Healing Hearts By the Holidays

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brokenheart200I asked my friend Lisa Steadman, who’s an expert on breakup recovery, to write a post for us, and here it is:

Lately, I’ve become singularly focused. I want to help as many women as possible heal their hearts by the upcoming holiday season.

Why is this so important to me?lisa-steadman

Because I know how energy-depleting life can be when you’re suffering from an extended case of the breakup blues.

And I also know how uplifted, energized, and empowered you can feel when you step out of the pain of the past and into your hopeful future.

Five years ago, I was in the extended throes of my Big Breakup, a misery so intense and addicting that I chose to stay stuck for a good year. During that time, I woke up to the painful truth that I hated my job, where I lived, the man I was involved with, and, in general, my life.

Not only that, but my body started breaking down. I developed tendinitis in both forearms, the kiss of death for a professional writer.

Between the emotional pain of my breakup, the physical pain of tendinitis, and the bondage of my impossible boss, I wanted to give up. I wanted to shut down.

If there had been a reboot button on my brain, I would have pushed it. Repeatedly.

But there wasn’t.

People often ask me how I found the strength to go from grieving the loss of my dysfunctionally addictive relationship, living in a condo I hated, working at my once dream job turned nightmare, in daily physical pain to the life I now lead…

Happily married, living in my dream home, with a fulfilling career as a relationship coach and best-selling author.

Here’s my simple, honest answer…

The day came when staying stuck became more painful than the idea of changing and moving on.

I can’t tell you the exact day when it happened. But it did. And within months of awakening to my truth (that staying stuck was worse than letting go and moving on), I quit my job, went cold turkey with my ex, rented out my condo, and moved to my dream neighborhood. Within a year, I met the wonderful man who is now my husband. I got my first book deal. And I started coaching women on how they, too could walk away from the pain of the past and into their beautiful future. Woohoo!

So back to my singular mission. As I look at the calendar and see that there are just four months left in 2009, I realize that anyone suffering from a broken heart has two choices right now:

– Buckle down, face the pain, and walk step by step through their healing journey
– Or hold onto their ex for dear life, stay stuck, and feel completely lost, miserable, and alone until New Year’s Eve (and into 2010)

It’s as simple as that.

And my mission is equally simple.

If you’re ready to walk away from a life that no longer works for you…

If you’re tired of heartbreak being your best friend, and instead want to step into hope, healing, and happiness…

If you want 2010 to be the incredibly blissful year you deserve, not yet another year you suffer through, because there’s no reboot button on your brain…

Then I urge you to join my mission. Heal your heart by the holidays by following these simple steps:

1. Exorcise your ex from your online and off-line life (completely!)
2. Recruit your Boohoo Crew to support you through 2009 and into 2010
3. Practice self forgiveness daily
4. Create new rituals for yourself so that you’re NOT constantly thinking I wish what’s his name was here…
5. Take your focus off of what’s next for your ex and instead put it on your own hopeful, happy, fantastic future

Lisa has a great free newsletter, and has an 8 Week Heal Your Heart TeleClass coming up. If you’d like to find out what Lisa can do for you…just go here: http://www.lisasteadman.com/breakup-bootcamp. Her promise is that by New Year’s Eve, you will have gone from Boohoo to Woohoo! I’ll be interviewing Lisa for January in my Relationship Expert Series (January is pretty much National Breakup Month…), and I know she’ll be able to help you.

Love, Rori

69 Comments

  1.  #1Tina on September 16, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    My intense feelings of getting him back, are pretty much over. I now feel I dont want him back, there is still a part of me that anticipates seeing him again, How will I feel when I see him? I visualize seeing him again, I run the scenario over and over in my head. Is this a natural process or am I still obsessing? Have I always felt this way? has it just come to full surface now? and Iv’e always felt this way?



  2.  #2Tina on September 16, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    I’ve taken every possible measure to duck and dodge him, if only to save myself from myself. Now what? What message did he have for me? I cant duck and dodge him for the rest of my life. I feel embarrassed like when I first found out my feelings of loneliness and sadness where at the core of my attraction to him, that I allowed and “hired” him to validate my feelings of loneiness, sadness, and low self worth. Yes, I do still feel “the pull” even though I know I cant/wont want him back. I do my best to see it as a lesson, he is my teacher/messanger. I feel resentment towards him about this. I’ll work on this part, the resentment part.



  3.  #3Aldonza on September 16, 2009 at 2:25 pm

    Yeah, I needed to read this today. It really can be as simple as making the choice to walk away and arranging your life around not having him in it.



  4.  #4Tina on September 16, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    I can actually feel myself feeling better as I typed “I feel resentment, I’ll work on this.” I feel like I’m giving him more credit than he deserves (as a teacher), my false sense of pride gets in the way. I can feel my chest starting to puff out, holding my breath in my ribcage, refusing to release it for fear of “telling the truth” and being honest” the world didnt end, I’m still alive, I can feel my feelings. I need better teachers lol.



  5.  #5Lisa Steadman on September 16, 2009 at 7:38 pm

    Thanks for posting this, Rori! I am soo excited to lead the charge in helping women heal their hearts and get on with their beautiful lives. Woohoo!

    I invite anyone reading this to send me their questions @ Lisa@LisaSteadman.com. I’ll answer as many as I can in my new ongoing video blog, launching Monday.



  6.  #6Tracy on September 16, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    Thanks Rori for this post…
    I am finally letting go of my past addictive affair and making a fresh start….i feel scared even just admitting it…but i deserve better and even better still i feel that i deserve better….
    I finally tapped into the first memory of how i found myself trapped in this relationships where i had to keep on working and doing everything…i feel amused at how everything is so connected and how my childhood beliefs shape my present reality….
    I am starting a fresh and creating new happy and pleasant realities…i feel excited about that…and i am redefining my past beliefs…at least those i feel that need to be changed….Totally in love with this new me…



  7.  #7Daria on September 17, 2009 at 12:12 am

    I’m learning about forex trading. I just ate a whole bunch of chocolate. I was wondering why, but I think its cuz my peezy is coming. Yay I love my peezy hehe… new moon on the 17th-18th



  8.  #8Aggy on September 17, 2009 at 12:36 am

    This letting go process sounds easy when reading but practising is a challange which we need to be brave enough to face.
    I read a comment in this blog which realy encouraged me, about us being our source of what we realy want.
    Love, peace, happiness, power and all the virtues are what we want or what we look for in life.
    If you know this one truth that you/me are the source for all this, then we/I do not need anyone (a man) to make me feel love or happy or peaceful….hope am making sense here

