Get Instant Confidence – No Matter WHAT’S Going On Or Where You Are!

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OMG – This is AWESOME!!! Try it! Two minutes of “Power Posing” in the bathroom before a date, two minutes before you make a work/business decision or meet with a potential client or employer….and on and on:

Love, Rori

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81 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on October 20, 2014 at 6:27 am

    Love it



  2.  #2Victoria on October 20, 2014 at 6:56 am

    She is truly amazing!



  3.  #3MovingMagic on October 20, 2014 at 7:47 am

    Body language is so HUGE and I feel so intrigued by it.



  4.  #4Karol on October 20, 2014 at 9:06 am

    AMAZING!!
    Coincidence or not, today I had a new Pilates teacher who indentificated that I was wrongly standing still. He taught me to give more weight to my foot finguers. Te result was amazing, I expanded my breast and my hips in seconds! Looked more confident and younger.
    Body language rocks!!



  5.  #5Sassy on October 20, 2014 at 9:11 am

    Kim? Azure? Kyla? Turquoise? Elsie?

    Where are you?

    Who am I missing?



  6.  #6prplpsn28 on October 20, 2014 at 9:50 am

    🙂



  7.  #7IamHis on October 20, 2014 at 11:38 am

    I feel so embarrassed about having to cancel on Natalina. I just made a huge geographical move to live with my parents again. It feels both humiliating and comforting. I really struggle with communicating with my mother, but everything about being around my Dad feels good. He is so good to me, & I would feel lucky to find a man like him to marry.



  8.  #8IamHis on October 20, 2014 at 11:56 am

    The decision was made by my Dad and it was made very quickly. I didn’t feel like I was in an emotionally healthy enough place to argue against it. I felt so sad and so rushed and also relieved. I feel scared and shaky and sad too.

    Cute Shy Guy was walking in front of me and slowed down & seemed to be waiting for me. We made eye contact and I found myself feeling unable to speak. I thought for sure we were going to walk together, but some old guy wedged himself between us, and CSG kept walking, like he just gave up on getting to walk with me. He didn’t make any attempt after that to say goodbye, but I just got a message from him today, apologizing for not saying goodbye. I feel sad and confused about it.



  9.  #9IamHis on October 20, 2014 at 12:03 pm

    The weird thing is I’ve been having this suspicion that he might have Asperger’s. He takes things very literally, is extremely quiet, & isn’t the best at eye contact. He is physically beautiful and extremely honest, which makes my heart melt. I can tell he is sensitive and has a really good heart. I feel conflicted about if he might have Asperger’s or not. He is definitely unusual, but he doesn’t have the Asperger’s body type.



  10.  #10Emerson on October 20, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    Hi Sirens. I feel like I turned a page or a corner…I feel completely resigned to my “search” for a partner. I give up. I don’t want anyone. I am planning to be single for the rest of my life. And I don’t care anymore. I’m so tired of “looking”, wasting money on dating sites, and feeling disappointed when nothing works out.

    I’m done.



  11.  #11Sassy on October 20, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    Emerson,

    Hugs to you but you know what they say…

    As soon as you stop looking, he shows up!



  12.  #12Sassy on October 20, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    Fake it til you BECOME it!

    I love this, I need to do this



  13.  #13Emerson on October 20, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    11 Thanks Sassy
    I feel warm reading your reply. I feel heard.:)

    I just feel so annoyed with the whole process and walking used through the feelings.
    I feel angry at the men who have let me down. I feel angry for carrying baggage for too long and its my choice to put it down or keep it.
    I feel frustrated why it’s so hard to let go of baggage (emotional baggage).
    I hold grudges and I feel inconsolable when someone betrays me.
    I don’t know if I can ever have radical acceptance of a man of he is unfaithful….do I still radically accept him as a cheater and just part of being an imperfect human?
    Not sure if I have it in me.
    Perhaps I couls “accept” him but not stay with him.



  14.  #14Emerson on October 20, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    I feel numb and *shrugging shoulders* when I see a text from recycledCD or even CutecityCD.
    Ok that’s a lie I feel excited when I have contact with CutecityCD !
    I don’t know why I do because he’s not really present.



  15.  #15Emerson on October 20, 2014 at 10:42 pm

    I watched the Ted talk video and it brought tears to my eyes when she mentioned the student ….
    Really a great video and resource, thanks Rori!



  16.  #16sweet goddess on October 21, 2014 at 2:56 am

    Hi Rori, Hi Sirens

    I have to say I felt a bit confused and irritated by this stuff. I have been a natural “power poser” throughout my life and as Rori women you can guess, it doesn´t get you anywhere with a man. All the power positions felt so masculine to me. Legs wide, arms stretched… I don´t do that stuff, not even at work. I feel confused because touching your neck (which the lady in the video said that is VERY low power) feels very feminine to me and I don´t understand why Rori would post this for us here.

    I am an ardent Rori fan, happily married and that´s why I feel confused or rather curious about showing us these power positions here. Yes you look like a lionness, your boss may take you more serious but does it also work with our husbands, boyfriends, dates?
    To me this stuff didn´t feel feminine energy at all.

    Love
    S:g.



  17.  #17sweet goddess on October 21, 2014 at 3:00 am

    oh and this stuff here is “show of strength” whereas we are taught to be strong on the inside and soft on the outside which I do feel I am. But this external show of strength ? Isn´t it contrary to soft, surrendering feminine energy?



  18.  #18Victoria on October 21, 2014 at 3:24 am

    Sweet goddess,
    I am sorry you did not like the video, I found it both useful and touching.
    As to the show of strenght – I think there are places where it is appropriate and others where they are not, i.e. in certain social situations you do not wish to be appearing stronger than the party you are interacting with. What I take from this video is that this is a technique which you can use to boost your mood and confidence when you feel you are lacking them.
    I feel quite facinated by the topic of body language and charisma in the work place. There are books on the topic, and most of them argue that charisma is a combination of exhibiting high power and high warmth. So, you need not only to be standing big but also to be smiling and be exhibiting warmth. A technique I find useful for the warmth part is to be focusing on the part of the face/body of the person you are looking at which you find really attractive (sometime difficult to find, but still worth the effort!).
    What you find effective with boyfriends/husbands etc., in terms of posing is also very interesting.
    I personally love the psisical leaning back – every time I do it with a man, they lean in, into the conversation.
    The other I like is mirroring: copiing the actions of the man, so you get into like a dance in which he leads and you follow. And, it is so sweet when you notice that the man you are talking to is mirroring you: it is so reassuring that he likes you!
    What works for you?



