Glastonbury And Magic

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What would it be like to have all the time in the world?

What if you could move so slowly that you could feel every tiny, minute, infinitesimal speck of movement, every moment of what your body is doing on a deep, internal level as you move?

Try doing this with your eyes… try doing this with your arms and then with your hands… and try doing this with a man.

This is Glastonbury Tor – pure magic.

Can a relationship be magical?

I say yes…because the moment I open up and say something to my man that I’m afraid to say, the energy shifts throughout my whole body.

Relief and Release floods in, and I feel fuller than I felt before.

The relationship changes in that instant.

Magic to me.

And you?

Love, Rori

Posted in

492 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on November 21, 2011 at 7:24 am

    Magi. Love that concept.



  2.  #2Emoticon on November 21, 2011 at 7:27 am

    I love magical feelings. I had one this morning but it generated much sadness within me. I’m not that sad anymore, I just have a headache from crying too hard!



  3.  #3Radiance on November 21, 2011 at 7:38 am

    I have been thinking about magic lately. And whispered incantations. So powerful



  4.  #4Femininewoman on November 21, 2011 at 7:41 am

    The Universe has been sending men bringing love towards me. To me that is magical.



  5.  #5Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2011 at 9:06 am

    @Rori Raye says:
    “…Magic to me.
    And you?…”

    Yes, Rori, I’m experiencing magic too. I believe 2012 is going to be a magic year for me and I think it’s already starting.

    Three days ago, on this past Friday night I manifested $25. I didn’t ask for it; it just appeared next to me in three bills and not all at once. Since then I’ve been thinking there is something significant about how the bills showed up and how they looked.

    The first was a very crisp new ten, accordion folded into an inch width. Then the next two bills appeared together, a five and a ten, very wrinkled and very old, almost as soft as tissue paper but still spendable!

    I planned to use this week to explore and decide something special to do with the money to increase the magic. But I didn’t have to plan anything as the answers have presented themselves and I have accepted. I know this seems very, very strange, incredible… and I feel a little nervous to write this. It’s odd; but it feels magical to me.

    SLV



  6.  #6Emerson on November 21, 2011 at 9:07 am

    I feel all hehehe excited…it’s magical that so many guys are online that I feel interested in meeting…I’ve been so aaacckkk about most of them lately…
    But I found a few that look cute and cool!



  7.  #7Emerson on November 21, 2011 at 9:08 am

    SLV
    That *is* magical!!!!!
    😀



  8.  #8Emerson on November 21, 2011 at 9:10 am

    I’m debating whether to join another dating site and make myself a NEW age…he he a couple years younger ….hmm that is magical!



  9.  #9Femininewoman on November 21, 2011 at 9:11 am

    Had to share this:-

    Once upon a time, a serpent chased a firefly.
    The latter fled rapidly, afraid of the ferocious redator, but the serpent didn’t even think about giving up.

    The firefly fled one day and the serpent didn’t give up; two days, and nothing…

    On the third day, now clearly weakened, the firefly stopped and asked the serpent:

    • Can I ask you three questions?
    • I don’t usually proceed this way with anyone, but since I’m going to devour you anyway, you may ask…
    • Am I part of your food chain?
    • No.
    • Did I harm you in any way?
    • No.
    • So then, why do you want to finish me off?
    • Because I can’t stand to see you shine…

    Many times, we don’t understand the reason for persecution, anger, lies, slander, why they make up stories about us, etc.

    But here is one of the reasons:

    They simply can’t stand to see us shine!



  10.  #10lk on November 21, 2011 at 9:17 am

    & another thing about jX that really made me LOL & also kind of made me want to kick him in the shins… so we’re chatting… he has told me more about the shaman plans, telling me about ceremonies, etc…. & he’s like so what are you doing? I’m like, yeah, writing & working & i guess i’d love to have some animals & some farmland someday… & he goes, “farming? that’s a hard life, that’s hard work, you really want to be a farmer?”

    um….dude. you just said you want to be a SHAMAN & you’re telling me my dreams are unrealistic?? right…



  11.  #11Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 9:21 am

    Friday it’s my office’s Christmas Party. Wondering if I should ask E to come with me. I know this would be leaning foward, but I’ve been working very hard in the last week and he is showing interest. And it’s not lile if I can wait for him to call me and invite me to my own Christmas Party. This ain’t happen! Lol. So should I or its too much leaning foward and too much showing him off to my collegues?

    And on the other hand, my collegues all know P. Some of them talk to him often. Is there a risk that they have bad interpretation if they see me with E? I know the one with bad intentions may go tell him I have a new boyfriend and everythig. Even thought it’s not that at all, Is that a bad or a good thing that he hears things like that about me?

    So Sirens I need your help! Should I invite E to me party? And if so, do you have any suggestion for a script for inviting him?

    Once again, thank you for your help and support, I’m learning so much from you!!

    xoxo



  12.  #12Femininewoman on November 21, 2011 at 9:28 am

    What is it that a man, and probably a man like Ashton Kutcher, wants even more than sex? The one thing that will keep him coming back to you, again and again, and never want to stray or have an affair? Call it adoration or admiration. Ashton and Demi both work in the same profession. Ashton is younger, less experienced and less accomplished than Demi in the realm of movie acting. A man’s identity – his SEXUAL identity – is tied to his career to a greater extent than a woman’s career. This is a fundamental difference between masculinity and femininity.

    I surmise that Ashton might not have received the adoration that he craved specifically for his career from his wife. They are great friends, of course. It’s wonderful. But a man craves recognition and adoration for his exploits outside of the relationship and outside of the bedroom. It feeds his passion for life. He feels vital and more ALIVE. If he’s not receiving this one quality in his relationship – which is wholly different from friendship – he might respond sexually to another woman who displays this singular kind of admiration.

    http://www.womenshappiness.com/blog/the-lesson-of-demi-and-ashton-dont-marry-your-friend?utm_source=getresponse&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=womenshappiness&utm_content=The+Lesson+of+Demi+and+Ashton%3A+Don%27t+Marry+Your+Friend



  13.  #13Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 9:28 am

    Ik

    Re 10

    Thank you you made me laugh so hard! 🙂

    I think you should be a farmer if you want to! xoxo



  14.  #14lk on November 21, 2011 at 9:31 am

    @FW 9

    LOL fully explains the feeling i had about my post in 10 haha..

    & goodmorning : )



  15.  #15Femininewoman on November 21, 2011 at 9:33 am

    Glad it resonated with you lk.



  16.  #16lk on November 21, 2011 at 9:37 am

    LOL too that jX’s animal is a black panther (black/jungle/nocturnal) & i am snow leopard/lynx (white/mtnforest/diurnal) — explains SO MUCH about our interactions, our attraction & our total incompatibility haha… actually i do think he is a bit frightening. remembering the broken windows & the bad eyes…



  17.  #17Senior Lady Vibe on November 21, 2011 at 9:41 am

    @7: Emerson says:
    “SLV
    That *is* magical!!!!!…”

    VERY! I’m excited.

    Yikes! Italics. But they closed at new post. Whew!

    I wrote this earlier then computer froze while typing quote in italics, went out for coffee and the darn thing “submitted” when I woke up hibernation. I’m sitting here watching it submit and can’t continue typing to “close” the italics… arrrggghhhhh I know it’s not magic but glad for present code parameters.

    SLV



  18.  #18lk on November 21, 2011 at 9:45 am

    i feel like CD would be an owl… & i think ht is…. like a polar bear : ) …. are polar bears playful? he can only be a polar bear if polar bears are really really playful…



  19.  #19Emerson on November 21, 2011 at 9:45 am

    Lizka
    re11
    I would not invite him. Go to the party, wear a super cute outfit, do your hair and makeup, and have fun. I would not lean forward and invite him.

    You can share with him about the fun time you had, etc and he will be intrigued.

    But…

    If he asks you out for Friday and you tell him you have plans to go to your work party, and then he shows strong interest that he’d like to go wth you…., then perhaps yes, I’d say ok you can come with me…perhaps……

    but I would not initiate and bring it up…..

    its hard but i’m learning more and more how much more peaceful and fun and fulfilling it is when the guy initiates the time together….



  20.  #20lk on November 21, 2011 at 9:47 am

    oh, yes they are very playful : )



  21.  #21lk on November 21, 2011 at 9:53 am

    @Lizka – i fully back Emerson on 19



  22.  #22Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 9:57 am

    Emerson

    “If he asks you out for Friday and you tell him you have plans to go to your work party, and then he shows strong interest that he’d like to go wth you…., then perhaps yes, I’d say ok you can come with me…perhaps……”

    It’s an amazing advise, I will definitly follow it. And for my hair, make up and dress, don’t worry, I’ll be the prettiest of the whole company! 🙂

    And maybe I will meet some nice and cute men to practice flirting…



  23.  #23lk on November 21, 2011 at 10:00 am

    @Lizka 22

    As the saying goes, “you don’t bring sand to the beach” haha — why take a date if there are going to be eligible men?



  24.  #24Emerson on November 21, 2011 at 10:01 am

    22 Lizka
    🙂



  25.  #25Emerson on November 21, 2011 at 10:06 am

    I realized something painful yesterday…
    That when I was younger my Dad really did like my sister better…he helped her out so much more than me…it taught me to be moer independent and a hard worker, but…it did damage too….

    I think it’s evened out a bit over the years, and he does love us both…
    But for sure he liked her better back then.

    She was “cooler” and prettier and smarter and easygong….decisive, confident in what she wanted to do and her goals….

    I tended to be more stressed out and struggled a bit in school, etc…and I didn’t have the coolness factor about me….I was indecisive, unsure, more sensitive and tearful growing up….

    It’s just a fact and it hurt me so much back then and when I think about it now, it still stings a little.

    I know it follows me around and affects me and how competitive and jealous I get with men in my life and that there is always someone more confident or special than me that deserves more attention or resources.

    YUCK. I really want to heal this and cycle past it.



  26.  #26Emerson on November 21, 2011 at 10:14 am

    I havent heard back from Ocean since his text and missed call over the weekend. I don’t even care. I find it kind of amusing, the whole thing.

    Very interesting and strange how SmoothCD appeared out of nowhere. And CityCD too a couple weeks ago. I wonder who else will show up?

    I saw cute guy at work the other day…we were crossing paths and he literally stopped what he was doing to acknowledge and chat with me for a second. He’s sooo sweet and cute!!! And smiley! I got all shy and smiley too when I was talking to him. Ack I like him….hee hee.

    I have been holed up the past two days resting on my days off. Like literally hiding at home…LOL not leaving the house at all. Kinda nice but now I guess I better get out for a while and see the outdoors. 🙂



  27.  #27Starla on November 21, 2011 at 10:16 am

    lk 10
    I have come into contact with so many of these guys that try to poke holes in my dreams. Even though they’re based on values we share!

    No more. Either you’re my biggest cheerleader for my dreams or go home and don’t call me, I say.

    I can change the world with just my fingertips. I can make your headache vanish with those same fingertips. I am magic. Naysayers kindly excuse yourselves as you’re putting a damper on my magic, thank you!

    When CF told me about his “pipe” dreams, I didn’t treat him like they’re just pipe dreams, because they’re not just pipe dreams to him. They’re the dream of his soul…his very essence.

    You can’t venture to love someone and not love and fully support their wildest dreams.

    Those dreams are who we are!



  28.  #28April Rose on November 21, 2011 at 10:18 am

    I feel lucky to be able to visit Glastonbury Tor several times a year (my brother lives on the next hilltop!)

    Every time I walk up to the top I have an experience of magic. I always meet a stranger who has a message for me. I went up recently when I was pondering my life direction. I heard the sweetest music – it was a woman playing a flute. I felt the melody carrying me along with the clouds. She didn’t speak to me, but her music did.

    I feel excited to be going there again in the New Year.



  29.  #29Tiffany on November 21, 2011 at 10:22 am

    Ooh, magic. I don’t know if I have that particular experience of Magic yet. there is the thought – the idea, the notion – that saying the things that I am afraid to say will be Magical. I guess that has happened sometimes. But not always. Sometimes I say the thing that I am afraid to say, and it falls flat and nothing happens, magical or otherwise.

    But I know that *I* am magic. I am connected to magic all the time, whether I know it or not. And maybe, for someone else, experiencing me in my fullness can be magical, too…



  30.  #30Femininewoman on November 21, 2011 at 10:25 am

    Circumstance does not make you do anything. Circumstance will only reveal you to yourself.

    http://asamanthinkethnewversion.com/AsAManThinkethNewVersion1.pdf



  31.  #31lk on November 21, 2011 at 10:45 am

    Wow, just got this from Alicia Power…. haha, it’s EXACTLY what I was already doing today : )

    ” INTUITIVE MIND TOOL

    1. Close your eyes and imagine your man
    standing in front of you.

    2. Immediately PRETEND you can “see’ all around
    him – the space around him.

    3. Next, I want you to IMAGINE what type of
    SPIRIT BEINGS are standing around him.

    4. Go right ahead – PRETEND YOU KNOW EXACTLY.

    5. Now, what you “see’ may shock you because
    your first impressions might be scary! Don’t try
    and understand them – just observe. Be honest with
    what you saw.

    6. TRUST your FIRST IMPRESSIONS like gold.

    7. I also suggest you write down what your
    first impressions were – or you can DRAW what you
    saw.

    By writing down your impressions you will
    realize what you saw might have been more real
    than you thought.”



  32.  #32April Rose on November 21, 2011 at 10:45 am

    I’m starting to see men as magical beings.

    The less I expect and ‘need’ from them, the more they come forth and surprise me.



  33.  #33Tiffany on November 21, 2011 at 10:46 am

    speaking of Magic, I am wondering if I could get some feedback on my situation…

    I posted a lot last weekend about H. I had a lot to say and a lot going through my mind. But right now I want to know if it looks at all from the outside like it looks (or feels) to me from the inside.

    H is the man I met on the beach, a couple of months ago. We had a “whirlwind” experience that lasted approximately five days, and ended badly, tensely, dramatically, and not at all pleasantly (for either of us).

    Since that time, I hadn’t heard from him, thought I’d think of him occasionally. Last week, two different people asked me about him, and I just said that I probably wouldn’t hear from him (but I didn’t quite believe it when I said it). Then I had a dream about him.

    Turned out, he had a dream about me, too, and decided to contact me.

    The problem with H is this: He turns me on like no man has ever turned me on. He is attracted to me like no man I can ever think of. It is powerful and it is frightening. It messes with my head. I think, partly, the problem is the whole fear and excitement mixing together, not being able to be sure, on a physiological level, which is which. Maybe I am just feeling excited, and my body interprets it as fear? and then I have an adverse reaction that confuses me, confuses him….

    But then there is the way he talks to me. Hedging his words. Avoiding my questions. Asking me questions about topics that are irrelevant and distracting. It feels annoying. It feels manipulative. It feels evasive. It feels like gaslighting, like disorientation, like control. Like possibly a little bit of “outgirling” but that the purpose of it is to control me – to get me to give up the information so he doesn’t have to.

    And then, even though he is so attracted to me, it feels like withholding. It feels like more control, the fact that he won’t give to me, sexually (in the name of wanting something “more.” But how do I know – if we were in a relationship, or even married, that he wouldn’t withhold from me THEN, perhaps even more so, since he would “have” me and if I were to “cheat” on him, it would be worse and it would be “my fault”?)

    I smell control with this man, so much. I feel bad feelings, after I am with him. I feel confused and flustered and not listened to when I am with him.

    And yet I feel this STRONG, almost forceful attraction, that is less like attraction, and more like being thrust toward him, whether I like it or not. It is so strange.

    It must be that I am supposed to LEARN something from this. That I am supposed to heal some part of me that he has brought up.

    Just…what am i going to do when he shows up again? What am I going to do when he knocks on my door, and I am thrown back into that vortex of the strong power his body has over mine and mine over his. we both long to succumb to it, and yet, he won’t. And maybe that’s a good thing. Almost certainly, it is. But ever since I saw him in Friday, I have almost completely lost the desire to sleep with anyone else.

    Okay, so what does this look like?

    Does this look like “the danger of a connection,” where I’m a attracted to a bad-boy who triggers me in all the wrong ways, and turns me on like nobody’s business, but treats me horribly?

    Or does it look like a guy who is also struggling with himself, who feels powerfully attracted to me for reasons even he can’t understand or justify, who really doesn’t want to lose me, but doesn’t know what to do to “keep me” and keeps unwittingly making things worse by offending me or stressing me to the point of irritation?

    Does it matter?? lol

    I just want to know what it looks like from the outside. I think that I know what I think about it. And maybe I am just looking for some validation, here. But it’s also kind of a weird sensation of not being totally sure if what I feel and think about this is “right” – as in, accurate to the situation.

    So, feedback might help me keep/put it in perspective…

    Thanks!!!
    (happy Monday! ;))



  34.  #34lk on November 21, 2011 at 10:54 am

    @Tiffany

    can you do the exercise in 31? i think it might help you…



  35.  #35Tiffany on November 21, 2011 at 10:58 am

    Hey, Emerson – re #25

    That must feel really yucky 🙁

    Growing up, I often had the sense that my dad liked my sister better, too. Maybe it wasn’t true that he did, but it always seemed that way. I was prettier and nicer, but she was spunkier, more “interesting.” He connected with her in ways I never could. I was so envious of this, and so I made it my goal to get him to like me and love me as much as her. I’m pretty sure it never worked. He likes me and loves me a lot, and is very proud of me. He’ll tell anyone who asks him. But I’m not my sister. And I never will be.

    I don’t know the answer. I know that it has often made me feel devalued, or like I had to work hard for love – and never really got it.

    Well, thank you for sharing. That made me think… 🙂



  36.  #36Tiffany on November 21, 2011 at 10:59 am

    @34 lk – I saw that post just after I wrote mine.

    Good timing!



  37.  #37lk on November 21, 2011 at 11:02 am

    @Tiffany, from the same email:

    “IS YOUR BOYFRIEND INTENSE?

    If your boyfriend or partner is controlling and
    dominating, you may like to notice the truth of
    his hidden PSYCHIC nature. The spirit worlds that
    surround him may be hurtful and dark. He may be a
    troubled soul who is often aggressive, angry,
    pushy and just full of intense emotion.

    If this is the case, do you want to stay with
    someone who is being controlled himself by angry
    spirit beings?

    Please consider that question deeply.”



  38.  #38Tiffany on November 21, 2011 at 11:10 am

    in other news, I just want to share how happy I am with my other CDs over this past weekend.

    Both of the guys I saw on Saturday were so cute and sweet…they both followed up with texts on Sunday, asking me how my day was. In fact, both their names begin with “K” and at one point, I got them confused! I responded to one, thinking it was the other guy, but it wasn’t. haha. Luckily, what I said was neutral and informative, so it worked out. lol That was a first, though!

    And then I had lovely good-night conversations with each. 🙂

    I like that they use texts, but that they also use the phone to call as well.

    One of them eats meat, the other is a vegetarian. I kind of like the vegetarian, since he is also more religious, and I find that attractive. But as I get to know the other guy, I am finding him very sweet, too… they both make me laugh.

    Okay, I’m just going with it. Enjoying the moment and the attention.

    Looking forward to hopefully having a really good week!



  39.  #39Tiffany on November 21, 2011 at 11:14 am

    @lk #37 – I laughed when I read that question:

    “Is your boyfriend intense”

    Because the answer is YES – VERY Intense! Haha. And he’s not even my boyfriend. But that rang so true, and I would have described him that way regardless. His intensity is probably a BIG part of what turns me on. But yeah…thank you for posting.



  40.  #40Emerson on November 21, 2011 at 11:19 am

    37 lk
    This intensity is what attracts me because I can be a bit intense…
    It’s driven from a place of pain though and that is not a good place, so I’m driven to a person who can match that or “relate”….so to speak…and then we just suck thelife out of each other and it’s not a healthy dynamic



  41.  #41Emerson on November 21, 2011 at 11:21 am

    Tiffany perhaps your draw to H is fear disguised as attraction…it can feel very alluring and intense to feel the rush of danger…

    And sometimes we are attracted to darkness…for some reason when you describe him I feel a darkness around him…



  42.  #42Emerson on November 21, 2011 at 11:25 am

    35 thanks Tiffany for sharing..
    hugs,
    Emerson



  43.  #43Starla on November 21, 2011 at 11:32 am

    lol! Alaska invited me out to lunch today, and I told him I had to eat at my desk because I’m super busy. So his reply?

    “Your loss”

    LOL. I had to tell him…”I feel turned off but amused”

    He tried to fix it but LOL



  44.  #44Butterfly Wings on November 21, 2011 at 11:45 am

    983: Daria (from previous post) – He doesn’t call it anything. It’s not a “relationship”, I’m not his “girlfriend” but I’m more than a friend who sleeps with him. So yeah it’s my term and I’ve used it the entire time we’ve been together to describe what we are, because he’s been unable to come up with another.

    992: Femininewoman (from previous post) – He knows I love him, but I try not to use those words too often…

    1003: Lili 41 (from previous post) – Oh he’s grumbling alright! haha! I’m proud of me too! Thank you! 🙂 I’m just glad I chose to have an early night because I know he would have kept trying to convince me to go see him otherwise…



  45.  #45femmystique on November 21, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    FW – interesting take on the AK/DM situation – I have heard since that they had an open marriage (such as some other Hollywood couples have) and AK strayed beyond the “agreement” for prior approval from DM

    It comes across as sexual control to me – Demi controlling, assertive, masculine: Ashton willing, receptive, feminine.
    Maybe this is what it looks like when men in relationships with masculine women, assert their manhood….
    Well in Tinseltown, anyway…. :0)



  46.  #46Femininewoman on November 21, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    re 45 I heard that this morning too. I like your take on the masc/feminine dynamic.



  47.  #47Femininewoman on November 21, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/breakup-divorce/how-to-get-over-him-step-by-baby-step/#comment-161515
    Fear and pain is almost always about our fear of our fear. In other words, the most terrifying thing of all is US!
    We’re terrified of the depth of terror and rage within us…and we’ll do almost ANYTHING to keep from feeling it.
    Especially if we have some horrible past experiences that our egos rightfully want to keep us safe from feeling and from ever happening again.
    But the way to keep those bad experiences from happening again is to let your feelings surface – not by digging into the past – but by digging into the PRESENT!
    In other words – investigate yourself – NOW.
    See if you can relax while you’re feeling.
    See if you can ACCEPT your FEELINGS.
    Don’t worry about trying to “forget” him. Just make the conscious decision to not focus on him on purpose.



  48.  #48Femininewoman on November 21, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    Just got this from Carol Allen:-

    The other day I met with a woman who has what you call a “high-class problem.” Let’s call her Lisa.

    Lisa has a boyfriend who treats her sooo well, and makes her the center of his universe.

    He regularly runs her a bath, makes her breakfast, and wants to be with her every night.

    He’s absolutely positive that he wants to marry her, and that she’s the woman for him.

    He has ZERO doubt about his feelings for her, and insists he has never loved anyone more.

    So what’s the “high-class problem” part of the story?

    Lisa feels differently than he does…

    She has as much doubt as he has certainty.

    She doesn’t like his constant attention, and feels smothered.

    She wishes he were as excited about OTHER things in his life (like his work, or his goals) as he is about her.

    She doesn’t like the pressure of being so overwhelmingly important to him.

    She knows she holds his very heart and soul in her hands… and she doesn’t like the responsibility that brings.

    Although Lisa adores him and they get along well, for essentially their entire relationship she’s been annoyed by him. (For all the reasons I’ve just described.)



  49.  #49Emerson on November 21, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    48 I’ve lived this, not quite to that extreme, but almost



  50.  #50Starla on November 21, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    She knows she holds his very heart and soul in her hands… and she doesn’t like the responsibility that brings.

    i wouldn’t mind this responsibility one day as long as he took great care to go through the motions of not making it seem this way (by paying attention to his career, hobbies, and other relationships)



  51.  #51Femininewoman on November 21, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    This is in Reconnect – Being Present
    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/2008/page/6/

    1. Get a simple piece of paper and a pencil. The softer the pencil, the better.
    2. Pick a time when you have at least 1/2 hour to yourself this first time (You only need 10 minutes after you get the hang of it), and put yourself somewhere where no one will bother you, talk to you, or call you.
    3. Find a table and a chair, clear off the table, and put a few simple objects on it – an apple, a cup, a vase – large, simple shapes.
    4. Sit down, and shake out your arms.
    5. Hold the pencil lightly for now, and just look at the objects.
    6. Pick one of the objects. Really, really look at it. What we’re doing here is changing the way you see things, the way you look at things, and slowing down the process of how you see and experience things.
    7. As you look at the object, move your hand easily over the paper, without touching the pencil down, without drawing anything.
    8. Really look at that object. See if you can see the entire shape of it, like it’s all one shape. Now look at the detail of it – see if you can see how the light hits it, where the shine is, how the curves curve, what it’s like where the object meets the table.
    9. Now just touch your pencil down to the paper, and let it draw the whole shape of the object lightly, without lifting up the pencil – keep your hand flowing, and don’t worry about what your drawing looks like.
    10. Now slowly notice the smaller details about the object – a curve, a shadow, a shape, a shine – and sort of draw it. Just explore it on the page for longer than you normally would.
    11. This is almost like touching the object, only you’re doing it pencil to paper. Don’t worry about getting anything “right.”
    12. Now – here’s the “therapy” part: I want you to notice if you’re tense in your shoulders, and if you’re trying to “accomplish” anything. If you’re worried about the “time,” or the “foolishness” of this – or if you feel like you’re in a “hurry” to get a picture done and “done right.”



  52.  #52Femininewoman on November 21, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/2008/page/8/
    The only thing you need to know is who you’re sleeping with and who you’re not sleeping with, and if you meet a man who tells you he doesn’t want to date a woman who’s “dating multiple men” – he probably means he doesn’t want you sleeping with anyone else. THAT’S something you can talk about. You can flat out ask him: “Are you talking about sex?”

    I really want you to notice how EVERYTHING is an opportunity to talk. It’s the scariest stuff you can talk about that makes the quickest, deepest heart connection. Don’t be afraid to talk about how you FEEL.

    Just remember this: Talking about how you feel is NOT the same as talking about everything you’re doing. No man gets to hear the details of your romantic life with anyone else – especially not your past.

    Talk about the present – how things feel RIGHT NOW, and listen to him when he talks.



  53.  #53Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    Emerson

    Re 25

    Just big big hugs.

    xoxo



  54.  #54Emerson on November 21, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    aww thank you LIzka….



  55.  #55Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    I love me! <3

    I love me for not having lean foward and invite E At my Christmas party.

    I decided to have no contact with P for at least 3 weeks. Have already done 3 days so far. It's gonna be hard not to reply if he calls or text me!!! I'm just learning to lean back and I'm doing not to bad. But this new challenge is… :s

    FirstCD is super excited about our first date we gonna have Wednesday. He sent me an email about the reservation he made for us at a super classy restaurant and this makes me feel excited about the date that I was not toi much looking foward to. Maybe we'll have fun? I'll stay open anyway.

