Free Coaching With My New Rori Raye Coach Trainees!

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celebrateHere’re the new RRRCT 2014 Coach Trainees – and you can get coached for free by any or all of them!

Check out their websites (all very new…), see who you’d like to try out – and contact them directly.

Some have scheduling software already, some don’t…and they are ALL excellent!

Feel free to try out ALL of them (that’s almost 20 hours of free coaching!) – and yet, my guess is that you’ll quickly get such great help and results from the first few ones you try – you’ll stick with them for very inexpensive coaching packages.

Here they are:

http://www.kristianncoaching.com

http://www.powertolove.com

http://www.befirstinhisheart.com

http://www.carlabarnescoaching.com

http://www.DuffyCoaching.com

http://www.AnitaAngelesCoaching.com

http://www.juliebeelifecoaching.com

http://www.coachingbyjameelight.com

http://www.poppybyronscoaching.com

http://www.marycatherinecoaching.com

http://www.stephanieturnercoaching.com

http://www.lovecoachnatalina.com

http://www.irresistibleinlove.com.

http://www.kristinalanerelationshipcoaching.com

http://www.lisabrookscoaching.com

http://www.CoachVioletta.com

 

There are six more wonderful coach Trainees whose websites aren’t up yet – I’ll add them to this list as soon as they are!

Note: If you’d like to write me personally with feedback on any of my Trainees – or what you think of their websites as far as they’ve gotten – please email my assistant Melanie@CoachRori.com – and she’ll forward your feedback to me!

AND – Only some of their newsletters are working (sites are under construction) – most “subscriber boxes” are up as “tests” and aren’t really connected yet – so just email them to set up your free session….and if they have their free reports ready, they’ll email them to you!

*Also – I’ll be starting Rori Raye Coach Training for 2015 on January 19th – so if you’d like to talk about becoming a coach, the way these fabulous women have – let me know! The page with info is at:

http://www.CoachRori.com/be-a-rori-raye-relationship-coach/

 

Love, Rori

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707 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on September 3, 2014 at 2:14 am

    Wow! The world is becoming a better place



  2.  #2Tatia on September 3, 2014 at 6:34 pm

    Hi Sirens!

    Love,

    Tatia



  3.  #3prplpsn28 on September 3, 2014 at 6:36 pm

    ๐Ÿ™‚



  4.  #4Femininewoman on September 3, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    Oh wow. The blog is back up.



  5.  #5Rori Raye on September 3, 2014 at 10:10 pm

    Tatia – everyone – This is Tatia – yes, one of my amazing new coaches! Some of the sites are down (they’re all under construction) – be sure to keep clicking through and get to know each of the coaches, they each have a very unique personal story and point of view, and get some great, free coaching! Tatia – you rock! Love, Rori



  6.  #6Indigo on September 3, 2014 at 10:32 pm

    I am feeling overwrought today.

    I seem to have come to the realization that my beautiful new job may not be so perfect for me after all. Perhaps I didn’t fully think it through before starting, or maybe I was so relieved at the thought of a great salary after 2 months of worrying about money. Anyway, I don’t want to get into self-recriminations.

    My boss is a demanding person in terms of attention. He is not a horrible person, and I don’t find him intimidating or anything… it is just like working for someone with ADHD. When he is in the office he will call you 5, 6, 7, 8 times in a day to come to his office (with his secretary it is far more). When he is not in the office, he phones in 8 or 9 times. He micromanages dreadfully and treats you like a small child. It is wreaking havoc with my introverted, intelligent personality. It is just too much unnecessary people interaction.

    I chatted to D about it yesterday because he is much the same way as I am, and it was very nice because he validated me and said he thought I should find another job.

    I crave peace and quiet. I am a deep thinking, thorough worker and I need to get absorbed in my work. I miss my editing job where I could do just that, and often went days without a meeting or even needing to talk to my colleagues or boss. I could just get on with my work.



  7.  #7Emerson on September 3, 2014 at 10:51 pm

    Wow so interesting thanks Rori!



  8.  #8Femininewoman on September 4, 2014 at 2:16 am

    Hi Tatia. I was checking out your site. I love that smile. I love that “feel in a twirl”, “beautiful mess”. I felt like laughing when I read those words. They seem to suggest a sunshiny personality.



  9.  #9Azure Blu on September 4, 2014 at 6:48 am

    Thanks Rori…
    I have clicked on quite a few of the coaches sites… some of them are up and running with good help right away!

    Tatia, I enjoyed YOUR site… lots of great helpful insights and I liked your video also… Thank you!



  10.  #10Azure Blu on September 4, 2014 at 6:50 am

    Indigo #6
    Mmmmm… sooo sorry this new job isn’t a very good fit…
    Has the boss gotten worse about calling or has it diminished since you started this job?



  11.  #11Phoenix on September 4, 2014 at 8:02 am

    #8 Femininewoman says: Hi Tatia. I was checking out your site. I love that smile. I love that โ€œfeel in a twirlโ€, โ€œbeautiful messโ€. I felt like laughing when I read those words. They seem to suggest a sunshiny personality.

    Hi Femininewoman:

    Thank you for your lovely words! It feels wonderful that you “got” just what I was feeling when I wrote that piece! And thanks for checking out my page!

    Love,

    Tatia



  12.  #12Tatia on September 4, 2014 at 8:03 am

    #8 Femininewoman says: Hi Tatia. I was checking out your site. I love that smile. I love that โ€œfeel in a twirlโ€, โ€œbeautiful messโ€. I felt like laughing when I read those words. They seem to suggest a sunshiny personality.

    Hi Femininewoman:

    Thank you for your lovely words! It feels wonderful that you โ€œgotโ€ just what I was feeling when I wrote that piece! And thanks for checking out my page!

    Love,

    Tatia



  13.  #13Natalina on September 4, 2014 at 8:06 am

    Hello Sirens!

    Very very very Excited to Meet as many of you as Possible!!

    Love,
    Natalina



  14.  #14Natalina on September 4, 2014 at 8:09 am

    Feminine Woman: I totally agree with you having more of “Rori” in the World will Change EVERYTHING.

    I know this is pretty much one of THE BEST decisions I have ever made, to become a Rori Raye Relationship Coach



  15.  #15Tatia on September 4, 2014 at 8:16 am

    #9 Azure Blu says: Tatia, I enjoyed YOUR siteโ€ฆ lots of great helpful insights and I liked your video alsoโ€ฆ Thank you!

    Hi Azure Blu:

    I’m glad you liked my video and found my site helpful! Thank you!

    Love, Tatia



  16.  #16Femininewoman on September 4, 2014 at 8:20 am

    I loved the graphics around the energy exchange. Seems it helped things to sink it. Amazing I did not recognize that I was so “visual” all these years. I also got the free report. I like how you give examples and suggestions about how to handle things. It feels very supportive.



  17.  #17Tatia on September 4, 2014 at 8:27 am

    Indigo # 6

    I hear you on dealing with the feeling of being micromanaged! I’ve been there too in various jobs.

    I understand that you’re feeling overwrought right now.

    You know, in our soup of feelings we’re experiencing a whole bunch of feelings at one time.

    While you’re embracing that one feeling and looking at the situation, why not also dig deep down for another more empowering feeling to focus on?

    I’m sure you worked hard to get that job and was chosen over others! I’m also you’re great at what you do!

    Your boss’ micromanaging may be something negative going on with him, but that’s his personal issue.

    Right now, try to breathe into the awareness that you’re fabulous and great at what you do – feeling and acknowledging all of your feelings! This way you’re only being triggered for this little while and can jump up out of this temporary pit stop and move on into the other great things you’re feeling and experiencing today!

    What do you think?

    Love, Tatia



  18.  #18Tatia on September 4, 2014 at 8:32 am

    Femininewoman

    OMG, you read my report already??!!! LOL, you are amazing! Thank you so much!

    I put my heart, soul and experience into writing that to share with everyone!

    The graphics were key because during a coaching session I can easily describe the energy connection verbally, so I needed the graphics to put that same picture in a woman’s mind quickly as she’s reading it.

    Your feed-back is so valuable and uplifting to me! Thank you again!!!

    Love,

    Tatia



  19.  #19Helena Hart on September 4, 2014 at 10:26 am

    Go Tatia!!! It’s so awesome to see your website up, it’s amazing!! You totally rock! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Love, Helena



  20.  #20Tatia on September 4, 2014 at 11:12 am

    Thank you Helena!!! ๐Ÿ˜€

    Love,

    Tatia



  21.  #21Femininewoman on September 4, 2014 at 11:13 am

    Tatia I am going to add “amazing” to the list of things that I am. Thank you for pointing it out to me. That had me feeling glowy inside and thinking “aww I am getting better and better at making people feel good”. I felt touched by the “I put my heart, soul and experience into writing that to share with everyone!” As if I unconsciously communicated that I valued your hard work.

    Wow. Now I feel good about myself ๐Ÿ™‚



  22.  #22IamHis on September 4, 2014 at 11:15 am

    I am fasting and praying today. I haven’t done this in about a year, but it seems to help with decision-making and clarity.

    Some of you who have read me before might remember “Seenmecry” the guy who saw me cry, so I just gave him that nickname. SMC.

    He had a girlfriend, and I broke off our friendship by sending him a message on facebook (I wish I had done it differently, but I needed it to be over.)

    He won’t stop staring at me. His now wife is pregnant and sitting next to him and he won’t stop staring at me. It feels…awful.

    I’ve prayed about it so much, and every time I see him I come to the same conclusion: I do not want to be friends with this man or his wife. I do not feel comfortable around this man or his wife.

    When he stares at me, it feels like he’s challenging me. I feel…guilty for breaking off the friendship when he stares like that. I feel extremely exposed.

    His gaze is so intense it feels like he’s burning holes into my skin.

    I feel angry when he stares at me like that.

    I really cared about him as a friend, but I knew that I did not want be less than the number one woman in his life. It felt lousy and cheap how he would make a point to seek me out when she wasn’t with him.

    It felt lousy when he would ignore me.

    It felt weird and uncomfortable when he was with her and staring at me; I know what he wants is for me to befriend her and for us to all be happy go lucky friends and frolic in fields of daisies, but that is not what I want.

    I don’t like her.
    She has always acted threatened by me.
    She doesn’t have any girlfriends.
    I do not trust women who do not have girlfriends.

    My feelings about him have changed as well. I no longer trust him or feel safe with him. The way he looks at me now feels almost threatening.

    I do not know how to handle this situation. I don’t want to be around them, but we go to the same church, and I do not want to leave it just because of them. That would feel infuriating, and like I let him/them win.

    The thing that upsets me the most is that I’m interested in a friend of his.

    I’ve grown to truly care about his friend. He is a leader, so caring towards other people, always looking to help other people out, so good to his Mom and siblings.

    I also care about him because like me, he has never been in a serious relationship. He is very cute, just lacks confidence. He used to be slightly overweight, but he has a lot of muscle now, and I think he looks perfect, flaws and all.

    It finally felt like he was getting some courage with me. He hugged me for the first time, and it was such a sweet embrace.

    He was sitting with them when I ran into them, and I could have walked over to create a double couple kind of situation but I still do not feel good around SMC and his pregnant wife.

    SMC was looking at me more blatantly than his cute, but lacking in confidence friend was. The thing is, I think he is a better guy than so many guys who have plenty of confidence.

    Feedback will feel great.



  23.  #23IamHis on September 4, 2014 at 11:20 am

    I feel so triggered by SMC. I feel like crying right now just thinking about him and the way he was looking at me last night.

    I really like his friend, who I have gotten to know separately. I feel so much safer with him, and he makes me feel like I’m the only girl in the room.



  24.  #24IamHis on September 4, 2014 at 11:35 am

    I feel weird saying that I do not like her. Once, she looked like she wanted to talk to me, and I felt touched by it, but I still didn’t want to be friends.

    I just didn’t feel strong enough for it.

    I still feel the rejection. Rejected is not an emotion. So what is the emotion? Abandoned is not an emotion.

    I feel/felt hollow. Like something that was supposed to be a part of me was carved out.

    Is hollow an emotion? It’s a feeling.

    I felt fear. Fear of what I knew I was capable of feeling. I did not want to feel it.

    Maybe I just really need to let myself feel what I’m feeling when he stares.

    I don’t think I’m letting myself feel what I’m feeling. Actually I know I’m not.

    What was I feeling last night?

    Uncomfortable, but there’s more to it than that.

    I felt…small.
    I felt…guilty.
    I felt…sad and angry.

    I’ve never been in a situation like this before. Where I’ve purposefully broken a friendship off, and have had no desire to pick it back up.

    Being friends with him would feel so painful.
    Heck, seeing him feels incredibly painful.

    I feel like I lost a really good friend, but I swear I needed to do it. I needed to feel my own power and my own strength. I needed to say “no” to something I wanted.

    Feeling super teary right now. and embarrassed. I don’t even know if I’m going to make sense to anyone…



  25.  #25Azure Blu on September 4, 2014 at 11:39 am

    FW #21
    huggsss…. amazing YOU!!!



  26.  #26Natalina on September 4, 2014 at 11:40 am

    23: IamHis:

    OH! it is SO EASY to get lost in that nasty confusion sandwich, I know just how awful that feels, and you brought up SO many points about what is going on with him, I would love to see more of you- what you DO want.

    I grew up in a very religious background, and know how difficult it can be to be sitting SO close to someone who isnt giving you what you want.

    I would love to do a free session with you and we can untangle some of the pain and confusion
    http://lovecoachnatalina.com/connect/

    Love,
    Natalina



  27.  #27IamHis on September 4, 2014 at 11:45 am

    wow, thank you Natalina! Your support feels great. ๐Ÿ™‚



  28.  #28Azure Blu on September 4, 2014 at 11:58 am

    IamHis…
    Sweet, darling Siren…
    You are making total since!!!
    And YOU are doing amazing by standing by YOUR boundaries… Soooo self LOVING!!!

    I too am very suspicious of a woman who doesn’t have female friends…
    There is NO reason for you to get caught up in this three way circus!!!
    Give yourself MUCH love!!!



  29.  #29IamHis on September 4, 2014 at 12:00 pm

    I want to be happy. I want to serve the less fortunate. I want to love with all the love I have inside me, which feels limitless. I want close friends and family. I want a supportive community where I feel safe being vulnerable, where I can help others feel more not alone.

    From a man; I want a leader. I want a masculine man who will pursue me, ask me on dates, make me feel special, make me feel like the only woman there is.



  30.  #30IamHis on September 4, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    Azure Blu, do you have any idea how thankful I am for you? ((((((AzureBlu))))))



  31.  #31Tatia on September 4, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    IamHis (((((((HUGS))))))))



  32.  #32Azure Blu on September 4, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    IamHis #30…
    I feel sooo warm and loved… thank you for saying that!!
    More Hugggs to you too!!



  33.  #33Tatia on September 4, 2014 at 12:08 pm

    Hi Natalina!!



  34.  #34Tatia on September 4, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    Femininewoman

    ๐Ÿ˜€



  35.  #35Natalina on September 4, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    TATIA!! hey ๐Ÿ˜€



  36.  #36nyx on September 4, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    @ Iamhis

    You are making sense, and i think you are handling this in the way any pregnant woman could wish for when her man’s eyes are straying… you show you have standards and do not want to get tangled up in their relationship. I do feel sorry for her… In these situations I blame the partner who seems to be looking for an opportunity to be unfaithful. Yuck! (As in: if you cannot be faithful to one partner, why not stay single so you’re free to pursue anyone?)

    The nice guy you describe sound like the kind that delivers way more than he promises- I hope you will get closer to him ๐Ÿ™‚ But keep on CD-ing! Carefully…

    I wouldn’t change church. It is your place as much as theirs ๐Ÿ™‚

    (Oh and for what it’s worth I am very wary of women with only male friends, too. The only ones with no girlfriends I’ve seen-so far, at least- are women who lost all their female friends by bedding or flirting extremely aggressively with their female friends’ husbands/boyfriends.)

    Stay strong, Iamhis- you are doing this wonderfully ๐Ÿ™‚



  37.  #37Kim on September 4, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    Hello!!
    Whew Indigo, that would drive me nutso also….I am doing some work for a friend right now and I am so thankful for having a few $$$ come in yet..OMG she keeps interrupting me and asking me three things at once, or gets really demanding and upset about something and asks me to call someone and complain on her behalf…and ‘give them hell’…
    which is ABSOLUTELY NOT my personality at all…so believe me, I hear ya.
    I try to concentrate on the good things, I e having a little money coming in and accept the other stuff as a temporary nuisance but unsure as to how I would deal with it if it was a permanent job…is he like that with everyone?
    It may in fact be ADHD and control freak behavior ..in which case it might not change and I understand it would be very difficult to express your feelings about that when it is your boss.
    One time a boss screamed at me (one time too many, I had had enough), and I said it feels scary to be screamed at and he told me to pack my things and go.
    Happy Days.
    In the end I was glad I left that horrible place but at the time my income came to an abrupt hold – very frightening.



  38.  #38Veronica on September 4, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    (((((IamHis)))))



  39.  #39Kim on September 4, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    I just sold the keyboard MrP bought for me once. No more hanging on to that sentimental stuff..feels like a weight dropped off my shoulders….making space for new and good things!!



  40.  #40Veronica on September 4, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    I feel disconnected. like it’s noisy and threads are not quite being put back together.

    As though I want to uninvolve myself from people and things around me. I don’t feel motivated to connect with people. I’m missing my own verve. I’m hoping taking care of me will bring me back to some kind of enthusiasm that drives me or helps me to open up to deeper quieter passion.

    The uninvolvement has been creeping up for a couple of days now. I don’t want to even get into my own body, wanting to be distracted.



  41.  #41Kim on September 4, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    Aaaaaand in other news….well, MoM, the guy I have been dating on and off for over a year and remember, my latest drama with the ex and me stepping back.
    Well, since I did not answer his email – there was no need really – he has been badgering me with texts and emails, wanting to talk.
    This was so unlike him, really, he is a quiet man and I am not used to that at all…he must have realized that I opted out of it, and actually giving up arguing and trying to justifying my feelings rationally etc – it felt great. It felt so good just letting it all go. And in a way, I guess I had my answer right there. After two days of sadness, I felt light and content and peaceful.

    And he was BEGGING me to talk to him, he wants to clarify things and so on. I can’t say that I am all that interested in hearing what he has to say…
    But I said yes in the end, more out of common courtesy than anything else. I am not feeling very enthusiastic and I have really stepped away, and I even said as much, I told him how peaceful I felt since stepping away from it all..and he said he wants me to feel peaceful with him in my life.

    I will let him talk – again…and listen. Nothing else. I am not even saying ‘but’ because I feel a little intrigued how he would want to turn this situation around.

    He said I am his dream woman.I did refrain from commenting on that…I had a lot of facetious comments on the tip of my tongue, believe me…sometimes it is good to control the impulse..LOL



  42.  #42IamHis on September 4, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    Just finished my free session with Natalina! It was amazing! It feels so good to have a supportive coach listening to you and being with you while you feel and process your way through various scenarios.

    Highly recommend! ๐Ÿ™‚



  43.  #43Azure Blu on September 4, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    veronica…
    Lovely siren…
    I feel concerned for your disconnectedness..
    How are you and Funny getting along?
    Is the emotional intimacy causing this?
    offer your warm hand to disconnectedness
    walk with her awhile and ask her why…
    and listen carefully… if she can’t answer
    hug her and tell her YOU love her!!!
    Hugggs to you my friend!!



  44.  #44Natalina on September 4, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    42: IamHis:

    OH!! thank you so much <3 and you were already so smart and amazing- I am excited to see how things go for you.,

    it is so fabulous how awesome Rori's Tools are.



  45.  #45Femininewoman on September 4, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    RE 36 Wow nyx.!! That read like a lot of story weaving.



  46.  #46Helena Hart on September 4, 2014 at 4:17 pm

    Hi Natalina!! It feels great to see you on here – you’re so awesome! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Love, Helena



  47.  #47Kristina on September 4, 2014 at 4:27 pm

    Hi girls!

    Rori, thanks for the post!

    I look forward to being a part of this amazing community.

    Love to all,

    Kristina
    http://www.kristinalanerelationshipcoaching.com



  48.  #48Liquid Light on September 4, 2014 at 4:28 pm

    Kim, here’s my take. The reason he is stepping up is because you are demanding it by your actions (or inactions in this case – not responding so readily, not being available, doing your own thing) We teach people how to treat us, especially men! So keep it up!

    Just my 2 cents. Oh actually, that makes 6 cents! ๐Ÿ™‚



  49.  #49Liquid Light on September 4, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    I just heard from fun/sexy/smart (and separated) guy that I had an awesome date with a few days ago. He wants to get together next week. I am SO EXCITED!!!! ๐Ÿ™‚



  50.  #50Kim on September 4, 2014 at 4:41 pm

    Liquid Light hahaha! I finally got my 6 cents! I need all the money I can get ๐Ÿ™‚
    Thank you.
    I guess you are right.
    It’s funny how men tend to run after us when we don’t want them, or don’t want them anymore in this case.
    It’s textbook stuff…

    Fun, sexy, smart…uhmmm..that sounds yummy. My two cents ๐Ÿ™‚



  51.  #51Liquid Light on September 4, 2014 at 5:38 pm

    Kim 49 keep the change! hahaha!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    yeah, it does sound yummy to me too! Thanks! ๐Ÿ™‚



  52.  #53Kim on September 4, 2014 at 6:10 pm

    FW is that the outgirling article?
    I wonder of Rori has any advice on how to outgirl a woman who asks for help with everything…pets, finances, computers..I was thinking about this before and laughing, because the only way to outgirl her would be to sleep on a parkbench and ask for help…which might actually happen..lol.
    I just can’t be arsed anymore, frankly ๐Ÿ™‚
    Let him do his acts of service…..and be happy.
    Feels too much like denying my own personality and I would rather by myself than keep a non-comittal man who is only committed to the ex.
    Interestingly, the only time he uttered that word was for when he was taking care of her cats and reneged on our romantic weekend. He said it was a commitment.
    Lol.
    Seriously, I am seeing the humorous side of it now.
    At least he can commit to friggin cats!
    Miaowwwwwww!! ๐Ÿ™‚



  53.  #54Linda on September 4, 2014 at 6:12 pm

    Hi Sirens. Wow free coaching? now that is something I can afford. There are so many times I have wanted to be able to spill and process and the cost is always the stopper.

    The life event that brought me to this place was preceded by the love of my life poofing on me. I went to a counselor and used my HSA. My funds were depleted very quickly and all she did was sit and write. It was a huge waste of what little resources I have.

    The most practical help I have ever gotten was from here. So while I am grateful for this place and an opportunity to have some free makes me feel hopeful and encouraged.



  54.  #55Kim on September 4, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    Oh fW I take it back, this article is not about outgirling, I like this one….and actually, I pretty much did exactly what Rori said there. I am feel proud of myself now ๐Ÿ™‚
    Which is maybe why I feel at leace with the situation.

    I was open and told him my feelings around it all. He made no attempt to understand or cherish them, let alone address the problem, and I think at the core of it this is why I was not even interested in talking anymore and felt so turned off.
    I can’t do more than sharing and keeping sane by dating other guys.
    That is exactly it!
    ๐Ÿ™‚
    I feel good about reading this….. ๐Ÿ™‚



  55.  #56Linda on September 4, 2014 at 6:36 pm

    I got triggered tonight

    I was watching an episode from a past season of Blue Bloods tonight. I was simply a father (Tom Seleck) giving his grown daughter who is having a rough time with her divorce and relationship with her teenage daughter a note that she had written to him about her difficulties with her own mom that he had kept since she was 11. He said “I seem to remember we had a rough go of it once upon a time but look at us now” She just layed her head on his chest and thanked him and he kissed her on the forehead with his arm around her.

    It trigger a deep weepy, sad emotion in me. I wish I had had a Dad and a relationship like that. One who was emotionally available offering that security and support I saw in that little moment. Oh how I wished I had a chest to lay my head on and an arm to hold me. I saw something I have never experienced and I felt a yearning in me to.

    My masculine energy is well developed and takes care of me well but I saw it thru feeling eyes instead of logical ones today for a brief moment and I feel a yearning for it.

    I feel like getting in touch with this and feeling this empty spot in me will allow me to feel it and melt into it someday. You know that spot that itches and you cant quite reach it and then there is anothers hand that does… yes ahhh it will feel good.



  56.  #57Emerson on September 4, 2014 at 6:36 pm

    Sirens I met a much older man who has taken interest in me and is very much a gentleman, successful, extremely financially stable, respected and kind. I do not feel attracted to him at all upon first impression.

    I do know that as sirens we are supposed to circular date a few times to see if the attraction grows. Well maybe I will do that and see what happens….I feel smothered and I feel scared…
    I’ve been single so long and now this feels scary.
    I suddenly feel very protective of my “me” time…

    I feel flattered though….and curious.

    Iamhis, I read your posts and I love your raw sharing of your emotions about SMC…I have followed your history with him and I remember you ended the friendship…wow I must say you are a strong siren and really voting for yourself and staying true to what feels safe for you!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Indigo, I sympathize with your situation with your boss. Working with a difficult personality (even if they are not unpleasant) can feel so draining. I don’t really have any advice just wanted you to know I hear your words and I feel for you. xoxo

    Love,
    Emerson



  57.  #58Liquid Light on September 4, 2014 at 6:38 pm

    I am so excited about the news that Katie Couric is engaged. Her fiancee is a total babe. And she is a strong, successful woman who is in her mid-50s. I just felt so inspired and hopeful when I heard this news. We CAN have successful careers, be vocal, smart, AND get married to the man of our dreams who is hot and successful! Love it!



  58.  #59Linda on September 4, 2014 at 6:52 pm

    Ohhh and I saw this other scene where the love interest of Tom used a bit of information she overheard from him on a telephone conversation and took it to better herself and her job ( a breaking new type tv reporter).

    I said to myself. Guuurl…. you just blew it !!!!! You just became an “unsafe” place for him and his heart will close right up. You will be getting “the call” LOL Sure enough at the end of the episode there was a little quick 2 second shot of him on the phone there was a little quick … “no I dont think we should see each other anymore” cha ching!

    I would have never seen that until I learned all the wonderful thing here. I can spot energies and boo boo’s and whoo hoos pretty easy now. My eyes and heart see and feel things I was never tuned into before.



  59.  #60Olivia on September 4, 2014 at 7:54 pm

    @ Kim –
    A thought — when I am in a mode where i am constantly asking my guy for favors: “would you do this or that” and “help me with this please” etc etc I do NOT feel like I am in my feminine energy
    At first it does maybe a little – but not really since at bottom it feels like I am trying to control him!
    Then I have to lean back to sort of regain my feminine godessy ground —
    Soooo all in all this woman doesn’t sound so sireny to me!



  60.  #61Kim on September 4, 2014 at 8:08 pm

    Olivia…I agree totally. He is not with her anymore…therefore it hasn’t worked well for them.
    Still, that whole scenario is not for me, I decided.
    I also believe we are doomed since I know he won’t give her up….and I won’t be able to be cool about this girl phoning him in the middle of the night, or him pet-sitting for her and fixing stuff and meeting one on one.
    So he would just try to keep it quiet and hush hush….there would be no open and honest sharing and relating.
    That’s not what I want for the future.



  61.  #62Zia on September 4, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    Hello Sirens! Hope you’re all well ๐Ÿ™‚



  62.  #63lovetodance on September 4, 2014 at 10:10 pm

    I am meeting someone tomorrow to plan a date or datish type thing….it is amazing the anxiety that arises…
    i am coming up with all kinds of ways to protect me…and also concerned about hurting his feelings….

    to complicate matters…english is his second language . he is sensitive and smart…and we are of different cultural backgrounds…

    this is probably why i don’t date….things just get so complicated for me instantly….

    i want to tell him i am dating other people now …and that i am looking to get to know people and be able to just enjoy uncomplicated companionship….

    and yet what is going on in my being already feels so complicated and nuerotic…

    i already have us breaking up! geesch!



  63.  #64Indigo on September 4, 2014 at 10:16 pm

    Azure Blu 10,

    Thank you. This has been a concern since before I started the job – even before I was officially on the payroll he was behaving in a way that for me was a lack of boundaries and a serious violation of my personal space (texting and phoning me for no reason on my personal phone??). I put a stop to that and thought I would be able to manage the situation. Now I’m just not sure I want to put in the constant effort just to keep someone at bay. I watched the most BEAUTIFUL video on introversion yesterday and it was so instructive. If anyone is interested I will post it.

    xx



  64.  #65lovetodance on September 4, 2014 at 10:16 pm

    i do know i will stay in my body and be in the present as much as possible….and keep with feeling statements….

    seems so simple….but like zen….it ain’t simple….



  65.  #66Indigo on September 4, 2014 at 10:21 pm

    Tatia 17,

    Thank you for your beautiful words and your great advice. I did follow it yesterday and felt a lot better! For now I can choose to sink into the knowledge that I am fantastic at my job, and as you so put it so well, it’s important not to give these negative thoughts too much power or space, because there is lots of good stuff for me to enjoy!

    This micromanaging style of my boss is definitely his issue – every single person who knows and works with him feels the same way, and I was warned about him before I started. I have faith in my ability to handle this – whether it be sticking it out for a while or leaving – in my best interests.

