Give Thanks For You

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It’s so easy to say “Be Thankful” when you’re feeling good and thankful…but I know that if you’re feeling blue…you don’t really feel like thanking anyone for anything.

When you’re not really feeling ‘blessed,” it’s challenging to say your blessings.

And yet – that’s the way out of the rubble.ย  That’s the way from the blues to the greens to the yellows, the oranges, the reds….the whole rainbow.

Here’s a simple Exercise my coach, Ryan Eliason, gave me long ago – it’s called The Three Blessings:

Before bed, simply find three things you might consider as blessings in your life, and say them.

For me, I could see my dog and say I feel blessed to have my dog near me. I could feel blessed that I had a good dinner and a glass of water. I could feel blessed to have a window next to the bed, so I can see green plants and flowers.

The next night, it might be three different things.ย  Makes no difference how big or small. The point is just to bring your attention to something that you can think of like a blessing and that feels like a blessing (no matter what else the thought of anything at all being a blessing triggers in you).

If you try to think of the Three Blessings exercise as a way to “think positively” – you’ll trigger yourself more intensely – so try “formatting” it for yourself this way…

It’s just a way to sort of “clear the lens” you’re looking at the world through.

A way to “readjust” the projector of your perspective.

A way to “reset” your “internal viewpoint.”

A way to work with your mind, instead of focusing on your circumstances.

If you look at the exercise in this gentle way, and do it gently – you might find it kind of fun and good feeling.

For me – my first blessing is you. The fact that you’re here, that you’re a part of this community, that you care, that you’re sharing love and honoring other women and working hard to change your “view” and try new thoughts on for size, that you’re willing to dive deep into the inner sea of your feelings and let them carry you through the world – that’s magic.

For me, Thanksgiving as a tradition means nothing.

What counts for me is that with a “holiday,” we have a moment where so many of us can say “Thanks” to something – all at the same time. So my thanks in this moment is for the possibility that exists for each of us – no matter what things look like from behind our “lens.”

Let me know what your Three Blessings are tonight, and though I don’t believe I have any power to bless, if I did, it would feel incredible to be able to shower you all with blessings…so, because it feels so good to even consider it – I’ll just do it.

Blessings to you!

Love, Rori

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272 Comments

  1.  #1Gigi on November 24, 2010 at 8:15 am

    Thanks, Rori! What a wonderful message!

    Even though I’m just waking up this morning and still siting in bed, I am thankful that I did my Thanksgiving shopping and errands yesterday, because it’s cold and raining today. I’m also thankful that I don’t have to go to work today. And, I just got a phone call to do a job on Monday morning. So, I am feeling very thankful right now! Thank you universe!

    I am wishing good things and hopefulness and love in thankfulness to all!

    Happy Thanksgiving!



  2.  #2Meemee on November 24, 2010 at 8:46 am

    What an inspiring message.
    Thank you Rori.
    This night my three blessings are
    1. A place which can not be found in any maps or globe, called the Siren Island- a place where I can be totally myself and share things that I never thought I will share in my life.
    2. My apartmentmate who said she will cook for me and said with lots of concern that I look really tired and I need some rest today.
    3. My laptop and the internet connection which gives me a sense of independance.

    Meemee



  3.  #3Mercedes on November 24, 2010 at 9:01 am

    Awwww…this is very sweet. Today I am thankful for:

    1. Getting to spend amazing quality time with my children this weekend.

    2. A boyfriend who is fun to travel with so the LONG drive tomorrow will be full of laughter, music and conversation.

    3. People who are working at drive thru restaurants instead of being with their families so J and I can get a bite to eat on the road. (Chicken sandwich…it’s the closest thing to turkey you can get at a fast food restaurant…lol)

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  4.  #4Honey on November 24, 2010 at 9:02 am

    Meemee –

    I have been thinking of you and keeping tabs on you since I stopped posting. I just finished reading all of you messages plus the messages written to you on the other thread. If I were there with you, I would give you a big hug. Oh, you are doing so well. Please don’t beat yourself up when you feel you don’t handle things perfectly. You have come so incredibly far in a short time.

    I have felt so much compassion for you as your story has come out more and more. You are so brave to share this and to reach out for help.

    OF COURSE you feel tied to this man. He is your first lover and you know nothing else. And you have been with him for 3 years. And, OMG, is he smooth – he knows how to use words and touch to make everything “seem” ok. It would be hard to not get trapped by what he says and does. But you won’t…you have already come too far and you are not alone.



  5.  #5Turtle Girl on November 24, 2010 at 9:12 am

    Thankful for:

    A place to go on Thanksgiving day and have a meal with good friends

    Hot tea and electricity when it’s 13 degrees outside and everything is frozen and frigged.

    A car that still starts the first time.



  6.  #6Simply Shannon on November 24, 2010 at 9:12 am

    I just wrote this message to my bible study girls this morning…

    “Constant gratitude also shows humility because when we are thankful, we magnify God instead of magnifying our problems.”

    We can choose to focus on what is wrong/missing in our life, or we can choose to focus on the million ways we are blessed. Which one are you choosing today?

    How fitting!

    1. I feel grateful for my toothbrush.
    2. I feel grateful for the sparkly lights on my Christmas tree (which is already up! Yeah me!)
    3. I feel grateful for my church and all who serve there.



  7.  #7Honey on November 24, 2010 at 9:16 am

    Meemee –

    When a REAL man REALLY makes love to you, it will not be painful. You will feel loved and cherished in every way. He will not enter you until you are ready. He will not TAKE sex from you…his greatest desire will be to please YOU. If something hurts, he will stop and do something else. He will want to fullfill you in every way, and the lovemaking will be a physical expression of what is in his heart and what he wants to share with you in all areas of your life together. You will feel completely CHERISHED.

    There is sex and there is making love. It is ok to have sex with someone else if you want to. But I hope you will wait until the right guy comes along that really wants to make love with you instead…I want you to know the difference.

    Someday you will find the right guy. Honestly, the way you right you sound so incredibly special. You are both a woman of intelligence AND great sensibility. Whoever captures your heart will be a lucky man, and he will know it. You ARE a princess, and I’m glad you are starting to see it.

    Meemee, be gentle with yourself regarding your PhD work. You will get back to it when you are feeling stronger. Breaking free of this is taking so much energy. Plus you are changing inside, and change takes energy and time for meditation. There is no way around this. Once you are free, you will have MORE energy than before you started your race for freedom, and you will catch up.

    I’m thinking that the stress you are under might be affecting your alergies. Stress can do horrible things to the body. But this will get better in time.

    If you can, please try to get out on Sunday to be around other men. Dress up and get looking pretty, then look in the mirror and say, “Damn, I look good.” Then go out. It would be great to see what it’s like. You are a princess. You are a prize. I would love for you to experience that.



  8.  #8Honey on November 24, 2010 at 9:17 am

    Meemee –

    Remember Forrest…you are breaking free…

    Run, Meemee, Run…

    Lots of hugs…



  9.  #9marina on November 24, 2010 at 9:40 am

    Hi Rori and Sirens,

    What a great post,and so true ๐Ÿ™‚
    Wishing all of you on Sirens Island a happy (Thanksgiving)Day!!!

    My BF always wakes up happy.While I usually am very grumpy for at least 1hour. I asked him why he is always happy and he said:

    I am thankful that I am alive and can live another day ๐Ÿ™‚

    So whenever I wake up grumpy,I think of that comment and at least it makes me smile ๐Ÿ™‚

    Right now I am grateful to have food at home so I don’t have to go through the darn cold and rainy weather for groceries;

    I am grateful for my mother, who bought me a beautiful wintercoat of Desigual, it actually says Life is happy on the back;

    I am grateful for my climbing buddies,I always enjoy climbing with them and I do love climbing so much;

    I am grateful for my girlfriends, for their wisdom,
    support,honesty and the happy times we spent together;

    I am grateful for my boyfriend, his patience with me and the way he always knows how to entertain me;

    And I am so grateful for you Rori, for you Sirens and for this website. You inspire me and give me hope! My Mum gave me a book on Bad Guys and how to recognize them. It is an awful book. After reading it
    I felt like I could no longer trust any man. And even worse, that I would never have a normal relationship, at least not before I have worked through all the (bad)experiences in my life. I felt like I am not good enough yet.
    Iam so glad that I found this website and that you give us practical advice and a different outlook on life that feels so safe and easy!

    So I have started to make a list of the bad experiences that I have had with my boyfriends. I wrote down what happened. How it made me feel at that time (which I usually never acknowledged or showed,but did act upon) and how I would go about it this time, the Rori way. This is what feels right to me now, this is what healing is for me now.
    Thank you again! I will soon be back to relax and have fun, learn and heal at Siren Island.

    Ciao, Marina



  10.  #10Simply Shannon on November 24, 2010 at 9:47 am

    I feel angry.

    Don’t tell me to run. I am MUCH stronger than anyone can imagine. I can handle whatever comes my way, be it a man, a problem, etc. I’ve got God on my side, and I’ll be darned if I’m going to run away anymore.

    Thank you Honey for triggering me.

    Hehe. Just had the image of Forrest reaching the end zone and the crowd saying “STOP”. That’s me. No more running. Scared as hell but not running.

    I am a solid oak tree rooted into the ground. A tree does not run. Even when the hurricane comes.



  11.  #11Meemee on November 24, 2010 at 9:57 am

    Honey,
    Every time, believe me everytime, I came here on this blog, I looked for you.
    I felt sad when I did not find you.
    Thanks Honey. I feel so happy that you posted for me. I feel so happy that you read my posts.
    Thanks
    Love you.
    Now lemme read your posts
    I could not help writing this before I read what you have written ๐Ÿ™‚
    Meemee



  12.  #12Meemee on November 24, 2010 at 10:10 am

    Honey.
    When I read your post I could feel you hugging me tight.
    I could FEEL it.
    I dont know why, I am tearful.
    I feel overwhelmed.
    Meemee



  13.  #13Meemee on November 24, 2010 at 10:21 am

    Hey
    Anyone read Steig Larsson’s Girl With the Draggon Tattoo series?
    I am watching the movie adaptation now. I am not liking the movie as much I liked the books ๐Ÿ™
    Meemee



  14.  #14Leo on November 24, 2010 at 10:30 am

    I feel thankful for and about about:

    1) having an awesome hobby that gives pleasure, health and a lot of fun (racing biking)

    2) the chance to get some relaxing me-time in the sauna

    3) and the red candle that makes me smile right now



  15.  #15Jas on November 24, 2010 at 11:42 am

    Hey Sirens, This is a bit off-topic, but I need some advice/feedback. So, some of you may know that I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me a week ago. I’ve broken it off with him but of course I’m still sad/mad etc. A day after I brokeup with him I found out about Rori and I’ve jumped right in to the tools. Well, one of the guys I gave my number to (we haven’t gone on a date yet) called me yesterday and while we were chatting he asked me if I was dating anyone. I told him yes, I am dating and keeping my options open. So then I asked him if he was and he says “Yes, I have a girlfriend, she just moved in with me 2 months ago, but it’s not going well.” (what?!) I listened to him as he was describing the situation. I thought about Rori’s tools about keeping an open heart and not being judgemental. When he was done I told him that i didn’t feel comfortable sneaking around, and if he and his girlfriend had an arrangement where they could date other people, then it would be ok. But if she didn’t know I don’t feel good about that. So he says “Well, if you and I date and we hit it off, I will then tell her I am dating some one and I will break it off with her.” I told him that i appreciate his honesty with me and I need to think a bit, but could we talk after Thanksgiving? He said no prob and I hung up. Here’s the thing: i don’t understand his reasoning, why not be up front and tell the person you’re with that you want to date others? Why would he want to see if we “hit it off” and then do it? Also, I don’t want him to break up with his girl thinking WE could be exclusive. I plan on CDing. period. And since I just got CHEATED on myself 7 days ago, I find it VERY curious that the universe is bringing this situation in my life. What does this mean???



  16.  #16The Nikita Show on November 24, 2010 at 11:56 am

    Jas,

    A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.



  17.  #17Jas on November 24, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    Nikita – lol…this makes alot of sense! I guess it’s why most guys wouldn’t leave till they have a replacement?



  18.  #18Nikita on November 24, 2010 at 12:06 pm

    i too have done this, unintentionally…-(another reason circular dating rocks…)…. except with jobs LOL!

    I just leave those…



  19.  #19Nikita on November 24, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    that’s why rori calls it the “girlfriend trap”….because this other girl may or may not have a surprise coming she may or may not be prepared for…

    make sense?



  20.  #20Jas on November 24, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    Makes total sense. Wow, I feel so lucky to have found out about this website! I feel so empowered ๐Ÿ™‚



  21.  #21janjune on November 24, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    rori, i just love this (and you!):

    “Thatโ€™s the way from the blues to the greens to the yellows, the oranges, the redsโ€ฆ.the whole rainbow.”

    i just found a rainbow photo i had kept and taped it to my bedroom mirror as a reminder for now until the visual sets in and becomes part of me that yes! we do have reds and pinks and lavendars and lime and oranges!!

    such a beautiful visual and so easy to apply.

    i feel thankful for these things you share with us here.
    for my family
    for warmth and comfort from those i love and that im able to give love and comfort to them too.



  22.  #22Laughing Goddess on November 24, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    I am thankful for

    -My life. All the wonderful things
    -My funny friends
    -My sweet lover
    -My precious dog
    -My comfy home
    -My family
    -oh my gosh! there is so much, I don’t even know where to start!

    =-)



  23.  #23Mercedes on November 24, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    Jas: “i donโ€™t understand his reasoning, why not be up front and tell the person youโ€™re with that you want to date others? Why would he want to see if we โ€œhit it offโ€ and then do it?”

    I think it’s because this is the type of guy who needs a backup plan. For now, he wants you to be the backup plan and his live-in girlfriend will be plan A. If the two of you hit it off, you’ll become his new plan A and and another girl will be plan B.

    Sounds to me like this is a very insecure man who needs two women (one willing to hide and the other not willing to share him) so his ego can be fed. Not many guys get away with the “have your cake and eat it too” lifestyle, but from at one time being J’s in-the-dark Plan A who wouldn’t have shared him, I can tell you that type of guy…unless he does a whole lotta work…isn’t worth most any woman’s time.

    I’m feeling “EWWWWW” written all over that.

    LOL

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  24.  #24Daria on November 24, 2010 at 12:23 pm

    I feel sad reading that Roti doesn’t believe she has the power to bless – I feel glad she imagined it anyway… And there it is.

    I feel blessed to believe we all have the power to bless… And that this is a good thing,

    I feel blessed for my scar.

    I feel blessed for my mom and how she truly helped me yesterday.

    I notice I often approach my mom with intentions to mother her or protect her. I am practicing imagining her as a divine mother figure to Me. She really came thru for me yesterday.



  25.  #25Brenda on November 24, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    I am thankful for

    1. My friends on Siren Island, and all I have learned from all of you.

    2. That my desktop computer was fixable so I will still have a computer after I leave this job Nov. 30th.

    3. The job I don’t yet have!

    Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

    Love and huggies,
    Brenda



  26.  #26janjune on November 24, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    and i just have to report ooh, another breakthrough!!!!! i just can’t believe how fast this works when things start to shift!!

    ive been dealing with a healthcare sitch for my loved one, can’t get the services this one needs
    so… since Monday i’ve been dealing with the company and, its been all men i had to deal with…
    well anyway,
    FOR THE FIRST TIME! I was able to stay strong on the inside, soft on the outside… three days!, four levels of management!, they called me this morning and told me to come in this date or that or that, take my pick, and we would work out the details of my loved ones care!!!
    i can’t contain my tears thinking about it! dripping ๐Ÿ™‚ haha!!

    i told them i would come in today and have my appointment in a few minutes i will be leaving but had to jump on here before the holiday weekend and give the good news!

    which of course is the healthcare situation but is also that soft on the outside, strong on the inside works to help men, even in situations other than dating, hear what you’re actually saying! because these men were just trying to stuff this into the corporate box when my loved one needs care “outside” the box…
    i was even able to laugh about it when we were talking, not at them, just at the situation of having to take this “big box” solution that doesn’t fit.

    now they’re like, oh come in we’re going to sit down, bring this and this and we’ll get this set up and oh, and we can do this and this too!

    i Am surprised.

    they are offering even more than i asked ๐Ÿ™‚

    i hope all the goddesses have a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend!!



  27.  #27janjune on November 24, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    ooh daria, i love this

    “I am practicing imagining her as a divine mother figure to Me.”

    im going to go see my mom this afternoon, im going to do that!



  28.  #28Jas on November 24, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    Mercedes -yup…ewwww, indeed..well, I hope I will start to attract more worthy men through CDing.



  29.  #29Brenda on November 24, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    Janjune,

    Congratulations for your success using your femininity tools to get help! I am happy for you!



  30.  #30Brenda on November 24, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    I picture Rori like our divine mother! Thanks for all you do for us, Rori! I am blessed to be a part of your wonderfulness!



  31.  #31Daria on November 24, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    Janjune I feel jealous and curious – can u give some examples of the words and attitude you used with the corporate men?



  32.  #32Leo on November 24, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    I got a little tiny problem here and not sure how to handle the situation.
    It’s just this little tiny stuff I try to act right in as a start, but still so insecure.

    My boyfriend and I were emailing about when I am gonna come over to his house tomorrow (he works night shift so usually sleeps in till 2p.m.-ish)
    And I said: I feel insecure and unsure about when to come (either after class 2.30 or earlier cause I really miss him and would love to see him earlier).
    But then this thoughts come about…my insecurity.
    I mean: If I want so see him earlier: Just go for it.
    But I rethink everything, like: I know he needs his rest, so maybe not go there too early. Well, i could go earlier and lay down with him (as i have often done) but he aint feeling good tonight so he would really need his rest.
    And I might be even a little afraid of… i dont know…his reaction….that it might not be “convenient” to him…

    So I rethink everything about HIM. Which I am not suppossed.

    So, then he answered my email and asked why I feel insecure. Is it about him or my current emotional situation (lot stuff going on lately).

    I don’t know how to answer that…
    I know I shouldnt think about what he might think, and just act “how I want”. So in that case I prolly wouldnt tell him that I am insecure about “me doing everything I can to make his situation the best, most comfortable, he-doesnt-need-to-worry-about.

    I don’t know…



  33.  #33Leo on November 24, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    well… I just send him another email.
    Cause he said he knows that I am not totally me lately, which makes him think too, and he hopes that at some point I will tell him whats going on with me.
    Although I dont really know. Often I feel things, but I cant grab them or put them into words.

    So now i just send an email with like an BIIIIIIG inside into my heart….and it’s a lot of insecurity that i feel. And that I dont really know the reason, that till now I am just guessing and trying to figure out.

    and now I just sit here kinda crying…but smiling….cause right now I do know what I feel. And that’s vunerability….big time….
    And I am afraid of what he thinks…that he might be scared off…. or thinks its all his fault, which it is not…



  34.  #34Simply Shannon on November 24, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    Jas, you stated your boundary. Dude/The Universe is testing you on it. You said I feel uncomfortable doing XYZ, and he gave you an alternative (a nice to have but not quite perfect option). Now you get to decide if this is really a boundary, i.e. where you really draw the line. Do you want to date a man who has a girlfriend?

    This message is brought to you courtesy of The Universe, enabling you to get clear about this boundary. ๐Ÿ™‚



  35.  #35Dede on November 24, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    Thank You Rori and Blessings to You and all of the Sirens on this island!

    I am thankful for the way this site empowers me.
    I am thankful for the hope I have in my heart and that I am sitting here enjoying this moment.
    I am thankful for the turkey and fixings I have in my refrigerator just waiting to be prepared and shared with loved ones.



  36.  #36marina on November 24, 2010 at 3:16 pm

    I feel a bit awkward. I have written a very long post on how I feel my family’s past affects my (love)life, but it feels a bit out of place to post all of it here, especially with all the Thanksgiving happiness.

    Also, I want to write about my current relationship, the one I am in right now, but it feels like I should be talking to my BF instead of about him. I guess I would like to have all of your approval to post it here, LOL.

    But I feel already so supported, I am gonna post it anyway..sooner or later



  37.  #37marina on November 24, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    Well, here it goes…. it is currently bedtime here, so I will post more on my current relationship…tomorrow ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I am working through some old things my self. I have read quite a few posts here on the website, but cannot remember to have read much on the example that our parents give us. I feel like I should introduce myself with my and my family’s story.
    I feel like I am a bit of a mess right now, but I am very excited to heal myself and take up the Siren journey with you ladies! I am sure that this will be quite a long post, please feel free to scroll down to the next comment if you don’t feel like reading it, I just have to get this off my chest for now.

