Good Guys And High Quality Guys – Are They The Same?

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Here’s a letter from Bethany, with a problem I hear all the time from nearly every woman I work with:

“Dear Rori,

After I thought about things, I felt better.  But then he tracked me down and wanted to see if I wanted to go to a concert that night with him and his friend, and I said yes because I thought why not, I want to really examine how I feel about myself when I’m with him…terrible, actually.  He didn’t pay for me, okay, it was a $15 ticket, but then bought himself $3 beers and didn’t offer to get me one…and would put his hand on my back occasionally but didn’t kiss me, and then wanted me to sleep over!

I said no and he drove me home, then today I ran into him on his bike and he asked me what I’m doing tonight and I said I’m meeting with this guy whose novel I’m editing (John, a friend of his) at 8 pm, then he said he would probably just be hanging out at home.

Then he said, “Well, tell John I said hi…” I said “okay,” and he left.  Then I felt like crying.  I don’t know why.

This guy must be a huge loser.

So why do I let him make me feel so bad? He obviously doesn’t want me anymore, and that makes me feel awful…just awful.

I wish I could feel that there are better things out there for me, I just have 6 weeks of boring, miserable small town life before I can get away and into the big pond of a bigger city…

Rori, are there guys out there who are fun and exciting and attractive who also won’t make me feel like crap?

I want to believe that but I’ve only ever known the losers I meet in this tiny state…who I somehow pull in.

I want to believe but I just haven’t ever known anything else.  And I’m so angry and hurt that he’s pulling away from me and treating me like I’m second class.  So hurt.  I’m trying to feel my way through it but I’m at work right now and can’t afford to break down crying.  Why does he act like he doesn’t care?  I don’t understand… Bethany”

My Answer:

I want to help Bethany here with PERSPECTIVE, and just offer her a different view of the situation that can help her to FEEL BETTER.

And remember – that’s always our number one priority – to help ourselves to FEEL BETTER – moment by moment, so that we can lift ourselves up PERMANENTLY to a much happier place.

And then, of course, we attract a much better man…and it just gets better and better from there:

So – here’s my answer:

Bethany – Sometimes the universe is helping you get away from someone like him.

Your background is pulling you toward men who can’t do the job – but the Universe is pulling you AWAY!!!!

Look at it like that! The Universe is HELPING you.

There are men around you RIGHT NOW who would KILL to kiss you.

This guy is totally not even in consideration for a suitor, much less a serious suitor.

A suitor NEVER stops trying and working to make you HAPPY.

That is your standard.

You’ve been living in a small pond. You don’t know what’s out there.

What you want is a good man who’s happy enough in his life and work.

He doesn’t have to be RICH – just stable, emotionally and financially – and be AFFECTIONATE.

Affection (not neediness) goes a LONG WAY with us women.

You’re looking for the guy who invented Facebook – something really cool – the guy who’s going to save the world.

Keep your standards high for how a man treats you – not for his standing in the world.

… and keep: receiving affection and good feelings at the very top of the list.

Just use this time to detach from the old stuff and look toward the new stuff.

Explore the small pond and see if you can start to differentiate between good guys, and guys who aren’t high enough quality.

And explore the bigger pond: Putting yourself on, OKCupid and all the other sites large and small for the larger cities and other cities near you will give you a whole new source of men to Circular Date with and see if the important qualities of men who find YOU there get better and better.

((I know there are many arguments around this…and, as always…I choose to look at the statistics that FEEL GOOD (and there are MANY)…and to look at the REAL results so many of my clients get when they shift their inner argument about the possibilities and find themselves unexpectedly in the arms of good men….))

That’s what Circular Dating is for!  To explore your world and explore yourself – out there IN the world!

Love, Rori

Posted in


  1.  #1Silver Moonbeam on March 22, 2012 at 6:31 am

    Wooohoo, top of the world!!!!!! 😀 😀 😀

  2.  #2Silver Moonbeam on March 22, 2012 at 6:33 am

    Look at it like that! The Universe is HELPING you.

    There are men around you RIGHT NOW who would KILL to kiss you.

    This guy is totally not even in consideration for a suitor, much less a serious suitor.

    A suitor NEVER stops trying and working to make you HAPPY.

    That is your standard.

    YES OH YES!!

  3.  #3Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 6:40 am

    Yay Moonbeam! Hellooooo from the other side of the Atlantic!

  4.  #4Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 7:09 am


    RE: #811 on “No Intimacy and Old Flames” – “Also, I’d like to encourage you not to give up CDating. Just give yourself (and others) a chance.”

    I’ll try. I do think I will keep it to meeting men in person tho to CD. I signed up for a 3 day conference next weekend, and that will be an ideal place to meet new men.

    Well it would take some digging to pull up my comments about men who aren’t good listeners, but I’ll try to do that for you. It is something I have worked with a lot and gotten a lot of success.

  5.  #5Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 7:11 am


    RE: #801 – Someone may have already answered you, but about Rori’s programs, Targeting Mr. Right is all about Circular Dating and how to go about dating. Love Scripts is how to say what you want to say. So it depends on what you want to focus on right now.

    For me, I want to get Love Scripts.

  6.  #6Silver Moonbeam on March 22, 2012 at 7:12 am

    #3 Yay Brenda – waving from over the pond 🙂

    It’s a lovely spring day here, bursting with sunshine and flowers and I saw a huge fat bumble bee this morning. 🙂

  7.  #7April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 7:14 am

    “And remember – that’s always our number one priority – to help ourselves to FEEL BETTER – moment by moment, so that we can lift ourselves up PERMANENTLY to a much happier place.”


  8.  #8April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 7:15 am

    Brits and Brenda on Top of the World!!!

  9.  #9LoveAlways on March 22, 2012 at 7:17 am

    Great post Rori. I especially like where you said
    “Keep your standards high for how a man treats you – not for his standing in the world.” It resonates with me in my head where I feel my air turn warm! I sometimes get stuck on how I feel for a man, wrapped up into how he makes me feel, and I then project this on to him and how I view him. Looking at it more clearly, it’s really about how affectionate he is towards me!!! I can easily see when he is affectionate because those are the moments we connect. What a beautiful realization!!

  10.  #10April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 7:19 am

    Good to see you.
    I have been contemplating your ‘torn between two lovers’ syndrome.
    I have something similar going on.
    What’s your latest?

  11.  #11April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 7:27 am

    I cycled four miles in the fog this morning.
    To see a man!!!
    To throw pebbles at his window and surprise him while he was still in bed.

    Ha ha. He wasn’t expecting that!
    Call it a major leaning forward on my part, but it was SO much fun.
    Then he made me tea and porridge!

  12.  #12April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 7:29 am

    Hello Silver Moonbeam,

    ‘Tis a glorious Spring day here also. Can’t beat Old Blighty on a sunny morning.

  13.  #13April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 7:39 am

    I have been thinking about eyebrows and considering my first ever eyebrow treatment.

    Some women’s eyebrow look like they are shaped very nicely.
    How would I know that the beautician was going to shape them to my liking?

  14.  #14Dominique on March 22, 2012 at 7:48 am

    You don’t know April Rose. You just have to try. I do my own though I have tried having them done for me, waxing/plucking as well as threading. I like the way I do them the best.

    Best recommendation, check out the esthetician’s work. Ask women you see whose brows look great to you who they go to.


  15.  #15Femininewoman on March 22, 2012 at 7:51 am

    April Rose you can hold a mirror while they do it and give them directions based on what you like. I was inspired by CocoKisses so I had a threading done this morning. It was a bit painful but I don’t believe more than waxing. I believe I will do it again.

  16.  #16Silver Moonbeam on March 22, 2012 at 7:55 am

    April Rose, I LOVE mine painful as it was and yes it is the MOST gorgeous day here and I feel full of the joys of spring, yippeee!!!!

  17.  #17April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 8:03 am

    How long does it take you to do them yourself?

  18.  #18April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 8:05 am

    FW, Silver Moonbeam, Dominique,

    I would probably only have it done once, unless I can convince myself to love all the rigmarole of beauty treatment.

    I’m also considering an eyelash tint and curl. Any idea what that involves?

  19.  #19Mel on March 22, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Thanks ladies (from the last thread) on your well-wishes! I feel like I have many friends here. 🙂

  20.  #20April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 8:19 am

    OMG. I have just almost completely lost one eyebrow.

    In my enthusiasm to have a go at plucking, I got carried away.

    How long does it take to grow back??

  21.  #21Mochaberri on March 22, 2012 at 8:19 am

    Love this post!!

    Morning Sirens!!!!

  22.  #22siren song on March 22, 2012 at 8:19 am

    oooh, i love this post!

  23.  #23Dominique on March 22, 2012 at 8:20 am

    April Rose – Lash tint is great though it’s almost impossible to not get some in your eyes, and it really, really burns, but the results are fabulous. Skip the lash curling, not worth the money, and honestly I prefer the natural look whether they be naturally curled or straight.


  24.  #24Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 8:31 am

    April Rose,

    #11 – Aww, how romantic!

  25.  #25Dominique on March 22, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Oops April Rose. Until you get the hang of it, this can happen. Mine grow back way too fast. Everyone is different. Once you get ea good shape (maybe get it done professionally to achieve this), then it’s easy to keep it up. I check very couple of days for strays. This way it only takes a minute or so.


  26.  #26April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 8:34 am

    The hardest thing about obliterating an eyebrow is that you then have to make the other one match.

  27.  #27April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 8:36 am

    I seem to have ‘sparse’ eyebrow growth.

    Is there any way to train them so that they grow a bit thicker and don’t look so straggly?

  28.  #28Lush_Oasis on March 22, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Good morning, Sirens!

    Mel – you’re still my inspiration … and Turquoise, and Starla, and FW, and HW, and lk, and BW, and Brenda, and SMB, and SG, and and and … the list goes on. Phew. I feel thrilled to have virtual friends; though it sure would feel awesome to have some IRL friends that knew about this site and understood what we go through.

    I feel weird calling local friends up to grab a coffee and start blabbing about the ordeals of dating when they don’t know about the inner workings of my battle (as it were). Besides, most of my local friends are already involved, married, or otherwise taken off the market too. Hmm. :-/

    So, on my ordeal for taCD. His profile is still up and is still getting current activity. He mentioned he would close it because he honors me and respects my wishes and he desires to be with me.

    But — you know — it wouldn’t be drama if there wasn’t always something else, right? anyway … now he’s taken to sending me detailed images. Umm …

    I’ve mentioned to him that I feel triggered about all of this (the profile[s?!?!? eek] being active and now the pictures) because my past relationship behaved in much the same way; except the ex would deny every bit of everything I mentioned. 🙁

    I’m trying very hard not to make comparisons between these two relationships, but its so difficult when this one is behaving in a really similar behavior as my ex did before I left him.

    Ok — so I reckon my dliemna this morning is two-fold:

    1) I’m expected to visit him starting Saturday for a couple days, but he still has at least one profile that is active and I mentioned that I would feel uncomfortable visiting if I knew he was still actively dating,

    2) How do I handle the images

    I know. I know. Both issues are personal and require personal reflection to fully answer. I get it. But, I guess I’m asking for advice on how to word things and to give me strength, support, or guidance so that I don’t feel like I’m over-reacting or being a prude.

    If his profile is still up and / or active, I feel that I should not visit his house. I’m okay to mention this to him, but I feel sad that I might be weak and give in when he mentions that he hasn’t had time to do anything to close the account what with his work schdedule blah blah blah.

    The images are a different topic — I can tolerate them but its not a fantasy of mine and since it is too closely related to what my ex did with others while engaged to me, it is a sore spot.

    I guess I feel as if it is an unwritten expectation by the sender to reply in kind and that is not something I will feel comfortable doing – ever. I keep recalling horror stories of a senator that sent graphic images of himself and got in lots of trouble. The last thing I need is to be involved in any sort of scandal [though on a much less public scale] like that.

    Wow. I feel like such a prude writing all of that. I never thought myself that way — just — hmm, virtuous? 🙂 And, I know men have needs … women do to, right? I just don’t feel the need to solicit graphic images or messages to meet those needs.

    Maybe I became too comfortable believing that this relationship was not meant to be when he stopped talking to me for so many days. I mentioned to him I wouldn’t break up with him by messaging, so if I don’t visit him on Saturday; how else am I to end things — if indeed that is how the turn of events happen?

    Welcome Frances — this is a great support group of wonderful ladies and personalities. I feel happy to have a new Siren in the mix.

    Enjoy the day, ladies. The weather is beautiful. I’m hoping my nature walk later today will help clarify many issues for me.

  29.  #29Silver Moonbeam on March 22, 2012 at 8:53 am

    #27 April Rose

    Mine are very fair maybe even grey!!!! I get them tinted brown, this lasts for quite a while though it can seem quite dark until you get used to them but it does fade.

    In my younger days (1970’s) the fashion was to shave them completely off and pencil in thin eyebrows, oh how silly we must have been and looked. 😀

    Shaved off eyebrows, big black eyes and almost white lipstick ha ha!!!

  30.  #30Silver Moonbeam on March 22, 2012 at 8:54 am

    #15 FW

    Did you like the threading effect more than waxing? I think they look much nicer for some reason.

  31.  #31Emoticon on March 22, 2012 at 8:54 am

    “Keep your standards high for how a man treats you – not for his standing in the world.”

    I LOVE this line…. i love it sooooo much!

  32.  #32April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 9:05 am

    I am feeling all snuggly and smiley being amongst you ‘girly’ girls with your lovely eyebrows. I’m feeling inspired to pamper myself likewise.

  33.  #33Emoticon on March 22, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Hey Sirens!

  34.  #34Femininewoman on March 22, 2012 at 9:15 am

    The waxing tend to leave the skin looking lighter than what I noticed this morning. To the point of it looking kind of unnatural which is why I thought it took out some of the toxins. Also knowing that hot parafin wax can be used as part of pain therapy my assumption is that some toxins under the skin must be removed.

    The threading seems neater and more like a natural line.

  35.  #35Femininewoman on March 22, 2012 at 9:17 am

    I know someone who has no eyebrows and uses pencil. Before I knew she had none I always wondered why remove your eyebrows to use pencil and it looks so obviously unnatural. It gives the face a rather superficial look.

  36.  #36Femininewoman on March 22, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Lush just think of him as a brother not a romantic interest. How long have you known him anyway.

  37.  #37Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 9:32 am

    I am so bored with Mr. Chemical! I haven’t met him yet, and it’s become an endless circle of emailing, texting, and phone calling.

    I gave him feeling messages today saying I am not looking for endless phone contact, and it would feel good to meet him. He said he agrees and we talked a little bit about where I live. It’s a simple 20 minute drive, and he makes it sound next to impossible just because he doesn’t know the roads.

    I said when two people connect electronically and don’t meet, it reaches a point where it feels weird. He is very busy with his job and yet he is talking about getting a part time job on Saturdays.

    I have pretty much decided I want to end it before it begins. He is talking about meeting next week or the week after. How do I tactfully end it? I don’t want to just cut him off with no explanation.

  38.  #38Femininewoman on March 22, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Brenda you are the one engaging in the phone conversation and texting. Remember you don’t have to answer your phone. You can just tell him you prefer to talk to when when there is a solid plan to meet and leave it at that. I feel confused as to why you would want him coming to your home? For the first meeting it should be outdoors.

  39.  #39Starla on March 22, 2012 at 9:47 am

    am feeling uptight today as CF and I have plans for Monday (to hang out with his mom, hehe), and we saw each other on Tuesday, but he hasn’t said anything about this weekend, and now my weekend is filling up.

    I feel unimportant.

    And this time I am ACTUALLY going to go with the flow:P and just live my life:)

  40.  #40Starla on March 22, 2012 at 9:52 am

    i feel unimportant to HIM, not to myself:)

    and i guess while it’s scary and uncomfortable, he and i are not committed, and if he’s a doufus one week and missed out on spending time with me, it is OKAY. But it feels sooo uncomfortable to just let it be okay. I want to control everything:P

  41.  #41Francesca on March 22, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Brenda, if I were you, I wouldn’t have him come pick me up at my house.

    As FW said, it’s better to meet him outdoors.

    You don’t want him to know where you live yet, do you?

    And thanks for trying to find your posts for me. If you can’t find them, that’s fine too. I’m working on my own strategy. 😉

  42.  #42Francesca on March 22, 2012 at 9:54 am

    “But it feels sooo uncomfortable to just let it be okay. I want to control everything:P”

    So do I, Starla, but I’m learning to let some things go.

  43.  #43Femininewoman on March 22, 2012 at 9:58 am

    To clear things up at least a little bit, we’ll be tackling three things that DON’T trigger attraction in a man — and what actually DOES.

    Oh, and you might want to take notes!

    WHAT DOESN’T WORK: Thinking that he wants what YOU want.

    It’s easy to get lulled into thinking that you and your boyfriend are “on the same page” in your relationship whenever good things happen.

    Let’s take cuddling for instance. Cuddling feels nice, and never fails to make us think everything’s okay in the relationship. And sometimes, you feel like you could cuddle forever.

    Unfortunately — and here’s a secret you may never read anywhere else — men aren’t really all that wild about cuddling. Sure, they may like it, but definitely not as much as women do.

    The problem is when we want to cuddle, we mistakenly think he wants to cuddle too. And when you ask him to cuddle when he’s not really in the mood to, he might think you’re being a little too needy — and that’s not really attractive for him.

    This also applies to other things WE like, such as shopping, strolling, watching movies, etc. Unless we also consider the things HE likes to do, we run the risk of being an attraction killer.

    WHAT DOES: Asking him what HE wants.

    “Hey, I chose what to do last weekend. Why don’t we do something YOU like this time?”

    It’s a simple, innocent question — but in one swoop, you immediately give him control of the relationship AND the opportunity to do something HE likes.

    A very good way of using the “give and give” philosophy that I often teach my readers.

    Sure, some personal sacrifices have to be made to make a relationship work.

    But make sacrifices because you CHOOSE to, not because you HAVE to!

    When you and your boyfriend make sacrifices because you HAVE to, it’s “give and take.”

    But when you and your boyfriend make sacrifices because you CHOOSE to, it’s “give and give!”

    And in a “give and give” relationship, there’s absolutely no need to take anything.

    WHAT DOESN’T WORK: Expecting too much.

    Many women immediately think about the long-term whenever they get into a relationship with a great guy. Will he be a good husband? What would the relationship be like? When is he going to propose?

    The problem is that men don’t think of these questions at the beginning of the relationship. In fact, they may not think of these questions AT ALL!

    Here’s a quick tip: A man won’t commit to you simply because he’s dated you “long enough.” He’s only going to commit to you when he WANTS to. He has to LIKE being with you so much that he can’t help but want to spend the rest of his life with you.

    How can you make him LIKE being with you? Simple — with fun, optimism, and positive energy.

    But when you expect too much from the onset — and end up getting disappointed when he doesn’t meet your expectations — you’ll be filling the relationship with lots of NEGATIVE energy.

    And negative energy is a definite attraction killer!

    WHAT DOES: Taking life as it comes.

    It’s a hard fact to swallow, but around 90% of the single men out there simply aren’t prepared for a serious relationship. That’s why 90% of the men you meet seem to never have their act together!

    That’s why it’s dangerous to fall too deeply in love with any one man, especially when you begin to pin all your hopes and happiness on him. When he turns out to be a player, a cheater, or simply a poor, emotionally-unavailable thing, it’s going to leave you depressed and dangerously jaded!

    So instead of expecting too much, stay flexible and take life as it comes. Keep meeting new single men, even just as friends, and keep finding ways to make your life more interesting — without depending on any one guy.

    WHAT DOESN’T WORK: Waiting for things to happen.

    I’ve met a lot of women who take a really PASSIVE approach in their relationships.

    They don’t actively try to make their relationship work, preferring to let their boyfriend run the show.

    They don’t do the right things that actually build the romantic tension in the relationship, preferring instead to wait for the romance to come on its own.

    When I ask these women why they’re so passive, I get some pretty silly answers:

    “Well, Alex, I believe he’s my soulmate. It’ll work out in the end.”

    “Well, Alex, I believe a man should love me for me. It’s his job to make the relationship work.”

    “Well, Alex, women should be subservient to men.”

    Seriously, guys?

    I’m going to tell you right now — I’ve yet to see a happy relationship where the guy did all the work.

    These days, with women taking on more prominent, more important roles in society, all of a sudden timid, passive women have become VERY unattractive.

    And trust me, if you don’t keep up with the times, you’re definitely going to be left behind by today’s men!

    WHAT DOES: Knowing how the game works.

    Whenever men meet a woman who knows how the attraction game works, they INSTANTLY think: “Oh, wow. Now THERE’S a cool girl.”

    And when they meet a woman who’s passive, timid, whiny, needy, or otherwise doesn’t know how to make a relationship work, what do they instantly think?


    Love, I want men to see you as one of the rare “cool girls” out there.

    And to do this, you’ll have to know all the secrets of attraction and love — and apply them to your own life to help you grow into a smarter, more optimistic, and more flexible woman.

    I want you to know the dating game SO WELL that men can’t help but feel irresistibly attracted to you.

    And, yes, I want you to ultimately enjoy a loving, nurturing, long-term relationship with a great man who absolutely WANTS to spend the rest of his life with you

    Alexandra Fox

  44.  #44Francesca on March 22, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Ok, now my grocery is done, I just had lunch and I need to go to the library to get new books.

    I love going to the library and be amongst books, just browse from row to row and let myself be inspired by a title or an image.

    I’m reading Marilyn French’s “The Women’s Room” for the second time now. It’s one of my favourite books.

    I’m going to get more Margaret Atwood books. I’ve read them all as they came out but now I’m re-reading them and enjoying them so much.

    What are you sirens reading?

  45.  #45Laughing Goddess on March 22, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Hi lovely ladies!

    I am doing okay. Thanks for your concern though.

    I don’t know why I have been MIA lately. I’ve just been feeling quiet. I’ve been doing some intense emotional work with my acupuncturist/counselor and it’s been very healing and also intense and I’m noticing that I’m having a hard time finding the words to articulate exactly what is going on with me. So at times like that I notice I tend to go quiet and process things internally.

    I do really appreciate the care and concern and I just wanted to stop by and let y’all know that I am doing okay and I really appreciate all of you!


  46.  #46Silver Moonbeam on March 22, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Brenda I agree with the others.

    I would never meet a man for a first date in my home. It should always be in a public place, too may weirdos out there to put my personal safety in jeopardy and I am not some psycho conspiracy theorist, just somebody who is cautious.

    I would meet in a cafe for a coffee or something of that nature, just keeping it light at the start, this is a stranger after all……………

    And you don’t end anything remember, no closure, just put him on the back of your horse remember we don’t do it in our old pattern of wasting weeks of communicating with the one man, we are Sirens and have loads of men coming at us, 100 even. 😀

  47.  #47April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Brenda has said she doesn’t want men in her home on the first date.
    I think she was referring to the guy being too slack to drive the 20 minutes to her home town to meet her.

  48.  #48lilybelle on March 22, 2012 at 10:37 am

    (((((((((((((((Laughing Goddess)))))))))))))))))))

    Can you feel that ginormous hug, Luv?

  49.  #49April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 10:39 am

    I think I would like two husbands (or lovers – haven’t decided which yet).

    I will have a house. Each of them will have a house. And I will spend two or three days or nights with each of them at their homes. And I will keep my bed just for me.


  50.  #50April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Silver Moonbeam,

    I have always loved the ‘100 men’ tool.
    Wow. 100 men all coming for me, bearing gifts.
    Now that is something my imagination CAN indulge in!!!

  51.  #51lk on March 22, 2012 at 10:42 am

    i feel awesome : )))

    thanks for all support yesterday…….

    i felt so upset & even when cd came to get me from the office i dilly-dallied a bit just because i was feeling sensitive, but ……….. BUT !!!!! when i went outside to get in the car, he was smiling at me so big I just grinned back & kissed him & told him i loved him : ) & kissed him again & we had the nicest, nicest evening. right when we got in the door there was a tiny bit of tension, so we turned music on loud & i danced & did some yoga & stretching & he did push-ups & kettle-ball exercises & we both hoola-hooped : ))) & we just had a great evening. we took a shower together… & cuddled… & i made dinner : ) & we watched a new movie that was beautiful…. & i just feel amazing & amazed : )

    &&&&& i solved my “problem” lol… solution as follows: stay present & focus on *my* feelings : )

  52.  #52April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 10:48 am

    I didn’t know you were struggling yesterday.
    Your evening sounds amazing tho’. Wow!

  53.  #53lilybelle on March 22, 2012 at 10:48 am

    YAY for me!!

    I just really want to yell from my balcony, at the top of my lungs…YAY for ME!

    Does anybody ever feel like that?

  54.  #54Silver Moonbeam on March 22, 2012 at 10:49 am

    #44 Francesca

    I love psychological thrillers and my favourite author of the moment is Nicci French, if you can get English books over there (wherever you are lol) get Secret Smile a top read!

  55.  #55Laughing Goddess on March 22, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Oh Lillybelle, I can feel it….and it feels really good. <3

  56.  #56Silver Moonbeam on March 22, 2012 at 10:52 am

    #53 lilybelle

    YES I have been feeling sooo great all day!!!

    Maybe it’s the weather or the moon or something, but I feel magic in the air!!

    I loved April Rose this morning telling of cycling in the fog and then having tea and porridge (in the woods with the bad boy perhaps).

    I feel all Sireny today maybe it’s because I painted my nails for the first time in a long time, or maybe we are all on the edge of something big about to happen!!!

