Happiness and Love

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happiness and loveJust a little lift for you here –  I’m responding to Shannon’s heartfelt comments:

Happy doesn’t necessarily look…smooth.

We will never not be triggered.

So what?

We may always bounce around – up to down, angry to guilty, powerful to fearful….and, again – so what?

If we can learn to look for the peace and happiness in each moment as it comes – deal with the hard and challenging stuff by taking action for ourselves and sometimes doing nothing at all – then we don’t have to know the “why” of anything.

Yeah, sometimes we feel like we’re picking ourselves up off the floor.

Yeah, sometimes it all feels too good to be true and we’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Our work here, and anyone’s words here that resonate with any one of us just because “they do,”  is all about taking all the “import” out of this…sort of knocking out the foundations of what our unhappiness is built on, and leaving a cleaner slate for happiness to naturally just BE.

What if our natural state is happiness, and all we have to do is not invest ourselves in unhappiness – no matter what shows up?

I know for myself that I’ll be on that train marked Peace and Love for the rest of my life…inch by inch, cloud and sky and rain and heat and chill and stop by stop – no matter the bumps in the road.

See you in the dining car.

Love, Rori

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486 Comments

  1.  #1Daria on August 31, 2010 at 4:58 am

    Omg!

    Yesssss. He came over. We talked. We talked about how he doesn’t like kissing and how I feel not respected and where have my lips been — yes it went there — and how it doesn’t feel good to have to explain myself or feel like I’m not clean.

    And then he kissed me! He says he’s tryn hard to understand me… I feel the same but I’m just bearing with him.



  2.  #2Daria on August 31, 2010 at 5:11 am

    He wanted to go “do everything” upstairs including kissing… I seis I felt scared I want a lil at a time.. He wound up kissing me downstairs when I wasn’t thinking about it.

    We laid in my bed upstairs and he went home when I got tired… I felt a lil sad he left it felt good when he was holding me. I told him I’d miss him. That was opening up to me.

    He said he’s trying so hard cuz he likes me.. Maybe I don’t see it the lil things like to
    E and drink.. I do see it I appreciate that,

    Do u think ur too self centered I ask him

    Then upstairs he’s Luke massage me again the self centered thing. He says I’m the most sf centered ever. Good I say. I’m trying.

    He is opening up some. He didn’t mean to snub me on the 7 dollars last time. He called me like 4 times including the day after. He understands why I’m not tryna do “that” again, I felt like I did too much I’m at the limits. He didn’t get why at first he thought we goin backwards… I say we not I feel like we goin forward. I feel like u always pressure me for sex. It’s cuz I like u an I want to know ur mine… Yes I want to be romantic I feel unsure not having slept with u yet.

    Well I like to feel and be shown before. I don’t sleep with someone just cuz they’re attractive. I decide to.

    Mm I feel good that I talked and he kissed me and were on the way and he’s Gina ca me and he’s not tryna duds me even tho he’s am
    Quiet amd John Wayne like and about himself and seems to kno no conventions of when to have sex or dating… It’s all on me to speak openly he’ll adjust. Omgosh this felt feet.



  3.  #3Daria on August 31, 2010 at 5:19 am

    So I guess he’s fermaphobic .. As far as kissing etc. I think that’s stupid but it’s not me. He had a bottle of sanitized on his belt.

    But he did kiss me. O I Aldo let him touch my nani… I just remembered… It felt good…

    Hmmm.. Now I feel mistrustful again… I’m practicing opening and saying how I feel anyway…

    He’s so directive … Self centered I think .. But ima jus keep requiring great treatment

    Like… Walk me to the door.. Massage me… Can u get me some water

    Lol

    But it’s manly.. I want to feel it on me.

    I wonder what will happen …

    Ps I missed 19 when this dude was cuddling me… 19 cuddled me all nite and … Ok

    Lol

    I’ve got so many handsome dudes pursuing me



  4.  #4Daria on August 31, 2010 at 5:20 am

    Even when I lean forward they turn out to have been wantin to reach me.



  5.  #5AmberS on August 31, 2010 at 6:18 am

    Rori,

    Thank you for this post. I feel so happy. I feel good learning about your big-picture approach to life. I feel grateful.



  6.  #6Brenda on August 31, 2010 at 8:23 am

    Whenever I see Bill in the hallway, I just realized that I lean hard against the wall. I typically even lean my head against the wall sideways. It is because I feel so nervous and insecure. It keeps me from trembling or making nervous movements. It is a way of leaning back, by being against the wall.

    Is that an okay substitute for the dance position? If I try to have palms out and leaning slightly back, I feel all kinds of awkward because I’m not that graceful to begin with, and I make fast, clumsy movements when I feel nervous.

    Just wondering if anyone feels like giving me some feedback on this. I know it’s kinda trite but that’s how nervous I am around men to whom I’m attracted. I just haven’t been around that many in my life cuz they all ran for the hills in the past when they saw how self-conscious and clutzy I was.

    This is something new for me.



  7.  #7AmberS on August 31, 2010 at 8:30 am

    Brenda- Do you feel inviting when you stand that way or do you feel closed off or leaning forward?



  8.  #8dorothea on August 31, 2010 at 8:52 am

    Brenda, omg i do/did the same thing. so awkwardly nervous both physically and conversationally around boys i like. the only thing i could do and still do is practice the rori raye dance position with every man ever. at least imagining a tree thru me into the ground, and lean back. palms out i try to remember to do when i’m sitting. if i feel into my upward facing palms when i’m sitting, it forces my posture upward and my whole sitting body into a really graceful form. it feels really good.



  9.  #9Brenda on August 31, 2010 at 9:06 am

    Amber,

    I feel inviting and leaning back, but almost to a degree where it’s a position that a couple would be in if they were about to share an intimate kiss. I feel like a high school girl leaning against the locker in the middle of the hall at school! LOL!

    I think my tilted head gives it that feeling, somehow makes it an intimate position. I don’t know. I just realize how utterly nervous I am around him. The wall gives me a feeling of security and stability. Maybe a baby step would be to stand on my two feet and not lean and work on the dance position. and be grounded and rooted like the tree.



  10.  #10Brenda on August 31, 2010 at 9:07 am

    It feels weird to even talk about it, like who cares? Yet it is one of many things I feel awkward about in the presence of an attractive man.



  11.  #11tinque on August 31, 2010 at 9:21 am

    Actually Brenda, leaning against a wall like that is a version of grounding as in reaching out to touch a solid object, and this gets you straight into your body. I like the tree image very much, and you could expand this image into this sold thing being transformed by a breath of wind into a softly swaying thing, dancing, moving gracefully…
    How does that feel?
    xxoo



  12.  #12Brenda on August 31, 2010 at 9:26 am

    Hey Tinque,

    I likes that! I think I’ll keep leaning against the wall!

    Then I want to think about leaning back when I am seated and he comes to my desk. My extra chair is behind me, so I swivel around and my body is in open space, visible by him. If I were slender, I would feel really confident.

    But being so overweight, when I lean back, my belly sticks out. And my thighs rub together so I have to make a conscious effort to keep my legs together, because it takes muscle to do so. I try to bend my legs and cross my ankles.

    Hmmm, maybe I will try rolling my chair over to the part of the desk behind me (it’s U-shaped) and slide under that part and lean back. Then the desk will cover my belly and hard-to-hold-together legs while I have moved in to a closer, more intimate position. Unnerve him a little by being 2-3 feet from him.

    And smile. Deep breaths. See how nervous I am!?



  13.  #13Turtle Girl on August 31, 2010 at 9:52 am

    Great post.

    I remember something from the Buddha I think it was.

    Paraphrasing-

    We are not on our way to happiness-happiness is the way.

    I was on the Inner Bonding site this morning-great article about self abandonment and how it is always the root of the problem of us being free and happy.

    Much in line with what Rori teaches here. Get our own life, be happy, and stop making him the prize or the source of our happiness.

    Rori said:
    “sort of knocking out the foundations of what our unhappiness is built on, and leaving a cleaner slate for happiness to naturally just BE.”

    That is awesome because after all we ARE human BEings. I mean what is our unhappiness built on?
    Old shit, resentments, fears, grievances, expectations, blah blah blah blah. And somehow HE is going to come along and fix all that? Nah.
    We have to do that for ourselves or else the right Mr. Him is never gonna show up.

    I know people that when bumps in the road come up they blow up, get angry, lament for days, freak out have a melt down, whatever. Instead they could just deal with the problem and move on with happy. But they don’t. AND I USED TO BE THIS WAY.

    Car breaks, melt down.
    Events get canceled-all bummed out and pissy.
    Someone says something rude or neab-angry reaction or depression.
    Mr. man not doing what I expect-cry, withdraw, get fearful, blow up, stuff down feelings, blah blah blah…..

    Not very strong on the inside or soft on the outside. Both sides effed up. I had to have a shift in my way of thinking and living. So I really like this post on happiness-it truly is within and comes from the inside out. Grounded. Calm. Loving. Letting go.
    Moving on and letting him be who he is. Live and let live.



  14.  #14bea on August 31, 2010 at 11:16 am

    Rori,

    Between this post and yesterday’s email (about the anchor and that even men in love pull back a little), I feel so frustrated! I’m feeling sad that things with the boy messed up because I was unaware of that. When we were together I was completely in my feminine energy (and he felt good) and then he’d pull back. Because I’d never experienced this before (or maybe I did but I didn’t notice it), I would, I am embarrassed to say, freak out and that would make him pull back more and now we’re done. Yesterday I saw a picture of him (he and the friend that introduced us are still friends and I stumbled across a recent picture of them together) and I felt sad that he is no longer in my life. I know I can’t do anything like reach out to him or let him know how I feel so instead I’m sharing it here. I feel very sad.

    Bea



  15.  #15Melissa on August 31, 2010 at 11:39 am

    Hi,
    I ordered two different items from your site. Although, I really liked both items, I am not certain that it is what I need based on my relationship status. Okay so, here is the deal. I have been in a committed relationship for seven years. Last May, I discovered that he was cheating on me. After this, I left him. After not speaking with him for several months, we began to see one another again. However, now he is with the other woman in a committed relationship. We are now seeing one another (without her knowledge) and things appear to be working in my favor. It all is so sordid. I have encouraged him to be honest with her, but I cannot make him do it. As I write this, I am embarrassed of what my relationship has become. HELP! Do I stay and work on this relationship because it does appear that we love each other and if so, what program is best for me.



  16.  #16Mercedes on August 31, 2010 at 11:41 am

    Rori: I love this part especially:

    “We may always bounce around – up to down, angry to guilty, powerful to fearful….and, again – so what?

    If we can learn to look for the peace and happiness in each moment as it comes – deal with the hard and challenging stuff by taking action for ourselves and sometimes doing nothing at all – then we don’t have to know the “why” of anything.”

    As usual…a REALLY, REALLY great post! Thank you!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  17.  #17Brenda on August 31, 2010 at 11:58 am

    I want to be love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, forgiveness, gentleness, meekness, and self-control.

    That last one gets me every time. I like cheesecake and movies a heck of a lot more than carrot sticks and mopping! LOL!

    I so funny!



  18.  #18Rima on August 31, 2010 at 12:23 pm

    it feels sweet to read you ladies.. i have something to email Roi about , would she respond to me if I do so..
    i have been with my boy friend for a 1 year long distance relationship.. and for 3 months he had been holding back,, though he loves me just cause i opened up to him and gave him all what i have, feel and more.. he comes every 2 months to stay with me for two weeks or so.. and we he promised me to commit this year but was showing me pretexts and reasons i could not swallow , cause of his study and not being ready and bla bla bla,,, i feel he is afraid of commitment.. though he loves me to death,, there are no infidelity issues but he lied to me on many occasions…and the last sexy thing he came out with , that he will disappear from my life till he is ready to commit but is afraid when he shows up again i am with another guy.. the sad part is whenever i need him, want him and show this, he scares,, and whenever i pull away, act cold and detached, he clings to me like a sick baby,, this is so pathetic… he is not emotionally mature,., from inside i still love him and want him,, but not like this,,. i am not expressing my same romance and passion as before..i am showing him iam better and doing well, sometimes i collapse, get weak,, cry and write poems to him,,,. i draw my whole life tobe with him,, and though he is miles away, i always felt he is just here by my side,, but they always change by time…
    ladies, how can i email Roi about this…and i would like your help and advices lovely ladies so i get over this… i have selfconfidence but have been building my life and seeing myself through him, andi am already a v sensitive and fragile person,,. he took advantage of this big time…:
    thank u



  19.  #19Daria on August 31, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    Brenda – how about self trust. i am practicing self trust. i trust myself to do whats best for me!



  20.  #20Rima on August 31, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    self -loving and self trust Daria, they do the best for you,, once a dear friend told me, :” the happiness stems from deep within you, never expect or wait from outside, whatever /whoever is the source”.

    i just emailed my bf:”The real question
    about holding on to the love and desire in a long term relationship
    whether there are shared dreams and expectations. If you are working as hard as you to let me know your love and
    desire, trying to plan ways to be together, reciprocating the
    kind of wishes i have for you– then we can live at a distance
    and feel emotionally loved and held. If, on the other-hand, it feels
    like my authentic expressions are not being matched- then i will always love and respect myself more and will get to admit” i deserve much better than this, emotionally and in treatment-“,,



  21.  #21AmberS on August 31, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    Daria

    “… I trust myself to do whats best for me”

    This is so good. I just put this on a post-it on my monitor at work.



  22.  #22Daria on August 31, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    19 is back in town! he says we should see each other cuz hes leaving agian soon

    it would feel so good to see him!



  23.  #23Daria on August 31, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    Brenda – It feels really scary for me to open my palms out when i am facing someone i don’t feel 100% comfortable with — like a crowd of people, or a handsome man —

    babysteps

    leaning back , palms open, back against the wall is ok



  24.  #24Daria on August 31, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    Unnerve him a lil by being 2 – 3 feet away — this is a TOTAL GUESS!!

    you don’t know how he feels…

    i BET YOU FEEL unnerved hehe

    do the “man getting close to you, how close can you let him” exercise



  25.  #25AmberS on August 31, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    19 is back! I feel excited for you. My imagination sees this as a flamenco dance. I like this image



  26.  #26AmberS on August 31, 2010 at 1:03 pm


  27.  #27Daria on August 31, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    now that i can have any man i want, i am noticin a bunch who look the same! lol

    freakin, my ex, Transformer, Dman, This Dude that was here last nite, this new dude online

    they look the SAME



  28.  #28Daria on August 31, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    so the same, i want to take their pictures side by side and compare them!



  29.  #29Daria on August 31, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    i can Flamenco! love how my posture felt when i was doing it



  30.  #30AmberS on August 31, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Maybe it will turn into a Tango…



  31.  #31Rori Raye on August 31, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    Rima, Hi, I think you’ve answered your own question…this is no way to live your life – bumped around. Circular Date = maybe he’ll grow up – but your devotion won’t do it. He has to do it himself. Love, Rori



  32.  #32Rori Raye on August 31, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    Melissa – you know me – if he’s not married he’s fair game. And yet, if feels bad. This is called polyamory. You’ve been a threesome for quite a long while now. If it were me, the only way I’d let him become in any way exclusive with me is a wedding ring – and even then I wouldn’t bet on his fidelity. That’s okay with some women – make sure it’s you…Love, Rori



  33.  #33Jacqueline on August 31, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    Hi! Melissa – this sounds like it could be really damaging to you in the long run! Are you addicted to him? Is he toxic??? Lots of stuff there….and I wish you all the best. Hope you stick around, if you want you can email me to talk. I think you need someone to bounce these ideas off of!

    Best,
    Jacqueline



  34.  #34Jacqueline on August 31, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    Hi! Daria!!!! thanks for visiting the blog and posting….I was so confused as to what you were saying – check my reply….grin…been too many days since I’ve been “grounded” here!!

    Hi, Brenda, Hi, Tinque!!!



  35.  #35Brenda on August 31, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    Daria,

    Thank you! Your ideas help!



  36.  #36Rima on August 31, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    Thanks Dear Roi..i know he has to change by himself but the story is a bit complicated .He is an only child, with a dominant though kind father.. he is not financially independent cause he is at the grad school at the moment and solely depends on the family for survival.. i want him to stand on his feet and be a man, not a dependent boy. he cannot take a decision by his own, and i am way stronger than he is..this does not affect the relation.. i am what i am..i know how to help him but i want help myself find a seek a balanced life without him in it..cause i still cannot imagine living my life with another man.
    Another worrying thing is heis used to cheerful and independent me..but when i pass even if rarely as a dependent needing person, this turns him off so roughly..

    love, what a torture thing is love..hell and Eden..



  37.  #37Jacqueline on August 31, 2010 at 8:18 pm

    Hi again…wow blogging is hard on a relationship? Have had a LOT of hostility and jealousy from my guy every since I turned even a little of my attention off of HIM. It feels like punishment and pushes all my buttons! We’ve talked, argued, supposedly all good…then it starts again. You know, I don’t want to sit and watch America’s got Talent, so why is it SUCH an issue??

    Any comments will be appreciated…..we’ve been through a lot…financial difficulties, all sorts of stuff and nothing has had such a bad reaction from him other than my making him not quite the FOCUS of my world.

    I don’t know how to react after trying for what – 2 weeks or so to understand, to ask what do you think…etc. other than just to be really really angry!

    What do you all think? can jealousy ruin a relationship when it isn’t of another PERSON???

    Thanks,
    J



  38.  #38Lizzie on August 31, 2010 at 8:55 pm

    Hi Jacqueline,
    I am sending you the article in word…

    Ok then about your man – he is, most likely operating out of fear. Here is something I have sitting on one of my computers; I wrote it down once when I was working with someone who has an explosive temper. This helped me a great deal while I was working with my traumatized kids as well:

    Frustration, anger and lashing out are reactions to feelings of fear; these reactions are experienced to prevent me/the person from feeling something even more painful (for my kids it was “life or death”. To find the pain before it consumes me/them, listen with empathy and openness (what I call the third ear and I think Rori calls it level 2); keep drilling down with the questions that are short and very clear.

    This is what it sounds like:
    “I can feel it that you are very upset with me”
    wait for the response
    it will be a “YES” or a clarification of the feeling; or a continued spouting-off. My experience is that it is usually very loud, accusatory, filled with anger, etc etc. Be sure not to get triggered in the moment, nor to respond with anything other than an “and…tell me more…”
    then –
    “I feel what you are saying is really important”
    wait for the response
    “I am listening …. please tell me more, and I will say that whatever you are going to say to me is important and I really want to hear you”

    by now, there may be a shift in the conversation from anger to a good conversation

    It is extremely important not to get “hooked” and begin discounting or justifying as this isn’t about you, it is all about them and they need to get it all out and know that you have heard them.

    As my kids and my trigger-angry friend can not move to problem solving while they are in this space, I do not do problem solving at this time. I will respond with something like: “I am really glad that you told me what the issue really is, this is complicated and really important so I think/feel we need to set aside time to come up with solutions that will work for both of us. Can we do that later, like in an hour, or would you prefer tomorrow morning?”

    What do you think?



  39.  #39Jacqueline on August 31, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    Hey, Lizzie! Soooo glad to have you back! I tried the I’m listening thing for two weeks….then went to shut up, and now? after he got out of the shower he was all Mr. nice guy again, so I just let it go. That’s the thing, how do you say, I hear you and I don’t CARE what you think? I mean, I love you and our life together is dandy….but really, I’m NOT going to play small here anymore.

    You missed the whole I think men ignore and pretend what happened didn’t happen as a male version of walk away….lol….and it works. My best friend and I have been doing it for years with work situations, and it worked tonite.

    Maybe that’s a kind of holding the space…..for him to come to terms with it.

    But you know, much like loosing a bunch of weight – people don’t want you to change. and in this case I’m not so much changing as just allowing a little more of my powerful self to show.

    I can listen to him, hear the fear, etc. but this is my line in the sand – you missed that, too. I will not be censored by a man – I got divorced over it, and it’s never going to happen again. He’s pretty clear on that – and so, like Rori says above – we just bounce around on it and if he lets it go, I let it go….

    for now.

    I just hope to hell the old if they’re throwing accusations at you – THEY’RE doing something doesn’t apply! I am the least jealous woman I’ve ever known – so maybe I just don’t relate?

    OR maybe I pick men I can clearly outshine??? Brutal honesty huh?

    Thanks so much….and to anyone else as well….

    G’nite! oh, and look for the Jacqueline and Lizzie in the convertible Thelma and Louise moment – but hey! we’ve got bungeeeeeeessssss…….

    parachuting,
    J



  40.  #40Brenda on August 31, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    Lizzie,

    I really like that script as long as someone is just venting. But I wouldn’t do that if they are being emotionally abusive, as in screaming at me, accusing, criticizing, etc.



  41.  #41Brenda on August 31, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    Jacqueline,

    You’re funny! I like your social, sweet self! I like your shout outs, balloons, and lollipops! How sweet! I give drinks out!!!

    I want a Ruby relaxer and a long beach iced tea with raspberry!



  42.  #42Lizzie on August 31, 2010 at 9:38 pm

    Jaqueline – I have a boundary on the same issue as well as what I do with my body – like can you believe my ex-h thought he had imput as to “if” I should have an histerectomy! Like give me a break – I am the one living with the pain here….deal breaker city…

    anyhoooooo, I would be inclined to not let it sit like a dead whale on the dining room table for too long – it will begin to really get smelly.

    Something that focuses on your feelings and needs would be a healthy place to begin: Hey sweetie, this thing about my new thing, and how that all fits in our luscious life together, needs a safe place to belong. (Imagine a completly screwed-up quizical eyeball face at this point). So I am feeling the need for a eyeball to eyeball, belly button to belly button chit chat about this and your eyeballs and belly button is critical – in other words, I am not having the conversation in my head all by myself. Alrightie sweetie? and this is not a question.

    So, hunny-bunches, one of the big things with me, is something that is also important to you – RESPECT. So speeking now from your belly-button, what is your definition of RESPECT????

    Awesome answer!

    Good, now, my belly-button’s turn. This is what RESPECT means to me…..I get to use my brains, I get to share my insights and knowledge with people all over the world, I get to have lunch with really interesting people that like my brains, I get to write books at all hours of the day because that is what using my brains means to me….and you get to be proud that I use my brains, you get to go tell all your friends how proud you are of me because I am F@#$ing brilliant!

    ….parachuting? OK, I have a tent…..
    I feel triggered….
    I am going to bed……



  43.  #43Lizzie on August 31, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    Brenda – you are absolutely correct – abuse is not on with me; big line in the sand on that one.



  44.  #44Brenda on August 31, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    I’m way past ready for bed. But Drew Barrymore’s on Jimmy Falon! She’s my favorite actor!



  45.  #45Lucy on August 31, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    feelin sad tonight. no response yet from WH since I responded to him. 🙁



  46.  #46Laughing goddess on August 31, 2010 at 11:13 pm

    Hi Jaqueline!

    Arm is doing much better, thanks for asking.

    I’m off on a little vacation tomorrow!

    Xoxoxoxoxoxo



  47.  #47Daria on September 1, 2010 at 1:14 am

    I am a great problem solver.

    I have great ideas.

    I take huge risks.

    I am very likeable.

    I am attentive to detail.

    I am accurate logical and brilliant.

    I am methodical.

    I am creative flexible eager.

    I HATE interacting with people.

    I like teaching people.

    I feel timid.

    I feel intimidated.

    i feel id rather not.

    they feel uncomfortable around me

    ugh

    i dont feel good in my spine all the way up to the top of my head

    i love this tight bar sensation

    they didnt like me

    they thoght so at first but then they realized with horror what i was and were horrified

    ugh



  48.  #48Daria on September 1, 2010 at 1:17 am

    i love my ugh.

    i just had some guys i just met over.

    i never called back dude from last nite who called.

    ufff

    hes like

    not calling again, hes so serious about shit

    like

    he expects me to call im sure

    but dude

    anyway

    yeah i felt afraid to see him

    cuz i feel unsure about sex

    sex sex sex

    pressure

    well i never had someone want to have sex with me so much

    i see how that could be a good thing

    and a mirror

    at least i have guys wanting to have sex with me very much



  49.  #49Daria on September 1, 2010 at 1:19 am

    i wanted 19 over but he didnt come. after he kept asking how to get there and i told him. and he asked more details and stuf. then hes like ok what are we gonna do. then he doesnt write back.

    so ok 19. whatever. but i have this image of him here and us having fun and now im “stressin an workin an puttin in effort” to have it become real, for me

    ugh…

    blah…

    thats ok daria… you’re doing it for you and you’ll get the hang of this how to keep yourself happy thing

    you are a fountain yum



  50.  #50Daria on September 1, 2010 at 1:21 am

    All my guys are fine. I have hella fine “pieces” as my girl calls them.

    YEAHHH!!

    hehe

    i pull the best ones. all the girls jockin

    i feel watery eyes

    i have something that says this is important for me to feel good enough or important

    i have to have an attractive wantable man to consider myself important

    ugh

    sucky sucky



  51.  #51Daria on September 1, 2010 at 1:25 am

    You know, I had one CD I keep thinking about, his hands were like giving off electricity, I liked how that felt cuz it really turned me on, not all men have it.

    And then he didnt call me! he said to call him, and i did… that day… but not after

    hey! where did you go CD! you had magic hands.

    it felt good when he kissed my boobs… and i was thinking it didnt… cuz it doesnt with most guys

    uff

    i want THAT

    and THAT

    andthat

    i want it alll



  52.  #52AmberS on September 1, 2010 at 7:48 am

    Lizzie- #38

    Thanks for posting that. That was really easy for me to understand. I know Rori has talked about anger and I’ve read variations of this. Your post is GREAT and hopefully will stick with me better.



  53.  #53Mercedes on September 1, 2010 at 7:49 am

    Jacqueline: “can jealousy ruin a relationship when it isn’t of another PERSON???”

    Yeah…I think it can. Generally, when a person is jealous of something like the time you spend on the internet it is because of two things. First, and this you already realize, you are spending less time with him. Anytime we take the focus off of someone, especially when we’ve been showering them with focus for a long time, they come toward us and the initial reaction isn’t always a good one. This is why leaning back is so darn effective. It’s the same thing. You’ve found something you are passionate about and so you’re “leaning back” and you honestly and authentically don’t care what he’s doing when you are blogging. That’s exactly what leaning back is and your results are exactly what we get when we do it. We get attention from the person we are backing away from. It shows he’s still interested. Usually when we originally start to lean back, the men get defensive or angry. It’s a natural response. And it shows he cares and that he isn’t comfortable without you by his side. You could also look at this as circular dating yourself. Same thing. You step back…he comes forward…and not always in a good way…especially in the beginning.

    Then there is the fact that even though it isn’t really another person…it is. Think about how many people are “falling in love” on the internet. You are talking to others. You are emailing and communicating…you are spending time with other people on the internet and that can cause some anxiety. Lots and lots of affairs have started by people just talking to some random person they’ve never met in person but spend a lot of time with online. Your guy is probably very aware of this and unless he’s reading what you’re writing, he could very, very much need your support and understanding to help ease his anxieties. I think this is especially true for couples who met each other online. If you met him on a dating site or if either of you have ever had online dating profiles…well…their could be some jealousy related to that as well.

    If you are sharing this part of your life with him and he has access to everything you are writing, then those anxieties will go away on their own (as they did with J) but if it feels “hidden” to him then you will need to find a way to ease his tension over this…and telling him to let it go probably isn’t going to do that.

    Maybe if you reversed the situation and really put yourself in his shoes and imagined what it would be like for you if he was spending a lot of time talking to other people on the internet and you weren’t sure who he was talking to or what he was talking about? Would it help you to feel more empathy for what he might be going through?

