How Evan Marc Katz’s Wife Stays Cool And Trusting

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I’ve been talking a lot with Evan Marc Katz – because I’ve known him a long time, because he’s my August interviewee for my Interviews With Relationship Experts series, and because his personal story (especially his WIFE’S personal story) is fascinating.

Given Evan’s philosophy and self-described personality, you’d think his wife would have been going crazy and seeking out my advice constantly. Instead – she’s had a solid belief in Evan and their relationship from the beginning – and used that to fuel her self-confidence and build phenomenal trust between them.

This is a comment Evan wrote on this blog post of his: http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/do-you-stay-or-do-you-go/

– It’s his description of how he experiences his wife’s “magic” (the “precious one” is their new baby!):

Question from Reader: “I know the lovely and gracious Mrs. Katz is busy with the precious one, but I’d love for her to tell us again of how she achieved that balance of being open and accepting without being a doormat.

Evan’s Answer: The lovely Mrs. Katz IS busy with the precious one, but to be clear, there is absolutely no contradiction between being open and being a doormat. As explained in every email and blog post I’ve ever written, my wife lets me be myself – all the good and all the bad.

I’m impatient. I’m a workaholic. I’m unabashedly liberal. I’m easily disappointed by friends. I’m constantly telling my wife how she can be more efficient. I am righteously indignant when the world doesn’t understand me. I offer my opinions even when I should shut up. I’m always surrounded by a group of women at parties and frequently find some attractive.

And she doesn’t judge me for any of this. That’s called being open.

If YOU think that this makes her a doormat (as I suspect some of you do), that’s your prerogative. I can assure you that we have one really unusual and special marriage. All because she focuses on my good qualities, rather than my bad ones – and, better yet, realizes that there’s NO VALUE in getting upset at the bad ones.

CAN she pitch a fit every time I need to be dragged out of my office, or lose my shit because I can’t find my Bluetooth, or spend too much time talking to a cute single girl who seeks out my advice at a pool party? I guess so. But it would only serve to heighten tensions between us, indicate to me that she doesn’t love me unconditionally, that she wants me to change, that she doesn’t trust me, and that I’m not good enough “as is.”

How is that going to help our relationship? How is that going to make me feel better about her? More loyal to her? More connected to her? That’s right. It doesn’t.

If you can simply accept a GOOD man – which I am – even though he’s got annoying tendencies, you can have an AMAZING relationship. Notice that none of my flaws included integrity issues. I don’t give her the silent treatment. I don’t intimate that I’ll ever leave her. I don’t verbally abuse her.

I pretty much treat her like my savior, which she is. As a reward, I have her full trust.

That’s how you do it, y’all. It’s either ALL trust or it’s NO trust.

ALL trust works infinitely better. And I’m living proof. I suspect many men would back me up – if they ever found a woman who would accept them as they are.

From Rori:

So here we are, now, talking about Trust. What it is, how to believe in it, how to just do it, how to feel it as real.

Trust begins inside you. And that’s trust IN you.

That’s the easiest part to understand – and perhaps the hardest to do because we’ve all been trained since birth to NOT trust ourselves.

Men so do NOT trust themselves (just as we don’t trust ourselves), and harbor so much inner guilt and bad feelings about themselves that they are VERY sensitive to the degrees of trust they feel from others. Especially from women.

As hard as it seems to understand – a woman who doesn’t “do” much for a man can either be showing a man she trusts him completely to take care of himself and to take care of her in the relationship – OR – she can be showing that she doesn’t care at all, no matter how much love she professes.

As a Siren – what you want to do here is, yes, as Evan says – let him be. You want to accept him. And here’s the tricky part:

If you are filled with anger and resentment towards him, you are essentially, truly NOT trusting him or the relationship. And so, if you keep that hidden, and under wraps, or let it jump out in all kinds of superficial and snippy ways – even if you stop Overfunctioning and “doing” in an effort to almost “demonstrate” that you DO love him – he’s going to pick up that you “don’t care.”

If, however, you are filled with anger and resentment towards him, and can express yourself easily with words he can hear, a body language he can relax into, and a mental decision to not make anything ANYONE’S fault…that’s when everything open’s up and trust gets built.

Evan is totally, 100% right in my book, and not just spouting some “man’s” point of view at women’s expense.  He’s saying – if you want a man (and before you even START loving him you want to make sure that he’s capable of loving you and meeting your emotional needs by how he loves YOU) – you’re going to have to leave him “as is.”

Frustrating as that can be…in my experience it works this way:

When you shift what’s going on inside you, and clean up the anger, disappointment and fear you feel in your OWN inner world – EVERYTHING (including a man) changes right along with you.

And that’s what we’re about here.

Being Evan’s wife and “staying cool and accepting” may sound challenging for many of us – but for his amazing, naturally super-cool wife it’s EASY!

And that’s where Evan’s incredibly helpful and valuable writing and information is crucial for us.

We can’t “get” how this “trust thing” works without understanding how a man experiences us and relationship.

Railing against that truth isn’t helpful.

Yes, the man in the boat sailing around Siren Island may not be a perfect creature, designed as we wish – and therein lies our “jobs” as Sirens.

To allow a man to be who he is and STILL trust him and the relationship so you can communicate emotionally and authentically and with utmost respect with him – that’s when a deep sense of confidence infuses you and fills everything inside you and around you with love. And then magic happens.

Then his boat stops sailing and lands at your feet.

You can find Evan and his amazing free newsletters here: http://www.evanmarckatz.com/newsletter/

Love, Rori

 

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884 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on August 4, 2011 at 9:17 am

    I would love to see her in person to see her body language.



  2.  #2Femininewoman on August 4, 2011 at 9:26 am

    I am cleaning up and am seeing some shifting in the outer world. I am trusting myself more.



  3.  #3Mel on August 4, 2011 at 10:19 am

    I signed the lease! Eeek! Mostly feeling weird, sad, a bit scared. But there’s a tiny little piece of excitement. One month to sew myself some curtains, pick out some nice new sheets in a pretty color, buy a new bed at Ikea, find some things I’ll need for my kitchen. I’ll just try to make it as much a happy thing as possible and accept that sometimes it’s going to feel bad. But hopefully not all bad.



  4.  #4Camille on August 4, 2011 at 10:36 am

    Congratulations Mel!
    Embrace this time….I know when I got divorced and was in a similiar situation I shifted my thoughts…and found it incredibly REFRESHING to go pick things for my place that were beautiful to me and that I loved without having to consider wether some one else would like it or not. I started to call my place the love nest. I filled it with things “I” loved!!! And it became my sanctuary. I feel so excited thinking about this time for you and remembering that time for myself.



  5.  #5Camille on August 4, 2011 at 10:39 am

    After reading the latest blog I find myself feeling like I can relate to men in this manner…I would love for my partner to complety trust and accept me for who I am……good and (percieved) bad LOL It feels good to think of me accepting and trusting him unconditionally and him reciprocating that trust. The image of that makes me feel warm and smiley inside



  6.  #6Lilybelle on August 4, 2011 at 10:44 am

    I love EMK.



  7.  #7Lilybelle on August 4, 2011 at 10:47 am

    3:

    I have enough excitement for both of us, Mel.

    This is the next step towards your new and exciting life of unlimited possibilities.

    So fun!



  8.  #8Mel on August 4, 2011 at 10:52 am

    I agree with EMK in principal. I think my relationship started out that way. Each of us trusting the other. Trust can so easily erode though when men (or women) stop treating their significant other like they are special. It’s easy to trust your man around other women when he shows you how much you mean to him. It doesn’t matter that he’s around other women because you know you are the lucky one that gets to take him home. It becomes increasingly more difficult to extend that trust when your man stops being affectionate, stops spending time with you and is giving you crumbs.

    I think it’s important for guys to remember that trust needs to be earned sometimes. That they can’t neglect their lady and still expect to be trusted in the same way. It doesn’t sound like Evan is neglectful in any way and that’s why his wife can trust so easily.

    Just my 2 cents.



  9.  #9Femininewoman on August 4, 2011 at 11:21 am

    RE 8 Mel I feel triggered by “because you know you are the lucky one that gets to take him home”. I’ll be honest and say it actuallys feel icky. I also feel surprised at myself for that reaction but I also feel good about me for having that reaction.



  10.  #10Mel on August 4, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Yeah, I could see why you may feel triggered by that. Of course he would be just as lucky to have such a great woman in HIS life! 😉

    Perhaps I didn’t word it quite right. I just meant that when you are secure in your relationship, trust issues are not usually a problem.



  11.  #11tinque on August 4, 2011 at 11:44 am

    And when the love and respect and mutual trust is there, neglect is not even a consideration. The taking care of, looking out for, loving and adoring is just there, not effort required.

    xxoo



  12.  #12Elena on August 4, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    i have a question and i dont kno where or how to ask it here…i really need advice and soon 🙁 please help



  13.  #13Daria on August 4, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    i dont get this article at all

    and i feel pist off from this ‘discussion’ i had with my mom

    furious and disappointed

    she was lecturing me for the third time

    first was on not putting the dishes away before i washed them

    no first it was some werid comment about why did i have mud on the front stoop – when i was asking about a broom to clean it – but why did u step in mud?

    ok then i felt bad

    thn the dishes

    thn about MY coat hanging on th thing

    she just talks to me like she’s teaching me something and i feel so angry being talked to that way

    and it would feel great to appreciate it and i dont feel it that way when its coming to me in that tone

    and i tried to brush it off but then

    she started about the umbrella not bieng dried

    and i was just like wow i dont like being talked to that way

    and SHE PURPOSEL?Y J?UST ?KEOT TALKING ?OVER ME

    like i was invisible

    so i felt pist and i just kept repeating I DONT LIKE BEING TALKED TO THAT WAY!!!!!

