He Will Show Up – Yes He Will

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I know right now, it feels far away.

You’re either in the middle of a relationship that doesn’t feel good, or you’re in an empty space on the game board of life and love, or you’re in pain, or you’re making do, or you’re in a state of hope and working through stuff, or you’re in a good place and just want it to be better…there’s always something better, there’s always something more, there’s always something to want and aspire to and hope for and look for and…

…and what if that’s what it will always look like?

That you’re always in flux, always in transition, that it never stops, you never get relief, you never get a moment to just sit and reflect unless you take it, that you’ll never really know what’s next – you can only be as prepared as possible for when what’s next shows up…?

It’s a mystery, is what it is.  The plot is loose.  You outline it, and the details are a surprise.

So – what CAN we do to create what’s next as something we WANT?

It’s all in the small steps, it’s all in the outline, it’s all in the preparation, it’s all in the here-and-now and what I can actually DO in this moment.

It’s all in undoing the old outline.

It’s all in creating a sense of freedom for yourself.  Making it okay, deep down to throw out the old outline and create a new one.

So – what will your outline look like, and how will you prepare for all the details however they show up?

Well…Let’s…

1. Sketch it in:

Write down the basics:

Relationship: Requirements for relationship are companionship, fun, ease, juice, affection, commitment, feeling good…

Security: Enough money to live without fear of the details as they show up…

Meaning: What I do matters.  Who I am is important…

Enjoyment: I actually feel good.  I actually enjoy all the moments of my life.

Go on and write more if you like – but make sure they’re sketchy like this.

2. Imagine the high points:

Get a feel for how these great plot points of the outline will look and feel – and don’t try to put them in context, or balance them out with other aspects of your life.  Make it like they’re stand-alone great-feeling experiences.

Riff (in the Power & Self Esteem category here) through these imaginings if you find them bringing up all kinds of Nasty Voices and resistance and tension in your body.

3. Get Faith:

This is trust in yourself, trust in your outline, trust that your old beliefs that say “no” to your wants are crap, and that your new beliefs that it will all show up as outlined (though it may LOOK completely different) are gold and TRUE.

Even if you falter sometimes, and fall off the Faith and Trust wagon, just climb back on.

Be your own Sun.  Make your outline sunny and rosy, and say “I’m sticking to it.”

Don’t let people with a skewed view of “reality” shake your confidence in your faith and trust in yourself and your outline – just smile, say thank you for sharing, and be on your way to whatever’s next.

I know, because I’ve seen it over and over and over – that when you’ve prepared for the GOOD in your outline, the good shows up.  And when you prepare for the bad, you feel secure and safe, but you stay put where you are.

It’s so much easier to get what you EXPECT. If you expect to feel good, it’s easier to see it and receive it.  If you expect to feel bad, it’s easier to notice it and bring it on over.

Expectation is sort of an Invitation.  So – Invite what you want, not what you don’t want. And…

…that’s an easy thing to say.

That’s what everyone says – and yet…

How do you even know if something that seems “bad” is really bad?

What if it’s something important, meaningful, and full of powerful lessons that will get you to the “good” so much faster?

So – What I want you to invite – is not anything LITERAL, straightforward, an event, a happening, a phone call – a thing, a look.  Instead…I want you to invite the sketchy high points of your outline – however they look.

I want you to prepare for the journey here – the ups and downs, the transitions, the places where it’s empty, and the places where you feel lost. I want you to pack your bags correctly and do the work. I want you to take care of yourself right here, right now, the things only you can take care of. Even if you don’t like doing it because you wish someone else would.

I want you to step across the gameboard of life even if you don’t know what the next square is – in the direction of your outline’s high points.

This isn’t preparing for the worst – this is preparing for the best.  This is Faith and Trust in action – this is building your strength. Just take one step at a time, and don’t let your PERSPECTIVE on what’s happening make you make decisions about your outline. If you step in mud, don’t let it throw you off. Your outline is good.  What happens next is a mystery.

We can never know what’s next, so we can never know why what’s happening right now is happening.  The only possible explanation that fits with these 3 steps is that – whatever’s happening HAS to be part of the outline.  It may be unexpected, it may not feel good – but it’s there just because it is.  And it doesn’t do ANYTHING about what’s going to happen next except PREPARE us!

So – He will show up.  Your man will show up. If the man you’re with can, he’ll step up, and if he can’t – the right man WILL show up.  I know it.  Your outline says it.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I’m asking you to stick to it, too – and let’s hear some of your glorious outline sketches, and remember to love even the mud…

Love, Rori

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45 Comments

  1.  #1searchingwithin on March 2, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    Excellent article, as always. Faith is the hardest part, and the part that is the easiest to forget from time to time. Especially when we step in that mud, or even worse, fall in that mud. Thank you for the reminder.

