Have Sex With One Man While You’re Dating Other Men?

Untitled design (14)

This idea is so triggering – sex at all is always triggering, but sex when you’re not “exclusive” (in a “dating” sense) with the man is especially triggering:

“Rori, I came upon your ebook – (which I purchased) just after starting dating again. It just so happens, I did have sex with the one man I find most appealing – before I read your book. While I don’t intend to have sex with others I’m dating, I do want to continue circular dating to find Mr. Right as your ‘Targeting Mr. Right” teaches, but I could use your input on this one subject now:  How to be having intimacy with one man, while dating others, … with the goal of finding the right one to marry?”

Sex is a loaded issue.

The moment we allow a man to touch us (and notice I say allow him to touch us — because when we touch a man, it’s a very different experience than allowing him to touch us) — we open up our hearts in a way that creates a triggering reaction in our subconscious.

What does this look like?

All of a sudden all our circuits start firing in our brain. And the circuits all throw words into our brains, words like “love,” like “forever,” like “commitment,” like “he’s the one,”and pictures show up in our brains. Pictures of wedding gowns. Pictures of wandering through the woods together hand-in-hand.

And then those words and pictures create even more subconscious reactions. Reactions of fear, of danger, of shutdown.

And so the moment a man touches us, a war begins inside us. War between the feeling of forever after, and the feeling of I must protect myself.

So what do we do?

Usually – this is our strategy: In order to somehow tune out this war going on inside us, we feel pressure and need to up the ante of the chemistry!

In other words, the man who creates the most chemistry inside us gets us to open up our hearts the most, because the chemistry overrides the war in our brains.

So if we go so far as to not only allow a man to touch us, but to enter our bodies with his body in full-on sex– the only thing our bodies and brains can do with the war going on inside ourselves is to jump back and forth. To jump back and forth between the imagining and the fabulous feeling of forever love, and the tightening, restricting, closed off feeling of I must protect myself.

So we close down around the man we’ve allowed into our bodies in a whole number of ways.

We bounce from a feeling of peacefulness, resting in the chemistry of it all and in a momentary landing on the forever side of the war — only to bounce into the scared, I must protect myself part. And any small, tiny, irrelevant, nothing sort of thing can trigger either one of these feelings!

So while we’re attempting to balance and juggle these things: This inner war, the chemistry, and the part of us that’s actually SANE (the part of us that’s simply drawing from our experience of the man and being in the presence of the man to make a reasonable, intelligent decision from moment-to-moment about whether or not we actually want to continue to BE with this man in any way, even just in our imaginations) — if we were to try to date other men as well, to allow other men to touch our bodies as well (perhaps just a kiss or a touch) it could make us feel like we’re crazy.

And that’s why Circular Dating is so important.

It’s a practice.

Circular Dating makes it possible for you to practice at first dating a lot of men at the same time, then allowing a lot of men to touch you emotionally and physically, and then perhaps to allow a man all the way into your body sexually, without ever zeroing in on any one man as a “forever” man.

You just have to take this baby step-by-baby-step.

* You have to be able to separate sex from “forever.”

* You have to be able to discover what feels good to you and what doesn’t.

* You have to discover what of your old beliefs about yourself and about the world that are not working for you can be adjusted — and which ones cannot be adjusted. At least not so quickly. You need to practice up ending your beliefs step-by-step!

And this may mean experimenting. Experimenting sleeping with one man and seeing how that goes.

* Seeing how your belief system reacts.

* Seeing if you start feeling unhinged and “insane,” or powerful and peaceful.

* Seeing what happens to the war inside you.

* See what chemistry actually truly means to you.

The goal here is to not be RUN by anything! Not by your subconscious war, and not by chemistry. And not by your old beliefs either — even if they’re ones that come easily conscious to you.

You are you. You are not the creation of a bunch of thoughts. You are not the creation of a bunch of experiences either.

And yet, by experimenting with a bunch of thoughts, and a bunch of experiences, you can discover who you are.

* You can discover what works for you.

* You can learn to stop judging your self, and believe yourself to be a work in progress like every other human being on the planet.

* You can begin to honor yourself with this space to try new things.

* You can begin to trust your own good judgment about what and what does not serve.

* You can begin to trust that you will make decisions in the moment and choices in the moment about what to do and say and not do and say that will create experiences that feel good and help you toward what you want!

And if what you want is happy ever after — and that’s what I want for you — then experimenting with having sex with one man (actually having a lover) –without restricting your option to go out with, spend time with, and get to know other men who may want your “forever,” too — would be an amazing thing.

This is all just an idea. The goal is to find what works for you. And to start feeling so good about the path you’re on and the way you’re walking down that path that you just start to radiate the star quality of who you are 100% of the time.

Love, Rori

Posted in


  1.  #1AmberS on December 16, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    I claim this post for SLV

  2.  #2Daria on December 16, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    OMG rori yes! I see how it’s different when I Allow him to touch me… OMG OMG

  3.  #3Daria on December 16, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    Fuc*kin awesome post

  4.  #4Daria on December 16, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    Stunned … Thru touch my heart when they touch me

    I discovered I feel disrespected when a guy kisses my neck it shoulders or my body before having kissed me on the lips!

  5.  #5Rosa on December 16, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    This is an idea, a powerful thoughtful idea , suggesting that following the sexual chemistry is our default way of overriding the inner war between wanting and fear .

    My conflict is definitely triggered by touch and a mans physical approach.

    It sounds like “should I allow more or less? I want this to work out for us . I dont want to ruin anything by the wrong move. if i have sex now , he’ll likely move on. If I dont have sex he will probably think I am cold or uninterested and move on. “It feels BAD and the easy way out is to feel GOOD in the body , sex shuts up those nasty voices a while.” OK lets do it. ” Then later the tears… sigh.

    I can see that I did just that last week with G-man .
    The conflict in me was so great between wanting forever and FEAR of more hurt , and being sick and weak at the time , I allowed the sex to override the voices …and what i got was INTENSE PAIN AND EMPTINESS.

    Having had another week of physical recovery , I can step back and observe the process better (and stop beating myself up ) and see it as a process.

    I also note that although I am not well enough yet to be dating as such , my Cding with first ever BF who is now good buddy , and phone calls from male friends have helped be a buffer. I have thrown it off so much faster .

    I believe that a woman can feel SAFE with a man if she knows that there are many routes to Happy Forever and this man in front of her is only one road to be explored. Whether or not she has sex , if she has a map in front of her with many different alternate ways to chose from , she will be alright , she will be safe, and all the richer for the journey.

    Having many men to date and explore with is a sure way to increase feelings of confidence and self esteem , and end clingy neediness too. I really understand that.

    These CD’s are our safety zone..got it …aha !!!

  6.  #6Rosa on December 16, 2010 at 4:42 pm

    I will add that I forged the connection between sex and forever years ago now with G-man and that is precisely WHY he has been around doing this sort of thing for years …

    I recognise circular dating as a powerful tool to make sex NOT equate with subconscious forever thinking , and I am wondering if Sirens have any other ideas or tools to use that will reinforce this ?

    I will think up an NLP tool for myself ..hmmmm…

  7.  #7Lorelei on December 16, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    Hi Rosa – I posted @297 on the recent “chemistry” post – more about bittersweetness. It’s an idea about the lotus flower having its roots in the mud – the joy and sweetness having their roots in the pain and loss . . the mud nourishes the flowering. It’s something i feel happening in myself at the moment, but thought of you as well.

    Have to go to bed now. Is it morning there already?

  8.  #8Lorelei on December 16, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    OOH, and this post is for me! But I will read it tomorrow. Nite, everyone.

  9.  #9Rosa on December 16, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    Experimenting with triggers and responses

    I AM NOT AN AMOEBA (note to self)

    So he wants “girl friend for now” , “friends with benefits” , “see where it goes , sex meanwhile” …
    normal guy statements and desires..


    (” interesting ” says observer voice..)

    because my unconscious mind is going with the home and hearth, security , care , integrity , commitment loops …aha ..

    I feel FEAR ..”he’ll only hurt me ”
    I feel ANGER ..”how dare he not see me as good enough for forever material!”
    I feel SADNESS “I am unlovable”

    Observer voice says

    “Hey wow, look at those loops spin!!!! Emotional circuits going blah blah blah …fear anger sadness..blah blah ..and a bit of guilt now too..”

    Observer voice says

    ” Cool , look at how being touched , being approached for sex , being LOOKED AT by a man turns on all those thinking loops too ..”what do i do next”, “what should I say” blah blah blah ….”

    Observer voice says

    ” Hey Honey , slow down ..it was only a kiss ..he only looked at you ..THERE IS NO WAR …stop , breathe…calm..observe those circuits flaring all over your brain girl..

    YOU ARE NOT AN AMOEBA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    An amoeba is a unicellular organism with no brain that LEARNS by simple reflexes to avoid noxious stimuli and recognise food sources… It runs on a simple nerve connection and stimulus response system .

    YOU ARE NOT AN AMOEBA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    So turn off the sirens , breathe calm and just let it BE ..”

    THANK YOU observer voice all of me feels better now
    I am glad I am so much more than an amoeba !!!!!!!!

  10.  #10Luzydel on December 16, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    I have learned that I let my hormones control me, so now I will CD and CD with no intention of having sex. Sex clouds my mind and confuse me. Until I learn how to discern the difference between Lust and emotions, I am better of with just kissing and touching; and I feel less pressure that way.

  11.  #11Rosa on December 16, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    Lorelei thank you that is a lovely lotus metaphor..

    This actually triggered a memory in me ..sorry its a little gross..years ago shortly after first “round” with G-man i had a dream about him ..he was actually Sh*tting in the dream…uuugghhhh…my unconscious mind was spot on!!!!!! He was full of so much sh*t!!!!!!

    I am now grateful to know that all that MAN-ure is fertlizing my gorgeous unfurling petals , the source of my new energy..the lotus being the chakra symbol. Its rather a beautiful growth symbol..

  12.  #12Jeannette on December 16, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    Girls, I feel rather sad tonight. I got a Christmas card from a boyfriend of two years. We broke up a year ago. The caption on the card read,”To My Dear Friend” Then it went on to say on the inside, “The good times we’ve shared and the special ways you’ve cared are among my warmest memories.”(written by the card’s author). Then he personally wrote, I wish you and your family a Blessed Christmas. Enjoy your new grandchildren. I know they are precious. With love, Marvin How would you take that? Why did he have a chose a card that said, To my dear friend? Would that make you sad? How should I interpret it? He lives long distance from me. He broke up with me a year ago. He said it was the distance. Should I respond in a e-mail or just let it go?

  13.  #13Simply Shannon on December 16, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    How about I experiment with falling in love first without having sex? Now there’s something I don’t hear every day. I’ve never actually done it that way before.

    I believe once I get it in my brain that sex is not a step on the road to forever, then sex with men will become a much lower priority. I still have needs and desires but my sexuality won’t be running the show.

    I’ve already experimented enough with sex. For now I feel open to experimenting with no sex. See how I can build a connection without sex.

    And there’s my lovely little fear again. Worried that a man will walk away without it. And my other lovely little fear worried that sex will suck if I don’t find out before I get married.

    I love you both. Truly. But that’s bullshit. We’re cool. I swear. I will take care of you both. We’re no longer in the business of consuming cowpie. Kapeesh? I got this. We’re gonna ride this little bit of sunshine all the way to the altar.

    Hi fear. Yes I hear you. Can I love on you a little? We’re really okay. I promise. It’s just sex.

    We’re gonna experiment. See what happens. I feel open to changing my mind about this if things start feeling bad. We’re cool either way.

    Yes I promise.

  14.  #14Jeannette on December 16, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    Girls, could you tell me your opinion on # 12?

  15.  #15Senior Lady Vibe on December 16, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    @1: AmberS says:
    “I claim this post for SLV…”

    Thanks, Amber. I have a vision of you climbing up the mountainside and planting a flag at the top of the peak. A siren flag, or maybe you’re claiming it for THE RED QUEEN. 😀

    I’d go read the post now but I forgot to eat dinner so maybe I should do that first. BBL


  16.  #16Jeannette on December 16, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    Okay, I give up girls….have a good night!

  17.  #17Lucy on December 16, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    Jeannette, I’m sorry you feel sad about the card. It sounds like you still wish things could work out with him. If it were me, I would follow whatever my heart/intuition was telling me about whether to respond or let it go. What’s happening with the man you are engaged to?


  18.  #18Lucy on December 16, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    Shannon, thank you so much for writing that.

    “For now I feel open to experimenting with no sex. See how I can build a connection without sex.”

    Me too.

    “We’re gonna experiment. See what happens. I feel open to changing my mind about this if things start feeling bad. We’re cool either way.”

    Me too.


  19.  #19Meemee on December 16, 2010 at 10:06 pm

    I feel bright this morning.
    I wonder whether I am attracting men who are messed up in themselves!!
    Chocolate called me late last night to tell me about some mistake he did at work, asking my opinion how to solve it. It was something concerning the entire project, so I gave my opinion and hung up. He called me again and started talking to me about many things. He asked me why I am quitting the job and started telling me about some recent crisis in his life. I felt weird talking to some one so late so I said good night and hung up again.
    He called me a third time and asked me whether I want to join him for a coffee today. I said I would like to. He said he will call me and fix a meeting.
    This morning he called me up again and I am in office. He talks about a lot of things, his problems, random things, what he wants in life, then asks me some personal question and then asks me “are you sure you want to listen to me” and then thanks me and blah blah
    I really feel I am attracting men who needs a self-sort-out!!!

  20.  #20Daria on December 16, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    Simply Shannon – I’ve been in love without sex!

    I’m in love right now with 19 man and we’ve only met twice and haven’t even kissed!

    and i was in love with Security man before we had sex too

  21.  #21Katnina on December 16, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    I love this post! I am slowly feeling more and more comfortable with the idea of having sexual exclusivity with a man while dating others.
    I used to feel really judgmental about this idea. But i am slowly accepting it as much safer for me than being a ‘girlfriend for now’ and closing myself off to other possibilities.

    I have two dates this weekend-1st date with taxi guy (met him sharing a cab) on friday night and 2nd date with Michigan guy on Saturday night.

  22.  #22Rosa on December 16, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    Hi Jeanette ,
    I dont know your story but I will comment as an observer.
    Men tend to be black and white and are not given to hinting and hidden meanings and mind reads quite as much as we gals can be.

    I therefore think the card is to be read at face value.
    He cares about you as a friend and has warm memories.

    There is no mention, hint , suggestion or possible misreading that he regrets the loss or wants anything else with you.

    If you respond it would be best if this was from the same place of acceptance of friends status. If that is not what you feel i would not respond , as he broke up with you!

    I also think men generally believe that time will change our feelings into friendship and so they can still have our approval if they approach some time later. In my experience they seem to think that if we were attached to them , that it will wear off with time and then they can have the friendship (and possibly even some benefits thrown in) without the challenge of a real committed relationship .

    This is my own current view. It may not be true for you and him of course.

  23.  #23Rosa on December 16, 2010 at 11:57 pm

    Hi Meemee,

    I wonder what Chocolate man would do if you did not give much attention while he was moaning and unloading but smiled and responded when he was light hearted or happy?

  24.  #24Daria on December 17, 2010 at 1:02 am

    I love EFT. I am doing EFT now.

    I am gonna do Donna Eden stuff too.

    I am a new happy healthy belief creating being

  25.  #25Ella on December 17, 2010 at 1:48 am


    As Lucy says it all depends on whether you have feelings for this man?

    If you have romantic feelings you could get in touch to say thank you for the card.

    It may not lead anywhere.

    Who knows why he chose a card saying that. Maybe he is with someone knew, maybe he feels ‘friend’ towards you, maybe not.

    A would possibly feel sad recieving that kind of card from an ex however no point trying to second guess why he chose that one.

    Maybe there is some work for you here with your feelings being triggered?

    Hope you feel better soon.

  26.  #26Ella on December 17, 2010 at 1:53 am

    SS re 13 – 🙂

  27.  #27Daria on December 17, 2010 at 1:57 am

    I did some belief change EFT and i felt “different”

    like blink blink

    I feel … mm… more better?

  28.  #28Daria on December 17, 2010 at 2:35 am

    now i did my chi gung neutral posture
    love me

  29.  #29Jeannette on December 17, 2010 at 2:42 am

    Thank you girls. Lucy I am still engaged to another man who is so sweet. But having a future with him is iffy. He makes little in disability and has serious health issues. I am a older woman and still would like a little more security…..yet, I do love Steve….it’s just a big mess really!!! Happy holidays!!!!

  30.  #30Daria on December 17, 2010 at 2:50 am

    And I did t tapp Primary back stretch.

    My shoulders felt much better after the chi hung pose.

    They are still poppin when rolled u know it’s the computer sitting w no moving.

    I like moving now!

    And my knees feel better since no more clutch driving.

  31.  #31Daria on December 17, 2010 at 3:05 am

    I had a really nice day w my mom she was real nice abs loving and even w my dad. No putdowns! My family is healing… I’m healing

    I’m enjoying my eft and my healing exercises… Went to tutor and to a focus group w moms help, asked two men forchelp first and felt not much guilty much less than before. I am worthy.

    Told neck kissing guy I want to be kissed! Not on neck.

    He seemed defensive weird but I in such a good mood then didnt really register that… was just sharing from me.

    My Abe intention of what to see was

    Fun. Surrounded by love. In rhythmic movements.

    Yay for a long day that was fun no stress!

    Giving check over to mom if she wants it

    Got toasted seaweed snack.

    Listened to Donna Eden interview and learned new moves.

    Ohhhhh. This was cool

    I dud eft on an issue involving my grandma and she came to me in a white light… I now know I’ve seen her before.. The white light came in my consciousness stronger and that’s what she was wearing . She helped me heal I felt lived and comforted.

  32.  #32Daria on December 17, 2010 at 3:17 am

    Monday night is solstice… I go into winter as the nights get shorter

    Christmas is soon


    New calendar when? Thursday after that. 2 7-day weeks


    Wow. Feeling the celestial night turn above.

    Beauty stars close to me for comfort.
    The night still grows till Monday. The moon is half full
    It will be gibbeous Monday.

    TwO weeks it grows, two weeks it wanes.

    Like the night. Two seasons it grows… Summer and fall… Two seasons it wanes… Winter and spring .

    Maybe it will be full by Monday. I wOnder.

  33.  #33Daria on December 17, 2010 at 3:25 am

    Yup. And nope.

    Solstice is Tuesday so is full moon. Full moon on the longest nights.

    Christmas is Saturday then.

    And new Calendar party Thursday nite to Friday.

    They called to go to the park on the solstice day. Andvthe night before I have drinking talk.

    I love

  34.  #34AmberS on December 17, 2010 at 4:59 am


    I have a work membership to mobile me, so I have backup capabilities there. I have an @pple time capsule here as well – provided by them for my home use. Since it’s @pple I tend to forget it exists. SNARK. I also have a TB backup here for personal use- but it’s really just holding music files at this point. Everything I was proud of when I created is very far out of date and gathering dust on dvd or *cough* zip disk. Yeah. Kinda sad.

    I don’t do much worthy of backing up nowadays but when I do I break it down and upload it to one of my gmail accounts. I know it’s ham-fisted, but then I have access anywhere, anytime and it’s FREEEEEEE.

  35.  #35AmberS on December 17, 2010 at 5:07 am


    What happened with Library man? If it were me, I would probably have chased him away with my bluntness by now, so this is not advice.

    I would have just stopped walking and when he figured it out and came back I would have said (in my tactless way) STOP. I hear that you’re unhappy about XYZ, but I’m walking to get a coffee and I do this because I enjoy it. So lets talk about something happy now. What was the very best thing that happened to you this month?

    And I would GRIN.

    And if he didn’t run away I’d probably have a friend for life, maybe something more, but at the very least he’d know that 1) I have no tact and 2) He’ll have to pay attention to what he’s saying or he’ll get reminded.

    In fairness, I do this to myself in social settings all of the time. When I catch myself being boring, and my subjects of choice are considered that by many people, I say out loud “I’m being boring, let’s talk about something else” and usually that hits the reset button.

  36.  #36AmberS on December 17, 2010 at 5:13 am

    I have owned this pair of jeans for at least 3 years. I just found this printed on the inside of the pocket:

    Be prepared for some sweet flirtation.
    Your lucky color is rose.
    Your lucky day is today!

    Hot Dog! That is so nice to read on my way out the door 🙂

  37.  #37Femininewoman on December 17, 2010 at 6:32 am

    Re #12 Jeannnette Recently on another post someone said a man sent her an email that she wanted to call him about. Another Siren suggested if he wanted to talk would he email? You might wish to consider that question in evaluating how you should respond to the card. Yesterday I had an text invitation to a party after 2 months of silence. I wanted to text back how I felt about it and say thanks but when I remembered that question I just said thanks. I have decided I will not call to follow up or confirm to see if he will close to the date to check if I am going. My intention is to build uncertainty and mystery but not actually accepting or confirming I will be there.

    I am sorry you are sad about the card but remember to give up control as men do what they want to do. Some of them are really sensitive also so he might be sad himself thinking about how things might have been different. Remember it is just a card.

  38.  #38Mercedes on December 17, 2010 at 6:47 am

    I love this part Rori:

    And yet, by experimenting with a bunch of thoughts, and a bunch of experiences, you can discover who you are.

    * You can discover what works for you.

    * You can learn to stop judging your self, and believe yourself to be a work in progress like every other human being on the planet.

    * You can begin to honor yourself with this space to try new things.

    * You can begin to trust your own good judgment about what and what does not serve.

    * You can begin to trust that you will make decisions in the moment and choices in the moment about what to do and say and not do and say that will create experiences that feel good and help you toward what you want!

    Very well said. Trusting ourselves and getting to know ourselves…for me, it took some time and I’m still not always good at the trust and non judging part. I’m a work in progress. 🙂 Probably always will be.

    Much Love,

  39.  #39Mercedes on December 17, 2010 at 6:55 am

    Jeannnette: Maybe you won’t be so sad if you can realize you touched this man in some wonderful way in your past with him. You must have…or you wouldn’t be on his Christmas card list. He thinks of you as a dear friend (I agree with the others…the card uses the word “friend” and so that’s how he feels about it)…and you heard from him…which means he did think of you and that’s a cool thing.

    I think anytime we touch someone in such a way that even after they are no longer a part of our daily lives, they still can’t help but think of us sometimes…well…that’s a really, really good thing. It means we are making an impression on the world…one person at a time.

    Please try to allow this card to make you smile. You created happy memories with someone. That’s a cool thing.

    And…if it were me, I wouldn’t respond. But I get lots of Christmas cards from friends…and I don’t respond to them either, so I wouldn’t feel any different about this one.

    Much Love,

  40.  #40Femininewoman on December 17, 2010 at 7:03 am

    Re 39 Well said Mercedes

  41.  #41Brenda on December 17, 2010 at 7:06 am


    RE: #12 – How nice! If I were you, I would respond with a Christmas card.

    Is he someone you want to rekindle the flame with?

  42.  #42Brenda on December 17, 2010 at 7:13 am


    RE: #36 – That’s awesome!

  43.  #43Brenda on December 17, 2010 at 8:42 am


    Why did you feel sad when you received the Christmas card?

  44.  #44Senior Lady Vibe on December 17, 2010 at 8:52 am


    This is not my work. I wish it were; I came across the drawings a few minutes ago while looking for something else. Ah, serendipity. 😀

    Have fun using your Derwink pencils. I think these were made with dry pencil but they are lovely.

    I love the look in eyes of the border collie.

    Pencil Portraits using Prismacolor Colored Pencil


  45.  #45Lorelei on December 17, 2010 at 8:53 am

    Rosa @ 11 –

    “MAN-ure” – so funny, and so true!

  46.  #46Senior Lady Vibe on December 17, 2010 at 9:15 am

    Thanks for input; I’ll be working out of home office in 2011. I need new back up routine with auto b/u and prefer replication of hierarchies without encryption. Yeah, I like control and being able to audit whenever… 😆 However, still sorting out and rebuilding hard drives after massive data and s/w wipeout and recently my Seagate auto b/u software has failed me. Seeking new routine. So…adding to my neverending “to do” list.

    Like you, I send some notes to gmail. Ha! And that afterthought saved me on my project requiring code accessing other servers. So happy!

    Re: Library Man, I think he’ll make good CD practice and I appreciate good message wording I’ve received from you and Ella.


  47.  #47Simply Shannon on December 17, 2010 at 9:19 am

    Daria!! Thank you re post #20! “I’ve been in love without sex!” I have to admit I feel surprised. Not a judgment, just surprised since I know you feel more open about sex than I do (at least nowadays). What is that like for you? You still want him sexually yes? But feel okay without it? Curious!

    I wanna experiment with this. I want to know how long I can wait. I want to know what happens when I DON’T have sex. I want to KNOW I love a man and he loves me BEFORE we have sex. I believe this is possible.

    I don’t want to torment or sacrifice myself. I just believe that sex is more meaningful and more powerful than I’ve ever given it credit.

    Wow. I feel turned on. Hehe. I hope my date can handle the vibes that are gonna be rolling off of me tonight. 😉

  48.  #48Senior Lady Vibe on December 17, 2010 at 9:41 am

    I decided I would go ahead and do my “calendar tool” this weekend so I’m now online @ B&N looking. I’m very surprised to see SERPS return 7,486! How could this be? ❓

    I have in mind B&W/sepia photos of Parisian architecture and/or Impressionist/Post-Impressionist portraits.

    How close do you think I will get to this?


  49.  #49Daria on December 17, 2010 at 11:25 am

    Simply Shannon – it feels just like feeling all the fantasies and wanting and craving him ( sexually ).

    Except we never had sex.

    It feels like our hearts flew open and both of u’s live each other and have said so.

    It feels like when there was a disagreement and it seemed irrecuperable, my heart felt torn Torn! And I howled with pain and huge tears for a long time, until just in the middle of that wed talk and realize it is workable and then instantly felt better.

    It feels like being passionately in love like the sex has happened.

    But! It doesn’t mean anything!

    It doesn’t mean anything !

    Cuz what means something is building a real relationship overtime.

    Not necessarily flying your heart open.

    I almost always wait until I think the man is in love w me and lives me before sex… It’s not a hard thing to happen…

    I tried before without waiting… W dman man… And I didn’t like it… I felt sad and not good enough.

  50.  #50AmberS on December 17, 2010 at 11:58 am


    So here’s the deal-e-o.

    May daughter leaves for France at the end of January. Thus ends the last 21 years cycle of motherhood.

    My lease is up on my rental 1/31. Thus ends the last 12 month cycle.

    I’ve worked through the reasons I took this job (other than to support my daughter financially) and have transformed most of my relationships here. Thus ends the last 4 years cycle (in April).

    This ties to when I started dating Mr. Almost (the definition of that has changed drastically over the past two months). At that point I stopped seeking the things I needed to heal in my romantic partner and instead entered a job that mirrored my past entanglements energy wise. No sex, although not for lack of trying on the bosses part. No means no. That part was easy to heal. The other lessons took more time.

    I’ve been in NJ for 7 years and I’m DONE with it. I have loved and hated it, but I miss the sun, and I know now that I need to live where I am not enclosed by the weather.

    I’m getting ready to FLY AWAY.

    So I am selling/sorting/giving away EVERYTHING I OWN.

    And following the sun.

    So I’m in a period of EXTREME transition.

    And I’m being very mindful of where my energy goes and how I spend my time. If there isn’t anything for me to learn in a situation I am choosing to excuse myself (gracefully? not always!) and keep moving.

    Time is short.

    I am INCREDIBLY grateful to be sending my daughter off to live her life in this way, supported by Inner Bonding, yoga, Rori’s work, hypnotherapy and NLP. Did I forget anything- probably. I know it is taking EVERY tool in the toolbox to do this RIGHT and with INTEGRITY.

    And I miss Mr. Almost EVERY SINGLE DAY. And I know that I could “fix” things with him, if I reached out and made it happen. But what I want is my highest good. And my focus needs to be on my own healing and my own growth, and most importantly, sending my daughter out into the world in the most healthy, whole way possible.

    So I made a commitment to the Universe (who knows my highest good):

    I am going to stay present and stay here and in my body and deal with what is right in front of me.

    Sometimes this involves sobbing for an hour, or screaming at nothing, or working through the knots in my communications with my daughter.

    Mostly it involves a bottomless amount of GRATITUDE.

    Thank you, Universe, for all of your lessons. Thank you for your strength when I can’t find my own. Thank you for helping me continue to trust you.

    Thank you for the blog and the blessing it is in my life….

  51.  #51AmberS on December 17, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    Oh yeah- I told Dr. Fire-Snake that I didn’t want to see him anymore. He is looking for a Mrs. Dr. Fire-Snake.

    That ain’t me.

    He didn’t take it well. BUT I acted with integrity and honesty (as did he) and I knew that I was not the woman for him.

    And being involved with him on the fast-track had the added benefit of helping me see exactly where the comfort parameter is as far as being physical. Having him push against my NO on sex was *almost* fun. Except for the part where I was sobbing because I miss Mr. Almost. A clue to my mental state? Heh.


    I’m grateful for that, too.

  52.  #52Simply Shannon on December 17, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    Daria, I feel so happy I asked and that you responded! Wow. I see you so differently now. Yes, I want sex how you want sex. I thought we were on different planes about this. Wow. I feel blown away. Again not a judgment (why do I keep qualifying my words – probably because I judge me about sex). I just feel very surprised reading:

    I almost always wait until I think the man is in love w me and lives me before sex… It’s not a hard thing to happen…

    Woohoo! Ok, this feels good. I don’t believe I’ve ever done sex this way. I have had sex in pursuit of love, not the other way around.

    Oh wow. I feel excited! Thank you thank you thank you for sharing!

    I feel so happy!!!

    Ok, now I feel embarrassed that I feel so happy. Hehe. Me = Giddy. 🙂

  53.  #53Daria on December 17, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    Hi everyone!

