He Calls But Bethany Finds Her Anger – Post 2

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Here’s the next letter from Bethany – You can see how she’s working the Tools, feeling so much more, expressing herself in Feeling Messages, doing the Tools from the Power & Self-Esteem category on this blog and getting much better results with her men:

“Rori,
 
Okay, well, I’m going away with him for the weekend!  I felt really good last night and called and told him that I was ready for a road trip.  I felt upbeat and that translated well over the phone, I think.  So we said goodnight, then he called and asked if I would look at one of the stories he’s writing for a class and I said yes, he sent it to me, I called him back and told him what I thought. 

He thanked me, we had some back and forth, and then he asked if I was going to bed soon, I said yes, then he texted me later to say thanks and goodnite and I texted back to say goodnite but I used a feeling message: “Feels good when you let me read your stuff” or something like that.
 
So I saw him today in the office as I suspected, and as I’d been practicing my dance position – I Leaned Back and did it as best as I could.  He asked me some bullshit questions and I couldn’t think of anything!  I didn’t have anything prepared, I admit.  So then he left and I practiced all day, still thinking about him, still obsessing but working on dropping my thoughts. 

Then I missed a text from him about watching the pres. debates tonight I texted him back about two hours later with a “sure!”  and didn’t get anything back, but then I remembered he has class until 7 p.m. so I felt good again.  But now it’s almost 7:30 and the debate starts in half an hour and he hasn’t texted or called!  I feel angry and sad and frustrated at him. 

I’m stuffing it…I tried the wave thing from Modern Siren and I feel myself rocking with anger.  I feel embarrassed for being so angry about this, but how can I feel relaxed this weekend if I’m mad and disappointed about him not calling/texting?  I feel like throwing up.  I feel like punching him in the face.  How am I supposed to not stuff my feelings when/if he calls or texts?  I hate texting.
 
I wonder if he’s kind of immature.  Maybe too immature?  I don’t know.  This must have something to do with my “Stranger” but she’s not saying anything to me.  Her name is Elvira.  She’s pissed right now.
 
I feel like he doesn’t care about me if he’s not going to call me back/text me right away.  I feel like throwing up. Bethany”

I had a very simple answer for her: Bethany – You’re doing FANTASTIC! – Just keep going.  The anger is SO much BETTER than the depression, fear, sadness – AND he called when you let go…that’s the way it works. Love, Rori

 

 

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5 Comments

  1.  #1Lin on October 27, 2008 at 9:52 am

    Rori,
    First its amazing how I hear your tools.
    when I am with my man.. and he says… here .. let me pay for that for me… and he goes to get his wallet.. ( I want to say no.. I will do it instead of letting him take care of me.) now I just be quite and allow him to take care of me.
    because I hear you say… stop.! I now understand… what a difference… ! he also worked all weekend on my house with my son.
    and he is so proud with himself.. and the work
    that he did.. and he has not stopped calling me. I hope I can continue with the tools..and speaking with feeling messages..! He is actually leaning forward and I am leaning back… I am so happy…!
    He did let me down a little however I took the no.. and did not try to change anything.. .
    did not make him wrong, and did not care about the outcome. All is well… and I have to continue with all the tools.. and I love the pond and the river story. He likes being the river and I love being the pond..
    should I still continure and date other men.
    I feel I should.. its keeps me balanced… and keeps me feeling good.. I want to take care of me now.. I have not told him that I am doing this. So far I have not had to. I have showed him .. I wont take crumbs. not now.. and not in the future… I should keep doing all I have learned…I cant wait till its just second nature.

    Thank You
    Lin



  2.  #2Rori Raye on October 27, 2008 at 10:16 am

    Lin – Thank you for your incredible story and for letting me know how brilliantly you are using the Tools and how well you are EXPERIENCING them working for you.

