How Can YOU Use “Tinder”?

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locketI tell ALL the women I KNOW to go out for breakfast, lunch and dinner if possible – to coffee houses and comfy restaurants with COUNTERS – and to just get used to being in public ALONE.

Then go to mixers and meetups and classes where you can just get to know people as friends.

This starts the ball rolling, along with online dating.

I’m also now telling women to try Tinder.

Okay – it sounds horrible – it has a bad rep…it’s just for “young” women…

How about looking at the possibilities here?

Let’s say you’re about to run an errand. You’ll have 20 minutes more for lunch than you’ll need for your errand – and then you go back to work.

You can wander around.

You can read at a restaurant counter.

You can get in some shopping.

OR – you can, before you head out – see if some man on Tinder is nearby.

You can signal where you are, where you’ll be in 20 minutes.

So – what if some stranger meets you at the dry cleaners in the strip mall, because he’s picking up some water at the 7 Eleven on the corner exactly when your free 20 minutes starts?

How awful can it be?

We’re not talking about “forever” here.

Circular Dating is just NOT about “the man.” Not about finding a man, meeting a man, getting a man.

Circular Dating is about LEARNING.

So – what could possibly be an easier learning moment than a spontaneous 15 minutes with a stranger over tea in a strip mall, while you’re errand running?

No expectations, nothing.

Just a conversation, a chance meeting….

What if you could find yourself quick lunch dates, coffee dates…and LEARNING without even SCHEDULING them?

Think about it.

Get the Tinder app – get some help from one of my Certified Coaches who knows how to use it, or just google it and teach yourself.

Don’t let anyone get judgmental about it with you.

Don’t make it into a party game.

Keep your sense of humor and your sense of adventure.

Just use it for one thing only: Convenient Circular Dating.

And – I know this idea will stir up a lot – so let me know your experiences with Tinder, and if you could consider reworking the “standard” uses of it to help you learn more about yourself, about men, about dating, about conversation, and give you LOTS of practice delivering the Poetry Of You in Feeling Messages.

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Kyla on April 28, 2014 at 6:20 am

    I am open to all possibilities.. this is thought provoking. I felt my insides tighten when I read the title of this blog post. Interesting..

  2.  #2Kyla on April 28, 2014 at 6:22 am

    I’m a space travel nerd. Ninja has given me the moon, the stars and now the red planet!! He took us to a place I visited on a school trip years and years ago where the land is red and purple clay formations. It looks like how I imagine the surface of Mars looks. He found it and we took the kids to play there on Saturday. I ran up and down the ridges hopping from one hill to another just like I did when I was 9. This morning I received a youtube link where Ninja has turned our trip photos into a movie trailer and spliced it with Mission to Mars footage. I love it so much. I told him ‘Ooooh Thank you!!! You are so creative. That’s amazing! I feel like a giddy kid. The moon, stars and now the red planet! My wish list is being filled up!’
    He text back. ‘I’m glad you like it. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve… Better start adding to that list of yours :)’

  3.  #3Kyla on April 28, 2014 at 6:23 am

    I’m a space travel nerd. Ninja has given me the moon, the stars and now the red planet!! He took us to a place I visited on a school trip years and years ago where the land is red and purple clay formations. It looks like how I imagine the surface of Mars looks. He found it and we took the kids to play there on Saturday. I ran up and down the ridges hopping from one hill to another just like I did when I was 9. This morning I received a video link where Ninja has turned our trip photos into a movie trailer and spliced it with Mission to Mars footage. I love it so much. I told him ‘Ooooh Thank you!!! You are so creative. That’s amazing! I feel like a giddy kid. The moon, stars and now the red planet! My wish list is being filled up!’
    He text back. ‘I’m glad you like it. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve… Better start adding to that list of yours :)’

  4.  #4Kyla on April 28, 2014 at 6:25 am

    And I’ve taken a few steps towards my new project 🙂 I’m feeling brave, tingling with excitement and adventurous. I am ready to break free. I am getting the ball rolling. Things are starting to move around me again and I want to catch this current and flow with it.

  5.  #5Kyla on April 28, 2014 at 6:48 am

    The more I focus on what makes me feel happy and alive and thoroughly enjoy each moment that I’m brought.. the more surprising wonderful moments and gifts that I attract to me and they are bigger and better and more spectactular than if I had planned them. I love happy surprises and I am slowly giving over control and accepting the awesomeness of flow. I can change direction but I can’t control what’s up ahead so I may as well enjoy the journey. I feel cracked open from my self made cage.

  6.  #6Femininewoman on April 28, 2014 at 6:58 am

    I did stir up a lot of fear for me. I am practicing letting go of expectations which really feels odd because I didn’t even realize I had so many that I was clinging on to.

  7.  #7Azure Blu on April 28, 2014 at 7:07 am

    I read your post when you ended your fabulous weekend with a few small triggers as you took some space for yourself…
    and NOW this morning I feel your energy
    Thank you for continuing to share your journey with Ninja as it is a lovely, gentle reminder of what a forward moving relationship with a masculine man looks like,,,,
    Mmmmm i feel hopeful for me
    and as Rori says in this post… lost of learning and practice until then
    I am feeling re-energized today!!!
    ((((hugs))) and thanx

  8.  #8sweet goddess on April 28, 2014 at 7:10 am

    Sirens, how do you work with differentiating between triggers (your stuff) and when someone is actually treating you badly, not giving you attention etc?

    I feel like a trigger pool these days…. mostly with my girlfriends….. My husband feels like the only person who “knows” me, gets me …in a deep and connected way.

    The rest everything feels like a pretence…like people are competing, feeling jealous, learning from me without acknowledging me…ignoring me on purpose…being sarcastic without reason etc…

    I feel so scared. i feel so ewww. it this me or is this them ? or does it not matter? I thought il make new girlfriends…may be the ones I picked before were a mirror of me…but I feel my insides cringe at the thought of going out in public and meeting a new bunch of girlfriends with whom the cycle of jealously / competition etc would continue…..

    I really dont feel like meeting my girls… i never feel a part of the group either….i always feel like a rori outsider..more feminine energy whereas everyone else is talking 100% of the time..being really loud etc..I feel dull around these women..Is it me? is it them? what do i ?

    I feel committed to my healing 🙂

  9.  #9sweet goddess on April 28, 2014 at 7:16 am

    Oh and I also want to share..Ive been writing a journal of my feelings around girl friends.
    I also realize that perhaps there IS jealousy, there IS a desire for them to have what I have (may be a doting man like my hubby? I dont know)…but there are also helpful feelings…some good feelings…
    and may be I should focus on them??

  10.  #10Veronica on April 28, 2014 at 7:19 am


    I enjoy reading your posts because I learn so much from them – I haven’t had a man put in a lot of effort for me. When I read what Ninja has done, I’m rethinking what counts as ‘effort’ – he just seems so tuned in.

  11.  #11Veronica on April 28, 2014 at 7:21 am

    Oh going out alone, that seems so romantic and scary. I want to try that. Tinder though,I’ll practice first being by myself out there.

  12.  #12sweet goddess on April 28, 2014 at 7:27 am

    I feel like such a crackpot on this blog sometimes because I share everything that´s not right. But I also feel brave enough to own up to my take charge of my own happiness.

    Its really funny that I am never here or hardly here cause of my loving husband..he totally worked hard to win me, proposed to me within one year for marriage within one year of dating and dotes on me like anything. That makes me feel very special and goddessy.

    But as Dominique brings up anything unlike itself to heal..and his total adoration and love and devotion makes me listen much harder to all the pent up pain inside…all the bad habits / all the bad friends I hired to not love me but beat me up and compete with me…

    I feel determined to heal..I will heal.. I feel curious about what the release of this tension will bring to my body…

  13.  #13sweet goddess on April 28, 2014 at 7:39 am

    Ah. May be I should practice sharing my joys here? I have many of them..May be writing them down consciously will make me focus more on the good in my life vs. the bad?


    Wow. I feel like riff queen today…But it feels SO good to have this outlet :))) On that note, looking forward to the holiday coming up for next weekend with hubby on the beach…YAHOO

  14.  #14T-Girl on April 28, 2014 at 7:48 am

    From the last thread: I want to thank everyone that wished me well. Azure Blue, I met my fiance at a poker party through a Meet up event. Ad it turns out, he had emailed me prior to that night thru a dating site but I never responded lol. Also, I had brought a last minute date with me to the poker party 🙂 Goes to show you just never know. But I knew he was different than any man I had dated before. He did all the persuing, booked all my time and treated me like a goddess. He even calls me goddess.

  15.  #15Kyla on April 28, 2014 at 7:53 am

    Thanks Azure Blu I feel so smiley reading that! My little triggery feelings just wanted some me time to rest and take a break away from socialising. I feel refreshed again. I feel drained after too much activity even when it feels good.

    Veronica, me too! I never had a man make so much effort. With Ninja its not effort at all as such because its all stuff that he likes doing anyway. I enjoy them so he’s happy to share that with me but I’m sure he would be doing them one way or another lol

  16.  #16Azure Blu on April 28, 2014 at 7:58 am

    Sweet G
    Thank you for sharing this journey with feelings about your gf…
    There will be a Girlz nite on Wed…
    I want to practice listening at level 2 and unzippering my heart…
    I;ll see what comes up

  17.  #17sweet goddess on April 28, 2014 at 8:05 am

    Azure Blu.. Have fun 🙂 Rori also talks about throwing ourselves right into the trigger unless slowly it starts to lose its power over us.. May be I should also arrange a girls night out soon ? 🙂

  18.  #18Azure Blu on April 28, 2014 at 8:15 am

    Lovely, happy story!!!
    Thank you for sharing this…
    I feel butterflies and sunshine (some jelousy… 🙂
    about how the RR tools can work
    How I want to be treated…
    I’m staying open and practicing
    Gentle love, and tender care from ME

  19.  #19Azure Blu on April 28, 2014 at 8:41 am

    Sweet G 16
    Yes Arrange a Girlz nite… AND PICK the gfs YOU want to see… :-}
    Our Girlz nite – we have established boundaries about who can come… NO men (Very rarely– and only if it is checked out ahead of time)
    And we always ask each other about inviting someone new to the group… and we have said NO

    We have noticed keeping the number down (4-6)
    keeps it more intimate and we can more supportive to each other in a small group..
    not everyone makes it every time…
    Have fun!!! :-}

  20.  #20Azure Blu on April 28, 2014 at 8:49 am

    PS of course there are many ways to do Girlz nite groups…
    I have a GF who travels between our group and another Large group (7-12)
    She gets different things from each…
    I have noticed she has been coming to ours more often lately…
    We ARE the Goddesses!!! :-}}

  21.  #21GlowStix on April 28, 2014 at 9:00 am

    Riding the high of such a great weekend…
    It felt comforting and relaxing and light and fun and also connected and deep. We talked and hung out and ate fabulous home cooked meals (some his cooking, some mine). I spent some time on my own, gardening. We spent half of sunday in bed…Having sex and watching shows and sleeping and repeating. Not much better than that 🙂 Bliss.

  22.  #22Kyla on April 28, 2014 at 9:02 am

    I want to share a new trigger around chatrooms. I feel afraid. I am working with a company that hosts live sex chatrooms and all this research into it just feels so terrible. I have done so much work around porn that it doesn’t bother me and now this has thrown me for a loop. I don’t know why it bothers me so much but it does. Ickk yeuch I don’t like it. Why is this coming up? Ahh and the tinter post triggered it right to the surface. I want to love on this and see whats hiding for me underneath.

    If your man was using these chatrooms would you be ok? Is it the same as porn? Is it just a harmless tool for masterbation? Is it cause for concern if everything else feels good and secure in your relationship? I feel my head spinning. I feel afraid to discover this in my own life. I want to make peace with whatever fear is gripping my heart around this.

  23.  #23Azure Blu on April 28, 2014 at 9:02 am

    A few more thoughts on Girl Friends…
    I did begin to CD my gf (friends only)… in choosing who i want in my life
    I would let the ones that did not work go
    I didn’t really go AFTER the new girl friends…
    they simply showed up through business networking and mutual friends.
    When I found a group that I liked (down-to-earth, friendly, smart, energetic, sassy)
    I SLOWLY flowed into their group…
    showed up where they were… sometimes not invited (at bars or get togethers)
    and kept making time and effort for this group of lovely sirens…
    It has taken time… but I NEED positive gf in my life for balance and support, silliness, girlyness, happiness!!!
    MMMMmmmm i feel warm, soft, lovely, breezy when I think about how lucky I am to have these women in my life…

  24.  #24Azure Blu on April 28, 2014 at 9:08 am

    Wow GlowStix,
    It feels like a movie… LOVELY, warm slow, gentle

  25.  #25sweet goddess on April 28, 2014 at 9:13 am

    Azure Blu.. Thank you for sharing your experiences with your girls 🙂 I do have a couple of really supportive girls that I really enjoy being around. But they are all spread over in different cities … due to my travel and experiences.. and virtual contact is maintained all the time but I also need girls to just go out with in my own city…the ones I am surrounded by are not necessarily the ones I picked up….they are all just friends cause they are just there. I increasingly also notice that I don´t get along or fit into any groups..I enjoy more one on one and I feel my best when Im around women I feel comfortable with… I mostly enjoy women who can be themselves..say their truth..with a lot of the women who I am surrounded by at least in my city..they all look so put together and so doesnt feel real to me feels like a race on who is best looking….who has the best man..whose man loves her the most… etc etc.. It just feels this way…I work from home so I hardly meet new people..its not so easy for me…somehow…and so I still keep meeting these same old women…

  26.  #26sweet goddess on April 28, 2014 at 9:18 am


    Big kiss to you. I know how this feels. Even the most devoted and loving man can visit porn sites or be turned on by looking at nude ads on the ticker of a website. Its the way they are wired.
    In the beginning of my marriage, I shared it with my husband… I had seen some porn on his history and I felt so icky and terrible… He heard me. Understood. Said he doesnt need porn.

    we have come a long way since then…in our sexually low periods when he is under stress at work etc..I turned to porn cause I needed it.. he saw the ads appearing on my computer and asked me if I had seen porn? I said yes..But i feel really scared to confess this because I know that although I saw it… I would still feel sensitive around you seeing it…
    He said to me.. yes I understand. you are a woman. You have a right to feel sensitive around these things..But you have full freedom to do it honey..dont not judging you for it…

    That felt so so strengthening and accepting from his side.

    So all I can say with my experience is that firstly it doesn´t mean anything to a man emotionally. Secondly, its ok to share with him how u feel without having expectations that he would never do it. He is human afterall.

    ah. I feel like I wrote a lot here… :d also Dominique is the expert in this subject..She has so much to offer on her website if you dig into this topic.

    Love to you. Feel your icky feelings and swim to the other side 🙂

  27.  #27GlowStix on April 28, 2014 at 9:19 am

    I have some thoughts in regards to the discussion on “fixing” a man’s anger and allowing him his feelings of anger etc.

    In my experience with anger and the man is that is is DEFINITELY more beneficial to identify with his anger and allow it space to exist than it is to attempt to “cheer it up” in any way.

    And what this looks like for me personally (my own approach) is different every time.
    It really depends on where the anger is coming from or what the trigger was. If I was involved in the trigger and the anger is coming in my direction. It looks like saying “ok” a lot, in response to what he’s saying. Meaning…Allowing him to say it. Not arguing with it and also not validating it. It is sometimes saying “I’m feeling ____ and I don’t want to be here anymore” and walking away. I can 100% rely on him to come to talk to me when he’s calm. Never fails.
    (maybe that’s just a specific green flag trait with this individual man). There is resolution every time.

    When his anger is triggered by something or someone else, it is most beneficial to listen at level 2. To occasionally identify with it: “Oh, that sounds so shitty. I hear you.”
    And to NOT let it affect me. Lots of inner work around that…It is ok for him to not be in a good mood. Just as it is ok for me to not be in a good mood. It is not my job to ensure that he feels nothing but awesome at all times…Which is also beneficial to understand in order to allow myself to not feel 100% awesome at all times, but that’s a different topic.

    I get the sense i’m rambling a little. But the common thread is…It’s OK that he feels angry sometimes. Life is not happy sunshine and butterflies ALL the time, for either one of us. It’s not even necessarily UP TO me to “let him” be angry. That’s his business. However, since my default is to “fix”, and since that has never benefitted either of us, I have to make it my business to actively allow him that right.
    So long as he is not abusive (I have never felt abused with him…Maybe insulted lol) or toxifying my life…
    I feel happy to oblige, and the result is a safe space relationship for everyone.

  28.  #28sweet goddess on April 28, 2014 at 9:22 am


    That felt so good to read. Well done !! Its not ramble, its wisdom and skills and you sound like you are rocking it 🙂 I also try this with my hubby all the time… Love !!

  29.  #29GlowStix on April 28, 2014 at 9:35 am

    🙂 thank you Azure Blu 23, and Sweet Goddess 27.

  30.  #30Azure Blu on April 28, 2014 at 9:40 am

    Such great insight into anger and men…
    REally great!! thank you for this…

    I think men have a more forceful way of expressing (Im not referring to abuse)
    I was raised with 2 sisters and a mom (dad wasnt around)
    We did get angry but not with the same force

    So when I had a son I was not familiar with this kind of louder more exuberant show of emotion…
    I tried to control it… Poor guy
    Because of Rori…
    Over time I have healed this with him (feeling messages, curiousity about what he is feeling etc.)
    Now When he shows manly exuberance (anger, happiness, joking, laughter) I relax and enjoy the manliness of it!!!

    When he is expressing anger it is difficult NOT to want to rescue… this is a gentle reminder of the power of the word – Oh, ok.

  31.  #31GlowStix on April 28, 2014 at 9:40 am

    I do feel up in my head today. I love my up in my head existence…Worries. I love my worries, light and heavy alike. I feel tension between my shoulders. I feel myself relax my tension.

    Totally random thought…I might change my handle on the blog. I desire that newness.

  32.  #32GlowStix on April 28, 2014 at 9:49 am


    Oh…That is food for thought!

    I grew up with a brother, and my dad was around.
    My dad was and is a good dad, and he was also perhaps emotionally unavailable. I wonder about that, and some of my own difficulty with emotion.
    My brother was a typical bully style brother. Nothing too hard core but he picked on me and roughed me up. On occasion I would be scolded for “pushing his buttons”, and I rarely felt validated. I recognize now that I felt abused, unheard, powerless. Over time maybe I swallowed my ability to speak up for myself.

    With my ex-husband (and only other serious relationship) I played a motherly role mostly. Until he took his power back by seeking it elsewhere, and then I took the doormat role. In a nutshell.

    It feels interesting to me to look at this stuff objectively. It helps me with my current process and navigation system.

    Thanks 🙂

  33.  #33GlowStix on April 28, 2014 at 9:51 am

    I dig that my current role is nothing but just me. Guided by me, being me, in a way that me-likes, very much.

  34.  #34Silver-Tongued Siren on April 28, 2014 at 10:03 am

    I always come here wishing I had more time to read and share.
    Thank you everyone for sharing your help, advice, practicing tools together, and sharing your experiences here. It really helps me to have others who relate and to come here and fill myself up with reminders about how to be when I need them.

    Everything feels so intense a lot of the time, as I feel so deeply and am very empathic. I have been under nearly constant stress for the past 7 years and guess I am feeling the effects of that as well as not much sleep, when often I feel frazzled, can’t focus, can’t seem to decide what to do first, feel a bit confused. I’ve felt that way this week and this time I think it had a lot to do with stress. And despite the fact that I have a lot of stress over my relationship, my stress surely does not HELP my relationship. I feel like I need some reminders lately too, I feel like I’m slipping in my behavior pretty badly.

    What do you all do to feel open and relaxed?

    Yoga feels good to me but I’m always so tired and have a little one running around and have a lot of other things to do. When I do it for an hour or more, I feel great!

    Looking up bible verses, and especially praying, helps, especially if I’m using “affirmative” prayer, giving thanks for all that is and it really helps me see things I didn’t see, as well as getting me more centered in faith. Knowing the direction and promises in the bible, knowing what I can have faith in God to do, and what God desires of us. I feel conscious of the fact that some of these subjects turn some people off due to their experiences, but this is important to me and something I’ve found to be true. I have found that the more deeply I stay in my faith in God, the more able I am to handle the difficulties in my relationship and stay calm through them instead of getting caught up in anxiousness and fear.

    Baths and music are nice, though I need more good music to listen to. Also getting out in nature. But with kids around I don’t get much quiet time.

    What do you do to feel relaxed, calm, and open?
    What works best for you? Quickest? Most deeply? Moment to moment?

  35.  #35Liquid Light on April 28, 2014 at 10:11 am

    Kyla, I am so happy for you and your evolving relationship with Ninja. It sounds absolutely amazing, loving and magical!

    Sweet Goddess, I’ve had a lot of issues with girlfriends and competition and jealousy. I absolutely hate that vibe I get from some women. It makes me cringe and makes me just want to retreat from them. And for the most part, I have. It’s hard for me to want to give my energy to friends that are competitive with me. It’s happened so many times though I’m just sick and tired of it. I’m not sure what to do about it but why do so many women behave like that? It’s been really hard to find friendships that don’t have that dynamic…sigh. I do wonder how much I am contributing to it. Maybe I’m being competitive and jealous and I don’t know it??? But as soon as I get that vibe from a woman, I do my best to reassure her that I’m not competing and not trying to move in on her man or whatever. But once she gets that notion in her head, I’ve noticed its hard to shake it so now I just usually walk away from the friendship. 🙁

  36.  #36Dominique on April 28, 2014 at 10:44 am

    Kyla – 1-5 – SO wonderful. Openness and curiosity all the while taking the best care of you. Feels amazing, doesn’t it?


  37.  #37Dominique on April 28, 2014 at 10:48 am

    sweet goddess – 7 – I usually suggest bringing things back to you all the time. People are often reflecting you back to you, but not always literally. It could be your fears being reflected back to you. Ask yourself if what you think you see is truly true? The more you heal, the more will the people around you reflect this healing. So if you do take the risk to make new friends, they are far more likely to more closely align with this new you emerging. Try trusting yourself more.


  38.  #38Dominique on April 28, 2014 at 10:52 am

    And your idea, sweet goddess, about sharing more about the wonderfulness of your world will also help you see the wonderfulness in your friends. What you focus on grows after all.


  39.  #39Silver-Tongued Siren on April 28, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    Kyla, I have been very much enjoying your posts –
    As well as FeminineWoman and Mercedes and others.

    As for the blog, I’d noticed the postings not feeling like the kind of content I have been enjoying reading here – as well as the newsletters (a long while back) becoming more markety and less information.
    I feel sure Rori is doing her best to continue to grow her business and understandably, has to choose what to focus on. I do enjoy the more informative posts/newsletters though.

    Mercedes: I like your suggestion to sweetgoddess to do visualizations. I tend to get caught up in things at times and envisioning things more positively helps.

  40.  #40Linda on April 28, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    I don’t know what tinder is unless it is what you use it to start a fire. hehe

  41.  #41Linda on April 28, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    Kyla… I looked up the feeling charts you shared about. What a great resource. Just what I needed in black and white to spread my wings in the feeling messages area.

    Also I was wondering if Ninja has a brother and if he does send him my way (wink) !

  42.  #42Helena Hart on April 28, 2014 at 5:01 pm

    Hi Linda! 39 – Tinder is a dating app, you can find a brief explanation of what it is and how to use it (along with some other popular dating apps) here:

    Love, Helena

  43.  #43Sirana on April 28, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    Welcome thoughts!! Feeling so tense. Had argument last night. He is still so mad at me ( or worse doesn’t care anymore). Ignoring me tonight. Won’t talk. I feel like he misinterpreted what I said because I know I didn’t say anything hurtful. Yet he thinks I did. I feel like he often misunderstands what I say. I know my job is not to “fix” but it kills me to think he is fading away and it is based on something not true. I feel so unhealthy. Body actually shakes from stress.

  44.  #44Saida on April 28, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    I am in the best relationship I have ever been in because of your help. He is telling me that I’m the one, and we have lots of ‘being’ space/time together. Great sex – I’m 68 he is 61, he needs to take Viagra but is great pleasing me (;-p) We live about 50 minutes away from each other, and it seems like we have better times when I go to his house. I’ve given him the “I don’t want to be a girlfriend, but a wife speech” several times. He has lots of free time now, he’s not working, and he doesn’t want me to leave when it is time for me to go home.

    The issue – he is still on Match…we met on Match. He says he just enjoys looking, and he says I am still on it, so why can’t he be on it. I don’t know how to answer him with that. I am still CD’ing, not pushing it in his face, but he did find out once, and he keeps asking me if I am late coming over whether I’ve been on a date. He says he is not going out, that he has found what he is looking for. He is recently divorced, was very successful, his ex wife pretty much cleaned him out financially, he was fired from his last job, so finances are now really tight for him, not a good time for him to be thinking of getting married again.

    Even though we have a great time together do you think we are in an illusory relationship. Should I ask him to get off Match and should I get off as well.

    Whatever suggestions you have about how to answer his Match question I would appreciate.


  45.  #45Kyla on April 28, 2014 at 7:53 pm

    So glad you found it useful Linda!!
    He does have a brother who, alas, is gay and married 😉 My little sister was very disappointed lol

  46.  #46Femininewoman on April 28, 2014 at 8:00 pm

    Helena Hart

    “If you were to catch yourself beating yourself up and then say, “Wow, I just caught myself beating myself up! I need to love myself and have compassion for myself” – and say that in his presence, he would feel incredibly connected to you!

    To see you turn from beating yourself up to loving yourself would turn him on to you completely!

    That would make him believe you – because all he sees in our love without deep connection is need and urgency – and he doesn’t get it!

    Deep down he’s worried that he can’t make you happy – that he’s constantly disappointing you, that he’s no good for you – which makes him feel angry and act worse.

    Men have so much anger around feeling inadequate and ineffectual – especially with the economy the way it is now – they feel like they can’t act like men or feel like men.”