    I am feeling good and stuff at the library… and also terrified of the people around me… i think i smell like ganja and i feel very afraid for my safety

    and im trying to direct my expanding mind away from what are these people thinking to what am I feeling… what will make me feel good… i am safe.. i am safe… even though i smell like marijuana i am safe

    they are not going to descend upon me and take me to jail

    i am safe

    i am safe

    i love myself

    ive committed an infraction

    woo hoo

    like not stopping at a stop sign

    i still feel terrified

    like i could be asked to leave

    but i cant right?


    i mean it could be my medical condition

    and i most certainly have a library card

    i feel afraid


    everyone can tell ive smoked marijuana

    and i feel afraid typing it

    i feel afraid of the people and this seems silly

    i stayed in the car with the man until forever

    lol i did not get out HIS car

    until he prompted it


    i feel good

    i kept trying to connect


    i felt scared

    im all like

    “i feel scared of you!”



    im realizing i could just be a lover and

    in love

    right now

    and high on marijuana

    nobody would give a fuck

    because im in love

    im in love in a love story movie




    all men act the same

    now This one

    wanted to kiss all over my body and not on my mouth too

    and im like

    its in my energy


    well anyways

    later im all

    “i dont feel good when a man kisses on my body and doesnt kiss me on the lips”


    all chill an shit

    like im discovering this

    which i was

    hes like i didnt know you wanted me to do that

    thats different

    and then hes like well its different

    im like hows it different

    so hes like i didnt want to do it without knowing you want me to do it

    im like

    come on

    you were suckin on my titties without knowing if i wanted to do it … that didnt stop you



    so hes like thats different

    so now im like to myself

    hmm ok it is different

    then i said

    i dont have sex hella fast

    and he sayd

    i dont either

    he mighta even said the whole phrase


    he is very sexy and he wants me now


    i was all scared that he was gonna trip now that i

    wasnt gonna give him no sex

    and then i got back into myself haha

    and i felt all like i was in a starbucks christmas movie commercial

    i was sooo feminine


    but in a good way

    not like in a certain voice way

    but just in

    expressing myself way


    i said i felt afraid of the poeople

    and even though i felt So Embarassed and Unworthy

    to stay in the car

    i didnt get out the car until i felt like getting out the car

    which was Hella long


    i felt sooo uncomfortable

    and i kept saying how i felt

    at different times

    and he was saying all the sexy things to say

    in a way that was super duper intriguing

    and im like


    this fine guy

    likes me

    and hes like trying to have sex with me


    and im like


    i can still love me

    even tho this man is so sexy

    so i had him drop me off at the library

    and now im at the library

  54.  #54Daria on December 17, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    Hi everyone!

    I am feeling good and stuff at the library… and also terrified of the people around me… i think i smell like ganja and i feel very afraid for my safety

    and im trying to direct my expanding mind away from what are these people thinking to what am I feeling… what will make me feel good… i am safe.. i am safe… even though i smell like marijuana i am safe

    they are not going to descend upon me and take me to jail

    i am safe

    i am safe

    i love myself

    ive committed an infraction

    woo hoo

    like not stopping at a stop sign

    i still feel terrified

    like i could be asked to leave

    but i cant right?


    i mean it could be my medical condition

    and i most certainly have a library card

    i feel afraid


    everyone can tell ive smoked marijuana

    and i feel afraid typing it

    i feel afraid of the people and this seems silly

    i stayed in the car with the man until forever

    lol i did not get out HIS car

    until he prompted it


    i feel good

    i kept trying to connect


    i felt scared

    im all like

    “i feel scared of you!”



    im realizing i could just be a lover and

    in love

    right now

    and high on marijuana

    nobody would give a fu*ck

    because im in love

    im in love in a love story movie




    all men act the same

    now This one

    wanted to kiss all over my body and not on my mouth too

    and im like

    its in my energy


    well anyways

    later im all

    “i dont feel good when a man kisses on my body and doesnt kiss me on the lips”


    all chill an shit

    like im discovering this

    which i was

    hes like i didnt know you wanted me to do that

    thats different

    and then hes like well its different

    im like hows it different

    so hes like i didnt want to do it without knowing you want me to do it

    im like

    come on

    you were suckin on my titties without knowing if i wanted to do it … that didnt stop you



    so hes like thats different

    so now im like to myself

    hmm ok it is different

    then i said

    i dont have sex hella fast

    and he sayd

    i dont either

    he mighta even said the whole phrase


    he is very sexy and he wants me now


    i was all scared that he was gonna trip now that i

    wasnt gonna give him no sex

    and then i got back into myself haha

    and i felt all like i was in a starbucks christmas movie commercial

    i was sooo feminine


    but in a good way

    not like in a certain voice way

    but just in

    expressing myself way


    i said i felt afraid of the poeople

    and even though i felt So Embarassed and Unworthy

    to stay in the car

    i didnt get out the car until i felt like getting out the car

    which was Hella long


    i felt sooo uncomfortable

    and i kept saying how i felt

    at different times

    and he was saying all the sexy things to say

    in a way that was super duper intriguing

    and im like


    this fine guy

    likes me

    and hes like trying to have sex with me


    and im like


    i can still love me

    even tho this man is so sexy

    so i had him drop me off at the library

    and now im at the library

  55.  #55Daria on December 17, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    I am so embarassed of the other patrons.

    I am in my own world

    im allowed to be in my own world right?

    i give myself permission to be in my own world




    i dont need to yell

    to give myself permission

    it just happens

    cuz i said so

    cuz im asking myself for permission

    i am standing up straighter and straighter as i say that

    writing is like my energy pour right now

    i am a writer

    i am so cool

    i am a writer

    everyone can see how im writing without stopping

    they probably think im doing a paper or something


    but im doing a blog post!

    yes a blog post

    i am just writing about nothing – in particular

    about myself and i am writing about what i want tto talk about just becuase i am writing about me right now and i smell like marijuana and it smells like cofferr and i wish i wasnt so scared theyregona take me to jail and that feels like melting

    i have some going to jail truama

    i smell like marijuana

    this guy just took the chair from next to me

    everyone is judging me

    everyone i s judging me

    they are judging weither to take me to jail

    if eel soscared
    i could write a novel

    i live real live in my head


    it really happpend tho

    like a total james bond movie

    its I

    JAmes Bond

    agent 00 8

    its me in a suit

    in my gray suti with my gold earrings

    i am so high

    i am deliriously flying to the sky because

    i was just with and i got a sexy ass guy

    attracted to me

    he is so sexy

    he is like johnny depp sexy


    ugh omg


    so sexy you guys

    and he wants me

    he wants ME

    that must make me important

    that must make me prom queen

    and i guess thats what i want





    discover cetneral

    i am just wrrtint

    for me

    for me i am writing for me

    i am writing for me i am writing for me



    and in everyones faces


    kapwo jaqueline

    hella writng for me


    ont he blog

    straight up


    in your face

    over and over

    over and over

    me emmemememememe


    and everyone is leaving

    they think im crazy

    they can probably smell the marijuana

    its like they know what im thinkinkg

    theyre like

    that girl is crazy

    they glrance at my computer screen

    they dont undrestand its genius


    hating bastards

    i hate them

    i hate them som much

    they dont know how to make riffing poems

    they think it s a waste of tmy time

    i called man out when he said something like that

    i was like

    what are you thrryint to say


    i am a writer

    my friend called me and i was like

    im at the library

    hes like what are you doing there

    im like im writing something

    im a writer

    im a writer!

    i write everyday


    ok all you haters people

    this is how i make my living

    or free


    see me im alive

    i write for free


    the free writer


    like the free ridah



    i am feeling goood

    bubble up

    im just gonna keep writing and writing

    for a few hours

    writing keeps me safe

    it keeps me busy looking sane

    when im grinninf from ear to ear

    in orgasmic ecstacy

    at the library

    and i

    dont knwo what to say anymore

    so my brain lands on superstar shooting boyfriend

    who just left me here

    after trying to have sex with me and truning me on

    and then smoking with me and dropping me off at the library i have an ideal life

    and now more boyfriends are calling me it would be cool if they pick me up from here

    “if i had it like that

    damn bak bends hurts

    i dont


    feels hopeless nad foolish

    but i GOT this ONE


    but he took like months to come see me and then he wanted to sex me


    but he wanted to sex me

    he can come sex me

    i will let him fall in love with me

    and so first he has to kiss me

    lets see what he does next

    he is sexy

    being with him is so comfy in that big ass car

    i feel somethign piercing my back like someones attention

    i feel drained like im stabbed

    i wantt to feel good

    i want to feel good!

    this is such good practice
    oput of this i can pul lout infinite p[oems

    this is a string of my mind

  56.  #56Daria on December 17, 2010 at 2:23 pm


    really this guy’s behaviors arent STELLAR

    but i just love a guy with not STELLAR behaviors to begin with, who then acts stellar because of my boundaries

    because it seems some men with less than stellar behaviors are more sincere and in touch with themselves

    and i like a man in touch with himself

    personal authority


    i must pick a man whos in touch with ME

    not just in touch with himself

    so anyway

    i think i pretty much got this

    i just tell them what i want

    i na clear non demanding way


    i dont like when men dont kiss me on the lips



    how to make guys fall in love

    teach them to kiss on the lips

    make it ok for them

    heal their lip kissing resistance


    how are they gonna fall in love Without kissing on the lips

    i guess kissing is the way to the heart

    but more away from the pubic area

    so its interesting

    its like top mating


    my face wants to mate with your face




    give it to me harder face of my lover

    like their tongoues are all sticking each other

    we all have similar mouths

    but not very smilar bottom parts

    he wanted to see what the inside of me felt like lol

  57.  #57Daria on December 17, 2010 at 2:28 pm


    i am feeling very triggered

    am i allowed to be into myself yes

    i swear i forgot exactly what i was talking about

    i still smell strongly like marijuana and im paranoid.

    i wonder if anyone will find this funny

    i can write my own blog

    i know my neighbors can hear my thoughts



    this feels scary and thrilling

    i can hear their thoughts too

    and yes

    they think im crazy

    and i feel scared

    and now i feel better

    im in love wtih a sexy guy too


    not really

    but yeah

    im ean

    i could be in love

    with him

    and im not gonna qualify anymore

    i was just ona date with a sexy man

    who wants me

    usually men who want me

    wind up wanting me forever

    and i love me

    and i feel excited

    that maybe stuff might be cool with this man

    and i caould have lots of awesome

    X X X

    what can i say

    i fele so scared right now that people next to me are reading what im writing

    hwo can i let go of this thought

    i just let go of ti now.

  58.  #58Daria on December 17, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    apparently i really want XXX

    i feel smily reading what i wrote above

    how can i love myself now

    how can i reassure myself that i am ok

    and that this people judging me thing i can feel good with?

    i love me

    and i am judging me

    and i love me still

    and i feel absolutely embarasssed

    inf romnt of myself

    its like showing up drunk at a job interview

    but who cares who cares?

    i care

    i care

    cuz i feel unsafe with everyone looking at me in fear


    i love me

    i love me i had sex before kissing man take me to the library

    and he tried to act funny about taking me here and then i was like UM… i Do go to the library lol

    and he thought that was the whoa! thing he’d ever heard


    and i DO

    you all know I hang out at libraries


    im a total green library freak!


    wheres my cofee

    i dont drink it

    i ahve mate at home though

    but im not home!!

    im a th the library

    i was just kickin it with a sexy man

    my circuits are fried

    that was all the sexy man i could ahndle at that moment haha


    he was sexy

    it was like sexy overdose for me and i was feeling insecure


    i still hung on tho

    hella long

    i was on it

    and i felt so good


    this was amusing

    so hes like

    so are you gonna take what im offering?

    [or something like that] it sounded so sexy ive neverf heard it said sexier

    and then i heard myself saying

    ill think about it

    i was dead serious too

    i am going to think about it a lot

    and then i walked away

    and held myself back from skipping embarassedly

    im like im a woman, i can walk proud

    and i did

    stepped on every step with my back straight

    and i felt SOOO sexy

    it was the bomb

    for real

  59.  #59Rosa on December 17, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    Amber S,

    I feel inspired! I feel excited to see you flying away to the sun.

    EXTREME TRANSITION…Amen and I so get that . I am nearing that point for myself in 2 years perhaps (sons still at school/University) . I am setting up processes in my mind about how that will look. I also do NLP and hypnosis ,yoga (I will again when i heal) the blog for healing and change , and gratitude I am working on.

    I found myself being resentful and negative online to a friend last night as I was struggling to feel grateful about my health afetr another day in hospital, the G-man files, the cancer etc .

    Truth is this actually an opportunity to make that MINI EXTREME TRANSITION. I will get some insurance money. I wont have to work so hard . I will be freed to do more of what i love and still keep my boys in school..writing and hopefully recording hypnosis sessions and some other projects..

    There really is a silver lining . I would like to curl up and contemplate my transition…..

    I was wonderingAmber did this plan grow like a seed taking root and slowly unfurling , or just burst open fully fledged..?

  60.  #60Daria on December 17, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    i see my ex all around everywhere

    the woman next to me just left

    i still smell strongly of marijuana

    i am petrfiied to move


    i am so happy to be noticing my feelings rightn ow


    can we go back to the sexy guy




    and then

    he was sexy

    and then

    he was sexy

    and then

    he was sexy

    and now

    my eyes are tearing over

    i want more sexy guy now

    i took my brake

    i am reading

    i am ready for the next sexy guy right now


    that was all i needed a 10 minute break

    wheres the next sexy guy

    my eyes are gonna spill over

    from having felt so blessed with thrill and excitement

    i get it

    i win

    i get turned on omg by an enormously sexy guy


    and i coudl have sex with him

    and hes so sexy

    hes like a michelangelo david sculpture

    hes like

    the sexy sexyiness

    and his mind is sexy

    and i

    stand up to him and then he makes man soudns and man feelings energy

    and im just high

    on him

    and his sexy ness

    and i feel afraid hes gonna run away now


    thats ok bye sexy man

    i feel traumatized from this one event when a sexy man left me

    and im ok

    tears are rolling down my cheeks right now

    at the library

    jsut two

    from that exciting embarssment



    i feel

    afraid sad

    who got away from me

    who excaped

    who didnt want me anymore

    who who who

    who made me cry

    right now

    the girl enxt to me

    empathazises with me right now

    she saw my tears

    she no longer judges me now

    i love me
    nd i was saying

    he left

    hes not gonna step up

    because this happende before

    over and over

    when my ehart flew open
    t a guys sexyiness

    and what i find sexy is long live with darianess

    and hmm

    i feel stuck now

    ive gotten to the core crux of the problem

    but now

    how can he not want me

    his energy is all around me




    i LIKE this energy! yjm more!

    its like swirling energy

    out of whchi men are spit out

    of the mist

    at me

    and they are

    the same enregyies

    embodied again and agian

    for my desire


  61.  #61Daria on December 17, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    im eating seaweed

    im in a creative writing class

    the assignment is to write freewrite

    for 1000 pages

    and i am working on that

    right now

    ia m such a great student

    i am the one who has given myself the assignement

    just write write write

    whatever you want


    for 1000 pages

  62.  #62Jeannette on December 17, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    Brenda, girls, thanks for responding. I guess I feel sad about the card because he’s calling the shots. First he dumped me last year at this time and second now he calls me his friend. I mean after I did intense love making with him…..I took it seriously because I loved him….Just still hurts a little. Couldn’t he have just sent a Christmas card that said, “I’m thinking of you….” NOT, To a DEAR friend….whoopie!!! Now I/m a DEAR friend….sure babe, whatever you want, you can call the shots dear!!!! Like I was supposed to agree to anything when my heart got broken.

  63.  #63Daria on December 17, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    stream of consciousness writings

    who wants to hear my consciousness

    for 1000 pages

    i do

    i am writing

    i am loving myself even though i feel terrified and extrememly judgemental and angry and rejecting and get away from me and overwhelmed by myself

    evne though i want myself to go away away from my computer screen

    away from writing over and aover the foments tah are in her mind

    i ahte her

    i hate her evil mind

    i ahte her coky bullshit attitude

    i ahte how she wants to dominate

    i hate how she takes up sapce

    i hate Daria

    i really do

    i hate HER
    i hater her with everything in me

    everything shes not

    and i am

    and i hate what she is

    and i wantt to be that so bad

    i hate her

    i ahte her evil ways
    i hater her

    i hater her terribly

    i really do

    i hater you Daria


    i ahte you

    i hate you to hell

    thats right

    i really hate you
    i hate you so much

    i ahte you

    for imprisoning me

    keeping me trapped here

    where i hate you!

    more than anything

    dont want to get kicked off the computer
    enter again

  64.  #64Daria on December 17, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    my energy plunged

    i want more energy

    sexy man gave me energy at the end

    its like his look pierced me with energy

    at first i was like “you want me to leave?” like i didnt believe it but thats what my non-thinking self was expressing lol… and i felt SO good and vulnerable and innocent

    yeah i was leaving, but i almost didnt feel like it, lol i felt amused!

    and hes like no, i dont but you have to , but thats not really want he says cuz he said some amazing man knowledge that i was like amazed by and never heard before and of course i was hypnotized… and we talked a lil more and then

    he finally said something that kinda made me feel more able to leave



    first he said he wants me tho and talked about sex and i kinda tensed up

    then he said something about going somewhere

    i dont even know what he said ladies!!

    iw as that hypnotized


    it was like he was amazing

    and i was amazing too

    so that felt comforting to remember

    that i am amazing too



    oh wow

    he was like so wanting me


    he wants me

    i told him ill Think about it


    after i heard myhself say that

    like it was a real business proposal

    or soemthing to think about


    but the truth is

    I WILL think about it


    a lot


    iw ill

    think agbout it this way and that way

    i have to feel safe tho

    i wonder what it will feel like when he kisses me

    hes probably gonna fall in love with me

    i will feel it

    i feel it

    i feel good

    i feel goodie goodie goodie good

    his car is SOOO comfortable

    i mean ive never been in a guys truck that was so comfortable

    and cool

    and it felt like hellaa space to move for him

    and me

    and hes TAlll

    taller than me

    ok i feel my pussy get wet right now

    like a foot taller

    i am so embarassed that someon behind me might read this




    its off the screen now

    hiding my pussy off the sreen

    im gonna make text small

    Ok i did

    page view small now

    this is safer


    and now i feel so much bigger than the text

    im having a whole TEXTUAL experience



    this fine guy wnats to have sex with me!

    me meme!

    im thinking that all this practice with other guys

    its not for me to strive to turn them

    but to learn to keep cool around Mr. DESIRE

    because hes a mister DESIRE

    big truck

    comes to get me

    in the morning

    so romantic on phone

    wants to feel the inside of me

    told him about kissing

    took me to library

    i didndt leave while he was mad

    i stayed

    i felt scared

    i told him i feel scared


    he was so in charge of the situation and im so in lvoe with hsi body and with my bodys affect on his body

  65.  #65Daria on December 17, 2010 at 3:02 pm


    i smell like marijuana cuz i got it in my pocket!!

    it hought i would have hid it by my house
    bbut i forgot

    so now

    i want to put it away

    without losing my seat

  66.  #66Daria on December 17, 2010 at 3:04 pm


    hecka paranoid

    what about in the bathroom

    what about feeling godo

    shift the energy

    sideways figure eights

    of any kind

    are healthy

    like Dna helixes

    helix helix around my eyes

  67.  #67LonePlum on December 17, 2010 at 3:13 pm

  68.  #68Daria on December 17, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    I am back from the bathroom. lol.


    im gonna listen to some music now.

  69.  #69LonePlum on December 17, 2010 at 3:17 pm

  70.  #70LonePlum on December 17, 2010 at 3:21 pm

  71.  #71LonePlum on December 17, 2010 at 3:25 pm

  72.  #72Daria on December 17, 2010 at 3:31 pm


    im listening to this Donna Eden interview…

    how to get out of jetlag


    in 5 min by tracing meridians

    i want to feel good

    i fetl really overwhelmed with sex guy

    and now i feel silly

    writing this here now

    and i dont want to do anything else

  73.  #73Jeannette on December 17, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    Brenda, if you get around to it I would like to know your thoughts concerning # 61.

  74.  #74Daria on December 17, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    “through our Oneness to the Divine Source, there really are no “secrets,” we are essentially one with All Encompassing Universal Wisdom. ”

    this is why we can allways pick up real knowledge magic and holiness out the air

  75.  #75Daria on December 17, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    i felt So scared with this man

    so scared


    i felt so scared

    and now i feel good

    i feel safe

    and why did i feel scared?

    because i LIKE him

    that means i LIke him for forever



    why would i want him for anything else?


    i HAD it a spark of clarity


    sinc ei like the man

    i feel overwhelmed


    i felt scared

    i really just want to be aroudn him without stopping

    and he left

    means i meant him to leave

    so i could geta break to breathe

    it felt too intense pleasure to be aroudn him

    feeling all turned on

    and scared



    i am down to do it again

    now if eel tingly with disappointment

    cuz hes gone now

    i cant call him back

    can i ?

    im running a pattern


    what do i want now?

    that divine feeling

    back to feeling divine

    me now

    i feel divine

    “we are innately attuned with the wisdom of our Ascended Self, and through the integrity of our Divine Essential Self our power is always aligned with Purity of Purpose”

    ok so its up to the man to kiss me now

    now i told him whatsup


    i am thinking about what he offered

    i want a man to take me to dinner now

    im hungry

    i have food money!


    i have a bunch of susan b anthony coins from the train

    ok my mom was kinda gettin on me for not knowing exactly what susan b did

    so im gonna look her up

  76.  #76Daria on December 17, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    Susan B. Anthony was born February 15, 1820 in Adams, Massachusetts. She was brought up in a Quaker family with long activist traditions. Early in her life she developed a sense of justice and moral zeal.

    in the 1800’s i was right what i said about her!

  77.  #77Daria on December 17, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    Anthony, who never married, was aggressive and compassionate by nature. She had a keen mind and a great ability to inspire. She remained active until her death on March 13, 1906.

    wow AGRESSIVE AND COMPASSIONATE! never heard those together before

    breaking down paradigms

    makes me think of Mercedes

    or me

    and stuff

    i like it


  78.  #79Senior Lady Vibe on December 17, 2010 at 4:07 pm

    @62: Daria says:
    “stream of consciousness writings
    who wants to hear my consciousness
    for 1000 pages”

    Hi ho, Virginia Woolf… 😀

    I’m off..

    to the White Elephant Christmas party


    not only will I

    be receiving a mystery gift

    I will be giving one too… 😛

    My dear dear dear DDIL

    has chosen and wrapped

    gifts for the family

    to put on the gift table.

    Ain’t she sweet?

    I don’t know what i’m giving

    but I hope it’s nice. 😀


  79.  #81Daria on December 17, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    He said u cab ask him for a ride to the library anytime

    I said are u making fun of me

    He said nO he’s serious

    I want him to give me a joyride right now

    I want him to cone kissme and go down on me and give me orgasms

    Hmm. I feel scared to say that and that’s ways holding it back from me

    Squirting orgasms with his hand. Abs then I want him to take me out to eat and then make love to me really slow w music on… Like gangsta music like the lil webbie he had on was good.

    Ohh I feel like squeeze inside and grinning like I’m giving someone a hug really really right!

    It must be my heart.

    Well u can let him know I feel that way about the kissing and orgasms and food. And that’s what I like from a man and I just discovered it.


    I want tO trust him

    He wants to please me. Mmm. Yes yes m m .

    I want sex w u too I need these things to feel good to have sex

    He wants to please me w sex yes papi papi I like it… How cute and

    Ge smoked weed w me too

    Ok sex will please me he’s right

    I need those things first so I felt a lil confused and tightened up

    I’m excited to tell him how I feel and I don’t want to have sex before kissing… Lots an lots of orgasms and being fed food yummy food and lots of massaging and touching…

  80.  #82Daria on December 17, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    Slv I feel exaltedly good reading about your party

  81.  #83Daria on December 17, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    Now I’m remembering some of what cd said

    With overwhelming giddy

    Like when the star quarterback kinda looked my way and I’m acfreshman at the prom

    OMG run away and giggle excitedly

    Get back in the group u don’t handle that much attention


    I love the excitement

    He said

    Well I said I feel scared of him . Like twice.

    And he says he’s doing what he does and if he can’t influence me to feel different by doing what he is doing he doesn’t know what to do

    I almost panicked

    I almost expected him to cone up w something anyways

    Then I believed him and sunk into my body to see how I feel.

    Do I feel ready to get out the car yet? Nope


  82.  #84Daria on December 17, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    I’m feeling uncomfortable… Afraid… My craving for sex touch and Feelin exalted and electric cool ate growing…. I feel more andcmorr turned on

    I want to feel good!

    I want More party

  83.  #85Daria on December 17, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    I guess I was thinking I’m overly stimulated… Babystepping to allowing turned on ness to be a feel good regular experience in my life

    Feeling good with that tears coming to my eyes again

  84.  #86Daria on December 17, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    im back home

    working on anxiousness

    gonna relisten to Donna Eden about triple warmer

  85.  #87Daria on December 17, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    I was freaked so i started doing Donna Eden’s 5 min energizer

    and when my mom came in i kept doing it and i was able to talk to her!

    even tho i felt scared too


  86.  #88Mercedes on December 17, 2010 at 7:44 pm

    Aggressive & compassionate? Wow! Thank you! I prefer assertive…but still..thank you Daria.

    Much Love,

  87.  #89Brenda on December 17, 2010 at 7:44 pm


    RE: #61 – You said, “I guess I feel sad about the card because he’s calling the shots.”

    I feel your pain, and I know that kind of pain runs deep. But can you try a reframe?

    I don’t know, but maybe this is what is really going on:

    Maybe last lover regrets cutting you loose. Maybe absence makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe he is not trying to call the shots at all? Maybe he is thinking, “Wow, I really blew it. I had a gem in Gemette, and I made the mistake of my life! Let me put out a feeler by sending her a Christmas card…gee, I hope it’s not too late for us….”

    Of course we don’t know what he’s thinking, and we aren’t going to be productive in conjecturing. What really matters, according to what I’ve learned from Rori, is what Gemette feels.

    How do you feel? If present lover were not supposed to be your forever lover, and you were clear, free, and available, would you still want another chance with last lover? If amends were made?

    I know you have quite some reservations with present lover. What if you keep both doors open, since you are still not a married woman, and just send out a very honest, candid feeling message?

    What scenario or action would make Jeannette feel good? I copied some feeling messages from the blog. Here are some and some I tweaked for your situation. Would something like this feel empowering and true for you?

    I am still feeling very angry at you… And yet I still have feelings for you. I’d be open to friendship… Maybe. I still feel very very angry and am unsure. I am no longer interested in sex until I feel 100% secure with a man.

    I feel really angry/furious with you. and i don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to talk to you right now.

    I feel warmth toward you and I feel insecure and scared that I’m going to be let down again. So I find myself trying to play it safe. I feel so vulnerable it feels hard to open up… what do you think ?
    Wow, it feels scary and exciting too.

    You know, I’m feeling uncomfortable about something, and I feel really weird talking about it, but it would feel better to just get it out.
    I felt really upset the way our relationship ended. I expected a lot more than cold dismissal when I let you have my heart. When forever didn’t happen, I felt horrible and endlessly sad. I felt so good with you before it all fell apart, and now I just feel terribly heartbroken and confused. What do you think?

    I admit I felt a soup of feelings when I received your beautiful Christmas card. I felt a jolt of surprise and happiness, quickly followed by my heart aching, feeling heavy. I don’t want to be misled in love, and I wonder why you sent me that card. What do you think?

  88.  #90Brenda on December 17, 2010 at 7:58 pm


    RE: #50 – 51 – Tight hugs to you!

    I feel so happy at your healthy, strong growth and major transition! Can’t wait to see where you land! I love you!

  89.  #91Jeannette on December 17, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    Brenda, the cold dismissal one is right on…..how I feel. You are such a help, I can’t begin to tell you….I also care about my current man as you know. I am going to really soul search this one out…..tread water a day or two….You are an angel Brenda…and so brilliant….You deserve the best Brenda…in every way!! Thank you!!!

  90.  #92Brenda on December 17, 2010 at 8:41 pm


    I am so glad I was able to help! Thank you for your kind comments!

    Here’s another thought…when you said, “To a DEAR friend….whoopie!!! Now I/m a DEAR friend….sure babe, whatever you want, you can call the shots dear!!!!” I hear sarcasm. And that is not to put you down or anything…it is simply an observation.

    And, I know that sarcasm is the ugly cousin of anger. And, I believe anger is comprised of pain.

    No big secret there, right? But I hope it helps to acknowledge that this is really about your pain in the relationship.

    So what do you want out of a possible exchange? If you care to share it with us, that is…

    Do you hope for an apology?
    A fresh start?
    A chance to vent?
    An open door?

    Just some more to process for you…I wish you the best!

  91.  #93Brenda on December 17, 2010 at 8:58 pm


    You crack me up! I get a kick out of reading your ganja readings when you are hi!

    Wow, you got guts! I wish I had half the guts you do to bare my heart on here! I just can’t handle all the backlash, and so I keep my innermost thoughts and feelings to myself.

    Your Ganja Writer Darianess, let it loose, girl! 🙂

  92.  #94Jeannette on December 17, 2010 at 9:29 pm

    Brenda, I am just angry that he threw our love away. He sent me a damn Dear Jane letter to break up and I just know I am much kinder of a person, in other words, I can’t picture myself doing that to anyone. In the end, he showed his coward self. I was true and faithful to him….we lived 600 miles apart and I was true and faithful for over 2 years. He had 2 wives that cheated on him before me……why wasn’t I good enough…why wasn’t he just relieved for one that someone cared so much for him…Sometimes, I swear men don’t really know what they want! We got along very well, had many things in common, seriously, but he didn’t want it in the end. Yes I’m still hurt and he just sent me a friendship card? I think that is sooo cold, I really do!!

  93.  #95Daria on December 17, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    Brenda – hehe yeah i remember sometimes it would feel really scary to write something… i would be afraid to check the blog for like 2 days

    i just KNEW Rori was gonna kick me out

    but that never happened

    so i feel safe now

    and it expands my ability to be braver in real life

    so im using it


    right now im visualizing Sexy Cd (he’s the one that came to see me this morning) kissing me


    im visualizing me Allowing him to get close, closer,and kissing me

    it feels scary

    and intense

  94.  #96Daria on December 17, 2010 at 9:37 pm

    my mom have been getting along really well and loving since the last time i felt attacked when she said something about my graduation and i said well I!!! felt upset

    not just her…

    i never said that

    i always put her feelings first

    i think she was shoked

    i also said i want some emotional encouragement


    it was a big fight-like argument

    i locked my door

    but i got over it becuase i acted quickly to not listen to upsetting stuff


    ever since then my mom seems in a much better mood

    especially towards me

    and now my Dad does too!

    and i found out from my mom that he’s been looking for 2 weeks to but ME christmas presents


    i thought they didnt want to get me anything

    and now to find out hes tryina get me a camera AND a phone!

    and my mom wants to get me boots!

    those are the 3 things i wanted!

    AND she is asking me what groceries i want

    and ive been cooking and shes been eating my cooking!

    and she got me Yerba Mate!


  95.  #97Daria on December 17, 2010 at 9:41 pm

    I am also practicing with the ganja around people cuz thats babystepping to feeling comfortable everywhere

    whenever im not feeling the effects, it seems perfectly rational that im SAFE and that its a medicinal plant, and its actually enhancing my creativity

    and its just as well i smoke it and its all good and stuff

    but sometimes When ive smoked it im so easily getting into what is the person next to me thinking they are reading my vibes so of course they can tell and then will be oFFENDED

    and try to kick me out for being “on drugs”

    and it feels very scary

    it is a babystep process to face my terror at those times and its great for me to be able to practice

    today i had a lovely time writing all that at the library and got some COOL books

    including one on how slavery like conditions were perpetuated until WWII

    by using silly reasons to imprison black males and use them for labor

    and then like now it seems the same, using reasons that make up people’s lifestyle like consuming narcotics

    but then what does the labor force do now just sit in jail?

    or how do they make money from it i know they do

    the prison industrial complex

    but i dont know how exactly

    andyway the book rocks it by Douglas Blackmon who wrote for the Wallstreet Journal

  96.  #98Daria on December 17, 2010 at 10:03 pm

    Plum – I like your Evan link (the last one is the one i watched)

    EVAN is FUN to listen to on video! yay! i feel happy to discover this

  97.  #99Brenda on December 17, 2010 at 10:23 pm


    Yes, this blog has given me more courage, too, being more attuned to MY feelings and MY well-being than on people-pleasing.