  19.  #19sweet goddess on October 21, 2014 at 3:32 am

    Hi Victoria

    Thank you so much for your input. I felt intrigued by your view on it. I did not look at it from this perspective before – that sometimes when we feel down, we do these poses to get back into our power – within ourselves and not necessarily for showing it to others 🙂 Thanks for pointing that out. I feel certain there will be situations when we need to do this and boost our confidence.

    Well what works for me – with my husband – leaning back, smiling. Although sometimes I have also noticed when I am in the company of many men and Cding, they don´t talk to me if I am not leading the conversation. Of course there are always women around me to lead the conversation and be jumpy and outgoing, and that sort of makes me lean back even more…… 😀 In the moment I feel a bit left out and it feels hard (and that´s where my work is – to still feel the power when the male attention is not on u) but I have also noticed that it makes men take notice of me in a different sort of way. what do you think ?? I know this is a bit tangent from the current discussion though.

    love sg



  20.  #20sweet goddess on October 21, 2014 at 3:41 am

    Victoria.
    May be I share a little story with you.
    We had guests over at our place for 2 days, visiting us. A young man and his girlfriend. Both spoke less and they were my husband´s guests so I felt a bit odd at the start. I realized I was trying to be the “nice host” and receive them well with warmth etc, but my energy also felt drained when I wasn´t being reciprocated ( it was really all body language!! since words were so few). When I spoke, the girl leaned back and let me carry on the conversation and after 10 mins of me feeling excited I also gave up. When my husband returned in the evening, I realized he felt intrigued by the lady. And suddenly, when he was around, her body language was visibly more warm, more open, more laughy and playful. My husband dotes on me so I just took this as a very interesting lesson to learn from. He probably didn´t even realize how many questions he was asking about her on the table and at first I felt a bit pissed but then on second thoughts, I felt curious to understand what was really going on. Leaned back energy (ALWAYS) works with men. She gave him short answers. Not more than a sentence or two for each question and really laughed at all his statements / comments. It was fun seeing another woman “do Rori” on my husband 😀 Yet when I am in the same position, I still find myself feeling compelled to talk in company of men, to start conversations (with hubby´s colleagues etc) – I don´t do it of course. Im too aware to do it but I do observe these feelings existing inside of me when I am faced with these situations. It feels so odd to see everyone making small talk and leaning and laughing and I just stand there, waiting for someone to start a talk with me.

    Do you have any such experiences? Do other sirens want to share something on this?



  21.  #21sweet goddess on October 21, 2014 at 3:50 am

    Rori, Sirens.

    I have a rather important question I´d say 😀 All these movies and “game of thrones” etc that we watch – show women in power, the real queens of kings, have a lot of say and influence over their men. I find them in “advice mode” many times. Its almost like hearing the Oracle talk. They also sometimes end up “convincing” their men based on what they want.

    Men cherish them. Thank them for their presence in their lives. What´s going on here?

    My husband often asks me for advice on his work / colleague interactions / conflict situations at work, listens to me earnestly and if he feels convinced by it, also takes my advice and goes and does it and returns to thank me…… for being in his life and his lighthouse (he called me that yesterday evening!).

    Since Rori forbids advice mode, I really don´t want to run into any trouble here. But if I were to trust my feelings, he appreciates my input. I never impose it on him, ask him to do it or put pressure or lecture like mommy but I do share my take on the situation and what i´d do in it, while always using words like – but its your decision in the end, I trust you will figure this out etc.

    Am I on the wrong track or is this also a part of life / a romantic supportive relationship?



  22.  #22Mistea1 on October 21, 2014 at 5:51 am

    to sweet goddess. I enjoyed your comment about the woman guest who intrigued your husband. very intructive for me.
    Re: the power poses: I find them helpful for use before going into situations and to bring up my self confidence. The last thread I discussed a Qi Gong pose I have been doing that is very helpful. It’s somewhere near the end of the thread. I also viewed two other videos one on vulnerablitiy and one on seduction that I thought were very helpful.



  23.  #23Mistea1 on October 21, 2014 at 5:57 am

    to sweet goddess re: 21.I feel that all those shows are probably written by men and don’t necessarily reflect our real world. In addition i think there is a difference between a person giving advice to a date vs giving asked for advice to a committed partner. Just my 2 cents worth.



  24.  #24sweet goddess on October 21, 2014 at 7:09 am

    Hi Misteal

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the topic 🙂 I feel in full agreement that “advising” directing is not stuff for dating / early relationship. I don´t remember doing it either with my husband while courting. It was the time for – I want / I dont want but not more than that.

    However, let´s say we speak only of committed relationships. Even there, in the real world (not just movies and soaps), I find Kate Middleton wielding a lot of power (influence – in a GOOD way!) over William. All the gossip columns are full with, William won´t do this because Kate doesn´t like it or it was Kate´s wish to live in this palace and separate from the Queen etc etc. May be advise is even the wrong word I am using here. WOmen have emotional wisdom, much more than man have and real queens… know how to share that wisdom with their men, without sounding mothery or controlling. Or so I hope 🙂



  25.  #25Andrea on October 21, 2014 at 7:14 am

    oh Sweet Goddess… I feel light and wonderful and joyful just typing your “name”. Sweet Goddess. My heart just fluttered again. I feel like writing it on lot’s of post it notes and hanging them from my walls. Sweet Goddess..

    Well, I don’t know that Rori “forbids” advice mode, but I feel certain that I can put my little two cents in here and riff off this idea for a bit.

    I feel different, I feel a little bit… off, unfeminine, exhausted, worky, do-y, boy energy, provider-y, mamma taking care of someone, thinking, figuring out, hard… when I give “advice”. Even when it’s asked for.
    None of what I expressed… none of those feelings are “wrong”.
    It’s just that there are many times that I simply don’t like to feel them. If I’m extra honest and extra sensitive to my own feelings and vibrations, I would have to admit that I feel resentful when someone puts me in the position of being advise giver.

    Me personally…. I don’t care if my date, boyfriend, hubby, “respects” me, “appreciates” me, “thanks” me, for it later. I don’t want to be his guiding light when he goes “out there” into his world of DOING. I want to guide him into my heart, into my softness, into my love, into my emotional body and sensuality… yes.

    That’s just ME. I resent my daughter’s father because he always puts me in the position of “take care of him”. Of course he appreciates it when I give advice on finances, rentals, insurances, dealing with his work crew…. he’s always… always asking for my advice. But then he doesn’t understand why I feel no attraction for him at all. Why I feel turned off when he calls me.

    So what that he likes me. I don’t like him. I don’t like that position, that role he wants me to play.