  47.  #47Femininewoman on April 28, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    Randy Bennett:-

    The 5 Basic Needs that ALL Men Have…

    What are these needs? They are:

    1. Words of affirmation and praise.

    2. A sense of being respected.

    3. The feeling that he is being listened to and heard.

    4. Physical touch. (This doesn’t necessarily mean intercourse, but rather affection.)

    5. Intimacy and bonding. (yes, believe it or not!)

    All you have to do is meet these five basic needs, and meet them consistently, to see your relationship transformed right before your eyes.

    Meeting these needs gives you a great deal of influence with your man — he’ll be willing to do almost ANYTHING you ask, at the drop of a hat, because you have suddenly become the source of most of the good feelings he’s having about his life.

    He may not even realize what’s happening.

    The best part is, this is “ethical influence” because you’re meeting his most basic psychological needs. Not wants, but needs. It’s as if you are nourishing his soul”

  48.  #48Kyla on April 28, 2014 at 8:08 pm

    I started my book. I already had the outline and wrote my first 2000 words of my first draft tonight 🙂
    I have folders, computer files and notebooks all over my home with all the work I’ve been gathering for my project and I’m finally organising and putting it all together. I’ve been carrying it all around in my heart for some day when conditions are perfect. No more delay, just jumping in where I am. I’ve even got 2 half started websites I started last year that I finally know what to do with now and most of the content I need to get them up and functioning is already done I just need to put it up there. Its all sitting here waiting to be put to use. I’m not in a financial position this moment to implement my business plan but I can start on some aspects now with what I’ve got and work on it parttime until I do and that way right now, its not so scary. There really is no risk except people not wanting what I have to offer and thats ok too as what I’m doing now is as much for me as it might be beginning of a profitable business. I feel excited to have begun. I set myself a challenge to write 1000 words a day for the next 30 days to get me motivated. I write everyday anyway (including spamming the blog!) so its no big deal and now that I have tangible things to work towards I feel this is going to just flow so quickly.

  49.  #49prplpsn28 on April 28, 2014 at 8:11 pm


  50.  #50Helena Hart on April 28, 2014 at 8:21 pm

    Femininewoman – 45 – Thanks for sharing that! 🙂

    Yes, what men need is to be able to feel MASCULINE in the relationship. If you can give a man the belief that he fulfills your needs in a romantic, masculine way – and really trust him to fulfill you in an emotional sense – he’ll turn into a knight in shining armor, because that’s what he wants to be!

    Love, Helena

  51.  #51Veronica on April 28, 2014 at 10:10 pm

    What if you do those five things and he still decides to leave?

  52.  #52Helena Hart on April 28, 2014 at 10:24 pm

    Veronica – 50 – I don’t know the details of your situation, but generally speaking, if you did those five things – and you were in your feminine energy and not overfunctioning – and a man still decides to leave, he couldn’t possibly have been the right person for you. You just “weeded him out.”

    When you look at it this way, there is no rejection, there’s only a “wrong fit.”

    I believe that there’s not a wasted moment or wasted opportunity, because everything in your life is leading you to the love you want and deserve.

    Love, Helena

  53.  #53sweet goddess on April 29, 2014 at 12:06 am

    Good Morning Sirens 🙂

    Feeling happy and excited about my life. I feel so goddessy this morning…like the world is out there only for me… What am I grateful for this morning?
    I feel grateful for a having a pair of very loving parents, who love me no questions asked. I feel so grateful to have a husband who dotes on me and takes care of my every single “whim” and desire and sits with my tears when I have them. Who makes love to me like im the only girl in the world 😉
    I feel thankful for my sister … the bestest friend I could have ever… I feel thankful to God for the high level of education and skills I possess, that I have work and get money to satisfy all my desires for dresses and shoes and bags 😀 I feel thankful to god for making me beautiful and giving me a healthy body.

    I have SO many blessings… So many.. Today I will indulge in what I have…and slowly I will do it everyday…

    DOminique thank you for your advice. You are so right. I want to heal this within myself….I´ve healed my self so well with my husband´s ex…you are so right that if we indulge into a really bad feeling with loses its power over us somehow.

    Yay. I feel excited for my healing with my girls.. we are all trying our best at any given moment.. love to u all xo

  54.  #54Veronica on April 29, 2014 at 12:21 am

    Thank you Helena.

    A lot of NVs are bothering me. I can sense myself slipping into that. But your words soothe me – especially the decisiveness I can have for myself: “you weeded him out”. I hadn’t thought of it quite like that, that me being this way repels those I don’t fit with and attracts those that will. Seems kind of obvious, but it didn’t to me when I feel the soup coming on. I felt despondent going through my messages with BM when we were in a relationship – I was using feeling messages from the beginning and noticing how so little of that energy was coming back from him, even over time, even after Rori. Painful. I just cannot fathom how there can be so little response to that even over such a long period of time. And for most of them I was just sharing how I felt. Cringe.

    Your words are so supportive, I feel good being sireny and feel inspired to explore me and those 5 things. Downward spiral averted – thank you so much. xo

  55.  #55Veronica on April 29, 2014 at 12:42 am

    And then I started crying. I felt overwhelmed – I realised I don’t ever have to be there again, that it’s not going to happen again. I feel safe. I said my feeling messages as I was crying and then calm again, all within minutes. Wow.

  56.  #56Veronica on April 29, 2014 at 12:46 am

    And then I started crying. I felt overwhelmed. I realised that this isn’t going to happen again, that I won’t be in that place ever again. I feel safe. I said my feeling messages as I was crying, and within minutes I felt calm. Wow.

  57.  #57sweet goddess on April 29, 2014 at 1:00 am

    Veronica love to you. Big Hug. You ain´t alone. Its a journey…and we are all with each other in it :)))

  58.  #58Saida on April 29, 2014 at 5:41 am

    I love all of Rori’s teachings – I feel they are really helping. Not sure what to do when the man whom I am dating is still on Match, had the Match screen open when I came to visit him…said he is just a “looker” not going out with anyone but me. And retorts back to me when I question him, that he knows I’m still active on Match. Any suggestions ladies? Anyone recall what Rori says about this?

  59.  #59Femininewoman on April 29, 2014 at 6:02 am

    Saida you are focussed on what he is doing and trying to control him by telling him to get off of Match. Remember you have a choice here, regardless of your age.

  60.  #60Cupcake on April 29, 2014 at 6:10 am

    Sweet goddess,

    I feel so bad that you are struggling with the social circle issues. I remember you writing about it months ago, before your husband was in such a disheatening job situation, and I feel so wistful, imagining how nice it would be for you to have girlfriends to truly relax with. You are in a city you have not been in for very long, too, aren’t you?

    Have you tried using Roris tools with the women? My sister and I have always had a very troubled relationship, and this year when something weird happens between us, I stick with “I feel” and “I want/don’t want” and it has mad an incredible shift.

    I think the reason is that when we say our truth, our energy resonates differently and people can feel that we are saying our truth. Then it feels we are standing on a firm rock in a shifting desert. It feels like that to the person we’re talking to, and also to us. And usually the person wants to climb up on the firm rock. Even if they have crappy petty friendship habits, as it sounds like your social circle does. (Didn’t one of your girlfriends text flirty messages to your husband shortly after you were married)

    Anyway, you sound simply lovely to me, and I feel bad that you feel self conscious discussing the imperfections in your life on the board. It sounds to me like you have a good man who wants to sort out his career issue so he can get back to the business of taking care of you. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and a positive outlook, and definitely an open, adventurous, loving heart.

    I feel confident that you will discover along the way women who support you. In your everyday world, as well as all of us here.

    Much love to you.

    Your friend,


  61.  #61Andrea on April 29, 2014 at 6:15 am

    Okay, lovely Sirens. Leave it to me to try everything at least once. So I created a Tinder account last night and connected right away with a very HAWT man. Tall, tattooed, and muscular. Two years older than me.

    I get a “hook up” vibe from him but I am using feeling messages to simply be myself. So this morning he sent me his phone number (in case I’d like to text him) but then he asked: “Andrea, what are you looking for?”

    (In context of: Why am I on Tinder)

    So, may I riff here for a moment, and then if any of you wonderful women can pull a small feeling script from what I’m riffing… please help.

    I feel alone sometimes. I feel longing for a true partner, a true mate, a real person who is ready for commitment and looking to build something new with me. I feel a yearning for someone to lean on and someone to bounce ideas off of, someone who loves me and someone I can explore love with. I am looking for someone who is done with creating children and probably in the process of raising some of his own, someone who is complex enough to hear my complexities and not crack under the weight of the differences day to day, but understanding and listening and patient and kind. Right now, on Tinder, I’m looking for possibilities, for conversations, for inspiration, for some kind of hope that love is out there somewhere for me. I’m looking for interesting men who can help me get to the one, the very one I’m wanting. I feel thirsty for a smile, fearful of rejection, excited for new feelings to crop up, scared of old triggers taking over. I feel restless and impatient and want to push it, control it, push this man away because I’m insecure that he’s way too physically hot for me, but his smile makes me curious if even though he’s buff and into his body, could he be open to softness, to feminine plushness, to a woman with curves. I feel doubtful about this one and don’t want to pretend that I’m in it for a hook up because I’m not. I want a date, but I feel fearful that he’ll see me and reject me. I want a conversation some time when I feel relaxed and sensual and “enough”… enough for a man, even a good looking, physically hot man.

    What am I looking for? In a small enough sentence that I can Tinder message him back. I feel excited he gave me his phone number, but I’m not one to call or text men first. And I’m not comfortable at this stage to give him mine.

    Oooooohhhhh I feel all tweaked and excited again. New men. New possibility. New life. Maybe I will start to attract men who reflect my shift.

  62.  #62PixyStix on April 29, 2014 at 6:21 am

    Fresh new name for a fresh new start on the blog 🙂

  63.  #63Kyla on April 29, 2014 at 6:37 am

    Mmm Andrea thats an interesting question! Thank you for sharing that and giving me the opportunity to ask the question of myself! I feel excited to hear how your Tinder experience unfolds. Yay for you!

    My immediate answer to the question what am I looking for is I am looking for connection, it feels so good to connect, share an experience, explore something unknown and new.. all connection deepens my relationship with me. The relationship that I want is a deeply fulfilling, peaceful, loving relationship with myself. Everything and everyone I encounter ‘out there’ is just reflecting back my love for me and showing me the beliefs within me that want to be released, loved and healed. I really do love the idea that everything is a mirror although I know that is very triggering to some people. Whatever I see out there, whatever comes into my experience I say Thank You for showing me whats hiding within and giving me the opportunity to accept you and love you.

  64.  #64PixyStix on April 29, 2014 at 6:39 am

    hmmm I was going to go back to my other name until this one is approved by moderation, but this will be a good practice in patience.

    Good morning ladies 🙂

    I am going to work today and I want to make it my mission to be a breath of fresh air. It is *supposed* to be a nice hot day today and I feel in a fabulous mood. I am envisioning myself driving to and from work with my sunroof open, shades on, riding the high wave of good vibrations.
    It feels so much nicer to go to work when I actually feel pumped and enthused and have a mission to feel good. It also feels so much nicer to go to work when I don’t feel rushed. I got up nice and early…I don’t even have to leave for an hour, and i’ve been up for almost an hour.

    I might even play in the dirt when I get home and do some gardening. I almost feel addicted to my new hobby 🙂 Like I can’t wait till I have spare time to be out there. I’m all finished my digging and clearing phase, now I get to plant and grow things…How magical 🙂
    I found some old cinder blocks and I have plans to turn them into plant pots…Maybe a little herb garden for our cooking adventures. Fresh rosemary would be dynamite on home-sliced yam fries with bbq burgers.

    Oh man….SUMMER!! Hurry up and get here, and then take it nice and slow 😉

    Have a gorgeous day all!

  65.  #65Mercedes on April 29, 2014 at 6:48 am

    Tinder? 🙁 Ugh!

    Maybe we should put down the phones and turn off the computers and make eye contact and meet people organically instead of leaning forward and with “hey…here I am…sitting here having tea…anybody want to meet me? Anyone?” Perfect example of leaning forward from above: “You can signal where you are, where you’ll be in 20 minutes.” In other words…pursue him.

    🙁 Feels very sad to me.

    Silver: Thank you so much! I do enjoy visualizations. Especially changing my negative ones to positive ones. As soon as I realize I’m caught up in a negative “story”, I try to stop myself and change it to the exact opposite story. A GREAT story….with the opposite ending of the one I was just creating. 🙂 It’s fun.

    Much Love,

  66.  #66GlowStix on April 29, 2014 at 6:56 am

    Hi Andrea!

    Just some food for thought…
    It is my understanding (from having dated HOT men, and from friends having dated HOT men-none of us are perfect models) that (most) hot men do not think of their looks in the same way we do. Men desire other qualities within themselves (other than looks) and men have very, very diverse desires when it comes to what they find physically attractive in a woman. LOADS of men, HOT men even, LOVE a curvy, soft, plushy woman. You gotta love it too…Love your plush! 😉
    The trick is not to treat a very very hot guy any differently than you would treat an average looking guy. They are all men underneath, after all.

    I detect some innocent judgements as well. Just because he is hot and sexy and inked does not necessarily mean he isn’t seeking deep connection and love over sex. I learned that one from experience.
    That doesn’t mean you are wrong….It just means to be open to the possibility until you are shown otherwise. Taking it moment by moment. The removal of these judgements will always be a bonus for you. It is an open and attractive quality, yes, but most of all, YOU won’t be limiting yourself by erecting those walls.

    I haven’t written a script for anyone in ages, and it feels important to me to stay within this boundary, at least for now. So I will refrain from doing that for you. I’m sure there are plenty of seasoned sirens who can help you.

    Love 🙂

  67.  #67Kyla on April 29, 2014 at 7:05 am

    Hmmm that’s interesting. I don’t see the pursuing here. I see it as leaning back, being an invitation and announcing/expressing your availablility to the world, opening up to the possibility of connection, making a space for a man to step forward should he want to. Its up to him if he wants to accept the invitation and pursue or not. I feel excited with the idea. My resistance to Tinder was the way its used for instant casual hookups with random strangers. I like how Rori reframed how it can be used to me. We can use any tool in anyway we wish 🙂

  68.  #68Saida on April 29, 2014 at 7:10 am

    I really like the positive quality of GlowStix’s comments. I also feel that “master minding” is a great way to change my outlook. I do it with a girlfriend often. We start our day envisioning things that we want in our lives – each of us for a few minutes – as if they were happening now. Like-
    “today I’m going to feel really good about myself, I’m going to be exuding love to everyone I meet and especially to myself. My energy is at its height and getting higher, whenever I receive some challenge in my life, I see why it has come and how it will serve me, etc.” and as we take our turn to do this – moods change and we become more positive attractors…and we seem to become magnets for miracles…


  69.  #69Femininewoman on April 29, 2014 at 7:10 am

    Andrea I felt overwhelmed reading that comment. I like what Glowstix said. It seems “for me” his question what do you want is a simple one. My answer would simply be something about human interaction with another human being.

  70.  #70Femininewoman on April 29, 2014 at 7:12 am

    Also I do believe it is okay to make the first call when on a dating site. I believe it shows openness.

  71.  #71Dominique on April 29, 2014 at 8:10 am

    Andrea – 59 – “I’m looking for possibilities, for conversations, for inspiration, for some kind of hope that love is out there somewhere for me.”

    How about this? Pretty much says it all.


  72.  #72Cupcake on April 29, 2014 at 8:25 am

    Dear Sirens,

    I am feeling excited today. My astrologer friend says that last nights new moon coupled with lunar eclipse makes the next days feel generous with new opportunities and beginnings. There are balls in the air in my life, several of them, and it feels like I am just standing there, smiling, looking up to see which way they will fall and bounce.

    I’m writing because I just got a phone call from a guy friend who used to be an imaginary relationship. He was the guy, out of every guy I have ever known, who was The Thunderbolt. Even he said that the connection between us felt like nothing normal, like we had definitely known each other in a past life. He said he never believed in reincarnation until we met. (He came to repair an appliance at my house, and when I opened the door, we just stood there staring at each other like, “OMG! It’s YOU!!” having never seen each other before.

    There is no longer a possibility of romance between us. He chose to stay with the girl he was with when we met (and although I know an emotional affair is still an affair, he never cheated on her physically) — but anyway, he called “to make sure I was still alive” and I felt so happy to hear his voice. I’m laughing at myself now because, although I used feeling messages, my energy was so un-sireny that as we hung up, I was already rolling my eyes and laughing at myself. I have all these wonderful balls in the air, and hearing this guys voice, part of me was still thinking, “If you asked me to marry you right now I would agree to meet you at the church in ten minutes.”

    He could feel it. I could feel him feel it. It was partly because I haven’t talked to him in a couple months, and partly because when he called, I could feel the waterwheel pouring through the phone in my direction. Then I started putting energy into the waterwheel going the other way, and when we hung up the waterwheel was taking a rest. Like it could not go in either direction.

    I feel fine about the conversation ending that way. This guy is my friend now, and he isn’t going anywhere. We acknowledge that we matter to each other. Even if I never see each other again, it doesn’t change anything.

    I’m writing because I felt so amused and a little perplexed by my own letting go of my self-possession. And the difference in the energy between the start of the 10 minute conversation and the end of it.

    That is all, Sirens. Thanks for listening.


  73.  #73Femininewoman on April 29, 2014 at 8:26 am

    From CCarter email:-

    “Try saying something like this in a semi-serious way but with a smirk on your face…

    “You know, I might just decide to give you my number, but I’m not sure if you’re the right kind of guy yet – because I’m VERY PICKY and I only give my number out to guys that A) have their act together and B) are smart enough to know what they’re missing if they don’t call.”

    And then write down your number and hold it out for him to grab. But when he reaches for it, pull it away from his hand a little bit so he misses it…

    Then keep teasing him and ask him again with a wry smile on your face…

    “Well, do you have your act together? Because I really don’t have time for boys who don’t call…”

    This kind of thing will drive a man CRAZY and triggers a deep-level attraction response – not just a “physical” thing.”

  74.  #74Cupcake on April 29, 2014 at 8:34 am


    I would say…”What am I looking for? Hmmm. I want True Love! Doesn’t everyone? (eyelashes fluttering)
    And here…It feels like a fun idea to shake trees, when I pass them, to see what falls out. What about you?”

  75.  #75Cupcake on April 29, 2014 at 8:34 am


    I would say…”What am I looking for? Hmmm. I want True Love! Doesn’t everyone? (eyelashes fluttering)
    And here…It feels like a fun idea to shake trees, when I pass them, to see what falls out. What about you?”

  76.  #76Cupcake on April 29, 2014 at 8:35 am


    I would say…”What am I looking for? Hmmm. I want True Love! Doesn’t everyone? (eyelashes fluttering)
    And here…It feels like a fun idea to shake trees, when I pass them, to see what falls out. What about you? What do you want?”

  77.  #77Cupcake on April 29, 2014 at 8:36 am


    I would say…”What am I looking for? Hmmm. I want True Love! Doesn’t everyone? (eyelashes fluttering…)
    And here…It feels like a fun idea to shake trees, when I pass them, to see what falls out. What about you? What do you want?”

  78.  #78Veronica on April 29, 2014 at 8:37 am

    Sweet goddess – 55 – ((((Thank you))))) I’m so glad this blog exists, I’m not sure what I’d do without it.

  79.  #79Azure Blu on April 29, 2014 at 9:06 am

    Welll… I am soaring Sooo high today!!
    I have been agonizing, procrastinating
    feeling less than,
    about a presentation (on marketing your small company) I was asked to give for my friends Entreprenuer class, at a local community college…

    I bailed the last time she asked me (in Dec.)
    My Wonderful Siren friend believed in me sooo much she actually asked me again…
    I have been a graphic designer/web developer for 25 years
    I worked all week on it… (procrastinating) :-))

    On Sunday night I stayed up alll night working on it and putting together a power point pres. and the speech…
    first time I have EVER done anything like this

    Last night I went to the class and gave my presentation
    I interacted with class shared my thoughts and ideas with them and the 1 hour presentation evolved into 1 and a half hours…
    I had such a GREAT time doing this!!
    My friend called me later and was soo excited
    She said she couldn’t get this class to interact, show any enthusiasm or life
    I got them to interact with each other and us and be more excited about their dreams of opening up their own company!!
    She wants me to make a presentation EVERY class!!

    Sirens, It is because of all of you and Rori and this Blog that I was able to break through that thick, dark glass ceiling
    of NEVER feeling worthy or good enough for anything or anyone
    Now I am soaring!!!

    I keep gently giving ME more and more LOVE, kindness, respect, attention…
    These tools are Magic!
    I am soooo happy right NOW!!

  80.  #80Azure Blu on April 29, 2014 at 9:13 am

    Cupcake 68
    My heart jumped up and I got tears in my eyes when I read the part
    “I opened the door, we just stood there staring at each other like, “OMG! It’s YOU!!” having never seen each other before.”
    thank you for sharing this story… for some reason it is very compelling for me.

  81.  #81Azure Blu on April 29, 2014 at 9:24 am

    SSweetG 52
    I feel happy reading this post,,,
    and how peaceful you sound…

    thank you for the reminder that when we dig deep and indulge in our fears
    Feel those fears
    Gently for as long as it may take,,,
    They do poof
    after awhile…

  82.  #82Andrea on April 29, 2014 at 9:24 am

    Heehee…. Oh lovely flowing attraction energy coming in my direction.
    I have five new contacts on Tinder. The latest one messaged, “Hi, how is your morning. I just keep looking at your profile. You are a Cutie!!”
    I am not messaging anyone back right now because I’m supposed to be studying for my finals. hah!

    Except for Tattooed Hotness. Thanks for all the great tips! I messaged him: I feel so happy that you asked me what I am looking for. I feel charmed that you’re interested in what I want. Thank you so much. I guess I’m looking for laughter and connection. I feel a little awkward checking out this dating app, but excited and bubbly too. I feel anticipation for dates and just not knowing where things can lead, but feel the most expansive just living in the “now”.

    Right away he messaged me back: What are your passions? Do you have more pics? What’s your last name? Are you on facebook, I am. Will you text me?

    I feel smiles and like… he really wants to connect. I messaged him: Wow. I feel so flattered by your interest. But also feel distracted. : ) I have to get back to my homework. But you may contact me again tonight, possibly after ten.

    heehee… Oh I feel awakened again. hooray!

    Then he messaged me: Are you looking for something physical and then we’ll take it from there?

    hahah… Well, I’m not going to respond to that and I’m going to just lean back and get about my day and see what the messages might be like tonight. (I am most definitely turned on by him. And boy does it feel great to feel turned on by a man again. I mean Turned On by him, not just by the fact that a man likes me.)

    I have to admit, I would feel absolutely terrific if it turned out that my actual ONE was physically hard and sexy. Trigger!! I’ve always felt like I don’t deserve a hot man because I’m not physically what I would consider “hot”. I’m fun, bubbly, intelligent, feminine…. but not hot. Deep down inside… so jealous of the women who are.

    I’m feeling so excited to explore the possibility of getting over this trigger, this hiccup, and accept my body and looks as they are. Perhaps Tattooed Hotty is in my atmosphere to help me build my muscle in this area. I will tread lightly and yes, LOVE what Glowstix said about allowing him to unfold.

  83.  #83Cupcake on April 29, 2014 at 9:36 am

    Azure Blu #75

    I feel touched that my post moved you. And yet I feel honor bound to remind you of how potentially dangerous that kind of chemistry can be. Because I felt such a powerful attraction to him, I moved full time to my weekend house, and stayed far longer in a situation that was financial and emotionally unfeasible because I felt certain that chemistry like that meant a Disney movie happy ending.

    It didn’t.

    And Rori herself kept telling me it was not going to. (I was in a small group coaching class she offered at the time.) Did I listen? Nope.

  84.  #84Azure Blu on April 29, 2014 at 9:40 am

    Hugs to you…

    I’m not sure if this will help but I thought I might share something I have struggled with recently and found relief…
    I am 62
    I had been CLINGING, Grasping on to an imaginary relationship for 2 years…
    I continually felt something gut wrenching…
    I kept digging,
    trying to understand what this overwhelming sadness was that would come over me.
    one day after reading one of Rori’s archived posts…
    I began thinking about my age..
    I realized my whole body, mind and spirit believed I was too old…
    Life, love and happiness wasn’t slipping away
    They were RUNNING away!!
    every time I felt this wave of feelings overwhelm me
    I sank down with them
    Examined them
    LOVED them
    Gently Held them
    kissed them
    Not very long after, the fear of being too old for a good relationship slipped away…
    My clinging, scared, darling child felt
    listened to and LOVED.
    It has TOTALLY changed the dynamics with which I CD
    now. (still will come up now and then of course) :->

  85.  #85Azure Blu on April 29, 2014 at 10:18 am

    Andrea 77,
    I LOVE your message back to Tatooed hotty!

    I am feeling awe at how wonderful flowy and flirty your FM always are…
    I am feeling this is great practice this hot man is bringing to you…
    That YOU are Beautiful…
    When you look in the mirror what are the favorite parts of YOU?
    Maybe tell yourself “I LOVE your eyes Andrea”
    “I LOVE your lips Andrea” every morning and everynight
    and then wink
    Cause YOU are the Goddess!
    Just a suggestion…
    coach Valerie gave me that Tool and it helps ME soooo much..

  86.  #86Azure Blu on April 29, 2014 at 10:29 am

    Veronica 55
    Ahhhh lovely, lovely goddess…
    Helena said :”I believe that there’s not a wasted moment or wasted opportunity, because everything in your life is leading YOU to the love YOU want and deserve.”
    and You said
    “I realised that this isn’t going to happen again, that I won’t be in that place EVER again. I feel safe.”

    It feels like You are trusting YOU more and more…

    Rori says when TRUST OURSELVES, we can trust others and THEY can trust us…
    WOW, Veronica,
    VERY powerful for YOU>
    I am inspired reading all of this…
    Thank you

  87.  #87Dominique on April 29, 2014 at 10:36 am

    Azure Blu – 74 – YAY YOU!!! So awesome.


  88.  #88sweet goddess on April 29, 2014 at 10:40 am

    Cupcake !!

    wow. Your post made me feel soooo made me feel seen and heard…and that feel so precious and valuable to me. Its amazing that you remember all my postings from feels like speaking to someone who knows your story….