    ?HELLO I D?ONT W?ANT ?TO HEAR THIS

    ugh

    maybe next time get up and leave?

    i dont kjnow

    but i feel pist

    THATS WHY I ?DONT THINK I COuD HANDLE A RELATIONSHIp

    especiallyif i have to deal with a man like evan who is constatnly telling me how to improve my efficiency

    anyway i lost my control and was like I KNOW I AM NOT AN IDIOt!!!!!

    and shes like im not calling you an idiot if you feel like an idiot thats your problem

    KISS My ass is what i feel i feel like just pushing her really hard right now

    and now were lready moved on from this but i still feel pist

    and i love my pistness and my agression and my hopelessness and disappointment

    and THIS F?UCHKIN article is making me feel hopeless about having a relationship so who cares i dont need one anyway



  14.  #14Daria on August 4, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    i feel pist at rori for not being more clear in this article

    who cares what evan says help us deal with it

    like what if i Do feel annoyed being told what to do

    what if i DO feel pist to have my man talking extra to other women

    what if i feel judgemental to see him getting all ‘righteously indignant’

    those sound like the traits i know in men so good luck Daria

    no wonder so many women choose to have relationships with women

    i feel pist

    im pretty sure no one is gonna help me get this because they are not Rori so

    i feel even more pist



  15.  #15FlowerChild77 on August 4, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    Can anyone tell me how much data the ‘Toxic Men’ and ‘LoveScripts’ (dating and relationship) programs take up? How big the files are?

    I want to order, but I’m very worried about going over my data limit. Big dollars if I go over.



  16.  #16Daria on August 4, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    fine im just experiencing some intense emotions

    i love my intense emotions even though iwant to strangle myself for even writign that

    that means im healing

    i love myself anyway

    even though i feel so attacky

    im ok

    i will just keep doing this bullshit and i will start feeling fine

    actually its not bullshit i love me

    i love doing this

    i feel angry at everything and thats wonderful and i love me



  17.  #17Daria on August 4, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    FlowerChild – they are streaming programs… not downloads

    not sure if that helps cuz im not sure how the data program works



  18.  #18Lilybelle on August 4, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    ((((Daria)))))



  19.  #19Daria on August 4, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    Elena – this is a fine place to ask



  20.  #20Daria on August 4, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    thanks Lilybelle. hugs back



  21.  #21Mel on August 4, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    Thanks Lilybelly! Every bit of encouragement helps! 🙂



  22.  #22Corin on August 4, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    For me the key point here is:

    “if you want a man (and before you even START loving him you want to make sure that he’s capable of loving you and meeting your emotional needs by how he loves YOU) – you’re going to have to leave him “as is.”

    He needs to step up in such a way that I feel loved and cherished. What he does aside from that is his own business and not for me to try to change. However if he can’t love me how I need, trust will never be there. I’ve never yet found a man who can love me and mee my emotional needs that way I want. Maybe as I become better at doing this for myself, it will become easier for a man to do so also.

    I’m pretty laid back and independent myself once I’m feeling loved and so happy to leave him to do his thing. This is proved that when I’m single I’m really happy. However, if I’m feeling neglected then everything which he does, I interpret as a sign that he doesn’t love me enough.



  23.  #23Corin on August 4, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    Yay Mel,

    I believe this is going to be such a growing opportunity for you. A real chance to explore your own personality, moods, likes, dislikes.

    I found that living on my own has really brought me face to face with myself. When I have no one to blame, then if I’m in a bad mood, it’s because I’ve chosen to be in one and it’s my business to get out of it. The same for houshold chores too!

    xxxxx



  24.  #24Corin on August 4, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    Letitshine- 582 last thread

    I’m sorry if my tone came across as critical! I know I can be critical and judgemental of myself and that can come through in how I am with others. That’s somthing I am working on. I want to be gentler.

    I’ve reflected on what I wrote to you and what I meant and I really didn’t intend to say you were being too much of anything (serious or otherwise). I guess I was just thinking of how you could feel more lighthearted and fun as it came across in my interpetation that match wasn’t much fun for you currently.

    I can really relate to believing that I’ve been lead on by people in the past myself and to feeling pressure from within myself to be clear with men if I dont have romantic feelings. From the blog and some other resources I’ve been working on believing that simply my company alone is enough of a treat for men and I won’t be leading them on if I spend time with them on dates, allows them to plan and pay etc. For me leading them on would be telling them I love them when I don’t, that I see a romantic future etc. Simply staying in the moment is being genuine.

    I guess I was projecting a lot of my current learning onto your situation.

    xxxxx



  25.  #25Senior Lady Vibe on August 4, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    Hello world, sirens Rori and male dating coaches. I am thankful for free will. And the Interwebs…

    😀

    xoxo



  26.  #26Camille on August 4, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    Im feeling unheard and unseen. Ive been reading this blog for sometime now and then finally got up the nerve to start posting. I can relate to Jades feelings of “cliquey” I dont feel like this blog is necessarily cliquey but it seems I have nothing worthy of a response, comment, or I really dont know if any one is reading..so thank you all for allowing me to read your blogs I have learned much, but it would feel better for me to go to a blog with a little more interaction with people who seem to resonate with me. Thanks for all. Bye now.



  27.  #27aspiringsiren on August 4, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Camille- I kind of agree with you. seems like unless you are on here all the time and have lots of interaction very few respond. I made a post yesterday asking for some help and fw was the only that said anything. i responded back yesterday before i left work and came back this morning hoping to have some responses but found that no one had said anything. i sometimes feel like this place is not very inviting



  28.  #28Corin on August 4, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Camille,

    I feel sad that you feel unheard and unseen. I know all of us have times when a question or post is not commented on. However I’ve come to realise that is because posts come in so thick and fast, not any intention to ignore or focus only on certain people. For me, I respond to a poster when I have a resonance with my personal experience or believe I could help in some way. I do not feel that about all posts. Drawing our attention back to your question should mean you get a response.

    xxxxx



  29.  #29FlowerChild77 on August 4, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    Thank you Daria…I checked with my ISP and they said from the moment I log on to the internet everything (small or large) is counted against my data limit. Hence, the need to know how large each program is.

    It says I can check a box to get the CD as well as the streaming format. I’d still like to know, though. I really enjoy seeing her in addition to hearing her talk 🙂

    The ideal thing, for me, would be the DVD, but it doesn’t seem like that’s available. I e-mailed to ask, but it said it may take up to 4 days for a response.

    Thank you…



  30.  #30Senior Lady Vibe on August 4, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    @22: Corin says:
    “…For me the key point here is:
    ‘if you want a man (and before you even START loving him you want to make sure that he’s capable of loving you and meeting your emotional needs by how he loves YOU) – you’re going to have to leave him “as is.; ”

    Oh, yeah? 😀

    For me the key point is even “pointier…”
    And here it is ==> “…(and before you even START loving him you want to make sure that he’s capable of loving you and meeting your emotional needs by how he loves YOU)… ”

    😀

    xoxo



  31.  #31Corin on August 4, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    SLV,

    Thank you for sharpening the point. I agree with you xx



  32.  #32Senior Lady Vibe on August 4, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    @24
    re:582

    I thought you were rather sweet… and concerned… and inspiring. 😀

    xoxo



  33.  #33Corin on August 4, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    Awww thanks SLV. I love being called sweet as I have an image of myself as quite bitter and critical sometimes!



  34.  #34tinque on August 4, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    Daria – Not all men are as Evan is. K does not criticize me or tell what to do, not ever. He doesn’t even talk to other women for the most part, pretty or not, and if he does, it’s quite obvious that he’s simply having a friendly conversation.

    A dear friend and former visitor to this blog saw us together a couple of times, and I never new this or noticed it, but apparently K only has eyes for me.

    So you CAN have exactly the relationship you want whatever that means to you.

    xxoo



  35.  #35Daria on August 4, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    Flower Child – as I understand it, the “CD” just means the hard copy DVD. not a plain audio



  36.  #36Senior Lady Vibe on August 4, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    @31: Corin says:

    “SLV,
    Thank you for sharpening the point….”

    You’re welcome. I do like Rori’s phrases. I like to pull them out and look at them from time to time. That part kind of hits it right on the head.

    Hmmm, I want to trust him and it’s so much easier when I’m safely secure in being loved, cherished and adored.

    😀

    xoxo



  37.  #37Daria on August 4, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    Tinque – thank you. That does feel reassuring.

    more fears pop up, like a man that doesn’t act this way… well… i might feel bored?

    cuz im still attracted to the ones that …

    whatever

    it will all work out fine

    im feeling kinda boo hoo cuz that thing about Brazil eally hit me hard and I considered the possibility that i wouldn’t love it fo the first time

    i guess i just gotta trust my spirit

    i feel kinda let down adn very attacky towards myself

    but now i feel somewhat btter after taking a shower

    thank you daria for washing me

    thank you fro shaving my legs

    thank you for getting me st joans wort oil to shave my legs with



  38.  #38Femininewoman on August 4, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    Camille and aspiring siren I think it is only because most people stay with the current article. Posting on past articles will not guarantee a response because not everyone goes back and forth. I can guarantee you though there are no cliques. People respond to what resonate with them or to what they feel they can add value to is my experience here.



