From No Love To Lots of Love Incredibly Fast

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This is a letter from Nancy I got long ago, and I just saw it and wanted to print it – it’s so encouraging, and really lays out how this process works and what we’re going for here:

“Hi Sirens,

After posting my terrified message yesterday, I stuck out my feelers and tried to feel what to do.

I felt frantic. I felt I had very little time in which to come up with a response to him that was going to be authentic and that could help restore my connection to him. I was listening to “Blueprint” and Rori’s interview with Christian Carter. I turned it back on to distract myself from my terror. And the most amazing thing happened.

Christian was pointing out the difference between natural connection and trying to force a relationship down your timeline. I listened. I realized more deeply that I had pushed my man away when I ranted at him the other night. So I sent him an email and tried to speak honestly and directly from my heart.

I said it felt good to hear from him, that I’d love to see him, that I had missed him and that I was sorry for pushing him away. I told him I would love to be able to talk with him about what happened; that I felt my request to know where we stand was reasonable. That I couldn’t stand the feeling I might be in a dead end relationship. That I hadn’t intended to give him the message that he had to do anything. That I don’t want to break up. That I felt frightened, worried and unsure. That I’d like to talk sometime soon when we really have the time (he was working and couldn’t stop by for any real length of time) and that if he’d like to stop by to say hi that would feel just great.

I felt better after I sent it and went out to mow my lawn. Now, I’ve listened to that “Blueprint” CD 10 times (I’ve listened to the “Turnaround” disk 100 times!) Suddenly I had the biggest breakthrough. I saw so clearly how I affect my relationship when I push my timeline at him and try to race the relationship to the finish line.

And it was like my heart burst open and knocked an old coat of heavy armor off of my body! Suddenly I saw and felt everything so clearly and it wasn’t a struggle anymore! I’ll try to explain what happened, but really, yesterday was one of the best days of my life. I ran inside and sent my guy another email.

I told him that I just had to share that I had really gotten it. I got that my coming at him in that way doesn’t feel fun for him, or for ME! I thanked him for the opportunity to learn that. I thanked him for his feedback during the conversation (he told me these kinds of “talks” make him feel like the relationship is moving backward and he also tried to point out how badly I react when he pressures me to do anything) and told him how great it felt and how great I felt.

He stopped by later to say hi. I felt shaky, but leaned back and just let him do his thing. I made sure to smile at him when he walked in. He gave me a kiss. He asked me what was new, then told me what was new with him. We only had about half an hour because he was working.

I worked hard to focus on what he was telling me and not to be in my head with my anxiety. Before he left, I told him I’d like to be able to feel that we’re going to be okay. He said we need to talk and that we could do that soon. I didn’t push and just said okay. He said he liked my emails. It was difficult to feel how pulled away from me he is, but also good to feel him coming back towards me. I felt ungrounded after he left and so grounded myself by hitting the floor with my foot and touching objects.

Then another amazing thing happened. I was laying on the couch looking at Facebook and started browsing his page, which I look at regularly. I saw a picture of me in my garden that he took and posted 5 days ago. 7 days ago a picture of my dog waiting in the front seat of his car with her eyes riveted on the store entrance, watching and waiting for me to come out . Then a post about and pic of some drinks I made us recently and a comment about how good I am at making them. Another post about what we’d done and experienced together that day. Another post about what we’d done the day before. Another about the concert we were at last week with a photo. Another post and photo of us at the art fair in Seattle 14 days ago. Another post and pic of us walking on the waterfront near my house. A post about what a lucky man he is to have me. 2 albums full of photos from trips we’ve taken together.

So many photos of me in which I could see my own glowing response to his admiration of my hair, my face, my body and who I am to him. And on and on. I began laughing with joy as it came over me just how into me my man is, about how into US he is. And at the many, many things he does to reach towards me and to make me feel good.

And I was shocked and surprised to realize that it’s been this way for over a year and I haven’t really seen or FELT it as it has been happening! I realized that by being in my head with my anger and ruminating about how he’s not showing up and not coming around and on and on and on about my timeline and my race to the finish line, I HAVE BEEN MISSING THE RIDE OF MY LIFE.

By the end of that 20 minute session of looking at his page I was overcome with a joy I don’t think I’ve ever felt before. I walked around the house just laughing. Laughing as I opened the fridge door. Laughing as I brushed my teeth! I was so joyful and peaceful and surprised by what I was feeling that when I walked into my bedroom and saw the Buddha sitting on my dresser I thought, “This must be what enlightenment is like.” Could it be?!?

This morning I have the fear back in the pit of my stomach. Did I push him too hard this time? Will we recover? I sense that we will, but am still feeling so scared. I don’t know whether I’m more scared we won’t make it, or scared that we will!

I’m doing some more careful feeling or intuiting about my relationship and what my part has been in the way it’s gone before I use my speech. I’m not sure it’s time yet. I’m in this amazing time of realization and want to let everything I’m learning settle in and see where I am before I make that leap. It may sound like I’m chickening out, but really it’s quite the opposite. I’m seeing how chicken I really am, how afraid I am to just stand here and let him love me and that when we start to get close and things are going well I push him away by trying to get across that finish line.

I make it about results so I can avoid my true feelings of fear of loving and being loved: my fear of rejection, my fear of risk, my fear of loss, my fear that I’ll feel so overcome with love for him that I’ll just burst into tears and tell him all about it. And what I’m seeing is amazing! While I’m all up in my head, avoiding all that fear and pushing at him in a demanding way in order to push him away, I’m actually missing out on my own life! I can’t enjoy all the many things he does to help me feel loved and happy. I can’t even enjoy my coffee!!!

And there are many, many wonderful things he does all the time and I discount them, because they’re not a ring or a proposal and it’s not moving fast enough for me. I’m totally missing the organic moments. I’m not building and nurturing our connection. I’m not providing any predictability and good ground for trust building and I’m not appreciating him because the pressure building up in me and then blowing up like bombs going off in my head is demanding all of my attention!

I pretend it isn’t the case, but it is. And he feels it, even when I’m trying to hide it and pretend it isn’t happening. So I have this great guy who shows up and every time he shows up, it’s like I’m looking at him and saying “Well, that’s pretty good, but not good enough because you’re not meeting my timeline!” And I push him away and retreat back into my head and ruminate on my anger about how he’s not meeting my timeline some more.

This is no way to live day to day, let alone love. I’m naming this part of myself “Mrs. Hyde”. LOL She frantically runs around with her panties in a bunch and is all about “hurry up or else”, “I’m running out of time”, “He needs a good swift kick in the ass” “I’m going to drive this relationship across that finish line if it kills it” (and it could!) and other such sentiments that are really quite un-doing to a relationship rather than nurturing my connection to him.

And she’s also hiding from love. So maybe her name should be “Mrs. Hide”.

No wonder the relationship is stalled. He’s probably “Wow that sure doesn’t feel like she loves ME. It feels like she’s got an agenda and needs me to fill that role. Or, “Does she love me or does she just need to get married to feel okay about herself?” Or, “Why would I want to marry someone who is essentially telling me I’d better hurry up or else?” or “Wow, I love her, but who IS this person she turns into every so often and without warning who comes running at me with scissors? How can I trust this?” Now I can tell him – “Well, Sweetie, that’s Mrs. Hide!

What I need to be doing is inspiring him to want more.

So, I’m going to treat Mrs. Hide like Rori’s “Nasty Voice.” I’m going to feel her come up, sit her in the corner, pet her on the head, give her a cookie and assure her I’ll be back in a bit to check on her, but that I’m moving on and that she will be okay. Or maybe when she comes up so strongly I’ll take a day or two to myself, away from the relationship so that I don’t become so overwhelmed by my fear of letting him love me and give myself time to regroup and process.

I am SO happy that I see this and can move beyond it now. So now I want a kind of do-over or fresh start with myself in this relationship. I want to watch what happens as I work on tolerating letting him love me and just appreciating that, without hitting him over the head with my timeline and pushing him out my door.

This man loves me. He calls 3 times a day. We spend every weekend and often a couple of evenings during the week together. We go everywhere together. He cuddles me. He holds my hand. He asks me about my day. He tells me all about his. He’s told me his deepest secrets. He includes me in every part of his world.

He’s called me his girlfriend since our third date. His Facebook page is all about him, me and our relationship. I’m actually a very lucky woman and I can’t see that because I’m SO SCARED of what might or might not happen. But I think it’s worth the risk in this case, to at least make an effort to let my guard down, unzipper my heart and let this man in. I’m excited and I feel shaky, but GREAT.

Rori, I have to thank you, from the bottom of my now-much-bigger-heart. It’s an understatement to say that you have touched my life with your work in the most profound of ways. And I am crying tears of gratitude and awe as I tell you this. The highs really are getting higher and the lows really are becoming more tolerable. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Sirens, thanks for reading and please let me know how this feels to you. Nancy”

Note from Rori – I just love how this process works – from catching yourself doing old things, to being aware of it more and more, to stopping doing some of those old things, to feeling really weird when emotions you didn’t expect come up from inside you…and getting completely NEW, different and amazing results with your man!

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  1.  #1Lucy on May 11, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    This was very interesting to read. Several men have told me that MOST of the women they date come across like Nancy described:

    ‘He’s probably “Wow that sure doesn’t feel like she loves ME. It feels like she’s got an agenda and needs me to fill that role. Or, “Does she love me or does she just need to get married to feel okay about herself?” Or, “Why would I want to marry someone who is essentially telling me I’d better hurry up or else?”’

  2.  #2Lucy on May 11, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    I just learned this from Michael Brown….

    Hey every part of me – we are off on a journey together. I would love for you all to come along and participate in this experience. I know you all have something to add to and receive from it. My overall intent in entering this experience is to have the relationship I want, and I am inviting you to support this so we all have a wonderful time. Thank you. Onward!


  3.  #3Alicia on May 11, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    Congrats Nancy!! Great Progress!! and Good Post – Rori!! Thanks

    I feel really inspired!!!! I love this.. I was having a total rough day and ready to delete my dating profile… I just miss the guy who led to me to all this.. I never felt so open and fun with anyone as much as him. And I’m in this weird place with CD.. like a quiet still place, after getting overwhelmed. Think the emotional waves just needed to calm down.
    But, I didn’t delete it, I just chilled and relaxed and thought about “radiating” love.. and just felt my icky feelings wondering when on earth will they ever pass.. I felt like they would never.. (But a few hours later.. haha) Here I am.. peacful! Then I read the article and they totallty passed!!!!! Now I feel happy, and will have a peaceful night of sleep for sure.

    Nancy.. Was that help from the blueprint? or reconnect series?

  4.  #4Daria on May 11, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    I havent read yet.

    Today I was driving to Toastmasters… and I started thinking about guywhohadababy…. and feeling sad.

    A distant part of me felt amused. Like wow every day, or every moment, I can feel sad about a different guy. Yesterday was Security, today a touch of Getright man, now guywhohadababy.

    last nite in my dream my neighbor, who i liked so much for years before he was my neighbor and now he got married, was in my dream, trying to make love to me before his girlfriend got home. except his girlfriend is now his wife, and they just up and got married, they were engaged for awhile and he wanted to have sex with me during this.

    anyway I woke up feeling really good and wanted from my dream

    but from guywhohadababy, in my car, i cried and cried.

    I missed the way I felt safe with him. I missed the knowing that no matter what, I could count on it that this man loved me, that he had my back versus other people. That he really loved me.

    It got sparked from the way he protected me one time when his sister attacked me… he pulled his sister’s hair and yelled at her and then hugged me and said “I love you to death”

    I felt so good. These moments were few, but the underlying feeling of being loved was always there.

    I trusted his heart that he loved me. Not in an in love way, but in a love way. The way I would trust that my dad loves me, or a brother. Which I don’t have, and he was… for me… until he became my lover and I ran my pattern on him and got confused.

    I wish I did have Rori’s tools. I would have liked to “keep him”

    What I want are those feelings. Of home and safety, as well as romance, and fun, and connection which I don’t like as a word cuz it makes me think of boring electrical sockets.

    I LOVED taking naps in his room.

    I felt belonging because he helped me feel I belong. And i felt growing glowing heart when I would hear him talk well of me to other people.

    And I cried, and I did some EFT

    and then I felt good.

    I’m feeling good now.

    I feel a lil afraid thinking of security. I feel a “block”

    A “block” of my worry that “he can’t”

    a feeling of him slipping back, instead of coming forward.

    I feel like his heart is broken (he told me before he doesn’t want it to break again) and taht i’ve opened that up.

    Writing that I feel encouraged. That is GOOD!!

    He will grow.

    I will grow.

    I am going to “do me”

    I am listening to these interviews and wondering… do I really want a relationship?

    I want success! I want a lot of friends, and belonging to a group… I want to make impacts and change in sorrow. I want to feel supported and help and I want to support and help.

    And I want children … someday, and I feel afraid I will be tied down… stuck to one spot with them…

    will I be able to travel the world with them?

    why not? I could…

    although I feel such fear … I don’t want to unknowingly devastate them the way I was when I moved here…

    or was it my mom’s devastation turned depression that affected my situation so strongly, and I never realized until this moment that’s what it was?

    I want power. And I want joy.

    And I want grandchilren, and a big family when I’m old, somewhere hot, yet comfortable, with forest/jungle plant smells, and wood in the pillars and the kitchen… like Brazil

    but do i want a man? I don’t see myself in relationship.

    I know I want lovers.

    and thinking that I feel afraid to miss out… Miss out on big love…

    and what is that? IT’s an adventure that sweeps me off to another world… in the night! Passion beyond passion and an amazing change MAGIC a different world.

    This sounds like a life change. Right? it doesn’t sound like a man

    do I wait for a man to Change my life?

    I want the MAGIC

    do i want a man… sure, if he convinces me…

    but me… I do not have the dream of him, the need of him…

    I only want him so my children can be happy. With a father.

    My unborn children.

    Do I want one?

    Why not?

    I guess I do.

    I do.

    Thats’ cool.

    I’m open to a man.

    Do I have to want it see it desire it?

    or can I just be open that one will come, without my designing it, and light up the desire in me…

    cuz that’s how i’ve been doing it

    I’m waiting for the man to light up my desire for relationship… and it works… i’ve had it lit

    i’ve felt like the moon to his sun. I’ve felt like the woman to his man in the star sense of godly lovers


    how come wihtout one I don’t imagine it?

    was I fulfilling my desire in desperation?

    I feel confused

    Intuition… Show me.

    Thank you beautiful girl woman queen princess goddess and medicine woman guidor teacher and warrior ranger lone woman

    i have the fantasy of being the lone woman

    what man do i need?

    i AM the lone woman. I AM with the coyotes in the desert. But I don’t feel happy and singing and free. I feel quiet and brooding. Quiet so quiet. I am on a quest, going toward something dangerous, something to conquer.

    I am not the carefree farymaid singing and twirling to the birds, innocent and soft.


    I feel lost.

    I want to be whole.

    Thank you.

    Intuition hear me. I feel afraid. I feel lonely. What is it that i seek?

  5.  #5Siena on May 11, 2010 at 10:01 pm

    Wow, I don’t know how I feel about this post! I can feel Nancy’s nervous energy coming through her words, and it makes me feel anxious!

    On the one hand, I can understand not wanting the guy to feel like he’s a meal ticket, but on the other hand, it feels like he’s already her whole world (and vise versa). If he really was on the same page as she, would he be stalling as much as he seems to be?

    I realize I don’t know the whole story, and I don’t want to come across as judgemental, but to me, something feels off about this.

    Hmmm, maybe I’m feeling triggered. I can’t even totally understand why I’m not enthused about this post.

  6.  #6Daria on May 11, 2010 at 10:18 pm

    Siena – I feel surprised to hear you say that! I had some thoughts in that direction

    I felt happy she’s made a breakthrough with herself…

    but my thoughts are: she wants to be married. he’s not stepping up. Circular Date.

  7.  #7Daria on May 11, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    not stepping up With That – what she wants. it’s great that she’s seen the light on whats going on with her, first step…

    but I would still want what I want… and I would want a man to commit to me with the BIG BANG

    I feel triggered because I foudn myself thinking some more of Security and I’s text exchange

    he’s texting me romantic stuff.. essentially leaning in … but i want MORE… i want calls and efforts to see me (he may be making the efforts behind the scenes)

    sooo I may be pushing him by wanting more

    and then

    I DO want more.

    I DO want a man who does all the “mature” stuff of calling and leaving messages –

    even though its NOT EVEN MY APPARENT STYLE

    I can seem like such a cool, chill, hang out, chill smoke an drive girl…

    but I don’t want to do that!! except to fill in times between the stuff that’s NOT TRADITIONAL for me

    yet Traditional in general – the fancy dinners, the flowers, the glitz – I WANT THAT

    I wear Hoodies, Heels, AND Business Suits

    gimme all 3!! haha

    I feel kinda excited writing this…

    plus I have a fun story about a call I just got from Getright man

    gotta go eat first

  8.  #8Tina on May 11, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    Nancy, this is how I feel when I’m pms’ing. I’m having my period and I feel an ah ha moment. Daria, Im having noodles and veggies yum yum.

  9.  #9Alicia on May 11, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    Nancy Post —

    I feel open about it like it was about progress… Now Nancy.. haha. Good job so far… I’m sure hoping you”re leaning back now.. No more little emails and all that jazz. I feel protective and triggered to tell ya. But, want to say keep up the good discovery vibes in your feelings and focus “on you”!

    I wonder how you would feel if you didn”t check his face book this week? I’m so glad when you looked it was re-assuring. Just the act of looking is leaning forward… As long as you are leaning back literally! I think this could be a break thru.. I’m sure you can’t wait to hear his thoughts.. I feel curious myself.. haha. Just remember guys have total silent convo”s in their head so if he”s quite for a few days… He is not ignoring you. Rather thinking and does not want to be interuppted. (Girls sooo forget this alot and totally interrupt their process) It”s like writing lyrics to a song and having to start over again and again, when you get distracted.

    So just radiate from you…. and I can”t wait to hear more.. I feel a little nervous but, I feel it in the way that you are being vulnerable and that is good. And triggers my own fear. So assuming that you will let him come to you now. 🙂 Best Wishes!

  10.  #10Tina on May 11, 2010 at 10:39 pm

    I see truckman tomorrow, he will want to have sex with me naturally, I”m a Goddess but I cant, actually I can but I dont feel like it. How do I say that in a feeling message, like no sexual contact whatso ever unless he is giving me a deep tissue massage. No bj’s no nuttin. thanks for your help 🙂

  11.  #11Alicia on May 11, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    Oh and one more thing..

    Nancy.. Is this about marriage or what? or being exclusive.. No matter what… yesss you should CD… even just the act of talking to guys online will create the mental space needed for him to feel the shift.. Remember what Rori says.. (well in Modern Sirens)

    Being with you feels so great but, you can’t have all of my time.. I’m not looking for a boyfriend..

    Which at some point will lead the right man to totally take you off the market.. He won”t want to share you.

    So hope you are doing the CD thing.. if not.. I hope that is the first thing you do when you start to think of him… It works… It’s will totally not feel natural but, if you want what you really want.. then this is how it’s done.. haha… And then we”ll hear wedding bells after..

  12.  #12Tina on May 11, 2010 at 10:43 pm

    The thought of him asking for sex pisses me off. I feel like bashing him over the head and kicking him out. I feel turned off if he asks for sex tomorrow blah. Uh truckman, I have feeling very sensitive, I am having my period, I dont feel like having sex, I dont feel like even giving you a blow job 🙂 hows that for a speech?