    Let’s try this
    Close your eyes….breath in n out 3 times….. concentrate on the breathing….. then tell yourself
    I am my own source of love…. love comes from within me….. I do not need anyone to feel love….I only need myself and the divine authority ( God)
    Feel this love into each and every part of your body…. just let it flow upto your toes and fingerprints
    feel the feeling
    do the same with the other virtues peace, happiness, power, ability, courage
    I learnt this from my teacher ( spiritual stuff)
    hope it helps

    let us all know from deep within us that we do not need anyone at all to feel loving, peaceful or happy

    Love you all
    Aggy



  9.  #9alias girl on September 17, 2009 at 1:49 am

    thanks aggy i felt a deep breath feeling just reading your comment and exercise. i believe life is reflecting back to us what is inside us. so if i feel lovey dovey inside i can project it unto an object or circumstance or person and assign it as an attribute to any of those things. or tell myself those things are a catalyst or reason for my happiness but I CAN SPONTANEOUSLY BURST INTO A HAPPY FEELING RIGHT NOW AND FEEL LOVE AND GET EXCITED OR ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT SOMETHING. I CAN MAKE MYSELF LAUGH. HAHAHAHAHHHAHHHAHHHA AND then the emotions sort of follow the wave of that.

    i am doing it. i am creating it. also i believe i am the great magnetizer so if i feel pure feelings of joy and prosperity etc then my outer world will soon be reflecting that.

    this is what i know to be true for myself.

    hey i had a really really fun date today and we went up to the top of sunset plaza and looked at the city viwe all the way down to downtown los angeles. and we went to the park in beverly hills and saat by the fountain and played frisbee and laid in the grass. and then we stopped and did a quick errand for myself and we went to jamba juice. he was so sweet and gentlemanly.

    i am the same age as his mom. aw. isn’t that something. he is 21 years old. TWENTY ONE YEARS OLD! whatevs. the date FELT GOOD. and i honestly felt ok that well you know it is what it is.

    and we held hands. i haven’t held hands with a guy i feel attracted to in forever. in sooooooooooo long. i felt so good everytime he reached for my hand. 🙂

    and we kissed. but that was it for me (did i mention he was 21) i’m like look i know you’re 21 and have sex on the brain 24/7 but i don’t want to have sex too fast because i get really attached and i don’t want to do thatt to myself because then i’l feel bad. plus i don’t want to have sex until i know what i would be getting attached to. i don’t really know you or who you are and etc

    at one point when we were in the park after frisbee he asked if i would be his girlfriend. i said ok. not really knowing if he was serious but if he was well ok. if not well ok.

    but then later i got really confused and suddenly felt very not good. i asked him if this person in his life was his girlfriend and he said yes.???? no i said does that woman think she is your girlfriend and he said yes.

    one of the first things he asked me in the day was if i had a boyfriend and i said no just dating. i asked if he had a girlfriend and he had said no.



  10.  #10alias girl on September 17, 2009 at 1:58 am

    he said the last girl he dated was four months ago and they had dated for four months.

    so i feel confused. so then at the end of the day after i asked that and he answered yes i suddenly felt like throwing up. i said i don’t feel well. he said i know i can see it in your face. i said i needed to go. he said he had just been kidding that he didn’t have a girlfriend. and so at that point i was completely confused because i couldn’t tell what was true anymore.

    did i metion he is 21 yrs old? so it could be something stupid a man (of any age really) would do as some sort of prank. but since my history has a slice of that situation in it i just felt ill.

    so i left. and i told him i probably wouldn’t be hanging out with him anymore.

    so i went to church and had a lovely time at the weds service.

    and later he called me no less than 25 times in two hours. (only two voicemails.) he said he was kidding and he can prove she is not his girlfriend.

    uh yeah we can prove it by me having a short one sentence convo with her.

    so i don’t know. i feel confused. i had a really great time.but i don’t want freaking negative drama in my life.

    i feel confused. which is why i didn’t take his call (s).

    i will probably have more clarity and feel more sure one way or the other. but there were times during the day when i would look at him or he’d be looking at me and i’d think “is this Him?”



  11.  #11alias girl on September 17, 2009 at 2:03 am

    i get really attached without sex. heck. i started going out with a guy. found out he was cheating on me. then broke up with him all in one day. 🙂 wow.



  12.  #12Daria on September 17, 2009 at 2:29 am

    I can forex trade with 25 dollars. yay. i just learned a lot about it.

    I love numbers , and i did this on paper, i have my practice account to practice with now hehe
    yay



  13.  #13Daria on September 17, 2009 at 2:38 am

    hey you know that guy who had a baby did take care of that financial thing, and inwardly i felt it must be so cuz i asked angels, but more outwardly i was freaking out and called him everyday almost and it was dampening my whole mood and focus that i couldnt get through…

    eventually i called his mom’s phone which felt agonizing and then i got a call back from him

    well i felt angry even though he apparently had taken care of the stuff even BEFORE i started calling (but did not pick up or tell me)

    so i was talking loud, yelling, and he said who are you yelling at, and i said… “im yelling at you” but i was kinda joking…

    i thought he would say something cute/sweet but instead he said… “well yell at yourself, Bitch” – he muttered the last part like to himself and hung up

    OUCH

    that hurt!

    i mean part of me was ecstatic that the financialy stuff is taken care of, and part of me feels furious at this treatment… and part of me feels really really sad… like im not good enough to be respected by someone who was my best friend for so many years… now i’m just a “nobody” that he can call a bitch! wtf! I feel like murdering him! (just a feeling please dont arrest me)

    help! help ?? not like aww poor daria but what is the message? or maybe poor daria is what i want here? it hurts and i feel like crying a little bit right now thinking of it

    i havent been focusing on it, it happened like 3 days ago, but throughout the day when i start feeling a little “off” it comes up for me!

    ouchh… i feel like bawling and throwing myself on the floor??



  14.  #14Daria on September 17, 2009 at 2:45 am

    I want to kill him! I am imagining him thinking about how I betrayed him!!! because I no longer go around or try to be in his life anymore…

    so he’s probably Hates me now… and ugh I let his little sister fuckin hit me because I had so much respect for him and his family i did not want to beat up his little sister… and he even protected me from her and he’s probably now thinking oh i cant believe i protected that Bitch from my sister, and telling his sister to beat me up!

    part of me wants to beat the hell out of his sister now, lol! she freaking blacked my eye! no one blacked my eye before like that, only her because I would not fight her HA i bet i would have beat her ASS! I can’t believe how MUCH I CARED ABOUT HIM AND HIS FUCKIN FAMILY!!! his parents are really nice btw… UGH HOW CAN HE TURN ON ME LIKE THIS!!