  57.  #57April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Woohoo Silver Moonbeam,

    I feel so excited I can hardly sit still reading what you wrote “…we are all on the edge of something big about to happen!!!”

  58.  #58lilybelle on March 22, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Oh Silver…I love that you are feeling all Sireny!

    And April’s story about the throwing pebbles this morning was wonderful. I’m such a visual reader/listener that I saw the whole thing, including the two of them sipping tea at the table. Sometimes, this visual stuff gets me into trouble when people are talking about yechy things but when it’s stuff like the story above..yay!

    I have this wonderful CD in my life right now. After T, I spent some time really feeling the feelings I was having and then learned to let go and feel happy for the experience with him and no sooner did I do that, then I met my Harley guy. He is amazing and goes out of his way to make sure that I feel happy and safe and cared for…all the time. Hell, he doesn’t even have to try, I just feel that way with him.

    It’s really quite amazing and oh so much fun.

  59.  #59April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 11:00 am

    The early morning fog and the hills and the rusty old bike made cycling a test of my will this morning.
    Yet I was well-rewarded.
    The bad boy in the woods (as you like to call him, SM. and I feel tickled by that!!) gave me the most fantastic cuddles and offered to whisk me away right then, in his motorhome. Ooooh, temptation.
    But he is forbidden fruit.

    Until … I pluck up the courage to declare my desire for having not one husband, but two!!!

  60.  #60April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 11:07 am

    YAY Lilybelle,

    YAY for YOU.
    Whoop whoop


  61.  #61Starla on March 22, 2012 at 11:10 am

    I think part of my discomfort is that actually i would rather take care of things at home this weekend than go out with him, so i guess i could experiment with responding to his last minute invitation by saying he is welcome to come over but he should be prepared to keep himself entertained (by bringing his laptop or books or something) while i am busy about the house.

    in feeling messages, of course:P

  62.  #62Dominique on March 22, 2012 at 11:12 am

    April Rose – There isn’t a way to make them thicker (please don’t believe any product that says it will) though a healthy diet can help, but you can trim the scraggly one. I use a fine comb, and comb all the hair upwards. Any ends outside the lines gets trimmed.

    I agree with Silver Moonbeam that threading looks better. It’s more precise.

    I pluck mine but have been doing it since I’m twelve so have had lots of practice which isn’t to say I haven’t been over zealous at times.

    Like I said before, once you get a good shape, it’s easy to keep them that way if you check for strays ever two or three days.


  63.  #63lilybelle on March 22, 2012 at 11:14 am

    I tweeze mine as well and am fortunate that I have a nice, natural brow line so there isn’t a lot of artwork that goes into it. When I was in beauty college, one of the instuctors used me as a model for nicely shaped eyebrows. LOL!! I also do as Dominque does, brush them up and trim off what doesn’t belong with a little scissors.

  64.  #64Dominique on March 22, 2012 at 11:18 am

    Femininewoman – Waxing won’t remove toxins. What you are seeing is the skin being exfoliated, i.e. the top dry and dead layer has been removed thus leaving clean, fresh skin.


  65.  #65Iamabutterfly on March 22, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Thank you, Rori. I feel like I really needed this post.

    I feel like I’ve been accepting crumbs from Jack CD and I’M SICK OF IT.

    It’s like, I just want to win this game between me and him, that HE started.


    I have such an issue with having all the power in relationships, and yet I want to feel dominated and I want to feel, like, for once, a guy is in control.

    I HATE feeling like I have too much control. But I HATE feeling a loss of power.

    I’ve been feeling really scared and vulnerable the last couple of weeks.

    I saw him looking at me at this wedding and then looking away when I looked at him (mature.)

    When he did that, I felt panicky.

    So I did this totally UN-Sireny thing and practically ran up to him to talk to him when he did that.

    He seemed to really like that…

    Then, after the wedding, we were over at a friend’s house and there was an open seat next to me, and he sat down next to me.

    He always does this thing where he keeps leaning in closer and closer to me until he is practically , and I hate to admit that I love it, sitting in my lap.

    We were supposed to bring our own food to eat over at my friend’s and I forgot to get something, so he saved something of his for me to eat, until he was assured by me that I wasn’t hungry.

    Then, the next night, he just shows up at my house with some other people.

    I did NOT invite him.

    Seeing him in my home, without invitation, made me feel…I don’t know. Annoyed.

    Here’s what I wrote on an old post:

    “Jack CD came over last night.

    He was looking at all my pictures in frames around the living room and asking me about each one.

    I wanted to ask him something, but it didn’t come out right, or he misunderstood what I was asking or something.

    I tried to let him lead the conversation.

    He started talking about the past, about how sometimes the past is painful. I felt really sad and tired, and I felt my head start to hang, but I was smiling a small smile even while my head was hanging, because while I felt sad and tired… I also felt…healed, or in the process of healing or I felt understood, but it was so hard to speak to him with these feeling messages because I felt so drowsy.

    He talked so slowly and softly, and he was watching me the entire time. I felt like I was being hypnotized. Lately, he has been so gentle with me. I think he is starting to understand why I act so inconsistent and scared sometimes.

    I feel so safe with him right now, but I also feel really open and exposed and vulnerable and scared.”

    Okay, except I haven’t heard from him since then, and I won’t see him again until this much later this upcoming weekend.

    At this point, I feel so used. I feel manipulated. I feel rotated.

    He can’t possibly care about me that much. I feel like he just wants me to like him to make him feel better about himself.

    I feel shy around other men again.

    I feel like I’m losing my power again.

    I feel ADDICTED to Jack CD and I HATE that feeling.

    What can I do?

  66.  #66Dominique on March 22, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Lilybelly – <3


  67.  #67lk on March 22, 2012 at 11:27 am

    me too me too me too !!!!

    YAY FOR ME : )))))

    YAY FOR YOU : )))))))

    HOORAH FOR ALL OF US : )))))))

    awwww ((((universe)))) : )

  68.  #68lilybelle on March 22, 2012 at 11:30 am

    I have a hard time accepting compliments for Harley. He gushes on me and not a single day goes by that he doesn’t tell me that I am beautiful. Last night he took me in his arms and danced with me in my living room..*swoon* all the time, telling me that I am beautiful but the best part is that I don’t even know just how..

    I’m learning and really, the only thing I can do is just melt when he does that. And I do..alot…and smile…alot.

  69.  #69lilybelle on March 22, 2012 at 11:31 am


    lk… YAY FOR YOU!!!!


  70.  #70Mel on March 22, 2012 at 11:37 am

    Yay Lilybelly! Dancing in the living room is super swoon!

    I feel so happy to see you back here! 🙂

  71.  #71lilybelle on March 22, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Aww Mel…. big hugs!

    It feels good to have been missed. Thank you!!

    And I don’t know if you saw my post to you on the last thread but….

    YAY FOR YOU!!!!!!

  72.  #72lk on March 22, 2012 at 11:49 am

    @ i am a butterfly

    jackCD sounds very charming…. but also possibly a little immature….

    if you think, “I feel like he just wants me to like him to make him feel better about himself,” that is very interesting to me.

    to me, that sounds like,

    a) you are a Huge Prize – otherwise, your good friend wouldn’t be expending effort to win your attention (which he IS doing)

    b) you may not Know you are a Huge Prize – otherwise, you wouldn’t be so swayed by affection from him which felt to you like “Crumbs” instead of like dedicated, impassioned Pursuit

    i don’t know if jackCD could be your Ideal Partner…. i feel curious to know what you Believe about that…. but YOU are the prize. not because “narcissism” is an epidemic… not because you’re prettier than everyone else… not because you have to tell yourself that, because those are the rules of Rori Raye….. that’s not why you’re the prize. you’re the prize because this is your life. everyone gets one, & this one is yours. i love you : )

  73.  #73lilybelle on March 22, 2012 at 11:51 am




  74.  #74lilybelle on March 22, 2012 at 11:52 am

    ohhh lk….I loved what you wrote to I am a butterfly..

  75.  #75Mel on March 22, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Part of me is saying… OMG, this is crazy!! But it actually feels crazy good. I have butterflies and I feel so excited. And I can’t stop thinking of his blushy-pink sparkly-eyed smiling face when we saw each other after our email exchange.

    Am I totally insane? Is 6 months too short? Or does it matter more that spending time together is so easy and effortless and beautifully simple? I just don’t want that to change. That’s what I’m feeling afraid of. But as long as I keep my sireny ways, simple it will stay!

  76.  #76lilybelle on March 22, 2012 at 12:07 pm


    I just have this thought for you…

    Follow your heart not your head.


  77.  #77T-Girl on March 22, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    So happy for you Lilybelle! Yay!

  78.  #78lk on March 22, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    me too, mel…… i’m in the exact same boat. moving in & talking about Forever & Rings & Marriage after not even 5 months…… serious love, though. i trust mine, though it feels cr8zy. mostly, just notice how insanely good i feel around him &&& away from him. when i feel bad, it’s my Stuff. when i share my feelings with him, he listens & helps me.

    i do feel excited thinking of the intimacy that feels so deep so quickly…. & knowing it is Real Intimacy that comes from sharing feelings honestly & listening & wanting to help each other : ) not “intimacy” like comes from Agreeing or Pleasing, Being Cool & Witty, Getting Nxked, Causing Drama, etc.

  79.  #79lilybelle on March 22, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Awww, T-Girl…thanks!!!


  80.  #80Iamabutterfly on March 22, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    @72 LK – I am wondering if you could get any sweeter. You have NO IDEA how good it made me feel to read what you wrote! Thank you a million times over!

    I feel a little confused.

    a.) This is definitely true. Thanks for reminding me! 😀

    b.) Are you saying that he is showing me dedicated, impassioned pursuit, and I’m just not seeing it?

    I don’t know if Jack CD is my ideal partner. I second-guess every single guy I start to really care about, usually until I kill the relationship in various ways.

    I feel calm all of the sudden.

    Thank you so much for your comforting words.

    I feel strange saying “I love you too!” because how well do I really know you, lol?

    But it feels so genuine coming from you and I believe that you do love me, in this unique way that you can.

    We can LOVE so much more than we give ourselves credit for.

    Thank you again, sweet lk!

    I feel supported and enlightened. 🙂

    It is my life. I’m thankful for it.

  81.  #81T-Girl on March 22, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    You can tell spring is in the air. 🙂

  82.  #82lk on March 22, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    oooh… this day is turning interesting.

    1) my landlord just called & offered me my full deposit, no questions/delay if i can be out by the end of this month instead of next month (um, duh – i’m a pro at life-changes) – which gives me an extra ~$1000 for my car !!

    2) talked to my mama. she at first seemed to be talking me out of a car & not wanting to help… but i shared my feelings & she said she thinks it’s a good idea & she really wants to help.

    3) then, she offered to do my taxes for me ! (& estimated i’d be getting kind of a “fat” return since i didn’t have a full year’s employment at tax-time last year : )

    4) i realized i get a bonus paycheck next month : )

    so….. i feel confused because i’m not good at Counting like that, but i feel Rich : )

    my sassy self is like, “lk, make sure you also say that i am very very good at math, just not counting” lol, yup, mama says, “your brain is a computer” & she says, don’t give it faulty data : )))

  83.  #83Mel on March 22, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Thanks lk and Lilibelly!

    I do just need to trust how I feel. Which is wonderful and hopeful and excited and actually calm.

    And I love that we can just “exist” together and it still feels good. Like I can be quietly working away on some extra creative project or another on my laptop, or curled up reading about bees and he can be doing some tidying or woodworking or artwork and every once in a while we look up and smile or share something cool, and neither of us needs to be entertained. But we’d both rather be together than apart, even if we’ve got stuff on the go.

    And lk, I totally agree about the bad feelings just being my “stuff”. It’s so refreshing to be able to recognize that. And I love how when a good guy hears you all upset, but you are not blaming and taking full responsibility… that they want nothing more than to help you work through that stuff.

  84.  #84Senior Lady Vibe on March 22, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    @503: Starla says:
    “…slv, my good friend has, and she swears by it. i want one, but i’m terrified….”

    Thanks for the input. That hair remover could be a good product for me. There’s no heat, cords, batteries or need for extra products or magnifying glasses. Better than tweezers.

    I’ve waxed at home and had done it in beauty parlor when i had eyebrows… Not enough hair now for threading.

  85.  #85Femininewoman on March 22, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Yayy Lillybelle
    Yayy Laughing Goddess

  86.  #86Daria on March 22, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    April Rose – actually – sorry to disagree Dominique – I would use castor oil (rub on at night) to thicken eyebrows (even lashes).

    Also Folligen from is a line that I trust for results. You can check the forums for others’ experiences. The products are strong.

  87.  #87Senior Lady Vibe on March 22, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    @44: Francesca says:
    “…I love going to the library…
    …and be amongst books, just browse from row to row …What are you sirens reading?…”

    I’m at library right now! I’ve only been reading non-fun stuff this week but I have borrowed from library several seasons of PROJECT RUNWAY DVDs and I’ve been watching those in the early mornings. They are always so inspiring…

    @54: Silver Moonbeam says:
    ” Nicci French, if you can get English books over there (wherever you are lol) get Secret Smile a top read!..”

    Yay! I just found public library has about fifteen or so of her titles!!! None available at my local branch unless I want to read electronic version or audio download…but I ordered a “Secret Smile” hard copy. Could you recommend any of her other books?


  88.  #88Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 1:00 pm


    RE: #38 – “Brenda you are the one engaging in the phone conversation and texting. Remember you don’t have to answer your phone. You can just tell him you prefer to talk to when when there is a solid plan to meet and leave it at that. I feel confused as to why you would want him coming to your home? For the first meeting it should be outdoors.”

    I feel frustrated. I want to say that you don’t get an accurate perception of reality when you assume the worst.

    I took the call in order to tell him the feeling messages, which I detailed in my post. The implication was I gave him one last chance to step up in conversation. And now, I have decided to not continue this electronic relationship. And that was after all of you encouraged me to give them a chance. So I gave him a chance.

    I never said I was inviting him to come to my home. It is well established that Rori says at least for the first date, have them come to your town. He seems too hard pressed to drive 20 minutes after taking one minute to simply look up my town on mapquest, since he doesn’t have a GPS.

  89.  #89lk on March 22, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    awwww ((( i am a butterfly ))) : ))))

    i feel like i’m swimming in the ocean hearing such nice words !!! thank you : )))


    “b.) Are you saying that he is showing me dedicated, impassioned pursuit, and I’m just not seeing it?”

    hmmmm…. if jackCD is ready for a Forever relationship…. i do believe that there is no “room” or “Space” for dedicated, impassioned Pursuit if there is any “crumb-taking”… so maybe he is Trying, but there is No Room ? I picture trying to feed a bunch of animals, but you can’t cross the room to the feed-trough because the animals are all up in your grill lol…

    OR, if he isn’t ready, maybe, he is finding it amazing that little him (little young man who feels Not Ready to Do Relationship in a Forever Way) can win such an amazing goddess with just the little things he can manage to think up (snuggling close when you are sitting near, teasing or complimenting you, staring at you from afar lol…) so you inspire him to have hope that he will One Day be able to win a Siren like you, HOWEVER, he knows on some level that he isn’t ready, so he isn’t Pursuing you like that.

    BUT i want my Man to Pursue me in a way where i don’t feel confused. i want to know he sees me as a Beautiful Woman that he wants to Date & then Build Commitment Together : )

    so… i’m not sure : ) i hope that feels helpful to read……. i was thinking & feeling curious if you’ve ever softly said to jackCD, “mm it feels good to sit so close to you right now…. my whole body is tingling… & i feel safe with you since you are such a good friend” : ) or whatever you are really really really feeling. you can get super-gutsy with them… but you must be un-attached to the outcome, without expectations, to take pleasure in the results : ) yummy : )

  90.  #90Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Francesca and Moonbeam,

    Since I said nowhere in my post that I wanted to meet him at my home, I feel a lil shocked that everyone thought that was what I was implying, after we just had that whole long, drawn out discussion about Mr. Cop, where I specifically said NO to him coming to my house the first two times.

  91.  #91Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    April Rose,

    RE: #44 – Thank you.

  92.  #92Iamabutterfly on March 22, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    @89 lk – Thank you!!! Super-helpful insight. He is super-immature, but I feel like I am too…lol. 🙂 I definitely need to use more feeling messages. That is probably what I struggle with the most…just telling him how I’m feeling in the moment…so he understands better…

  93.  #93Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    RE: My #37 – I feel frustrated when I feel misunderstood. And I feel doubly frustrated when the specific questions I asked were ignored:

    How do I tactfully end it? I don’t want to just cut him off with no explanation.

  94.  #94Senior Lady Vibe on March 22, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    @46: Silver Moonbeam says:
    “…I would never meet a man for a first date in my home…”

    I agree, even more since I’ve been watching “Criminal Mind” episodes late at night. The same applies for going to a guy’s home or getting into his car.

  95.  #95Mochaberri on March 22, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    April Rose not sure if someone answered you about how to tame sparse eyebrows – a good product is a brow gel. I would also recommend not getting them waxed or threaded very often. I used to go every two weeks and I found that I was losing my shape and the tail was being cut off so I had to pencil it in. I know get them waxed every 3-4 weeks and to maintain as Dominique suggested I tweeze the strays and use the brow gel for stay put action

  96.  #96Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Yay, I’m going to a conference next Thursday to Saturday with a good friend! It will be a good time PLUS a perfect setting to CD!

  97.  #97lk on March 22, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    yay, brenda !!!

  98.  #98Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Speaking of eyebrows, Kenny used to have a unibrow until I got bold enough to mention it to him, LOL. Then he started shaving between them.

  99.  #99Femininewoman on March 22, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Pardon me Brenda. I understood:

    “He said he agrees and we talked a little bit about where I live”

    as a discussion of him possibly coming to your home.

  100.  #100lk on March 22, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    brains are so weird. i just was skimming a huge document & i went back, like, “oh i thought i saw the word, ‘hospital'” & i looked… looked again… found ‘medical center’ lol how odd that my brain is so aware, yet so absent

  101.  #101Silver Moonbeam on March 22, 2012 at 1:17 pm

  102.  #102Femininewoman on March 22, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Brenda I believe Rori teaches no explanations because men know we owe them nothing until they offer us some kind of commitment. Also it is your phone and you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to. Also right now all you have are words, so truly, nothing has started so there is nothing to end.

  103.  #103Leo on March 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    Hi Sirens!
    Waow… this have been some amazing 7 days…
    Last Thursday my man and I were chatting on the messanger (as we dont live together). There was some deep connection so I gathered all my courage and spoke up… spoke(well…wrote) about things that bothered me. He was trying to understand but didnt quite. He said: “Lets talk about this on the Weekend when we do our biking tour”. Well… on Friday he had an accident (fell on his head, needed some stiches, but besides that everythigns ok now). Of course it hurt and it drained him, so we didnt go biking. Cause of his injury I didnt wanna talk about it further, but he made some comments indicating that he clearly didnt get me.
    He was kinda cute, wanted me to stay till Monday, and actually come back Monday night to “take care of him” because he felt sooo “ill” 😉 This night didnt go so well. We had a little misunderstanding that led to a bad mood. This situation was connected to what I was trying to tell him. So this time…I truely spoke up…spoke my truth. After the speech and throughout the discussion he was kinda shocked.He totally did not know that I felt and thought this way. He was kinda hurt too. Once and again he became a little defensive (like I was dramatizing and such) but I got him calmed down again. At some point, we made a cut, he understood me, and told me some things I will work on. Later that night, we sat cuddeling on the couch. Tuesday, he wanted me to come over again. We had our deep connection back. Wednesday morning, he said good bye when I left for work…and said ‘I love you’ again (which he hadnt for over 2 months). He has been initiating contact a couple times during the day which feels so nice.

    It doesnt seem…he acts differently because I told him all these things… but because we reconnected. I am so much looking forward till tomorrow and our weekend together.
    I feel so proud of myself for speaking up…. especially….because next Wednesday we have our forth anniversary 🙂

    Just felt like sharing this experience…
    Trust yourselves…your feelings… then you know what to do!


  104.  #104Femininewoman on March 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Yayy Leo

  105.  #105lk on March 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    wow, leo : ) thanks for sharing that… i want to feel that deep connection & i want to be open about my feelings so we can both feel safe & loved… that sounds amazing & i want that ! : )))

  106.  #106T-Girl on March 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    So now I am feeling a little deflated because I had the Match Matrix guy run mine and J’s birthdays to check our compatibility (he is doing it on Facebook) and apparently we are not compatible in the long run. I dont know if I believe in that stuff but it is bothering me more than I care to admit.

  107.  #107lk on March 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    when cd picked me up yesterday, i was really hungry & craving baby treats…. & cd had brought me candy & my favorite car-trip treat & then he also absolutely read my mind about a secret desire i had (that i felt embarrassed about) & he said out of the blue, what if X happened ? that would be awesome : ) LOL yep, i think so too & i’m shocked & excited that you agree : )))

  108.  #108Goodheart on March 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    I feeling very down today. Actually, I’ve been feeling down for several weeks. My stomach has been acting weird – all acidy, gurgly with occasional sharp pains. I just feel all freaked out. I cry at the drop of a hat (no, I’m not pregnant – did a urine test). But I am normally just super healthy & this is really upsetting me. My family health history is not great, but I eat very healthy (8-10 servings of fruit/veggies a day), lots of water, exercise. I do like my chocolate, but I only eat the dark. And I have those fru fru coffee drinks 1-2 times a week. Also, my back is hurting (but I have had an achy back for years) & my brother had this & had to have his gallbladder removed.

    I swear I just can’t function lately – my brain is everywhere & I keep crying.

    I want to trust the universe. I keep saying to myself “my body is self-healing.” I want the universe to take care of this for me.

  109.  #109Starla on March 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Some random guy i never went out with because he quit pursuing me texted me saying he is upset cuz i dropped him like he was covered in baby oil or something, after i had already assured him i wasn’t ‘ignoring’ him. LOL. i said oh goodness actually i feel really weirdbad reading that, and that i was sorry he feels dropped too…

    he stopped texting me then. ah well.

  110.  #110Sun Goddess on March 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Oh Sirens,
    I have been so bad about leaning forward with LP since I have been back. Today I invited him to the hockey game and he said that he was sorry that he couldn’t go because he has to do some things for work. I told him “no problem”. I invited a girl from work to go with me instead and I know we are going to have fun, but I’m a little upset with LP because if his dad had invited him, he would go even with his work stuff needing to be done. I don’t know how to tell him I feel hurt by this or even if I should. Maybe I am being a spoiled brat right now, because he is going to be taking care of our dog while I am gone this weekend and picking up my children from school on Monday. Help!

  111.  #111Senior Lady Vibe on March 22, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    @106: T-Girl says:
    “…apparently we are not compatible in the long run. I dont know if I believe in that stuff but it is bothering me more than I care to admit….”

    Well, if I Matrix Match guy told me that my Sweetie and I weren’t compatible for the long run (I guess that’s eternity), I’d settle for a hundred years or so. Who knows in a hundred years of good relationship, we might make ourselves compatible for a longer term…

  112.  #112lk on March 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm


    “horoscope” things are weird because

    a) a lot of people use static data to “read” dynamic, complex situations (e.g. ignoring precession, etc.)

    b) a ton of humans were induced or born by c-section

    c) the universe is mysterious : )

    so… i say, no sweat : )

  113.  #113Senior Lady Vibe on March 22, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Wise words [and dating advice] from DR PEPPER/SEVEN UP, Inc.:

    “Be yourself. Be refreshing.”


  114.  #114T-Girl on March 22, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Thank you SLV and LK for snapping me out of that useless funk.

  115.  #115Senior Lady Vibe on March 22, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    @114: T-Girl


  116.  #116Francesca on March 22, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Brenda @90

    Sorry Brenda. I guess I misunderstood.

    Minding my own business now.