  13.  #13Alicia on May 11, 2010 at 10:49 pm


    With my guy that I’ve been dating.. He totally wanted a bj on our first sleep over.. and I played for a little but, I was not feeling into it. Or emotionally connected.. So in the morning.. I just said flat out in a calm, hung over way., haha.. ” I don’t want too” he said.. why not.. ” I said.. I just don’t feel like it” He said why?.. I said ” Nahhh maybe later but, I just don”t want to now” And that was that.. and he took me to a fabulous resturant for lunch, was even opening my car door in his garage.. And going out of his way to make me happy.. I wanted to wear some sunglasses they were 5 inches from me hanging on his motorcyle and he hopped of his side went around and got them for me.. So.. just say it.. but still be receptive..

  14.  #14Tina on May 11, 2010 at 10:50 pm

    I want to have a fire tomorrow night, like a camp fire. sit and have coffee, decaf of course, he can have sleepy time tea, his fav tea or whatever he wants just no sex lol. I feel like singing around a camp fire, that sounds like so much fun and maybe cook marshmellows.

  15.  #15Tina on May 11, 2010 at 10:54 pm

    Alicia, thank you, I’ll say I just dont know how open hearted I can feel. I feel right now like kicking him in the head if he asks , tomorrow is another day. I gave him a blow job for a straight hour before, he should keep that in his memory bank for the next few days hehe.

  16.  #16Tina on May 11, 2010 at 10:56 pm

    The good news about my period is that I dont have really bad breast pains this time, I set myself up for hormonal testing at a naturopathic doctor its at the end of this month. I skipped my last appointment because i think my other doctor wanted to put me on some hormonal cream of some sort, I heard it was a bad thing so I changed my mind and going with the naturopath.

  17.  #17Alicia on May 11, 2010 at 10:57 pm

    Oh how funny.. I was going to mention that I was on my “flow” at the time.. but I thought that might be too much.. Obviously not.. So just say it, I did.. it’s has nothing to do with a bj.. but, I wasn”t feeling sexy and it was out first spend the night.. He called and texted and all that for days after.

    However, at the end of the day *in abstract terms.. there is just noooo emotional connection as much as I wish there was.. (if so I probably would lollipopped it) So we have now had no contact… and I am soooooo glad I honored my feelings.. I stood in the bathroom contemplating this, and felt proud of myself. For self respect and not giving up me to please someone else. I know it wasn’t cause of the no suck action that we stopped communicating there just isn’t a spark.. so it was perfect and great boundry practice!! Especially being on the flow.. A little extra boundry help from heaven.. haha. The timing all in all was perfect!

  18.  #18Daria on May 11, 2010 at 10:59 pm

    So Getright man calls:

    hes like: hey man how come you doing me like that… not picking up my calls i called you hella times

    (he does this usually as his first words intro… a cocky/joky… “Whay you hatin on me?” is his classic)

    and i talk in my cute voice: ohh…. I dont remember getting any calls from you (I got a text earlier)

    hes like: where u at.. come out and kick it

    so i say: im at home… hmm right now? i dont know…

    This first part was just background… its pretty much our standard convo… perhaps something to shift if i knew how to

    HEre’s the KICKER:

    he says!!!

    How come you treat me like every other guy

    (im like mini groan… why does Every guy say this lol).

    Then he says… I mean theres a lot of guys but I’m the only one who sfjklejslkfdklfjs (couldn’t hear it)

    I’m like what did you say?

    He says:

    I mean, I know a lot of dudes around here try to get at you, but I’m the only one who had sex with you.

    (im thinking lol… um… yes … u actually NOTICED this finally … LOL… I feel happy… and then thinking… but i mean… how is that a plus for u lol… thats something i chose to do with you … its not something you did for me lol)

    so i say:

    lol.. umm well you should be happy! (ok missed the feeling message but i had a relaxed tone)

    he says:

    well i am happy cuz that thing was real good

    (I feel so happy hearing this hehe Cuz i remember him saying it was snap = good, maybe not snapER, and I felt like ack a lil insecure but I also felt the same about his lol)

    but how come you treat me like other dudes…when Im the only one who had it…

    so I say: um well i don’t know about the only one, i mean maybe out of all the people you know.. but yeah

    hes like: i mean i know i didnt take your virginity or anything, but still Everyone is tryna get at you and im the only one, or am i, let me know

    but when i call you you act like you dont wanna kick it

    I say: Well… You know what i want (i told him before i want dating) so I’m waiting on you to give it to me

    (lol not a feeling message there either but still i was feeling the feminine so my vibe was lean back)

    hes like: yeah well i wanna hang out

    im like: well when did you have in mind?

    hes like: well right now

    and i hear other people int he background – he often wants to hang out with me when hes with other people

    so i say: well to tell you the truth I Don’t want to hang out with you As friends

    hes like: ohhh so you don’t want feel the friends thing at all huh, you really wanna be with me huh, ure really not tryna be friends (I felt amused thinking that he may be saying it extra cuz his friends are there)

    and i say: well yes I DEFINITELY don’t feel like your friend.. I totally feel more Romantic… sooo…. yes… i guess so… yes

    then he says: (something comes up) oohhh let me call u bakc in 10 seconds

    then he calls back: gets distracted in a side convo (he sounds drunk – I’m contemplating a few seconds before i hang up, and instead he hangs up) lol and hasnt called back

    but still it was fun


    and hes figured out that hes one of the blessed few that got to sleep with me

    AND hes finally got that i dont want to hang out as friends

    (and he even said before that he knows i want a date)

    now all he has to do is set one up

    he almost did a few months ago but i told him i wanted him to drive, though i would have met him downtown and didnt tell him that – he has no car, but he could walk downtown

    i would feel curious and happy to see him take me on a date

    he was an actual boyfriend of mine, my last boyfriend of when i was having boyfriends… and he wouldn’t even buy me tacobell lol for fear i was “tryina use him” lol

    but more recently i went to kick it with him a month ago after a long time and he declared he realizes he loves me – he admits it he said – and that of the girls hes dated im the only one he can trust

    lol i feel amused. difficult for sure, but ill let him figure it out

    im like

  19.  #19Daria on May 11, 2010 at 10:59 pm

    I just got my period too!!

    Cycling with the moon !! woo hoo

    i went to acupuncture and the doctor lady helped me

    New moon coming up soon… on Friday

  20.  #20Daria on May 11, 2010 at 11:01 pm

    Tina –

    I don’t feel like having sex or doing sex stuff… unless its a deep tissue massage… that would feel sooo good… what do you think?

  21.  #21Alicia on May 11, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    Well.. I hear you doing a total girl thing.. and that is.. “projecting the future.” But, you know men.. and can sense things.. So ya.. if he”s smart he will be tender and get you in the mood. Honestly.. I love sex and I’m cool with the BJ thing.. But, I really have to feel it in my heart for a guy for me to want to do it.. In a way that I’m into it. Otherwise.. I feel like I am becuase I am suppose too.. And why would I if I don’t feel like my needs(including emotional) are met first, So I honor that now. I know men need sex and all that and I know when I’m married I’ll have to make myself get in the mood if I have kids or whatever, I wouldn’t deprive him or send him into the arms of someone else.. But, this is different I’m just talking about dating like on date 3.. So I feel totally confident saying… slow your roll dude.. I don”t feel sexy or connected for some reason. So I feel like passing.. maybe next time 😉

  22.  #22Daria on May 11, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    Yay Tina for Naturopath –

    Security Man asked me for a blow job, this is after he had gone down on me and we had parted ways…

    He texted me that he wants me to do that…

    I said ohh i feel kinda mad.

    he said oh dont feel that way its ok never mind dont worry.

    I said Pause (I opened my heart and)

    ok the truth is i DO want to do that to you, and I want to do it when I feel like it, when i feel satisfied, and I don’t want to do it just cuz you asked me

    he said ok

    hes asked again way later i said I dont feel like doing it yet

    I want to feel like totally pleased I will KNOW when I feel like suckin my man’s dick

    just like I would KNOW do I want to make him a sandwich

    Tina I was totally using your “do I want to make him a sandwich tool when I was thinking of it, and I realized no I don’t I feel a bit guilty but I don’t really want to, I feel like I haven’t been satisfied enough myself… yes he’s tried but I WANT PLEASURE in this department dammit lol

    trying is not enough

    i know i won’t just try to suck his dick lol I am really good and I better have felt all that and more before I feel like doing it

    am i keeping score? yes I am!! but im not giving to get, im waiting to receive to give hehe

    don’t really feel that guilty in this department

    never been easy to talk into a blowjob

    I did do it to GetRight man before, maybe a couple times, I liked sex with him. He didn’t do it to me, which is a sexual no no with me,

    I bet he will now that he’s realized he loves me lol

    Yeah I feel excited to bring this up to him, I want a man that eats my pussy … what do you think?


    I feel like I “got” him it feels fun.

  23.  #23Alicia on May 11, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    Haha.. Wow.. I wonder if girls who blog can get on the same cycle.. haha.. A guy would grab his football if he saw all this period talk.. lol! Soo girly..

    I want a massage sooooooo bad… it would feel amazing!!!!! For real! YA.. Tina say that..

  24.  #24Tina on May 11, 2010 at 11:11 pm

    Mother nature is a Goddess. I love my period, I love my painful feeling back. I had better sex with 1 1/2 year man and even better sex with my ex husband. Truckman has other fine qualities, he helped through my anxiety I had once while I was with him 🙂 so patient but yet I feel this anger towards him, dunno. he annoys me with his phone calls, like 3x day. blach! I dunno, maybe he loves me maybe not, I just feel suffocated with his attention. He calls me asks how I am then talks mostly about himself, i guess thats what men do TALK. He goes quite when I talk about how iM feeling and the things going on in my life. pms talking blah. ugh! I want to go to the spring dance and meet lots of men 🙂 I want to be a free spirit, do whatever whenever. I had a mini anxiety feeling thinking about him today. What really annoys me is when he cant FEEL the energy shift in our conversations. It’s like work to go back and forth, I feel like I’m being sucked into a vortex , his truckman vortex. My bridge my bridge yeah thats it my bridge stay on it damnit! you crazy bitch goddess stay the ef on your damn bridge!

  25.  #25Tina on May 11, 2010 at 11:16 pm

    lol at tryna use him for tacobell

  26.  #26Daria on May 11, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    In Targeting Mr. Right –

    Rori said how about we redefine Sex

    Sex = You (Goddess) Having an Orgasm

    thats what counts as sex

    do we service him first (blowjob) NUH UH. make sex about Our pleasure

    I always did make sex about my pleasure in a kinda keeping score… covering my what can he say to the town bases… very… I can’t let him play me…

    I gotta get mine first.

    So i always have the man go down on me first, and I would gloat over it hahaha

    which is cool.. I love my gloaty want to brag and talk shit queen

    a few men i did have sex with without maybe like 3, but I would not really feel fully satisfied like that, all those men got sexually LEFT haha

    the married neighbor guy, way before he was married or my neighbor, i gave him a blowjob and almost had sex with him but stopped

    i used to try so hard ( i was young) to get him to eat me out he was totally resisting me, but this one time he almost did cuz he wanted to have sex, so I thought he would (I had just started my period so i didnt want him to right then, I should have.. DAMMIT hehe it was only a tiny bit of blood)

    anyway I thought he would so i went ahead and did it to him guess what he didnt


    he was texting me a couple months ago that he wanted to have sex… i told him i want a man that wants to suck my nani and my toes, he said i dont know about toes lol…

    i guess that means he was down for the nani thing now…

    meanwhile he got married last month on his Elopy thing, so then he said yup no more sex out of marriage now lol I missed my chance lol… i felt amused

    then he called me sounding real sweet last week asking for a ride, im like no im busy studying… hes like ok

    im thinking ok married man youre tryna sound all sweet but youre married

    this makes a difference to me in my book lol

    anyway I would feel excited like in my dream to have sex with him and mess up his marriage shit we’ve liked each other for 10 years and been neighbors for 4 but since we were neighbors we didn’t like each other so much cuz I felt kinda judged and criticized and unheard by him, and luckily that now turns me off

    but I would still feel powerful to seduce him and have sex with him

    I feel kinda in competition mode with his girlfriend i mean wife i still think of her as his girlfriend

    even tho in my dream i felt guilty and She was real nice and we became friends and i told him oh man shes real cool now you really blew your chance with me i wouldn’t do her dirty lol

  27.  #27Daria on May 11, 2010 at 11:22 pm

    Yes Tina for real… he made a big deal that he would give me a piece of his cheese quesadilla WHEN I WAS THE ONE DRIVING US THRU THE DRIVE THRU SO HE COULD GET FOOD

    he had some issues, now hes getting right so he’s named GETRIGHT man

  28.  #28Tina on May 11, 2010 at 11:22 pm

    oh daria, you are absolutely right. Ok, Im feeling on track. We’ll be busy hanging out tomorrow, he will either cook for me or take me out either way, I aint cookin! your right , your right its like a sandwich. I want to feel pleased first yeah yeah yeah. A deep tissue massage,he’ll learn 🙂

  29.  #29Tina on May 11, 2010 at 11:29 pm

    I’m not used to men not feeding me I guess, this one old guy yestereday brought me a huge salmon straight out of the river yesterday. good catch and very tasty, i cooked it and ate last night and today. My neighbor “big hands” gives me moose meat lol. Taco bell sounds great, never been, I’ll go someday. I would have got so mad daria and chucked him out of my car lol and leave me your quisadilla lol.

  30.  #30Tina on May 11, 2010 at 11:31 pm

    I feel happy to hear that his is gettinright 🙂

  31.  #31Tina on May 11, 2010 at 11:34 pm

    Truckman is offended that I’m using him. We never really had it out about this convo about money. I feel all bad ass and want to “tell him off” lol. I’ll smimmer down by tomorrow, usually the first day of my period I feel really cranky and just totally dump him there on the spot and mean it.

  32.  #32Tina on May 11, 2010 at 11:36 pm

    im feeling off and on. off and on off and on weeeee! He is going to be really happy to see me as usual, here I go caring about his feelings again ugh! I’ll be respectful of him, just I’ll be cranky and give me the No Blow Job speech:)

  33.  #33Tina on May 11, 2010 at 11:38 pm

    I mean him 🙂 He has to fix the truck to, a deer hit my truck 🙂

  34.  #34Daria on May 11, 2010 at 11:41 pm

    Tina yay I feel glad I could give you the tool back when you needed it this is great, we can keep passing tools back and forth when we needem hehe.

    This happened many times with the taco bell, he usually only had a couple dollars but still.

    I was just thinking when he drinks he gets really sloppy and I feel terrible, like he gets all into what he wants only , and freakin annoying… think college frat boy gone bad on st patricks day style

    one time he would not get out my car, he did this several times, I would get up out my own car, super drama and upset, i left him there and he stole my radio, he gave it back a week later

  35.  #35Tina on May 11, 2010 at 11:41 pm

    I have to go lay down for awhile I feel pain in my back. oh last night I did the vampire tool laying down in my bed, my back hurt , i put a rolled towel under my neck and hips and started to the vampire tool god I felt great after. When I’m away from this site, I start to feel all tightened up, ive noticed. Summer is coming and my greeting cards are starting to pick up weeeeee!

  36.  #36Tina on May 11, 2010 at 11:44 pm

    Daria, he sounds like a challenge for sure 🙂 bad boy

  37.  #37Daria on May 11, 2010 at 11:46 pm

    Tina – do you have yarrow drink some yarrow tea if you do I am.

    Also I bought a workout move on dvd of a 2 min feel good exercise that will take cramps and pain away… also balances hormones if you want I can send it to u send me an email at

    everyone else who e-mailed me i jsut rememberd i have to answer i just linked the e-mail so ill actually be reading the emails much more now

  38.  #38Daria on May 11, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    Tina – lol
    yes I had to leave him alone for a long time now he shows up with the i realize i love u

    hes not so bad hes got a good heart but Difficult for sure

    ill let him figure it out or else it never will hehe

  39.  #39Daria on May 11, 2010 at 11:53 pm

    Tina – wanna teach me how to sell and greeting cards? Are you selling them online?

    I want to be a businessy business woman I want to have monAY to get my herbs clothes health stuff travel and eat yummy food

  40.  #40Daria on May 12, 2010 at 12:07 am

    If I had monAY I would book a trip to Brazil for a week from now first class…and I would rent an apartment for month by the beach there…

    And I would… get an international phone and upgrade mine to have my calls forwarded there…

    and i would pay off my debt all at once right now

    and i would buy a mouse pen so i can teach online easier and about 10 other ones so i can send to my clients as part of their sign up

    and i would advertise so much more confidently (really why? cuz i have money? what????)

    And i would… buy a new car that is comfy the honda accord 2003 was real comfy even tho i was leaving..

    and i would buy some vases and water jugs to make my herbs in…

    and i would have my herbs shipped to brazil

    and i would buy myself some awesome looking leather work shoes

    and i would buy myself some new shirts that are comfortable and sexy

    and i would buy some smaller size hoodies

    and i would buy the face creams i been wanting

    and i would buy…

    i would buy my sister and goddaughter something nice for her birthday which is tomorrow

    i think i will buy her a flower now

    and i would buy

    myself a trip to the naturopathic doctor

    and i would buy oohh some life coaching

    and i would buyyy

    trips for my friends FIRST CLASS to visit me

    Christine Arylo wants to fly first class… and you know what so do i

    makes a HUGE difference on the long trips I think


    boxy seats make me feel bloated and really made my mom ankles swell for weeks

    I would upgrade her ticket to Romania first class

    ohhh i so want to

    i would buy some sexy sweats

    and i would buy some pretty DRESSESSS wooooo


    and i would buy…

    someone at the corner to style my hair everyday i felt like it

    like braids, twisties, updos, simple things

    cant i do that now for 20 bucks?


    wow i could do that!


    i would buy someone to Henna my hair FOR ME


    I would buy ROLFING

    to smooth out my tissues

    and unkink my toes!!!


    I could buy backfixbodywork guy to come work on me himself… he does that

    I would buy cars for teh carless guys lol tho they might get them taken away fast…

    I could buy myself a shofer!! a FUN shofer i get along with! that might be FUN

    a movie about a girl who suddenly has monAY who hires a guy friend to be her shofer and their adventures

  41.  #41Daria on May 12, 2010 at 12:08 am

    chauffeur is ashy get it i do

  42.  #42Daria on May 12, 2010 at 12:09 am


    your posting comments too quickly slow down!

    /I dont want to slow down!!!

  43.  #43Tallgirl10 on May 12, 2010 at 7:06 am

    I feel excited, and fun and a little triggered.

    I am back to the texting thing.

    So, he asked me out for this weekend, and even planned something for us to do. Honestly, I am not sure what is different this time other than my willingness to walk away and limiting analysis.

    So I responded to his invite, thanked him for his well wishes on a work thing, and said I would love to go out on friday. Then I joked about something he had mentioned.

    But he texted me again, again with some jokes. Now I have already said I would go out on friday, and I am not sure another response to just banter is necessary. I would just make a jokey response about something he said I could do. “Shhh, that is a secret”

    Thoughts? It is triggering fear that if I don’t respond, he will think I am not interested, or don’t want to go out.


  44.  #44Brenda on May 12, 2010 at 7:17 am

    Daria, RE: #4 – That’s beautiful…thank you for sharing.

    Have you read, “Women Who Run With the Wolves”?

  45.  #45Brenda on May 12, 2010 at 8:14 am

    I still love Ryan, but I am no longer trying to save the relationship. I texted him this last night just cuz I wanted to…

    And so as the flat line and its accompanying monotone signal coldly monitored the death of what could have been the most beautiful romance of the decade, Ryan primed his next unsuspecting victim with sweet romantic songs and movies. Oh the joy of murdering the ideals of romance in yet another sweet woman’s beautiful heart of gold.

  46.  #46Siena on May 12, 2010 at 9:05 am

    Oh, Lord love a duck! (as my sweet dad would say)

    I don’t want to go out with this guy! I don’t want to go out with this guy! I don’t want to go out with this guy!

    But there’s no good reason for me not to go out with him once (especially since I already told him I would).