  39.  #39Camille on August 4, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    27: aspiringsiren says

    aspiringsiren…great name that is what I am. I hope I didnt come across as needing a response to every question or comment. I realize that in a blog that is not how it generally goes. It just seems to me that advice and interaction on this blog is reserved for those who have interacted before. I have been on other blogs and they seem a bit more welcoming to newcomers. I visited this blog because it was Rori’s suggestion to interact and practice and learn from other sirens. I have made several posts. And its not always a question. I just have felt that my participation is not helping myself or others. That I could just be typing on a word processor and getting just as much. I think learning from other “Sirens” is wonderful. It just seems difficult on this blog.



  40.  #40Daria on August 4, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    when people write stuff like – you’re not paying attention to me, im leaving – i feel triggered

    i judge them as being passive agressive

    hmm

    how do i really feel

    i feel like shocked and like a wall kinda hit me

    like whoa huh?

    i feel defensive

    i feel an urge to attack them

    i feel tired right now

    perhaps i need to do more of… wow im feeling neglected… this doesnt feel good im gonna leave now

    in my life

    like with my mom



  41.  #41alias girl on August 4, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    #26 & #27 Camille and aspiringsiren

    is the nature of the blog. i post a zillion things and sometimes no one responds.

    also, i no longer want to offer advice so although i may see your question, i won’t respond because my experience is that i feel AWFUL to give advice.

    if someone addresses me personally i will respond in the best way i can. hopefully with my own experience rather than advice.

    if i feel unacknowledged after spending time to offer my assistance or share my experience, i usually won’t respond to that person again because i feel bad to just dump my energy into a vacuum.

    my waterwheel FACES me. and i need to remember that.

    i know the less “needy” i am in life, on the blog, with men, with others… the better i feel.

    i post on the blog because i want to. i don’t need anything from anyone for doing it.

    if i ask a question and i feel unheard i might reask it. or ask someone specifically. or try to involve myself in different parts of the varying conversations taking place on the blog.

    it is a learning process for me too. i don’t fully “get” group dynamics or how to really feel part of without either feeling drained or invisible.



  42.  #42Senior Lady Vibe on August 4, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    @34: tinque says:
    “… Not all men are as Evan is…”

    True. Not all men are the same as not all women are the same. I am aware when seeking a man’s point of view. I’ll be getting a man’s point of view but not the view of every man. And it works the same way with women too.

    xoxo



  43.  #43Femininewoman on August 4, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    Camille also depending on what the topic is I sometimes go back to past articles and repost what I think is relevant info though I might not directly say it is for any particular person. Sorry about your bad feelings though and hope that from here on you will have a good experience. Please don’t go though there is a lot here that can help anyone and everyone.



  44.  #44Camille on August 4, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    FW
    Thank you for your input, but I have always followed the current blog or thread. And I have read the current blogs for weeks now. I dont think its cliquey. I do realize its only when something resonates with each other. But it does seem that my comments and questions are not resonating with anyone for weeks now LOL. Therefore, making me feel like this is not benefitting anyone. Its interesting to me that the first post that I have written that is somewhat negative is the one Im getting the most responses to. (interesting)



  45.  #45Senior Lady Vibe on August 4, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    @39: Camille

    😀



  46.  #46Daria on August 4, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    Camille – it feels bad to hear you feel bad here

    this blog is sacred and a journal for me

    I encourage you to use it for practicing feeling messages.

    at one time i used to actively guide sirens to use feeling messages on blog but now i don’t feel drawn to do that anymore

    i still really miss Rori greeting all new sirens

    i learned a lot from that



  47.  #47Femininewoman on August 4, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    Camille also remember that people are in different time zones. Hang in there it gets better. when I initially came I was also shocked in leaving but am happy I am still here. I have learnt so much.



  48.  #48Corin on August 4, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    Aspiringsiren,

    I’ve looked back on the last thread to see what you were referring to. I saw you wrote about a guy whom you were not in a committed relationship with, whom you did not believe was stepping up sufficiently and whom you still had strong feelings for. (paraphrasing on what I remember so apologies if you feel this was misinterpreted).

    I have no idea if this will be helpful for you or not but my perspective:

    If a guy is not stepping up then he should not be even in our headspace. I have seen Rori write somewhere that when a man is not treating us how we want and we still want him, then wanting someone who does not meet our needs is the problem and not the man. The solution to this problem is to love ourselves more!

    Are you CDing? I am learning that whenever we feel bad with regards to what a man does, we should express that in a non blaming way and then step away! Focus on ourselves, other men etc. It’s then his perogative whether he takes on board your concerns or does not, We cannot make a man do what we want. I recently broke up within someone I was exclusive with and who was talking marriage, kids etc because I realised I was not feeling happy and when I expressed this to him, he was not stepping up. It was then my responsibility to walk away and take care of myself. To remain, waiting for him any longer would mean I was not taking responsibility for appreciating how wonderful I am and how much love there is out there in the world to recieve.

    Hope this helps in some way xxx



  49.  #49Daria on August 4, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    i wonder if the reason theres more responses to this post is taht you used the words “i feel unheard and unseen” and people FELT and heard that and responded.



  50.  #50Daria on August 4, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    oops i realize i made a mistake

    i shared what comes up for me as a judgement and i had decided not to do that any more because i saw someone else share their judgements it and felt triggered and saw how it does not connect or feel good

    i apologize Camille



  51.  #51Daria on August 4, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    i apologize Daria

    back on our horse!



  52.  #52Daria on August 4, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    i feel bummed and lonely

    i wonder if its that i havent been sleeping well due to jet lag

    or is it that my hormones want a boost

    or is it that my gut flora is not sufficiently rebuilt yet

    hmmm



  53.  #53Corin on August 4, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Camille,

    It would be helpful if you told us what you wanted discussed here in this thread. Also, is feeling unseen and unheard a theme in your life generally? I believe dynamics and vibes we carry in the ‘real world’ are likely to continue here and so can be explored for our learning. I view this blog as being in some respects like virtual group therapy and so all feelings, positive and negative, feeling heard and unheard can be really useful for my development. Hopefully this is a safe space to explore.



  54.  #54Daria on August 4, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    i wonder how i can heal this depressive state

    i know, taking a walk tomorrow!



  55.  #55Daria on August 4, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    Corin you rock 🙂



  56.  #56Senior Lady Vibe on August 4, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    Speaking of Brazil… sometimes I hum this when I’m walking in the neighborhood.

    Astrud Gilberto and Stan Getz: THE GIRL FROM IPANEMA – 1964
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJkxFhFRFDA

    xoxo



  57.  #57Corin on August 4, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Ooops, I’m feeling nervous and anxious to have likened this blog to a therapy group. We are not each others therapists but I do feel that therapeutic healing can occur in the dynamics.



  58.  #58Corin on August 4, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    Awww thanks Daria! I feel warm, tingly and appreciated xxx



  59.  #59Daria on August 4, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    how can i absorb energy that feels healing?

    how can i embrace what feels icky?

    i love me

    i love my tiredness
    ‘i love my desire to continue computering



  60.  #60Daria on August 4, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    thank you daria for putting my razor in alcohol

    thank you for spraying medicinal spray on my healed wound

    thank you for brushing my hair

    thank you for thinking about taking off my nailpolish

    thank you for thinking about washing my hairbrush

    thank you for brushing my teeth



  61.  #61Daria on August 4, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    thank you for rubbing my feet with salve



  62.  #62Lilybelle on August 4, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    46:

    I have read some old blogs where I saw that (Rori welcoming) in practice and thought it wonderful and felt it was a bit of a boost to the new Siren’s healing process.



  63.  #63Lilybelle on August 4, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    57:

    I agree, Corin. This blog has offered me much healing but before healing, had to come some things that were triggered inside of me. I had no idea what I was in for when I found this blog.

    I am grateful to have found it and feel very happy that I didn’t leave when I felt unseen or unheard.



  64.  #64Mel on August 4, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    SLV
    “Hmmm, I want to trust him and it’s so much easier when I’m safely secure in being loved, cherished and adored.”

    Exactly. 🙂



  65.  #65Lilybelle on August 4, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    #26 & #27 Camille and aspiringsiren

    I am also going to pipe in here and give you my two cents, even though you didn’t ask me specifically. 😉

    I have at times, especially when I first arrived, unseen and unheard but I also was in a deeply hurt and emotional place and so, what I perceived as being seen and unheard had more to do with me and where I was at then it did with the blog. As I began to heal the heartache, I began to view things differently and finally learned that we are all in different places in our processes here. FW was there for me as well, as was SLV initally. And I can imagine that what was happening to me, was a big triggerfest for some.

    Some things a siren may be experiencing may be too triggering so we may not want to delve into that yet, for any number of legitimate reasons.

    Or maybe I’m tired..or crabby, or on my way out the door or any mirad of things…For me, it is never anything personal.

    I hope you both decide to remain and join in.



  66.  #66Mel on August 4, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    RE: 4

    Thanks Camille!

    I know… that’s the part I’m excited about. I want to buy an old table and paint it or make a cool mosaic tile top. I want to paint some flower pots and put some pretty plants in them. I want to buy some nice bedding in a pretty feminine pattern…. I have to focus on these little snippets of excitement and hopefully that will build to some more things to be excited about.