    Best Wishes



  2.  #2heartbeat on March 2, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    I like the image of packing my bags correctly. It feels brave and adventurous.

    I remember writing a very detailed list of what I wanted to attract into my life a few years ago. It was very specific. Each year I crossed bits out, some aspects I’d received, maybe not in the form I’d expected. Other bits I changed. It FEELS the same, though – in fact, the LESS I DO the more my life feels like I want it to.

    And I’ve been through a LOT of mud. I really love the picture of not getting bogged down in the mud by a too-close perspective. And not getting pulled down by others’ views.



  3.  #3Becca on March 2, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    This post was a great reminder to love and trust myself and what I want out of MY life. Thanks Rori, here are my Sketchy outline sketches 🙂

    Relationships:
    Sharing, love, fun, sillyness, ease, relaxation, companionship, feeling good, excitement, home, family, care, safe, trust, honesty, loyalty, communication, support

    Security:
    Comfortable, enough money, preparedness, home, work, qualifications/experience, support

    Meaning:
    I am important, what I do matters, I am making a difference in my life and others, I can do/be whatever I wish, trust and believe in myself even if my thoughts/beliefs/opinions clash with those of others, trust myself when my beliefs change

    Enjoyment:
    Sillyness, fun, feeling good, enjoying life, doing what I feel like and what feels good, exploring, relaxing, entertaining, living in the present moment and not worrying about the past and future



  4.  #4ABC on March 2, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    i get it, Rori,

    thank you for the insightful info.

    it’s not about preventing the “down moments” from happening, or worse beating myself up when they happen, it’s what i think, what i do, and how i choose to FEEL and BE that’s going to make the difference.

    i really feel for this post. i’ve always waiting for my life to begin, waiting for an adventure, waiting for someone….and i forgot that this IS my life, and that it starts right this moment, and that i AM responsible for making IT HAPPEN.

    i also love this “loving the mud.” i am not at that step yet, but i am definitely “accepting the mud” 🙂 yeh!! and know better now how to bring myself back up higher from the “mud.”

    we don’t have to pursue happiness, we CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY.



  5.  #5heartbeat on March 2, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    Nice blog, Searchingwithin! I appreciate the post on core values, among others.

    I feel rushed and urgent and piecemeal tonight. I’m gaining a lot of insights and look forward to settling back into myself to distil in words what they are. I feel shaky, and happy and …horny… lol! that just popped in… omg that feels amusing!



  6.  #6gina on March 2, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    guess what! I think he showed up! I mentioned in other comments that I’m a cocktail waitress at a comedy club. The other night, one of the comedians just about fell in love when I delivered him a shot from an audience member. after the show he introduced himself to me, and asked me to lunch. I said maybe, and asked if he’d stick around after the show. He stayed for as long as he could, but then he had to go before I got off work, so he gave me his number. I said I’d feel better if he contacted me. so I gave him my number. He called that night, but i missed the call. Next day, he texted to see if I was up for having lunch with him. I said yes, and he told me to name the place, and he said he’d meet me at 2. We had a good, natural conversation over lunch. He wanted to go to an antique mall right after, but I had spent the hour prior to the date there (we have things in common that neither of us has found in other relationships). So we went to a couple of museums instead. Had a great time joking and arguing about art, and he said he thought he was in love with me! and he kept making jokes about our married life together. He texted after wards to say what a great time he had. Called that night and we talked for a long time – and he continued to try to answer my every need, and made honest jokes about falling in love and our married life together. This morning he texted good morning, and called to talk for a while. Then he texted later in the afternoon to let me know he was going to see a movie with his 3 yr old and that he thinks it’s maybe too early to officially introduce me to her, but that he didn’t see any harm if they happened to bump into me. i couldn’t make it, but tommorrow, he’s making dinner for me and we are watching a movie! Leaning back, speaking my truth, being myself, and speaking in feeling messages is what’s making this go so smoothly. He keeps joking about our future – he’s crazy! I’m taking it slow, but it’s great to have a grown man who knows what he wants pursuing me like crazy!



  7.  #7Linmayu on March 2, 2009 at 8:06 pm

    Rori, I LOVE this post. I had been looking for something to get the big picture started, a blueprint if you will–and I had been asking to learn more about that mysterious thing called Faith–and this showed up at just the right time.

