Great Ted Speech On Sex

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cartoondanceThis is such a great speech by Esther Perel – I just bought her book.

At first glance, you think she’s going to talk about “games and strategies” to create mystery and distance in a relationship, and tell us all not to be close, intimate, friendly or cuddly with our men….and then, as you read, you get that she’s talking about Circular Dating and raw, open, truth-telling, agenda-less, personal emotional exposure and vulnerability.

This speech is just the ‘Why” of her ideas:

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1lilybelly on March 5, 2013 at 10:33 am

    Good Morning.

  2.  #2Femininewoman on March 5, 2013 at 10:52 am


  3.  #3BeLoved on March 5, 2013 at 11:30 am

    I’m feeling bewildered at how it’s possible for a man to have NO female friends?
    I’m thinking and thinking and thinking and I don’t really personally know a man who has no female friends.
    Oh, probably my brothers-in-law.
    I see – it’s a lifestyle thing.
    I’ve always been attracted to a tribal community style of living.
    My sisters are suburban nuclear family types.
    They’d go batsh*t nuts trying to live the way I live, and vice versa.
    Interesting to notice.

  4.  #4Emoticon on March 5, 2013 at 11:36 am


  5.  #5BeLoved on March 5, 2013 at 11:40 am

    The universe is totally wanting me to watch this video…it’s been passed on to me, talked about to me, and has been up on my computer screen for days …
    I hear you! I get it! I’ll watch it tonight!!

  6.  #6CurvySiren10 on March 5, 2013 at 11:43 am

    Hi lillybelly!!! How are you?

  7.  #7Elsie on March 5, 2013 at 11:44 am

    @Dominique in the other thread – you are absolutely right – I am choosing to feel this way.

    Christian Carter put it really well when he said – that no one does anything TO YOU, you do it to yourself. Its your CHOICE to give emotional meaning and significance to anothers actions and its your choice how to RESPOND.

    I want to be healthy emotionally. I cant fake that I have to actually BE that if I really really want it.

    So here you go Dominique – I did it.

    I really did.

    I talked to him for about an hour and a half today – totally warm, and open and had funny laughter. He didnt mention the anniversary – I KNOW he has forgotten. I know it.

    I went to an outing at lunch – it was so fun.

    Then, I came back and he asked how it went and we chatted and I had to show him something so he asked for me to come over to where his office is – and so I did – and we laughed again, it was so fun…..and then when he got up he put his hand on my back.

    I dont think this is a relationship in the sense that he has not talked with me about our future – but I know that its not imaginary.

    So here we go. How AWESOME am I going to look and feel when this is all over and at some point I’m going to say to him, you know…..our anniversary was xxx months ago, and it felt sad that we were in a place where we couldnt or didnt openly celebrate the fact that its amazing that we are together. I am really looking forward to being able to do that with you in the future.

    I become “cool girl” not just in words, but in reality because I lived it. And I really was ok ….REALLY was ok – now Im not saying I’m 100% …..I’m just saying I’m a lot better than I thought I would be today 🙂

  8.  #8Elsie on March 5, 2013 at 11:58 am

    Also I will add – you can have emotion and NOT act upon them. My mother was horrible with that – and also thought anyone who didnt do what she wanted when she wanted deserved to be punished somehow. I grew up with that.

    anyway – the point is that you can choose how to perceive and react to things, and your emotion is not necessarily reality – because someone else would handle your same situation totally differently – which proves that your emotions are not reality.

    But they FEEL real – and so because they do – you need to take a moment and step back, and not act on them.

    Lots of internal work being done today over here 🙂

  9.  #9Elsie on March 5, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    There is a fable in there about a man whose horse ran away, and the villagers were like – oh thats horrible, and he said “how do you know?” and the horse ended up running away but bringing back a ton more horses with him. The villagers said “This is wonderful you have so many horses now!” and he just said “how do you know?” It turns out the horses were wild, and when his son got on one he fell off and broke his leg. The villagers said “This is horrible!” and he again said “how do you know?” and it turns out the next day they were looking and recruiting for the army, and his son couldnt go because of his leg… really when something is happening….”how do you know”

    And as I just read – as Oscar Wilde said – there are only two tragedies in life “One is not getting what you want, and the other is getting it.”

  10.  #10Dominique on March 5, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    Elsie – 7 & 8 – I feel SO proud of you. 🙂 Awesome.

    Sending love.


  11.  #11Elsie on March 5, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    Dominique – well, dont feel too proud…LOL.

    Some of this is faking it until I make it kind of stuff LOL

    But I’m at least trying….and before, I wasnt even TRYING to change.

    We’ll see….

    There is still a part of me that so badly wants to tell him, but then it would just make him feel bad – whats the point of that? I definitely wouldnt get what I want after that…..

  12.  #12Dominique on March 5, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    Elsie – I still feel very proud. This isn’t easy stuff. Been there sweetheart. I remember it well.


  13.  #13Emerson on March 5, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    Hi lillybelly

  14.  #14Radiant Rising on March 5, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    Absolutely *LOVE* Esther Perel.

  15.  #15Emerson on March 5, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    From Convo on last thread
    If a man has female friend(s) and wants to mice us to a relationship status,. i have to give the no girlfriend speech and also tell him the females he is close to makes me uneasy….
    I feel terrified and incapable 🙁

  16.  #16Emerson on March 5, 2013 at 1:17 pm

    Elsie I am really enjoying what you’re writing … Thank you for sharing its awesome!!

  17.  #17Emerson on March 5, 2013 at 1:19 pm

    15 *Wants to move us not mice us lol

  18.  #18Elsie on March 5, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    @Emerson – thanks for saying that – I appreciate it – Definitely reading Rori Raye and Christian Carter has helped a LOT – plus the Queens Code has been the most awesome ever too – those three along wiht Dominique have gotten me to a better place…

    ….but I still slip…..its just I’m moving forward at least.

    I just keep thinking about how awesome I will feel a few months or days from now whenever it comes up and I didnt act on my hysterical emotions that were screaming inside of me that it was our anniversary….and that I handled it well…..

  19.  #19Turquoise on March 5, 2013 at 1:41 pm

    Wow, that’s a lot to digest. All I’ve heard before, but the way she speaks, so directly… hard not to really listen and look at myself.

    I want desire and love.

  20.  #20kdr on March 5, 2013 at 1:53 pm

    Brilliant speech. Love this woman; she speaks the truth. Off to search for her book. Holy cow, was that good.

  21.  #21Mercedes on March 5, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    “All a girl really wants is for one guy to prove to her that they are not all the same.” – Marilyn Monroe.

    I like it… 🙂

    Much Love,

  22.  #22Emerson on March 5, 2013 at 3:03 pm

    21 hi Mercedes
    I like that !! 🙂

  23.  #23Tam on March 5, 2013 at 4:32 pm

    Hey Ladies..I am rushing around like the proverbial blue arsed fly these days (the Brits will know that ha),
    just checking in. Life is good right now.
    Curly is annoying me a little but he is only being himself ((((Curly))). His friends organised a party for him at a hang out joint, on the day he gets back from burying his father and he is all excited about it.
    First he was excited about seeing me…he asked me to go to the party but I don’t feel coming from my second job when I could not even shower and have been up and working since 6am….everybode dressed up..nah.
    MrP is so super cute all of a sudden. He has been emailing me and saying that if I am not available to meet, he will just gaze at my pictures in perpetuity.
    OMG. He never said anything like this ever.
    I felt quite shocked.
    To my question whether he was happier alone and not in a relationship he answered that he wants someone who gets his humour, otherwise sex is just sex and that gets boring..
    So he doesn’t want to be alone forever I guess.
    All very interesting.
    On his holiday he fell out with one of our friends and left early to go to another place. That’s him. I knew he would, he falls out with people due to his issues all the time. Family, friends, women.
    I feel for him but I also feel annoyed that he always thinks the other have the problem and never actually sees that it’s not ‘always the others’.
    This is exactly how I used to think until I realised it was being judgmental and actually a pride and protective thing. I try so hard now to be authentic and not fall out with people, rather tell them how I feel.
    My friend, who ran away after I told her of my boundaries, actually came back to me and we made peace. So it works.
    I am rambling madly now but I do feel that all this is connected somehow..or maybe I am just mad 🙂

  24.  #24Elsie on March 5, 2013 at 6:22 pm

    Ok – who is ready for an update that will FREAK you out! 🙂

    So…..we talked all day – he had SUCH a hard day – he met with people regarding his situation, anyway – such a stressful day for him, and I was there for him.

    All day long, I didnt mention anything and was so proud of myself.

    At the end of the day I grabbed my coat and went over to his office as we were going to walk out together. He grabbed me and hugged me and said how much it meant that I was in his life.

    If you had asked me one minute before I would have said I would have not said anything about the anniversary – I had gone all day without saying anything…..but something shifted…..

    And I put my hand on my heart – and I spoke my feelings WITHOUT ANY KIND OF EXPECTATION … WITHOUT ANY KIND OF HOPE OF WHAT TO GET BACK….

    I just said, I feel nervous to say something to you. He asked me to say it….so….I said….its our anniversary today and smiled. 🙂 And I meant it – I was so happy. It didnt matter in that moment that he hadnt gotten me anything….I was truly happy.

    He must have felt my vibe. He started crying. He said he was so sorry, and I said no no o no no!!!!! I’m not upset in the LEAST – I just wanted to honor this day with you in this moment. And thats it. And he was like, oh no….. oh no….. it meant so much to you and I forgot …. and I smiled and said from the depth of my heart – the true true depth of my heart I said…

    no….the other 364 days were what mattered….not today….I am just honoring that it has been a year….I dont need anything, and you are in such a tumultuous place right now in your life, its not the time to celebrate, I just wanted to honor it with you.

    And he just looked at me….bewildered. That he wasnt in trouble. And then he grabbed me and kissed me and told me he loved me and that it felt so good to have me in his life…..

    wait….it gets better… we were holding hands and I laughed and said, hey wouldnt it funny if we walked out of the office like this? and he said…..and looked at me……you know I cant wait until we can do that….I will love that. Oh…..oh….I MELTED.

    Then we walked out and at the elevator he gave me this look like…..forget the consequences….and grabbed my hand, and held it. In public at our WORK. No one saw us but anyone COULD have seen us….

    ….and THAT was the best present I could have EVER gotten. And the he said to me…..”this just feels right.”

    Best. Present. Ever.

    I said what was in my heart with no expectations….

    Dominique – thank you. Thank you Rori. Thank you.

  25.  #25Memulo on March 5, 2013 at 6:43 pm

    Wow Elsie, this is wonderful!!!

  26.  #26Memulo on March 5, 2013 at 6:57 pm

    My CD is coming on Thursday to ‘have a talk’ with me. So I will get to hear that he treats me for dinners a lot and doesn’t get anything back.

  27.  #27Dominique on March 5, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    Elsie – Look at the amazing gifts you received, and they didn’t look at thing like you thought you wanted… Oh wow. I feel SO happy for you.


  28.  #28Elsie on March 5, 2013 at 7:06 pm

    @Dominique – Yes. Absolutely 100%. I thought I wanted flowers. Or dinner. Or a gift.

    What I got was a million times better. I got love. Pure and simple. And reassurance of that love. And his heart.

    What more could you ask for on an anniversary? Whats the POINT of an anniversary if its not about that? Keep the flowers. I’ll take this any day. 🙂

    I would HAVE NEVER been here without you Dominique – and Rori, and Christian Carter, and the Queens Code. All of it.

    I am SO glad for what I’ve learned. Otherwise I would have done what I’ve always done – flown off the handle – out of control with my emotions – and I would have gotten what I always got – a horrible ending.

    But not tonight. Tonight I got a perfect ending. 🙂

    So, at least for today, I am so incredibly happy. I’ll just not worry about yesterday or tomorrow, but just marinate in the happiness I have right now. 🙂

  29.  #29Femininewoman on March 5, 2013 at 7:08 pm

    Elsie my heart feels warm, reading your story. You are a fast learner

  30.  #30Memulo on March 5, 2013 at 7:16 pm

    Elsie, one thing I thought reading your post today – you felt like a ‘cool’ girl. Me too, I was a cool girl for the longest time and even he told me I was extra cool, and I was – in my best possible way. All it did was to help me maintain my self-respect.. which is a lot, but otherwise ‘cool’ is overrated.

  31.  #31Memulo on March 5, 2013 at 7:17 pm

    Sirens don’t you see that it happened not because of the way Elsie behaved.. but because he loves her anyway?

  32.  #32Femininewoman on March 5, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    Memulobyou don’t know that. Each person needs a different combination of things to feel attraction and to feel inspired. Elsie is finding the right combination of things to dial him to his love channel. That is what is important.