    What do I like? My other CD’s… Bob, who talks to me all the time about his work load, his business, his money, his staff, his responsibilities..
    and I crook my head to the side, let my eyes get really big, and just listen to him, and love the sound of his voice, and let my eyes scan his handsome face, and his luscious lips, and feel turned on by his masculinity and when he says… “Right? I mean, what would you do?”
    I know he doesn’t really need me to tell him what I would do. I know he can handle his business. I feel relaxed and cushioned and relish his strength.

    I smile at him and I say, “I feel so wonderful just hearing about your work day. I feel so confident and so proud of you. I feel so taken care of and assured that if you can handle all of that, you can also handle me. I just feel so alive with you and like I can be feminine and free.”

    And he reaches out to me, pulls me to him, lathers me with kisses, tells me how he just can’t wait to make love to me and that I’m different from any woman he’s ever known.

    There’s no rights or wrongs… for me… it’s just, how do I want to feel? What role do I want to play in my relationship? What makes ME feel the happiest? How am I the most comfortable and relaxed?

    When I’m without the men in my life, I have to take on all the boy energy roles in order for my life to work. So when I’m WITH the men…. I want to be able to be a girl.



  26.  #26Victoria on October 21, 2014 at 8:03 am

    Sweet Goddess and Andrea,
    I take a very different approach to that.
    I work a high powered job, and I have plenty of men in my life, in different roles and functions. They come to me for advice all the time, and I am very very good at giving advice. In fact, my boss pays me a lot of money because I know some things better than he does, and I am able to advise him how to handle things which are crucial for him. I do not shy away from giving advice when I am able to, but I stick to advice in my own sphere of competence, and I do not pretend to know all about all life situations. I also actively seek advice, from men and women, listen, weigh it, and sometimes disregard it, but if I think someone is more competent, or even at least will have a dirrerent opinion which can expand my view, I always ask for advice.
    I think there is nothing wrong with giving even unsolicited advice. Advice is the natural reaction of care for the people I care about, and I see no reason to suppress it. Now, the tricky part is not to get upset when people do not follow your advice, and to allow them to make their own choices which sometime would be to completely disregards your advice, at their own peril. But I am getting better and better at that as I grow older.
    Also, Sweet Goddess, not all situations call for a woman to be very feminine and attractive to men. The downside of being super feminine is that [most of the time] it annoys other women whose husbands are on the receiveing end of this irresistability :-).



  27.  #27sweet goddess on October 21, 2014 at 8:27 am

    Victoria.

    Your last line made me laugh 😀 I generally steer away from giving any unasked for advice. I am a good listener 🙂 As I said, I probably used the wrong word with advice. I would call it more emotional wisdom – shared only when asked for 🙂

    Andrea.

    It felt good to read what you wrote. I also practice Rori way of being with my husband and I feel literally worshipped by him. Having said that, we met at Uni and I taught him Physics for a year. He knows I have a mind 😉 Hiding it, suppressing it, feels like making myself smaller. My relationship with him is of the heart and yet, there are those rare occasions when one has to connect also with the mind. Rare indeed but they are there when you live with someone 24/7. I also believe that its because im not in constant advising mode that when I do share something with him, he really listens to it. I cannot imagine Helen of Troy not having said a single thing from her head …or for that matter Kate Middleton. I am a firm believer in Rori philosophy – the heart, the feelings, the boundaries, the non overfunctioning… but I also believe we women have a mind and a good man, takes you for the whole package that u are :)) But I am just exploring this stuff here. Advising mode feels also very yucky to me on the whole (especially in relation to my husband ewww) and its less advice but more an emotional sharing of perspectives that I guess I want to talk about here… But it still does come from the mind afterall… when we have an opinion…….



  28.  #28Victoria on October 21, 2014 at 8:36 am

    Sweet Goddess,
    One more thing. You appear to be an extrovert striving to act as an introvert, that is why you find it confusing whether to give or not to give advice (introverts would naturally not want to give advice and would naturally prefer to be talked to rather than to talk).
    It is my belief that one is not better than the other, there are simply situations in which it is better to act one or the other, but it is all very dependent on the circumnstances, and the best you can do is to be flexible.
    The other thing is, you seem to be eager to go from good to great (because you say you have a happy marriage and a doting husband but you are also concerned whether you are doing all the right things. This type of energy and drive is great about extroverts, but it comes at the price of having higher anxiety.
    Just my two cents, please let me know what you think.



  29.  #29sweet goddess on October 21, 2014 at 8:36 am

    Andrea

    I had a sort of aha moment. I guess its also possible that because I dont want to feel bad about sharing / advicing/ guiding/ directing, I write here about it not being possible to ONLY be in a feeling state, all of the time.

    It feels exhausting because you get to feel BOTH the good and the bad stuff. And may be watching all this stuff on the movies etc, where I do see powerful women (also seductive and loved I´d say), expressing themselves sometimes also with the power of their minds.

    I know we live in a world where most people come from the mind and so they have to be guided to the heart. I believe that as an ultra sensitive, I live from my heart and sometimes I have to go to my mind to just stop feeling exhausted from feeling everything……..like 90% of the times Im the soft, feeling mode with my husband but then 10% of the times he also wants to see I have a mind….

    I am riffing here I guess but its all about exploration 🙂



  30.  #30sweet goddess on October 21, 2014 at 8:43 am

    Victoria

    wow ! your first observation feels so interesting. I wouldn´t say im an extrovert acting as an introvert. I am a bit of both, depending on my level of comfort and the situation. I would say on the whole I have learn´t not to offer advice unless asked for. I am learning to do things that serve me and my good – and smothering people with advice is not necessarily an extrovert´s trait right? Also I just try to practice not advising because Rori teaches us not to and this way of being just feels more peaceful and relaxed to me. I feel in full agreement with you about being flexible 🙂 But I dont feel like Im an extrovert acting as anything. In fact my husband knows both my sides – the feminine listener and the blabbernugget talker 🙂

    About the second point, I am again not feeling sure if anxiety is the word for it. I feel curious to learn more and I want to go deeper and deeper into this way of being. Having a happy marriage is not the end – its the beginning to a lifelong relationship which needs reflection, learning, self discovery and for me this is what I do here. I don´t want to get it all right at the same time but yes I feel eager to keep learning …. exploring, curiously 🙂 Makes sense?

    Love
    SG



  31.  #31sweet goddess on October 21, 2014 at 8:49 am

    Victoria

    ah. the last two posts feel a bit triggering. All of a sudden I feel sort of judged. And feel this tension in my throat and belly. I remember having this conversation once with Dominique where she reminded me that in a good committed relationship, its completely ok to share your mind when asked for it – but be mindful that you don´t cut the other person out, you hear him out fully and you dont share yourself with an agenda of him acting as u would like him to act. Simple.

