Healthy Arguments Equals Good Marriages

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marriagePhyllis Chase is my September Interview With A Relationship Expert – and she’s just one of my favorite people. She’s smart, she’s funny, she’s kind, and she’s so experienced and talented a therapist that Dr. Phil refers to her. I asked her to write us an article – and this one is GREAT! :

Healthy Arguments = Good Marriages

The number one predictor of divorce is the avoidance of conflict

By Phyllis Chase, MA, MF

Here’s the bottom line: every relationship has issues. It’s just a matter of how you deal with them.

You might think your friends who are constantly yelling or complaining are on the verge of breaking up but in fact, the number one predictor of divorce is the avoidance of conflict.

Hey, nobody likes conflict.

Healthy marriages have healthy arguments.

Conflict resolution is the most important skill for couples to learn.

Couples counseling can teach those skills. What if we considered having a touchy conversation so we never get to conflict? Yet most of us, avoid. Never the right time.

It’s all about learning to listen. If we didn’t get defensive when our partner is upset, we could hear them. If our partner didn’t label us or blame us, that would make it easier. So right here, you can see how conversations get heated, people triggered and shouting or shut down can so easily happen.

Couples don’t understand how to fix it and what an easy fix it can be so they avoid therapy because they are afraid the therapist will tell them it’s hopeless or one of them is crazy. They know the consequences of divorce is devastating, to the entire family and financially treacherous.

Working with couples is one of the most challenging but also one of the most rewarding. In the sixteen years I have been in practice I have learned that education on the stages of relationships, communication and the influences of childhood is very powerful and healing. I love seeing those changes and witnessing the courage and commitment couples express by coming to therapy.

Here are a few sample cases.

One divorced couple came to see me; the wife was so angry she was screaming at him within minutes. They came in to try to heal their relationship for the sake of co-parenting their 8 year old.

In the first session, she casually mentioned something about their sex life when they were newly married. I said the way you communicated your dissatisfaction was the moment your marriage went south. They both went silent, stunned by the truth. We worked together for a while and they even got romantic for a time. They said they wouldn’t be divorced if they had come to me sooner.

A newlywed couple comes to my office, she is in her mid-thirties and he mid-forties. She is depressed and has lost her sex drive. Yet they love each other dearly and well suited for one another. They are scared and confused. How remarkable that we discovered her difficult childhood had kept her from feeling safe enough to process feelings and now that she had a true partner, she was in a safe place at last. It was the strength she gained from her marriage that allowed her to “fall apart” and process her wounds, creating a stronger identity.

A couple who married, before they were both 20, seventeen years ago, had agreed a few months prior, that they could experiment with other sexual partners but are now in crisis mode because of jealousy.

A couple with a newborn are fighting constantly over the silliest things and can’t figure out why. Just learning that it is the most stressful time, albeit a good stressor, in the life cycle helps. Often the overwhelming stress and lack of sleep creates distance or unhealthy fighting. There is so much fear to provide and protect the newborn. And, so much more. One of the most essential times to get into therapy, if not before you get pregnant!!

All of these clients are now happily married or still divorced.

Couples get into a loop of the same argument. We identify it, name it and use a communication tool to unwind from this hot button.

Relationships are the most complex thing in our lives and our success in managing them is directly related to our happiness, health and wealth.

If you hear yourself saying, “Oh but we don’t really NEED therapy, it’s too expensive and the time and it might open up a can a worms, maybe it’s just better not to….” just call a therapist and talk about it. Or try one session and see. You are worth the investment in you and your relationship.

Please feel free to call me anytime. 310-402-8888

I love helping people to better understand themselves and therapy.

Here’s “About” Phyllis:

Phyllis Chase, MA, MFT, is a Psychotherapist to LA’s “creatives,” couples and singles, in her West Hollywood private practice of 16 years. Phyllis is also one of the few therapists ever featured on “The Dr. Phil Show,” to illustrate the positive impact her work made in the life of the show’s most controversial couple. Phyllis also hosted a drive time talk radio show, “Shrink Rap,” on public radio’s KCSN 88.5 FM, which made Los Angeles  Magazine’s Best of L.A. List. Phyllis’s approach is “post modern” which means rather than focusing all of a client’s time and energy on the “problem,” she instead focuses on solutions. Putting the power back where it belongs, with the individual. To set up an appointment with Phyllis  call 310-402-8888 or visit http://www.phyllischase.com

I love Phyllis – check her out….

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331 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 7:06 am

    Yes disagreements can turn to more intimacy



  2.  #2Senior Lady Vibe on September 1, 2011 at 7:44 am

    Hello world, I’m thankful for challenges and the start of September.

    😀

    xoxo



  3.  #3faith on September 1, 2011 at 8:23 am

    Hello Ladies.. Im back and still in the same situation!!

    I still need help with this..
    My boyfriend(of almost 2 years) and I broke up 4 MONTHS AGO!! and I still have NOT heard from him. I dont know how i have been so strong to not contact him but I havent!! But i do get the urge to do it all the time…. PLUS his Birthday is at the end of this month and I really really want to send him a “Happy Birthday” email or text message…. I dont know what to do with myself anymore…. Its been 4 months and I am still going crazy!!!!!!!!!! IS HE EVER GOING TO CALL??!! i dont understand.. how can it be over just like that..
    and im still not over anything.. i still miss him like crazy and want him to be back in my life..

    🙁



  4.  #4Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 8:35 am

    faith again you wanting him might be energy pushing him away. Sending a birthday card after all this time of him ignoring you is like telling him, go ahead kick me to the curb I am insignificant so you can do to me what ever you want. Sorry to be so harsh but I believe your best action here is to keep leaning back. He most likely is missing you and wondering if you will acknowledge his birthday. If you do, my opinion is you automatically lower your status in his eyes.



  5.  #5Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 8:37 am

    Mel I believe today is your big moving day and I am hoping things go smoothly for you. Hope you don’t feel overwhelmed and that you get a lot of boy energy/male muscles to help you.

    I believe it is yours and Lilybelle’s birthday month and hope that you both have big plans to celebrate with friends, lots of love and positive energy coming your way.



  6.  #6faith on September 1, 2011 at 8:40 am

    RE: #4 Femininewoman:

    No no…. i need harsh at this point!! I dont know why but just hearing this from people makes me think about it more and realize that you are right!! We have had NO communication whatsoever for 4 months.. yes i am going crazy and I just cant believe it…. but you are right!!
    I feel like i am trying my best to get over this person but its so hard!! However.. i am so proud of myself for at least doing one thing……which is NOT contacting him at all!! I cant believe it but I havent.. it just hurts that he hasnt either….

    Thank you much Femininewoman!!!!



  7.  #7DE on September 1, 2011 at 8:59 am

    Faith:

    i agree with FW advice…

    i would work on shifting my own energy into some Goddessy/Sireny…and the best way is indeed Circular Dating…

    warm hugs,



  8.  #8DE on September 1, 2011 at 8:59 am

    Great topic for the blog!

    Thank you Rori!



  9.  #9Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 9:23 am

    Congratulations on leaning back Faith. I was listening to a Coach this morning as she spoke to Rori about the chemical cocktail of love and how it affects us. I also remember another comment earlier that it can take up to 2 years to get rid of the “oxytocin” effect in that cocktail. Please don’t beat up on yourself. It is how most of us react in such circumstances. Best is to take care of yourself by going out and doing things that fill you up, light you up and make you happy. That includes meeting other men, flirting with them and just yourself in their presence. There is a whole world of men out there waiting for you to shine your heart light in their presence.



  10.  #10DE on September 1, 2011 at 9:38 am

    My date last nite…

    I had me some AHA moments…wow…

    We met a restaurant/bar of his choice…
    He chose the place and set up the date very manly two days before…send me address, etc..
    He was on time

    I recall as I parked my car in the area…i thought to myself…okay, lets…see…since it is not the area i usually go out in dates…but, i felt open to be surprised…

    i walked by a few homeless men and women…they looked high 🙁
    one woman told me a few times…”u are beautiful…very beautiful…”…i looked at her…and smiled…i wanted to hug her…and tell her u are also beautiful…
    for a brief moment, i felt compassion and a bit of judgement…why/what would bring someone to the verge of using drugs and being homeless?
    dah…:(
    and immediately, i said to myself…”what if in the context of things and matter in the Universe…she is happier, more joyful then me?”
    In that moment…i reassured myself I gave her/them compassionate feelings…instead of pitty…
    Gosh, why am i sharing this? hmm, okay is my story 🙂

    Okay, back to the date…
    We met, I felt happy to meet him…he appeared nervous…talking a lot…

    He finally made a decision where to set…:)
    Brought us drinks
    I felt uncomfortable ab the restaurant…it felt oldy and dirty…yuck 🙁
    These were my impression while waiting on him to bring the drinks…
    I didn’t want to be there 🙁
    He came…
    I took some deep breaths…
    Had a sip of my wine…
    He talked nonstop for a while…
    I was raising my eyebrows…having a few judgmental thoughts…
    Not wanting to be there…
    I didn’t feel attraction at all
    and then…i recall the tool on “curiosity”
    so, i sink into my body…deep…taking some deep breaths…i felt melting…relaxed…my face felt like a big accepting smile…now, using curiosity…
    i gently touch him by the arm sleeve (he was sitting next to me)…looked at him…and gently said…”Do u feel like you are an interview?”…

    His eyes got all wide and big…he stopped for a moment…and answered “well, yes, isn’t?”
    i smiled back…felt compassion in my heart…and said to him…”i don’t want it to be an interview…what do u think?”
    he felt a bit confused…and said “well, i dont know…should i say nothing?”…”i answered…”well, i feel a bit closed off and tense in this dynamic…i like to hear people talk about what feels good them, in this case, what feels good to u…what inspires u..etc……and we go from there…”while slowly sipping my wine…”

    he finally gets to his drink…got a few sips…and then says…something about…”i am glad u said something…i felt nervous…i want to impress u…u know first impression matters…”
    i smiled…calmly, peacefully and said…”aww…i feel touched that u want to impress me…and yes, first impression does matter…”

    we had back and forth sharing…this time, i was participating with my heart…feeling appreciative, surprised, encouraging of his dreams…interested in beliefs i didn’t share…yet, gently bringing in less limiting beliefs…

    he told me he felt so touched by our date…he walked me to my car…and asked me to let him know when i get home…by the time i got home…he txt me…to thank me for the evening and that he wants to see me again…i answered…”ah…so sweet…i enjoyed it too, thank u…”…not sure yet, about seeing him again in a dating situation 🙁

    anyway, i know i didn’t quite follow the rules of CD…but, i also believe in a dating situation, we are a messenger or a message and viceversa…

    The guy was definitely not my type…yet, he is a human being…he knew i was above his usual…so, i felt grateful for having being bold to approach me, ask me on a date…and treat me the best as he could…

    It feels good to me…when everytime I meet someone that thinks I am out of their league…I inspire them to want more out their lives…and they do…

    I feel touched when I have a positive impact on someone’s life…even if is for a brief moment…so through my CD last nite, I got to use my Goddessy healing powers…on my way back…i felt sooo good…when we bless someone with healing…we receive so much more in return…i felt like flying…and sooo powerful on my way back home…
    i fulfilled my mission 🙂



  11.  #11Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 9:50 am

    In his best selling book, Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill wrote, “You will never have a definite purpose in life; you will never have self confidence; you will never have initiative and leadership unless you first create these qualities in your imagination and see yourself in possession of them.” He went on to say, “… imagination is the most marvelous, miraculous, inconceivably powerful force the world has ever known.”



  12.  #12Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 9:51 am

    “Fantasize a much better life than you presently enjoy. Draft your future with imagination, ponder and calculate with intelligence and awareness, then knit it with care. Next, devise paths and find tools to help get you there.

    Commit to reach new goals. The only barrier separating you from your goal is ignorance – ignorance of how simple, and simply powerful, your mind really is.”

    To your success,
    Bob Proctor



  13.  #13Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Paige Parker on FWB

    When a man says “Let’s be Friends With Benefits,” what he’s REALLY saying is: “I’m selfish. I like having sex with you, but I don’t care enough about you as a person or respect you enough to be your boyfriend.”

    It’s nothing more than a creative way of telling you that he wants to keep his options open in case someone better comes along.

    You need to realize that you are WAY TOO AMAZING to be some guy’s second choice!

    As I say “NEVER have sex with a man for the wrong reasons. Don’t sleep with him to try to keep him from losing interest or leaving (it never works) and don’t use sex as a strategy to get what you want from a man. In either scenario you are showing complete disrespect for yourself by treating your body like it is some sort of commodity to be traded in exchange for love and security. You deserve far better than that… but you must demand it for yourself before you expect anyone else will offer it to you.”

    I recommend breaking it off with him immediately (if not sooner!) and freeing yourself up to meet someone who will recognize how truly special you are.

    I know this might seem difficult, S, but a smart decision to take care of yourself NOW will save you lots of heartbreak in the long run!

    Remember, the right guy for you will want to share EVERY part of his life with you, not just his bed.

    Hang in there and please let me know how everything works out!”



  14.  #14Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Alexandra Fox

    WHAT MEN THINK: Here’s the thing — men don’t really expect you to give them gifts for two reasons.

    One, it’s usually HIS job to be giving the gifts…

    And two, he can usually get whatever he wants for himself.

    (If he can’t, he probably shouldn’t be in a relationship to begin with!)



  15.  #15faith on September 1, 2011 at 10:04 am

    RE: #7 DE:

    Thanks De…. Im trying.. I know I need to be circular dating but I am just never in the mood to meet someone new and go through all the questions…. like you know getting to know each other.. I know that is a negative way of thinking but its like a battle i have with my mind. I always go back to missing him and wishing we were still together.. AND wishing he would AT LEAST call me!!



  16.  #16Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 10:05 am


  17.  #17Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 10:09 am

    Faith I know a saying “if wishes were horses even beggars would ride”. My point, is that doing the same thing over and over again is the definition of insanity. Going back to thinking that way over the last 4 months have not changed anything maybe because your energy is the same. I would test out signing up on a web site and writing a profile to just sell myself. Maybe do it without a picture at first to get over your resistance hurdle. So how many men contact you based on your writing skills and using feeling messages. Then maybe put up a picture. That way you get to flirt from your bedroom and without facing anyone. Babystep your way into facing your fears.



  18.  #18faith on September 1, 2011 at 10:11 am

    RE:#9 Femininewoman:

    Thanks Femininewoman.. i promise i am trying:(
    I cant wait for the day that I open this blog and write a happy message!! lol.. I just want to feel better now but i simply miss him.. like insanely miss him!! grrr.. sometimes i feel like i didnt mean much/anything to him because he hasnt even had the courtesy to call me!!



  19.  #19Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 10:12 am

    Faith I have seen Rori ( I believe it was Rori) encourage people to think of themself as a special brand of something and to write your own ad to sell yourself. Check if you could sell your brand to yourself first is what I did to keep upgrading it and then move it to selling the world.



  20.  #20Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 10:13 am

    Faith there is one in my life who has not called since December. There is another one who has not called since June. It is something that happens all the time.

    You don’t know what you meant to him unless he tells you. for all you know he could have interpreted something as rejecting and is still licking his wounds.



  21.  #21Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 10:15 am

    Do you have any of Rori’s products faith? The book is worth it to help you to stop pining away for this man, and it is affordable. He is just one man. Have you practiced tracking your body to identify feelings with words and expressing how you feel?



  22.  #22Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 10:28 am

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/commitment/do-you-keep-thinking-about-a-boyfriend-from-the-past/
    There are reasons why your mind will keep “defaulting” to a past relationship and it’s important for you figure out why so you begin to find peace in the present.
    Are you’re simply lonely and feeling discouraged about your chances of meeting a man you can love?
    Is it easier for you to think about a man you know rather than going out and finding one?
    Maybe you’re going through a hard time with your current boyfriend and you start to feel anxious and worried that he may not be “the one.”
    When You’re Unhappy In The Present, It’s Not Uncommon For Your Mind To Begin To Reminisce About The Good Times You’ve Had With Someone In The Past.
    It gives your hurting ego a boost as you remember the “good ole days” when you felt loved. You remember the good times and forget the bad. It seems that the same loving feelings are still there and they are attached to that man.



  23.  #23faith on September 1, 2011 at 10:30 am

    RE: 20 Femininewoman:

    I just really believed he was “the one.” We would both talk about it!! we would both say that we wanted to get married. This has been my first REAL relationship.. and only my second boyfriend. My frist boyfriend was in high school.. so i dont even know if that counts. But with my last relationship we even MOVED-IN together.. UGHHHHHHHH…. i just miss all of that.. I really thought he was it.. and I felt that way inside too!! My heart is still with him!! 🙁

    I have log into rori’s website like everyday. I read ALL her blogs and i recieve emails almost daily from her (automatically). I am even going to a psychologist almost every week!! I dont know what else to do anymore.. and i really feel like i am trying…. Im just hung up on………..WHY HASNT HE CALLED ME??!! that is what goes around in my head over and over again..



  24.  #24DE on September 1, 2011 at 10:37 am

    Faith #23:

    u said: …”WHY HASNT HE CALLED ME??!! that is what goes around in my head over and over again..”

    When a man doesn’t call me…I feel comforted just knowing it is because He DOES NOT WANT TO…

    Can you accept that? and focus on feeling yourself better? what would your inner boy do for u? talk to him…accept him…until we allow/appreciate our inner boy to take care of us…we will not be appreciative of the men outside coming into our lives…

    Practice makes “perfect”…so they say 🙂

    warm hugs,



  25.  #25faith on September 1, 2011 at 10:52 am

    RE: #23 DE:

    Yeah you’re right.. i know he doesnt want to call me b/c he would have contacted me already even if it was not by phone.
    Thats the thing though.. i cannot believe that he doesnt want to b/c we have been through so much together!! And we talked about marriage AND i did so much for him!! i was there during his worst financial struggles and helped him out!! How does he not think about that?? or see that i truly did love him!! i dont know.. i just think of so much!! i know i need to stop and just move on………… b/c if it is meant to be it will be….



  26.  #26Daria on September 1, 2011 at 10:53 am

    faith – you’ve received great suggestions on what to do.

    1. do FUN activities that interest you

    2. start circular dating – and to do that in a way that will HEAL you is to do it knowing the purpose is THERAPY – it’s not to meet a man you like (though that may happen) – it’s to practice tools and heal… therapy.

    there are lots of articles rori has on this

    this will engage your energy and start to heal you and get you out of the rut of thinking about this man

    3. Riffing, feeling your feelings… these are practices all the way back in the archives of the Power and Self Esteem articles in the blog… read it.. and DO IT.

    The tools work… but they only work if you DO THEM… they won’t work if you just read about them… so get your ‘inner boy’ in gear, the boy who got you a psychologist and who gets you reading the blog…

    and start taking babysteps to do these things!

    you won’t be able to break out of how you feel until you start Circular Dating – or at least it will take you much much longer (could b years) – and i don’t want that for you, it’s not necessary to make yourself suffer

    so start now…

    get online is the best and easiest way for men to find you, liek FW suggested

    take a stab at a profile – using feeling messages, make it short like a guide to what makes you feel good 🙂

    and write it here…we can help tweak it for you

    and no, Circular Dating won’t feel comfortable, or clear up the heartbreak right away, but it will get you moving on the path there much faster

    if you keep in mind that the goal is Therapeutic



  27.  #27AmazingMe on September 1, 2011 at 10:54 am

    FW you always give the best advice, always so helpful! I love reading your posts they help me in so many ways and for that I thank you! Faith FW is right, I know it’s hard and I practice leaning back daily. It is by far easy but you need to give yourself time for you. The minute you take your focus to your own happiness and life it feels so much better. If he is the one for you he will be back but he will also know how worthy you are. You deserve a call I agree but nothing you can do right now so get out there and date, flirt, practice Rori’s tools! I promise you will not only be happier but you confidence will be lifted. Then who knows maybe he realize what he had and miss it but you will not be attached to the outcome. Heck you might even find someone better! Good Luck 🙂



  28.  #28Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 10:56 am

    Faith again you do not know what he is thinking.
    Doing so much for him has nothing to do with his romantic feelings and him wanting a marriage.
    Helping him out doesn’t make him feel love.



  29.  #29AmazingMe on September 1, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Daria of course we on the same page with this!! Love You Sirens!



  30.  #30AmazingMe on September 1, 2011 at 11:01 am

    I have to post this again so I can read it daily It is therapeutic for me and I think it gives hope that this LOVE is still reachable for us romantic saps!!
    “Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’ re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU… The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her…”



  31.  #31faith on September 1, 2011 at 11:09 am

    RE:#25 Daria:

    Thank you Daria!! The advice I get from you all is wonderful and it does help!! I helps me relax and calm down with everything going on inside me. I am trying seriously trying to focus on circular dating and simply just getting out of my house!! I really do want to feel better and STOP thinking about this person!! I just have all these hurt feelings inside…. I know i really need to get over this..

    RE:#26 AmazingMe:

    YES.. Femininewoman gives wonderful advice!! Like i said above.. advice from you all help me calm down and breath. It makes all the crazy thoughts in my head slow down. Thank you so much!!!! i appreciate your advice..

    RE:#27 Femininewoman:

    You’re right.. thanks again Femininewoman!! You are Great!! I know you have also helped me a couple of weeks ago with this same situation and i really appreciate it!!