    He’s SO DRAMATIC! (Cue the music.) Everything’s a PRODUCTION with him!

    I hate this kind of stuff:

    “I know some gals like a take-charge guy…and I certainly can be….but you seem like a very capable grownup to me! I believe in a mixture of traditional and liberated roles between the sexes… I don’t carry a “man-purse” (is that a “murse”) but I find pushy or narrow-minded people unappealing, and wouldn’t be interested in someone who was seeking a man to be that! When we’re in your neighborhood, I’ll look forward you being my guide! Dinner will be my treat…no debate!”

    Dude, just tell me, “great! I’ll pick you up at 7.”

    That’s all I need… not all this DRAMA!

    I just want a man. A normal, hardworking, strong, capable, knows how to treat a woman right… man.

    Someone who works with his hands and who can fix anything (including me, haha).

    ugh. ick.

    Note to God. I WOULD LIKE A MAN PLEASE!!!!

  47.  #47Tallgirl10 on May 12, 2010 at 9:17 am


    Hmmmm. I understand what you want, and if you don’t want to go out with him, then don’t. You do have a choice, you are not a victim to dating.

    But, I would push you a bit in that you seem to have a lot of expectations about what he will say or do, and a lot of judgement. Dare I say, a lot of resistance. Triggering perhaps?

    Maybe he is here to teach you something. Maybe to look beyond what feels like a lot of drama. Maybe for you to be less drama. He seems to be responding to something, but I am not aware of what your convos have been.

    Remember, when you critisize someone for something you don’t like, it is sometimes things we don’t like about ourselves.

    And I actually think it is nice to understand what he is saying, which is that you can be liberated, and be surrendering at the same time.

    This site does not tell you to be a victim to dating. It says not to make it the center of your world, which is very liberated.

  48.  #48Siena on May 12, 2010 at 9:29 am

    hmmm, Tallgirl, very intuitive.

    I will go out with him because I want to hear his message.

    But he makes it a lot of work. I just want it to feel easy.

    Maybe I make it a lot of work also, and he’s being my mirror in this case.


  49.  #49Brenda on May 12, 2010 at 9:32 am

    Siena, it strikes me with a feeling of ick, too. I agree with Tallgirl that you don’t need to be a victim to dating, which you already know. But it does sound more like triggering than anything.

    Or maybe I should speak for myself. I have so many fears and insecurities going on a blind date. I’m sick of it, to tell you the truth. I am TRYING to make it a fun adventure, like Rori says. But I already have a couple decades of “fun adventures” behind me. I just don’t want to date anymore. I want to be a wife.

    Yet I know dating is what happens first, obviously, so I am going with the program and praying that I won’t be hurt or deceived too many more times. I am really weary of the whole process and trying to make the best of it. This website is the best thing I’ve come across second only to relationship CDs (compact discs). This makes it all doable and even enjoyable up to a point.

    Anyway, if I were you, I’d give him 3 dates to prove or disqualify himself.

  50.  #50mary on May 12, 2010 at 9:43 am



    archetypal. epic. universal.


    coyote on the desert.

  51.  #51Siena on May 12, 2010 at 9:44 am

    I’m feeling tired of everything I have to do (like everyone, I’m sure.)

    And I want a man to step up and take charge, not negotiate with me about it.

    I had a date recently with a take-charge guy, and it felt delicious! I just sat back and relaxed, and smiled and thanked him when he pleased me, and he was charged with energy, I was charged with energy. The whole thing was just easy!

    …and Bren – 3 dates? haha, I was thinking more like 1!!

  52.  #52Siena on May 12, 2010 at 9:54 am

    you know what it is?

    I still feel like I’m drowning in this whole CD thing, trying to get my bearings.

    I don’t feel like a victim, but I also don’t feel like a diva who’s picking and choosing what and who she wants. I don’t feel like I’m at the mercy of the individual men, but I’m at the mercy of CDing.

    I’m struggling.

    Maybe if I just let go, I’ll float.

    “I was up above it, now I’m down in it.”


  53.  #53Tallgirl10 on May 12, 2010 at 10:01 am


    Maybe you are mentally overfunctioning here? This seems like a lot of mental energy. If you don’t want to see him, don’t. You don’t need three dates to cut bait on someone who you really don’t like. If you are neutral, then three dates is about right.

    I believe we do bring energy to the party, we are not totally reactive. That would be no fun. I bring energy, and that is why men want to spend more time with me. The energy is fun, and flirty.

    I am a type A achiever. And I won’t be anything else on a date. But how does that show itself? I am fun, and flirty, and responsive and direct. It is not: asking out on dates, calling or emailing.

    I only have my most recent situation to rely on. I treat our dates as if they are our last. I enjoy my interaction with him as if it is our last. I take all the fun I can out of the moment, and will not think about anything else.

    Easier said than done, but seems to be working. Now I need more men to practice on.

  54.  #54Brenda on May 12, 2010 at 10:18 am

    Siena, I’m with you there, down in it and needing to float.

    What really turns me off in men’s personal posts and initial emails is when they go into a shit list of what they DON’T want in a woman. They sound sour and really it brings a negative energy right from the door. This dude you quoted sounds a little like that.

    If he’s a real scum, I won’t have more than one date either. But I shoot for 3 dates, to give him a chance to get over his nervousness and show his true self.

    It’s taken me quite a while to shift gears cuz when things were going so well with Ryan last year, I was decided I would never date again, cuz he was the man for me. Now I’m moving quickly in getting him out of my system. I just know I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life.

    As for a man to take care of me, yes, I prefer that, too. However, one thing I learned thru years of struggling to live by myself is I developed a backbone of steel and a healthy pride in my ability to do things that most women wouldn’t even think of doing.

  55.  #55Brenda on May 12, 2010 at 10:20 am

    Then when I see these seeming-mugshots on the dating site of old geezers wearing baseball caps and scowls, I feel like just giving up. Ugh.

  56.  #56Brenda on May 12, 2010 at 10:22 am

    Or, worse yet, an old geezer with a baseball cap, no smile, and a screen name, “SwallowMe”. No lie. It is nauseating! What do they think we are, animals? Just a piece of meat?

    I want a romantic, respectful man who at least tries to look good in his photo.

  57.  #57Daria on May 12, 2010 at 10:25 am

    Siena – whaat! ?? This is an opportunity to Be honest. Ohhh I feel alil bad and the truth is I feel a lil turned off by your message. I don’t want a narrow
    minded pushy man. But romance is so very important to me in a man… And I feel so much better when the
    man is in charge of planning dates . Wat do u think?

  58.  #58Tallgirl10 on May 12, 2010 at 10:25 am


    Maybe I am in an optimistic mood, but you are all sounding like bitter old hens, hehe!

    Some of the old geezers may have a take charge attitude like Siena wants.

    And for every man who does all this craziness, there are a lot of women.

    I want to give a shout out to all the awesome men out there who also just want to find love.

    Stop looking for faults. My glass house can’t take it.

  59.  #59Siena on May 12, 2010 at 10:29 am

    …wait, SwallowMe!? Holy cow!!! LMAO! That’s really gross!

    Tallgirl, you totally called it. I’m wayyy in my head. That’s my work, to get out of my head. It served me well when I was building my business, but it doesn’t serve me in love. If I were attracted to fem-energy men, I would be golden – but I’m not.

    I signed up for some ballet classes! This is the first time in about 15 years that I will step into a studio! Getting into my body! I’m gonna SHOCK my system out of my brain, and back into my body.

    Daria, I was kindof waiting for your response before I responded to that guy, thank you! I wanted to see what you would say…

    I’m gonna walk the dog to the beach, and then write him back when I return. Thanks ladies!

  60.  #60Siena on May 12, 2010 at 10:31 am

    “Some of the old geezers may have a take charge attitude like Siena wants. ”

    Well… the guy I mentioned earlier isn’t an old geezer by any means, but he is a good 20 years older than I. He was the manliest man I’ve encountered in my CDing so far!

  61.  #61Brenda on May 12, 2010 at 10:49 am

    Tallgirl, LOL! You are right! I admit, I am really half-dreading this Cding, and part of me is like a little girl being told to clean her room, “Aaaww, do I gotta?” Ok, I’ll try to behave.

    I’m looking for a wonderful, kind, loving man who is a man. **Ahem!**

    Siena, I’m jealous, “Walk my dog to the beach.” I wanna live at the beach sooooo bad! But my Mom is in poor health, and I stay in this area for her.

    20 yrs older…is this the man you met at the speed dating thingy?

    Daria, I really like your suggestion for Siena to give feeling messages to Mr. Date.

  62.  #62dorothea on May 12, 2010 at 11:13 am

    the guy i have been seeing says to me last night that he loves me.

    wow and i feel attraction DIAL BACK.

    when all this time i had been hoping he would fall for me. he is stepping up. saying he will take care of me. offering me the whole world.

    and i feel turned off.

    he took his exes off his facebook and i feel turned off

    we have been dating for a few months…it’s good that he did these things…but still.

    i got issues.

    i love my issues.

    i feel a fence constructing itself instantaneously around my heart when a man turns himself into the sun and attempts to warm it. the fence is 1000 feet tall and lets no light in.

    the sex is better though when i know he loves me. YUM.

  63.  #63Simply Shannon on May 12, 2010 at 11:16 am

    I love the aha moments in the original post. And reading “Does she love me or does she just need to get married to feel okay about herself?”, well… that one stung a bit for me. Feeling anxious about marriage is who I have been for a VERY long time. I still want to be married but it’s no longer my only desire.

    The thing that feels weird to me is that I don’t buy it. I don’t buy that Nancy really made all these changes and that they really stuck. And maybe that’s just me feeling cynical. It’s all a process and it’s not like I’m suppose to get this stuff in one day and voila, I’m a brilliant siren who never makes mistakes tomorrow.

    I feel cynical and mad. Grrrr! It’s not really this post. I just feel tired. I was sick with strep on Sunday (recovering finally) and now one of my boys has an ear infection. Both boys are being crabby-patties. I feel overwhelmed and tired and yucky. We’re all going to take a nap and wish for a better attitude for all of us.

  64.  #64Simply Shannon on May 12, 2010 at 11:19 am

    Siena: Message from Mr. Run-At-The-Mouth… short messages are better.

    Have ya’ll noticed that reading a ton of words can feel overwhelming? It’s so difficult to respond to all of what someone has written. I almost want to take notes as I go so I respond to everything.

    This is why I don’t want emails and text messages. I want spoken words face to face.

    Ok, now I’m napping.

  65.  #65tinque on May 12, 2010 at 11:29 am

    “I signed up for some ballet classes!” Oh YAY Siena.

    I’m so excited about these two pieces K and I are going to partner together in. Very different one from the other, but both very sensual, sexy even. We’ve come up with some awesome lifts. I hope someone at least takes some pictures. I’ll only share if I like then though.

  66.  #66Ankita on May 12, 2010 at 11:33 am

    Wanted to share a poem here which I heard in a teleseminar. 🙂


    I could walk on water so you know I love you
    I could give you wings and you could come flying with me, and you know I love you
    I could do arabesques and pirouettes and I could dance the polka or drop a billion stars at your feet, and you know I love you
    Or I could have every blade of grass singing “I love you” in harmony, to every cell of your billions cells will hear it loud and clear
    But you might somehow still not believe it, so I wait in the corner for you to turn around.
    You search for me, going through your ups and downs
    Take the million mile journey. Do Sida Yoga postures until the cows come home
    Wail and cry – where are you
    You hurt, betrayed, rejected, alone and abandoned.
    I let you do all that because when you finally feel it is worth while
    So I am not going to take the journey away from you.
    I won’t deny you the right to know that you now deserve to know me
    I, however, never put conditions in my love – you did.
    I grew a million daisy petals at your feet so you can play the game “he loves me, he loves me not”
    But you somehow managed to always end it in the not
    So I will let you be in the search for me.
    Till one moment you will exhale, let go, turn around and you fall in my embrace.
    And you know the immensity of my love and you and I are one, my beloved one.

  67.  #67Alicia on May 12, 2010 at 11:57 am

    Tall Girl –

    I think the rule of thumb is… a guy harldy EVER looses interest if you don’t respond. Especially.. after several text. They just try harder. You are leaned back.. I love the feeling of the guy being the last to respond. Actually there is a term called the “one man down position” – in some book for work I had to read. But, basically the person who is left waiting for the response is in the one man down position. Like once a chick calls a dude and is left waiting for his return call… she is in one man down. Then it can be up, then equal.. It varies.. But, this is not about work.

    So if you want to.. do and if you don’t – don’t… He asked you out. I highly doubt he will loose interest. 😉 And see how it feels to let him be the last to text… and then later text again.. it”s great and simply just recieving.

    One time I left my phone in the car when I was at work.. and this hot guy I was crazy about.. literally blew up my phone.. 8 hrs later when I finally got to it. I had George Strait lyrics.. “It just comes natural and I love you” I was so taken back… and it was just innocent. I wasn’t trying not to respond. I couldn’t. But, I think Rori said get in the habit of letting the guy be the last to say bye.

  68.  #68Lucy on May 12, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    Brenda — I LOVE “Women Who Run With the Wolves”!!!!

  69.  #69Alicia on May 12, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    And also..ahahaaha.. Do girls ever loose interest when a guy doesn’t respond? Umm not really.. quite the opposite. It seems to make eveyone no matter which sex try harder. So cool be the girl and let him lean forward again and again.

    My only expeption to that is with a guy I have not* been on a date with. If some dude is just texting… Hey, what’s up? or When we gonna meet up? And the communication doesn’t flow or they text me and
    I respond and then they wait two more days to continue the convo about weeked plans they asked me for. I just tell them, “I don”t feel like the communication is flowing.. I already have plans. Have a good one.” But, in my life I”ve done that one or two times.. and when I said that my phone started ringing in less then two seconds from the guy.

  70.  #70Brenda on May 12, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    Ankita, RE: #69 – Poem

    That touches me deeply, thank you! It is how I feel about Ryan. He has trust issues like you’ve never imagined. Brought tears to my eyes. 🙁

  71.  #71Siena on May 12, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    Ankita, I love this! “Till one moment you will exhale, let go, turn around and you fall in my embrace.
    And you know the immensity of my love and you and I are one, my beloved one.”

    Brenda, yes, I was referring to Sexy Man earlier…

    Shannon, you are so right about long-winded messages. I told him once before that I felt overwhelmed by his missives. And I don’t want to change a guy – this is who he is.

    I’m gonna respond with a version of Daria’s feeling message to him and see how that goes.

    Tinque, I would love to see pics! It must feel so wonderful to partner with your partner! Talk about trust – especially for lifts! Wow!

  72.  #72Brenda on May 12, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    Lucy, My friend has “Women Who Run With the Wolves”. It is one of the next books I’m going to read!

  73.  #73Brenda on May 12, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    I love dancing! I think dancing lessons is such a terrific self-esteem builder, even if going solo. In the past, I took salsa aerobics, belly dance, and tae bo at the Y. I absolutely loved it, even tho I was the slowest one in the class. Since then, I’ve taken Zumba, and it is wonderful! I know on Rori’s CDs she has a speaker who is into exotic dancing and pole dancing, again, a terrific way to flirt with our men and build self-esteem!

    Now if I could just get this hip injury healed. *Sigh!*

  74.  #74Daria on May 12, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    Hehe – I;ve been meaning to tweak my feeling messages… they come out so long lately!

    I used to do just a simple one with no explanation

    like… oh.. i feel weird

  75.  #75tinque on May 12, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    Brenda – “Now if I could just get this hip injury healed. *Sigh!*”
    You don’t have to wait. If done intelligently, the movement helps heal injuries by keeping things more open, stretched, and keeping the blood flowing to the area,
    I broke my hip from a serious car wreck, and all these years later pain set in, as it all started to get bound up with scar tissue etc. because I didn’t work with it as I should have. But as hard as it was and as painful, I kept working with it, and now I still keep at it, working with it in a smart way. Little bit by little bit, I have regained much of what I lost and now have minimal pain, much of my strength back, and the torn ligaments that kept me from my former arabesque height is back to 90 degrees. I’m still going for higher.
    The same goes for my shoulder injuries. My shoulder was locked from a rotator cuff tear and obviously so from the same accident. My upper ribs stuck out prominently from the compression inflicted on that side. You would never know now.
    Babying injuries is not useful. Especially when it comes to tendons and ligaments. As long as the bones are intact, and/or you have nothing else insidious going on, work it. Slowly, patiently. You do what you can and build on it.

  76.  #76Siena on May 12, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    okay, this is what I wrote,

    “I feel good knowing that you want to do something that makes me feel happy! I don’t want to be with a narrow minded guy, but I do feel really good when the guy plans the dates and is a “take charge” type. That’s what feels romantic to me.”

    Because he wrote stuff in there about it being a romantic date, and that I should pick the place because he wants to do what makes me feel happy… so he’s trying. But I’m not gonna pick the place at all. I’ll send him a list of restaurant types that I like if he persists (Italian, Greek, French, American, Middle Eastern, Asian… hehe ).

    So he wrote 4 paragraphs, and I responded with 3 sentences. hmmm….

  77.  #77Brenda on May 12, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    Tinque, thank you! That is wonderful how you healed!! Technically, mine is an injury to the S-I joint, the one just above the butt cheeks that allows you to bend over. I have been seeing the chiro since Jan, first 2x/wk and now 1x/wk. I asked him if I should walk even tho there’s pain. He asked a few questions. Like does it hurt more after exercise, even when you are sitting or lying down? Yes. He said then no, don’t work it if it hurts, because it’s only irritating the joint and will slow healing.

    He gave me specific exercises that will both stretch and strengthen the muscles immediately surrounding the S-I joint. I am doing them. Also, just last Sunday, my mother’s day gift to myself (I’m a dog momma!) was to rearrange furniture to make room for my recumbent stationary bike and ab lounge. So I finally have them set up, and those exercises I can and will do with no pain. I am also looking into a membership at the Y so I can swim, which also won’t bother it. I am 150 lbs overweight, so it is the pressure from my weight that is bothering it when I walk. Swimming and sit down exercises will only help. So I am positioning myself for that!! Just can’t afford the membership, so I’m looking into free membership with a scholarship.
    Thanks for caring!

  78.  #78Tallgirl10 on May 12, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    I am having such good banter with him. I feel really thrilled and excited.

    his last text to me was that he would keep a secret of mine for a price (we are joking of course)…..

    I think I am going to respond with “Oh reallllly???? I await your terms on friday”. That ends the conversation and gives us something to joke about on Friday.

    Or I could test not responding.

    Thoughts ladies?

  79.  #79Brenda on May 12, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    Tallgirl, it’s back and forth joking around! I think that would be relationship-building!

    Siena, I think what you wrote is good! I will say, after my past negative comments about older men, one thing that really appealed to me about Kenny, my ex, was his maturity. He’s 13 yrs older than me, 59, and he had worked past all the emotional shyness of a younger man. I didn’t need many of these tools to ride with him! He just knew already how to treat a lady, and he taught me so much as well! Even tho we’re divorced, he’s one of my best friends, and he has coached me in dating! Sounds weird, I know! but he’s really cool about it and mature about other men in my life.

    I hope you have a nice time with Sexy Man!

  80.  #80Lucy on May 12, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    Siena — “So he wrote 4 paragraphs, and I responded with 3 sentences. hmmm….”

    That’s the way it often goes with me, too. I feel good about it. It makes me feel like I’m “cool” (not as in cold, closed-off, but as in free-spirited and easy-breezy). It also feels funny and fun to me. Like playing. Almost like a mischievous twinkle in my eye.

  81.  #81Tallgirl10 on May 12, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    Siena and others,

    There is no harm in giving a man some clues as to what you like. This is not leaning forward if asked specifically about it.