    Thank you for your compassion and your empathy. I often do feel a bit out of place here sharing my girl friend woes because most other people speak about men…but my man is great, does all the effort in the marriage and dotes on me and that part of my life feels really fulfiled.

    Now the next part is calling for my attention and healing…..other people close to me who trigger me in icky feeling ways…. Reading your post makes me feel more committed to my own healing…makes me feel more curious to decode the universe´s message for me in these situations…I would love to know what the lesson is?

    I will definitely try to use more of ” I feel” and I want/ dont want with the ladies …but somehow I feel they simply dont want to get deeper..connect at a deeper level… scared of intimacy may be? Many people are…. but everytime I do share my truth… write long messages sharing how my day was.. I get a disconnected two-liner back and it makes feel.. ohh.. not valued enough..makes me want to step back..

    and ironically when I do step back..when I ignore them.. dont answer their messages.. or give them classic bad treatment.. they seem to come running towards me.. “being nice”..and making up..

    I wonder what this is? I am a woman who treats others well and expect the same for myself.. It feels really weird to me that I have to treat people badly for them to treat me well.. I feel quite confused ..and yet each time I do this… ignore / neglect / not reply.. I get much more attention from them than they would normaly give me…

    Im not new to the city but close frieds are not around and in different cities….and what is close anyway? I dont know that relationship sadly with anyone except my sister, my parents and my husband…

    Thanks for listening.. and love to you cupcake for sending me so much strength from wheerever you are. kisses

  89.  #89Azure Blu on April 29, 2014 at 10:41 am

    Cupcake 78
    interesting to read the rest of the story… :->

    I love the “Did I listen… NOPE” I know what THAT is!!

    6 months ago I finally said NO MORE to a chemically induced relationship…
    but thank him for leading me to the best thing to happen to me – Rori Raye and this Blog!!!
    Cause now (armed with these powerful tools) I know That can Never happen again!!

  90.  #90Azure Blu on April 29, 2014 at 11:15 am

    Thank you Dominique!! Your comment makes me feel sunny and happy!

  91.  #91Azure Blu on April 29, 2014 at 11:21 am

    GlowStix 62
    A gentle reminder…
    It’s sorta like men thinking blondes are dumb and silly..

    Hot, good lookin men might have a brain and a heart!!
    We should give ’em a chance an see…

  92.  #92Femininewoman on April 29, 2014 at 11:34 am


    Congrats Azure 🙂

  93.  #93Azure Blu on April 29, 2014 at 11:40 am

    Mmmmm…. thank you for that!!

  94.  #94GlowStix on April 29, 2014 at 11:45 am

    Andrea!! Woot 🙂

    I LOVE your responses and your LACK of response even to the “physical…go from there”.Especially since you already said you were getting back to your homework.

    He dipped his toe in the water to test it out. I probably wouldn’t respond to that msg either, and wait to see what he comes back to me with, go from there.

    Excellent. Seems to me you’ve got this practice stuff down 🙂
    It really is FUN when you approach it and look at it in that way. I mean, hey, if he only wants something physical, and you don’t want that…No skin off your bum.

    And…Ahhhh, what can I say about the process of loving yourself 🙂 There are SO many many ways to do it. We ALL are worthy of love. Regarless of physical appearance.
    I find it so beneficial to love myself with all of my “flaws” included and NOT “in spite of” those “flaws”.
    It’s also almost like giving others permission to love those “flaws” as well.

    Example…Things I used to just hate about myself, and judge so harshly (my weight – specifically my belly and my smile) are now adored by me and others. I get compliments on my cute smile….And i’m pretty sure my man is kind of obsessed with my belly lol He just loves to grab it and bite it and kiss it and tickle it and he holds it while we sleep. Silly, but a huge thing to me. It might have mortified me in the past if a man wanted to grab my belly and bite it.
    Thus blocking me from receiving his appreciation for it.

  95.  #95GlowStix on April 29, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    Saida 64

    It’s kind of cool that you say that after referencing me because that is exactly what I did this morning! Except that my post about it went into moderation because I posted under a new name.
    It actually took me until now to realize you wouldn’t have even read that post. Spooky!

  96.  #96GlowStix on April 29, 2014 at 12:08 pm

    “master minding”. Now I have a name for it 😀

  97.  #97Azure Blu on April 29, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    Sweet G.. 83,
    I can feel your frustration…
    You have tried leaning back…
    and the minute you come forward it feels like they ignore you again…

    This is just my experience,,,
    I did experience some of this as I began my friendships with my girl friends.

    My lesson was:
    I needed to be more vulnerable and say when I felt I was being ignored,,,, which was WAY beyond my comfort zone… 😐

    I LOVE to smile and act as if everything is perfectly wonderful (closed off to intimacy)…

    When I expressed my unhappiness at being ignored (i’m pretty sure I didn’t use fm)
    these women realized how much their friendship meant to Me…
    and SOME of the friendships took a turn for more closeness and intimacy!!
    This was a BIG change for ME…
    another opportunity to take my “dog and pony show” (trusting ME to take up for MYSELF cause no one else can) into everyday life and create that closeness I SOOO CRAVE.
    from Powerlessness to POWER…
    darling Azure I do cherish and LOVE you!!

  98.  #98Veronica on April 29, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    Azure Blu – 76 – Woohoo! Isn’t it magic when inspiration happens in a class? And now you have this amazing memory in your back pocket for a rainy day. I’m encouraged by your experience. Passion and love for what you’re teaching/presenting is an amazing gift for students too. Awesome! Xo

  99.  #99Veronica on April 29, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    Andrea – 79 – I keep thinking of what is it I would need if a hot man asked me if I wanted something physical. My reply kind of brings me to tears ‘I just want to be touched’. My hair looks better when fingers have been run through it, brushing it with a comb just makes it look dead. Touch is so important to me. I’m feeling sensitive now. I think just saying it with all that beautiful need and sensitivity would be enough to me, to say that to the hotness man who wants to give me something physical. That’s what I’d want to do with Tinder, if I decided to do it. Be like that. which is scary.

  100.  #100Veronica on April 29, 2014 at 12:52 pm

    Azure Blu – 83 – I’ve been quite up and down emotionally today. It feels so good to read your message to me, (((((thank you))))), it’s like sunshine for me. The more I trust myself, the more stuff pitches up to heal/love on.

    Yes, nothing is wasted – isn’t that just beautiful? Doesn’t it just take the wind out of the anxiety? It does for me : ) And I can feel this power in trusting me more and more – like I can shape my day, my options, my creativity, I can also sense myself wanting to be more expansive, almost a challenge.

  101.  #101Veronica on April 29, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    Glowstix -91- Oh yes, that is beautiful – even the parts we don’t like we have to offer/open up to love. Lovely
    : ) All of our selves into love.

  102.  #102sweet goddess on April 29, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    Azure Blu

    thank you for relating with me. You make me feel not alone in this :))
    I will try what you suggest…You are right about me articulating to them that I value their presence and I like it close and personal and often in touch.. That I feel ignored…..sometimes…

    Thank you for sending me your energy. Love to you !! xo

  103.  #103Azure Blu on April 29, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    Veronica 94
    Mmmmm…. this is sooo sensual and sexy
    Love, love it!!

    “My hair looks better when fingers have been run through it, brushing it with a comb just makes it look dead. ”

    this takes my breath!!

    “Touch is so important to me. I’m feeling sensitive now. I think just saying it with all that beautiful need and sensitivity would be enough to me, to say that to the hotness man who wants to give me something physical.”
    Wow!! THIS is sooo HOT!!
    Veroncia Girl!!

    Makin me SMILE!! :->

  104.  #104Azure Blu on April 29, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    Sweet G. 97
    love to yu
    you are welcome…

  105.  #105Azure Blu on April 29, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    Veronica 93
    I feel so good reading your congrats to me

    I didn’t think about the interactions with the students as “magic”!! You are soooo right..
    They had such energy, it was wonderful to share that together.
    A very important component to realize…
    Cause I do have a larger event in June to present to.
    I want to keep doing this.. :->

  106.  #106Saida on April 29, 2014 at 1:38 pm

    Azure Blu 79 – thanks that is helpful as are other comments here. I just went out to lunch with someone who I wasn’t excited about going out with, but it turned out better than I thought. I will probably see him again, then will need some advice about dating two men at the same time.

    Glow Stix 90 – those co-incident things are happening to me all week – really big time, meeting someone I know that was important to talk to, on a random subway car seat and there was another one and now this…

  107.  #107Saida on April 29, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    Can someone take a minute to explain how Rori’s Blogs work. Are there numerous blogs, or just one, and is everyone here in the Love Forever program (not sure of that title?) It’s fun to share with all of you who are just as excited about Rori’s work as I feel I am.

  108.  #108GlowStix on April 29, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    I feel big and happy and light and free and I am having a great day although nothing exciting is acually happening lol I’m just enjoying and taking advantage of such breezy feelings. The sun is shining and birds are singing and the world is all a bustle 🙂
    I feel shiny and radiant and gorgeous.
    Simmering in the sweet juices of life and it’s evolution.
    I feel like a spring. Like…Boi-oi-oi-oing. Lol ha
    Like I can bend so far and just bounce back so fast and all it “does” is get me vibrating.

  109.  #109Azure Blu on April 29, 2014 at 1:50 pm

    Kyla 47…
    Ohhh I am feeling your energy and power…
    Your excitement is wonderful…

    I read this quote the other day…
    When you don’t know how to fly
    The best thing to do
    Is throw yourself off the branch and
    learn on the way down!!!

  110.  #110GlowStix on April 29, 2014 at 1:56 pm


    As far as I know this is the only blog. Or at least the main one being used. I think there are a couple other websites maybe? one of them…
    I’m not in any programs personally.

    I love sharing too 🙂 Keeps me present. Some great friendships have devoloped…friends who know my darkest corners. Finding this place and people has enriched my life.

  111.  #111Azure Blu on April 29, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    I’m pretty sure I can see your bright, shiny sparks all the way here in Michigan…

  112.  #112GlowStix on April 29, 2014 at 2:08 pm


  113.  #113Kyla on April 29, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    Azure Blu thank you for that!! xxxooo

  114.  #114Helena Hart on April 29, 2014 at 2:26 pm

    Veronica – 53 – You’re very welcome!! I’m so glad it was helpful. If you’re interested in reading the full article from Randy Bennett about the five basic needs that Femininewoman posted, you can read it here:

    Love, Helena

  115.  #115Kyla on April 29, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    Ahhh ok only wrote 500 words today and Ninja is on his way over to help me clear out my garage but I have had an Amazing Day!

    There were all these problems popping up in work, mostly things I’d dropped the ball on and usually blow up in my face but I just kept myself in a peaceful, loving place and calmly addressed them one by one apologizing my for delay or oversight. Well I was happily shocked by the wonderful responses I received from everyone. Clients insisting that it was their oversight and apologizing and thanking me, one man went out of his way to email all parties involved individually taking all the blame, saying I had caught the problem and asking for their assistance. It was solved in 30 mins. I called him and he kept insisting that I had no need to apologize, and thanking me profusely. I told my colleagues and they were even more shocked as this man has a reputation for finger pointing and crap stirring and they hate dealing with him. There are so many many surprising problems that miraculously were solved today. I feel awed by the world. I’m sorry for my doubts, I love you!

  116.  #116Linda on April 29, 2014 at 5:25 pm

    I feel out of sorts tonight. I wanted to be outside, planting flowers and working on my projects outside. THe flowers are in the back of my SUV…. It has rained and rained. sigh

    I feel all antsy and churned up. grrr

  117.  #117Liquid Light on April 29, 2014 at 8:02 pm

    I had an almost 4 hr. interview today with 5 different people! Exhausted and my head hurts but I think it went well and I think I might get offered the job.

    Tex texted me on the way and made me laugh. I was feeling so anxious about it so it helped.

  118.  #118Liquid Light on April 29, 2014 at 8:11 pm

    Andrea, I just wanted to say that I think it is so cool that you jumped in there and tried Tinder. You rock, girl, and have such a sense of adventure! I LOVE it!!! 🙂

  119.  #119Tereana on April 29, 2014 at 9:05 pm

    Coooooool. I just had a nice little CD date/catch-up session with an old high school buddy. I’ll call him a “buddy,” because even though we hung out sometimes, it was always with other people. And as we sat and talked over dinner, I discovered that he is a really interesting person and there is a lot I never knew about him! How cool!

    And I know we’re not supposed to be on dates for more than an hour, but it was like three hours, and then we sat in the car and talked some more. He just kept telling me stories. It was great : )

    Nothing really sexy, but there were a few moments of innuendo, I guess ; ) Haha.

    Anyway, I didn’t expect him to pay for me at all, but he totally picked up the tab. AND I was impressed that he got dressed up with a nice shirt and looked both cool and nerdy with some dark framed glasses. Cute. He looks way better than in high school ; ) lol.

    But whatever. He’s the guy next door, somewhat literally. Just cool to run into a friendly face. We have a few things in common. And he’s a nice guy. It was a good time. Took my mind off a lot of things.

    I’m happy about being more open about my life and how I feel and what’s true for me. That feels like it gives me a lot more freedom and acceptance, because I let people see who I really am – the good and the bad. And they still like me. I still like me. And that’s what’s so great.

    More later, but I have to go to sleep. Good night 🙂

  120.  #120Emerson on April 29, 2014 at 9:43 pm

    114 tereana I enjoyed reading this! I can just picture your date in his glasses! As sounds fun and safe and positive.
    I haven’t had that in so long.
    I’m so focused on work.
    Maybe I should try tinder!
    I feel nervous about it.

  121.  #121Indigo on April 29, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    Azure Blu 92,

    Thank you for this. There’s a lesson in this for me about expressing my needs and feelings with vulnerability and without judgment, and then going and taking care of ME. I can see how this is the right approach.

    I’m not there yet, but I want to be. Once I’ve expressed my feelings, instead of sinking further into them as far as I can go (maybe it’s too painful, maybe I feel too triggered in the moment, I don’t know) I tend to stay with that and want to keep my focus on the other person and keep on at them. It’s all really extremely painful for me, but I’ll see if I can baby step my way to this approach rather.

    I loved your description of how you love and hug and kiss your feelings that come from childhood and are begging to be acknowledged. I realized yesterday while out walking that I carry this feeling of “lack” and “deprivation” from childhood. I have been getting very triggered in this way when it comes to emotional stuff, the feeling of not having enough…

    I have been trying to embrace this feeling, concentrating my energy on healing and loving it. I want to turn it into a feeling of abundance (I have this feeling of abundance when it comes to food/weight and finance, and don’t struggle with either of these things)… ie. that there is more than enough love and contact for me.

    A bit hard/sad and triggering at the moment.

  122.  #122Emerson on April 29, 2014 at 9:56 pm

    61 Mercedes it does feel a bit like pursuing…
    I don’t feel comfy.
    I think I’ve lost cutecityCD completely. I don’t hear from him at all.
    I feel it’s ok it was a learning experience.
    ExoticCD treats me like a booty call if we have any correspondence he asks me to come over. Usually at night. It’s weird. It’s annoying. I am losing patience with it just being polite because we live very nearby. I always say no, but it’s just odd.
    I feel apprehensive about trying eharmony but I need to get these “stale” CDs off my mental radar!!!!

    I have been missing my sisters but they live far and they are always so busy.
    I am willing to make time but they are not and it hurts me sometimes.
    I feel so thankful for my parents.our relationship is much better these days.

  123.  #123GlowStix on April 29, 2014 at 9:58 pm

    Sometimes something feels so real that you think it can not possibly really be real…How can anything be THAT real. So real that every other real thing in the world disappears and it overwhelms my whole existence.

    Sometimes love feels out of body…Like mist and air. A place where there is no separation, no boundary of the physical form. And sometimes I feel so IN my body. So rooted and grounded but then there is someone else in there with me…Feeling me and loving it.

  124.  #124GlowStix on April 29, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    One time I felt so good that just one single tear carved a river through my whole life. I will never firget that moment.

    Ahhh feeling poetic. Yes!

  125.  #125Emerson on April 29, 2014 at 10:13 pm

    I feel I need to change some things in my life after work…I need to start doing new things and meeting new people!

  126.  #126Millie on April 29, 2014 at 11:16 pm

    Feminine woman 69–I love this! Such a playful way to communicate what we are looking for! I’m seeing now how I’ve missed a lot of opportunities to communicate what I want, that conversation doesn’t necessarily have to be serious! Thanks for this! I subscribe to his emails also but maybe I missed the last few.

  127.  #127Millie on April 29, 2014 at 11:22 pm

    Andrea, I love your response to tattooed hottie. It felt very easy breezy but deep at the same time. You DO deserve a hot sexy man!!!! I’m excited for you!!!! It’s interesting to read that you find so many amazing qualities, but “hot” hasn’t been one of them. “Hot” definitely correlates to the male eye and how sexiness and physical attractiveness is portrayed in the media. I think out idea of “hot” is taught. Anyway, according to society’s definition, I am a hot girl. Men and women compliment me all the time. Because I feel so validated physically, my insecurity lies in other areas. Which I am working on developing yay ! It’s interesting to hear that up to now you haven’t felt deserving of a hot man. Enjoy it girl you deserve a hot man delivering himself on a silver platter ready to please you! 😉

  128.  #128RileyTheOwl on April 29, 2014 at 11:49 pm

    I haven’t had time to comment at all today as I’m studying for exams (Ooohhh boy) but I’ve been reading, and I want to say that I feel really full of love for all of you today : ) I’m feeling sensitive and passionate right now, reading all these comments from all these wonderful women is making me so content. ((hugs))

  129.  #129sweet goddess on April 30, 2014 at 12:57 am

    Morning Sirens!

    I also have A LOT to do today- finish my project commitments and I will just do it. I feel inspired, I feel ready and I feel powerful and willing to swim the last lap. Yay me!!

    Love xo

  130.  #130Tereana on April 30, 2014 at 4:55 am

    I don’t know if I would actually use tinder. I kind of like it in concept, now that I know more about how it works: it’s like a quick, voyeuristic way to see who’s near by at a time that’s good for you and maybe meet up? Hey, wait. I think I know another technology that does that. It’s called eyeballs! Lol

    Jk. I mean, I think using out senses is best. But this would allow us to “see” someone before we see them. Huh. Everything changes…

    Anyway, I can see how this is a fun idea, but also how it has a massive potential for just overall cheapening the idea of meeting someone at all – by making it fast, efficient, on-demand, and with a plethora of choices – that it could (and probably does) lead to lots of meaningless hookups.

    Like Linda’s tatted hottie, for example. No judgments. He could be a totally great guy! But I think his proposal says it all: are you up for “something physical” and go from there? Like basically, “I don’t know you at all, I’ve never seen you in person, but let’s have sex and see what happens.”

    See that does not work for me, and accepting that approach would not increase my “degree of difficulty.” To me. I mean, Linda, you can do whatever you want. But into experience, a man who leads with sex – even if he does want “more,” is not going to pursue “more,” because he’s already got one thing that he wanted. So he gets bored. On to the next. And there are so many available…

    And what is up with this “I’m not hot” business??? How can you even say that. I bet guys are checking you out all the time and thinking about how hot you are. And just even mentally thinking about that is totally shooting them down. You ARE hot. You know why? Because you are a woman. Simple as that. Hottie McHotpants. You are Mrs. Hotstuff. You got it. And if this tattooed hottie isn’t proof enough, I don’t know what is!!

    You know what? Go for it. Hook up with him. Do a crazy one-night stand. If it would make you feel hot to sleep with him, then heck yeah. Just as long as you don’t expect him to “follow through” afterward, you’ll be totally fine. And onto the next hottie ; ) you vixen, you… ;).


  131.  #131Tereana on April 30, 2014 at 4:59 am

    Oh wait. Maybe I got my sirens mixed up. Andrea had the tattooed hottie? And who said they “weren’t hot”? I forget. On well. Everything I said goes, anyway. For whomever it applies to ; )

  132.  #132Tereana on April 30, 2014 at 5:08 am

    Indigo, 116 – huh. That’s interesting. I also experience the feeling of “lack” and not enough, and I feel that both emotionally and financially. I feel that’s going to turn around, though. It might not be visible now, but my awareness is shifting and I’m thinking about putting myself in a “bigger fishbowl.” I.e. When you live in a small mental space, like a little fish bowl, you can only grow so much before you hit the walls. But if you give yourself a bigger space, not only CAN. You grow bigger, but you WILL grow, just by default.

    So that’s where I am right now. I’ve been living in a tiny, tiny financial fishbowl my entire life. Every time I try to jump out it the fishbowl, I jump back in, because theres no water out there. But, if I give myself a big old expansive pond/lake to swim in, then everything can change. My fishbowl is expandable 🙂

  133.  #133Veronica on April 30, 2014 at 5:23 am

    Azure Blu – 102 – Yay, this opportunity just opens up for you more and you want to keep doing this. I believe it’s your passion and love for what you’re talking about that they’re drawn to. Good luck for June. xo

  134.  #134Veronica on April 30, 2014 at 5:23 am

    Helena – 111 – Thank you, that article was helpful. It helps me feel positive now that I have good info to practice being a siren with.

    Thank you FW for posting the five basic needs.

  135.  #135Veronica on April 30, 2014 at 5:24 am

    Kyla – 112 – Wow!

  136.  #136Azure Blu on April 30, 2014 at 5:42 am

    Veronica 128
    thank you!!!

  137.  #137Azure Blu on April 30, 2014 at 5:44 am

    Kyla 110
    Soooo goood to read about your magical day…. :-}

  138.  #138Blessed Goddess on April 30, 2014 at 5:50 am

    Good morning fellow goddesses. I decided to change my name from Saida to Blessed Goddess – that feels like it is in alignment of more that I want in my life.

    A sharing…when someone sort of rote asks how am I – if I remember, and if I feel brave or in sync with these I answer with one of these phrases which often takes me deeper…”I’m a magnet for miracles”; “I’m blessed and highly favored”; “I’m a magnificent living example of all that is” – any of those usually gets their attention and mine goes deeper.

    Help…I’m obsessing over the relationship or illusory relationship I am in. While he didn’t want me to leave – when I asked him when should I leave – he said never, he has only texted me/emailed me a couple of short texts each day since Sunday, no calls. Any suggestions? I’m feeling like asking him to call or me calling him, but probably not a good idea. I feel like I may be making some mistakes along those lines – over doing. Any words of wisdom?

  139.  #139Azure Blu on April 30, 2014 at 5:52 am

    Tereana 127,
    I can relate to your feelings around finances…
    I struggle with my feelings of “lack” and “deprivation” on this…

    I have been trying to meditate on these feelings
    and have begun listening to these videos…

    They brought up soooo much icky stuff…
    After listening to the first video my body was literally tingling for days…
    Quite powerful AND FRIGHTENING!!
    I LOVE YOU Azure…
    YOU can trust ME
    I will take care of YOU financially…
    I am proving it to YOU every day…

  140.  #140Azure Blu on April 30, 2014 at 6:47 am

    Liquid L
    I am sending positive vibrations to you….
    Hope you get the job

  141.  #141Mercedes on April 30, 2014 at 6:50 am

    Tereana: I love absolutely everything about your comment 125…no matter who it is for… 🙂

    Much Love,

  142.  #142Femininewoman on April 30, 2014 at 7:01 am

    Emerson remember it takes two to tango. If you stop interacting with him he will drop the drama. What I have found is when I totally drop such guys they eventually come back much later having upgraded themselves.

  143.  #143GlowStix on April 30, 2014 at 7:05 am

    Tereana 125

    I won’t argue with what works for you or doesn’t. I will say that my relationship started as only physical and went from there. However…That’s what I wanted. He was cool with that. He didn’t request for it to be that way. So maybe that makes a big difference.
    Just throwing it out there that it did not diminish my importance to him in any way, or his respect for me.
    However (lol so many many howevers) I had good reasons at the time for not wanting to commit to anyone right away.

    It turned out that he has moved the relationship forward every step of the way, all on his own. So I do believe many different approaches can yield a great connection and relationship. And to this day we still have abundant and great sex…I can’t know for sure if that has anything to do with the raw sexual nature of our incubation period. I’m sure it didn’t hurt!

  144.  #144GlowStix on April 30, 2014 at 7:08 am

    I’d say the sex is getting better and better too because i’m practicing ways of deepening intimacy during. Holding the eye contact he makes (the scariest one), speaking my needs and feelings, letting him in and really receiving him and letting him lavish me with affection.

  145.  #145Femininewoman on April 30, 2014 at 7:11 am

    Tereana your post reminded me of a movie I watched on a flight recently. I believe it was called Baggage Reclaim. A flight attendant travelling all over meeting back up with exes when after she made up her mind that she wanted to settle down. Even with the richest and famous. She ended up with the guy next door who had been her best friend for years and was always there for her no matter what. I enjoyed the movie and how it ended romantically with him proposing to her in the airport.

  146.  #146Andrea on April 30, 2014 at 7:47 am

    LOlOLOL… Tereana 125… Love it Love it Love it…
    I feel all laughter and playful and flirtatious around your post.
    I love the: “You are hot because you are a woman!”

    Yes!!! I forget that sometimes. Great reminder.

    As for Tinder and my Tattooed Hottie.. (no judgements here either) But no, just because he “thinks” he wants to lead with sex… does not mean that I “feel” like following.

    I’m not on that ride. Not only do I want intimacy and intelligence and care from a man, I feel that and I exude that. So, I didn’t respond to his “physical first” question. (it was a text)
    And I feel asleep last night.

    This morning I woke and he had texted me about three times. “Hi how are you?” “I’m so curious about you?” “What things are you passionate about? What are you doing there in (your city)?”

    So around nine this morning I texted him back: Oh I feel such regret that I missed connecting with you last night. I was so comfy and relaxed in my cool crisp sheets, wearing my plush cotton t-shirt, I just fell asleep.

    He texted back: Oh man, that’s awesome.

    We had a sort of conversation over texting, but again, he brought up casual sex and wanted more pics from me.

    I simply texted: I feel awkward now and uncomfortable. I feel like getting on with my day now.

    Then he said: Huh? Oh.. okay.. have a good day.

