Greta Hassel’s “The Fire And The Fragrance” Free Teleclass And Teleclass Series

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Hi – Greta Hassel is my fantastic July interviewee, and I wanted to let you know about her “Fire and Fragrance Teleconference Series for Women” coming up soon:

Join Greta Hassel, MFT, for her next 6 week The Fire and The Fragrance teleconference series on tools for creating more joy, pleasure and celebration in your Life and making Love last.

This 6 Week Teleseminarcreates the alignment of:

Your Power ~ Your Roots and Cleansing Fire to Activate your Vital Energy Body,
Your Passion ~
Your “Stem”, the conduit of your Feminine Sexual Essence, Will, Self-Love and Full Self-Expression, and
Your Purpose ~
Your Flowering and Fragrance Magnetizing You to Create Love and Intimacy!

  • Learn how to tune into your Aliveness every day
  • Be Grounded in the yumminess of your Being
  • Practice tools to ignite your Power, Passion & Purpose
  • Remove barriers to allowing Love into your Life
  • Learn essential skills for creating connection
  • Develop confidence for handling conflict situations
  • Access and amplify your unique Essence.

Here’s the basic info:

“The Fire and the Fragrance”
Six Consecutive Week Tele-seminar for Women

*****FREE Orientation Tuesday, July 12th, 6 -7:30 pm

6 Weeks – July 19 – August 23rd – 6 -7:30 pm.
Calls will be recorded if you miss a session.

For more details, and to get the info for the FREE class on Tuesday, July 12th at 6 – go to www.gretahassel.com

I really love Greta – so go check out her free class on Tuesday – I’ll be calling in, too…

Love, Rori

422 Comments

  1.  #1Kathhherine on July 6, 2011 at 7:22 am

    It sounds very interesting !

    I want to share something with you and I want to know what do you think about it.

    Im in an exclusive relationship for 4 months now, everything was good with him, I can felt we were connected, what happened was I sent on Family vavations for three weeks, during that time we where in touch, everything was good, I was doing all the exercises



  2.  #2Kathhherine on July 6, 2011 at 7:27 am

    I was doing all the exercises from have the relationship you want because I rally want a commitment! But when I arrived, we see each other, had a great night, then a great day… And then he just desappear ! I was just no waiting to be surprised… As I should, and yesterday he texted to me

    Saying: I know I have been distant during last days



  3.  #3Kathhherine on July 6, 2011 at 7:32 am

    The truth is I have been thinking in a lot of things inclufing us. I dont want you to think I just desappear, lets mete this week to talk, do you have time?

    Its sounds to me like he os going to finjan whatever we have. Im in Love with him, but im not sure about what os going to happen !

    I cant sleep last night thinking about that… What do you think ?

    What



  4.  #4Femininewoman on July 6, 2011 at 9:00 am

    Thanks.



  5.  #5Nini on July 6, 2011 at 11:34 am

    Tomorrow is my presentatin
    I am freaking out 🙂
    Pray pray pray pls
    Love
    Nini



  6.  #6Plum on July 6, 2011 at 11:55 am

    Niniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
    🙂 🙂 🙂
    I loooooove it when you worry for your presentation, it feels fertile, it feels like celebration to life, it feels like fire crackers
    I love you
    In which city are you?

    Can you email me? The adress is

    alicia

    51000

    at

    gmail

    dot

    com

    No space in between of course 😉

    xxx



  7.  #7Nini on July 6, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    Plum
    I love you toooooooooooooooooo.
    Have sent u a mail.
    🙂
    Nini



  8.  #8Greta on July 6, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    Hi Kathhherine.
    It sounds like you have been in a relationship that is
    important to you ~ I wanted to respond and needed clarification … did you mean, “he is going to finish whatever we have”? (going to finjan whatever we have) Were there any other indicators besides his recent distance – which he says he wants to clarify – leading you to conclude that? Hold on to your personal power and all that you bring to this relationship. Come to that meeting with him grounded in your feminine essence. Listen openly. Relationships at four months can bring out more honesty and refinement. Let us know what happens! Warmly, Greta



  9.  #9The_Diva on July 6, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    Hi Kathhherine,

    I was hoping for some clarification as well, I would say when you meet with him ( & prior to meeting with him) to repeat this mantra I heard recently:

    Whatever happens, happens
    If its meant to be, it will be
    If it doesn’t happen, it wasn’t meant to be

    Relax into the fact that you will be ok no matter what.

    Keep us informed & let us know what happens 🙂



  10.  #10The_Diva on July 6, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    While I am repeating this mantra to myself for my own situation, I would love to hear some thoughts on this one. I have mentioned this man in a previous thread.

    This is on how to handle it you get involved with a colleague. I recently approached this man about bartering music lessons with him. We started to do that, & the sparks just flew, I mean, off the charts, baby!

    Well, weve hung out a few times, Im trying to keep myself level about it, but Im finding myself falling for him. At the same time, Im finding our communication is happening less & less frequently. Aside from my romantic feelings, I’ve text his a few times to asking if we were going to have a lesson this week/what his week is looking like. Ive gotten nothing.

    This would be totally unacceptable in a romantic setting. I dont do well being ignored, I tend to just walk. But for business purposes, I really think I need to address if/when I speak to him again that if we need to cancel/reschedule, I need to know about it. I mean, this is just common courtesy, even in a relationship as dry/surface as that of a business relationship.

    If and when it comes up, I also think we need to probably keep our relationship strictly professional. Dont think I’d much want him in a romantic way if thats how he acts when the stakes go up

    Anyway, trying to get a handle on this juggling of feelings/boundaries. What would some thoughts be on something like this?



  11.  #11Wildflower on July 6, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    Sirens I need your advice! If a guy specifically emails and asks you for your availability (which in my opinion is very gentlemanly) and you email him back and someone else asks in the meantime do you just tell the second guy the same availability or do you wait for the first guy to respond first (since it seems fair since he asked first and he’s probably at work rather than glued to his email). If you don’t wait and they both end up choosing the same day do you say to the first guy, “oops I feel really disappointed while I was waiting for your email someone else asked me to do something and I didn’t want to say no so now I”m not available that day. I would feel happy and excited to get together one of the other days I mentioned. What do you think?”

    I want to have a high level of “difficulty” but I don’t want to be ridiculous and unreasonable. What do you sirens think? Thank you!!



  12.  #12Daria on July 6, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    Wildflower – give them both your availability

    If you’re booked by the time he gets back to you say something like

    ‘oops I feel embarrased… I already wound up making sone plans then since we last talked. It would feel great to see u! I’m free on …. ‘



  13.  #13Daria on July 6, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    The diva – hey , it seems youre thinking and working too hard here.

    If you got romantic feelings for this man… I would prioritize that and stop working with him (unless you can’t due to work reasons) especially if he’s not the one pursuing meetings

    I would say I feel unconfortable as I have romantic feelings and am feeling confused. What does he think?

    I woul NOT ignore or minimize my feelings



  14.  #14Greta on July 6, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    A further thought ~ Any relationship not moving forward can be traced to an ‘unmet need’. After you balance your chakra’s and are fully grounded in your yummy goddess self – you know this, yes? – listen and be curious what if there is a need, or unmet need in the relationship. If there is an honest exchange, you may creatively co-create a win-win together.



  15.  #15tinque on July 6, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    Announcement – My newly redesigned site is now LIVE!!! YAY!!!

    xxoo



  16.  #16Rusty on July 6, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    On Second Thought, Don’t Get Married

    Dr. Neil Clark Warren

    Founder and Chairman of eHarmony, Clinical Psychologist, Author

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-neil-clark-warren/on-second-thought-dont-ge_b_888874.html



  17.  #17Lilybelle on July 6, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    Tinque~

    I went, I visited, I loved.

    Congratulations!



  18.  #18tinque on July 6, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    Oh yay and thank you Lilybelly…xxoo



  19.  #19Ice Princess on July 6, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    I can’t read him. I don’t know how he feels about me anymore. I wish I could move on but I know something will happen to bring me back and give me hope. I don’t want to give someone the ability to hurt me anymore, but I can’t just throw something away when 6 people (there are 4 kids involved which is really making me sad more for them than for me) are hurting because of this! I want so badly to call him and ask him what his thoughts are, but I know that is not a healthy choice for me. So, What do I do/say when he contacts me next???



  20.  #20Soul Sista on July 6, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    tinque ~ you look so beautiful in the video!! i love how you did your hair…i’m running out the door but i will finish watching when i get back and post it on my FB page tomorrow 🙂 xoxoxoxo

    and i can’t wait for this teleclass!



  21.  #21FlowerChild77 on July 6, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    Tinque..I posted on the other thread, too. When I right-click your name I only get a page that says it’s in maintenance mode. How do I get to your new site?



  22.  #22Daisy on July 6, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    Does anyone know an excercise/tool I can use to boost self-confidence? I have a date this weekend with a new guy that I met online and have been e-mailing for about two weeks. He’s taking me to an upscale restaurant and, honestly, that’s pretty new to me. In the past, my men have done the very least necessary to get me connected, but this guy seems different. I’m struggling with staying connected to my own value. I keep telling myself, “this is what you’ve deserved all along,” and “you deserve to be treated like a prize.” but then, the NVs come in and say that as soon as he meets me he’s going to regret his decision to spend so much money on a first date.

    I have moments of belief in myself, but they are fleeting and I want to be able to hold onto them and walk into that date feeling confident and deserving so that I can be present with him, rather than battling my NVs through the whole evening.

    Thoughts?



  23.  #23snowqueen on July 6, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    Hi Daisy,

    How about this from one of Rori’s e-newsletters. It’s one of my favourites:

    ———————————————

    The Tool is PAINT YOURSELF IN LOVE. It sounds kind of fanciful, but it’s actually very practical.

    Here’s what I was doing with this man that pushed him away, and what you’re likely doing that isn’t working for you:

    I looked at him as a man I wanted and didn’t want to lose.

    I looked at him as HOLDING something I wanted.

    I looked at his face, his body, all of him – and I didn’t really see HIM – I only saw what it was I WANTED from him.

    And so I moved, thought, acted, spoke and felt FAST.

    It was as though every moment was a piece of my storybook idea of “relationship.”

    I had decided that since he was “beneath me,” he was EASY.

    I thought that I could have whatever I wanted from him, because that’s what he said, and that’s what my FRIENDS said.

    But, truthfully, I didn’t believe it.

    I felt lower than low on the totem pole of life and love – and I just felt LUCKY to have him around at all.

    I was looking to him to make everything – including ME – okay.

    Now, I want you to look at your man – in your imagination – and experience how you feel when you look at him. Imagine he’s WATCHING YOU, and he’s Leaning Forward to you.

    Do you feel longing and pining?

    Is it like a clenching in your heart, a sort of silent begging him to stop all his nonsense and just make everything Okay?

    And, can you feel your heart and your mind moving fast, trying to cut all the corners and just close the deal?

    Just get it all squared away, finalized – OKAY?

    Well, it’s this energy – the VIBE – that pushes a man away.

    And, no matter how hard we try to keep it under control, he can feel it.

    Even if it’s not strong enough to actually push him away – it will KEEP him away.

    It will keep the relationship in a stuck place, where the ATTRACTION just isn’t strong enough to push him over the edge – into falling in love and feeling intensely devoted to you forever.

    Creating this kind of attraction is sort of magical.

    It requires you getting out of that mind set where your man holds some kind of “keys” to your happiness – and putting the keys in your OWN hands.

    And it requires an ATTENTION to DETAILS.

    So – here’s where “Painting” comes in – try this:

    1. Take a cup of water and go outside to a tree, or a bush, or a flower, or a statue.

    2. Now – you’re going to use your fingers for a “brush” – so dip your finger into the water, and then “Paint” the tree, or the flower or statue or the leaf, with the water – very, very slowly and carefully – watching every single stroke you make, FEELING every single stroke you make, noticing every single tiny bit of the tree bark, or the flower petal, or the leaf.

    Go so slowly that you feel like you’re going in slow motion – and make sure you’re AWARE of every second that passes – and that ALL your attention is on the water going onto the tree, the flower, the piece of fruit hanging from a branch.

    Pretend the water is LOVE, and you’re painting this tree trunk, branch, fruit, flower, statue, with LOVE – literally.

    3. Now, imagine your man is standing in front of you.

    Put yourself in the Rori Raye Dance Position (to get walked through the Dance Position and how to use it everywhere, all the time so you’ll be an “Invitation” to your man, it’s in my Commitment Blueprint program):

    http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/CommitmentBluePrint

    …for now, Lean Back, open (“Unzip”) your heart, arms down, palms out, focus on your pelvis, relax your shoulders, smile.

    Imagine him just STANDING THERE, smiling at you.

    Feel what you feel.

    Now –

    4. Go to a mirror and while you’re watching your reflection in the mirror, Paint Yourself.

    Paint Yourself exactly the way you did the tree trunk or the flower or leaf or statue.

    Touch yourself gently and lovingly, and experience each stroke as if it were magical.

    Pay attention to what you see and what you feel.

    Paint each hair, each tiny bit of your face, your shoulders, your whole naked body if you have the time.

    If you have only a short bit of time (please do this Tool often)- really focus in on the detail of one small part of you – your eyelashes, your forehead…your shoulder…your mouth.

    Keep breathing, keep Leaning Back, keep stroking yourself slowly, carefully – each tiny detail.

    Pay attention to yourself – really get into this process of Painting Yourself With Love – moment by moment.

    Now…

    5. Imagine your man, or an imaginary man is standing next to you.

    Imagine he’s watching you.

    Let him watch you slowly and lovingly Paint Yourself With Love.

    Imagine him standing there, smiling, leaning forward, and watching you Paint Yourself With Love – and imagine he is MESMERIZED (because he certainly would be if you were to Love Yourself like this in his presence in real life…)

    Now…

    6. Carry this image and this experience around with you EVERYWHERE.

    Imagine yourself painting yourself WHEREVER you are – in the market, at the drugstore, in the restaurant – and EVERY MOMENT you’re with your man – and…this is important…

    EVEN IF he’s not even looking at you.

    EVEN IF he seems to be distracted.

    EVEN IF you can feel yourself being jealous or upset or hurt by what he’s doing or not doing.

    Imagine him WATCHING you Paint Yourself With Love, and imagine EVERYONE in the place ADMIRING you for Painting Yourself.

    Imagine everyone wanting to touch you and stroke you or take out a brush and Paint You With Love.

    How does that FEEL?

    What makes this Tool so powerful is that it’s so SPECIFIC.

    It’s something you can imagine in great DETAIL, and that you can experience emotionally.

    So – how will this make you more attractive to him on a deep, emotional level?

    Because a man is NOT INTERESTED in experiencing you loving HIM.

    He’s interested in experiencing you loving YOURSELF when HE’S loving YOU!

    He’s completely captivated by a woman who is so trusting of him, so open to him, that she could experience her deepest pleasure when she’s with him.

    And this is what you want to do.

    You will wrap him around your little finger, and activate your powerful Inner Siren if you can LOVE YOURSELF in HIS PRESENCE.

    He will be “blown away,” and never, ever want to step away from you.

    If you’d like to know how this works, and be walked through the most powerful Tools imaginable to make this happen for yourself – try out my Modern Siren program.

    You ARE a Siren. We’ve all just forgotten that we are, and we’ve been sold a lie that we are somehow “lucky” to be chosen by a man.

    Nothing could be further from the truth.

    Even in a town where women outnumber men, as a Siren – you have absolutely NO COMPETITION at all.



  24.  #24Ella on July 6, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    RaaaaARRR



  25.  #25Daisy on July 6, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    Thank you, SnowQueen. I know I’ve read that before, but forgot. It’s exactly what I need!



  26.  #26Daria on July 6, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    I’m feeling lonely

    Hawkman is just texting he misses me and then stopped

    I miss him so much!

    I feel rageful at him that he’s not beating down my door

    I feel amazed at myself and my power to create this scenario

    I love me!

    I want to feel good and happy and loved!

    And that would feel like chest opening and eyes brightening and pelvis feeling warm

    I love my feelings!



  27.  #27FlowerChild77 on July 6, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    Tinque—I got it–went to my e-mail and clicked on the link. I’m so excited! Going to read your latest article and check out the site. 🙂



  28.  #28Daria on July 6, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    Snowqueen wow thank you. I’ve bern feeling just like Rori describes in the e letter. So I’m keeping him away.

    I love me. I’m painting myself w love and it feels different!



  29.  #29Ella on July 6, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    Urghhh, I wish I hadn’t been so scared with J.

    I feel sh7t. Like he was one of the only ones who knew how to approach me properly and I scared him off by being so STUPID and INSECURE and letting my NVs out and telling him my silly negative feelings after 1 meeting.

    Of course that would scare him off.

    I am such a mug.

    Need strong arms.



  30.  #30Ella on July 6, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    Feel so hurt.

    I can’t fix me anymore.

    I feel like I HATE men!



  31.  #31Ella on July 6, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    Waaaaaa Vampire Scream…

    FMs so don’t work on all men.

    Likle when the brother of the man I slept with is trying to booty call me and I am like ‘Nooo I feel Furious!!!’ and he is like ‘ok’ and then I said woul feel better if he appraoched me properly.

    Why did I even say that? should of just told him to F off!

    I feel angry, scared and alone.

    And this fem energy, leanback thing is B,sh8t, doesn’t work, u just get ignored and left out to feel like weirdo.

    I am going to go back to making an effort.

    I just want to be ME F8ck it!!



  32.  #32Ice Princess on July 6, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    I told LP when he called that his neighbor posting on all of his fb statuses makes me feel bad. Now, I feel bad for even saying that, for being so vulnerable, for letting him know that I have bad feelings when he “lets” these things go on. Did I make a mistake? Did this push him away more?



  33.  #33Daria on July 6, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    My mom is not feeling well and I feel grieved seeing her like this

    I feel hepless and angry

    And so so sad



  34.  #34Ice Princess on July 6, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    Maybe not because he did ask if I could come over and hang out after I said that.



  35.  #35FlowerChild77 on July 6, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    Oh, Tinque!!! It’s beautiful! 🙂 Some of your archived posts are just what I need to read right now….giving me lots to consider and process inside. Thank you <3



  36.  #36Ella on July 6, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    Don’t know why I feel so angry… maybe is cus I feel like a worthless no good druggie ho who is not good enough for the real people and can no longer connect with the other no good druggie losers…

    Grrrw

    And maybe cus my ex who was supposed to be marrying me is marrying someone else cus I am no good.

    Uccck.

    No one is ever gonna love me or accept me for me.

    Accept maybe me.

    Feel scared. Can’t say who I am and the people who I care about think I am worthless cus I had sex the other day (for the first time in months) grrr why am I explaining.

    Hate this right now.

    Feel fury.

    Can’t even say.

    No wonder J didn’t want me, or anyone else.

    Hate them all.

    And housemate dude and his g,friend.

    I am so insignificant.

    I am nothing.

    Nothing real anyway, in the real world.

    This stuff doesn’t work. Feels like bull right now.

    Feel hateful.



  37.  #37tinque on July 6, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    Sending you so much love Ella – xxoo



  38.  #38tinque on July 6, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    Thank you Flowerchild and feels so good to resonate with you.

    xxoo



  39.  #39Mel on July 6, 2011 at 6:09 pm

    Looks beautiful Tinque (as do you)! 🙂



  40.  #40Daria on July 6, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    Hawkman is still texting stuff like ‘so u don’t wana talk to me?’

    I’m like huh?

    The tools are really helping me stay sane.

    I’m using the I’ma magnet and the paint Muself w love tool



  41.  #41Ella on July 6, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    Daria,

    Is there a specific tool for ‘I’m a magnet’?



  42.  #42Butterfly wings on July 6, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    Oops Emerson! I posted a response in the previous thread at #381! Hope you’re still feeling better!
    xx



  43.  #43tinque on July 6, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    Thank you Mel, so sweet. How are you doing? If you want to talk tomorrow or Friday, I’m available. On me of course.

    xxoo



  44.  #44FlowerChild77 on July 6, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    (((Ella))) I am certainly in no position to give any advice, but I want you to know that I totally understand how you feel right now. (I don’t feel the anger–but the ‘not good enough’ part…and the frustration and feeling like it’s never going to change for me.)

    You are making such amazing progress. I think “this stuff” does work. We don’t win every battle–but we win the war (against ourselves.) I honestly don’t think that anything you said or did (or didn’t) is the reason J’s behavior disappointed you.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if he comes back at some point. Remember back in school when we learned/knew that boys develop/mature more slowly than girls do? Think of it that way….that he just might not be mature enough to know how to date a Siren yet 😉

    I know some of my feelings come from the fact that I tend to tie my feelings of self-worth together with whether or not a man loves me. I know it’s wrong and not a good way to think/feel…but I freely admit it’s the truth about me. I sense that you may have this going on with yourself also. 🙁

    Be kind to yourself and know that you’re not alone in your feelings. <3



  45.  #45Emerson on July 6, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    33 @ Daria
    Sorry about your Mom and hope she feels better soon….
    hugs to you both,
    Emerson



  46.  #46Emerson on July 6, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    Ella, I can hear you are frustrated and you are not insignificant at all….maybe certain people are being weeded out of your circle to make way for new and better friends….perhaps you’ve grown and evolved beyond those you were used to hanging around with, and cannot relate to them because you passed them up and you are on to better things…what do you think?
    hugs,
    Emerson



  47.  #47Mel on July 6, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    Hey Tinque,

    Feeling pretty crappy actually. Sometimes I think the universe has a pretty f-ed up sense of humor.

    Yesterday he told me that he doesn’t even want to do a trial separation. Took his wedding ring off and came home to tell me he’s just done.

    Today he gets a high paying job offer.

    I WANT to be happy for him… but it feels like salt in an open wound.

    I feel like I have absolutely NO option that I’d be really happy doing, that I have to leave a marriage that I really wanted to save, that I’ll possibly be homeless/unemployed for a while… and here is the sunshine smiling down on him.

    I don’t wish him ill. I still love him. But I feel like I really need something… ANYTHING good to manifest itself for me.



  48.  #48Emerson on July 6, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    I understand Ella when you say you feel insignificant…I spent 4th of July by myself, which is kind of odd, since I have a lot of friends etc…but everyone is busy doing stuff with families etc.

    I felt a bit insignificant on Monday and I was glad it was over. I’m like the opposite of the rest of America, I’m GLAD when holiday weekends are over and I can get back to routine. 🙁

    For example, now I would feel better if one of my CDs reached otu and made plans with me to look forward to…but i know that is pitching me into lean forward mode and I don’t want that. I struggle with it though. I know to feel the feelings of want and frustration and sink into them, but then they don’t always go away or shift or resolve…and I feel like I’m stuck in a circle of trying to avoid leaning forward….i’ts not easy.

    I feel overwhelmed sometimes. I like what snowqueen posted in 23. maybe I will try it tonight when i get home. 🙂



  49.  #49Emerson on July 6, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    But Ella neither you nor I are insignificant. I think perhaps we are just in between and I struggle with patience and the motivation to continue working on myself versus reaching our for someone else to help me feel better…that’s my take on it…
    hugs to you



  50.  #50Mel on July 6, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    Tinque… I am home tomorrow. Working from home, thank god because I barely managed to get through the day today.

    So if you have time for a chat… maybe that might help me to turn some of this negative energy around.



  51.  #51Wildflower on July 6, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    Daria thank you for your help!



  52.  #52AmazingMe on July 6, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    I really love to see Sirens encouraging and being there for one another. It makes me inspired to reach out and give feedback, yet I am sometimes timid to do so. I read Ella’s comments about her thoughts on herself and though I know she is just venting, I want to reach out to you. You are so amazing and no matter drugs, alcohol, whatever you struggle in life may be, you are a human being. We are not perfect, we have our flaws but that makes us no better than the next person. You are so much more than worth it and the sooner you see that inside of you that will project to others. I am not the best to give advice but I am putting in my two cents because I have felt the exact same way from time to time. You are not alone and sometimes it is nice to hear people go through a lot of the same things and can relate and comfort eachother. I have learned a lot from your experiences and feel blessed for you to have shared with us! I definately was stuck thinking I needed a man to make me happy. In fact when people closest to me would tell me that I would get angry and say that is not me. It wasn’t until my major wake up call of life’s trials and I found Rori and you Sirens to snap out of it. I slip up from time to time but we are human, right?! Well sirens I want to say thank you and I am always here reading and learning though i rarely comment. I am addicted to this blog so it is my new crack..haha, just feels good to be here!



  53.  #53Emerson on July 6, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    52 @ amazing me
    Its great to have you here 🙂



  54.  #54Nikita on July 6, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    How soon can I sleep with this hottie.?
    I met him a week ago and I’m just mad for him.



  55.  #55Simply Shannon on July 6, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    Tinque, I LOVE your new site and I LOVE seeing you speak! Wow. What a gift. I feel connected to you. Thank you! That felt amazing to watch. <3



  56.  #56Soul Sista on July 6, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    hi ladies ~ check this out…so while i’m spending a little time with my mom again in the middle of friggin’ nowhere (she’s in NYC right now but she’ll be back..she recently lost her husband of 25 years and a son 2 months ago) i was like to myself…welp, awesome men will fly to come see me and take me out!

    and GUESS WHAT? i got a msg from a guy who is flying his plane to come take me out to lunch Saturday!

    woo hoo!



  57.  #57Daria on July 6, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    soooo feeling soo thrilled… listening to teh intro of the love scripts program

    window open hearing a doggie bark outside feels so … alive in the moment and YES this is how life feels delicious (reminds me of growing up in Romania and feeling thrilled to overwflowing with life)

    Hawkman is texting me love

    i am feeling centered on me

    i am loving me

    yes yes yes

    EFT resistance to change video shifts my vibe so much

    i feel excited



  58.  #58Daria on July 6, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    Nikita – I almost slept with a man on a first date on the 4th of july!

    do it when you know you feel good and its alla bout you



  59.  #59Daria on July 6, 2011 at 9:45 pm

    Tinque – feeling inspired by your site! just like i wanted mine to be!

    love to you!



  60.  #60kaitlyn on July 6, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    I’ve been busy with work and today’s day off was beauty day for me. More like restoration day! I had leg hair lasered off. Five more treatments to go…yay me.

    And just checked my FB. I’m shocked. Adam put LIKE on a few of my pics and my status update ‘Having a Siren-esque day walking in the canyon and feeling fly.’

    Alrighty, should I comment back? And comment on his new career development on his page? I’d like to. Or is that too leany forward for such small effort on his part?



  61.  #61kaitlyn on July 6, 2011 at 10:06 pm

    Ctaching up on the internet. TINQUE, your site looks amazing and I love the red.



  62.  #62kaitlyn on July 6, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    A guy I met the other day called me back. I’m feeling ‘meh’ about him even though he’s my type looks-wise and smart.



  63.  #63kaitlyn on July 6, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    I have to admit I am envious Adam is in Germany and posting ‘these are the best days of my life’ and is making all sorts of career developments there. I’m worried these fb LIKES he gives me will just be all he gives.



  64.  #64Emerson on July 6, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    63 Kaitlyn
    It’s almost like being haunted/obsessed with the thoughts.
    I had a friend tell me the other day to try to have NO EXPECTATIONS from the guys I meet online or the divorced guy or the dad of 3…and I thought about that for a long time. It was kind of harder than I thought. It sounds simple. I tried it the next day and it was very freeing. I keep having to remind myself though.

    Not like I’m posting some groundbreaking concept here, but I thought I’d share that with you.

    hugs,
    Emerson



  65.  #65Emerson on July 6, 2011 at 10:40 pm

    Tinque, I just checked out your site. It looks amazing and so do you! Very cool!! 🙂



  66.  #66Emerson on July 6, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    Aww Tinque I LOVE the roses…



  67.  #67kaitlyn on July 6, 2011 at 10:50 pm

    63 thanx, emerson. i just get bored. i like my men uber smart and with some skeletons in the closet. tell me you went to harvard and you’ve smoked more drugs in hotel rooms with hookers than marion barry, you’re on.



  68.  #68Emerson on July 6, 2011 at 10:55 pm

    You are funny Kaitlyn! 🙂



  69.  #69kaitlyn on July 6, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    Tips on my #60, ladies and gents?



  70.  #70Emerson on July 6, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    60 @ Kaitlyn
    I would not reply or comment.

    I think it may trigger an expectation for a reply, and if that doesn’t happen, how will you feel?

    It’s kind of feeding into the obsession loop, IMO.

    He’s giving crumbs of hitting “like” and you reply, hoping for more crumbs.

    So I say leave it alone to stop the circle of contact him, wait for him to contact me, finally get a crumb, then respond, then wait for another reply…ugh.