    Thank you Tatia, that was great! x



  66.  #67Indigo on September 4, 2014 at 10:26 pm

    Kim 37,

    Wow, yes it is a horrible place to be in when that happens. Very difficult to express your boundaries when that person is your boss. I applaud you for leaving a job where you got screamed at. Brava! I had that experience too in my previous job, and finally during one screaming episode I walked out of my office when my boss was mid-scream. I walked all around the campus and found a quiet place to sit for a bit. She didn’t scream at me again for a long time, but I ultimately knew I couldn’t work there.

    It disturbs me that so many people who reach high management positions seem to be so dysfunctional, and have so little respect for quieter ways of doing things.



  67.  #68Millie on September 4, 2014 at 10:33 pm

    I feel depressed again.. That wave to change was only short lived as usual.
    I feel like an unattractive loser… Who’s no fun. Why would any man choose to spend time with me. Oh I have a nice body, that’s it. The men that are giving me attention are losers. I feel worthless. No amount of telling myself positive things changes anything.



  68.  #69lovetodance on September 4, 2014 at 11:11 pm

    [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[MILLIE]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

    just those nasty voices having a field day

    don’t buy into them darling ….

    because they are lying!

    be gentle with yourself now……

    find the words of peace for you now….

    befriend yourself…..and know that everything

    changes…

    even what we so totally feel at the moment…

    it will change…its the nature of things…..

    sending you love…..



  69.  #70Millie on September 4, 2014 at 11:36 pm

    Thank you lovetodance.

    It’s hard for me, it always has been.

    At this moment, I don’t want to go out with or sleep with another men again. It either feels icky during or icky after when they disappear, and show up later with another woman on the arm. Maybe I’m incapable of not-investing too soon. Incapable of being the cool girl. At this moment I want to push every man away as they have made me feel.



  70.  #71Indigo on September 5, 2014 at 3:28 am

    (((Millie)))

    When I feel incapable of changing a negative thought to a positive one, I offer myself compassion instead. Just as I would to a friend who was down. Just go “Awwwwww, poor Millie”, and imagine you putting your arms around yourself, like a big sister. Just feel into the ickyness of the feeling, every corner and deep place. Just sit with it, have patience with it, love it, do whatever you need to do. It’s you asking for attention from you. I promise it won’t last forever.



  71.  #72Indigo on September 5, 2014 at 3:46 am

    Linda 53,

    I also went to see a psychologist for several sessions last year at huge expense, and I really don’t feel that the help I got was in proportion to what I spent. I did most of the talking (mostly about my childhood which I felt was more or less a waste of time) and he only chimed in every so often to summarise what I’d already said. I didn’t really feel he had any new insights to offer me. And I have felt this way with 3 other therapists I tried. By far the most help I have got has been from coaching which has helped me massively.



  72.  #73Indigo on September 5, 2014 at 3:55 am

    Emerson 56,

    Thank you so much dear siren xx



  73.  #74sweet goddess on September 5, 2014 at 4:31 am

    @ Tatia

    A virtual Hi !!! I visited your website and loved it. I feel amazed at how each coach brings in a different aspect of the same truth forward with their different personalities… feels delightful that we can all be awesome while still being totally ourselves.

    For a brief intro, I am happily married to a wonderful loving husband who adores me and spoils me to bits. Thanks to Rori and also Dominique for this healthy, ever blooming source of happiness in my life. My journey now is more concentrated on healing myself and my triggers from childhood and expanding my self day by day – to just be more of me. I wish you all the best and it would feel great to speak with you ๐Ÿ™‚



  74.  #75sweet goddess on September 5, 2014 at 4:34 am

    @ Emerson

    I know how that feels. I think you should still see this man and practice the tools… practice staying soft and dealing with those intense feelings of fear and anxiety that come up when you see him. Yay to you !! I am feeling bloggy today hihi ๐Ÿ™‚



  75.  #76sweet goddess on September 5, 2014 at 4:36 am

    @ All sirens

    are any one of you in France area? I need some siren friends. There is no better feeling than having girlfriends who “get” you.. and for me somehow only women who know Rori somehow get me… and they are far and few around me. I need more real time rori women friends in my life.



  76.  #77Indigo on September 5, 2014 at 4:57 am

    sweet goddess 75,

    I know what you mean! I am in South Africa, and there is only Veronica on the blog who also lives here, but she lives in a city far away from me. I find most of the women around me too masculine energy, I long for softer more feminine girlfriends!



  77.  #78Kim on September 5, 2014 at 4:59 am

    Emerson..I was going to chime in as well about the much older man you are not attracted to.
    My friends set me up with a very sweet, respectful and kind guy who is at least 18 years older than me and when I saw him my heart sank…I couldn’t even kiss him.
    The whole date felt awkward because I was worried if he would make a move later…lol.
    We also had nothing in common.
    In those cases I see no point to keep dating. I would rather spend my time with a guy I have some level of attraction for, doesn’t have to be chemistry but something.
    Life is too short honey.
    Unless you feel practicing with a man who you have no attraction to, could be helpful.
    Also, I did not find it fair to lead him on. He texted me and I told him: no thank you.
    Sometimes I also feel a bit angry when these old and unattractive men think I would date them seriously. There are many njce women single around their age…and they overlook them in the search for a young hot babe.
    I am not going to support that. Lol.



  78.  #79sweet goddess on September 5, 2014 at 4:59 am

    Me too Indigo ! Deep, feeling energy. compassionate. a bit slow or rather not always in a hurry to do something or get somewhere and still so alive, honest… ah .. I wish I found a friend like that…who I could also for once meet physically and do fun things with… ๐Ÿ™



  79.  #80sweet goddess on September 5, 2014 at 5:06 am

    @ Emerson

    Life is not always about getting to somewhere. I believe so is it with Cding. He is not your dream man and no where a close fit to you but so what? Isnยดt it possible to open your heart and see what message he is bringing? If he makes a move, you can even practice saying – This doesnยดt feel good. i donยดt feel comfortable with this.
    I guess men we are not attracted to are in someway are best bet to get over our own difficult feelings, practising boundaries. He will disappear if he only wants you physically but may be he also likes the person you are….and he will stay and you can have an admirer that helps you heal? You donยดt have to lead him on… when you say your truth …then its his choice if he still wants to see you. If I were you, I wouldnยดt think so much into this. Just practice in the playground of real men of all shapes and sizes.



  80.  #81sweet goddess on September 5, 2014 at 5:08 am

    Somedays I feel so bloggy. On other days I feel lazy to write anything but today I am feeling all excited and charged. Feels good to be among all you sirens. yippee yay



  81.  #82Femininewoman on September 5, 2014 at 5:10 am

    โ€œAwwwwww, poor Millieโ€,

    I dunno. I don’t like the “poor” adjective attitude. Seems to me it sends the wrong message to the subconscious mind, in more ways than one. That is one word I don’t consciously choose to use to describe me anymore.



  82.  #83Indigo on September 5, 2014 at 5:15 am

    As you wish, Feminine Woman. To me it’s just something I say in a comforting, there-for-you, big sisterly kind of way. It doesn’t have any negative connotations for me in that context.



  83.  #84Femininewoman on September 5, 2014 at 5:20 am

    Hi Emerson. I picked up 2 things from your post

    I feel flattered – I think this is good. It shows there are other men out there. Showing the abundance of the Universe so you don’t have to get stuck pining after any one man. Shows you can feel. So yayy you and your body. Also ask yourself if this is an experience I want to be feeling with my forever man so when he shows up you can be able to identify what works for you and what you want in a relationship.

    I feel curious – another great one for me. It helps keep me in the moment so I can consciously choose to listen at level 2 and check in with my body to see how I am feeling. It also gets me to focus on who is this man in front of me rather than thinking “is this the one? How can I rush him to the finish line?” I get the experience how I feel looking at the stubble on his chin and looking into his ________ eyes. Also who am I being? Curiousity is the one emotion that helps me to naturally stay and feminine without much thought on my part.



  84.  #85Femininewoman on September 5, 2014 at 5:21 am

    When I feel curious I am the most leaned back.



  85.  #86Kim on September 5, 2014 at 7:35 am

    I am feeling unwell today, with an ear infection and a blocked ear. ๐Ÿ™
    I hate being sick and unable to get out and about.
    Supposed to go for dinner with MoM and talk tonight and wondering if I should cancel. I don’t want to put it off as is is something I want to get out of the way….and also I hate sitting home alone on Fridays but maybe not up to it.
    Sigh.
    I am a bad patient lol.



  86.  #87Kim on September 5, 2014 at 7:37 am

    Actually I am naturally in leaning back mode when I do not care about the outcome of a situation, the man, and when I feel totally happy with myself and my life…then I am pretty much naturally in a lean back.
    I have noticed that.



  87.  #88Natalina on September 5, 2014 at 10:19 am

    @Linda
    I hope you do set up a time to do a free session!

    this type of coaching is WAY different than any other,I agree. I wish I had just gone ahead and scheduled some free sessions with the class from last year.

    http://www.lovecoachnatalina.com/connect



  88.  #89Tatia on September 5, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Indigo #65

    Oh, I feel so wonderful that you were able to feel better yesterday.

    You know, that happens to all of us! I’ve certainly had my share of those kinds of days!

    It really helps to take a few moments of out each day to “be in the moment” and find where our feelings are and experience them just like you did yesterday.
    This is something I practice regularly ๐Ÿ˜€

    Love,

    Tatia



  89.  #90Azure Blu on September 5, 2014 at 10:56 am

    (((Kim))))
    Ohhh… sending healing vibes down to FL!!!

    It sounds like you are making sure You are listening to what you need
    before deciding whether to meet with MoM…

    You are doing sooo well in exploring your feelings about him, Kim!
    Lovely Siren… get well soon!



  90.  #91Kim on September 5, 2014 at 11:00 am

    Thank you Azure Blu!
    How are you doing??



  91.  #92Tatia on September 5, 2014 at 11:00 am

    Hey Natalina Honey!!!



  92.  #93Tatia on September 5, 2014 at 11:17 am

    Sweet Goddess #73

    Hi there, and thanks so much for visiting my webpage.

    I feel all glowy (yes, I make up words, lol) and smiley that you are enjoying our web pages.

    Our RRRCT Class of 2014 is a sisterhood of 20 fabulous, beautiful, soft, strong and open-hearted women who each has her own history and approach to the Rori Raye method. We breathe it girl because we’ve been there!!!

    Thank you for sharing your successes from Rori and Siren Island . . . I’m sure it’s no surprise to you that prior to RRRCT, I also was supported and helped by Siren Island, Rori, Dominique, Helena and Leigha (as well as now by the rest of the master coaches).

    I would soooooo love to practice some tools of healing and dealing with triggers – I feel and KNOW where you are on this journey – it’s a beautiful path to explore!!

    I’d feel honored if you scheduled a session with me (as well as my other RRRCT 2014 sister . . . it’s free!!!).

    It’s long, but here the link for my calendar:

    https://www.vcita.com/v/5d512bde00690fa3/online_scheduling?o=c2lkZWJhcl93aWRnZXQ%3D&s=http%3A%2F%2Fpowertolove.com%2F#/services

    Love,

    Tatia



  93.  #94Azure Blu on September 5, 2014 at 11:18 am

    Kim,
    I am doing good!!
    Spirit and i decided to get off POF last night…
    Commitment!!! :-0
    We havn’t had sex yet… lots of foolin’ around!!

    He came over to watch the game at Azure’s Tavern.
    It was the first time we had eaten at my house…
    Very fun!!! we had a debate about politics and religion… neither of which we agree on much…
    It went well…
    I always end these with… I respect YOUR opinions… and DO NOT want to change you…
    I’m hoping that is what you want for me too!
    He says YES!!

    He keeps movin’ forward… which makes me feel VERY secure…

    We’re trying to stay in our comfort zones…
    NOT move too fast… we both have adult kids at home (small townhouses) sooo that makes it easy to move forward at a doable pace…. we’ve only dating for a month and half…

    We’re going dancing tonight… Mmmmm I do Love to dance with him…
    It’ll be fun



  94.  #95Azure Blu on September 5, 2014 at 11:22 am

    Ohhhh… one more thing…
    He told me last night that he realized he doesn’t just LOVE me he LIKES ME!!
    Mmmmm…. that feels really good!



  95.  #96Kim on September 5, 2014 at 11:32 am

    93 and 94
    Wow Azure that sounds fantastic!
    Especially the bit about respecting each others opinions and POF. I love that.
    I had my two best relationships with guys that were not on a wavelength with me politically…we got over that with respect and humor….I do believe it is possible when there is love and respect!
    This sounds so so good and healthy and organic to me.
    Have fun tonight!
    Reading this has made my day feel a lot more positive now…nice.



  96.  #97redbutterfly on September 5, 2014 at 11:58 am

    I had an epiphany the other day on one of my “notes from the universe.” I know some of you girls get those because I signed up on a suggestion from someone here. Anyway, it said that people just want to feel good about themselves and we can make people feel good about themselves by complimenting, etc and to think about how much power we have! I thought that was cool because technically we all have this ability inside of us to help each other with a smile or kind words and it is super powerful if you think about it! Totally off the subject but anyway! Hope everyone has a good weekend!



  97.  #98Labbit on September 5, 2014 at 12:06 pm

    Azure Blu 93 + 94 — Aww, this is such wonderful news! I love how Spirit is making you feel secure and loved, how the intimacy keeps growing. It all feels lovely and cozy. ๐Ÿ™‚



  98.  #99Azure Blu on September 5, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    Kim… I LIKE this….
    love and respect with humor!!!
    a little light heartedness goes a long way!!!

    How’s your cold? Did you decide what you wanted to do about meeting MoM?



  99.  #100Azure Blu on September 5, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    Labbitt #97
    thank you… it does feel “lovely and cozy”



  100.  #101Kim on September 5, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    Azure, I am going to go…gt it over with.
    Also, MrP invited me for boating Sunday, he finally respected my boundaries and will pick me up and drop me off and no strings attached. I might just go if my ear clears up.
    A fun option for the weekend!

    MoM sent me a newsclip about a man sending 27.000 texts and calls to an ex. And getting jailed. LOL.
    I replied whether he broke his record.

    I have to admit, I had to laugh a lot. At least he has a sense of humor!!



  101.  #102Kim on September 5, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    Unsure as to whether his sense of humor will carry him through this talk. He won’t like what I have to say, and I hope he doesn’t play the crying card on me again, or the ‘feeling sad’ thing.
    Ugh.



  102.  #103Azure Blu on September 5, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    Kim #100
    LOL that IS funny about the 27,000 texts!!!

    Mr. P sounds fun for sure… what was the boundary you set for him?



  103.  #104Kim on September 5, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    He invited himself over, or wanted me to train to the boating.
    I just said ‘no, no, no’…..he waants hanky panky. Lol.
    I am. Not going there with him anymore.
    I haven’t heard anything and now apparently he will pick me up, drop me off and no strings attached.
    We will see.



  104.  #105nyx on September 5, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    @ 45 FW

    Thank you for your comment- only problem is that I’ve absolutely no idea what story weaving is, so i can not relate… :S

    Wishing you a very lovely weekend, with sunshine inside and outside ๐Ÿ™‚



  105.  #106Femininewoman on September 5, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    nyx I meant making up stories. In other words how do you know that what you were saying was true?



  106.  #107redbutterfly on September 5, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    Kim, I was reading your story from the blog post before and I am super curious to know how it all turns out! Hugs!



  107.  #108Femininewoman on September 5, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    Kim that’s funny ๐Ÿ™‚

    Hope he got a chuckle out of it



  108.  #109Daria on September 5, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    hi id like to download that easter island instructional dance video again… sigh i feel soft and tight too



  109.  #110Femininewoman on September 5, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    Tatia one thing I am paying attention to is body language. I have to admit I love your pose at the back of your report. I looks so feminine and graceful and powerful all at once.



  110.  #111prplpsn28 on September 5, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    I know what your feeling Teresa. My emotions are more on the down side today ๐Ÿ™



  111.  #112Daria on September 5, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    thank you i feel so pleased… i so appreciate it… teary smile ๐Ÿ™‚



  112.  #113Daria on September 5, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    thank you Rori for the free coaching hookups, and the sensual meditation reminderr… mmmmm

    thank you Nanna for that DVD that made me feel so good today and healing me now

    thank you me Zalia fo u kno wa fo fo bein who i am



  113.  #114Dominique on September 5, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    sweet goddess – 75 – thank you for your sweet words, AND there is a VERY likely chance I will be in Paris late October. I feel SO excited!!! Would love to see you if it all works out.

    xxoo



  114.  #115Labbit on September 5, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    TenderCD reached out to me yesterday…yay! He’s been assigned a new project at work which is a major achievement for him, and he’s stressed about it. It wasn’t a long talk and it just felt so very good to reconnect with him. Later on in the day he sent me a cute little romantic text…I felt melty and flushed and good. We might not get to see each other for another week or so because of our conflicting schedules. I still feel disconnected from him, and that freaks me out a bit and makes it hard to connect with my heart. But I realize this is all part of my healing and it wouldn’t matter if this was happening with TenderCD or any other CD. So as much as I can I’m using it as an opportunity to heal. To bring it all back to me. Today I had a long period of uninterrupted peace. In those hours I could feel myself so closely and him too. That was really nice.

    Weirdly today an ex from over 2 years ago reached out to me. I met him right after breaking up with a boyfriend of 8 years. It is so odd to hear from this ex now…I have no desire to reply to him but I do wonder what the message from the universe is. Is my energy matching the way it was when I met him? Is it to celebrate how far I’ve come since then? To re-learn a lesson he taught me? I feel curious…



  115.  #116Labbit on September 5, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    I can feel that I am opening and reaching a new level, but every time I get to that new level my nasty voice screams and makes it hard to stay there. Each time I reach that new, more open level of me I can stay a little longer. That feels great!

    When the nasty voice starts to win I feel small. I feel old fears rising up from my subconscious. I give myself love. I feel the fear and try not to listen to it. I open myself up anyway to vulnerability, to openness, to love, to sharing and receiving and not giving. I feel through recent memories of happiness. That is my reality…not the fear. The fear will pass. There is no rush. I have all the time in the world to heal this.



  116.  #117lovetodance on September 5, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    93 Azure Blu…
    I feel happy for you!…I feel the happiness jumping off your posts…..

    I am finding myself so concerned about hurting someone else’s feelings….this man who has been expressing interest….i feel curious and some attraction…but different cultures….

    I gave him my phone number today which was a big step for me as I am so not sure how close i would like him to get…but I figure I need to be at least as open as that…

    He seems respectful and kind….from what he says I get that he is looking for a committed relationship…I just feel my protective walls coming up…really ….a combo of not wanting to reject him or feel myself getting involved in something I am not sure of….

    I am perplexed as to how not to be controlling yet keep my boundaries strong….ahhhhhhh how will I ever get to practice with all this fear….Its funny, the unavailable ones who want to kiss and run ….i throw caution to the wind….

    we will see….maybe he won’t make contact with me….I will be a combo of relieved and disappointed..

    I don’t get that this guy is a player….just don’t know how big a stretch is possible between us….different backgrounds and cultural expectations….

    I need to practice…being in the moment…for goodness sakes we haven’t even had a coffee date….just several affectionate running into’s



  117.  #118lovetodance on September 5, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    Labbitt….

    It feels like such a reminder to read your words of……….

    “I still feel disconnected from him, and that freaks me out a bit and makes it hard to connect with my heart. But I realize this is all part of my healing and it wouldnโ€™t matter if this was happening with TenderCD or any other CD. So as much as I can Iโ€™m using it as an opportunity to heal. To bring it all back to me….”

    and

    “reach that new open level of me and can stay alittle longer…that feels great”

    It feels to me like you have been doing really great healing work ….

    the image that comes for me….in terms of my healing needed…would be taming the frightened tiger
    inside….

    the one that is wild and primal and has her claws out just in case one needs to attack or protect….again….this is my image…and my work….

    this is what stirs in me from your post….
    thank you…



  118.  #119Tatia on September 5, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    Emerson #56

    I feel inspired! Your post moved me – it’s a true circular dating dilemma.

    What do you do when you’re not feeling him? When there are no sparks?

    You, know . . . I’m going to write a piece on it and perhaps vlog on it as well.

    But in the interim, here’s my take on your situation:

    You are the beautiful, sexy siren target.
    There are men in different stages of rotation with you – and this gentleman is “stepping up” in your rotation.
    But you see, it’s the PROCESS, not the goal, that we experience in circular dating.

    His purpose, and one of the major purposes of circular dating, is to TRIGGER you so you can heal whatever comes up!

    Circular dating give you the opportunity to practice tools such as feeling messages, level two listening, appreciation, rounds of conversation and speaking your truth.

    So I would invite you to add him to your rotation of men and go out on dates with him.

    Practice leaning back, enjoy the process, stay in the moment, keep in touch with your feelings, practice all of your tools and see what happens! ๐Ÿ˜€

    Thank you for inspiring me!!!

    Love,

    Tatia



  119.  #120Tatia on September 5, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    Femininewoman #109

    Awwwww, thank you! Yes, I was in full Feminine Power Mode that day! Feeling Lovely!

    Love,

    Tatia



  120.  #121Labbit on September 5, 2014 at 3:04 pm

    lovetodance 117 — that is beautiful! I love the image of a tiger inside, that feels very powerful and sultry.

    Inside of me is a scared little child who I sometimes picture holding on to the adults’ legs, LOL. She just wants to know that someone will love her, that everything is OK. And when she feels securely loved she turns into a beautiful adult goddess.



  121.  #122IamHis on September 5, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    I feel moved by all the unexpected feedback. Thank you, lovelies! ๐Ÿ™‚ I feel kinda embarrassed because I think it’s more of a power thing for him? I don’t know. I don’t get it, but like Taylor Swift, if you’ll forgive my analogy, I’m just going to shake…shake it off…

    My weekend is packed. No dates, which actually feels like a huge relief. Just a lot of fun stuff!



  122.  #123lovetodance on September 5, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    Labbitt 120

    Thank you for responding….

    I too can relate to your image…of the little girl who just needs to feel secure….and then world ‘Watch Out’….Yes!

    I have learned in recent years to express that sultriness and sexiness more….

    and

    to integrate it with the Beautiful Adult Goddess who loves with wisdom ….This my work….
    Who knows how to deal with her vunerability and strength and knows how to honor and evoke men’s vunerability and need for safety also…who respects men…

    …She is clear on what she needs and how to get it….. who is not frightened of men’s attraction to her, knowing that she can graciously appreciate them even if it means saying no…..

    Oh I would love to be that Goddess… a true Goddess of Love….

    Many blessings to us as we traverse our journeys ….



  123.  #124Daria on September 5, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    wow blown away by post 119 thank you Tatia

    super inspiring breakdown of what to practice

    and i feel jealous and inspired by vlogging

    feel excited to share about feeling jealous and i feel scared too . i feel excited when i say something like that out loud and it feels like i grow in power and also shock people

    and i feel scared to push them away into judging me

    by doing saying stuff that feels shocking and unlike convention without any context around it

    whew

    feeling all runaway writing here



  124.  #125Dominique on September 5, 2014 at 4:21 pm

    IamHis – 122 – There doesn’t have to be an actual date with a man to continue to CD. You can CD with everyone including yourself, including Nature and all the splendor she offer up all the time. It’s a wonderful opportunity to practice what you know with no pressures at all, an amazing chance to heal that little bit more.

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  125.  #126Dominique on September 5, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    lovetodance- 123 – but you already are a TRUE goddess of love. it’s what you were born as, and it’s what you will always be.

    xxoo



  126.  #127lovetodance on September 5, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    126 Dominique

    Yes thank you for re-framing that….

    May I …May we all know that more of the time…so when the doubt, fears, closings come along….We can shake them off gracefully and retain our vunerability and confidence….

    I always enjoy your comments….thank you



  127.  #128Liquid Light on September 5, 2014 at 7:58 pm

    OMG LHM just texted and said he wasn’t trying to be presumptuous that I don’t have plans tonight (which I don’t) but wanted to know if I wanted to get together for a glass of wine since he was on his way to my town. I’m excited to hear from him again since our first date on Tuesday but I’m not going to take him up on it. I do have some warm fuzzies though knowing that he’s thinking of me ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚



  128.  #129Tatia on September 5, 2014 at 8:17 pm

    Daria #124

    I feel elated by the way you described my post! Thank you!

    I love the way you express your feelings! It’s powerful and deep. I feel awareness, not shock, as you express what you feel. It’s beautiful! You’re in touch with your honest feelings and I admire that very much. Judgment at any time is our negative voice, and she has no place in the midst of our witnessing your vibrant sharing of your feelings. Yes, that word describes it well . . . VIBRANT!

    Vlogging my dear, lol, is a LOT of work ๐Ÿ˜€ but very rewarding. It’s giving and helping and that makes me feel so good. I can only do it well when the words come from my heart, stirred by my passion to share.
    So I guess that makes it a labor of love. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Love,

    Tatia



  129.  #130Linda on September 5, 2014 at 8:40 pm

    I am enjoying being un-involved with anyone but me.

    This is the first time in my life that I have not had a inner yearning to find or be in a relationship. While I have peace with this, I feel a bit of self concern too I dont know if I am just tired and in a season of healing or if I have shut down and closed up for good.

    I encountered so many issues and so much drama in my last relationship that I NEVER want to have that going on in my life EVER EVER again. I feel gun shy I guess. I am just not feeling any energy for the whole putting myself back out there or the… I am interested in someone and they are not or visa versa.

    I have a few men on the back of my horse and tonight I feel I need to kick them off. I don’t need or want them with me anymore. Yeah they all had messages for me. I got them loud and clear. Now here is what I have to say to them.

    Man 1… I have never loved or trusted anyone more deeply and the your betrayal was felt as deeply.
    Man 2… You were a mistake all the way around for me. I feel disgust for you. Such a using toxi man ! I traded beauty for ashes. I learned my lesson well.
    Man 3… No doubt you stepped up and saw my beauty and tried to claim me. It felt awful to be wrong and a disappointment to you all the time. Your expectations and anger killed my attraction to you.
    Man 4… I respect you, you are a good man. We share a long history. I can be your friend for the rest of my life but I am sure I feel no romantic spark or attraction to you and I will not live life in co-habitation again.

    Now all four of you…. here is where you get off. Good-bye.

    Alone feels good right now.



  130.  #131RileyTheOwl on September 5, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    Sirens… I feel SO not secure right now… I haven’t seen C in days and he’s hardly called… A bunch of things have happened and I feel really unloved and not cared for and it feels awful. This hasn’t happened for such a long time, I don’t know what to do… He feels like he’s slipping so far away and he’d rather hang out with his friends than see me and this feels really bad ๐Ÿ™

    Ahh, what’s happening to me?
    I’m just having a really down and out moment…
    I don’t know what to do to help myself feel better.



  131.  #132RileyTheOwl on September 5, 2014 at 9:13 pm

    I’m feeling like a bubble bath would be good right now.



  132.  #133Emerson on September 5, 2014 at 9:22 pm

    130 Linda! Wow! That’s amazing!
    I really feel powerful reading this post from you!



  133.  #134Indigo on September 5, 2014 at 10:47 pm

    Linda 130,

    That feels very beautiful and powerful.

    I am also feeling the urge to be alone – not in the sense of not having relationships – but I feel as if life has been pressing on me a bit for too long. Pure and simply, I just feel overstimulated. I don’t want to get rid of any of my relationships, I absolutely want to keep and cherish them all, but the constant energy and expectations of the situations I have been putting myself in is wearing on me.

    I live with my family, and whilst I have my privacy and I love them dearly, I think it’s time for me to move out. I don’t have the kind of solitude and space and peace and quiet that I require, and I long for it sometimes.



  134.  #135Veronica on September 5, 2014 at 11:18 pm

    Azure Blu โ€“ 43 โ€“
    I appreciate your concern Azure, thank you xx โ€“ it helps me to become more open to considering what is happening (which Iโ€™m not really wanting to face). I was feeling concerned too. I noticed a lull and thought it would pass its way through โ€“ it was as though my responses to what happened around me and what people said to me were not as fully me as I knew I could be. It started to seem superficial. I felt quietly dismayed. I started questioning whether I could do intimate, connected relationships. So in a way the emotional intimacy showed that up for me โ€“ my expressions seemed a little short/off and I couldnโ€™t understand why. Things with Funny are great. Usually the โ€˜offโ€™ feelings emerge when heโ€™s not around. Yesterday I went to a bookstore with Funny and found the most amazing photography book โ€“ we spent hours just talking about some of the images โ€“ I felt alive because I found images that helped me re-connect to my own passions (art and photography). I had been searching and searching for images that would inspire me, move me to thoughts that I could never anticipate and had become despondent at not finding them. As a result I became more open and alive โ€“ and my interactions just blossomed.

    Thank you so much for your kindness and care – I feel so relieved โ€“ I can do relationship and responding to you helped me to discover how important my passions are in my life. (((((Azure))))) thank you xxxxx



  135.  #136Veronica on September 5, 2014 at 11:21 pm

    I became more alive after finding this book with it’s amazing photographs.



