He Makes Me Laugh – What’s That About

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Here’s a “Guest Post” from Steve Warwick:

He makes me laugh… What’s that about?

You know we all have biological imperatives and hormone markers for mating, square jaws for men, heart shaped faces for women. But what does humor have to with biology and why is it so important in the mating game?

I’ll throw out my own suggestion here as I don’t expect you to answer this.
I think it is a subtle yet accurate barometer of the psychological “fitness”
and fit of the potential mate.

Let’s take a look at two different kinds of humor here. Toilet humor. It is a lowest common denominator. Poo! No matter how smart or sophisticated, we all snigger at this once in a while. What about George Carlin and his 7 dirty words. Toilet humor? Heck no, this is deep comedy with a surface of vulgarity but a witty and socially profound statement beneath.

So, if your boyfriend finds toilet humor hysterical, all the time, what does that say about him? I suggest there is a lowest common denominator kind of look to his life and if you fit with that lifestyle and outlook on life, then you’ll probably get along, the magic of chemistry and pheromones not withstanding.

And Carlin? Boyfriend is probably a professional, maybe liberal and probably smarter than the average bear if he appreciates the underlying message of the routine. And you? If that’s the kind of life you’re in or looking for then you’ll jibe with the guy who is hip and striving to make his life above the average.

While these examples are trite and oversimplified I believe the concept is sound. If your partner, boyfriend, potential mate makes you laugh without even trying, that may be a signal of a deeper mental match.

Okay – so – what do you think about this? —

Steve Warwick Ph.D.

From Rori: Steve is my dear friend, certifiable genius webmaster and the brains behind the site LoveRomanceRelationship.com (also, he’s single and lives in a cute house in the woods outside Austin, Texas, not that I’m trying to matchmake or anything!)ย  Take a look at the site, you can pick up free books and reports (good ones) and get interesting email from authors he’s featuring (Tinque’s there…). I’m an official “consultant” for him – reviewing what he publishes and making sure the content is not just good, but great; plus contributing my own articles to the other relationship experts on there.

If you’re a blogger, author or work in the relationship area, you could be published on the site – go say hi and send him your stuff! Anything from articles to ebooks to healing modalities for relationships. There’s a contact page on the site where you can write to him.

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2010 at 7:42 am

    Top of the World…..


  2.  #2Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 8:39 am

    I feel so turned on by a guy who makes me laugh.

  3.  #3tinque on October 21, 2010 at 8:39 am

    SLV – where is that? ๐Ÿ™‚

  4.  #4tinque on October 21, 2010 at 8:41 am

    Laughter is such healing medicine. I lost my laughter for many years. I think I’m making up for it now. K makes me laugh all the time. I crack myself up maybe just as much.

  5.  #5Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 8:45 am

    I laugh at just about any kind of humor. I just like to laugh. LI has a little more refined sense of humor. He doesn’t always like the kinda dumb funny movies I like. But he makes me laugh.

    Mmmm yum

    I feel juicy thinking of a guy making me laugh.

  6.  #6Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2010 at 8:59 am

    @3: tinque says:
    SLV โ€“ where is that?

    Hi tinque,
    Hee hee, it’s #1 on the Rori blog. Yea! That’s good sign…like magic! ๐Ÿ˜€


  7.  #7Nikita on October 21, 2010 at 9:03 am

    O thought full One,

    yes, I think Steve is spot on and quietly brilliant ๐Ÿ™‚

    George Carlin is practically a hero in this house and we laugh so much…. the humor may be the glue that keeps us stuck to one another. (All in the Family is also tops)

    I loved this article! Thanks Rori.

  8.  #8Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 9:06 am

    Christian Carter says that if a man doesn’t have a sense of humor, it is an indicator that he is insecure.

    I feel far more at ease with men with a sense of humor. Kenny’s jokes are sometimes perverted, but I give him space cuz I know he’s just trying to make me laugh, and I consider the harshness of his life and the perverted stuff he’s exposed to on a daily basis.

    I like it best when men use clean humor, and treat me like a lady. Something like this:

    What did Mr. Bullet say to Mrs. Bullet?
    We’re going to have a BB!

  9.  #9Denise on October 21, 2010 at 9:25 am

    The magic of “chemistry” is far from an exact science. As outlooks do not always match up perfectly, it helps to be open to possibility of a difference of an opinion, even on comedians. It’s great to share commonality but that is why there is vanilla and chocolate! And we both know which is better. : D

    The real question should be: Without being able to laugh at ourselves, how can we ever appreciate anothers’ wit?

    We laugh, and the WORLD laughs with us!

  10.  #10Denise on October 21, 2010 at 9:29 am

    One woman being matched by a matchmaker insisted that her short list of the top 5 absolute requirements for a perfect mate include that the man be funny, and have a sense of humor. The funny thing was that she never appeared to smile or laugh! That princess would not even laugh to a court jester.

  11.  #11Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 9:33 am

    Ha ha Tinque. That feels good to read.

    I crack myself up too. I’m really visual and when someone says something and I create this image in my mind. And laugh.

    And sometimes I’ll have giggle fits where I just can’t stop laughing. My body takes over and goes on this healing, cathartic, laughter trip. I love it.

  12.  #12Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 9:40 am

    Some tree guys are here this morning trimming up the frees around my house. They are very manly men. I feel kinda turned on. The main guy, I’m guessing he is married (he just has the vibe). But I still feel very cared for and they are bending over backwards to help me out. This feels good. I love being supported by masculine energy even when I know it’s not going anywhere romantically. And the guns on that one. Oh my! Apparently trimming tree makes for big biceps.

  13.  #13Nikita on October 21, 2010 at 9:58 am


    LOL ๐Ÿ™‚

    tree trimming……I wonder when their bdays are?…..the one with guns ๐Ÿ˜‰

  14.  #14tinque on October 21, 2010 at 9:59 am

    LG – “sometimes Iโ€™ll have giggle fits”
    Me too, me too. K pretends to look at me like I’m crazy, but really he’s thoroughly entertained by it all.

  15.  #15Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 10:20 am


    “K pretends to look at me like Iโ€™m crazy, but really heโ€™s thoroughly entertained by it all.”

    same here! I love it.

  16.  #16Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 10:24 am

    Nikita: hmmmm, I wonder. I’m going to have to go on a fact finding mission.

    I kinda want to do dirty things with the main guy. He’s not really my type physically. But he’s so large and in charge yet sweet and chivalrous toward me. I tend to feel attracted to alpha men.

    Yum! I love men!

  17.  #17K on October 21, 2010 at 10:58 am

    Because making jokes is a form of demonstrating social dominance (laughter is submissive). Women generally prefer men who make them laugh while men tend to prefer women who laugh at their jokes.

  18.  #18Jori on October 21, 2010 at 11:04 am

    Humor and smiles are the things that attracted me most to my ex-…in fact, he draws most people in (males, females) who find him quite funny and clever.

    Unfortunately, I was so unhappy with most other aspects of the relationship I couldn’t even crack a smile.

    BTW Where do I go on this site to post questions and just stuff other than responding to these newest blog topics, and to get feedback from other members? I am confused about this site now.

  19.  #19Katarina Phang on October 21, 2010 at 11:08 am

    SG makes me laugh a lot too! We do crack each other up. It feels great to be able to laugh so much with someone you love.

  20.  #20Simply Shannon on October 21, 2010 at 11:17 am

    I just got asked out on a date. ๐Ÿ˜ฏ


    My first audition for leading man! Hooray!!!!!!!!!

    Phew. I just expended way too much mental energy. I need a nap.

    ๐Ÿ˜ฏ OMG! ๐Ÿ˜€

  21.  #21Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 11:18 am

    SS: I feel excited!!!

  22.  #22Simply Shannon on October 21, 2010 at 11:21 am

    Regarding this post, laughter and sex are the things that go first when resentment and anger are brewing in a relationship. I actually missed laughing when I was dating Mr. Fab Kisser. We kissed constantly but not so much on the laughing. This post is making some stuff line up for me.

    I don’t want a relationship where I don’t laugh. Boooo! I want to feel happy and smiley and laugh a lot!

  23.  #23Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 11:21 am

    The man I pined over for 2 years made me laugh a lot. He was outrageously funny and clever. Unfortunately that doesn’t make up for his extreme feminine energy and serious issues around commitment.

    I feel bad for the lady he’s with now. She’s a friend of nine and I get to hear all the gory details of his lack of sex drive, back and forth behaviour. Ewww I feel icko just thinking about it.

  24.  #24Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 11:23 am


    But I feel thankful that his behaviour pushed me to get in to Rori’s teachings. Thank you for that funny, no sex drive man.

  25.  #25Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 11:25 am

    I like spelling some words the way they do in the UK. I don’t know why but the extra U just makes me feel good.

  26.  #26Daria on October 21, 2010 at 11:53 am

    Jori – we just ask here on the newest threads. It doesn’t have to be pertinent to the topic of the post.

  27.  #27Nikita on October 21, 2010 at 12:20 pm


    when we say-or have said….blah, blah……that guy had commitment issues…….I feel reminded of when that is going on, what am I putting ‘out there’ that this is the man/was the man who show’d up for me?

    have you ever seen a man’s pattern of behavior magically shift in front of our eyes when we are genuinely sending a different intention with?

    I ask you that because I recall reading you felt a bit like a loner and enjoy mental space(i think it’s a gemini mental processes thing ๐Ÿ˜‰ )
    -but really…and I am in no hurry to get an answer, I feel more interested in writing the question down.

  28.  #28Hadassah on October 21, 2010 at 12:25 pm

    I swear to GOD I am going to sound like the biggest, whiniest thing out there, but if I hear that any more of my friends and acquaintances are newly engaged or married, I am going to throw up. I don’t know why this is bothering me so much today, but it is!!

    I feel like the last single woman I know. Literally. Everyone I know has been married for a while, is newly married, is engaged, or is newly engaged. EVERYONE I know. Girls that have been dating guys for 4 MONTHS are engaged. (Not that I think that is the smartest thing in the world, but still). I just feel like it is never going to happen for me. I’m in a good relationship, I don’t want to rush into marriage, but I guess part of me wishes I had a big romantic proposal story to share. And a ring to show off. And a wedding to plan. And that I know I am with THE ONE.

    It doesn’t help that I am 28 and have never been married or even engaged. I have been the woman that has dated the guy that “just wasn’t ready” and then when I ended those seemingly dead end relationships after spending a couple years with each with them, they married their very next girlfriend.

    I don’t want to get married just for the sake of being so, but wow. I guess I am majorly triggered by this. It’s like I feel as though the universe is rubbing it in my face that it so isn’t happening for me anytime soon, but “EVERY SINGLE WOMAN YOU KNOW is going to be married before you are!”

    Boo. Does anyone else out here in Rori land feel at all this way???

  29.  #29mary on October 21, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    When Old Flame came to visit, his humor really put me off. His jokes were aimed at cutting me down although I don’t think he realized what he was doing. He thought he was being funny.

    For instance, one day I was supposed to make us some sandwiches. I got a few curve balls thrown at me in the work sector and had to attend to those, which made me late, and I was just barely able to pick him up from his hotel in time for the day. His first statement: “I bet you forgot the sandwiches…”

    And another time, we were going on an adventure that I’d done many times before, with the same tour company. When we arrived, the tour director was nowhere to be seen. We waited a while and Old Flame kept saying, “I knew you should have called first…” to which I replied, “Hey, we have two hours to figure this out!” (He wanted to be THAT early.) And we figured out that the tour company had moved down the street. We walked over there and signed up for our adventure and had an hour and a half to spare.

    His humor made me not want to be with him for another second.

    On the other hand, my man (Music Man) caught a fish and it was not a keeper. It was a dog fish (looks like a shark), so he gently, gently removed the hook and then gave us all a crazy look as he threw the fish over his head back into the water. It was hilariously funny. He and I are laughing all the time, at everything… at nothing.

    It’s so fun.

  30.  #30mary on October 21, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    Interesting, Nikita.

    changing the vibe and getting a different response…

    i like it. it happened for me.

    usually i’m so cued into the GUY’s vibe, but with Rori’s tools, one day – a critical day in the relationship – i sensed that my guy was backing away, or possibly comparing me to someone else, or conflicted for some reason (maybe nothing to do with me at all), and i just switched my focus to ME and enjoyed the day on the water, the fog in the air, the sights we were seeing, and then – at the end of the day – i threw my hands in the air and said, “Wow, I just LOVE the ocean.”

    and that night was an amazing evening of cooking and wine and laughter and music and kisses…

  31.  #31mary on October 21, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    oh! Rori…

    thank you for reinstating the font!

    it’s so wonderful to read and makes your blog so user-friendly!

    i love it.

  32.  #32janjune on October 21, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    Rori I love you!!!
    You are such a genius!!
    I love you for sharing so freely your healing process with us.
    thankyouthankyouthankyou angel rori!

    i’ve finally gotten through most of my anger… feels like 95% got dumped riffing and triggering and then taking what i knew about the triggers and working through them in my real life…

    I decided to try online dating again (I’m in my 50’s) even though i’m still afraid of getting murdered ๐Ÿ™‚

    but I’m getting some nice guys. I have a date for sunday night with someone who i don’t think will be anyone serious, but we share the same sense of humor and he is really stepping up as i lean back, even while IMing :). I just sit there and wait and he picks up the slack and does something with it.

    he asked what I would like to do sunday, do i play pool? i said I don’t play pool but it sounds like fun and would play pool if that’s the date he plans for us. he seemed to really dig it ๐Ÿ™‚ I mean he just jumped right back in there and

  33.  #33Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Ummmm ya, I might have just overfunctioned with the tree guys.

    They were having a problem with the chipper and asked of I had a steel pipe and I didn’t. But I said I could check with the neighbor cuz he’s pretty handy. And I went over and got the neighbor and he came over and fixed it.

    And now I feel bad and weird. The vibe seemed to change. I dunno if it was their frustration over the broken chipper, or they were hungry, or if it was due to my overfunctioning. And then main guy left without even saying bye which felt kinda weird.

    Ooooo, I feel sad. I feel disappointment. I guess it doesn’t really matter cuz it’s just the tree guy after all, not the love of my life. Maybe it was a good lesson.

    I feel frustration though. I’m pretty resourceful and can come up with creative solutions. Am I just supposed to sit around til they figure something out.

    Omg!!!!! what if I just a dude? A smart dude who can get stuff done, make things happen.

    Whaaaaaaaaa! ยกNo me gusta!

  34.  #34Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    Meant to say “what if I’m just a dude to them?

  35.  #35Daria on October 21, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    LG – what if you’re just a girl who doesn’t like to feel unseen?


    what if feeling sad and abandoned is just a trigger from the past

  36.  #36mary on October 21, 2010 at 1:24 pm

    hey Laughing Goddess,

    I like it that you did that. You got it fixed! And the guy who fixed it probably felt very powerful. The tree guy will come back and next time you can fix him a lemonade… !!

  37.  #37mary on October 21, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    ummmm, ya!

    it might be easier to be a guy.
    you could just go to work and come home.
    help around the house. do hero stuff. get some sex.
    then back to work.

    that sounds pretty easy.

  38.  #38Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    Yes Nikita yes…gosh. I’m the unavailable one. I know.

    Seriously tho’. I get what you’re saying. Feeling kinda blah at the moment. Will take it more into consideration in a bit. ๐Ÿ™‚

  39.  #39Daria on October 21, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    wouldn’t fixing him lemonade after she felt bad be overfunctioning?

  40.  #40Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    I feel like bawling reading that Daria. A bunch of feelings came up about being abandoned. I’m crying now.

    And the landlords gave the guys a budget. And they couldn’t trim the trees as much as I wanted even tho they did do some extra above and beyond what the landlord paid for. And I really wanted to get some sun in here for the winter. I live in the forest, serious forest, which is beautiful but I need some sun. Just a little.

    I feel whiny.

    But most I feel sad cuz I do have some triggers about being abandoned. ๐Ÿ™

    the work they did does look nice though. Really nice. It would take about three more days of the same work to really do it properly.

  41.  #41mary on October 21, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    lemonade for the tree crew, not for the hero… would that be overfunctioning?

    sounds nice.

    oh! LG… i do love the forest! but i know how wonderful it is to have light in the house.

    may you have more light for your days.

  42.  #42Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    Really thanks so much for Daria, Mary, and Nikita for your insights. It’s really all good, helpful stuff.

    I need to come back to it when I’m in a more open space. I’m in super funk right now. Gonna work through this and come back.

    Thank you so much.

  43.  #43Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    Btw Daria, I wasn’t blaming you for me crying. Reread my words and I feel worried it may have sounded that way.

    I feel like a baby. Like I’m totally regressing right now and I just want to throw a fit. This tree situation is really triggering me. Lots of energy moving around the house. Lots of activity. I feel sensitive.

  44.  #44Nikita on October 21, 2010 at 2:01 pm


    what if the tree guys come back….or the Landlord asks and you give them your no “blocking the light during winter” speech.

    Oh, the work you did looks really good and I feel sad because I was hoping for light this winter….and after seeing how much work you guys did,I feel a little guilty about admiting there are still trees blocking the sun ๐Ÿ™
    I feel so much more desire for light and I just feel sad complaining when everyone did work so hard to make a difference.

    ugh-I feel scattered…. you get my point, yes?

  45.  #45Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    Hi Mary, I love the forest too. But this feels a little overwhelming. There are at least a 100 big trees within a 30′ perimeter around my house. It feels stuffy and claustraphobic (spelling?)

    The main problem is that they all have tons of dead branches on the lower parts. I’d be thrilled to have that cleaned up and maybe thin out a few of the areas that are really dense.

    I’ve heard that it’s healthier for the forest. That the trees don’t thrive when it’s that dense.

    It feels healthier for me too. I already feel better with the work they did. I can feel a breeze now. Even tho there is so much more that could be done, this is a start. Feels like a step in the right direction.

    Btw, the one guy did come back. Definitely triggered some abandonment stuff.

  46.  #46Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    Nikita: yes, that sounds wonderful. Triggers feeling of unworthiness tho. Who am I to ask for things? I don’t deserve to ask for things. Who am I to want some light and a little breeze?

    Omg!!!! I feel amzed by how much this is triggering me.

  47.  #47Nikita on October 21, 2010 at 2:24 pm


    what if you were bugs bunny in drag…..then what would that look like:? asking for things as your inner Bugs ๐Ÿ˜€

  48.  #48Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    Nikita, I feel soooo glad you asked about the b-days. Some very revealing (and not surprising) info here. June 3, April 8, dec 31

    June 3 – main guy, owns business, coordinating everything, the face guy

    April 8 – guy who climbs the trees and takes the dead branches off with the chainsaw, hottie!!!, huge biceps, got kinda impatient with this one tree, said he’s been do this for 11 years. Didn’t really talk to him til after the main guy left. Yum

    Dec 31 – raker and fix-it guy, clean up crew, didnt really connect with him too much

    I feel curious to hear your take on this.

  49.  #49PassionatelyPisces on October 21, 2010 at 2:27 pm


    I’m new here. I learned about Rori a little over a month ago, and have two of her programs. I’ve been ‘lurking’ on the board every day and learning so much from all you lovely Sirens ๐Ÿ™‚

    I won’t go into too much here, as I understand this will go into moderation before it’s posted.

    As my ‘name’ indicates I am a textbook Pisces—although I’m not sure I entirely believe in all that stuff. (The personality traits seem to ring so true, I must admit…)

    I moved/left a 12year relationship (in June) and I’m on a personal journey which is both exciting and frightening at the same time. There was a time I would not have been “ready” for Rori’s tools and material. I was too full of anger and blame. I’ve been working on that since long before I left; and after I got her first e-mail I was sure this would help me along in just the perfect way.

    I’ve tried to figure out (in context) the meaning of “riffing” and “triggering”—but can someone explain exactly what they mean and how to use them?

    With all this talk of humor and ‘tree men’ I’m pretty sure I’m in the right place! ๐Ÿ™‚


  50.  #50Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    Gemini, Aries, and Cap of course. These signs are always showing up in my life. Faces change but the roles remain the same.

    Bugs bunny in drag? I could be bugs bunny in drag.

  51.  #51Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    If I didn’t have already have an Aries hottie, I would seriously consider Mr. Biceps.

  52.  #52Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 2:41 pm


    RE: #27 – I come from a large extended family with maybe 35 cousins on my Dad’s side. About 15 years ago, while attending my cousin’s wedding, several cousins pointed out that I was the last single cousin. It felt yucky, considering some of them are about 5 years younger than me.

    When I married Kenny in 2003, no one we knew attended our wedding, because it was held in the prison visiting room, and not many people were behind me. It was the most unromantic wedding I could imagine.

    So here I am 15 years later still pretty much the only unmarried cousin. I see people my age who are grandmothers, and I don’t want to be single any more.

  53.  #53mary on October 21, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    hello Brenda!

    it could be fun out there in the jungle of no-Ryan…


    yes, i think so!

    lots of single guys not wanting to be single any more, too!

  54.  #54Daria on October 21, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    L’ade Maria Aldama ~

    thinks that if we dont laugh- we will repeat.

  55.  #55Luzy on October 21, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    How can you define “funny” when that means different things to different people. I’ve met guys online that say they are funny, but for me they were trying too hard to be funny. So sense of humor is never a requirement for me. I laugh at myself, but I am not the type to seek a joke out of anything, I am just candid.

  56.  #56Daria on October 21, 2010 at 3:15 pm

    LG – i think feeling like a baby is very appropriate when dealing with abandonment issues…

    i think a lot of abandonment feelings were created early in childhood, when we were babies

    i often feel like that, (a long with maybe a wordless confusion from before i knew how to speak) when i am working on embracing feeling abandoned

  57.  #57Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    Mary, I feel good reading your stories. Especially the one where you turned the vibe around. I felt super ick hearing Old Flame’s idea of humor. I feel glad you scaddalded right outta there. I would feel very unattracted to that too.

    Anywho, just wanted to welcome you back.

    And also, I got a little defense and over-explainy about the trees. My stuff. I feel worried people will judge me for wanting to cut down stuff trees.

    Oh man, so many opportunities for triggers today. How do I keep up with all this?

    Just gonna relax and let life carry me down the river.

  58.  #58Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    Daria: how are you embracing feeling abandoned? I like the idea but having a hard time envisioning it?

  59.  #59Katarina Phang on October 21, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    So here’s what SG said about our night last night:

    “We sure had some nice grooves going on last night – one of my favorite nights with you thus far – and that’s saying a lot.”

  60.  #60Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    Nikita: re the unavailable guy who was a lovely mirror for where I was at at the time…

    Thanks for pointing that out. I realized towards the end of my infatuation with him that the reason he was so attractive was because he was “safe” and that I was really the unavailable one.

    I’m afraid that since then I’ve gotten a little lazy and gone back to telling the story that he’s the commitment phobe. Thanks for helping me stay on point and in integrity. Feels much better.

  61.  #61Nikita on October 21, 2010 at 4:09 pm


    would def. be gunnin for the apr.8 hottie ๐Ÿ™‚

  62.  #62Pepe on October 21, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    Laughing is real good ! i just love it , my friends say i have a sarcastic humour. I just love a guy who doesn’t takes himself seriously, i had a guy who thought he was the hot stuff said to me on first date: people tell me i look like brad pitt ! with that i’m proud of that ! smile on his face …eu… so ?


    I feel you girl !
    It’s like EVERYwhere i turn there’s a girl flashing an engagement ring ! and you have to pretend to feel oh super happy about that and say something that’s so cliche like yeah i’m just…u know waiting for the right guy hahaha…hum hum


  63.  #63Rori Raye on October 21, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    Hi – Passionately – I’m a Pisces, too – Welcome! Love, Rori

  64.  #64Rori Raye on October 21, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    K – I’ve never heard that before about laughter – I’m going to look into that! Thanks, Rori

  65.  #65jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    I love Margaret Cho – my boyfriend tells jokes like why is 6 mad at 7 – cuz 7 ate nine, well I knew that one. He even makes em up – like what does a cored apple feel like? peeled. I know it’s not technically correct but it’s cute. I hate potty mouth humor.

    So, do you know the difference between an elephant and a loaf of bread??


  66.  #66jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    well I’m not sending you to the store for a loaf of bread, then!

  67.  #67Siena on October 21, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    I’m a Pisces too! I knew Rori was one also when I listened to Modern Siren (or was it Commitment Blueprint?).

    Welcome Passionately! Daria explains riffing best!

  68.  #68jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    @ Daria – Rori said to ask you about riffing, but when I ask questions of you I feel like I annoy you. So, who’s can tell Pieces about riffing and triggering?

    Hi, Pisces….I haven’t quite figured this out myself –

    but riffing is a form of communicating our feelings where we allow ourselves full expression without pulling anyone else into our expression. IMO, it doesn’t always work – and voila! that leads into triggers.

    Everyone else can perhaps tell you more – and eventually we all end up on the newest page because it gets too hard to type on the others.

    Knocksoftly – I think you have progressed by being here, sharing some difficult things about yourself, and continuing to be open and to be here!! Good for you darlin….and I feel so bad. Toxic men are so charismatic…Hurts so good….yes, I know!


  69.  #69Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 5:24 pm

    One of the most helpful things a high school teacher ever said to me is, “Brenda, don’t take yourself so seriously!”

    I thought about it a lot and little by little, I realized that I was insecure. So I learned to lighten up and be able to laugh at myself. We all make mistakes, you know?

  70.  #70jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    Oh, sorry, Mr. Man says that’s not his joke! It’s “does an apple without a core a peel to you”…so, to make him happy I shall re-tell the joke. LOL….at least I have laughter in my life in the form of wordplay all the time!


  71.  #71tinque on October 21, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    After losing my oh so special Kittyman of 20 years and 5 months September of last year and Brandy puppy this past June at 17, kitty Peanut is about ready to pass too at 20 years 7 months. I feel so sad. He’s my last baby. Please go in your sleep. I don’t want to make that decision again. It’s just too hard.

  72.  #72Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    I feel lonely. I called Ryan twice tonight, after 18 days, and I left two voicemails.

  73.  #73Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 5:45 pm


    I am sorry you are sad about your pets. I used to make that decision, and then I really liked it when I watched a “Croc Hunter” episode where Steve Irwin slept in the living room on the floor with his dog when she was facing her last days. It’s so hard, I know.

    I have no idea where you live, but I have a litter of three kittens right now if you want one…or two! They were born August 16th.

    “You could have missed the tears, but you would have missed the dance.”

    Thinking of you

  74.  #74Lizzie on October 21, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    I know a huge amount about abandonment. I am a worrier mom to RAD kids – what do you want to know?

    My moment of insight – sarcasm is a form of anger. I never believed this the first time I read that somewhere – then I started to really pay attention to those times when others were sarcastic and when I was sarcastic. Yes funny, now look deeper and see what the feeling is. Absolutely fascinating journey of exploration. In my clients, the more sarcastic they are, the more angry and afraid the seem to really be – the sarcasm seems to be a tool used to mask and hide what is really going on with them.

  75.  #75Pepe on October 21, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    When you feel insecure it’s hard to loosen up…specially when a guy that you like makes a funny comment about you and laughs… and wham !
    you completely forget that you were having a wonderful time ALL you can think off is : ” Does my nose REALLY looks like pinochio’s…really ? really ???? ” honey while you’re ordering the coffee, i’m gonna go to the bathroom to …check on something ( in the mirror !) i’ll be right back.

    And what i don’t like is when you’re not sure if he’s just innoncently teasing you and just wants to laugh with you…or is he laughing AT you ?

    Or when they are in fact laughing at you and see that you’re uncomfortable or unhappy about the comment he made, he goes : ” i was just kidding ! ”
    yeah…my nose feels really amused.


  76.  #76tinque on October 21, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    Lizzie – sarcasm is also a form of fear.

  77.  #77Turtle Girl on October 21, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    You are not alone. A lot of folks I know are married happily. I have had more than one marraige. Neither were happy. It’s not a guarantee that getting married will make your life better.

    I have been single fore years. Eleven. It sucks. I get so lonely some days I just ly in my bed abnd cry. I lay there and think that I will never find a man that is right for me or that I can relate to or that loves me for me. I feel like an outcast, a weirdo, a broken thing that can not be fixed. I feel like no one will ever love me the way I want and need to be loved.

    These feelings are terrible. They make me not only cry but I can on occasion get very depressed over this fact of my life. AT one point I had aceepted that I might never be with a lover. I thought that being alone the rest of my life would be fine. Then after spending seven long years with no sex and no dates I knew I could not live that way any more. Now I have been dating for about 3 or 4 years and still after meeting literally over 300 men I have found no one that is a match. It can be very disheartening.