    Does that sound brutal?



  71.  #71Nikita on July 6, 2011 at 11:26 pm

    58: Daria says:

    Nikita – I almost slept with a man on a first date on the 4th of july!

    do it when you know you feel good and its alla bout you

    oh yes….something must be in the air…..he keeps being a total gentleman and its really turning me on beyond belief-(read; carrying my bag, opening doors,picking up the tab, and giving me cash for a taxi home,and being insanely hot-like effing ridiculously hot…its kinda retarded



  72.  #72Nikita on July 6, 2011 at 11:28 pm

    what’s funny is 70% of my friends think he is NOT hot at all…..and I’M all like: whaaaa? he is effing gorgeous!!!!



  73.  #73Daria on July 6, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    im feeling shaky

    am talking with Hawkman, and it feels nice… but…

    i expected him to coem see me every chance he got

    and he seems like he wasnt really even thinking/planning on it.. till i started saying i dont want a man who doesnt come see me

    and hes still saying he loves me, and wants me to be with him

    but i feel… insecure

    im feeling … afraid

    im feeling a bit sad a bit bad

    and im like i feel unimportant

    he said he’ll ‘try to see me probably on sunday’

    but im like… what about tomorrow?

    i dont want to get in his business – tho my mind is, its guessing at, maybe he doesnt have enough money tomorrow, maybe he’s been seeing another woman… i just got That thought 5 min ago –

    when he said the sex was the best he had in a while

    but before he said it was the best in his LIFE

    well i just dont feel very good!

    hes gonna call me right back now he says…

    and im still feeling weird

    my heart feels weird and

    i don’t know what to do to take care of me right now!

    i did share a lot of stuff…

    like how i feel like im throwing myself at his knees and i dont want to feel that way

    or how i feel not important

    and i said “prove it” when he said he loves me… i always wanted to say that

    even though its directive lol and i told him i always wanted to say it

    well

    i feel like just pushing him away now

    like telling him EFF u if youre not wanting to see me TOMORROW

    youre not showing enough effort

    and he was like hes botherd about the 40 min walk from the bus stop

    im like i do it everyday

    hes like yeah thats you though youre used to it

    i said i feel like im not worht the walk and that doesnt feel good

    i AM worth the walk and i dont want to feel that way

    he says i AM worth it, that he will see about making something happen before i leave

    but

    THIS IS ALL NOT REALLY ENOUGH FOR ME RIGHT NOW!

    where was the man that was practically beating my door down and was ready to see me right after he got off his program (and he DID try … when it got all bungled about the time)

    i feel pist still

    i feel less important

    i feel mistrustful

    i feel … not happy

    i don’t know how to share this

    i don’t know whats insecurity and whats tolerating right now

    im thinking… what if another man comes and takes the sunday spot?

    i dont want to give this up

    i feel furious

    i cant believe this motherfuchker doesnt care about seeing me before i leave!!

    and i had sex with him!

    i feel like i have to “get back” my “investment” of feelings

    even he said, you Do love me (huh?) wow

    and he said, you sound like you’re attached

    maybe that’s pushing him away

    i don’t know

    i do know that i want to feel centered on ME again

    and i feel annoyed that my other prospective lover didnt follow through either

    wow

    i seriously don’t know what to do

    i know what to say to other people

    but right here i feel blinded by hot energy storms

    anyone?

    how do i get back to feeling powerful and adored



  74.  #74Daria on July 6, 2011 at 11:33 pm

    NIKITA _ HELP MEEE



  75.  #75Daria on July 6, 2011 at 11:37 pm

    this is not enough for me… i feel like im taking crumbs…

    but at the same time, he IS coming back, saying he will make plans

    warm and open?

    i feel terrified and like running… well like Kciking him like a soccer ball

    HA

    feel the wrath of making me feel like i cant have adoration

    you dont think im worth you taking risks and effort to see me?

    well then

    DIE MOTHAFUCHKA!!!

    or

    just get lost and never get close to the queen again!

    i feel wrathful and punishing

    i haven’t felt this triggered (or this attached to a man) in a while

    i know im learning new things

    this is all just practice

    but i feel TRIGGEREED

    and uncomfortable

    i betcha i would NOT be feeling this way without having had sex with him

    i would be not giving a FUCHK

    i would prbably be missing his calls right now and not answering them

    well

    i can do that

    fuchk him right?

    i don’t have to tell him i decided to say fuchk him

    i can just say fuchk him to myself

    but what if i AM going to get love?

    thats’ what im supposed to assume, that im gonna get love and that he loves me and is giving to me

    i don’t care that you might come to see me sunday

    i want to hear about how you can’t wait to see me tomorrow when you havea few hours

    wtf

    help me someone sane help me!!!



  76.  #76kaitlyn on July 6, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    Daria,

    Maybe he’s busy tmrw. Even if his idea of busy is having a day to himself to do nothing. You’ll be ok, babe.



  77.  #77Nikita on July 6, 2011 at 11:43 pm

    um, I’d hold out for the guy that can come scoop me up 🙂
    and I’m ok with that 🙂
    fu—K that walk..now it’s a non-mutha-aeffin factor .

    see, win/win



  78.  #78Nikita on July 6, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    i’m in major lioness mode tho-



  79.  #79Emerson on July 6, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    Daria said
    “how do i get back to feeling powerful and adored”

    Daria the first thing that came to mind was how you always say things like:

    thank you Daria for washing my face

    thank you Daria for getting me water

    thank you Daria for brushing my hair….

    taking care of you and cherishing you….
    thats what YOU do…

    and it’s beautiful…

    Also, the message that keeps resonating in my head is to have NO EXPECTATIONS….it’s so freeing, yet not that easy to do….



  80.  #80Nikita on July 6, 2011 at 11:46 pm

    and open the car door for me 😉



  81.  #81Emerson on July 6, 2011 at 11:46 pm

    Daria I would be irritated too with the excuses like “the walk is too far” etc….

    It sounds like you did a good job of voicing your feelings and being authentic with feeling messages etc….



  82.  #82Daria on July 6, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    im WAITING AROUDN FOR HIM AND ITS A TURN OFF TO HIM!

    and it feels horrible to me

    how about

    hey, i felt so good the way i felt before that argument, and i want to feel that way again… and im not feeling that way now…

    im feeling way attached to you and i feel better not talking to you at all unless its a plan for a date

    thats what i really want to say

    well no

    i really want to say

    i feel FURIOUS that you are not beating my door down trying to see me tomorrow and every spare minute you have!!

    /*****

    is it game playing if i stop answering his calls?

    and texts?

    ***
    thought: he will just leave me … but he got my sex

    i blessed him with my sex and now he gets to walk off with it

    wtf

    no no no

    i feel invested due to my sex

    i mean yeah it was his sex too

    whew! sex feels triggering!!!

    i really just want to forget about him

    i feel mad at myself for ‘losing’ sex… for having sex

    i want to heal this

    i feel like i should get “more” since i had sex

    i want to pretend i DIDNT have sex, and i cant…

    i feel that “hot desperate energy”

    of clinginess

    i remember that feeling with guywho

    when i felt a lot of upset

    and like hypnotized while feeling this hot energy

    i DO want this to turn around

    i want to WIN his attention and feel adored and SAFE in my sexing that im being adored

    and didnt just bless my sex on a man who now walks away from me

    HOW DARE YOU PULL AWAY FROM ME I HAD SEX WITH YOU!!!!

    yes i had sex for myself

    but i had sex WITH YOU

    i did it with you cuz i felt safe with you and i felt safe that you were a step up guy

    and now you decide to NOT be a step up guy WAT THE FUCHK

    i want to cut you off like you’re burning me

    cut off your hand

    EFF YOU!!!~

    and come here and love me and adore me like you were before

    I WANTED to have a lover tha adored me and dated me and was like my non exclusive boyfriend

    now i have a man who says hes busy and doesnt seem into seeing me who i had sex with

    and now i : judgement of me: have man 21 ive had sex wiht in my life walking around having had sex with me JUST ONCE!!! and fuchking walking around like its all good to walk away from me

    NO ITS NOT!!

    im gonna kill you!!!!

    yeah you didnt “use me for sex” but you fuchkin had sex with me and now you get to say you had sex with FUCHKIN DARIA??????????

    with me!!! amaxin me ???

    and now you just disappear and odn’t even date me???

    wow

    so you’re just walking around with starlight cum all on your dick

    and i feel like i got TRICKED!!!

    i got TRICKED cuz i thought you were a step up dude and you’re really NOT

    omfg

    omfg

    aaaaaah fuchk you!!!!

    help someone

    Rori?

    help



  83.  #83Daria on July 6, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    Thank you Kaitlyn, Emerson, Nikita

    it feels really good to read you guys!!!



  84.  #84Nikita on July 6, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    but this “backward rationalizing” after sex that sometimes happens is understandable if those physical fires can not be sated satisfactorily by someone else….

    the old; pair and a spare-

    i’m bringing back the bull pen for horny days of summer 😉



  85.  #85Daria on July 6, 2011 at 11:56 pm

    Kaitlyn – i dont care!!! hes not a GIRL!!! i even am having thoughts of … hes probably seeing another woman that day…

    even thought hat may not be true

    he does NOT get to have “a day to himself” to take precedence over “ME”

    i SHOULD Be a priority

    i DONT feel like a priority

    i feel furious and i feel like punishing him

    and i dont want to do that

    Nikita – yea i thought about that, but i feel fine with guys on public transportation… hes actually saying he wants to get a car while im gone, so he can get me when i come back

    but im like… i WANT A MAN WHO WILL FREAKIN TAKE ANY TYPE OF TRANSPORTATION TO SEE ME

    Emerson – thats a wonderful idea!

    the Thank you’s

    i want to have no expectations here, that’s where id like to get to…

    and i DID have expectations, based on what he said to me…

    i expected that he could and Would take me on a proper date as soon as he got out the program (he tried and it got messy as far as timing and we had that argument)

    and he had even said before… i dont care How long that walk is, im happy to walk now that i can… just to see you babe!

    but now its different it seems

    and i remember i felt surprised that he wanted to see me so soon after his program thing eneded… i expected he would take some days to get stuff together

    but no he wanted to see me RIGHT AWAY and i didnt really care,

    but now after the argument i DO care i feel all “crazy”

    and attachy

    and i dont want to feel this way!

    wow!

    i am definitely working throught triggers from old stuff

    i remember feeilng like this in my old relationships…

    wow!

    i am getting more intimate with the men lately, and getting to some of that more advanced intimacy stuff with them

    ***

    he now texted “are you still up?” i don’t really feel like answering right now



  86.  #86kaitlyn on July 7, 2011 at 12:02 am

    Just contact him tmrw “hey, just got your text. just woke up. will you call me?”

    or some variation of. but basically, that you were sleeping when he texted you so late. it buys you time.



  87.  #87Daria on July 7, 2011 at 12:02 am

    i can handle this!

    these are triggers!

    i love my craziness!

    i love my insecure feelings!

    i love my fear!

    Thank you Daria for writing about my feelings

    Thank you Daria for expressing my feelings

    Thank you Daria for getting interested in taking care of me

    Thank you Daria for bringing me lots of cups of water

    Thank you Daria for crying today

    Thank you Daria for talking sincerely with my mom

    Thank you Daria for feeding me yummy food

    Tahnk you Daria for taking enzymes

    Thank you Daria for taking apple cider vinegar

    Thank you Daria for organizing all the clothes from the floor!

    wow! you’re amazing for that!

    those clothes have been there for over 6 months and you picked them all up for me in one day!

    wow! thank you so much baby!



  88.  #88kaitlyn on July 7, 2011 at 12:08 am

    here’s mine:

    -thank you kaitlyn for lasering leg hair off. showers and getting ready will take so much less time now!
    -thank you kaitlyn for getting a manicure.
    -thank you kaitlyn for cleaning out her car.
    -thank you kaitlyn for getting computer cleared for tmrw’s work day.

    – and thank you kaitlyn for drinking kombucha tea again.



  89.  #89Daria on July 7, 2011 at 12:10 am

    Kaitlyn – im not gonna do that cuz he will / used to / can call

    tonite or tomorrow if he wants to…

    i used to always not answer his texts and he’d call

    he knows i get easily tired of texting

    but i feel comfortable not answering right now

    i just want to take care of myself and process

    im gonna take the “bitch” route and take care of myself and take the risk of coming off “cold”

    except im gonna try to be “warm and open” too

    so usually i do only 10 min phone calls with men … and only like, if they’re making plans to see me

    this guy i spent lots of phone time with when he was in the program

    but that’s about to change

    thought: “im probably gonna lose him, he’ll drop himself out” and i feel terribly dissapointed because i felt so invested in my fantasy of him as my step up lover and contender for my hand

    and i will have that anyway

    i am learning i am healing i am learning about my triggers with intimacy and sex

    and i love me!

    you know, this is actually totally cool cuz im learning so much!

    yay!

    it WAS a good idea to take on a new lover (first new lover since Security man last year)

    i am learning about intimacy, allowing myself to feel vulnerable and “crazy” and get close to a man yay

    and as Rori says, my feeling “crazy” is actually a red flag for him

    i felt so NOT crazy up until that argument. i felt pleasant… like she says is good…

    and i kept thinking about other men and stuff

    and you know what… i bet ill be back to feeling like that in no time

    i actually feel EXCITED feeling triggered like i do now because this desperation is what my subconscious thinkis is love

    and im gonna heal ALL this wow

    and learn to really truly enjoy pleasantness

    i WAS enjoying pleasantness

    these feelings are way intense, but they don’t actually feel Good… just intense and attached and

    my heart feels like its bleeding open

    which is the point i guess of why it feels like love, cuz the heart is open

    but i will open it myself, gently , not wound it open

    go me!

    go healing!

    ill let go of this fantasy with this man

    and see what happens



  90.  #90Daria on July 7, 2011 at 12:12 am

    Kaitlyn – i LOVE lasering for leg hair! it really worked!

    not so much on my upper lip hair…

    but it worked excellent on my leg, and even though i had a lot, pretty well on my underarms

    thank you so much for your support. it felt really good that you cared and wrote to me and said i will be ok… and i felt good being called babe… aww!!
    hugs



  91.  #91Daria on July 7, 2011 at 12:13 am

    im feeling back centered! wow!

    Thank you Emerson!

    the Thank you’s worked!!

    Thank you Nikita! yes i might take a few more lions in my stable…ehmm i mean pussy



  92.  #92Nikita on July 7, 2011 at 12:19 am

    lol



  93.  #93alias girl on July 7, 2011 at 12:19 am

    daria. huh?

    i would step away from the imaginary relationship.

    it’s imaginary.

    i mean he likes you, that’s real. but there has not really been “real” step-up behavior from this man. (that i can see) esp in the way you desire. he may not yet be capable of it.

    and in the meantime, i might want to continue cding.

    the energy feels very laser focussey on hawkman. and not even in a good way. but in a “HE’S NOT STEPPING UP FOR ME WAY.”

    he seems like a big powerful prize you are trying to get.

    and i think rori teaches that it is YOU that is the prize.

    i <3 u.



  94.  #94kaitlyn on July 7, 2011 at 12:19 am

    90 Daria,

    Yes, I find laser works best on the areas with thick hair like legs, vag, under arms…LaserAway is in CA and have proved me great results. Maybe I’ll do arms one day. For now, I nair it.



  95.  #95Daria on July 7, 2011 at 12:22 am

    wow i can see how having sex with a new man… thinking of Pleaser and his BIG fun DICK that was bigger than my two hands

    will totally bring Hawkman back in the perspective i had before, where i felt comfortable and non plussed

    really he HAS contacted me all the past days just like before… no change

    but the “vibe” felt different, probably from me

    if i were to have had sex with Pleaser lets say i wouldn’t even be thinking of Hawkman right now

    id be feeling bored and turned off with how he messed up the date times on Sunday

    and rolling my eyes at his inability to set a proper date before i leave

    and thinking ‘serves him right he won’t see me before i leave’ he will miss my pussy

    NOT thinking ‘ i wont allow him to see me after i come back if he doesnt do xyz NOW’

    in fact, im learning this:

    when i get thoughts of “i won’t allow you to see me anymore”

    that is my clue that i am 1. Triggered

    2. NOT to say or do that thing that im thinking!!!

    lol!!!

    cuz its ‘punishing’ and an old pattern and it does NOT serve me

    i love me!

    im learning!!

    yay!!!



  96.  #96Daria on July 7, 2011 at 12:24 am

    alias girl – you are so RIGHT!!! yes!!I feel grinning from ear to ear

    i feel RELEASE talking here with you SIRENS

    i feel JOY filling up my heart and tensing my cheeks in a huge smile!!!

    oh ECSTASCY

    yes sssss



  97.  #97alias girl on July 7, 2011 at 12:25 am

    oh my post came too late. looks like you’ve worked it out. lol.

    aw. i felt like i could be of service and now i feel unneeded.

    bah. this is why i hate myself when i try to help people. bah! when will i learn!!!!

    i never feel good when i try to help people.

    this is my own trigger. obviously. but i swear off it and then i am so drawn into wanting to help and i often feel worse for it.

    i will learn.

    just like i am learning not to cut people off. i can learn to not try and help people.



  98.  #98Daria on July 7, 2011 at 12:29 am

    Alias girl – i just dont want to admit i was wrong in preemptively thinking he was gonna be a step up man… i was so sure that if anyone, THIS MAN would really really get on THE FIRST BUS TO COME SEE ME AND WALK FOR AN HOUR

    ok and whats crazy is he WAS gonna do that

    but then we had that argument, i blamed him for stuff

    which i’ve now apologized for

    and then i felt a huge withdrawal on his part

    which seems like its warming up now

    but slowly

    and im not here to “coax” warming up

    eff that!

    right?

    right

    so

    i had sex

    it was for me

    it was so i could learn

    and im learning baby learning

    and im totally and defniitely CDing

    i have CD’s contacting me all over the place

    and i even had one i almost had sex with two days ago

    but i didnt, cuz i didnt want to feel bad if he disappeared

    and he assured me he wouldnt

    but did

    and i did not have sex iwth him

    and im SURE he’ll be back

    i am so not trippin and not crazy and not invested

    i don;t know how i wouldve felt if i DID have sex

    but why not wait?

    i wasnt feeling extremely horny for sex… so id feel better to wait

    yay Daria learns

    wow

    this stuff feels CHALLENGING!!!

    and now .. fun



  99.  #99alias girl on July 7, 2011 at 12:29 am

    aw now i feel sick to my stomach and teary. BAH!!!!! i feel emabarrassed to feel my own feelings sometimes. my feelings feel fckng EMBARRASSING.

    and now i feel i am creating drama and stealing thunder from daria’s hoopla.

    and i feel just so crinkled and embarrassed. and how the fck does one spell embarrassed. is there on r or two?

    i feel like running and hiding and pouty lip and and tears.



  100.  #100Daria on July 7, 2011 at 12:30 am

    oh ALIAS GIRL – maybe you can learn not to feel bad while helping people…

    im learning that too!

    it feels challenging

    but I LOVE LOVE LOVE your help!

    you are so wise!

    i dont want to lose your help to your NV’s

    BAH NV’s!

    i LOVE and appreciate your help!

    thank you thank thank you

    NV’s please let Alias Girl feel good and appreciated when she helps



  101.  #101Daria on July 7, 2011 at 12:32 am

    Alias girl – steal away! i love your tears! i love your embarassment!

    you sound amazing and adorable! hug ALIAS GIRL!!



  102.  #102Daria on July 7, 2011 at 12:32 am

    i did it LADIES!!

    with your help i am back to NORMAL!!!

    wooo hooo!!!

    🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂



  103.  #103alias girl on July 7, 2011 at 12:39 am

    thank you daria. i feel comforted by your assurances. and i feel trickly raindrop tears falling off my cheeks onto my tshirt.

    this is big trigger for me. wah. i feel mighty embarrassed still by my feelings. i guesss shame.
    that feels curious.

    anyway daria i always learn so much by you sharing your process and it helps me immeasurably and i view it as an act of generosity and giving. so thank you.

    wah. wtf with all these freaking emotions. something has happened to alias girl in the last year. she has softened and become mushy and

    dare one say even… approachable. lol.



  104.  #104Daria on July 7, 2011 at 12:52 am

    alias girl – i see the sharing the same way… as gifts… and amazingly i GET healing by giving them too

    you seem soooo… Goddessy… like i want to dive into you



  105.  #105Daria on July 7, 2011 at 12:55 am

    it stopped.. it really stopped ladies…

    i mean its over, just like a storm

    all the intensity of the past few days… the fear and the crying…

    its just over.

    im back to feeling good, confident, secure, centered in me

    i did it!

    was it just the not answering his text that did it?

    or was it all the work i just did?

    somehow i think it was coming to the realization that i had sex for ME and for LEARNING and HEALING and

    that is happening

    i feel totally cool now!

    incredible

    wow

    really incredible

    i mean.. i know it IS credible, cuz its happened before,

    but this felt SO intense

    wow!

    it’s like the storm passed and all is well again

    i dont even want to really think of Hawkman too much

    wow

    i feel relieved

    weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    its really solid Gone



  106.  #106Daria on July 7, 2011 at 1:06 am

    i was SOOO brave!!!

    omg! we were at first just texting like, oh i miss u, i miss you, i wish you were here, i know, etc

    and then i was listening to Rori about how a man can feel ANGER even if not expressed

    and i picke dup and was about to text
    actually baby i feel angry

    but then decided to lean back, and wait if he contacts me i can share

    and then he DID call

    and i DID SHARE

    i said sweetly, acutally baby im feelign scared and angry

    hes like why

    im like, i feel bad that theres no plan for a date

    etc etc

    i was SUPER BRAVE

    and i did NOT go in attacky or in, “you will never see the queen again!” talk

    like during the argument

    i stayed open

    and i KEPT expressing my feelings of disappointment, anger

    not feeling important

    not feeling like a priority

    etc

    and he said some of the same stuff as in the argument… like you make me feel like im bad, like its all my fault

    and im like ohh… its nobodys fault i just feel bad…

    and hes like well stop saying that!

    and i said… i don’t want to stop saying how i feel

    and i was SO open the whole time!

    wow!

    no wonder im healing and amazing and able to shift my vibe!

    woooo weeee!!

    i rock



  107.  #107Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 1:16 am

    Hello world, I am thankful for the month of July which begins second half 2011. So much has happened in the last twelve months. I am eager and excited for the rest of 2011 to unfold. A little nervous too.

    😀



  108.  #108Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 1:19 am

    @5: Nini says:
    “Tomorrow is my presentatin
    I am freaking out
    Pray pray pray pls
    Love
    Nini”

    Hi, Nini! Best wishes for tomorrow. I think that’s today!!!!

    😀



  109.  #109Daria on July 7, 2011 at 1:20 am

    guess what else i DIDNT do?

    im gonna be going to his area tomorrow for something… and i did NOT tell him or offer to see him or have him come see me so it can be more convenient to him

    yay! now That felt pretty easy after all the CD training in not doing that



  110.  #110Daria on July 7, 2011 at 1:21 am

    SLV I love how you say This Now is always our best year, our best times…

    that feels so good
    i want to believe that

    yay!



  111.  #111kaitlyn on July 7, 2011 at 1:45 am

    I am lol-ing over the tweets of @whit_titty.



  112.  #112Daria on July 7, 2011 at 1:45 am

    i feel so open to him now

    i still feel a lil “blamy” and judgemental

    like “how annoying that you wont walk to me”

    aha! i guess that is ‘turned off’

    i feel a lil anger

    that he wants to get a car

    and Then come in a car

    im like NO mothafuchka walk to me!

    i want you to prove me you will come to me and freakin walk to me

    i dont want a man that wont walk to me

    what if you lose your car

    hmph

    this is like the man who loses his job and then stops stepping up

    no, i want a man who steps up even without a job

    yep yep sure do

    ok yay!

    i will be surprised

    i dont feel like not dating him altogether…

    but am starting to feel a lil bored

    yay!



  113.  #113Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 1:47 am

    @31: Ella says:
    “…Waaaaaa Vampire Scream…
    FMs so don’t work on all men…”

    Work on all men? Are you intending your words to control men and bend them to your will like love potions and magic charms? I don’t believe this will do the trick. I believe messages are meant to be messages…

    They tell a man how we are feeling, where our boundaries lie, what we like or don’t like, what we are up to and up for, what and who we are. Messages do that for other women too and children.

    xoxo



  114.  #114Daria on July 7, 2011 at 1:48 am

    kaitlyn – i just looked her up… but dont see that much to lol about.. am i missing something?



  115.  #115Daria on July 7, 2011 at 1:49 am

    GO SLV!!!



  116.  #116Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 1:50 am

    @36: Ella

    Hugs. I hope all is better now.

    xoxo



  117.  #117Daria on July 7, 2011 at 1:54 am

    i am lolling at Rori on Love scripts

    i did JUST what she said…

    my man was happily moving forward toward me and then SNATCH

    i tried to lock him down with forcing him to come to a date My way…

    and then he rubberbanded back!

    and thats normal!!

    and if i just melt and say ooh ooh it feels good (but not if it doesnt)

    then he’ll keep coming!

    yay!!



  118.  #118Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 2:10 am

    @97: alias girl says:
    “…i will learn.
    just like i am learning not to cut people off. i can learn to not try and help people…”

    This is difficult; I haven’t mastered it. Sometimes I have to sit on my hands but I’ve been “helping myself” the last few days. Perhaps I’ll take a vow for 30 days regarding helping any others. Thinking about it… it could be helpful to me. That would free up some time and energy for sure.

    😀



  119.  #119Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 2:20 am

    @110: Daria says:
    “…that feels so good
    i want to believe that…”

    Oh, do, dear heart. And you haven’t lost anything because of sex. You just shared some. There’s always more where that came from. 😉

    If the guy doesn’t appreciate it, well maybe he “doesn’t qualify” for your further attention either.

    That’s what I’m thinking these days about some guys… “they don’t qualify…”

    There are others out there…

    xoxo



  120.  #120Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 2:25 am

    Is there any point in going to bed? My schedule is getting kind of tilted. I had breakfast at 1:30 p.m. today, er, yesterday. And I’m still on “Princess Time” anything goes…

    😀



  121.  #121Daria on July 7, 2011 at 2:26 am

    SLV – thank you!! yes yes I will believe it, i choose to 🙂

    and he Does appreciate it hehehehe!

    weeee

    he will come see me

    he is at my beck and call … in a good way

    i was having a strong intense past trauma reaction… some old intense feelings came up… wow… they vanished like wind

    i feel powerful and in control, and loved and adored by him

    our conversation actually felt lovely

    i even shared how i felt bad knowing a man has 8 free hours a day and im not getting any of that time

    i didnt blame at all

    i even said… I feel angry… without ‘losing it’

    i feel really good and safe and connected right now

    weeee

    i feel the way i was feeling before the icky disconnect

    which is what i wanted

    total vibe shift

    weeee!!!



  122.  #122Kyla on July 7, 2011 at 2:27 am

    Aw Ella
    ((hugs))
    xx



  123.  #123Daria on July 7, 2011 at 2:28 am

    ive been feeling good lately going to sleep muy late and waking up around 2 or 3 pm!

    i used to stress myself out over sleep… now with all the healing intent i put in… its showing up

    i am waking up rested no matter what

    tomorro i scheduled a lil trip for myself in the morning

    and i feel excited that i am now getting good sleep and dont have to stress about feeling icky

    still a lil stress out of habit, but also calmness



  124.  #124Daria on July 7, 2011 at 2:31 am

    The 4 Rules (for the record):

    1. Don’t try to control your man

    2. Don’t try to control the outcome

    3. Stop yourself before you criticize, advise, judge, warn, coax, suggest, complain, or ask the innocent question

    4. Learn to take “no” for an answer



  125.  #125Daria on July 7, 2011 at 2:38 am

    i can practice not judging men in my head. like oh he’s so incompetent

    or… what is wrong with him, he’s rude, he’s having side conversations on the phone with me…

    i can say… wow, i feel uncomfortable when someone has side conversations with me on the phone… i don’t want that… what do you think?

    and…

    im feeling so excited about your plan, and i find myself feeling insecure about it actually coming true… im feeling nervous! i feel so inexperienced with a man taking charge… and i like that!