    I think smoking ganja is another good way to operate out of your center and let down inhib-bitch-tions. 🙂 I kina miss that! 😉 I went thru a phase bout 6 yrs ago when I was drinking and smoking ganja, and really enjoying opening up and saying “F.U.!” to the world, just being me. I found that even when I was sober, I was being more free and less caring about stuffy, judgmental people’s opinions.

    Glad to hear things are going so much better with your parents! Sounds like a lot of healing taking place!! Yay for healing and growth!

    The more people in prison, the more gubamint funds each prison gets. So they profit. Funds are grossly misused.

    For example, Kenny used to have an accountant job for $.26/hr. He previously ran his own business, so he had good math skills, etc. Once a month, the prison’s accountant would come to check Kenny’s work.

    He taunted Kenny, telling him the job was given to him as a favor by a friend, and he earned $90,000 a year, while Kenny did his job for him for $.26/hr. Makes me sick.

  98.  #100Lorelei on December 18, 2010 at 12:02 am

    Oh, I feel weird and cross and puzzled this morning.

    Last night went to a Christmas Salsa party, in the town I was living in over the summer. And somehow, I just couldn’t get in to being a Siren, really.

    Feel annoyed with myself. I kind of went back to my old habits. Yuk.

    The good bits: I bought a new red sleeveless silky top (red!!) with cut-away showing off my shoulders. Worn with tight jeans, I felt really good in it. Sexy, but not too revealing somehow. I got lots of compliments on my top!

    But, because it’s snowy here, I was late setting off, and a bit worried about the hour-long journey. And the travelling made me a bit tense, as worried about having to drive home again, when it might be even colder and icier.

    Once at the party, I was welcomed by some of my old friends, and I felt quite comfortable. But a whole mixed bag of experiences. It’s like I was just tense inside from the journey. Had some really nice dances with some men I knew from before.

    But – horrors – I leaned forward sometimes. One guy, who I knew from before, said he would have a dance with me later, but didn’t, and at the end, I said to him, “jokingly,” “You said you would dance with me, but you didn’t.” With the male teacher, at the end, I said, “jokingly,” “I’ve been waiting for you to ask me to dance . .” And this was in front of a nice man who had started to talk to me at the end.

    These are small fixable problems, but I feel really tense and yuk. This stuff just started coming out of me. I hadn’t realised I was feeling, well-left out, not-sufficiently appreciated.

    Yuk, yuk, yuk.

    Two other things. Might as well journal it all out.

    One man started making definite approaches. He was a Salsa beginner, and a bit awkward to dance with, but he asked me several times, and was trying to flirt. But he was coming on a bit too strong, and sounding really shy. He sounded embarrassed when he was saying things like “I’m dazzled by you.” And he even kissed my hand at the end of a dance.

    So I was by now also feeling embarrassed and tense.
    He asked if I was staying to the end, or leaving and going for a drink with him. I couldn’t get to a feeling message and just said, “Oh, I’m staying to the end, I need all the practice I can get.”

    I was beginning to feel that him hanging around me was stopping other men asking me.

    I didn’t even want to be open to him. He had bad breath. He kept talking about whether I would be at the classes after new year. He asked me to tell him about classes in my home town.

    At the end (11pm) he approached me again and asked if I would like to go for a drink . . . I felt this was a definite no, but said I was feeling worried about my long drive home, and the ice, so no thank you.

    So it’s good that I had dances, and approaches.

    But I felt so yuk. Also the first day of my period, and a bit tense and yuk. These are very small problems in the scheme of things. But I feel sad and disappointed that I couldn’t remember to do the tools.

    Next time (well, there’s another Salsa party in my home town tonight) I could just do the waterwheel, or sparkly breathing tools, and try to relax into radiating and being magnetic. Hope I can.

    But it is hard waiting and hoping to be asked to dance. I want to be asked for every dance. I want a full dance card. Not a 50% full one.

  99.  #101Lorelei on December 18, 2010 at 12:14 am

    And another thing.

    At these Salsa things in the other town. There is a man who is a regular there who I got to know quite well.

    He is 31. I am 49.

    He is older-seeming than his age. In the summer, he offered to meet me for dance practice, which he does with a number of women. He likes practicing his lead, and is a very, very patient and kind teacher. He explained at the time that it is purely platonic, and that his girlfriend doesn’t dance. He even explained, at one point, that he prefers to keep things separate, as he used to have a relationship with someone from the classes, but it was very awkward when they split up as they had to find separate classes, etc.

    Over the summer, we did meet 3 or 4 times for dance practice.

    But recently, he has been texting me a bit, came to one of my exhibitions, was going to come to a talk I was giving, though ended up working abroad that week.

    And now he is suggesting meeting for coffee, outside of Salsa . . . HMMM. He is a nice man, very kind and considerate. Very straightforward. Not sexy, as such. But a very good man. Let’s call him VanMan. When he mentions coffee, I am open, I say things like, “That would be nice,” or “that would feel good.”

    And we pretty much agreed to have a coffee together after Christmas. And last night, he added, “I do enjoy your company very much . . .” Can’t remember what I said, but I was more able to be in Siren mode when with him than with some of the others. I smiled and made the right sort of noises.

    Huh? This is starting to feel a little less like “purely platonic.”

  100.  #102AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 12:49 am


    I just woke up in the middle of the night and realized that your bunny had died *recently*.

    I am so sorry I didn’t understand that two days ago.

    I am so sorry, sweetie.

    So, so sorry for your loss. HUGS and HUGS and HUGS.

    Having a pet pass away feels to me like losing a piece of my heart.

    Hugs and Hugs and HUGS.

  101.  #103snowqueen on December 18, 2010 at 1:15 am

    I found this post really useful in understanding how CD works. I am dating a guy I really like but there are a few issues with him which make me feel ambivalent but I’m using the tools all the time and he keeps getting better and less toxic. You know the older we are the more likelihood of baggage there is and we have to be realistic about men. He is heavily defended because of past hurts but he also treats me like a princess most of the time and is capable of talking with me and is warm and affectionate and does loads of stuff for me (he’s one of those men who shows his love through DIY). I have been approached by other men but I’ve felt disloyal about responding to them. Now I realise that I need to do that to be sure about the current one because that’s actually the most ethical thing to do. If I’m going to commit to him, I need to be sure I mean it and I want it.

    I really like this blog and find Rori’s advice to be the best I’ve ever used, but I feel irritated by the comments section most of the time. I don’t want to feel like I’m intruding on someone else’s private party. I’d like to feel like the comments were about the main post and about letting readers share their experiences of the topic rather than a chat room or someone using the comments as their own personal blog.

  102.  #104Rosa on December 18, 2010 at 3:13 am

    Its pre Christmas Saturday night here now , and I am at home (younger son , 16, here too).

    I feel sad I am not out somewhere – no festivities for me so far. No dates .The one I loved, wrapped me in his care then dumped me and disappeared .
    I feel lost.

    I feel flat, low , near to tearful
    I feel un-sireny and my inner Goddess has fled.
    I feel no hope much of the time.

    My mind is backsliding into out of date thoughts , regretful sad thoughts , about MAN-ure , and less than and not-wantedness,

    I feel anger and frustration with myself .

    i also feel understanding that my thoughts are popping out of a chemically inflamed and struggling bunch of neurones after more hospital treatment yesterday.

    I forgive you brain for thinking these thoughts!

    I am here to learn , not to moan..i want to practice being loving like Amber and resourceful like SLV and clear sighted like Plum, and dazzling like Daria and faithful and true like Brenda and all the other lovely Goddessy attributes you each bring to the blog!
    I feel touched by you all.

    I am now feeling a little better after reflecting with gratitude for having this place to be with my pain, not stuffing or hiding it , just riffing..

    Thank you Sirens.

  103.  #105Daria on December 18, 2010 at 3:52 am

    Well Brenda dint worry it doesn’t matter, cuz money is not real…Kenny was probably triggered and that guy was too and trying to heal

  104.  #106Daria on December 18, 2010 at 3:54 am

    Omgosh no pet so sad

    UHF why don’t the moos live as long as we do!

  105.  #107Rosa on December 18, 2010 at 3:59 am

    MOOSE? Did you say moose ?

    This cracks me up….


  106.  #108Daria on December 18, 2010 at 4:03 am

    So glad! With successful nurse cd, I have been feeling tense that he’s pushing for sex

    Today we finally kissed. We had talked about it. We talked.

    A lot. I held boundaries about nit being safe gearing that there’s something wrong with u’s not having sex yet.

    I leaned back. He talked.

    I felt better and started getting attracted to him! Yeah!

    And we had had fun earlier playing pool. I usually feel bored on pool dates. So I was surprised that I didn’t get burned out on playing.

    I had to pull away from cd and gear him complain and ask if i like him. Ugh.

    That felt icky.

    I said yeah he said oh yeah what

    At thus point Iceland want to answer I said I felt weird being asked that
    That I don’t like when a man who is daring me complains that there’s something wrong.

    That if there’s a problem I expect him to fix it on his end.

    That when the leader says sonerhings wrong I feel scared and I close down instead of opening up.


    I am actually feeling heard by this guy which i wasn’t before! And the more I feel heard the more I am attracted to him.

    Now that we kissed I feel good. It feels special that we kissed.

    I love me and dating me.

    And he said everyone was looking at me. they were but I felt self conscious I practiced grounding on the floor and holding myself up on my stem.

  107.  #109Daria on December 18, 2010 at 4:04 am

    I really like that saying a woman is like a flower and a man is the stem. And she blossoms

  108.  #110Daria on December 18, 2010 at 4:08 am

    Rosa – i like the word moose. I want to hug it.

    Oh. I now tell CDs who call orctext me: If u want to cone get me I want to go out.

    I nO longer have patience to talk much w men except for him to ask me out.

    I like how this feels.

    Instead of complaining in my head… Are u calling Not to ask me out?

    Instead I’m like… I want to go out!


  109.  #111Daria on December 18, 2010 at 4:10 am

    The one tool that Always gets me feeling a lil goddess is the one where u breathe out a fountain of sparkles and shimmers out the top of my head and it shimmers around me.

  110.  #112Daria on December 18, 2010 at 4:17 am

    I am getting closer to sex!

    I am getting more open about saying how I feel about sexual relationship emotional stuff without clamming up or switching the subject. I am being frank.

    I am soon going to be able to tell guys right away watch don’t want and therefore will receive huge amounts of what I do want!

    Which is lots of going down and orgasms.

    I remember that encounter last year with that guy in la- I wish he called me, awesome body, sex vIbe, respect, boldness, care for me and people who served food, nice hands , driver.

    Wow. I had to hurry I threw him my card he never called. Did I insult him w abruptness!

    I panicked.

    I want more like That and more ad more after the other times like hundreds and hundreds in my future receiving them smoothing the flow exponentially receiving this vibe switching to being in the vibe if intense passionate sexy fulfillment moments easy frequent and comfortable.

    No disappointment.

    No more dussappointment.

  111.  #113Daria on December 18, 2010 at 4:28 am

    im watching Plum’s second link wiht Evan Mark Katz –

    saying we’re attracted to a man like James Bond

    funny yes

    guywhohadababy reminds me of James bond, lots of women like him

    transformer man too



    i can even attract a james bond

    yes smooth

    self assured

    personal authority as rori sayd


    and he said angela jolie is like the female james bond

    yep i feel like im like that too


    super knock out

  112.  #114Rosa on December 18, 2010 at 4:33 am

    Hadassah , if you are reading. I was heartened by your story.

    I loved how you expressed to the ex that he needs to call and make a date if he wants to see you ..RESPECT
    You are demanding respect , and he is falling by the wayside.


    I love how you arent rushing sex
    I love how good your new guy sounds.

    I just hope you are CDing as well now …woohooo

    Go Siren Go!

  113.  #115Daria on December 18, 2010 at 4:34 am

    u turn me on so much

    ur like james bond

    intoxicated with your stance

    im close drawn

    my cat jumps

    i get a lil whoa

    like looking out at the view

    from monaloa

    so high off with u

    get me higher

    im electric eyez
    with my desire

  114.  #116Daria on December 18, 2010 at 4:35 am

    im excited! i noticed too another thing about this cd thats turning better is that i dont think he looked me in the eyes in a way that i could open

    and then as he talked more ad i started hearing him

    i was able to look him in the eye And open my heart some

    and he looked at me more

    but a lot of time he was just talking forward and id dint feel turned on that way

  115.  #117Daria on December 18, 2010 at 4:46 am

    lol@ the right sort of noises!


    i do make a lot of oh


    and hmm

    noises of all kinds

  116.  #118Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 5:26 am

    @94 Daria says:
    “and now to find out hes tryina get me a camera AND a phone!
    and my mom wants to get me boots!
    those are the 3 things i wanted!
    AND she is asking me what groceries i want
    and ive been cooking and shes been eating my cooking!
    and she got me Yerba Mate!

    A while ago I posted:
    “Our parents are always our parents
    and our babies are always our babies…”

    And I meant it works that
    way even when we relate to each
    other as adult to adult…

    I think you just gave an example;
    That’s how it works.
    It’s fun, isn’t it!


  117.  #119Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 5:28 am


    “…how slavery like conditions were perpetuated until WWII…”

    I don’t believe it entirely ended then. 😯

    BTW, my father told me about meeting escaped slaves when he was a young boy, in 1900s. Slavery was illegal but in isolated places the practice continued as it continues today in some places.


  118.  #120Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 5:29 am

    @101: Rosa says:

    “I am here to learn , not to moan..i want to practice being loving like Amber and resourceful like SLV and clear sighted like Plum, and dazzling like Daria and faithful and true like Brenda and all the other lovely Goddessy attributes you each bring to the blog!
    I feel touched by you all.”

    Thanks, Rosa. I’m doing the best I can and making the best of what there is.


  119.  #121Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 5:43 am

    I’m feeling excited about this weekend, next week, Christmas and then 2011!

    I’m going now to Barnes & Noble to look for calendar; I saw one online and I hope I can find it in the store.

    Friend’s son arrived from Switzerland for holidays. He brought chocolate (I kinda wondered how he got them past customs, hmmm, well OK) BUT I’m making hot chocolate or cafe mocha as soon as I return.

    Please, please, please let B&N have the “2011 edition Romantic Paris” calendar or something else as good…

    Also, my son decided last night that he wants the Harry Potter scarf so I’d better get a move on it!

    Last night I got a pen set in the gift exchange. I’ve never tried any pen and ink drawing but now I will…! I’m always so lucky!

    The Pointer Sisters – “I’m So Excited”


  120.  #122Ella on December 18, 2010 at 6:17 am

    Well, well what an interesting time for me.

    Last night I was hanging out with Mr Barman and things are back to good. He hasn’t asked me anymore g.friend type questions and things have relaxed again.

    Initially when I got there (impromtu time together due to be snowed into the village) he was still working so I sat at the bar until he finished. The bar was full of men, no women. Mostly older men who I didn’t know.

    I felt really conspicious… and I found it hard to get in touch with my Siren vibe. So I sat there and made an effort not to over function by being ‘the life and soul of the party’ and ‘the sexy, sassy’ one and I used the tools of feelinng how each of my bodyparts felt and then lookinng at something beautiful.

    It helped calm me down a bit but I still feel shy around Mr Barman, especially around others when it feels very ‘high profile’.

    And then this older guy was talking to me and we were connecting and that felt better but kinda weird cus Mr Barman began looking and it was like he felt ‘territorial’ but talking to the older guy was helping me to settle my vibe so I stayed open to him.

    He was talking about cooking with a lot of passion and I practiced listening at level 2.

    It was a good conversation.

    Then Mr Barman finished work and came and joined me.

    And then there was a younger girl who works there too and she was at the bar. She is a Siren naturally. She doesn’t know it but she is authentic and it is very attractive.

    She is not the most beautiful girl but she has beautiful, long hair and she just gives off a genuine and good vibe.

    Men look at her, including Mr Barman.

    And then I felt jealous. I felt jealous of her vibe and I felt ugly in comparison.

    And I know it is not right to compare but suddenly I felt totally inadequate. Like all this work I do and she is so authentic.

    Awww, I am smiling at myself now because I am more lovely than I know…

    But anyway I suddenly felt very ‘less than’ and very insecure being near this girl. She was laughing and her older b.friend was cuddling her and pulling her into his arms.

    And then later she was talking to Mr Barman and they were having this in depth conversation and it looked so natural and they had constant eye contact and I felt so less than and so jealous, even though I was standing right there.

    Also I felt paranoid that Mr Barman could ‘see’ straight through me bc I opened up to him about feeling jealous before.

    And everything in me wanted to compete and ‘be brighter’ to outshine her. And I so could have done it, but it would have been attention seeking, rather than just being real.

    Now I want to sit with my feelings and feel them, not try to compete or get angry.

    And I actually like her so don’t want an ‘off vibe’.

    Now when I shine I want it to be 100% genuine…

    So I just sat with my feelings. And then I began talking to her and when I did this I relaxed a bit and the conversation was natural.

    Then Mr Barman said to me ‘shall we go hang out together upstairs in his private room and spend some time together’.

    Ahhhh! That made me feel so nice.

    And then it was just the 2 of us and everything melted away.

    And it felt so good. We were talking and listening to music and then I felt like dancing so i was dancing and then he came and sorta ‘swayed’ / danced with me…

    And then later he went downstairs to get some drinks and he came back and said that the young girl had been crying cus her older b.friend had been mean to her again.

    This happens all the time. And my jealous feeling came right back hard bc then I had an image of him comforting her when she is being emotional, and it didn’t feel good!

    I want my emotions looked after not to hear about another woman’s emotions…


    Well this time I didn’t say anything bc we had a whole convo about me feeling jealous yesterday and I did not want to go there again.

    So I let it go…

    But later I began to feel insecure again bc I became ‘thinky’ about sex again and my mind went to ‘he is not trying to sleep with you so there must be somoething wrong with you’ which has been my issue all along, and another NV ‘you are not sexually attractive!’.

    And I told him how I was feeling again and it must have tapped into a place of real pain for me bc suddenly I started crying. Feeling REALLY REALLY hurt, like little girl.

    And I know this is from my ex cus this is the EXACT feeling I had at the end of our relationship when he wouldn’t sleep with me.

    And EVERYTHING in me wanted to hide from Mr Barman and say ‘I am fine!’ but I remembered that this is not real so I forced myself to stay present with him, even though it felt awful, like squirmy and embarrassed, like a little girl, NOT a sexy woman!

    And he just held me and told me I am gorgeous, and that I was crazy if I didn’t know how attractive I am.

    He said he really wants to have sex with me and we talked about some other stuff around the subject.

    But then he said ‘well actually it is you who always pulls away!’.

    And he is right, I do, when I do not want to go any further.

    So he said ‘so I am going to let you initiate when you feel ready!’…. Hmmm, not so good. I won’t initiate!

    So anyway, I guess I do feel slightly better about it… and great that I managed to stay present even when I was crying and even though I felt stupid / akward!

    But I still have issues…

    But I am bored of them now. I don’t really want to feel like an akward little girl anymore! But if I need to then I need to! Obviously this is something that is healing for me!

    I hope, I still feel anxious around it, like I can’t believe I won’t have those sexual problems again…

    And I felt so suprised that there was still that much pain there!!! And I felt impressed by Mr Barman taking care of my pain!

  121.  #123Ella on December 18, 2010 at 6:25 am

    Well I feel bored by my issues around sex now.

    But they still keep coming up! I’m being so triggered right now!

    Well NVs – I hear ya, loud and clear… I hear ya…

    feels like fear,

    NV says ‘I am not beautiful, I am not worthy.’
    ‘Men do not desire me’
    ‘you are not allowed to have sex’
    ‘you are not sexy’

    Ok, I said I HEARD you!

    Now go and stand in that corner, I am busy being a DESIRABLE, SEXY, WARM, FUN, ATTRACTIVE SIREN RIGHT NOW!

    NV you have no purpose here! Off you go.

    Be gone!

    I choose to accept something else… something braver… that I AM sexy, beautiful, desirable…

    And I am just going to have to get comfortable with that!

    Be authentic… feel what I feel.

    Its all ok.

    I feel tired and bored of focusing on sex now. Feels like pressure.

    I just want to be warm and sexy and have fun now…

    that is what I choose. to enjoy the moments… the sexy ones, the warm ones, just respond to what is there. Let go of the fear…

    its ok, no matter what it is all ok!

  122.  #124Ella on December 18, 2010 at 6:34 am

    Oh and there is one more thing.

    Mr Barman’s brother and his g.friend run the pub… and I have been dealing with that whole thing of worrying about what they think of me…

    I have been drawn to ‘wanting their approval’ which can cause me to over function and ‘be nice’ which doesn’t feel genuine.

    And I am aware of this and have been gently trying to refocus but has felt like ‘pulling and forcing’ myself not to.

    I saw a post from Daria, quoting one of Rori’s posts about wasting energy working for approval…

    Well I am ready to let this go.

    Either they like me or they don’t… thats it. And it doesn’t even really matter if they don’t!

    And I do not have to do anything to earn approval! I approve of myself.

    I can just be there and be genuine… no need to overfunction. No need to impress. No need to try to fit in or to be funny so people will like me.

    Just gently keep sitting with myself, working the tools. I will not abandon you. If they don’t like me I will still like you.

    And if something feels bad we can always leave!!

    Just be me, love me and approve of myself.

    That is it!

    Warm, sparkly love and approval sent to me from me! Sparkly… sparkles spilling over me.

    Love and approval washing over me…

    EXCUSE ME! There is a Siren present…

    Move OVER – DIVA coming through!!

    This way… way of love and good vibe. For me, for others, but mostly for me…

    Love, love, sparkly, warm, sexy LOVE for me!

    Authentic, warm, genuine!

    I feel warm, sparkly, love… genuine! Yay…

    Yay for me… and I love my fear and I love my warmth… and my ability to accept people and be open to people…

    And my warm, sparkles for myself.

  123.  #125Ella on December 18, 2010 at 6:40 am

    Yesterday, when I walked in the snow on my own and it was dark and quiet, and it felt like MAGICAL!.

    The snow was all crunchy and fresh and there were no cars, it was super quiet except for my crunching feet!! Crunch, crunch in the crisp snow.

    And there was a bright moon and stars and everyone had the Xmas decorations and lights and Xmas trees sshining.

    It was beautiful and it made me feel warm and magical inside and it was especially for me!

    And I felt like a super magical witch out in the white land casting secret, special love spells and laughing!

    Super Siren Magic in the Snow!

    I feel sexy and powerful woman magic on the snow!

  124.  #126Ella on December 18, 2010 at 7:08 am

    Owww, and Mr Barman did this thing where he pulled me in close for a kiss….

    And it felt like knocky knees!

    He did it a few times and I LOVE it!!

    He just grabs me and pulls me to him and kisses me and I have to tilt my head up cus he is taller than me and he holds me in his arms and it just feels like

    YUM, YUM, YUM!!

    And he looks all proud and lovey and I feel all warma and melty.

    It feels lovely!

  125.  #127Mystyk on December 18, 2010 at 8:57 am

    I am full of hope and love and sometimes fear.

    I love my guy. I am learning how that all works.

    Feeling it, letting it fill me up to my throat. Memories come up to be noticed, hopeful feelings fly in and I try not to grasp at them or crush them with my intense longing to be a couple, to be cherished and adored and claimed – NOW.

    I am surrounded by love, and sad and excited that it doesn’t come wrapped up neat and tidy. More moments of feeling calm and peaceful and knowing that part of our human experience is to be okay with all of it — together and alone, easy and not so easy.

    I am thankful that I finally love myself. I am proud of my way of being… aware and present in most moments, feeling my feelings, keeping true to myself. I am sharing what is appropriate, letting the energy of Love do most of the talking.

    Because I wish I had new words — words that didn’t sound like what he has heard before from others who were less present, less loving, less kind. So I go back to just being with him, smiling, allowing him to love me, letting him get love back through me after he has filled me up.

    The desire to be alone is still here for me, and also the fear of his needing to be alone too, or sometimes not with me. And it is hard sometimes. Then the universe steps in to help.

    Today I ran across this YouTube video, “How To Be Alone” and felt the beauty and truth in it. Please click, watch and listen – take a break and then do it again.



  126.  #128Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 10:14 am

    I was blogging..and it dissapeared!
    Ahh well………I was only riffing anyway

  127.  #129LonePlum on December 18, 2010 at 10:20 am

    102: Daria

    I feel curious to know what you gave in exchange for the ganja?
    Or do you plant it and reap it and transform it yourself?


  128.  #130Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 10:30 am

    maybe I’ll re riff
    Suck tastic life right now.
    Boo urns
    Stopped sleeping with J.
    He did this weird thing. I was having an orgasm and he stared at me so hard it felt like being PULLED energetically…….weird
    Then he starts messaging me like “hoping to hear from you soon”…..ewww……….feels like “dude, frig off. Go Fck yer wife and leave me alone.”
    Then I got a message from my mom on FB. And she’s like “stop talking about your lady bits on FB. Friends and family are asking me if yer right in the head” I had put that I was up in the dark of night cause I was in pain from a cyst forming.
    Great. Now people think I’m nuts.
    My sister was here when I got the message on my phone and I started to cry.
    she was like “well, you know you have trouble with social cues, dont’ just sit there thinking it’s just cause mom is a btch. It could be you too.”
    Even better
    then I tried to have fun at the Judo christmas party (judo man looked……lickable) but ended up sitting quietly through dinner while everyone else was chattin it up cause I was nervous to say something socially awkward.
    Feel heavy in my chest.
    I had a heavy round of bowen and I’m detoxing….why do I always detox in the middle of the night?
    No new CDs in months.
    boo urns
    Now I find out that since my brother’s house is Frigged…..it truly is, my parents are thinking of selling theirs, giving him $100K to get him outta debt and then he’ll buy a new house with an apt in it and they will live with him and help with the baby.
    So, all those years I lived paycheck to paycheck…..I was told there was no help.
    they were broke
    so i buckled down and did without and worked harder. Went to the artic circle for 4 months to pay my debts. I will be totally debt free by march…..
    he makes bad decisions (he was told not to buy that house) and they bail him out to the tune of $100K.
    Which…..if they sell the house and give him it ALL….there is nothing left for my sister and I.
    My sister who just got laid off and also has a mortgage.
    I feel hella triggered.
    I feel mad as hell.
    I feel rage.
    I feel guilt.
    I don’t think he’ shouldn’t get help.
    I just feel like “where’s mine?”
    It’s like when we were kids watching him get $5k and $6K per hockey season spent on him and not have anyone show up for my gymnastics competitions….that I paid for myself.
    It’s like sitting at christmas watching him open a new snowboard and wondering what the hell I’m supposed to do with a box of samples.
    From the mail.
    Anyone looking to adopt? I’m up for adoption. Hey…I gots a job and everything.
    I just wanna spend the rest of my life lying in my apt in my jammies reading paranormal romances…….
    maybe I’ll start a collection of small yappy dogs.

  129.  #131Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 10:32 am

    @123: Ella says:
    “Owww, and Mr Barman did this thing where he pulled me in close for a kiss….
    And it felt like knocky knees!
    He did it a few times and I LOVE it!!…”

    Knocky knees fun…

    A little something-something for you…
    a slightly naughty song and dance
    in one of my favorite old classic film
    comedies. 😆

    “Let’s K-nock K-nees” – in The Gay Divorcee (1934) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5944eClQopY


  130.  #132Jeannette on December 18, 2010 at 10:34 am

    Any comments on #92? I feel upset and want to heal from this one…..

  131.  #133Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 10:35 am

    another small piece of irony?
    My brother can go on Fb all he likes and rant about how the Americans are gonna come and steal all our fresh water and we’re gonna have to fight for it against corporations………while having American relatives on his list…..and not a word gets said.

  132.  #134Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 10:56 am

    @127: Jennifer says:
    “…I just wanna spend the rest of my life lying in my apt in my jammies reading paranormal romances…….
    maybe I’ll start a collection of small yappy dogs…”

    Sounds cool to me. That’s what I do some days, some version of it: different book genres and small yappy bitches online.

    In the meantime, go Christmas shopping and get yourself a few gifts, have the story fancy gift wrap them too. I like having gifts to myself under the tree.

    If we’re opening gifts at somebody’s house I always take one along for myself and when we unwrap I do it in grand gestures:

    Oh, look here’s one for me…from ME….I wonder what it is…? hahaha 😆

    When I was a small child there was a Christmas gift unwrapping and I didn’t get a gift. How can adults be so stupid? I decided then and there that when I grew up that would never happen again.


  133.  #135Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 10:58 am

    I meant ” have the store fancy gift wrap them too…”

    anyway…get those gifts…. 😀


  134.  #136Simply Shannon on December 18, 2010 at 11:53 am

    Jennifer, I’ve been thinking about you and missing you. I feel happy to see you here but sad about what you wrote. That is officially jacked up about your brother and your mother. I call bullshit on both. (((HUGS))) I’ll adopt you! Come on down!!

  135.  #137Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    @129: Jeannette says:
    Any comments on #92? I feel upset and want to heal from this one…..

    @Jeannette says:
    “Girls, I feel rather sad tonight. I got a Christmas card from a boyfriend of two years. We broke up a year ago. The caption on the card read,”To My Dear Friend” Then it went on to say on the inside, “The good times we’ve shared and the special ways you’ve cared are among my warmest memories.”(written by the card’s author). Then he personally wrote, I wish you and your family a Blessed Christmas. Enjoy your new grandchildren. I know they are precious. With love, Marvin How would you take that? Why did he have a chose a card that said, To my dear friend? Would that make you sad? How should I interpret it? He lives long distance from me. He broke up with me a year ago. He said it was the distance. Should I respond in a e-mail or just let it go?…”

    There is no need to respond with an e-mail. The former man in your life sent holiday greetings and kind sentiments but no desire to rekindle a relationship with you.

    What would I do?

    When I’m in love I’m usually in love with myself and the whole wide world so I’d probably send a Christmas card in return just with “Merry Christmas, Happy New Year” and my name.

    Whichever way we parted, if I were in love and planning to marry I’d be grateful to my former lover for releasing me so that I could now be with my fiance.

    Then, I’d turn my thoughts to the man I love and invite him over to my house, make sure he was comfortable. If it were cold and snowing outside I’d light a fire or snuggle him up in an afghan I’d knitted and make him some tasty light refreshment.

    We’d hold hands and cuddle while we looked through the windows at the snow outside and the lights on the buildings nearby. I’d turn the lights off inside and we’d sit in the glow of the twinkling lights on my Christmas tree.

    I’d be as happy as I am right now but I’d be sharing it with someone I loved.

    We would sip a little wine, or eggnog, or tea or hot chocolate, whatever my sweetie wanted. We would listen to holiday music.

