Good Man vs. Sexy One

Untitled design (14)

maninredHere’s a great letter re: A Good Man vs. A Sexy One” from Gina with a terrific outcome:

Hi and I have an answer for this one!

YES and yes….well, a maybe!

I was also attracted to the bad boy vibes and as it turned out, also that he was so very good at sending these out to so many OTHER women, at the same time!!! No discretion and no discerning one from another, it seemed at the end.

Ever wonder what it feels like to see another woman’s hair in his hairbrush?…tampons under the sink?…car in his driveway?…

Well, enough drama. After a brief mourning, I said YES to dating a really nice man who was interested in ME and in (as he put it) finding a keeper. Never heard those words from Mr. Libido.

So, two years later, I have been courted sweetly and with good intentions. It’s all working out just fine!

He keeps surprising me with ‘sexy’ overtures and ideas….all for ME and isn’t that the best way? He shares many of the same interests and in a nice, normal way.

We are friends, too and I never could say the former Mr. Ex would come to my assistance given the opportunity.

Sure, I did date some guys with no libidos or, given the occasion…NO response.

There is a difference and you will not have to wait long to figure that kind out. Just, don’t take it personally!

Like a pair of shoes, you may be just not a good fit! Good luck!

ps. putting up with that loser, and for too long, despite the signs….but it was a good prep for new man in my life.  The ‘loser’ called me a couple of times and at one point, he and new man were in the same room and I just looked back and forth between them and thought, “Nope, not losing THIS one!” (smile!)  The former looked like the jerky turkey that he was!

Funny how we think one man is just the ultimate HANDSOME until they are side by side!!!…with a REAL DEAL who has got it together.  What flattery!

The plain Joe becomes a “wow”…my guy looks like a young Marlon Brando to me, in fact!

sign me, Still Perking and Passionate

Posted in


  1.  #1T-Girl on June 26, 2014 at 7:42 am

    This article is so spot on and I totally relate.

  2.  #2Kyla on June 26, 2014 at 8:16 am

    “all for ME and isn’t that the best way?”

    A Good man is a Sexy man when you feel high value and deserving of love and good treatment. I feel so turned on when I feel safe and adored and there is nothing like romance tailor made just for you. Good men know how to thrill and excite too! Oh and a Good man can play the bad boy with you if you’re in to that 😉

    A bad boy felt sexy when I was in the mind set of ‘he could have anyone but he wants me so I must be special’ but forgetting that he wanted ‘anyone’. Then it doesn’t feel so special and he’s suddenly not so sexy, eh?

    I am the prize. The game is ‘the relationship I want’. The champion wins the prize. Good luck and may the BEST man win lol!

  3.  #3Indigo on June 26, 2014 at 8:51 am

    I think the sexiest thing in the world is feeling like the perfect fit for the man that you’re with.

    In the context of sex, the best sex (by far) I’ve ever had was not with a bad boy, or with a nice, play-it-safe man… it was with someone whose preferences perfectly matched my own.

    I know these terms are helpful for many, but for me, I feel uncomfortable with the terms “bad boy” – maybe not so much with the term “good man” – but definitely “loser”.

    I don’t really think it’s about good or bad… I think it’s about someone being right *for you*. Yes there are definitely decent men, and yes there are definitely men who mean women no good… but who is to say what is “good” or “bad”? Don’t most of us have issues? The question is, can you live with them? Can you be in relationship with that person? Do they make you more and a better version of yourself? Do they love and care for you in the way that you need? And I just feel the answers to these questions will be as different as the person.

    Sorry, but I’m triggered by labels.

  4.  #4April Rose on June 26, 2014 at 9:25 am

    A real deal who has got it together.

    Yes Please!!!

    new thread up already. Wow, Rori…

  5.  #5April Rose on June 26, 2014 at 9:27 am


    Do they love and care for you in the way that you need?….

    You just nailed it. That is the essence, sweet siren.

    Thank you.

  6.  #6Indigo on June 26, 2014 at 10:12 am

    Yes April Rose, thank you 🙂

    I feel got.

  7.  #7April Rose on June 26, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    I just re-read your comment, Indigo. I feel uplifted by the clarity and insight you share.

    I also feel strangely sorrowful, for as you wrote
    “Do they love and care for you in the way that you need?” I realise the question in my current case is “Do they love and care for you at all?”

  8.  #8April Rose on June 26, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    I have no idea how I got to where I am in my love life.