    I know for me, J has the ability to read everything I ever write online. He’s read a lot of it, I’ve asked his advice on some of it and he has the ability to look at it anytime he wants. He doesn’t generally do that unless I ask him to or if he comes in to talk to me while I’m writing and we talk about it, but he CAN and I think that helps.

    For Rori and some others, their men don’t read what they write. Instead, they’ve found other ways to ease any anxiety they might create in the eyes and hearts of their men. I think for you, your guy needs a little understanding and possibly some access to what you’re writing. Chances are good when he has all inclusive access and can trust (and I know he should be able to do this without reading your stuff but not everyone can) that you aren’t “meeting people” in the way that makes him jealous…he’ll lose interest in keeping you away from it. Also, if you create a good balance between blogging and spending quality time (not just quantity time) with him…he’ll be better able to respect what you’re doing.

    Does that make sense? Did I overstep? See what happens when people say “what do you think?” and I respond?

    LOL

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  54.  #54AmberS on September 1, 2010 at 7:54 am

    BRENDA!!!!

    I’m jumping in and out of here (since I’m at work) but HOW ARE YOU, YOU LOVELY FEMININE SIREN YOU?

    Your outfit yesterday sounds beautiful 🙂



  55.  #55tinque on September 1, 2010 at 8:08 am

    “can jealousy ruin a relationship when it isn’t of another PERSON???”

    Yes Jacqueline. It can. My ex was ENORMOUSLY jealous of me going back to college, couldn’t stand it, and thankfully because of it, we ended as a couple, for which I am eternally grateful. I wanted out almost from the beginning and for reasons I don’t want to get into right now (though I will answer any questions) I stayed.
    His jealousy got me out of there.
    You might ask yourself if this is the kind of man you want, one who does not support your passions.



  56.  #56tinque on September 1, 2010 at 8:15 am

    Miss M has a good idea, to allow him access to your writing even if he never exercises it.
    K is like Rori’s husband. He has never read any of my stuff but not because I won’t let him. He knows he can read anything at anytime, but he chooses not to. Maybe he just has no interest. Many men are just not that into reading about all this stuff we women so get off on.
    xxoo



  57.  #57Tmizz on September 1, 2010 at 8:27 am

    This is a great post – lots of really useful stuff in there.

    I have a question. Mercedes, you brought up something interesting to me. “Usually when we originally start to lean back, the men get defensive or angry. It’s a natural response. And it shows he cares and that he isn’t comfortable without you by his side.”

    I get this ALL THE TIME. In fact, I would say it’s a major part of all or most of the relationships that I’ve had with men (at least in the last few years), only it typically signifies the end of the relationship – not positive shift. That gets frustrating to me. I can tell myself all I want that the only reason the guy is being defensive and angry is that he really likes me and cares for me. But HE never gets to point of having that same realization and/or doing something about it. Maybe it’s because I’m focusing too much of my energy on thinking about that. I guess that has to do with the fact that feeling someone else’s anger toward me is triggering in some way. I want it to go away. I want to just have the nice, juicy, good feelings again. I want them to like me, and I want to KNOW that they like me, even if we’re not in a relationship. Do you know what I mean? I’m also frustrated that this keeps happening. And I guess what I want to know is, if this is natural, and a normal kind of “guy” response – what’s next? What happens after they get defensive and angry? What happens if I let them have their feelings without unconsciously pushing them away by being frightened to death that they never WILL come toward me again and that I HAVE pushed them away already?

    Do you know what I mean? Thoughts, ideas?



  58.  #58Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 8:37 am

    Tinque, RE: #56 – I would feel bad if my man didn’t read my stuff. I want to be with a man who is interested in every nook and cranny of my life! 🙂



  59.  #59tinque on September 1, 2010 at 8:41 am

    Tmizz – “if this is natural, and a normal kind of “guy” response”
    This has not been my experience. Maybe my man is unusual, I don’t know, but I have found that when I lean back, he eventually comes forward, and it’s usually sooner than later.
    And he seems to come to me with renewed interest and enthusiasm.
    If your man gets angry and defensive, I would suggest saying and in the moment that this feels bad, and you don;t want to feel this way. And then you turn and leave the room. BUT throughout this, even though your heart may be filled with fear or anger even, try as best as you can to keep it open and soft, loving and vulnerable, an invitation for him when and if he wants to come to you.
    Make sense?
    xxoo



  60.  #60Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 8:42 am

    Amber,

    Thanks! You’re funny and sweet! Yeah, I felt really sexy, as sexy as one can be in an overweight body, wearing what I wore yesterday, and I do again today, too. I wore polyester teal, turquoise, green, and navy blue print pants with a matching teal tank top under a teal button down blouse worn open. Hmmm, I think I’ll button it partway since I’m at work. The pants have a matching low cut, sleeveless v-neck shirt that shows buccu cleavage! I wear it with the matching panties (yes, same nylon print!!) and turquoise bra in case it peeks out! I don’t quite dare to wear the matching shirt at work cuz it’s TOO low cut. The set was actually sold as pajamas! I got it last year for Ryan, and he really liked it! But when I bought it, the clerk told me someone else bought it to wear at a wedding!



  61.  #61tinque on September 1, 2010 at 8:44 am

    Brenda – Yes I hear you, and I too used to feel bad. I thought he wasn’t interested in me and what I do, but it’s not really like that. It’s not even that he’s not interested as I said previously. I don’t really know how to put this into words.
    He loves me and supports all that I do. He gets excited when something I write is published or a promotional piece is released featuring my work, yet he doesn’t read it.
    I’ve learned to be very okay with this as did Rori. Though I don’t know that it ever bothered her as it did me at one time.
    xxoo



  62.  #62Mercedes on September 1, 2010 at 8:53 am

    Tmizz: In my opinion it has a LOT to do with the energy you are sending him. Also has a lot to do with your reaction to his anger or defensiveness. AND it has a lot to do with your motiviation for leaning back (are you doing it to make him angry or are you doing it to take care of yourself?).

    When the guys you are with get this way, do you explain to them why they have no right to be angry or do you explain to them that you aren’t doing what you do to make them angry but you are doing it to take care of yourself and your own feelings? Do you blame them for why they made you lean back or do you explain to them that when you are feeling lonely and sad you do whatever it takes to feel better and sometimes that means doing things he isn’t a part of.

    “What happens if I let them have their feelings without unconsciously pushing them away by being frightened to death that they never WILL come toward me again and that I HAVE pushed them away already? ”

    I can’t speak for every guy or for every relationship, but when J saw that his anger at me for dating other men (when he was unable/unwilling to commit) had pretty much zero effect on me…well…he stepped the hell up. Big time. But…he also loved me so there was a part of his heart that was opening by me being gone and that is what made him angry. When I wouldn’t allow him to use me to let that anger grow (meaning I never argued with him…ever) he changed…a lot.

    Actual conversation (paraphrased because it was so long ago):

    Me: “okay, so you’re angry, I can understand why you would be. I was angry when you dated other women too. But besides asking me to take care of YOU instead of take care of ME, what can I do to help you get past your anger?”…

    Him: “Stop dating other men”…

    Me: “and how is that going to help me find the love and commitment I am looking for? Now..I don’t want to see you angry, but I’m not going to hurt anymore. I need to do this. And just so you know…I miss you too.”

    Him: “Why don’t you want to spend time with me if you miss me so much?”

    Me: “Because I can’t remember the last time I spent time with you and smiled. The conversations with you are generally very much like this one and I really, really need to be with someone I can smile with.”

    That woke him up. He stopped trying to pick fights with me anyway…but it also took effort on MY part not to have these “deep” conversations every time we were together. He also tried to fill up my calendar. He was especially afraid of weekends. He pretty much asked me out every weekend and would call a LOT to ask me to have dinner with him during the week. He hated it when I said “I’m sorry…I already have plans.” but…he stopped getting angry and started getting very, very sweet about explaining to ME why we belonged together and why none of these other men were good enough for me or could create anything even close to what we had together.

    And one other time (when we were committed but very new at it) I had made a guy friend at a class I went to and I was meeting this friend for a cup of coffee one night. J was pissed, but I was tired of playing second place to his video games so I was out exploring the world while he was lost in one battle or another. He all of a sudden wanted to go with me and was insistent that if this was just a friend, I wouldn’t mind him joining us (jealous? insecure? yes). I told him he had been so moody and hard to talk to lately that I didn’t feel comfortable introducing him to my friends. Plus, consistently when the two of us went out, he was in a hurry to get back home and play the game (in other words, he would take me out to dinner to humor me or to passify me but he wasn’t into it at all). I let him know that if he showed me the old J again that I would LOVE for him to join me on stuff like this. He sent several texts while I was out and changed totally in the weeks ahead.

    That time it was rather quick. Since then we’ve had the same problem at various times with the video games and it seems to take longer each time and I get more and more uncomfortable looking outside of our relationship for something to do when he’s busy with a game controller…but…I stay persistent with taking care of me and without fail…he ends up coming around. It takes longer now, but he’s a lot less angry and a lot more open to my feelings since we’ve been down this road before. He sort of sees the signs ahead of time or is at least open to my words when I actually tell him we’re repeating a pattern.

    I don’t know if that helped or not. I started to ramble…

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  63.  #63faubourg on September 1, 2010 at 9:52 am

    i feel i am getting into happiness little by little

    I am not yet circular dating, i am doing baby steps…

    what i do for now is that I am observing and things are changing, i see some very appealing men, and it is good, it feels good,

    i talk to a few (too few) men and my discoveries are huge!

    there was this guy (the not appealing one type of guy) on sunday who told me he did not feel like talking to me, i was smiling and kind it was a social context, he was so cold and abrupt, i felt like “what’s wrong with him?!” i was being polite and this man is reacting cold and nasty and showing clearly that he does not want to talk to me. i noticed he felt uneasy with women, I am happy because i did not feel that there was sthg wrong with me as i would have before, I wanted to thank him because i realized that sometimes i attract and go for nasty men, cold, uninteresting and despising men,

    I am so glad, i felt detachment and not concerned by his behaviour, this is such a modern siren state of mind, and my attitude was to turn my back on him simply and talk to other people

    i wish to meet nice, interesting and interested men

    i deserve it, i just don’t know what to start with and my libido is craving for sex so it is hard this opposition between my body needs and my head

    i feel like going on the internet is like selling myself like a product and that i am a product which is not valuable, i feel unable to match the requirements of a man, i feel so far behind, i feel not “in the game”, just watching the game

    i want to get in the game,



  64.  #64Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 10:01 am

    My ex-h was somewhat interested in the writing I was doing, but I was very selective in what I showed him — because I felt too vulnerable about it — until after it was published. There was one horrible point in our marriage where he accused me of spending too much time writing and not enough time with the kids — which was so ridiculously untrue — I spent more quality and quantity time with my kids than any other mother I knew — played Legos and Barbies and read aloud every single night — including all seven Harry Potter books and all seven Chronicles of Narnia . . . My best guess is that he said it because he knew what a devoted mother I was and that it would totally push my buttons to say what he said. And of course it did. I felt intense guilt, even though in my heart I knew he was wrong, and I stopped writing. 🙁

    Now, the one guy I date on a fairly regular basis, D, is a published writer and he is always asking to read my stuff and saying he will give me constructive feedback. But it feels too vulnerable and personal to me. It does feel good, though, that he is keenly interested in that part of me — we talk about writing a lot. (Btw, I had two glasses of wine with him Monday night — and drank lots of water — and felt fine. And…ended up having sex with him, which was nice. It felt especially good emotionally because he said a lot of great things about me during it, and one thing I liked is that he said my name — you know what I mean? — yeah, I felt wanted and appreciated for being me. He emailed me the next day and said “You are an incredible woman in many ways.” 🙂 Feels good to hear stuff like that.)



  65.  #65faubourg on September 1, 2010 at 10:18 am

    i need to declare my independence! i need to free myself from the mediocrity and declare my needs and my wishes

    i am feeling so immature towards men, i need to declare that i am a real woman and that i can be the woman of a man i want, his wife the mother of his kids and his woman in and outside the bedroom



  66.  #66Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:19 am

    Lucy, I feel so happy for you!



  67.  #67Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:21 am

    SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!

    I am re-posting this in case anyone missed it!

    You may remember that Erika said on Friday she has an idea of something she would like to do (for free). When I didn’t see anything more about it, I emailed her and asked. Here is her idea…

    She is open to doing an HBR call (probably 90 minutes) with the Sirens!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    She said we can do a general anger release and positive reframing of beliefs session … She doesn’t have time to organize a group, so I offered to do that. She is going to run a teleclass… She can take questions beforehand and answer them on the call … She can take a list of limiting beliefs and frustrations collected from the whole group and use that for tapping sequences.

    The basic idea is that this is an opportunity to check out HBR for free in a group teleclass. Everyone would tap along and benefit from the call. Erika’s suggestion for a topic is Clearing Anger and Limiting Beliefs About Men, but she’s open to other topics if there is a different consensus.

    I asked Rori about it, and this is what she said:

    “Hi Brenda, This is Rori – I’m totally fine with whatever you wish to do – I love EFT and the HBR that Erika has developed from it (I love and know Erika, too), and would be fine however you wanted to handle it…I assume it would be some kind of conference teleclass – and if you’ll let me know when it is, I’ll try and attend. I can’t help you organize – but you have my blessings to do whatever you’d like…feel free to put the link up somewhere in a comment….Love, Rori”

    We would need to do the call an evening or weekend Pacific time after Sept. 12.

    The next thing, if you want to do it, is to email me if will commit to join us on the call. After we have a cohesive group, I will provide details and set up the call itself. This week is extraordinarily busy for Erika, so she is leaving it entirely in my hands to recruit people.

    This is an exciting opportunity to discover new ideas towards being our best selves! So what do you think?? Please email me at mistywindfall@earthlink.net if you would like to participate!

    Feel free to use a screen name different from on the blog if you wish to remain anonymous!

    Love,
    Brenda



  68.  #68Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 10:27 am

    @ Brenda – love that as you can in an overweight body!!! I gained ANOTHER 5 lbs!!! menopause or grief over laptop or MAN????

    Mercedes,

    Thank you so much for your wisdom. The thing is, he can’t have “access” to my stuff – it’s too triggering for him. I have a lot of controversial stuff in my past and he’s heard it, forgot it, heard it, forgot it again and again…and I don’t want to even say it again. ha! unless I blog it…my past is full of stuff that he doesn’t want to know – I think it’s why the forgetting every time we discuss any of it?

    His big thing was Athol and also I’d downloaded a special report thing on how to write a profile, so I definitely think you’re “especially if you met on the net is right on.”

    Somehow, Mary just didn’t trigger him the same way – har.

    So we agreed he’ll just leave it alone, but along the lines of what Tinque is saying, if he cannot stand me being in the world – and I barely got an agreement that a business lunch with a man would pass muster, he may have issues that are deal breakers.

    All my attentionon him has only made me fat and unhappy….lol…not in a blaming way but in a I let myself get very boxed in way, and now I wanna open the box, but not necessarily put him in it and out for trash, you know?

    You obviously thought your J was worth a lot; and on that I think Athol is point on. We “fall” into monogamy. I mean, he basically picked me and I didn’t find too many objections so I let it happen.

    If who he really IS is that person who could not stand to see me go to a rotary club meeting? ugh!!!!

    My personal feeling and observation and experience is if someone’s going to cheat they’re gonna do it from finding someone like at the Jack n the Box – it doesn’t matter where. And for me it matters a lot more if they’re going to be honest and tell me.

    I had that deal once with an ex in my early 20’s – and when I told him I wanted to be with someone else, he almost died??? S**t, I thought we’d had an agreement.

    So, I think the difference here is this is not a relationship I’ve got a huge investment in keeping – ergo, no belly button talk. It’s a relationship where he kind of grabbed me and tried to mold me and is slowly realizing he can’t….and what will that mean?

    I dunno why the blonde hair and blue eyes fool them….I mean I’ve got an iron will behind the smile, ha!

    Shoutout to Lizzie there – you can make me bend, you can have all my attention, you can have me NEVER say no to sex (I hate withholding as a power play, etc. don’t even want that dynamic in my space!)….you can jump up and down and make me “mommy,” all for awhile. And then…..you can realize I did it all to be nice, get over it and figure out who I AM….if you want to hang around that long.

    And, that, is why I come with a disclaimer – I’m gonna break your heart. Cuz after all that, and it looks like love, and it feels like love, but it’s really just me….and then I don’t wanna play anymore, it’s SO hard to make them understand that they just kind of took advantage of the girlfriend thing and didn’t stop to notice……I wasn’t a moveable doll.

    Please all, feel free to comment – this is big, to me and to all of us, I think!

    Happy day,
    Jacqueline



  69.  #69AmberS on September 1, 2010 at 10:38 am

    Jacqueline,

    I’ve been reading your posts and they are riveting. I haven’t said anything because it’s all still swirling around in my head. In my good, self empowered cycles I am a tall, blue-eyed blonde. When I don’t keep the balance I’m a tall CHUBBY blue-eyed blond. And it never ceases to amaze me what a difference that makes in the way others interact with me. Men AND women.

    “I wasn’t a moveable doll”

    That hit me like a daisycutter.

    I’m wondering about reading #68 as if the guy wrote it. I haven’t done it yet (darn work is piling up) but I will in a bit. I’m interested in how that feels to me to have it coming at me instead of from me.

    PS- solemn, hand on heart, RIP to your laptop.

    PSS- I was so tempted to post to JackAmok’s latest comment (among other snary things that I immediately rejected) “Ah Jack, don’t take your toys and run away. It’s okay to play with girls… Don’t be such an Athol…” Ah. But I restrained myself.



  70.  #70Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 10:43 am

    Yeah, imagine this being what men are thinking behind their hazel eyes:

    “And, that, is why I come with a disclaimer – I’m gonna break your heart. Cuz after all that, and it looks like love, and it feels like love, but it’s really just me….and then I don’t wanna play anymore, it’s SO hard to make them understand that they just kind of took advantage of the boyfriend thing and didn’t stop to notice……I wasn’t a Rabbit.”



  71.  #71Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 10:46 am

    LOL..@ Amber….missed you girl! and wondered where you were – personally, and yall don’t go throw tomatoes at him, I kind of think Jack IS Athol??? sounds a LOT like him and jumps to the defense every time. I’m letting it go on because it is amusing.

    Thank you for the laptop sympathy….and yeah, I know the difference in the blonde thing….even 20 pounds….and 20 year olds are asking me out. Now they don’t even see me. I have diet pills but I hate them – this all seems menopause ish to me, but if it doesn’t stop, I’m just going to use them like medicine. Cannot function and can’t buy new clothes. sigh….

    Thank you, Ms. Darling AmberS!!!!



  72.  #72Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 10:46 am

    “that no men are here outside my balcony. HELL?OO i have a balconyyyy!!! where are my suitors!!!”

    Maybe the world is telling you to start working on your amazing, best-selling, Oprah-loving, movie-making, money-making BOOK about Daria’s balcony…..



  73.  #73Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 10:48 am

    Daria, I second the motion! All you’d have to do to write your book is copy and paste from your floating journal and then refine it! You already got the raw material!

    What would you call your book?



  74.  #74Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 10:48 am

    @ Lucy – shoutout….we live in different worlds; I never met a man that felt used by sex?….or a woman? and I NEED the disclaimer….I actually told him I don’t want to fall in love (vulnerable at the time) I’ll just trade you sex for chores. He DIDN’T LISTEN???!!! why is that?

    oh, yeah, I said SEX….

    Congrats on new man!

    J



  75.  #75Apple Jacks on September 1, 2010 at 10:53 am

    Testing….



  76.  #76Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 10:56 am

    Hi Jacqueline. He’s not a new man. I’m not interested in him long-term, but we’ve gone out many times over the past year. He’s way more into me than I am him, and I think he realizes that but we never talk about it. I see him more as a friend. I think he sees me as a potential wife.

    My posts probably really confuse you — one day crying about my ex-h, the next day pining over WH, then saying how much I love TN man, and now talking about sex and good talks with D! Lol. I think, hopefully, it all makes sense to the Sirens who have “followed” my life a little more closely over the past year. Does it, other Sirens??? Anyone? I feel curious!



  77.  #77AmberS on September 1, 2010 at 10:59 am

    Jack=Athol…that’s what I thought, too. The “…if anyone wants…15 year…” thing was pretty blatant. And I figured Jessie was a plant as well. I decided to let it go because whoever it is, he really made an a$$ of himself with this last comment.

    PS- have you done any reading on thyroid?



  78.  #78Mercedes on September 1, 2010 at 11:00 am

    Jacqueline: Yes…big difference I guess because my J was at the time and still is worth EVERYTHING to me. He’s amazing and although I wasn’t able to wait around for him to open his heart, he was able to chase me down when it did open. And now, he knows every intimate detail about me.

    A lot of the posts on my blog are about a time when he cheated and hurt me…he has read them all and knows not only how I felt at the time, but also how I feel about it now. He knows what advice I would give to a woman in that same situation and he knows how incredibly hurt I was and how anything similar would affect me in the future. He knows my past, my planned future, my hopes, my fears and my dreams. All of it. And that makes for a very, very intimate connection….and still…as I learn more about myself every day, he is there to learn right along with me. There are no secrets…nothing hidden…no cause of pain in that regard any longer.

    If there are things in your past your guy doesn’t want to know…I’m guessing he’s not feeling very emotionally connected or emotionally intimate with you. That’s a tough spot to be in as a woman. Your “I will break your heart” disclaimer was hard for me to read…it is a true block to intimacy with a man (or a woman) and it makes me sad. I hope you heal that (if it is something you want healed).

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  79.  #79AmberS on September 1, 2010 at 11:01 am

    Apple Jacks

    Oooo!!! Do we pass?



  80.  #80Daria on September 1, 2010 at 11:02 am

    Jaqueline – I feel sad reading your post. It seems like defense and protection to me, to not open up to a man… and a lot of Anger and resentment under the surface… what relationship do YOU want… what would that look like for you?

    Love
    The Wannabe Rori



  81.  #81Daria on September 1, 2010 at 11:04 am

    Lucy – haha yes it makes “sense”. I’m like look at Lucy, coming out wiht sex from left field hehe



  82.  #82AmberS on September 1, 2010 at 11:04 am

    Jacqueline-

    And I meant to tell you how freakin’ grown up and reasonable you were in your response to Jessie. And to say Thank You!



  83.  #83Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 11:05 am

    And speaking of mi vida loca . . .

    I got a response this morning from WH. I feel a lil scared but also quite happy!

    As you may recall, I sent him a long response to his previous email, and I incorporated ideas from you girls and also TN man — in a very feminine, engaging way. I was so scared waiting to see what he would say! But it was good having to wait, because it gave me a chance to feel my feelings and work through lots of trigger points.

    He wrote:

    Just wanted to get back to you about the last e-mail – was out of town and could not write –
    Basically Robin went on an anti-depressant and the doctor told her not to {drink]. I am open to the idea of getting together again – maybe we can talk about it sometime soon. The next couple weekends are out for me but sometime in September would be fun. 🙂

    …………………

    Woohoo! Yay! I feel nervous!!!!!



  84.  #84Daria on September 1, 2010 at 11:07 am

    Lucy – whoa wtf. ok yes but i dono. it feels weird to me. like i get the thought that now he thinks its cool to have a sex relationship with him having managed down your expectations or soemthing … hmm… thats what would be in the back of my mind. like youre open now , but why even tell me that bs earlier… i dono… i feel weird



  85.  #85Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 11:07 am

    Mercedes, I hear compassion and wisdom in what you wrote to Jacqueline. <3



  86.  #86Daria on September 1, 2010 at 11:09 am

    I feel pressured to write a book. That feels sad and frustrated. i feel disappointed cuz i dont KNOW how to write a book, nor do i want to write one right now. i dont want to DO anything write now ugh i just want to BE and i want atention



  87.  #87Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 11:09 am

    Lol, Daria. I know, right? 🙂



  88.  #88Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 11:11 am

    Daria, “Lucy – whoa wtf. ok yes but i dono. it feels weird to me. like i get the thought that now he thinks its cool to have a sex relationship with him having managed down your expectations or soemthing … hmm… thats what would be in the back of my mind. like youre open now , but why even tell me that bs earlier… i dono… i feel weird”

    I don’t know what you’re saying here. I feel confused. Can you help me understand your thoughts? Thanks!



  89.  #89Daria on September 1, 2010 at 11:13 am

    Lucy – lol… my thoughts were… i feel weird … and i would feel insecure that hes not really into me. me personally thats how id feel. id think that somethings a lil “off” with him and our relationship



  90.  #90Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 11:14 am

    Daria, sorry you feel pressured about writing a book. I meant to encourage you, not frustrate you. I will lay off the idea. One final word though: If you reach a point where you DO want to write a book, I would love to help you, since you said you don’t know how. (for free hehe) <3



  91.  #91Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 11:15 am

    Oh! Youre talking about WH?? I thought at first you were talking about D???



  92.  #92Daria on September 1, 2010 at 11:17 am

    AmberS and Jaqueline – I feel shaky posting this… to me it seemed you guys were judgemental of the dude… AmberS esp. me.

    I felt defensive reading your comments. there was a lot of wit and sarcasm, which however brilliant, felt like an attack…

    the man’s answer was typical man, (with some “closed man views” that have popped up often with men in the past for me)

    i dono i feel a lil smug cuz to me it just seems like women trying to harp on the guy, who’s not perfect but trying, and not hearing him really — sorry about any pain/trigger here, expressing this feels very clumsy



  93.  #93dorothea on September 1, 2010 at 11:17 am

    wow lucy, nice, you stayed in your feminine energy and you were all honest and open….and look at how he turned around. you’re magic!



  94.  #94Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 11:17 am

    #87 was in response to your “sex from left field” comment.



  95.  #95Daria on September 1, 2010 at 11:18 am

    oh yay Lucy that’s tight. yes i was talking about Wanky Hotter



  96.  #96Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 11:21 am

    Lucy,

    I am so happy for you! Daria, I think D who she had sex with is different from WH. What are you going to say to him? Are you going to tell him you were able to drink? What else!? Yeah for feeling messages! They won the day again!



  97.  #97Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 11:21 am

    Hi again!! I know it would seem to be contraintuitive that this works for me….but it does. I’m coming off a 10 YEAR toxic man, which Rori and I have spoken off….and I totally believe I’ve moved up into drama free and kind. Too often we are not honest with ourselves, I was in a state of overwhelm at the time – a house, two cars, a job….and yeah, I really meant “sex for chores – oh and make that exclusive sex,” smile. And it’s grown into something more better and different. My friends claim to have seen it grow into true affection maybe even love, but even they know better than to tie me down to that word.

    I’m as in his face radical honest here at home as I am on this blog – don’t think there’s a thing I posted I haven’t said to him. If he chooses not to hear or to ignore, I totally respect his right to do so. If he chooses to love me as I present myself, disclaimers and all….good for him, he gets to choose.

    And, ladies that’s is authentic as I can make it. Feels intimate to me….smile….

    new NEWS coming up!!!



  98.  #98Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 11:23 am

    Hey, you dissin my man with that Wanky????



  99.  #99Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 11:23 am

    Daria,

    I echo was Lucy said. I had no thots of pressuring you to write a book. Just a way of saying you have a really unique writing style that is interesting. Just a roundabout compliment.



  100.  #100Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 11:24 am

    I think Wanky Hotter is funny!



  101.  #101Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 11:24 am

    @ Daria – that’s confidential to this blog, for me. My replies and or/posts are very open to all opinions…please check it out and let me know if they don’t feel that way to you. It’s an “open” blog….and I’m not censoring it, or I would’ve cut a comment or two off of it. Felt like selling to me….

    and to Amber, and to another siren here….

