In order for him to entrust you with his full self (and almost all men think they’re horrible somewhere deep inside, with horrible impulses and terrible guilt, and all the same bad training we women have endured our whole lives) – he has to BELIEVE – and to FEEL, with all of him – that you ENTRUST yourself with YOU.
This means you have to be willing to face all the ugly, icky stuff you fear is inside you – and LOVE it all.
This, to him (to the whole world, actually) reads as Inner Strength. As grit, solidity, goddess-nature, self-love, self-esteem…
It has nothing to do with games, strategies, rules…because all that reads to him is that you WANT something from him, and feel so squishy and mushy inside that you have to use your brain to get it.
And we all know that NO man responds to our brain activity.
We can all feel when someone we’re with feels comfortable “in their own skin.”
That simply means you are aware of much of your “imperfections” – and that even though you may not approve of all of yourself, all those parts of anger, rage, rudeness, need…you ACCEPT them and LOVE them.
Without you saying a thing, doing a thing, demonstrating a thing…he can FEEL your acceptance of yourself.
And as he feels your acceptance of YOURSELF – on a moment-by-moment basis – he all of a sudden feels like HE can trust you to accept HIM.
There’s nothing we can do to communicate this (yes – you MUST speak to him in words of acceptance and appreciation rather than in words that sound like “improvement,” “help,” or “wrongness” – but that’s only one part of the double whammy combo you need to bring him in for good) in an OUTER way.
He just has to FEEL it.
He has to feel that if he feels your insecurity, anger, upset, depression – or ANYTHING “unpleasant” – you have the inner strength to notice it, catch it, accept it, love it, speak about it, and turn it around for YOURSELF. He has to see that happen with his own eyes.
He has to EXPERIENCE it.
He has to feel his overwhelming sense of relaxation, acceptance, and THRILL that comes to him when he’s in your presence and you do that kind of powerful thing.
Watching a woman LOVE HERSELF is the most powerful thing on earth. This is how you GIVE to a man.
You give him the space to be himself, the honor of feeling loved no matter what, and the absolute knowledge, the daily proof that you are UNSHAKABLE in your devotion to YOU.
I could go on a rant about this over and over and over (and I will).
Just imagine it.
If you feel solid – if you love and honor yourself, your needs, your wants, your desires, your mistakes, your feelings, your history, your future – even what you think of as your weaknesses – then you can love him. No matter what.
You’ll have enough love left over from your endless supply to drip plenty all over him.
He doesn’t want to be the one you shower with love. He wants to get the drips and the overflow after you shower yourself FIRST.