  117.  #117lk on March 22, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    (((Goodheart))) i feel interested if you eat gluten. i know it’s so trendy to dx that, but my good lady friend has really similar symptoms & she notes them particularly after processed gluten & processed dairy. what do you think ? i feel sure that you will rally soon : )

  118.  #118lk on March 22, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    & she had her gall bladder checked out, too, but that wasn’t it

  119.  #119light heart on March 22, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    Hi Goodheart,
    Have you read any of Dr. Christiane Northrup’s books?
    Very holistic. You might get some insight there. Many times symptoms like this are hormonally based, esp if you are perimenopausal, (i don’t know how old you are) which could start as early as the mid thirties.
    this too shall pass….

    light heart

  120.  #120Jessie1000 on March 22, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    My kids will be home today and my anxiety is rising. Its been so easy balancing studying and my beau but now I am back to the grind of single motherhood. Rush here, read here, shop for groceries, cook a meal, read again, bath the little one, feed them snacks, take them to see their friends, answer the phone, talk to the man, go to the gym, wash my hair, wash my ass lol, fill the car, go to school, mark school, answer emails, ignore my neighbours, prepare to teach, make sure my oldest is home, or out, or in school, or on the bus….clean the dishes, smile at the roommates….lol
    Thats just one day
    I dontknow how to be fun sometimes
    Im so happy to sleep in today and not have to run to day care.
    Tomorrow it starts again
    I feel my momma identity coming back….im already wearing my slippers in and out of the car lol like i do when im in a rush with the boys
    I feel my sexuality slipping to the side and I feel like motherhood eats away at…encroaches on my
    …..other side that is like a teenager deep down
    My face looks like it is about to say ….eat all your brocolli and dont forget your lunch
    instead of saying omg yes! I want to lay in bed all day and drink wine tonight and be cuddled
    lol wah wah wah poor me
    No one should have to raise kids this way
    No one should have no family to depend on whatsover
    Im a self created orphan
    Im a self created individual
    My orphan voice says that it would be nice to eat sunday supper with my family….like boiled potatoes and steak and canned peas
    My orphan voice is afraid to spend money cause theres no one to bail me out if I fail or get sick or get unexpected bills
    My orphan voice wonders what is happening to the body i was connected to for 9 months when I was being created….is it longing for me?
    My orphan voice is frightened to do anything wrong because it hurts to be rejected
    My orphan voice wants my body to act perfectly and never do anything to upset anyone
    My orphan voice feels lonely because shes very hard on my body and gets very angry when my body makes mistakes
    My orphan voice thinks that she is protecting ME from more hurt
    But now I think my orphan voice causes some of my own misery and loneliness
    I wish that my orphan voice would shut the hell up
    I wish my orphan voice would shut up permanently and not only when im someones wife
    WHy does she shut up the second I have a ring on my finger and then nag nag nag the second that Im single?
    I dont want to be married to be happy
    I dont want to be perfect all the time
    I dont want to be lonely
    I feel tired from writing out the craziness in my head cause on paper….i feel my abnormalities lol
    I feel my randomness
    I feel my eccentricity
    I feel my exposure
    I feel exposed
    How sireny is that stuff?
    How sireny are those feelings?
    NO one on any boat would chase across water for me….lol they would pick up an oar and start paddling
    My silence locks me up inside a prison cell
    but my speaking my feelings pushes everyone else away
    I feel waves always hitting my body
    I feel like the shore of a beach constantly being pushed and flung around
    I feel waterfalls crashing down on my head
    No one is standing under the waterfall with me

  121.  #121Lush_Oasis on March 22, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    @FW #36
    Thanks for taking time to offer words of advice. I appreciate all your feedback. I understand your comment is to think of him as a brother; however, I don’t know how that will benefit me in this situation. Are you able to expand on that thought? We have been together for around 4 months now.

    @SMB #56
    I know this post wasn’t directed towards me, but I have to admit the vibe and energy made me feel incredibly excited and happy to see what happens next when I read, “… maybe we are all on the edge of something big about to happen!!” Yay!

    @T-Girl #106
    WoW! I’ve tried the MatchMatrix thing too and feel misguided by the results on many relationships (i.e., mom, dad, children, ex1, ex2, friends, CDs, etc.) that I don’t know what to believe. The matches that scored the highest (best) percentage for succeeding either as friends / lovers or both typically ended in disaster. And then I keep recalling the results for Sandra Bullock and her ex-husband James? and how she had like 94% for both friends & lovers but that didn’t seem to help that relationship much either. I feel misinformed and misguided by the site and tend to rely on my feelings now. Oh — and this site, too, naturally. 😉

    @SLV #113
    LOL. Just .. lol. Thanks 😀

    Hope everyone enjoyed their day!

    @Brenda — IRT ChemicalCD, CopCD, and all the rest of them. I understand your frustration for not wanting to continue a ‘virtual’ conversation with ChemicalCD. Given recent relationship pitfalls, I’d feel happy though just to have at least these two [Chemical & Cop] if not others, too, for fine tuning your “Wish / Want List” and feeling messages. What do you think? Good luck 🙂

  122.  #122lk on March 22, 2012 at 2:32 pm


  123.  #123Daria on March 22, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    yay! this feels inspiring!

  124.  #124lk on March 22, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    i know i’m “psychic” & i feel bad for making myself feel delusional. i believe that human bodies are extremely sensitive to any motions of any energies & of course we can read the coming waves in the clouded sky, duh !

  125.  #125light heart on March 22, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    (((((FlowerChild)))))), I hope you are doing OK

    I love this latest article, how she talks about not feeling good with the man, and you know, that’s all you need to know, really, because it tells you loud and clear there is not a vibrational match there with what is in your ‘vibrational escrow’ (LOAterm means the same as dharma, karma)

    and when we wallow in the negativity of it longer than it takes to know that we don’t want that,
    we start feeling bad about ourselves for making a mistake, beating ourselves up by asking ourselves, why am I so unlovable ? and this is simply self-abandonment and abuse, the shells around our heart get thicker,

    it’s almost like we’re using the situation as an excuse not to go into what actually is our true vibrational match – all that good stuff which is cued up and waiting for us to step into and claim, after all this time of “sifting though the sands of men” (i love it!)

    we can practice the art of allowing by letting go resistance and the need to control, and not be fixated on any one particular man, no matter how much we want it to work with that one man, and instead, free-flow, and allow, and the right man will show up

    light heart

  126.  #126Dominique on March 22, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    Daria – I feel appreciative of the apology, but really there is no need. I speak from my experience, and I am fully open to others experiences which may not look like mine. I have heard of castor oil for thickening. It didn’t help me, but if it helps you, I feel pleased, and it may someone else.


  127.  #127FlowerChild77 on March 22, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    T-Girl…Rori talks about this kind of stuff (though I can’t remember which program it’s in) and she says that if the information makes you feel good—great. If it scares you or makes you feel bad, then to stay away from it.

    I felt relieved when I heard her say this because I am a ‘textbook’ pisces and often wonder about compatible signs, etc.

    I hope this helps you feel better <3

  128.  #128Sun Goddess on March 22, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    LP just called wanting to know who I am going to the game with. I offered to take his daughter and he said no she couldn’t go because he has to do something with her for her school. I told him that his story was falling apart. He said no it wasn’t that this was going to be a short thing with his daughter and that he still has so much work to do.

    I then took a deep breathe and sat old him that I felt upset that he wasn’t going and that I felt felt second rate because he always goes with his dad. He tried to elaine to me that he would have loved to have gone and his dad gives him more notice than I did. He quickly said goodbye and hung up.

    Part of me is proud of myself for speaking my mind and the other part wants to break down into tears. I don’t want to cry right now because I don’t want to ruin my makeup.

  129.  #129Dominique on March 22, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Bren – I haven’t read all the way through yet to see if anyone helped you with this. I would say something like, “I’m not feeling a connection here. It felt good meeting you (if it did). I wish you well in your search.”


  130.  #130Sun Goddess on March 22, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Ugh, I hate autocorrect!

  131.  #131light heart on March 22, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Sun Goddess,
    I vowed to myself to never tell a man anything he does makes me feel second rate, because it gives away my power. What I can do is make it very clear to him where he can really feel that it’s important to me to be included more often, (or whatever is bothering me) and then just see what he does, meanwhile you go around your merry life.

    light heart

  132.  #132Sun Goddess on March 22, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Light heart,
    Never thought of it like that. Oops, guess I am still learning. And, I am not going to beat myself up over it. I stepped out of my normal behavior to tell him I was feeling upset instead of bottling it in like I usually do…so that is progress for me even if I didn’t use the right words. 🙂

  133.  #133Daria on March 22, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    light heart – hmm…. to me that doesnt give away my power, but rather reveal my vulnerability.

    rori uses those kind of words in some of her scripts

    “I feel like im second best and I dont want to tolerate feeilng that way”

  134.  #134Daria on March 22, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    Sun Goddess – it sounds like u did great expressing yourself, but also probably a bit blamy and he didnt want to fight

    now you have clear info that his dad invites him ahead of time, if you ever want to pursue and invite the princess again you know what his requirements are

    that feels kinda icky writing but just saying, every person has their requirements in the feminine mode, so those are his when he’s being pursued/invited

  135.  #135FlowerChild77 on March 22, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    Brenda…thank you for your response to my meltdown last night.

    I decided to eat an orange (instead of going to McDonald’s) but it wasn’t hard to resist the junk food—the Marianne Williamson program has helped me with this. (At least something I’m doing is working!) Then I meditated and went to bed.

    I don’t know if I really hate myself or if I just feel like a fool for still loving this guy and not learning waaaaaay back there that he wouldn’t change.

    He called today, but not until late this afternoon and I answered. At one point he hung up on me. (Really?)

    I told him I feel like I don’t matter and that I don’t know what to say anymore. Surely, in over three months time, he could have found an afternoon/few hours to spend with me. Of course he didn’t like it, but I don’t care. “I feel invisible” etc. wouldn’t have gotten his attention or gotten the message across.

    I know that wasn’t FMs but I feel so far gone that I don’t think it would have made any difference how I said it. I told him I still loved him, but that I don’t want this and that I don’t know what’s going to happen with us.

  136.  #136Daria on March 22, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    i feel surprsied at myself about he sarcasm about “the princess” … whoa… i apologize Sun Goddess

  137.  #137Daria on March 22, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    basically like rori says when we lean forward we set ourselves up to feel disappointed and then kabow… we feel bad and the connection and relationship suffers

  138.  #138lk on March 22, 2012 at 3:08 pm


    just checked it out – really cool : )

    i read the “hxte mail” ….. & it was really interesting.

    this one made me LOL:

    “If HAES worked doctors would recommend it. You fxcking fxt rxtard do you realize your propaganda is kxlling people?”

    Dieting doesn’t work and doctors recommend that all the time. Regardless, I don’t know how I’ll ever manage to do as much for society as someone who calls people “fxcking fxt rxtards”. Kudos to you, good use of your limited time on Earth.

    wow that woman is sassssy ! & i like it : )

  139.  #139Daria on March 22, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    flowechild – “i feel like i dont matter” is an exccellent fm

  140.  #140Daria on March 22, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    lk – hehe i didnt read the hate mail… kidna feel worried it might feel bad…

  141.  #141lk on March 22, 2012 at 3:18 pm


    a couple things felt bad, but most were so silly, that the overall feeling was good : ) plus, the lady had turned her hxte mail into an ads page, so she’s makin’ bank on the hxters lol

  142.  #142FlowerChild77 on March 22, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Lightheart…thank you. I think part of the problem is that I don’t know if I really DO want another man….or if I’m just content to be on my own. I do enjoy a lot of things by myself. I don’t know….

    I really, honestly don’t know what I want. So I understand why the Universe can’t help me until I get clear about it.

    I feel better now that I got it out of my system and told him how I feel. It doesn’t help that this is day two of what’s turning out to be a monster headache. I’m not quite through menopause yet, so it could be hormonal. And also could be why I’m so weepy the last few days. It’s hard to think when my head is pounding this way.

    I do feel unlovable sometimes…like I have no real worth all by myself (ie: without money, or something someone needs from me.) I think maybe I feel so awful inside because now that I look back on it—I think I was trying to ‘buy’ some love from him. And even that didn’t work.

    I gotta get out of this funk….even meditating isn’t working today. I’m gonna watch some reruns of “Friends” because it makes me laugh out loud and I think I need that about now…

    Thank you all for being so nice to me for no reason.

  143.  #143Daria on March 22, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    ((((FlowerChild)))) have you ever written directly to Rori? u can probably get thru her assistant i think its

  144.  #144April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    No reason, FlowerChild, except that you are beautiful and gorgeous and deserve to be worshipped.

  145.  #145FlowerChild77 on March 22, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    I, at least, feel proud of myself that I haven’t tried to ‘fake-comfort’ myself with food of any kind. This is a huge step for me. I even had to get groceries and didn’t “treat” myself to goodies from the deli or get any ice cream—only the healthy foods I need.

  146.  #146April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    I think eyebrows are okay, nice even. I will work on mine, and thank you, ladies, for all the advice.

  147.  #147April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Yes, Flowerchild, you could write directly to Rori.
    Sometimes you get lucky and she answers straight away.

  148.  #148Daria on March 22, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    lk – heehe im reading it, it does feel fun a nd also kinda tense to read ‘battling’

  149.  #149FlowerChild77 on March 22, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    “flowechild – “i feel like i dont matter” is an exccellent fm”

    Daria…thank you. I guess it is, afterall.

    “No reason, FlowerChild, except that you are beautiful and gorgeous and deserve to be worshipped.”

    AprilRose…awww that made me cry. Thank you. I know I really need to work on this.

    Thank you everyone for being so kind. I can really feel it.

    I’m thinking this new thread is pretty much what Rori would say to me if I did write to her about this. Although *I* am the one holding up the show as far as moving back there and/or getting married.

    If I went over there right now and said, “Let’s go to the court house and get married!” He would jump in the shower and be ready to go in a heartbeat. I think this is what confuses me. But I want to feel good about the relationship BEFORE taking it any further, whether that looks like changing my address or my last name.

  150.  #150Lizka on March 22, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Day 3 of the challenge of my life went well. I had no urge of leaning forward.

    But I had a extremely bad day at work.

    For a few weeks already, I am not enjoying my work as much as I did before. Actually this work is not in my area of expertise but it’s “easy money” and I liked the company and my collegues also.

    But now, I don’t enjoy my collegues as much. I don’t get along that much with my team leader and even if I try very hard, I am not getting very good results lately and this is very demotivating.

    I wish I could find a position in my domain, wich is history, or even something in cosmetics or fashion for wich I already have experience and high interest.

    And today, I got a meeting with my team leader and the director and they put me on a probation for 2 months. If I don’t reach specific objectives for the next two months, I’m gonna get fired.

    This feels so humiliating and I cried so much all alone in the bathroom. I felt so lonely and angry and it felt so unfair.

    I am writing this and I am crying again.

    I feel so afraid to be fired. Like what am I gonna say to my parents and my friends? And how am I gonna pay my bills? And this would mean my project of going to Rome this summer would fall apart.

    I feel desperate. And there’s like no one I can talk about it to. 🙁

  151.  #151Daria on March 22, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    its feelin fun!!! haha… she says “back off while i represent for the Fat side!” hahaha 🙂

  152.  #152Daria on March 22, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    FlowerChild – the targeting Mr. Right poem is:

    “date at least 3

    keep the focus on me

    until there’s a ring

    AND I FEEL GOOD!” (the last part is important)

  153.  #153sensual on March 22, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    gosh my date went extremely well last night, i felt so confident and comfortable with him and we just got on great. He told me he fell for me when I was doing kareoke last week because i was singing silly songs and I was being so “cute and happy” aww. he will not stop emailing / calling today. whoa. he’s on a flight and emailing constantly. but in relation to the matchmatrix thing, i looked our astrology up today as i got his complete birthdata (time, year etc) and we are totally incompatible it says too :(. haha we’ll see. Other bad thing tho was that when we kissed he really waasn’t good. I kept getting his teeth eeew. I feel really surprised recently how a couple of the guys who are 40ish and good looking can’t kiss. Like who have you dated over the years that allows you to kiss with your teeth! i don’t understand! lol

  154.  #154sensual on March 22, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    I am finding it hard, when a guy calls me …when there is a moment of silence i keep filling in with “how are you? or so what are you up to today?” and then i’m all Doh!! afterwards. i did it with Scorpion on Sunday and with new guy this morning. agh so hard to allow silence because I have a fear that they might think i’m boring if i don’t keep the conversation flowing 🙁

  155.  #155Daria on March 22, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    (((((Lizka))))) you can talk to us. , in 2 months it will be time for Rome. Adn i think this is the universe nudging you towards smoething that feels better. liek the Histoary position. I thnk going to Rome might bring u new contacts and new opportunities for such

  156.  #156Goodheart on March 22, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    Thank you lk & lh. My gluten intake is very very minimal. My typical days start with eggs/veggies/cheese, a banana. Then I munch on almonds, dried plums & for lunch usually a salad. Blueberries & an apple in the afternoon. Some sort of chicken or salmon with veggies for dinner (an occasional hamburge/no bun). I also drink red tea & black tea (unsweetened). Anyway, I really don’t believe it’s gluten related. Also, it’s not just after I eat – it’s all the time (just this constant gnawing in my stomach).

    I will checkout Northrup’s books. I don’t believe I am perimenopausal (regular periods – including right now).

    I just feel frustrated & I should be enjoying things so much right now, but I’m not.

    I am in the process of feeling better (that feels better).

    Tell a better story.

    My body is self-healing & is in the process of righting itself. The universe is conspiring to do me good.

  157.  #157FlowerChild77 on March 22, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    (((Lizka))) Yes, we are here and you can talk to us. I feel sad thinking of you crying in the bathroom after going to the “principal’s office.” 🙁

  158.  #158Goodheart on March 22, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    My last comment went to moderation for some reason – no idea why.

  159.  #159Daria on March 22, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    sensual – whenever theer is that silence i KnOW that thats where the attraction is… if i keep silent they will feel attracted to me… (it works). that helps me

  160.  #160sensual on March 22, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    @Daria, oh wow thank you that is a really powerful thought! now i feel excited for the silence! haha

  161.  #161Sassy on March 22, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    FC, give yourself a break! Treat yourself kindly and lovingly.
    Do you have to make a choice or decision right this minute?
    I totally get what you are going through and how you feel. Remember, you, me, and Tiffany have similar backgrounds with co-depency tendencies being huge issues for us.
    We all have moments in time where we don’t feel good about ourselves and don’t like the way we are being treated by our men or our families or friends.
    It’s ok!!
    No matter what decision you make or when you make it, please be certain that you are following what is right for you!
    If you leave him, he will survive! He’s a man!
    And maybe, if you leave and give yourself some time to fall in love with yourself again, you may decide to allow another man, a different man, a better man into your heart.
    If you need to express privately, you have my email. I’m always open and available to listen.
    Much love

  162.  #162Jessie1000 on March 22, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Lizka…sorry to hear about your position. Once I got fired from a chinese restaurant that I was working at, a very bad waitress, I was! Anyway, it was boring and my boss told me I was making the business terrible cause I was so crabby but then right after that I started university because I HATED boring jobs and now Ive found what I really am good at and I like it too….If the worst happens ….look at it as an opportunity for you to find something that you click with cause then once you find something you love to do, it will never be work again…..hopefully.
    Either way, Im sorry to hear you felt worried and were pressured and undoubtedly treating you like is a stupid way to try to make someone do something ….Its like capitalism means we must value money over all else….even over feelings, over well being, even over our children and families and not a nice umbrella to live under….big hugs

  163.  #163lilybelle on March 22, 2012 at 4:22 pm


    I wish I had the words to tell you that would cause you to feel better but this is one thing that keeps popping into my head…

    You have everything within you to make decisions that are FOR just have to trust that. And, there is nothing wrong with are loveable and loved.

    And good for you on continuing on the healthy food path…I am not even close to thinking about doing that..

  164.  #164Starla on March 22, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    I am feeling love for everyone here on the blog this afternoon:)

    ((((((((april rose))))))))))))
    ((((((((((lush oasis))))))))))
    ((((((((((sun goddess))))))))))
    (((((((((light heart)))))))))

    sorry if i missed anyone=/

  165.  #165April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    I am finding that being in feminine energy and enjoying my own humble self in a man’s company overrides any reports of incompatibility from Matchmatrix or astrology.

    According to MMatrix I have 18% compatibility with the man I’m living and working with 24/7.

    In the past I have really felt this to be so. 18% to me equalled approximately one day a week when we would get along harmoniously.

    Now, with Rori’s tools and with me giving up control (he is now ‘in charge’ and I have let go of insisting everything be done my way) he is working hard to make me happy and every moment is a real or potential joy.
    I can turn any situation around with a smile or a melt or an apology or an “oh, I don’t know what to do about such and such – I know you’ll find a solution,

    For me, my feminine way of being has evolved from a genuine desire not to think, plan, organise, suggest, advise, or initiate. Those things feel so forced if I try them, and it hurts me to try. Anything that feels like ‘effort’ is a great indicator that I’m operating in masculine energy.
    Femininity is effort-less.

  166.  #166Dominique on March 22, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    I feel SO happy. I got double hugs. Thank you Starla. Much needed. <3


  167.  #167lilybelle on March 22, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    Hee Hee, you sure did, Dominique!

  168.  #168Goodheart on March 22, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Thanks Starla.


  169.  #169Jessie1000 on March 22, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    starla….ur so warm and sweet….and attentive to everyone

  170.  #170Lizka on March 22, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    Thank you Daria, FC and Jesse for worrying about me.

    I know it’s a possibility to find a new job that I like more, but right now it just feels awful and humiliating.

    Every week I receive an email from the professional network of my old university and they sent me job offers in history. I applied to two jobs in museums today. They feel pretty interesting. But I have no experience in history besides my passion and my bachelor degree. I don’t think I have a lot of chance to get just an interview with them. We’ll see.

    I feel so lonely in this world and I don’t want to go to the office tomorrow and neither next week because there is a very bad ambiance there now. My boss barely looks or talk to me and she always seems mad at me. There is too much pressure and I don’t like it. I just feel angry when I’m in front of my computer and I have to produce produce produce and every moves I make is being watched and judged.


    I just got off the phone with one of my girl friend and she was very comprehensive and very nice. It’s just sad that she is less comprehensive about ATW. She thinks I should move on and that he’s not a good man for me and put all the blame on him. But right now, he is not my priority and I don’t really care about him. I’m not even sure I will tell him about my situation at work.

  171.  #171April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    Thanks Starla. ((((Starla))))

    I have to a add one for my over-plucked and now-missing eyebrow.
    (((((April Rose’s eyebrow)))))

  172.  #172Dominique on March 22, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Lizka and evereyone – Believing will turn your heart’s desires into reality. Hold this one close all the time.


  173.  #173lilybelle on March 22, 2012 at 4:41 pm


    LOL!!! Sorry about your eyebrow but I have to admit hugging your eyebrow made me giggle right out loud.

  174.  #174Daria on March 22, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    i love the hugs post!!! feels so fun to see ((((Starla))))

  175.  #175April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    I have to go to bed now. I’m hoping that when I wake up my eyebrow will have grown back.

  176.  #176Lizka on March 22, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    I just set myself an objective. Everyday until the end of this stupid probation, I am going to find 3 jobs that I really like and apply on them even if I am not 100% qualified. After 2 months, I should have applied on 90 fun jobs. I can’t believe one of these company won’t see my talent and hired me. And at the same time, I’m going to do my best to reach these too high objective my boss wants me to do and I might keep my job… But I think I would rather find a new one… That would feel great to have a new environment and meet new people and do something I really like…

  177.  #177April Rose on March 22, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    ((((((( all sirens eyebrows ))))))

    Night night!

  178.  #178lilybelle on March 22, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    Lizka! Good for you! Now that you have put it out there to the Universe, you just need to remain positive about all of that job stuff and like Dominique positive…even about the current position.

    You can totally rock this, Sister!

  179.  #179FlowerChild77 on March 22, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Sassy…thank you. I know some of how I feel and the ‘toxic shame’ that I still have are a huge factor in my relationships–especially this one.

    No, I don’t have to make any decisions right now and that in itself is a relief. I’m just tired of the turmoil inside and always “wondering.” I’m going to try and focus on staying in the vortex. (Lately I’ve been filling it up with a bunch of crap—I better hurry up and replace that with good stuff.)

    I know it’s true, but for some reason I have the hardest time with “The most important thing is that we feel good.” It makes so much sense and yet I feel selfish that I’m here all comfortable and secure. Like I don’t deserve that if someone else is suffering. :-/

    Lilibee…I understand what you’re saying. I know it’s all there….in me. I so admire how you are changing your life. I have so many good role models on this blog—I’m learning from the best. <3

    I am doing the best I can at "loving myself" right now by admitting that I don't know what's going to happen and by staying in my own house and tending to my own life. (vs. moving in with him like he wants.)

    The Marianne Williamson (ACIWL) book deals with all the gritty stuff that Rori deals with. So I MUST work on all this to move on to the next lesson. A lot of stuff is coming up and it's hard to love it ALL :-/ "Loving the monster inside," as Rori says in Toxic Men.

    You are all so wonderful and I thank you for being here.

  180.  #180Jessie1000 on March 22, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Lizka….I personally…not that I know ANYTHING…lol think you should tell all ur guy friends and see if they step up and nurture you….holding it in would make you feel awful and probably act wierd and sad and maybe even if he isnt a good beau…then maybe he can still be your friend and have the opportunity to say something meaningful or nice to you….I think the boys that you can count on when you are in need are the best ones….maybe they wont be future husbands but they could still be your friend….and see if they step up….unfortunately I dont know what all your issues are with him but if hes a real jerk to you right now then i guess dont but….lol I told a cab driver…hehe some stupid stuff about university once ….he was like 21 and he drove straight to a campus and took me out and walked me around and told me ….r u kidding? Anyone can go to university and I applied that week so you never know how people will be, react, or care until you try….maybe?
    I always found when Im the loneliest people like me the most…wierd eh? and see the real me and like me for my weaknesses and wierdness not the opposite….however, I dont know anything and Im about to go through a huge exam that I studied for 1 year ….almost 100 books and I told the bank teller today…hes so hot and he pretended he needed my number to update my file and then wrote on a piece of paper that he was going to phone me cause he thinks im wonderful…i still have the pink sticky note cause I flirt with him shamelessly every time I see him at the bank….ohhh he was so funny and said that I was the most lucky cause im smart and hot…which is soooo not true at 41 with my pot belly hangin out in my gym clothes and my Beau was waitin in the car and he said why r u smiling so i stuck the pink sticky note in my bra and told him cause *lie lie* that it was such a nice day and I was happy to hang with him….
    thats my little story for the day

  181.  #181FlowerChild77 on March 22, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    That’s a great idea, Lizka!! <3 You sound very talented. I LOVE history. That would be so interesting and stimulating to have a job in your area of interest 🙂

    Ha Ha…April Rose…leaving one '(' off (or adding an extra to the other side) in honor of your disappearing eye-brow! 😉

    That reminds me of when I was about 15. My best friend was 24 and was a hairdresser. One day I plucked WAY too many off and in the wrong places–I looked ridiculous (think the penciled in "highbrows" of the late 20's and 1930's leading ladies!)