    Here’s one for you:

    FRANK SINATRA – “Let It Snow , Let It Snow, Let It Snow! ”


  136.  #138AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 12:06 pm


    How are your parents getting gifts for you? If they don’t steal or barter for them, aren’t you going against your principals by accepting gifts purchased with an illusion from people you don’t respect?

    By the way, do you charge for your services when you tutor?

    I’m not interested in reading post after post of other authors’ words, I’m interested in YOUR PERSONAL process.

    Are you congruent?

    BTW- I notice that when things get tricky for me and I am facing lies I tell myself I tend to slide toward sex and pondering all of the magical aspects of it because it’s much easier than facing my true conflict.

    My husband, on the other hand, turned to mind expanding substances rather than face his inner conflict.

    Ahh… Escape.

  137.  #139Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    SS…are ya sure? Apparently I’m socially awkward and there *MAY* be something wrong with my head.

  138.  #140Daria on December 18, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    Amber – I’ll try to say…
    They’re getting gifts for me by asking for them or else going to a store and picking them up

    Money does not pay for the gifts. The gifts are already paid for, they already exist!

    Money pays for the receipt!

    It’s paper for paper.

    Think about an alien from outer space who doesn’t know the concept of money.

    What does he see about how someone gets a resource?

    He sees a human go into the store, and the merchant gives them an item!

    Thats it! The item already exists in the store, the person has just to get it.

    Now the little shuffling exchange of papers…( money/check w receipt) That’s not really about the item!

    That paper exchange is to make a record to the “authorities” that the exchange was made.

    The same exchange could be done without record to the authorities!

    We could go pick up what we want, tue merchant gives it to u’s!

    The concept of money actually Limits (not expands) what a human receives. Instead of going and picking it up, there are now arbitrary symbols about who the person has to be, how much authoritary power he has (thru money) to Deserve to pick up the item he wants!

    Sone he may not be deemed Deserving of.

    When in reality, we deserve whatever we want!

    If we all create what we are passi

  139.  #141tinque on December 18, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    Jennifer – there’s nothing wrong with your head. these people just don’t know how to appreciate your brand of weird. I happen to love your brand.

  140.  #142tinque on December 18, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    SLV – I just want to thank you for all the fabulous youtubes you post.

  141.  #143Daria on December 18, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    If we all create what we are passiOnate about, and we pick uP what we desire or ask someone to helP u’s make new things…
    Wed still be able to get everything we want… Except there’s no non deserving, everyOne deserves what they want.

    Our real desires would drive what’s made,

    Not commercials or focus on money used by sone humans to suck our ‘wealth’ Ie deserving power.

    Money doesn’t exist. It feels weird. And nOw it strikes me as instrument of control… Stopping me and other humans from having what we want , thinking were undeserving, channeling our labor against our hearts desire,

    When in reality, we could easily ‘afford’ to have everything we could ever dream of wanting, all of u’s, and the makers will love to give it to u’s freely….

    As they already Do!

    When we go to a store!

    The paper exchange is a separate Record we are compelled to turn over to the government. It’s not helping or related to the actual Gift giving at all!

  142.  #144AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 12:36 pm


    You far surpass me in programming. Encrypted!?! I’ve never worked on anything close to important enough for that.

    Here’s to 2011 and your working from home!!! I am so excited for you!

    Are you planning a trip to Paris? You sound like you love it. I’ve never been, although my daughter says it’s wonderful. Maybe you can do some pen & ink sketches of Paris street scenes next year…

  143.  #145AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 12:42 pm


    IDK if you read my posts on the previous thread. I don’t need to be educated about the ‘money is an illusion’ school of thought.

    I feel insulted and talked down to.

    And I feel this is just another round of pointless words on a screen.

    To me you look fake. Which is funny, in a way, because it’s what you called your mother, so maybe I’m a mirror, or you’re a mirror or we’re all working through the same sh!t at the same time.

    I’m working on why it bothers me that you seem determined to stay exactly stuck in the place you are in.

    And I’d like to get through this, because I’m moving on and wont be here on the blog as much.

    You are important to me.

    So what can I do/say now that is in the intent to learn and love?

  144.  #146Daria on December 18, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    Slv – I don’t believe slavery ended in WWII either as apparently the same capture and hold method is being employed now against young males of certain ethnicities lifestyles…

    Now instead of being arrested for ‘vagrancy’ as in the book times – which they still are often arrested searched for – they are arrested for drug weapon possession which make up a part of their lifestyle (and thus there’s always a reason for arrest).

    Now they’re being held in huge camps Ie prisons. As someone said above, the camps ate a for profit Corp. That makes a profit per inmate… Their labor is not used as much as before… Labor not needed, maybe someone else somewhere can be paid less than 26 cents an hour.

    The book however only covers the period until WWII.

  145.  #147AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    How does Daria justify her continued dependence on the support of her parents?

  146.  #148AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    What judgements is Amber putting on that situation?

  147.  #149Dorothea on December 18, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    slavery still exists today, and the tomatoes in your taco bell, quiznos, and burger king, some kfc and some pizza hut were picked by enslaved workers in Florida. Some of those slave bosses are in prison now, thank God.

  148.  #150AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    Ah, Daria reminds me of ex-hubby. Who enjoyed smoking weed and espousing great ideals.

    Habits that cost me a house and my savings.

    Habits that resulted in my bailing his ass out of one bad situation after another.

    Habits that I paid for monetarily (and spiritually, energetically and physically) while putting his physics degree ass through yoga teacher certification and then two rounds of rehab.


    I need to forgive myself about this.

  149.  #151Dorothea on December 18, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    Amber, I feel curious why you care so much about Daria’s attitude toward life and her parents? What do you think?

  150.  #152Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    “Think about an alien from outer space who doesn’t know the concept of money.”

    Any alien from outer space would understand concepts of energy and matter exhanges or he would not be evolved enough to travel to our planet.

    The mere fact that something “exists” does not mean you can have it. You cannot have the yarn I am knitting into scarf; you cannot have the chocolates friend brought me from Switzerland, you cannot have the chameleon my grandson is bringing home from school, you cannot have the art calendar agenda I bought this afternoon to do my “calendar tool”; you cannot have the Christmas ornament that my granddaught and DDIL made for me.

    All these things exist but they do no automatically exist for you to take…unless we agree to trade for them and get something in return. Money stands in for the “something in return.”

    Daria, please do not decide to walk into stores and take what you want without paying for them because if you do you will deprive someone of their energy and matter without exchanging it for yours. That’s what “money” does.

    And if caught you might go to jail. 😯 We don’t want you to go to jail!

    Do you really believe these things or are you putting us on, pulling our legs?

    Perhaps you are just laughing at all of us… I’m thinking that is the case.

    Or as a friend of mine lovingly puts it “Check your pond. I think some of your ducks are missing.”


  151.  #153Dorothea on December 18, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    ohhhh i see. yes that makes plenty of sense.

    i love smoking weed and i spent the last 16 months as a director at a legalization organization and coordinate a major organization still and am working on a book about it.

    i also love having big ideals.

    i live my life very differently from daria, and i’m not saying that to say i am “better” at being an idealistic stoner, but to defend stoners everywhere from projected ex hubby related judgments about being an idealistic stoner:).

  152.  #154AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 12:58 pm


    I forgive you. I am sorry that you still feel so sad and hurt. I am sorry that I abandoned you by taking care of someone else instead of you.

    I am sorry that I didn’t take you away from a bad situation. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you. I am sorry I gave our heart away.

    I’m sorry I thought that taking care of him would make us feel better. I’m sorry that I believed we needed to be married. I’m sorry that I buried us in work instead of learning these lessons. I’m sorry that I thought making money would keep us safe. I’m sorry that I lost our house.

  153.  #155Dorothea on December 18, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    Daria is not pulling anyone’s leg. she is working on transcending from our anglo saxon protestant work ethic paradigm. since that’s not for everyone, perhaps there should be an agreement here to be very gentle about opposing priorities when it comes to money and work. compromise is good, says dorothea.

    I’m all about stealing from big corporations, and I invite you all to watch this video (please!) and let me know what you think about it:)


  154.  #156Dorothea on December 18, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    wow amber your forgiveness speech to yourself is gorgeous. i feel teary eyed. hugs to you and me

  155.  #157Daria on December 18, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    Amber – I feel annoyed and attacked myself.

    I am answering ur question. I expect respect and acknowledgement for that.

    This is how I picture things at this time. And I feel glad circuit chance to write them out.

    Apparently a part of myself is so triggered by thus concept that she’s seeing I’ll intent in my words. I forgive that part of me.

    I feel a bit scared and confused.

    What can we do so I don’t feel second guessed by your questions and you don’t feel second guessed by my answer?

  156.  #158Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    @139: tinque says:

    You’re welcome. I’m having fun and sharing. I try to note what each is so that sirens can skip over if not inclined to enjoy it. I put up different stuff so I hope everyone will enjoy some of them.


  157.  #159AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 1:09 pm


    This has pretty much nothing to do with weed and everything to do with the denial of the realities of life as we are living.

    I’ve got no problem with anyone choosing to partake in any substance. I’ve done a fair amount of that myself.

    I actually care about Daria. Strange – sort of – considering she’s just some letters on a screen. So I am bothered (aside from my own triggers) by the idea that I’ll check back in here in 6 months and see the same story. Yeah. OK. In typing that sentence out – I see it’s not healthy for me to WANT something else for her.

    So now I have to let it go and accept that she’s on her path.

    And keep working to heal myself.

  158.  #160Daria on December 18, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    For me I could have acknowledged that I felt second guessed by the question in the first place… And I also saw it as a genuine invitation to speak about myself and what I am perceiving.

    I feel really compelled to talk more about that now – for me.

    I had a cool experience when I was halfway thru the book that presented the concepts. I didn’t get them.

    I went out with sone friends… And suddenly I Saw them. I saw in slow motion the merchant pick up thing I described above, abd the separate paperness of the receipt money exchange.

    Money kind of shriveled up as energy to thus silvery ephemeral string stuff – like ‘dust’ in the golden compass trilogy.

    It dropped out Of what I was seeing in the world as a concept.

    This suddenly felt good – I felt more alive, more secure in looking at things and life directly, less panicked.

    I saw there were bushes of dandelions I could eat.

    I saw I had shelter.

    It felt strange, like being in the lion king. I suddenly felt mire in the Miracle – as per Rosas link – and I could share w my friends.

    It helped me look at a man clearer… As a protective companion that is good at resource getting and building.

    It was an awesome feeling it happened spontaneously.

    So I see that this is something that intrigues me. I feel magical abd alive when I have paradigm shifts.

  159.  #161AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 1:11 pm


    I don’t respect you right now. Respect is not like love.

  160.  #162AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    I can accept you. I can love you.

    But I don’t respect you.

    And that’s okay.

    For me, it’s going to be enough that I love and accept you.

  161.  #163Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    @141: AmberS says:
    “…You far surpass me in programming. Encrypted!?! I’ve never worked on anything close to important enough for that…”

    No, Amber. I am not a programmer! I’ve been using software that automatically encrypts; I would not know how to do that! Which is part of problem. s/w was throwing errors and tech asked for last b/u log. It was hidden in so many layers…I couldn’t even find the logs in Windows Explorer! or using DOS command prompts.

    We are talking about a dozen or more subdirectories each going down a dozen layers. Yikes. I did find another way… I’m damn persistent when pressed. But a lot of stuff just plain scares me. So, I then tend to procrastinate. Working on that…


  162.  #164Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    Are you planning a trip to Paris? You sound like you love it. I’ve never been

    I’ve never been either. I wish there were a way to go without flying over the Atlantic. I’ll have to psych myself up to go.

    Maybe I’ll never go, who knows. I enjoy reading about the art and looking at what’s available to me. I’m keen on architecture and other design stuff too.


  163.  #165Daria on December 18, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    Slv – if we all gave out – the stuff we Want to give – the stuff that makes u’s happy to give…

    And not expected anything in return…
    Then it would be enough for everyone! Thinking it wouldn’t is a fallacy- the deprivation. Scarcity fallacy that has sobhurt human kind and that spiritual teachers generally try to overcome

    Using money as a medium of exchange is ok in certain forms… But what if we didn’t Have to use it all?

    What if there Was enough for everyone to have what they want… And there Is!

    I don’t need to gave less for you to have more… Anymore.

    It’s a belief shift.

    It’s a paradigm shift into avatar world.

    I don’t need to ‘exchange’. I can just give, as someone gives to me.

  164.  #166Daria on December 18, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    Well amber Fuc’k u too then until you respect me.

  165.  #167Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    OH OH!!!!
    The TuT people are going on safari in kenya in Sept!!!!
    But it’s 5K!
    I wish I could go….
    I’ll will enough money….

  166.  #168Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    @146: Dorothea says:
    “slavery still exists today, and the tomatoes in your taco bell, quiznos, and burger king, some kfc and some pizza hut were picked by enslaved workers in Florida. Some of those slave bosses are in prison now, thank God.”

    And then there is all that stuff “made in China.” I strongly suspect made by prison “workers.” It’s so hard to buy stuff sometimes…

    And when I hear colleagues outsourcing commentary, I swear sometimes I want to slap someone.


  167.  #169AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 1:31 pm


    Do you charge for tutoring? If so, how can I respect you?

    You believe and preach one thing, but don’t live it.


    I am ABSOLUTELY certain that I do this in my own life, or it wouldn’t bother me about you. So the only reason you can’t call bullsh!t on me is you don’t know enough about me.

    It’s ok. I’m calling bullsh!t on myself. Now I get to find this in me…

  168.  #170AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 1:32 pm


    No thanks.

    Fcuk yourself

  169.  #171Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    @151: AmberS says:
    ” I’m sorry that I thought making money would keep us safe. I’m sorry that I lost our house.”

    Oh, Amber….. I feel for you. I’m trying to catch up on posts; when I first logged on there were few and I was watching YouTube holiday vids, now there are many and I’m out of synch I think.

    I hope we are all loving on each other…


  170.  #172Daria on December 18, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    I feel angry. I’m not here for you to judge. About who’s depending on who.

    Humans are generally interdependent.

    Anyway u don’t know shit about my family my role at home…

    Ever consider that my family Depends on me?

    That they may not beverage for me to leave them if ever?



    Are you going to next attack my mom cuz she no longer ‘works’ and her husband supports her?

    Are you mad because my dad works doing What He LOves?

    WTF. Get tha Fuc’k outa here woman.

    I don’t want your judgements on me and my family.

    “I don’t respect you” – kiss my ass then

    Did u think it’s cool to nit respect me or something?

    Hello I’m human. I deserve respect.

    And I don’t want to be asked trick questions that the asked doesn’t Listen and Hearcmy answer.

    I feel betrayed! I didn’t expect a fake question, bitch. Don’t respect me my as’s.


    People have nerve.

    Maybe I don’t respect your whining about this . Whine.

    Why do I have to work so hard and she doesnt? Whine.

    Well you don’t. Have to. You could not work like me, and be semi homeless and not have cash and depend on family and strangers for resources sonetimes.

    Which you already do.

    You depend on strangers to give u the go ahead to pick up the resources you want, to have permission to travel, sleep in the shelter you sleep in.
    And youre giving them your labor, and my guess is you dant like that or you wouldn’t be whining about it.

    And I’m not Anglo Saxon or Protestant rooted. So I’m surprised a bit at thus Protestant work ethic thingy.

    But I know where I’m remembering from there’s work hard and lots of control control traumas there. From the enslaved serfs and the overlord /

    Even from the patriarchal beating up the goddess invasions.

    I am a goddess I ride with Artemis.. Free in the woods we Live we don’t work.

  171.  #173Daria on December 18, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    I don’t necessarily charge for tutoring. I charge what ever anyone wants to pay, including free , for my target group which is the group I Want to help.

    When it’s not quite what I want to do, I have charged.

    I’m pretty sure thus is a misdirecting of my energies… Babysteps

  172.  #174Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    @162 Daria
    “I don’t need to ‘exchange’. I can just give, as someone gives to me.”

    Except that human nature being what it is and the uneven distribution of resources, even natural resources and recurring ones, we will have difficulty getting all of our needs met by relying on gifting or even barter.

    I do understand what you are saying. I did a lot study of many things in the 1970s.

    Don’t want you to get bogged down, my sweet…I’m on your side. I even had a blog several years ago on swaps etc

    I have a fun thing you might like to see, I’ll see if I can find it for you…


  173.  #175Daria on December 18, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    Plum – ganja is given to me freely by men now! For quite some time! Yay! For that.

    As I go about my day, sonetimes I have to give someone a proof that I am worthy – a proof in dollars and coins. Thus Doesn’t feel good. I know it’s just like showing my papers at an apartheid border or something.

    I want that control to go away. Babysteps.

    I Created it with my mind and I can uncreate it in a safe and happy way.

  174.  #176Dorothea on December 18, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    “And I’m not Anglo Saxon or Protestant rooted. So I’m surprised a bit at thus Protestant work ethic thingy.”

    what i mean by what i said is that anglo saxon protestant work ethic is something that colors our society here and various sentiments about work, worth, earning, entitlement, and on and on.

  175.  #177Daria on December 18, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    Slv – Except that human nature being what it is and the uneven distribution of resources, even natural resources and recurring ones, we will have difficulty getting all of our needs met by relying on gifting or even barter.

    This is a belief I choose not To hold.

    I think human nature being what it is and the level of evolvement and unity were reaching now soon we we will phaseshift into the next dimension of compassionate sharing and fulfillment.

    As of now, there Are enough resources. We don’t have to make 99% of the world suffer control to ensure our survival.

    We Are more aware and interconnected now.

    We will phaseshift Ie Evolve to enlightenment as a whole.

  176.  #178Daria on December 18, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    Dorothea – yes I know. What I’m saying is even though I wasn’t raised and influenced by that… Non Protestant work stuff was in many ways similar. I find it Interesting that thus cones up here in terms of Protestant work ethic.

    Muy interesting…

  177.  #179AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 1:57 pm


    I don’t have judgements about your family.

    And your assumptions about me are incorrect.

    And I’m not scared of the ghetto b!tch you unleash when you’re upset.

    And I still don’t respect you.

    Because you don’t get respect by demanding it. Funny, I think you said something about your dad pissing you off when he does that…

    I might sometimes respect that you are on your path, but today, in regards to this, I don’t feel any respect.

    Do you respect your parents?

    Do you respect George W. Bush?

    How about Idi Amin?


    Why not?

    I’m still working the respect thing out with my own parents. My dad, who was here staying with me for a week, and my mother, who is no longer alive.

    Where’s the line between the acceptance you give each human being simply for breathing on this earth, and respect, which to me, has to be earned?

    And can you respect someone who isn’t ‘congruent’?

    I can respect my dad, because although I don’t agree with him on say… ANYTHING, he walks his talk. Every. Single. Day.

    And no- I’m in no way comparing you to them, I’m using obvious examples to make illustrate my meaning.

    It doesn’t matter to me any more. You will figure your stuff out. I will figure my stuff out.

    To the extent that my growth is due to your words and behavior triggering me, I thank you.

    And I am sorry for not realizing that you are still working through this stuff.

    I apologize for ‘challenging’ you. That was not my right.

  178.  #180Simply Shannon on December 18, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Jennifer, to borrow Tinque’s quote, I LOVE your brand. I feel socially inept at times and all kinds of weird. We’ll be a matched pair. 🙂

    And if you’re able to travel to the South Lands, we’ll make Christmas cookies to give to those NVs of yours.

    I’ve got the adoption papers all filled out…

  179.  #181AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    See, when I read this:

    I am a goddess I ride with Artemis.. Free in the woods we Live we don’t work.

    And then read you complaining about your parents I do not understand at all.

    Because living at home is not living free in the woods.

    So I guess I’m not clear when you’re venting and when you’re stating fact.

    Not really getting it at all.

    But continuing to ponder YOU is not healing me.


  180.  #182AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 2:03 pm



    Are these judgements you hold about your family?

    Not stirring the pot, just asking

  181.  #183Daria on December 18, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    Jennifer – that would feel awful to feel shamed and rejected by my family for being open and big and brave and sharing what I want about my ladybits. Fu*ck them!

    It is empowering and inspiringvtobthe world to be more of myself. Even when they try to put me down – with the same nvs that are putting them down. I am brave. Healing starts from me!

  182.  #184Daria on December 18, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    Slv – whoa I feelcreally tightened up reading the post to Jannette.

    It sounds like the post is meant to make her feel bad about not focusing on her fiancé. Then there’s a while bunch if overfunctioning all the way from inviting him to turning off the lights.

    Maybe jamnete doesn’t want to focus on her fiancé (one man).

    It doesn’t sound like she’s getting her needs met with him.

    I would hope jamnete sends no response or a feeling message response that’s authentic to the ex.

    I also hope she starts circular dating.


    I felt tremble with anger readingvthe post to her. I feel kinda unsafe to share that… And I want to be honest

  183.  #185Daria on December 18, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    Living in a house is not living free in the woods For You.

    For me it is. My house is as I conceive it and always have of the wirld is in my village in the woods.

    Thus is a metaphorical spirit home in a way… And yet it’s real. It’s how I perceive life.

  184.  #186AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 2:38 pm


    Thank you for explaining that to me. I don’t want to keep triggering the cr@p out of you if you’re not in the mood.

    Should I stop bugging you or keep at it?

  185.  #187Daria on December 18, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    What’s happening is to me that our morphogenic systems are getting hooked up. So you are sensing and expressing some of the energies around me…

    So you can sound ‘coincidentally’ much like my nvs or past trauma situations I’ve had w multiple players.

    It’s not coincidental. It’s the energy of these judgements around me hooking up w you energy.

    It happens w me a lot w Lucy, when I have these intense feelings and seem to recreate patterns she’s had before. I’m hooking up to the energy around her and it gets expressed through me.


    At this time I feel a little tight and angry. I don’t like being told I’m not respected. That feels scary and terrible.

    I feel so unloved and distant hearing that.

    I feel surging with joy remembering how clearly I expressed the gift if the merchant and how clear the images were for me there.

    I feel excited to grow and expand my life joy from me.

    To grow and expand my freedom

    This means, no opposition. Babysteps ( which Mary croft is tweaking with). To not creating a bad guy good guy dichotomy.

    I want to feel hinted respected and loved for being me. I want to be seen and heard and adored.

    I live my voice. I love my voice even when it is horse.

    I love my voice even when I’m told to be quiet.

    I love my voice.

    I love my truth.

    I love giving and receiving freely.
    I love Non exchange.

    I love being clear on offering my gifts.

    I love sharing my info, my inspiration for freedom.

    I love how I feel when I honor My choice and My activities as divine.

    When I respect what I’m doing as the divine thing to do… Perfection… Not second guessing myself.

    I love the shifts I make when I stand up for myself for my life for my joy.

    I love how the world around me then shifts to accommodate an integral, strong resonant me.

    I love how I’m healing my family

    I live how I’m healing the terror of poverty that has affected our thoughts for thousands of years.

    I live how it just takes me.., saying the truth, living myself thru the storm of their fears.. And after when I still stand… They feel safe

    I love my blessing of my life being true magic

    I love my body

    I love me

    I love this being called Daria

    I love her bringing the gifts she has to the world

    I love how she makes my life magical

    I love how she rescued me from the ocean of despair

    I love how she laughs and joys and sparkles

    I love how shes pure pure color song soul beauty and beautiful ugliness

    I love the messy insides of her gutsy love the scent if the ground she stepped on

    I love this being so much I feel filled by her kindness and her wisdom and her love.

  186.  #188Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    maybe I should message judo man and tell him to put up a profile pic of him in that red shirt…cause it makes him look lickable.
    wonder what he’d say…

  187.  #189Daria on December 18, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    Amber – i dont want Bugging. I

    t would feel good to have emotional encouragement..it might feel cool to explore this stuff and our triggers in a mutually supportive way

  188.  #190Daria on December 18, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    I feel sad and misunderstood being seen as ‘complaining’ about my parents.

    I don’t want to feel this way.

    I want to feel seen and heard when I express that I don’t want to be treated and spoken to in a way that feels bad.

    Sometimes our fears of poverty are triggered. Sometimes it’s other issues like feeling embarassed in front of community

    Similar to jen’s ladybits trigger.

    I don’t want to confirm to eats not good for me. As jen’s situation shows me… The fears aren’t real… Hence her brother is not getting shamed and oppressed in that way…

    It’s just a habit we have, these fears .

    They’re just nvs in our morphogenic field.

    I don’t want them.

    And that might trigger them to cone out and attack me full force.

    And I then can love myself live myself as best I can.

    The fear is scared. I forgive it and embrace it.

    We are safe, and she has to see me feeling safe and string in the face of her scariest fear. Then she can relax and wonder… Maybe we Are safe. She looks safe. She lived herself in front of the Big Fear.

    She’s ok.


    I feel scared of the persecutions of humanity now. I know death is only a transformation now.

    And I still have fears, and still don’t want to die… I feel open to death

    I feel scared of many things


  189.  #191Rosa on December 18, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    Sirens I feel very uncomfortable reading some of these posts .

    I feel triggered by the intolerance here, overt or implied.

    I feel triggered by voices being hushed and shouted down even, when they attempt to write their truth.

    When Jeanette asks repeatedly (at least 3 times that i noted ) for feedback and Sirens give THEIR opinion I feel angry when those opinions are reworked . Daria I for one agree with SLV totally. I believe a Siren who is engaged and has her commitment to forever would likely act just as SLV suggests , giving back to her man after a whole lot of getting. And not only that but she would NOT be CD’ing with men, only with herself once she is committed. Thank you SLV for the reply card suggestion , I agree totally.

    Of more concern , I do not believe RESPECT can be demanded , expected , or manufactured.
    RESPECT is an energy like forgiveness.

    It flows from one to another when the actions of a person engender feelings of admiration for their inner qualities or their actions under fire..this is how I am currently seeing “Respect” not a dictionary definition. Being an energy it must be directed and flowed out of the giver , just as forgiveness also flows.

  190.  #192AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    Well I’m here. And I’m going keep on being me.

    Is there a difference for you between love and respect?

    I love Daria, too.

    And I love myself. I’m feeling solid.

    And you being willing to stay present here- I respect you for that.

    If I decided to keep posting at you without asking – that would be DISRESPECT in my book.

    I’m the second person this has come up with that I know. The assumption of disrespect of your family.

    It makes me wonder if that happened to you a lot or if you were afraid of it happening.

    I had some of that- because my parents were… different.

    For a while I hated them for being different and felt ashamed (when I was a kid). Then I got all badass about it and had an “I dare you to say something about them” attitude.

    Then I spent years feeling sad.

    That was my crap.

    When I read about your relationship with them I don’t have disrespect. I feel anger, because I don’t like the things you recount here (my stuff) like your mom talking smack to your dad about you while you’re right there. That feels awful to read.

    I was thinking about it over the past couple days and I wondered what would happen if you reacted like a kid? What would happen if you said, right then in the moment, that it felt bad and hurtful.

    Because you have said that you sometimes have the role of being the parent with her. And I thought maybe she forgets sometimes that it’s supposed to be the other way around.

    I’m feeling a little discomfort about posting about your family dynamics. I don’t want there to be confusion. I’m not talking smack about them.

    I know you’ll let me know if this feels invasive or wrong.

  191.  #193Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    @181: Daria says:
    “Slv – whoa I feelcreally tightened up reading the post to Jannette.
    It sounds like the post is meant to make her feel bad about not focusing on her fiancé…”

    No it doesn’t sound that way. I posted in response to her request. My post was about feeling good not about feeling bad; she was feeling bad by herself. As indicated by her posts, what she’s doing so far doesn’t seem to bring her much happiness.

    In general I post things I hope will bring happiness to other people.

    “…Then there’s a while bunch if overfunctioning all the way from inviting him to turning off the lights…”

    You judge it to be “overfunctioning”; I don’t. Jeannette once asked me what makes me happy and at that time I gave her some examples. This most recent post had more examples; it’s how I live.

    During the holidays I often have only holiday lights on; it’s beautiful. I do it for myself and if I had a fiance, i’d be sharing it with him too…as I posted. I’m proud of the households I set up for myself.

    I’d do all of of those little things for a man I was planning to marry, particularly one that I know has health issues.

    It’s a waste of time analyzing another man from an old failed relationship.


  192.  #194Daria on December 18, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    I think being engaged to a man I feel unsure about forever with would feel bad. I would want to get unengaged and cd.

    I would want to give back when I truly felt given to by my man.

    I would not answer a card from a man that felt bad except to share that I felt bad if I wanted to.

  193.  #195Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    I feel curious.
    I see my brother getting away with murder cause he says “really mom….go F yerself.”
    Always has. And she kisses his ass for it.
    You are seeing this as an utter lack of fear on his part and therefore he doesn’t get the same treatment?
    I also see that since he’s the only boy…..he does what he likes.
    What do you think?
    This is interesting to me.

  194.  #196Daria on December 18, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    I feel angry reading stuff about implied silence.

    I feel angry and afraid

    It seems to me this person wants Me to be quiet. I feel unsafe

  195.  #197Rosa on December 18, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    And Respect must then be received , as it is an energy , like love and forgiveness are energies. And like money is an energy.

    So Daria if you feel disrespected where is the block ? Is this energy then free to flow out of you towards others whom you give your respect to ?

    I flow respect to you for your agile questioning thought and your presence and persistence here during difficult moments and I trust you are receiving that. I withold my respect however when you use abusive language to a siren and tell her to F off when you are triggered .

    If you demand my respect and stand angrily with a void of un-respectedness shouting “F off” I find it difficult to do anything but stop the flow of my energy , all of it , just put up my shield.

    This allows me to see how the behaviour of lashing out , abusive language in others shuts me down and shuts down my respect , you guessed it Sirens ..its something I do too at times !!!!!

    I am going to now try filling the un-respected void with forgiveness and love instead Daria, I hope you feel it coming towards you . This will allow me to get back in energy balance too..

  196.  #198Daria on December 18, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    I dont feel good being told I’m bit respected.

    Everyone has a right to respect or not whatever they want.

    But I . Dont like it.

    I dint want to be treated without respect, told I’m not respected or Feel not respected.

    I feel angry and distant and unloved to hear that.

    I feel very helpless and desperate and floundering waving my arms hoping the love helicopter won’t really leave me here alone abandoned.

    I feel indignant that someone wouldn’t respect wonderful me.

    I respect myself and dont want those words in my energy life.

    I do Not want to be spoken that way.

  197.  #199Daria on December 18, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    Jennifer – I thunk it’s both

    One – he stands up for himself so mom feels Safe that he is safe

    Two – he’s a man, and there may be patterns in your family of oppressing girls and boys less in certain ways

    But I do think that standing up for self will help mom and You feel safe and even inspire the other women
    There may be upheval while you practice standing

  198.  #200AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    Now I’m going to tell a cool thing that happened while my dad was here. Because it was SOOOO damn cool.

    My family dynamic includes this awful habit of the backhanded compliment or joke. Because no one ever says their truth, for various reasons, and so there is anger and resentments and other negative things all packed down inside people. Years of it.