  126.  #126Daria on July 7, 2011 at 2:44 am

    wow i feel like thanking him now for being here and present with me while i was feeling through that strong trauma reaction

    and i still dont feel good that a man wouldnt want to walk to me

    phewy

    and i feel open to saying that without judgement or pressure

    and i feel good soothed and blissful



  127.  #127Daria on July 7, 2011 at 2:51 am

    i Like this man!

    he says he still loves me, still wants me to be his wife

    and is gonna come see me

    and he … i dono… hes just … kind

    as in, he’s not a rageaholic like the majority of men i was attracting and like my father

    the worst stuff he says is like… you make me feel like im a bad guy

    and i can deal with that

    yeah its blamy, but i dont feel triggered by it

    i love me

    this feels interesting as an experiment

    wow

    yay super learning

    and Pleaser! wow Pleaser was awesome like that too

    Pleaser knew all about energy

    and he knew to say: its ok… when i said i felt scared as we were moving along sexually

    and to keep his arm on me

    yay!

    ive shifted the men im attracted to and attracting! wowoohooo



  128.  #128Daria on July 7, 2011 at 3:19 am

    i can say.. i feel anguish

    when i feel it. i like that more than ‘hurt’ or ‘pain’

    yum

    i fele anguished ouch!



  129.  #129Jeannette on July 7, 2011 at 3:58 am

    I am going through some depression and am troubled. I am wondering now why I didn’t get to marry Steve. First I was concerned over medical bills…then when his social worker told us his medicaid would be taken if we were to be married we knew we had to wait. His case worker reported to us that Steve would have no prescription coverage if we were to be married. So we decided to wait until after the transplant for he would need a lot of anti rejection medications and such. We got the idea the most expensive would be during the first few mo.s after the transplant. Well long story short…I am depressed because Steve died and we never got to be married. It’s something we both wanted. Did God in heaven NOT want me to marry Steve or what? I don’t understand. Why was Steve diagnosed with cancer 3 mo.s after we found ea. other again? Should I have married Steve no matter what? I love him so much and am troubled. His family isn’t contacting me and I wonder about that. Maybe they are disappointed that I didn’t go ahead and marry him. They had to have known how much I loved him for how I was sobbing over him when he died. Why don’t I feel peace at the moment? I just want him back so much. I wanted to build a future with this man. Why did God take him away from me after we found ea. other after 40 years? The only thing I have solace in is he is no longer suffering and we told ea. other several times the day of his transplant that we love ea. other. Other then that I am a train wreck. I don’t feel I need grief counseling I just need friends such as you to help me with this. I cried buckets this morning. I love him so much.



  130.  #130Butterfly Wings on July 7, 2011 at 4:34 am

    (((Jeannette))), I’ve been following your story and can only TRY to imagine what you’re going through right now and I know I won’t even come close.

    You and Steve had your reasons for waiting to get married and they were good reasons too – You were being practical and I think that almost anybody in your situation would have done the same thing. I know I would have done the same if I were in your situation too.

    And just because you weren’t married doesn’t mean that you loved each other any less.

    It is very unfair that Steve was taken from you so young, and I know I speak for each and every one of us that if we could take away your pain we would.

    I know nothing I say will make you feel better, so the only thing I can suggest to you is to keep remembering and focusing the good times you had with Steve and to know that Steve loved you and would want you to be happy.

    Of course the thought of being happy at such a sad time seems “wrong” right now, but please give yourself time. Be kind to yourself too. I’m not sure why his family isn’t talking to you, but maybe they’re just dealing with their grief in their own way?

    Look after yourself and make Steve proud of you.

    xxxx



  131.  #131Butterfly Wings on July 7, 2011 at 5:02 am

    I’m feeling quite proud of myself right now. After what I would call one of the most frustrating and rollercoaster type years of my life, I’m finally feeling very stable, calm and powerful! I have finally found my way out of it all!

    I have had some huge ups and downs – and all over a guy (yeah I know….)! Complicated situation, and I won’t go into it now (friends have suggested a write a book about my last year – it’d be a best seller!), but it’s been really really tough.

    So after more than a year, here I am feeling wonderful! If he were to end things tomorrow, I’d be fine. If he were to step up (which he does occasionally), then great. If he never calls again, well it’s just as well, because I’m so busy right now with my daughters, my friends, my job and my business, that I really don’t have time for him anyway so he’d be doing doing me a favour! 😀

    One thing I have realised over this last year is that I really am not ready to settle down right now. I don’t want to get married (again!), and I may never want to again, and I don’t want to live with a guy – not yet.

    I only just got my own space (ex hubby only just moved out last month – we separated in April 2010!), and I’m loving it and want it for a while longer before I let a guy take it from me!

    My guy messaged me earlier, asking me to take him dinner (he has no car right now). A few months ago I would’ve been grateful for the excuse to get out of the house and away from the ex, so I would get in my car and drive across town to go see him (yes, I know – BIG mistake!), no matter what time it was, but tonight I said no. And he’s not happy!

    My fault of course. I “trained” him to expect that of me, and now that I’m not giving in to him, he’s acting like a spoilt child who’s not getting his own way. But I really don’t care! 🙂

    I’m going to the pub with friends tomorrow night (he may or may not be there – again I don’t care either way), then I have an event about identifying and monetising your passions to go to on Saturday (I’m soo excited, but he’s NOT into that stuff at all so I’ll be going without him), followed by a girl’s night out at yet another pub near home on Saturday night!

    So he’s gonna be feeling really neglected by Sunday! hehe! **evil laugh**



  132.  #132Ella on July 7, 2011 at 5:14 am

    Hey Sirens,

    I feel shameful about my negativity on here last night.

    Thanks for all the support Emmerson, Flowerchild77, Amazingme, Tinque etc…

    I just had a rough evening.

    And this morning I woke up with my period and hurroundous stomach cramps AND diahorrea and feeling sick 🙁

    I was really unwell and then cancelled work and slept till midday.

    Now I am awake and have managed to eat some food and have a drink. Just in bed and still feeling very dehydrated and hurty tummy.

    Also just not feeling quite with it or myself.

    I know this will past and I will feel good again and it just feels icky atm.

    I have a Zumba class tonight but am really not feeling up to teaching it.

    Not sure whether to try to make myself do it, or to cancel it.

    Its a fairly new class that is still building up and I am expecting at least a few new people today so I feel anxious about cancelling it.



  133.  #133Ella on July 7, 2011 at 5:28 am

    SLV re 113

    No that is not really what I meant.

    It is more me expressing that I felt frustrated where I have used FMs with a few men recently and basically what has come back is that they don’t care about how I feel, at all.

    I know that they don’t have to, and it still has felt awful.

    Often when I use FMs they create a bond between me and a man and encourage open commuincation so that is what I mean by FMs ‘working’

    And sometimes it just doesn’t go like that.

    Like with the last 2 guys I have liked and used them with it seems to have scared them off. This feels awful and makes me want to stop using them… I mean are we sure they don’t just make us seem weird and crazy woman, banging on about our feelings in everyday situations… (I don’t really believe that and I have seen the magic FMs can do when they ‘work’ as I have outlines above, but I feel vulnerable when they seemingly cause guys to pull away).

    And with some other guys, well as I said a few just really don’t care about how I feel, in fact one guy actually said that in response to one of my FMs ‘I don’t care how you feel!’ I left. And he called after me ‘yeah thats it, off you go now you have got your drink out of me!’.

    Had massively difficult time coping with a situation last night which I will blog about in a min.



  134.  #134Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 5:35 am

    Oh Jeanette, I feel heartbroken imagining how much pain you are in right now. I just want to hold you and rub your back while you cry on my shoulder.

    I feel concerned that all these questions and worries about “shoulds” are causing extra pain and suffering. I know you know that we can’t go back and change the past. It only makes a painful situation worse when we torture ourselves with these questions.

    You two loved each other and that is what counts.

    I feel tears in my eyes visualizing you two exchanging vows of love on his deathbed. What an amazing blessing that you two were able to share that.

    He is in peace now.

    And you deserve to feel peace too. The peace that comes from surrendering to what has happened. The peace that comes from trusting that the plan for our lives is unfolding exactly as it should.

    Hugs, hugs, and more hugs Jeanette.



  135.  #135Ella on July 7, 2011 at 5:56 am

    Last night 2 things happened.

    I had a date which was actually kinda cool.

    He is tall and hansome and grown up if you kow what I mean. He has a real job. He likes to be a gentleman and leads 🙂 and also he is still quite soft and gentle towards me which felt nice.

    My NVs came right out and one of the things I feel is unworthy when I come across this kind of guy… so I sat with it and forced myself to hold eye contact, even when I felt really squirmy.

    But it is manageable, not so ‘scary feeling’ and me feeling ‘on edge’ as I did with J cus he was younger and I just got the sense he was not ready to really be with a woman.

    This guy felt different and we had a great date.

    In a pub and I only had 1 glass of wine then had a soft drink 🙂

    I didn'[t feel bored at all (this is always something I feel worried of when not drinking and with a new date) so that is cool.

    We stayed for 2 hours and he kept wanting to get close to me physically (I mean just in terms of being near to me).

    At one point he brought up the subject of drugs and asked what my take is. He is completely anti. Well the thing is I do still take some drugs every now and again.

    Very rarely… and when I do it tends to be very little. What we are talking about here is the odd puff of one of my housemates spliffs and the odd line of coke.

    And I feel ashamed. Esp about the coke bc it is less accepted than smoking.

    And the truth is when I was younger and we went through some deaths in the family I got into drugs in a big way.

    And there is a big culture of it round here amongst young people.

    Well I decided I did not want my life to be all about drugs and so I pretty much stopped. I stopped completely for 1 year when I was with a guy who was very anti, but I felt suppressed.

    Not bc I necessarily wanted to do them, but I wanted to have the choice and not feel judged.

    My feelings about them now is kinda mixed.

    I know Rori doesn’t support the use of mind changing substances, and when I look around me at the people who are doing them I don’t really feel like I fit anymore…

    I feel esp triggered when I see the older people doing them such as housemate dude and his g,friend.

    And I find it hard not to be judgemental.

    And I know if I am judging them I am also judging me.

    I just look at older people who still do drugs and I feel turned off. And judgemental. And it seems to me they are less sorted in their lives and emotions than those who don’t.

    I don’t want to be like that.

    And I also want to have the option to still take something IF I want…

    I hope and intend to be able to gradually babystep away from them bit but bit, like I am with alcohol, and fade them to grey, rather than forcing myself to stop altogether and rejecting that part of me, which I did with my ex and didn’t work!

    So I feel seriously afraid to tell the honest thruth to my new CD, and yet honesty is v important to me.

    I feel afraid that he will no longer want to date me… and I will be left alone. I am afraid that any decent men will not want to date me if they know this about me.

    Its feels scary, cus I don’t want to reject this part of me.

    Its is major triggerific bc of breakdown of relationship with ex (separate issues) and the fact that he was always really judgemental about this and completely rejected this part about me.

    And I felt so bad and unworthy that I agreed with him and tried to suppress it.

    I felt dirty and worthless bc I did them and he didn’t.

    Ok this is a chance to heal.

    I feel scared to be open about this and I think I need to.

    Wonder if I could share with him what I have shared above?

    When he asked me I said I had/did sometimes do some stuff but v rarely. When he asked for specifics I said the odd puff on a spliff but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the other… so it went unsaid, and I felt guilty and dishonest.

    Not sure whether I want to share this kind of suff so early, I want him to feel more attracted to me first, would feel safer… but then I feel guilty about this too like I am lieing to draw someone in.



  136.  #136Femininewoman on July 7, 2011 at 6:08 am

    Last Saturday we shared a powerful practice to stop an argument. But what happens when you have a fight anyway? What can you do to quickly restore harmony?

    In our 32 years together, the best thing we’ve discovered to bring us back into sync with one another after arguing is to drop words. Words are what divided us in the first place, so we have found that simply breathing together can help us attune to each other quickly and easily.

    So, here’s what to do next time you get into an argument with your partner, family member or someone you’re close to:

    First, take 60 seconds to sit down with your partner. Make eye contact and begin matching your partner’s breathing.

    And at the end of that minute, notice what happens. You may experience a feeling of “Ahhh… we’re connecting again.”

    The science even shows that when two people are happy with each other, they’re breathing tends to harmonize. The same is true when a mother is nursing her baby. The baby often gets in sync with the mother’s breathing and helps nurture a deeper bond between mother and child.

    Breathing together may sound so simple (and it is), but it brings in that possibility to really connect with your partner at a deep energetic level and bring back the positive, loving feelings you’ve already been cultivating with one another.

    And it doesn’t have to take days and days to come back together. (When we first got together and had our first fight, we didn’t speak for 3 days! We’ve obviously come a long way since then…) You can simply decide that you’re going to get back in harmony with your partner, and it can happen in an instant.

    Try it and watch the miracles unfold in your relationships.

    To your conscious loving,
    Gay and Katie Hendricks



  137.  #137Femininewoman on July 7, 2011 at 6:10 am

    Before we head out for our holiday weekend, we wanted to share a relationship technique that has had amazing results with the thousands of couples we’ve worked with over the years. It’s how to stop an argument… instantly.

    When you’re caught up in an argument with your partner, family member or colleague, typically, you’re locked into anger and thinking you’re right and the other person is wrong.

    What we have found is that when you change your own presence and state in the disagreement, you’re then able to disrupt the argumentative loop, which can often lead to an ugly downward spiral. As Einstein said, “You can’t solve a problem on the same level you created it.”

    So, here’s what to do the next time you’re in an argument with someone you love, even when you know you’re right:

    First off, see if you can get in touch with what you might be afraid of. (Underneath our anger, there’s always some kind of fear.)

    Acknowledge to your partner that you’re afraid. When you go from saying what you’re angry about to saying what you’re scared about, it shifts the whole tone of the conversation.

    Take a deep breath and say something like:

    I’m afraid we’re not going to get through this. Or I’m afraid you’ll leave me.

    Sometimes you don’t know what the fear is about, so you can just say: I’m afraid, and I don’t know what I’m afraid about.

    When you say “I’m scared,” it instantly creates a connection with your partner, and you’re able to shift out of the argument just like that. And, THEN you have the opportunity to bring the conversation to a new, more loving and conscious level.

    We’ve seen this practice work real miracles thousands of times – with the many couples we’ve helped and in our own relationship. So, try this next time an argument comes up, and take the next step to elevate and bring more magic to your relationships!

    We hope you have a wonderful weekend, and we look forward to sharing more conscious partnering tips and practices in the coming days ahead.

    To your conscious loving,
    Gay and Katie Hendricks



  138.  #138Ice Princess on July 7, 2011 at 6:39 am

    I’m not feeling so good about myself and some of the things I said to LP last night. I am going to do some deep cleaning around the house today to see if maybe that will change my mood. Any advice on how to be more “with myself” and spend less time thinking about him would be greatly appreciated.



  139.  #139Ella on July 7, 2011 at 6:47 am

    2nd thing that happened – after the date I came home and housemates g, friend T had invited me to have dinner with them.

    A mutual friend of thiers was coming over.

    It is a funny situation cus housemate and T had never met until a couple of months ago. But they had this mutual friend… and then they met on FB and T came over and the rest is history.

    Well now (2 months after last g,friend, my friend, left, housemate is moving T in. She has her own personal circumstances that means she needs somewhere to live).

    So its all kinda happy familys until a few days ago T finds out about the other woman housemate was seeing (not through me).

    Housemate has stopped seeing her (other woman) now but had obviously not told T about her.

    Bearing in mind there had been no official discussion that they (T and him) were boy/girlfriend or exclusive before, but T had assumed they were by the way housemate was towards her, saying certain stuff, being loving, wanting to spend time and introducing her to his family (all the stuff Rori teaches us actually means diddly squat with men in terms of committment but like most women, T thinks it does).

    I am not saying he doesn’t care for her. He obviously does.

    So anyway when T found out she was furious and wasn’t sure if she could trust him and it was all drama, and she spoke to me about it quite a lot.

    Personally I think the anger came from the fact she had overfunctioned, without there being the conversation about commitment first but she is not at a place to see that atm, and was very strong in saying ‘well he shouldn’t have behaved how he did towards me then’ and cus housemate is quite moralistic he feels guilty now and was begging her to forgive him etc.

    So now he has been told he cannot see the other woman, and it looks like T moving in is back on.

    I am trying to hard not to be judgemental and yet from where I am standing it looks to me like a very co-dependant relationship, and not esp healthy.

    From where I am standing, it loks to me like housemate cannot bear to be on his own without a woman. And not only that but when he has a partner he wants them to do EVERYTHING together.

    I know this would not feel good to me, and I know my friend (his ex) felt stiffled with this.

    I am seeing his flaws, that I never saw before, and I am wanting to still be accepng of him as a person.

    But I feel angry with him.

    I feel angry because he portrays the most together, upfront honest man… and yet he is not. I feel angry that he said to me he didn’t want a relationship and then jumped into exactly that with her.

    And also that he says he is honest, and yet he didn’t tell her about me and him when she was asking him to tell all after discovering about the other woman.

    And I feel angry bc I percieve that he treats me dismissively.

    I feel angry about him assuming I will keep his secret and I feel unimprtant bc what happened between us has gone unacknowledged, once again bc I am not the ‘g,friend’ claiming status and kicking up a fuss.

    And I keep quiet cus I want to say here.

    There hasn’t really been any open communcation about anything other than day to day stuff between me and him for a while, accept the other day he sorta tried to explain why he chose T… and was saying he chose someone who was not so involved with everyone (as she comes from out of area) so less drama and also that she doesn’t want children. But to me it just felt weird and off the be explained to.

    I didn’t say much. And in my head I was thinking ‘dude – you no longer had me as part of your ‘choice’ – I get to do the choosing’ and feeling relieved that I took myself out of the scenario when I did.

    Anway back to last night.

    So they invited me for dinner and T had done all the cooking, and that was REALLY nice of her. Like I say I quite like her.

    But, when I was at the table I felt really weird, and they were having this kinda in depth leany forward conversation and I just mostly felt left out.

    And they are all older and are very into drinking and smoking pot (and a couple of other things too) they are some of the older people I feel judgemental about. And I feel guilty about that.

    So I am sitting at the table, noticing all this going on and feeling quite left out.

    And every time I am making an attempt to join in the conversation I get talked over, or cut short. The friend at one point said he did not ‘get’ my sense of humour.

    And many times I spoke and just simply got ignored. And I was drinking (too fast – as they were). And as I was realising I was feeling bad and deciding what to do and whether to leave and then housemate (who I was sitting next to) actually was blocking me, and he actually had his back to me and was blocking me out of the conversation with his arm.

    And I got the sense he resented me being there, which felt awful.

    And I notice how housemate and T make a big ‘show’ of how connected they are, re-counting stories of their first few dates and having private conversations and jokes right at the table in front of me and the friend. And talking about how much sex they are having.

    And the whole thing just felt off.

    And I felt annoyance towards me from housemate (I think) or at best he was just choosing to ignore me, or simply can’t feel me and I felt insignificant at that table.

    He esp seems to hate it when I use FMs cus at one point I said I felt left out like the weird friend, and he looked disdainful and that is when he completely turned his back.

    And I wonder how much is my own NVs… but the situation def feels off to me.

    And I get the impression with him that one is expected to function and communicate on a very shallow and safe level, and maybe he doesn’t like it when people go a bit deeper.

    And it somehow doesn’t feel real.

    And I feel anger towards me… Esp when he got them all a beer and didn’t bring me one… and then he remembered like five mins later and got me one… and feigned feeling rude and sorry, and yet it felt inauthentic and ‘for show’ in front of the others.

    I mean I am hardly a powerful magic Siren if I have that little prescense as to be forgotten about when I am sitting right there at the table!

    And housemate has beliefs about how women should pitch in and how relationships should be equal and always expresses admiration of women who do that, and paying thier way like T does… and then I feel wrong and selfish and no good bc I don’t do that!

    And T is always part of the conversation cus she is willing to lean forward and be one of the boys… and be quite aggresive, and I don’t, and I feel judgemental.

    And yet she gets to be included and I don’t. Cus I won’t play ball.

    And I have noticed housemate and T being very judgemental of others on a number of occasions, including J, because he is bi-sexual, and last night they were saying they saw him at the pub and he came over to say hi.

    They were laughing about what he said to them (complimenting T on her jacket) and saying he was so camp. And housemate said how dare he stand in ‘his’ kitchen and talk about being gay! And I felt FURIOUS. Maybe THEY put him off from ever coming back. But I am not like them.

    Ick I feel angry and judgemental.

    And I felt unimportant and insignificant.

    And so eventually I left. And I was glad I did and wished I had done it sooner.

    And on the other hand both housemate and T are nice to me… and cook me dinner sometimes and stuff.

    So I feel confused.



  140.  #140Ella on July 7, 2011 at 6:52 am

    Don’t know why I am all up in housemates business…

    Just wanted to give you some context to the situation I was dealing with last night, that triggered me so much.

    And it felt like being at school and being the ‘weird’ left out one… not good enough to be part of the gang.

    And I feel mad at housemate now, and get ‘mad’ vibes from him to me aswell.

    And think T knows that there is something up… but it is all hidden.

    Think I will only interact on a formal level… and do my share of the chores etc… maybe I will cook for them one night… to say thanks for the times they have cooked for me (as a housemate) but may distance myself from these hang out situations which don’t seem to be feeling good to me.

    At least for now..

    Stuff may shift.

    Not sure how to be around housemate now.

    Hm. sigh.



  141.  #141Ella on July 7, 2011 at 6:55 am

    I miss J, he was not afraid to be different.

    Maybe I will take him with me on my horse as my muse!

    Maybe that was his message to me… that its ok to be different, and if he can be strong enough, so can I.



  142.  #142Ella on July 7, 2011 at 7:02 am

    Why couldn’t I just have been an open invitation with J??

    Instead of leting my NVs take over.

    amn those NVs.

    I bet he would have kept coming towards me if I had!

    Urghhh I feel so mad at me and frustrated as theie is NOTHING I can do!

    🙁



  143.  #143Femininewoman on July 7, 2011 at 7:09 am

    ICE Princess try saying blah blah blah in your mind when it starts focussing on him.



  144.  #144DE on July 7, 2011 at 7:22 am

    Subscribing…lots to catch up on…



  145.  #145Ella on July 7, 2011 at 7:44 am

    Just told a CD I am not willing to drive to meet him 1/2 way.

    Think he is going to flake and I don’t care.

    I don’t want to drive and I am worth being driven to!

    Looking to cancel my Zumba class tonight as still feeling really ill.

    I feel lil guilty as I always do when I miss out on work opportunities or have to cancel stuff within my businesses, however I need to let go sometimes and take care of me!

    It is a one off (I pretty much NEVER do this) and I can go back next week full of energy for them… and hopefully still do my class tomorrow.

    But I still feel worried in case some new people come and then don’t come back if its cancelled.

    Currently looking for cover.

    Have to trust that I am allowed to be human!



  146.  #146Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 7:54 am

    @145: Ella

    I hope you are feeling better today. Maybe cancel the Zumba class…if you give some sort of bonus later everyone will be happy.

    xoxo



  147.  #147Ella on July 7, 2011 at 8:01 am

    Hmmm plans for going to this festival don’t seem to be happening.

    I really want to go.

    I feel left out.

    Hmm, maybe it is not meant to be?

    I did promise myself I would go to one this year though.

    Hmph.



  148.  #148Ella on July 7, 2011 at 8:03 am

    SLV yes I think I will cancel it if I don’t find cover!

    Period pains and tummy bug at the same time really suck!

    xoxoxo



  149.  #149Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 8:18 am

    Ella: I feel curious about the how the theme of drug use is coming up in your life. I remember how upset you were about barman and thinking that if he loved you enough he would have given up the drugs.

    And now you are sort of on the opposite side of the equation with your new cd (and your ex?).

    I’m wondering what the mirror/message is?

    I’ve had similar situations in my life I played both roles of a drama at different times in my life. Not with this specific issue but with other ones. At times I was the accuser and at times the accusee. It’s an interesting place to be because one can understand how both sides feel.

    What do you think?



  150.  #150Ella on July 7, 2011 at 8:43 am

    LG – I never thought of it that way.

    I guess it is true what someone said before when Barman situation was happening, which is that we all have things that we feel comfortable with and not so.

    His choices and behaviour were not necessarily ‘wrong’ but they were no comfortable or good for me. Nor did I think they were healthy.

    For me I have made the decision that I don’t want my life to be about drugs…

    But also I don’t want the choice taken away… I want it to be my choice.

    Yes now you have pointed it out I do see the mirror, and how in relating to Barman it was/always would have been better to talk about my feelings, rather than what I thought of his behaviour…

    Did that successfully sometimes and not others.

    I always try to be accepting of other people’s choices and would like the same back.

    With my new CD if he (or any other man) does not pressure liklihood is I will decide for myself 99% of the time not to do it…

    But I don’t want to suppress that 1%… tried that, doesn’t work.

    With Barman he didn’t ever choose not to, and that felt awful to me.

    You are right there is a mirror here… and yet I do not see myself as the same as Barman.

    Hmmm, sturggling with this one.



  151.  #151Femininewoman on July 7, 2011 at 8:49 am

    RE 149 LG I appreciate and respect your wisdom and maturity.



  152.  #152Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 8:57 am

    Ella: I don’t really know the details of what was going on with barman and I’m not saying that you are exactly like him.

    And I do agree that there is some truth to the statement that different people feel comfortable with different things.

    For example, barman might think using K is okay but using heroin is not.

    You might think using alcohol, ganja, and coke is okay but K is not. Or that it’s okay for younger people to do it but not older people.

    Your cd might think alcohol is okay but ganja and coke is not.

    It’s all relative and personal.

    I wonder what the message is?

    Maybe it has to do with judgements? Or getting clear with our beliefs about what is right or wrong.

    I don’t really know yet I think the reoccurring theme has some significance.



  153.  #153Kathhherine on July 7, 2011 at 9:01 am

    Hi Greta, yes I mean finish whatever we have. The other thing is the text message he sent yo me! : my intention is not to desappear, can we meet this week if you have enough time to talk? – I feel like he is saying I could desappear and that will be all, but no, I’m not that kind of man so Im going to tell you. And yes Greta it’s an important relationship because I just move to USA, and it was for him!! So all of my friends now are his friends, and if we break up or finish whatever we have, I will be alone… That’s why I’m so scare!



  154.  #154Femininewoman on July 7, 2011 at 9:03 am

    RE 140 Ella remember that emotions are contagious. Bring the focus back to you as he might just be reflecting back to you the way you feel towards him. I read the email about PAINT YOURSELF IN LOVE and have gotten some great response to feeling messages today. After sharing “I am not feeling good” because of the conversation I was in I was asked “is it all only about feeling good”? I answered for me yes and so I am going to leave, which I did. In a few minutes he came and said I need you back and though I tried to change the conversation he kept going back to me and letting me know he had no bad intention. It felt really powerful. The second instance with someone else where I just shared that I felt disappointed was “please do not feel disappointed at me” with a explanation of what his intention was.



  155.  #155Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 9:10 am

    FW: I feel so much appreciation for you as well. <3



  156.  #156Ella on July 7, 2011 at 9:13 am

    LG I agree,

    For me it is all about how much someone’s life centres around the substance and whether it feels healthy or abusive.

    Eg: most people accept/believe that you can enjoy alcohol and even food moderately.

    And yet both can be abused.

    For me PERSONALLY I feel ok about people who take drugs occasionally in small amounts. Well actually people can do whatever they want… but for my own life I would not want drugs or alcohol to play a bigger part than that.

    And if anything I am moving away from even that.

    And I don’t feel comfortable dating people whose lives are centrered around drugs or alcohol (hmmm that is interesting as most of the men who I CD from the pub are – obviously).

    And it sounds like my CD is not comfortable dating people who do anything other than maybe the odd bit of pot and alcohol.

    And that is why I feel afraid to tell him about my occasional coke, but I would be lieing if I didn’t!

    He was talking about a girl he dated who had a coke problem… and also used heroine. And he had no idea at first… and when he realised he said she would frequently go to he loo on dates when they were having a meal etc…

    I don’t want him to think this is anything like that.

    I would never use heroine AND I wouldn’t take coke on a date or when going for a meal.

    So I don’t think the 2 are comparable… and still feel afraid that he will draw that comparision.

    Oh well, I guess its a risk I take.

    I can only be honest.

    I can also tell him about how this stuff is featuring less and less for me.

    And think I am honestly happy not to bother with housemates spliffs at all.



  157.  #157Ella on July 7, 2011 at 9:19 am

    LG

    For me, I don’t want to be clear about what is right and wrong, as that feels too much like judgement.

    Rather I would like to focus on what feels ok to me or not.