    I am not like this all the time, I susually get out there and continue to date, but recently I just “broke up” with one ofmy CD men and it is not feeling too good. He wanted to be exclusive after 5 months and when he realized I really meant the no girlfriend speech he got ugly and said terrible things to me about how much I hurt him and how by wanting me to himself he was “commiting to me” and how I could not commit to him by being his girlfriend so its over.

    he said things to me that hurt. He said that by me wanting to still date others that I was “losing myself” and that I must want a man with a bigger dick and a bigger house and more money. it was horrible. I feel so crappy after his words. I think they say more about his fears than me. But it still hurt me. Wow. I never felt like that as all. I actually really cared for him but he dumped me because of the circular dating I wanted to do. Now I am grieving that. It totally sucks tonite. I feel very sad.

  78.  #78Dorothea on October 21, 2010 at 5:52 pm

    The best riffing eventually boils down to feelings that aren’t just passive past-participial forms of verbs, which ultimately ARE blaming. Past participles for those of you who slept through this useless information in English class are the -ed adjectives (and other endings that do the same thing). So, I feel attackED. I feel bulliED. I feel hurt. I feel unseen. I feel unheard. The thing about these “feelings” is that they are blames in disguise, because the unspoken parenthetical statement that follows is (BY YOU).

    I would feel so happy and peaceful if I could borough deeper than this. So instead of “i feel unseen,” it would feel so much less judgy for me to say “I feel invisible.”

  79.  #79Luzy on October 21, 2010 at 5:56 pm


    calling him and not getting an answer will make you feel lonelier. Go out and talk to a stranger at a store or something. I do that and my urge to call a guy who seem uninterested goes away.

  80.  #80Jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    Tinque – I have a lot of good stuff a support group sent me when my Angel Goose left me at 19 years….I’ll be happy to foward it. It was a huge help!

    Angels on your angel’s shoulder….


  81.  #81Lizzie on October 21, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    Yes tinque – fear!
    Pepe – I don’t buy into having fun poked at me at the very early stages of a new date – the trust just isn’t there. I might smile and chuckle but you can rest assured he will not be seen again. If on the other hand, he is making fun of an awkward thing I did, by relating something he had done equally awkward, as a means of helping to relax, then all is well!
    Someone said, if he is the right guy, I can not do or say anything that would be bad… I love that!!

    I am such a bad mother….there is absolutely no food in my house….my kids are starving…. better go grocery shopping at the place that is open til midnight….I so hate being a single mom sometimes…- other times I love it. I love it that I am not like other mothers – those perfect mothers that show up with snacks for all the swimmer-kids….and I do a drive-by…..

  82.  #82Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 6:03 pm


    That’s a good idea. I like that. I am texting back and forth with him right now. I know I blew it but I just can’t stand it sometimes after we shared so much of our lives.

  83.  #83Jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    @ Dorothea – I feel censored and even more confused – I can now be riffing in a gramatically incorrect manner? It would make me happy to have a clear definition of what defines riffing and what “rules” there are around it. Like starting with, the tool of riffing is appropriate when……for expresssing……and is intended to…………….

    And if it results in you feeling????………then you are triggered. And the way to move past triggering is>>>>>>>

    Are you stepping up for the question?


  84.  #84Dorothea on October 21, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    I feel so proud and jealous that you held long eye contact with men last night, brenda. i thought about it every time i looked away from a man today, haha. timid me. i just feel like men dont start looking in my direction until i look like crap. then i feel terrified of looking them in the eye.

  85.  #85Dorothea on October 21, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i’m not trying to censor anyone. you’re misunderstanding me.

  86.  #86Dorothea on October 21, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    there’s no such thing as a riff that is grammatically incorrect. good riffing, however, CAN be partly described in grammatical terms

  87.  #87tinque on October 21, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    thank you Jacqueline, but K is all the support I need.

  88.  #88Pepe on October 21, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    I totally agree with you ! right on !

    Turtle girl

    If the fact that you were dating others while seing him bottered him that much and that he wanted you for himself well then why didn’t he just commit to you ? And the fact that he felt the need to bring you down with those nasty comments says a lot about him and…it is not attractive at all ! it just proves that is he is nastier … ew
    Just simply and totally FORGET about him !
    Others guys wanted to date you and that means u’re a hot siren ! inside and outside. Remember that.


  89.  #89tinque on October 21, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    dorothea – I just love that. I’m an English major, so I guess I would, the subtleties of speech to me are SO important. I get off on it, well, not really.. you know.

  90.  #90Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 6:10 pm


    My kitten just stepped on the keyboard and erased everything I had just written you.

    I first became aware of the connection between sarcasm and anger when I watched the movie, “Anger Management.” The anger management coach said, “Sarcasm is the ugly cousin of anger.”

    I gave it a lot of thot and became increasingly aware of how often I used sarcasm. I have gotten a lot more honest with my real feelings instead of covering them up with the defense of sarcasm. Not perfect, but I’m in process.

  91.  #91Dorothea on October 21, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    i feel like a tool. wait that is judging. i feel way exposed and insecure for talking about things in terms of one of my passions (grammar). i feel unworthy and unentitled to my passion. i feel triggered. hi trigger. negative voices telling me no one wants to hear that ish and i either sound like a moron posing as a smart person or a braniac. negative voice says i am trapped in a paradigm that offers only these two polar options and i am doomed.

    feeling excited and comforted that i just said hi to my trigger.

  92.  #92Jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    @Dorothea – I feel like I’m breaking rules that are unwritten. Rori said ask Daria, I’m asking,and I’ve always been confused about it. Sometimes riffing seems like free form prose, sometimes, poetry, sometimes stories as allegory or illustration, etc. And sometimes it feels like the rules change….

    thank you!

    Lizzie, hang in there – I agree, sarcasm often seems laced with contempt, huh? Hope you feel better, too!

    Off for now – thanks all,

  93.  #93Dorothea on October 21, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    I lost the password to my e-book. I would like to see if there was anything in there about riffing.

  94.  #94Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    @78 Turtle Girl,

    It is difficult to have someone walk away when you are caring about them in any way. I hope you feel better soon.

    I’m learning CD and I have been living single for a very, very long time. Until I learn more, my position is that I won’t use the words “CD” to a guy. What words did you use to describe your dating more than one man? If you didn’t use any special words, how did you describe it, if you described it? So far I don’t plan to describe it; maybe I should know more.

    I am very impressed with the number of your dates/men. It’s so remarkable. All the best to you. It’s very possible that your someone special is just around the corner. You only need one final one and maybe he is the next one. Don’t give up.


  95.  #95Dorothea on October 21, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    This is what riffing is for me. When I get/feel triggered, I want to find the deeper and usually physical feeling that corresponds to it. When I find THAT, it starts to dissipate just from being identified. Riffing is how I cut through the trigger and all the thoughts and negative v’s and distractions that came with it. It is really calming and powerful if you let yourself be brave enough to do it. sometimes i don’t let myself riff because i want to stay stuck in feeling yucky for one (unhealthy) reason or another.

  96.  #96Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    Here’s my pathetic text convo with Ryan…

    Ryan: “Hey, I got your message. I can’t really talk. I was just on my way out the door.”

    I wrote: “Hi, I feel embarrassed contacting you. I’ve lasted 18 days. Does that earn me any Ryan points? ๐Ÿ™‚ I am really missing you.”

    Ryan: “Ok”

    Me: “I feel sad. I don’t want to pressure you but I felt hopeful for more chat after 18 days. :-(”

    Ryan: “What do you want to talk about?”

    Me: “How are you? What are you up to?”

    Ryan: “I’m doing ok. I was just going over to a friend’s to hang out for a little while.”

    I want to cry right now. He is so distant to me. I miss it when he came to my house every single night. We had so many good times together. I wonder if it’s a woman. I bet it is. I feel sadder yet.

    Me: “I wonder if your friend is a woman.”

    He wrote: “No, it’s a man.”

    Me: ๐Ÿ™‚ I miss you so much. I can’t help it. I have been trying to be strong. It would feel so good to be close to you like I used to feel. What do you think/feel?

    Ryan: What else do you want to talk about?

    Me: Thank you for answering me. I went to a fun cafe last night and heard a band with a friend. I liked the informal atmosphere.

    Ryan: That’s good. Will you be able to do that again?

    Me: Yeah. I like it. People were friendly and down to earth. Have you found some good places to enjoy the night life there?

    Ryan: Well, I’m usually in bed pretty early because I usually take my meds early now.

    Should I let it drop?

  97.  #97Hadassah on October 21, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    @Brenda and Pepe – It just gets so OLD. The questions, the pity looks, the so called friends that laugh and make such comments as, “oh maybe you’ll be next FINALLY.” As they giggle and wave their ring in my face. UGH.

    @TurleGirl – that REALLY sucks about him. And I know it wont make it hurt you any less, but it really does sound like he was projecting his insecurities about himself all over you. The saying really nasty things to you makes me believe he was trying to bully you into doing what he wanted, and when he realized it wasn’t going to happen, he just let you have it. I really think that every man that comes into our life is there to teach us more about what we want, what we don’t want, what we must have, and we we absolutely can not stand. It helps me to make lists of those 4 things when I feel as though the black hole of “I am NEVER going to have a permanent life partner” tries to suck me back into it.

  98.  #98Hadassah on October 21, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    @ Brenda #97 – Did texting with him make you feel better or worse? I am getting the impression you feel worse after this exchange, so I would say drop it for now. HUGS!

  99.  #99Daria on October 21, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    OH M
    Y GOD

    the most amazing thing happened!!

    i went to the gym with my mom, because she said she wanted to help me resolve with them… i felt like strangling the girl manager there from the way i felt treated last time, she didnt even invite me in the office

    WELL the girl started being rude as at first, but my mom put her in check and after like 20 minutes of the girl pulling all the spiel and stuff

    my mom got them to waive what they said i owed, AND GET THE REFUND that is she got it added onto her account for 2 free months

    omg i am so in awe

    i feel like im related to superman Goddess

    i am going to EFT my way to negotiating or being as assertive and strong and able to deal with professional people as my mom

    I left out of there with my chest and thighs tight and SHAKYING

    i am WOWED



  100.  #100Dorothea on October 21, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    do not want to stay in boy voice. feels. tiring. blaaaaaahhhhh i need oil

  101.  #101Daria on October 21, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    LG – i embrace feeling abandoned by doing the stranger exercise..

    or similarly inner child… i go there and see the abandoned little girl or baby and then hug her and tell her i will protect her now

  102.  #102Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 6:42 pm


    I feel somewhat better, even tho it felt strained.

    I didn’t respond, and finally just now he wrote:

    “Well, I got to go. Talk to you later.”

    Me: “I feel good to hear from you. It makes my day when you contact me. Good night!”

    Ryan: “Good night”

    I feel pathetic. No, I can’t stand it that he’s not here at my house night after night like he was for ten months! It feels awful that he’s like a stranger.

  103.  #103Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 6:44 pm


    I’m happy for you about getting your gym membership resolved! Yay!

  104.  #104Daria on October 21, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    Jaqueline – “Daria โ€“ Rori said to ask you about riffing, but when I ask questions of you I feel like I annoy you.”

    I don’t like being assumed about or talked to this way.

  105.  #105Daria on October 21, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    Brenda – thank you! I am like stunned. That is SO FAR from my skills im like, THIS REALLY HAPPENS???

    like WHOA

    good thing for EFT i can use it as a resource

  106.  #106Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    Jaqueline: I feel hesitant to answer your questions about riffing or other topics. I feel scared I am being baited into a debate. I feel a little resentful because I get the sense you haven’t read Rori’s ebook or listened to her cd’s. I don’t want to have to prove these concepts to you or take the time to explain the basics when they are all right there in the ebook.

    If I thought that someone was genuinely asking for the information and would receive what I have to share with grace and appreciation, I would be all over it. But when I feel like I’m going to be challenged and pulled in to a debate, I feel kinda shut down and interested in doing other things.

  107.  #107Cynthia Bullock on October 21, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    I love this from Patty Contenta on the CD from this month where she is quoting the Italian woman. (Although I did laugh out loud when she referred to her as an ELDERLY woman, then said she was in her SIXTIES…elderly? Oh please!)

    It is the man’s job to conquer the woman.
    It is not the woman’s job to conquer the man.
    She needs to stand in her power, and then say, “Which one is worthy of me?”

    I love this quote. I played it over and over and said it along out loud. Hey, if things don’t work here, I’m freakin’ movin’ to Italy! lol

  108.  #108Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 7:04 pm


    Ditto. Ugh.

  109.  #109Daria on October 21, 2010 at 7:13 pm


    There is nothing in the book about riffing because “WE” i forgot who per say made it up.

    Riffing is not really that definite.

    It can be a free form of the thoughts in our head that feel bad, while also noticing feelings.

    Unloading the negative voices and worries in our head…

    “I am so stupid, that feels bad, I hate him, he hates, me… o h i feel like im 5”

    just a free form writing letting the voices speak

    poetic and images are great

    there is also the way we started with Rori which is to make a list of all our worries

    and then FLIP to what we want… and what that would feel like


    “I’m worried I’ll never find a man to be with forever”

    FLIP “I WANT to be in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man, and that would FEEL like, warm, comfortable, smily, open chest and heart, clear head, head up straight, leaned back, relaxed legs … ”

    and continue

    one of the BEST ways, and what I think is Riffing is described by Rori in this post (you can find this and more about Riffing as I described going through the oldest posts in the Power and Self Esteem section on the bar to the right of the blog):

    this is a way that i haven’t seen many people other than myself use on blog lately,

    and its the way that REALLY WORKED for me to get my emotions transforming…

    its about finding them IN my Body (totally clueless and difficult at first)… then writing and saying… and I LOVE that feeling in my body, … and THAT (loving that feeling… ) feels like — new feeling —

    continue — this will keep having different reactions in the body — until you find yourself smiling and feeling good

    here’s the Rori article:

    Love The Sensations In Your Body
    Thursday, 9 October 2008 @ 2:28pm โ€ข My Weblog

    Hereโ€™s a Tweak for the last step we did in this series, about going into the SENSATIONS in your body that come up as youโ€™re RIFFING through these Tools.

    In step one, you listed your โ€œproblems.โ€ then we Flipped them into WANTS, then we went into how wanting something feels, then to how HAVING what you Want feels โ€“ moving into the sensations in your body.

    And we did it in a free-flowing, stream-of-consciousness way that youโ€™ve coined as โ€œRiffingโ€ (Thank you for that new term!)

    Now โ€“ I want you to slow it down.

    Take each Want to a feeling of Having that Want. Start going into your body and feeling the sensations there โ€“ tension, tightness, lightness, warmth, blank, cold โ€“ follow it around your body however you notice it and feel it. NOW โ€“ stop after each GOOD, PLEASUREABLE sensation and go DEEPER.

    It could look like this:

    โ€œIโ€™m afraid I wonโ€™t know what to do with a good man if he shows up. โ€ (Problem)


    โ€œI WANT a good manโ€ (Flip)


    โ€œI feel scared that I want a man, I love feeling scared, feeling scared feels exciting, my body is so terrific for having all these feelings and wanting all these things, wow, wanting a man feels like too much to ask, is it too much to ask? Who says? I donโ€™t know โ€“ so itโ€™s fine, Iโ€™m fine, I want, and itโ€™s okay, and wanting a man feels sexyโ€ฆโ€ (Accepting and Loving your feelings, wants, problems no matter what โ€“ the RIFF)


    โ€œHaving a man feels shaky in my shoulders, I feel all open and warm in my vagina, I feel my jaw clamp upโ€ฆโ€ (Sensations)


    Start with ONE feeling or sensation thatโ€™s in your writing โ€“ like โ€œHaving a man feelsโ€ฆ.โ€

    Then go with it into your bodyโ€ฆโ€Having a man feelsโ€ฆ shaky in my shoulders. My left shoulder feels tense now, that tension feels prickly, the prickly feels cold, prickly and cold makes my heart feel sad. Sadness feels like a lump in my heart. The lump feels metallic. Metallic feels cold, I LOVE my cold, metallic heart, it feels all shiny and special and glowingโ€ฆ.and my glowing metallic heart is now melting, and now it feels all goldenโ€ฆ..โ€ (Deeper Sensations)

    Okay โ€“ notice how that went โ€“ youโ€™re going to run through sensations that feel icky, and that trigger sad and icky feelings. When that happens, just love and accept them, like I did above, just like youโ€™ve been doing, and picture them as beautiful, and describe them truthfully and also lovingly. Take your time with EACH one. Stay with it as long as it feels good, and then stop at the good place. If it turns icky at the last second, flip it around again, love it, and then stop.

    Thatโ€™s plenty for one session.

    Try doing it as things come up during the day. Break anything that bothers you down, just the way we have, step-by-step โ€“ write if you want, and letโ€™s see how quickly we can go through these steps โ€“ so that you can handle ANYTHING โ€“ at a party, on a date, sitting at home, by going into your feelings, facing the fear and discomfort, and going through to the other, much happier and better-feeling, side.

    This is a variation on my โ€œBody Dialoguesโ€ โ€“ (the only place you can get them is in my Heart Connection Toolkit โ€“ the โ€œToolkitโ€ is all about lifting your spirits and helping you talk to yourself in some new ways)

    Letโ€™s keep going with this, let me know how it works for you.

    Love, Rori

  110.  #110Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 7:14 pm


    It’s a miracle he didn’t change his number.

  111.  #111Jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    @ Daria – yeah, I knew that, not in the program I’d gotten. Which is the heart connection toolkit. Thanks and how do you want me to talk to you?

    LG- not debating, asking. I don’t debate anymore.
    It didn’t lead to my feeling good. I am a selective shifter and reader now.

    And it feels really good to give up tryint o “make” friends and just let this be a place to listen, learn and let myself express. Much better. Thanks….

  112.  #112Siena on October 21, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    Brenda, love, stop! Go right now and do something that feels good! Do the “imagination tool” on my blog, go for a late night walk and look at the stars… Anything!

    You doing something for yourself that feels good will stop the sadness and flip it for you.

    Even if you don’t believe me, please do it anyway. Just cause I said so!!

    I love you – you are loved!

  113.  #113Jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    Tinque – this is stuff about animals, their spirts and animal heaven. I’m curious how K can comfort you in a way that….well in what way? For me, I had comfort but I still needed to feel what I felt and some of this info really helped. I’m not forcing it on you – but it was a huge blessing from caring loving people for me. So I was wondering how another person can help – by taking the pain away? by being your witness? If you feel like answering, that would be a good knowing about feelings in regards to a good man to have.



  114.  #114Dorothea on October 21, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    Dorothea seconds Siena’s motion

  115.  #115Jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    LG – I asked Daria because Rori said to, not pressuring you to explain things to me. And I’ve bought the program – even written excerpts from the booklet. That felt bad, like a scolding school marm disarming attack. And, my original question was for Pisces….remember? So who knows if that person has a program. It’s good to reiterate things – especially the basics here.

    And I do NOT have negative voices….I have some negative beliefs. So, when I ask, I ask from my experience, point of view. It feels better when people genuinely care about – if not me – then about Rori’s work to just repeat the basics.


  116.  #116Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    Jaqueline: I feel open reading your response to me. I feel excited about possibilities.

  117.  #117Siena on October 21, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    Knock- yes, it’s at http://www.capturinghappiness.com…the most recent post.

  118.  #118Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    Jaqueline: I apologize for saying the part about reading the book. After I wrote it I realized that it had a shaming tone to it.

    I’m also noticing the same shaming tone in you saying I should share the basic with someone.

    As I already said, if someone asked with a genuine curiousity and I had the information and the time, I would be happy to share.

    But I don’t want to be pressured that I HAVE to or that it’s the right thing to do. I don’t want to be shamed either.

  119.  #119Daria on October 21, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    Jaqueline – it will be difficult for you without Rori’s book.

    That really has all the basics.

    without the book everything will be confusing…

  120.  #120Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    @Brenda @knocksoftly

    The beautiful thing about you two ladies is that you are doing the important things: you are going on with your life, “riding your horse”, doing what you should do next. When all is said and done those actions will be, I think, what will bring your happiness.

    So, does it matter whether you call the guy every night if the outcome with him is the same? If you still at the same time are doing “what you have to do” for yourself maybe eventually you will “get bored” with him…I think Rori said that in what has become my favorite post. I’m going to go look for it.

    All the best, but sometimes I think all guys are jerks and I know it’s not fair to think that way…and I don’t want to…I know it’s just for the moment….


  121.  #121Siena on October 21, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    {blush} thanks knock ๐Ÿ˜€

  122.  #122Daria on October 21, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    Heart Connection Toolkit definitely does NOT have the basic concepts

    it’s a Toolkit that adds and expound on the basics

    it’s kind of like trying to make clothes from scratch, but all what you have is a book on embroidering

  123.  #123Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    I don’t feel comfortable imposing should’s on myself. I should do this, I should do that.

    I do the best I can to help out here and I feel happy about that. I don’t want to shame myself into thinking I should DO something more. That’s feels crappy and just flat out untrue.

    When I first came here, I scoured the website. Read all the posts. Not all of the comments, but all of the articles. There is sooooo much information here.

    There are also plenty of other sirens who can answer questions. I feel trusting that the info is all here. I don’t want to put pressure on myself to change the world through my external actions.

  124.  #124Daria on October 21, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    I would like to be talked to without assumptions and judgements, with respect… and with authentic feeling messages and don’t wants

  125.  #125Daria on October 21, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    I feel super angry blah

    I feel mistrustful and angry

    i DO NOT want to feel this way

  126.  #126Jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    Thank you, LG – I was asking Daria, you aren’t pressured in any way. I asked Daria because Rori’s referred me to Daria here for riffing.

    I think Piscies had a genuine curiousity, and I don’t have the answer(s). I have a genuine curiousity too but that doesn’t seem to be believable to you. And that’s feels okay to me.

    I appreciate what Daria wrote, thanks! Daria- and I’d read that before – I read all the old writings in the self esteem and feminity.

    And I notice I feel defensive explaining. And judged like I’m not really curious, etc. And no one really has this info as well as I can tell – sounds like a conversation that was started and kind of dropped off, but has become a practice that has various applications and methods. Which I will try someday soon.

    So I’m stopping this now.



  127.  #127Senior Lady Vibe on October 21, 2010 at 8:04 pm

    @Brenda @knocksoftly

    It’s this:

    “…Itโ€™s not about โ€œover.โ€ Itโ€™s not about โ€œforgetting.โ€ Itโ€™s not about โ€œLetting Goโ€ so you โ€œdonโ€™tโ€ have a mental, physical or emotional experience around him when he isnโ€™t actually there. Itโ€™s about just getting so passionate about yourself and what you love in life that you become bored by him…”

    โ€œDonโ€™t Let Go, Donโ€™t Resolve, Forget Closure and Stay On Your Horseโ€



  128.  #128Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 8:04 pm


    ” It feels better when people genuinely care about โ€“ if not me โ€“ then about Roriโ€™s work to just repeat the basics.”

    this is totally a judgement or assumption masked in feeling statement. You are making the assumption that if someone genuinely cared about Rori’s work, they would repeat the basics and that’s just not true.

    Is it possible that someone cares so much about the work that they don’t even feel qualified to answer?

    Is it possible that someone genuinely cares about the work but for whatever reason just can’t answer at that time.

    You are making the assumption that
    caring about Rori’s work = sharing the basics

    That may be true for you but please don’t assume it’s true for everyone

  129.  #129Jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    Siena – great blog – the link didn’t work for me? but I looked it up. Did you used to do glasswork and blog as well??

    That’s my format, too! Did you know it? How many did you try? I went through probably 7 of them….anyway, I liked it bunches and love the alphabet soup and the focus on happiness.

    I get to interview Dr. Paul on his new woman’s happiness website this week. I am enamoured of his ideas – he’s the creator of the KWLM test we were doing here awhile back.

    It’s a lot of work for me, but fun!

    What do you think?

    To Success! and Advocating Happiness!!!

    G’nite everyone,


  130.  #130Siena on October 21, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    Hi Jacqueline, no I just have this one blog. I’ll check out yours and the Dr Paul interview!

    I took this format, and adjusted it to how I like it, so I didn’t go thru the headache of changing my mind a lot (as ive been known to do!)

    So glad you liked it!!

  131.  #131Jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    @Daria – I’ve always felt you were part of the creation of riffing. You know I am getting the book for myself and my friend for Christmas – best I can do. But if riffing’s not in there, I don’t see the connection. I don’t know how to turn a question into an “honest” feeling statement.

    I would feel good if riffing used as a tool were demonstrated and explained here – not just how to do it but what the desired results would be?

    (And I get the results are to find your feelings in your body and love them no matter if they’re negative or postive from what you said.)

    I don’t want people picking me apart semantically.

    I feel good I understand more about riffing and hope to try it sometimes.

    Pisces – I hope you’re still around, I think we’ve gotten close.

    Goodnite again,

  132.  #132Jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 8:18 pm

    Siena – do you have your blog listed in the website space on the comment bars that you fill in in pink above the comment? If so I should be able to click on your name and it will take me to your blog. Supposed to work like that, I’m happy to have found your blog tonite and hope you can link to it from your name!


  133.  #133Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    Hi Jaqueline: I know you were asking Daria but I still wanted to communicate why I don’t feel comfortable answering your questions which is because I don’t want to debate or feel the need to prove Rori’s general teachings.

    You said you are giving up debating here. I feel open to answering your questions if I’m feeling safe in the future.

    I feel certain Pisces question was sincere. That was never an issue for me.

    I feel happy that Daria answered. I feel hopeful that Pisces got the information she was wanting.

  134.  #134Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    Jaqueline: When I read statements like this I feel sooo confused.

    “I would feel good if riffing used as a tool were demonstrated and explained here โ€“ not just how to do it but what the desired results would be?”

    because for me, that’s what this blog is all about.

    It’s like standing on the beach and saying “I wish there was just a grain of sand here”

    I feel so confused!

  135.  #135Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 8:29 pm

    NS: I would happily share Mr. Biceps with you. Yum! He was not only built, but super connected and easy to talk to. I wish I could airmail him over to you. I feel so happy to see yummy men out there. Helps me to not get attached because I know if things don’t work out with one, there are many others to choose from.

    I’m really monogomous by nature but there is a part of me that would love to have a new man every week (Venus in Gemini Nikita ๐Ÿ™‚ )

  136.  #136Turtle Girl on October 21, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    Thank you for your words. I know you are right. He got nasty and attacked more than one occasion when he thought I was out with another man. He left ugly phones messages-very jealous. His ex wife cheated on him and he has “issues” He think because I would not “be his girlfriend” and “commit” that I am a cheater.
    That it is a deal breaker. He said he does not understand why I need a “promise of marraige” in order to commit. He said he doesnt get my dating stance.

    SLV- I basically gave him the no girlfriend speech. That until a guy want to step up and claim for for his forever (either a live in or a ring) then I am still dating. I agreed to be sexually exclusive with him.
    He said that it would no be honest. He said that as long as I am dating other even if I am not having sex then it would be impossible for us to get to know one another and really get close.He basically tried to bully me like Pepe said-blackmail me into just dating him only.

    I told him I am not 25 anymore. I am in my fifties and that I wanted my happy ever after with the right man for me and the best way to do that is to date several at the same time and see which one matches. I said some would drop off as time goes on and the one that was meant for me would stick around, etc etc. It is almost impossible to date like this and not have the other men know what you are doing. They call you have plans, and after five months they know it ain’t plans with your girlfriend. It’s a date. They ask. They want to know if you are seeing other men. I am not going to lie about it. I follow the RR scripts, I say the right thing and still this happens.

    It is frustrating because even my firneds think I am wrong in this way of dating. It’s like 1950 they say.
    I should be his girlfriend they say. Why do I want to date like this they say? They agree with the men!!!

    It is maddening. It is hard to stick to you guns. CD man also said as long as I would not be loyal and date only him that he could never even begin to work toward marraige with me. Well wow. Not willing to compete? Not willing to step up? Feel insecure in your being the better man. And he is an Aries. Apparently not one with any balls.

    Sorry this is so long. I am just very upset tonite, sad, confused and lonely.

    I have met over 300 guys by being on dating sites and putting up Craig List ads. And I am willing to meet lots of men over coffee for an hour or so. Many never get a second date even if they call. This guy I liked a lot. I mean c’mon 5 months is afair amount of time and now this. Fuch! And the other guy in my cd rotation I am going on four or five months too and he got really jealous as well. Made an ugly comment on my FB page which I had to take down.