    My friend scolded me and told me to never, ever pluck above the natural brow line (unless it's really a stray.) I check daily and pluck as needed—always remembering her shaking her head and rolling her eyes at me! :-O

    I feel very blessed and grateful that I've found this place. It's a sacred place, it is.

  182.  #182FlowerChild77 on March 22, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    Jessie 1000,

    Your story made me laugh. I don’t feel all that hot some days either. Thanks for sharing that with us. I needed that 😉

  183.  #183Lucy on March 22, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    Just popping in to say hi. Been thinking about my Siren sisters lately … miss you… wish I had more time to spend here. Things are going very well with my relationship — in large part thanks to Rori and all of you.


  184.  #184Jessie1000 on March 22, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    yah I meet boys constantly….cause im an island girl and super friendly and in this big city my personality is taken as superflirty (although its very very superficial interactions) and I think there are 2 kinds of guys….the keepers….they make your heart pound (sometimes they arent so hot but they have that thing u know?) and those guys that somehow came along and are the TODAY boys….(def. not keepers) but they did something or said something at just the right time….I dated a guy when I first moved here who was so messed up but he drove me to my first conference and I had no freakin idea where I was going and it was a huge conference and he bought me a coffee and had a smoke with me before it and walked me into the doors of the westin and then he came back….like 3 hours later, picked me up…told me I looked gorgeous ( I really didnt cause i looked not sexy but like business) and gave me a big hug and then dropped me off but I think I would have puked in a garbage can if it wasnt for him….presenting in front of crowds of professors and academics is NOT ever going to be my thing.
    I see him around sometimes and we have a special connection …he always gives me a big hug and texts me once in a while to say hi….(he was super in love with his ex and so not for me cause he needed lots of time to get over her) and he always speaks to my oldest son and gave him money for an ice cream one day in macdonalds…cause he is super good with kids and should probably have like 10….so thats kind of situation that IS what it IS….but keeping connections with everyone and all of your old CD’s I think is good and makes you feel warm and are great in pinches and sometimes they might say the right thing at the right time if you give them a chance
    ? maybe…not that I know anything

  185.  #185Lizka on March 22, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    Thank you Jessie. Yeah I might tell ATW when I see him on Sunday. But only if he asks about work. I feel so ashamed to not be good enough for this job. 🙁

    Thank you FC for saying I am talented. I don’t know if I am, but I have the passion. 🙂

  186.  #186Coco Kisses on March 22, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    Hola Sirens!!!

    I totally believe there are wonderful men out here. I love men, and do NOT think all men are dogs. SO many women have that attitude. I believe there is a man that is going to love me the way I am, just the way I always dreamed of by the end of the year.

    I feel peaceful

    I feel pretty darn good over all.

    Today I went out to eat lunch ( felt completely sick afterwards ) and I tried to be open to male energy. I tried giving deep eye conact, and I must say it is quite amazing to see the light in men’s eyes perk up when you open to that level of listening and attention.

    I’m trying to focus my energy on ME and NOT my husband. Whenever my thoughts and energy shifted towards my husband today, I felt agitated, and I instantly felt emotionally worn out.

    With my husband, I have always felt like I need to PROVE that I was good enough to be with him, for him, his issues were never as ” F**KED UP” as mine (his words exactly). He has even told me on mre than one occasion that our relationship was the second worst ealtionship he ever had, right after his marriage to his ex-wife, whom he married at age 19, and has a 15 year old daughter with. Him telling me that made me feel so sad, and unworthy.

    This is one reason why after trying and trying to make things right, I don’t feel like trying any more. I realize that I don’t have to “TRY” aka “OVERFUNCTION”.

    For me to take my husband back at this point I need to feel that he is 100% IN LOOOVVVEE with ME, COCO, the good, bad, and the ugly.

    He has to win my heart again, not in a sense where I making him beg for me ( I don’t want that), but I need to know he cares about the samllest details of my heart.Right now I feel scared (emotionally) to let him back in the house. Anyone feel where I’m coming from?

    I am still trying to remain with an OPEN HEART when I communicate with him, and I have learned from this blog forum, that I am still being closed in my heart communication, and safe, and neutral. I want my heart to be open to give him the chance to come back, should he show me that he really wants to be with me.

    Here are some Lovescripts I’ve been working on:

    Him: Hey Coco, you actually picked up?

    Me: That feels kinda weird and funny

    Him: So why haven’t you called me?

    Me: I’ve been feeling emotionally worn out, and have needed to take time with my self. So I can feel peacful and emotionally balanced.

    Him: Ok, well this is not how I expected our separation to go?

    Me: I feel confused. What are you thinking about this?

    Him: Well, I thought we would talk on a more regular basis.

    Me: I feel uneasy calling you. You requested space, and I feel better when you reach out to me. It makes me feel really good. I don’t want to pressure you, so you calling me feels good.

    or a second deeper response could be

    Me: I don’t want a phone realtionship with a man. It feels bad. I really want a realtionship with a man that thinks enough of me to spend quality time with me, that would feel very beautiful and warm. I wish I could feel like that with you, but I don’t wan to ry to control you or tell you what to do. What do you think about this?

    Him: Well I’m not sure I want to get back together right now.

    Me: Well I respect that, and I am open to whatever it is you might be thinking of doing. Till then, I feel good doing the things that make me feel happy, and I’m totally committed to creating happiness, and peace in my life.

    Sirens please give me feed back, THANKS


  187.  #187Lucy on March 22, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    Brenda, I read your posts about Mr. Chemical. Is that still up in the air?

  188.  #188Memulo on March 22, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    I feel kind of annoyed err.. So I told SmartCD on a last date that this weekend since my parents are leaving I’d like to cook dinner for him. He said it sounded lovely. Today getting his text: When can you cook? Whose house? I said: ‘Feeling that someone is getting hungry;) My parents are leaving at 7am on Saturday, I have to take care of a few things, cooking takes 3-4 hours, say 7pm? I’d love for you to come over to my place’ He replies: What day? I say: ‘Sat’. That’s it. He probably thinks that we are already in agreement, but I feel confused not to hear even a thank you for the invite. Am I crazy? Is it ok to text him again and ask to let me know by tomorrow am if he accepts?

  189.  #189Coco Kisses on March 22, 2012 at 5:47 pm


    RE#137 basically like rori says when we lean forward we set ourselves up to feel disappointed and then kabow… we feel bad and the connection and relationship suffers

    This is totally true, and this why I felt super bad sending out that text the other night, to which he NEVER even responded, even after telling me MOnday, that he was considering getting a divorce since I am sooo happy with my life, and I don’t call him or anwser his calls all like that.
    Yeah, the Key is to LEAN BACK. Messege recieved!!!

  190.  #190Daria on March 22, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    feeling sad



  191.  #191Daria on March 22, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    Coco Kisses – I will say again as i did when you first posted taht. his reference to divorce seemed more of a provocation/questioning where you’re at. I would take it as a sign that he’s feeling attracted

  192.  #192Jessie1000 on March 22, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Lizka! Why would you feel ashamed? I was a freakin terrible waitress but Im an amazing researcher….! You are not based on your job! It sounds like you are finding your way and maybe your just not greedy enough for those people or nasty enough….I was a terrible nurse too (I was a nurse for 12 year) cause I used to adore all the older people I cared for and my bosses said that I was always “spoiling” them like because I cared about their feelings and spoke nice to them and then they didnt like the care from their other caregivers ….and I bawled my eyes out whenever anyone died ….i had no ability to depersonalize and I was in Palliative care and I would feel so terrible when they passed that the family would be giving me kleenexs…haha cause i was taught to really value and care about the elderly and so i got very burned out but I fit really well in research, I like to work by myself, I love the isolation of libraries and archives and I always do what Im told when it comes to respect for my bosses and supervisers….so they like me and give me references and lots of work…so LIZKA…not that I know anything! dont be ashamed! maybe you are too good for those people! Maybe they are jealous of you! Maybe you have too much heart! Maybe you were a born skater but a terrible swimmer! Maybe you are a born mother and nurturer but a terrible salesperson! Maybe you just are Lizka and destined to go out and open your business and blow all those drones out of the water!
    Success comes from finding what you love to do not from pleasing people that dont appreciate you!!
    (not that I know anything)

  193.  #193Daria on March 22, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    it seems you’re using it to feel bad and create anxiety…

    id say just try on a diff perspecctive, vote for you, and own your power

    that was the strongest indicator to me that he’s feeling interested in you again

  194.  #194Daria on March 22, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    i would just smile to myself like, oh, okay… now he’s worried he’s losing me…

    thats GOOD!

    don’t sabotage it… the nv’s can turn it all into a bad vibe, even the most obvious good stuff

  195.  #195Healing Waterfall on March 22, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Hi Sirens,
    It is so good to catch up with everything happening in your lives and just like Starla, i am sending you all a hug…..
    I am trying really hard to not lean forward myself….but find it really is difficult when accountantCd gets back.
    I am not sure that it feels bad when I lean forward. This is the place where I really get the most confused, I feel really strange not expressing myself or texting if I have something to say.
    But I am trying to just come on here and read the blog and not lean forward.
    No Braco today, that was a real feel good event. I really wish my evenings off from being a mom I had some exciting things planned, like a date.
    They guys that I am interacting with are not asking for dates….so I am glad that I read what to say to them, it feels funny to keep emailing.

  196.  #196Lizka on March 22, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    Awww thank you Jessie. You made me cry again, byt it’s a “better” cry. Your message makes me feel hopeful.

    I feel excited about the possibility of finding a new job amd start something new. But I still feel sad and lonely tonight. I haven’t eat cause I didn’t feel like cooking. I know it’s bad and anti siren because I’m not taking care of myself. But at least I’m going to bed early… If I can find some sleep though…

    Thank you all for your support. xoxo

  197.  #197Lizka on March 22, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    Lol the good thing about this is I am thinking less if ATW. Super leaning back in my thoughts amd focusing on something else totally. It felt found to read the jobs posting on the job boards web sites tonight. I feel a little hopeful. And who knows, maybe I won’t even have to look for one? Maybe I’m gonna become a superstar at my current job and won’t have to leave? But right now I feel mad at them and I don’t feel too much like wishing to be a superstar for them. I’ll just go to work, do what I have to do, and maybe a little more if I can, and be superprofesionnal and not talk to anyone because I don’t like them anyway except for one or two of them. At least if I find a new job, I won’t have to hear about them talking about their drinks out with ATW. That feels good to think of.

    Ah I so want to find my place in this world! 🙁

  198.  #198Jessie1000 on March 22, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Coco Kisses…thats such a great label….My littlest ones father told me every day i was bad at housework (I am) that Im a bad cook (I am) that Im dumb….lol cause I have a 4.2 gpa and he told me your the dumbest 4.2 gpa ever born and I had no life smarts…he told me that i was a terrible mother and STILL sends me texts that say…FYI your a bad mother! (cause like I only sent 6 pairs of socks for my sons trip to his house and there were 8 days for a visit) and I FELT LIKE SOOO AWFUL….and the more he criticized me ….the more I did worse! I just spiralled down into awfulness and once I asked him to HELP me with the housework and he was like yah sure I do everything around here already….blah blah blah I cant do anything right….ANYWAY….exactly 1 day after I kicked him out I went out the door (I dont suggest this for anyone) and I tried to pick up the first man I FOUND….I was going to break the seal, as meagan my BF calls it…I was determined to sleep with…lol date…do anything with any man so I could wash this idiot out of my hair (this was long before rori raye but it actually wasnt as demented as it probably might have seemed for a Strategy) and couldnt find a soul….to date, sleep with, or even flirt with. My new roommates (who replaced my ex and his brother) were sitting in my house and I SWEAR that I had no sexual/physical attraction to either of them when I picked them….and I decided to wash the floor (busy work makes me feel less stressed) on my hands and knees and my new roommate asked me about my day so I told him my Strategy (which must have sounded completely crazy….and he started laughing and said WHY ARE U SO DESPERATE?
    I said who would want to date a girl with 2 ex husbands and 2 kids from 2 different dads, with no job, and no money, and no family! LOL
    And my roommate…dear guy…said OH My mother was married 3 times before she found the love of her life!!! and he was strangely mistaken or lying???
    I sort of thought that was unusual in most cultures….and so I started to talk to him and within 1 week!!! Lol he was dating me….and we got married soon after (not too soon)….

    so the moral of the story is….my roommate/new husband (5 years ago) married me when I had a brand new baby, and I couldnt cook and do housework and was pretty haggered and somewhat depressed and u know what he told me?????
    That I was the best thing that he ever met!!!
    He was telling me that only 2 weeks after my EX was telling me I couldnt do ANYTHING RIGHT!!!
    He told me that I was the biggest treasure that he ever found! He LOVED my kids even when my EX could barely take 3 seconds to see his own son!
    To this day, he would say that there was no one with a personality as good as mine….so my long winded point…and not that I know anything is….you are a treasure! Coco Kisses.
    Believe it. Feel it. And find the boys who believe it too! and some people are just mean and play games and surrounding yourself with people that think you are a treasure will make you feel good!
    Some guys control by put downs….
    Some guys dont deserve what you have to offer them but that has NOTHING to do with you!
    I stayed a long time with my EX who thought I was …honestly…completely stupid.
    TOO long.
    My next Beau absolutely thought I was wonderful and I was the exact same person
    Try to believe it until it happens to you!

  199.  #199FlowerChild77 on March 22, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    (((((Daria))))) Why do you feel sad?

  200.  #200Healing Waterfall on March 22, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    i hope you have a great time looking for new jobs Lizka!

  201.  #201Lizka on March 22, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Ok. Im off to bed. Tomorrow is Day 4 of the Cgallenge of my life. So far I’ve been doing super good and I feel very proud of it. At least there is this…

  202.  #202Coco Kisses on March 22, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    @ Daria……You are 100% right. I feel more confident today, and my energy is feels more peaceful. I feel open. I do feel like his attraction is growing. I also feel that he may feel confused at his growing attraction, since his orignal reason for leaving the house was his NOT feeling ATTRACTION or wanting to have sex anymore.

  203.  #203Coco Kisses on March 22, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    @ Daria…why do u feel sad mama?

  204.  #204Lizka on March 22, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    Thank you Healing Waterfalls 🙂

  205.  #205Memulo on March 22, 2012 at 6:11 pm


    I say you need to put all your energy into finding a new job. You have 2 months. Don’t believe their probation talk too much. 2 months. It’s a lot and the time of the year is good for looking for something new. No feelings, just action, looking for job postings and sending out your resume 😉 Best of luck!!!!!!

  206.  #206Memulo on March 22, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    And also I asked him (via text) if it’s possible I left my bracelet at his place. He said: ‘Dunno. Maybe the maid put is somewhere.’

    What am I supposed to do?? Ask the maid lol?

  207.  #207FlowerChild77 on March 22, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    “…who would want to date a girl with 2 ex husbands and 2 kids from 2 different dads, with no job, and no money?”

    This is kind of how I feel. I have one dead husband, one ex-husband, four kids (2 from each marriage) and I’m now considered “low income.”

    Yup, I can relate to this…thanks for sharing that it doesn’t have to limit me. <3

  208.  #208Lizka on March 22, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    Awww thanks Memulo! Good advice!

  209.  #209Coco Kisses on March 22, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    @ Jessie 100000
    RE #197

    I do believe it. I have learned to love me through all of this drama. I WILL have the love of my life in MY LIFE by the END of this YEAR. I am an OPEN receiver for LOVE. I am WORTHY RIGHT NOW.

  210.  #210Femininewoman on March 22, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    FC I feel so bad reading about your situation over the last couple of days.

  211.  #211Lush_Oasis on March 22, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    @Starla #163

    Thanks! I feel comforted and appreciate the postive vibe and energy you give. {{ Starla }} 🙂


    @April Rose #164

    I feel alot of positive / happy vibes from this. It gives me hope for what tomorrow holds. Thanks.


    @Dominique #171

    Absolutely — thanks for the reminder


    @Lizka #184

    I understand the emotions you’re going through IRT your job. I’d encourage you to change the vibe to one that might be more positive, “…I feel thrilled that I am better than this job; I deserve better and this company I currently work for already knows I deserve better …” or something like that.


    @Coco #185

    I still feel awed by how well you’re handling your situation and I feel sad that you are having these issues at this moment. Stay strong.

    The only concern I had after reading your potential reply to him when he calls is in the “second deeper response” section where you mention “…I don’t want a phone relationship with a man…”

    This ‘man’ is your husband and vowed to love you til death do you part. I willingly admit that I have no idea what the relationship dynamics are, but if this alternative deeper response is the given reply, I’d feel more receptive [if I were him] if it could be softened a bit; perhaps modifying a few words “I feel awful having a phone relationship with my husband …. I really want to feel connected with [you — the husband] …”

    I’m sure other sirens will offer their feedback too. Its just my first reaction. Sorry if that offends you.

  212.  #212Lush_Oasis on March 22, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    @Jessie #197

    What an uplifting story that was to read! I feel bad for your experiences leading up to the happily-ever-after dream ending, but you’re a fabulous siren! I wish you continued happiness and peace in all your relationships (husband, children, etc). Thanks for sharing your story {{ }}

  213.  #213Memulo on March 22, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    Maybe I need to talk to him in person? To say that I feel shocked and off balance when I don’t hear the same level of politeness in response? That I believe in treating close friends better than strangers and be even more polite with them? And it would feel so good to know that he uses his best manners for me?

  214.  #214Lizka on March 22, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    I wrote on my fb that I am looking for someone who works at L’Oreal. working there is one of ny dream jobs. Its not history but I have worked in cosmetics sales and I loved it. One of my contact mesaagesd me that she knows someone an we started chatting and she ended up telling me that they are hiring where she works!! Wow! Already have one opportunity!

  215.  #215Coco Kisses on March 22, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    @ Lush Oasis

    I don’t feel offended. I want feed back, because I’m new at feeling messages. I am not profecient at saying what I want and setting boundries. I will try to soften things up in my messages, and get vulnerable. so THANK YOU for your feed back.

  216.  #216Emoticon on March 22, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    Watching Beauty and the Beast. One of my favorite Disney movies, and I am only now realizing how Sireny it is. She treats the beast with love even if she is not physically attracted to him. He isn’t even nice to her at first, he’s cold, then mean. But afterwards he is so sweet and nice. He transformed completely under the influence of her love.

    I have seen this happen (on a smaller scale) in my life, but i still tend to forget sometimes and treat people badly when they treat me badly. I have been reminded.

  217.  #217FlowerChild77 on March 22, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    FW I appreciate your kindness. I know we aren’t supposed to need a man to feel sexy, but knowing he doesn’t even miss me makes me very sad. It’s a good thing I’m already working on loving my body.

    The Universe was doing me a good turn when I picked up the Marianne Williamson book. Each lesson is a treasure and is making me get brutally honest with myself. It has to get better.

    I keep trying to remember that the most important thing is that I feel GOOD! 🙂

  218.  #218Daria on March 22, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    Jessie – wow that story about crying during nursing feels inspiring to me!

  219.  #219Rori Raye on March 22, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    Goodheart – stopping eating eggs stopped my acid reflux…and my daughter’s, too. There are food sensitivities that each of us may have that can really challenge our systems. I say experiment. Do an elimination diet and slowly add things. Take probiotics throughout the day. See what happens…Love, Rori

  220.  #220Daria on March 22, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    Coco – i was feeling sad from talking (a bit longer than wouldve felt good) with a man who didnt want what i want and i felt not seen for my worth and honored

    he did give me a very important piece of information about unrelated stuff that will really help me though!

    and i can now practice shifting away from that sad draining feeling energy, even though i feel guilty and drawn in, i notice adn love that about me

    and now that im writing this im also creating rituals and special fun tools to worship myself as a goddess

    ie expanding in another direction


    thank you for aksing i felt very loved!

  221.  #221Daria on March 22, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Coco @ Lush – hmm… id rather say “man” because that takes the pressure off and … its the truth… and it avoids you language

    “my husband” avoids u language… but it feels a bit more pressury to me to fixate on him rather than be freely expressing what i dont want in complete regard to only myself

    i feel mixed feelings about this. Both versions likely are fine.

  222.  #222Daria on March 22, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    Thanks for the hugs Flower Child. starting to feel better 🙂

  223.  #223mali on March 22, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    So… guy whose hoodie I have and who kissed me when he was drunk.

    I met up with him yesterday, although it wasn’t a date as I thought it would be, as we walked with his friends to the rugby match. He paid for my ticket and explained the rules of rugby throughout the game… Walked me back home, kissed me on the cheek, and said he’s definitely see me clubbing on Friday (I’m going clubbing after my birthday meal).

    I cried about three times, because I had raised my hopes, and I guess I’d hoped he’d arrange something else… and I’ve realised that I’ve become attached to him. And it’ll wane over time, but each time I see him, I feel like I’m being hit by a tonne of bricks again… I went out after the rugby, and he was there. And I saw him, and we smiled at eachother, but just didn’t know what to say. It felt so, so awkward.

    I know I’m a Siren. I know I’m meant to be dating so many men that he doesn’t even register on my radar. But I really like him. And after he kissed me… I don’t know, I feel really, really awkward when I see him. It’s like making small-talk.

    And I don’t want to feel that way. So I’ve asked him if I can see him sometime next week, saying that I want to run something by him that’s been bugging him. My speech is going to go something like this:

    “I feel really scared being so honest… and I don’t know how to go about speaking about it, but… everytime I’ve seen you since you kissed me… I’ve felt awkward. And I don’t want to feel that way. It feels heavy and uncomfortable… I don’t know if there are meant to be rules for kissing people, whether you’re meant to forget about it, or not talk about it, or act like it didn’t happen, but… I can’t do that, and I don’t want to. So I guess I wanted to speak about it with you, because I’m feeling confused… What do you think?”

    And I know I might be on the verge of tears, and I’ll be looking at the ground, and I’ll look terrified… but I’m proud of myself for how vulnerable I’m prepared to be. It’s just eating me up, and I know many of you will not agree, but I just want your support and for you to tell me that you’ll be there for me regardless of what happens <3

  224.  #224Daria on March 22, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Coco – my feedback on the scripts… they’re sounding even more lovely and open… wonderful

    one thing to keep in mind is you’re not required – and actually encouraged not – to answer questions directly (that’s man/business stuff)

    Man: “why havent you called me”

    man/biz energy response: because… explanation

    fem energy: whoa i feel a bit taken aback… PAUSE AND SILENCE END OF RESPONSE!

    Man: well?

    fem: mmm *pouty tone* i feel kinda bad… im feeling pressured

    man: what ? are you crazy im not pressureing you

    fem: ouch that feels bad

    man: youre crazy

    fem: woman hangs up.

    ok that went kinda bad lol

    maybe fem could respond with seomting eventually, once she’s paused, and identified a feeling

    fem: mm well i feel kinda embarassed to tell u… and i actually dont feel good reaching out… it feels better to receive calls

    the idea is to get outta head / everyday regular convo

    and into the DIFFERENT realm of feelings, heart, romance… HE won’t speak this way at first, so it’s the woman who consistently replies on this level that will pull him in, regardless what energy he’s putting out

  225.  #225Coco Kisses on March 22, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    @ Mali

    RE #233

    I’m new at this , but I will say that by asking HIM if you guys could hang out, That is leaning forward. Leaning forward is calling him, texting, him, reaching out to communicate, asking him out, suggesting things to do, telling him whast to do, and questioning what he does and why.

    You want to be vulnerable not needy. I may be wrong, but the vibe of your post seems more needy to me than vulnerble.

    Perhaps some more seasoned Sirens can give you some feedback.

  226.  #226Turquoise on March 22, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    Busy day at work, we went out to dinner for CM’s birthday and my sister came with us. It was nice, we had a good time… but I just feel tired. I’m tired of being sick. My boss went home sick today, we seem to keep passing it around there. Universe, send me some healing energy please!

    Lizka, I’m sorry to hear about your job. I would feel bad too. Sometimes I know I’m not doing my best, I’m distracted with my personal life, let things slack a bit… and then feel worried I could get fired or my hours cut back. It’s just not a challenging job, and while there are things I like about it… it’s not my life passion, so I get bored putting a lot of energy into it. But, I do remember hearing that we should do our best at anything, because it is a reflection of us. And that makes sense to me. If I don’t want to be judged as a slacker, then I’d been not slack off. When I feel like they are getting irritated with me, I get ultra organized, show up to work a few min. earlier, leave my phone in my purse… and really focus on my job. And, I usually end up feeling a lot better. I hope you find some good jobs to apply for. Work would feel a lot more enjoyable, if I found one I loved!

    I’m still feeling kinda closed off, like I overshared about my personal life and gave “too many details” so I don’t really feel like I want to open myself up and say what’s happening with me. I feel like I kinda got burned. Not sure what to do with these feelings…. but I’m glad to still read and offer suggestions/advice/support that seems appropriate.

  227.  #227Daria on March 22, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    Memulo – talking abuot politeness sounds like judging him and the situation

    how about : “hmm i feel really anxious about the bracelet and i dont want to keep feeling that way. what do you think we can do?”

  228.  #228LiliBee on March 22, 2012 at 7:16 pm



    You’re so wise. You follow your feelings. You don’t feel good to move in with him, so you don’t.
    Good for you.
    Have you taken a look at meetupdotcom to get out and see people?

  229.  #229LiliBee on March 22, 2012 at 7:24 pm


    This is what turned everything around for me and change my entire outlook on my life:

    Please do some tapping with Margaret Lynch on Youtube. Just search “Margaret Lynch tapping” and choose by the title that inspires you.