    Victoria. Thank you for saying what u did say. I find your observations very sharp. In fact the tension returns to my throat because you remind me who I used to be…acting..not feeling… etc etc but we are all here to learn right? Even Rori still riffs at times, tries to figure out the world and then gives up. And in that moment, she is goddess for her man. I´d like to see myself in a similar state of learning … and still a goddess 🙂

    love sg



  32.  #32sweet goddess on October 21, 2014 at 8:54 am

    I guess it feels a bit triggering always to hear someone else tell us who we are – based on two posts they read from us.

    Even women with 20 years of happy marriage should visit this forum and learn more… and get deeper and deeper into the feminine way of being. It doesn´t represent anxiety to me… It represents self exploration, discovery of what´s serving us and learning that and doing it for us. Masculine energy is so common among women that I feel its great if women return to this forum to get in touch with their feelings again.

    Ah my dear Victoria. I feel a bit angry. A bit judged. And it doesnt feel good to be judged. But you are only triggering me 🙂 An old wound. Those times when I actually didnt feel satisifed with myself and actually did have anxiety about “getting it all right at work”. But today I don´t feel that way. Today I feel like a goddess, learning, healing.. becoming even more goddessy. hence this exploration. It doesn´t come from a place of anxiety.

    Wow. the word anxiety felt so triggering. Hihi. 😀



  33.  #33Victoria on October 21, 2014 at 8:56 am

    Sweet Goddess,
    Only you know what you are, so I take your words on it.
    I have been reading about extroverts/introverts, google it if you are curious.
    One the main points I realized is that there are certain extrovert behaviours, and that if you have such a temperament (if you are born this way) you find those easy. At the same time, if you are a born extrovert, the “introvert behaviors” that come naturally to introverts, will actually require you to spend more energy on them. Loot at your own post, you said it feels “exhausting”. I am under the impression that you would naturally want to act extrovert, but you are trying to suppress it, because you have noticed that in certain situations you find it counterproductive. You are a smart and observant!
    By the way, smothering people with unwanted advice is absolutely an extrovert thing. Mea culpa :-).



  34.  #34sweet goddess on October 21, 2014 at 8:57 am

    ah. Victoria your post made me feel explainy. You told me I was a certain kind of person and I felt compelled to explain I wasn´t. Felt triggering.

    But it should be sufficient to say.. I don´t see being here and learning as any form of anxiety.. I see it as a deeper and deeper engagement with the feminine way of being, exploring myself, my patterns and healing and hence becoming more goddessy 🙂

    your post reminds me of how I used to be as a child – when I was really acting, covering myself up and actually did have anxiety about getting it right. Hence the triggering feelings – feeling tension in my chest and throat.

    But its all good 🙂 Thanks for the trigger. It only helps me heal :*



  35.  #35sweet goddess on October 21, 2014 at 9:02 am

    yes it feels exhausting because I am an ultra sensitive. I feel a lot and I feel everything !! the good and the bad, all together and I feel it deep down to my toes. Hence it is indeed exhausting for my system to constantly receive so much input. I´d rather be quiet than talk a lot. But its not your fault. You don´t know me. You tried to share “your impression” and knowledge based on what you read in two of my messages.
    And Im sure its good intentioned 🙂



  36.  #36Victoria on October 21, 2014 at 9:04 am

    Sweet Goddess,
    I apoligize if you felt judged by me, I am truly sorry.
    It seems to me I am recognizing certain behaviors, and that it would be helpful to you to get feedback, but may be I am just overprojecting my own experience on you and it is more hurtful [triggering?] than useful, so I will not do it further. I hope what I said would not shut down your willingness to share and explore.



  37.  #37sweet goddess on October 21, 2014 at 9:15 am

    O Sweet Victoria
    Not at all 🙂

    In fact I welcome triggers here. They are opportunities for me to heal. I send a big virtual hug :*

    You see after I started practising Rori , I decided to get rid of behaviours that don´t serve me. Giving advice is one of them. It plain old doesn´t feel good, especially around a man. I´d do it to a girlfriend when asked without hesitation but I´ve practiced coming to a place where it doesn´t feel like a natural reaction to someone´s troubles.

    Having said that, in conversation with you, I realize I have both sides. My masculine energy comes natural to me and my feminine energy comes practiced. And the more deeply I sank into feminine energy in the last years, the more I discovered my sensitivities and what an ultra sensitive person I am. So sometimes, even today, I take refuge in my head… and because Rori teaches us not to judge ourselves, I come here to ask – is it ok if 10% of the times I am also in my head? Not an advice giving mode but just a head mode? Because 100% feminine energy feels exhausting. You get to feel the amazing good but also the dreadfully bad…

    Please don´t feel bad. I love triggers. Especially when they come from other curious women, willing to explore with me.

    Sending you love.



  38.  #38Mistea1 on October 21, 2014 at 9:17 am

    sweet goddess 24. You surely speak the truth!



  39.  #39Indigo on October 21, 2014 at 9:26 am

    Andrea,

    I’m with you. The guys that I go out with tend to love my mind, they love that I’m intelligent, they love the way I think.

    And yet for me, it’s enough to know that they love my mind and my intelligence… I do not have to live there when I’m with them, and in actual fact it makes me feel a bit ick to do so. I don’t like debating, discussing, advice-giving when I’m with men. I have my job, writing, other outlets for that.

    D and I got into a stage of discussing and debating a few weeks ago, and I didn’t like it one little bit. I enjoy discussing ideas, but I noticed how I want to save that part of myself for other areas of my life. I noticed that’s instinctively how I felt. When I’m with him I want to be in my feeling self. So I dropped the discussing completely. When he would talk about something I would just look at him softly and say “mm” and sink further into the couch. And immediately he became more affectionate. It is enough for me to know that I love the way my man’s mind works, and he loves how mine works, without it needing to be part of how we relate to each other.

    As to advice giving… no, I don’t think that’s a good idea. But what I do find great, and which I find myself doing from time to time, is interpreting feelings for a man, for D. Because we are so much more adept at the language of feelings, I do believe there is a place for us here. For example sometimes I can interpret the emotions of a situation better than he can and I can get him to look at this differently, and this does ultimately seem to bring us closer. But even here, I tread with caution and am careful about the language I use.

    But yeah, I feel as if I have a bellyful of masculine energy when I am at work, so the rest of the time I want to be experiencing, BEing, feeling.



  40.  #40sweet goddess on October 21, 2014 at 9:36 am

    Indigo.

    Its great how you articulated it. Sharing our emotional wisdom with them – articulating for them their feelings etc. I took back the word advice giving but it seems to stick somehow with everyone 😀



  41.  #41Indigo on October 21, 2014 at 9:39 am

    sweet goddess,

    I’m with you about the 10% in my head.