    I DONT WANT TO LET HIM TURN ON ME!!! I want him to be a good person like I know he is!!! I FEEL FURIOUS!!! I FEEL FURIOUS!!! I FEEL FURIOUS!!!!

    this whole sister thing happened a while ago, not right now in case anyone is wondering. must sound like some major drama lol

    I feel amused.

    anyway I felt very composed and “righteous” that I would not fight her. I felt very strong. But it also felt kinda traumatizing because getting hit is not fun, even if you are having an I will not fight you little girl because you are my friend’s sister attitude.



  15.  #15Daria on September 17, 2009 at 2:55 am

    I feel grossed out and bad because when he said yell at yourself I really heard that as a command. Like yes I SHOULD yell at myself, for being such a FOOL. Like he’s basically saying I FUCKED YOU OVER DUH! and omgosh I would not normally be STUPID enough to get fucked over this way, but for him I really had faith in and trusted him…

    except I did make that thought in my head that said well if i help him now it will probably ruin our friendship… and of course it manifested…

    Im gonna be more careful about those thouights… ugh…

    im having a hard time keeping “well he’s gonna die anyway” thoughts out now… I DO NOT want him to die because I feel mad and am having these thoughts. Thank you

    this other girl we knew got killed she used to be crazy about my other guy friend and stalk him and pop up out of bushes, and shoot (yes shoot a gun!) at him randomly… and he would tell me about it lol… and i would advise him that he must let her go

    and he kind of had a crush on me but then i was caught between deciding btwn him and guy who just had a baby above, and meanwhile my BEST FRIEND decided to get with him (even though she must have known i liked him) and I felt mad at her and stopped being friends with her after like 10 years of bestfriend ness…

    anyway she seemed like she didn’t respect me, and we made up but had another argument soon where it seemed like she didn’t respect me (she tried to say this other guy who i had dated, was NOT my man, because she knew this… and I said what? if i say he was my man, then he is, and basically who are you to tell me who is and is not my man, regardless of what he may be doing outside of that and what not) she was not saying like oh watch out for him but rather seem like she was just deciding that is Not my man… so i got really furious and after that well we weren’t close anymore. whatever i didnt’ feel like she respected me

    she almost kissed guy who just had a baby though she knew i was in love with him, and she’s like telling me… oohhh we almost kissed, but i didnt because of you… im like uhhh well what the fuck is Almost kissing anyway… thats already going too far

    ugh i feel mad

    i feel mad at all the fuckin people who screwed me over or tried to FUCK ALL OF YOU i am the GREATEST lol I feel sooo amused saying that

    I am the best rapper in the world!!! lol… i realy have to figure out how to get the “raps” or the voices out my head and into out loud

    that would feel awesome because they are sooo interesting

    loool

    i am so full of myself i love it



  16.  #16Daria on September 17, 2009 at 3:08 am

    you know one time back in the day, my girlfriend and i were hanging out with him and our other guy friend, and they did something messed up and stole from us…

    and we were in the car and mad, and tehy were acting like jerks probably cuz tehy felt guilty, and instead of saying something bad to them, I took them to eat and bought them food, and then GAVE them each 10 dollars!!

    purposely! to teach them a lesson… and it Worked! they looked really ashamed and were really nice afterwards to me… I think they even apologized

    lol

    I felt like Jesus!

    then another time me and that same girl had money together, and they did not like her, and my little brother stole the money, but he only stole HALF! lol! because he knew half was mine! that was hilarious and I felt really good !!

    I wound up giving her more money though at the time to cover her part anyway, because me and her were sharing at that time

    anyways she wound up marrying my boyfriend at the time because she was a scandalous nympho. She actually was a nympho and scandalous, that is she had a habitual lying disorder basically… but she was still a good friend, would help you out in need and very fun to hang with…

    well the marrying your boyfriend part didnt sit well with me and I did not continue being friends with her after that

    actually it was more than that, AFter she (or him) started making up lies about me because apparently she felt threatened that he would go back to me.

    blah

    this feels fun to write about for some reason… its just so INTERESTING…

    its DRAMA

    and i don’t even make it (ie im honest and kind), I just allow it to create around me apparently, cuz maybe I didn’;t stand up for myself at the right times, so the drama just starts boiling until it forces me to

    but now i am starting to stand up for myself way earlier and on time. thank goodness



  17.  #17Daria on September 17, 2009 at 3:12 am

    I really enjoy how i”ve had such dramatic episodes in my life , and also how now i have changed and am changing into being stronger and more self possessed

    part of that was my intense desire to be part of something, to have my friends no matter what, i held the vision of them being their best selves and being my friends no matter what, and most of the time they did fall in line with it, but it was me creating it

    i still want to create that, but i no longer want to endure humiliation for it. i want to create it in a way that feels totally Good. and without neediness and desperation



  18.  #18Daria on September 17, 2009 at 3:16 am

    I am so glad I love ME now! I am so glad I am healed and can be by myself without dispairing.

    I don;t feel lonely by myself! yes!!

    I did it! mostly with EFT and trauma release, super fast in about well a week? a month?

    but I started paving the road beforehand

    I felt sad hearing some Goddesses I talked to saying they don’t believe in quick fixes and scarlessness, perhaps that feels better to them at this time.

    I honestly do know from experience that I can heal “like this” Snap!

    and breathe

    I even think the big big thick caterpillar scar on my arm is gonna heal now. I can feel it healed on the inside



  19.  #19Maria on September 17, 2009 at 5:10 am

    wow, how empowering text from Lisa, what she´s been telling is exactly what l needed, she is not only talking about relationship, but also a job, neighbourhood and doing what u been dreaming of.
    sometimes doing what u been dreaming of isnt easy start. you are kind of like crossroads. l am. but in a way l feel excited. l belive that when u do whatu really like, also a right man will come….but l dont know, even if l dont meet him, my life shud be enjoyable?



  20.  #20emma on September 17, 2009 at 8:26 am

    “…you will have gone from boohoo to woohoo…”

    I just love that line, it really makes me smile and feel good.