    I go with my feelings, but I don’t care, he/him/them can post whatever their feelings are; I am not challenging them….check it out on blog, ‘kay?



  102.  #102Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 11:30 am

    DRUMROLL!!!! new feature on Liveyourdreamblog.com and it’s featuring our very own Lizzie!!! with a tantalizing glimpse of her life’s story – on the new page titled Derring Do for Women.

    A snippet? Here:

    “That sign represents twenty years of work keeping my old business together and profitable – and the effort to keep an empty marriage together. Yes, I had my ups and downs. Nevertheless with the final years of destruction either by my ex-husband and partner, or by my own omissions, it would take all my strength to break the sign in a few great smashes.”

    Yeah for our Lizzie!!!! Break out the champaigne…..another Siren breaks the mold, tells her story and shows us all “a” way…..to be the most authentic YOU you can be!!!

    Thank you all, and thank you LIZZIE…..

    Oh! and check @ bottom of blog for interesting trivia on Derring Do!!!

    Hearts and flowers,
    J



  103.  #103Daria on September 1, 2010 at 11:34 am

    i am the goddess trying to manifest fun social interaction when i wake up in the morning. i want to wake up to someone making me breakfast, and people laughing… but downstairs… not really loud in my ear…

    mmm



  104.  #104Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 11:35 am


  105.  #105Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 11:37 am

    I’m all that and a bag of chips!



  106.  #106Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 11:38 am

    Daria, I get what you’re saying. And the truth is, I HAVE lowered my expectations with him, based on him telling me in the other email that he was attracted to me but didn’t see a long-term future because of the drinking and shellfish. It’s sorta like what Rori says about taking No for an answer. No, he doesn’t see a long-term future, and because of that he didn’t want to keep after me because he didn’t want to end up hurting me. So, the question I asked MYSELF was, do I enjoy his company enough that I would like to spend time with him knowing he is not my happy ever after? And the answer was easily and quickly YES. Just like I can feel peace and joy and exubrance during a week’s vacation at York Beach — and it’s worth it, even though I can’t stay there forever.

    It is a little scary, because he could change his mind at any minute and/or find someone else. But….I could find someone else, too. Isn’t that the point of CDing?

    His email would probably make more sense if I posted the whole email that I had sent him first — but I feel kinda scared to do that because I might get bad reactions from Sirens, and I don’t want to feel bad about what I wrote. I felt good when I wrote it — I followed my heart and intuition — and I especially felt in tune with what TN man said to me about being in the present, not worrying about the future, and that I won’t get hurt either way. (It feels good that TN man really believes in my ability to be “strong on the inside.” D told me last night, too, that I am the strongest and softest woman he knows. That feels so encouraging.)

    Anyway, maybe I will post my own email later if I feel comfortable. It was kind of fun too — felt that way to me, anyway. And maybe it did to him as well. It obviously didn’t send him running in the other direction! (And I didn’t even offer to give him sex for chores! — shout out to Jacqueline 🙂 )



  107.  #107Daria on September 1, 2010 at 11:39 am

    I feel triggered.



  108.  #108Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 11:40 am

    Daria, by my words?



  109.  #109Mercedes on September 1, 2010 at 11:42 am

    Lucy: Thank you. It was meant that way. I appreciate you hearing it in my words.

    Jacqueline: I’m very happy things are working for you the way you want them to. I wasn’t meaning to say it wasn’t an intimate situation. I just meant he might not be *feeling* intimate with you. Most of the time when a man is feeling intimate he doesn’t pull away from the stuff he “doesn’t want to know”…he hears it anyway. But maybe your guy is different and certainly your situation is different. I was speaking in very general terms about “most” (which I probably don’t have the right to do) and was applying that experience to your situation. I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear. Meant no disrespect and did not mean to indicate in any way what you’re doing in your relationship isn’t right. I only meant to offer suggestions to what might be going on in his mind and his heart based on your question about why he’s so angry with your time spent on the blog.

    Hope that helps explain where I was coming from.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  110.  #110Daria on September 1, 2010 at 11:43 am

    Lucy – ok. i feel “this will not go well soon” premonitions. this is on me. i will maybe EFT right now to extend my premontioins.

    hey im dating dude last nite – well the nite before – who said he didnt want to marry me. i made a row about it, that well then , that felt bad, etc, i want to be wanted… came out to something like hes not thingking about marriage Now, but maybe in the future we’ll see.

    im excited to havea guy come over right now. with takeout sushi.

    whos the lucky guy. hmm??



  111.  #111Daria on September 1, 2010 at 11:44 am

    I feel triggered by Jaqueline’s attitude toward her man and about her having a blog and wanting us to post there.

    I don’t want to steal Jqueline’s shine. I feel jealous she has a popular – and probably soon money making — blog.

    and i am judging myself as being irresponsible for looking at myself in the mirror, worshipping, and learning about me all day



  112.  #112Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 11:46 am

    haha….Lucy!!! I wanted SEX – it was a win/win….just used a little male mind stuff there. One of the reasons I picked him was sex passed muster! So, the trade thing? Probably just a way to bypass I love you…..and maintain an emotional distance that he has steadily eroded…grin.

    Open to growing….here, at home and on the blog!!!!

    Check yall later –



  113.  #113Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 11:49 am

    Dorothea, thanks, this felt great to read: “wow lucy, nice, you stayed in your feminine energy and you were all honest and open….and look at how he turned around. you’re magic!” 🙂

    It feels so good that it was the tools doing their magic. And the cool thing was that HE contacted me — only about his nephew moving here — but because Daria had just written that ANY contact is an invitation to share our feelings…. this was all able to take place. Very cool!

    Daria, yes, I do feel a lil insecure, like you mentioned, but I’m going for the “no attachment to the outcome” plan.



  114.  #114Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 11:50 am

    Daria…..I kind of am impressed with the blog thing I have like 48 comments? and a couple of subscriptions, is that pretty good for a week old blog? AND a bunch of stuff lined up with really cool people, but you know, a lot of these people I have written and followed for years on line – so it didn’t just happen in a week, it became concrete in a week. smile…

    I lost all your links to youtube when laptop died…sniff….the eft and the hypno esp., can you repost?

    No pressures, no attitude – ABSOLUTE admiration for your spankin fine ass self from me!!!

    Love,
    J



  115.  #115Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 11:52 am

    “Lucy – ok. i feel “this will not go well soon” premonitions.”

    I understand, Daria. That goes along with my belief “I can’t have what I want.”



  116.  #116Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 11:54 am

    ps…that’s spankin fine high ass…if I’m quoting a movie correctly? You go, Goddess/Warrior/Queen of the Riff/Mover of time and space/Walker between Worlds/Attractor of all things Fine/ Woman /Self Loving Goddess Fabulous Voiced Daria!



  117.  #117dorothea on September 1, 2010 at 11:54 am

    Jacqueline, I want to write my life story for your blog. It is all about living your dream, and coming from nothing and finding a path to everything i want.



  118.  #118Daria on September 1, 2010 at 11:54 am

    yeah Lucy , I have that belief too, sigh.

    hey i forgot HE contacted you, I feel much more excited now



  119.  #119Daria on September 1, 2010 at 11:55 am

    YYES omg dorothea I want to read that



  120.  #120Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 11:59 am

    Yeah, Jacqueline, I hear ya. If I have sex with WH he’ll probably forget all about the drinking and shellfish and fall in love with me. I’m that good! haha!

    But maybe I won’t have sex with him. I do kinda remembering writing on here a month or so ago that I had decided to wait til marriage…..

    With D, I am tempted to blame the wine . . . but that’s a cop-out. I knew when I was taking my shower before the date that I was preparing to have sex with him . . . which is probably part of the reason I WANTED the wine. I used to be able to fool myself, keep everything unconscious, but not any more.



  121.  #121Jacqueline on September 1, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    @ Dorothea, I would so LOVE to publish your story!!! I love sanskrit/your voice, your words, well, YOU!

    @ Lucy – thanks for being open to my subjective experience of sex/love/intimacy…..and conciousness is so much more fun, huh?

    gotta jump off and run errands,

    bye for now!
    J



  122.  #122Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    “hey i forgot HE contacted you, I feel much more excited now” — yeah, it’s cool — I didn’t lean forward at all!!! Remember I kept asking you and LG last week about the first feeling msg back to him, “Are you SURE this isn’t leaning forward???” I wanted to do it “right.”



  123.  #123Daria on September 1, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    Lucy – somehow it still feels lean forward…

    i guess because i got turned off by his message some and i felt kinda insulted and angry that he wouldnt want me enough that hed actually not ask me out !

    and i havent communicated that to him , vicariously or energetically or whatever

    but i am now!



  124.  #124Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    This new guy on pof — we’ve emailed very sporadically for about two weeks — last night he just sent, “Hi. How are things?”

    I wrote back: joyful sad scary hopeful 🙂

    His response: …yes, you got the full spectrum going there. it’s good to be alive. …i would like to talk on the phone and then perhaps meet sometime…

    Hehehee. Men like feeling messages. 🙂



  125.  #125Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    Lucy,

    I like your visiting the beach analogy. I think people in ANY type of relationship are too quick to cut it off. I see people and friendship as infinitely precious and valuable. I don’t cut off people lightly. I have found that most people do, and that disturbs me.



  126.  #126Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    My Like List:

    Leaning Forward
    Leaning Back
    Bags of Chips
    Friends
    Dogs
    Mustard
    Quotes
    Bible
    Magnets
    Lists



  127.  #127Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 12:21 pm

    “Lucy – somehow it still feels lean forward…i guess because i got turned off by his message some and i felt kinda insulted and angry that he wouldnt want me enough that hed actually not ask me out ! and i havent communicated that to him , vicariously or energetically or whatever but i am now!”

    Whaaaaaat???? You are gonna send him angry insulted vibes??? Huh? I don’t understand!

    And how can it be Lean Forward based on his response?



  128.  #128dorothea on September 1, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    i am feeling confused by the blog today. i’m not sure what’s goin on. I feel like Towely.



  129.  #129Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    Thanks, Brenda. When I got involved with TN man last year, my daughter was worried about me getting hurt again same as two years prior. But I told her I was gonna look at it like being at Disney World — it’s exciting and fun and you have the time of your life — but eventually it will end and you’ll have to go home and feel disappointed that it’s over, and maybe even depressed — but somehow you move on and everything is okay again.

    TN man was my Disney World.
    WH is my beach vacation.
    Who will be my happy ever after?
    Stay tuned to find out!



  130.  #130Lucy on September 1, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    Dorothea, I feel confused here today too.



  131.  #131Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    Lucy! LOL! I like the way you worded that!

    Dorothy, Will you define what it feels like to feel towely? Hmmm?!



  132.  #132dorothea on September 1, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    Towely is a character on South Park. He is a drug abusing towel. He says “I am so high, I don’t even know what’s goin on right now.” I’m not high, but I don’t even know what’s goin on right now.



  133.  #133Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    Dorothea,

    Don’t worry, we won’t tell. You are allowed to be hi on YOUR job! 🙂



  134.  #134AmberS on September 1, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    Daria- re#92

    Thanks for posting how you felt. I felt differently. I felt very aware and conscious of giving him room for his man-view and also very solid and happy in my views.

    I wanted to learn from him, and I have learned tons from men (C Carter & Evan’s eletters recently). I was very curious about his faithfulness belief and I wondered if maybe we had the same belief, but expressed it in different words. It turns out we don’t have the same belief and I’m okay with him living his. I respect him for his faithfulness, and I don’t need to follow his path. I feel happy and solid on my bridge. I felt sad that he answered me as if I had attacked. But when he said he’d had issues with infidelity I felt understanding. I wanted him to respond like the men I respect and trust, but he responded to my question by being defensive. I felt disappointment and lost respect for him as a leader/coach/expert then.

    I loved having the opportunity to use my “tomboy” voice in a thinking/feeling forum. And I STRUGGLED with this before posting because his approach is very ‘take charge’ and I don’t feel good around men who have that vibe UNLESS it is accompanied by a healthy dose of acceptance. I was interested mainly because he was talking about “getting to wife” and I wonder about how important that “wife” status is, if you are not happy and healthy. If WIFE is your goal, then advice on getting there is perfect.

    I like that you’re telling me you felt like it was attacking too. I was so very careful and I dialed myself way back past zero, and yet my intention didn’t come through. So I can work on this more and find a better way to express myself!



  135.  #135dorothea on September 1, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    it’s true that i am allowed, but have you ever tried to talk to your boss while stoned? it’s generally unpleasant. i save my high times for my free time, unless i am feeling quite ill and the medicinal properties of marijuana can help me function better that day.



  136.  #136AmberS on September 1, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    I wonder how Athol would have responded to feeling messages. I feel ICK even considering using feeling messages with him. I feel unsafe with him. I feel like I want to close all my doors and lock them. I feel sad that he is an expert. I feel unheard and not respected. I wonder if I worded my comments to get a reaction so I could see this clearly instead of just feeling it.

    Is this me creating a bad thing because I felt it was there to begin with? No. My inner voice says no. My inner voice says “you did good Amber”. My inner voice says “Good Job”.

    But what if my inner voice is the part of me that wants to EXPOSE FRAUD and TEAR DOWN THE IDOLS and LAUGH AT AUTHORITY

    And so it is always finding a job to do? NO. That inner voice doesn’t whisper.

    Ahh.

    Hear. A whisper. She says “He is like M”. She says “I keep you safe”.

    I trust her. She doesn’t whisper these things to me about all men.

    She says “He may not be a bad man, but he is a bad man for you. He is a combustible chemical and you are a fuse” “He would not react to other substances like this”.

    Thank you beautiful wisdom. Thank you for telling me all of this. Thank you for caring for me. Thank you for helping me understand what is under my “blink” moment.

    I trust you.



  137.  #137Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    Dorothea,

    I understand. I was actually joking around, but I guess in your world you seriously can get hi!



  138.  #138Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    Mother, may I?



  139.  #139AmberS on September 1, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    Funny- now here comes my father voice.

    He says “There are men like that all over the world” and then he is silent for so long that I wonder where he went.

    Then he says

    (without paying any attention to the fact that I’m off doing something else and not thinking about this anymore)

    “You know, you can learn to speak to them in a non-challenging way”.

    And I feel irritated and angry and interrupted and resistant and I say “I don’t want to. I don’t like them.”

    and he says “It’s your choice, but you’re going to have to deal with them sometime” and he goes back to reading the paper.

    Damn him.



  140.  #140Daria on September 1, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    I miss my ganja smokin man sooo much. he knew just how to balance his day. i want to go kick it around him and get more good vibes and get in tune with how to be on good energy all day.

    i feel in awe of him.

    i am totally sprung.

    i want him to come here i dont even want him to leave!



  141.  #141Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    Daria,

    You mean 19?

    How does it feel to be totally sprung?



  142.  #142Daria on September 1, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    I am hi. I am using it to practice my EFT. I am doing a Grrreat job.

    I found using an Erika technique that I saw her using at her HBR free bak in the day 7 day course…

    to think of the first time I ever felt “that” feeling if i’ve felt it before…

    and then tap on the Old memory first to try and find and clear a belief or just tap the charge out of that feeling

    then its worked pretty well for my real life issue! and at the least i wound up feeling bubbly and happy

    .

    another thing i am using is this youtube video to tap away resistance.

    i also find using his ending : rolling eyes from up to down while repeating my phrase and tapping the gamut point (in between root of pinky and ring finger on the thumb… really DOES seem to clear the last bits and remnants (sud 2 or 3 ) out of my system!

    which was a problem i was having before.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BNgfagvl7M

    so yeah im enjoying my EFT these past couple of days.

    Right now i did it on smoking , and tabacco, and how me and tabacoo were having an “energy block”. and now i just smoke and feel a lot less irritated in my throat etc.



  143.  #143Daria on September 1, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    Brenda – it feels boring.



  144.  #144Daria on September 1, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    Amber S – whoa I feel like I AM your fathers voice… or I have that voice too… hmm…

    that voice sounds Right to me, it sounds like the truth, but I wouldnt want to deal with them if I felt pressured.

    ugh but i want to pressure you to do that too!

    yes

    thats what i was trying to get u to do?

    why?

    cuz i think i do it and i tihnk it feels fun and kinda powerful to be able to

    and like supposedly hopefuly opens up my vibe

    you know

    way cool dude

    thanks for sharing!

    this is letting me hear my voice too

    hmmm wow

    cool



  145.  #145Daria on September 1, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    Im trying to get you to do that cuz i think its Right, and I think you’ll be happy you did it. I’m trying to tell you what to do cuz “thats what we do here in Rori world, and I think im the Rori expert” . And I feel very mistrustful of myself right now.



  146.  #146Daria on September 1, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    cuz non blame is even more powerful

    its like whoa

    i am “being of power”

    bzzzz que white blazing aura



  147.  #147Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    I feel pretty sure now that Bill is backing away for some unknown reason. 🙁 He barely talked to me Monday, and he didn’t talk to me at all Tue and Wed, except work-related stuff. 🙁 I feel sad. I have no idea why, other than the silliness and faux pas that I am working as fast as I can to correct. But none of that is totally messed up. It’s not like I texted him 100X a day like I did Ryan.

    I want to cry. 🙁



  148.  #148Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    I thought he had already left. I feel happy and relieved that Bill just stopped by my desk to say good night! Nothing earth-shattering, but everything feels okay again.

    Breathe deep sigh of relief! 🙂



  149.  #149Daria on September 1, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    I want to be that person that believes shes lucky.

    I think that would bring me a lot of happiness.

    i meditate on being lucky now

    i watch the luck grow in my life

    poof i feel it

    i feel it grow

    oooh

    the luck grows

    the luck is growing

    i can feel it

    im growing luck like grass

    out my pores

    imgrassy like a chia woman



  150.  #150Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    Life is not a having and a resting,
    but a growing and a becoming!



  151.  #151Amy F on September 1, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    I’ve learned something new.

    I have an insight to share.

    When Man1 or any of the men I’m CDing withdraw (they all do for whatever reason – who knows why??, who cares??), I’ve tried to understand why do I feel that anxious feeling? What is this about? Among other things, I love to dress up and be with him, I love to be noticed, I love the attention I get from Man1 and how feminine I feel when we are together, when we talk, how I feel loved when I get his attention. I started to wonder if instead of getting these things from Man1, could I get these things from myself, or other people? Could I feel that pit in my stomach and move through it? So, as an experiment, I put on a dress that I look good in (a bit short!), went to a board meeting and felt like a million dollars. I flirted with the Starbucks barista as Rori advises. It worked! Feeling great did not involve him at all.
    I’ve learned when I start to feel that pit of loneliness, or anxious fear because he has not called, nor texted, or whatever (!), I stop, ask myself why I’m feeling it and try to feel good in some other way that does not involve him. I soon forget about him because I’m busy making myself feel good. A big surprise is that Man1 just comes running. The “I miss you” and “I love you” come pouring out. Yet, I find I don’t need to hear these statements from him as much as I used to. I’m not glued to my phone waiting for a text. Some of the obsessive thoughts and actions have disappeared.

    I’m so amazed by this. It’s a constant dialogue with myself – it’s not like I figured it out and I’m done. I am going to keep working on it. It’s funny, managing myself and expressing my emotions is so much work, I do not have time to overfunction with him or anyone!

    Thank you Rori and Sirens for your support.



  152.  #152Apple Jacks on September 1, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    Hmmmm I have not read all of the posts, but I sure would like a dance partner for ten minutes before I head to bed and wake up again in three hours! 🙂

    It is the last ten days of Ramadan and it is EXHAUSTING, but totally satisfying. 🙂

    Tina…..I wanna dance….



  153.  #153Brenda on September 1, 2010 at 9:58 pm

    Apple Jacks!

    I wish I could be your dance partner…maybe text dance as I drift off to sleep! I’m going to beddy bye!

    Wow you must be tired! How’s Mom?



  154.  #154Apple Jacks on September 1, 2010 at 10:00 pm

    I feel anxious and excited! I THINK I finally have money to pay for my application fees for school…but I gotta check and see about another potential bill *ugh*

    I cannot WAIT to get to New York! I will be studying, doing all kinds of fun things and meeting LOTS of gorgeous men…and…find a literary agent! *Claps hands and jumps up and down* I wanted to be a writer for so long! I wrote a poem today again! YAY. Slowly will I unblock myself toward the treasure chest of my dreams and use my powers to care for the world. I always wanted to be a super hero hehe. 🙂

    Time for bed.



  155.  #155Mai on September 2, 2010 at 8:02 am

    rori

    i think you are sensational! wow! you have helped me understand some aspects of human relationships.

    my family is very dysfunctional. im living with my parents now since leaving my place. i am being triggered on a constant basis. this time its because of my relationship with my parents.

    my parents have always been very judgemental and as a child they were sometimes violent and verbally abusive. of course they have always provided food, shelter, entertainment and holidays. but in between that , things have been raw.

    i find myself judging them too and telling them how i feel about everything.

    until i found a place of my own i’m kinda stuck living here with my parents.

    i feel angry that i cannot sit down with my parents and have a normal conversation.

    i feel sad because i feel like my parents do not understand who i am.

    i feel sad because it feels like my parents and i will never have a loving relationship.

    i feel sad because my parents feel like i do not understand how they feel.

    my mum feels like im trying to hurt her when i try to tell her how i feel. but that feels to me like she is trying to manipulate me into feeling guilt.

    I would love to hear from you gals that have had similar experiences with their parents and any advice would be appreciate !
    🙂



  156.  #156Mai on September 2, 2010 at 8:02 am

    sorry, i know this was about happiness and love!



  157.  #157Rori Raye on September 2, 2010 at 9:20 am

    Mai – after a very tough period in my life, long ago, I moved in with my parents for a short period until I could figure out what to do (I ended up moving to New York for awhile)…and experienced just what you are. It’s like being demoted to ‘child” again, and experiencing everything all over again. Triggers, triggers, triggers. This is the perfect time to observe yourself, catch yourself, catch the triggering, and process through it. Practice Feeling Messages, not trying to seek approval, not judging. This will all help you tremendously with men. And I wish for you to be back on your feet and independent when you’re ready for that again. Love, Rori



  158.  #158Brenda on September 2, 2010 at 9:45 am

    Mai,

    I could have written almost the same post you did about your parents! Sounds like your Mom is fragile like mine and just can’t handle any form of criticism.

    Just to echo Rori, that’s why feeling messages are so valuable. You state how you feel and it’s not blaming or making her wrong. Try stuff like this:

    Oh, that feels bad. I don’t like being talked to like that. What do you think?

    I feel awful. I don’t want to be treated like that. What do you think?

    I feel angry. I don’t like to be manipulated. What do you think?



  159.  #159AmberS on September 2, 2010 at 10:39 am

    Happy Friday Sirens!

    This long distance dedication is going out to the ever lovely Jacqueline

    This one’s for you sistah

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExmU2sQpbyg

    Joe Purdy’s Green Eyes starts at about 1:14- this was the best version I could find



  160.  #160Daria on September 2, 2010 at 10:59 am

    Mai – i can relate. Babysteps have been working for me, at first every feeling message was seen as an attack, or reason to attack…

    now im actually gettng some thru “unnoticed” but heard.

    also my parents are starting to spontaneously use them!



  161.  #161Brenda on September 2, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    Daria,

    That’s awesome! I am feeling gradual success using them with my Mom and two brothers, too.



  162.  #162Jacqueline on September 2, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    Waaay cool, Amber!!! I posted how great you are on another page….again….lol!

    and Ms. Daria – can you repost the links for eft and hypnosis puhleeze…you see my laptop died….sniff….

    And hello, Brenda Darling….thanks for your email, and whasup with Bill??



  163.  #163Daria on September 2, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    Jaquleine – I feel lazy.. I know you can look for them on the past couple of threads, I use Edit -> Find -> Daria



  164.  #164Daria on September 2, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    I feel so curious … saayint that felt weird and is like a babystep for me…

    hmm



  165.  #165Daria on September 2, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    I am such a bitch for not doing it. I treat my mom like this too. ?Is that bad? I am a brat bitch? ugh. but dont i get to say no? im confused.

    how do i say no>?



  166.  #166Jacqueline on September 2, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    I don’t know how to do that Daria – like in the search box???? It would be really cool to be able to do that for all sorts of things….can you teach me a new skill??? grin….if you wanna….
    J



  167.  #167Daria on September 2, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    mm…
    Jaqueline I’m assuming youre on a computer not iphone

    I just go thru the posts, one by one, like, guessing it must be in yesterdays, or the day before’s etc…

    and then click so the comments come up

    then once im on the website with the comments i want to search

    I go to the Menu Toolbar up top of the browser. And click Edit (right there next to file).

    then in edit click on Find

    then in find type in Daria… it should highlight all “Daria” in the page, and then hit next, or previous, to skip from Daria to Daria and scan thru which one is the one with a link.



  168.  #168AmberS on September 2, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    Google allows you to specify that your search results must come from a given website. For example, the query:

    tools site:havetherelationshipyouwant.com

    will return pages about tools but only from havetherelationshipyouwant.com.



  169.  #169Daria on September 2, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    oh wow Amber thats Awesome Info. Thank you . I feel excited. I’ve been looking for some stuff for years.



  170.  #170Daria on September 2, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    I found what i looked for!



  171.  #171Jacqueline on September 2, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    Thank you Tutors!!!

    Amber, I totally remember that – but it was a tv show? I do not remember it being that cool….and I see one with fields of gold – would that be Sting?….wow, gotta go work out so off for now….unless I get tooo off into the world of youtube. Sooo beautiful, I’m like gonna watch it when I want to go into my emotions deep….

    xoxo,
    J



  172.  #172Jacqueline on September 2, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    @ Amber….I am crying…..been awhile….thank you for the gift – the fields of barley….omgod, missing HOME, my family, and my ex…..

    Love,
    J



  173.  #173Brenda on September 3, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    I fell asleep while I was outside with my dogs. I was too tired to go swimming. I feel disappointed that I didn’t go. But at least I didn’t get cheesecake like I almost wanted to.



  174.  #174Tina on September 3, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    I’m “doing” the bump on the the Love Train 🙂



  175.  #175Apple Jacks on September 4, 2010 at 11:22 am

    Tina, your bump on the love train sounds like a dance move lol.

    Last night I discovered something about myself. I was talking to a friend and I just spoke on the most feeling level ever. I usually tend to speak with my friends on surface level feelings like world issues, men and sex, or just listening to their issues. Getting to the core of my feelings on a raw level is not something I’m really accustomed to. If I try to talk about my heart, it seems as though I’m always given advice or told what to do or what not to do to get my issue resolved and my personality never fit with that. My outlook has always been about experiencing the journey rather than looking at the end destination. So all advice and such just kinda goes over my head.

    I noticed in my adulthood ( during my late 20s) my friendships were based on discussing their problems a lot. Six years ago when I was in cali I had a friend who was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship and she seemed to always call me after getting beaten, or have me come over at the drop of a hat to help subside the situation in her home, and just look to me to have the answers to make the situation stop. Fast forward to now I still get calls from her when there is a problem. Plus she has a child now, so the problems took a different turn. I feel bad because I have tried calling her and talking to her several times about stuff with me, good or bad, and she would always politely cut me short or just not seem interested. Some how the topic of conversation would always lead back to her.

    Although I have not spoken to her in several months, I found myself suddenly feeling those exact same feelings in a different and recent situation with someone else. I voiced them yesterday with one of my friends. I voiced by saying out loud that I felt unheard, uncared for and like how my feelings during a particular situation didn’t matter enough to give immediate attention to when I needed it. I felt unvalidated, and like I’ve been kicked in the stomach. It was as if the kick said, “just shut up. You don’t deserve to to delve into your feelings. Who are you anyway? What’s your entitlement?”