    I feel very angry and very sad about what my Mum told me this weekend and I feel confused on how it has affected my life.
    My parents were divorced when I was 4, we went back to my Mum’s Northwestern European country while my Dad stayed in his Mediterrean country.

    I always thought that my Mum lhad the intenion to leave my Dad temporarily, because they didn’t have much money and that she was going to make some money and return. I know my grandparents didn’t like her to be married to him and I always thought that they had talked her in to staying here. And that she felt resentful towards them for quite some time (for being treated like a child that couldn’t make her own decisions), even though they supported her and us in every way possible. My grandparents have had a very happy life together, even though in the beginning it wasn’t easy.

    My Mum now told me that when she and my Dad were married and my brother was born (after me) my father cheated on her, several times.
    She found out about it and confronted him with it. He just said it wasn’t true (even while she read postcards that the other women had sent him).
    He was and has always been a real player, and has always been proud of it.
    He actually tells my brothers that this is what a real man should do, showing them the places he used to take these girls.
    My oldest brother used to be disgusted by this, since he is more of a romantic.
    But he has now put his natural charm into doing the exact same thing and actually boasts about it everytime he returns from his journeys.
    I feel happy that he shares with me his stories. But I also feel sad to see that he is living his life in such a restless way and always is butterflying from one girl to the next.
    I know he brings them joy and he benefits from it as well. Still, I don’t see how this makes him more of a man.
    His first love was a big love and I guess he needs a very strong woman to help him open his heart again. Until that day, his heart belongs to the world.
    My younger brother is more intelligent and nerdy, he has never been that close with my Dad and will probably not follow in his steps.
    I have quite a good friendship with both my brothers.

    My father treated my Mum very bad, swearing and saying she was no good and that we were bastard kids.
    That she didn’t bring him any money and that he hated her country. He was spoilt very much by his parents.
    When I heard this, I felt so sorry for her. I feel angry towards him for having treated her that way.
    He treated my brothers and me the same when we were younger, saying we are no good, that he hates our country.
    Whenever we came to spent the summer holidays at his place. That we were no good for nothing, that we were sleeping away our lives.
    And on the other hand he always welcomes us at his house, he is very friendly and charming and has a great hospitality, his new wife finds this important too.
    Whenever something important happens in my life he will know (bc my Mum tells him or he reads it on my FB) and he will call me and ask how I am doing and tell me that he is always keeping an eye on me. Whenever I am there, his friends will tell us that he is so proud of his kids.
    I find it hard to separate the relationship that I have with my Dad now, from what I now know about his past relationship with my Mum.

    Should I ask him his side of the story? I don’t know.
    Sometimes I wish I would not know all of this, but at least I understand why they are no longer together.

    I feel also angry with my Mum sometimes, why did she choose someone that treated her this badly?
    Why didn’t she stand up for herself? Why didn’t she set a good example?
    Why did she cling on to him years after they were divorced?
    Instead of healing herself and finding a better men for her and a better father for us.
    She now tells me she was afraid she would not find a good man.
    Looking around at how her divorced girlfriends were doing,
    having all kind of troubled men as stephfathers to their children.

    I was always my Dad’s little girl. Even though he was disappointed that I, his first child, was a girl instead of a boy (yes, very traditional) at first.
    I remember I felt so angry towards him when my parents got divorced.
    I remember sitting in the airplane at 4 years old and feeling that he was the one leaving us,
    even though it was the other way round. I have felt this anger towards him for years.
    Every time I had to talk to him on the phone and even after the first few times that we saw him again during our summer holidays.
    When I got bigger, I started feeling this anger mixed with hatred, fear and disrespect towards all men and boys.

    I used to be in love with guys all of the time, like every teenage girl.
    And poof, somehow my hatred towards men disappeared.
    I just started acting like the good girl, the sweet girl, the innocent girl.
    Burying my anger. Thinking that if I would behave nice, doing and acting like I was supposed to do, I would be rewarded with what it was I wanted.

    I felt that I was a special child, innocent like Maria, and I could get away with pretty much everything.
    Terrorising my brothers and convincing my Mum I was innocent.
    My girlfriends at that time also used to think that I was such a sweet girl, with no bad thoughts or whatsoever.
    I really had a strong sense of good and bad too.

    When I turned 19, I went though a terrible depression. I had my high school diploma. I didn’t know what studies to choose.
    I should be happy to start living my own life. But I felt so helpless and scared, I didn’t know how to live my own life
    (I wasn’t taught to take care of myself) or what I wanted.
    Some of it wasn’t my own, I lived out my Mum’s depression as well I guess.
    Sometimes I still can’t tell what is her life and what are her feelings and what is my life and what are my feelings.
    I hope that will get more clear once I start to feel my feelings with Rori’s tools.

    I am quite sensitive. While I was laying on my bed, I couldn’t get my self to get up and do something for 1 year, I was reliving my youth.
    It was like I relived everytime my Mum was screaming at us. Yelling she couln’t take it anymore. That she would run away.
    That she would kill herself. I was a very slow eater. Sometimes she would through our plates against the wall behind us.
    Or from the balcony. Yes, the 3 of us were not very easy as kids. Stubborn. And she had to take care of us all by herself, without a man to help her.
    Now don’t get me wrong, I feel like I should defend her. My Mum is a very nice woman, all of my friends actually like her.
    I know she gave all her best to raise us. She did her best to make sure we had a roof over our heads, she made our clothes,
    we had different hobbies.She told us how important school was. We had friends who could come over.
    I know she loved and loves us, but it was very hard for her and sometimes she took it out on us.
    She is a very intelligent woman, she just never learned how to love herself and take care of herself and never showed us how to that.
    I know she wanted to study history very badly, but she never allowed herself to put money and time in it and has had crappy jobs that she hates.

    I had some therapy at that time. But I never really talked about all that. I learned some of The Work by Byron Katie, but it didn’t click at that time.
    It had gotten so far that I had to learn how to be social again, since I had just been hiding in my bedroom.
    I couldn’t really talk with (girl)friends about what had happened.
    I just didn’t know how to talk about it. I can talk about it now, I usually make jokes about, I laugh away the pain.
    I went to study, while still living at home. I started working at a flowershop.
    The lady who owned the place has had a rough life herself, we could relate and she gave me some wisdom, which I am grateful for.

    How has this affected my life?
    I never wanted to get in an argument, since I thought I would lose a person as a friend or loved one through an argument.
    I used to tell myself, I wil not get married like my parents did, so I don’t have to go through a divorce like they did (very simple childs thought, I know).
    (I have to admit that when I attended the wedding of one of my best friends last year,I suddenly could see what it is like if 2 people who love eachother
    get married and share their happiness with friends and family, awesome ๐Ÿ™‚

    I find it very hard to set my boundaries. I find it very hard to distinguish myself from other people.
    I take over other peoples emotions very quickly. I feel responsible most of the time. I always try to understand people, or to calm them down.

    I find it hard to protect myself. I sometimes trust people to easy, feel connected to people very easily.
    Sometimes I find it very hard to trust myself, and to share who I really am.
    For years I used to think that I wasn’t good enough, feeling I should always wear a mask. I also didn’t want to show myself,
    afraid I would not be accepted and be hurt for who I am. I suppose I was not accepting myself.
    I was always pretending. Enthousiastic about everything.I never wanted to spoil something by being critical or anything that was not positive.
    Didn’t want to offend people or didn’t want people to feel bad (about me).
    I never understood why people wanted to be friends with me, I am glad I have some friends, but usually they took the initiative to be friends.
    Most of the things in my life happen to me, instead of me pursuing my dreams.

    I feel very loyal to my work, even though I don’t like it.
    I was very bored out at my work, many days I would stay at home and say I was not feeling well, or say I had some meetings outside of the office.
    Sometimes I stil do so and get away with it.

    There are quite some things I want out of life, I just don’t know how to get there.

    Most of all, I find it hard to have a good time. Especially when I am by myself.
    And I take the wrong things too serious.

    How has this affected my love life? (I can laugh about the many mistakes I made, no worries ๐Ÿ˜‰ I just need to put in perspective now.

    I had my first BF when I was 20 and he was 24. We met at a birthdayparty of one of my friends. I had been ill. I had no make up on. I was not on the lookout.
    I was open and easy to approach (Isnt it funny, I always meet guys who become BF’s when I am not on the lookout)
    He was also still living with his parents.
    I was so happy to have a BF and to be able to have sex and experiment. Actually after 6 months I got bored with him.
    But I was afraid to leave him and to be alone.
    I was never in love with him, but tried myself to be so, we were very lovey dovey.
    I never made an argument. I never really showed him how I felt when I felt bad.
    One time he forced me to have sex, I said no, I wasn’t in the mood, we didn’t have time.
    But he just wanted a quickie and was proud of it afterwards.
    He used to tell me he was so happy with the female attention he was getting since he was in a relationship with me.
    He was very dependent of his parents. They were very strict on him, since he had a lack of selfdiscipline.
    One time I stayed at their place without them knowing it. I was ignoring my intuition, a very strong voice telling me to get out there and go home.
    His Mum found us in the middle of lovemaking. It was so embarrasing. His father sent me home, they treated me like I was a bad girl.
    He never stood up for me, afraid they would kick him out of the house.
    We didn’t travel the world or anything, he was like an evening or night kind of person. We went out with his or my friends, partying, dancing, staying up late.
    And then the next (Satur)day I would have to work at the flowershop and felt like a zombie.
    But, hey, I was a boundaryless partygirl.
    I fell in love with one of his best friends. Only for a couple of days.
    He was a great guy, warm and honest and a bit macho. We clicked, I understood him, I felt safe with him. I fell in love. I didn’t tell him.
    It was a message of what I needed, of what I was lacking with BF1.
    BF1 fell in love with another girl. She was so perfect, happy, sweet herself, pure.I liked her too, I couldn’t be mad at her for being who she was.
    He asked me if he could try it with her and if it didn’t work out, could he get back to me?
    My heart broke, I was devastated. I thought he would love me if I would be more like her. I tried to be more like her. (Instead of loving myself like she loved herself)
    His best friends told me he had been kissing another girl. All his friends knew, except me, I felt so stupid.
    After some months I met my 2nd BF, I started having an affair with him while I was still with BF1.
    After 2,5 years I broke up with BF1.I was sad when I thought bout my situation with BF1. We had outgrown eachother and got more and more irritated.
    I was in 7th heaven when I thought about BF2. Having both feelings of joy and of grief was very confusing.
    I thought we should stay friends. I felt bad and felt sorry for him.
    But I couldnt stay friends, I couldn’t force myself to do so. He came to my birthday, uninvited. I felt he only came to see my BF2, who wasn’t there at the time.
    He stayed for hours and kept on talking. After that I sent him an email, telling him I let him talk, while I was so fed up with him talking for hours.
    He was furious and said I had stamped on his heart.
    He was a blah blah guy. He could get away with everything.After graduating, he blahblahed himself in a managing job in China, it was his first job!
    He already had a new girlfriend. While he was in China, he cheated on her, with chinese hookers, inviting them to his hotelroom.
    One of these girls stole his money, jewelry, mobile phone, camera. He told his best friends. They told his girlfriend. She told his parents and broke up with him.
    I was so glad I was no longer in a relationship with this guy.

    BF2
    Mister very strong sexual atraction (If you ever read Les vaisseaux du coeur by Benoite Groult, you know what kind of strong sexual atraction I am talking about).
    I fell in love with BF2 when I was 12 years old. He was 19 and my brothers scouting leader. All the other girls were in love with the other scouting leader, his best friend
    (this is what teenage girls do, do you remember ๐Ÿ˜‰ But I was in love with him. He was a daredevil, always having fun and doing crazy stuff. He was strong and had beautiful brown eyes and a happy smile. I remember one evening at the JOTA (jamboree on the air) where we were sitting in the same room and we kept staring in each others eyes for such a long time, without anybody noticing it. A week after that, I was 14 at that point, I learned that he would move to the other side of the country. I felt terrible.
    I needed to tell him I was in love with him, my heart was breaking from the thought of never seeing him and never telling him.
    Surprisingly enough, he had feelings for me too, or at least he wanted to give it a try.
    It had to be all in secret of course, since he was 21 and I was 14 and this wasn’t supposed to happen at scouting.
    The day after I told him, we went for a walk with my dog. We walked for hours.
    At the end, we kissed. It was the 2nd time I kissed someone and it felt so great, I can still feel his hands on me, feel his breathe, remeber him looking at me with his beautiful
    brown eyes, see his face move closer to me, feel his lips touch my lips.
    And remember my dog jumping up and down and barking, haha.
    From that moment on, when he walked away, I could feel there was a string between him and me, it started at my belly.
    For years after that, without him telling me, I would feel if he was around (he still came back to scouting many times).
    I didn’t know what to do. I was confused. I had been in love for such a long time. And now we could date. But it had to be in secret and he was living on the other side of the country. And he was 21 and I was 14. He gave me his address and phonenumber. I called him once.
    After 2 weeks he came to see me. He even called my school. I felt it was never going to work out, not in secret, not like this.
    I wanted to talk about it with him. But the moment I saw him, I told him it was over. I never saw him grow that small. His heart broke.
    I wanted to take back my words, but I couldn’t. For years and years after that, I felt bad. I was making up conversations with him in my head.
    We would still see eachother sometimes. He had relationships with other girls.

    Then some years passed and I didn’t see him at all. Sometimes I would think about him, wonder how his life was and what if we had stayed together?
    I told myself he was probably married and had kids.
    Then, one day, I was 22, I ran into him. Just like that. I was so happy. It felt so good to see him again. He had gained some pounds. He was now in the military, been places, seen the world.
    I wished we could talk for hours, but I was in a hurry. My brother, who adored him when he was little, wanted to go to the army as well, so I asked his email to give to my brother (sure ๐Ÿ˜‰
    The next day, we ran again into eachother. I told him about my relationship with BF1, that was not pleasant at the time. I said I always thought he would be married by now.
    He told me he had been in love with and pursuing a girl his age, for 8 years, who had been in a steady relationship since she was 15. He told me she was now married and pregnant with her first child.
    I looked at him and told him I wanted to kiss him one more time. He didn’t say no. It felt so great. I just hoped nobody saw us.
    He had to give some exam the next day. I sent him a text message. I was painting at BF1, who was finally moving to his own place.
    BF2 came to pick me up. After that we started having an affair for 4 months, before I broke up with BF1.
    I felt so strongly sexually atracted to BF2.
    I know we can always get it on, whenever we meet again, I will always feel this very strong atraction towards him.
    The sex was more experimental than with BF1. I felt much more connected to BF2.
    He shared a house with a military friend. He lived about an hour drive from my home.
    I was still studying and living with my Mum. At first we kept our relationship secret, but somehow all the scouting people found out about it and we were the talk of the town, very annoying.
    We didn’t see eachother much. I used to go to his place after school, sometimes during the weekends and would stay the night. He had a busy life, he had to go to Iraq and Afghanistan, he had flying as a hobby. I was happy for the times that we spent together.I was so glad he was back in my life. I still didn’t really know what I wanted with my life and wondered if I should move in with him and what our future would be like. I was jealous about his cool life, I actually wanted to have an adventuruous life like his too.
    We never had an argument. We mostly had a lot of sex, we got so turned on by eachother, which I enjoyed very much.
    And sometimes he would take me out for dinner or we would walk in the woods behind his house and he took me flying. We were together for 2 years. One time he told me he was falling in love with me. I was never as much in love with him like I was when I was 14. Like I had outgrown him, wanted and needed more than what he could offer me. Still I loved him and loved being around him, I felt safe and felt he would not hurt me, not like BF1. One day he told me we should get married at a beautiful spot, but I couldn’t imagine us ever getting married.
    He told me I should tell him what was on my mind, since he could not read my thoughts and since he had experience with GF that didn’t speak their mind.He never made a secret what was on his mind. He was good in reading body language. He told me what turned him on in other women. I felt a bit awkward. I found his honesty sweet, but it made me feel less of a woman. I never told him so. The only time I was atracted to other guys, was when he was on his second mission to Iraq.
    He broke up with me on Valentines day, after 2 years. He told me he thought we were not good for eachother, that he didn’t feel for me anymore. That it was not normal that we had no arguments, that our relationship wasn’t growing. I cried and we made love. My world fell apart.
    I felt so terrible, what did I do wrong. I had not seen it coming.
    I kept in touch. I couldn’t let him go. We had the sex with your ex thing going on, for about another four years, about every 3 or 4 months. Most of the times I would go to his place, twice he came to mine. While I was already with my current BF4. Twice we had sex in my fathers country, I planned to go there on holiday, while he would have some resting days there from his missions to Afghanistan. I sent him emails, we sometimes talked on the phone, about life, sometimes about all the good sexy memories. I now think the connection was too strong sexually, that we could never have a normal relationship. And then there is the age issue, him somehow still seeing me as that little girl. And him being very perfectionistic about his life.
    Still, he has a little place in my heart and whenever I need him, he will come to protect me, these are his words ๐Ÿ˜‰

    After a couple of months of being single and partying and just having fun and getting my life back on track, I met BF3. He was also from scouting. We had like a fling for a couple of months. I never thought that we would have a thing going for us. When he was younger, he had this bad boy image, and was always with blond girls with big breasts ( I am exactly the opposite). I liked his layed back attitude, always assuming there was more underneath, while there wasn’t really. He is just a very successfull and relaxed guy who knows no stress. He was honest in saying he was seeing several girls before, and very strict on the use of condoms, thank goodness. We loved to talk about sex and he told me things he told nobody else. He was handsome and a good guy, but the atraction wasn’t as strong as with BF2. After we broke up, we kept in touch through MSN and our conversations still hadn’t changed much, always teasing eachother. But now I call him Bro and he calls me Sis ๐Ÿ™‚
    I had finished my school one year earlier and should be looking for my own place and a real job. I know what his message was. He showed me that it wasn’t that scary to have your own appartment and to have a real job. Through his relaxed attitude I got less scared about the real life.
    I was so grateful for that message and through him I got my first real job too.
    I like to think I taught him that he can be attracted to dark haired girls too, he is now the proud father of a babygirl with the love of his life and I am so happy for them.

    I had my own appartment, started my first real job, was doing bellydancing and taking acting lessons. Loving life and trying to get used to taking care of myself. I was lonely at times in my new home, but don’t think that is unusuall when you are used to living in a very small house with 4 people.

    After 5 months I met my current BF4.



  38.  #38janjune on November 24, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    i feel afraid to post this because sometimes it feels to me like goddesses don’t like it when goddesses have success with rori’s program and Tools, but i am posting it for the goddesses who will find encouragement from it and for me to say to the Universe! YES! I see this!! I am accepting this!! I want this to be part of my life for the rest of my LIFE!!!! yesyesyesyesyes
    bringiton!!!!

    so anyway what happened is
    IT HAPPENED AGAIN!!!! LOL

    i wasgot out of my car before my meeting and just realized that i needed to get under my own fountain before i went in so took like a second and a half to put my fountain over me then i turned around and started walking…

    a man, a black man about my age (50’s) at a Salvation ARmy kettle was about 30 feet from me and when i was walking in his direction, about 20-25 feet from him he said “Happy Thanksgiving”. I thought he was talking to someone else, someone up there by him that was out of my sight range, so i just smiled to myself.
    i took a few more steps and he said “Happy Thanksgiving” again, and it looked like he was looking at ME, so i pointed to myself and raised my eyebrows and mouthed the word “Me?” , he said, “Happy Thanksgiving” a third time… this time i was getting closer and i smiled and said, kinda yelled, “you are talking to *me*” and he said “Yes, Happy Thanksgiving!” I smiled back as i got closer and went the long way around so i could move myself physically closer to him and he said in one sentence “How ya doin’ sweetheart, how ya doin’ angel?” i just kind of stopped, i was standing right in front of him by then and smiled and looked deep into his eyes and said “I’m fine.” then we just stood there for a second looking into each others eyes and both smiled really big for like 7 oir 8 or 10 seconds, i don’t know, quite awhile… and i went on to my meeting.
    he was no longer there when i went back.

    o,g! I feel like the universe is saying YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    yes, thsi is good janjune, yes, janjune, grab it grab life and go, men will go with you, just pick the right ones, they’re out there, just wait for them don’t fget in a hurry./ it can be better than you even believe!!!!



  39.  #39Ella on November 24, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    I wanted to reply to the posts about height that were being discussed on the other post.

    Daria thanks for your perspective.

    I had a feeling you might say something like that. I was thinking too of trying out being open to shorter guys, with the idea of healing that trigger, the trigger being that it makes me feel huge and unfeminine. I guess the healing would be to feel feminine no matter with who and in what situation.

    That’s what I was hoping for.

    However whenever Mr Action Man and I got in a situation where we could of kissed and I was bending down, I felt REALLY, REALLY Icky, so I moved away. And it felt like I was going to kiss a child.