  67.  #67Camille on August 4, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Mel,
    Aww–yes! Those are just the kinds of things that will make you feel loved, free, fresh and new. Every one around you will be wondering what has happened. And it really is so much fun to decorate and do things that you really love and you wont give a sh– what any body else things or if anyone else likes it. It is so fun fun fun. I also went through a real “trash to treasure” period because I didnt have much extra money. I even had a friend come over and say where did you get that darling china cabinet. (I had bought it at her yard sale pulled off the dated knobs and repainted it) LOL I learned so many skills I never knew I had and I ate when, what, where, and I slept when, what, where….it was so exciting and fun. I still sometimes miss certain aspects of when I was single, even though it wasnt where I wanted to stay……….Have the best time!



  68.  #68Jade on August 4, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    I’m glad Camille brought up the ‘clique’ subject again. It feels good to see I’m not the only feeling that way.

    I don’t feel guilty about feeling that way.

    But…

    It’s something similar to EMK’s blog post up there; why should my perception of this blog trigger feelings such as those that are described here? How would the way I see things change anything in the way things are here???

    So…

    I’ve decided to post when I feel like it for a while and see where it leads me. I’m not leaving yet.

    Camille, if you’re reading this, I think you should stay too.

    I’m sure there is a way to all get along.

    I don’t know if this making any sense. I’m just saying that I will read and share without being judgemental anymore. I will try and accept everyone for who they are, because they have something in common with me and because they are here to help others and themselves.

    This is my apology.



  69.  #69Camille on August 4, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    Jade,
    Ive been thinking about it……and I probably feel that way because I came to this blog with expectations. I had expectations of interacting with other sirens and learning how to use the “tools” and possibly getting some answers to questions about Rori’s work because obviously she can not answer them all. My expectations were high because I was excited about all I was learning from Rori’s material. And I wanted suggestions when I posted my current situation and experience. I didnt mean to judge was judge stating my feelings at the time. But since I whined I seem to be getting what I asked for….some interesting exchange and conversation…Thank You



  70.  #70Mel on August 4, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    “I also went through a real “trash to treasure” period”

    That’s what I’m thinking too. I don’t have a lot of extra $, I’m pretty crafty, and I’ll have a lot of time on my hands… so why not have fun making something pretty? I learned how to make milk paint and want to look for some cool old wooden furniture to re-do. I’m also into mosaics and talavera type tiles, so I’m sure I can come up with a cool tiny kitchen table.

    You’re not single anymore? Are you remarried?



  71.  #71Lilybelle on August 4, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    Off for CD #2 tonight.

    Mexican and Margaritas…And me, Oh So Goddess-y..

    😉



  72.  #72GingerSky on August 4, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    #12 Elena, did anyone ever respond to your need to connect on something here…? Anyone in communication w Elena on this?



  73.  #73Mel on August 4, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    Jade,

    “why should my perception of this blog trigger feelings such as those that are described here?”

    I think it’s more that sometimes we can project how we’re feeling inside onto others and attribute that to them, but it’s really us.

    I think it was Emerson that gave me an example of her mom being scared for her to do things, but really SHE was just scared so she thought Emerson should be.

    There was a funny analogy a while back about a big movie projector beaming out of my forehead, projecting things onto my husband. The “off” switch is my nose, BTW. LOL.



  74.  #74Mel on August 4, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    Yum Lilybelle! I LOVE Mexican (the real stuff)! Have fun! 🙂



  75.  #75GingerSky on August 4, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    #41 AliasGirl I see that you’re feeling bad bc it seems you are offering your advice & care-energies into a vacuum… but I have to share that I get TONS of life-saving help from things sirens say on here that are old, or never responded to… maybe your advice is a time capsule and it’s coming out of you for some future person or future moment…? It feels good to me to get the dynamic of a response from others… feels like validation, uplifting, hug, like I’m real and not actually sitting here in my life all alone (which I am in many ways, almost)… but your advice may go to a really good place for someone, and you may never know it. It feels bad to me that you will stop your advices. I have liked and benefitted form some of it – my internet connection is slow so sometimes I only read bc there’e literally *no* time for me to do otherwise here. Hugs 😉



  76.  #76Camille on August 4, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    Mel,
    #70
    well dear Mel, I have been single and remarried several times LOL alot of experience from life lessons LOL I am currently re-united with my last ex-husband. We will see where that leads. Our break up was more about location of our children than our love for each other. So I have went through being single after a marriage three times! But I got really good at cherising the moments that you are now experiencing……….not even lying there were some of the best times of my life! I remember them with a great smile, it takes a minute to get past the hurt and get that place.



  77.  #77Corin on August 4, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Wow now I’m feeling triggered because I perceive that I have given time and consideration to all three sirens (Jade, aspiring siren and Camille) in posts to them and have not recieved any reply. I know that I have not always replied to comments on my posts when I have been caught up in other conversations so I have done this to others as well.

    What is the learning for me? I’m feeling energised, angry. I know anger has deeper feelings behing it and i believe they are anxiety and embarassment. I’m tempted to go into victim, poor me but I know that has no learning and is false. I know in my life I give to get, try to be nice in order to manipulate others into being nice to me. I would prefer to enjoy giving and release the desire to control the other person. Trying to control is not loving. It is the opposite of loving.

    I responded to all three because I sensed sadness, in need. I respond to people when I sense that, out of a desire to ‘rescue’. I tried to rescue all my previous partners. I can’t rescue anyone, not even in my work.

    The only person I can rescue is me. It feels easier to try to rescue others because then i can carry on ignoring me. Then if i ignore me, I can blame the other person for ignoring me! Ahhh. It’s then not my fault for not loving myself.

    In future I’m going to monitor my motivations in reaching out to another siren more closely and if it comes from a place of trying to rescue or to get a response back, then i will hold back from posting for a while. I will focus on loving myself for a while first.

    xxxxx



  78.  #78Corin on August 4, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    Actually the feelings were more shame than anything else. I’m loving my shame. i’m not ashamed to be me and I’m not ashamed to rescue myself, even in such a visible way as this.

    I’m going to learn to be proud of rescuing myself.



  79.  #79Corin on August 4, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    Oh and jealousy! I’m jealous of anyone who speaks up to say they feel unheard and unseen as if I did that it would bring shame on my parents for how neglectful they were and on me for being unloved. Lots to heal here. How wonderful



  80.  #80Ella on August 4, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    Hey Siren Island,

    Well… I just said No to getting high and drinking and parting with my housemates downstairs.

    They had been to the pub (I had been on a CD) and I got home and they invited over the local dealer and a few friends and now they are partying.

    I had made a decision not to get involved in anything like this at the moment and it felt weird being around them and not being involved.

    I did feel strong temptation a couple of times but I thought about what I really want in my life, and my work and social plans for tomorrow and I just decided not to get involved.

    I felt a bi boring and grey compared to them as they had fun and messed about and were generally loud and over the top and I felt like a dull prude in comparison.

    And I love my dull prude.

    And it all looks so glamourous and fun… but I know where that path leads… and I want to try something else.

    So now I am upstairs in bed typing on here whilst they are downstairs having a party.

    Feel a little weird but ok.



  81.  #81Mel on August 4, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    Good for you Ella! 🙂



  82.  #82Ella on August 4, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    Well my CD tonight was Mr Landscape Gardener.

    He is ok. Don’t really know him that well yet.

    He is kinda cute.

    And VERY masc energy.

    But yet he works a lot.

    I made sure not to say hello first and that felt good.

    He said I looked nice. We went to the park and then the beach. It was nice. We sat on the beach and then we laid and looked at the clouds and the stars.

    He cuddled me.

    He has big strong arms 🙂

    I practiced leaning back whilst being open, listening at level 2 and FMs.

    ON he way home in the car I suddenly felt nervous, insecure and unattractive and I felt a bit panicky.

    Would normally start talking to cover up but I decided to start riffing internally and tracing feelings in my body instead.

    I looked at my hands and my legs and they didn’t look that pretty but I practiced sending love to them anyway.

    And then suddenly he reached over and grabbed my hands and started holding them and stroking them.

    And I suddenly felt a lot better.

    Kept reminding myself to relax.

    When we got home I determined to just sit and let him lead.

    So I did and it felt like we sa there for a bit and then he looked at me and asked if he could kiss me.

    I said yes.

    And he did.

    And I practiced receiving and relaxing (myself and my lips/tonque). Then I let myself melt a bit.

    I felt shy and I wanted to pull away a few times although it felt nice and I stuck with it.

    Then eventually I pulled away.

    He asked if I wanted to be walked to the door and I said yes.

    It felt like a good practice date and I feel hopeful about the men who are showing up now.

    Feel ok / kinda just ok in a good way.



  83.  #83Ella on August 4, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    Thanks Mel

    🙂



  84.  #84Ella on August 4, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    Thought about J a coulple of times whilst I was on my CD… hard not to compare, but also not comparable.

    With J I feel so alive, pining, wanting, longing, passion… its potent.

    With my CD tonight, it jus felt ok and kinda nice but not like a strong pull.

    Is weird to describe… it wasn’t unpleasant… in fact it was quite nice, I just don’t want him in the way I want J.

    But then J is really nothing that special (well except his soul I somtimes think) but I mean in terms of where they are at in their lives and what they can offer me, and today’s CD is like streets ahead in what he can offer me, as well as stepping up at the moment where as J has poofed.

    There is a lot to be said for actually being here.

    Ummm, and he has nice arms 😉

    So why do I get so hooked on J?

    No man belongs on a pedastal and I annoy myself with how I think/feel about J.

    And you know just when you meet someone who seems really special to you?

    But maybe he just triggers certain feelings IN ME.

    Maybe he is just another human being who happens to push my buttons in a certain way AND it just so happens he also can’t step up for me and I don’t feel good consistently with him.

    Might not sound like it but I am diminishing him (J) and fading him to grey… I just wanted to explore the contrast here.