    I do see that my self-esteem has steadily declined.

  9.  #9Sophie on June 26, 2014 at 3:27 pm

    yes it’s nice to read this cos the next post is all about what men need to feel turned on and i was thinking what about what I need to feel turned on – and you ladies have nailed it x April Rose I’m sorry to hear you sound so sad x Maybe that’s my projection x I feel sad utterly bereft and trapped in a situation that has seen my self confidence decline too and my overall levels of happiness just get lower and lower x I cry most of the time and the rest of the time I’m just soldiering on trying to not get dragged down any lower x trying to see the way forward x and make that way the actual way x I feel like I am the one in the cage 🙁 and I want to fly…

  10.  #10April Rose on June 26, 2014 at 3:30 pm


    Our situations may drag us down, but our own hearts…well… they are sparkling and priceless like a million dollar diamond. When does yours shine best?

  11.  #11Sophie on June 26, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    ahhhh it shone a little brighter just reading that 🙂

    it shines when i read a good book by the open window with the summer rain outside
    it shines when i dance to the music only i can hear
    it shines when i make my best friend’s four year old giggle with tickles
    it shines when i imagine all the things i’d like for myself
    it shines when i feel the love and appreciation for my beingness from my friends
    it shines when i have a bag and i’m on route to an airport away from here
    it shines when i bathe then cover myself with coconut oil
    it shines when i create something I’m proud of
    it shines when i’m managing, my money, my life, my way
    it shines when i feel girly and floaty and feminine
    it shines with laughter with others with fun and games and playing
    it shines with a starry sky
    it shines with bird song and well-cooked food
    it shines with hugs that keep me connected
    it shines with sparkly nail polish and shoes
    it shines with the sun

    when does yours shine best? 🙂

  12.  #12Sophie on June 26, 2014 at 3:46 pm

    and it expands with the sea
    it expands with deep conversation secrets of the soul
    it expands with moments of stillness – eye contact
    it expands with adventure, conversation, unity with strangers
    it expands dancing with a crowd
    it expands with good deep sleep
    it expands with finding the right words
    it expands
    it deepens
    it refuses to stay small

  13.  #13Sophie on June 26, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    (((April Rose))) I have to try and sleep but thank you from the bottom of my deep deep heart x I feel a little lighter 🙂 xxx

  14.  #14April Rose on June 26, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    Wow, Sophie

    What beautiful sparkling images you conjured up in my mind and heart.
    I may borrow some of your lovely activities and try them on myself.

    My heart shines best when I am engaged in a playful activity and connecting with happy people.
    It shines when I am cycling somewhere new.
    And when I feel loved and cherished.
    My heart shines when I feel involved in a group of people growing and expressing themselves.

    It shines when appreciating something humorous.
    It shines when I see a puppy!

    It feels a little dull just now.
    I know I can polish it up and make it sparkle for the world tomorrow.

  15.  #15Sophie on June 26, 2014 at 11:58 pm

    I hope you find some shiny things today xx

  16.  #16RhymeandReason on June 27, 2014 at 12:12 am

    On sexy vs good…I’m seeing a man who is crazy about me. He’s very attentive, and very a model. He’s very kind and we can and do talk about anything and everything. Completely compatible. He’s attracted to me sexually and it feels like he’s pushing me for a commitment. But I’m not attracted to him sexually. : ( I like him very much, but he feels like a friend or a brother to me and I don’t want to hurt him because I care for him very much. I would like to fall in love with him and feel that hunger for him. I think I messed up in sharing so much with’s like this is too easy. The other man I’m seeing is a very kind, not attractive according to the standards of many women. He’s generous, talented, smart, attentive in a different way and even a little aloof sometimes BUT there is extreme attraction between us both. We both love each other. He responds beautifully to my feelings and he’s a leader. He is everything I’d like in a partner only a different style of communicating.He’s not so available least not any time soon. He’s in a different country and we only see each other every couple of months but he says he’d like to marry me. This is something I would agree to. I qualifies as imaginary I suppose. I don’t want to hurt him either and I feel very attached. I tried to break it off but the grief was unbearable for both of us. I’m so confused now. There’s a third man too who is local, but I’m holding back because I think my love life is complicated enough right now and he’s got more baggage than I think I can deal with. I don’t know what to do. All of these men are good, nice men and not bad boys. I prefer nice men but I do want attraction. How do I build my attraction? I’m just afraid of it all, I guess. By the way, I love the way you siren ladies write. Thank you so much for sharing and for letting me vent a little.