  21.  #21tinque on September 17, 2009 at 8:50 am

    Aggy – that was lovely…
    xxoo



  22.  #22alias girl on September 17, 2009 at 9:47 am

    well having had a really good feeling sleep and waking up feel refreshed and grateful i am leaning towards not seeing that guy again. i feel good to have peace in my life. i feel really really great about having such a fun date and all the good things about it. i feel great that guys seem to be trewating me



  23.  #23alias girl on September 17, 2009 at 9:58 am

    oops

    that guys are treating me in a way that feels good. and i am able to lean back. almost naturally. (almost hehe there are times i want to override and just take charge hehe) but like yesterday we had stopped in the drugstore to get something to drink and when he handed me the drink it was warm. and i was like ugh. i said it’s not really cold. so he went into the cooler and took all the ones out in the row and handed me the one from the back . it was only like a nano amount cooler and i Really really wanted to say ugh let’s just go somewhere else . i mean that’s what i would have done on my own.

    but then i just felt like intuitively that the best thing to do would be whati did. whcih was say thank you. this is better. but i literally wanted to just sort of command the situation and say let’s go someplace else. like a command. i could feel the energy in my body.

    anyway

    so i will talk to him today and tell him i feel better not to see him anymore. i

    i really just don’t want weird drama in my life. and although well i just feel like doing that and not really even writing about it anymore.

    i feel good. thank you.

    thank you for a lovely time. thank you for such cool experiences i have been having. thank you for all these miracles the sirens ion this blog share about.

    thank you for my continuous expansion and good health and fun and love and prosperity.



  24.  #24Ann on September 17, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    Thank you Lisa and Rori for this post.



  25.  #25Daria on September 18, 2009 at 1:49 am

    For a long time, if not forever, I have not wanted to say the pledge of allegiance. I did not believe in it, and I did not love America. more recently, two days ago, we all stood to say it at toastmasters, and I was saying it, and speaking the words quite freely, and I did not feel the same. I felt like I connected with what is really america, rather than what I was seeing before.

    Then my mind spun this poem, or rather a speech, and I got it even more.

    I feel afraid of triggering, or being judged. and still, today I decided to write it out, and bring it from inside me to the outside, on my floating journal:

    Great native people of this land. I honor you. I hear your voice on the wind and feel your spirits from the mountains to the oceansides. Your wisdom encompasses the world. Because of you, our healing is coming. You have known for so long and wove the web across the times. Ever widening, ever healing, you have kept the fire of hope alive in the lonliest emptinesses, until the song of the earth would be heard in our hearts. You are the keepers of the planet. You are the wise ones. I, daughter of a proud people, honor you.

    To the mexican and peoples of the south. I see you. This land was walked and lived by you for long before. I see your features and your unassuming pride. You embraced change without threat to your ways, your soul and way of loving. You have known that you were and always will remain, ever uniting, ever familiar, ever resilient. Thank you. You are honored, and the world loves and celebrates you. Across the globe our people hear your music, watch your passion plays and love and feel. And feel at home. I thank you.

    To the black people. You among all people are Holy. Your beauty is awe. You have built this country. You inspire the world with your survival. Thank you gods and goddesses, for not destroying the world with your pain. You have endured more than Jesus could ask for. Do not think that you are not seen… I see you and I honor you.

    When the great wind left me here, and I lay on the desert ground, parched by the cracked waterbeds, sobbing dry tears of dust. I waited and waited to die, but death would not come, and I suffered. Here you found me, and though you did not know me, you gave me water. You showed me love and hospitality, and it is through you that I came to know this great land. For me, and for the juice of life you bring to the world, I daughter of a brave and proud people, am grateful.

    To the people that came, speaking a million tongues, with open hearts. To those who added their artwork to that of those before, with honor and without malice. I see you. I do not know if you were few or many that kept their heart open through the desert, but I have met you, the ones who are truly without judgement. To you I thank you for being the bridge.

    The closer I get to you, the more I quiver. I do not know wether you are few or many America, but I feel rage. And yet, I can feel your emptiness, the boring desperation that resides within, when your heart is not open. One time, while in a room, the strange thought struck me that, if I were to slice up these closed heart people, horizontally, there would be no blood, or organs. There would only be quivering slices of thick white jello, like the pillsberry dough boy. I feel so much anger and yes hatred towards you and yet… were you to somehow find the way to open your heart, I, and the other people of the world, enraged as we are, would forgive you.

    America. You must giggle to be called by such a name. Great land you are, and great your sacrifices and the change you hold your lap open for. Now, and more and more, I see you.

    I do not pledge allegiance, for I am not at war. But I, the daughter of a brave and proud people, honor you.



  26.  #26alias girl on September 18, 2009 at 2:08 am

    aw daria i felt so moved and so inspired and so touched and such compassion and opening
    until i got to america.

    i was so excited. i felt like wow this could be the beginning of her fantastic magical novel. wow. wow. WOW.

    until i got to the part about america. and then i shut down and wasn’t so interested in this voice anymore because i do not feel the voice of truth here. i feel emptiness and bitterness and rage.

    i feel weird that people hold unto a past that is not even thier own. hold unto a rage that is not even their own. hold unto a victimhood that is not even their own.

    perpetutating pain and war

    dividing the lines once again

    big bad america.

    i feel proud to be an american i am well aware of our flaws and our last clownish president that we had for eight years that by his deep unsciousness AWAKENED so many people across the world. thank you george bush. i honor you.

    the

    i am reminded of that cranberries song

    and their bombs and their wars…
    in your head in your head

    i don’t know the true meaning of the lyrics but it always struck me as a paradigm for life. the war is first in our head before it is ever perpetuated on the outside.

    zombie zombie zombie eee eee oo ooo oo oo



  27.  #27alias girl on September 18, 2009 at 2:17 am

    i feel curious what has america personally done to YOU?

    america has been so bad to YOU?

    america is so horribly mistreating YOU with their citizens of jello insides and nothingness and bleh?

    america has not held you up? opened you up? given you opportunity and freedom and safety?

    why would someone stay in such a terrible terrible place where they are being so mistreated?

    i could write pages more but i will stop because i will start just brining up stuff that well i just don’t want to bring up



  28.  #28Daria on September 18, 2009 at 2:23 am

    Alias girl I do not want to trigger you.

    I feel a lot of anger and judgement almost everyday. I am embracing a lot of me and that includes that rage i feel and that rage is my own when i feel it. It feels hot in my arms and to my face.

    It is not only in the past, although the past feels strong for me and brings me to the present. It is also in the present.

    I feel a lot of rage and I feel judged with the comment about people holding on to stuff that is not “their own.” I feel angry that someone else would think to decide for me what is my own and not.

    I feel glad that I am starting to open to myself and express myself and all my feelings rather than be quiet.

    I have not felt all hunky dory in my experiences living here. I am choosing to embrace all of me and I actually find I am moved more to compassion than before I felt it was ok to express myself.



