knight in shining armor?

    Will Lucy be able to look past the 5 o’clock shadow or the slightly clammy hands of TN Man in real life?

    Stayed tuned…



  142.  #142Brenda on May 4, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    I like teddy bears.



  143.  #143Simply Shannon on May 4, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    I got this today and thought I would post it. It’s from Terry McDonald. She sent an email today titled “You’re too WHAT for love? Oh, no, you’re not…”

    This is just an excerpt but this really resonated with me today. She tells a story of an older woman who’s husband had passed. She loves Irish dancing and no matter what, she goes out and dances because she loves doing it. She’s met lots of people that way (some of them men).

    This really hits close to home for me.

    – – – – –
    Which brings me to you: WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?

    Because I have this theory that says that if everyone whose online profile states they ‘love to take long walks on the beach,’ actually took long walks on the beach, they’d meet other people (some of them men) who love to take long walks on the beach.

    Dating sites might go out of business!

    Do what YOU love to do. No waiting around. No excuses.

    AND, HERE’S SOMETHING ELSE:

    The New York Times ran an announcement Sunday, May 2nd 2010 about the wedding of 90-year-old Patricia Wood to 85-year-old Edward Ney. (No, it was not a renewal of wows ceremony!)

    Which goes to show, you’re never too old (or anything else) for love!



  144.  #144Simply Shannon on May 4, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    Still working through these posts.

    Sienna: The three things…

    1) God wants me to feel those things that I desire without assigning them to a man. Those feelings are available via many many more avenues than just a man. Perhaps that’s the lesson.

    2) I’m “asking and ducking”. Meaning that I am asking because I think you should, but don’t feel it for reals.

    3) I’m being combative with God. “Fine God! If I can’t have him, then just send me any old sap! I dare you to!” (That is the same thing as #2 )

    Most of mine are #1. God wants me to have my own life. I know I’m still wanting a man to complete me.

    I get it God. Thank you for the memo and for your patience as I beat my head against this wall one more time. I’m working on it. I will be strong on the inside, soft on the outside with Mr. Fab Kisser. Praying that you move both of us in the right direction, together or separate, just the way You want each of us to go. I got it. Thank you. Amen.



  145.  #145heartbeat on May 4, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    Shannon – 143 thanks that feels great to read and made me laugh too! Thank you xx



  146.  #146Lucy on May 4, 2010 at 3:16 pm

    Thanks for your input Shannon!

    What I got out of Siena’s comments was basically the feeling that she would be supportive of me whatever I decide to do. I pretty much had/have already decided that I will wait for him to invite me (which I realize may never happen!) or if my inner guidance tells me at some point to do something different. I am becoming more and more aware of the important role intuition plays (for me at least) in all this stuff.

    I think that’s why on rare occasions leaning forward doesn’t seem like leaning forward — it’s almost like it’s what I am *supposed* to do at times. Rori even made a comment about this recently, saying that the specific behaviors are not really leaning forward if the vibe isn’t leaning forward.

    I am beginning to think that leaning forward is really all about attachment to outcome, control, and fear, rather than a list of behaviors to avoid. And that if we do lean-back behaviors out of fear, control, and an agenda, it has the same effect as leaning forward! Likewise, if we do lean-forward behaviors with no agenda, control, or fear, they have the same effect as leaning back.

    The trick is to be totally honest with ourselves! And I think that is the key to being able to do the free-form dance of masculine and feminine energies.

    Uh! I have to go for now, but I want to address the other issues too. Later!



  147.  #147Siena on May 4, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    Wow, Lucy! Amazing insight! Rori, what do you think about Lucy’s last post? Is that what is at the core off all this?



  148.  #148heartbeat on May 4, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    Yeah Lucy – am feeling fascinated! – have flagged that for further reflection.



  149.  #149tinque on May 4, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    Yes that’s it. I only have a couple of minutes, but Lucy is exactly right.
    For example I do things for K that might appear as leaning forward, but I do these things because they make ME happy, AND I am not looking for praise, validation, or even a hug and a smooch. I get them anyway but only because I’m not doing anything in order to get back.
    Make sense?
    xxoo



  150.  #150Daria on May 4, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    I’m feeling tightened up

    I feel angry.

    I feel judgemental.

    I feel sad.

    I love my feelings.



  151.  #151Daria on May 4, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    At first the lean back behaviors serve as training wheels until a woman learns to feel her feelings and feel when she’s leaning forward or not.

    Thinking about a man while not contacting is leaning forward

    I feel discouraged.

    I want to be rescued. I don’t want to make my own money

    I dont care if all people have to. I think ill just sit here and starve to death and be hanged instead. how about that?

    i feel angry

    I feel sad

    I feel annoyed

    NO I REFUSE TO BE A SLAVE

    there

    i don’t want to

    hello mind. love u.



  152.  #152Daria on May 4, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    Everything would change if i was supporting myself financially right?

    or what if your fuckin leading me on?

    besides um… why would you want em to do stuff i dont want to do if you were so fuckin on my side?

    hmm??



  153.  #153Daria on May 4, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    Rescue ME!!! over here!!!

    bring the ships over so i can tell you how i dont need your fuckin help

    ill bulid my own raft

    and then

    RESCUE ME again

    ISLAND : MOVE

    MOVE ISLAND MOVE

    i dont want to be rescued on a stupid fuckin ship

    i dont want a life raft

    i want the island to move

    i dont care if its stupid

    i dont care if its impossible

    i dont care about much at all… do i

    not really

    who cares what i care about

    a mounatin of caring

    could move my island up

    then i could jump

    and maybe fly down

    smak into the ocean

    falling is kinda like flying

    esp if

    we turned everything upside down

    and i fell backwards thru the sky

    smaking a couple stars

    and burning big holes in my arm

    and bursting with terror

    of losing control

    of the island

    i

    just dont know

    u swear youre gonna show up and guide me

    but i barely see u

    and then

    u havent even motivated me

    i have to motivate me

    always me

    i have to do everything

    well

    gues what

    i am incapable

    get it

    i am incapable

    so there

    stop expecting me to do these amaizng things
    that i am incapable of

    i dont care

    if everyone dies including me

    unless i do them

    because im incapable

    so either way

    we’re all dying

    so get lost

    and leave me alone

    so i can complain

    on my island

    or rescue me

    already

    geez

    and no i dont want to get on ur stupid fuckin ship

    im fine here

    i got my own back

    i will build a raft

    i dont need ur help

    i dont know where to go anyway

    the whole world is boring

    like prison walls

    lord why was i born in such a boring world

    can i die and start over

    im sorry i was born

    i just want to be dead instead

    then

    im not expected to do much

    until im born

    that would feel great

    so fun to be born

    so why

    fuck why

    its not fun

    lalala

    spin in my head stupid thoughts

    i hate u too

    im gonna go play lsat logic games



  154.  #154Lucy on May 4, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    “At first the lean back behaviors serve as training wheels until a woman learns to feel her feelings and feel when she’s leaning forward or not.”

    I agree, Daria!



  155.  #155Siena on May 4, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    Just got a text, “still want to meet?” I have no idea who it is! Might be Frenchie. But I cleared all old names put of my cell from men I didn’t expect to hear from, so I don’t know for sure.

    I replied, “that might feel good, what did u have in mind.” Hoping he would give me a clue who he is. He replied,”drinks.”

    Shit.

    How do I find out who this is without being disrespectful?

    LOL.



  156.  #156Siena on May 4, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    okay, well, I’m meeting him (whoever he is) for drinks. I trust myself not to have given my # to someone who I didn’t feel good about, so it’s all good. Plus, he’ll have to call to arrange the specifics, so I’ll find out who he is eventually.

    I guess he must really have a message for me! I wonder what it is?



  157.  #157Lucy on May 4, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    Oh, Siena, that’s too funny!

    What if he’s the answer to your request for a date for the gala? 🙂 (No pressure! Haha!)



  158.  #158Siena on May 4, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    Heehee, well, SOMEONE’s gonna be my date, so maybe him! I’m pretty sure it’s Frenchie, I can’t think who else it would be in that area code. But we scheduled it for 3 weeks from now, so unless he’s gonna try to get me earlier, he ain’t my date for this weekend!