    I can handle guys who are a little bit shorter than me. Mr Action Man was MUCH SHORTER than me. I think there were other issues too as Mr Date guy was also shorter than me and I did not feel funny about that!

    For me this is one trigger and I not interested in healing. I just do not want to kiss men who are much shorter than me! And that feels like the truth from my heart.

    Funny thing is I would kiss a man wheelchair, who would obviously be shorter than me… but I think that would feel ok.

    And I get about having an army of adoring men, and I still have issues around really allowing this. It feels like draining and horrundous pressure (well with the guys I’ve had around me recently). I don’t have the energy for all these men, it feels like they want something from me… I think when I get it right it will feel like they energise me.

    Mr Action guy wanted more and more of my time… and I just want my time/energy for myself. I will CD in every day life and when I have time, and when I feel like it.

    A few other guys who are not giving me that vibe makes me feel fine around them.

    I don’t want the pressure I feel from guys on match who are ‘searching for a relationship’. I don’t want searching. I just want experiences and emotions and feeling good in the moment.



  40.  #40Ella on November 24, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    I feel thankful for this nice warm, crackly fire.

    I feel thankful for my nice cosy bed.

    I feel thankful for the opportunity to go and earn some money tomorrow at a place where people respect my professional opinion and want my input.



  41.  #41janjune on November 24, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    now a black man is emailing me on pof ( i almost never get black men online dating)
    i really like the things he’s saying!

    he is so gorgeous!

    we were emailing last night and he quit.
    so did i.
    there was a message from him today when i got home from my meeting.

    i love men from other cultures!
    i just love african men and native american men and indian men and ooh mexican men…
    seem to loooove the female… thrive, love, get strength from the feminine femaleness of the femme. (this is just MY opinion ๐Ÿ™‚ )

    about six weeks ago i went through the Latino community in the city and decided to stop at a place id gone by many times… said they had incense, perfumes… there is a perfume from Mexico i was looking for, orange blossom (sanfords, if anyone wants to know), you spray it and are enveloped in clouds of orang blossoms!!! omg it’s so beautiful!!!
    it smells (to me) like “SUMMER”…
    anyway i went in there looking for it and for incense
    so long story short a younger Mexican man, Augustine, began escorting me around! it was so cute. he was hsorter than me but very much a gentleman and very attentive.
    i reeeeeally liked Augustine!! he was being such a man with me.
    it ended up where we talked about life and about fun and about dancing and he gave me his phone number and told me to call him and he would teach me how to dance!!!
    i may do it!!
    I may not!!
    doesn’t matter!!
    the world is showing me the type of men i want!!! who make me feel good and not worried and who love the female!!

    i feel scared to post this good news too.



  42.  #42marina on November 24, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    Janjune, I am so happy for you! You go girl! You deserve all of that attention ๐Ÿ™‚

    I just walked to the railwaystation to get me some sushi. It was raining and there were even some hailstones falling. I remembered Daria’s talk about the dance position and held my head high, my back and neck straight, my shoulders down and relaxed and just felt happy. I noticed guys on their bikes noticing me and actually smiling at me, wow! These tools are very powerful, and what an effect do they have.

    On the way back that didn’t happen, but I accepted that sometimes I feel powerful and sometimes I feel something else and that is OK too ๐Ÿ™‚

    Ella, funny you mention the height thing. If a guy is much smaller, I would not feel attracted either, I would def. feel like kissing my brother and feel less feminine. But if a guy is so tall that I will overstretch my neck to kiss him, that makes me feel awful too…Also I would be afraid that if we would ever have kids, they would be like giraffes.

    I am quite tall myself (1.82 meters) and my BF is 1.80 meters but that doesn’t feel awkward. Sometimes I even wear my heels when we go out, I just feel very feminine around him.

    Actually I see more and more relationships where partners are of the same length or the girl is a bit taller and it doens’t look awkward to me anymore.



  43.  #43janjune on November 24, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    omg marina!!
    that is the most complete and intelligible iteration of one’s life story that i have ever heard!!

    i am going to take my netbook to bed with me tonight and re-read your words, absorbing the entire story like a novel!!

    ooh marina, please hang in here on siren island! i know you will find some ways to deal with the things that have been hanging you up in the past!!

    ((huggggs))
    janjune



  44.  #44janjune on November 24, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    ooh thank you brenda!! it feels so good to have the feelings that i have for men being returned to me!!!

    i love them!!



  45.  #45janjune on November 24, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    daria, ooh , no jealousy ooh that feels blocking. blocking of what’s coming to you.
    to me: accepting of, applauding, receiving with , the good that comes to others opens the channel for it to come to you also!! how does this sound? does it feel resonant?



  46.  #46janjune on November 24, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    daria,
    as far as what i did dealing with the corporate men, i just did the rori Tools:

    1. stated my case the way i see it
    2. as they “peated and repeated” their company policy, i just said “I understand that’s company policy… who is the next person up the line that I would speak to?”
    3. of course they said, “well, you can talk to my boss, but it will just come back to me and *I’m* trying to help you (you pain in the ass!–” lol! no, of course they didn’t say that, but it was felt by me ๐Ÿ™‚ )
    to which *I* said
    4. i understand. and i know that there are limitation in every position. i realize that what i am asking for is probably out of the scope of decisionmaking in your psoition as ___________, that’s why i don’t want to trouble you any further and would like to go ahead and speak to the next person up the line. I have been very happy with the service you’ve provided for me, but i know that you can only do so much.”
    5. and so on, up the line
    6. then when i got to the one who *can* change the rules/make exceptions to the rules, i said, “blahblahblah (explained it again) and said, kind of laughing, “so this does not fit my loved one’s situation at all… what do you thinK?…
    what can we do?… ”
    and he himhawed around and tried to find a place to stick my loved one’s case and i gave him all the time he needed and felt very patient and tried to convey that quietly over the phone and finally he said, well, i can _________________.
    i will call ____________, where can you be reached?
    i told him. he said, alright, I will tell ________ to _______ and they will call you and tell you what times they can meet with you and see when you’ll be available.”
    i said, thank you so very much, this feels so good to have this taken care of, i feel so good that you have ________________ and i will be at _____ and will look to hear from __________ on _____.”

    and then it just all happened the way he said it would!!!

    ********

    daria!

    your time is going to happen for you.
    you have been true to yourself.
    you have loved your passion with a love above all else.
    you have freely given of your knowledge and understanding to all who have asked of you.
    i believe this concept is what rori models for us here

    this was brought to my mind, i have been praying for you
    “give and it shall be given unto you, pressed down shaken together and running over shall men give unto your bosom”
    this is you, giving freely what has been given to you and it will come back to you, pressed down, shaken together and running over.
    i know it will!!
    it’s inside you, not outside.
    what you *have*, your provisions, your source are *within* you.
    you will be the head and not the tail!
    you don’t need to be given to because you have so much to give and it will just come back to you in rolling waves.
    I believe this with all my heart!
    i am holding space for you!!
    love, janjune



  47.  #47Daria on November 24, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    Janjune – I use my feeling of jealousy as an indicator of what I want… and say fu9ck you to the fear that I won’t have it



  48.  #48Daria on November 24, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    Janjune – thank you! for your blessings! I fEEL THEM !

    thank you also for the description of the words! that really helps me! yes!! I cand do this too! should i have to yes! thank you

    i understand. and i know there are limitations and i i realize what i am asking you is out of the scope of your decision making and dont want to trouble you abd i would like to speak to the next person on up… i have been very happy with the service you have provided me but know that you can only do so much!



  49.  #49Daria on November 24, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    actualy instead of fu9ck you i feel like saying i love you to the fear



  50.  #50Daria on November 24, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    lol i feel HAPPY to feel jealousy! yay!!! showing me what i want

    i lOVE you jealousy ! thank you!

    I do not want to hide that i feel jealous no no

    I feel jealous yum



  51.  #51Daria on November 24, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    Ella – ” I got in a situation where we could of kissed and I was bending down, I felt REALLY, REALLY Icky, so I moved away.”

    CONGRATS! you have been honest with your body language!! yes! this is what I was talking about !!

    sometimes it can feel icky in a certain position with Taller guys… when it feels like they’re a child, i just dont feel turned on! yes!

    forget what you think is the cause (height) and just look at the feelings.. icky? move away

    he can then find another way to kiss you that feels good!

    ****

    notice how you DID feel attracted to that one short guy

    that right there is some showing that this height issue belief is on its way out

    you don’t have to kiss him if it feels icky

    a short man can find a way to make you feel like he’s not a child

    IT IS the ENERGY

    repeat

    IT IS the ENERGY

    over an out



  52.  #52Daria on November 24, 2010 at 5:22 pm

    Janjune – “sometimes it feels to me like goddesses donโ€™t like it when goddesses have success with roriโ€™s program and Tools,”

    this is a thought! and one that feels bad to read… tho i KNOW that you weren’t talking about me lol

    BUT

    it’s a judgement and thought ON US and on /YOU and i am telling this judgement thank you for trying to protect us, and we are going to go on with feeling better, and embrace you, and do what feels good and what makes us bigger and happier so we have even more compassion and love to share with you and with the world. and we wont abandon you. i promise.



  53.  #53Daria on November 24, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    I actually believe Goddesses Love and Feel Great reading about successes.

    like i realy cleanly believe this so that feels good, and reading that other belief i feel scrunchy nose eyebrows mistrustful defensive HUH?



  54.  #54janjune on November 24, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    daria,
    i get it now, about the jealousy!

    for me: please universe, this is what it want! because i love this, universe, i love it so much it makes my blood churn with desire, and it excites me and enlivens me and raises my passion to new heights of deisre!!!

    i get it now! thank you so much daria!!!



  55.  #55janjune on November 24, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    no, i wasn’t talking about you daria re: the some goddesses don’t feel good when…

    we’ve had this discussion before on here where sometimes goddesses feel intimidated to post when something *does* go well for them…

    that’s how i was feeling…
    but not toward any one person



  56.  #56Daria on November 24, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    Wow Marina I love the way you WRITE! I feel captivated, swept away! what an awesome awesome MEMOIR!

    I would consider publishing it as a short story. I am saving it.



  57.  #57janjune on November 24, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    “itโ€™s a judgement and thought ON US and on /YOU and i am telling this judgement thank you for trying to protect us, and we are going to go on with feeling better, and embrace you, and do what feels good and what makes us bigger and happier so we have even more compassion and love to share with you and with the world. and we wont abandon you. i promise.”

    thank you for these words. ๐Ÿ™‚
    im going to read them over until i understand each one because some of them are out of my reality right now, but i know there is other reality that im just not in touch with that is just as valid as what i know about.

    yes, it wasis a judgment.
    it is also a feeling.
    i feel alone when posting that something went well and that the Tools work just the way rori says.
    but its true.



  58.  #58Daria on November 24, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    Marina – and now you found Rori and Circular Dating, and are going to step in your full power and heal all

    =D



  59.  #59Daria on November 24, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    Janjune – alone is a feeling… afraid, mistrustful is also a feeling

    i ‘feel’ that people would do something negative is a thought

    thought that thinking it can feel … scary, alone, mistrustful, sad

    The words I gave you are Rori’s. They are what she says to say to yourself when you feel bad. They’ve helped me many many times.

    I MEMORIZED them… line by line… one of the BEST investments in myself ever. I forget what program. They go kinda like this, go great with a self hug… use them in moments of desperation, being attacked, panic… I say them to me, the little girl me, a part of me HEARS them. They work – to make me feel better RIGHT AWAY. Better and better each time.

    “Thank you for trying to protect me. I hear you and I embrace you. And, I’m going to go on feeling better now, and doing what makes me feel good, and what makes me Bigger, and Happier, so I can have more love and compassion to share with you and with the world. And I won’t abandon you. I promise”



  60.  #60janjune on November 24, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    daria,
    those words…
    are so foreign to me that i will, yes, have to memorize them and then allow them to sink in at they’re own pace and become part of me.

    thank you for sharing that.

    i will keep them

    i trust you. even when i don’t see where i’m going i know that you only follow your true feelings and am willing to step out in faith on something that i don’t even see yet.



  61.  #61Daria on November 24, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    Janjune – wow that feels good. yes I did the same… memorized them on faith…

    they worked when I just repeated them to myself when i felt upset. Robotically, just say the poem. Then see what happens…

    the part of me that needed love heard them everytime…

    they are truthlovemagic

    Blessings to everyone from my Sparkly Fountain right now



  62.  #62janjune on November 24, 2010 at 5:56 pm

    daria,
    oh and as for when talking to the corproate people, after you’ve moved up the line and when you get to the one who *can* make a decision that goes against corporate policy, then is the time to actually state your case…
    the creative part
    the part that goes against the norm or the grain.
    they will listen to you when you get that far ๐Ÿ™‚
    have it (the concept) ready for them so you can present the it and it’s logic in as few minutes as possible, because the more concisely you can make your point to them, the easier it is for them to say YES!



  63.  #63Daria on November 24, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    This is a true enchantment. I have it on my blog now.

    I feel smiling and wise and big



  64.  #64Daria on November 24, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    Janjune – thank you. When they get on the phone, the higher ups, do you right away ask them if they have the authority to make the kind of decision you want?

    or…



  65.  #65Daria on November 24, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    how do you know that they Do have the authority when you get to them



  66.  #66Katnina on November 24, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    I am thankful for my dog, she is my furry guardian angel. I love that she reminds me to live in the present. i feel my heart unzippering everytime I look at her.
    I am thankful for my mom, who baked vegan pumpkin bread for me in California on Monday and mailed it to me in New York, it arrived today! and smells sooo good.
    I am thankful for my best friend, who invited me to her parents’ house for Thanksgiving tomorrow.



  67.  #67Katnina on November 24, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    Hi Daria,
    I was thinking about your business and the video ideas that you have and am wondering if one possiblillity could be doing videochat coaching on how to be a goddess?
    for example- dressing like a goddess- your client could use her computer video cam to show you her closet and you could help her select which pieces would be most goddesslike, what jewelry and accessories and shoes to choose, etc? or the dance position- you could demonstrate and she could attempt it and you could coach her through it so she knows how it should feel when done correctly.
    It just came to me and I wanted to share.
    what do you think?
    Katnina



  68.  #68janjune on November 24, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    daria, well part of it will be their title, if it says, vice president of _________(what you’re going for) then they have the power to make a decision or at least have the power to take your request to the board (if need be) and plead your case.

    but really probably a simpler way to tell is this:

    the more times they refer to company policy, the less power they have to do anything for you.
    well, company policy is…
    our company policy states…
    we can’t do that…
    we don’t have procedures for that…
    we have never done that before…
    they will just send this back to me if you go to someone else…
    ma’am, i’m trying very hard to help you…
    here is the brochure…
    we don’t do that kind of thing here…
    well you can talk to somebody else but i don’t think it will do you any good…
    staring at you,
    shifting from foot to foot while you talk,
    raising their eyebrows at you,
    pursed lips wrinkled forehead

    all this will tell you that
    YOU’RE NOT THERE YET!!!
    LOL!!

    keep going!
    you haven’t gotten to the decison maker yet!!

    be prepared!
    you have to go through this!
    it’s company policy!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    the decision maker will find you rather interesting
    he /she doesn’t get to deal with the public very often ie: doesn’t really know what’s going on “out there”
    finds it stimulating that you have the guts to do this
    needs to come up with a good idea to justify their existence within the company
    feels good that they can actually do something to help someone
    has their hohum daily routine jazzed up by this audacious person who is full of fire and going to “go to the top” to get what they want!

    it only works if you really mean it!
    …and i know you really mean it!



  69.  #69janjune on November 24, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    daria #64,

    no.
    don’t ask if they have the authority to make the decision.

    just tell them your story (you’ll have repeated it numerous times by now but just hang in there).
    this one will feel different.
    this one will be listening.
    they will be quiet while you are talking.
    they will ask questions relevant to your precise situation.
    you will know they are listening and following what YOU said, rather than sitting there, while you are talking, thinking up reasons to tell you why you can’t have it… company policy. ๐Ÿ™‚
    company policy is no longer relevant at this level.
    innovation, ideas, exceptions are.

    you will know you are being heard, not shuffled off.

    they will probably ask you questions, kind of feeling like they are challenging you, but really, it felt to me like, questions this man knew his boss or the board would be asking him… i felt like he was asking me these challenges so he could explain to the board why he’d made the decision to go outside of company policy.



  70.  #70Rosa on November 24, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    Katnina , Hi,

    yes I am thankful for my dog too!!
    I made my son go get him from the kennels and bring him by the hospital for a BIG furry cuddle down in the forecourt.

    Hes a big blonde lab , he just cuddled my knees with his heart, you know , just pushed his chest into me.
    He is the best example of Open Heartedness i know.



  71.  #71Rosa on November 24, 2010 at 8:18 pm

    I have been dealing with insurers too , regarding being unable to work for some months and no money. Yesterday I received a letter saying it would take months till my case was assessed while they obtained government health system documents. I called one “front – liner” and remained calm and reiterated the point that I needed to feed my kids , and that I was happy to discuss my case with a more senior Claims official at any time , but I knew the surgeons report was black and white in my case.I knew that my condition was unarguable as i had mastectomy last week. I remained firm inside , and soft outside. I used rapport tools. I explained that I was happy to speak with their medical officer. I melted with gratitude for being heard.

    At 6 pm a senior claims officer called me to say that in my case there would be no need for further investigation or documents, and that a cheque was on its way.
    My friend (a CD man ) who overheard all this said
    ” Geez you are GOOD”

    The End



  72.  #72Katnina on November 24, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    Hi Rosa, that is wonderful! I am so happy that your son was able to bring you that joy while you are in the hospital!! Labs are sooo great at living in the moment-and YES! so Open Hearted!!
    And though I know we haven’t ‘met,’ I am very moved by and in awe of your strength in facing cancer head on. I feel inspired by your strength and honesty. Thank you.



  73.  #73Rosa on November 24, 2010 at 8:37 pm

    Katnina,
    Thank you ,kind words but you know its not bravery as such,
    Its actually mindfulness.

    The more i stay in the moment as each day unfolds the easier it is.
    I do not take my head forward into possible worries or allow it to rehash old stuff. I dont want any looping of such thoughts and all feelings that follow them.

    If I do feel sad or anxious i FEEL it in the body till the wave passes (about 3 seconds usually) then turn off the worry feeder thought , (like a picture of me on an IV full of toxic drugs, or having cancer in the other breast) then i breathe in the moment.

    If I cut off the negative feeder thoughts and stay here and now it feels GOOD usually .

    Thats not bravery , thats a set of tools .
    I am grateful for my toolbox!!!!!



  74.  #74Rori Raye on November 24, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    Rosa – Yayyy for you and brava to you! Love, Rori



  75.  #75Amy F. on November 24, 2010 at 9:04 pm

    I am thankful for:
    1. Sharing the Beatles song “The Long and Winding Road” with my 8 year old son

    2. A great work-out this morning and the opportunity for another tomorrow

    3. A great manicure this morning

    4. My love of music and moving my body

    Happy Thanksgiving to all!



  76.  #76Daria on November 24, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    Katnina… That is an awesome idea! Vudeochat coaching ! Wow…

    What portable kind of cam could they use I wonder, beside cell phone…



  77.  #77Daria on November 24, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    Janjune and Rosa – thank you!



  78.  #78Nikita on November 24, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    I am getting zero feelings during confrontation….other than…”how dare you”, “are you effin kidding me”, or “something feels off, something is off and I can’t put it in words”,….. I just think I suck at confrontation…and I feel sad about this….why do I shut down….or maybe freeze is better…..because I feel open…I just don’t feel articulate or even diplomatic.

    I am soooo good at diffusing other people but when it is someone coming up against me; I have two gears: freeze or annihilate….. I walk away….but ….. wow….I am not excelling at this….lucky for me I don’t find myself in too many confrontations in real life…but….Mr.B. is so forceful!…. I feel sooo tempted to show him-look, dude….force doesn’t feel good, see? See how much that sucks, ?….good, now don’t do it to me….save it for your male bonding moments.

    I just felt drawn in to either prove he’s right and I’m wrong..or completely disagree with him and prove myself right and him wrong….but it felt so bad…..I just left the room.

    and it is NO big deal…..but he mentioned this woman…. a random lady I forgot about and something I said to her… and that my words were not accurate….

    I’m thinking…ew, you care more about her opinion than my feelings!!!! ๐Ÿ™ but then I’m just judging him and that feels bad.