    My personal belief is that the mind is in service to the body and the feelings… our mind or “boy energy”, if you like, is there to figure things out and find solutions and make things better for our body and our feelings. I love my mind and everything it can do and it serves me well. And there are times it feels good to think about things and problem solve.



  42.  #42Azure Blu on October 21, 2014 at 10:40 am

    From last thread…
    Sweet, Sweet Sirens…like Victoria said…
    I am blown away by what wonderful and enthusiastic cheerleaders I have found on Siren Island, I feel your love, and support, and feel VERY empowered to realize you are fascinated by my strength and capacity to grow.

    lovetodance, Indigo, Labbitt, Sophie, FW, Violette, Victoria, Veronica

    Indigo#259… lovely lady… magical wordsmith… this resonated with me so much “it hasn’t been very long with Spirit, I think he’s already showing signs of not being able to keep up the required effort – his reasons don’t matter so much, but I would keep Circular Dating – going on actual dates” That is exactly how it’s feeling…

    Labbitt #250 so warm and caring for you to share your thoughts with me….this too resonated with me… “I am very excited for you that Spirit came out of his cave, asked you out and opened up to you. Can you see how wonderful all of that is!? It’s easy to put myself in your shoes and understand how you want more…how you want things to move forward…things are moving forward, maybe just a little slower than you’d like.”

    Me wanting MORE!!! MY expectations… my needing to Control him and the relationship…
    I’m Not feeling very Sireny!!!

    Labbitt #251 Wow… with Tender… you are such an inspiration to me… How powerful this is!!!
    “I wanted to collapse, and give in, and tell him, OK I’ll only see you, but after a minute or two to think I realized that wouldn’t serve either of us. So instead I just shared that it wasn’t about dating a lot of men for me, it was about finding the one man for me, and that I didn’t want him to feel pressured…”

    Sophie #252… always you’re tender heart shows thru…
    THIS is what I too am committing myself to…
    “I want to start committing somehow to moving away from these ones that exacerbate these feelings. They are not pleasant feelings to have. It is almost like I am so accustomed to the unpleasant anxious feelings I don’t know how to do anything different other than move towards them, like a moth to a light bulb. I guess staying aware of my feelings and my patterns and behaviours is a great first step.”

    FeminineWoman # 253… you’re Siren insight is so kind…
    ““Because this relationship is important to me I don’t want to impact what we have negatively so I…………” I LOVE how this sounds… too bad I didn’t see it before I sent my text message about my dating others…

    Violette #266… thank you for your soft reminders…
    “I agree that it may feel good to open up the dating pool until he can step up more….It’s a disappointing process, and that’s a hard feeling. But you seem to have a full life and good things are sure to come to you.”

    Victoria #283… I feel heard and supported with your words… thank you…

    Veronica #255… Love to have you share your lovely heart with me…
    “I decided that I wanted a real relationship that was actually happening in real time and that anything less was starting to feel like an insult. If I was in the same situation, I would want to circular date because things are not progressing.”
    This is how I TOO feel!!!



  43.  #43Azure Blu on October 21, 2014 at 11:01 am

    After feeling all the love and support…
    Alll the feedback and wonderful insights…
    and NOT hearing from Spirit again for 2 days…
    I realized I am tired of being confused by the way he lives his life, That IS NOT what I want for me…
    I wanted to start dating others and get out of feeling less than…
    I chose to get back on my horse… feel the warm, loving breeze from the Universe and live my wonderful life… It was scary and Heartbreaking to let go… But I LOVE ME!!! :-))
    This is what I textd him on Sunday:
    I like you ALOT, Rob… I luv getting to know you more and more… the romantic date u planned for us on Fri. was sooo nice.Thnk you
    U shared the stress you are feeling from your job and your daughter…
    You know i admire ur dedication to ur financial stability. And of course your daughters’ welfare comes first!!
    I don’t want to add more stress to your life… I’m thinking this would feel better to me if we slow down and go back to dating others… My best, Clara

    I haven’t heard form him…
    I waffle between giving myself a break from dating and jumping right back in there…
    I’m starting to put my profile up on POF again…
    But this could take a few days, weeks, :->

    My heart and Soul is sooo happy I took care of ME and didn’t listen to HIS words which were starting to sound like lies and deceit…
    AND I realized there was NO action or energy coming towards me anymore!!

    LOVE how the RR tools HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE!!



  44.  #44Dominique on October 21, 2014 at 11:14 am

    sweet goddess – 21- This is actually perfectly awesome, a beautiful way to BE in a long term, closely bonded relationship such as what you have with your husband. When a man feels safe with his woman, as your husband obviously does with you, he WILL ask you for your input, and he WILL hear you and more often than not do as you suggested.

    And this is simply because you have not foisted your ideas on him, because you have let go of the outcome after having offered what he asked for. And he then feels free to act as he will, no pressure, no expectations.

    I love that he comes back to thank you after.

    You have a beautifully lovely flowing relationship.

    SO yay you!!!

    xxoo



  45.  #45Dominique on October 21, 2014 at 11:21 am

    Andrea – 25 – It seems that your experience has been being put/forced into the leading role, the boy role, much of the time in the past, and yes of course this would feel bad, and you would feel resentful.

    What I got from Sweet Goddess’s post is that her husband doesn’t look to her to make decisions but asks for input now and then when he maybe seeks her loving input. For a good man who loves his woman really, really gets that she can a perspective on certain things, especially when it comes to interpersonal interaction.

    Also a good man who loves his woman will make his decisions concerning the relationship based on what he knows or senses will make her feel happy. He wants his woman to feel good. So when a man leads, he leads them both to good feeling places.

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  46.  #46Femininewoman on October 21, 2014 at 5:49 pm

    Dominique I totally agree with your feedback.



  47.  #47Dominique on October 21, 2014 at 6:27 pm

    Thank you Femininewoman. It’s been awhile since we’ve interacted. Love to you as well. xxoo



  48.  #48Andrea on October 21, 2014 at 7:39 pm

    Oh yes Dominique. I feel so understood. Isn’t it so?? I personally so resent being with a man who needs me to be in boy energy.

    That’s what I love about this community and the option we have to pop on here and riff. It’s all about finding out and exploring who we are… no rules, no right, no wrong…. just what’s best for ME in MY relationship.

    I feel I have learned so much about myself here. And it’s so wonderful to see all the different variations of female-ness that we get to come into contact with. If all of us thought, did, felt the same way it would be a truly boring world.