    That opens you up and clears your mind and heart.

    Then you listen to Abraham Hicks videos, again on Youtube. After tapping, your mind is so clear that you soak in all of Abraham’s teachings.

    This is what has gotten me to feel so good and strong about myself.
    My outlook on my life is compeletely different.
    I feel so confident no matter what.
    I am no longer frozen and blocked.
    My thoughts and feelings just flow through me and everything in my life is constantly transforming.

    Even when I feel bad, I sink into the bad feelings and they just flow right through me and on I go onto the next feeling which is usually confidence and peace.

    That happened for me after doing tapping to Margaret Lynch and listening to Abraham Hicks only 2 or 3 times. The effect is still lasting after 2 months…even after feeling that the ceiling cave in on me.

  230.  #230mali on March 22, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    +225, Coko Kisses

    This isn’t about hanging out, this is about me sharing my feelings… I do feel a little needy, and I want to be able to embrace it and be real about it instead of pretending… I was acting cool yesterday, and it just isn’t something I want to do.

    I do understand what you¨re saying, though… I’ve made up my mind. though… and I don’t want advice, but I would really just appreciate some love and and support!

  231.  #231Memulo on March 22, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    Thank you Daria, will try to flip it!

    But I do want more politeness, so how do I express this?

  232.  #232Memulo on March 22, 2012 at 7:30 pm


    Perhaps you can go to cosmetics companies online, career section and apply?

  233.  #233Sun Goddess on March 22, 2012 at 7:34 pm


    I found your comment about LP funny. And, yes, I was blamey…mostly because I didn’t have time to construct a feeling message before he called. He was worried about who I was going with in his place. I never did tell him.

    I had a great time at the game and am so glad I took my children tonight.I have to say that I am so proud of myself for doing things I like to do and not wait on a man. I’m making such great progress though it may not look like much to others. 🙂

  234.  #234Lush_Oasis on March 22, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    @Daria #221 (IRT @ Coco #185)

    Wow. Thanks for the different angle on this. I can see your view, also.

    As with most of my issues, most of my suggestions are developed from personal experiences (some happy & good … others not so much). By my suggestion for softening Coco’s FM to include “… I feel awful; I don’t want a phone relationship with my husband …” I was pulling from a past argument that I experienced.

    Long story short — I would express my feelings to my ex in such a way “I would feel honored with a man who … [fill in the blank}”. The “man who” did NOT go over well at all; with him reacting that HE is not a MANWHO.

    After a couple reactions similar to that one with this person, I figured that by specifying him directly (i.e., boyfriend, husband, fiance, name, etc.) that he was more receptive to what I actually had to say. Otherwise, my feelings were instantly shut down the minute “Man Who” slipped from whatever I was talking about.

    Coco — you’re an awesome siren and have many of this in your grasp already. Certain you’ll do things as they feel right for you.

    Daria — I appreciate the added support. 😀 Thanks!

  235.  #235LiliBee on March 22, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    I’m in awe right now.

    I’m not in a relationship with a man while 95% of my friends are, and I don’t feel lonely.

    I am making new friends and getting closer to the ones I already have.
    I can’t believe it.
    I’ve felt so lonely and disconnected my entire life until now.
    Everything has been transforming in my life…everything!
    I finally know what it feels like to feel confident.
    Even when I feel fear, I have this peaceful knowledge that I will be fine.

    People are coming to me to be with me, inviting me from everywhere. New people, people I already know, men, women, at work, at home.
    I’ve made 2 new friends these past 2 months who are warm and caring. They both told me they love me and appreciate me.
    An old friend told me she misses me terribly.

    Before I was always used to have people ignore me, avoid me, leave me behind. I would have to invite myself and that felt so uncomfortable…I felt so lonely all my life.
    And now people keep showing me that they want me and care for me.

    I’m sitting here feeling awe at how my vibe has changed and is constant since the last 2 months.
    I strived for this all my life.
    I feel like crying tears of joy.

    All thanks to the man who treated me like sh*t, believe it or not!
    He k*ck3d my a55 hard enough to motivate me to get here.
    I described to this man how I now feel about myself and my life, and he said he wants that for himself and he’s going to therapy to get it.
    He said he’s going to do it to feel good about himself, so we can be happy together.

    (Meanwhile, I’m still cd’ing and keeping my options open 🙂

  236.  #236light heart on March 22, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    133 Daria
    light heart – hmm…. to me that doesnt give away my power, but rather reveal my vulnerability.

    rori uses those kind of words in some of her scripts

    “I feel like im second best and I dont want to tolerate feeilng that way”


    Daria, I definitely see your point about revealing vulnerability, which I agree with. For me, I am sensitive about using any language that conveys putting myself down, even if I’m feeling that way. or making his actions responsible for me feeling ‘less than’ I would lean towards saying that I really like to feel like me and my feelings are a priority with my man, and that I’d like to feel more included in his life.

    light heart

  237.  #237FlowerChild77 on March 22, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    (((Turquoise))) I hope you feel better soon. I know what you mean about feeling like you opened up a bit ‘too much.’ I feel that way sometimes too—like I’ll be judged for how I handle things. Don’t forget you can always talk to us through FB/messaging, etc. 😉

    I keep feeling like my body’s trying to catch a cold also. Part of it is allergies, but I’m really big on hand washing and I rarely get sick and I use my netti pot faithfully. It really makes a difference for me.

    Maybe using hand sanitizer and wiping off the mouse and keyboard might help stop the travel of whatever’s going around the office. (I know I probably sound a little crazy with this—but seriously–I’m around kids all the time and I never catch anything they have. And yes, I use the wipies provided at the grocery store to wipe off my cart.)

  238.  #238FlowerChild77 on March 22, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    P.S. I know hand sanitizer and the like are not good to use all the time—but when you know there’s something that’s just being passed back and forth over and over it seems to make sense so you don’t end up getting it and taking it home to your kids. <3

  239.  #239LiliBee on March 22, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    Sun Goddess,

    Remember I had filled you in on how I told D about LP returning the neighbourlady’s gift and telling her he loves you?

    D spoke to his neighbourlady 2 days ago. He told her that he had every intention of having me around for good (I didn’t agree to that part, I just said ‘go to your therapy and we’ll see what happens’).
    She said she would be respectful, say Hi to me and speak to me when she saw me.
    She hadn’t said a single ‘hello’ to me in a year since I confronted her, even when we would see each other in the driveway.

    I didn’t ask for details of what was said bc I limit our contacts as much as I can until he shows he’s serious about his therapy. He starts on Monday.

  240.  #240Frances on March 22, 2012 at 8:03 pm


    That sounds great! I feel confident too myself, and I am not in a relationship either (and most of my friends are).

    I also plan to CD.

  241.  #241FlowerChild77 on March 22, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    #227/Lilibee…Ooooohhh….no one ever said I was wise before! Thank you. That makes me feel really good. Thanks for helping me change how I see ME <3

  242.  #242Sun Goddess on March 22, 2012 at 8:07 pm


    Wow, I can’t wait to see how it all pans out. Either way, I know you will be in a better place. 🙂

  243.  #243LiliBee on March 22, 2012 at 8:09 pm



    So many women would give in and move in with the man, from fear of being alone…and you don’t.
    You honour yourself and your feelings.

    What A SIREN!

  244.  #244siren song on March 22, 2012 at 8:11 pm


  245.  #245siren song on March 22, 2012 at 8:11 pm


  246.  #246LiliBee on March 22, 2012 at 8:11 pm


    Thank you for the vote of confidence SG! 🙂

    I need to honour my feeling tired now, and get to bed.
    Goodnight sirens xox

  247.  #247LiliBee on March 22, 2012 at 8:13 pm


    Thumbs up Frances! 🙂

  248.  #248Turquoise on March 22, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    Thanks Flowerchild. I have never tried the netti pot…. I’ve seen it on dr. oz, but it’s hard to imagine me actually doing it. It would be one of those things I’d buy and would sit in the closet while I was stubborn, and still blowing my nose. I hate getting water in my nose and hold my nose even when I swim. Thank you for the suggestion, maybe if this doesn’t clear up soon, I’ll make myself try it.

    It’s not so much the fear of being judged, because I really don’t care what other people think about me if they disagree with my choices or actions, but when I feel that it’s not based on the whole story, or the reality of where I am today, not years ago, bothered me. It was more the process, of feeling I had to defend and explain because assumptions were wrong. I know that will sound like I care what people think about my choices, but it’s not that, it’s more what they’d think I wouldn’t stand up for myself or that I’m not aware. But that felt draining and explaining, and frustrating and tense. The relationship I’m here to heal, beside the one with myself, is serious. This isn’t a joke to me. This isn’t someone I just met or don’t know well, or dated sporatically. This is the most important person (besides my girls) in my life for almost 2 decades. Healing that relationship no matter the outcome, would be huge to me because it’s been the most intense, amazing, painful, wonderful, terrible, up and down, the MOST FEELING ever. If I can heal that, I feel like I’ll be able to do anything. And that feels like freedom. Healing it doesn’t mean getting back together. That may or may not happen. I may not even want that down the road. But to heal it, to really feel total forgiveness, openness, love, compassion, and peace about it… wow, I can’t even imagine how amazing I’ll feel when that happens.

    So, without going into specifics…. I feel like recent conversations with him are going so strongly towards that healing. And I’m excited, because the freedom that will be the reward in the end, will allow me to completely love myself. I won’t have that pain or loss as a shield anymore. I won’t hide behind it. All my blocks, are disappearing. And that feels scary, but mainly thrilling.

    I feel like everything I need to get there is just at my fingertips. Now the choice of words, actions, behavior, internalizing how all that makes me feel, sharing those feelings in a way that can be seen and understood, felt by someone else, making progress and mistakes, and trying again… no idea how this will all work out, but it’s at my fingertips, and it’s happening!

  249.  #249light heart on March 22, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    The only way I can see your guiltlessness is if I focus on who you are in this moment. What you did yesterday is the ego’s illusion; who you are in this moment is the Spirit’s truth. Only forgiveness sets me free.

    The universe sees you as innocent, registering who you are as a perfect creation of God. In God’s Mind, there is a perfect plan for your new beginning. In any moment when you are willing to see the innocence in others and thus the innocence in yourself, you reset the trajectories of probability in your life. We’ve all made mistakes, but our mistakes are not who we are.

    ~Marianne Williamson

  250.  #250Lush_Oasis on March 22, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    @Light Heart #249

    Oooo … I like that last line — “We’ve all made mistakes, but our mistakes are not who we are”. Thats a really powerful statement — wish more people would be willing to not judge others based on the mistakes (as it were) that may or may not have been made. Thanks for sharing.

  251.  #251GingerSky on March 22, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    A quick celebration: I’ve shifted my vibe a TON after spending much time reading Rori’s posts & Siren’s sharings, and am way more than ever just in myself, delighted w me & life, NOT needy, not discouraged but empowered, not giving my power away to the man, not getting angry or judgmental/blaming toward him, just letting him once again be loving, irritated, or whatever he is… and how hugely it shifted how he responds to me!! He’d say he never changed, but he sure acts different, lol. I don’t wanna share the actual conversations or situations, but what a change, and what a *different* feeling… I feel cute, cuddly, yummy, safe in myself, like I don’t for a change crave/need his validation, but can just tell him what I don’t like & that I don’t want to control him or need him to do anything differently 🙂 This man & this relationship & situation is v chalkenging

  252.  #252Coco Kisses on March 22, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    Goodnight/morning sirens…..

  253.  #253Tiffany on March 22, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    “our mistakes are not who we are.”

    Seems to be the theme of my week!

  254.  #254Starla on March 22, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    I am about to go up and read everyone’s comments but I wanted to first get out that I think I let too much trigger me. Sometimes things freak me out a lot more than they need to BECAUSE I know if I respond a certain way it will be “masculine” aka attraction killer. And then I just get scared and almost offended that i have been put in that position. Mega trigger.

    For example: he is driving the wrong freaking way. and ‘thinking outloud’ incorrectly about directions or wondering which way he should go. Sometimes it feels like he is asking for direction me but it’s never direct. And so I lean back, try not to say anything and just relax to enjoy the ride, but i end up feeling severely triggered trying so hard not to ruin the attraction by giving in and giving him directions, and he can feel it and it triggers him, too. It ultimately feels pretty damaging when I do this instead of just saying “oh hey, do you want directions to the highway?” honestly, i’ve been consistent with this one for 2 years, never offering directions in the car, and i think i need to let this Rori Standard go with CF…it’s not serving me how it’s supposed to any longer. It served me amazingly over the last two years to train myself to shift into feminine energy and stay there and really know what it feels like, but my fear of killing the attraction by giving directions is striking me (and him, i’m sure) as a tremendous lack of self confidence and feels a bit insane.

    I trust myself to navigate the directions issue with CF in a way that doesn’t kill the attraction even if i am overfunctioning or whatever. I have had soooo much practice leaning back on this one, i give myself permission to handle giving directions in a way i know in my heart will work for me and CF uniquely.

    I feel bad for bringing this heavy trigger down on us repeatedly and also i really do forgive myself, i really meant well and it was a good thing i was trying to do. and everything will feel so much better now

  255.  #255Tiffany on March 22, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    I have decided: a man who grows an orchid can make a mistake. He can overwater it, or not give enough food. He can deprive it of sunlight, or let it get too cold. He can even forget it, abandon it, or throw it away.

    But the orchid doesn’t make a mistake. It either grows, or it doesn’t. Sometimes it flourishes in the absence of care. But no matter what, the orchid is perfect.

  256.  #256GingerSky on March 22, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    and for the first time in 2+ years here, I feel there are good men out there. The descriptions from you Sirens about your loving step-up beautiful men 🙂 totally helped me shift my reality! I’m for once not caught in trying to impress him, consciously or unconsciously – bc I truly do not care – but I can be loving & treat him like he’s kinda incidental, like I like & love you but I do not need you – which with this man really works. I usually do not feel that there are other good men out there for me at all, as described in Rori’s post here… but now I’m speaking my truth to this man & that I know I can find other relationships & not letting him be the hugest piece of my pie. Ha haaaa! It feeeels sooo good! I haven’t felt like this since 20 years ago! Wooo hoo! He’s kinda relieved, intrigued, frustrated, humbled, longing toward me, angry, & attracted. I’m not in my powerful administrative boy energy, OR my usually simultaneous ditz energy… I’m simply feeling luscious inside & shining that out (fitness & sun & good sleep & nutrition are part of all thus. I am deliciously magnetic & peaceful & fulfilled.

  257.  #257Turquoise on March 22, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    Hmmm… Tiffany, that feels good to me, except, so if the orchid is dying from too much water or not enough, not enough sun…. whatever is lacking, and doesn’t flourish… is the orchid still perfect then?

  258.  #258Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 9:54 pm


    RE: #187 – “Brenda, I read your posts about Mr. Chemical. Is that still up in the air?”

    LUCY!! Happy to see you here! Been thinking about you! I will message you on FB. Yes, still up in the air. Will probably can it.

  259.  #259Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 9:55 pm


    RE: #164 – Awwww! Thanks!

  260.  #260Tiffany on March 22, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    I had another thought/realization today. It kind of hit me – yeah, I could spend lots of time thinking about him (you know who). I could ponder all the things I’d like to communicate to him & how. I could even make an effort to reach out & contact him *shudder*

    But is it worth it? NO. That’s a big, fat, emphatic, N tha O, to tha double-o – NO. He is not. He has already demonstrated, in no uncertain way, that he is NOT worth my time, NOT worth my attention, NOT worth my energy.

    So, whenever, I find myself “missing” him, or thinking, oh, we were supposed to do such-and-such together. Or if I begin to fun “scripts” of all the scintillating, heartfelt things I want to “say” to him, I just STOP. get out my stop sign, and just turn my attention to something else. I focus on where I am, what I am doing, and what it is doing for *me.*

    Then I feel better. I don’t “need” him. I never did need him! He’s a crappy, sub-par guy, who doesn’t meet my standards for a thoughtful, committed partner. The kind of guy I *know* I.can spend my life with, & feel comfortable & happy doing so.

    There is NO NEED to waste my time, when I have so many important things to be thinking about & doing. So many ways I can take care of myself, learn, heal & grow. And on the other side of that, men who *are* commitment-ready, willing to care for me in all the right ways, and who make me feel comfortable and at ease with myself – starting with me feeling that way, of course. 🙂

    I forgot. What was I talking about? Lol. Who? I don’t even know what you mean… 😉

    I am out at the bus stop, and I feel so cold! The bus is taking forever, but I feel a little warmer since I.stopped to eat something. It’s late, I’m tired & I just want to go home! Please, bus, I hope you come soon : )

  261.  #261Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 9:59 pm


    RE: #135 – I am glad you spoke up. Another phrase I was trying to think of last night is “second class”. So add that to the power speech I half wrote:

    I don’t want to be treated second class.

    If I were in your position, I would give back the ring and end it. Then the ball would be in his court. You may lose him, but unless he changes, do you want him? I wouldn’t. I want a man whose world revolves around me.

    But I bet you that if you ended it, he would come to his senses. We don’t know what is until we know what ain’t. Some people don’t see the light until they feel the heat.

  262.  #262Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 10:00 pm

    Lush Oasis,

    RE: #121 – “@Brenda — IRT ChemicalCD, CopCD, and all the rest of them. I understand your frustration for not wanting to continue a ‘virtual’ conversation with ChemicalCD. Given recent relationship pitfalls, I’d feel happy though just to have at least these two [Chemical & Cop] if not others, too, for fine tuning your “Wish / Want List” and feeling messages. What do you think? Good luck :)”

    I hear you, but isn’t that crumb taking? I have a really pathetic history of crumb taking. I want to be the princess prize now.

  263.  #263Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 10:04 pm


    I am sorry, I don’t want to come across as harsh. I am still in process. You can mind my business if you want to. 🙂 Will you forgive me?


    Same apology to you. I want to learn to say things softly, consistently, like Angel Rori does.Will you forgive me?

    It was eating at me after I wrote that stuff. It was gut level feeling messages, but I want to speak more softly.

    As for nothing to end because nothing was ever started, that is a good point. Nothing is started. However, I feel better if I just gently say something to let him know why. Still thinking about that.

    I want to be gentle with him, too.

  264.  #264Brenda on March 22, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    I’d like to continue to catch up on the blog, but it’s 1 am and I am seriously exhausted.

    Good night, precious ladies!

  265.  #265GingerSky on March 22, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    He wants to be with me & not involved w other people, and we’ve been in & out of relationship fir over 2 years ( mostly in I guess) but not in the “normal” kind of committed way that I want & feel I need. He has an ideal woman he’s always sought, and isn’t attached to me in the way I want. is He’s always teaching, correcting, challenging me etc, bc even though I’ve seldom felt “slow” or dull of mind, I very much am in several ways compared to how I maybe was when younger, or compared to how he wants his mate to be. It’s very frustrating! I want all this very much, but also want just some degree of regular sentimentality, basic validations, celebrating/commemorating/committing/continuing, attaching in more conventional simple dependable ways & publicly grounding our connection as partners… but bc sentimental & semi-conventional me literally cant handle the level of cutting edge honesty & sharpness etc within myself that he pushes for, the combination & mismatches challenge our loving & passionate connection. Usually it’s me on the other side of a relationship, Sonia I guess I’m getting a taste of my own medicine. Plus, sometimes, he’s just odd… and so am I, lol. Oh he just came down to where I’m sitting on the floor & grabbed & hugged me ad I’m typing this w him lying here holding me… lol, her her. Guess I better go! Thank you, Rori & Sirens… what a shift, he’s holding me so tight & he’s anxious & kinda little-boy-scared… excellent.

  266.  #266GingerSky on March 22, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    her her means hee hee …damned auto correct. Sonia means “so” Gotta go 🙂 Xix all

  267.  #267GingerSky on March 22, 2012 at 10:57 pm

    argh auto-correct! I meant XOX all! NSM is now sleeping while *holding onto* me, instead of being aloof & dominating/disdaining… LOL! Now I’m a little aloof yet very warm & looking after myself, not needing him… & he’s clinging onto me… this feels like healthy balance considering the nature of our usual imbalance here. I feel good… clear, untriggered, capable, in my own business, charmed & charming & not needy, scared or codependent. This feels like coming home to a place Ive never or seldom ever been before.

  268.  #268Emoticon on March 22, 2012 at 11:50 pm

    I think I just gave the no-boyfriend speach 2 two guys lol. One who wanted 2 be in a relationship with me so much right now, but i feel like its very soon. We spent my spring break together and it was only a week and I’m going back to school to all the CDs i have there and I jus dont wanna go into anything i’m not sure about.

    The other one is one of the school CDs that I’m considering ending it with. He is very closed off and opens up a little bit just 2 keep me from walking away. I dont kno if the little bit of opening up is all thats there and he shows it to me 2 keep me wanting more. I jus dont feel good about it, about anyone who seems embarassed of their feeling towards me, regardless of how their friends feel about us. I just can’t with this guy. I dont even know why i wasted my time and energy explaining my no boyfriend stance 2 him, just to later tell him i no longer want to even have that conversation. It feels bad 2 me having a conversation with someone abotu that when i dont even kno if they really love me. and if im guessing then i feel better just walking away. I’d rather not think about it then think maybe he does, maybe he doesnt. Like how many flowers am i gonna keep picking 2 do “he loves me, he loves me not” NONE. goodbye!!

  269.  #269Jessie1000 on March 22, 2012 at 11:56 pm

    brenda….i like you so much, your very interesting….I read one of your comments a while back and i wanted to say….when you said guys showing up wearing ball caps or something was a big turn off for you….lol lol…i find guys that have never fished before are a big turn off…like its the first question I ask….I love to fish and grew up on an island and in creeks since I was little and I took a guy fishing once and he almost jumped out of his head when I caught a little trout ….he was afraid to touch it and it was flipping all over and he almost leapt into the water cause he was so afraid and I dumped him and never called him again lol lol
    he didnt know what he did wrong!!
    So anyway, sort of to commiserate with you I have big turn offs but I wish they were normal like yours….U are so sweet and gentle and all your posts you have such a great flavor…just saying…

  270.  #270Jessie1000 on March 23, 2012 at 12:09 am

    oh yah brenda…I just tell the boys how happy I am when I see them and I find it lures them in…like I say omg im sooo happy to talk to you…Im so bored right now and Im going out the door….being unavailable makes them want to rip your clothes off…in a good and nice healthy way…Im so tired of texting and ive got massive things to do…lol I always sound like im incredibly full up of rich fun things to do…I can make a bubble bath sound like it was the funnest thing Ive ever done although I usually have like 2 a day….Im so running out the door for coffee with my son and we are going to drive around and play music really loud…I just make like going to the fridge and gettting an orange is so exciting that they are going to lose out and they chase me down…hunt me down….track me down, show up where I am…I swear! I could make dishes sound like they will want to buy a tea towel….try it maybe? what do I know though …what works for me may not work for you and always always tell them ur so bored of texting and ur ear hurts from phone calls and give them like 5min of ur exciting life and they will run across town for you….I think guys that go slow are boring too….I like gratification and I like them to see me whenever im bored and i dont like fitting into their schedule….thats why I attend every public event at the uni. that I can…I went to a talk yesterday on prosthetic penuises and the stigma attached to wearing one…I kid you not and it was so interesting…I go to every protests, free union talk, anything that will make me bump into men…im addicted lol and i love having every random conversation i can….with men, women…I usually pick the oldest person in the room and walk up to them and chat….older people are more social….and my Beau asked me how my talk was and I make it sound like every day of my life is a party…lol
    not that i know much about you or where u live or where your opportunities are or how much public life, art, bars, taverns pool halls, bowling alleys…lol karaoke bars what ever fun places there are out there where you live but these kinds of things seem to make me feel less crazy and the more im unavailable and having fun…the more they want me (boys that is)….and the more the days pass quicker

  271.  #271Emoticon on March 23, 2012 at 12:16 am

    It feels so good to be told that someone wants me to be their girlfriend, although i dont wanna do that right now. It felt really nice 🙂

  272.  #272Silver Moonbeam on March 23, 2012 at 12:52 am

    #59 April Rose

    That was such a great visual!! I can’t believe you want more than one husband lol, why stick to only 2 though!!! What about 100? 😀

  273.  #273Silver Moonbeam on March 23, 2012 at 12:53 am

    #68 lilybelle

    Oh I love dancing in the living room with a man, swoon indeed…………..

  274.  #274Silver Moonbeam on March 23, 2012 at 12:56 am

    #87 SLV

    Well any of them are good books, I haven’t read a bad one though of course some are better than others, I think Secret Smile is one of the best, my daughter is now reading Nicci French too and actually it’s a husband/wife team who write together and it’s her first name and his last name, cool.

  275.  #275Silver Moonbeam on March 23, 2012 at 12:57 am

    #90 Brenda

    I am sorry for misunderstanding you

    “He said he agrees and we talked a little bit about where I live. It’s a simple 20 minute drive, and he makes it sound next to impossible just because he doesn’t know the roads.”

    I mistakenly took your “where I live” to mean your house not your town.

    I apologise.

  276.  #276Silver Moonbeam on March 23, 2012 at 12:59 am

    #94 SLV

    I agree entirely, no my home, no their home and no cars.

    Not until you have gotten to know a person and of course that is no guarantee either, but hopefully you would have gut feelings or red flags if something was out of kilter……..