  33.  #33joan T on March 5, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    I can not get the last day with out of my mind, Will I
    asked him two time to marry me, one around when his
    mom died in 1999, and just on 10/11/12. That why I
    went to the Church, When we were sitting there, he
    told me someone told him to start listening, and someone told me to wait and listen. I let him do all
    the talking, he would not stop talk, he would be right
    by me real close, saying MARRY, and at less I TRIED.
    I think he was trying to make himself feel better.
    He was talking to himself saying: Did I do the right thing, he was so confused. And it got to be GOD WILL, And he said, We are not going down the same
    road. I wish I could get him see we are going down
    same. HELP!!!!! Thank Joan T

  34.  #34Elsie on March 5, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    @Memulo – he does love me. But love is often not enough to carry a relationship. I think the way that you handle your emotions – I am learning this – is important. If you feel upset and just start yelling and screaming…someone who loves you will at some point stop loving you because they don’t want to be around such volatility and insanity.

    So, yes, he does love me. But if I acted crazy from the beginning of the day instead of calmly taking a breath or two and waiting and being patient, and even accepting that I was probably not even going to bring it up today, and when I did I had NO EXPECTATIONS from him, then I think it gives him the space to love me, instead of a defensive posture to fight against me.

    Its not just about being a “cool” girl – its about really living how you feel, and then whatever happens happens. Its not pretending to play a part – its doing what is authentic to you and then if they like that they stay – and if they don’t – they leave and you find someone else….

    …at least that’s my take on it.

  35.  #35Elsie on March 5, 2013 at 7:38 pm

    @Feminine Woman – I am the slowest learner ever! LOL – I can guarantee that at some point soon you will be talking me off of the proverbial ledge of emotional volatility haha!!!! Two steps forward but always a few back in this game. Its a process…..whew. I need to wipe the sweat from my brow – I worked a lot on myself emotionally today. 🙂 Dang this is hard work!!!!!

  36.  #36Memulo on March 5, 2013 at 7:50 pm

    Yes, exactly my attitude – I am being the top level of myself and whatever happens. And then whatever does happen;)

    Elsie, I don’t know about screaming, I could never do that, I do have a good taste after all;) From my recent experience with my cd and his street madness I can say that my respect toward him is lowering. It was not easy to be on the receiving end of that scene.

  37.  #37Memulo on March 5, 2013 at 8:01 pm

    I accepted a date for Friday night. But my cd calls me every evening and asks what I am doing. What will I tell him??

  38.  #38Memulo on March 5, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    I like Oscar Wilde too, especially his plays.

  39.  #39k2012 on March 5, 2013 at 8:16 pm

    From previous thread. Dominique-”In answer to your question, words are simply words until there are actions to support them.” Amen. Thank u so much for reemphasizing that point Dominique. Trust me. That’s why I was puzzled. Cause I was saying how can he miss me if he is not interested. Maybe its the bantering he misses for true. When I read your response which also said that the comment indicates an interest in me, I said to myself that, that is not a serious interest though, it is a casual interest as if a man is serious about you, u will certainly know as his actions will DEFINITELY show. I have little feeling for Overseas cd and when he said he missed me, I certainly wasn’t going to respond that I missed him too. If he was to shock me and step up and show me that he is serious,my feelings would grow. But as it currently exists, his actions says it all. So when he said he misses me, I didn’t take it serious. It is the second time he saying that.

  40.  #40Memulo on March 5, 2013 at 8:17 pm

    I wonder what my next guy will be like.. but I know I am not ready to fall in love yet.

  41.  #41k2012 on March 5, 2013 at 8:19 pm

    I was wondering how it was so quiet on the previous thread until I saw a post that a new thread was up.

  42.  #42Memulo on March 5, 2013 at 8:25 pm

    It’s quiet here too;)

    You may want to be playful about his ‘miss you’ words. To tease him a bit.

  43.  #43k2012 on March 5, 2013 at 8:34 pm

    Elsie, I am so happy for u. You have come a long way. I have been following your story and I must agree that u got the best present ever. That’s wonderful.

  44.  #44Zara on March 5, 2013 at 8:50 pm

    Can men and women be just friends?

    *****Daily experience suggests that non-romantic friendships between males and females are not only possible, but common—men and women live, work, and play side-by-side, and generally seem to be able to avoid spontaneously sleeping together. However, the possibility remains that this apparently platonic coexistence is merely a façade, an elaborate dance covering up countless sexual impulses bubbling just beneath the surface.

    New research suggests that there may be some truth to this possibility—that we may think we’re capable of being “just friends” with members of the opposite sex, but the opportunity (or perceived opportunity) for “romance” is often lurking just around the corner, waiting to pounce at the most inopportune moment….

    …..bla bla
    ….. Bla bla

    … In a follow-up study, 249 adults (many of whom were married) were asked to list the positive and negative aspects of being friends with a specific member of the opposite sex. Variables related to romantic attraction (e.g., “our relationship could lead to romantic feelings”) were five times more likely to be listed as negative aspects of the friendship than as positive ones. However, the differences between men and women appeared here as well. Males were significantly more likely than females to list romantic attraction as a benefit of opposite-sex friendships, and this discrepancy increased as men aged—males on the younger end of the spectrum were four times more likely than females to report romantic attraction as a benefit of opposite-sex friendships, whereas those on the older end of the spectrum were ten times more likely to do the same.

    Taken together, these studies suggest that men and women have vastly different views of what it means to be “just friends”—and that these differing views have the potential to lead to trouble. Although women seem to be genuine in their belief that opposite-sex friendships are platonic, men seem unable to turn off their desire for something more. And even though both genders agree overall that attraction between platonic friends is more negative than positive, males are less likely than females to hold this view.

    So, can men and women be “just friends?” If we all thought like women, almost certainly. But if we all thought like men, we’d probably be facing a serious overpopulation crisis.*****


  45.  #45k2012 on March 5, 2013 at 8:50 pm

    By doing what Memulo? With regards to the female friends
    issue, disappearing ex had a lot of female friends when I was just a friend to him. In other words,when we were just good friends all these years when I knew him, he had losts of female friends. Years later when we reconnected and got involved, when he disappeared, I found out that the female friends he had were really his girlfriends as he was a player/womanizer. Remember the comment about “he is at one of his girlfriends house.” That could be interpreted in 2 ways-1. He is at one of his female’s friends houses and 2. He has many girlfriends and was at one of them houses.

  46.  #46Zara on March 5, 2013 at 8:54 pm

    “The truth about male friendship”

    ***** And so I sat down and wrote a letter detailing why our friendship was ending, how I wished it did not have to be this way and how I wished him well in his cash-drenched future. I sent the letter and assumed it was the end. It was never discussed or even referred to again, and our friendship continued as if nothing had ever changed. We were guys, after all.*****

    ***** “For men to really become best friends there has to be an element of adventure. “You have to set out to accomplish something and in the course of failing or succeeding you become friends.” *****

    ***** the previous six years were never mentioned. One of the glories of male friendship is that it is relatively low maintenance: no birthday cards, no Christmas cards, no get well soon cards; no apologies, no explanations and no formalities. But it meant we never talked it out, we never sought “closure” – we just pretended it had never happened. We met a few more times and what I realised was that the separation had been because our friendship had been holding us both back. Amolak and I had spent so much time complaining about our lives there was little time to do anything about it; the time we could have spent looking for love was spent in each other’s company. It wasn’t an accident that both of us found love during the hiatus of our friendship. It was only possible without the crutch of friendship. ****


  47.  #47Turquoise on March 5, 2013 at 9:34 pm

    Hi sirens. Tonight I spent about a half hour trying to untangle a bunch of necklaces. One was from an old boyfriend, one from his mom and another from my exhusband, looped in with several others. It was a real mess, but I spent a lot of time thinking about past relationships and how tangled feelings and emotions get. How hurt I was many times, and I let it go, wanted to make it work, forgave… Tonight I feel sort of angry with myself for staying in bad relationships, for putting up with bad behavior, and somehow convincing myself that they were the prize, maybe I deserved it..,. It’s embarrassing to look back on how I’ve let people treat me, for years and years. Mainly I’m mad at myself for taking scraps. Scraps of time, affection, respect and love, along with lies and excuses and disappearing men. Yuck.
    Sweetheart is being his sweet self. Saying how much hd wants to see me, how much I mean to him, etc. I don’t know what I want right now. I feel angry. Not at him. At myself.

    I saw Mr. Conversation yesterday. We didn’t talk or make eye contact. Were simply in the same place at the same time. It was brief, I was in a fairly serious conversation with someone else…. But besides feeling a little flip in my stomach, I just feel disappointed. To go from where we were, to nothing. I see a lot if mistakes I made, but it still boils down to him not wanting what I wanted, so not sure those mistakes matter. Maybe.

  48.  #48Turquoise on March 5, 2013 at 9:38 pm

    I don’t mean maybe I deserved bad treatment? I meant maybe I thought I did. I’m really tired, will check back in the morning. Good night sirens!

  49.  #49Violette on March 5, 2013 at 9:43 pm

    Wow, I feel totally furious. D just broke up with ME!! I’ve been so unhappy with the way he behaves around me, always acting hurt and offended, not telling me I look beautiful, not offering to pick me up from the airport and yet asking me to drive him, never taking any responsibility when I feel uncomfortable about something he says…and doing these digs, and snapping at me, like a girl! I’ve been triggered to the point I’ve been wanting to punch him in the face for a while now. But I haven’t broken it off because I feel bewildered by the strength of my reactions and because the sex was amazing, and then he blindsided me! I feel emotionally raped. He was so unwilling to care about my FEELINGS, EVER. It was always about his FEELINGS, and none of this Rori stuff even worked on him. He’s not a GUY.

    I just kept thinking there was maybe some formula I could unlock to create romance between us, that there was something I could do. But apparently, these super feminine men are just super feminine men. Apart from being as much in my feminine energy as I can, there is NOTHING ELSE I can do. I will recognize the signs much much faster in the future. If a guy caves around other masculine men, and doesn’t respond to my feminine wiles, and wants me to take the lead of things, (like D)then we are not compatible, and I will break up with him.

    I never want to feel this way again!

  50.  #50Vi on March 5, 2013 at 10:39 pm

    It turns out I never stopped to love myself, I just forgot about it for a while. I feel happy to remember again just how much I love me!

  51.  #51Daria on March 5, 2013 at 10:58 pm

    yay ! i texted Nanny CD i felt under pressure and didn’t feel the way I want to feel to continue further…

    and i did not answer Dev*il Man’s phone call tonite , as i did not feel good with his plan to have me go down on him again… and i feel so shaky and thrilled that im doing this experiment of not picking up the phone…

    i feel terrified im gonna ‘hurt him’ and i will feel sad and ignored, or that i will feel sad and hopey and lonely not hearing from him for awhile now

    i feel excited about my scripting practices expressing my (sexual) needs, and my new awareness and insistance on putting my sexual needs first

  52.  #52Heart on March 5, 2013 at 11:14 pm

    I feel so angry blog…gosh im fuming…
    So angry…!
    I feel So Angry…
    I hate his casualness…
    I hate the fact that he just acts like nothing happened….
    I want to tell him to go Phuck himself…

    When did i become such a crumbtaker?
    He can take his crumbs…
    Feed em the birds!

  53.  #53Heart on March 5, 2013 at 11:16 pm

    Congrats Elsie…he sounds like a loving guy.

  54.  #54Heart on March 5, 2013 at 11:22 pm

    He didnt even write me for Valentine’s day….

    I must really hate myself for even thinking about going out with him again…

  55.  #55Heart on March 5, 2013 at 11:33 pm

    I feel so sad under all the anger

    I feel so Not good enough…
    I feel unworthy of love…

  56.  #56Heart on March 5, 2013 at 11:39 pm

    Conversely….I feel Psyched about being able to feel & find my “not good enough” feeling…
    such an ocean!

    I don’t want to communicate with CudG because I will be dishonest…everything I write is all done with the desire to hurt him…or make him feel bad…
    Every when I feel peaceful & like I’m just expressing my feelings kind of way…
    deeper deeper down..I’m not…
    deeper deeper down….I want him to Feel Bad….and like Not Good enough…
    Deeper deeper down…I’m screaming…

  57.  #57Heart on March 5, 2013 at 11:40 pm

    omgosh my little girl is throwing a tantrum

  58.  #58Emerson on March 5, 2013 at 11:42 pm


    Elsie that’s great!

    Tam you sound awesome!

    I saw exoticCD today and we made out again which is nice but I felt a little disconnected. He mentioned that girl “friend” AGAIN!!!

  59.  #59Emerson on March 5, 2013 at 11:43 pm

    He freaking mentions her every time we talk or see each other …..