  17.  #17Indigo on June 27, 2014 at 1:52 am

    April Rose 7,

    ((((April Rose))))

    I urge you to consider, or reconsider, the following questions:

    1. What do I need from a relationship? (Really consider this from every angle… need vs. nice-to-have)

    2. What happiness/benefit/pay-off am I getting from remaining where I am?

    I know you’ve said you are afraid of being stifled and suffocated, and I believe this is valid… I am the same. It led me to a very unconventional choice of man, which then led me to the harder question – can I accept him just as he is? Can I create or nurture the intimacy I desire?

    Forgive me for being so bold, but I think this may be about your fear of intimacy. And if we let this fear run us, without putting it in its proper place, our self-esteem will get dragged down.

    In my own case, I really had to look at what I wanted/needed square in the face, and take responsibility for my choices.

    Whatever you choose, believe that it is ok, and that you are beautiful, loved and enough. x

  18.  #18April Rose on June 27, 2014 at 4:57 am

    Thanks Indigo,

    I will have a go at answering those questions right this minute.

    What do I need, from a relationship?

    At this moment in time, the urgency (and I know urgency is not the right place to be coming from) is an overwhelming longing for some closeness – emotional and physical. I have no-one who I can touch. Not even a pet.

    I need to feel understood, got.

    I need my feelings to be acknowledged. So that I can relax, knowing the other person can say “Yes, I can see how you feel and why you would feel that way”.

    I need a partner who is willing to give first, so I can give back.

    I need to be with my complement, my opposite. Not with a feminine energy person with whom I’m ‘competing’ for the same role.

  19.  #19April Rose on June 27, 2014 at 5:03 am

    I feel so drained of juice, having spent all these years with a feminine energy partner.

    At first I had the oars and didn’t mind rowing.

    When I put them down, they didn’t get picked up.

    I spent years practicing Rori’s tools, giving him every chance to step into his masculine and pick up those oars.

    I feel sad and defeated.

    Part of me deep down has a spark of excitement that one day I could have what I want, with someone else.

    But mostly my confidence is in bits.

  20.  #20Indigo on June 27, 2014 at 5:11 am

    April Rose,

    ((hug)) I can imagine how difficult it must be not to be able to touch your man, if that is really the way it is?

    What about the second question, why are you still there?

  21.  #21April Rose on June 27, 2014 at 5:28 am


    I went away in May for three weeks, then briefly saw him for five days at the beginning of June, then he went away for work, and is still away.
    When I don’t initiate I get a text every four to five days. There is no personal content in it.

    The second question is about the payoff.
    When I get so sad and frightened (like today) that part of me is desperate even for a crumb. Any kind of warmth. There is a familiarity in this place of sorrow and defeat. And there is safety in the familiarity. But there is not much fun. I can say I prefer to be feeling full and vibrant, because I remember the feeling.

  22.  #22April Rose on June 27, 2014 at 5:46 am

    Another benefit/payoff could be this one; that I am steadily burning all my bridges.

    It’s like an unstoppable descent into a place of seperation from all the people and things I have been connected with over the years.

    I feel a call in my soul to renew everything, and renew myself. It feels like an underground aspect/force which is creating a crisis so that transformation can take place.

    I want to leave behind my old, small, dysfunctional life.

    And begin again with joyous vibrancy and momentum.

  23.  #23Indigo on June 27, 2014 at 6:23 am

    April Rose,

    I don’t want to push, but I really believe there is something more.

    Why do you feel you have to wait and beg and be desperate for warmth? Why would you consign yourself to a life without touch, without being able to express your feelings, when, as you say, you have all your feminine faculties?

    I don’t believe the solution lies in him… I believe it lies in how you see yourself, in what you have resigned yourself to.


  24.  #24Azure Blu on June 27, 2014 at 6:23 am

    sophie #9
    I feel sad reading that you cry almost allll the time!!!
    What is making YOU sooo sad?