    So I have no trouble meeting them, dating them, etc. Then they want to keep me and go ballistic when I say no, I don’t want to be a girlfriend.

    ARe there any men here who can weigh in on this?
    I mean if a guy really wants to keep you doesn’t he ask you to marry him? I mean people do get married all the time. Or doesn’t he say he wants you forever and then makes a plan to get a house or something? Where are all the real men? Where the frick are they?

  137.  #137janjune on October 21, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    just skimming back through the blog a bit–

    why on earth are goddesses trying to tell other goddesses how to express themselves????

    why can’t people just express their feelings here like we used to— just pretty much however it came out, just get it the hell out so it can heal!!

    for crying out loud!


    but never mind.
    pleeeze don’t anyone actually think i want you to try to answer that question… ๐Ÿ™‚

    jus say’n… wtf ??????? (scratches head ๐Ÿ™‚ )

  138.  #138Daria on October 21, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    Jaqueline – i feel unsafe speaking to you here

    i feel frequently attacked and feel angry from so many interactions that i mostly feel defensive

    it’s not about semantics to me, its about how it feels

    thus the words are actually very important, or not important at all, depending on how it feels


    i feel mistrustful of your intentions in saying “i don’t know how to turn a question into an “honest” feeling statemnet” – i feel unheard, i feel attacked about the quotations on honest, i feel as if its’ being made out that I am somehow implying something is not honest or… i dono.. it just feels BAD


    [deleted judgement about the intention of your words here]

    reallly i feel mistrustful and unsafe


    but maybe this info will help others:

    A question in feeling format would look like this:

    I feel curious to know XYZ

    it would feel great to hear about…


    the purpose of Riffing is to transform emotions, from a feel bad place and to reach a feel good place


    it is also to grow in our ability to be aware of our thoughts, identify emotions, heal, love ourselves, and heal our emotional processing body/mind


  139.  #139Daria on October 21, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    janjune – its beacuse some people weren’t expressing feelings but rather a lot of judgement and it started feeling really unsafe and Rori stepped in to say that we are to NOT use judgement and use feeling messages

    a purpose of this blog from the beginning was to help us tweak our words into Feeling Message expressions and so that has been the case from the very beginning

    i feel judged and defensive and misunderstood

    i feel unsafe



  140.  #140Daria on October 21, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    Turtle Girl – apparentlly you (like me) were still attracted to men who were not good for u

    like men who can turn on you (me) after I liked them and dated them for awhile

    I don’t want to marry a man that would turn on me – I don’t want that for another siren either

    it’s not really about this guy

    it’s that we’re still attracted to these (toxic) men

    letting them go and saying NO will help our subconscious no longer get attracted to them in the first place

    then we will be attracted to better men, until we just get attracted to a really good one

  141.  #141Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    I feel grateful that Rori requested that we practice communicating in a certain way. Thank you Rori.

  142.  #142janjune on October 21, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    anyway i got back on here to say how well this is all working, with the online dating and incorporating all the goddesses’ advice!!
    along with leaning back backbackbackback waaayback!! ๐Ÿ™‚
    oh yeh!

    OMG! they love it!! not all of them, the ones who don’t truly do drop out, they just quietly drop off into cyber oblivion then there are those (fewer) step-up guys!!

    so much fun talking to the step up guys!! i love it. they love it. even if they’re not keepers, and you know they know you know they know you’re not keepers for one another, it’s just such a big fresh breath of beautifully sweet fragrant air to talk to a step up guy who loves it, knows how to do it, wants to do it and just simply takes the lead..

    i’m so loving it
    and so loving not dealing with the girly guys.’

    OMG! what a relief!!

    i think i will put that in my profile next time… something about all this, maybe weed them out further, or have the masculine guys really go ahead and jump in there, cause there’s one, who i’m just barely in contact with—like through flirts and his profil, which i looked at AFTER he flirted, BEFORE I flirted back, says he wants a woman who he can do things for. oooh he’s a cutie too, but well, if he doesn’t step up, someone else will.

    i feel sure of it!

  143.  #143Daria on October 21, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    I don’t know that I was part of the creation of riffing.

    ~~ well the truth is i feel mistrustful and afraid of having that label turn on me with negative undertones ~~

    I don’t think I came up with that term, but I was around when Rori first wrote the articles and we started practicing that power self esteem stuff that somone called riffing.

  144.  #144Rori Raye on October 21, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    Hi, all – I didn’t want to post this generally – but wanted you to know in case you weren’t on the local list: I’ll be taping my newest program, โ€œScripts for Loveโ€ in Los Angeles on November 6th and 7th at the Sheraton Gateway Hotel. If you’re a regular poster here, and you’re in Los Angeles and would like to come..please let my assistant know quickly (Melanie@CoachRori.com), and she’ll email you a form that has to be filled out and faxed to my team right away… (it’s free…). There are only 50 seats, and I think they’re already filled – but I’ll squeeze you in if you want…Love, Rori

  145.  #145Jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 8:55 pm

    Riffing is a place, a tone a way to be
    something doesn’t feel good to me

    I stand on a beach and it’s made of glass
    feeling like someone’s gonna kick my a**.

    Don’t know why and don’t really care
    but it don’t seem fair.

    I can’t be the way they want me to be
    so I’m feeling sad just being me.

    My body’s loose my stomach’s tight
    seems like someone’s spoilin for a fight tonite

    I own my life I own my car
    never pretended I own this bar

    Breathin deep felt so good
    even if I’m misunderstood.

    Life’s about as good as it gets
    and there aint no sense in me throwin fits

    Gonna stay awhile and see
    if this can be good for me

    Women Women all around
    with me feel like a clown

    Gonna learn all that I can
    about what it takes not to speak like a man.

    Grinning now cuz that’s absurd
    and maybe I do want to be heard.

    Lovin the way I’m gonna be
    when I can really just be free.

    Came here to forget
    but it aint over yet

    Gonna stick around to see
    If this can be good for me.

  146.  #146Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 8:56 pm

    I feel so much gratitude and appreciation for Rori for creating this space for us. So much gratitude I feel almost overwhelmed with emotion.

    I feel so thankful for all that she is teaching and sharing.

    And I feel so thankful for all the sirens who are here participating. And for the most part even in the ones that I feel triggered by, I feel a sense of effort and growth.

    I feel accepting that none of us are doing everything perfectly. I feel trusting that perfection isn’t necessary. I just feel gratitude for the efforts and presence and space here. And especially for the guidelines Rori posted because it gives us a framework for work with.

    I feel gratitude for all I am learning.

    I feel determined to not be swayed by little judgements and assumptions that come wafting by. I’m staying on my horse. Not gonna let doubters pull me off. Just gonna cruise on by and wave.

  147.  #147Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    Does anyone remember where Rori posted that request that we get back in to feeling messages?

  148.  #148janjune on October 21, 2010 at 9:01 pm

    oh and the other thing i wanted to share, which i haven’t heard anyone mention for ever on here, but i’ve been MIA, so maybe someone has actually talked about it,
    is dropping the energy into the pelvic

    mine dropped again today when i was practicing leaning back while i did a few lunch dishes…
    it was awesome!
    (it happened to me once before but only stayed there about an hour or so and then i’ve never had it drop again since then until today)

    i was thinking about the step up guy i have plans with on sunday, i think he is actually someone who will go through with having a real date, and i was just thinking about the ebook and level two listening and him and leaning back and being his pearl and all of a sudden it just dropped and it stayed there this time. it’s still there!

    it’s awesome beyond awesomeness!

    i feel so pulled in, like all of my energy is concentrated in ME, not on me, in me… not some of it going out here and there trying to make sure if everybody is okay, or if i’m doing something wrong or if everybody is happy or any thing like that, it just feels floaty and free, pulled in and then when i think about being in the presence of this man who is so very good at the dance i want to dance, (who is not a keeper, im pretty sure, but is a step up man), then my energy concentrates heavily in the pelvis region and feels very comfortable staying there.
    It feels very very good, but not like turned on, just I don’t know i can’t describe it
    i know… i need to have it where the energy stays there without me thinking about a man, but this feels like a great start.


  149.  #149Lizzie on October 21, 2010 at 9:01 pm

    Compassionate communication is all about keeping safe and accountable for what we feel and open the dialogue. Statements that create conflict can be seen as:”blaming/accusation/you” . Compassionate communications are designed to enter a dialogue that is open, supports the relationship and engenders trust. It is incredibly difficult to do and requires a great deal of practice. To see it and experience it in action to reduce conflict, is like watching magic. The dialogue often has a number of statements and questions as the compassionate communicator works to diffuse the situation.

    If I may, I shall dissect a few statements here – I just took them out of a post and please this is not a reflection on any one person – if anyone recognizes themselves, please hold space, this is a learning sequence:

    “I feel hesitant to answer your questions about riffing or other topics.”
    This one begins well – I feel hesitant…. then switches to a different space that will generate a defensive position of the other person in the conversation….”your questions about riffing”

    So if we want it to be a compassionate communication, we need to shift back to the “I” – how about something like this:

    “I feel hesitant to answer the questions as I would like to more fully understand what is being asked of me”

    “I feel scared I am being baited into a debate”

    Starts off very well…”I feel scared…”; as a listener, I would want to move forward and be helpful … then it switches to a mode that would result in a highly defensive response…”I am being baited….”

    Lets move it to a compassionate mode:

    “I feel scared, in this conversation, I am not sure I have been clear in expressing my ideas and I would prefer not to feel so vulnerable”
    The communicator keeps ownership of the experience that allows the other party to engage, stay neutral and build trust.

    here is another one…

    ” I feel a little resentful because I get the sense you havenโ€™t..”
    this one will place the other person in a tight corner that supports a high conflict result.

    So, lets see what happens in a hypothetical conversation using the two modes just to have an idea of how it can escalate and an alternate that will support the relationship.

    Mode #1:
    person 1: “I feel hesitant to answer your questions about riffing or other topics”
    Person 2: “well, why, what is the problem with my question? And what kind of problem do you have with other topics – who said anything about other topics…”

    Mode 2:
    Person 1: “I feel hesitant to answer the questions as I would like to more fully understand what is being asked of me”
    Person 2: Oh! well let me try a different approach…I am struggling to understand what riffing is and how it actually helps the “riffer” feel differently at the end of a rif. I am not sure how feeling shift?”

    Scenario 2:
    person 1: “I feel scared I am being baited into a debate”
    person 2: “why on earth do you feel scared? of a debate…oh give me a break…what could I possibly do that would hurt you? And why would you think this is a debate? All I want to know is what riffing is…oh for crying-out-loud…”

    The compassionate mode:
    person 1: “I feel scared, in this conversation, I am not sure I have been clear in expressing my ideas and I would prefer not to feel so vulnerable”

    person 2: “oh, you are feeling scared and vulnerable? Are you feeling under attack?

    Person 1: Not really attacked, it is just that I feel best in an open communication, and a little more gentle, not quite so intense. I am at my best when I feel safe.”

    Person 2: “thanks I would really like this to be a safe conversation as well. I am wondering if you could help me a bit with this – I know I sometimes come on too strong. And it is really hard for me to recognize when I am that way. Can we have a signal of some sort that will tell me that I need to soften my approach?”

    It really takes a lot of practice to do this. I hope this illustration of the differences is helpful to those of us who practice. I have been working on this for years!

  150.  #150Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 9:02 pm

    Siena, Dorothea, Knocksoftly, SLV, Jacqueline, and everyone else, I appreciate your support and care. I felt embarrassed posting that stuff about texting Ryan and almost didn’t. I appreciate your acceptance and softness even tho I made a mistake.

    SLV, I have tried for over a year to get bored with him and get wrapped up in my own life. So far it hasn’t happened. I just feel like I’m missing a part of my heart. ***Sigh***

  151.  #151janjune on October 21, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    oh and the other thing before i go to bed…

    i can see where i could fall for a man like… before Rori…

    but being on the blog, learning what’s in the ebook and rori’s emails, i see that i was falling for men because i liked PARTS of them. I like many things about this man, but also know that (NOW!!!), that we would not be a good match long term.
    but it is fun to practice…

    thank you goddess rori ๐Ÿ™‚

  152.  #152Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    I feel jazzed when people give me feedback on semantics and my communications.

    I feel super inspired by one of the Four Agreements, “be impeccible with your words”.

    For me, the language we use is a huge indicators of our level of awareness and consciousness.

    If I say “why would you do that? That is so wrong?” it reveals to me that I am making judgements of what is right or wrong which goes completely against my spiritual beliefs.

    I find that by micro-analyzing my words I can uncover a lot of beliefs that are out of alignment with my true spirtual nature.

    I find that being impeccible with my word can open up realms of understanding.

    I’m not saying that I always am impeccible. Oh no, not at all. But I am learning and getting better and better every day.

  153.  #153Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 9:12 pm


    RE: #153 – Heeyyyy! I love your poem! You made it so cute! Just let the love flow, baby!

  154.  #154Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    I think one thing that got me missing Ryan extra much is that the man on the swing in the picture at the top of this thread LOOKS like Ryan! He often wore a denim shirt with his jeans, and it was my favorite outfit on him. My dreams were blown to hell and I can’t accept that.

  155.  #155Daria on October 21, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    Brenda – lol your voice feels so different on this thread, then the thread i wanted to bash your brains

    but i want to say

    ok you texted Ryan, so what!

    i don’t look at it as a step back, but rather testing the waters to see how it felt… it had been 18 days, which was a long time for you, and …

    now you’re back on your horse

    it’s ok

    i went back to guywhohadababy tons of times just to check what it felt like

    its the noticing of the feelings and stuff , and the So What! not putting myself down over it that makes it easier…

    in a way a step like that is part of the process, it helps reinforce the feelings and get clear on what stuff feels like

  156.  #156Lizzie on October 21, 2010 at 9:16 pm

    LG – beautiful!

    good night everyone!

  157.  #157Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    Brenda: I feel sad hearing you say you made a mistake. What if there are no mistakes?

    I do feel sad seeing you sort of beg him for attention. Not because it’s a mistake but because I believe you deserve so much more. And also it triggers sadness in me for doing that with men. I know I still do it one some level.

  158.  #158Lizzie on October 21, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    Interesting thoughts Daria – I am still visiting the idea of sending that note I posted last night to Married guy. It is true, it was my awareness in the shift in feelings. Thank you.

  159.  #159Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 9:21 pm


    I really appreciate your efforts at communication. Your feeling messages are beautiful and peaceful! You keep outdoing yourself! Thanks for being such an excellent role model to us all of femininity, grace, kindness, and caring!

  160.  #160Daria on October 21, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    Lizzie – if it were me, i would wait for his contact and then share my feelings ( no note )

    him: (short version) hi would you like to spend some time with me?

    me: ohhh.. i feel good that you want to spend time with me… and i feel really uncomfortable to say this and a little sad… i don’t really want to see you anymore at this time… i’ve felt really good with you and learned so much and i feel happy for the time we spent, but I don’t really feel as connected as before and don’t really want to continue seeing each other…

    him: OH nooo i will divorce my wife now and pursue you for real, making you feel guilty and putting you face to face with your fear of commitment and intimacy ~~ lol jk that was my addition

  161.  #161janjune on October 21, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    i’m going to bed!!

    HAPPY riffing goddesses!

    My riff:
    i feel happy
    i feel excited
    i feel confident about life being good
    i feel lik all wounds can heal
    i feel love for rori
    and the goddesses
    i love siren island
    i love step up men
    i want a date to take me out for filet mignon
    with a glass of cabernet,
    and a baked potato,
    with bleu cheese dressing on my romaine salad
    and a piece of cheescake with strawberries on it
    with a warm brandy by a fireplace
    with a gorgeous (on the inside) step up man who loves being a man.
    i want to run one mile tomorrow
    i want to have my hair cut again by the guy who knew what to do with it
    i love girly men but don’t want to date them
    i feel cleansed
    i feel thankful
    i feel hopeful, not hopeful
    i feel hope for the future
    i feel everything will be alright

    i really mean it this time;)

  162.  #162Daria on October 21, 2010 at 9:24 pm

    Brenda – you DO deserve so much better than that.

    I wonder if your new attacks on me are your way of flexing your power muscles?

    it seems you have really grown in the past 18 days, you sound a lot stronger

  163.  #163Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 9:26 pm


    RE: #165 – I got tears in my eyes when you said, “I feel sad hearing you say you made a mistake. What if there are no mistakes?”

    Earlier tonight I called a local friend about missing Ryan and overfunctioning. She started to virtually yell at me, “When are you going to learn?? What is it going to take??”

    I said, “This feels bad. I’m sorry, I can’t handle harshness right now. I’m feeling really fragile. I love you, but I need to hang up.”

    She said, “You’re just running from the truth!”

    I lovingly hung up to protect my heart. She means well.

    Anyway, to hear your words in the face of that feels very soothing and gentle. It really means a lot to me. I feel so embarrassed.

  164.  #164Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 9:30 pm


    RE: #170 – LOLOLOL! I don’t know. I feel stronger in some senses, and weaker in some senses. I think that was a compliment, and I thank you! That was big of you, considering everything we’ve discussed! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Tonight I am just fragile. I just feel like I need to surround myself with warmth and softness. I feel scared to even jobhunt now, because what if they garnish my wages? I can’t live on less than what I have. I feel scared about my future. I feel like I’m falling apart. I feel embarrassed to share that because I don’t feel strong at all tonight.

    But I’ll take you on, G! ๐Ÿ˜†

  165.  #165Daria on October 21, 2010 at 9:30 pm

    Brenda – seriously, its ok, brush it off, it means nothing…

    so you took a dip off the bridge in the pits… at least you didn’t stay there!

    i hope you noticed if you felt good or icky in that interaction (outside of the relief of giving in to anxiety) – that’s what helps the subconscious learn the difference between what behaviors feel good and which dont

    and now youre back on the bridge… oops fell in the pit, but back on the bridge,

    brush the water off your shoulder!

  166.  #166Daria on October 21, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    Brenda – i lost my temper on the other thread, so sorry about that, don’t want to bring you down since you haven’t seen it yet probably

    going out on impromptu CD with italian guy

  167.  #167Daria on October 21, 2010 at 9:35 pm


    just thinking… on the other thread i thought “i never want to talk to brenda again”

    but on this thread, i feel all close and loving towards her


    maybe im toxically addicted to Brenda! (well to what gets triggered in me in reaction to this)

    DUH!! trigger im falling into a toxic pattern of rage and love,

    and trying to change how im treated instead of

    the simple

    ohhh it feels so awful to be talked about this way

    i dont want to hear this

    (stop reading)

    hmmm wow!

    i do this with certain men too (duh!!) thats what its all about

    practice practice

  168.  #168Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 9:36 pm

    Oh, Daria,

    Another thing…I think I lost a local friend thru using feeling messages. In the past I didn’t confront her. Some issues really grew and left me feeling mistrustful. Finally I confronted her several times in the past couple of weeks.

    She was not used to that at all, having no exposure to all this we are learning here. Now I think she ended the friendship. I feel sad that her love was so conditional.

    Any thoughts on how to deal with stuff like that? I mean, the difference was the old issues from a year or two surfaced. She couldn’t handle hearing stuff from the past. Yet I was sick of sweeping it under the rug. I dunno. It feels bad. I guess I just let it go.

  169.  #169Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 9:40 pm


    Thanks for the encouragement and kindness! I consider this blog a sisterhood, and…all siblings fight now and then.

    I don’t necessarily see it as a toxic relationship. I just feel good that we are each resilient enuff to process the triggers and come back loving. No one’s perfect. I take the meat and leave the bones. Crunch!

  170.  #170Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 9:42 pm


    Maybe we could keep one thread running for building each other up and lovin on each other and a parallel thread for fighting like Tasmanian de villes! LOL! Just kiddin!

    The Dork

  171.  #171Jeannette on October 21, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    Girls, my man makes me laugh….alot…but when I’m disappointed by him….when he doesn’t want to help me because of his lack of esteem, such as when I asked him to help carve the turkey and he wouldn’t for fear he wouldn’t do it right…..I stopped laughing…when he wouldn’t talk with my kids…I stopped laughing…..it might sound cold of me….but I guess I need to learn more about why I am turned off by someone who is that insecure…does it reflect my insecurities….or is it more? I don’t like feeling this way….I know my kids would like to know who he is….but why should I have to point that out…am I a bad person for feeling this way or what?

  172.  #172Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    Lizzie: thank you for #157.

    It was very helpful and I feel excited to continue to refine my skillz.

  173.  #173Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    I also feel overwhelmed. I’ve done so much practicing and studying and I still have so much to learn.

    That train of thought feels icky.

    I’d much rather acknowledge that life is a process and I’ll never know it all. I will always be learning and growing. That feels better.

  174.  #174Jeannette on October 21, 2010 at 9:49 pm

    Girls, I feel vulnerable here. But I have been doing some emotional eating since I have been dealing with this issue. BLAHHH!!!

  175.  #175Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 9:50 pm


    There is nothing wrong or unusual how you feel when he doesn’t step up or acts out of insecurity. Just keep speaking your feelings to him from deep inside.

  176.  #176Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    Brenda: I kinda like that idea. One thread for our shadow sides. And people who don’t like it don’t have to particpate.


  177.  #177Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 9:51 pm


    Why do you feel vulnerable?

  178.  #178Brenda on October 21, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    I want to go to Rori’s class SOOO bad! God, I pray that you will manifest a way for me to be there!

    Good night, Sirens!

  179.  #179Jeannette on October 21, 2010 at 10:00 pm

    I just feel like I am not in control of my emotions. My ex husband was shy and I would tell him that he doesn’t talk enough to others and he would take offense. So, I am not telling my current guy. He told me a lot of women have told him he is too shy and doesn’t talk enough. Shy men have difficulty with it, it makes them defensive and I guess less secure about them. SO I keep my mouth shut and now I’m eating too much. I’m trying to figure all this out. I didn’t like my ex for being this way,…now I’m involved with yet another man who is like this. He’s very sweet but sometimes I think these men use it as a crutch to not be more responsible for themselves and their actions. I don’t know if I’m making any sense here. I shouldn’t it allow me to overeat….now I’m the one not being responsible for my actions.

  180.  #180Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 10:00 pm

    Wow Lizzie! I’m rereading your post on CC again. It’s super awesome! Next level for sure.

    (haha! That’s a classic example of northern cali slang talk. I’m laughing at myself right now.)

  181.  #181Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 10:06 pm

    God, I pray that you will manifest a way for Brenda to be there too! Not cuz I think she nneds to be there but just because she really really wants it.

  182.  #182Jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 10:12 pm

    LG – I was writing this and thought that if I were going to say/write it I should have courage and just ask you – so here it is:

    Anyway, LG has suddenly and strongly taken issue with me – when before she was always friendly and telling me about her band, etc. Feels weird. I wish there was more explanation from everyone involved on how the tools are supposed to produce which result. Even Rori doesn’t explain much. You may hear frustration, but you don’t hear accusation. I think everyone assumes I’m playing dumb – when I really do not get it.
    I’m very tired of people thinking in 3 months I’ve mastered Rori’s programs and am now being condescending towards them. It’s a form of social cutting that is….blah blah.

    That may not be in feeling messages, but it definitely describes how I feel. Frustrated as H*LL!!!

    and for what? WHY is a better question?

    I was told once that if I didn’t get with the program I’d be run off – I thought it was a joke. If it’s true, someone just tell me now.

    Oh, and yeah, my blood pressure’s up and I can feel my heart pounding….but somehow that is a good thing?

  183.  #183Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 10:17 pm

    Jeanette: it sounds to me like you are making judgements about the men for being shy.

    I know I always feel bad when I’m making judgements about people and not accepting them for who they are. It’s like my nv’s are turning outward and judging others and basically saying they aren’t good enough as they are.

    Judging never feels good. Well, it can feel good in the sense that it brings relief sometimes. When when our nv’s are judging others, there attention is diverted from us for a minute which feels good.

    But ultimately it feels bad.

    This guy is a quiet kinda guy. It’s probably never going to change. Maybe it will if he decides on his own he wants to change. But never from you requesting that he does.

    Maybe you don’t want a quiet guy. Maybe this guy helped you to get clear on that. You have every right to want to be with someone outgoing.

    But you don’t really have the right to change him. It just never works out. I know you know that. ๐Ÿ™‚

    anyway, I hope that helps. I’ve been waning to converse with you for a while but it just never happened.

    Also, I hope your okay with me using boy voice here. I just really wanted to share and feeling a little overwhelmed with formulate feeling messages right now. I really hope I communicated in a way that keeps the communication open between us. ๐Ÿ™‚

  184.  #184Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    Jaqueline: I hear you. You feel weird and confused cuz we used to be buddies and now it feels different. I understand that feels weird and not good. And I feel sad about that. I don’t want you to feel bad.

    I’m noticing that I have been feeling hesitant and resistant to interacting with you.

    I feel uncomfortable with some of your questions and attitude about things here.

    You’re not wrong for doing what you’re doing. But the effect is has is thatt I feel standoffish and resistant towards you some of the times.

    I do see and appreciate a lot about you too. And I would much rather get along with you.

    I would like for us to both feel good.

  185.  #185jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 10:49 pm

    That’s good, LG – really if you’d feel better not interacting I am good with that to. It just felt like you were initiating interacting with me and not in a soft, gentle way and I don’t know why. We’ve never debated or had any words about anything. I feel you differently too – you’re a lot more sad, for example. So maybe that has nothing to do with me.

    I want to be here, and I want to selectively shift what I pick up and what I read. I don’t want anyone interacting with me that feels badly about me. I am making small changes in how I talk to people all the time – in my life. I am letting Rori challenge and change my thinking and to me, that’s good enough.

    You hear that I want explanations of the reasoning behind the tools and I hear that I’m really not going to get them. I’m accepting of that.

    I do feel good but somehow when I come here I end up walking away not feeling good. It’s weird to me, as in I can’t quite put my finger on it.

    But I find growth too, so that’s good. I feel better when I don’t write so much, but it’s so not in my nature not to join in.

    But I want to do whatever it takes to not give up on learning and to feel good being here – so I’ll be selectively shifting and if you don’t see my name…lurking!!

    Grins and thanks for answering,


  186.  #186Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 10:50 pm

    Lizzie? Wanna hear something funny?

    I wrote that post about how I like getting feedback on my communication before I saw that post where you actually did give me feedback. Then I saw the feedback and my first reaction was “geez! Why’s she gotta single me out? At least I’m trying!!!”.

    Then I remembered that I had just written about how much I like feedback and I just had to laugh at the timing of it all.

  187.  #187Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 10:56 pm

    Jaqueline: it’s not that I don’t want to interact with you or that you’ve been directly unkind to me. It’s just that I feel really bad reading some of your generalized comments about the blog.

    I want to let all of that go. We’ve all said (for lack of a better word) sh*t before. No big deal. I can let it go and move on.

    I am here because I want to grow. I like that we have that in common.

    All is well. It’s all good.

  188.  #188Jeannette on October 21, 2010 at 10:57 pm

    Laughing Goddess…thanks for sharing. i probably do better with outgoing men, although, I am drawn to shy men often…I think they’re deep and just plain sweet…I will think on these things you’ve mentioned. I don’t like being a judgmental person but I know I am at times…Well I know others in my life want me to be more secure also. I don’t have a lot of money and he doesn’t really have any to speak of. That might be bothering me more then anything. Anyway, I need to get some rest….thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  189.  #189Sweetpea on October 21, 2010 at 10:59 pm

    I think my boyfriend is in jail. ๐Ÿ™

  190.  #190Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 11:14 pm

    Jeanette: well if it’s more about the financial security…

    I totally understand your concerns and wanting to be safe. I have some similar concerns about my guy. It’s a little different. He’s kinda young (33) and hasn’t really found his calling. And that’s scares me a bit.

    But I’m trying to focus on my truth which is…my relationship to money, abundance, prosperity really has nothing to do with him but is more about my trust of god or spirit.

    I feel a little unsure of exactly how to say this…

    Money is just a symbol of energy. And that energy is awesome and powerful and abundant. And I see money as being like air. I don’t try to work work work to get the air I need to breathe. I just breathe in and the air is there. I don’t worry if the air will be there tomorrow. I just wake up and start breathing.

    For me, it’s a big step to trust that god will provide ne with the energy that is represented by the symbol money just as he/she provides me with air.

    It’s just conditioning that makes us think we have to worry and hoard our money. Gosh, thank god we haven’t been conditioned to do that with air!