    What do you think?

    xoxox



  158.  #158Mel on July 7, 2011 at 9:20 am

    Found a job posting for my home town which would be good paying/interesting. Found a nice place here (assuming it’s still available) that I could rent and NOT live with a roommate- so I could keep my job. Found a job posting in Switzerland and the requirements for importing pets are less strict so it would actually be possible. I’m going to toss my name into the hat for all three possibilities and hopefully I might end up with some sort of CHOICE. I really just want to feel like I have some sort of choice in what happens next in my life. And positive choices, not sh*tty ones.



  159.  #159Femininewoman on July 7, 2011 at 9:28 am

    I found this very interesting and enlightening.

    Start lighting up your love energy from your core essence
    You’ve created Step One, DESCRIBING the Qualities, Attributes and Characteristics of your Perfect Mate. You were creating a long list of what you wanted the other person to be like in your perfect union. Hopefully, you discovered some things about yourself, even though the list was about another person.

    In Step Two, rather than creating a list, you will formulate a statement that identifies your core essence and that will shine your light for your perfect partner to see!

    STEP TWO – IDENTIFY

    Identify What Makes Me and My Perfect ____________ Tick?

    What Makes ME Tick?

    Based on the Law of Attraction, like attracts like, so what makes you tick will also make your perfect partner tick. You will find that those who are aligned with your tick will naturally be drawn to your radiance, your energy, your vibration. You will find that once you tap into the energy of what makes you tick, you will shine brighter, your energy will increase, and you will draw to you more people who are in alignment with you, especially your perfect partner!

    Your tick is ONE STATEMENT.

    Your tick is the essence of your being. It breathes life into your purpose, your passions, and your life. It is an internal guidance system for you use in making decisions and giving direction to your life.

    Ask yourself the following questions and write down what comes to mind.

    1. What is the most important thing in the world to you?
    2. What motivates you to get out of bed in the morning?

    3. What do you really love about your life?

    4. What do you want to achieve before you leave this world?

    5. What are you doing when you most love your life and feel that you were meant to be doing this more?

    6. What are you doing that makes you feel most alive?

    7. What is the connection between your passions that gives life to them?

    8. What is your purpose?

    9. Who are you BEE-ing when you are most energized and happy?

    Create a list of words based on your answers. See if a statement that captures the essence comes to mind. Practice with different phrases, words, and statements until one really feels right for you. You will know when you have found it – you will feel a tinkling, a thrill, or an “aah, yeah that’s it!” You may even laugh or cry. The wording you choose may evolve over the time as your clarity about yourself increases.

    Have fun with this – play with words, with feelings, and step into your joy – shine your light!

    Step 3 will be delivered to your inbox in 2 days!

    Here’s to your JOY, LOVE and SUCCESS!

    Cheri Valentine



  160.  #160Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 9:37 am

    @148: Ella says:
    “…SLV yes I think I will cancel it if I don’t find cover! …”

    Perhaps curl up someplace at home, relax and work on your… Weebly…!!!

    Congrats on getting web site started.

    xoxo



  161.  #161Femininewoman on July 7, 2011 at 9:39 am

    RE 158 Mel that feels good to read.



  162.  #162Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 9:46 am

    157: Ella says:

    LG

    For me, I don’t want to be clear about what is right and wrong, as that feels too much like judgement.

    Rather I would like to focus on what feels ok to me or not.

    What do you think?

    xoxox

    Thursday, 7 July 2011 @ 9:19am

    Ya, that’s what I was trying to say too although the way I said it felt kind of awkward. When I said “Or getting clear with our beliefs about what is right or wrong”, I meant get clear about areas where we are making judgements about people.

    For me, the message is that it’s all about figuring out what we want in our lives while not condemning other’s behavior because it is all relative and everyone has different ideas about what is okay.

    Thanks for talking through that with me. I got something out of it and I hope you did too.

    Hope you feel better soon!



  163.  #163Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 9:46 am

    @158: Mel

    You’ve found wonderful possibilities. I’m happy for you, proud of you.

    We can be happy in life even though not everything is going exactly the way we first hoped. Sometimes there is a wave of sadness or disappointment mixed in with the joy and excitement but we give ourselves a hug and allow the joy and excitement into our lives.

    Having choices is fun. Creating choices is fun and sexy.

    Hugs.

    😀



  164.  #164Elanesse on July 7, 2011 at 9:48 am

    I feel great and peaceful with you. I feel that the sex is so great with you because during the sex there is no thinking, analyzing, fears, doubts… But there is a lot of thinking before and after. I understand that you “got your fingers burnt”. But I feel fear, that when people try to avoid the bad things they also avoid the good ones.



  165.  #165Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 9:57 am

    Congrats Mel! I feel so happy to hear about your choices.



  166.  #166Mel on July 7, 2011 at 10:00 am

    Not to be negative… but they really aren’t choices yet. Just things I can apply for and hope that they become choices. I’m hesitant to get my hopes up about anything though.

    But I am trying to focus on what I want instead of what I don’t want.



  167.  #167Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Ella: if anything, this might help you to understand where new cd is coming from and enable you to have a heart to heart conversation with him about the topic.

    Also, I feel hopeful that this guy might be a sign that you are starting to attract men into your life whose lives’ (?) do not revolve around drugs. That’s feels good, yes?



  168.  #168Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 10:04 am

    Mel: reminds me of a saying I heard.

    Paraphrase…

    Hope with belief feels enlivening. Hope with doubt feels awful.



  169.  #169Dorothea on July 7, 2011 at 10:06 am

    Trying to reclaim my energy and vibe by NOT looking at my guy’s facebook page. I blocked him from my feed to take away the obvious opportunity to see what he’s up to, but it’s still hard not to just go view his page.

    Honestly, on some days I check his facebook like 60 times in a day.

    This is a very hard thing to do, not lookin at his page. And I know a lot of people have this issue.

    Farkin facebook, man…

    Love/Hate



  170.  #170Ella on July 7, 2011 at 10:08 am

    LG re 162,

    Yes, that is how I see the message too!

    🙂

    Feels great to work on this stuff with you. xx



  171.  #171Ella on July 7, 2011 at 10:14 am

    LG re 167

    Yes this is what I am hoping too!

    Just want to be ready for it and have doubtful NVs trying to convince me I’m not.

    I’m not listening to them!

    xx



  172.  #172Ella on July 7, 2011 at 10:15 am

    Dorothea re 169

    I’m feeling ya… lets do it together.

    If you want FB friend me and then every time you feel like looking at his look at mine instead!!

    xx



  173.  #173Mel on July 7, 2011 at 10:22 am

    “Hope with belief feels enlivening. Hope with doubt feels awful.”

    Thanks LG, I really like that saying. It’s exactly what I needed to hear. 🙂



  174.  #174Ice Princess on July 7, 2011 at 10:22 am

    @ Dorthea #169

    I blocked my guy from reading my wall so that he doesn’t get to see what I am up to without contacting me! I am thinking I need to do what you are doing because I get so jealous when another girl comments on his stuff.



  175.  #175Dorothea on July 7, 2011 at 10:24 am

    Ella, omg I would love that! How do we find each other without divulging our true identities here though? Are you mutual friends with anyone here maybe?



  176.  #176Ella on July 7, 2011 at 10:33 am

    I feel triggered/afraid about J, or others guys blocking me from reading their walls!

    Have no idea if they would/have but it feels icky!



  177.  #177rusty on July 7, 2011 at 10:34 am

    113: Senior Lady Vibe says:

    @31: Ella says:
    “…Waaaaaa Vampire Scream…
    FMs so don’t work on all men…”

    Work on all men? Are you intending your words to control men and bend them to your will like love potions and magic charms? I don’t believe this will do the trick. I believe messages are meant to be messages…

    They tell a man how we are feeling, where our boundaries lie, what we like or don’t like, what we are up to and up for, what and who we are. Messages do that for other women too and children.

    xoxo

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Well said SLV. Often, we men catch on to the fact that you are simply trying to manipulate us into what you want. Other times, we find that some women just think they should get what they want all the time, and other people’s wants desires be damned. When we are thinking straight, we run from these women. A healthy relationship is about enjoying having a positive person in our lives, not about having a puppet, a servant, or whipping boy to serve us. In other words, you aren’t going to get it your way all the time, in a healthy relationship. Be thankful if you get it your way 50% of the time when there are disagreements. If the person you are with is a good compatible match, you should be getting things you want about 75% or more when you combine the 50% when you agree and half of the other 50% when you disagree. Numbers may vary but you get the idea.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    124: Daria says:

    The 4 Rules (for the record):

    1. Don’t try to control your man

    2. Don’t try to control the outcome

    3. Stop yourself before you criticize, advise, judge, warn, coax, suggest, complain, or ask the innocent question

    4. Learn to take “no” for an answer

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    One of the best things I’ve seen you post. And this goes for both men and women. Being in a relationship isn’t just about getting everything you want. If you can’t take no for an answer, if you think the other person doesn’t love or care about you every time they disagree with you or don’t give you your way, then you will be a lonely and unhappy person. Nobody gets every thing they want outside of movies and books. In the real world, you have to have a thicker skin and realize that, often, you won’t have it your way.

    I seem to remember writing a couple of times about that movie with the lawyers and Tom Selleck was one of them. And long story short, the moral of the story was that if you expect everything to go your way, then everything that doesn’t will make you unhappy. If you expect nothing to go your way, then everything you get will make you happy.

    Seems like solid rational thinking to me. I wonder if this is why thinkers seems happier to me than feelers.



  178.  #178turquoise3 on July 7, 2011 at 10:35 am

    Ella, I didn’t follow all of your comments closely, but for someone who doesn’t use drugs at all (except minor alcohol consumption) … I may offer a different perspective.

    I wouldn’t want to date someone who used drugs at all, even pot. It’s a personal preference, not something I want in my life or around my children. It’s just a deeply ingrained part of who I am. My sister married a man who dabbled in pot and occasionally coke when he was young. He swore it would never be more than that, he’d quit. She later found out he was using coke at their wedding, and it devestated her. Over the past 18 years his minor drug use turned very serious (crack), he spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on drugs, stole from her, our family, lost several jobs, was homeless and living in a shelter for awhile, etc. He can’t kick it. He’s been suicidal, almost succeeded several times…. it’s been horrible.

    I’m not saying you are anything like this, or that you’ll turn into this. My point is that for the other person, who doesn’t want that in their life, it’s scary of what could be down the road, what could happen over the course of a long time. My sister has been divorced for a few years now, but since then still gave him several opportunities to shape up, get clean… and he can’t do it for more than a few months. She’s finally moving on with her life, and would never date another person with an addiction again. As the spouse, it pretty much ruined her. She’s finally feeling happy and free, met someone new, is having fun, and in a financially stable place.

    So, maybe since your CD had a bad experience from it, you can understand how he may fear there is more than what you’ve shared. I think it’s amazing you were honest with him. That was so brave!



  179.  #179rusty on July 7, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Mel, it is exciting to see that you have some clear paths in front of you. It is pretty good odds that one of them will open up for you.

    I too feel better now because I feel like I now have directions to go. One, and my preference, is to work things out with my wife and get to a place where we can be happy.

    2nd, and the one I will take at the point I lose hope in the first, is to move to Cali and reunite with my best friend. I’m pretty sire we would end up in business together because we are both driven to succeed.

    Anyway, good luck with your three options and I hope the one that opens up for you is one that will bring you lots of happiness, safety and security.



  180.  #180Ella on July 7, 2011 at 10:40 am

    Dorothea here is my e-mail address (I have posted it before here so no drama’s)

    juliecarmen1@hotmail.com

    If you e-mail me your details then we can find each other on FB. xx



  181.  #181Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 10:43 am

    @166: Mel says:
    “…Not to be negative… but they really aren’t choices yet….”

    The “choices” are thoughts about the possibilities in life, exploring them, taking steps toward them. You are up and moving and feeling your way. If all of these specific situations poof tomorrow you will still have made your start. There are dozens of similar projects available.

    😀



  182.  #182Ella on July 7, 2011 at 10:48 am

    Turquiose

    Re 178 – yes I see that.

    And that is why I am feeling very afraid to tell him.

    And also I know (well you can never know, but I feel) that I will never go down the road your sisters husband did.

    It just wouldn’t feel ok to me, on any level.



  183.  #183Dorothea on July 7, 2011 at 10:49 am

    Marijuana is far safer than alcohol, for both the user, families, and society, and I would greatly prefer that my partner use marijuana than alcohol.



  184.  #184turquoise3 on July 7, 2011 at 10:50 am

    I hope not Ella… he lost pretty much everything over drugs. He thought he could handle it, tried crack once, and that was all it took.



  185.  #185turquoise3 on July 7, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Mel, I like your possibilities 🙂 Did you see that movie with Queen Latifah? She turned her book of dreams into a book of possibilities. 🙂 I’m sure something great will open up for you!



  186.  #186rusty on July 7, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Ella,

    I wanted to comment on the FM’s a minute. I think some of the other women gave you good advice. But let me offer a man’s point of view.

    First, NEVER offer FM’s early in the relationship, except when absolutely necessary. Such as if a man asks you to go to his apartment after the first date. Then maybe say, “I don’t feel comfortable doing that yet. I’ve just met you. Don’t get me wrong, I have really enjoyed our time together tonight, and want to do this again, but let’s not rush things, OK?”

    To put it bluntly, don’t burden the guy with all of your baggage. If you do, any guy who sticks around is going to be there to nursemaid you. Not what you want in the long term.

    Women are looking primarily for security from a man…women like you that is. You have made it clear here that what you want most right now is one man to invest yourself in. Nothing wrong with that. But that doesn’t happen overnight. If you push for that too fast, you will run good men off.

    Learn to just relax and have fun. Don’t expect ANYTHING from a relationship except fun. Make it clear that you aren’t into casual sex, but do make it clear that you are into having fun. Then be a fun person to be around. Smile…A LOT! Laugh…A LOT! Talk about fun and interesting things…A LOT! Suggest possible dates that would be fun to you…like an amusement park. Just say something in passing like, “I haven’t been to an amusement park in a long time…I think that would be fun to do some time.” and leave it at that. Let him decide to “surprise you with that for a date some weekend.

    But simply be fun to be around and a good guy will want to be around you. Good men can take a FM here and there but if you are really just looking for a guy to treat your wounds, you are going to run moist guys off. Why? Because most guys are looking for a woman that is appealing to their eye, and a woman who is fun to be around. And finally, a woman that makes him feel like a man, not a nursemaid.

    I’ve been there. I’ve had women just constantly pour out their feelings, insecurities, sad stories, etc… What I and many men have learned is that women like that aren’t happy people. They are emotional sponges and they suck the life out of you in short order. Everything is about them and their feelings.

    This is why people like Tinque, Rori, and many of the other sirens here will often say to just work on you. By doing this, by learning to become happy WITHOUT a man, you become the kind of woman a healthy minded man is looking for. A woman that doesn’t require him to make her happy.



  187.  #187turquoise3 on July 7, 2011 at 10:54 am

    I don’t know Dorothea…. can you be just a little high? Because you can drink and not get drunk. I’m not a big drinker, and would prefer a man who wasn’t either…. but I also wouldn’t want to date a man who got high.



  188.  #188Ella on July 7, 2011 at 10:55 am

    Rusty re 177

    Pls see my reply to what SLV said further down the blog.

    I didn’t really mean it how it sounded in that post.

    Feeling a bit defensive now.

    I don’t want to manipulate men… I just want them all the love me 😉 (Joking!)



  189.  #189Lilybelle on July 7, 2011 at 10:57 am

    166:

    Mel, I think this is exciting. I like to think of them as options.

    Lots and lots of unlimited options.



  190.  #190Ella on July 7, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Turquiose

    Personally I would never try crack.



  191.  #191Dorothea on July 7, 2011 at 11:04 am

    187: turquoise3No Gravatar says:

    I don’t know Dorothea…. can you be just a little high? Because you can drink and not get drunk. I’m not a big drinker, and would prefer a man who wasn’t either…. but I also wouldn’t want to date a man who got high.
    ————-
    Yes.

    And those who are accustomed to being very high all the time show no significant impairment at work or while driving, in studies that have been conducted in a methodologically sound fashion.

    On the other hand, functional drunks…not so much.

    Blech, drunkies…



  192.  #192Ella on July 7, 2011 at 11:06 am

    Rusty re 186,

    Ok thank you for that.

    Actually I always use FMs, even with very new guys.

    It doesn’t need to be about me or my insecurities… it might be ‘aw it feels so good being out here in the garden’.

    And actually that is what brings men closer to me… And also makes me authentic.

    But sometimes if I have some NVs going on… and I express and it comes out needy, that I can see could scare a guy away.

    I am mostly a very happy, bubbly person on life.

    I come here to vent so you may get to see the full force negative stuff.

    I do not want a man to nursemaid me.

    But what I have learned here, is that it is not cool to ‘make nice’ and pretend all is well if it is not.

    So yes, I intend to be happy, light and carefree most of the time… and am working on just relaxing and staying in the moment… and not having expectatations for relationships…

    And on the other hand I am not going to pretend.

    And if a guy can’t handle the odd blip maybe he is not the one for me…

    Food for thought though.

    I feel a lil weird about finding the balance between being authentic and not comin across like an energy sucker’.

    Don’t reckon I do though.



  193.  #193Plum on July 7, 2011 at 11:07 am

    Nini

    Göttingen, Germany 🙂
    The brothers Grimm worked as teachers and librarian in the University of Gottingen
    You know, the brothers Grimm, who gathered European legends and wrote them down, the fairy tales that were turned into movies by Walt Disney.
    I know it will bring you luck…

    There is a french song called “Gottingen”
    In 1964 the french singer Barbara was invited to sing in the “junges Theater” of  Göttingen.
    It was an invitation for one day.
    She went there not very enthusiastic, remembering her life during the German occupation of France. But she felt so welcomed, the people of Gottingen were so lovely with her, she extended her stay during 6 days.
    The last day, she was in the theatre garden, watching the blond hair little children of Göttingen playing.
    She wrote the song “Göttingen”

    http://www.youtube.com/user/BarbaraEnigmatique#p/u/95/Aad4Bm_Y0So

    You have to know that she is Jewish, and spent 5 years from 1940 to 1945 hiding from place to place in France, because Germany was occupying France and the French official police would catch Jewish people, Bohemian, Romanian etc, anything they call “ethnic” (for being useless to society said the German Nazi) and also homosexuals and handicapped people and they would hand them to the German gestapo who would send them to the Nazi camps spread over Europe.
    (Medicine progressed a lot during these years because the German doctors would make experiment on these people! They operated them and tried products on them and discovered a lot of things.)
    Anyway…
    She was not caught and after the war, in 1945 she started to sing in France in public places. She was 16.

    So I was saying in 1964 she is in Germany, observing the loveliness and innocence of the blond hair children playing and of course we can’t help, even today, but wonder how they can look so lovely when we know their beauty hold in them the ability to torture and kill people in the name of “the blond beautiful look”. And in times of peace, when killing is illegal, their beauty holds in them the despise for the “ethnic” look.

    Right there, on the spot, Barbara wrote a song that says more or less:
    “Love can win.
    Children are innocent and are the same in Paris or in Gottingen and if war should come back and she had to use her gun against the people of Gottingen, her heart would bleed. And too bad if she shocks some people, but she met people in Gottingen and she loves them.
    Gottingen children have learnt our (the French people) history and our souls better than we do and our childhood “once upon a time” fairy tales start in Gottingen. (She refers to the brothers Grimm)
    Paris gives to the lovers the river Seine to walk along, sighing and wishing, yet in Gottingen love finds a way to blossom too.
    Lovers in Paris have the poems of Verlaine, yet Gottingen roses are beautiful etc….
    Gottingen people are the same as Paris People.”

    Needless to say the french people, still healing from war, were shocked and disliked the song at first.

    Yet, the song soon became the symbol of the reconciliation between France and Germany.
    In 2002 a french minister of education wrote a law that says this song must be studied in grammar school.
    In 1988, Barbara was decorated by the city of Gottingen.

    xxx



  194.  #194Ella on July 7, 2011 at 11:09 am

    Rusty did you see the IM conversation I copied and pasted onto here between me and J?

    I would feel really interested to get your perspective on that and whether what I said could be contstrued as negative/drama?



  195.  #195Dorothea on July 7, 2011 at 11:10 am

    goddamnit, one of our mutual friends posted on his wall about a show he’s going to tonight, so it popped up in my news feed! blocking that sh*t too.

    i feel so insecure seeing that he’s going to a bbq and a show. i feel afraid of losing him for good.

    blechhhhhhhhhhh

    i want my viiiibe back.



  196.  #196Ella on July 7, 2011 at 11:16 am

    Rusty,

    I don’t EXPECT things to go my way… and certainly not all the time.

    And I am also very appreciative of what I have.

    On the other hand I do not like it much when I feel overlooked or bad or dismissed.

    And then I will express that… and if it continues I will leave.

    To me thinkers and feelers are just different, and people can swap between the two…

    And for me, being mostly a ‘feeler’ these days, I am just ok with feeling the whole spectrum of emotions… and I am still a mostly happy person.

    In fact MUCH happier than most of the people I know.

    Most of the time… and I attribute a lot of that to being able to express the negative feelings too…



  197.  #197Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 11:18 am

    @177: rusty says:
    “…”Well said SLV. Often, we men catch on to the fact that you are simply trying to manipulate us into what you want…”I’m not in favor of manipulation not even yours in the sentence above… “we men catch on to the fact that you are simply trying to manipulate us into what you want…”:

    That looks kind of mean as I read it. Very aggressive and mean. *I* am not simply trying to manipulate anyone. I’m guessing here this is your idea and not ALL MEN. You probably meant this in another way… *sigh* This is also my reaction when I read people claiming to “feel” things that are impossible to feel such as my liver, the elevator operator’s lunch pail that fell down the well in 1997, what their dates did the night before when out of their presence, the number of burgers cooked in a restaurant across town, my sister-in-law’s opinions and tomorrow’s winning lottery numbers.

    As if the fake “feeling” of it makes it true…

    I feel the house is turning pink at sunset.
    I feel you were never going to loan me the jeep because you saw my puppy was cuter than yours when I put the little green dress on her.

    😆



  198.  #198Ella on July 7, 2011 at 11:18 am

    Dorothea re 195

    Focus back on you hon… he’s not real right now.

    Do ou have your lists? What can you do right now that feels good for you?

    Have you e-mailed me? xxx



  199.  #199rusty on July 7, 2011 at 11:18 am

    194: Ella says:

    Rusty did you see the IM conversation I copied and pasted onto here between me and J?

    I would feel really interested to get your perspective on that and whether what I said could be contstrued as negative/drama?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Didn’t see it and right now don’t have time to find it so if you could repost it, I can look at it.

    Also, I should note that good FM’s like the one you posted above, about feeling good to be there…those are good.

    Basically I am saying to let the man’s feelings for you grow before you load him down with your NVs.

    Also, and this is a huge pet peeve of mine. Listen to the man. For instance, if you say something like, “I feel like men don’t care about my feelings.” And he says that he does…listen to that. He means it. However, that doesn’t mean he will always have the energy, time or patience to deal with it every time you do want to pour out some emotions. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care and yes, it is blamey to put it back on him saying he doesn’t care. If I say I care, I care and I don’t want that questioned just because I may not have the time, patience or energy to deal with a woman’s needs at the moment. It’ really torques me off to have my sincerity questioned just because she isn’t getting her way, or needs, met in the moment. Let a man operate on his own time schedule.



  200.  #200Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 11:19 am

    @Rusty

    And scary too. You are scary.



  201.  #201Turtle Girl on July 7, 2011 at 11:22 am

    Rusty#177

    “But simply be fun to be around and a good guy will want to be around you. Good men can take a FM here and there but if you are really just looking for a guy to treat your wounds, you are going to run moist guys off. Why? Because most guys are looking for a woman that is appealing to their eye, and a woman who is fun to be around. And finally, a woman that makes him feel like a man, not a nursemaid.

    I’ve been there. I’ve had women just constantly pour out their feelings, insecurities, sad stories, etc… What I and many men have learned is that women like that aren’t happy people. They are emotional sponges and they suck the life out of you in short order. Everything is about them and their feelings.”

    These comments seem to me like one of the biggest issues that men and women have today. I wonder if you have read Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus?

    I have dated many men and most of the time you are right “they just want to have fun”. If that is all we women have to look forward to then that is a sad statement about men. We want to have fun as well, but a lot of men that we sirens complain about are the kind who can not even listen or go there with women and their feelings.

    And sadly, some (even more than some) of us women have had lives that are sad, we have been wounded and have been taught that our feelings should be discounted, denied or stuffed down and that we “should act more like men”. This kind of societal training and expectations have made a mess of us.

    Life is wonderful and beautiful and there are many things to love about it and much fun to be had. But if a man cannot or is unwilling to listen and respect our feelings whatever those are, happy, sad or even wounded then it makes it very difficult for us to feel safe or trust that man.

    I have this analogy and it is apt. A little boy is tugging on his moms skirt for attention. She keeps saying -in a minute, in a minute, and he keeps tugging harder.
    The more she denies his need for comfort and attention and a hug or someone to listen for a bit, the worse that child will feel and the more he will tug until its a full blown scream or worse.

    It is the same with women and their feelings, the more we feel comfortable expressing them to a man and the more he listens, the LESS we will need to dump our sadness on him. The more he tries to deflect us, and “just have fun” the MORE we will feel unheard and then we get more sad and angry and all kinds of things happen that are not pretty.

    We women are about our feelings, whether men can handle that or not. We are not looking for a man to “treat our wounds” but simply respect us for the feeling creatures that we are and listen. The longer we go feeling unheard, the worse it gets and “the wounds” get bigger and become even more wounds on top of the ones we already had from no one listening or giving a darn to what we have to say, which is usually about how we feel about something.

    The whole culture today revolves around linear male logic, and that being the only thing important or of value. And of course having fun!

    There is more to life than just “fun”. And there are many voices of women who feel deeply that have a lot of wisdom and value. If a man is only interested in how “fun” I am, then I am not interested in that man.
    Most men I know who only want to have fun are in fact toxic men who have never grown up and not men at all. Not saying that is you. Just sayin. :o) And it has also been my experience that men who only want fun are usually more wounded than the women they profess to not like. They are making a point of going through life in a very shallow manner and not dealing with anything like their own wounds-their own issues and the like. They avoid anything and everything has has to do with “serious stuff” or “issues”. Women call them emotionally unavailable or toxic, because they are.

    Give me a man who can comfort me when I feel sad, who can hug me when life is not always “fun”, a man who can also be there for the fun times as well.



  202.  #202Dorothea on July 7, 2011 at 11:23 am

    Well I am at work, so I will just focus on that:)



  203.  #203Mel on July 7, 2011 at 11:27 am

    Well said Turtle Girl! This is exactly how I feel about the men I would like to attract in my life!



  204.  #204tinque on July 7, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Simply Shannon – Thank you so very much. Posting a video of myself felt hard. I can still want to go and tear it all apart, so I listen to those who know and care, and I believe them, and so it stands as is.

    I really love it too. It was a wonderful collaboration with Siena and team.

    xxoo



  205.  #205tinque on July 7, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Thank you Daria – I feel all warm and cozy inside reading this from you…

    xxoo



  206.  #206tinque on July 7, 2011 at 11:33 am

    kaitlyn- thanks to you as well. I won’t respond to your pleas just yet until I’ve had a chance to read who said what to you. If I have anything to add, I will.

    Red is my favorite color, so passionate, so warm, so inviting…

    xxoo



  207.  #207Ella on July 7, 2011 at 11:36 am

    @ Rusty,

    Thanks… Ok. maybe I’ll re-post it.

    ———————————————–

    “Also, and this is a huge pet peeve of mine. Listen to the man. For instance, if you say something like, “I feel like men don’t care about my feelings.” And he says that he does…listen to that. He means it. However, that doesn’t mean he will always have the energy, time or patience to deal with it every time you do want to pour out some emotions. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care and yes, it is blamey to put it back on him saying he doesn’t care. If I say I care, I care and I don’t want that questioned just because I may not have the time, patience or energy to deal with a woman’s needs at the moment. It’ really torques me off to have my sincerity questioned just because she isn’t getting her way, or needs, met in the moment. Let a man operate on his own time schedule”

    Getting the impression maybe this stuff is more your stuff than about me?

    I feel curious about this and wonder if I have triggered you.

    I feel disconnected with what you are saying in above and don’t really see myself like that.

    xx



  208.  #208tinque on July 7, 2011 at 11:37 am

    And Emerson too – I feel so grateful for all of you, so much love, so much lovely support.

    xxoo



  209.  #209Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 11:45 am

    “When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, “Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe?” — Quentin Crisp



  210.  #210ZD on July 7, 2011 at 11:47 am

    havent been here in a while but feels great to be back. I read comments from you guys and know that I am not alone in everything that I’m going through.

    i feel so vulnerable right now. Feel like i just lost the guy i’ve been with in-exclusively for almost two years now to a girl from his home town. She says theyve been friends for the past ten years. However they just recently started talking… i guess they text and i kno they talk on twitter because i see it but I know they dont see each other. Even when he did go back home last week they did not see each other.