  79.  #79Daria on November 24, 2010 at 9:21 pm

    19 man is interested and we talked aobut and he is going to tell me more

    about a certain kind of letter to send to credit card companies that has them erase your entire credit. period. it’s something about appealing to common law.

    i was skeptical, saw some things about it on youtube

    i feel interested – a Great experiment – but also worried that they will put me on the “no fly list” for credit if i do it

    gonna see what he says



  80.  #80Daria on November 24, 2010 at 9:24 pm

    I had a talk with my mom today

    about me and my life

    i did feel some tension and heat up to my head

    but… i interrupted when i started feeling attacked and said.. i am not willing to be attacked… do you want to talk still?

    i felt HEARD

    my mom seemed Interested that i am writing stuff like poems

    she wanted to read what i write about shattering the beliefs about being required to “earn a living”

    i felt HEARD

    i felt HEARD

    this is like one of the first times… i’ve been babystepping here for a long time

    I FELT HEARD ABOUT WHY its ok for me to go out! why its for my dad to “own” that he’s worried

    I felt HEARD

    it felt tense some, but I FELT HEARD

    omg

    i spoke the truth the whole time

    babysteps



  81.  #81Nikita on November 24, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    so I decided to just tell him I don’t care about your need to impress this random lady…and if my adjectives aren’t portraying what you want, I’m still not changing them! Ha! she seemed nice but my vocabulary is pretty solid dude….. and I conveyed a feeling to this woman that he can NEVER comprehend because he is not a woman…..and their are so many layers to our communication…you can’t even see….I don’t need you criticizing my interactions with this woman….What’s really going on???? I mean really!

    I just implied he was seeing her and she’s just going to have to get over whatever he thinks I said that was incorrect….I mean….I can’t spend my entire spirit trying to make him look good in front of random girls he decides mean so much to his identity…and I know that…..I am not really communicating by doing this-!

    UGH! I just felt so triggered!



  82.  #82Daria on November 24, 2010 at 9:29 pm

    i told her how just having to be somewhere at a set time during the day drains me of energy

    my whole day becomes wrapped up in that

    and i dont want that

    i want to be flexible, like an artist or entrepreneur

    that i am always all the time focusing on what interests me

    and i want to be able to create ideas, and express them etc

    that for me, doing what interests me and what i enjoy and makes me HAPPY is MY FOCUS

    she said well many people do this, but first they get a job and make sure to earn a living and on the outside they do this

    i said yes, you are right many people do this on the outside, just like you say

    but for me…

    this is the CORE of what is important to me… and the rest of my life starts from here

    i feel happy that i was expressing myself this way

    i was very clear about me

    about what i enjoy, what is important with me

    i did not allow myself to be put down

    and i was HEARD



  83.  #83Nikita on November 24, 2010 at 9:33 pm

    wow,

    i’m feeling less triggered about my spelling ๐Ÿ™‚

    but their is supposed to be there are….

    sigh,

    see! that was a perishable food item!!!!!

    NO MORE STUFFERS!!!!!!

    stop stuffing! I feel so unsafe when you stuff!

    I feel tripped!…..tricked…blindsided….off-balanced…ambushed!!! STOP…

    man up and say it!

    If you don’t like me..man the eff up and say it….. I’m not scared of new c*ck! LOL

    I feel thankful that I am not scared of new c*ck ๐Ÿ™‚

    yay!

    I feel brave ๐Ÿ˜‰



  84.  #84Nikita on November 24, 2010 at 9:36 pm

    Dude! you are bringing up something from like, 2 months ago!!!!

    wtf?

    i feel unloved! aha!!!

    is that a feeling?

    I feel lovable….I just felt unloved …….

    and like daria say;

    ick I don’t want to hear about other women!



  85.  #85Daria on November 24, 2010 at 9:41 pm

    ICK for real

    i just noticed how sexy i look even in my red sweater when im rolling my pelvis to the Douggie song



  86.  #86Nikita on November 24, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    what is this song?

    I checked the dictionary and the word i chose was perfect….he can kiss my ass.

    for real. i’m perceptive !

    dammit!

    i’m insightful!!!

    I have vision….I’m the light of the world !!!

    ha!

    ๐Ÿ˜€



  87.  #87Daria on November 24, 2010 at 9:49 pm

    A man text asked me what are some things i want to achieve in life.

    I said i want to achieve happiness, self expression and divinity =)



  88.  #88Daria on November 24, 2010 at 9:50 pm


  89.  #89Nikita on November 24, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    oh,

    I remember that song…

    vaguely…

    hehe….that was fun…

    Mr.B.

    has gone to get me ice cream ๐Ÿ™‚

    yay!

    he offered….

    mmm..

    I feel sleepy…

    I didn’t have ANY coffee, just mate ๐Ÿ˜‰



  90.  #90Nikita on November 24, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    87#\

    D….

    I thought you already did that?

    lol ๐Ÿ˜‰



  91.  #91Gigi on November 24, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    Daria,

    Do you continue to feel like T Tapp is a great and beneficial exercise? I was looking at her site today and it seems quite amazing!

    Gigi



  92.  #92Daria on November 24, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    Nikita – yes, i Do already Do that.

    I have “achieved” all i want to achieve

    it’s not really about achieving in a feminine state

    just being

    **
    i feel excited

    I did a Wendi Friesen hypno from her archives on Stickam…

    and I foudn out that to have energy to do alll the stuff i would want to do in a day

    i can everymorning when i wake up do EFt for like 15 min

    then eat breakfast of course

    I am now going to do this



  93.  #93Daria on November 24, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    Gigi – it is amazing.. ๐Ÿ™‚ i’ve know of it and did some of it for about 12 years now



  94.  #94Gigi on November 24, 2010 at 10:18 pm

    Daria,

    Thanks! If not for you, I would never have heard about it!



  95.  #95Katnina on November 24, 2010 at 10:19 pm

    Hi Daria,
    for portable video camera other than cell phone, maybe if your client had a laptop, and it were over skype (i have never used skype so i am not sure if they even have video chat but i remember hearing someone say they do) she could point her laptop camera towards her closet? or if she had a desktop, maybe you could ask her before the session to pick out the ten or twenty pieces that she feels most goddesslike in and she can hold them up to the camera? or even try them on for you?

    or even if no video chat, it could be like wardrobe consultation by email- you could give her guidelines, she could come up with outfits, take pix of herself in them and email them to you for guidance? or she could take pix of the clothes and accessories she likes best and you could combine them into outfits for her so she can learn how to create an outfit? or even suggest items that you think are missing from her staples that she should consider adding?

    i am really into the how to dress like a goddess concept and i think it would be AWESOME- especially as i usually feel pretty nervous about selecting what to wear for dates.

    it feels really good to have ideas flowing!



  96.  #96Daria on November 24, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    ohoh… i feel hurt in my tummy… i feel sad

    i felt so happy listening to the Wendi thing but then someone said pot is good for your brian and she
    said

    no its not, and she was asking him what his monthly income is and teasing him

    and that feels bad

    ohh

    pot Is good for your brain… if you intend it to be

    i feel sad

    i feel unseen

    pot is a divine gift

    i love my feelings of sadness disappointment

    stabbed ed ness

    i love my disappointment

    and that feels

    like it relaxing some in my tummy

    and i love my relaxing some

    and that feels like smiling a lil

    i love my smling a lil

    and that feels like a big breath

    i love my big breath

    and that feelslike another one

    i love my other one

    and that feels like tingling in my booties and tingling in my chest and face

    i love my tingling in my booties and in my chest and face

    and that feels like

    sadness in my chest numbness
    i love my sadness and my in the chest numbness

    and that feels like

    lower face numbness

    i love my novacaine face feeling

    and that feels lik

    huhuuhuh out my nose

    i love my huhuhh h outmy nose

    and that feels like

    sighing

    and i love my sigh and that feels like

    SAdness

    i love my sadness

    and that feels like huhuhf and hm

    i love my sadnesss my huhhuf an d hm

    and that feels like sigh

    i love my sigh and my hmmm

    and that feels like

    light numbness

    tingling in my booties my fingers and lips

    heaviness in my back and down

    and in my mouth

    i love the heaviness in my back and down

    and the heaviness in my mouth

    and all my tinglins

    and that feels like

    more numbness and sleepyiness

    i love my numbness and sleepyness

    and that feels like

    half ywaning

    i love my half yawn

    and that feels like

    tingling all the way donw in my feet and hotness in my knees and feet

    i love my tingling and hotness

    and that feels like

    another halfyawn

    and that i love my half yawn

    and that feels like

    he

    and i love my he

    and that feels like

    smile and hehe

    and i love my smile and hehe

    and that feels like

    twitches in my calf

    and i love the twitches in my calf

    and taht feels like

    yawn

    and i love my yawn

    and that feels like

    hehehehuh

    and i love my hehehhuh

    and that feels like

    huh huh

    and i love my huh huh

    and that feels like

    ywan
    and i love my ywan

    and that feels like

    smiling



  97.  #97Daria on November 24, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    Katnina – oh yeah, people have them on their laptops now hehe

    I want a new one that i can move around places so i can start making those videos! and take sexy pics of me

    and record myself dancing

    and more fun stuff to discover doing with camera



  98.  #98Katnina on November 24, 2010 at 10:48 pm

    Yay!!!! Modern Siren came in the mail today! yippee!
    i feel happy. and excited
    and also kind of nervous.
    change feels weird a lot for me.
    hmmm
    change can feel good. i feel more comfortable taking it slowly
    so that is what i will try to do.

    i have a question on how to respond to “what do you want to do?”
    i was asked out for a second date by one CD for Friday. he said ‘let’s figure it out Friday.’ i would feel more comfortable if he decided.
    can i say just that? ‘i would feel more comfortable if you decide?”
    what if there is something i really want to do? like: i want to go ice skating. but not necessarily with him. just in general.
    i still feel weird when men pay for stuff for me also.
    receiving feels scary because NV asks “what do you owe him now that he paid for you to do X?” ok NV i hear you speaking, but i don’t owe him anything. i can be open to receiving and that is enough.
    right?
    i am feeling confused.



  99.  #99Daria on November 24, 2010 at 10:59 pm

    Katnina – Right on all counts by me!



  100.  #100Kristine on November 24, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    Hey Sirens, Happy Thanksgiving…..I am alone well I mean single on this wonderful holiday season but am blessed in so many ways but I will narrow it down,

    1) My loving beautiful children who keep me going and happy

    2) Family and Friends who are an amazing part of my life
    3) Myself I am a blessing to those in need and caring for the sick AS a nurse, what a gratifying piece of mind and it makes me feel so good to help whenever I can

    Yes I am single and it gets loely at times but I am too happy to give anyone the power to ruin any day for me, So my happiness is from me the rest is icing!! Have a wonderful holiday sirens!!



  101.  #101Meemee on November 24, 2010 at 11:08 pm

    I am at office now.
    I feel so terrible.
    The whole conversation I had with X a couple of days ago is sinking in to me.
    And yes, he had told he would like to meet me on Thursday and I had said No to sex.
    He said he will still meet me on Thursday and carry the “conversation” forward.
    I had seen the end.
    He is not in office today.
    He canceled something which he had fixed without even letting me know.
    I know I should not crave for closure. Yet I feel so unsettled without one.
    Now I get it. He comes. He talks. He apologizes. He wants to meet on Thursday. I say, okay. But no sex.
    He says that is fine. And do not turn up on Thursday.
    It was sex.
    It was sex.
    I knew it. I knew it. I figured it out. I figured it out some time back.
    Why did I tell him “Not really” when he asked whether it will enormously hurt me if he turned out to be interested in sex only?!!!!!
    What the f*ck did I say!!
    Why the f*ck did I say so!!
    I did not want him to know that he is capable of hurting me. I was untrue to my feelings.
    It hurts. It hurts more than anything to know that it was only sex.
    It was only sex.
    Can you people repeat it to me till I get convinced? Till it hits hard on my head.
    IT WAS SEX.
    IT HURTS, BUT IT WAS SEX.
    LOL
    Meemee



  102.  #102Meemee on November 24, 2010 at 11:17 pm

    I feel a strong urge to text him and ask him “Were not we supposed to meet today???!!”
    Meemee



  103.  #103Leo on November 24, 2010 at 11:29 pm

    Meemee- I feel for you…
    Please don’t text him. I don’t think it will give you a good feeling afterwards.
    In my opinion he doesn’t deserve attention like that, attention from you at all. He doesn’t deserve YOU.
    And with the meeting… I think it was better you haven’t met. I wouldn’t do it at all, but if you really feel like it and want to, then don’t do it at either of your homes. And if you want to talk to him despite your boundary of secrecy, then there can be found a “secret” but NEUTRAL place.
    I always pick neutral (not attached to either person) places to talk about such things, so then both of us can leave this place and it feels “done” and gone.

    Good luck to you!



  104.  #104Kristine on November 24, 2010 at 11:39 pm

    Hey Goddesses!!! I just felt to share I have found myself in a whole new light..thanks to my friends great family and your support!! We need to stop playing this pleasing game…not to come off harsh but Rori is right you have to love yourself and then the rest comes easy stop racking your brain what you can do these men if they love or even care about us will be around and if not circular dating is the way…do what makes you happy not what will make him happy and then you make eachother happy when it is decided to go that route until then live your life and be happy without depending on a man to make you happy! That is just a perk of dating or being in love and the best gift is to get it back by just being you, we deserve that! Take Care ๐Ÿ™‚



  105.  #105Leo on November 24, 2010 at 11:50 pm

    I feel good today.

    After my little emotional break down last night (again), I feel better today.
    I send my boyfriend an e-mail were I tried to describe what all this is about for I am not sure of it myself. But he would really like to know at the appropriate time – when i feel like it.
    And yesterday night – i did. I opened my heart about all my insecurities right now and that I feel so unsure about all my feelings and that I can’t put causes/reasons to all of them.
    I am merely guessing.

    But each time I do so I get a little further.

    And no I think a finally got it figured out.

    In the past 16 months there happened soooooo much in my life.
    I moved out of my parents house, close to my boyfriend. Lived with him for the summer then moved to my own room near university. I had big fights with my mom. A lot of emotional stuff going on there.
    Then I started living here, going to school, which was new, and very stressful right from the start, lots of expectations.
    Also I saw my boyfriend more often, which is awesome ๐Ÿ˜€ but it means that I often go to his flat (i only got one room) over the weekend, and stay in my room during the week – somewhat also stressful.
    And again more arguments with my mom, and then it settled. But still not a perfect comfi situation. So when I visit them, it’s always somehow emotionally stressful too – either its going great or not so.

    And I think that in all that time I never really got down and worked everything out, let my feelings really get to me.
    And as I said…soooo many emotions…
    And just in “extreme” situations (e.g.: i might fail this big exam which would stop my carreer-wish right here and now) those feelings really got out and then BURST out.

    So my guess is that I have this box in me with un-assimilated feelings. And that box is FULL. So now everything wants to get out. And for the first time in the past 1,5 years I got the time (a lot less stress in university) and the want to get clear with those feelings.

    So what I feel now is this BIIIIG mixture of feelings. And then I fail to understand them cause I can’t put a cause to them.
    And now I understand: Of course I dont understand what caused them….they might be over 1 year old. But I still feel them now.
    And when I sit there crying….I always sit there laughing to, cause it feels so good.

    And now that I thought about this…. I really think that this is the reason for my emotional confusion lately.
    Thinking this – feels soooooooooo awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    It speaks my feelings.

    And I think the healing can start or already has started!!!

    Thanks Rori, for making me look into my heartยฐ!



  106.  #106Leo on November 24, 2010 at 11:52 pm

    Kristine – sounds awesome to hear that!
    Thanks for sharing. I totally feel the same way!



  107.  #107Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 12:14 am

    Sirens
    I have a very very genuine question.
    How do I get over the hurt caused by X?
    Does it help if I go sleep with another man?
    I think I feel tied to him because he was the first man I slept with. Even my body identifies some attachment with it.
    I want to break it.
    I want to break all that is associated with the “first” man, first sex, first relationship nonsense!!
    I know I sound weird.
    But yes, I am hurt.
    And I am not liking that I am hurt
    And that a bloody f*cker can hurt me so intensely.
    so immensely.
    I hate myself when I feel hurt over him.
    Do I have a psychological problem? Should I go consult a psychologist?
    I am happy about one thing- next time when I meet a toxic man I will be able to leave faster. I have learned the lesson for myself.
    Meemee



  108.  #108Daria on November 25, 2010 at 12:23 am

    I just did another hypnosis and talked to the part of me that distracts me from tasks and accomplishing stuff

    it wanted me to be a Rapper!

    and it wants me to take time every morning to write a 16 bar rap and song

    yay!

    EFT morning breakfast, rap



  109.  #109Daria on November 25, 2010 at 12:25 am

    Meemee – you must begin to Circular Date to heal. It will happen for you quickly.

    sleep with a man when you want to because you want to. not to try to “get over” him.

    go to the Posts, and search out the one about “Forget closure… get on your horse”



  110.  #110Daria on November 25, 2010 at 12:31 am

    Listen to your Heart – Roxette

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCC_b5WHLX0

    don’t worry about the last lines! (you don’t even have to tell him goodbye ๐Ÿ˜‰ just ride on with him on your horse)



  111.  #111uchenna umunna on November 25, 2010 at 1:11 am

    how can i make my new boyfriend to fall deeply in love with me?because i don’t want to have a bad relationship again in my life please help me,thank you.



  112.  #112Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 2:02 am

    I think there is something wrong with Meemee. She does not learn from the past. She does not learn any lesson. Or may be she is too low and negative today.
    X pinged her online asking how she is doing. She said she feels hurt. Silence. She repeted. Silence again. She said she feels unheard. Silence again. Then he went offline.
    Well.
    Meemee is learning how can the vibe change in seconds.
    She kept him away. She took care of herself. Everything was fine.
    She dropped him from her life the day she figured out he does not care.
    She stopped texting.
    She stopped calling.
    She did not go to him room or did not talk to him at office.
    She felt good about herself.
    She was happy.
    She felt upset once in a while
    Yet she felt high self esteem
    X tried to engage her in talks
    She did not listen
    She was riding riding riding
    Then X came apologizing
    Then she had a very long conversation with X
    She felt shaky
    She felt hope again
    X left her in the middle of that conversation saying that they should talk the next day
    but the next day never came
    she felt unsettled
    She went to office today thinking that she can finally tell him she does not want secrecy
    and she can put an end to this ongoing drama
    X did not turn up
    X did not respond when she told him what she feels about what he did
    she did wrong
    She messed it up again
    She feels horrible
    She is crying
    She should never have engaged in a conversation with him
    X knew she has feeling for him
    X disappeared
    She is sitting in her room wondering what has gone wrong and where?
    Was not she happy till the day she talked to X?
    Was not she taking every support and moving forward.
    X showed her once again that her “feelings” are bad
    Nothing is possible between she and X
    Only sex
    She does not want closure
    She wants to start her journey again
    But she feels so scared
    She feels so scared that she has not won her battle against her own self
    She feels so attached to X that she might melt next time he touches her and say “sorry Mee”
    He might not even mean it
    But she takes them so seriously
    She feels tired
    for the last 3 hours she has been crying
    Continously
    She wants to take her sleeping pills and go to sleep.
    But she wants to keep awake and feel the pain so that she will not repeat this mistake again.
    She is disgusted with herself
    totally
    totally
    She is afraid that her lovely sirens will feel fed up of her.
    They will feel this girl will not learn.
    It is pointless to help her.
    She feels so afraid that sirens will stop helping her.
    That they will stop giving her comments
    She feels fear
    She feels sadness
    She even feels she needs treatment
    Bad Meemee
    Bad bad Meemee
    Meemee



  113.  #113Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 2:04 am

    In fact if someone sees the way she is crying for 3 hours, they will think she is mad.
    Meemee



  114.  #114Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 2:16 am

    Can one start everything from the start? From the scratch?
    Once again?
    Is that possible?
    Is that possible?
    Meemee



  115.  #115Rosa on November 25, 2010 at 3:03 am

    Meemee,

    I know this cycle , i have felt it for several years with G-Man . In the end “fate” removed him overseas and he still lives there. He is STILL coming and going like a yo-yo , he came to the hospital this week and hugged me with genuine tears, he wants to care for me in 2 weeks for a few days when he is back in town.

    I was no secret , he frequently asked me to spend time with his family. He entrusted them to me on several occasions.

    The thing is IT WAS SEX…IT STILL IS SEX……for him that is. This is how it is very often for men. It has nothing to do with you, your qualities, intelligence or beauty…no .Its about his testosterone. Admire you though he does , it will not trigger desire for a relationship in a man if you have regular uncommitted sex with him.

    G would care for me after cancer surgery , even while he has a GF in the next city , but I KNOW its about sexual affirmation for him. AND it makes a buffer so he doesnt have to have a real relationship with her either.

    For men it can be very different . If i have sex with him then he knows he is a good person. If I dont , then he feels unworthy and not good enough.

    When he did not give me a relationship , when he told me often ” I love you but I am not in love with you” then I felt unworthy and not good enough.