    I ended up discovering that I was feeling needy! All my life I avoided being needy. My martyr complex showed up and realized I was looking to someone else to feel validated! Oooops…I felt a little bit embarrassed and judgemental of myself in that moment, and even do so now thinking about it, but I also feel liberated and loved that this was discovered. Yay! I feel like I’m out of the dark now and I love my neediness and martyr complex and I love my judgement and embarrassment.

    Something else, after the conversation…I felt so guilty! The conversation totally revolved around my internal drama of neediness, and I’m not used to that full attention. My friend, I feel has the most gentle demeanor, the sweetest voice and I felt full love and compassion from her that it triggered the feelings of guilt on my end. I felt like I was just taking from her and I should have given something in return. I felt like I sucked up all the time for my own self-indulgence. That made me feel bad.

    Awww I love my bad and guilty feelings. I love my self-indulgence. I feel compassion for myself and I’m giving myself a loving hug right now. Yaaaaayyyyyy I feel good again! *Claps hands* 🙂



  176.  #176Daria on September 4, 2010 at 11:34 am

    Apple Jacks – I feel amused and happy hehe!

    I would feel unworthy of being seen that way – compassionate and GEntle! and full of love…and is now hearing my NVs come up with comments of Who me?? compassionate?
    wtf

    i love my unworthyness, i love my fear…

    mmm



  177.  #177Daria on September 4, 2010 at 11:43 am

    I made “burdock drink” for the first time yesterday out of big bag of dried burdock root i’ve had.

    It’s good! Wow ! Yay!

    I also steamed vegetables for the first time yesterday!

    Delicious!!!

    ohhh! and fried beef tallow (cow fat from a totally grass fed cow i got from a pasture farm)

    yum! eggs fried in beef tallow were great and ?I even ate the fat by itself! delish!

    me so happy

    with that

    getting my vegetables in and clean meat



  178.  #178Jacqueline on September 4, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    @ Applejacks – you know I fall into that trap with my friend who is married and more “settled” I mean she’s always got the same issues with the son, the husband, etc. My issues however change like every 20 minutes. LOL…so we usually talk about me, and she’s indicated how much she loves to live my life vicariously through me, so it’s kind of okay, although I feel guilty sometimes, too.

    It really needs to be a give and take 50/50 or so…but it’s not always 50/50 – sometimes it’s 90/10 or something, depends on the friendship, huh?

    And, yeah, it sucks to feel needy – I felt the same way “begging” for comments on my blog – like if I asked people here who I’ve been communicating with for months to go comment, I’d be an overstepping looser. Well, the tools are for ALL situations – somewhere Rori posts about that, family, etc. and I did it and lovely you….did me that favor.

    Scot talks about paying it forward, giving with no expectation of return…..and I want to be there/get there, but sometimes, when I’ve tried to follow every story, remember every one here…and I write and it’s just like huh? not gonna even notice she wrote, it feels shunned, shut out, socially inept, like I’m censored if I don’t Stepford in agreement, etc.

    Now I can mimic Daria and riff to the sound of my own voice but that’s not what I’m here for. So I just keep showing up and seeing what the conversation is like, for me.

    And I’ve met some really cool friends from here – 3 that totally could be my best friend if they lived nearby….and I’ve learned and grown….

    and I have been given gifts – you, Amber above….

    So that alone makes the laying bare and judging my neediness worth it. I am a Voice worth someone else’s time and attention, and I expect that when I give that to others, they reciprocate.

    Thanks for being open to sharing that for yourself and your experience, and opening a way for me to think and talk about it, too!!

    Love,
    J



  179.  #179Apple Jacks on September 4, 2010 at 2:58 pm

    Daria – you are VERY compassionate and it really comes through! I love your negative voices, and thank you for helping me to love mine.

    Jacqueline – I feel moved and unworthy being considered a gift but thank you so much! I sincerely feel the same way about the people I met here including you and I am not just saying that to reciprocate. And thank you for your wonderful post!

    I do have good friends, each and every one of them. I don’t always see eye to with them sometimes, but the heart is what counts and my friends have the best hearts. If you can make precious jewels out of a heart than my friends combined is a treasure chest and this goes for those friends I have known for years as well as those who I have never meant yet face to face on this blog. YAY it feels so good to be cheerful and optimistic again! 🙂



  180.  #180Apple Jacks on September 4, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    Oh J,

    I enjoy your blog and it was my pleasure to write some comments. I’m sorry I didn’t write much hehe. I tend to get writer’s block in posting comments for some reason. I was telling Daria yesterday that I get this blocked energy feeling whenever I try to riff too. Something I will work with because it happens also I try to be creative like with poetry writing and stories…I’m going off on a tanget I see. I feel silly. I love my silliness.

    Anyway J, your post resonated with me. I am still processing so I may reply more to it later. 🙂



  181.  #181Apple Jacks on September 4, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    I feel like taking sentences from a beautiful poem, stringing them together onto my pen and lassoing a tree branch so I can swing from it.



  182.  #182Apple Jacks on September 4, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    I feel like swinging from tree branch to tree branch just like I did when I was a girl in the school playground with the monkey bars exceot this time, I’d be swinging on the sentences of all my favorite poems and poets!

    *Zooop* Rimbaud…
    *Zooop* Patti Smith…
    *Zooop* Rumi…
    *Zooop* Daddy!!!! 🙂



  183.  #183Jacqueline on September 4, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    Hi, Daria! @ AJ.. oooh, would love to see some of your poetry here??? I’m sure you’ve written about lost love or longing or something?!!!

    Thanks, and hugs,
    J



  184.  #184Violet on September 4, 2010 at 9:16 pm

    Rori, Dear Rori,
    You are REALLY on a roll! Smokin’ hot, every post for a while now. Thank you! Thanks so very much.
    Love,
    Vi



  185.  #185Apple Jacks on September 4, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    Hi Jacqueline,

    I have one poem I can post right now. It’s about hunger. It’s not perfect…still needs polishing. I’m working on a couple other ones. I promise as soon as I finish them I’ll post them. In the meantime, please if anyone has any suggestions, I am totally open to it. Here it is:

    I made stew today!

    I took a fresh set of phrases

    Chopped them into fine letters

    Seasoned whole sentences with spicy punctuations

    And mixed them all up in a savory sauce of clean, emotional imagery

    It cooked, bubbled, and simmered in the pot

    Transmogifying into a tasty feast of symphonically melodious package of poetry!

    The fridge is empty and cupboards bare

    My stomach cries

    “It’s no blossom’s care,” I tell it

    And thank the Glory Above for the medicine we could get

    For a soul stock piled with nutrients and a cosmically thought filled brain

    Serviced to feed, I know how to keep myself alive.

    See the laborers fighting traffic in the morning?

    Laborers with flashy cars, penciled skirts and silk ties

    Those laborers barricaded in large brick homes, and shiny golden finger bands

    Tummy gets crancky, I stir the pen faster…

    I used to be a laborer in silk and pretty jewels

    I remember being owned by sparkle and shine in a dark room

    The one down below where roughage is made

    And small chips pieced together to make bigger blocks.

    Roofed yet unsheltered

    Clothed yet uncovered

    Fed yet unsustained

    I smell potatoes yet

    For my labor days I do not cry

    I prefer to craft a night song

    And sing to the morning clouds

    I can prepare wonderful stews

    And have a poetry banquet every evening

    Stew is almost finished

    I tap my drained, sad tummy

    Smile, I tell it, and prepare to feast

    For tomorrow

    Is a whole new menu



  186.  #186Daria on September 4, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    Jaqueline i feel bad reading your post. i feel blamed and isinuated against and i feel wary. and i feel triggered highly. i feel – well at first i felt nothing a vague blankness with a light awareness of feeling not close.. and then now as i write i feel rifted away]]\\\

    i feel angry that you’re not here to riff like Daria

    i feel defensive of choosing to ignore anyones posts at any time

    i feel angry being asked to post on someone else’s blog – i feel mistrustful.

    i’ve never been asked to comment on a blog and i feel turned off being asked … i don’t like it, i feel obligated, uncomfortable

    i feel very mistrustful

    i love my mistrust and

    i love my defensiveness
    i feel really attacked

    and ok i feel totally angry



  187.  #187Jacqueline on September 5, 2010 at 10:49 am

    Daria….I didn’t ask you to post but when I very first set up? but to any question there is always the answer no. I didn’t get burned when you said no to the youtube links….but I am not here to riff, I love your riffing, tho. I apologize for your response? not sure how to apologize for my genuine feelings tho….

    and the blog here is cliquish….or something…sometimes feels so loving and warm, sometimes feels like if you don’t say or do the right thing you’re going to get eggs thrown at you, or WORSE – ignored! that’s an ouch for all of us, I think…well for me and AJ and a couple of others that wrote me.

    Anyway, my iterview made me so happy, I realized I just love to write! and to interview, so I’ll promote however I can to keep doing it because I love the feeling of lucid translating….or that’s what I”m calling it.

    I hope we can be friends with you being angry? I feel I have worked hard to be friends with most everyone here, but esp. with you.

    Thanks!
    J



  188.  #188Jacqueline on September 5, 2010 at 10:51 am

    Applejacks…..that is SO COOL!!! cymbals clanging, cacaphonies jarring….yet somehow it takes these ordinary phrases and makes them into something spiritual – a spiritual soup, if you will. And I’d love a cup….we should all show of our talents on here more, I’m thinking! Loving the contrast and comparrison of poetry vs riffing and both versus just conversing like I do….

    verry cool!! and I admire your skills!

    J



  189.  #189Jacqueline on September 5, 2010 at 10:58 am

    AJ

    i read the lines
    and sometimes think it’s fine,
    cuz the daylight’s nice
    for the folks that like the light.

    i prefer the night
    the moonshine’s clearer then
    and i can feel the wind

    makes me closer to
    the heavens above and you!

    love love love the penciled skirts – they are so very uncomfortable! and the jeweled cage imagery…

    To Daria…

    i write to know
    you hear me clear
    and if you won’t
    i feel fear

    still I’m strong
    and wan’t to know
    your thoughts yourself
    and yet! i want to belong

    myself.



  190.  #190Daria on September 6, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    Jaqueline – I guess i feel angry that you say you are not here to riff. I feel angry that you would come here not to work on yourself and

    I am judging you are trying to suck inspiration instead of providing us with it by working on yourself –

    probably my own trigger

    I have many times been triggered by people who come here not to work on themselves or share their process – which is what helps me grow.

    I feel mistrustful and angry of that.



  191.  #191Daria on September 6, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    i feel so sad to see someone miss the beauty of what touched me. it’s like im not being seen reflected in the shine. look its me, here in the glassy pond.

    ohh what a pretty rock ‘they’ might say. i guess i’ll put it back. it’s not for me. it’s fake.

    well im not fake. and i really really believe people need these tools.

    Esp you jaqueline, with the masculine energy that comes across from you , especially when describing your relationship

    i feel so angry – and that’s probably about me –

    i feel furious feeling unheard.



  192.  #192Lucy on September 6, 2010 at 12:06 pm

    Daria, I feel curious and kinda scared asking this, but do you see me as “working on myself” and “sharing my process” here… or not?

    My style is way different than yours, but my intent is definitely to work on myself, share my process, AND help others when I can.

    I feel curious how it comes across to you.

    I feel worried that you will feel put-on-the-spot by my question — and I won’t feel bad if you would rather not answer.



  193.  #193Jacqueline on September 6, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    Hi, Daria – I am here to dialogue about some new methodology that I am drawn to and see how it works for the people here. I wrote Rori specifically and asked if I should exit, or shut up – and she said no, it is good for us to be triggered, that if everyone agreed we would never grow. Since then I have been working on slowly within the confines of what is acceptable here, expressing my truths. I am here to share, but I won’t change who I am or what I believe to do that. Now I can come and just ask questions, read today’s stories, etc., but I feel I’ve done that in reading almost the entire archive of previous posts by RR.

    I have some issues asking for help, btw – with men, too. And when I do – like the youtube links – it is always because it is something I cannot do myself. They were saved in my favorites on a dead computer, so I could NOT access them, and you told me how to do it so I shut up.

    Your process is to riff, I respect that and sometimes enjoy it. My process is to dialogue, and when people aske me for specific what is your advice, I try to move it to my email. Have done since the day I first posted when someone was asking me about clearing rituals and stuff.

    I have not presented myself as an expert here, nor have I really revealed a “CV” of myself….I have borrowed a page from the Erika playbook and gone to where the boys are and dared to self promote a little.

    I have a question for you – and just like with Brenda, I find I totally don’t want to ask it because I FEAR the reply….but authentically, to continue to know you deeply I HAVE to….

    I have noticed since my first post here that you’re go to reaction is anger, it echoes and follows you around, you don’t like any confines, any requests or any direct communication and/or input on your riffing. So, I don’t, but my question to you is why does everything make you angry? Why does the board make you angry? Why does Brenda posting I love puppies or whatever it was make you angry? Why are you so prickly when you appear to want to be so loving?

    You don’t have to answer any of those, btw….but it is how – through “my” filters, I hear you and what I wonder….

    thanks for listening, and I do appreciate being here.

    Best,
    J



  194.  #194Jacqueline on September 6, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    oh, and I have a request? let’s confine our discussion here to this page, I don’t want to get all over the board with it, it’s irrelevant to the topic and I do feel sad/bad for Brenda, etc. so want to leave that be.

    J



  195.  #195Lucy on September 6, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    Hi Jacqueline, I am going to follow your lead and tell you what I have noticed about your posts (as you did with Daria).

    1. “the blog here is cliquish” — I don’t feel it or perceive it that way, so if I were you feeling that way, I would want to look at myself and ask why I have that trigger — what in you needs to heal around that?

    2. “or WORSE – ignored!” — Why do you tell yourself that story — “I am being ignored”? There are so many alternate explanations for what you perceive as you being “ignored” — if it were me, I would want to heal that place inside that feels ignored, that tells myself that story.

    3. “I expect that when I give that to others, they reciprocate.” — If it were me, I would want to investigate that agenda/expectation/ need, again, in order to heal it. Although we do need to maintain a personal balance with giving and receiving, love itself is not a tit-for-tat entity. Your expectation here seems to confine love to a rigid, controlled formula.

    I would love to see you use the reflections that are being given to you on this blog — from Daria and others — to heal and grow and become your best you.

    (Btw, many of us “go where the boys are” — it’s easy to find all that stuff on the web — and many of us also have some really wise male friends — so that’s not really a unique angle on this blog. It felt kinda weird reading that.)

    <3
    Lucy



  196.  #196Daria on September 6, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    ♫♫♫

    We are the cult of FEELINGS ♪ JAqueline

    We are that into Feelings ♪ Jaqueline

    We are the feelings of the Goddess Jaqueline♪

    The men woship the Goddess of feelings Jaqueline♪

    We are temple sisters. we offer our feelings we live in our feelings. *&&*&&*&&*&&*

    our heartlight burns bright in the night and the hot air around us shimmers … ****~****&****~****

    we love you and your feelings wonderful sister Jaqueline &**&**(&)** &**&

    you seek the Feelings of the Goddess within you?

    ***`\&/`***

    will you tell us a story for the Goddess of your feelings Jaqueline?

    ~*~*~@ \/\/



  197.  #197Jacqueline on September 6, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    Hey Lucy, thanks for the how to look inside myself, it felt a little inauthentic? to me, but I will take the advice. Go where the boys are is something I specifically got from Erika – who stands out because she literally goes to the PUA things. I have to say I have received several emails from others who also felt the clique and/or ignored thing, but that’s ALL I’m going to say on it. I have a confidentiality clause in my emails, and it applies to me in reverse, too.

    I usually test my ideas and feelings against what others have said – that growing up in an alcoholic what’s really real thing.

    Re: the giving – if you check I say my issue is not asking for what I need, so yeah, it’s a big deal to me to even appear to ask. lol….but I totally give from my heart – it’s a soft one. Brenda certainly did not ask me to worry about her for half an hour last nite! and I don’t expect anything in return. Only if I ask do I expect a response, etc. Like when I had to actually ask you to explain some things – I said @ Lucy….and asked the question. If you had not answered I think it would have been ignoring, do you have an alternative to that?

    and again, if this is gonna be about me, I’m asking if we can keep it on the other Happiness and Love page.

    Thank you, Lucy! and if you wanna talk about what I see in your stuff, let me know, too….

    best,
    J



  198.  #198Daria on September 6, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    :Lucy – you are totally working on yourself (now). lol. hehe. but really you are totally working on yourself now. like 110 %. shoot you are helping ME!



  199.  #199Jacqueline on September 6, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    Wow, Daria….that is so cool, I know you said you felt pressured about a book, but you write like a modern day eecummings….LOVE it!!!! and thanks!

    I have books of goddesses, ever seen Susan Boulet’s The Goddess Paintings or the Shaman ones? Noah’s Earth Angel pix – google fine art, Noah, OMGOSH…

    anyway, I’ve got to go exercise to keep my curves and will save feelings for when I can watch my most beautiful ever video of the Ghost and Ms. Muier that Amber sent – it totally takes me down that rabbit hole…..

    xoxox,
    J



  200.  #200Daria on September 6, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    my guess is it felt inauthentic cuz Lucy forgot to say she felt mad – hehe – Lucy you felt mad right?

    I know you might say no, but thats what i got from it… cuz it was kinda driven… and its ok to feel mad… i am convinced you felt mad if at least on a tiny teeny level.

    btw what lucy suggested, tho she didnt’ say she felt mad and it was nonetheless pickapubale – was real and solid what she would do and i would do that too. thanks lucy.

    I THINK – feeling excited. that its possible for me (or Lucy – jus getting this new insight fast right now) to tell someone I feel mad… and still tell them what i would do in their situation… and be well received even tho i felt mad and said so omg exciting i feel like im lifting!

    yayy thanks guys for helping me become bigger and stronger

    so i can have more love and compassion to share with you and with the world…

    !!!



  201.  #201Lucy on September 6, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    “I have to say I have received several emails from others who also felt the clique and/or ignored thing,”

    I feel unsurprised by that — they are common triggers so it makes sense that other people would have the same feeling/trigger — and I hope that the others can find healing around it too! 🙂 (authentic smile, cuz I really DO want to see everyone healed and whole!)



  202.  #202Lucy on September 6, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    “I usually test my ideas and feelings against what others have said” — I feel concerned about that — it is very susceptible to “confirmation bias” — and can easily serve to keep us stuck. 🙁



  203.  #203Lucy on September 6, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    “If you had not answered I think it would have been ignoring, do you have an alternative to that?”

    YES! We are all very busy, cannot respond to every question everywhere, sometimes are tired, sometimes don’t see a post or two — AND many of us have reached a point where we don’t take it personally because we don’t tell ourselves the “I’m being ignored” story — and so we give ourselves grace for not being able or ready to engage every person who wants to engage us.



  204.  #204Daria on September 6, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    ouch Jaqueline… save my feelings feels so sad… i feel in pain thinking of stuffing down feelings.. ugh.. i feel so sad with this disconnected feeling

    i love my feelings of disconnect and sadneess



  205.  #205Lucy on September 6, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Daria — “Lucy – you are totally working on yourself (now). lol. hehe. but really you are totally working on yourself now. like 110 %. shoot you are helping ME!”

    Haha, thanks! Feels good to hear!! 🙂



  206.  #206Lucy on September 6, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    “my guess is it felt inauthentic cuz Lucy forgot to say she felt mad – hehe – Lucy you felt mad right?”

    LOL!

    Let me check……

    Yeah, I guess I did feel kinda mad, but mostly annoyed. It got me in my “Hermione Granger” trigger. That’s a trigger for me cuz it reminds me of a past part of myself that didn’t serve me (or the world) very well.

    I feel scared saying that!



  207.  #207Jacqueline on September 6, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    Lucy you answered every question but the do you want to know what I see in your posts??? and yeah, it was the “mad” that was missing – I think Daria, that THAT is actually what I am here for. How to be MAD and still be able to communicate!

    I think Rori’s work is based on conflict resolution….and I would love to use move of that work!

    and the what other’s thing? I went to college and studied theology and philosophy to be able to answer for myself, just pointing out that it is a valid take on the situation, and since I said it and was overrun, maybe if several people say it it will/would seem more valid? It was and is my feeling nonetheless, disregarding other voices. Just wondered how it would play out here.

    So, if a person is posting and I’m involving myself in the story and the story never end, I just pick up in the middle? cuz when I’ve done that, I’ve been told in a somewhat scolding manner if I’d of READ the previous I would certainly understand given the context?

    I am getting mad, and it’s not where I wanna be so stopping now…oooh, and I got drawn into the what others said that I said I would not comment on. Wow, need to honor my commitment to myself on that!

    J



  208.  #208Lucy on September 6, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    I also felt protective of you, Daria, which I know you don’t need my protection because you do a GREAT job of taking care of yourself!!! But I felt protective anyway, and maybe that’s part of why it felt “driven.”



  209.  #209Lucy on September 6, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    “I think Daria, that THAT is actually what I am here for. How to be MAD and still be able to communicate!”

    I feel so excited!!! This feels like a GREAT insight for you, Jacqueline!!



  210.  #210Lucy on September 6, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    Jacqueline, I feel confused about this paragraph. I don’t understand what you are saying. I would like to understand.

    “and the what other’s thing? I went to college and studied theology and philosophy to be able to answer for myself, just pointing out that it is a valid take on the situation, and since I said it and was overrun, maybe if several people say it it will/would seem more valid? It was and is my feeling nonetheless, disregarding other voices. Just wondered how it would play out here.”



  211.  #211Lucy on September 6, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    “I’ve been told in a somewhat scolding manner…”

    Again, I would ask myself “why am I hearing scolding here?” I would want to heal that.

    To me, it is not scolding at all, just helpful and informative when someone says that.



  212.  #212Daria on September 6, 2010 at 2:00 pm

    yay people. hurrah hurrah.. i stretched so much yesterday im sore now. ive had a bbq at my house for 2 days… now its quiet. thinkin of invitin some other people over… no one really got in touch with me cuz i had my phone off

    people were trying to…

    what do i want to do?

    i want to rest

    or rest my back or stretch some more for it to feel good…



  213.  #213Lucy on September 6, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    “Lucy you answered every question but the do you want to know what I see in your posts???”

    Jacqueline, you did not ask me that question. (I feel annoyed!!! and yeah, kinda pissed.)

    What you said was, “Thank you, Lucy! and if you wanna talk about what I see in your stuff, let me know, too….”

    It feels weird and I feel angry being told I didn’t answer a question when in truth I was not ASKED a question.

    I feel disappointed and sad.



  214.  #214Jacqueline on September 6, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    Lucy….you’re right; it wasn’t a question because I don’t really want to answer it here.

    I will say that you are often asking “others” opinions here and literally quoting emails from men and it makes me a little wary and horrified if they only knew. Then you say you’re concerned I need others opinions. And you told me yesterday to read the posts…..so I feel like in an arguement with you I would never have a leg to stand on, because I don’t hear a consistent point of view?

    Just like, “we know what’s out there” for PUA and stuff? I didn’t! Who is “we?”

    And you answer in absentee for Brenda and Daria? That feels off to me, too.

    You are a driving force here, and I want you to be a role model of inclusiveness and acceptance, yet you can be whatever you choose, it’s all good to me; I honor my commitment to myself to let you all be yourselves!

    You scolded me yesterday telling me to read -what I got was prior – to posting and of course the comments in the context would be correct. They weren’t for me.

    I’m not here to argue so I’m not going to…and I’m not going to make this about me.

    I love how Daria opened it up and turned it around, I hope we can have a comfortable difference of opinion Lucy and anyone else, and I really am not going to keep delving into my psyche on the blog; it is not in line with my message or my presence.

    I will say that I am grateful to Rori, to some really really good friends I’ve made here and to each and every voice I hear.

    Thanks,
    Jacqueline



  215.  #215Daria on September 6, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    Jaqueline – I feel really mad and sad reading your post. I feel really misunderstood and I feel like the purpose of the blog is being dissed.

    i feel dissed – for diving into my psyche – which is what Rori’s programs are about

    i feel really angry about people coming on here and keeping it superficial = that feels awful.



  216.  #216Daria on September 6, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    truthfully, unless you’re here to work on you and share with us, then i would prefer posters go away.

    and tahts the truth.

    i feel so triggered.

    i know that a lot of people “land” here and feel lost and it may take them awhile to “get” what this is about

    ugh

    i feel sad..

    i don’t want Those people to go away

    But – I do NOT want to feel put down and unseen.

    I feel so angry and limp.



  217.  #217Jacqueline on September 6, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    Sigh, Daria, I just cannot be what you want me to be, I am not superficial I am just not here to confront everyone, and I am here for my own reasons for being here – they don’t have to matter to anyone at all! I only even put my energy into asking you those questions because I cared enough to. That’s the best I can offer – caring about you, and listening to you. Peace out…..

    J



  218.  #218Daria on September 6, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    Jaqueline – I feel really angry and i don’t feel trustful.

    I feel attacked. about, Daria I just cannot be what you want me to be.

    ew. i feel FURIOUS AND UNHEARD

    i don’t want my words twisted around.



  219.  #219dorothea on September 6, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    “I have noticed since my first post here that you’re go to reaction is anger, it echoes and follows you around, you don’t like any confines, any requests or any direct communication and/or input on your riffing. So, I don’t, but my question to you is why does everything make you angry? Why does the board make you angry? Why does Brenda posting I love puppies or whatever it was make you angry? Why are you so prickly when you appear to want to be so loving?”

    i happen to feel very angry reading this. making character generalizations in response to daria’s specific call-out is a weaksauce bullsh*t move.

    hey, i know you are but what am i!? LOLZ.



  220.  #220Daria on September 6, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    Hey – I never saw this post

    “why does everything make you angry? Why does the board make you angry? Why does Brenda posting I love puppies or whatever it was make you angry? Why are you so prickly when you appear to want to be so loving?””

    but I FEEL JUICED TO ANSWER IT!

    It’s becasue that’s part of what we’re doing here! Rori originally encouraged me, and everyone else, along with series of blog posts, about anger and how it can help us. To express our anger to the fullest. most of us have issues with expressing anger.

    so this is a safe place to express it fully ,process it, practice STOP when i go to judgement, and instead write (sometimes writing in judgements and rewriting ) in feeling messages my anger expression

    so taht in real life i will have these tools when i feel angry and i might feel overcome by the intensity.

    Also, because we often feel angry and its triggered by past stuff, little everyday angers we stuff . so i am practicing noticing my feelings, and not stuffing or dismissing the “little angers” like when brenda said she liked teddybears, that i felt. because i am practicing being VERY BRAVE and HONEST about how i feel about little things… so I can naturally communicate my feelings in the moment… and not stuff little feelings with a man that then grow to Big outta control icky feelings… when instead i initially felt weird about, say, his comment — and didn’t express it, then i’m not in intimacy … and i might do it again… and slowly that lil “what i don’t tell him and tolerate” will build to resentment – ick.



  221.  #221Jacqueline on September 6, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    Dorothea – wasn’t it you posting the list of feeling the other day? I think maybe what you are hearing is not what I meant. I feel the anger, but what about fear, sadness, timidity, turmoil, enraged, scared, vulnerable, etc. That’s what I meant.

    I feel steadfast in being myself and in ending this conversation with no one ANGRY at me. So, what needs to happen? conflict resolution – that was my attempt above, did not work. What would work?

    I have no idea, my only solution right now is to just leave it be with the anger. And that makes me feel argumentative, which will only keeps this going.

    I am going to choose to listen and not be angry, and to maintain my personal value’s in being here. And I’m open to changing how I communicate that, if there is a specific way it can be done that makes anyone less angry.