    The men who are in my life are so lucky because they get to see me at my most authentic a lot of the time. And it’s easier for them when they know exactly what it is that makes me happy. heeheehee… and it’s all because I’m learning what makes me happy. : )



  49.  #49Millie on October 21, 2014 at 10:56 pm

    I’m feeling so much better about myself these days! Yay! As the nasty voices fade away….a positive voice rings out strongly amongst them, “You deserve to have what you want,” and “you deserve better than this.” I’m feeling this strong urge to not settle and to keep seeking and believing that what I want for myself is attainable. I just may have to kiss a lot of frogs to get there.

    I went on a lovely date saturday night, this guy seems to be smitten with me, and is manning up in every way, but I don’t feel attracted to him. I opened up and relaxed, allowed myself to feel my hand holding his warm, dry, stubby hand…I let him kiss me and took myself out of my mind to simply enjoy the way the kiss felt, I practiced expressing gratitude and praising his efforts, but at the end of it, a second date on the horizon and him not only attempting to fix my car, but buy parts for it, I feel like I owe him. And I don’t want to feel like that. He did all this wonderful stuff without me asking, but then told me my bill was sixty-five kisses and he can’t wait to get paid. I feel icky hearing that, the truth is I didn’t enjoy kissing him and I don’t feel interested. Yes, he’s a good man and he wants to take care of me and be masculine, but I deserve to have everything I want, I deserve to have chemistry along with all of that! I can’t lay next to someone I don’t want to kiss just because he’s good. So, now I have to let him down easy, because there is no way I’m paying him in kisses. It feels good to have a man WANT to do things for me, but I kind of wish he was doing them to see me smile, I wish that was enough.

    Guy B- friend zone guy called me spur of the moment tonight to go out to eat, but I’d already had dinner. We chatted for a bit and previously I had expressed interest in this haunted house I wanted to go to, but it’s far away. He said he’d love to go but can’t, but how about we try this other one that is closer. I said, it’s too expensive for me, but he said he has a friend that works there and he’ll talk to him and figure it out….so, great! Ok! I love that right now the men around me have ideas and want to do something about them!! Great! I feel like I’m finally heading in a good direction and inspiring those around me.

    Out of town guy has been texting regularly, he’s very sweet and it’s probably good he doesn’t live here because I could see myself wanting to spend too much time with him and maybe becoming unbalanced. He has a lot of qualities I like in a man, but not 100% and it feels good to say “Maybe” and be playful but vulnerable, yet I know what I want and I know I deserve to have it and I’m not going to compromise any of that. I feel like Im finally starting to understand what strong on the inside and soft on the outside actually is and sounds like.



  50.  #50sweet goddess on October 22, 2014 at 5:54 am

    #43 Dominique

    Your post made me smile and feel relieved and understood. It feels good to be known to you 🙂 Thank you for your clarity, your articulation of what is, and confirming me of the security and love I already do feel in every inch of my being, with my husband and within this marriage.

    So much love your way. x
    SG.



  51.  #51Andrea on October 22, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    Oh Millie, did you see this article yet?? it’s on Valerie’s site. I hope the link works.
    http://www.coachvalarieoryan.com/#!Dont-Abandon-Your-Dream-Relationship-For-A-Man/csw/DC8C7A6C-9BBB-4D42-888F-93C707F12249

    Don’t Abandon your Dream Relationship For a Man. Just what you were saying… Yes! You deserve the ALL. Right?



  52.  #52Mistea1 on October 22, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    Oh my gosh, the looking at him in appreciation technique worked really well. I gave myself permission to just enjoy looking at him. What a turn on. I n addition it helped me to develop such loving positive feelings for him.Then two days later when I saw him again he exuded a lot of positive energy towards me. What a trip. Then he played the music for me for an hour, what lushiousness I got to luxurate in. Twenty four hours later I’m still affected. Thank you to whomever suggested this.



  53.  #53Violette on October 22, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    I spent 4 days with AD. I feel saturated. Tired of him. He’s so intense, so good to me, so doting. And I really judge him. He’s not cultured, we went to a museum and he didn’t know some major painters who are famous, he says I’m cultured and I teach him things and he loves that about me. But I don’t love that about him. I want to be with someone cultured.

    And yet, he’s so wonderful, I don’t see how I can get out of it. I feel like I have to be with him, because I love him.

    And he disgusts me, like I’m the worldly one and he’s the simple one. Yuck.

    Also I find him nice looking but I’ve noticed he gets red sometimes, and I don’t find it attractive. I feel bad about myself for it but I don’t want people to judge me being with him when he looks red.

    Yes I could go on and on about how wonderful it is and how good he is to me. And I’d be devastated to lose him.

    This feels hard and I feel trapped. I’m breathing, allowing the dramatic feelings, knowing I’m growing and these things are coming up for me to heal.

    My most important relationship is the one with myself.



  54.  #54Violette on October 22, 2014 at 5:45 pm

    Yes that is literally what I’m sitting with, can I live with the fact/accept that he’s not cultured? And red? Can the good things outweigh that?



  55.  #55Violette on October 22, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    Actually it helps me when I take marriage off the table for myself. I can be his girlfriend and I don’t feel entrapped, but the idea of marriage with him makes me feel sad. Maybe I don’t have to marry him. I can just be his girlfriend (Ahh, the G word!) and be in a relationship, and enjoy letting him care for me and adore me and spoil me, and be with me. And enjoy having someone, and feeling supported, and bring joy to his life. Why does it have to be as a wife? I’ve become attached to the concept of marriage because I don’t want to find myself giving everything to a man who turns out to not take me seriously, but that is so not what’s happening here. Maybe just knowing that he wants to marry me is enough, for me to not need it.



  56.  #56Azure Blu on October 22, 2014 at 11:09 pm

    Mistea1#51
    Wow it sounds sooo sensual to gaze at your man like that and get such positive results for you and him…

    Andrea had mentioned this before… gazing at your man while he talks with an open, unzipped heart. Gazing at his luscious lips, beautiful eyes, strong jaw..
    I haven’t used that tool yet… it sounds wonderful..



  57.  #57Azure Blu on October 22, 2014 at 11:15 pm

    Violette #52
    Ohhhh… lovely Siren,
    I feel envious of you getting saturated with AD spending 4 days together..
    How I would have loved to do that with Spirit…

    It sounds like it gave you a chance to be triggered and I LOVE what you said”
    “I’m breathing, allowing the dramatic feelings, knowing I’m growing and these things are coming up for me to heal.
    My most important relationship is the one with myself.”
    And what a lovely comfortable place to be: Him wanting Marriage more than you do… Interesting how it seems sooo less urgent then!! :->



  58.  #58Millie on October 22, 2014 at 11:26 pm

    Andrea, yes!!!! That is exactly it! I see fractions of princes in front of me, perhaps they will develop into more, but now I understand what investing in me really feels like while still enjoying what princes have to offer!