  136.  #137Veronica on September 5, 2014 at 11:23 pm

    *its



  137.  #138Veronica on September 5, 2014 at 11:24 pm

    Indigo โ€“ 77 โ€“ Hi : ) I feel good knowing that thereโ€™s a siren in my country xx



  138.  #139RileyTheOwl on September 5, 2014 at 11:29 pm

    I had my bubble bath, and stepping into it I suddenly felt so much more in power of myself. Stepping away from negativity and feeling overwhelmed and stepping into empowerment and I-am-in-charge-of-myself-here. Relaxing, almost completely forgetting about C, and when I do think of him this all feels like not a problem anymore. It feels relaxed, like okay, things may not feel so good in the relationship right now, but I am taking care of myself and not crossing my boundaries. Sigh, *carresses body*, I love yoouu so much Riley. Big wave of relief and self-love. Like a huge waterfall running over top of my skin. This is about me. I love my overwhelmed. I love my neediness… My neediness is needing love and affection… Here you go, here’s a whole big scoop of love and affection just for you.. soaking it up, strait to my heart and all over my skin rushing over me and surrounding me.
    Riley, now you’re feeling all warm from the bath and loved from my own touch and accepting of myself, what I need most is sleep. Sleep and let my body heal and grow and do all those other wonderful things that sleeps brings.



  139.  #140Sophie on September 6, 2014 at 2:42 am

    Azure Blu – I feel smiley reading that Spirit is being good to you and moving things forward and you’re having fun and going out for lots of dancing!!!!

    Linda – beautiful post. I feel exactly the same. I am craving being by myself. I am craving time to get intimate with myself again. And yes just let them all drop off and I can gallop free. I feel the need for deep regrouping. That makes sense after two experiences with men that have bruised me deeply. I don’t think it’s shutting down for ever. More like the cocooning part of any rebirth.

    Veronica – Funny CD sounds lovely and I feel happy for you to have rediscovered a passion – art and photography. Creativity requires an openness I believe – being creative is good practice for me at being open and authentic

    Dominique – Paris!!! So exciting!!!



  140.  #141Sophie on September 6, 2014 at 3:28 am

    I feel all stuck in my energies again. I want to get on but I feel stuck. Today is the day I want to finish packing up everything in my house, clean everything out, be ready! I don’t mind this. This feels good. I could feel entertained and satisfied. I could put on some music and enjoy myself. But…I am sitting in my room with my door shut not starting. I do not feel free. Ironic that I used to feel anxious when B went out. Now I just want him to go out. I feel crowded by HIS energy. I do not want to see him or speak to him. I want to be able to get on on my own without feeling his shadow hanging over everything. I feel yuk. I make myself all small and quiet so as not to disturb him – not because I’m frightened of him but because I don’t want his energy near me. I sleep him away. I slept him away all yesterday and all yesterday evening. Asleep I feel at peace and safely out of the way of any negative energies. Yuk, this feels tense…I will get up and get on…



  141.  #142sweet goddess on September 6, 2014 at 8:09 am

    @ Dominique

    Wow ! That is great news ! feel excited for you and of course to see you. Letยดs talk personally if the trip is materializing. Would love to see you ๐Ÿ™‚



  142.  #143Linda on September 6, 2014 at 8:20 am

    Thank you ladies for the encouragement. What I shared did not feel about power to me. I don’t necessarily feel powerful or strong. Maybe it reads powerful but it did not feel about power. It felt about cleansing. I was tired of them being with me, tagging along everywhere, and running my thoughts and my today thru them and allowing them to define or influence me in any way any longer. I don’t want their energy around me anymore.

    I am want to feel open to life again am headed in that direction. I am so hungry for feeling passionate and alive.

    Sophie thank you for your encouragement. I like the reframe of cocooning rebirth. That feels healthy and okay. Thanks for the word. After you get thru what is on your plate right now, you will be a new version of you too. xo



  143.  #144Linda on September 6, 2014 at 8:49 am

    I have ideas and passions that are soon to get my full energy and attention. My creative side inspires me and gets my blood pumping. Creating feel exciting.

    Indigo…Reading your post inspires a feeling confidence and peaceful awareness within. xo I am headed there too.



  144.  #145Beloved on September 6, 2014 at 8:55 am

    Good stuff here, sirens!

    I had an a-ha moment yesterday.
    When I talked to S, my potential roomie, she asked if I had any idiosyncrasies. I laughed and told her, well, sometimes I just make stuff up. Sometimes I notice it when I’m doing it and stop myself and say, “Oh, that’s not true, I’m just making up stuff” and sometimes I notice it later and depending on the situation, go and clean it up asap.
    The most recent time I noticed it was in class, and I said, “Oh, I have no intention of making this my sole source if income, I have multiple streams of income!”.
    Which is Not True, and I felt foolish for saying it (it is an affirmation I’ve been practicing, so maybe it just came out but it felt icky when I said it.)

    Sooo…anyhooos…what I realized was that I felt like I wanted to run and distance myself from S for the same thing -for just ‘making up’ stuff.

    I wasn’t sure what to do about it, so I just noticed it, felt into it, showered the part of myself that just makes up stuff with love. Then today, I read about a similar conflict and realized that really, what I need, is better conflict resolution skills. I’m better and better at speaking up and standing up for myself, but the stuff that comes after I could stand to learn to handle more effectively.

    What is funny, too, is that I ‘knew’ that, but was projecting it on S. I was thinking, “well, that tells me that ‘she’ doesn’t have the skills to resolve things if we have an issue and could probably use some classes or something about it”. Ha. Ha. (grimacing and laughing here).

    I feel excited to learn how to handle conflict more effectively ๐Ÿ™‚



  145.  #146Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 9:54 am

    Tatia #119
    Great reminder for ME!!!
    “its the process NOT the goal, that we experience in circular dating”



  146.  #147Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 11:04 am

    Labbitt #121
    I feel that also… I like the image of
    when I give my little girl all the love and attention she is craving… She does turn into a beautiful adult goddess.



  147.  #148Liquid Light on September 6, 2014 at 11:07 am

    Azure, I am so happy for you and how things are progressing in your unfolding relationship. It really sounds so exciting and fun!



  148.  #149Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 11:10 am

    Lovely Sirens…
    My little girl is quite frightened today…
    I had a lovely date with Spirit dancing all night to live music… lovely sushi dinner…
    We had sex for the first time in the back of my car…
    it was very spontanious (after 2 months of heavy fooling around) and being very careful to make sure we were exclusive and working toward commitement..
    Which we are…
    But now I’m feeling yucky about not being able to wait and spend the night etc… usually I’m pretty easy going about this stuff…
    I’m thinking maybe i’m feeling anxious and confused
    because I actually listen to my feelings now…
    What should I do darling sirens?



  149.  #150Liquid Light on September 6, 2014 at 11:10 am

    Well LHM asked me out for tomorrow evening! I’m super excited but also starting to feel nervous. I haven’t felt nervous about seeing someone in a such a long time! So it feels great but I hope I won’t be acting really weird and self-conscious. Sigh. I’m also feeling a bit uneasy about his being recently separated. But I guess I shouldn’t focus on that too much? If anyone has any experience with this, I would love to hear your take on it!



  150.  #151Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 11:16 am

    lovetodance
    I feel soft and warm reading this post…
    I especially like this:
    “Who knows how to deal with her vunerability and strength and knows how to honor and evoke menโ€™s vunerability and need for safety alsoโ€ฆwho respects menโ€ฆ”
    because after having sex with Rob last night (first time) i felt such a vulnerability in him…. he is sooo precious and tender…



  151.  #152Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 11:18 am

    my post was for lovetodance #123



  152.  #153IamHis on September 6, 2014 at 11:18 am

    I’m not sure how I feel about this, but my job interview felt more like a date? And not just any date, like a really good date where you can’t stop smiling afterwards? I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I’ve been feeling absolutely amazing this weekend and there’s more to come! Haven’t felt this good in a really long time. Feeling like “me” again. Feeling thankful. Yaaay! ๐Ÿ™‚



  153.  #154Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 11:24 am

    Linda #130….
    I feel YOUR Power reading this!!
    You inspire me with YOUR journey
    letting go of the men on the back of your horse…
    Very exciting!!!

    I have them too… I’ve let them go a few times…
    somehow they are haunting me now as I try and be
    Vulnerable and Trust another man..



  154.  #155Liquid Light on September 6, 2014 at 11:27 am

    Azure, my take on it is that its normal to feel a swirl of emotions after being intimate with someone new, especially if you really like the person. Just try to allow your thoughts and feelings wash over you, don’t fight them. I wouldn’t beat yourself up about the car, it actually sounds really fun and thrilling! I’m sure that’s how he sees it too. He is probably grinning ear to ear right now! So enjoy the ride! (Oops, no pun intended!)



  155.  #156RileyTheOwl on September 6, 2014 at 11:29 am

    Linda, cleansing IS powerful. I LOVED your post, it was really inspiring… ๐Ÿ™‚



  156.  #157Kim on September 6, 2014 at 11:37 am

    Azure Blu…weee…exciting times!!

    Well, I talked with MoM, he talked and I just listened.
    He didn’t have anything new to say…just waffling…of course he sees me in his future….

    …if I wanted the advice of a realtor, I would call a realtor and his ex knkws he is good with computrs so she called him. He thinks it’s reasonable.
    Ok. Whatevs. I just listened. He knows my stand on it.

    Marriage he is not opposed to but not for it either (because of his childhood, he says.). I also come from a broken home, but at 45 one might have gotten over that?
    He is not against children 100% but not really for them either, he considers himself too old.

    Could he do anything to help me? He asked.
    I said no. I don’t want him to help me because he feels guilty that he is on call for the ex. I want him to help me because he wants to be with me. He asked if marriage would help me to stay here and if that would work even if people do not live together. OMG. I felt like puking.

    This man is stuck in the past.
    I am stuck in the present and my future.
    He had nothing new to say.
    He thinks it is all back to normal now, I am afraid he will get a shock. He never asked me whether I am committed and in my email I told him I was not and we can be activity partners without exclusivity.
    I hope he doesn’t think I changed my mind, well he didn’t ask.
    I was not going to bring it up again.
    I am getting ready to sell my stuff, make a plan for my life and keep dating other men. Sorry if it hurts him but he is not my responsibility.
    Sigh.



  157.  #158Kim on September 6, 2014 at 11:39 am

    I did express some of my feelings, with this ex issue, saying I feel insecure and jealous and don’t want to feel that way, and he replied ‘I don’t want you to feel that way either’

    Blech.



  158.  #159Kim on September 6, 2014 at 11:51 am

    Oh wait Azure (I am reading backwards), 149 doesn’t sound good.
    Well, I would probably sit with the feelings and see what comes up…and I might also choose to think back on the nice feelings during the time of being intimate with a man….
    I am assuming it was a nice experience.

    I feel lucky to be able to see sex as not a huge deal for me, as well as a bit sad about that. I can have amazing sex with a man without feeling attached afterwards….nit tonsay it happens often mind you. When I am developing feelings for someone, it is obviously different and means a lot.
    Either way, it is to be appreciated also as a beautiful experience, and perhaps you were not ready….as simple as that?

    I have great sex with MoM, really it’s probably the one reason why i still consider dating him, together with the shared interests. He doesn’t want the same as me, so I do not feel attached. If I did start feeling attached and sad and longing, I would cut it off right away.
    I am just..uhmm..scratching an itch in a way…having been single for so long and without a consistent sex life.

    I even told him today, with a big smile: I am just keeping you for the sex….lol…I thinks he thinks I am joking. Lol.



  159.  #160lovetodance on September 6, 2014 at 11:51 am

    azure blu…
    how delightfull…’doing it in the car’

    sorry if that feels crude….it just speaks to me of excitement and fun and passion and vitality!

    and now you have another first…of a beautiful bedroom or other room experience….many firsts here!

    i liked what liquid light said about how natural and human to feel vulnerability after being intimate, especially for the first time…or many first times…..soo lovely you are feeling it and soo lovely that you also felt his vulnerability too….

    i feel very tender and honored to be reading about your journey…. beautiful love goddess!



  160.  #161Natalina on September 6, 2014 at 11:58 am

    hello and happy saturday lovely sirens!!

    I have been skimming through all your comments since the other day- and hafta hand it to you all are so brilliant…

    I loved what Beloved said about making things up, and that stemming from practicing intentions. WHICH IS FREAKING GENIUS, and yep at the same time can get you feeling pretty down when you feel like you are not communicating “honestly”, from what I read though, you are really rocking it. and I am totally rooting for you!

    one thing you might try instead of knocking yourself down a few pegs with “actually that isnt true…” statements

    go back and input it as an intention.

    ” I INTEND to have multiple streams of income, and I’m feeling so (feeling message) about THIS revenue stream opening up for me as well. ”

    Love,
    Natalina



  161.  #162Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 12:16 pm

    Veronica #135
    Ohhh… lovely Siren…
    For me… noticing what is going on is the first step
    to healing…

    Interesting that I too have been noticing my lack of
    listening carefully to my friends and family…
    I was feeling that I really was not very present with them…
    It makes since what you are saying … this is my way
    of staying aloof… NOT vulnerable…
    I have been working on asking more questions
    AND listening to the answers.
    So glad to hear you and Funny are good!!!
    :->



  162.  #163Liquid Light on September 6, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    Kim 157, feeling a bit confused about your negative take here. Are you sure you’re not just protecting yourself?



  163.  #164RileyTheOwl on September 6, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    Sirens, quick question…. So as you may know, my connection with C these last couple weeks has not felt very good, strong, or loving. He asked to see me this afternoon, and I really want to be all in my goddess energy and sireny and attractive… But today when I was scrolling through Facebook I saw a bikini picture of one of my friends, and C had liked it. I feel really triggered and disturbed, ugh ๐Ÿ™ I’m wondering if I should bring it up with him when we’re together? But if he’s already distant, doesn’t bringing up something difficult like that just push him away farther…? What can I do to stay in my goddess energy while I’m with him today?
    Thanks for your help… I appreciate it so much and just need to feel heard right now.
    <3



  164.  #165Kim on September 6, 2014 at 12:28 pm

    163 liquid light. No. Dating over a year. Nothing moves forward. I am simply fed up and done. He’s downgraded himself, that’s his choice, not a negative take.



  165.  #166Kim on September 6, 2014 at 12:32 pm

    I have simply lost interest and feel turned off by the waffling, i e wanting to talk and never actually saying anything pertaining to our relationship. To me, at my age, if a man doesn’t even voice the wish to move anything forward after over a year, or moving in together, he is deluded to think I would be exclusive with him.
    I understand other women would feel differently, heck, I used to myself – and this is what never got me anywhere.
    Time to change things up.
    Not negative, hopeful that I meet someone better suited and freeing my time and my heart up.
    He had plenty of chances.
    I like to keep him around for as long as it feels good to me, and when it doesn’t anymore, I will drop him.



  166.  #167Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    RileyOwl #139
    Ahhhh… lovely Siren… sooo much self love
    and warm, gentle caresses!!!

    This posts reminds me to LOVE my neediness…
    sometimes I hate her…
    I treat her like my mother used to…
    I could NEVER be needy…
    I am pouring LOVE All over my neediness…
    I am holding her hand, giving her a big hug and kisses



  167.  #168IamHis on September 6, 2014 at 12:36 pm

    I don’t know why, but I really want to defend SMC for some reason. Here is what I know: he loves his wife. Deeply. That is the kind of man he is. I really hate how he stares, it makes me feel sad sometimes, angry sometimes, & curious even at other times, and I feel frustrated that I don’t quite understand why he does it. It sometimes makes me feel so exposed & uncomfortable I can hardly stand it. I really don’t think it’s an issue of him wanting to “stray” at all, to be honest. I just think he feels confused as to why I still don’t want to be friends when it’s clearly not an issue for him. This was about me, though. About guarding my heart and not wanting to feel for an unavailable man. It felt familiar and painful, like a very painful situation from my past, & that’s why I think his friendship affected me the way it did. It wasn’t as close or as deep as that friendship (but in some ways I felt like it could have become closer and deeper, if I had let it, ) & I think I was doing what I wished I had done in that previous situation, which truthfully wasn’t really fair to SMC, but still very necessary for my own emotional health. I know it was the right thing for me to do. But picking the friendship back up with his wife and so on – to – be – baby now? I still feel unsure. Babies have a way of changing things, even making awkward situations a lot easier…



  168.  #169Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    RileyOwl #164
    I’m sooo sorry to hear C has been distant lately…
    I agree… don’t bring up the Facebook pic

    But do bring up that you miss him and it feels sooo good to see him…

    Maybe you could say something like this…
    “I feel confused. I hear everything is fine between us, yet it doesnโ€™t feel fine. Can you help me with this? Can you help me understand?”



  169.  #170IamHis on September 6, 2014 at 12:45 pm

    One thing I learned about leaning back from all this: when someone tells you a friendship with you would feel difficult because of annoying attractions and romantic feelings, YOU NEED TO GIVE THAT FRIEND SPACE. If SMC had just leaned back and let me resume friendship when I felt ready for it, we might even could be friends now, who knows. But his staring, leaning forward, trying to get my attention just freaked me out and made me crave more space from him. Note to self: REMEMBER THIS IN ALL YOU RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN. Space is crucial for two people to process and appropriately respond to intense feelings; coming from either person…



  170.  #171Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 12:47 pm

    Sophie #141
    I’m sooo excited hearing about you getting closer to moving out!!!
    Yes… let YOUR masculine energy empower you to move forward with purpose!!!
    You are doing soooo AMAZING!!!
    Lots of pats on your Siren Back!!!
    oxoxo



  171.  #172Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    Beloved #145
    I feel a little confused… you have decided to live with S?

    I think it is soo cool that you have noticed
    for me this is always the first step in healing



  172.  #173Liquid Light on September 6, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    IamHis: Re. SMC I would just ignore him. That guy is bad news.



  173.  #174Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    LL #150
    Lovely Siren…
    You sound sooo happy and excited… :-))

    I have had experience with dating a separated man
    he was sooo fun, loving, generous… and a few months down the road (after I had gotten attached to him)
    He realized he needed time to date and just have fun
    I tried dating him while he was dating others (it sucked) but… then the divorce came up and
    He was soooo upset he couldn’t date anyone…
    But that’s just one story…



  174.  #175Liquid Light on September 6, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    Kim, it sounds like he might be stepping up??



  175.  #176Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    ((((IamHis))))…
    I agree with LL… SMC is NOT your friend or his wife’s friend…
    He is hoping you will give in to his pressure…
    BUT you LOVE yourself AND YOUR BOUNDARIES…
    You need a friend like that like you need another hole in your head…
    Sorry… I just got triggered by this….



  176.  #177Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    IamHIs…
    Sooo glad to hear about your most Excellent job interview!! fingers crossed!



  177.  #178Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    LL #155
    Ohhh… HUGs loving Siren…
    That makes me feel sooo much better!!!
    Your right, of course I would have swarms of feelings after making luv with someone I like!!!

    Yes, it was fun!! And he was soft and warm… wanting to hug me for a long time… rubbed my feet and legs and we just sat in the back seat for awhile…
    Thank you for that!!!
    oxoxo



  178.  #179IamHis on September 6, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    Liquid Light and Azure – Thank you so much for looking out for me! I know I can be naive at times, & the fact that you ladies want to look out for me feels amazing! I feel so soft and cared for…



  179.  #180Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    (((Kim))) #157
    Lovely, lovely Siren…
    I do understand some of what yu are feeling…

    He is actually trying to address alll of your concerns…
    He even asked what he could do to help?

    But… there must be a feeling you DON’T get from him…
    Maybe his capacity for True emotional intimacy may NOT be there…
    Also.. I believe you do deserve MORE enthusiasm about marriage… and we all know
    there are men who ARE excited about getting married.
    He is still a great man to practice YOUR feeling messages and bringing up YOUR truth in loving kind ways…
    Which YOU are Doing REALLY WELL at!!!
    Yay KIM!!!



  180.  #181Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    Lovetodance #160
    Ohhhh… Thank you sooo much…
    Hugs
    I feel better… yes it was fun, exciting and we felt like highschoolers!!! making luv in the back seat of my car!!!

    and Iuv what you said about that being a first and then the bedroom being another first…
    :->



  181.  #182Kim on September 6, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    175 LL
    And 180 Azure.
    Hey that is true, he addressed all my concerns, just without giving me answers, rather just waffling about them and justifying (the ex, why no marriage, why no kids).
    He is not interested in more than what we have now and what we have had on and off for 13 months…which is dating. One or both days on the weekend and one day in the week.
    How is that stepping up?
    He just told me he signed a new lease on his apartment, until October 2015. That means we would date another year before we would even talk about moving together, i e we would by then have dated more than 2 years.
    Which is not going to happen as I can’t stay here anyway.
    He knows all this.
    I really didn’t expect anything from him and from this talk, and he didn’t disappoint me, meaning, he wanted to talk fkr clarity but to me there is nothing clear,
    I tentatively said that if he moved into my apartment, put his things into storage (he wants to buy a house actually but never got looking, so signed another lease), he would save 1k every month towards his house….he pays 1.5k every month….and he looked at me as if I was from Mars and said ‘i have too much stuff’.
    Ok.
    I had to try and bring it up to see his reaction.
    Again, I was feeling underwhelmed.
    I like him a lot but I just feel underwhelmed and like I would akways be the one who would push things forward or feel compelled to.
    I don’t want that,
    I do credit him with being brave and bringing all the issues up, and I like him so so much, he is a lovely guy.
    I am not angry or disappointed, I just feel shoulder-shruggy and unimpressed. It is what it is.
    And it’s ok!



  182.  #183Femininewoman on September 6, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    Iamhis I think you are reading too much into this guy’s staring. You being sccared/triggered whatever is really your issue not his. As far as I am concerned men stare. It seems so odd to me about “ending a friendship”. Most people seek friends and keep friends. Unless the person is a user in some way. Maybe I’d just stare right back or go over and ask why is he staring and ask if he could kindly stop because one it feels like disrespect, two it makes me feel uncomfortable and three how would he feel if he found his wife staring at some man.

    It seems sad to me that a man would be labeled as bad news just because he stares.



  183.  #184Kim on September 6, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    I know he would help me if I asked him to.
    I just don’t feel right asking him, there is nothing i need except a job and money and he can’t help with that.
    He always had a line, also about me trying to stay here

    ‘I wish I could do something but I can’t help you with that’.

    It now has changed because I expressed my turned-off-ness with the ex having him on back and call and me wishing if I had a man that he would have my back.
    That is why he said the ‘can I help?’ now.
    Sweet, I know.

    I appreciate that he asked, i appreciate the fun dates we have, when he takes me out for dinner etc.
    He treats me very well.
    He’s just a non-committal guy and that is the crux for me not to put any energy into this anymore.



  184.  #185Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    Kim #182
    Ahhh… good for you for suggesting he could save $$ by moving in with him…
    And his answer was NOT inspiring…
    I can see how you are feeling like YOU are pushing the relationship forward…
    I feel very proud of how you have asked All the right questions… listened to his responces with an open heart…
    You DO have your answer…
    One man closer to your forever man…



  185.  #186Liquid Light on September 6, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    I feel he is bad news because he is trying to reel IamHis back in by staring at her. IMHO, a married man should not be seeking friendships with females, flirting with other women, etc. But that’s just me. Btw, I’ve been there so many times. I have married men do this type of thing with me, stare at me, flirt with me, give me attention, and it did reel me back in. But it led nowhere and in the end it made me feel awful. So I decided Never Again and as soon as I pick up on this type of energy from a married man, I just ignore him. Or keep things extremely business-like. (This type of thing has usually happened to me in work situations.) Just my 2 cents.



  186.  #187Femininewoman on September 6, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    Kim I don’t like what you said about him either. Seems he just wants to secure the sex. I have to admit though that I wonder if there is any reflection in how you are being? Or maybe he is being emotionally filled by the ex for some reason?

    Now I feel like I am getting myself in trouble because I am not expressing myself clearly.



  187.  #188Femininewoman on September 6, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    ‘Heโ€™s just a non-committal guy and that is the crux for me not to put any energy into this anymore.”

    This might sound harsh but if this is the case why then even casual date him or have sex with him if there is no lesson to learn? To me this is just cluttering the energetic space that a commitment ready man could fill. For me the casual dates and sex involve energy.



  188.  #189Azure Blu on September 6, 2014 at 2:03 pm

    FW #188
    I tend to agree with you here…

    Kim why do you think you are still considering
    taking up ANY of your lovely siren energy with him now?



  189.  #190Kim on September 6, 2014 at 2:06 pm

    Thanks Azure and FW…love your input.
    Well, FW, yes, he might just like the companionship/sex and doesn’t want more. He has expressed wanting to be boyfriend and girlfriend (after on year….) and when I asked him what it means to him, he said ‘it’s one step up from dating’.
    It’s the exclusive gf trap, as far as I am concerned….wants to stop me seeing other men but no future plan. He knows what is important to me, I expressed it many, many times.
    I am also wondering is he is already emotionally filled by the ex friendship…and I am unsure whether his non-committal attitude is a reflection on my personality…but as evidence against, I had two men step up in the last two years, asking me to marry them and all they just weren’t a fit for other reasons…so if I inspire some tonstep up and not others, I conclude it might have something to do with men wanting commitment and marriage, and some just, well, don’t.
    Ya know?



  190.  #191Kim on September 6, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    188.. Get it.
    Because I enjoy him taking me fishing and boating and talking with him. To me it is preferable to sitting alone at home.
    I would not put him above other CD’s anymore, in fact I have an all day boating date with a guy tomorrow…
    He will be just one of many, to practice on and have fun with….no more investment or hoping/wishing things were different.



  191.  #192Kim on September 6, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    If it starts to feel bad I will definitely stop dating him altogether.



  192.  #193Liquid Light on September 6, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    Kim, this feels overly complex and overly analytical. If you enjoy his company and like him (and it sounds like you do), then spend time with him. I said it before and I’ll say it again, we teach people how to treat us. Just because he’s treated you in a certain way in the past, doesn’t mean that’s your destiny with him. If he knows you will be around no matter what then of course he has no incentive to do anything differently. It seems like the dynamic was starting to shift as he sensed you were becoming less interested and detached.. He’s been getting a different vibe from you so his tune may be changing. Just try to stay open and I would resist explaining your position and analyzing things with him. By now, he knows where you stand. The less processing with him, the better. Just go about your happy life and I bet he will be so drawn to that, like a bee to flower. Just my 2 cents.



  193.  #194prplpsn28 on September 6, 2014 at 2:30 pm

    Well…H contacted me again this morning. We didn’t have a conversation at all. He sent me a funny cartoon (that had meaning) thru private message on fb. I just responded with an “LOL”. That’s twice this week he has reached out. Wonder what it’s all about? I continue to lean back and do my own thing.



  194.  #195Kim on September 6, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    That’s 8 cents now lol.
    ๐Ÿ™‚
    Yes, that is what I am doing and intenting to do….just living my life and moving along.
    Like I said, I have expressed many times what I would like for my life. So he knows.
    I am not re-hashing and analyzing anymore.
    I was just processing what he told me.
    I actually feel pretty good letting it go and just enjoying the moments…



  195.  #196Kim on September 6, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    I have to admit, I am getting so much better at just receiving too. Before, I always felt like I had to give something back when men were so generous….taking me out for dinners, taking me on weekend trips with everything paid, buying me things….even sometimes sexually.
    I have learnt to just enjoy, and feel grateful and happy that they want to do this.
    MoM is very generous…and I am finally relaxing into receiving without feeling guilty or like I have to do something in return…and actually, I like it!
    I like NOT being a gf and receiving one day from him, and the next day from someone else.
    And the fact it is so easy, and that there are plenty of men out there who like to give to me.

    If the truth be known, I am not even wanting to be a gf unless I have a ring on my finger. Just because it means that I can stay open to many men and : may the best one win.

    It’s no fun having a race with one horse ๐Ÿ™‚



  196.  #197Indigo on September 6, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    RileyTheOwl 164,

    About the liking the pic on Facebook. I know how bad this can feel because I’ve had it happen to me before.

    YET, I would just feel like reminding you that men like to look at attractive women – especially attractive women in bikinis. Both committed men and single men. And when a man who is committed in his heart to his woman does it, it is usually just a passing thing – it lasts a few seconds and then is forgotten. It doesn’t mean ANYTHING. I would resist saying something to him – rather go inside and see what feelings/fears this brings up for you.



  197.  #198Liquid Light on September 6, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    I’m starting to think about the outfit that I’m going to wear on my date tomorrow. So fun!!!! ๐Ÿ™‚



  198.  #199Liquid Light on September 6, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    Indigo 197: Ditto!



  199.  #200Kim on September 6, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    Agree with Indigo.
    Heck, even I like to ‘check out’ attractive women….so I am not going to blame a guy when he does. I observed that this does not trigger me at all in moments when I feel totally happy with myself and the guy.
    However, if he falls off his chair because he is checking her out for, like, a few minutes, and conversation stops or something, I might consider that disrespectful.



  200.  #201Linda on September 6, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    Azure… enjoy your moments!! If I was in your situation, and things were going for me as well as they are for you… I would so have sex in the back seat if I was so moved and not think twice about it. heck… I might even intiate it! I have spent a lifetime with uncreative un spontaneous vanilla experiences and I am not getting any younger.

    I am sure Spirit cant stop thinking about you considers you one of the hottest women on the face of the earth right now. You go girl!.