    Then later: Can I contact you again later?

    I still haven’t responded.

    For me with Tinder, I’m in a small northern town, so it’s kind of neat.. my homepage is a picture of me with waves of circles radiating out, pulsing and sending out a signal. It makes me feel expansive. Like… here I am, and I’m radiating this vibration of smiles and availability. Cause I am. I’m available. And the app seeks out men who are in my area. Unfortunately, there are none. : ) All of my “matches” are over 60 miles or more away. So the app comes up with a pile of matches and I get to scroll through and see if I’m interested. If I am I press the heart button. Then that person looks at my home page to see if he’s interested. If he is, he sends me a message.

    But, for me, it can’t be a quick hook up. Everyone is far away. At least an hour drive. So, I really like it. If they want me, they really have to put some effort into it.

    As for Tattooed Hottie, I’m not trying to figure him out. I’m just accepting his conversation when I want to, and not accepting it when I don’t want to.

    I feel grounded and pretty happy with my own letting triggers come up and then diving into them. Because of this small experience I have realized that I’ve been selling myself short and settling for less than I want because of my lack of confidence in my physical attractiveness. (all deep down hidden insecurities… really I wasn’t that aware that I had them because I’m always surrounded by men who want to take me out… but it’s rare that I’ve been actually physically attracted to the men who I’m dating.)

    I feel ready to explore the full gamut, the whole package. I feel ready to put myself out there in the dating pool of… Who do I like?

    That’s what I like about Tinder. I get to choose who I want to approach me. Then they get to choose if they want to contact me. But I’m not getting contacted by men I haven’t first added to my “wish list”. It’s kind of superficial but it’s something I need right now. I’ve never allowed myself to be superficial because I’ve been scared of someone being superficial toward me… and then rejecting me because of it.

    Well, I need to explore this for a little while. Why can’t I date an attractive man for once????

  147.  #147GlowStix on April 30, 2014 at 7:55 am

    Andrea, before I read the rest of your post (I feel excited by what you write)…I just want to shout “go girl!”. Such a fine example of the dance. And he’s leading, and you’re showing him where you won’t follow. I’m diggin you so much right now!

  148.  #148Azure Blu on April 30, 2014 at 7:57 am

    reading your post
    I feel expansive, energy… WOW
    Expanding Your boundaries to MORE of what You CAN have!!!
    Getting our of your cage…
    I’m inspired

  149.  #149Andrea on April 30, 2014 at 7:59 am

    Millie # 122… Oh I just read your post. Thank you so much, yes I feel really like you get me.

    Exactly. I’m very secure in so many areas, but my insecurities are definitely tied to the “male gaze” (a media term that depicts how much of what we view in medea is designed around what a man appreciates visually)

    I’m feeling so ready to target my triggers in this area and allow a real man to gaze at me.. ALL of me and allow myself to see love, tenderness, horniness, and everything else in his eyes when he’s seeing my heart, soul, mind, eyes, smile, and body.

    And I want to see the same when I look at him. I want the full .. ALL… the Big One. And I’m done with settling for what I think I can get. I want to adore him and be adored by him.

    Is that possible????

  150.  #150GlowStix on April 30, 2014 at 8:00 am

    Andrea-The rest of your post…Your path looks lovely. I feel envious of it almost. Like, if I could go back and change how I did it…
    🙂 But actually I am not the me I was back then and I love her too. She did it her way. I do it my way, and I love where I am now.

  151.  #151Azure Blu on April 30, 2014 at 8:03 am

    Thank you for this…
    “… and he’s leading and YOUR showing him where YOU won’t follow…”
    I’ve been doing this with 4 cds…
    I was feeling NOT so powerful (cause 2 of them aren’t liking it much)…
    BUT this puts it back into perspective…
    Still practicing…

  152.  #152GlowStix on April 30, 2014 at 8:12 am

    Andrea- How it looks to me is…You are open and authentic. Also vulnerable. It’s all practice, right? And in that practice the men who are able to dance that dance with you will stick with you, and those who aren’t, won’t. When we end up with any one man we hope that he is ready, more than willing, and capable of going long term and being solid. Your approach is the best way.
    Is that “flypaper”? Rori tools are just a jumble of practices in my head at this point.

    I’m so certain that I lucked out and a ready, willing, capable and solid man dropped in my lap…lol 🙂 I started my path after I met him.

  153.  #153Kyla on April 30, 2014 at 8:16 am

    Does anyone remember BearCD that I had an awesome first date with and then it started to feel off and went down hill quickly with me declining to meet him again and him sending obsessive, incessent texts day and night for the next 30 days? Well he’s still texting, calling every now and then and I discovered he’s also been stalking me on facebook (shudder). My page is private but he could see all my profile pictures, most of which were with my ex. His texts are getting worse now, he says he has borderline personality disorder, he says the most obscene and offensive things and then tells me he loves me and he’ll never do better, he’s suicidal, I’m a cold btch and some pretty violent/sexually aggresive things about ‘what I need’. He’s slept with 200+ beauty queens (woopdy-do!), my ex is ugly, I have crooked teeth, he can do so much better blah blah blah. Oh but he loves me, will never find better, has a girlfriend now and thinks of me when he’s with her.. I stopped responding to him in January! Last month when I had my melt down I sent one text I would have to block him if he continued to contact me. That worked up until last weekend when he started again. I feel sick everytime I see his number. I rarely read anything he sends as when I do it makes me feel mean spirited, like I want to attack his crazy ass, cut him down to size and put him in his place and humiliate him.

    Ahh I feel soooo judgemental and I am working constantly on shifting it and healing it but its such a major challange. He seems to represent all the violent, abusive love I grew up with, sought out and thought was normal, married.. I hoped this was all healed and in the past.

    I do feel proud that I noticed the off vibe from day 2 though and can trust my internal guidance system. Maybe that’s part of his message. Trust my instincts, they are right 🙂

  154.  #154Kyla on April 30, 2014 at 8:20 am

    I love the part of me that wants to bully and attack back. The part that feels stronger, superior, judgemental and cruel. I love the part that feels I could squish another human like a bug. I love you and thank you.

  155.  #155Azure Blu on April 30, 2014 at 8:25 am

    I feel scared reading how agressive BearCD is…
    Anger seems like a healthy reaction to this sort of abuse…
    Does Ninja know about some of this?
    Did you feel you were going to block his calls?

  156.  #156Kyla on April 30, 2014 at 8:51 am

    Thanks Azure Blu. My phone is on the company plan so blocking him would require talking to my boss about it and I would so rather not do that. He doesn’t know where I live or work so I don’t feel afraid. No, I haven’t told Ninja either, it only started again a few days ago. I feel so bored and tired of the drama of it all and wish he’d go away and let me live instead of constantly creeping me out. I had to cut my mom off for 4 years and we are really close now. I had to get a restraining order and domestic violence conviction against my ex husband and move continent a few years ago and even we’re able to co-parent and communicate now.

  157.  #157Azure Blu on April 30, 2014 at 9:12 am

    Kyla 150
    I see your issue with the company phone…
    And why share chaos and unpleasantness with Ninja if BearCD might go away on his own.
    Such bitterness and rage he has and vomiting alllll over YOU!!!

    Always feels comforting to realize relationships can resolve as your ex hus and mom did…

  158.  #158Veronica on April 30, 2014 at 9:47 am


    I’m changing my CD’s name to OwlCD, I didn’t know that we used the same name for our CDs. That man sounds so scary. I’m so glad with all the trouble you’ve had that you’re in such a good place.

  159.  #159Cupcake on April 30, 2014 at 10:10 am


    You know you can block him from being able to see you on Facebook, and you can set your profile pictures to private too?

    Maybe you already did that.

    For the text messaging….I once pretyped a text message that said, ***AUTOMATIC MESSAGE 7691***At the customer’s request, wireless device you are messaging no longer accepts SMS messaging.

    Then, whenever I received a text from an unwanted person, I shot that back instantly so it looked like an automatic message.

    It worked.

  160.  #160Femininewoman on April 30, 2014 at 10:17 am

    Cupcake !!! Genius!!!

  161.  #161Mandy on April 30, 2014 at 10:30 am

    I’d like to share a small success…

    J and I spoke about him going to behavioral health services for his addiction and inner demons, if you will.

    Yesterday was the first glimpse of hope…there’s a program building three mins walking distance from our apartment that provides counseling, classes to have something to get your min off substances and learn about interpersonal dealings and about your feelings and thoughts, they help with bills, groceries and even bus passes, all of which we need. J will go to a class on Friday.

    MOST importantly…I see J wants to kick the sauce for me, his mom and dad and brother, I see him wanting it, we’re tapering him off by doctor’s orders, and I feel even more proud of him…I don’t know if I could do what he’s doing if I were addicted to alcohol. He’s cut back a third already and I can CLEARLY see it is out of love for me, his family and friends, and also himself.

    Sex is definitely on the backburner here, so I’m pulling out some Rori tools to keep myself healthy, like stroking my own skin in front of a mirror, which we learned in Modern Siren training.

    Only thing is my parents won’t be convinced for awhile and I need their support in my relationship because that’s how close we are and that’s how we work. Logically, I think if he shows enough effort and change, they will be on board with him again…I hope.

    And thank you Rori, Dominique, Leigha, for your brilliant coaching, I don’t know what I’d do without it…

    Thank you Sirens for hearing me even if no response…I need you right now and I feel love for the blog group.

    I wish we could all meet in person and have a Siren convention…I seriously do not think that’s a bad idea 😉 A Siren retreat!

    Again thanks for listening 🙂 Love you gals!

  162.  #162Mandy on April 30, 2014 at 10:39 am


    I feel very scared about this man who has stalked you…my personal advice would be to cut him off completely, because people like him feed off ANY contact he may have with you.

    Do not take his calls, do not speak with him, do not meet him anywhere, make him think you dropped off the face of the earth…this is the most effective way to deal, I know because I’ve had two or three situations where I was being either harassed or stalked without any regard to what I was telling them (i.e., “I don’t want to see you”, etc.).
    It worked, after I saved their number into my cell phone saying “do not answer”, ignored any texts or messages. If he may attend a similar place like a gym as you in public, use the buddy system.

    That’s just my own personal solution, but he REALLY feels scary to me. I could be overreacting but I don’t like the sound of it!

    Be careful and love to you Kyla…..

  163.  #163Liquid Light on April 30, 2014 at 10:48 am

    Cupcake 153 that is so BRILLIANT, girl, love it!!!!

  164.  #164Mandy on April 30, 2014 at 10:50 am

    Kyla – PS –

    You mentioned the sex chatroom work. My man J worked at an adult bookstore, and it’s part of the reason he is averted to sex…burnout and disgust from what he saw in there, people and porn included, he just felt his mind was intruded on by all this sex stuff and I don’t blame him; I definitely don’t blame you for feeling wierd either…J and I are still working on him being weirded out by it a year later, and we are having couples counseling for it, I mean, the poor guy feels like ANY thoughts of sex are just wrong and immoral…not healthy in a relationship 😛

    SO yes I believe your work can affect you psychologically and can run into your love/sex life. I understand your icky feelings! I didn’t understand J’s deal for the longest time, but being exposed to something like that over time can confuse you!

    Maybe switch careers if possible, or look for a position in the company that doesn’t deal so directly with sex, sex, sex? Maybe not an easy move, but worth considering?

    Love to you 🙂

  165.  #165Kyla on April 30, 2014 at 10:50 am

    Mandy I have absolutely no contact with him. I told him not to contact me again back in Jan and then sent one text that I was blocking his number last month. In that time I’ve received approx 5000 texts and a bunch of voice messages that I just delete.

    Cupcake I LOVE YOU thank you so so much I am going to do that now and will send it next time! So clever xxxooo

  166.  #166Mandy on April 30, 2014 at 10:51 am

    Good, I’m glad to hear that Kyla, you seem to be handling it alright. 🙂

  167.  #167Azure Blu on April 30, 2014 at 10:51 am


  168.  #168Liquid Light on April 30, 2014 at 10:53 am

    Azure 134 Thank you!

    I’m really having second thoughts about the job now. I’d be working with 3 guys who are all younger than me, no women. One of whom seems like a real smart aleck. Yuck. The others seem nice but I would feel like the odd (wo)man out. I really like the manager. I think he would be great to work for, and that makes a big difference. So anyway, I keep vacillating…not sure what to do if I’m offered it…

  169.  #169Azure Blu on April 30, 2014 at 10:54 am

    Thank you… Great message for those I don’t want to hear from again.. 🙂
    I will use it.

  170.  #170Kyla on April 30, 2014 at 10:56 am

    Thanks Mandy I don’t usually have any work in relation to the sex industry, I just have one claim in litigation currently that involves a chatroom/webcam business. I was feeling really icky after spending a few days trawling through transcripts, surveillance and research papers. The case is wrapping up now though thankfully. I can understand where your J is coming from (((Mandy)))

  171.  #171Liquid Light on April 30, 2014 at 11:03 am

    I’ve got two potential boy toys – both really good-looking guys. I’m contemplating having one of them as a boy toy. Neither one is relationship material so I wouldn’t have any expectations there. Its not really what I want but the physical connection would be nice. Haven’t had that in a while.

  172.  #172redbutterfly on April 30, 2014 at 11:51 am

    Hey sirens! If you had the opportunity to give a man advice on how to get a woman, what would you say? I have 2 friends that I am trying to set up and they have been texting back and forth but the guy is telling me that he doesn’t sense any interest from her even though he is very interested in her. I think a lot of times we think about these things from a woman’s prespective and I was thrown trying to give him advice. My girlfriend is telling him she is busy, even though she has asked me several times to keep a lookout for an guys I can set her up with. When I finally do, she pulls the “busy lately” card on the poor guy. I told him to ask her to dinner one last time and if she says no, ask her if there is any interest at all because otherwise he is going to move on. Any words of advice for the poor guy? It’s weird giving advice from the other side!!! I told him just to try to make her feel special and to chase her a little because that is what I would want but do all women?

  173.  #173Dominique on April 30, 2014 at 11:56 am

    Mandy – 155 – This is wonderful. I feel delighted for you.


  174.  #174Mandy on April 30, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    Thank you Dominique! It feels so happy to know this man may be a good guy underneath some toxicity instead of just toxic through and through and no changing. 🙂

  175.  #175GlowStix on April 30, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    Another gorgeous gorgeous day. Taking full advantage. Spent the whole day working outside. Now I have a home made iced coffee and meeting the man after he gets off work. He’ll treat us to dinner and some beers for home.

    (((kyla))) Been there. No fun. I was stalked by a man for a year and a half when I was 18. I hope the “auto msg” works out.

    (((mandy))) all my most successful vibes coming your way.

  176.  #176Mandy on April 30, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    Glowstix, thank you, was oddly enough just now in an important moment when I found your comment…

    I am truly in my feminine element here at my computer with sunshine rays on my skin from the window, my favorite feeling, listening to Enya’s Book Of Days song, and my heart is bursting wide open with feelings, and it makes my throat tighten and my eyes tear up.

    I guess I found a genuine moment here. It is especially hard for me because I’ve always felt angry at being inherently emotional or “crazy” like some men say women are. Sometimes I feel very annoyed if I try to say “I feel all melty”…I feel kind of ridiculous saying it but…this music makes something happen for sure. When I sing thing happens. In the shower…karaoke…anytime I get to…I truly am in my feminine element with music and always have been.

    I have been craving those feelings with music for so long and it’s harder for me to find it these days as opposed to when I was 12 and had just fallen in love with music and my emotional connection, and wasn’t on antidepressants.

    Bur, there it is though, right now….and wow it is powerful, like the sun itself shining through my chest…

  177.  #177GlowStix on April 30, 2014 at 3:02 pm

    Sounds wonderful mandy. It really is when you can catch those emotional and beautiful moments, even in times of stress or angst or sadness.

  178.  #178LoveAlways on April 30, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    Sirens! I am about to embark on a Siren Journey. The Ultimate Circular Date for myself. A Siren Adventure! Total indulgence, excitement and wonder! Ahhhhhh, feeling awesome!!!! Air, land & Sea. I’m like a Phoenix rising from the ashes . . . higher and higher, spreading my wings wider and wider – taking my existence to where I WANT TO BE, where I WANT TO GO, doing what I ENJOY!!! I’m so happy I am about to scream!!! My dream journey! OMG. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  179.  #179Dominique on April 30, 2014 at 4:51 pm

    LoveAlways – Sounds intriguing and amazing. Can’t wait to hear more. 🙂


  180.  #180GlowStix on April 30, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    Love always

    Sounds incredible 🙂 wooot

  181.  #181Shannon P. on April 30, 2014 at 6:13 pm

    Hi all. Just checking in. Feeling scattered and busy. I guess okay news. He didn’t get the nearly full custody he asked for. I feel terrified for my baby, but there’s nothing I can do. Sad times. But I’m okay. We’re in a really good place. I feeling extremely grateful to be here.

  182.  #182Luzydel on April 30, 2014 at 6:45 pm

    Tinder feels a little creepy to me; one things is meeting someone randomly when out and about, and other is taking a chance to be stalked. I don’t even like the “check In” feature on Facebook. I do not want a bunch of random strangers to know where I am located.

    I can cd, but when I am in one steady relationship, I just stop dating others. This is what feels good to me. I can go back to coding if things don’t work. Besides I can smile to a cute stranger etc.

  183.  #183Liquid Light on April 30, 2014 at 7:18 pm

    I agree with you Luzydel. I met someone a while ago when I lived in a small town. He lived in a town 3 hours away and we met randomly one evening in a bar when he was there for the day partying with his friends. Then he somehow found me on Facebook and messaged me there! I hadn’t told him my last name, just my first name (and I have a very generic first name). It was creepy!

  184.  #184Cupcake on April 30, 2014 at 7:59 pm

    Hi, Shannon – I was wondering how you are.

    Sending you good thoughts. Your energy feels so tired, yet positive and powerful.

    It will get better from here on out.


  185.  #185Liquid Light on April 30, 2014 at 8:02 pm

    Hey Shannon, great to see you back here. Hang in there, girl! Big hug!!!!!


  186.  #186Daria on April 30, 2014 at 8:08 pm

    hmm i feel terriied. i don’t know what tinder is…

    i feel scared of meeitng men athat arenot my type

    i feel excited to meet more of those on pof



  187.  #187Daria on April 30, 2014 at 8:08 pm

    meaning more men whot are not my type on POF

    men who are not my type always seem to get the ball rolling for me in having more men show up

  188.  #188Daria on April 30, 2014 at 8:10 pm

    awww disappionted

  189.  #189Daria on April 30, 2014 at 8:14 pm

    ok skimmed a couple lines of Andreas post and now i feel curious and inspired to try Tinder…..

  190.  #190Tereana on April 30, 2014 at 8:31 pm

    Azure Blu – thank you!

    Mercedes – 🙂

    And Andrea, (140) that’s awesome! I think it all sounds really great, and of course you can date a hot guy! Yes! 🙂

    The way I see it, tinder is just one more possible tool in the toolbox …

  191.  #191Tereana on April 30, 2014 at 8:34 pm


  192.  #192Liquid Light on April 30, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    OMG, I may have found an even hotter boy toy!!! He might just be perfect!!! LOL!!!

  193.  #193RileyTheOwl on April 30, 2014 at 9:39 pm

    ((((((((((Shannon)))))))))))!! I feel relieved to see you here again. I haven’t forgotten that you were one of the very first people to not only welcome me to the blog but also help me tremendously, I feel so grateful for the advice you gave me a in February that ended up keeping me from leaving my boyfriend, and our relationship has only gotten better since. Huge hugs to you and your baby, my heart goes out to you. xoxoxo

  194.  #194Shannon P. on May 1, 2014 at 4:44 am

    So to tell a little more of what’s going on with me. I’m being a jerk. I told him point blank that I don’t want to trade our weekends with K because I don’t want to be lied about or have my cooperation used against me again.

    I also took him off of my car and told him I wanted him off of my bank account. When he refused, I said, “Okay,” and walked in and closed it at the bank. Very inconvenient for him, because he’d had auto-deposit.

    So now he’s punishing me by refusing to give me my belongings from his house. But you know what? It’s just stuff.

    I told him point-blank that I don’t want to trust someone who openly lied in court. I’m a little amused by the fact that I’m Rori-ing all of this–what’s the point? LOL. But it has become habitual so that I rarely say “you” (although I did this morning).

    I just tell him that I don’t want to trust someone who lied in court. He knows he lied in court, I don’t need to say it.

    But I’m NOT being led by him anymore. I did NOT accept his refusal to take himself off of my account. I did NOT accept his demand to change the weekends. I don’t feel safe deviating from the court-ordered week order, so I’m not going to do it. Especially since his method would leave K at my house during “his” time… and I will NOT have that used against me.

    What feels super awful in all of this for me, though, is hearing my daughter say, “Can’t I stay with you?” And her answering, “Your daddy loves and misses you, you know that, right?” with “No.”

    I’m trying so hard to get full custody of her, because she has said she didn’t want to live (and tried to act on it). She carries insulin around on her body all the time and it could be used to kill herself… he ignores her. Throws her out of the house to leave him alone so he can computer game…

    I feel like I’m in a NY train station, with my daughter at my feet dying… screaming for someone, anyone, to call 911 and help us… but people just keep walking past, either openly staring or studiously not catching my eye… It feels so horribly helpless and frightening.

    But I am going back to Al-Anon. Reminding myself to take one day at a time. That this, too, shall pass. That I cannot control her diabetes beyond reasonable measures.

    Yet I am deeply, deeply afraid. His neglect could prove fatal. He hasn’t broken the law yet… and once he has, it could be far too late.

    I am hurting deeply… at the same time, I am feeling peace and joy because I do feel that K and I are in a GREAT place and that my financial future is very bright.

    It feels very strange to feel such directly conflicting things at the same time. I love K. I feel even more connected to her now than I did when I was with him.

    Yet every time she comes home from being with him, she’s defiant, she yells at people she loves (like the nurse at school), she is twitchy and anxious. By the time she has settled back down, she has to go back. And this morning shows that she gets it… she understands that there’s something wrong with all of this… she doesn’t want to go.

    But I am helpless to stop it. 🙁

    It’s heart-breaking. I don’t know how to help her. I have been crying a LOT. I feel happy often, too, though. Even when she’s not here. So that’s great.

    Anyway. Blahity blahity blah. I babbled long enough. :p

  195.  #195Shannon P. on May 1, 2014 at 4:54 am

    Thank you, LL, Tereana, Cupcake! *HUGS*

    Riley, so glad your relationship is improving! I’d been wondering how you were coming along.

    I’ve been reading avidly, and I am so happy to see so many of you doing well. I also feel sadness sometimes, seeing others triggered the way I constantly feel I am right now.

    But I feel so good seeing others struggle and then come through feeling good. If that made sense.

    Anyway. Hugs for all!

  196.  #196Goddess of Love on May 1, 2014 at 5:04 am

    Good morning ladies…I would like to change my name to Goddess of Love from Saida. If someone already has this name, please let me know.

    A sharing…I posted this yesterday I thought, but didn’t see it. When someone rotely asks how am I doing, if I’m feeling brave and remember I say one of these – “I’m a magnet for miracles” or “I’m blessed and highly favored” or “I’m a magnificent example of all that is” they often take notice, and sometimes I say and so are you. Brings us both deeper.

    I am really glad I’m becoming part of this blog.

  197.  #197Emerson on May 1, 2014 at 5:39 am

    FW thanks for your comment to me..i agree ….we shall see if any of them comes back with an upgrade! 🙂

  198.  #198Emerson on May 1, 2014 at 5:41 am

    I’m not sure i want to try tinder. I do better going to coffee or happy hour in a cute outfit and practicing the tools…
    Haven’t done that in a while…maybe will today after work…

  199.  #199Veronica on May 1, 2014 at 5:47 am

    OwlCD has kept in contact. I suppose the lesson here was I didn’t dedicate much energy or thought to his maybe poofing. That was good to practice. I notice a slight irritation on my part, to ‘get things over and done with, meet my man and get on with life’ which might be a good motivation to get out there. Yet I also like my gentle laid back self that *knows* love is on it’s way to her, and that she just wants to expand into life, not into searching for the love that’s coming *anyway*. This siren practice is becoming more subtle – I just smiled at a man (a brief smile) and his energy changed instantly – that felt good; good energy for both of us. And a friend kept checking when the correct time would be for *me* to check out the results of *my application* – I didn’t even ask. It’s as though I’m shifting my vibe to men who are open to the siren tools. The more subtle the tools become (or rather my practicing of them) the more authentic to me the communication, the fm’s and the thank you’s seem.

    Saying ‘I don’t want to…’ allows me to still be open and receptive, it still allows me to choose as opposed to shutting the person out with my non-siren behaviour – that’s feels twisty and punitive, and both of us are being punished, yet he can walk away and I have to do the work of opening up again. It’s still about him and what he did/didn’t do. I can still be a siren no matter what he says/does – this I’m just beginning to intuitively understand. It’s powerful because it’s me-focused.

  200.  #200Femininewoman on May 1, 2014 at 5:51 am

    Shannon I don’t think you are being a jerk. I would do the same exact thing. As a matter of fact I have done the same exact thing with a bank account issue.

    K might be young but youngers are very intuitive and connected to their feelings. I would, after all that has been learned here, try to calm myself close to her return from visiting with him. Try to find a really good feeling place so that she can “catch” those feelings when she returns.

    Also find a way or a tool to help her make the length of her visits “short” in her mind and looks forward to returning home. Also some kind of mantra to help her believe she can trust and take care of herself when she is not with you. Music can really sink into the unconscious so many singing and recording something on her phone that she could use at night might be an idea. She can use this even while with you. Shannon I encourage you to look for creative ways to help her. I understand your panic but that will only create panic in her too if she feels it.

  201.  #201Kyla on May 1, 2014 at 5:59 am

    ((((Shannon)))) I feel so happy to hear from you and thrilled to hear how strong and brave you are too! Brava lady for taking back all your tremendous power and saying NO! Things will get easier, they will normalize, the storm will calm. Sometimes we have to be fierce, you are not a jerk, you are standing your ground and protecting your own castle! Your truest self is so proud of you! So stay true to yourself and moving forward with your life.
    During my own divorce I repeated the serenity prayer like a mantra. I also walked away from all my possessions. Why fight to get back the old and give him that power when I was embarking on a fresh new chapter. Keep going beautiful and stay in touch. We love you!