    I tried to delete him from my life but after 6 months apart entirely silent, cancer killed off that decision. I decided it was easier to put him up behind me on the saddle and ride on .. I agreed to see him. He has not contacted me since. I know he is stewing.

    I am not strong enough to keep the door slammed in his face (he often tries to see me) , but I CAN ride on with him on the back of the saddle . AND , I can do NO SEX and preserve my self esteem..

    He will either leave , become a “friend” or fall in love with me. In this case Number one is most likely.
    I no longer await number 3 , I ride on!!!!

    The saddest thing was for me to learn that he does indeed love me deeply , but he CANNOT relate in a committed way. Perhaps X is the same.I would suggest you read on baggagereclaim.co.uk site re this sort of unavailability.

    To not know a mans mind and hormones to be so different is the tragedy . I am 50 years old and I only learnt these things recently.

    I think I finally understand this –

    ” Men are expressive in the physical plane while women are expressive in the emotional plane”



  116.  #116Rosa on November 25, 2010 at 3:22 am

    And yes, after a time interval , I believe you CAN start over , as long as total vigilance is applied to not perpetuating OLD PATTERNS and habits .

    If things are VERY different in every way , it is still possible to start over with X, an example would be , if he introduced you to friends, or invited you out in public regularly , and if there was no sex at first and for a lengthy time maybe ๐Ÿ™‚ But how much can people change? Does he want to change anyway?

    If inside the idea of this feels cringey , sick , yucky and highly unlikely to ever happen, and if you feel your insides curling into a tight ball of fear that it might never happen that it might never work to be with him, then maybe just tune in and sink into that cringey , sick , fearful feeling and feel it and then feel a little pleasure that you have felt it and recognised it. Then CHANGE the next step which might have been to text him, or think about him , just change that and ride on!!!!!



  117.  #117Tina on November 25, 2010 at 3:47 am

    I feel blessed ๐Ÿ™‚



  118.  #118Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 3:57 am

    @101: Meemee says:

    “…It was only sex.
    Can you people repeat it to me till I get convinced? Till it hits hard on my head.
    IT WAS SEX…”

    OK, Meemee, it was sex.
    Don’t worry yourself about it. Rori teaches how to “have the relationship you want.” You are young, smart, beautiful; there are so many men available to you, oodles of men. Men who would adore you, love you, marry you, make a family with you, men out there who right now don’t even know you exist. You could meet those men and have the relationship you want with one of them.

    @107: Meemee says:

    “Sirens
    I have a very very genuine question.
    How do I get over the hurt caused by X?…”

    I believe it is best not to concentrate on “getting over the hurt” or “forgetting.” I believe in concentrating on getting on with my life “anyway.” And the hurt starts to fade, little by little. My energy is going toward concentrating on my life and making myself happy while hurt and unfortunate attachment fade. The fading occurs in ups and downs; it’s not a constant going down. I am doing things to enjoy my life.

    Rori calls it “staying on your horse.” [this is me saying ==> “yeah, stay on your horse, just throw that f*cker up on the horse behind you and let him ride with you until he falls off!! and when he falls off don’t even stop or look back! ๐Ÿ˜€ Ride on!]

    I so love this post, I keep putting it up here, again and again…It is so true!!!

    Rori says:

    โ€œDonโ€™t Let Go, Donโ€™t Resolve, Forget Closure and Stay On Your Horseโ€

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/marriage/dont-let-go-dont-resolve-forget-closure-and-stay-on-your-horse/#comments

    Note: I say the guy might be running after your horse, the rest of your life, so what???!!!! Let him. I say just keep moving on.

    I know a woman who had a man in her life kind of like Mr X you described. After a few years she managed to pull away from him; she left her country too. She married a man who adores her and treats her very well, she has children, a beautiful home, he supports her, everything, she loves him and her family very much. But, every now and then she still thinks of the other guy and feels a little something…after about 25 years! But so what? Now she laughs and says she is so glad she kept moving on!

    SLV



  119.  #119Rosa on November 25, 2010 at 3:58 am

    Meemee ,

    Are you depressed and/or iron deficient?



  120.  #120Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 4:14 am

    @113: Meemee says:

    “…Can one start everything from the start? From the scratch?
    Once again?
    Is that possible?
    Is that possible?…”

    Yes, you “turn on a dime” and start right up where you left off just like nothing happened. You can start over whenever you want.

    Honey explained so well what would happen; I’m a little sad she isn’t here now…

    SLV



  121.  #121Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 4:18 am

    I’m up early having coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!!!

    I’m so happy.

    I’m grateful for friends who like to cook… ๐Ÿ˜†

    I fell asleep and didn’t make the pies, heehee, so I might do frozen ones… Sara Lee, where are you??? ๐Ÿ˜†

    SLV



  122.  #122Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 4:33 am

    In the spirt of Thanksgiving Daay and to add to the other “love me” post, I think it was SS?

    I LOVE ME

    I love my nipples
    I love my ripples

    I love my lashes
    I love my flashes

    I love my fingers
    I love my zingers

    I love my nose
    I love my toes

    I love my knees
    I love my sneeze

    I love my twinkles
    I love my wrinkles

    I love my pounds
    I love my rounds

    I love my sags
    I love my skintags

    I love my ankles
    I love what rankles

    I love my nails
    I love my fails

    I love my veins
    I love my stains

    I love my skin
    I love what’s thin

    I love my lips
    I love my hips

    I love my freckles
    I love my speckles

    I love my moles
    I love my rolls

    I love my cellulite
    I love my feet

    I live my chest
    I love my zest

    I love my shoulder
    I love what’s older

    I love my mouth
    I love what’s “heading south”

    I love what’s more of me
    I love what’s less of me

    SLV



  123.  #123Isis on November 25, 2010 at 7:34 am

    Urgent, Sirens, please offer me some advice for this afternoon.

    what to do about a lame failure of a cheat -that my partner cheated on me with entirely openly- who continues to contact my partner?

    We are going to two potlucks today which she will be at. He is “still friends” with her. After the extreme things she’s done, and her manipulative attitude, there is no way I am comfortable with her at all. I stopped speaking to her because any information she has about me she just twists and turns around on me to attempt to serve her agenda.
    They haven’t been seeing each other for about 6-7 months but she still contacts him constantly by phone, email, text, IM, and to bother me, particularly facebook where she posts all over his page, probably to rub into my face that he still talks to her…. although he has really started being less responsive and more apathetic, he still responds some of the time. She tries to persuade him to go to events she’s at, “likes” it when he does, gets her mom/relatives to “like” things.. She now has friended him on foursquare (phone app that tells you where your friends are on a map at any given time.

    He has also agreed to do her hair this next saturday (he is a hairstylist) and was also going to help her find a new house to rent (as he found her last place- but its of little profit to him-rentals bring only a tiny commission for realtors).

    When we are at events, we don’t speak, but she tries to be up on my partner all the time just trying to make me uncomfortable by being there, trying to pull some inside jokes or conversations, get long hugs from him, etc. She is loud and obnoxious.
    But this is all beside the point. The point is I wish he would do something about this. I do not like to be constantly reminded of someone who hurt me severely and during my pregnancy. He played his part but he stopped, but the contact (regardless of how little he responds) bothers me. Because he still responds. If he made ME completely comfortable, being sure that he did NOTHING that bothered me, I would feel good. But I don’t want to see her, hear about her, talk to her, NOTHING. I don’t want to see him hug her, see her on his facebook page.. I would tolerate her presence if he made sure I was completely comfortable but he’s one of those people that if they have the idea that you could be trying to make them do something, won’t do it. And, if she wasn’t so obnoxious trying to rub things in my face all the time and get his attention constantly.

    How can I shift the energy so she backs off, or so he suddenly finds a reason to do something about this? My insisting or talking about it just makes him feel I am trying to control him, and he “stopped seeing her.” I can’t “tell him who his friends are”.

    I was asked in advance to go to these potlucks and agreed, and only found out yesterday that she would be there…

    Should I go?
    What should I do?



  124.  #124Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 7:37 am

    Rosa and SLV,
    Thanks. I dont know what more to say. I feel so blank. Probably because of all the crying. I cried as I never did before.
    It was not the X or the episodes that made me cry; it was the fact that, mentally, i came back to where I started. It took me enormous amounts of energy and practice to move away, lean back, live my life, keep my days and be happy.
    But all of a sudden I am back to what I felt two months back.
    I dont know how it happened. Everything was going so well.
    I had nearly forgot the hurt and the shame and everything.
    I was feeling so happy not engaging him and not letting my self esteem take a nose drive.
    All of a sudden, something happened.
    I still cant put my finger on it.
    But I felt I am back to square one.
    That was a horrible feeling. Horrible feeling. I could not stand that pain.
    That pain was more than the pain of realizing “it was sex”.
    Yes. The pain of going back to the old feeling was much much more than the pain caused by X.
    Meemee



  125.  #125Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 7:46 am

    Rosa
    RE:118
    I dont know. I feel depressed. But I dont know whether I am depressed.
    I am under heavy medication for the allergy. One of the tests done turned out to be positive. I am just back from hospital. I am waiting for one more test result and if that is also positive will have to go for a long term medication.
    I have sleeplessness and I feel tired. Allergy medicines are making me feel drowsy almost all through the day.
    So I dont know if its a compound feeling.
    Meemee



  126.  #126Isis on November 25, 2010 at 7:59 am

    bah. awaiting moderation. awwwh.



  127.  #127marina on November 25, 2010 at 8:07 am

    Hi Meemee,

    I feel so sorry that you went back to feeling the same like you did a couple of months ago.
    I feel like this is showing you that X and the situation with X is not good for you and that you should go back to taking care of yourself and staying away from X.

    I haven’t read your entire story, so I don’t know what kind of allergies you have? I have no medical training whatsoever, but I use a netipot for clearing my sinuses when I start having sinusitus, hay fever or when I wake up feeling that I haven’t slept enough. It is all very natural, you make the solution yourself with some warm water and salt.

    http://www.netipots.us/

    Ciao, Marina



  128.  #128marina on November 25, 2010 at 8:12 am

    PS
    I also believe that stress might make your allergies worse. It might as well be a message that your body is telling you to slow down and take care of yourself. But then again, I am no doctor whatsoever. I am glad that you searched for medical help and hope that you will find a solution.



  129.  #129Isis on November 25, 2010 at 8:17 am

    oh good that was quick.

    well I am feeling frustrated. just this moment he got an invitation from a longtime “friend” of ours to go to San Fran for a New Years Eve performance. This is my “friend” also but the friend didn’t invite me- he invited my partner as his “wingman”
    This guy is single (having divorced hid wife after he cheated on her (with the SAME girl I just posted about-as well as many others). He has sex parties all the time and if you can’t tell by the fact that he didn’t consider me when inviting my partner out on New Years EVE, He is not a good influence for my family. I want to go to San Fransisco for NY too for this festival but certainly not to hang out with him, and definitely do not want my partner to leave (WITH HIM!) and I get to spend new years alone!!!
    (Well, It wouldn’t be alone, I have people in the wings.. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I AM MAD.

    I don’t mean to be, that will just press him more toward going… ๐Ÿ™



  130.  #130Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 9:02 am

    @Meemee

    “…All of a sudden, something happened.
    I still cant put my finger on it.
    But I felt I am back to square one.
    …”

    It seems like something that Honey discussed would happen. I have faith you will be fine, better than fine even though it is a hard hurtful time now.

    None of us can change what WAS even though we Oh so much would like to, but we can change what is and what will be tomorrow.

    Meemee, you are not at square one. You are waaaaayyy ahead of square one. These things go zig zag, not in a straight line away from the difficult. Hang in there.

    Remember the bird flying across the river. Maybe the bird was tired, maybe her wings began to ache… but she kept on keeping on. Please do the same.

    Just a CD suggestion. I know you don’t CD where you live but how about just going on a site like OK Cupid and looking at the men that are out there in some big cities. Just seeing that there are a lot of guys available in the world might give you a different perspective.

    You don’t have to put up a profile and communicate with any of them, just see that there are a lot of them. It might help you to see your future in a different way.

    There are a lot of guys from India living in the U.S. and Canada too if you want to meet someone from a similar background as yours. But you need not limit yourself to your countrymen. As I mentioned in earlier post, the story of woman who married AFTER trouble with another man, this married couple do not have same native language or race, but have similar goals, interests, education and world view.

    Moral of the story: There are a lot of men in the world! You are getting yourself ready for them.

    Come back to the island and riff all you want.

    SLV



  131.  #131marina on November 25, 2010 at 9:04 am

    Hello dear Sirens,

    How y’all doing?

    Janjune and Daria, thank you for your comments, I feel very accepted!

    I loved your conversation on dealing with the corporate guys and will def. keep it in the back of my head for when ever I need it!
    Leaning back leaning back leaning back and they can fill in the space I give them ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Rosa, I wish that you recover soon and get all the love that you deserve, meanwhile, let that guy pamper you ๐Ÿ˜‰

    SLV, I don’t know you and still your comments make me smile and I love it that you love everything about yourself too.

    I feel like I have found this website in time.
    Isn’t there this saying that when the student is ready, the teacher will come?
    Well, I feel a bit excited and also a bit scared, bc all of this is very new to me and so completely different from what I was ever told.

    I turned 30 2 months ago, yep, I am on my first Saturn return (since some of you are also interested in astrology, I also use http://www.astro.com and think that Robert Hand, Linda Goodman, Liz Greene, Martin Schulman and Howard Sasportas wrote some very good books on astrology and psychology).

    I feel like I am standing on a bridge, perhaps the bridge Rori talks about.

    I feel like I am overlooking my life so far, I am no longer that 12, 14, 22 or 26 year old girl. But I can come down from my bridge, go back to these events and heal myself. I made a list yesterday, about things that happened with BF1. I wrote down what happened. How I felt. What I did back then. And what I would do now, how I would act now. With what I have learned so far from this website and from all of you. I no longer felt bad about myself. I feel like I have more power and more options.

    My story isn’t carved in stone. I can change the way I feel about things and the way I handle things.

    Some events happened, in my life, in my parents life, that I cannot change. I feel that my parents in their time (and probably also now) didn’t have the right tools, didn’t really know what to do either. I feel sorry for them and I forgive them.

    I really love love love to write, so I feel very happy about your comments. I am more of a writer, but love to speak for groups too. I have been thinking about starting my own blog, just to get used to writing and to have a way to express myself. And perhaps one day I will start writing articles or publishing a novel, who knows.

    Funny thing is, this is my family too. In my mothers family, people write a lot. My grandpa wrote the history of our family. The part where he writes how he fell in love with my grandma, is so beautiful and touching, I really see them sitting there as these two young people who are falling in love. Also my Mum writes many many letters with family and friends.

    In my fathers family telling stories is very common. My father knows so much of the history of his island and his town. I always tell him that next year when he retires, he should start to work as a city guide ๐Ÿ™‚ My oldest brother works as a mountain guide and now tells his customers the stories that my father told us.

    So, back to the bridge. I find it hard to write about my current relationship with BF4. I will keep it for myself for some more time. A part of it is behind me, a part of it is here with me, and I don’t know if another part of it is on the other side of the bridge.
    But I feel that that is OK. I don’t need that answer now.
    Not everything about my current relationship is ‘the relationship I want’. But I feel I don’t want to focus on this relationship and BF4 entirely.

    I want to do the Circular Dating, I want to go out and meet people (instead of beating myself up and saying I am not good enough or not ready or…)

    I want to do things that make me feel happy, that make me feel happy about me now and about my life now. Like writing, and climbing and meeting people ๐Ÿ™‚

    And I also feel that I am just starting to discover what the relationship that I want, feels like, looks like, even sounds like.

    Ciao, Marina



  132.  #132Rosalie on November 25, 2010 at 10:33 am

    SOS SIRENS!!! Help me please!

    I know that this idea sounds terrible BUT: how can you convince a man that you LOVE HIM???

    I love him, but he doesn’t believe it for a reason! He thinks I only used him! Which is not true. I fe he knew I loved him, he would want to be with me…

    He is convinced with something completely untrue.

    What would you do in this case????



  133.  #133Isis on November 25, 2010 at 10:33 am

    And now for something entirely different:

    I have a question about CDing. How would CDing work when you are living with someone, and obviously, having sex with them? Do any of you have experience with this?

    In theory I don’t see a guy wanting to date me knowing this is the case. (especially if the two men had to interact). OR if he did, I doubt we would go long without him getting frustrated that he is dating me but I’m sleeping with someone else.

    I have a very interesting situation on my hands… for details and background, read on…
    The man I live with, when he acts like a snackbag, gets treated like a snackbag. This seems to help things.

    He is definitely more interested when he realizes there are other men interested… talking and flirting with them only brings him over to see what’s going on though, (c*ckblocking do we say?) but it does raise interest. But as long as I’m not really doing much about it, it isn’t taken seriously. I could just chat it up with guys on the phone all the time… but.. I’m not sure if that would work like going out with them.

    On the other hand maybe anything would work.

    In addition there is one guy who (for me) is a serious contender, as he is the father of my child born during this relationship with man I live with (long story, short breakup).
    So a lot of emotional things play into these relationships including disappointment about the baby, etc.

    He has not told me what his intentions are as far as us, although he will flirt and he does care about me. But he says he thinks it will be easier to figure out what we want this to look like after he gets here. sigh.

    Half of me wants to just move in with him, and do this thing, give it a try. But I don’t want to get stuck in a slowly moving- going nowhere situation again, so regardless of where I am now, I do not want to start the same kind of thing with him. And I don’t want to mess things up with him. So he is a definite contender, if I can figure out how to date him, knowing I am still seeing the man I live with.

    He is coming to see us in a couple weeks, for the first time meeting the baby, and is moving back here after living in various states over the last several years. We love each other but have never had any type of exclusive relationship. Because he is an ARIES, I have the idea that his idealism may encourage him to try out a real relationship now. We will see.
    I care about both of these men in my life, and because of that, I do not want to mess this up, incase one of them becomes the relationship of my dreams. I know with Aries I should not fold too fast, but he has to know he’s making progress and also know he’s most important.
    When he doesn’t get his way, he can be moody and go to his cave for a while…. that’s how I know he doesn’t like something. He just doesn’t talk to me. He’s also opened up to me a LOT in the last year or two. I’ve also learned he doesn’t like to be ignored, so it makes sense that he ignores people when he doesn’t like something.

    He would definitely continue sleeping with me but the complication of sleeping with two people at once (and them both knowing) scares me. Particularly since this could be construed as permission to have an open relationship, which does not fly with me, at least not unless I’ve chosen it- and even then I’m not so sure about that.

    I would like to keep my health safe, avoid tons of awkward feelings since the father will be visiting us at our house and included in events we go to. But I want to date him.

    If I don’t have sex with him though, I feel he will be frustrated knowing I am having sex with the man I live with and he will go have sex with other people. This scares me because it will bring other people in to the relationship which he may actually grow feelings for, and complicate the already not simple situation.

    hmmmmm.

    Just thinking out loud…

    now for less thinking and more feeling….



  134.  #134Rori Raye on November 25, 2010 at 10:43 am

    Isis – She’ll never back off. Stop trying to push that. Either accept your man and the situation as it is, or dump him. He’s not going to stop being friends with her unless you really, really make it so that he doesn’t want to be anywhere but with you – and that has to happen on his OWN. If you don’t like the situation with this other woman (and I wouldn’t want it for a second) drop him, stop contact with him, and Circular Date until you find someone else. Being mad at him won’t help you one bit. Love, Rori



  135.  #135Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 10:47 am

    @Rosalie

    I don’t know; I don’t believe sirens are “convincers.”

    How did he convince you that if loves you? Why is there a need to “convince” him? Do you know how you feel? Did you tell him how you feel? What does he say?

    Maybe someone here can suggest words for you to express how you are feeling. What do you think?

    SLV



  136.  #136Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 10:49 am

    @Rosalie,

    Oops, ๐Ÿ˜ณ “How did he convince you that HE loves you?”

    SLV



  137.  #137Turtle Girl on November 25, 2010 at 11:01 am

    SLV-

    Your self love list is great sweetie-awesome! ;o)



  138.  #138Plum on November 25, 2010 at 11:22 am

    Rosalie 132

    Did he say why he feels used? What did he do for you that makes him feel used?

    A man wants to be with you when he loves you, no matter if you tell him I love you or not. It is his own feelings that make him stay.

    Would you stay with your neighbor just because he told you he loves you?

    Either he lies, he feels your love but he does not love you, so he turned things around to get out of the relationship.

    Or he really can’t feel your love because he does not love you

    Or he really does not feel your love because you don’t love him. You stucked your expectations on him and he felt it.

    Or he has a low self esteem and can’t believe any woman loves him.

    In any case, he needs to be attracted to your emotions, not convinced by your emotions.