    I think she’s mad at him right now for continuing to speak to me and text me. I did stop texting him for a week when i first found out about them and he made no effort to contact me.

    When i did start texting him again, he would not stop until he fell asleep and would continue texting me the next day.

    I feel really confused because before i found out about them i did spend the night over at his because it was his first night back in town and my last night in town for a while.

    That night i felt so deeply connected to him, although i was leaning back, he looked at me so lovingly, kept touching me, massaging my back, kissing me and he hugged me all through the night.

    I was out of contact for a few days and during those three days he had begun tweeting about how much he loved this girl, right after he had just sent me a video of something we both used to laugh at together.

    I finally told him how i felt about it all late two nights ago. We were up tweeting and texting until 5 am. I told him i feel uncomfortable talking to him and feeling like i cant tweet however i want out of fear of disrespecting their relationship in some way.

    I told him i love talking to him and but i hate the awkward feeling i get when i do. I hate feeling confused about the whole situation. I feel like the sudden changes are a lot for me to adjust to and it makes it hard for me to even be a friend to him.

    This is hard for me. I feel like i still love him. I feel a little bit happy that she is mad at him (as bad as that sounds).

    I feel like he is still a good person, he was so good to me before all of this and that makes it so confusing that for a while i had feelings of hatred towards him. I even had feelings of hatred for her. I dont want to hate people, it really doesnt feel good. Confusion feels even worse. It would feel so much better if everyone just said what they felt and made their decisions clear.

    Most of all, i feel hurt when i think about it all.



  211.  #211Ella on July 7, 2011 at 11:50 am

    Rusty,

    Here is IM conv.

    I appreciate your input as a man.

    Ok so he had contacted and asked me to call him when I had some free time. I had text that I had some free time over the weekend and not heard back. This was the next day.

    Him: but spose a lazy day i could put your shelf up always a bonus..

    Me: Which feels weird as I don’t know you that well.

    Him: well i liturally am what youve seensoo i mean go by it or not.. I wear my hear on my sleeve, what you see is what you get.

    Me: Lol Cool

    Him: I am what you have seen

    Me: I feel happy

    Him: i feel like your very unsure about me all of a sudden..

    Me: Do u?Hmmm, feeling kinda mixed. I felt amazing when we hung out…U know what that sheeps mask makes me feel a lil freaked out cus I can’t see u… know it sounds weird.. (he had on a mask in his FB profile pic)

    Him: see thats why your cool..
    Hang on a minute… there picture changed.

    Me: lol Pic hasn’t changed on here yet..

    Him: Well I am not a magic man. I am a science man.

    Me: And that you went and changed it feels like ‘awww’

    Him: Look I really like you.

    Me: And that feels GREAT

    Him: i know that sounds dumb as F8ck but when i meet someone for a night it’s usually just sex so with you to still be interested with only your company and the hugging is just really cooland im not a f8cken slaper im just saying..

    Me: I am laughing out loud at your last statement. I
    I didn’t think you were!
    Err, I know what you mean.
    I feel like that too and it makes me feel…. scared

    Him: No, not at all, its amazingly cool!

    Me: Yep that too

    Him: im outa credit and have of recent lost my bank card incase your wondering why i havent given you a reply. but of course id love to see you this weekend! are you thinking of taking me some place special or do you have a laaazy day in mind. or would you prefer me to asert myself as the man and deside what we do though with my lack of money the options may not be a ball of glitter. xxxx..

    Me: Hey hon, Cool cool. Weeeel, it would feel best to me if you made the plan so I am happy with whatever you decide. Yep always feels good when a man asserts himself
    Am happy with doing something cheap/free and I am sure it will be a ball of gliter anyway. xxx..

    Him: right i dont know why i opted for myself bringing up the idea’s for what the options are for this weekend cus all i can think of is walk’s and i dont even like walks reallyso im thinking another lazy day i know that sounds dull as hell but i just cant have you taking me out cus im broke as a jokeplus wasting time is never really wasted if you enjoy the time you waste and i really enjoyed my time with you so… what say you?oi!!!c’mon i want a reply or im just gonna call youthe awnser machine has got the best of me damn you julie!look i do really wanna see you so just gimme a call on my mobile watever the time ok? xxxx..

    Me: Sorry hon was in the shower.

    Him: right i miss youand im lonely..

    Me: Awww, that feels niceMe too..

    Him: can i not come round or something not for sex just a night together..

    Me: Errr, I feel a little bit uncomfortable..

    Him: Ok we’ll leave that.

    Me: I would rather wait and make a plan. I want to feel cofortable, good and safe.

    Him: yeah i understand that i dont wanna freak you out..

    Me: lol

    Him: By all means I just quite miss you

    Me: I am giggling now

    Him: I hope you understand

    Me: And smiling

    Him: plus read my earlier message’s cus my idea’s are shit i mean a wlk really??!!!all i can think when im this broke though..

    Me: … No, I feel quite happy to have a lazy day with you… and even the walking sounds ok (I quite like walking)… I just don’t want to meet tonightReeaally soon though:-)Btw – I miss you too..

    Me: Pic much better now btw

    Him: i could very happily just lay in bed with youand i dont really get that(again not a slapper)and thank you..

    Me: You are Welcome.I feel really good about it too…And kinda awed..

    Him: You just said a word I don’t know

    Me: Awed, eg in awe of the situation.
    Do you know now?

    Him: yes

    Me: …. and the scared part is iin case we met and it wasn’t the same!:-(..

    Him: Woah woah, negative or what.

    Me: Yeah I know I am just sayin.

    Him: ok well if thats the case your worried about just make sure were pissed before we meet eachother again!problem solved..

    Me: Lol ha ha Oh gosh I am lmao. yep cool..

    Him: cus I am not not seeing you again

    Me: Oh really! (I thought he was saying he didn’t want to meet up again…)

    Him: Yeah really

    Me: As if you would have a chance!!!! (what I should have said was I am feeling defensive)

    Him: I am shocked and appawled

    Me: Me too I feel sad and pouty

    Him: for someone who just lorded over their superiority you should feel sad.. (btw I know this sounds harsh and he is saying it jokingly… I know this from spending time with him… v dry sense humour)

    Me: Hmmm, I feel confused now.

    Him: ok well i cant be arsed so we’ll let that one sliiiide. but im saying how do you feel about another lazy day this weekend?cus if you want us to go out clubbing you’ll be paying..

    Me: Lazy day would feel amazing

    Him: plus im sure i could rummage up a cheap bottle of boos if you feel the need to get pissedjust incase you want it to be exact to last time..

    Me: Lol… I’m sure I can manage without, and if you want to bring some you can…That will only work if it is SUPER HOT! (trhe weather)

    Him: Oh gosh itr was hot!

    Me: I still confused abou you saying we weren’t going to see each other, and now we are

    Him: When did I say that?

    Me: errr, above!

    Then I re-read it…

    Me: Oh, just saw the double negativeI get it now!Hmmm, need to read slower..

    Him: sorryim not gonna liemy take on the english language isent exactly normall..

    Me: Ha ha I know, it is interesting

    Him: but yes that was a ID LOVE TO SEE YOU AGIAN!!!!!..

    Me: Ah, that makes more sense. I feel less confused.

    Him: im gladi hate to confuse i get it enough..

    Me: do you? Me tooI don’t mind…..

    Him: And now I love you even more

    Me: feels uncomforable sometimes… and then when you get through it its like ‘ahhh’ yeah I get it…and then you feel closer to that person..usually, kinda coolAwww, thanks hon..

    Him: b-e-a-utifullok look im gonna call it a night for me..

    Me: Ok night night.

    Him: i shall be calling you tommorow though so dont let it go to awnser phoneor dont just hand up on me like i saw the other day*hang..

    Me: It might… if I am working. And if you ask me to call you back I will.That was different thing altogether..

    Him: true you where with me..

    Me: That is EXACTLY what I was just typingAnd so my attention was with you..

    Him: We got that connection

    Me: Anyway I am feeling tired

    Him: same

    Me: Going to get some sleep. Night.

    Him: yep talk tomorow(really am digging you right now)xxxxx..

    Me: Awww, and me you. Feels good. Night. xxx

    ———————————————–

    And then I haven’t heard from him since.

    This was over a week ago.



  212.  #212Ella on July 7, 2011 at 11:52 am

    Awww,

    for flicks sake….

    It came out all muddled again

    Grrr.

    Messages got mixed up.

    Right I am gonna try again



  213.  #213Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 11:54 am

    Tinque: Your site feels so warm and feminine and inviting to me. Yum! I feel excited to order some skincare products from you, hopefully soon!

    SLV: I feel curious, is my first FM here the type that you don’t believe in?

    If so, I get your point that we can’t know how something or someone feels…yet as a feeler on the Meyers-Briggs, the above FM makes perfect sense to me.



  214.  #214Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 11:54 am

    @201: Turtle Girl says:
    “…Give me a man who can comfort me when I feel sad, who can hug me when life is not always “fun”, a man who can also be there for the fun times as well…”

    Yes, that’s it. Looking for a good one can be rather a quest. Many men don’t have the ability. So it won’t matter too much which woman one of those imen s with as long as it’s a woman that fits the description he likes so he can hop to the next one if the first is late coming home, or in childbirth, or maybe has a broken arm or something.

    xoxo



  215.  #215Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 11:59 am

    @213: Laughing Goddess says:
    “…SLV: I feel curious, is my first FM here the type that you don’t believe in? …”

    I don’t know your religion. I remember some things you posted, so we don’t believe the same there. I don’t know particular FM you mention. Is it a real feeling or fake?



  216.  #216Dorothea on July 7, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    Well, Ella, thank you! And now I am your FB stalker. Creeeepy muahahahahah.

    Thank you so much, though. Really. I feel so good and grateful having an alternative outlet for the immediate urge to view his page.



  217.  #217Ella on July 7, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    K…

    here it is in the right order:

    Him: im outa credit and have of recent lost my bank card incase your wondering why i havent given you a reply. but of course id love to see you this weekend! are you thinking of taking me some place special or do you have a laaazy day in mind. or would you prefer me to asert myself as the man and deside what we do though with my lack of money the options may not be a ball of glitter. xxxx..

    Me: Hey hon, Cool cool. Weeeel, it would feel best to me if you made the plan so I am happy with whatever you decide. Yep always feels good when a man asserts himself
    Am happy with doing something cheap/free and I am sure it will be a ball of gliter anyway. xxx..

    Him: right i dont know why i opted for myself bringing up the idea’s for what the options are for this weekend cus all i can think of is walk’s and i dont even like walks reallyso im thinking another lazy day i know that sounds dull as hell but i just cant have you taking me out cus im broke as a jokeplus wasting time is never really wasted if you enjoy the time you waste and i really enjoyed my time with you so… what say you?oi!!!c’mon i want a reply or im just gonna call youthe awnser machine has got the best of me damn you julie!look i do really wanna see you so just gimme a call on my mobile watever the time ok? xxxx..

    Me: Sorry hon was in the shower.

    Him: right i miss youand im lonely..

    Me: Awww, that feels niceMe too..

    Him: can i not come round or something not for sex just a night together..

    Me: Errr, I feel a little bit uncomfortable..

    Him: Ok we’ll leave that.

    Me: I would rather wait and make a plan. I want to feel cofortable, good and safe.

    Him: yeah i understand that i dont wanna freak you out..

    Me: lol

    Him: By all means I just quite miss you

    Me: I am giggling now

    Him: I hope you understand

    Me: And smiling

    Him: plus read my earlier message’s cus my idea’s are shit i mean a wlk really??!!!all i can think when im this broke though..

    Me: … No, I feel quite happy to have a lazy day with you… and even the walking sounds ok (I quite like walking)… I just don’t want to meet tonightReeaally soon though:-)Btw – I miss you too..

    Him: but spose a lazy day i could put your shelf up always a bonus..

    Me: Which feels weird as I don’t know you that well.

    Him: well i liturally am what youve seensoo i mean go by it or not.. I wear my hear on my sleeve, what you see is what you get.

    Me: Lol Cool

    Him: I am what you have seen

    Me: I feel happy

    Him: i feel like your very unsure about me all of a sudden..

    Me: Do u?Hmmm, feeling kinda mixed. I felt amazing when we hung out…U know what that sheeps mask makes me feel a lil freaked out cus I can’t see u… know it sounds weird.. (he had on a mask in his FB profile pic)

    Him: see thats why your cool..
    Hang on a minute… there picture changed.

    Me: lol Pic hasn’t changed on here yet..

    Him: Well I am not a magic man. I am a science man.

    Me: And that you went and changed it feels like ‘awww’

    Him: Look I really like you.

    Me: And that feels GREAT

    Him: i know that sounds dumb as F8ck but when i meet someone for a night it’s usually just sex so with you to still be interested with only your company and the hugging is just really cooland im not a f8cken slaper im just saying..

    Me: I am laughing out loud at your last statement. I
    I didn’t think you were!
    Err, I know what you mean.
    I feel like that too and it makes me feel…. scared

    Him: No, not at all, its amazingly cool!

    Me: Yep that too

    Me: Pic much better now btw

    Him: i could very happily just lay in bed with youand i dont really get that(again not a slapper)and thank you..

    Me: You are Welcome.I feel really good about it too…And kinda awed..

    Him: You just said a word I don’t know

    Me: Awed, eg in awe of the situation.
    Do you know now?

    Him: yes

    Me: …. and the scared part is iin case we met and it wasn’t the same!:-(..

    Him: Woah woah, negative or what.

    Me: Yeah I know I am just sayin.

    Him: ok well if thats the case your worried about just make sure were pissed before we meet eachother again!problem solved..

    Me: Lol ha ha Oh gosh I am lmao. yep cool..

    Him: cus I am not not seeing you again

    Me: Oh really! (I thought he was saying he didn’t want to meet up again…)

    Him: Yeah really

    Me: As if you would have a chance!!!! (what I should have said was I am feeling defensive)

    Him: I am shocked and appawled

    Me: Me too I feel sad and pouty

    Him: for someone who just lorded over their superiority you should feel sad.. (btw I know this sounds harsh and he is saying it jokingly… I know this from spending time with him… v dry sense humour)

    Me: Hmmm, I feel confused now.

    Him: ok well i cant be arsed so we’ll let that one sliiiide. but im saying how do you feel about another lazy day this weekend?cus if you want us to go out clubbing you’ll be paying..

    Me: Lazy day would feel amazing

    Him: plus im sure i could rummage up a cheap bottle of boos if you feel the need to get pissedjust incase you want it to be exact to last time..

    Me: Lol… I’m sure I can manage without, and if you want to bring some you can…That will only work if it is SUPER HOT! (trhe weather)

    Him: Oh gosh itr was hot!

    Me: I still confused abou you saying we weren’t going to see each other, and now we are

    Him: When did I say that?

    Me: errr, above!

    Then I re-read it…

    Me: Oh, just saw the double negativeI get it now!Hmmm, need to read slower..

    Him: sorryim not gonna liemy take on the english language isent exactly normall..

    Me: Ha ha I know, it is interesting

    Him: but yes that was a ID LOVE TO SEE YOU AGIAN!!!!!..

    Me: Ah, that makes more sense. I feel less confused.

    Him: im gladi hate to confuse i get it enough..

    Me: do you? Me tooI don’t mind…..

    Him: And now I love you even more

    Me: feels uncomforable sometimes… and then when you get through it its like ‘ahhh’ yeah I get it…and then you feel closer to that person..usually, kinda coolAwww, thanks hon..

    Him: b-e-a-utifullok look im gonna call it a night for me..

    Me: Ok night night.

    Him: i shall be calling you tommorow though so dont let it go to awnser phoneor dont just hand up on me like i saw the other day*hang..

    Me: It might… if I am working. And if you ask me to call you back I will.That was different thing altogether..

    Him: true you where with me..

    Me: That is EXACTLY what I was just typingAnd so my attention was with you..

    Him: We got that connection

    Me: Anyway I am feeling tired

    Him: same

    Me: Going to get some sleep. Night.

    Him: yep talk tomorow(really am digging you right now)xxxxx..

    Me: Awww, and me you. Feels good. Night. xxx



  218.  #218Ella on July 7, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    Dorothea … you are welcome.

    Yay, I feel good having a FB stalker, and someone to legally FB stalk!

    Woohoo. 🙂



  219.  #219Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    SLV:

    “Your site feels so warm and feminine and inviting to me.”

    I consider myself spiritual but not religious 😉



  220.  #220Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    @LG

    If you mean the Quentin Crisp quote. That was just a quote I found interesting when I ran across it a few minutes ago on another forum. I didn’t post it as a “feeling message.” Is that what you meant?



  221.  #221Ella on July 7, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    Rusty ok,

    Pls ignore 211 and instead read 217.



  222.  #222tinque on July 7, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    Laughing Goddess – muah 🙂

    xxoo



  223.  #223Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    @#219: Laughing Goddess says:
    “SLV:
    “Your site feels so warm and feminine and inviting to me.”

    Which one? I never thought of any web pages of mine being particularly feminine. But… I’d like to do some! And I will! Stay tuned. Maybe not totally feminine but sort of like me. Womanly… LOL

    xoxo



  224.  #224tinque on July 7, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    SLV – You crack me up…

    I want to see the bright colors. For me, please?

    xxoo



  225.  #225ZD on July 7, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    @ Ella, u guys didnt hang out anymore? 🙁



  226.  #226Ella on July 7, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    ZD,

    No he never contacted me.

    Which is why I have been feelig so confused about it… and keep banging on about it on here…

    And I think it would be useful to get a male’s perspective hence asking Rusty for his take..

    And then I really need to drop it.

    xoxox



  227.  #227Ella on July 7, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    Tinque,

    The new site is FAB!

    And I love that the skincare products are easier to find.

    🙂 xx



  228.  #228ZD on July 7, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    @Ella yeah i think we need his opinion on it because it is quite odd i read the whole conversation and i felt good about the way he spoke to you and that he would come see you.



  229.  #229Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    @LG

    Ohhhh, now I get it. I was looking all around trying to find the “belief” FM…. LOL 😆

    It’s this one, right? 😳

    …Tinque: Your site feels so warm and feminine and inviting to me. Yum! I feel excited to order some skincare products from you, hopefully soon!…”

    OK, I see a lot of feelings there. Not that. I was referring earlier to the ones that are not “feelings” not real, “fake-o.” When 1st manipulates 2nd by claiming to express emotion when it’s not at all.

    Such as…

    I feel like you only drove me in your father’s car because you’re keeping your own car nice and shiny for your ex wife to drive.

    I feel like you are trying to make me mad by not calling me enough during the week.

    Those things… LOL

    I’ve seen much juicier ones in posts. 😆 Sometimes I type them out just to get my mind around the more incredible ones. I usually delete and do not submit.



  230.  #230tinque on July 7, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    Thank you Ella – Even though you’ve pretty much already decided, I think you need to stay home too. You can’t give of yourself if you’re feeling so badly. You would be cheating your students. I like SLV’s suggestion. Maybe some extra time in the next class?

    xxoo



  231.  #231Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    @224: tinque says:
    “..SLV – You crack me up…
    I want to see the bright colors. For me, please? …”

    Maybe I am cracked I didn’t get much sleep last night and obviously slow on the uptake today. I’m even arguing with “Sweetie.” “You’re just sitting there not helping me fix these files!!!”
    😆

    What colors? The ones in those little cheapie garments I bought? They are still in bag on chair… I guess I should hang up. hahahaha. Is that what you mean?

    BTW, I might “knock off” your site. Not really… LOL
    But I’d planned a red one and with some “bubbles” in it. Just some fun stuff.

    xoxo



  232.  #232tinque on July 7, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    You are cracked. as much as I who too did not get much sleep and had wonderful, fabulous ballet class for three hours this AM. I am so in love.

    Steal from me? Ooh I’m telling…lol

    Yes silly, the clothes still in the bag on your chair. I’ll wear mine if you wear yours.

    I’ll be happy to help you with your files, but it’s likely I will mess them up royally. Tiara and all…

    xxoo



  233.  #233Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    “Defeat isn’t getting knocked down; defeat is staying down.”
    ~ (I don’t know, somebody… I just swiped it…)



  234.  #234ZD on July 7, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    I dont even know you ladies but I LOVE all of you so much. Just wanted you all to know that. When i read your posts i care so much about your well-beings because i feel so much emotion from all of you and i know you are all just so REAL and so AWESOME. <3



  235.  #235Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    @232: tinque says:
    “…fabulous ballet class for three hours this AM. I am so in love….”

    Three hours? No wonder you are so tiny. Now I am moved to go out for some exercise. Would three hours of walking compare. No not even close and I can’t walk three hours either I think.

    But you are an inspiration. I regifted one of last year’s b’day gifts. A pedometer. Maybe use it this summer.

    “Steal from me? Ooh I’m telling…lol…”

    Not really… Besides I always “steal” and make them my own. No, kidding though I had planned a red one. But also a dark pink and a green. I might as well do every color. I mostly have blue, white, grey and dark blue and black and white. I don’t have purple!

    I need to take an inventory, will finish end of year. Very boring…

    xoxo



  236.  #236Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    SLV: re 229

    Yes, I feel a bit riled when I read blame masked as a “FM”.

    The reason I asked is because when I was writing that fm to Tinque, “Your site feels so warm and feminine and inviting to me”, I realized that I was doing what you spike about above, to Rusty if I remember correctly, claiming to know how something feels.

    In my mind, my statement wouldn’t be a technical feeling message but more like poetry or using creative license. Which works when it’s a positive but can come across as blamey (?) when negative.

    Your site feels cold and masculine and uninviting to me.

    I dunno…

    I’m just pondering here. I’m feeling diligent about removing any blame vibes from my speech so I find this topic interesting.



  237.  #237Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    This didn’t come out as I intended…

    “The reason I asked is because when I was writing that fm to Tinque, “Your site feels so warm and feminine and inviting to me”, I realized that I was doing what you spike about above, to Rusty if I remember correctly, claiming to know how something feels.”

    should be…

    I realized that I was doing what you spoke about above how some feeling messages claim to know how other people or objects are feeling.

    I feel unsure if I am making any sense here 🙂



  238.  #238rusty on July 7, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    201: Turtle Girl

    WOW Turtle Girl. So much projecting and so little understanding. Here’s a start. Try reading my post again. Notice that I said “IN THE BEGINNING”, or in the early part of the relationship.

    In other words, let the relationship mature a little bit before dumping things on the guy.

    At the same time, you still have to have some self introspection and self analysis. Are you a needy person? Are you constantly a mess of emotions? If so, good luck having a good relationship with any man, even the most patient of men have their limits.

    That was my point. My point was that you should never ever express your emotions.

    When I say this I am speaking about women like my wife’s friend who is always whiny and always talking about herself and her emotions and her loneliness and problems.



  239.  #239rusty on July 7, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    201: Turtle Girl says:

    And sadly, some (even more than some) of us women have had lives that are sad, we have been wounded and have been taught that our feelings should be discounted, denied or stuffed down and that we “should act more like men”. This kind of societal training and expectations have made a mess of us.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Funny, many men feel like the last few decades we men were being told, scolded and forced to be more like women, and it was making a mess of us. So most of us stopped and got back to being men. We are logical, thinkers, and we are like that for a reason because we are builders, hunters, etc… Too much emotional baggage drains us of our energy.

    I’m not talking about a mentally healthy woman who has an occasional bad day needing somebody to listen. I’m talking about the women I’ve known that are emotionally needy.



  240.  #240Dorothea on July 7, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    rusty, sometimes you’re kind of an a-hole, and not always right.



  241.  #241rusty on July 7, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    201: Turtle Girl says:

    They avoid anything and everything has has to do with “serious stuff” or “issues”. Women call them emotionally unavailable or toxic, because they are.

    Give me a man who can comfort me when I feel sad, who can hug me when life is not always “fun”, a man who can also be there for the fun times as well.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    And then there are the women who can’t get on with life because they are so wrapped up and ruled by their emotions that it interferes with just getting on with life.

    Men call them emotionally unstable and toxic, because they are. Give me a woman who has emotions, can express them, but isn’t RULED by them. A woman who isn’t a slave to her emotions. That’s a woman who has greatness about her.



  242.  #242rusty on July 7, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    240: Dorothea says:

    rusty, sometimes you’re kind of an a-hole

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    And then some.



  243.  #243rusty on July 7, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    240: Dorothea says:

    and not always right.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Nonsense.



  244.  #244Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    I feel nervous to say this because I don’t want to cause conflict…

    Yet I feel really appreciative and in agreement with what Rusty is saying in this current discussion.

    In my mind, what he is saying right in alignment with what Rori says…

    That men fall in love when we are able to connect with their hearts. They do this when they see that we are able to handle our own emotions. It let’s them know that we will be able to handle theirs as well.

    And I totally get what TG is saying too. I know I want a man who can just listen and console me or cheer me up when I need it. Yet I find when I am depending on him for that because I am not able to do it myself, I start to feel angry and resentful towards him when he doesn’t do it exactly right rather than feeling appreciative of his efforts.



  245.  #245Lilybelle on July 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    238:

    I just wrote out a big ole FM followed by some Don’t wants and some wants but decided to delete.

    Just didn’t feel good to me to do it.

    TG~ I so agree with you.



  246.  #246Dorothea on July 7, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    rusty,
    but generally very funny:P



  247.  #247Ella on July 7, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    @ Rusty

    2Men call them emotionally unstable and toxic, because they are. Give me a woman who has emotions, can express them, but isn’t RULED by them. A woman who isn’t a slave to her emotions. That’s a woman who has greatness about her.2

    Yep – that is exactly what we about creating here as far as I know… and not by trying to ‘stuff’ all negative emotions, rather we learn to feel them and deal with them, so that we can get back to peaceful and happy soon.

    A Siren can feel all her emotions, without the need to create drama.

    For me learning to actually STOP and feel my emotions has actually allowed me to get on with my life more easily, rather than being stuck…

    So Rusty I think we Sirens are working towards the same thing you say you want in a woman, maybe just not in the way you would expect.

    And I think when guys realise that we are not all about drama just cus we acknowledged a negative feeling, they feel safe with us.

    What do you think?

    Btw – I love that men are mainly logical, hunter, doing type beings… and we contrast and compliment by being mainly emotional beings.

    If we can be like that w/o all the drama, that is when the magic happens.



  248.  #248Femininewoman on July 7, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    RE 235 SLV I am doing a Zumba class with a ballet teacher. She spends time doing stretching exercises that dancers do adn already after only 2 and a half weeks see some lengthening in my muscles. I believe the movements look very feminine and graceful and she incorporates some into her classes as well as toning. I also love dancing and am enjoying it very much. From what I am seeing I believe within 4 weeks I will see some real changes. I now believe that dancing makes a distinct difference, separate and apart from exercising or walking.



  249.  #249Wildflower on July 7, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    off to my very first pole dancing class ever. i feel excited but nervous. i feel a tingling in my chest. if i’m feeling particulary adventurous i may take the seductive dance class. or i may ease in to it and wait until next time. i don’t want to feel overwhelmed.



  250.  #250Dorothea on July 7, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    For me, feeling messages and learning to notice and identify my feelings has made relationships worse for me.

    I get stuck on feeling that way, and noticing it, and saying to myself HEY i don’t want to feel this way! i deserve better!

    it turns into a lot lot lot of drama.

    i started seeing a therapist to deal with this in a better way.

    because i’m sensitive, and i’d like to stay that way:)



  251.  #251rusty on July 7, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    244: Laughing Goddess

    Thank you for getting it. I was simply saying to Elle to be careful about using too many FMs early in the relationships so as to not appear to be ruled by her emotions and feelings, and especially her NVs. In the beginning she shouldn’t bring up anything negative. It is simply common sense. The guy has no emotional investment in her yet. He hasn’t connected with her emotionally so it simply isn’t the time to start talking about deep issues.

    At the same time, I was also talking about how some women unload everything negative that has ever happened to them in their love life. I think it is an attempt to show the person what they have been through, maybe in hopes that the person will reassure her that he is not like that. Problem is that doing this is very unappealing to the guy. So many negative issues I can go into regarding this, but suffice it say that a man isn’t looking for emotional baggage. He’s looking for that warrior goddess to have his back. Show him that you are, and then he will then look after your needs.



  252.  #252Femininewoman on July 7, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    RE 249 Wildflower I am debating with myself about making that my next assignment. Pole dancing just seem like something out of my realm or comfort zone. Though I don’t know much about it.