    Women want men to lead, but they are not mind readers. It is not the sign of a weak man to ask what you like to do and eat. It is a sign of being considerate. Think about it.

    With that said, you don’t need to say – take me to XYZ restaurant. But it is ok to say – well I love XYZ cuisines. That is not leaning forward, it is giving the man a chance to please you, what is what they want to do.

  82.  #82Siena on May 12, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    Tallgirl, just to clarify – my date asked me to pick the restaurant, which is something I don’t want to do.

    But I feel good telling him my preferences if he asks. I’d also feel good if he just arranged the whole thing without my input too.

  83.  #83Rachel on May 12, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    I’m back from a beautiful weekend with my guy. We really connected and had some great conversations, fun and romance. Now… I feel all shaky, nervous, longing, obsessing…

    I had reached such a good place before we met – leaning back and just receiving. Now that I’ve been with him again, I miss him so much. It’s hard not to be thinking about him all the time.

    I feel like I stayed on my horse pretty well when we were together, but now that I’m home, I feel like I’m sprawled beside the trail. I feel insecure that if he doesn’t call or keep in touch or seem to be missing me, I’ll sink back into pain and despair. I don’t want to be there again!


  84.  #84Siena on May 12, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    Rachel! Book another date with another guy! Seriously! CD!! That’s the only thing that will make you feel sane!

    I know it feels so weird and icky and the LAST thing you want to do now, but it’s a life saver!

  85.  #85Apple Jacks on May 12, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    Okay I have to ask this, is there any possible chance even an inkling at all, that you can burn out on CDing? If so then any suggestions on how to burn out proof yourself?

  86.  #86Daria on May 12, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    YES! I felt so glad when Rori told me… you are DOING THERAPY so you will need to REST!!!

    Rest when you feel the need, however that is to you. I would sometimes feel like I had to actually take a nap when I got hit by some whoa triggers.

  87.  #87Siena on May 12, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    AJ, are you asking because you’re burning out? Or just thinking that you might burnout in the future?

  88.  #88Siena on May 12, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    The reason I ask (because I realize that might have sounded rude) is that CDing feels really tiresome a lot of the time to me. But it’s scarier to THINK about burning out than it feels to FEEL tired. It’s hard to write what I mean… hopefully you understand.

  89.  #89Apple Jacks on May 12, 2010 at 5:09 pm

    Daria – thanks!

    Siena – I totally understand, and the answer is yes I THINK I just might burn out. I’m afraid it might make me go into hiding or something, because I have been known to do that.

  90.  #90Alicia on May 12, 2010 at 5:25 pm


    I’m glad you said that! About Rori saying it is therapy so you will need a rest!!!!!!! YES! EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!

    I was all about the CD thing for 3 weeks.. like bam, bam, bam, and then all of the sudden it was like a tidal wave knocked my energy out.. I was so open responding to everyone.. Then the thought of responding to a few people was making me want to not get on the computer and withdraw.. But, I’m cool on text.. I think I just needed to process some of this.. Plus, issues with my Dad coming to the surface.. Interesting timing.. considering we went years with out speaking. My step mom told him to choose and he did.. Her and their kids. It hurt cause he raised me.. and it hurt cause I had no idea the abuse I was under.. so maybe it was a blessing actually!!

    (UGH ICK… Feels so toxic.. I dont care anymore about his approval and but ofcourse he calls starts yelling like he”s about to bite my head off.. then a few weeks later call all normal but, his normal is negative and wierd.) – He’s putting my step brother and sister thru school. I’m making a career change going back to school. I’m paying for it, happy too and he’s like, I don”t know that nursing is just going to be really hard Alicia.. Maybe there is a class you can take on how to study.. – Seriously? I graduated a year early.. Do I say.. I feel so drained and disgusting after being your presence, I would prefer not to have a relationship you becuase I feel stomped on? Sometimes I think he tries but, this has held back true intimacy in my relationships and I had know idea how powerful that hold was on me.. Has anyone heard the toxic program? I need advice.

    Gosh I’m an adult, I just don’t feel like I need this relationship with him at all. All I feel is anger coming thru my eye’s and fingers.. holding the phone when he act’s like he is calling to be involved in my life, then he acts so rejecting and critical and he rejected me to begin with… I forgive him. I’m glad he has a family.. and my step mom to grow old with. I just feel like it’s fake or scary.. in the brief time we speak or see each other.

    Back to the dating… alot of emotions do come up.. during this dating process.. I found myself not liking being around this unemotional controlling guy who was nice but, totally reminded me of my dad, kind of cold and making a scene cause I said byee to a guy when we went out. (A guy my friend was trying to get away from..) Ummm that was a first ever for me. But, he was a good practice of boundries cause I totally stood up for myself.

    Sometimes it’s taxing, sometimes it awesome and liberating.. and the boundry thing can feel like a work out.. My energy is still mellow.. so I scheduled my dates are for next week..

    Ending on a positive note… just in a short time (like the past month) I can look back and see that I had an “on the knees” experience.. lot’s of dates, boundries, feelings and the most important thing EVER… is no leaning forward what so ever with my guy that led me here..… and he is pretty calm. thank God. haha. I just can’t handle overbearing angry on a dime men.. (crap.. as soon as I thought it, i also thought i bet I will attract it to heal it) God, get me thru this.. I thought we healed this… (or maybe I never faced it.. cause I was too busy pushing intimacy away)

    But, lol.. I did see this ADORABLE email of these dolphins making under water rings and flowing thru them so elegant and playful.. I sooo wanted to share.. haha. It made me smile. But, I didn’t, he can make me smile.. instead of vice versa.. So I guess that is progress.. even in a little tiny way… (although in my head it seemed okay to share) But, my intution broke it down.. a “forward email” is still “forward.. boy energy” haha.. Might be a little extreme for an email.. but, it helped me lean back.. lol..

  91.  #91Alicia on May 12, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    I wish I was mermaid so I could play with..

    Watch it. Love it!

  92.  #92Lucy on May 12, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    That’s so cool, Alicia. I feel like a mermaid right now — I bought this “Ocean Breeze” nail polish cuz it claimed it had an ocean scent when dry…and it does! I put it on my fingernails and toenails last night and it’s this sparkly greenish-blue color and I said to my daughter, “Look! Don’t these look like mermaid fingernails?” 🙂

    p.s. Thanks for that higherawareness link — I love the site!

  93.  #93Alicia on May 12, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    I LOVE THIS SONG!!! It’s makes me wanna dance and I feel good or always better after.. A great mood lifter! I found this a week ago and I watch it everyday real quick.. 🙂 🙂 🙂

    ATTRACTION video, LOVE, HAPPINESS, MONEY.. It’s quick! Love the pics!! Check it out 🙂 🙂

  94.  #94Alicia on May 12, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    Lucy haha.. That’s sounded so cute and funny!

    And it reminded me of something I would say.. Like serious, serious, details, deep then.. totally random..and bubbly. haha..

    I told my friend last week I wanted to seriously change my last name! But, I couldn’t….. cause it would totally mess up my email.. haha

    Mermaid nail polish that smells like the ocean.. lol! So my kinda thing.. I’m a pisces.. A “christian pisces”
    and princess.. 🙂

  95.  #95mackenzie on May 12, 2010 at 6:24 pm

    Been gone for awhile and just read through the first 95 comments all at once. There is so much here!

    Tallgirl: I found someone that I have so much fun texting with…bantering. I just do it because it makes me feel good and we both laugh a lot. I think someone said it is relationship building and I agree. I want to find someone that I feel connected with and so to me this is a good sign that that guy likes feeling connected too. Maybe it just depends what kind of texting is happening. I never initiate it but I have fun responding and I let him be the last to text. He loves it and so do I.

    Siena…I had the same feeling about one of your earlier texts about your new man. It felt to me like he just wanted to be considerate of your feelings by letting you pick and that his wordiness was just a way of letting you learn about him and advance the relationship. Maybe he is more emotionally available than someone who would just say “pick you up at 7”?? I am certainly no expert on this as I gravitate to emotionally unavailable men and am trying to heal myself and change that. So my radar is up when I read your messages (I always feel I can relate to your messages) and I’m just throwing that thought out there.

    Lastly, I soooo can relate about CDing and burning out and feeling icky and demoralized. I was definitely in that place and felt like I wasn’t bringing any energy to the dates because it wasn’t really fun. Then suddenly I am dating 3 people that all interest me and life is fun again and I’m afraid I may have some hard decisions ahead of me…like which one I might pick to sleep with. Still early and I shouldn’t think ahead. BUT, I just wanted to give everyone some hope that sometimes it turns around.

    In the background is still my “ex”. I still miss him and most of the reason I date is to distract me from missing him. He says he misses me too but he hasn’t “stepped up” so I must date on even though no one measures up or makes me feel as comfortable as I did with him. Anyway, it seems many of us are in the same position.

  96.  #96Lynn on May 12, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    ok, I got the e-book that Rori suggested on my first post about my marriage/husband…and…

    it totally is clicking for me ..I FEEL EXCITED!!!

    I called him today from work on his cell and he answered like he was really busy and said “whats up baby” and I said “are ya busy” he said “yea I’m in a meeting” and I said “OH wow u didnt have to answer..I appriciate it but I would of understood” and he said “its not a problem ”

    This is H U G E because he’s the boss and it was a foreman’s meeting on a big job he’s running…WOW is how I’m feeling

  97.  #97Daria on May 12, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    Yay – Lynn AWESOME STUFF!

  98.  #98Siena on May 12, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    Hi Mackenzie, you may be right! It may just be an emotional availability thing… We’ll see. That’s why I’m going out with him – to reprogram my man-dar.

    So I had a d8 tonite, and he texted me that something was wrong with his truck, could I come to him?

    I texted back, “no” without even a 2nd thought. It might have been better to use a feeling message, but I was on the fwy.

    In the past, I was a “compassionate dater”, meaning I would have understood if he had car problems, and gone to him. I love not having to do that anymore!

    He responded saying he missed me and asked me out for tomorrow instead.


  99.  #99mary on May 12, 2010 at 11:05 pm

    i’m frustrated.

    island man likes to play with words and i feel like i’m waiting, waiting, waiting from an email from him and then it’s just beautiful words, strung together… about moonlight and frog choruses and lilac blossoms.

    i want him to ask me questions.

    i don’t know exactly what to do!

    give him a speech?

    hello island man,

    i feel glad to talk with you and it was wonderful to spend time with you on saturday! i felt easy with you and happy with myself when i was near you, and i don’t want to feel frustrated with the slow pace of email going back and forth. i feel afraid of being misunderstood with such a two-dimensional form of communication. what do you think?

  100.  #100mary on May 12, 2010 at 11:13 pm

    hello island man,

    i love emailing back and forth with you but i feel anxious and fearful about being misunderstood, and since i can’t hear your voice and you can’t hear mine, it’s just words! i feel almost sad about that!

    what i don’t want is…

    (sirens, what don’t i want?)


    but i can’t tell him that!

    i don’t want to sit here and WAIT for a man again!

    (oh! i’ve been waiting, waiting, WAITING, WAITING, WAITING for men for YEARS.)

    i’m done waiting.

    no more waiting for Mary.


    goodbye island man.

    you had your chance.

    you kept me too long and i’m not waiting any more.

    good bye.

  101.  #101mary on May 12, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    i got an email from another man.

    he said, “okay! thank you for your phone number. this will be our last time on quick reply. i will give you a call soon to set up saturday. i’m thinking around 7 pm, if that’s all right. I really consider myself fortunate that i’m getting the chance to meet you.”

    and i got another email from another guy.

    he wants to ferry over on the weekend. that would be a long trip for him, but… okay!

    these guys are acting in a way that gives me an easy response… i like the way they’re ready to take action.

    and okay. island man was here on saturday. we spent the whole day together!

    so why has he reverted back to little sayings on plenty of fish?

    it’s his way of flirting, i think.

    what to do? just flirt along with him? but i’m no good at it, and when i send something back, i think about it for hours and pick apart every word and it’s rather agonizing.

    i hate it.

    what? just blow him off?

  102.  #102mary on May 12, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    i feel the need to respond to him immediately but i’m trying to squelch it.

  103.  #103mary on May 12, 2010 at 11:25 pm

    anyone there?

  104.  #104mary on May 12, 2010 at 11:36 pm

    no one is there.

  105.  #105mary on May 12, 2010 at 11:40 pm


    that’s a good idea… thanks!

  106.  #106Alicia on May 13, 2010 at 12:32 am

    I COULD JUST SCRRREEAAAAM! Arrrgggggh.. my anger just got totally triggered by some douche bag guy on POF…. (I feel wierd calling him a douche) I “feel” confused if he is even worthy of fresh clean feeling or commercials of walking on a beach. AT ALL!!!

    Anyway, this squeezer.. I thought I knew him.. who is 35, put on his profile no girls over 30.. Seriously? ummm okay but he”s 35. haha like, I just dont get it. Step in to 2010 man.. and I’m tired and angry of girls feeling like they have to lie about their age.. And yes maybe it tapped my own. Apparently it tapped my ass somewhere..

    Anyway… I don’t know where this came from but, I said to him…

    “Wow crazy how Marissa Miller .. Sports Ilustrated Swim Cover Model and Victoria Secret
    model is 32 haha.. just sayyyyin!”

    “Then he says.. I’m sure she’ll be disappointed but.. limits are limits…”

    My response.. “YA.. She probably would be, sometimes the hair is the limit’. (his being ‘down to the limit’ 😉 She’s married to a hottie.. but he’s actually younger.. so can’t hate on that..”

    *coughcough* I know kinda bitchy.. but, opps and yay.

    I added this to my profile page.. just for tonight.. I get complimented on it alot. So I felt safe and free to express myself openly… I’ll erase it in a day or so.. Here is what I added..

    ** Wow.. A guys pof post just totally hit me wrong.. then cracked my ass up. A pet peeve of mine… People who lie about their age.. Common? Seriously??? Obviously I could, but, I don’t need too. Just sayyyyin!! The guys who are old school are ummm old school. So some girls feel the need to lie out of fear… that’s just lame. I say own it! And welcome the good hot men who know what’s up.. we all know the younger guys do. lol.. Marrissa Miller isn’t sending out any apologies to lame dudes for being on the cover of Sports Illustrated Swim or Vicotoria Secrets and coughcough voted FHM WORLD Hottie.. at 32. Thanks Marrissa 🙂 Send Heidi Klum kisses too.. That was her who marched her fine ass down the Victoria Secret runway and owned it.. oh and she’s 37.. haha. Step into the new decade people.. the 1900’s are long gone. It’s 2010. I haven’t even biologically reached my sex peak yet and I just turned 33.. haha. It’s always a wild ride.. but my pretty little bow is wrapped up in the present moment and it feels pretty good. A super passionate composed moment.. Face it.. your either Hot or Not. Shallow or Deep.

    – And the guys who are not.. and put 29 as a cap are just repelling women and tapping fears.. No beautiful women wants that attitude in a man ever!
    So, at least have enough sense to understand women… And to all the wonderful men who love hot ladies.. from Victoria Secret Angles like Marisa to hotties like Carmen Electra and Adriana Lima.. Thanks for being awesome… and getting it. It”s not about a number.. Whew… That needed to come out. Thanks!!

  107.  #107Alicia on May 13, 2010 at 12:42 am

    Umm Mary.. I’m a night owl.. but, when school start my schedule will be back to the norm….

    I caught one message from you. “I feel the need immediately to respond..”

    Please refer back to post #71 and #73.. 😉 haha. This seems to keep popping up. (maybe the universe is preparing me.. lol) So I will be having to take my own advice.. If it’s not already toooo late..
    Hellllllllllll no girl.. lean back.. do it when you feel good and ready.. Not nervous and rushed. One of the best times EVER to call a guy back and I thought this was BRILLIANT.. is when you are out with your friends having FUN… Excuse yourself and make the call. Your tone of voice will be happy and relaxed. But. like not sitting around talking about when to do it. Just notice when you’re feeling calm and fun. Or screw that.. and do it and be totally in the moment. I was pushed into calling my once.. And I felt soooo wierd and rushed and nervous.. But, I thought I was just facing fear.. and really I was just letting people push me and I wasn’t ready.. So advice from me it normally both sides.. then pick the one that reasonates most peacefully..

  108.  #108Alicia on May 13, 2010 at 1:01 am

    opps mary I read more of your messages…

    Ummm this happened with a guy I’ve dated.. if he sent you a message online.. then respond when you want. Sometimes I feel like opening and reading.. and then responding the next day. Or just hit reply.. Or I’ll just text back my response.. But, I was regular with that guy at the time.. and I would always go days with out checking my profile. There are lots of guys I’ve been on dates with that will still hit me up on the profile.. He might just be in the moment and saw your pic.. or playing cool. But either way he messaged you. So good.

  109.  #109mary on May 13, 2010 at 1:13 am

    thanks alicia,

    i didn’t email back. and I read the comments – 71 and 73. they made sense to me.

    i’m not gonna email him back. maybe he’ll email again. but this last email of his was saying nothing at all. it’s rather demoralizing to be in the one man down position, which i call the waiting room.

    i’m gonna have fun with the guy who’s SO EXCITED to go out with me that he’s thanking me over and over, and he invited me to the nicest place in town.

    i’ll just look forward to that…

    thank you!!!

  110.  #110Daria on May 13, 2010 at 1:54 am

    I am feeling so mad and weird. my sister got a new boyfriend who drinks and she is drinking again

    i dont think shes gonna make it this time

    this means i gotta raise her kids. they’re my godkids

    im thinking potentially i can move in with her mom when she dies

    i wonder if i am supposed to just let it happen

    another option would be fighting her. i am kinda intimidated by my sister, to tell her not to drink constantly. thats what she probably needs is someone like that, and she kicked my godbrother out for not having a job (understandable) but damn

    i wonder if me fighting her would do any good

    i am having fantasiez of doing that

    im thinking i could surrogate EFT her everyday for 2 weeks and see what happens

    or maybe if she was in a car accident and had to recover safely or if she went to jail then that would prevent her from drinking

    its weird cuz i just did this EFT today about overresponsibility, bascially when someone tries to fix something for the other person, and when this happens young kids start believing and having fantasiez of magical abilities and being able to do stuff… and then they attract more people that they do this with in their lives

    so anyway, i was doing the EFT to cure this, not attract a fuckin situation with my sister


    this is seriously not fair to me

    i dont want to deal with this

    i feel numb

    i feel like who cares… we’re all alive so if someone wants to kill themselves they should be able to i guess

    or i dono

    maybe what should happen to them is they should be forcibly controlled and beaten up and prevented

    people dont believe in the latter but then people watch their parents or other people die

    so i dono

    which is better i never figured out

    i feel ashamed that i wish i was braver to stand up to my sister and challenge her and even fight her, but instead i just let her do her and just let her know i feel worried

    i remember i thought her babydaddy my brother was a wimp cuz back in the day she was drinking with him there…

    BUT the second time they got back together she wasnt.

    so i dono

    God, i would like YOU to deal with this. IM TIRED.
    I know I said I wanted to have magical powers and save everyone and get all the credit but this isnt what I had in mind.