    J



  222.  #222Daria on September 6, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    oh and because loving and expressing out deepest darkest parts that we are afraid of expressing is what makes us bigger and more loving overall… so it’s what i do – express my emotions i feel most afraid of .. in order to be more whole and therefore be more me and more loving/loved compassionate

    its a core part of all of rori’s teachings



  223.  #223Jacqueline on September 6, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    omgosh! Daria, we’ve been having an entire conversation about something we never discussed??? ‘kay, I get your answer, and I like it and understand it, but what if I don’t want to use that tool right now? is that okay?



  224.  #224Daria on September 6, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    the last sentence i said with sarcasm. i feel so angry!

    i feel guilty. i feel intrigued. i love my anger, guilt and intrigue.



  225.  #225dorothea on September 6, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    I just didn’t get the impression you were listening at all. I got the impression you were holding up a mirror and saying i know you are but what am i? I feel strongly that Daria has a really good point. This blog has a specific purpose. It would feel really cool to have you on board with that. However, if self-promotion is acceptable here, I am planning some big stuff over the next month and will use the blog to recruit women to participate in the media frenzy I am brewing up.



  226.  #226dorothea on September 6, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    oh by the way that wasn’t me producing the list of feelins. i was out of town pissin in the woods haha.



  227.  #227Daria on September 6, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    Jaqueline – I feel unheard and pushed on, I feel attacked … especially with the “is that okay?” .

    That feels bad and weird.. i feel untrusting about that question and attacked by it.



  228.  #228Jacqueline on September 6, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    Okay….I hear you but I don’t know how to reply. I’ve got to go on a semi date with my guy; I ALWAYS hear you – you too, Dorothea! and I want to explore other emotions, too. Anger is easy for me – and it usually covers fear….but I will not speak for you Daria. I am sorry I can’t manage to exit more gracefully and thanks for helping me to explore/think/feel more!



  229.  #229Daria on September 6, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    Jaqueline – I feel compassion hearing that you don’t know how to respond.

    Feeling messages would feel great! Show me how you feel, what’s your process… but mostly what your feminine voice … not the logical, wants to do good by others , or how can we solve it … but what you feel, what you’re experiencing, how Rori’s tools or other tools are helping you and what THAT feels like…



  230.  #230Daria on September 6, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    Jaquline –

    Try filling in: I feel ___ with one word ___



  231.  #231dorothea on September 6, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    oh jacqueline, i would love it if you explored your feelings more. that’s what we’re here to do. riffing is very important. daria is a master riffer, but most of us are too paralyzed at the thought of really identifying our feelings head on.

    have fun on your semi-date. i believe there is no such thing as a semi-date. cuz that would make you a semi-goddess. haha.



  232.  #232dorothea on September 6, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    haha me and daria said a lot of the same things.



  233.  #233Jacqueline on September 6, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    honestly, I feel like I love you for being who you are. I feel love here and I like it when that is what I feel… Thank you for making me feel loved!

    xo,
    J



  234.  #234Lucy on September 6, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    Okay, I just got home from a long drive and sat down to read my emails.

    I agree with Daria — I don’t want my words twisted around either. I feel angry and exasperated when my words are twisted around. I feel discouraged about meaningful communication taking place when words are twisted around.

    I feel discouraged when people don’t actually hear what I’m saying, but hear something else instead.

    I also don’t want people to say I “scolded” them when I did not. I wonder what it is inside a person that causes her to FEEL “scolded” when a person is not scolding her.

    I feel very weird reading, “You are a driving force here, and I want you to be a role model ….” I feel like Miley Cyrus. Lol.

    I also feel weird reading, “…. it is not in line with my message or my presence.” I feel confused!

    I feel happy and excited that Daria and Dorothea are encouraging the use of feeling messages.

    I feel happy that Jacqueline left for her date feeling loved by Daria and Dorothea.

    I feel love and compassion for all the Sirens on this blog. <3



  235.  #235Daria on September 6, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    my belief change efforts are sticking. im starting to have mega results . i feel like the best kinda witch.

    use the EFT resistance to change video on youtube

    and teh wendi friesen im lucky 2 min twitter thingy

    for the prep:

    and Ask And Receive and EFT and Wendi Friesen for when you’re stuck 4 min hypnosis for the actual belief changes



  236.  #236Lucy on September 6, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    Daria, I kinda remember you saying something about some guys thinking you are slutty because of circular dating . . .? Or something like that?? (Please forgive me if I’ve got that wrong!!) Well…. for the first time, that has happened to me with a guy on pof! And it feels AWFUL!!!



  237.  #237Jacqueline on September 6, 2010 at 10:11 pm

    thanks for checking in Lucy – I felt sad because I felt scolded, how about that? and I don’t want to wonder what’s inside of me at the moment, thanks for bringing it up, but I’m just not – I am out in the world at present, and I’m liking it, and I need to do it….

    if it’s a real trigger, it’ll pop right back up! smile..
    and you’re right, there’s too much here to keep up with lots of times. Glad you were glad that I was glad….omgosh, see feeling messages are kind of …….circular? grin…that’s a spoof, okay?!

    Nite, all,

    J



  238.  #238Daria on September 7, 2010 at 12:26 am

    Wtf – i feel so like angry the story im telling myself is that someone would come and make fun of the tools of the person who created them. i feel super triggered. i feel both annoyed and rageful.

    i feel furious thinking of this

    i choose to believe that Jaqueline is suddenly gonna get hit by the Rori Cupid arrow and Get what we;re so screaming at her about

    and I feel terrible having people take digs at rori’s tools , or what i’m studying and very much support and stand behind.

    that doesn’t feel good and i feel mad about that.



  239.  #239Daria on September 7, 2010 at 12:28 am

    i feel very much like controlling someone else. hurrgh. i love myself and my don’t give a ff

    F*cuk ur couch attitude. guess htis is a mirror for me… hi mirror!

    yay that feels GOOD



  240.  #240Daria on September 7, 2010 at 12:29 am

    Jaqueline – feeling messages aren’t circular when they’re the real deep down feelings…

    then what happens is like a sudden clearing, and everyone Feels really good for an instant, and connected…

    sometimes people open up in that instant, men feel safe… its actually magically cutting thru to the CORE of the matter… what we’re feeling! and we want to feel good!



  241.  #241Nikita on September 7, 2010 at 12:36 am

    I’m Rick James b*tch!



  242.  #242Nikita on September 7, 2010 at 12:37 am

    F*ck your couch!

    Nite



  243.  #243Daria on September 7, 2010 at 12:37 am

    I had 3 men one after the other at my house. hehe it felt fun! i got to enjoy feeling sexy! and listening at level 2. I LOVE IT!

    I LOVED catching myself not doing it or interrupting him , or answering questions that felt bad… like… what do you think about if i should wear this shirt.. what about this pants.

    i dont want to make the final decision on your outfit, but that looks cute.. bye

    or… ** what do you think is the best way for me to schedule my time tomorrow ** ~ something to the effect of that.

    WHA???how do i know that?

    then i realized i had been ‘chatting’ and overfunctioning cuz i felt Anxious, rising energy around my head.

    I REALLY fele energy now. before i didnt feel energy, just tried to. but now i can really really feel it… like… pretty damn clearly

    so yeah, that meant he got feminine and starting asking me questions about planning his errands.

    so i just made an icky face and went back to doing something at the computer… and he laughed and said something and i felt good again…

    hecka practice!!

    I feel really sexy thinking of myself as Oshun, the goddess. and I feel creative thinking of myself as Yemaya.

    I love how good I am at listening at level 2 now. I give myself hugs for that. an nv says im not and i just think i am, an di hug that nv too! yay.! im lucky, so since im a naturally lucky person it is just hapens to be true for me. that i AM good at it.

    i felt good with men today. i feel a LOT less triggered with men on a daily interaction level. i feel very much a goddess, much of the time.



  244.  #244Daria on September 7, 2010 at 12:42 am

    I feel uncomfortable reading ” I had 3 men at the house today, one after the other”

    it feels bad. i am judging it as sounding slutty

    it makes an easy in for crude jokes, for being ridiculed, which feels bad

    i feel bad. i feel weird. i feel kinda numb. i feel kinda guilty. ifeel kinda weird. i feel kinda numb.

    i love my numbness
    i love my middleschool pattern ness.

    thank you.

    i allow this to heal for me.

    and because im lucky, it will.



  245.  #245Daria on September 7, 2010 at 12:54 am

    oops ! I just leaned forward on the phone in the slightest way… and now i feel all turned off by Him. this is a guy it really ahppens with, cuz i easily fall in a pattern of acting liek his mom UGH

    and he likes it

    igh

    hes a total mama’s boy and i don’t mind that i feel frustrated by my faling into that pattern



  246.  #246Melb(a) Lynne on September 7, 2010 at 2:57 am

    Hi Melissa,
    I just noticed Rori’s post re the ‘polygamy’ of your situation… I have empathy for that as was involved with a person that promoted ‘polygamy’ (as the better way of being.. let’s not get into all their ‘stuff’ suffice to say.. most pple are not keen on it)….
    HOWEVER, & i have to capitalise… the polygamy that was explained to me… and also backed up by if you google it on internet… is DIFFERENT to someone casually screwing some other people (sori for that)..
    POLYGAMY is supposed to be Open… People are All Supposed to BE COOL with the situation where your partner is screwing someone else ie No Deceit, That is Supposed to Be the Beauty of It…… plus some form of ‘freedom’ & ‘giving the person what they really want, ie freedom in a relationship & not being “controlled””……. hmmmmmmmmm……
    For Example the actress… name escaped me for moment, whose husband ‘at home with kid/s’ whilst she’s at Award Ceremony with Toy Boy (she’s about 50 plus,… Tilda Swinson??? that’s it…)…
    umm no iti’s not polygamy if no-one else knows what’s going on…
    It would appear you have found your self in situation where your partner, not wanting to ‘fess up’ or tell his other ‘apparently loving’ partner, what is actually going on in his life…….?? (& who he ‘likes best’..??)
    Anyway… I’m not sure how to proceed here.. as obviously you’re in a very close relationship with your partner… BUT, from my (painful) experience… it’s not going to ‘feel ok’ for you, until you’re sure of his commitment to you, & only you??
    Is that how you’re feeling………??



  247.  #247Melb(a) Lynne on September 7, 2010 at 3:13 am

    & PS Melissa, it would be my experience (& i’m old!! well old enough…haha!!!)… that the guy is truely only going to ‘appreciate something that he doesn’t have’.. (ie YOU, if you choose to remove yourself from competing)……………
    Trying to compete with this other lady would just put you in a position of powerlessness…. & Bad Feelings Very Often……. IMO…………..
    How can He Yearn for Something that He’s Already Got…?? ie YOU?????
    Being out of the competition ie CDing (RR’s programs) and actually, again, moving on, (as best you can) from him & experiencing other men who appreciate you & who treat you at ‘the best’ could show you that there are some men out there who do Believe You Are The Best…
    Once YOU BELIEVE you are the Best… there’s no need to compete …. & the right one… (hopefully in this case, the man who’s ‘lost his way’ at present)… will see the Truth for what it is………
    I’ve never found Competing for a Guy… ever Works, in the long run….. only leaves Bad Feelings (4 us) …
    And this blog is About … Creating & Keeping Good Feelings About Ourselves………. xoxo
    Please take care….
    I feel I can relate to the difficulty/pain you’re facing…i don’t know that…. but i’ve been in a similar situation & want to help……. (& i should probably take my own advice, more often…. lol!!!)……….



  248.  #248BarbinOz on September 7, 2010 at 3:45 am

    I do not FEEL comfortable on this blog tonight, I feel all kinds of cliques and bitchiness going on and I don’t like it one little bit……….I came here for understanding and advise and learning from others viewpoints and all I HEAR is nastiness and point scoring and people who hog the whole threads and don’t let the quieter people have a say, not all of us want to take over the world, why can’t we just BE………..



  249.  #249BarbinOz on September 7, 2010 at 3:48 am

    Do I sound like The Beatles? Let It Be? Well they are from my city and that is how I FEEL tonight, let us quieter people just BE!!



  250.  #250Mai on September 7, 2010 at 4:05 am

    Rori

    I know in your ebook you advised to stop questioning why your man behaved the way he did or why he said the things he said.

    However since last night i have been feeling numb and very confused when my husband explained that he is vey critical of me because he wants me to work harder for his affections and that he is afraid of me running away with another man.

    i feel so angry now. i didn’t know how to respond to that and i lashed out and said, ‘F**k off.’ he then responded by saying, ‘i believe everyone will do what’s best for them.’ To which i said, ‘are you saying you are not best for me.’ To which he responded, ‘i can’t answer that question.’

    Now i keep replaying this conversation in my head. But i know i have to force it out and occupy myself with my day.

    So the next time he is critical of the way i look or the way i do things, how should i respond? How would a sexy, feminine soft on the outside but strong on the inside siren respond?



  251.  #251Melb(a) Lynne on September 7, 2010 at 6:28 am

    Hi BarbinOz
    I think Jacqueline mentioned cliques… I think Lucy said she didn’t think/feel there’s any cliques here…
    Maybe everyone just feelin how they Feel…
    Lucy doesn’t notice/ feel any cliques…
    Jacqueline feels some cliqueishness (ie she’s on the outside of it???)
    BarbinOz feels same… (on outer of clique…)??
    Everyone just airing how they feeling…
    Which gliches with some people & resonates with others…. ???
    How would I know..?.. i’m just (right) downunder… haha !! rofl!!! (even lower than Sydney :-))….
    Lynne



  252.  #252tinque on September 7, 2010 at 6:58 am

    Mai – “So the next time he is critical of the way i look or the way i do things”

    Next time he criticizes you about anything, you say to him, “That hurt,” or “That feels really bad, and I don’t want to feel this way.”
    Stand there for a moment, and then turn away and leave. Go do something else that makes YOU feel better, good even.
    xxoo



  253.  #253AmberS on September 7, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    skipping stones

    is like

    when I say

    clique

    and it hits Lucy on the head (oops Lucy! Sorry)

    and then flies back

    into the air and ouch! that

    time it was BarbinOz (who I feel such a connection to)

    and the funny thing is

    I was trying

    to make magic

    out of water

    and rocks



  254.  #254AmberS on September 7, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    And Now, To Daria-Dad,

    because she said before on some post, that she felt like my father voice was right

    I am saying

    My mother voice was right, too

    And she says

    be wise as serpents and gentle as doves

    And I feel pissed, yes. PISSED, PISSED, PISSED

    like

    how DARE you tell me what I said or did was somehow wrong!?!?

    because the person, who claimed rights to the title expert, showed his own true colors in response to my asking a question,

    so

    what if the message was

    bullsh!t

    and I asked a question

    and didn’t confront, be aggressive or otherwise get all manly

    and yet

    the response was him attacking

    but even tho

    he attacked

    your filter said

    ooo- she was being ‘clever’?

    yes

    I am clever

    And wise

    And gentle

    And

    I love my clever, soft, feminine intelligence

    and

    I love that my asking a question

    was all it took for a truth to shine

    and I love that my mother voice says

    thank you

    and not what I hear/read from girly voices:

    I am better because I don’t trigger men to expose their bullsh!t. I am feminine and speak in a girl voice.

    which is, I AM SURE

    NOT what you were saying (Daria)

    BUT

    When I see/read that I feel angry and a little superior. Because I don’t feel there is anything in Rori’s tools that keep us from engaging men in such a circumstance in a meaningful exchange. I don’t want to date him, or interact with him in a relationship. And

    I feel unappreciated for my gift

    of gentle truth seeking

    because I am proud that I didn’t just bomb him back to the stone age

    Like my warrior princess wanted to do when she found the inconsistencies and half truths in him.

    I am proud that I looked for some way to share common ground with him. And to stay so completely me and feminine. And for some way to respect him as a man, even tho I lost all respect in him as a leader (FOR ME).

    I am pissed off that ANYONE would try to make me responsible for someone else’s behavior.

    My trigger? Oh YES. MINE.

    So. Dad.

    We can talk, yes. And I am open to learning. BUT. Not at the expense of my higher purpose

    Which is to find truth.

    And to be whole.



  255.  #255Daria on September 7, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    Amber – when I read that question.. i felt triggered…

    it reminded me of what Rori says at the end of the book about women asking “the innocent question.”

    like… ohhh… how COME you did that?? very sweetly.

    and how it feels disturbing. because its clearly inauthentic, even tho the woman is being sweet, its actual intent is not!

    and sometimes we do this out of habit – i’ve noticed my mom doing it

    and don’t realize that it’s covering our feelings of Mistrust and Fear, Anger



  256.  #256AmberS on September 7, 2010 at 4:55 pm

    or maybe it’s just that you saw the untruth there too- and you knew it?

    I am not telling you that you are wrong. I am asking that you look again.

    Because I just spent DAYS going over all of this, and learning.

    And

    In a relationship

    I would have used a feeling message

    and been in a different place

    but

    not in that forum. I don’t want or need to help someone lie to me or others.

    and I don’t need him to be wrong

    but I don’t have to pretend, either



  257.  #257AmberS on September 7, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    so.

    I’m feeling… sad. I’m feeling scared . I’m feeling like I may not have the vocabulary to communicate my understanding

    I love my swollen tongue. I love my feelings of inadequacy. Hello swollen tongue! I will hold you safe here in the roof of my mouth. We can laugh together at all of the words in my head.

    Hello scar on the inside of my lip! Hello teeth when I smile!

    I will have the patience with you to let the words tumble into new places. I am happy. HEY! I can’t say HEY! without smiling.



  258.  #258AmberS on September 7, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    I’m feeling connected. To Daria.

    Kewl.

    Yes, Daria. Thank you for sharing this about your experience and your mom. Yes.

    Thank you.

    And yes. HEY! Smile.



  259.  #259AmberS on September 7, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    Mistrust and Fear, Anger

    Yes. I feel these when someone is claiming to be something and I can see un-truth and

    Danger.

    And I have my own life experience here where these are warnings. Where men with certain aspects REQUIRE that I do things THEIR WAY. And will either change me or kill me. And if they can’t they will shave away my life until I am so small that I can’t resist. They will call me names or belittle me or insult me or put me in harms way. They will FIGHT with me because they can not let go of even one little bit of whatever-it-is-they-are.

    And I don’t have to be with those men anymore. And I don’t need them to change who they are. But I don’t need to believe them either.

    So. I am still very happy with me. And my being me and asking questions.

    Thank you for hearing me and for sharing with me. I feel overflowing happy.

    And very in my body.



  260.  #260AmberS on September 7, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    One more

    Daria.

    I hear you. Don’t. Ask.

    OK. I feel bad now that I asked you to look again.

    Whatever! I just realized I don’t care anymore! It doesn’t matter if you don’t look again. This is my journey. So thanks for your part and

    Hope your night is good!

    I FEEL LIGHT AND HAPPY AND GRIN!!!!

    Crickets are calling me outside. Time to WALK!



  261.  #261Jacqueline on September 7, 2010 at 6:54 pm

    Amber – totally spent days missing you!!! did you see how much I loved the youtube??

    waving hello!

    J



  262.  #262Jacqueline on September 7, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    I think that I came here looking for a tool…..to use to talk, not to hear. And what I hear is that I was wrong, that only my feeling self is valid – yet I spent years learning to get outside my emotions and into rationality. I’ve never not known what I feel and I want to learn how to talk without talking about my feelings. That seems to make me wrong to be here in this place, but Rori said no, don’t go.

    So then I think, well a tools a tool….and I can use the waterfall, the lean back, maybe the walk away, definitely the melt and be the cat.

    But I don’t want to have to talk in a way that is not me. If I am androgenous, I don’t care. I don’t feel the need to be more feminine. I simply want to talk.

    I want to hear. I want to hear a consistent voice with a consistent message. I want to hear true life stories. And I really want to hear Rori talk. I want to hear that I am okay with everyone, because I’ve tried hard to be.

    But I’m not okay because I’m not going to change what my goals are to fit a vise grip funnel of what people want me to say. It’s not safe to say what I want to say unless I say it a certain way.

    I connect deeply with many here; some I share “prickly” energy with….and some just wish I would shut up.

    I honor my right to be, I honor my right to speak, I honor my right to participate, and I honor my ability to filter, to judge, to apply principals and truth and tests of validity and to seek results from the people who have spent time here.

    I seek inspiration, I seek success stories, I seek people who use this voice in the world and have a result or a response to share; I seek people who use these tools and reshape them to their means and have a result to share; I seek people who have wisdom to impart in any voice. I seek a greater truth that is not a seperate voice, but an integrated one. I seek peace and I seek love, and I seek to be a presence of peace and love.

    I am me, the seeker. Now you know who I am and you can talk to me, talk at me or feel what you feel. I’m going to help those that ask me to, and be a rock on the ground, silent, or a pea in the bed of a princess. I seek freedom to be.



  263.  #263Jacqueline on September 7, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    I spoke and the wind whispered
    I cried and the wind howled outside
    I raged and the wind became a hurricane.
    The wind felt nothing while I
    felt everything.

    My voice is my power.

    I weeped and the rain came
    I sang and the river ran
    I flew and the sound met the sea
    The sea felt nothing while I
    became everything,.

    My voice is my power.

    I spoke and the air stilled
    I howled and the wolf listened
    I dreamed and I felt everything.

    My voice is my power.



  264.  #264AmberS on September 7, 2010 at 9:04 pm

    Jacqueline-

    262 & 263

    INCREDIBLE

    I’m glad you’re a woman. If you weren’t I’d be in love with you. I’m just sayin’. LOL.

    Seriously though- sometimes I feel like I see in you so many of the parts of me that I love & celebrate, and when I hear something in your words that makes me feel anything not positive I want to reach out and give you a hug, except I know a hug wouldn’t be the right thing. Probably I’d try to tell you a joke or something to try and make you laugh at the same time as you cry.

    I feel so positive when I come here and read you just being you. I love your you-ness. I feel it as very ‘on purpose’ as in ‘living your purpose’. Cool. And I wonder if maybe one of the reasons I’m so often in agreement with you is that we’re sharing some of the same lessons. Or have shared.

    I’m practicing self discipline, so my hours here will be limited for a while. I’ll catch up with you soon. I still need to read your latest interview!



  265.  #265Jacqueline on September 7, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    Amber – girl love back atcha! the youtube thing was so into the middle of ME – it is just amazing to me that people can connect at that level over a series of airwaves and wires….it’s an awesome world, and I’m glad you’re in mine! will miss you, thank you for the gift of you and write when you can!

    xo
    me



  266.  #266Lucy on September 7, 2010 at 10:25 pm

    Speaking of dreams…. Brenda, I dreamt last night that you were a relationship coach and this was your blog. Wow.



  267.  #267Melb(a) Lynne on September 8, 2010 at 3:47 am

    Hi Amber
    I haven’t said much here…. but what you said #264 exactly resonates with me……..
    Actually I would have said/agree with it all;
    Feels strange…. but that’s how it feels… ??!!!
    I am seeking to be more self-disciplined in certain ways right now too…. (not having great success yet… but getting there bit by bit… lol!! )
    Hugs… (even though you don’t know me :-))
    Lynne



  268.  #268Brenda on September 9, 2010 at 8:58 am

    Jacqueline,

    RE: #263 – Did you write that poem??? That’s fantabulous! Do something with that!!! Wow!



  269.  #269Brenda on September 9, 2010 at 9:02 am

    Lucy,

    RE: # 266 – You said, “Speaking of dreams…. Brenda, I dreamt last night that you were a relationship coach and this was your blog. Wow.”

    Wow is right! Thank you for sharing that! I’ll tell you one thing, this sure has captured my interest as few things ever have!



  270.  #270AmberS on September 9, 2010 at 11:32 am

    Hi Melb(a) Lynne!

    I just realized that without the (a) part you are MelB. One of my favorite-est people on the planet is named Mel B. Coincidence? I think not!

    I love the feeling of synchronicity I have with sirens (like you) as we move in and out of each other’s orbits.

    Now I’m wondering what other ways you and I synch up! Thanks for saying Hello 🙂 It’s so nice to meet you!



  271.  #271Jacqueline on September 9, 2010 at 11:47 am

    test



  272.  #272Jacqueline on September 9, 2010 at 11:50 am

    awwwww…..I wrote about water wheeling and went straight to moderation! Thank you to you who emailed me!!! Felt fabulous!

    so, the water wheel is not too great for me cuz it has water and reminds me of hurricanes at my front door

    BUT a ferris wheel car of men – 3 each – that we can wave on or accept as each comes down? Priceless!

    Hi, Melb-a-Lynne- You are a shining star!!!! in my heavens!

    Renee – I was saying to you I think the best we get is at the beginning, so maybe that’s all he was there for, bummer and I hope blondie works out better!

    J



  273.  #273Jacqueline on September 9, 2010 at 11:52 am

    and the front page of Yahoo today is about engagements cancelled because of hidden debt – wow is that coincidence or something I should immediately get on my blog?!!! Darn, should have done it yesterday when it came up here!

    Synchronizing….

    J



  274.  #274Melb(a) Lynne on September 9, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    Hi Amber
    Hey back to you….. Ahhh resonance w my name… that’s good!!!
    But also, when coming onto this blog I just quickly thought of something that may indicate where I’m from (not USA)… cos I live in Melbourne, it was my attempt to indicate I’m elsewhere (!!!) Lol !!
    So my name’s not Mel…(although I like that name!!) but hey I like the connection that came up 🙂
    Speak again soon, Lynne 🙂
    PS I’m going through a sort break-up at the moment.. well a break-up 🙁 so tryin’ to be lovin myself… whilst going through , and Feeling … yuk.. all the feelings I’m not wantin’ or lovin’ at all… (!!)



  275.  #275Lucy on September 9, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    can’t load the newest thread on phone, it’s too long. daria, sorry the song made u sad. 🙁 boohoo. jacqueline, i am voting for you – you will get this, i believe you will. none of our voices “work” here in that way… we’re all the same as you (even tho we are all different)… we all trigger ppl, get triggered, help ppl, get helped, expose, are exposed… there is a place here for every voice … you will discover that i believe… but it may feel different than you expect. <3



  276.  #276Lucy on September 9, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    feels curious: daria is triggered by the word connection and amber is triggered by ppl who are triggered by the word connection. i feel untriggered by both. i feel compassion and hope for both.



  277.  #277AmberS on September 9, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    Lucy- Your “triggered” is my respecting an expressed feeling. Different perspective. Yup.



  278.  #278AmberS on September 9, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    I’m confused by your message to Jacqueline. I perhaps didn’t understand it.

    You said “you will get this” and I am reading that as you saying she needs to “get it” meaning she doesn’t “get it” now?

    I feel really unhappy. I feel defensive. I hear this as “I’m enlightened and you’re not, but I believe you can be”. Wow.

    But then I don’t feel that about you, or the rest of your message, so it must be semantics?

    I know it’s asking a lot, but if you have time and/or energy, can you help me understand what you are saying?



  279.  #279Lucy on September 9, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    amber i feel bad and am sorry that you heard “superiority” in my words to j. i don’t feel that way at all – we are all equals. i was referring to the struggles she has been expressing about finding a place here for her voice and understanding some of the processes that go on here.



  280.  #280AmberS on September 9, 2010 at 8:00 pm

    Lucy- Thank you for your patience. I didn’t want you to feel bad. I figured I heard/read it wrong because you’re a voice I hear here and even the rest of your post was obviously not like that. I don’t understand the struggle that’s going on around this and I’m hoping at some point the light will go on above my head. Right now it’s about to get turned off! Bedtime!

    Also- Thank you for the story about your dad. I used to pretend to be asleep, too. Thanks for making that connection to the now and your wants/desires. Good stuff for me to process.

    Sweet dreams Sirens!