  25.  #25Kyla on June 27, 2014 at 7:06 am

    April Rose 22 thats exactly where I’ve been coming from and the transformation was worth it. It got worse before it got better as every area went through changes not just the ones I needed to change. It was uncomfortable but once I started coming through the otherside I realised it hadnt been too bad, what I was losing really wasn’t that great and what I’m gaining is better than I dreamed possible. All those questions Indigo has put to you are amazing for helping you clarify what you want from this transformation xoxoxo

  26.  #26Kyla on June 27, 2014 at 7:09 am


    I’ve been keeping you in my thoughts xoxoxo

  27.  #27Sophie on June 27, 2014 at 8:19 am

    Thank you Kyla – Ilove all your stories and the great work you’ve done on you…I am listening I promise 🙂 even when I don’t comment..

    Azure Blu – Having B live in my house makes me utterly miserable – he moved in last year when he lost his job and it was an immediate disaster – he stationed himself in the spare room rather than living with me as I would want a boyfriend to and is moody, withdrawn, unemployed and making my life ten million times more difficult – I am not in a relationship with him and have been trying to get him to leave since january – he just doesn’t go 🙁 I was hoping with the court case he’d have the money to go but the court case is postponed – he has other options without money he just isn’t doing them – I have told him he has to go again first he fought me calling me a bully etc then he said he agreed and he would do something…no signs…he has to get himself on a waiting list with the authority…he hasn’t left the house to do anything since he agreed…it may come down to having to get the police…this has always been the other option but I’ve always been too afraid of the fall out…my parents are beginning to offer their services now I think they’re willing to come up and help me if he keeps doing this…I was afraid of humiliating and shaming him but he’s not really giving me much choice…I want my house back, my life back, my serenity back

  28.  #28prplpsn28 on June 27, 2014 at 8:26 am


  29.  #29Azure Blu on June 27, 2014 at 8:29 am

    Yesterday I had a lunch date with MN…
    his usual non energy (although he works out and runs) personality was even less energetic…
    I asked if he felt ok… he said “what are you talking about… I never get mad…”
    I don’t know what that meant??? It’s not for me to figure out….

    We had an ok time… I wanted to go to the last A&W in our area… still has waitresses that come to your car!! Root beer floats, hot dogs!! MY summer ritual…
    He’s just blahhhhh….
    He had asked me out to a nice restaurant and music tonight… I was dreading it…
    I called him this morning… he didn’t answer…
    so I just left a message…
    “I’m feeling sick and depressed about my finances…
    I think you’re a really nice guy… I’m just not feeling a connection…
    I know you will find a woman that is just right for you…
    I’d like to stay friends but I don’t want to date anymore. Please don’t call me… I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
    He has called and I let it go to voicemail…

    I thought about this a lot in the past month..
    I wanted to practice with this man, who has MANY of the qualities I am looking for.

    he just doesn’t inspire me…dunno, but being inspired is important to me.
    that he is a great and devoted father/grandfather is inspiring but It isn’t enough…

    He wants forever love…
    HE Adores me… In a low energy way????
    He’s honest
    Likes to make ME happy
    He wanted to be intimate but wasn’t disrespectful about it… (I wasn’t ready)
    He has morals and lives up to them…
    He stands up for what he believes in…
    He’s financially stable…
    He felt closed off to me… but when I would ask questions about his late wife or family he is always willing to share…
    But NOT playful or fun… no since of humor
    I think he was VERY shy.

    This is what Rori says:
    “the only important thing that matters is HOW WE FEEL ABOUT OURSELVES IN HIS PRESENCE.

    As soon as we start to focus on THAT, then we can allow ourselves to be curious about HIM.
    NOT about how HE feels about US,
    but about WHO he is, and how WE FEEL about him.

    AND the only thing that matters about how WE feel about him is — to repeat this one more time because it’s so important —
    how WE feel about ourselves when we are in HIS presence.

    It’s not whether or not we like him,

    This is what Connection is. If you feel he “gets” you — and so you feel really great about yourself, you feel gorgeous and attractive and fantastic and smart

    and happy (and happy is the most important word here)
    then you are feeling connected to him.”

    I do not feel happy when I’m with him…

    What I came up with is “I feel DRAINED when I am with him… When I talk to him on the phone…
    It felt like He was leaning on me…
    was he out girling me?

    I feel relieved…
    I want to take a break from dating…
    I want to take my masculine energy and
    get my finances in order!!
    I have the rest of the summer to hang out with friends and family!!! Yay me!!!

  30.  #30Kyla on June 27, 2014 at 8:32 am

    Purple its so good to see you!