  159.  #159Lucy on May 4, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    Shannon, I feel intrigued and a bit confused by this –

    “Will Lucy be able to look past the 5 o’clock shadow or the slightly clammy hands of TN Man in real life?”

    — because one of the things I LOVE about his face is the 5 o’clock shadow in many of the pics!

    Is a 5 o’clock shadow usually a negative???



  160.  #160Lucy on May 4, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    “Because I have this theory that says that if everyone whose online profile states they ‘love to take long walks on the beach,’ actually took long walks on the beach, they’d meet other people (some of them men) who love to take long walks on the beach.”

    I love this, Shannon! Now I have to go look at my profile to find out what I love to do so I can go do it! 🙂



  161.  #161Simply Shannon on May 4, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    Lucy: 🙂 The five o’clock shadow was just a reference to seeing him in real life. I almost wrote “the pimple on his face”. Just those little imperfections that you don’t normally see/notice in pics.

    Daria: Are we really that boring? At first I felt intrigued by your words but now I feel irritated. Like nails on a chalkboard irritated, like my kids throwing a temper tantrum about wanting the one thing that I do not have. Sigh. I love you but I do not have the ability to move mountains right now. What else can we do?

    The whole “refuse to be a slave” comment… what does that mean to you?



  162.  #162Lucy on May 4, 2010 at 7:21 pm

    Shannon – I want to respond to the asperger’s comments, but I do feel kinda scared of being judged as “defensive.”

    To me there is a difference between blaming on/making excuses and understanding reasons behind behavior.

    My teenage niece has OCD, ADD, and Tourette’s. Last summer at the beach she and her younger brother were kicking water at each other and both were getting mad and wanting the other to stop. I intervened and told her, as the oldest, to stop. She said, “I can’t! It’s my OCD! I have to make it even!” I know her very well, and she respects me a lot, so I knew and totally called her on it: “That’s not your OCD, it’s your BS.” We went back and forth a little on it and it turned into a great convo about — just like you said, Shannon — choices.

    However, with her Tourette’s she can “hold it in” for only so long — and usually tries to do so all day at school. Then, later, around her family, when she relaxes, it comes out — head movements and sounds, and rolling eyeballs that she HATES but is so grateful that she has an understanding extended family who accept her the way she is.

    Her dad (my sister’s husband) also has OCD, ADD, and very mild Tourette’s — none of which my sister knew about when they married (he didn’t know either). My sister agonizes over that fine line between what he can control and what he can’t. For so many years, before diagnosis, she constantly criticized and blamed him for doing/not doing things — and now she has to concede that there ARE some things that he either can’t control or they take monumental effort, reminders, awareness, retraining, etc. to control/change.

    Ironically, my sister is also a resource teacher who works with children in public schools with these kinds of issues, including asperger’s and other autism spectrum disorders.

    With autism, there are some things that people have choices about, and some they really don’t. It is a neurological condition. For some, it is actually physically painful to make eye contact for more than a few seconds at a time. That’s not an excuse, it’s a reason.

    Many people with high-functioning autism/asperger’s can get sensory overload in certain situations and literally cannot function until they remove themselves from the situation or make adjustments. TN man seems to know his limits in this area, and basically paces himself. It is a HUGE deal and personal challenge for him to take on this new high level job in a 1000+ employee company when he has in the past stayed in his comfort zone of self-employment. AND it is in a completely new city! I know *I* would not want to immediately bring a potential love interest into all that until I had time to adjust, and I don’t have asperger’s –although I do have many traits, so I understand some of the challenges — so I certainly would expect him to pace himself here. Just like I would give a person walking with a cane extra time to cross the street.

    Another issue with asperger’s is that they often are unable to understand how their behavior feels to other people — no matter how much they want to and try. They just learn as much as they can about social rules so that they can follow them. But they are simply unaware of certain things, and can’t change them until they become aware. Like, if you kick someone under the table but thought you only kicked a chair, you’re not going to know to apologize. It’s not an excuse, it’s a reason.

    I know that he has done a TON of work to overcome his challenges, and he continues to learn and grow. But just like with a blind person, or someone with cystic fibrosis (which my daughter has), or Tourette’s, there are some things that are challenges, and some that are LIMITS.

    So, in all this, I do not want to blame anything on his asperger’s, but I do want to understand that a relationship with someone with asperger’s does indeed have some unique challenges — and I want to respect his needs and his limits, while at the same time honoring my own needs and desires.

    I feel scared to post this, scared that it will trigger people and that they will try to tear it apart.

    I feel hopeful that that may not happen and that maybe I have done a good enough job of expressing what is in my heart. <3



  163.  #163Daria on May 4, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    Shannon — I wasn’t talking about you guys. I had an outside-the-blog trigger.

    however. yes i’ve been feeling a lil bored and low level judgemental and angry reading some blog comments as well.



  164.  #164Simply Shannon on May 4, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    Lucy, love. I don’t feel judgmental. I just felt triggered by what you wrote. It’s not you and TN man. It’s just my trigger. Mr. Fab Kisser blames things on his OCD, and I feel YUCK. I understand that some things cannot be helped. I also know my tolerance level for this is very low. It’s a responsibility thing for me (or lack thereof). Something I dealt with a lot in my marriage. I feel afraid to give someone an inch with excuses for fear that they will become “powerless” and irresponsible. This is my fear and my trigger.

    On the flip side, Aspergers or not, I would feel awful knowing he is four hours away and he still doesn’t want to see me. It does NOT matter what the reasons are. I would still feel hurt. And that sucks and makes me feel angry at TN Man.



  165.  #165Daria on May 4, 2010 at 8:00 pm

    Shannon – haha I didn’t realize you would take it upon yourself to move my mountain hehe. that feels shocking!

    i feel kinda good, and kina shaky and scared

    i was having a conversation with myself and the world and yes indeed you guys are here,

    i don’t know what anyone can do

    as you see i feel stuck on this island. if you try to help me, i will not let you, but i will keep asking for help

    hehe



  166.  #166Daria on May 4, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    I feel brushed aside in a subtle way by explanations. there was a Inner Bonding article about explaining as a means to control.

    i feel very impatient

    i just cried out tears

    my heart aches

    my family communicates suckily

    my dad gets angry and feels disrespected to be told my feelings

    my mom overfunctions and is sarcastic

    i feel like dying

    i feel mucho uncaring about hurting people’s feelings right now

    i feel very much like telling the truth

    i want the truth to come out in feelings not thoughts



  167.  #167Lucy on May 4, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    Thanks, Shannon, I feel good reading your response.

    Ya know, I would think Mr. Fab Kisser with his OCD would WANT to tithe — 10% is a nice round percentage, consistent, in a box, etc. 🙂

    I feel kinda good and protected by your feelings of hurt and anger at TN man. And surprised! that it even matters to someone else.

    Maybe I have a high tolerance because of all the “spectrum” issues in my beloved extended family, and the special needs of my daughter.

    A few months ago, someone on here had written about a man whose daughter had a terminal or life-threatening illness, and she wrote that it should not interfere with their relationship to the extent that it was. I refrained from saying anything at the time, but the truth is, I could totally relate to that man’s perspective. With my daughter’s terminal, life-threatening illness, there have been critical life and death times when I felt so overwhelmed, overloaded, and shut down — physically, mentally, and emotionally — that I simply had nothing left to give to another relationship.

    So, to ME, the reasons do matter. And they allow me to NOT feel hurt and angry, but rather to feel patient and compassionate. Along with feeling a little sad and a little scared, because I don’t know whether or not he will even eventually want to meet me, asperger’s or not.

    I’ll tell you what, though, I would really LOVE for a new man to come along who is attractive to me!!! I SO don’t want TN man to be the only one! My friend who married a man from match last summer told me that before she moved out of this area she had searched match and found a whole bunch of hot-looking, interesting guys —- then realized it was set to search for men looking for men!!! When she changed it to hetero, she found exactly what I am finding — nobody interesting. She later moved to where her parents live in a nearby state, and found the man of her dreams through match.