  32.  #32alias girl on September 1, 2011 at 11:44 am

    i have a meeting with Opportunity in beverly hills today. i am wearing a very high class (yet understated) dress.

    i feel excited!



  33.  #33Emoticon on September 1, 2011 at 11:47 am

    Faith. We are n the same situation, except I must applaud you for not contacting this man. I have made the mistake of doing so!! Not anymore tho… I’ve grown stronger and have no urge to contact him anymore!! I’m proud of us both, let’s keep it up. 🙂



  34.  #34Mercedes on September 1, 2011 at 11:47 am

    I’ve been so busy but I’m still reading here and have some extra time on my hands. This:

    “Here’s the bottom line: every relationship has issues.”

    is one of the most commonly heard limiting beliefs I’ve ever encountered.

    And this:

    “but in fact, the number one predictor of divorce is the avoidance of conflict.”

    has no actual data to support it and since a LOT of people get divorced without ever having the reason noted on a statistic, I’d say it’s not really a “fact”.

    I do believe if you HAVE to have arguments, make them healthy but I don’t believe those of us who don’t argue are headed for breakup. How many years can you go without a fight before you lose each other? Is there a limit on the amount of time a couple can just go through life being happy and loving on each other before they either argue or split up?

    Should I be worried and J and I or Tinque and K?

    Hmmm….maybe I’ll pick a fight over my vacation with J this weekend so we can be sure to stay happy. LOL (does that sound super ridiculous to anyone other than me???)

    Again, I do believe that how much a conflict affects a relationship has everything to do with how we handle that conflict. But…just because two people are laid back, don’t fight, have so much in common they can’t figure out what to fight about anyway and really don’t want anything more out of the relationship than to always be the other’s best friend…well…I don’t see how that leads to a split.

    It’s like with me and my sister. We are so close and have so much in common that we don’t fight at all. We did when we were younger, but we’ve sorta grown up since then. Are we destined to not be the closest sisters we can be all our lives because we don’t argue with each other? Or my best girlfriend. We’ve never argued about anything…ever. How long before we can no longer be friends because we don’t fight?

    I don’t get it. I really don’t think people need to argue to love. Actually…I think people who really love (in their souls) don’t argue…not even in the healthy ways. And my honest truth…I think therapists LOVE for us to believe we have to argue so we’re sure to seek them out with our checkbooks in hand. (not referring to the specific author above but just in general when it comes to those people who write for “self help” purposes).

    Anyway…had a minute…thought I’d read…and had an alternate way of looking at relationships and how they really can be if both partners are abostutely committed to being the best friend and lover the other could want. Oh…and it helps to constantly say things with the sole purpose of making the other one smile several times a day. 🙂

    Hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday weekend. J and I are off to Canada!! I’m sooooo excited!

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  35.  #35AmazingMe on September 1, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    Wow, Hey Mercedes long time! I am glad to hear from you and that you are doing well!



  36.  #36faith on September 1, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    RE: #32 Emoticon:

    Aww.. thank you Emoticon!! I cant believe myself actually b/c i really do want to contact him.. but everyone tells me its a bad idea… but yes lets keep it up!!



  37.  #37AmazingMe on September 1, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    Faith I can relate I fight that feeling every day, it does get easier. That is why I love the saying, “Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you have never met.”



  38.  #38AmazingMe on September 1, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    Rings so true to me!



  39.  #39Susan on September 1, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    Faith,

    My heart aches for you. I do know how it feels. the most amazing guy I had ever met dumped me for reasons I didn’t understand roughly 5 years ago. I missed him like crazy, but still dated new men. I had some pretty interesting experiences in the next four years. Yes, I said FOUR YEARS. FOUR YEARS of hearing nothing from him and certain that I never would.

    Then he emailed me out of the blue. We began again, but it is different this time and we are close to a one year anniversary. In the course of conversation he’d find out what I had been up to in the 4 years we were apart and he started to feel jealous. I told him (laughingly) that I had HIM to thank for all those uber fun experiences (including going to a clothing optional resort with another man). That if he hadn’t cut me loose for 4 years, that I’d have missed out on all that. He now keeps me close to him, partially because he knows I have an adventurous streak… I don’t sit and pine for any man (even though my heart may be breaking inside.)

    I don’t know if the guy you love will come back. We never know. But don’t stop living your life for this guy. Open your arms and heart to the possibilities life has to offer you!



  40.  #40tinque on September 1, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    I’m SO with you on this Miss M. I totally agree that if there is an argument, make it a clean/healthy one, but I DO NOT agree that good/great/awesome relationships need to have conflict or arguments.

    I have never had an argument with K. Never. And believe me there are NO stuffed feelings here, not from either one of us.

    We don’t disagree, but we also don’t agree on everything either. Sound contradictory? Maybe. But it isn’t really.

    I think his views are valid and good whether they align with mine or not. I can still appreciate them and see from where he’s coming. And vice versa.

    xxoo



  41.  #41faith on September 1, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    RE: #38 Susan:

    SUSAN THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE!! THANK YOU!!
    I know you feel my pain and know exactly how i am feeling like most of the ladies do here; and it just sucks!! I know there is absolutely nothing i can do but move on. I just have so many questions and thoughts in my head. This has been one of the most difficult things I have ever been through in my life!! I really do try to think positive and believe that things happen for a reason….
    Your story is wonderful!! Thank you so much for sharing!! It gives me hope that anything can happen..

    Thank you much Susan:)



  42.  #42Ella on September 1, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Hello Sirens,

    I can see I need to be a lot more careful with the internet, protecting my identity and also Facebook.

    Some of the people who attend my Zumba classes found me on Facebook and added me. I felt unsure at the time however I accepted their requests…

    What I am realising is that I need a separate account for business from personal.

    I feel worried about being judged on my personal stuff, which is separate from my business stuff.

    Maybe I finally have to learn that it is best to keep the 2 separate.

    One of my Zumba clients is cousins with one of the girls I was at a party with at the weekend… and the girl from the party is known for being a wildchild… and a lot of gossip flies around.

    I don’t know I am just feeling a bit paranoid.

    Now the question is how to go about separating the two (business contacts and personal) without upsetting anyone.

    And who to have where.

    I just feel so afraid that this kind of thing can negatively affect my business which I have worked so hard for…



  43.  #43Camille on September 1, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    Hey Girls,
    I feel the gist of the article rang true for me…….but I dont think she is saying you have to argue……I think the big point is saying when you avoid conflict it causes bigger issues………..and with that I have to agree, being a “avoid conflict at all costs” person in the past. And I think it is just as Tinque and Mercedes have said, when you are in that place you dont have conflict because you have healthy ways of dealing with conflict when you are not “pretending” there isnt one or “avoiding” it and you can simply state your opinion with confidence not attaching yourself to the outcome. ???????????? Just a thought



  44.  #44Daria on September 1, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    Ella – i do have a separate account for personal use…

    but the truth is i kinda feel sad thinking about it

    i want to live a life where i don’t feel like i have to hide

    and like being authentic will attract people to me rather than push (scare) them away

    little babysteps to this… and it feels triggering and sad and kinda bad that i don’t feel safe to do that

    it’s one of my most ouchie places that i notice

    🙁

    i love my sadness

    it doesn’t feel safe to be totally authentic

    voice “it ISN’T”

    and there’s the prisons to prove it

    and it feels sad and bad

    🙁

    love to me

    i want to heal this Goddess!

    wow how amazing when i will have healed this!



  45.  #45Daria on September 1, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    I want to say Thank You for what peacefully feels like a huge blessing in my life

    i have been wondering and feeling confused and scared and sad about how i would raise my children and how can i protect them while also not traumatizing them

    and i have discovered a magnificent resource that i felt soothed by and that inspired me and answered many of my questions in ways that made sense and felt encouraging and awesome!

    wow raising children with respect and honor will indeed heal the world and would be an amazing contribution

    i don’t have to “strive” to do “more” for changing the world

    that is enough of a novelty – for me- and for the world

    and it will be passed on

    how amazing!

    and now… i would also like to discover peaceful and magical ways to give birth!

    yay!!

    🙂

    life is so magical and healing… thank you Daria Goddess



  46.  #46Jeannette on September 1, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Is anyone suffering from loneliness right now? I am. It’s getting into Labor Day weekend and don’t have any real plans. I feel like I am closing up into a shell. I am in a rut.



  47.  #47tinque on September 1, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Ella – I used to feel fear and embarrassment at having my personal stuff out there, but now I no longer feel this way. It’s all me, and I don’t want to hide any of it or put on a facade that might make some people feel better.

    If someone can’t handle reading the details of my sex life for example, then don’t read. If this person doesn’t want to associate with me for this, then this isn’t the kind of person I would want in my life anyway.

    I have healed tremendously, yet I still have fears and pain as we all do. I don’t have to be perfect to be able to help others heal.

    If someone judges you for whatever they may have read about you say on this blog, then this is the kind of person who would cause you trouble eventually anyway.

    Kind of a good weeding out process, wouldn’t you say?

    xxoo



  48.  #48Ice Princess on September 1, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    I have been trying to deal with my conversation with LP on my own, but I feel stuck. He said “I may need you to watch my kids next Thursday” and I said that would be okay since I have my kids but then he explains that he has this work thing that he is in charge of inviting people to and that he would have asked me but he figured that we both couldn’t find sitters and besides he would be networking so he couldn’t talk much to me while there. While I understand work functions, I feel hurt by all this. I feel as if he doesn’t think I could carry my own self there if he weren’t by me. I just don’t know what to sa to him because he did apologize after he said it but I still feel less than adequate by the conversation. Any suggestions as to what to say or do? Even if it is “ice princess get over it”



  49.  #49Daria on September 1, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    uhoh… i feel triggered and … STUCK! and this feels familiar!

    so i read a comment, and i noticed some ‘tweaks’ i would make to get in line with Rori’s stuff

    it was actually Camille’s comment and i would have tweaked… stating our opinion… to ‘stating our feelings’

    and i felt this rang true for me… to notice it is a thought and inquire about a true feeling message … maybe it Felt true… and i feel pulled into feeling surprised at how something can indeed Feel true, and that feels different than jsut thinking it’s true…

    and… i don’t want to ‘correct’ Camille… i feel scared

    and at the same time… it would feel great to have a easy default method to communicate Rori’s stuff… and contribute to women learning and getting on track with Rori’s tools that work to help them heal…

    and i feel sad that i don’t yet know that method

    and i feel good that by my noticing and expressing this im babystepping to healing

    and i feel scared and kinda blank

    and i love my blank and here comes a kinda sound like a giggle

    and i love my giggle

    eheheh

    i would love to be able to express this in my life

    liek when someone says something that i feel uncomfortable with or, i notice something that i could tweak and i feel concern, or…

    🙁

    i feel confused!

    i don’t want to be ‘butting in’ and at the same time it feels bad to not say anything if it’s something that might help 🙁

    i just feel sad and confused again

    so amybe my truth was…

    i feel kinda worried seeing a choice of words that could be tweaked to what we practice on the blog…

    and i feel scared to tweak it without being asked

    and i love me!!



  50.  #50DE on September 1, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    Hmm…this been in moderation all day…lets try again…
    ***********************

    My date last nite…

    I had me some AHA moments…wow…

    We met a restaurant/bar of his choice…
    He chose the place and set up the date very manly two days before…send me address, etc..
    He was on time

    I recall as I parked my car in the area…i thought to myself…”okay, lets see” a bit skeptical…since it is not the area i usually go out in dates…

    i walked by a few homeless men and women…they looked h*igh 🙁
    one woman told me a few times…”u are beautiful…very beautiful…”…i looked at her…and smiled…i wanted to hug her…and tell her u are also beautiful…
    for a brief moment, i felt compassion and a bit of judgement…why/what would bring someone to the verge of using dru&gs and being homeless?
    dah…:(
    and immediately, i said to myself…”what if in the context of things and matter in the Universe…she is happier, more joyful then me?”
    In that moment…i reassured myself I gave her/them compassionate feelings…instead of pitty…
    Gosh, why am i sharing this? hmm, okay is my story 🙂

    Okay, back to the date…
    We met, I felt happy to meet him…he appeared nervous…talking a lot…

    He finally made a decision where to set…:)
    Brought us drinks
    I felt uncomfortable ab the restaurant…it felt oldy and dirty…yuck 🙁
    These were my impression while waiting on him to bring the drinks…
    I didn’t want to be there 🙁
    He came…
    I took some deep breaths…
    Had a sip of my wine…
    He talked nonstop for a while…
    I was raising my eyebrows…having a few judgmental thoughts…
    Not wanting to be there…
    I didn’t feel attraction at all
    and then…i recall the tool on “curiosity”
    so, i sink into my body…deep…taking some deep breaths…i felt melting…relaxed…my face felt like a big accepting smile…now, using curiosity…
    i gently touch him by the arm sleeve (he was sitting next to me)…looked at him…and gently said…”Do u feel like you are an interview?”…

    His eyes got all wide and big…he stopped for a moment…and answered “well, yes, isn’t?”
    i smiled back…felt compassion in my heart…and said to him…”i don’t want it to be an interview…what do u think?”
    he felt a bit confused…and said “well, i dont know…should i say nothing?”…”i answered…”well, i feel a bit closed off and tense in this dynamic…i like to hear people talk about what feels good them, in this case, what feels good to u…what inspires u..etc……and we go from there…”while slowly sipping my wine…”

    he finally gets to his drink…got a few sips…and then says…something about…”i am glad u said something…i felt nervous…i want to impress u…u know first impression matters…”
    i smiled…calmly, peacefully and said…”aww…i feel touched that u want to impress me…and yes, first impression does matter…”

    we had back and forth sharing…this time, i was participating with my heart…feeling appreciative, surprised, encouraging of his dreams…interested in beliefs i didn’t share…yet, gently bringing in less limiting beliefs…

    he told me he felt so touched by our date…he walked me to my car…and asked me to let him know when i get home…by the time i got home…he txt me…to thank me for the evening and that he wants to see me again…i answered…”ah…so sweet…i enjoyed it too, thank u…”…not sure yet, about seeing him again in a dating situation 🙁

    anyway, i know i didn’t quite follow the rules of CD…but, i also believe in a dating situation, we are a messenger or a message and viceversa…

    The guy was definitely not my type…yet, he is a human being…he knew i was above his usual…so, i felt grateful for having being bold to approach me, ask me on a date…and treat me the best as he could…

    It feels good to me…when everytime I meet someone that thinks I am out of their league…I inspire them to want more out their lives…and they do…

    I feel touched when I have a positive impact on someone’s life…even if is for a brief moment…so through my CD last nite, I got to use my Goddessy healing powers…on my way back…i felt sooo good…when we bless someone with healing…we receive so much more in return…i felt like flying…and sooo powerful on my way back home…
    i fulfilled my mission 🙂



  51.  #51Daria on September 1, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    Ice Princess – can you reframe this as him looking out for you?

    he doesn’t want you to have to be by yourself while he’s busy – a lot of women wouldn’t want to be at an event where the man didn’t have a lot of time for them

    i would appreciate his looking out for your comfort!

    and since you brought up your NV – it sounds like you have an insecurity around this… and brava for you for not stuffing –

    and he apologized, it sounds like he’s taking care of you even more! by taking responsibility for the way his gesture came across



  52.  #52Ella on September 1, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    Thanks Tinque and Daria,

    It feels so good reading your responses…

    It is a tricky one… and I so have the same feeling about it you have both expressed.

    I would love just to be me and to be authentic and accepted that way… and yet I feel massive fear that if people will read certain things about me they will say ‘who is she to give us advice on health when she does …’

    And I feel afraid of being abandoned in my Zumba classes because I get judged or because of not meeting expectations.

    And I feel under pressure right now. Worried in case they collapse because I realised today the actual state of my finances and my debts and I feel afraid.

    Even though I have a plan I feel fear.

    Fear of failing, fear of disappointing others and myself, fear of not being able to cope.

    Fear of being destroyed somehow.

    I feel so torn sometimes between doing what I love and following my heart and the practical side of me that says ‘you do need money… you have x, y and z to pay for…’

    Feels like pressure and tight on shoulders and bloaty and cross and snatchy.

    I’ll sit with it for a little longer before making a decision about facebook.

    Anyway I aspire to live in a way that I am not at all ashamed of but feel proud of.

    Babysteps to that.



  53.  #53Ella on September 1, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    Hey Jeanette,

    Just saying ‘Hi’.

    xxxx



  54.  #54Daria on September 1, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Ice Princess – I would say “thank you for apologizing… i appreciate your concern that i not be left alone at the function… and i’m still feeling a little upset and insecure. i don’t want to feel this way 🙁 “



  55.  #55Ice Princess on September 1, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Thanks Daria for your response! You are probably right too.



  56.  #56Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    Ice Princess it seems to me that he is looking and thinking ahead to see how you would feel in the situation. He might not have choosen his words in the right way and kind of expressed it awkwardly but the intention is what matters. I felt off balance a little reading it but in retrospect it kinds of seems he might be feeling like he is between and rock and a hard place. As such making a decision based on his best judgement. He might even have reconciled in his mind that it could be difficult for you to swallow so maybe just letting him know that it caused you to feel a little off balance but you are unsure about how to express it might help. However, you choose my feeling is that it would be best to not make him wrong for making the decision though you could be sad about it. He might surprise you in the future by the way he makes it up to you.



  57.  #57alias girl on September 1, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    #31 alias girl, you go girl!!!!

    my meeting went really well. and i still feel excited. and it was easy.

    and i just feel really good about it. 🙂



  58.  #58Ice Princess on September 1, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    That sounds good. Seems like I should let it go and see what happens in the future. Thanks FW!



  59.  #59Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    Wow DE I literally felt my heart opening up just reading that. It was touching.



  60.  #60Daria on September 1, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    wow okay the feeling again

    i feel uncomfortable

    i feel sad

    i feel like cryiing almost

    i feel a pinch in my solar plexus

    i feel a tightness in my booty

    i feel disapointed to be silent when i notice something i feel excited about

    i feel excited when i notice tweaks i would make to DE’s post

    i feel pinched in my leg

    sigh

    i love my sadness

    ‘i am NEVER asked even though i have so many ways to help’ – that is my nv thinking in my family

    how can i express this in feelings?

    wow i felt intrigued reading the story and i felt excited to notice some tweaks i would make…

    and then stop

    hmm

    okay

    that works

    to describe how i feel

    and i feel scared

    ‘who am i to make tweaks on someone else’s process?’

    ‘my help is not wanted’

    ‘my help will only crush their excitement’

    and taht feels bad

    i feel disappointed

    ‘ you always point out the bad stuff’ i feel ashamed

    i love my shame

    ‘well if the bad stuff is not pointed out it will persist’ – thought from my dad

    this is not true i decided

    so how come i want to point it out?

    if it doesnt help?

    maybe it does help

    maybe it will work out anyway but it might work out with MY help

    even faster ?

    i feel sad

    i love my sadness

    big sigh

    i love my big sigh

    i love my noticing stuff to tweak

    i don’t want it to be ‘bad’

    just tweaks

    its not wrong or right

    just tweaking to align with the process Rori teaches

    i feel like im trying to convince myself

    ‘you are LYING!! you notice the bad stuff cause you are critical like your dad’

    i embrace the part of me that thinks im critical

    thank you thank you

    i love my sigh

    adn that feels like sad smile

    i love my sad smile

    and that feels like yawn

    and i feel excited that im actually working on this in a way that is healing for
    ME!

    wow yay me yay
    i
    am healing

    i am super healing

    and this will soon be healed

    weeeeeeee

    i feel gidddddddyyyyy

    i love my giddynesss

    weeeee

    heheheheheeeeeeeeee



  61.  #61Ella on September 1, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Hey guess what Sirens,

    Guess who showed back up… very, very briefly…

    J

    Yep, that’s right – J re-appeared!!!!!!!

    Can you friggin believe it??

    Just popped up on FB instant messenger last night and started chatting with me.

    It has been a month since last contact.

    Firstly some light chit chat led by him, I said it felt nice to hear from him, and then – he asked how I was. I said I had felt sad not to hear from him and now I am feeling happy atm…

    He said he had wanted to see me, and he wanted to see whether I would break my principles and call him (no).

    I just repeated that I am not good with calling men, and that I feel insecure if I chase a guy to much. It feels better when a man calls me.

    He said something about he had been going for the opposite effect and something about the chase or something.

    More chat. then he asked if we could meet. I said yes and he asked when I was free… Sunday…

    He couldn’t do, in the end he asked if I had time tomorrow (today) I said I did and only for a bit at the end of the day when I finished everything I had to do.

    He said he would come over then… and then he assured me (un-prompted) that he would come… I said it felt weird that he felt he needs to assure me and it would feel good to see him.

    Today however I had a niggly feeling and realised that I didn’t feel good about seeing him so soon and as I have a busy day tomorrow I wanted to prioritise work.

    I also knew it was VERY possible he would just flake again.

    So I texted him today to say about my work situation and it might feel better to move it to Sunday, what did he think?

    No reply. And no FB message (in case he doesn’t have credit). And I know he’s been on – I saw him pop up on IM.

    So I guess he has gone again.

    And today I felt kinda knarky… and a little off/cross.

    But it is in no way as triggering as it was before.