  60.  #60Emerson on March 5, 2013 at 11:44 pm

    Ugh. I am going to say something about it maybe. Maybe I will say hey you reference this woman every time we talk or see each other, she must mean a lot to you

  61.  #61Emerson on March 5, 2013 at 11:45 pm

    I feel turned off and over it.

  62.  #62Heart on March 5, 2013 at 11:56 pm


    why not just say -I feel jealous…
    that seem like the emotion ur really feeling but too ashamed to admit…
    eveyone feels jealous at times..

  63.  #63Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 1:27 am

    Hi Joan T

  64.  #64Elsie on March 6, 2013 at 1:59 am

    @Emerson – I think at some point you have to say something – its just gnawing away at you…..and its upsetting you – maybe you can tell him and then ask him how he can help you with this???? Would that go over well?

    @Violette -Yikes. I’m so sorry. That sounds extremely painful. But if this man is that feminine and you want to be the feminine energy it sounds like you are right on point and really understand why it didn’t work etc.

    @Heart ((((Heart)))) I’m so sorry. It sounds like you are going through a rough time. I think when we think that men are misbehaving that we want to punish them – its from our sense of hurt. We don’t feel like they would be so insensitive if they cared about us – and that if we were really worth something to them that they would care about us. It all comes back to how we feel about ourselves………just keep loving yourself – it will help

  65.  #65Memulo on March 6, 2013 at 4:29 am

    Heart he may not even think that you are ‘a couple’. He may want to see you because you’re leaving and he is losing you. Guys are like that. He may be curious.

  66.  #66Memulo on March 6, 2013 at 4:42 am

    I don’t want my cd to take me out for dinners and then tell me that I am ‘an extra mouth to feed’. But where does that leave me? Does it mean I will have to cook every time I see him? Or should I establish a pattern that we eat separately and then meeting for s-x 😉 -? I am not sure how to approach this. he may be coming tonight and can tell he expects to spend the night too.

  67.  #67Heart on March 6, 2013 at 5:12 am

    Memulo – maybe he was just angry when he said that?

    and yes we’re not a couple…

  68.  #68Memulo on March 6, 2013 at 5:23 am

    Heart, thank you, he may have been angry and worried about his income that day (was awaiting his financial results) but it is still unacceptable. I never hint or suggest that he takes me for dinner, it’s always his initiative. Lately there weren’t many dinners even. He is quite greedy in general.

    Heart, a whole new life awaits you! In a couple of months you will be having trouble remembering his name 😉

  69.  #69BeLoved on March 6, 2013 at 5:44 am

    Last night was my first Orgasmic Meditation experience and…
    The man was yummy, wide open, good boundaries, lots and lots of warm, comfortable eye contact. Although I already felt comfortable and knew the ins and outs of the practice, I let him explain it all to me as if I were a newbie, it helped to build rapport.

    The gist of the practice is that the woman lies down, top on, pants off, and the man sits next to her with a leg over her belly and another under her other leg, and gives the 1o’clock spot on the clitoris focused stroking for 15 minutes.

    I loved being able to relax, sit back, enjoy and have absolutely no obligation to reciprocate. He was there for me, and for his own practice of presence, period.
    No goals.

    As part of the practice, he described to me what he saw, “I see pink, and brown, hair, I see your hood…your clit is hiding, not ready to come out and play” and afterwards he described the changes he noticed in texture, how my vulva engorged and swelled…
    all while making eye contact, I felt so comfortable and he expressed himself in a relaxed and matter-of-fact way.

    I was in dreamyblissyumness most of the time, brought my attention back when my mind started to conjure up a memory to intensify the experience.

    I felt empowered to have this man here specifically to pleasure and explore my pussy and make it comfortable, and to be able to direct the smallest, tiniest thing. I am incredibly sensitive and to be able to finally have someone touch me exactly the way I want and need to be touched…wow.
    I was close to the edge of an orgasm right away, and breathed through it so as not to “grab” or “grasp” for it, he backed off just enough to keep the arousal high, but not painful to be on the edge.
    Just wow.

    So this went on for 13 minutes (a timer is set), and then for 2 minutes slowed everything down and ‘grounded’ my pussy.

    I sat up with the biggest grin on my face – I was nearly drooling, I felt so blissed.
    I felt like I was in a perfect stretch of time, where I have exactly what I want and want exactly what I have and
    my mind was so calm and at peace, present.

    He is SO attractive! And only for just a minute, when he first sent me a pic, did I think ‘he’s too hot for me’. I got over it real quick, and when he described himself as ‘conventionally attractive’, I described myself as ‘unconventionally attractive’. I mean, I’m a BBW, with a big schnozz and a big belly and yet, I often have had very attractive men that can’t keep their hands off of me soo….

    May this be the gate to a whole new dimension of sexual experience and relationship for me!


  70.  #70Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 5:51 am


    Yeah Emerson. But ExoticCD is not your man. He is a stranger, with a life before he met you. It would be more than unreasonable for him to walk away from his life before he truly knows you. Before he knows if he wants you in his life for the long haul. How long has he known this girl? How long has known you? It seems you are claiming him way ahead of him claiming you. The relationship timeline seems to be totalling off, in your mind.

  71.  #71Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 5:53 am


    He told Olivia that he drank because he was unhappy in this prior relationship, and both he and his former girlfriend had turned to addictive behavior to cope with their unhappiness. The former girlfriend’s addiction eventually became a deal breaker for him, so he ended things. Now that he’s with Olivia he says he’s happy and no longer feels the need to drink. He loves her like he’s never loved before.

    I think this is SO beautiful.

    He also has told her she just needs to relax and enjoy the relationship and that whatever problems arise will be dealt with as they do.

    I think this is SO wise.

  72.  #72Zara on March 6, 2013 at 5:54 am

    37 Memulo,
    ***** what will I tell him?*****

    the truth, nothing but the truth.

    G lives in the Uk, I live inFrance. It happened several times that I was out when G called at night or on a Sunday afternoon. The following time we spoke, I would tell the simple truth:

    ” I was enjoying a bowling party with a male friend. It felt good to be invited out, it feels healthier than staying in. ”
    “I was on a dinner Date. I felt pretty and this felt lovely and sweet. The food was delicious, I felt pampered by Universe.”

    Some CD freaked out when hearing the truth and by doing so weeded themselves out. That saved my time. But G would ask me if I had fun and he would say that he did not feel so safe that men could take me out but that he understood I had my life to live up and he liked me for that and he was going to win my heart away from the other men anyhow. He would say he had never met a woman who would simply and naturally say that she went on a date. He said my honesty made him feel safe. Which in turn makes me feel safe and seen.

    I am totally out of the schema ” what should I tell him or what should I do” .
    I used him like I was using the other CDs as experiments to tell the truth, no matter what. And to express feelings. I expressed feelings, focused on myself, not on what he could think of me. I felt distanced from the outcome, because at the beginning, I considered there was no risk I would feel love for a man I did not really know and who had brought nothing into my life yet, apart from poems he wrote for me, songs, nights out, restaurants, cinemas, gifts and a romantic trip to Paris and he would fill in with food my cup boards and fridge at each of his visits and he would cook for me. I enjoyed practicing to receive, it felt awesome, gorgeous, powerful, sweet, comforting , it felt very surprising and I felt cherished and feminine and soft, very surprising indeed, and it built up my self esteem. Yet I did not change my vibes towards making G THE man to target. His sweet gifts were crumbs in the big picture of me wanting a husband able to be my captain. G was only one option among others until I would get the relationship I want, may it be with G or with another CD, and Internet was full of replacements if necessary. I felt detached towards the outcome of each date, and sexy into my body and loving the now and embracing with all my heart each of my dates with G and the others.

    When I first met G, he did seem to me he could be a list man. I posted about him back then. Well, 3 months after we first met, G was kneeling in front of me, with my family witnessing the scene, he put a diamond ring on my finger and proposed to me. By then I was feeling cherished, adored, accepted with no judgments, accepted where I am at, with the freedom to tell the truth clumsily still and to express my most selfish wants and the miracle of feeling loved for it. I was feeling seen, heard, protected, pampered through the attention he pours all over me. I was feeling sexy and beautiful. A miracle. Like Rory said somewhere on this blog, I felt in love with myself. I was feeling love. The miracle of the love G pours into me. Like Rory says, G and I had one same main interest: me. That was a diferent feeling. Wow I dared experiment it all the way! I feel brave. I accepted his proposal.

    I still do what I feel is good for me and I still tell him the truth and my true feelings. He says It is endearing when I share my feelings, I seem vulnerable and it makes him want to hold me in his arms and to protect me. I share my true feelings and my desires also during our sexual play times. Again, the honesty factor arouses him. That’s one safe healthy man who does not need porn, I tell you only that. Looking at me trying on dresses in shops arouses him! Feeling proud of me when I walk out with the new sexy dress arouses him. Looking at me trying on wedding dresses aroused him! I got the wedding dress then the sex afterwards, double treat :). He is the sweetest lover I ever met. He enjoys making me happy and he loves hugs and kisses as much as I do.

    Sometimes telling the truth feels real easy breathy, when what I say is what I feel.

    Other times what I say is not in alignment with my true feelings. When I notice, even if it’s the following day, I speak up and I say :
    ” G, I notice I still give automatic answers. I don’t want to do that anymore, though, it feels tight in my tummy and in my throat, like yesterday when I said such and such. I noticed afterwards the pain. I found that such and such is not my true feelings. What I felt was bla bla bla ”

    He says he is loving hearing my true feelings, it melts his heart and it makes him learn about himself and he has been feeling surprised ever since he met me and wants to keep feeling surprised.
    That’s how he revealed who he is, through my experiment of telling the truth. He is an open minded man who gets me and facilitates the expression of my true feelings which he sees as a mirror to meet himself.

    By sticking to my guns and saying my truth no matter what, keeping in mind the relationship I want as priority over ANY man, the CDs unable to create the relationship I want weeded themselves out, while G revealed himself as a safe Captain and has been opening my heart slowly but surely.

    I feel my heart bursting with love, I feel sweet tears buiding up, thank you Universe, thank you, thank you, more please.


  73.  #73Heart on March 6, 2013 at 6:03 am

    FW – I’ve noticed you’ve been silent on my situation…
    *twiddles thumbs*
    I want your opinion…

  74.  #74Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:05 am

    BeLoved is that a profession? It kinda sounds like a meditative massage. If so how much does it cost to have something like that done?

  75.  #75Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:06 am

    Hi Zara. Aren’t you married yet? You still putting him off?

  76.  #76Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:06 am

    Hey Heart. I will reread but the best is here, Zara.

  77.  #77Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:13 am

    I am the slowest learner ever

    well, dont feel too proud

    Elsie – it seems you have an issue with receiving compliments. Seems your mind is focussed on pulling yourself down a bit. I would reread some of these comments if I were you and see if you have a belief lurking below your radar of consciousness just waiting to drag you down. Is it that you don’t believe you are worthy of all this goodness that is happening to you? Or that you are not powerful enough to create what you want in your life. Really look at these is what I say and pay attention to your thoughts and celebrate yourself when you catch the negative thoughts towards yourself. Then flip them.

    “Thank you I am a fast learner”
    “I feel proud of myself too so much so that I feel my heart bouncing around in my chest like it is giving me an applause and standing ovation”. You can practice on your own self with your self talk.

  78.  #78Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:23 am

    RE 66 – This suggests that you lack boundaries.

  79.  #79BeLoved on March 6, 2013 at 6:24 am


    I just ‘happened’ to meet a man on Craigslist who is looking for women to practice with. He isn’t officially trained, but after a conversation with him I felt like we were totally on the same page and he is dedicated to practicing the protocol as taught at

    As far as I can tell, it isn’t a service for sale, there are coaches who train individuals and couples.

    I’m still feeling so blissed, dreamy, soft, receptive…I want to sit and be present and write about my feelings sometime today.

    Once, a few years ago, I did a heavy dose of mushrooms in a valley at an ambient music show, specifically geared for the psychedelic experience.
    I felt so completely at one with the universe, that when the crowd stood up to cheer at the end of the set, I felt totally surprised to realize there was a band playing music (I was lying on the hillside, looking up at the stars) – I felt like I *was* the music and it was playing me.

    The feeling last night is as close to that feeling as I’ve ever gotten without psychedelics.
    Gonna be purring alllll day!

    Wow, if I had know how to do this and felt like I deserved it 10 years ago….wow….life would have been so different!
    Maybe I can active imagination it and see what happens.
    I feel so grateful and mmmmm…..!!! delighted and I’m running out of adjectives for how perfect I feel right now to have found this practice!!