  191.  #191Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 11:15 pm

    I like exploring this topic cuz as I said it comes up for me too.

  192.  #192Nikita on October 21, 2010 at 11:20 pm


    In fifth grade I was in love with Calley, who was the by far prettiest girl in the school. Sadly, she didn’t return my affection, so I had to be content with adoring her from afar. Eventually I moved away and lost touch. Since then I’ve wondered if she suffered the fate that befalls too many gorgeous women: relying so entirely on her looks to make her way in the world that she never developed many skills. But recently I tracked Calley down via Google and discovered that she had beaten the curse: She has carved out a career as an activist bringing first-rate education to poor children. My question to you is this, Gemini: Are there any qualities you regarded as assets earlier in your life but that eventually turned into liabilities? Any strengths that became weaknesses? And what are you doing to adjust? It’s a good time to address these themes.

    How are you going to change what needs to be changed and accept what needs to be accepted? To get some support from me, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

    Lewis Thomas was a physician who wrote elegantly about biology in books like The Lives of a Cell. I want to bring your attention to his meditation on warts. “Nothing in the body has so much the look of toughness and permanence as a wart,” he wrote. And yet “they can be made to go away by something that can only be called thinking … Warts can be ordered off the skin by hypnotic suggestion.” Thomas regarded this phenomenon as “absolutely astonishing, more of a surprise than cloning or recombinant DNA.”

    Using your mind power, go ahead and shrink, dissolve, or banish a wart or wart-like vexation.
    The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

  193.  #193Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    KS: in what way are you difficult?

  194.  #194Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 11:25 pm

    Ha ha Nikita! I’m actually pretty gorgeous but didn’t realize until recently so luckily I didn’t befall that fate.

    I just bought dude’s book the other day. Love it!

  195.  #195Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 11:27 pm

    Assets turned into liabilities???? Hmmm, I wonder

    I’m sure there are.


  196.  #196Nikita on October 21, 2010 at 11:27 pm


    At this phase of my life, I’m not canvassing door-to-door asking people to donate money to save old growth forests. I’m not a member of groups fighting for an end to the war in Afghanistan or agitating in behalf of animal rights. My struggle for social and environmental justice is waged primarily through the power of my writing. I subscribe to the attitude of author Ingrid Bengis, who said, “Words are a form of action, capable of influencing change.” In the coming weeks, I suggest you increase your awareness of how you could transform your world with the power of your language. Is it possible to increase your clout through the way you communicate?

    Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your unfolding destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

    At New York’s Museum of Modern Art, I brought my face to within a few inches of Vincent van Gogh’s painting The Starry Night. It looked delicious. I wanted to kiss it. I wanted to eat it. Its stars were throbbing and voluptuous. The night sky shimmered with spiral currents. In the foreground, the cypress tree flared like a shadowy flame.

    I could also see that the artist had been less than thorough in applying his paint. Especially on the edges, but also in the middle of the painting, slivers of untouched canvas showed through. Fierce, innocent, nourishing, reckless, unfinished, this priceless work drank my attention for a long time, constantly refreshing my eyes with its ceaseless movement.

    Can you be at peace with the fact that your masterpiece may always be unfinished?
    The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

  197.  #197Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 11:29 pm

    Nikita: if my Venus is in Gemini does that mean I have sl*t tendencies?

  198.  #198Nikita on October 21, 2010 at 11:30 pm


    I got caught in moderation,


    At this phase of my life, I’m not canvassing door-to-door asking people to donate money to save old growth forests. I’m not a member of groups fighting for an end to the war in Afghanistan or agitating in behalf of animal rights. My struggle for social and environmental justice is waged primarily through the power of my writing. I subscribe to the attitude of author Ingrid Bengis, who said, “Words are a form of action, capable of influencing change.” In the coming weeks, I suggest you increase your awareness of how you could transform your world with the power of your language. Is it possible to increase your clout through the way you communicate?
    At New York’s Museum of Modern Art, I brought my face to within a few inches of Vincent van Gogh’s painting The Starry Night. It looked delicious. I wanted to kiss it. I wanted to eat it. Its stars were throbbing and voluptuous. The night sky shimmered with spiral currents. In the foreground, the cypress tree flared like a shadowy flame.

    I could also see that the artist had been less than thorough in applying his paint. Especially on the edges, but also in the middle of the painting, slivers of untouched canvas showed through. Fierce, innocent, nourishing, reckless, unfinished, this priceless work drank my attention for a long time, constantly refreshing my eyes with its ceaseless movement.

    Can you be at peace with the fact that your masterpiece may always be unfinished?

  199.  #199Nikita on October 21, 2010 at 11:31 pm


    I give up…..I have been doubly moderated ๐Ÿ™

  200.  #200Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 11:32 pm

    Sweetpea: what? What’s going on?

  201.  #201Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 11:33 pm

    Geez. Must have been pretty dirty.

  202.  #202jacqueline on October 21, 2010 at 11:33 pm

    @ Sweetpea! OMGosh…I’m shutting down computer but wanted to say hey – and that must feel awful? Let us know and hope you are able to find something out soon???


  203.  #203Nikita on October 21, 2010 at 11:33 pm


    I doubt it but we all define sl$t differently…my old flame had v in gem and I believe he was monogamous but he loved communication….he loved ideas and he loved talking to me for hours…..and he could listen….and laugh….yawn….I need sleep.

  204.  #204Nikita on October 21, 2010 at 11:34 pm

    No! It was the Virgo horoscope for KS!!!!! ๐Ÿ™

  205.  #205Laughing Goddess on October 21, 2010 at 11:44 pm

    Nikita: that doesn’t sound like me at all!

    ๐Ÿ™‚ good night

  206.  #206Sweetpea on October 21, 2010 at 11:50 pm

    Sorry. Was feeling mischievous there.

    This really hit home with me:
    “I know I always feel bad when Iโ€™m making judgments about people and not accepting them for who they are. Itโ€™s like my nvโ€™s are turning outward and judging others and basically saying they arenโ€™t good enough as they are.” And…is partially the reason I posted, “I think my boyfriend is in jail.” The “boyfriend” part was my mischievous side. Just plain evil…muahahaha!

    I’ve always thought I was one of the least judgmental people on the planet, but then I was faced head-on with pretty much all of my “judgment” wrapped up in one sexy, tidy package. Namely, a hunky tree trimmer (you think the biceps are good, you should see the back & abs…yum!), who did 4 years in prison, doesn’t currently have a driver’s license, and actually might be in jail tonight. And I was so hesitant to give him a chance. (Those are pretty much the only “oh hell no”s I have about guys I date. Completely closed off, close-minded, judgmental NOs. Oh yeah…& he was a member of a biker club. So, imagine my surprise when the lovely goddess Brenda gently told me, “If I were you I’d go by my feelings. You seem limited by judgments,” and I realized, “omg! I AM judging him.” I’m not giving myself the chance to learn what I have to learn because I am so far in my head & JUDGING this guy.” (Thanks Brenda!)

    So I’ve gone out with him, I love the way I feel around him, I love the way he treats me, I laugh & smile around him constantly, and I feel sooo confused. But I really don’t care, because he’s just too much fun! I’m still having a hard time staying out of my head, but am I ever enjoying myself.

    He had court today though in small town, the cops are bored, judgmentalville, USA and there is a possibility he’s in jail. And I find myself thinking, “wow! Did you ever think you’d be saying to yourself, ‘I wonder if my guy is in jail.’?”

    It feels weird, foreign, alien. Freaky.

    So…working past my pre-conceived notions seems to be the order of the day. Thanks for sharing your wisdom on judging.

  207.  #207Nikita on October 21, 2010 at 11:51 pm

    Yeah, men supposedly project their Venus and women embody it so I can understand it not sounding like you.
    I feel bummed about being stuck in moderation…..not quite myself…… Nite

  208.  #208Sweetpea on October 22, 2010 at 12:18 am

    Thanks LG & Jacqueline. This feels freakishly weird to me, to be even wondering about. Not that I’m a “li’l goody two shoes” but I’ve purposely avoided guys who have a history with the law since I was young and a friend pointed out to me my tendency to date bad boys & thus take on the care-taker role. My tendency has been to date more the criminal mastermind who may break the law (don’t we all in one way or another – I’m a speeder) but doesn’t get caught.

    So I guess I just don’t know what to do with myself in this case. My brain keeps telling me, “you shoulda never given him the time of day,” but my feelings say, “hang in there. Enjoy the ride.” Ugh! Grr!

    Anyway…so I’m finding I’m having to fight the urge to just settle in with this guy, because he is stepping up BIG TIME and not worry about CDing. But I’ve been here before recently & it was yucky. So I went out and met a guy I’d been chatting with from a dating site awhile back. Attractive, sweet guy. I knew I could make plans cuz tree trimmer guy didn’t have me sewn up tonight. So I go meet this attractive, tall, sweet man and he starts telling me how sick he is, and depressed and borderline suicidal & he’s considering giving up on on-line dating, thinks he’ll be alone the rest of his life, doesn’t know what love is or if he’s even capable of it & I’m just thinking, “Wow. I really don’t know what to think about this or how to handle it.” So I just stayed open and listened and was warm and compassionate. It was easy, but my heart really goes out to this guy. I am a sucker every time for the guys who are convinced they’re destined to be alone and never know love. But…I’m so not wanting to be this guy’s savior.

    this one I have no feeling of, “you’ve got something to learn from this guy.” I know my boundaries as far as dating emotionally stable men who are capable of giving to me. My point is…how the heck am I going to CD? And how/why/what the…is my lesson here. It just seems to confirm my resistance to CD.

    I don’t know how to do this!!!!!!

  209.  #209Sweetpea on October 22, 2010 at 12:37 am

    Oh and btw, CD guy made it pretty clear he’s not that attracted & wants to just be friends. So he’s definitely off my CD list. Next!

    Subtly told me I’m too fat for him. Hmmm. Why doesn’t that hurt my feelings? He really was sweet. Actually, he told me that girls he’s met tell him he’s too fat (he’s not fat) and that he realizes he’s not what he was in his 20s, but he’s still attracted to what he was attracted to in his 20s even though he realizes it’s not realistic to expect a 20 y.o. body from women in their 30s.

    Oh! Daria – thanks for sharing what you did about riffing. You’d given me some pointers on it awhile back, but I pretty much completely misunderstood. Tonight cleared things up wonderfully. Hope you’re having fun on your date!

    Good night all!

  210.  #210Sweetpea on October 22, 2010 at 12:50 am

    Tree trimmer guy in comparison to most other guys I’ve dated feels like the Zipper (my fave ride) in comparison to the ferris wheel (la di da. Boring)! Safe, (and I do feel completely & utterly safe with him and respected) but fun as opposed to safe, but yawn! And he makes hella good tostados. Yum! And moves like a jungle cat. Possibly a caged jungle cat though. Hmmm. I’m dating a circus animal.

    Wow! Think it’s time for me to go to bed. I feel like a freak caricature of my former self.

  211.  #211Jeannette on October 22, 2010 at 2:30 am

    Laughing Goddess…Oh ye enlightened one….I really REALLY felt the spirit when I read your words. Thanks ever so much. I KNOW I’ve been conditioned to worry about money..That is ALL my family knows how to do. My sister, my mother, my aunt…..I am feeling sorry for myself. I have to go out in the early morning to work and beat the cold…up here in MI. And as I get older I really don’t want to do it. I want security. My fiance is done working, at least for the most part because of his health…Well, I wouldn’t want his health issues but I still want to stay in my warm snug bed in the mornings….at least some of the time. Oh well, I have to get to work for now….thanks for your words, I can tell you’re a very special person and thank you for sharing…..

  212.  #212Tessa123 on October 22, 2010 at 2:32 am

    If a guy is saying something you don’t like through humour, speak up and tell him you don’t like it! I believe that silence is consent and this is especially true when it comes to how we let men treat us.

  213.  #213Daria on October 22, 2010 at 2:39 am

    omg so excited ! Italian and I guy were talking about getting into modeling… he did it before and he has A LOT of contacts

    he says hes the type of person who always follows through on stuff and getting it done (something i feel weak on)

    and i started telling him about my ideas about a reality show … and he LOVED my ideas !!

    i came up with so much stuff

    its gonna be awesome

    he said its actually gonna be EASY to put it together… he knows SEveral film crews, a movie producer and lots of agents

    this is sooo exciting

    he thinks im a marketing GENIUS

    hes liek this is going to be the Best thing on TV


    this is so exciting

    i am so excited about this thank you angels i am open to this hehe

    i dont want to push it away and thats just a thought i love my protective thoughts

    and i choose to have what i want


  214.  #214Denise on October 22, 2010 at 3:44 am

    Captive: Day 6

    Still no phone calls. Except for a text.

    I couldn’t tkae it anymore. Like a few of you lately, pondering through posting, wondering, “is he dead?”

    So I initiated last night:

    She: Come out, come out wherever you are!
    He: Chicken Bok Bok

    WTF??? Chicken? That is what I had a for dinner. My man is telling me he is chicken? What does that mean???

    I’m thinking, what happened? What did he do??? What didn’t he do??? I know what he has not done, is call me. Why? Is he still doing the freaky chicken dance thinking I had a CD on Saturday night?

    She: Use your manly energy!

    I did not know what to say. I wanted to use a feeling message, and it would not come out. I turned off my phone and attempted to sleep.

    I feel confused. I feel let down. I FEEL/KNOW he is not communicating. I feel he is hiding in his man cave. I feel we bummed we do not have weekend plans.


  215.  #215Denise on October 22, 2010 at 3:59 am

    KS- glad someone is riding! Actually in the midst of my angst, last night I got asked out by a guy who is visiting my town. We emailed for a bit, as he is super young for me, but I don’t care. He seemed together, adn intelligent. Maybe this CD will be what the doctor ordered!

  216.  #216Denise on October 22, 2010 at 4:00 am

    Pretty sounds so nice and girlie!

  217.  #217Luzy on October 22, 2010 at 4:11 am

    How do some of you can CD? It is difficult enough to become interested in one man or have one man become interested in me. I use Online dating and get plenty of emails, but I am lucky if I get a date or two.

    Maybe CD is not for me.

  218.  #218Denise on October 22, 2010 at 4:14 am

    @ Seetpea- sorry about teh tree trimming biker zipper. Hope he is safe.

    @ Tinque, I feel sad listening about your pets. They have lived long and must be very well taken care of! I love my critters, and cannot imagine being without my one boy. I have not had to make that decision myself, yet. But I fear that it will come soon. My mom’s ailing and so is her doggie- he is 16 and has dementia, just like mom. Mom can’t walk, but the dog walks into walls. They both are in good spirits, like to laugh, and enjoy their food, and not in pain. So I too, hope the little one just goes in his sleep. I do not want to make that call. I may have to. I often wish we could make that call of euthanasia for our other loved ones, like my mom.

  219.  #219Denise on October 22, 2010 at 4:32 am

    Sweetpea- spelling problem- it is the keyboard, sorry! Couldn’t be me, right?

    Luzy, I often think exactly that. CD is a tool to keep you busy and out there, learning, I say go at your own pace. Otherwise, it can become a full time job juggling! I have had that at times, but that is not for me. Age may be a determining factor, too. When in my thirties it was easier. Now, 40’s so many other obligations in m y life. Do you mind if I inquire as to your age?

    I am online too. It is a numbers game, and I am picky who I write back. I do not write the majority of them as I feel there would not be enough commonality for me to even consider taking the time to get ready and leave th house to meet them! Sometimes they dwindle out. What about you?

  220.  #220Denise on October 22, 2010 at 4:39 am

    KS- I remember reading your post. Wow, you have come along way! Good for u! I am glad to hear you are accepting it, (that expression about this too shall pass, is one I know well) and making yourself pretty!

    Too funny about how I can do that! I had to sleep at my dad’s last night so I can take him to the md this morning- sort of an emergency appt. We booked late yesterday, and I wasn’t planning on staying out. I do not have a stitch of makeup or anything!!! I went out and bought a toothbrush last night so I can tolerate my own breath!!!!

  221.  #221Tessa123 on October 22, 2010 at 4:47 am

    To Hadassah: oh, you’re so young, you don’t need to be worrying about getting married. I think it is better to focus on yourself and what makes you happy and fulfilled. Sometimes i think we think “the grass is greener over there” but often it isn’t! i’m 39, have never been engaged or married and my thirties have been great years!
    Do you have hobbies you enjoy?

  222.  #222Denise on October 22, 2010 at 4:48 am

    There is nothing to fear but fear itself! It is up to you how to CD (or not), there isn’t a set way particularly that is going to fit everyones’ need, desire, and want.

    It starts at home. KS, you need some pampering now, more than ever! It’s being “all about ME”.

    Think of it this way, guys do it all the time, when they are playing the field.

    Do what feels right.

  223.  #223Brenda on October 22, 2010 at 5:00 am


    This is a message from my kittens!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  224.  #224Denise on October 22, 2010 at 5:11 am

    Great typing abilities. I need a secretary, are they ready to work?

  225.  #225Lizzie on October 22, 2010 at 6:19 am

    “come out come out where ever you are” – oh, I like that….

    mine was “Hey! are you out slaying draggons???”

    I am dumping men today – that is my mission in life today = the Scorpio has risen…..dum de dummmmm muhahahahah…..evilness prevails…! Yeah!!

  226.  #226Jori on October 22, 2010 at 6:40 am

    Wow! I just read all the posts here and…

    I feel sad for Tinque and this new season for her with her beautiful, sweet-soul pets…

    And I remember when I was a vet assistant and a woman came in with her cat making the decision she didn’t want to make and I had to assist in that and how it haunts me, even now…

    And I understand the feeling of losing these loved animals…so soft and…not toxic to us and feeling such gratitude and love…having known these little lives that just curled up for us on our laps. And it is a mixture of joy and pain.

    Dear Brenda…I understand your angst…I feel it too. And the desire to reach out to him and the feeling of relief, embarrassment, like I just crawled for a moment…but it gets better as I work with Rori’s tools.

    Thank God for Rori…I want to cry now because He has sent her to be a messenger and I’m taking my free will to heal and learn and change and FEEL…

    And I falter and I question and I decide to let go of my Mr. Toxic who is homeless and back, sort of, under my roof, and he helps me and he tells me he loves me and…I’m taking crumbs but I feel okay right now about that – while he has his new interest and he seems confused and I’m confused, but I don’t want him back.

    And he may step up to the plate, but I don’t really care anymore if he does…

    I got Toxic Man program yesterday and am devoted to 90 days of learning learning learning about myself and I understand my little girl

    who was given up by first mommy and daddy
    And I discovered that I always imagined him as being some nasty uncaring a***

    who was taken in by second mommy into toxic home

    and I was always invisible
    good good little girl, me
    I don’t know if I was trying to get love by being

    …a servant

    but just trying to survive

    and I spent my life in friendships/relationships doing doing doing
    not breathing
    sacrificing everything
    money, body, mind, emotions

    just trying to survive because
    love is being alone while I love you
    and you don’t have to love me
    but I love those words with no action

    and I feel confused by them…familiar confusion

    my head spins and if it stops I will see
    and I’m not afraid to see

    this isn’t easy…discovering me
    and looking back at years of life
    and I’m not young
    but thankful I have youthfulness

    And I hold on to the trapeze ahead of me
    with one hand on the trapeze behind me

    I feel secure
    I feel scared
    I feel safe
    I feel unstable…unsure…sometimes sultry
    Sometimes stiff…stifled…sexy…sick…

    On my way to being healthy, but the road is full of bumps and I don’t want anymore bruises

    And I want him to want me and I don’t want him
    and I want him and I want me more…

    and I want to practice my tools and ebook and siren dvd and toxic man dvds…and cd’ing…before I feel ready to let him go … because maybe, just maybe

    I can let him go feeling stronger than I do now…

    but I’m not in love anymore and I don’t know if I love him…I just want to stop bleeding and take off the bandage and see my new little scar

    and love my battle wound

    and get out of the battle because I’m walking away

    and he may follow me out of the fog

    or go that way with her

    and I care and I don’t care

    I just want to practice.

    I feel angry…I want to scream and tell him to get the h*** out and go to your new boo…can’t she help you? bum money, cigarettes, food, shelter from her

    the new one you have a sweet voice for
    and put on a nice face for

    then you come here for shelter
    and put your arms around me and I feel nothing
    and I check (because I’m weirdly obsessed to) and see online that you texted her 10 minutes earlier to say goodnight

    And I’m gonna get my groove on
    And make eye contact with others because I want to be seen…not invisible…and it works

    When I feel ok to do it…
    when I’m not feeling to tired, or too icky or something.

    But when I shine…I shine…but I can’t always shine

    because, after all, I have other stuff on my mind besides you…like aging mother, low income, my future, I want more than one pair of pants to wear and I feel blah wearing them day in and day out

    but I can still shine in them

    because nobody else knows.

    and I have two daughters to care for and we have so many other issues besides you, Mr. Toxic.

    And, i don’t want to be co-toxic…so I want to practice being un-co-toxic…not because I want you or am feeling you…

    because I’m simply not ready to let go…not yet. But I don’t seek you out
    You seek me out

    Well, I’m seeking me out, too…thank you very much…and you are becoming more and more peripheral

  227.  #227Rachel on October 22, 2010 at 6:46 am


    Hugs!! We’ve all done this reaching out thing … and like Daria said, it’s a way to see how it feels. And it feels horrible! So it just reminds you how much more powerful and healthy it feels to lean back even though you’re missing him. At least you are in control and not having to “hear” the coldness and distance in what he says or doesn’t say.

    It took me almost a year before I got it through my head that I was NEVER going to hear what I wanted to hear unless HE initiated it. And even if he did squeak out a few kind words in response to my not-so-subtle pleading, they didn’t feel good anyway.

    So… be kind to yourself today. You found out the answer to your question … let your yucky feelings last night give you courage today. You don’t deserve to feel that way.

    I do understand the grieving and longing. I keep myself busy, but the pain has never completely gone away. I shed a few tears even this morning reading your text convo because it felt so familiar.

    I hope you have a beautiful day. I hope I have one too!

  228.  #228Rose on October 22, 2010 at 7:00 am

    Big Hugs Tinque…I feel sad and sorry about your kitty…

  229.  #229Rose on October 22, 2010 at 7:02 am

    Just a little good morning ladies..Knocksoftly, it felt good reading you felt like making yourself pretty! yay I see it as steps to CDing yourself!

    What happened to Renee? I’m wondering how she is doing…

    My new supplements seem to be kicking in, because normally I am reaching the time where I start feeling like a basket case…
    Oh evening primrose I love you…<3 hahaaa

  230.  #230tinque on October 22, 2010 at 7:10 am

    Thank you Denise…

  231.  #231tinque on October 22, 2010 at 7:13 am

    Thank you Jori and Rose…

  232.  #232Lizzie on October 22, 2010 at 7:13 am

    Oh I did it… I just dumped 2 men – what a relief….

    I dumped married guy – wrote him a really nice note – it is a modification of what I posted the other night on the other thread. If anyone wants to see it, I will copy it into here.

    I dumped the teacher – wrote him a really nice note

    I decided not to dump family guy, am going to just stick him on the back of my horse – he is too green and might come back in a year

    I have a date with a Frenchman on Sunday… who knows

  233.  #233Honey on October 22, 2010 at 8:08 am

    Lizzie –

    I’m glad you dumped Married Guy and also glad you sent him a nice note. It’s always good to treat others with respect.

    I hate dumping guys. They guys I go out with are always good, sincere guys. But there is only so much time. By the end of this week I will have had 5 dates with 4 different guys. That’s too much and it’s becoming a job. I hid my profile on Match and eHarmony to slow things down. I’m going to have to cut someone loose if they don’t weed themselves out. Not really feeling chemistry with the guy I’m going out with tonight. It is our 3rd date. If he kisses me and I’m not feeling it, I’m cutting him loose. I’m sensual and have to have that chemistry.

    What do you say when you cut a guy loose?

  234.  #234Honey on October 22, 2010 at 8:13 am

    Lizzie –

    What’s the deal with Family Guy? People post all over the place, so I’m out of the loop. He seems like a good guy.

  235.  #235Tessa123 on October 22, 2010 at 8:28 am

    hi Rori, one question: how long does it take a man to know that you are the one for him that he wants to spend his life with you?

  236.  #236Denise on October 22, 2010 at 8:29 am

    Lizzie- Ride, Lizzie, Ride!

    Good for you! When I read your initial story about Married Guy, I was wondering how you would respond to the posts. I am glad to hear yoru news as I think it is a step towards Mr. Right.

    I like the comment on slaying the dragons.

    Why do they go in the man cave? I know he is missing me. I give him the gift.

  237.  #237Denise on October 22, 2010 at 8:32 am

    Honey, seems you are taking control, that’s great.

    I’m with you, if on date 3 you are not feeling it; do what you feel.

    Cutting loose? Sometimes it is not what you say as to what you do. Nothing works.

    I’m smiling about writing that. : D

    Obviously if they deserve respect, it is given.

  238.  #238Lizzie on October 22, 2010 at 8:34 am

    Honey – I had a note from him about 10 days ago suggesting a date, I responded and haven’t heard from him since. I think he is just too busy. I will continue to see him if he comes around because my intuition tells me he is a good guy and a keeper. Every once in a while, I check to see if his profile is active – it hasn’t been since July. In one of his notes he sent to me, he indicated he hasn’t even been working out! Even if he is seeing other women, I don’t feel “at risk” of loosing him entirely. Odd as that may sound. Who knows….maybe I have a tiny bit invested in an outcome, but am continuing to keep that at bay. I have continued to date. Nada chemistry with any guy yet. Funny thing about “the vibe” – I picked up the vibe with Family guy outside of the resto when we met the first time! 18 months ago I met a guy to play golf – I picked up the vibe 100 yards away! I pay attention to it. I am looking for that zap. It really is telling.

  239.  #239Turtle Girl on October 22, 2010 at 8:51 am


    In your post about being turned off with insecure men. I get the feeling when I am turned off by insecure men it means that somehow along the way I have grown out of that skin. In your example-as far as talking etc to your kids. I dated a man who just stood there when my daughter and her boyfriend walked up. I was chating with her a bit. I had to pull him into the convo, and they had all met before! He just stood there.
    I could tell she felt awkward. I felt like “shit dude, can’t you step up, offer your hand, say helloo nice to see you again sweetie” or something of that nature.

    Argghhhhhh trigger trigger trigger I hate insecure little boy men. So that means I am growing. I am not so insecure like I used to be. I know what social graces are and how to friggin act……..xxoo and so do you! that is why this guy bothers you so! It ain’t right honey, somethin jus ain’t right!

  240.  #240Turtle Girl on October 22, 2010 at 9:04 am


    As far as quiet guys. I can remember once I dated a guy who never said anything. I mean it was bad. Just sat there like a bump on a log. Shy was an understatement. So I asked God to send me a man that talked more——–lol—–weeeeelllllllll be really careful what you ask for cause I got one and it was horrible. He NEVER shut up. Ran his mouth 24/7 and I Wanted to just slap him and say “Shut the f up for five mintues can you pleeezzee! You make me sooo tired. Listening to your drivel makes me exhausted!” And it did. Then it got funny. I stopped to think about how ironic life really is sometimes. Wow…..I don’t mind quieter men so much now……lol ha ha xxoo

  241.  #241Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 9:06 am

    Nikita, you silly goose, I was kidding. That sounds exactly like me. What’s going on? Why don’t you feel like yourself? Feeling better today?

    Tinque and Denise: ooooo, the passing of our wonderful furry friends. For me, it’s such a bittersweet experiences. There can be such a sweetness in death…witnessing a creature let go of it’s earthly body and step fully into a divine space. Yet bitter for, well obvious reasons. Wishing you the best in navigating through it.

    Daria: can’t wait to see the show! So cool!

    Brenda: kitten typing felt warm and fuzzy to read. I think you’ve found your asst. editors for your new home business.

    Sweetpea: ha ha, you trickster! I completely missed the “boyfriend” thing. Not funny! I’m telling Rori! Now behave yourself!!!

    Jeanette: thank you for the kind words. We are all channeling spirit in one way or another. I know you will return the favor for me sometime…and just when I need it.

    Lizzie: Kali-ma energy today? Sometimes it’s just the right medicine eh?

  242.  #242Honey on October 22, 2010 at 9:06 am

    Lizzie –

    Do you feel like the chemistry can develop? I’m trying to be open to it developing. I still miss Hunky Man cause we had this amazing chemistry…unfortunately I slept with him too soon. I can’t do that without getting emotionally invested, then I get all crazy.

