Heal Your Heart – Tell The Truth To A man

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Here’s another frustrating, heart-rending account from Bethany, who’s working with her natural impulses to hide what she’s feeling and be a doormat, following after this man:

Rori, Thanks all for your support…I felt so disappointed when…

…he texted me about going to this coffee shop today, and then when…

…I texted back a little later and said sure, I’m at…wherever I was, then…

…he texted back and said “oh shit, I’m already there.”

Well, there was no communication about what we were doing and I felt hurt…I want a guy to come pick me up!! And I didn’t text back, just went back to the apartment I’m staying at ready to pack up my shit and move home, I felt like I’d had enough.

Then he calls me and asks if I’m coming to meet him and…

…I said no, then he said are you going home and I said yes…and then I just poured out my stuff, I said…

I don’t feel like you and I want the same things, when you dance with other older married women in front of me it makes me uncomfortable but this feels really casual and I don’t like it and I want my happy ever after and I don’t know if you want that…

…then I ended up going over there and we talked in the car, and he said…

…I know i have one foot in and one foot out…i’ve been a shithead…sometimes I get lazy and want no obligations…he said he likes me but he doesn’t know how much he likes me…

…I said it doesn’t feel good to have one foot in and one foot out and he should figure it out but I can’t give all of myself to someone who’s not sure about me…

…he said “you want more certainty…” and…

…I said “yes…I want someone who knows that they want me…” I said I “feel like I love you” and it just popped out of my mouth, couldn’t help it, and…

…he said “ah, and kissed my hand…”

I feel really confused now. I feel good that I know where he is and what he can and cannot give me, and I know he knows he’s not where I want to be…but it feels sad, it feels like my heart is melting in a bad way, and it feels like ripping and tearing…but he asked me to go to a movie tonight…I think this may be our last “date” because I don’t know what to do other than pack up and move home…there just aren’t any job prospects here for me and I haven’t heard about any of the others I’ve applied for yet…

…I don’t know if he’s my boyfriend or not…but it doesn’t matter, he’s just what he is…I feel sad but I feel weird…my brain is working out all sorts of strategies for what if I stay and he changes his mind…blah blah blah, I feel tired.

My Answer:

Bethany, I know this is hard to see from where you are, but you’re miles and miles and miles ahead of where you were even a month ago, inside – your strength and ability to communicate and tell the truth.

You’re just being brilliant in how you’re speaking to him, you’ve learned how, you’ve been so brave – and it’s just remarkable – and of course you feel crappy.

And of course we still have to work on things like NOT  “going over there…”

But this isn’t an end to anything.

As we’ve been saying all along – right now the JOB is what comes first.

It will take you to where you’re going to live, and give him the motivation he needs to come after you.

If staying home while you sort through your job prospects and ways to make a living, and exploring the world and your options a bit is your best bet emotionally and financially – DO IT!

Just keep taking steps in a direction that feels good, and then see what happens and how you feel after that…

Love, Rori

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