  277.  #277Silver Moonbeam on March 23, 2012 at 1:12 am

    #149 Flower Child

    Please see yourself as others on here too, you ARE a lovely beautiful gorgeous Siren. 🙂

    Just reading through your posts re your man, it seems like he is the one leaning back like some kind of “punishment” because you are not doing things his way yet he would marry you in a heartbeat……mmmmm……as you know I am no expert here but have you tried being so busy CD’ing that you are not there to take his every call so he starts wondering what you are up to?

    I believe the term is, out girl him…………..

  278.  #278Silver Moonbeam on March 23, 2012 at 1:14 am

    #150 Lizka

    Awww {{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}} that is just awful.

    It’s probably time to start job hunting as your heart really isn’t in it anyway.

    I bet you will get a great new job with your positive energy. 🙂

  279.  #279Silver Moonbeam on March 23, 2012 at 1:17 am

    Oh and the 2 guys who poofed on me (one on POF and one on Smooch) have both messaged me. 😀

    They always come back……………I never would have believed it before RR, I would have been messaging them again……


  280.  #280Silver Moonbeam on March 23, 2012 at 1:19 am

    And it doesn’t matter if I never hear from either of them again, as there are 100’s of men out there.

    “There are men around you RIGHT NOW who would KILL to kiss you.

    This guy is totally not even in consideration for a suitor, much less a serious suitor.

    A suitor NEVER stops trying and working to make you HAPPY.

    That is your standard.”

    Brenda are you listening? There are 100’s of men who want us!!! 🙂

  281.  #281Silver Moonbeam on March 23, 2012 at 1:45 am

    #158 Goodheart

    Because you said pl*m

  282.  #282Silver Moonbeam on March 23, 2012 at 1:52 am

    #192 Jessie1000

    Great post to Lizka and of course to all of us. 🙂

  283.  #283Maria on March 23, 2012 at 1:55 am

    Hi all …

    More dumping … life is busy, and I’ve had several weeks of extra craziness, as my husband and the 3 boys have all been sequentially sick, and then my parents were both hospitalized last weekend (they both are in assisted living with dementia, so it is a chronic issue.) It sounds too much to be real, but that has seemed to be my life for the past 10 years … always one overly stressful time after another.

    Anyway I want my husband to be there for me and I hate that he can’t. Long history of all of it, but he blames much on me. I try to take ownership of what I have done. I see that I was too overcompensating, too “boy energy,” and such. I see that I tried too much to give him what I thought he wanted, or said he wanted and allowed myself to get lost, but I wish he could just appreciate who I am and what I have done at this point.

    I know trying to talk about it is futile. I see when I get into explaining (even though he prides himself on being “rational” and not “emotional”, or even reaching out just backfires. It is very difficult for me to stop those things, to not get triggered into those patterns, but I am a _whole_ lot better about stopping faster once it starts. It doesn’t take away the chronic hurt. It doesn’t soothe the part of me that so much needs someone on my side right now. That aching/longing in me rises in cycles, and after a while I just try and reach out. Am I asking someone to do what I should do myself … I don’t know.

    His day in and day out actions are not all bad, but the words and responses when I am being needy are horrid. Often I trust that in his heart he does not mean what he says, but in the moment and in my private times of self-doubt, I am terrified that he really doesn’t care. I don’t know how long I can keep taking it all in, hearing again and again how it is all my faults and flaws that have gotten us here. I have managed to go through this cycle for a lot of years because I do have people around me who support that it is not “all” me.

    Why am I afraid of leaving? I have struggled against that from early on in our marriage because it is fundamentally not how I see myself, and have always believed relationships take effort and compromise. Now I have 3 children and really don’t want to hurt them … dad is a good dad, quirky and overly pushing sometimes, but his intentions are for their best interests. I don’t want to hurt him by taking them away, and I’m not sure he would ever agree to any compromise in an easy fashion. I just so much want to find another solution, but it seems so hard when it is unilateral. I need things to be different.

  284.  #284Daria on March 23, 2012 at 2:29 am

    light heart – hmm… for me i notice i want to hide when i feel less than, or when i feel unworthy…

    and so it feels more like opening up and being vulnerable when i actually express that

    putting it in words that mask my actual vulnerability (that im feeling less than) kinda misses that for me…

    i guess the vulnerability for me is in actualy admitting and letting someone else see that im not feeling as cool and perfect as i usually portray

  285.  #285Daria on March 23, 2012 at 2:36 am



  286.  #286Daria on March 23, 2012 at 3:01 am

    i hid myself on the page so that i can get a chance to answer the messages in the last 2 weeks

    i got pages and pages



    quality stuff

  287.  #287Lizka on March 23, 2012 at 3:22 am

    I specifically wentto bed at 9 not to be tired today and to at least try to have a happy day but I didn’t fall asleep before late and I woke up at 4.30 am and never could close my eyes again. Just thinking and re thinking about this job thing. I am really sensitive to bad/good sleep. I know this is gonna be a long day for me…

    So here I am in the dark, crying already. I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to go to work/jail. I want to stay here and hold my dog all day and cry.

    But no. I have to go face all that pressure even thougth I am crazy tired. And at least if I was tired because I partied all night, I would understand the pressure. But no. I am tired because this is too stressful.

    This feels too unfair.

    Welcome to Day 4 of the challenge of your life Lizka… *sigh*…

  288.  #288Memulo on March 23, 2012 at 3:29 am

    I feel so ashamed of myself for all these diminishing thoughts and moods – got his text late last night that he found my bracelet 😉 I said ‘Ahh I will be waiting for you both!’ and he responded: ‘Probably some symbolism in you leaving things here’

  289.  #289Memulo on March 23, 2012 at 3:34 am


    Take it as a chance for new opportunities! There you were, not really liking your job, not getting a terribly good pay and now they pushed you a bit and you can use it towards finding your new happier career. No one says it’s easy, but you can do it and the results will be rewarding.

  290.  #290Memulo on March 23, 2012 at 3:41 am


    I know and from reading your driving directions post i feel that you ARE a siren and no need to apologize for being a siren with more information or a better knowledge of directions lol. I think the most important part of Rori’s approach is being authentic and when you hide something (even be it this simple info) it becomes the opposite of that. It doesn’t create more respect for him or an emotional satisfaction for you, just leaves both ppl frustrated lol.

    I know the challenge, I’m looking for the right balance myself as SmartCD is very smart and logical and I need to be both feeling and logical to enjoy my time with him.

  291.  #291Daria on March 23, 2012 at 3:50 am

    wooo i got the skinbiology trial kit, feelin excited to heal my skin!

  292.  #292Daria on March 23, 2012 at 3:52 am

    i wonder what id be feeling int hat direction situation?

    “im feeling anxious about going this way?”

    “im feeling anxious”


    im feeling sleepy now actually

  293.  #293Memulo on March 23, 2012 at 3:52 am

    Daria #284 – this is beautiful 😉

  294.  #294Daria on March 23, 2012 at 4:08 am


    man: “Message:
    i remembered everything about you, u are one of the best humans i ever conversed with

  295.  #295Daria on March 23, 2012 at 4:15 am

    wow Memulo i feel surprised and pleased to hear that… thank you 🙂

  296.  #296Daria on March 23, 2012 at 4:17 am

    Lizka – if that was me i would not go today. i feel guilty and judgemental of myself for sayng that to you

    i wouldnt tho

    i might never go again

  297.  #297Daria on March 23, 2012 at 4:20 am

    “Like how many flowers am i gonna keep picking 2 do “he loves me, he loves me not” NONE. goodbye!!”

    LOL Emoticon you are so funny and inspiring!

  298.  #298Daria on March 23, 2012 at 4:43 am

    ey real talk though… the positive ions from the computer EMF keep me up… soon as i get my salt block warm and have negative ions flowing… i feel all sleepy

  299.  #299Silver Moonbeam on March 23, 2012 at 4:43 am

    #248 Turquoise

    I feel bad that I jumped on your post the other week and said your ex was controlling, this of course was my own trigger having been abused.

    You are not the same people as you were back then, you are both older and wiser and I know for one you will not make the same mistakes you made way back when.

    I love the quote from put on here by light heart.

    “The only way I can see your guiltlessness is if I focus on who you are in this moment. What you did yesterday is the ego’s illusion; who you are in this moment is the Spirit’s truth. Only forgiveness sets me free.

    The universe sees you as innocent, registering who you are as a perfect creation of God. In God’s Mind, there is a perfect plan for your new beginning. In any moment when you are willing to see the innocence in others and thus the innocence in yourself, you reset the trajectories of probability in your life. We’ve all made mistakes, but our mistakes are not who we are.

    Marianne Williamson”

    I apologise profusely if I have had anything to do with you feeling unable to share here on the blog.

  300.  #300Turquoise on March 23, 2012 at 4:55 am

    Good morning Sirens! Feeling a little peppier this morning than I expected to, I fell asleep on the couch last night, then woke up and went to bed and couldn’t sleep, so I got up and did a bunch of cleaning that I was procrastinating on. I really do feel better when my house looks pretty. After work today I have to go pick up CM’s birthday cake and some food, then come home and get ready for her sleepover. Next week I’m hosting a bridal shower, and then no parties for awhile! It’s fun and I like to entertain, but it’s a lot of work, and I feel the need to get back to focusing on moi! So, 10 girls coming over tonight, 8 are sleeping over, and this is when I know I really love my kids and want them to be happy, because I do not love having a house full of noisy girls!

    Off to grab a quick shower and get to work. Have a wonderful day ladies! We are having 80 degree weather in Pittsburgh this week, and it feels glorious!!!

    Good luck today Lizka!!!!! Everything will be ok!

  301.  #301Daria on March 23, 2012 at 4:55 am

    aack i leaned forward to look on a site.. .got jealous… leaned forward a lil more

    feelin more tingly/anxious


    i love my coolness

    mm that felt good to write big relief sigh

  302.  #302Daria on March 23, 2012 at 4:59 am

    i put the Emu Oil on my hands and they feel instantly smoother yay

  303.  #303Turquoise on March 23, 2012 at 5:03 am

    No Silver Moonbeam, not at all. I appreciate your feedback and where you have come from and you’ve been quite supportive. It’s not even any one siren, it was just more of an overwhelming feeling I had. I just feel safer right now keeping specifics to myself. It’s like when you share something with your family when you are upset, so they get upset, and then they can’t forget that one thing, but you do forgive/forget, but they want to stay in that old feeling place. But, what we share when we are upset, isnt’ always a complete picture of what happened, or based on enough information, etc. In my case, what happened that long ago, is old news. I can’t live in my past, nor would I want to.

    Thanks for caring about me!!!!

  304.  #304Francesca on March 23, 2012 at 5:07 am

    Brenda @263

    There’s nothing to forgive. I simply misread your post.

    Like Silver Moonbeam @ 275, I thought you were giving him directions to your house, not your town.

    I guess I just meant to tell you to be careful no matter what.

  305.  #305Lizka on March 23, 2012 at 5:07 am

    Memulo – I know it’s a chance to have new opportunity and I feel totally excited about it. But the new opportunity itself made me feel stressed and did not help my insomnia.

    Daria – I hear what you are saying. Unfortunately, in my world it can’t work lile that. Bills ain’t gonna pay themselves and I want to have money to have a decent life style and be able to buy things (food, clothes, makeup) I like and that make me feel good. That might sounds too capitalist for some of you, but it’s my reality and I like it like that. And I also have a reputation. My job is to recruit people for high level positions. I know how bad is the reputation of the people who change job without advice to their employers or those who jump from one job to another.

    Turquoise – Thank you. I know everything will be ok. But it’s so stressful and I feel so tired to face this day…

    I will do it. And thanks god all these events makes it super easy to lean back with ATW and make my challenge almost easy.

    Go day 4!!!

  306.  #306Lizka on March 23, 2012 at 5:14 am

    I did something cool last night. While I couldn’t sleep because I was overthinking my situation, I layed on my back (I usually fall asleep on my side) an turned my face an my palms wide open to the sky. And I focused on telling the universe that I am ready to received. Ready to received a new job, ready to have a man who will take care of me, ready for ATW – if he’s the one – or ready to build intimacy with another man in case he’s not, ready to be happy and ready to receive sleep. Lol

    An I felt asleep in only a few minutes and slept 5.5 qhours straights (I usually wake up every 2 hours) until I woke up at 4.30 and couldn’t fall back asleep.

    I like to believe that during these 5 hours I was facing the sky, the Universe was preparing something great for me and sending it to me. 🙂

  307.  #307Daria on March 23, 2012 at 5:16 am

    ouch. i wonder why that felt bad

    i like my reality where bills pay themselves

    i did quit my old job when i didnt feel honored

    i feel so important to myself for that- thank you daria – and i dont ever want to tolerate feeling bad

    i havent had as much money since, but i have more clothes makeup and food and the bills pay themselves

    and i have free time 🙂


    i feel pist!


    i feel pist that im not all the way sold on the bills pay themselves thing

    i feel guilt that my family pays them

    and shame

    now also remembering that i wouldve easily arranged otherwise but they insisted on paying


    thats their stuff




    what else

    i feel pist that im not yet 100% sure about the power of creating my reality

  308.  #308Lush_Oasis on March 23, 2012 at 5:23 am

    @Brenda #262

    Good morning, Siren 😀 I can relate to your post as for not wanting to be “a crumb taker”. However, I do see this more of an opportunity to practice the feeling messages and to just receive a guy’s attention (even if it is through email, etc.).

    There is no pressure to do anything you don’t want to do, and if you’ve already expressed your wants / don’t wants to the guy then there is no crumb taking there.

    Consider that you received the amount of attention that he (they?) had to give and thats it. Next one. 🙂

    Look how far you’ve come already. Good job!

  309.  #309Daria on March 23, 2012 at 5:25 am

    feeling disappointed

  310.  #310Francesca on March 23, 2012 at 5:28 am

    Lizka, things will work out by themselves, they always do.

    Just tell yourself that many people are experiencing what you’re going through right now. The economy, right?

    I’m afraid to lose my job myself, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep it. Sales have been going down and people have other priorities so they don’t want to spend too much money on what I have to sell.

    I know about the sleepless nights too. If I were to tell you what happened to me in 2008, you probably would think that what is happening now to you is not that bad.

  311.  #311Daria on March 23, 2012 at 5:37 am


    i unleaned forward and removed my like and comment on his flirting with anohter woman


    i feel amused and thrilled


    and embarassed

  312.  #312Daria on March 23, 2012 at 5:39 am

    i already asked him if he thinks he wants to come see me and he said yeah
    ut the convo dropped off

    and he does leave me everyday some pretty tag on my wall … i feel good that he does and i feel bad that im not the only one


    im startign to feel BORED!


    weeee ogo me

  313.  #313Starla on March 23, 2012 at 5:54 am

    Hmmm what is my weekend going to be like…so much possibility:) Oh and I noticed that CF didn’t make a plan with me for the weekend at all, which feels really confusing to me actually…but let me tell you ladies i do not care! i don’t feel a charge or fear behind my noticing he didn’t make any plans with me for the weekend. I don’t like it, but i don’t feel compelled to let it affect my happiness or my beautiful weekend. I’m really really sincere about this ladies, i feel GREAT. It’s like CF who?

    I don’t know what i’ll say to him when the time comes about not having weekend plans with him, but i will deal with that THEN. i don’t feel interested in figuring it out or wondering what it all means, lol, i just am really excited that it’s the weekend and spring break and i have so much good stuff going on in my life yes yes.,

    I hope I’m making sense. I just wanted to share that I’m actually feeling just great. It feels so much better just noticing a man is behaving a certain way and then continuing to live my wonderful life, rather than letting it consume me in any way. I’m not sure what snapped in me, especially with my period coming in just a few days, but i feel really even and stable and i am just happy for myself:)

  314.  #314Starla on March 23, 2012 at 6:01 am

    yesterday i was feeling so bad about it, but the whole 30 minute train ride i took after work, i just said to myself over and over and over and over in my head, “lovetome lovetome lovetome.” i am going to keep this up! i want this to be the broken record in my life:)

    i think it had a tremendous affect. giving yourself love is one of Rori’s main tools, i believe, but i forget about it most of the time as a Rori tool. It is really powerful! She has the “paint yourself with love” tool which I’ve never tried to be honest with you, but I am going to do it in the bathroom at work or something:)

  315.  #315Mochaberri on March 23, 2012 at 6:08 am

    Morning Sirens!!

    @ Coco Kisses #186 – I agree with the others that softening your deeper FM will result in a more intimate connection. Daria is awesome with tweaking.

    Sorry if I’m late responding.

  316.  #316Starla on March 23, 2012 at 6:14 am

    lol cf just called and left a message saying he misses me

    ummmm well…i…too..? and your mixed signals about it feel uninteresting right now? 😛


    i am literally laughing out loud. i love me so much.

  317.  #317Starla on March 23, 2012 at 6:15 am

    where is silver tongued siren? did she change her name here?

  318.  #318blue rose on March 23, 2012 at 6:22 am

    sad night last night.

    so the guy i’m crazy about made plans with me over a week ago to meet yesterday. we were texting once a day, then i ignored his text for a week. i just couldn’t bring myself to reply.

    so then the day before yesterday, when i felt bad that he had not confirmed plans, i made an appointment for a massage for myself so i could do something nice instead of sitting at home feeling bad.

    he texted me in the afternoon saying he is sick but still wants to see me. i struggled with this. part of me wanted to say no, you should have confirmed. but what i ended up doing was telling him to come over.

    he then comes over an hour late.

    i was able to tell him that i was mad, and that if he wasn’t sick i would have cancelled.

    likely overfunctioning: he asked for tea and i made it for him. again, he was sick. and i like taking care of people.

    we had a really long talk about us. he won’t commit to me. he’s still sleeping w other women.

    he said some strange things. that i have made his life better, and that he doesn’t want to even think about marriage for another 5 years, and that he wants me to be happy and that when he is with me he wants it to be a good and fun experience, and he wants to make me happy.

    we discussed what i’m comfortable with – with guy friends i can only hug. nothing more. and he said he will honor that. he finds me very attractive, would like to do more physically, but will only hug if that’s what i want.

    i was sad about this. i can’t change his mind. he just does not want a relationship with me. and i can’t be physical with him without some kind of exclusivity. and he will not/ can no give me that.

    i am trying to think of him as practice. my question is this: if he’s just a friend, do i still let him pay? what if he no longer offers? i never offer to pay with him because i always considered out outtings dates. if i let him pay, won’t that solidify us as pals? i want the romantic possibility to remain, but i don’t want him to think i am using him. so confused.

  319.  #319Lush_Oasis on March 23, 2012 at 6:36 am

    @ Blue Rose #318

    Good morning. I have found myself in situations similar to what you have posted. I feel your tense vibes and understand the “I don’t want him to think I’m using him” statement.

    For me, these relationships never panned out. I enjoyed my time while I was with them – but ultimately – when they ended, it was a relief. Looking back, I see clearly that neither of us betrayed the other — he knew he couldn’t give me what I was searching for and I knew I couldn’t allow myself to be in the type of relationship (or lack of) that he wanted.

    To answer your question about whether he pays or not — I’d offer the following:

    1) If he has asked you out somewhere, it would be an expected function that he pay for the outing.

    If there was any doubt; a FM could be used, like … “Oh …I feel confused; are you asking me out for a date?” or something along those lines.


    2) If you do not want him to pay, then another FM could be used along the lines, “I feel excited to do ____, but I feel awkward having you pay for me since we are not dating (or since we are only friends, etc.) and I would feel better covering my charges What do you think?”

    In my experience, guys tend to realize what they are doing, and if he has asked you to join him on an outing, I wouldn’t feel bad about him covering your charges. Does that help?

  320.  #320blue rose on March 23, 2012 at 6:45 am

    #319: Lush_Oasis

    oh my gosh it helps so much.

    thank you for taking the time to respond, lush_oasis.

    the whole situation is just awful.

    i know in my heart that if i was the one he would crash onto my shores. and i am obviously not.

  321.  #321Emoticon on March 23, 2012 at 6:48 am

    Thank You Daria *blush* 🙂

  322.  #322Lush_Oasis on March 23, 2012 at 6:54 am

    @Blue Rose #320

    I know. Stay strong. The sirens are here to listen. 😀

  323.  #323Lush_Oasis on March 23, 2012 at 7:03 am

    Hmm. taCD saga continues 🙁 So — his profile is stll actively in use even though he has mentioned that he will close the account (I dare not consider how many other profiles he may have on other sites. Ugh) so that he and I can take our relationship to the next level.

    Recall: I sent him FMs the other day that I felt uncomfortable visiting his place if he was still actively dating. This was in response to his invitation to stay at his place for a few days this weekend.

    If things went as planned – I would start visiting tomorrow until Monday / Tuesday. He hasn’t mentioned this since a few days ago or since our conversation about my FM about not staying at his place if he wants to continue dating others; and not since his comment that he will close his account and he wants to take us to the next level…. blah.

    In a message received from him today, he sent that he wished I could be with him [he was home] and to which I replied that I felt sad that I still felt uncomfortable visiting him if he was still actively dating … blah.

    The energy vibe of the messages seemed to sour immediately and he ended with a terse “good night” and that was that.

    I feel sick to my stomach and scared for irritating him. I don’t like it when I offend people or know that something I did / said has upset them. I feel so bad; like I did something wrong.

    I doubt that I’ll be visiting him anytime soon, huh? Perhaps this is the writing on the wall, right?

  324.  #324blue rose on March 23, 2012 at 7:08 am

    #323: Lush_Oasis

    oh no! you realize the similarities between our situations, right? and you gave such amazing advice to me.

    step back and read it again, instead of your name, imagine i wrote that post

  325.  #325Lush_Oasis on March 23, 2012 at 7:16 am

    So, I guess my question is that if it weren’t for this one site that I know he is still active on (like, if he actually closed his profile) then I would not know that he was still actively pursuing other females. And, I would’ve been all too goofy showing up on his doorstep as invited, completely oblivious to his other activities. What then?

    I mean, to have him tell me (and the way his messages read; yeah I read them many times to make sure I wasn’t reading wrong), he wants us to go to the next level and he wants me to move in and and and.

    So — what happens then? I feel so jaded about this since I’ve been hurt by someone else for nearly the same behavior!

    Thoughts? Suggestions? I feel better without having blinders on and sometimes, I’ve thought — well, if he mentions the invite for this weekend, then I’ll go just for the sake of getting away from here for a couple days — but then I’m like thinking I must be a total idiot for willingly and knowingly stepping back in to that situation. But, like I said, if it weren’t for the one site that I can see — I wouldn’t be any wiser. 🙁 Hmm.

  326.  #326Emoticon on March 23, 2012 at 7:17 am

    So……. that guy from last night!

    I told him it feels like FWB situation n i dont want that i want real intimacy. He tried to convince me that he likes me but he speeches didnt even feel all that good 2 me because every seet thing he said, he seemed 2 try n play it off like “i really like you n enjoy being with you (sweet) u kno like playin n chillin n stuff (friends)” i mean yeah wateva.

    Now he’s trying to convince me that us kissing and having sex is as real as intimacy gets. He really asked me “how much realer can it get?” NO thats not all intimacy is.

    BOY get on the back of that horse…. dont try to convince me.

  327.  #327Lush_Oasis on March 23, 2012 at 7:21 am

    @ Emoticon #326
    I enjoy the vibe from your post and the statement, “Boy get on the back of that horse…” made me laugh knowing thats what I did / or just should do with taCD.

    Now — how do I get my other CDs that are taking a nap to wake up — I don’t know where they went; but they’re all lurking in the shadows. Time for them to get up, eh? 😀

    I need to shift my vibe and I feel like going out tonight [though I was going to stay in and do chores since I wasn’t planning on being here for a couple days]. Dang it.

    Universe ??? hello ??? *knock knock* 😀 😀 😀 Hmm … Hugs to me … hugs to all the sad sirens … time for an energy change.

  328.  #328Mochaberri on March 23, 2012 at 7:34 am

    Here’s an issue I’m having and would appreciate some feedback.

    KR called me last night – I missed the 1st call and he tried my house phone and then again on my cell. After answering here’s the conversation:

    KR: I see you’re out I just wanted to say hello.
    M: Well hello. I’m actually home
    KR: I called the house phone
    M: Sorry I didn’t hear it I was in the bathroom running water.
    KR: Oh ok………I guess you been busy. You didn’t call on Tuesday after we went out Monday like you said you would.
    M: Oh my! I got in after class and started taking care of a few things and it slipped my mind
    KR: It’s Ok – you don’t call – I called you to go out Monday.
    M: hmmmm….I had a great time too and look forward to doing it again. I like when you woo me
    KR: when I what? woo you?
    M: yes it feels really good
    KR:( inaudible but I think he said) I’m not wooing you
    M: (I changed the subject) Did you hear about the autopsy report on Whitney? Such a shame.
    KR: ???
    M: Are you falling asleep? You sound tired and I’m feeling tired myself I need to turn the alarm on
    KR: what?
    M: I was just saying I have to turn the alarm on since I’m in the house by myself righ now and I’m ready for bed.
    KR: you want me to come over?
    M: sure that would feel really nice
    KR: you don’t want me to come over you didn’t call. You don’t call
    M: that’s not true. when I came in I was doing some things around the house and it got late.
    KR: You didn’t call Tuesday.
    M: I was exhausted after class and it slipped my mind
    KR: well….I guess I call (inaudible)
    M:Oh this weekened?
    KR: no next week
    M: oh ok.
    KR: Maybe I’ll call this weekend.
    M: Maybe…lol. OK
    KR: I’m going to bed. I’ll talk to you later
    M: OK sweetie…me too…….thank you for calling sweetie

    He actually called me Tuesday and asked if I had a good time Monday night. I really don’t recall saying I was going to call later that evening. I may need ginko biloba…lol

    Anyway, now that he has asked me to call how do I go about it.