    I am meeting a lot of these guys, anyway, giving them a chance, but I am just not finding anyone even close to what I want. 🙁



  168.  #168Lucy on May 4, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    Hey! I just realized something! — Brenda, are you on match.com? If so, we’re looking in the same general area. What age group are you looking in? What do you think of the men you’re finding on there?



  169.  #169mary on May 4, 2010 at 10:49 pm

    hmmmm… daria… hey daria…

    i’m reminded of that song White Bird again…

    “white bird in a golden cage
    on a winter’s day
    in the rain.

    white bird
    in a golden cage
    alone.

    the leaves blow
    cross the long black road
    to the darkened skies
    in its rage
    but the white bird
    just sits in her cage
    unknown.

    white bird must fly
    or she will die.
    white bird must fly
    or she will die

    the sunsets come
    the sunsets go
    the clouds float by
    the earth turns slow
    the young bird’s eyes
    do always glow

    she must fly
    she must fly
    she must fly”



  170.  #170Daria on May 4, 2010 at 11:05 pm

    I feel crying!!



  171.  #171Lucy on May 4, 2010 at 11:06 pm

    Siena — I’m having trouble sleeping tonight, and got out of bed to find the comments you wrote to me the other day because I had this nagging feeling that there was something crucial there for me to follow through on….

    “Well, it’s human nature to want what we don’t have. But it’s also within our power to have whatever we want, …which is why it’s important to desire the way a man makes you FEEL instead of the man himself…

    “The way to unstick is to choose the FEELINGS instead of the man. That way, you actually get what you wanted all the time anyway.

    “And if you unstick, he unsticks too, which means that he might in the future be unstuck enough to realize that he desires you.”

    Well, I asked myself, what feelings am I wanting?

    The answer that came to me was “adoration.”

    Online dictionary: “a feeling of profound love (a strong positive emotion of regard and affection) and admiration”

    My Webster’s: “great love, devotion, and respect”

    So, I need to ask for the feeling of adoration?

    What do you think?

    (Thank you! <3)



  172.  #172Daria on May 4, 2010 at 11:11 pm

    i took another negative pregnancy test.

    it may still be too early…

    my hormones feel so STUCK… thats how i feel…

    my blood is not flowing… i feel hot and stuck and icky

    i feel so sad

    anxiety and sadness

    crying

    everyday

    so many times a day

    my heart is breakin

    too many times

    i feel

    so sad

    i feel so stuck

    i want

    my parents to learn communication

    and be happy

    i want

    to feel heard

    not controlled

    i

    really care about my family

    i

    feel so devastatingly close

    to happy

    that i feel so sad

    flow blood flow

    flow blood flow



  173.  #173Daria on May 4, 2010 at 11:15 pm

    oh lucy

    i feel like smiling

    you know

    the shifts feel so small and quiet. like a smile

    what a wonderful thing

    ill read your sign. there is then change and possibility for me too

    i feel afraid

    and

    i feel afraid

    and

    i feel glad

    God is playing with us

    a beautiful game

    i stepped thru the door then



  174.  #174Daria on May 4, 2010 at 11:27 pm

    Shannon – i felt bad and i keep thinking about your post. i feel triggered that i remined you of nails on a chalk board and your child asking you for things

    i felt bad.

    i don’t know what to say really. i want to be open to hear your feelings … and i’m used to feeling very supported and validated by you… and i felt surprised and insecure…

    the truth is i feel weird now and a lil afraid

    i feel icky thinking you might think i want something from you, or making you feel bad

    i feel confused

    i feel confused that my bad feeling feelings sparked your bad feeling feelings and sparked my bad feeling feelings

    i don’t want to be feeling bad at hearing siren’s feelings

    =(

    i feel confused



  175.  #175Daria on May 4, 2010 at 11:31 pm

    I feel guilty. I worry that by sharing my feelings I am running a guilt trip on you. I DONT WANT TO DO THAT

    I FEEL SOOO ANGRY when i think people are running a guilt trip on me

    I FEEL TOTALLY ICKY AND ANGRY

    and i dont want to do that to others

    i lvoe my feelings

    wow that feels like a sigh of relief

    nice
    yay



  176.  #176Siena on May 4, 2010 at 11:32 pm

    Lucy, yes! “I desire to feel adored.”

    Ask, ask and keep asking! And write them down so when it is given to you, you can recognize it and feel gratitude (which just showers more blessings on you).

    I also can’t sleep tonight, was tossing and turning until and image of myself as a huge circular magnet cane to mind. A magnet with a bowl shape. Everything I desire I can being to me and have it rest in me. Wow!

    But only if I stay in this receptive, leaning back, open state.

    The craziness, the overthinking, overfunctioning, chasing men – all that just defeats my own best interests and distracts me from listening deeply to the voice of God within me. That still, silent voice that is impossible to hear above the din of life.

    So it all can rest with me if I desire it to.

    I do desire that. I desire choices, abundance, happiness.



  177.  #177Siena on May 4, 2010 at 11:38 pm

    I don’t want my iPhone autocorrect anymore. I feel pissed that it tried to spell for me and messes up my sentences. Blech!



  178.  #178Lucy on May 4, 2010 at 11:46 pm

    Love this:

    “God is playing with us

    a beautiful game”



  179.  #179Lucy on May 4, 2010 at 11:54 pm

    Siena — What I meant was

    I desire to feel adoration (affection, admiration, devotion, respect) for someone.



  180.  #180Lucy on May 4, 2010 at 11:55 pm

    Daria — Is it okay with you if I use that (#178) for my fb status?



  181.  #181Siena on May 4, 2010 at 11:57 pm

    Lucy, let me amend my last post before I visit Nod.

    “I desire to feel adored by a man I feel proud of.”

    Or however you want to feel about your man. You gotta qualify it, or else the loonies will come out of the woodwork and adore you, but it won’t feel right. (been there. Done that.)

    Nighty night siren sisters 🙂



  182.  #182Siena on May 5, 2010 at 12:01 am

    oh! I misunderstood Lucy. Well then ask that! But be sure to ask for reciprocation as well…

    When I’m tired I get bossy. Please ignore my bossyness. Sweet dreams 🙂



  183.  #183Daria on May 5, 2010 at 12:02 am

    I would say

    I desire to feel adored by a man in an amazing relationship together.

    or I desire to feel adored by a man I am attracted to.

    or

    I desire to feel adored by a man I feel in love with.

    or

    I desire to feel adored by a man I’m in an amazing forever romantic relationship with.

    (there that should cover all bases – i start feeling really insecure and paranoid about covering hehe — i love my fear and doubt!!)

    and wnating perfection!
    i love my desire for safety! and perfection! greatness!

    and Lucy yes. it’s ok to use it for shiggidy.

    i probably wouldn’t ask permission… and I don’t feel bad if you don’t



  184.  #184Lucy on May 5, 2010 at 12:04 am

    Lol, yes, Siena! Right now I have a whole group of adoring fans who are driving me crazy!



  185.  #185Daria on May 5, 2010 at 12:04 am

    oh noooo… not adoration FOR someone!!!

    crash and burn. ship head dives into waters.

    but hey. maybe it will be for yourself!! hehe

    anyway…

    it was a nice feeling whiff of a babystep

    perhaps next time it will come through truly

    besides, you already feel adoration for someone



  186.  #186Daria on May 5, 2010 at 12:06 am

    I feel disappointed!!! GRRRRRRRR

    how am i supposed to use this sign now

    i feel so madddddddddddddddd

    freakin labyrinth

    i want big hedge scissors so i can cut my way right to the center

    freakin masculine charge the center NOWWWWWW

    roarrrrrr

    heheeee



  187.  #187Daria on May 5, 2010 at 12:08 am

    I desire for Lucy to be pursued by at least 3 men that she feels attracted to.



  188.  #188Lucy on May 5, 2010 at 12:11 am

    “Or however you want to feel about your man.”

    I want to feel adoration for him.

    “But be sure to ask for reciprocation as well…”

    See, the beauty of it is that I won’t feel adoration for a man who isn’t adoring me. 🙂



  189.  #189Lucy on May 5, 2010 at 12:16 am

    WOW, Daria!!!