    The bit about it feeling far away, I totally get that. I was out of my mind on a shamanic journey this morning and one of my spirit teachers told me that my wave/relationship/man IS far away, and that all I have to do is to ride the smaller waves that are currently here, focus on the aspects of my life that need attention NOW.

    I don’t mind him being far away, as long as I know he’s out there on the ocean somewhere–and I do.

    So, my lovely outline is as follows:

    Purpose: I walk in all three worlds–Heaven, Earth, and Hell, if you will. The human world, spirit world, and shadow world. I am connected to humanity and divinity, and I pull out ALL of my Divinely inspired gifts in the service of humanity. I am aware of my shadow side, my evil side, and I allow it to strengthen me but not to run me.

    Security: My work brings in all I need and then some. I do work that I love, connected to my purpose, and abundance flows through me to be redirected into even more of my passionate work. I am able to maintain my own household under my own power.

    Relationship: I am strongly connected to others. I have close family members and true friends. If there is a man in my life, he is loving, attentive, spiritual, and devoted, and he is unquestionably mine by choice–a constantly renewing choice. There is trust and love and joy and bliss and sex and fun and surrender and respect. The relationship is better than even I could have ever imagined.

    Sketchy enough?

    P.S. Gina, I feel tickled and hopeful reading about your new man. What a ride!



  8.  #8Daria on March 2, 2009 at 8:57 pm

    I feel kinda demotivated right now, so I am using my boy energy to Push into doing this exercise:

    Relationship: excitement, sexuality, loyalty, trust, at homeness, adventure, connection, interest, fun, laughing, power ???, support, partnership, ease, comfort, JOY. Relationship with my family and friends is support, respect, honor, JOY.

    Security: health, physical freedom, financial fortune, being able to take care of my desires easily and take care of my family and others if need arises and I so choose. Being able to give freely, sufficiently and impactfully to the world.

    Meaning: I bring the light, I bring the good. I am a Goddess. I do magic. My all acts are divine, I am rhythmic, sensual, majestic, hypnotic, enchanted. I bring love and blessings and joy from my innocence and pleasure, sexuality and love from my sensuality.

    Enjoyment: I actually feel good. I actually enjoy all the moments of my life. I have fun. I play! I dance! I connect!. I feel included, wanted, supported, loved. I feel FREE. I feel relieved. I feel I finally finally do get what I want, I deserve what I want. I feel happy.



  9.  #9Daria on March 2, 2009 at 9:00 pm

    Adding to Enjoyment: I move around, freely. I feel the wind, I smell the smell of plants and earth. I feel natural. I feel blessed. I feel Grateful.



  10.  #10Erin G. on March 2, 2009 at 9:08 pm

    3. Get Faith:

    This is trust in yourself.

    Even if you falter sometimes, and fall off the Faith and Trust wagon, just climb back on.

    Wow. I want to take a picture of a wagon and put it in my front room to remind me of this.

    Incredible article as always. The piece about getting back on when you falter is crucial. That is where I think the strength to really change is found. Its that faith, like Rori says…its that believing in something yet unseen but you want so bad you can taste it. I loved reading that part.

    PS ladies…just ordered SIREN! I can’t wait until it gets here. I am a newbie to the Rori fan club although the way I feel about what she says makes me feel like an old timer.

    Positive vibes for all! I am gonna go jump on the wagon train!



  11.  #11alias girl on March 2, 2009 at 9:43 pm

    yae! erin! welcome to SIREN ISLAND!!!



  12.  #12Erin G. on March 2, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    THANKS!



  13.  #13Tracy on March 2, 2009 at 10:07 pm

    gina!….thats great…i feel so inspired by your story..thanks for sharing it with us……i feel motivated to keep on improving myself leaning back and taking care of me…..
    lots of hugs!



  14.  #14alias girl on March 3, 2009 at 1:56 am

    OMG. I FEEL FUCKING OUTRAGED. I FEEL OUTRAGED. ok i am not going to riff here. i’m not going to go all into it. but on my dating site they have it set up where you can send eflowers with points or you can send a rose. a rose is a bigger deal bc of a couple of reasons. men don’t send the roses all that often.

    that f in sex guy who just barrelled ahead and laid his freaking sex fantasies onto me HAS SENT ANOTHER WOMAN A ROSE SINCE THE TIME WE’VE EMAILED.

    WTD. HE NEVER SENT ME DAMN EFLOWERS EVEN. HE NEVER FAVORITED ME. HE NEVER EVEN APOLGIZED. I AM OUTRAGED BC THIS IS TRIGGERING ANY TIME A GUY HAS DONE THIS TO ME. I AM FUCKING OUTRAGED. Ok. phew. relief from the screaming. me saying outraged so many times actually made me laugh. heehee. BUT I AM FUCKING OUTRAGED. I HAVE STEAM COMING OUT OF THE TOP OF MY HEAD.

    ok so obviously this has nothing to do with this complete stranger who i never met (who freaking looks like my ex). i mean for reals. it has nothing to do with this pinhead online and alot to do with my ex.