    Really, I love me for doing so good at being a Siren and I love you all for helping me being one and support me! Emerson and Ik, I would probably have called E if you haven't suggest not to do so and I'm so happy not to have do it! Yay!!



  56.  #56Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    I love me! <3

    I love me for not having lean foward and invite E At my Christmas party.

    I decided to have no contact with P for at least 3 weeks. Have already done 3 days so far. It's gonna be hard not to reply if he calls or text me!!! I'm just learning to lean back and I'm doing not to bad. But this new challenge is… :s

    FirstCD is super excited about our first date we gonna have Wednesday. He sent me an email about the reservation he made for us at a super classy restaurant and this makes me feel excited about the date that I was not toi much looking foward to. Maybe we'll have fun? I'll stay open anyway.

    Really, I love me for doing so good at being a Siren and I love you all for helping me being one and support me! Emerson and Ik, I would probably have called E if you haven't suggest not to do so and I'm so happy not to have do it! Yay!!



  57.  #57Butterfly wings on November 21, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Ex coworker invited me to go for a drink after work today. I said yes. So that’s two CD’s I have tonight! Wooo!

    I ended up emailing TH early this morning. I basically told him that I don’t want to sleep with somebody I’m not in a relationship with and that I don’t want to do that ever again.

    I also told him that as much as I feel for him, I love me more. And I’m going to stop beating myself up over constantly giving myself to somebody who doesn’t want me “that way”. And the only way for that to happen is to stop sleeping with him.

    Honestly, if that message doesn’t get through, then nothing will! But I’ve been giving in to him for so long it’s not hard to see why he keeps trying.

    Argh!



  58.  #58Becky on November 21, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    I agree that relationships can feel magical but don’t those feelings come and go? I’ve been able to connect to those feelings but I’m having a hard time shifting that to something more practical, like talking about money for instance. It’s like I wish things would magically happen where we didn’t have to have “money talks” but it seems that awkward talk always comes up in relationships, especially in the beginning. And with all of the rules on who pays and what not, I am more confused than ever on how to talk about this subject when it comes up. Any advice or past blogs to refer me to?



  59.  #59luzydel on November 21, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    So I told “S” that it wasn’t necessary to drop the earrings, that if he wanted to he could drop them off, but that I would be fine either way….

    I do not like being open to someone who hurt me and did not care.



  60.  #60Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    Luzydel you are strong girl! 🙂



  61.  #61Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    Yay! I had to bought a very nice and sexy feather skirt last week for my Christmas party. I now have to buy a shirt, a bracelet, pearl earrings, shoes and a small bag… That’s a lot of money for just one night! So I tought of asking a girl friend for the shoes, what she’s gonna bring me later tonight. And I asked my mom for the purse. She said yes. So I just took a loooong bus to go get it. And when I saw my mom, I noticed she had the same exact earrings that I wanted to wear. Haha, so funny. I asked for the earrings as welk, she took them off her ears and put them in the bag! Ahhh my mom! What she wouldn’t do for me? So now, thanks to my mom amd my friend, all I have to buy is a shirt and a bracelet! Yay! With all that money I saved, I think I will take me for a date with myself because I’m so into me! 🙂



  62.  #62Lilybelly on November 21, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    57:

    BW~ I feel curious as to why the need to tell him this again? I would be leaning so far back, I’d tip over.

    He needs the space in order to figure out what he wants. He just needs the space. Gosh, didn’t he even say “ok..what ever” when this was mentioned before?

    And your focus needs to be completely on you.

    Good job on the CD’s for the evening. That’s a step in the right direction.



  63.  #63Butterfly wings on November 21, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    Lillybelly, I think I did it because his words and actions over the last few days indicated that he really didn’t get where I’m coming from.

    But yes I am leaning right back now and before he arrived at work I dropped some things on his desk that he asked me about last night. He wanted me to drop them over personally to his house but now I won’t have to.

    I will not contact him again either – unless it’s work related.

    His clothes are still at my house though and my daughter was begging him to come over on Wednesday. Eeek! I’ll worry about that after my dates (x 2!!) tonight!

    So yes I have a couple of drinks with ex coworker from 4.30 then meeting S at 6. Ex coworker really has it bad for me and he’s really lovely but I just don’t feel it!

    S on the other hand I did feel attraction to the night I met him. I’m not sure if it was his height or the fact that he’s quite the alpha with his friends. Not sure… Tonight’s gonna be interesting!!!



  64.  #64Patricia on November 21, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Ive lived it too but its also about boundaries…I have had to tell men ” oh go to work n quit txting me” in a cute way. Guys like this feel needy to me..they have learned to derrive attention by doing too much…as much as a man doesnt want to be smothered and need room…so do we. I like to call it miss me time…



  65.  #65lk on November 21, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    @Lizka 61

    That’s awesome!!!! You get what you want : )))



  66.  #66Femininewoman on November 21, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    Becky hi. Whoever invites, pays.



  67.  #67Femininewoman on November 21, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    BW I agree with Lilybelly. You initiated, again. I encourage you to notice if this is a pattern with you and just stop as Rori says. Leaning forward is just cutting off his romantic feelings. Also stop talking about your boundaries until he actually “says” something to you. Let you actions speak to him. Saying one thing and doing another just causes people to lose respect for you. Your aim is to inspire his respect through your confidence and stepping backwards every time he mistreats you and taking care of yourself will send off the sweet aroma of confidence. Hopefully these 2 dates will help you to learn more about yourself.



  68.  #68Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    Haha IK, but it’s my mom’ not too hard to ask 🙂



  69.  #69Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    Yesterday, E tagged me in a funny picture. It’s a restroom sign and there is a joke about it but it’s not the main point. He tagged me as the girl obviously and I tought it was just for me to see it. I just noticed that he tagged himself as the boy… Awww I think this is cute. I think I like him very very much. And I feel that he likes me too. There’s something wrong thought. Why isn’t he leaning foward???



  70.  #70Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    Yesterday, E tagged me in a funny picture. It’s a restroom sign and there is a joke about it but it’s not the main point. He tagged me as the girl obviously and I tought it was just for me to see it. I just noticed that he tagged himself as the boy… Awww I think this is cute. I think I like him very very much. And I feel that he likes me too. There’s something wrong thought. Why isn’t he leaning foward???



  71.  #71Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    BW, Femininewoman is probably right about you leaning foward a little too much , but I understand you soooo much. I know how it is to work with someone you are dating, specially when things are going wrong. I was working with P too. The last months were disgusting. It’s almost impossible not to lean foward! He was always there, people were always talking about him, I was seeing him talk and go lunch with other females collegues, I was receiving emails (for work) from him, had to deal with him. When the day was ending, it was sooo hard to let him go home (or somewhere else??) and not being allowed to invite him at home or for a drink. I hard such a hard time. And to be honnest, I totally failed at leaning back. I just couldn’t!! And I lost him… Even if he’s still around, he’s very very very far now. And I’m not sure at all that I will be able to attrack him, as sireny as I can be. He’s like deaf… I feel so much regrets now. If you don’t want to push him away, my advice is, do whatever you can to stop leaning foward and try to control his mind or the outcome!!! If I knew Rori’s and Have the Relationship you Want and this blog at that time, I would have listen to her advices and do everything a siren must do and never do a mistake.

    I don’t want you to feel regrets later. xoxo



  72.  #72Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    And I’m sorry for spaming the blog with my duplicate message. I don’t know why it does that…



  73.  #73Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    Lol, I’m not spaming anything, I’m all alone in here! La la la!!



  74.  #74Butterfly wings on November 21, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    Thank you Lizka! 🙂

    This morning’s email was my last. I suppose I just wanted to summarize the FM’s from last night and make my reasons for not going to see him last night, clear.

    I don’t need to contact him anymore and I know I have said all I need to say now, for him to understand my reasons for not going back to how things were.

    I never invite him over and he normally does all of the initiating. So the next time we talk will be because he has contacted me. And I will remain open and inviting but firm on my boundaries. That will be hard. But tonight’s dates should help with that.

    I honestly wish I didn’t love that man so much, but I do know that my feelings will fade in time – especially if S is as wonderful as I remember him! ;)) He’s certainly stepping up, he’s leaning forward and initiating all contact. Go S!!!



  75.  #75Butterfly wings on November 21, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    Thanks FW! xx



  76.  #76Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    I wish you the best luck in that BW. You never know, if you behave, things might switch overnight?

    I wish the same for myself. I wish us that things switch overnight!



  77.  #77Ice Princess on November 21, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    LP told neighbor lady that he loves me and that she cannot be giving him gifts or acting out for his attention. I feel so confident In our relationship right now.



  78.  #78Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    shift? switch? I don’t know how we say it…



  79.  #79LILI 41 on November 21, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    1005: from previous post:

    Emerson,

    Thank you so much for sharing your view on “mommyish” and “punishing”.

    I know I have such a punishy vibe. I don’t always catch it. I even mentioned in a former post “taking away priviledges and he’s being like a defiant boy.”

    That sums up the entire relationship.

    Hiding the fear w the anger. Punishy is lashing out anger.

    Truth is, I don’t feel good having s*x bc I feel cheap in a FWB situation.
    I don’t judge people who do FWB, but I get too emotionally attached.
    Last time I had to turn him down, I said “I feel cheap, like it’s all I’m good for.”
    Truth is s3x is the only way I know how to be intimate and close.
    I really need to be intimate and close by connecting to my real deep feelings and expressing them.
    I have felt this yearn to be intimately connected w a man on a deeper emotional bonding level.
    I so badly want this.
    One day, I want to live in a house w a man. But from now on, I refuse to live in a house with a stranger like I have in the past.



  80.  #80Butterfly wings on November 21, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    Either word works Lizka and I agree! Imagine waking up tomorrow and everything being as you want it to be!

    Actually, that’s a process I use with one of my coaching clients. I get them to pretend that while they were sleeping, a miracle happened and their life magically became what it wanted to be.

    I then get them to choose a day the next week where they will pretend that day that the miracle happened. I tell them to live that day like the miracle happened.

    This can be a life-changing experience! 🙂



  81.  #81Butterfly wings on November 21, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    I’m totally with you on the FWB situation Lili. I feel awful for accepting that, and like you, I think I may use sex as a way of connecting… Hmmmm you have me thinking now!



  82.  #82Femininewoman on November 21, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    Many people use sex that way. No need to beat up on yourself. You are becoming aware and intimate with yourself.



  83.  #83LILI 41 on November 21, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    77:

    OMG IP !!!

    Is this you fantasy or is this for real ?!

    How did that come about?

    That’s my fantasy. You’re my idol Siren!



  84.  #84Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    BW

    “Actually, that’s a process I use with one of my coaching clients. I get them to pretend that while they were sleeping, a miracle happened and their life magically became what it wanted to be.

    I then get them to choose a day the next week where they will pretend that day that the miracle happened. I tell them to live that day like the miracle happened.”

    I want to try that. Can you tell me more?



  85.  #85Ice Princess on November 21, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    She gifted him a video game for his birthday which made him really uncomfortable and he returned it and told her that he only wants to be with. I totally was not expecting it and was honestly just enjoying our time together which must have sent off a good vibe instead of my insecure one I would guess.

    He said that she was calm about the whole thing but once when I was over there she got all huffy to see us together so I am expecting her to try more with him. One day at a time, right?



  86.  #86LILI 41 on November 21, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    81 & 82:

    BW & FW:

    I just want more.

    The neighbour lady that flirts w D:
    She says that she’s been w her husband for 30 years. She says she will die w this man, and that he is also her best friend.
    He puts up w all her flirting that she does right in front of him.
    She gave a big speech on how they trust each other.
    She gets away w murder.

    I want the kind of relationship she described,
    except I wouldn’t disrespect him by clinging body to body w all the men at a party and looking at them with the bedroom eyes right in front of him. That’s still so triggering to me!



  87.  #87Daria on November 21, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    BW – he’s not calling it fwb. That’s great!

    That’s the reason he’s shutting down – using that term comes off disrespectful. Drop that term completely. Don’t even think about dating in those terms (and of course, if a man brings it up, refuse it).

    Keep on using feeling messages and don’t wants. What is it that you don’t want (without using the term fwb?) ?



  88.  #88Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    I want things to shift overnight. I want P to realise what he lost and to come back. I want him to be able to commit and to include me in his dreams.

    Feeling like crying. 🙁

    Good night ladies.

    xoxo



  89.  #89LILI 41 on November 21, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    61:

    Lizka, you’re such an adorable siren.

    Tu es une sirenne tellement adorable.



  90.  #90elle on November 21, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    I am feeling so angry with myself because I seem to be failing in my leaning back. I think I have given myself the lean back pep talk every other day.

    I with those voices in my head would just be quiet for one day. I feel like it would be so much easier that way.

    Rori’s methods make so much sense, but sometimes it is so hard to make myself change.

    I am going to try harder.

    Ok, just saying that made me feel better.



  91.  #91Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    Oh! New guy from the dating site invited me for a date. He needs a name? I’ll call him CA-CD.

    I feel happy and proud to have all these guys asking me out lately… But I feel sad at the same time. I want to be kissed only by P. And he’s the only one who’s not calling. Even E is not calling that much… What’s wrong with me? Why is everyone liking me except the one I like? 🙁



  92.  #92LILI 41 on November 21, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    81:

    BW,

    Well, without the s*x for these past 2 months, it certainly has ignited alot of conversation.
    It’s all there’s left: Talking.
    It’s been forcing us to talk more, something we hadn’t done enough of.
    All that’s left now is talking on the phone.
    He keeps calling, and I keep answering.

    Good for you for dating.
    You’re doing so well.



  93.  #93Lizka on November 21, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    Oh thank you Lili! It feels so good to read. I begin to feel appreciate here.

    Feeling a little bit sad right now. I’m gonna go sleep.

    xoxo



  94.  #94LILI 41 on November 21, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    71:

    Aww Lizka,

    You’re beating yourself up. I do that too sometimes.
    Give yourself some compassion.
    and a pat on the back for having found Rori now.



  95.  #95lk on November 21, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    CD just emailed me & I keep rollercoastering on pleasure & panic lol – it’s fine though. chilllliiiiiinnnnggg out nowwww



  96.  #96lk on November 21, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    lol i love to feel the wind in my (leg)hair…. i plucked some hairs from my birthmark & it made me feel legitimately glamourous HAHA that is so wonderful



  97.  #97Becky on November 21, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    Femininewoman,

    You are very concise with your words, and I do appreciate a lot of your posts. You convey a lot of wisdom.

    Um, ok, but that thing about whoever invites pays…didn’t Rory say though that he should never see you handling money? So how can you invite him out for something without him seeing you handle money? And at what point do you finally go dutch in the relationship- when you’re engaged? I have a hard time talking with my boyfriend about all of this because I don’t even know what I’m “supposed” to do….



  98.  #98lk on November 21, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    CD made up his own story… because it was something we were talking about.. & even though I’m interested, part of me is a little turned off by how simple the story seems…. i wonder why? i wonder if i am feeling competitive, like, hey, i’m the storyteller here… or… it seems a little, like, afraid of the dark – that is actually more the issue — his story eliminates the dark, interesting, scary…. that could be a huge problem with me……. off to have a cigarette ; ) lol



  99.  #99Esteemed on November 21, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    There’s a lot to be said for slowing down timeless moments with a man! And even slowing down the development of the relationship itself! R taught me that…by doing it.

    He touched me like he had all the time in the world, and his touch reached me as no man’s ever has. He has let the relationship grow organically, and now, three years down the road, I feel it coming together. It is becoming stronger again!



  100.  #100lk on November 21, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    everyone has darkness…. i don’t want a man who is afraid of the dark – in himself, in me, in the weather patterns, in the movements of planets & matter……. no, i do not want that. i want a man who is tolerant of the rhythms, who can ride the waves, who is intrigued by the darkness…… yes, i do want that. the dark makes the light & really neither exist – just that line, just that meeting



  101.  #101lk on November 21, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    oh seriously i think my txtties are getting bigger lol i hope everyone i know reads this : ) love you all



  102.  #102Butterfly wings on November 21, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    Lizka, I’ll tell you more when I get home tonight. Too hard and too long to type on my phone.

    Daria, I’ve also expressed to him that I want a “real” relationship and I do not want to sleep with somebody I’m not in a relationship with. He is the one saying he doesn’t want a “relationship”.

    You’re doing great too Lili! xx



  103.  #103lk on November 21, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    YES i just got the official invite for my free painting lesson in december.

    also just decided that i am going to really focus on not disengaging on this family trip. i’m going to try to stay present – no excusing myself in the middle of things, no headphones, no books, no phoning/txtng others – ok maybe a little, hmmm….. i will really have to ride the wave…. i do remember doing it with b&j/parents… that was good. that felt amazing…. i want to learn to do that all the time : ))) it felt so loving & open & free of guilt or judgment… yes.



  104.  #104Esteemed on November 21, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    I ended my friendship with K completely yesterday. The same toxic cycle keeps coming around and around. It is insanity to remain in that relationship. When it’s good, it’s really, really good. And when it’s bad it’s HORRID!

    My heart has long since centered around R. If anyone thinks that’s wrong, fine. But it feels right to me. He has my heart. And each day, I become a little better equipped to be my best self in a relationship.

    I really have no desire to date anyone else. I haven’t since 2009. I have forced myself to, but no one else measures up to R. That is, to his good qualities, which are rich. And the bad qualities are going away. I am in love with him.



  105.  #105lk on November 21, 2011 at 8:21 pm

    wow that must have felt really vulnerable for CD to write me that story… hmmmm…

    i feel….. impatient – like, well that email was silly – & what, you think you have to tell me about those simple stories?? that’s no real story. there’s no struggle in your story. there’s no conflict, so no conflict, so where’s the resolution? we allll want a revolution, baby.



  106.  #106lk on November 21, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    wow, i’m a bxtch…. hmm… i haven’t amoked yet, so i’ll see if i sympathize more after a cigarette & the denouement of a rachel zoe episode…lol.



  107.  #107lk on November 21, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    CD told me Ghandi said that all intellectual work should be extracurricular… that everyone should take individual responsibility for their clothing & food.

    i am impressed & amazed by those ideas… but i feel scared contemplating how my life would change… i feel interested & happy as well : )

    i remember the scene in the film where he yells, you will do it! you are my wife! that was scary, but also beautiful…



  108.  #108Ella on November 21, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    Lilli 41 re 86,

    Owww, that is interesting.

    As icky as this lady neighbour sounds maybe she does have some stuff you want??

    I used to have a Co-Worker who I really disliked and thought was dispicable. She didn’t treat her husband well and he worshipped her like a queen. I did not see what all the fuss was about.

    Since finding Rori I realise she, and other women I have met and disliked, may have had some qualities I wanted…

    She was able to sit back and let a man treat her like a Godess, and be worshipped and quite lazy, even thought she wasn’t especially good looking etc…

    I was lacking that.

    I know Rori talks a lot about using CD-ing even when we are married as a way to keep the spark alive.

    So maybe in some ways, even if they are different from what we would choose, that is what this woman is doing when she dances with other men and gives bedroom eyes in front of her husband, and maybe why he accepts it.

    I don’t know I could be totally off track. And I know Rori often says the people that trigger us the most are the ones who are most important to us…

    Hugs to you Strong and Beautiful Siren.

    xoxox



  109.  #109English Woman on November 21, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    Just popping in ladies, no CD’s or anything of that sort for me, so haven’t been hanging around Siren Island. I went to London for a few days (loving Rori’s English posts BTW 🙂 ) for an interview and yay me I got the job, it is a live in position and I get a free one bedroom flat, it’s half an hour on the train from London, so that will be good for CD’ing when I finally get my act together lol. 😀

    I handed in my notice at work last Friday and it feels like a huge weight has shifted off my shoulders and I handed in my notice on my flat so hopefully should be out of here and in my new job in 2-3 weeks. Yay me!! 😀

    I was very upset by my sister last night and used a FM but I’m not sure if you are supposed to use them on women? Anyway it was short and sweet and I didn’t cry or anything like I normally would. It was all done by text mind you. I found out from my mum that my sister and her husband and my other sister are all going overseas for New Year and I was upset they didn’t ask me, sure I can’t afford it and they know that I can’t afford but it would have nice to be asked, ya know like a token gesture?

    I am sooo far behind on the blogs but hope you are all doing well.



  110.  #110Lucy on November 21, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    Hi everyone. Thank you all for your help yesterday. (Ella I saw your helpful input too – thanks!) We had an interesting and wonderful phone convo late last night and I want to find time tomorrow to tell you all about it.

    In a nutshell, you girls were spot on. 🙂 Will write more tomorrow.

    <3
    Lucy



  111.  #111Starla on November 21, 2011 at 9:27 pm

    i feel dumb….i told CF about Alaska’s hilarious “your loss” statement when i declined a lunch date with him today because i was busy at the office.

    i just wanted to share a funny story. and we laughed and made fun, but then I told CF I wish I hadn’t said anything, that it felt weird to tell him things like that. And he said something like “I know most guys get mad that someone’s hitting on their girl, but i’m not like that.” And I said..well of course…you don’t own me… and then he didn’t quite get it. He said “well I trust you.” And I said “the reason I feel weird telling you about that is that since we are just dating it feels like bad form to talk to you about other men.”

    ohhh. the lightbulb went on i’m sure. He’s not dumb. I’m sure the no gf speech is coming soon lol.

    i wish i hadn’t said anything, though. I feel like I did something disrespectful.

    “Your loss” lololololol



  112.  #112Butterfly wings on November 21, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    OMG!! TH just invited me out tonight for a drink (he RARELY ever invites me)!!!!

    And…. I told him I had other plans and reminded him that I had told him ages ago that I was going to stop changing my plans or turning down invites to fit in with him because it almost always ended badly.

    And he’s responded and is NOT happy!!!

    Is it my vibe that has brought this on or my rejection of him – or both???

    All I can say to this is “Argh!!!!!!”. Lol



  113.  #113Butterfly wings on November 21, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    You’re not dumb Starla. xxx



  114.  #114Butterfly wings on November 21, 2011 at 10:10 pm

    It’s so sad that I’ve had to pull away like this for him to make an effort. Oh well…. His loss I suppose….



  115.  #115Starla on November 21, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Hug BW, I know it’s hard to pull away.

    HIS LOSS INDEED hahahah

    “reminded him that I had told him ages ago that I was going to stop changing my plans or turning down invites to fit in with him because it almost always ended badly. ”

    You don’t have to do this anymore, BW. Just live your boundary. Stop repeating it verbally. It’s keeping you in a cycle of drama, if that makes sense. You will feel so peaceful once you’re just living your boundaries and not reminding anyone of them.

    boundaries are not to be reminded, exactly, because YOU’RE their vanguard.



  116.  #116mali on November 22, 2011 at 2:31 am

    Wow.

    I just spoke to a potential CD… he’s 18 years older than me! He was telling me about the food he cooks… how is it that he made a salad sound so sensual?
    He said that he’d like to leave the ball in my court, said that it was upto me to decide on whether I wanted an immature boy, or a man who can cherish you and treat you like a princess… Which felt so GOOD.

    I’m curious to meet him… Hmmm.



  117.  #117Daria on November 22, 2011 at 3:59 am

    i feel in pain to write on the blog, i feel afraid of showing my failure

    my shame

    boo

    i left the house where SuperCD was

    he was super until he

    started treating me not good enough

    in an blamy and put down way

    like saying “your silly ass did this”

    and on the bus i told him to lay back the other way cuz he was heavy and i felt cranky cuz i was thirsty and didnt have any water

    so he says to me

    “why didn’t you get any fuchkin water?”

    and i said daaamn

    then i whispered

    that felt bad
    like, i feel mad
    i dont wantt to be talked to ike that

    and he said im sorry
    and i said ok

    except later he told me in the bathroom

    “why didnt you get (i forgot what) like i told you to.”

    and i didnt liek that

    so he said uhoh thers gonna b ea problem cuz soem of the things *I* say you don’t like

    and you’re gonna kepp on saying i dont want to be talked to that way

    and i said uhoh

    and then later thats when he went to sleep

    and i didnt want to

    and then he was grumbling abotu that and the silly ass commetn took palce

    and then i watned to leave and he wouldnt let me

    and i felt terrified

    omg

    i felt afraid he was gonna hit me

    i feel like that with men

    im lie uhhhh not a man like my dad uuufers

    anyway he didnt hit me or close buti went into “survive the abuser mode”

    then i sta down and said ill sit here

    and then eventually hes said youre gonna have to decide what youw at to do

    so then i left

    and then later he came looking for me

    and i wound up taking cabs and busess

    they were all so nice and the last ine took me all the way home tho i only had 7 dollsars

    and i spent 35 dollars and feel so happy for Daria that i did that for her

    and hes texting me some tryna make it ok stuff

    hes like “ima bad boy”

    and i know (now) that he is not all the way yet got it down the how to treat a woman thing

    but he did SUCH a good job until then

    like he even came and got me on the bus and then went with me back on the bus

    msot guys wont do that

    yay for me for taking such good care of me

    now i can notice my feelings and the familiar ness of them and start speaking them and healing hte trauma triggered

    umfff

    and this guy the guy met on the bus got me gloves

    yay

    AND the guys – cd’s – friend also likes me and i felt smooth and pretty comforrtable being with both of them like i had it goin on

    and i felt all that diappointment like

    numb your heart from knowing this person ‘beatrayed’ her

    i atn to belive he still loves me and it will feel good with us

    and now i feel terrified

    and i feel not trusting

    and all tightened up

    and i feel reage which is iced over for my fear of getting hurt for expressing anger

    wow it felt releasing to write thta

    thank you Daria



  118.  #118Daria on November 22, 2011 at 4:05 am

    sigh what amazing practice this is!

    whos awesome for takung great care of herself/!