    Sophie I hope you get your peace back soon. Please dont feel guilty for the fallout when you have tried all other avenues. You deserve to have your home back and it is beyond time for him to leave. He has other options, he’s choosing not to pursue them xoxoxo

  31.  #31Kyla on June 27, 2014 at 8:39 am

    ((((Azure Blu)))) That was beautiful. You are so right to follow your heart and your feelings. Can’t you just feel yourself getting closer and closer to having everything you want? I feel like you’ve just opened a very important door and something awesome is on the other side waiting for you. I feel so excited to hear what happens next for you xoxoxo

  32.  #32Azure Blu on June 27, 2014 at 8:53 am

    Ohhh… I feel calm, soft, summer breezy reading your message to me…

    And Excitement Like the 4th of July Fireworks!!!

    Yes… I do feel I am getting closer and closer to having everything I want..
    I AM open to receiving MORE love and money than I ever thought possible!!

  33.  #33Indigo on June 27, 2014 at 9:52 am

    ((((Azure Blu))))

  34.  #34Indigo on June 27, 2014 at 9:53 am


    How frightening for you. Or at least it would be for me.

    Have you thought about getting super firm – giving him say 4 or 5 days to get his things out and find alternative accommodation, and then change the locks?

  35.  #35Azure Blu on June 27, 2014 at 10:00 am

    Indigo #34
    Interesting… I was thinking that myself…
    If it was me… and I have done this…
    box up his stuff (or not) and
    change those locks…

    Sophie… why do you think you deserve to be ignored and disrespected like this?

  36.  #36Veronica on June 27, 2014 at 10:36 am

    Azure Blu – Wow that felt powerful to read you honouring your feelings like that.

  37.  #37Veronica on June 27, 2014 at 10:38 am


  38.  #38Azure Blu on June 27, 2014 at 10:52 am

    thank you for those lovely words of encouragement…
    That means soooo much to me!!

  39.  #39Liquid Light on June 27, 2014 at 11:05 am

    The moving co that I’m using just dropped off a bunch of great moving boxes! I’ve been starting to pack and now that I have the boxes, I feel like I have a handle on the move and its not so overwhelming. I think it will all come together…hoorah! Feeling so much better about moving (still sucks doing it on my own, AGAIN) but I’m not down in the dumps about it like I was. And I can’t wait to be in my new place! Woohooo!

  40.  #40Liquid Light on June 27, 2014 at 11:07 am

    Azure, it seems like you are really honoring your feelings. Good for you for having the courage to be honest with yourself and with MN. It’s not easy. Hang in there girl! I feel 100% confident that you will find someone who is a good match for you soon!

  41.  #41Labbit on June 27, 2014 at 11:26 am

    Kyla 2 – I feel like a Siren reading this! It’s reassuring to read that I’m not the only one whose fallen for a bad boy…I feel silly saying that but that’s how it feels sometimes. And how you’e put it is wonderful, it just makes sense. You are firing on all cylinders right now.

    R&R 16 – Why do you feel like you messed up by sharing with the first man you speak of? I can relate to your story, I find it so easy to be open and myself with a man I’m not sexually attracted to. But if that chemistry is there I feel less natural, almost like I have to suppress myself along with my natural mating instincts. 😉 Sometimes I confuse sexual attraction with real attraction. I like what Rori has been saying lately…love is something that takes time and grows. Chemistry is immediate and can fade. Give yourself lots of love and kindness and don’t think about your libido with him — just keep yourself curious and see where it goes!

    For the second guy, with a man who is far away it’s easy to create all sorts of fantasies about him, thereby making him more attractive! I was with a guy for about two years and he was away for 2 or 3 months at a time. During those trips I made up all sorts of wonderful stories about how romantic he was, what he’d do for me (and, ahem, to me) when he got home, all sorts of stuff. His trips home were short so passion would carry us through, and then he’d leave again and I’d be alone with my fantasies.

    April Rose 22 — I wonder if you are afraid of being seen as a “bad person,” even to yourself? Do you think that a woman who ends a relationship is a bad person (as opposed to a woman who is broken up with)? I think the way you are isolating yourself is a clue. If you’re pushing people who love you away even outside of your relationship, then even if you do end your relationship you’d be alone, and then that can prove your story that it was wrong to break up with him and you’re a “bad person” because your friends aren’t there for you…but I don’t think you’re a bad person at all! I agree with Indigo that love for yourself is where this all starts. You are brave. You’re willing to look and see what isn’t working for you. That’s brave! You may feel like you’re on a cliff right now with no bridge to catch you. But what if you step off that cliff and discover there’s a soft, grassy knoll just below ready to catch you — one you couldn’t see under that scary looking cliff you’re standing on? Wouldn’t you laugh and wonder why it took you so long to walk off, if you landed softly and safely in a field of warm, loving embrace from within and the outside world?