    I just can’t figure if I am drawn to J cus he is my brand of toxic, or if it is cus he has such a lovely spirit?

    I suppose it doesn’t matter. If he does not fit the criteria of being totally besotted with me AND stepping up consistently then he has to go in the bin.

    Sorry poor J – you lose.

    But you know what, I appreciate what ALL these different men bring me.

    Its all good.

    🙂



  85.  #85Mel on August 4, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    Hee hee! I’m chatting with a cute guy on Match. This is fun! 🙂

    Of course I’m terrified of actually meeting anybody, but chatting is a little baby-step to help change my vibe. 😉



  86.  #86Starla on August 4, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    Ladies, I am feeling sooo strange.

    I heard this unique song this morning that moved me on the inside. i felt flustered and twitterpated and i could feel myself blushing. i couldn’t control the reaction. it was like a euphoric anxiety all over. but then it stuck with me. and i feel overwhelmed. the feeling is stuck there, and it’s not “bad” but it doesn’t exactly feel good because i have never felt this way before. but something tells me this feeling is something special and i could do something with it, i just have no idea what.

    I hope that makes some sort of sense.



  87.  #87DE on August 4, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    yes, the post feels weird to me…not really like Rori…:(

    it appears more like a marketing strategy to rub each others back…i rather hear EM*K’s wife blog with us and express her feelings…rather than hear him “assume” how she feels about their relationship…



  88.  #88DE on August 4, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    Gosh, it just hit me….Rusty sounded kind of like E*MK…he, he…what if???



  89.  #89Lilybelle on August 4, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    85:

    YAY!!!!!!!

    Damn, girl. I am proud of you.



  90.  #90Turtle Girl on August 4, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    Does Evan’s wife have a name? Does she speak for herself? This post feels weird. Marketing for other dating coaches?

    I get the “cool girl part” but this post is icky. Feels like Evan is almost “bragging” how he can do whatever he wants and “wifey” will stay cool. Doesn’t feel good.
    I never have liked the vibe of EMK.



  91.  #91Mel on August 4, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Thanks Lil! I’m going for the pretty girl with no photo strategy.

    I got an email from a cute one that said “Wow, bees? That totally blows my mind! You are already the most interesting person I have ever met : )”

    Hee hee this is fun! 🙂



  92.  #92Femininewoman on August 4, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    Jade I find it interesting that you end your comments with “this is my apology”. Do you normally have any resistance around saying “I’m sorry?”



  93.  #93Femininewoman on August 4, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    RE 91 Imagine that and he hasn’t “met” you yet.



  94.  #94Mel on August 4, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    Re: 91

    Yeah… funny hey! LOL



  95.  #95Lilybelle on August 4, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    91:

    Very nice! And, that’s exactly how you should be feeling. (Please remember to remind me of that when the time is right; you will know when…lol)



  96.  #96Mel on August 4, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Mostly I’m just feeling amused by all of the attention. 🙂



  97.  #97Lilybelle on August 4, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Date #2 of the week went great. Cripes, I don’t even remember what I named him but it wasn’t ProFishingDude….that was last night.

    Another guy I normally wouldn’t have looked at. Killer sense of humor (BIG for me) and killer eyes. He was playful and funny and we genuinely had a good time.

    Date #3 for the week on Saturday with tonights CD. I already got a text telling me how much fun he had and how much he is looking forward to Saturday.



  98.  #98Femininewoman on August 4, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Elena did you see Daria’s response to you in 19?



  99.  #99Lilybelle on August 4, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    96:

    Not a thing wrong with that at all!!

    Soak it up. I’d probably roll around in it a bit.



  100.  #100Femininewoman on August 4, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    About 2 to 3 months ago Rori had indicated in one of her comments that her “Interview with Relationship Expert” for August would be with EMK. I remember because I get them and I thought eek not sure if I want that one because I had found his tone so harsh. Like with other experts, what I have noticed is that she puts up an article here before the interview goes out. Like the ones with Susan Quinn and Greta Hassel. I am not surprised to see this article around EMK (or his life) at this point in time.



  101.  #101Femininewoman on August 4, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    Mel I think I have seen Rori write that even when you are married you should still flirt. I have seen another coach recommend to married women to flirt with their husbands. It helps them to feel masculine in some way is what I understand. Maybe it is because of vibe, I don’t know but take I would encourage you to notice how this flirty causes you to feel turned on and excited about life.



  102.  #102Mel on August 4, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    Wow Lilybelle, you are sure CD-ing up a storm! You’re a rockstar! 🙂



  103.  #103Mel on August 4, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    101:

    Thanks FW! Good advice!

    In my marriage I think feeling rejected was preventing me from wanting to flirt with my husband. Sad. I really do like to flirt! I think I’m a bit of a tease! LOL 🙂



  104.  #104Femininewoman on August 4, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    Just a thought…… Flirting can be as simple as a smile. I am just thinking if it is me just being me and sharing myself should I give a fluke about how the other person responds to me? If they don’t respond in a way that I would expect I am wondering if compassion is appropriate? I don’t know life is so short not to enjoy it. I know……I am rumminating.



  105.  #105Emoticon on August 4, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    Interesting



  106.  #106Emoticon on August 4, 2011 at 9:27 pm

    Honestly if i am going to accept a man “as is” i would also want to be accepted “as is” and reading his answer i just dont feel that balance. I’m not sure how he reacts to her but i just did not sense that it was a mutual thing here.



  107.  #107Brenda on August 4, 2011 at 10:02 pm

    Good night. I feel kinda discouraged tonight about men. I just want to be a wife. Can I just skip the dating part?



  108.  #108Brenda on August 4, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    Darn them boys for having penises!



  109.  #109English Woman on August 4, 2011 at 10:28 pm

    #84 Ella

    Ah yes the contrast between J and the Gardener…….



  110.  #110English Woman on August 4, 2011 at 10:42 pm

    I don’t feel good with this article, it feels like EMK has put himself on his own pedestal and views himself as the prize…………



  111.  #111English Woman on August 4, 2011 at 10:46 pm

    Go Lilybelle!!!! 😀



  112.  #112alias girl on August 4, 2011 at 10:47 pm

    talked to another POF guy tonight.

    I feel so proud of myself. i am doing splendidly. and most of my fear around this initial part of the dating process is practically gone.

    in fact, i tiny bit look forward to “practicing” now. who knew that would ever happen?

    in fact, i feel splendid about a great many things in my life.

    i feel free with OPTIONS.. GOOD OPTIONS!



  113.  #113Violet on August 4, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    Hello to all you Sirs and Sirens!!!

    Rori’s article has created the impetus for seeing Marc (and other men) in a totally different light.

    I have learned that unconditional trust and accepting a man ‘as is’ goes a long way of having men feel attracted to such a lady as Marc’s wife.

    It would be quite interesting to read from her.
    My instincts tell me that she may feel Marc’s work is something she doesn’t need to comment on.

    I feel that trusting a man and leaving him ‘as is’ may very well turn out to be a key attraction that men would flock to.

    I apologize to Marc (and other men) for thoughts and acts of ignorance.

    As the addage goes, ‘It takes two to make it and two to break it’.

    I think I’d find more men at my door once I embrace the philosophy behind trust and acceptance.

    I feel I don’t need to mention that the pendulum swings both ways. I accept that it does and have decided to leave myself open to experiencing a man ‘as is’.

    I understand that showing this level of trust and acceptance is a reflection on the trust and acceptance towards myself. I know in my heart that I am a person of integrity. I know I can be trusted. I’m working on accepting myself ‘as is’.

    Therefore, it is unnecessary to feel the need to change others.

    Thank you for reading this and have a lovely day,

    Your fellow Siren,

    ~ Violet ~



  114.  #114alias girl on August 4, 2011 at 11:30 pm

    #113 violet

    that felt so GOOD to read. it felt like FREEDOM and mmmm.

    i felt clarity when i read it.



  115.  #115English Woman on August 4, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    #86 Starla

    Maybe it’s a shift in your consiousness??

    I had a similar experience yesterday, I just kinda felt “weird” for a moment, no reason, but it kind of swept over me (and it wasn’t a hot flush LOL!) I have been doing a lot of my long forgotten “stuff” this past week, maybe we are just “getting” it?

    What do you think happened?



  116.  #116English Woman on August 4, 2011 at 11:47 pm

    After this blog of EMK I feel very uninspired to read another word he has written, maybe he is triggering something in me, but for some reason it feels like that other RR blog on “Don’t be his puppy dog doormat”………..



  117.  #117English Woman on August 4, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    #88 DE

    Well that’s interesting, because Rusty sure triggered me on here LOL!!



  118.  #118Starla on August 4, 2011 at 11:51 pm

    he kissed me for real this time, in a few real varieties, and it. felt. AWESOME! and way fun.

    also, ‘my guy’ who suddenly defriended me from facebook (without explanation) called me tonight after dropping off the face of the planet a month ago. i couldn’t believe it! i almost completely forgot about waiting around for him to decide if he wants to, you know, use his words…

    i didn’t answer because i don’t want to feel all dramatic while i rush around taking care of other people for some things the next few days, and if i’m distracted by stuff with him i won’t be able to be there as good for the people who need me.

    he didn’t leave a message or call back.



  119.  #119English Woman on August 4, 2011 at 11:54 pm

    For those of us who are scared of being on their own forever and that this is just the way things are I got this not from The Universe this morning:

    Some people think, Barb, that some things are “meant to be.”

    Meant by whom?

    Not me,
    The Universe

    P.S. Thoughts become things… choose the good ones!