    Daria
    !

    if i wasnt scared i waouldve said

    WHAT THE FUCHK !! THIS GOT ME FEELING LIKE YOUR A PSCYHO KILLER

    NTO WITH ME BUDDY

    I WILL FUCHK YOU UP!!

    or said

    whoa this feels abusive

    i was scared to do that

    or omg i feel so disapointed i have to dump you now

    or oh no your language is blaming

    or omg it feels like my heart is dropping with disappointement that i cant “keep” you cuz you’re damaged

    🙁

    that feels sad

    i feel so disappointed

    waaah

    sigh

    i feel my pain

    the guys are all sabotaging their own chances at healimg love

    mm,

    🙁

    i feel like i cant handle it

    that s what i was telling him

    i cant handle it

    i did well to express myself

    jsut taht at some parts i wouldve liked nto to feel scared

    that reminds me of margaret lynch’s course where

    the “charismatic leader” energy type – which i am – feels like its unforgivable to have felt scared

    i want to forgive myself

    ohh

    that flet like my right arm released some

    .

    yeah this felt terrib;e

    i would be a fool to give him antoher chance

    i want very much to gice him another chance

    i so forgice myself and rock on with ciruclar dating

    i did great improved intimacy and communication work



  119.  #119Daria on November 22, 2011 at 4:11 am

    weirdly is i actually CAN continue this relationship

    because i left and took care of me

    otherwise i would feel too upset

    i thnk i might stlil feel upset

    theres always a chance for a miracle turn around from him tho

    i feel tight in the middle of my feet and furious and heartbroken and on top of that numb and also acting cool and also excited and thrilled and kinda relieved and like laughing and cozy and happy and weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    i took care of me

    hes gonna see that and be blown away and magically transformed into a man who knows how to treat women well. very well.

    even better than before where he nearly had it perfect.

    except for the put down glitch

    its not fixable

    my dad has it

    all men are like my dad

    ill never find one who doesnt put me down

    i put down people

    so others will ptu me down

    ill neer have a relatonship really

    withough accepting it

    that maks a lot of sense actually.

    hmm.

    im still not accepting it no matter how much sense it makes and whtere i have to be lonely or not in realtionship

    im only havign it when im being treated well 100* of the time no compromise



  120.  #120Daria on November 22, 2011 at 4:20 am

    right on, i like thi
    “everyone should take individual responsibility for their clothing & food.”

    never thought of this nice to limit it down

    clothing and food, i think i do got it there yeah me



  121.  #121Daria on November 22, 2011 at 4:25 am

    Becky – my take:

    1. that’s why you don’t invite him out. as a feminine energy partner, you only respond to his invitations. if you invite him, YOU are becoming the mascuilne energy partner.

    2. when you’re engaged, you don’t have to pay dutch. since youre about to be married, its likely your finances are actually about to combine. so soon the will be no “dutch” to pay. just “family” and he will be handling the money – and you negotiate how that works for you



  122.  #122Daria on November 22, 2011 at 4:26 am

    if anything i encourage saving your money for emergency “get-aways’ like i had tonite. whew!



  123.  #123Butterfly Wings on November 22, 2011 at 4:47 am

    Best….. date…. EVER….!!!! lol

    What a night! I had a couple of drinks with ex coworker, then afterwards met up with S. We also had a few drinks followed by dinner and more drinks!

    Meanwhile TH was texting me and getting very agitated (cos I was not replying – mainly because I wasn’t checking my phone every five minutes!), and saying awful things…. but I didn’t care and was ignoring him for the most part.

    So after dinner S walked me to the train and insisted that I text him once I was on the train and when I got home. Awww! What a sweetie!

    He’s so lovely! I can definitely see myself going out with him again… sigh….

    meanwhile I’m talking to TH on Skype – this is NOT going to be a fun night… :-\



  124.  #124Butterfly Wings on November 22, 2011 at 4:50 am

    S is sooo like the type of guy I could see myself with. He’s a father, so he understands some of what I go through, he’s fun, he’s funny and he’s outgoing. Perfect!

    Turns out he’s 2 years younger than me. That’s pretty good, seeing as TH is 9 years younger! 😉



  125.  #125Butterfly Wings on November 22, 2011 at 4:54 am

    Ok I’ve just lost it with him, but after my fabulous date with S, I really don’t care to be honest.

    Mind you, I’ve still made it all about me and how I feel and not attacked as such, so yay to me! Even though I’ve had a few drinks I’m doing ok! 😉

    I think I need another drink.. :-\



  126.  #126Daria on November 22, 2011 at 4:57 am

    where is my anger

    i think its in my right foot and my left hip

    i cant handle my anger riht now

    my anger might get me hit

    it might get me killed

    omg

    everythig but the anger

    shtu down

    crakdown

    simulate smile

    make it peaeful until you can leave

    damage control

    mmmm

    now its done

    and the stress tight is in my body
    NO!!

    i dont want to be treated bad!

    no!!

    i hate yoU!

    this feesl bad!

    i dont want to feel put down!

    im feeling mad !

    im feeling vey ma
    d

    im feleing like yelling real loud

    im feeling furious

    furious furious furious

    furiouss

    big yawn



  127.  #127Daria on November 22, 2011 at 5:00 am

    im beating myself up for attracting another abuser like my long time lover and like my dad

    its like ill consistnely be attracted to abusers

    i should already know, if im attracted to them

    their abusers

    and taht feels quite tragic

    ugh

    i feel bad for me now

    i feel kinda hopeless

    i want to feel good

    i want to feel attracted to men who treat me well

    i want to feel unattracted to abusers

    avtually i am

    hmm

    i want to feel sexually attracted to men i can have a fulfilling lifelong relationship with

    are you sure?

    yes

    thanks!

    i feel terrified!



  128.  #128Daria on November 22, 2011 at 5:03 am

    my jaw feels pinched

    omg i felt so scared!

    i froze

    froze up

    cold blood calculate my way outta here

    shut down

    go cold

    strategize



  129.  #129Daria on November 22, 2011 at 5:06 am

    i feel ashamed and embarassed that im NOT (only) attracted to men i can have a lifelong relationship with

    like if i put up that i want to

    people will be like what a weirdo shes damaged. she WANTS to, like she’s not already. whats WRONG with you

    ehhh

    i love myself



  130.  #130Butterfly Wings on November 22, 2011 at 5:16 am

    Ok I was just a bit nasty just then. But honestly. I’m over his cr@p!

    After my night with S, it’s made me realise just how much I’ve been missing out on. I’m ready for something “real”!!!



  131.  #131Daria on November 22, 2011 at 5:21 am

    sigh

    mmf to me for gettng me water

    also i was NOT tired
    ive been getting my sleep

    AND
    ive been smoking less tabacco (rolliung papers)

    it feels good

    and i felt so much less stress

    since i dont stress off money

    in the past, i wouldve been like omg so much money i ‘had to’ spend tonite ugh how humiliating

    now im like lah, lah lah

    still some tightness from clamping donw on my anger around fear

    i love me

    i am willing to heal this now

    i ask for all the help i need ot heal this now



  132.  #132Daria on November 22, 2011 at 5:23 am

    fear

    omg i might cry around this once i let my star nova stuff shine



  133.  #133Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 5:24 am

    BW sounds like you are finding your anger. I am curious about how old he is. It might be his little boy acting out.



  134.  #134Butterfly Wings on November 22, 2011 at 5:27 am

    FW you could not be closer to the truth I think! He’s 31 (9 years younger than me).

    And yeah the age difference is really showing tonight!

    What feels so annoying to me, is that it’s been HIM that’s been rejecting ME all this time. Not the other way around!

    But I had plans tonight and he’s now turning that around and making me out to be the bad guy! Huh?

    He said he really needed somebody tonight and I wasn’t there. But I didn’t even KNOW what was going on with him till I was on my way home, so how would I have known he was in need of support????

    Yep I’ve found my anger alright! lol But I’m at least laughing about it too! 😀



  135.  #135Butterfly Wings on November 22, 2011 at 5:31 am

    It’s times like this I wish I was a “proper” smoker and not just a social one. I feel like one right now, dammit! :-\



  136.  #136Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 5:36 am

    Becky I agree with Daria in 121. Except that there are guys who once in a while will appreciate you at least offering to pay. I would say only do that after he has done so over 100 times. A good man will likely decline the offer though.



  137.  #137Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 5:38 am

    BW look at that as an instictive reaction to numb out the pain. I would focus my attention into my body or maybe tap to see exactly what I am feeling. Put your hand over the area where you have the tension, maybe your stomach where you might be experiencing anger or fear and really focus your attention on it so you can feel and release the feelings. Put your hand gently on the area. Rori talks about that in her Reconnect CDs.



  138.  #138Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 5:41 am

    BW remember you can only be rejected if you are pursuing. Though this might be painful now you already wrote “he said he does not want a relationship”. Maybe could be a moment now to remind him he had said that and find out if he has changed his mind. That puts the power back in your court.

    What you are writing now seems to suggest that he has turned around and gone into the masculine role. He is now teaching you. I encourage you to pay attention, just in case you really intend to move on.



  139.  #139Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 5:45 am

    Rori says if the man right in front of you is not exactly the way you want him then you have to leave. You have to take the man in front of you exactly how he is or you are making him wrong and you don’t want him. You have to leave. If you try to get him to do anything, helping him to be better just drives the man away. Because every time he looks at us he remembers he is not good enough and it feels like castration, mistrusts, disrespect, pushy.



  140.  #140Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 5:49 am

    This is a cut and paste from one of Rori’s previous articles

    ““Sweetie, somethings bothering me, and I hate to even talk about it, because I feel so good with you…and it’s important to me that we’re just honest with each other and don’t let things get stuffed down…is now a good time to talk?”
    If he says “Yes” – then go with…“Once you said you would never marry again, I’m not sure how you feel about living together…have your feelings changed at all about this? What exactly do you see for us down the road?”
    Now stop and let him talk.
    Next – “I’m asking because I realize I don’t want to be a girlfriend all the rest of my life – even though being your girlfriend feels so great, I’m concerned that after a while, I’ll start to feel insecure and want to feel more solid…I’m just a girl here, and sooner or later, I’ll want more. What do you think?”
    Let him talk. You can always ask him…“I don’t want to be putting pressure on you…do you want me to date other men so that there’s less pressure as we go along?” — Basically this is the “No Girlfriend” speech – but with a lot more “air” and expressiveness and exploration in it – and allowing him to get involved in the discussion.”



  141.  #141Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 5:52 am

    Trust yourself BW



  142.  #142Lizka on November 22, 2011 at 6:02 am

    BW I feel happy to read about your date with S. I guess it must feel releasing, huh?

    Don’t be too mean with TH, it may leave a scar and you don’t want that, I’m pretty sure.

    xoxo



  143.  #143Lizka on November 22, 2011 at 7:29 am

    Ahh I feel so sad. I’m at work and one of my collegue just keep telling me things that P COULD BE doing. Not even stories that happened, just stuff that (I really doubt) he could do. He keeps telling me that the girl I don’t like at work and is his very good friebd could invite him to the Christmas Party just to annoye me because she doesn’t like me. It’s stupide. P is not dumb? He would not agree hurting me that way in front of everyone?? He did a lot of bad things in the past but I really doubt that he would do that. Why are people so mean? Why does this coworker who pretends to be a fried is trying to convince me of that? He knows what my feelings are for P, I even cried in his arms a few weeks ago saying I wanted him back. I feel sad and angry. I told him yesterday not to talk to me about that because it’s just a fantasy and he keeps doing it. WHY????



  144.  #144lk on November 22, 2011 at 7:43 am

    @Daria, wow… i hear you. i often find myself attracted to those big, dark predators with huge teeth – like, i think they will *protect* me, but actually I end up getting scared of them… good work getting home… i wonder if the animal visualization thing (31) can help this for me….. how do you tell if the animals are really scary or not? hmmm



  145.  #145Esteemed on November 22, 2011 at 7:48 am

    Now that R is coming closer, it is important that I don’t share too many of my feelings, or it will chase him away again. And I did, accidentally. He asked me (last Friday night in a text) to define “romance”.

    I wish I hadn’t answered him, at least not so glibly. I defined it first with the quote from Marianne Williamson. I should have left it at that. But then I started saying things he did with me that were the most romantic things I ever did. I can’t define romance without talking about him.

    Any suggestions how I can do damage control? I feel so stupid. He’s probably run 20 miles away again.



  146.  #146Lizka on November 22, 2011 at 7:48 am

    I feel sad and I feel furious! I want to call P and make sure he never does something like that to me. It’s stupid, I know. I’m most probably not gonna call him. But that’s how I feel. Just because of what a stupid coworker said. I’m working very hard at leaning back and switching my thoughts to something else when I think of something I don’t like. Yesterday he starte with this story and I asked him to stop and I managed very well at not thinking of it. And I completely stopped thinkig about it! Almost forgot it actually. And this morning he strts again???? I feel so mad and furious. I’m almost crying in frot of my computer now and everyone could see me. I feel ashamed…



  147.  #147tinque on November 22, 2011 at 7:54 am

    lk – Your breasts can increase in size by doing breast massage. There is a special technique I teach for reducing or increasing and for keeping lumps/cysts at bay.

    Basically it’s outward circles for reducing and inward for increasing. Massage the nipples first very lightly with the place on your palm where the thumb meets the hand, Then go into the massage using the entire palm and fingers. Avoid the nipples. Experiment with touches, living, gentle ones, firm ones, vigorous ones.

    Have fun. It feels good too.

    xxoo Dominique



  148.  #148lk on November 22, 2011 at 7:55 am

    feel a little bad that i can’t respond to CD’s email… right now, it just feels like there’s nothing i can say. when i read the story, i feel like someone is trying to convince me (that he is spiritual, that he is smart) & i don’t want to be convinced… hmmm…. it’s ok. i will respond tonight & just relax & maybe i will think how to express this without shaming him or punishing him.. i can do that : )



  149.  #149tinque on November 22, 2011 at 7:56 am

    And use a good quality oil. I make my own infusing lady’s mantle herb into olive oil, a really good herb for breast health, violet is another good one more useful for tumor prone breasts.

    xxoo Dominique



  150.  #150lk on November 22, 2011 at 8:03 am

    @Tinque 147

    I do that…I try to gently “pull” the soft part of my back inward into my breasts… that is good! thanks for the encouragement : )))))

    while you are here talking to me…. any off the cuff advice about when a guy you like comes on in a way that makes you feel………………..i guess kind of like – whoa dude, you are getting all serious & intense on me & trying to impress me & i feel weird & like i have to outgirl you, but you’re being all weak by *trying* to be strong… or something……….

    i don’t want to be playing make-believe we’re-in-love the next time we hang out…. i want to move slow & slowly get acquainted…. i don’t want to move too fast…. i want really easyslow movement : ))) ok, i actually feel a lot better, i can go so slow like molasses, like letting him do all the work & even letting him flow forward, while i ebb back, like waves on the beach : )))))) that’s peaceful & organic & mathematical & beautiful



  151.  #151tinque on November 22, 2011 at 8:05 am

    English Woman – Congratulations!!! YAY!!!

    xxoo Dominique



  152.  #152tinque on November 22, 2011 at 8:07 am

    I think you answered your own question lk. You don’t have to do anything but be you, and if something feels to intense, say so, “this feel to intense”, and if is unable to step up, then he is unable, next…

    xxoo Dominique



  153.  #153Lili 41 on November 22, 2011 at 8:42 am

    145:

    Esteemed,

    Damage control feels to me like “control”, like “doing”, like “firefighter” male energy.
    Like wanting to provoke an outcome.

    Maybe let him process for himself…be surprised.



  154.  #154Lili 41 on November 22, 2011 at 8:43 am

    BW:

    You look like a blooming flower to me right now 🙂



  155.  #155Lili 41 on November 22, 2011 at 9:12 am

    Do you all remember my post form last week about sinking deep into my feelings to find the root of me avoiding intimacy?
    How I avoid eye contact to avoid taking in a loving connection?
    How I feel unworthy of receiving that loving feeling that comes out of someones eyes…

    In the 1st 4 months, D looked at me like I was the most beautiful gift from heaven.
    He had his eyes on me only constantly no matter where or who we were with.
    He would wrap his arms around me at every chance he had.
    How did I feel in those moments?
    The same as I described when someone gave me loving connecting eye contact and I distracted myself from it…unworthy.
    When in a situation of receiving from D, I felt stiff, trapped, a compulsion to pull myself away.
    I would light up a cigarette (he hates smoking).
    I would stare at the tv.
    I would look away when he would stare into my eyes.
    The only time I ever endure taking in his loving stare into my eyes is during s3x.
    Do you wonder how I started to feel I was only good for s3X?
    The flirty neighbour woman is not afraid to stare into his eyes lovingly. I am.
    If I don’t heal this unworthiness in me, any man of mine will always welcome a woman that feels worthy of his attention. That kind of woman will always feel like a threat to me.
    If I take a good long HONEST look at everything he’s doing that triggers me:
    -Flirting back (even if he doesn’t cheat, it’s still triggering)
    -Exhausting himself at playing hockey 4 times a week, then hanging with the boys to drink.
    -Prioritizing other people for his vacation time…

    I could choose to look at it this way:

    Instead of being mean to me, making me feel unimportant, what if he’s just making himself important and doing what feels good, what if he’s just drawn to people who make him feel good.
    He’s just doing what feels good to him and stepping away from what doesn’t…the punishy gf…who’s punishing him for not knowing how to take in his love and attention…punishing him for feeling unworthy.

    What if I followed his example and did what felt good to me? I was drawn to people who make me feel good? Instead of the punishment of feeling unworthy?

    Nowadays, I’m taking in loving eye contact from anyone who offers that to me.

    I’m falling in love w myself right now, and it feels like a soft warm hug of a dewy blanket.
    I am sinking into that feeling of receiving love from myself.



  156.  #156Lili 41 on November 22, 2011 at 9:17 am

    BW!

    D is 9 years OLDER than me.

    Funny…9 years either way younger or older = same results.



  157.  #157Gwenlm on November 22, 2011 at 9:20 am

    Rori … I first “stumbled” on Glastonbury in 1984 while working on a project in the UK. When I first stepped out of my car, I FELT something different shimmer through my being. This was before I knew anything about the place … before seeing the colorful array of spiritual pilgrims who flock there, and before I even knew anything about its rich Arthurian connections (a lifelong fan of that myth!). I go back as often as I can to climb the Tor, meditate at Chalice Well, and prowl the ruined Abbey. It is indeed a magical place … it opened my mind and my heart to an entirely different level of spiritual work and depth in my relationships. A few years ago, I took my teenaged son and enjoyed watching Glastonbury cast its spell on him too. A remarkable place!



  158.  #158Laughing Goddess on November 22, 2011 at 9:29 am

    Oh my goodness! I am feeling soooo judgemental right now.
    That feels like pressure in my head.
    Feels like my brain is going to explode.
    I love my judgements.
    I love the pressure.
    And that feels like deep breath
    I love my deep breath
    and that feels like anger
    I love my anger
    and that feels like self righteousness
    I love my self righteousness
    and that feels like deep breath
    I love my breath
    and that feels like releasing
    I love releasing
    and that feels like refocusing
    I love refocusing
    now I feel able to move forward
    thank you LG for riffing!
    Love you!



  159.  #159Laughing Goddess on November 22, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Btw, my riffing is not related to any currents posts. I don’t want anyone to take it personally. Feeling worried about that.

    I love my worry
    and that feels like lightness
    I love my lightness.
    Ahhhhh

    just reading an old post and saw something that triggered me.

    Uffffffffff

    oh lord, feeling triggered again just thinking about it!



  160.  #160Laughing Goddess on November 22, 2011 at 10:04 am

    I could really use some wisdom about feeling judgmental right now. Anyone have some words of wisdom for me? 🙂

    I guess mostly I feel sad and helpless when I see someone repeating patterns and I want to help but I don’t feel safe helping. Also, it’s an old post and the timing feel weird.

    Maybe I feel helpless and bound. Like I want to express and share but I feel worried that it won’t be received and…..

    Oh blah!

    Okay, this feels good…knowing that I don’t want to let this color my day. I don’t want to start the morning feeling triggered…or at least, I don’t want to feel that way all day.

    Maybe I will focus on gratitude. What do I have in my life that is working?



  161.  #161Laughing Goddess on November 22, 2011 at 10:11 am

    Oh yes, that feels better. I will focus on what is working. And I trust that person will get the answers they need and I trust the process. And I don’t have to take their struggles personally.

    I care more about feeling good than being right.

    Do I?

    Yes, yes. I care about feeling good today and enjoying my life. Feels much better than worrying about something that happened in the past and other people’s business.

    Can I trust in the process? Yes, yes I can!

    I want to feel light-hearted and happy today.



  162.  #162Laughing Goddess on November 22, 2011 at 10:14 am

    And my sleep felt so good. And I love the new comforter on the bed. I love that sweetie washed it and made it nice. I love fluffy comforters!!! They make me soooo happy.

    And I love the sweet cuddles this morning. And we wanted to have sex but we have people over and I felt uncomfortable having sex with them upstairs. And he was so sweet about it. And that felt good.

    And that fluffy comforter! Yum!



  163.  #163Lilybelly on November 22, 2011 at 10:14 am

    159:

    LG~ Hugs, Sister.

    I feel like this too when I see the same thing repeated. What it shows me is that the lesson wasn’t learned. If *I* really want growth and change, *I* HAVE to do the work so that *I* don’t repeat the same thing over and over again. I get frustrated BUT the truth is:

    It’s their experience; it’s what *they* want. I chose not to allow it in my experience so I let go, because it doesn’t serve me well or cause me to feel good. But it’s up to them, it’s their choice to experience what they choose to experience, ya know? I don’t know what they desire for their experience so I can’t judge it, really.

    Nothing but love for you.



  164.  #164Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 10:14 am

    LG I am just catching up and was just about to suggest switching your thoughts. Find something that makes you feel good and focus on that.



  165.  #165Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 10:17 am

    I am thinking of Rori saying imagine you and your man in the boat. Imagine him having the oars in his hand and you leaning back with your hand in the water, watching the sparkles in the water. With him rowing the boat and you don’t know where he is going but you don’t care.



  166.  #166Laughing Goddess on November 22, 2011 at 10:18 am

    And that takes the pressure off…

    And now I realize that I feel sad and helpless because I want to communicate my truth and I feel scared that it will be rejected.

    I want to be valued and heard.
    I want for my opinion to matter to people.
    Hmmmm, do I really want that?
    Not sure.
    This feels good…like a breakthru.



  167.  #167Lilybelly on November 22, 2011 at 10:20 am

    And you know what, LG?

    I think because the lesson isn’t learned, the experience continues to circle back around into *their* experience until it is finally learned.



  168.  #168Laughing Goddess on November 22, 2011 at 10:23 am

    Ohhhh wow, thanks Lillybelly. That feels really helpful!

    “I don’t know what they desire for their experience so I can’t judge it, really.”

    True dat!



  169.  #169Laughing Goddess on November 22, 2011 at 10:24 am

    FW: Love it! Thank you!!!



  170.  #170Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 10:25 am

    LG whatever your truth people have to be in a place to receive it. Until I feel in my gut that they are in that place I choose to just lend an ear. No need to gone into the shooting zone when you know you will get shot.



  171.  #171Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 10:26 am

    LG your opinion matters to me.



  172.  #172Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 10:33 am

    What is the best thing to do in this situation? Often, the best thing is to say something like, “This is not about me,” and then lovingly disengage – keeping your heart open, in case the other person decides to open to themselves and with you. Be very compassionate toward yourself, as it is lonely and heartbreaking to be attacked about something that has nothing to do with you.

    http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/2958/stop-taking-the-bait-of-projection.html



  173.  #173Lilybelly on November 22, 2011 at 10:34 am

    169:

    Amen!!!!



  174.  #174Laughing Goddess on November 22, 2011 at 10:39 am

    FW: #169

    I appreciate the reminder

    #170

    heart melting 🙂



  175.  #175Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 10:44 am

    One of the things EMK says he is grateful for:-

    I’m grateful that my wife tells me to go out with my guy friends when she senses I need a testosterone boost.

    I trust that if you took the time to write a list as long as mine about the many things for which you’re grateful, you could paint a pretty rosy picture of your life.

    And the more you focus on the things that you have as opposed to the things that you lack, the more you’ll discover your own happiness.

    Gratitude begins now!



  176.  #176Rori Raye on November 22, 2011 at 11:05 am

    ooooo, Gwenlm – Thank you for the lovely Glastonbury comment – Love, Rori



  177.  #177Lili 41 on November 22, 2011 at 11:06 am

    159:

    LG:

    I’ve noticed that every time I judge anyone, it triggers angry feelings in me.
    Every time I sink into those angry feelings to uncover what’s really underneath it…I find fear that is about my own stuff.
    Anger deflects from our own deeper stuff and projects on to others, so we don’t have to look at what really hurts ourselves deep down inside.

    Try to remember, we always judge through our own filters which are all about ourselves.

    So what are your filters that are triggering you?



  178.  #178Becky Jo on November 22, 2011 at 11:08 am

    FeminineWoman,

    I don’t know of one man that I’ve dated that would pay for almost all of the dates all of the time…I think it comes off as being a gold digger to a lot of guys. I want R to meet my family over Thanksgiving, and since I invited him, I’m feeling like I should pay for our hotel (whereas normally I’d stay with my parents) but I am broke and can’t afford a few nights of hotel stays…maybe i should have thought about this before I invited him…



  179.  #179Lili 41 on November 22, 2011 at 11:12 am

    175:

    A man that will go get his testosterone by playing sports with his buddies, then hanging out for a couple of beers afterwards for 2x a week is a huge turn on to me.

    A man that will need to go out to get his terstosterone 6 to 7 nights a week is a huge turnoff.
    When he gets thaaat needy for testosterone, he must be feeling that his b*lls are being cutoff somehow and he’s desperately seeking to get them back.



  180.  #180Lili 41 on November 22, 2011 at 11:15 am

    175:

    LG,

    Never be afraid to trigger me.
    The stonger my triggers, the more valuable the lesson has been for me.

    lol 🙂 Bring it on, I loooovve being triggered! xox



  181.  #181Rori Raye on November 22, 2011 at 11:22 am

    Becky Jo – the answer to this is to talk. You say to the man: I’m feeling confused about who pays for what. I’m inviting you to Thanksgiving, and normally I’d stay with my family – and since I invited you, I feel like I should pay for the hotel – and yet, I don’t have the money. I feel embarrassed that I didn’t think about this before and ask you then. What do you think we should do? And let HIM solve it! Maybe the answer is staying with friends? Love, Rori



  182.  #182Esteemed on November 22, 2011 at 11:39 am

    Lili 41,

    RE: #153 – Excellent! Thank you! He texted me today, a little while ago, and I just stayed upbeat and didn’t bring anything up! It felt good! New behavior pattern for me!



  183.  #183Lizka on November 22, 2011 at 11:42 am

    After my coworker negativ comments about P this morning, I thought of doing something I like to stop thinking about it. So I went shopping on my lunch break. I feel much more calm now. And I’m having a super productive afternoon! Woaaaaa! The power of shopping! But my poor credit card…



  184.  #184Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 11:56 am

    Did You Know?

    Birth order can influence whether a marriage succeeds or fails. The most successful marriages are those where the oldest
    sister of brothers marries the youngest brother of sisters. Two firstborns, however, tend to be more aggressive and can
    create higher levels of tension. The highest divorce rates are when an only child marries another only child.

    Source: George Mannes



  185.  #185Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 11:59 am

    .

    If you’ve ever wondered about how a man feels about you, then let me first tell you that a man loving you doesn’t always mean he’ll feel intense passion whenever you enter a room (even though that would be nice). If you want to know if he loves you, then here are some basic guidelines:

    1) Does he make plans for the future that include you?
    When he talks about buying a home or planning a vacation, does he assume that you’ll be with him during those times?
    Men don’t like to share just to be nice. If your man is including you in his future, it’s because he thinks you’re a part of his future.