  80.  #80Emerson on March 6, 2013 at 6:25 am

    thanks Heart and Elsie
    I feel distant enough that I don’t feel a lot of that true jealousy feeling,,,
    It’s more like i feel angry that he keeps ruining the moment by mentioning her….
    It feels cumbersome to bring it up.
    I feel afraid that he will be annoyed and it will be akward…
    One big communication barrier for me is that I like to avoid awkwardness .

    I also felt uncomfortable because we were kissing and he kept wanting me to go down on him and pushing my hand there etc,

    and I said no I feel uncomfortable… It would feel better if I got to know you and he said ok but then tries again a couple more times so that was tiresome ….

    I feel safe with him but its just meh…. Plus most guys try getting in my pants or wanting to go down on me first but he was thinking of himself first…. Just am observation ,,,

    On top of that he was answering texts in his phone while we were talking and it felt annoying.

    I feel attracted to him and he is passionate and a good kisser. I feel these sound like a lot of criticisms but I’m just noting observations….

  81.  #81Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:26 am

    Heart I don’t know what to say. Maybe he knows you are leaving so wants to see you one last time. I don’t know why you think he is offering you crumbs. Is it because he wants to take you out after a month? Why would he want to build something strong with you when you are leaving? Is it that he is just being realistic that anything with you can only be casual?

  82.  #82Emerson on March 6, 2013 at 6:28 am

    Also he was pouty when Ieft saying he’s going to have blue balls.
    I also noticed he mentioned an actress on tv was beautiful and didn’t give me any compliments. It feels nice to hear those things and I feel disconnected and turned off I don’t.

  83.  #83Memulo on March 6, 2013 at 6:33 am

    FW, what was 66? I can’t see numbers on my cell

  84.  #84Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:34 am

    “also felt uncomfortable because we were kissing and he kept wanting me to go down on him and pushing my hand there etc”,

    Oh no Emerson. This is not a man who is seeking more with you. This is all about his pleasure. yick

  85.  #85Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:34 am


  86.  #86Memulo on March 6, 2013 at 6:34 am

    He wouldn’t be able to handle the truth. He would freak out and make another terrible scene

  87.  #87Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:35 am

    66: Memulo says:

    I don’t want my cd to take me out for dinners and then tell me that I am ‘an extra mouth to feed’. But where does that leave me? Does it mean I will have to cook every time I see him? Or should I establish a pattern that we eat separately and then meeting for s-x -? I am not sure how to approach this. he may be coming tonight and can tell he expects to spend the night too.

  88.  #88Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:36 am

    Memulo I would not be having sex with him, have him sleep over until I am in a feel good place.

  89.  #89Heart on March 6, 2013 at 6:36 am

    FW – hmmm food-for-thought…

  90.  #90Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:39 am

    “On top of that he was answering texts in his phone” – means he does not respect you.

    This just feels like too much physical activity too quickly. Are you dates at home?

    What is he passionate about?

  91.  #91Heart on March 6, 2013 at 6:39 am

    FW – but he only found out I might be relocating last week…
    and he ask me to dinner & a movie at my place…since we went to his place last time (last month…lol)
    I guess I feel it sounds…kinda like an advanced date rather than a simple coffee or something.

  92.  #92Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:44 am

    Heart – have you considered telling him you want a proper date. If you are not officially a committed couple again, after a break, why would you want to be hanging out at home? In my experience, *some* guys assume you want sex when you go to their house. So they think they have do the minimum and their mind is not focussed on courting you. I have heard this from guys.

  93.  #93Emerson on March 6, 2013 at 6:45 am

    I have two new CDs that I am supposed to return calls to today.

  94.  #94Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:45 am

    and he ask me to dinner & a movie at my place – maybe I am old fashioned but this is a rather odd concept to me. I can’t see a man asking me to dinner at my place.

  95.  #95Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:46 am

    Emerson I hope you do. That exoticCd is making me want to vomit. If I were you I would change his screenname. Take him off that pedestal.

  96.  #96Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:49 am

    Ladies I feel compelled to suggest that you find out what guess believe “hanging out” and “hooking up” means.

  97.  #97MovingMagic on March 6, 2013 at 6:57 am

    I agree with that FW. My boundaries are always in check before going to a mans place.

  98.  #98Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:57 am

    I feel safe with him – Emerson I am trying to hold myself back from asking the innocent question. Really?

    I’ll tell you the way I see it based on your comments. You feel attracted to this guy, he wants you to give to him so you feel safe.

    Others guys want to pleasure you first and might at least be physically attracted.

    Is this a pattern with you feeling unsafe because a man wants you? I would really become curious about how uncomfortable I am with full on male attention.

    This might be your masculine energy cue. It might be affecting your vibe so this guy confidently knows that you desperately want him. Maybe need him so he is directing your energy towards pleasuring him.

    I know I am speculating her Emerson but if I were you I would really journal a lot about this are keep rereading it to see what my inner guidance is telling me. I really believe you have hit on something massive here that could push you over the edge to your breakthrough.

  99.  #99Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 6:58 am

    correction “find out what guys”

  100.  #100Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 7:00 am

    Memulo I would be telling him “I still feel upset/unhappy about the street encounter”.

  101.  #101Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 7:04 am

    aaahhh “His sweet gifts were crumbs in the big picture of me wanting a husband able to be my captain”

    Zara I love your words.

  102.  #102Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 7:09 am

    Thanks for explaining BeLoved. It feels scary but at the same time exciting.

  103.  #103Emerson on March 6, 2013 at 7:12 am

    Thanks fw it’s helpful to read your comments.

  104.  #104Mercedes on March 6, 2013 at 7:15 am

    Hi Emerson! 🙂 I’ve been reading your posts about exoticCd. Is there anything I can say to convince you that YOU are the prize and YOU deserve to be treated like an absolute Goddess? I’m with FW when it comes to the journaling, etc. I think it would serve you well to journal what you really really want and need and don’t want. Most of all, it would be good if you could start discovering what you believe you deserve and then work on believing you deserve it all. Maybe work on knowing that there is really no reason for you to settle for less than everything you want, need and deserve. I’d suggest calling the new CDs and setting up dates with them if you haven’t already. Nothing shows a girl how deserving she is of a man’s love more than getting loving attention from a man. And if you’re single, then loving attention from lots of men is even better. 🙂 And by loving attention I don’t mean men who are just after sex and who keep trying after you say you are uncomfortable…and especially not men who then pout about it.

    Elsie: I love your anniversary story… simply beautiful…

    Much Love,

  105.  #105Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 7:17 am

    Emerson aren’t you feeling any kind of discomfort, reading my words?

  106.  #106Heart on March 6, 2013 at 7:21 am

    FW – dinner out…and movie at my place…lol! He didnt invite himself over for free food or

    FW – you’re totally right. But CudG & I always had proper dates (except last time when I went over to his place to hang out). He respects my No…he tries but he doesn’t pressure me and will stop when I get overwhelmed. He’s really caring like that…And I really Doubt he is expecting sex on our last date. We haven’t had sex. It’s kinda unspoken that I need more connection to go down that road.

    Also we’ve never been a committed couple…but on our dates we kinda act like that…

    Regardless – Ill expect a proper date and suggest we do something else…How do I do that in a feminine way?

  107.  #107Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 7:28 am

    Ill expect a proper date and suggest we do something else…How do I do that in a feminine way?

    This is really loaded with the possibility of disappointment.

  108.  #108Emerson on March 6, 2013 at 7:39 am

    Fw I mean I feel safe with him as in he’s not a dangerous person or going to rape me or anything like that …. I dont have the alarm bells going off in that regard …. But I don’t feel emotionally safe or unsafe because I don’t know him in that regard I’m neutral.

  109.  #109Mercedes on March 6, 2013 at 7:40 am

    Beloved: I would freak out if I found myself in a situation like that with a man who wasn’t my committed partner. I admire your bravery so much (although the mother in me still feels scared for you). It’s so opposite of me and what I would do or enjoy. It’s like seeing something through another’s perspective that is totally and completely different from mine. I’m so happy you had a great time with it and didn’t do what I would do…FREAK OUT. And the mother in me will calm down and not worry about you. She will remind herself that you are an adult and you will meet people and have experiences that are different from hers…but she might wait until tomorrow to do that…

    Heart: I’m all about suggesting a proper date if that’s what I want (I do it sometimes with J if there is a particular place I want to go or something I want to do) but…I’m not sure it can be done in a feminine way. I personally have come to terms with the fact that when I plan a night out, I’m wearing my masculine hat. I’m good with that. Also, I rarely plan something like that for “us”, I tend to plan it for me and invite him to join me. I don’t ask him if he wants to do something different tonight, I’ll say “I’m going to XYZ restaurant for dinner. Do you want to join me?”. He’s pretty good about saying yes. 🙂

    Much Love,

  110.  #110Emerson on March 6, 2013 at 7:53 am

    Yes fw I do feel some discomfort but I know you’re right so I’m just absorbing it…It feels good to hear your caring words about my growth and breakthrough. I feel a bit numb.

    Thank you Mercedes for your comments I feel cared for and heard….

  111.  #111ArabianLove on March 6, 2013 at 7:55 am

    Emerson, I’d like to ask you a question. What is it that you actually want from exoctic CD?

  112.  #112Emerson on March 6, 2013 at 8:15 am

    Arabian love I want a relationship
    All I want fromexoticcd is to get to know him to see if I would want a relationship with him and right about now I’m feeling unmotivated….
    I’m not sure what’s motivating him or any man for that matter they all just seem to want a blow job
    I feel bitter

  113.  #113Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 8:35 am

    Emerson we all want to feel sexual excitement. Maybe that is how these guys get theirs.

  114.  #114Emerson on March 6, 2013 at 8:49 am

    Fw I don’t have anything against bj’s perse …. But not this early in the getting to know you phase..
    Wonder what I’m putting out there that would make him think I would do that 🙁 he thinks im a slut..

  115.  #115Violette on March 6, 2013 at 8:49 am

    Elsie thank you for commenting on my post. It felt supportive to read it.

    I just kept waiting until I understood why I felt so awful around D…it was like he had a mean streak, like whenever I’d be girly and talk about feelings, he’d want to punish me! Even though I thought it was worth it for now for the great sex, I see that it was not. I will not tolerate feeling unappreciated, even scorned for being in my feminine energy, ever again.

    Today I’m cleansing and clearing the space, grateful beyond words to be done with that experience! I am so looking forward to going out and using my feminine wiles on men who will love them. I want to be with men who make it fun to be a woman!!

    Beloved that sex meditation sounds amazing.

  116.  #116Turquoise on March 6, 2013 at 8:55 am

    Why do I keep having sexual dreams about my ex-husband??? Holy heck, it’s been several nights this last week. I feel flushed just thinking about it. My subconscious is making up for the lack of reality sex! 🙂 at least I woke up in a good mood!

  117.  #117Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 9:18 am

    Do you think you are a s!lut?

  118.  #118Memulo on March 6, 2013 at 9:49 am

    Emerson, it has very little to do with what impression you may be giving him or not and everything to do with ehat he wants from this relationship. Just stop him firmly and see

  119.  #119BeLoved on March 6, 2013 at 9:59 am

    Awww…Mercedes, your mother hen protective energy feels gooooodddd!!! I feel loved and cared for.
    I hear your concern for me and feel SO grateful thank you thank you I know what a big heart you have and thank you thank you!!

    I did give my 2 best friends his name and phone number, and when he would be at my place.
    Thinking back, I should have called them to let them know when he arrived, I’ll know better for the future.

    I *tried* to work up a scare with him and just couldn’t – it felt as natural and easy as if I were about to go for a walk in the park.

    Like flowing warm honey easy.

    I have a whole new idea of what is possible with a man now, my body has a new sexual imprint, my heart feels touchy and I’ve felt emotional today and some old pain that was entangled with joy is dissolving.


  120.  #120ArabianLove on March 6, 2013 at 10:03 am

    I highly doubt he thinks your a **** Emerson. But I do see how this is how he can be making you feel.

    I agree with FW men just want to be sexually excited. I would take it as a compliment that he thinks your attractive and sexually arousing. However, let him know again that you don’t want to do this. Keep in public places where the chances are less likely he’ll try this again.

    I don’t see this as being a demeaning act towards you. Just what most men feel first maybe ?!?

  121.  #121Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 10:13 am

    BeLoved/Mercedes – I read a story about a man. I believe the email might have come from Alex Allman. This man while travelling requested a massage. During the routine the woman, eventually took his member in her mouth, as if it was a natural part of her massage routine and gave him a masterful bj. He was so taken in and mesmerized by the experience that he kept going back and it eventually started to affect his marriage. He was somehow able to open up and tell his wife about it and even though it affected her and the relationship they decided to rebuild trust and work through it. What “ultimately” happened was that his wife was provided with material to help her learn how to do it in a way that he enjoyed. Apparently the woman developed some kind of book that people could buy and learn the art of giving good bjobs and I believe handjobs.