    Just talked to another guy on Match…he wants to call me again. But I just want to find a guy that I feel really EXCITED about. I don’t want “nice” or “pleasant”…I want “earth-shaking” and “mind-blowing”. And I want it NOW. CDing is so freakin’ much work! Gripe, gripe, gripe…

  243.  #243Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 9:09 am

    TG: haha! Reminds me of the story about the three bears…and this one is just right….

  244.  #244Honey on October 22, 2010 at 9:11 am


    But remember, Goldie Locks had to sleep in a lot of beds first to find the one that was just right! jk

  245.  #245Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 9:12 am

    I rearranged the furniture in my goddess temple last night. I sat around feeling “lazy” and hungry, and after I made some healthy goddess food for myself, I suddenly was inspired to move the furniture around – something I had been meaning to do for weeks now. My apt looks like it’s out of a magazine now.

    Still more to do! Deep bathroom cleaning, vacuuming the whole house, and I want to buy new goddess bedding!

    LI is going to hang up all my beeeautiful artwork too. This feels GOOD.

  246.  #246Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 9:14 am

    Honey: I hear you that cd-ing can be exhausting. It can seriously be like a part-time job. Too bad we don’t get paid for it. Well, I guess we do in a sense.

    Something about attraction…not sure if it applies in your situation. If we are in the pattern of being attracted to the “wrong” men, sometimes it’s good for us to go out with guys we aren’t attracted to. Once we’re around them for a bit and experience being treated well, our attractions change.

    Like I said, I don’t know if that applies to you. Are your attractions usually spot on? Or do you tend to be attracted to guys who end up not being good for you?

  247.  #247Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 9:14 am

    Honey: ha ha! This is true!

  248.  #248Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 9:15 am

    Goldilocks is a metaphor for CD-ing!

  249.  #249Turtle Girl on October 22, 2010 at 9:16 am

    Yeah I do know what ya mean. Just right is what we are ALL looking for-just right for us! xxoo

    To this day that man still talks up a storm. I am still friends with him for years, but I can ony handle him in small doses. He talks and talks and talks about—–well—NOTHING! Just babbles on and on and on….I am amazed at where the energy comes from to do it. He is a sweet man, but wow……If I lived with him I would have to get out the knifes and stab him in his sleep……..lol….xxoo

  250.  #250Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 9:17 am

    Dorothea: sweet! I figured you must have been doing that since we didn’t hear from you again last night. ๐Ÿ™‚

  251.  #251Honey on October 22, 2010 at 9:19 am

    Good question. I’ve been attracted to good guys and not so good guys. I like guys with charisma. I have a lot of charisma, I think. I expect a lot…brains, education, charisma, money, fun, artsy, good conversation, family oriented. Not so picky about looks or ethnicity.

    I’m trying to be open and try different things. But I need to slow things down a bit. I have spent more time CDing this week than on my paying job…and I don’t feel like getting fired at the moment.

  252.  #252Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 9:19 am

    I feel mighty powerful strong for moving my sofa and shelves and heavy table all by myself:D And gently enough to not disturb the neighbors. I am a minnie mouse closet superhero

  253.  #253Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 9:19 am

    TG: ya, I would too! All that talking drives me nuts!!!!!

    I mean, I love to talk but….there gotta be some quiet space too.

    I feel tensed up just thinking about guys I know like that. Eeks!

  254.  #254Honey on October 22, 2010 at 9:21 am

    LG –

    I hope Goldilocks is not a metaphor…remember, after sleeping in the bed that felt right, she ended up running for her life in the end!

  255.  #255Honey on October 22, 2010 at 9:22 am

    TG –

    You make me laugh! Buy some ear plugs then just smile and nod. He will never know the difference!

  256.  #256Turtle Girl on October 22, 2010 at 9:24 am


    Yeah big time. I was reading an article somewhere -maybe inner bonding-I don’t remember but it was about talking all the time as a form of control. And this this has control issues like wow. Of course we women know that all our explaining to men all the time is a form of control. I still have trouble with that one. I think-but if only you would listen and let me explain then you would get it! Not. He just tunes out…….oye. Just noticing my little faulty faulties this a.m….lookie this here TG you suck and need to change this and that lil thing don’t you? Hmmmmmm…….la la la la la

  257.  #257Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 9:25 am

    Honey: slowing down and focusing in work sounds a lot like leaning back and high degree of difficulty. Just the right weather conditions for producing a yummy, charismatic man. Yum!

  258.  #258Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 9:25 am

    KS: how’s the day going so far?

  259.  #259Honey on October 22, 2010 at 9:28 am

    LG –

    What do you mean? I’m not following what you’re saying?

  260.  #260Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 9:28 am

    TG: don’t listen to them! You are wonderful just the way you are right now. And the little things you do that aren’t serving you anymore, they’ll just melt away easily and effortlessly!

  261.  #261Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 9:29 am

    Honey: I’m saying maybe slowing down with CD-ing will have the effect of giving you that leaning back vibe…which is a good thing!

  262.  #262Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 9:31 am

    Honey: I forgot that part of the story!!! What happens? She runs for her life? Eeks!

  263.  #263Honey on October 22, 2010 at 9:34 am

    LG –

    If I lean back any more, I’ll fall out of my chair! Just juggling too many guys! I just have to hide my profile until I sort through these guys, and that takes time.

  264.  #264Lizzie on October 22, 2010 at 9:40 am

    I am goldilocks with red hair – god I love sleeping around….in my next life I am going to be a sl*t

    chemistry – don’t think it can be invented. Either the vibe is there to begin with or nothing will turn into chemistry. LG has a great idea there – date lots of guys. I like that because it has built my confidence in this area. I can absolutely recognize the vibe – I know it is absolutely possible and it feels so wonderful that leaning back and enjoying the date is natural – I don’t have to think about or become aware of what I am doing, how am I relating, what are the feelings in my body etc. etc. So, no vibe, no date.

  265.  #265Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 9:41 am

    Ladies: I have a question. Does anyone have any idea why I would be spotting? I’ve been pretty much spotting all month. Just a little dark blood here and there when I pee. I keep thinking it will pass but it’s actually getting heavier.

    Please tho’, no worst case scenarios. I don’t feel equipped to hear that right now. I’m in quite good health. No pain…just this extra blood.

    Any ideas or suggestions? I’m really into natural health type things. Thank you!

  266.  #266Honey on October 22, 2010 at 9:49 am

    LG –

    How old are you?

  267.  #267Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 9:50 am

    did u take a preggo test? r u on bc?

  268.  #268Debbie on October 22, 2010 at 9:51 am

    I feel so good when I am with a man who can make me laugh.

  269.  #269Lizzie on October 22, 2010 at 9:52 am

    LG – can’t help, I don’t have that body part any more – I am so thankful. But I had that freqently when I was on the pill for years and years. It was nothing. If you are doing your annual check-the-bits and squeeze the ovaries thing – there may be nothing to be alarmed with. If you have not done your annual – my suggestion is to trot yourself off to get the bits checked. If you are my age – 50+ you just might be beginning “the change” – welcome to hot-flash-no-bed-is-big-enough-for-me new life. It is enriching.

  270.  #270Honey on October 22, 2010 at 9:54 am

    Lizzie –

    I’m kinda liking Dancing Guy and I didn’t really feel much chemistry at first. But he’s sweet and he’s fun cuz he loves music and dance. I’m giving the chemistry a chance to grow.

    The guy I met yesterday…can’t tell yet…it was a quick coffee date. might be potential there.

    The first second I met Hunky Man, he said, “Wow. The chemistry is amazing!” And it was! I want to feel that again. BUT, chemistry can sometimes be deceptive.

  271.  #271Rori Raye on October 22, 2010 at 9:56 am

    Hi, Tessa – it usually happens quickly for him – that’s why you don’t want to become exclusive with a man and cut down your options while he “makes up his mind.” Love, Rori

  272.  #272Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 9:57 am

    Honey: 38

    Dorothea: oh lordy!!! Not on bc. Haven’t taken a test.

    Lizzie: I’m really hoping it just nothing. I would like it to stop though. It kinda inconvenient and disconcerting.

  273.  #273Sweetpea on October 22, 2010 at 9:57 am

    LG – lol! Sometimes it’s so hard for me to behave. The mishievousness takes over and I. Just. Can’t. Control myself. I really am feeling weird about this though. It feels strange not to hear from him and I feel sad. And…I’m worried about me and just trying to sit here with these feelings and accept them.

    Tinque – sorry to hear about your pets. I remember my first little pup I fell completely in love with and only had for 2 months before parvo got her. It was such a hard time. Not long after my mom passed & I was convinced that my loving her so much had cursed her to death. Wow! This is bringing up a lot of feelings. I still have her dog tag that I ordered for her & got the week after she passed away. I finally convinced myself that giving my love to a dog was not a curse to the. & got the cutest little Rottweiler pup. She was my pride & joy. She lived a wonderful 10 years with me and I had to put her down last year. I can’t imagine having so many of my loves passing in such short period of time. My heart goes out to you! (((Hugs))) I wish for you comfort and no more difficult decision making at this time.

  274.  #274Honey on October 22, 2010 at 9:57 am

    LG –

    Are you the age where you are in perimenopause? If so, it could be caused by hormone fluctuation. Or, if you are sexually active, by irritation from thinning of the uterus. Any chance you are PG?

  275.  #275Honey on October 22, 2010 at 10:00 am

    LG –

    Could be peri-menopause. Might warrant a call to the OB/GYN.

  276.  #276tinque on October 22, 2010 at 10:02 am

    Thank you Sweetpea –

    I so appreciate all the hugs and love from everyone.

  277.  #277Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 10:02 am

    This happened a few years ago and a naturopath told me I was low on Vitamin K. He said Vitamin K has to do with blood clotting.

    So I followed his rec and drank a big glass of cabbage juice, which is supposedly really high in K. After that one glass the spotting stopped immediately.

    So, this time. I don’t have a juicer available so I bought some K pills but they’re not really helping. Maybe I should just figure out a way to juice some cabbage. Surely someone I know has a juicer….or I could buy one.

  278.  #278Honey on October 22, 2010 at 10:03 am

    Do guys mean it when they say you’re beautiful? Or is this just a line guys use?

  279.  #279Honey on October 22, 2010 at 10:06 am

    LG –

    It could have a different cause this time. Better safe than sorry.

  280.  #280Senior Lady Vibe on October 22, 2010 at 10:07 am

    @143 Turtle Girl

    I appreciated very much your post. It was not too long, never too long. I soaked up every word. I likewise, wrote out a long reply and I have lost it…I knew I should have typed it offline; I often do.

    I will talk later after I catch up on posts. Maybe better I not bother you with questions; the Universe is wise…

    I did write that perhaps a short vacation could be a restorative for you. I admire your spirit. I’ll write next post offline until I post.


  281.  #281Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 10:07 am

    take a preggo test. they’re at the dollar tree for 1 buck. spotting is otherwise normal. not usually an indication of a major health problem. You could also have some residual “spotting” from a menstruation that didn’t move as much as it should have. Drinking crap tons of water or any diuretic (which potassium is) will help with this, though the best thing to do in my opinion is do vigorous exercise like running or jumping jacks to shake that stuff out, haha.

  282.  #282Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 10:11 am

    Honey: thanks for your input!

    I’m really not ready for peri-m. I’m 38 and don’t have kids. I always envisioned myself having them in my early 40’s. My mom was still ovulating at 53, so I’ve also thought I have a while. I really hope I do.

    Could be some kind of hormonal imbalance. I haven’t been taking care of myself as much as I normally do.

    Could be from irritation of the uterus. I have been having a good amount of sex.

    Could be prego. I’m not on BC. I’m pretty aware of my cycle and when I am ovulating. And If I did get pregnant right now, it would okay. Not ideal. But…I’m open to it.

    Thanks so much everyone. I’ve been kinda blocking this out, thinking it will pass. But now I’m feeling like I need to give it some attention.

  283.  #283Lizzie on October 22, 2010 at 10:12 am

    Honey – NO! if a man says any of these things, it is a HUGE deal for them:

    – you are beautiful
    – you are smart
    – you are wonderful
    – you are sexy
    – I love your style

    to them, it is a FACT. The next thing is, you must look them straight in the eye and just say: wow – thank you.

    It is really really important not to discount what they said. It is seen as an insult to them if you discount. A man taught me this YEARS ago.

  284.  #284tinque on October 22, 2010 at 10:14 am

    Okay this is a new one on me. I’m being hit on on FB by someone I don’t know, in French no less which I do speak, but who is not a FB friend.
    How is this possible?

  285.  #285Honey on October 22, 2010 at 10:15 am

    LG –

    Peri-meno can start as young as age 35…but even if you are, you could still be pregnant. If you are having sex with no BC, then I would think pregnancy is a strong possibility!

  286.  #286tinque on October 22, 2010 at 10:15 am

    Laughing Goddess – You ought to have yourself checked out. Probably nothing but better to know.

  287.  #287Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 10:18 am

    Dorothea: okay, I’m going to try all that! The blood is kinda dark. I was reading online and it said that dark blood usually is menses that for whatever reason doesn’t completely leave the canal. I could definitely drink more water.

    I’m feeling better bouncing ideas of y’all. I’m going to try some of these easy fixes and if that doesn’t help, I’ll look in to more serious things. Thank you all so much!

    I want my lady parts to be happy and healthy!

  288.  #288Honey on October 22, 2010 at 10:19 am

    Lizzie –

    I do say thank you. I used to discount compliments in high school until a friend called me on it.

    My coffee date kept complimenting me, then he said “I’m sorry I keep complimenting you.” I just smiled and said, “That’s OK, I forgive you even though NO woman EVER wants to be told how beautiful she is.”

    I’m sometimes self-conscious because I need to lose about 10 or 15 pounds, but I still feel sexy. Hell, I AM sexy. At 48 I’m sexier than I’ve ever been.

    The older I get, the sexier I am! Say it again…Oh yeah!

  289.  #289Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 10:20 am

    Wow LG, 38? I thought you were about 28 or so. You feel so youthful to me…I feel like you could be my twin sister sometimes. Does this mean I’M actually old at heart? Or that you’re young at heart? hehe

  290.  #290Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 10:21 am

    I’m off for a bit. Gonna take care of lady parts and other things. Good day everyone!

  291.  #291Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 10:26 am

    Dorothea: most people think I am way younger than I actually am. ๐Ÿ™‚

    you’re not old…but quite mature for your age…that’s a good thing!

    I kinda think of myself as being perpetually 28. ๐Ÿ™‚

  292.  #292Lizzie on October 22, 2010 at 10:26 am

    Honey – we are so sexy hot! I am 53 !! 2 of the guys I had the vibe with, couldn’t stop saying how awesome my little ass is! OMG I thought that to be hillarious – my bum is small and tight because I am a runner – well actually it is genetics. But the funny thing is, all my life, I have never thought I have a nice bum because it doesn’t have the hour-glass shape! I do have lovely legs though and they do end at my bum – and I do model garter belts in the lingerie fashion show I organize….

  293.  #293Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 10:27 am

    I consider myself perpetually 15

  294.  #294Denise on October 22, 2010 at 10:30 am

    Honey – guys mean it when they say it- any statement about looks, dress or smarts; then the questions pondered outloud ie.:

    *how could they be so lucky to find you?
    *what did I do to deserve you?
    *how many men will be staring at you when we walk in the room?

    They mean if they know you. When someone is new like coffee date, I would take that with a grain of salt. Online dating is all about flirting- when they give me all these compliments when they have not yet meet me, I discount it completely. I am told by these wannabe lovers U R SO Gorgeous all the time. Barf ick yuck.

    My Perfect Man tells me the sweetest compliments. “I can’t believe how beautiful you are”,
    “You look amazing”. One of my favs: “You look so young!”, yeah, it is sweet.

    He is not being sweet thus far today, he who has been bawking like a chicken.

  295.  #295Lizzie on October 22, 2010 at 10:34 am

    Denise –
    Oh dragon slayer, in the cave…there is a damsel in distress needing saving….you must come out and find her…

  296.  #296Lizzie on October 22, 2010 at 10:35 am

    yeah yeah – my family guy described himself once as the headless chicken
    I said that was a pretty ugly image and I much perferred the dragon slayer
    He is most delighted to be a dragon slayer.

  297.  #297Honey on October 22, 2010 at 10:42 am

    I have a fat bootie, and big boobs. Used to have the hourglass figure but my mid section has widened a little. Need to get back to the gym. Still kinda hourglassy though.

    I wish I could play on Siren Island all day but I need to stay off of here…I’m so far behind at my job b/c of all the dam*ed CDing!

  298.  #298Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 10:53 am

    LI told me about this conversation he had with a female friend the other day.

    They were sitting talking and this pretty young woman walked by. LI watched her walk by and his friend said, “you were just looking at her ass!”

    and LI said, “I was actually just thinking how lucky I am to have LG. She 38 and looks just as good as that young thing. She’s proven the test of time. Anyone can look good when they are young. I’m not all that impressed by that. I’m more impressed by a woman who can age beautifully like my lady.”

    it felt so good to hear him tell me that story. Awww, I feel melting remembering it.

    He’s five years younger than me and I used to feel a little insecure about that. But not anymore.

  299.  #299Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 10:55 am

    Me too! Must get some work done!!!!

    I’ll be back to play later. ๐Ÿ™‚

  300.  #300Simply Shannon on October 22, 2010 at 10:58 am

    LG, that is so weird that you are posting about spotting. I’m 37 and been having normal cycles but with some odd spotting here and there. Mine is not dark though. No BC for me and no way I’m pregnant. Unless of course it’s a virgin birth thing, without the “virgin” part. LOL! It’s time for my annual ob/gyn trip. Grumble, grumble. I never look forward to that.

    And I’m perpetually 29. I really don’t see myself as someone in my 30s, upper 30s at that. Whenever someone says “yes ma’am”, I feel surprised, like you seriously think I’m old? Even in pics sometimes I feel surprised by the wrinkles I see. They aren’t visible in my brain when I think of myself. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  301.  #301Turtle Girl on October 22, 2010 at 11:04 am

    My recent cd man who went away is ten years younger than me and they thought I was fantastic and beautiful and had it going on way more than the younger girls. AGe is a number. We can be fabbo at any age. It’s attitude baby. It’s the energy we have inside us, not our wrinkles. He still thinks I am hot. Even though he can’t handle me cd’ing cause thats a different issue. But yes, men often have way highger opinions about us than we do ourselves.

    There is a lesson in that. Your LI sounds wonderful.

  302.  #302Daria on October 22, 2010 at 11:22 am

    Jori – that’s an awesome riff.. I am so glad Toxic Men is helping you!

  303.  #303Brenda on October 22, 2010 at 11:33 am


    RE: #206 – I love, love, love that beautiful encouragement about being an unfinished masterpiece!

    Specially cuz I feel like such a piece of work these days! Thanks! I made it pretty and printed it out to hang!

  304.  #304PassionatelyPisces on October 22, 2010 at 11:36 am

    Oh my gosh! I’m SO excited to be here. I just wanted to check in–but I’ll respond later tonite. I have my three year old granddaughter for the day, so..

    Also, I’m typing on my Blackberry, which is way too tiny (and tedious!)

    This place/blog is such a blessing. The more we become our authentic selves, the more things fall into place for us. I’m really in awe of the synchronicity taking place in my life right now!

    Peace to all…

  305.  #305Brenda on October 22, 2010 at 11:38 am


    RE: #280 – I sometimes bleed heavily or on off times when I am under heavy stress. Have you been under stress? My doctor says that produces extra estrogen. Once I bled three months straight. And gynecologically, there is nothing wrong with me at all. The doc even said my reproductive system is exceptionally healthy for my age.

    Or did you get bumped or do extra heavy lifting? That could cause it too.

  306.  #306PassionatelyPisces on October 22, 2010 at 11:39 am

    Wondering why it says my second post is going to moderation….?

  307.  #307Brenda on October 22, 2010 at 11:42 am


    RE: #242 – Thank you! What sweet encouragement! Thanks everyone else, too, who was so kind about my leaning forward with Ryan last night.

    BTW, I followed up with one text for my own regaining of face: “P.S. I probably should have told you I was feeling extra fragile and sensitive. I got a call today about my student loans. They threatened to garnish my wages.”

    I felt okay about that, mainly so he would know I was not all fragile because of him (even tho I am to a large degree) but because something scary happened.

  308.  #308Hadassah on October 22, 2010 at 11:44 am

    #235-Tessa-I know I’m young, but with a toddler at home, I have no life. Really, I don’t. I wake up, go to work, come home, have mommy/daughter time, and then try to give myself some me time and then am in bed. My fam just moved here so I have a support structure for the first time since I became a mom so I am still adjusting to the fact that I can go get my hair done when I want versus squeezing it into my lunch break!

    Now I am thinking about taking classes to either work on my master’s degree or set my career on a different path, or maybe even just because if I could come up with the money. I always enjoyed school.

    I just don’t see how I can meet other men to date. I know obviously that there are men everywhere, and part of me feels like the fact that I am an only parent is an issue for a lot of men because they aren’t ready for an instant family. Which is understandable but makes me sad at the same time.

    And I’ve always been more attracted to older men (current bf is 10 years older with no kids of his own), but there are plenty of them who don’t want kids period so I feel just bummed about dating in general right now.

  309.  #309Brenda on October 22, 2010 at 11:49 am


    RE: #241 – What you wrote was so sad, yet beautifully poetic.

    I feel sad that you are allowing that man to sap your limited resources. I don’t like to see another Siren taking crumbs.

  310.  #310Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 11:51 am

    SS: my spotting has been going on for a couple of months now. When it first started it was just a little bit right at mid-cycle. I looked it up online and found out it could be ovulation spotting or implantation spotting. I had my period later at the right time, so I figured it was maybe ovulation spotting or menses that didn’t all come out. This happened at mid-cycle for a few months in a row.

    Then this month it started again but never stopped. The other months it just lasted for a day or two and this time it’s been going on for a few weeks. I should be starting my period soon…need to check the calendar.

    Just thinking outloud here.

    Weird that you have something somewhat similar happening. I wonder what’s going on?!?!?

  311.  #311Brenda on October 22, 2010 at 11:53 am


    I wonder if there are single parent support groups in your area. Or a social services organization that can offer babysitting at no charge. Or even exchanging babysitting with a friend or two, so you can have more alone time. That’s tuff.

  312.  #312Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 11:54 am

    Brenda: It could be stress, kind of a self-imposed stress from not taking care of my physical needs. Thanks for pointing that out.

    I also had this weird though that maybe it could be from the drumming. Maybe the vibration of the drum is causing some sort of physical shaking up in there. I dunno. Kind of like getting bumped like you suggested.


  313.  #313Brenda on October 22, 2010 at 11:57 am


    RE: #239 – “Great typing abilities. I need a secretary, are they ready to work?”

    Yes, the kittens are for hire! They only charge kitty food and kitty litter! They help me with my documents at the pharmaceutical company, too! I enjoy the music of the repeating keyboard buttons…it makes a nice beat as it destroys the keyboard!

    How will I ever part with my kitties? They are so naughty as they tear up my house! They are great at clearing tables…umm, as long as I don’t mind being great at picking up the floor under the tables! They knock down art work, dirty my shower floor with their damp little paddies, and get fur and dirt all over my basket of clean clothes! I’m in love!

  314.  #314Brenda on October 22, 2010 at 11:59 am


    You are a drummer? I have been stressed out lately and just had a 9 day period, whereas they are usually 7 days. Have you had cramping with it? Any pain? Can you differentiate if the blood is in your urine or in your love canal? I most often have cramping and that yucky period feeling when I get it because of stress.

  315.  #315Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    TG: About that guy and him not being open to you cd-ing…what is your ultimate outcome for a relationship right now? Are you wanting someone to propose, looking for a long-term committed lover? What’s the ultimate goal?

    Just curious ๐Ÿ™‚

  316.  #316Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    SS: I know what you mean, I don’t relate to my age at all. I envision myself as a timeless goddess. Always beautiful. Like a fine wine I get better with age. ๐Ÿ™‚

  317.  #317Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    Brenda: no cramping and definitely come from my ๐Ÿ™‚ love canal. So when your long period come from stress, you have cramping associated with it?

    I felt hopeful hearing that your doc said your parts were healthy and the bleeding wasn’t anything serious. That gives me hope.

  318.  #318Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    Just checked the calendar and I should start my real period today or tomorrow. We’ll see what happens.

    I’m realizing there’s a little part of me that would be thrilled if I was pregnant.

    It’s a little sooner than I’d like. LI and I talked about having a child in two years. But…a little part of me, teeny wild reckless not thinking ahead part of me would be thrilled if I was now.

    I feel embarrassed to admit that.

  319.  #319Brenda on October 22, 2010 at 12:29 pm


    If you are pregnant, that is nothing to be embarrassed about!

    Most of the time I have cramps, but not always. Like this past week, I just kept bleeding and bleeding after it should have stopped. It didn’t even occur to me how under stress I was until I checked in with my feelings at the deepest level. So not always cramps, just when the stress is extra extreme.

    The sooner you get a pregnancy test and/or see your ob/gyn, the sooner you will have peace of mind.

    Either way, I think it is very probable that it is nothing serious. Oh, I just thot of this…when I was going thru my worry stage about bleeding out of sync, I did some internet research. Sometimes women get fibroids in the womb or some other irregularity that is not too out of the ordinary and is harmless. One doctor recommended a D&C to me. I opted not too, choosing to leave that as a last resort.

    The worst stress of my life was in 2007, when I bled for 3 months straight. It was ME who figured out why, after it happening off and on since 1999. The doctor found no medical reason. I already suspected stress since it always coincided with times of extreme stress. I asked him if it was possible because of stress, since he wouldn’t commit to saying that was why. He said yes, it’s possible. I have no doubt in my mind that is why for me.

  320.  #320janjune on October 22, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    rori’s stuff happens so amazingly fast, it just, in the space of a mere moment in time, simply changes.

    i just had another vibe shift!! i realized i don’t want to be around people who want me to do something.

    i don’t mind doing things for someone, basically for someone who needs it, can’t do it for themselves.

    i just realized/came in contact with/ became conscious of, my feeling of not liking being sought after to “DO” something It makes me feel unseen.
    It makes me feels dirty, crumpled, useless.
    It makes me feel used.
    It makes me feel worthless.

    I am not worthless.
    or crumpled or used or any of that other.

    for instance,… well forget it,… it doesn’t matter,

    it felt like:
    my etheric backbone straightening out and up,
    my etheric lungs filling all the way with air–going into every crevice of my lungs
    it also felt like my knees becoming very flexible and springy
    and the calves of my legs and ankles strengthening
    and it felt like my feet becoming (etherically) connected to the ground like with s0mething of the nature of electrical or magnetics. but not really that, so i’m saying etherically…

    it also felt like: “i’m entitled to feel this”.
    just because…

    no reason necessary

    just because I am… ๐Ÿ™‚

  321.  #321Honey on October 22, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    LG –

    If your little visitor doesn’t come by tomorrow…you may be having a REAL little visitor in about 9 months.

    Why is it embarrassing to want a child. If you’re not using birth control, then you must kinda want to get pregnant.

    I love babies!

    I loved being pregnant!

    I wish I could have that time of my life back again…I would do it all so differently. And I would have gotten my kids diagnosed with autism earlier, and early intervention, yada, yada…

    You can’t go back…no use thinking about it.

    Anyway, there’s nothing like carrying a new life and bringing it into the world!

  322.  #322Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    LG it’s ok to feel embarrassed but i have the same thoughts, even though i have BIG career plans, i also just want to be at home raising babies.

    get a preggo test:P take it in the morning first thing and then no more worrying or wondering about that part.

  323.  #323Jori on October 22, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    Lizzie – Just curious, do you get a lot of people asking you how old you are?

    I get it all the time I think because I look 20 years younger than I am, but I feel like there is an agenda behind it (judgment, whatever).

  324.  #324Simply Shannon on October 22, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    LG, again weird because I’ve been spotting like this for a few months too. That is bizarre. And I’ve had several times where I secretly hoped I was preggars. For me it was due to dark thoughts about being able to throw a man in the cage if I was having his baby. I’ve been able to release those demons and guess what… now I don’t want another baby (already have two kiddos). Funny how that worked out.

    But pregnancy is awesome. Children are awesome. Being a mother – awesome and frustrating all at the same time. Haha!