    OMG. I AM OUTRAGED. and honestly quite amused at my outrage. whoa. i need to go have a little sit in with these feelings. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

    and it’s not just to do with my ex. this has triggered ALOT.

    YAE. i love being triggered now bc it mean i can drop about ten years of trauma from my body in one hour.

    I feel OUTRAGED. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.



  15.  #15alias girl on March 3, 2009 at 2:59 am

    wow. i feel ALOT of rage inside me. seriously. the downside of getting in touch with your feelings. whoa. whoa.

    whoa.



  16.  #16alias girl on March 3, 2009 at 4:01 am

    ok well that was a very interesting trip through a less traveled portion of my psyche.

    Relationship – fun, clean, monogamous, loyal, companionship, shared values, complimentary personalities, sexy, passionate. ROMANTIC, thoughtful, accepting, fiery (ah yes alias girl be careful what you ask for), loving, adoring, respectful, yummy

    Security – perfect health, safe wonderful home, financial freedom and abundance and ease with finances, a Feeling of security in life and all my affairs, physical safety in all i do and everywhere i go. accompanied by a Feeling of safety as well

    Meaning- reaching my highest potential, having my highest potential be a gift or blessing to humanity and the rest of life as well. living in bliss and having that spill over to everyone i meet or touch, achieving goals, being a loving presence on the planet,

    Enjoyment



  17.  #17alias girl on March 3, 2009 at 4:05 am

    okey dokey wasn’t quite finished

    enjoyment- being fully present in the NOW, being fully present as my highest funnest most loving FUNNEST goddess self, following my bliss in complete faith that it will lead me to higher and higher ground of love and fun and beauty and expansion and freedom and laughter and light and generosity and openess and inclusion and acceptance and love love



  18.  #18heartbeat on March 3, 2009 at 4:45 am

    WOW Alias Girl – I’m here cheering you on!! XXXXX



  19.  #19Katja on March 3, 2009 at 8:10 am

    First I want to thank you,Rori,for this post! Its great and gives me a lot of faith and hope 🙂

    Second I want to thank you,Gina,for sharing your story! I feel so happy for you!!!

    Third I want to tell you that I feel really great today! What a difference a simple haircut makes 🙂 Maybe its not just the haircut…Maybe I am so happy because I did something that felt extremely good (cutting my hair) and I am not trying to be someone I am not. I have to explain this…I always thought that I have to have long hair to be a woman,to be sexy and adorable. I don’t know why. As a little child my mother always cut my hair short so everyone thought I was a boy. My older sister always “was allowed” to have long hair,I was not because my mother said my hair was to thin to be long. Later as a teenager I began to let my hair grow really long because I wanted to be beautiful and a woman and sexy etc. And I didn’t see that its not because of the length of the hair that a woman is sexy,womanly,beautiful (like it has also nothing to do with the body). So I feel very proud of myself for letting this false belief go and for doing something that felt so good. And I love my shorter hair! I feel really confident right now!

    Okay now doing the exercise (btw I feel inspired by all of your comments here):

    Relationship: faithful,romantic,sex,fun,rich,inspiring,safe,trust,understanding,love,desire,authenticity,honesty,respectful,lifelong commitment,adventure,affection,support,family,relaxing,joy,marriage

    Security:
    healthy mind,body and soul, enough money for me and my family to live and do the things I/we want, enough money to buy a house with a garden, a work I love and that fulfills me

    Meaning:
    I am a beautiful,great,fun,sexy,mystical,amazing woman who is also a wonderful mother, a good and caring friend and who brings good into the world,helps others and is able to put a smile on the lips of all the people who cross her way 🙂 I am a goddess, I am me, I do what I want and what I think is the right thing to do in every moment. I don’t judge myself for being or doing something-even if it feels unusual or out of the ordinary. I love myself all the time and for all I am.

    Enjoyment:
    I actually feel great. I enjoy my life,I enjoy every part of it,I enjoy the NOW,I enjoy myself and others,I enjoy my relationship,I enjoy motherhood,I enjoy every single moment of my life.

    Hugs and love!!!