    I feel pist at being played cruel with. Like oh you want power and fame huh, i’ll show u power and fame…. punish punish

    fuck u


    or whoever

    is setting this up for me

    i dont care

    what if i kill Myself

    what you gonna say then

    i guess i do have power over that

    so yeah


    i dono about this

    i know i want to be happy

    and maybe that means getting far away and NOT helping my sister

    maybe we should just abandon people in pain until they ask for help

    or maybe we should attack them and Force them to do whats right

    i dono

    i dont feel strong enough to do the second i feel sad to say

    IF i were a very confident person I woudl be able to but im not

    im just a weak person who sits there

    i dont have the guts to shake things up like that, because alas, i might get beat up or verbally attacked and i feel like i cant take that

    i feel stuck

    im gonna go for the EFT i guess

    that might actually work

    if i do it everyday

    so ill try

    consistency is not my forte either

    i wouldnt bet much money on me doing it everyday

    more likely my sister will die this time

    it woudl be nice if she didnt

    Angels if you hear me, please help my sister be healthy and not die


    i know she drinks cuz she feels happy drunk, and feels bored not drunk

    i would too

    and i do

    so please help both of us

    help her get activities that feel fun and fulfill the fun she needs from drinking… and help her heal the feelings that she needs to and she does with drinking
    in another healthy way

    i feel very not powerful here to be honest

    so please help me

    i feel very not faithful… i actually feel angry and not very trusting in you angels

    either way I would really like help even feeling like this

    thank u

  111.  #111Daria on May 13, 2010 at 1:58 am


  112.  #112Daria on May 13, 2010 at 1:58 am

    testing fucking fuck fuck fucker

  113.  #113Daria on May 13, 2010 at 2:00 am

    so i guess God took my letter directly, because it didnt show up here, then got totally gone the second time, AND it didnt show up where i saved it on google docs.


    I hope he hears me . thank u

  114.  #114Daria on May 13, 2010 at 2:07 am

    well whatever… looks like the blog is not tryna hear my feelings on this. i refound it in google docs.


    i feel not crushed but numb

    i wanted to see my beautiful pain show up , and instad i get disappearing




    this is some real life shit

    this life u know


    who the fuck cares
    if ur sister wants to do stuff that will kill her

    maybe part of the lesson is to let her die

    maybe part of me wants to say i knew this girl , and she was like my sister, and shes dead now

    and maybe i want to raise her kids, or not. cuz maybe her mom will find someone else

    who knows

    maybe i want her dead on some level

    which sux

    cuz on very many levels i totally dont want her dread

    dead not dread whoa dread

    i just feel relaxed

    im tired of everyone around me fuckin hurting themselves

    i want to be super power magic hero but u know what

    when is that shit gonna kick in

    i want it to be EASY

    i let it be easy

    fuck u if u think i have to work hard to save my siter

    i declare i want it to be easy

    i align my spirit body and mind to it

    and being easy


  115.  #115Daria on May 13, 2010 at 2:10 am

    maybe a part of me wants her to die so i can raise her kids with her babydaddy and we fall in love or something

    this was a very shameful fear of mine that i woudl want this before

    but the truth is on very many levels i dont wnat this

    im just terrified i want this so i can blame myself when it does happen if she dies

    well at least thats a perk if she dies right? i can then date my brother

    which i may very much not want to do when it becomes a real possibility

    im trying to be morbid here

    embrace the darkside

    i feel afraid of her reading this, and feeling betrayed and attacking me

    but u know what so what

    its better i say hi to all my parts so i dont keep stuff stuck in the energy

    cuz i really want her to heal very much

  116.  #116Daria on May 13, 2010 at 2:29 am

    in my imagination, when she dies, someone will say, well no one cared about her enough

    and i think thats true… cuz if i cared about her enough i wouldve did something

    but its alos not true, cuz obviously me and her mom do care, and even her babydaddy

    but none of us either care enough or have the strength to DO something

    if people didnt care about me enough, then… i might be in jail right now, because they wouldnt have Done something, they wouldve let me sit there….

    but i wanted to get out of jail

    shes choosing to drink

    but if someone cared about her neough, they would stop her

    apparently i dont care about her enough, cuz i dont feel strong enough to stop her

    does this mean i dont care about myself enough?


    this is my fear about not being controlling

    when youre not pushing hard hard hard at controlling stuff

    nothing happens

    you make no money – check

    people you care about die cuz “no one cared enough to stop them” – no check

    like that homeless man that bled to death on the street



    i distanced myself from her already. i cant be bothered.

    i cant be bothered with a girl whos bored when not drinking, and whos drinking leads her to extreme sickness and most likely death

    who makes these rules anyway?

    happens to me too

    like hello, here is this drink and when you drink it you’ll feel HAPPY!!! BUT THEN IT FUCKIN TURNS ON YOU AND BACKSTABS YOU!!!


    thats really sweet and fair – sarcasms

    thats really fuckin great isnt it?

    fuck u

    no wonder shes taking chances of dying

    who wants to play this stupid facade life where stuff is not fair

    who wants to live when stuff isnt fair?

    i want to live when stuff is fair

    i like fair

    life is not fair

    so i dont like life


    or is life fair


    im so busy thinking about reincarnation that death doesnt realy hit me at all

    except when it does

    then im all fucked up

    when she dies ill actually be totally fucked up and suffering and traumatized

    yahoo i cant wait – NOT – sarcasm

    im just writing it as “when” she dies cuz for some reason its less of a heart wrench than “if” she dies

    that just feels weird

    we’re all gonna die

    and we get sad when people die


    i didnt get sad when my grandma died

    thats cuz i saw her in my dream… or whatever

    i dono why

    i just knew it was ok and i felt the ok feeling

    i love me

    i feel confused

    i want life to feel good!!

  117.  #117Daria on May 13, 2010 at 2:29 am

    its also not fair that the blog eats my comments

    what the hell was i writng that gets moderated

  118.  #118Daria on May 13, 2010 at 2:39 am

    Maybe im learning how to be powerless!

    i had such issues with feeling powerless… maybe im learning to accept feeling powerless… and “work with it”

    ie be happy even when i feel powerless

    taht would actually feel nice

    if im feeling powerless anyway, i might as well be happy while im feeling it


  119.  #119Daria on May 13, 2010 at 2:42 am

    somehow i have a feeling of grace and peace

    like this is not really deep u know… im feeling grace and peace and its ok for me to think about other things, happy things

    i think its the EFT i did ON EXACTLY this issue before i saw my sister

    very “strange coincidence” that i would pick that particular seminar recording to work with on my drive there

    thanks Angels

  120.  #120Daria on May 13, 2010 at 3:03 am

    okay so you wanna die on me bitch

    fuck it

    you have the right to do what you want with your life. even die

    i feel powerless to change your mind. though im not or am i. is the fantasy of all powerful me a reality? or is it that i am about the same size as u and i both

    and so if you choose to die

    and i choose to live

    i feel sadness

    and i feel angry

    anticipating heartbreak

    bitch you’re tryina fuck up MY HAPPINESS

    by not doing what the fuck i want

    which is live

    you so insist on dying!

    but maybe you wanna live too? no

    surely u do

    or maybe

    mostly not

    what do you think?

    what do you feel?

    i have to let u unfold

    unless i want to challenge u

    and u intimidate me

    like u always have


    i wish it was easy to boss you around

    like my parents did me

    but then

    youd probably do what you want when you got out from under my power anyway



    i cant force you to live right?

    i really dont want to be responsible
    for abandoning you to death

    so wtf

    u R slippin

    what am i suppose to do

    i already mentioned it to you

    the next step is fight you

    and im a lil afriad of u

    and im a lil afraid of fighting period

    tho im a great winner

    i dont know if i want to WIN a fight with you

    i know i want to WIN your life

    but its yours

    so i guess ill let u kill yourself


    i feel confused


    make up your mind

    or dont

    just make it up the way i want it to


    fuck please



    i feel frustrated

    i dont know what to do

    i dont know what you want

    u can kill yourself. but i dont like it.

    i DONT want you to kill yourself for happiness

    but if u decided to be a rock climber or ski jumper or throw yourself out of planes

    woudl ik tell u stop


    i dono

    this feels worse


    the freakin taste of doom

    fuck u alcohol

    for bein a untrue friend

    in the end

    why couldnt you just have stayed love juice

    was it me that leaned forward

    and overfunctioned?

    most likely

    i feel betrayed

    i feel tightened up in my lower back

    all i have is me in life and

    you life are determined to teach me this individualistic american notion of me me me

    arent u

    to show me that i can control no one else

    even if you have to rip them from me forcibly

    what am i abraham

    i wouldnt have did it

    but he did

    maybe it just seemed wrong but he knew it would be right

    but damn

    so u wanna be isaac

    and ill be abraham


    I hope God is all in my ear

    cuz it sure would feel lonely otherwise

    to try and kill that which i love



    i love the drama

    can you teach me in a gentler way

    i want the excitement

    but i dont want the desperation

    i want happy

    gimme happy


    keep the heartbreak

    thank u

  121.  #121Daria on May 13, 2010 at 3:12 am

    yay i feel tears!!

    i feel i feel

    heres what i got

    a good speech

    u can kill yourself. but i dont like it.

    i dont want you to kill yourself for happiness.

    it woudl feel good to see you Live for happiness.

    i feel powerless. i cant think of anything else. but fight you. and i dont think that would work. what do you think?

    i love you. if you choose to kill yourself, know that i respect and love you. and i would feel heartbroken and crushed. its your choice. but i wouldn’t like it one bit.

    i feel angry and betrayed. i dont want to see my loved ones put themselves in hurt. i feel powerless. i dont want to feel this way. i feel untrusting of you. what do you think

    i will or i would still be able to talk to her when shes gone, as a ghost. she said before that she woudl haunt me if i let her babydaddy raise the kids, and even tho now she may think different, and i would. maybe shed haunt me. that would suck, if it felt scary. i feel terrified of ghosts. id have to like do magic on her.

    but i talk to my other dead friends sometimes. its like talking to myself

    so shed still be here for me.

    in fact better cuz id trust her more and i wouldnt feel like shes tryna show me up or punk me.


    not so better

    cuz i really want her to be alive

    i would love for you to be alive

    i would really love for you to live.

    even if i move far. i feel reassured. knowing that you are here, alive and happy or moving towards happiness. ok?

    i love u.

  122.  #122Daria on May 13, 2010 at 3:13 am

    i feel more tears.

    bitch u are makin me cry!!!

    i think that ass whoopin is gettin closer lol

  123.  #123Daria on May 13, 2010 at 3:13 am

    i always did wnat to fight my sister. shes a great fighter.

  124.  #124Daria on May 13, 2010 at 3:15 am

    shes also an inspiring Diva Siren. i mean really. i learned so much from her. like how she bes to herself. and contends herself rubbing a silk cloth.

    how she walks up straight.

    how shes not afraid to attack people in public.

  125.  #125Daria on May 13, 2010 at 3:18 am

    i wish Erika offered her HBR for free.

    well im on my own. well as far as that. i feel resentful. thats another topic right?

    or no

    either way

    i have people to help me

    i can gather my resources.

    i have an acupuncture woman whos helping me for free

    i have parents and a house i live in for free

    i have free air!

    i have free birdsong in my yard

    i have free internet! (well i dont pay for it)

    i have free feelings.

    and free body

    thank u

    that is nice

    i have free sorrows!

    free heartbreak

    free possibility of making more people

    out of my middle of my body



    that feels reassuring

  126.  #126Daria on May 13, 2010 at 3:20 am

    i think that EFT worked!! i seriously feel much less controlling than i am used to feeling in this situation in the past.

    and theres still a part 2

    i have free hearing

    i have free EFT!

    i have free imagination

    i can use the genius symbols

    what would be fun is to start going to muay thai classes and practice and THEN whoop somebodys ass

    so that ill be so good that they will like give up

    id love to be that person that twists someones arm behind their back and they give up, no more fight needed

    that would rock

  127.  #127Tallgirl10 on May 13, 2010 at 4:23 am

    ok, now I feel worried.

    We have good banter, and he kept coming back. I still don’t know how not to respond.

    Me at 10 am – Shhh, that is a secret (in response to his saying I am a lawbreaker)

    Him at noon – I’ll keep your secret… for a price

    Me at 3:30 – Ohhhh, Realllllly? I await your terms on friday. (I had hoped the conversation was over until I see him at friday)

    Him at 5:30 – I have a few things in mind already. I hope you can handle them

    Me at 9:30 – Oh, I can handle it. Let the negotiations begin

    HELP!!!!!!! I am feeling much to available. I never know when not to respond, it is like a compulsion. Was their a point to end this? I know this a lot of mental energy, and as I said, I am triggered around saying goodbye and ending things.

    I am busy enough, it is not like he thinks I am sitting around for him, but still


  128.  #128Tallgirl10 on May 13, 2010 at 4:27 am

    Am I leaning forward? I don’t feel like it. In fact, I feel like with the negotiations comment, he is being alerted in a fun way that I won’t do just anything……

    Mentally, I am overfunctioning right now because I am thinking about this instead of just waiting until friday.

    I now feel fearfull of running him away. I am nervouse and anxious because of one text. That is a bit much huh? Triggered.

    Trick is to be prepared to not expect any fruition. Texting is fun for fun. The date will be fun for fun. That is all.

    I am loving the tools here, but I am still fearful.

  129.  #129Jennifer on May 13, 2010 at 5:08 am

    I’m supposed to have a date on Friday with J. He did not call me. However I got a call from G…his representative. Really?
    Dude is like 35 and too shy to call me? I feel annoyed about that. G kept telling me how shy his friend is. I dont’ care really. I don’t wanna be understanding.
    So, since my friend set it up, I’m going to go. I’m trying to look at it as an adventure. Like this dude may have a message for me.
    But really, I feel turned off. Is that fair? I dunno.
    I want to date men.
    I want a DAMM.

  130.  #130Ankita on May 13, 2010 at 5:14 am

    Hello Everyone,

    I have a FEELING MESSAGE question

    Today I was talking to a guy on phone.

    After general hi, hello…
    He, “You are sounding li’l upset? What’s up?”
    Me, “I felt bad about the last time we talked.”

    (He did say something which I didn’t like last time. He was giving me unnecessary advice, when I didn’t ask for it. I just wanted him to listen, not to comment on it or try to solve. Was interrupting me and was justifying his point. Was trying to change my way of thinking. )

    He, “Why? What did I say?”

    I felt stuck. Am new in using FEELING messages and I didn’t knew what to say to him…???? I just went silent at that moment.

    How should I tell him about something I felt bad but still don’t blame him??

    Because he directly thought that am blaming him when he asked what did he say..

    Every comment is more than appreciated…!!
    Plz help me with feeling messages…!! 🙂

  131.  #131Tallgirl10 on May 13, 2010 at 5:26 am


    He has every right to feel punished. It sounds like you were actually punishing him, and very passive agressively. And you actually were blaming him for interupting you and giving advise you did not want. Then, you showed him behavior and then did not explain why you were doing it which shows you are not in control of your emotions.

    Remember, communication has a large component of when people are able to recieve your message.

    You should tell him something, but when he is ready to listen, maybe over a glass of wine. Men don’t like to be hijacked at the beginning of a conversation. And men like to solve problems, not keep talking about them. This is a big difference to women.

    You are totally legitimate to say “I wanted to talk to you about our conversation last time. I felt a bit frustrated because I was trying to vent to you, and how we interacted felt like there was a lot of interuption and advise given that I was unable to receive well. I would like to make sure we communicate better. From now on, when we speak, I will make it clear if I need advise or for you to listen. What do you think?”

    Might that work better for you?

  132.  #132mackenzie on May 13, 2010 at 6:57 am

    Mary, I have a guy that all he does is send me sweet messages about birds and sunshine. I responded once or twice but stopped. He never asked about me or anything. What the heck? It felt feminine energy to me….like if we were ever going to talk about anything meaningful I would have to initiate it. I keep remembering the advice to only consider how a man makes you feel. If you are frustrated, not good.

    Tallgirl, the texting is ok unless you are doing it for HIM and not for yourself. Totally understand where you are (fearful, worrying about it) but hey girl, you have to stop!!! You are the goddess and it doesn’t matter what he thinks or what he is going to do. There is always another man, probably a better one, around the corner. If you are feeling good, great. If not, next guy please. (I am saying this as much for you as for me :-)).

  133.  #133mackenzie on May 13, 2010 at 7:15 am

    Something I just found on texting…

    Texting Can Ruin a Budding Relationship
    The biggest problem with texting is it is way too easy, always at your fingertips,
    and everyone is texting a mile a minute without editing themselves. The best way
    not to blow it with him is “Don’t Initiate.” Let him text you, then you respond.
    Have fun with it, be playful, respond, but don’t text him unless he’s texted you
    first. You don’t want to run the risk of him thinking you’re a pest, clingy, needy, or
    moving in on him too fast. So, like a lot of other things in life, better to err on the
    side of not enough than too much. And all the above advice about emails applies to

  134.  #134Lynn on May 13, 2010 at 7:53 am

    Daria ( comment #5- guywhohadababy)

    I know exactally how you feel. I too had a guy who was all this too me growing up and into adulthood. We lost touch when we were 20. I got married and he got married but all along we should have married eachother. IF..and thats the key here..if I had known then what I’m learning now. I pushed him so far out of the picture and then mourned him being gone. Wonder what’s are a b**** but I married a wonderful man who has been nothing but loving and wonderful to me..and I do love him VERY much…but why does this boyIlovedsomuch still crop up into my mind….I think I’m going crazy. Is it possible to love two men at the same time..idk and maybe I don’t love my boyilovedsomuch anymore if I knew him now…. I miss him terribly.. matter of fact I was thinking to myself last night “if I could just call him and ask him about my husband and Rori’s tools and such…” I think I miss his friendship the most

  135.  #135Simply Shannon on May 13, 2010 at 7:55 am

    Ankita: I felt frustrated the last time we talked. It feels good to have someone listen to me, but I don’t want advice unless I ask for it. What do you think?

    Or just go with what you were feeling at that moment. You could literally have said “I feel stuck. I felt upset the last time we talked but I don’t want to blame you for how I was feeling. What do you think?”

    Tallgirl: I’m beginning a new rule for myself because texting can get out of control. Unless someone is asking me for a response, I don’t respond. I love doing the joking/flirting banter thing but sometimes it feels annoying, like when are you going to actually talk to me. Ya know? Like this is all fun but very surface. I want to get to know you. And I’m giving you bits of me all throughout the day instead of giving you a chance to miss me and think of me. Basically I want to respond when I really feel happy to do so. I don’t want to respond because I feel afraid that he’ll think I’m not interested if I don’t. If the 1st thing that pops into my head is “eck, should I respond?” the answer is probably no I should not respond.

  136.  #136Simply Shannon on May 13, 2010 at 7:58 am

    Jennifer: That would feel weird. His friend called for him? Haha! I feel amused. “I’ll have my people call your people.” That’s a trip!

  137.  #137Simply Shannon on May 13, 2010 at 7:59 am

    And Jennifer: Anything happen with Major Man? I feel a little weird putting him on your radar if he’s not right in front of you but ah hell… I feel curious.

  138.  #138Simply Shannon on May 13, 2010 at 8:02 am

    Daria: I feel bad for you. I was married to an alcoholic. I felt helpless. I felt ANGRY. For my own safety, I had to back off. I had to let him find his path. It is a brutal way to learn that you really cannot control or change another person.

  139.  #139mary on May 13, 2010 at 8:06 am

    thank you mackenzie. very helpful. this stuff is hard to see from the inside out. i’m not wanting a feminine energy guy. i’m wanting a man…

    but at what price?

    dating takes so much energy! and time. and it’s an emotional roller coaster.

    two of my girlfriends prayed and then immediately hooked up with people from their past and got married. their marriages are stellar.

    i’m gonna switch my focus. just work on my career for now. gather up my friends again.

    maybe have a party!

    yes. that makes me happy.

  140.  #140Rachel on May 13, 2010 at 8:08 am


    Please do not contact him! I found my high school sweetheart about two years ago and made contact. And wow… what a journey of pain, longing and frustration. Yes, we both still have strong feelings for each other, but life situations do not allow us to be together.

    I, too, thought about him all the time. I thought if I could just get some answers, just know how he was doing, just be his “friend,”….. but our relationship has turned both of our lives upside down. Honestly, if I could go back, I’d live with the questions. They were less painful.

    You say that you love your husband very much. Please hold onto that. Trust me… contacting this other man will shake your marriage to its core. It isn’t worth losing what you have for what “might be.”