    So I’m in the car with my dad and my kiddo and we’re all over tired and frustrated. And she knocked the navigation down off the stand and my dad says “way to be graceful” or some such thing. It hit her really wrong and she got out of the car and was SO mad she didn’t want to get back in. Well- my dad was still feeling hurt because she had been really impatient with him earlier when he was trying to get the nav to work.

    So we took some deep breaths and sat there in the car and PROCESSED IT.

    Kiddo said she wanted to, so we did.

    She said everything she was feeling. My dad said everything he was feeling. And because we were open to learning & healing, it worked.

    We stayed in that open space the whole week he was here. It took MORE strength than I thought I had. I spent the whole week seeing him through the lens of another human being who wants to feel loved and understood, or at least loved and accepted.

    And if you know anything about my childhood, you know that love and acceptance were not a part of it.

    Anyway. It was awesome. And beautiful. And incredibly taxing.

    And we stuck with it all week.

    And he called after he got home and said it was the best vacation he’s ever had.

    And I’m crying now because it’s such a relief to have things healed with him.

  199.  #201Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    There MAY be upheaval….oh sista……..you don’t know the HALF of it.
    Thanks for the advice and observations.
    It’s funny…
    in my family the dynamic (as i see it) is very lopsided.
    Brother gets the $. If there is any.
    Sister gets the approval (she’s the “right kind of girl”) I get to go to work and look after them.
    Sister says that dad never has anything nice to say to her but he does for me.
    Yeah, well dad always did have a thing for the underdog.
    I wonder who I would be if I didn’t feel like the underdog all the time?

  200.  #202AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 3:47 pm


    Thank you for working through that to love.

    And thank you for saying that I am loving. I guess the other side of me is on display today.

    Sometimes when things here get heated it makes Sirens uncomfortable. I feel a little sad about that. But I also feel like it’s the kind of family I’m glad I’m a part of. I like that Daria can say f-u to me, and I can say it back. I wish there was a TRIGGER post category here so when these storms come through we could move them off the main page. Then they wouldn’t bother the bystanders.


    I am feeling protective of you. I don’t want you exposed to anything negative. I know you’re strong enough to take yourself away, rather than be affected, but I don’t like the idea of you having to take yourself away from here. This is a place of solace, usually.

    Do you have any ideas on this?

  201.  #203Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    oh, and let’s not forget that brother has a kid now….so he can walk around nekkid in the front yard clubbing baby seals for fun with a bat made out of endangered wood…….and he’s doin fine.

  202.  #204Daria on December 18, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    I also see ” I don’t respect you ” as feeling bad even maybe worse than ” fuc*k you”

    Everyone has their own triggers so to some Fu*ck you might feel worse than I don’t respect you

    They both my guess is would feel bad ESP depending on intent

    I have been part of a culommunity where… Fuc*k you birch is an appropriate response in many cases, especially when being told I dint respect you

    Surrounding society has sone views that castigate that community. It’s Bad to use those words, but not others.

    Nonetheless thus community uses them bravely and feels good about using them to express itself.

    I do as well.

    I dint want to confirm to judging it as not as good.

    I feel drawn down to despair when I hear judgements about it.

    My powerful ugly language is beautiful.

    I am beautiful.

    I feel afraid and sad to see my expressions judged and I stand in my fear and forgive my fear.

    I dint want the ghetto put down.

    Thus beautiful place if people living freely in the repression and oppression that can overcome them.

    The ghetto, ghetto words, frighten people sonetime, the ads and media are educating and inculcating this fear.

    Amber says she is not afraid of my ghetto words.

    That feels good.

    I feel respected by amber now, after the I don’t respect you exchange.

  203.  #205Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    telling judo man that the red shirt makes him look lickable is totally leaning forward.

  204.  #206Rachel on December 18, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    Wow … I’m realizing how very much I want every guy to adore me! I see/feel a man moving away and I feel horrible – like he didn’t really take the time to know me so how could he know already that I’m not the “one.”

    How do I heal this? What do I tell myself so that I can be ok with letting the wrong men go?

    I’m trying to remember that I’m the prize and that if he moves away, it’s his loss. But it still hurts and feels like I wasn’t good enough!

    Deep sighs tonight … sorry!

  205.  #207Daria on December 18, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    Amber – that sounds lovely! I feel excited!

    And backhand compliments have happened in my family too… Now intact this helpful label to notice them and speak about them! Thank u

    Backhanded compliments!

  206.  #208Daria on December 18, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    Rachel – it might feel good not to apologize for expressing your feelings (that sorry)!

    How else to feel that you are good enough…

    Well first, it might help to know that you’re never upset for the reason u think.

    Example : you think you’re upset by guy moving away from u but you’re not really… Youre Triggered by that. It brings up Old feelings of feeling abandoned and thinking you’re not good enough.

    Sonmaybe hugging that little girl that experienced that would help.

    Maybe visiting her in the stranger exercise or telling her

    Roris embrace poem.

  207.  #209Rosa on December 18, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    Thank you Amber for caring about my feelings.
    Of course all this is about our own “stuff’

    I have plenty of my own “stuff’
    This place is a short cut tool to find it fast as mostly its UNCONSCIOUs and out of our awareness .

    This blog is a chance to catch a hold of our insecurities , triggers , garbage and stare it down .

    Hopefully staying present here is a way to shorten the pain by YEARS 🙂 It feels that way .

    I just saw Daria doing “my ” thing – thank you Daria , and we all en masse processed it . And I think my whole episode of lashing out in anger when G-man disrespected me has gone a long way further into my past time line.

    Thank you Sirens !

  208.  #210AmberS on December 18, 2010 at 4:03 pm


    Thank you {{hugs}} I’m surprised that hurt was in there. I thought I was over it.

    What did you decide about school?

  209.  #211Senior Lady Vibe on December 18, 2010 at 4:18 pm


    I’m spending time at YouTube checking out holiday music vids; my wire is messed on my little speakers and YouTube has more choices anyway… 😀

    I’m onto Frank Sinatra; one of his Christmas albums was played a lot last night…it was kind of jazzy and nice. We also sang holiday songs to each other. I was in the 12 Days of Christmas group, day #8, we made up our own lyrics. So my choice was “on the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: 8 mothers shopping…” 😆

    The group that did “Grandma got run over by a reindeer” had the most fun, they had a mock Country Western hoe-down square dance complete with faux harmonica. A grand time was had by all.

    I was so excited and overjoyed when I woke up this morning, like a child waking up on Christmas morning. I have a lot of sentimental feeling about this holiday too.

    I had a really good time with my CD-me at Barnes and Noble today and doing some other gift shopping as well.

    I don’t feel so good right now on this blog, so perhaps I’ll share that part tomorrow…it’s exciting…well for me anyway…I get excited about little things. I have another holiday event tomorrow so I’m sure things will be jolly after.


  210.  #212Daria on December 18, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    My mom is doing yoga in the living room now! A first!

    A few weeks ago she said why am I doing my stretches in the livingroom!

    I feel happy!

    Jennifer… What I said about upheaval … Scratch that

    It’s all about joy and walking into joy

  211.  #213Daria on December 18, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    I feel angry at Slv. I notice her judging a lot, and I notice get brushing off instances when she’s made aware of it

    This triggers me. It doesn’t feel good. It feels ominous and intimidating and I don’t want to feel that way.
    Mi want to be free!

    I don’t want shaking language or thinly huffy language that feels bad.

    I feel desperately unheard about thus and small afraid and hopeless.
    Mi firgivecmysrlf for shaming others. For refusing to take responsibility fir myself. For thinking I’m better than. For intimidating. For accepting no feedback.

    For dodging reality or what’s good for me. For being stubborn. For thinking I’m better than. For making people feel guilty or bad. For not empathizing.

    For being scaredxand hiding behind a mask of dignity. For speaking authoritatively and not encouragingly.

    For being cold aloof mean pig headed and snobby and detached.

    For isolating myself. For not embracing my fear of not being good enough.

    Fir tensing my nano and my lips.

    I live ne and I wonder if I could forgive me

    I wonder if I were safe to forgive me

    I wonder what it would feel like to forgive me

    Ibforgive me for notcrealuzibg the miracle of attracting everyone andvlimitingvmysrlf with scary thoughts and believing them as realistic

    I forgive myself.

    I wonder what it would feel like fircforgivibg myself for nit accepting my fear for tensing up

    I forgive myself

  212.  #214Jacqui Olliver | Relations Strategist on December 18, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    Hi Rori,

    I am looking forward to moving from ‘unhinged and insane’ to powerful and peaceful. I have a tendency to give myself to a man, body mind and soul; and wondered why I always ended up with ‘friends’.

    I teach emotional and sensual healing; to accept, allow, feel and release. I have realized I would be too strong in my saying of what I wanted in a relationship – and what I wouldn’t accept.

    I see now that I was making sure I wouldn’t be hurt again – but I was also scaring some very lovely men away…

    I am learning from your teachings that I can just wear that boundary on my inside 🙂 without scaring a man away by telling him how it’s going to be… 🙂

    I love the way you take my teachings deeper. Sensual and emotional healing is powerful – but then one needs to know how to go beyond the healing into owning your power.

    Thank you Rori. You truly have inspired my creation.


  213.  #215Jeannette on December 18, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    Girls, I am just a little emotional because it’s Christmas time. I do love my fiance, but I can’t set a wedding date with him. We just don’t have much income between us and I’m a little scared. As I said before, I’m a mature older woman and I need security at this point. So, we’ll see what happens. My ex long distance makes decent money but as I said before, he broke up with me a year ago and then I re-hooked up with my beau from 40 years ago who is wonderfully sweet. I do love him it’s just the same ol’same ol’ no money and his poor health. So I’m just going to love him through the holidays and then we’ll see what 2011 has in store. I havn’t contacted my ex long distance ex since he sent the Christmas card.

  214.  #216Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 6:01 pm

    Daria……walking into joy. I feel interested in that. How dat works?

  215.  #217Daria on December 18, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    Jennifer – it’s like rori says…

    I believe I will walk into joy, and it will simply be… Joy

  216.  #218Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 6:25 pm

    Ahh………so what if the “reality” clashes with the belief. Like…I believe I will walk into joy by holding boundaries with my mother. Then I get my face slapped.
    Now what?
    I’m all down with the LOA. For real. I’m wondering about the times when we don’t get what we believe.
    I never quite bought the “you didn’t believe hard enough line”
    What do you think?

  217.  #219Daria on December 18, 2010 at 6:58 pm

    Jennifer – it’s like the upheaval

    The ‘testing’ of the new belief energetically

    The increased behavior that we don’t want ( as Hobey mentions happens in behavioral therapy)

    Then we must again reaffirm to ourselves that Yes we Will have what we want… So we view the deterioration in some way as a sign that were getting there!

    It’s like the grumbling men do about no gf! It’s a good thing! It means they next will want to propose…

    It helps u’s solidify our beliefs…

    Just like what happened to me here earlier

    So we just reframe – for me, oh my parents are fighting I choose to see this Somehow as a Good sign that truth is brought to light –

    Keep reaffirming what I want

    Keep focusing on walking into joy…

    Then stuff clears out like minesweeper and

    We start receiving what we want

  218.  #220Simply Shannon on December 18, 2010 at 6:58 pm

    Websters translation:
    “Bullshit”: a noun

    Reading or hearing those words feels shitty. I feel really mad and disbelieving and surprised. I feel frustrated as all get out. I don’t want to feel bad. I don’t want to believe that. It feels really bad.

    “F*ck you”: a verb

    I feel angry, and I don’t want to process this right now. I do not want to be talked to this way. Until I can come up with words to express this rage I’m feeling, I’m going to walk away.

    I love colorful language; sometimes it feels much more succinct and efficient.

  219.  #221Daria on December 18, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    The reason I said scratch the upheaval was because the upheaval was generally lighter than the original trauma that I got scared of

    So even tho there seems to be upheaval in a way… It’s actually just the same pattern showing up… Not upheaval

    So if I’ve been able to be with the pattern in the past and be alive now, I cam be with it now to when I assert my new belief

    Then the pattern may try to scare me test my boundaries and I hold fast and support myself and

    It vanishes because it was just an illusory belief I created in the first place and I’ve made the change

  220.  #222Simply Shannon on December 18, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    Jennifer, What kind of boundaries do you have with your mother? Maybe the one you want to implement is that you won’t be around her if she hits you. Words:

    I feel really disrespected. I don’t want to feel that way. I love you. You’re my mother but if you hit me again, I will: a) not be around you anymore or b) call the cops.

    That would feel AWFUL to be hit especially by a parent. I’m sorry you have to deal with her anger.

  221.  #223Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    SS…than sounds nicer that what I have done in the past…which is smack her back. In fairness she hasn’t hit me since I was 19 or so…it’s just my expectation.
    Daria………hmmm escalation before extinguishing yes, behavior 101. I’m trying to reconcile Abraham with behavior 101.
    Abraham says if I choose not to see it…it cannot be.
    But I think in this instance…..if I stand and refuse to allow it…it will not be…which is what you were saying.

  222.  #224Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    but I may be over thinking it
    It may be as simple as the law of the jungle….people will do what you allow them to do.

  223.  #225Simply Shannon on December 18, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    Fear of being hit would certainly be a strong motivator to keep me from voicing my truth (which may sound negative to someone else).

  224.  #226LonePlum on December 18, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    172: Daria

    In Europe, cigarettes and alcohol are given for free in students parties.
    Brands sponsor the parties. Students have fun, all the poisons for free.
    Once they are adults and start working on their own, they are hooked, they can’t stop the alcohol, or cigarettes.
    They are ready to pay a fortune to keep getting it. That’s when the brands get their money, during the life time of all these ex students.

    During these wild parties and also in some neighborhoods, and within some high school court yards, drugs are also discreetly given for free.
    Once the youngsters are hooked on a drug, the drug is not given to them for free anymore.
    That’s when the dealers ask the youngsters to do whatever they want, and the youngsters give up their freedom to become slaves of the dealers because they can’t live without the drug.

    Which reminds me, by the way, the drug industry is one of the most slave related industry.

    You say
    *** sonetimes I have to give someone a proof that I am worthy – a proof in dollars and coins. Thus Doesn’t feel good. I know it’s just like showing my papers at an apartheid border or something. ***

    I feel curious at how you relate the money in your hand and your worthiness.
    It is just money. It does not say who you are at all. It is not like papers at a border.

    When you pay for ganja, the dealer does not give a damn what you are worth
    The money becomes his, the instant he grabs it. The money does not speak of you at all, it speaks of his projects he can accomplish with it now.

    You may have earned the money finding the cure for AIDS which is what makes you worthy, not the money.
    You receive money because while you search for the cure for AIDS, you are not growing your food in your garden and you might starve.
    You are being thanked with money so you can buy food from those who did grow food and did transport it and did stock it in their shops for you, while you were searching a solution for their health.
    It is an exchange of services.

    The money allows them to buy the things they can’t be making themselves because they are busy growing your food and transporting it and stocking it and selling it (selling takes time too)

    The money is the proof somebody did do something for them while they were working for you.
    Yet the money does not say it is you who did it or what you are worth.

    I might only be a second hand, using somebody else’s money.

    May be I raised a family. I created new consumers/makers. I should be paid by society for that work, as a matter of fact lol but well, it is not happening, so my husband might have given me his money to manage the family.

    May be I did not even raise a child, but my husband thinks I am worthy because I make him feel worthy. That’s my husband privilege to give me the money. Money is freedom, he does what he pleases with it.

    My parents might have given it to me.

    I might win the lottery which does not make me worthy, yet it makes me free to enjoy life paying others to work for me. They like to be paid for their work. It keeps them free.

    I might have had sex and be paid for it.

    I may have stolen a bank,

    Money is not a proof of my worthiness.

    The guy who takes my money at the shop does not give a dam who I am, he forgets me as soon as I am out of there.

    Money is freedom and safety

    I can’t make bricks and all the sophisticated material to build a house
    and I am happy to pay for others to spend hours inventing machines to make the materials
    and then inventing machines to build elements
    and then to pay men who can put the elements together and make my home etc….

    If it was not for money, I would have to do it all myself, I would probably be dead and I am not kidding.
    I am totally ignorant of how to survive.
    I can’t make fire with stones, I have never been able to.
    All I can do is work within my ability that does not bring me a roof on my head or food or anything.
    When I am done, I get money.
    And I pay with the money for my roof and my food.
    I even paid for my daughter’s needs without having to learn how to make all the things she needed.

    Money is my freedom.

    Money is my health , my security that we all live loving each other within this society.

    Others’ skills protect me against my own ignorance; They make me safe and happy with their work.
    I could not do it myself alone.
    I am happy to pay them the product of my work. They need me to pay money.
    Money is their freedom.

    But paying with money does not say who I am

    I might have made money in china, making children work 12 hours a day until they die of exhaustion.

    I might have killed people and enslaved others in the drug industry. The money I give to the store does not say where it comes from ( unless the government checks the numbers lol)

    I might have produced enough wheat to feed the whole state and got my money from that hard work; this makes me worthy, but it is not written on my money.

    I might be on disability money, my dollar is worth the same dollar given by a worker or a dealer, it buys the same good.
    I might spend it on good stuff or waste it on bad stuff. The use I make of the dollar is not the dollar’s fault.

    A dollar is a dollar, no mater who holds it.
    It is only a handy tool towards freedom, comfort and health.
    Which is a good base for happiness.

    It is the personality of the people who use money to slave and kill others that cause hell on earth, it is not the money itself.
    It is the personality of the people who use money to hurt themselves that cause their life to drift away, not the money itself.
    If money was not used, these people would still find a way to make hell on earth

    Which reminds me, I wish ganja would be legalized because not only you give money to people related to murders, prostitution, torture and name it you have it, but you take a risk for your health.

    You have no idea of what cutting agents are added in the product they sell you.
    And it does not preserve well, so it can develop mold and other bacteria.

    I would never eat or drink or smoke anything sold in the street and whose processing and packaging is not checked by any health minister.
    There is enough doubts with the food industry, I would not add this one.

    I was offered a pill when I was young;
    I thought my friend was kidding me. I would never eat a pill given in a party, with no idea where it comes from and what it really is made of;
    What made me laugh is that I was not ill, not needing any extra element in my body, why were all these people putting things in their body?

    On another occasion, I was also offered to smoke from a joint
    I tried it.
    I felt upset as I lost control of my real feelings, the sensations were artificial, I was cut from the real people, locked in my artificial mind, unable to share, which is counterproductive for a human being, and the opposite of freedom

    I never again tried it.

    Besides, even if given to me for free, I thought of the suffering around drug traffics.
    The world is complicated enough, there are so many things I can’t help. So if I can avoid adding to others’ hell, I do.


  225.  #227Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    reasoning chain
    People will do what you let them away with (dr Phil) + staying calm and in your truth is the way to defuse tension (rori) therefore..these two ideas married should work well = boundaries.
    How, then to work them together…..without all the emotional stuff.
    Cause I get caught in the emotional stuff and have to leave the room cause I cry.
    Crying = not good communicating.
    But then let’s examine the logic of that.
    Could crying = good communicating?
    What if the response is not comforting?
    My sister is not comforting … therefore my mother will not be?
    Let’s look at past history…..past history is the best predictor of future behavior (dr phil).
    When was the last time I cried in front of my mother?
    Last summer….but she was just in the room….I was crying at dad.
    What was her response to that? Stood across the room. No contact.
    might have been some back patting.
    um….further thinking. I DID tell her that if she and dad couldn’t get along that they would have to see less of me cause it is too painful to watch them be miserable with each other.
    What was the reaction?
    She was crying.
    So…historically………..setting boundaries gets me guilt.

  226.  #228Rosa on December 18, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    Jennifer interested to read about walking in to joy dilemma.

    I wonder how it would feel walking into JOY , the emotional feeling state of BEING ,

    without any attached BEHAVIOUR , ie not DOING anything about your Mum , bro etc..

    Just walking into a state of Joy ..I am trying on my joy shoes now as I go down to eat hot muffins my 19 yo son just baked and referee the disposal of any remaining chocolate chips to basso profundo excerpts of “Good King Wenceslas” …(2 bag tall boys with gorgeous voices

    Hmmm joy level rising … !!!

  227.  #229Simply Shannon on December 18, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    Plum’s story reminds me of something I’ve been thinking about lately. A very good jumping off point. I don’t believe the drug industry is the most slave related industry. Not by a long shot. I believe US consumerism is the biggest slave related industry.

    I grew up being given the following things for FREE. And as an adult, I believe these things are MUST HAVES rather than the luxurious they really are:

    Abundant food
    A warm bed
    A house
    A car
    More than one pair of pants, shirt, shoes, underwear
    A coat
    Air conditioning
    Christmas presents

    I could write pages of the stuff I have built my life upon. Stuff that I BELIEVE I must have. Stuff that is harder than drugs to stop believing.

    No presents for Christmas? What?

    I’m having to babystep my way down from this because I cannot break my habit.

    My parents started me on this crack, and it feels REALLY hard to quit. Almost impossible.

  228.  #230Simply Shannon on December 18, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    Jennifer, Have you enforced that boundary with your mother and father?

    I have found this website to be very helpful. Boundaries are not just words. Boundaries are guidelines along with consequences.

    Personal Boundaries

    There are basically three parts to a boundary. The first two are setting the boundary – the third is what we will do to defend that boundary.

    If you – a description of the behavior we find unacceptable (again being as descriptive as possible.)

    I will – a description of what action you will take to protect and take care of your self in the event the other person violates the boundary.

    If you continue this behavior – a description of what steps you will take to protect the boundary that you have set.

    One very drastic example (in the case of someone who is just learning about boundaries and has been physically abused in the past) would be:

    If you ever hit me, I will call the police and press charges – and I will leave this relationship. If you continue to threaten me, I will get a restraining order and prepare to defend myself in whatever manner is necessary.

  229.  #231Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    I’m having trouble with the cursed hows.
    As mike dooley would put it.
    HOW am I gonna sustain this joy…when my mother seems to see fit to smack me down?
    The easy answer is……just let it go.
    But I have done…and have done….and have done….and keep getting my asskicked….emotionally.
    The things she thinks are all right to say to me….gak.
    “you’re just a big woman…no dress in the world is gonna fix that…but I love my big strong daughter.”
    “people are asking me if you are all right in the head”
    “these underpants that I just bought are too big for my ass…but they might fit you.”
    “I don’t know where your gloves are, wear your father’s, you have man hands anyway.”
    Bla Bla Bla……
    So then it looks like I should be setting some boundaries.
    But Historically I just stuff it down till I snap…..then I attack…..and it’s ugly.
    Trying to find a middle ground.

  230.  #232Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    Thanks SS…..
    Checking out the link now.

  231.  #233Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 7:44 pm

    Here’s the other thing
    When I blog about this I feel like I’m wallowing….like I should just get up and shake it off and keep walking.
    but that seems hard when her attitude affects the rest of the fam.
    Like my sister thinks it’s ok to tell me in the middle of the judo christmas party that I’m an “asterile” which is something she saw on House…some sort of psychiatric disorder.
    This feels overwhelming.
    No wonder I wanna hide in my apt.
    Freakin fambly.

  232.  #234Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    hey Shannon………..what kinda cookies ya gots?

  233.  #235Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    And *I’M* the one with supposed poor social skills?

  234.  #236Simply Shannon on December 18, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    I feel weird and am spamming the blog right now to keep myself from leaning forward.

    My CD from last night… felt really good being with him. Gentleman, good guy, tall, good kisser (kissed very briefly and not uber passionate which was good for a first kiss). Then today he calls and backs out of going to church with me tomorrow. I know we’re going to a hockey game at noon and he’s got something to do in the AM, but man, I feel bummed. Really really bummed.

    My NVs just said this is how it begins. He’s going to flake on you Shannon, just like Mr. Fab Kisser. Plus I am PMSing like a son of a gun. Frig. I feel very hormonal and very bummed.

    I told him though. I do feel proud of myself for telling him but now I feel bad that my words came off as guilting him into coming. Ugh.

    It feels difficult to be unattached to the outcome when I like someone. Thank goodness for circular dating. Babysteps. I did tell him I felt bummed. Breath. It’s okay. We’re good Fear. All good.

    I even told this guy about my “I don’t want to work” possibility. And his answer felt really good. I felt so surprised by it.

    Ugh. I still feel like a big baby for being so bummed about church. Church is like the most important part of my week. I don’t miss it unless I am deathly sick. (literally once, maybe twice this past year). And he’s missing it because he wants to work in the morning before we go to the hockey game.

    BOOOOOOOO to working. Double effin’ boo.

    God is more important than work. And yes I believe I need to be in church on Sunday.

    Ugh. Reframe:

    I feel excited about church and being there with other people who want to be there. The ones who sacrifice sleeping in and whatever else in order to be there. I want to be with someone that God matters that much!! Yes. I will have that. And God said Amen.

  235.  #237Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    You can has this.
    You can.
    You can has Church man…and letting you stay at home man.
    You can.

    This is how my roomie and I talk.
    So now…we’re like roomies.
    I got’s shortbread with chocolate.

  236.  #238Simply Shannon on December 18, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    Jennifer, what would a babystep using Rori’s tools look like with your mother? Or maybe practice with your sister if you feel safer with her?

    Or practice here. What would you say to your mother or sister? Maybe start with all the mean nastiness you wanna say but are afraid to (i.e. the “snap” part) and then work it down to something you might actually say before you get to the “snap”?

    I feel sleepy and am headed to sleep now but I’d like to read your words if you care to share.

  237.  #239Daria on December 18, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    Jennifer – well if u are seeing it as Yay this is a sign that I get what I want – you are in effect not seeing it

  238.  #240Simply Shannon on December 18, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    Hehe! Jennifer, you can has some cookies of the chocolate chip variety. Theys in the kitchen, smellin’ supa fine.

    And this week, I’ll be making magic cookie bars, amongst other stuff.


  239.  #241Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 7:57 pm


  240.  #242Daria on December 18, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    Loveplum – i read this:

    ” 172: Daria

    In Europe, cigarettes and alcohol are given for free in students parties.”

    And I hear:

    Daria – you are wrong I will try to drain your energy and discourage you and weaken your new belief

    (which is ok a I’m taking it as a sign of what I want)

    But that’s the way the energy felt to me starting the post.

    I feel curious about this.

  241.  #243Jennifer on December 18, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    I will blog out the snap.
    I will
    but now…I think I need sleep.
    Nope…….pretty sure actually.

  242.  #244Daria on December 18, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    Jen – whatsup?

    Ps – love live live that soft part that feels embarassed to blog and thinks it is not good enuf for not being masculine and toughening up

  243.  #245Rosa on December 18, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    Plum your essay on money made me feel good !
    I feel good about spending and good about earning.

    Money to me is like forgiveness and respect and love , it is an ENERGY. It is not the paper, the coin..these are products only . Money acts like energy . It is neither created nor destroyed. We give and we receive , not always in proportion to our work.

    It is received and passed on, it flows like all energy ..
    Sometimes you work for it , sometimes it just flows ..this is happening to me right now as I am getting a trauma insurance payout for cancer diagnosis.

    I did not work to get this money , unless researching policies and filling in a form 6 months ago counts as work. Filling in claim forms and calling them has felt like a little work.I did pay out some money energy for a few short months of policy payments. But the universe is sending me money energy in much greater amounts ..it is flowing abundantly to my great joy ..it is energy flowing into my life.

    I use this as an example. There are other times in my life such has happened.

    I believe if we encourage money to flow , by willingly spending for services and goods and the labour of others hands , we make space for more money energy to flow into us .

    Most of us need to start the flow by creating a space by giving out our energy in the form of work , thus allowing inflow of energy ..
    I believe when i work and request payment I am saying I am deserving and ready for this energy to come into my life.
    And when this has been happening a while , other energy (monies ) seem to be attracted as well and its like a WATERWHEEL coming at me as long as i receive it and keep giving it out .

    Hmm , now I am wondering about string theory and money ..

  244.  #246Daria on December 18, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    Jennifer – how I do it is…

    Keep loving myself If I’m attacked

    And take Babysteps

    Ie: that feels bad I don’t want to be talked to that way

    I also do ‘dramatic stuff’ like leave and go for a walk, or lick my door…

    At first I was ridiculed criticized told I’m being utterly disrespectful

    Last time it was accepted!

    Babysteps just Babysteps

    Today my mother didn’t want to watch a horror scene in a movie… Only I did that and I was told it’s silly… Now it’s accepted!

    My dad has been using boundaries and feeling statements in a man sense w my mom

    I’m telling you… This stuff works

    It just takes lots of little Babysteps – but hey- that’s our path – it feels good to be on it

    And remember to reframe to : this is a good sign! Even in the pit of despair

  245.  #247Rachel on December 18, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    Daria… thank you! What are Rori’s embrace poem and the stranger exercise?

    Your words felt comforting. I know I have abandonment issues.

  246.  #248Daria on December 18, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    I don’t think – I won’t be around you… Is a boundary it seems like an ultimatum

    The boundary is

    I don’t want to tolerate being treated this way. Or put down. Or talked to like this.

    And the enforcement can be walking away , hanging up, etc

    But unwound not give them ultimatum choices – that feels weird and I would feel controlled and closed down hearing that

    Remember that what they are tormenting you with is what torments them!

    So when they see you being different, that inspires them to be free too! Healing!

    We don’t have to earn… Triggers people to… Hear… But I have to earn it’s what good people do! Then they can attack the “offender” with their own nvs… As those nvs are passionately embraced and loved… They heal too… And so does the other person

  247.  #249Daria on December 18, 2010 at 8:13 pm

    Rachel – stranger is an exercise in Toxic men

    The embrace poem you can find on my blog by clicking my name… Thenscrollvdiwn to go back in the posts a few

    It is called truthlovemagic I think.

  248.  #250Daria on December 18, 2010 at 8:16 pm

    Jennifer – very important:

    Crying is Excellent communicating. Believing u have to leave the room or that it’s not will hurt you.

    Crying is one of the best things that can happen – in terms of communicating it shows your feelings in an authentic way and brings up compassion, also allows everything to heal faster.

  249.  #251LonePlum on December 18, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    225: Simply Shannon

    I hear you and I agree with what it means to you

    Yet you are referring to the effect of the drug itself: in your example, you follow an imposed dream and you can’t let go

    I was referring to the dealers themselves
    In your example, if you stop working, your government gives you welfare money, I think

    It does not send police men to kill you and rape your children as punishment for not working anymore

    In your example, you stop making sex when you wish to stop and you chose with whom you want sex. You are not forced by your boss to sleep with imposed men. (lol most of the time)

    You chose your activity and if anything is illegally imposed on you, you can sue your boss. It can’t always be done, but you get my drift,
    At the worst, you leave your job and find something else to do. Nobody chases you to punish you.

    At the worst your government sends you welfare money.

    Dealers not only will not give you money when you quit, but they might punish you.
    They punish you while you work, you don’t even get the nice house, and they punish you when you quit.

    In your example, you decide if you don’t need that much money, you are free to change your style of life. You are free to switch your state of mind.

    But dealers decide for you. You do what they say and it is final. Unless you want to be hit.
    It is called slavery.