    I feel excited and hopeful. I love being able to celebrate other people’s pregnancies. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  325.  #325Katarina Phang on October 22, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    Turtle girl:

    “he said things to me that hurt. He said that by me wanting to still date others that I was “losing myself” and that I must want a man with a bigger dick and a bigger house and more money. it was horrible. I feel so crappy after his words. I think they say more about his fears than me. But it still hurt me. Wow. I never felt like that as all. I actually really cared for him but he dumped me because of the circular dating I wanted to do. Now I am grieving that. It totally sucks tonite. I feel very sad.”

    , if I can butt in…and this is by no means a slight to CD -which works in my and others’ cases-, I think we should be somewhat careful bringing up this idea to a man who actually does want to “move forward.”

    The message he got from you was that you’re the one who can’t/doesn’t want to commit. And that’s not what CD is all about. If I were you, I would have been sweetly responded to that with a thank-you and -if you’re interested- an acceptance to the offer.

    I know you eventually want the commitment thing -we all do- but guys have to go natural progression too. You can’t just expect him to commit without knowing you more. So go exclusive with him for a while, say 6 months or a year, then evaluate it again. If something’s still missing or the progression is getting stalled, then you can come up with this CD thing to him telling him how you feel about this exclusive but no commitment thing.

    Just my 0.02.

    If SG starts talking about getting exclusive with me, I will tell him my reservations -which he has already known partly, esp. about wanting a child of my own- but I will be happy/feel honored that he wants to move forward. He’s/we’re happy now with the “part-time marriage” thing…we still have a lot to learn about each other.

    So far it’s been wonderful…we haven’t had one argument or any drama yet. He’s really loving, doting and complimentary but I don’t know if that part of him will stay that way (my suspicion is it will) after we are more settled with each other. It’ll perhaps even out throughout the process displaying the real him in a LTR setting.

    I know considering how short the time since we first met is, what we have right now really shows a big “commitment” on his part. He says he doesn’t need much (he’s simple guy, like most guys) and he finds everything he needs in a woman in me, yet yesterday as we were having dinner and talking about going to my home country, he said “Tell your parents next year you’ll bring home a new man and we’re going to tell them about this part-time marriage thing we’re trying to revolutionize America with that we’re writing about.”

    Then he went on, “I know I will say never, but after my divorce I told myself that I would never live with anyone again, I would not marry again..but I’m actually now living with someone.”

    I said I didn’t blame him and I certainly wouldn’t try to convince him otherwise. With all these talks I know he’s going through something he has to figure out for himself.

    I know deep in my heart, he wants me for himself. He wants to marry me. But he’s not quite ready yet to believe that marriage might eventually work for him (my feeling tells me he’ll get there eventually if the stake is losing me). So CD will work for me and he knows I still have my dating profile on (he does too).

    In my situation, I’ll feel safe to tell him why not CDing isn’t working to my advantage, so I want to know what his plan is and after how long. We’ve been pretty open about this since the get-go.

  326.  #326AmberS on October 22, 2010 at 12:50 pm




    And now I get to understand how to keep this flame in myself burning, no matter what else is happening around me.

    I’ve been here before, and I come back here now so much more quickly and easily. It’s just when I’m ‘in it’ that I get so lost in the negative sh*t that I forget that the answer is INSIDE ME. The path back here is MY OWN LOVE FOR ME.

    I know that I should love me. I am diligent, I work hard.

    I work on trusting the universe. I work on loving me. I remember that I should be doing those things and I choose consciously to make them my focus.

    And suddenly, I’m not sure exactly how or what shifts, suddenly I JUST AM


    THIS is the state where I can function as my highest self.

    This is the state where I don’t need or desire anyone else’s reassurance.

    THIS is the state where I AM PURE LIFE AND LIGHT. Where I blaze the trail. Where I want to SHARE BECAUSE I FEEL SO WONDERFUL!

    This is the state I want to be in ALL OF THE TIME.

    This is the state of BEING SECURE.

    This is the state of PURE LOVE AND ASSURANCE that makes all doubt disappear.

    WOW. This feels AWESOME!

  327.  #327Senior Lady Vibe on October 22, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    @158 Brenda says:

    “SLV, I have tried for over a year to get bored with him and get wrapped up in my own life. So far it hasnโ€™t happened. I just feel like Iโ€™m missing a part of my heart. ***Sigh***”

    Brenda you are an OK woman, don’t even worry about a phone call…what’s the worse that could happen? Do you think it will make any difference in results? It seems to me that it was neutral.

    My understanding of that Rori post is that we don’t “try” meaning put an effort toward doing/thinking about the guy i.e. “trying to get bored”…the doing/thinking is about US.

    My take is you are doing a whole lot of good things for yourself, CDing, taking care of your body, household, furbabies, going to POF events, earning an income, encouraging other sirens, and lots more. You are doing fine. Keep on keeping on.


  328.  #328janjune on October 22, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    ive been feeling like i don’t want to go out with the sunday night man.

    really enjoyed talking to him, we thought the same things were funny, got each other’s jokes and he seems like he sees the funny side of things in general which i love l;ove love, it was really so enjoyable and he stepped up when he could tell i wasn’t going to, every time.

    but still, in the beginning, he said instead of would you like to go out sunday night?
    he said what would you say if i asked you to go out sunday night?

    well, i felt pretty good about my answer, i said “I’d say that’s a request I would seriously consider.”

    but still, i think my sixth/seventh grade boyfriend asked me “what would you say if i wanted to kiss you or asked you to dance” or something… something like that echoes in my mind from grade/middle school…

    I feel “Don’t make me work for it man!”
    I won’t work for it. i don’t want to.


    i want a man who can stand up straight, look me in the proverbial eyes and say “would you like to go out sunday night” and be strong and brave enough to take the risk of rejection and feel like he was strong and brave enough to know asking a woman for a date is just a part of life and that he would be alright if i happened to say no.
    Saying what would you say… instead of would you like to go… feels too weak, too fragile, to protective, not manly, not brave, not adventuresome, needs a cover, can’t stand up straight, has to be coddled…

    i don’t want non-risk taker men.

    ohlala ๐Ÿ™‚ i’m liking thinking about the opposite type of man!!! haha! energy dropping into the pelvic region, feelin’ great about men who step up. mmmm mmmm yes to masculine energy men!!

    I’m declaring myself a ‘NO LITTLE BOY ZONE.”
    …unless they’re under 30. ๐Ÿ™‚

    i don’t feel attracted to men who want a woman to make them safe and comfy and cuddled and tucked in with their blankie.

    i want a man who is going to look out for me! not the other way around!! (unless he’s sick, then i would)

  329.  #329Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    Ok, so ya, I’m definitely on my period today.

    I freaked out this morning because I thought it was the spotting getting heavier, but as the day progresses I’m realizing this is a good old fashioned period…right on time.

    I may take a pg test anyway because I just read that some women have what appears to be a period even when they are pregnant and something is definitely outta sorts down there.

    Usually I know when my period is coming because my breasts get kinda big and sore and I feel abnormally b*tchy. I didn’t really notice that this month so the flow kinda snuck up on me.

    Thanks again everyone for your support!

    This did reveal to me that deep down I do want a baby. I’d like to feel a little more settled in my relationship and financially…but if it does happen now it will be okay.


  330.  #330jacqueline on October 22, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    @ Amber- HI!!! Love the little pix, and okay I HEAR you….

    and I second your awsomeness!!!!


  331.  #331Senior Lady Vibe on October 22, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    @172: Brenda says:

    “I feel scared to even jobhunt now, because what if they garnish my wages?”

    It probably won’t happen but if it does, you won’t be the first one. The new job when you find it, probably has bunches of people getting payroll deductions, don’t even worry about it.

    You will survive. You will survive. You will survive and prosper.

    Buuuuuutttt, if you are nervous, you could postpone actual interviewing until you know for certain. You can still “work on” setting up a job campaign, doing all the paperwork and research so the time is not lost.

    Check out Kate Wendleton’s series, all the info overlaps in each book but the “Targeting the Job You Want” one is good, shows you how to set up a campaign so you are in control not only “making applications” and “sending out resumes.” It’s cool! I think you will like it. The web site is Five O’clock club dot com or maybe it’s “The Five O’clock club” dot com. Free articles, you can get books from library.

    Could you temporarily get a roommate/rent a room in your house or apartment? This could give you some extra cash for expenses?

    Brenda, you could be married by this time next year…you never know. Me too. I’m kind of giggling because i started thinking this way last night when I was reading Turtle Girl’s post. I am such a grey-haired child. I think the grey-haired part is going to change next week. ๐Ÿ˜†

    I’m feeling really positive about you…I’ll send you a few vibes…


  332.  #332jacqueline on October 22, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    @ Sweetpea – I know what you mean and would like to talk more but time is short today – maybe you can email me or I’ll catch you later. There’s a line between “felon” and in jail that I’ve experienced….and it might be helpful to you??


    @ KS – hiya!! Hope you’re heading into a great weekend, darling girl with the beautiful voice.

    @ Lizzie – thank you and I’ve written you for more counseling if you feel like it – I have a judgement that having undefined tools allow for people to use them in any manner they want and then just claim the umbrella of riffing. I felt amused and grossed out for instance when someone wanted to squash my brains into someone elses. I also claim the right to advocate violence without being labeled or shunned, but that’s not how I really want to be and it only feels good for a couple of minutes. Then it hurts.

    So, you’r voice and your words are helping me big time.

    Even in not reacting! And staying soft –

    and most of all, selectively shifting!!

    Happy Friday!


  333.  #333Brenda on October 22, 2010 at 1:31 pm


    RE: #334 – Autism

    I worked with autistic children for 4 years. My chiropractor said it’s caused by mercury in vaccines. My biologist friend, Bill, at work, says it’s caused by an older father. He said they did a study on it in Japan.

    I feel curious if either of those was the case for you.

  334.  #334Brenda on October 22, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    Janjune and Amber…

    Welcome back!! Great to see you on Siren Island!


  335.  #335Brenda on October 22, 2010 at 1:39 pm


    Thank you for the wonderful encouragement and info! I already live in a finished basement apartment, so I have that expense as low as I know how!! I will check out the job info you gave me!


    Here are 2 tickets for you to go see your favorite music artist, and a big arrangement of purple orchids!!!!!!


  336.  #336Daria on October 22, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    whoa i feel triggered – if you’re not using birth control, you must kinda want a child!


    maybe you feel really confortable and aware of your cycles and firtile time and a are a Wise Medicine Woman Goddess

  337.  #337Daria on October 22, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    maybe “I”

  338.  #338Sweetpea on October 22, 2010 at 1:46 pm


    What a beautiful name, by the way. Re: # 138. Your words have really struck a chord with me. Not triggered, mind you, but they resonate with me. I was just thinking this morning, that if we’re supposed to be doing what feels good, and CDing doesn’t feel good, and it’s so heart-breaking to me hearing about you Sirens loosing guys you care about over the CD issue, but knowing in my heart that CDing is the way to go…why does it feels do bad? Why, if we have a man who’s stepping up, do we chase him off by telling him we’re going to continue seeing other men? Oh, it feels so bad to me. What you say, makes sense and feels good to me.

    CDing makes perfect sense to me and it does feel good to not be all hung up on one man – to keep my options open. But it feels so sneaky, and like lying going out with another man when I know I’ve got one stepping up. It doesn’t feel authentic, genuine, or like me. So…I guess I’m wanting to experiment more along the lines you’re talking about. If it’s been a reasonable amount of time, and stepping up guy still isn’t showing signs of stepping up to the plate, that seems like the time to CD. Or else I need to figure out a different way to let him know WHY I’m CDing. Because I think men do need some time to commit. And if I know he’s reserving his time for me and not seeing anyone else, but it’s only been a little while, not long ebough for commitment, and I’m enjoying his company and he’s treating me right…is that really the time to punish him by dating other guys.

    Gosh, it’s just such a tough topic. I feel so sad for all of you ladies who are losing good men because they can’t handle your CDing. I feel very hesitant about CDing until there’s something missing with the guy I’m dating.

    But then I wonder, is it really just that I need to stay out there until I have MORE fabulous guys who are treating me right to CD with? Because the guys that leave me feeling kind of “ick” are not the ones I want to lose a great guy over CDing to.

    Hmm… I am in no way knocking CDing, I just wonder if the time & place for it isn’t when the guy ISN’T stepping up. When he’s either stopped, or just never started…but the girlfriend trap, is a trap. I get that too.

    I’m feeling so conflicted.

  339.  #339Daria on October 22, 2010 at 2:00 pm

    Judgement: “You are fake” => I feel mistrustful, angry, defensive, afraid

  340.  #340Daria on October 22, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    But then I wonder, is it really just that I need to stay out there until I have MORE fabulous guys who are treating me right to CD with?

    YES!!! we want to keep dating until a guy actually CLAIMS US FOR WHAT WE WANT!!

    not just sort of

    a guy WILL CLAIM US!!

    a guy who really understands us, cares about US, and makign US happy, will respect that we don’t want to commit until he claims us

    Until he can give us WHAT WE WANT… a forever commitment, feeling safe and happy


    a guy who loves me will WANT me to be happy, will (maybe not like it for himself) but respect me for not “giving it up easy” by committing to a man who



    I only want my forever after man, not my for now man

    my for now man could be one of many for now men

    I am so feeling Rori on this… learning to get my needs met by MANY men, so I don’t have to rely on just one, who hasn’t made that Full commitment to me….

    because to a woman exclusivity IS a full commtiment…

    but to a man it may just be for now

    I just can’t imagine being exclusive with a guy and not thinking about marrying him and having forever with him …

    thats just what I woudl be being exclusive FOR

  341.  #341Sweetpea on October 22, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    Hey Daria,

    It’s really hard to keep up on here anymore, so much going on! Just wanted to make sure you know how much I appreciated what you shared on riffing. Awesome stuff! Thanks!

  342.  #342Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    Jaqueline: wow! I really want to interact with you but I feel scared. I feel scared of being judged. I feel scared of getting into a big debate. I feel scared of not being heard.

    I guess that’s my stuff. Why do I feel scared of those things? Maybe that’s what I should look at.

    I feel scared of being judged because….well, because it sucks. It doesn’t feel good. It feels awful.

    Maybe the healthy thing would be to just let it go and say “oh, that’s just so and so’s opinion. It doesn’t really matter. Sometimes people like me, sometimes they don’t. I know I’m doing my best and that’s all that counts.

    I feel scared of not being heard….why is that scary? Because I have something to say and it would feel really good if it was heard. My heart has a song. But maybe I just need to focus on hearing me. I hear you heart. I hear you and you are lovely.

    I feel scared of getting in to a debate… why is that scary? Because I feel drained afterwards. I want to put that energy into doing good things for myself.

  343.  #343Daria on October 22, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    I think committing to a man before he is making forever plans with me

    is about my insecurity and not wanting to be alone, or “lose” him

    I got my eye on my forever after and my insecurity is not going to pull me in the pits

    If he wants me, He CAN Propose


    it doesn’t take that long,

    Rori says 3 – 9 months of dating is common

    but he will know right away if im his forever… and the rest is just getting to know each other and seeing if he continues feeling that way

  344.  #344Daria on October 22, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    Thanks Sweetpea!

  345.  #345Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    Jaqueline: wow! I really want to interact with you but I feel scared. I feel scared of being judged. I feel scared of getting into a big debate. I feel scared of not being heard.

    I guess that’s my stuff. Why do I feel scared of those things? Maybe that’s what I should look at.

    I feel scared of being judged because….well, because it sucks. It doesn’t feel good. It feels awful.

    Maybe the healthy thing would be to just let it go and say “oh, that’s just so and so’s opinion. It doesn’t really matter. Sometimes people like me, sometimes they don’t. I know I’m doing my best and that’s all that counts.

    I feel scared of not being heard….why is that scary? Because I have something to say and it would feel really good if it was heard. My heart has a song. But maybe I just need to focus on hearing me. I hear you heart. I hear you and you are lovely.

    I feel scared of getting in to a debate… why is that scary? Because I feel drained afterwards. I want to put that energy into doing good things for myself or at least having a fun, uplifting convo.

    Ok, so this is all about me. I hear myself, I’m not going to judge myself or take others judgements seriously, and I’m going to choose how I spen my time.

    I feel more secure now.

  346.  #346tinque on October 22, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    “I think committing to a man before he is making forever plans with me

    is about my insecurity and not wanting to be alone, or โ€œloseโ€ him”

    Yes this is so true, but it also doesn’t mean he won’t commit. I don’t completely agree that a man knows within nine months. Men tend to take a long time, especially the older they are.
    Actually I want to rephrase this. They do know, BUT they can hesitate and want to be REALLY sure before fully committing, especially the older they are.
    They’ve been hurt too, lied to cheated on, and it takes time to see how this person’s full character and personality unfolds.

  347.  #347Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    Hmmmm, for me I’m not really looking for a forever commitment from a man because I don’t feel able to give that to a man now or possibly ever.

    I really don’t think it’s possible for me to commit to forever. I want to have the freedom to change my mind. I know my tastes change and sometimes I want different things at different times in my life.

    I feel perfectly content with a right now man. If he is stepping up, treating me well, and I feel good being around him, and I get the sense that he is into this relationship and is moving it forward, someone I could see being the father of my children, someone who’s making the steps to build a life together and I get the sense that he will follow thru…

    That’s good enough for me and it’s all I can really offer back.

    Daria, I’m not saying what you want is wrong, I’m just exploring what it means for me. I am sooo excited and knowing you will get whatever you want.

    Forever, forever, forever…what does that mean to me?

    Ya, I can’t commit to forever. I won’t commit to forever. I will only commit to what feels good Right Now.

    And I think that actually gives me power in my relationship because he knows if he wants to keep me, he has to continually step up. He has to treat me good right now because that’s what I’m basing my choice to be with him on.

  348.  #348Renee on October 22, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    Rose — Thank you for asking about me. I’ve been off in work land and also feeling very sad.

    Blondie broke up with me (again) the other night…it was weird, really — he said he had reached the conclusion a month ago that I was going to meet someone who was better for me than he was — someone who made more money and didn’t have a crazy travel schedule like he does. He also said there are things about him I didn’t know and that if I did I wouldn’t want him anymore. But the conversation was still somewhat open-ended, so when I got his txt the next day about his feeling guilty for the way he’d been treating me, I let him have it. I feel I’ve been too darn understanding of all his flake outs! I mean — one of the primary attractions to him in the first place was that I thought he was emotionally (and financially) stable, and he turns out to be back and forth and back and forth and this is total b.s!

    So I wrote him that he should feel guilty for the way he’d been treating me and that he’s jerked me around like Raggedy Ann the past few weeks and then topped it off by calling me a gold-digger! I said if that’s what you really think of me, you never really knew me at all.

    He, of course, denied that’s what he meant and then said the good thing was that I wouldn’t have to deal with him ever again, (and then wished blessings on me and my family), but that only made me more sad because he was making it so final, but I just decided to do the walk-away.

    Surprisingly, he txted me today telling me he hoped I was having a great day and I haven’t answered this one either. I figure if he’s already contacting me again, perhaps it’s a sign that he’s having 2nd thoughts? I don’t know, but I do know that after all the jerking around he’s done, he would have to work to get me back at this point. As Bob Grant says, “I am expensive” and one thing I definitely won’t be doing if he does continue to contact me is having sex with him again anytime soon!

    Our sex was great and all, but we only had about one good week after we started sleeping together before his first “freak out” and I’m starting to think that the sleeping together part of the relationship just leaves him feeling like he’s “conquered me” already and I don’t like him having that feeling.

    Anyway — those are my latest thoughts…I have a date with a pilot Monday, but he doesn’t seem to have much sense of humor, so I don’t know how that’s going to go…maybe he’ll lighten up some in person — let’s hope so!! But what I really want is for Blondie to step back up like he did in the beginning and vie for my attention — that would feel so good!!

    But I’m going to be ok either way — if I found one person to date who treated me like gold when we were together, I can find another one who will too — Blondie may have just had a message to deliver. I don’t feel sure of myself when I say I’ll be fine without him, but I know I must.

  349.  #349jacqueline on October 22, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    @ Laughing Goddess – thank you! I’ve been told I’m an -literal – angel a lot of times in healing work, etc. That’s my heart. I don’t want to debate, either.

    I have a new thought around this – and I’m going to write it out – It’s what do you advocate? And/or What Claims YOU? Like that show Nikita (which I’ve seen every interpretatin of, even the french voiced one) – she’s so alpha and so admirable, etc. BUT if you look at what “claims” her – it’s reactionary, meeting violence with violence and coldly rage driven (that’s NOT a description of anyone on here) I guess this is my version of riffing. So, she’s the “good” rager…getting even. And she’s become kind of a template for a LOT of vampire romance novels. Which is where I disagreed with Athol that romance novels are women wanting to be protected. It’s not your mom’s romances anymore! heee…

    alpha and omega, etc. So, this is growth for me and I thank you for your words and your concern and love you for your self expression and feel badly that trees crowd out the light for you – I hate winter!! and I love trees, but I don’t want them blocking my view or my light…and see, I have feelings all about your trees. It’s making me smile – I am always feeling everything. It feels good to laugh about that – I feel about your trees. So, maybe it’s not in my voice, but it’s in me. Thanking my feelings!!! that I can be moved by trees and express it here – very cool.

    I guess this is my processing and maybe it’s my negative voices. It’s how I think in my head – in exposition and questions.

    I have a lot of learning to do and appreciate that about me.

    Bye to everyone for now – take care all,

  350.  #350jacqueline on October 22, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    Ooooh, Renee! I cannot tell you how many times you’ve crossed my mind – and I really feel this guy is toxic. Sorry sorry sorry!!


  351.  #351Sweetpea on October 22, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    Hmmm… Tinque, I never really thought of the age factor, that may play into my feelings of misgiving about CDing when a guy is stepping up.

    Daria – I think you have a valid point as well, you young, beautiful goddess. I see the validity of CDing, I’m just wondering if a little experimentation isn’t in order.

    I’ve been totally CDing with random guys I’ve met – real live, breathing men, but not setting up dates, just totally practicing my goddessy tools on the…how does Rori say it – I can never remember the first guy, but I remember the baker, the candlestick maker…and a guy even bought me roses, when I was out the other night. I don’t feel guilty about that, at all. What I do feel guilty about is setting up dates when I have a man who calls me every night & wants to spend time with me. It feels uncomfortable.

    Even CDing the random guys starts feeling uncomfortable. I’ve decided I need to get more into my feelings with them and tell them when I’m feeling uncomfortable. I know they want a “piece of my pie” as Rori puts it, and I feel comfortable being goddessy and melting with them, up to the point where they start acting like it’s more than friendly, gooey, femininity. It’s a trigger for me to feel like I’m leading them on and something for me to work on. I just find that I feel more comfortable not making dates, but CDing in the moment.

    But…if hunky tech guy were to lose the gf & ask me out again, well… I would definitely set dates with him & then I could see which of the equally yummy guys would step up first and claim me for his own. But I wouldn’t want to discourage hunky tree trimmer over a guy like last night, who is so emotionally damaged as to leave me feeling drained and sad. No. If he’s going to have competition, I say, let’s find him some real competition!

    That’s basically where I’m at with it. Now…the guy who’s 10 years younger than me, owns his own business & is emotionally stable…him I might risk a little discouragement for. He has my #. ๐Ÿ™‚

  352.  #352Lola on October 22, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    I agree with Jacqueline, this does in deed feel toxic and familiar – my ex would finish with me adamantly one day and call me up the next and say “so what we doing?”
    I hope you can keep on walking..I did eventually…keep going!!!!
    ((((go girl))))


  353.  #353life_is_too_short_to... on October 22, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    I feel my heart opening more and more towards other men besides HS LD, and they are responding..my CD card is actually filling up!!! went out last night, going out in a little while here

    I am going to go out more like to the library and the bookstore and events and meetup.org meetings, because not only will i have fun, but i will have a different “vibe” and be more attractive

    I feel so sh*tty and drained and judgmental towards HS LD man..we had the convo where he said he wanted to come here to see me…said “I want you” i said i didn’t feel comfortable with that….i did end up suggesting meeting for a day somewhere in the middle, told him i did not feel comfortable having sex outside of an exclusive relationship

    next day he calls and I get the “I don’t know what I want” talk…no offer of a solution or compromise to get together….and some other assorted put down kind of talk from him…i excused myself from the phone call when i said i just feel sh*tty and he wanted to dismiss my feelings. I said, i got to go…and we hung up.

    so there you have it, now I know. I’m a big girl, i can take it. i feel sh*tty and deceived, because he tries to use words to make me feel like i am The One, but they don’t have any substance, and also because him not making plans to want to see me whether or not we have sex.

    It’s not like I really expect him to be ready for a mature relationship anytime soon anyway. He is just not. Very narcissistic. He might be in the future, but i’m not so sure a tiger like this ever changes its stripes.

    curiously, i feel very free, very free, to let go, to not hold out hope for this relationship, yet not to have to have closure either.

    I am so glad he said to me that i need him for the passion in my life, because it made me stand up, indignant, get angry and yell OH no you’re not!! and really mean it!! I do not need him to be passionate about anything, I AM passionate….and I am so disappointed that he doesn’t already see that.

    Anyway, love to all of you …i’ve been reading but spending time on other things besides writing…

  354.  #354Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    Sweetpea: I’d like to share my perspective on CD-ing. Really this is just my perspective. It’s not meant to be an official recap of how Rori says to do it…so please take it with a grain of salt.

    For me, cd-ing is for us. The guys don’t really need to know about it. It’s for us so that we don’t get attached too early, so we’re not sitting home pining about them.

    Sometimes I see it being used as a sort of threat towards the guy. Like, hey I’m gonna date other guys until you step up. For me, that puts some weird energy into the mix. It makes it more about them rather than about doing what’s bet for us.

    This is kinda subtle and I don’t know if I explained it very well. I hope I did.

    How it works in my relationship is…

    I don’t actively go on dates with other men. But I do actively CD the world and especially myself. I cultivate friendships with other men, especially men I feel connected with. I practice my siren skills on them. If I start to feel concerned about my current relationship, I remind myself that I can start dating whenever I want and I already have a pool of men who see me as a siren. I also flirt with random men I meet and feel attracted to.

    How I present myself to my current lover…

    Early on I let him know that I am ready to settle down with one man and I am only interested in dating a man who is also wanting that in his life and sees that potential with me. I let him know that if I am not feeling fulfilled in our relationship I reserve the right to start dating around. I don’t let myself become dependent on him emotionally or financially.

    One time, we had an argument and he left to take some time alone. It triggered a lot of abandonment issues for me the way that he did it. It was a little harsh and he doesn’t normally treat me like that. I called him to apologize and he didn’t call back. I was feeling pretty bad.

    So I decided rather than sit around feeling down I would get out and fulfill my desire to connect with masculine energy. So the next day I went out to breakfast with one male friend, saw another one at the cafe and hung out with him after, visited with another male friend after that, and then another male friend after that.

    My whole day was fille with masculine energy. When he came back that night I was in a great mood. He was expecting me to still be sad over our fight. I told him I was but then I figured if he didn’t want to be around I would get my needs for masculine energy filled elsewhere.

    I could tell he was shocked and it made a big impact on him. I still respected our sexual exclusivity but he got the message I wasn’t going to sit around pining for him when he left.

    Anyways, that’s my take on things and how I apply it in my own life. ๐Ÿ™‚

  355.  #355Sweetpea on October 22, 2010 at 2:57 pm


    Thank you for your kind words. Hunky Tree Trimmer is not in jail. Yay! I would love to chat with you about the felony vs. misdemeanor aspect of this though. As my sister put it to me, (after she celebrated with me, of course), “why are we celebrating his not being in jail, as opposed to being appalled that he could have gone to jail, again?”

    Heck! I don’t know. Because I’m not judging & staying out of my head! But is that a good thing, I wonder…

  356.  #356Sweetpea on October 22, 2010 at 3:12 pm


    Funny. You must have written that to me while I was writing the next post. Thank you! That, I believe, is exactly what would feel good to me in CDing.

    I do CD myself, and I CD in the real world. And I don’t have a problem telling him about that. Not to make him jealous, but yeah. I told him a guy bought me roses, just because I want that level of honesty to be established. Plus, it let’s him know – “hey. You don’t have me sewn up yet.” I think that’s a good thing for both of us. “Don’t forget what you’ve got here, Sunshine.”