    2) Does he try and fix your problems?
    I realize that most women find this annoying and, at times, I’m certain it is, But the truth is that if he’s trying to fix your problems, it’s because he wants to help you. Helping you isn’t something that he does with everyone, only those that he feels are worth the investment. If he’s helping you, he’s emotionally invested in you.

    3) Is he faithful to you?
    I don’t mean to imply that his being faithful is an extra bonus, but I do want to point out that if he’s being true to you when he’s bored, restless or angry with you, it isn’t something that he feels like doing, it’s a choice. He should be faithful. If he is being faithful it means he loves you, regardless of how he feels in the current moment.

    Bob Grant



  186.  #186Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    I found this inspirational:-

    In the 1950s Mary Kay Ash was the first woman to sit on the board of directors at the World Gift Company. But it wasn’t all smooth sailing! Although she’d earned a place in the corporate world, her associates refused to take her seriously and accused her of ‘thinking like a woman’. Frustrated, she retired in 1963 to write a book designed to help women in business. Sitting at her kitchen table, she listed all the positives about the companies where she’d worked, as well as the things that could be improved. In doing so she created a marketing plan for her ideal company. Her accountant and her attorney discouraged her but with her husband’s support she created a new cosmetic line and recruited and trained an all-female sales force. Her motto was, ‘God first, family second, career third.’ When her husband died unexpectedly, she stayed on track and launched her new company. From a storefront in Dallas USA and a $5000 investment, Mary Kay Cosmetics earned $200000 the first year, quadrupled it the next and, when it went public in1968, sales were over $10 million. Mary Kay wrote three best sellers, her business model is taught at Harvard,Fortune Magazine named her company one of the Ten Best Companies for Women, as well as one of the 100 Best Companies to Work for in America. When she died in 2001 she had 800,000 independent beauty consultants in 37 countries with annual sales over $2 billion. Never underestimate someone with vision and determination! When you face adversity don’t give up.



  187.  #187lk on November 22, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    hmm… just listened to the videos that CD made about Buddhism…. i’m really interested & feeling turned on…. I do want to express to him my feelings about his story… maybe i can just *add* to his story instead of *correcting* it : ))))) that would feel good for me & for him i think. yes, baby, you can do that : )



  188.  #188English Woman on November 22, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    I feel scared reading Daria’s posts, like I am sitting there doing nothing whilst somebody I “know” gets themselves into situations that are not good. I don’t want Daria or any of the Sirens to be with an abuser, these men are toxic and not worth the time of day. I want to heal from abuse myself, have I really done all I could to do that?

    I have had counselling, read the books etc, but something FW said about trauma being in the cells memory keeps playing on my mind.

    Am I sooo scared of ábuse that I am emotionally unavailable and only attracted to unavailable men because that’s the kind that keep showing up in my life……………mmmmmmmmmmm.



  189.  #189lk on November 22, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    I can say, Wow, that’s cool that you are thinking of making your own story & I liked reading about it…. i’m imagining when they go into the forest – at first being scared of it….. then slowly opening up to the intense beauty & beginning to understand the mysteries as they are led by their guide…. i wonder if they are initially scared by the guide? I think i would feel scared….. : ))) & of course i can say, thank you for sharing the videos you made! i really enjoyed listening to them & i feel excited to hear more sometime about the fairy goddess & the secret mantra…

    that’s all! that’s all i have to do to express myself & to honor his sharing! : )))))) yes.



  190.  #190lk on November 22, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    Instead of censoring him or criticizing him & making him feel ashamed, i can share with him a mystery i hold about darkness, in response to him sharing with me his story about the light…. yes, that is very good.



  191.  #191Daria on November 22, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    I cut out like a bad connection. Goooo Daria



  192.  #192lk on November 22, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    Wow, i really did a spin & changed that bad into good for myself… now reading his message *with* my message makes me feel super turned on & i feel warm that i opened up & gave back to him… that was a scary open gift he gave…. now i think, the vulnerability is strength & the also the desire to impress is vulnerability, so it is strength. ok, that’s fine. back to work, break’s over!



  193.  #193English Woman on November 22, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    #112 BW

    I feel so sad that you are so overwhelmed that TH asked you out for a drink and it makes me wonder (none of my business of course) just how he has been “courting” you, such an old fashioned word, yet so evocative of how women used to be treated pre Women’s Liberation…….



  194.  #194lk on November 22, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    LOL that he uses fruitiloops…

    “oh see for the tips there above, can you tell me what program i should use?”

    “you can use any program you like. just don’t fxcking cry to me when your illegally downloaded version of fruitiloops is unable to keep up with this brutal drop”

    WOOOOOOBBBBBBBwwwwooooobbWOBWOBwoob



  195.  #195lk on November 22, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    @English Woman 193

    By the way, I want to say YES I do want to be courted. I don’t want to be up on a pedestal, separate from my lover, but I do want him to bow to me & I do want to be so open to receiving his beauty that I am inspired to bow to him as well….or that image of one who has found spiritual guidance in a temple, he lays flowers & burns incense & brings fruit & water…. so she blesses him : )



  196.  #196English Woman on November 22, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    #104 Esteemed

    I am sooooo glad you have cut K out of your life, you deserve sooooo much better, I know who you want it to be, so wishing all your hopes and dreams come true, and at the end of the day it doesn’t matter one fig what anybody else thinks, what matters is how YOU think and feel. x



  197.  #197English Woman on November 22, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    I love Glastonbury and just the whole of Somerset and that whole area, so beautiful and magical. 😀



  198.  #198Daria on November 22, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    I feel angry and defensive 🙁

    I feel judged and uncomfortable to read about myself that

    I ‘get myself’ in situations that are not good.

    I feel like its implied that it’s my fault somehow that some men turn out to be rude.

    Like of course it’s Daria’s fault she has a flaw in character. She’s zany and irresponsible.

    And it’s her fault for being attracts to ‘bad’ men.

    And then the other side of me pleads her case like…

    But I actually haven’t been in an abusive situation or got hit by a man in 10 years.

    And I can’t control the way my dad acts.

    And I went with a man who was nice a d when he turned rude I LEFT.

    What’s so bad about that?

    You’re irresponsible . You should not ever have a man turn rude o. You. You ahod know ahead of time. What kinda friends are you picking.

    But it’s impossible for me to know ahead of time. And I LEFT remember.

    I feel ashamed and defensive.

    This is way my stuff on my head and stuff with my parents in the past so of course it comes out and shows up in the universal mirror for people to say I ‘get myself’ in situations

    Instead of appreciating my amazing resourcefulness good cheer tenacity respect for myself and just basically the way I actually
    ‘get out’ of potentially troubling situations that show up .

    Maybe another woman would have stayed – and in the past I would’ve stayed till morning to save money and cold and dark.

    But there’s no cold when I got my superwoman super pack bag with sweats and sweaters and scarves always with me.

    And now I know that the tightening up in myself feeling awful l night is not worth it.

    My emotional comfort is supreme.

    Omg I feel furious and helpless and ashamed and somehow deserving to be blamed for this.

    And I feel more helpless and angry that I feel deserving.

    No matter what anyone and even I myself believe. This is NOT my fault.

    And I am healing this.

    Belief that it’s my fault when things go wrong tho my whole family thinks so.

    It is NOT my fault. I am not alone and misunderstood and hopeless of ever not bring blamed.

    I feel embarrased tho! It IS my fault! He said he was a bad boy and of course he acted rude .

    No way. I be been out with lots of men who were similar who did not act rude.

    And he didn’t act rude at all ti the end.

    It’s still your fault.

    Cuz we said so and it’s safer if u think it’s your fault then you think you have some control over it and you won’t do it again.

    No! It is Not my fault.

    Now you’ve slammed English Woman and she will feel bad.

    No I didn’t. I felt slammed feeling blamed by her post.

    And of course it not her fault for thinking like my parents. They are right it’s not their fault.

    It’s always only my fault.

    Except it’s not, it’s nobody’s fault ever.

    So how do I communicate if I find myself in an unpleasant situation so people do t think it’s my fault?

    Maybe I shod blame the man, like of this nice guy turned villainous.

    Or maybe I should hide it.

    Or maybe that I can’t control what others do and the blaming ones blame themselves. And that feels bad, and I don’t want to be blamed.

    I don’t want to be blamed for dropping forks,

    For what a man does

    Or for forgetting water.

    Blame blame Daria.

    Daria wants to karate chop kick y’all. It she won’t in her infinite kindness.

    And also because under blaming y’all for blaming her are feelings she wants to discover and acknowledge and heal.

    Yes yes yes.

    And I do feel like an aww to be cared for.

    But not blame.

    I’ll take just that good part of the sandwich.



  199.  #199Daria on November 22, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    I feel all tight around my throat and hangy head of shame.

    Aww I love you Goddess.

    You are so worthy of bro g treated well and being spoken to supportively and kindly.

    No I’m not!
    Somethingis wrong with me!

    No it isn’t.

    This may have got built into your life view bug it’s nothing wrong with you, it’s Not your fault, and you take awesome care of yourself including by being more and more open to the world even when sometimes things feels scary.

    Thanks.



  200.  #200lk on November 22, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    @Daria

    my superwoman super pack bag

    Wow, i want that….i think i will make one for myself so that i can feel safer & like i can protect myself : ) thank you for sharing that idea! i feel excited now thinking what i can put in it….



  201.  #201Daria on November 22, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    He left me some message where among other things he said I rember when I did something terrible when I was 14 or 15.

    So I’m feeling intrigued now – and wanting to baby him old pattern.

    But wow really how did that come up. It was like random. He might be feelin guilty and it’s bringing up the guilt over the terrible thing he did he probably thinks he’s at fault for.

    Poor baby.

    Mmmff.

    I am taking care of me first.

    I wonder what’s going to heal now



  202.  #202English Woman on November 22, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    I don’t feel slammed at all Daria, I just feel compassion and you are soooo right, how can any of us have control over a man or know how he will turn out in the end? I just felt scared and your posts triggered some bad situations I was in in my life, not with a boyfriend or a lover but with my husband, yes the man I married who turned out to be a complete and utterly physically and emotionally abusive ar$ehole…….and I didn’t feel compassion for myself at the time I just worked and worked at it trying to make things good, make things better, doing not being.

    And I knew you would come at me Daria and I was sooo scared to post here tonight but you know I just couldn’t sit here and pretend you had said nothing in your riffs, because I read them and they said SOMETHING to me………….

    Maybe it was MLK or Ghandi or somebody who said something about good men doing nothing while bad things were going on……

    THAT is how I felt reading your posts, that nobody had responded and maybe I am being too much of a mummy (mommy 🙂 ) but that’s maybe ‘cos I am……….



  203.  #203lk on November 22, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    had dreams of the baby… something… soft…? dangerous? the bread i ate, there again in the kitchen, surprising like magic & like abundance…. the mother & screaming at her in front of all her friends, “don’t withdraw your love from me just because you’re angry!” yelling crying like a little girl…. i want to play my music, i play my music, i want to turn the lights off & play the music really really loud… something else.. something dangerous… thinking, oh, that’s pretty bad, but yes it will take care of all my problems… what was the scary thing…. woke up thinking, wow i really did a lot of that work…. something else really scary…………. what?? & the lynx saying that about the other thing… what…. OHHH the problem – oh, yes, the driving & the blood & all the blood & bits & the asphalt & the crying & the real amazed joy & hugging… the relief. oh, yes that… & the boy…. going through the building – going around like the fountain downtown & sort of under like the library….. the boy smiling, his friend, are they scary? will they help? will i be cornered? he seems nice, he does seem nice. & the joy after the blood is the mother too. & the boy is not bad, but still scary.



  204.  #204Starla on November 22, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    my best friend and I tried to get into a fight this morning but we just ended up reasonably listening to each other and taking turns speaking. WTF.

    I guess we’re both mellowing out.

    I wanted a fight. My period is late and I want to f*cking fight.

    The universe delivered by inspiring me to login to my Yelp.com account, where I found the owner of a salon about which I posted a negative review responding formally and publicly to me in a very disrespectful way. So I found my fight. And one that was actually worth it.

    <3



  205.  #205Daria on November 22, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    I think he’s bringing his ‘bad stuff’ up to heal.

    We were on the corner earlier with the guy who gave us a ride and the guy was like ‘he’s a good man’

    Cuz he was taking care of me and respecting me very well.

    And I said. ‘yeah’ instantly and it felt so good cuz I FELT it. Cux to that point he had been do stellar and I meant it.

    And I COUlD mean it and that felt so good to me yum.

    And he says. Yeah but I’m a ‘badboy’

    And I said, he’s not a bad boy, he’s just kidding with you.

    Cuz you know I don’t believe in ‘boys’ and such.

    So later at his house he said again
    ‘ I’m a badboy’

    Maybe how got scared when I said he was kidding, that I am not hearing him or won’t accept him.

    Cuz sometimes when I tell a man ‘I’m a gangster’ and he blows me off about it I feel like I’m not being fully seen and I worry that Uhh he won’t accept me cuz I really Am a gangster.

    Hmm

    This nights been similar and triggered his ‘badboy’ behavior.

    Cuz he said it the third time when he was going asleep.

    How cute.

    How glad I am I got out of there easily without much stress.

    I remember all the stress I used to have with Getright.

    Omg laugh eye roll.

    this man is young. He’s 22.

    I don’t want to baby him tho.

    But I can heal him.

    Maybe by not seeing him again and maybe by allowing him to step up and shift that blame language ish.

    My thoughts say it won’t shift and I don’t deeply believe that and I want to heal that.

    How beautiful that would be in my family.

    Yay.



  206.  #206lk on November 22, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    there were so many people.. kind of like a school, but more like a village, but also a little like a factory…



  207.  #207lk on November 22, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    @Starla… my period is never coming : / i really thought i’d start at the full moon… i felt like it, but i still haven’t……………….. that seems like a long time ago…



  208.  #208Starla on November 22, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    CF took me to my eye appointment yesterday and then we hung out for a while. I jokingly said he wasn’t allowed to leave. I was feeling very leanforwardy. Then as he was leaving an hour later he told me how bad his stomach had been hurting, and I asked why he hadn’t said anything. He said he didn’t want to spoil our time together with his complaints. I tried to unzip my heart as much as possible and let him know it’s okay to be less than 100% around me sometimes. I wanted to call him later and ask him how he was feeling, but I stopped myself because it felt like babying him. It was just a tummy ache.

    But he called me this morning with the sweetest surprise wakeup call! So I was able to ask him then:)

    It feels good to randomly hear from him as a surprise. And he is trying to hang out with me every day now. He’s even taking me to the twilight movie since I said that I was taking myself to see the new movie, so that he can spend more time with me.

    yay, i feel happy when i spend time with him.



  209.  #209Starla on November 22, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    lk, usually bellydancing and exercise gets it here on time. I have been SLACKING on both. Tonight – I dance!



  210.  #210Daria on November 22, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    English woman thank you for caring I feel loved.

    And I feel scared that means I’m signing up for blame and smothering And I don’t want that.

    I like to be mothered and supported in an encouraging way like : oh you’re awesome Daria! Wow that musta felt scary! You did so well to get out that situation good for you girl! I trust you do much you take such great care of yourself you’re and inspiration!

    Stuff like that feels good.

    Midway there I saw my mom make a bit of a chiding face after the that felt scary. Like the come on you know better than to get in these situations.

    And I don’t want thatits not helpful to me and I don’t want to feel bad or to think that I’m able to control what happens.

    Of rather just praise myself a log and super encourage myself for awesome stuff I do for me, so I can do even more awesome stuff in the future.

    Yay me



  211.  #211Daria on November 22, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    Mm Im feelin real good today yay um yum.

    I’m feeling full of energy like I can jump up high and bounce off one wall.

    Spider woman

    I feel smily cuz the guy on the bus was like, you two are in love huh.
    And he’s like are you gonna settle down together.

    And dude was like we’re thinking about it, it’s just thoughts now.

    Thoughts. I loved how I was taken care of when I was!

    More of that please, less of the no feel good until they the men get it right!

    Yay!

    Omg he really came on the bus and got me and it really felt good even tho I got to feeling irritated and frustrated.

    Oh and he told me to being him a sandwich and I said no.

    And he’s said he’s starving he said do you care

    I said hehe a lil but but not a lot.

    Lols.

    And I don’t save him weed like he told me to.

    I didn’t do anything for him basically.

    At the end I left my noodles over there tho vuz I felt scared he would ask me for them and I would feel like I’m being robbed.

    Lol.

    Funny now.

    Anyways, he was actually hungry and I didn’t think much go me.

    Super asshole sometimes I feel so insecure being this way.

    Like no man is going to make it thru my ‘stringent requirements’ but look how far this one made it.



  212.  #212lk on November 22, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    @Starla 209

    LOL as this is obviously not directed at you… sorry : (

    I HATE being told to work out or reminded to eat something or not eat something. What the hxll is wrong with my mother that she has seen herself, her sister & my cousin all totally fxcking ravaged by eating disorders, yet she refuses to adjust her speech to me, no matter how many times i tell her that her comments make me feel sad or uncomfortable. that is honestly unreal for me to imagine. i go so out of my way when i care for children to never say anything that suggests there is a “good” or “right” way to look or be. my mind is blown.

    oh well. how amazing & miraculous, then, that i have never ever done that. never done the cr8zy workouts, never done the weird binges on empty calorie food, never made myself throw up… wow, congratulations, lk, that must have been hard. i’m really proud of you & men love a little soft & also you are not fat & if the family women think you are fat… well that is honestly just fxcking psychotic, as they have all spent years in the bathroom hating themselves & forcing themselves to try to actually reverse one of the fundamental chemical processes that keeps us alive. yeah, fxck them. i don’t throw up my food, i eat to feed my animal body. i’m beautiful & strong & warm.

    makes me want to cry imagining being in a room full of that psycho energy. oh well, i will imagine being in the middle of it…. a purifier – i breathe in their fear & breathe out beauty & calm : )



  213.  #213Daria on November 22, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    Of eff big hugs Lk



  214.  #214lk on November 22, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    & also, i can heal that fear. i can go a little softer, a little rounder, no Man for validation, no God or Church – & be all smiles, open, peaceful, loving, calm – as i really am : ) that is good. that is lovely & loving….



  215.  #215Daria on November 22, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    I want to refine the way I tell a man I don’t like to be criticized and put down. So it doesn’t come off as blaming him. And makes it easy to shift.

    Hmm.

    People criticize themselves and then others but think they’re doing good and helping the other person .



  216.  #216Starla on November 22, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    *hugs* lk

    my family all think i’m overweight. You can ask Daria and Sweetpea…I’m NOT overweight. I’m not super thin, either, but it does suck being talked to like my self esteem won’t f*cking suffer every time they tell me I’m looking chubby. I visited my uncle in amsterdam and he used my body type to explain how fast food is making Dutch women “fat.”

    Thanks, Uncle.



  217.  #217Daria on November 22, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    mirror mirror on the wall whos the sexiest woman of all

    thers no woman badder than me

    i am perfect

    (there can be other perfect ones tho haha)

    all perfect u kno like fairies

    anyway/!

    i just love me so much today

    i love how i brought sex and physical closeness in my life and how ownderfully i treat myself



  218.  #218Daria on November 22, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    i wanna go shower now



  219.  #219Starla on November 22, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    215 Daria
    When I feel criticized or blamed I Like to tell men “Please be careful with me; I’m sensitive and I’d like to stay that way.”



  220.  #220Daria on November 22, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    ha u know something else that was thrilling about this Getright redo

    we were with another guy at the house, and the other guy liked me and tried to talk to me before this guy did

    which i dont know if the guy knew or not

    but actually i felt kinda attracted to and open to the other guy too (tho i felt turned off before cuz he was smoking crystal and i dont like that)

    so at the beginning the other guy came in the living room and the guy with me was all like blocking our eye contact

    i was stillt rying to make it and he would position himself to block it haha

    and then later he calle dme in the bathroom where they were smoking weed and was trying to pull down my top in front of the other guy

    and i was feeling all amused by it

    in the past i wouldve felt awful

    nd instead it felt funny cuz i knew the other guy was into me and actually if i had allowed that the guy with me would actualy get jealous haha

    and i could easily change men and decide to ‘be’ with the other one

    lol

    and then later he was like well go with him then if you feel safer with him

    (i told him i felt scared, hes like of me, and im like yes, and then he kinda freaked – i noticed lots of guys freak when i say yes to that but dammit, i mean i WAS)

    and im like thinkign, i could actually do that, haha lol

    im pretty sure the other guy wouldve taken care of me

    and the first guy wouldve been all mopy

    but i didnt want to do it just for the thrill of it

    and i would have reather gone home so i did that

    now i wonder i might date the other guy if he stops smoking



  221.  #221LILI 41 on November 22, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    177:

    LG,

    When a situation does not trigger anything about your own stuff, you don’t feel the urge to judge, you rather feel curious to ask questions to verify your interpretation and understand what’s going on.

    That’s what goes on w me. I find that I’m feeling less and less judgemental on people, when I heal my own triggers.
    When I feel the urge to judge, I feel angry, that anger hides something else stirring in me…I find I’m being judgemental when a situation stirs something inside of me that needs healing.
    The judgemental part of me is a projection onto the other I am judging, it deflects from judging my own thing that is being stirred.

    If the other person still needs to attract triggers to themselves, then they haven’t reached the deep rooted part that they need to heal.

    My favourite therapist kept asking me questions to bring me to my deepest burried hurt. This guiding approach was much more effective to helping me than hearing their opinion.

    And I forget this often when trying to help someone.



  222.  #222Daria on November 22, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    Starla –

    haha yes i told him that

    i told him actually my father does this and i know i DONT want it in my guy

    and i feel extra sensitive actually around this

    so he said ok i will try to be mindful of your sensitivities

    cuz i do want to be around in your life

    but then you know it didn’t quite work out

    i thnk one thing was that i was high and “spaced out”

    so in effect ingnoring him with my eye contact (though not my body language)

    and when i was basically not being all the way attentive to him he didnt know what to do so much and

    moved away from me on the bus at one point, which i foudn surprising and a lil uncomfortble but also intriguing, and also kinda safe and fun likethe bus belonged to us

    and then he came back

    but i was thinking i drove him away with my inattentivveness

    and cuz he had to pay for my bus ticket

    i dono

    anyway yeah at the house too he was tryina get my attention while i was stin on th e bed

    hmm ramble to everyone just remembering with images



  223.  #223Daria on November 22, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    i told him *something similar

    you know it feels a lil scary to share this and actually i felt kinda like defensive a bit reading what someone else woudl do

    like oh yes i did this, or else i didnt, like i flet compelled to get all chippery and explainy

    hmm

    wow

    i want to heal this



  224.  #224Aurora Girl on November 22, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    109 @ English Woman

    lol I was thinking of you the other day, wondering how you’ve been! Glad to see your post here today. Very glad to hear about the new successes and developments in your life! I am excited to hear about them!
    xo



  225.  #225Esteemed on November 22, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    English Woman,

    RE: #196 – Awww! Thank you so much! That feels terrific to hear!



  226.  #226LILI 41 on November 22, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    172:

    FW,

    You are such a channel of ressources here. Love that about you!

    From the link:
    “I feel ashamed of myself for something I feel, want or have done. I don’t have the courage to face myself, so I’m defending against it by attacking you.”

    I felt ashamed of feeling unworthy of taking in the love given to me. Projecting w anger did a great job of deflecting myself away from that shame. I’ve been very “attacky” to others not giving to me. When the truth is, when I am given to I think I am unworthy to receive so I reject what I am given…I deny it to myself, then blame others for not giving to me.



  227.  #227Starla on November 22, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    Daria, you said you wanted to do it in a different way so i offered a suggestion.

    i imagine you’re just noticing your own feelings, and not trying to be a d*ck to me:)

    i’m really pissy:(

    eeeeeeee my period should come soon then.



  228.  #228Esteemed on November 22, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    EW,

    RE: #197 – How close are you to Glastonbury? I looked up some photos, and they’re amazing! How I want to tour Europe!



  229.  #229Ella on November 22, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    Ok opinions/feelings needed pls.

    I feel a lil bit afraid to tell you all about this…

    So SSU CD is still stepping up and WOW does it feel good.

    I mean daily calls, he is planning dates, cooking stuff for me, bringing me gifts.

    I am still seeing how I feel.

    I like him. He seems like a good guy. And I am still getting to know him.

    He has been majorly supportive as I told him a bit about my financial issues, and he is also super encouraging with my business and wants to help promote me any way he can.

    And so after me giving the no girlfriend speech the other day he tried a few times to convince me that I should be exclusive with him, and moaned a bit, and when I stayed firm he changed his stance and began talking about ‘If we get married’ and talking about stuff in quite practical ways…

    Bearing in mind we have only had 2 dates!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Although we have been in constant phone and text contact for about the last 3 weeks.

    I know, I know… way too quick.

    Don’t worry, I am not headed up the aisle yet.

    And this is where I feel very unsure and a little worried.

    He already has a ring. He has always been open that he wants to be with someone for keeps. And he has said he wants me forever.

    When we have been talking he said he feels open and relaxed with me and one day he told me how he went out and bought a ring….

    I said that felt weird and did he buy it for someone?

    He said no, he just saw it and liked it and felt inspired so bought it ready for when he met the right person.

    I wondered whether you don’t hunt for the ring to match the person…

    Anyway he has just sent me a pic of the ring and asked if I like it.

    I feel a lil scared.

    I am expressing.

    We are in discussion.

    Sirens?????

    Is this weird?

    Is it a red flag?

    Should I run or is it sweet and endearing?

    My general sense around him is safe and happy. I feel good.

    Attracted I think but not addicted.



  230.  #230LILI 41 on November 22, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    Hi Aurora Girl! Hi English Woman!

    Long time no see. 🙂

    Glad to see you here.



  231.  #231Lilybelly on November 22, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    212:

    lk..

    good on you for paying attention to kids in the manner in which you do. I feel proud to know you and am feeling so happy that you support whatever is.

    I worked with at-risk teens some years ago and the teenage girls thought that the skinny models in the magazines were normal, even though there was no evidence of that in their real lives. Of course, many of them had heard they were “fat” the whole time they were being given their first drink and first hit of w(ed by their mom.

    I really wanted to take them all home with me.



  232.  #232Starla on November 22, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    ella, it’s not a red flag unless you’re not “allowed” to express how you’re feeling about it.



  233.  #233Aurora Girl on November 22, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    Hi LILI
    I like reading your posts….I have been reading and quietly here…..we have had snow my dear Chickie Canuck…..I hope it has arrive with you…..it decides what it likes to do and where it lands and how long it stays playfully….I love that…..not predictable at all! lol

    xo



  234.  #234Esteemed on November 22, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    I like how my skin feels soft and cool after a shower.