    Have you seen the movie “Dear John?” In it, the two lovers find a way to honor what they’ve shared without disrupting her marriage. This is something you can do in your own heart. Celebrate the gifts this young man gave you. Carry the lessons with you. Trust that he was in your life for a reason … BUT that things turned out the way they were supposed to.

    I didn’t do this and I’ve had to live with the consequences. I hope you won’t think I’m scolding you… I truly do understand your longings and memories. But i just want to spare you the upheaval and suffering that I’ve been through.


  141.  #141Rachel on May 13, 2010 at 8:11 am

    Oh… and yes, it is possible to love two men at the same time, but it wreaks havoc on your heart. I don’t know all the answers for handling your feelings toward your high school love… I wish I did. But I caution you from opening the lid. It’s pretty impossible to put it back on once everything pops out!

  142.  #142mary on May 13, 2010 at 8:15 am

    Hmmmm… Rachel, that was beautiful.

    Just curious, since I think my old flame might just be THE ONE, would you recommend never to get with someone from the past?

    Two of my friends just married people that they knew long ago, and they’re both very happy.

  143.  #143Tallgirl10 on May 13, 2010 at 8:20 am

    Thanks ladies.

    I have not been initiating, I have only been responding, as you can see. And it has been fun and flirty.

    Also, we have a date scheduled, so I am not upset that he has not called me. It has all been pre-date banter. Regardless, I feel like I prefer to have him call going further….

  144.  #144mackenzie on May 13, 2010 at 8:27 am

    Tallgirl, as long as you are having fun. I think the flirtiness can build the pre date suspense if you do it right and not do it too much. Just don’t want you fretting over him. Distract yourself til the date.

  145.  #145Siena on May 13, 2010 at 8:53 am

    Jennifer, you are in the “Adventures of Dating” miniseries. It feels amusing that he had his friend call you, what a trip! I would feel annoyed too – but def come back here and tell us all about it! I love stories!!


    “I want to have a heart to heart, but scared I’ll be hurt again.”

    THAT’S exactly what Siren Island is for! To strengthen your heart so that it’s soft on the outside and rock solid on inside, so that you can express strong emotions without being hurt by them!

    The more you do it, the stronger you become!

    When I came here in January, I was afraid to even express the simplest emotions (if I could even find them in the first place). Now, dozens of CDs later, I find myself speaking feeling messages everywhere, being really bold, and communicating in a way with men that they really really dig. It happened really fast!

    A good first step would be to post your imaginary heart to heart convo here, using feeling messages… get it all out!

    Love Siena

  146.  #146Simply Shannon on May 13, 2010 at 8:54 am

    Mary, I get the same thing with Mr. Fab Kisser as you get with Island Man!! Drives me batty. Emails with details about his day and just lists and nonsense and no inquiring about me. His emails feel boring to me. And I’m learning now that when I feel uninterested in replying, I just don’t reply. He’ll contact me if he wants to talk to me. Even if I love him, I don’t have to treat him any different than a guy I’m just getting to know. This new attitude has cut down on our interactions and I feel okay with that. Better to have silence than to have an email that just pisses me off. 🙂

  147.  #147Siena on May 13, 2010 at 8:56 am

    Tinque! I have to tell you!! I took my first ballet class yesterday in 15 years!! I could still do it! My body absolutely amazed me!

    At one point, when we moved to the center, I started to get chills as I was dancing. I didn’t have to even think about it, my body remembered!

    Is it possible to feel awed by your own body? Because I kind of do. It was an out-of-body experience for me, as if my body was another person and was thanking me for bringing it back to the studio!

    Of course, I have miles and miles to go before I even approach anywhere near what I would consider “good” ballet – but I did it! Yay!

  148.  #148Simply Shannon on May 13, 2010 at 8:56 am

    As for past lovers, I say proceed with caution. We broke up for a reason. It feels so easy to romanticize all the good times and not consider that the man (and me) are completely different people now. Gosh, even thinking about who I was in high school gives me the shivers. LOL! Why would I think a relationship that was fun back then with the “old me” would feel good for the “new me”?

  149.  #149Simply Shannon on May 13, 2010 at 8:59 am

    Siena: That’s wonderful! I feel excited hearing you enjoyed the ballet class.

    Tonight I’m taking my first ever belly dancing class with a bunch of my girlfriends. I feel nervous. Eeek!

  150.  #150mary on May 13, 2010 at 9:08 am

    Yes, Simply Shannon.

    All of Island Man’s little saying nothing emails make me feel unimportant except as a person in his audience. You’re right; i’d rather not hear from him. It feels like he’s managing down my expectations.

  151.  #151Siena on May 13, 2010 at 9:10 am

    Shannon, FUN! I haven’t done belly dancing, but I have a friend who does, and she loves it! Tell us how it is!

    One guy even approached me after class and told me I had really good technique. I was like, “what, after 15 years!?”. But I smiled and thanked him.

    I really feel elated. My heart is singing!

  152.  #152mary on May 13, 2010 at 9:14 am

    The old flame feels like a best friend in some ways but when we were kids we were very attracted to each other. I don’t think that goes away, does it? Since I’ve cut communication with him (until he’s divorced), I’m seeing him in a different light.

    For one thing, logistics would be difficult.

    He travels. He’s gone three or four days a week. And he has three dogs. I’m allergic to dogs. And his kids are in Denver. My kids are in Texas. And I want to live and work in Canada.

    Hmmmm. Looks worse on paper.

  153.  #153mary on May 13, 2010 at 9:14 am

    maybe i don’t “just know.”

  154.  #154Siena on May 13, 2010 at 9:14 am

    hi Sarah! Well, definitely outgirl him – you’re the girl!

    It often happens that if you hang out here and work on the Siren stuff, the man magically re-appears. And then you will be able to open your heart and speak to him from there.

    He has to come to you. His “reward” for moving toward you is for you to show him your beautiful, authentic self – which is something he longs for. (Do you have Modern Siren?)

    And often, even if he doesn’t reappear, you find that you become really bored by him because you’ve met and had “heart to hearts” with many men in the meantime. And never given away more of yourself than you could replenish quickly. So his old baggage really becomes ho-hum.

  155.  #155Rachel on May 13, 2010 at 9:22 am


    No – I’m not saying that an old flame is never the “one.” But when the situation is such that you can’t be together, it can be more painful to know there are feelings and not be able to fully share them. The fact that Lynn is married is the reason why I said “Don’t go there!”

    As for me, I do love this man. I’m having to resign myself to wait for time and the Universe to move things into alignment IF we are to be together. It’s hard to wait. My heart hurts a lot.

    I’m CDing while I wait, but it doesn’t help as much as I’d like. I’m learning to live with the daily longings and receive the messages. Maybe someday things will be different for us. =-)

  156.  #156Jennifer on May 13, 2010 at 9:25 am

    Hey SS…
    Nothing happened with him. I was nervous when I thought he was gonna call…what would we talk about?
    I am a little dissapointed cause I wouldn’t mind another summer job, ya know?
    I feel worried that I will be out at that same bar with my money friend and shy guy and run into him.
    What would I say if I ran into him? Hmmmm….

  157.  #157Siena on May 13, 2010 at 9:52 am

    Sarah – yes.

    One Siren was found here, I think it was heartbeat. But think of the beauty of that!? You’re exposing your heart here – any guy who finds you here and reads what you’ve written will know your true heart. Which is what we strive for.

    It feels scary – but if it happens, it would be one of those “meant to be” things.

  158.  #158Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 10:49 am

    Daria, did you do the intro HBR when Erika was offering it for free? If so, I bet you could continue to do it yourself, following your intuition. <3

  159.  #159Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 10:53 am

    Mary, here’s what stood out to me in your comments about Island Man:

    “what to do? just flirt along with him? but i’m no good at it…”

    “I’m no good at it.”

    Then isn’t that about YOU rather than about HIM?

    Maybe the message is an invitation to you to open up more in that way so you can be “good at it.”

    What do you think?

  160.  #160Brenda on May 13, 2010 at 10:58 am

    Tallgirl, RE: #85 – I agree…I like it when a man takes my likes into consideration. Once I was asked, “So where would you like to go for lunch?” Just as I was opening my mouth, he said, “How about the buffet?” It was fine for me that he chose the place, but I resented it that he asked me and then didn’t even wait for me to answer.

    I believe there needs to be a final decision maker in a relationship. I want a man who cares what I think and how I feel, then makes a decision after we discuss it together. That feels right to me.

  161.  #161Brenda on May 13, 2010 at 11:02 am

    Rachel, RE: #87 – Congratulations! I’m glad your special weekend was beautiful for the two of you!!

    Now see how you are?? 🙂 You just had a beautiful weekend and you’re losing the joy of it by stressing all over again! Rather than focus on what you CAN’T have, focus on what you DO have, and what you JUST had!

    That’s coming from a woman who has spent most of her adult life longing to be with her man in prison.

    And I like Siena’s suggestion to CD, too. It’s healthy emotional development to be friends with different men.

  162.  #162Brenda on May 13, 2010 at 11:49 am

    Alicia, RE: #98 – Law of Attraction…The Secret

    AWESOME! I’m going to watch this video every day, too! Wonderful! Thanks!

  163.  #163Ankita on May 13, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    TallGirl10 and Shannon,

    Thanks for your response. Even I felt that he felt I am blaming him. When in fact, I didn’t mean to do it. I knew something was wrong, but couldn’t find the way to properly express it.

    Thanks for both of yours non- blaming feelings. Those are gonna help me a lot. Now atleast I know, how to tell him I felt bad without ‘actually blaming him.’

    Even I don’t like texting. My pals forward me those jokes, and in turn, if I feel like, I forward it to others too. But talking in texts, strict NO-NO. I don’t respond when someone says hi, etc. in text. Unless there’s a specific something I am asked, no response goes from my side.

    I remember, there was a guy, who used to crave so much about me, that I like you, can’t live without you, etc. But when I gave him my no., he never did call. I did also tell him that I don’t like texting, then he said, that ok, I will prove to you that I crave for you, I will call you.. Well.. It’s about to be 2 months now, and no calls. All he does is 1-2 texts jokes in a fortnight.

    Uff….. Am tired of texting and being texted. Now I want real talking and face-to-face meeting. If they can’t manage that, I think I better say next.

  164.  #164Apple Jacks on May 13, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    Hey Brenda, how does one get their hands on this video. I’ve been fascinated since it came out!

  165.  #165tinque on May 13, 2010 at 12:10 pm

    Siena – Oh that’s so awesome. be prepared to be sore…but it will feel so good.
    Technique never goes away. It’s the details, but it will all come back. Muscle memory which I know you know.

  166.  #166Tallgirl10 on May 13, 2010 at 12:12 pm


    It is all a journey. Glad you have sorted out and have some new communication tools.

    My guy texted me this morning with a sweet responce. I have decided not to respond until tmrw when I ask him the plan for tmrw night. Enough chit chat. He knows I am interested and I said yes for tmrw night.

    I feel excited about it!

  167.  #167Siena on May 13, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    Tinque, I am a little sore – esp in my hips. But it’s not half as bad as I thought it would be! Yay!

    So here’s my lesson for today – the men I am immediately attracted to are not the ones who are good for me. I feel so grateful for that lesson, thank you!

    I had a date scheduled for yesterday, and he tried to get me to come to him. I wouldn’t do it, so he asked me to lunch today instead (I already have dinner plans tonight). I said yes, and he said he’d call this morning to arrange it.

    Didn’t hear from him.

    I started to feel a little put out, but then I remembered – this is just a message! This is not my guy, he’s been brought here to show me that what I’m immediately attracted to isn’t good for me.

    …and the crazy thing is, when I went out with him the last time, I didn’t get the “message”. Now I do.

    Thank you for that lesson!

  168.  #168Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    Siena — I feel so happy for you — getting this message!

    “I started to feel a little put out, but then I remembered – this is just a message! This is not my guy, he’s been brought here to show me that what I’m immediately attracted to isn’t good for me.”

    I love the way you worded that — it really helps solidify the concept of circular dating for me. Thanks!

    I kinda wish it wasn’t called circular DATING. Having that word in my head throws me off a bit.

    It’s interesting that you didn’t get the message the first time you went out with him. I wonder… there are guys still contacting me who I am no longer dating (by my choice) — I wonder if the fact that they are still contacting me means there is another message they have for me….

  169.  #169Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    Alicia– did you ever subscribe to the paid content? I’m wondering if it might be worth it….

  170.  #170Siena on May 13, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    Lucy – this is my own little belief, and it’s not a Rori teaching, as far as I know…

    But I tend to believe that there are a finite number of messages out there for me to receive before I meet my guy. To that end, I am accepting dates with anyone who asks, and will continue to date them until I get the message.

    I would say – if it was me, and men were continuing to contact me, I would open up to them (either in convo or on a date) and listen for their message.

    And for me, remembering that this is therapy and about looking for messages, and not about meeting Mr. Right keeps me very sane. If I can keep that outlook, it doesn’t matter what he says/doesn’t say, if he calls/doesn’t call etc. I need help sometime understanding how I should respond to him, but I don’t worry so much about what he’s doing anymore.

    It feels very liberating, and I’m so grateful!

  171.  #171Siena on May 13, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    How’s this for manifesting money using LOA?

    Last night I wrote a list of all the things I was grateful for that happened that day. And then I wrote a list of things that were going to happen today in the present tense. One of the things I wrote was, “I receive an unexpected check.”

    Today in the mail, I received a $150 Nordstrom’s gift certificate from one of my clients. Just as a thank you! It’s not in payment for an invoice, and I didn’t expect it at all!

    I feel so grateful! I really do! Gratitude is pouring out of me! Yay God!

  172.  #172Apple Jacks on May 13, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    Siena – I feel jealous (in a good way), I’ve been wanting to take ballet forever. In Texas the colleges cost like $300 for classes and there’s very few institutions that have the classes for adults. It’s all for kids and teens! I was like, not all of us take ballet to become professionals. *GRRRR* Oregon and California were NEVER like this.

  173.  #173Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    Apple Jacks — I am taking my dance class through the Wellness offerings at our local hospital. I had the same problem you described in trying to find a class for adults. But something inspired me to check the hospital’s wellness listings online, and voila! just what I was looking for!

    It’s a great class, fabulous instructor, and most of the students are around my age. 🙂

  174.  #174Siena on May 13, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    AJ, maybe there’s a professional school around you, too. Those schools usually have adult classes as well.

    If you really want it, just start telling people around you that you do… inevitably it will show up!!

  175.  #175Apple Jacks on May 13, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    Lucy – Thanks! Way to think outside the box! 🙂

    Siena – Honest I have done what you said by telling people. What showed up were exotic dance classes, lol. I like those too. I’ll keep trying, though. 😉

  176.  #176Siena on May 13, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    hehe, AJ, exotic dancing sounds exciting!! I would love to try that! (I mean, not in a club, but in a studio where they teach it)

  177.  #177Apple Jacks on May 13, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    Siena – It looks like so much fun! I saw a Pole DAncing course and I was like, AAAAHHHHHH POLE DANCING!!! Hehe, it’s costly though. 🙁

  178.  #178Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    Siena — “To that end, I am accepting dates with anyone who asks, and will continue to date them until I get the message.”

    Are you doing online dating? I am on match, and there’s no way I could date everyone who asks, so I feel kinda confused…..

    I started out TRYING to say yes to anyone who asked, and quickly found that I did not want to spend time with certain types of men….

    So I decided that that was a message — “Say no to what I don’t want.”

    One guy who is still contacting me is the guy who turned me into his counselor but thinks he wants to marry me…. So, again, the message is “I don’t want a relationship where the guy needs me to ‘fix’ him.”

    Another one who keeps contacting me is the 25 year old. The message is “I don’t want a relationship with a man who is that much younger than me.”

    It seems that most of my messages have been about what I DON’T WANT.

    With TN man I have gotten tons of messages that have helped me heal a lot of family of origin issues.

    But from everyone else, I have gotten so many messages about what I don’t want, I feel eager for men to show up who have OTHER kinds of messages.

    Last week in church there was a new guy who appears to be a single dad. It is rare for new people to show up, especially middle age, cuz our church is tiny and has mostly retired people. And, I think this guy is kinda cute! And that is unusual too — I have not been attracted looks-wise to any of the guys I have dated since my marriage. There is an ascension day service tonight, and I am wondering if he will be there. Have to keep my cool though!

    Anyway, do you see anything I’m missing here, about finding the messages, etc.?

  179.  #179Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    In my dance class, we do yoga, pilates, ballet, modern, zumba, salsa, belly dancing, and sometimes chair dancing! It’s all so much fun!

  180.  #180Siena on May 13, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    hmmm, Lucy – two things immediately jump out on me. Do either of these resonate with you?

    1) Could it be that the men who are still contacting you are doing so because they believe there’s still a chance with you? I mean, did you leave the door open at all for them? In an attempt to let them down nicely, did you not tell the “whole” truth and therefore leave the door open?

    2) Could there be more than 1 message? “What I don’t want” is kind of a broad thing. For me, I already KNOW with a lot of the guys that I don’t want them/what they’re offering. But I go anyway and listen for a deeper message. When I know I don’t want them, it makes it easier for me to sit there and have deep heart-to-heart conversations with them. Because I’m not attracted and so not at all worried about protecting myself.

    And doing it this way has brought a ton of healing, growth and learning! They’ve each triggered me in a certain way, and it’s been related to something in my past that I need to heal. So it gets triggered, I heal and move on. It’s fantastic!

    As long as I don’t say or do anything that indicates to them that I am more invested or interested in them than I am, I feel good using these men as therapists.

    …and yes, I’m on Match.

  181.  #181Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    Thanks so much for responding, Siena.

    1) I have told the 25 yo a thousand times that he is too young for me, and I have told the other guy that I don’t want a relationship with someone in his situation (not exact words) … but I do continue to be “friends” with them online by responding (only when I feel like it) to their fb chats. It seems that the more I say I’m not interested, the more they want to chase me….ya know, that whole hard to get siren diva goddess thing. My daughter says that the fact that I will talk to them on fb chat makes them think there is still hope for them, even when I tell them there is not. Do I have to not be friends with them or what?

    2) When I try to do what you described here — go out with them, have heart to hearts, when I know I don’t want the guy — that DEFINITELY leads to the guy thinking he has a chance with me…..

    “As long as I don’t say or do anything that indicates to them that I am more invested or interested in them than I am”

    It seems that to the men, just going on a date with them “indicates to them that I am more invested or interested in them than I am”

    (my brother-in-law said to me, “Of course they think you’re interested — you’re going out with them!”)

    And then before I know it, they think I’m going to say yes to their marriage proposals!

    It’s like, I’m trying to use them as my therapists, but they didn’t get the memo, so they think I’m into them.

    The thing you wrote in the paragraph about being triggered and getting healing, growth, etc. — that’s what has happened again and again with TN man — TONS of great healing and growth points, and it continues to be that way still — but he is the only one who has really brought out any deep stuff in me.

    There WAS one guy who started to remind me of my ex-h, and that was good to be able to recognize it and realize that I truly am over that and don’t want whatever it was that attracted me to that in my ex.

    What do you think?

  182.  #182mackenzie on May 13, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    Since I am a little new to CDing…I have a different kind of question. I have met someone that I actually do like and might be a mr probable but I am not thinking ahead too much and using all the tools. He is completely crazy about me and soooo worried about who else I am going out with. He says I will get confused sampling too many desserts at a time, he sent me flowers last Friday when he thought I had another date and tells me to have a fun time tonight on nights we don’t go out. It’s making him crazy. The old me wants to put him out of his pain soon since I like him back and actually might not want to date anyone else anyway. Can I really keep this up for a long time? What if I fall in love? I think his next step is to get angry as he feels he is the only one “in like” in our budding relationship if I still want to see other people.

  183.  #183Daria on May 13, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    Mackenzie – I had this happen (somewhat) to me too… this is GREAT!!!