  59.  #59Azure Blu on October 22, 2014 at 11:34 pm

    Millie…
    Wow!!! You are using the RR tools like a pro!!

    THis is Sooo authentic and sexy:
    “and it feels good to say “Maybe” and be playful but vulnerable, yet I know what I want and
    I know I deserve to have it and
    I’m not going to compromise any of that. “



  60.  #60Indigo on October 23, 2014 at 12:04 am

    Violette 54,

    “Maybe I don’t have to marry him. I can just be his girlfriend (Ahh, the G word!) and be in a relationship, and enjoy letting him care for me and adore me and spoil me, and be with me. And enjoy having someone, and feeling supported, and bring joy to his life. Why does it have to be as a wife?”

    I feel this way too. I’m not sure whether it’s because I’ve already been married, but I almost don’t feel any attachment to getting married whatsoever. I know it’s “supposed” to be the dream, but for me the dream is the relationship, not the legal contract. I cannot think that marriage would make me trust my perfect man any more than I already would, or that it would improve what to me would already be an ideal relationship. It would more be something I did as a matter of course, to have a nice party and celebration with our family and friends, than a goal in itself.



  61.  #61Victoria on October 23, 2014 at 2:58 am

    Indigo,
    May I share with you something on this topic?
    I read a book a while ago, can’t remember the title now, where the author argues that
    1) the biggest insecurity men have with women is that they do not have a way of knowing whether women are faithul and whether the children they have with a woman are actually their own. This way, if the woman have been unfaithful, the man may end up spending his resources on raising another man’s offspring.
    2) women do not have a “bilogical” need for commitment any more than men; in fact, they do not have the insecurity whether the children are their own genetically
    3) women’s fixation on commitment is a result of slut shaming, which is the only way men can control women’s sexuality, and respectively, appease their own insecurity
    4) women who are comfortable with their own sexuality (i.e. do not buy in the slut-shaming logic) actually do not have an urge for commitment any different than what a man has.
    I found this to be very liberating to my own thinking about commitment, and what I need from a man in order to be happy.



  62.  #62Indigo on October 23, 2014 at 3:09 am

    Victoria,

    Thanks, this is very interesting. I have long suspected that men’s need for commitment in a relationship is every bit as strong as ours. This is in part based on my own experience, where men I have dated have usually been the ones pushing the relationship forward, and a significant proportion of the guys I’ve dated seemed concerned that a relationship would have a future ie. lead to seriousness, marriage and children.

    I am a strong believer in commitment, I just believe it has to come from the heart, not from a piece of paper. When I’m committed from my heart, I’ve noticed that there is zero chance of me being unfaithful, and I’ve noticed the same thing for men. Dominique has a lovely article on what does commitment mean to you?



  63.  #63Victoria on October 23, 2014 at 3:38 am

    Indigo,
    thanks a lot, please send me the link to Dominique’s article if possible!
    I see marriage as an important legal and societal framework suitable for raising children and for relating to the rest of society as a unit (i.e. for tax purposes, social events, etc). It makes sense to me only after commitment is already present, and if both people see the value in it.
    Also, I have the same experience as you: men are as interested in having a fully committed relationship as women. I find myself, more often than not, in a situation in which I get to decide whether I want the relationship to go forward, and if I want to sustain it, I am usually capable of it, but every once in a while, I decide that it is too much effort. I have been dreaming lately of having an effortless relationship, one in which I do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING… But may be it simply does not work this way… I am still learning.



  64.  #64Dominique on October 23, 2014 at 3:55 am

    Victoria – 62 – It took awhile to find this article, as it’s quite old. 🙂 And even though we did get married since the article was written, the level and depth of commitment hasn’t changed. Our relationship has deepened, becoming more profoundly intimate which for me is a different thing, yet they tend to go hand in hand if this makes any sense at all.

    K has always wanted a committed relationship, a forever woman woman, and I know of many men like this, as you’ve experienced for yourself.

    I have found though that it’s not the relationship which feels challenging, which is hard work; this is the easy part. It’s the work on self which can feel so very difficult sometimes, and when this piece is ongoing, the relationship tends to flow – more and more and more morphing and transforming into such a lovely symbiotic heart dance.

    http://sexandheart.com/what-is-commitment/

    xxoo



  65.  #65Victoria on October 23, 2014 at 4:57 am

    Dominique,
    For some reason I am blocked from you server, every time I try to access it, I get a message to that effect.
    I will send now an email to ask for unblocking, I have no idea why I have been blocked, I am really curios and frustrated that I have not been able to access your site.



  66.  #66Dominique on October 23, 2014 at 5:19 am

    Victoria – I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. The person who hosts my site has “cracked down” on potential spam of which there tends to be so much, and now and then, someone like you has trouble accessing. He told me that there’s a notice which pops up giving you instructions. If you are still having problems, please let me know, and I will take care of it for you.

    xxoo



  67.  #67Victoria on October 23, 2014 at 5:27 am

    I sent an email as instructed, and it says try againg in 24 hours :-(… I wish it could be faster.
    By the way, I get this message from most of the sites of the RR coaches (one or two I actually managed to access) – so I hope very much that once they unblock me I will be able to access the others too.
    Thanks for helping me.



  68.  #68Dominique on October 23, 2014 at 5:51 am

    Victoria – yes most of them are going through the same host. please email me, and I will message him, and hopefully we can get this handled sooner.

    if dominique@sexandheart.com doesn’t go through, try dique2dk@gmail.com

    xxoo



  69.  #69Dominique on October 23, 2014 at 5:53 am

    Victoria – yes most of them are going through the same host. please email me, and I will message him, so hopefully we can get this handled sooner.
    dominique@sexandheart.com

    xxoo



  70.  #70Dominique on October 23, 2014 at 5:54 am

    and if that email doesn’t work for the same reason as the inability to access my site, try

    diquec2dk@gmail.com

    xxoo



  71.  #71Violette on October 23, 2014 at 5:21 pm

    Azure Blue and Indigo thank you for your comments on my post. It really is so simple, as usual it feels very good to be heard.

    It really is funny how much I want to pull away from AD since he is coming forward so much. It’s why I want time apart, to feel out what is really going on with me and what is reacting to my own triggers.

    On the phone today I told him I’m getting a little belly because he’s been feeding me so well. It tickled me. His reply was, oh well that’s ok. In the moment it made me furious! I was being adorable and he was acting like there was something wrong with me! But, ugh, I know he has food issues, he used to be heavy, and eat garbage, and his reaction has nothing to do with me, and now my work is to deal with my own reaction…to his reaction. I mean why am I really so upset here…

    Relationship is big work. Bigtime. But that’s what I wanted. I want to grow and get better at being close to a man.