    I like feeling cozy and warm while I hear rain falling on the roof. And now I live in a one story place so I can hear the rain. At last! For the first time in 4 years, I can hear the rain on the roof!

    I like exploring my Yoni with a vibrator. Oh, it feels SO good!

    I like not being judged and I feel bad thinking about being judged.

    I want to curl up under the blankets and block it all out. I will indulge for 15 min, but I have a lot to do.

    I feel sad for all the suffering in the world.

    I feel endlessly curious and inquisitive.

    I feel scared about how much information about me is on the internet.

    I feel scared about my upcoming rent and need for heating oil, since I haven’t received any unemployment checks yet (it’s on hold while they review why my job ended).

    I feel disappointed I can’t afford to see Breaking Dawn yet.

    I feel frustrated I can’t find time to read my books.

    I feel tempted to contact R, but I won’t.

    I feel cut off from Daria, even tho I’ve reached out to her a number of times.

    I feel judged by LG, and I love her anyway.

    I want to share my love with everyone. I feel so much love in my heart.

    I am going to cuddle with my kittens…I have two and they’re two weeks old!



  235.  #235Esteemed on November 22, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    Starla,

    You can have my period. I’m bleeding not because it is due, but because of stress. That happens chronically when I’m stressed out.

    I want to hide.



  236.  #236Aurora Girl on November 22, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    Ella @229

    well….I think it’s playful…..I feel excited for you when I read your post…….but I can also understand how it might trigger you……or anyone…….the LD I am seeing now….it has been 4 good months and he comfortably talks about a future together…..building a cottage together…travelling together…supporting my children and wanting to do trips with them….he is a good man….and I take each thing he says and just stay in the moment…..he is sharing his dreams…..that’s all….and whether they include me is UP TO ME ….I understand that better and better. and I Just take it day by day….

    ….interesting experience with a ring too for me…that I’ll just share….his family owns a business….and he has a lost and found of items left there…….he was showing me some jewelry found there….and one was a ring….he took the ring and placed it on my ring finger playfully…….and I started to get triggered…..I have had this done before….but I just breathed and lightened up and stayed int he moment and I said ” I wonder what the story of this ring is”…and he replied that it was likely costume jewelry….and I just said that I wondered about the ring’s story……and he said “if I buy you a ring it’s going to be a nice one”…..and I just smiled….. he suggested I could give it to one of my daughters for fun….and I did……..and there was another one,…and he suggested I ask my daughters to choose which one they liked and give it to them…..and I did…and it was good.

    I feel the fun in it and keep it light……..and one day…if he asks me to marry him I’ll see how I feel…..I really don’t know that now and so I take the pressure off and keep it now,…..keep it light…..

    Does that shift anything for you?

    xo



  237.  #237Lizka on November 22, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    Oh oh… I just did the stupidest thing ever….f*ck, f*ck, f*ck. I feel so stupid. And ashamed. and angry at myself!!!

    After only 4 days of my 3 weeks diet of no-contact-at-all with P, I called him. And I called him for the stupidest reason you can ever imagine. Arrrgggg I’m mad!!

    So this guy at work keeps telling me that there is a possibility that P will be going to our Christmas party with one of the 2 girls at my office. I kept saying no no no it’s impossible, that he would never do that, etc. And I was feeling sad all day about that even if I was not really beleiving it.

    So tonight my best friend calls me and I tell her the story and she say Lizka I don’t want to be rude, but there’s a possibility that he does go with one of your co worker female if she asks no? Wouldn’t be happy to see everyone? Arrgggg… If my bestfriend tells me that, maybe there is a possibility?

    And I started feeling so anxious. I DON’T want to get to the party on Friday and to see him there, no no no. Specially with another girl!! Specially with one of the girl that doesn’t like me!!

    I had to check out to make sure he was not coming. So I called him:

    Me: I feel weird to call you like that. I heard things at the office today and it makes me feel anxious. I have to check out with you to make sure it’s not true.

    P: No way? What did they say again?

    Me: You’re not coming to our Christmas party hey?

    P: What??

    Me: It’s F. He was bugging be with the possibility that you might be coming to our Christmas party on Friday? I told him it was impossible but I called my friend and she said why not? So I started feeling nervous and I had to check out with you. I don’t want to have a bad surprise on Friday night.

    P: I have no idea what you’re talking about. Stop listening to what everyone is telling you.

    Me: I know, nobody actually said that, they say there was a POSSIBILITY.

    P: My friend is calling from England. I will call you later ok?

    And he hung up. I hate what I did. I feel so ashamed. I was all proud of my super leaning back week. And so ready not to answer his messages for 3 weeks… And I call him for that??

    🙁

    Worst worst script ever.

    Now I want to text him something like “I feel better now that I am fix. I did not want to bother you with that, but I was really feeling nervous about it.”

    Should I? Or should I not? And if he does call me, should I answer or continue my 3 weeks-no-contact?

    I need your help!!!!



  238.  #238Ella on November 22, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    Oh oh oh… sorry, update.

    Misunderstanding.

    He didn’t actually buy it!

    He just saw it and has sent me a pic to see if I like it.

    Still would love to hear what you all think/feel about this.

    I feel a mix of excitment, awe and fear.

    And kinda objective looking on curiosity!



  239.  #239Aurora Girl on November 22, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Ella
    Do you like it? if you do ….why not say so…if you don’t why not say so…….it’s playful and I think it’s cute…..how does it make you feel beyond excitement, fear and awe?



  240.  #240Butterfly wings on November 22, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    Hey sirens! I can’t stay long cos I’m at work and really busy but I just had to share.

    TH messaged me this morning, begging me to stop by on my way to work. He seemed really down and my compassionate side wanted to be there.

    So we just cuddled for an hour or so and he thanked me for being there even though I had every right to say no. It felt good that he appreciated that.

    So we were almost at work and he asked me to go to dinner with him tonight. Yay! But then he mentioned that he was having lunch with that woman today and I was NOT happy!!!

    I stepped back and started to walk away. He could tell by the look on my face that I didn’t like it one little bit.

    So we exchanged a few words, I expressed how bad I felt then I went into work.

    I then sent him this in reply to his text saying how he hates when I get upset like this: “You don’t want me dating other men. I don’t want you dating other women. How can we solve this?”

    Him: “I’ll give you what you want.”

    So we’re going to talk more about this tonight and although I feel really good about this, I’m keeping my eyes wide open.

    He and I have a lot to work through and his actions will tell me if he’s for real or not. If he’s doing this against his will then his actions will show that.



  241.  #241Ella on November 22, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    AG

    re 236,

    Hmmm, yes it does actually.

    He is just sharing his dreams with me.

    Whether I want to be a part of them is up to me.

    I can always say no.

    Yes that feels better.

    Sometimes I just feel afraid that I will not be strong enough to say no to something if it stops feeling good.

    Or afraid of hurting a man if he gets all emotionally invested and then I don’t feel attracted!

    I know these are what ifs and NVs and that I can just quiet them and go with the flow.

    Ok, breathing again now.

    🙂 xoxox



  242.  #242LILI 41 on November 22, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    Today I shared w a female coworker that I really like alot.
    She asked me how my therapy was going.
    I told her that I discovered that I deny myself love and attention.
    I said that I never understood why direct eye contact made me feel uncomfortable.
    Now I know. When someone stares at me in the eyes, I feel that they are really paying attention to me, that makes me feel important, respected, and even loved.
    When that happens, I immediately feel the urge to look away bc I feel unworthy to receive all that, like it’s not for me to receive.
    People are often insulted bc they interpret it as me rejecting them, not being interested in them.
    You’re good at eye contact. I interpret it as you being attentive and giving.

    She kept staring at me right in the eyes with the biggest warmest smile. As if she was saying “I do want to GIVE that ATTENTION to you, go ahead and take it in.”

    I stared right back and smiled warmly. We held that direct eye contact for a long time and I took in all her loving warmth.

    We ran into each other and talked a few times and we kept locking eye contact the whole time.

    And I did that with all the men that I ran into all day, that I usually just glance at quickly and coldly. I was never comfortable taking in men’s attention.
    I get their attention very easily, but I’ve never felt comfortable about receiving it.
    Well today, I locked eye contact and smiled warmly to every man I ran into.
    I felt myself warming up and softening up.

    I no longer feel ashamed of existing.
    I no longer want to pull away and disappear.
    I want to exist, I want to be seen, I want to be heard.
    I no longer want to be cold and lonely, I want to be warm and connected.

    And funny coincidence: I’ve had trouble getting the right temperature in my office ever since it got cold outside. It’s been either too cold or too warm…This morning I finally found the exact right setting and it feels warm and cozy.



  243.  #243Aurora Girl on November 22, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    241 @ Ella

    ….lol and I remember what I have read in either Rori’s posts or her program……that we can be feminine and open and soft and feel what we feel but we do not have to manage a man’s feelings for him….that’s his job…..the “I’m afraid of hurting a man if he gets emotionally invested in me”…..it’s his decision to get emotionally invested in you…….he can manage it and anything that goes with it if he’s a strong man and not a toxic guy or a blamey guy……I think I read somewhere that we emasculate a man….take away his man hood or become his mother when we try to manage his feelings for him….or do things so he doesn’t have to feel a certain way etc……I like to remember that….I don’t want to be a man’s mother or his feeling navigator….but I do like when he knows how he feels and opens up to me….and shares his dreams and his feelings…that I like ….that allows his masculine to meet and be with my feminine…..and oh it is so nice when that happens!

    xo



  244.  #244Aurora Girl on November 22, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    @ LILI

    YaY!!!!!!!!!



  245.  #245Butterfly wings on November 22, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Wow Lili. You know, I struggle with the eye contact too. So does TH. But this morning we stared into each others eyes like never before.

    Maybe that’s part of why he has offered me what I want – we truly connected this morning and it felt sooo good!

    I’m wondering where my sense of unworthiness has come from. My first marriage almost always comes to mind but could it be before that?? Hmmm…



  246.  #246Esteemed on November 22, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    Lizka,

    RE: #237 – I feel you! If you can, go right back to being a warm, soft, sandy, open, free beach. Here is advice that was given to me:

    “If and when he contacts you don’t do any damage control. It keeps you in that spiral. Just talk in the moment and don’t keep reminding him of past conversations where you draw attention to how embarrassed you feel. The more you keep drawing attention to that the more he will associate you with the feelings of shame, poor self-esteem, cringe worthy embarrassment and that will keep him away. Next time he contacts you, stay in the moment. No damage control necessary. Men forget unless we keep reminding them over and over and over. Stop reminding him, bring him to the present.”



  247.  #247LILI 41 on November 22, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    233:

    AG,

    We had our 1st snow last week…melting snow overnight.

    Forecast says freezing rain tomorrow morning followed by snow for the afternoon.

    It’s gonna be a h of a drive into work in the morning rush hour and at the end of the day.



  248.  #248Lizka on November 22, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    Lili

    Re 155

    Your stories opened my eyes. I do that all the time. I can stand someone who’s looking at me. Strangers, friends, clients, lovers… Everything you said feels so true for me! I think the reasons are the same.

    I will face my fears ofbeing loved and respected and I will practice looking into people’s eyes! 🙂

    I’m learning so much about myself here



  249.  #249Esteemed on November 22, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    I miss R gazing into my eyes. He used to do it all the time.



  250.  #250LILI 41 on November 22, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Quiz on the Cosmo tv chanel:

    How many men say that their girlfriends are also their best friend?…………………………………….63%

    ARRRGGG. I want a man to say that about me.



  251.  #251Aurora Girl on November 22, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    LILI

    so play it out in your mind…..what would it sound like? where would you be when he says that to you? lol would it be snowing? 🙂

    xoxo



  252.  #252LILI 41 on November 22, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    248:

    Pretty siren Lizka.

    We need to believe that we deserve the attention.



  253.  #253luzydel on November 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    I want to be happy;

    I want to be the woman who doesn’t feel heart broken because I man left. I want to be the one who smile and says “thanks for your time” and move on the her next adventure with or without another man.

    I do not want my final breath of happiness to depend on what others do to me. I want to be happy with myself, with a man, with friends, I want to be happy even when I cry.

    I want to feel so much joy that it spreads though out my surroundings. I want to have a contagious smile, I want to love myself so much that It wont matter if others don’t love me.

    I want to love every part of my body, my scars, my wrinkles, my cellulite, My curves so much that no external rejection of them will put me down. I want to love me when I am beautiful, and when I am not so much.

    I want to find real love within me…

    I want to be Happy.



  254.  #254Aurora Girl on November 22, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    253 Luzydel

    xoxo from this Siren to you…….



  255.  #255luzydel on November 22, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    Gosh…writing that took so much weight out of my chest…



  256.  #256Daria on November 22, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    Mirror mirror on the wall who has the prettiest toe feet of all



  257.  #257Daria on November 22, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    Hey Starla – yes not trying to be a dick to you

    Haha would you like a dick yum silky and squeezable like a stress reliever thing.

    I notice I feel really good squeezing a man (shoulder, or papi thing) as hard as I can, it’s like the tension flows out of me then.



  258.  #258Starla on November 22, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    Thanks Brenda that’s sweet of you to offer me your blood hehe.

    i think it will come soon. i’ve actually been enjoying this feisty ride. it’s the first time in my life i’ve been able to really feel the hormones and let them drive me. it was always too overwhelming before to do anything constructive with it.

    i feel like…..i am magic.

    this is a gift. my feistiness fueled by hormones is an awesome powerful force. and mixed with my sharp tongue and intelligence, i could probably do some really awesome things during my period that don’t feel as inspired otherwise.



  259.  #259Starla on November 22, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    257 daria

    haha yes:)



  260.  #260Lizka on November 22, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    I still feel anxious. P said he would call me later tonight. Why the h*ll did I called him??

    And now I’m expecting a call and thinking and thinking of what I will tell him. I want to take of the thought that he’s gonna call me off my head. I don’t was to expect his call. Grrrrrrr!



  261.  #261Esteemed on November 22, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    Starla,

    RE: #258 – LOL! You funny!



  262.  #262Daria on November 22, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    Wow I feel really angry and defensive reading lilybelles comment.

    I feel sooo mad.

    I don’t feel good to have it implied that women with slim body types are Not normal.

    And that smoking weed or drinking wine with my kids which I plan to do in a very lovely enjoyable and holy way

    Is tied with putting them down about their appearance.

    Feeling all numb in my face and dizzying a in my forehead.

    Feeling all judgemental

    Keeping my heart open.

    I feel heavy in there I feel tight jawed.

    I feel jumpy jumpy on defense.



  263.  #263Lizka on November 22, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    I feel invisible 🙁



  264.  #264Daria on November 22, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    Mm I feel all closed off mad. Tighten up bracing self. Tight jaw. Mmph.

    Big breath.

    Ouch!

    Ouch

    Ouch!

    I really feel mad!

    Like Furoous!!!!!!

    Rargh just yelled at iPod.



  265.  #265Nikita on November 22, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    I feel butterflies



  266.  #266Daria on November 22, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    And I feel all uncomfortable and vulnerable posting this

    I am imagining readers rolling their eyes like there she goes again being mad.
    Why I’d she do weird and unusual.

    Why does she take stuff do personally.

    Obviously no one was trying to insult her by saying models aren’t normal or by implying those girls mothers were bad

    Obviously it’s not cool to smoke and drink w your kids what a weird scary girl

    Well

    So fuchkin what

    Yes I DO feel angry.

    Yes it did feel bad.

    No I wont be quiet.

    Yes I still feel mad

    Mad mad mad mad mad

    Mad!

    Yes models are very much real women! Yes it’s totally ok to be thin. Or skinny. Or even fat. Or to smoke weed. It’s ok to be me rargh

    Ar

    Ey
    Ar
    Gee
    Aych

    Rargh



  267.  #267Daria on November 22, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    so mad

    there are tools to do what are they

    i feel like yelling

    yelling and pushying

    and yelling more

    no!

    i dont want me or my children insulted

    no!

    i dont want these judgements

    i feel like pushing it far far far from me

    pushing wide to make a big space for me

    OUSHHH

    PUSHHHHH

    tightening in my booty neary my spine

    stonecold

    pushing

    heart does not feel open

    sigh

    open heart feels like trembling with rage

    and feeling like wantung to cry without tears coming up



  268.  #268Starla on November 22, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    i’m not sure what giving your kids their first drink or wxeed smoke has to do with the body image you instill in them, but i do know that reading that statement doesn’t offend me one bit.

    because in me at my core is the belief that it is of course okay to acquaint my children with both alcohol and marijuana.

    daria, i’ve felt so deeply tied to this topic, and i’ve learned something about myself (might be totally diff for you) as i’ve gone through cycles of inward shame and outward anger working on that campaign — which is that i only get triggered around this stuff because i am not solid in my core belief about this one.

    i got solid. it’s changed so much. huge paradigm shift.

    yesterday, for example, i went to buy contacts for the first time, and i asked the eye doctor..”so i smoke a lot of wxeed, is there anything extra i should know about caring for my contacts and wearing them comfortably?”

    he answered me professionally and in a friendly manner and wasn’t at all taken aback. i know it has to do with my inner vibe on the matter. i didn’t imply it was medical use or anything like that. just straight up matter of fact.

    actually i’m finding that my triggers are depleting as i get more and more solid on beliefs and boundaries. Being clear with myself on what my boundaries and personal beliefs are has released me from others’ actions and opinions in many ways. The drama of anger and indignation is gone a lot of the time.

    I guess I could say in other words, I took myself out of the convincer role, even mentally.

    Which has been tricky because i’m a professional convincer, haha.



  269.  #269Daria on November 22, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    also i have a voice that says its probably a good idea to tell the girls their fat so they won’t be fat

    its like my dad

    i feel ashamed and i don’t want to have this voice

    sigh and its ok

    me

    thank you for sharing that

    you are awesome at comung thru for me



  270.  #270Starla on November 22, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    lizka i seeeeee uuuuu hehe



  271.  #271Daria on November 22, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    Starla – in my lockjawed anger, i feel a lil curiosity now…

    so what do you feel when somone judges weed smoking

    nothing huh

    no need to ‘save the world’ kinda feeling?

    just like

    oh poor person, they’re healing that im sure in themselves

    hmm

    yes well i feel totatlly triggered cuz actually i fel afraid to tell my parents i smoke often or to let them see me after ive smoked

    and i noticed it takes a big energy toll on my relationship with them, and my feeling at ease in the world

    will heal though of course



  272.  #272Daria on November 22, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    what about the model thing

    i feel like unseen when things like that are said

    cuz ive spent a long time wishing i was not so skinny

    and ive looked like a model

    ok maybe now not everyone would say so – like my dad

    but nonethelless

    and im here

    waves hands

    im human

    imm normal

    when i read something like that i feel like im being made invisible and blamed for the insecurity of people with bodytypes that are different than mine

    and it feels

    sometimes flattering but mostly liek being all alone and in full defensive

    and defending myself in my mind

    not safe

    sigh



  273.  #273Daria on November 22, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    i feel uncomfortable

    im thinking i pushed away lilybelle with my anger

    and its ok

    its totally ok for me to feel and express anything at all no matter what happens

    hug me



  274.  #274Daria on November 22, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    i feel uncomfortable

    im thinking i pushed away lilybelle with my anger

    and its ok

    its totally ok for me to feel and express anything at all no matter what happens

    hug me



  275.  #275Lizka on November 22, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    I feel bored.



  276.  #276Butterfly wings on November 22, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    OMG he just cancelled his lunch with her!! Wow…

    I do know they’re just friends so I thanked him and told him I feel good knowing he cares about mt feelings. I then asked if we could talk about the fact that I feel uncomfortable with stopping him seeing his friends because I’m afraid he will resent me. I also said that maybe we could come up with something we’re both ok with.

    Hmmm making suggestions does not = feminine energy! Will have to watch that tonight and be extra girly and leaning back!



  277.  #277Lizka on November 22, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    Ah BW you’re a great example for me! 🙂



  278.  #278Starla on November 22, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    I noticed I stopped feeling a NEED to save the world. Now I just feel inspired and I desire to “better” the world.

    I really get what you’re saying about your parents. i don’t have that problem for obvious reasons but i know what you mean!

    I think the big thing for me is being so totally open about mj use with my bosses and coworkers and on my facebook page that is open to the public.

    did you ever sign up for my mailing list? i think we sent something out today about how to talk about mj w the family on thanksgiving hehe. fun.



  279.  #279Lizka on November 22, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    I know I already said it, but I feel sad tonight. And I feel like I really s*ck at telling how I feel. I only use the basics words. Specually in English. Mad, sad, anxious, excited. BORING!



  280.  #280Starla on November 22, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    I just ate like 7 pieces of bacon. I am the bacon goddess.

    yuck/yum



  281.  #281Starla on November 22, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    Lizka, what is your native language? just curious



  282.  #282lk on November 22, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    @Lizka

    restless?

    : )



  283.  #283luzydel on November 22, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    “Problem is, you can’t accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life. You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re just lickin’ at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.”

    “But I love him.”

    “So love him.”

    “But I miss him.”

    “So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it.”
    ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love



  284.  #284lk on November 22, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    for a second i just felt myself hang hope on CD & immediately became disgusted with that attitude.

    not that i do not think he is wonderful.

    i have enough math in my brain & enough water & chemicals in my body & enough resonance with a chanted prayer, that yes i do know he is wonderful. all humans are, all animals are, all matter is, all is.

    Oh, disconnected living, how i covet you… how i disconnect myself from you by thinking that.



  285.  #285lk on November 22, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    @Daria

    “I don’t feel good to have it implied that women with slim body types are Not normal.

    And that smoking weed or drinking wine with my kids which I plan to do in a very lovely enjoyable and holy way

    Is tied with putting them down about their appearance.”

    that all resonates with me – & starla’s comment too about going to the doctor.

    normal, healthy – if you feel good, you’re good.



  286.  #286lk on November 22, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    feeling scared a little tonight. my good friend – we both have clairvoyant dreams & we talk about them. she told me a couple months ago, like joking around… a few things actually in one night – the sqw/party/exCD dream… the dream about exCD with no feet lol & having his wallet stolen…… & one that she had “the big C” – stomach cancer. well… a few weeks later she started having stomach pain attacks & they can’t figure out what’s wrong.

    tonight, she went out with me while i had a cigarette & she said, you know we have psychic dreams, right? i was like, yes. she goes, well, what if i really do have the big C?

    i was like, yes, that is ok… she’s like, what about the baby? I’m like, he will be ok. she’s like, he’ll hate me. won’t he resent me? I’m like, no, he will be in love with you. she’s like, ryan? I’m like, he will tell him his mother was an angel. then i go, & anyway you are going to go someway. but then i did say, yes, but i’ve thought a hundred times i had cancer & i haven’t yet. yes, we both sigh. yes, but we are all going to go someday…

    & now i can’t really be scared. or… mostly i’m just thinking my back & my throat hurt. i’m getting older. i’m getting fat. i’m getting slow. i’m getting wiser though : ) the more i ache, the more i know…. right? the more curious, actually, i become about what it is to cling to the physical reality… hmmm… now i’m wondering if i could endure surgery without anaesthetic – ah, someone could truly do something terrible to me with a sharp instrument… oh, humans – oh, tools! why did you do that? can we be calm? can we be loving? can we be peaceful? can we be generous? now i’m humming, “christ feed the multitude with only one loaf of bread…” ohhh, jesus, damian marley……



  287.  #287LILI 41 on November 22, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    245:

    BW,

    Chances are that it’s the “before” that got you into that kind of marriage.

    I was married too, for 7 years.



  288.  #288LILI 41 on November 22, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    251:

    AG,

    You’re giving a good thought to fall asleep with.

    I will play it in my mind and see what I come up with.

    Thanks for the suggestion.



  289.  #289Femininewoman on November 22, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    Lizka you think you suck at feeling messages?

    Place your attention in your body when you want to try and express your feelings. Rori also teaches to practice touching objects, such as using your foot to touch the floor and speak about how the object feels.

    When I feel afraid sometimes I feel like something is in my stomach shaking, like a scared rabbit in the corner shivering.

    Sometimes when I get scared I feel my heart pounding like it wants to jump out my chest or I feel the blood pounding behind my ears. I also sometimes feel my palms get sweaty or like I stop breathing.