    And this time it doesn’t matter so much because I am not putting him first I am putting me first, plus I have a lot else going on… and other CDs (good ones some of them) taking up my time).

    Plus I had NO intention of having sex with him this time… lesson learnt from before.

    And so funny how he shows back up RIGHT at the time when I felt pretty much over him. Like he was just out of my head pretty much, apart from the odd thought. Wasn’t looking at his profile, and my energy was taken up with other people…

    And suddenly there he was again.

    For a minute!!

    Lol. I don’t know if he was drunk, bored, missing me or what… but I do know I am going to take the good from this… it feels good that he contacted me, and wanted to see me.

    And it is helping me see that however lovely he is (and he is, truly charming) I don’t want a man who is not consistent. And disappearing men are toxic to me.

    It feels better when a man is consistent and here!

    And yet I appreciate his bows like any others shot at me from men.

    I do wonder how often I will allow him back and where my anger about it comes from (I did feel some anger today) is it at me allowing someone in when it doesn’t feel good.

    Can I let him come and go as he pleases or will I choose to put a boundary in to stop the rollercoaster feel I get with disappearing men.

    Thank you for allowing me the chance to explore this.

    xoxoxox



  62.  #62Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Ice Princess I would also check my feelings about keeping the kids while he gets to go out and about doing what he wants to do. Are you saying it is okay because you have some hidden outcome you are attaching to doing it? It might not necessarily be something conscious but I would spend some time sinking into my body, questioning and wondering about that. Maybe see if I feel uncomfortable saying no to him related to the children because you are trying to avoid conflict. Really go into your body around that one to see if there are any hidden agendas.



  63.  #63Diana on September 1, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    I need your advice: Recently I met a single guy and we started to date for a short few weeks. Starting with the night we met..he told me that he would like to spend a good amount of time getting to know me. he called everyday and texted..On july 4 i could not make it for fireworks as I had to work he called to say if I could make it later anytime that he still wanted to see me he told me he was making appetizers mediterrian style and asked what i like.to surprise me with a table romantic for two with a candle everything was great…we dated for a few weeks..I noticed that the last date he was bothered at the reastaurant by my elbows touching his as we sat side by side..later that day he took me to the winery an zoo..i kept running into him..(prior to this he explained to me he was not a public affectionate person but he was behind closed doors..(by the way I did not know my way around the zoo..so i was unsure which way to go with him as no directions were given..I felt awkward with his huffy attitude and did not say anything..as i felt after the wine and too much caffeine we were both tired.and dehydrated…He called 4 days later and told me he had a great time but felt he was not the man for me..and said our communication was different..so I was curious and asked him what he meant by this..we hardly could talk between the wine tasting an zoo tour..we jst observed..next he changed it to that we were two different people.This seemed to be a complete 180…I truly felt I did not even get to know him well enough to access this..although i actually thought we had more in common then not..it seems that this happens a lot to me in Orange county..I never get to date anyone for a longer period of time..I told him that I was dating others too and continue to single events..I have lived in northern calif and hawaii and i am wondering how to better handle this and have read your using feeling statements and wondered if I do not express the right types of statements..please your take on this?



  64.  #64Daria on September 1, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    i am da bomb

    i am da bomb

    wooo hooo

    doing an imaginarry 70’s arm roll

    i focused on me!

    yes i still feel scared

    and i lvoe my fear

    i feel terrified of people

    when i walk down the street

    it feels like my eyes are bugging out my head

    sometimes

    and i love me

    and my bugging out eyes

    it feels like i will swoon and drop sometimes

    i feel so damn terrified

    and i love me

    i love me mucho mucho mucho

    and i will heal

    i intend to heal

    and feel; loving and safe and open

    !

    yeah!



  65.  #65Daria on September 1, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    Ella – sounds like you’re doing great!! yay!!



  66.  #66Femininewoman on September 1, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    Diana I was listening to Evan Marc Katz interview with Rori earlier and he was saying that the default with dating is failure. It is just dating so don’t expect it to go anywhere, unless he bring sup commitment. Just keep dating every one who asks you.



  67.  #67Nancy on September 1, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    Wow, this article is right on time for me. Married 6 months now and struggling to find my voice, having been conflict avoidant most of my life. I stopped and noticed just the other day that ‘never the right time’ isn’t working so well. I end up feeling invisible, even with this husband of mine who I know loves me.
    Feelings of resentment build, problems feel bigger. I just may give Ms. Phyllis a call. I see so clearly that my hubby and I could use a conflict style overhaul, both of us. I wonder what he thinks and plan to ask using feeling messages. Thanks, Rori!



  68.  #68DE on September 1, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    FW #59:

    Aww…thank u 🙂

    warm hugs,



  69.  #69Daria on September 1, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    Diana – it’s difficult to tell what is going on, you didn’t give any examples of your conversations in the post, or too much detail of your interactions

    it could be that he’s just a guy who gets scared when stuff starts getting more serious

    – and i certainly would not feel good if a man did not want to hold/touch me in public – so that is enough reason for HIM To be DISQUALIFIED BY YOU here…

    but is not clear if you were doing something to push him away or this is all “his stuff”

    either way, Rori’s tools, including feeling messages, being in feminine energy – leaning back, and Circular Dating… work

    there are lots of articles to read on this blog, and Rori’ has free e-letters with great real tools – not just marketing –

    to make sense of it all you need Rori’s book – it has the basics and its only $20 and comes in downloadable e-book form so you can get started reading it right away

    and there’s us here practicing the tools – it would feel great to help you here!



  70.  #70Daria on September 1, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    Hi Nancy – feels exciting to ‘see’ you and hear you’re married already! Congratulations!!



  71.  #71Ella on September 1, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    Thanks Daria..xx



  72.  #72Ella on September 1, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    Nancy,

    Hey – good to hear from you and that you did get married!

    🙂 xx



  73.  #73DE on September 1, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    Daria:

    Feel free to tweak it 🙂

    It might help/inspire someone 🙂

    Disclosure: Tweaking my posts in any shape or form by anybody…gives me permission to riff openly to include direct mentioning of the “addressee”- including cus*sing/cursin*ng…Please be warned, I am not responsible of anybody’s feelings…

    okay, okay…just kidding 🙂

    warm hugs



  74.  #74Nancy on September 1, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    Faith, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years 11 months ago and am now happily married. And I thought he was perfect for me and that I’d never get over him. Circular date! You also might want to check out the book, “The List, How To Tell If He’ll Marry You In 30 Day Or Less”. Sounds crazy, I know, but it sure worked for me. For me, it’s the perfect compliment to Rori’s stuff and it helped me get over my feelings of pining immediately and to meet my husband almost as fast. No more long drawn out waiting relationships for me! Have faith, you can do it.
    Nancy



  75.  #75Nancy on September 1, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    Hi Ella, good to see you too and thanks! And… hello Sirens!



  76.  #76Nancy on September 1, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    Hi Daria, good to see you, too! And thank you!



  77.  #77Lilybelly on September 1, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    73:

    That’s what “The List” did for me too, Nancy. It was like a gong went off for me and a huge, HUGE AHA moment. I was over it pretty quickly after I read that. All of them. hee hee



  78.  #78Ella on September 1, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    Feeling frustrated still though…

    Oh well, I LOVE my frustrated.

    I am grateful for EVERYTHING I have, and the Universe is sending me the lessons I need right now, including my financial situation to unpick, and learning that money is not everything… in fact it is pretty much nothing.

    Ok – Ella’s get life sorted plan.

    Cut back on work a bit, lose cleaning job and prob bar work soon too.

    Increase better paid work. Concentrate on Zumba classes, Avon, wellness business and ironing.

    Start classes again next week.

    See what income is like.

    Do a budget.

    Work out how much debts come to and monthly re-payments.

    See a financial advisor for best option for paying off debts and make a plan.

    Meantime, continue ce-cluttering life.

    Continue babystepping to doing less.

    Eating more healthy, natural foods.

    Looking after me.

    Find a new 0% credit card and transfer from other card…

    Yep, that should do it.

    🙂

    Oh, and LOVE on me!

    I am grateful for J showing back up and for the class I am teaching tomorrow night and for my bed that I am about to snuggle into and my great book that I am enjoying.

    Oh and NewCD hit me up on IM from USA this morning which felt cool… I didn’t expect to hear from him till he got back…

    xoxoxox



  79.  #79Grace on September 1, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    Really? I have all of this information from Dr. Toni Grant’s Book “Being a Woman” published in the eighties. This all seems verbatim from Dr. Grant’s book. Tapping into our feminine nature……

    wow



  80.  #80Daria on September 1, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    Diana – there are Some things i picked up in your post which are about your self esteem and expressing yourself…

    I feel excited that you found this site as it’s something Rori’s tools will help you with right away!

    here’s what i noticed:

    “I felt awkward with his huffy attitude and did not say anything”

    in this case, the confident, expressive thing to do that Rori would teach is to Express your feelings…

    do not make ‘excuses’ for him (we were tired, caffeinated)

    and don’t tolerate being treated in a way that feels bad

    that would look like stopping and saying “wow i feel awkward… this feels bad…”

    and then he will respond

    and you will respond again to that with feelings and don’t wants

    such as “I’m feeling disconnected… i don’t want to feel this way”

    or “i don’t want to walk around separately… this feels bad”

    ***

    and much in your post – i feel excited about this too – gave me the impression that you Are naturally using some of the tools already

    such as dating other men, And, when you said he called you 4 days later, (i am assuming you didn’t call him )… it sounds like you’re leaning back and letting him pursue

    chances are, this guy just didn’t cut it

    but there is some areas you can grow and heal that you can practice about expressing your feelings and don’t wants!



  81.  #81Daria on September 1, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    Grace – there are lots of experts in the female of relationship psychology… and many ideas from the past were and are helpful in understanding this dynamic

    there’s literally hundreds if not thousands of authors who write about male and female dynamics and energies

    but no one has felt as inspiring to me as Rori… and her tools are designed by her and most importantly … they work!



  82.  #82Ice Princess on September 1, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    #61 FW,

    I said okay to watching his kids for a lot of reasons. One being that we used to live together and my kids enjoy time with his kids. He has helped me with my children when I had to to things before too. I do feel bad when I have to stay home and someone has to go out but I know where that comes from. My ex-husband used to do this to me often even when I was pregnant. I am working on not taking this out on other men.



  83.  #83Nancy on September 1, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    Oh, cool, Lilybelly. It was that way for me, too. I felt like I’d always known a relationship could happen easily and quickly, with no over functioning on my part. Once I had that affirmed and had a list to follow, I screened men very quickly and weeded them out til my honey plucked me up! Now, I’m using Rori’s stuff to help me remember how to keep from over functioning, respect the masculine, be the girl, etc. Getting married was actually very easy. Being married, not so much! lol



  84.  #84Daria on September 1, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    DE – im feeling uncomfortable

    i feel afraid that any tweaks i would make – though there is much so superb that needs no tweaking in there! – will come out ‘raining on your parade’ and I would feel bad after

    i feel unsure reading ‘feel free’ – and i appreciate your responding and your permitting me – but for myself i no longer feel compelled to

    i don’t want to comment on it right now unless i’m asked to or approached for help – and you would want me to and you would find it helpful



  85.  #85Daria on September 1, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    i would tweak my last part to … and it is wanted and would feel helpful

    🙂

    i love me

    i feel like i really am healing!

    i want to continue babystepping here!

    this could be huge if i heal my fear of sharing that i feel excited that i noticed something that i might help with…

    without advising without being asked!

    wow that might heal something in my family dyanmics

    that would feel amazing!

    yawn

    i m feeling good and excited!!



  86.  #86DE on September 1, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    Daria:

    aww…:) thank u for not ‘raining on my parade’…i feel smiley reading it…lol

    yes, i feel proud of myself…darn it…are u kidding me??!! heck ya…i felt great 🙂 i managed getting out of a pithole…of feeling awful…and end up feeling soo powerful and wonderful…:)

    warm hugs,



  87.  #87Lilybelly on September 1, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    85:

    Jumpin’ in here..

    I thought it was great how you pulled out the curiosity tool from your handy, dandy bag and it changed everything..

    Good stuff, DE!



  88.  #88DE on September 1, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    Daria:

    speaking of Goddesses….last nite, I felt being Yemaya…:)

    warm hugs,



  89.  #89DE on September 1, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    Lilybelly:

    Aww…so sweet of u…thank u 🙂

    Yes, Daria actually mentioned the curiosity tool a while back to me…and it came out handy 🙂

    warm hugs,



  90.  #90Daria on September 1, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    wow did you guys know there’s a havetherelationshipyouwant facebook page where rori interacts with people!

    i just found it!!

    http://www.facebook.com/havetherelationshipyouwant?sk=wall



  91.  #91Daria on September 1, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    from the facebook page:

    Rori, what do I look at in myself if I keep attracting feminine energy men? And I guess, what is even worse is that I am attracted to them.

    S- do you WANT a masculine energy man? Feminine energy men can be charming, artistic, great in bed…if he can communicate with you – you might be able to make it work. It’s only when we’re UNHAPPY that there’s a problem – and if you’re willing to row the boat at least some of the time, and stand your ground when you don’t want to – it can work. It can also be exhausting – so you’ll need to keep great track of what you’re really feeling – and express it as much as possible with him. Love, Rori



  92.  #92Daria on September 1, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    i know i want a masculine energy one cuz i always was attracted to what i called a ‘dominant man’ – more dominant than me…

    i thought he would have to beat me in battle for me to submit

    haha

    feels interesting!!



  93.  #93Lilybelly on September 1, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    5: FW~

    Thank you for thinking of me You are right on….

    Tuesday and Wednesday are our days. First up Mel, then me. 🙂



  94.  #94Daria on September 1, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    more from fb

    How are you trained to get attention? A woman I know complains, sees problems and fault everywhere, and cannot seem to appreciate people when they do caring things for her. The amazing thing is – this attitude actually gets her the attention she craves! BUT…what kind of attention IS it that shows up? I call this “Pulling Flak” and seeing it as “love.” What looks like love to you? Love, Rori

    L – wow…you’re “doing” amazing! For me – the only place there’s work is catching myself in my head and dropping down into my heart (what that feels like for me may be totally different from what that feels like for you…) and paying attention to myself. If I can catch myself “doing” I can make choices about that doing from moment to moment. Where I want to put my attention. Love, Rori



  95.  #95Daria on September 1, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    wow i just had a ‘duh’ moment ( whoa feels surprising i called it a ‘duh’ which felt a lil bad – instead of an ‘aha’)

    the whole ‘dominant man who will beat me in battle’

    is probably from my parent’s relationship!

    they have always fought but it does seem my dad gets more dominant – even if it is not a feel good thing!

    wow!! no wonder i built a concept like that!!

    now i feel somewhat more secure about their relationship too!

    and wow ! this ties in to the article too!!



  96.  #96alias girl on September 1, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    #73 nancy, thanks. i feel interested in that book “The List, How To Tell If He’ll Marry You In 30 Day Or Less”.

    i might check it out. i have made a note to myself.



  97.  #97Daria on September 1, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    “And more on this “villain” business: What would it FEEL like to have no one (even ourselves) to blame? I know for myself that it feels “all at sea” sometimes to have no one to point the finger at. It’s like coming up with a whole new vision of the world. Without a “villain” – there’s no “right.” There just…IS. What do you do with your anger when there’s no one (especially yourself) to lay it on? Love, Rori”



  98.  #98AmazingMe on September 1, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    Hello sirens! Good evening to you. Well study class is over and I am ready to hammer this test.Yay! Well now I just gotta take care of business until then. Maybe I can find some CD’s in this forced time off…hmmm



  99.  #99Ariadne on September 1, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    Faith,
    I am new to the community here. I just want to say something here….Your name is Faith…please have some “Faith”……Whatever is meant to be will be. I have faith that you will get this. I Know your sorrow…please think of your name when you get all effed up about this guy. I have faith in you. Have faith in yourself. There are no mistakes….just lessons. Some people come for a reason…some for a season..some for a lifetime. Decide! My heart to you. Xo



  100.  #100Daria on September 1, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    “This is Glastonbury Tor – pure magic. Can a relationship be magical? I say yes…because the moment I open up and say something to my man that I’m afraid to say, the energy shifts throughout my whole body. Relief and Release floods in, and I feel fuller than I felt before. The relationship changes in that instant. Magic to me. And you? Love, Rori”

    to mom:
    i feel scared to say this… and i feel scared and lonely right now and disconnected from you. and i feel angry.



  101.  #101Daria on September 1, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    “Our English road trip inspired in me a sense of history. The history of my life, and the history of my relationship with my husband. Can we let go of our personal and collective pasts, and re-imagine and rewrite every moment NEW in the way that feels the most good to us as it’s happening, and STILL BUILD on what we’ve learned? Can you let go and still rely on the strengths you’ve gained? Love, Rori”

    omfg – feels terrifying



  102.  #102Daria on September 1, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    and freakin exciting getting a glimpse of yes keeping the good stuff!!

    the rich purplish blues and gold colors and the beautyful birds and dragons



  103.  #103AmazingMe on September 1, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    Sometimes I just feel stuck…like sticky glue. Feeling afraid of being called ungreatful. I am not working and paying nothing to live here. My parents are amazing I have a great relationship with them. On the same token I hate feeling like I have to clean up someone elses mess. I am actually sick of doing it. What about when I get my nursing license and start making money? What then? I mean I want to move out and have a place to call my own but I would rip my parents heart out because my kids. They would be lost without them living here. Is it fair to them? Is it fair to me?



  104.  #104AmazingMe on September 1, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    I feel like I am being a spoiled brat. I mean my sister pays my cell phone bill, my parents pay the bills. I am driving thier old car they gave me! I mean I need to grow the eff up!! I am mad! I am mad I have to be here but greatful does that make sense. I want more for my children and my life and I am working on it but I always feel like I owe someone. I hate that feeling..NV’s kickin in big time! You are a big dummy AmazingMe.



  105.  #105Daria on September 1, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    An Imaginary Relationship was often all I could handle. Real intimacy meant letting a man see my real, vulnerable self – and I couldn’t even touch what that was inside me, much less allow a man to see it. As I learn what’s inside me and love what I discover – everything else in life starts to open up. Are YOU more comfortable with a “relationship” with a man that goes one way – from you to him? Love, Rori

    real vulnerable self

    maybe a woman who judges herself for judging people

    who is clumsy and thinks she looks not very sexy but kinda mannish and icky

    who wants lots of money and status

    so that she can feel safe and

    who feels not safe

    who feels a step away from poverty and for her that means rape

    defenseless and homeless in the world as a woman means being raped

    someone who enjoys putting down and even torturing other people

    someone who is not good with children

    someoone whith a huge ego – need to be admired and be better than

    someone who cries and feels like a 3 year old

    somoene who is hypocritical and deceptive

    who says thers no class or judgements but keeps in teh backpocket for safety knowledge of having class and education and ‘recognized intelligence’

    someone who is terribly afriad of damn near everything

    who freezes up in crucial situations

    who would ‘ruin everything’

    who is frivolous

    and empty headed

    who is not healthy

    who does not have a spirit

    or a natural impulse to be natural and dance and get the rhythm

    someone who gets off rhythm and off key

    whoa!! i dono if that was all that it was about but i feel kinda awed to hear some of the beliefs and judgements i have about msyelf

    i feel ashamed that they are all true

    !!!

    well i Think they are all true but of course they’re not

    even if i don’t believe that

    i feel really surprised to see why im so scared of poverty and homelessness

    i do not want to be raped

    wow

    shaking my head right now its shaking on its own

    feels weird

    i love myself even though i feel icky and nauseaus

    i love my icky and naueasus

    felelng adn i feel like running away from this right now

    i love my running away feeling and that feels like

    blank

    i love my blank



  106.  #106AmazingMe on September 1, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    Football is on!! Yay, football makes me happy 🙂



  107.  #107Daria on September 1, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    Time is an odd thing. If you rush – nothing gets felt or appreciated and everything you want seems so far away. If you have “all the time in the world,” everything you want seems to show up for you without “trying.” Are you finding yourself with a sense of “urgency” a lot of the time? Love, Rori

    yes i feel ‘urgent’ to move out of the house with my parents (mostly visions of my dad now that i think about it)

    im not appreciating 1. that im not in the house with my dad right nwo

    2. that it feels pretty good talking to him on the phone and i don’t feel awful lately

    I jsut feel terrified that i will go bsack there and feel emotionally drained and stuck

    i have felt it so many times before!

    and yet i’ve still been transforming… hmmm

    i have all the time in the world

    but i feel angry about feeling put down !!!

    umf!!
    i don’t feel safe!

    well i kinda do, but not good

    i feel like my tummy turns

    but the truth is i do have all the time in the world…

    hmmm



  108.  #108Daria on September 1, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    AmazingME – hey ! you are NOT allowed to call yourself a big dummy here!

    that is NOT helpful part of riffing, no way nope not allowed



  109.  #109Daria on September 1, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    just realizing i just posted awful things about myself but my purpose was to uncover them!

    and heal them!!

    if that was your purpose AmazingME… forgive me for butting in

    but no way i do NOT want to see yourself putting yourself down!



  110.  #110AmazingMe on September 1, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    I know Daria it just a negative voice, but I never mind I like when u butt in..lol. Much love to you and your thoughts. I am still AMAZINGME!