  20.  #20Katja on March 3, 2009 at 8:13 am

    Wow how could I write over the boundary? Is this a message? 🙂



  21.  #21ABC on March 3, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    hi Rori,

    i have a question.

    i know that you follow the show “the Bachelor” last season. I am not sure if you do for this season.

    but the finale last night got lots of people mad. i watched the show periodically, and the Bachelor Jason just doesn’t seem sincere to me—prove me wrong. but it got me wonder that when he said he’s just following his heart, chose to dump Melissa–after he proposed to her, then went back to Molly, what kind of man is that???

    he also seems very feminine to me too. so i was just wondering what your thoughts on this if you can share that with us, that’ll be great!:)



  22.  #22alias girl on March 3, 2009 at 2:52 pm

    this is what i am currently attracting with online men:

    men who want to Stay online. men who i give my phone number to and they continue to email me.

    plus one man who is quote unquote WAITING to hear from me again so we can meet for dinner (does this mean he doesn’t want to pay if it’s not worded as a direct invitation?)

    plus the man who told me he was married. i told him i felt duped since that’s not in his profile. blech.he said he has an open marriage. i told him i felt uninterested.

    i feel like telling these men to STRAP A PAIR OF BALLS ON.

    this is why i pick who i pick. it is starting to look to me like all the men i picked in my past were actually the best of the lot and my hopes dreams and expectations for a true manly man who loves ccherishes and adores me is too much to ask for.

    oh it’s not fair to not mention the men who feel way too clingy and overeager too fast. one guy kept thanking me for talking to him. profusley thanking me. then after we got off the phone he emailed me to thank me again.

    i feel amused and naseaus and slightly hopeless. ok ok ok ok i love my desire to control outcomes and timing and other people. i love where i am in this moment. i love my hopelessness that will be gone in a moment as quickly as it came. i feel better already. okey dokey back up in my saddle. yeeha!



  23.  #23Terry on March 3, 2009 at 3:13 pm

    Rori-

    This is so powerful. After a series of disastrous relationships, faith and knowing what I wanted in man, in a relationship — and especially in myself– helped me get it.

    I met a great guy. We’ve been happily married for 17 years now.

    Listen to Rori, People. She knows what she’s talking about.



  24.  #24alias girl on March 3, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    apparently what i want is a man that is stronger than me, smarter than me, can take charge and lead. While also being sweet and romantic and respectful and adoring.

    hahahahahaahhahaaaaahhaaaa

    but in my new experimental phase it seems like what i really like to do is push up against a man and see what he’s made of.

    i do not believe this is part of the rori plan. i feel unsure how to reconcile my instincts and desires with being feminine. i feel like i only become soft once the man proves he’s strong enough. then i can kind of relax and be a girl. otherwise i feel like i’m waiting on a soft phallus. which i don’t want. since my interest in sex is a high priority in a relationship. ok. i’m just being honest here.

    i am a man? should i just take on the boy part of the relationship? argh but i can’t bc that doesn’t interest me. i just want a stronger man than me.

    rrrrrrrrrrgggh. ok just working my stuff out online here. probably no one relates. sorry. i ended up with more testosterone than the average woman.rrrrgggh. wanna rumble?. hahah just kidding.

    rgh although reshi and daria have shared similar struggles so i am not completely alone. rrrgh..



  25.  #25Daria on March 3, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    Uhh wait Alias girl I relate. Oh wait. Maybe I should have read the last two lines. Lol. I felt triggered to quickly respond and say me too… Reading at Level 3… will practice…

    I tried out for America’s Next Top Model (for 5’7 and under). I stood in the rain for two hours. I sat inside for two hours. I stood in a row of 80 girls for 10 minutes. 80 at a time out of a thousand. I was number 821. I did not get called. I feel proud. I feel glad I look really good to myself when I look in the mirror. I feel exhausted and hungry. I jsut got in 5 min ago.



  26.  #26alias girl on March 3, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    i feel very proud reading about daria’s venture with america’s next top model. i feel annoyed they did not recognize her fabulousness and choose her. but also feel confident that must mean something BETTER is in store for her that would ultimately be for her greater good and happiness.

    but yae! how fun and brave!!! what a cool fun day!!



  27.  #27Daria on March 3, 2009 at 9:32 pm

    The application asked us really cool questions like what would you want in your ideal mate, what will you do after you get on the show, and what is different about you.

    I had a great time writing those while standing up in the rain and clarified stuff about myself on the spot. Wow!

    New things I wrote and thus found out about myself:

    For example I want “charming” as a quality of my ideal mate. (After honest, brave, intelligent which I already knew).

    I want to be an actress.

    I am an adventurous dresser. I like shocking people! I have unconventional views and think there should be no social classes.

    I feel ashamed of letting people make fun of me in middle school.