  290.  #290lk on November 22, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    Was just thinking, ok…

    so my spirit animals: otter, deer, lynx… my lynx is made of elk antler, so that will give me strength for the longhaul… um… the lynx, yes i honor her in my sleeping life, the deer in my waking – the river otter – i desire water strongly – i think i will join a gym with a pool… that is the closest i can come. oh well, at least the pool will be quieter in winter than in summer, right : ) oh, i LOVE the water…



  291.  #291lady-in-waiting on November 22, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    #288 and all the other posts:
    CDing is free therapy. Like a billion dollars worth. I have been quiet for a while. Today I can read these siren words on the site-and I can really and actually feel them. Several posts ago after yet another dating round for this year, it may have sounded like what I wrote was complete insanity. Part of it was.
    I had been walking around with an old wool overcoat filled with holes and rocks in the pockets. For years, any time I felt anything-it was so intense I thought I had to save myself from pain, joy, fear, ridicule, wants, needs, so I would pull the ragged edges of the coat even tighter. That was supposed to protect me. Because I was taught that any of those feelings, good or bad or neither , were my fault. If I were perfect enough, then, maybe, just maybe, I would be acceptable enough to be loved. But I would have to be perfect enough.
    There is no such thing.
    So, several weeks back I probably sounded like I was screaming.
    I was.
    I had worked very hard this year to find that man. What I found was myself.
    When that coat started to shred off of me, and the rocks fell out of the pockets, I thought I was gonna get burned by the sun on my siren surfboard. I was afraid my bare skin would hurt. Instead, I found fairy dust and roses and warmth and I learned what it meant to feel alive, to be free, for the first time in decades.
    Healing is a process. The waves of emotions don’t knock me off my board or drown me. I can cry, I can sing, I can laugh, I can weather the doubt, worry, fear. Cuz I know how to get back on that board I was gifted with just because I am me.
    I am working my codependency. I knew I was working it for years. It was still frozen until this entire year of dating became crystal for me. I dated against type. I dated and practiced and let go and wondered when I was supposed to hold on and I saw patterns and triggers for the first time in my life. Every one of those guys I met in person was emotionally unavailable.
    I studied and read and read some more. I did not blame myself for who they turned out to be.
    Instead, like you, I look in the mirror and KNOW i can feel what I feel.
    This feels like Sunday morning with pancakes and warm syrup. It feels like I came home after traveling the world.
    I still miss the guy from the beginning of all this. I pushed him away. And now I can admit he knew more about all of this than I did. NO, not calling him. I know he is with someone else. She looks like me. I know because of work involvements-our paths will cross soon. It’s not something for me to control when and if it does. I am happy for him. A litlle sad for me. I can feel it and let go and Let God. I would not have been involved this intensely in finding my inner Goddess if it had not been for bachelor #1 this year. Maybe he knew I was not ready for him. And that’s ok. Now I am ready for whatever comes next.
    Everytime Rori prints “Trust your feelings” I would get so mad.
    Cause I did not know how to feel. It was all covered up.
    Not anymore.
    I have my daily prayer, affirmations and practices. That’s what works for me. It’s ok to practice how to feel. I missed that growing up and thanks to severe trauma the last two decades.
    And no, not seeing or talking to Mr. FB. He lied to me. They all did. They all lied to protect themselves, or to try and be what they thought I wanted, or because they always have.
    I don’t want that.
    And I was also terrified that I was so dumb that I would never understand the behavior -that it would always suck me in. That maybe women settle for that and maybe I should too.
    I was terrified because I did not know how to feel and trust my feelings.
    Those feelings are mine. I can say stop! I can say I don’t think so. I can say-this is not right for me. I can say I need to think about this.
    And I don’t have to look back.
    I am most perfect when I tick somebody off after stating my feelings. I don’t have to wonder if they will abandon me, hate me, love me.
    I love me. I can state my feelings for me without attacking or blaming and if the other person reacts-well , they react.
    I have learned how to respond.
    And I learned it from all of you on these posts.
    Thank you



  292.  #292lady-in-waiting on November 22, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    #289 and all the other posts:
    CDing is free therapy. Like a billion dollars worth. I have been quiet for a while. Today I can read these siren words on the site-and I can really and actually feel them. Several posts ago after yet another dating round for this year, it may have sounded like what I wrote was complete insanity. Part of it was.
    I had been walking around with an old wool overcoat filled with holes and rocks in the pockets. For years, any time I felt anything-it was so intense I thought I had to save myself from pain, joy, fear, ridicule, wants, needs, so I would pull the ragged edges of the coat even tighter. That was supposed to protect me. Because I was taught that any of those feelings, good or bad or neither , were my fault. If I were perfect enough, then, maybe, just maybe, I would be acceptable enough to be loved. But I would have to be perfect enough.
    There is no such thing.
    So, several weeks back I probably sounded like I was screaming.
    I was.
    I had worked very hard this year to find that man. What I found was myself.
    When that coat started to shred off of me, and the rocks fell out of the pockets, I thought I was gonna get burned by the sun on my siren surfboard. I was afraid my bare skin would hurt. Instead, I found fairy dust and roses and warmth and I learned what it meant to feel alive, to be free, for the first time in decades.
    Healing is a process. The waves of emotions don’t knock me off my board or drown me. I can cry, I can sing, I can laugh, I can weather the doubt, worry, fear. Cuz I know how to get back on that board I was gifted with just because I am me.
    I am working my codependency. I knew I was working it for years. It was still frozen until this entire year of dating became crystal for me. I dated against type. I dated and practiced and let go and wondered when I was supposed to hold on and I saw patterns and triggers for the first time in my life. Every one of those guys I met in person was emotionally unavailable.
    I studied and read and read some more. I did not blame myself for who they turned out to be.
    Instead, like you, I look in the mirror and KNOW i can feel what I feel.
    This feels like Sunday morning with pancakes and warm syrup. It feels like I came home after traveling the world.
    I still miss the guy from the beginning of all this. I pushed him away. And now I can admit he knew more about all of this than I did. NO, not calling him. I know he is with someone else. She looks like me. I know because of work involvements-our paths will cross soon. It’s not something for me to control when and if it does. I am happy for him. A litlle sad for me. I can feel it and let go and Let God. I would not have been involved this intensely in finding my inner Goddess if it had not been for bachelor #1 this year. Maybe he knew I was not ready for him. And that’s ok. Now I am ready for whatever comes next.
    Everytime Rori prints “Trust your feelings” I would get so mad.
    Cause I did not know how to feel. It was all covered up.
    Not anymore.
    I have my daily prayer, affirmations and practices. That’s what works for me. It’s ok to practice how to feel. I missed that growing up and thanks to severe trauma the last two decades.
    And no, not seeing or talking to Mr. FB. He lied to me. They all did. They all lied to protect themselves, or to try and be what they thought I wanted, or because they always have.
    I don’t want that.
    And I was also terrified that I was so dumb that I would never understand the behavior -that it would always suck me in. That maybe women settle for that and maybe I should too.
    I was terrified because I did not know how to feel and trust my feelings.
    Those feelings are mine. I can say stop! I can say I don’t think so. I can say-this is not right for me. I can say I need to think about this.
    And I don’t have to look back.
    I am most perfect when I tick somebody off after stating my feelings. I don’t have to wonder if they will abandon me, hate me, love me.
    I love me. I can state my feelings for me without attacking or blaming and if the other person reacts-well , they react.
    I have learned how to respond.
    And I learned it from all of you on these posts.
    Thank you



  293.  #293Esteemed on November 22, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Lady-in-Waiting,

    RE: #291-292 – Super! What a fantastic testimony to Rori’s work, and what a beautiful piece of writing! I love your writing style, and I hope you submit that as an article to a women’s magazine!

    I feel so happy for you that you are finding yourself! Me too!



  294.  #294Jessie 1000 on November 22, 2011 at 10:40 pm

    I used to beat myself up before because I thought that I wasnt nice enough, or smart enough or funny enough but now I beat myself up for texting or calling him. Its wierd. I sometimes I wonder why I am so angry at myself all the time. I wanted my man to come over so bad last night because we hadn’t seen each other and he called too late and me and my son had plans. So I told him I was disaappointed that he was so late and we left it at that. He called at midnight four times but I didnt hear his calls. So he said he would come tonight but I think he just wanted me to sit my ass at home….which I did. Reluctantly….my other friend, texted me to come over but I said no cause I was waiting for his text. Of course. Late. He texted me Hi. I said Hi back. Then he said R u sleeping? Then I said nope. So he went home and went to bed. WTF? That is so wierd. I couldnt take it anymore. I got so anxious. I wanted to know why did he do that? I phoned him and we talked for a bit on the phone and he said he was super cold in the coffee shop that he was in and he went home. Why do I want hiim so much just when I should be pissed off? I feel sickly compulsive to text him all the time now… I know rori says we will feel triggered sometimes but I hate this feeling enough not to want to date anymore. I think that Im afraid to be alone with my feelings. All day my son was ssick and I just wanted some company. I feel bored of waiting around for him to pick up the phone and call me….I feel gross and now I feel mad at myself for having no self control….Yuck…I hate feeling like this over a guy that i JUST MET. He reminds me of all the other people that I know who have hurt me….yuck but he is so nice and not anything horrible at all. Im so bored of men! Is there any other alternative?
    ]

    How do I make myself happy at the moment when he says hes not coming now?



  295.  #295Daria on November 22, 2011 at 10:57 pm

    and then Daria’s grip on the way the world has to be relaxed,

    she felt at peace

    and her lovers corrected themselves and more wonderful ones showed up



  296.  #296Daria on November 22, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    *I* got my blood



  297.  #297Daria on November 22, 2011 at 11:04 pm

    lady in waiting – i felt so good reading your post. i felt like you were speaking for me, and i felt seen and honored and released. and i love the bare skin with mist and roses image i saw

    i felt smoothed out



  298.  #298Daria on November 22, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    im feelin so mad right now

    cd is textin me sexy invites taht i feel both turned on by but then turned off by after

    umf

    i feel all idsappointed

    i want a new lover

    and also i have bllood

    and actually my heart felt good with this one

    i even liked when he called me and talked

    and he wanted to see me asap asap

    uff

    well sigh

    i want a new lover this was a great step and now feeling my grief is a great step and more better will show up like always and i want it to show up now while i feel grieved



  299.  #299English Woman on November 22, 2011 at 11:21 pm

    #224 Aurora and further up Tinque

    Thanks so much, I feel so much brighter and lighter and more hopeful this past few days, well since I found out I got the job actually. 😀



  300.  #300English Woman on November 22, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    #228 Esteemed

    I am nowhere near Glastonbury now. 🙁 I used to live near there, such a lovely part of the country. I am looking forward to more of Rori’s roadtrip pics…..yes start saving and give yourself a huge treat of a European holiday. 😀



  301.  #301English Woman on November 22, 2011 at 11:30 pm

    #230 Lili

    Thank you. 🙂



  302.  #302English Woman on November 22, 2011 at 11:33 pm

    #229 Ella

    I think it is sweet, but then I am a softie. 🙂

    I thought you only did the no gf speech after a few months of dating? Hey but what do I know, I don’t seem to “get” it like lots of you Sirens maybe because I don’t really practise as much as I get caught up in other stuff like trying to settle down somewhere in the world.

    Did you ever hear back from CD1 the one you thought may be married or something not right about him?



  303.  #303English Woman on November 22, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    #236 Aurora

    I like that story about the rings, keeping it all easy and breezy. 🙂



  304.  #304Daria on November 22, 2011 at 11:43 pm

    CD calle dand i accidentaly hung up, i feel scared to talk anyway

    nursing my wound imagining i have all the time in the world to heal this heart achyfeeling and also

    some practice in a similar situation just showed up online so yay



  305.  #305English Woman on November 22, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    #283 luzydel

    BRILLIANT!!



  306.  #306English Woman on November 22, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    #291 LIW

    Great post, looks like you have come a long way, well done and do share how you got here from there? 🙂



  307.  #307Daria on November 22, 2011 at 11:55 pm

    i got my blood woppie i o

    wopiie i o

    yay



  308.  #308English Woman on November 22, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    #236 Aurora

    This might seem strange, but I don’t really understand how you get to “get” it and others like me don’t. Is it because of practise or maybe you are a quick learner? I am very much a head person although I do have very deep feelings, but I tend to say the first thing that comes into my head very quickly (Gemini 🙂 ). If I am not here on this blog every day I forget almost everything I have learnt here, it feels like somebody needs to take a hammer and knock it in to me………………sigh for me and my silly old ways………..



  309.  #309English Woman on November 22, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    I don’t miss my blood one little bit. 😀 And sooooo much cheaper too LOL!! I have always thought that sanitary protection should be free or at least subsidised as it can be very expensive.

    Just a rambling thought…………



  310.  #310Daria on November 23, 2011 at 12:00 am

    i think its no moon nite

    i looked for the moon and didnt see her when my womb started howling at my backpack weight



  311.  #311Daria on November 23, 2011 at 12:11 am

    im getting way diff responses frmo men now when i ask for something (even ina lean forward way)

    like i remembr i used to always expect no

    but now i like text at midnite i want a massage and teh CD is like yes babe. etc etc.

    im like whoa!

    nice



  312.  #312Daria on November 23, 2011 at 12:31 am

    feelin sleepy cuz the blood flow

    ohh i feel so happy

    big hugs to me!

    and my womby womb womb



  313.  #313Femininewoman on November 23, 2011 at 12:44 am

    Kady in waiting thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like it was a difficult lesson but I feel blessed to be able to share in it with you.



  314.  #314Daria on November 23, 2011 at 1:45 am

    Daria torrential rain



  315.  #315Daria on November 23, 2011 at 1:46 am

    in the spirit of freedom and love and honoring my period i smoked a joint outside while my parents are home sleeping for the first time in my life

    i dont feel paranoid too



  316.  #316Daria on November 23, 2011 at 1:47 am

    I feel sexually DESIrous

    and yet kinda dismissive of men too

    like fuchk trying to be so careful not to blame you

    pfffttttt



  317.  #317Daria on November 23, 2011 at 1:47 am

    i feel angry



  318.  #318Daria on November 23, 2011 at 1:49 am

    i want to workout without cold feet



  319.  #319Daria on November 23, 2011 at 1:50 am

    i am magic right now

    i wnt a lover to take good care of me and my heart

    and romance me

    and help me expand my feeling of fulfillment

    being alive

    and my desires

    thank you



  320.  #320Daria on November 23, 2011 at 1:53 am

    i want to make my way to Brazil, touching in Miami, Ny,

    i want to feel alive and attractive there
    i feel so tightened up about that papi there

    umf

    i want to feel confident like phone CD does

    no fear

    yah

    go me

    thank u

    i want

    to feel stretched like after the lou exercises

    i want to feel free healthy and healed

    i want to feel safe where i live

    i want to feel safe and peaceful and ok to feel what i feel and express what i feel and feel emotionally safe and loved ans d supported

    and even nourisehd and healed



  321.  #321Daria on November 23, 2011 at 1:55 am

    yesterday i said i want gloves

    i said to papi i wasnt gonna make it happen wait for it to come to me

    and a few hours later i got the gloves wow



  322.  #322Daria on November 23, 2011 at 1:56 am

    whos super enchanted

    who was singing rapping to herself today

    ont he way



  323.  #323Butterfly Wings on November 23, 2011 at 2:16 am

    156: Lili 41 says:

    BW!

    D is 9 years OLDER than me.

    Funny…9 years either way younger or older = same results.

    ————–

    I’m just catching up on posts, and OMG to that Lili!



  324.  #324Laughing Goddess on November 23, 2011 at 2:23 am

    So the words of wisdom that I received really helped me today. I had some other encounters today that triggered some judgemental feelings in me and I was able to apply those ideas….very helpful! Thanks ladies!

    Feeling the power of letting go.

    Loving my triggers.

    Oh your so cute, LG. Look at your sorting through life. No need to get stuck in drama.

    Feels good

    I want to comment on specific posts but I must sleep. Sooo tired.

    Hugs!



  325.  #325Butterfly Wings on November 23, 2011 at 2:35 am

    193: English Woman – TH has done a great job of wining and dining me in the past. We both share a love of food and he’s taken me to some beautiful restaurants, so he has “courted” me in some ways.

    He’s a very generous man too, and he buys me gifts out of the blue, for no real reason. He even bought me concert tickets because I mentioned my daughter wanted to go. It was only said in passing and I was NOT expecting him to buy them for me! He also bought me tickets to another concert for no reason other than the fact that I had mentioned once that I’d love to go see them.

    So from the outside it looks wonderful and many of my friends are so envious. But they don’t see the other stuff – his fear of commitment for starters.

    So even if he’s really stepped up and is prepared (and happy) to offer me what I want, I still think we have some hurdles to overcome – I’m not getting too excited yet!



  326.  #326Butterfly Wings on November 23, 2011 at 2:35 am

    Congrats on your job too by the way! Yay!!!



  327.  #327Butterfly Wings on November 23, 2011 at 2:45 am

    229: Ella – I’m still catching up but if I were in that situation I’d be freaking out by now! lol

    Could that be my “stuff” causing that? Possibly. But yeah it seems very fast for buying a ring although I’ve heard of stories like that and they lived happily ever after. So ya never know! 🙂



  328.  #328LILI 41 on November 23, 2011 at 3:18 am

    I really see my fear of intimacy in my interactions now.
    I get nervous and tense, all animated.
    I need to learn how to relax.
    I’m practicing that w coworkers, especially the men. Getting all warm and cozy.

    I told D that I can see how I was being punishy when withholding s*x.
    I told him that it no longer felt good, bc it’s the only way I knew how to connect. It no longer feels good bc I’m ready to connect on another level.
    I want more than just s*x, I want to enjoy s*x in a deeply connected relationship.
    No s*x is forcing me to do that, by no s*x, I’m forced to turn the focus on my feelings and expressing them by talking instead of “doing” through s*x.
    He says he wants that too.

    I told him over the phone how I felt like I’ve been runover by a truck with the 1st day of my period.
    My legs are all achy.
    He said I’m coming over for a massage.
    He gave me the most amazing massage.
    For the 1st time, he didn’t try to make any s*xual moves on me.
    I melted into the sofa.
    He left at 10 to let me sleep.
    He told me to continue the work I was doing with myself bc he can see that I’m really getting to where I want to be.
    He says he felt rejection when I was being frozen w fear in the 1st few months of our relationship.
    He said “any man would have left, but I stayed hoping that it would come.”
    Tonight, he’ll be with his son, so we can take our time and simmer the soup.



  329.  #329LILI 41 on November 23, 2011 at 3:20 am

    I thank myself for giving myself all the triggers necessary to get me to where I want to be.



  330.  #330Aurora Girl on November 23, 2011 at 3:37 am

    307 EW

    ohh I never think I get it……it’s always a work in progress……I rely a lot on what I read and what I’ve experienced…and what others say….I just kind of keep adding it together….and I’m getting better at feeling too….I had many reasons over the earlier years not to feel……that’s getting better……I have things every day that help keep me on track…..I have my job and my 3 children that teach me to grow….I had to leave an abusive relationship in 2002 or I was going to shrivel up. I married a man who was my unfinished business from my childhood which was an emotional void as far as my parents went….roof over our head and food in the fridge was “love”…….they never once said I love you with words or a hug……I first started learning about feelings in high school with some of my closest friends who did express love……but I still got through by doing well in school….then the marriage….I almost died giving birth to my son and so did he. But we’re both still here. Then two more daughters and then a failing marriage. Then my father passed from cancer 10 years ago…..it’s been a battle to emotionally survive all this,,,,,but here I am……I’m learning to be comfortable with uncertainty……..listen to my intuition…..trust my feelings…..trust the guidance system of my heart….and be open to possibilities…….this LD I met in the summer continues to surprise me….I realize what I focus on is so important…..at 49 there are still days when I feel raw and scared and like I’m 5 again. And then I notice a little chickadee bird outside my window and I say….the universe hasn’t forgotten me……I”m going to be ok and it’s going to be a good day……

    and then I breathe my next breath. 🙂

    xo



  331.  #331Daria on November 23, 2011 at 4:03 am

    sending CD porn videos that look like “us” is leaning forward

    just cuz its sexual dosnt make it not lean forward

    remember next time you feel horny



  332.  #332Daria on November 23, 2011 at 4:06 am

    Lili – “any man would have left, but I stayed hoping that it would come.””

    not cool. (and not true). no any man would not have left. this would feel awful to me to hear “any man would have left”

    i would chalk it up to him tryna ‘impress’ me , yet personally i would still say something like, “whoa, any man would have left, that feels bad… ”

    yeah i woulda felt upset

    glad to hear about the wonderful connecting and massage for Lili other than that…

    feeling angry actualy remembering what he said

    Lili please KNOW that is NOT true

    any man would stay



  333.  #333Lizka on November 23, 2011 at 4:21 am

    I feel excited because of the snow. It’s a warm, magic and romantic feeling.

    But at the same time I feel tortured. I have my first date with FirstCD tonight. I don’t want to go. I want P to take me in his arms and tell me I don’t have to do that, that he’s there to stay…

    🙁



  334.  #334Aurora Girl on November 23, 2011 at 4:29 am

    Lizka

    Yay for the snow! and Yay for you experiencing the snow that way! I like it too…I feel magical when snow is falling too…….

    sending you good vibes for your day and what ever rolls out with P and your CD



  335.  #335Lizka on November 23, 2011 at 4:32 am

    Thank you so much Aurora for the good vibe. You have snow too over there?



  336.  #336Aurora Girl on November 23, 2011 at 4:41 am

    yes we had snow last week…but it likes to dance in and out….mostly melted now and temps around 9 degrees celcius today…..the birds love it…..it feels like spring and winter dancing it out….snow will be here to stay soon….it is Northern Ontario here after all….last night I heard an owl outside my window…..I haven’t heard one in years……..oh I love when those surprises show up!

    more good vibes for you……….I hear there’s an endless supply to be shared lol…….xo



  337.  #337Aurora Girl on November 23, 2011 at 4:54 am

    off to work for me…enjoy the day chickies….



  338.  #338Lizka on November 23, 2011 at 5:11 am

    Well if there is endless suply, good vibes for all the sirens this morning!

    It’s helping Aurora. Thank you!

    xoxo



  339.  #339Lizka on November 23, 2011 at 5:19 am

    I’m leaning foward. I can’t help myself. 🙁



  340.  #340Mochaberri on November 23, 2011 at 5:46 am

    Help! KR called yesterday asking if he could use my car for his drivers test – had I known I would not have answered my phone. He asked me if I was working today and I said I have a half day and may not be home until after 2. He stated that I was his last resort – wow! That felt bad to hear although I did not say that when I heard it – I was actually taken back. Anyway, I tried to call and when there was no answer I sent a text.

    Wanted to get your opinion if tI handled this right. The text said: Hey! I tried both phones and was checking to see if you secured a vehicle for your test or still needed me today. If you do I had a suggestion. If I don’t hear from you around 11ish I will assume you have secured a car….Good Luck!



  341.  #341Starla on November 23, 2011 at 6:41 am

    gosh, every day, CF “steps up” at least once or twice. A couple weeks ago, I was hearing from him like maybe once/twice a week.

    Rori’s tools are amazing.

    Random phone calls to see how I am, sweet wakeup calls, plans made in advance, calls to see if i have a few minutes to see him at the last minute, lots of physical affection and care, compliments. Constant compliments. Taking care of everything and paying for everything (ALL my guys did/do this but he doesn’t trigger me about it the way other men do).

    Never experienced anything quite like it. Actually, I HAVE experienced it many times, but this feels different. It feels nice and safe, and the men of the world should hate CF, as he’s set a new standard for how I should feel with my suitors.

    So tonight he’s taking me to see the everloving new twilight movie, because i wanted to take myself to see it (so as not to subject all my hater friends to it) tonight and he wanted to see me. I already had told him the 5 or 6 times he offered to go with me previously that i would feel bad subjecting people who think it’s an awful and ridiculous series to it. but he insists. so be it. yay twilight!!

    maybe he’s a closet twilight fan:P



  342.  #342Susan on November 23, 2011 at 7:00 am

    RE: 995 from the previous post: Patricia:

    I had a little trouble following what you wrote. When you said he couldn’t finish, did you mean he lost his erection? Or that he kept his erection but couldn’t ejaculate?

    The first indicates the beginning of ED and the second indicates DE (more rare.) Neither symptom points to infidelity in and of themselves.



  343.  #343Starla on November 23, 2011 at 7:05 am

    I have a few CDs that I feel weird about, so I am practicing my feeling messages with them when they hit on me and i feel turned off, uncomfortable, etc.

    i feel curious if any of them will make me feel interested/safe enough to go out with them.

    i like that theyre all interesting guys that girls would usually want to date.



  344.  #344Lizka on November 23, 2011 at 7:22 am

    Starla thank you for your story. I feel inspired this morning. Exactly what I needed this morning!

    And for your question of last night, my native language is French. I considere myself pretty good in English but I’m not use to write that much, and specially about this topic. Lot of “technical” words I have to search for.

    🙂



  345.  #345T-Girl on November 23, 2011 at 7:28 am

    Reading about maintaing eye contacr on the blog recently made me aware that I have the same issue. My guy was stroking my hair last night and looking at me so intensely that I found myself looking away after a bit. Then I thoughg what if he told me he loved me (which is what i’ve been longing to hear) that it would have really made me nervous.



  346.  #346Daria on November 23, 2011 at 8:31 am

    Mocha berry – well not quite, I guess what you did would be ‘stuffing’ and ‘making nice’. You also leaned forward offering a suggestion, and took the masculine role by telling him what to do ‘call you at 4’. These last two are no nos in the 4 rules of respecting a man.

    Sorry if this is harsh, hope it helps show the patterns here and what shifts to make.

    What you want is to share your real feelings

    ‘wow… I feel kinda taken aback’ sounds like the truth from your post.

    To



  347.  #347Tiffany on November 23, 2011 at 8:51 am

    Emerson – what you shared in 40 and 41 rang really true for me. Thank you. Hugs to you, too! 🙂



  348.  #348Lili 41 on November 23, 2011 at 8:51 am

    331:

    hi Daria,

    You know I always appreciate your comments.

    This one is your interpretation through your own filters.

    To me, this is a man that is not confident trying to prove to me that he’s special after having felt rejected by me.
    He felt rejected at a time he made me the center of his universe. I didn’t feel worthy of that so I rejected it in my own way.
    I am no longer the center of his universe, hence all my fury.
    Now that I’m discovering this in me and not blaming him…he’s trying to prove to me how special he is for having been patient while I shovel out my cr*p.

    Always remember, no one is there to purposely hurt us, they are there trying to deal w their own cr*p and triggering ours to bring it out to heal.

    I thank you Daria for your post, bc it makes me think and feel; it is strengthening my own awareness of my true self.

    And I LOVE YOU for that Siren Daria !!! XOX



  349.  #349Starla on November 23, 2011 at 9:00 am

    “he’s trying to prove to me how special he is for having been patient while I shovel out my cr*p.”

    this freaks me out too. there’s nothing BAD about it, and yes, we should take a moment to be grateful for those who show us patience in life, but it ends there. It doesn’t make him special. What makes him special is stepping up to give you the commitment you want.

    i also feel triggered because my recent ex said stuff like that to me and it escalated to “you owe me” when i was refusing to get back together with him.



  350.  #350Tiffany on November 23, 2011 at 9:08 am

    English Woman – Congrats on the new job!!

    Sorry to hear that about your fam. But I have actually found it’s very helpful to use feeling messages with women – family and friends, too. It’s good to be able to “practice” on people who don’t have a romantic bond to me, where the “stakes” don’t seem too high. I’ve also begun to notice when other people use “feeling messages” in everyday life. Like at work or with friends. FMs are just a good way to communicate, and many people seem to do it unconsciously, out of habit. I love watching how effective and gentle it is when people speak that way. I am sure you can feel how much more peaceful you felt just stating your feelings your sister, instead of getting angry or upset or making an “issue” out of it.

    go FMs!



  351.  #351Tiffany on November 23, 2011 at 9:23 am

    Hi Becky –

    Welcome to the blog! (If I missed you coming in, I apologize :))

    About your “who pays” question – I agree with what Rori and Daria said.

    But I disagree somewhat with Femininewoman (#66). Yes, if you ask someone out, you should be prepared to pay. And that’s a good reason not to ask someone out, if you would rather be paid for (and I certainly would!) But on the other hand, my rule is, if the guy OFFERS to pay, then he pays.

    For me, early on in dating, I find it is ALWAYS best if the guy pays. Even if I ask him out. And I’ve had no trouble speaking up and saying that I don’t feel comfortable if a guy asks me to split a check.

    To me, it is a good test to see where he is “at” – how much he is willing to “invest” in the relationship. If I go out on a first date, I will sometimes make a motion to offer to pay, when the check comes. But almost always, the guy will whip out his card and insist that I don’t pay a thing. Men like to GIVE. True, they don’t want their generosity to be taken advantage by “golddiggers” and such. But when they like you, then they want to pay for things. And this appeals to their masculinity and their ability to “provide.” So let him!

    If it is a casual coffee date, and you pay for yourself, it is not going to feel like much of a date. If it is a dinner date and you split the check, you will end up haggling over numbers and tips and that is just soooo unromantic. What I usually tell people, if it comes up, is that when I split the check, I usually end up feeling as if the guy is a friend, and not a romantic interest – because it’s true. In fact, once a guy has even suggested that we split the check, I usually lose interest, even if he pays in the end.