  122.  #122Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 10:16 am

    Arabian/Emerson – also the reason why it is important to set boundaries for ourselves and standards of behavior so when faced with certain situations we trust ourselves enough to say no. It also helps our minds in making choices so that we don’t willingly throw ourselves under the bus, or put ourselves in compromising situations. It’s like not telling a guy on the dating site where you work, where you live etc.

  123.  #123Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 10:18 am

    Just read this from Josh Begoni the Belly Fat Free guy.

    Splenda®, also known as sucralose, is an artificial, chemical sweetener.

    Despite advertisements stating “Made from Sugar, so it Tastes like Sugar”, which attempt to confuse consumers, Splenda® is not natural and contains no elements of natural sugar.

    You may also be surprised to learn that Splenda® contains chrlorine. Yes, the same chlorine that goes in swimming pools. And here’s the worst side effect:

    Just like chlorine kills off micro-organisms in swimming pools, Splenda® and sucralose kill off healthy bacteria that lives in your gut — healthy bacteria that is VITALLY important to virtually every aspect of your health.

    Recently, a study at the University of Duke confirmed this very finding. Not only is sucralose a heavily-processed, chemical artificial sweetener, but it’s also damaging to your gut health, which goes on to affect every other aspect of your health.

    Here’s a direct quote from that study:

    “Splenda® suppresses beneficial bacteria and directly affects the expression of the transporter P-gp and cytochrome P-450 isozymes that are known to interfere with the bioavailability of nutrients. Furthermore, these effects occur at Splenda® doses that contain sucralose levels that are approved by the FDA for use in the food supply.”

    Did you know that over 80% of your immune system finds it’s home in your gut? In fact, there are more than 100 TRILLION living bacteria in your gut that control many aspects of your health, and due to things like the ingestion of artificial sweeteners like Splenda®, most folks have created a massive bacterial imbalance in their body.

  124.  #124Mercedes on March 6, 2013 at 10:25 am

    FW: My heart would shatter into a million pieces if I were that woman. Long before I ever learned how to do it the way he liked it. I believe there are better ways to communicate to each other what we like than getting it somewhere else. Reaction due to my past I am sure but the heart would shatter none the less…

    Much Love,

  125.  #125Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 10:33 am

    The first time around he did not expect it. He was shocked.

  126.  #126Memulo on March 6, 2013 at 10:39 am

    I think I waited for too long to talk to my cd. There will be little left to talk about tomorrow when he is coming to see me.

  127.  #127Miss Bells on March 6, 2013 at 10:43 am

    All peaceful right now except for being nasty sick. It may be detox from changing diet.
    HS re-upped his Match but has not been using it.
    We had a very good weekend. Starting with his gig at a local club where I brought most of the audience and knew EVERYONE. He was very affectionate, but we stayed up too late and were sacked out on Friday.
    Saturday we went shopping at my favorite mall.
    When I got sick Sunday night he was very attentive.

    He asked me to go to Reno with him in April, already has the room. He said they wanted my name for the reservation and he used my first and his last name.

    Over the weekend he made a remark about us not being “Dating” anymore. I used it to give my speech.

    I said “actually, as long as there is no definite commitment we ARE just dating”

    And “I love you a lot. You have every right t keep things just as they are–you can take as much time as you want to decide–but you can’t have me all to yourself while you are at it.”

    He said he was surprised that I wasn’t married by now–being as popular as I am.

    I said–“It is because I feel an attachment–but the king lion CAN get knocked of the top of the hill under the right circumstances.”

    The thing is–I KNOW he loves me too. I can see it when he looks at me, and he even says it sometimes–and we are talking a 63 year old German guy.

    But love alone is not enough to get a commitment.

    Tonight I hope to be well enough to go to my usual Wednesday Happy Hour. Convertable CD will be there. He called me to make sure I was coming. I just have to stick to water, that’s all.

  128.  #128Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 10:50 am

    In response to how we can feel more self-love, Katherine shared the THREE core capacities we must develop to create a healthier, more loving relationship with ourselves. Here’s the first one:

    Self-Love Breakthrough: Become able to reflect on your behavior within your relationship without experiencing shame, blame or self-loathing.

    Carl Rogers, a famous psychotherapist, talked about creating “unconditional positive regard” for ourselves, meaning that we need to cultivate true acceptance for ourselves as loving, caring people.

    That, Katherine explains, is the basis of healthy self-esteem.

    When we’re coming from a place of deep and loving regard for ourselves, we don’t need to blame or shame ourselves or one another. Instead, we can be curious about how we’re behaving within our relationship.

    And by being able to reflect on ourselves in this open-minded way, we no longer feel defensive. Instead, we’re willing and able to notice what we’re doing and then grow and develop in ways that deepen our relationship with ourselves and with each other.

    And that’s just ONE of the incredible self-love insights she shared. The other two are just as powerful!

    Katherine Woodward Thomas

  129.  #129Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 10:54 am

    Art of Love Relationship Breakthrough HIGHLIGHT: The Antidote to Destructive Criticism and the Loving Way to Resolve Differences

    During our series, Dr. Harville Hendrix shared his latest research, and the topic of his next book, on why ALL forms of criticism is destructive and why couples must take a vow to practice “Zero Negativity.”

    The bottom line is this — in a relationship, there is no such thing as constructive criticism . . . in fact, all criticism is destructive! We must learn to relate to the differences with our partner without hurting them.

    Through neuroscience we now know that when we criticize our partner — and that includes put-downs, guilt, shaming & blaming — it registers in their brain as a threat…and they no longer feel safe. This also causes their blood chemistry to change and for chemicals to be emitted in their body which makes them feel anxious, scared and often become defensive.

    And it doesn’t always have to be words that do this….. rolling your eyes or giving them a “look” can also trigger the brain to alert them to danger.

    The antidote to criticism is to take a vow of “Zero Negativity” and agree not to have ANY transactions that are negative…anything where you are judging your partner.

    Now this doesn’t mean that you don’t have issues to deal with; but you do them in a NEW way…

    Here are just a few of the tips that Harville provided in this powerful seminar:

    First, make an appointment with your partner to have a talk so you don’t catch them off guard
    Then once you are with them, share some honest and genuine appreciations
    Next you say, “I have a request.” Now you aren’t accusing them of anything, you are just reframing your frustration into a request of what your wish is

    It’s really a brilliant way to solve differences in a way that is loving and respectful!

    One thing you can do today: Harville says that behind every frustration we have with our partner is a “wish” . . . so pick one frustration and figure out what the “wish” is behind it, before you try to talk to your partner.

    For instance, Harville’s wife, Helen, is always running late. His “wish” was that she will let him know when she is going to be late. Then he knows how to handle his time AND he also asks her that when she does finally arrive . . . to throw her arms around him and give him a big hug and a kiss!

  130.  #130Memulo on March 6, 2013 at 10:58 am

    How important is it to be in love with your partner.. or settling is not that bad?

  131.  #131Memulo on March 6, 2013 at 11:05 am

    Anyway, I don’t have this choice anymore:) my cd is fed up with me.

  132.  #132Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 11:13 am

    Memulo – I swear. You must get an adrenaline high from beating up on yourself.

  133.  #133Mercedes on March 6, 2013 at 12:20 pm

    I changed my blog again. Deleted a lot of the old stuff. Removing the focus from my past with J and the relationships of other people…and moving forward with love and meditation. It feels good. 🙂

    I kept the old stuff for myself and can email them if someone had one in particular they were interested in keeping but none of it is public internet stuff anymore. It feels really, really good to change focus and grow and take a new step forward. I’m happy.

    Much Love,

  134.  #134T-Girl on March 6, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    Memulo I would never settle again. That is what I did with my ex husband. Now that I am in love with a wonderful man who loves me too I finally feel alive, and enjoying my life immensly.

  135.  #135Mercedes on March 6, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    Memulo: “How important is it to be in love with your partner.. or settling is not that bad?” – In my opinion it is only as important as your happiness is. If you’re not that interested in being happy all your life then it won’t be that important to you. If you want a love that lasts forever and makes you smile then it will be critical.

    Much Love,

  136.  #136BeLoved on March 6, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    C is back today.
    I’m noticing feeling little waves of distress.
    My feelings just sort of opened up and fell out of me.
    I am staying away and not getting close to him physically to the best of my ability.
    I don’t want to be afraid of my feelings and I want to take care of myself.

    My practice for now is – don’t ‘hang out’ with him.
    Don’t stand near him (I just walked to the other side of the office we were all in and avoided eye contact).
    FOCUS on something else. Just now it was a spot on someone else’s jacket.

    Love and love and LOVE to all my parts and extra love to whatever hurts.

    Annie, FW – any Inner Bonding guidance for this?
    The longing started to come up and I snapped out of it and did something else…

    Oh, okay…

    Dear precious emotional self and nervous system –
    Is it possible to love C, not deny our feelings for C, and also not feel distressed or get stuck in longing again?

    I don’t want to feel distressed, I don’t want to feel scared of my feelings, and I don’t want to be hypersensitive to an unavailable man. I don’t know what to do here, what do you think?

    Kisses and kisses to my sweet, tender self.

  137.  #137Tereana on March 6, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    I do not feel bad at all that I haven’t heard back from (k) after me last email. In fact, even thought it wasn’t “designed” in a calculated way to produce a non-response, or to have a repellant effect, in practice, I believe it did, and I actually feel relieved and grateful about that. I was having too many strong ambiguous and conflicting feelings about him. And I know I was triggered. I sometimes wish I could just be that “cool” girl that lets it all slide under the rug like it’s no big deal. But that’s not me. And I can’t not be me. So – yay me!

    Even if he thinks I’m “crazy.” Even if I really am a “hot mess.” I deserve to be treated well by my partner. I deserve to not feel threatened, or that my signals and words are not being listened to. I deserve to be with someone who doesn’t place their own desires above my needs. And I deserve to be with someone who honors me, rather than uses my body to serve their own pleasures.

    So good riddance, (k). I do not even feel bad that we are not friends at this time. Because as far as I am aware, we were not fabulous friends to begin with. You barely called me or spent time with me, even though you lived very close to my apartment. And I know that you do spend time with other friends and call them a lot. So this is not a loss for me. In fact, it’s a gain. I have gained my freedom, and you helped me get there. But your job is done. You are released.

    Thank you

  138.  #138BeLoved on March 6, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    Feels like…
    upper limits alarm!

    What positive new thing is trying to come into being right now, I wonder?

  139.  #139Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 12:52 pm

    BeLoved you can also ask your heart “what is most loving action I can take for myself in this moment?”

  140.  #140Femininewoman on March 6, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    From Rori’s book

    “Overfunctioning can be about not appreciating yourself enough to have reasonable boundaries. It’s the classic self esteem issue of feeling you can only be loved if you earn it. By serving, by being nice and good.

    How are you not appreciating yourself.

    What are you tolerating that isn’t good for you or that you don’t like or don’t want”.

  141.  #141Shar Lean Way Back on March 6, 2013 at 2:33 pm

    Zara, you have always been so brave and spot on with your observations.

  142.  #142Violette on March 6, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    A bad boy from last summer reemerged, but someone I’ve had a past with too. He left a long message wanting to hear about what I was up to, as well as saying he’d just come back from the exact town I was just in visiting! But he left the message at 2am. I know I can’t call him back because that would be saying that it’s ok to call me at that hour. But I want to!!

  143.  #143Emerson on March 6, 2013 at 3:06 pm

    No I don’t think I’m a slut

  144.  #144Emerson on March 6, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    I feel like I’m pms

  145.  #145Violette on March 6, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    Also just had a work thing with a guy who is so masculine and crazy attractive. I was in work mode so I didn’t flirt at all, because I wanted to focus on doing good work, but boy did I walk out of there flustered! He’s awesome. The truth is it doesn’t feel too good to feel this way. I feel like a little girl, embarrassed, and I want to let it go. He helped me with work, and reminded me about the good stuff that’s out there. And I’ll throw in for myself that he found me charming and adorable and sexy!

    And I’m letting it go and moving on.

  146.  #146Violette on March 6, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    I can also tell myself that it was me who brought out all the awesome in him 🙂

  147.  #147ArabianLove on March 6, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    Violette – why can’t you call him at a decent time and if he doesn’t answer tell him to call you back at a DECENT time lol.

    It has worked for me !!!

    Why overthink it all… I don’t believe guys think this way.

  148.  #148Heart on March 6, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    Rori has no advice on how to suggest a plan to a guy?
    I feel like it’s so Masculine.
    FW – I’m ok with whatever he decides. …He’s really good with planning dates & pleasing me in that sense.
    In my heart, I kinda just want to cuddle and watch a movie.