  281.  #281Lucy on September 9, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    gnite amber. jacqueline, i am excited that u want to learn conflict resolution! i have found (i feel nervous to say) that feeling msgs have helped tremendously with conflict resolution with my ex, my kids, my mom!!! also, understanding how triggers and mirrors work has helped. yay! i get that u want to talk in your usual (conditioned) voice – but i have learned that sometimes adjusting my usual way of talking to ways my listener can hear better brings magical happy joyful results for all = conflict resolved



  282.  #282Jacqueline on September 9, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    lol….Lucy I AM using feeling messages in my life; I just don’t want to have to talk in them here.

    I want to talk about the results of them here, and having to use them seems artificial, because shouldn’t it be a given that I feel…..what I write? I dunno….

    And – I don’t want to “get it,” in the way I think you all hope I do, I want to get it in my way – ie, I want the relationship I – Capital I,me, myself and I WANT…and that’s what the title says – it doesn’t say, you have to change to get it. I will remain open and curious tho….

    wow it is easier to type here….and I misunderstood the entire context of the conversation here totally – I thought people were looking to resolve things, and like go ‘Next”……but they aren’t. That will make my being here easier for me anyway.

    g’nite 2 all 2…..



  283.  #283Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 10:31 am

    I feel kinda sad and a lil angry because I don’t want to be misunderstood so much. 🙁



  284.  #284Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Lucy – I feel pushed, shoved, beaten and almost obliterated; I felt misunderstood when you were happy for me because I’d one day “get it.” I don’t want to keep hearing I don’t get it. I do get it, I am not choosing to use that way to talk here – well I am right this minute as a concession or way to talk to you. I have asked you about emailing privately, and you said to talk here but I don’t want to.

    I feel appreciative so many people want me to get it, I feel grateful I found so many people here who are admirable and fascinating, I feel excited about life, moving forward and writing, and I feel somewhat hopeful that I can and will still be allowed to learn here.

    I feel agonized over even posting further. I feel unwanted unless I change. I feel like anything and everything I post will be misinterpreted or will trigger someone. I feel like I say the most innocuous things and then that’s what the person chooses to focus on in calling me out. Stuff I write as “fluff or filler,” or just to try and be empathtic – even that acts as a trigger to some.

    I feel stiffled, I feel unwanted, I feel a raw agony over being misunderstood myself.

    I mostly feel like going away, but that feels like it would stifle my personal growth, so that’s not an option.

    Becomming less emotionally involved is, and that’s what my current modus operandi will be.

    I want this converstation about me to be over here there and everywhere.

    Please listen to what I want and in ADVANCE if this upsets anyone in anyway just don’t read me.

    Thanks!!



  285.  #285Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    I feel dishonored, dismissed, deranged, devalued, disheartened, disempowered and disheveled.

    I feel angry, frustrated, upset, furious, wanting to make physical gestures, throw things.

    I feel thwarted in my ability to not get what I want.

    I feel furious. I feel furious. I feel furious.

    Is that good enough?

    None of it means ANYTHING, nor will it change anything for anyone here, nor will it bring about productive value for me.

    Why would I focus on what I feel every five minutes?

    I feel good focusing on growth, fulfillment, harmony, serinity and progress. And thus I shall.



  286.  #286Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    I feel forced, victimized traumatized and silenced, all by a bunch of very lovely velvet words wrapped in feelings. I feel warped, struggling, stinging, peeing, kicking shouting let me out of here.



  287.  #287Daria on September 10, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    Jaqueline – I personally feel triggered by your post because when someone doesn’t speak in feeling messages and don’t wants… or the spirit of that… (conflict resolution speech is a close second for me, alhtouth that sometimes triggers me if it has Wants, because i may feel turned off or pulled on or pressured at that point… it feels better )

    then their language is full of judgements, even hidden judgements… and those continually trigger me… and other people…

    that is part of the reason we Bare Down language in conflict resolution –

    which is one aspect of what feeling messages are.

    Yes everyone will get triggered by assumptions and arguing and judgements.

    these tend to feel bad, when they’re not in total agreement with someone else’s judgements.

    it feels better to drop them altogether.

    ***

    when I speak about how I feel, then its about me. it tends to produce less triggering and “nasty voices” in the other person.

    saying what i dont want clarifies my boudnaries…

    yet leaves it open to the person how to respcet them (or not).

    ****

    It feels confusing to hear you talk about learning conflict resolution yet so vehemently rejecting practicing feeling messages on here which Are that.

    it feels like trying to get close to someone trhowing punches constantly in 3 dimensions



  288.  #288Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    I feel judged, envied, stoned and that lovely have you quit beating you wife question? I feel like a witch who’s going to be thrown into a well, and if I can swim it proves I’m a witch, so I will only be okay if I drown. my. voice.

    I feel amused and amazed that this is what you want to hear. I feel scared that you have no idea how angry I can get. I feel scared that anger will control and inform all my decisions and actions here. I feel threatened and threatening.



  289.  #289AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    I am posting this because it just hit my inbox and I’m struck by how it might fit here. It fits here for me.

    Winner’s Circle Network with Lou Tice – 9/9/10 – “Learning Styles”

    When you are learning something new, what helps you learn more easily and what interferes with the process? Today, let’s talk about learning styles.

    There are different styles of almost everything you can do or buy, from playing a guitar to picking out a new car. But, did you know that there are also different styles of learning? Some folks are visual learners; they literally need to see relationships with their eyes before they can understand. Other people learn best when they can hear new ideas.

    Some people like to think a problem through before they try to solve it, while others feel more comfortable with a trial and error approach. Some people, like me, like to see an overview of how what they’re doing fits into the big picture before it makes sense. Others feel just fine working on one isolated area of a larger project, as long as they understand how their particular part works.

    You see, there is no one best way to learn or to teach. The best teachers adjust their styles to suit individual learners, and the best learners learn to make their needs known, or they set up circumstances that facilitate their own unique style. Remember, your child may not have the same learning style that you do, and two kids in the same family may learn equally well but by very different methods.

    For the best results, honor these differences. Find out all you can about your children’s learning styles, and avoid forcing square-peg-learners into round-hole-experiences.

    Lou Tice – The Pacific Institute



  290.  #290Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    Jacqueline, this is the kind of thing I am talking about. You said, “I feel like anything and everything I post will be misinterpreted or will trigger someone.”

    That’s exactly how I am feeling with you!!! I feel like anything and everything I post will be misinterpreted by you and trigger you!

    I don’t, for the life of me, understand why you feel “pushed, shoved, beaten and almost obliterated.” I feel utterly amazed by that, because it’s almost like I’m saying, “Hi, jacqueline” and you’re hearing, “Go to hell, jacqueline.”

    It’s like there is some massive language/communication barrier — something that scrambles the words before they reach the other person. I feel so baffled by this!

    “I have asked you about emailing privately, and you said to talk here but I don’t want to.” — This must have been someone else, not me. If you want to email me privately, that is fine. I don’t want to post my email address on here, but Brenda has it and you can get it from her if you want.

    My only concern with emailing privately is that it doesn’t allow the other Sirens to benefit from observing relationship and conflict resolution in action. There have been many amazing journeys on here where we have watched relationships transform before our very eyes — it is deeply healing to behold and be a part of.

    When I first came here, Daria wanted to fling me to the stars or something like that to “knock some sense into me” — she felt frustrated by me and I by her. But we kept trying, working through things, and sometimes it got really ugly, but now we are able to learn from each other and love and respect each other more deeply.

    (Hopefully, Daria, I am not putting words in your mouth that are not accurate. And I am not trying to single you out — there have been many similar experiences with different combinations of Sirens — it’s just that this issue with Jacqueline kinda reminds me of you and me when I first got here.)

    However, I would be very happy to email privately with you, Jacqueline, if that’s what you would like.

    I feel so bad that there is so much misunderstanding going on.

    <3
    Lucy



  291.  #291AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 12:23 pm

    Jacqueline- I’ve been waiting for a freakin’ light bulb on this. And it just turned on.

    I just realized that maybe (and this is MY DAMN LIGHTBULB, so this is going to be VERY generalized) people want these messages from you because they feel SAFE with them. They feel they get to see who you are UNDER all of your growth and accomplishments. And maybe that’s how they feel connected and maybe it’s how they learn and maybe it’s just that feelings are solid and irrefutably YOURS.

    Holy cow!

    GET ANGRY WOMAN!! Lets hear it. SO WE CAN GROW!!!!



  292.  #292Daria on September 10, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    I feel good hearing Jaqueline’s fury!

    I feel so sad and KICKED Down reading

    this judgement:

    “None of it means ANYTHING, nor will it change anything for anyone here, nor will it bring about productive value for me.

    Why would I focus on what I feel every five minutes?”

    Focusing on my feelings is the work that Rori encourages, and it has so much value.

    I feel apathetic and sad and low energy.

    I don’t feel enrgetic enough to explaine why to focus on what we feel all the time brings growth.

    It’s in all of Rori’s stuff tho –

    can we have Rori address this?

    i feel like a small sad puddle



  293.  #293AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    PS- Witches run in my family. I attribute my good parking space karma to them. I like to imagine them thinking to themselves “yeah, you can burn me if you want, but someday my great-great-great-descendant is going to get the 1st spot in every parking lot she enters, even on x-mas eve”

    I’m only HALF joking. Most of what they passed down to me isn’t quantifiable.



  294.  #294Daria on September 10, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    Amber – exactly. Rori laid it out taht as long as we speak in feeling messages, everyone can feel safe, as safe as they need to to sometimes go down to big scary feelings and traumas of abuse and other things we may work out here.

    Boy voice can easily be jugements – and it can feel awful and not safe, and disconnected yes.

    yes to your lightbulb moment
    yes to connecting underneath accoplishments.

    yes to solidly Yours or Mine. the feelings.

    yes to feeling safe

    yes to growing

    yes to Jaqueline feeling furious!!

    i love Jaquleine’s fury!



  295.  #295Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    I feel dismissive, distressed, and useless.

    I feel that this is worthless unless there is a way to take this energy and make it productive. I feel that this is giving away valuable pieces of me and depleting myself. I judge that I have given enough of what was asked of me for weeks now and I’m done, done explaining, done asking, done wanting to know, done wanting to understand, done looking for understanding. I feel finalized and unrecognized.



  296.  #296Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    “i feel like a small sad puddle”

    🙁

    Love the imagery.



  297.  #297Daria on September 10, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    Yay for Witches.!!

    will you share some magic knowledge with me Amber!

    i love magic



  298.  #298Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    I love magic and witches too. 🙂

    I feel compassion for Jacqueline. I feel all those uncomfortable feelings at times, too. It feels horrible.

    It feels good when, as I feel them fully, the feelings transform themselves and me and the people around me.



  299.  #299Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    I wish I could hug Jacqueline.



  300.  #300Mercedes on September 10, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    I have to step in here just a little for ya Jacqueline. Although I disagree with the delivery and I think everyone here has a heart in the right place…I have been there with refusing to speak the way someone else wanted me to speak. I am much, much more comfortable in my day to day life talking about what I think vs how I feel…but I also, like you it appears, have a very logical thinking mind that like to analyze a lot and speak of things outside of how I feel. I really, really like that kind of dialog…and for the most part have discovered other blogs that are better for that outlet than this one is.

    I’ve actually been known to say to someone “You are hurting and struggling right now. I get that and I don’t want to discount how you are feeling, but let’s think logically about WHY you are feeling that way.”

    Yeah…let’s think logically about why you are feeling that way. LOL That’s soooo ME! And soooo NOT what Rori teaches. She teaches the “why” doesn’t matter so much as the feeling. In my own experience for me and for my clients…we never get past the feeling (the negative ones) if we don’t touch the “why” of the root of the feeling.

    I use feeling messages…though not often. And I hear you saying the same thing. Help me if I’m wrong, but I think you might feel the same way I do and that is this:

    Yes, some of you are correct when you say there are judgements and blaming and negative words when we speak in our “masculine” voices…but I’m here to say those same judgements and blaming and negative words are also a VERY strong presense in feeling messages. The only difference is, in a feeling messages, those things are not up for discussion because they are about how somone else feels…not about you. For me…it’s the same thing. Once on this blog someone said to me (and I apologize if you know who you are and you remember saying this to me and regret it, but it is absolutely the BEST example I can think of to illistrate my point here) “I feel bitchiness coming from Mercedes”.

    I couldn’t defend myself because according to the “rules” of the blog, nobody called me a bitch. It wasn’t about me being a bitch. Nobody was attacking me. It was about someone else “feeling bitchiness”. Personally, I think feeling messages are total crap when they’re used in that context. It’s no different than saying “Mercedes, you are a bitch.” And personally, I prefer the “you are a” because it fully allows me to know where I stand with that person and it doesn’t require me to pretend that’s not the case.

    I like straight up tell it like it is language. Just my preference. I like feeling messages sometimes (but pretty much only use them on men because from my perspective, women don’t need to hear them as much as men do, but Rori never answered that question for me so…I’m not sure on the “hearing” it part).

    And I really hate feeling messages when they are used to call someone names or talk negatively about someone or to blame someone, etc. I hate them when they’re used that way because I’m pretty sure that isn’t the intent when Rori does ask us to use them and I’m almost positive they work just as well on a man as they do on me when they’re used that way. So as far as practice goes…yeah…depends on what you’re looking to practice. LOL

    Anyway…your delivery is hard to hear (much as mine was when I first started posting here and much as mine probably sounds right now) but…I get where you’re coming from. That’s really all I meant to say. I understand why you feel the way you do about using or not using feeling messages.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  301.  #301Daria on September 10, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    ok now we get down to the nitty gritty

    “I THINK that this is worthless unless there is a way to take this energy and make it productive. I THINK that this is giving away valuable pieces of me and depleting myself. (how does it feel to think that? angry? sad? )

    I judge that I have given enough of what was asked of me for weeks now and I’m done, done explaining, done asking, done wanting to know, done wanting to understand, done looking for understanding. (ouch, I daria feel furious reading this judgement)
    **
    I feel dismissive, distressed, and useless
    I feel finalized and unrecognized.

    /I feel scared reading that you feel dismissive. i love my fear of anger.

    dismissive to me is like anger and blame …

    mm.

    I feel sad you feel distressed and unrecognized!

    I love your feelings. thank you.

    **

    I want to reassure you that this is more productive than the most productive thing anyone has thought of as productive before.

    it just doesn’t look that way from the surface.

    but as far as productive, it feels amusing to me to think how much I’ve “produced” in terms of what i want, by sinking into my feelings and speakin from my feelings without judgement.

    its earth shattering life changing.

    it grows my capacity to “hold space” and be present. it grows my capacity to not attakc.

    it grows my ability to be in my body and feel good and healthy

    it grows my magic powers of healing and magic – being so in my body

    i am so much more aware…

    i am able to make so much more change

    its amazing… that’s all i can say /… amazing.

    Anyone have a good resource – rori post or e-letter? – that answers why speaking in feeling messages (even tho it looks unproductive) is so important?



  302.  #302Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    @ Amber – yes! I realized that days ago, the people who are here are in my opinion the “feeling” learners – and I’m visual, I noticed it many times when I say “I see….” and instead of getting it across that what I am seeing is what I am feeling, people are simply responding to noticing I am not saying I feel.

    @ Daria – hi! I knew – sigh – from the moment I came here that one day you and I would have this impasse….

    and sure, I wish Rori would speak to your views/my view of this board. I – as you know- have written you privately about it, and her.

    It’s her board, so I feel hopeful that if she’s not stepping in she’s okay with it all. Actually, I feel encouraged by that.

    @ Lucy – I did not want to write you to “process,” I wanted to tell you that at one point you actually cut and pasted an email that had some guy’s phone number in it, and that felt really bad to me and I hope the fact that it happened will change how you post emails/texts/ etc. in the future. Did you really want that out here? Well, it’s done now.

    @ Amber, thanks for all you are – I honor the strength of your ancestors, as I do mine!

    okay, I have to go and meet my goals for the day – I feel spent and yet I still have work to do!

    Bye for now,
    Jacqueline



  303.  #303AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Jacqueline-

    Can I please annoy the crap out of you some more?

    I like you. I’ve felt like you’re my sister since the very first time I “heard” your voice. Pretty much everything you say resonates with me. I don’t need feeling messages from you, because I ‘get’ you. Or at least I feel like I do (LOL).

    Some sirens here, not so much. And some of them strike me as REALLY ANNOYING. I have to work really hard to control my trigger finger, and when I do post or interact with them I speak in feeling messages because it helps me be clear for me and for them. And some of those b*tches just ignore me. LOL. Yup. I said B*TCHES. But the thing is- I kinda figure that since they annoy the fcuk out of me, I prolly do the same for them. They’re holding up a mirror for me to find ways I need to grow. If I’m not ready, sometimes ignoring is the best possible outcome.

    So the people who don’t feel affinity with you, or your voice or your purpose, but who continue to engage with you- I’m feeling like it’s because THEY want to learn. So they may be coming on strong and telling you what to do- but that’s because you’re their mirror.

    If you’re feeling super magnanimous and giving you could use feeling messages and see where it leads.

    Please don’t stop speaking as you, though. I would really miss you and your amazing diva voice.

    Amber



  304.  #304Daria on September 10, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    a relationship coach couple had a cool tagline

    “you’re never upset for the reason you think”

    thats how feelings work… even tho we think we’re triggered by say, Daria or Jaquline,

    its reall a trigger that has been set in a past pattern, wether childhood, a past life,

    soemtimes wer don’t consciously know the why (and much of therapy goes for why )

    and the root why can be useful, for EFT works well at this leve for example

    ,

    however its not necessary, if we simply do something different, and that is feel the feeling fully, and – since it was a trigger, that feeling had not been fully felt, and it was resurfacing in this pattern –

    the feelign will morph and the pattern will get weaker, or even dissolve completely

    technically thats another benefit

    and more and more

    thats what Rori’s programs are all about

    yum



  305.  #305Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    Hi Mercedes. I would like to explain (boy voice) something. 🙂

    “I think feeling messages are total crap when they’re used in that context.”

    “And I really hate feeling messages when they are used to call someone names or talk negatively about someone or to blame someone, etc”

    What you are describing here (and your example — bitchiness) are NOT Feeling Messages. They are judgments, etc. in disguise. NOT feeling messages. feeling messages — TRUE feeling messages — by definition cannot carry judgments, blame, etc.



  306.  #306AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    OMG- JUST FOR THE RECORD- I DIDN’T CALL MERCEDES A BITCH! I LOVE AND SUPPORT HER VOICE.

    OVER n OUT



  307.  #307Daria on September 10, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    ““I feel bitchiness coming from Mercedes”. ”

    yes, this is not a true feeling message. (to daria)

    !!!! of course!!! that would indeed be coverup for a judgement… judging the energy they sensed from Mercedes as bitchiness

    a real feeling message – in response to what i judged as bitchiness would be like

    I feel afraid of being attacked, and I feel angry and judgemental



  308.  #308Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    The other thing is, Jacqueline, I am not trying to force you to use feeling messages anyway! That is not my intent at all.

    I am not trying to force you to do ANYTHING. That’s why I feel so confused. I just don’t understand what’s going on.

    Although I do hear the anger now, finally. So I understand that you are angry.



  309.  #309Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    yall are typing as I am typing…Lucy thanks for the hug, and I want you to know I don’t want to make you feel bad, it feels bad to me that that happened and that we don’t “honor” sometimes men’s communications to us; I feel that the guys would be absof*****lutely horrified and hurt to know their texts, etc. end up here. That’s all…..

    Thank you for your message Mercedes, and I am looking for other blogs/forums/etc. but mostly I’ve got to get to Ezine and keep my commitment with them.

    And that’s why Daria there’s a time and place for processing – kind of like when you go to the therapist, you know you’ll end up crying, or to a funeral….and for me that time is not now.

    Sending peace and love to myself and to you all….

    J



  310.  #310Daria on September 10, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    Feelings are:

    Basic 4:

    Angry Fear Happiness Sadness

    a feeling message is one of those four or a variation.

    I feel angry

    i fele sad

    and about us

    on the inside

    not what we think about the energy coming from the outside,

    but how we feel when we sense that energy

    its’a vulnerable thing to express and changes the level of comuunication drasticly – in a conflict resolution way



  311.  #311Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    Um, my learning style is actually Visual. Very visual. Maybe that’s why I love Daria’s poetic imagery — I can SEE it.



  312.  #312Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    PS it wasn’t anger it was RAGE, and if it took all that to make it heard???? wow…..



  313.  #313Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    I hate BASIC 4 when there are so many, language limits us….there should be 4,000 words for love, as there is for snow to Eskimos!!



  314.  #314Daria on September 10, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    Jaqueline – this blog is primarily for therapy. all of Rori’s work is a form of therapy.

    i feel really angry about the time and place comment

    FURIOUS

    i love me and my fury



  315.  #315Mercedes on September 10, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    Lucy: I agree with you. Unfortunately, this blog is full of the kind I describe. It happens all the time here. That’s okay, because I’ve come to terms with those as much as the sirens here have come to terms with how I speak as well. It’s just that I can understand why Jacqueline feels that resistance. I feel it too because soooo many times, the “feeling messages” I describe are here.

    Trust me, when someone uses one of the messages like the example from above, a siren cannot, in fighting back say:

    “I am being attacked here. ” (in response to a “I feel bitchiness” comment for example)

    someone will say:

    “You are not being attacked. She was telling you how she FEELS. If you feel attacked it’s because that is a mirror for you and you were attacking her.”

    (that’s an actual conversation…from this blog – paraphrased)

    I say bull. When you tell someone you “feel bitchiness” (or any one of the many examples of similar “feeling messages” used here) then…well…you are attacking that person.

    Does that make sense from the perspective of where some of us might be coming from?

    Much Love,
    Mercedes

    PS: Amber…it was very, very strange that we both used the same word within seconds of each other. LOL You do know I was not referring to anything you’ve ever said to me right? 🙂



  316.  #316AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    But if you’d said I FEEL RAGE when this began we might have skipped some of this…

    Please don’t stone me! I’m just sayin’!



  317.  #317Daria on September 10, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    yes
    there are many millionic names for shades of feellings and we can make up words for them

    but theya ll pretty much relate to basic 4.

    poetic feelings are awesome

    I feel like my head is going to implode.

    hehe.

    oh yeah

    sensation in the body is a GREAT way to use feeling messages.

    i feel my shoulder pinched

    i love my pinching shoulder

    i feel a sigh of relaxation and fear coming up from my belly

    i love my sigh and my fear

    and That feels, like another sigh.

    When feelings are seen expressed, and loved, they morph, mmm to better feelings… which is what we want better feelings… and then the feeling will inspire a thought, and an action, and we’re off



  318.  #318Mercedes on September 10, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    LOL! Amber! Again…posting at the same time.

    No…you never called me a bitch. But if you ever feel the need, PLEASE, PLEASE just come straight out with it. I can understand it better….LOL 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  319.  #319Daria on September 10, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    I love my rage and everyone. I feel a lil excited about this… and fearful too!



  320.  #320Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    Jacqueline, I feel intrigued and surprised to hear that I posted a guy’s phone number. Are you able to find the post for me? It would be great if you could, as I don’t remember it and would like to learn what happened.

    If there was indeed a phone number posted, my guess is that I didn’t put his real phone number but substituted a fake one — a common technique in creative non-fiction.

    I feel somewhat amused by the fact that you wrote that you hope I CHANGE since I am hearing over and over complaints from you that ppl are asking you to change and you’re sick of it and don’t want to change.

    Also, I don’t know why you would need to write what you wrote to me in a private email. I feel confused about that. We share concerns like that on here with each other all the time.



  321.  #321Daria on September 10, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    Mercedes is a BIT*CH. JUST KIDDING!!

    total joke.

    I wonder how that is received. I feel amused and like running away into the other room and hiding like a 5 year old behind the couch .

    ***

    BTW i don’t mean that. totally for the purpose of making a triggering joke. and healing woudl feel nice too <– intent



  322.  #322mary on September 10, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    i gave my speech this morning.

    i was prepared. it flowed out of my mouth like i was talking about the garden in the back yard.

    i felt sad that it was needed but like it was absolutely the best thing to do.

    now i feel peace and hope and yes, power, too.

    thank you all.



  323.  #323Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    Amber — “But the thing is- I kinda figure that since they annoy the fcuk out of me, I prolly do the same for them. They’re holding up a mirror for me to find ways I need to grow.”

    Yes!!! We are all in the same boat!!!



  324.  #324AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    Daria- I thought she was saying she’s off to work to pay her bills?

    And I’m doing the “hrm, interesting” thing on how she learns. So I was trying to say that she may not learn from feeling msgs, but that the people who interact with her might.

    Jeeps. I am hearing myself talking like I’m her translator.

    SIGH

    That feels bad.

    But I DO speak Jacqueline, and I’m learning to speak Daria.



  325.  #325Daria on September 10, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Sometimes, new and OLD Goddesses, are tweaking in the triggers and may use words that don’t very well express how they feel.

    hence “feel” – slapped onto a judgement or thought.

    Here’s what it would look like for me:

    “I feel bitchiness coming from Daria”

    oh noo.. that feels terrible. I feel judged and i do not want to feel that way! I feel so angry! I don’t want my energy labeled as bitchiness!



  326.  #326AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    BITCH.

    GRIN



  327.  #327Mercedes on September 10, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    LOL! Daria! You crack me up!

    For the record:

    I am NOT a Bitch.

    I CAN be one when I choose to be though.

    I choose to be SOMETIMES.

    I RARELY choose to be here.

    I might have made that choice ONCE.

    I might be sorry about that but I can’t remember the specifics so I’m not sure.

    tinque…I’m grateful I went ballistic on you when we first met online because it gave us the most wonderful laugh when we met in person!

    (I might have been a bitch to tinque…maybe…)

    (but she never called me one)

    Much Love (and sometimes bitchiness when I choose to be),
    Mercedes



  328.  #328AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    Hey Daria- I’m about to attempt a big reframe here.

    I am hearing you says that this blog is a place to use Rori’s tools.

    I hear your frustration at Jacqueline not using feeling messages.

    I hear Jacqueline being frustrated at being told to speak a certain way.

    I heard her try to understand why it is important for you that she use feeling messages.

    I heard that not go well.

    I heard her say that Rori has given her approval for the voice Jacqueline uses here.



  329.  #329Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    Mercedes, yes (315). That is why some of us try to point out to others when we see them using Imposter Feeling Messages instead of Real Feeling Messages. Some of us correct ourselves, too, when we see we have used an Imposter. Rori has also written posts about the difference, and it would feel GREAT if we could all 100% of the time avoid using Imposter Feeling Messages!!! Imposters don’t help us or anyone else at all, just like you said. Boo Hiss to Imposter Feeling Messages!!!