  202.  #202Kyla on May 1, 2014 at 6:05 am

    I want to share a new tool I have been using. Singing love songs to myself! Sometimes singing them to me and sometimes just listening and imagining that my soul is singing them to me and just soaking up that love. My favorite song at the moment to use is A Thousand Years by Christina Perri. It makes my heart burst open and tears spill down my cheeks. Music is powerful and I make sure every song I listen to feels good to me. Happy Thursday!

  203.  #203Femininewoman on May 1, 2014 at 6:08 am

    Oooo Kyla that reminded me of Gay Hendricks story of how he walked away from material possessions with his ex to build a relationship with Katie and how he ended up creating more abundance than he had ever had.

  204.  #204Femininewoman on May 1, 2014 at 6:11 am

    RE 195 Yayyy Kyla. I have been using John Legend’s:-

    ‘Cause all of me
    Loves all of you
    Love your curves and all your edges
    All your perfect imperfections
    Give your all to me
    I’ll give my all to you
    You’re my end and my beginning
    Even when I lose I’m winning
    ‘Cause I give you all of me
    And you give me all of you, oh

  205.  #205Kyla on May 1, 2014 at 6:23 am

    Yay Femininewoman thats so awesome, me too! I love love love that song too!

    And thats awesome about Gay, thank you I feel inspired to let go of some more stuff clogging up my life. My whole world opened up once I let go of the past, literally just let go of it all! Job offers came out of nowhere and the impossible became reality! Woohoo yes I feel more excited about my spring cleaning now. Rori’s change everything tool has been on my mind lately and I feel sure that its time to create more space for more wonderful abundance to enter my life.

  206.  #206Veronica on May 1, 2014 at 6:36 am


    Does that include photographs? I can’t understand fully my attachment to them, some of them were good portraits of him (people seem to take terrible photos of him).

  207.  #207Kyla on May 1, 2014 at 6:59 am

    Veronica, I keep my photos, they are my memories.. but I dump any photo that feels bad and imagine deleting the bad memory with it. The ones that remind me of happy times I cherish even if it was with an ex or a former friend. That good memory belongs to me forever. I like FlyLady’s rule to keep only what you love and release what you don’t.

  208.  #208Femininewoman on May 1, 2014 at 7:06 am

    I have learned from Arielle Ford to let go of even photos to break the energetic ties. Definitely move them out of the bedroom. I recently saw an ex and slipped an engagement in his pocket. He was “surprised” when he found. He has been trying hard to reconnect but I have not yet felt it in my heart to. Even if I did choose to reconnect it would have to be a totally different relationship. Right now I am just experiencing him as needy.

  209.  #209Dominique on May 1, 2014 at 7:22 am

    Shannon P – Sending you much love.


  210.  #210Dominique on May 1, 2014 at 7:25 am

    Kyla – 195 – What a wonderful idea. Love it. 🙂


  211.  #211Azure Blu on May 1, 2014 at 7:38 am

    Yes, you are soooo Strong and Brave!!!
    Especially when involving your child… things get scary
    I feel Your Love for her… you worried for her safety (life)
    I feel good that you are on this blog…
    You know how supporting it is.

    FW- Kyla
    I too sing love songs to ME
    and Love the Legend song.

    Also Sara Bareilles – I Choose You
    Let the bough break let it come down crashing
    Let the sun fade out to a dark sky
    Can’t say I would even know it was absent
    ‘Cause I could live by the light in your eyes
    I’ll unfold before YOU
    What I’ve strung together
    the very first words of a lifelong love letter
    Tell the world that we finally got it all right
    I choose you
    I will become Yours and You will become MINE
    I choose you
    I choose you
    My whole heart will be yours Forever
    This is a beautiful start to a
    Lifelong LOVE letter

  212.  #212Azure Blu on May 1, 2014 at 7:41 am

    Sara Bareilles’s Brave is awesome too!!!
    I love seeing it loud in my office!!
    “Show me how BIG YOUR BRAVE is”!!

  213.  #213Kyla on May 1, 2014 at 7:57 am

    I am signed up to Desmond Bishop’s 30 day forgiveness challenge and feel excited for it to start this Sunday. I feel hopeful that it will help me open up to even more love and let go of whatever pain is in me that I’m still gripping. I feel fear in my chest yet it feels so good to sink into it and let it flow.

    Ninja is out of contact range, no phone or internet access. He left on an impromptu fishing trip yesterday. When he called to tell me I said oh ok have fun! He said ‘too bad you can’t come too’ and then mentioned being pretty busy this wkd. The words sat in my tummy for a few hours. On one hand I felt happy for him and completely freed up to work on my project.. on the other I felt sad. I finally sent him an email saying “I felt confused and offended hearing it was too bad I couldn’t come to something when I hadn’t been invited. I don’t like feeling brushed off. I had no intention of invading or questioning your plans. I know I’m feeling tired and sensitive today but it felt icky. I genuinely mean it when I say have fun, I love impromptu adventures. I can’t wait to hear all about it. X” I felt afraid to send it but my fingers pressed send before I could second guess myself. I felt quite peaceful after and spent my evening taking care of me.

    This morning I saw he’d emailed me back last night when he had temporary access. It was quite long and lovely about being afraid of being too much, coming on too strong and scaring me away and he was testing the waters to see if I wanted to come too but had felt stupid that I wasn’t interested or would be annoyed at the short notice so chickened out.

    The only response I want to send to him is I love you but feel that should be said first in person.. or maybe not.. I don’t know.. I feel safe and happy.

  214.  #214Kyla on May 1, 2014 at 8:03 am

    Liquid Light – Your boytoy updates and making me smile ear to ear!

    Azure Blu – I love love love reading your comments. They feel so soft and flowy and beautiful and inspiring.

    Dominique – all my love to you <3

  215.  #215Azure Blu on May 1, 2014 at 8:05 am

    Ohhh my… all you (((Lovely Sirens)))
    Thank you…

    I am feeling how bitter I had become because I DID walk away from my first marriage…
    Lost MUCH $$$ and possessions but I escaped with ME!!!
    I was young- 24
    and when I left i was sooo emotionally abused I just wanted out…
    Then I felt sooo Brave and Powerful walking away..
    Slowly over the years this has turned to bitterness cause I see how much easier my life might have been if I had fought for some of the $$

    These postings today have reminded me of WHY i didn’t fight for more… and I WAS VERY Brave to leave and NOT look back…

    Thank you Sirens for guiding me to letting go of more of my past that I need to release!!!
    On May Day!!!

  216.  #216Valarie O'Ryan on May 1, 2014 at 8:15 am

    I just love how the blog is talking about using music to switch your vibe! It’s actually a really powerful tool that also feels amazing.

    I even did a blog post all about music awhile back & included some links to uplifting/adore women, songs:!How%20Your%20%22Playlist%22%20Can%20Help%20Or%20Hurt%20Your%20Love%20Life/csw/3106D48B-D97D-4A75-BA3F-29FDF81A9933

    Happy Thursday, Sirens! 🙂

    Xoxo, ~Valarie

  217.  #217Azure Blu on May 1, 2014 at 8:15 am

    I’m feeling curious when you might be hearing about your job interview?

    I’m feeling your sassiness when you’re writing about all these boy toys… :->
    Sounds FUN!!
    Keep us informed

  218.  #218Azure Blu on May 1, 2014 at 8:26 am

    Kyla 207…
    What a dear you are!!! I feel heard and happy reading your post to meeeee!! :-+

    Kyla 206,
    The D Bishop 30 days to forgiveness workshop feels like it would be life changing… I too feel a tightning i my chest when I think about forgiveness…
    Mmmm …definitely something there… I continually work on forgiveness of ME and Others…
    It must be a lifelong practice???

    Wow I feel excited reading about what happened when you were SOOOO vulnerable
    and shared your feelings with Ninja…
    A gentle reminder to YES> YES> YES
    be vulnerable, share our truth, Pause
    and Be Surprised
    Soooo much Closeness and Intimacy!!!

  219.  #219Azure Blu on May 1, 2014 at 8:34 am

    I choose YOU…
    I am not perfect
    I’ll learn from my mistakes and
    as long as it takes
    I will prove MY love to YOU
    I am not scared of the elements
    I am underprepared
    but I AM willing
    And even BETTER
    I get to be the other half of YOU!
    Tell the world that we finally got it all right
    I will become Yours and You will become Mine
    I choose YOU!!!

  220.  #220Azure Blu on May 1, 2014 at 8:52 am

    This is a good post…
    I LOVE the Blues… Not necessarily cause it talks about sadness … I love the beat, and guitar etc….
    But lately I’ve been listening with a different take on it
    with me loveing ME more
    it doesn’t effect me as much…
    BUT I do listen to happy songs too
    To push my mood up
    I love to sing Very Loud in my car :->

  221.  #221Liquid Light on May 1, 2014 at 9:00 am

    Thanks ladies, I appreciate your encouraging words re. boy toys! 🙂

    I had someone message me last night about wanting to get together. I told him that we weren’t a good match and that wasn’t interested. When he pressed I told him why: He didn’t make enough money for me to be interested in him romantically, and he wasn’t young/hot enough for him to be a boy toy. Hahahaha!!!

    He didn’t like that too much but I want what I want and am not going to tip-toe around it. When he pressed the issue, I decided to tell him exactly what was on my mind. Little annoyed with these old guys that have nothing to offer but seem to expect me to be so happy that they are contacting me….huh???? NOT!!!!

  222.  #222Liquid Light on May 1, 2014 at 9:04 am

    Kyla, I think that was SO courageous of you to express yourself to Ninja like that. Really amazing and I’m so glad that he responded the way he did! WOW, so cool!!!!

  223.  #223Kyla on May 1, 2014 at 9:10 am

    Yay LL Speak your Truth! Woohoo! I feel elated! You deserve the very best! <3

    Valerie, I love your post, thank you for sharing it with us!

    Woah I'm just filled with tingly, feel good excitement today! I can feel a miracle! This blog and all you gorgeous sirens make my heart soar! Just watched 'Dream Big and Never Quit – Best Motivational Viral Video' on the tube of you and I'm ignited! Love to everyone!!

    Later ladies xxxxoooo

  224.  #224Azure Blu on May 1, 2014 at 9:19 am

    LL 214. inspiring me… I surely need to practice more authenticity…
    “Brave” Sara Bareilills
    “Show me how Big your Brave is!!!
    Our history of silence won’t do us any good…
    Let your words be anything but empty
    Why don’t you tell them the truth?”
    Say what you wannna say
    and let the words fall out honestly
    I wanna see YOU
    be Brave…”

  225.  #225Femininewoman on May 1, 2014 at 9:43 am

    Valerie I love that Bruno Mars. Never heard of the Sinatra one but listening to it now.

  226.  #226Veronica on May 1, 2014 at 9:47 am

    Kyla 202 and FW 203 – Thank you, what you’ve said helps me to put things in perspective. The photos are not up anywhere, not even on fb, they’re stored on my computer. I feel relieved that I didn’t have couple selfies on my fb – that would be hard to deal with. I still feel connected to BM, though not in a painful way, I don’t spend too much time pondering it, more like accepting it and carrying on with what I’m doing.

  227.  #227Femininewoman on May 1, 2014 at 9:49 am

    Kyla – has he said “I love you” yet?

    I understand it is not a good idea for the woman to say it first. I am wondering if you could say a thank for respecting my personal choice or not taking me for granted or……I dunno. I would look for something to say that affirms him respecting you.

  228.  #228Andrea on May 1, 2014 at 9:51 am

    Oh my the Shift is coming on strong and I feel like resisting. I’m white knuckling and holding on for dear life.

    Recently I wrote a letter to the father of my two daughters. We have not been in touch except for sporadic visits and short phone calls over the twelve years that we’ve been apart. There’s been no animosity, just…. I felt I could do a better job of raising my girls with out him than with him. And his career took him to Alaska and I did not want to live there.

    But, my daughters are teenagers now. I feel this overwhelming desire for them to know who they are because of his DNA, racial, spiritual, energetic influence on them. Being their father, he is half of them. Also, I’m weary of carrying the whole load.

    I wrote him a letter using a lot of humility and feeling messages. Mainly I implored him… I feel so needy right now, and you are the only one who can help.

    He received the letter and called me right away. He said, “I hear you Andrea. You’ve never let me see this side of you. You always acted so strong and like you could handle it all. I’m coming. As soon as I’m state side, I’m coming to you.”

    I relaxed into my chair. I feel frightened to let him in. But I feel relief as well. I told him: I just feel like leaning on someone right now. I feel like resting in the passenger seat and allowing someone else to take the wheel for a while. I’ve been holding up the family for so long now. I feel like I want some help from someone who naturally understands these girls and loves them.

    He said, “I’m coming. I’m here for you. I’ll be there in July and together we will work it out.”

    It just felt so good to hear him, someone, anyone… say those words. “Together, we can work it out.”

    I don’t know if he’ll really come, or what will change in these next coming months, but it’s just a feeling inside of me that I’m finally willing now to let go my tight choke hold on life and let someone else really see my vulnerable, imperfect, and yet yearning and progressing side of me.

    I feel so strongly that I pushed the girl’s father away out of fear and so many other things I was going through. I let him drift away with out ever telling him, “Actually, I need you in my life.”

    I feel soft and pliable and vulnerable and scared and needy and lonely… but not helpless. I feel how strong I’ve had to be these past years. I feel pride in where we are right now as a family. But I also feel a yearning, a longing, to have the strength be outside of me in the form of a man, so that I can relax for a little while. I want to go soft and smoosh against him. I want to sink into the mush of his love for me.. (him… who ever that is)

    I don’t feel romantic attraction to the girl’s father anymore. But, then again, we are two different people than we were all those years ago.

    I hope God hears me. I feel like being a woman for once… a woman who can fully be her true feminine self because she’s in the presence of a masculine man.

  229.  #229Veronica on May 1, 2014 at 10:00 am

    Wow Kyla and Andrea – I feel awe for your siren strength. I feel trepidation when I imagine doing what you both did. I fear the No too much.

  230.  #230Femininewoman on May 1, 2014 at 10:01 am

    Andrea I felt tears come to my eyes as I came to the end of your comments and I feel myself choking back the tears. Your words resonated deep into my soul that I want to cut and paste and send.

  231.  #231Azure Blu on May 1, 2014 at 10:04 am

    Andrea… ohhh my dear…
    How VERY lovely, warm, soft are YOU!!!
    I’m in tears….
    to show us sirens and your ex allllll of your sweet lightnesssss
    this is

    I raised my son and daughter without their Dad (he was not around at all) – NO child support either…
    Life seemed especially difficult when they were teens cause of alll the emotional issues they had around their Dad being gone etc..
    I yearned for a helping hand – someone who already knew and loved them….

    You writing your letter, and his response is
    Sooo exciting and hopeful
    and precious
    2 people wanting the best for each other and their children…

  232.  #232Kyla on May 1, 2014 at 10:11 am

    Mmm FW he said he was falling in love with me in my home language a couple weeks ago and I responded something to that tune although he didn’t understand what I said 🙂 (actually he’s learning my language even though English is my mother tongue.. he listens to audio books in the car on the hour drive to my house!). He said he would love to hear me say the words but can see it in my eyes and feel it in my hug. I haven’t said it yet. I just responded to his email before I saw your comment. I said ‘Thank you. I feel very safe and happy. See you when you get back. All my love.’.

    I’ve never said I love you to anyone first, ever. I’ve even waited to hear it a few times before I’ve finally felt comfortable to say it back. I want to be more vulnerable and brave, for my own sake, not for the response. Baby stepping it.

  233.  #233Waterfall on May 1, 2014 at 10:15 am

    Hi Sirens,

    Apologies for not catching up on the blog but I am in a rush & I need to post a quick update.

    So I met up with D as he talked me into it.

    I feel more confused than ever. He is in such bad way and unable to cope. At one point he was shaking.

    I feel so over wehlmed and scared of all this.

    What have I done to deserve it?

    I don’t seem to have the power to move away. I feel so guilty.

    It is so hard…

    I love him but I’m not sure if I want to be with him…

  234.  #234Waterfall on May 1, 2014 at 10:16 am

    I sometimes feel Roris tools are too powerful, I am scared to use them.

    I feel like- be careful what you wish for…

    I feel scared and am hugging myself

  235.  #235Waterfall on May 1, 2014 at 10:18 am

    Sorry i should say basically he is terrified of losing me.

  236.  #236Azure Blu on May 1, 2014 at 10:20 am

    I too FEAR the “NO”
    Mine feels HUGE
    Boulder size
    HEAVY FEAR of the outcome when I am vulnerable and speak my truth

  237.  #237Dominique on May 1, 2014 at 10:26 am

    Andrea – 221 – LOVE this. I feel so very proud of you. Your blossoming since I’ve known you here inspire me.


  238.  #238Valarie O'Ryan on May 1, 2014 at 10:28 am

    Thank you Azure Blue 🙂 I love singing in my car too. I feel taken away to another place, out of the traffic, away from the bustle. Jazz is wonderful! So many emotions in it.

    FW – the Sinatra song, to me, illustrates the power of just being feminine – what a simple look or touch from a woman can do to a man.

    Kyla, your email to Ninja was SO good! And a perfect illustration of how we need to be true to ourselves & authentic. A man can sense when we’re not.

    Saying, “have fun” & leaving it at that wouldn’t feel congruent to him because, even though you genuinely want him to have fun, you felt confused & disappointed too.

    So Bravo to you for stating so warmly & womanly ALL that you were feeling. This actually inspires a man to come closer!! 🙂

    Xoxo, ~Valarie

  239.  #239Kyla on May 1, 2014 at 10:37 am

    Andrea, so beautiful. I feel moved.

    Valerie, thank you. I feel smiley, like I just got a big high-five!

  240.  #240Kyla on May 1, 2014 at 10:44 am

    Veronica, I’m learning to thank the NO and thank whoever said it for their honesty! It frees me up to move forward. Speaking my truth saves me time and heartache. Being brave and surprised is liberating. I keep practicing on strangers where the outcome really doesn’t matter to me but the feeling of speaking my truth is powerful. Baby step it 🙂

  241.  #241Azure Blu on May 1, 2014 at 10:46 am

    Waterfall 227
    Ahhhhh!!! :-))
    “I sometimes feel Roris tools are too powerful, I am scared to use them.”

    Me too…. I have to stop using FM with some CDs (ones I know are not for me) or they keep wanting to see me…
    Mighty Powerful…

  242.  #242Femininewoman on May 1, 2014 at 10:59 am

    Man’s Secret Desire Revealed

    Men want to feel like your hero. We want to feel like we’re rescuing you from life. I’m not talking about emotionally rescuing you, or any unhealthy co-dependency here. I’m talking about us wanting to make you feel loved, honored, and adored. When you allow us to rescue you like that, you make us feel exactly the way we need to feel.

  243.  #243Femininewoman on May 1, 2014 at 11:04 am

    Heart Opening Ritual:

    Find a quiet place.
    Say a prayer or set an intention, light a candle and some sage or incense, maybe even play some soft music to create a sacred space and bring you into the present moment.
    Meditate and ask for the place within you that has never been hurt, and never could be, to be revealed to you.

    Keep searching, keep uncovering and keep asking for this place to be discovered until you find it.
    Daily affirmation: There’s a place in me that has never been hurt and never could be.

  244.  #244Indigo on May 1, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    Shannon P,

    I was in a similar situation to your daughter when I was little (6 years old) and my parents got divorced. It was a very volatile, violent situation and I didn’t want to go to my dad.

    My mom bought me a purple monkey to take with me (which I still have to this day) and made up a story about it which I completely believed. It soothed me tremendously during those early times.

    I suppose the point I am trying to make is you can make up rituals with her which will soothe her and teach her to cope in very difficult situations and can ultimately make her stronger.

    Love xx

  245.  #245Andrea on May 1, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    Thank you all so much for your responses. I feel validated, like I truly am heading in the right direction. Even though it’s new ground I’m walking on here.

    I should update about Tinder: Well, as Waterfall stated, sometimes Rori’s exercises work too well. I was only on Tinder for three days, but everyone who contacted me, I used feeling messages with and this morning, oh my, it was so overwhelming. I had about eight messages in my inbox to respond to.

    Tinder is not really set up to be a comfortable conversation and get to know someone app. It’s more for just like Rori wrote, meeting someone in person for a quick coffee or fun get together. It does look like it has a reputation for being a quick hook up site, but with feeling messages that energy can very quickly be turned around.

    If I were in a big city I would just be having so much fun with this app. I would be able to meet men very quickly at coffee shops or book stores or pet stores or bowling or things like that. But being in this small northern town, every one of my “matches” are far away and it’s all just conversation over the Tinder messaging. It’s exhausting.

    I gave out my actual phone number to two of the men that I liked after good conversations and both have texted me at odd and interupting hours. One man even called me, even after I asked him to please not call til a certain time.

    It’s not a good site to try and actually get to know someone. It really is a boost for seeing who is close to you and then setting up a good face to face meeting. I’m queen of that type of thing and I would love it if it were feasible to my location right now.

    So… as it is… I deleted my account there and got the app off my phone. IT was a nice experiment, but not for me at this time.

    As for Tattooed Hottie: this morning again, he texted me quite early wanting bedroom pictures of me.

    I just simply messaged back, hours later, when I chose to respond: I feel awkward sharing private pictures with a man I only met through Tinder two days ago. I feel strange.

    And he has not texted me back.

    I just feel like being soft and patient about it. I get excited about meeting men but then it starts to feel too worky on my part.

    Then this afternoon, there is a lady, about my age, a business owner and just stunning dresser.. I have admired since I moved here. She sent me a facebook message that she wondered if I would have time to pop into her store sometime.

    So I went to her store and said hi. She said that she is at this stage in her life that she’s really looking for new friendships with women. She said, ever since I moved here she has admired me and wanted to become my friend. Then she just, kind of vulnerable and giggly, asked me if I’d like to try… to be friends. And she asked me to go to a business luncheon with her on Saturday.

    I am so amazed and so happy about this. I just feel like I’m softening up. I feel like I’m kind of radiating an open-ness that people are picking up on, like I’m approachable. It feels so nice.

    I immediately told this woman that yes, for sure, I really would like that. So we are going for lunch on Saturday to network with a bunch of other women in our city who are business owners. I feel like I’m being elbowed into a whole new sphere and group of people. It’s wonderful.

  246.  #246Love Goddess on May 1, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    Changed my name…was Saida…

    I just pressed the button on Match to accept another date. J hasn’t confirmed a date for this weekend, so I am in limbo whether I will see him this weekend, so decided to say I would meet someone who feels interesting and deep – just the way I like them, for fly fishing lessons. Don’t know when that will happen, but I feel a bit guilty since J and I have had standing dates for all previous weekends for 4 or 5 months.

    Truly getting in to circular dating. Oppps I am a bit scared.

    A fellow Siren- want- to- be traveler

  247.  #247Liquid Light on May 1, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    Andrea, so moved by your post about your ex and how vulnerable you were expressing yourself with him. Wow! That is so inspiring!!!!

  248.  #248Luzydel on May 1, 2014 at 7:21 pm

    Sometimes I want to know how to walk away if things get yucky in a relationship without feeling guilty, scared or anything. Just knowing it is not going to work and leave. CuteCD is a nice guy but I dunno…. maybe because I do not know him week enough yet, but it feels he is selfish. am I settling? I have been asking myself this lately. We’ll see, I am different every time I date someone new… I like him a lot, but I am not afraid to let him go if he has to.

    I have been single for so long and dealt with so much that I know I can make it on my own if I have to. Sometimes I feel I do not like men, not in a sexual way though because I do feel the attraction, but more as I do not like them as people… word feeling…. of detachment towards men sometimes. I have to go and feel those feelings.

  249.  #249Emerson on May 1, 2014 at 7:56 pm

    I have some opportunities maybe coming my way soon…I feel curious…

  250.  #250Millie on May 1, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    Andrea—SOOOOOO possible!!!! I have to remind myself the same thing! I am used to feeling like an object of the male gaze of sexuality, it must be a vibe I exude and can’t help which is ok, but I have to remind myself it is possible to find emotional connection too!!!! You CAN have it all!!! And so can I!!! I still think about mechanic… I feel butterflies when I do. I going to a my friends wedding in June and she told me he will be there. We are not allowed to bring guests. I feel butterflies just thinking about seeing him again, but I’ve shifted focus and am working on my vibe!!!!! I feel so much better lately . Like nothing I say or do or feel is “wrong.” The idea of contacting a man does not feel like what I want at all now. It sounds like…why would I do that? What would I get? Not what I truly want… So they and it is useless.

    Going out tonight ladies, hopefully catch up more on the blog when I get back. I feel like I have no time to read everyone’s posts! And I hate that

  251.  #251Veronica on May 1, 2014 at 10:06 pm

    Azure Blu – 236 – Yes! that fear can sit in my throat sometimes and it has a choking feeling. But I wonder for myself, fearing the No and getting worked up about the outcome for me is almost like asking the other person for permission to speak my truth – it sounds so bizarre. If I knew this 11 years ago, wow would my beliefs about myself would be so different. My fear of the No also comes from experiences when I’ve spoken my truth, even though I was afraid and vulnerable and being met with violence or mockery. It caused a lot of damage. But with what I know now after being on this blog, I don’t have to accept that anymore even though the fear of those previous times is still there.
    Maybe a No to the fear boulder would make it melt.

  252.  #252Veronica on May 1, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    Kyla – 240 – I feel inspired to practice gratitude for the No.

  253.  #253Debi on May 2, 2014 at 1:48 am

    Ladies, some advise-opinions-thoughts, please…

    I got RR’s ebook and scripts for dating & relationships 4 years ago and have only managed to become even more secluded from old friends, toxic dysfunctional ex & family and am raising a very good yet mom-made-lazy 13yr old boy. I have zero conversations unless school/health related because everything I say is ” I feel ___” and people look at me like I’m seriously insane. And no, not joking.