  111.  #111Xti on September 1, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    I’m relating on several levels – from the post to the comments to recommended readings.

    The post brings to my mind a feeling of agreement that yes, healthy arguments are part of good marriages. At the same time, as someone who spent years trying every way under the sun to improve a marriage to a toxic man, I feel a need to emphasize the word “healthy”.

    I need that reminder even now, that the focus is on healthy not argument. Conflict resolution is even better.

    And on the comments – I am feeling blessed right now because by all accounts, I have the man described in #29. He is all that and more.

    And this is my first time hearing about “The List” but at first glance, yes… he did all 7 things within the first month… and he continues to do them. He doesn’t speak of a wedding, but that is at my request since I don’t want to remarry. He does talk about forever though and has since the 3rd day.

    I’m still curious though… what do any sirens think about the possibility of CDing several List Men at the same time? Is that even feasible?



  112.  #112AmazingMe on September 1, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    My period is just kickin my ass, I am moody as hell, hungry just want to eat, tired, and I am just a hot mess. LOL..I love my hot mess self 🙂



  113.  #113Daria on September 1, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    “Marina and Joan – To me – it’s about my own woundedness. It’s like being attracted to an angry man. It feels good in some way because then I don’t have to deal with my own anger – he takes care of it for me. And If I take care of his wounds, I don’t have to acknowledge my own. Love, Rori”

    wow

    so maybe im attracted to poor men – men who don’t have financial security

    because then i don’t have to deal with my own poorness

    duh! oops i mean aha

    yeah… cuz i definitely feel uncomfortable and judge myself around ‘not poor’ men…

    but its been healing…

    babysteps!



  114.  #114AmazingMe on September 1, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    Re 110…good for you! I am glad to hear romance does still happen and is felt by couples.



  115.  #115Daria on September 1, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    “If Circular Dating feels like too much work or scary – now’s the time to be aware that you want to run to the familiar and away from the unfamiliar (and likely putting too much work into it instead of using Circular Dating to practice just Being…). Now’s the time to get curious. Curious about him, and curious about you. Let me know how this “I want to go home” thing works with you. Love, Rori”



  116.  #116Daria on September 1, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    What would it be like to have all the time in the world? What if you could move so slowly that you could feel every tiny, minute, infinitesimal speck of movement, every moment of what your body is doing on a deep, internal level as you move? Try doing this with your eyes… try doing this with your arms and then with your hands… and try doing this with a man. Let me know what you discover! Love, Rori

    omg wiht my eyes!

    that feels awesome



  117.  #117AmazingMe on September 1, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    If a man says to a woman, he knows is in love with him, I wish I could have met you 10 years ago. You woulda been a nice catch. What the eff does that mean!!



  118.  #118Diana on September 1, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    Daria,
    It’s hard for me to describe my situation. My X boyfriend contacts me every few months just to ask how I’m doing. Sometimes he flirts and compliments me and other times he acts stand offish. I had already given up on him. I told him that he was not what I was looking for or what I wanted, and his response was that he was good with that, but he continues to call me every few months. I felt I had gotten over him but this last time that he contacted me I felt all the old feelings again. We talked about what was new in our lives. We also talked about when we had been together what it had been like. He then asked me to go over to his house to spend the night(which I did not do). So I guess I just need to get over him again. I just recently subscribed to Rori’s program and I have watched the video’s. I have been trying to practice some of the tools. I am waiting to recieve some the dvd’s in the mail. I have not started circular dating, Im not sure where or how to start.



  119.  #119Daria on September 1, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    AmazingMe – it means he’s giving her a compliment!

    and that’s it… if he wants to pursue her… he will



  120.  #120Daria on September 1, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    Diana – start by reading the articles here on the blog (organized on the sidebar) about Circular Dating

    get clear that the purpose is Therapy

    and… write a profile…the quicker the better… using feeling messages about what you like in your life… a guidebook to you … short is fine

    put it here so we can tweak it for you

    get some beautiful pictures of yourself – professional is great, glamour is great

    one full body at least and one showing your upper torso and face

    and sign up for free match.com and pof.com

    online is great to meet men because 1. you don’t have to Do anything – so its easy!

    2. it allows men to find YOU… without input from YOU – so you won’t be run by past patterns that didn’t work

    we’ll all support you and help you!!



  121.  #121alias girl on September 1, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    i’ve already logged in many hours at my new venture before he has even hired me!!!!!

    i love me!

    i feel excited!

    the meeting went really well!



  122.  #122alias girl on September 1, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    also this new venture person in charge had found all my blogs and stuff online. he said ‘i found it funny and entertaining but others may not.’

    i said, ‘i don’t care. if people don’t accept me then that is not the right place for me.’

    ——

    i am me. i am authentically me. i am not running for president here. i am not teaching in a public school. i am an entertainer, a communicator, a funster, a writer, a singer.

    i am being the change i wish to see in the world.

    and if someone is uncomfortable with that then i would rather line up with someone who appreciates what i have to offer.

    and this guy seems to! and i appreciated him! and that’s just what i envisioned for myself!!!



  123.  #123Nini/Meemee on September 1, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    Hi Sirens
    After a long long time I am posting here. I had a severe bronchitis and was in hospital. Then my parents took me to their place and was under treatment for a month. I was completely away from internet. I badly wanted to come here and post here many a time. But didnt have ay access to net.

    Its hard to catch up with whats happeig here since I was away for an awfully long time. I am readig RR’s post one by one.

    Hope all of you are doing fine. I missed this blog dearly during the days of my illess.

    Love you
    Nini (Meemee)



  124.  #124Ella on September 1, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    Hmmm,

    I was trying to sleep and my mind was spinning around and around with worry about financial problems.

    I was stressing so much and worrying about all the stuff I have to do today… and that I would not be able to do it on another night of very little sleep.

    After a few hours of tossing and turning I decided to get up, make some tea and actually start work on sorting my finances. I figured I was no going to sleep anyway.

    Well I just sat up all night… I worked out what my debts are exactly and what I need to do to pay them off.

    Then I did a budget working out what I am hoping to earn against what I spend.

    And I felt scared, and shocked, and I am going to need to make some pretty big changes if I am to get myself out of this debt situation.

    And some of them I really didn’t want to have to make, like finding a cheaper hairdressers.

    But I need to.

    And in some ways maybe it is a good thing.

    It really is time to slow down and de-clutter and learn to live a bit more frugaly.

    I have been quite snobby in my view of this way of living before… thinking ‘why should I give up the nice things I want? I will just earn more’ and in truth that is not even making me happy because I am so rushed I do not appreciate anything.

    So really time to try something different and maybe I can actually make this work with the cutting down on alcohol and going out, feeling my feelings, slowing down, learning to recieve etc…

    And I feel REALLY afraid, that I won’t be able to handle it.

    And I also feel calmer and relieved in some ways… like the pressure is off.

    There is so much I wanted to do when I earnt enough money, including teeth whitening etc… and the truth is that is just going to wait.

    And I am going to need to learn to LOVE and accept myself just as I am right now.

    Anyway have an idea this might all actually be a blessing in disguise.

    Right now it is very early morning here. I have been up all night, and I am going to have to call in and cancel my first work appointment which I HATE doing.

    However sometimes it is just the way it goes… and I really needed this time to get sorted.

    I needed to prioritise me.

    Feeling sleepy now but much calmer.

    And just need to keep remembering to go slow and love me and enjoy the moment… it is fine!



  125.  #125Ella on September 1, 2011 at 9:55 pm

    Feeling guilty about no be able to fulfil work obligations, and also realising that I want to be more selective about what work I take on from now on…



  126.  #126Ella on September 1, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    Just need to trust now that the work will come and enough money will come. I will be taken care of.

    And I am feeling vulnerable and nervous.



  127.  #127Alicia on September 1, 2011 at 11:01 pm

    I am ready for a fresh start! A empowered peaceful fresh start… In all areas of my life.

    I am finally out of my shell again. Slowly but, I am really engaging in life again. Feeling all my feelings and speaking them. Even fears and anger. I watch them just transition smoothly.. So much more emotionally confident.

    Thank Heavens!



  128.  #128English Woman on September 2, 2011 at 12:04 am

    #122 MEEMEE!!! 😀

    It feels so good to hear from you and I hope you are fully recovered from your illness.

    I have often wondered how you were getting on these days. It’s great to see you back on Siren Island.

    I changed my name from BarbinOz BTW.

    xxx



  129.  #129Nini/Meemee on September 2, 2011 at 12:53 am

    Hi English Woman
    How wonderful to hear from you. I read one of the earlier posts in which you were asking about me. I am so happy that I am in your thoughts.
    I am fine my dear. Not fully recovered. But getting better day by day.
    I spent the entire sick bed time reading crime fictions. 11 of them in a month. LOL.
    I am just back to my house from my parental house. So struggling to find pace. In the last one month I nearly forgot that I have a PhD to do 🙂 🙂
    How are you doing these days.
    Love
    Nini



  130.  #130Nanceen on September 2, 2011 at 2:51 am

    Anybody here? 🙂



  131.  #131Sammie on September 2, 2011 at 3:08 am

    Hi Nanceen,

    How are you?

    Sammie



  132.  #132nanceen on September 2, 2011 at 3:27 am

    Who are you Sammie? Are you new to this blog?



  133.  #133Daria on September 2, 2011 at 4:46 am

    ok so my dream last nite… i remember i was at this guy’s and his girlfriends record store or soemthing… and it was far away and he had to show me the way back to the freeway
    but i got lost anyway

    then later my friend D was driving a big white van, and me and these two other twin girls were in it, he was driving it fast and crazy and on a freeway overpass we spun out and it flew over the side

    and i remember saying ‘do you think we’re gonna make it guys? cuz it seemed kinda like surprising that it was really happening’

    and then we landed… right side up, and all that happened was a tire in the back blew out, and we were still on a freeway in traffic and D tried to keep driving and we spun out again at whcih point he finally stopped

    so i had not had a bad feeling in my gut and i was like i could tell we were gonna make it

    and then we pushed the van into a place

    adnt then i was arguing with my mom about me wanting to do what i want to do coaching and her giving me advice on anything but as if shes not hearing me at all

    and i was eating an intersting stacked sandwich of salami pickles and potato chips

    and then at the end i was Usher and people were saying wow you know how to accessorize because i was wearing intersting black shiny jewelry



  134.  #134Lyka on September 2, 2011 at 5:18 am

    Ella – #123:

    I enjoyed reading your post, putting yourself first feels healthy to me.

    In March 2010, I de-cluttered my life, gave up or sold everything I had and took a nice trip out west (British Columbia and Saskatchewan) last summer. It felt liberating.

    Now I live in a one and a half, I don’t have tv, I don’t own anything superfluous and I feel so light. Like you, I wasn’t even appreciating what I had anymore. Now, I don’t have much but I appreciate what I have. And the funny thing is, it didn’t even feel hard to do.



  135.  #135Patricia on September 2, 2011 at 5:19 am

    good morning Chickies

    I have been thinking of all of us on this blog…..reading when I can…..I can relate to Rori’s latest post………..I feel sad when I think of the years I feel I lost in a marriage where conflict did not get resolved…….only pushed away…..or manipulated away…….that can happen too, when one person wants to deal with it and the other just doesn’t know how…….eventually it can come to a head……and the cracks in the relationship over the years get bigger and eventually it can all fall away like it should……..

    in this new relationship I’m in with LD all is good……still connected with my other guy friends, but LD connection feels strong and healthy and good and is growing organically (I love that term)….and trying to keep things clear and open…..feels good.

    love to us all….
    xo



  136.  #136Wildflower on September 2, 2011 at 5:26 am

    feeling FURIOUS and pissed off and judged. i love my fury. it feels like movement and sickness in my chest. i’m imaginging brething it out. i feel so helpless and frustrated as it is living so far away. now while i’m here visiting i wanted to help and my decision was just overrided without talking to me first and i feel so pissed off. i love my pissed offness it feels like tension in my body.



  137.  #137Patricia on September 2, 2011 at 5:35 am

    wildflower……can you share what’s going on?



  138.  #138AmazingMe on September 2, 2011 at 5:56 am

    RE 118: Daria, Am I just a negative thinker in this situation because I did not take it as a compliment. I took it as ok if he would have met her 10 years ago she WOULD have been a catch but now she is not a catch. What did you think?



  139.  #139Wildflower on September 2, 2011 at 6:17 am

    hey Patricia! 🙂 Thanks for asking but I don’t feel comfortable writing out the story for some reason. I appreciate you asking though.



  140.  #140Patricia on September 2, 2011 at 6:34 am

    sure, understandable….sounds like you want a voice in something and you weren’t given a chance…..I hope you find your way through it………..I don’t like feeling unheard or ignored or discounted either…….

    I’m glad you do feel comfortable sharing the feelings around it……



  141.  #141Wildflower on September 2, 2011 at 7:09 am

    Thanks Patricia. Discounted is the perfect word. I feel very discounted and I have recently with a few things. And i feel more angry at myself right now that i didn’t say anything. i just got quiet and left and felt angry. i love my quietness but it is a part of me i want to heal. especially around conflict. i felt so angry and pissed off at the time because it revolved around something that is very important to me and I believe i am good at so i guess my NV said, “well if noone will listen to you when it comes to this stuff then they must think you’re a total idiot.” This thought feels soooo bad. It feels like a huge lump in my throat. I am choosing to believe it’s not so much my issue as it is the other person’s control freakiness at times. This thought feels more calming. I admit I feel a bit frustrated at this point because I am struggling with the words. I want to express that I feel confidant with nutritional related things and I would feel better if things were discussed with me first. I do understand where they are coming from but I also had limited knowledge at the time but now that I know I could easily make a better decision. I admit I don’t know everything but I have a lot of knowledge about this since it is my passion. Not sure if I’m making any sense.



  142.  #142Esteemed on September 2, 2011 at 7:33 am

    Hello, I have a miracle! I have a place to stay temporarily!

    As of Saturday, I am going to be staying with my pets at someone’s house while they fix and clean and sell it! The family goes to my church. They can’t keep up with their mortgage, so they are moving this Saturday to a rental. The husband is both physically and mentally disabled (I think it’s Cerebral Palsy).

    So I will be helping them, both financially and with my time and effort to fixing it up for sale, while I have the help of having a place to stay!

    “The atmosphere for a miracle is difficulty. If it is to be a great miracle, then the atmosphere is not difficulty, but impossibility!” (from Streams in the Desert)

    To me, this is God’s vote, once again, for me to keep my pets!

    This is a miracle!



  143.  #143Esteemed on September 2, 2011 at 7:38 am

    P.S. I have been at the motel since Tuesday, and I will check out Saturday. Thankfully, it is a pet-friendly motel AND cheap!

    I went to Dress for Success.org on Tuesday and they gave me nice clothes and accessories for my new job! I got 2 dresses, 2 suit jackets, 3 blouses, a beautiful cranberry red Liz Claiborne purse, a necklace, earrings, and two decorative scarves! I was with Miho, and she called a friend who owns a consignment shop to see if she had any shoes in my size. She didn’t, but she welcomed me to come over to find some clothes. I got a beautiful matching skirt and blouse set and some nice quality black pants. Her friend gave them to me at no charge! It was all such a blessing, and I feel so confident going into my new job!



  144.  #144tinque on September 2, 2011 at 7:48 am

    This sounds so amazing Esteemed. My heart fill up with gratitude for YOU. You are a true testament to not giving up, not ever, and look, it has paid off and then some.

    xxoo



  145.  #145T-Girl on September 2, 2011 at 7:52 am

    Esteemed – I am very excited for you. It seems like everything is falling into place just perfectly!



  146.  #146AmazingMe on September 2, 2011 at 8:11 am

    Esteemed Great news Good For you!! You never gave up and are a true inspiration!!



  147.  #147Lilybelly on September 2, 2011 at 8:30 am

    Seriously, Esteemed~ You have been an inspiration to overcoming adversity. I feel so happy for you and so very proud to know you.

    You are on your way, girl! It is so.



  148.  #148Lilybelly on September 2, 2011 at 8:35 am

    121:

    You GO, girl!

    Man, AG, I am so loving your vibe!



  149.  #149Susan on September 2, 2011 at 8:38 am

    Esteemed,

    I am so relieved to hear you will have a roof over your head (and a decent one at that!)



  150.  #150Patricia on September 2, 2011 at 8:57 am

    @140 Wildflower
    yes for sure makes perfect sense for me……I remember hearing the phrase “we teach other people how to treat us by what we say and do”….that was a bit hit for me…..made me realize I had to have my voice and trust that what I was saying was valuable…but I understand the struggle…..I go quiet sometimes too when I feel unheard….almost like I have to regroup and decide how I want to respond…but getting better at voicing my opinion assertively without attaching to the outcome….almost like it’s the voice being heard that becomes more important than the results after awhile…ironically the results start to fall in to place…..and we become women of our word…people learn that we mean what we say and then there is respect….and i think it makes me a better listener in the end too…… a work in progress……it is our work afterall lol it sure feels better when I learn to use my voice….yours will come………….xo

    🙂



  151.  #151Wildflower on September 2, 2011 at 9:09 am

    Esteemed I feels so, so happy for you!



  152.  #152Wildflower on September 2, 2011 at 9:12 am

    Patricia,

    Thank you. I felt better reading what you wrote!



  153.  #153Femininewoman on September 2, 2011 at 9:13 am

    Alicia great to see you again. Happy to know things are shifting for you.



  154.  #154Daria on September 2, 2011 at 9:14 am

    Yay Esteemed … i feel like sobbing i feel so happy for you! omg!! whew!



  155.  #155Femininewoman on September 2, 2011 at 9:16 am

    Nini I feel happy to see you are back here and getting over your illness. Hope your trip to Europe was successful. It seems you are back home?



  156.  #156Senior Lady Vibe on September 2, 2011 at 9:16 am

    @33: Mercedes says:
    “…I’ve been so busy but I’m still reading here and have some extra time on my hands. This:
    ‘Here’s the bottom line: every relationship has issues.’
    is one of the most commonly heard limiting beliefs I’ve ever encountered.
    And this:
    ‘but in fact, the number one predictor of divorce is the avoidance of conflict.’
    has no actual data to support it and since a LOT of people get divorced without ever having the reason noted on a statistic, I’d say it’s not really a “fact”.

    Hmmm….maybe I’ll pick a fight over my vacation with J this weekend so we can be sure to stay happy. LOL (does that sound super ridiculous to anyone other than me???)…”

    Hi Mercedes,
    Yes it does sound nonsensical. And we know you’d never do that.
    LOL 😀
    But people will grab at the ridiculous when they are less aware and also desperate.

    I’m glad to see you here again on the blog…

    xoxo
    SLV



  157.  #157Daria on September 2, 2011 at 9:18 am

    AmazingMe – I took it as you are great but *I* the man have issues and complications now (that’s what I guessed at, so someone else might hear it a million other ways)

    either way, it felt kinda weird, even assuming it’s a compliment

    i would have said, “thank you, that feels kinda weird”

    or ‘whoa i feel weird… im feeling confused’ if i thought it might be a diss



  158.  #158Mel on September 2, 2011 at 9:24 am

    Hi sirens!

    I’m all moved in! Long day… trouble putting my bed together, but it’s up now! I’m going to actually have a nap on it soon, I think. No sleep is making me feel really emotional. lol

    It feels good overall, but I’m a little overwhelmed with the realities of being on my own. I had some good friends get me through last night via text/email though. It will get better. I might have to do some bribing/flirting if I need furniture put-together again though… it’s really hard doing that myself.

    I like my place. Trying to figure out where to put stuff. I think I’ll paint the kitchen. Not sure what color… something bright & cheerful.

    This morning I awoke to a nice text. I had been chatting with a new guy who I discovered is actually from the same province as me. He’s been away on a trip to Chicago and messaged me to see how my move went. Hopefully we can get together soon.

    A guy from work also asked me out to a baseball game this weekend.

    So potentially 4 dates this weekend if “D,” the guy who loves the bees, comes through. And since I have one coffee date already scheduled. I’m going to be a busy girl!



  159.  #159Femininewoman on September 2, 2011 at 9:26 am

    AmazingMe it sounded to me like he was making reference to his own current inability to get involved with her now. I would just respond hhhhhhmmmm. Unless he is available or pursuing I can’t see the value in paying attention to his words. For me it would be just noticing how I feel when hearing those words.



  160.  #160Femininewoman on September 2, 2011 at 9:27 am

    Congrats Mel. Just curious…any updates on your ex. Seems you are so totally focussed on you, you have not mentioned him in a while.



  161.  #161Mel on September 2, 2011 at 9:35 am

    FW,

    He helped me move yesterday and is now on his way to his new job/life in a different city about 3 hours away. Other than that, no real news.



  162.  #162alias girl on September 2, 2011 at 9:38 am

    #147 lilibelly thank you. i feel good to read that. i feel seen and heard for good things that are happening in my life. 🙂

    i feel very appreciative as this is all new for me. i feel good.



  163.  #163Femininewoman on September 2, 2011 at 9:40 am

    Mel I am wondering if it would be good to break all ties/communication for several months to see what happens?



  164.  #164alias girl on September 2, 2011 at 9:41 am

    Esteemed i have been thinking of you and i feel so good to read this news. i feel relief and encouragement.

    and new clothes is GREAT! nice clothes help me feel good!

    and yes, you got to keep your pups. 🙂

    all feels good to read.