  29.  #29alias girl on September 18, 2009 at 2:37 am

    daria i feel good to be triggered and trigger you. i do not want animosity though and can sometimes create it when i get triggered so please forgive me if that is the case and i feel open to hearing ]our reactions to my reactions etc.

    my belief system is that we are whole. i will speak for myself. my belief system is that i am whole. i can be connected to source or i can be Disconnected to source.

    rori says if we feel judged then we are judging.

    i feel i am vibrating at a certain frequency. i will attract people and situations that match that frequency. that is why i believe the wrold is perfectly fair and just.

    on another subject i was thinking about this whole scar healing thing and i really feel i am on to something exciting. with this focussing and loa and so it can work in the opposite.

    by Unfocussing. unfocuss from the scar. unfocuss from the tightness around money. seriously it will be far more beneficial for me to never give money another thought than to give the thoughts i am now or have been rather. now i feel good about it. but it would better for me to completely Unfocuss from money since my vibration in other areas of my life it would just sort of take care of itself.

    wow i feel like that was a paragraph of brilliance. people can feel frre to use my word unfocuss that i just made up and also feel free to mispell it as i did.



  30.  #30Daria on September 18, 2009 at 2:38 am

    I feel attacked and I do not want to feel attacked.

    There are plenty of “bad” things that have happened to me and people close to me that made me feel angry. Mostly they are related to racism, and opression. Some things are like: imprisonment, a whole lot. my phone has been open for many many jail calls. sometimes for silly things like yelling at someone. or being deported, or having parents being deported after 20 years of living here.

    social isolation, feeling powerless. Fear.

    I have not wanted to stay here. I have wanted to leave almost all of my life. Only now am I starting to open up and feel more love for this place.

    I have not usually felt held up. I have felt mostly isolated and desperate.

    I am starting to heal. I feel angry being attacked.

    I am not going to apologize for feeling angry. I have met enough people to see that there are all kinds of people here with their heart open.

    And I have seen people who are not, and I’ve felt angry at them and still do.



  31.  #31alias girl on September 18, 2009 at 2:41 am

    uh yeah brilliance if i wasn’t writing from my cell phone and could proof read before submitting it

    so the theory of brilliance is:

    it would probably be more beneficial for me to Unfocuss from money completey rather than to have a constant slew of negative thoughts and tightness about it. because my vibration is so high in other areasof my life the money would natrually take care of itself just be UNFOCUSSING from it.



  32.  #32alias girl on September 18, 2009 at 2:44 am

    Unfocuss.

    from

    that

    which

    i

    do

    not

    want.



  33.  #33alias girl on September 18, 2009 at 2:45 am

    mmm yes. i felt attacked as an american. mm i feel bad you feel attacked by my response to feel attacked.



  34.  #34alias girl on September 18, 2009 at 2:47 am

    i feel brilliant right now. wow. i mean not smart. i don’t feel smart. i feel brilliant. like i am letting the light shine through me effortlessly.



  35.  #35Daria on September 18, 2009 at 2:50 am

    I do not mean to attack you.

    I am saying that I honor the people I feel honor for.

    And I feel hatred and rage towards an undefined, even for me undefined, people that close their hearts and choose to opress others. I do not knwo exactly these people are, or what is going on with them, maybe they are aliens in pod people form. But i Do feel Very Angry.



  36.  #36alias girl on September 18, 2009 at 2:50 am

    like lil wayne said once

    i feel big

    not big like huge but collossal

    he might have been feeling the same thing at the time

    earlier today i talked to the guy i had a date with yesterday. i feel good to just follow my feelings about him and just take it as it comes.



  37.  #37alias girl on September 18, 2009 at 2:53 am

    ok i feel compassion. in your prose you named the wicked evilness of mankind americans.

    i do not want to attack you either but i will stand up for myself i feel attacked. so if i attacked i am sorry. i want to express my viewpoint. and i was trying to get at the truth.



  38.  #38Daria on September 18, 2009 at 2:58 am

    actually if I open up just a little bit more… I really feel that this land is open to all people. including me. so I am an american.

    that feels a little inch safer, because before I felt very thrown out. Like I was hearing “who are YOU to talk (ie what has america done to YOU) only I am an american and can talk about it, and YOU are not and therefore can’t shouldn’t so why stay here leave” that kinda feeling hurt, it felt scary and awful, and was kind of related to the icky feelings i’ve felt before

    like oh you immigrant leave, how dare you say you feel angry and that it doesn’t feel good here.

    I feel kinda powerful to own even More my idea that this land is open to ALL people, including me, and just because someone else feels angry doesn’t mean I don’t have a right to feel my feelings and express myself

    and they may feel attacked, but I do not want to attack them. I Still feel very angry at the things that feel awful.



  39.  #39Daria on September 18, 2009 at 3:01 am

    ohhh i c. hmm… i didn’t mean to name only those people america. all the people i named are america



  40.  #40Daria on September 18, 2009 at 3:03 am

    oops! that does get lost!! oh crap. I thought it would be obvious that all these people are America. aha

    well yes i suppose if that isn’t obvious then it seems like im honoring all these people randomly (although they do make up america) and then single out america as the people i feel angry at.

    no no no

    the WHOLE POINT is that all these honorable people are actually America, and NOT just the people I feel angry at

    that was my whole epiphany



  41.  #41alias girl on September 18, 2009 at 3:05 am

    no i just meant you personally goddess daria. your citizenship status was not at all ni my mind. my grandparents were immigrants. my date is an immigrant. america is made up of immigrants.

    i was asking to the you of daria.

    like black people teach their children the victimization that has come before so it can be perpetuated. that kid came in open and connected to source and is being Trained to feel rage victimization based on his skin color. wheras if he had not been trained that way he may never have magnetized those experiences for himself.

    i was not trained to feel the victimization of women so for a large part i do not experience it. except for the rape part. i was trained in that. but the inequality. it is not a part of my experience. thank you mom. that was one true good thing she gave me.



  42.  #42Daria on September 18, 2009 at 3:11 am

    maybe I’ll call them the people who think they own america or soemthing like that

    I feel my rage subsiding

    that actually feels better because I don’t want confusion about what I’m saying

    i want it to be very clear that THESE GROUPS MAKE UP THE REAL AMERICA + the people who think they own it (they’re part of it too)

    who I still feel compassion for even though sometimes my rage and hatred feelings feel enormous

    I feel excited about making this change in the poem. I feel really glad

    I felt MEGA triggered after posting lol instantly like I was afraid of but have handled my feelings well

    my fingers feel tight and adrenaline is still pumping from my pelvis up my spine to my face, and I still feel shaky, but I expressed myself

    and I felt attacked basically as bad as I thought I could be even triggered on the you are not welcome here leave and what do you know and who are you to say something and I still feel, well, alive



  43.  #43alias girl on September 18, 2009 at 3:11 am

    ooooooh yes. see i feel happy we discussed this. yes i read it that all people we divine and glorious except for americans who were complete ugh

    i felt bad about that. but i can see how maybe you were going for something else. see i thought you were talking about the people of the world (and wondered why you left so many out) but i see i see more clearer now

    daria the part that felt good is soooo beautiful i really see it as a beginning to your warrior magic story.