    CASE #1:
    I was recently fired from work by the male-customer, who recommended me and negotiated terms of my employment and I took note the owner was younger & giddy-nervous. After 2 months, he said “no one here likes you-across the entire company”. I said, that’s not the feeling I got and then asked to be given professional feed-back of my off-behavior because I want to learn and grow… I got nothing. That was their story & sticking to it… absolutely wow! (there aren’t enough verbs or adjectives to describe the flood in my mind). Before I was hired, this same man showed me a photo of a blond woman stating how much we look alike-eyes, facial structure, skin color, body shape, where he lives, the work he’s doing on his home, etc (fyi-I refuse to dye my hair or behave mindlessly although I am a idiot on guy behavior and how to respond). At work I’d smile, say hello to all, is there something I should know, I feel, what do you think, I’m listening, ok, what do you need/want me to do, where can I find, I’d like/want/need, offer assistance, etc. What the hell happened here???

    I’m 47 and never has anyone said something to me other than “you’re slow/tough/take time to get to know but some might see that as a bitch even though you’re not”.

    I’ve asked before, how does saying “I feel, I want, I don’t want” make a conversation? In my mind if someone says turn left, it means turn left – no gray areas. So when the instruction is to say “I feel ___” regardless of what was said to me, I do, even though I don’t know what I’m really saying or what it really means. This has made for very awkward situations for me. Obviously I don’t get it and am doing something incorrect and I’m afraid to respond to anyone that reaches out to me for a possible date that I’d love to go on after 15 years.

    CASE #2
    I have yet to respond to the message below (received it 30 days ago):

    I found your profile unique and a little challenging to interpret. One never knows unless one reveals. I came to the full figure picture and perceive that you are a woman of very strong passion. I imagined standing behind you, caressing you as you drifted to your inner place. Weak in my arms as you reached it. For now, my interest flow in that sea, passion without premise. Free of all that inhibits. Free to do as desire aches.
    Should you imagine having a friend with whom to experience more, here, then, in moments of need. I would enjoy receiving your interest. I am very intense and do not apologize for being a man. Should we meet, the façades would fall and I would seek to explore your passions thought and then take you beyond. A must is the willingness to listen and be guided, and to whisper your wants.
    I am aware I am a but unusual in my greeting, but have learned to reveal is the truest sense of honesty.(end)

    How do I respond to this??? And more, is he saying anything other than I want to f___ you? Is this really the only way men get to know if they like a girl?

    My profile
    (fully clothed conservative photos, note the RR take-aways and please keep in mind that I really have no clue what the male perception of this is-what he/they hear):

    The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” – Thomas Merton. True freedom, because you have the right to treat me any way you want. So, my profile is about me because I’m really not about telling you what to do.

    In my mind respect is given so what does respect look like to you? Because keeping it, is something I feel willing to do, but I’m a girl and don’t feel infallible.

    I want a great relationship, to fall-in-love with a guy who can go anywhere & nowhere, do something or nothing and so, I wonder what you want. Because I feel without true love, it’s keeping score and that’s not me. I want to experience all the types and levels of intimacy, celebrating each other, getting to a higher place and bringing out the best in each other while overseeing our community, when this shows up. So, is there something I need to know?

    Some things don’t feel like love to me and so I feel forgiveness and believe I know when to speak. I feel best being open-minded for growth and feel like a seeker of because I don’t feel like an enemy nor in competition and I want others to feel cared about. I’ve often wondered what makes another feel love and so yes, I want my feelings considered because I feel human.

    Well, thanks for spending some time with me – goodbye.

    First Date:
    I feel good taking my time getting to know another so I’m sure whatever we do will feel fun because simply taking in fresh air feels great to me. So, I feel it’s up to you to ask me and I’m here when you’re ready. What do you think?

    Thank you so much, anything you have to offer is appreciated!

  254.  #254Millie on May 2, 2014 at 5:21 am

    Oh no… bank showed up to this event I went to last night. I didn’t even know he was coming!!!! And instead of showing him what he was missing, I got really drunk 🙁 I didn’t mean to…… Crap. And he noticed. And he said something. Ugh…….. I hate when that happens.

  255.  #255Millie on May 2, 2014 at 5:22 am

    My bank….I meant mechanic.

  256.  #256Goddess of Love on May 2, 2014 at 5:30 am


    I hope today we all treat life well, realize it is a gift, feel great about ourselves, know that we are loved, have fun, smell the viburnums, laugh out loud, smile at everyone our eyes connect with, remember and use more and more Rori’s teachings, exude love…

    Lots of love to all of you…

  257.  #257Femininewoman on May 2, 2014 at 6:08 am

    Milie – I hate when that happens.

    I feel curious. When what happens?

  258.  #258Azure Blu on May 2, 2014 at 6:27 am

    Millie 253
    Big (((hugs)))
    I hate that when it happens!! Ugh…

    but remember… there are NO mistakes…

    Rori says “Smile you are the prize.
    You are the yummy pie.
    Put your focus on you.
    Put yourself back on your pedestal.

    know that the more you heal YOU, the more you keep your focus on you, taking exquisite care of you in all ways, not worrying about what he’s thinking, doing, saying, the more you can keep your heart open and vulnerable, no matter how you feel, no matter what he does or doesn’t do, the better you will feel.”

  259.  #259Azure Blu on May 2, 2014 at 7:05 am

    Lovely Sirens,
    Last night I had a most Fabulous time!!!

    met up with 2 girl frindz.
    One frind (TR) has recently become separated from her husband of 24 years
    and the other frind (TB) has just moved into a log home her boyfriend built them because she mentioned she didn’t like living with all the old furniture from his previous marriage…
    We all met at the log home
    Ahhh how lovely, warm and homey the house was… We have known each other 4 years and haven’t been together in 2 years.
    It was a magical night!!
    We have all blossomed and changed
    gotten new jobs,
    children have graduated
    grandchildren have been born…
    We talked about love
    Sex or lack there of… :-}
    professional victories,
    emotional pain
    Ate a meal
    Drank wine
    Laughed and giggled
    Played pool
    Ping Pong
    Shared advice
    Gave each other love
    hugs and kisses
    And of course I always talk about the Rori tools!!! :->
    This morning I feel warm, supported and cared for…

  260.  #260Millie on May 2, 2014 at 7:21 am

    Femininewoman- I hate when I drink too much. And I especially dislike being THAT drunk in front of a man I like because I look and feel foolish and lose out on a opportunity to be sireny.

  261.  #261Femininewoman on May 2, 2014 at 7:42 am

    Okay Millie. So it seems to me like there is a conversation that you need to have with yourself and some choices you have to make in support of yourself. What do you think?

  262.  #262Kyla on May 2, 2014 at 9:06 am

    ((((Millie)))) Be very gentle with yourself sweetie. Thank you for the triggers.

    What I wrote to myself after my last accidental drunken adventure.. I drink too much when I’m lying to myself that I feel comfortable, secure and confident. I drink too much when I want to feel better. I drink too much to drown out the fear that I’m not good enough. I drink too much to be someone I feel I am not. I drink too much when I want to beat myself up. I drink too much when I’m feeling out of control. I drink too much to forget. I drink too much to feel worse the next day.

    I’m sorry for abusing alcohol and using it to hurt myself. I ask myself to forgive me for my mistakes and let go of the shame inside me. I thank me for the valuable lesson and the opportunity to make a new choice. I take good care of me right now in this moment. I love me, right now.

    I will drink club soda when I’m out socialising to keep my awareness clear. I will drink alcohol only with food. I will drink water in between alcoholic drinks to give my body time to absorb the alcohol and help to flush the toxins out before deciding if I want another drink. I will enjoy alcohol now. I do not have to abuse myself with it anymore.

  263.  #263RileyTheOwl on May 2, 2014 at 9:09 am

    Feminine Woman 243- that is BEAUTIFUL. And thats the sort of thing that just gets me. I’m going to do this tonight 🙂

  264.  #264Azure Blu on May 2, 2014 at 9:46 am

    Kyla 261
    Love these gentle, kind words for self talk!!!
    Thank you for sharing..
    I am pasting and coping

  265.  #265Azure Blu on May 2, 2014 at 9:48 am

    FW 243
    I feel curious and confused
    Why would I want to find that place in me that has never been hurt?

  266.  #266RileyTheOwl on May 2, 2014 at 10:36 am

    Azure Blu, hmm… To me, I would feel so good finding this place in my heart/soul because while meditating like this, it would feel so good to me to bring up that sense of “I am in power of myself” feeling, a joy that comes from sensing my wholeness, the fact that there is a part of me that cannot be wounded by external factors…. I’m unsure how to express this in words… But to me, finding this place and relaxing and touching it with my love would be such a grounding and sensual and loving and empowering experience. It could mean something completely different to Feminine Woman, but that’s what it means to me

  267.  #267Liquid Light on May 2, 2014 at 10:47 am

    Millie, I wouldn’t fret about it too much. I’m sure that’s not the first time something like that has happened, we’ve all been there on both sides (being drunk or being the sober one). Especially around your age (in your 20s right?)…I used to do that a lot (and still do sometimes and i’m in my 40s! hahaha!!!), it comes with the territory (of being out at a special event partying). I”m sure it didn’t phase him at all, I wouldn’t sweat it. Just my 2 cents.

  268.  #268Femininewoman on May 2, 2014 at 11:19 am

    Riley I love what you said. I tried it and it felt really good to believe that there was a part of me that can never be hurt.

  269.  #269Liquid Light on May 2, 2014 at 11:51 am

    Azure 258 That sounds like a blast!!! 🙂

  270.  #270Millie on May 2, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    Yes, I know better than to drink on an empty stomach. I need to set better boundaries for myself when it comes to alcohol.

    Liquid Light- this isn’t the first time I’ve been very drunk around him. He’s been drunk around me as well. He usually laughs at the silly things I say and said I’m super funny when I’m drinking. But, I don’t want to have a reputation for being the drunk girl. I was upset about something that happened at work last night, so I drank more than I should have.

  271.  #271Liquid Light on May 2, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    Millie, yeah that is something to look out for. Good that you are aware of that and can now take precautions against getting that reputation. Awareness is always the first step! 🙂

  272.  #272Kyla on May 2, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    Out with the old! Cleaned out my garage, swept the front porch and path, unblocked the upstairs toilet and put aside a bunch of things to donate.

    In with the new! Worked on one of my websites, developed the material and found a venue for one of the classes I want to teach, put together a marketing plan, wrote another 2000 of my book.

    And I received a package I’ve been waiting for and an out of the blue invitation to the basketball game from a client this Sunday 🙂 Its been a good day so far. Then my daughter asked if I would bring her and her bff on a little road trip afterschool (I went for a random drive with daughter yesterday and we had a blast) so I’m going out to enjoy some scenery and let them take turns navigating us to the middle of nowhere. We will satnav it home. I’ve organised a pizza, movie and pj party with the kids and Ninja is coming over on his way home tonight or tomorrow morning. I’ve a busy wkd ahead of me and looking forward to finding some rest time too!

    Happy weekend Sirens! xxoo

  273.  #273Liquid Light on May 2, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    I just thought of another hot boy toy!!! (I’ve eliminated boy toy #1 and #2 for various reasons) This BT is so sexy!!! I don’t know if I have the guts to follow through with it but its nice to fantasize about!!! LOL!!! 😀

  274.  #274Olivia on May 2, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    Andrea: “adventures…….conversation…and maybe romance! 🙂 ” That feels feminine and flirty and low expectation to me – but still w of vibe of holding oneself in high esteem! If a guy takes adventure to mean def. sex I think you will pick up on it. I am jealous I want to do tinder! Heheh jk happy w my man 🙂 ill be enjoying the flirting and fantasizing w others as it pops up!

  275.  #275Olivia on May 2, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    Andrea: just read your update – too late on my end! You are such a Rockstar. 🙂

  276.  #276Tereana on May 2, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    Well, ladies, I’m off on a little relaxation weekend for myself. I am reeeealy looking forward to it. I don’t know if it’s the travel, or what, but for some reason, I am feeling super empowered today. That’s it for right now, because I’m traveling. But it was my birthday yesterday, and I guess I just feel bad-*ss right now. Embracing the bad-*ss.

    Have a good weekend, sirens!

  277.  #277Liquid Light on May 2, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    Happy Birthday Tereana! Have a great trip and enjoy the adventure.

    My birthday is next week. Not looking forward to it, ughh.

  278.  #278Mandy on May 2, 2014 at 3:29 pm


    Oh gosh, I want to share too…I had a bad night last night and polished off an entire bottle of chardonnay in the process. I get very emotional, the emotions grow and magnify when I’m drunk and I lose all sense of logic and self control, and everything turns into an insult to me so I end up usually getting angry or crying if I’ve had too much, then I feel awful body-wise the next day!

    I SO feel you on this subject. I decided a year ago I would only drink on special occasions, but last night was just ridiculous. Especially when my man is trying to cut down…that doesn’t help much!

    But don’t despair. One time J and I had a date and I was already tipsy when he showed up because I don’t drive and I bussed it to the place and showed up early and began without him. He said he felt like it wasn’t cool of me, because this was a date. But he decided to run with it, we had great fun that night, and he still decided he wanted me and that I was his very, very favorite. In fact he had been seeing a girl who I knew and met on my own, and when he began seeing me, he stopped seeing her, he said because she was so awkward and needy as hell, and he just really wanted me, because I was charming and I am supposing because I didn’t crowd or smother him.

    A drunken episode may seem like a bigger deal than it actually is to you, hun. Like I said yes there was momentary judgement from J when I was tipsy on our date, but he obviously let it go and decided there was too much good stuff to pass up on with me!

    Also, I learned a trick that guys use all the time…if a guy calls a woman and she doesn’t answer, he just decides to act like it never happened. 🙂 So if something embarrassing happens when you are out with people, just forget it happened, and carry on with your Sireny ways. 🙂 Then riff when you have alone time about it. 🙂

  279.  #279Mandy on May 2, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    By the way I have a question for all the ladies….just want some perspective…

    It’s really weird, there’s a girl who J and I both have hung out with before separately, and he’s slept with her before. We see her all the time at the grocery store, and when I am away from him, she will come up to him and start trying to talk to him privately, and he says, “Uh, I gotta go…” and runs away from her.

    I feel like she’s trying to charm him again, steal him from me, or something, I mean why would she corner him in private when I am away? I so feel like cornering her and and telling her to leave my man alone, he doesn’t like her and neither do I.

    What’s a Sireny way of dealing with this situation?

  280.  #280Daria on May 2, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    Happy Birthday Tereana 🙂

  281.  #281Dominique on May 2, 2014 at 4:16 pm

    Happy! Happy!! Happy!!! Belated Day!!!! Tereana. <3


  282.  #282Dominique on May 2, 2014 at 4:17 pm

    Mandy – Let it go. If he’s the man for you, he will take care of this.


  283.  #283Millie on May 2, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    Mandy– thank you so much for sharing! It’s good to know these things happen to everyone and we all leave it behind us at some point.

  284.  #284Andrea on May 2, 2014 at 4:37 pm

    I was at an Art Show today and got into a conversation with three other ladies. Two were 16 years older than me, one was twenty years younger.

    Okay, we got on the subject of going out as single women. Young girl says: I always split the bill half and half. I’m a stickler for that. Sometimes I have a friend I go out with who knows the position I’m in financially and so he will pay for me. And he would like “something” in return but he knows he’s not going to get any.

    Both older women said: Yes, yes, you never know what the men will expect. They could follow you home or do something dangerous if they don’t get their expectations met.

    And I said: Huh? What about being feminine? What about accepting a gift as what it is: a gift?

    Both the older women very vehemently launched into the fact that if you get something, you have to give something in return.
    They said: These are the aspects of being feminine; nurturing, giving, taking care of someone, etc..

    I said: Huh?

    Am I confused as to what feminine is? I asked the ladies, what is feminine to you…compared to masculine? And the answers I got back were so confused and jumbled.

    It made me feel very fragmented and silenced in my soul, like my truth is alien, foreign…

    It also made me very very scared. I don’t want to be in my fifties, chopping my own wood, changing my own tires on my truck, fixing my own windows on my home, cleaning out my own rain gutters…
    not because I won’t be able to do those things, but because I would be so so appreciative of a male counterpart who did them. (just a few of the examples that the older women gave of what they do for themselves)

    I left the art show and I felt scared and resistant to being single. I feel like… just because other women don’t claim what I believe femininity is, does not mean I have to change my views.

    They said: Those men aren’t out there anymore. Those men that give without expectation, those men that change tires for women or just open the doors even though us women are out there: us women who still bake cookies.

    I said: What about us women who still look for their men to be their heroes? What about us women who show gratitude and appreciation when men do something for us, even though we could have done it ourselves, but what about us women who show men that Yes, in fact, we do still need them. What’s wrong with that?

    Man, I feel kind of depleted this evening. I feel I want to be held by big strong arms and have someone tell me, I’m your man, Andrea. I’m the man who fits every aspect of you. I’m the yang to your yin.

  285.  #285Millie on May 2, 2014 at 4:47 pm

    Breaking news ladies….get ready for this…

    I asked Mechanic “What do you think about a date?”
    And…..he said Yes he’s down!

    I just got to the point where I wanted to know either way…I don’t want to feel regret or wonder, if I had never spoke up, what would have happened…

    Regardless of what happens, or even if he had said no, the victory is in the fact that I spoke up, and it was easy once I decided to do it! No more holding in what I want in anymore! Feeling victorious!

  286.  #286Mandy on May 2, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    Dominique –

    I guess he DID take care of it! He walked in the door right after I wrote that question on here, and we sat and I brought it up saying, “wow, I feel so confused as to what to do if anything, it’s like she tried to corner you and talk to you to get me out of the picture.”…and we both mused about how weird it was, he said, “HAHA, right, like I’m SO going to be charmed by her cornering me in the store, and dump you for her!!!” and he laughed. It was fun and funny talking to him about it.

    But he let me know he basically gave her the very clear impression he wanted nothing to do with her, and the last time we saw her on the bus she totally hid from us. SO he did take care of it in his own J way.

    But I just realized completely right now I TOTALLY out-girled this girl, when J and I first met…she’d been seeing him, but she was so awkward and needy he said, that he dropped her like a side of beef and went straight to me! I don’t mean to gloat way too much but isn’t that allowed here? Like, I freaking rock because I out-girled her? LOL. ROCKSTAR.

    Thank goodness for Sirening 🙂 And thanks Dominique, actually J said almost the same thing you said…just to let it go! I love how smart he is…

    He’s doing so well with alcoholism treatment! He went to the doc today and got a schedule of classes/events/happenings, and he’s going to them ALL of his own choosing…he is the boss of his own destiny…he really is awesome!!!! 🙂

  287.  #287Mandy on May 2, 2014 at 4:58 pm


    Haha, I have had that happen more than once, I had to grab a handle of my drinking in my twenties when I dated a recovering addict. He would let me know when he thought I was acting a fool and it had a real impression on me so I slowed way down because I really cared about what he thought of me. Sounds bad I know, caring so much about what a man thinks of you, but at least it helped me stop being problematic in a way. Eventually I started circular dating when I was with him because he was way too critical and said he’d dump me if I didn’t lose weight, when he had met me at that weight, and I’d lost 20 lbs.

    Haha, circular dated right out of that mess! 🙂

  288.  #288Andrea on May 2, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    Tereana Happy Birthday and safe travels. Is this the trip where you are reuniting with “S”?? Can’t wait to hear what comes up for you on this journey.

  289.  #289Dominique on May 2, 2014 at 5:36 pm

    Andrea – 283 – They’re still out there. They are. Trust in this. You are on a wonderful. Try not to let others sway you.

    Love to you.


  290.  #290Dominique on May 2, 2014 at 5:37 pm

    Mandy – 285 – I feel so pleased, so happy for you. YAY!!!


  291.  #291Millie on May 2, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    Andrea- what a conversation to over hear!! I feel so happy that I do not share those views and feelings towards men and relationships. I believe in heroes too!

  292.  #292Veronica on May 2, 2014 at 8:51 pm

    Happy Birthday Tereana! : )

  293.  #293Veronica on May 2, 2014 at 8:52 pm

    Azure Blu – I enjoyed reading about your girls’ night – beautiful! Oh I’d love a sisterhood too: ) And that log cabin sounds so cosy, I feel inspired to carry on with my dream to build my own ‘in tune with nature’ house.

  294.  #294Veronica on May 2, 2014 at 8:54 pm

    Andrea – 283 – I am so relieved you shared your experience. Since I’ve decided to follow the siren way, I have felt that pressure of ‘no, you shouldn’t be like that’ – so many times. I was talking to a friend – she’s amazing: and she was commenting how anything feminine is treated as something to be chased out/made to flee. Before Rori I didn’t want to be a woman because there didn’t seem to be prospects that were exciting for me. I just didn’t like what my options were.
    Now for me, being feminine is a radical act of love.
    I feel sad reading how the women you spoke to followed the supposed expectation after being given something without knowing that that is a choice. It reminds me of myself: I used to believe: ‘nothing for nothing’ because all I could see were men in my town behaving like that. I don’t believe that anymore.

    I also don’t want to feel ashamed of my own needs – yes, I’d love for a masculine man in my life, and experience has shown me that being with a feminine man is draining.

    (((((Thank you so much for sharing)))))))))

  295.  #295Veronica on May 2, 2014 at 8:58 pm

    I am learning to actively love myself. Before, I felt content with just experiencing the feelings of self-love, but that dries up after a while. Now, it’s more like a disposition – I’m open to enjoying the feelings, I’m open to listening to myself, I’m open to doing something for myself if I need it. Just listening to myself has been beautiful. The feelings amplified a bit too. I was looking at my photographs and realized that they’re going to be photos that ‘shouldn’t be’ – they don’t have that contemporary slickness and more importantly, they’re feminine. I could feel panic and anxiety, my body cringing and my stomach clenching – it took a lot of self-soothing to calm me down. I realized that I had to practice more self-acceptance even though I’ll get very little support for what I’m doing. And I’ve been here before – believing in ideas or things that aren’t in the current fashion and I know how people react, I know the kind of policing that happens and I also know how I’m not going to be heard but this time it’s different – I accept myself. That’s the ‘game-changer’.

    I remember how I was honest with my need for love or a real relationship and being told how naive I was; that there being no irony to downplay my need when I expressed my need was proof of me being ‘inexperienced’. I still don’t see it their way though : )

  296.  #296LoveAlways on May 3, 2014 at 4:40 am

    Happy Belated Birthday Tereana <3

  297.  #297Femininewoman on May 3, 2014 at 6:25 am

    Iyanla Vanzant

    If you are feeling lost or left, mistrusted or misguided, misunderstood or as if you have missed out, just let it go! Ask yourself, what harm am I causing by holding on to this? You may have been holding on to what has caused you pain, but you can make a new choice. Once you make that choice, the Universe will give you something better.

  298.  #298Rori Raye on May 3, 2014 at 7:37 am

    Debi – Welcome – and I believe personal coaching help would be hugely helpful to you. Your language is difficult to get (I assume English is not your first language – and so what you write seems flowery and complex) – a coach can simplify it for you, and help you listen better – which I believe is the main issue here. Please try out one of the Certified Coaches in the Directory – they’re all amazing. Love, Rori

  299.  #299PixyStix on May 3, 2014 at 7:42 am

    Just when I think my relationship can’t possibly get any deeper, we bust through another floor 🙂

    Another great weekend and it’s only just started.

  300.  #300Luzydel on May 3, 2014 at 7:55 am

    I do not understand men sometimes… Captain CD is practically kissing my A$$. When I was with him and willing to give us a chance, he was a total jerk. Now he suddenly wants to do that, but I feel bored and unmotivated. I do not even want to see him. Ugh!!

  301.  #301Millie on May 3, 2014 at 10:12 am

    Veronica 295- that was beautiful! 🙂

    Pixystix- that must feel amazing!!! I can’t wait to experience that.

  302.  #302Millie on May 3, 2014 at 10:21 am

    You know what’s funny ladies,
    Now that I told Mechanic I wanted to go on a date with him…..I don’t even care if we do. It is the strangest thing. He probably isn’t the man for me, and I may not be the woman for him…and I’m ok with that.
    I feel content being me and I see all of the beautiful qualities I have and can offer…to accept a man as he is, to receive, to listen without judgement, to communicate appreciation, to communicate feelings and desires. I want to feel fire with a man, to light his and he light mine. Putting the date card out there was like shedding weight for me. I feel free-er, I let it go, now it doesn’t have to feel like a barnacle, a thought barnacle that went unsaid and feels like the elephant in the room for me, when he’s around.
    It’s strange to not care now, but I feel lighter.

  303.  #303Femininewoman on May 3, 2014 at 10:24 am

    Luzydel men want it to be their idea. They want to have a job in the relationship. They want to be in charge of their world. They want a space to express their love. It makes them feel like men when they work and row the boat.

    A man who is willing to kiss your a** is a man who wants to be there plus I am pretty sure he is feeling the shift towards confidence in your vibe. That my dear most of them can’t resist. Especially when your energy is not all over them. I have no problem practicing cdating with those guys.

  304.  #304Femininewoman on May 3, 2014 at 10:30 am

    Hi Debi. I agree with Rori reading what you wrote kind had me thinking I have to take to absorb this.

  305.  #305Femininewoman on May 3, 2014 at 10:33 am

    I want to feel fire with a man, to light his

    Reading this had me playing a scenario in my head of telling a man “I know I am so irresistible you can’t help yourself. Your knees are buckling under you. Your heart of pounding out of your chest and I just know your blood is rushing to your head from the burst of desire you are feeling”.

  306.  #306Veronica on May 3, 2014 at 10:46 am

    Millie 302 and FW 305 – Tinder and fire – yes! I’m loving this

  307.  #307Veronica on May 3, 2014 at 10:50 am

    (((Aw thank you Millie)))

  308.  #308LoveAlways on May 3, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Glowstix # 180 Thanks, It is an awesome feeling!