    Rori says that when he gets angry… this is GREAT!!!

    however, no we don’t give in. what we really want is a proposal and ring, so we tell him that

    though we like him very much, and love being around him on our dates, we don’t feel comfortable being exclusive and shutting down our dating options until there is a serious commitment with marriage on the table and a proposal and ring

    i feel like I “lost” the guy i told my speech too, but the truth is…

    what was I gonna do with him being his girlfriend??

    the same thing i do dating, BUT huge BUT it would then STALL!!!

    because there is now no happily ever after i’m moving towards

    i want to get married! i want to have a ring! i want to be pursued to it…

    and there’s no need for me close my options until i have what i want

    a man who wants me would break down every wall… if he leaves cuz i won’t give him what he wants, which is a marriage like relationship without the actual BIG DEAL of marriage… then… he didn’t want me enough, or couldn’t do it

    this is pretty big stuff… and i know you’ll see yourself

  184.  #184lynn on May 13, 2010 at 5:49 pm


    Oh how we need to talk. I opened that box..pandora’s box…about 9 months ago thru FB. It started out innocent at first..the whole how are you’s , tell me about yourself..then that went in to reminissing about old times. It got serious quickly and I was leaning back and using the tool without even realizing what I was doing. My marrige has been stressed for about 2 years now but this just confussed me even more. I have always loved this old guy. I think I was 6 when I knew he was mine. We lost our virginity to eachother and were first loves. We broke up my senior year and after I graduated I meet my husband…i was rebounding and to be honest..he reminded me of my first love..alot. We dated for over a year and I was liking him but loving the other one. I found out my first love was also dating someone, for a while..and I slept with my husband- he was only my second. I got pregnant shortly after and its all history. When my first love and I were talking about how we felt back then..he told me i was his first love and he just didnt know how i felt back then. I saw him only took once to figure out all the same chemistry is still there between scared both of us…we agreed to not talk thru emails just cant happen and it is enevitable it seems to become alot more between us. I told my husband all this a couple weeks ago..and he said he was ok as long as it was never physical..i said it wasnt but it could have been..but it was intimate and he said he loves me and is willing to work at our marriage. He’s a hero and i know i am sooo lucky to have him but i am in love with my first love and i thinl i always will be.

  185.  #185Siena on May 13, 2010 at 6:03 pm

    Hi Lucy,

    I “think” (hehe) your daughter’s 100% right!

    For me, there’s a difference between “I’m interested enough to date you and I’m interested enough to really get serious with you.” I’m interested in the guys I’m not attracted to, but only for a short period of time. Guys know that… It’s just dating, and dating contains a lot of rejection!

    Have you asked the guys who are still pursuing why they are? (I even do that, LOL).

    “I feel weird asking this, but… Why are you calling me?”

    I asked that and the guy said he wanted to be my friend. I told him I really wasn’t interested in friendship, and that opened a convo about what I needed in a man. It was very good for me to communicate that.

    I dunno, maybe there’s something deeper that is waiting to be discovered?

  186.  #186Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    Boo hoo, Cute Guy was not in church tonight. 🙁

    Those guys who are still contacting me…. I guess they are kinda pushing against my boundaries or something….But, how do I FEEL? Let’s see…

    25 yo — Oh, I feel flattered. Hehe. That’s the first thing that came to mind. I also feel…. hmmm…amused (in a good way). And I feel… tempted to have sex with him. And I feel . .. frustrated that HE is pursuing me so hard but the guy I WANT is NOT. When I’m fb chatting with him I feel kinda happy, a little bit. It’s kinda fun. But not all that much fun. But I enjoy it a little. Okay, I feel frustrated that he is pursuing me so hard and he is a guy I don’t want, and there is not a guy I DO want pursuing me.

    So, in summary, with 25 I feel flattered, amused, tempted, frustrated, kinda happy.

    So, what message does he have for me?

    I don’t know.

  187.  #187Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    Oh, I didn’t see you wrote something Siena!

  188.  #188Siena on May 13, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    One of the reasons I’d like to see M again is because I don’t feel I got his message. I feel certain I’ll see him again, and it’s just a matter of time. He’s a good guy, I feel so much gratitude that he’s in my life. 🙂

  189.  #189Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    “Have you asked the guys who are still pursuing why they are?”

    25 says it is because he is trying to change my mind. He wants me for ANYTHING I will give him — friends only, fwb, sex only, casual dating, serious dating, etc.

    Bad Poet (that’s what I’ll call the other guy) — he may have finally gotten the message; last time I told him flat out that I will NOT marry him, ever, no matter how much he gets “better.” That made him cry. Seriously. He claims I am the most wonderful, amazing woman he has ever met, and that is why he wants to “change” to be the man I want. He has apparently deluded himself into believing that if he changes enough I will want him.

    I probably respond to 25’s chats because it’s kinda fun sometimes if I am in the mood to mess around with him.

    I respond to Bad Poet’s chats because, okay, I guess it feels good to have a guy say all those great things about me — but I’m not at all into him. Plus, I really am able to help him a lot with his issues (he keeps telling his therapist what I tell him and his therapist says, “she’s right.”)


    It seems that maybe I am USING them!

    Not to bolster my self-esteem, cuz that’s already pretty good, but… just to feel good. To be admired and stroked.

    I don’t want to spend time with them, but if I can get some good feelings for a few minutes on fb, sure, I’ll do that. Eww. I don’t know how I feel about that!

    Eww, this feels weird. What does it mean?

  190.  #190Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    Good job with the gratitude on that one, Siena. 🙂

    Is M “The Man”? I probably asked you that before, but I don’t remember. Sorry!

  191.  #191Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    I feel so much gratitude that TN man is in my life. 😀

    I feel gratitude that tomorrow he is going to invite me to come visit him. 😀

    I should probably give him a new name that supports the fact that he is no longer in TN, and is indeed closer now.

  192.  #192mary on May 13, 2010 at 6:54 pm

    Hello Rachel,

    I think we’re in the same boat then! Kind of waiting for the stars to align so we can see if it works with old flames. (I still think it will.)

    Meanwhile, Lucy,

    Thank you for the wakeup call about being flirty. Yes I can! Yes I will.

    I have a date tonight so I’ve gotta go! This one is gonna be fun tonight. I think I’ll like this guy a lot! I’ll be leaning back, leaning back…

    Wish I had more time to blog with you sirens!

  193.  #193mary on May 13, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    continuing on from 189 and 190:

    mackenzie, i agree with daria!

    another reason to not be his girlfriend is to not have the drama of a breakup! (as in Rori’s recent post.) if it doesn’t work out, you’ll still be seeing other people, so you’ll have dates to look forward to, and possibilities (even though your heart might not be in them), but if you become the girlfriend, you end your availability. you end the momentum you’ve created by being out there. (and that takes so much energy!) and you have to start over. that’s lonely business. i don’t want to ever do that again. this way, there is no breaking up to do because there was no getting exclusive. it’ll just be less and less dates (i imagine…) which would be less painful and less dramatic than suddenly going cold turkey and never seeing him again (the route i took, regretfully…)

    wishing you well!

  194.  #194mary on May 13, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    i’m getting my groove back.

    it has to do with making strides in my career. i’m noticing that when i make huge efforts for ME, i feel great! i feel ecstatic! i feel magnanimous and my face glows.

    i went to my first interview with a potential firm today. already received three emails from the managing broker (of course, they want everyone!), and i’m organizing and reorganizing everything else around working… getting super geared up! feels great.

    no more lost in the forest! the clouds have cleared and i’ve located the north star.

    moving forward…

  195.  #195Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    But I’m not really using them, am I, since I have told them the truth about my interest level?

  196.  #196Daria on May 13, 2010 at 7:44 pm

    Lucy –

    this “using” them Rori talks about… to reframe it as a positive thing.

    As in… it’s GREAT to “USE” men this way… to receive from them…

    when you RECEIVE… the stroking the attention… then you are ALLOWING Them what they want… to worship a Goddess. this is GOOD FOR THEM!

    It makes them happy!! It makes them Better men! It inspires them to be BETTER MEN even if they’re not with you, for the Goddess they will eventually be with!!

    since you are being honest with them, there is no “negative” to using…

    I think Rori adressed this in a e-letter… or was it Targeting… I forget… I felt so good reading it!

    Men love to be USED this way!! it makes them feel manly! it fulfills them!

    They want to worship at your altar! Do Goddesses say, no sorry woshippers who adore me, you cannot leave me garlands of flowers, or food, or praises…???

    NO! they accept them and making the Goddess smile makes men feel like they have fulfilled their manly role!!

    and in turn, the Goddess gives back by gifting them with her feelings, and her honesty…

  197.  #197mary on May 13, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    mmmmmmm… i love this daria.

    (i’m eavesdropping here!)

    more talk like this!

    this helps me so much.

  198.  #198mackenzie on May 13, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    Daria, thank you!! that all makes sense….are you saying though that you lost your guy over giving him the I don’t want to be a girlfriend speech?

    Mary, thank you for the reminder about CDing meaning you never have to “break up” again. We are all just dating until we are “engaged” I hate the cold turkey painful breakup. Good point!!!!

    BUT, I’m pretty sure at some point he is going to have a major hissy fit over me still dating other people if we supposedly really like each other. I get the answers you wonderful sirens gave me; I’m just musing/worrying out loud. He takes it as a sign I am not serious about him and he pretty much wants that.

  199.  #199Daria on May 13, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    Mackenzie – you AREN’T serious about him (you don’t want to pressure the relationship) until he’s serious about you and relationship = MARRIAGE PROPOSAL AND RING!!

    however, explaining to him is not the idea (turns into a Thinky argument)

    but rather stick to feeling messages and truth for you when sharing with him about this…

  200.  #200Tallgirl10 on May 13, 2010 at 8:00 pm

    Uhhhhh – I disagree with Daria – men don’t like being used. I don’t suggest you use people. It hurts men as much as women.

    However, men do like to please women, so as long as you are honest, and they want to continue to give, then what you are going is fine, that is not using.

  201.  #201Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 8:00 pm

    Daria!!! Thank you SO MUCH! This is brilliant!!!!!

    I didn’t even think of it that way before.

    What a terrific message!

    I can RECEIVE from men even if I don’t want to date them.

    I am GOOD for men, even if I am not dating them.

    Being ME is GOOD for MEN.

    It FEELS really GOOD to write those things and to believe them!

    And both guys are really great for me to practice feeling messages with…very easy to do with them and I do it all the time . . . and honesty too. I am brutally honest with them. GREAT PRACTICE for when I finally find someone I DO like a lot!

    Haha. 25 always starts convos with me by saying “Hi sexy” or “hi beautiful” …. Next time he does that I will tell him, “It would feel great to hear ‘hi goddess divine” lol!

    Thank you so much, Daria! I finally got their messages! And thank you, Siena, too, for instigating this search. 🙂

  202.  #202mackenzie on May 13, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Daria, omg, thank you for the reminder on using feeling messages!!! How could I forget that basic thing!!!! I told him I wasn’t looking for a fling, etc. He got pissy and said he wasn’t either. Would have been way better with the feeling messages. good grief at me. I just looked at my message to him and it sounded preachy. Now I feel bad. But all I can do is learn and try to better next time. I’m so glad you guys are here to help.

  203.  #203Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    I am GOOD for men.

    That almost makes me cry!

    There must have been some deep part of me that didn’t believe that. That’s what it feels like. I know my ex-h did not think I was good for him. At least not while we were together.

    My brother-in-law, at Christmas time, was randomly singing my praises, and of course it ticked off my sister a bit, but, really, what he was saying to me was…..

    “You are GOOD for men.”

    I am good for men. 🙂

  204.  #204mackenzie on May 13, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    Tallgirl, I can relate to what you are saying too. I feel like that is what he is telling me….”don’t use me”. He’s afraid of that. That’s why I’m on this blog trying to sort it out.

  205.  #205Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    It may seem silly, cuz it should have been so obvious to me all along, but this has caused a HUGE SHIFT inside me!!!

    I have a completely different perspective now about 25 and Bad Poet. Oh, I don’t want to call one of my worshippers Bad Poet! Okay, I will call him …. something else.

  206.  #206EarthDancer on May 13, 2010 at 8:12 pm

    Hi Tallgirl:

    I feel empathetic with your feelings regarding “using” a man, but Daria is right – Rori teaches that as long as we are honest, men LOVE to give to us and it is not using at all 🙂 that they understand until they put marriage on the table, they are just ‘kicking the tires’ so to speak and we owe them NOTHING 🙂

  207.  #207Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    “I am good for men” gives me a different perspective on TN man too!

    (I will call him Getting Closer Man since he is no longer in TN.)

  208.  #208Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    Mackenzie…. ‘I feel like that is what he is telling me….”don’t use me”. He’s afraid of that.’

    I wonder if he has a “message” for you around that, if you do the “turnaround”….

    Is a part of you saying to anyone, “Don’t use me”?

    “He’s afraid of that” …. turn around: “I’m afraid of that.”

    Just a thought. <3

  209.  #209EarthDancer on May 13, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    Dear Daria,

    THANK U!! for the reminder of this! Beautifully said 🙂 xoxo

    Lucy: Yay! for you 🙂 I’d forgotten too that I am GOOD for men … i feel happy remembering that and not so tight in my chest when I feel afraid I don’t want to date them…Yay! for Getting Closer Man who will invite you tomorrow 🙂 I feel excited for you !

  210.  #210EarthDancer on May 13, 2010 at 8:29 pm


    I feel hopeful tonight your date was FANTASTIC! I hope you had a wonderful time 🙂

  211.  #211Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    Thanks, Earthdancer! I feel smiley and encouraged by your words!

  212.  #212Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    Haha, guess what???

    A guy who might actually be of interest to me just emailed me from the dating site, and his screen name is Sunny Dayz Ahead. 😀

  213.  #213Daria on May 13, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    YAy! I come back to the blog and theres lots of yays!! yay!!

    Mackenzie – i “lost” him as in he seems to have pulled away… though he was pulling away before…

    see a part of me didnt think he could totally make me happy at this time… he has no car or job and … we were falling in love

    so i think he’s working on getting a car now and he’ll be back

    he didn’t totallly go away he texted me that he still cares about me a few days ago

    i felt heartbroken a day, better, then heartbroken again… then much much better

    overall i feel happy

    i think this means im getting better and more intense practice

    i love him and am totally open to him coming back when he does with what i want

    if i had told him i would be exclusive… it wouldn’t have been true… tho i easily could have stopped seeing other men for now… because i felt so attracted and good and loved with him…


    he had no car (i would have had to drive most of the time even tho hes only 15 min away)

    and no job – no fancy dates

    and i thought i could possibly be pregnant… how would we have started our family financially???

    i felt unsafe in these ways… and there’s nothing to do about that except lean back and then he can show up with them when he’s ready

    i THINK that men feel VERY UNCOMFORTABLE when they think they can’t make us happy… ie they dont have what we want (like car or financial possibility in this case) …

    they feel like inadequate and so they withdraw, or else try to make me wrong, or whatever…

    once they have those things they no longer feel insecure and come back to show us and woo us

    its almost like they cant take it to be around us when they dont have what it takes to fully please us — they dont feel like a man and on an subconscious level it must feel humilitating

    thats waht i think…

    what i’ve noticed is that men will pull away when they can’t meet my basics…

    and i’ve had men in teh past call me like… I HAVE A CAR NOW!!!

    i feel reassured that in my experience men come back and contact me

    even when i tell them no, they still come back

    “BIG GUY” even messaged me the other day saying “you should be my girlfriend”

    now i see that i felt turned off since i had told him from the beginning i dont want to be a girlfriend

    but anway! (i didnt answer)

  214.  #214Siena on May 13, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    Lucy, re #197 – you totally called me on it! I was doing a LOA experiment. I know I can’t manipulate like that. I’ll stop.

    It’s just, the last 2 days on this blog, I’ve mentioned 2 men and praised them, and they both called me out of the blue. I was trying to recreate that.

    Oh well, it doesn’t work if you try to force it LOL!

  215.  #215Lucy on May 13, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    LOL, Siena! 🙂

  216.  #216Daria on May 13, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    Tall Girl –

    i don’t think people feel good being “used” in the negative sense of the word… and what I got from Rori was a release of this word from it’s negative meaning.

    for example.. i love to be “used” by my students for knowledge when i teach them (teaching is masculine energy)

    moms loved to be “used” by their infants for milk when breastfeeding

    men love to be “used” for their attention – THATS WHY THEY GIVE IT –

    and all they want back is APPRECIATION! which we give to them with smiles, thankyous, feeling messages ( a true look in our hearts OMG) and truth

    so its not the negative “using” that has the dishonest as in lying to someone behind their back connotation – that the word has come to mean

    i feel whirlwindy passionate about this because many of us women get stuck in guilt by having these thoughts of “using”

    and its pretty prevalent

    and sometimes men will even use (haha pun) this against women! like ohhh you’re using me… this to me feels like an attack, and i feel furious — i feel so triggered when i think someone is guilt tripping me

    it’s impossible to deceptively and negatively “use” someone when you are telling them the deepest of truths about how you feel

    as in: you’re just using me for a free dinner!!!

    Goddess: i don’t feel sexually or romantically attracted to you right now, but it feels good to spend time with you, and i feel good around you. i really liked when we went to The Rose, i felt like such a lady

    man: would you like to go to dinner then? i just want to spend more time with you

  217.  #217Daria on May 13, 2010 at 8:57 pm

    my brother (sis’s babydaddy) thinks im mad at him cuz i told him he needs to talk to HER about the drinking instead of talking to ME all passionately (didn’t want him to lose all his steam)

    but im not mad at him

    and now he says he has an interview tomorrow


    thank you GOD!!

    and i texted my sis how i feel and love her…

    she seems mad and said bitch you need to holler at me

    i feel so happy with myself right now becuase

    i DON’T feel upset or crushed

    all i feel is

    “i really want to hear you even when you feel mad… and i dont want to be abused or called a bitch in a mean way. so i feel safer texting right now. and i love you”

    i haven’t even sent that yet.

    im SHOCKED and PLEASED that i feel so calm. like, im living MY LIFE and im TAKING CARE OF ME!!!

    (my sis has a habit of disrespecting people when she’s mad – she gets mad OFTEN – and i used to feel devastated when it was me … which wasn’t often)

  218.  #218Daria on May 13, 2010 at 8:58 pm

    My brother’s job is 16.75 an hour!!! thast freakin GREATTTTTT


    i want him to get it … get it brah get it … yay!!!

    i leaned back and he’s getting his own interviews!!!


    i feel scared!!


    i lvoe my fears!!!

  219.  #219Siena on May 13, 2010 at 10:10 pm

    Yay Daria! What you wrote to your sister was perfect! And your brother’s job… Awesome!

  220.  #220Daria on May 13, 2010 at 11:19 pm

    Hehe Thanks Siena… i havent actaully written that yet…

    Im feelin a lil feeling of dread imagining my sister like… turning against me and spreading rumours

    she probably thinks i told him that she has a new boyfriend.. which i told him im not gonna tell him…

    but im concerned about her drinking and i told him that…

    we both have been with her twice and seen her go thru this almost dying for so long


    help her

    i feel mad at her right now

    i dont feel like writing that piece to her right now

    i may just be imagining her doing these bad things about me but my imagination is got a hold of me and the icky feleing in my stomach i am learning to trust

    i will write her when it feels good to do so

    ive already written that i love her and i feel scared and respect her and i feel reassured that shes alive and want to see her happy
    that was the important part

  221.  #221mary on May 13, 2010 at 11:26 pm

    earth dancer! thank you. i had a great time! i’m experimenting. i’m back on my adventure path. i’m loving the different sides of Mary that are showing up. getting to know her better in every way!


    this is all so great.

    thanks for being with me in the lows.

    i’m coastering up now again…

  222.  #222Daria on May 13, 2010 at 11:28 pm

    Yay Mary!