  44.  #44Daria on September 18, 2009 at 3:20 am

    I feel really triggered by the black people teach children victimization statement. I feel incredulous.

    I when I was raised was taught about my history. I can say that to me and other people in my culture, I still feel to some point upset by things that happened to us THOUSANDS of years ago, when the romans conquered the dacian people. It still feels relevant. It’s part of our spiritual makeup.

    So I would feel INCREDIBLY triggered by traumatic things that would have happened only a few generations ago.

    Also, and very importantly, people are still racist and people are being opressed NOW. TODAY. not just in the past.

    One of the biggest shocks for me when I came here as a child was that I was watching TV and basically learned that racism was over. in the past, over, everyone is happy now.

    but wow SHOCK. That is not what i see going on AT ALL. NOT AT ALL. It was a lie and I still feel traumatized from when I realized that.

    And nobody taught me any victimization. I just felt it on my own.

    Just like no one taught me that we would feel totally isolated and it would feel like lying in a desert wishing to die.



  45.  #45alias girl on September 18, 2009 at 3:26 am

    hmm. yes. well i have a certain belief system and other people have different belief systems. i feel people are perpetuating pain but that is just my belief system if i look into any babies eyes i can clearly see he is not connected to the pain of his ancestors. he is in the moment. the now. connected to love.

    that is my belief system what i live by. i respect other people have acquired different beliefs based on their experience and what they were taught and how they sorted through all that information in my mind.

    i believe in heaven on earth. for those who choose it.



  46.  #46Daria on September 18, 2009 at 3:36 am

    I believe most parents try to actually protect their children from pain, rather than instill victimization but at some point the outside world will affect them.

    Maybe they would have the same shock that I had, and then the parent will have to find some way to explain to them the truth as they understand it.

    I don’t “think” a lot of parents Consciously instill victimization in children.



  47.  #47Daria on September 18, 2009 at 3:37 am

    I too believe in heaven on earth. I feel glad to be able to face, embrace and speak my pain to reach my truth and heaven yay.



  48.  #48alias girl on September 18, 2009 at 3:38 am

    i know other people’s belief systems are as valid to them as mine are to me. i feel good to allow them their and be allowed mine.



  49.  #49alias girl on September 18, 2009 at 3:52 am

    i feel super duper sleepy. sorry to all the sirens who are going to come to the blog tomorrow. see this conversation, and be like wtf is that and what has it got to do with me finding a good good man???

    mmm. maybe i will not pursue political discussions in the future here.

    and yet i completely want to say i feel great about our exchange daria and i feel i understand you more now and also i feel honored that you shared a part of your novel with us. 🙂 i can’t wait to read the whole epic magical adventure!



  50.  #50Cassandra on September 18, 2009 at 12:54 pm

    Rori…I am not sure how I missed this post the other day. I was sitting here thinking about my impending move, the heartbreak that I feel of moving from what was supposed to be my last stop and my HOME (& I don’t just mean this house…I mean with Charles wherever we were going to be) and all of that stuff and I happened to look over at your list on the side of the posts and found the section on break-ups. This was the first post that I came up so here I am.
    This is exactly how I feel right now…..
    ‘a misery so intense and addicting’. I KNOW byeond a shoadow of a doubt that this relationship is BAD for me. period. I think we all know that. part of me still wants to know if you think that Charles is just plain toxic to the bone or is he one of those that can ‘get it’. I can’t wait to get my Toxic Men order! It just can’t come fast enough! I don’t want to go on feeling like I am always dangling by a string and every once in a while he throws me a bone of good behavior and kindness. I feel totally and utterly addicted is exactly the right word for it. Addicted. I feel like I keep going back for more just in case it may be the good stuff but each time except for here and there I get hit over the head with a bat emotionally. I feel stuck…like I can’t move or breathe or think. I can’t and don’t want to do this anymore. I want to go into my new place….MY NEW PLACE WITHOUT CHARLES….MY OWN new place with a sense of excitement and not fear….hope and not sadness…..confidence and not feeling like I was to blame for the demise of what I thought was my future.

    1. Exorcise your ex from your online and off-line life (completely!) – What do you mean here? Just STOP all contact completely? No calls, texts, etc? What if he has signed up on a site that I may have signed up on when ready to start circular dating?? What do I do if he is on the same site?
    2. OK.
    3. Practice self forgiveness daily – working on this. I don’t know how to get it out of my head that I didn’t cause this and that I still feel that I want him to call me when I move. I still feel that I want him to miss me and it feels awful to feel that way. I don’t know how to shift that to NOT wanting to hear from him. Any suggestions here? This feels HUGE to me. I feel that once I can shift this to not wanting to hear from him I will be more on my way to being over him.
    4. Create new rituals for yourself so that you’re NOT constantly thinking I wish what’s his name was here…
    I don’t necessarily think that I wish he was here although I may when I move….I DO however think about when things were great….when we were happy and I constantly wonder what I did to change his mind about us getting married. now I know that it would not be good for us to BE married but I am always thinking about …what did I do to make him NOT want me anymore?

    5. Take your focus off of what’s next for your ex and instead put it on your own hopeful, happy, fantastic future. I feel so much fear about this. I do catch myself wondering if he will be married to someone else within the next 4 months or crap like that. How do I shift these thoughts?

    I DO NOT want to go into the next year with him on my horse or anywhere near us. This is my absolute favorite time of the year and I don’t want to spend it in pain, hurting and wondering what I did wrong. Does anyone have any suggestions??



  51.  #51Cassandra on September 18, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    Tracy….I feel so so excited and happy and supportive of you. I feel hope and reading your post actually made ME feel better too. Thank you and congratulations congratulations congratulations. You DO deserve better and I feel so excited for you!!

    Aggy…I also tried your breathing xcercise and I did feel better. Thank you for sharing that!! “-)

    Daria..your poem/ speech was absolutely beautiful and moving. It felt so powerful and all encompassing for me and I love it. beautiful. It felt like a beautiful gift. thank you. While I personally DO love America and feel deeply proud to be an American I feel a deep sense of honor and respect for your feelings and what you wrote and how you wrote it. I feel love and admiration for how you shared your feelings yet respected all. Beautiful.