  201.  #202Beloved on September 6, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    More goodness ๐Ÿ™‚
    I have felt SO rejected by my mother the past 24 hours. She wanted to talk with me about her upcoming surgery. I thought she was going to ask me to stay, to help her recover. Turns out, no, she wants me out so she can paint the room I’m in.
    I turned away quickly, and cried when I was alone in my car. Off and on since then, I’ve been feeling into it. The “unwanted” wound. Noticing all of the stories about my mother and how she values her stuff more than me, and how it’s always been that way and always will and I can just accept it. Stories about this being the nail in the coffin of our relationship. Then my mind started reaching wayyy back into the past for all of the evidence of how unloved and unwanted I was.

    For the most part, I have been able to maintain some balance and perspective. Today I felt as if I could hardly keep my eyes open, so I laid down to relax. Meditated. Reached way down deep into the pain, and cried. Gently affirmed over and over, I’m willing to forgive and let go. It felt like ___ and seemed like ___ and I’m willing to forgive and let go for my own sake, for my own health, happiness and well being.

    My mom came home and was all super bright and all “Oh, I LOVE you!!”. I felt bitter and bitey and angry and said, “not as much as you love your stuff”. There was a brief exchange about the clutter that covers every single surface of the house (because my belief is, she just wants to fill this room up with more junk because there is no where else left to put anything in the house, not a single nook or cranny, plus 3 storage spaces full).

    I have been noticing all of the times I felt punishey and wanted to close my heart to her. “She better not DARE ask me to take care of her when she can’t get around anymore”. “She better not even THINK about asking ME for help after her surgery.”

    Catching myself, over and over again. Coaching myself so so sweetly. Isn’t it good, Beloved, to get in touch with this tender place that loves my mother so much? Isn’t is so good, to feel this? Isn’t it wonderful, that this nasty, festering wound is coming up to release?

    So, after the exchange, I left to go shop. I let myself bawl full out like a 2-year old, hoping nobody would see me in my car ๐Ÿ™‚ When I got into the store I told myself, focus, we’re shopping now, if we need to feel this stuff later, that’s fine, but this is what we are doing now and I need to focus.

    M’kay. Shop shop shop. Walk walk walk. Talk talk talk to myself about it. Since I didn’t have anyone I felt I could call, I imagined up a therapist in my mind. Told her all about, how I knew I was trying to emotionally manipulate, was playing the blame game, trying to hurt back, and I really really didn’t want to pick back up with that when I got home.

    Imaginary therapist asks – what do you want?
    I don’t know, I think, I want something I can’t imagine.

    Soon it sort of left my awareness and I was happily shopping. I got home, my mom approached me again all bright and happy, I felt brighter and happier, started talking about my grandson, and then there we were, just happy to be together, chit-chatting.

    It just occurred to me as I’m typing this that I don’t think my mom has even thought about the fact that she might need help in recovery, and that maybe she doesn’t think she can get this room painted while I’m here. I DO want to move out, and since my student loan hasn’t come through, I feel hesitant to make any big moves, which is probably at least part of what was behind me freaking out with S.

    So, I will talk to her more when she gets back, from a softer space.

    I feel much softer and more peaceful now ๐Ÿ™‚
    It’s so funny how releasing those snivelly, snotty little-girl tears can make me feel so good and refreshed.



  202.  #203Beloved on September 6, 2014 at 4:16 pm

    Oh, I almost forgot – I want to share this story I heard yesterday on The Moth radio hour.
    It’s a true and fun love story told from the man’s perspective.

    http://themoth.org/posts/stories/about-you-and-me

    He and his wife divorced, and re-married. Here he tells the story of his revelations and changes along the way. I LOVE the ending so much I want to share. It isn’t very long, and was written to be entertaining so check it out!



  203.  #204Sophie on September 6, 2014 at 4:55 pm

    Linda – I love your comment to Azure Blu it made me laugh and Azure Blu I agree with everything everyone has said to you – smiley face – has he contacted you today? Update? ๐Ÿ™‚

    Purple – I feel soooo impressed with your leaning back with H – I really, really do. How are you feeling?

    Beloved I love how you explain the processes of your emotions so vividly and fully and how you are able to move through them thank you for that.

    My day has been emotional waves too. They swell up then break then are calm. I feel amazed by all the emotions I can feel in one day.

    First thing, I felt trapped, stiffled unmotivated.
    Then I started to pack everything and felt more energised.
    Then I put on some music and got distracted playing my tambourine. I felt fun and alive then all these memories crashed in on me from the past and I felt sad and I cried. Then I felt melancholy and I felt sad that things with B are so awful and I had been wishing him out of the house (he had gone out of the house). Then I changed the music and felt more contented. I felt grateful I could go through my packing process alone. Every book I put in a box had a memory for me. Then B came back and I once again felt angry and like my space was gone. Then I felt guilty. Then I felt laughter because I’d felt guilt for wishing him gone but when he’d come back I’d wished he was gone again. Then I sent a message to an old friend as I was feeling sentimental. And he messaged me back and I felt warm and contented. Then I talked to my friend and we had some proper laughing fits so I felt uplifted. Then I did some family tree research and made some breakthroughs about our elusive family name and a child out of wedlock and I called my dad and we both felt excited. Then B came in saying that I’d packed his baking tin so I felt cross again. Ha ha Now I feel good. Everything I own bar a box in the kitchen and a box in the bedroom is packed away. Tomorrow is admin day.



  204.  #205prplpsn28 on September 6, 2014 at 5:44 pm

    Sophie…Thank you. I’m feeling ok. I still have emotional days but doing much better.



  205.  #206Sophie on September 6, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    ๐Ÿ™‚ That’s fab Purple xx



  206.  #207Liquid Light on September 6, 2014 at 6:01 pm

    Kim 195 LOL! ๐Ÿ™‚



  207.  #208Linda on September 6, 2014 at 6:07 pm

    Tears are cleansing just like rain sometimes.

    I have always had a very challenging relationship with my mother. She is prickly with sharp edges, opinionated , emotionally unavailable except to express anger and to verbalize how she has been slighted or offended by a family member or co-worker. I knoe that one of the biggest contributing factors to my decision to marry who and when I did (age 20) was due to the type of childhood and unhappy relationship I had with her. It was my escape.

    My mother grew up in a harsh environment she had to get tuff to survive. Money was scarce. I have come to accept the fact that she treated/treats me the way she was treated. It is who she is. She does not have in her skill set the tools to resolve issues relationally. She shuts down and closes up after putting you in your place. I have NEVER heard her utter the words “I am sorry” my entire life and what ever the disagreement is… she always has just reason to feel the way she does.

    Because money was scarce she has devoted her life to making it and having it and nice things. She declared the other day the she will never be without it again. That is not bad.. however, it is the vibe she throws off that is so distastful. I have money and it qualifies me to be respected and entitles her speak, feel, do as she wills to whomever she is dealing with . It is quite ugly to be around.

    Three weeks ago Sunday I had gone out to the garage and discovered that my less than 5 year old water heater had sprung a leak! It was under warranty but the labor to fix it was not and all my estimates were nothing short of $475. I was feeling so discouraged and challanged. My salary is stretched to its max. She happened to call and I mentioned what I discovered. She immediately went into blaming mode. Making it MY fault and had I been more wise and cautious something like this would not be happening. Her exact words were… “Wait a minute !!…you have got to have those things serviced!…. I replied…who gets their water heater serviced”?? Oh she does! BULLLL SHiiii!T

    Instead of offering any kind of “oh that unfortunate”… she had to make sure that she let me know that it was MY error and or carelessness that brought this hardship and what else did I expect? I found her opinion wrong and very offensive and I said… well I do not have the funds available to … and she interrupted me and said “I cannot talk to you about money” !!!! I spoke up and said…” Why??? mom… I feel like you look down your nose at me about money and”…she interrupted me again yelling she was not going be spoken to like that and hung up on me.

    You know I am so tired of her hard cutting sharp words. I dont feel soft toward her or wrong for speaking my feelings. I had no energy to bow only to courage to speak my heart. She hung up on me… so be it. I am leaning waaay back. I have been purging, cleansing my emotional house today. I have not shared this with a soul. I dont want to be treated like that anymore. Yes she is my mother but my boundries have changed.



  208.  #209Linda on September 6, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    Beloved’s post triggered this for me. I understand feeling rejected by your mother. It has been there all my life. THe good thing is… I have purposed to not turn out or into her. I will keep seeking connection love and healing .



  209.  #210Beloved on September 6, 2014 at 6:45 pm

    (((Linda)))



  210.  #211Beloved on September 6, 2014 at 6:56 pm

    Sophie it feels good to feel complimented, thank you! I love imagining you playing your tambourine and moving through all of those feelings.



  211.  #212lovetodance on September 6, 2014 at 7:13 pm

    Linda…..
    purging cleaning your emotional house…..not easy….but from your recent posts….you seem very up to the task

    I feel the arduousness of it….I know this territory also

    like a miner panning for gold….dredging, rinsing, searching…..

    the alchemical process of turning, churning, sifting…..

    what stays, what goes….?

    sometimes finding our limits….going past our limits….we find home again…..i feel alot of respect for you as you do this process….I feel your capability…

    be gentle on yourself and your sweet heart…..



  212.  #213Linda on September 6, 2014 at 7:26 pm

    Beloved. I listened to the link. Thank you for sharing it. Thanks for the hugs. My mom is who she is and I am me. I have accepted the fact that I will be in her life what she lets me be and she will do what she decides. I stopped using her opinion/ approval or lack of it as something I measure my worth or wellness by a long time ago. There was a time I could not say that but I stopped giving my power to her a long time ago.

    The man in recording mentioned the difference in the foundations of relationships and noted being related to someone is very different than one that involves choosing who you love and staying with them. I am going to hide that little jewel in my heart.



  213.  #214Linda on September 6, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    Love to dance. Thank you sooo much. !!! Your words feel loving and nurturing to me. I feel heard and understood.



  214.  #215Beloved on September 6, 2014 at 8:30 pm

    Linda I feel delighted that you listened to the link!
    I cried.

    And hey, this bawling like a big fat messy immature bratty snotty 2-year old is working for me!
    I missed out on seeing a friend of mine who visited from out of state and noticed on FB how she made a big shout-out to everyone in the WORLD that she managed to see but meeeee while she was here.
    And she had the NERVE to say she couldn’t access me. So I was like, WTF, you could have called!

    I felt the pain rising up in my chest and I let it burn. I got all pouty-lipped and cried. Thought about unfriending her. Ran quickly through some stories about our friendship being over and stories to justify it. Hovered over the button…and reminded myself to breathe.
    Did some EFT. Cried even more, just like a little kid, sniffling and ugly and snotty and messy. Then got a message from her about what had happened, and how she brought me gifts, and I was the only one she had brought gifts for so she was going to mail them to me.
    I told her I felt sad and bratty and hated feeling like everyone in the World was more important than meeeeee and told her I cried like a baby and then laughed like a baby after hearing she had brought me some gifts, lol. I told her I felt sh!tty I hadn’t tried harder to see her, partly because of school and if I’m being honest, partly because I was kind of testing to see if she would put any effort into seeing me.

    And now I feel…okay. Done with it. I feel happy she is home safe, and happy that her grandson got to see his family here, and happy that her ex flew her, her son and grandson out to visit and that she got to see people she loves.

    Maybe I’m getting the hang of being quick to forgive?
    Maybe… ๐Ÿ™‚



  215.  #216Indigo on September 7, 2014 at 1:00 am

    Kim 200,

    Lol! If it goes beyond “she’s pretty” with a man I have been known to go quiet and leave the room! I accept that a man can fleetingly appreciate the good looks of another woman but I don’t stick around for it if it affects the way I feel



  216.  #217Indigo on September 7, 2014 at 1:31 am

    On the subject of family relationships, I have decided to just stop apologizing for who I am, and just rather say straight out what I am like. I know I’m very quiet and introverted, and hence different from most people in that way, and hence sometimes a bit more difficult to understand, but I’m tired of trying to mould myself to make myself fit in a bit more or to be a bit more of what people want me to be, and then paying the price for it in terms of my rest and peace of mind.

    I’m just going to be myself. And I will do my best to explain that to my loved ones and those in my life in a loving and non-blaming way. But I just don’t think I can compromise myself any more. I don’t want to. I know if I do it will have consequences later, so I’d rather be straight out.

    For example, I really can’t bear people shouting things to me from across the house, rather than coming to talk to me like a civilized person, especially if they are unimportant things. My stepdad does that. And last night, I said that to him. Don’t shout things, I cannot handle it. And if it is not important, rather leave me alone. Because I know, if I don’t put this boundary in place, I will end up moving out.



  217.  #218Indigo on September 7, 2014 at 5:57 am

    Beloved 215,

    I still get all those feelings around an incident just like the one you described – I do find that I am always able to ultimately release people and give them wings to fly away, or ultimately return to me if they wish. But I do still run the full gammet of emotions – wondering about them, their character, the strength of our friendship or their affection or loyalty to me etc. etc. some of it judgey stuff, some of it quite legitimate. I don’t like doing that. I don’t like being in other people’s business so much, but there it is. That is my process. I wish more people stuck or stayed, but it is what it is. It seems like friendship is a more flowing in and out thing these days. Or at least that’s how it has been for me of late.



  218.  #219Sophie on September 7, 2014 at 6:33 am

    Yesterday he made me unpack to find a baking tin (which I think is mine but I don’t care its aluminium and old and costs about ยฃ3) and a serving spoon which I packed by mistake. Today he is going through the boxes, unpacking them to find a soup ladle which I know I haven’t got. I just cried to myself in my room out of sheer frustration. I honestly don’t know where my patience is coming from. I am right on the edge of losing it. I don’t want to go out right now cos I like not having to but I’m looking forward to going to work tomorrow to get away from him ๐Ÿ™



  219.  #220Linda on September 7, 2014 at 6:36 am

    Hey Indigo. You know I identify with you about that. Since I started doing the work of loving instead of loathing myself I have for the first time in my whole life “fit into my skin”. It does feel peaceful. No more pretzel twisty stuff trying to be, do accept things that don’t fit or enhance me. My quest to be authentic with others has required that I be that way with myself first. It is a great side perk but really it should have been the goal all along. Interesting how things work out the way they do.

    When I was seeing P I was open to listen to him.. willing to consider his “message to me” as with every other person that comes into my inner circle. I certainly do not feel I have “arrived” and have nothing else to learn. Thing was it became so taxing and I felt so “off” and “unharmonious” and “out of balance” with myself.

    Like you no more apologies for who I am and no more relationships that personally caustic for me.



  220.  #221Sophie on September 7, 2014 at 6:45 am

    My stomach feels tight and knotted. My shoulders feel like sharp blades of glass jetting out. My mouth is bunched and tense. i want to eat. I want to sleep. I want to stuff all these feelings down or sleep them away. I want to be away from him.

    I want to shout and scream but I am breathing instead. Just get through these days. Just get through these days. And I feel so angry because I am trying to keep my own vibe, stay productive with my own missions, not let him bring me down…but he does and I do become less productive and then I really dislike him for that too. So the tension and the misery becomes bigger though I am trying not to let it – not to buy into the stories in my head that ‘without him…this’ and ‘without him that…’ It is pointless, it is what it is. There is no ‘without him’. He is here. He is who he is being who he is. Just a few more weeks and I am free.



  221.  #222Beloved on September 7, 2014 at 6:57 am

    Indigo I like the imagery of friends flowing in and out, like sunlit waves on the beach, ebb and flow, ebb and flow. Feels so relaxing to imagine.

    I heard from my friend this morning and I feel sheepish.

    Initially, I felt horrified.
    She told me a condensed version of her week and it sounded massively awful. She didn’t tell me in a way that was trying to get my sympathy or pity or anything, she was just relaying her experience and saying, it was a major dunk of old patterns and being faced with our shadow sides for all of us.

    While I was feeling all testy and holding back and making up stories about who she was hanging out with and all the fun she was having with people I can’t stand (but she is bound to through family and former marriage), she was having meltdowns, her ex picked a fight with her mom, her mom picked a fight with her current husband, she got lost for hours in a huge city, she was fighting with her ex and a massively triggering time was had by all.

    I love love my friend and I know how she is and she knows how I am and it’s good. I feel grateful that I have learned enough to not to throw away a 12-year friendship over this. The hurt feelings passed very quickly and we both feel so happy to get back to feeling good and connected again. I feel so much appreciation for her in my life.

    I feel so so so grateful for the presence of mind that held me and kept me focused on my feelings before I did any damage to our friendship. I feel like near-crying, so full of gratitude.



  222.  #223Femininewmano on September 7, 2014 at 6:57 am

    ((((((((((((((((Sophie))))))))))))))



  223.  #224Linda on September 7, 2014 at 7:16 am

    Oh dear !!! Sophie. This rings through to me as belittling and demeaning . First he refuses to help with the process of you leaving then to only find the energy to go thru packed boxes! He is either very heartless and cold or he is coping with this change and he pain by elevating and empower himself as right or superior by making another small and inferior to them.

    Painful for you and it would feel awful to me. With the place that I am today… I certainly would not be timid or behave small because you are not small. I would roar like a lion and confront him. But that is me. Be kind to yourself and okay with whatever you have the strength to do because you are not a team and his opinion does not matter at all… it is all about you.

    xoxo



  224.  #225Linda on September 7, 2014 at 7:26 am

    Sophie.. I so hope you find a lion hiding in your room and let it roar!!!!



  225.  #226Sophie on September 7, 2014 at 7:45 am

    It’s pointless arguing with him Linda. It just makes everything worse for me. Ever since the altercation about him moving his stuff so I can organise mine and then him dictating to me what is going to happen I have just been not talking to him, for the best of my ability just pretending he’s not here and getting on with my thing. He doesn’t listen to how I feel about anything so there’s no point in saying anything and he will do whatever he wants to do regardless of whether I try to push his move out date forward or not so that feels pointless too. I may as well just accept that he’s going to paint his room after he’s had his daughter to stay and on his terms. Therefore, I have nothing to say to him. I really despise him right now. And he knows it. His going through all the boxes and being petty about stuff is his only way of getting any of my attention I think. It’s all just totally pointless.

    I feel amazed at how depressed it makes me feel. It is controlling and demeaning Linda. It’s relentless bullying. First sunny day here in ages and I’ve gone back to bed ๐Ÿ™



  226.  #227Azure Blu on September 7, 2014 at 7:46 am

    ((((Sophie))))
    I agree with Linda, you are letting your lion roar!!
    YOU Are AMAZING!!!

    I remember reading in Harriet Lerners Amazing book “The Dance of Anger” (one BIG influence on my journey to loving ME!!)
    In close relationships, When we make changes in ourselves, the other person begins to push Very hard for us to Change Back… because they NEED the dance to stay the same…
    You have made incredible changes in YOU!!! lovely Siren… B is Soooo uncomfortable he will do whatever he can to hope you break down and act the same…

    Yes, only a few more weeks!!! oxoxo



  227.  #228Sophie on September 7, 2014 at 7:57 am

    Thanks Azur Blu – yes that’s probably true. Soooo just expect it – see it for what it is – keep my eyes on the prize and breeeeaaatthhheee ๐Ÿ™‚

    Linda I’m going to visualise the Lion guarding my door roooaaarriiinggg at him ๐Ÿ™‚



  228.  #229Liquid Light on September 7, 2014 at 9:07 am

    Sophie: You sound amazing and courageous. I think your attitude is great – just hang in there, girl, and get through the next few days. I so admire your determination and strength. You sound like you are such an incredible lioness!!!

    (((((((((((((((((((((((Sophie))))))))))))))))))))))



  229.  #230Beloved on September 7, 2014 at 9:24 am

    Here’s another story from The Moth radio hour that made me feel passionate and alive. Satori tells the story of the profound lessons in gratitude she learned from her mother as her mother lay dying, then later lust and zest for life re-awakening after suffering the loss of first her mother, then her son.

    http://themoth.org/posts/episodes/grandparents-pole-dancing-and-lust-re-aired-826

    It’s the last one on the list, called “Too Much” by Satori Shakoor. I’m including the link to the page with several episodes because all of them are stories about relationships that touched my heart and made me feel a lot of different emotions, especially joy and appreciation for our shared humanness.

    I LOVE this show. They play it on public radio on Saturdays, along with other radio shows I really love listening to like This American Life, Snap Judgment and Radio Lab. I make the 75-minute drive to visit my grandson and Co. nearly every Saturday and it feels like Special Date time with myself, listening to these stories while I drive.



  230.  #231Indigo on September 7, 2014 at 10:08 am

    Sophie,

    I feel very worried about you.

    I realize you have decided what is best for you to do, and what you can handle, even though I would have changed the locks by now and given him a time when I was accompanied by a male friend when he could come and get his things.

    I would love to see you getting firmer with him – not for the sake of this situation, but for the sake of future ones, which will surely present themselves if you just run away. Use every tool in your artillery to show him that he does not call the shots.

    I send you love xx



  231.  #232Sophie on September 7, 2014 at 11:08 am

    Ah Indigo, I hear you. I feel so confused. I don’t know why I’ve never found it in myself to just kick him out and I certainly don’t ever want a rerun. I feel so confused too cos when he is feeling vulnerable (like a bit earlier) then he starts begging me and pleading and looking terrified which dissipates the energy required to just turf him out. And I question MYSELF too and my part but then I wonder if that’s just a reflection of the fact that he’s been able to diminish my power and manipulate my head. I think that’s likely, in fact I KNOW that but I don’t want to assume perfection – arrrgghhh. Indigo – I need to never let a man like him near me again. I hope this is lesson enough. I don’t think I’ve still got it in me to put his stuff on the curb (what IS this stuck place? – makes me feel useless :() Still he hasn’t got all the shots. He certainly hasn’t got me and that was part of his begging earlier too that I still be his friend. I said that I didn’t want to be. Its takes A LOT to make a loyal person not loyal. I’ve wondered myself if I am running away and I don’t have a clear answer. On the one hand I am it is a convenient way to just be done with this situation. On the other I’m not it’s just trampolined me into doing what I’ve wanted to do for ages. And I need it. I need a completely new environment to embrace some completely new energies. To HEAL.



  232.  #233Sophie on September 7, 2014 at 11:09 am

    Thank you LL that feels lovely to hear ๐Ÿ™‚ xxx



  233.  #234Sophie on September 7, 2014 at 11:20 am

    And I always feel so confused between this fine line between wanting to have, and feeling, compassion for him – he is genuinely stressed and afraid. And feeling really, really angry when my well-being is then sacrificed in the process. I struggle with this a lot.



  234.  #235Violette on September 7, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    Seeing AD tonight. I haven’t been seeing other men because my life is soooo wrapped up in work, too much, and I really am intending to change that, to get to a better place, because I don’t have much time to take care of me and expand my friendship network in new city, very important! Especially with how serious AD is being with me.

    I love his attentions, but the truth is, it actually becomes a bit much. He compliments me NON-STOP. I know it’s a nice problem to have, but it becomes annoying. He tells me I’m beautiful, that Iook beautiful tonight, that I’m a nice person, that he trusts, me, that he wants us to be together for a lot of years, that I’m funny, that he believes I’m good at my main career, the one I’m struggling in right now, that he wants to be with me all the time, that he thinks about me all the time, that I’m a great kisser, that he would marry me, that he’s falling for me. He asks me, am I falling for him? And then, after the date he texts me with the same thing, I make him happy, sweet dreams, or have a wonderful day.

    I feel like I could suffocate! On the one hand I love it, but…it really is a bit much, I wish he would tone it down a little. How do I feel more comfortable here?

    I am a bit too polite, I pretend to love it every time he says it, because I’ve wanted to hear it from others for so long, and I feel like I’m supposed to love it. I wonder what would happen if I…just didn’t really react every now and then, waited until I really felt appreciation to show it…

    He brought me to his town (he lives a bit away from me) and introduced me to his friends, took me to his neighborhood restaurant, and showed me his apt. I wasn’t ready to go to his place…but he insisted! So I let him. I just didn’t want to feel the inner conflict, with wanting to sleep with him but not wanting to go there yet. I feel like I really could fall in love with him. But I want to enjoy this phase, the formal, dating, haven’t had sex yet phase for as long as I can. Because it’s still simple now. I still feel empowered. I feel a little afraid of feeling him become my whole world.

    I guess that’s where CDing comes in. Well, I am doing my best. I know that. If anything I need to give myself a major break.



  235.  #236teresa on September 7, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    I have taken a step back for the last couple of days. Each day has been a struggle…thinking and wondering will I ever get past all of this.

    It has been 3 weeks since I have spoken with lookingwisely/G. I often wonder what he is up to… has he thought about me? I feel so confused? The need to contact him has been relentless? (But I haven’t) I have sacrificed so much of who I was for him…..I lost my identity.

    I am trying to just focus on me. Figuring out who I am and what I want in a relationship. I don’t feel very attractive right at this point. I have been told by many that I do not have a good poker face so everyone see’s when I am down.

    I still have some emotional days but I know as each day passes it will get easier.



  236.  #237teresa on September 7, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    Linda,

    You inspire me!!!



  237.  #238Violette on September 7, 2014 at 3:21 pm

    Also S has sent me a text message asking if I want to have coffee. I would be friends with him but I know that’s not what he wants. I don’t really know what to say. It’s like he doesn’t accept why I broke up with him. He is a controlling one. It’s a touch thing for me.



  238.  #239Lucy on September 7, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    (((Beloved))))
    Thank you for the link to “The Moth”. I never heard of that website before, and I really like it. I liked the story about Horace who remarried his wife. It triggered me a bit because he is a Capricorn, and both men who I have strong feelings for are Capricorns.

    ((Kim))) Sounds to me like you are doing so well. You know what you want and are holding out for it.

    ((Teresa)) It’s coming up on a month for me, too, with techieCD i.e. no talking, no contact. It can be quite difficult to know how much his feelings changed. He asked me if I would spend the rest of my life with him, if I would go to New York with him etc. etc. He always told me he loved me. But in the end, he is still too attached to his ex wife.

    (((Violette))) You current CD sounds very serious and lovely. I used to get overwhelmed with my CD’s talk about love, and how wonderful I was, and what a good kisser, and how great our sex was, and how our love was real love, true love, true love forever.

    We are not together anymore. He also said “We’re not a couple” and “You are more serious about this relationship than I am.”

    Ouch. I think your feelings of discontent at his constant verbiage are very important to listen to. Men can talk, talk, talk but sometimes where they are really is a very different place.

    (((Azure))) I love that you got intimate with SpiritCD in such a fun way! The whole thing sounds very good!

    I have a very heavy work week ahead, and am not really in the mood to CD at all. I guess I have a lot of emails on one site, but feeling too burdened to answer them all.

    Lucy



  239.  #240Mandy on September 7, 2014 at 4:25 pm

    Just popping in to emotionally ponder for a second…

    Sometimes even when J and I are doing well and I’m on track with myself, I still feel triggered if he says he thinks an actress in a movie we’re watching is adorable and sexy.

    I thought I was past this. It keeps coming up.

    And I wonder, why is it that a lot of women need to feel like number one, the Queen B? It is inherent is a lot of women. I have always been the jealous type and the coaching has flipped that card for me.

    Why do we still feel that trigger like we felt it before coaching, sometimes? It so feels like a setback to me.

    It’s lik i feel so gorgeous, he’s into me, his energy is coming towards me, he bought me dinner and we were intimate and he’s taking care of me, yet, when he says he thinks this woman other than I is hot I still feel triggered and it’s double-crazy for me because I say women are hot all the time. Like “Angelina Jolie is so sexy and sultry.” It flies right out, then when I hear the same line from my man I \get triggered.

    One time when I was about six, my dad made a comment to the television in general how gorgeous a woman’s legs were. I got REALLY mad at him! I was pissed! I left the room and he asked where I was going, don’t go, and I said, “You’re ONLY allowed to say that to MOM!”.

    I can’t believe I actually said that when I was a child, and had no concept of attraction, boyfriends, romance, etc, when I was the purest form of myself I could be, with no outside influence. I was really mad!

    J admitted the other day that guys say things they have no idea what impact it will have on their beloved. He has even told me he’s gone to the trouble of making obsessively sure he doesn’t look at other women around me, and that actually felt awful. I felt so guilty. He’s a guy he’s going to look and see other pretty ladies.

    I just had that epiphany in the kitchen when I was fixing myself a cup of espresso, like, WHY do we feel the absolute need to be the only woman in the world to a man? What would it feel like if I in particular wasn’t focused on if I was the only woman in the world to J or not, but if I was just focused on me, being a Siren, a Diva and a Star? It’s like, breathe, then “That’s cool.”, then back to what I was saying/doing/feeling”.

    I could easily choose to do that. I loved the idea of CHOICE in Love Scripts. Choice is my very favorite thing…I love having choice, because I am so oppositional/defiant and have problems with authority and force, so when given a choice, when I give MYSELF a choice, I feel pretty darn happy. I feel like, hm, I like this choice better, so I’ll switch gears, or switch hats, as it were, and start crocheting or listening to music or drawing if I am not in the space or place to be riffing in private. Then I’ll go riff in private and come back and do something fun, it works for me to switch it up, to go and come back, sort of like how when you feel awful, like you’ve had an awful day, when you sleep it off, you feel better int he morning because you’ve had a break. It’s like a reset button for my feelings. It works well.

    Boy does that feeling overtake me sometimes though, that jealousy and anger. It’s not learned for me, it’s completely natural and I just don’t get it, but at least I have a plan of how to deal with it.



  240.  #241teresa on September 7, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    Lucy 238

    I think we can both relate. Lookingwisely/G has asked me to move to Florida with him when we retire. We even talked about getting married also. He also asked me to move in with him. He said he like that’s that I have some of the same ideas as he…like to stay at home for a quiet night. So I am sure we are both asking ourselves….what is going on??