    Your emotions about yourself and your life, not about him.

    He’d rather hear that you love yourself, it could wake his interest.

    Lean back, let him a chance to miss you and to want to speak to you.
    Cdate, start seeing other men.

    If he speaks to you again, show him you love your life.

    If he sticks around, do not say I love you again. Wait for the man to say it first.

    xxx



  139.  #139Rosalie on November 25, 2010 at 11:34 am

    @ Plum 136.

    WOW thank you so much!!! I love your comments- as usually. I feel I can learn from you so much.

    Huh, massive amount of information…
    Yes, I do love him, very much and very selflessly… I told him a million times that I love him. I cuddled, cried, begged, used feeling messages…

    So I basically did both right and wrong things. I have tried everything. I’m lean back now. We don’t talk bec he says to a friend, I didn’t love him- as to him…

    Yes, he has a very low self-esteem. He’s very depressed now and alone.

    I don’t think he will contact me as long as he keeps this belief. So I can’t show him my new attitude or attract him. ๐Ÿ™ There’s no channel to communicate this. He simply doesn’t belive or trust me at all…



  140.  #140Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 11:38 am

    Sirens
    I went out, had a nice dinner.
    Feeling much much better.
    Back on the horse again!!
    Meemee



  141.  #141Rosalie on November 25, 2010 at 11:42 am

    @ SLV

    Thank you so much as well. Yes I have told. I’m 100% sure about my feelings for a long time.

    I don’t understand at all why he feels used or not loved… Why I have raised this question to you, is bec I haven’t done anything to support these beliefs… Nothing… He just made up out of the blue.

    That’s why I don’t get it at all.



  142.  #142Plum on November 25, 2010 at 11:43 am

    Hey Meemee Darling!

    I feel so good reading you went out for dinner ๐Ÿ™‚



  143.  #143Rosalie on November 25, 2010 at 11:53 am

    Oh and I have to add that this guy is very primitive thinking. For fim feelings are e.g. he need to eat drink etc.
    These are feelings for him. So I should transorm my message into very elementary level… If you could help me with this…



  144.  #144Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 11:56 am

    139: Rosalie saya:

    “…Thatโ€™s why I donโ€™t get it at all…”

    Plum has good info and even better questions! ๐Ÿ˜€

    SLV



  145.  #145Rosalie on November 25, 2010 at 11:58 am

    @ SLV:

    I know… I have to catch up to the level… ๐Ÿ˜‰
    I feel stupid now bec of this guy… Argh.



  146.  #146Daria on November 25, 2010 at 11:59 am

    ugh! betrayed again1

    I noticed in the past that when I’d have a talk with my mom, and tell her something important or something I felt vulnerable about,

    when i felt heard,

    the next day or later on

    in front of my dad she would start telling a different story

    like stabbing me in the back

    it felt awful

    I feel awful now

    I felt heard yesterday

    and today while im having breakfast

    she starts talking about

    “who would’ve thought that in 5 years we’d be right back where we started”

    etc

    “like they ask you in interviews where will you be in 5 years, and we’re right back where we started”

    I was quiet but i did say

    i dont feel like im in the same place as 5 years ago

    my dad is like:

    “oh yeah well where are you then?! you are moving forward or what?”

    im like well

    “I feel a lot happier than 5 years ago ”

    I don’t know if that was heard

    but to backstabby fake ass mom

    HERES THE MIDDLE FINGER

    FU(CK YOU YOU FAKE ASS BITCH!

    thank you

    I dont want fu9ckin backstabbing

    or put downs

    in my temple

    **

    now the attitude in the house is off cuz after that she kinda said some shit about my dad

    now theyre arguing about spices

    and hes yelling

    UGH

    I HATE THAT SHIT

    and I HATE THAT FAKE ASS THANK YOU she says to my dad about the food

    now that hes the one who works

    LIke than kyou

    sounding like

    fuck you

    BITCH!

    I HATE THAT SHIT

    I HATE YOU!

    actually

    right now

    FAKE ASS FAKE ASS FAKE ASS BITCH



  147.  #147Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    138: Meemee says:

    “Back on the horse again!!”

    Yea!!!!!!!

    Like Rori said, you can take “whatsisname” with you on the horse (but he rides in back because you have the reins!) and you don’t have to spend energy “forgetting him” or “wondering what he’s thinking.” Keep on doing what is good for you so that you get the relationship you want. CD in any way you can.

    SLV



  148.  #148Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    @Rosalie

    You are not stupid. You are smart and you care about yourself to come here and find best ways to have a good relationship.

    SLV



  149.  #149Daria on November 25, 2010 at 12:06 pm

    ugh! betrayed again1

    I noticed in the past that when Iโ€™d have a talk with my mom, and tell her something important or something I felt vulnerable about,

    when i felt heard,

    the next day or later on

    in front of my dad she would start telling a different story

    like stabbing me in the back

    it felt awful

    I feel awful now

    I felt heard yesterday

    and today while im having breakfast

    she starts talking about

    โ€œwho wouldโ€™ve thought that in 5 years weโ€™d be right back where we startedโ€

    etc

    โ€œlike they ask you in interviews where will you be in 5 years, and weโ€™re right back where we startedโ€

    I was quiet but i did say

    i dont feel like im in the same place as 5 years ago

    my dad is like:

    โ€œoh yeah well where are you then?! you are moving forward or what?โ€

    im like well

    โ€œI feel a lot happier than 5 years ago โ€

    I donโ€™t know if that was heard

    but to backstabby fake as4s mom

    HERES THE MIDDLE FINGER

    FU(4CK YOU YOU FAKE AS4S BI*TCH!

    thank you

    I dont want fu9ckin backstabbing

    or put downs

    in my temple

    **

    now the attitude in the house is off cuz after that she kinda said some shit about my dad

    now theyre arguing about spices

    and hes yelling

    UGH

    I HATE THAT SHIT

    and I HATE THAT FAKE AS*S THANK YOU she says to my dad about the food

    now that hes the one who works

    LIke than kyou

    sounding like

    fu*ck you

    BITCH!

    I HATE THAT SHIT

    I HATE YOU!

    actually

    right now

    FAKE ASS FAKE ASS FAKE ASS BITCH



  150.  #150Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    I am trying to think now.
    After much crying and drama, my head is ready for thinking.
    I think I should never ever engage X in a personal talk. In the last conversation he talked about my body and did all the apologizing and promises to be nice etc while the bottom line was “I am interested in sex”. I sort of separated the two. I took the first bit (sexual talk, apologies, explanation for his bad behavior, description of my body and his desire for my body) as something positive and promising. A sign that he is changing. A sign that he still wants me.
    But the second part (no marriage, secrecy, only-sex) continued to hurt me.
    Now I see and read the first and the second bit together. So everything falls in place. There is nothing changed. I should be on my horse again.

    Thanks Plum for the game metaphor. He did think that my hurt has something to do with the internal rules of the game being violated. So he tried to fix it by emphasizing his rules- I will be nice, I will try and change, I will call, I will text- but no marriage-secrecy- I will not be there for you always or forever.

    Everytime I talked about a different game- no secrecy, no side dish, no second class treatment, he defined his game again- the game of sex.

    He said he wants to meet me at my place for sex. I said we will meet, but no sex. He said he will fix the meeting. He did not. So he wants to do everything within the game defined by him. If it is for sex, we can meet. If not, he will not follow it up.

    I think I was blind for some time. Now I see things clearly.

    Between, he pinged me online just now saying apologies after apologies for not responding to me and not meeting. His grandma was ill and asking me for forgiveness. I said I feel hurt, but I feel settled too. He again sent an apology explaining the situation. I repeated it- I feel hurt. But I settled about it. He said he does not have the energy to defend him becasue he had a very bad day and he is off to sleep.

    Why is it all about him? His explanations, his reasons, his energy to defend him. Wasnt I the one who got hurt? If at all he wants to talk should not we be talking about it????

    Anyway. I feel less worried about it now. I was generally upset with one of my allergy tests and ANA Elisa test turning out to be positive. That meant lots of medicines and treatment and money.

    I should be the one keeping myself away. I dont want the vibe to change to one of me going back to the old pattern and bargaining.

    No bargaining.
    It is about me.

    Meemee



  151.  #151Daria on November 25, 2010 at 12:10 pm

    feeling tense on ready to fight/flee mode, disappointed…

    i did EFT for a wonderful day this morning!@

    i feel angry inmy cheeks tummy and i love my anger

    hhhm

    i love my hhm

    i feel so angry

    i love my anger

    i lovemy anger

    and that feels like

    smiling

    i love my smile and that feels like

    raising up and the tension in my mouth feeling hot and good

    i love my raising up and the tension in my mouth

    and that feels lik

    relaxing and pulsing in my chest

    i love the relaxing and pulsing in my chest



  152.  #152Lorelei on November 25, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    Hi Rosalie @ 141

    Re: “Oh and I have to add that this guy is very primitive thinking. For fim feelings are e.g. he need to eat drink etc.
    These are feelings for him. So I should transorm my message into very elementary levelโ€ฆ If you could help me with thisโ€ฆ”

    I just remembered something I read on here, somewhere. It might be a post thread. . someone else might remember. . .

    It’s – how about if we expressed our feelings not even by e.g. “I feel frightened” but “I feel tight in my shoulders and my stomach is churning.’ Or “I feel cold, and my heart is fluttering and my hands feel shaky,” instead of “I feel nervous.” I remember the example I read on here was probably Rori quoting another coach, and there were examples about strict, uptight soldiers being able to relate to how the body feels, without necessarily naming the emotion. Sorry I can’t point you to anything more specific, but your post just reminded me of this.

    For happy ” I feel like turning cartwheels!” ?



  153.  #153Daria on November 25, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    i got a nice happy thanksgiving message from 19 man and it melted me and i felt like crying and had tears kinda form at my eyes

    they didnt fall but it felt good to release the tension

    i feel like i can lean and surrender on him ven tho its virtual..

    i can feel his energy being right here like i was leaning on a door or wall

    i know i could lean on his chest and cry



  154.  #154Lorelei on November 25, 2010 at 12:25 pm

    Meemee @ 147

    I am so happy to read how you came through today, from feeling very low, to going for a nice meal to help yourself to feel better. Our feelings are like waves in the sea – they wash over us and carry us for a while, then another feeling comes.

    And you are on your horse again. Which is wonderful. So X pings you – he is realising that you are going to hold your ground.

    How would you feel about not even answering when he pings you, unless it’s about work?

    It is possible that the more you stay in conversation with him, the more he feels he still has a chance, because he can still get a reaction from you.

    And you don’t have to give him your time and energy.
    We can all chose who gets our time and energy . .

    I love Rori’s idea that as we love and care for ourselves, it is like our own fountain of love, which waters and softens us. I just heard Rori say in one of her CD’s that for a man to even get 5 minutes with us, in a personal sense, he should be bringing water to fill up our fountains – clear, clean, caring, respectful, loving contributions to our well-being. The man who only takes, doesn’t get the benefit of our fountain.



  155.  #155Lorelei on November 25, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    Daria @ 150

    That’s beautiful – beautiful

    Will you just enjoy the feelings, or will you let him know how it made you feel?

    I’m kind of curious how we respond to messages like this.



  156.  #156Daria on November 25, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    I did it. I wrote 16 bars of rap.

    I still feel very angry.

    Um glad to feel it so clearly



  157.  #157Daria on November 25, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    I just did a vampire scream… Feeling giggly and delighted



  158.  #158Daria on November 25, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    Lorelei – I wrote this

    “thank you papi…

    that feels really good to read right now…

    i wa just upset and now i feel like crying… thanks for being here with this message right now”



  159.  #159Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    About feeling of hurt-
    It is okay to feel the feelings and state the feelings. But is it okay to talk about it-
    say for example I was hurt and X apologized profusely and I stated I was hurt and he apologized again and asked why, I ignored it-
    when it happens next time- when I state a feeling and when someone asks me why, how should I respond.
    I felt talking ABOUT the “why” sort of dilutes my power.
    Meemee



  160.  #160Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    Why do I feel less powerful when I talk about why I felt a feeling???
    Meemee



  161.  #161Lorelei on November 25, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    Last night, I had a really long text convo with WaveMan. He lives 500 miles away, but is now arranging to come and meet me in a fortnight. Which is a surprise, cos I never imagined anyone would do THAT.

    I know Rori says that until the man is right in front of you, he doesn’t exist. But I’m feeling excited because there is quite a lot of shared humour in email and on the phone. And last night after a lot of fun conversation joking about running away to Cuba for Christmas (I don’t want Christmas this year – first one after separation – and Christmas just seems like more than I can handle, and no Christmas in Cuba) he turned the conversation to quite serious, asking what I was really looking for in a man. Replied in feeling messages – how I would want to feel in company with a man etc. The he said “You’re so lovely, like a delicate flower . .”

    And that made tears flow, but I just said thank you. I wish now, I had said that I felt I was melting. And my heart is fluttering even now.

    Fortunately there is a bit of CD=ing going on . . .and having a few other men in the mix does help in not getting too hung up on one. But WaveMan moves me. And I like being moved.



  162.  #162Lorelei on November 25, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    Daria – that’s lovely. Also want to say that I really liked your idea of talking to the part of you that distracts you from getting on with stuff – perhaps on another thread. I really like that and I need to do it too!



  163.  #163Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    Lorelei RE:151

    “So X pings you โ€“ he is realising that you are going to hold your ground”.
    Precisely what I felt- when I hold to my ground, when I move on he comes in. When I am upset and lost he does not. I think this is more than a coincidence. This may be a pattern.

    Meemee



  164.  #164Daria on November 25, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    Meemee – often times we get triggered and feel stuff… It’s not about the situation at hand… It’s a bringing up of a past instance that is ” triggered ”

    ” you are never upset for the reason you think”

    Is a way to put it.



  165.  #165Daria on November 25, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    But you can look for what thoughts and circumstances Trigger bad feelings in the now… So you can be aware and treat yourself well Now.. Even tho in the past it may have Bern out your ability



  166.  #166Daria on November 25, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    Lorelei – this sounds lovely… a fortnight is 2 weeks right? Feels exciting



  167.  #167Lorelei on November 25, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    Meemee @ 157 –

    it looks like you have answered your own question – talking about why you felt something dilutes your power . . so there’s a reason not to. Maybe it’s because when we start to dissect ‘why?’, we slip from feminine, actually feeling the feeling, into masculine wondering why and what. So it directs us away from the feeling itself? Maybe?

    When i was with my husband, and began using feeling messages, he often came back with “Why?” or “You have no reason to feel like that.”

    I didn’t handle it very well then. These days, I hope I will be able to answer with words like “That is my feeling – I feel nervous” (ie sort of repeat it), or “That’s my truth.” “That’s what is real for me right now – I feel accepting and content.”

    If someone tries to change how I feel about something, I try to remember that how I feel is valid, no mater whether anyone else agrees. Feelings aren’t right are wrong – they just are what they are. I might feel angry, no I would feel angry with someone who tried to put me in the wrong, or query how I feel. Our feelings in our bodies don’t lie!!



  168.  #168Daria on November 25, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    Meemee – you can try saying I felt upset When etc..,

    Why works too, bit nit to explain ( explaining loses power)

    But to express. Clearly.

    I feel angry to have no warning that plans are canceled. I don’t want to be treated that way. I feel unimportant and I feel angry about that.



  169.  #169Plum on November 25, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    Lorelei 158

    Reading about waveman, inspired me posts 493 + 495 on this thread
    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/if-youre-addicted-to-him/#comment-78204

    ๐Ÿ™‚



  170.  #170Daria on November 25, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    Meemee – more:

    Rori says to avoid saying we feel ” hurt”. A man will likely hear this as blame… As in.. He hurt us. And that will overwhelm him and shut down.

    I use I feel sad, upset, angry, dissapibted, heartbroken, my heart aching, heart feels heavy



  171.  #171Lorelei on November 25, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    Meemee @ 160 –

    Well, he can ping you, but you can ignore him. You’re riding off on your horse, breaking into a gallop!! He’s running along behind and yelling a bit to distract you and try to make you stop or come back.

    So he pings. [I don’t actually know about ping-ing, so I don’t know how it works or what it looks like.] But do you turn have to turn and look back from your horse – is it possible to ignore a ping? Can you start chatting to someone else? Or put on headphones, and block him out? Or go offline for a while . . so he can’t see you’re online?

    I understand that it must feel really distracting, and nerve-wracking when he pings you. It would set all my nerves on edge if it was happening to me. But stay strong – you are doing brilliantly. And all the ups and downs are part of the process, the downs as much as the ups. Keep going, beautiful Siren!!



  172.  #172Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Lovely Daria

    “I feel angry to have no warning that plans are canceled. I donโ€™t want to be treated that way. I feel unimportant and I feel angry about that.”

    You know what- I feel so jealous that you can use and create feeling messages so powerfully.
    I am full of admiration.
    In fact my feelings of admiration surpasses feelings of jealousy.
    True Goddess you are.
    Meemee



  173.  #173Lorelei on November 25, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Daria – 163 –

    yes, a fortnight is 2 weeks. And he just texted to say he’s confirmed a booking at his hotel in my home town!!

    Hit me over the head please – I’m feeling excited about this, I’m even feeling turned on about this, and that is crazy because I haven’t even met him . .



  174.  #174Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    Honey,
    I dont know if you are reading this and when you will read this.
    But today I thought about you a lot. A lot.
    I went back to all your old posts and read them again.
    I just want to tell you that I miss you so much here.
    Love you
    Meemee



  175.  #175Daria on November 25, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    Meemee – jealousy is grat to feel.. It shows you what you want – to write clear feeling messages – and that you think you are not going to have what you want – which feels bad.

    The good thing is you don’t have to believe the second part… It’s not true. ๐Ÿ™‚



  176.  #176Daria on November 25, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    Lorelei – I feel confused… In what way do u want me to hit you? I hope it’s like an encouraging way. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    This sounds lovely. I would feel super flattered amazing and delighted



  177.  #177Lorelei on November 25, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    Plum – @166 –

    Thanks for reminding me – those posts of yours were sparked off by my panicked reaction to WaveMan’s first ideas about meeting up.

    I’m trying very hard to stay calm about all this – but feeling a little entranced, truly, as well. Trying to stay in the moment, and treat it as a flattering opportunity to practice the tools. But I am attracted – to his voice on the phone!

    All the more reason for you all to tell me. I will keep reading these posts!!!! I’m laughing at myself a little – and also know that I’m vulnerable, 5 months on from marriage breakdown. I don’t want a rebound relationship, but I feel I’m vulnerable to one, now I’ve started meeting men live.

    All part of the process.



  178.  #178Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    Dariaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
    All my teachers in life were people whom I felt jealous of, which means you are qualified by that standard to be one. ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚
    May be I should take a crash course from you. Truly. I need training on this.
    I am sure you will be the author of the next bestseller “How to use feeling messages” or “10 things you should not do while using feeling messages”!!
    That was a compliment. Heartfelt.

    Meemee



  179.  #179Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    Are there any smokers here who quit successfully?
    This is my 31st cigarrette of the day and this is unusually high ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ™
    Meemee



  180.  #180Lorelei on November 25, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    Daria @ 173

    Hit me over the head in a nice way, but to remind me not to build the now confirmed date into anything more than just a first date. I do feel super delighted and flattered, and turned on, and excited, and wondering what he will be like in person . . I can’t help it.

    I suppose what I really mean is that I’m afraid of just expecting more than he delivers. This is the first man I’ve felt excited about meeting . . as if we might actually get on!



  181.  #181Daria on November 25, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Lorelei – no head hooting here… Just delight and permission to enjoy the delight and excitement of now… Believing you will step into joy.. And it will simply be… Joy.



  182.  #182Daria on November 25, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    Meemee – thank you. It would feel awesome to write sonethingblikevthat… I feels scared and overwhelmed thinking of the logistics tho… That feels sad



  183.  #183Plum on November 25, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    Meemee 176

    I quit12 years ago

    You should go to bed, that will make you stop smoking for tonight. lol

    31 is a catastrophe. I was up to 20 when I stopped and I thought it was way too many as it was.

    Have compassion for your dear little lungs, please



  184.  #184Lorelei on November 25, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    Daria – at 178

    Thank you, goddess. For permisision to love my feelings of joy and flatteredness, and blushing-with-pleasure-femininity. No point in just practising loving my sadness, and anger and fear! I want love all the feelings, even the re-joicing ones.



  185.  #185Daria on November 25, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    My mom brought me pumpkin seeds. Now I feel better towards her.

    I also feel tired right now… Hmm



  186.  #186Lorelei on November 25, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    Meemee dear

    Hope you sleep well and deeply . . it’s exhausting processing so much emotion, and so much stuff.



  187.  #187Plum on November 25, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    Meemee 160

    That’s what Rori is telling

    *You lean back and mind your life, he is attracted; You express happiness, they want some.

