From Sex To Romance – It’s Easy!

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If you’ve ever felt torn in two directions with a man, and you’re struggling with following your heart or your own Boundary “Rules” – here’s a letter from Hannah we can work with:

“Hi Rori, I am reading the ebook and doing the writing exercises. I already feel better. I decided that clenching my fists and attempting to hold on to “him” really makes me feel powerLESS.

Today, I practiced holding myself “open” with hands, heart, pelvis—I even attempted to flirt and be open to all men.

And, I have to say, that for the most part, I really enjoyed the experiment. I was smiling to myself all day.

It was indeed an eye opener–I never realized how really closed off I must appear in the world.

As you remember, my boyfriend lives a couple of hours away by car. As we discussed, I am going down this weekend because I had already committed.

Now–as for the future weekends, you and I discussed saying things like: ‘Oh, I am so disappointed…I hadn’t heard from you and I already made plans with my girlfriends, etc.’

BUT, BUT, BUT—what do I do/say in the event that he asks me this weekend, or really early on in the week about the following weekend?

What if he says, ‘Are you coming down next weekend?’ Should I just have some activities booked far enough in advance to give myself the excuse to be able to say I have other plans?

The truth is that I am less willing to make the drive since he says he might be leery about making a commitment…but, I don’t tell him that do I?

Should I be noncommittal and say something like...’I don’t know what my plans are but, it might feel good to have a relaxing weekend at home…’? Thanks, Rori!! Hannah”

Here was my original answer to Hannah:

“Brava! You’re doing fantastic. Here’s your answer, in your own words… ‘The truth is that I am less willing to make the drive since he says he might be leery about making a commitment…’

You tell him the truth. ‘I don’t feel very comfortable coming to you most of the time. It feels like I’m chasing you, and it doesn’t feel good. It would feel amazing to be at my home with you. What do you think we could do to make it feel better for me?’

This is the TRUTH. And, you’re being open and vulnerable.

Absolutely NO making things up, no games, no strategy. The truth, in Feeling Messages.

NOT THIS “strategic,” “hinty” half-truth: ‘Should I be noncommittal and say something like…I don’t know what my plans are but, it might feel good to have a relaxing weekend at home”

And I want to go further: This is all about the power and attractiveness of basically telling the TRUTH to a man.

It’s hard to even imagine “Truth” being an incredibly sexy thing.

Yes, we have a sense of how Truth creates emotional intimacy, but – “physical intimacy”?

“Intimacy” itself is already such a scary thing. The idea of being open, vulnerable and truthful while also completely, physically naked can feel not only terrifying – but wrong!

So, to imagine “Truth” as being a cornerstone of great sex sounds crazy.

Yet, that’s what creates love, affection, warmth, trust – and attraction. Truth.

And, so many of us women have been taught to basically “lie” in bed.

We’re taught to hide ourselves, show only the pretty parts, and it all leads, yes, to deeper emotions like shame and guilt – yet, the most important thing we need to “fix” is how all of the fluff around sex makes us feel tense.

Tension (NOT “stress”) is the enemy of good health, good times, good life, good love, god sex…all of it.

Sex, in one of its most huge benefits, creates a brilliant, full-body way to “release” not only tension, but emotional and body “armor”.

Sex is literally a healing.

And once we get into that frame of mind, it feels completely mesmerizing, completely in the “state of love” we all want to live in, all the time.

In the Sex To Romance Masterclass, we zero in on how to create this intense “state of love”, “state of attraction” and “state of non-tension” through the sensual, physical, emotional, psychological and awesomely healing qualities of physical intimacy and sex, and here, in this letter, we’ll focus on the only 2 scenarios I see for Hannah with verbal conversation:

One – we know the Truth, exactly how we feel and what we want, but we’re afraid to communicate that, so we’re desperately trying to find “a way in” to the conversation.

Here’s, we’re trying to find a “way” to say the Truth – or – we’re trying to find a way to say some of the truth – which most often turns into choosing an old pathway we’ve used over and over again that never has worked – the not-truth.