    I love my mom and admire her quiet strength, perseverance, and the way she tries to accept me.

    I consider my dad strong and determined.

    I don’t want to live with people who LIE, whine, or are mean for no reason.

    How do I deal with people that intimidate me? I admire them!

    I want to give my friends money to start their music business.

    My ideal day is waking up with the sun shining, going downstairs where the music is playing, having friends come over, BBQ’ing !! (what for real? wow !) and dancing until night time, going in to surf the net and read a book. Going to sleep.

    I can usually control my temper and what really makes me lose it is when people insult my friends (ok I already knew this one).

    3 words that describe me: Genius, happy, sexy

    I’m most proud of not becoming “a statistic” by getting into drugs and finishing college. (I’m also proud that in the past I learned to enjoy alone time and meditate instead of feeling I need to be out being with people all the time… I didn’t put that though).

    Wow!



  28.  #28gina on March 3, 2009 at 10:14 pm

    okay, so that wasn’t “him” after all (I posted earlier that I thought maybe “HE” showed up). He is great, but I just cant’ do it. He’s 15 years older than me, has 3 kids, a couple of ex wives, and he was just moving full speed ahead into a full fledged relationship – and I could not do it. I first had that feeling when I was on my way over to his house for dinner tonight. In fact, I had bought wine that I didn’t bring inside cause I realized that I wanted to keep it nice and friendly. We watched a movie, and he was affectionate – but I felt no desire at all to reciprocate. Mostly, I wanted him to stop running (snagging) his fingers through my curly hair, but I didnt’ want to be mean, and I didn’t want to connect with him either, by saying it sweetly somehow – so I felt a little annoyed. I just wanted to leave. After the movie, he was wanting to watch TV, but I bolted. I called him a little later to let him know that I just think we’re at different places in our lives, and that I just couldn’t do it. He showed me how I want to be treated, but I just didn’t feel him and his situation. I feel relieved that I took care of it right away, so that confirms to me that it wasn’t right. But I do feel a little bad, cause he’s so nice!!



  29.  #29gina on March 3, 2009 at 11:19 pm

    alias girl,
    I totally relate to the “pushing up against him to see what he is made of” stuff. totally. but then I also want to find the guy adorable. strong and adorable.



  30.  #30alias girl on March 4, 2009 at 1:15 am

    i feel weird. i have these ideas in my head of a really cool world. but the world i live in is not the world in my head. i feel confused. i have these ideas of how goddessy my potential is but then i have these awful thoughts or feelings sometimes and i just think ugh how lame.

    i’m still all weird about that online pushy sex guy. and i wonder if in real life he would just rape a girl even though she said no? i feel confused. and then not apologize. maybe he thinks he didn’t do anything to cross my boundaries?? then i was looking up Sociopath on the internet and it sounds like a lot of people in the city i live in. and i thought am i a sociopath? is my ex (s) socipath(s)?

    i feel really confused. and i put up on my dating profile that i think all men are soft. so i don’t think that will yield very good results. and yet i feel amused at that. so that is antisocial behavior. ?

    i feel really angry still at that incident with that guy but i’m really glad it happened bc it’s brought up alot of stuff for me and i feel happy for that bc it’s better than sitting in the same old muck i’ve been sitting in for years. i feel rambling. but alot of good shifts happening but i feel so uncertain.

    and that feels like a buzzing of energy in my body.

    my body hurts today. my back muscles are sore bc yesterday i was punching the air over and over again bc i was so angry. i feel like i went ten rounds in a boxing match.

    i feel embarrassed admitting my truth. also amused.

    yae gina. i feel happy you followed your feelings. i feel your strength.



  31.  #31Maria on March 4, 2009 at 2:00 am

    Ag, here is what l think – what men do it sometimes is that they hold many lines active. (its just the same how we do for Circular dating). it all depends of what they are looking. If you have noticed, many of them just looking for ANYTHING – meaning, lets see what will happen, without defining the goal. What lve learned so far is that a man, who tells me nice things can do the same to other women as well, so l wont invest much in it until lm the ONE.And thats what Rori advices as well. Dont let yourself put down to this one guy for long.