  241.  #242Kim on September 7, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    Hellooooo..just checking in. Was supposed to go boating with MrP today but the weather turned sour, so we re-scheduled. MoM stepped in and asked me out for dinner…so I accepted. He took me to a lovely restaurant, on the water, rustic and old, with simple but great food.
    It was a lovely evening and I expressed and felt so grateful and happy just to sit by the water…aaaaahhh.
    He knew he just stepped in for another CD…lol.
    I feel spoilt….nothing more or less.
    Just staying in the moment.



  242.  #243Lucy on September 7, 2014 at 4:55 pm

    (((Teresa))))

    I’m not asking myself what’s going on with technieCD — it doesn’t really matter, just like Rori says.

    I’m not getting what I want, so I moved on.

    Just loving all the parts of me that hurt, listening to my feelings, realizing that some of my feelings are just disappointment at the normal ups and downs of life.

    The weird thing is, I’ve achieved most of my goals in life! My children are wonderful, and I have a great home and friends, and the coolest job.

    Was just walking outside yesterday, and asking myself “Could I live alone for the rest of my life — well, yes I could. Rather than submit to any form of what I consider poor treatment.”

    Lucy



  243.  #244Linda on September 7, 2014 at 8:17 pm

    Sophie.. for some reason I thought you were the one moving out. I had it backward!! ooops. I really missed something here. I dont understand and I must have missed a page or something. but…

    I have lived with/thru what you are dealing with. I was sooo unhappy and I did not exercise my power. I know the struggle of compassion for someone or personal wellness. I sacrificed my wellness. What I did then is NOT what I should have done or would do now.

    If I had it to do over again…knowing what I know now
    ( as hindsight is always 20/20). I would not struggle one iota, nor would I blink an eye before I put his things on the curb (baking tin, soup laddle and all) AND the locks would be changed already. Him scared… ummm his problem not my concern. His calling the shots.. ummm NO!!

    I know I have been there. I have stayed in my room. Not gone home. Oh it was sooo backwards.

    OMGoodness I am soo stirred up. I am sooo rooooaaring ROOOOOAAAARRR ok… now that was some left over emotional cleanup for me and what I lived thru. But it is for you too.

    I obviously dont know the whole story because I had it backward but why are you waiting a few weeks? I truly missed a post or something.



  244.  #245Linda on September 7, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    Lucy… I have come to that place as well and have peace with it now.

    I could live alone for the rest of my life and be okay. I have no tolerance or energy to receive or put up with poor treatment from a man or any of the drama at all.



  245.  #246Indigo on September 7, 2014 at 10:29 pm

    Sophie 231 & 233,

    That’s why I feel firm, but fair boundaries are the answer.

    You don’t need to be callous – and for me, dumping someone’s things on the curb would be callous – but you can give him reasonable notice of a time when he must be out/collect his things. And if he doesn’t cooperate, then you start playing a bit hardball. That way you have been fair and reasonable to him, but you have also given yourself a deadline and permission to act. I’m sorry to say it, but is he not using your compassion against you? He is a grown man. It feels so tempting to want to show strength *after* he is gone – as in “I’ll never have a man like that again” – but my belief is that you need to show strength now.

    Love to you x



  246.  #247Indigo on September 7, 2014 at 10:31 pm

    At the same time, Sophie, I’m cautious of projecting. I do believe you know what is best for you to do, and what is best for your journey. And I wish you luck



  247.  #248Azure Blu on September 7, 2014 at 11:58 pm

    Hello lovely Sirens,
    A little follow up on Spirit and me…
    I hadn’t heard from him on Sat after our friday back seat fun,,,
    I was at the grocery store around 7:00 pm and was looking in my purse and realized I had my pantie*
    there.. it made me smile
    sooo i thought I’d text him
    “My pantie* are still in my purse!! :->”
    he textd me right back and said Oh, boy!! :-))
    Then proceeded to text me off and on throughout his college football game… (he loves football)
    i textd him back also… then by 10:00pm I got bored and just stopped answering…
    I’m thinking I need to at least say
    “I need to go now… sweet dreams… Kisses”
    He likes that better than dropping it…

    I wanted to talk to him on the phone… I could have called him and he would have talked during halftime… I just didn’t feel like it… :-\
    I always get shy when I get closer and closer to a man that I really like… I don’t know how to break that?

    He textd me today (Sun) and said he was “finishing up his game of golf… and going to see the grandkids…life is good…”
    So I took a picture of me doing my pedicure and “going to play pool with my son… Yes, darling man, life is very good on this gorgeous mich. day”
    It felt good to be in contact but still…
    See…. because we have had sex… and he’s told me he loves me and likes me and I’ve told him also and he acts sooo close when we are together…
    I WANT MORE, and MORE…
    But I know full well I couldn’t handle all of that yet…

    I feel like I am getting softer on the inside… :-((
    The needy vibe is showing its head…

    Soooo I need to LOVE ME… stay on MY horse…
    I’ve been thinking about him more and more…
    Job wise I have MUCH work… also lots of “to dos” to take care of…
    It will feel good to continue getting them done…
    I LOVE YOU AZURE… You have made sooo much good happen in YOUR life in such a short time…
    I am loving my little girl who is wanting me to pick her up and give her LOTs of LOVE… so she can blossom into her goddess self!!!



  248.  #249Sophie on September 8, 2014 at 12:00 am

    Indigo – I hear you I really do. I don’t feel sure about anything. I feel very confused. You mention your projections and in my situation I feel really confused where MY projections are and where his are. This is one of the reasons I crave space so much I think so I can get some clarity.

    Linda – Sorry for the confusion. I am moving out. I have tenants moving in. Which means B has to move out. He had to move out anyway. But he still hasn’t found anywhere to go and he’s been given so much time. Its only three more weeks now so hence the continued confusion around whether I just live with it. Or force him to go sooner. It all blew up again as he was being obstructive again around me getting the house organised (which he’s now backtracked on). It would have been nice to have just been able to get organised by myself (definitely without obstruction and also without the emotional drain) and have sometime alone where I could look forward to my future. I feel happy if my situation has helped you with some more healing ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thank you both for you comments xxx



  249.  #250Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 12:11 am

    (((Sophie)))
    I can feel how it would be very difficult to get much clarity while he is right there with YOU…

    and I have been in at space with a man (BK) where I just couldn’t do anymore until I did have time away to get my mind clear!
    YOU ARE DOING GREAT!!! oxoxo



  250.  #251Sophie on September 8, 2014 at 12:22 am

    (((Azur Blu)))

    You sound soft and brave, bravely opening up to receive more of what he can give you and keeping aware of how you are feeling and gentle with yourself. I love all these examples of women going through their journeys. Thank you for sharing.

    I envy you your nights sleep! ha ha I’m racing off to work – though mine was nice ๐Ÿ™‚ I imagine you all tucked up xx



  251.  #252Sophie on September 8, 2014 at 12:23 am

    ((Linda)) I bet in hindsight I will feel the same. I feel so confused how ay of this situation is still continuing!



  252.  #253Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 12:46 am

    Sophie… thank you!!! I feel warm hearing that you feel I am staying open to Spirit…
    as you know
    The MORE emotional intimacy I feel the more fear
    I feel… NO I CAN change that…
    The MORE emotional intimacy I feel with Spirit
    the more my heart opens to HIS love…

    I should be in bed!!! it’s 3:45 am here!!! have a great day at work!!!
    hugsss



  253.  #254Sophie on September 8, 2014 at 1:09 am

    3:45! Night Owl! Thank you – have a good day too – hugs



  254.  #255Femininewoman on September 8, 2014 at 1:20 am

    Sophie I totally agree with Linda with regard to your situation. You’ve got to drive a stake in the ground and vote for yourself. I have seen Rori advise a woman to call the cops if she was done with a man and he kept coming at her in a way she doesn’t want. Girl your heart comes first. You have to do what you need to take care of you.



  255.  #256Veronica on September 8, 2014 at 1:49 am

    Sophie โ€“ 140 โ€“ Thank you xxx I like very much what you said about creativity requiring openness. I really like who Funny is. Your situation with having to wait for B to move out โ€“ oh I feel helpless not knowing what to say to you to make it better in some way. ((((((((Sophie))))))))))))



  256.  #257Veronica on September 8, 2014 at 1:54 am

    Azure Blu โ€“ 162 โ€“ I share with you and I feel so okay, like I can do all this. I appreciate your interest โ€“ it opened up a moment for me to explore something I couldnโ€™t reach by myself. Thank you so much dear Azure xxxx



  257.  #258teresa on September 8, 2014 at 4:12 am

    Lucy 242

    I guess I haven’t got past this crazy mess. I wish I could stop asking myself those questions. Inside I keep falling apart. I want strength right now. I don’t want to feel like I have to hate him to move on.

    I was getting what I wanted…he moved on and I have know idea. His ugly jealously surfaced and it was over. I too also realize that some of my feelings are just disappointment at the normal ups and downs of life.

    Saddest part for me is I asked myself the same question you did “asking yourself โ€œCould I live alone for the rest of my life โ€” well, yes I could”. I don’t want to be treated poorly.

    Thanks



  258.  #259Linda on September 8, 2014 at 4:16 am

    Ok Sophie I get it now.



  259.  #260Indigo on September 8, 2014 at 4:18 am

    254 Feminine Woman,

    That is exactly what I would do. I had a situation with a stepmother who kept overstepping my boundaries in a very unhealthy and outrageous way, and I kept voicing my displeasure and she never thought I’d really do anything because she was “family”. Until one day I’d had enough and got lawyers involved. She saw in that moment that I would use whatever means I needed to to get my own peace back, and that I would not shy away from using force, and she backed right off.



  260.  #261Linda on September 8, 2014 at 4:20 am

    Hi Teresa. Sending you hugs..

    I feel curious about something you just posted.

    Were you really getting what you wanted?



  261.  #262Emerson on September 8, 2014 at 4:23 am

    Today I feel hopeless since the moment I woke up. I’m talking myself through it and trying to stay in the moment. I feel motivated to sign up for as many dating sites as I can think of. I really don’t want to be alone and I need to take my life seriously. I hate saying “I wish” but sometimes I wish I was ten years younger. I would go back and change all the time I wasted with toxic ex.
    I feel different now. I used to feel so excited for my future. I don’t feel that way anymore. I want that feeling back.



  262.  #263teresa on September 8, 2014 at 5:06 am

    Linda,

    The answer to your question is yes and no. Yes because I was in that imaginery relationship that Rori speaks about and two no because I was leaning so forward, doing , giving. He did not need to step up to the plate. The plate was already in front of him. Linda it is the guilt of feeling i have failed with a man i cared so much about. ๐Ÿ™



  263.  #264teresa on September 8, 2014 at 5:09 am

    The hardest part is knowing he is back out there looking for someone else. Apparently i meant nothing which is hard to accept.



  264.  #265Emerson on September 8, 2014 at 5:10 am

    I feel that it may be necessary to wipe the slate clean and completely stop corresponding with men who are not going anywhere as far as relationship ……
    Perhaps it’s time to really say goodbye to recycledCD, CutecityCD and ExoticCD. I’m going to pretend they don’t exist.
    I’m deleting their numbers.
    I don’t want to go round and round in circles to nowhere.
    I need to open my energy to new people.



  265.  #266Violette on September 8, 2014 at 5:44 am

    Emerson that sounds healthy to me! Clearing the space can be so liberating.

    I’m feeling disturbed this morning. Last night was a lovely date with AD, he pulled out his phone to show me a friend of his, an old man with a white beard, who had a new girlfriend he was so happy about, who was 36. He shows me a picture his friend sent him of her in a bikini.

    I went over the edge. I don’t want to see pictures of your old man friend’s hot new girlfriend. I’m a woman, why would I think that’s awesome. Why don’t you show me a picture of your old man friend’s awesome girlfriend who is also a beautiful old woman?

    I’m only 12 years younger than him but he’s already told me that he likes that I look younger. I look 25. It makes me feel sick inside.

    He was really shocked by my reaction and didn’t know what to do or say.

    I had to let it go, but it turned me off and…I still feel bad about it this morning. I detest him a little.

    The truth is I don’t even know where these feelings are coming from, they are so strong.



  266.  #267Kim on September 8, 2014 at 5:58 am

    247 Azure..wow, much of what you write there resonates with me…I also go all soft on the inside when things with a man are moving along..and get more intimate.
    I like how you are turning this around and getting the focus back on you.



  267.  #268Violette on September 8, 2014 at 6:07 am

    How much of this is my fear of intimacy? I mean, is it really the worst thing in the world for a man to have douchey qualites to a degree? Would I pat my girlfriend on the back if she nabbed a millionaire? I mean, it would be petty, but I might have a moment of, good for you. Of course I wouldn’t tell my man about it, AD isn’t smooth like that I guess. Maybe he just needed to hear my reaction to learn that doesn’t work?

    I don’t know. I just feel like something in me has snapped, icky.

    Is this me having a moment of clarity about who he really is? Is falling in love with him actually a really bad idea? Because I am, falling in love with him. And he keeps telling me he is in love with me.

    And I know he likes that I look young, but he hasn’t pushed for sex. He wants it, but he’s not pressuring me. And he does treat me like a princess, he does seem to appreciate me as a person.

    It feels hard to believe that this is real. It’s certainly still new. But I haven’t felt this kind of trust and attraction for someone in 5 years, since my first love, who changed my life forever, in really difficult ways. And that can’t happen again. I can’t get hurt like that again.



  268.  #269Kim on September 8, 2014 at 6:13 am

    Well, I had a really nice time with MoM this weekend. We always have a nice time together, so that is not surprising.
    I was supposed to go boating with MrP but it was called off and MoM was very happy about that and stepped in, took me out for dinner and a movie.

    I do feel his energy and resources come towards me, he took me out for dinner 3 times in the last three days, and we talked a little again.

    He was rambling and ranting about the ex and that relationship and although it felt a bit yucky to hear, I let him talk…about the fact they had talked about marriage and kids but it ‘never happened’ (in 12 years), the fact that financially she was dependent on him completely and even when she got a great job, did not want to contribute anything to bills and rent…so I asked him ‘what did you get out of this?’.
    He said he didn’t know.

    Anyway, he then went on to say how he would help me if I needed anything but he is admiring that I am so independent and resourceful and strong…uhmmm…

    When he found out that I was going to go boating with another man, he looked perturbed but said nothing…and I joked and said I had a boating day with my other ‘non-boyfriend’….when he got a bit ratty and said ‘I don’t like that term’…

    Well, whatever. I don’t suppose I should spend so much time with him because although it always feels good, I do also always end up feeling a little off balance…and I also feel a little mean, letting him take me out all weekend and then saying to him that we are not in a relationship….then again, that is his choice. It’s not that I am deceiving anyone…still I feel like I am ‘misleading’ him.

    So I guess I just need a few more CD’s and not let him book up most of my free time because I am very cognizant of the fact that he does not want the same as me for the future and that is very important to me and it is somewhat of a waste of time…even if it is a great and feel-good waste of time lol



  269.  #270Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 6:32 am

    Emerson #264
    Brava!!! This sounds like a VERY good step to take!!
    You should stand up for YOU… and
    let go of all the old stuff that is holding YOU back from a wonderful life of
    YOU LOVING YOU



  270.  #271Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 6:48 am

    Violette… How long have you been dating AD?

    Do you all have things you like to do in common?
    What are the qualities you Do like about him so far?

    I think it’s great that you have been taking this slow with him… you seem to be in a Sireny place with the pace of your dating

    Spirit and I talk about how we think each other looks young… It is a very nice thing (especially at our age)
    :->
    He tells me often how beautiful and cute he thinks I am… so NICE to hear… soo much nicer than the last cd who never once said it…

    My daughters husband is 17 years older (they have been married for 12 years) and my sister is 12 years younger than her husband – they have been married for 25 years

    I feel it was sooo good you shared your anger about being shown a pic of the young girl in a bikini!!!
    How do they know what we don’t like if we don’t share this?

    I am working on expressing my pleasure AND displeasure… although the more intimate i Get with Spirit I tend to keep things inside…
    That is my old story…
    I want to continue to be authentic and vulnerable in a soft, warm inviting way!!!



  271.  #272Kath on September 8, 2014 at 6:54 am

    I’ve read through all your wonderful posts on here and have realised some of my own stuff too. He and I got together very quickly and were inseparable. I thought his strength and willingness to help and do stuff was wonderfully caring. Now I feel its smothering and controlling. I feel devalued and unable to have my own opinion. he rarely asks about my day or seems interested in me at all. Never tells me I look good, but does say if I have a nice top on- not quite the same thing to me. We’ve recently been arguing at the drop of a hat and now I’m bored of repeating myself and bored or not being heard. We have just had a lovely weekend with his grandkids though but this morning he was back to his grumpy self. I know he’s planning to go away this weekend which I am astounded about, seeing as I said if we didn’t sort this I’d be moving out at the end of the month and we were done. When he does admit that he’s going away this weekend, what the heck should I do?- How do I respond?-Do I just let him go and say nothing?- I really feel that we don’t need any more space to know how we feel. And I also think that he is using any excuse right now to not be with me. Help!!!



  272.  #273Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 6:57 am

    Kim #268
    Huggs lovely lady…
    I hope things are going along as you are planning your exit strategy?

    I tend to believe… when you are ready… You will let MoM go…
    Maybe becasue of ALLLL the changes you are having to go through now
    Maybe it would be good to keep seeing him…

    YOU could practice sharing with MoM, your to do lists
    sharing how you are navigating those on a day to day basis…
    practice leaning on him for some emotional support…
    What do you think?



  273.  #274Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 7:03 am

    ((Kath))
    I don’t remember if you mentioned how long you have known this man
    and how long you have been living together?
    What was your last argument about…

    Have you been using Rori’s tools to continue your journey to LOVING YOU…
    Strong on the inside soft on the outside?

    There are many wonderful coaches offering Free coaching right now… have you considered some help there?



  274.  #275teresa on September 8, 2014 at 7:08 am

    Linda,

    I think my needs were being met because i am so use to receiving nothing but crumbs i was just happy with that. This is truly an eye opener. UGH



  275.  #276Kath on September 8, 2014 at 7:11 am

    Thanks Azure Blu-We’ve been together over 3 yrs and live together. We’ve had a bit of a rocky road really because we’ve been getting to know each other properly and I perhaps justified his behaviour because he’d had such a bad time before he met me. Now I’m beginning to think that he was actually an active part in the bad time. I am in a place right now where I don’t know whether we will make it to old age. We can’t seem to have fun together anymore. I need to talk to him but I don’t know where to start-perhaps I should start exactly there. I believe in talking and sharing things, he just sticks his head in the sand and pretends it either isn’t happening or there’s nothing wrong. Nothing ever gets resolved, I feel blamed for everything.



  276.  #277Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 7:17 am

    Kath…
    Ohhhh… lovely siren…
    This feels to me like a truly difficult place to be in…

    I have been reading recently about there being different stages in relationships…
    maybe you and he have gotten stuck and it would be up to you to change YOU… which is all we can ever do to get unstuck…

    Have you been using Roriโ€™s tools to continue your journey to LOVING YOUโ€ฆ
    Strong on the inside soft on the outside?

    There are many wonderful coaches offering Free coaching right nowโ€ฆ have you considered some help there?

    I use them and they are tremendous help in quickly moving YOU forward into Your Sireny self LOVE…



  277.  #278Femininewoman on September 8, 2014 at 7:23 am

    Emerson I feel powerful when I delete numbers. I have done it several times. The only thing is the guy keeps coming back



  278.  #279Femininewoman on September 8, 2014 at 7:24 am

    Kath how about just dropping the arguing on your end? Is it possible?



  279.  #280Kim on September 8, 2014 at 7:26 am

    Azure Blu!, thank you for your comment.
    I find it really tough planning my exit strategy.
    Right now I am almost stuck on planning all the things I want to do before I exit….it is soooo hard!!
    I still have hope and that doesn’t help me at all!!lugh.

    With regards to MoM, he knows as much as I do…and he doesn’t say anything just looks sad…so I am nkt feeling inspired to share anything else with him. I get the ‘I don’t want to know’ vibe from him. He can ask if he wants to find out something…

    Instead of focusing on what I could share, I am kinda focusing on my stuff…or trying to. I have to say that I am feeling pretty ‘selfish’ right now. I just want to do stuff with guys if it feels good, as there are plenty of bad feeling things in my life.
    In some ways that sounds bad, in other ways not overthinking helps me not to get stuck on a man or men right now….which would make me feel even worse about leaving, unless there was someonw whom I felt in love with and he was planning a future together, and I do not have that on the horizon.
    MoM just made it pretty clear/unclear with his ‘talk, that in currnet form, he is not my potential forever man….and the other guys on the horizon, for various reasons aren’t either….more like activity partners/make friends.
    And that’s ok.
    I feel better at this stage, sharing with my gf’s who are ‘committed’ to me. Lol. I know it sounds weird but it is what it is.



  280.  #281Kim on September 8, 2014 at 7:28 am

    Meant to say ‘committed to helping me’ and not just stand around looking sad, which makes me feel worse.



  281.  #282Kath on September 8, 2014 at 7:32 am

    I am tired of the arguing, I really am, but I am also tired of us both not seeming to understand each other. I think that is the point though, I have changed since we met. I don’t want to do the things we did when we first met mainly because they revolved around drinking and pubs and I want so much more in my life. I think he feels less intelligent than me, he’s told me that he can’t keep up with me, meaning mentally. But I can’t keep up with the fast pace of living that he seems to need. He doesn’t rest or take a break and I just feel there is so much more to see and do and learn, I feel that I would be leaving him behind. Perhaps he’s waiting for me to say that.



  282.  #283Veronica on September 8, 2014 at 7:49 am

    Today was such a struggle
    Thinking about what happened with BM – I feel icky, unheard and misunderstood. I am so clear with myself where I am with regards to him.
    Yet, my fears because of what happened with BM – I feel completely helpless knowing that a man can leave at any time; I feel consoled that there are better-for-me men after a man can’t or won’t grow to relationship with me.

    And then noticing how twisted I was into ‘happened to me’ thinking – it was still about someone else, I feel disconnected from my own sirenness.
    I believe that’s what keeps me snagging on this – I need to turn this around into something that will expand me.

    I feel scared that a person could just walk away but I could walk away too.
    I don’t want to numb myself just because I know that that could happen.
    I am attracted to emotionally open/available men who want to be in a relationship with me.



  283.  #284Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 7:55 am

    Kim… YES… grl frnds who CAN give emotional support…
    That feels really good…!!



  284.  #285Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 8:06 am

    Veronica #282
    Are these feelings about BM coming up because of you growing closer to funny?

    Sooo good you are feeling them and looking closer at what happened with BM…
    How it is different with Funny
    How YOU are different

    I imagine both men and women start remembering the last failed relationships and
    Not knowing how to stop it from happening again…
    this would cause distancing… closing of our hearts…
    FEAR



  285.  #286Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 8:08 am

    Kath #281
    I have Great news for you…
    YOU have the power to Stop YOUR part in the arguing!!
    Yay!!!
    :->



  286.  #287Jamie on September 8, 2014 at 8:19 am

    So these websites/coaches will help us absolutely for free?? I am a single mom of 3 so money is ALWAYS a struggle for me and can’t afford Rori’s videos ๐Ÿ™ I could use all the help I can get bc I seem to keep pushing my bf (ex bf) away and I don’t mean to ๐Ÿ™



  287.  #288Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 8:27 am

    Jamie #286…
    Huggss lovely Siren… I can sympathize with your situation a little as I was a single mom of 2…

    YES… some of these coaches are offering 45-30 min. free counseling…
    Go down the list and look at each web site and see which ones are ready to offer free coaching and sign up…
    Good luck!



  288.  #289Jamie on September 8, 2014 at 8:33 am

    Here’s the scenario: I dated bf for 14 months. I started getting upset bc I felt like our relationship revolved around the bar and going 4 days a week was getting to be boring and that us seeing each other was contingent on seeing each other. The last few months he did start coming over for dinner 3 days a week and getting to know my 3 girls. But he still couldn’t give the bar up the rest of the week. I also grew upset bc he would never say “I love you” to me. I tried the “I feel” messages. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn’t. So bc I pushed too hard about the bar, we broke up. We still emailed and text so a month after we broke up he said he missed me and he wasn’t looking for anyone else. So we started working on things again. He promised he wouldn’t hide from me about being at the bar if I wouldn’t get mad at him about it but he did. Well it seemed nothing was going to change so I backed off again and resulted in another break up. This time he really isn’t speaking to me bc I told him last time we had broken up that he couldn’t let me go for a reason and he needed to figure out why that was. From what I am hearing, he isn’t himself anymore. I know when he is there without me, he’s not cheating on me. He is a very introverted person and I know the bartender’s (we are friends) very well and they’ve been honest with me. I know my insecurities have been the cause but I really don’t know how to go about this anymore. I am tired of crying over it and want to get that commitment out of him that I know we can have! *Lost and confused*



  289.  #290Jamie on September 8, 2014 at 8:34 am

    Thank you Azure Blu!!



  290.  #291Kim on September 8, 2014 at 8:40 am

    Azure I feel curious?
    Do you have any more dates lined up with Spirit?
    I can’t wait to hear more!
    I had to lol at the panty story, and recall something similar happened to me once and returning from the house of my then new boyfriend, I slipped on granite stairs and my purse fell out of my hand, and all contents emptied onto the high street full of pedestrians, including..tadaaaaaa…a pair of panties! LOL
    Never recovered as fast from a fall and scrambled to collect all her belongings….for sure, I would have made it to the Guinness Book of Records LOL.
    Will never forget that.
    We laughed about it for a long time ๐Ÿ™‚



  291.  #292Femininewoman on September 8, 2014 at 8:41 am

    Kath so just drop the arguing. That would be changing a pattern. Find places where you could just say “okay” or “you’re right”. Just agee with him. When you totally give up internally on the relationship many times you can do this as there is nothing to fight for.



  292.  #293Kim on September 8, 2014 at 8:43 am

    So MoM has already asked to see me again tomorrow…I am beginning to wonder…should I clarify to him that I am not considering us in a relationship? As when he talked about everything, I never mentioned it again.
    Though as I am typing this, I am feeling silly for that, actually.
    No. No need to clarify is a man doesn’t ask for a commitment.
    Ok, that’s that settled.
    I am just always sensitive to deceit and witholding information, but he knows I am dating others, as I told him openly that I was going on a boat trip with MrP!
    No overthinking!



  293.  #294Jamie on September 8, 2014 at 8:57 am

    ok. I think I have some clarity on what I need to do lol circular dating BUT we just broke up again a week ago so is it too soon to do that? I have a feeling it will kick his butt in gear and a mutual friend had also told me that if sees me with someone else, then he will realize that he really does love me



  294.  #295lovetodance on September 8, 2014 at 9:14 am

    Jamie 293

    dear siren….
    i am wondering if that is the issue…him realizing that he really does love you….?

    maybe the bigger picture is …are you getting what you need from him?
    is he able to love another fully now?… is his drinking an issue that supports or hinders that possibility?
    and most importantly….
    are you loving you like you deserve?

    these are all big questions that i certainly have run across in my life…

    and i agree with azure blu about taking advantage of the free coaching…all of it…its so important to keep hearing these ideas, tools, questions …to keep us deepening into our own selves….

    good luck lovely….



  295.  #296Veronica on September 8, 2014 at 9:16 am

    Azure โ€“ 284 โ€“ I think Iโ€™m getting closer to Funny in a way thatโ€™s almost imperceptible โ€“ the usual markers for closeness have been reached i.e. number of dates, physical and emotional intimacy, sharing of desires regarding our needs in a relationship.

    I hadnโ€™t thought about how I am different now โ€“ I am different I believe. I donโ€™t feel needy, I feel very affected, fragile, vulnerable โ€“ thatโ€™s a HUGE difference. I donโ€™t feel panic, dread or mental and emotional anguish when I share how I feel. The act of sharing isnโ€™t painful to me.

    I feel so understood โ€“ this feels like the most comforting hug. Thank you Azure!! Iโ€™ve shared with Funny how vulnerable Iโ€™m feeling โ€“ it takes too much work to open a closed heart and I canโ€™t do that โ€“ itโ€™s a death of some kind to close myself. Funny was understanding, supportive, affectionate, receptive. I do realize how vast the difference is and am so appreciative of this relationship. BM was not a horrible person, but us in the context we were in was horrible.
    xxxx



  296.  #297Frannie on September 8, 2014 at 9:25 am

    Hi ladies!! A question…I have been texting / talking to a guy I met online. We have not met in person yet. We’ve chatted several times, and he texted me this morning to tell me to have a nice day, etc. he also said “text me whenever you get a chance xo”. I know in the “lean back” I’m not supposed to text first, but wasn’t sure in this case, since he specifically said I should. Thoughts?
    Thanks!



  297.  #298Violette on September 8, 2014 at 9:37 am

    Azure thank you for responding to my post. It feels good to be heard, especially when I am not expressing myself well and my feelings seem to be a bit all over the place.

    I have been seeing AD for a month now, twice a week, on my request. He says he wants to see more of me.