  165.  #165Lyka on September 2, 2011 at 9:42 am

    Esteemed, that’s great news! I’m truly happy for you! That’ll take some pressure off your shoulder for sure! 🙂



  166.  #166Patricia on September 2, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Mel
    congratulations on all the good news and the 4 CDs this weekend….girl you are on your way!
    xo



  167.  #167Mel on September 2, 2011 at 9:58 am

    FW,

    I plan not to contact him at all unless he contacts me. I suppose if I had some sort of emergency, I might reach out, but other than that, I’m going incommunicado.



  168.  #168Mel on September 2, 2011 at 10:13 am

    Hmm… there may be a 5th interested in a weekend date!

    I’m just penciling them in in the order that they contact me to firm-up plans. So far two confirmed with date, time, place.

    Sorry bee guy, my dance card fills up fast! Sunday afternoon’s still open so far… but who knows for how long! None of this “maybe we should…” and then not getting back to me. I’ve got places to go, people to see! lol



  169.  #169Diana on September 2, 2011 at 10:18 am

    Femininewoman: Thank you! That helps me put things into perspective and not be so confused.



  170.  #170Diana on September 2, 2011 at 10:37 am

    Daria: I was on several singles sites. I went out on several dates. I found that once I met them in person I wasnt attracted to them.I would corespond with most of the emails that I would recieve but would only give out my number after feeling sure that I was interested in the person after speaking with them over the phone, once I felt comfortable we met. After my last date, I felt discourage, I felt like I was waisting my time online and I deleted my accounts.

    This is what I had on my profile under what I was looking for: Somewhere out there is a great guy that will value all the great qualities that I have to offer. I am a fun loving person. I like to stay positive and look on the bright side of things. Life is what you make it.Right now I’m loving life and enjoying the things I like to do and I would like somone to share that with. I have never been married and I don’t have kids. I like to have fun, and stay busy. I have many interests and hobbies. I consider myself a creative person, I like to paint and draw during some of my pass time. I also like to go out from going to the movies, to camping.I have an adventure side, I love to travel and see new places and try new things.

    On Another singles site I posted this on my profile:

    Somewhere out there, is a great guy that will value all the great qualities that I have to offer. I am a fun loving person. I like to stay positive and look on the bright side of things. Life is what you make it. I have never been married and I don’t have kids. I like to have fun, and stay busy. I have many interests and hobbies. I consider myself a creative person, I like to paint and draw during some of my pass time. I also have a passion for cooking and baking. I like to go out, anywhere from going to the movies, to camping.I have an adventurous side and I can be spontaneous . I love to travel and see new places and try new things.

    Perfect Match

    I would like to meet someone who knows what they want and is interested in getting to know me. Someone who is done playing the field and is interested in the more meaningful things in life..



  171.  #171alias girl on September 2, 2011 at 10:43 am

    omg. i am so awesome.

    i am saying the most uncomfortable things. and after i do i feel like superwoman.

    i feel so uncomfortable to do so though. to ask tough questions. to express my true feelings. and yet i am doing it more and more.

    omg. i feel simultaneously sick to my stomach and also very pat myself on the back.



  172.  #172faith on September 2, 2011 at 10:48 am

    Mel I admire your attitude.. You are putting yourself first in every situation. Unlike you I still havent been able to circular date and I see youre doing great!! And then it seems you can care less about your ex boyfriend.. Wow.. you are just doing great!! good job..



  173.  #173tinque on September 2, 2011 at 10:53 am

    alias girl – you rock. yay…

    xxoo



  174.  #174tinque on September 2, 2011 at 10:53 am

    Mel – You sound SO amazing. I can’t express in words how great that makes me feel. 🙂

    xxoo



  175.  #175Mel on September 2, 2011 at 11:02 am

    You can do it Faith!

    Start small. When I decided to finally try it, I really did so hesitantly. I was scared and not terribly into it.

    I started by just being more open with those I contacted daily. Guys at work, smiling at random people in shops etc. Even this has given a good response.

    Then for online stuff… at first I thought I’d just test the waters. Maybe just to flirt a little through email and nothing more.

    When I was comfortable I met a couple of them in convenient stress-free places.

    Honestly, online dating has been fun and I’m glad I tried it. Not sure if it’s conducive to meeting “the one” (not that I’m ready for that anyway) but it’s definitely good therapy! It’s helping me to be more relaxed about the loser guys that don’t follow through because there’s always another to take his place. I’m not taking things so personally and can just say “oh well!”

    Just start small Faith! You can do it!



  176.  #176Mel on September 2, 2011 at 11:03 am

    Thanks Tinque!



  177.  #177faith on September 2, 2011 at 11:13 am

    Thanks Mel!! I will eventually try it (i still dont know about online) but I just want to feel better myself first…. I want to have your same attitude of “whatever” or “oh well” ….. I LOVE THAT!! i want to be able to shake it off so easily and continue on with my life.. that is my goal!!
    Seriously.. keep up the good work!! you seem so happy!!



  178.  #178Mel on September 2, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Faith… honestly, that’s WHY you should CD. To feel better! It’s only when I started to treat myself well and allow myself to be open to the attention of others that I started to feel like my happy self again. You will be amazed at the difference it makes in your attitude. Believe me, I was super resistant at first too, but just decided one day… what have I got to lose?



  179.  #179alias girl on September 2, 2011 at 11:31 am

    172 tinque. thank you. xoxo



  180.  #180faith on September 2, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Its just that my mind/heart/everything is still with my ex.. and i have no interest in getting out and meeting anyone……yes that sounds so ugly but its just how i feel.. I know i need to open my eyes and stop with this ridiculousness b/c I cannot live this way. I am only 25 years old and stilllllll sprung on some stupid idiot boy (b/c he is not a man) that did not appreciate me!! So yes.. i know i need to get over it and start CD its just not natural for me right now.. I have never dated many guys at once and sometimes feel its not me.. but I DO want to try it just b/c I get advice on here from you and others to try CD…..
    And i really do like the feedback i get on here so i really do want to give all the advice a chance/try.
    What i have done and stuck with is not contacting my ex – which is unbelievable…. Then when i got advice on here.. everyone was telling me the same thing to not even try to call him.. and i havent..



  181.  #181Emoticon on September 2, 2011 at 11:43 am

    FW, and well all Sirens actually

    My ex bf’s gf and myself have become good friends, and I gotta say, each relationship is a different entity because it is the combination of 2 different people. BUT he is the same person he was to me, to this girl. She talks to me every night about the problems she’s having with him and it feels like those words are coming straight out of my mouth. Hopefully what i learnt from my experience can be applied by her and they can work through it.

    I’m still not friends with him however. All because I refuse to lean forward and reach out to him even just to be his friend.



  182.  #182Emoticon on September 2, 2011 at 11:45 am

    Mel… I applaud and admire your attitude!!

    Faith we will get to that point, don’t worry. Take enough baby steps and we will be looking back at ourselves at this point and being so grateful for the journey and the point at which we are.

    I have been sorta CDing and it is making me feel A LOT better, more confident, more comfortable in my own skin, more inclined to LEAN BACK, more comfortable just BEING and not DOING.

    I LOVE IT Faith and I KNOW you will too!!



  183.  #183Emoticon on September 2, 2011 at 11:47 am

    Faith, You may not be interested in anyone, but try being curious about everyone!! It helps.

    Think of it as therapy. Talk to everyone. You don’t necessarily have to give your number to everybody but enjoy and learn something from every experience with every man… with every person!! The more interactions, the more practise!



  184.  #184Emoticon on September 2, 2011 at 11:50 am

    All Sirens have a great weekend!! I enjoyed reading all your comments today! 🙂

    Btw ESTEEMED Congratulations on making such strides. Blessings. More power to you!!



  185.  #185Mel on September 2, 2011 at 11:54 am

    Faith, I sooooo get it! I am only 31 (almost 32 yay!) and had been married for 10 years. I was devastated when my marriage failed. I felt like I had failed. I felt like I had invested so much time, and even more energy into this man, and now it was for nothing. I wasn’t interested in anyone else either. It took me a long time to take the advice to CD. You’ll know when you are ready.

    To give you hope though, in less than 4 months I am honestly at the point where I feel like I am better off. I feel more like myself. All of that “wasted” energy is being put back into me. I am realizing that I was REALLY unhappy in the marriage and am starting to feel real happiness again. I’m realizing that while hard, I CAN do things on my own! I am smart, capable, beautiful, funny and special. Incredibly as I see these things in myself, I am finding that others are drawn to me and say they see these very qualities in me.

    I thought I would be homeless (living with my parents) but I found a great place I can afford. I just got approved to finance a new car ( I go pick it up in an hour!!!!) and was amazed to find that I had instant credit approval. I am feeling a lot of abundance coming into my life. So many people have reached out to help, offer friendship, support, advice, and even material things that I need for my place.

    I am just taking it all in and feeling grateful. Most importantly, I know that I DESERVE it! I have been the one to help people for so long… people are just flocking to lend a hand now that I need it. 🙂

    I know that you will get to this place too Faith! Just take your time and baby-step.



  186.  #186Emoticon on September 2, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    Ugh Mel… I know that feeling like everything’s gone down the drain, all your time, energy, effort!! And i was only in this for barely 2 years!! 10 YEARS??? I’m only 21… and I feel like i missed out on experiences being committed to this guy and it failed….. I’ve been thinking a lot about it, and i am actually grateful that that relationship failed, because I learned a lot from it, and from this blog and I feel like I;m finally moving forward!!



  187.  #187AmazingMe on September 2, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    @184 Mel, That is an awesome story! Good for you and what a inspiration!



  188.  #188faith on September 2, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    RE:182 Emoticon:

    Thank you so much!! i am trying get better and not focus so much on my ex (who hasnt contacted me since out break up- 4 months ago). HE is obviously not worried about me so nothing i can do but move on.. It has been HORRIBLE for me.. and i am just trying to get back on my feet!!
    I see that you also went through a break up and were in the relationship for 2 years (same as me). How long has it been since you guys broke up?? how are you feeling?? are you CDing??



  189.  #189Daria on September 2, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    Diana – the way Circular Dating is going to help you, is if you approach it as THERAPY. the goal here is not to ‘get a man you like’ (though men you like will likely show up as you practice)

    but to PRACTICE BEING AUTHENTIC AND OPEN WITH EVERY MAN YOU MEET

    so if you don’t feel attracted to the men you meet at first.. GREAT! It’s much easier to tell the truth to a man you don’t feel very attracted to, than to one that makes you feel shaky and giddy with attraction (but eventually those show up too).

    Get Rori’s book here, it’s $20 learn about Feminine Energy in there and especially about Feeling messages.

    Write a quick profile – ALL FEELING MESSAGES – about things you love to do… if a man had a guidebook to what makes you happy, this would be it…

    For me that might look like “I feel alive and excited on my way out dancing. I feel like fluid life flows through me when I dance, and It feels like a spotlight warms me from the inside when I’m noticed!”

    this might be different for you! keep it positive and poetic, and about how you would feel when happy with a man

    2 paragraphs is plenty

    ***
    Once you start practicing this with the right attitude – that it is PRACTICE – and that you’re not looking for men to be a specific way, and that you can practice great with men you DON”T feel attracted to – you’re going to quickly start seeing the results (by not going for the results – yes it’s counterinutitive) and the quality of men that show up for you is going to improve!

    Read all the Rori articles you can, and sign up for her free newsletters… some of the most powerful tools are in the newsletters themselves.



  190.  #190Esteemed on September 2, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    Thank you everyone! I did give up, but God lifted me out of my situation anyway. Well, I mean I gave up in my heart. But I didn’t give up in the sense of putting my dogs up for adoption, which, if I had, would have opened up any one of four offers I’ve had for housing that did NOT allow the pets.

    So I feel like I got a new life, and I have already turned a new leaf. I am so happy to have you all as my friends, and I really appreciate you! What a unique community of sisters, from around the world! I love each of you! I heard the most fantastic quote yesterday that encapsulates what I am all about:

    “With love, suffering ceases.” ~ Rumi

    So simple, and so profound!



  191.  #191faith on September 2, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    RE:184 MEL:

    Wow Mel.. you are great!! I see that you have been through a lot!! There is nothing but to feel proud of yourself!! I cant imagine 10 YEARS!!!! omgoshhhh thats like a lifetime!! And……im going insanely crazy over 2 years!! You are like SUPER WOMAN!! lol…. seriously.. you are doing so great and one day I want to see myself in your place!! HAPPY and FULL OF LIFE!!!! Thank you for sharing your story with me.. it inspires me to believe that there is more out there than my unappreciative ex boyfriend!! UGH.. even though i say that I miss him dearly!! grrrrrrrr…. I get so mad at myself but in these 4 months since our break up.. I have only been able to focus on him.. and ask myself Why??……….. I just want to get pasted that phase and focus on myself.. and i know little by little i will get there.. like you said baby steps..

    Congrats on everything!! and Happy early BDAY!!:)



  192.  #192Esteemed on September 2, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    Daria,

    RE: #188 – You said, ” “I feel alive and excited on my way out dancing. I feel like fluid life flows through me when I dance, and It feels like a spotlight warms me from the inside when I’m noticed!”

    I love this!!



  193.  #193Daria on September 2, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    Diana – more… the goal is to get practicing – and in front of – as many men as possible…

    that might mean ideally… 2, 3 men a day 10 a week, hundreds of men…

    the more you get practice, the faster you will shift and the more you will get to attracting men that can do relationship and that want to do relationship with you

    short dates 30 – 45 min is fine

    that means, once you are online, you don’t want to spend a lot of time e-mailing – getting in person is where the real therapy happens (if the man doesn’t scare you of course) – so you want to quickly let men know that you don’t want long time e-mails, and give them your number

    and once they call you, again don’t spend long time talking only on the phone, by the first or second phonecall if he has not set a date to meet, you can let them know you are not interested in continuing a phone connection, you are only available for in person meeting

    I realize this is a complete 180* turn from the way many people approach online dating – and… it is the fastest way to become aware of and change your patterns of what doesn’t work with men, and capitalize on what you already have that does work –

    so Babysteps!

    it will heal your life and the way you relate to men



  194.  #194Daria on September 2, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    I have been practicing telling the truth of my feelings with my mom, and don’t wants

    i feel excited that i was able to do it SEVERAL TIMES TODAY

    and i didn’t feel Super Thrilled after, but i am contrasting with how i feel after i say somethign attacking and defenseive (which i said some of that too)

    and after that i feel tense and hard

    but after sharing my feelings and don’t wants, i didn’t feel tense and hard

    and it was about me

    yay!!!

    babysteps!!

    i also talked to my mom about interesting stuff that i felt inspired from the unschooling.com website

    i asked what fish she would be and we talked about what fish we would be and about what book she was reading

    and i showed her my videogame

    yay!!!

    yes healing yes!!



  195.  #195Daria on September 2, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    I have been practicing telling the truth of my feelings with my mom, and don’t wants

    i feel excited that i was able to do it SEVERAL TIMES TODAY

    and i didn’t feel Super Thrilled after, but i am contrasting with how i feel after i say somethign atta*cking and defenseive (which i said some of that too)

    and after that i feel tense and hard

    but after sharing my feelings and don’t wants, i didn’t feel tense and hard

    and it was about me

    yay!!!

    babysteps!!

    i also talked to my mom about interesting stuff that i felt inspired from the unschooling.com website

    i asked what fish she would be and we talked about what fish we would be and about what book she was reading

    and i showed her my videogame

    yay!!!

    yes healing yes!!



  196.  #196Diana on September 2, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    Daria: Thank you for the examples they are very helpful. I’m new to Rori’s program but I think Im starting to understand a little more on what it means to express how I feel. I’m trying to remind myself to think about how I feel at every moment and if I was to tell someone how, I would say it. My order is supposed to arive today, I feel very excited!



  197.  #197Susan on September 2, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    RE: 179: faith

    If you can’t bear the thought of dating other men, try dating yourself. Take yourself to go do something you have never done before and would like to do. When I date myself, I sometimes get a mani/pedi. Other times I go to a movie (by myself or with a girlfriend) or I volunteer – volunteering is a good way to get yourself out of your own head. This past year, I hired an instructor and learned how to sail 22 foot sailboats. It doesn’t matter if it is big or small – just get yourself out of your house and out of your head. Go volunteer to walk the neighbor’s dog! Just don’t sit at home and stare at the wall or the phone.

    Later, you will want to meet men. Sooner is better, but only you will know when you are ready. And when you do start to meet men, keep it light for a while. That is how CDing helps – it keeps you from focusing too much on any one man.



  198.  #198faith on September 2, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    Susan..

    THank you much for your advice!! Yes..i am definitely doing things for myself like mani/pedis all the time.. i also read.. My goal is to feel calm/comfortable/and most importantly happy with my life and where i am at. I want to have faith in God and know that everything happens for a reason.. and that there is so much in life i cant control and i have to learn how to accept and move on….
    This is great feedback thank you Susan..



  199.  #199Daria on September 2, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    Faith – try dating yourself in ways that a man might date you… a man (most likely) won’t take you out reading or getting mani pedis (though it can happen)

    try going out to the movies, and going out to a resaurant, or a picnic… this will likely feel scary… great!!

    go out where there are men, and practice the Rori Raye Dance position and looking people in the eye and smiling



  200.  #200Daria on September 2, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    yay Diana! what did you order? you will want to start with the e-book first… it’s downloadable



  201.  #201Femininewoman on September 2, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    Faith if you do volunteer work and meet men they most likely would be the type that you want to connect with anyway. They likely have taking care of others as part of their value system. Window shopping at the Apple Store is another place you could likely meet guys and be able to get into conversations about technology. I have also met guys at the swimming pool, just sitting in the park and at the tennis court in the park.



  202.  #202Daria on September 2, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    I feels good to read that you like it Esteemed… i felt kinda embarassed writing it.



  203.  #203Femininewoman on September 2, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    Diana keep safety in mind when you do online dating. You will find some tips on the site that I encourage you to read. Bear in mind also that initially it might be best to meet away from home until you get a sense of safety with anyone you decide to meet up with. Be open but always put yourself first.



  204.  #204Senior Lady Vibe on September 2, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    @38: Susan says:
    “… I don’t sit and pine for any man (even though my heart may be breaking inside.)
    I don’t know if the guy you love will come back. We never know. But don’t stop living your life for this guy. Open your arms and heart to the possibilities life has to offer you!…”

    This is so very much the way to go. I always recommend not handing over the key to our happiness to any other person, we must create it for ourselves.

    It requires some effort, some work but… oh… so worth it.

    😀

    xoxo



  205.  #205faith on September 2, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Thank you Daria and Femininewoman!!

    I am going to try this.. in small steps but i am going to try this!! I know i want to get this ex boyfriend out of my head and wasting my days thinking about him.. so YES.. i cant wait to feel better!! Thank you all!!



  206.  #206Femininewoman on September 2, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    Geez Mel my heart feels warm just reading your comments in 184. I am so convinced this second birth is going to evolve in a much better life for you. Wow!!! I feel super impressed.



  207.  #207Femininewoman on September 2, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Faith something I learned from Rori is to say “I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself”. I say it to myself constantly, talking to myself internally. Also to say “blah blah blah” in my head when my mind drifts to any one particular man.



  208.  #208Senior Lady Vibe on September 2, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    @41: Ella says:
    “…What I am realising is that I need a separate account for business from personal…
    …Now the question is how to go about separating the two (business contacts and personal) without upsetting anyone.
    …And who to have where…”

    Yes, I posted so. I get such an odd feeling when I read these words after posting to you about this. This has happened before. I post, sometimes you “thank me” and then it’s as if I never said anything and you continue posting about bad feelings and other anxious events.

    Hmmm. Thinking and wishing the best for you.
    😀

    xoxo



  209.  #209Senior Lady Vibe on September 2, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    Big Weekend, I’ll have to catch up with posts later, maybe much later… I’m only in the fifties…

    Happy Labor Day weekend.

    😀

    xoxo



  210.  #210Femininewoman on September 2, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    Faith he is not stupid or idiotic, he is just him. He does what he wants and frankly at 25 you have a lot of life to live so maybe that is what he has chosen to do. Who knows if he comes back at a later time, you might be bored with him but the possibility exists that he could go out get more mature, find himself a bit and become more clear on what he wants in his life. You I guarantee you will be in a better place emotionally and mentally. As you get to know yourself more and what you want in a relationship you will begin to attract it more easily. It is a relationship you want not any particular man. Accepting that can help you move forward.



  211.  #211faith on September 2, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    RE:202 Senior Lady Vibe:

    I AGREE Senior Lady Vibe!! Susan wrote this to me.. and i completely agree!! this is exactly what i want to do.. its been very hard for me and this is why i decided to get advice from the women on here. They have all given me great advice.. I should not be dwelling/worried about some guy and letting my life go to waste.. it is just so true!! I need to find the strength inside me to motivate myselft to move on!!



  212.  #212Femininewoman on September 2, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    Mel I hope you have plans to paint the town red on your birthday. I can feel your energy behind your words and gosh you sound good.



  213.  #213Senior Lady Vibe on September 2, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    @66: Nancy says:
    “..Married 6 months now…

    …Thanks, Rori!..”