  42.  #42Labbit on June 27, 2014 at 11:30 am

    Sophie 27 — Wow, you really have no safe place right now! I hope you are able to get your home back soon, having someone there who isn’t welcome seems very rough on both of you. I agree with Kyla that there’s no reason to feel guilty for wanting him out.

    Azure Blu 29 — Oh you sexy Siren! I feel inspired by how true to yourself you were and how you listened to your heart and your feelings. Much love!!

  43.  #43Azure Blu on June 27, 2014 at 11:31 am

    I feel smiley and happy reading your encouraging words!!
    Thank you!!!

    Sooo glad YOU are feeling excitement about your move to a NEW apt!!! I know how overwhelming it can be… especially doing it alone!!

    I see doors opening (pun intended) and bright light shining through for you!! :~}

  44.  #44Liquid Light on June 27, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    Azure, thank you so much! That is so amazing you wrote that because I held out for a south facing unit just because I wanted a lot of light! 🙂

  45.  #45Liquid Light on June 27, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    Wow, sure gotta kiss a lot of frogs! I just blocked someone online because he was gross and slimy. Its beyond me why men feel like they can get by with this stuff!! I can’t imagine any woman falling for that crap!!! Yuck!!!

  46.  #46Azure Blu on June 27, 2014 at 12:45 pm


  47.  #47April Rose on June 27, 2014 at 2:24 pm


    a soft grassy knoll sounds lovely and welcoming. Yes, I’d like to step onto that 🙂

  48.  #48prplpsn28 on June 27, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    Thank you Kyla 🙂

  49.  #49Sophie on June 27, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    Indigo -I do feel frightened and other lovelies I do want him gone and I do know I deserve better than this – I feel very confused I generally feel very afraid of just kicking him out and not knowing what he would do- I don’t know why I can’t be more ruthless to save myself- I feel weak – there is a horrible dynamic where he digs his heels in and is unpleasant when I give him notice and I then have momentum to get him gone but then he’ll win me round with something and I’ll be so pleased that the atmosphere is no longer aggressive and tense that I don’t enforce it and he does nothing, or I feel utterly powerless cos he’ll just rip up the notice i give him and put it in the bin or then he gets me on the back foot and tells me he agrees and he doesn’t want to cause me anymore pain and he’ll do what he needs to do to go …and we get along as friends and then he doesn’t go…

    It’s very manipulative isn’t it? And quite emotionally abusive really – I think that’s why I’m feeling so confused yes, powerless yes and tangled up in knots.

    I am afraid for myself if I just change the locks what he would do…I don’t know where his breaking point is…I’m also afraid of triggering him with shame or humiliation I’ve had male friends who’ve offered to come and talk to him but I think it would just make things unbearable – Basically I am afraid of him yep that’s why I feel like a bird in a cage…I don’t feel brave i feel stuck and it takes all my energy away from wanting to go out and about – flirt with men etc – which is probably also how he wants it…

    It will end though – this will end this WILL end

  50.  #50Sophie on June 27, 2014 at 4:06 pm

    And then I’m out of here! it’s not all doom and gloom – house is getting rented by an agent and I fully intend to be in the mediterranean for the winter…just need him to stop exhausting all my resources so that I can boost up my plans xxx then I’m back to Rori Boot camp xxx

  51.  #51Indigo on June 28, 2014 at 4:10 am


    There WILL be a light at the end of this tunnel. I fully believe that a solution will present itself in time.


  52.  #52RhymeandReason on June 30, 2014 at 8:24 am

    Labbit @ 41 You do understand. Thank you. Maybe..hopefully, attraction will grow with this one who I’ll call my jock. He’s closer..only by a few hours away. Because he’s so easy to talk to I feel like we are too equal..too much of a’s like there’s no masculine or feminine role. Is this even possible??? This is why I feel like friends. I’ll do like you suggested and just stay open and let the Universe unfold before me. I’m just so worried about hurting..hurting them and hurting me. We put all these feelings into everything and we’re supposed to just flippantly turn two out of the three away after creating an emotional bond with them. It just doesn’t seem fair at all. I feel so confused.