    Staying feeling sane and balanced is what you want here, and flirting with and having lunch and coffee with other men helps you. If your man starts a discussion about it, then you can TALK – and this is how it all goes forward! Love, Rori



  3.  #3Daria on October 27, 2008 at 12:24 pm

    I feel really angry too and I don’t like it. I feel tired with it like its heavy in my body. I just snapped at a family member…

    I am going to try to flip it here. I feel absolutely murderously outraged. And I feel stuck with it. I want to feel powerful and safe and free. I feel scared of this person. I want to feel safe. I want to feel good. I feel blanked out. I feel bored. I feel all of this over so much anger. I want to toss my anger out like a bucket of water. I love my anger. It is trying to protect me. Thank you anger. I feel my tight shoulders, my heavy lower abdomen, my tight mouth. I love you all… that feels like a sigh of relief. It feels like a small smile. It feels like more and more sighs. I still feel scared in my stomach. My stomach says I should keep away from this person that can harm me. Thank you stomach. I feel afraid to communicate that to this person. I feel heavy and embarassed. I feel anger in my stomach and behind my eyes. I feel like throwing up. I love my anger feeling. I love my new tightness. That feels like relaxing a little. I feel so angry! I am feeling more powerful. I feel like communicating to this person that unless he can prove to me that he will never harm me then I do not want to have him in life. Thank you idea. I feel overwhelmed. I feel shaken and stirred. Lol. That feel like a little smile. I love the tightness in my stomach, in my lower belly. Hi tightness! I love you. I love you too shoulders and the tightenss in you. What? You are falling? That is great shoulders, I love you. No I do not want to die. I can feel you tightening back up. Yes I do want to feel free to communicate. Can God heal and change someone? I believe so. I myself have changed so much. I don’t want to feel tied to this person’s life. I do want to accept his love and still not be tied to him. I want him to be a good person. I feel happy that he is giving love to me. I feel scared that he will revert to his old mean abusive self. I want to feel that I can protect myself. What would a confident woman do? She would leave him out her life. What would a goddess do? She would leave open the space for him to heal himself, without tying her life to his. A goddess would want to be sure that a man will not harm her before allowing him into her temple. Hmmmm… I look for the strength to communicate this and I know it is in me. I feel a tension throughout my torso. I love my tension. It feel excited. I feel the tightness coming up into my mouth. I feel scared. I do not want to give up my fantasies. And that is ok. I love myself and my desires. And there is a part of me that knows this man is bad for me and should keep far away from him. And I love that part. There is a part of me too that wants him to heal and to accept him if he has healed. I have asked God to heal him and I want to accept the results as they come. And I love that part of me too. It is compassionate. I love both of you. I do not want you two parts to fight, but if you do I still love you. I want to feel whole. I want to feel strong. I want to feel immune to abuse and death. Lol. That feels like smiling and sinking. It feels like heaviness in my chest. I love my heaviness. I love my sinking. I love my smiling too. I feel scared to write on this topic in a public forum. I feel afraid to hear the obvious advice that I should leave this man alone. I feel anger. I feel super enrageo ANGER. I love my anger. And I love me. I feel powerful. I feel scared. I feel scared to communicate to him that I do not want to see him anymore. A part of me does want to see him again, and allow him to worship me as he does so well a tiny part of the time. A part of me feels triumphant and powerful that I have already learned so much and grown so much stronger that I can hang up the phone on him, not pick up calls for months and say no. I love that part of me. It feels like smiling a smug smile. And a part of me wants to shoot at him with 10 bullets (but not exactly AT him) LOL. And that feels like smiling. I LOVE that part of me. And part of me feels scared that he will kill me or harm me. And that feels sad, it feels small and deep inside and I can see my stranger Ayla dragging herself in the swamp mud she lives in. I love that part too. I love her. I love her fear of death and her powerlessness and I am here for her. I feel like smiling. I feel like buzzing tension in my upper arms and head. And that feels good. I feel the tightness in my tummy and it feels like hunger now! I feel like smiling. I feel relieved! I am going to shower.

    It is amazing how Rori’s tools work! Especially this flipping thing! Can you believe how I can shift like this? OOOH i LOVE it.

    Thank you Rori.