    😀 Glad to see you here, married and following up on things.

    xoxo
    SLV



  214.  #214faith on September 2, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    RE:208 Femininewoman:

    I really like your message.. you are right.. it can be as simple as he just doesnt want to be with me and wants to live his life without feeling held back.. i mean i dont know.. I feel like i was a GREAT girlfriend with great morals and there for him whenever he needed me!! I was good to him, his friend, and his mother!! BUT i guess he just needed space or was just not that into me.. i dont know.. and maybe never will.
    You know what is so crazy.. (which would be great if you can help me understand why) I get really excited when people who give me advice say “you never know he may come back” or when i hear stories of other women that are back with their ex boyfriends. Its like it gives me hope that one day my ex will call me and want me back. I dont know sometimes i think a call from him will make me the happiest women!! so weird!! and crazy to think that way but i do……….



  215.  #215Daria on September 2, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    i feel hot

    i love my hot feeling

    i feel sad

    i love my sad feeling

    i feel spaced out

    i love my spaced out feeling

    and that feels liketingling behind my upper jaw

    i love my tingling behind my jaw

    and that feels like

    sigh

    i love my sigh

    and that feels like yawn

    i love my yawn

    and that feels like head tilt and closing eyes

    i love my head tilt and closing eyes

    and that feels like

    head tilt the other way and yawn

    i love my head tilt the other way and yanw

    and that feels like giggle

    i love my giggle

    and taht feels like
    pinch in my shoulder

    i love the pinch in my shoulder

    and that feels like pinch under my arm and head tilt and half ywan

    i love the pinch under my arm and head tilt and half ywan

    and that feels like

    eha

    i love my eha

    and that fels like swallowing air

    i love my swallowing air

    and taht feels like big yawn

    i love my big yawn



  216.  #216Emerson on September 2, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    I like this article, I want to read it over again and really absorb it. I like that it gives “permission” to “argue”….I sometimes fall into the trap of peace at any cost…and stuff stuff stuff my feelings…
    BUT
    using feeling messages has helped me break out of that, and at times I feel afraid that when I say what I feel, the man I’m talking to might get mad, but usually he replies in a postive way and even warmly….and it does not go sour most of the time.



  217.  #217Daria on September 2, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    Feels so good to read Mel’s post!



  218.  #218Emerson on September 2, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    My new CD went well the other night, I was pleasantly surprised because he was cuter than I thought and very masculine! Yum.
    And super nice and gentlemanly!
    I was impressed, and I was feeling girly cuz I wore a dress. 🙂 yay me!
    He just texted me that he enjoyed my company etc but I am blanking out on what to say in reply! I feel that i would love to see him again and feel open to getting to know him, but I don’t know if that is too leaning forward ish?



  219.  #219Susan on September 2, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    Faith,

    You are relatively new here, so I don’t think you have heard a very important part of my story. Yes, the guy I love came back. And he almost left again. It was at that point that I found Rori and these helpful ladies. I discovered I had been leaning forward a LOT and had been over-functioning a LOT. This turns a guy off – it makes us seem more like a mother to him than someone he is inspired to take care of. This is probably why my guy left the first time. I ‘helped’ so much and ‘did so much for him’ that I put myself in The Friend Zone. A few of the things you write remind me of how I used to be (which is prolly why I respond to you a lot.) Through Rori and this blog, I learned to lean back and stop doing stuff for him. That is when things changed for us. I still cook – I’d feed anyone in my house, male or female. But I lean back more now than I ever have in my entire life and this created a big and good change in him. He now steps up in a way that pleases us both.

    Circular dating is a chance to practice these skills with men you aren’t emotionally invested in.



  220.  #220faith on September 2, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    Susan..

    Thanks for explaining further Susan.. And i really believe you are right.. I was totally over functioning to the point i forgot about myself – like I wouldnt buy or do things for myself b/c i was so devoted to him. Its crazy though b/c when I told him that I couldnt help him as much anymore b/c i had my own responsiblities (towards the end of our relationship) he got upset. But whatever.. Seriously there are so many questions i have that I just really have to say FORGET IT!! Because i will just drive myself crazy.

    I really see myself in your last message.. I did so much………….. BUT what I have NOT done which I got advice from the great ladies here is….. since our break up 4 months ago.. I have NOT contacted him in any way!! that is just great for me..

    Thanks Susan:)



  221.  #221Emoticon on September 2, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    @ Faith…. it ended in June!

    And yes I’m circular dating.



  222.  #222Lilybelly on September 2, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    169:

    For me, Diana..CDing has come to mean this:

    What can *I* give to myself, not what *they* can give to me. They are just a means to an end…ME feeling good.

    If we go “in” expecting something, even if we don’t realize it, we will feel disappointed. This is always about US not about them… If we go in curious and filled with wonderment, we simply can not go wrong.

    🙂



  223.  #223Emerson on September 2, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    Gah I’m having writers block…help…



  224.  #224Lilybelly on September 2, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    220 is also for Faith….

    🙂



  225.  #225Lilybelly on September 2, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    214:

    Me too, Em…

    It really wasn’t until February, when I learned to speak *my* truth and set boundaries with peeps. Before, I wouldn’t say sh(t if I had a mouth full before.
    As a result, I let people walk all over me, push me around and basically treat me like a pile. QUEEN of stuffing. lol

    It’s interesting now that I have taken my power back, how resistant people are to my boundaries…I’m having to train people how to treat me and they aren’t exactly thrilled with it. No matter, it’s their issue, not mine. I am only interested in taking care of me and mine. 😉



  226.  #226Diana on September 2, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Lilybelly that makes a lot of sence to me. I date a lot for months and then, I don’t for months for that same reason. When I don’t date I am not disappointed, I am happy. When I date I have an expectation and I am disappointed. I am going to practice being curious and full of wonderment, Thank you!



  227.  #227Lilybelly on September 2, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    184: Mel~

    …and look at you go, Mel. So honored to have been a party to this transformation.

    PS…Tonight flaked… 😉 Can you hear me saying that oh so wonderful word???



  228.  #228alias girl on September 2, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    #217 susan that felt really good to read.



  229.  #229AmazingMe on September 2, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    You know I feel a lot of pressure to date. My kids want to marry me off already! LOL.. I am just not feeling it right now unless it comes right to me I am done with it right now.



  230.  #230Daria on September 2, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    i feel really good

    in an inside smiling quiet way

    and now i dipped my head to the right and im like a bird staring up and from the side at the screen

    and from over here one side looks lavender and one side looks grape and i love it

    i love purple

    and now i lifted it cuz it felt pinched and it didnt feel good

    and im tilting to the other side now

    and now i feel more like a warthog

    i did teh ask and receive energy shifting on lots of deep strong topics tonite and it felt pleasant and good

    and i did it while tapping eft style

    and theres some shifts some pleasant shifts that feel relaxing and safe and it feels good

    and then cool stuff happened like me interacting with nyguy and it felt good and then some stuff that he said that would trigger me to feel bad didnt really

    i still feel a lil disappointd taht hes not like, come over now and ill fly you out here

    i guess i dont see him as being able to

    and maybe he will be

    shifting my own enery feels awsome

    and i feel relaxed

    mmmm



  231.  #231Mel on September 2, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    225: Lilybelly

    He flaked hey? No matter! On to the next one, right?



  232.  #232Lilybelly on September 2, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    229:

    So you DID hear me across the miles saying…NEXT!

    How’s your car??/



  233.  #233Mel on September 2, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    I just got home from picking up my car! So exciting!!

    Then I drove it to the mall and bought myself some groceries, a shower curtain, some sheets, a comforter and a few clothes (on sale!!). Finally, I stopped off to get myself some healthy takeout because my dishes and cooking utensils are still packed. If you knew me you’d know that I hardly ever buy myself anything and so this was a crazy “spend” kinda day. But then I realized that any money I have is ALL mine and I can do with it as I wish, no guilt!

    At the same time I’m struggling with things like putting up curtains, lifting heavy boxes etc. It’s times like these when I wish I were closer to family. But I will manage… it might just have to get done a lot slower than I would like. Or until a knight in shining armor offers to help! 😉

    Sigh… today was both a hard day and a good one too. More unpacking!

    P.S.

    So tomorrow I have TWO dates- one at 2:00 and one at 7:00. LOL I feel giggly over this! Then Sunday evening I have another confirmed. Bee guy may come through for Sunday afternoon, but if he doesn’t oh well. Then on Monday I’m meeting a guy from work for some baseball. Maybe I WON’T want to go out on my birthday… I’ll be too tired from the weekend!



  234.  #234luzydel on September 2, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    Is it possible that the “tools” only work with a few men?
    Some men show resistance, they want me to do the work for them to initiate, set dates. I use FM’s, lean back and they leave. There is only on man standing so far and he seem like a keeper, though it is too soon to tell.



  235.  #235Ella on September 2, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    SLV

    Re 206

    No – its just it takes a little while for me to process ideas and let them sink in…

    You often start the thought process, and then I start working suff out from there.

    It is not always so black and white for me… I often have to see how I feel about various options… and sometimes the feelings will be negative until I work out whats what… follow my feelings. It part of the processing.

    I do hear you and I appreciate your advice… sometimes I just have to FEEL it for myself first.

    xoxox



  236.  #236Mel on September 2, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    The car’s great Lil! It’s the first that’s ever been only MINE. 🙂



  237.  #237Daria on September 2, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    i dont want to analyze and talk myself into feeling bad about the interaction

    i feel the compulsion to go to it feeling bad

    am i committed to it feeling bad?

    hmmm

    he all of a sudden after i havent written or liked his stuff or thought about him so much (tho i was actually thinking about him right then and reading some of his comments)

    posted a link to his new song on my wall

    and i had liked and supported lots of his songs

    and so i listened to it this time agina and i actually understood what he was saying cuz he speaks different than me and i felt excited

    so then i liked it and i wrote my own rap under it

    which felt fun and it was very great towards him about how i like him and also about how he wants me heheheand how i feel smily listening to his songs and i feel turned on around him

    and then he wrote back wow you are so good i love it

    and he said he loves it so much and to post it under his song and he is blushing

    and i felt kinda good and amused and also shocked that he said hes blushing cuz im always blushing so imlike omg

    feeling a lil amused like is he a girl now lol

    andyway i said thank u and i feel giddy

    and he said him too!

    and it felt kinda good tho!

    anyway i posted it

    then he said somethign about girl will be mad but do it anyway

    maybe it was multiple girl cuz he writes girl plural stuff or maybe he has a new girl i dono

    i wasnt really trippin i wrote i dont want to hear about a girl cuz i dont want to be mad myself

    go me ! that felt good that i expressed it

    so nwo that felt great and i feel great

    cuz i rapped and i felt good

    and im not feeling obsessed or crazy or attached

    i feel kidna sad when i think if i move to his town maybe we won’t see each other cuz i will lean back and he wont step up

    hmm that doesnt feel too good!

    i will do ask and receive on this belief righ tnow

    yay i feel all giddy and happy again!

    and i am rappin cuz i did ask and receive on it hahahaha weeeeee

    i am so rockin awesome!!

    i love me weeeee

    you know how Rori says sometimes when shes drtacking her body very slowly and quietly, sh feels what she calls sad;;;and she tweaked it to ‘moved’?

    well i noticed – i was expecting to feel scared as the feeling taht i noticed – but no it was joy

    i feel joyful!

    when i go slow and track my body, to me that feeling is joyful!
    yay!!

    i feel glad and releived and happy

    and a lil concerned about others who might not feel such a good feeling?

    but maybe it will shift for them of course or maybe they are learning from it?

    am i learning?

    i love me but i do feel glad it feels like joy to me/// feels kinda scary to think it would feel sad

    although moved that feels kinda attractive

    u know, i actually think Nyguy likes me a Lot

    eh probably Will step up when i move to new york

    wow – ask and receive works fast! – my beliefs have shifted and i feel giddy and good 🙂

    mmm i feel so good

    my lips feel tingly

    i have the power to shift my beliefs

    i am a magical being like ive always wanted



  238.  #238Daria on September 2, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    luzydel – as i understand it, that means the tools are working… the men who can’t (and the one’s who don’t want to) do the job weed themselves out by disappearing … the ones who can stick around



  239.  #239Ella on September 2, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    Luzydel re 232.

    Yes definitely in my experience so far…

    Like J… he would like me to do all the work… I have toyed with the idea of how would it feel.. cus he is lovely to have around.

    And to be honest for me to have a man like this around.. I believe I would feel exhausted and insecure… most of the time.

    So I think I prob do better with very masc men.. and I think most men if they were being authentic like to be masculine… its just things have got a bit scrambled and too many women lean forward…

    xoxoxo



  240.  #240Daria on September 2, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    Ask and Receive – from energy therapist Sandi Radomski

    and how i use it is…

    tapping starting on EFT point of my choice… tapping and speaking in a relaxed tempo, while opening my body and relaxing in ‘receiving’ mode

    “A part of my being already knows that i no longer need to belive {insert belief to shift here} ”

    tapping next point

    “And that part of my being that knows this is willing to inform the rest of me now.”

    tapping next point:

    “it is now doing so”

    next point

    “my mind, body, and spirit are receiving the information”

    next point

    “information transfer is now complete”

    .

    thats it!

    🙂

    i feel smily

    it’s working 🙂

    i did it on different ‘aspects’ and versions that came up for me and it felt so pleasant relaxed and cool

    i also like to ‘get in tune with – ie feel them’ my way – mind, body, spirit – when i say those words

    my mind is like my mind imagining thinking energy

    my body i use a grid of my body image that i got from Donna Eden

    and spirit is like a heart centered very powerful squirting strong flowing energy that squirts and spreads from my heart



  241.  #241Ella on September 2, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    Hmmm, I feel lonely and wanted cuddles and connection and company… and said how I felt on FB… now I have a man coming.

    And I feel… scared.

    Lol. Perverse!



  242.  #242Daria on September 2, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    Mel is a superstar!



  243.  #243luzydel on September 2, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    Yes Daria and Ella it seems that way; I can’t believe how much some men are spoiled by women doing all the work 🙁

    We have to define what masculine mean..is it an external feature? “NiceCD” is the “neerdy” type; not too agressive and perhaps silly/funny etc. But he knows how to please, how to lead, how to be the man when he is with me. So perhaps he is masculine inside…
    I have met Alpha type of men who ended up being cry babies and wanted me to do all the work.



  244.  #244Starla on September 2, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    woohoo, i fixed (ie GHETTO RIGGED) my viola so now I can play again:)

    CD #1 brought me lunch today. It was very sweet of him.

    We are both very intelligent people with similar views on things, yet we have not much to say to each other…except for romantic stuff. Mostly we just stare at each other and make out.

    It feels a little unnerving because I’m used to talking so much more with my guys. Though, if I had something to say, he WOULD listen, and respond with something relevant and meaningful.

    What do you all think about this?



  245.  #245Mel on September 2, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    Thanks Daria!



  246.  #246Daria on September 2, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    im feeling so good!!

    i just did my lil 2 min stretch/workout “primary back stretch – PBS” from T-tapp

    second time today!

    and i got 2 things i wanted whcih was to cahnge the way i did the rollup

    and to concentrate on pulling my tummy in tight

    and i did both!

    and omg i could feel my tummy getting pulled in and it felt challenging and i felt exciting that i could fEEL it

    and i love how like they say it gets More challenging as I practice cuz more muscles kick in as they grow stronger and i can notice them

    so yeah!!!! woooo

    just me doing this once a day has healed my shoulder pains and

    also my legs seem way stronger last nite when i was ‘dropping it low” i could hold myself much better

    oh joy!!

    joy joy joy!!!

    i love my body!

    i love my blessings!

    i feel so grateful to myself and everyone who has shared with blessed wisdom and love



  247.  #247Lilybelly on September 2, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    242:
    Are you enjoying NiceCD, Starla?



  248.  #248Wildflower on September 2, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    I feel a little sad and disappointed. This feels like tingles in my belly. I love my sadness. I’m imagining they’re like a swimming pool with gentle waves in it. This feels better. My NVs keep telling me I screwed something up, I was too stubborn, too closed, too this, too that. I tell them to be quiet I did nothing wrong. sometimes my nvs tell me it will always be like this. i will always be alone while everyone else moves on with their life and i’ll be left standing still. this thought feels terrifying. it feels like a giant lump in my throat. i love the lump in my throat. it would feel nice to believe that things could be dramatically different in a year. i’m imagining my little house and this feels nice. it feels like a gentle wave over my body. i feel some tension and tightness in my throat. i love the tension. feeling a bit tired and frustrated. i love my tiredness. it feels like heaviness on my face and shoulders.



  249.  #249Daria on September 2, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    i feel shame!

    i am a walking commercial!

    i feel disappointed i did not get fully aware of posting when i wanted people to notice something, vs posting to express

    whoa! i think i just did it agian!

    awesome! i am noticing!

    i feel excited!

    i feel smily and head up and back

    yess/!!! 🙂



  250.  #250Starla on September 2, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    245 lilly, u mean CD#1 who is so nice?

    yes. i enjoy him immensely.



  251.  #251Starla on September 2, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    oopsies sorry for spelling your name wrong!!



  252.  #252Emerson on September 2, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    242 @ Starla
    “Mostly we just stare at each other and make out.”

    My first impression is….I love this!!!!



  253.  #253Lilybelly on September 2, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    248:

    Yep, I meant CD#1. I would say, just keep enjoying him. That early googley eyed starring and making out is damn fun.

    You could always try a rock star experiment on him and bring up a topic with him asking him…”What do you think about charlie sheen’s antics” or something like that. I like to try it about Charlie because people think he’s a real doorknob…



  254.  #254Emerson on September 2, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    I spent last weekend with recycled, and I’ve been seeing quite a bit of him, and now I have not seen him this week since Monday and I’m having withdrawals even tho I had a CD with the new guy and he’s nice and I think he likes me….
    but still pining for recycled. I will admit it. I am pining.
    Feeling pathetic and lonely tonight and not feeling like reaching out and meeting anyone else. Feeling pouty.
    That feels like a pain in my head and heaviness in my chest and nose. I love my heaviness.

    I was on cloud nine the other day over recycled, and feeling proud of myself for having another CD. now I feel poo poo.



  255.  #255alias girl on September 2, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    #242 starla one of my fav guys…we don’t ahve a ton of words spilling out at each other. feels comfortable to me. i like him. and i especially like kissing him. AND i feel like he knows me better, vice versa than some people i have shared far more words with.



  256.  #256alias girl on September 2, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    i am going to outgirl these dudes.

    they are going to come BEATING on my door.

    mark my words.

    🙂

    i love me.



  257.  #257Starla on September 2, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    I think Charlie Sheen is a genius who definitely “won” the rounds following his getting fired.

    I do bring things up, and I think I’ve always been a rockstar about it, UNTIL Rori came into my life…then I started feeling weird about it as I started to assimilate leaning back into my life.

    Thank you sooo much for your response, Lily. I do enjoy this stage, and I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced it before. But it feels sooo good. I just get scared that i’m not intellectually stimulating him or something. I actually asked him about it…I said I feel comfortable with silence, it feels good to me to be able to sit with someone and not need to talk, and he said that’s even better than sitting with a girl you always have something to talk about.

    I guess this intellectual man knows there’s a difference between brain and heart.

    And he tells me all the time how intimidating my intelligence is:) So I must be stimulating enough.



  258.  #258Starla on September 2, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    Alias girl, thank you! I always appreciate your perspective.

    By the way, alias girl, i found a couch and put up on facebook that i was collecting donations for it…and ppl gave me money towards it! how radical is that!



  259.  #259Mel on September 2, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    So it turns out my Sunday date and I went to the same high school! This doesn’t sound all that special except that our high school is 2500 miles away!

    He graduated two year after me though. I bet i have a yearbook from his grade 10 year! lol



  260.  #260Mel on September 2, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    Re: 256

    OK Starla, I’ll have to try that one! I actually really need a couch!



  261.  #261alias girl on September 2, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    @231 mel I feel very EXCITED for you!!!



  262.  #262Lilybelly on September 2, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    255:

    I agree about ole Charlie. He’s laughing himself all the way to the bank. Genious.

    Sounds like you have the right mix going with him, Star…

    🙂



  263.  #263Starla on September 2, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    Mel, wish you were closer…I’d give you my current one!



  264.  #264Mel on September 2, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    Starla,

    And I’d take it! 🙂



  265.  #265Starla on September 2, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    So in other fabulous news, I am starting a belly dancing class on Tuesday. And a harmonica class in a couple of months.



  266.  #266alias girl on September 2, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    #256 starla THAT IS SO CUTE AND INSPIRING!!!!!!! AW! i love it!!!!

    i can so envision my couch. i can’t wait. it doesn’t even feel like a dream it feels like a short matter of time away! i can’t wait.

    ooohhhh siren couches for us!!!!!



  267.  #267alias girl on September 2, 2011 at 9:54 pm

    i am also a charlie sheen fan.



  268.  #268alias girl on September 2, 2011 at 9:56 pm

    smiled at a HHG today just a while go on my walk home from grocery store. i really could have done that different.

    it’s just i’ve been under the weather all day. i haven’t even showered and i feel gross. so i felt like… he can’t possibly be interested. but he acted interested.

    but i never gave him the turn around look.

    but i gave him a bright smile that actually just came across my face naturally because we kept sort of looking at each other for more than five seconds.

    i just feel lousy. and didn’t do siren very well.