  253.  #253Ella on July 7, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    Yesterday I e-mailed one of my CDs with ‘I need to be looked after. I am feeling so overwhelmed right now. I need big stronmg arms.’

    He has known me a while.

    He replied back with that he is going to come and see me soon. He wants to take care of me and love me.

    I replied with ‘aww, that feels so good. Thank you’.

    Nothing else really matters.

    Just that I expressed how I felt (even though it was negative and I was feeling needy) in a nonb blaming way, and he stepped up to take care of me.

    And then I appreciated his efforts, even if they are not EXACTLY what I would have wanted.

    I still appreaciated that he had taken the time to take care of my feelings.

    And the whole exchange felt … good.



  254.  #254alias girl on July 7, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    #209 SVL

    LOL!!!!!!



  255.  #255Ella on July 7, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    FW – I do Pole Dancing for fun… and I LOVE it.

    And I can tell you that ANYONE can do it, regardless of size, age, gracefulness etc…

    The place where I learn has women from all walks of life, and they are all brilliant, and once a year they put a show on and EVERY woman dances.

    And they all look good.

    Try it, what do you have to lose.

    I love it and it makes me feel sexy and strong.

    xoxoxxo



  256.  #256Femininewoman on July 7, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    RE 251 Rusty I have information from other relationship coaches who say the same thing. However, when we are used to spewing as a normal way of being it is not easy to step back and see oneself. Rori sent out a Interview with Johnathan Aslay recently where he talks about guys knowing about our past because the recent x shows up in our conversations and the current guy senses him standing behind us. As in him paying for the ex’s errors. Many coaches recommend taking care of the past before going into new relationships because the ghosts of the past tend to haunt us.



  257.  #257Femininewoman on July 7, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    RE 255 Thanks Ella. Sounds like something I needed to hear. Now I definitely will try to do it before the end of the summer.



  258.  #258Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    Rusty:

    “Also, and this is a huge pet peeve of mine. Listen to the man. For instance, if you say something like, “I feel like men don’t care about my feelings.” And he says that he does…listen to that. He means it. However, that doesn’t mean he will always have the energy, time or patience to deal with it every time you do want to pour out some emotions. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care and yes, it is blamey to put it back on him saying he doesn’t care. If I say I care, I care and I don’t want that questioned just because I may not have the time, patience or energy to deal with a woman’s needs at the moment. It’ really torques me off to have my sincerity questioned just because she isn’t getting her way, or needs, met in the moment. Let a man operate on his own time schedule.”

    *****************************

    I feel interested in this. I’ve seen a pattern in the way conflict develops in my relationship.

    It starts with me feeling angry towards him about something he did and I’ll try to use a feeling message.

    e.g. “I feel so angry that that thing didn’t get done”

    And he will get defensive and try to explain why he did something.

    I used to get really irked by this. I thought that he was just being explainey and defensive and wasn’t showing any concern about how I was feeling.

    Over time, I have come to realize that it’s just that he doesn’t want me thinking that he upset me on purpose so he tries to explain what happened.

    To me though, it seems like he is ignoring my feelings and trying to re-explain a situation. Almost like he is trying to reform my mental perception of what happened.

    This have been the pattern in all of our big conflicts.

    I feel more understanding now that he just wants me to know that he didn’t intentionally try to upset me. I feel more soft about him when I see it this way.

    He is the best listener when I am sharing my feelings about anything else other than him. He will listen and give me all the support I could ask for. *I definitely don’t overdo it though* but when it comes to negative feelings I have about him, I have to tread very very carefully with how I express it, otherwise I get the explanations and defense.

    I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t care about my feeling but that it’s just really upsetting for him to think he caused negative emotions in me when he wants nothing more than to make me happy.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.



  259.  #259Femininewoman on July 7, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    RE 253 Ella I sense the key is “he has known me for a while”.



  260.  #260Ella on July 7, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    Rusy re 251

    Yes I think this kind of unloading is a turn off, not just for men, but women too.

    I don’t talk about past relationships with my dates, and one of my boundaries is that I won’t listen to endless talk about their either.

    I dono’t need to know all about how damaged a person thinks they are, nor them me…

    It is about the present moment.

    Having said that I will not shy away from usiong FMs about the present moment, even negative ones… like ‘I am feeling turned off’ if I am… just giving him some info so that he can make adjustments.

    And if he then changes something and it feels good I will appreciate that.

    The point which I get stuck on, and the thing I have been feeling insecure about I think… is expressing stuff such as ‘I feel scared’ early on… as this can sound like drama, and is probably only one of my NVs anyway.

    But then if I do feel scared I would like to be authentic.

    This is where I get stuck…

    Rusty I reposted the IM conversation for you in 217.

    Any thoughts?



  261.  #261rusty on July 7, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    247: Ella

    Yes, exactly.

    Have emotions, but show us that you are strong emotionally.

    I understand that women do test men, it makes sense to do so, but I think we men also test women. I have read where men trying to get you into bed quickly is one of those tests, whether we know it or not. By accepting too quickly, you don’t give us the feeling that we are just that special but instead cause a fear that you are just that easy. The result being that we can’t trust that you won’t be faithful, that some other guy will be able to break down your barriers and bed you behind our backs. I am not sure how much there is to that but I think there is something there. Even in today’s free sex society, I’ve seen men bed women quickly and eventually the relationship ends. But then a woman comes along and resists his advances, but she doesn’t totally send him packing. Eventually he wins her over and they end up married, or in a very LTR. I believe it is because by not giving in too quickly he sees strength in her, and it inspires confidence in on many other levels, such as a subconscious belief that she isn’t going to be easily seduced by the other wolves that come sniffing around.

    In other words, I don’t think it is just women that feel more confident in a man who isn’t a push over, I think men also want to see strength in their mate.



  262.  #262Femininewoman on July 7, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    RE 258 LG I know it is addressed to Rusty but just to let you know that I have seen where a coach, maybe CCarter says that guys take such things personal and it might even translate in their minds that they are a failer/loser. It seems to be the way many of them are. Ego thing. Their egos seem to be very big. They want to know that you see them as your hero so they cannot stand it when anything implies that they are a failure so they take it personally. At least that is how I understand it.



  263.  #263Ella on July 7, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    FW re 259

    I would do the same with a newere CD… but prob not till after a few dates.

    I like to practice being vulnerable…

    But it is a balance, and don’t want to freak guys out.

    xoxox



  264.  #264Ella on July 7, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    Wildflower re 249

    Have fun! xx



  265.  #265Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    @236: Laughing Goddess says:
    “…Which works when it’s a positive but can come across as blamey (?) when negative.
    Your site feels cold and masculine and uninviting to me. I dunno..,”

    Hmmm, I see what you mean. I don’t know either… 😆

    I don’t feel comfortable when I visit that site.
    (It’s so stark!)

    Note: I hope you aren’t talking about mine… 😛

    xoxo



  266.  #266FlowerChild77 on July 7, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    ((Jeannette)) I am still going through some grieving of my own, so I understand what a roller-coaster it can be. It takes time. (I lost three family members and one very, very dear friend since last fall…and even tho he’s not dead—I’m grieving the end of my 12 yr relationship.)

    Right now, it would probably feel comforting to have been his wife….something concrete that others would know and respect about you and him. I really get it. Perhaps you’d feel closer to his family also.

    The reality of it is, though, that had you married him you would now be drowning it debt. All the bills that Medicare does not cover (around 20% of everything + anything they just do not pay for at all) like the cost of all the medications he took before, during and after the surgery would be yours to pay off all by yourself. I know it sounds cold and ‘not very spiritual’ but true, nonetheless.

    Maybe you can make a scrapbook with pictures and stories about the two of you with a place to journal as though you’re talking to him (to get it out.) You can spend time each day with this and really pour yourself into it. Sink into the feelings (fall to the floor, as Rori teaches, if you need to–these are deep feelings, after all.)

    I did this when I left my ex-husband. The emotions were opposite of yours—but I was still sad and grieving. I was able to take care of myself in this way–spend time feeling bad and cry and write down my feelings, etc. It allowed me to go through it and then have the ability to move on with my day. NOT that you’re going to just forget about Steve (as was my goal with the divorce) but giving yourself a specific time and process to deal with it could help you to make peace with some of your feelings and continue to work on your own life.

    Ella—I can relate to you ‘mood’ last nite and saying you got your period today. It’s not just the oxytocin hormone that’s powerful-they all are! I’m in peri-menopause and not real ‘regular’ but the symptoms, etc. are the same (PMS.) Perhaps hormones are the reason you were feeling sensitive and left out and all the other bad stuff while having dinner with your housemate and the others. They sure do have an effect on my emotions.

    I don’t know why I’m always surprised when I get all emotional and sad and “crazy” feeling–and then I get my period. I used to know what was going on because I could go by the calendar–but now I don’t know, really, till it actually happens. I hope you feel better soon. I always feel yukky and irritable, too. And I get bloated and my clothes don’t fit for a few days….Ick… 🙁

    I’m having a hard time not wishing I was ‘home.’ I’m tearing apart my house getting things ready for a rummage sale on Saturday.

    It’s keeping me distracted, but underneath it all I really wish I was picking weeds or out filling the bird feeders or getting ready to make dinner for xbf and me. I miss the birds, the smell of hay…the neighbors driving by on their tractors and waving while I’m digging and putzing in the yard. I miss xbf giving me little ‘updates’ about what he’s working on in the shop (he loves to tinker!) and his long passionate hugs. I miss it all. And I can’t have it.

    Sooooooo…….I’m letting myself finally believe that he just doesn’t want me anymore. It’s over and I can’t go back and UNdo it. He hasn’t called since Monday. He does all the calling, etc. so I’m not tempted to call him—but it sure does hurt to not hear from him. (Old, boring, repetitive news, I know. I’m trying to get over it. I really am.) Maybe I need to make a scrapbook….



  267.  #267rusty on July 7, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    256: Femininewoman

    I can agree with that and see the wisdom in that. I’ve never enjoyed talking about ex’s. I know that sometimes there is a need to discuss some things, but really, the less, the better. And by all means, both men and women are well advised to make sure that the other person does not feel blamed for the ex’s actions, or more importantly, expected to pay for the ex’s actions. I would expect a woman to run screaming from me if I made her feel she had to pay for the crimes of ex’s.



  268.  #268Lilybelle on July 7, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    On the other side of the coin…

    The CD I had last night started out good. The more time we spent together, the more I shut down.

    I didn’t hear one positive thing about anything the whole time we spent together. I couldn’t wait to get home.

    I felt exhausted listening to how nobody does anything right…anywhere. Ugh.

    They sure do help fine tune your desires.



  269.  #269Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    FW: 262

    Ya, that’s exactly what is going on.

    I’d love to hear more on that….

    p.s. I feel sooooo excited to start Zumba. The only thing holding me back is that I need to go get a new pair of exercise shoes. All I have are sandals or boots. :-\



  270.  #270Nikita on July 7, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    Lol

    240: Dorothea says:

    rusty, sometimes you’re kind of an a-hole, and not always right.

    Thursday, 7 July 2011 @ 1:12pm



  271.  #271Lilybelle on July 7, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    I was able to find things to enjoy and be grateful about the evening, however.

    Motorcycle riding.
    Warm weather
    Cold beer by the river.
    The smell of the flowers while riding.
    The sunset.
    Being pulled over by a cop. That was actually very funny.
    Getting home.



  272.  #272Ella on July 7, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    Re 240

    Dorothea,

    You know I love ya…

    And I feel kinda defensive hearing this

    “rusty, sometimes you’re kind of an a-hole, and not always right”.

    Dunno, just wondering how we might feel if a guy said that to us.

    What do you think?

    It is not that I disagree, more I wonder if there is a better way to express it.

    xoxox



  273.  #273Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    Ick Lillybelle! I feel so drained when I am around people with that attitude.

    Here’s to refining desires!

    Next!



  274.  #274Ella on July 7, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    Re 272… I mean I feel defensive of Rusty.



  275.  #275Ella on July 7, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    Zumba is WICKED FUN! XX



  276.  #276Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    @248: Femininewoman says:
    “…RE 235 SLV I am doing a Zumba class with a ballet teacher. She spends time doing stretching exercises that dancers do adn already after only 2 and a half weeks see some lengthening in my muscles…”

    Fabulous. I think dancing energizes the soul too, builds resolve when there a few bumps in the road of life.

    Feelin Hot Hot Hot!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGBXhDZXTqY

    Nice and summery…

    xoxo



  277.  #277Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    I would feel bad hearing that.

    I must say though, I feel impressed with the way Rusty rolled with it.



  278.  #278Dorothea on July 7, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    272: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Re 240

    Dorothea,

    You know I love ya…

    And I feel kinda defensive hearing this

    “rusty, sometimes you’re kind of an a-hole, and not always right”.

    Dunno, just wondering how we might feel if a guy said that to us.

    What do you think?

    It is not that I disagree, more I wonder if there is a better way to express it.

    xoxox

    ——–
    well yeah of course there are other ways of expressing it.

    i feel tired pursuing other routes of expression right now. It is so tiring to say “oh rusty, it feels bad seeing women here get criticized.”

    i feel weak talking that way. i feel like i’m at his mercy.

    cuz sometimes, seriously, it is as simple as “man, you’re being an ass…”

    i dunno.

    I like Rusty pretty well though. I didn’t feel scared saying that to him or scared reading his response.



  279.  #279Ella on July 7, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    I feel concerned about T’s dog.

    It is a young dog and the type that needs quite a lot of exercise.

    I could be wrong and I don’t think it gets taken out for a walk each day.

    In fact I don’t know for sure… but it doesn’t seem like it.

    The dog is really hyper and when they are not here it won’t settles and runs around endlessly and barks and pines/whines.

    I have taken to having it in the room with me but it is very annoying.

    I want to ask if I can take it for walks and I would feel nervous as it is not so obedient and I feel afraid it would run off.

    I love taking dogs for walks though, and cuddling/stroking them, when they are calm.

    I don’t see the point in taking dogs for walks on leads though, I don’t see how they can get proper exercise this way, esp big and energetic dogs.

    But they need to be well trained.

    Then you can let them off the lead and feel confident that they will come when you call etc.

    I get so triggered by this.

    It was the same with Barmans dog… didn’t get proper exercise.

    I felt uncomfortable and angry about that.

    Not 100% sure that this is the case here… maybe she does take it out.

    But I have not seen.



  280.  #280Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    What Dorothea said felt like guy talk to me. Guys say stuff like that to each other with no hard feelings.

    It may even be a great skill to have out in the world, a great way to connect with guys.

    Talking like that in our relationships though is bound to cause trauma and drama or at least through the energetics out of balance IMHO.

    Dorothea, what is it about the fm’s that make you feel weak?



  281.  #281rusty on July 7, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Ella,

    “Rusty I reposted the IM conversation for you in 217.”

    OK, I read it. What am I looking for. Seemed OK enough. He seems to really like you. I think you can handle a couple of things better.

    First, he wants to sleep with you without having sex. I don’t blame you for not being comfortable with that. I do not know him so I don’t know if it is him trying to “prove himself” to you so that you trust him quicker, or if it is just that he is so smitten with you that he just wants constant physical contact with you. I’ve been there with women before. So into them that I just want to be in physical contact with them.

    But maybe what you could say to him sometime, and preferably when he is right there in front of you, you can say something like this.

    “OK, I like that you are willing to sleep with me without having sex. That says a lot of good things about your character. I do want that to happen at some point, but I need you to move with with me on this at my pace. It would make me feel feel closer to you if you can agree to that.”

    If he does, simply say, “Thank you, that means a lot to me, and I know that we want the same thing, so when I feel ready, I will bring it up. So now we can relax about it and not bring it up anymore. It will happen for me on it’s own when the time is right, and you will be the first to know…OK?”

    When he gives an affirmative, give him a compliment, such as, “You very special…not many men these days that are that patient and thoughtful.”

    He does seem to be smitten with you, and thus, wants to know that he pleases you.



  282.  #282tinque on July 7, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    Wildflower – Pole dancing is so much fun. I thought I would be triggered by it but happily was not. It’s just fun. Real women with real bodies feeling sensuous. YES…

    xxoo



  283.  #283Dorothea on July 7, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    LG 280
    Well, it is tiring. Like…I say I feel xyz, and if a man doesn’t respond with acknowledging and caring for my feelings, or WORSE, gets defensive and then i am required to repeat myself or find other ways to state my feelings with feeling messages, i feel tired.

    like, literally, it gets me so flustered that i cry soggy, soggy tears when a man isn’t “getting” what i’m trying to communicate, or is defensive against it.

    orrrrr something my guy has done is respond to my feeling messages with “me too” or his own feeling messages.

    me: I feel so frustrated. I feel unimportant.
    him: me too
    me: i don’t want to sit around waiting without phone calls when someone is late
    him: this feels bad. i don’t like this (referring to me saying i don’t want to wait around when someone’s late).

    and so it goes…



  284.  #284Ella on July 7, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    Rusty

    Thank you.

    The issue is HE DIDN’T CALL ME THE NEXT DAY… In fact he did not call me at all and it is now almost a week later!

    I feel CONFUSED.

    Any ideas.

    Also I was worried about me coming across as needy in th conversation… thought maybe I had done something in the convo to pu him off… but can’t see it.

    Thanks.



  285.  #285rusty on July 7, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    277: Laughing Goddess says:

    I would feel bad hearing that.

    I must say though, I feel impressed with the way Rusty rolled with it.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Hey, the truth is, it’s true, and the further truth is, I am proud of that. I don’t have much respect for a man that isn’t an A-hole just a little bit. Most that aren’t, in my experience are sorry little saps that are the types to talk crap behind your back, and then smile to your face…among other vile things.

    I do try to be more diplomatic in person, but I will also tell it like it is. Like one of my wife’s friend’s husband stole some of my tools this week while I was at school, and our move was happening.

    He did take some things and admitted to it, but he won’t admit to the more expensive stuff. Sorry but when the cops asked, i told them, and they went to his house. He told my wife that he will help her anytime she needs it but he won’t lift a finger for me. I told my wife that’s fine because I’ve had all the finger lifting from him I can stomach.

    He wants us to believe that the construction workers took the tools. Well, the truth is, I can put two and two together. I saw the kind of work these guys do, and they would have had to walk right past tools more valuable to them, to get to tools they are far less likely to use.

    In addition, he is the only one known to have gone through my things and actually removed them from the garage. He did bring back what he admitted to taking, such as a cooler and a hurricane fan.

    Sorry, when all evidence points to him in such a manner, I feel no need to be diplomatic. In fact, the only thing I feel a need to say is, “stay away from my house, you aren’t welcome here anymore. And feel thankful I’ve grown less brash as I’ve gotten older.”



  286.  #286Ladybug on July 7, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    Living in the WOW!

    It is wonderful being back in the arms of Hayseed, clearing up our misunderstandings, making out for hours at his very private Storybook Farm. We spent 3 afternoons together this week. We were unexpectedly caught half naked when his friends drove up to the doorway of his unfinished house. Clothes were flying and we were laughing! I love his laughter! We watched a calf be born in the meadow and all the cattle ran to see the new calf. I love the farm, I love the cows. I know Hayseed and I love each other and we’re both trying so hard not to be stuck on each other. We’ve both been in WOW since we first laid eyes on each other 6 months ago.

    I’m still doing CD and will continue. I’m dumping the men from POF and keeping my Homeboys. I’m keeping the rich men, the horse friendly and the friends I’ve known for years. The Pile of Fish stinks!

    Independence Day weekend was awesome. I had 2 men asking for dates for each event. I put autistic DD16 in charge of what we were doing and where we would be. I told the men where we would be. Be there or be square. The timid didn’t show up, DD chose the wild! Little Stinker, for all her whining about no friends, turns out she has more boyfriends than I do!

    We danced with Canoe Boys in the intersection until we kicked the curb and rolled up the sidewalk. It wasn’t a street dance until we showed up, just a DJ playing music. Parade, demolition derby, then Anarchy on the Rez for fireworks and party with friends ages 16 to 60. My Crash Test Dummy, older DD’s boyfriend’s Biker Dad and brother and friends, our Fire Department, NavyBoys home on leave, Coasties oh, 2 more of little DD’s boyfriends. I blew some minds, I’m not the same person I was when married to the Warden! Lots of nice single men letting me know they wanted a girlfriend. Good luck with that, Buddy, get in line!

    Awesome! I’m 53 and able to party and keep up with with teenagers for 3 days!

    Tuesday I was back in the arms of my adorable smiling, loving Hayseed who won’t commit!

    I feel badly for you ladies struggling with fear, insecurities and unworthy men. Seek what’s healthy and good for YOU! If it feels icky, then STOP IT!Seek healing, and healing is NOT through men.



  287.  #287Plum on July 7, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    I don’t know how to say

    http://www.youtube.com/user/BarbaraEnigmatique#p/u/64/7ey61JKO2ow

    “I don’t know how to say “I love you”
    I don’t know
    I don’t know
    I can’t say “I love you”
    I can’t
    I can’t

    I said it too often fooling around
    We can’t fool around with these words
    Today I want to say it
    I don’t dare
    I don’t dare

    So I made this music
    That will tell you better than I

    Dee dee dee dee dee dee da da da da
    Dee dee dee dee dee dee da dee dee dee

    For a tear, for a smile
    That could come from you
    I would do the best and the worst
    But I would do anything

    Yet at day time and at night
    Even when I am aching for your love
    I don’t dare to simply say “I love you”
    I don’t dare
    I don’t dare

    So listen to my music
    That will speak to you better than I
    hmmm
    dee dee dee dee

    I know your mouth on my mouth
    I know your eyes, your laugh, your voice
    I know the fire when you touch me
    And I know the sound of your step
    I would know on me naked
    You naked hand among thousands,
    But to simply say “I love you”
    I don’t know how
    I don’t know how

    How silly this is
    I am going to say it
    It is nothing, these 3 small words
    But I am afraid to see you smile.
    Don’t look at me

    Here, I am going to say with the piano,
    In love from the tip of my fingers
    With my piano I will be able to say it
    Listen to me
    Look at me

    I don’t know how
    I can’t

    Dee dee dee dee

    I don’t dare

    Dee dee dee dee da da da dee da da
    Da
    Da da da da da da da da da da
    Da da

    I love you
    I love you
    I love you”

    Written in French by Barbara 1964
    Sung by Barbara

    xxx



  288.  #288Plum on July 7, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    I don’t know how to say

    http://www.youtube.com/user/BarbaraEnigmatique#p/u/64/7ey61JKO2ow

    “I don’t know how to say “I love you”
    I don’t know
    I don’t know
    I can’t say “I love you”
    I can’t
    I can’t

    I said it too often fooling around
    We can’t fool around with these words
    Today I want to say it
    I don’t dare
    I don’t dare

    So I made this music
    That will tell you better than I

    Dee dee dee dee dee dee da da da da
    Dee dee dee dee dee dee da dee dee dee

    For a tear, for a smile
    That could come from you
    I would do the best and the worst
    But I would do anything

    Yet at day time and at night
    Even when I am aching for your love
    I don’t dare to simply say “I love you”
    I don’t dare
    I don’t dare

    So listen to my music
    That will speak to you better than I
    hmmm
    dee dee dee dee

    I know your mouth on my mouth
    I know your eyes, your laugh, your voice
    I know the fire when you touch me
    And I know the sound of your step.
    I would know among thousands
    You naked hand on me naked,
    But to simply say “I love you”
    I don’t know how
    I don’t know how

    How silly this is
    I am going to say it
    It is nothing, these 3 small words
    But I am afraid to see you smile.
    Don’t look at me

    Here, I am going to say with the piano,
    In love from the tip of my fingers
    With my piano I will be able to say it
    Listen to me
    Look at me

    I don’t know how
    I can’t

    Dee dee dee dee

    I don’t dare

    Dee dee dee dee da da da dee da da
    Da
    Da da da da da da da da da da
    Da da

    I love you
    I love you
    I love you”

    Written in French by Barbara 1964
    Sung by Barbara

    xxx



  289.  #289Plum on July 7, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    I don’t know how to say

    http://www.youtube.com/user/BarbaraEnigmatique#p/u/64/7ey61JKO2ow

    “I don’t know how to say “I love you”
    I don’t know
    I don’t know
    I can’t say “I love you”
    I can’t
    I can’t

    I said it too often fooling around
    We can’t fool around with these words
    Today I want to say it
    I don’t dare
    I don’t dare

    So I made this music
    That will tell you better than I

    Dee dee dee dee dee dee da da da da
    Dee dee dee dee dee dee da dee dee dee

    For a tear, for a smile
    That could come from you
    I would do the best and the worst
    But I would do anything

    Yet at day time and at night
    Even when I am aching for your love
    I don’t dare to simply say “I love you”
    I don’t dare
    I don’t dare

    So listen to my music
    That will speak to you better than I
    hmmm
    dee dee dee dee

    I know your mouth on my mouth
    I know your eyes, your laugh, your voice
    I know the fire when you touch me
    And I know the sound of your step.
    I would know among thousands
    You naked hand on me naked,
    But to simply say “I love you”
    I don’t know how
    I don’t know how

    How silly this is
    I am going to say it
    It is nothing, these 3 small words
    But I am afraid to see you smile.
    Don’t look at me

    Here, I am going to say with the piano,
    In love from the tip of my fingers
    With my piano I will be able to say it
    Listen to me
    Look at me

    I don’t know how
    I can’t

    Dee dee dee dee

    I don’t dare

    Dee dee dee dee da da da dee da da
    Da
    Da da da da da da da da da da
    Da da

    I love you

    I love you

    I love you”

    Written in French by Barbara 1964
    Sung by Barbara

    xxx



  290.  #290rusty on July 7, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    284: Ella says:

    Also I was worried about me coming across as needy in th conversation… thought maybe I had done something in the convo to pu him off… but can’t see it.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++==

    Well, i will admit that it seemed like he was doing everything he could to assure you that he is a good guy, and you posted FM’s questioning that, even if that wasn’t your intent. But that is the reality when he is saying I am a good guy and I want to come around and spend time with you.

    Him: can i not come round or something not for sex just a night together..

    Me: Errr, I feel a little bit uncomfortable.. ((((((A man in love with you needs to be around you. Telling him that you feel uncomfortable being around him is a big no-no. It cuts him to the bone. Find another way to put it off without a feeling message. Sometimes the guy is better off not knowing what you are thinking…this is one of them.))))))

    Him: Ok we’ll leave that.

    Me: I would rather wait and make a plan. I want to feel cofortable, good and safe.

    Him: yeah i understand that i dont wanna freak you out..

    ((((((He acknowledges that you seem to be “freaked out,” which is not a good thing, and a man who has it for you as badly as this guy seems to does not want to hear that he is freaking you out. Quite simply, a man believes that if you are into him, you want to be around him, and you aren’t freaked out or creeped out by him. To an extent this appears to me to be your way of making him pay for the flaky behavior of past men. You are afraid of him running off if you give in and spend physical time together. He may or may not, but if he is constantly put off, even after reassuring you that he will respect your boundaries, he is going to get the feeling that you have too many issues.))))))

    //////////////////////////////////////////////////

    Me: … No, I feel quite happy to have a lazy day with you… and even the walking sounds ok (I quite like walking)… I just don’t want to meet tonightReeaally soon though:-)Btw – I miss you too..

    Him: but spose a lazy day i could put your shelf up always a bonus..

    Me: Which feels weird as I don’t know you that well.

    Him: well i liturally am what youve seensoo i mean go by it or not.. I wear my hear on my sleeve, what you see is what you get.

    Me: Lol Cool

    Him: I am what you have seen

    Me: I feel happy

    Him: i feel like your very unsure about me all of a sudden..

    ((((((Again, he has requested time with you, even doing things for you and you rejected him. This, I am very sure was seen by him as rejection. Also, something to keep in mind is that he, I and most other men have gone through this kind of conversation with other women, being put off for time with them when you should want all the time together you can get, and we then find out that it is because you have plans with another man. We feels seriously punked when that happens. We lose all ability to trust you at that point. One of the dangers of CDing without being honest about it. SO much catch 22 in CDing. So much damned if you do and damned if you don’t.)))))))

    Bottom line Elle, stop telling guys that their requests make you uncomfortable, scared,etc… It creeps them out. It makes THEM uncomfortable. Find some scripts to use that can tell them no without having to use a FM.

    Find some timetable for yourself to not use negative FMs with guys, only positive ones. Once you have become a serious item, or deeper into a relationship, you can do that, but showing so much negative mental issues early in a relationship IMHO is just going to make the guy think you have too many issues.