  223.  #223mary on May 13, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    i really do believe it’s because i’m being proactive about my job.

    isn’t that just silly?

    but true! i mean, i’m doing it. i’ve been really submissive all my life, letting the man make all the decisions, leaning back, leaning back, and all of that comes so naturally to me.

    what doesn’t come naturally is the bitchy side of diva, the selfish side, the taking care of Mary side, and it’s the side that guys seem to love!

    what a revelation.

    what’s good for me is good for them, too.

    i love it.

    thank you Rori!

    thank you Daria for the tireless interpretations. you really do have a gift for teaching! i’m sure you’re very good at your job.

    and thank you sirens.

    here’s cheers to the incredible lightness of being.

  224.  #224Daria on May 14, 2010 at 12:14 am

    yay mary. yoru feeling happy is helping me.

    so i finally texted my sister that… and she calls… and now shes yelling just like i thought…

    and shes talking about you can lose my number whatever

    shes mad i told her babydaddy about her drinking… and so what if she had a lil wine on her birthday


    i want her to live

    but i hung up on her fast

    i didnt stay to feel bad.


    well. i don’t know. maybe she means it and she doesnt want to fuck with me no more.

    at least my Godson got my name as his middle name.

    i know theres nothin wrong with me doing everything i can to try to help her live

    me and my godbrother love her

    and im thru with letting people abuse me even her

    i used to let her get away with hit cuz i knew it was her “flaw” and because i wanted so bad to have a friend, and have a safety network and she was it

    now shes calling me like 5 times in a row. im feelin worried that she has been drinking now

    i hope not tho. maybe not. but dang. ud think a person would realize that youre caring about them when you dont want them to drink.

    she might be mad but callin me all those times. im not even gonna listen to those messages

    she was a good friend so far

    it feels weird but it seems easy to let people go out of my life right now

    when they act mean and abusive

    even if i was very very close to them and love them very much

  225.  #225Daria on May 14, 2010 at 12:15 am

    i have no close girlfriends right now. i got one best friend and she lives in another state.. but i talk to her online everyday so that feels good.

    wait and i have another friend im tlaking to now!

    both of them are from this island!


  226.  #226Alicia on May 14, 2010 at 12:16 am


    Hi.. I didn’t subscribe to the Higher Awarwness paid content… Is it good? I’m sure it is totally worth it.. I love tools and.. the other awesome website I found but, also has paid content.. is Rori has articles posted from Dr. Marguet Paul and she is really special.. I did the free trial and gots years worth of information that cleared alot of things up.. in huge lightbulb ways… It’s soooo worth it. Every relationship is different.. I have my moments, but when some one is angry or whatever moody.. I’m like hmmmmmm that is about them.. Maybe I said something to trigger them but, I don’t have to engage. Beyond that… OMG why people lie or cheat or have amazing relationship and the pyschology behind it.. is all on there. Let me know more about higher awareness.. I love the emails I currently get..

  227.  #227Daria on May 14, 2010 at 12:18 am

    i always used to feel scared that my sister would say something like that to me. like that she doesnt want to be my friend any more. but she said she would… even if we got in a fight.

    but right now, i feel a lil heavy, but also pretty relaxed and chill and amused.

    i feel so strong with just Daria

    i thnk ive been feeling my emotional needs with my own love

    that feels pretty good

  228.  #228Daria on May 14, 2010 at 12:21 am

    i used to always feel guilty like – – maybe i HAVE to call her instead of text her for this… maybe shes right.. or i dono

    but now i just feel like… i have to take care of me. and still let her know

    how i feel

    about her and drinking

    and that i dont approve. and like rori says about the truth… if i dont say something… shes gonna delude herself that its ok.

    like the man that deludes himself that his bad behavior is ok if i dont say something

    and yes there is drama

    but i know (wow i feel impressed actually) that i know how to walk away from drama now

    i dont even have to listen to her messages, if i think they will feel bad.

    i can erase them. im sure she can tell me important things when she feels calm.

  229.  #229Daria on May 14, 2010 at 12:23 am

    I am So not feeling guilty (NEW) i just did the EFT on overresponsibility! man!! before i even found out.. the angels were preparing me for it!

    i’ll let God deal with it in a GREAT way. I already AM doing the most I can do by letting her know clearly how i feel AND by taking care of myself

    going over there and beating her up would NOT work

    me being consistently clear about how i feel is the BEST thing i can do, and im DOING THAT!


    this feels different than it has before

    i feel so secure

  230.  #230Alicia on May 14, 2010 at 12:24 am

    Wow.. I feel like a new person today..

    I think I completed one round of healing over the past few weeks.. The more we receive the more stuff comes up to be processed and released. The funny thing is a little anger totally connects you to passion.. So, I don’t stuff it anymore.. There is a respectful way to handle it and my natural response is being improved ( I can “go there” like 0-90mph) sometimes. But, it’s nice to feel it and see what comes up later..
    This morning I was cracking up with my friend over text and I went to see Date Night which is really funny by the way… And I felt like my flirty fun sassy self was coming back.. The kind that my original guy,… haha was attracted to when we met.. Over the past year with so many transitions that went away.. But, today I was like omg this feels good to be enjoying all of me.. and focused on me. Not worried about anyone’s approval.. I was like whoa… hello again. Nice!!!

  231.  #231Daria on May 14, 2010 at 12:34 am

    Yay Alicia — how did u do the healing over the past few weeks?

  232.  #232Alicia on May 14, 2010 at 12:40 am

    🙂 I realized.. looking back over the last year.. How God has a mysterious of way doing things.. I was telling my friend, wow.. over the last year, I moved, got laid off and overfuncitoned.. only to go back to school, do something I like, heal, have better friends and this AWESOME relationship advice.. That was a “real” anwer to prayer.. I actually had been praying for restoration in my relationship… and one day I was like God I need some good dating game.. haha. (Not game in a bad way, but playful way) And boom this site crossed my path.
    The main thing is I started showing up for myself first.. and loving myself more then I was putting into to others. Once I started to LET GO of needing other people approval friends, men, family,.. my whole vibe changed and the funny thing is I never realized how much I was there for others but, abandoning myself.. Making their world better and all about them.. I had friendships with girls that were one sided.. and I always had men around but, then pushed away after a few months or felt like I “wanted” to “give”.. but, in reality I was “scared” to loose my place.. Now.. I have really healthy boundries with my friends.. I don’t choose people who take advantage.. and I’m soooo very aware of what feels good to me with men.. What feels bad.. and what feels dangerous or like a red flag.. And the more I love myself and can still smile when a guy pulls away.. It’s like they are attracted that much more.. cause I trust.. It’s like the saying.. “I’ll do me and you do you”… they don’t have to be on my timeline..

  233.  #233Alicia on May 14, 2010 at 12:45 am

    Hey Daria.. Princess Feeler.. 🙂

    Your messages sometimes trigger me so, thanks!

    I mean healing in a the sense of feeling, accepting, processing, and welcoming the next emotion, all the way to forgiving.. It’s like a snake shedding old skin.. And also, EFT.. This blog, Spiritual and allowing myself to be triggered and roll with it.

  234.  #234Daria on May 14, 2010 at 12:46 am

    Alicia YES! this is what im learning now too… wow.

  235.  #235Daria on May 14, 2010 at 12:47 am

    Alicia hehe – that is the tools ive been using… i am going to check out higher awareness now

  236.  #236Alicia on May 14, 2010 at 12:52 am

    Oh this is sooooo crazywild to me.. Does anyone else have this or notice this..

    All the guys that have been asking me out.. All have the EXACT name of significant men in my past.. Men I had cared for, hurt got hurt, felt guilty or anger or abandoned by.. but, totally cared for and come to a place of gratitude with… I thought so at least.. Maybe there is some emotions when I hear there name or something..
    But seriously.. Aaron, Jared, Brandon, Tim, all the exact name of past guys that happened to be the first guys a dated recently.. Just a little wild. So the experience was like a repeat of fun and then closure.. But seeing their names pop up on my phone triggered memories and feelings of the past guys until they went away or felt free. Just something I noticed.. kinda wild..

    I want a batch of new names… haha.. I feel like I’m ready.. 🙂

  237.  #237Alicia on May 14, 2010 at 1:11 am

    *Opps – I feel stupid when I notice after the fact.. simple spelling errors.. And now I just feel human.. lol. No biggie..

    Anyway.. from above #242 all those guys except the one who led me here.. have had the same name.. maybe he is special.. haha

    I just want to recreate with him.. The other guys had moved or got married and although I thought I was way fine with it.. There was still some stuff (like an energy field) that needed to be cleared for me.. So the same name present thing.. with like 5 past life impacting guys was my observation.. that I liked.

    It made everything feel lighter.. Except the name Tim.. haha. That is my dad. Still doing lot’s of praying and blessing, and energy field freedom healing there. There is an older man with that name who emails me.. and I’m not at all atrracted but, he so nice and very respectful in a total non-sexual way. It’s feels peacful reading Hi Alicia.. etc etc.. Have a great day. Postive things.. and then signed by the same name as my father. It’s like reading something I would want to hear from my real dad.. So I don’t know what the “message” is.. but, I just take it as light, forgiving, energy clearing.. Cause that vibe merges with the memory of my dad.. and balances out..

    That might be kinda out there.. but, on a purely energy level this makes sense to me.. energy = feelings… 🙂

    Have a beautiful night sirens.. Keep loving you first and radiating!!!

  238.  #238mary on May 14, 2010 at 1:58 am

    daria, about drinking and your sister:

    my brother had a drinking problem for years.
    it was painfully obvious to everyone.

    i tried to say something but the timing was never right. so i waited. and waited. and waited.

    then last summer my mother’s husband died. i rushed home to texas. he died and we all went over to my mother’s house afterwards. my brother came, and he asked me to go home to his house with his family because he wanted to stay with our mother. he never does that.

    i knew she would seize the opportunity to talk to him about his drinking.

    on the way to his house, i seized the opportunity to talk to his wife about his drinking. we stayed up all night talking, and she told me she was on the verge of leaving him. i told her that i wouldn’t blame her if she did. but in the morning, she woke up and said, “you know i love your brother…”

    i spent years going to alanon so i told her everything i learned there. she perked up and was very interested.

    i came back home to canada.

    next thing i knew, he was in a treatment center. he’s been sober now since october.

    yay! i’m so happy about it. he’s a new man. he’s like the boy i remember from childhood. his personality has come back, and he seems like he’s REALLY THERE. you know? it’s wonderful.

    just tellin’ you! maybe there’s hope for your sister.

  239.  #239EarthDancer on May 14, 2010 at 7:28 am

    Hi Alicia, Daria & Mary:

    I LOVE reading your lovely siren-y stories, I learn something from every post. Yay! I am getting better day by day 🙂

  240.  #240Simply Shannon on May 14, 2010 at 9:52 am

    Daria: I feel good about your words towards your sister. My ex was an alcoholic and blaming him or using words about his drinking never worked. He never believed he had a problem. I didn’t “get it” back then but I see it now. it’s the same concept as feeling messages. Telling anyone to do anything is not my business.

    “I love you. I love it when we get together and have fun. But I feel afraid/concerned/worried when you’re drinking. I don’t want to feel that way. What do you suggest?”

    Maybe the answer is not to be around her when she’s drinking. And if she can’t stop drinking long enough to hang out with you, then maybe that will give her the heads up that she’s got a problem. KWIM?

  241.  #241Simply Shannon on May 14, 2010 at 9:56 am

    Siena: Post 181… I feel curious about the indication that the door should be closed. What if the guy changes and would have come back as the perfect man but we shut the door.

    Daria: Haven’t you posted on this before? About not shutting a guy out?

    I feel curious about this because I’m in this boat with Mr. Fab Kisser. I don’t want a relationship with him as things stand right now but I don’t want to break it off either. It’s just not necessary. I’ve got my head on straight about “us” finally. It would feel bad to say to him “that’s it, I don’t want to talk to you ever again”, even if I don’t want to marry him right now.

  242.  #242Lucy on May 14, 2010 at 10:11 am

    “Post 181… I feel curious about the indication that the door should be closed.”

    I *think* Siena was talking about whether or not I was completely HONEST with them about where I stood. That is, did I leave the door open for them to believe that I might still be interested NOW in a relationship with them.

    I have not officially “closed the door” on ANY of the guys I have dated. I was just thinking about that yesterday….that it’s kinda like practicing “no closure.”

    I make it clear to them how I feel right now and what I don’t want — (e.g., I don’t want a relationship with a guy almost as young as my kids), and then they either stick around a bit and worship me (haha, thanks Daria!), or they move on.

  243.  #243Lucy on May 14, 2010 at 10:14 am

    Shannon, another example that comes to mind is what Daria has said about telling guys she doesn’t want a man who doesn’t have a car and/or a job… they go away for awhile to get a car and a job and then they come back to her when they have it. 😀

    (Yay, Daria!)

  244.  #244Siena on May 14, 2010 at 10:15 am

    Yes, #243, that’s what I meant. 🙂

  245.  #245Lucy on May 14, 2010 at 10:18 am

    I emailed that Sunny Dayz guy who emailed me last night, and now there is another message from him,


    I feel so afraid to open it!!!!

    I want so badly to have a guy in my rotation that I FEEL ATTRACTED to! With his first email and pic and profile I felt like maybe I could feel attracted to him, so I got my hopes up a little….

    So I feel scared of ending up NOT feeling attracted after all.

  246.  #246Brenda on May 14, 2010 at 10:20 am

    Apple Jacks, RE: #165 – Law of Attraction…The Secret

    I dunno. I got the video from Alicia’s post in #98, a link to Youtube. Then I saved it in my favorites.

  247.  #247Lucy on May 14, 2010 at 10:29 am

    Hmmm. Well, it was a nice email, but I don’t know how to respond cuz he didn’t ask me anything. Only said that he hopes to hear from me again.

    I feel annoyed that he’s wearing a hat in both his pics, cuz

    1) I can’t tell whether or not he has any hair on the top of his head.

    2) my ex-h wears hats all the time and it annoys me, and guys who wear hats therefore remind me of my ex and that doesn’t feel good.

    Hmmm, what is his message? 🙂

  248.  #248Siena on May 14, 2010 at 10:36 am

    Lucy, how would it feel to respond to his email with something like,

    “Thank you for your email. I feel bad, because it was a nice email, but it didn’t say anything that would prompt me to respond. And I feel silly asking this, but I can’t tell from your pictures whether I would be attracted to you. It would feel good to get to know you a little better, what do you think?”

  249.  #249Brenda on May 14, 2010 at 10:49 am

    Lucy, RE: #179 – You said, “It seems that most of my messages have been about what I DON’T WANT.z’

    When Thomas Edison was inventing the light bulb, I think his efforts failed the first 1000 experiments, something like that. Instead of being discouraged, he said, “I’m one step closer to discovering the right way!” I know it’s easier said than done, especially when your heart’s involved. But I feel a lot better when I look at it that way! 🙂

  250.  #250Lucy on May 14, 2010 at 10:52 am

    Haha, thanks Brenda! I hope that doesn’t mean I have to date 1000 men!!

    I’m nowhere near the number my friend dated before finding the One — she had 70 first dates in 2-3 years!!

    Siena, thanks for the suggestion. I’ll keep you posted. 🙂

  251.  #251Daria on May 14, 2010 at 11:14 am

    Lucy –

    when stuff like that has happened to me in the past, and i was getting what i wanted but either felt afraid it wasnt 100% or it was what i wanted with a “twist” that didnt feel good…

    i would say YES!! this is a message that I’m starting to get what i WANT!! thank you!!!!

    and not expect that that guy would hav eit all

    but more would show up havign what i want after!!!

    thats how its been showing up for me

  252.  #252Lucy on May 14, 2010 at 11:55 am

    Daria! That is bloody brilliant!!

    “i would say YES!! this is a message that I’m starting to get what i WANT!! thank you!!!!”

    Yes!! Because I was just writing yesterday about how most of my messages have been about what I DON’T want!

    YAY! I am starting to get what I WANT! WOOHOO! Awesome message!!!!

    It’s funny, cuz the thing I like about him is his FACE.

    And that is something I LOVE about Getting Closer Man — I love his face.

    And I like Sunny Dayz face.

    That probably sounds shallow. But it’s not about looks. It’s what I can see in their face. Like an openness and manly gentleness. And a subtle sexiness.

    Thanks, Daria!

  253.  #253Daria on May 14, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    Lucy – hehe I LOVE MY SHALLOWNESS 😉 jus saying.

    thank you!

    i feel happy to see you feeling happy and getting breakthroughs yay!

  254.  #254Daria on May 14, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    Whoa DO i love my shallowness?

    i guess i didnt till now!

    i love MY SHALLOWNESS!!! thank you thank you !!!!!! omgosh

    thank you shallowness!!!

    the beach would be kinda scary if we just stepped off the sand to huge deep ocean water

    it feels great to play in the shallow part of the water… esp when it stretches for a long time! i loved that in the beach in Mamaia



  255.  #255Alicia on May 14, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    Brenda –

    Thanks.. It’s a great video.. I like it alot.. 🙂

    In fact I’m going to watch it again right now.. And I had some amazing money opportunites pop up. That fit in my school schedule perfect! So yaaay..

    I put a little note on my bathroom mirror. About being in shape feeling great, loveflowing into my life, and another one on money flowing in to my life, in a fun way that doesn’t feel like work, just fun!

    And when I blow dry my hair. Instead of mind just randomly thinking whatever it wants.. I see that. And go oh yaaa.

    I really want more money in my life now becuase I want to get some things paid off and take a trip.

    For fun when I look at trees now… sometimes I’ll look at all the leaves and pretend they are dollar bills.. haha. This one qoute on Higher Awareness said money is like oxegen there is an endless supply of it. And yet people feel scarcity with it. So I said okay.. This is true.. I’ll just pretend there it’s all around me..

    Anyway. a week or so later, I got this email from a job I had applied to and forgot about over a month ago for this part time nanny gig so I can keep my benefits from last job and go to school. The pay is really awesome! The hours are 2 in the morning, 3 in the late after noon.. (perfect for my schedule) and the main thing is. The kids are 6&8 so it’s alot of swimming in the pool, going to the movies. Taking them to gymnastics and tennis.. More fun for me then being back in office. And better pay then I was expecting. Sooo… I do believe in Law of Attraction! And in having Faith!!

    Take Care! 🙂

  256.  #256Alicia on May 14, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    Apple Jacks –

    The video I’m talking about is really short with music and pics, and affirmations, it”s a Law of Attraction, on love. money, health..

    Just 4 minutes long.. If you want The Secret, you can see some of it on You Tube.. But, you can buy it at Target.. or online, just google it.

    Oh here is the short fun one… Some girl made it. I just clicked on it one day and liked it!

    Attraction: Love. Money, Health..

  257.  #257Alicia on May 14, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    Thanks Earth Dancer!

    I love this girly support group.. It’s helped me in leaps and bounds!!

  258.  #258Alicia on May 14, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    Hi SIRENS!!

    This has nothing to do with a relationship – Except maybe the one with your self.. This is totally inspiring!!

    Child piano prodigy went from unknown status to a worldwide star within a matter of a few days.

    He is 12! SINGS AMAZING and plays piano like craaazay.. He plays Lady GaGa’s paparazzi. I bet we will be hearing him in the future!

    Check it out 🙂

  259.  #259Kismet on May 14, 2010 at 10:46 pm

    I’m really feeling this article because I think I might be pushing the timeline. Sometimes I feel I won’t be secure until he proposes and waits for him to propose so I’ll feel okay and like I made the right decision. I feel scared I might just start asking him when he’ll save up money for it because of my pregnancy by him. I won’t ask though. I’ll let him do it on his own. I’ll lean back and just enjoy the moments. =)