  330.  #330Daria on September 10, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    I feel guilty about my triggering joke. Mercedes may not yet be 100% aboard with feeling messages, and I may want to give an example of how

    a non feeling message direct statement that she asked for feels…

    and i feel guilty now, because i imagine it could feel bad. i might feel triggered to strong pain receiving that. even if i felt amused

    i feel sad now.

    im sorry i made that joke, i feel guilty.
    aww i love me

    sorry mercedes.

    i feel curious if this has changed a pattern i may have with making too strong jokes

    i feel like a lil kid who went over the line, and now may be slapped by her mom. i love me . hugs to me. hugs to my pattern. its ok to dismantle now, if you want to.

    i love my feelings.

    i feel shaky and afraid.

    mmm

    i love my shakyness, and my fear.

    and that feels like

    blankness
    i love my blankness

    and that feels like

    a lil more blankness

    i love my blankness… i love my shoulder and how its relaxing

    i feel so afraid. i love my fear

    thank you

    i feel sad

    i love my sadness

    i feel misunderstood by my mamai

    i love my misunderstood feeling. i love myself. i am now andult and will hug my lil girl and protect her and know that her intent was fun, laughing and healing.

    i love you lil girl me.

    i feel so guilty for doing that to your Auntie????(Mercedes triggers to me an aunt figure it seems!)

    i love my guilt i love my fear,i love my walled, i love my disconnectness

    i lvoe my not being seen for the fun loving little girl li am

    oh i feel so sad!@

    i didnt mean to make her sad!
    i was playing

    im sorry!

    i feel so unloved and misunderstood and guilty and confused and mistrustful of myself

    i love my feelings

    and that feels like

    me poiuting

    and i love my pout

    and that feels like

    a lil more hanging head sadness

    i lvoe my hanging head

    i love my sadness

    and that feels a lil relaxing

    i love my lil relaxing

    i still feel a lil sad adn scared

    i love my lil sad adn scared

    i feel a lsigh of relax

    i love my relax

    i feel flash eye exchitement to run in the other orom and play viodeogames

    i lvole my flash eyed excitement and desire to run and diesre to play an dfeel completely captivated

    mmm

    i love all my feelings

    i love my slow churning chest feeling



  331.  #331Daria on September 10, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    I love that im moving mega energy with this!

    thank you for the healing i asked for… i feel scared and guilty that others may not be receiving healing

    and i choose to be enough and worthy and love my dropping off the empire state tummy that they may think im selfish fear

    i love my fear

    i lvoe my feelings



  332.  #332Mercedes on September 10, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    Daria: You can make joke like that with me any day! 🙂 You make me smile when you do that. But I know how you feel. On that other thread when I laughed at your “I feel angry” comment (only because of what happened the night before while you weren’t online)…I also felt bad after I said it. But…I was totally relieved when you laughed too and saw the irony.

    So…here’s to you feeling relieved now that you know your joke made me smile. 🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  333.  #333Mercedes on September 10, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    tinque did call me a “hussy slut ho” once though…

    at dinner

    over a glass of wine

    it was totally inappropriate!

    LOL! (for those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, it was a long time ago and I sort of started it…).

    love you girl!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  334.  #334Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Hmmm. I don’t have a problem at all with Jacqueline’s “voice.”

    That’s what confuses me.

    It feels like Jacqueline has a problem with MY voice.

    I say things in my voice, and then she gets mad and says she feels like I’m doing something bad to her.

    I don’t understand.



  335.  #335Daria on September 10, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    Amber – my frame is:

    new sirens are learning here, and getting their toes in , with their resistance on horse

    old sirens are learning here, babysteps for me – how to be an invitation and not a bashemontheheader or a clingywhinerexplainer

    all sirens are learning how to feel their triggers and be with them and sink into their feelings and communicate



  336.  #336Daria on September 10, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    Lucy – lol tweaks at 334 for “falsies”



  337.  #337AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    Daria- Thank you- That’s hella funny and also really awesome.

    I feel so frustrated!!! Like the pieces fit and the picture matches up but I can’t get the puzzle finished.

    I really feel that there is respect on both (all) sides it’s just that it’s a multilingual conversation.

    For me (and I’m a little scared asking this) I don’t understand why her not using feeling messages bothers you beyond just being annoying. I would like to understand.



  338.  #338Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    Thanks, Daria. I was actually trying to NOT using feeling messages at all, in the spirit of “feeling messages are not really necessary all the time and are not my ‘natural’ voice anyway” — but I see (thank you) that one falsie slipped in there….

    “It feels like Jacqueline has a problem with MY voice.”

    So let’s tweak that.

    I feel frustrated and a lil angry because it seems like Jacqueline has a problem with MY voice. (True Feeling Message???/girl voice)

    OR

    What I am hearing from Jacqueline’s comments to me is that she has a problem with MY voice. (non-feeling message/boy voice)

    What do you think?



  339.  #339Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    Oh rats….I am in suspended animation on the other thread…..hmmmmm – oh well….

    Here is my take on feeling messages – and this is from a total “in my head” kinda woman that I am. Or, this is what I have learned this summer from being here on siren island.

    Feeling messages the in the Rori way – are incredibly powerful when created and used as intended. So let me explain – I have had training in Non-violent Communications some years ago – actually it was many many years ago. I struggled enormously with the process because it was so difficult to do in the world of business (my real world). NOW, with all the trauma in my background (special things I have learned to do to communicate with traumatized people), and seeing how feeling messages are or are not feeling messages on this board, and having reviewed my pile of material on Non-Violent Communications, and looking at that method for dealing with loved ones – I FINALLY GET IT! And I am going to try to explain what I have learned in a few short notes here.

    Feeling messages are to get to the core of how I am experiencing a feeling in the moment. It requires pealing back layers of blocking (history, triggers, other people’s messages, expectations etc) to get to the very real feeling

    There are only 4 feelings: Happy; Sad; Angry; Fear (and just because I am a rogue, I would say angry is either fear or sad and angry is just a layer before I reach fear or sad – but that is just me)

    There are many ways of experiencing the degrees of those feelings and in the peeling layers, I can experience the mess of many so it has helped that I have a huge list to practice labeling

    When there is any “you” entering into the statement (or my internal conversation) – I have moved to judgement, control, and introduced conflict. In essence I have shifted from myself awareness of I feel, to HALTING feeling and focusing on attacking (for lack of a better word) whoever the “you” might be. I have found this the most enlightening aspect of my learning here and am incredibly thankful for all the processing on this blog that has helped me with this awareness.

    If I can play this out for a moment –

    I am feeling happy (connected and welcomed) to be a contributing member of this group

    I am feeling sad that I am not part of this group because I feel happy when I share my experiences and learn from everyone else

    These two statements are all about my experience and feelings. These statements generate a compassionate response from the person hearing/listening.

    I feel bitchiness coming from XXX and that makes me feel angry and alone

    When you bitch and complain, I feel angry, because it isolates both you and me

    Neither of these statements generate compassion – they generate conflict (guilt, attack, control and manipulation). These are designed to effect some sort of change in the other person – of all things, I can feel the actual energy shift even in writing the words on the screen. The energy shifts from an internal compassion for myself to something completely outside of myself. My thinking head, finds that experience fascinating.

    I am glad to have found such a wonderful group and learned so much from how we have been expressing feeling messages – it has taken me a great deal of practice. I see the importance of compassionate conversations and think and feel it is all about balance (happy feeling).

    Daria captured it so beautifully: When feelings are seen expressed, and loved, they morph, mmm to better feelings… which is what we want better feelings… and then the feeling will inspire a thought, and an action, and we’re off

    Thank you everyone, I am stepping away now for a while as I need to re-focus this beautiful energy on my business and family and I don’t have any men on the go so …. With huge hugs and much love and compassion I thank all of you from the top, bottom and middle of my heart

    Lizzie



  340.  #340tinque on September 10, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    “tinque did call me a “hussy slut ho” once though…”

    No way. I did not. I called myself one. Still do.
    Are you messing with me?
    My brain is totally and completely fried…
    Is it beer o’clock yet?
    xxoo



  341.  #341Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    Daria, can this one be tweaked to take J out of it completely and still communicate “context”?

    “I feel frustrated and a lil angry because it seems like Jacqueline has a problem with MY voice.”

    I feel stumped.



  342.  #342AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    Lucy- re 338

    “It feels like Jacqueline has a problem with MY voice.”

    “I feel frustrated and a lil angry. ”

    The part ABOUT Jacqueline isn’t about you. So to me it feels off somehow.

    You feel misunderstood. Or unheard.

    What would you like? What would feel good?

    It would feel good to me to know that what I am trying to say is being understood.

    I would like?



  343.  #343Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    Lizzie, I like your explanation. Thank you for taking the time and effort to write that. Yes, it’s not about feeling messages for their own sake — it’s about feeling messages as a way to truly connect with people and move through barriers. <3



  344.  #344AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    What would the understanding with Jacqueline look like? How would it feel?

    What are you trying to say to her?

    If you strip it way down- what’s there?

    What is it you want Jacqueline to understand? Can you express that in a feeling message?



  345.  #345AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Lucy- Thank you for bearing with me. I’m intrigued by this and trying really hard to get it. I feel like it’s important for me.



  346.  #346Mercedes on September 10, 2010 at 2:00 pm

    LOL! Yes you did!

    This is how it went:

    1. K calls tinque a hussy slut ho (sort of…)
    2. Mercedes goes nuts.
    3. Tinque calls herself a hussy slut ho
    4. Mercedes about goes off the deep end.
    5. Mercedes gets all better (ok…it took a little longer than that…)
    6. Mercedes and Tinque have dinner
    7. Tinque says (and I quote) “you hussy. you slut. you ho”. (with a wink no less)
    8. Mercedes laughed her butt off!

    🙂

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  347.  #347Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    Hey Amber, this is great dialogue, thanks. 🙂
    Good questions!

    “It would feel good to me to know that what I am trying to say is being understood.”

    Yes.

    I feel confused when people think I am saying something I am not saying.



  348.  #348Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    I want Jacqueline to understand that I am not attacking her, dissing her, stomping on her, etc. and I feel baffled as to why she thinks I am.



  349.  #349tinque on September 10, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    Okay I believe you, but as I laugh my butt off here wishing I had that glass of wine right now except I have one more piece to write, I can’t at all remember what I was going to say. shrug…sigh
    I want wine. I’m whining for wine.

    xxoo



  350.  #350Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    I did it!!! First submission to EZine and am aiming for 10 to get to platinum status asap!!! Hooray for me, and yep! need to pay bills before processing. Grins and high 5’s!

    Lucy, I don’t have a problem with your voice, you are beautiful and eloquent. I have a problem with your actions – if you are not cutting and pasting and are paraphrasing, all to the good. We keep peeling away onions here together, I guess because I have some kind of genuine need to know who you are thing going on – a kind of fascination with it, NOT a dissaproval. Well, it also fascinates me that I can SHOUT what I’m saying and somehow it twists by the time you hear it. That is very interesting to me.

    ‘kay, gotta go tend the guy now….lunch date!!!

    Hugs to all – and I say this in a factual as distinguised from bragging! which I reserve for my BLOG…hee hee…..manner – I am a 3X’s attuned Reiki master, attuned 2nd generation from founder, a licensed massage therapist, a trained hypnotherapist, a deep tissue/trigger point emotional body trauma therapist, learned eft in the early 90’s, practiced it in life, etc. and a healing licensed minister….so when I call up all that emotion and just let it drain away….it’s really gone.

    Took me awhile to be willing to go there, you all definitely broke through my resistence!!! but still keeping my voice. My voice is my strength, my word IS me.



  351.  #351Mercedes on September 10, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    Come on over….I’ve got the wine and two glasses…



  352.  #352Mercedes on September 10, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    actually…I have lots of glasses but not lots of wine…so…everyone welcome but please stop and pick up a bottle on your way…



  353.  #353Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    Tinque!!! hey, you go girl….lots of emails hitting my box as comments on your newest blog post! Hooray for Tinque, and a glass of chardonay?

    @ Amber, thank you thank you thank you, and ummm your guy wants to know if you heard him say how very much he loves you today because of course, you simply take his breath away!!!???? he may not wanna say it….but I will….hee heee

    Grins,
    J



  354.  #354Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    “I have a problem with your actions”

    I feel bad reading that.

    I feel like a small sad puddle now.



  355.  #355Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    “Took me awhile to be willing to go there, you all definitely broke through my resistence!!!”

    I feel happy and excited reading that!!!



  356.  #356tinque on September 10, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Nope red wine only girl here.
    I have the wine Miss M, several bottles of a really yummy one I found that has the oopsiest name. Menage a Trois. NO it’s not a suggestion…
    I have three glasses and beer mugs in the freezer for the men. Hop on a plane. Come on over. It’s kind of chilly on the lake today but still pretty.

    xxo



  357.  #357Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Dear Lil puddle….only the action of cut and paste, which you said you’re not, so we are totally both happy and excited now!!! Go Ezine!!! Go Lucy SPLASHING>………into my resistence, gee she must LOOOOVE me to go through all that!!!

    J



  358.  #358Daria on September 10, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    im a licensed Goddess… and when i call up my invitation and compassion… it feels really powerful.

    and im lucky

    I feel confused and sad that Jaqueline seems to be defending her voice

    i do not want to attack Jaqueline’s voice

    this feels bad.

    i feel misunderstood about that.

    speaking one’s feelings is not silencing

    its opening and sharing the real truth about that person’s Being – and thus its power .

    If anything it IS their true voice! their true feeling!!

    I WANT TO HEAR THAT VOICE!!!



  359.  #359Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    I am a licensed water faerie and certified tree nymph.

    And in school I was always in the 99th percentile nationwide for Reading Comprehension.

    Not bragging, just sayin’.



  360.  #360Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    Oh, and I’m lucky. 🙂



  361.  #361AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    Jacqueline,

    He sent me flowers today!!! Big Bright Sunny Sunflowers and Delphinium! He heard me when I said they are my favorites because they make me SMILE.

    He made my cry happy tears 🙂



  362.  #362Mercedes on September 10, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    I’m a red girl as well and LMAO….I have the same wine!

    I wish so much I could hop that plane!

    For now though…I’m off…probably won’t be back for a while…tied up in training next week and most likely for about 8 or 9 weeks beyond that but….maybe it won’t be as busy…I don’t know…will just have to see.

    Regardless of what happens, it’s been FUN!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  363.  #363Daria on September 10, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    I got 790 on my Gmat.

    I can move energy and shift beliefs like “im lucky”

    i can do ask and receive

    i can feel energy in my body

    i can create a calm space

    i can be with all my emotions

    i am basically set for the next mamilllion lilfetimes

    you are welcome to all the 5 + nonillioon ancestors of mine that make up the past 100 genarations

    and thank you.

    thank you thank you.

    to you and all the ones before too!!!



  364.  #364AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    And I am a card carrying BITCH. LOL And a WITCH. Sometimes even at the same time!

    Kidding. There aren’t any “witches” unions I’d want to join, really.

    And Holy Feeling Messages Batgirl!

    I’m feeling SUPER excited and I can’t wait to ask Jacqueline about Reiki because I’ve been wondering about all the negative physical memories I have stored up in my body and I feel so much desire for the lightness I know I will feel as I release them.



  365.  #365AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    And Daria

    You can teach Ambers to let go of so many negative limiting beliefs, and to do flip lists, and to riff easy, and to express herself, and to feel her LUCK again, and soooooo much more.

    THANK YOU.



  366.  #366AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    I am the love of my life.

    I love and accept myself exactly as I am.

    I am worthy of the very best and I now lovingly allow myself to accept it.



  367.  #367Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    Ooh, Amber, I like that. I will write it too!

    I am the love of my life.

    I love and accept myself exactly as I am.

    I am worthy of the very best and I now lovingly allow myself to accept it.

    (And it is not asking for too much!!! yay!)



  368.  #368Daria on September 10, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    Amber –

    I feel a lil jealous about asking Jaqueline about releasing physical bodies in our tissues

    I dont THINK Reiki works for that, tho it does work for all things so it can affect that as wel..

    Rori has a few awesome Somatic Trauma Release speciallists she recommends – (which is about releasing teh memory imprints stuff out our phyisical)

    a lot for me happens just by feeling my emotions , and then feeling the contortions of my body, that is usually something releasing

    I’ve also worked with Lou at backfixbodywork.com

    he’s amazing, and has awesome articles (about emotional release out the body , gotta search for them on his site).

    I have his stretches, and I release stuff by myself just streching sometimes.

    I alos know how to do Reichian Nethertonian Release – scary stuff i ll tell u lol

    super intense using past life memories release – this i did do at first with that guy

    i think he may be slightly autistic or something tho, but he’s a great healer.



  369.  #369AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    Jacqueline

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!

    On all you have achieved and ALSO on your submission. You are living your dream!!!!

    W00T!!!!!

    I wish I had a bottle of champagne for you!!! I am so Excited & Proud of you!

    GRINNING EAR TO EAR



  370.  #370Daria on September 10, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    I have been attuned to Reiki, but I haven’t really gotten in it yet! I feel excited for how my life will unravel and all the magic tools i’ll learn more and more about



  371.  #371AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    Daria-

    Tell me MORE! LOL I’m serious. REALLY. I’m finding some of my NLBs are very entrenched physically and I want to let them OUT. I’ve been working my way through some of your posts on your site (Thank you for your blog). I don’t remember anything on the stretching. Have you written about it?

    I have learned so much from you here, starting before I ever even posted!



  372.  #372Daria on September 10, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    Jaqueline – I have not. I will direct you to

    Backfixbodywork.com

    that should keep you busy for a WEEK!!! at least (tho u dont have to read everything)

    prepare to have your mind blown!

    oh.

    !!

    I will write more directly and clearly about it as well from now on.

    Stretching, the fascia, helps the emotions sometimes release by themselves, and is also a prereq. to the release work.

    I learned how to do streching from Lou. He taught me over the phone, for like 2 hours, for free. It felt amazing – and I mean amazing.

    Its a new life skill, a magic knowledge i have that few people on earth do.

    how to do this strechign i learned from him, that is as deceptively simple as a feeling message.

    the other day, i was streching , for a long itme, and wound up sobbing adn crying while doing it, as a trauma released on its own,

    Riffing – also releases the energy in this way…. thats why different parts of our body get “squeezed” as i follow my feelings.

    All in all,,, the stretching and drinking mucho water keeps my emotions flowing much more and it makes an environment where older ones are better able to release.



  373.  #373Daria on September 10, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    oops not Jaquline, Amber!!!



  374.  #374Daria on September 10, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    another thing is intent.

    If i sent an intent… and for example write it down here…

    like I intend that I am invitation and encouragement and source of support for Amber to release and have what she wants,

    then it will come true

    your magic mind will naturally set the process in motion,

    by finding someone to help you

    or spontaneously shwoing you how to do it.

    — and energy and magic are availalbe in great depths to all of us —

    my friend the other day did a spontaneous exorcism on herslef

    much how i learned from Lou to remove entities …

    and it was her own guidance that showed her how to do it…

    === being in touch wiht our feelings and in the intent to learn an heal … we natrually find learn and experience that what we want to —



  375.  #375Daria on September 10, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    Thats awesome about receiving flowers! I feel excited to receive flowers from a man and have it feel good



  376.  #376Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    I feel discouraged when I read CC’s newsletters. I always feel — THINK — “I will NEVER get the guy” — when I read his newsletters. 🙁 It all feels ambiguous to me: be unpredictable, be fun.

    How will I know when I am being unpredictable and fun?

    I guess when I get the guy!

    Being unpredictable — how can I choose to be that? How do I know what the guy is predicting I will do, so that I can do the opposite?

    I don’t want to have to read a man’s mind and then switch up my plan.

    Help!



  377.  #377Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    Maybe I should not have warned WH about my shellfish allergy and he would’ve eaten shellfish and then at the end of the night when he kissed me I would have gone into anaphylactic shock and died.

    I bet he wouldn’t have predicted that!!!

    “Wow, that Lucy, she was so darn unpredictable! I never saw that coming! Wow I love her and want to be with her forever! Too bad she’s dead!”



  378.  #378AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    OMG Lucy! “I never saw that coming” Too funny!

    Unpredictable. What would a ‘normal’ woman do? And how can you be unique? Or what would YOU normally do? And how can YOU switch it out?

    I loved how he talked about what it’s like to be a good guy, good looking and decent and how dates feel when the woman realized this and starts getting future oriented. Or how we all ask the SAME questions.

    I have really benefited from CC’s book. I keep re-reading it. I actually printed it and put it in a big binder because I learn from reading (and writing notes). I’ve got tape flags all over it, too. I do find his eletters to be kind of scare tactic like though.

    I might normally just kiss a guy good night- but with my guy- I pinched his nipple through his shirt (since my hand was on his chest anyway) and he has NEVER forgotten it. I know, I know- TMA! LOL



  379.  #379AmberS on September 10, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    Daria

    Daria,

    THANK YOU!!!! Damn! There’s a LOT of info here. So I’ll see you some time next week after I get done reading it… Heh. It’s cool. I love to read!

    Of these (Reichian Nethertonian Release, Somatic Trauma Release & Lou’s back stuff) What did you get the best results with? I’ll try them all 🙂 But I’m curious about what was best. I just re-read that post. WHOA. You do the RNR one!! Okay- I’m gonna go walk and breathe and absorb.

    And I’m going to dedicate my walking meditation tonight. Because that feels like a good step for me.

    Thank you for putting in the effort to post this information. I’ll stop asking questions (for now) while I get up to speed!



  380.  #380Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    are you all making fun of the little blonde girl/????? cuz I don’t think you have to have a license or a card to be a tree nympho????? I thought trees had dyads or somethin in em anyway!



  381.  #381Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 4:55 pm

    Ps @ Daria – bodywork is never ending fascinating I learned a deep tissue technique that requires you know the muscle’s origin and insertion – where it begins and ends on the body and you can make the muscle like ….kind of like playdough? If you don’t get to the origin and/ or insertion, you’re just a regular swedish masseuse and not much happening but sleepy relaxation. T

    For emotional body/mind stuff I really find a method that’s fallen out of fashion but was amazingly effective was rebirthing….OMG! I have seen people like contort, scream and trance out.

    I will check that link – or at least write it down, cuz I’m on a mission to get 10 articles to Ezine over weekend.



  382.  #382Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    @Amber – wow, fabulous and hooray for giving him the benefit of a doubt – look how it paid off. Getting flowers you want/mentioned is a whole new level from just getting flowers. I am impressed and super jazzed for you!!! and the bodywork thing, too.

    Reiki is based on Kanji’s – Japanese writing and there’s a kind of Hawaian version with a different symbol Karuna Reiki that seemed more powerful than just “regular” Reiki – the only way to clear with it is to let it flow through you and like push out the other stuff. I found it wasn’t until I really like worked with the symbols daily that amazing stuff started happening……I have the no time/no space/no distance just NOW symbol painted on my hall door and it is amazing to me that people ask what writing it is; very cool because in the beginning no one even recognized it was a form of writing.

    Daria’s right, body work is the way to go – but I believe you need touch to really get there, and to get a very very safe space! Definitely don’t do a lot of the rebirthing breathing – mouth circular – alone, it can freak you out!

    Cranial sacral therapy and a sort of rocking motion – can’t think of the name – not rolfing!! – is also really good for letting body release stored trauma/memory, etc. And I really have experienced great results with EFT and body stuff, not mind stuff.

    Lynne and I are working with a guy – Steve with EFT Down Under, and she’s going to be posting her results, etc. on the – Liveyourdream – blog.

    Super duper trippy dippy…..
    j



  383.  #383Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    ps….wow, we went to dinner and so many guys were staring at me boyfriend mentioned it! Felt very weird, as I’ve been playing small in so many ways to fit in here at home too…..but the cool thing was he didn’t mention it triggered, just was like proud of it. I think it was cuz my hair was down for the first time in months??? OR cuz I posted my Ezine articles and was so proud of myself??? lol….



  384.  #384Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    Not making fun, Jacqueline — HAVING fun. 🙂

    (And it’s tree NYMPH — not nympho. Lol!)

    Glad you had fun at dinner!



  385.  #385Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 6:03 pm

    @ Lucy….I totally got that….you nymph-oh! hee…..

    WOW!! 4 articles to Ezine and one to another site…I guess I can get over not working out residual guilt???

    Good work, J!!!!! now get back to your own blog!



  386.  #386Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    well well well all the happy sirens here, I have not had a peep from the 4 guys I sent little notes to on eH. So much for that effort.

    Some of you seem to be successful with sending vibes out to the universe to get your chosen man to show up. Soooo sirens how would that work? Is it a meditation? Help!



  387.  #387Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    Hi Lizzie. I’m not a happy siren right now.

    I seem to be very successful with sending vibes out to the universe to attract tons of men — more than I can handle — Ooh, I just got an image of being one of those mosquito zappers that draws them in and fries them — oh!

    But alas, I seem unable to “keep” the one or two that I really like. 🙁 Waa waa waa. I am very sad tonight.



  388.  #388Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    Hmm. Maybe those two are smart enough to realize I am really a mosquito zapper and not just a bright pretty light!



  389.  #389Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    Oh Lucy, lets have wine….I don’t seem to be able to keep the one I like either. And we had awesome dates. It really is so odd. When I was a young thing, I was never wanting….I got any man I wanted and kept them for years! They even turned into friends when things didn’t work out. Just incredible. It is odd… my clients find it odd, my married men friends adore me and think it is odd…like it is just odd.



  390.  #390Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    Same here, Lizzie! It used to be so easy!



  391.  #391Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    They don’t want to get zapped and fried, so they stay away.

    Erika is right — it’s me that has to change. I have to stop being a mosquito zapper.



  392.  #392Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    And to think all this time I thought I was being a harmless magnet!

    But no, I am being a deadly mosquito zapper. And the ones who aren’t tuned in to that just fly in and get fried.



  393.  #393Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    Erika just wrote on the other thread: “That’s why I stopped circular dating, because the clarity of my vision had become so powerful that it was pointless to keep dating men who clearly were not going to be part of that vision. Still recognizing them as perfectly wonderful people, just not my life partner.”

    Perfectly wonderful people that I need to stop drawing in to my light so they end up fried.

    I need a new vision.



  394.  #394Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    How do I stop being a mosquito zapper? WHY am I a mosquito zapper?

    What about me is unsafe for a good man?



  395.  #395Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    I really really like this: “Still recognizing them as perfectly wonderful people, just not my life partner.”

    That will help me with saying No to what I don’t want.

    Instead of feeling, “Oh no, ew, not another one!” I can feel, “Oh, what a perfectly wonderful person! — Just not my life partner…”

    Thanks, Erika. You rock.



  396.  #396Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    I really like that as well. On dates that are clearly not the right guy – we end up talking that way – “you are perfectly wonderful, just not on the same journey as I am” is what I have found myself saying.

    Interestingly, I don’t really see myself as a mosquito zapper – although for a while I played with the idea. I think I am a siren – draw them in then drown them



  397.  #397Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    I am now reading all the processes on Mission Coach – did you see the article posted on the other thread by Daria? I had found that article earlier and posted the address. I think there is a “message” for me on that site.



  398.  #398Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    I never saw myself as a mosquito zapper until tonight.

    But yes! Siren — draw them in and drown them. That’s just the point! I have struggled with that image!!



  399.  #399Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    Why would I want a man who throws himself overboard, smashes his head on the rocks, and washes up on the beach bloody and weak and . . . dead.



  400.  #400Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    No, I want the ones who are f*cking smart enough to tie themselves to the mast so they can see and hear the beautiful sirens and yet STAY ALIVE and STRONG and GORGEOUS.

    I sit on the island and watch those men sail by — they are beautiful, smart, and strong — my eyes are wide and I am breathless watching them — oh they are so smart and strong! — and my heart pitter patters with love, respect, and admiration.



  401.  #401Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    OMG! well I hadn’t had quite that image. for me it is the embracing kiss and he completely disolves into me then melts out of my arms and just sinks to the bottom of the sea

    jeses – throwing himself overboard smashing his head on rocks – oh that is sooooo violent – OMG that is so funny – well at least you don’t MELT the guy into oblivion



  402.  #402Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    Alrightee, lets revist this image – lets you and me sirens, be anchors



  403.  #403Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 7:21 pm

    no no wait! I have another one…lets be the goddess earth…that safe place that when all is disheveled and messy and scarey, is the deep root of trust and belonging



  404.  #404Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    Hi, Lucy and Lizzie….just did a Friday interview with a woman in OZ that say you can choose your relationships! how is that for timely, course I’m not all that sure about that….but she’s very cool.

    Lucy, you know that whole I love my own backyard thing? I LOVE my own backyard, and my house and the lot next door which I also own (lots and lots of yardwork here)…..and one of the reasons my ex is ex is because I wouldn’t even go look at the house he wanted. He’s also ex because that house looks sort of like a prison fortress/compound with a swimming pool and his daughter’s freeloading with a parcel of grandchildren…but I digress….

    yes! define what you want, define what you don’t want – I widened my net and found someone to come be with me here. Not to say I wouldn’t move, won’t move and won’t change, but that felt good.