  120.  #120English Woman on August 4, 2011 at 11:56 pm

    You can get a note sent to you by The Universe every day, you fill in your name and your own personal wants and voila!! It’s free.

    http://www.tut.com/resources/notes/



  121.  #121Evan Marc Katz on August 5, 2011 at 12:01 am

    As always, Sirens, I appreciate your warm wishes, what with all the “icky”, “bragging”, “weird”, “unlikeable” vibes I seem to be putting out there.

    To address your comments, I’ll say this:

    My wife is not a dating coach. As such, she is not going to be part of Rori’s interview series. Similarly, my wife is not a public figure. I have no desire to have her defend her relationship with me on this blog, as she would find it extremely upsetting.

    And if you believe that this post doesn’t sound like Rori, perhaps you need to consider why Rori would be sharing it with you. I believe it’s because, as a man, I have a different, but valuable perspective on how you can effectively relate to other men.

    Put another way: if you went to a site with a bunch of pick-up artists (Google PUA – there’s tons of them out there), you’d find thousands of men being taught by other men about how to get results with women. However, I think we can agree that the shy, unassuming men who REALLY want to relate to women would be better off listening to a WOMAN explain what a WOMAN really needs. Right?

    My job is similar: to let you know how smart, strong, successful, desirable men think. Whether you like it or disagree is immaterial. All I care about is that you try not to shoot the messenger and pay attention to the message.

    Men are all about feelings.

    Whether or not we stay with you is based how we FEEL around you.

    If you’re insecure, you don’t inspire confidence or attraction.

    If you fear that he’s going to leave and perpetually want to analyze the relationship, you suck the fun out of being a couple.

    If you’re continually jealous because you’ve been with other bad men in the past, you make him pay for sins he didn’t commit.

    If you constantly criticize him because you want him to be someone else, you unintentionally emasculate him and make him want to spend my time at work or with his male friends.

    I don’t think that you can disagree with any one of these statements. Similarly, by making these statements, I am not at all suggesting that you should stay with a man who mistreats you. In fact, my advice is even stronger than Rori’s on this. Rori tries to help you finesse things and change your guy and make things work. I simply tell you to leave him to find a man whom you don’t need to change.

    Which is why I will continue to put up with all the barbs and slings thrown my way. Because, whether you like it or not, my mission is to help you understand what makes us feel attracted, connected and loyal to you.

    The blog post above is indicative of how my amazing wife has enabled me to be the best possible husband and father – simply by being open, accepting and trusting.

    I would encourage you to do the same – not for my sake – but for yours.

    I am on YOUR side. That is why I tell you the truth about the vast majority of men. Once you’re armed with this truth, you can do whatever you want. Everyone knows you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Try treating your man in the way that makes him feel accepted, trusted and masculine, and watch him blossom into that man.

    And if he doesn’t, you know what you need to do.

    Warmest wishes and much love,

    Evan

    P.S. If you really want to hear my wife talk about what makes her a great partner – in her words – click here:

    http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/advice-from-a-single-dating-experts-girlfriend/

    I think you’ll agree that she can very much speak for herself – and that her way of handling things is extremely EFFECTIVE with men. You should try it.



  122.  #122Starla on August 5, 2011 at 12:06 am

    i am glad he called me though…i’ve been feeling bothered by the fact that i didn’t have an appropriate opportunity to tell him how i feel about him and everything ‘ending’

    which is that i don’t want to harbor any bad feelings. i just want to remember all the good. and feel really happy to run into him in our small city from time to time. and hope that he is happy and doing well. i don’t want either of us beating ourselves up. we went through an intensely rocky period together and both chose to stick around it.

    but then i realized that even if i didn’t get the chance to tell him, i could still just let it be true for myself, and live it and feel happy when i do see him.

    though i am still a little irritated that he didn’t come to me when that one random crazy guy chased me, and after i ran for my life, i called ‘my guy’ up and asked (begged) him to come, and he said no, that i made other plans (to go jogging, but i wasn’t planning on getting attacked, jesus) and so he was busy at his buddy’s house cleaning his gun.

    i really just needed his hugs. i would have felt safe again. instead i went to bed terrified of the weirdo in the neighborhood and heartbroken that my boyfriend who was always saying he would do anything for me refused to come to me tonight.

    rah! i am glad i’m recognizing i still feel angry!! i dont want to offer my acceptance and love if it’s not actually authentic. looks like i have some work to do around this one.



  123.  #123Starla on August 5, 2011 at 12:07 am

    i am glad he called me though…i’ve been feeling bothered by the fact that i didn’t have an appropriate opportunity to tell him how i feel about him and everything ‘ending’

    which is that i don’t want to harbor any bad feelings. i just want to remember all the good. and feel really happy to run into him in our small city from time to time. and hope that he is happy and doing well. i don’t want either of us beating ourselves up. we went through an intensely rocky period together and both chose to stick around it.

    but then i realized that even if i didn’t get the chance to tell him, i could still just let it be true for myself, and live it and feel happy when i do see him.

    though i am still a little irritated that he didn’t come to me when that one random crazy guy chased me, and after i ran for my life, i called ‘my guy’ up and asked (begged) him to come, and he said no, that i made other plans (to go jogging, but i wasn’t planning on getting attacked, j**sus) and so he was busy at his buddy’s house cleaning his gun.

    i really just needed his hugs. i would have felt safe again. instead i went to bed terrified of the weirdo in the neighborhood and heartbroken that my boyfriend who was always saying he would do anything for me refused to come to me tonight.

    rah! i am glad i’m recognizing i still feel angry!! i dont want to offer my acceptance and love if it’s not actually authentic. looks like i have some work to do around this one.



  124.  #124alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 12:15 am

    #121 emk “Rori tries to help you finesse things and change your guy and make things work.”

    absolutely inaccurate.



  125.  #125Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 12:25 am

    English Woman,

    RE: #110 – Yeah, you put your finger on it. It’s like, “Hey, I’m high maintenance but my ho puts up with my crap.” I don’t like it, either. Something’s missing.



  126.  #126alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 12:32 am

    i cannot locate the source of this smell in my apt.

    and it just occured to me, maybe my neighbor is dead?

    what does a dead person smell like? anyone?



  127.  #127alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 12:32 am

    i will feel SO happy in my new place!



  128.  #128Lercomari on August 5, 2011 at 12:35 am

    @Mel

    Congrats on signing your lease..sending good vibes your way for a new beginning….change can be scary but this sounds like a positive one for you.



  129.  #129alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 12:35 am

    ugh. what if someone is dead and rotting? well i will know eventually because the smell would worsen.

    BAH!



  130.  #130alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 12:37 am

    RIP.



  131.  #131Evan Marc Katz on August 5, 2011 at 12:37 am

    The only thing missing, Brenda, is your understanding.

    You really think I should subject my wife to reading “my ho puts up with my crap”?

    You really think that this describes my joyous relationship?

    You really think that I have any other agenda other than helping you relate to men better?

    You really think that the way you’re treating me here is kind?

    You really think any man wants anything other than to be accepted in full?

    Seriously, y’all. I can’t see what you gain by personally insulting me and my wife when all I’m trying to do is help you.

    So I continue to wish you the best of luck in life and love – and will continue to offer you the truth about men – whether you like what I say or not.

    Thankfully, Rori does like it. That’s why I was invited here. Perhaps you could extend a measure of courtesy to me and my wife, who certainly mean you no harm.

    Good night.



  132.  #132Lercomari on August 5, 2011 at 12:43 am

    Hi Sirens,

    Today I realized I am codependent…after typing “love addiction” into Google, I happened upon the term “codependent.” I remember in the past, someone, I think FW, asked me to consider whether I am or not. I started reading this book on Google Books “Codependence: healing the human condition” and it all sounds a lot like me.
    I feel like I should cease dating until I get this resolved. I’d like to ask you ladies’ opinion on whether I should or not. Thanks a lot.



  133.  #133Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 12:46 am

    Look at this personal ad I found! The man is looking for a Siren! 🙂

    Sensual seduction sicnerely sotught by sexy cerebral scintiallating specimen. saucy sassy salubroius sophisticated sirens specially sought.

    Ok you get the pictiure. attached mature gentleman with a head and sense of humor and not just gonads seeks similar lady – to exercise our intellect as well as our libidos. Age, marital status, and appearance less important than that creative, curious, and stimulating and stimulated mind. Now, I will be inundated by responses from ‘working girls’ who have not read the ad, desire to sell me something or refer me some place. have more silicone than neurons, and at the average age of 28 are utterly naieve. So I will only reply to ads which incude the word ‘siren’ in the reply. tell me a little about yourseld, and we can go from there.



  134.  #134Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 12:49 am

    I guess what Evan and Rori are saying is to let your love cover a multitude of sins. Since no man is perfect, to flex a little with his flaws, and your love will accentuate his best self while his flawed self falls away like a dead, dry leaf.

    Trying to give grace here. 🙂



  135.  #135Lercomari on August 5, 2011 at 12:49 am

    P.S, I’ll add that I was prompted to do the google search after I talked to Techie (finally). I realized how very angry I’d gotten at him before he left for Atlanta..how much my whole mood and actions were being affected so much by him simply not calling. Now I haven’t heard from him after I sent him an IM apologizing…it’s wrecking my nerves. And I sort of panic at the thought of him never talking to me again. I knew these feelings were unhealthy before, but now I’ve put a name to them.



  136.  #136alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 12:52 am

    i want attention!

    I have nothing to say!

    I want attention damnit!