    So this is just me. In the past, I’ve offered to pay and even had guys get upset at me – like it was an insult to their manliness. So I just sit back now and let them pay away. I don’t even want to see the bill. Regardless of who has invited whom. But my rule isn’t what to do – it’s to watch him and see what he does. If he offers to pay, then he is demonstrating his level of interest in you and an intention to be caring toward you. If he doesn’t, then he is telling you that you are going to be working very HARD in the relationship, and he is not going to be very giving. Which will be frustrating.

    Sorry for the long post. I guess this is just such a common issue, and something I feel strongly about. In this “feminist” age, I have absolutely NO issues – guilt or otherwise – about letting guys pay for me. And I’m proud of it! 🙂

    But….your Thanksgiving situation sounds a bit trickier. Go with Rori’s advice. And most of all, go with your intuition.

    Hope it’s a great holiday!!!



  352.  #352Ice Princess on November 23, 2011 at 9:41 am

    LP and I have been doing really great and having lots of fun lately, but today he pocket dialed me and I could hear a woman and him talking. I really couldn’t make out what was being said but it was a friendly conversation for sure. I texted him that he must have pocket dialed me on his lunch date. I feel weird now because I thought we were moving in the right direction. I mean it could be innocent, it could be one of his clients, but I feel uncomfortable. Maybe this has come up so that i could deal with trust issues since i have been cheated on. I dont know. Any advice from you all would be great.



  353.  #353Tiffany on November 23, 2011 at 9:43 am

    My boys are so cute right now!

    And by “boys” I mean my CDs. 🙂 : K1 and K2.

    It’s amazing. They are both Indian. Both contacted me at about the same time, from the same website. And they are very similar, but different.

    I have been having long, chatty phone conversations with each, every night so far this week. (They call me – no leaning forward on my part! not even a text! :))

    K2 started telling me yesterday that he misses me. And when he talked about cooking for me, he dropped the L-word. He said he was going to cook using “all his love.” Wow. We’ve only met once so far, and he didn’t even try to kiss me at the time. It was only cooking, but still. I just love how he notices that I am sensitive and caring. That feels so good! 🙂

    He’ll be away for Thanksgiving. Which is good, because K1 has been asking me what I’m doing all weekend. We already have two dates set up, and he might want more time. tehee! I nearly fell asleep on the couch after we talked last night. I was so comfortable.

    I just love how cute these guys are being. I don’t want to have to think about ever giving one of them up. I kind of want to keep them both 😉

    I mean, I know I’m no fan of polyamory, but what about polyandry? Can I just have two or three guys who are totally devoted to me and no one else? ;p

    hm…I know I’ll have to give one of them up, eventually. I can really only be with one man, and I only want to be with one person. But still. I am loving and enjoying the positive attention. And I’ve got a few other guys hovering around as well.

    It’s making me feel better, like I am not simply a “dramatic” person. Certain people can trigger me and make me upset. And then things get dramatic. But a person who is patient and kind and deals with me on my level, in a gentle way – who waits for me and gives to me. There is no room for drama in that. It simply doesn’t happen.

    Hm. I should be getting work done and go Thanksgiving shopping.

    Toodloo!! xoxo



  354.  #354Mochaberri on November 23, 2011 at 9:47 am

    Daria – 345 – thanks for your feedback – It was very helpful!!! So let’s look at this from the perspective I was coming from and tell me what you think. My overall intention was to have him step up and be respectful to my time.

    I didn’t feel as if I was stuffing or making nice. After really thinking about his comment and sitting with the feeling – It actually felt good that he would consider me as a last resort – it allowed me to not feel taken advantage of. I get the feeling sometimes that this man feels that because we are connected that I’m obligated to do things when he needs me.

    Leaning forward by making a suggestion – I hear your point. I would have offered the suggestion I had only if he needed me to still help him out – I saw it as backleading – I asked him to call me by a certain time since I didn’t want to be waiting around for him to decided if he needed me or not.

    I’m practicing turning my attention away from him; I’m no longer watch every little thing I say to him per the tools given by RR when we want a man to turn his attention towards us and not be a doormat.

    In the end, he did call me and let me know that he may have a car to use.



  355.  #355Lilybelly on November 23, 2011 at 9:48 am

    273:

    Yes, Daria…you are pushing me away with your judgements on my post.

    And that is okay as well.

    I won’t go into trying to “explain” my post because quite honestly, it wouldn’t matter. The judgements have been made on what I “said” and that’s all there is.



  356.  #356Ice Princess on November 23, 2011 at 9:51 am

    Oh man! I am learning for sure. He called me and it was a client at his office. I feel dumb. I apologized to him and he seemed to have accepted graciously. Oopsy!



  357.  #357Wants To Be Hopeful on November 23, 2011 at 10:17 am

    I have been practicing Rori’s techniques for about a month, and have seen great changes in myself and in my husband. Despite the improvements, I don’t feel “loved” yet. I am very happy to see the changes, but the sadness from years of pain take a while to go away. And I have been saying “I don’t feel like it”, when he wants physical intimacy. Is that okay? Any thoughts?

    Does anyone have any tips for speeches or feeling messages to men who drink? I especially don’t like physically intimacy when he has been drinking. I would like to tell him that but I am afraid to bring it up. He gets mad when I bring up his drinking. Any one have suggestions?

    Thanks.



  358.  #358Femininewoman on November 23, 2011 at 10:18 am

    IP it seems to me that if you just indicated that he pocket dialed you I am not sure what you were apologizing about. If you felt insecure about him being with the woman and shared that, that is what Gay Hendricks calls telling the microscopic truth and the experience is that it usually brings two people closer together. If there were no accusations or criticisms I can’t see any reason for feeling dumb or any guilt. You were just sharing. You can look at your relationship as a learning space and co-commit to each other to learn as much about each other and yourselves as much as possible.



  359.  #359Femininewoman on November 23, 2011 at 10:23 am

    Hi Wants to be Hopeful

    I am wondering if saying I feel physically turned off by the smell or alcohol or I feel scared that I am feeling the real you when alcohol is involved might help, or something to that effect. Why not try writing some feeling messages that people could help you tweak?

    I remember how I used to feel really loved and close to you and I want to experience you making love to me without the influence of alcohol again.
    Sharing exactly how you are feeling can create the breakthrough you might be looking for.



  360.  #360Femininewoman on November 23, 2011 at 10:30 am

    TGirl I was just listening to CCarter’s interview with Gay Hendricks. Hendricks was saying he encourages couples to hold hands and look into each others eyes for a few minutes without saying anything at all. It is a technique he recommends to synchronize and experience each other as friends after an argument. However, I have experienced it also during a particular self improvement seminar where we did it with a partner. We did not hold hands just looked into each others eyes. I was amazed when I experienced other people around me breaking down into tears. I felt totally uncomfortable doing it with a stranger and what I noticed happening to me was that later I could touch a person and feel what they were feeling inside before they told me. That was the next exercise to touch someone and tell them what you were saying to yourself; such as I am afraid or I am not good enough. I was able to tell people what was inside them before they opened their mouths. I felt really awed by the experience.



  361.  #361Lili 41 on November 23, 2011 at 10:33 am

    I am dang HAPPY today!!!! 😀

    I feel 50 pounds lighter after shovelling all those ugly heavy hurts out of my system since I’ve been w Rori.

    I’m all happy and perky today after having been so depressed and withdrawn for the whole year.

    When I walked in to work this morning, a man went out of his way to open the door for me, and I wasn’t even carrying anything.
    I said to him jokingly: “I don’t need the help, but I will leave you the honour of doing that for me and be grateful.”
    He chuckled gushingly.



  362.  #362Femininewoman on November 23, 2011 at 10:35 am

    Mochaberry what struck me about your story is that he asked you for his car and you seemed to have translated it into him wanting you (obligated to do things for him when he needs me), when you got back to him. I took him saying you are his last resort as suggesting he explored other options because he was hesitant to lean on you for help. In his mind this might not be masculine. As he had no other options he last came to you because he did not want to bother you.



  363.  #363Femininewoman on November 23, 2011 at 10:41 am

    LILI41 I don’t mean to criticize here just to point out how our thermostat for receiving love can play into our unconscious. Saying I don’t need your help is something I would try to change if I were you to reprogram my unconscious. It could interpreted as a negative message from an independent woman if a man is insecure. Flipping to saying thank you sends appreciation immediately. I would also experiment with “I just love chivalry”. I have started practicing it at work. It helps me to stay conscious of receiving and it helps to change my old patterns of communication. My intention is to reprogram the neutral pathways in my brain so I can allow in as much love as possible rather than deflecting it.



  364.  #364Ice Princess on November 23, 2011 at 11:00 am

    357 FW,

    Thanks for your feedback. I feel good now. 🙂



  365.  #365Susan on November 23, 2011 at 11:30 am

    RE: 134: Butterfly Wings says:

    “He said he really needed somebody tonight and I wasn’t there. But I didn’t even KNOW what was going on with him till I was on my way home, so how would I have known he was in need of support????”

    What I noticed here is that he didn’t say he needed you… just that he needed ‘somebody.’ His attitude seems to be that women are generic – that one can easily replace another.



  366.  #366luzydel on November 23, 2011 at 11:31 am

    I don’t want to feel like I feel…I feel this false hope that “s” will call me and say heis sorry, just because I am leaninng back and not contacting him. In reality he may not do that and propably is not even thinking about me. I have to be patient with my feeliings. I need to heal and move on an be happy and hopeful. What I am doing is for me not to get someone back…



  367.  #367Mochaberri on November 23, 2011 at 11:33 am

    FW – 361 – Mochaberry what struck me about your story is that he asked you for his car and you seemed to have translated it into him wanting you (obligated to do things for him when he needs me), when you got back to him. I took him saying you are his last resort as suggesting he explored other options because he was hesitant to lean on you for help. In his mind this might not be masculine. As he had no other options he last came to you because he did not want to bother you.

    Thank you for sharing. I must admit that I may have made it seem as if he cannot lean on me but the factof the matter is that if he was taking his test on a normal work day he would have had to make other arrangements. At this current time we are not where we used to be in our relationship where I would have been available to him for whatever. Whics is why I stated that it seems to me at times he feels that because of our connection I am supposed to be available when he needs or wants something. As far as not bothering me, I don’t know if that’s how I felt it came across – Iif you rmember me posting in the last posts that I had not talked to him in a week and we had not seen each phsyically in two weeks. He saw my car in my driveway on Monday – I didn’t go to work – and we got together that day so it was ironic that after seeing each other on Monday – now you want to use my car for your road test.

    Let me add that he always make reference to driving my car and I have let him do so on occasion. When we were together Monday stated that he doesn’t know why I won’t let him drive and I said because you aren’t really nice to me – we aren’t in the best place – and his response was what does that have to do with anything. My feelings are that at one point I would do anything for this man.Hell, if it was a normal workday I would have taken a half day jsut to be there for him – but since we are going through what we are going through – I have to lean back and not over function which he has become accustomed to.
    Not sure if you are saying that he didn’t take my statment as masculine or that it wasn’t masculine for him to depend on me.

    He just called and asked if I came down to the testing center and I said no because he was supposed to call me back and let me know for sure



  368.  #368Daria on November 23, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    Lilybelly – that feels weird and i feel defensive and confused and kinda mad



  369.  #369Daria on November 23, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    also I feel sad



  370.  #370Daria on November 23, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    and mostly numb



  371.  #371Daria on November 23, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    my practice today will be telling men i have my period

    i used to easily do this and then decided to stop and make it more ‘mysterious’

    now im like its mysterious enough, i want to feel comfortable sharing im on it and heal my fear that they will reject me or treat me less well



  372.  #372English Woman on November 23, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    Daria why can’t you be on your period and still be with a man? Some men and you might even like it. 😀 It is nothing to be ashamed of, just another part of who we are as women.



  373.  #373Daria on November 23, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    i finally picked up for the other night’s CD and he sounds, i dono not the same

    almost like he’s depressed or something

    im feeling more and more bored and turned off

    and still sad



  374.  #374tinque on November 23, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    Femininewoman – #359, love hearing your experience. I feel moved by it.

    xxoo Dominique



  375.  #375Daria on November 23, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    my mom was all sad and confused looking and was all getting nosy in my business while i was on the phone and stuff

    it didnt really upset me but i feel kinda uncomfortable that she seems sad

    i heard her and dad arguing this morning and ti felt bad

    blah

    i am choosing to believe everything is healing anyway

    even tho i feel kinda sad and bent over right now



  376.  #376tinque on November 23, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    Daria – Yes what English Woman said is true. Some men are even turned on by it, but certainly most men don’t care at all. Many women are more easily orgasmic at this time too. Sure it can be a bit messy. Oh well. That’s what towels are for.

    xxoo Dominique



  377.  #377femmystique on November 23, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    I do not support the need for sirens to post their personal perferences around ingesting certain illegal substances. I remember not too long ago Rori was blocking all posts that mentioned this.

    I am here to support those working Rori’s tools and offer support to those going through the things they need to in order to be happy, find love, and live their Happyily Ever After.

    If sirens put their controversial disclosures out there, then become offended and state they are being judged for their lifestyle choices are missing the point of being free to be here and be themselves, IMHO.

    I do not support use or legalization of cann*bis or any other substances, but that is MY choice and I don’t impose it on others. I prefer to treat my body as a temple of purity, and that is me. I do not want to know if others smoke or use in private. But this is not a private forum, it is a two way street.

    I honour Rori and her wonderful work, and this blog is a testament to that great lady.



  378.  #378Rori Raye on November 23, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Jesse – Welcome and FIRST STEP is ALWAYS to STOP punishing yourself! When you catch yourself beating up on yourself – love the feelings and your actions and the voices screaming at you inside your head – all of it – instead! Love starts with you loving you – no matter what! Love, Rori



  379.  #379Lizka on November 23, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    I feel stressed OMG. First date with FirstCD in 3, 2, 1 GO!!!



  380.  #380T-Girl on November 23, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    360 FW, sounds like a wonderful yet scary experience you had at that seminar. I just listened to a recording that Jonathan Aslay made about how he and his girlfriend had a fight and he emotionally shut down. She stopped, looked him in the eyes and started taking deep breaths until he started taking deep breaths too and then they were both calm enough to solve their argument and feel closer too. Powerful yet scary stuff.

    When I gaze into my guys eyes with love, he says “what are you thinking”. When he gazes at me it makes me nervous because I do see love in his eyes even though he hasn’t spoken it. I want that love yet at the same time it makes me nervous.



  381.  #381Starla on November 23, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    377 femm – i respect your personal beliefs, but I’m not going to stop talking about my use of cannabis if it’s okay for someone to talk about relaxing with a glass of wine, which is a DEADLY substance. Not one person in the history of humanity has ever died of an mj overdose. Not one. It is far safer than alcohol. I’m not going to censor myself just to accommodate the fact that you’ve been tricked into being comfortable with people talking about using a harmful substance (alcohol) but not one that is not associated with sexual assault, violence, illness, and death (mj) like alcohol is.

    we also talk about beliefs here. beliefs around sex, around receiving, around giving, around worthiness, around lots of things. changing our beliefs and perspectives and triggers is a huge part of the work here. If mj happens to be at the center of a belief in this work of changing how we relate to our triggers, then so be it.

    And if you don’t like that I’m bringing this up, just think – you brought it up saying you don’t want it brought up:P



  382.  #382Starla on November 23, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    AND you tacked on your opinion about not supporting legalization.

    so it goes.



  383.  #383tenny on November 23, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Hi Sirens:

    I have a question. One of my CD’s said to me “You know, you can call me sometime. When a woman calls a man it shows interest.” I gave the speech about feeling old fashioned and this was his reply. I pointed out that I do text him from time to time. What do you think?



  384.  #384Daria on November 23, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    Thanks English Woman and Dominique –

    I have had sex on my period before, it was with NY guy. i feel all hung up on him sometimes, i wonder if it made a deeper connection



  385.  #385Starla on November 23, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    “If sirens put their controversial disclosures out there, then become offended and state they are being judged for their lifestyle choices are missing the point of being free to be here and be themselves, IMHO.”

    offended is a triggered feeling. i feel perfectly comfortable with anyone processing triggers here.

    and i’d invite you to talk about how you’re feeling about the whole issue, since you’re obviously feeling defensive and triggered by it. We already got your thoughts on it. I wonder how you FEEL?

    I am feeling the need to save the world right now, and feeling surprised, because I was just boasting yesterday how I didn’t need to feel that way.

    Yet, I know the truth about cannabis, and I don’t want to let people go on thinking that it is any worse than alcohol.

    I am feeling confrontational. that feels like heat in my face and my heart feels like it’s beating harder than usual.

    i am feeling ashamed of myself. i feel hypocritical to condemn another’s “thinky” words with my own “thinky” words.

    I wish I had just said “I feel really strongly about mj being far safer than alcohol, here is my email address if you’d like to discuss it..i’d love to hear where you’re coming from!”

    Sorry, Femmystique!! I didn’t mean to come at you so intensely.

    I feel so passionately about this issue.



  386.  #386Daria on November 23, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    Im feelin better.

    jut a lil slow and mellow



  387.  #387mali on November 23, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    @Tenny

    What feels comfortable for you? If you want him to call you, you simply say, “I feel more comfortable with men calling me”. That’s it. That’s how you feel, and that’s you setting your boundary. Not everyone will understand it, not everyone will like it, but if a person cares enough, they will step up.



  388.  #388Daria on November 23, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    I <3 starla



  389.  #389Daria on November 23, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    for me i feel awed and vulnerable and grateful to be able to ‘show myself’ and trust that i will be ok

    that its ok to be authentically me

    and heal the fear that something horrible will happen to me

    and also babystep to not feeling ashamed

    for being msyelf and not being what other people might think i shoudl be

    it feels scary

    i feel kinda unworthy

    and thats ok

    its still ok to be me

    i love me



  390.  #390tenny on November 23, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    @ Malia:

    Thanks. Needed feedback seriously 🙂
    I DO feel more comfortable with men calling me. It’s the new way for me to handle my new life style (CDing, using tools, etc.) I felt challenged when he made his statement – and it was the first time anyone ever challenged me on the topic. Thanks for reminding me about boundaries. Will stay true to me and let HIM adjust 🙂



  391.  #391Daria on November 23, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    i called a man and told him i want to be pampered and that im on my period



  392.  #392tenny on November 23, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    @ Starla:

    I’m so loving your statement “that feels like heat in my face and my heart feels like it’s beating harder than usual.” I felt that when I read it!!



  393.  #393tenny on November 23, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    @ Daria:

    Wow, I’d love to be on that level at some point!! 🙂



  394.  #394Femininewoman on November 23, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    tenny my opinion is that you are not keeping score. Your boundaries are your rules for yourself about how you want to behave. It has nothing to do with him. If that is the way you choose to behave and he does not want to deal with your boundaries for yourself then he will step away on his own. He is responsible for his own behavior and you are responsible for yours.



  395.  #395tenny on November 23, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    I’m still a new siren . . . grasping those feelings and still trying to form the words to express them. Each day is a new adventure in siren vocabulary!



  396.  #396Femininewoman on November 23, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    T-Girl I just read someone’s feedback in a letter to Rori where she says her guy was the classic commitment phone and it took him a whole year to say those words. He had previously said to her that you know how I feel about you, I don’t have to say those three silly words.



  397.  #397Butterfly wings on November 23, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    I’m going to speak up here and then I’ll drop it

    I had a VERY BAD personal experience with mj over 20 years ago, and I hope none of my children ever touch it. Ever.

    I also have several (former) friends who started smoking not long before my bad experience, and sadly they’re just so doped out all the time that I cannot hold an intelligent conversation with them anymore.

    So if I meet a guy who smokes it, then it’s a dealbreaker for me. But that’s just my opinion based on my personal experiences.

    Each to their own unless they’re hurting others, which my ex did – the pot became much more important than me, his family and his future. He moved on to become a drug dealer too – I’m glad I was long gone before then and before he was arrested…

    So if it’s something you choose to do, please be sure you’re not hurting anybody else. I’m an ex smoker and I speak from experience that breathing smoke of any type into your lungs can’t be healthy either so please don’t let it affect your health – your body is a temple and a guy appreciates a girl who looks after herself!



  398.  #398tenny on November 23, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    @Femininewoman:

    I agree. And that is exactly why I feel better with men calling me. I’m not keeping track of anything or anyone, just experiencing each moment and each call. To have to call a man is taking me out of meadow and away from my play! But I was rattled by the confrontation. My first time experiencing anything like that since I’ve been CDing (and I just started a week ago 🙂 ). The old approach would be to say “okay, I’ll call you then” (total doormat in the pre-siren days). I prefer to have men call me because it feels right. I feel very glad you sirens are on line this evening 🙂 Feeling blessed with the insight



  399.  #399Femininewoman on November 23, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    Mochaberry I agree that one has to take care of themselves. Never give to the point of resentment. I also find that sometimes some guys push our boundaries to see how much they can get away with.



  400.  #400Femininewoman on November 23, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    tenny I might not have stated clearly. It seemed to me that he was keeping score, in his statement



  401.  #401Femininewoman on November 23, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    RE 397 BW I am from a place where it is widely used and I also have personal experience of its deliterious effects. But everyone is responsible for their own life so I refrain from being affected by their rhythms.



  402.  #402tenny on November 23, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    @ Femininewoman:

    Ohhhhh, you know, I didn’t even think of that! Even more of a reason to stick to what feels right for me!! LOL, I think that just triggered me 😀 I have to go over my feelings about it now. You just shed a whole different light on the conversation.



  403.  #403Butterfly wings on November 23, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    FW – fair enough!

    My personal experience was just awful and the most scared I’ve ever been for my life (I’d hardly had any too). I will never touch it again.

    But yes, I think for the most part it all depends on the responsibility of the individual. And how much it takes over their life – like alcohol and other substances too. They can be just as problematic when consumed in excess.

    🙂 xxx



  404.  #404Daria on November 23, 2011 at 4:50 pm

    For me, smoking marijuana usually feels healthy and spiritual

    Smoking an herb called “mullein” has also felt really good for my lungs before. It expanded my breathing capacity instantly .

    Smoking catnip – just a puff – i read that is a great way to relieve period cramps

    smoking tabacco feels good too, but smoking tobacco everyday does not for me personally, my throat starts feeling irritated



  405.  #405Daria on November 23, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    when i read “they’re just so doped out all the time that I cannot hold an intelligent conversation with them anymore.”

    i feel judgemental and scared. i wonder what’s really going on

    same for reading about the husbands who stopped paying attention “due” to pot smoking.

    i feel all tight like in my chest and aroudn my solar plexus area

    it feels like a big blanket of helpless hopeless laying on me

    of dont bother showing who you are

    you will not be seen anyway

    i feel scared cuz to me this triggers me to like ‘the public’ opinion, that will very much send you to jail

    ie take away your freedom

    ie basically be passively violent with you

    ie with me

    wow i feel mad

    im so full of judgmetns they want to go out

    i will write them and erase them

    now i don’t feel like writing them anymore

    why bother

    theres no way to win

    i love my hopelessness



  406.  #406Butterfly wings on November 23, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    Awww Daria. That was my experience and how I perceived it.

    You could find yourself in exactly the same situation and perceive it totally differently.

    It doesn’t make me right or you wrong. Just different.

    That’s why I love this world we live in! So many different experiences, purely based on our perceptions! Awesome stuff! xxx



  407.  #407Daria on November 23, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    one time my friend smoked the first time and thought he was having a heart attack. happened to my parents’ friend too. and other people i know

    of course they weren’t really having a heartattack though

    Daria

    Daria

    Daria
    Daria

    come back to your life

    its ok

    i feel sad

    i feel judged

    i feel unsafe

    sigh

    if i dont speak out now, theyll continue believing waht they do and causing harm to come to other people including me

    and if i do speak out now

    then what

    theres a chance for change

    ok

    well my guess is that it was the jdugemental and view differences that caused the break with teh friends

    and that it was other issues that created such a disconnect with a husband

    and maybe marijuana became a chosen stress reliever

    like if someone said to me, my husband started smoking too much pot and nto paying attention to me… this has happened

    i would instantly think hmmm….

    i wonder what ACTUALLY is going on

    cuz that doesnt make sense

    maybe it was just about judging the person and nagging them about it

    like for me my not beign open about smkoing weed is causing me to feel not so safe with my family

    but its the not being open, not the actual smoking weed that is the issue

    hmmm

    i feel hate for people who are so ignorant and judgemental

    that means i feel hate for myself for being judgemental

    i love my hate

    i love myself

    i love my judgementalness

    i wish i didn’t but those people scare me

    cuz they will lock you up over their beliefs

    you can’t trust them

    they are so convinced they are right they will sacrifice your freedom and life

    i hate that the world is this way

    i hate that i am this way

    i

    CANNOT

    trust them

    idon’t knwo how to open my heart

    i hate them

    ugh

    mami i hate them

    weridly enough this is so onvoluted

    i wish i could wave my wand and make them disappear

    and prisons too

    i love my quiet judgemental eye rolling silence

    i wonder how starla responds to those kinda anecdotes



  408.  #408Daria on November 23, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    aww BW

    i feel unsafe and like i am in danger being who i am and having others believe who i am is harmful/wrong/ok to be violent/coercive toward me

    i hate it

    sigh

    i feel totally helpless and sad

    totally totally everyone has their own experiences and perceptions

    i don’t want to feel scared for my freedom though

    i will feel so excited when that is healed for me



  409.  #409Daria on November 23, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    i am so full of judgements. i want it to stop.

    i just feel sad.

    i feel helpless.

    im going to get picked up by a CD and go and smoke lots of pot and get a massage and be pampered.

    and maybe sip a beer, or maybe not

    and i might have him paint my toenails

    dear blood time, i would like to heal my fear of being coerced and losing my freedom



  410.  #410Ella on November 23, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Wants to be hopeful.

    Re 357.

    You could look into the CRAFT method, depending on how severe the problem is…

    They have some useful tools for communicating with a drinker anyway.

    xoxoxo



  411.  #411Daria on November 23, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    i dont even want to talk about that

    i want to talk about how im feeling

    mellow

    vulnerable

    a lil mopy

    oh i forgot all anout that one CD

    yay

    well tonite i leaned forward adn created a papmper nite for myself

    and i have a set date with a guy tonite at 10 45 and i dont want to go

    so when i go with my created date i will call and cancel

    cuz i want to rest and relax

    pampernoodles



  412.  #412Butterfly wings on November 23, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    Daria. I don’t judge you. Your choices are not choices I would make because as I said, we all have our own perceptions.

    I temporarily turn to cigarettes when I’m feeling highly stressed. It’s not helping my health but at the time I don’t care. And I’m sure I’m judged for doing that.