    It involves thousands and thousand of people in different countries, who are badly treated, manipulated, exploited, tortured, prostituted, killed, all the way to the final destination: a user.
    There is world wide red behind each little bag of illicit product.


  250.  #252Daria on December 18, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    Shannon – to me, these are necessities

    Abundant food
    A warm bed
    A house
    A car
    More than one pair of pants, shirt, shoes, underwear
    A coat
    Air conditioning
    Christmas presents

    I can’t imagine why you would want to change this for yourself.

    I think these items are indeed our birthright as humans.

    I feel glad to see this spelled out so clearly.

  251.  #253Daria on December 18, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    I love Ganja.

    It is a holy herb.

    I love the blessings of narcotics.

    Like all powerful magic they require wisdom to be used in a way that brings happiness.

    Like scissors they can cut not only what you want… But your hand. They must he used with skill and care.

    I trust the street. I am the street.

    I trust street ganja like i trust food as it is given to me… By a store clerk or a farmer.

    I trust myself to take care of myself.

    I forgive myself for casting chains on myself. For using fearful judgements to lock me in.

    I can ask people who want to build me a house ( I do that even now – that’s the Truth of what occurs)

    There’s no need for money… And no need even for Exchange.

    I only ask and it is given.

    And I give My gifts in freedom as well – because it beings me joy.

    Money is used to draw the power out of this love giving – in a certain direction. And make me think that I can’t have everything I want.

    That I must pay and earn.

    When I am born free I born goddess to have and create all I want.

    I deserve everything.

    And now the skills and unity of mybyuman folk is that we can communicate all and imagine all and share what we want. There is enough for us all we are one.

    We are all going to evolve out of the horror of believing in not enough. And were gonna do that soon the wave is rippling. Babysteps.

  252.  #254Daria on December 18, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    dealers and their violence are not worse then the violence of control government.

    They are a reflection of that.

    Dealers are human.

    Many are freedom loving humans that they are themselves captured and enslaved in prisons.

    The world of poor people is the world of dealers. They are villified. I don’t fall for it. I feel it out firsthand.

    Free (poor) people who live as oulaws outside the control of those who repress them as much as possible until they’re captured and locked up or killed.

    Under stress of always evading capture.

    Ugh I feel so angry that the lies about them are so well told and widespread.

    I want a tongue to ring out my truth deep and ring the bells in human hearts and shatter their false beliefs lice ice chains.

    Or melt them slowly like a hot spring – that would be Babysteps.

    I know personally over a thousand dealers in countries all over the world.

    I love some of them.

    Sone may say I’ve been a dealer myself. They may be right.

    Fear of capture fear if being authentic fear of death by tupac assassination.

  253.  #255LonePlum on December 18, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    238: Daria

    I doubt European cigarettes and alcohol industry give their products away to students just to make Daria wrong 😉

    I am telling my experience as a student’s mother in Europe.
    Cross my fingers, my daughter does not like to be taken for a fool, she did not accept the gifts.
    Her mother was double fool, I actually PAID to poison myself during a few years.

    What is your new belief? The money attitude is new? If so, I can’t think you are wrong or right, as my post is saying I don’t understand what you feel.
    I really feel curious why is money related to an apartheid border or to your worthiness?
    I don’t succeed in seeing what you mean.


  254.  #256Daria on December 18, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    Loneplum – I feel sad that I feel unheard and I’m unable to hear you.

    Then we lose energy fighting each other instead of being able to discuss a way that accomplishes both our goals ( safety and happiness) in a way that feels healthy and good.

  255.  #257Daria on December 18, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    Ok now ive shifted and the rest of the post is about hearing.

    Ok money is like apartheid border papers in that it documents for the government- here as a controlling organization/entity- an event ( someone giving something freely)

    The document is in the form in the receipt of a sinature… A receipt… A checque… A dollar bill ( which is also a signature document by the treasurer)

    This gives the government power to control that event

    Whereas it could happen freely anyways – a person giving someone something .

    This is a mindshift for me. I never saw money that way… But now I do….
    It helped me to see what’s really happening. A person gives someone something they want.

    And acrecord of the transaction – Ie the papers money receipt exchanged – is also done.

    And the government draws power from that.

    The same event …

  256.  #258Daria on December 19, 2010 at 1:07 am

    I just got back from a cd. We went to play pool but this time it was not so fun… I felt bored and my energy felt jagged. My energy wants me to do body emulsifying stretches.

    My body wants to feel emulsified.

  257.  #259Daria on December 19, 2010 at 1:10 am

    That’s why, if you’re considering turning a
    friendship into more with a man who seems totally
    INTO you, you can’t just start with SEX.

    Especially if YOU haven’t given him a thought
    as a romantic partner yet.

    You have to start with DATING!

    Make him act like a suitor.

    Start with a kiss.

    Move slowly.

  258.  #260Daria on December 19, 2010 at 1:11 am

    start with a kiss

    move slowly!

    this is what i have been doing!


    with my cds

    without even remembering rori had said this


    i got it i got it

    of course

    i start with a kiss

    usually not followed up by many more kisses

    just one kiss

    is overwhelming

  259.  #261Daria on December 19, 2010 at 1:48 am

    i was doing the push all the stuff i dont want out my body and let it form in front of me exercise

    each breath felt like i was vibrating it got to be a strong skull cleaning breath (this is in yoga breath of fire)

    then i tapped thymus , halo , 3rd eye

    i accept this

    i accept my attachment to this … feels good

    i accept my identificuation to this (feels good too)

    i accept the past story of this (i love this part)

    and i accept the future story of this (yes)

    and now i feel good

    i get to keep the peace and joy flowing thru my being

  260.  #262Daria on December 19, 2010 at 1:58 am

    i love this exercise

    maybe i can do it in a public bathroom on a cd where i feel insecure and drained?


    id feel embarassed in front of others

    when others i can do a silent EFT of affirmation

    i feel safe

    i feel good about myself

    i feel good with the level of attention im giving myself

    i felt so triggering to be in my body – i kept jumping into my toughst — interesting deep thoughts

    and i felt like i just wouldnt stay in my body

    i felt uncomfortable to have everyone’s attention and i felt so drained attempting to be in my body

    i feel disappointed that i felt bad in that way

    i feel good that i babystepped and noticed

    this is a good augur omen


    when i think… another sexy man like sexy cd is gonna contact me soon

    i start feeling sad and squeezed my heart before or after the thought no he’s not?


    a sexy cd is coming (excitement)

    voice : no he’s not



    a sexy cd is coming

    what if it were true he’s coming (sounds like je*sus carols)

    what if it were true he’s coming

    what if it really were true

    what if it were true he’s coming even if i hear the voice no he’s not

    what if i shifted my energy to feel he’s coming?

  261.  #263Daria on December 19, 2010 at 1:59 am

    sexy cd is coming

    is coming

  262.  #264Daria on December 19, 2010 at 3:03 am

    Loneplum and all pieces of me –


    I doubt European cigarettes and alcohol industry give their products away to students just to make Daria wrong ;)”

    this feels bad. ifeel like OH! and pull back, wrap my cape around myself

    cover up huddle up


    i feel sadness after

    oh no im not seen im not understood im not LOVED!

    this kind of communication feels bad

    i dont feel good… even though it feels much better that it is a joke than if it was not

    does it?

    it still feels bad underneath

    it feels like shaming Daria and bullying her into saying oh no of course not. of course its not all about me


    i want to remind myself

    it is all about me

    and there is no wrong or right


    this feels bad

    i don’t want to be talked this way when i want to build connection

    i dont want to be talked to this way when i havent agreed to “debate banter game”

    i dont want to talk to and play debate banter game when i feel so vulnerable

    as i do

    about this now

    i feel like a chick trying to convince others

    we will fly!

    and theyre like

    dont be silly only mama flies

    cant u see we have short wings

    and im like

    we will fly!

    and they take their fears of not flying

    and dump them at me

    for being the one who declares it that we will fly

    and i feel overwhelmed

    by their fears communicated in a way that feels scary to me

    i feel scared and alone and lonely

    i feel disappointed to feel this way

    i dont want to feel this way

    i want to feel fun and surrounded by love and inspiration and encouragement and acceptance

    and rythmic movements and sounds and sights and smells and electric freshness reverberating and rejuvenating my bones

    i want to feel excited while doing my stretches

    i want to feel pleased and grateful doing them

    i wan to feel UGH groan it feels so good

    i want to feel delight and wonder

    i want to feel wow i feel so delighted to find myself doing these stretches

    i want to feel drawn to stretches

    i want to feel satisfied awed and fulfilled with the level of stretching i am giving myself

    i want to feel emulsified and elongated and pleased with the contours and feelings of my body

    i want to feel joyful and deeply relaxed and smooth

    and soft

    and rhythmic

  263.  #265Rosa on December 19, 2010 at 4:36 am

    Just went to amazing 3 hours carols … I am blissed and blessed . I got front row seat as special guest because of surgery . Was organized and conducted by sons friend . Soloists were gorgeous .. I feel Christmassy at last !

  264.  #266Janie on December 19, 2010 at 6:27 am

    Hi Rori,

    I’ve been reading your blog and bought your e-book and they have both been so helpful! I do find myself in a bit of a dilemma here and would so like your help. I’m sure my situation will be somewhat of a trigger to others.

    I have been online dating for the past few years. I haven’t done lots of dating with it as it seems I rarely really meet interesting and attractive men through it. I really feel like I have had lots to learn in getting comfortable with men as it seems like I have gone out with a lot of unavailable men over the years.

    The main man in my life (for three years) has been unavailable in the worst way. I didn’t know it initially, however it turns out he is married. I have known for some time now and it did make me angry and hurt my feelings and yet I have had the most difficult time completely ending it. I have learned a lot from this relationship and yet of course I want so much more! The holidays are difficult because of course I don’t see much of him.

    However, once again there is another man on the horizon who I think could be a really good match for me. This guy has been a set-up by mutual friends. I’ve been told by mutual friends that he is going to be asking me out to dinner very soon. We have lots in common and we have spoken on the phone and I’ve been doing the lean back very well.

    There are a couple of things here that I”m concerned about. One is effectively breaking things off with my married lover and the second is how to talk about my previous relationships with the new guy. And the third is that I’m afraid of getting involved with another emotionally unavailable guy and how do I keep from doing that?

    Again, I have avoided men a lot throughout my dating life (I’m 40) because I didn’t like how I felt when I was involved with men. I had too much anxiety. I couldn’t focus on other important parts of my life. I just stopped doing anything else and mostly felt awful. So, I concentrated on me mostly for years with short bouts of dating and/or crushes.

    So, now I feel like I am so much better at “doing” relationships and got my biggest practice on a taboo married guy. I don’t feel like most people let alone a new possible guy could be okay with that. Yet, it is the most recent and most consistent relationship that I have had.

    When the questions come from a new possible guy about the relationships that I’ve had, what do I say? All the others for several years have been just a few dates up to several weeks, crushes, or friendship.

    I feel like I’m a late bloomer. My parents didn’t get along when I was in high school and split up when I was in college. It was all very painful for me and I knew I was missing out on learning important love lessons of my own, but didn’t know what else to do. Can you give me some advice here? I would really appreciate it.

    1. How to effectively end the affair (he keeps coming back and doing nice things for me when I break things off and we are involved in some other areas of our lives although I do not know and have never met his wife or kids)

    2. How to talk about my relationship history to a new potential guy when the most recent guy who I’ve learned the most with is the taboo married guy and I don’t have many other relationships under my belt.

    3. How do I get away from the pattern of unavailable guys? I’m afraid of getting involved with another man who even if he is not married is actually emotionally unavailable as it seems most guys I’ve gone out with have been.

    Rori, please help!


  265.  #267Senior Lady Vibe on December 19, 2010 at 6:28 am


    A guy from Leeds, UK is over at YouTube vigorously working to upload “Upstairs, Downstairs” episodes.

    I send a bless you and a thank you to the Universe that he will be successful. I think he’s been shutdown before and is rebuilding from a wipeout, as I am. That’ll drain you!

    The “Upstairs, Downstairs” episodes are such a treasure, maybe, maybe he’ll squeak through.

    I have a few favorites. The “Mistress and the Maids” is up. I don’t know about “On Trial” which starts it all. “Board Wages” is good too.

    I hope he can get to “Key of the Door” before he’s pulled!! I think that’s in first series so it’s possible. If so I’ll post the links.

    I’m feeling excitement! Glory! I have to catch train for Christmas program and I’m not even dressed!

    Here’s that guy:

    xoxoxo to all

  266.  #268Jennifer on December 19, 2010 at 6:51 am

    daria…I said ????? Cause you said:
    “Jennifer – well if u are seeing it as Yay this is a sign that I get what I want – you are in effect not seeing it”
    And I wasn’t sure what you were referring to.

    Heres something interesting.
    B emailed me. We’ve been emailing.
    He rambled on about what is going on in terms of Holiday parties and who got drunk and did what stuff….pretty funny actually.
    He told me what he got his family (which is interesting cause when we were together he was pathologically unable to shop for his family)….
    then he asked what I want Santa to bring me……other than John Mayer naked on a sailboat in the carribean making me sushi?

    What just happened here?
    Does somebody suddenly know a) my fave singer, B) my dream vacation and c) my fave food?
    When the FRACK did that happen?
    The closest we ever got was to this was he bought me a John Mayer Cd. But refused to allow me to play when he was home…..talked OVER me when I was telling him about the barefoot windjammer cruise I wanted to take and expounded on the disgusting nature of sushi.
    And suddenly he’s making a semi joke about the things I like in a positive manner?

    Is it the end of the world and y’all didn’t tell me?
    Geeze you guys, yer supposed to let me know when hell freezes over…..

    I feel suspicious.
    I feel squinty eyed.
    I feel like………..what’s the trick?

  267.  #269Jennifer on December 19, 2010 at 6:55 am

    And isn’t THAT nice?
    Somebody says something nice to Jen and she’s immediately suspicious.
    How Da FCK did I get so jaded?

  268.  #270Rosalie on December 19, 2010 at 7:18 am

    I posted this but awaiting moderation…


    Hi dear,

    I feel for you. I have been this way. I was told that he wants to see me going!!! WTF??? Who is he to tell me where to go and what to do??? Who is to control MY life??? Is he my husband? No!!!

    SG, I hope my story can help you. The first part of my story is here, I posted under an other name:
    And the follow-up is somewhere in the posts of 2-3 month here. Long story short, finally he reported me to the police based on false claims and now he is enjoying his success that he got rid off me….
    Brava, I say… He managed to get rid off the only person in the world who loved him. I can onlysay congratulations to him. It was me who had a good riddance. He never loved me.

    Now I’m in a place where I take care of myself, I used my masculine energy to get out of this situation. He is truly toxic and I don’t want to hear about him anymore. I’m starting to CD soon (I was busy with work and university and still be for a short time)

    I have my strong boundaries. I see my girlfriends’ guys who cherish the girls and roar the boat!!!!

    SG, please believe me you don’t need this guy!!! You don’t need THIS! You don’t want to be told where to go and what to do… If I could get out of stuck, you can.

    I love Daria’s “Fuck you” attitude sometimes and I could absolutely use it. Maybe other Sirens have different insights, I hope they share it with you/ us.

    I want to say THANK YOU to Frenchkitty for her constant personal help, support and FRIENDSHIP to me!!!! <3
    She is a real fairy and godsent angel to me.

    SG, please read/google Plum's comments here. She is absolutely amazing, brillant, right to the point.

    I'm at a starting point now… It took me ONE YEAR!!!! Troubled with ALL kinds of feelings.
    YOU CAN GET HERE!!!!! GO GIRL!!!!! And let me know how you are feeling about all these!!!

  269.  #271Rosalie on December 19, 2010 at 7:19 am

    Why am I moderated????

  270.  #272Rosalie on December 19, 2010 at 7:20 am

    I posted this but awaiting moderation…


    Hi dear,

    I feel for you. I have been this way. I was told that he wants to see me going!!! WTF??? Who is he to tell me where to go and what to do??? Who is to control MY life??? Is he my husband? No!!!

    SG, I hope my story can help you. The first part of my story is here, I posted under an other name:
    And the follow-up is somewhere in the posts of 2-3 month here. Long story short, finally he reported me to the police based on false claims and now he is enjoying his success that he got rid off me….
    Brava, I say… He managed to get rid off the only person in the world who loved him. I can onlysay congratulations to him. It was me who had a good riddance. He never loved me.

  271.  #273Rosalie on December 19, 2010 at 7:21 am

    Now I’m in a place where I take care of myself, I used my masculine energy to get out of this situation. He is truly toxic and I don’t want to hear about him anymore. I’m starting to CD soon (I was busy with work and university and still be for a short time)

    I have my strong boundaries. I see my girlfriends’ guys who cherish the girls and roar the boat!!!!

    SG, please believe me you don’t need this guy!!! You don’t need THIS! You don’t want to be told where to go and what to do… If I could get out of stuck, you can.

    I love Daria’s “Fuck you” attitude sometimes and I could absolutely use it. Maybe other Sirens have different insights, I hope they share it with you/ us.

    I want to say THANK YOU to Frenchkitty for her constant personal help, support and FRIENDSHIP to me!!!! <3
    She is a real fairy and godsent angel to me.

    SG, please read/google Plum's comments here. She is absolutely amazing, brillant, right to the point.

    I'm at a starting point now… It took me ONE YEAR!!!! Troubled with ALL kinds of feelings.
    YOU CAN GET HERE!!!!! GO GIRL!!!!! And let me know how you are feeling about all these!!!

  272.  #274Dorothea on December 19, 2010 at 7:42 am

    daria, #238

    i think you’re trippin? i think she was talking about other ways slavery exists and comes to exists, as a way of agreeing with you about slavery still existing?

    in other news

    i have been feeling WEAK TIRED FRAIL
    and i have been honoring that feeling
    even if it means potentially “letting others down.” they will forgive me. and if they don’t, well that’s just silly.

    in other news
    “When you pay for ganja, the dealer does not give a damn what you are worth
    The money becomes his, the instant he grabs it. The money does not speak of you at all, it speaks of his projects he can accomplish with it now.”

    i don’t pay for ganja. dealers give it to me because they KNOW my worth. i don’t have to pay and they don’t want me to, because they see my worth as a professional freedom fighter for ganja.

    this is very interesting how the energy and intent of a profit-driven individual can shift when presented with other forms of worth in the right combination/quantity.

    maybe if i worked my butt off to make healthy and organic food available to as many people as possible, i would find myself eating for free the way i find myself smoking for free.

    when i was a party girl who was a “fixture” at a particular club, I drank for free and got in for free, always. wherever you dedicate your energy and commitment, i think abundance comes through the people around you towards you accordingly. but at least for me personally, you can only have this kind of focus in one or two areas at a time.

    when i was working locally and traveling around nationally to train workers about their rights and how to have more power in a sh*tty workplace, workers at businesses I frequented never let me pay. they knew my worth.

    everything’s flexible. even monetary limitations.

    wow i feel so inspired remembering all the magic and love that sustained me and still does today.

    i feel so good about my righteous life haha.

  273.  #275Luzydel on December 19, 2010 at 7:45 am

    I was talking to a guy who is a friend and he said that how a woman expect that a guy proposed to her if she is dating other guys. How can he trust a woman to marry him if she is no sure of him. He said He will a marry a woman he can trust and is devoted to him like she to him and that this idea of CDing until someone proposed is delusional. He said CDing is good when a man is just another date, but not in a committed relationship…That is a man’s opinion. What do you think?

  274.  #276Dorothea on December 19, 2010 at 7:54 am

    rori does say that if marriage is on the table and you’re moving toward it, that’s ok. it doesn’t HAVE to be a proposal. however, if for YOU it does have to be a proposal, then you should cd until one has proposed.

    btw, my friends, guys AND girls, always tell me i’m crazy and delusional to not get exclusive with any one man without a proposal. it feels awful to have them not support my decision. but, even though the guys i date will not like it and will grumble about it, they still don’t stop seeing me when i say i won’t be a girlfriend. so everyone can think what they want:P

  275.  #277AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 8:11 am


    Thank you for the shoplift link yesterday 🙂

    I’m interested in your take on it. I agree that corporations are mostly evil – although there are exceptions to every rule.

    I used to embrace the ‘take back’ theory. As time passes I feel more and more that taking back only serves to keep me entangled in the evil web.

    For me, it doesn’t fit with my core guidance – First, do no harm.

    I feel that ‘the greater good’ doesn’t counter the pain I feel in my soul when I approach life in an us-vs-them way.

    I am open to seeing it differently, but this is where I’ve arrived in my process now…

  276.  #278Luzydel on December 19, 2010 at 8:12 am

    I personally do not like the idea of CDing until marriage. I will do it until I have a serious relationship and we have discussed this. If a guy is not sure about me then I will CD. But that is just me. I would like to know if CDing until marriage has worked for some people here…

  277.  #279AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 8:13 am



    I feel joy bubbling out of me when I read this.

    Grinning, looking in amazement at the miracle joy.

    I hope these memories help your body feel stronger!

  278.  #280Dorothea on December 19, 2010 at 8:55 am

    “For me, it doesn’t fit with my core guidance – First, do no harm.”

    my take on it is that complacency is a form of harm-doing. not that i am not complacent myself. i don’t steal, except from dumpsters, which IS a form of crime. grocery stores throw out massive amounts of edible food, still packaged, but they lock their dumpsters or have underground ones.

    such a waste.

  279.  #281Jeannette on December 19, 2010 at 9:20 am

    What do you suggest if you would like your guy to be more “goal oriented”, then he is…..I know….chances are he isn’t going to become that way if he already isn’t. I don’t want him to feel criticized but he is just happy collecting disability. He was this way before he even got sick as well. Kind of just doing his own thing. Playing his guitar and in bands as well as working in stores. Is it being simple or being lazy?

  280.  #282Jennifer on December 19, 2010 at 9:22 am

    I am with Dorthea about the throwing out food deal. This (and a few other issues) come close to counting as sin in my book.
    Throw out food when children go hungry?
    People who work for second harvest?

  281.  #283Dorothea on December 19, 2010 at 9:23 am

    jeannette, when you ask if it is being simple or being lazy, that is not a black and white question. it depends. does your fiance talk about things he wants to do, or is going to do, once he gets the money? is he always saying he wants to do big things but doesn’t put in the work to get there? those are lazy people. they annoy the f*ck out of me.

    on the other hand, simple is just simple. not pining for more than what you have. sounds nice, if you ask me.

  282.  #284Jeannette on December 19, 2010 at 9:26 am

    Dorothea, he’s the second one. The only thing is, I don’t want to be the only bread winner between us if we do get married. That will get old.

  283.  #285tinque on December 19, 2010 at 9:26 am

    Jeanette – You already know the answer to this question. You cannot change someone. You can help them if they ask for your help, but if he’s happy being as he is, nothing you say or do will change this. If anything it will make him want to dig his heels in even deeper or worse drive him away.


  284.  #286Jeannette on December 19, 2010 at 9:31 am

    Tinque, that is true….I’ll just have to figure out what I can live with. I know I am not perfect either.

  285.  #287Dorothea on December 19, 2010 at 9:37 am

    jeannette i think this is a scary issue for you so you’re probably looking at a very big picture/concept, and feeling anxious as heck about it.

    what if you broke it down a bit more? what is it that you need to be the bread winner for? is it bills? is it wanting to save money for the future? is it traveling?

    once you have something specific to ascribe a monetary value to, you can go from there. you can say to him, i really want to take a vacation next year together. can we sit down and figure out how much that will cost and what we need to do to do it?

    or, i really want to feel security for the future. can we sit down and figure out what kind of savings our new family needs to feel secure? then you can compromise on levels of “financial security” and talk about where there are financial holes.

    with something specific like an emergency savings or a vacation on the plate, he may very well want to step up and help make it happen, as long as he is involved in deciding how much money is needed and that he wants it too.

  286.  #288Jeannette on December 19, 2010 at 9:40 am

    Dorothea, thanks that is great insight! Will ponder it…I just don’t want to paying for all the major bills that come in…want his participation….

  287.  #289Dorothea on December 19, 2010 at 9:52 am

    why don’t you want to be paying for the bills? is it because you want to use that money on something else? is it because it makes you feel yucky and used?

    perhaps the problem is not this man and your working, but you having too many bills haha. maybe you could tell him, i feel so excited that you proposed to me, and you are a wonderful man, etc. i have been feeling so anxious about financial stuff, can we sit down and figure out everything together? then you can look at together where the money needs to go for your new family. you will find things like cable tv or an extra cell phone or magazine subscription that are truly “optional.” you can talk about how important these things are to both of you, and if they are important, how to provide financially for those needs. again, once you have something concrete, and not just “you need to work cuz it’s what you should be doing,” he will very likely feel more than happy to do his part.

  288.  #290Brenda on December 19, 2010 at 9:54 am


    You don’t sound in love with your man on disability. Did you ever see “Meet Joe Black”? I love the description Anthony Hopkins gives his daughter on the helicopter about being in love….did you ever hear that?

    “I want you to levitate…”

  289.  #291Brenda on December 19, 2010 at 10:50 am

    Do we ever make exceptions for him coming to meet us in our area?

    I just got off the phone with a CD, Surf, who works about 35 miles from me, but he’s not from this area and doesn’t know this area. At first he said, “Would you like to come hang out?”

    The old me would have been all waggy and said, “Sure!”

    Instead, totally out of my comfort zone, I told him I prefer him to come to me at least the first time. He said, “I don’t know the area at all! I know the highway in and the highway out. I know how to get from my home to my job and back again. Would you like to come hang out?”

    I gave him the broken record, totally cringeing!

    Once AGAIN he said, “I don’t know the area.”

    I paused, very uncomfortable, paused some more, and I finally said, “Well, maybe we should just let it go.”

    He said, “Ok, what is it Brenda?? Don’t you want to meet me?”

    I said, “Well, I would, I just prefer a man to come to me the first time.” I was practically doing somersaults with discomfort, and I felt my face all red!

    He said, “What? Would you like to give me directions then?”

    I felt like saying, “Stupid idiot! Look on mapquest!” But instead I said, “Sure!” I gave him directions, and then he said, “Ok, well maybe I’ll see you Monday or Tuesday.”

    When a man is THIS resistant to coming to my area, should I just cave? Or meet him halfway?

    I really am totally unattached to the outcome, and so I stuck with RR’s suggestion experimentally. What do you all think?

  290.  #292Lorelei on December 19, 2010 at 11:02 am

    Hi everyone

    I’ve been reading the post here again. . . and I have a question. Rori is saying that it might be good to experiment with a very unusual situation – date lots of men, but only have sex with one.

    But, I am beginning to get into a situation where if I go on seeing the two or three men who are ‘around’ for dates etc, and where tentative kisses might begin to be exchanged, and maybe a little more.

    I already feel turned on by the whole process of CD-ing, and sort of turned on, in slightly different ways by the different men. And I feel I want to experiment.

    But I cannot begin to imagine being in a situation where I am being kissed several different men on different days . . I would feel like the whore of Babylon. Not saying there’s anything wrong with what others do . . and maybe I do need to experiment. Certainly I do . . . But these things take on a momentum of their own . .

    But what does Rori mean here? Penetrative sex with one, and polite kisses on the cheek / handshakes with the others in the rotation? Full sex, staying over etc, with one, but kissing and cuddling with the others . . .? Full sex with one, but a little more than kissing and cuddling with the others, just not full sex?

    Sex isn’t just one thing . . .

    I cannot get what she means here . . .

    What experience do other Sirens have on this one . .?

  291.  #293Lucy on December 19, 2010 at 11:27 am

    Brenda, some guys aren’t as internet savvy about finding directions, etc. I think you did great with him.

    Lorelei, I did the whole thing about sex with one and kiss all the others for awhile, and for awhile it was okay.

    But then I got to a point where it just didn’t feel good for me personally.

    Now, I may wait til marriage to have sex again.

    I also suspect I won’t feel like kissing many CD’s.

    Not sure how to articulate why.

    It’s just what feels good and right to me for me for now.

  292.  #294Lucy on December 19, 2010 at 11:32 am

    “Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are — chaff and grain together — certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.”

    — Dinah Mulock

  293.  #295Lorelei on December 19, 2010 at 11:37 am

    Brenda @ 284

    Brenda, having made your stand, and expressed your feelings, I would leave it now with him . .

    If you now lean forward and offer a compromise (e.g. meet half way), which as far as i can tell he hasn’t asked for, that could give him the idea that you crumble easily. I’ve heard on here that some people do meet half way . .

    Is there room here for more of , “I feel more comfortable knowing in advance when we would meet . . ” Monday or Tuesday sounds a bit vague.

    It’s great that you feel so unattached to the outcome . . . enjoy relaxing and leaning back to see what his energy brings you …?

  294.  #296Rori Raye on December 19, 2010 at 11:38 am

    Janie – you’re only hurting yourself with this guy, because it’s causing you to feel shame, guilt and want to hide the truth – when you need to be a DIVA and tell the truth ALWAYS…if anyone ASKS. And this is all about practice. Get Targeting Mr, Right – it will teach you how to USE Circular Dating to make a faster change in the results you’re getting. Love, Rori

  295.  #297Rori Raye on December 19, 2010 at 11:39 am

    Jacqui, Welcome, and you sound wonderful. I love hearing your insights and following how it’s going for you. Love, Rori

  296.  #298Rori Raye on December 19, 2010 at 11:43 am

    Daria – you okay? You know I don’t like the “drug enhancement” part of this…. if you need it for pain, I want to help you incorporate it so it doesn’t trigger you this way. It completely shifts your reality and makes you feel way less able to make good decisions, from what I can tell from your posts. Love, Rori

  297.  #299Leo on December 19, 2010 at 11:44 am

    Hi Ladies!

    I just got home from a weekend at my man’s.
    All in all: It was a lot of fun (went hiking on saturday, LOTS of snow, long distance, much fun).

    But there were quite some situations in which, I think, I acted totally wrong.
    I am doing better with leaning back and living my “own” life, when I am at my home. But when I am with him…I still have sooo much trouble.

    Lets pick an exmaple:
    I am the youngest child in my family and around them, especially around my mother, I mostly acted the way she wanted me too. I never wanted to cause much trouble or bad feelings (there are different reasons why i acted this way).
    So still now, I am 21, she and my stepfather (especially when my older brother is there too) treat me like this little child who does all the things wrong, knows nothing – so every comment kinda gets ignored. If someone else would have said this comment – everyone would have laughed about the joke.

    Sooo often I got admonished or scolded, or still get.
    So there is the trigger now…

    There was one situation where i did something while we were watching a film and he was closely paying attention and i totally shocked him by it. Then he got pretty annoyed and I almost immediately started to cry a little. I didnt understand… I mean… you can go back in the movie and watch the part again.

    I didnt know how to handle it. Just keep eating dinner, go out, hide, “get new food” and go back…
    He saw how I felt, sad, and said it wasnt that important to him to mae me cry, he so didnt wanna do that.
    And I told him, I felt sad but it wasnt really about him.
    Then he said: He felt sad that he is able to trigger this feeling (cause he knows about my “role” at my family’s).
    Later I thought… he probably is especially able to trigger me cause I totally do not expect HIM being in this “superior” role of scolding.
    Thats why i get triggered even easier.