    I want..what do i want?

    I want my ex lovers! I LOVE MY EX LOVERS! I DO!

    I ALREADY FOUND REALLY GREAT MEN! “WHY CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG” – Rodney King

    I WANT THEM IN MY ROTATION

    PLUSSSSSSSSSS new HHGS!!!!!

    I WANT A ROTATION OF HHGS!!!!!

    YES!

    THIS FEELS SUPER FUN!

    PAY ATTENTION TO ME!

    DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION????

    hrmph.



  137.  #137alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 12:53 am

    #133 brenda “while his flawed self falls away like a dead, dry leaf. ”

    lol.

    which program is that in?



  138.  #138alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 12:54 am

    HAAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHA!

    I literally make myself LOL.



  139.  #139alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 12:55 am

    it’s a shame more people doesn’t inquire of me for my “honest opinion.”

    lol.



  140.  #140alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 12:56 am

    it’s a shame me grammar no well.



  141.  #141alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 12:57 am

    tap tap tap

    “is this thing on?”



  142.  #142alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 12:58 am

    i can’t wait til i’m on TV. it’s gonna be a blast.

    “joke after joke after joke” – Monica Geller



  143.  #143alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 1:00 am

    and to watch the money come pouring in.



  144.  #144alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 1:08 am

    no. seriously. wtf is this smell?



  145.  #145alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 1:10 am

    i’m going to turn on the AC and light a candle.
    b*tch.



  146.  #146RiverGirl on August 5, 2011 at 2:15 am

    This post feels awkward to me, like it’s skimming the surface, but to be fair, I have just finished reading David Deida’s books, “The Way of the Superior Man” and “Dear Lover”. He talks about the same dynamic, but just gets so much deeper into it so that you really get to understand the essence of the masculine feminine dance. Wish I could post the whole book, but here is a quote I particularly resonated with.

    “There are masculine and feminine gifts in intimacy, and each gift comes with its own responsibility. The direction of growth of a relationship is primarily the man’s responsibility. The energy of an intimacy – pleasure, sexual flow, and vitality – is primarily the woman’s responsibility. A simplified way of saying this is that the man is responsible for the woman’s depth of love, or openness of mood, and the woman is responsible for the man’s ‘erection’ or energy in the body.”

    I have just bought myself an iPad!!!!!, and these were the first 2 books I downloaded….what a treat!
    I would love any recommendations of good “siren” reads that I could download. I sense a period of lots of reading ahead for me after a fairly lengthy literary drought. 🙂



  147.  #147Jade on August 5, 2011 at 3:10 am

    #77 – Corin:

    If you responded to my comments, I really appreciate it. However, if I didn’t reply to your comments, that’s because I didn’t find them, not because I was ignoring you.

    I get what you’re saying, though. I understand your feelings and I would tend to do the same thing.

    However, I don’t want to take a lack of response as a personal thing, I don’t want to feel victimized or get a “woe is me” kind of reaction everytime my posts don’t get any feedback. There are sometimes too many posts to keep track of here. But I will try to pay more attention.



  148.  #148Jade on August 5, 2011 at 3:15 am

    #92 – FW:

    No, I don’t usually have a hard time saying “I’m sorry”. But I realized that I came here with a prejudice about you guys being a clique and I wanted to let you see that I overreacted. I don’t want to feel that you guys are “cliquey”.



  149.  #149Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 4:47 am

    Hmm… I noticed a few people on here have reacted quite negatively to this post and I thought I’d comment on my perception of it.

    Isn’t he just saying that she accepts him for who he is, rather than picking him up on each and every one of his imperfections?

    If there are things about your man you just can’t stand, then should you really be with him anyway? Or should you try to force him to change?

    I learned the hard way that you just cannot change a man, no matter how hard you try, so why even bother?!

    So yeah nobody’s perfect, and yep he’s going to do things that annoy you, but why not pick your battles and only speak up for what is REALLY important to you?

    That’s how I see it. I see EMK’s wife sees his imperfections, but accepts him despite them, and she’s not picking on him every second for being who he is.

    As they say, what you focus on gets bigger. So if you’re focusing on what you don’t like about your man (hence the picking etc), then they’re going to seem bigger than they are. On the other hand, if you focus on what you like and love about him, then that’s what will seem bigger in your eyes.

    And if you’re only focusing on the good things, he will feel appreciated, admired and acknowledged for the good things he does and he’s more likely to respond in a way that makes you happy too…

    Yep, that’s how I choose to see this post! 🙂



  150.  #150Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 4:53 am

    Oh! And I wanted to add too, that the better we feel about ourselves, the less our man’s imperfections will bother us!

    For example, TH has a wonderful habit of being “bossy” (telling me what to do). It really doesn’t bother me at all – it’s just how he is. If I felt inferior to him though, I’m pretty sure this would bother me a LOT!

    Anyway, he’s like that with everybody! So I usually respond in a way like I’m trying to be funny and say “Yes sir!”, then I salute him, or I jokingly offer to kiss his feet…! lol He doesn’t always get his own way either – it depends on what he wants! 😉



  151.  #151Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 5:12 am

    TH cooked dinner for me at my place tonight. OMG he is a culinary GENIUS!!!! He made quiche and it was delish!

    He’s cooked for me before and he is an amazing cook…! I told him tonight that his talents should not be wasted and therefore he should cook for me every single night. I doubt I’ll get my wish…lol 😛

    To change the subject (because he’s playing his geeky computer games and I’m bored!) I’ve been reading the blog for over a year now and I’ve observed some things that have me wondering whether I’m a pushover, or whether the fact that most things really don’t bother me is “normal”?

    So often I see interactions between women here and I see one taking offence to what the other said and I’m like “WTH? What was offensive about that???”.

    In fact, I suppose I’m like that in life in general. VERY little offends me at all, and that’s probably mainly because I truly don’t see negative intentions coming at me, unless they’re direct and specific.

    On this blog in particular, I see many (probably all) women who are here solely to learn and to help each other through what can be a very tough time. Nobody has come on here to intentionally hurt another.

    That’s how I see it anyway. I just find it unfortunate that these “spats” occur solely because somebody perceived somebody’s good intentions or advice as negative or as a direct insult.

    Am I weird that I’m not perceiving some comments as insults when others do????

    Hmmm…. something to think about here I think….! 🙂



  152.  #152Mel on August 5, 2011 at 5:14 am

    Alias girl, you gave me quite the chuckle this morning! I love your sense of humor! 😉

    Did you find the source of “the smell”?



  153.  #153Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 5:15 am

    Lol I’m starting to think I may be the only one awake!

    AG, did you find out if your neighbour was alive???



  154.  #154Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 5:16 am

    Oh yay I’m NOT the only one awake!



  155.  #155Mel on August 5, 2011 at 5:19 am

    Morning butterfly! 🙂



  156.  #156Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 5:21 am

    “Morning” Mel! It’s after 10pm here, so in a couple of hours it actually WILL be morning! 🙂



  157.  #157Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 5:23 am

    So excited for you right now too with signing your lease on the new place btw. You have one very exciting chapter of your life coming! 🙂



  158.  #158Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 5:24 am

    Alias Girl,

    RE: #135-136 – Love and hugs to your heart, Alias Girl! You got my attention! 🙂

    What program is that in? That is in Brenda’s handbook called, “The Power of Unconditional, Unfailing Love”! 😆



  159.  #159Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 5:25 am

    Lercomari,

    I feel so happy that you eventually paid attention to that. Awareness is key to change is my humble opinion. Now that you are aware of the tendency I would encourage you to cdate even more, rather than be the one man at a time serial monogamist that you have been. You will get to notice yourself more and your patterns and feel more empowered to change them.



  160.  #160Mel on August 5, 2011 at 5:26 am

    I’m feeling happy today. Actually kind of excited to have my own place. It will be fun to decorate! 🙂

    And thanks Daria for suggesting I get a profile up and start CDing. It’s amazing how much my vibe was lifted last night just being playful and flirty and seeing that men find me intriguing, interesting and cute.

    One of them is a architect and is actually designing a building in the little town I live in. He asked me to check it out and tell him what I thought.

    I like not having a photo up. The guys who chatted with me were truly interested in my profile, not just contacting a pretty girl.

    It’s amazing how a little flirting can lift one’s spirits! 🙂



  161.  #161Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 5:29 am

    Jade,

    RE: #147 – That feels sweet to read! I’ve been on the blog over a year now, and altho I see we aren’t perfect, I like to think of us as a sisterhood! All in all, I have received so much support and caring from my sisters, literally all around the world! It is a very warm feeling to think about that!!! And then there’s Rori, and she is so compassionate and wise!



  162.  #162Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 5:30 am

    Jade I asked because your comment “this is my apology” felt like someone stating a fact not giving a heartfelt apology. I wondered if it is a general way you go around in life and if it is an indication of some part of your heart being closed down. Your comments are coming across to me as you stating words from your head but I am not feeling your heart energy behind the words is what I am trying to say. Opening our hearts is something Rori encourages us to do by sharing our feelings. Hope I don’t trigger you here but I would love to see you put out some of the passion from your heart in your words.



  163.  #163Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 5:32 am

    Butterfly,

    RE: #148 – I think you made a good summary of this article, and I choose to agree. I thought about it overnight and more or less arrived at the same conclusion. Even tho some of it feels a little bad to me, bordering on chauvinistic, I choose to take this view, too.

    And, since I am unable to erase my comment from last night that wasn’t as generous, I verbally retract it now.



  164.  #164Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 5:34 am

    Butterfly,

    RE: #150 – You commented that you have been here over a year. Do I assume correctly you changed your name? Can you give me any hints as to who you were before?