  32.  #32Daria on March 4, 2009 at 4:00 am

    so many insights, so little time:

    So Dang I lost it. Grr. I lost my last insight. Ok so at the club tonight I met a guy. Not my “type” and now I feel super excited when I meet a guy not my type… because Rori says its good to date out your type if the guy feels the least bit attractive. And also because I like expanding my type… I don’t like to feel limited, you see. I try all the exotic food too. Uhoh I feel ashamed and weirded out now. LIke I’m judging. I mean all foods I haven’t tried yet. Yuck. I don’t want to be trying out Exotic flavors in guys. That feels icky. I feel like I’m not seeing their humanity or something. Whoa… deep strange something there… feels like tensing shoulder and crinkling brow and tightening lower back and more forehead, neck, head shaking like no and exhaling through pursed lips… well.. thank you… I love all my sensations by the way… ok… that feels like warmth in my middle tummy. I love dancing. It feels like sex. I can tighten up different parts of my body and send them eneargy and move my body around that. And if there’s a guy dancing with me even more easily. Plus it gets the whole crowd of men looking at me. Which feels scary and cool. By the way I don’t think it’s because I look stupid or over the top. I feel really subtle and focused on my body on the inside when I do that. It feels yummy.

    Ok so the guy seemed cool and I felt excited to meet him. I’m like yay a good guy that likes me. Then he started saying stuff (warning… insight) like Am I bugging you… I don’t want to bother you… WHOA turnoff. So I realize I want my guy to be secure. And I feel like that’s too much to ask for.

    My type is guys that are really secure (or into themselves) kinda like the “jock” “too cool and popular guy” like the arrogant prom king or something. I always had crushes on those guys in middle school but felt not even good enough for a regular guy, let alone one of the “popular” ones. So I guess I’m filling in for that time. I love myself though… I love myself. Ok so I want a SECURE guy that is also INTO ME. It’s like I don’t believe that it’s possible, that a SECURE and GOOD guy would even be into me. They always leave me for another girl that’s more their type (WHOA! where is this coming from but its true, so true…).

    Ok so back in what happened, I said I feel weird when he said that. And I said I feel uncomfortable the second time. And I said I liked him when I met him (he asked) and now I don’t know because I was feeling weird. YAY go me for “keeping it real” with the feeling messages and not pretending to feel ok. I felt comfortable with him with me although I did feel like checking out (visually and what I thought unobservedly by anyone) some of the other guys. Now I feel like I have a shyness issue. Why do I have to check out other guys unobservedly?? Point is that I felt turned off. By those statements. And I realize the reason I don’t like “good guys” is that I think they are insecure which makes me feel turned off. I feel turned off by what he said. Now I feel like he may be a cool friend or date but not the one that turns me on. Hmmm…. good observation Daria. Thank you. So lets recap that I want a SECURE man. this should be fun.

    Let’s say SECURE and GOOD. Whoa. I might wind up getting married.



  33.  #33Daria on March 4, 2009 at 4:15 am

    I feel pist that the guy I thought was most attractive (most my type physically – skinny (not a hard order to fill) and the hairstyle I most like) came and talked to my girl. She didn’t like him. (He’s not her type). I felt jolted. I felt disappointed. Is it ok to still talk to him? Or flirt with him (meeting eyes). I didn’t, I felt insecure. Is that leaning forward to even allow connection to a guy who wanted to talk to my friend first (she’s attractive too) even though he doesn’t know us, is that taking crumbs? Or is it ok for me to give him a chance by allowing him to see that I find him attractive?

    Is it “bad” for me to be into a certain looks for guys (usually like exes) I instantly feel like ooop. Jolt of energy, on alert (in a turned on way).

    Rori says only if he gives to me. So DAMMIT. I want to not put up a wall to him. Which I do by feeling disappointed that he didn’t come talk to me, and then I kinda feel bad about myself. Seems like I shouldn’t even be getting turned on by a man’s looks, I have to wait for his energy to come first. But I do get turned on by looks and body language. So it is ok. I love myself.

    Oh it was cool to see how loving myself could attract a guy because of seeing how (what I think was) not loving himself in the guy I met made me feel bad. So then that means that loving himself would have made me feel good… I want to tell him next time he thinks that (I’m feeling bugged by him) he should just leave to give me space instead of saying that… But I don’t want to say it because I don’t want to control the outcome… he may come up with something better… I feel WEIRD and turned off when I hear those statements though… Wow sigh of relief… that feels great and powerful… so I know I got it right… wow Rori you’re right… lots of energy release in getting and expressing the “right” feeling… I feel all teary again in that “weird” way… like I feel moved… it feels unexplainable in words, and I always try to surpress it… I feel scared to really understand whatsup with that… and I love my feeling… both the fear and the actual teary feeling… thank you…



  34.  #34alias girl on March 4, 2009 at 8:20 am

    thank you daria. i feel appreciative. i learn alot by reading your process.