    Dominique # 179 I am going on a much need vacation but am turning it into a sacred trek, to walk the ceremonial paths that my ancestors took down into the “Unexpected Canyon.” It’s time for me to renew and I’m looking forward to it. I’ll stay at a resort and spa to relax and prepare. Oh, and I will certainly hit the strip for some shows and lights and glitz! 😀

    I book this trip when I decided to just LIVE. Why should I put off these awesome adventures when my heart is begging me to go NOW and enjoy living, enjoy this energy, enjoy my freedom? This is personal time, transition time, big big me time! I need a minute away from it all to breathe, regroup, renew and reflect on my path thus far as well as the path ahead of me. I am walking a trek of greatness, of strength and beauty. I can think of no better me time than to follow the footsteps taken by my ancestors in the desert along the mighty river. It is going to be spiritual, it is going to inspiring and it’s going to be so much fun for me! A siren retreat!

  309.  #309Millie on May 3, 2014 at 11:00 am

    FeminineWoman 305- YES!!!! haha

  310.  #310Azure Blu on May 3, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    Riley Owl,
    Thank you for this explanation about the “place that has never been hurt”…
    I feel very frightened when I think about doing this
    to open this sacred place
    expose it to the light of day
    in case it could get hurt…
    mmmm… maybe i still am not understanding???

  311.  #311Azure Blu on May 3, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    The trip feels empowering, deep and profound…
    Lovely for YOU…

  312.  #312Azure Blu on May 3, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    Wow Pixiestix
    I can’t wait to feel that….
    I feel soooo warm and excited reading about your relationship!!

  313.  #313Charms on May 3, 2014 at 1:25 pm

    Hello everyone, i am unsure of posting anything here but have received the Have the relationship you want and going through that as well as reading everyone’s post. My marriage of 30 years is over and i want to learn how to better love myself and speak feeling messages instead of harsh words and accusations. Although, the last 5 seems to be no speaking unless absolutely necessary. I am sitting here on this beautiful Saturday and wonder if i can be as you all seem to be and wish i had friends like all of you. It’s touched me deeply and i want to move on and be a more positive, happy siren that i yearn to be. I apologize if i shouldn’t have posted this here. I just wanted to say thank you to Rori and all if you for giving me hope.

  314.  #314Azure Blu on May 3, 2014 at 1:33 pm

    veronica 295….
    VERY profound
    I feel excitement for you and your art!!!

    That’s exactly what is happening to me as I
    truely, deeply
    LOVE ME!!!

    It has the wonderful side effect of
    sharing my passions with others
    without fear of their reaction…
    I know my deep knowledge and practice, of graphic design, web design, marketing, social media is VERY valuable and I Enjoy sharing it….
    Now I DON”T have to Make someone listen or agree or insist they believe as I do…
    NO… it’s a gentle sharing my thoughts and knowledge
    and me listening to their needs.!!!!
    Because gently and softly and kindly and slowly..
    MORE and more
    I ACCEPT ME exactly as I AM!!!

    Lovely Sirens…
    I am humbled by how these tools, (that Rori shares soooooo sweetly with all the world,)
    have sooo much POWER.

  315.  #315Azure Blu on May 3, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    Millie 302,
    I feel your sireny, powerful, soft feminine self in all of this….
    Love it…
    I remember one of my favorite Rori tools…
    “how do I FEEL when I”M with him” NOT how HE feels about me!

    i see you doing that when you say
    “He probably isn’t the man for me, and I may not be the woman for him…and I’m ok with that.”

    This feels AMAzing
    ” I want to feel fire with a man, to light his and he light mine.” YES!!! :-0

  316.  #316Azure Blu on May 3, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    Mandy 286
    I feel Soooo happy for you!!

  317.  #317Azure Blu on May 3, 2014 at 1:51 pm

    ((((Andrea)))) 284
    YOU are living proof the siren way is good.

    Alll the breakthroughs you have shared
    Alll the closeness and intimacy you have now with YOURSELF and those YOU choose to let in.

    I too have noticed none of my friends have embraced the Rori tools…
    I still share the tools when they have a problem or ask my opinion…
    Sometimes they listen and even try it… 🙂
    But THEY have ALLL noticed
    a difference in ME…
    and really to ME
    that Is the BEST!!!

  318.  #318Kyla on May 3, 2014 at 3:07 pm

    Andrea, that’s why men crave a soft, feminine siren like you. There are few women out there who will let them step up and be a hero.

  319.  #319Kyla on May 3, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    When I was going to bed last night I saw an email from Ninja that he was on his way home, sounds like I have a busy wkd, he had laundry to catch up on and he hoped I had a great one. I thought wtf did he just blow me off for laundry???

    I responded- Thank you.. and I feel sadness in my heart. I miss you. Will I not see you?

    This morning he’d responded saying of course he wants to see me, he blew off his cousin to get back to me but with all I said I was doing he thought I was too busy and he’d call me at lunch to see what we could do (big deal as he doesn’t like speaking on the phone). I feel awesome for being honest. He’s coming over to cook some of the fish he caught for us.

    Oh and I’m going to be in a calendar with my new rescue kitty 🙂 How cool is that?!

  320.  #320Kyla on May 3, 2014 at 3:19 pm

    Oh and Ninja invited me to 3 family weddings coming up. He said he wanted to ask for a while but was afraid I’d freak out at meeting everyone so soon. He’s looking forward to dancing with me 🙂

  321.  #321Rori Raye on May 3, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    Charms, welcome, and you posted just right – just go with the most current post of mine – that will keep in the conversation…also – you now DO have friends like all of us! If you can, consider getting at least a bit of private coaching to help you through this transition…all the Certified coaches are amazing and affordable. Love, Rori

  322.  #322Dominique on May 3, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    Hello Charms ~ 🙂


  323.  #323Tereana on May 3, 2014 at 4:16 pm

    Millie (285), yay, that’s awesome!

    Thank you for the birthday wishes, ladies 🙂

  324.  #324Andrea on May 3, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    318 and 317 Kyla and Azure…
    hmmmm now I feel very contemplative about what you’ve said. So right, being unique among women of my same age group is actually a positive isn’t it? The more I allow my softness and tenderness to shine the more puzzled these women will be… “Why are the men choosing her?”

    I feel in such chase mode tonight. I want to go out and get. Go Out and Get!!! Ugh. I feel annoyed and uptight when I get like this. I want to have intense sex with someone and I feel pent up and impatient because I know I could call any number of men up and “avail myself upon them.” And I would have a short term release. But I know from experience, I never really get what I’m after and I always feel ick afterward.

    How to calm those intense energy surges down???

  325.  #325Tereana on May 3, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    Andrea (284), what an interesting conversation. I thought for sure that the younger woman would be the different one. But it all comes down to belief, in my view. If those older women don’t *believe* that men are out there who want to give to them just because, then they won’t see it even when it does show up. How do they know the men “expect” something in return? Maybe they are putting on internal pressure, just by making an assumption. When they could make a different assumption: regardless of what the man expects or wants, the woman is not *obligated* to give him that.

    I look at men paying for dates this way: the men desire the pleasure of my company. If you want to make it can exchange, if say that they pay in order to compensate me for my time and attention, and to express gratitude to me for sharing that with them. There is nothing unbalanced about that. If I were to then go sleep with him or make out with him because I thought I “owed” him, then I would be on the losing end of that stick…or “stick” :-p

    Plenty of men these days just WISH women would let them do stuff for them. Men feel emasculated all the time because the don’t feel needed or useful in a woman’s life. And that is something that really turns a man on. Even sex, when in this mindset, is something he “does for” the woman, not something she “gives” to him.

    So don’t worry, Andrea. It’s okay to defend an unpopular position. It does not mean you are wrong.

    And how about this: do you think maybe there is a reason those older women are still single? Just sayin’…

  326.  #326Millie on May 3, 2014 at 7:49 pm

    Something must be in the air ladies…I feel SUPER sireny this weekend!!

    The other night when I was drunky drunk, I met this guy that plays stand up bass in a band I like. He recognized me from his shows and approached me! I’d always thought he was cute, but I think he may be too old for me….and also bald…but I gave him my # and he called me today!

    Last night I ran out of coffee and asked my neighbor if I could borrow some. He offered to make me and my friend coffee and brought them to my door in two mugs! I thought that was super sweet!! Oh I love being a girl sometimes!

    Then today, I was at Trader Joes with a friend and we were getting ready to put our groceries in the car, when this man swoops in on his bicycle, all decked out in his cycling gear. I had seen him in the store. Anyway, he swoops in and says to me: “Hi, I think you are so gorgeous, I just had to stop and come ask you, will you let me take you to coffee?” Wow! I was floored, of course I said “I’d love to!” Couldn’t think of anything sassy in the moment…

    Then there is this dance teacher that is pretty flirty with me. I had my first private lesson with him today and he complimented me alot!! I actually felt uncomfortable, not with him, but in the environment. It was a house with not a real dance floor and he played music using his phone. I felt weird, but later he explained that he charges more to students who he teaches in a studio space. He’s a good teacher and I like how he flirts, but at the end I felt pressured into committing to more lessons. I told him I wasn’t looking to invest in private classes, meeting him was an opportunity to try it and that I have to consider my finances. He called me after the lesson and left message inviting me to something on Friday and wants to add me on Facebook. Honestly, I kind of like him….I like how he flirts, but he’s a teacher so it may be part of a “buy more lessons with me cuz I’m so charming and keep complimenting you” thing.

    So happy to be out of my man drought ladies! yee-ha!

  327.  #327Cupcake on May 3, 2014 at 9:14 pm

    253 Debi,

    I sense tour bewilderment, and I feel bad that you seem to be struggling to find where Rori’s tools aren’t doing for you what you have been expecting them to.

    You mentioned that people always tell you that you are someone it takes a long time to get to know.

    I’m going to take a guess at what the disconnect may be, and I hope that you will write more so we can discuss this, both you and I, and bring more of the Sirens into the discussion.

    Talking about feelings only works when we are actually feeling that feeling. Like, actively feeling it, not thinking about feeling it. The image I get is having the feeling wrapped around you like a thick fur coat with the collar turned up, that you are snuggled into and proud to be wearing. (PETA, forgive me for that image. It’s not a real fur coat, just the idea of one.)

    If you are someone who holds her cards close to her chest, someone who stays in her head a lot, then talking about feelings would feel weird to the person you are talking with. Your words would imply an openness that your body and spirit might not convey. If, as you say, people look at you like you’re nuts, this may be the case.

    Does any of that strike a chord with you?

    I am sorry about the job situation. That must have felt a bit brusque, being told that you weren’t liked. And losing the job. Ouch.

    As for that message from the guy, why don’t you respond by saying what you are feeling,as an experiment. It sounds like you felt puzzled. Say that. “I feel puzzled by the message I received from you. I wanted to take time to think about it, and I have, and I still feel puzzled. It feels like an invitation to physical intimacy more than anything else, and I feel weird about that. Weird and puzzled. What do you think?”

    Please write more. I think your message got lost in the sea of messages, and that just happens sometimes, to all of us here.

    Wishing you well,


  328.  #328Cupcake on May 3, 2014 at 9:20 pm


    After I wrote that, I saw that Rori had answered you. Her coaches are wonderful! I have talked to several, and all of them have helped me tremendously. Amazing women with fantastic training.

    Please keep us posted on the board too. We are all learning these things together.



  329.  #329Indigo on May 3, 2014 at 11:50 pm


    There are some super ideas on this blog from the ladies on how to love yourself and take care of yourself and take care of your feelings. It’s been an invaluable resource to me.

    We are all your friends, so stick around 🙂


  330.  #330Indigo on May 3, 2014 at 11:54 pm

    I feel so excited to start my jewellery business.

    It is all going to be fantasy-type stuff… pieces which spark the imagination and get you thinking about fantastical ideas or characters or stories.

    Stories, fantasy and fairytale stories especially, are such a huge passion of mine. Through my business I want to find a way to bring these elements into the lives of other people, and want to extend this to clothes and décor as well. I feel my heart swelling with energy and enthusiasm 🙂

  331.  #331Veronica on May 4, 2014 at 2:05 am

    Azure Blu – 314 – Hi! : ) I saw your message and I feel soooo good. Big grin. Because your words are opening so much up for me – for example that sharing your passions without fear of rejection is a SIDE EFFECT of deeply loving yourself – yeah I’m feeling jumping out of my chair excited about that. With that fear gone – wow! And this is what I have believed about how being in the world should be for a long time, mostly for myself:
    “Now I DON”T have to Make someone listen or agree or insist they believe as I do…
    NO… it’s a gentle sharing my thoughts and knowledge
    and me listening to their needs.!!!!
    Because gently and softly and kindly and slowly..
    MORE and more
    I ACCEPT ME exactly as I AM!!!”
    No need to apologise being passionate about what you love anymore – that what I think about when I read your words.

    Oh and I so want to share with you and the sirens how in choosing to love myself I also recognize that I have been doing some loving on myself already but didn’t feel proud of it because I hadn’t accepted myself completely. It’s as if that previous loving now has more dignity and I don’t feel as constricted as I used to. (A kind of ‘it was always there’ moment – swoon)

  332.  #332Veronica on May 4, 2014 at 2:07 am

    Millie – 326 – This was so good to read – I do enjoy knowing about these sudden turns. Yay to you!

  333.  #333Veronica on May 4, 2014 at 2:08 am

    Hello Charms : ) You’re so welcome here and the sirens are amazing. Now I’m starting to feel teary about how beautiful this blog, my heart’s expanding.

  334.  #334Veronica on May 4, 2014 at 2:09 am

    *blog is

  335.  #335Veronica on May 4, 2014 at 2:09 am

    Indigo – yay and your energy – wow, it’s giddy. Good luck with your business!

  336.  #336Indigo on May 4, 2014 at 2:10 am


    It’s time for me to practice the art of lovingly letting go.

    It’s something I’ve struggled with in certain situations, and this is neither good nor bad, it is just something I need to practice.

    Resisting judging myself about it has been difficult, but again, I’m practicing being loving and forgiving of myself, being kind to myself.

  337.  #337Veronica on May 4, 2014 at 2:10 am

    Cupcake – I love your message to Debi (Hi Debi) – such welcoming kindness that I couldn’t articulate but wanted here on the blog somehow. And I learnt from your message too – lovely.

  338.  #338Indigo on May 4, 2014 at 2:11 am

    Thank you Veronica xx

  339.  #339Veronica on May 4, 2014 at 2:12 am

    I feel good

    I’ve been battling with self-acceptance the past few days – on and off again – and with that my feelings about the photos I took. Mostly it’s disbelief – ‘really? Really?’. I feel the panic of ‘quick! feel good, find proof to feel good’ and then a wiser part of me that says ‘wait, not this way, let yourself grow into this, it’s already happening slowly, no proof needed, trust and faith is what’s needed, feel INTO yourself as you’re feeling’.


    And I read Rori saying how those who rejected you didn’t know you, because who, if they really knew who you were, would reject you? In being who you are, you attract those who are drawn to your ‘you-ness’. And I thought back to all the times I was rejected and yeah, so true – they didn’t even know, most didn’t even bother to know me. Firstly, it’s just so free-ing, I could just let so many things go and secondly, I feel excited to explore my me-ness and letting it exist like a beauty that cannot be denied.

    I feel so good writing this out

    A mutual friend brought up BM’s engagement – I felt trapped and had to slowly go through my very conflicted feelings. There was pressure to behave in a specific way, the prospect of which felt icky to me, really bad feelings. I wanted to feel those feelings privately. And then I realized that there was a tension between an assumption that one owns one’s exes in some way just because that connection exists and my inward understanding that although I feel connected to him in a way I can’t understand, I am separate and do want to be separate from him. Not everything I feel privately is going to be shared and I like that.

  340.  #340PixyStix on May 4, 2014 at 6:52 am

    The man and I are sitting in some kind of new comfort zone these past days. Something has shifted. I don’t know how to describe the feeling or if there’s a word for it. It is somehow an open, yawning feeling. Like an infinite space of soft air. It feels stimulating, if not thrilling. And content. The last few times we have been physically intimate he has been making out with me and slipping me tongue lol among other behaviors I haven’t seen since the very beginning. It’s just different. There is an appreciation to it. Not just an action or fun activity. It’s almost like…A really deep, intense conversation without words. That’s the only way I know how to describe it. It’s really really enjoyable 🙂

  341.  #341PixyStix on May 4, 2014 at 6:56 am

    I feel dreamy thinking about it. The many languages of intimacy.

  342.  #342HeartBrokenMEG on May 4, 2014 at 8:02 am

    Hi ladies!

    I NEED so much help and advice.

    I have been living with L in his house. We’ve been dating for 1.5 yrs. the first 8 months were great- loving, passionate, kind, amazing. I felt so lucky.

    More recently I feel as if I’m the bad guy, making all the mistakes, creating problems. He says it’s all me. So I go to a therapist, take deoression meds, try to be perfect and never mess up. I’m worn out.

    Now he distant….. I rarely see him. He doesn’t call from work or text to say hi anymore. He says he doesn’t want to get nagged so he won’t talk to me. He barely talks to me at home. It’s one word answers. So sad. I end up crying and asking for him to just talk to me, to be my friend again, I beg him to stop shutting me outs won’t kiss or hug or touch me.

    So I got Rori’s awesome programs. Tried to lean back. He thinks I’m ignoring him. I’m not. Trying to take care of me. I’m sucking at it.

    Now I’ve been deleted off FB, removed all of our photos. He But he is never hear and doesn’t understand my need to see him. He gets mad when I ask. He can rarely talk to me without getting angry. Yelling starts… I cry. This is such a mess.
    Tells me he is out of trying, done with second chances. Once in the heat of an argument he even told me to find a new place.

    When my birthday rolled around April 28 he was sweet, calling, texting, nice dinner, sec. All of it. Next day, back to nothing. Left me completely confused and hurt.

    Yesterday when I tried to ask him for some support, he told me he doesn’t think he can. He thinks he Iis done, but yet he’s still here…..?

    But then he’s back to being somewhat nice-ish. We go workout and talk and have a good time. We rent movies and relax. But he’s across the couch. It’s not fighting but it’s not us being loving and close.

    I try, nothing works. I moved in with him. I have no furniture and no place to go…. Feeling incredibly desperate…..

    What should I do? Please help. Meg

  343.  #343CurvySiren10 on May 4, 2014 at 8:12 am

    Hi Indigo~ your new business sounds so exciting! This is something that intrigues me as well. Especially certain time eras…I love the energy and excitement in your online “voice” about this.

    “the art of lovingly letting go”~ I feel intrigued about what you’re referring to here. I hope you are okay. You sound good so I’m assuming all is well…? xo

  344.  #344Indigo on May 4, 2014 at 9:11 am

    CurvySiren 🙂

    It’s something I’ve always been deeply passionate about, stories, ideas from different times, bringing elements of that into our current lives in order to live lives rich with meaning, value and principles. Keeping the imagination and dreams alive. I believe the heart yearns for that… or my own heart does, anyway.

    Yes, I am ok. The art of lovingly letting go… it’s the final frontier for me. I know how to passionately love, I’ve always battled with letting go, even when I need to, for whatever reason. Whether it’s my brother whom I lost, or horses I have lost, or D (I won’t go over this story again, but yes for periods of time I do need to let go and I may have to let go for good one day), loss always feels like it destroys me.

    So I need to practice ways of making it easier on myself 🙂

    Lots of love to you xx

  345.  #345Veronica on May 4, 2014 at 9:46 am

    OwlCD has kept in contact – I like how this is happening. He seemed happy to be in contact, his plans for the weekend had been cancelled and asked if we could go to an exhibition. This feels good – the advanced planning and the non-pressure to meet.

    Earlier today I noticed that I winced at the thought of deciding to be in a relationship so quickly – I want a taste of what I’m getting into. I like this gentle rhythm much more. I’m on my time.

    I still don’t have romantic feelings for him. I felt this pleasant pleasure though that the consistent contact, the planning to meet is happening without much effort from me. I feel happy (as in oh my gosh I can’t believe this is happening, it was sooooo difficult with BM) that I get to practice and can sense in myself how this is becoming more easier to do and flow-y.

  346.  #346Cupcake on May 4, 2014 at 10:45 am


    Thank you for your sweet message.

    It feels like you are on a positive track of self-discovery. I like the way you recorded your thought process in the message about your working through self-acceptance.

    From your post about OwlCD it’s unclear to me — are you exclusive with him?

  347.  #347Cupcake on May 4, 2014 at 11:05 am

    Hi, Sirens-

    I am sending up a flare for human contact, like the Who’s in Horton Hears A Who- “We are here, we are here, we are heeeeeeere!”

    So far today, I’ve had minimal human interaction. Short responses to texts from friends with other plans. That’s okay. I guess I just feel lonely.

    I’m back in New City. I left, and then got called for a second interview for a cool job. The interview was Friday and the recruiter called that afternoon saying that they plan to make me an offer this week.

    I feel excited, and yet I don’t want to go rent an apartment yet until I know it’s a done deal.

    Right now I am staying with a girl I don’t know that well who was kind enough to invite me to use her apartment because she pretty much lives with her bf.

    I feel grateful for the free roof over my head, especially as I have my dog with me and not everyone would be cool with that. The apartment is really really dirty though. Which is kind of good because the cleaning I am doing for her gives me a project. (She didn’t ask me to clean, but seems grateful for the help.) It’s a little uncomfortable though, because the kitchen is swarming with roaches, and I don’t want to bring any of my stuff in from the car.

    And there are other ways it not ideal. I will feel relieved when I have a firm job offer in hand and can go rent my own place. And rejoin the gym, which I haven’t done because I am not sure I am staying and I feel wary of leaving the dog alone in a new place. He’s a perfect gentleman — I’m not worried about him doing anything bad. I’m worried that she might come how and leave the door ajar, which she does so her cat can come and go, and my dog would bolt. She is nice, and yet I wouldn’t ask her to be responsible for anything I really value. She can be a real flake. Endearingly so, but still….

    I wish I had something to say about men. I have been using the tools– They worked great in the job interviews. There is just not a lot to report.

    My phone is a Windows Phone, and there’s no Tinder app for that. I tried a substitute, and couldn’t really figure out how to be location specific. Got a lot of international people showing up, and then got bored.

    Anyway, just wanting to feel connected, so am writing to all of you.

    Sending you all good thoughts.


  348.  #348Cupcake on May 4, 2014 at 11:15 am

    Charms, 313-

    Glad you jumped in the conversation. Tell us more about what is going on. How long ago did your marriage end?

    Laura Day wrote in “Welcome To Your Crisis”- a fantastic book for anyone going through big changes – that our lives change in one of two ways- by evolution, when things gradually stop working, or by revolution, when the change was a bolt from the blue.

    Either way, change ain’t easy.

    As you know.

    Anyway, welcome to Siren Island.

    Your new friend,


  349.  #349Indigo on May 4, 2014 at 11:28 am

    Hi Cupcake!

    Wow, I hope you get those roaches sorted out.

    How great if you could look upon this all as a big adventure.

    You just don’t know what’s around the corner, or where it all will lead.

  350.  #350Liquid Light on May 4, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    I went to a meetup last night. One of the guys who was there and I ended up going out afterwards. He treated me to food and drinks, and we listened to a band. He’s cute and v smart…but he doesn’t have a car! Bleh!

    And I’m going to see boy toy potential today! 🙂

  351.  #351Cupcake on May 4, 2014 at 12:06 pm

    Thanks, Indigo! It feels good to hear from you.

    Seems like you have been crossing some cool internal milestones lately. I’ve felt proud of you and inspired by you.

  352.  #352Cupcake on May 4, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    Hi, Indigo-

    Thanks for the shout out. It feels good to make contact.

    Your posts lately have been exciting to read. It feels like you have been crossing major internal milestones. I feel proud of you and inspired by you.



  353.  #353Cupcake on May 4, 2014 at 12:18 pm


    My sister said something funny recently that I want to pass on to you.

    She said, “I used to get all sad and upset when a relationship ended, and wondered what went wrong, and if the guy was thinking of me, and all that stuff. An I don’t do that any more. And you know why? Because never once, when the heartache and recriminations passed, never once have I looked back and said to myself, “Wow! THAT was time well spent!”

    In the time honored tradition of older sisters everywhere, she was right.

  354.  #354Liquid Light on May 4, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    Cupcake, that is so exciting. Keeping my fingers crossed for you! I’m so jealous! 🙂

  355.  #355Indigo on May 4, 2014 at 12:28 pm

    Thank you Cupcake, it comes in peaks and troughs

  356.  #356Charms on May 4, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    Cupcake #347
    Thank you for the welcome along with everyone else. I have also been reading Laura Doyle on how to take care of myself. For me, i feel as if i have gone through the evolution and now am on my way to my revolution. My story is over 32 years worth and i will try and hi-lite the important turning points without drawing it out too much. Forgive me in advance if i do.
    I am married to an alcoholic that i have been with since a teenager. He has always drank a lot and it has always been an issue with me. I grew up in it and watched my dad and brother die young from it. Early on, it wasn’t that much of an issue, but i will call him G, had a brain injury in the 90’s that has affected his life on how he deals with things. He was just turning into the man to me when it happened. Things were good for us for about 6 years until i developed breast cancer. I had a double mastectomy and have had no intimate relationship with G since then. That was in 2001. He has always been mentally abusive to me and at first i would laugh it off. Now i know how disrespectful that is and refuse to accept it. My life has changed so drastically. Once the sex stopped, i asked him what happened, begged him to tell me, asked him to go to the doctor if it was him and so far nothing. Its as if he has given up and has become very bitter. I don’t take too kindly for the way i have been disregarded in this. I miss our connection but also have no feelings for him at all anymore. Mainly, because i feel as if he gave up on us. Since 2009, i have been in the spare room and i feel as if i cant continue living like this anymore. I desire a healthy, loving relationship but i also desire to be on my own. Ive never lived alone and it frightens me. I guess thats why I’m still here. Its comfortable, but miserably so. I shut my heart off to him when he told me again that he wanted a divorce. He used to say it a lot when we’d argue and I’d cry, then we’d make up. Now though, i don’t want a relationship with him anymore and frankly don’t care to even try. I did try and now i look at him in disgust and have no respect for him. He is a good hearted person and works though. I am preparing myself mentally and financially to leave him. I have a strong belief in God and my vowels for better or for worse. I am just conflicted with these i stay and be miserable for the rest of my life and not ever be able to experience a good, solid, healthy relationship with a man or do i go and struggle financially with the thought that i may never find anyone. I feel alone anyway because all my friends know him and love him. So, i am trying to stay mentally healthy in reading about relationships and not wanting to repeat this huge mistake i made while young. I know where i went wrong, but am not too inspired to even try to make it work.