  72.  #72Liquid Light on October 23, 2014 at 6:05 pm

    Regarding gazing at a man, I had an interesting experience with this at work recently. I’ve been working very intensely with a man at work on a project to finalize a design. I don’t normally work with him, he’s in another group and “higher up” than I but it just so happened that he was the one to guide me on this project. It was so much fun to work with him, and he’s just so talented, creative and smart. I really started to admire him more and more as we worked together to work through the design. At the end, after I presented the design to the stakeholder and their response was positive, he stopped by. I sat there feeling so impressed with him and just allowed myself to gaze at him coming from that place and I could tell he got it, he really got my admiration and respect just from a gaze. It was an incredible experience – first that I would let myself express my feelings of admiration like that (it was scary for me to show it) and secondly that he could “feel” my admiration. Absolutely amazing. He’s married and not available and that’s OK. Of course, if he was available, I would be interested because our chemistry is just so nice together. But I’m totally fine with flirting with him and admiring him and it going no further than that, in fact, it feels great and he deserves it. Really he is such a classy gem of a man.

    Anyway, I think what I learned from this is the power of non-verbal communication and how we can communicate deep feelings just by how we look at someone. Wow!



  73.  #73lovetodance on October 23, 2014 at 6:34 pm

    liquid light…so nicely said…energy is so powerful and the energy that emits from our heart out thro our eyes is all that…!
    thank you for sharing….

    i have been playing with looking at men longer

    …letting them know i am looking…sometimes it feels wonderful other times i feel weird…uncomfortable….
    i have been smiling more at them…and they will think/feel whatever…i am letting out my sensual, sexual self or trying to integrate more into the all of me….the sweet, loving, naughty, shy all of me….

    i was raised to be such a nice girl…which is beautiful but that can be sooooo limiting….and not the rich full womanly siren of me….

    it is well pass the time that i learn to get more and more comfortable with embracing the all of me….we learn so early what is ‘okay and not okay’….who is ‘suspect’ in terms of behavior…as in don’t be too flirtatious, or sexy or bold….and bold to me is letting myself look long at a man….and turning away when i feel done….
    oh wow….such big material here for me….



  74.  #74Stephanie on October 24, 2014 at 6:51 am

    Love this Rori, thank you! Posture is something I teach my clients all the time as it’s key for safety with pole fitness, and it makes women feel more confident and down right good!

    @Emerson: I completely understand as I had a lot of unresolved anger, which was causing problems in both my dating and then my relationships. It wasn’t until I worked with a Rori coach (and am now training to be one) that I finally got the Rori’s tools and made them my own. “Pain demands to be expressed.” I learned that the only way out is through. This is what I did and it may help you:

    1. I sat with and felt the emotions.
    2. Noticed where they are in my body. If they have a colour or shape or weight.
    3. I felt them, no matter how uncomfortable.
    4. I cried. I screamed. I yelled at the air, at the walls, in the shower, I got it all out.
    5. I said all the things to everyone and everything that I wanted to say.
    6. I collapsed from all the anger being released and then I felt lighter, free and happier.
    7. Now, when I have anger or icky feelings, I explore them on my own, express them and then if need be share them with the person involved. Sometimes, I call my bestie and get them all out and ask her to hold the garbage bag and simply be a witness for me.

    The only way out is through, and I’m so glad that I made it through. I attracted my ex back, the man who is the love of my life, we are happy and things are the best they have ever been.

    It’s all okay, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be, place your hand on your heart and know that love is looking for you as you are looking for love xo



  75.  #75Stephanie on October 24, 2014 at 7:01 am

    @Violette: I hear you as I used to close down and push away anytime a man got too close. I learned through one-on-one coaching to Unzip My Heart and practice leaning back in the Rori Raye Dance Position with an Open Heart while my man or any man comes close to me. I breathe into my body and learn to feel grounded and safe while a man comes close. It helped me so much to have my coach on the other end of the phone while I was being triggered to take me through the exercise.

    You are super wise, insightful and intuitive. You’re amazing for recognizing your triggers, yeah!

    Could it be possible that he was responding to your sentiment sweetly when you expressed about your belly. Masculine men use very few words. They are succinct, authentic and to the point. What if he meant it in a reassuring “I still adore you” way?

    When we assume the best about others, it changes our energy and attracts the same to us.

    I think your bang on with recognizing that it triggered you. Slather your belly with love, slather the situation with love, and you’re doing great!



  76.  #76Violette on October 24, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    Stephanie thank you for your comment. It’s true it feels weird…almost intolerable having this man all over me!

    I want to explain, I love my belly. I can afford a little more belly. I felt triggered that something I like about my body was something he thought he needed to reassure me about.

    Ooh, I really don’t like it when people assume I feel bad about myself when I feel good about myself. Yeah, that’s a trigger.

    Not to mention how annoying I find it when other people don’t love their own bodies. I judge others for judging their own bodies, people sound insane to me when they do that, and I don’t want anyone putting that on me.

    Yes I can acknowledge that it’s a trigger, but I don’t like to. I feel more comfortable feeling self righteous about it.

    But really the top part of your post felt so good to read thank you.



  77.  #77Victoria on October 26, 2014 at 12:35 am

    @Violette
    I really relate to what you are saying. I love my body and I expect other people to do the same about theirs. I also have a little belly, but the rest of me is long and graceful, and I think as a whole I make on beautiful woman, and mybelly is the sign that I love food and i love life and i am a living breathing woman and not a photo-shoped image 🙂



  78.  #78Victoria on October 26, 2014 at 12:42 am

    Also, I feel upset when I see women who have obvious cosmetic surgery. There is this woman at my gym, in her 20s, who has huge breast implants, sylicone in her lips, and enormous hair extensions, and i think to myself, why why do you have to cut your body and put strange things inside it but so many women do it, may be it really is effective, and if so, that is so discouraging about men…



  79.  #79Indigo on October 26, 2014 at 3:14 am

    Victoria,

    Obviously I can’t speak for men, but my personal suspicion is that they find the real, natural woman without all those enhancements more attractive. The ones who are only attracted to silicone, botox and plastic surgery would not be men I’d be interested in anyway. For my part, I think women with their natural quirks and asymmetries, who feel confident and happy in their bodies are SO much more beautiful. I think a bit of make up or a great outfit or a lovely hairdo to give yourself a bit of a boost are wonderful, but when I see women who have tried to change themselves into someone else it makes me sad.



  80.  #80Poppy on October 30, 2014 at 6:19 pm

    Thank you for sharing. This felt amazing, and I will try it right away…



  81.  #81Melanie on November 5, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    I love this! I feel so inspired. Thank you x