    I feel very good about the fact that I’ve been able to use feeling messages & express my truth with him in a non-blaming way. I haven’t let him slip an inch. If I feel bad, I tell him I feel bad. Like today, he jokingly called me “punk” (and I giggled my a** off) but at the same time I told him I don’t like being called “punk.” He said, “it’s a love name.” I said, “well it doesn’t feel very loving to me.” So he asked me, “how about Baby” which I told him felt good, and then, “how about Lover?” Which I told him felt even better.

    I am surprised and amazed about the level oif confidence I feel and freely express with him. And he responds so well to it. Which just encourages me to do it more. Oh yes. This onbe os a very good growth experience for me, I think.

    Thanks again for your take on things. I really appreciate the feedback.

  357.  #357Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    Sweetpea: sounds like we’re working cd-ing in the same way. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I could see how for a younger woman it might be different. How they could really benefit from learning about all the different types of men out there and deciding what they want. But I remember Rori also says she advocates young women being a “girlfriend”. That it may be a good learning experience for that time of life.

    So this boyfriend ๐Ÿ™‚ of yours and the jail thing. I wanna hear more about that.

    For me, it’s not an automatic deal breaker. We all break laws everyday…and we usually don’t even know we are breaking them. I kinda like someone who doesn’t cowtow to societal pressure.

    At the same time, I wouldn’t want someone who was always attracting trouble either.

    So what kinda guy is this???? Please tell.

  358.  #358Luzy on October 22, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    232: Denise:

    I am 36 divorced 6 years ago and a single parent. I have not been in a serious relationship since my divorce. It was so easy before now I just get lemons for men. Either emotional unavailable, Narcissistic, or Magicians who suddenly disappear when things are getting to close for comfort. I don’t think online dating is for finding a serious committed relationship, but it works if you want to play the field and meet new people.

    I want not to need a relationship, I want to be happy with the idea of being single for the rest of my life. I failed at marriage and I suck at relationships…I am meant to be alone.

  359.  #359Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    Another thing about LI. I’ve had several of my friends say to me “wow, he is really in to you”. Getting that outside feedback was really helpful because honestly, I don’t think I even knew what that looks like. I didn’t even know what it was like to have a man be really into me.

    Anyway, that was pretty significant for me to hear.

    I would base my decision to be with someone only on that outside feedback. I would have to feel good around him also. But that felt really good to hear.

  360.  #360Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 3:43 pm


    This sounds healthy…

    “I want not to need a relationship, I want to be happy with the idea of being single for the rest of my life.”

    This sounds like NV’s talking

    ” I failed at marriage and I suck at relationshipsโ€ฆI am meant
    to be alone.”

    I cannot condone your nv’s talking to you like that! No no no! Let’s think of something more uplifting. C’mon we can do it together.

  361.  #361Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    Meant to say I wouldn’t base my decision on other people’s feedback!

    Wow! Typos galore!

  362.  #362Turtle Girl on October 22, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    If we are single and not in a relationship it can feel like we suck at relationships. Even if you did “fail” at marriage-so what. I don’t believe that, because it takes two being there and two to make it work.
    Failure is just an outcome it does not mean you suck.

    I have said that before prolly on this very post, but I know that I don’t suck. I am just learning like the rest of us girls. I am getting better with each man I date. With each person I interact with I am getting better. Old dogs can learn new tricks. They can and do-all the time.

    But I believe even if I did not do well in the past, even if I have my own “commitment” issues and even if I was/am attracted to toxic men, so what-I can change that-I am changing that. We have choices today. With knowledge comes power. WE can rewrite the play-it is our play after all-we can have it any way we want it.

    CD guy that dumped me? He is coming to my house tonite to bring me some firewood. Huh. Can’t wait for this next act of the play……lol…..xxoo

    Katrina Phang-
    And Daria-
    Thank you both for your input regarding this issue and Sweetpea too. This is complicated and each relationship is different, hard for me to know what to do sometimes, I have to keep in mind what FEELS right to me, and not divert off my feelings and get all up in my head or be all pinny for him because it means I am lonely and not because I want him specifically..that is not fair to him. So I am really growing at light speed here with all this and learning tons about ME. Thank you goddesses every one….xxoo

  363.  #363Luzy on October 22, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    373: Laughing Goddess:

    True I am just having a relapse I guess. I have build many walls, and recently let them down for someone, who eventually left. I want to keep those walls and still feel good about myself. I did not know how to handle this guy and I scared him off. I freaked out and maybe if I stop trying or letting men in I’ll do better.

  364.  #364Ella on October 22, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    Janjune re 156 –

    Wow, it just felt amazing to read that post. I felt calmer and inspired to keep going.

    Thank you.

  365.  #365Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 4:25 pm

    Luzy: I feel you. Heartache feels horrible. And those walls do protect us in a sense, but they also keep things out. Things we really need and want.

    I feel reminded of Rori’s saying “soft on the outside, strong on the inside”. That’s where we can let people in because we know no matter what happens, we will be there for ourselves.
    We will take care of ourselves and we will make healthy choices about who we let in.

    How does that sound to you?

  366.  #366Sweetpea on October 22, 2010 at 4:40 pm


    Speaking as someone who made the Great Wall of China look like a speed bump, I have to tell you, my walls did me more harm than good. They hurt me. It took me a very long time to figure out that my walls were keeping me lonely, isolated and scared. The walls kept out the bad guys, sure. They also kept out good guys, good friends and kept me from being my warm-hearted, genuine, authentic self. And…it’s COLD inside those walls. My own warm heart started growing icicles. It felt icky, yucky, blah.

    I feel so much better about myself and about people in general since I’ve started letting my walls down. Plus, I trust myself more. I feel like a tiny little crb that ventured out of her shell and figured out I’m not nearly so helpless or vulnerable as I thought I was.

    Sorry to hear you’re hurting. I just felt compelled to share my experience with you. Baby steps. Venture out. Then if the walls feel safer, go back behind them. But don’t stay there dearheart. Be brave. Come back out. The water is fine! And we’re here to help you learn to swim away from the bad guys, to heal yourself when your hurt and to help you learn to love yourself, no matter what!

  367.  #367Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    I like the way you said that sweetpea

  368.  #368Ella on October 22, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    Oh I feel triggered!

    I was just on match.com and saw that date guy has a profile on there.

    I feel really in a spin from this because he never mentioned this to me, despite me being very open about me being on there and opening up all about my ideas about dating and how I felt.

    He heard me talk about how it felt to be on match, asked me questions about it and he never once mentioned that he is on there!

    OMG… WTF? I feel really silly, and vulnerable.


    Oh, I should mention that he flamed out again… and that I am still dating Mr feel good, who is his friend (well they know each other) and I felt worried about this last week.

    And when I saw his profile I just have this overwhelming urge to click on it to view it! But I do not want him to know because then I would feel like a desperate stalker! Lol, arghhh, I feel frustrated.

    Why do I keep getting stuck on this guy?? What is he here for?

    I guess a lot of this is because I cannot work him out. His behaviour feels erratic to me. He seemed so into me and then acts like he is not. And I hear from others this is what he does… but then he is on match. And I KNOW this is none of my business! Need to get out of his head.

    Is he a secret dater? A secret proper grown up man but somehow just not for me…

    And it makes me want to SCREAM ‘What, you are on match because you want to date, to find someone… the why didn’t you want me? What is wrong with me? Why, why, why was I not good enough for you?’

    But I also feel too good. I feel confused… don’t get it.

    I feel not good enough! I feel less than. I feel insecure and unworthy. I feel unwanted (this is just me riffing).

    Argh, and I really want to look at the profile. Even considering paying to upgrade so I can look without him knowing! Lol… oh I feel like a stalker now!

    Don’t think I’ll do it but it is like an itch that I shouldn’t scratch!

    Is he not curious about me? Why the F*ck Not!!!! Grrrrr. Poor ego of mine.

    So I feel confused.

    And I want to see what he wrote on his profile because I do not understand him.

    And I know I have no business trying to be in his head right now. I am not invited. It is not my business!

    So why do I keep getting stuck on him? And he keeps showing back up in one form or another. I wasn’t looking for him on match. He was the last person I expected to see there.

    I feel so unattractive right now. And so silly for opening my heart and being vulnerable by talking about me being on match etc… when he obviously was not sharing in the same way.

    I thought I was quite experienced at this (dating), and was classy and sophisticated, and could handle situations.

    Now I just feel like a silly, goofy teenager with a crush who talks too much too soon and tells people everything about my personal life!

    I feel silly and I feel foolish.

    The shell that is my image has been cracked and I feel exposed. Want to hide again… act cool again, like I used to, to protect myself.

    But I can’t/won’t do that anymore. Not in the same way at least.

    I feel muddled, confused, off balance.

    And I want to talk to him! I want to say I have seen him on there.

    But he is not coming forward so I am not invited to talk to him…

    This taps into one of my greatest fears… being unwanted. I HATE not being invited to things. I want the control… I want to be invited everywhere and get to say yes or no! I feel like a DIVA (maybe not in a good way).

    I am so mad at this guy because I feel he is the one taking this away from me… because he is not inviting me and now, because of what I am learning I am responding differently. Leaning back rather than just inviting myself! So much easier to just invite myself to stuff than to deal with the fact that sometimes I am not invited. That feels horrible and hurtful. Sulk teenager!

    But maybe it’s time to concentrate on what I am invited to?? !! Hmmmm…. interesting.

    And it is hard, I HATE it sometimes. It is like I am a child being dragged kicking and screaming into this new way of being, being dragged by my own self, but still resisting.

    Like a battle in myself. And who is winning? Lol…

    But I feel that maybe if I can do this there IS something better around the corner… I hope anyway. I really do and feel kinda angry about this. Angry me!

    But my ego still feels hurt, and my deeper self, because I am not invited and this man keeps me away at arms length. WHY??

    But he is just one man… other men are inviting me!


    Just riffing. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Feel stress in my chest. Want to release.

    Want to drop my energy to my pelvis. Maybe not ready yet.

    Maybe soon?

    I love my feelings that help me grow and learn.

    Yipppeeeee, wohhooooo, I LOVE my feelings, good and bad, even when I label them!

    Wohooo, I am a Siren, and a DIVA!

    One man cannot throw me off balance (well maybe a bit!)

  369.  #369Sweetpea on October 22, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    Ugh! Typos. I’ve actually been off the site for awhile because it’s so hard to go back & “edit” myself on this phone before I post. I’m learning to not judge myself, either though, so despite all that… I’m baaa aack!

    I’m with you, I like my men a little renegade. This one’s a little more renegade, well…no he’s not. I was going to say, “than I feel comfortable with,” but it’s comforting to me to know a man will protect me, no matter what. And I get that from him. If someone disrespects me, he’s probably going to break the law and sock ’em if they don’t stop. And he kills rattlesnakes. I hate rattlesnakes. I’ve actually thought about making that a prerequisite before I date anyone… “Do you kill rattlesnakes, or run away?” My modern day version of the dragonslayer, I guess.

    He owns his own business, cooks, cleans, helps people out. He’s really a good guy (who’s going to steal my heart, he keeps telling me – & he might have a chance). He’s very open, loving, cuddly, honest but diplomatic. He’s just so out there…like confident, like he likes himself, not cocky. Not sure why he was going to court. I didn’t ask, he didn’t tell. But…he’s not in jail, so, considering the venue, can’t have been too bad…

    Did that answer your question? I don’t see that he attracts trouble, but I can see where he’d take the bull by the horns if it comes looking for trouble.

  370.  #370Denise on October 22, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    Online dating is for that- dating and fun. Will it lead to a long term, serious relationship? Who knows! But you have to know what you want.

    I so hear you regarding emotionally unavailable men who use the disappearing act. Does that sound familiar, Renee? I had your Blondie once.

    One question I would like you to consider to yourself, when you are in hyper-truthful mood is, are you sourcing the right candidates? The right candidates will have different attributes than what you had with your ex-husband from years ago. Time passed, you have changed and evolved. Have you truly decided which factors are a must have, on that short list we ascribe to, that you are unwilling to compromise on? Are you listening to your real authenticity? Use intellect and emotions.

    A male friend and I were discussing one of our beautiful female friend’s lack of attraction on a particular harmonious dating site. We wondered, is she actually in tune to answer these quizing questions to get the right matches sent to her? He thought perhaps not, since she has been out of the dating world for so long. He went through the process to find his mate, and he has extensive dating experience. AND he gets the CD! He knows it is for us to keep busy, learn about ourselves, focus on ourselves, while we are not pining away for those unworthy of a siren.

    Just because your marriage failed, does not mean you failed. Was it your first, yes! Think of it as trial run. Life is about practice. Sort through the dating options you already have, get tough on your boundaries to avoid those lemons, and determine your own checklist. Build your skills, (focus on you- and a big boost of self-esteem) grow with abandon, as that never ceases in our enlightenment. I feel then, you will find your romantic ever after!

    Hugs to you, Luzy!

  371.  #371Sweetpea on October 22, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    Re: #379: thanks LG!

  372.  #372Daria on October 22, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    Oh .. I just got shy with an older man, and I was about to go thinking he’s judging me and feeling awful about it, but then I realized his weird tone and withdrawing was After I shut down, and now i still feel icky but thunk this was a pattern from the past or something from being afraid of older men who could be child molesters, and not about my everyday experience at all , except as a trigger that. I shut down with older men and brush them off, He actually eeemed like he wanted me to use his phone, but I neutral energy explained to him … And then he says oh and backed off, I felt afraid of ” getting in yrouble “. With him like hes the principal and I’m a small child, gender neutral , hmmm

    I feel the ickyness a lil still and I also feel glad I just noticed this I want to get this more… Mmmm ..

  373.  #373Gigi on October 22, 2010 at 5:26 pm


    You can look at his profile on Match without him knowing. Just go into Match as a non-member. Either open a new internet window or log out and just go to match.com and do a new search outside of your profile.

    I hope you feel better about it all!



  374.  #374Sweetpea on October 22, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    Wow! This is kinda’ cool in a freaky kind of way. My boss is VERY abrasive sometimes, but a really nice guy. he owns his own business, is fit & attractive, but somewhat lacking in social skills. And he seems to be convinced that his job is to take care of others, but never find love. We were talking the other day & he’s aware that he sabotages relationships, but I don’t think he knows how to fix that.

    Anyway, I feel so angry toward him sometimes that I want to throw the phone at him & tell him to shove it. I’ve been trying to use my girl energy on him, but this week I’ve really been concentrating on it and he has been a pussy cat. Like a sometimes mean, raging beast, who is now treating me more gently & kindly. Wow! I feel awed, surprised, amazed!

  375.  #375Daria on October 22, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    I’m calling men to help me hehe

  376.  #376Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    i feel YUM
    oh wow i feel yum
    no man has ever made me feel this YUM.

    i have a new cd. it was remarkable. I got on the bus and saw a beautiful man. really, really beautiful through and through. I sat down and saw him and thought “that is the most beautiful black man I have ever seen.”

    I got off the bus much later without ever even making eye contact with him and so did he. I crossed the street away from him but he ran after me. He said excuse me, miss? He wanted to know all about me. It was the yummiest, most pleasant conversation I’ve had with a man in my whole life. I felt safe and turned on to the max. I leaned back the whole way. I felt comfortable doing that because he was fully masculine in his energy. I felt natural and not forced using feeling messages. I feel like a confident goddess. This man is BEAUTIFUL and I feel worthy of him.

    This is great on many levels. Looking forward to going on date w/him.

  377.  #377Denise on October 22, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    Renee, a shout out, I feel your pain!

    Blondie is too confused and insecure. He has proven that to me in what you posted. I think I had a Blondie once. Many years ago, we were engaged. One day a seemingly fairy tale existance, of romance, travel, riches, and dreams come true, was entirely gone. It was not my doing. I know that for fact. Everyone who knew both of us, knew that. Something snapped in him. It was clear as a bright day, a short while later when I could wipe away my tears and gasp for air. I saw a clear reality.

    I can see clearly now, the rain has gone…la ti da

    I think he did you a favor, and better to find out now than later.

    Something is so familiar there. Remember the details of his so called profession? I know that well. His psyche may not be what you think it is. YOU deserve Authentic. He is hiding behind a cloak; people in that profession have a skewed view, and are trained to diffuse. In the process, a little bit of their soul can be removed. It’s like their tiny spirit animal has been stripped from them in the rules of conformity and obsessive clandestine ways.

    You sounds capably strong! I feel you are better in control of your destiny.

    Wishing you joy and hugs. -D

  378.  #378Daria on October 22, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    Ella I felt so warm and giggled and felt loved when I read that you want to be invited to things. Me too and I felt live because I recognize that voice and it feels good like being seen.

    Date guy probably got triggered to his own nvs about competing, but still couldn’t resist exploring his obvious attraction to you. Dont worry hell beat his own demons and come back a wonderful man to hunt you down.

  379.  #379Daria on October 22, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    Italian guy is coming to the rescue in 10 !!! minutes. Yay italian guy.

  380.  #380Daria on October 22, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    Omg dorothea I feelsooooo thrilled I must be relinvingest my yommest moments of getting hit on reading your post.

  381.  #381Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    feeling guilty awful scared small
    what if LI is not The One? Feeling awful at the thought of breaking his heart. Feeling cornered like I’d commit to him without marriage (when i don’t feel comfortable doing that) just to simplify things and not leave any opportunity for him to have to compete or me to choose between men. How do I CD when I tell LI that I LOVE him. I do love him. But I feel attracted to other men too and we’re not in an exclusive relationship cuz i said no ring, no commitment from me.

  382.  #382Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    feeling too powerful to succumb to the pressure of triggers right now. thinking the alternative would be sacrificing my future and happiness being exclusive without commitment just to quiet my fears and triggers.

    well f*ck that!!!!!

  383.  #383Daria on October 22, 2010 at 5:50 pm

    Omg god that sound soo great I am going to save your post and later on ask you if I can publish it in my anthology of short romantic stories.

  384.  #384Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    feeling self conscious about how i acted to fine guy tonight. thinking about when he asked me for a hug as he was leaving after we met, and i said “why not” and made a little face. I was nervous!!!! i did want to hug him but i was nervous. Wishing I could go back and do it over.


    note to self: next time, SLOW DOWN. stay present. cuz that feels much better.

  385.  #385Daria on October 22, 2010 at 5:52 pm

    Yeah the nvs blah

  386.  #386Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    not liking at all that i felt so yummy and now i am finding reasons to feel bad.


    would feel really good to get back in goddess mode.

    i will do this by taking soaking in the tub right now.

  387.  #387Daria on October 22, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    Omg.. Chewing really slow and over tastebuds and not swallowing till it’s all mush feels Really good too

    This is not a joke, it’s the same to me

    Bite me nvs

  388.  #388Daria on October 22, 2010 at 6:02 pm

    Sweetpea – your interaction with rebel ram about calling you punk and then changing to baby lover I feel so warm and lived reading that. I love that

  389.  #389Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    chewing food slow sounds like a GREAT idea

  390.  #390Daria on October 22, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    Life – it feels great to hear you stand up for yourself… I feel powerful and like Yesss when I read you take back your power at the end and acknoedge your dissapointment. I feel strong

  391.  #391Senior Lady Vibe on October 22, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    @383: Ella says:
    “Oh I feel triggered!
    I was just on match.com and saw that date guy has a profile on there. ”

    Annoying, but he wouldn’t be taking you on date if he didn’t want to.

    Oh, I’d look. Are we not supposed to? He didn’t cry out “Stop, in the name of love… don’t tell me anything”…when you mentioned YOU were on the dating site.

    I’d look and I wouldn’t say anything unless he mentioned it…I’m curious. Or I’d just ask a friend to look at it. Is this a bad thing? Should I be thinking of this in some other way? What is the siren way for this situation, and why. Curious about that too.


  392.  #392Daria on October 22, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    Renee – you Will be fine! Your alive a beautiful woman!

    You sound great! Remember 3 months ago you didn’t know blonde. You will be more than fine… You will meet many men who want to treat you much better than even he did at first… You sound like a queen.

  393.  #393Daria on October 22, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    You ARE a Queen!

  394.  #394Daria on October 22, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    Slv – I’m open to looking and not looking… I
    already know him, I’m curious too! It’s not like I’m checking it over and over for any hint of action… Hehehe

    Nah but I’d look and not say anything too =D. I don’t have to hide

  395.  #395Daria on October 22, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    Lg I do get it, and I’m intrigued. I wonder why I feel good – and sAfer – about committing to a man ( and really shared life and household). For the whole lifetime… Hmm… Just sound yummy like the story about 2 loving old people… Def something I want to explore more unti I get the gem of this…

  396.  #396Senior Lady Vibe on October 22, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    @385 Denise

    “We wondered, is she actually in tune to answer these quizing questions to get the right matches sent to her? He thought perhaps not, since she has been out of the dating world for so long. He went through the process to find his mate, and he has extensive dating experience…”

    After 25 years I don’t know either…did I ever know?
    What should I know about the quizzes to source the right prospects? Oh, so much to learn…

    I wanted to ask Turtle Girl how she decides who gets a coffee date from the pool that contact her and then how she decides who makes the cut for second date from those who ask for one. I did ask but lost that long post. Good thing, I think I asked too many questions. I’ll have to spread them out anyway so I can soak up everything.

    I know this sounds simple, but this dating thing is sounding increasingly complicated.


  397.  #397Daria on October 22, 2010 at 6:33 pm

    Hehe I can see someone in their crone stage having a pull to be alone, or even leave their household and go dancing and romancing! Hmmm

  398.  #398Daria on October 22, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    Slv – Rori says date Everyman who asks unless he scares you, and keep dating every man who asks as long as you feel good about YOURSELF in their presence.

  399.  #399Daria on October 22, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    It’s about constantly checking my feelings during the interaction

  400.  #400Senior Lady Vibe on October 22, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    @ Daria:

    “Itโ€™s not like Iโ€™m checking it over and over for any hint of actionโ€ฆ Hehehe ”

    Tee hee. I’d check out the action too. Why not? Not compulsively but I like to be in the know. ๐Ÿ˜†


  401.  #401Sweetpea on October 22, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    Aww Daria, thanks! I like the term “rebel ram.” Lol!
    Think he’s an Aries?

  402.  #402Senior Lady Vibe on October 22, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    @412: Daria says:

    “Hehe I can see someone in their crone stage having a pull to be alone, or even leave their household and go dancing and romancing! Hmmm”

    Pull? I suppose that depends upon what she’s pulling….? ๐Ÿ˜†


  403.  #403Ella on October 22, 2010 at 6:44 pm


    as usual, thanks for the input. I did the sneaky thing and looked without using my profile so he would not know it was me! I love my devious side, lol…

    Well when I saw his profile it made me melt and my heart went out to him… anger melted away. I’m not able to explain why… but even if this guy never steps up I feel ok now.

    I feel appreciative of the things he has brought to me and of that part of him that is the Devine Masculine.

    Ohhh, and Mr feel good called me up tonight and asked me ‘where we stood!’. He is so sweet but I have only been dating him a week!! I did not really know how to answer.

    I already gave him the no GF speech… he later responded that he thinks I am putting up barriers cus I have been hurt in the past…

    It has made for some interesting conversations… I am not sure what will happen next though. if he is asking where we stand after 1 week I am not sure how he will take the whole CD-ing thing. I feel nervous about this. I don’t want to stop hanging out with him.

    On the other the thought of getting into a ‘relationship’ with someone, or even getting close to someone so soon scares the pants off me – truly I feel panic when I think of this.

    And the thought that it would just be the same road as before. And I feel fear that I will not be able to take the pressure not to CD, and the fear that I will cave.

    Well I just told Mr feel good my truth which is that I like spending time with him.

    There is another thing too. He is not hansome ini the traditional way. I mean he is not someone I would normally be physically attracted to, and yet when I am around him I am REALLY attracted to him. I wonder what this means…

    Whether it is me becoming more open to recieving from men? But I do feel drawn to him, and comfortable. He makes me feel so good….

    Hmmm. watch this space!

    Daria – I like that you felt giggly reading my previous post! ๐Ÿ™‚

  404.  #404Senior Lady Vibe on October 22, 2010 at 6:47 pm


    “…asking where we stand after 1 week …”

    Seems soon? Is this soon? I was thinking there would not be a NO GF speech until MONTHS later…


  405.  #405Ella on October 22, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    Gigi re 338 – thanks! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  406.  #406Ella on October 22, 2010 at 6:55 pm


    Take good care of yourself right now!

    How do you feel at the moment?

    Hugs x

  407.  #407Luzy on October 22, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    Wow, I am upgrading my profile and I am chatting with two guys at once. I’m turning a bit slutty and I like it ๐Ÿ™‚

    Well see if I can Handle CD…

  408.  #408Ella on October 22, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    SVL –

    Yes it is soon!

    I have been giving the NG speech as soon as it feels I needed to…

    It is weird in this small town… it is like guys EXPECT you to automatically be thier GF after one or two dates.

    Or maybe this is some reflection on me and my thought processes?!.

    I sometimes feel worried that I do the no GF speech too soon, but I feel like a 2 timer if I don’t! And especially as this place is so small, it is only a matter of time before I run into one date whilst out with another.

    With Mr Feel Good. He has made it quite clear that he is into me and has wanted to spend loads of time with me, asking me to do something almost every night this week.

    I have just been following my feelings and going with what feels good. Sometimes I met him, sometimes I said No. We have been doing lots of talking and walking. And recently we got more physical kissing one another. But I would feel more comfortable if it would slow down now (I think).

    I feel ok with how he is… I feel trusting towards him…

    I think that he is being affected by my feelings messages and the vibe we have but I am not blindsided by this.

    What he is asking IS soon and yet I feel ok. I think it comes from a genuine place. I just hope that he will remain as lovely no matter what my reaction.

    I guess if he is a real/good man then he will!

  409.  #409Ella on October 22, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    Also, and I might be wrong here… but it seems to me like dating in general is less accepted in the UK than USA. Especially outside of London.

    That is not to say that it isn’t done, but it seems that it could be less commonplace and in particular for people to date regularly and with lots of people…

    Anyone else on here from UK? What do you think?

  410.  #410Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    weee it’s raining men. i have a spontaneous cd. i was going to stay at home but when the phone rang i just asked myself how i felt as he asked. and i felt good. at first i felt annoyed by how he was asking but i let the judgment go and looked at it positively, and decided wow it would feel fun to have last minute excitement in my life. i feel like a teenager weee

  411.  #411Erika Awakening on October 22, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    I notice feeling anger when I think about this site …

  412.  #412Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    SLV: in my head I’m changing your name to Sassy Lady Vibe. I hope you don’t mind. ๐Ÿ™‚

  413.  #413Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    riff it out, Erika!

  414.  #414Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 7:31 pm

    Erika: hi ๐Ÿ™‚

    what’s going on? Any idea where the anger is coming from?

  415.  #415Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    I summoned erika here with my intense attraction to “difficult” interactions and desire to work through them.

    but i am leaving really soon for a date. haha can i cancel my date and tell him sorry but i have triggers i want to work through? he’s on his way over. I’ll check back later though.

  416.  #416Senior Lady Vibe on October 22, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    @427: Laughing Goddess says:
    “SLV: in my head Iโ€™m changing your name to Sassy Lady Vibe. I hope you donโ€™t mind. “be

    OK, ๐Ÿ˜€ that works but don’t like the word “sassy” so much so maybe i’ll find another “s” word also. Guess “sexy” is too obvious… hahaha ๐Ÿ˜†


  417.  #417Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    I’m judging myself right now. There’s this big party tonight and “everyone” is going to be there and I don’t want to go. I just want to relax at home and watch a movie and chat here.

    Why am I beating myself up over this?

    What if this was the very best thing I could do for myself? Actually, after asking myself that, I feel confident that it is.

  418.  #418Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    Sexy works for me! Yes!

    Sexy lady vibe

  419.  #419Senior Lady Vibe on October 22, 2010 at 7:39 pm


    If you were with a guy I bet you wouldn’t mind staying at home, cuddled up and with a movie, right?

    Well…it’s just sort of a ‘Me-date’ CD if the guy isn’t there too…


  420.  #420Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 7:40 pm

    You could always throw on some lipstick if that’s your thing and go to the party for 30 minutes and then go home.

  421.  #421Lizzie on October 22, 2010 at 7:41 pm


    ugh – so today I dumped 2 guys; and I got dumped by 2 guys….like WTF!!! I hate this sh*t.

    So I dumped married guy – wrote him a really nice note, and this afternoon, I got a really nice note back… I am so happy I wrote him a note. It was a very dignified coming to closure. It was as freeing for him as me. And I am thankful for the “message” he was for me.