    But I NEVER smoke around my children. In fact, they’ve never even seen me smoke! I suppose that’s because I do judge women who take a child’s choice to smoke or not away from them by forcing them to inhale their passive smoke.



  413.  #413Ella on November 23, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    Hmm, wondering why this theme of dr8gs and alcohol has popped back up on the blog today.

    I wonder what is showing up to be healed.

    That we all have different opinions on this and what is acceptable and what isn’t and that none of it matters anyway because we are all coming from a place of love???

    Hmm, I don’t know.

    And I feel curious.



  414.  #414Butterfly wings on November 23, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Here’s another story about perceptions.

    The married woman here at work (she had the affair and is having marriage troubles) can’t get why I refuse to ask TH to lunch or dinner.

    She feels I’m giving him all my power by letting him choose the time and the place etc. I just replied to her, giving her examples of times that show I’m in fact the one with the power.

    In her marriage I detect she’s in masculine energy a lot. And she butts heads with her husband a lot too.

    I’ve told her about the Ebook ect and how I know it could help her but she’s not interested. Oh well…



  415.  #415Butterfly wings on November 23, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    I’m in total lean back mode right now and I love it!

    I don’t care if TH comes over or not (he did last night and it was really nice) and I’m waiting for him to reschedule our date because I had to say no to Saturday. He knows my calendar is free next week do it’s up to him to book me in before somebody else does!



  416.  #416Butterfly wings on November 23, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    Lili – D sounds so much like TH and every time you talk about him I see another similarity.

    He definitely sounds like he’s hurting too and he’s also sounding very supportive of you and your healing.

    If you feel good about what’s happening now then maybe things will work out. Time will tell I suppose.



  417.  #417Butterfly wings on November 23, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    I’m sooooo tired and wished I liked coffee. But I hate the taste! Only lunch time and still 5 hours of work left… :-/



  418.  #418Starla on November 23, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    🙂 I live in a very pot-friendly state, got straight A’s in college, have a professional career i’m successful at, am open with my bosses about my mj use, and i know 20,000+ people just like me.

    Because, to be fair and fully disclose everything, i was a director at and am still actively involved in a pro-pot organization.

    we (the organization and voters) actually decriminalized pot in my city in 2005.

    I proposed a ballot initiative last year for full legalization. you can go to the secretary of state’s website and find it.

    they’re pursuing it NEXT year now. we’ve got nearly enough signatures gathered to put it on the ballot.

    watch for us:)

    that is the last i’ll say, unless anyone addresses me directly.

    gosh, i probably just outed myself personally to some local posters that didn’t know me already.

    oh well.



  419.  #419T-Girl on November 23, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    414 BW, I have found that my married friends don’t “get” the masculine/feminine energy thing. In fact, they all think I’m nuts and and told me that I read too many books. 🙂

    Don’t know why it is such a hard sell because the whole masculine/feminine dynamic makes perfect sense to me now. Oh well, at least I’m enjoying the fruits and rewards of my new knowledge.



  420.  #420T-Girl on November 23, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    I would like to wish my fellow US sirens a Happy Thanksgiving! I will be spending the day with my daughter and my guy and his MASSIVE family (he is the youngest of 7). There will be about 30 of his family members there. Wish me luck.



  421.  #421Starla on November 23, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    i feel drained talking about that topic.

    the job in general felt draining

    so i left

    and then i discovered i felt drained anyway

    then i learned how to feel peaceful inside, no mattter what my work is.



  422.  #422Starla on November 23, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    i am feeling really possessive over my personal space…i had plans to meet up with cf at 9 but i just left a message sseeing about meeting later so i can relax alone. that would feel so much better and it would feel so good to relax and go about the rest of my night feeling easy breezy.

    just got back from a long work day immediately followed by lunch with my friend and her adorable kid. feeling compressed by people and conversation and having to entertain.



  423.  #423Butterfly wings on November 23, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    T-Girl – it was my lack of the masculine/ feminine knowledge that probably caused both my marriages to end do I hear you!

    Look at the divorce rate – it says it all!

    People have a LOT of trouble believing that it takes two to cause a marriage breakdown.

    My ex cheated but I know I partly contributed to that. I was always the boy – he didn’t ever get to be the boy – until he started his affair… That’s cos I never let him be the boy!



  424.  #424Butterfly wings on November 23, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    Darn. Autocorrect keeps changing “so” to “do”! Argh!



  425.  #425Butterfly wings on November 23, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    I know when I went wrong with TH. It was day 1!

    He told me he didn’t want a relationship and we could only be friends. I agreed, saying that my marriage had only just ended and I didn’t want a relationship either.

    So I broke one of the most important rules: NEVER accept FWB!!!

    TH never promised me more than that. But once I fell for him I wanted more. MUCH more!! And that of course freaked him out because I had agreed to FWB!

    Given my time again I would have expressed what I wanted, would have gotten right into CDing, and then I would have leaned back.

    But I didn’t. I stayed exclusive with him, I turned down many date offers and waited around for him to realise how great I was. And I got angry and upset with him when he didn’t.

    I’ve come a long way from there and when I think about it I realise that TH has stepped up more over the last several months than I give him credit for!

    I also see how much he’s done for me and how often he comes over to spend time with me. He is practically living at my house. And he pays his way too, so it’s not like he’s there to save money….

    So tonight I’m going to make it my mission to be grateful for and to look for every good aspect of this man I love!



  426.  #426Emerson on November 23, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    Well this week has been rough..I’ve been feeling so happy about my job and some things that have come about with that…but feeling sad about my ability to have a successful relationship. 🙁
    I have been trying to focus on what I want and picture it…I even have been fantasizign about my (gasp) wedding that I will have one day in the future!!!



  427.  #427Emerson on November 23, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    BW I sort of did the same thing with Recycled…
    when we met I was so numb and in pain from my breakup with my ex…he was all over me and very very persistent…I welcomed his attention…it helped ease the pain and agony…I broke the FWB rule too…normally that is so not my style….

    But…at that time…I didn’t really care about myself enough to put parameters around the situation….

    I just took the attention from him (i.e. scraps) one moment / day / night at a time to just get thru life and want to get thru another day…
    at that time I was very depressed



  428.  #428Femininewoman on November 23, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    I am re-reading on of Rori’s email and this popped out at me:-

    The only thing to do to inspire a man to want to commit to you is to work on yourself — from the inside out and from the outside in.

    You’ll learn how to deal with ANGER and resentment and pain, and in Chapter 12 (the book) how to recapture the appreciation you used to feel about your man.



  429.  #429Femininewoman on November 23, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    Emerson I made my vision board just this week. It included pictures from a wedding book. Every time I look at the bouquet of roses a bride is holding and the picture of the man carrying his bride I feel my heart singing and I saw aaawww and sink into the blissful feelings.



  430.  #430Emerson on November 23, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    429 FW awww…love it!!
    I feel inspired to make a new vision board!!!



  431.  #431Emerson on November 23, 2011 at 9:03 pm


  432.  #432Emerson on November 23, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    420 thanks TGirl 🙂



  433.  #433Butterfly wings on November 23, 2011 at 9:24 pm

    Emerson – I think we all tend to accept what’s not good for us when we’re in a bad place. Thankfully you and I can see we’re worthy of so much more – that’s the first step!

    The next step is to attract what we want. Vision boards are so much fun! Thanks FW!

    My gf gave me a cork board to use as a vision board recently and I’m yet to use it. I feel inspired!



  434.  #434tenny on November 23, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    I am accepting the backward thoughts and feeling the lowest feelings, And I am embracing myself, loving these weak and needy parts of my soul, and I spread my hands and arms upwards and feel the power and strength within me and the mixture of strong and weak, fulfilled and empty make up the whole of me, and I am beautiful.



  435.  #435tenny on November 23, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    @ TGirl (419) I’ve been running into the same conversation. No one gets the feminine energy/masculine energy theory. I felt awkward until I read your post, now I know it’s them, not me 🙂



  436.  #436tenny on November 23, 2011 at 10:41 pm

    Um, what is a vision board? 🙂



  437.  #437English Woman on November 23, 2011 at 11:15 pm

    #350 Tiffany

    Yes you are so right, I did feel a heap better about it than I normally would. Instead of getting upset or stuffing down my feelings which would be usual with my “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine” attitude, I actually said that I was sad that they never thought to ask me. And it is calm and I feel better in myself for having expressed how I felt, so it’s all good. 🙂

    And thanks for the good wishes on the job, I am feeling sooo much lighter these days now I have dropped the burden of my awful job and my damp flat. 😀



  438.  #438English Woman on November 23, 2011 at 11:19 pm

    #330 Aurora

    Wow your childhood and marriage sound so much like mine, maybe there is hope for me after all. 😀

    I am so happy for you that things with LD are blossoming, are you CD’ing other men, just curious?



  439.  #439English Woman on November 23, 2011 at 11:33 pm

    I have no personal views on p*t of any strong kind, each to their own, live and let live and all that, it is none of my business what adults do in their own lives unless they get behind the wheel of a car whilst high (or drunk or drugged up), personally I smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol, but then I am over the age of 18. 😀 (It’s 18 here not 21)

    However introducing children to any form of drug is a no no, some things are for adults only, you wouldn’t introduce a child to pornography. But if you as an adult want to watch porn that’s your own business…………



  440.  #440English Woman on November 23, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    Happy Thanksgiving Day to all my American friends on here, hope you all have a wonderful day with friends and family and mostly with your CD of choice. 😀



  441.  #441English Woman on November 23, 2011 at 11:43 pm

    #342 Susan

    I can figure out what ED is but I can’t for the life of me figure out DE, I did a google search but it just gives out lots of sites in German. 😳



  442.  #442Femininewoman on November 24, 2011 at 1:08 am

    tenny a vision board is basically something you make up with pictures of what you want/see in your future. Choose pictures/words that make you feel happy and blissful so you can feel the feelings in your body and focus on what you will feel like when you have them.



  443.  #443Femininewoman on November 24, 2011 at 1:09 am

    Thanks and happy thanksgiving from my family to your family too.



  444.  #444Butterfly Wings on November 24, 2011 at 1:35 am

    Happy Thanksgiving everybody! I so wish it was officially celebrated here! 🙂



  445.  #445mali on November 24, 2011 at 1:45 am

    @390: It’s Mali.
    And you’re welcome! I’m glad… I found it difficult in setting my boundaries at one stage, but it’s now quite fun to do so and see if men step up!



  446.  #446Butterfly Wings on November 24, 2011 at 1:51 am

    I was listening to Commitment Blueprint on my way home from work today and a few things came to mind about a man’s timeline and what his looks like compared to ours.

    I remembered when I was introduced to his sister and her family, and I thought it was a bit of a big deal. But he kept saying “don’t get any ideas that this means anything!”. And guess what? To a man, introducing you to his family DOES NOT mean anything!

    Here he was telling me this all along, but I chose to see every little thing he did as a move in the right direction! But we weren’t really moving anywhere.

    He wasn’t promising me anything but I chose to see things differently. And when he fell short of my expectations, he paid with an emotional outburst from me. Wow…….

    I feel so light and happy that I’m seeing this so clearly now!! I’m growing and learning every single day! 🙂



  447.  #447Femininewoman on November 24, 2011 at 4:21 am

    BW are you on your bridge?



  448.  #448Femininewoman on November 24, 2011 at 4:27 am

    I was able to see that my “falling in love” was just an old, triggered feeling that felt good – but that it wasn’t going to work in the long term. I was simply able to put my long term desires FIRST – and that gave me a perspective on everything.

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/2008/



  449.  #449Femininewoman on November 24, 2011 at 4:39 am

    “This doesn’t give what we often think is a desirable “Ice Princess” effect (an Ice Princess has got that “Diva, Bitch, Babe” vibe that says she’ll put herself first no matter what – and that IS attractive to many men).”
    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/look-confident-even-when-youre-confused/



  450.  #450Femininewoman on November 24, 2011 at 4:49 am

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/are-you-in-an-imaginary-relationship/

    You are in an Imaginary Relationship. This means you think you’re in a Real Relationship, even though he said to you, clearly – “We are not in a relationship,” and has pictures of other women everywhere and none of you. You are in complete denial of your situation.
    Please do this for me: Wrap your arms around yourself, give yourself a huge hug (I’m hugging you from here…) and then jump up and down to shake the cobwebs out of your head.
    Say out loud, as though he’s in front of you: ” Now I hear you. We are just dating. I’m not committed, I should be dating other men. Now I see. I’m free, as are you.”
    Then, right now, this minute, go to your closet, pick out some clothes for the week where you change all your colors to pinks and lavenders and baby blues, change everything to soft fabrics that make you feel soft and sexy, then change your hair a bit with some color streaks or a color rinse, and go out and flirt with men.
    You cannot bring him close to you by WANTING him more. You can not excite him, attract him, or make him WANT YOU more by pressing him.
    Even THINKING about him makes your “vibe” seem needy, clingy and desperate to him. This is simply not attractive to him – and it makes your self-esteem take a nose-dive.
    Take your focus OFF of him, and do this:



  451.  #451Daria on November 24, 2011 at 5:05 am

    mmm i got pampered

    (after teh first CD i asked flaked on me in a HORRIBLE feeling way)

    i got pampered by my neighbor anyway

    got my head and feet rubbed till i fell asleep

    and got fed



  452.  #452Daria on November 24, 2011 at 5:08 am

    and i made up a new tool for me the telephone tool

    its to get myself int he mindframe that what im doing right now is the coolest thing i can be and just as cool as oyher peaple

    so i dont have to yearn to do something different

    im actually VERY cool right now

    so cool, that i could pick up a phone, and call obama, or girls dancing at the club, right now, and be like yo, and we’d be on the same vibe of living life to the coolest



  453.  #453Daria on November 24, 2011 at 5:09 am

    it makes me feel connected and ‘included’ and important

    and more loved

    it soothes the yearning

    babysteps



  454.  #454Mochaberri on November 24, 2011 at 5:15 am

    @FW – 399 – yes exactly! And I know that this seems to be a constant exchange of pushing each other’s buttons between us. As I begin to realize this – I find myself distancing myself more and more – by leaning back. What I’m starting to see is that as I continue to practice that he shows up but I get the feeling it’s when it’s convienent for him. I’m struggling with that.

    I feel more empowered as I begin to notice these things and make choices that are positive; it’s just nerve wrecking when I get pulled of my bridge.



  455.  #455Mochaberri on November 24, 2011 at 5:16 am

    Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!!!!!!



  456.  #456Daria on November 24, 2011 at 5:18 am

    I’d feel open to date you if you want to worship me.

    I don’t want to be put down, criticized or blamed.

    otherwise im not interested.



  457.  #457Daria on November 24, 2011 at 5:19 am

    it would feel great to connect with you if you think you can offer me that. i feel so good when im connected to you.



  458.  #458Daria on November 24, 2011 at 5:51 am

    cool i got a real seeming question about coaching from a man

    lots of men ask me about coaching, im gonna go for it and offer it



  459.  #459T-Girl on November 24, 2011 at 5:51 am

    435 Tenny regarding the masculine/feminine roles,

    I have been to a couple of relationship talks with a local meetup.com group, and when I talk about what I’ve learned or believe regarding masculine/feminine roles, the men are all shaking their heads in agreement while the women are all looking at me like I have two heads. I’ve had a couple women debate with me that men like to be asked out or like an agressive woman because those are the times we live in, yet the men were agreeing with my views instead. The proof was right there but the women still didn’t see it. Sigh.

    My guy was with me at the last talk and I got my own proof. He had never heard me discuss that before and by the end of the discussion, he was sitting closer to me with his arm around me calling me “honey” whereas before he was a little nervous because we were the only couple there. It was like he was looking at me with new eyes and he was proud of being with me.



  460.  #460Daria on November 24, 2011 at 5:53 am

    im so pampered



  461.  #461T-Girl on November 24, 2011 at 5:54 am

    Butterfly Wings, I believe you are getting into a good place realizing what you did wrong in regards to your bounderies, etc. Now just remember that what happens next is not up to him or his choice (which is what I’ve seen you post that you told him), but YOUR choice. You can be soft and inviting to him, but in the end it is your choice.



  462.  #462Lili 41 on November 24, 2011 at 5:58 am

    363:

    FW,

    Thank you for pointing that out.
    I’m sick and tired of being cold.
    I want to be warm.
    Thank you so much for helping me with that.
    “I don’t need your help”…I so try to look strong and independant, like “you can’t hurt me coz I don’t need you anyway.”
    Well, noticing is the 1st step. Love myself for noticing and being open to others who are kind enough to point out what I don’t see.



  463.  #463luzydel on November 24, 2011 at 6:03 am

    I feel better that I thought I will, I do not give credit to my own strength sometimes. I miss “S”, but I also know that if he was deserving of me and good for me, he would have been here fighting for me.

    I am thankful for this blog that has helped me find my own strength and believe that no matter what, I will be fine after all.



  464.  #464luzydel on November 24, 2011 at 6:07 am

    I also deleted My POF and HID OKC…I am going for the paid sites. For some reason me tend to be more serious and respectful when pay…lol



  465.  #465Lili 41 on November 24, 2011 at 6:16 am

    416:

    hi BW,

    Looks like me and you are both growing up.

    Last night, I asked him if he really meant it when he said he wanted to startover from scratch.
    He responded by asking me if I was going to keep doing this work on myself.
    I said that I always have and I always will.
    He said take your time to think about it carefully.

    He must be scared that I will yoyo on him like I did.

    It feels so good that’s he’s so respectful about my working out and healing my stuff.

    I’m feeling a loving vibe from him.
    We’ll see. I have no expectations except to focus on my own feelings.



  466.  #466Jessie1000 on November 24, 2011 at 6:20 am

    I feel like I have no will power now as before I just thought that I was completely unlovable. Lol. I guess itis better to believe that you just like to keep connected alot with the people you love than to believe you are garbage which is how I felt before I looked at Rori’s information. I realize alot about myself now like sometimes when this guy..Car dealer guy leans in to me, I feel so frightened, like a little rabbit, and I feel these tears of emotion that I never ever felt sober…I used to think beer was the only way to feel anything and so for a long time, I couldnt understand the terrible agony I felt when I went to a club and other people were so happy looking and I felt like a decompressing baloon, the more the night went on the worst I felt.

    I have never thought it could be so simple to just say how I feel until I started to try it. I tried last night to tell car dealer how much I liked it when he distracted me cause he tells alot of funny, stupid jokes when he comes to visit me and they feel good because I just moved 6000 miles away from all my friends and family and my two childrens dads and all the support I had to do a phd which is absolutely terrifying. I had to actually work the nerve up to say it like I was taking a long run to go up a mountain. I realized this is something I never do! And I realized that I was waiting after for something bad to happen, for the world to start laughing at me, or for him to feel disgusted by me? crazy eh? so crazy to have all these feelings well up in me and I feel tears right now feeling that pain of trying to speak up and be heard and having it be unsucessful.
    I feel unbelievably overwhelmed. I even put up a F.Book status and said I feel happy that my kids can play in the snow today and for some reason old friends and new friends commented on it and wondered if I was OK???? Wierd eh? What must I be like? I must be the most repressed person on the earth ha ha cause that many people made comments
    and one more thing….honestly it took almost a year of reading rori raye over and over until I could actually start trying it….bizarre eh? I would literally open her newest post and feel shocked!!! I would say wow, I could never ever do that or be that mean….Mean to who? Mean to myself? I think so.

    Anyway, I hope this feels sincerely like my heart felt thanx for finding all you girls on this site, IM always reading you DARIA! I like you the best and I liked it when you said you and your cousin planned how you would flirt with boys the next day, I could just picture you…anyway…thats my cape breton rant for the day and much love to all u girls, if you lived near me I would go for coffee with you every day…>Thank god for the internet!



  467.  #467Lizka on November 24, 2011 at 6:26 am

    Good morning Sirens! I’m sooo busy, I want to read your posts and I want to tell about my date but I don’t have time. Later maybe! Just hi. And I have a lunch with P. And a date with E on Saturday! Yay!



  468.  #468tenny on November 24, 2011 at 7:07 am

    Happy Thanksgiving Sirens!!! I am grateful for Rori and for each and every one of you. Many blessings!



  469.  #469tenny on November 24, 2011 at 7:26 am

    TGirl – That’s really cool that you were able to see for yourself that the men agreed with the feminine/masculine energy theory. I have only one girlfriend who is open to the concept and she has been practicing the siren tools and feeling messages. So I have at least one friend who I can talk to it about and share experiences (of, course, I have you sirens also 🙂 ). I’ve decided not to push the issue with my other friends and family, because I really tried to get them into it. One felt she didn’t need because her man is happy and I wanted to explain to her what an imaginary relationship was and how a man who is emotionally connected treats you . . . but decided that it was taking me too far out of myself and just felt satisfied that I introduced her to the concept. It’s like my eyes are open now and it’s a new life and I just wanted to share it!!! I’m focusing on me now, so it’s all good. Thanks for sharing your experience, it was very encouraging and uplifting.



  470.  #470tenny on November 24, 2011 at 7:31 am

    @Femininewoman:

    Thank you for explaining the vision board – I’m going to start one today, it sounds like a very helpful tool to keep me focused on me!!!



  471.  #471Susan on November 24, 2011 at 8:41 am

    RE: 441: English Woman says:

    “#342 Susan

    I can figure out what ED is but I can’t for the life of me figure out DE, I did a google search but it just gives out lots of sites in German. :oops:”

    ED = Erectile Dysfunction – most people know that one.
    DE = Delayed Ejaculation. That one is rare, but quite real. A man who has it simply can’t ejaculate unless he is alone. He simply can’t do it when a woman is present. It is uncomfortable for him, but generally not dangerous. The woman might be offended that he doesn’t ever ‘finish.” He can’t… not with her there.

    I dated a man who had that once. It was glorious! I nic-named him “The Human Sundial” cuz all he really had to do was lie on his back and I could be entertained for HOURS!



  472.  #472Mary on November 24, 2011 at 9:02 am

    Great article! Is it possible to have this w/ guy you’re not dating yet? How can you be that open/personal/read things as personal that quickly, w/out scaring them off? Im doing the rel’nship course just started. In my case, i am afraid to open up (to an inappropriate amount) with this guy at my gym as we don’t know each other that well, aside from him flirting & brief conversations. It is obvious he is interested in more than chit chat, and finally he asked for my number, but (of course i was agressive foot in mouth syndrome about it even after..ergg). Saw him the next day there briefly not at the ‘usual’ time, i got real nervous, him too (like we were ‘caught’ avoiding each other??) but still seemed fine although i cant keep my mouth shut ( i think he’s shy too..ergg) then never heard from him for over 3wks & didnt see him at gym. Finally i saw him last week, he approached like all is good, said to me ‘i needed to take some time off from here for the past week.(does time work diff for guys?) but no mention of not calling me. I felt awkward/uncomfortable/annoyed/confused/hurt- I dont want to say this to him b/c he’ll ask why and i cant say ‘you asked for my number and its actually 3 wks now, not 1, and you didnt call, did u change your mind, are you nuts?’ I dont feel comfortable being that personal with a stranger, and coming on that strong and personal, and i know that statement would even scare me off. LOL! What would you say?



  473.  #473Starla on November 24, 2011 at 11:16 am

    My period’s still not here. blargh.

    I don’t want to move, I just feel sad and unmotivated and too ugly to walk to the grocery store.

    i feel unworthy

    i want to cry and hide.

    i feel like i will look stupid to the whole world, i feel afraid of being exposed



  474.  #474Starla on November 24, 2011 at 11:22 am

    i want my blood to come. i feel so heavy with negative emotion…like it’s clogged up in me and turning on me and poisoning me.

    i feel like throwing up.

    ohh hormones



  475.  #475English Woman on November 24, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    #471 Susan

    Soooo funny LOL!! Human sundial indeed! 😀



  476.  #476English Woman on November 24, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    #472 Mary

    I am no expert here but have read on here and other places that timelines are entirely different for men and women, what seems like an eternity for us, to them it seems like a few hours…………any of you Sirens care to respond to this?



  477.  #477Wants To Be Hopeful on November 24, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    Thanks for the suggestions about writing a script and doing CRAFT. I actually read the book How to Get a Loved One sober twice. However, when I practiced the techniques, it was so frustrating. Looking back I think I was overfunctioning. There is a meeting for that group in my area, so I should probably go.

    Oddly, the thing I was doing as a positive reward was having sex with him when he was sober.

    So Sirens, is good to withhold sex, or should you give do it? He has changed immensely in the last month, and we have not had sex since the last time that he was drunk and we did it because we were on vacation. It broke my heart because I felt like felt so empty, like he was not even there. It makes me cry just to think about it.

    Any thoughts?



  478.  #478Susan on November 24, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    RE: 472: Mary:

    IMHO, you should smile warmly when you see him and say nothing and get busy dating other men. At this point in time, he has very little invested in you – he just asked for your phone number and you gave it. There was no promise in that, other that he might call. In the long run, it means nothing and I am afraid you are trying to control the outcome here. Let it go, and accept the attention and invitations of other men. Flirt with other men in front on him… not to get a reaction from him, but because you connect with many men and many men connect with you.



  479.  #479Emerson on November 24, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    Happy Thanksgiving sirens…I am thankful for all of you!!



  480.  #480Emerson on November 24, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    I spent Thanksgiving with close friends of the family…and some of their extended family…and it was OK but I felt myself not wanting to be there more than a couple of hours.

    I found myself feeling bored and completely, totally uninterested in the smalltalk carrying on with people I didn’t know. I gravitated toward my familiar folks and found myself avoiding certain people altogether. It was a bit akward at times and I just wanted to leave.I was hoping I didn’t appear rude, but I cannot listen to droning on about people’s kids I don’t even know.

    zzzz….sorry…I honestly don’t care.

    I was also feeling piney and sad…

    When I left and was driving home, I realized that I was feeling so sad and missed all of my past boyfriends at once…I hate Thanksgiving!

    I was pining for Recycled during the drive home, pining for my toxic ex and his daugther during dinner…etc etc…I just had a hard time being in the moment and being happy for others, etc.

    I sat there feeling self conscious and like a failure for being single….and without kids. And I was analyzing myself during the whole meal rather than enjoying my food.

    Ick.

    Also beating myself up for leaning forward with CityCD when he is clearly A WASTE OF TIME.

    I need to cycle past, move on and find new prospects.



  481.  #481Emerson on November 24, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    I feel guilty for feeling like that at dinner.
    I felt tight in my throat really bad…and in my tummy. and like I wanted to close my eyes and cry..and I felt heavy in my chest and my back…
    It felt yucky
    Cried in the car on way home so feel a little better with those physical things but still feel icky inside..



  482.  #482Emerson on November 24, 2011 at 10:32 pm

    I feel worried and self conscious about my negative posts and that sirens will think I am always whiney or talkign about the same sad/pain all the time. I feel scared that they’ll get tired of reading what I write and sigh and roll eyes….ack….