    Thank you for asking me some of the things we have in common and that I like about him. Well, we are both in creative fields, which is more rare than I would have guessed in my new city, we both love good food and are…food oriented, I get a sense that we both like really nice people because we’ve both lost friends we thought we were close to. We both love the theater, the opera. I like so many things about him, mostly the way he treats me. This morning I got a text that I am beautiful and he can’t wait to see me again and loves my kisses. I know what you mean about it being so nice to hear after being with men who don’t say it. He always says I look beautiful, right at the beginning of the date. He shows up on time, plans dates in advance. He has already said he wants to spend our lives together and get to know each other for a long time. Also I have met some of his friends and they really are nice. I’ve met men who went on about their awesome friends and they weren’t awesome to me at all. These people showed genuine interest in me, but not in a kiss butt way, they are not all connected at the hip, they are just nice people, I believe I can tell that by now in my life.

    He has already made a couple of calls on my behalf in my career. He said he would and then he actually did it.

    Thank you Azure for supporting my choice to tell him my negative feedback. The truth is I didn’t want to but he could tell I wasn’t good and insisted on talking about it. I feel very messy about how I expressed it, but…maybe it really just is as simple as him having an inelegant moment, and me making it clear where I came from, and maybe that’s enough. I heard him, he heard me, and we move on.

    I’m also beginning to entertain the idea of following him down this road he’s inviting me on, of really being with him. The idea of visualizing our lives together, I really want to stay sane, because I know I have so much to learn.

    Really, thank you again for your comment Azure. It was kind and supportive and made my day.



  298.  #299Violette on September 8, 2014 at 9:46 am

    Frannie that is a trickie one but in my experience is a trap. I usually use it as an opportunity to text back that I love getting his texts and I’m old fashioned and prefer to let a man lead the communications in the beginning because it feels romantic for me, and I so look forward to being in touch soon…something along those lines.

    At least for me I end up feeling kind of dumb if I initiate a text with a guy in the early stages, because I start to feel worried if he’ll reply, it puts me in “chasing” mode, and it feels bad. I am pretty sensitive to that kind of dynamic.



  299.  #300Kath on September 8, 2014 at 10:01 am

    OK I am leaning back and I have given up arguing. I do love him but I am not sure whether we have a future together because he seems to be stuck in his ways. He sees no reason why he should consider doing anything different or going anywhere different than he has done for the last ten or more years. It feels like he has given up wanting to explore and I am hungry to explore more. We had talked about buying a house together but as I have seen no evidence of him actively saving for one, I am putting that on the back burner and focussing on me from now on.



  300.  #301Jamie on September 8, 2014 at 10:07 am

    Love to dance….that’s the tricky question of is he giving me what I need. He was trying to. But I pushed too hard, like always. BUT, I do know that he possibly has some emotional baggage he needs to work through from his past. I can only assume what it is and I wish I could help him, but I can’t. He does not express himself verbally on an emotional level but there are small things he would do that I knew “he cared.” I’m not really sure if it’s the drinking that is a problem but more of that he is SO introverted that he feels the need of having people around him even though he stays to himself, playing on his iPod and texting me the whole time. It was just my feelings were, if you have time to be there, then you have time to be with me and my girls. Even though he won’t admit it, he craves interaction with people. I am the same way. I’m just not as introverted as he is lol We’ve both had bad marriages and relationships but I think sometimes he feels not good enough for me and the girls bc of what happened in the past. He blames things now on his “mid-life crisis” of not knowing what his future holds for his career (he’s 48), life, age, etc.

    At this point, I’m not getting what I need from him and that’s why I haven’t tried to work things out any longer. As far as myself, I’m working on loving me ๐Ÿ™‚ I haven’t been since I feel like i was feeling “needy” but I know this past weekend, I have gotten a few phone numbers but I’m not sure they really spark my interest. So my feminie energy is partially there, just not completely? It is really hard to me to go out bc I don’t have the money too. I just enrolled in school to better myself and to be able to have a better life for me and my kids. There are things I need to change in my life, including where I live, but I can’t at the present time.



  301.  #302Labbit on September 8, 2014 at 10:21 am

    Azure Blu 248 — Aww, I think this all sounds wonderful! If you feel comfortable enough I’m sure Spirit would be flattered if you said something like “I felt such a rush being so close to you. I felt so open and free and yummy! I feel a little shy with you right now.”

    I feel inspired by how open you are right now and how you’re reaching new levels of intimacy. Keep on, Siren!



  302.  #303Frannie on September 8, 2014 at 10:25 am

    Violette – thank you for your response. I see your point of view, but am still feeling unsure what to do. He texted first this morning, to which I responded. Then he texted again, specifically telling me to text him during the day when I had a chance. Isn’t that the same thing Rori talks about when I guy leaves a message and asks you to call back? I’m absolutely leaning back…I wanted to text him yesterday to see how his mom is doing (she is in the hospital), but I did not. I leaned back and waited to see what would happen.

    I’m thinking that because he specifically asked me to text him that it might be ok this one time, also mentioning in my text about how Imfeel old fashioned and it feels more romantic for the man to initiate contact.

    Thoughts in this?
    Thanks!



  303.  #304Femininewoman on September 8, 2014 at 10:30 am

    Also Kath your comments are so focussed on what he is doing and what he is doing wrong. It seems to me like your focus should be on yourself and living the life you want. He might be feeling pressure. Stopping the fighting and sinking into the sadness or whatever comes up might create some space for the change.



  304.  #305Femininewoman on September 8, 2014 at 10:36 am

    Frannie he asked you to so I think it is okay. What exactly did he say?



  305.  #306Labbit on September 8, 2014 at 10:38 am

    Jamie — First, kudos to you for shifting your focus to loving you!! This is such a great place to be and as your love for yourself grows it will make everything in your life easier.

    Only you can know if it’s too early to go on a date. Just so you know, Circular Dating doesn’t necessarily mean going out on actual dates…it could be things like taking classes you enjoy, taking yourself out on a date (i.e. walking in the park, going to the bookstore and browsing the books/magazines, making yourself a fantastic dinner at home with wine and candles and the whole nine yards, etc.). If you’ve broken up with this man and feel date-ready though, then why not see how it feels to be out with a man? What you don’t want to do is go on a date as a game, meaning that if you go on a date simply to get your ex’s attention, you might be setting yourself up for pain.

    For your ex, you need to decide about the bar. If you want to be with him you’re going to have to tolerate him going to the bar. So long as he’s not abusing alcohol or harming you in any way it’s just something he does and your attention on it will only cause him to be more steadfast in his desire to go. This doesn’t mean it’s your FAULT, it’s an energy exchange. If you can focus on all the things YOU DO like in him and praise those things, it will encourage him to do them more.

    So you could say something like, “Honey, it makes me feel so happy when you’re here for dinner and spend time with the girls. I feel so warm and good and well-taken care of.” Keep praising all the good that he does and the things you don’t like as much will fall away.

    It sounds like you both need to build a sense of safety. First, as you keep loving yourself more and more you’ll feel safe with YOU. Then, you’ll feel strong inside and can build a safe place for him. The safer he feels with you the more and more he’ll come to you. He’ll see you as his haven, his safe spot away from the tough world that stirs up all these emotions in him.

    For now though, the more energy you send out towards him the worse it might make him feel. It will feel like pressure to him. Concentrate on YOU. Loving you, finding ways you can treat yourself extra well — I saw that you are new to school which is so great, congrats!! and if money is tight there are still ways to be around people i.e. study groups or going to parks or free outdoor concerts or whatever things you CAN find time for, baby steps.

    If you decide to go out on dates with men, just focus on how you feel around those men. Speak as much as you can in feeling messages and concentrate on how you feel in your shoulders, your back, your belly. Let the man take care of everything on the date and focus on being happy, cared for and a student of you. I feel so excited for you!!!



  306.  #307Femininewoman on September 8, 2014 at 10:39 am

    Frannie I was reading backwards. He is not someone you have met. He is a stranger so first I would not assume anything. He has your number and also you don’t want a penpal, do you?

    I would text when he asks a question. That kind of comment seems to be designed to put you in chasing mode.



  307.  #308Labbit on September 8, 2014 at 10:42 am

    Frannie I agree with FeminineWoman that you’re fine to text back in this case. I do also like what Violette said a lot. If this becomes a pattern that makes you feel uncomfortable you can share feeling messages about it.

    Go about your day and take care of you first. When you feel calm and peaceful and have done everything you need to do to take care of you, text him back. ๐Ÿ™‚



  308.  #309Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 10:44 am

    Jamie #301…
    Darling Siren… Huggs to you!
    You are doing Sooo many good things for YOU and your children!!!

    I can see you are asking some good questions…

    I have found, sometimes when I grow, the other person isn’t ready or can’t at the time…

    Cding is a good idea (sounds like you are taking baby steps in that direction)

    48 yrs. is Mid life crisis time… and I’m sure he’s wondering if he can actually take on 3 children and you… Men take these issues VERY much to heart!!!

    IMHO… Respectfully give him his space…

    Move on with your life, staying on YOUR horse and moving forward…Who knows, as you get more clear about who you are as a Whole woman…
    He may be able to join you on your journey!!!
    Or NOT…
    either way you will be learning to LOVE YOU More and More!!
    What better example to set for your precious Children!!!



  309.  #310Indigo on September 8, 2014 at 10:51 am

    Woah woah woah, Kath

    All your comments seem to be saying is “he is this” and “he is that” and “he seems to be”. This is way, WAY too much focus on him.

    A lot of it comes down to, are you prepared to accept him? Without being in his business or in his head all the time? When we focus to that extent on someone else we are missing (or actually distracting ourselves from) what is going on inside us.

    Have you tried completely taking your focus off him, just not even worrying about him at all for a bit, and spending some time with you, trying to untangle what the voices in your head are saying, what you feel, how your body feels, what your life looks like, and how you can start to meet some of those needs and desires for yourself?

    You see I’ve learnt that it’s only once we focus on ourselves with that loving, devoted focus, that our relationship starts to come into focus properly. I can assure you these things you are seeing in him are telling you something about you.



  310.  #311Violette on September 8, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Kim I like what you said in about not overthinking it…I’m applying it to my feelings about AD.



  311.  #312Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 10:53 am

    Veronica #257
    Ohhhh… lovely lady… I feel sooo good knowing
    what I wrote spoke to your heart!!!
    oxoxo



  312.  #313Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 11:00 am

    Indigo #310
    Love this!!!
    “Focus on ME with that same loving devoted attention that I am spending on HIM, then our relationship starts to come into focus properly.”



  313.  #314Femininewoman on September 8, 2014 at 11:02 am

    Helena thank for you this reminder

    “What Are Boundaries And How Do I Get Some?

    Our boundaries are rules and guidelines we make up for ourselves. These boundaries are what allow us to let our walls down and stay open all the time. Boundaries help us trust ourselves so we don’t ever have to rely on trusting a man (or anyone else). Boundaries help us feel so strong and safe on the inside – we can stay soft, warm and open on the outside.

    Boundaries 101 – Begin Asking Yourself Some Important Questions.
    โ€ขHow do you feel about exclusivity? Do you mind being a girlfriend? How do you know if being a girlfriend is leading you towards marriage or your lifelong commitment? How will you know?
    โ€ขDo you accept last minute dates? Do you call him when he hasn’t called you?
    โ€ขHow long will you stay in a relationship that isn’t what you want?
    โ€ขAre you a woman who’s so dedicated to her own happiness and well-being that you wouldn’t tolerate being treated badly? Or stay around in a situation that feels less than what you want?
    โ€ขAre you so committed to having the love you’ve always dreamed of that you just wouldn’t be with a man who wasn’t 100% committed to you?

    Now’s the perfect time to think about how you feel about these things and come up with your own personal boundaries.”



  314.  #315Daria on September 8, 2014 at 11:03 am

    feeling so hot and filled up with rarrrrrgh i loue you liver and soon we will be so much easier thank you thank you thank you



  315.  #316Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 11:04 am

    Ohhhh… Labbitt #302
    Thank you and Huggss…
    I will try and say those feeling messages… he would love to know how shy I am feeling…
    Thank you
    Kisses



  316.  #317Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 11:07 am

    FW #314
    Lovely thank you for sharing!!!



  317.  #318Indigo on September 8, 2014 at 11:07 am

    Jamie,

    As you were describing how your man likes to go to bars just so he can be around people, but he actually just sits by himself and plays on his phone, I smiled. Because I am that introverted. And whilst I wouldn’t do exactly the same thing, that is the kind of thing I would do. And I think people who are like that seem to do with people whom they make sense to, people who “get” them. It doesn’t seem to do anyone any good to try and fit a square peg into a round hole, and so if his strange ways are getting to you and making you feel unsettled, it probably is best to find someone whose needs are more closely aligned with yours.

    Labbit is absolutely right – Circular Dating can take many forms and doesn’t have to be about love and romance… unless it is about romancing yourself, which is the most fun part of all of this. Labbit is also right about not doing it with an agenda of getting your ex back… do it for you, and you will get A LOT out of it.



  318.  #319Jamie on September 8, 2014 at 11:22 am

    Labbitt and Azure Blue….thanks for the encouraging words! I know it’s going to take some time but I am going to try really hard to love me again, fully!

    It’s funny that when guys know your single, they come flocking but it’s usually ones that I wouldn’t date at all or ones that just want the “benefits” and am trying to respect myself enough to stay away from them. I will flirt but am very careful about it!

    Your support is very much appreciated!! Right now th ex and I aren’t really speaking but I did write him a letter and told him that he is richer than he thinks in his life and told him many “joyous” moments that we did have together either between us or him and my girls. But am trying to leave him alone. It’s not easy bc my “overdoing” kicks in but it’s getting a little easier day by day ๐Ÿ™‚



  319.  #320Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 11:30 am

    Kim #291
    LOL that is a funny panty story!!!
    I can just picture YOU scrambling… I know I would be!!!
    :->

    No dates lined up… He usually starts lining up seeing me by tomorrow…
    I liked what Labbitt suggested about sharing how
    shy I feel after our lovely evening in the car on Friday…
    It feels like all the texting I did Sat. & Sun. was in my Head… NOT my heart…

    I want to continue being authentic and vulnerable…
    I wonder why it is feeling particularly difficult???
    must be the NEXT level of closeness…
    I feel OVERWHELMed with emotions…
    I’m thinking my last 2 relationships are coming into my subconscious and trying to protect ME…
    Protect me from EVER feeling soooo sad and hurt
    again…
    REally now that I dive deep and look at
    my relationship with BK (2yer, last yr. cding)
    Our first year was great!! When I realized I was
    wanting a committed, forever relationship and shared that with him he was honest and said he wasn’t ready, I then found Rori and began cding and seeing him… Even though I was trying to control HIM into being Exclusive with ME (I was also practicing MY FM, leaning back and seeing if I could get what I needed from HIM.) When I realized I couldn’t I moved on…
    Sooo NOT as bad as I think it was…

    I did REALLY good… I started LOVING ME!!!

    So far… Rob IS closer (than ANY man I’ve been with yet) to a man I would like to be with forever!!!

    Siren’s THAT IS PROGRESS!!!



  320.  #321Jamie on September 8, 2014 at 11:46 am

    Indigo-
    I would usually meet him there or we always ended up there on the weekends. But at some point he quit asking me during the week which I did tell him how I feel about what happened with that.

    I still think I “overfunctioned” at some point bc we one day we were discussing how he was willing to take the girls out too and doing stuff together and we agreed as long as he wouldn’t hide from me about being at the bar, I wouldn’t get upset. The next day was a complete 180 bc I found out he hid it from me, again, and told him I was pulling back bc of this. I did all the feeling msgs to tell him how I felt about him being there and not being honest with me. So he goes and gives me the same excuse of “mid-life crisis” stuff lol

    Like it was said in here earlier, going to the bar all the time is getting old and there’s so much more out there to do! always dinner but end up at the bar, even if for an hour. He was always very attentive when we were though by keeping his had on my leg or rubbing my leg or arm if he was talking to someone and an occasional peck but it wasn’t enough for me anymore. I have my girls to think about in the bigger picture as well.



  321.  #322Kim on September 8, 2014 at 11:57 am

    320 Azure…that is huge progress…he may be the forever man and he may not but I think you are handling this beautifully because you are AWARE.
    And you are loving yourself and are your priority.
    I do believe the intimacy fears that come up when things get more serious are to be expected and are actually growing pains.
    My best friend, a psychologist, said when she met the love of her life and father of her kids, in the beginning they spent months agonizing, negotiating the relationship and her feeling scared as she was fresh out of a 12 year relationship with an unavailable man.
    She would support me in saying a new relationships opens old wounds and can heal them, but that doesn’t mean it always feels like roses and pink fluffy things in the beginning.

    I love it when she said to me that she actually dislikes the beginnings of a new relationship and all this uncertainty and negotiating and worrying ‘is my heart safe with this man?’.

    All we can do is trust ourselves and stay open and nagivate the stuff that comes up.

    And..haha…I am really bad at all of this…LOL.
    So in comparison I see you are doing incredibly well….loving yourself and recognizing: I have the choice.



  322.  #323Sophie on September 8, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    Thank you for all your comments generous Sirens. I feel embarrassed and probably a bit ashamed that I’ve been spamming the blog with this B stuff for at least 9 months.

    I’ve been going back and forth in my mind about what you’ve said Indigo and FW and Linda about needing to enforce that boundary as I can see quite clearly the wisdom in the words. But whether I’ll actually do it…today is peaceful again, he’s making himself invisible, I then don’t want to stir up a hornets nest cos I have no energy for it.

    And about whether that’s where my work is. Yes – I would probably retrieve a small amount of self confidence in myself if I were able to ensure he leaves on my terms rather than his but I’m still not sure it’s worth it. He has completely run rings around me – I put my hands up. I feel good when I’m focusing and planning my trip. I feel bad when my energy is going towards trying to enforce anything with him.

    The main bulk of my work has to be in not letting these men close to me:

    bf no 1 (me – no boundaries – I tried to leave him he talked me out of it – he then left me for his ex)
    Bf 2 (me – boundaries – called the police on him twice as he used to let himself into my flat, police eventually enforced that he leave me alone)
    Bf 3 (nice)
    Bf 4 (jealous, possessive, violent – me – no boundaries it was in another country -I left him and came home – ran away)
    Bf 5 – (left dealer size amounts of drugs in a bag in my house and threatened me in nasty ways – he was locked out of my house and then no contact)
    Bf 6 – B

    My father talked to me appallingly for years until I told him that I would have no contact with him unless he changed. I meant it and he knew it and I enforced it when I needed too and he changed.

    I can do boundaries to some degree. It’s this pattern of letting abusive men in that I really need to work on. That’s why I say I hope I never do it again. I hope I have really really learnt something from this situation about my self worth. and about how I want to value myself. I hope I have. I feel that I may have shifted. What is it RR says about wanting to punish yourself? Well, maybe I’ve punished myself enough now…just maybe…this situation with B was enough. I have to be VERY VERY VERY careful and that is awareness that I didn’t feel so acutely before.



  323.  #324Sophie on September 8, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    I think this was the first time that for whatever reason I just couldn’t ‘get out’ and that may very well be the lesson I really needed to learn in order to not do it to myself again.



  324.  #325Sophie on September 8, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    314 – thanks for sharing that FW (and Helena for writing it). I need it tattooed on my hand ๐Ÿ™‚



  325.  #326Corin on September 8, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    Hi Sirens! I’m wondering if you have some advice/ insight on a situation I’m in.

    I’m CDing away and having fun and the only guy at the moment who is really showing me how I want to be treated and taking up all my time is a lovely guy BUT he is really rather overweight. Now I really enjoy his company and like him a lot but I feel a lot of nervousness around getting physical. Even cuddles etc scare me because of his weight. I’m feeling worried I won’t like it or that there’s body parts I should avoid touching in case it makes him self conscious and I guess I just generally feel like this is new territories that I know nothing about. I also fear if I become intimate with him physically and his weight turns me off, how do I tell him. I haven’t shared any of my fears with him and maybe I should in feeling messages? Or would that be really unkind? I’m also kind of worried that if we ever committed he might get even fatter after we got married to the point where I was revulsed by him. But I do really like him and he makes me feel really good in his company.

    I would really appreciate any perspectives from sirens as I know you are openinded and wise! Xx



  326.  #327lovetodance on September 8, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    Azure Blu…

    I hear the Siren Call in you…

    Again I must say what beautiful healing and work you are doing inside…

    To stay with All your feelings as you walk this walk…

    Being intimate with another…being physically intimate with another … can bring up everything…

    our primal selves, our baby selves, our conditioned by society selves….oh my gosh….soooo big really….

    so i applaud you and the way you are moving with this…

    what a gift you are giving yourself….staying aware of your feelings deeply!

    and with a super full moon in pisces! oye!

    …..everything takes on a deeper, filled with the ocean depths of feeling, being rocked by the watery waves and currents….

    keep breathing deeply and loving yourself in the lovely way you are!



  327.  #328Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 1:00 pm

    Kim #322
    Ahhhh… darling girl… thank you for this insight…
    It isn’t always pink, sparkly softness!!! LOL!!

    And it is helping me heal old wounds…
    Nice… BUT scary…
    Thank you for your Vote of confidence…
    I AM LOVING ME!! ;~}



  328.  #329Frannie on September 8, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    Femininewoman, labbit:
    In response to comments 305, 307, 308, here is our exact text exchange from this morning…

    Him: Goodmorning pretty lady! Just wanted to say hi, I woke up thinking about u today. I hope your day is a great one. Text me later. I’ll be in work until 9ish. Ttys xoxo

    Me: Good morning!! It feels really good waking up to a text from you :). I hope you have a good day too, and your mom is feeling better.

    Him: I’m glad that I was the reason that you woke up smiling ๐Ÿ™‚ and thank u…she got out of ICU yesterday. So doing better ๐Ÿ™‚

    Me: That’s great news!! Hopefully she will be able to come home soon.

    Him: that’s what I’m thinking. Well on my way in now. Text me whenever u get a chance. Xo

    So this is where my question comes in… Is it ok for me to text him now that I’m home from work, just to say hi, since he specifically said to “text him later”. We have not met in person, but have had a few conversations on the phone. One even lasting longer then 2 hours. We are supposed to have our first date on Saturday night.

    Let me know what you all think. Thanks sirens!!!



  329.  #330Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    (((lovetodance))))…
    Ohhhh… sh*t!!!
    No wonder I am yearning to Drive to Lake Michigan tomorrow… it came on Soooo strong today!!

    Wow… thank you for that insight.. Yes,,, I am VERY sensitive to the pull of the moon!!!
    Ahhhh… the lovely way you wrote about
    MY healing work… staying with MY feelings
    giving myself a GIFT
    sooo warm, poetic and comforting…

    “Being intimate with anotherโ€ฆbeing physically intimate with another โ€ฆ can bring up everythingโ€ฆ
    our primal selves, our baby selves, our conditioned by society selvesโ€ฆ.oh my goshโ€ฆ.soooo big really”



  330.  #331Sophie on September 8, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    Hi Frannie, it seems that he has lots of energy coming towards you so if it was me and I wanted to text I would probably text. It only feels bad to me to text if 1) that energy isn’t coming forward so I’m ‘leading’ or trying to get something or instigate something or 2) I feel anxious about the outcome – whether he may or may not text back. If a dynamic started to happen where the energy coming from him was more casual like after a date ‘call me’ then I wouldn’t. That would be leaning forward regardless of his ‘instruction’.



  331.  #332Sophie on September 8, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    327 – 328 – Truly beautiful words love to dance and sooo true. I wanted to say all the things the sirens have been saying to you Azure Blu but they’re all saying it so beautifully ๐Ÿ™‚



  332.  #333Sophie on September 8, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    Hi Corin – I hope some Sirens have some wise words for you. I know that this has been discussed before – it’d be great to find those threads…I’m sure Andrea had a situation where she used scripts to tell a man about something that she felt icky about with his personal appearance. I’m thinking nose hair ๐Ÿ™‚ If you can find that! (In my memory, which may be wrong, she found a way to tell him and spoke her feelings). Hopefully they’ll be more advice for you. I’d like to know.It’s a tricky one but important. He makes you feel good which is wonderful!



  333.  #334Kyla on September 8, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    Jumping in with quick update!

    We have set a date to be married next August, Ninja has ordered me a custom ring and we are having an official engagement party next month when our parents visit. We’ve booked the wedding venue and have started to research the rest of the vendors.

    Ninja has booked us for couples salsa lessons, we started last Friday and I’ve never done proper partnered dancing before, it was amazing fun keeping eye contact and following his lead with the new steps we were trying to master.

    I adore my new job. Been here a week now and I am so happy with the atmosphere, the staff, the culture and systems in place. The last 3 jobs I’ve had had been so painful and stressful to me working in negetivity and under oppressive superiors. I feel really at home here already.

    My kids are settling in and making friends and joining activities and we are spending lots of family time together during the week and on the weekend. Another blessing of my job and ninja’s work place being so close to home.

    All is not rosy and perfect by any means. We have had some explosive arguments, hurt each other, brought each other to tears, stayed up all night discussing point by point trying to understand each other.. he is not good at expressing himself without what feels to me like attack and I am only able to go so many rounds before I lose my cool but these painful arguments have revealed so many layers of old stuff for both of us and has pushed my healing to a new level and brought us closer so I feel grateful for every learning opportunity and try to go one extra round when we hit the next hurdle.

    Life has become much more interesting.



  334.  #335Corin on September 8, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    Aww thanks Sophie! I will have a hunt for something like this being mentioned. I guess I feel wary telling
    Him because I know he feels fat and would like to lose weight so it’s not like something that he could just easily go and change.



  335.  #336Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    Sophie #332
    Huggs darling one… thank you!!!
    I feel your encouragement and warm thoughts



  336.  #337Azure Blu on September 8, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    Kyla #334
    Congratulations AGAIN!!! :-))

    This all sounds very good… interesting about the growing pains of your relationship…
    I have forgotten… How long have you and Ninja known each other?



  337.  #338Violette on September 8, 2014 at 2:43 pm

    Kyla congratulations on your wedding date!



  338.  #339Helena Hart on September 8, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    Femininewoman – 314 – Thanks for sharing that! That’s actually one of Leigha’s newsletters, people get us confused with each other all the time, I take it as a big compliment! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Love, Helena



  339.  #340Kyla on September 8, 2014 at 3:23 pm

    Almost 6 months now Azure ๐Ÿ™‚ Month 4 was full of arguments although we were also in the middle of a move and cross country road trip with 5 kids lol so it was to be expected. Now its every now and then and always resolved. All our deeply buried and well hidden insecurities are being flushed out into the light with the deeping of our connection.. its very scary and wonderful stuff..scarier for him as I have been practicing for so long. I have had so many breakthroughs! I feel so proud of all the work I’ve been doing on me and there are just so many more tools I can practice, defences I can disable and feelings I can unravel in me so its important to me to keep going.



  340.  #341Leigha on September 8, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    Thank you Helena! I take it as a big compliment as well!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thank you Feminine Woman for sharing it!

    Kyla – Congrats on your big news!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Tatia – #93 – I feel super honored to be a part of your journey!

    Love, Leigha



  341.  #342Frannie on September 8, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    Thank you Sophie (comment 331) and everyone else. I did text him earlier and he responded right away. ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚



  342.  #343Femininewoman on September 8, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    Helena ๐Ÿ™‚

    I looked at her face in the email I don’t know why I typed your name. I guess I have some type of name dyslexia.



  343.  #344Femininewoman on September 8, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    Kyla ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

    Congrats ๐Ÿ™‚



  344.  #345Femininewoman on September 8, 2014 at 5:20 pm

    Frannie lean back now until you meet. You don’t want to start something in cyberspace and then get disappointed when you meet. Nothing is real yet.



  345.  #346prplpsn28 on September 8, 2014 at 5:38 pm

    H deleted me on fb. I’m really hurt and extremely upset.



  346.  #347teresa on September 8, 2014 at 5:49 pm

    ((((((((prpplsn28))))))))

    Huggs to you…



  347.  #348prplpsn28 on September 8, 2014 at 5:49 pm

    He basically lied to my face. What a jerk. I so want to contact him and tell him off.



  348.  #349teresa on September 8, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    Sirens,

    Today seems to be a much better day. I think I am starting to understand leaning back and using your words. The hardest part out of all of this is remembering to do it. It is like a whole new language. Expressing how you feel with words you probably never used before. I feel a little shy when I am trying to express how I feel. I started at work with several coworkers.

    Could anyone share their experiences with me when they first got started and how they felt?



  349.  #350teresa on September 8, 2014 at 5:59 pm

    prplpsn28

    Lookingwisely deleted his sister and I from FB yesterday. I felt sad for her. He has so much going on inside him. I have come to understand I CANNOT fix him.



  350.  #351Liquid Light on September 8, 2014 at 6:58 pm

    Well here’s a little update on my date last night w lhm. He invited me to a nice restaurant with a great! ๐Ÿ™‚ as I mentioned he’s very recently separated which I have concerns about. Amazingly he sounds like he’s truly over his wife and stated that because of the betrayal (she cheated) he would never go back to her. So that was nice to hear. Then at some point he suggested that we both go on hold with our accounts (we met through a dating service) I was a bit surprised to say the least and sort of didn’t really respond. And it didn’t come up again. Other than that the date went really well. It did make me uncomfortable that he suggested that as it seems like way too much too soon. Also his first wife cheated on him too!!!