  53.  #53Kelley on July 12, 2014 at 9:33 am

    I need some advice!
    I started dating a wonderful man, divorced for 2-3 yrs with 3 kids and I have one child. We had unbelievable chemistry and passion. It was almost 3 months until I received a text from him, the next day after having amazing sex. Now mind you I had met his kids, parents, brother and some cousins and friends. the week before he introduced me to his friends as his girlfriend, so thought everything was going well. Was falling for him.. thought he was the one. So the text stated, that he had too much going on, work, kids and us. He said the last thing I want to do is hurt you (well you did asshole) , I was a fun beautiful woman and he felt like we are at 2 different places. Our relationship has moved at light speed. HE said , not my fault but he felt a lot of pressure. ( I saw him at least twice a week, sometimes 1 or maybe a wknd with all the kids. He said I can’t give you want you want or need. Felt like he was taking on more in his life and not ready for that. he needed to step back and needed space. He was struggling withhis feelings, and didn’t want to hurt me. I have been so nice and we clearly have passion ( this is everything he wrote in a text. He says he cannot be in a relationship right now. He said there is nobody else, “trust me there isn’t”
    Again he says, maybe Iam broken, I don’t know.
    he says I know u are sad reading this and just know its not you. Sooo sorry.
    I am so hurt, pissed, sad and do not understand.
    I did not pressure him. We always had a great time together. And I finally felt like I did not pick a bad boy for a change. I do not get it! I can’t stop thinking about him. I was always available because when we had the chance to see each other I wanted to make it work, since kids are involved. My son loved him and his kids loved me. I will never understand.
    I feel used and he is such a coward.
    Did he get scared? Its been about 2 weeks now and nothing. I should just leave it alone and move on? But it is so hard when I cared for him more than anything. Anything encouraging, advice would help What I did wrong or is it him?
    I am a beautiful woman inside and out and I am a giver. LOST!!

  54.  #54Kelley on July 12, 2014 at 9:35 am

    Thank You!!

  55.  #55Rori Raye on July 15, 2014 at 10:19 pm

    Kelly – Welcome – and what you’ll learn here will illuminate what happened. Your “giver-ness” keeps a man around who “shouldn’t” be around – and your “available-ness” never, ever works, even by classic “play-hard-to-get” standards that we don’t use here. Learn how to Circular Date, get my new Siren Mom program – and you’ll get this handled in a flash. Love, Rori

  56.  #56Annika on July 21, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    Well, I probably need the siren program too! I have been with my current boyfriend for 7 years!! After the first 2 years I broke up with him as he didn’t know what he wanted. Then 2 years went by I started listening to Rori and ran into him again, he jumped on board again and I said “listen I am not up for the I don’t know what I want speach again so if you don’t know back off”. He assured me that he was more ready needed a couple of years to get debts paid etc., so now he is supposed to move in. His job close to where he lives (he is a General Contractor) has been extended so instead of movnig into my house in May it got pushed out….then I started pushing. My anxiety came out in full force! He said I was pressuring him and broke up with me. We worked it out, I have stepped back and he is slowely coming forward. Sooo slowely. Wow, anyway supposed to be in in Sept. I feel urgency and anxiety…what if he changes his mind or never marries me…then I act in ways that don’t work..advice anyone?

  57.  #57Annika on July 21, 2014 at 1:57 pm

    So you know me better, I do have a tendancy to pressure. Give ultimatuims, up and leave and then beg them back. I married a man who would do what I said and I knew wouldn’t leave but he was a thug I was the man and woman in the relationship…yuck. I want to be able to be the girl. I am not looking for kids mine are 20 and 16. But I want him to move in and be with me and my son during his last years. They get along, altho my boyfriend says that he is not a kid person…my son gets a pass as he loves me. then I say things like “if you are not a kid person – don’t move in”. Or if you don’t know if you want to marry “better not move in”. I want nothing more than to be married and loving but I get scared and usually breakup or act in ways that they do. This is getting old…as I am getting old – lol. Does anyone relate?

  58.  #58Indigo on July 23, 2014 at 1:24 pm


    I feel confused – you said you were together for 2 years, and then were broken up for 2 years, and reconnected, but have been together for 7 years? Has it been this limbo for 7 years, or have there been breaks in-between? Sorry I’m trying to get a sense of the timeline, as I believe this makes a difference. If you keep breaking up, it is no wonder the relationship doesn’t have any momentum forward.