    Daria you are really good with the energy exchange .

    The main reason I don’t reach out is the times that I have he always seems annoyed and although I know it’s not anything that I have done directly but I do recall a time when he blamed my indiscretion as the reason he was frustratedas I believe Coco Kisses said is that when we lean forward we end up feeling bad afterwards when things don’t go as we planned it in our own head. I’m a true believer that if you’re not attached to the outcome then there should be no ill feelings afterwards.

  329.  #329GingerSky on March 23, 2012 at 7:37 am

    #262 & #263 Brenda. It feels really good to read your msgs here… I like seeing us all on our journeys… how we’ve changed, how different we sound & see over time of learning the lean-back etc… yes, Angel Rori indeed. Angel means “messenger”!

  330.  #330Jessie1000 on March 23, 2012 at 7:38 am

    Blue Rose….he doesnt want a relationship….that has nothing to do with you though honey. when you said he doesnt want a relationship “with me”….i have so been there…but really think of it this way….
    he doesnt want a relationship.
    He could meet 1000 women and Im sure you are the best of all of them….as he said…you make his life better and everything!!! but he doesnt want a relationship….perhaps hes a whiney little baby that would cry every time you went out for a girls night!
    perhaps hes a complete control freak and bosses women around and makes their life completely miserable? and so he doesnt want to treat women like that and so he gave up on relationships!! perhaps someone broke his heart so completely that he thought he might lose his mind and check himself in to a hospital and swore he would never do that again to himself!!! perhaps he likes women to chase him and he is a coldhearted sadistic player that notches his bedpost with every new sexual conquest….he could be just damaged goods (for every player there was some women who usually contributed to his cold heartedness)….SOO
    my moral of the story is KEEP him as a friend! he goes into the NO GOOD for me forever bank but an awesome guy to call if the guy you really like gives you a hard time (Mr. right) in the future!
    Hes the guy you can invite to your wedding and drink a quick glass of wine with him and tell him….see all this…you could have had this but ur a CHICKEN!!
    While you go off on your honeymoon with ur mr. Im not afraid and I can step up for you!!!
    THIS has nothing….I dont think…not that i know anything…to do with you!!!
    Your fabulous and awesome and he even said so!
    Depersonalizing is the hardest thing to do when it comes to this stuff because if your like me and hate dating and hate seeing lots of people at once….
    I Feel like dating is like SHOPPING.
    I hate shopping
    I hate comparing prices
    I hate going to more than 1 or 2 stores.
    IM efficient…I go in. I dont haggle.
    I just get what I need and get out…a woman on the go!!
    Finding the right man sometimes means going for quality. And some extra shopping cause hes a big purchase and you are going to have to look at him for a long time….likely….so dont get anyone faddish….u know hes in style right now but hes not a classic…
    Dont go for looks …go for quality.
    Make sure its really comfortable not just cheap….lol
    and NEVER EVER blame yourself !!! if the manufacturer SUCKS!
    That has nothing to do with you!
    (CHildhoods affect men like they affect us and hes sounds like damaged goods…lol)
    Not that I know anything…but dont throw him away! if he will be friends with you? Then go out with him places and MEET OTHER MEN! Go to parties with him when you are too chicken to go alone.
    GO to movies with him and wear ur joggin pants and a pony tail!
    Get him to fix the nail in your tire!
    Flirt shamelessly with him and get lots of lovely feed back from him and bring him along with you to find your MR. Right….who will think you are the best treasure out there!

  331.  #331Jessie1000 on March 23, 2012 at 7:54 am

    Oh girls…On sunday, my Beau has decided to clear some land that belongs to his brother and let me make a garden! IT will be plowed, he told me on saturday and i should take my boys to his land and clear any debris so I can start planting….LOL im a farmer and I always go on and on about how I HAte the city…IM a little hick and how Im sure my kids are going to grow up to be stupid because I dont know what to do with them in all this concrete….Isnt that sweet?
    He wants to plant tomatoes, and peppers, and cucumbers and lots of stuff …theres more than 1 acre…! im so excited.
    It feels so nice to grow something together with him….who wants to get married?
    Id rather grow a garden with a guy…it seems so non conventional !
    Everyone gets married
    How intimate is that? It feels like a blending of minds and not just a piece of paper and go and be happy!
    im just too happy today over this news
    Now i just want to kiss him all over
    I guess going on and on about how miserable I am in the city stirred something up in him (I just figured he would think i was a whiney little baby)
    Im so surprised
    I cant wait to see the little seedlings start to pop up
    I cant wait to smell fresh turned dirt
    I cant wait to teach my sons how to grow things
    I cant wait to be my old self
    Im shy to let my Beau see me cause im a HICK
    Im shy to let him know how excited I am
    Im shy to tell him that his idea is like gold apples
    Im shy to tell him a garden is better than a firari
    Im shy to let him see my body
    Im shy to hold his hand cause he likes me so much
    Im shy to remember my mother bending over in the garden cause it makes me shaky
    Im shy with my heart and feelings cause they are already broken and hardly taped together
    Im shy to be loved because it makes me want to stay still

  332.  #332blue rose on March 23, 2012 at 7:56 am

    330: Jessie1000

    oh you made me smile!

    he admitted last night that he had his heart broken by a girl about 5 years ago, and he was completely in love with her. one night she was sad because a guy didn’t like her back who she was completely in love with. and they made out. hard core.

    he went back the next day thinking they had something, and she said she doesn’t see him like that. broke his heart.

    i joked that all men were broken, and he heard me say he is broken, and agreed. i was shocked, and told him, i don’t mean you, why would you think that? i was joking!

    i think you have some really great points, jessie1000.

    and thanks for making me smile. all i can do is be more fabulous and try to not let this bring me down.

  333.  #333lk on March 23, 2012 at 8:14 am

    so weird. even though i felt awesome all day & ran errands & ran home, when i tried to open the front door, it was locked, & then cd opened the door & he said, “you left the car lights on, will you turn them off ?” … well… i did leave the car lights on by accident… but my arms were full of groceries & there was still charcoal in the car & the car still had to be moved… ?! so i got so mad, got back in the car, turned the car on, moved the car, turned the lights off, picked up the groceries again, went in the house & i was just shaking angry. it felt horrible.

    ok, so… i hadn’t eaten anything all day except for a banana & a mini bag of popcorn, because i was running late yesterday & forgot to take food & forgot i had food in the fridge, etc. etc. & also i was all high-strung because i worked a long day & ran errands & made plans to move & buy a car in the next 7 days. cr8zy !

    anyway, i threw a tantrum & that’s a deal-breaker for cd. i barely could kiss him hello & then i moved loudly around the house & got in the shower. it would be a deal-breaker for me too if he acted like that.

    i felt really scared… like, lk, how come you can’t control this if it means you’re going to lose someone so special ? & then i did remember that i did learn to control it & i’m really much better than i ever was before & i recognized my old patterns that feel so heavy & i was able to stop hxting myself. & i realized that it was ok for him to leave because of unacceptable behaviors.

    we talked about it being unacceptable. escalating arguments leads to violence & unhappiness in the home. i agreed… i said that i’m sorry – & not like i want to be forgiven, just i’m sorry that i don’t already know how to deal with this. i wish i already had it taken care of… & thank you for helping me & loving me…

    & i do know that i can heal this. i trust myself.

    it felt weird to have that happen with such little provocation… after in general i’ve had my anger under control for the past couple years…

    & my breasts hurt & i missed my last cycle & i threw up this morning, so i feel really buzzy about taking a pregnancy test…. o_0 eeee wow weird

  334.  #334Jessie1000 on March 23, 2012 at 8:14 am

    blue rose! Hell yah! You are someones treasure! You! You are the girl they have always been looking for! You are the one that they say ….ur way hotter than her cause they like you sooo soo much that you start getting prettier in their eyes than anyone else!
    You are the girl that some guy is going to tell his friends omg…i cant stop thinking about her!
    Just meet lots of them and you could always agree with him….

    tell him ur right! Tell him…ive changed my mind…your NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!!!
    Ur not relationship material! Tell him he seems like a wounded duck…
    Some guys LOVVVVVVE to be chased….they are so annoying.
    I told my BEAU that he should go marry a nice young girl and have 10 kids
    I told my BEAU that he was way too young for me (hes only a couple years younger)
    I told my BEAU that he couldnt have me cause I need to be chased all the time cause I get bored quick
    and you know what? He feels somehow like he has to defend his need for me and chases me all the time….sometimes I just shut my phone off for 3 days cause i feel tired from him…and as soon as I turn it on…he is calling
    Hes like so you shut ur phone off on S+++++Boy Huh? HOw long did you think you could ignore me?
    Then he tells me hes coming over…lol
    THOSE are the guys that feel good
    and some guys wouldnt give me the time of day….honest….im no catch!!!
    But this Beau just likes me
    We do nothing together
    I hate to go out on dates
    We sit and talk about absolutely nothing
    I asked him do we have anything in common? And he said yah…we are both funny
    Find the guy or guys that love you like this and then you will never feel down again!!!
    Find someone who makes you feel silly and happy and like a kid….cause I read alot of your posts and you seem absolutely Fantastic
    Say Im fantastic
    Im so cool today
    Say Im going to bump into every man I can until I get someone Fresh to look at
    Fresh and sexy and with nice kind eyes!
    Or dumb and rich and wants to spend money
    Or fat and smart and makes me laugh
    Or tall and quiet and is a great kisser
    I love men!! lol I could never be single ….they are just tooo yummy

  335.  #335Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 8:14 am

    Lizka I feel good reading about how you reached out to the Universe and then fell asleep. I am believing with you that help is on its way to you

  336.  #336Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 8:14 am

    Lizka I feel good reading about how you reached out to the Universe and then fell asleep. I am believing with you that help is on its way to you

  337.  #337lk on March 23, 2012 at 8:22 am

    anger feels horrible, by the way, & i intend to not feel that way again.

  338.  #338Jessie1000 on March 23, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Blue rose….treat him like somebody you used to know
    cut him off?
    I love this girl and her cutting him off! Listen to this —I dont want to live this way….

  339.  #339lk on March 23, 2012 at 8:23 am

    or – feel it, but then soften my resistance to loving & listening to the anger… so i can still “have” anger, but i can FEEL gentle & heard

  340.  #340Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 8:24 am

    Mochaberri I encourage you to rewrite that coonversation with more feeling messages. For instance where you said “oh my” you could have included I was feeling so busy —————- then I felt so tired it slipped my mind. Though I sense he is realizing that he is not the of your world so his attraction has gone up.

  341.  #341April Rose on March 23, 2012 at 8:29 am

    How soon will you take the test?……!!!!

  342.  #342blue rose on March 23, 2012 at 8:30 am

    #334: Jessie1000


    thanks for being so supportive and encouraging.

    i hope your guy appreciates you.

    will be back on tonight, trolling 🙂

  343.  #343Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 8:30 am

    I hope you are not pregnant lk. I like the idea of living together and enjoying each other before dealing with stress of pregnancy and a newborn.

  344.  #344lk on March 23, 2012 at 8:35 am

    the cr8zy thing was how much i realized i was somehow afraid to share my feelings ! can you imagine ?? that’s all i’ve been trying to do & it would have worked so well.

    cd said that storming around felt like machismo to him. i agreed… & i actually started crying, realizing how i didn’t trust him to care for my baby girl in that moment & how i’d moved into my own masculine defenses & how angry i felt… like my girl wasn’t cared for… & i told cd, wow that feels so true to me that that behavior is masculine & now i’m seeing how it’s the opposite of what i felt like doing, which is going all soft & saying, “oh, i feel so tired, my arms feel so heavy & i feel so weak…. it would feel so good if you went to move the car & turn the lights off” & he said, i want to help you, baby & he held me & i felt really moved.

    HOWEVER, if you think i learned my lesson, i woke up this morning & felt a little sick & when i got ready to leave i said to CD, actually i feel really shaky & he said, do you want me to drive you ? & i said no… not if it’s inconvenient & he said, i don’t want you to be unsafe … back & forth back & forth until i was about to leave & drive myself & i looked back & said, “you can’t drive me?” & he said, “i don’t mind driving you. do you want me to drive you ? ” & i said, “yes, i want you to drive me” so he did.

    but, jeez !!! express your feelings, lk !!!

  345.  #345April Rose on March 23, 2012 at 8:36 am

    gosh, if tantrums were a deal-breaker in my life then there would be lots of deals getting broken!

    Surely they can be accepted and forgiven as long as they don’t become the norm?
    I would feel scared if I knew I wasn’t allowed to express myself in an explosive way once in a while.

  346.  #346lk on March 23, 2012 at 8:40 am


    i actually think i’m probably just messed up hormonally right now from The Pill… it feels nice to me too to imagine living with him, no stress for a while : ))) thank you for your energy : )

  347.  #347luzydel on March 23, 2012 at 8:43 am

    I’m becoming very picky I want a high quality man, I dated the nice guys who were not good for me. At the level of self grouth I am not digging online dating that much any more its full of cliche. We’ll see what happens, I am desiring a connection so much just have not met him yet.

  348.  #348April Rose on March 23, 2012 at 8:49 am

    Thanks for what you wrote.
    I can see that my default tantrum explosions were often anger at myself for covering up and not expressing softness and vulnerability.

  349.  #349Starla on March 23, 2012 at 8:51 am

    my vibe is dropping…i was doing good but actually i feel really bad about not having plans with cf this weekend.. i feel mega unimportant to him.

  350.  #350lk on March 23, 2012 at 8:53 am


    the monday plan probably feels weekend-ish to him & he is probably low on gas dollars ?

    write a new story, lady

  351.  #351Starla on March 23, 2012 at 8:56 am

    lk i know that’s what the deal is, but without him communicating to me what is going on and why we’re not seeing each other more than once a week when we discussed 2-3 times a week a bunch of times, i feel shut out. like i don’t even get the chance to say “ohh i feel sad we won’t get to see each other,” or express how disconnected i feel. instead it’s like i’m fumbling around in the dark, and i’m supposed to pretend like everything is peachy keen when i go to his mom’s house with him on monday? and i don’t want to get closer to his family if after 9 months he’s a guy who doesn’t make me feel like he wants to spend as much time as possible with me? even if he can’t actually spend the time with me, i at least want to FEEL like he wants to.

    lk, i feel sad:( pray for me? lol

  352.  #352Ella on March 23, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Hello Sirens,

    I feel odd that I have hardly been on the blog at all. I have been so busy with work, family and MWC.

    Mostly stuff with MWC seems to be on track and going well.

    I did not spend much time with him for about a week after there was the issue with the drinking and now it seems as though he is choosing to drink a lot less.

    I’m not saying the issue has gone away, just that mostly I feel ok about things now.

    Other than that he continues to be amazingly step up… treats me like a Queen, is devoted and I feel good, loved and topped up.

    I am still feeling very unclear about quite how to navigate CD-ing, or not CD-ing right now.

    I mean there are still men hovering around on the outskirts and I did go on a date with Super Nice CD last week when I was feeling in the thick of it with MWC.

    Mostly I am just focusing on my own feelings and that feels good.

    There is a less than step up guy who already poofed once who is now trying to make a comeback and wants to ‘explain’ and meet up etc.

    I just feel indifferent.

    Then there is a new CD on POF who seems all masc, and normal and really step up offering to drive over and meet me…

    And I have not replied.

    He wants to take me to a pub where MWC has friends, and I don’t know… it just somehow feels like cheating.

    I feel unsure.

    Part of me is telling me to CD in full, and part of me is telling me to just CD in terms of interacting and smiling with men for now, but not actual, proper dates, unless something changes with MWC in which case I would be ready to start CD-ing again at
    the drop of a hat.

    I do feel a little worried/weird that CD-ing would not be fair, or would cause me to lose what is being offered, which is basically moving towards the comittment that I want.

    Its just me putting the brakes on things because of my concerns.

  353.  #353Starla on March 23, 2012 at 8:58 am

    i want to go with the flow and let it all unfold naturally and tell him when the time is right, but i feel so much pressure to not bring this with us to his mom’s house, and i wish we didn’t have those stupid plans on monday to see his mom, but instead i feel this great responsibility to overfunction

    i feel like crrryyyyiiingnggg

  354.  #354lk on March 23, 2012 at 9:01 am


    remember, since you aren’t blaming him for anything, it feels really easy to share even your negative feelings, even if you’re in the car on the way to meet his mom. seriously. : )

  355.  #355Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 9:03 am

    Starla it sounds like time to switch to better feeling thoughts. Your brain seem to be in overdrive.

  356.  #356Starla on March 23, 2012 at 9:06 am

    354 lk that is so true, i like the way you said that, like “duh of course this is the truth”

    i feel grateful you were born, thank you lk

  357.  #357Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Hi Ella

  358.  #358Jessie1000 on March 23, 2012 at 9:12 am

    starla…is he your husband? Im not sure on the dealio with him…if hes not ….find 2 more to fill in the blanks…lol? I cant wait for anyone and once my Beau tried that shit like….I wah wah…am not sure and I need to sleep more and I need to focus on work…so I just shut my phone off.
    I dont wait for anyone…Im needy lol and I get lonely sitting in the bathroom for a pee…lol
    Cant u see anyone else? Or have a girls night? Make him feel like if he doesnt keep u busy then ur going to”misbehave” or worse yet, replace him….Or can u fill me in?

  359.  #359Tiffany on March 23, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Ha! I feel like – laughing? I feel like giggling? I feel like a squid. I don’t know what that feels like. It just came up. hahaahah.

    I checked my email this morning, and wouldn’t you know it, the orchid man wrote back to me (notice the lower case letters there, did you? Yep. I wrote that.)

    I feel surprised. I did not expect to hear from him.

    And I feel like laughing, because I realized that a part of me didn’t WANT to hear from him. I don’t want to have to “talk” about it. I don’t want to have to think about it or focus on it in any way, when I am trying to live my life. I’d let it go…and then he comes back.

    But I still don’t know what the email says. I still think it’s over. I know in my heart that he’s not right for me, and that’s all I really need to know.

    I suspect his message is blazingly mundane and boring. Something like, “Yeah, take care.” Or who knows.

    It could be anything. It could be hurtful. It could be nice. Like Shrodinger’s cat. (do I have the right guy, there?) You know, the philosophical thing about the cat in the box – the probability that the cat is dead or alive or I guess even there at all. None of these things are known until you open the box and look. Kind of a quantum mechanical thing as well – particles behaving differently when you look at them as opposed to when you don’t.

    So I am enjoying the not knowing. I can sometimes sense a tonality of a message before I read it, though. I wonder how that factors into the philosophy? ha!

    Not knowing. Knot knowing. Knowing knots. Knowing lots.

    I feel like a squid.

    Inky blackness, I can confuse my predators and skitter away….to safety

  360.  #360Starla on March 23, 2012 at 9:16 am

    jessie he is a CD of 9 months. i think he’s a “soul mate” actually, but this ONE issue gets me over and over, usually about once a month, like clockwork.

    i do have other cds and things to do. i just feel unimportant, and it makes me feel not safe to move deeper in our relationship.

  361.  #361Starla on March 23, 2012 at 9:18 am

    omg squidhead open the email cuz *i* wanna know what it says, lol;)

  362.  #362Tiffany on March 23, 2012 at 9:25 am

    I am a little afraid to read the message. I am afraid of what my ego will feel. It might feel something. But I just have to remember that that’s my “ego” and it’s not “me.” So I need to be/feel centered and grounded before I read it. I need to know Who I Am and What I Want and What’s Good for Me. And to trust myself that I will know the best way to “respond” (meaning I might have no response to him – only to me.) And that I might still be able to “let it go” without feel bad, or at a loss, or unworthy. That it’s just the way things are meant to be, and if they were “meant” to be different, then they would be. ha!

    So I think I will go to work, first. I think I will take the time to feel engaged and like part of the “work” of the Universe. And then I won’t have to rely so much on my “ego” to take care of things….

    merci beaucoup…

  363.  #363Jessie1000 on March 23, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Starla…one night my beau said how was last night?
    I said…wonderful…I said I need to see u again
    He said…smartass…maybe next week
    I said that doesnt make me happy
    He said..Ok then…next month?
    I said that really doesnt make me happy
    He said Why lol?
    I said cause i need u all the time
    and he was so much nicer and warmer and saw me that night and cancelled plans with his brother…he he
    I think he was testing me to see if I noticed or gave a crap….
    Now he never leaves me alone for a minute…cause I tell him that I love attention….i got to have it
    all the time cause if not im not interested….
    its my mantra
    maybe ur man is actually testing u?
    to see if u need him?
    then u dont have to tell him what to do…like i wouldnt say oh…u have to come over
    I just tell him im bored all the time…like complain alot and he steps up
    but if he didnt….
    i would have someone else cause Im too good to sit around and wait…lol
    could he be testing u?
    to see how u feel?
    to make sure?
    to see if u notice or not?

  364.  #364Starla on March 23, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Jessie, thank you so much for writing to me. It feels so nice when people pay attention to me:)

    I do consider the things you’re saying, actually! but i tend not to do that because i don’t want to go un-rori and i’m not sure how to find my happy balance yet here with asking to see him more.

    i do think he is testing me a little. like he won’t move forward if i seem to have other stuff to keep me busy, like he’d be bothering me.

    but we have talked about it sooooooooo many times, it’s unbelievable to think he thinks i don’t care.

  365.  #365Jessie1000 on March 23, 2012 at 9:39 am

    tiffany…i love to avoid
    If i get a bill in the mail, but im not sure its a bill…i hate to open it
    I never call people in case they are busy or dont feel like talking
    I avoid my feelings like the plague
    lol i avoid fighting
    I avoid arguing
    I hate to check my marks online for a long time…in case its bad news
    I usually think it will be bad news too and its usually not…
    I avoid checking the weather cause then i will know
    I avoid asking boys how they feel cause it might be bad
    I avoid buying new products, like hair stuff or makeup in case they dont work out or waste my money
    I avoid anything that potentially could go sour
    I hate performance reviews cause they might say something bad about me
    Id rather shut my phone than hear that my guy wants to break up
    Id rather keep quiet than tell my Beau that I love him cause he might not feel the same
    I play safe
    I love it
    Im colonial polite
    I always avoid anyone who looks crabby or in a really bad mood….purposely, walk around them…not visit them…pretend Im super busy
    I always avoid…ive been an avoider all my life…lol
    hence why I love this blog
    I avoid intimacy
    I have 1 friend who really honestly knows me and sometimes she tries to get me to talk…and guess what? I avoid her too
    I saw my landlord at my door and thought he wnated to evict me
    He came…lol lol to give me a fantastic job….I almost didnt answer but my little son opened the door so he knew I was inside
    I got mad at my son!! teaching avoidance lol
    poor kid
    my landlord smiled at me and asked me to work for him
    I almost didnt know!
    Im negative
    I think
    Now I want to avoid thinking if Im negative lol lol

  366.  #366Jessie1000 on March 23, 2012 at 9:48 am

    starla…i agree…dont lean forward by doing or asking but saying how u feel is rori!
    I feel like I need u more than this
    maybe hes super insecure and acting tough?
    Maybe hes clueless?
    maybe u can DO something different in response to his actions if he really knows that ur bothered and isnt paying attention…
    get busy…put him in a huge time out and when he can finally track u down ….dont dump him …just say I feel unappreciated and Im bored with it
    Get too busy for his schedule…lol
    I put mine in a time out for 6 days…i told him I had to wash my hair (how laverne and shirley) so I couldnt see him and I told him all the same stupid stuff that he says…oh Im too tired to night or Im busy with work and it was like it “trained” him that if I wanted to do it back and not argue anymore…it wasnt so fun on his side….I put the same shoe on his feet…(and it nearly killed me and i was sure if i didnt give hm attention that he would replace me and I was sure that my connecting with him was creating our connection and one night I went to bed and to sleep saying his name…cause I felt so distraught) and when I finally talked to him ….he sooo got the point and he was so so sorry…
    He called and I just absolutely couldnt take the game anymore…lol and I said HI babydoll
    and he said why u call me babydoll after all the stupid things Ive done to u
    I said LOL
    he said Can i call u? (so politely like i might not answer and he better get permission)
    and I said OK in five….like I couldnt resist
    and he was like im coming over right now…im in the car LOL LOl
    and I felt soo so good but now I know too that if I did that to him….he wont forget me…he will chase me and hunt me and he learned a lesson cause now he sounds really grateful when i answer….and sighs alot when we sit together like he is relieved I didnt BOOOK…
    it might take some nerve though to test him and yourself….and a tiny bit of self created loneliness and a lot of determination

  367.  #367Mel on March 23, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Hey Starla,

    Firstly, I have sooooooo been there!

    For some reason, if I say to myself “Mel… he’s done nothing wrong.” that seems to flip some sort of switch in my brain and I’m better able to take the focus off him, ask my little girl what she wants, and feel better.

  368.  #368Starla on March 23, 2012 at 9:54 am

    yay it’s mel:)

  369.  #369Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 9:54 am

    From Bob Grant

    From Bob:

    Whenever a client ask me my opinion about living together before marriage I always tell them these statistics:

    The probability of a first marriage ending in a divorce within 5 years is 20%, but the probability of a premarital cohabitation breaking up within 5 years is 49%. After 10 years, the probability of a first marriage ending is 33%, compared with 62% for cohabitations.

    I want you to marry a wonderful man AND have him captivated by you for the rest of your life. My wife would never have allowed me to Rent her on a trial basis. Why should you?

    Featured Topic: MORE Secrets I Bet You Don’t Know About Men

    1) When I’m upset I am very tone sensitive. How you say it is more important than what you say.