    “I desire for Lucy to be pursued by at least 3 men that she feels attracted to.”

    THANK YOU!!!!

    I feel wide-eyed

    and excited

    and hopeful

    and honored

    and oh my gosh Daria just said I desire for Lucy to be pursued by at least 3 men that she feels attracted to!!!!

    It feels like you just walked up to the counter at the store and matter-of-factly placed your order and the person behind the counter (God) is gonna get it ready and then say here’s your order and hand it to you and it will burst out of your hand like sparkling, electrified confetti and into the sky and shimmer across the country and appear on my doorstep in the form of a man and another man and another man.

    Thank you Daria!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂



  190.  #190Daria on May 5, 2010 at 12:18 am

    I feel triggered.

    I noticed in the past Lucy feeling adoration for TN man and him not adoring her in the way she wanted to be adored (which makes it something less than adored then).

    I desire for her to feel adored by the man she chooses to feel adoration for.



  191.  #191Daria on May 5, 2010 at 12:21 am

    LUCY YAYYY!!!

    that sounds great!! confetti = rockin!!!

    i feel bumping heads with lucy often in the past and i want to feel free of that!

    I feel afraid of triggering lucy with the comment before this.

    I want to feel comfortable speaking totally honestly about everything,

    even when i feel its not my business, i want to feel free to speak 100% what i feel, including with my paretns

    i lvoe my fear

    thank you

    i feel tightened up and i love my tightened up feelingggggg… thank u



  192.  #192Daria on May 5, 2010 at 12:24 am

    in that spirit, heres an LOA lady thats been getting better and better… better said i feel more and more trusting and good reading her

    “”I’d like to believe it does, but this law of attraction (LOA) stuff just doesn’t work,” said someone who was selling LOA products and services online.

    She said she’d done everything she was supposed to: expecting the best, redirecting worrisome thoughts, acting as if, etc. etc. But in seven months she had no signs of success, and decided to throw in the towel on LOA altogether.

    Earlier this year another colleague said to me she felt like believing in LOA was like “drinking the Kool Aid,” meaning deliberate creation was a fantasy distraction that would keep her from doing the real work required to create success.

    I share these examples because there’s something for us to learn from them. I’ve got my own example, too:

    Yesterday afternoon when the two ducks who’ve been nesting in neighborhood flew in after a two day absence, I smiled a friendly hello and said out loud how nice it was to see them again.

    Contrast that to a year ago, when a two day absence on their part inspired some pretty wild negative fantasies about what harm could have befallen them and I would try not to picture that and instead imagine that all was well. When they finally DID show up I felt a flood of relief that they were still in one piece.

    Last year I certainly believed I was doing the work to manage my vibration. I believed I was focusing my attention and sending supportive energy their way.

    This year I notice there’s not much relief present when they show up (although lots more joy). There’s less relief because I wasn’t (nearly as) worried about them. The difference in my response shows me the difference in my vibe. It tells me that last year I wasn’t flowing nearly what I thought I was.

    What I’m saying is this stuff can be easy to fool ourselves about.
    To think we’re dialed in on abundance, when we’re still losing sleep about overdue bills;
    To believe we’re practicing self-love when the majority of our self-talk is still beating ourselves up;
    To feel like we’re focused on dream come true romance when the vibration of loneliness can be sensed by a stranger reading our facebook updates!
    It’s easy to think we’re vibrationally aligned, thinking the good thoughts, seeing the happy results, and yet actually be flowing a counter-vibe all the while.

    There’s an easy way to tell if this is happening to you.

    Are you getting what you want? If so, congratulate yourself! If not, know that it’s not a quirk in the universal laws – it’s because you might not be vibrating what you think you are.

    If you can acknowledge that, kudos to you! You’re already ahead of the game with that!

    It’s the lack of awareness that does in a lot of potential manifesters.

    If you think you’re lined up and still aren’t getting what you want – and it’s been a while since you’ve seen signs it’s coming – it may be time to reevaluate what you’re dialed in on.

    Law of attraction isn’t sporadic or unreliable; we can count on it all the time. If there’s a missing link, it’s not the Universal law gone wonky. It’s our vibe.

    And you know what to do with that! That’s what each of these newsletters are dedicated to accomplish – helping you manage your vibe. Kool-Aid not included. :)”

    Jannette Maw

    http://www.goodvibeuniversity.com/

    I desire to be gently and powerfully led to wonderful resources when i feel hopeless, dreadful or despairing



  193.  #193Lucy on May 5, 2010 at 12:46 am

    Oh. I just saw all the other stuff you wrote before that.

    “but hey. maybe it will be for yourself!!”

    Yes, I do adore myself already.

    “besides, you already feel adoration for someone”

    Yes, myself. I adore myself and I feel adored by me.

    I feel sad that you feel it as a crash and burn.

    I feel totally annoyed by this: “it was a nice feeling whiff of a babystep perhaps next time it will come through truly” because I DON’T WANT to be judged. I love the feeling of not being judged that TN man gives me and I want a man who doesn’t judge me. Feeling judged is one of the worst feelings in the entire world.

    It also feels very weird to see those words. It feels like whoa, what? Um, yeah. It feels like when my older sister made fun of me that time when we were teenagers because she didn’t understand what I meant when I said I can choose what I want to dream before I go to sleep and then I dream it. She laughed and said, “Uh, Lucy, that’s called FANTASIZING. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” And all our friends laughed too. I said, “No, I dream it when I’m asleep. It’s not fantasizing.” But she just kept laughing. Because she THOUGHT she knew what was what but she DID NOT. I want to heal this sister-trigger before I see her this summer. Maybe I can teach my sister FEELING MESSAGES so she stops telling me what she THINKS about me and what she THINKS about the things I do and say. That would feel great! It would feel great to not be judged by my sister anymore. Wow, that would feel great!



  194.  #194Lucy on May 5, 2010 at 1:05 am

    Lots more to write.

    Everything you wrote in #183, Daria, illustrates what I have been trying to say.

    “I desire to feel adored by a man I am attracted to.”

    But I say it this way: I desire to feel attracted to a man who adores me.

    “I desire to feel adored by a man I feel in love with.”

    And I say: I desire to feel in love with a man who adores me.

    The man adoring me is HIS feeling.

    Me adoring him (and “feeling in love with” and “feeling attracted to”) is MY feeling.

    And that is why I felt so happy and excited that you placed that order for me!

    I felt understood! I felt, Daria understands that I want to feel attracted to and in love with and ADORE a man who is pursuing me! Yes! She understands what I have been trying to say! Finally!



  195.  #195Daria on May 5, 2010 at 1:27 am

    Lucy – i feel kinda on eggshells about stepping into your sister pattern…

    i dont want for you to be in love with a man who adores you just with his feelings. i want for you to feel in love with a man who adores you with his actions so that you feel adored as well.

    what i see is a very frequent bouncing into a “but…”explanation””

    off of other sirens’ suggestions or help

    it feels draining, it feels like the sliding off the round glass wall feeling, and i feel frustrated

    i dont WANT to feel like im trying to make you do something you dont want to

    i don’t want to feel not received and not heard

    and you have every right to not hear me receive me

    it feels really frustrating to me though, it doesn’t feel good, i then feel angry and i feel triggered and jugemental…

    and i feel discouraged

    like how can i help this siren. i want to help all the sirens!

    i feel triggered by this energy in so many of your posts
    i feel overwhelmed

    i feel guilty telling you this… i feel the sinking feeling of discouragement

    i would like to shift this… it feels terribly uncomfortable

    thank u

    i feel open to it already being shifted, as in this last post i only feel triggered by a couple things…

    namely talking about his feelings, rather than his doings, and i feel icky thinking about ADORING a man, it feels icky to me… like a huge masculine energy of adoration… an energy mostly for ourselves,

    it feels more than “giving back”

    i feel tightened..

    i feel worriend im either playing into this sister role with you

    or just feeling stuck in my own energy aroun dthis

    i dont want that

    i feel thankful for the openings

    i feel guilty about judging you and the truth is i feel judgemental and i DONT want to feel that way

    tahnk u universe please

    i feel like i cant take this

    ufff

    i feel like waering a heavy ass coat when its not even that cold anymore

    i desire to take off the coat thank u



  196.  #196Daria on May 5, 2010 at 1:30 am

    i feel unsafe and unsure saying that

    i get the feeling of wanting to feel attracted to “good men” men that are pursuing me

    i feel unsure if thats what you mean or even if thats what you “really” mean like really what i mean.

    i feel stuck in a pattern of disagreeing with u

    i would like to feel a shift



  197.  #197Lucy on May 5, 2010 at 1:37 am

    “I noticed in the past Lucy feeling adoration for TN man and him not adoring her in the way she wanted to be adored (which makes it something less than adored then).