    AG…I feel respect also for how you too shared your feelings and I feel so happy to see you opening up and expressing yourself. It makes me feel happy and hopeful. I want to get where you and Daria are….and I will.



  52.  #52Linda on September 18, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    One Step at a Time

    This is all we can take. Leaving a place in our minds that binds us to what isnt is hard. All I can do is take one step.

    Some steps I have been taking is, following Good Thoughts. It is revelutionary to me. I think all the time. But if the thought does not feel good, I wont let it roost in my head like before. The post from Alias girl a couple of threads back helped me so much.

    Tonight is Friday. I used to dwell on the fact I had nothing to do and was alone. … Tonight, I went shoe shopping because it made me happy. I tried on all kinds of shoes. Stuff I would have not normally considered before…. it was fun. I had on some great new jeans. I tried on stilletos and flats, animal prints, you name it. I did not buy any but had fun anyway. I dwelt on some great comments I got from co-workers today. One lady stopped me in the hall. She said, Linda, those jeans look really good on you… infact you look hot!. She was not hitting on me… lol but I took it as a grand comment. I had a patient at work tell me I had a great personality this morning!…. I thought about those things.

    In fact, let me tell you what I an noticing. It is great. This last guy I was with for a while was toxic. Always picking at something about me. hair, glasses, clothes, put my car down etc. That stuff kinda just stuck in my head and made me feel put down. It was all draining and not uplifting at all. I have been detoxing for the last 3 weeks. I am feeling better, more like myself, finding my mojo again.

    Following the good though bread trail is actually fun to me now…. it has lifted my spirits and it is like I am investing in me and it feels good. As for the stuff that was said to me and stuck in my brain? I have noticed something amazing…. The very things that I have been put down about have been specifically addressed by almost complete strangers. I have received complements all week. The interesting thing is they have addressed exactly what needed to be boosted or deposited into my life and self confident bank account.

    I got my new glasses, they make me feel like making eye contact with people. Flirting through eye contact has been fun with guys this week. At the dentists office this week, someone randomly said…. your hair looks so nice! and you have lost soo much weight, you look great!!…. later at the grocery, a man looked at me so long that he was not watching where he was going and walked into the door. When I looked back he was still turned around watching me. (i giggled and felt really good all the sudden) Yesterday I walked in to register a patient at work. FIrst one of the day. 5:40AM…. the patient said, first thing after I introduced myself… hey you smell really good. I thanked him and said, well “I showered this morning LOL”… he said, well you look fantantasic too…. then today, a patient said.. “you have a a great personality, it was a pleasure to meet you”… then my co worker commenting on my jeans….even my new co worker said she was looking forward to working with me because she could feel a calming, confident presences in me…. WOW….. It is like, God has sent me messengers with specific messages to bolster the areas I was picked at over and over and depositing back into them where I was so depleated. I start my new job on Tuesday. The stress from the old one is starting to sluff off. …… I have just had a healing week in many ways…

    I am following good thoughts, ones that make me feel good and happy. I am learning a new skill. Yeah I still have him in the back of my mind at times.. but he is not driving my brain. I am controlling it now. It feels better all over….

    Hugs… Linda



  53.  #53alias girl on September 19, 2009 at 12:16 am

    YES! LINDA! I WOULD DO BACKFLIPS IF I COULD!!!! yae! i feel very happy for you!! 🙂



  54.  #54gina on September 19, 2009 at 12:37 am

    awwwe I feel sad for america. I have been feeling love for this country so much lately. Not for what it is but for the ideal that it represents. i hope that we can manifest the ideal that our forefathers set forth, but did not fulfill themselves. Land of the free, home of the brave. All men are created equal. Government (supposed to) protect life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness. Liberty. Individual responsibility. I absolutely LOVE the concept of America, and I am deeply saddened and angered by the ways that those in power have abused their privilege. I hope that America will finally move towards the fulfillment of the declaration of Independence.



  55.  #55heartbeat on September 19, 2009 at 1:46 am

    Linda – what a fabulous week, I feel really happy reading about it! I feel amazed how things turned up to heal you; and I relate to the ‘bread trail’ of feel-good thoughts (I love that, what a great way you put it!).

    I feel pretty amazing reading how you turn yourself around, yeah I’m going to do that today. Not that anything is going wrong, just that I’m dog-tired and that’s when I can slip into a habit of feeling tense, and then my brain gets a chance to hunt around for matching stinker thoughts. I will take over operations and scan for good ones. xxx

    I love my red hair. Redheads are ace 🙂



  56.  #56Tracy on September 19, 2009 at 3:16 am

    Cassandra,
    so glad to have your ever sweet encouraging words here again…..i feel so happy to hear from you again……
    I feel glad you are getting a place of your own and getting ready to start afresh……I feel encouraged by your words…
    I have a challenge letting go of past experiences and relationship and i know how hard that can be and i feel compassion for you….i just realized that the reason i hang around my past so much is because i am afraid to make decisions….so i lie in between being indecisive and it creates an anxiety that just drives me insane…but i cannot still decide…
    My last EX was not good for me…i knew that…but i just could not bring myself to decide on what to do about it…He made the last move to keep off after i voiced concerns that i felt tired of the uncertainty surrounding us and i wanted to date other people and meet new men and see how to go from there….it was not as strong as I’d have wanted it to be but i am glad i let go and i am taking this opportunity to improve myself and work on me and i am dating other guyz…I’d already started actually and i feel much better…
    I just bought a journal and i intend to write down my boundaries and i intend to decide on how my life will go on from here…i am mapping it out and it will be beautiful….Much love for you….keep on with the baby steps…..you’re getting there..



  57.  #57Tracy on September 19, 2009 at 3:17 am

    Linda,
    Wow….your post was a really great example of how we should move from one great feeling to the next….thanks for reminding me that….



  58.  #58Paula on September 19, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    It’s been over 2 years and I’m still not completely over him. I spend a lot of energy thinking about him and his new relationship. But I’m not in contact with him anymore (Yay!).

    I signed my Declaration of Independence today and have it stuck to my fridge. I like it! It reminds me to forgive myself and expect respect but…..

    I feel so hopeless about ever meeting another man. I have signed up on some dating sites but I don’t want to initiate contact with a man. I get lots of interest from guys 20 years younger than me but that’s not what I want. I had some emails from a nice guy but he wouldn’t send me a photo so I stopped contacting him. Any tips on how to do this internet thing???

    I’ve had years of heartache now and really want 2010 to be better.