    I also think that you need to find a way to become more comfortable with expressing a no sex boundary, but then being open to having physical time together. I put myself in his shoes, and if I am really into you, and requesting time with you, your FM’s and refusals would act as an extinguisher to my passion. Extinguish my passion for you and I will look elsewhere for a more receptive mate.

    My point is, this guy SEEMS like a good guy who is willing to respect your no sex boundary. What’s the point of having that boundary if you aren’t going to allow him to respect it. Better to just have a don’t come around after dark boundary. Seems more honest.

    I got the feeling that he was feeling a lot of passion for you, and wanted you to allow him to express it while respecting your no sex boundary, but you threw a wet blanket on him. Dashed it all. He was left feeling cold and unappreciated.

    Want to rekindle it, invite him over for some cuddling. expect occasional testing of the boundary, be firm yet kind. Don’t feel the need to overdo it when reaffirming your boundary. Men usually expect you to shut us down sometimes. And like I said, I think we actually ant you to do that initially, for awhile. I don’t believe most men actually want you to be easy, if he wants a LTR. But I do think we expect you to be warm and physically affectionate in the meantime. Working up slowly from things like hand holding, etc…

    Of course he may just want sex and that is all, but by allowing him to come around, you get to find that out. If he pushes and appears to be trying to manipulate you into sex, you will see that. There is a difference between testing the boundary and assaulting it.



  291.  #291Ella on July 7, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    Rusty,

    Ok, thank you.

    I felt worried I had come across as not wanting him… and it is sooooo the opposite.

    But did I not come across as warm and keen in the rest of the conversation?

    I mean surely I told him many many times that I felt good with him… and we planned a whole date.

    And at the end I said I am into him too.

    Did he not hear all that just because I said I felt uncomfortable about him coming round so soon?

    I hate the idea that I threw water on his fire… but then I don’t want a guy whose fire is quelled that easily.

    ok… and this puts me back in the same old postion… as I do not contact guys first.

    That would be leaning forward, and that is a no no to me…

    Are you suggesting that I do on this occasion.

    But he hasn’t contacted me.

    Ok, other Sirens… what do you all think too pls? Do you agree with Rusty?



  292.  #292rusty on July 7, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    280: Laughing Goddess says:

    What Dorothea said felt like guy talk to me. Guys say stuff like that to each other with no hard feelings.

    It may even be a great skill to have out in the world, a great way to connect with guys.

    Talking like that in our relationships though is bound to cause trauma and drama or at least through the energetics out of balance IMHO.

    Dorothea, what is it about the fm’s that make you feel weak?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    A lot of wisdom there. I did not feel put off by her comment. Truth is, I chuckled when I saw it.

    I go back to that post Daria made a while back where she said that a guy she was with told her that she got him lost. I assume she gave him directions or something and then they got lost.

    She said she told him something like “Oh, that feels blamey” or something to that effect.

    As a guy, that feels ick. I mean, when we are together with other guys, we will just say, “Dude, you got me freakin lost…ya numbnuts!”

    We may even be really irritated. But in the end, we don’t dwell on it. We don’t put any real emotion into it, and we will joke about it later on. Like once my friend did get me lost so the next time on the phone, I joked that I might want to get directions from his wife instead since she would only get me a little lost and I would at least be in the right neighborhood.

    We expect people to have skins as thick as ours. Ours isn’t always thick, but when it comes to stuff like this, we do tend to have thick skins.



  293.  #293rusty on July 7, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    “Did he not hear all that just because I said I felt uncomfortable about him coming round so soon? ”

    Likely yes. Men are used to women being subtle and we often have to read between the lines to gauge interest and the truth is, so I can see him feeling very put off by the negative FMs, and the refusal to spend time together.



  294.  #294Plum on July 7, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    test



  295.  #295Ella on July 7, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    Btw the thing about saying I felt weird cus I did not know him that well… that was me talking about me feeling weird that I missed him, after only meeting him once… not about his offer to put shelf up whic felt great



  296.  #296Ella on July 7, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    Oh no.

    So I totally F8cked it up…

    And I am really into this guy.

    And I truly had no idea!!

    I wanted him to feel welcome…

    And I put out all his passion.

    I am such an idiot.

    G8d I feel like crying.



  297.  #297Plum on July 7, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    I don’t know how to say

    “I don’t know how to say “I love you”
    I don’t know
    I don’t know
    I can’t say “I love you”
    I can’t
    I can’t

    I said it too often fooling around
    We can’t fool around with these words
    Today I want to say it
    I don’t dare
    I don’t dare

    So I made this music
    That will tell you better than I

    Dee dee dee dee dee dee da da da da
    Dee dee dee dee dee dee da dee dee dee

    For a tear, for a smile
    That could come from you
    I would do the best and the worst
    But I would do anything

    Yet at day time and at night
    Even when I am aching for your love
    I don’t dare to simply say “I love you”
    I don’t dare
    I don’t dare

    So listen to my music
    That will speak to you better than I
    hmmm
    dee dee dee dee

    I know your mouth on my mouth
    I know your eyes, your laugh, your voice
    I know the fire when you touch me
    And I know the sound of your step.
    I would know among thousands
    You naked hand on me naked,
    But to simply say “I love you”
    I don’t know how
    I don’t know how

    How silly this is
    I am going to say it
    It is nothing, these 3 small words
    But I am afraid to see you smile.
    Don’t look at me

    Here, I am going to say with the piano,
    In love from the tip of my fingers
    With my piano I will be able to say it
    Listen to me
    Look at me

    I don’t know how
    I can’t

    Dee dee dee dee

    I don’t dare

    Dee dee dee dee da da da dee da da
    Da
    Da da da da da da da da da da
    Da da

    I love you
    I love you
    I love you”

    Written in French by Barbara 1964
    Sung by Barbara

    xxx



  298.  #298Plum on July 7, 2011 at 3:13 pm


  299.  #299Ella on July 7, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    Oh f7ckety f7ck f7ck f7ck!

    Arrrrrrr.



  300.  #300rusty on July 7, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    “I hate the idea that I threw water on his fire… but then I don’t want a guy whose fire is quelled that easily.”

    Keep in mind that much of what has been driving you is that you are tired of pouring your energy into a black hole that leaves you drained.

    Simple fact is, men go through this also. They may wine and dine a woman, only to be rejected in the end. They may fear that all they are doing is just wasting money on a woman who will just end up tossing him aside.

    Now I understand he is broke so that’s not the issue…money that is. But he may still feel that he is wasting his time. Maybe he has dealt with similar where a woman allowed him to come around at her convenience but in the end, she wound up with another guy and he was left with nothing. He may see some pattern repeating itself that tells him to conserve his energy and back away from what he perceives as a black hole.

    Also, I thought about the part of the conversation where he is trying to, IMHO, pry some info out of you. He wants to know what you like doing that doesn’t cost money. Put some thought into that. Give guys a list of things you like to do…some costing money and some that are free. Some that take all day to do, and some that can be done when time is short.

    We work better with more knowledge. I have no problem just choosing what we will do, but I am not a mind reader, I do want to please you, but if I am going on no info, and I get it wrong, and I choose something you don’t enjoy, it is best for you to just keep quiet about it. It would only make me mad, if I asked for ideas, got none, chose something, then had the girl let me know that I chose wrong.

    So give me a list of things that you like, and I will choose from that…sometimes. Keep in mind though that I will occasionally pick things I am less than thrilled about, just to spend time with you, but I also expect the woman to do the same. Maybe going to a football game isn’t your first choice of things to do, but enjoy it because I am there. Just like I will enjoy the chick flick because you are there.



  301.  #301Ella on July 7, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    I REALLY like him.

    I know I was having issues, cus he is much younger and my NVs kicked in… and it may have come across as having issues.

    How do I remedy this?

    Rusty does it mean he would no longer feel it for me?

    When we spent time together before there was definitely no putting off by me.

    And if I invited him over now… after he hasn’t called me, well wouldn’t that just seem, er desperate?



  302.  #302rusty on July 7, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    292: Ella says:

    Btw the thing about saying I felt weird cus I did not know him that well… that was me talking about me feeling weird that I missed him, after only meeting him once… not about his offer to put shelf up whic felt great

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    WOW! I totally did not get that from what was written. It came off as you not wanting him to come around because you barely knew him so you would feel weird having him come over.



  303.  #303Ella on July 7, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    What about if I did message him then.

    And I say what?

    Something like ‘look, I know I may have come across as though I wasn’t sure abou seeing your by reading back over our conversation, but I do.

    I had loads of fun with you and spending time felt great.

    So if you do still want to come over I would feel very happy about that.’

    Just playing with scenarios here…

    I know that is total lean forward.

    Rusty?

    Sirens?



  304.  #304Ella on July 7, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    This is why I HATE IM!!

    Grrr.



  305.  #305Dorothea on July 7, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    Ella, I don’t know if this is very “lean back” but if it were me, I would message him and let him know “hey, thinking of you and looking forward to the next time we see each other!:)”

    or something like that



  306.  #306Ella on July 7, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    Oh heck fires

    I feel terrible.

    What is wrong with me.

    I may as well just f-ing give up… cus I am trying to be open, inviting and honest and it just comes over that I don’t care.

    Ok… Ella, soothe yourself.



  307.  #307rusty on July 7, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    How do I remedy this?

    Rusty does it mean he would no longer feel it for me?

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++=

    I don’t think it means he is gone for good. But I do know this..most guys I know that like older women like them because they view them as having it more together…having less issues…less games…knows what she wants, etc… You did not come off that way.

    If you like him, then just relax. Stop letting NV’s rule your thoughts and actions. If he wants to spend time together, and there isn’t a good reason to not do so, then maybe you should be more receptive. He knows the no sex boundary, so allow him to show he respects it. If he acts like a bum, then you’ll know he isn’t serious.

    Take things for what they are. You like kissing, cuddling, etc…and he seemed to be into you and wanted that also. So why not do it?

    This is what I was talking about. You can’t just keep testing him, put him off and make him prove himself. Especially when you aren’t allowing him into a position to prove himself.

    My opinion is that what he got out of that is that you have issues and there is no fun to go along with that. He kept trying to insist to you that he is a good guy and I don’t think you caught on to that. He also seemed to be trying to tell you that he trusts your boundaries but you seemed to not be accepting of that fact and so had to keep expressing your discomfort with being together. I think you are very in tune with your feelings, so much so that you may not have room to experience other’s feelings.

    What do you think?



  308.  #308Ella on July 7, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    What about

    ‘Hey hon. I had so much fun with you… and I don’t think it came across in our message conversation but I do want to spend some time with you… that would feel great.”

    Do other Sirens agree with Rusty’s take?

    I am not going to ‘react’ here though… gonna give myself some time and see what other Sirens say too.

    I know generally anything to ‘prod, remind or encourage’ him to contact is generally a no no here…

    I feel curious to see what other Sirens have to say on this one.

    Course I want to contact him… but surely if he wanted me a couple of objections from me would not have put him off?

    He would find a way right…

    Except he prob thinks I am full of issues now 🙁



  309.  #309rusty on July 7, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    OK, if I were him, this is what I would want. I would want you to contact me and assure me that you want me to come around. Then be honest with me. Don’t be manipulatively honest, just be honest.

    If you think about me all the time, say so. If you want to touch me, say so. If you want to kiss me every day, say so.

    Be honest about your THOUGHTS on sex. Let him know that while you do love it, you are tired of guys who just want one thing. Tell him that you, like other women have heard the assurances from guys. What you need now are actions. Let him know that you want a lot of heat and passion in a relationship, but for now that has to be expressed without sex and a guy who is into you will respect that.

    Then relax and enjoy him coming around. Don’t put him off unless you have a valid reason, but then be sure to offer a time that is better. Like if he offers to come over tonight but you have to be somewhere early and have to get some sleep, say so and then say, “but tomorrow night would be great…I miss you and want you to cuddle me.”



  310.  #310Ella on July 7, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    ‘Hey hon. Not sure it came across in the conversation above and actually I would really like to see you again. It would feel good to spend some time with you. It was fun before. What do you think?’



  311.  #311Ella on July 7, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    But Rusty haven’t we been here before, with you insisting that you want the women to pursue you and re-assure you and make you feel comfortable.

    Which is what all men SAY they want… and yet when they get a woman like that they run a mile.

    Rusty I agree I prob did not come across as totally together etc… and that is cus I am not going to pretend that I am this together pillar of strength to hook a man.

    I am vulnerable.

    Sometimes I have doubts.

    Tbh I feel awful about the IM convo I had bc he didn’t contact, and it left me questioning myself… and I did not mean to come over as cold etc…

    But then we planned a whole date, where I also said that it wold feel great to spend time with him.

    So confused right now.



  312.  #312Lilybelle on July 7, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    Ella~

    Just my two pennies:

    I wouldn’t contact him first. But I can be quite stubborn that way…

    Do you think would be dis-respecting yourself a little bit by breaking your rule by contacting hime first? I know that if it was me and I was feeling it big time for dude, I would be hella disappointed in myself..EVEN if that response was favorable. I’d wonder if he ever would have made the call himself, without my help.

    I also believe that any man who really felt it for you or any woman for that matter, would do whatever he could to get in touch with the obect of his desire if that was what he wanted. There is nothing that would stop him. Nothing. Until she told him she wasn’t interested or agreed or whatever.

    Just my thoughts.



  313.  #313femenrgylove on July 7, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    so…just got a message in my inbox from a guy’s ex girlfriend.
    she wrote ‘i see you changed your mind about him,good luck’

    i have not seen or heard form this guy in a while.
    i dont think its appropriate for me to engage in this.dont you guys agree?



  314.  #314Ice Princess on July 7, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    I completely cleaning two whole rooms in my house and used the “blah, blah, blah” advice I had gotten earlier and as of now I am okay but I don’t know how much longer I can entertain myself away from thinking about him. Ugh! I hate all of this! I wish I had a delete button in my heart and memory!!



  315.  #315Ella on July 7, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    Lillybelle I am so glad you are here.

    I am really really struggling with this.

    I may even write to Rori on this one.

    Just feel so confused about it all, and I know its cus I am in the think of it.

    I totally agree with everything you say… and these are my boundaries too.

    I just feel SOOO frustrated that I f8cked it up w/o really realising.

    Did you get the same feeling from the IM convo as Rusty is describing?

    I had no idea it would have felt that bad to a man.



  316.  #316rusty on July 7, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    I would agree with Lilybelle, except that he may have gotten the feeling that he was being put off. In which case, he may figure it is a waste of time.

    I personally disagree with hard set rules on not contacting. Give and take. If you feel you are always giving, the lean back. If you have been leaning back while he gives, then he stops giving, lean forward.

    There have been times where I felt that I was the one always giving so I might lean back, though I never called it that. But I was looking for the same thing. Show me you care. Show me that you too can give, etc..



  317.  #317Dorothea on July 7, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    310, fem, lol i would ignore that one.

    how silly! who writes dramatic stuff like that and sends it to ex’s new ladies? LOL not girls like us, that’s for sure.



  318.  #318Ella on July 7, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    BTW J you didn’t freak me out at all.
    Spending time with you felt great and is still definitely something I would do again. It felt fun.



  319.  #319Lilybelle on July 7, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    312:

    Sweetie, I’m here for you. I was at work earlier so I thought about you all the way home and here I am. 🙂

    I agree with the impression Rusty got on the IM. I read it the same way in that you may have felt uncomfortable with him coming over and I didn’t get that you were uncomfortable with the way you felt..liking him so much already..

    Now, the first thing I want you to do is STOP berating yourself. I totally understand what you are feeling.

    I wholeheartedly disagree with Rusty (sorry Rman) about contacting hime first. You have seen each other once. I believe give and take for phone calls can and should happen after you are in an established relationship. Leaning forward, especially in the beginning, takes a way his masculinity and I believe, sets a precedence for the future dynamics of the relationship, if there is to be one.

    NOW, having said that…you ALWAYS have the option of experiementing with him as long as you aren’t attached to the outcome. I know you know this. But, right now, right this second, I believe you are attached so I would totally just. sit. still. Give yourself and the situation just a bit of space. Remember? Energy travels.Get your vibe back up where it belongs and take care of you!

    I want you to be successful with him. I want for you what you want for yourself but I also want you to stay true to yourself and who you have been working so hard at becoming. What a beautiful woman you are…

    I sincerely hope you don’t feel offended by this but I also believe you are open to hearing what I am saying.



  320.  #320Greta on July 7, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    Kathhherine,
    I hear you about how central this is for you… Did you have any conflicts in your first 4 months together? Were you able to successfully manage stresses and/or tensions? Did you feel aligned in your core values and intentions for this relationship? Or talk about these together? Something like this is less likely to feel like it is “coming out of left field” when you have some foundational understandings together. What was he wanting i.e. his goals. Anyway, lots of questions here … will give a better context for me to understand and help you be optimally prepared! Greta



  321.  #321Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    The give and take concept is interesting to me.

    I recently heard another coach (can’t remember who) say that the man should always be giving a little bit more in the relationship….like %51 man giving, 49% woman giving.

    Something about this really resonated with me. I feel unsure of exactly what Rori would say about this.

    Well, I guess she does say something similar in the waterwheel concept.

    Sometimes I feel concerned that this gets overlooked on the blog and we feel bad about doing any giving.

    What do y’all think/feel?

    P.s. Dorothea thanks for responding above. I have some ideas percolating but not quite able to articulate just yet.



  322.  #322Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    #316

    ya, what she said!



  323.  #323rusty on July 7, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    Lilybelle, what do you think about her just sending him a text saying, “Hey, I was reading over our IM’s and realize that I some of what I was thinking came out wrong.”

    Then see if he responds. My worry here is what if he got the impression you and I did, and he takes it as rejection.

    This is not the same as if he felt all was well and still didn’t make contact. He may have read over the IM’s himself and then questioned whether he wanted to put any energy into this.



  324.  #324Ella on July 7, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Lillybelle yes totally open to hearing this from you.

    I just feel so darned annoyed at myself. I had no idea my side of the conversation would come over like that, esp when it is so opposite from what I feel about him!!

    I was getting the vibe back on me… but now I feel a mess again.

    I get like this when I really like a guy… kinda defensive about him knowing how much I rewally like him… and I totally get how hat is closing down and how it is stopping intimacy.

    And I feel so mad right now.

    Why can’t I be better at this?

    I want to ‘fix’ this and I know I can’t!

    URGHHHHH.

    Can’t believe I gave him the impression I did not want to see him. Nothing could be further from the truth.

    Do you think he also thinks I have serious issues now and will stay away?

    Oh gosh I feel so sad.

    And so misguided. Can’t believe I am still so bad at relating to men I like!

    I know babysteps… but honestly I could kick myself.



  325.  #325Lilybelle on July 7, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    318:

    I agree, LG. This thought has crossed my mind as well. And like I have mentioned before and I think Ella has as well, sometimes I think that I am not totally showing ME to my dates. So, I have decided to lighten the whole thing up. For me.

    I can still be my feminine, girly, feeling self AND show who I am. All at the same time!

    Whoo hoo



  326.  #326Ella on July 7, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    But guys does it count for nothing that I also said how it would feel amazing to spend a day with him… and that I was digging him to etc…?



  327.  #327femenrgylove on July 7, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    #314 Dorothea,my siren thoughts exactly 🙂
    sending you..lots of sun beams…and lots of purple skittles,coz those are the best ones 🙂



  328.  #328Ella on July 7, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    Femenergylove

    I agree – ignore. xx



  329.  #329Ella on July 7, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    I can’t BELIEVE I did that Exact thing that Rori warns us about… of closing off to a man, thereby preventing him reaching us and pushing him away!

    URGHHH!



  330.  #330Lilybelle on July 7, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    320:

    I totally get what you are saying here, RMan. And, that can be an option for Ella..it is always an option BUT I wouldn’t say anything at ALL about the last conversation, how I *might* have made him feel. We just don’t know that part of the equation. If I felt like I was A-OK with the outcome and not attached to a definitive result…I may be so bold as to ask the dude right out. (MAJOR Experiment) I wouldn’t say word one about not hearing from him, our last conversation, not a thing. I would be my normal, happy self. The thing is, there isn’t anything to lose except for Ella’s self-respect etc. THAT is what is the most important thing.

    There are a ton of options here but I still say that Ella should just.sit.still for now and work on getting herself back up to where she belongs. If Ella leans forward right now and her NV’s are all around her yapping her poor fool head of like they are currently, he’ll know and she totally needs to be authentic. No matter what she decides to do with leaning forward.

    What do you think?



  331.  #331Ella on July 7, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    Lillybelle,

    I agree I have options and I could always experiment with leaning forward BUT I AM so attached to the outcome, and plus I like this guy too much to use him as an experiment… save that for the dudes I am not into!

    I have written to Rori as I am really struggling with this one and want to hear her take…

    But for now all Siren advice is very much needed.

    xoxoxox



  332.  #332Ella on July 7, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    Basically I am feeling ashamed and guilty and small, that it is ALL my fault that this didn’t work out.

    And that is driving me to want to ‘do’ something to make this right.

    If I have pushed him too far away to retrieve I am likely gonna have a hard time forgiving myself.

    And I do know he is just one man, NOT the be all and end all, and yet I haven’t felt that way with a person in such a long time, and I just feel so very very sad to think I messed it all up.



  333.  #333Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    Ella: I agree with Lillybelle.

    You could lean forward but better to wait until your vibe is up and you are feeling rockstar-esque.

    Also, no beating yourself up!!!!



  334.  #334Lilybelle on July 7, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    328:

    I agree with you. You ARE really attached to the outcome and that is why I say to sit still…don’t do anything.

    I’ll be very interested in hearing what Rori says.

    Also, there isn’t anything that you said in the conversation with him that is “messed” up worthy. There just isn’t. There isn’t anything so horrible that you should be putting yourself through this. Nasty A$$ NV’s. Dang I do not like those bit(hes. 😉

    (Not saying the B word at you, Girl, just the nasty NV’s that are telling you all this NASTY Bull$hit. Nasty stuff)

    I totally understand the heart strings getting pulled tight..even after one meeting. It’s happened to the best of us, Sister.

    I just don’t want you to assume anything about how he is feeling or what he is thinking, you just don’t know. I know you know this too.

    Big Hugs!



  335.  #335Ella on July 7, 2011 at 4:50 pm

    Just found this post from Rori. Think it is quite relevant here:

    “Perhaps you’re in this situation (it’s one we’ve all been in at one time or another): A man is around, and then he pulls back. He not so much “RubberBands” as he just “goes away” without actually saying, with full closure, that he’s going away. He just sort of “drops the ball.”

    And what we women have all been taught to do when that happens is to Pick UP the ball.

    With disastrous consequences.

    Not disastrous for the “relationship” – because most of the time – there IS no relationship going on here.

    But disastrous for our self-esteem, our ability to feel “okay” with or without a man…and it gives us even more fuel for our belief that we have to DO something to get love. That we have to do anything but be warm and open.

    Here’s the hard part. If we start to believe that it’s our coldness and game-playing that has driven a man away…then going after him to express our new “openness” backfires.

    You’re already putting so much energy, thought, heart into this man who is doing NOTHING to keep this relationship afloat.

    He’s just short of treating you BADLY.

    And yet – you WANT him. And that’s the crux of this.

    Why would anyone want a man like this? And the answer has to be: “Because I thought I CAUSED him to pull away.” And – sometimes that’s the case. A good relationship can go down the tubes with our neediness and pushing. Love can go away.

    But most of the time – it’s not the case. If he was for YOU, he simply wouldn’t go away no matter what you did or said.

    Except for this: Your neediness as evidenced by how much you still WANT him – and that’s what has to go.

    And sometimes, you can’t let that go until you’ve humiliated yourself with some kind of finality. And even then, that humiliation may not mean anything to you.

    If you ask him what went wrong, and show up with Feeling Messages – that’s just the start of your program to reprogram yourself and start getting on your own side. If you do that – send the email, contact him….the work here is WHAT THEN?

    What do you do to stand up for yourself and pull back and “cut bait” when you need to?

    A man who doesn’t want what you are will not come around unless he undergoes some major personal change – and that’s nothing you can do for him.

    The cure is Circular Dating. If this man has nothing for you – you have nothing to lose.

    You can do anything you want as long as it’s a lesson for you – and not about GETTING HIM BACK.

    Love, Rori

    ———————————————–

    And I do think there was some coldness and defensiveness in my part of the conversation.

    And yet I don’t think I was so ‘bad’ that if he wanted me, like REALLY wanted me, he wouldn’t try again.

    I am finding it unbearable right now that I may have pushed/be pushing away the very kind of love and affection that I want!

    Urgh,



  336.  #336rusty on July 7, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    “I wouldn’t say word one about not hearing from him, our last conversation, not a thing. I would be my normal, happy self. ”

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    I can agree with that. Let him bring it up. If he does, just say, “Sorry, I read over it also and realize I didn’t say what I meant, which can happen with IMs.”

    Then just keep it upbeat and let him know that you are open to him being around.

    Elle, don’t beat yourself up about it. Just learn from and make corrections either with him or the next guy. State your boundaries, but then be open to all else.

    Don’t feel defensive. That is wasted energy and that negative vibe will come out. He will feel it and maybe be confused by it.



  337.  #337rusty on July 7, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    And yet I don’t think I was so ‘bad’ that if he wanted me, like REALLY wanted me, he wouldn’t try again.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Keep in mind the relationship was new. He may have seen something repeating that he has seen before. Don’t assume that a man will climb a mountain for you in the very beginning. Many guys have been beat up as you have, and thus they start wanting to see that there will be a positive outcome for their efforts.

    So this is why “testing” a man may not turn out the way you want. You might run guys off that are the right guy.

    Just be authentic, be yourself. be honest and open, but respect your boundaries. No need to be defensive if the guy isn’t outright assaulting or insulting your boundaries. In which case, why be defensive, be offensive and tell him to go the heck away.



  338.  #338Ella on July 7, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    For example, other guys who have wanted me have taken a lot worse put off than anything I said in that conversation and STILL come back after me.

    It is more to do with how I am feeling about him… and how much I want him.

    Of course my life can be and IS great without him (I am Rockstar and my life is GREAT!) and on the other hand it felt AMAZING being with him.

    Sigh…

    Oh well, let it go.

    Just create lots of fun around me.

    Love everyone and be open and maybe they will be more like him… or more like him will show up… Or I will naturally achieve the feeling I had with him for myself.

    I want to turn this around.

    And also you know… if a man is really into a woman, then a lil pushing away will not stop him… in fact it could even fuel the fire!!

    And I have had past situations like this… where I have got all caught up on what I did wrong with a guy, then I have put it behind me and moved on… and later, often much later, he is around again and things are different.



  339.  #339Lilybelle on July 7, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    332:

    Ella~ THIS is what I was trying to say:

    “But most of the time – it’s not the case. If he was for YOU, he simply wouldn’t go away no matter what you did or said.”

    You can’t say or do the wrong thing with the right man.

    This article is completely relevant. It focuses on exactly what is going on with YOU right now.

    xoxo



  340.  #340Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    @271: Lilybelle says:
    “..Being pulled over by a cop. That was actually very funny…”

    But was he cute and charming and did you make five-second eye contact?

    😀



  341.  #341Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    @272: Ella says:
    …It is not that I disagree, more I wonder if there is a better way to express it…’

    Heinie?

    😀



  342.  #342Lilybelle on July 7, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    337:

    Foiled again. It was FEMALE cop. LOL!!! 🙂

    It was funny because my CD totally changed his tune while he was interacting with her. I stood back on the side of the road and smile the whole time. She winked at me.



  343.  #343Ella on July 7, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    Lillybelle

    Yes I agree again.

    I just got a reply from Rori (that was so quick) and am just waiting to hear from her that it is ok to post her reply here for everyone to see.

    Thanks for your lovely support tonight.

    xoxox



  344.  #344Ella on July 7, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    SLV whats Heinie?



  345.  #345Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    @278: Dorothea says:
    “…cuz sometimes, seriously, it is as simple as “man, you’re being an ass…”

    Jackass could work. Jackass sounds a better to some ears. But really I don’t think it matters much because Rusty wouldn’t place any value on what any woman thought or felt or said. Perhaps his mother in a limited way, but probably not her either.

    With some men it’s physical, they can’t help it. Probably aren’t capable of realizing it either. Once you figure out the guy is one of those it’s best to run. Or still better move away backwards; he won’t know how far away you are as long as he thinks you’re looking at him. I recall seeing that in “Out of Africa” when Meryl Streep moves away from the lioness. Well, the lion did get shot I believe but we don’t have to go that far with Rusty.

    😀



  346.  #346Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    341: Ella says:
    SLV whats Heinie?