    Sirens – I woke up today feeling energized. I’ll be gone soon! Wow. So much stuff to organise my mind is already wandering.

  149.  #149Heart on March 6, 2013 at 3:16 pm

    #109 – Mercedes I missed your comment. Thanks for the input!

  150.  #150Violette on March 6, 2013 at 3:54 pm

    Arabian Love…that’s one way to go, but…it’s really just a bootie call at 2am and I don’t want to give mixed messages…I do not want a bootie call…at least not that late at night, heh heh…

  151.  #151BeLoved on March 6, 2013 at 4:04 pm


    Heart, what I did with J for last night was say, “What would feel best and most comfortable for me is…”
    It didn’t feel masculine, it felt very feminine. He did open the door by asking me what felt comfortable for me, though. Surrender speak would say, “I feel/I don’t want/I want/what do you think?”.

  152.  #152k2012 on March 6, 2013 at 4:58 pm

    “A man who truly loves you will do three things: profess his love for you publicly, protect you by any means necessary, and provide for you, no matter if it means there’s nothing left for himself.” Steve Harvey. Ladies, I need to catch up on the blog. I am reading some chapters in Steve’s second book. I bought it from late summer 2011 and don’t have time to read it. I am gonna read ba few chapters every evening or every other evening.

  153.  #153Annie on March 6, 2013 at 6:07 pm


    ” My practice for now is – don’t ‘hang out’ with him.
    Don’t stand near him (I just walked to the other side of the office we were all in and avoided eye contact).
    FOCUS on something else. Just now it was a spot on someone else’s jacket.

    Love and love and LOVE to all my parts and extra love to whatever hurts.”

    Love and welcome your feelings they are there to guide you.

    you did great.

    Dr Margaret Paul has some great guidance if you go onto her site want to follow it and process the feelings that came up and go deeper and the feelings/ behavior will remind you of someone from your past doing the same. Right back to it being one of your parents or both. until you are able to grieve and let it go. And take the loving action for yourself that a loving parent would do for a child. Which will most likely be get you/ your inner child out of harms way. Or as Rori says get your energy out of there. Not easy if you have to work together, but get as far away as possible. Or if it becomes to intolerable change departments, new job. X

  154.  #154IamHis on March 6, 2013 at 6:11 pm

    My virginal self felt really nervous and wondering if I even SHOULD watch the video, but I’m glad I did. The familiarity reminded me of how G0D wants for us to be familiar with Him in prayer. The mystery is in that no matter how close we get to G0D, there’s still so much to be discovered, and that we may never know.

    Reminded me of this verse:

    “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:5

    Thanks, Rori. That was tasteful.

  155.  #155Memulo on March 6, 2013 at 6:14 pm

    Thank you sirens.

    I think my cd is history. I am alone again..

  156.  #156LoveAlways on March 6, 2013 at 6:23 pm


  157.  #157Daria on March 6, 2013 at 6:25 pm

    by Scott Noelle

    FEEL Your Way to Find Your Way

    Once you understand that the primary purpose of your emotions is to guide your thinking, you no longer need to over-rely on cold rationality to make good parenting decisions.

    Your decisions can be “emotional” without being irrational. (They may, however, transcend conventional rationality.)

    The key is to be willing to WAIT. Take no action until your emotions give you the green light, because your culturally pre-programmed answers come up immediately, while your creative process takes some time to ripen.

    Often a particular choice seems very reasonable, but you feel SOMETHING isn’t quite right. Connecting with the feeling and waiting for more clarity usually reveal another aspect that, when considered, leads to a better course of action.

    If you have a history of indecisiveness, don’t go for “perfect” decisions. When your creative process leads to any feeling of RELIEF, consider it a green light for a GOOD ENOUGH decision. You can always amend your decision later.

    * Share this groove: (Web/Facebook/Twitter)

  158.  #158Linda on March 6, 2013 at 6:49 pm

    So.. I have lots of thoughts. This post is very timely for me. I have never disected the elements of love and desire in my mind. Makes perfect sense though. Right now they feel like words and concepts. I cant seem to connect to to them personally and make them mine.

    FavoriteCD told me last week end that he did not want to become like an old comfortable married couple and he was feeling like it was leaning that way between us…. He was totally talking about passion and our physical relationship. I listened to everything that he had to say. I was glad that he decided to share how he was feeling and what he wanted and thinking but was surprised at it all too. I do feel like he was projecting past relationship stuff onto me. Making assumptions, projecting expectations without ever actually talking about any of it with me.

    I felt like the tables had been turned and he was behaving like a girl that had all these expectations and was pouting a bit that he was not getting what his he had imagined.

    I have never been around a man like this. Even if he was projecting his past stuff on us at the moment he was communicating instead of shutting down . He had asked me how I felt about something and when I told him.. he body language changed and he disengaged (we were traveling in the car). He had done this before when we were on our trip. I felt uncomfortable and his could feel he was upset but was not talking about it. I certainly do not want a relationship where there is manipulative silence. He did seem unyeilding and set on being distant…. but the next day he thanked me for talking and admitted that he would find that I would find that I would often be the voice of reason between the two of us. Interesting confession and unique appology to his stubborness the day before.

    I am learning about him and I. It is all ok

  159.  #159k2012 on March 6, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    “YOU are the prize and YOU deserve to be treated like an absolute Goddess?”. Indeed, most definitely.

  160.  #160k2012 on March 6, 2013 at 7:59 pm

    “Sometimes the breakup is a blessing.” Steve Harvey. Omg, why didn’t I finish reading this book a long time ago like the first one. Quite a number of people have told me this especially Hairdresser. Trust me, based on what I know now, it was. “But there is a blessing in the storm.” Indeed, Steve. Glad I escaped it.

  161.  #161joan T on March 6, 2013 at 8:02 pm

    I thank you for e-mail, but do not 93 e-mail just one,
    so please only send just one, Take care. Only one a
    month. Joan T

  162.  #162joan T on March 6, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    If this happen again. I will never look at website again.
    I only want one, Thank you Joan T

  163.  #163Daria on March 6, 2013 at 8:27 pm

    ‘A wife’s admiration triggers several changes in husband’s thinking and attitude. The truthfulness of admiration convinces husband of the soundness of her ability to judge people, which expands her role as his advisor. It also breeds trust for the wife admirer and enhances self-respect within the husband admired. His trust in her convinces husband of wife’s respect, which further embellishes his self-worth as her mate. Thus, conventional female methods of expressing respect have to bow to the multiple ways available by using the simple technique of admiring her husband. In other words, admiration outshines appreciation and gratitude—and even the more standardized womanly methods of expressing love—when dealing with men.’
    ~ A. Guy Maligned

  164.  #164Tereana on March 6, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    Wow, beloved – re orgasmic meditation – that is super brave to do (receive) something like that.

  165.  #165Tereana on March 6, 2013 at 10:33 pm

    Elsie, that is sooo great. I love your anniversary story! Those sound like the best gifts ever! You did great!! 🙂

  166.  #166Heart on March 6, 2013 at 11:10 pm

    Hi Blog – Wow…things are really speeding up! I have to organise my stuff and book my flights. I feel really excited! I’m psyched! This is really happening.

  167.  #167Emerson on March 7, 2013 at 12:21 am

    I feel thankful for my warm bed
    I feel thankful for my family
    I feel thankful for friends that come through for me and prove my past toxic thought patterns to be wrong
    I feel thankful for my health
    I feel thankful for my job
    I feel thankful for a chance to change my life situation

  168.  #168Daria on March 7, 2013 at 12:46 am

    what feels more thrilling and self esteem boosting than sticking to your boundaries with a Desirable man…



  169.  #169Daria on March 7, 2013 at 12:47 am

    Go Heart!!

  170.  #170Daria on March 7, 2013 at 12:49 am

    I love how easily I can follow my Flyer when I allow myself too!

    I don’t even have to fight or question him in my head… my heart will just not fele good if something is not right for me…

  171.  #171Daria on March 7, 2013 at 12:49 am

    by Flyer I mean my man’s head

  172.  #172Daria on March 7, 2013 at 12:50 am

    his consciousness his thinking

  173.  #173Heart on March 7, 2013 at 12:52 am

    thanks Daria! 🙂

  174.  #174Daria on March 7, 2013 at 12:53 am

    he came by in a TUX… and wow he looked gooodddd

    i didnt even know i liked that men in tux kinda thing… till now

    ahhh he makes my knees weak

    hes gonna eat my pussy

    we talked about it

    i held out on sex and dick sucking tonite

    without shutting down !

    yiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee joy thrill watery eyes

    and tomorrow nite he wants to come by…and i said it would feel better to go out…


    he likes meeeeee


    i feel sooooo good about myself now so exalted

  175.  #175Daria on March 7, 2013 at 12:57 am

    we talked about my heart and i felt heard!

    adn noticed a change in his behavior!

    and when we did the 6 second look (we both looked away after 4 sec and looked back, yet i FELT IT! a CONNECTION IN MY HEART

    LIKE AN EXTRA LIL WARMTH there on the left side of my chest – i was already paying attention to it cuz i was practicing being in my heart!

    and i FELT IT!

    it felt extra special

    extra safe feeling of love

    only when it was thru the eyes that i felt that with him

    we both feel scared to eye contact

    we turn each other on so much… it feels overwhelming

    this was the first actual time i did it

  176.  #176Daria on March 7, 2013 at 1:00 am

    i get that he knows he’s being tested and he has to prove he can please me

    that feels SO AWESOME! i feel SO POWERFUL!

  177.  #177Daria on March 7, 2013 at 1:12 am

    “Whether women believe it or not, if they act as if they believe and confirm they are pretty, then they learn the value of prettiness. When they improve upon their prettiness to become physically attractive, they learn to appreciate who they are. As they improve further, they appreciate what they do. Thus, they become grateful for themselves and ‘happy’ infuses their spirit. If they daily practice the art of making themselves attractive, they reflect outwardly an attitude of gratitude for who they are. Other people appreciate and are grateful for such a woman and to a much higher degree than if she lacks such a self-complimenting attitude.”
    ~ A. Guy Maligned

  178.  #178Daria on March 7, 2013 at 1:15 am

    Rori – have you seen this? it reminds me of your way… from a man’s perspective … it feels really helpful to get the WHY and HOW of babystep-by- step self care… = self esteem

    “Summarized, if a woman makes herself attractive, she appreciates who she is. If she makes herself attractive as an integral part of her everyday life, gratitude for what she does floods her spirit. Then from her heart, temporary infusions of happy feelings reflect an attitude of gratitude. When other people see that, especially men, her importance in the world rises tremendously. Being attractive and obviously knowing it influences other people favorably about her importance.”

  179.  #179Daria on March 7, 2013 at 1:16 am

    this is just AMAZING!

    “Summarized, if a woman makes herself attractive, she appreciates who she is. If she makes herself attractive as an integral part of her everyday life, gratitude for what she does floods her spirit. Then from her heart, temporary infusions of happy feelings reflect an attitude of gratitude. When other people see that, especially men, her importance in the world rises tremendously. Being attractive and obviously knowing it influences other people favorably about her importance.

    The female nature works like that. Simplified, each instance of success finding something to appreciate, however small or minor, helps develop the habit of finding things to appreciate. Out of that habit, negative thoughts fade away and faultfinding and criticism becomes things of the past. As self-appreciation compounds into self-gratefulness, happiness accumulates in the female heart. (A hand-written ‘gratitude’ journal accelerates the process.)”

  180.  #180joan T on March 7, 2013 at 4:28 am

    If you send 100 e-mail to me again I will go to FBI
    to stop this misuse of a website, I promise if this
    does not STOP!!!!!

  181.  #181MovingMagic on March 7, 2013 at 5:18 am

    Check your settings Joan. You’re probably getting a notification everytime someone makes a post.

  182.  #182Butterfly wings on March 7, 2013 at 5:20 am

    180 Joan T – the FBI are very likely to tell you to unsubscribe rather than take any action… 🙂

  183.  #183Heart on March 7, 2013 at 5:21 am


  184.  #184Heart on March 7, 2013 at 5:48 am

    Joan T ….you’re suppose to say: I feel angry. I feel frustrated. I don’t want to see any more HTRYW emails in my inbox. What are your thoughts?

  185.  #185Heart on March 7, 2013 at 5:50 am

    If you send 100 e-mail to me again I will go to FBI to stop this misuse of a website – Joan T

    Omgod I love this post…Rofl!

  186.  #186MovingMagic on March 7, 2013 at 5:54 am

    I feel like giggling. 😉

  187.  #187Femininewoman on March 7, 2013 at 6:22 am

    Joan T – if you are using your phone you might have inadvertently checked the box at the bottom that requests that you get a notification each time someone posts a comment on the blog. If so, you will need to uncheck that to ensure that you get no notifications. Otherwise you can unsubscribe.