    thank you maria. i feel curious about this whole dating procees. this whole man/woman thing. i feel overwhelmed sometimes. i feel frightened of men sometimes. i don’t really have a problem with men circular date but if they don’t i’m someone really worth putting effort towards i feel soooooo uninterested. or like this one guy was so adamant about oh hey hey just want to hang out. don’t want anything serious. no relationship stuff. you’re cool with that right?right?right? if they have that much energy towards Not wanting a relationship i feel blech. but i tell them my truth and also that i feel open to meeting them. meaning i tell them i am dating until i find myself in a relationship that feels good and is what i want. i feel open to meeting you. but really i feel like i’ve written them off and am open to having them take me out. but hell no i’m not going to have sex with him.

    i feel sooooooo much of my anger regarding men coming up. is ok. if it comes up i can heal and then find my compassion and love for them again. i feel self loving.



  35.  #35heartbeat on March 4, 2009 at 5:36 pm

    Hey Terry – interesting-looking blog! I’m looking forward to reading more.

    I feel celebratory of all the gifts I receive on here. Thank you.



  36.  #36heartbeat on March 4, 2009 at 5:59 pm

    I just found a link on Terry’s blog that has me laughing my head off and feeling intrigued! Relationship advice from a MAN http://manslations.com/



  37.  #37heartbeat on March 4, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    Ugh I feel tired. I’m grumpy that we’re all on different time zones, so I feel like I’m here all by myself. Night night sirens, will catch up tomorrow. I’m looking forward to Rori’s next post 🙂



  38.  #38Daria on March 4, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    Heartbeat… I love the first posts of the manslations blog. That guy is RIGHT ON, and compassionate and funny too!



  39.  #39alias girl on March 4, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    i realized i am hug deprived. i have been hug / touch deprived my whole life.i was just driving along and it iht me.i want people who love me to hug me like they mean it. i had to pull over bc i started crying. my parents never hugged me. 🙁 and i’ve carried on the tradition. i’m not saying i never get hugs. i’m saying i’m severely under hugged. yae. i get to hug myself. yippee. i feel so angry. i feel grateful that this anger which has been in me my whole life is coming out to be healed. yae.

    yippee.

    i love my sarcasm. i love my mean voices. i love my new awareness about wanting to be touched. that actually feels really good. yae for real. aw. i feel good about that.



  40.  #40Linmayu on March 5, 2009 at 8:57 am

    I feel hug deprived too. My family is uncomfortable with touching and actually from the time I hit puberty pretty much until I met my husband, I refused to let anyone touch or hug me–even when I really wanted them to. And I feel angry–so angry, because no one should be in such a state. They say a woman needs to get 6 hugs a day; I get more like 6 a month. It feels so awkward and terrible to want to be touched and not even know how to go about doing it. I hate it.

    Well, I love that I can feel terrible about not getting what I need. At least SOMEONE can care enough about me to feel terrible. It’s a start.



  41.  #41Priscilla on April 3, 2009 at 9:51 am

    My outline:

    Relationship: Love, trust, commitment, excitement, caring, sharing, honesty, communication, closeness, loyalty, support, safety, happiness, connections, good feelings, sex

    Security: Home, money, work, business, decision-making, bonds, ties

    Meaning: What I do matters. Who I am is important. My contributions make a differences in my life and the lives of others. I am appreciated for who I am and loved just the way I am. I touch those around me. I belive in myself and I trust my beliefs, my feelings, my boundaries.

    Enjoyment: I feel good, silly, young, carefree, juicy, bouyant and radiant. I live in the moment. I embrace life. I am relaxed, calm, and at peace with the past, present and future.



  42.  #42Carenza on April 8, 2009 at 1:47 pm

    I feel so much joy reading all your posts – they heal me so deeply.

    This reminds me of when I was taking life drawing art classes with a fantastic art teacher.

    He used to say first start sketching in the outline and keep looking – if you see a mistake – dont worry about it- just sketch over what you have done with the correction. He used to say you dont even need to rub out the mistakes if you do them lightly to start with. When you have finished doing the outline then at the end you can pencil it in darker.

    Also he used to say when you have seen a mistake and you correct an angle or a shape in the outline – you can never go back to NOT seeing this. Like a rachet – that can’t come back down. You have seen it therefore you have seen it.

    Blessings x



  43.  #43Carenza on April 8, 2009 at 1:49 pm

    just needed to post again so i could click to be notified!!



  44.  #44Uschi on September 7, 2009 at 7:02 pm

    Sometimes I just don’t get it maybe I am just not into myself at all – just feels phony



  45.  #45Uschi on September 7, 2009 at 7:03 pm

    ooops forgot to click on Notify me of followup comments via e-mail