    Backside.

    Hmmm, that word doesn’t look kind of “Germanic” spelled out that way. I wasn’t implying anything nationalistic.

    xoxo



  347.  #347Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    @279: Ella says:
    “…I don’t see the point in taking dogs for walks on leads though…”

    Depends. Where I live it’s required by law unless the dog is in a designated run area. But mostly there are no citations given for dogs running in any park, run area or not, unless it causes a problem. Of course you have to get them there which could be blocks away… so a leash is necessary but those retractable ones give more freedom of movement.

    😀



  348.  #348Ella on July 7, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    SLV re 342,

    That feels kinda bad to read! 🙁

    Do you really dislike Rusty on here?



  349.  #349Lilybelle on July 7, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    340:

    I feel anxious to hear what she says.

    Awww, it was my pleasure, Ella. I’m glad I was here and helped, even just a bit. 😉

    xoxo



  350.  #350Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    @339: Lilybelle says:
    “…Foiled again. It was FEMALE cop. LOL!!! …”

    Was she cute and charming and did you make five-second eye contact?

    😀



  351.  #351Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    @345: Ella says:
    “…Do you really dislike Rusty on here?…”

    I have nothing to compare; I’ve never met him elsewhere. I don’t imagine he’s any different in real life but it could be just a role he’s playing, pretending to speak for all men on earth while counseling random women on the blog.

    😀



  352.  #352Ella on July 7, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    SLV lol…

    I said on here bc I appreciate here is not real life exactly and so I know people can come across a bit differently and their issues shine through etc.



  353.  #353Ella on July 7, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Re 339

    And did she have a big truncheon? 🙂



  354.  #354Lilybelle on July 7, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    347:

    ROFL!!

    🙂

    I did smile..actually, the whole time and I did give her the five second stare. She had a bit of a smirk on her face the whole time she was interacting with him. I had fun just standing there on the side of the road, enjoying the turn of events.



  355.  #355Lilybelle on July 7, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    Does anyone here know anything about acupressure?

    I still have the ear infection, am on my second round of antibiotic drops. Apparently my canal is filled with infection and is plugged up. I’d like to try to drain it naturally,avoiding a trip to the ENT for roto-rooting by the Dr.

    Anyone?



  356.  #356Ella on July 7, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    Lillybelle I have no idea re the ear… but maybe you could look into ear candles which they use for getting rid of ear wax?? x



  357.  #357Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 6:09 pm

    Awwww, I feel appreciative of Rusty.

    Sometimes I’m not in the mood for masculine thoughts so I just skip over. And sometimes I’ve perceived him as being a bit bitter over his marriage issues. Yet I’ve also read some words from him that I’ve found very useful. I find him to be articulate and thorough and generous with his thoughts. I feel appreciative to hear a male perspective. I don’t always agree with everything he says yet I feel happy he is here. I also appreciative that he is open to feedback and doesn’t get defensive.

    I feel defensive of him and kinda sad.



  358.  #358Laughing Goddess on July 7, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    Ear candles would be my suggestion too. Although I think they may not be recommended when an infection is present. Also, if there is a lot of congestion it will probably take more than one per ear. I do love them though and I always feel better after using them.



  359.  #359Senior Lady Vibe on July 7, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    @354: Laughing Goddess says:
    “…I also appreciative that he is open to feedback and doesn’t get defensive.
    I feel defensive of him and kinda sad….”

    See, he doesn’t have to… he has you. That’s kind of sweet, LG. My impression is he is not open to feedback; maybe he is. Or maybe it depends upon what is meant by “open.” … On second thought I think he has been somewhat open in the past. That’s good! I don’t read him as much anymore, seems less open now.

    😀



  360.  #360DE on July 7, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    Gosh, u guys been killing me with so many the posts and awesome conversations …I feel a bit jealous I can’t participate during the day :(…i have a bit to catch up on…i read a few back around 2pm…and i have a post…coming up next…for Rusty and Sirens…



  361.  #361DE on July 7, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    Rusty:

    I read a bit ago one of your posts, where u agreed to the four of Rori’s rules and acknowledged them as key to creating a healthy relationship…Daria posted them…and that felt awesome to read…Later, u used Daria’s “feeling blamey” story as an example of how guys see it as “yuck”…and a few other…

    I feel uncertain of the reason(s) you make comments about men/women dialogues/miscommunications…and bring man to man dialogues as examples to refute it … It seems to me u are comparing apples to oranges…

    I believe that constant focus on men/women differences in style of communications will never solve our issues…it would bring understanding and validation (temporary fix), but it would never solve the issues in long term…

    While I work on this blog to respect and not emasculate men, stay true to what I feel and take responsibility for it, I would also like to see men taking responsibility for their lack of sensibility, accountability, and not just excuses for how men are/or talk to each other…

    Men want us to be open, loving, supportive, etc…yet, most of them don’t want to participate in creating the climate for which we can stay open, loving and supportive…

    Continuously bringing up comparisons of men to men interactions in a man/woman interaction…feels awfully tiring to me…and I noticed many Sirens fell for these discussions…because of course, it’s familiar…we’ve been doing it for a long time…playing cool as one of the guys…

    By entertaining these conversations, we all, women, and men…once more divert from learning who we really are at the core of it all…and we continue to “depend” on one another for advice…which is often not an “individual’s real truth”…just my humble observation…

    Overall, I welcome you on the blog and on sharing your experiences…

    Warm hugs,



  362.  #362DE on July 7, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    Sirens,

    Watch this video on this site…the music and the water therapy is just amazing to watch…i felt soooo melty…

    http://www.amnionaquatics.com/



  363.  #363Daria on July 7, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    DE – thank you for sticking up for me to RuSTy.

    there is something triggering there…

    “Men want us to be open, loving, supportive, etc…yet, most of them don’t want to participate in creating the climate for which we can stay open, loving and supportive…”

    there is aa lmiitgn belief!

    that is not true… here it is out to be healed

    love to you

    thank you… i felt scared then safe… yay reading your comment



  364.  #364Daria on July 7, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    and i didnt know rusty was commenting my stuff.. i feel surprised… and kinda not so .. very

    Rusty is here to vent

    and be admired for his logic

    hehe

    Rusty



  365.  #365Ice Princess on July 7, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    No contact from him today. Maybe I did push him away yesterday a little. I wonder now if he will have an excuse to cancel our plans for tomorrow now. I will not call him, I will not no matter what I have to do to keep myself from doing it! I’m going to try to love myself like Daria does…
    Thank you IP for cleaning and getting rid of junk today.
    Thank you IP for getting me dinner.
    Thank you IP for shaving my legs.
    Thank you IP for making plans for me for tomorrow morning.



  366.  #366Daria on July 7, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    im having a trauma reaction!!!

    that hEavy cold numbness and limpness

    is what rori talks about on Love sCripts… a trauma reaction!

    yeah!

    omg

    the WHOLE TIME I THOUGHT I WAS Stuffing anger

    and instead im having a trauma reaction

    wooo hooo

    i feel so excited

    wow i just breathed out of it

    im in my head now

    i love my body

    i felt bad

    i felt like i got slammed by a truck

    my tummy feels punched

    i love my feelings

    and i sad so

    i said

    N: it feels bad being asked that 🙁 i dont want to do that

    go meeee!!

    thats all i have to say!



  367.  #367Wildflower on July 7, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    Back from my pole dancing class. Pretty sure I was the oldest woman there (that’s a NV issue in my head but no one else seemed to care). I LOVED IT!!! Thank you Ella and Tinque for your support. Femininewoman I would HIGHLY recommend you try it. There was such a range of women there. NOONE had a “perfect” body. Some were pretty athletic and coordinated. Some not so much. But everyone looked beautiful and everyone seemed to have respect for the fact that it’s not as easy as it looks–so I felt comfortable. My only regret is I didn’t try it a long time ago. Yeah I feel proud of myself for trying something I would have been judgmental about in the past!!! I feel so happy and sexy right now 🙂



  368.  #368DE on July 7, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    Daria #360:

    Daria said : “there is something triggering there…

    DE said :“Men want us to be open, loving, supportive, etc…yet, most of them don’t want to participate in creating the climate for which we can stay open, loving and supportive…”

    Daria said : “there is a limiting belief! that is not true… here it is out to be healed”

    **********************

    I feel very curious and baffled….as to what extent this is a “limiting belief”?!!! Limited in the sense Daria wants to believe all men are helping to create the supporting climate, etc…

    And/or this belief would limit my thoughts…and thus, my reality…and in turn will mirror back to me men who would not be helping create the supporting climate ….etc…

    Based on the current facts, this is a reality…while I welcome Rusty on the blog, I “still” believe his quick willingness to say “yes, that’s true, but…” and “go with the punches” is a diversion from conflict…if he does that with women he is not emotionally involved…i can only imagine the reality with a woman he does love…in his case…i imagine a lot of passive aggression…

    Yes, i feel curious about u take on it…

    Warm hugs,



  369.  #369Dorothea on July 7, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    I feel sooo good. I love having my own life be a priority again. I am really loving taking care of myself very well, and learning to go about life differently, and eventually finding balance and harmony with also having a romantic relationship in my life.

    I’ve done this for a week or two at a time before but I always get sucked back into the distraction relationships. The key is being committed I guess this time to myself and not slipping back. It’s the consistency that is valuable, in most everything too, far more than sporadic spurts of self-love and care. I feel this way about my guys too…i want consistent…not a rollercoaster of various levels of caring treatment.

    But anyway, I’m really no good as a partner to anyone if I can’t take care of myself exceptionally well, and in my opinion a partner is no good to me if he isn’t taking care of himself quite well too.

    What do you all think?



  370.  #370DE on July 7, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    Dorothea:

    Yes, yes, yes…:) That’s what I think …:)

    I listed qualities that I want in a man…first 25 blurred out…and then, i had to pick my top five…and I realized …i lack one of my top five…:( so, having the desire/expectation of someone else filling the want we don’t possess within ourself…will backfire in the long run…it’s lack a union based on “lack”…and not “abundance”…

    Warm hugs,



  371.  #371Mel on July 7, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    Hey Lillybelle,

    Have you ever heard of a netty pot? They are actually used to clean out your sinuses, but the ear, nose and throat are all connected. Perhaps this might help?

    This sounds really weird…

    My dog had a bad ear infection. The vet gave us this stuff to put in her ears. It was lactic acid (from milk) It dries up the excess moisture and clears things up.

    Because it was a more or less natural product I tried it on myself when I had a really painfully blocked ear. (I have really small ear canals so I’m prone to that.) It worked like a charm! But you would have to get it at a vet/petstore. LOL. It’s called Epi-Otic

    Sounds like a Seinfeld episode in which Kramer uses dog medicine…. Oh well, it worked!



  372.  #372FlowerChild77 on July 7, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    Mel is right—netti pots really work. I use one for allergy symptoms and fluid in my ears. All natural (just make sure to use distilled water; tap water usually burns.) They have them at Walgreen’s and places like that for around $6.00.

    I go to an osteopathic physician and I take my grand daughter to her for ear infections and she’s been able to clear up some of them without anti-biotics. (Not every D.O. practices OMT–but the ones who do have “magic hands.”) 🙂



  373.  #373LobbyStar on July 7, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    I’ve been talking to this guy for a few days, and tonight he asked if I was game for sexting with him.

    After some thought, I replied that I felt it was too soon for that.

    He said, “That’s ok. :-)”

    I felt really good that I expressed myself and it was ok. He did not go away.

    I love getting to know my girl.



  374.  #374Dorothea on July 7, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    What you say about love/relationship being about abundance and not about filling lack feels really powerful to me. Going to ponder on it for a while.



  375.  #375Emerson on July 7, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    Ugh…I feel uncertain about mentioning this on the blog for fear of people being offended..

    but I feel triggered and overwhelmed and like I want to block out….when I see all these blog entriess back and forth between Rusty and sirens.

    It feels so wordy and hard to read, argumentative at times, insightful at times, but I feel a harsh vibe at times…and I feel like scrolling down…



  376.  #376AmazingMe on July 8, 2011 at 12:15 am

    Emerson I sometimes feel that way and actually just scroll down but noone should be offended. If you do not want to participate in someone’s conversation on the blog that is your right. I see it is therapeutic for some when the vibe is harsh, that is why I love the blog. We all have a choice to participate, learn, or just stay quiet and reflect. I had a horrible nightmare, second one this week, It is 3 am here. The great part about it is when I awake I tend to analyze what it was that scared the crap out of me. I found with this nightmare it was about my mom. I learned that when I am most vulnerable and scared and in trouble, my mom is there for me. That was such a nice feeling, so I turned this horrible nightmare into a lesson in a way. I am so greatful to have my mom she will always be my hero in reality or elsewhere. She is pretty amazing, she is the one that I strive for her acceptance, opinions, praise, and just making her proud. I want her to feel like she did an amazing job with raising AmazingMe 🙂



  377.  #377AmazingMe on July 8, 2011 at 12:33 am

    Top 5 qualities I want in my man: Not in order but all 5 is ideal…..
    1.Honesty
    2. Hard Working
    3. Loyal
    4. Affectionate
    5. Funny
    I do not have to have a rich man but a man willing to work hard to earn his keep. I love to laugh with my man it is soothing to the soul. Honesty and loyalty are hand in hand, and affectionate is a must because I am a loving affectionate person. In my eyes if a man has these qualities he would be worth the fight. It doesn’t seem like much but actually is a lot and when anything conflicts with these 5 things, “RED FLAG.” I am learning more about this each day, We as people are who we are. Most do not change within these qualities you either have them or you don’t. Haven’t had much practice finding Mr. Right because my focus is elsewhere. I just hope that all the self love I am learning will one day pay off when I am ready. One day I will open my eyes and clearly see him standing in front of me and instead of running I will hold out my arms. Ok I am done boring you it is 330 A.M. where else can I type all my thoughts for others to read and give feedback or just embrace my thoughts or learn as I do with others. Thanks all!



  378.  #378Lucy on July 8, 2011 at 1:40 am

    Ella, I’m so glad Lillybelly was able to help you tonight and that you heard from Rori! I feel interested in hearing Rori’s response. Mostly I want to encourage you to follow your heart and speak your heart to men. YeS – a strong, emotionally available man will Not be so easily put off and will Not need you to reassure him. I feel so blessed to be experiencing being pursued by a good man who is seeing the Real, Authentic, Vulnerable, Scared Me. I tell him how I feel. And at first I was quite quiet about



  379.  #379Lucy on July 8, 2011 at 1:47 am

    about everything… not giving much response to him (simple thank you’s for compliments, etc.)…leaning waaay back… which was all very refreshing, intriguing, beguiling, and adorable to him as he has many women throwing themselves at him. A healthy man sees and knows what he wants and does not need to be coaxed. I am finding out now how true that is! He says I am so loveable! And of course I express “happy” feelings too… and we are fun and playful together … but sometimes I am scared, and say so…



  380.  #380Lucy on July 8, 2011 at 1:50 am

    I think you have a really good grasp on this stuff, Ella, and can just relax and Trust yourself. <3



  381.  #381Kyla on July 8, 2011 at 3:29 am

    My ex husband called this morning before I’d even gotten out of bed. He threatened to stop me from going next month unless I agree to do things his way. He was shouting at me and aggressive. I was half asleep and felt furious. I told him I will not be spoken to in this way. I will not tolerate threats and I will not communicate with someone shouting over me. When he shouted further threats I lost my patience altogether and told him to f&ck off and hung up.

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

    I feel rage!

    I feel white hot heat in my head!

    I feel tension through my whole body and adrenaline pounding through my veins!

    I feel every cell in my body ready for attack!

    Breathing into the rage, deep breathing into the heat and the tension. It looks like red, electrical energy. It looks bright and glittering. I love my rage. I love how strong my body is. I love my fight reflex. I love me!

    I feel indignant. How dare you speak to me like that! I do not want to be attacked and threatened. I will not allow this treatment! That feels like my body shaking. Breathing into the shaking. I love my indignation. I love my shaking. I love me!

    I feel mistrustful. That feels like pressure in my chest. That feels like my heart closing up into a tight, hard ball. That looks like a shiny ball of steel. Breathing into my heart. I love my steely heart. I love my fear. I love my defensiveness. That feels like warmth in my chest. That looks like my steely heart is really a shimmering golden heart! I love me!

    I feel exhausted. I feel my body going limp. I feel the energy draining from me. I feel vulnerable. Breathing into my limpness. I love my limp body. I love me!

    I feel tension in my neck. It feels like pinching. Breathing into the tension in my neck. Allowing my shoulders to soften and let go. Feeling the tension release slightly. Mmmm that feels better. I love my tension. I love me!

    I feel calmer. I feel more connected. That looks like powerful cords rooting me into the earth and drawing in pure energy. That feels empowering. I feel stronger. I love me!

    I am going to be kind and loving and gentle with me. I am in charge of me. I will take care of me. I will be ok. I am ok. I am always ok.

    I’m going to shower and feed myself breakfast. I’m going to start the day again.



  382.  #382Daria on July 8, 2011 at 3:58 am

    If I don’t look to fill perceived lack then I wont look for – stability, financial security – ?? Hmm

    I’ll intangle this by breathing



  383.  #383Daria on July 8, 2011 at 4:01 am

    ‘I am selfish’ is showing up as a core belief. K
    I don’t believe in selfishness.

    People feel bad and unappreciated around me.

    Men will not want to stay with me bec I’m selfish.

    I live all my N Vs



  384.  #384femenrgylove on July 8, 2011 at 4:02 am

    i feel like writing an email to the guy and his ex,and tell them i do not feel like being part of the drama,i do not feel like receiving secret emails from anyone about anything and whatever situation they have they must sort it out without me.it has nothing to do with me.i feel i want to be out in the open with showing her i am having no influence on whatever he is deciding as i have not seen him in a while.i also feel i need him not to use me in any way if he is telling her he is not wanting to be with her because of me,he needs to man up and tell her its him and not me.what do you guys think?



  385.  #385femenrgylove on July 8, 2011 at 5:22 am

    it sucks that when i’m awake the other sirens are snoozing away somewhere on siren island.wake up ladies!!time to make hay………………….
    just realised how that phrase can be misconstrued…



  386.  #386Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 5:25 am

    RE 382 I am here. It is also great to know that Rori have clients all over the world who subscribe here and might be in a different time zone. It helps me to know how unique or common our situations are.



  387.  #387Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 5:27 am

    RE 381 I would just respond to whoever writes to me what I don’t want to hear.



  388.  #388Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 5:38 am

    RE 378 Kyla is it possible that he might be fearful of something and this is a cry for love?

    Wondering about I will not be spoken to in this way. “I feel afraid and do not want to be shouted at. I want to hear your anger but I can’t hear it when I feel attacked. I don’t like feeling this way. I sense you are anxious and will be open to listening to you when we can discuss this without shouting”.

    I used something similar to this yesterday, though our discussion was calmer, and was surprised at the outcome.



  389.  #389Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 5:39 am

    Just got this and thought I’d share:-

    Are you determined to forget the past? I know many people don’t fully understand what that means. They wonder, “How can I forget something that’s happened to me?” But one definition of the word forget is to disregard intentionally or to overlook. In other words, you have to choose to disregard your past so that it doesn’t hold you back. That means the good and the bad. Sometimes our past victories keep us from rising higher as much as our past failures can. If we don’t let go of the old, we’ll never be able to embrace the new.



  390.  #390femenrgylove on July 8, 2011 at 5:43 am

    FW woohoooo,so glad you’re a night owl 🙂
    yeah i feel it is right for me to lean back out of this situation to let them both know,it is not in my siren interest to be bullied or badgered in any way 🙂
    when i’m getting ready for bed is when all the sirens are up and getting things together..wonderful how life is 🙂
    i feel thankful that you are here with me FW,i really appreciate it.
    bisous



  391.  #391Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 5:45 am

    RE 374 AmazingMe I have cdated a hardworking man who works 16 hours per day on his own business. I am just wondering if that would be okay with you.



  392.  #392Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 5:47 am

    RE 387 It is morning here.



  393.  #393Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 5:49 am

    RE 387 I am questioning if they are bullying or badgering. Do you think you have no choice in the matter? For me it is about boundary setting. Remember we teach people how to treat us.



  394.  #394Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 5:54 am

    Lucy I feel giggly reading your posts. Wasn’t it you who kept on saying that you live in such a small town that you believe you will not find someone because the choices were so limited?



  395.  #395femenrgylove on July 8, 2011 at 5:56 am

    i feel bullied by the girl,the first time i had an encounter with her she had taken my number from his phone,this was when i first found out that they were still ‘meeting’.this is when i stepped back.completely,no contact etc.the last time i saw him was a month ago at a mutual friends birthday party.even then i was nice but leaned way back and he tried several times to talk,i was open and spoke to him.that was the last i heard or saw him.then last night i got an email from her.so i have no idea what is happening with them,but i do know i do not want to be receiving emails when i have nothing to do with their situation.i dont know if she is writing me in secret or if he knows.when she had called me she had made it clear that he loved her and that i should forget about having a relationship with him.i accepted that.but writing me after all this time is a no no.so yes you are right.in this situation i must teach her to treat me with respect.i respected her when she called and she must do the same by leaving me out of whatever they have happening now.
    i have the choice to state my boundary and walk away,thanks FW



  396.  #396Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 6:02 am

    RE 276 SLV and Ella I saw an ad this morning about “Fluidity” I am not sure I will buy but many of the moves/exercises we do in the class.



  397.  #397Kyla on July 8, 2011 at 6:20 am

    Oh FW I know I could’ve handled it so much better 🙁

    I was still in bed, semi conscious and the first thing I heard was an angry man telling me to expect a court summons and that the cards were in his hands now. I felt shocked and confused. I know I started out trying to breath into my pelvis and listen and use fm’s but my patience was gone when I blurted out the ‘I will not’s’.

    He is collecting the kids this evening so I am trying to work through my feelings before then so I can communicate clearly. I do think he felt pressure as the date is getting closer and maybe powerless and this was his way of trying to feel better.

    I feel disappointed I participated in his drama this morning and I also think that I can use this morning to re-script my reactions for the next interaction.



  398.  #398Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 6:30 am

    RE 392 That sounds good to me femenrgylove



  399.  #399Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 6:45 am

    RE 394 Shows you have a high level of awareness. It was what it was and I would hug myself if I were you. I have found that noticing oneself is more productive that disappointment in one self. You did the best you could in the moment.



  400.  #400Kyla on July 8, 2011 at 6:48 am

    Well he text to ask could he collect them later and in my response I used the fm’s that I wanted to use this morning until I allowed my anger to get the better of me. He responded with an apology and an explanation for what triggered him and then he called and we spoke briefly and the entire tone and vibe had changed 🙂

    I feel relieved and grateful. I notice my triggers and the length of time it takes me to return to peace are decreasing. I feel proud of myself. I love me!



  401.  #401Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 6:50 am

    Wildflower how was the class?



  402.  #402Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 6:51 am

    RE 397 Yayyy Kyla.



  403.  #403Mel on July 8, 2011 at 6:52 am

    Wow, that’s awesome Kyla!

    I’m finding myself reacting out of anger a lot these days instead of using FM’s. I really need to work on this. 🙂



  404.  #404Kyla on July 8, 2011 at 6:55 am

    Aw thank you FW that felt good to read. I had been hugging myself and saying well done for doing better. It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t perfect. Use it as a learning opportunity and then I was given the opportunity to try again and I was prepared for it. YAY for not letting my emotions and nv’s run me!



  405.  #405Kyla on July 8, 2011 at 7:08 am

    Hey Mel!

    Big ((hugs)) for you.

    I felt excited reading about the possibilities you were looking into the other day.

    I try to just ‘sit’ with my anger until I feel the intensity decrease rather than communicate while I’m at its crest. Doesn’t always work though!!



  406.  #406Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 7:10 am

    RE 400 Big hugs to you Mel.



  407.  #407Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 7:11 am

    Brenda thinking of you and hope you are finding peace.



  408.  #408LobbyStar on July 8, 2011 at 7:28 am

    Somehow, I met a guy on the dating site that I went out with for a few weeks 15 years ago! He wants to take me out again.

    This is not a potential r’ship, but definitely will be a great CD opportunity!



  409.  #409Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 7:29 am

    http://commitment-relationship.com/why-men-will-not-tell-you-this-straight-up/

    You, as a woman, can show him by his actions how to take steps toward building the kind of relationship YOU want with him.

    But if you become upset and angry because of how your man is acting, you will lose this power.



  410.  #410Ladybug on July 8, 2011 at 7:29 am

    Men who try to yell at me on the phone…YUCK! My response is to tell them they must have the wrong number, nobody talks to me that way, and I hang up.
    They call back in 20 minutes calm and rational and ready to discuss whatever their issue is in a respectful manner.

    DD and I got to laughing last night. We both have Gentle Giant BFs with the same first name and we were both waiting for them to pop up on IM. We were bit confused over whose J it was when one finally did. She doesn’t want to talk to an Old Guy, I don’t want to creep out her Canoe Boy!

    DD goes with her Dad for a week this evening. She asked me if I would go to Biker Camp to see if I can set up activities for her and School Bus Boyfriend to spend more time together this summer. I am the -Mom who Gets It- to the young people there. I don’t mind getting to know some of the newer residents and the owner is an old friend.



  411.  #411Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 8:38 am

    “Your ATTRACTION ACTIVATION is RADIATING, are you noticing any shifts in yourself, the way you relate to others or they relate to you? What are you noticing?

    STEP THREE- SPECIFY

    Specify What I Want My Perfect ____________to Expect of Me?

    What do I want, what are my dreams, goals, values, passions? How do I want to live?

    This is where you get to list your desires and begin to believe that your perfect partner wants for you what you want for you. Here, you shut the door on sacrifices and suffering, and step into your glory. You decide what YOU WANT, and what you want your perfect relationships to expect of you.

    This is not about what you think people expect of you or will want from you, this is about you, and what you want. YOU set the expectations for others!

    Remember the clearer you are in what YOU WANT the easier it can manifest. Being SPECIFIC about what you really want and believing it is possible is what opens the doors to your perfect life and perfect mate.

    Your experiences may have left you feeling like you are not supposed to want; yet unless you know what you want, you cannot manifest or receive it. So be honest here. Begin to create your life.

    Consider every detail that is important to you including, and not limited to, your activities and interests, your availability physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, your financial status, where you live, how you spend your time, holidays, etc.

    REMEMBER THE BUMBLE WHO WASN’T SUPPOSED TO FLY AND YET HE DOES ANYWAY!

    START DESIGNING AND CREATING YOUR LIFE!

    Here’s to your JOY, LOVE and SUCCESS!

    Cheri Valentine



  412.  #412Lucy on July 8, 2011 at 8:39 am

    FW, yes, that was me… and unfortunately that is still the biggest obstacle – he lives quite far away, and bridging the distance is very challenging for us. He seems determined to make it work… but I wonder if it really can, given both of our circumstances. For now I am trying to not worry about the future and am just basking in his love…and healing stuff (tons of stuff is coming up to be healed and he is like this rock that I, the ocean, keep washing over and he stays solid)…and using Rori tools…



  413.  #413AmazingMe on July 8, 2011 at 8:39 am

    #388: I guess i was trying to say in a positive way I don’t want a lazy man that doesn’t like to work. My ex was like that so it triggers me 🙂



  414.  #414Lucy on July 8, 2011 at 8:44 am

    So we shall see. I wish so much that he lived closer… and he does too… I am trying to trust that all is as it should be… and will play out as it should…. <3



  415.  #415Femininewoman on July 8, 2011 at 9:10 am

    RE 410 That to me is not being specific about what I would want. I remember the saying “what you resist persists”. Also this seems to be focused on what he did. I am working through this also so please bear with me. It would make me feel so cherished if I had a man who chose to work to take care of me as well as change priorities if necessary to spend quality time with me.



  416.  #416T-Girl on July 8, 2011 at 10:00 am

    New post up.



  417.  #417AmazingMe on July 8, 2011 at 11:38 am

    Re:412 yes thanks for input, feeling messages are still a work in progress..but well said.



  418.  #418Brenda on July 8, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Subscribing



  419.  #419Nikita on July 8, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Yummy yummy men



  420.  #420Nini on July 10, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    Breanda
    Oh yes.
    It was a huge hit.
    New name. New life.
    Thanks. You started it all 🙂 🙂
    Nini



  421.  #421Nini on July 10, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Having a good time here.
    Feeling good.
    Travelling
    Meeting people
    Loving it
    Never knew travelling helps to heal to this extend.
    I feel good.
    I feel grateful
    I feel happy
    Love
    Nini



  422.  #422Brenda on July 10, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    Nini,

    Big smiles!