    *You fuss, you lean forward, you let it be about him again, he steps back. They don’t like bad moods and they feel pressured.

    We all do that, men and women.

    Lean back, stop hoping or expecting anything from him, and stick to your boundaries, you’ll be all right

    He’ll either stop coming to you because your boundaries will stop him. He’ll get bored. You win peace.

    Or he will step up to be at the same level as your boundaries. You win love.

    In either case, you win.
    Your boundaries protect you.

    Plus, when leaning back, your feel relax, you smile, and a new man might catch your smile ๐Ÿ˜‰

    xxx



  188.  #188Lorelei on November 25, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    btw – where is Katarina P these days?



  189.  #189Daria on November 25, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    “spirituality is the process of living life more intensely”

    Yes! I feel this !

    This u’s what I lived and felt so real and raw and fulfiilinnig about street life w my brothers… Yum

    It felt like living life most intensely on top of the world like no one else could touch the intensity of living thus I was really living! And I will live this way everyday! Spirit magic raw power.



  190.  #190marina on November 25, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    I watched Love Aaj Kal this weekend, probably the best Bollywoodmovie I have seen, and so romantic!!!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8pWvwzbDQo&feature=player_embedded

    Today I watched ‘Eat pray and love’, ah I felt so jealous of Julia Roberts,I wish I could take a year off and travel the world and find myself too! I have always dreamt of travelling and writing!!!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8csr68LjUM

    I feel so confused, what kind of relationship do I want?? Sometimes I wonder what a man brings to my life. I always wanted to be able to take care of myself, selfreliant, smart and cool. And still I want to be a Goddess too, a worshipped Goddess, with a man who is devoted to me, who loves every part of me, with whom I can grow, build a future with, be happy with.

    I would love to see a show of Rori together with Anthony Robbins and Cloe Madanes. Robbins also talks about feminine and male energy, but through Rori I can understand it better and I feel that is true for many people out there.

    Also,I would love to see Rori give a speech at TED, that would be awesome!
    http://www.ted.com/

    Ciao, Marina



  191.  #191Daria on November 25, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    We have a fresh scrubbed siren! Ah life is so hood with skin brushing and hot cold showers. I feel teary.



  192.  #192Jacqueline on November 25, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    Hello Lovlies!!
    I’m back to work and it’s pretty much 24/7 as I have to answer the calls about resident problems – which have been busted piping all week,no elec, etc. Was on the phone at 11 last nite and 6 – 7 tonite!

    but a very great meal at the cafeteria with no dishes to wash and boyfriend having turkey and dressing was nice.

    I’m trying to use the tools at work – esp. on new man boss – so I’ll end my email w/ what do you think? lol….

    and he went on vacation my second week there.

    Ugh – it’s been intense and I’m afraid I made a mistake and there’s all these jockeying for power and position sh*t stuff going on, BUT I am still fine! and really, really tired.

    And a little confused – like last Sat. when there was no hot water it was a huge deal and why hadn’t I called boss at 8:30 a.m. and tonite when the pipe bursts and there’s no hot water it’s well there’s nothing we can do about it! It’s a holiday, let the parking lot flood if you have to…

    So, yeah…confused. Like eggshell men but at work. Bummer!

    And so everyone – Sweetpea? LG, Daria, Brenda, on and on and on – Hey, Meemee!!!! Love….to you all and I miss you! Knock, you here? What happened??

    And three things? Brilliant as always Rori – but I can think of hundreds. I’m lucky like that. Just gotta use my focus – and loving the attraction post two posts back about just that.

    Happy and Grateful days, everyone!

    Jacqueline



  193.  #193Katnina on November 25, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    wow. feeling messages are magic!
    mr. fireman texted me yesterday-first contact in a month. i feeling messaged him back much later once i figured out how to express what i felt.
    he texted me today when i was sleeping.
    i feeling messaged back later. he texted back immediately. and so on and so forth until he…felt compelled to pick up the phone & call me! just a quick conversation since i am at work, but it felt lovely that he was moved to call me.
    i dont care what the outcome is with him, i feel like i finally saddled up my horse and hopped on and oh, look, who is that running behind my beautiful mare? oh! it’s mr. fireman.
    ok mr. fireman, you can join my ‘volunteer army of men.’ i’ll treat you like i am treating my other CD’s. i’ll be open to receiving what you choose to give me. i will express my feelings instead of holding them in. and i won’t lean forward. because leaning back feels much, much more comfortable.

    p.s. modern siren came yesterday and i started it when i got home from work and i love, love, love it!! it feels like I am learing from a jedi master of love. i felt silly writing that but it’s truly how i felt watching the DVD and practicing the tools. yay!!



  194.  #194Katnina on November 25, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    Hi Meemee,
    I really identify with your situation. It can be so difficult when your body craves someone who your head and heart and soul KNOW is bad for you.
    What helped me most to escape from oxytocin bonding with a very toxic man, was focusing on loving myself. taking care of myself and doing stuff to take my focus back onto me.
    I know it is hard to find time for yourself with your work schedule, but if you can carve out some time, here are some things that work for me:
    1) going to see funny movies with my girlfriends (funny is better than romantic for me bc i can just laugh and not think about how much my love life is sucking at the moment)
    2) exercise. even just a quick walk around the block.
    3) focusing on breathing. try taking 2 minutes to do this: when you breathe in, think ‘in.’ when you breathe out, think ‘out.’ it will seem like long time. you will notice the difference-your heartbeat will seem to slow a little. this can be done almost anywhere.
    4) cooking a really elaborate meal for your friends and you to enjoy.
    5) connecting with an animal. i don’t know if you have pets, but even if you don’t, if you have a friend with a pet, just spending a couple minutes petting a cat or dog can really help. or watching birds for a few minutes.
    all of these activities help me to take care of myself and reclaim myself.
    best of luck to you in your healing process, I know you can do it.
    Katnina



  195.  #195Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    @176: Meemee says:

    “Are there any smokers here who quit successfully?”

    Yeah, I haven’t smoked in a while… no cigarettes for a couple of decades I think. I smoked a couple decades too.

    Now is not a good time for you to “stop” although I won’t discourage you if you want to stop cold. But you could cut down a little. 31 is a lot of cigarettes. How many do you usually smoke? Put 12 cigarettes in a cigarette case and that’s it for the day. Go for longer breaks in between. In a week make it 11. Next week 10. And no carry overs if you don’t smoke your allowance for the day.

    Take up knitting (or crochet). I strongly recommend that. I might take up crochet too. I saw a fabulous crocheted skirt today. I want one but it would probably take forever to make. The little skirt was made by my granddaughter’s 89-year old great-grandmother and is fabulous beyond words, the stitches are so small and the thread so fine I didn’t know it was crochet at first glance.

    Knitting and crochet are somewhat like meditation and relax you and focus energy at the same time.

    SLV



  196.  #196Lin on November 25, 2010 at 7:21 pm

    I am so sorry that i would distract the topic. i don;t know how to send a private message to Brenda.
    I read Brenda’s post from the second last topic. i hope she can read my question here. my father has been diagnosed with liver cancer and our family is struggling now. I googled “colloidal silver”, but did not find the website as Brenda said. Brenda could you pls specify a bit? need your help.

    sorry for the interruption.

    Brenda wrote:
    For liver cancer, google โ€œcolloidal silverโ€. There is a website with testimonials of people with liver problems who have been HEALED, despite the medical community saying it is incurable! Fruits and veggies help tremendously too, cleansing the body from the inside out, at the cell level. See โ€œLiving Healthโ€ by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond.



  197.  #197Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    @182: Daria says:

    “…My mom brought me pumpkin seeds. Now I feel better towards her….”

    Yes, mothers are like that, our babies are always our babies. I can’t wait until you have yours, I am going to guess that your Mom can’t either. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Mark my words that you and your mother are going to have some real fun together in the future comparing you and her to you and your children. heh heh ๐Ÿ˜†

    SLV



  198.  #198Nikita on November 25, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    crochet helped me too!

    I agree with SLV…. I have not had a bit of nicotine in almost a year…..and crochet was so relaxing for me the first few months….. I made one thing…but being able to busy my hands grounded me….and grew my joy as i imagined making a scarf for a loved one.

    I never finished the scarf….. but it felt good for my mind to be in that meditative state.



  199.  #199Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 8:32 pm

    SLV
    Earlier it was 10-12. But for the last 3 months I smoke 2 packets or closer to that.
    When I go to my parents I do not smoke.
    Meemee



  200.  #200Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    @Meemee

    In times of stress, cigarettes can be comforting friends. Going back to twelve probably won’t be too difficult, if you think it will be start with 15 or whatever you think you can handle; don’t stress yourself over this… allow yourself a pack of 20 (it’s better than 31! :LOL: ) if that’s where you need to start and then 19 the next week. I think you could start with 12 or 15. If you can’t decrease the next week just stay where you are until you can decrease for months if you want to, just don’t go back up.

    Once you are at 10 or less a day you can start taking longer smoke free portions of the day. Don’t force yourself. You’ll get there, try different ways, do what works for you. If you “need” a cigarette, have one. Soon you will want fewer.

    If you don’t need to finish the whole cigarette, don’t. If you feel better without smoking for long periods and then smoke two or three at a time, OK too (I used to do that!) Do what works for you and feels kind of easy.

    Cinnamon gum helps too instead of having a cigarette or to make the break between cigarettes a little longer.

    I hope this helps. I tried a lot of different things.

    SLV



  201.  #201Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    @Nikita

    Finish the scarf or make another one. I really prefer knitting. I haven’t done it in a few years and would like to start again. I saw a cool project to start up again. Someone did a knock off of an Anthropologie head wrap; I think the “home knit” version was actually nicer.

    I saw it and thought “I want one! I could see myself wearing it and CD in coffee shops all over the place.” I didn’t start project but my DDIL gave me some yarn to try since I tossed my stash last year (yeah, wasn’t that dumb?!! ) I had lots of expensive pure wool skeins… Oh, I wish I hadn’t done that but can’t stand packing up and I was tossing all kinds of stuff…Sigh…that I wish I still had… ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

    SLV



  202.  #202Brenda on November 25, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    Hi, my name is Brenda, and I’m new on here.

    I’m anorexic, and I am finally completely severing Ryan from my life. He didn’t call me on Thanksgiving. I am completely weary of being neglected and treated second class.

    From now on, if he contacts me, I am not going to work Rori’s tools. I am going to say instead mono syllablesโ€ฆ.yes, ok, fine, thanks, and give him little. I don’t want to be with a man who neglects me and treats me second class. My heart feels like a painful void, like a cold barrel of ashes that has no life, no warmth.

    If Ryan contacts me, I will be in a rush and have little to say. I am no longer going to be the invitation. It’s time to move on with my life. If Ryan contacts me, I will act indifferent and bland, and I will walk away quickly.

    I am going to focus instead on getting my life together. It’s time to lose weight in a serious way so I can wear a size 12 to my 30 year class reunion in July 2011. I am going to eat fruit, juice, and protein powder from now on. I am going to lose 23 lbs a month and by July, I will be 150 lbs and in a size 12.



  203.  #203Siena on November 25, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    I have this ex boyfriend who calls me every few months. I swear he does it whenever the latest “relationship” of his doesn’t work out, and I’ll bet $100 that I’m on a list of women he calls randomly, to see who he can drum up.

    He just called and texted, wanting to chat with me. Nope!

    I felt so hurt when we ended a couple of years ago. Now I just feel amused. Haha – nope!!



  204.  #204Siena on November 25, 2010 at 9:07 pm

    Brenda, hugs girl!!



  205.  #205Brenda on November 25, 2010 at 9:22 pm

    I’m also a nun. The anorexic nun. Watch.

    I hope when Ryan finally gets around to looking me up, I am looking slinky in a size 12 wearing short shorts to show off my muscular legs. And I will look past him and flash a huge grin at my new husband.



  206.  #206Brenda on November 25, 2010 at 9:30 pm

    I know, I know, the woman protesteth too much…

    Yes, I am still in love with Ryan. But I have got to break out of this insanity and that means letting Ryan off my horse. See ya. ๐Ÿ™



  207.  #207Daria on November 25, 2010 at 9:30 pm

    I am having am ‘issue’

    There’s this guy I think is cute, and the day I first met him I needed 3 bucks and he gave it to me, which was a big deal to me cuz my dude getright man was there – we were being ‘friend’s’ – and he didn’t.

    I saw this cute guy the other nite at a party and he said a big hello and happily pulled me to dance.

    The thing is, I panicked because my ride had left me and I kinda brushed him off.

    I saw him again and made eyecontsct, but he didn’t approach, I felt sooo disappointed and oh nooo

    I keep thinking about him.., and that look in his eyes the second time.,,

    My urge is strong to call him ( we ve never really talk on the
    phone ). And explain to him that I didn’t mean to brush him off, that I was upset about something and Actually felt really flattered and happy that he asked me to dance…

    What’s going on? Ideas?

    I Keep thinking about him and how happy he looked the first time seeing me and how he looked the second time..,

    I feel so sad weird and am having difficulty w thus feeling and image and thoughts of him..,

    Help



  208.  #208Siena on November 25, 2010 at 9:36 pm

    Today I feel grateful for “unanswered prayers.” I’m serious. I read my old college boyfriend’s FB page, and laughed. He’s crazy! In a weird religious sect and posting nonsense all the time. Oh how I cried for him when we broke up! (and OMG how my mom cried!!!)

    Now I feel relieved, tremendously blessed, and like I dodged a bullet there (and with a few more “boyfriends” I had too).

    So, yup! Today’s prayer of gratitude from me is in thanksgiving that I didn’t get what I thought I wanted/needed with these men. I TOTALLY see the wisdom there now.

    Yay!



  209.  #209The Nikita Show on November 25, 2010 at 9:37 pm

    Slv,

    the scarf became a watch blanket – / jewelry bed ๐Ÿ™‚
    it sleeps on the nightstand and cushions the jewels, watches,etc.



  210.  #210Siena on November 25, 2010 at 9:40 pm

    Daria, how would it feel to text him (or call) and say something like, “I’m feeling weird, bc I can’t get over the feeling that I brushed you off without meaning to.”

    Basically, you cant do the wrong thing here – you’re a diva. If he gets it and responds well, that’s wonderful! If he doesn’t get it and responds badly, that’s wonderful too (bc u don’t want that)

    U can’t lose. What would feel good to do?



  211.  #211The Nikita Show on November 25, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    Daria,

    Happy thxgiving ๐Ÿ™‚

    Can u start there?



  212.  #212Brenda on November 25, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    Daria,

    Go for it!



  213.  #213The Nikita Show on November 25, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    Yeah,

    What Siena said ๐Ÿ˜‰



  214.  #214The Nikita Show on November 25, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    Omg,

    I just saw the commercial for Jilted, a tv show about gf’s proposing to their bf’s!!
    Bcuz they CAN’t wait.

    Wha?

    Intervention!!!!!!



  215.  #215Siena on November 25, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    Nikita, lol! Ridiculous!



  216.  #216The Nikita Show on November 25, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    I heard Yerba Mate helps weight loss-
    it has kept me from craving cakes and cookies.
    I just eat the meal and I feel satisfied….

    ๐Ÿ™ but I also read some not so good things-

    But ๐Ÿ™‚ Dorothea loves it and I feel ecstatic to have gone 2 days with NO coffee and NO withdrawals!
    I ran two blocks! Lol- with the dog – then I sat on a bench ๐Ÿ™‚

    But I felt inspired and I blame the mate drink !

    FYI ๐Ÿ˜‰



  217.  #217Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 10:12 pm

    @197: Brenda says:

    “Hi, my name is Brenda, and Iโ€™m new on here. ”

    Can it be…? The incredible shrinking Brenda… ๐Ÿ˜€

    I can barely see you… that is a very tiny pic.

    SLV



  218.  #218Brenda on November 25, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    SLV,

    Hi! No, I’m half playing, with the photo anyway. I put my face in “face in hole dot com”. It’s an anorexic photo. But I will be a healthy size 12 by next July, because I’m sick of being overweight, and I’m sick of missing Ryan.

    So I’m drastically changing my life. And I’m detaching from Ryan.



  219.  #219Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    @Brenda

    “…I am going to lose 23 lbs a month and by July, I will be 150 lbs and in a size 12…”

    Ten pounds a month would be very cool… too. And five pounds months isn’t bad. ๐Ÿ˜€

    SLV



  220.  #220Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    203: Siena says:
    ” I TOTALLY see the wisdom there now. ”
    Yay!”

    …otherwise known as having a “What the Hell was I thinking?” moment. We all have those and thank our lucky stars or whatever force nudged us in a different direction… ๐Ÿ˜€

    SLV



  221.  #221Senior Lady Vibe on November 25, 2010 at 10:26 pm

    @204: The Nikita Show says:
    “Slv,
    the scarf became a watch blanket โ€“ / jewelry bed
    it sleeps on the nightstand and cushions the jewels, watches,etc.”

    It’s inspiring to see a project something hand made. They are a good way to jump start other projects too. I’m looking for a good jump start; I think that head wrap thingy could be a good one.

    I’ll look for link and post tomorrow… do you wanna knit? I think SS was knitting…not sure…somebody on the blog…

    SLV



  222.  #222Kristine on November 25, 2010 at 10:34 pm

    OVERTHINKING SIRENS!!!!! Listen I am no expert but through what I have learned agrees with Rori, You have to love yourself and your life and those men that are worthy of your attention and you connect with give it a shot but if they are not sure about what they want in life or there is one thing on your red flag list that you know in your heart you cannot have in your life as i know it hurts put them on your horse and ride out because the man you thought was perfect for you just might not be…and one day a man will except you all of you and your so called baggage and love all of your imperfections…You will know ๐Ÿ™‚ Happy Holidays…



  223.  #223Daria on November 25, 2010 at 10:36 pm

    Hi ladies… thank you!

    i actually attempted to call his number but his phone was off and voicemail not activated (possibly hes not even at that number anymore)

    but HEY

    crazy, i READ MY POST

    and suddenly saw it in a diff light

    hes just like any other guy, when i read my post

    its no longer a special circumstance

    whew *wipes forhead

    thank goodness for writing on the blog



  224.  #224Rosa on November 25, 2010 at 11:31 pm

    Since I have been unwell , my first ever boyfriend has come back into my life as a CD. he is in the process of to’ing and fro’ing with his fiance of 12 years ..(yes that was TWELVE YEARS..she wont marry him.)

    He started talking about being too fearful to look for a new relationship so i introduced the concept of CDing to him. I have explained that I am not personally looking for a boyfriend , and has he considered not looking for a GF either?

    His immediate response was that he had tried an open relationship in the past and it was a disaster.

    Can any Sirens suggest brief clear ways of explaining the difference? Especially given the male focus on sex and things physical!

    BTW , I like this hospital , they serve a tiny wine bottle with dinner ..only 2 more days till home, i am doing gate leave currently but I am a bit much work for my 2 boys to look after just yet..uuugh.



  225.  #225Rosa on November 25, 2010 at 11:33 pm

    I am also wondering have any Sirens successfully translated the concept of no closure/no resolution/just ride on to any men friends???

    This is his main burden just now, he wants closure.
    How do I put it in boy talk?



  226.  #226Rosa on November 25, 2010 at 11:37 pm

    This is what I emailed already

    “In fact for myself, I dont intend to be a girlfriend again. Ever.

    “I do intend to date (and have been ) , widely ( and be conservative about sex ) but I am actually looking for a man who would be a great life partner for the long haul. I dont want a boyfriend or a fiance , the full enchilada only , otherwise I am dating!!! Doesnt mean no sex , just not with all of them:)

    So you see there are many different ways to look at this. Maybe she and you should date around and open up your options. “



  227.  #227Daria on November 25, 2010 at 11:39 pm

    Rosa – according to Rori, it’s convenient for many men to have a gf indefinitely…

    I would say be single and don’t pursue a woman for exclusivity unless u think she’s the one you really want to be with forever

    hmmm…

    I don’t know… what to say…

    maybe make the changes she wants so that she Will marry you

    lol



  228.  #228Rosa on November 25, 2010 at 11:41 pm

    Hey Daria ,

    Well caught!



  229.  #229Daria on November 25, 2010 at 11:41 pm

    Rosa – if he is YOUR CD clearly he is ALREADY CD’ing

    men tend to do that… what they want

    and GIVING HIM dating ADVICE as a counselor is a big romantic nono



  230.  #230Rosa on November 25, 2010 at 11:43 pm

    This is to Renee if you are around Renee.

    Thank you for your ongoing support.

    Renee I wondered how the new antidepressant is going and I hope you are OK there ! I was thinking of you and wanted to send encouragement .

    I am hitting the Vit D and omegas just now to try and avert a relapse after surgery. I will start swimming as soon as I am allowed.