    Well a similar situation happened again.
    I dont know how to handle it…

    Another thing was:
    When he was sitting at the computer doing his stuff, I didnt tend to the dishes or whatever, but sat down and enjoyed my book big time, enjoyed myself. Quite a couple times he came over, sat down on the couch and snuggled with me.
    I SOOOO enjoyed this, loved it. That was me leaning back.

    But he didnt want to have sex… I miss being close to him in that way. He didnt kiss me much either.
    He was just very snuggly.

    And i dont know how to handle that either. I know I am not suppossed to initiate anything. And I did quite a good job.
    But I want to be wanted…..

    I feel helpless right now… and miss his affection.

    I let him tend to me, set the table, cook, make me tea, bring it to me, I enjoyed it much and always said thanks.

    But I feel so helpless about the sex part…
    I still feel so helpless in the situations when I am with him. I mean… I want to act in the right way…

    Thanks for reading this.
    It felt good to write it down.

  298.  #300Rori Raye on December 19, 2010 at 11:50 am

    snowqueen – Welcome – and the comments are not really traditional “comments” – we’re not about “thinking” here – or opinions. We’re about learning to get into our feelings and express them – and about creating safety here as best we can. Therefore, many of us here (me included) use this blog as a JOURNAL we can share with each other. That means stream-of-consciousness “Riffing” (The tool is in here in the Power and Self-Esteem section). In other words, we’re WORKING my Tools here – odd as it reads. Give it a try and see how it feels – the interaction makes it a community, a support group… You already ARE a PART of the party! Just share, journal, ask for help, share your feelings about other’s feelings without offering help or opinions…and see what happens! Love, Rori

  299.  #301Leo on December 19, 2010 at 11:53 am

    Oh and….”insecure” was the word I was looking for besides “helpless”.

    I feel so insecure in some situations when I am around him…cause I know the old patterns dont take me anywhere but I sometimes dont know how to react differently.
    Often, very often, I cant describe the feelings I am feeling. And when I then tell him like “i am confused” he wants to know why. But i dont know… And when I cant tell him he kinda gets a little frustrated and pulls back with the sentence “well why did you then tell me” (cause he doesnt trust me that I do really not know what I am feeling and why).

    A little earlier we were IMing after I got home, and he told me besides some other things that he felt quite insecure this weekend but enjoyed e.g. the hiking very much.
    When I asked him what he was thinking about the feeling, he said he doesnt know why he felt insecure, partially cause of me, partially cause of himself.

    I feel so insecure and sad right now…
    I miss his affection for me on the physical level…

  300.  #302AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 12:15 pm


    I feel a little pissed at your reply. Maybe I didn’t communicate myself well.

    I’m not a complacent person- so when I see that word I feel WTF? ICK, what an insult. Perhaps you weren’t calling me complacent.

    It’s not First, do nothing – there’s a big difference between doing nothing and doing the work to determine what action will do the least harm.

    Do no harm is a step back, to look at the ripples of effect that every action creates. Because the immediate result of an action is often appealing, but the long term effects…

    Choosing where to shop, choosing what to buy, basing those choices on the health of myself & the planet… and taking the action required to support local commerce and fair trade.

    Those were much easier for the 32 years I lived in California. Here in NJ it takes more dedication and effort. Sometimes I’m too selfish to make the effort. I forgive myself for that. This is when the ‘do it for your kids’ hits home for me. At this point, it’s more my potential grandkids I’m thinking of.

    I love how WF here doesn’t lock their dumpsters. The local Starbucks (not overall good) also gives away their outdated stock. They’re an exception. Yay for exceptions!

  301.  #303Jennifer on December 19, 2010 at 12:23 pm

    Dear Santy Clause.
    I have been a good girl this year….I haven’t smacked nearly ANY of the people I’ve wanted to.
    For Christmas this year I’d like a module of bowen training,
    Some juicy CD type men. Like that have jobs and language skills and stuff. Who don’t think I’m a dork, maybe even think I’m sexy. Dudes with a little of that Alpha Male vibe…me likey those, who wanna take me on adventures. They should know how to treat a lady and look after their mammas and sisters. They HAVE to be good with kids. HAVE TO BE. They have to be good at massage and FANTASTIC kissers. Bad kissing kills my horny.
    I’d also like a new fantastic pair of boots, and some sexy silky jammies.
    Thanks Santa….oh, and FYI I know where to get gourmet cookies if I get the stuff on my list *wink, wink*

  302.  #304Brenda on December 19, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    Lucy and Lorelei,

    Thank you! I feel so much better about it. It sure did blast me out of my comfort zone to insist that we meet in my area.

    By the end of the call, I was thinking, “What a self-centered wimp!” I really wasn’t into tying down a day and time. I am actually hoping he doesn’t call me again, and I think if he does, I’ll say no thank you.

  303.  #305Brenda on December 19, 2010 at 12:33 pm


    I totally love that quote! Thank you! I collect quotes and wisdom!

  304.  #306Brenda on December 19, 2010 at 12:34 pm


    Cute letter to Santy Clause! LOL!

  305.  #307Daria on December 19, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    Hi Rori – you know, for a long time I felt confused about ganja and drug enhancement as you called it.

    Recently I had some powerful life shifting revelations about this. I see ganja as a holy blessing, and I set a powerful intent with it .

    As a shamanness and priestess I feel very grateful to this herb and it’s friendship and patience with me as I tweaked yo get an understanding of things.

    Yes I am ok… I am blessed and safe and Not addicted. That addiction has fallen away as I got Bigger.

    I would like to describe the honor of this plant .. And even nature narcotics in general – in a powerful and moving way. I want to express how I feel in regards to it.

    I feel dissapointed that being asked this by you seems to me like I’m not being heard. And that’s ok. I maintain that this is a healthy and deeply magical thing that helps me raise my energy and create big shifts and awefilling insight with my consciousness.

  306.  #308Leo on December 19, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    Well…now I am feeling better.

    I was IMing with my man for a while (yes….I usually like it more to talk to him about emotional matters but sometimes its too hard for me or too overwhelming and through writing i still have a chance to let him know how I feel. Not a perfect way…but this way i get used to using feeling messages in an easier way…)

    So then he asked: Is everything okay with us?
    I said: Yes, Hun, we are good!
    I had a nice weekend, it felt great. And I miss your kisses and warm skin.
    he: Next time I will be closer to you again. I am really sorry about it this weekend. I was very much into my own thoughts this weekend.

    And I told him how I feel, what I want and dont want.
    Me: I dont want you to be sorry. I want you to know how I feel. I felt this longing for closeness. Its important to me. And it always feels great to sit on the couch, read, and once in a while look into your eyes.

    (I dont know if I did that totally “right” but it felt good, cause it resembled what I felt).

    His answer to that felt good too.
    So…it turned out in a good way.
    And I hope I will be able to cope with the other situations better soon!


  307.  #309Lola on December 19, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    Hi Jennifer

    I hope Santa brings all those things! Especially the Bowen – I’m training in Bowen at the moment and it’s amazing.
    I love your posts they make me smile.


  308.  #310Dorothea on December 19, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    amber, lol, sorry you feel pissed, but i was just participating in the discussion with you. i feel pretty weird about you getting pissed, but i honestly am going to let it go in about 5 4 3 2 ……:)

  309.  #311Dorothea on December 19, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    hmmm i am feeling dismissive. i am protecting and defending myself by being dismissive. to me it seems that the alternative would be coddling someone’s feelings that i feel like i am being unfairly blamed for. like, it’s not MY fault that you’re more sensitive than any normal human being on the planet.

    i will work on this trigger:(

  310.  #312Daria on December 19, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    First – do nothing

    Is the first step of the wise woman healing rivers by susun weed

  311.  #313Lucy on December 19, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    First – do nothing

    I like that, Daria!

    Is that like not reacting out of old patterns?

  312.  #314Lucy on December 19, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    Or maybe that’s a small part of it…?

  313.  #315Dorothea on December 19, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    “Perhaps you weren’t calling me complacent. ”

    no perhaps about it, cuz i simply did not do this.

    i do not like being the object of someone’s unhappy feelings because they’re mad at something i didn’t ACTUALLY do.

    i feel sooo sad

    ohhh i want to cry

    i don’t want to deal with triggers today:'(


    i haven’t put on eye makeup yet though. this would be the time to cry, as opposed to after i put a bunch of whore makeup on.

  314.  #316Daria on December 19, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    Lucy – it is whatever you want it to be.

    Susun uses it for healing an illness.

    First river… Do nothing.

    I understand that as not giving energy to a negative thought or belief… Allowing ‘all is well’ to do its thing.

    And yes, it could be like Rori’s Stop tool.

  315.  #317Daria on December 19, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    Lorelei – I kiss different men all the time with nary a thought.

    Sex does not mean my loyalty any longer.

    Commitment means my loyalty.

  316.  #318Ella on December 19, 2010 at 2:01 pm


    I felt the same way as Daria reading your post to Jeanette.

    To me it felt like undercurrents of judgment covered by being nice…

    But I could have it totally wrong…
    Maybe it was just you expressing.

    I also felt kinda ‘ICK!’ when I saw the stuff about all the things you would ‘do’ for your man. Felt like overfunction vibe to me…

    Like, what happened to the man leading…

    Or maybe you choose to be the masculine energy in your relationship.

    I feel uncomfortable saying now and I don’t want to judge, however to me it just felt like the opposite vibe of what we are trying to create with Modern Siren.

    What do you think?

  317.  #319Lucy on December 19, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    “Allowing ‘all is well’ to do its thing.”

    Love that. I just practiced that for a moment. It felt really good! Thanks!

    I will practice it some more later. 🙂

  318.  #320Ella on December 19, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Rachel re 206

    … Yes I felt like that MASSIVELY when I first started CD-ing and became aware of the energy exchange etc…

    You are so right YOU are the prize.

    Not every man is ready for us or able to take care of us in the way we need. And these men know this and do not come to us…

    So even they are serving us in a way…

    Keep shining and it will heal.


  319.  #321Ella on December 19, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    I am just exploring my feelings around money.

    I can see how we are show our value by the token which is money… how we have to prove our value whenever we want something.

    And I can see how everyone is deserving of what they need and I chose to believe in plentiful not scarcity.

    On the other hand for me money is simply a thing we use to exchange with. You could do the same exchange w/o the money ie swapping stuff and still some people would end up with more of the stuff (ie more potatoes).

    I realise that money is ingrained as an exchange system and a symbol of power in our current society and for me I chose to be ok with money.

    I chose to see it as not really important, not like basic human needs, love or relationships, however it is there and I chose to feel comfortable with it.

    I chose to be comfortable with money and have a lot of it coming to me. However I clearly feel it’s limitations. It isjust a thing. Not a person.

  320.  #322Lucy on December 19, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    Ella! Yes! This feels good to read. Thank you!

    “Not every man is ready for us or able to take care of us in the way we need. And these men know this and do not come to us…”

    “Not every man is ready for us or able to take care of us in the way we need. And these men know this and do not come to us…”

    “Not every man is ready for us or able to take care of us in the way we need. And these men know this and do not come to us…”

  321.  #323Ella on December 19, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    Brenda re 290

    Wooohoo!!! Great progress.

    Yes, exactly how I felt the first times I said that to a guy…

    You are doing GREAT!

    NO – don’t cave…. He must come to you. Who cares if he knows the area or not, that is what the internet is for!!

    This is making you high value… raising your degree of difficulty. Keep believing in your value!

    Of course he is gonna try and get you to come to him… they all do! That is easier for them, but it won’t make them desire you.

    One little thing you could have also tried as well as the broken record is using feeling messages in conjunction…

    So when he repeated that he doesn’t know the area you could have said
    ‘owww I feel kinda weird / uncomfortable now!’
    him: why?
    You: well I am used to a man coming to me for a date
    and I would feel more comfortable staying local!

    What do you think?

    I feel so happy reading about your progress and seeing you valuing yourself!

  322.  #324Daria on December 19, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    My mom is being weird to me again, nothing big just a cool fake tone saying hello this when I said hello this morning

    And then some subtle put downs and tone

    Like hello daria – giving the impression of a schoolteacher disapproving…

    Umm hello

    Yes I exist today too

    Maybe ages pist that I woke up late

    That’s always an easy subject to try and control and criticize me or her for in this house

    I hate the cool attitude

    I miss my Loving mom of the past few days

    I feel pouty and numb and afraid

  323.  #325AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 2:53 pm


    I’m not caught up, so pls forgive me for being out of date. I’m excited that you’re feeling the JOY of the season and the promise of a New Year.

    I wish you could post photos of your knitting projects. They sound fab 🙂

    I read in your post to Jeanette so much being present and gratitude. Thank you for painting such a lovely story with your words.

    I was thinking about you this afternoon while driving around Hoboken and I couldn’t wait to ask you if you’ve been to Montreal? I went a few times on the train with my daughter and it was incredible. The 10 hour ride was so relaxing and the city (she says) is so european in its architecture and style. Although NOT in a fashion sense. Ooo-la-la does NOT apply to the fashions. Heh.

    It was a really amazing change from what I’ve grown accustomed to here.

    We went around x-mas and I actually attended mass in a catholic church and was able to enjoy the sermon and carols as they were all in French! I could relax and just feel the hope, love and joy as people honored their beliefs and celebrated together.

  324.  #326AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 3:06 pm


    “like, it’s not MY fault that you’re more sensitive than any normal human being on the planet.”

    I am!?!?!?!

    Wow. That feels weird to read.

    You don’t have to deal with anything. I don’t usually get any response to you when I address you, so I don’t expect one now.

    Reading that word “complacent’ is a trigger for me. It’s a dirty word.

    If you want to explain how your post to me wasn’t calling me that it would further my understanding. If you don’t want to, that’s fine too.

    I’m not demanding an explanation, I’m communicating my feelings and puzzlement.

    I don’t feel like pretending anything. When I don’t like something, I’m going to say so.


  325.  #327AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 3:08 pm


    Are things any lighter with all the kids home?

  326.  #328Jennifer on December 19, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    Amber…hope you didn’t drive in Montreal…I got lost on cresent street one time….cause I accidentally took the 10 instead of the 20……FREAKY!
    Took me an hour to get out!

    I left judo man a message on FB saying he should put up a pic on his profile of him in the red shirt from the christmas party………..cause it makes him look lickable…..
    Tee hee
    I IS BAD.
    Hope Santy Clause isn’t reading this.

    I feel curious as to what he’s gonna say…of if he replies at all.

  327.  #329AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 3:13 pm


    That was a LOVELY youtube video you linked yesterday.

    Thank you!

  328.  #330AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 3:25 pm


    We did drive there in the summer! And I have to say that the drivers were the most polite drivers I have EVER encountered in my LIFE. I’ve driven across the US 3 times coast-to-coast and NEVER seen such a level of graciousness.


    You didn’t!… You did!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I’m suddenly thinking of you as a NAUGHTY Ms. Claus.

    You IS bad. And I’d bet that Santa approves whole-heartedly.

  329.  #331Daria on December 19, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    My mom came in w loving and I told her how I was feeling!

  330.  #332Dorothea on December 19, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    amber, that wasn’t directed at you. i was writing about my trigger and there was definitely a context there. working thru triggers is really important to me and i’m feeling super hounded and suffocated so please give me the space to do it. if something is about you, I promise I’ll let you know by addressing you directly. otherwise, assume I am NOT actually saying what you think I am (because i’m not! not not not.)

    i feel tired and weepy:( I don’t want to explain this any more.

    I hide from the world under my covers :'(

  331.  #333AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    Ok Dorothea,

    I’m sorry I assumed. I am surprising my trigger happy, take everything personally self here on the blog yesterday and today.

    Please let me know if I can help.

  332.  #334AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    Yay Daria!!!!

    I had a brain wave about why I’m feeling energetically tangled up with you and your process right now. It’s TMI for the blog, but WOW! Not at all what I was thinking it was.

  333.  #335Ella on December 19, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    I am just working to get in tocuh with my feelings re Mr Barman…

    I feel a lil anxious to post today as I do not want to be judged.

    What I want to say to him:

    Mr Barman,
    It felt great to be with you the other night.
    However I wanted you to take care of the contraception.
    I want to feel safe and loved with you and I did not feel like that when you hadn’t made a plan about this.

    Other things I am working through… my judgments about him as a person…

    My judgments bc he smokes weed… how do I feel about this??

    Well it is a trigger for me bc of old boyfriend who used to smoke weed and had no job and took money from me, and he was bad to me… cheated etc…

    So I feel mistrustful of the fact that he smokes weed and worried in case there is addiction…

    I also feel judgemental regarding the amount of money he earns and mistrustful / anxious about whether a man who earns this amount could take care of me.

    And what is his attitude to money… seems like he spends rather than saves…

    He reminds me of me when I was younger..

    How do I feel about these things? Can I accept them?

    Well the weed thing so far has not felt an issue in terms of him and I … I have never felt that he was not present when he has smoked some and he has continued to focus on me and make me feel good.

    It is only an issue if it is an addiction or if it causes him to treat me badly. It is more a trigger for me due to my previous experiences. I may talk to him about this if it continues to be a trigger.

    Regarding the money stuff again so far it has not stopped him from taking me out, planning fun dates and treating me well.

    So far this person has done nothing but treat me well and make me feel good around him,

    And I feel quite judgemental of him. I find it hard to feel trust.

    Is it bc I see him as irresponsible in some ways… I label him like that??

    Is he a mirror? I know there are irresponsible parts in me… do I reject these parts?

    Its possible – I know I feel guilt / defending vibe if I feel that my mum is hinting at this with me!

    Hmmm, I am feeling some anger to Mr Barman right now. Maybe some anger at me when I judge that I am not ‘responsible’ enough!!

    I love my anger, I love my irresponsible… I love my judgemental.

    I want to heal this so I can accept me and this other … I do not want to ‘change’ him. Either accept or reject him for me.

  334.  #336Ella on December 19, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    I feel a bit angry at him for not making a plan for contraception!!!

    Grrrr, WTF MATE – F you! Man up, serious… don’t bring me your fem energy b.sh*t – you sort it… u r the man!

    Humph!! I am goinng to talk to him about this. I don’t want to feel angry!

    It felt like ‘ick’ like why hadn’t he thought of this? Why was he not taking care of me in this way?? Like is he not man enough to deal with this?? Or otherwise it felt like not respecting!

    And that felt turny off – ick… I felt closing off from this.

    I felt disrespected…

    I need to express this!

  335.  #337Ella on December 19, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    I feel tired and a bit sick tonight.

    I think I need to go to bed, snuggle. Take care of myself so I feel warm and protected.

  336.  #338Dorothea on December 19, 2010 at 4:16 pm

  337.  #339Senior Lady Vibe on December 19, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    324: AmberS says:
    “I wish you could post photos of your knitting projects. They sound fab “

    I got yarn for scarf a few days ago but haven’t started! I’ll see if I can get pics up next week. Now the pressure is on! 😆

    “I read in your post to Jeanette so much being present and gratitude. Thank you for painting such a lovely story with your words.”

    Christmas is always a time of joy, giving and a whole lot of fun. I’m especially sensitive to Jeannette’s fiance and his health problems; he’s been undergoing chemo.

    My father died during Christmas holiday season years ago, just me and him together at the moment of his death. The little loving comforts are so important to men when they don’t have their full energy. Jeannette has expressed concern about money and I hoped to encourage her to create loving times without spending a lot of money.

    Regarding what I meant as a loving post, I received from a couple of sirens reactions of anger and “ICK”, as one put it, also accusing me of other intentions and behaviours. I’m astonished.

    Life goes on.

    “I was thinking about you this afternoon while driving around Hoboken and I couldn’t wait to ask you if you’ve been to Montreal?”


    If I tell you when, you will know how ancient I am. But I was a child bride; my parents had to sign for me to get married…and no I was not pregnant at the time…just “in luv” and my parents always gave me what I wanted.

    My husband and I went for the World’s Fair. I think that was in 1968? Gee, seems like yesterday… We stayed with a French-speaking Canadian family and the Mom was always cornering me in the kitchen and regaling me with rapid French. She kept telling me my French was good…ha! mainly because she didn’t speak English very well and wanted to keep things in French.

    Now, I can barely speak a word of French… : cry:

    Do you speak French? I want to learn at least a few phrases again.

    “I went a few times on the train with my daughter and it was incredible. The 10 hour ride was so relaxing and the city (she says) is so european in its architecture and style. Although NOT in a fashion sense. Ooo-la-la does NOT apply to the fashions. Heh.”

    However, I found the Canadian French accents were easier to understand than Parisian, sorta like the American equivalent to Brit English. 😆 Ah, we North Americans.

    Amber, this is a great idea, I might go to Montreal for old times sake! I thought about that a couple months ago when I found an old photo of me at one of the World’s Fair exhibits.

    I’m going to check train schedules. It’s fun to think about, almost as much fun as going…I have an active imagination. It keeps me in trouble…


  338.  #340Lucy on December 19, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    SLV, what state do you live in? Maybe I can go to Montreal with you! 🙂

  339.  #341Jennifer on December 19, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    Well, my social moron status has been confirmed.
    Dude writes me back….
    “lickable? lol My current pic has me with no shirt on! Are you saying I look better with clothes on than without?! I’m not sure how to take that … 😉 ”

    So…flirting………not my thing then……..
    Where’s that paranormal romance?

  340.  #342Senior Lady Vibe on December 19, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    @339: Lucy:

    I’m in a constant state of quirkyness… 😆

    I’m in the Northeast.

    I won’t be going to Montreal anytime because I’d want to walk around freely etc i still can’t stand for long periods of time. I’m walking but everything is kind of measured.

    I was thinking about Toronto film festival next season, if I go, maybe I’ll extend the trip and go to Montreal too…unless I’m getting married that week… 😯 joke, joke…maybe… you never know… 😀


  341.  #343AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 4:38 pm



    He’s flirting back!! Sweet!

    I’d tell him I prefer to unwrap my packages in private…

  342.  #344Senior Lady Vibe on December 19, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    That’s anytime SOON. I think I might be going, could be next early autumn, just thought about it ten minutes ago.


  343.  #345RTCathy on December 19, 2010 at 4:42 pm


    You are a Social Goddess – the man needs to learn how to take a flirty complement and as for men having topless facebook/profile pictures… feels tacky!
    I think this feeling comes from my looking at online dating sites and feeling freaked out by half naked pictures (no matter how fab the abs).

  344.  #346Jennifer on December 19, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    Montreal Trip!!
    Je Parle Fracais…..
    Sirens in Montreal!?!?!?!?!
    Freak tastic!

  345.  #347Lucy on December 19, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    “I’m in a constant state of quirkyness”

    Love it, SLV! My kind of girl!

    I live in the Northeast too.

  346.  #348Daria on December 19, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    Amber – ohhh I feel left out!

    I want to know! At least a lil something…. It might help ME

  347.  #349mary on December 19, 2010 at 4:45 pm


    happy holidays!

    i’m still with my Music Man, enjoying the season.

    he stays constantly at my house and i don’t think that’s the best thing. i mean, i’d like to keep being boyfriend / girlfriend with him and see where it goes, but i want to keep the intensity high. circular dating is gonna have to be with the world in this scenario instead of with other guys. i don’t want him with other women and he doesn’t want me with other men.

    any suggestions of what i might say to him to get some space that would allow more intense feelings? i want to get married, not live with him. it’s more my style to be married. and there’s something sacred about it that i like. for me, it’s not just a piece of paper. it’s two people becoming a unit of one.

    he said he’d be willing to get married when we first met.

    and all during our time together, he’s always saying things like “i want to marry you!”


    a little speech, perhaps?

    here’s what i would say if i could say what i REALLY know:

    I FEEL:

    scared to let you into my home and into my life in such a way that i’m completely exposed. (this post is right on about the fear and the war inside! i love the time together but i feel that i need to protect myself from harm…)

    worried that i’ll be taken for granted if we continue staying with each other all the time.

    I KNOW:

    that people want what they can’t have.
    that if i’m more unavailable, i become more cherished.
    that bees flock to the honey, and lots of bees attract more bees.


    Music Man to become complacent about me
    to spend forever in the girlfriend zone
    to act like we’re married when we’re not


    what would I really say to him?

    anyone with any ideas?

  348.  #350Jennifer on December 19, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    Pullin her outta the ditch!

    you take it as an extreme compliment……..the shirtless pic is great, I am intrigued by that divot near your shoulder. But the red shirt begs the image of unwrapping gifts. ”

    Yes…I did.
    RTCathy…..this is his FB pic….I’m cool with it cause he’s my judo instructor…seen him w/o the shirt a time or two….

  349.  #351Daria on December 19, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    Mary – well, telling him how you feel and what you don’t want is what Rori advises.

    telling him what you think u know feels weird… and disconnecting

    “I feel scared to let a man into my home and into my life in such a way that i’m completely exposed. I love the time together… and I’m worried that i’ll be taken for granted if we continue staying with each other all the time. I DON’T WANT a man to become complacent about me… and to spend forever in the girlfriend zone and act like we’re married when we’re not.

    What do you think Music Man?”

  350.  #352Daria on December 19, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    Dorothea – the insult generator said I’m a Lard Pimping Hamster Squeezer

    :/ how did it know?

  351.  #353Senior Lady Vibe on December 19, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    348: mary says:
    “..i want to get married, not live with him…
    he’s always saying things like “i want to marry you!”
    a little speech, perhaps?…”

    If the “little speech” is not the response
    “yes” to the question, how about…

    “I feel rushed.”

    I’m curious, you are accepting these “hanging outs” at your place; how does that happen? Does he just drop by without asking? Does he have a key? Or does he just never propose going out?

    “…i feel that i need to protect myself from harm…)…”

    Real harm? This is strong.


  352.  #354Daria on December 19, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    Dorothea – I like your shoplifting link. i feel afraid of doing that. I feel afraid of captured and being made prisoner.

    this persecution thing is getting more and more conscious

    i intend to heal this


    what a sigh of relief that will be

  353.  #355Daria on December 19, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    “Practice paying attention to your pleasure, your desires, and then find ways to communicate every detail of your truth to the men in your life, nicely.”

    – Mama Gena

  354.  #356AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 5:22 pm



    I’m living vicariously through you. If I come visit, will you help me flirt? If you’re speaking French, I’m lost, so you can only flirt in english. Hehehe

  355.  #357Senior Lady Vibe on December 19, 2010 at 5:23 pm


    I’m watching Evan Marc “dump his ass” Katz vids Lone Plum posted @67…, somehow missed these.


  356.  #358AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 5:24 pm


    Bond Girl Name Generator:



    Personally, I’d rather be Bond.

  357.  #359Ragnell on December 19, 2010 at 5:30 pm


    A man I have been dating for a year asked me for “a break”. We’re not even in a relationship, so there is nothing to take a break from. However, I’ve been writing a response for when he contacts me again. I’d like your opinion on this:

    Dear ***,

    Thanks for giving me the chance to see other people and the time to focus on myself. I have been doing a lot of thinking and deciding. It has been very relaxing so far

    You are right. I don’t want negatives anymore. I agree with you that our communication is very stressive and full of negative impacts. When I talk to or go out with someone, I like it if both of us feel good. This should happen naturally and not with some effort or by force. And when I am with you, this does not happen naturally, and this is why we are stressed. I used to be tolerant of the things I disliked in you because I wanted you to like me, but now I know that you don’t like me, so it’s useless to tolerate the things I don’t want, either.

    You are right in that I will always find something wrong with you. It’s not that you’re wrong, it’s just that you aren’t the way I like. You can drive 30km to see me but that does not make me like you more. I appreciate it, and it flatters me, but it does not make me more willing to deal with your bad moods and silent treatments. You know I can drive myself and I can get to places to see the people I want to see, so whether you come or I go makes no difference to me.

    You say you would be better reading a book at home instead of driving to my place. You know? I’d rather stay the weekends in my bunny slippers and read a book than be with a man who does not look at me, does not listen to me, and, when not silent and distant, is only ranting about how wrong life is or how bad I am.

    If you are not enjoying it, and I’m not enjoying it, let’s stop. This “break” thing feels like I have to wait for you to say something. It feels like we have some kind of commitment and we have to ask each other permission to stop seeing each other. This is not what I want. I don’t want to wait for you to tell me you want or don’t want to date me some day in 2011. I don’t want to date you, at all.

    What I am willing to do is consider you, as I had before, just a family friend, and be there for you only in the serious stuff. If there is something I can help you with, I will. But the going to the movies or to dinner or for coffee or lunch needs to stop, because that implies (perhaps not to you, but to the people around us) that there is something more than just friendship going. I don’t want that.

    You were right when you suggested that I should focus on my better friends. I am not very demanding with my friends, but I do know that “call me sometimes, and answer the phone when I call you” is a basic requirement for me, and I am not willing to negotiate it. I want a less confusing relationship.


  358.  #360Lucy on December 19, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    My son shop-lifted a pack of lifesavers from the drugstore when he was five. I guess he had the right idea. 🙂

  359.  #361AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 5:36 pm


    Thank you for your earlier post. I don’t know what to say. I am glad you were with your father. I imagine that memory might come up this time of year, so I feel a sense of being content that you were there.

    Sometimes {{{hugs}}} feels very trite.

    And I’m not sure you would want my patchouli self hugging on you, so here’s to head nodding and eye contact over half-smiles.

    I like the image of in love and in Montreal. More smiles.

    Are you knitting while you youtube? My kiddo & I watched about 2 hours of You Bet Your Life episodes yesterday. Serious time suck, serious relaxation. She says they’re allowing TV episodes now- as long as they include a commercial!?!?!

  360.  #362mary on December 19, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    thanks daria and SLV.

    i kinda like the sound of the speech when it’s put together! i know they’re my words, and you just arranged them – and no, i wouldn’t have told him what i THOUGHT or knew to be true – i was just telling you guys…

    does it sound to straightforward? too revealing? too anything?

    i might tell him after the new year… his kids are coming and staying with me and after that might be a good time – in the spirit of getting to work and into a routine…

    i like “i feel rushed” but it looks into the future, and i do want to get married… maybe i would like to rush into it! i don’t feel rushed because there’s nothing to rush to, really… i feel like it’s just the wrong scenario for me.

  361.  #363Jennifer on December 19, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    AMber….you wanna live vicariously THROUGH me?
    Honey……..pick some one more exciting, trust me.
    As for French…Montreal is fully biligual. Them boys will will flirt in either language!
    It IS a blast there.
    For real. It’s very european and yet modern
    RORI should do adventures like Mike Dooley does……..but SIREN adventures!!!
    To cool places with amazing MEN
    Like Montreal!
    New York!
    San Fran….HOLLA Daria
    The rori raye adventure club

  362.  #364mary on December 19, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    i like this post, but it’s hard for me to envision ANY guy being okay with me sleeping with him and also dating other guys.

    how does that work? i tried to line it up with Music Man and he wouldn’t have any part of it. not the sex part! just the dating part!

    doesn’t it make the guy just furious? and doesn’t it make him think you’re a player? no guy wants to share the woman he’s targeted…

    and i KNOW that that’s what it’s all about!

    just actually doing it.

    that’s the difficult thing.

    last year at this time, i was dating whomever, whenever, and some of the guys were very interested, and they stayed interested, although i was seeing other people. i wasn’t sleeping with any of them. but it didn’t work out in the end. it seems that ALL we ever talked about was the fact that i was seeing other guys. it made the main guy CRAZY… and he was stalking me online, etc. and i still feel kinda terrible about it… kinda embarrassed… it’s so counter culture… even if it works.

    oh! gotta run…

  363.  #365Dorothea on December 19, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    lol add denver, we have great men!