    “I desire for her to feel adored by the man she chooses to feel adoration for.”

    Adoration: “a feeling of profound love (a strong positive emotion of regard and affection) and admiration…great love, devotion, and respect”

    Daria, adoring a man means that I FEEL great love and affection and admiration and devotion and respect for him (see definition above).

    Naturally, I will NOT feel all of those feelings wrapped up in the blanket of adoration if a man is not INSPIRING those feelings in me. Which means I will not feel adoration for a man who is not adoring ME.

    I feel puzzled by the lack of acceptance of what *I* want to feel in my relationship. It doesn’t have to be the same as what you want.

    In the past, when I felt adoration for TN man, it was when HE was adoring ME too and I felt COMPLETELY adored by him. I loved feeling adored by him BECAUSE HE WAS A MAN I ADORED!!! Many other men adore me, but I don’t like the way it feels because I don’t adore THEM. I loved the feeling of adoring TN man because that is an amazing feeling for me.

    I don’t adore him right now because, although I still feel love and respect for him, I don’t feel as much affection and admiration and devotion because he is not “stepping up.”

    Maybe, is it possible, that we are saying the same thing in different ways? Lol. Maybe they say things differently on the east coast than on the west coast.



  198.  #198Daria on May 5, 2010 at 1:39 am

    i feel really mad at feeling judgemental over and over… i feel like blaming you for it

    what is the message?

    that i blame myself ? i already knew that

    that i dont receive advice well when i dont feel heard? i already knew that too

    that i “yeah but” people? i knew that too

    so whats my message?

    I DONT WANT TO DO THESE THINGS ANYMORE

    THESE THINGS ARE HOLDING ME BACK!

    “YEAH BUT” I DONT KNOW HOW TO STOP!!!

    I LOVE MY YEAH BUTS

    I Choose to not do these things anyway, even if i don’t know how to stop, i intend to stop and be open to the babysteps that show up on the way

    thank you



  199.  #199Daria on May 5, 2010 at 1:43 am

    OK i scrolled up and I saw (just) this.. will read the rest in in a few seconds

    I will work with this:

    “Maybe, is it possible, that we are saying the same thing in different ways? Lol. Maybe they say things differently on the east coast than on the west coast.”

    yes it’s possible. I feel unheard. No i dont THINK they say things differently on the east coast than the west coast.

    that feels the same glass wall feeling thingy, like running into Thinking.. it feels like glossing over and i dont want to gloss over. i want to go deep.

    I feel mad! i feel triggered! i feel guilty! I don’t want to feel guilty. I don’t want to feel like i’m attacking and judgemental.

    I want to feel free to express how i feel without feeling this way!!!

    I feel like blaming you and i don’t want to blame you.

    I feel frustrated!!!

    off to read the post now



  200.  #200Daria on May 5, 2010 at 1:44 am

    I feel guilty reading my post. My mind says… duh this was a joke.

    my feelings feel like jumping up and down and having a tantrum offff OMG I FEEL SO FRUSTRATED AND DISCONNECTED



  201.  #201Daria on May 5, 2010 at 1:52 am

    I feel like im being explained to. I feel sigh tired reading.

    I also feel a little sparkle. it feels like soemthing like a brilliant grain of sand has shifted, and i would feel happy to see it avalanche to joy joy joy

    I don’t want to feel explained to. i dont want to feel not gotten

    and i dont wnat to feel GUILTY

    i feel really angry at feeling guilty!!

    I feel sad and worried (vocie says) that ive turned another person against me

    that im bugging them

    beinga bugaboo

    i feel angry

    i dont want to hear these voices

    voices i love you. you deserve to be heard, even if i dont want to hear you. thank you…

    i feel a sigh

    i love all my feelings, even the lumpy in my throat ones,
    even the catch in my heart ones,

    even the tightening the bakc of my neck ones

    yes i love my fear

    i love my fear even if it feels bad thank you

    i love my bad feelings

    and that feels like

    a sparkly glimmer

    i llove the sparkly glimmer

    i feel tight in my tongue

    i love the tight in my tongue

    whoa i just did the lifting cloud tool and i feel released

    mm i feel leaned back



  202.  #202Daria on May 5, 2010 at 1:58 am

    I love my guilt!

    I feel triggered now by seeing my name on the recentest comment bar!

    whoa

    i feel like a tighteneing like oh no

    i love my guilt and fear

    and that feels like

    wow it feels like feeling free

    i love my feeling free

    and that feels like

    smiling in my eyes

    i love my smiling in my eyes

    and that feels like

    a catchin and tightening in my chest

    i love the tightening in my chest

    and that feels like

    going to go rest!

    i love my intuition of going to rest



  203.  #203Lucy on May 5, 2010 at 2:05 am

    Daria, I feel like blaming you, too, and I don’t want to blame you either.

    What I see in your posts about me is a very frequent bouncing into your THOUGHTS about my choices and feelings.

    It feels draining to feel misunderstood over and over again. It feels draining to feel like I have to keep standing up for what I want just because someone else thinks I shouldn’t want it or they don’t understand what I am saying. It feels draining to keep reading that someone thinks I am doing something wrong.

    AHA! This is testing my SHAME healing and my boundaries!!!

    This is the universe saying, “Are you SURE you healed that shame? Are you sure I can’t get you to agree with Daria that there is something wrong with you that you’re just not getting it and are dumb and stupid and stubborn and DRAINING?”

    And I keep saying, “No, I will NOT agree that there is something wrong with me and that I am dumb and stupid and stubborn and not getting it and DRAINING! Because it is NOT TRUE!”

    Before I healed my shame I would have hung my head in shame and said, “Oh, yes, it must be true, I must be all those things. Shame on me.”

    But, yay! No matter how many times this happens, I will NOT feel shame. I will keep my boundaries strong. I will not be the blacksheep, scapegoat, difficult child. If people feel triggered by me, it is not because I am doing something wrong, but because they are ready for the teaching/healing/mirror/message revealed in themselves.

    Just like when I am triggered it is because i am ready for the teaching revealed in me. Thank you for this teaching about shame and boundaries. Amen.



  204.  #204Lucy on May 5, 2010 at 2:18 am

    P.S. I do not feel turned against you.

    I appreciate you. I value you. I respect you. I admire you.

    I desire for you to have everything that you want for yourself.

    I desire for you to have a happy home life with your parents and with the family you create with the man of your dreams.