    So, I think there’s some complexity in what you want, and even so – it’s still possible to find that perfect fit. I like the second version of the story – of course, him washing up onshore and you saving him would be very modern day cool, too….as long as he was a fabulous romance cover hero in distress?

    Hope I made you smile….have a great nite everyone!



  405.  #405Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    now lets take the concept of beliefs – these are mental constructs, that are in many ways, tools that help (or we think they help) us intrepret our world. Lets say that values lie beyond our beliefs. I have often worked with limiting beliefs in the world of work so now if I apply the same principles here, the beliefs are systems that we seem to think are manifestations of our values. But they aren’t really. Values actually stand alone. They are at the ture core of our selves. Bit it takes effort to get in touch with these because the beliefs and our behaviours out there, are blockages.



  406.  #406Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    wow, if three of us are sitting her imagining men washing ashore! something’s gotta happen –

    Hi again, Lizzie!!! Hope you had a great week and are doing fab. What’s up with the fashion show????



  407.  #407Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    Come back, Ulysses! I will not drown you! Shhh, Siren sisters, let us stop our singing for a moment so Ulysses won’t be scared. Shhhh. Hush.

    Here I am.

    You are safe.

    Poseidon, I command you to calm the waves so Ulysses can safely come to shore.

    Thank you.

    Here I am, Ulysses.

    I am beautiful and safe.

    Come.

    *smile*

    Yes.

    Hello.

    Yes.



  408.  #408Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    continuing on a bit here – at the core – our values are who we really are.

    If we think of all the beliefs we have, both postive and negative as layers of protection – then we can’t easily see our true values and we must otherwize we send confusing messages to those outside of ourselves (and we enter into confusing dialogue within ourselves). So we need to quiet the beliefs, make them small enough for me to see the real me. Once I do this, I am so comfortable with my life purpose that I can just be.

    le voila! je vous ma presente!



  409.  #409Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    J – I am waxing philosophical here and I am so happy Lucy is sharing in the wine – she is as brilliant as I!!!



  410.  #410Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 7:40 pm

    “TURN THE SHIP!” Ulysses’ voice booms across the deck.

    “UNTIE ME!” he commands his sailors.

    He climbs the railing and stands tall, arms stretched above his head, preparing to dive. He is tan and strong and manly.

    I am quiet. My siren sisters are quiet. The waves are quiet. Even Poseidon is in awe of what I have done. I have made Ulysses feel safe.

    There he goes.

    What a beautiful, majestic dive!

    Strong arms swim through the sea.

    He grins as he reaches the beach and sees me.

    He runs to me, where I sit smiling on the rock, my hair blowing around my bare shoulders, my face radiant with love and peace and joy.

    At last.

    He scoops me up and twirls me around.

    We are home.



  411.  #411Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 7:40 pm

    YES the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party – it is a fundraising event I organize – it is a wild good time, and we do a brilliant lingerie fashion show. I recruit all my friends (and don’t let anyone get away!!!) to be models. Only real women – I have a milner do amazing hats, and we get all “dollied” up in the world’s most stunning undies and go on stage. The impact is just astounding – I liberate!!



  412.  #412Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    Hi Jacqueline. I am drunk with the wine Lizzie brought. Thank you for your backyard story.



  413.  #413Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    Lucy, BEAUTIFUL!!!

    See, we can quite all those messages and beliefs and recieve!



  414.  #414Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    quiet…jeeese I can’t spell



  415.  #415Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    Lucy you are awesome.



  416.  #416Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    “See, we can quiet all those messages and beliefs and recieve!”

    Yes!

    🙂



  417.  #417Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    Thanks, Lizzie! You are awesome too!



  418.  #418Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    I will not hurt you, Ulysses.

    I know you may have heard differently.

    I will not stop loving you or myself.

    You are safe with me, truly safe.

    I will not break your heart.

    I will not break your spirit.

    I will not drown you.



  419.  #419Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    I promise.



  420.  #420Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    I will be open to you
    I will recieve you in my heart
    I will grow the energy we experience together
    I will accept you the way you are
    I will respect you for the person you are
    I will champion and support your dreams and desires
    I will ravish you on occasion
    I will create safe space for you



  421.  #421Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    aw … heck… I will ravish you OFTEN



  422.  #422Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    Wow, Lizzie. Love it!



  423.  #423Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    Lol (421)



  424.  #424Lizzie on September 10, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    I am feeling lovely now
    Thank you Lucy
    I am going to have a glass of wine and watch the news
    Good night Lovely Lucy – we shall welcome wonderful masculine energy into our lives – it shall be soon – I just have good intuition



  425.  #425Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    Me too, Lizzie. Thanks for being in this space with me tonight. Goodnight! <3



  426.  #426Jacqueline on September 10, 2010 at 9:25 pm

    Wow!!! I found a secret….ah, the drunken sailors have sailed….but wait!!! Rori Raye’s on AMAZON!!! There’s even a RR discussion page on Amazon with nothing on it! and a BOOK….so, who’s gonna buy it and tell me all about it? Who will sail over to the Amazon site and sing siren songs???? Here’s the description:

    Make Him Fall For You will give you the Rori Raye Tools For Love you need to instantly change your love life (yes – that fast) – no matter how frustrated and unhappy you may be feeling right now. If you’re already receiving my free newsletters from http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com (if not – go get them now…!) – you may have read one – or perhaps even all – of the 16 Relationship Tools of the Week I’ve included in Make Him Fall For You. These 16 Tools are not only some of my favorites – they have a common theme: that Being is the way to get the love, romance and life-long commitment you want, instead of the Doing that we women have all been taught to rely on to get what we want. In love, it’s our receiving, our feeling, our expressing, our just being that inspires and creates the powerful attraction we all truly hold for a man just because we’re women. And we’ve all been taught to go against these most amazing of our powers – the depth of our emotions. Make Him Fall For You will shift your “vibe” from what feels to a man like the coldness of being in your head – to the warmth, passion, and intense, irresistible magnetism of being in your heart…and that’s the fastest way to connect to HIS heart. He can feel this shift immediately, and – almost shockingly – will instinctively and concretely move closer to you. We are truly feminine energy “Sirens,” and it’s the intense, feminine energy we create with our feelings that will compel a man – perhaps YOUR man – to feel so intensely attracted to you he’ll give up anything and everything – including his “freedom” – to be with you…forever. Make Him Fall For You will help you love yourself, sink into yourself, express yourself and draw a man to you – even the one you may be with right now. Relationships can turn around on a dime. I’ve seen it happen over and over…and it can happen for you, just the way it did for me. Be sure to let me know how Make Him Fall For You helps you… Love, Rori

    Check it out chickadees!!!

    J



  427.  #427BarbinOz on September 10, 2010 at 9:57 pm

    Whoa!!!!!! I cannot believe I have missed this whole thread for 3 freaking days, I wondered why you were all soooo quiet, looks like I missed out on the party LOL!!

    How do you all keep track on here anyway? I have sooo much old stuff to read that I keep getting sidetracked and go back to the “party” room where you are all talking and riffing and spliffing and stuff and find you have all moved onto another “party” and I wonder why you have all gone home and now I find you here in this “party” room!!

    Watched Rori on that TV show posted by Lizzie, I loved the way that Tim guy was turned on and tuned into Rori’s feminity, and the poor old guy was quite amazed that we women ACTUALLY, REALLY want a relationship YES YES YES, we do 😀



  428.  #428BarbinOz on September 10, 2010 at 10:01 pm

    femininity duh!!!

    OK ladies off to read and learn and catch up with you Siren/Diva Goddesses.

    Actually just had my gf and her partner over for lunch and I was telling them how I am learning this RR stuff, like the man needs to row the boat and we need to let him be a man and we will be melting feminine energy and he was nodding his head in agreement as my friend gave me that “whatever” look because she knows I am always trying new stuff and DOING things, well now I am going to learn how to BE. I will be putting myself on a new dating site over this next week, I am really over POF.

    Any ideas or old posts on here about putting up a RR style dating profile?

    Thanks
    Barb 🙂



  429.  #429Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 10:08 pm

    Hi Barb. If you checkmark the little box below where you type your comments, it will subscribe you to that thread and then our posts will show up in your email inbox. That way you can always know where the party is. 🙂



  430.  #430Lucy on September 10, 2010 at 10:12 pm

    Barb, if you want, I can show you my dating profiles. I made them pre-Rori, and they don’t really incorporate any Rori stuff that I’m aware of — but I do get tons of positive attention on match and pof.



  431.  #431Rori Raye on September 11, 2010 at 12:08 am

    oh, Jacqueline, thank you for finding that – I just thought it was important to have a presence on Amazon – before, anyone who went there looking for me found nothing…so I packaged up pretty my 16 favorite Tools – like Be His Honey, Be His Pearl…those…into a little “gift” book…it would be heavenly if you wanted to start a discussion group, or anything else on there that would link back here…haven’t had a chance yet to work on my author’s page, but looking forward to it…Love, Rori



  432.  #432BarbinOz on September 11, 2010 at 3:56 am

    Hi Lucy #429 and 430

    I am sure your profile is great but you are probably 20 years younger than me so attracting the men like moths to a flame LOL!!

    I would love some help in doing a RR type profile, but think if I put all touchy feely stuff on there I will look like an ageing hippy LOL!!

    Barb



  433.  #433Lizzie on September 11, 2010 at 6:42 am

    barb in Oz – can you post your “name” from POF? Although I signed myself off, I can do a search for you and would be happy to comment on your profile. I think we are the same age. I had lots of hits on POF as well – it was getting them to actually sit face to face that was the challenge for me.



  434.  #434Melb(a) Lynne on September 11, 2010 at 9:25 am

    Hi BarbinOz,
    I’m on rsvp.com.au (and also on pof just recently, but find it, not as Quality, as rsvp, thus far….. altho iti’s not as if there’s Amazing Guys on rsvp… but I think cos they have to Pay for a Stamp to contact [email us] means that they’ve got already some money/something to offer us!!, not guaranteed tho, lol!!)..
    I’m daydreams2 if you want to search & check out my profile, as an eg….. I get enough contacts to always keep me going (for free, ie I generally don’t pay to contact guys, I wait for them to contact me)… so is all for free for me..
    I’m (well) over 50… (no spring chicken…!!) haha 🙂
    cheers and good luck !!! Lynne 🙂



  435.  #435Jacqueline on September 11, 2010 at 11:01 am

    Hi, BarbIO….yeah, sometimes we get stuck on a back page….lol….

    To be honest, Lynne is beautiful! But….it’s kind of hard to turn guys off on a profile, unless you posting your long lettter to Santa about what man you want exactly under your tree?

    I always made sure and said things like – I’ve got a full, fun life, looking to meet new people and make new adventures. If you are the same, or have some great stories to tell….write back…..

    If you want to email me I’ll forward you a special report I purchased on how to write a profile!

    houstonrelationshipsurvey@yahoo.com

    Take care darlings in OZ…

    J



  436.  #436Jacqueline on September 11, 2010 at 11:02 am

    BarbIO- do they have senior friend finder there? It’s good here…..and free to start or something…..and don’t be scared of all the beautiful pix of women claiming to be 55!! grin



  437.  #437Lizzie on September 11, 2010 at 11:32 am

    Hi Barb in Oz – you are beautiful! and younger than me and so attractive!!!

    now for some honest feedback on your profile – brace yourself and feel the love and a big hug in this starting point: it sucks. 🙁

    Lets work on a re-do this evening shall we?

    Here are a few things I would like you to think about before writing your new profile – and I am hoping a little gang of sirens here will help you with it. Just make a list of key words here to give us something to work with.

    – what is truly important to you in life?
    – What are some of the uniquely special things you have done over the last few years that would help me understand your personality?
    – what are some of the things you would really like to do with a new man?
    – what are some of the things on your bucket list?
    – what are some of the things you have done or experienced that have really touched your heart?

    OK – I am going to do the same answers for myself on this little experiment tonight. Oh what fun we are going to build profiles!!!

    Right now I must go buy BBQ charcol, I am doing up a big mess of ribs for my kiddies – the finger licking good variety

    Don’t worry, I will make a note of the # and will be able to find us….

    Big hugs sweet Barb- we are going to make the beauty of your profile match your picture and how we know you here.



  438.  #438Jacqueline on September 11, 2010 at 11:55 am

    @ Lucy – that is so sweet of you! I feel happy and like giving you a big hug that you will help our BarbinOz!!!! Thank you – and great questions!



  439.  #439Lizzie on September 11, 2010 at 11:55 am

    Barb in Oz – OOPS! I think I didn’t find your profile!! My most humblest of appoligies! there is no fancy dancing around this one, I think I looked at someone else and don’t have a view on your profile.

    I would be incredibly happy to help do up a new profile tonight with you.

    Please accept my appology.



  440.  #440Jacqueline on September 11, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    @ Lizzie….oh, well, I meant @ Lizzie, and it’s still very nice of you!! smile….have a great day, Lizzie!



  441.  #441Lizzie on September 11, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    Oh I am having fun creating my bucket list –

    A knitting tour of New Zeland
    To quiet my mind long enough to meditate
    To skinny dip at a midnight picnic
    Attend Burning Man
    Travel the Orient Express
    Hike the Yellow Mountains in China
    Bring my kids back to Asia
    Bike the Great Divide in 6 months
    Get a real love letter in the mail from my love
    Fall in love
    To ravish the man of my dreams – OFTEN

    What does that tell you about my personality??
    How would that sound on a dating site??



  442.  #442Jacqueline on September 11, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    It tells me you have already lived quite a life, Lizzie Darling….I was just complaining that my bucket list felt kind of complete and I needed to dream bigger!! Love the bike the great divide – skinny dipping should be easiest??? and might lead to falling in love which will lead to ravishment which might lead to Asia or knitting…..in New Zealand where you can quiet your mind????

    rofl….

    j



  443.  #443BarbinOz on September 11, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    Lizzie #427 , ha ha, I haven’t even put my name up and you are finding me young and beautiful, if only…….

    Lynn #434, Wow you really are younger and beautiful!! You look nothing like your age and have a fantastic figure!! I have thought the same about RSVP, you know if they pay for a stamp they may be a little more sincere. I have actually changed my location on POF last night to the UK so I can post in the UK forum (you can only post in the country you live in) I am sooo bored of the men of my age on there that I don’t really care if nobody contacts me, its not like I haven’t had any contacts but honestly some of these men wouldn’t even dare to approach you in real life, not like I have tickets on myself, but sheesh!! And the endless emails sometimes for weeks have really been getting me down, so it’s time for a change and a new profile on a new site with my new RR way of doing things 😀

    My profile on POF is Jaybee2010, wow that feels scary knowing you are all going to have a look at my profile and comment on it, please be gentle with me ladies LOL!!

    On a Rori DVD she suggests that you drop your age and then in the profile you say your real age and tell the readers that you did it to fall into a certain age category, I was thinking of doing that, what do you think?



  444.  #444BarbinOz on September 11, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    Jacqueline # 436, eeewwwww I don’t like that name SENIOR, not when I only feel 35 inside anyways LOL!!

    I will check it out in 20 years time, Gawd I hope I am not still single then !!!

    Lizzie # 441 love the last 3 on your bucket list, sigh……..oh to be in love once again……



  445.  #445Lucy on September 11, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    Hi Barb, I loved seeing your pof profile! It made me smile. My fav pic is the “Christmas 2009” one. Your “theme” is the same as mine, and I also put “Angelfish” and am also a Gemini! 🙂 I love most of what you wrote. The only thing that stood out as rubbing me the wrong way was that you started out with two paragraphs of what you DON’T want — kinda focusing on the negatives and disqualifiers. I would suggest making the third paragraph the first, and adding those first two near the end. What do you think?

    <3
    Lucy

    p.s. I am 48.



  446.  #446Whitney on September 11, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    Thanks soo Much! 🙂



  447.  #447Whitney on September 11, 2010 at 4:17 pm

    🙂



  448.  #448Lizzie on September 11, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    Hi Barb! OK Girl Siren! Lets start from the top –

    Your full body shot on the opening is fabulous
    Your 2008 face shot is stunning
    Get rid of the others and
    do a 2010 face shot just like your 2008 shot

    Now for content – did you see the list I suggested we begin with for writing in 427? Can you write some stuff down and post that here so I have something to work with please



  449.  #449Lizzie on September 11, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    Barb – I am working tonight – writing a report so I can pop in and out of here to work on your stuff. I feel best beginning with lists of stuff and a blank page. Then I will post it here for all the sirens to help edit and shape into something that really feels like the real you and that you feel proud to post. How does that sound to you?



  450.  #450BarbinOz on September 11, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    Thanks Lucy/Angelfish/Gemini for checking me out, duly noted about the negative vibes, hopefully this will be my best profile ever!!

    Lizzie, OK thinking thinking thinking……

    OK I did something not too many people do, in April 2009 I left my life (and kids and grandkids) in Australia, put my stuff in storage and went back to live in the UK for a year…….working and living over there – travelled a fair bit around the country on my own, all my family live there but I only stayed with them now and then, lived in the Lake District for 6 months, truly one of the most beautiful places in the world.

    I came back in April 2010 and now work for an airline since July, after 6 months I get cheap tickets and can go anywhere in the world for a fraction of the cost yipppeee!!!!! I do like to travel and visit interesting places and like museums and art galleries and shopping and having coffee in different places, I like hiking and getting outside.

    I like to have a nice home with nice things around me, I love my laptop 😀 watching DVD’s, LOVE R and B, putting on some chill out music, lighting some candles, sipping a cold glass of wine and just BEING…….

    A man……….

    I want to fall into love so hard that I can’t breathe, I want the “ring”, I want a man who PURSUES me relentlessly, I want a man who phones me just to hear my voice, who writes me beautiful love letters, who can’t wait to see me and gives me big hugs, who adores me, who thinks I am the perfect woman for him, a man who has a job, is able to be a MAN not a boy, a man taller than me so when I wear heels I still have to look up not down, an alpha male, somebody who is intelligent is very big for me and interesting and funny and attractive to me, a passionate kind of man because you know just because I am 57 doesn’t mean I don’t still want to have all night long passionate sex because I DO and sorry if this grosses out any young readers but believe me we are ALL still young inside 😀

    Barb



  451.  #451Lizzie on September 11, 2010 at 5:36 pm

    Ok – now, what would you do with a man? – besides awesome all night long sex

    and what is on your bucket list for the future



  452.  #452BarbinOz on September 11, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    Do?

    Go out for breakfast or brunch near the sea, dress up to the nines for dinner in a nice restaurant. Go for long walks, go window shopping, go to a country town for a drive and for the fruit market, visit a shop and buy some CD’s and listen to music, lie on the sofa watching DVD’s while he massages my feet (well I am a Goddess don’t cha know!!), cook a meal together, sit in the garden reading our own book or mag together, just to BE there for somebody and for somebody to BE there for me, I hate coming home to a cold, dark apartment, God now I am crying, I am sooooo freaking lonely……yes I have friends and family but GOD I want a man sooo bad in my life, but not sooooo bad it is just any old man……

    The future?

    Travel, fun, laughter, happiness, peace, joy, kindness, sharing, excitement, passion, LOVE LOVE LOVE……..and hearts and roses and kisses……I want it all, I DESERVE to have it, I have to believe I DESERVE this instead of being envious of people that do and thinking I am not going to get it…..



  453.  #453BarbinOz on September 11, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    And OH YES, I want a big sparkly, girly engagement ring with one single beautiful diamond, followed shortly after by a wedding ring and then an eternity ring, yes I want to be MARRIED and live happily ever after with my knight in shining armour 😀



  454.  #454Lizzie on September 11, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    Draft #1 – Calling all sirens!!!
    May I intrduce….drum roll please…… Barb in Oz!!!

    About me:

    Voluptuous and sensuous; I am all woman with wonderful space in my life for a terrific man to join me in what could be the most enjoyable phase of our lives.

    I feel the wanderlust and thoroughly enjoy the journey. I recently returned to Oz after a year in England living in the Lake District – truly one of the most beautiful places in the world. Imagine what we can do together – exploring different places, museums, art galleries, cafés and luscious pastries; or hiking a breathtaking trail along the ocean side…ahh the possibilities are endless!

    I take delight in creating a welcoming home for friends and family to visit and share delicious food, interesting stories of their lives and dreams for what lies ahead.

    About you:

    Tall – because I like to wear heals
    Interesting – because we need to have something to talk about eventually
    Fun- because that is what life is all about
    Masculine – YES!!!

    What we will do together:

    Wander the world and find the hidden treasures – there is so much to explore
    Play – no explanation needed….I hope
    Prepare food together – treat each other!
    Movies
    Jazz and R&B clubs
    Hiking and outdoor activities



  455.  #455Daria on September 11, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    wow! lovely!

    “heels” not heals ^ just in case



  456.  #456Lizzie on September 11, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    oh gad what a freudian typo!



  457.  #457Daria on September 11, 2010 at 6:18 pm

    BarbinOz – I agree wiht lizzie on keeping the body and 2008 face shot (wow!!) and taking another new face shot like that.

    omg. you’re not gonna know what to do with the responses.



  458.  #458Daria on September 11, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    you look so beautiful!!



  459.  #459Daria on September 11, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    wow MelbaLynne! you look very beautiful too!

    and you have awesome poses.

    i want to learn to pose for the camera… sigh.. i feel sad that i don’t know how… babysteps…



  460.  #460BarbinOz on September 11, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    Lizzie I LOVE it, though not sure about the word voluptuous as I think that makes me feel well…… overweight and I’m not I just have big boobs LOL!!

    Thank you SOOO much for this and I did notice the work heals and wondered about that myself, is this like a healing thing for ME??

    Daria thanks so much for the compliments, see us old girls can still have it LOL!! 😀

    I will have to get my camera out and learn how to use the self timer on it and take some decent shots, I really hate having my pic taken but needs must!!!



  461.  #461BarbinOz on September 11, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    word not work……



  462.  #462Lizzie on September 11, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    Hi Barb – I have made a few tiny edits-
    Here is version #2! And I am so glad you like you!

    About me:

    Sensuous and all woman, I have wonderful space in my life for a terrific man to join me in what could be the most enjoyable phase of our lives.

    I feel the wanderlust and thoroughly enjoy the journey. I recently returned to Oz after a year in England living in the Lake District – truly one of the most beautiful places in the world. Imagine what we can do together – exploring different places, museums, art galleries, cafés and luscious pastries; or hiking a breathtaking trail along the ocean side…ahh the possibilities are endless!

    I take delight in creating a welcoming home for friends and family to visit and share delicious food, interesting stories of their lives and dreams for what lies ahead.

    About you:

    Tall – because I like to wear heels
    Interesting – because we need to have something to talk about eventually
    Fun- because that is what life is all about
    Masculine – YES!!! I appreciate my man to be himself

    What we will do together:

    Wander the world and find the hidden treasures – there is so much to explore
    Play – no explanation needed….I hope
    Prepare food together – treat each other!
    Movies
    Jazz and R&B clubs
    Hiking and outdoor activities
    Be ALIVE!



  463.  #463Lizzie on September 11, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    Any more feedback from the lurkers here????



  464.  #464Lizzie on September 11, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    Barb – I have never felt loved so I don’t know what I am missing – right now I feel the angst of your voice. I hope this helps the baby step for you to achieve your dream. Maybe one day I will have loved and felt loved with the passion you express.



  465.  #465Daria on September 11, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    BarbinOz – what about going to a professional photographer – rori recommends taking professional glamour shots for our profiles… why not show our best honey on our honey-bee-catcher-page



  466.  #466BarbinOz on September 11, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    OK ladies off to work at the airport, it will be quieter later so will check in on my beloved laptop 😀

    I am going to practise today the 5 second eye contact thing which I find SCARY as all hell LOL!!

    byyyyeeeee for now



  467.  #467Lizzie on September 11, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    Loving hugs from the other side of the globe – Canada! I am going to have wine and then toddle off to sleep….



  468.  #468Brenda on September 12, 2010 at 4:47 am

    Here’s a nice quote:

    “Well done is better than well said.”



  469.  #469BarbinOz on September 12, 2010 at 4:51 am

    Lizzie, I am sooo sorry you have never been loved, you DESERVE to be loved as does every woman (and man of course), thank you sooo much for what you have done for me, sorry but I couldn’t get an Internet connection at the airport 🙁

    Daria, to be honest I can’t afford professional pics and I don’t really like “glamour” shots if you know what I mean, I don’t want somebody expecting some sex goddess airbrushed perfect person turn up then they see me on a date LOL!! BUT I will work on taking some decent photos of myself….I might leave one outdoorsy type pic out to show that I have different sides if you know what I mean……



  470.  #470BarbinOz on September 12, 2010 at 4:56 am

    Can I use the word “juicy” in my profile, I do love that word that RR seems to use a fair bit…..:D



  471.  #471BarbinOz on September 12, 2010 at 5:49 am

    OK I have tweaked it just a little, I have put this up FOR NOW on POF, cos thats the dating site I am joined up on, and as I told you I now have my location as the UK so this is just a dummy run……feedback more than welcome:

    Intent Jaybee2010 is actively seeking a relationship.
    Relationship History The longest relationship Jaybee2010 has been in was over 10 years long.
    InterestsRnB Soul music Motown
    Walking Gym Reading
    Internet Family Happiness
    Generosity of Spirit Random acts of kindness Spirituality
    Travel Good Conversation Shared Laughter
    Jewellery Making

    _./’\._ ¸¸.•¤**¤•.¸.•¤**¤•………/’\._
    *•. .•* Welcome to my place *•. .•*
    /.•*•.\ ¸..•¤**¤•., ¸..•¤**¤•../.•***

    About me:

    Sensuous and all woman, I have wonderful space in my life for a terrific man to join me in what could be the most enjoyable phase of our lives.

    I feel the wanderlust and thoroughly enjoy the journey. I recently returned to Oz after a year in England living in the Lake District – truly one of the most beautiful places in the world. Imagine what we can do together – exploring different places, museums, art galleries, cafés and luscious pastries; or hiking a breathtaking trail along the ocean front…..ahh the possibilities are endless!

    I take delight in creating a welcoming home for friends and family to visit and share delicious food, interesting stories of their lives and dreams for what lies ahead. A nice glass of red, some chill out music and good vibes.

    About you:

    Tall – because I like to wear heels
    Intelligent and Interesting – because we need to have something to talk about eventually
    Fun – because that is what life is all about
    Masculine – YES!!! I appreciate my man to be himself

    What we will do together:

    Wander the world and find the hidden treasures – there is so much to explore
    Play – no explanation needed…………..I hope
    Prepare food together – treat each other!
    Movies out and DVD’s in
    Jazz and R&B clubs
    Hiking and outdoor activities

    To be VIBRANT and ALIVE and lets luxuriate in the juiciness of LIFE and LOVE 🙂



  472.  #472Lizzie on September 12, 2010 at 6:06 am

    I love it Barb! give it a go.



  473.  #473BarbinOz on September 12, 2010 at 6:12 am

    I did Lizzie, but only on POF where as I said I am “living” in the UK so I can post on the forum……..I am SERIOUSLY going to do this over the next week on a more worthwhile dating site……..and like RR said today on the DVD, you don’t really want to do this (no I don’t :D) but you have to, if you want this to work……which I DO LOL!!

    Barb 🙂



  474.  #474BarbinOz on September 12, 2010 at 6:20 am

    I FEEL so safe and cozy being on a dating site but not really living where I say I do…….mmmm………like I am kinda hidden and not really putting myself out there like some kind of cattle market……….mooooooo