How Circular Dating Solves Everything…

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The Question:

Rori, I read all of your eblasts and such constantly, and they are AMAZING. I do have one question that I’m not completely sure how to handle.

I LOVE Circular Dating – and it’s amazing how when you’re doing it, suddenly you almost get more men that you can handle because I deeply believe it does impact your vibe 100%. You got me hooked on it 🙂

But, in the newsletter I just read you mentioned your friend of yours who was in a relationship for 5 years but got her boyfriend to propose because she remained open to other men.

Now that I think I’ve got the hang of Circular Dating, can you help me understand how – once you’re in an actual relationship with someone – a woman can remain open to other men without being a cheater?

Disclaimer – none of Circular Dating in my mind includes sex with any of the men, but, I’m planning on how to fine tune these skills for when I do commit to one man exclusively, as if I had a monogamous boyfriend tell me that he met a great woman at a coffee shop and was having dinner with her… I’d pink slip him 😉

So, how do we “stay open to other men” after we pick one we are exclusive with? Thanks as always, JeriLynn”

My Answer:

JeriLynn – this is something you could work with the coaches on for you personally on Siren Island – and my basic, ALWAYS answer is this:  NEVER, EVER GET EXCLUSIVE WITH ONE MAN, UNTIL YOU’RE EITHER SURE of HIM, ENGAGED OR MARRIED.

Yes, screaming CAPS!

I mean, what’s the point? 

I’m not even sure why we women have trouble with this idea.

All of my coaches stick by this, have stuck by it personally and get great results with their clients who stick by it.

You have total control in this!

You can’t control what he does or feels or thinks – but you can control how much of your time, space and energy you reserve for any one man.

Evan Mark Katz and I have gone around on this for year and years.

In his own life, he sticks by the idea that if his wife hadn’t committed to him exclusively as a girlfriend for the entire year and a half he kept her guessing, he would have considered that cheating and left her.

Though none of us knows what would have happened, I don’t believe that his then girlfriend EVER stopped Circular Dating!

It might not have been something blatant that Evan could put his finger on, but I KNOW his wife is super cool and never could have stayed that way unless she had a life outside of him that was more than evenings with friends or sitting home alone.

Though Evan calls this merely “getting a life,” for me, there’s a HUGE difference between hanging out with friends or sitting alone AND getting out in the world, taking classes, going to lectures, going on group hikes, hanging in coffee houses, bookstores and clubs, going dancing on your OWN.

When you go out on your own – wherever you go – you practice interacting with strangers.

You practice the Modern Siren Tools with those strangers – and most often, those strangers are men!

This way, there’s no friend to stop you when you enter a conversation with another human being – perhaps a man!

AND – I consider having a conversation with a man – anywhere – to be Circular Dating.

So – what happens when that man you’re chatting with asks for your number?

You tell him you’re seeing someone, and may you have his card/number in case there’s a change?

What happens if he suggests after acting class that you go out for coffee?

Stick with the GROUP!

And, one day, you might realize there’s no point to your holding back.  That the level of commitment from your boyfriend does NOT warrant you staying home or staying “with the group” at all.

That you CAN have a coffee date with another man, or an opera date, or an improv show date – and not feel guilty, not feel weird – and instead decide to be totally open with your man and see what happens!

You cannot be cheating if you’re totally open and upfront about it all.

It’s where you’re coming from that makes the  difference.

You cannot date other men to get back at your man, or to create jealousy – and that’s another blog post!

Love Rori

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  1.  #1Femininewoman on July 31, 2018 at 9:51 am

    AND – I consider having a conversation with a man – anywhere – to be Circular Dating.