    <3
    Lucy



  205.  #205dawn on May 5, 2010 at 4:16 am

    I hate the mention of craigslist
    women get killed by men there
    It feels desperate
    It feels bad
    Its not for a goddess
    to go looking
    I dont need to hear others pain
    to feel my own
    I know its there
    underneath
    its my past
    Its what made me
    Its why im here
    Ifeel my body buzzy
    all at once
    I feel headachey
    tired
    too much work for one person
    too much to sift through
    People want it given to them
    they dont want to work
    want more than im willing to give
    that was old me
    pleaser
    stupid fucking people pleaser
    i feel clenched fists
    i feel wasted time
    ifeel wasted years
    I feel teary knowing I was a loser
    I feel alive now
    Ifeel a blossoming of new internal energy
    I feel strength
    I feel value in myself
    I feel respect in the process
    i feel i like this return key ! Ha Ha. Who knew



  206.  #206dawn on May 5, 2010 at 4:32 am

    I hate the mention of craigslist
    women get killed by men there
    It feels desperate
    It feels bad
    Its not for a goddess
    to go looking
    I dont need to hear others pain
    to feel my own
    I know its there
    underneath
    its my past
    Its what made me
    Its why im here
    Ifeel my body buzzy
    all at once
    I feel headachey
    tired
    too much work for one person
    too much to sift through
    People want it given to them
    they dont want to work
    want more than im willing to give
    that was old me
    pleaser
    stupid fucking people pleaser
    i feel clenched fists
    i feel wasted time
    ifeel wasted years
    I feel teary knowing I was a loser
    I feel alive now
    Ifeel a blossoming of new internal energy
    I feel strength
    I feel value in myself
    I feel respect in the process
    i feel i like this return key ! Ha Ha. Who knew !
    I dont feel klike im on a treadmill
    I feel good to know im worthy
    Im worthy to do a mans job
    im worthy to get the same pay
    im worthy of the same respect from my boss
    Im worthy to own my own home
    I work hard
    I like feeling sweaty
    i like that tired at end of day
    knowing i made progress
    knowing i made big boss money
    knowing he respects my efforts
    knowing im a credit to society
    I feel good to have skills
    Proud of myself



  207.  #207dawn on May 5, 2010 at 4:33 am

    OOPS !



  208.  #208dawn on May 5, 2010 at 5:20 am

    thinking youve got it together
    is the first step to getting there
    It doesnt matter what anyone else thinks
    life is messy
    people get walked on and forgotten
    If you cant soothe yourself
    why would someone else
    I hate seein sittin around feeling sorry for selves
    too many thoughts
    no action
    a waste

    time is so precious
    no need to hurry though
    time should be spent wisely and thoughtfully
    smelling roses
    smiling at strangers
    helping a friend
    caring for ourselves
    caring for our homes
    taking charge of our own lives



  209.  #209Brenda on May 5, 2010 at 7:55 am

    Lucy, RE: #168 – No, I’m on True.com, not Match. I think I might be better off there, tho. I am not impressed so far…been about a week. Why, wus up? Do you have some good men on there for me?

    BTW, Lucy, I’ve been reading your explanations about compassion and patience with men with special needs. I am totally with you, and I especially liked what you said about giving extra time to a person crossing the street with a cane. I feel much the same with Ryan and his special needs. You express yourself beautifully!



  210.  #210Daria on May 5, 2010 at 10:19 am

    Dawn – I felt really surprised to find out taht in some areas Craigslist is really popular and fun. I have a good friend who uses it and meets very cool normal guys there, and there are some other Goddesses using it too…

    I never have, I’ve always heard it around here as referred to as dangerous and weird as well…

    but i don’t think it’s like that everywhere



  211.  #211Brenda on May 5, 2010 at 10:26 am

    Hi Daria, I dated from craigslist off and on for several years. I am sure there are exceptions to the rule, but I never found a good relationship from it. I concluded the paid websites are worth it, and I believe they attract higher quality people. I may be wrong, but that’s my perception anyway.



  212.  #212Daria on May 5, 2010 at 10:33 am

    Mary I think has met many cool men from Craigslist, and my girfriend also does. I guess in their areas it functions like a casual personals, where typically people feel happy to post ads and theres not the “weird” connotation.



  213.  #213Daria on May 5, 2010 at 10:53 am

    I feel triggered that

    thinking and no action be a waste

    and i do not want to work I DO want it given to me

    this is how i think of me and im told its bad, i feel shame

    i feel triggered by this

    i feel sad

    i want to be treated well by God in the little and the far

    i don’t want to have to

    i dont want to work “hard”

    where do i work “hard”
    ?

    i work hard in feeling my feelings

    i work hard in practicing my tools

    i work hard in writing and reading hte blog

    i work hard in logic games lsat

    i work hard in driving

    i work hard in EFT

    i work hard in energy medicine

    i work hard in herb juice

    i work hard in food

    i work hard in thinking

    i work hard in feeling the world

    i work hard in dance

    this is what i work hard it… and then the irony is that it is easy!

    i Want to do these things that i put my effort in



  214.  #214Brenda on May 5, 2010 at 11:04 am

    Thinking and no action be NOT a waste.

    There’s more to life than increasing its pace.

    You are developing skills and understandings of yourself and the world that will serve you for a lifetime.

    I’ve observed that most people who are into rushing and accumulating wealth are ever-so-shallow. I don’t click with that kind of men. Give me a man who’s been thru the fire and cum out the other side.

    You are in the fire, and you have been thru the fire.

    You feel your spirit, soul, mind, and body. That is beautiful.

    I’ve lost a lot of jobs in the past cuz I have sleep apnea, excessive sleepiness, and depression. Hard to function and stay awake. I have become pretty good at jobhunting, since I’ve had to do it so much. Let me know if I can be of help.

    I’ve also read you are interested in running a business. Click on my name if you want to check a possibility. It may or may not be for you. I’m just barely getting started. I hope to quit my traditional job in the near future.



  215.  #215Registry Cleaner Reviews on May 5, 2010 at 11:32 am

    thank! for this news it’s a good infomation !



  216.  #216Lucy on May 5, 2010 at 4:00 pm

    Thanks, Brenda.

    I was asking about match.com because I am NOT finding any interesting guys there in this area, and since you’re not far away I was wondering how YOU felt about the available men . . . like, if they are just not my “type” or whatever, and someone else would really like them. 🙂



  217.  #217Simply Shannon on May 5, 2010 at 8:32 pm

    Daria: What does “feeling heard” look like for you? Does it look like someone saying “okay, I hear you” and reiterating back what you said? And / or it looks like someone saying “I agree with you”? Or something altogether different? Curious.

    I do feel a little irritated today about the whole temper tantrum thing. And so I’m gonna go out on a limb and say something. Sometimes when I hear you asking for things “I want…”, I feel frustrated. I want to say “just take the first step”. It reminds me of that story about the guy asking God to let him win the lottery. He waits week after week until finally God says to him “BUY A TICKET”. 🙂



  218.  #218Daria on May 5, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    Hi Shannon – I feel a lil attacked.

    I don’t know what feeling heard looks like. I feel confused thinking about that. I know it FEELS like being heard, gotten. And it feels good.

    I feel a lil uncomfortable that i am not having the words to explain what it might look like. I also feel a lil smug that I don’t want to explain.

    I don’t know what “first step” you’re talking about when you are referring to my wants or which wants you are referring to.

    I am guessing you are referring to my desiring success? or money?

    I feel a lil defensive that these riffs (I’m guessing) are triggering you, and I don’t know what temper tantrum thing you are referring to, but it doesn’t feel good to have my expression referred to that way.

    I don’t want to take the first step. Whatever that is… unless i WANT to take that step. I feel stuck in a lil broken record and I’m riffing and recording my broken record thoughts and feelingshere on the blog.

    I don’t want to be saved (like the ship now in my story).

    I am in a pattern of. Ask to be saved. Refuse to be saved. Suffer. Ask to be saved. Refuse to be saved. Suffer. and so on.

    I know the story about the guy asking God for something, etc etc

    well actually the one i know is

    guy is drowning and he asks God to save him. so someone comes in a life boat and says, here get in the boat, and he’s like no, God will save me, and then someone comes and swims to him and says, hey i will pull you to shore, and he says no, God will save me.

    and he drowns

    and then he asks God and God says I DID send u plenty of ways to be saved, but you kept saying no

    well

    this story does not feel good to me. I don’t want to feel confused.

    I don’t want to feel resistance to what I do.

    I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to

    and this is my mind. its operating in I don’t want to.

    I want this healed.

    Thank you.

    I’ve taken lots of first steps. I feel resentful and mad. I don’t want to.

    This resistance feels bad. it feels like it saps my energy.

    It’s a constant and subconscious thing.

    I want it healed.

    I feel really pist!

    I feel weird.

    I love my feelings.

    I don’t want to be talked down to, I don’t want to feel attacked, I don’t want to be told what to do in a patronizing way, I don’t want to feelcontrolled.

    Hear that universe?

    I want to feel supported. I want to feel nurtured. I want to feel free.