    Love to all



  59.  #59alias girl on September 19, 2009 at 1:02 pm

    hi paula. i feel good you shared and that you are here. and yae for you declaration of independence! yae! today is your committing to yourself, your wellbeing and Your Happily Ever After!

    i’m not sure if you have rori’s circular date program but it has a whole section on internet dating. wheen i initi’ally started i initiated contact because nothing was going on and i just wanted to start things going. after awhile men started contacting me and i didn’t initiate. i just started practicing feeling messages with all the men. which is really the point of circular dating. rori calls it free therapy. 🙂

    you have started and taken your first baby steps. you have posted on here for help. another baby step. things can turn around really quick. i feel supportive.



  60.  #60Linda on September 19, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    Hi Paula

    The internet is something I have been dealing with. I got on 3 different sites at the beginning of the year in hopes to find someone. Now I just use one free site as a circular dating resourse.

    Circular dating is a great way to help us shake loose from old bonds. Free therapy , free messages, a close up look at men with the same hang ups and insecurities wounds and baggage that us women have! lol It helps you learn about yourself, set boundries that feel good, and occupies your mind.

    I will say one thing for sure. There is an endless supply of men out there. Use it a resorce and dont place your hope in it and dont let it control you. Keep it real, be real and focus on things that make you feel good and feel happy. You will find yourself unstuck real soon.

    Linda



  61.  #61Paula on September 19, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    Thanks Linda and Alias Girl,

    I feel more hopeful already!

    I find it hard to believe that there are men everywhere. I feel ashamed if I flirt with a guy and he responds. And then he turns out to be married or too young.

    So maybe I just need to enjoy it and not become attached to any outcome? And not demean myself in anyway (as Rori says).

    I’m quite interested in the concept of having a High Degree of Difficulty and not being the ‘Good Woman’. Wow, that’s what I’ve been all my life – the caring, listening, reasonable, flexible, therapist/doormat. It’s such a leap for me not to fall back into that pattern – the ‘carer’ and the fixer of his wounds.

    Baby steps I suppose….



  62.  #62Lisa Steadman on September 19, 2009 at 3:10 pm

    Wow, Ladies, I love the inspired and powered words you’re sharing here. I love the call to heal your hearts! And I love the desire to take care of and love YOURSELVES. That is the first step. To your continued success!

    xoxo,

    Lisa



  63.  #63Cassandra on September 20, 2009 at 8:08 am

    Tracy….thank you so much for your post and encouragement. I felt support and love coming from your words….thank you!! I feel so glad that you too got away from that man that was not good for you and I feel inspried by your experience.

    Linda….Reading your post…I felt excited and happy for you as welll!! I join AAG in her back flips for you and I feel so happy that you are getting all of the uplifting messages that I hope will erase all of the bad ones that you received in your relationship. I am going through what you did but I am moving out on Oct. 1st. I feel inspired and hopeful reading your post.



  64.  #64Linda on September 20, 2009 at 9:43 am

    Cassandra, you go girl. Moving out is the first step. A great one for you. It has been a long time coming. It is hard to do the things that are best for us sometimes because there are so many other competeing feelings. Sifting through them and getting the root of us under all of it takes time.

    You will most likely find days when you are not feeling hopeful or strong at all. Dont turn back stay the course. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, stand still and take a deep breath. It is even okay to just not move. Change is hard, feelings will conflict and nip at you. Remember through it all that you did something different, and now you can expect a different result than before.

    There are days I feel scared, petrified ! There are other days where I feel sexy and independant and beautiful ! There are days I feel lonely and am tempted to crawl back to where I was because I am not experienceing what I want right now. Then I remember to respond to things around me and within me not react….think through them.. then I remember why I left in the first place and what made me so unhappy. Time does not necessairly heal wounds, but it gives us opportunity reflect and learn. You are not alone in making changes in your life that have long been necessary.

    You are not alone.

    Linda



  65.  #65Tracy on September 20, 2009 at 11:21 am

    Yay…Linda….i am having one of those days when i feel like crawling back to my past….giving in and feeling lonely…
    I am reminding myself of the progress i have made and that i have to be strong…thanks for reminding me that…
    I feel confident that for me to attract the situation that feel good for me i have to look forward and have faith…..



  66.  #66Cassandra on September 20, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    WOW…Linda thank you!! I loved your post as a matter of fact…I just printed it out, cut off the extra empty page part and stuck it in my purse to carry with me for when I am in one of those places where I don’t feel strong and confident and want to crawl back to where I am moving from. Last night, I soooo had one of those nights where I felt so so so deeply lonely and alone and scared and all of that stuff. It was hard. I had no one to call and talk to and I couldn’t move. I just physically could not move. I felt immobilized so I did nothing but take my bath and crawl into bed. I didn’t even eat dinner. All I could do was cry. I feel happy that the next time I have one of those nights/ days/ moments that I can come here or pull your post out of my purse and read it over and over. Tracy….PRINT IT OUT!! If I could print it out and send it to you..I WOULD love!! You have made so much progress and I feel so deeply proud of you!! You deserve so so so much better and you WILL have it and KNOW in your heart that you deserve it!! I can’t wait for that time and I feel excited about that for both of us!! Linda I feel so excited that you are in such a beautiful place!! Thank you!! With so much love…..
    Cass



  67.  #67Linda on September 20, 2009 at 8:10 pm

    You are welcome Cass. We have seasons in our life that we wish we could fast forward through.But if we did then we would miss something important, something that will make us better, stronger, or more self aware.

    I am so glad I share something that was meaningful to you. We are both in a beautiful place, even when we are scared and crying alone in our bed at night. You want to know why? We are in process, not stuck, or staying the same. My tears are watering the seeds that I have planted that will grow into my new future. I call it my growning season. The fruit that will come from it will be sweet and nourish me.

    Healthy things grow
    Growing things change
    Changing things challenge

    Think of a worm that forms its cocoon, and later immerges as a beautiful butterfly…. The process cant be rushed or circumvented…or the butterfly will not immerge. It takes time…. I identify with this because I too am in process of change and growing into this new beautiful creation. You my dear are too!

    Hugs to you!

    Linda



  68.  #68Linda on September 20, 2009 at 8:19 pm

    Tracy… be encouraged. You have made so much progress. It is wonderful to know that I am not in this alone. Your posts often inspire me. Your vunerablilty and willingness to share helps me accept my humaness.

    You too are becoming a beautiful butterfly.

    Hugs Linda



  69.  #69Tracy on September 22, 2009 at 7:21 am

    Linda,
    Thank you……I feel more encouraged and its amazing how others see a progress in us that we sometimes fail to notice in ourselves…Hugs!