    Most women focus on the content of a conversation when they’re upset. Not Men. While they do pay attention to what you’re saying, how you say it is more important. When you are in a disagreement you can yell, scream, or whatever…but that usually leads to a breakup. He can’t hear you when it’s too intense.
    He may well deserve to be yelled at and if he does, then go for it. Just remember, the greater the amount of emotion a man feels, the more sensitive he is to your tone.

    2) I don’t always know how I feel. That’s why I don’t tell you.

    Men have an ability that most women don’t understand: we can shut off our feelings pretty easily. In fact, most of the time we aren’t feeling anything. It takes a lot of effort for a man to allow himself to “feel.” If you want to know what a man is feeling, ask him this question instead, “What do you think about __________?”

    You won’t get an emotional answer like you’d receive from one of your girlfriends, but it’s easier for him to begin sharing his thoughts rather than start revealing his feelings.

    3) If I do one thing and say something contradictory, go with my actions. That will always tell you what’s in my heart.

    I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but it’s true… words simply don’t mean as much to men as they do women. The reason is that men tend to say what they believe…in the moment. Since men don’t feel often, they are very susceptible…when they do feel. If they are feeling romantic at the moment, they may make a promise that they sincerely believe.

    However, they may not keep that promise once that romantic feeling fades away. It isn’t right and it certainly isn’t mature to do this, but that’s how men think.

    It is when a man consistently does these things that a woman should trust his intentions. It isn’t as important that a man says wonderful things as it is when his actions align with what he says.

    Here’s 2 MORE:

    4) I don’t like to argue because…

    Men don’t like to argue – really. The reason is that a disagreement can lead to a conflict.
    For men, a conflict is a battle that you must win. As a woman, you don’t want to get into a battle with a man for because he’s got a lot more testosterone than you do. He’s wired/designed for combat and when you argue with him he’s seeing you as a man. He doesn’t want to nurture or protect you but he feels like you’re acting in a competitive way and he assumes you are challenging him.

    What you want to cultivate in your man is the understanding that you can discuss anything with him, as long as it doesn’t feel competitive. This mean you’ll need to train him to cherish you…even when he’s upset with you.

    5) I don’t need you to do things for me. What I crave is being able to please you.
    There is one thing men crave above everything else and it’s power. Men need, want, and will do anything to feel powerful. For this reason, a man’s self esteem is built up by 2 things: What he accomplishes and What he overcomes.

    Men’s self worth is closely related to what they accomplish. This is the main reason why a man losing his job is often harder emotionally for him than it would be for a woman. His identity is measured by what he makes, produces and achieves in his career.

    In addition, when men overcome a problem, it makes them feel empowered. Every problem that a man fixes (or conquers) is a way for him to prove to himself that he’s strong, smart, and tough.This is why the most important thing a woman can do when she sees her man struggling isn’t to help him fix his problem. Her good intentions will often be interpreted by him in this way, “Oh, so you don’t think I can fix this on my own?”

    What is better is for her to say this, “I don’t know how you’ll solve this, but I know you will. I’ve seen you figure out things before and I trust in your ability.”

    Now, I’d never suggest that a man say that to a woman, but if a man hears the woman he loves say such a thing his mind will begin racing with these thoughts:
    “Wow, she really thinks I can do this.”
    “Maybe I can.”
    “Actually I know I can, because I can’t disappoint her.”

    Try it the next time he has a problem that seems overwhelming to him.

  370.  #370Starla on March 23, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Mel, I am totally feeling better now, thanks to the lovely ladies here, but it does bother me that we only see each other once a week, and he’s not telling me “hey i know we talked about seeing each other a lot more but xyz is happening, and i sooo wish i could see you.”

    it would mean the world to me. right now i’m feeling forgotten.

  371.  #371Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Starla are you feeling forgotten or are you feeling sad because you miss him so much during the week?

  372.  #372Mel on March 23, 2012 at 10:08 am


    Before Xmas, when I had not met the kids I wouldn’t see him for like a whole week at a time. It made me feel bad. I am a busy girl with lots on the go, but it still felt bad.

    I told him:

    “I’m feeling kind of needy of attention and snuggles and fun. And I feel really sad that I can’t see you for a whole week… but then that makes me feel sort of guilty because I know you’re busy and your time with the kids is important.

    So I keep busy, and go running and do ballet and hang out with friends, and do my my own thing, but I still miss you. And I feel a little embarrassed to tell you that because I feel a little bit afraid to be thought of as needy or demanding.

    But I do feel a bit needy… and that’s probably because I’m just a girl, and a “feeling-y” girl at that. And girls like me need plenty of cuddles and touches and attention from their men. So I’m just going to be honest about that.

    And I’m not sure what the solution is, because I know it’s complicated… but that’s how I’m feeling.

    What do you think?”

    Starla, I know you’ve talked to him before, but have you ever admitted that you miss him?

    Sorry… I can’t remember if you had. 🙂

  373.  #373Starla on March 23, 2012 at 10:17 am

    fw, mel, i do admit that i miss him, but mel your letter is amazing! and i am going to use my own version of it

    thank you ladies

    you all make me feel so blesssssed!

  374.  #374Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Alexandra Fox

    So here’s my advice for today: Instead of “playing it cool” or “playing it hot,” LEAD HIM IN!

    “Leading him in” is basically being a much better, much more attractive, and much more fun version of yourself. You basically improve and enhance your personality to NATURALLY attract men. No “playing” necessary!

    To make it a bit easier, here’s the difference between the three:

    When you “play it cool” with a great single guy, you don’t ask for his number — and he doesn’t ask for yours. You never see each other again.

    When you “play it hot,” you write down your number on a piece of Kleenex — even before he asks for it — and chirp at him, “Call me anytime!” (Of course, he doesn’t. End of story.)

    But when you “lead him in,” you engage him in a quick 5-minute conversation that’s so intellectually sexy that he can’t help but ask for your number. And when you do give it to him, you tell him:

    “Do your worst!”

    Now THAT’S a challenge he won’t back out of!

    “Leading him in” is a self-improvement philosophy that I’ve been teaching my readers for several months now, and it’s been helping many of them create healthy, sexy, and enjoyable relationships with the men in their lives.

    By the way, there’s another word for “leading him in.” Do you know what it is?

    It’s “Seduction.”

    Neat, huh?

  375.  #375Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 10:23 am

    Do you ever feel like you’re on the verge of a profound shift in consciousness?

    Have you had glimpses of an extraordinary spiritual potential that you hardly know how to speak about? (and if you do speak about it, other people look at you like you’re from another planet?).

    Do you have a sense that your own spiritual transformation is not just a personal matter, but that by evolving yourself, you are participating in the evolution of humanity, life and consciousness itself?

    And, yet, in spite of this, do you struggle with how to bring this deeper sense of flow, ease, and fullness of being into your day to day life?

    If so, there is an event you need to know about…

    It’s called: The Key to Evolving Beyond Ego – How to Make the Change that Changes Everything with Craig Hamilton.

  376.  #376Jessie1000 on March 23, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Feminine woman…I like this…body language is important too…hold yourself in ur sexiest pose….shoulders back, eye contact, smiles, flip the hair, 100% attention on everything they say down to the last word before you say something back….i always interrrupt but im trying to fix that…and think about them looking sexy for you, shaving for you, sexy thoughts which make you look them up and down, like undressing all of their good features, lol its an art that is not easily learned

  377.  #377April Rose on March 23, 2012 at 10:35 am

    My eyebrows gave me a fright this morning when I looked in the mirror.
    On closer inspection they are actually quite good, although very sparse towards the tail end (is that what you call it I wonder?)

  378.  #378Ella on March 23, 2012 at 10:42 am


    I meant to say Thank You for your lovely comments on my Gravatar and changes in the last thread!


  379.  #379April Rose on March 23, 2012 at 10:44 am


    I’m really enjoying your posts.
    You feel so feisty and fun.

  380.  #380Iamabutterfly on March 23, 2012 at 10:53 am

    I saw an old CD at a funeral last night. When he saw me, his face lit up and he shrugged. We didn’t get to talk and I miss him. I feel sad. 🙁

  381.  #381lk on March 23, 2012 at 10:56 am

    ok, well i just took a pregnancy test & i’m not pregnant.

    i’m feeling a little weird now, though, as my friend mentioned that CD saying that me throwing a tantrum is unacceptable behavior sounds like controlling behavior to her.

    i don’t want to feel controlled… & i don’t want to feel my partner considers themselves a moral authority over me.

  382.  #382Mochaberri on March 23, 2012 at 10:59 am

    @ FW #304

    Thanks I will use more feeling messages.

    And I agree he is starting to notice that I my degree of difficulty is rising and he is grasping to hold on.

    The weird thing is that when we wer out Monday night he mentioned that the clutch I was carrying he had never seen it before. I offered in a joking way to show him all of my stuff. SO I teasingly said well we have to go ut to see my stuff, most times we go out I have my work bag and changing bags frequently isn’t a favorite thing of mine. He said he did not want to see all my stuff. So I responded “I feel hurt”. I wasn’t being serious as the mood was light and airy. He then said to me you are always feeling hurt and if you do it it’s OK but if someone else does it you don’t like it. So I responded saying that I was joking and my feelings were hurt the time I called you and you yelled and screamed and I don’t think that is OK and have never done that to you but this situation my feelings aren’t hurt. He then said that he will see my stuff when we go out I then told him the history of the clutch.

  383.  #383April Rose on March 23, 2012 at 11:25 am

    To relieve my mind, I am going to purge it here of one or two of my relentless fantasies, and my feelings about them.
    Going around and around them in my imagination feels like slow torture. I’m driving myself nuts.

    Two men. One good, kind, steady, relentless in his quest to make me happy (WM). The other sharp, intelligent, dark, mysterious, unpredictable, exciting, addictive (EM).
    (So far, that’s the reality part.)
    The fantasy part involves me searching for ways to have them both.
    I suppose I should call it CONFLICT NUMBER 1

    The Fantasy – involves me allowing myself to think/feel that I can have both.
    Plan; Find myself a home so that I no longer live with one of them (WM). Feel free to go where I want when I want with who I want.
    Essence of the fantasy = to feel free.

  384.  #384Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Mocha some of it kind of reads like how you talk to girlfriends, sorry. I would not encourage you to suggest showing all your stuff, it is none of his business anyway. As a matter of fact just in case it comes up again I would choose “I feel like a girl and all exicited and silly having you notice my stuff. I love attention”.

    I would choose another feeling message than I feel hurt. Obviously the two situations “require” different intensity in feelings. His message to you I believe is to really go deep, notice your feelings and find words to describe them. Saying “we have to go out to see my stuff” is hinting and suggesting, maybe even playing games and pretentious. Remember to bring it back to you “I love to go out so I can show off my stuff” maybe. Mochaberri it might help to get curious about the feedback he is reflecting to you rather than rehashing history also. When he made the comment about you “always” feeling hurt it might have been good to ask him what he meant. Then thank him for letting you know rather than getting explainey. Remember “choose your words”.

    I know these comments might come across as critical and nitpicky but I hope you find some value in them. I do believe he is helping you to know yourself.

  385.  #385April Rose on March 23, 2012 at 11:30 am

    I’m being offered a serious commitment but I want to go back to dating!!!

  386.  #386April Rose on March 23, 2012 at 11:36 am


    All the benefits of committed relationship with all the fun of dating.

    Damit, these are just big words. Sorry.

    I want WM’s care and loyalty. AND, I want to play with EM’s adventurous spirit.
    I want it all.

  387.  #387April Rose on March 23, 2012 at 11:37 am

    I want a Mum and a Dad again?

    Is that what the psychologists might say?

  388.  #388Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 11:38 am

    April Rose one of my fantasies is to embody the kinds of things that men look for in women and can’t find it one so they have more than one. I imagine embodying that while free and imagining 100 men coming at me trying to get me to choose one.

  389.  #389Starla on March 23, 2012 at 11:39 am

    Ladies, I have a question, then. So I’m feeling all sad not having plans with him this weekend, so what do i do with his texts? like he texted me about how he has had the pleasure of explaining this one linguistic concept three separate times in his classes in the last two days, and that i’m the only one he can nerd out to and share that with, so thanks..and he sent hearts and stuff…

    i’m not sure what to say to that. i could respond like normal? and be like aww that’s nice. lol i dunno!!!!!!!

  390.  #390Tiffany on March 23, 2012 at 11:41 am

    @ Turquoise – yes, the orchid is perfect.

    She responds according to her nature, and in no other way. This is what I mean by “perfect.”

    “Perfect” does not have to mean that you are flourishing in an environment that doesn’t give you what you need. This causes stress.

    And let me tell you, this orchid has had way too much experience “flourishing” in toxic or nourishment-deprived environments. I think she deserves something different.

    And you may want to think about what you mean by “perfect.” Is an animal/flower/object/person only perfect when they are doing well? This seems narrow and limited. I believe the universe may contain a standard of perfection that includes ideas outside our human ideas of something that is aesthetically perfect. It can include things that do not necessarily look perfect to us. Think wabi sabi. 🙂

  391.  #391Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Iamabutterfly to me the question is what lesson did the Universe send him back to you to learn?

    I would look at myself and see how I felt in my body when I saw how to see if I showed that in any way. Also was there any experience I had with him that I might have shut down my heart and blocked him? How open was my heart this time when I saw him? Did I focus my attention to opening my heart and allowing my heart light to flicker for him and all the world to see?

  392.  #392Starla on March 23, 2012 at 11:42 am

    lol tiffany i’m still waiting for you to open that email

  393.  #393Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Starla “it would have felt like magic and sparkling energy if you could have shared that with me in person on Wednesday so I could see the ___________________look on your face and feel the nerderific energy in living color” or something to that effect.

    It might be a bit suggestive but I would experiment with something like that.

  394.  #394Starla on March 23, 2012 at 11:49 am

    fw, i don’t understand…he is referring to yesterday and today. what does wednesday have to do with anything? thanks!

  395.  #395Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Starla sometimes I am silly, I know.

  396.  #396Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 11:51 am

    RE 394 I did not know what days it happened so I was suggesting something based on an assumption that it happened Tuesday or Wednesday.

  397.  #397Starla on March 23, 2012 at 11:53 am

    fw, you are awesome, this i know;)

  398.  #398Starla on March 23, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    i’m about a few impulse control failures away from texting him “i miss you and need to see you soon…what do you think?”

  399.  #399Izzy on March 23, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    I regret I read that Alexandra Fox stuff.

  400.  #400Mel on March 23, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Oooooh, my heart!

    He just emailed me with a link asking what I thought about a wardrobe/dresser.

    When we were talking about moving-in, I said: but I need a little of my own “space” because your closet’s too small. I had a couple other reasonable concerns too. Looks like he’s all about figuring them out! 🙂

  401.  #401Starla on March 23, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    why, izzy? and hi!

  402.  #402Lizka on March 23, 2012 at 12:31 pm


    I have an interview at the company where my girl friend works. She sent my resumé this mor ing and they already called me and booked me in for next week!

  403.  #403Mel on March 23, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Yay Lizka! That universe sure does listen, doesn’t she?


  404.  #404Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Lizka you are already working your magic. The Universe responded to your request.

  405.  #405Lizka on March 23, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Mel – Universe is a “she” ? Lol always thought it was. “he”. 🙂 congrats to you to on the moving with Mr A! Amd for the dressin closet!! 🙂

    FW – yeah apparently! 24 hours after I’ve been told that I might get fired, I get the opportunity to work with my friend!! Yay!

    Hope Universe listen to my other requests!!

  406.  #406Mochaberri on March 23, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    @ FW #384 – I welcome your suggestions and feedback as it helps me to come back to myself and notice my energy and use your suggestions as well as the other sirens here.

    It may sound like when I talk to my girlfriends but it helped me drop my defensive stance and be myself. The only difference was that I was more girly and soft – flirting with him using my eyes and body language.

    Just to clarify – I did not suggest we have to go out – I said that although we haven’t been out in awhile that is usually when I change my bags. And I offered to show him all my stuff. A lot of times when we go out and he sees something I have – shoes, bag, etc – he makes a comment that it’s new because he never saw it before. I like your suggestion about letting him know that I like that he notices things.

  407.  #407damian on March 23, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Interesting question, I think good guys are a little different from quality guys.

  408.  #408Jessie1000 on March 23, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    April Rose…your so mild and sweet…
    you are looking for those things? Are they the things you liked in old boyfriends and wanting a replacement?
    Just wondering?
    Not too long ago….
    I wanted my 3rd husband back so badly it hurt….i sat and sat and looked and looked for a copy but hes really unique and crazy fun and wild and untamable and unproductive lol and terrified of rooting himself…a very free spirit and there was no one around like him.

    SO when I went on POF and picked ….literally …the first guy I thought was hot….and with big muscles…lol some eye candy and he looked nothing or seemed nothing like my 3rd husband and we were texting back and forth….i told him…im warning you my heart is closed because i just got dumped by the most wonderful guy in the world (a year ago) and my heart is COLD
    and my guy, who is my new beau of 4 months said…for some reason….I will open your heart again!!!
    SO sweet
    it took my breath away….and he has been true to his word….he came the first day and has barely left me alone for a second…wierd huh?
    the universe is wierd…I love his quiet…stable…working man…steadiness….and i didnt even know that I would love that!!!
    ANyway just wondering where you got your categories from? previous boyfriend qualities?
    your friends boyfriends?

  409.  #409Tiffany on March 23, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    I feel curious why I might feel a little “charged up” nervous or anxious, hearing that my “orchid” might not be “perfect” if it is suffering through no fault of its own. I would never blame an orchid if it died because I didn’t water it. Would you?

  410.  #410Tiffany on March 23, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    All of this is, of course, purely in my imagination. I am *not* an orchid. I am in fact a human being, and that means I have options. I can nourish myself, and I can find other sources for what I need.

    The “orchid” here may well have been the relationship itself.

    I still endeavor to be more like an orchid, though. Beautiful, complex, and unapologetically “picky.” Not because I an difficult, though, but because I am delicate, yet strong, and I simply need what I need. No excuses, no qualifications, no substitutions.

    I can learn to simply grow beautifully as I am.

    And the reward for anyone who can learn to care for me in the particular way I need, is a spectacular bloom that will last a very long time….

  411.  #411Tiffany on March 23, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    I feel sexy today : )

  412.  #412Femininewoman on March 23, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Tiffany I find the analogy of the orchid interesting. I am thinking of Rori’s energetic tool the fern and thinking the energy of the orchid seems more feminine too than the fern.

  413.  #413Emoticon on March 23, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    dangggg i have A LOT of comments 2 catch up on….. but with good reason. i finally got my hair done. Its sooooo pretty. Its crochet braids, which looks like a weave sorta but its better…. i love it its the first time im getting it! I look like Beyonce with it on heehee

  414.  #414April Rose on March 23, 2012 at 2:35 pm


    I have both of these men in my life already. I live with one (WM, the good, loyal one) and love him very much.
    I started to date the other one (EM) when I was feeling neglected (when WM was workaholic-ing and never taking me out.)

    After a few months of dates, I told WM I’d been cuddling with EM and my good man got pretty upset. He said he’d been working all those long hours for MY benefit, to build us a home and working environment that I’d be happy in. He said he felt insulted that I’d been off creating a relationship with somebody else.

    I felt guilty. And I stopped going out with EM. One day, though, he phoned me and asked me to his house for a cuppa. I asked WM if he’d object. He said I could go for a cuppa but not cuddles. He said HE was my cuddler.
    That day I enjoyed talking with EM and felt we could be friends (with a silent undercurrent of intrigue).

    I cycled to see EM at 7 o’clock yesterday morning at his home in the middle of nowhere. I hadn’t seen him in two weeks (he phones often to say he is thinking of me). After a cup of tea we were walking round his garden when he grabbed me and held me close. I felt myself melting. “You shouldn’t be cuddling me, should you?” he said oh so quietly in my ear.
    Something ignited in my whole body. Pleasure. Oh.
    I don’t know how long I stayed in that embrace. I wanted it to be for always.
    Eventually he spoke and we moved apart and I was just about able to take a step towards my bicycle and get on it after he joked that I should go.
    But he didn’t want me to go. And I didn’t want to go. He wanted to take me away for a few days in the sunshine in his camper van.
    But I went. I had to get back before I was missed at home.
    What remains in my heart is such longing……

    …….there is no solution…….not one that I can see……

  415.  #415Emoticon on March 23, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Lush_oasis 🙂

  416.  #416Emoticon on March 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    So this guy jus refuses to get 2 the back of my horse. He insists that he wants another chance at true intimacy….. what do you guys think??? All i feel right now is a lot of love for him and a bit of happiness that he’s so determined to make it work, and of course that makes me wanna say YES i’ll stick around!

  417.  #417Jessie1000 on March 23, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    april rose…lol sex and a boy in your face is so nice….i love it…i hate work…busts up a great sex life…lol…sounds like hes decided some stuff about economics that you havent decided yourself. that sucks too…

  418.  #418April Rose on March 23, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    I’m not having any sex.
    That’s the worst of this silly situation!

  419.  #419FlowerChild77 on March 23, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Two men who want you and no sex?

  420.  #420April Rose on March 23, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    Yep, that’s right.

    At the moment I only feel turned on by the one I can’t have.

    How did I create this situation?

  421.  #421April Rose on March 23, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    I could have the one-I-can’t-have, but I would surely lose my good man?

    Unless I say something drastic as outlined by Rori in Love Scripts
    Say to ‘Man A’ “there’s this man who wants to talk lots with me and wants to have lots of sex with me… what do you think we try an open relationship?”

    Phew. Only to be used in situations of emergency, when the lust for man B is so unbearable you’re going leave your good man for him. This way you have a chance at both.

    Not sure what the odds of it working out are, though.

  422.  #422FlowerChild77 on March 23, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    April Rose…How would that be, though? Two different brands of man-crack. It doesn’t sound like WM (man you live with) would like that very much.

    Have you always want this for yourself or is it something that’s coming to you as you journey on as a Siren?

  423.  #423Jessie1000 on March 23, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    April Rose…I used to jones for sex whenever I dont get it….then when i get single…im practically a worm…asexual…lol
    Its wierd but maybe you just want to be single? or maybe you think workaholic doesnt deserve you and your angry so you want to cheat…can you get the best of both worlds and be single and see both of them in your own house or finances dont work that way?
    Thats the only good thing about my situation right now…im more lonely than happy but I can pick any guy I want cause im single and live only with my kids….maybe your angst is because you need your own space? that would shock the hell out of the loyal good one wouldnt it?
    Dont tell him why and make him figure it out…if he slows down work and comes home after a month of you looking for apartments….try again?
    If he doesnt…get your own place…buy a newspaper, and get single and have fun…the newspaper is to read whenever you feel bored lol
    Then if you get left alone by the “loyal” one cause financially loyal is way way different than emotionally loyal and me personally Id rather have attention than a big bank account
    But who knows and dont ask me cause I dont know anything…I used to be scared to death by rori raye and now after lots of time, Im finally able to put her ideas in practice…takes time….

  424.  #424Jessie1000 on March 23, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    april rose sometimes saying isnt enough…maybe you have to do stuff like plan out how you could not be finanacially or spatially dependant on anyone….way way harder

  425.  #425Jessie1000 on March 23, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    april rose…i didnt mean yur not doing enough…that last comment sounded wierd…i meant like if you want to have lots of fun and see other people and have your own life sometimes you also have to move, or kick them out or whatever and that is soooo much harder to do and until ur ready to talk about it or face it….you might be miserable, without sex, and jones for lots of guys without having the situation to do anything about it…does that make sense?

  426.  #426Turquoise on March 23, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    Where is everyone tonight? Seems quiet on the blog!

  427.  #427Brenda on March 23, 2012 at 8:54 pm


    RE: #269 – Thank you so much! That means a lot to me!

  428.  #428Brenda on March 23, 2012 at 8:54 pm


    There’s a new thread up.

  429.  #429Brenda on March 23, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    Ginger Sky,

    Thank you so much for your sweet comments!

  430.  #430Emoticon on March 24, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Okay if there is anyone on the blog right now, I could use a little help.

    One of my CDs has a bunch of female best friends, one of which he still hangs out with regularly, and that he had sex with before we met (which I know for a fact). She posted “I miss my best friend” on his wall on facebook and it got deleted. (not sure how)

    She came back and posted this

    “Well, since females want to be dumb and insecure and delete my post on my BEST FRIEND wall, I’m going to do it again… I MISS YOU BESTIE!!! ”

    So first of all, im kind of uncomfortable about a guy being best friends with a girl he has a sexual history with.

    secondly…. does a girl have ur FB passowrd. Im a little uncomfortable with that too, because as your friend on FB she has access to all my information, my past conversations with you, EVERYTHING. Im not comfortable with that, and I know anybody can do that nowadays, just give out their passwords, but I just dont feel comfortable.

    I dont know how to tell him this, I want it to be a very Sireny script. But in essence that (the above) is how i feel about what i just saw VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. what do i say, how do i say this?

    Very Uncomfortable

  431.  #431Tiffany on March 24, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    Jessie #365 – that was funny! I loved your “avoidance” list! 🙂

    Starla – “squidhead” – lol!

  432.  #432Tiffany on March 24, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    Hm…Starla, I don’t know the “fern” tool. Although ferns are pretty cool the way they unfurl from little fiddleheads..tehee!

    I can tell you that I have been using the “falling on the floor” technique, or whatever it’s called. Where you just stop and kind of collapse on the floor, or wherever you are, I guess – safely, of course. 😉 And in private…