  269.  #269alias girl on September 2, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    oh and i have been having fun with my responses on pof from my new profile where i am divulging a sexual preference but not posting a picture.

    i love my experiments. they keep me very interested.



  270.  #270Senior Lady Vibe on September 2, 2011 at 10:47 pm

    @141: Esteemed
    Yay!

    @209: faith
    😀

    @214: Emerson
    Cute little red pump avatar!

    @232: luzydel says:
    “…Is it possible that the “tools” only work with a few men?…”
    Tools I use are meant to “work for me.” If they aren’t working for me, helping me be more “me” and my best self, they aren’t the right tools. I have an image of a trowel and plaster patching up a man, working him over… seems kind of funny…
    LOL 😆
    Maybe some men could use a bit of working over… but I probably won’t be doing much of that.

    @233: Ella says:
    “…I do hear you and I appreciate your advice… sometimes I just have to FEEL it for myself first.
    xoxox…”

    Thanks for your appreciation. I see from a post that Rori has a Facebook fan page for her business; I’d like to check it out! Perhaps there is some inspiration too in that.

    xoxo



  271.  #271Starla on September 2, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    Going back to the last Rori post, I am making my house more romantic:) I took apart some shelves that felt janky, and I frankenstein’d them into lower profile shelves. They held books and knickknacks before, but now they’re just going to hold things that feel romantic to me. I had lots of neat little toys and comic-type figurines on there, as well as quirky international products n stuff, but they look very out of place in this new romantic configuration.



  272.  #272Starla on September 2, 2011 at 11:15 pm

    I feel excited about making other things feel more romantic, like replacing some of my undies and bras with better feeling stuff.

    Back to the shelves, I feel a little afraid noticing that at 26 going on 27, I’m wanting to get rid of some of this “kid stuff” in my house. I feel afraid of what this means. Am I less fun? Am I getting old and stodgy? I still feel so happy and entertained by all of that…video games, cool tv shows, fun, glittery little toys and slinkies and finger skateboards. But I don’t want it to be the first or even second or third impression I get (or anyone else gets) from my house. Instead I want the “kid” stuff to be a really cool surprise that you don’t get at first glance, in a way kind of how i present myself to men. First I am feeling, romantic, soft, and that feels good because that always feels good. And that is enough:). The glittery quirky kid stuff is the cool surprise that comes when you’ve gotten to look a little closer.



  273.  #273alias girl on September 2, 2011 at 11:51 pm

    #270 starla maybe find a nice trunk for it. you can even find a “romantic” looking trunk and then you can keep all your toys and kid stuff inside and take them back out whenever you want to “play” or are ready to show that side to someone.

    just like a kid often keeps his toys in a toy box or some place…



  274.  #274Starla on September 2, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    AG, fabulous idea:):)

    thank you!



  275.  #275English Woman on September 3, 2011 at 12:54 am

    #128 Nini

    Yeah I am OK, living back in England now for the past 6 months.

    It feels good to know you are doing well and oh I bet you enjoyed your 11 crime novels. 😀



  276.  #276English Woman on September 3, 2011 at 12:57 am

    #134 Patricia

    Soooo good to hear it’s going well with LD. I don’t really know what organically means in relationship to a relationship. 😀

    Does that mean it is going well and with the flow kinda thing? Both on the same page?



  277.  #277English Woman on September 3, 2011 at 12:59 am

    #141 Esteemed

    WOW!!! That is such good news to hear!!



  278.  #278English Woman on September 3, 2011 at 1:02 am

    #142 Esteemed

    Oh great news about the clothes too, it feels sooooo good to read your latest posts, keep up the good work. 😀



  279.  #279English Woman on September 3, 2011 at 1:05 am

    #157 Mel

    Good to see you moved into your own place and are being very positive. You rock with all your CD’s. 😀



  280.  #280Jeannette on September 3, 2011 at 1:12 am

    Sirens, I just need your sage advice…I am missing Steve’s shoulder to lean on…..As you know, Steve died suddenly last June 20th.. Since then I am having problems at work and they are cutting my hours back. There’s a coworker there that doesn’t like me and she tries and runs the place. Hard on my nerves. Alot going on. Steve’s bro. died 6 days after Steve. He was on hospice and couldn’t take Steve’s death…now if that isn’t enough drama, Steve’s remaining bro. Roger is going in for a partial liver transplant Oct. 3. What a crazy year. Well this is my problem……the other night I was on the phone with Roger talking about my work problem and how much I’m missing Steve. Roger said he was real down too and missing Steve and Rick terribly. I was all depressed and just in a crapped out mood. Now, a couple of days later, I am sitting here and feeling guilty for dumping on Roger who is a very sick man. I want him to be in a good place before he goes in for his surgery……I mean if that’s even possible with having lost 2 brothers. But I don’t want to add to his grief….SO can you think of ways I can be more supportive to him? I want to do it for Steve too. Please give me advice because I really need it. I am at a low rung on my ladder…I was thinking maybe I should just stay away from Roger. I mean am I even doing either one of us any good? He said he understands when I say things. Like I said I don’t even want Christmas to come around this year having lost Steve and Roger said that he felt like that too sort of but he also reminded me that I have my children and I have to do it for them. See what I mean? I dumped on him and he probably didn’t even need to hear it! Please help me sirens. I am be reduced in my work hours and will be lucky to pay all my bills unless something turns around. It’s been a pretty low time for me and I just need advice and want to get some good energy back in my life. Yet, I still have the right to mourn my fiance’s death. With Roger going in for his transplant in Oct., it’s going to bring all the memories back of Steve going in for his transplant and his death….OH boy, what a year it has been!! Steve has one other surviving sibling, a sister. And her and I have gotten closer since all this has happened. By the way, her health isn’t the greatest either! Sometimes, I think I was brought back into Steve’s life when I did to try and help his family too….But I’m not helping much by acting so depressed around Roger. Not that I do all the time. Again, if you should have any thoughts or ideas please share them. I’m in a rut and want to pull out a bit. Thanks guys!



  281.  #281Lyka on September 3, 2011 at 2:09 am

    Been up since 4am, insomnia…I feel tired but I will work out, get ready to go to work later on and hopefully, many, many customers will show up today, not only to keep me awake but to show my boss that I am the best salesperson she has right now! Maybe she will realize that I am the best and decide to give me more working hours. Then again, maybe not…

    I made more money than the other girl in 5 hours last night, so there.

    I told her about some health problem I had yesterday. She said “well, why don’t you go get a nice massage”. And I replied that since my hours got cut, I had less money and had to be careful. At least, I got that message out. I was still angry, though. I felt like telling her “And who will pay for it? You?”

    I don’t have insurance so it’s coming out of my pocket. I can’t believe how insensitive she is sometimes.

    I wish I would just stop giving her so much importance but she is just getting on my nerves these days. Arrrggrhhh!!!!



  282.  #282Lyka on September 3, 2011 at 3:19 am

    Jeannette, I just read your post and I’m sorry that you’re feeling so low. Never mind my problems, yours are way bigger than mine! Even though I can relate a little bit…

    I am not the best person to give advices here but I guess I would recommend just listening to him and perhaps giving him all the help you can when he gets out of the hospital. Yet you say that he understands how you feel so my feeling is he appreciates your being there for him, despite your feeling low, which I understand completely. Maybe ask him how he feels about you two getting together to talk about these things? Help each other out that way?

    I’m sorry I can’t be of more help, I wish I could find the right words to say.

    Anyway, I’m sure someone else will come up with much better advices than I do.



  283.  #283Patricia on September 3, 2011 at 3:24 am

    274 @ EW

    Hello English Woman! Good to hear from you on the blog! I have been reading the past while, trying to be aware of the rhythms and flow here..

    I didn’t hear of the word “organically” being used regarding relationships until it popped up here a while ago and upon looking further I noticed it show up in Rori’s work as well…..I asked here and came to understand that it meant very much like you said…something that grows naturally and with the flow without being pushed…..it seems to fit…though i could use the word “naturally ” too.

    The connection with LD is getting stronger. He has more than stepped up, leaned in, taken the oars, rowing in a manly way, checking in with me, taking the lead….and I have consciously leaned back, been in touch with my feelings but not anxiously tied myself in…going with the flow instead. The physical distance is becoming less of an issue because the other dimensions of the relationship are growing. Those other dimensions (emotional, spiritual, mental, etc) are supporting the connection and surprisingly the universe is making the physical connection, ability to see each other happen more often and easily (lots of time off to engage, ability to travel, flexible schedules,able to talk daily, seeing each other weekly, to every other week, etc.)

    Interestingly he has expressed interest in his wanting to be exclusive with me but did not assume I would do the same. His words were “I want to make myself exclusively available to you until you tell me to go”. wow. In my mind I logged that but just continued to go with the flow. This meant spending time with friends and CDing in a way that allowed me to see what evolved. And most recently I learned what I wanted to do. This is because a local match that I was interested in back in June, on eharmony stepped up and started communication, and gave me his email in the first exchange! Wow I thought….this feels like a decision point!

    So I’m leaning back and keeping the same strategy…..I answered the match honestly with afeeling message that I was sorry he didn’t communicate earlier in the summer and that I was seeing someone from out of town….and left it……I’ll see what he does. Meanwhile I can keep an openness with LD to see where our connection evolves naturally. And I keep using the feeling messages, exploration tools to grow and see how things develop.

    How are things for you!!!!

    xo



  284.  #284Gordon Massena on September 3, 2011 at 3:31 am

    Apparently only for women(?) How about something for men? (Married more than sixty years [to same woman])



  285.  #285Senior Lady Vibe on September 3, 2011 at 3:32 am

    @267: alias girl

    Following your experiment with interest! Please keep
    us posted on the responses.

    😀
    xoxo



  286.  #286Daria on September 3, 2011 at 3:41 am

    my dream… so i worked in a doctor’s office and my job was to fill out these little cardboard cards with a few sentences picked from the patient’s files…

    and i did so many of them i was doing them sloppily sometimes

    and then my colleagues showed me that my boss’s review were that there were some ‘energetic mismatches’ with my work

    which meant that i was not doing a good job 100% basically since i was sloppy i assumed

    and i felt terribly ashamed and discouraged and i didnt want to work there anymore

    and i felt uncomfortable around my colleagues cuz i got the impression they treated me a lil coldly after

    then i was at home and i smoked and i was going to hurry up to go to my og friend’s house to read my letters that he’s holding for me

    but an old coworked showed up and he liked me and he brought me a gift

    some food

    and i was kinda short with him cuz i was in a hurry

    and then he had another gift for me it was an itouch with a camera and i felt thrilled and embarassed and kinda grabby at it

    and then he gave my mom some gold chains and i realized he had stolen this stuff.

    and before that i was at a video game trying to pick a game for my pc

    i looked at some games with roadrunner and wily coyote and i think i was in a hurry or didnt have money cuz i didnt get thm but i wanted to play a game vry much



  287.  #287Patricia on September 3, 2011 at 3:50 am

    282 @ Gordon
    Good morning! Welcome! you’re welcome here too……



  288.  #288Senior Lady Vibe on September 3, 2011 at 3:59 am

    @129: Nanceen says:

    “…Anybody here? …”

    Me. But not when you were. How’re you? What’s new? How are the cats… and the painting?

    I haven’t gotten to the snail mixture (still on the list) but I’ve been watching makeup vids on YouTube so a medical miracle might yet happen…
    😆

    xoxo



  289.  #289Ella on September 3, 2011 at 6:45 am

    Project Sort Life out officially starts tomorrow.

    Tonight is my last shift doing bar work anyway… which means at least my bodyclock and sleep patterns can get into a rhythm.

    From here onwards it is about doing less, slowing down and learning to live more frugaly.

    It is about getting my spending under control, addressing my debts in a calm and structured way and learning to appreciate what I have.

    Its about being mindful and in the present.

    Its about feeling my feelings.

    It is about nourishing my body with good nutrition and cutting back the junk.

    It about drinking less and yet enjoying more.

    Its about doing more of what I love.

    I am so ready for this and I feel apprehensive as well.

    I feel afraid of failure.

    And yet I really want this.

    It is all about the babysteps.

    I feel excited.



  290.  #290Femininewoman on September 3, 2011 at 7:21 am

    Wow Gordon congratulations. I am curious, how old are you?



  291.  #291Senior Lady Vibe on September 3, 2011 at 7:27 am

    @287: Ella says:
    “Project Sort Life out officially starts tomorrow. ”

    Sounds good. Go for it!

    My organizing for 2012 started yesterday (actually ongoing) and I’m celebrating this holiday weekend which is sort of year anniversary of some disasters but also self-affirmation that I’m turning things around.

    I’m taking stock of and lining up my resources but going slowly as I always do so I’m having some relaxation and recreation also. You have fun too!

    😀

    xoxo



  292.  #292Ella on September 3, 2011 at 7:53 am

    Lovely SLV.

    Enjoy 🙂



  293.  #293Ella on September 3, 2011 at 7:58 am

    Was thinking about what I can do for my Mum’s birthday which is coming up that is relatively cheap and easy… and she will like.

    She likes beaches, and she likes spending time with me so I was thinking just to take the car one day and drive to a beautiful beach which is not too far away, with a bottle of sparkling wine, and just chill and drink that and watch the waves… that is providing it isn’t raining of course… hmmm.

    Then maybe just go to a local village pub for some food.

    It will not break the bank and hopefully she will enjoy it.

    I think it might be a suitable comprimise from something really expensive that I would have done, if I were not de-cluttering my life…



  294.  #294luzydel on September 3, 2011 at 8:02 am

    Mr. “NiceCd” Is comming over today…he is the last man standing so far…lol others have vanished and not call back at all…no new emails from POF either.

    So far I like being with him…



  295.  #295Ella on September 3, 2011 at 8:04 am

    Want to simplify my birthday too.

    Was thinking initially to have a party, and actually my landlord does not want it at the house.

    So then was thinking to hire a local venue which is, apparently, very cheap… and my friend has DJ equipment… the benefit of that it is local, everyone can come and I would get to choose my own music! Woohoo.

    However I still have the feeling it could become quite expensive.

    Hmmm,

    I don’t want to go clubbing, and I DO want to dance.

    I want as little hassle as possible and just to have all my friends around me, and have fun. Also I don’t want to spend too much money. I would like a cheap evening.

    Maybe just go to a local pub, invite all my friends and then invite some people back here after… although that is pretty much like a normal weekend night, lol.

    Ok, I don’t know. I may give up trying to make a decision right now and just see what the universe brings to me.



  296.  #296Ella on September 3, 2011 at 8:06 am

    Luzydel cool.

    Sounds like he is weathering the storm nicely 🙂 by that I mean stepping up where others are weeding themselves out.

    I bet you will get an influx of new ones soon too.

    xoxox



  297.  #297Daria on September 3, 2011 at 9:29 am

    😀

    well Nyguy is now liking my pics and commenting on them and calling me “babe”

    this feels good!!



  298.  #298Daria on September 3, 2011 at 9:36 am

    now he had made a joke about how you can almost see my nani in a pic ( you can’t – i actually have leggings on, but can’t tell)

    and then i said feels good to have him looking

    and then he says i just dont want everybody to … its my thing

    omg!

    this feels freakin great i feel so giddy



  299.  #299DE on September 3, 2011 at 9:37 am

    Okay…things are in a limbo mode with T….

    Since Tuesday nite, I continued to feel sad…and it only got amplified…within two days…

    I learned a lot from this experience…

    I learned not to express my disapproval of what a man does over the phone…

    T and I, as I recall don’t have great phone conversations…hmm, at least I don’t feel very gd about them…

    So, I know next time what to do when a conflict might come up…with any man/maybe woman too?

    Ask to meet…
    Express myself in person…
    I am a very strong communicator in person…i tend to get what i want as being persuasive…charismatic…intelligent…inquisitive…knowledgeable of what points to emphasize to make people feel good (i recognize their strengths very quickly) and what to say/do to get a reaction (i learn their weakness very quickly too)…:) oh, as i type this…i realize i am something else 🙂
    I dominate people on their 2nd chakra…and, as a vampire that I am…i suck the life out of them…(okay, lol, just kidding…it’s supposed to be funny)

    Hmm…I noticed i use humor when i feel kinda of “blah”…maybe even a bit “anxious”…:(

    It’s a diversion…I seek laughter a lot…to entertain myself or others…

    Sigh…

    Okay, back to the story…

    I felt down the other day…and I decided to lean forward…actually, i feel glad i did…cause i might not have found out what i did…and therefore, i no longer feel as sad as before…awesome discoveries…

    So, I txted making peace with myself that I might not hear from him…or get the answer I want…:

    Me: “I need to feel connected to you…and i don’t know how…i feel lost…confused…scared…:(”

    Within 5 minutes he responded-he was sending this messages one after the other…some of them where in between what i sent…

    T: “U said something that was upsetting to me. U said call u when i can make time for u…That’s all i’ve been doing is spending time with u. So that wasn’t nice to say. I understand u being upset cause i didn’t let u know i was gonna be late but the other stuff was a bit over dramatic i felt…it seems u get very nervous on small issues…so when u do that to me ill just back off…”

    After reading his 1st message back…i felt tense…:)lol…nah, that was blaming…it was not true to me :(…had i not had NVC experience…i could have responded…”F* U…”…or “U wrong…etc…”

    T continued :” When u say hurtful things i feel disconnected (WHAT???? THAT’S MY JOB TO FEEL DISCONNECTED…U STEALING FROM ME??? – I literally burst in laughter…lol)

    T: “How could u say when i have time for u, call u..”
    T: “That’s all i’ve been doing is spending time with u”
    T:” U get over dramatic sometimes or scared over small stuff”
    T: “U know i have a life outside of u. So u have to be flexible if u really want this to work. If i say i want u and want to be with u that’s what i mean” (this message hurt a bit…:( i intend to explore it a bit more and learn why?)
    T:”That doesn’t mean i’m not happy to see u or hear u. I always feel great to feel u …talk to u…”

    Me:”wow…first i feel happy to hear u upset/frustrations…second, it feels bad to hear i get upset ab small stuff…when apparently what i said was different from what u heard 🙁 i call that misunderstanding…”

    Me: “I recall expressing to u that it felt bad not hearing u enthusiasm ab seeing me…and that it felt like a chore…i never complained ab u making time for us…”

    Haven’t heard from him since…

    I thought about the interaction…

    I really feel happy that he expressed his frustrations..thoughts…this is healthy…even if there are miss understandings…

    I also realized…we both projected upon each other…our past experiences…

    His ex-wife complained ab not spending enough time together…not I…however, something that I said triggered that very strong memory in him…where he shut down…no longer listened to what i was saying…

    Me on the other hand…my trauma with J…the lies…many women…etc…waiting on him endlessly…triggered my reaction to bring out my boundary…which i can see i overreacted on that…the boundary turned into a wall…:(

    Sigh…i feel better today…

    Now, I really don’t feel inclined to lean forward…it actually relieved a lot of anxiety knowing what is behind the silence…cold treatment…

    I now, give myself permission to get back on my bridge…armored a bit more awareness 🙂



  300.  #300Emerson on September 3, 2011 at 9:38 am

    Good morning sirens
    268 thanks SLV 🙂 I picked the shoe because it reminds me to be feminine, that I am a woman, and that I am a siren! I’ve been wanting to wear heels more often and it’s still warm here…in fact, I’m sitting at a coffee shop right now and wearing heels! It makes me feel more sireny.

    I am kinda excited about my new CD, I will call him DallasCD….He seems to be really nice and I feel open to him..he seems genuine. I got a good feeling from him.

    I’ve had to redirect some of my ickyness from recycledCD, I don’t know why I let him get under my skin so bad and he is soo triggering for me sometimes. I feel curious about how to heal this.

    I re-read the post from a while back “the terror of freedom” and that helped.

    I feel a bit of a gypsy at the moment, and I am really yearning for a “home” and sharing it with a man and not just living by myself. 🙁

    I have been visualizing it and trying to shift it to creating an exciting future for myself rather than getting sucked into the feeling every day that I don’t have it at this stage in my life and MAYBE NEVER WILL…
    I get terrified sometimes and I have been working on shifting that and telling myself that it’s excitement and not fear that I’m feeling ….excitement about my future and it will NOT be alone.

    I am an amazing, kind and sireny woman and many men would want to be with me!



  301.  #301Daria on September 3, 2011 at 9:38 am

    i feel so happpyyyy

    weeee i feel like im riding fast through wind and breathing air and like im jetskying!! weeeee

    om,g feels so good

    lol i feel amused at myself



  302.  #302DE on September 3, 2011 at 10:09 am

    Daria:

    Lol…what did u do to him Daria? What magic potion u had him drink?

    Sweet, I saw that …

    I feel happy for u :

    warm hugs,



  303.  #303Daria on September 3, 2011 at 10:38 am

    thanks DE 🙂



  304.  #304Daria on September 3, 2011 at 10:42 am

    DE – i feel kinda sad reading your story… 🙁

    i can see some shifts in perception that would help

    feel free to skype me if you want to work with me on anything



  305.  #305DE on September 3, 2011 at 10:46 am

    Hmm…I notice a lot of implied “poor me” and “feminine voice” in his messages…I feel kind of turned off…and worried…:(

    I recall after the first 2 txts…i thought of practicing answering…”U right…:( what do u think we should do?”