And Two – we DON’T know the Truth.  We actually don’t know what we want.  We’re pulled in two – sometimes many – directions.

Like Hannah, we want to go and we want to not go.  Sometimes I even have difficulty deciding if I want to go to a movie, or if I want to stay home and veg on the couch or play cards.

When I’m under the weather, I want to do things, but I want to stay in bed. I can actually feel the war going on inside me from my different impulses. I want to write, I want to clean the kitchen, I want to eat, I want to work, I want to paint, and I want to curl up with my husband – all at the same time.

I have to CHOOSE. But still – and this is important – all these impulses are the TRUTH.

And saying the Truth to anyone would be to say“I’m feeling confused.  I want to do ten things all at once.  I haven’t settled down enough to choose one, or put them in some sort of order of “liking to do.”

And so, my path is simple – I must settle down into myself, really imagine all my options, and FEEL which one feels best at this very moment.  I must PRACTICE CHOOSING from many truths.  I must practice listening to my deepest self, my intuition, my gut level feelings.  AND – I must make this process FUN by using my favorite Tools for this situation.

I know – and if you settle down into yourself and imagine – you know too, many, many times when you had many things you wanted to do and not do, where ONE THING just jumped out at you, and you KNEW what it was you wanted to do.

Only, you may have second-guessed yourself, or tried to talk yourself out of it, or made an intellectual, rational argument for another choice, or went with what someone ELSE wanted and decided it was what YOU wanted to do, too.

And still – no matter WHAT you choose – some of that would be the TRUTH.  “I wanted to go to see that movie now because I knew YOU wanted to see that movie now, and it felt good to make you happy.”  That’s the Truth. “I really want to see that movie now” is NOT the Truth. (There may be a movie you feel okay about seeing “sometime” – but that doesn’t make it the thing you want to do right NOW.)

See where we’re going here?

So – start with the Truth.  Get into yourself, listen to all your conflicting voices, and FEEL what it is that’s the truth for you at this moment.  Practicing this will make EVERYTHING so much EASIER for you…and will get you AMAZING results with a man.

When you have the challenge of speaking to a man about something you’re torn about, or that’s emotionally loaded, or you have to make a decision, like Hannah – don’t worry about the outcome.  The outcome isn’t under your control.  Just focus your energy on FEELING what it is that’s the TRUTH for YOU about this.

Even if there are MANY Truths – just write them all down.

Then feel your way through each option, and see if you can FEEL which one is the MOST true for you at the moment, the one that most sings in your heart, where you can feel your body RELAX and breathe.

(That’s often the clearest sign we can get that we’ve hit on the truth for us for the moment – we FEEL released inside.)

And practice, moment by moment, saying the Truth, DOING what feels Truthful, and letting the outcome work out by itself.

I can promise you that what you choose, and how things unfold in the short term are not important – what will work for you with a man in the LONG TERM is the VIBE you create around yourself when you listen to yourself and speak the Truth.

When you do this, you open up a way of communication with a man that THRILLS him. It creates INSTANT CONNECTION – and the longer you do it, the deeper the connection becomes. So – work for the Truth, and let me know your experiences.

Saying the truth can be “hard” when we’re so used to saying half-truths and non-truths to feel safer and less “challenging” to a man.

We’re working here through brand new “practices” to change old, settled in habits that don’t work for us.

And we’re doing the Rori Raye way, which is to “slide” past the old patterns and strong defenses – and not try to “break” anything!

We just want to try new things, and get good results so we feel motivated to keep doing things and saying things the new way.

You’ll want to own the Sex To Romance Masterclass (Oh! It’s important to know that the Masterclass is NOT about “using” sex as a Tool to bring a man closer! Attempting to use sex as a strategy will never, ever work.

Instead, this Masterclass is all about how to experience sex as personally transformative, healing, incredibly pleasurable, and to allow it to be the powerfully open door it already is to developing a deep love connection with the man you’re having this sexual experience with!)->

Love, Rori