  364.  #366Lucy on December 19, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    Mary, there was only one guy ever that I had to tell I was dating other guys. No one else asked (including the one I was sleeping with). I think they assumed I wasn’t dating anyone else bc they were only dating me. And when I was with each one, I was present with him and of course that made him FEEL like he was the only man in my life.

  365.  #367mary on December 19, 2010 at 5:55 pm

    hi Lucy!

    wow. really???

    that’s amazing!

    that must have been in the early stages of the relationships? or was it an ongoing thing?

  366.  #368Lucy on December 19, 2010 at 5:57 pm

    Question: If a guy asks you out in a first email, and you’re maybe kinda a wee bit interested BUT some things written in his profile are real turn-offs… do you tell him about the turn-offs before deciding whether to say yes or no to the date?

  367.  #369Lucy on December 19, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    Mary, early stages…. the one I was sleeping with went to about nine months though.

  368.  #370Senior Lady Vibe on December 19, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    @358 AmberS

    I spent a couple hours listening to holiday music. You Bet Your Life, was the old, old one with Groucho or the newer Bill Cosby version. My father was a Groucho fan… 😆

    Things go busy, holiday stuff and also to confess I’ve been online addicted… Eek! I’ll sort out needles etc tomorrow. Didn[t start because didn’t have yarn of first choice but what i bought will have to do.

  369.  #371Daria on December 19, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    Mary – hmm guys bring stuff up mostly when I’m anxious about it… Like i used to be about men driving to me. Now of course I almost forgot about that cuz it’s a non issue.

    So it seems you don’t put yourself first very well.

    I feel uncomfortable reading sometimes…

    It’s like u don’t trust yourself and are all about how it comes off… Even waiting till after new years to tell a guy how you feel now!

    Wow. That means two weeks of not really sharing with him how you feel. That would kill my intimacy and feel good and attraction.

    I just don’t see how a man could bring up other men once I say… I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t feel good to talk about other men.

    Like, they would have to completely direfard my boundary and ferlings to continue talking about it. That is nor something most men would do. And besides, I’d just say the sand thing along with… I feel kinda weird and turned off.

    I feel scared reading your posts cuz I think a part of me is like what i imagine of you… Always jumping to please and crushed at a sign of disapproval. I like that part of me because she’s always ‘good’. I can feel safe that she’s not to blame and can have safety of being the helpless innocent victim. And I feel scared. I feel angry.

    I want to feel powerful and I dont want to play victim. I feel jealous of that part of me for all the attention she gets and the love.

  370.  #372Daria on December 19, 2010 at 6:25 pm

    Feeling angry at this part ogle that throws me under the bus… That doesn’t put me first that worries about what a man thinks.

    That thinks no man will want her if she exercises her power if she lives herself completely.

    This part of me that would rather be a gf for years than date and then choose after the proposal.

  371.  #373Senior Lady Vibe on December 19, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    @358 AmberS

    Thanks for the hugs. Christmas holidays are always happy times.

    Today had special service and “The Christmas Play” a fun mix of religious and secular–all the little kiddos in their costumes, looking so adorable and the parents and grandparents with proud tears in their eyes…

    Yesterday I went to Barnes and Noble to get calendar for my “calendar tool.” Store didn’t have first choice “2011 Romantic Paris.” But got agenda style calendar instead: “Impressionists 2011.” The art is inspiring and I need a new agenda notebook anyway. I’ll use it to carry about and keep track of my CD. Brilliant! 😀

    Anyway back to the project. I also bought packet of stickers, woodland animals, I realize it was kind of cruel to think about using vampire symbol for guy. He’s not; just not quite right for me.

    Long story short, representing guy I’m placing a grey squirrel sticker on page for year from now December 18, 2011 which will be week from Christmas next year.

    I plan to do a lot of things guy and I talked about but I’ll be doing them by and for myself. Should be fun…putting the little dear away until next year, sorta like putting him on my horse or putting him in a doggie bag but putting him in the back of my agenda seems even more appropriate.


  372.  #374Daria on December 19, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    This part of me is so needy that she would rather cling to a man for crumbs and serve him than serve herself. Than be Aline. This part feels terrified to be alOne she thinks it’s cold.

    Ibises this part. I feel so angry at her orchards she feels angry and stuffs. Invade her for that. I hate her for being sobfake cherry all the while undermining me and keeping me weak and frail and dependent.

  373.  #375Senior Lady Vibe on December 19, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    @365: Lucy says:
    “…some things written in his profile are real turn-offs… do you tell him about the turn-offs before deciding whether to say yes or no to the date?…”

    Is it a fixable fluke or deal breaker?


  374.  #376Senior Lady Vibe on December 19, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    59: mary says:
    “… i don’t feel rushed because there’s nothing to rush to, really… i feel like it’s just the wrong scenario for me…”

    As in a rush to live together…


  375.  #377AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 6:54 pm


    Hrm.. lemme think about this…

    A hot, no nonsense, pediatric nurse, judo learning, red headed vixen.

    Yeah. That’ll do.

    I stand by my earlier post. If I’m going to live vicariously, I’m gonna shoot for the moon.

  376.  #378Lucy on December 19, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    SLV, *That* is the question…!

    It’s not a specific thing, it’s more the attitude that comes across. The profile is quite lengthy, and most of it is pretty good, but it ends with this:


    I am truly an original. You never know what I will say next. I respond and react to the world and situations in a completely unique manner.
    I am a family man.
    I really don’t drink. I don’t smoke, but don’t let that conservative appearance fool you.
    When I kiss you, your knees will buckle.


    What bothers me about it? It feels like a sales pitch…. like he feels the need to convince us that he’s “all that”… a bit arrogant….?

    It just feels a little “ew” to me.

    But other things about him seem somewhat promising.


  377.  #379Lucy on December 19, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    It also says, “I do many, many fun things. I am stable, healthy, and a blast to be with.”

  378.  #380mary on December 19, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    hmmmm… thanks again. gotta run to a party… i’m reading along and listening to you guys! too busy to get into blogging at the moment.

    i hear you, Daria. thank you for your insights.

    and SLV… i understand about rushing into living together.

    talk later! i miss you guys… merry christmas!

  379.  #381Senior Lady Vibe on December 19, 2010 at 7:14 pm


    Maybe he was just trying to be fun. If the rest is OK, I’d go for a coffee date, then you’ll know or at least know more. Not too much to lose.

    I don’t like that knee buckle thing either but sometimes guys are a tad clueless, I think it’s ‘fixable.’

    Tell him how you feel about it if it’s really annoying and see what he has to say.


  380.  #382AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 7:18 pm


    His profile sounds a little bit like Ron Burgundy…

    He never uses the word ‘mahogany’ does he?

    All joking aside, is it worth having to sit thru a bad date to discover if he matches his words? Meh. How bad could it be?

    I’d be tempted to tell him he’s setting expectations pretty high with those claims. I’m not sure he’s going to measure up…

  381.  #383Daria on December 19, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    My mom has a tool – the 30 second hug. It raises the oxytocin levels in the brain.

    I like it! I actually count .

    And she just said she’s sorry … For stuff

    Aww love mom

  382.  #384Brenda on December 19, 2010 at 7:30 pm


    RE: #322 – Thank you! Good suggestions on the feeling message. I was so nervous I forgot! 🙂

  383.  #385Daria on December 19, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    I just cut a first phonecall I was Enjoying short cuz I had something to do.
    Usually I have long first phonecalls if I like em.

    Well he then texts me I liked talking to u.

    And I’m like yes me too.

    And he’s like good cuz I thot u didn’t.


    It seems he’s more into me now!

  384.  #386Dorothea on December 19, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    holy moly i am feeling lean forwardy towards LI right now.

    i want to reach out

    i miss him big time. i just saw him this afternoon when i asked him to take me to the grocery store. he is driving me to work in the morning too.

    but i want to seeeee him and talk to him

    yet i know i “shouldn’t” however, i am feeling very needy and cuddly. so i’ll just spam here instead. spam spam spam.

    miss him!

  385.  #387Dorothea on December 19, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    urgh! and i wrote two new poems and i want to show them off to him. but something deep down is telling me to keep it all to myself energetically. blargh

  386.  #388AmberS on December 19, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    Dorothea & Daria,

    This guy may not be your cup of tea, but I love this clip.

    Comedian Bill Hicks


  387.  #389Mata Hari on December 19, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    No offense, but I don’t enjoy reading your posts when you are “high”, Daria. You sound like a complete LUNATIC….Get a grip, woman!

  388.  #390Rosa on December 19, 2010 at 10:46 pm

    Brenda ,

    Hi , just wanted to say you did so well!!
    your value and self worth look so amazing from where i sit, obviously the guy thought so too!!

    Its a boundary , and you did it so well 🙂

    i feel encouraged massively .

    I have been having some NV’s and feeling “less than” and all the crappo stuff. Reading about a Siren doing this simple thing SO WELL feels good. It feels REALLY good when i know that you are expecting Ryan to be around more. You are truly CDing , yaaayyyy!!!!!!!

  389.  #391Rosalie on December 20, 2010 at 12:30 am

    SG, are you still here? Please let me know how you are doing…

  390.  #392Rosalie on December 20, 2010 at 12:36 am

    I’m weird. I hate myself… I have found my inner voice. And it’s terrible!!! The inner voice wants to be famous and run next year on a singing talent show on national TV.
    Stop you nasty voice! Don’t make a fool out of me! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  391.  #393Brenda on December 20, 2010 at 3:26 am


    Thank you! That feels good to hear!

    I think if that man calls me again, tho, I’ll turn him down. He just sounds rude and self-centered. I have made contact with a few others that I’m sifting out. I might meet one today at a local diner. He lives closer.

  392.  #394RTCathy on December 20, 2010 at 6:42 am

    I am trying out the concept of sex with one man.

    BMW man promised me commitment and the earth and we started having sex about a month in, since then i have found out he is still in love with his ex and has a very close friendship with a married friend who is in love with him and wants to sabotage our relationship. Needless to say I have totally fallen for him and am fighting my heart all the way being hurt every day on this roller coaster.

    I have started dating but it doesnt seem to make a difference to him. I think we will eventually split, and i am trying to minimise the damage by at least having some CD’s but although he does none of what i want I still cant help but care. It’s the james bond effect that lone plum linked us to on the Evan Mark Katz website!

    I knew getting into this that is better to have loved and lost… Well i have had some fabulous god times with this guy.

    The thing that erks me more than anything is he talks about his ex constantly and I say “i dont want to hear about her” and “I feel uncomfortable hearing this” but even a year after they split its still happens every time i see him.

  393.  #395Lorelei on December 20, 2010 at 6:43 am

    HI everyone

    This is hilarious. Just happened upon David DeAngelo’s website. He coaches men to pick up women . . Just read this, which is addressed to men:

    “And incidentally, having the attitude that you must pay for a date to make a woman like you is actually VERY UNATTRACTIVE to her. She can smell this kind of attitude and lack of self-worth a mile away.

    Bad, bad, bad.”

    A lot of his tips are designed to subtley put down women, and make them pursue the man . .

    Well, well, well!

  394.  #396RTCathy on December 20, 2010 at 6:46 am

    I think he was sent to me to help me work on strengthening my boundries but it’s sure a cruel way to do it! I think he has some sociopathic tendencies as he doesnt respond when most men would be empathic. we went ice skating recently and I fell backwards and knocked the wind out of my sails. he took me to the side and then carried on skating! Maybe feeling messages are lost on someone who doesnt empathise.

  395.  #397AmberS on December 20, 2010 at 6:57 am

    Hi Rosa!

    I really enjoyed your process the other night- and the visualization of the flow of energy. I forget how much that helps, seeing it instead of just feeling it.

    I’ve had your other post open in a tab for a couple days now, pondering my answer. It seems like the idea just appeared – in full bloom, but I suppose that must be how a butterfly feels, or a hatching chick. I’m going to stick with the hatching chick metaphor for now. I haven’t yet learned to fly.

    When I look back over the past year I can see how many steps I have taken on my path and how the path has led here. I wasn’t aiming for this, but here I am. And I’m not looking too far into the future. I’m being… ahh- such solid, confident words… I’m doing my best to be present in the moment and make good choices. The plan is evolving every day. It’s a really strange feeling to trust that the Universe has my highest good set as a path for me.

    Over the summer some huge things changed. My daughter was accepted to the study program, I ended my 4 year relationship. Suddenly the future was a blank slate. I started looking at what I really wanted, what brings me peace.

    Being responsible only for myself changes everything. There are so many lessons I skipped by having my daughter. I get to learn them now.

    So my goal is to be the best me possible. Being here with other women dedicated to growing and learning has been such a HUGE part of it.

    I feel blessed.

  396.  #398AmberS on December 20, 2010 at 7:07 am


    I’m so excited that you’re CDing and practicing holding your boundaries!

    That was totally cool how you just staying in yourself and let yourself feel the discomfort and did it anyway!

    I am wondering about your decision to not date this guy. I hear you saying he seems rude & self centered. I’m wondering if the Universe sent you this rude dude because it will be easier for you to practice on him? You wont be likely to fall for someone like that, and you get to practice, practice, practice.

    And who knows? Perhaps he’s just clueless, not selfish?

    The more you practice, the easier it gets 🙂

  397.  #399AmberS on December 20, 2010 at 7:10 am


    I spent some time reading his stuff, too. I actually like him and take that a different way.

    For me, it’s true, if a guy feels like he has to buy me something to get me to go out with him, I find that icky. That feels to me like low self esteem.

    If a guy accepts that his role is to pay for dinner, but doesn’t tie it with the energy of basically bribing me to spend time with him, that’s totally different.

    My two cents…

  398.  #400RTCathy on December 20, 2010 at 7:23 am

    Through all of the ups and downs i have had Siren Islands rocks to cling to. If it had not been for this site I don’t think i would have gotten past the week with this guy to any of the good times with this guy and would have gone crazy in the process! (i used to lean so far forward it was almost stalker like!), so I have made brilliant progress. – being on here i feel less desperate it calms me down a bit, more positive whilst I wait for the universe to send me Mr Right and bouyed up by the Sirens experiences.

  399.  #401AmberS on December 20, 2010 at 7:31 am



    That feels so awesome to read!

    I am so happy to see your relationship transforming 🙂

    It feels incredible that your mom is now bringing tools to it as well. This happened with my daughter and it broke everything loose!

    IDK where my post to you yesterday went. The energy pattern- the Universe is saying- it’s the same. It’s not that we’re on opposing ends of it- we’re on the same end. Sometimes I need a better understanding of the situation to get the message. You taking the time to explain some things to me helped me see your words and the meaning differently.

    It’s funny how “explaining” to justify ourselves is negative, but in response to questions it feels very different. It’s all about the intent.

    Thank you!

  400.  #402Senior Lady Vibe on December 20, 2010 at 7:32 am

    391: Lorelei says:
    “This is hilarious. Just happened upon David DeAngelo’s website. …A lot of his tips are designed to subtley put down women, and make them pursue the man…”

    I am on his list as well as a few others. David is one of the tamer ones…

    I believe he is a friend of Rori and she does have appreciation for his work. I think his stance has changed a little over time and he helps some guys who would never have the nerve to even approach a woman, so he at least adds to the pool of the younger group.

    I find his message is mostly geared to coach guys to get as much physical contact as they can as soon as they can, while spending as little money as possible.


  401.  #403AmberS on December 20, 2010 at 7:55 am


  402.  #404Senior Lady Vibe on December 20, 2010 at 8:07 am

    @399: AmberS says:
    “SLV- NEW POST!”

    Thank you; I hurried on over… 😆

    I’ll go back and read post now:

    Are You A Sex Magnet Instead of a Man Magnet? What to Do…



  403.  #405Rachel on December 20, 2010 at 8:47 am

    Ella … #319

    I hope you haven’t left for the new post yet!

    “Not every man is ready for us or able to take care of us in the way we need. And these men know this and do not come to us…”

    Thank you! I think this may be true in this case. We have a lot of physical attraction, but are very different in our lifestyles. I felt curious about how things would work and wanted more time to explore the possibilities.

    I think I’m feeling the old fear from middle school that “no one I really like will ever like me back.” I had/have boys/men who like me, but they are the “icky” ones. The ones I’m attracted to never seem to feel the same toward me! Except that he DID feel physically attracted … I feel like somehow I must have turned him off during our date, but I dont know how.

    We had a really lovely time and I felt so free and comfortable and sireny… and now he’s quiet as can be – after almost constant texting in the days leading up to the coffee date.

    I will write down what you’ve said here and seek to look at the situation in this way. Thank you!!

  404.  #406Lucy on December 20, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    Thanks for your input, Amber and SLV. Since his email said, “I would love to meet you for dinner at the place next to the custom furniture place.
    What do you think?”… I responded honestly and simply wrote, “maybe.”

    That’s all. Lol.

    So today he wrote, “Maybe is a good start. What should we do to turn the maybe into a probably?
    Speak on the telephone? send your number or call me? xxx-xxx-xxxx.”

    Hmm. I feel a bit smiley. Not sure what I want to do. (I know I DON’T want to talk to him on the phone — most of you girls here know by now that I’m not a phone person. But it’s interesting that he offered that as an in-between step for ME to become more comfortable with meeting him for dinner…. feels like he is trying to find out what my needs are so that he can meet them, you know?)

    Amber, I didn’t know who Ron Burgandy was, so I looked him up. And guess what?? This guy’s name is Ron!!!!! (I usually don’t use real names on here, but this is too funny not to!)

    Anyway, I wonder if he is planning to pay for the dinner. Usually guys says, “I would love to BUY you dinner” — but this guy only said, “I would love to MEET you for dinner.”

    It might make a difference for me. 🙂

  405.  #407Daria on December 20, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    A hot, no nonsense, pediatric nurse, judo learning, red headed vixen.

    ThIs sounds awesome

  406.  #408Lucy on December 20, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    Rachel, your post #401 sounds very similar to my experience and feelings around WH. I like what Ella wrote.

  407.  #409AmberS on December 20, 2010 at 1:45 pm


    Lucy is feeling a bit SMILEY 🙂

    I feel smiley at that!

    PS- I’m happy to loan u that movie. I rates near the top for me on the STUPID funny mindless silly entertainment scale. Seems to be the only kind of entertainment I can tolerate right now…

  408.  #410Jennifer on December 20, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    Judo man just messaged me a new pic of himself SHRITLESS!
    Holding a sword!
    Bicept flexed. I spelled that wrong
    I don’t care.
    Be still my beating ……. heart.
    Tee Hee.

    Oh, and I’m not red headed no mo’ I dyed it chocolate.
    MMM…….chocolate. On flexed bicept….whatever

  409.  #411Jennifer on December 20, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    bi·ceps   /ˈbaɪsɛps/ Show Spelled
    [bahy-seps] Show IPA

    –noun, plural -ceps·es  /-sɛpsɪz/ Show Spelled
    [-sep-siz] Show IPA
    , -ceps. Anatomy .
    either of two flexor muscles, one (biceps brachii) located in the front of the upper arm and assisting in bending the arm, and the other (biceps femoris) located on the back of the thigh and assisting in bending the leg.
    1625–35; < L: two-headed, having two parts, equiv. to bi- bi-1 + -ceps (s. -cipit- ), comb. form of caput head

  410.  #412Jennifer on December 20, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    Stupid OCD.

  411.  #413Senior Lady Vibe on December 20, 2010 at 2:33 pm


    “Anyway, I wonder if he is planning to pay for the dinner. Usually guys says, “I would love to BUY you dinner” — but this guy only said, “I would love to MEET you for dinner.”
    It might make a difference for me…”

    Hmmm, yes, interesting, just noticed. I’d expect to hear “I’d like to take invite you to dinner, take you to dinner, treat you to dinner…” I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone say “I’d like to MEET you for dinner…”

    Perhaps he meant dinner would be your first “MEETING” and it’s an Internet Dating kind of thing. Do you think that’s it? He seems OK.

    I think if a guy said I’d like to meet you for coffee, I bet I wouldn’t think anything of it but I’d expect he’d certainly spring for the couple of bucks it would cost…although you’ve told us one didn’t…

    I’m curious about this.


  412.  #414Mercedes on December 20, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    Lucy: Could you respond with “Hmm…Are you asking me out on a real live DATE???”


    A date generally indicates something different than a meeting. If he says no…I’d plan on paying for my own dinner. 🙂

    Much Love,

  413.  #415NurseJennifer on December 20, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    Hey…..Y’all…I’m changing my name to NurseJEnnifer…there’s another Jennifer on the blog…is kewl.
    I can make room……..dere is on one o’ me.

  414.  #416pheromones attract women on December 20, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    Well,for me sex is one of respectable matters so I can do sex only for my love one. 🙂


  415.  #417Simply Shannon on December 20, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    Jennifer! How exciting!?! B and Judo Man as CDs.

    Lucy, The word “meet” didn’t even hit on my radar. A dude asks me to do anything, and I assume it’s a date and he’s paying. No question in my mind whatsoever. Why would your brain hit on that word and wonder about it?

  416.  #418AmberS on December 21, 2010 at 7:04 am



    Stupid is as stupid does.

    Looking something up in a dictionary=NOT STUPID

    I’m just sayin’

  417.  #419Becky on December 21, 2010 at 10:10 am

    Hi Ladies,

    I need some advice here and quick because I am getting together with my ex-boyfriend in a few days- just to go out.

    Here’s our situation. We dated off and on for two years and I would always break things off because he would say he didn’t want a serious relationship leading to marriage at this time. In all other aspects, except for me feeling like our relationships would never be 100% committed, I really enjoyed his company and loved him. I was the typical Overfunctioner though in the relationship and thought I could prove just how wonderful it would be if he were to marry me. When I moved out of his house 6 months ago, I was certain I had done the right thing. I am 29 and I want to get married and have children one day and he says he’s “just not there” yet. I wish now though that I knew about Rori’s tools for commitment because I wonder if I hadn’t have given him an ultimatum, if things would have worked out differently. Maybe yes or maybe no. All I know is that I miss him a lot and I do wish that things could have worked out.

    He still wants to date me and have sex, even though he knows I’m dating other guys to find Mr. Right (I haven’t slept with anyone since we broke up). I told him though when we broke up that I would only have sex in a committed relationship and so that me and him could date but not sleep together. He hasn’t called much in the last few weeks but then yesterday called and said he’d like to go out this week before Christmas. During the last few weeks, I have been very tempted to call him because I really, really, really miss sex. I am going a little crazy without it actually. So, here’s where I need advice:
    if I do sleep with him while still circular dating, is he going to think I have no backbone and will it probably kill all chances (if there were any) of us getting back together? If I keep holding out on sex, then are the chances of him wanting me for something more serious a lot greater?

  418.  #420Femininewoman on December 21, 2010 at 10:26 am

    Becky I read somewhere that you should stick to what you say. “I told him though when we broke up that I would only have sex in a committed relationship and so that me and him could date but not sleep together.” Do you know what a committed relationship looks like to you? Do you know what it looks like to him? Is it the same?

    I am also learning but it seems if he asked to go out that is what I would be planning to do. Sex seems to be your idea as he is not asking for it. You seem to be telling yourself that you will “go crazy” without it but you have been surving thus far after a few weeks. Believe me the craziness wears off if you wait it out and sit with your feelings. No easy but you feel stronger. Still sleeping with in my humble opinion is telling him he can get what he wants whenever he wants it possibly even when you are committed to someone else. He might even wonder if you would do that to him if he chooses you. It might be in your best interest to stick with your decision, Check in with your intution and trust yourself. Men always, always, always come back even after years. I have a cousin who got married and still begged the girl he dropped to come back to him. Remember you are the one with the power to say no. Trust me it feels powerful when you do.

  419.  #421Femininewoman on December 21, 2010 at 10:36 am

    Becky is it that you are holding out on sex or are you taking care of yourself? It seems to me that moving out, making the no girlfriend speech and circular dating is taking care of yourself. “When I moved out of his house 6 months ago, I was certain I had done the right thing.” Listen to what your voice is telling you and ask yourself if that is true. Breaking up and restarting a relationship might be pattern for you, maybe serial monogamist that he has identified and might be just giving you enough time before he does something to invite you back in. If it is a pattern trust me you don’t want to be doing this same thing 20 years later. Living with him and him enjoying you all to himself in my opinion is him putting you in a holding pattern. I am talking to myself here also to help me grow.

    Are you holding out on sex? Are you going crazing? I have read where many ladies in their 30’s end up basically wasting their lives waiting for men to step up. It would be great if every time he thinks of you he remembers you as the girl who wants to get married and have children with a man who wants to be with her and cherish her.

  420.  #422Becky on December 21, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Yes, this could be one of my bad patterns. I really do want a serious relationship and sleeping with him will probably distract me too much from that. I just wish there was some way for me to have good sex with a guy I care about and be on the lookout for Mr. Right.

  421.  #423AmberS on December 21, 2010 at 11:11 am


    Excellent posts. Good reminders for me, too.

    Thank you!

  422.  #424Jeannette on December 21, 2010 at 5:46 pm

    Dorothea, thanks for your response. My family has taught me the importance of hard work and discipline and maybe I’m a little concerned because my fiance has worked at grocery stores to compensate for only working in bands on the week-ends. He’s never had a career and a 401-k. I’ve been also taught in my family that a man should primarily take care of his woman…I know things have changed but today, his disability check would never be enough….no I don’t have a lot of bills, but I do owe on my house and the usual daily living stuff…it can add up. Brenda, no I don’t know the line in the movie, Meet Joe Black….but I do love my fiance….what would that line be? My fiance has lived with his brother paying him rent up til now.

  423.  #425Daria on December 21, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    Becky – “I just wish there was some way for me to have good sex with a guy I care about and be on the lookout for Mr. Right.”

    there is. That’s what Rori’s post is about.

  424.  #426Jeannette on December 21, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Brenda could you look at my post #418 and let me know what you meant about the line in the movie Meet Joe Black? I still want to know what I’m missing?

  425.  #427Rori Raye on December 21, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    Mata Hari – Thank you for saying that Daria TRIGGERS you when she’s high and posts…and to make this a safe place…see if you can get rid of the judgment in your mind…it will make a huge difference to your success in love…Daria’s journaling and contribution here is uniquely Daria…just as we all are…Love, Rori

  426.  #428Rori Raye on December 21, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    RAgnell – can you cut this down to 2 or 3 sentences? Love,Rori

  427.  #429tinque on December 23, 2010 at 7:04 am

    Ragnell – What is the point of your letter? Are you wanting to hurt him? Clarify things for yourself? This letter is too long if you want him to read and absorb it, and it’s harsh. It may be your truth, but if you want anything at all with this man, this letter will not likely get you there.

  428.  #430Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    Hi Jeannette!


    I am happy I found the exact script of Meet Joe Black on the internet! Here is the quote I wanted you to consider. It is a conversation on a helicopter between Parrish, played by Anthony Hopkins, and his adult daughter, Susan, who is in a relationship with Drew, Parrish’s right hand man in his business.

    Do you love Drew?

    You mean like you loved Mom?

    Forget about me and Mom — are you
    going to marry him?


    A moment.

    Don’t get carried away.

    Uh oh —

    Susan, you’re a hell of a woman.
    You’ve got a great career, you’re
    beautiful —

    And I’m your daughter and no man
    will ever be good enough for me.

    Well, I wasn’t going to say that —

    What were you going to say?

    Listen, I’m crazy about the guy —
    He’s smart, he’s aggressive, he
    could carry Parrish Communications
    into the 21st century and me along
    with it.

    So what’s wrong with that?

    That’s for me. I’m talking about
    you. It’s not so much what you say
    about Drew, it’s what you don’t say.

    You’re not listening —

    Oh yes, I am. Not an ounce of
    excitement, not a whisper of a
    thrill, this relationship has all
    the passion of a pair of titmice.

    Don’t get dirty, Dad —

    Well, it worries me. I want you
    to get swept away. I want you to
    levitate. I want you to sing with
    rapture and dance like a dervish.

    That’s all?

    Be deliriously happy. Or at least
    leave yourself open to be.

    ‘Be deliriously happy’. I’m going
    to do my upmost —

    He smiles.

    I know it’s a cornball thing but
    love is passion, obsession, someone
    you can’t live without. If you
    don’t start with that, what are you
    going to end up with? I say fall
    head over heels. Find someone you
    can love like crazy and who’ll love
    you the same way back. And how do
    you find him? Forget your head and
    listen to your heart. I’m not
    hearing any heart.
    (a moment)
    Run the risk, if you get hurt, you’ll
    come back. Because, the truth is
    there is no sense living your life
    without this. To make the journey
    and not fall deeply in love — well,
    you haven’t lived a life at all.
    You have to try. Because if you
    haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.


    Aw, you’re tough.

    I’m sorry. But give it to me again.
    The short version.

    Stay open. Who knows? Lightning
    could strike.

    I love this quote! What do you think?

  429.  #431Jeannette on December 24, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    I get what you’re talking about. Brenda, I have been head over heels in love in the past….with men who didn’t deserve my love. Truthfully, Steve is the sort of man who deserves this kind of love. Steve is scared, very scared. All’s he can think of is his cancer….I think I just need to give it time. He can’t fully love me yet because this cancer is all he can think about. I think he and I are both scared. We don’t want him to lose this battle. I’m afraid to give him 100% just in case he doesn’t…….well you know…….this is hard. Please understand this is very very hard. I have lost in love before. I am very scared….

  430.  #432Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 9:27 pm


    I feel like I understand you much better. It really does all come down to feelings, doesn’t it? Hugs!

  431.  #433Jeannette on December 24, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    Yes it does Brenda. I sound harsh when I am just scared. Thanks Brenda for standing by me.

  432.  #434Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 11:37 pm


    You are welcome! I forget, what kind of cancer does he have? Have you both explored naturopathic remedies?

  433.  #435Jeannette on December 24, 2010 at 11:51 pm

    Well, he has liver cancer. He also is diabetic. I just want them to do a liver transplant but they are trying to give him chemo directly into his liver first. His liver is diseased with cirossis. He’s on insulin. Also, he suffered a heart attack from taking a med he shouldn’t have for his diabetes back in 2005. But the doctors are saying his heart is okay for the most part.

  434.  #436Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 12:04 am


    Is he jaundiced? Now I remember suggesting colloidal silver as a cure. What do you think of that?

    I had a boyfriend die of advanced stage liver disease. Please let me know if I can support in any way.

  435.  #437Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 12:05 am