  188.  #188Femininewoman on March 7, 2013 at 6:23 am

    Thanks for sharing Daria. I can feel my heart opening with gratitude for myself just reading them.

  189.  #189Femininewoman on March 7, 2013 at 6:30 am

    Mike Fiore email

    Mary asks . . .

    “Mike, I need your help. I feel like I’m losing my boyfriend. I feel like he’s pulling away from me. When we first got together I stood up for myself and gave him an ultimatum and said if he wanted to date ME he couldn’t date anybody else. He said yes but things have just been . . . I don’t know. He said the words but I don’t REALLY feel like he’s mine. What do I do?”

    Hey Mary,

    You fell for a classic trap that simply never works (I know, because it never worked on me.)

    I’ll say it right now, a man will never truly COMMIT to a woman unless he CHOOSES to commit to her.

    If you give him an ultimatum, beg or plead or cry or do anything to “force” him to commit he’ll always have one foot already out the emotional door from day one and your relationship will be pretty much doomed.

    Nope, to have a guy REALLY fall in love with you (and STAY in love with you) he’s got to make the CONSCIOUS choice to stop “playing the field” and be with you.

  190.  #190ruth on March 7, 2013 at 7:16 am

    aw, I like the notifications
    It makes me feel loved;)

    (I am feeling very very naughty today)

  191.  #191Memulo on March 7, 2013 at 7:19 am

    It turned out I was wrong. My cd showed up at my door last night. We talked and he expressed his negative feelings – since I was half hour late that day for dinner he felt unimportant and made a scene. I feel amused: I explained to him X number of times that something just blew up at work and it was an emergency and I felt terrible to be late and I did let him know immediately. He also said that he believes I make enough money to take him out for dinner once in a while and could make an effort to cook him dinner since he does so much for me and cook him breakfast.
    That didn’t feel good but I remained calm and expressed in much calmer and less insulting ways my concerns and also said that I feel controlled. He seemed to listen, asked if I am willing to try again. He asked me for dinner this weekend and I said I’m not ready to have dinner, but can meet him for a walk or a museum visit. He wasn’t happy but took it.

  192.  #192Heart on March 7, 2013 at 7:39 am

    Joan T coooome back….please.
    I hope you get a notification & read this…hehe.

  193.  #193Heart on March 7, 2013 at 7:41 am

    Memulo….sounds like he feels unappreciated or something…

  194.  #194Memulo on March 7, 2013 at 7:53 am

    FW, thank you for your post on commitment. Makes me feel better for not making these demands in my prior relationship and letting him be and make his choice.

  195.  #195Femininewoman on March 7, 2013 at 7:58 am

    Or insignificant. About the dinner paying, it might be just that he needs some encouragement but lack the kind of conversational skill to express himself in a way that allows you to hear him Memulo. He might very well be a good guy who needs to know that he can win with you. Rather than pouring himelf and his resources down an unappreciative abyss. I would use the walk date as a kinda milestone to start a *new* relationship where you find a new voice to really speak up for yourself. This should include looking for things about him, especially things that he does for you that you can express appreciation and gratitude for. Take off some of the school marm stiffness and put on the schoolgirl childlikeness and look for ways that you can clap your hands in glee to show some of your happiness when he pleases you.

  196.  #196Memulo on March 7, 2013 at 8:07 am

    Yes you are both right FW and Heart. Still rudeness is hard to take.

    And I wonder sometimes if in my prior relationship I shouldn’t have just gone in the shade and never contact him again. Maybe I misjudged the situation and should have fought for what I wanted??

  197.  #197MovingMagic on March 7, 2013 at 8:19 am

    Memulo, I feel like it’s so wonderful to learn from our past relationships. The past can serve as a guide. The present is where the true challenges & new discoveries present themselves though. What does letting go of the past look like to you?

  198.  #198Femininewoman on March 7, 2013 at 8:26 am

    It is amazing to see that you were worried about losing this cd and now that you know you have not lost him you have gone back to worrying about the past. Over which you have no control.

  199.  #199Memulo on March 7, 2013 at 8:31 am

    I always have the hardest time letting go of the past.

    Heart, where are you moving? Is it a different city or a country? Have you lived thee before?

  200.  #200Femininewoman on March 7, 2013 at 8:52 am

    So I urge you to get into the practice of reframing your perspective. The next time you find yourself facing a situation which ordinarily would get your heart pumping, your negative mind chattering, and your insecurities shouting for attention, TAKE THE OBSERVER’S ROLE.

    In your mind’s eye, watch YOURSELF doing whatever it is you’re about to do, as if you are a
    bystander. Don’t imagine EXPERIENCING the situation first-hand. Focus on OBSERVING it.

    The more practice you get at this, the more relaxed and calm you will be. Your body will
    experience less stress and anxiety, both of which
    are harmful to your health. Your blood pressure will remain stable. Your energy levels won’t fluctuate so much. And your mindset will be that of a productive, happy, secure and confident woman.

    You’ll conquer your negative mind, and reveal your truest, most beautiful, calmest and most
    irresistible you!

    I’ll talk to you again in a few days.

    Your friend,

    Mirabelle Summers

    I have heard Dr. Paul Dobransky talk about being your own observer in Christian Carter’s From Casual to Committed program but this is the clearest form I have experienced it being described. This is part of NLP recommendation.

  201.  #201Femininewoman on March 7, 2013 at 8:59 am

    So for every year it took me to figure myself out as well as that romance-thing, here are 47 things to let go of or risk staying single:

    1. Blame
    2. Refusal to change
    3. Believing that men suck
    4. Harsh judgment (of yourself and others )
    5. Fantasy
    6. Your fear of rejection
    7. The need to be right
    8. Your 18-year-old attitudes and beliefs
    9. Anger
    10. Victimhood
    11. Believing you’re better off alone
    12. Shame
    13. The need for total control
    14. Waiting for perfection from him or from yourself
    15. Thinking you’re fine just the way you are
    16. Blaming the guy in front of you for what the last guy did

  202.  #202Tereana on March 7, 2013 at 9:32 am

    Ugh, violette, hugs!!!

    That totally sucks to be broken up with – especially when you knew that it wasn’t working for *you*! But it’s great that you’re taking this as a learning opportunity. Because it’s always an opportunity for…something. And heck, feminine or not, I think sometimes guys just pick up on the fact that they’re not the right ones for us and get out of the way – making room for awesome men who appreciate us to come in : )

    I hope that’s true for you!!

  203.  #203Femininewoman on March 7, 2013 at 11:57 am

    OMG BeLoved RE 69 now I am wondering about your Orgasmic Meditation. I found this TED talk about it

  204.  #204Daria on March 7, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    if you love good and bad, you’re gonna have good.

    so if you want to have good, love the bad.

    honor the dance, use movement of distance and effortless warmth

  205.  #205Violette on March 7, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    I’m going to a cafe to contemplate if I feel like reentering the dynamic with T, who called at 2am Mon night. He was a lot of work when we dated, pretty much wasn’t interested in observing my boundaries, and I voiced myself very very well, even when I was afraid of losing him. He calls late at night, always expects sex, doesn’t want a relationship, disappears. And is cuddly and adorable and somehow loveably messy. I found it so easy to fall into wanting him, even though he’s not the kind of guy I see myself with. I want to feel his body near, his physical closeness, knowing he desires me. But he is expensive to my energies, and chances are I could fall into being obsessed and not really being open to other men.

    Do I want that?

    I’m not dating anyone else now, and I feel a little lonely, and I don’t want to make any decisions out of that. Because I don’t want to waste too much energy on a man who doesn’t appreciate me. Who doesn’t satisfy me.

    And yet at this moment it feels so harmless to pick up the phone, and see what he has to say, as if I don’t already know. It’s not harmless. It’s a serious commitment! This no commitment guy is a serious commitment on my end! Hah hah…

  206.  #206Violette on March 7, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    I’m leaning towards not calling him. But I want to feel clear on it. I don’t want to feel like I’m sacrificing something or a martyr. I want to understand how to take amazing care of myself and set myself up for success.

  207.  #207Memulo on March 7, 2013 at 4:41 pm

    My cd cares about me, but then last night he came to make peace and he brought 1/3 of a wine bottle. Figured I don’t drink much..

  208.  #208Daria on March 7, 2013 at 6:14 pm

    Memulo – my heart radiates out to you !

  209.  #209Turquoise on March 7, 2013 at 6:42 pm

    I wish you’d move on beyond this guy. I don’t get why you want to be in this relationship…, talking about settling… What good are you getting here?

    I’ll admit I’ve “settled” for awesome sex, beautiful words and a great friendship, but these were guys who made me mostly happy, mostly satisfied. Please ask yourself what need he is filling or if its just a void. I can’t imagine you being happy with a greedy man. What’s the point here?

  210.  #210Elsie on March 7, 2013 at 6:55 pm

    HI all – ok I’ll go back and read but wanted to post a bit of an epilogue to the story and ask your advice again 🙂

    so the last couple of days have been nice, but after the wonderful moments on Tuesday – there havent been any huge connection moments, but we have talked a LOT….

    Anyway – he had said briefly on Tuesday that he wanted to be there for me and that maybe we could go out this weekend and started to think out loud about days/times, and I (ugh why did I do this) said….oh, no, dont worry, just if you can thats ok, but its ok if we cant…..and he hasnt brought it up since.

    Tomorrow is friday.

    I’m wondering if I should just say, you know, I’ve been thinking about what you said on Tuesday about how you wanted to be there for me even though you are going through this rough time, and it would feel good to spend time with you this weekend, so if you can swing it with your schedule, just let me know as soon as you know so I can get a sitter, etc.

    What do you think? Or do I just leave it alone and lean back?

    It would feel good to do something for the anniversary – just anything – just hang out……I really do think I want that – what do you guys think?

  211.  #211Emerson on March 7, 2013 at 7:39 pm

    So I’m realizing a lot of my “complaints” about exotic cd are totally self created and in a sense my fault for not staying boundaries and also for not bein able to state how I feel at tht moment….
    I’m realizing that about myself …
    I. Am uncomfortable situation I shut down and I don’t seem know what I feel in particular … I have a hard time checking in with myself, but about a day later I can articulate it…. Hmmm I hope I can speed up the process soon lol….

  212.  #212Memulo on March 7, 2013 at 7:51 pm


    I feel torn about this. I didn’t have many guys want me so much as he does. He wants to be with me, he calls and texts every day. I don’t feel as lonely because I know he is around and he cares. So many times I gave my heart to cold users (that is what I am to this guy by the way) and it never ended up well. For how many more years will I be alone and hopeful? I loved dumbcd, and he had quite a few strange and not so attractive things about him, but I understood him and loved them too. Where did that leave me?
    I resist my cd and am scared to be alone again at the same time.

  213.  #213Memulo on March 7, 2013 at 7:56 pm

    Elsie, I think there is nothing wrong about expressing what you want. It’s sad to always be waiting and hoping! it is unfair. If being together this weekend is what you want, why not to let him know. I mean – there is a limit to a sacrifice? If he can’t make it he will tell you. It’s ok and sometimes necessary to make things about you. It’s healthy!

  214.  #214Memulo on March 7, 2013 at 8:00 pm

    I am thinking – maybe no one could make me happy while I was still missing dumbcd?

    I once settled and married a guy without love. three years later I was running for the hills, though he was not bad to me and certainly did not want the marriage to end. But then for how long will I be chasing dreams?

  215.  #215Memulo on March 7, 2013 at 8:07 pm

    Emerson, for me it was fear. Nothing else. And a belief that if he is treating me a certain way I must have given him a wrong impression or that he is innocent and really likes me and by stopping him I am betraying his trust. Now i can’t even believe I had these feelings:) I can assure you they are very wrong. There is no question about putting a firm stop to an unappropriate behavior. Like one guy told me – ‘it is your body. You don’t have to do what I want you to do’. Because at the end of the day they don’t even care too much at that point. They are pushing for what they can get, that’s all. Not everyone, but some do. When you say no to them, they just stop and start to behave.

  216.  #216Indigo on March 7, 2013 at 9:30 pm


    If there is one thing I’ve learned in such situations, it’s the value of taking a few days, or however long you need, to get clear on what you want, where you are in your own life, what this does and doesn’t mean, so that if you decide to proceed you don’t get entangled and hurt.

    Best of luck to you! X

  217.  #217Emoticon on March 7, 2013 at 11:44 pm

    “I need to use the sink very early tomorrow morning, which is why I cleaned it BEFORE I went to bed. Im not cleaning it again, so unless you intend on waking up early tomorrow to clean up ur mess I suggest you do it now, or before you go to sleep. Thanks”

  218.  #218Emoticon on March 7, 2013 at 11:45 pm

    Not a FM, more like a slightly b*tchy FYI….. w/e ….. he irritates me

  219.  #219Emoticon on March 7, 2013 at 11:46 pm

    “Hey I cleaned the kitchen and the sink before i went to bed because i need to use it early tomorrow. Im not going to clean it again, but I need it clean by then.”