  351.  #352Frannie on September 8, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    FW: I did lean back after that text this afternoon. He called me on his way home from work and we chatted for about 20 minutes. He told me he’s going online tonight to start planning our date for Saturday night. I told him I felt excited for our date. We said our good nights, and I feel happy



  352.  #353Femininewoman on September 8, 2014 at 7:52 pm

    Though I felt weird about seeking out help I had my first session with Tatia Dee tonight. Only today I realized that part of my life’s story has been “I don’t feel supported”. My day is now ending with me feeling grateful that life supports me.

    Thank you Tatia for your help. I love your energy and the wisdom you shared with me. You are truly awesome.



  353.  #354Olivia on September 8, 2014 at 8:59 pm

    @beloved 203: I heard that moth story too! It was great….so funny and warm and so “boy” – the comedian’s guy perspective on a good woman and rising himself to the occasion for her. Sure there were some bumps along the way but they made it! Seemed like their shared sense of humor and sexual chemistry helped too (six kids together!)



  354.  #355Kyla on September 8, 2014 at 9:24 pm

    Liquid Light its not too soon at all for him to ask or want to have you all to himself.. but too soon to give it to him ๐Ÿ˜‰ better start scripting and practicing your no-girlfriend speech!



  355.  #356Kyla on September 8, 2014 at 9:27 pm

    (((Femininewoman))) thank you for sharing that. So glad you feel supported ๐Ÿ™‚



  356.  #357Veronica on September 8, 2014 at 9:55 pm

    Azure Blu โ€“ 312 – xoxox



  357.  #358Veronica on September 8, 2014 at 10:19 pm

    Sunday was spent with Funny. He scheduled texts to reach me in the morning – wa so full of desire, I had to slow down and breathe. I called him because I felt so adored. I then decided to wear my red dress – it’s exquisite in that I feel so gorgeous, having tailored it myself so carefully that it sits on my body just right. The sensations I feel, the way the red plays off my skin tone, the slit that makes it not-quite-a-plain-summer-dress – oh just gorgeous. And he noticed and noticed and noticed : )

    a d o r a t i o n



  358.  #359Indigo on September 8, 2014 at 11:30 pm

    Veronica 283,

    I find what you have written here very beautiful.

    “I feel scared that a person could just walk away but I could walk away too.”

    Do you think you would be able to trust that the right man will not *want* to walk away? That it is not a random senseless thing, but that the right-for-you man wants you as much as you want him?

    I say this because I came up against this same belief myself because of my fear of abandonment. Like, if someone can just leave at any time, what is the point to it all? And I slowly learned, through positive experiences with men that I allowed myself to have, that someone who loves you does not desire to leave. They are not looking for a reason to walk out the door around every corner. On the contrary, they want that love as much as you do, and may even be as afraid of you leaving them as you are of them leaving you. I hold onto this. With the right man, we will be able to work it out. We will not want to leave each other.



  359.  #360Sophie on September 9, 2014 at 12:04 am

    Your dress sounds stunning Veronica I love the way you describe how it makes you feel. Clothes are so powerful to how I feel. And how wonderful that you felt so adored and noticed.

    Congratulations Kyla!!!! Thank you for sharing with us. I feel happy that you have found Ninja and you new work and all your work is paying off for you, yet you still uses the tools to stay aware and keep getting deeper. Inspiration to me ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thank you for sharing FW. I feel encouraged and excited by the coaches, such positive breakthroughs in such small times. I feel pleased for you that you had a discovery xxx



  360.  #361Indigo on September 9, 2014 at 2:04 am

    Frannie 297,

    I would not text back in this context, definitely not.

    I have not met the guy yet, I do not know him, we don’t have a relationship and I do not want a texting buddy. Hence, I’m not going to text him when I have a chance.

    He has my number. He can give me a call later.



  361.  #362Jamie on September 9, 2014 at 2:40 am

    So my ex said something to me that was odd the other day that has me worried. He seems to shutting himself off from everyone and no even showing up at the bar anymore and this isn’t like him. Like he is depressed. He always says he doesn’t have any “real” friends. And I know he is going through his “mid life crisis” but I have been able to get him to open up

    Is it ok to text him?



  362.  #363Indigo on September 9, 2014 at 3:52 am

    Kim 322,

    I love this!!



  363.  #364Indigo on September 9, 2014 at 4:02 am

    So many changes happening in my life at the moment.

    I am looking at flats and cottages because I am planning on moving out. And there is an exciting new job I am considering taking, because the one I am doing is just not working out. I want to make sure I am doing the right thing. But I know I cannot stay in this current job. It is a pity that I could not have seen this beforehand because I am not looking forward to handing in my notice after 2 months.

    But on the other hand as a highly sensitive woman, I cannot afford to mess around forever in environments that are not right for me. It’s like relationships – you get to a point where you are just tired of the ones which are not a good fit.

    As a result of all of this thinking and wondering, I have curled very much in on myself this week. I could feel myself pulling away from the people in my life, until I wondered whether I was pushing everyone away forever. But yesterday I woke up to the most wonderful clarity. The fog had cleared and I was able to think and feel clearly. And everything, my decisions, feel easier now.



  364.  #365Jae on September 9, 2014 at 4:30 am

    Hi Rori,

    My ex broke up with me few week ago. He also started working at another state a month ago.
    His reason for breaking up: He thinks that we’ve different views and values in life.

    Few days ago I called to clarify everything, whether he still have feelings for me. He told he have no more feelings towards me. He said that I still don’t understand why he thinks we don’t have a future together. I explained that I didn’t call to ask him to want me back, I just want to really hear some answers. I explained to him that I understood why he has to break up with me and he kept quiet. I apologised for the not giving my best to him while he was struggling at work, etc.

    But I feel that he’s not coming back anymore. A month ago he was still sad about working at another state and he said that he’ll miss me. In and out we had arguments during that month and when he’s working over there.

    (He’s also the type of person who’s hard to change his decision once he made it)
    I just want to know whether there’s a chance for him to want me back and whether there’s anything at all I can do.

    Thanks.



  365.  #366Sophie on September 9, 2014 at 5:14 am

    It is so lovely (as an example) how strongly you are rooting for yourself Indigo. Jobs are like men in the good fit and I know how you feel with the not looking forward to telling them after only two months as these were some of the feelings I’ve had over the last few months. My last job was not a good fit for me either and just compounded what was going on at home and the insecurities I was beginning to more strongly internalise. So it is necessary we find a good fit and our right. I guess its like Veronica’s comment about who will walk out of the door. It could be them, it could be you, but with a good fit you will both feel happy.

    And I guess we a job we never really can know until we try whether it’ll feel good to us or not.

    I loved a line in a film last night. It said ‘it’ll all be okay in the end and if it’s not okay now, it’s not the end yet’. I am using that as my guide right now xx



  366.  #367Kim on September 9, 2014 at 5:19 am

    Indigo. Good for you, about the job. We spend a lot of time at work and your environment sounded harmful to your peace of mind and productivity and just reading about it: yuck.

    You are really doing the right thing. And good luck with finding a place to live. Both are short term stressful but long term gain.
    I always think about this when dating someone who doesn’t fit…it may hurt to let them go, maybe it will hurt really bad, but in the end, it’s making space for someone/something better….in the long term.



  367.  #368Femininewoman on September 9, 2014 at 5:39 am

    Jamie I wouldn’t. Unless you are okay in the role of mother or caretaker.



  368.  #369Sirana on September 9, 2014 at 5:39 am

    Please help me to see this situation differently! I would really appreciate it if you would give me your thoughts!

    This is going to sound like I am a spoiled Bi%$#, but please hear me out. I will keep it quick.

    This December is my 20th anniversary. We have had a lot of downs in the last 8 years or so and a lot of hurt in the last 3 years. He rarely says I love you unless I say it first. He never initiates a hug, etc. We have both been hurt. He went out and bought our anniversary present now 3 months early and couldn’t wait to give it to me. I thought that was very romantic and thoughtful. We have talked about a diamond wrap for my wedding ring for 10 years or more. I was so excited! When he gave me the present, it wasn’t the ring. It was a very expensive diamond necklace. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but it feels so impersonal. He said he was going to get the ring but he thought I deserved more (ring was less money). I just feel no connection. I feel like money was just spent. I wanted him to slide that ring on and tell me he loved me. It is a beautiful necklace but it just feels like money. Please help me to see this differently.



  369.  #370Sirana on September 9, 2014 at 5:52 am

    Indigo – I feel hopeful reading your last post. I would love to have that clarification and for the fog to lift. I ache for that. I am working on my self confidence and it sounds like you are doing well. Good for you.



  370.  #371Labbit on September 9, 2014 at 6:31 am

    Kyla 334 — That’s so very cool, congrats again!!! And thank you for painting an honest picture of what your relationship is like. Knowing that it isn’t diamonds and roses every step of the way makes it feel more real.

    Indigo 363 — It feels like you’re on such solid ground, leaning against that rock inside of you. I’m sure these decisions and feelings are not easy to experience but you make it sound very easy! I love the example you are setting.



  371.  #372Indigo on September 9, 2014 at 6:44 am

    Sirana,

    Thank you for your kind words.

    May I strongly recommend you get some coaching, or at least one intensive session with a coach – Dominique would be great for something like this.

    The reason I say that is because I can remember feeling that disappointment in the past, and there are very powerful ways to shift your perspective so that you will be MUCH happier. You have to be able to see how HE expresses love and not hold on with all your might to the image in your head.

    xx



  372.  #373Catie on September 9, 2014 at 6:45 am

    #24 IAmHis,

    Wow! You are so brave and so vulnerable to share your feelings and put it all out there! I feel so honored that you shared those feelings… Even the ones you don’t like or feel bad having.

    I heard your conflict inside just saying you don’t like her, like you’re trying to make it seem ok, even though you don’t really believe it’s ok.

    I’ve felt this way before! It actually feels good to hear someone else talk about it, because it reminds me that we all are human.

    I was raised to believe it isn’t ok to have a negative thought about anyone, not like someone, or feel angry or negative about someone because it wasn’t nice, and above all, we should be nice.

    So I would try to shove all those thoughts or feelings down where no one would see them. I didn’t want to see them. I didn’t want to be mean.

    You’re in the right place now! You can share those feelings and feel those feelings, and I still believe you have a precious heart that deserves to be loved and feel safe.

    Love, Catie



  373.  #374Indigo on September 9, 2014 at 6:47 am

    Sophie,

    Thank you so much for this. I truly love that line, “if it’s not ok, it’s not the end.” I really believe that.

    It’s funny the twists and turns life takes us, and as you say, sometimes you need to experience the situation to know that it doesn’t feel good.

    Don’t you find it’s harder (much) to find a job which does fit you if you’re a sensitive person?

    xx



  374.  #375Labbit on September 9, 2014 at 6:48 am

    This week I am diving headfirst into the unknown. Although I continue to feel a lot of anxiety around my relationship with TenderCD, I see how important my relationship with ME is first and foremost. For the moment Tender and I are in a kind of holding pattern, chatting and circling so to speak. He is incredibly busy at work right now which seems like a gift from the universe for me to focus on myself and sorting through these deep, primal fears that I’ve stuffed down for so long.

    These fears are of being abandoned, left alone with no one who cares about me with no money, home, friends or love. It feels like death. But along with this comes a fear of letting anyone get too close, because if they do they might see how weak I feel inside and that might scare me even more than being alone. I know that these fears are LIES. Nasty voices, gremlins that love me and think they are protecting me, but really have kept me from the love I want for all these years. It is time to heal this. I don’t want to be a prisoner to these voices inside anymore.

    I have to learn how to love myself. When I feel shaky, I choose instead to see it as shaking loose old habits and patterns that no longer serve me. When I feel terrified, I see it as bravery for stepping out into the unknown — something my brain can’t yet understand so I need to drop into my body, where my heart knows this is the right path. When I want to cry and curl up into a ball I cuddle myself instead, put my hand over my heart, feel my own breathing and send love to all parts of my body until it’s shooting out my fingers, my toes, my heart into the world. When I want so very much to close down, I take off my armor piece by piece and let the world see this shaky, vulnerable me. So far I haven’t died, I haven’t been abandoned, I have only brought people closer…even strangers. This feels good!

    I feel terrified because I choose NOT to react in my old, habitual ways. In the past I would have blamed TenderCD for how I feel, making it his fault for not loving me and cuddling me and filling this void inside for me. I would have first gotten very needy with him, asking if he secretly dumped me or if he’s seeing someone else or if he’s mad at me. I choose not to do this. Then I would have gotten angry at him, blaming him for not seeing me enough or talking to me enough or who knows what. I choose not to do this. Then I would have turned super nice and overfunctioned to try to bring him back close to me. I choose not to do this.

    Instead, we aren’t talking much at the moment. And when we do, I choose to share my love of myself with him. Or I express my vulnerability — tell him I miss him because I do, but without asking him to make it better for me. I have to make it better for myself. He hasn’t run away. He hasn’t abandoned me. He may not be showing up the way I think I want, but maybe this is what I really need right now. These simple, short chats are drawing us even closer together. He sent me the sweetest message last night and a funny story to make me laugh. Maybe he’s healing right now too. Lord knows we both have our fears.

    It feel so hard sometimes to love myself. I’m shocked by how much I beat myself up. It takes all my effort and focus to stop punishing and choose love. I am slowing everything in my life down right now to a snail’s pace. I get out of bed quickly before I can get trapped in anxious thoughts, but then I am very slow and deliberate in getting myself ready…taking the time to really feel my body in the shower, feel every part of me as I get dressed, look at myself in the mirror as I freshen and do my makeup, feel the material of my clothing and connect with as part of my body. During work I try as much as I can to be in every assignment I’m working on, to listen to my coworkers without judgement and practice my feeling messages with them. Enjoying every step of my walks with my dog, every movement at the gym, every bite of my food and every step of my commute through my large city.

    Mostly, I’m looking for the fun and love in everything. It is challenging at times. I constantly feel the tug of “this isn’t it” and “it’s not enough/I’m not enough” and “I need to DO something to move this relationship along.” I don’t resist these feelings anymore. I hear them, I feel where in my body it’s coming from, I soothe them, I ask them to leave. Sometimes I have to do this every minute. Sometimes it clears, and I feel so connected to everyone and everything with love radiating out of me. Life feels so very good in those moments.



  375.  #376Indigo on September 9, 2014 at 6:48 am

    Kim,

    Thank you so much. Especially for this: “it may hurt to let them go, maybe it will hurt really bad, but in the end, itโ€™s making space for someone/something betterโ€ฆ.in the long term.”

    I will hold this close to me through the changes ahead.

    x



  376.  #377Femininewoman on September 9, 2014 at 7:28 am

    Sirana honestly really!! You do come across like that but maybe it is because you made a point of describing yourself like that ahead of time.

    Had to be honest there so first off you stay aware that the way you see yourself is the way people will see you.

    Next I get the impression that this is all about you. This all needs to be brought back to you to get a sense of what is going on inside you that seemingly nothing is enough. I agree with the suggestion about getting coaching. My take is that your relationship with yourself is off kilter and that is leaking out in “the relationship”. If I were you I would seek coaching around loving myself and connecting with myself.



  377.  #378Azure Blu on September 9, 2014 at 8:18 am

    (((Indigo)))
    Brave, lovely Siren
    I feel excited for you, wanting to make changes in your job… Kim mentioned… We spend soooo much time at our job… It is VERY important so be happy there…

    AND looking for a new place to live… BIG changes… :-))
    This feels like You listening to YOUR needs and Loving YOU
    I’m curious… I haven’t heard about BM lately…
    How are things there?



  378.  #379Azure Blu on September 9, 2014 at 8:44 am

    Corin #326
    Hello lovely Siren…
    How wonderful and authentic your post is…
    from what you have shared with us you are doing such great cding… listening to how you feel around this one man is good!!!
    I like the way you notice he is treating you the way YOU are wanting to be treated by a man…

    In My opinion… You are sharing many things that would be such a BIG turn off for me (sounds like they already are for you)
    This would be a deal breaker for me…
    I realized, after dating men whos health was NOT important to them, (my health and physical fitness is VERY important to me)
    our likes and lives were very different and so I don’t date men who are over weight.



  379.  #380Azure Blu on September 9, 2014 at 8:50 am

    Jamie #361…
    You have such LOVE and compassion for others…

    I would challenge you to turn that around
    and Give YOU all that LOVE and Compassion!!!

    Stay strong for YOU and YOUR family…
    I have learned that rescuing someone is just another excuse for us leaning forward which in the long run
    will probably make you recentfull
    AND will most surely – Push Him Away…
    Focus on all the Wonderful things YOU have going on
    All the Great things you are working on For YOU!!!
    Maybe you could take a look at
    How YOU will feel after you reach out to him…
    What are YOUR feelings when you think about contacting him?



  380.  #381Azure Blu on September 9, 2014 at 8:54 am

    (((Kim))) #365
    Such a very wise Siren you are…
    How blessed I feel to know you here on Siren island…

    I agree with Indigo… this is sooo good.
    “it may hurt to let them go, maybe it will hurt really bad, but in the end, itโ€™s making space for someone/something betterโ€ฆ.in the long term.”



  381.  #382Azure Blu on September 9, 2014 at 8:57 am

    Veronica #357…
    This is just lovely… feels like tall grasses gently swaying in the warm autumn breeze…
    You in that exquisite red dress… mmmmm…
    Funny is a very lucky man…



  382.  #383Sophie on September 9, 2014 at 9:36 am

    371 – Indigo, yes. I find work incredibly difficult. Along with my relationships with men, it’s my biggest challenge. I burn out very, very quickly and haven’t found an environment yet in which I don’t. I tend to thrive in really fast-paced dynamic and intense work roles but I can’t manage them. I become very affected by the energy around me and I am very emotional. The job I’m in now is the opposite. I hoped I would find it calming but I have found I have felt burned out regardless. Partly because it has been too under-stimulating and partly because I think I burn out anyway. I find it a big struggle having to be out in the world. Some days I just really, really need not to be!

    I have also felt demoralised by the current boss who micromanages and hence pours upon me what feels like a long list of demands with very little gratification for me. She doesn’t grant me the respect that I know how to do my job with out being told or any appreciation.

    I have no idea what the answer is for me. I have begun to build up freelance work in order to be able to choose hours of the day that work for me but its a work in progress as I battle with my own fears and insecurities when I have ultimately responsibility. And once the work is awarded to me it then feels like pressure which tends to stifle creative inspiration which is the stimulation I need both to do the work and to feel happy. I have to be careful also with freelance work that I don’t retreat from the world TOO much. I need connection too. It’s all some kind of amazing balancing act. And I haven’t found the solution…How is it for you? I feel curious xx



  383.  #384Jamie on September 9, 2014 at 9:38 am

    To be honest I feel so overwhelmed right now. Because I love him so much I feel sad, confused and like I am at least partially responsible. I literally cry every time I think about it. But I know I can’t help him. He is on vacation this week so the thought of him being alone all this time breaks my heart since I know he is getting depressed.

    I have contacted a few mutual friends who will check in with him from time to time. Ones I know will be discreet on why they are texting.



  384.  #385Liquid Light on September 9, 2014 at 9:54 am

    Kyla congrats again! I am so tickled pink for u and ninja!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thanks also for your feedback about my post. Do you or anyone else here have any no girlfriend scripts. ? Yikes just writing that freaks me out!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ



  385.  #386IamHis on September 9, 2014 at 9:54 am

    I feel sad, but also open and hopeful.

    I don’t like talking about the SMC situation, but it seems as though the universe is throwing us together.

    Last night a new girlfriend talked to a group of us girls about SMC ‘ s wife’s baby shower.

    As I suspected, my new girlfriend, who doesn’t know his wife very well, said it was only a bunch of old ladies from church.

    Very few friends her age. New friend describes her as very timid and quiet.

    I don’t know why she is timid and quiet, but I don’t really care.

    She is about 24 years old and a former cheerleader who has already been married once, divorced, & remarried all in a little over a year. Teenie tiny fit body to whom pregnancy has not been kind.

    I’ve always been curvey, outgoing.

    When I first met her she could barely look me in the eye.

    She ran off & got married, moved clear across the country, & he cheated on her and left her.

    Right after that is when she met SMC. They made it official on FB later in the evening on the first night that he and I spent any real, significant amount of time together.

    Engaged, married, and pregnant incredibly fast.

    To further complicate things, I just found out we were placed within the same work group at church. 600 people and it boiled down to us? Seriously?

    I feel annoyed. I don’t want to be friends with them.



  386.  #387IamHis on September 9, 2014 at 9:56 am

    The good news is, he did not stare at me at all on Sunday. I felt so relieved.

    I did not get the job whose interview felt more like a date. I had a feeling that wasn’t a good sign…



  387.  #388Jamie on September 9, 2014 at 10:02 am

    To be honest I feel so overwhelmed right now. Because I love him so much I feel sad, confused and like I am at least partially responsible. I literally cry every time I think about it. But I know I can’t help him. He is on vacation this week so the thought of him being alone all this time breaks my heart since I know he is getting depressed.

    I have contacted a few mutual friends who will check in with him from time to time. Ones I know will be discreet on why they are texting. It would make me feel somewhat better knowing that I tried to reach out so since I can’t, I hope they will!



  388.  #389Sophie on September 9, 2014 at 10:02 am

    Wow Labbitt – thank you for sharing your process. It sounds like you are doing some deep work and embracing your healing



  389.  #390IamHis on September 9, 2014 at 10:09 am

    I miss coworker. The way he touched and held me felt other – worldly good. I think it was definitely too soon for that, it was the first date and we barely know each other, but I was feeling so many emotions as he asked me about my past and then he just kind of held and touched and comforted me.

    I was in a strange and new sea of oxytocin.

    I still believe, even more so now than I did before, that the kind of touching we did should be reserved for marriage. All we did was go to second base, clothing remained on and nothing super private was touched.

    I mean, seriously, what’s the point of it except to bond two people together. It didn’t feel sexual at first, but it very all the sudden got that way. He barely knows me and he doesn’t care about me. It just felt good to him in the moment. He liked the feel of my body, and I cheapened it by letting him explore it too soon. Oh, but it did feel amazing and I was feeling so starved for touch and I do miss the feel of him and the smell of him.

    He told me we are two completely different people.
    He is so right.
    I feel angry.



  390.  #391Azure Blu on September 9, 2014 at 10:21 am

    Kyla #340…
    Thank you for your answer…
    I couldn’t remember how long it has been… I remember when you and Ninja first began dating… you have shared your journey so warmly and authentically
    here on Siren Island… :-))

    It feels helpful for me to hear your timeline (I realize they are all different)
    and remember how BRAVE you both were
    to commit to all these changes so quickly and so deftly (it looks this way to me) negotiate through all of your Amazing life together!!!

    You are an inspiration to me in visualizing MY Forever relationship!! oxoxo
    Kisses



  391.  #392Azure Blu on September 9, 2014 at 10:34 am

    teresa #349
    WOW!!! You are LOVING YOU!!
    Realizing YOU cannot fix HIM!!

    What a huge step that is in our
    growth when we realize the ONLY person we CAN
    Fix is US!!!
    I’m in Awe!!! Yay!!!



  392.  #393Kim on September 9, 2014 at 10:35 am

    So weird. I feel hopeful..even though I haven’t found a logistically logical way of staying here, I just had a brilliant small biz idea with local suppliers. Not even a money spinner, more a passion and side biz idea. As if that would help me now lol.
    It feels better to have a good idea than to sit and worry though.
    I also contacted my attorney again. He had all but given up on claiming for damages for my water damage, because it won’t make him enough money…and I am trying to see if I can get him to change his mind. It just feels unfair to have to pay for something that was not my fault and the fat lady hasn’t sung yet.
    In other news, MoM is taking me fir dinner and surf fishing tonight….under the almost full moon..I love nights by the
    ocean.
    I am just going to enjoy that!
    ๐Ÿ™‚
    Maybe catch a fishy for dinner…



  393.  #394Sirana on September 9, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Indigo and FW – Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I know I am “off-kilter”. I use to be so strong and confident. Now I worry constantly. I know what I am “suppose” to do. I have read so many articles and listened to all of Rori’s stuff. I have even had coaching with Dominique (she is great). I intellectually understand what I need to do to make me whole again. Yet, I don’t. I feel stuck. I feel such a loss over where I use to be as a woman versus where I am now. I had the love of my best friend and now I feel like less of person because he has taken this away.



  394.  #395Femininewoman on September 9, 2014 at 11:07 am

    Sirana if he had taken it away he would not have bought that necklace for you. It seems you want it in a particular way. Your way or the highway. Otherwise you cannot see how he is showing it in his way.

    I’d say you need to go back to making lists of his good qualities. The good things he does and looking for things there to feel appreciation for him. You are in charge of you. You control your feelings many times by your thoughts.



  395.  #396Jamie on September 9, 2014 at 11:25 am

    I apologize if my posts are duplicating. My phone was messing up and saying they didn’t go through when the did :/



  396.  #397Femininewoman on September 9, 2014 at 11:57 am

    Andrea – my mind is with you as we draw closer to September 11. I am really hopeful that things work out.



  397.  #398Dominique on September 9, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    Sirana – It feels so lovely seeing you here again. I’ve been thinking about your situation all morning, as it struck a chord with me. I so understand how this feels and the mixed emotions you have running through you. You do have options here, and I have some ideas and thoughts for you if you wish to talk. We can do this via email too if you prefer.

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  398.  #399IamHis on September 9, 2014 at 12:29 pm

    Sirena, what he did would make me feel so cherished. Without knowing your situation, a great book I’d recommend is The Five Love Languages. ๐Ÿ™‚



  399.  #400Femininewoman on September 9, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University and author of โ€œWhy We Loveโ€ states, โ€œWhen we get dumped, for a period of time we love the person who rejected us even more. The brain regions that lit up when we were in a happy union continue to be active.โ€



  400.  #401Azure Blu on September 9, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    I had a wonderful FREE coaching with Carla Barnes…

    She quickly saw i need to lean back even more with Spirit (mostly my vibe) and coached me thru a lovely leaning back tool… and unzipping MY Heart to HIM.

    Even though I knew some of the tools she was talking about it was soooo helpful to talk to a person about my issues and to be lead through them…
    I felt calm…
    I highly recommend talking to one or more of these new coaches.
    Thank you Carla!!



  401.  #402Azure Blu on September 9, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    Kim #390
    Ohhhh… renewed Vigor!!! love it!!
    Taking up for you!!

    A moonlit fishing trip… sounds soooo fun!!!
    On the water with a full moon in pisces as lovetodance pointed out… is VERY powerful
    Have fun darling Siren



  402.  #403Sirana on September 9, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    I am his- thanks for the advice. I will read it. I would love to ask him to read it as well and tell me his love language. I feel I miss his love language sometimes.



  403.  #404Sirana on September 9, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    FW- I do see what you are saying and I think I do need to accept how he loves me in his way. What is hard for me is that he tells me all the time that he will never feel the “puppy love” he had for 10+ years for me. He says we are now a “seasoned partnership” and that is the best I will get. He says he has (due to all the anger and hurt) turned that part of himself off and he will not turn it on again for me. So any nice things he does for me gets buried underneath my need just to hear I love you. I would trade 10 of those necklaces to hear that, but he won’t do it.



  404.  #405Yogini on September 9, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    Azure Blue,

    Aww thanks for taking the time to respond to my question! Yeah, when I speak to family and friends they give a similar response.

    I guess what I would like to do is see if that attraction with an overweight person can grow as when I’m not looking at him I feel so attracted to him (people laugh when I say that, but that’s how it feels). On so many levels he feels right, just not the weight. Then what if his weight goes up further!

    Hmm, still thinking of a possible feeling message to him though. I’m scared of making him feel worse.



  405.  #406Azure Blu on September 9, 2014 at 2:43 pm

    Yogini…
    You: i feel happy dating you and getting to know you…
    and Have enjoyed your attention and kindness to me.
    Good health and fitness is important to me and I am concerned about your lack of interest in this area. What are your thoughts?”



  406.  #407Natalina on September 9, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    401: Sirana

    Oh you sweet thing!!

    I so hear what you are saying, like it feels like wanting to shake him back into the person that used to give you what you want, and in between that place of saddess… like “that cant be all…right?!!” I totally get that, and yet, I know that guys (regardless of how long you have been together) can go back to feeling that melty good stuff you crave.

    he just doesnt know it. you keep doing the tools, and it will just be the natural response.

    I am rootin for you siren <3 (lots of love to you!!!)

    Love,
    Natalina



  407.  #408Azure Blu on September 9, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    (((Sirana))) #401
    That would feel sooo hurtful to hear… He has turned that part off and will never turn it on again…
    I know Rori says that men will say and do whatever to protect their hearts…

    I agree with Natalina… go back to using the Rori tools…
    and loving YOU…. you know how powerful the are!!
    You will call him back with your siren magic and open heart!!!



  408.  #409Jamie on September 9, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    So I have decided to get my stuff back from my ex….for closure….for me.

    He is on vacation this week but is putting me off until later this week bc he “has a lot going on right now” which usually he never does during vacation. I did express that I needed my stuff back for closure but that didn’t speed up the process either.

    I think it will make me feel a lot better once this happens! ๐Ÿ™‚



  409.  #410Jamie on September 9, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    Sirana 401 I know how you feel about not hearing the “I love you” part

    I agree with the other ladies as well ๐Ÿ™‚



  410.  #411Natalina on September 9, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    405: Azure Blu

    I love the way you talk, that is absolutely a supreme picture you painted. and still absolutely true, no matter how bleak it looks…

    “…call him back with your siren magic and open heart!!!”