  231.  #231Rosa on November 25, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    Daria,
    He is very girl energy and I am not attracted.
    he screams “needy” at me. He is a CD in as much as practice only .

    Her asks for my opinion , so you say i shouldnt give this back even as a friend?



  232.  #232Rosa on November 25, 2010 at 11:48 pm

    “be single and donโ€™t pursue a woman for exclusivity unless u think sheโ€™s the one you really want to be with forever” I think is FABULOUS advice to give !!!



  233.  #233Meemee on November 25, 2010 at 11:53 pm

    Sirens
    I am at office now and I am feeling fine today. It feels slightly weird and tired after yesterday’s episode and backsliding. But this morning I woke up, gained courage, gave myself a nice pat and started to office. On my way I stopped and had breakfast at a restaurant. I sat there alone, eating and writing my feelings in my journal.
    I decided I will not be too harsh on myself next time I do a mistake.
    It felt good to sit there and eat and write.
    I wrote all my feelings. Feelings of fear and anger and hurt and love.
    And I told myself no matter what I feel, I so tremendously accept myself.
    And I will not let anyone invalidate my feelings nor will I believe anyone if they say my I feel things wrong.
    My feelings are my feelings and I love them.
    Meemee



  234.  #234Rosa on November 25, 2010 at 11:56 pm

    I am imagining saying those words of Daria’s to the man I love who is currently on the back of my horse, ie tell him to keep on dating unless he wants to be with me forever.

    Uuuugh that feels so iccky yukko to think of saying that to him …telling him to keep on looking for someone else..uuugh i am triggered .

    I think a wonderful triggering tool for me would be to imagine saying those words to any new CD I meet , especially if he interests me….!!!



  235.  #235Lorelei on November 26, 2010 at 12:08 am

    HI Rosa

    I’ve been following along with your story, and am sending you every best wish for the post-op stage. I love how you’ve been using feeling messages and loving your body and your feelings through the process (and I have watched friends and family go through similar, and know a little about the sickening indignities of it all).

    Delighted to hear that the hospital gives you wine as well – every little helps! Keep going, dear Siren.

    On closure – I dont know, I haven’t got to this bit yet. I’m only at the starting to date again bit! It must be different for men. What I gather from the programmes is that men just do what they want in the moment, far more than women do.

    If he is lingering with his fiance, maybe it’s because it suits him to have no commitment to one woman (it may suit his inner belief about himself, e.g. does he see himself as a bit of a stud?) If he is lingering also with you, that may suit his inner belief about himself (e.g. I am a caring ex-boyfriend (and popular with lots of ladies” I am in touch for my ex-woman when she is ill, etc).

    I have also wondered, feeling a bit irreverant, whether going on using feeling messages with men who we want out of our lives, sometimes keeps them coming back for more? As if, they won’t step up, but they kind of get off a bit at the juicy-Siren-feeling-fountain. I’m willing to be shouted down here by anyone who disagrees with me, but some men (toxic weak, needy men? insecure men?) might mistake the continuing feeling messages as a sign that they are still in with a chance (“she’s still talking to me” etc). They might not even hear the words really, just the sound of a woman who’s still prepared to talk to them . . . I’m just feeling curious about this . .

    But, um, why are you concerned to help him with this and get closure with another woman? It feels a bit like hard work for a Siren, especially for a post-operative Siren. Look after yourself . . “keep the focus on me”!!!!

    Best wishes again.



  236.  #236Lorelei on November 26, 2010 at 12:11 am

    Meemee – 228 – this is great – love all your feelings. I talk to my feelings, and write in my journal to my feelings, and tell them I love and accept them. All of them, even the scary, draggy ones. Even the lovely ones. I have to go offline now, but have a good day.



  237.  #237uchenna umunna on November 26, 2010 at 12:17 am

    am i so happy today cos i wake up in peace take my bath i look too fresh today,my friend called me yesterday that he will like to see me this morning before everybody will come to work but the funny thing is i came later because of hold up so we can see again because of people around us.we can talk to each will people may see us only on phone,i tried of this friendship can i quit. i wish everybody well today…………



  238.  #238Daria on November 26, 2010 at 12:23 am

    Rosa – VOTE FOR YOU!!!

    Don’t ever tell a man to find someone else or push him away from you!! I have “caught myself” more than a few times about to do that

    but no, no matter how much I think “it’s not gonna workout”

    that’s not for me to say

    im just gonna respect his decision to pursue me, AND receive all the attention he gives me with out owing him anything, because I deserve that, and my receiving is MUCH MORE A BLESSING to him than my advice is



  239.  #239Daria on November 26, 2010 at 12:25 am

    Lorelei – FEELING MESSAGES ARE FIRST AND FOREMOST FOR US!!!

    they are always appropriate

    sometimes they are

    i don’t want to talk to you

    another option is “no answer” always an option as a step back for a woman



  240.  #240Rosa on November 26, 2010 at 12:26 am

    Sorry Lorelei,

    i wasnt clear. CD-1 is 5 year unavailable G-man on back of horse , cries crocodile tears but doesnt step up , he had my heart till Rori showed me how to prise it free. he is hanging around again now Im ill and wants to come to care for me shortly (and I need help:) What you said about the man thoughts i think really applies to him.He is doing a White Knight number so HE feels good.

    Number 2 CD is M-man – first BF when I was 15 – trying to “cry on my shoulder” about his relationship meltdown. I am not romantically interested ..he has too much girl energy but I am learning how to deal with out girling him I guess. meanwhile I suspect he sees me as an available woman he already knows well and maybe as a safety net??? So i need to outgirl him.

    Daria was right , i should not be giving advice TO him. I need to practice out girling .

    Thank you for your kindness. I really feel great about my cure , and yes, its complete cure with a new amazing UNSCARRED breast and a new amazing tummy tuck AND no other treatment required . I am on a high with being blessed to have a disease that has screamed STOP at me..!!!!!! Reassess and redo EVERYTHING …hence me coming on this blog.

    I believe breast cancer is the Woman Pining cancer ..and it starts when we give our hearts away instead of keeping them inside us and open. So I am feeling wonderful about learning to keep my heart for me , and my energy for me and my love for me , AND stay open ..quite challenging.

    I hope your loved ones were as lucky as me and blessings to them and you .



  241.  #241Daria on November 26, 2010 at 12:27 am

    Rosa – say “i feel drained” when you feel drained by somethign he says does

    don’t allow yourself to be drained and a feminine energy man will have no choice but to step up or leave

    i am babystepping with this



  242.  #242Daria on November 26, 2010 at 12:30 am

    Yay Meemee

    Yay Rosa

    yay Uchenna for being happy!



  243.  #243Rosa on November 26, 2010 at 12:35 am

    “and my receiving is MUCH MORE A BLESSING to him than my advice is”

    I need this one on my mirror !
    I am wondering how much this kind of blessing would in fact help M-man to step into his boy energy.

    It certainly feels icckky advising him.
    It feels disappointing..
    it feels like a vacuum between us of empty energy
    It feels like he is weighing me down
    it feels like he is “sucking” my energy …

    OH NO !!! Thats what I was doing , stepping into my work shoes and giving away my energy..
    THANK YOU SIRENS

    So , given that healing me requires balanced energy , how can i outgirl him when he wants to cry on muy shoulder and explain all his woes?



  244.  #244Rosa on November 26, 2010 at 12:45 am

    Riffing practice

    ” I feel drained” (thnx Daria)
    I feel weighed down
    I feel the weight of woes on my shoulders
    My shoulders hurt
    My chest hurts
    My tummy hurts
    My shoulders /chest /tummy feel pinching and tightness and weight
    My shoulders feel so tired and saggy
    and heavy with weighty words and other peoples woes and worries .

    I love my caring heart
    I love my hearts cares
    I love caring for my heart
    My heart loves to spin off all the cares of the weary world and shine clean and bright.

    My heart feels its way gently into the light…….



  245.  #245Meemee on November 26, 2010 at 12:54 am

    I am just feeling so funny about what all X can and will do.
    At office, when I was entering my room after a coffee he was there in the next room talking to his 3 girlfriends. Then when he saw me he announced loudly “Lemme go and show this to Mee”. It was not addressed to me and I did not pay attention. Then after a minute one of his girlfriend came to my room and said “X is coming to show you something- I just came to warn” and left.
    Then he came to my room and fortunately the person who shares my office was there and he went back.
    Then after food when I was making coffee he came to me and said “Hey, come to my room, I want to show you something”.
    I asked “Anything work related?”
    He said “No. But I want to show you something”.
    I made coffee and yet another of his girlfriend caught me and asked me how my work is going and lah blah. As I was talking to her he came to me with a certificate and showed it to me and said “See, this is my Master’s certificate”
    I did not say anything.
    He asked “Mee, does not this interest you that I have a Master’s certificate?”
    I asked “Did not we all get it the day we finished our masters. I mean 4 years back?”
    His girlfriend started laughing.
    But he repeated with a childlike expression: “But I have a master’s certificate Mee. I have a Master’s certificate which I got from the university just now”.
    I said “That is good. But I thought we are here on a PhD because we have our masters and cant see what is interesting about it” and left.
    I could hear his girlfriend laughing. I did not care and I did not turn back.
    ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚
    Well. A Master’s certificate. Seriously??!!!!
    Meemee



  246.  #246Daria on November 26, 2010 at 12:58 am

    Rosa – as bad as it feels to you when he’s in girl and you’re in boy…

    it feels bad to him too!! he doesn’t feel like a MAN!!

    so the greatest gift is a woman who is so powerfully feminine that she DRAWS energy to her, even from an insecure in himself man… she DRAWS the man out of him!

    because he is not able to do it himself at that time, he is WOUNDED in that place…

    and she helps him DRAW OUT HIS MAN and heal!

    that is an Unparalleled Gift.

    This is done by being unflinchingly in feminine, and unflinchingly honest

    that feels bad… i don’t want to hear about another relationship

    i feel drained… i feel icky… i don’t feel good with this

    i feel good to have your attention…

    i feel frustrated when a man doesn’t take the lead (i just used that today!)

    i feel turned off

    i feel angry

    i feel irritated and i don’t want to feel this way, i want to feel protected and cared for with a man

    etc etc

    this requires NOT BABYING HIM (which is really giving in to our fear that he will reject us or abandon us or attack us if we are honest with him)



  247.  #247Rosa on November 26, 2010 at 1:13 am

    Yeah Daria ,

    ” I feel frustrated when a man doesnt take the lead”
    Aint that the truth ..

    Now Mouth , listen up Rosey Rosa’s mouth ..SPEAK THESE WORDS out loud now ,

    ” I feel frustrated when you arent taking the lead”

    ” I feel tired out hearing those things”

    ” It would feel great to hear that you have sorted it all out , what do you think?”

    And to my Mum
    ” i feel drained to hear your anxious words.

    I feel exhausted by other peoples fears and concerns. I feel my energy draining. I dont want any negative thinking or concerns in my space just now””



  248.  #248Brenda on November 26, 2010 at 1:22 am

    My new attitude with Ryan:

    NONCHALANT



  249.  #249Rosa on November 26, 2010 at 1:24 am

    I am rocking my little baby self ..

    I am no longer babying any other baby but the baby me in my arms right here and now..

    I am rocking this lovely baby me …and it feels so lovely to be rocking myself ..

    Man Babies are no longer visible on my radar – I am so busy rocking this sweet baby girl..



  250.  #250Rosa on November 26, 2010 at 1:28 am

    Brenda ,

    How is NONCHALANCE feeling ?



  251.  #251Daria on November 26, 2010 at 1:31 am

    I just took my own advice and texted a man… ” I don’t like getting messages saying just ok. That feels weird”

    He texts ok at various times when I don’t keep the convo going.

    I feel weird… Ok what?

    Nope

    Dear divine masculine… I don’t like this … Your baby, oshun



  252.  #252Rosa on November 26, 2010 at 1:36 am

    Ok feels like a head nod



  253.  #253Daria on November 26, 2010 at 2:38 am

    Rosa – really? That’s better…

    To me it seemed like a passive aggressive..,

    Ok ur not gona say anything??????



  254.  #254Daria on November 26, 2010 at 2:54 am

    Wow I just did the coolest thing… I had a headache and I touched that place…

    I felt it..

    And in all honesty I told the energy thank you. And that it Feels bad… And I don’t want to push it away… What does it think?

    And I waited openly for it to answer… I sighed and that place relaxed and I am like not Hurting there anymore.



  255.  #255Rosa on November 26, 2010 at 3:40 am

    Thats cool Daria!
    Magic woman touch ..

    I just outgirled CD-2 M-man on fb

    AND I saw a BRILLIANT energy exchange situation unfolding right then . Sorry its a bit long.

    When he started to talk about his “fiance” situation and how she was a single mother with kids to raise and a mortgage and abandonment issues I offered no advice (hello ?? ) He was describing classic overfunctioning a la Rori. It was amazing to see him writing about her overwhelmed with doing everything and how the relationship was just too much more to do and it weighed her down..the classic signs of being in the masculine and all the over thinking she had done etc..straight out of Rori’s teachings . And his response was obviously to go into his feminine energy and try and “feel” her feelings and “understand” her ‘abandonment issues”.

    He then rattled on about raising a lot of money for an OS holiday for an office colleague after breast cancer . She has 2 kids and a loving partner. i did not have the courage to say ” STOP , it feels horrible to hear this story . i feel totally alone and I feel angry that no one wants to raise money for ME and MY kids..and I have no partner to help”

    I wanted it to stop.I did not want to hear about his problems and her problems . I did not want to hear about him feeling good for raising money for someone else and NOT EVEN UNDERSTAND how insensitive that was.

    I said ” I feel drained” i told him i felt low in energy as all my family keep waiting for my energy to come back and my “doing”to start up and I was ALL DONE. I said I felt very alone without a shoulder to lean on and everyone close to me was unsettled because suddenly I was not propping them up and how uncomfortable I felt.

    He got it straight away ..he even said he didnt want “give” me any of his problems and he stopped talking about her.

    Next thing he is wanting to “give” to me ( a bottle of expensive French champers in celebration of my treatment) ..I had to catch myself , as Rori calls it, and NOT say ..”no , share it with your fiance, not me , its too special!” . Instead I imagined the waterwheel..

    I said “French champers..woohoo”

    It was dead easy to change into the feminine and have him begging to bring me gifts ..

    Next time I will express the anger too..

    “I feel angry hearing that story about another woman who was taken care of by her colleagues and her loving partner.
    I feel unloved .
    I feel alone and I feel great sadness that i have no partner to go on vacation with.”

    I have such a long way to go with feeling messages and the energy exchange , but this was a great improvement for me.



  256.  #256Rosa on November 26, 2010 at 3:45 am

    And Daria I am trying out your method on the pain
    on my chest wall under my left arm …right now.



  257.  #257Mai on November 26, 2010 at 4:56 am

    i love this post rori. thank you.

    1. im thankful that its my 25th birthday today
    2. thankful for this blog and all the beautiful sirens on it
    3. thankful for feeling a sense of calm after reading this post.

    will read the comments now
    xxx



  258.  #258marina on November 26, 2010 at 5:01 am

    Hi Daria and Rosa,
    Ooooh, this clicked with me so much!
    I usually feel drained and overwhelmed when people start to tell me all their problems and just keep on going and I just don’t know what to do or say.

    I have this thought that they probably should get it off their chest and I should let them to do so… But I feel so frustrated and drained and the conversation doesn’t really go anywhere. Afterwards I feel so terrible.

    Like I should have cheered them up with a joke or something or that I should have shared my problems too so we would have bonded.
    Or just let them know how their stories make me feel.

    Sometimes I try to give them advice, but I guess people will only pick up on your advice if they are open for it.

    Does this mean I can just say what I feel, that I feel drained by the conversation and don’t like to feel that way? That I don’t have the energy to give to them?

    It feels like listening is giving (attention) as well?

    Hmmmmm…my worldview is shifting…



  259.  #259marina on November 26, 2010 at 5:13 am

    ‘I feel drained right now. I don’t like to feel drained. I like to feel happy and full of energy. I would like for us to talk about something else, what do you think?’

    Oh, this is so new to me! I usually let it get so far that I just want to get up and scream, or just want to get up and leave, run away from what or who is draining me…

    I am just wondering, don’t I offend someone by saying this??



  260.  #260Senior Lady Vibe on November 26, 2010 at 6:13 am

    @229 Rosa says:

    “Uuuugh that feels so iccky yukko to think of saying that to him โ€ฆtelling him to keep on looking for someone else..uuugh i am triggered .”

    Hmmm, I’m thinking about that. Would I want to do that? I don’t think I would; maybe I’ll change my mind but I feel triggered too for now. I thought it’s cool for us to know what we want to do: CD and only be concerned with ourselves.

    Couldn’t we just do our CD and let the guys figure out what thet want to do? That feels more comfortable to me Rosa, what about you?

    Are you sure telling the guy what to do is part of it?

    You tiny bottle of wine sounds fab.

    SLV



  261.  #261marina on November 26, 2010 at 6:41 am

    Hi Rori,

    I just purchased your ebook as a present to me, OMG I feel so excited ๐Ÿ™‚

    Ciao,
    Marina



  262.  #262marina on November 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    I feel so confused by this male feminine energy thing.

    I can see clearly that I have been overfunctioning, leaning forward, taking the lead, using male energy so much with BF4.
    He is leaning backwards soooo much, and still trying to step back into his male energy, but I just hardly ever let him.
    I feel I have turned into a total control freak and we end up saying and doing the same things over and over…
    I feel I start to see the dynamics that are going on.

    A simple example? He texted me “I wanna kiss you so bad”
    LOL, you know what I texted:
    ‘I wanna kiss you too’
    Let’s see what happens if I text:
    ‘That would feel so good’
    Or,
    ‘I feel I want you to kiss me’
    or
    ‘I would feel very loved and happy to receive your kisses’
    or “come here and give them to me tiger, haha’

    Oh and what is mentioned about the team, this is so important. I remeber he likes to joke that it is us against the world, or at least joking what team I’m on if I disagree with him on something.

    He is always, let’s see how we can solve this…Uhm, last time I was so pissed I said, ‘whatever, you solve it tomorrow’ ….:#



  263.  #263Renee on November 26, 2010 at 7:46 am

    New post.



  264.  #264Brenda on November 26, 2010 at 11:30 am

    Rosa,

    RE: #245 – Nonchalance feels healthy and safe! Lucy told me “I think the be the invitation only works with masculine energy men.” I think she is right. Ryan has very high feminine energy. Ryan needs to win me. I have put way too much energy into winning him, despite my best efforts.

    All through our relationship, when he sees me in love with him, he tries less and strings me along, like a cat toying with a mouse between his paws.

    This way, I am protecting my heart. If he steps up, terrific! If he doesn’t, I am right where I need to be: on my bridge doing my POP towards my happy ever after.



  265.  #265Brenda on November 26, 2010 at 11:34 am

    Mai,

    Happy Birthday!



  266.  #266Plum on November 26, 2010 at 11:38 am

    Mai 252

    Happy Birthday ๐Ÿ™‚



  267.  #267Katnina on November 26, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    Aaaaaaaahhhhh! I am freaking out!!! Second date with one of my CD’s tonight, I feel weird, he wants to meet me at the fountain at Lincoln center at 6 then dinner reservation at 6:30 somewhere, I feel weeeeiiirrrd, I ain’t Cher dude! And he certainly ain’t nick cage… F-ck what do I wear? Ok jeans. Definitely jeans.
    If this were mr fireman’s plan I would be sooo incredibly happy, but it’s not and I feel weird and kind of ice … Hmmm. Ok must shower.



  268.  #268Daria on November 26, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    Rosa – French champers Woohoo.

    I feel so warm and happy reading this



  269.  #269Daria on November 26, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    Mai – happy birthday Goddess!



  270.  #270Daria on November 26, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    Katnina – yay for nervousness… Sounds like a romantic time



  271.  #271Invisible Ink Decoder on November 27, 2010 at 3:27 am

    test



  272.  #272Denise on December 1, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    Greetings sirens.
    Been so busy and grateful for the following:

    1. A wonderful Thanksgiving filled with a bounty of a feast that my family and BF enjoyed as much as I did. My cooking and fussing is integral to my domestic abilities , which I like to joke about after everything else I do! It is my favorite holiday due to family tradition regardless of anyone’s religion. Pilgrims have been part of my upbringing!
    2. A fab birthday celebration which has been going on for days. My friends have been truly special to me.
    3. Dad seems to be healing from his illness and has been home sick for two weeks. It’s been an ordeal.

    Hope you all are doing well, enjoyed the big bird day and are on to the next big celebration. For me, tonight’s the first night of Hannukah, the festival of light.
    May there be light for you all. *

    Advocating joy, Den