    I want to “do it myself” I want it to be easy. I want to be supported by other people.

    I want to feel proud of myself.

    I don’t want to feel smashed with fists and walls and words.

    I don’t want to feel overwhlemed shut down and flooded.

    I don’t want to feel hopeless.

    I don’t want to feel stuck.

    Whats the first step to getting your period?

    Whats the first step to healing my urinary tract?

    i feel pist

    is it the tons of lil steps i take each and everyday for months and months

    is it soothing the terror when it comes up and shakes and tightens me

    i feel so mad.

    i have this energy grid holding this energy in place and I think Shannon has been pulled into it.

    I don’t want this energy grid anymore.

    I DO WANT to feel safe.

    I don’t want the energy grid and I don’t want to feel unsafe

    I don’t want them to be tradeoffs.

    rearrange

    rearrange

    i don’t want to feel coerced.

    I feel sigh that feels good

    i feel blank numb

    I feel so WEAK.

    clearly this is some of those collective memory pattern thingy

    i want to REMOVE this out my energy body, energy field physical body etc

    thank you for being here and now i want to feel good

    I feel drained already

    so weak

    in this

    i love my feelings



  219.  #219Daria on May 6, 2010 at 12:11 am

    Hi Shannon – I feel a lil attacked.

    I don’t know what feeling heard looks like. I feel confused thinking about that. I know it FEELS like being heard, gotten. And it feels good.

    I feel a lil uncomfortable that i am not having the words to explain what it might look like. I also feel a lil smug that I don’t want to explain.

    I don’t know what “first step” you’re talking about when you are referring to my wants or which wants you are referring to.

    I am guessing you are referring to my desiring success? or money?

    I feel a lil defensive that these riffs (I’m guessing) are triggering you, and I don’t know what temper tantrum thing you are referring to, but it doesn’t feel good to have my expression referred to that way.

    I don’t want to take the first step. Whatever that is… unless i WANT to take that step. I feel stuck in a lil broken record and I’m riffing and recording my broken record thoughts and feelingshere on the blog.

    I don’t want to be saved (like the ship now in my story).

    I am in a pattern of. Ask to be saved. Refuse to be saved. Suffer. Ask to be saved. Refuse to be saved. Suffer. and so on.

    I know the story about the guy asking G od for something, etc etc

    well actually the one i know is

    guy is drowning and he asks G od to save him. so someone comes in a life boat and says, here get in the boat, and he’s like no, G od will save me, and then someone comes and swims to him and says, hey i will pull you to shore, and he says no, G od will save me.

    and he drowns

    and then he asks G od and G od says I DID send u plenty of ways to be saved, but you kept saying no

    well

    this story does not feel good to me. I don’t want to feel confused.

    I don’t want to feel resistance to what I do.

    I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to

    and this is my mind. its operating in I don’t want to.

    I want this healed.

    Thank you.

    I’ve taken lots of first steps. I feel resentful and mad. I don’t want to.

    This resistance feels bad. it feels like it saps my energy.

    It’s a constant and subconscious thing.

    I want it healed.

    I feel really pist!

    I feel weird.

    I love my feelings.

    I don’t want to be talked down to, I don’t want to feel attacked, I don’t want to be told what to do in a patronizing way, I don’t want to feelcontrolled.

    Hear that universe?

    I want to feel supported. I want to feel nurtured. I want to feel free.

    I want to “do it myself” I want it to be easy. I want to be supported by other people.

    I want to feel proud of myself.

    I don’t want to feel smashed with fists and walls and words.

    I don’t want to feel overwhlemed shut down and flooded.

    I don’t want to feel hopeless.

    I don’t want to feel stuck.

    Whats the first step to getting your period?

    Whats the first step to healing my urinary tract?

    i feel pist

    is it the tons of lil steps i take each and everyday for months and months

    is it soothing the terror when it comes up and shakes and tightens me

    i feel so mad.

    i have this energy grid holding this energy in place and I think Shannon has been pulled into it.

    I don’t want this energy grid anymore.

    I DO WANT to feel safe.

    I don’t want the energy grid and I don’t want to feel unsafe

    I don’t want them to be tradeoffs.

    rearrange

    rearrange

    i don’t want to feel coerced.

    I feel sigh that feels good

    i feel blank numb

    I feel so WEAK.

    clearly this is some of those collective memory pattern thingy

    i want to REMOVE this out my energy body, energy field physical body etc

    thank you for being here and now i want to feel good

    I feel drained already

    so weak

    in this

    i love my feelings

    the backfixbodywork guy says… in the past life scenarios are playing themselves out while im thinking its the currenty day affecting me its actually those… and that feeling weak is the life force leaving… so that would be good… that means if i were releasing the energies then i am close to death in that scene and soon i will fly to the clouds yay and it will be cleared

    however i’ve gotten stuck with teh thought that the only way to remove the energies is to work with him doing his technique

    which feels limiting, not the least because… its felt freakin scary and icky and weird to play out extreme energy situations…

    but he says — you gotta get it out the body ( i could do it by myself but agian, its scary)

    do stretches, and then FEEL where the energy is stuck in my body and verbalize what the person attacking me said in that situation 3 times in a row… then i will get the idea of the enxt thing they said and so on

    and lready i feel overwhelmed now

    crap

    well

    the truth is i have started stretching a few days ago

    and thats very important cuz it loosens the tissues for the energies to release and be cognized in my brain

    so there we go

    i wonder if EFT removes energies from the tissues, since its tapping and vibrating the body and verbalize

    the Lefkoe lady said no way it will work just doing Lefkoe, but it didnt’. They came back. Tho the initial shift was profound. more profound then anything.

    but just like backfixbodywork guy said, I attracted a situation wihcih brought back the feelings, crashing.

    i guess the energies were still stuck in my body

    sigh

    i want to feel comfortable releaseing my own energies from my body

    i don’t want to feel scared

    i don’t want to feel overwhelmed

    i don’t want to feel bad

    i feel tired

    i feel like a cartoon character where they numb his mind everytime he thinks of a certain thing. hehe

    yes this is definitely just like that trauma release thing i did…

    okay well

    i’ve declared i want healing

    Angels please help me thank u

    and please help me get my blood flowing i can feel the achiness thank u



  220.  #220Daria on May 6, 2010 at 12:48 am

    Hi Shannon – I feel a lil attacked.

    I don’t know what feeling heard looks like. I feel confused thinking about that. I know it FEELS like being heard, gotten. And it feels good.

    I feel a lil uncomfortable that i am not having the words to explain what it might look like. I also feel a lil smug that I don’t want to explain.

    I don’t know what “first step” you’re talking about when you are referring to my wants or which wants you are referring to.

    I am guessing you are referring to my desiring success? or money?

    I feel a lil defensive that these riffs (I’m guessing) are triggering you, and I don’t know what temper tantrum thing you are referring to, but it doesn’t feel good to have my expression referred to that way.

    I don’t want to take the first step. Whatever that is… unless i WANT to take that step. I feel stuck in a lil broken record and I’m riffing and recording my broken record thoughts and feelingshere on the blog.

    I don’t want to be saved (like the ship now in my story).

    I am in a pattern of. Ask to be saved. Refuse to be saved. Suffer. Ask to be saved. Refuse to be saved. Suffer. and so on.

    I know the story about the guy asking G. od for something, etc etc

    well actually the one i know is

    guy is drowning and he asks G. od to save him. so someone comes in a life boat and says, here get in the boat, and he’s like no, G. od will save me, and then someone comes and swims to him and says, hey i will pull you to shore, and he says no, G. od will save me.

    and he drowns

    and then he asks G .od and G .od says I DID send u plenty of ways to be saved, but you kept saying no

    well

    this story does not feel good to me. I don’t want to feel confused.

    I don’t want to feel resistance to what I do.

    I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to

    and this is my mind. its operating in I don’t want to.

    I want this healed.

    Thank you.

    I’ve taken lots of first steps. I feel resentful and mad. I don’t want to.

    This resistance feels bad. it feels like it saps my energy.

    It’s a constant and subconscious thing.

    I want it healed.

    I feel really pist!