  411.  #412Kyla on September 9, 2014 at 4:29 pm

    Oh LL! I spent so long scripting a no-gf speech and trying to feel through all kinds of scenarios to find exactly where all my boundaries were around when I will accept exclusivity.. I will try to find my scripts tonight in my journal. I know it went something like, I want a real committed relationship and it feels best to me when they happen organically. I feel dating and getting to know people is the best way for me until we are both certain we want the next step which for me is marriage on the table. I feel so good here with you and I don’t want to feel insecure and put pressure on something that is budding….
    If he got annoyed I’d ask.. Is this about sex? Sexual exclusivity is a must for me when I feel ready for that step. (This calmed some guys right down!)
    If it wasnt about sex then I would just keep the conversation going by asking him what he thinks and responding with acknowledging what he said and sharing my feelings on the matter.
    Oh not sure any of this is helpful I am feeling scattered today lol I do know that I had to use the no-gf speech several times before and with Ninja and each time it scared the crap out of me and each time I felt so damn proud of myself for not being pushed or guilted into dropping this standard. or allowing myself to be trapped in limbo land. So it was not acceptable with 1 guy and he was unpleasant about it (showed his true colours and I was happy to let him go after that), it pissed a few off but they accepted it and it prompted Ninja to decide on his own accord that he would just have to book up all my time until I was all his ๐Ÿ™‚



  412.  #413Natalina on September 9, 2014 at 4:43 pm

    @Jaime

    I hear you about the closure stuff with your guy, and I’m curious about that.

    It’s funny how the closure we think will help us move on doesn’t seem to motivate the guy at all… And I feel just yuck and trying to “stiff upper lip” the just keep on moving part of it.

    It’s totally okay just to move of without “closure”. (Though getting your stuff back is always nice).

    Love for you!!!



  413.  #414Tatia on September 9, 2014 at 4:46 pm

    Femininewoman #352

    It was my pleasure!! I really enjoyed talking with you!! Thank you again <3

    Love,

    Tatia



  414.  #415Natalina on September 9, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    @ iamhis

    I just read your comment about going “too far”
    And I would say you are brave for even trying and exploring that physical piece.

    I love your anger !!



  415.  #416Beloved on September 9, 2014 at 5:19 pm

    I need a speech to use with my instructor tomorrow.
    I have him for every class except my online PE class, and it’s great. I like him, he’s fun and entertaining, he takes time to explain things. EXCEPT, in my Vectorworks class, which is my most difficult class. I have been struggling since day 1 and am 2 assignments behind.

    We have a book, and each class one assignment from the book is due. The book, has problems. Stuff described in the book isn’t as it is in the actual software. He doesn’t go over the whole exercise with the class. Today, he started on it on the projector, and just kind of trailed off on his own.

    Meanwhile, I already feel triggered because I got my financial aid letter JUST before class, and it is half of what I was expecting, just enough barely to cover tuition. I am in class, struggling, stuck. He comes to show me one thing, then I get stuck on the very next thing. He helps me, but does it himself in a way that is completely different from the book so I don’t know what he did.

    THEN, after I’m stuck for so long, feeling ashamed and embarrassed to ask him again, I look up and he is talking to someone he has a lot of other classes with who he is designing a set with, and that’s what they are deep in conversation about.

    I want to ask for help, but my throat feels painful and choked and I am on the edge of tears and I don’t want to cry and if I open my mouth I will. I coach myself into a little better feeling, but sink again. Up a little, then sink again. As this is going on for me, everyone else has pretty much left class, there are 20 minutes left, and he is talking to this guy about another project.
    I feel so stuck in frustration and shame and need and embarrassment that I feel like I must leave, that I can’t even ask for help at this point because I do NOT want to melt down.
    So I leave and melt down on the way to the car.
    Even typing this, a couple of hours later, tears are streaming down my face.

    THIS is the challenge I feel I need to overcome. When I’ve dropped out of school before, it’s always been down to some sort of internal crisis like this, where I feel I’m not getting what I need out of class, am behind, not understanding, and not sure how to get help.

    So, I want to approach him tomorrow, and tell him, hey, I am really struggling in this class and need a lot more attention. I am paying good money and expect to be taught this program. I don’t know how or if others are even keeping up, but I am not and I need help.

    I don’t know if I can do it without crying and I DON’T want to CRY, I don’t want to approach him like I’m a 2 year-old.

    Ugh ugh ugh.



  416.  #417Beloved on September 9, 2014 at 5:28 pm

    At the same time, I’m kind of feeling like…why am I breaking my heart over this? Yes, it’s fun and exciting…AND…I don’t think I’m going to be making more money than I make doing clerical work.
    Plus, if I go back to work and start earning a good living again, I will have money to have fun and do exciting things. AND learn more about some of the things I’m enjoying on the side.
    Round and round my mind goes….:)



  417.  #418Femininewoman on September 9, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    Sirana in terms of love language maybe words of affirmation is important to you while gifts is how he expresses his ??!! I suggest look up the book by Gary Chapman online. You will find enough until you can read it.?

    Does he really tell you that all the time? Or just some of the time? I wonder why he would bother to tell you if he himself doesn’t miss that part of himself? I know how you feel and as this is your husband I encourage you to believe it is an indirect plea that he wants to feel that part of himself again.

    Have you tried talking to yourself when he says that to you? Tell yourself “I love you. I really really love you Sirana”. Right in front of him and aloud. Maybe in front of a mirror and throw a kiss at yourself. Be the change you want to see. Give yourself those words. Sounds silly I know but I would try it if I were you.



  418.  #419Natalina on September 9, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    413: beloved

    You can do this!! I love how the first thing you’ve got here is just, “help me find a better way to connect here so I can get what I want out if this education …”

    The first thing that came up for a script would be

    I’m feeling so frustrated and confused in these assignments… And I more and more angry trying to figure out these problems. I WANT to do well in this class, and I know I need more help, what do you think we can do? What do you think?

    Those are some basics I would want to put in a script from what I read in your last post.

    You are a freakin genius thinking of Rori Raye scripts first though, brava brava brava to you.

    (And if you like we can jump on the phone and go through it)

    Love to you smart siren lady!!!!

    Love,
    Natalina



  419.  #420Beloved on September 9, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    Natalina I will send you an email, thanks so much!

    I’m feeling better and exhausted. My friend, who I was considering disconnecting from just the other day (SO glad I managed to breathe through that urge), called and talked for hours.
    I cried (again) like a baby (again), then as she told me her wild stories about her visit, I laughed so hard and so long I could hardly breathe. Lots of cleansing tears and laughter.

    Interesting that my thoughts go to “withdraw and protect”, which has been my pattern for a long time.

    Feeling peaceful. Sweet. Ready for bed.
    Sweet dreams, all <3



  420.  #421lovetodance on September 9, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    Labbitt 372….

    thank you for all that you wrote….

    so clear and authentic….

    it feels to me like you are in a very powerful and lovely place…

    making so many connections…opening to the depth of your feelings….

    I resonate with so much of what you wrote….
    and
    I love how you are implementing so much of what you are learning

    thank you for sharing so honestly and fully

    beautiful strong siren woman!



  421.  #422Rori Raye on September 9, 2014 at 11:34 pm

    Catie! Hi! – All – This is Catie Jacobs from BeFirstInHisHeart.com – a new coach, and one of the first few to brave doing videos! Yayy! Thank you for your personal story around “being nice” and “not being mean…” – being a “good girl” takes so much energy, I don’t know how any of us did that….Love, Rori



  422.  #423Indigo on September 10, 2014 at 12:35 am

    Corin 326,

    Rori has written a very good article on this very issue!

    I will see if I can find it.



  423.  #424Indigo on September 10, 2014 at 12:41 am

    Azure Blu 376,

    Thank you for always being so kind and supportive. xx

    I am trying to listen to my needs and some good solutions are presenting themselves.

    Things with BM have been going well – in fact, he took me out to a fancy French restaurant for dinner last night. It was lovely.

    I also got a chance to have a conversation with him on Saturday night about how I get overwhelmed after a certain time in the night, and that at that point I need to start winding down. I’ve been able to talk to him about how I get overstimulated and tired so that he understands me better, so that I can get my needs met without him feeling rejected. It was good.

    Things have also been going well with D. There’s a lot to that story, but suffice to say for the moment that I am happy with the way things are going ๐Ÿ™‚

    I’m thrilled to hear about how fun and lovely things are with you and Spirit!

    x



  424.  #425Indigo on September 10, 2014 at 12:55 am

    Sophie 383,

    Wow, what you said felt so incredibly deeply resonant for me. In fact, I’m so relieved to hear someone else has this same experience. Sometimes you can feel so alone, or wonder whether you are being totally unreasonable, and it is comforting to know of someone else who also has difficulty with these things.

    In truth, I have been struggling along in jobs for years where I was thrust into group or team environment, with co-workers or subordinates, and a variety of difficult and demanding managers. This has really been a form of madness for me, because I get very overwhelmed by the energy of all these people – and this is not even including clients and customers. Like all highly sensitive people, my nervous system is an extremely finely tuned instrument which picks up all this stimulation and emotional and energetic information, and it wears on me over time. I start to dread going to work. I find I can only work in conjunction with the most emotionally mature, self-contained people and they seem to be few and far between.

    In truth, one of the major realisations I have come to this week is that I need a job with absolute quiet, with minimal interaction with people. I need a job where I can get absorbed in my work and do what I do best – which is produce fast, meticulous, high quality work. I’ve also realised that I cannot work an 8 hour day, this is detrimental to me. I think that most days I need to work 6 hours at the most. So I am exploring various options. My current set-up will burn me out very quickly, just like you described.

    Brava to you for trying to get freelance work. I am sure your solutions will come to you. xx



  425.  #426Millie on September 10, 2014 at 1:22 am

    Hi ladies,
    I’ve been super busy at work these days, working long hours with no time to catch up on posts anymore ๐Ÿ™ I went to my cousin’s horse show over the weekend and felt exhilarated by the competitions. There’s just something about horses that makes me feel so warm and relaxed. I’m so glad I have no fear of them! Anyways, I’m super excited to be training with her on weekends! It’s something I look forward to all week, being away from the city, and the team is so nice they’ve welcomed me with open arms. So I’m working towards that, becoming an amazing jumper!

    Do you ladies ever feel jealous of a female friend? This friend I have is super cute, always put together, and posts exactly what she feels and thinks all the time of facebook. I noticed Mechanic likes her posts a lot. I feel jealous of her because she is so well liked by men and it comes so naturally to her. Don’t get me wrong, I am very cute and put together as well, I just don’t post selfies or post frequently about my feelings. I share more of what I’m doing. I feel like some things are private and I don’t want to share them with 400+ people. Perhaps I just feel jealous because he gives her attention and not me…I’m trying to let it go, but I guess it takes time. A lot of time. A couple guys have been messaging me but neither are good prospects. One lives in a different state and the other lives here, but I think he’s too old and I’m not attracted to him.

    I feel so much longing….and so much frustration at being unable to communicate what I want with anyone. There actually has to be someone present for that to happen. I feel like broadcasting things on facebook is a cry for attention, and it’s not genuine. I’ve never been an attention seeker in the public eye, I usually just aim for one person’s attention, however unsuccessful.

    Anyway, I feel bitter and angry towards the idea of dating, towards men who show or have shown interest, towards men that aren’t interested. Perhaps I’m one big child that refuses to grow up and become a woman, I’m still a self-centered brat who wants what she wants, and throws a tantrum in private.

    Well, at least I have a dream job, a dream apartment, a great family and friends, goals that I’m accomplishing, and feel gorgeous and love my physique. I really have everything at my fingertips. I just have to keep moving forward.



  426.  #427Indigo on September 10, 2014 at 3:17 am

    Sirana 404,

    I wanted to respond to you here because I know how it feels to have a man say that, and I truly don’t think it is necessarily as terrible as all that. I have had the same thing said to me.

    A man will say that when he is hurting and trying to protect his heart. These words are not cast in stone. To me, the purchase of the diamond necklace is him screaming from the rooftops that he does feel this gooey, “in love” feeling for you – if he did not, he would have got you a frying pan or something ๐Ÿ™‚

    I have learnt that men will say these things because admitting their true gooey feelings feels too painful, it makes them feel too vulnerable, and they will avoid this at all costs. They are not like us. They fear giving you the power to hurt them if you have hurt them before.

    I would say, just keep working on being a siren and especially on making your relationship safe. Keep fights and negative feedback to a minimum. Look for any way you can appreciate him, even if he does something which may not have been exactly what you would have wanted. I have definitely noticed that the more you can appreciate the ways they try to give to you and show that they care, even if it seems a little rough around the edges at times, the more they feel comfortable giving more and more to you, and opening up more and more.

    Good luck.



  427.  #428Natalina on September 10, 2014 at 3:40 am

    @millie

    Being around horses is one of the very best places one can be :). I hear that loud and clear!

    And the jealousy, absolutely normal. I grew up with 4 older sisters that seemed to just have their way with men, popular, pretty – and super successful with guys (so it seemed)

    And what is “working” for her with all those personal posts…. Wouldn’t get you the same results,

    Actually I have tried to recreate what I thought someone else was doing to be successful in love and life- and yeah, the frustration of not getting the same result is frustrating and super infuriating.

    Right off the top my head, I would love to see you post pictures of you out at the stable with your horses, and if you want you could write in some gentle feeling messages about how you FEEL competing and jumping and training…. Smelling the hay and alfalfa…. The leather .

    You’ve got every bit as much magnetism, I promise you that.

    Love hearing you talk about the refuge the horses give you, even in that brief moment in your last message

    Love,
    Natalina



  428.  #429lovetodance on September 10, 2014 at 7:00 am

    good morning sirens…..

    something that i read this morning and felt it would be nice to share…have a beautiful day!

    a quote from Pema Chodron….

    September 10, 2014
    AT THE BEGINNING AND AT THE END

    In the morning when you wake up, reflect on the day ahead and aspire to use it to keep a wide-open heart and mind. At the end of the day, before going to sleep, think over what youโ€™ve done. If you fulfilled your aspiration, even once, rejoice in that. If you went against your aspiration, rejoice that you are able to see what you did and are no longer living in ignorance. This way you will be inspired to go forward with increasing clarity, confidence, and compassion.



  429.  #430prplpsn28 on September 10, 2014 at 7:11 am

    It’s a rather long story but after putting two and two together it was my daughter who deleted H off of my fb. H didn’t delete me. It was an accident. I hadn’t signed off and she didn’t look close and thought she was on her fb account. So…as of right now I have left it alone. I haven’t contacted H nor have I re-friended him. Not sure what I should do. There’s pros and cons to both. Your opinion sirens?



  430.  #431Yogini on September 10, 2014 at 7:41 am

    423 indigo

    Thanks! If you have an idea what the title was or when she wrote it I will look as I couldn’t find anything myself.

    I feel like there must be other people who were in this same situation with a great man with the exception of him being significantly overweight.

    I’m thinking of giving him a feeling message tomorrow around his weight feeling like a barrier to physical intimacy between us and that I feel nervous about physical contact because of it.



  431.  #432Yogini on September 10, 2014 at 7:53 am

    Ooh I think I’ve found the post about a CD being overweight so thanks sirens! I’m posting it again in case it helps anyone else reading:

    “It didnโ€™t seem fair but I told him flat out I couldnโ€™t see a future with a guy who didnโ€™t dress well, take care of his weight and stop sniffing! I also told him I thought he was a really lovely man and it wasnโ€™t about him, it was about me, and what I wanted. Iโ€™m fussy and picky about clothes, food etc. and wanted someone who felt the same way.

    In two months heโ€™d lost 25 lbs, given most of his old wardrobe to the Salvation Army, invited me to go clothes shopping with him and took honey and cinnamon to get rid of an allergy which was causing the sniffing. Hey presto!”

    I feel excited now to try a feeling message around this. I don’t want to crush him but I do want to feel able to be open and honest with him and I can feel myself closing off because of fear and not being honest. Will see how I manage tomorrow. Feeling scared and excited!



  432.  #433Femininewoman on September 10, 2014 at 7:57 am

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/difficult-situations/extra-weight-healthy-weight-and-attraction/

    See what bothers you about a man, and re-read the letter at the top, and let me know what I just triggered in youโ€ฆ



  433.  #434Femininewoman on September 10, 2014 at 8:09 am

    RE 432 – that’s it. I was just about to post.



  434.  #435Catie Jacob on September 10, 2014 at 8:09 am

    #390 IAmHis

    Wow, I remember feeling so many different things surrounding touch when I was dating!! Reading your comment brought them all back. You’re right about touch and smell and other senses creating a bond between people… and it feels AMAZING to feel held and comforted.

    It can feel uniquely challenging in today’s society to reserve touching for marriage, and it felt really good once I figured out what I felt comfortable with and what it meant to me and I how I could use it positively and not feel bad with men.

    I’m proud of you that you are becoming aware of your feelings and creating personal boundaries. When you feel comfortable speaking your truth (feelings) and can feel open and soft with a man, while trusting in your boundaries (whatever they are) then amazing things will happen in your love life!

    Love, Catie



  435.  #436Azure Blu on September 10, 2014 at 8:27 am

    Indigo #424
    Ohhh… sooo good to hear how both your beaus are
    adoring YOU and filling your days and nights with
    MUCH excitement!!!

    Yes…. Spirit… although my emotions are all over the place… Trying to stay on MY horse while opening MY heart to him…
    He is moving our relationship forward in His fun, charming way!! He is delightful!!!



  436.  #437Azure Blu on September 10, 2014 at 8:31 am

    purple… 430
    YOU are doing sooooo great… lovely Siren!!!

    I have found… when things like this happen
    to give myself some time to feel MY feelings…
    Reach down deep and discover what would bring
    ME peace and calm…
    Contact one or more ladies for free coaching… they are such GREAT help!!
    :-))



  437.  #438Azure Blu on September 10, 2014 at 8:33 am

    lovetodance
    Thank you for sharing this…
    Huggs



  438.  #439Oshun on September 10, 2014 at 9:00 am

    Just poking my head in to say “Hey!”

    I hope all is well with everyone.



  439.  #440Yogini on September 10, 2014 at 9:05 am

    Thanks FW!

    It was interesting to read the post about women gaining weight. I hear a lot of men talking about how their wives gaining weight made them lose attraction for them but they felt it was a no- go issue to discuss. I really fee like it is important to learn to be honest about subjects like this.

    I also agree with what was written about weight gain being a sign of not r expressing emotions and lack of self love. I’m scared that this CD likes me so much partly because my job is around therapy to men on expressing emotions and self esteem and he sees me as being like his therapist. Another reason to be honest and take care of myself.



  440.  #441IamHis on September 10, 2014 at 9:23 am

    I feel really good today. I feel gratitude, peace, and happiness. So much of my life is up in there, not even necessarily where I want it to be, but I feel at peace with it; even a deep sense of peace.

    Feels strange and good!

    I had the loveliest dream last night! I kept getting asked out by men I know in real life, and each time, I felt confident, comfortable, and happy to be asked out.

    It felt like CDing is supposed to feel! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I don’t know what that means, but hopefully its a good sign. ๐Ÿ™‚



  441.  #442Sophie on September 10, 2014 at 9:54 am

    439 – 433 What this set off in me is the irrational fear of hurting someone’s feelings that I have which then makes it feel difficult to share my feelings authentically. Thinking about it if someone said they were put off by my weight I would probably feel hurt and maybe offended temporarily but I would either ‘accept it as their thing I’m happy with me’ or hear the message that I probably needed to hear anyway that maybe I could look at my weight if I wasn’t happy with me’



  442.  #443Sophie on September 10, 2014 at 9:55 am

    Purple – I say there’s no such thing as an accident ๐Ÿ™‚ I think you’re doing amazingly and he will lean forward if he wants to question the facebook thing. I would feel happy to be relieved of the potential triggers facebook can bring



  443.  #444Sophie on September 10, 2014 at 9:58 am

    Indigo – me too with the jobs, years of moving around trying to find a comfortable place – in fact years of changing career as well as just jobs. I felt amused that you need to be around emotionally mature/self contained people – you wouldn’t like to work in an office with me ๐Ÿ™‚ Extrovert sensitives are probably doubly hardwork for introvert sensitives ๐Ÿ™‚



  444.  #445IamHis on September 10, 2014 at 10:25 am

    @373 Thank you, Catie! That feels great. I feel so curious about feeling like “I’m not supposed to NOT like people.” That’s such a ridiculous thought!

    I think that part of being genuine is being authentic enough, to be YOU enough that things that are NOT YOU or not what you want or who you want to be OF COURSE YOU IT’S OKAY NOT TO LIKE THOSE THINGS!

    Even the God I know from scriptures has attitudes, behaviors, and ways of being that HE DOES NOT LIKE! That He even forbids!

    There is something about an all-encompassing acceptance that feels incredibly inauthentic to me.

    Tolerance.

    That word doesn’t feel good either.

    There are so many unhealthy things that we “tolerate” in order to keep the peace.

    This feels so curious to me…



  445.  #446Frannie on September 10, 2014 at 10:38 am

    Hi Sirens! I wanted to let you all know how fantastic I am feeling today. I had my first coaching session with Kristi Ann last night. She was fantastic!! I’m already putting into practice some of the things we talked about. I feel so excited about a date I have set up for Saturday night, and can’t wait to talk to Kristi Ann again next week.

    I hope you are all having a beautiful day



  446.  #447prplpsn28 on September 10, 2014 at 10:41 am

    Sophie…that was kinda my thought. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise and I really don’t need the triggers. It’s hard but then at the same time it feels ok. Hard to explain.

    I went out to dinner last night with my best friend. We had a great time. Going out this wknd with friends. It’s possible we could run into H but as long as I have my friends with me I should be ok. I hope. But I don’t want him to stop me from going out and going to the places I love to go to. And next wknd I’m going on a Womans Retreat at a camp in Door County Wisconsin. Excited about it but yet a little nervous also. It’s been years since I’ve gone. It’s thru the church I used to attend when I was still married. About 7 yrs ago.

    Trying to keep busy. Thoughts of H return all the time but I guess I’m doing ok.



  447.  #448Indigo on September 10, 2014 at 11:04 am

    Yogini,

    There’s this one:

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/do-you-have-to-love-him-to-date-him/

    I’m looking for another one too though…



  448.  #449Indigo on September 10, 2014 at 11:05 am


  449.  #450Indigo on September 10, 2014 at 11:23 am

    Sophie 443 Lol ๐Ÿ™‚

    Most people are not like me, and hence I think most people find it difficult to understand or identify with me. I have quite a low threshold for other people’s energy, and yet I yearn for connection and my relationships mean a very great deal to me. It makes work environments challenging – because you are expected to interact to a high degree with other people without it meaning very much. Whereas I am the opposite way round – I like to interact less and have it mean a great deal. I think that is why my relationship with D works so well for me, we can be together a lot and not interact very much, yet be keenly aware of our connection to each other.

    Most people don’t understand that, especially extraverts ๐Ÿ™‚ But that’s ok



  450.  #451Indigo on September 10, 2014 at 11:25 am

    I get along best with other introverted, highly sensitive people where there is just an intuitive understanding.



  451.  #452Indigo on September 10, 2014 at 11:27 am

    Azure Blu 435,

    Filling my days and nights – that’s for sure! I am lucky to get a night or two to myself each week. But I am trying to find ways to rest and recharge through it all.

    Lucky you! I love a delightful man! x



  452.  #453Azure Blu on September 10, 2014 at 11:38 am

    Indigo…
    I am falling head over heels for Spirit…

    He is tall, dark and handsome, funny, smart, tender hearted, great father, outgoing, great dancer, a gentleman, my friends like him and he has taken action on 2 occasions that have made me feel sooo cared for.
    Now that I am liking him more…
    I must try very hard to Continue being tender hearted
    BUT strong on the inside…
    Ahhh… today life is exciting!!!
    :->



  453.  #454Sophie on September 10, 2014 at 11:41 am

    449 – I do understand Indigo – I am also a lot like that and perhaps I’ve had job roles with a LOT of meaning in order to compensate – in the last job I had it could often be life or death for the clients in our care or we had to bond to ensure our own safety so we formed very intense connections with each other as colleagues. Amidst superficiality I feel completely lost. I have nothing to say and I don’t understand. Or I blurt something out which seems irrelevant to everyone because I’ve already worked out everything they’ve discussed and are about to discuss and want to move it onto the next level ha ha.

    However, I do have an introvert bit too. I can only handle the intensity of being round other people, even with meaning, for short periods. Generally my evenings are time for me to regroup and I wouldn’t socialise in groups after work or anything like that but I had very close one on one relationships. There are, like you say with D, just a few people in this world who I can just be rested with.



  454.  #455lovetodance on September 10, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    indigo and sophie
    so enjoying your dialogue about highly sensitive people and the difference between being an extra or intro sensitive one..
    .
    its wonderful to accept and embrace our needs as compared to our pathlogizing them or saying to ourselves’ whats the matter with me ?!’

    You both sound so thoughtful and i love reading your insights into your processes!



  455.  #456lovetodance on September 10, 2014 at 12:36 pm

    Yogini,
    I love how you are grappling with this oh so sensitive subject….

    how to not be damadging to another around physical attributes and stay true to ourselves….

    hurting another’s feelings looms large in my internal psyche around men….it really is something for me to look at and make space around….



  456.  #457lovetodance on September 10, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    Azure Blu…..

    I feel such pleasure in reading the ongoing process with your guy!

    delight delight delight!!!!

    in the full moon light!

    keeping my heart open and being very aware of when i go on automatic and numb to the world inside and outside of me….

    so easily operating on habitual ways of being….and expectations…. this is so much a spiritual practice staying open….



  457.  #458Sophie on September 10, 2014 at 12:52 pm

    Thank you lovetodance – I love reading your comments too they are always so beautiful and poetic. And I love to dance too and I love the moon – my crystals are all soaking it up as we speak

    And its true I am learning to embrace who I am with all of the challenges that brings. I have had my share of thinking ‘what is wrong with me’ and these days I am much more aware of who I am and I really do try to love myself. I have tried to change myself away and now I realise that I don’t need to change. I need to stop rejecting myself or parts of myself xx



  458.  #459Kim on September 10, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    Azure Blu, I love your updates!! I feel excited about the next date with spirit..ha! I am living vicariously through you.

    My fishing date last night was…kinda bla. No fish lol, missed a turtle nest hatching by minutes (still kinda cool to see the tracks) and a storm and rain approached and MoM wailed like a baby because he hooked himself (on a finger). He didn’t stop moaning…lol…

    Before, he had talked about his dead end job he had since college, and how scared he is that the company is being sold..and I felt so judgmental. He has a great qualification and is super intelligent and opted to stay in a very non-ambitious job because he likes his colleagues. This man hates change and I wonder how he would cope with losing his job. I said some things which probably weren’t very nice but I am a total go-getter and changed jobs frequently, and had companies go bankrupt under me and for me it’s really not a huge deal…
    Same with his wish to buy a house and yet signing another lease for a year. And moaning about it!
    Instead of looking for a house, he plays computer games.
    I have no sympathy for it…..and I really felt myself slipping into criticism mode and turned off mode from all this
    Female energy oozing out of the man.
    So much so that when we got to my place, I literally pushed him away when we tried to get physically intimate.
    Ouch.
    I felt awful.
    I started crying because I am so strssed about my situation and everything else, and I felt turned off.
    I don’t want to be judgmental and critical, everybody is entitled to live their lives as they see fit, even if they just want to do nothing. And wait until stuff happens by itself.
    And I realise that this is why he isn’t moving the relationship on, well it is water under the bridge because I don’t even expect or want it anymore.
    He has no energy to move anything on in his life.
    Whoa.
    So so triggering for someone who has lived and worked in three countries, on two continents, had a gazillion of jobs in different fields and just did things not talked about them.
    I am by no means perfect and right now landed in a less than perfect situation.
    But last nights moaning and lame ass attitude really brought out the bitch in me.
    And I do not feel proud of it.
    Ooopssss…
    I am not going to go on a date with him for a while, I have decided to see some girlfriends and check out if I can get a couple of new CD’s from POF.
    I need to work on my acceptance skills…lol.



  459.  #460Kim on September 10, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    My comment is in moderation. Blah



  460.  #461Ignis on September 10, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    Rori does any of the new coaches work via Skype, or phone only?



  461.  #462Yogini on September 10, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    Thanks Indigo for those links! I know in one Rori talks about waiting three dates to see if we can allow a guy to kiss us. Historically it has taken longer than three dates for me to feel physically attracted enough to a guy to kiss. its all about feeling safe for me. Interestingly for those guys once attraction is there it remains strong.

    Strong initial attraction from conventional looks leads to kissing/ sex much sooner but those relationships usually fizzle out fast for me as intellectual and emotional attraction are such a high priority.



  462.  #463lovetodance on September 10, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    457 sophie…..

    beautifulllll…..



  463.  #464Femininewoman on September 10, 2014 at 4:16 pm

    Sophie I have an issue with weight too. What I find it is an unconscious fear that the person will die and leave me alone again. There is a dear friend who has shared that he is head over heels in love with me and just wants to know me inside and out. I had to admit my only reservation was his weight. He is a very caring, attentive man, a little rough around the edges but I could tell that he would make a wonderful husband and would treat a woman right.