  220.  #220Emoticon on March 7, 2013 at 11:49 pm

    Hey you l@zy @$$ mother f*cker, ur mother doesnt live in this house so stop being n@sty and l@zy and clean up after ur d@mn self….. If you can’t get that done, i suggest you move back in with her!!

  221.  #221Emerson on March 7, 2013 at 11:50 pm

    Thanks memulo
    That helps
    I don’t like that it takes me so long to check in with myself. It feels loke others are able to get an advantage over me becuz of it…

    i feel like I’ve had this conversation before on here and here I am dealing with it again and I haven’t figured it out yet…how infuriating !!! F#ck!!

  222.  #222Emoticon on March 7, 2013 at 11:51 pm

    “Hey I cleaned the kitchen and the sink before i went to bed because i need to use it early tomorrow. Im not going to clean it again, but I need it clean by then.”

    -winning script

  223.  #223Emoticon on March 7, 2013 at 11:52 pm

    Now to execute without being aggressive….. wish me luck!

    *good luck Emoticon!* <3 😉

  224.  #224Emerson on March 7, 2013 at 11:53 pm

    Sounds good emoticon

  225.  #225Emoticon on March 7, 2013 at 11:54 pm

    So glad my mom raised my brothers to at least clean up after themselves….

  226.  #226Emerson on March 7, 2013 at 11:57 pm

    I feel sad
    I feel hopeless
    And that feels like fear in my stomach
    And I feel rage
    I feel frustrated
    I feel angry at my fluctuating confidence
    I feel exhausted by my fragile feelings
    I’m so sensitive
    I feeling I’m being taken advantage of at work
    I don’t know how to change that

  227.  #227Emoticon on March 7, 2013 at 11:58 pm

    DONE!! …… he agreed to clean it….what a relief!!!

  228.  #228Emoticon on March 7, 2013 at 11:59 pm

    Thank you Emerson, went well 🙂

  229.  #229Emerson on March 8, 2013 at 12:00 am

    Maybe if I was more “valuable” I’d be treated with more respect
    Perhaps if I was more “important,” then i would deserve not to be taken advantage of
    I’m tired of biting my tongue
    I know we have to sometimes, and I do, but when do I speak up? People talk hecka s#it about those who complain…why should i care?

  230.  #230Emoticon on March 8, 2013 at 12:00 am

    ((((((Emerson))))))) <3

  231.  #231Emerson on March 8, 2013 at 12:01 am

    227 yay emoticon !!!

  232.  #232Emoticon on March 8, 2013 at 12:03 am

    Emerson you *ARE* valuable and deserve respect, deserve to be treated like a goddess, deserve to get everything you want in a man and in a relationship.

    I believe that the people who get those things are those who believe they deserve it.

    Sometimes i feel that way too, especially when I see an exbf treating another girl better, but I realized it really doesnt men anything at all.

    YOU DESERVE IT. I strongly believe that you DO deserve it.

  233.  #233Emerson on March 8, 2013 at 12:03 am

    It’s so exhausting being around tired people at work… Always overworking themselves and saying they are tired expecting the rest to pick up slack. Hello ……we all have a lot going on I’m tired too but I don’t take advantage of my subordinates by slacking off and giving them all the work. I’m reallly over it !!!!

  234.  #234Emoticon on March 8, 2013 at 12:04 am


    not men lol

  235.  #235Emerson on March 8, 2013 at 12:04 am

    By overworking themselves I mean they have other jobs and arrive at work already so tied they are no help they are just taking up air

  236.  #236Emerson on March 8, 2013 at 12:05 am

    231 emoticon thank youuuuu
    I don’t know how to act like that…. I wish I did ….

  237.  #237Emoticon on March 8, 2013 at 12:10 am

    I finally feel a bit tired, but now i feel scared that I wont wake up early enough for my clients arrival lol

    neeed sleep…. goodnite Emerson

    goodnight Blog

    goodnight Sirens


  238.  #238Tereana on March 8, 2013 at 12:11 am

    I just want to share that I am feeling so safe, and loved, and warm and taken care of in my life right now. There are so many people helping me, and instead of feeling bad, I am able to receive it. It even feels like a blessing. This is huge! I few years ago, I probably would never have been able to accept this.

    And I am getting so much better at ASKING for help. This is also huge. I was really having fun with this tonight. I asked for little things I needed, and i didnt find them, but eventually i got creative with my own stuff. But I also asked for something today, and actually had someone THANK me for asking them. Wow! What a wonderful feeling.

    Today, I also started conversations with two men. One I felt drawn to for some reason I couldn’t explain. He had a girlfriend, but it was very pleasant talking to him. Then at the bus stop, I asked a man if the bus was coming, because my phone was dead & I couldn’t check. I couldn’t see his face, but when he turned around, he was REALLY cute!! Omg 🙂 happy, happy. He didn’t get my number and vice versa. But he, too, seemed happy that I asked him. And I felt right about the way everything happened. Hey, it’s a small city. There’s always a chance I might run into him again. Cutie!

    And a third guy I met the other day – really cute. I suspect already married and with kids. But still cute. And I can appreciate that. I am CDing in a way that feels good to me right now. Baby steps. Having big breakthroughs, but still taking baby steps…

  239.  #239Vi on March 8, 2013 at 3:39 am

    Dropping thoughts down into the pelvic feels scary. I feel like jelly. I feel like I’m abandoning myself, leaving myself without protection. That makes me feel frozen and hold my breath. And also – body sensations feel more tangible.. in my tummy arms and shoulders and face and legs.. I feel curious about body sensations. I feel afraid to find out smth might feel wrong too… it feels like hotness on the ears and cheeks and shoulders bending moving forward. I love my fesr. I feel better after acknowledging it. I love my shoulders trying to protect me.
    I intend to remember and practice this tool more often.

  240.  #240Vi on March 8, 2013 at 4:16 am

    I feel thankful to those who helped me to restore the internet connection. I feel supported. I feel happy to be back and I feel excited about connecting with people through it .
    I feel thankful to myself for the beauty procedures I have treated my skin and hair with. I feel loved. I feel good. I feel attended. I feel taken care of.
    I feel thankful to myself for doing EFT when MH got grumpy and I started to feel angry too. I feel smart and loving.
    I feel thankful to MH for helping me with laundry. It felt good and fun.
    I feel thsnkful to myself for negotiating a pay raise. I feel thankful to my partners and the Universe for they have accepted it. I feel glad and very good about myself. I feel like my ability to let abundance into my life is improving. Yay

  241.  #241Femininewoman on March 8, 2013 at 6:11 am

    Yyy You Vi.

  242.  #242Linda on March 8, 2013 at 6:47 am


    Revelations …

    FavoriteCD picked me up on his way to get his daughter to eat dinner with them. I saw where she lived. (I was quite surprised!) then… I saw his ex-wife when she walked his daughter out. (again I was quite surprised!)

    I imagined that his ex (who is remarried now) would live in an upscale home, be stunning etc. etc etc Reality did dispell all my vain imaginations. Interesting how our perceptions and imaginations create these beliefs that can be absolutely untrue.

    THere are so many times that I hear FavoriteCD say… you are beautiful…you are so sexy… and I had this little NV that acts like a interceptor and wisking away the words.

    After what I have realized and saw yesterday. I feel like the NV interceptor has been blown up! One of my other CD’s… (racecardriverCD) whom I do not see anylonger would always say… “you truely have your
    Sh!t together”….. even heard a friend of his say where did you find this amazing woman one time!!

    Today I feel released and self appreciative. I even feel beautiful and desirable. My vibe feels different even to me today! Feels amazing ! wow

  243.  #243Femininewoman on March 8, 2013 at 7:04 am

    I am worthy
    I am special
    I am passionately playful
    I am amazing love
    I create love
    I am powerful
    My passion is contagious
    I love my life

  244.  #244k2012 on March 8, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    Well ladies, good evening. I am finally here at the park. I am been here now for about an hour and will be leaving now as night descends. It’s very cool here and nice. Seems like I have to come earlier next time so I can stay longer. This will be a weekly event, definitely, particularly on a friday. I am catching up on the blog and heading home in a little while.

  245.  #245k2012 on March 8, 2013 at 3:53 pm

    Well I am leaving now to go home. After all the stress at work today, the park was definitely the place to de-stress and if I come here every week, I know I will meet someone. Lots of people are here. Some of them couples and some persons are sitting alone like myself. The best time to come it seems is a friday.

  246.  #246joan T on March 9, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    Thank you for your letter, How do I go weaken his
    heart, his birthday in July 24, he is a irish man, a leo
    the lion. He will be very hard man. Well I think he
    blame me for his bad luck, in 1978 I was invited to
    his sister birthday party, he bring a girlfriend named
    Patricia, I came with myself, but I met a guy there named David, he did not know Denny at all, so we started to talk , and dance. We just had fun. The whole
    night long. It was very difference with Denny and that
    girlfriend, he would not talk, or he was not happy.
    When I was dancing with David, Denny would again
    me, the dance floor was completely dark, put his
    eyes had a sparkle coming from them. Oh I found out this year he saw the same thing in my eyes. But
    it scared him. Everybody asked me how do I know
    that happened. Will I wanted to the restroom to
    take a brake, one of the doors where leaved opened
    ,because Denny’s girlfriend came out of the door, and real closes to my face, and said, She wanted me
    to stop!!!! All I was doing is having fun.

  247.  #247Micky on March 9, 2013 at 4:16 pm

    I’m 49, attractive, very active and still look and feel much younger than I am. I had some wonderful relationships when I was in my 20’s and early 30’s… fell in and out of love and never had an abusive, or untrusting relationship. I’ve never been someone who was on the marriage hunt, I always thought it would just happen and thought I would get married and have a family.

    I’m very in touch with my feelings and can usually sense a good, or bad situation as well as people. I’m comfortable with who I am, confident and independent.

    I like male companionship and men like me. I have several male friends and date a bit, but haven’t found myself very attracted, or impressed by, or wanting of someone in a long time. I do have sexual desires and am wanting of a companion and a loving relationship I just made a commitment to get out of an off again on again 2 year relationship with someone who never wanted a commitment. We had a very honest respectful relationship, which I seem to be good at 🙂 I do feel blessed to be able to have the type of relationship that is honest and respectful, but I seem to have more “friends with benefits” type of relationships that really aren’t what I’m looking for long term… I do enjoy them when I have them. I have no problem meeting men, but I can’t seem to get beyond the friendships, or I don’t find myself attracted to some of the amazing male friends that I do have, I just don’t feel the chemistry with them. The men I have felt chemistry with over the last 10 years, or so are ones that I had short lived relationships with, “friends with benefits” type relationships, or on again off again dating situations that lasted for 2 to 12 years. I’ve always known what the more casual dating relationships were and felt comfort in that. There was never one of them that I wanted more from, but I also want to find that person that I do want more from. I’ve always been a funloving person and love to chat and flirt, but not excessively. My sister says I’m too aloof and don’t let a man know when I’m interested in them. She also always tells me that they all like me. I know I’m also not good at stroking a mans ego, unless I’m really impressed by them… But it takes a lot to impress me!!

    I recently was in a community meeting and saw someone who did impress me, which felt so good!! He left early, so I didn’t get a chance to chat with him. I hope to see him again in one of these community meetings. There are other times when I catch a mans eye and there is an attraction, but I don’t know how to approach this situation comfortably. I want them to come to me, or learn how to go to them without seeming desperate etc…

    How do I find and approach the men that I may may have that chemistry with and make that connection?

    I don’t like going to bars, or big events, though I do go on occasion and do love to go hear live music. I have a hard time in crowds and parties where people are just getting drunk and don’t think I will meet someone that could be a lasting relationship through this activity. I’ve tried dating sites, but live in a small mountain ski town where there are a lot of boys, but not a lot of men. The sites seem to have people that I know and I’m not interested in, or ones that portray themselves as being something they are not and when meeting them I’m soooo disappointed. I don’t like spending time on the computer looking for dates and would rather be outside enjoying the activities that the Tahoe area has to offer, but I’m not meeting the quality men that I would like to be in a relationship with.

  248.  #248Femininewoman on March 14, 2013 at 11:01 am

    Hi Micky. You sound so upbeat and positive. Have you considered moving to some other city? I am with you on the bar scene. Online dating has been real fun though. I get opportunities to practice the Tools. Do you have any of Rori’s programs? Targetting Mr. Right, maybe?