    I feel weird.

    I love my feelings.

    I don’t want to be talked down to, I don’t want to feel attacked, I don’t want to be told what to do in a patronizing way, I don’t want to feelcontrolled.

    Hear that universe?

    I want to feel supported. I want to feel nurtured. I want to feel free.

    I want to “do it myself” I want it to be easy. I want to be supported by other people.

    I want to feel proud of myself.

    I don’t want to feel smashed with fists and walls and words.

    I don’t want to feel overwhlemed shut down and flooded.

    I don’t want to feel hopeless.

    I don’t want to feel stuck.

    Whats the first step to getting your period?

    Whats the first step to healing my urinary tract?

    i feel pist

    is it the tons of lil steps i take each and everyday for months and months

    is it soothing the terror when it comes up and shakes and tightens me

    i feel so mad.

    i have this energy grid holding this energy in place and I think Shannon has been pulled into it.

    I don’t want this energy grid anymore.

    I DO WANT to feel safe.

    I don’t want the energy grid and I don’t want to feel unsafe

    I don’t want them to be tradeoffs.

    rearrange

    rearrange

    i don’t want to feel coerced.

    I feel sigh that feels good

    i feel blank numb

    I feel so WEAK.

    clearly this is some of those collective memory pattern thingy

    i want to REMOVE this out my energy body, energy field physical body etc

    thank you for being here and now i want to feel good

    I feel drained already

    so weak

    in this

    i love my feelings

    the backfixbodywork guy says… in the past life scenarios are playing themselves out while im thinking its the currenty day affecting me its actually those… and that feeling weak is the life force leaving… so that would be good… that means if i were releasing the energies then i am close to death in that scene and soon i will fly to the clouds yay and it will be cleared

    however i’ve gotten stuck with teh thought that the only way to remove the energies is to work with him doing his technique

    which feels limiting, not the least because… its felt freakin scary and icky and weird to play out extreme energy situations…

    but he says — you gotta get it out the body ( i could do it by myself but agian, its scary)

    do stretches, and then FEEL where the energy is stuck in my body and verbalize what the person attacking me said in that situation 3 times in a row… then i will get the idea of the enxt thing they said and so on

    and lready i feel overwhelmed now

    crap

    well

    the truth is i have started stretching a few days ago

    and thats very important cuz it loosens the tissues for the energies to release and be cognized in my brain

    so there we go

    i wonder if EFT removes energies from the tissues, since its tapping and vibrating the body and verbalize

    the Lefkoe lady said no way it will work just doing Lefkoe, but it didnt’. They came back. Tho the initial shift was profound. more profound then anything.

    but just like backfixbodywork guy said, I attracted a situation wihcih brought back the feelings, crashing.

    i guess the energies were still stuck in my body

    sigh

    i want to feel comfortable releaseing my own energies from my body

    i don’t want to feel scared

    i don’t want to feel overwhelmed

    i don’t want to feel bad

    i feel tired

    i feel like a cartoon character where they numb his mind everytime he thinks of a certain thing. hehe

    yes this is definitely just like that trauma release thing i did…

    okay well

    i’ve declared i want healing

    Angels please help me thank u

    and please help me get my blood flowing i can feel the achiness thank u



  221.  #221Daria on May 6, 2010 at 12:50 am

    omgosh after i wrote my long post (hasnt come thru yet)

    I found an awesome video on how to hire outsourced workers for my business… for cheap!

    and shows how to really do it step by step

    so exciteing!!!

    i feel exciting!

    thank you God



  222.  #222Brenda on May 6, 2010 at 6:42 am

    Hi Daria, will you share the web address of the video, if it’s online?



  223.  #223Daria on May 6, 2010 at 10:00 am


  224.  #224Daria on May 6, 2010 at 10:21 am

    Brenda – we can talk about buddying up and splitting the costs..

    my email is magicgoddessmedicinewoman@gmail.com



  225.  #225betsy on May 8, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    Hi Rori,

    I think I am a little different than most of your readers. I am 66 and was married for 38 years. I have spent the last 6 years learning and growing, including recognizing my inner goddess who expresses feelings readily. I believe because I am so comfortable with myself, that I am authentic. Here is my problem. For the first time in 3 years, I met a man whom I really, really enjoyed. I wanted to get to know him better. I still planned on circular dating. He seemed to be enjoying me, as well. He contacted me first online. We had 2 dates that lasted a bit longer than my usual dates. We went for a hike and then lunch and then we had so much to talk about. I left first. After the 2nd date, I believe I believe I had the masculine energy and invited him to my son’s brewpub for a beer. (He is a home brewer). We went and he enjoyed it. During both dates, there was handholding, great conversations where we recognized that we had a lot in common, and mutual goals, along with a great amount of playfulness and laughing. I appreciated to him, all the little things he did for me and the qualities that I liked. He kissed me on the lips with pecks, held my hand, grasped my cheek with his hands, ran his fingers through my hair. I felt that I definitely wanted to know more about this man. He invited me for a third date and gave me a choice of days. My friend and I were going to be right next to where he works, at a blues
    club, where we had plans for over a month, and I invited him to join us, and teased him about “hassling him on his dingy”. He is a captain on a short cruise line in the bay. He sent back a great email, very energetically inviting us to join him on his boat. We had a wonderful time. He gave me his seat and put his jacket over my shoulders. When we left, he said, I’d like to kiss you, and gave me a kiss, then “I’ll call you”. At the time I knew that commentt felt “off.” I have now learned that I should have told him that the comment felt “off”. I didn’t. A week later he sent me a note telling me that he enjoyed having my friend and I aboard. In that note, he said that he would “be in touch”. (He had said that in an earlier email, and actually continued contact.)He also sent me some wildflowers as an email. I ,a week later, sent him an email telling him what a great time we had and I was so grateful and appreciative for the opportunity.
    I am waiting to hear from him that was 9 days ago. I will lean back. It’s hard. (He is widowed and has been single for 18 months. He is the same age and was married over 30 years.) Maybe he is just a practice model. So, my question is two fold. After each date where he has done all the leaning forward, I sent thank you notes. Is that masculine energy? Should I just thank him when we are through the date and that’s it? Second question. I believe I demonstrated a lot of feminine energy expressing a lot of emotions. I am wondering if I exhibited too much leaning forward when I invited him to my son’s brewpub after our hike and lunch, and when I invited him to join my friend and I at a blues club. Or maybe the timing is off. He seemed so appreciative of being in my presense. life. Any suggestions about how this might be “saved”? I sense a really good, compatible man on many levels. He is looking like a “maybe” right now.



  226.  #226RENEE on May 8, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    Hi Rori,

    I am not saying I am not going to order any of your products but I am saying that I have e-mailed you before and you never e-mailed me back except to send me information to order your books or cds. I have a difficult situation and I wanted to know if your books would help this situation or if they would just help me with the next. The exboy friend I used to date married another woman and then tried to get me to see him while he was married to her then he comes back after he gets divorced and says he wants to date me but does not want a commitment with anyone. I am not seeing him right now because I got so frustrated. I feel this man is a hubitual game player and will always run around on anyone. Are you saying this type of person can be commited to only me if I just change the way I act to him or react to him? Because I am feeling this type of person will not change and maybe it is time after 15 years of seeing him not change it is time to scrap that and look for someone else or more so get more healthy myself and hope a great man shows up in my life. I am a good person a deserves someone who will commit to only me. If this person tried to cheat on his wife with me wouldn’t he try this on me as well if he was married to me. I think he has commitment issues?
    Please answer me,

    Thank You,

    Renee Gilbert



  227.  #227Rori Raye on May 8, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    Renee – Hi – I’m so swamped I just can’t answer personal emails – so sorry – but here, I’ll answer you the first time you comment! – From what you say – you’re absolutely right. You dated him, he chose another woman, now he says he wants no commitment. Seems pretty clear to me…stay away from him and, yes meet the man who wants YOU – forever. And yes, my books and programs will help you do this. Love, Rori



  228.  #228registry cleaner on June 16, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    I 100% agree with your way of thinking. Everything makes complete sense now, thanks a lot.