    I do feel such inspiration from all of you. You all are a blessing to me and i am so grateful i found Rori and this website.

  357.  #357April Rose on May 4, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    Hello Cupcake!

    Crikey, cleaning that girl’s house sounds like a job in itself. It sounds prety stressful being there, especially as you can’t relax into doing normal things like leaving your dog at home. I wish you a new stable and clean environment VERY SOON, dear lady.

  358.  #358April Rose on May 4, 2014 at 4:16 pm

    I’m laughing now.
    I didn’t mean I wish you a new stable (although it might be nice sharing with a horse). Lol!!

  359.  #359April Rose on May 4, 2014 at 4:21 pm


    My jaw has dropped reading your last few posts, and I am wondering whether we are long-lost twins!
    I so love fairytales and all things imaginative. I’m working on some children’s stories, and filling them with wonder and colour and surprise.

    And, I always found parting the most emotional and difficult thing there is. Imagining saying goodbye for the last time to someone…. heartbreaking.
    Lately I am experiencing a turnaround. I am starting to feel the oneness of all beings, and I am a little less destroyed by the pain of loss.

  360.  #360LoveAlways on May 4, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    Having a great time and feeling full of life alternating between girl & boy energy.

  361.  #361Liquid Light on May 4, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    It feels like heaven is just on the other side of hell!


  362.  #362LoveAlways on May 4, 2014 at 5:09 pm

    And being present. It is a smoother transition for me lately. Feels balancing which feel light and fluttering in my chest but sturdy like big rocks in my feet, holding me steady to my ground.

  363.  #363Veronica on May 4, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    Cupcake – 345 – : ) Hi : )

    This self-acceptance stuff is difficult to go through sometimes – this blog helps me to sort through the mess.

    No, we’re not exclusive, in fact nothing has been clearly defined as yet. In the past I would have freaked out with no definition. Now it’s just practice for me, how this pans out I’m not really interested in thinking about. It seems really healthy for me now to be practicing with a man whose energy is coming towards me, and noticing how I feel about it. The idea of a man wanting a relationship with me now brings up so much pain in me, which I’m tired of feeling.

    I feel lonely too, when I try to think of going out, I notice a wanting to cocoon for a little longer.

    I hope your living situation improves soon. Your dog sounds wonderful – I do pet-sitting every now and again – I can’t afford to keep a pet and take care of it properly and I don’t know where I’ll be in year work-wise; so it feels good to be near them when I pet-sit (it’s more like hanging out since they’re so good).

  364.  #364Mandy on May 4, 2014 at 9:05 pm

    I read a personal story of Rori’s today and then went to Church which was oddly enough about relationships. Oddly enough, the pastor talked about everything Rori speaks of, all the lessons except that God is the stronghold, not goddessy feelings, as Rori explains.

    Could this possibly get confusing for me? If I go to this next church service and hear God is the stronghold and not goddessy feelings?

  365.  #365Daria on May 4, 2014 at 10:18 pm

    felt lotsa disappointment today

    feeling better now

    feeling excited to take walks tomorrow

  366.  #366Daria on May 4, 2014 at 10:21 pm

    Mandy – lol no you’ll be fine… hehe 🙂

    goddessy feelings = ‘powerful woman of love’ feelings which I would think God can be a support for

  367.  #367Daria on May 4, 2014 at 10:23 pm

    Feminine Woman – thank you for that Iyanla Vazant quote… i felt a sigh of relief practicing it

  368.  #368zahra on May 4, 2014 at 11:08 pm

    Hi, I am zahra and I live in Virginia, US. I just started talking to a guy on Facebook, he is really nice and mature guy and I really like him but he lives in Texas…. so can you please let me know how to win his heart, how to make him interested in myself please i need your help

  369.  #369Azure Blu on May 5, 2014 at 8:21 am

    PixieStix 340…
    Mmmmmm… i feel sooo warm and relaxed reading about this depth in your relationship…
    I need to hear how a relationship can deepen…
    I feel hopeful that I might be able to do that…

    Any thoughts on why there is this deeper conection with your bf?

  370.  #370Azure Blu on May 5, 2014 at 8:38 am

    Millie 326.
    you are THE man magnet!!
    Shine on you beautiful Siren!!

  371.  #371PixyStix on May 5, 2014 at 8:57 am


    Interesting question…I’m not entirely sure. I could guess at a few things.

    I have been actively practicing opening myself to deeper intimacy. He really is perfect to practice with because he already kind of does everything “right” in a sense. So…If I want to practice holding eye contact during sex, he’s already focused on me, eyes open. I’ve also been touching him more with my hands…All his masculine places…Biceps, chest, upper back, shoulders etc. Also smiling at him and being more expressive. It’s coming to a point where it’s all feeling really natural and not so much like practice.
    All that is just during sex.

    I’ve also been progressively being more and more myself and letting go of a lot of limiting beliefs i’ve acquired around how I “should” be, or what I “should” be doing as my part of the relationship (This includes a lot of what we are supposed to be following here as practices encouraged by rori, so I won’t get into that too much- but it works for me, so i’m doing it)
    I’ve been very *me* focused lately. Doing what I want to do because I want to do it. Being in the moment. Ummm…Un-scripting my life, if you will. lol

    As i’m writing this i’m thinking…I can’t say for sure but I think he seems to desire deep intimacy and i’m just opening myself more and more to allow that in. It may naturally flow out of him to me as I allow myself to feel fully open to it.

  372.  #372Cupcake on May 5, 2014 at 9:13 am

    364 Mandy,

    When Rori talks about goddessy feelings, what she is telling us is to let our light shine out before men (and everyone else, including ourselves).

    She is saying the same thing. The light is God. The light is love. God is love. And when we are expressing our love, we are expressing Truth, God’s truth, our Truth. Truth is Truth.

    That’s why we talk about what we are feelings. It is our truth, in the exact moment we are speaking and living and feeling the feelings in.

    My words feel lofty and theoretical as I write them, and yet what I an saying is simple and grounded and the most basic thing in the universe.

    Your goddessy self is your best self. That’s who God wants you to be, because it is who you really are. He created you as a perfect being, and you are as God created you. What could be powerful enough to change His work?

    Nothing. To imagine anything could is a mistake.

    Rori is showing us how to shake off that mistake.

    I’m glad you had the high five of going to church and hearing the same lesson. Synchronicities like that make me feel certain I am on the right path.



  373.  #373Azure Blu on May 5, 2014 at 9:15 am

    Hi Pixie
    Mmmm… thank you for sharing these thoughts…

    Interesting about “how I should be based on rori’s tools”
    I too use the tools as they work (or not) in each situation…

    I know Dominique has written in her blog about this very thing that you mention
    “I think he seems to desire deep intimacy and i’m just opening myself more and more to allow that in. It may naturally flow out of him to me as I allow myself to feel fully open to it.”

    All that you have written is SOOO helpful for me…

    I’ve noticed too the more I am able to sustain intimacy with a man…. the ones that CAN will try and go deeper…

    I will honor my energy flow…
    and allow me to take gentle, careful steps
    and as I am able to go deeper and deeper
    in intimacy.

  374.  #374Azure Blu on May 5, 2014 at 9:18 am

    Hi Cupcake 372
    lovely, lovely words…
    this is profound thank you!!

  375.  #375Cupcake on May 5, 2014 at 9:22 am

    368 Zahra,

    The best thing we can do to make a man interested is to have our own lives, our own passions outside of our interactions with him.

    The fastest way to make a man back off is to put laser-like attention on him. This especially shows up in a long distance situation, and when just getting to know someone.

    I know how exciting it can feel when you meet someone interesting on line. It’s great that you’ve encountered someone you like.

    The best thing you can do now is make a point of getting off the computer and out of the house, meeting new people and having fun in the real world. Then, when you communicate with your new friend, your energy will “feel” exciting and refreshed in your conversation with him. He will feel like he doesn’t have your full attention. That will make you more interesting to him. Also, if you are out having fun, you won’t be sitting around waiting to hear from him. They can feel it when we are, and it turns them off.

    Any Sirens want to back me up on this?


  376.  #376Cupcake on May 5, 2014 at 9:25 am


    Three weddings!!!

    He wants to show you off!!

    Sounds like a gentleman with the best imaginable taste!


  377.  #377Azure Blu on May 5, 2014 at 9:28 am

    Hi HeartbrokenMeg…
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and life
    Sharing your journeys here on Siren Island
    is a Good step in growing YOUR LOVE for YOU…
    Things sound Very difficult for you right now
    I am sending gentle, warm arms of love your way

    My journey took time
    of course I wanted my life to change
    in a Bolt of lightning
    but 1.5 years later
    I was able to take
    bigger and bigger
    baby steps to
    slowly opening my cage door
    jumping on top of my cage
    and then having to run back in…
    Now I am on top of my cage and flying
    Most of the time 🙂 anyway…
    the Rori Tools changed my life…

  378.  #378Cupcake on May 5, 2014 at 9:32 am

    374 Azure Blu

    Why, thank you! 🙂

  379.  #379Azure Blu on May 5, 2014 at 9:33 am

    Cupcake 375
    Amen siren…
    I feel inspired reading your words
    “The fastest way to make a man back off is to put laser-like attention on him.”

    growing our LOVE for OURSELVES
    is the job we must do…

  380.  #380PixyStix on May 5, 2014 at 9:36 am


    Glad I can be of help 🙂

    Rori’s tools have helped me immeasurably over these past few years. All the scripting, leaning back etc. I learned how to communicate effectively with a man, built self confidence, self awareness, self esteem. Gave myself a really solid foundation. I have learned and grown so much and have had great opportunities to teach and guide other women.

    What happened is, I experienced a burn out. I started feeling resentful towards scripting (especially) and rules, and tools, and anything at all that felt rigid to me. So I took a break, in a sense, to focus on myself and just do what I want to do.

    Not that any of this actually strays that far from “sirenity”. I still practice all kinds of things that fit the siren way.
    It’s just that I lean forward when I want, I say what I want, I use my masculine energy for whatever I want to use it for (including doing things for him) and I feel zero fear that anything I do will impact my relationship negatively or “push him away” or cease to draw him closer. At the same time, i’m not doing any of it for the purpose of drawing him closer.
    It’s all self-indulgence. It’s either a happy side effect, or a coincidence lol 😉

  381.  #381Azure Blu on May 5, 2014 at 10:01 am

    “never straying far from “sirenity”

    thank you for your warm sharing of your journey..

  382.  #382Indigo on May 5, 2014 at 10:04 am

    Heartbroken Meg,

    I don’t want to project my own situation, but I empathized with you so much as I was reading your post.

    This is all about you, all of it. And I don’t mean what you have to do or how you have to change to please a man, how you have to be perfect. No.

    This is about the glorious journey of discovering YOU, what you love, what interests you, what you are passionate about, what feels good, what feels bad. What you want, what you don’t want. Your triggers, your strength…

    In my view, that’s where 100% of your focus should lie. Of course it’s natural that you would worry about your relationship, but if possible, keep bringing your focus back to you. Off him, back on you.

    Lavish every bit of energy you have on YOU, devote yourself to your own wellbeing and happiness. Connect with supportive friends, do things that fill you up. You may find that he comes closer, or you may find that you start to feel, No, I don’t want this any more. Either way, you will be set on the right path.


  383.  #383Azure Blu on May 5, 2014 at 10:17 am

    Hi Indigo 382…
    Love Love this…
    “…this is about the glorious journey of discovering YOU what YOU love, what interests YOU, what YOU are passionate about, what feels good, what feels bad. What you want, what you don’t want. Your triggers, your strength…”
    So well put…
    Thnk you

  384.  #384Liquid Light on May 5, 2014 at 10:20 am

    Meeting up with Boy Toy potential didn’t happen. Maybe having a boy toy is not meant to be…

  385.  #385Azure Blu on May 5, 2014 at 10:28 am

    Hi LL,
    There’s always tomorrow for more boy toys…

  386.  #386Indigo on May 5, 2014 at 10:31 am

    April Rose,

    🙂 I feel even more of a kinship with you than I did before.

  387.  #387Indigo on May 5, 2014 at 10:32 am

    Azure Blu,

    This has only just become clear to me, maybe why I was able to put it like this 🙂

  388.  #388Dominique on May 5, 2014 at 10:55 am

    Cupcake – 375 – YES!!!! Spot on.


  389.  #389Azure Blu on May 5, 2014 at 11:15 am

    Lovely Sirens,
    My testimonial to
    The profound power of the RR siren way…
    I have been in an exclusive relationship with KS for 4months…
    He asked me to go with him on a cruise for 12 days (he would pay for everything)…
    he then began to pull away (not calling when he said he would, acting very abrupt, saying rude & unkind things)
    I found myself VERY broke at this time and felt it wasn’t a good time for me to go.
    He was Extremely upset… wouldn’t talk to me wouldn’t return my calls
    we had a face to face the day before he was leaving and he shared many of his concerns…
    My age (5 years older)
    My finances
    He didn’t want to live with me (I had told him when we met…Friendship and dating first but I am looking for a man who I can share a rest of my life relationship with and to live together)

    I was able to listen with an unzipped heart and stay present… we said we would think about our relationship while he was gone and talk when he got back…
    during this time i realized that he is a VERY selfish, self centered, feminine man… and letting this much time go by without getting in contact with me was not good for me…
    I was broken hearted, sad and angry.

    3 weeks went by and I hadn’t heard from him… I texted him… and asked about his trip and could we talk…
    He said he was busy and would contact me soon.
    He texted me at Easter “happy Easter” hope you had a nice easter…
    I texted back and said “Yes”
    Didn’t hear from him for another week…
    I had started CDing and
    texted him “I feel very sad that we cant talk about what is going on….
    It seems clear we have decided not to keep trying…
    I loved what we had but we both have things we weren’t happy about …. I wish you the best.”
    He immediately texted “I would like to talk what do you think?”

    (FemenineWoman had encouraged me to talk to him… as this was a great opportunity for me to practice my tools and share my truths with a man)

    I said “That would feel good…”
    He said he would call on Tues. (as the weekend I was busy)… Tues he did not call…
    He called on Friday… (I let it go to voicemail)
    He said he was sorry but he is calling now and did i still want to talk.
    We talked this past Sat…
    He has thought about everything and realized..
    He said he didn’t mean any of the things he said…
    He has never met a more kind, caring, loving person ever.
    I am the only person who makes him feel calm and that he can not only be himself but be the best version of himself.
    He loved our great adventures (dates) and sex… :-}
    Said he knew he is a very selfish man
    He said much more..
    I shared my SURPRISE… I truly thought he had moved on!!!
    Also how well we always discussed our concerns and disagreements…
    He wanted to know if we could try again…
    or at least have a date…
    I said I need to think about things…
    and that I had thought we were broken up and so I am dating someone else…
    He understood but can I let him know when a good day to have a date would be…
    I have thought about things for 2 days…
    I am VERY surprised that he was wanting to try again after all that time…
    And that I am NOT interested in getting any closer to a man who has already shown me he disappears when he gets angry, he is negative and rude to me…
    Maya Angelou says “When someone shows you who they are… believe them the first time”
    Rori says “You need a man who fills YOU up with love… NOT a man YOU have to fill up…”

  390.  #390PixyStix on May 5, 2014 at 11:45 am


    You are so obviously wonderful and you DO deserve a man who fills you up.

  391.  #391Azure Blu on May 5, 2014 at 11:52 am

    Hi PixyStix
    Thank you for that…
    I feel cared for and supported by you, dear siren…

  392.  #392Mandy on May 5, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    Pixy – 380 –

    I SO love your ideas. I am a little oppositional-defiant and have much masculine energy. Your plan sounds so un-rigid and relaxed, I love it. You are a genius! I believe I will copy and paste that post and put it in a note and save it and re-read it when I feel too rigid. Things have gotten serious with J and I, so I need to be strong but I also need to be gentle with myself and him probably too.

  393.  #393Liquid Light on May 5, 2014 at 2:17 pm


    I really appreciate what you wrote. It was so honest and courageous! So inspiring.

    And the quote by Maya Angelou really hit home. If I had heeded this warning in my last relationship, it would have saved me a lot of heartache. Lesson learned and will def try to live by this advice in the future. Thank you for sharing that!

    Good luck with KS, it may or may not be an evolving story but either way, it sounds like you know what your boundaries and know how to take care of yourself whatever happens!

  394.  #394Cupcake on May 5, 2014 at 4:50 pm


    Just saw I missed your birthday. Happy birthday!

    Hope you had a blast!


  395.  #395IamHis on May 5, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    woo…I feel shy. and kind of icky at seeing a “problem with Akismet” and moderation and all that.

    I feel so scared and vulnerable being on the blog again, but I need help.

    I feel out of touch with my femininity, and I need to practice.

  396.  #396IamHis on May 5, 2014 at 5:59 pm

    An absolutely beautiful guy has been watching me for a while.

    We go to church together. One night, out of the blue, he ran up to me, stood right there and said “hi.”

    “Hi…” I replied.

    and then…someone else grabbed me away.

    I’ve caught him staring at me several times since.

    The other night. I was just…standing around. He was watching me again.

    I felt him moving towards me and I tensed up. I don’t know why I do that but I can’t seem to stop.

    I always feel fear that I can’t explain, and then I feel regret later.

    He sensed it, and didn’t approach.

    I do this a lot, where I freeze, tense up, shut down.

    I can’t remember what I’m supposed to do to heal this.

    Does anybody have any advice?

  397.  #397IamHis on May 5, 2014 at 6:30 pm

    Feeling hot in my chest. Feeling ignored. Feels bad. Not sure why. bleeeeh. feel kinda sad and sleepy.

  398.  #398Indigo on May 5, 2014 at 9:38 pm

    Azure Blu,

    Your post was inspiring. I feel inspired by how you are taking care of yourself and looking out for yourself.

  399.  #399PixyStix on May 6, 2014 at 5:17 am

    Hi IamHis! Nice to see you back 🙂

    Boy do I feel you on tensing up and shutting down. It still happens to me (against my will lol) on occasion.

    It helps me a lot to take some deep-ish breaths (if there is lots of ppl around it’s difficult to really get into breathing but it can be done without anyone noticing). Just focus on my breathing. Consciously relax my muscles.
    I tell my anxious feelings things like “Oh hi there…I feel you. You can be there if you want, but i’m going to go about my business anyways.”. You can train yourself to exist with anxious, tension feelings. They sort of become like a shadow (in my experience). The feelings are still there but i’m going about whatever i’m doing only with the knowledge that they are there, but not so much focused on them. Like your shadow. It’s there, you know it’s there, but it doesn’t intrude unless you actively look for it.

    This has been my best practice involving such un-comfy feelings. Fighting them never worked. By the nature of anxiety (mine anyways) fighting it just feeds it.

    Hope this makes sense to you


  400.  #400wanda on May 6, 2014 at 6:11 am

    i was in a relationship committed one for 7 1/2 mos with a man i love we had a falling out and broke up but we are now friends with benifits and it is killing me because i love him and he says he don’t want a relationship he comes and stays nights at my house and i stay nights at his house but we don’t go out in public or his friends because when we broke up he turned his/our mutual friends whom were all his to begin with against me.. i don’t know why they all unfriended and blocked me on fb over him saying things aboutme when he was mad at me.. anyways now his friends don’t like me so he can’t take me to his friends. what should i do i am deep love with this man and he knows it and when i tell him i love him he just says i know..our love making isn’t even the same he isn’t passionate any longer..i am confused i am consumed every min of everyday thinking about him…help me sort this out i don’t know what to do is this man going to possibly turn his feelings back to how they used to be about me or am i just waisting time..when we broke up he said to ease pain and try to get over me he slept with a mutual frined of ours. but i am no longer her friend. i have not 1 friend and not a soul to talk to so i find myself always calling him and texting him……. help give me advise… sincerly wanda

  401.  #401Rori Raye on May 6, 2014 at 7:08 am

    wanda – Welcome – and the help you need here is the support and will to end this completely and stop all contact with this man. Please learn to Circular Date (get the ebook if you can) and we’ll help you do it. You are being used in this situation – so of course you feel horrible. Self-confidence starts when you say NO to everything that doesn’t serve you – and this man does not serve you. Love, Rori – (oh – I’ve deleted your last name for your privacy)

  402.  #402sophie on May 6, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    if there’s any ladies around help me please – sorry for jumping in mid-thread and not posting for ages – too unhappy and beat to feel able to contribute

    Right now so triggered feeling desperate – I have felt desperate a lot since meeting B – very lonely and isolated and that no amount of reaching out can help me – pure surviving

    He is still in my house though only when it suits him – I should be grateful when he’s not here but it carries the sting of rejection and abandonment with it so it just keeps me more tense and upset – he’s in a room in my house in my bed whilst I have a futon downstairs paying me a pittance, being rude, arrogant, unhelpful and at best emotionally manipulative and then he’s out doing whatever pleases him and all my focus osciliates between trying to keep my own life together and my own self okay and how much I feel affected by his presence or not presence

    I want him gone – no brainer and then no communication – just get my mojo back – but while he’s here in my face its really hard for me to pull myself together

    He is going end of the month – by police force if need be but he’s going

    I know only three more weeks i’m just having a meltdown it’s felt so intensely difficult for months and months and months – i feel exhausted, partly unhinged, definitely agitated, I wish I could escape if it wasn’t my house I would have moved out months ago

    can you help me keep going? i give all my power away to him – its one long power battle – i feel demoralised and ashamed of how he can affect me and how i can act out out of a sheer feeling of powerless rage – I long to feel at peace, have deep easy restful sleep, shine on again xxx

  403.  #403IamHis on May 6, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    Pixiestix, thank you sooo much 4 responding to me! It felt so good to be acknowledged, especially since I felt so nervous about being on the blog. Helpful advice. Sometimes I forget to talk to myself to soothe & calm down. I really appreciate it! <3

  404.  #404sophie on May 6, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    wow just reading comments is like a breath of fresh air – a complete re-orientation – it may have served me well to have stayed tuned in xx

  405.  #405Dominique on May 6, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    Keep breathing deeply Sopie, and keep telling yourself, I can do this, I can do this. Imagine the freedom and light you will feel and so soon, a mere three weeks away.

    Love to you.


  406.  #406sophie on May 6, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    Thank you Dominique I can feel it – like me again – right now I feel like I have a ton of bricks on my neck and shoulders and non-stop teary eyes – I feel all grey dirt dishwater – I can do it – I can do it – soon I will be so free – nice, easy thoughts – I wiiill feel light and breezy skirts in the summer sun and relaxed skin – no big tense frown line or rigid jaw – ahhhhhhhhh life feels good like that I DESERVE that BIG TIME xxx

  407.  #407Dominique on May 6, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    Yes, yes, yes Sophie, you have this. 🙂


  408.  #408Indigo on May 7, 2014 at 1:46 am


    So nice to see you again 🙂

    Tell you what, I feel the same way about my job, and at the end of this month I am leaving it. We can do this together 🙂

    What I find helps is to take it one day at a time. In each day, can you create moments for yourself, pockets of sanctuary, things you can do, places you can go when it all gets too much? Go for walks or runs, get out of the house, maybe take a class or find something to do that gives you joy.


  409.  #409Kyla on May 7, 2014 at 6:52 am


    Hang in there girl it’s almost over! If you can stay somewhere else or have a friend come and stay with you for support that might help? Keeping you in my thoughts and sending you much love and peace xoxoxo

  410.  #410Waterfall on May 10, 2014 at 10:39 am

    Hello Sirens and Rori,

    Could you please, explain me the difference between being vulnerable and being open? I am not native speaker and the word “vulnerable” isn’t in common use in my country especially in terms of love and relationship. I can percieve them as having the same meaning. I feel that I am vulnerable but not sure what it really is.:)) And I am sure that I am open. My problem actually is hiding feelings a little bit, it has always be a problem for me to control emotions and live in my head((. I am learning to take everything easy in girly manner now.I will really appreciate your help. Thank you in advance.

  411.  #411Dominique on May 10, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    Waterfall – These two articles may help you understand. Please let me know if you have any more questions.


  412.  #412Dominique on May 10, 2014 at 12:39 pm

  413.  #413Goddess of Love on May 18, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    Hi! Beautiful Sirens…

    I’m really glad for the blog; since I am relatively new at this don’t feel I am at the advice giving stage, but feel helpful for those comments to me.

    I’m still going out with J. He keeps telling me how much he loves me, and Rori was really right again…I probably without her advice would not have given him a 2nd date, but did and once we became more physical I got much more into the relationship. We both feel that we are having the best sex we have ever had, we are the most comfortable with each other we have ever been with anyone else – I’m 68.

    I have told him I am wanting a committed relationship. He asked me today what are we “doing”. Again I said I wanted a committed relationship, but I don’t want to pressure our relationship. I have some doubts about marriage with him for now. He had very successful jobs in sales – making lots of money over $300,000 a year. Was fired from his last job went thru a divorce where his wife took all his savings and is still taking them. He is looking for a job, he is not wanting to marry now or possibly ever – says he wants to take things really slow.

    We met on Match…we are both still on it. I’m writing others and going out for lunch dates with others, but my heart is not in it really. I’m more a one relationship woman.

    Any suggestions…thank you to all who have responded to my posts.

  414.  #414Azure Blu on May 18, 2014 at 6:38 pm

    Welcome Goddess of Love,
    How lovely of you to join the blog!!
    it takes courage and vulnerability to share YOUR story…
    To me it looks like you are doing really well taking care of YOU!! Yay
    How great to read about your exciting sex life (I’m 62)
    You are Using feeling messages,
    watching how YOU are feeling when you’re with him…
    I could be wrong… but when he asks you
    “what are WE doing?”
    Does he want you and him to be exclusive?
    He want’s you to stop CDing?