    I felt resistant to saying that…:( it would have helped him to get into masculine though…come up with a solution…

    i wonder why i resisted to saying? maybe because it was not really my truth?

    i kind of corrected him….i am a strong alpha woman…learning to become a beta…:(

    sigh…i will practice next time doing that…



  306.  #306alias girl on September 3, 2011 at 11:04 am

    #282 thanks slv! what is weird with doing it this way is sometimes after i send my picture the guy poofs. ok. i will try not to take that personal. lol

    at least when i already have pic up initially, i know if they contact me they feel good about how i look.



  307.  #307Emerson on September 3, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    45 @ Jeannette
    UGH
    Yes I was feeling the same way this morning…kind of sad that I don’t have any real “fun” plans for the holiday weekend with anyone in particular. RecycledCD is working and dallasCD is out of town. I need more CDs.
    maybe I will meet one today!!??!!



  308.  #308DE on September 3, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    I got permission from Daria to share our recent coaching session online…I thought of it worthy to share 
    DE: are u online?
    D: hi 🙂
    D: yes i am here
    DE 🙂
    DE: great
    DE: so, what do u think?
    DE: i kind of messed up 🙁
    D: awww
    D: big hugs
    D: so first
    D: i want you to not blame yourself
    D: of course
    D: 🙂
    DE: 🙂
    D: never ever 🙂
    DE: okay
    D: you’re just working through patterns and practicing
    D: and now… second
    D: don’t blame anyone else either
    D: so now when there’s no one to blame
    D: there is just feelings
    D: that’s where we want to be
    DE: yes
    DE: i don’t think i am blamey
    DE: am i?
    DE: i made observations and evaluations
    D: okay
    D: lets drop all that too
    D: no analysis
    DE: okay
    D: okay so that being said, i want to – without being ‘harsh’ take a look at tweaking some things to do it differently –
    DE: that’s great 🙂
    D: ok so lets start from where you texted him
    D: so you initiated contact
    DE: 🙂
    DE: yes
    D: okay
    D: now looking back
    D: over your interactions with him
    D: this is at least the third time we’ve spoken about that you intitated contact
    DE: yes
    D: so something’s coming up for you
    D: that is triggering feelings
    D: that feels uncomfortable
    DE: yes
    DE: there is something…
    DE: about
    DE: i feel afraid…i push people away
    DE: so i want to fix it
    D: ok
    DE: subconsciously
    D: yes
    D: dont worry about what it is
    D: it doesnt matter
    D: lets just notice that something is happening
    D: and you feel a certain feeling
    D: and then… your go to behavior is reaching out
    DE: i feel lonely 🙁
    DE: sad
    D: awesome!
    DE: i need connection
    D: ok now
    D: so no
    DE: significance
    D: i need connection significance
    DE: reassurance a lot of it
    D: is a thought
    D: lets drop that
    DE: okay
    D: and stick with i feel lonely
    D: i feel sad
    DE: okay
    D: ok now write
    D: i love my loneliness
    D: i love my sadness
    DE: i love my loneliness
    DE: i love my sadness
    D: great
    D: and that feels?
    DE: that feels like a big sigh…
    D: awesome
    D: i love my big sigh
    DE: i love my big sigh
    D: and how does that feel?
    DE: and that feels like being powerless
    D: mmm okay
    DE: tingly on my feet
    DE: legs
    D: great
    D: yes
    D: being powerless feels like tingly feet and legs
    DE: yes
    D: i love my tingly feet and legs
    DE: i love my tingly feet and legs
    D: good
    D: whats the next feeling you notice?
    DE: i feel a bit tense
    DE: that feels like stiff neck and shoulders
    D: is stiff like a tingle?
    D: or a pinch?
    D: or like a pressure?
    DE: pressure
    D: ok
    D: i love my pressure on my neck and shoulders
    DE: i love my pressure on my neck and shoulders
    D: can you find an image for it
    D: like a beautiful image?
    D: with jewels
    D: or nature
    DE: hmm
    DE: a immediately thought of a beautiful bloomy tree
    D: great
    DE: its like a beautiful bloomy tree
    D: and that feels like?
    DE: powerful…
    DE: yet lonely 🙁
    D: what does powerful feel like in your body
    DE: courageous
    DE: stoic
    D: where in your body
    DE: chest
    D: what does it feel like in your chest
    DE: between my rib cage (3rd chakra)
    D: okay
    D: what does it feel like there
    DE: it’s moving
    DE: the sensations are moving
    DE: my arms feel tingly
    D: ok
    D: i love the movement in my chest
    D: i love my tingly arms
    DE: my tummy feels a bit with butterflies
    DE: i love the movement in my chest
    DE: i love my tingly arms
    D: i love my butterflies in my tummy
    DE: i feel pressure building up 🙁
    DE: i feel like crying
    D: where is the pressure
    D: great
    D: i love my crying
    DE: yet if feel resistant to crying 🙁
    D: i love my feeling like crying
    DE: i love my feeling like crying
    D: what does that feel like now?
    D: loving your feeling like crying?
    DE: tears are building up
    D: i love my building up tears
    DE: i love my building up tears
    D: they are like magical cleansing diamond stream water
    D: to heal me
    DE: aww…
    DE: 🙁
    D: what does that feel like now?
    DE: i feel soo soothed by the image
    DE: my tears stopped
    DE: 🙁
    D: ok
    D: what do you feel like now in your body
    D: its fine if the tears stop
    D: and its fine if they keep going
    DE: i feel a bit lost …
    DE: numb 🙁
    D: where just following what you feel in your body
    to be continued…



  309.  #309DE on September 3, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    continuing….

    D: i love my numbness
    DE: i love my numbness
    D: what does that feel like?
    DE: lost
    D: what does lost feel like in your body
    DE: feeling tingly throughtout my body
    DE: i feel above my body…
    DE: but i feel peace
    DE: ok
    DE: i look down
    D: i love my above body feeling
    DE: at my body
    D: what does that feel in your body
    D: find a feeling in your body
    DE: i feel compassion for it
    D: any feeling
    DE: i feel like crying
    D: great
    DE: i am crying
    D: i love my feeling like crying
    D: wonderful honey
    D: i love my crying
    DE: i love my crying
    D: yes
    D: what does that feel like
    DE: that feels like sobbing
    D: yes
    D: i love my sobbing
    DE: i love my sobbing
    D: what does that feel like?
    DE: release
    DE: calm
    D: what does release feel like in your body
    DE: it feels like waking up…and stretching out…
    D: ok
    D: where in your body do you feel waking up
    D: what kinda feeling is it?
    D: tingly? pinching? expanding? pressing?
    D: waves?
    DE: tingly and expanding
    D: where
    DE: upper body
    D: okay
    D: i love my tingly and expanding upper body feeling
    DE: i love my tingly and expanding upper body feeling
    D: its like i have sky in my chest and clouds are flowing in me
    D: good
    D: what does that feel like?
    DE: feels good
    DE: calming
    D: what does good feel like in your body
    D: find a place in your body where you notice a feeling
    DE: i feel a bit bloated lately 🙁
    DE: i feel a bit detached from my lower body
    DE: i feel uncomfortable
    D: okay
    D: i love my bloatedness
    DE: i love my bloatedness
    D: its like being pregnant with a magical watermelon with rubies in an emerald shell
    DE: 🙂
    DE: maybe
    DE: i hope i am not pregnant 🙁
    D: with a watermelon
    DE: 🙂
    D: okay
    D: so
    D: what i want you to do
    D: is
    D: notice yourself wanting to reach out
    D: and riff through looking for body sensations instead
    D: i feel my lips turning up to smile
    D: i feel my thigh pressing against the chair
    D: i feel my pinky tingling
    D: any small thing
    D: however, no analyzing
    DE: aww…u mean go back to the feelings when i was reaching out?
    D: before you reach out
    D: notice that you are feeling compelled to
    D: and then
    D: riff out what you feel in your body
    D: find a location in your body for every feeling
    D: and a description
    D: and let yourself know you love the feeling
    D: and see how you feel then…
    D: keep following the feelings until you get to a good feeling
    D: its very important to find a location in the body for something you feel

    to be continued…



  310.  #310DE on September 3, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    DE: yes, i will do that…
    DE: i wanted to yesterday…
    D: even something that seems inconsequential
    D: great.
    D: ok now i want to talk a bit about reframing the interaction
    DE: okay
    D: so he responded to you
    D: and it was great!
    D: you created a safety and he communicated with you
    D: about what was going on with him
    D: so when that happens
    D: thats when you want to go into ‘facilitating anger’
    D: this is challenging
    D: and of course you don’t have to do this with every man
    D: or if you feel attacked
    D: however he did not attack you
    D: so you want to AGREE with him
    DE: i didn’t feel attacked
    D: “yes you’re right
    DE: i felt “blamed”
    D: i do get nervous on small issues”
    D: yes
    D: lets erase blamed
    D: and replace that with “defensive”
    D: because a man can blame you
    DE: ahh
    D: but he cant “defensive” you
    DE: that’s right
    D: so defensive is all about you
    D: so now
    D: you want to notice
    D: and yourself if possible
    D: dive under the defensiveness
    D: and agree with him
    D: “yes you’re right
    D: i do get nervous on small issues”
    D: just own it
    D: everything he says own it
    DE: even if don’t think they are small to me?
    D: yes
    DE: okay
    D: if it helps you can drop the small
    D: and say
    D: “i do get nervous”
    D: the key is to agree with him
    D: this is how facilitating anger works
    D: and you did a great job actually
    D: when you started out
    D: i feel happy to hear your upset frustrations
    D: so you want to keep appreciating and thanking
    D: thank you for being honest
    D: it feels so good to hear whats going on with you
    D: i so appreciate it
    D: you’re right
    DE: i like these suggestions
    D: i do get very nervous
    D: and over dramatic
    D: And.. im feeling a little defensive
    D: thank you for sharing with me!
    D: you want to keep ti coming basically
    D: get it all out
    D: Don’t go for ‘first’ ‘second’
    D: drop any kinda business stuff
    DE: i see
    DE: 🙂
    D: anything that’s not flowing poetry
    DE: and i agree
    D: feelings

    to be continued….



  311.  #311DE on September 3, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Last…

    D: youre doing great
    D: !
    DE: really?
    D: yeah!
    DE: hmm
    D: big babysteps!
    DE: my nv tells me u are just saying that
    DE: to encourage me
    D: well
    D: i noticed you went first to appreciation
    [DE: yes, i felt appreciative
    D: and that means you are now in the habit of that
    D: so we can just build on it from there
    DE: totally 🙂
    DE: yes, this feels very empowering
    D: awsome
    DE: that’s a step i yet didn’t experience…till now 🙂
    DE: i feel curious if he would say anything anytime soon 🙁
    D: no need to think about what’s going on with him, no guessing about his ex wife
    D: even if it seems so obvious and interesting
    D: Don’t go there
    D: stay with feelings
    DE: okay
    DE: it’s soo easy and fun for me to analyze 🙁
    D: yes 🙂
    DE: i kind of manifest my own detective work 🙁
    DE: how scary is that?!!!
    D: it is a very fun and addictive thing for us smart ladies
    D: so
    D: lets just look at it as
    D: the more we drop it when it comes to men
    D: the more we create intimacy
    DE: very true
    D: AND the more we can channel it out the window
    D: to activities in our lives that will greatly benefit from our analysis
    D: it frees up that energy to go out there
    D: we just have to rechannel it
    D: nothing is lost
    DE: oh i see
    D: 🙂 isnt that great
    DE: yes, of course 🙂
    D: okay
    [D: also whenever you feel something
    D: feel free to express it as soon as you can
    D: provided the man initiates contact
    D: no need to meet in person
    D: or even in voice
    D: texts are great
    D: for one because you get the time to breathe
    D: and choose your words
    DE: yes, i am beginning to like to express myself in txt
    D: awesome
    D: i notice Rori is encouraging it
    DE: oh really?
    D: yes ive noticed her saying things about that and on FB
    D: so shes very ok with text as communication
    DE: well, if used properly it is indeed an awesome way to express and connect
    D: 🙂

    The end 🙂



  312.  #312DE on September 3, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    Ups…this was in moderation…

    let’s see….

    DE: yes, i will do that…
    DE: i wanted to yesterday…
    D: even something that seems inconsequential
    D: great.
    D: ok now i want to talk a bit about reframing the interaction
    DE: okay
    D: so he responded to you
    D: and it was great!
    D: you created a safety and he communicated with you
    D: about what was going on with him
    D: so when that happens
    D: thats when you want to go into ‘facilitating anger’
    D: this is challenging
    D: and of course you don’t have to do this with every man
    D: or if you feel atta*cked
    D: however he did not atta*ck you
    D: so you want to AGREE with him
    DE: i didn’t feel atta*cked
    D: “yes you’re right
    DE: i felt “bla*med”
    D: i do get nervous on small issues”
    D: yes
    D: lets erase blamed
    D: and replace that with “defen*sive”
    D: because a man can bla*me you
    DE: ahh
    D: but he cant “defe*nsive” you
    DE: that’s right
    D: so defe*nsive is all about you
    D: so now
    D: you want to notice
    D: and yourself if possible
    D: dive under the defen*siveness
    D: and agree with him
    D: “yes you’re right
    D: i do get nervo*us on small issues”
    D: just own it
    D: everything he says own it
    DE: even if don’t think they are small to me?
    D: yes
    DE: okay
    D: if it helps you can drop the small
    D: and say
    D: “i do get nervous”
    D: the key is to agree with him
    D: this is how fac*ilitating a*nger works
    D: and you did a great job actually
    D: when you started out
    D: i feel happy to hear your upset frustrations
    D: so you want to keep appreciating and thanking
    D: thank you for being honest
    D: it feels so good to hear whats going on with you
    D: i so appreciate it
    D: you’re right
    DE: i like these suggestions
    D: i do get very nervous
    D: and over dramatic
    D: And.. im feeling a little de*fensive
    D: thank you for sharing with me!
    D: you want to keep ti coming basically
    D: get it all out
    D: Don’t go for ‘first’ ‘second’
    D: drop any kinda business stuff
    DE: i see
    DE: 🙂
    D: anything that’s not flowing poetry
    DE: and i agree
    D: feelings

    to be continued….



  313.  #313Ice Princess on September 3, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    Ha ha! I just have to laugh at how silly men can be! LP, the kids, and I all went to lunch. Everything went extremely well. He was so excited to tell me that he deleted a dumb girl from his Facebook (a girl that troubled me when we were together). He told me that she had to go…the old me what have pressed for more information but the new me doesn’t ever care because I know that I am better than her. Anyway, he was going to watch a college football game with his brothers and dad and didn’t think to invite me until he was already there. Once he invited me, I told him that I was busy. (again, something the old me would not have done…the old me would have dropped everything and drove the twenty minutes to go there). So, so proud of how far I have become! Thanks to you all for supporting me to get to this point!!!



  314.  #314Daria on September 3, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    Yay Ice Princess! you sound GREAT!



  315.  #315Ice Princess on September 3, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    I feel great!



  316.  #316DE on September 3, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    So, just as I finished my session with Daria and posted all this…guess who txted me??? Of course, T…

    He wants to see me…

    I feel excited…blushy (ab some of the message), and a bit scared…:( but in a good way…

    So, i look fwd to seeing him this evening…

    I already had plans with my gf and her son coming over for dinner…so, I had to express to him I was not available earlier (he wanted to see me right the way :)..), but that he is welcome to join us later…cause i want some girls time to talk kind of thing…he was accommodating…

    I felt happy to hear he was all open and available for me all evening and nite 🙂

    I feel excited!!! wow…is this a new level of intimacy? i feel soo curious!!!



  317.  #317Wildflower on September 3, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    Wow DE (and Daria of course) thanks for sharing all of that. I feel so inspired reading that. I also feel a little overwhelmed. I feel unsure I could ever really get so in touch with my body. But I guess I can. Just takes practice I suppose. Anyway I feel really happy for you guys.



  318.  #318Emerson on September 3, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    Ice Princess I’m glad to hear that and you sound great…
    It feels bad to hear “I know that I am better than her” …about the other girl, it’s not about being better than someone else, is it? Because there will always be someone “better”….and it puts us in a weird path to think that way…at least for me. I don’t want to have to be better than anyone because I am uniqe and I don’t want it to be a contest.
    I feel worried that some people will feel offended by my expression about this



  319.  #319DE on September 3, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    Wildflower:

    Aww, so sweet 🙂 thank u …if i did it…u can too 🙂

    Daria is very generous with her time on that 🙂

    warm hugs,



  320.  #320Jeannette on September 3, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    Lyka, thanks and really it was good advice. Roger probably does appreciate me…because he is equally as down. I’m sure we will help ea. other over time. Thanks for your response.

    Thanks too to Emerson for helping me not feel alone!



  321.  #321Emerson on September 3, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    Hmm feeling very insecure about recycledCD. I don’t want to focus on him.



  322.  #322Ella on September 3, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Emerson,

    If he is not in front of you he does not exist!

    Did you read one of Rori’s most recent e-mails about commitment and she was talking about the success story of one of here friends who used CD-ing very successfully?

    xoxox



  323.  #323Emerson on September 4, 2011 at 1:03 am

    Thanks Ella, I’m not sure I saw that email from Rori. I will check.
    I’ve been CDing, but I’m feeling very BLAH about it all, and I feel stuck.

    For example, the CD I met the other night, DallasCD seemed really nice but I’m already telling myself he will POOF and therefore I am finding things about him that I don’t like….for example I don’t like the town he lives in at all…yuck…and I would never live there.

    What if we get married and I have to live there?

    Crazy sequence of thoughts. blech…

    Thinking about ordering the heart connection toolkit…I havent ordered any of Rori’s stuff, except her book…

    I know I’m stuck and have been for a while, despite using the tools…and I want to be unstuck!



  324.  #324Ella on September 4, 2011 at 5:37 am

    Emerson – Targeting Mr Right is a great programme for those of us CD-ing.

    I don’t have the heart connection toolkit yet… and won’t buy it until my finanaces improve… and I do want to get it as well at some point.

    I have had loads of phases while CD-ing, often I have felt blah about it and not wanted to bother with it…

    But then I do and I get t o anew level… feel more comfortable, learn something new.

    I love it. xx



  325.  #325Senior Lady Vibe on September 4, 2011 at 7:59 am

    @318: Emerson says:
    “… I feel worried that some people will feel offended by my expression about this.”

    If any are offended, i won’t be one of them. Thinking in terms of “being better than” could be a big trap. What does “better than” mean? “Better” in what way?

    If I’m taller than she, am I “better than?” If I’m more educated than she, am I “better than?” If I’m baptized and she’s not, am I “better than?” And on and on and on, and “who’s it better for?”

    Perhaps the OP meant “more honest than” or “kinder than.” Who knows, it was not explained which “better than” we are reading about.

    There will always be another woman prettier, more smartly dressed, more intelligent, a more accomplished dancer, singer, artist, cook, speaker, writer, engineer, lawyer, medicine chief. When she arrives is that our signal to slip out the back door? Believing she’s “better than, I must leave now.” I think not…
    ………………….
    @323: Emerson says:
    “…What if we get married and I have to live there?…”

    Apart from either of you being elected mayor… what other reason would be a compelling one? Do you know of any? Oops. None… 😳

    Are you worrying too much? 😀
    xoxo



  326.  #326Susan on September 4, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    RE: 234: luzydel said:
    “Is it possible that the “tools” only work with a few men?
    Some men show resistance, they want me to do the work for them to initiate, set dates. I use FM’s, lean back and they leave. There is only on man standing so far and he seem like a keeper, though it is too soon to tell.”

    Yes, the tools do not work with every man. They do not work with men who are in their feminine energy. According to Rori, it doesn’t matter whether the man or woman is in their feminine energy, but one has to be in girl energy and the other in boy energy for things to work. Most women (here) want a man who is in his masculine energy. If we stay in our boy energy with him, he will see us as a friend, not as a woman he could love. What we do here is practice and discuss staying in girl energy.

    If a man tries to ‘outgirl’ you, he may be disqualifying himself as a potential life mate for you. After all, we don’t want ALL men. We want the right relationship, and the right man who will step up to fulfill his role in the right relationship with us.



  327.  #327Esteemed on September 4, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    Subscribing



  328.  #328Esteemed on September 4, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    Subscribing…



  329.  #329alison carr on September 7, 2011 at 9:34 am

    hi rorye…i hv ur goddess program and e-book ..super helpful..just read the newletter bout how u were with a man who went on a 2week..thing..w/another woman..same thing happened to me…i dumped him last year..last dec..smartest thing ever did..i saw him at the beach today on way for my morning beach walk…i waved..smiled..AND KEPT DRIVING….there’s great satisfaction in knowing whats best for YOU…and living ur best life…its good to move on..and now i’ve met a wonderful guy..who VALUES me…alison



  330.  #330Rori Raye on September 7, 2011 at 10:36 am

    yayyy Alison! Wow, even the memory of how I once humiliated myself over and over triggers shudders inside me….great opportunity to “own” charges I still hold on some things and let them fade away by pouring love all over them. Love, Rori



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