    Then I dumped the Teacher – he was more sad and sent me 2 notes back – the second one apologizing for the sarcastic first note….Seems I just might have done the right thing.

    Then! Like FuKc! the 2 French men dumped me! seems they had both already been out meeting lovely ladies and decided they would like to pursue a relationship with one of them. So thank you now go away.

    I freaking hate this sh*t.
    I feel hurt.
    My chest hurts.
    I am sad.
    My bladder still hurts.

    I am running a workshop all weekend and I am not ready
    I am distracted
    I hurt all over
    I am thinking about stepping out of all this for a while.
    Looking for someone to play with has distracted me from what is important – my business
    I need to re-focus on my business.

    So I shall say goodbye to all my lovely giving and loving friends here now as well. Maybe I shall be back in a few months – I might be an elastic band for a while. Never the less, you are such a wonderful community and I so enormously appreciate the gift each of you bring to this list. I have learned from each of you!

    Good night! and Good bye!!!


  422.  #422Senior Lady Vibe on October 22, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    @433: Laughing Goddess says:
    “Sexy works for me! Yes!
    Sexy lady vibe”

    Uh-huhhhh, Hmmmm, Yummy. ๐Ÿ˜€


  423.  #423Senior Lady Vibe on October 22, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    “Then! Like FuKc! the 2 French men dumped me!”

    Isn’t this “pre-date?” so technically not a dump? Anyway, they’re French… ๐Ÿ˜† isn’t that the stereotype, romance is easy come, easy go…?

    I hope you feel better, maybe a couple of weeks off would be good for you and come back vigorous!


  424.  #424Senior Lady Vibe on October 22, 2010 at 7:55 pm


    I’m thinking I’ve never even been “kissing buddies” with more than one man at a time.

    Even when I’ve seen it happen on those “Bachelor/Bachelorette” shows it seems … something… odd… inauthentic…I don’t know what…


  425.  #425Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 8:00 pm

    Sexy Lady Vibe: yes! A me date. I love it! Thank you.

    Dorothe: that’s a great idea. I would probably do that except for it’s about 45 minutes away and involves parking one place and taking a shuttle to the actual party and it’s cold and raining and I just started my period and blah blah blah….

    But I have a little case of FOMO (fear of missing out)

    I have all these lame reasons in my head why I should go…
    Networking, blah blah.


    anyway, I’m going to follow my intuition and stay home.

    Have fun on your date! Loved reading your bus man story. Love that you have beautiful men chasing you down. ๐Ÿ™‚

  426.  #426Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    omg i would stay home. lol. no question about it

  427.  #427Jennifer on October 22, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    Wondering if it would cause more peace on the blog if sirens stared a riff entry with the word
    Little confining maybe?
    More like clarifying…..?
    and possibly a trigger blog with the word
    or something like that
    maybe I just wanna keep peace here cause my life is all bad tsunami wall of crap.
    Maybe I shouldn’t care
    Maybe this isn’t the thread for this.
    Maybe I’m thinking too much
    Maybe I don’t wanna feel nuffin.
    And nobody is big enough to make me
    Maybe I’m burnt out of feeling stuff.

  428.  #428PassionatelyPisces on October 22, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    Thank you for the welcome and responses to my questions about the meaning of ‘riffing’ and ‘triggered.’

    As I said, I left a 12 year relationship with a very sincere, basically decent alcoholic man. I know the alcoholism should be a deal-breaker. It is a fatal and progressive disease and he wants no part of getting truly sober and healthy. It’s been a pattern for me (father and first husband both died of it) and my second husband was alcoholic also—but was violent and abusive and I left him.

    Duh…you’d think I’d have learned my lesson. But no…I spent a few years alone and went on to alcoholic relationship #3.

    I know I need the Toxic Men program. There’s a part of me that hopes I’ll find that he is not all-out toxic, but just has some toxic qualities. (I know….I know…)

    We still talk to each other and just in the short time I’ve been reading this blog and Rori’s materials—(I have Modern Siren and Reconnect Your Relationship and the E-book)—using the feeling messages and leaning back, etc. has considerably changed the dynamic between us. This totally surprises me, and I’m thinking it may have given me some false hope.

    If nothing else, I’m hoping that the more I learn and the more I use the tools that it will be easier to just stay on my horse and keep on riding. I thought I wanted/needed closure. I know better now, but things are so awkward and sad and I feel confused a lot of the time. He tells me I will never be replaced and that [his house] will always be my home. As good as that makes me feel sometimes, I’m realizing that in some ways it’s a trap. I almost hate it that it’s SO totally my decision. He cried when I left, but never asked me not to. I think he knows I deserve better. I know it, too. But I do still love him.

    I’m trying to remember how lonely I was with him and how angry and crazy I felt most of the time. I’m not actually thinking of going back, but I don’t feel really ‘single’ yet and I can’t blame anyone but myself for that. I am VERY aware that I need to keep the focus on me and decide what it is that *I* want and need—and I guess that’s the tough part.

    I turned 50 in March and this is the first time in my life that I’ve lived all alone and been able to focus just on me and my life. I’m trying to keep in mind what Rori says about how we don’t fall in love with a man—we fall in love with ourselves in his presence. I think I have that mixed up because I always seem to get hung up on “the man.” (And I can SO relate to when you ladies talk about “the man crack”—it makes me chuckle to myself, but it’s really not funny.) This stuff is SO deeply ingrained in me.

    Does anyone have the Toxic Men program? Did it help you unravel the mess? I will be ordering it in a few weeks, but just curious. I’d be happy to answer any questions about the two programs I have.


    P.S. How do I ‘uncheck’ the box where an e-mail is sent everytime someone posts?

  429.  #429Brenda on October 22, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    I texted Ryan again tonight. These texts took place over a period of hours:

    Bren: Hiya! I find it impossible to outgirl you **blushes!** I feel dumb but I miss you. How can we solve this so I don’t annoy you?

    Bren: Ryan loves Brenda

    Ryan: I don’t really know what to do. I need space.

    Bren: I’m sorry, Ryan. I feel bad. I don’t want to disrespect your boundaries. I am really struggling with letting you go. I am doing my best. You are my favorite person in the world. The best times of my life were spent with you. I only want friendship. I will do my best to not contact you again. ๐Ÿ™ I love you.

    Ryan: Thank you

    Bren: I just need to say one more thing. I thought I was doing a relatively good job of giving you space. I’m not perfect. I wish life was a play we could rehearse. If I knew 2 years ago what I know now, I would have related to you far differently. Even tho you want a woman fully devoted to you, if I hadn’t shown you all my devotion, but been more aloof, I wonder how much different the lines of the play would be reading now. I think subconsciously, you want a woman who isn’t faithful. I was too available. Not enough of a conquest. I feel so sad. Very, very sad.

    Ryan: I’m sorry you’re feeling so sad.

    Bren: Thank you

    Ryan: Are you doing ok?

    Bren: God’s arms around me will hold me together. I feel touched that you asked. I have made a study of how to relate to you with emotional intelligence. I feel bad that at best I can’t hold on to my feelings. Then I feel embarrassed.

    Bren: I just wish you could turn back time one last time to let us start our friendship from scratch, as tho we had never met.

    Bren: I am crying tonight, but my heart cries every night.

    Ryan: Without the romantic element?

    Bren: Yes. Like I said, I only want to be your friend. I don’t want to be anything else with the schizophrenia there. No offense to you. Just too many issues with it.

    Ryan: Well, we can start talking to each other.

    Bren: Big smile! Thank you so much. I feel happy! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Ryan: ๐Ÿ™‚

    Ryan: Feeling better?

    Bren: LOL! Yeah! Thanks!

    Ryan: ๐Ÿ™‚

    Wow! I feel amazed at the turn-around! I feel amazed at Rori’s program! I feel happy Ryan is my friend again!

  430.  #430Brenda on October 22, 2010 at 9:12 pm


    RE: #351 – I am a “rhythm” baby…My mommy was using the rhythm method of birth control when she conceived me. I love the rhythm method…its results are marvelous! Hehehehe! ๐Ÿ˜†

  431.  #431janjune on October 22, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    hi sweet brenda!

  432.  #432Dorothea on October 22, 2010 at 9:30 pm

    well my cd felt bad and i cut it short. so, hi.

    i definitely told him in feeling messages how i was feeling, and he kept saying he didn’t know what to do and there’s no magic way to make me feel better. i kept speaking in feelings until after about 20 minutes of this i said, “what i’m hearing is that since there’s no magic cure, you’re not gonna try anything, and that you don’t want me to feel bad, yet you’re dragging out a conversation about it and i am feeling even worse now.” then i said i was going to leave. then i realized i had a full beer and he drank his while i was telling him how i feel, and that i wanted to drink mine too, so i told him this felt unfair that if i had to walk away and not get the chance to enjoy myself and that maybe he should leave instead so i can drink my beer and feel good. he left. the end.

  433.  #433janjune on October 22, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    well, goddesses, i do feel the vibe has shifted and men can feel it.

    i wish i wasn’t so tired so i could share everything with the other goddesses on here who haven’t got a clue about online dating like i don’t…but am learning…

    i have come up with a way that, for me, is taking the pain and time and work out of messaging and smiling and winking and viewing and what to do when i get an “I’m Interested In You”–where they have merely moved their finger and pressed a button as a means of communicating their interest ๐Ÿ™‚ ehem….

    i will post later what i’ve been doing that is working in my situation because i don’t feel any stress over it all, not like i did last year when i tried to online date.

    Looks like I have two step up men so far, who have set up actual dates.
    And three more men who are being wishy washy and seem to be waiting for me to do the work.
    But i won’t!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    they can drop off into girly-guy oblivion if they want to ๐Ÿ™‚ i’m meaning that as a joke, but do of course really mean it.

    it feels very fun to lean back.
    and let them walk away if they want to…
    but it seems funny the three who are wishy washing around—
    i thought they were gone already ๐Ÿ™‚
    but they’re not
    they’ve stepped up their game a little bit, but not much
    after i don’t respond to the crumb they throw … they’ve re-grouped for a day or two and then thrown a piece of bread.

    But i want the loaf!!
    slathered with organic creamy butter
    with cherry preserves
    and a big cup of steaming hot columbian coffee with cream
    and three strips of crispy bacon,
    two eggs scrambled and
    extra napkins.
    oh, and a water with lemon please! ๐Ÿ™‚

    funny how i seem to be putting men and food together
    in the same category, thoughts, sentences.
    ….this means something….
    hmmmm……. appetites, yes, provisions/provider, hmmm….. yes

    well, right now i’m going to do a scarlett o’hara: I’ll think about it tomorrow

    i cd’d myself tonight with my sister and her best friend. we went to one of the entertainment districts in our city and had appetizers and fruity tropical drinks with little umbrellas in them and mine had a pair of teeny-tiny pink sunglasses stuck into an orange slice. ๐Ÿ™‚

    i pinned the sunglasses on my jacket lapel and will leave it there to remind me that goddesses can do and have and be anything they want…

    goodnight ๐Ÿ™‚

  434.  #434Brenda on October 22, 2010 at 10:06 pm


    RE: #436 – I feel sad to see you go! I do understand tho, and you need to do you, and stay on your bridge and what feels best to you. I love you! And I really appreciate your witty relational style! You make me laugh over and over! I hope your seminar goes well this weekend. Just keep your mind clear by thinking about Mt. Kilamajaro and other slutty feeling messages. ๐Ÿ˜†

  435.  #435Brenda on October 22, 2010 at 10:14 pm


    RE: #443 – The biggest thing I got from Toxic Men was to sit down, walk out, cover my heart with my hand, and how to say, “This doesn’t feel good” in various ways. If a man tries to abuse me, I can walk out, saying, “This feels awful.” Are you setting your sites too low? Aim big!

    To uncheck a subscription to a thread, click, “Manage my Subscriptions” at the bottom of the thread. Uncheck it on the list of threads.

  436.  #436Honey on October 22, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    Sirens –

    WTF! Does every man try to pull the seduction routine by the 3rd date? Or is it me? Not that the guy tonight was disrespectful or anything, but geez. What do you say when a guy says he wants you? “Thank you, I appreciate that, but no”? I wasn’t offended or anything, because he is a nice guy and respectful of my boundaries. I’m just wondering if everyone else has the same experience.

  437.  #437Honey on October 22, 2010 at 10:39 pm

    Lizzie –

    If you read this, I will miss you. I hope you come back soon,

  438.  #438Honey on October 22, 2010 at 10:46 pm

    Dorothea –

    I’m sorry your CD sucked. At the same time, I cannot believe that you got him to leave so you could drink your beer in peace. You are the Queen of Feelings Messages for sure.

  439.  #439Nikita on October 22, 2010 at 11:05 pm

    Later Lizzie ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thank you for the lovely wisdom around the forty-something’s men, mwuah! ๐Ÿ˜€
    May the force be with you!!!!!

  440.  #440Apple Jacks on October 22, 2010 at 11:12 pm

    Hey Nikita!

    I’ve got some astrology discoveries about myself I wanted to share. Remember when I said I just do NOT identify with a Leo? And you told me that I was born in the year of the fire snake and to also find out my rising sun and moon signs? Well, I found out my rising moon is Aries and my rising sun is Scorpio.

    I read another article talking about how our astrological signs may not be what we think it is due to the sun processions not being taken into consideration or whatever, didn’t read the details, and according to these people my sign may not be Leo at all but Cancer, and when I read the description of Cancer I totally identified! Including the flaws and it was very congruent with my INFP personality type. So…can I just say I’m a Cancer and shed the Leo name totally lol?

    I just had to share what I found out.

  441.  #441Laughing Goddess on October 22, 2010 at 11:41 pm

    I feel very proud of myself about how I dealt with a situation that I was very triggered by. Wow! I handle it differently than I normally do. It was quite challenging but I did it. Progress!

  442.  #442Ella on October 23, 2010 at 3:56 am

    Dorethea re 425 –

    Wooohooo! Yay.

    I too have been following my feelings instead of ‘the rules’ and it has led to some fun/interesting/challenging results.

    Siren power! Wohoo.

  443.  #443Ella on October 23, 2010 at 4:05 am

    SVL – re 439

    I had never done this before I started CD-ing either. And if you read back some of my posts you will see how triggered I have been by letting guys kiss me.

    However Rori does suggest that we open ourselves to men and that there is no issue with kissing guys. Yes, even more than 1… I think she suggests allowing a guy to kiss us the first time he tires, as long as we are not repulsed by them!

    Well it massively triggered my insecurities, and worries about what people would say or ‘being judged’. On the other hand I can feel it making me stronger inside! Like I am stopping worrying what other people think and knowing my guy will be able to ‘see’ me no matter what is going on or who I have kissed in the past.

    I think it is more the issues WE have with kissing men, and how that makes us feel and taps into the judgements we have and the labels that get put on women, instead of focusing on freedom.

    I do feel a lilttle judged here.

    Well anyway if I do not feel comfortable I will not kiss anyone. On the other hand I will not stop doing what feels good because of other people’s judgements (not you SVL… others in my town) or my own fears.

    So I guess I will see how this works out.

  444.  #444Ella on October 23, 2010 at 4:18 am

    Honey re 451

    In general guys are more in touch with their sexual side than us. I think it is cool if we can understand that without judging (I struggle with this and have often ‘guilted’ guys for being sexual towards me) AS LONG AS they respect our boundaries and our right to say No!

    For me I will just keep talking in feeling messages and stick to my boundaries if I am not comfortable. In extreme cases I will leave.

    For me the raw sexuality of a man is one of the differences I embrace and it feels so flattering that they are attracted to me with this masculine power. At the same time I want to be respected and cherished and for some women they do not feel this way if a guy shows his sexual side too soon.

    Also I will NOT do anything I do not want to or that would leave my feeling unloved or disrespected.

    Isn’t it great that we are getting to learn about this and how to have boundaries and still stay open.

  445.  #445Ella on October 23, 2010 at 4:26 am

    Janjune re 448 –

    It made me feel so good to read this positive post.

    And I actually laughed out loud reading about the wishy washy, girly boys, throwing crumbs and then pieces of bread… loool!

    Good for you hon. I can feel your positivity!

    I also have 2/3 step up men and 2/3 wishy washy guys… it does feel good not to try to get the wieshy washy ones to do anything… and basking in the attention of the step up ones!

    There is only 1 I really feel I am vibing with right now however I guess that can change on a dime!

    I LOVE Siren power – feels good!

    Would also love to hear about how you are managing your internet dates.


  446.  #446Ella on October 23, 2010 at 4:31 am

    Dorethea re 447

    Wow, way to use DIVA power!

    Do you mind me asking what he was doing or why you were feeloing so bad? I feel curious!

  447.  #447Daria on October 23, 2010 at 4:33 am

    Super cd, learning a lot from cd about health and meal plan organizing. I learned about saturated fats and how to have them with omega 3 s like flax oil,

    And how to plan my meal plan – having breakfast tomorrow! I am excited

  448.  #448Daria on October 23, 2010 at 4:38 am

    I got pregnant using condoms maybe like a 30 sec slip but even so I took after pills yah… I feel comfy w my rhythm, although I noticed that sex is a power event for me since I’m not in the habit of it weekly … And I have induced ovulation that way…

    I also know to use neem oil and queen Anne lace seed chew

  449.  #449Daria on October 23, 2010 at 4:41 am

    Lizzie – the ‘dumping’ seems like a mirror…

    No more dumping just receiving from now on

  450.  #450Ella on October 23, 2010 at 4:42 am


    I do not really know the history with Ryan or the situation.

    I can feel that the situation with him is a massive challenge for you. I think I read that you have been trying no contact and that your feelings have stayed really strong. I know you are working on this and using Rori’s tools.

    I feel worried for you and I want you to be safe and feel ok/good.

    Just from your post above I feel worried that you are opening up to a man that is not really available/there for you. Ie: making yourself open to him when he is not stepping up? I could be wrong and I do not want to judge. I feel curious to know more if you feel like talking about it.

    I believe this taps straight into my own issues where I did this with my ex and other men and the pain I felt ie: I was opening up to them when they were not coming towards me. Don’t know if this is the case here?

    I just feel protective of my Siren sister. And I think I could learn from this.

  451.  #451Ella on October 23, 2010 at 4:46 am

    Jennifer re 442 –

    I love your honesty! It feels good/authentic.

    I like that you are trying to keep us safe.

    I relate to not wanting to feel anythinig anymore. I can feel tiring sometimes and I just want to slip back to old habits…

    But for me I am too far gone, lol. I do not want to go back to my old ways… it would feel SO wrong now. I cannot even pretend anymore!

  452.  #452Ella on October 23, 2010 at 4:50 am

    LG –

    How was your date with yourself at home?

  453.  #453Renee on October 23, 2010 at 4:51 am

    Hi All — And thanks for your input.

    This man may well be toxic…I don’t know. It doesn’t sound like this has been typical behavior for him in the past, so I want to believe this is an anomaly, but I can’t really tell. I know it felt really good to get his txt today…can’t tell whether he meant as in a “let’s be pals!” sort of way or whether he’s actually having 2nd thoughts, but I know my perfume’s embedded in his pillows from the last night I stayed there, so I do think he’s remembering me, if for no other reason, then that one.

    I vascillate between being afraid I won’t hear from him again and being afraid that I will and that I won’t handle it “just right” so as to lure him back in. I hate that I’m even worried about how to “play” him to get him back in the fold…I’d like to just be myself if/when he comes back around, but the truth would be, “I’ve been feeling hurt, sad and rejected since you broke up with me and I really want you to adore me again” but I don’t think that will engender the response I want.

    It’s true — I didn’t know him 3 months ago, but 3 months ago I had another guy who adored me, which was why I kept Blondie on ice for several weeks in the first place…I don’t like not having a man to adore me at the moment…I’ve been keeping busy with work, but it’s not the same as being adored…I get such a charge out of that feeling!

    I can’t help feel like a big part of this thing with Blondie is my fault…you see — I can’t really feel my feelings much of the time…I feel fear a lot (which I’ve gotten really good at hiding) but once I develop feelings for a man, it triggers insecurity and I find myself feeling afraid more than I’d like and I think that’s what runs them off…my abandonment issues surface and I start becoming more accomodating and bam! Next thing you know, I’ve been dumped again!

    Anyway…I need to somehow stop carrying around all this fear…I envy those of you who talk about feeling your energy here and there and dropping it into your pelvis — I just feel varying degrees of a knot in the pit of my stomach most of the time…and it feels so normal, that I barely even notice it — I don’t know how to be any other way!

    It’s so helpful to have you ladies here on the blog to rely on for support…it’s hard to explain the intricacies of my relationships with other people whom I don’t see everday — there’s too much going on to easily recap after a week or two, you know?

  454.  #454Ella on October 23, 2010 at 4:56 am

    Oh Lizzie,

    I have felt like giving up so many times… and then I stay with it and my feelings, and then it turns a corner and I feel good again, and somehow that I have reached a new level.

    If you do need a break, take it!

    If you are reading this I just wondered about the dumping thing? I feel curious. I have not needed to ‘dump’ anyone as yet, they have either just kind of fallen off or I have been able to move forward and leave them behind. Otherwise they are still hanging on my horse in one way or another as maybe they still have more to teach me!

    I know Rori suggests speaking our truth even if this is that we don’t want to see a man again so I am curious to see how this works when that time comes for me.

    Maybe Lizzie it was just time for you to change your rotation of men. Mayne the ones that comoe at you now will be at a higher level!

    Pop back and let us know what happens if you feel like it.

    Hugs to you.

  455.  #455Renee on October 23, 2010 at 5:50 am

    I’m feeling better this morning…still thinking some about Blondie and hoping he contacts me again, but I received a new email this morning from a guy who seems like a “step up” kind of guy and he’s actually kind of cute, so that feels good.

    I also wrote a contract yesterday for a sale on the product I sell, and it looks like that sale’s going to go through — I should find out today. I’ve been working hard to really apply myself at work these past couple of weeks and even though I’m missing going to the game today with Blondie, it’s probably better for me in the grand scheme of things that I’m able to be available to negotiate this contract today — business has been slow this year and every contract is a reason to celebrate!

    I don’t feel the knot in my stomach as deeply as I did yesterday…I usually feel better in the mornings and I’m working on figuring out how to stay in this more peaceful space all day — perhaps I need to cut down on caffeine to avoid feeling that anxiety that seems to overtake me a lot in the evenings.

    Lizzie — I understand how frustrating it is to spend so much of you time/effort on this cd’ing thing, only to have it blow up in your face from time to time. But I really do think that if you hang in there, it will absolutely turn back around for you. Hope you don’t stay away too long!

  456.  #456Senior Lady Vibe on October 23, 2010 at 6:02 am

    @458: Ella says:
    SVL โ€“ re 439

    “I had never done this before I started CD-ing either. And if you read back some of my posts you will see how triggered I have been by letting guys kiss me.
    However Rori does suggest that we open ourselves to men and that there is no issue with kissing guys. Yes, even more than 1โ€ฆ I think she suggests allowing a guy to kiss us the first time he tires, as long as we are not repulsed by them!”

    I believe that “the judging” is something you thought about… ๐Ÿ˜€ I perceived this because you were maybe thinking that was what I had in mind.

    Not so! ๐Ÿ˜† I don’t give a fig about what someone would think about me kissing an army of men! hahahaha. That thought didn’t even enter my head!!!

    I was thinking of ME, what I would FEEL. I’ve only ever been in romantic kissing mode with one guy at a time. That’s what I was thinking. But you never know, I’ve — Hey, actually that’s not true…. Oops, just thought about something….oh, my, hehehe, polaroid photos and all. hahahahah ๐Ÿ˜†

    Well, well, well, I guess I’ll be all right then…

    maybe I am the “sexy lady vibe” tee hee

  457.  #457Brenda on October 23, 2010 at 6:19 am


    444 and 465: I think the other women are sick of me talking about Ryan. ๐Ÿ™‚ Been whining and moaning for 6 months on here now…and that doesn’t even count the 6 months before that, before I found the blog! ๐Ÿ™‚ So I’ll give you the abbreviated version.

    I was exclusive with Ryan for about 10 months in 2009. During that time, I started to listen to Rori’s CD programs, trying to hang on, as more and more uncertainties and issues arose. I couldn’t shift fast enough, and I was operating out of almost a complete lack of experience and training with men.

    He broke my heart in July 2009, leading me on to believe he was on the verge of proposing to me. Instead he said, “It’s just a friendship. I’m not in love with you.” All my hopes, dreams, and love were at their peak, after all the love we had shared. It sliced my heart out and is the worst anyone has ever hurt me.

    The relationship struggled on a few more months, on a friendship level. I was way overfunctioning, initiating all the time, texting tens of times a day. I have been working on breaking my addiction to him for a year. There’s a lot good there, too. I am just giving you a rundown of the bad. His schizophrenia makes him interact in weird, hurtful ways at times.

    He has been coming my direction off and on for about a month now. I initiated after 18 days of not hearing from him.

    I am so thrilled that things turned around last night! Like Rori says…


  458.  #458Luzy on October 23, 2010 at 7:16 am

    I am amazed how much little changes can make big differences. I change my Profile and wrote a more positive statement and made it about me; and wow here are some of the things some men have wrote to me…
    **”I enjoyed both your profile and pictures…..
    Yes, it would be nice to get to know you.

    **Have a good night Luzy, purple is my favorite color:) That’s a very nice picture.”**

    **you have very beautiful black hair love it! where is you family from? tell me what ever you feel comfortable. by reading you profile I believe we have alot common intrests. Douglas **

    I put a picture of me smiling as my main picture and it seems to atract men more than any ‘sexy” or ‘provocative’ picture
    I will try to put this aproach in the outside world because it seems to work.

  459.  #459Jeannette on October 23, 2010 at 7:23 am

    Brenda, I feel for you….You are acting on your emotions…But, having been there… sometimes we think we really want something when it’s just an illusion. If a great guy came along, say he was like Ryan but whole without the schizophrenia, I think you wold be able to overcome your emotions. I think you care about Ryan in many ways, yes, but some of that might be because it’s been the best you’ve ever had…or at least in a long time. My ex long distance dumped me about a year ago…..Very, very painful…..the lets be friends stuff…..to this day I am shocked because in many ways I thought seriously he was the right one…a great connection…But, I too think he really wants a woman that is unattainable…Someone once told me it’s those men who really don’t like women….the whole intimacy thing…Just make sure you don’t fall into that predicament too Brenda…Just take care of yourself…You are a very beautiful person and VERY intelligent….way more going for you then you’ll ever know…I am so impressed with your wisdom and intelligence. You can move mountains Brenda… God bless you….

  460.  #460Luzy on October 23, 2010 at 7:53 am

    473: Brenda,

    I think you should stop contacting him, if you did good for eighteen days you can do good for another day and another and so on. Go out meet people even if they are not men the idea is to keep yourself busy. I do that when I get disappointed with a man; However I don’t learn and end up making the same mistake when I meet a new man ( I lean forward and try to control the outcome).

  461.  #461Tina on October 23, 2010 at 8:36 am

    OMG! lol

  462.  #462Ella on October 23, 2010 at 8:42 am


    Re 473 –

    Well done honni, you are doing well. YOu are aware and I am glad you feel a shift in the ways things are, whether it ultimately works with him, or whether you find someone else.

    Good to hear that you are learning how to put the focus on you.

    Hugs and good vibes to you. x

  463.  #463Ella on October 23, 2010 at 8:45 am

    Owww, I would really like to go out dancing tonight. Preferably with a sexy man, lol…

    I am putting out vibes and calling men to come and take care of my need!

    Rah, boo boo! Ha ha.

  464.  #464Erika Awakening on October 23, 2010 at 8:50 am

    I feel so angry I don’t even want to riff it out … and as I say that I feel sad

  465.  #465Ella on October 23, 2010 at 8:54 am

    Sexy Lady Vibe @471

    ha ha… cool.

    Yes I also was thinking about how I feel in this situation. However the judging thing from others always sneaks back in!

    I definitely have issues around judging and being judged! Lol.


  466.  #466Senior Lady Vibe on October 23, 2010 at 9:05 am

    @482: Ella says:
    Sexy Lady Vibe

    ” However the judging thing from others always sneaks back in! …I definitely have issues around judging and being judged! Lol.

    I never thought about anyone accusing me of being bad or not nice…I was thinking “wouldn’t it feel ‘icky'” mainly because it seemed that way to me when I saw those bachelorette type reality shows where the woman kisses one guy afte