  4.  #4Reshi on October 27, 2008 at 4:51 pm

    Daria, that bit about wanting your guy to heal really touched my heart. I too desperately want my man to heal from all the unhappiness I’VE brought him…and part of me believes this is too much to ask, that I don’t deserve to be forgiven, that him disappearing from my life is my justified punishment. But I DO deserve forgiveness. I see that there’s still hope at the bottom of Pandora’s box. And WOW…maybe I have a little bit of Pandora in me. That story made an impression on me when I was a little girl but I had since forgotten it. I have intrepid curiosity and fearlessness, and I let all the evils out of the box, thinking that wonderful things would be in store for me as a result…and yet there is still Hope. How freeing to feel that!

    I think I’m going to look for a Pandora charm to add to my Stranger necklace. Right now it has a vagina talisman and a Kali charm–I definitely have a lot of Kali in me–in all my dreams I see myself completely and utterly DESTROYING my man with my powerful rage…and that will happen in real life too if I continue to let her run me…ok I suppose that’s all the Reshi randomness that we really need for today…



  5.  #5Lin on November 6, 2008 at 8:13 am

    Rori,
    I have worked so hard… in feeling messages.
    Not called my x J.. not judged him, not asked questions, not row the boat, not offered to make him dinner, , and not looking for certain out comes,
    I have been dating dating dating, building my esteem, keeping my boundaries.
    I have been happy. He calls often and he has been working a lot of hours… and says that’s the only thing keeping him away from me.
    He says he misses me, longs for me, and loves me.. and after this week he is all mine.
    I have told him that it does not feel good that he has allowed his x wife .. in his house. He says that will be taken care of. I said it does not feel good to have a boyfriend that allows his x to live in the other side of the house.
    any way… I have felt stronger and more in control of my self…. he asked me to have dinner with him last night. I said yes… he asked me on Monday for wed night… and he has been saying after this week… he is all mine. well last night he called me at 8:00 from his desk at work…( that’s when he should of been here at my house) I said… should I eat with out you… and he said YES. I hung up the phone. He called many times… I did not pick up… I was so angry….I could not answer the phone… after he called about 6 times and I was composed… I answered the phone.. he said. Did I hang up on him.?… I said NO, I got a very important phone call…!! Sorry,,, I would hope you did not feel devalued. by my taking the call. He hesitated, at first.. and then said
    no, I hung up on him… he is sure. and he cant handle that… he is tired and cant deal with that BS…. I said.. It does not feel good to be canceled at 8:00 at night.. I cant accept that type of treatment.. from anyone. He said he did not want to talk .. he was tired and going home to go to bed. I said good night.
    OK… I was so angry.. I drove by his house
    he was out side.. and I pulled into the drive way. Did a power speech…. however very angry. I said things to hurt him. This was bad.
    All was true feeling. and I did end it with.completely straight from the heart.. I did love him so very much. and that is why I was there. facing him and telling him how I felt.
    I also asked him just to walk into the house and shut the door.. so I can move on with my life… He said no…
    Phew .. ! I backed up walking to my car got in and drove away.. .. he called 2 minutes later .
    asked if I was home safe. he said he was sorry
    he makes me so upset. He said .. nice things.
    I said nice things… he already called this morning.. saying more nice things…
    Rori, I feel that I set us back by my out raging
    like that… its like I cant control my self..
    my stranger comes out… !! only with this man.
    its like he builds me up and lets me down. and I bite his head off.. and I am actually angry at my self for allowing it to happen. I did tell him.. that I loved my anger.. cause it protects me from him. He treats me.. like an extension of himself.. I must add he does not treat himself very well.. at all.. could this be true..
    I still love this man…. what do you think.
    I really messed up.. although he does not act like it today… at all… and that’s normal for him.
    He acts like all is great. He was talking about what he wants to do this weekend together.
    and even tonight.. with dinner.. and I accepted this… again. what do you think. ? I dont know
    if I should keep J or just move forward with the new guy M.
    M said he would wait for me to be ready for him.. ? this is after 2 dates.? M feels so good.. to me.. but I dont want to be run over hy him
    and I do feel he could do that..

    Lin