  165.  #165Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 5:37 am

    Evan I appreciate your words here though it is not all what I want to hear believe it or not I fully respect your experience and the wisdom in your words. For me it is showing me how I react to what I hear. I have no criticism of your wife because it is my belief that only you two knows what is best for your life. I have honestly learnt a lot from you despite the fact I experience your words as a bit harsh. I take what I can from them because I believe in the desiderata concept “As far as possible, without surrender,
    be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story”. I believe every opinion is valid and I believe arguing with experience is folly. I have learnt a lot from your free emails.



  166.  #166Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 5:39 am

    RE 159 Yyyyaaayyy (((((((((((((((Mel))))))))))))))))) you’ve made my day.



  167.  #167Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 5:41 am

    RE 149 That felt like rockstar to BW.



  168.  #168Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 5:47 am

    Hi Brenda
    I probably didn’t explain myself properly. I’ve been reading the blog for over a year, just learning and observing, and have only just started posting recently.

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who sees the post as I do, and yeah I agree there’s a bit of chauvinism there. TH is a bit chauvinistic too, so it didn’t really stand out to me till you pointed it out. I suppose I’m just so used to being around him, that I don’t really notice it in other men. 🙂



  169.  #169Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 5:50 am

    @166 Yay thanks FW! 🙂



  170.  #170Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 5:50 am

    RiverGirl I did lots of reading last year and earlier this year too, but most books were from the Library. I will list a few below that were valuable to me

    Gay Hendricks – The Big Leap, Conscious Love, Conscious Living, Ten Second Miracle

    Coleman – Emotional Intelligence

    Gary Chapman – The 5 Love Languages

    John Gottman – The Relationship Cure



  171.  #171Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 5:51 am

    TH is singing to me… he’s singing a song about how my dog loves him more than me…

    He is one very strange man….. lol



  172.  #172Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 5:53 am

    Concealing is at the bottom of almost all relationships problems. You could be concealing something from yourself, your partner and/or the world. My specialty was concealing anger from myself, so that it erupted in spilled liquids, strange looks and coughs, and other intimacy sabotage moves with Gay. When I fully committed to revealing, I used a mantra with great success for many years. Here it is: Feeling lively and connected? If not, look for the withhold and express it. Even when I was convinced there was something real going on over there, my act of revealing what I was experiencing opened up more love and acceptance. I find such delight in being able to be absolutely real and transparent with Gay that I want everyone in the world to also experience this joy.

    We discovered that when people conceal, they create a reliable sequence of reactions. Withhold->Withdraw->Project

    Here’s how it works. You feel an emotion or experience a judgment, but don’t share it. That withhold creates distance, since it takes measurable physical energy to withhold. So you withdraw, and from that distance your partner looks different, less interesting or sexy.

    http://www.therelationshipsolution.com/blog/



  173.  #173Mel on August 5, 2011 at 5:54 am

    170:

    Awww… butterfly, that would totally make me melt! 🙂



  174.  #174Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 5:55 am

    RE 170 He is not a strange man. I have had guys sing all kinds of stuff to me too. He is sharing his energy in a way that feels good to him because of how he feels with you.



  175.  #175Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 5:59 am

    He makes me laugh! He is a terrible singer, and the last week he has insisted on singing to me the ENTIRE way home in the car! lol

    My revenge is singing songs back to him in the worst singing voice I can muster!

    He soooo has my dog wrapped around his little finger… or is it the other way around? He has her sitting at the dining table with him – on one of the chairs! She’s LOVING it! Rofl 😀



  176.  #176Mel on August 5, 2011 at 6:01 am

    Ok… butterfly, he’s a keeper!



  177.  #177Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 6:03 am

    BW I feel a little uncomfortable with the chauvanistic description of TH. There is some negativity in that and I believe what we focus on grows. I prefer to think that men have egos, bigger egos than ours which is a good thing. Those egos allow us to use our feminine power to get them eating out of our hands if we know how to use it correctly.



  178.  #178Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 6:07 am

    RE 170 BW though it is funny I am here wondering if there is a lesson there also. Does he think the dog “receive” love more easily from him than you do? Or is more open to receiving love? Seeing the dog lies around and get “petted”. Also dogs tend to get all excited when they first see you. Just thinking aloud…..



  179.  #179Starla on August 5, 2011 at 6:08 am

    Alias Girl,

    The smell of death is specific. The first time I smelled it, I instinctually knew exactly what it was without any frame of reference.

    I mean, it’s really, really bad. Not like rotten garbage bad. So hopefully that’s not what you’re smelling! Hope this helps!



  180.  #180Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 6:09 am

    RE 148 Yes Yes Yes Yes and a big YESSSSSSSSS BW. That’s how I look at it.



  181.  #181Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 6:12 am

    RE 134 I think that is also your insecurities screaming out Lercomari. What’s done is done. Now turn the focus back on you, stop focussing on him with your emails, attention, and thoughts and watch him come back to way when you create the space for him to step up. I feel so happy that you are learning about yourself. I am convinced it is time for you to really circular date even if it is only flirting with guys online.



  182.  #182Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 6:15 am

    Think of it as rotting flesh AG. The first time I smelt it I was in a war zone in Africa where they bury immediately. A truck passed me on the road going to the burial and the scent went into every cell of my body. I could not shake it for days. I would call 911 if I suspected something. Even if it is a neighbor gathering too many animals.



  183.  #183Starla on August 5, 2011 at 6:19 am

    Wow FW what were you doing in an African War Zone?

    I feel intrigued!



  184.  #184Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 6:22 am

    @175 Yeah he’s an animal lover from WAY back (his mother actually rescues native animals!), so it should be expected that he and my dog should get along! Haha!

    @176 I see your point FW. Hmmm….. Maybe I’m just linking his bossiness to chauvinism? I could be doing that. My first ex hubby was a chauvinist from WAAAYY back. TH is nothing like him thank god!

    You raise a good point and I will definitely take that on board, so thank you! 🙂

    Oh god… I wish I was the dog right now! lol She’s getting all the attention! 🙂



  185.  #185Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 6:23 am

    RE 182 Didn’t think that would have caught any attention but I was with my job which I would prefer not to elaborate on.



  186.  #186Ella on August 5, 2011 at 6:24 am

    Re 88 & 117,

    Owww, DE – interesting!

    Wouldn’t that be funny.

    I felt totally triggered by Rusty too… generally I got trigged into panic!



  187.  #187Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 6:26 am

    Remember Rori’s eNewsletter about her daughter and dog getting all the attention until she turned her attention back on herself and started taking care of herself?



  188.  #188Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 6:27 am

    177: Femininewoman: Oooo! I think you could be onto something there!

    TH is not often that tender with me, but when I’m upset, he is unbelievably amazing – even if he knows I’m upset because of him!

    I suppose I’m more open to his affection and comfort at those times… hmmm…..

    Mind you, when in bed, he literally just wraps me up in his arms and pulls me really close. I love when he does that and I tell him so! 🙂



  189.  #189Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 6:28 am

    OMG re the African war zone FW! What were you doing over there? It must have been frightening!



  190.  #190Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 6:30 am

    Oops saw #184, so forget my last question. 🙂



  191.  #191Starla on August 5, 2011 at 6:30 am

    FW, unique things always catch my attention 🙂

    Have a good day everyone!!

    And where is Rusty, anyway? Did he decide to leave us?



  192.  #192Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 6:33 am

    RE 187 Sounds like I would do more consciously Rori’s Rolling the Shoulder tool, and melting when with him if I were you to see what would happen. Also check out the other link below

    Try this simple Tool: ROLL YOUR SHOULDERS

    1. Wherever you are right now, stop for a second, put your arms down by your sides, and notice where your shoulders are.

    Usually, the tightness in our shoulders is the easiest place to notice and release tension and resistance, so first, just notice if your
    shoulders are up high, if there’s stiffness in your arm – just NOTICE.

    2. Now, instead of putting your shoulders back, military style, ROLL them outward, so that the palms of your hands follow along and end up facing forward.

    Be sure you roll from your shoulders, and not by just turning your hands or your arms (if you’re very tense, you’ll naturally try to do this from your hands and arms instead of from your shoulders – so stay aware).

    3. Notice how your shoulders now naturally soften down?

    This is a great first start towards feeling your feelings.

    4. If you notice a stray feeling creeping up from your stomach as you roll your arms – GREAT!

    5. Try to identify the feeling as either “sad, mad, glad” or “afraid.” (When I do this, the first thing I feel is usually sadness – we’ll talk more about where these feelings come from and what they’re about, but for now – just notice and try to put a simple description to the feeling.)

    And that’s it!

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/why-is-he-ignoring-me/



  193.  #193Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 6:34 am

    Hey Starla that’s a strength that you can use to stay in the moment with men.



  194.  #194Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 6:35 am

    RE 188 It was both frightening and adventurous but I was not alone. Great experience.



  195.  #195Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 6:38 am

    I believe Rusty’s marriage is healing so he does not have that much time for the blog anymore.



  196.  #196Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 6:40 am

    @191 FW – thank you for posting that. I tend to hold a lot of tension in my shoulders and neck too, so this could actually be good for me.

    I remember reading that post recently and right now I really don’t feel “ignored”. He’s just doing what he’s doing and I’m doing what I’m doing. Mind you, there ARE times when I do feel ignored by him but definitely now now.

    I just think it’s cute how gentle and soft my macho, masculine man can be with that dog of mine sometimes! 🙂



  197.  #197Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 6:42 am

    oops that was NOT now! 🙂



  198.  #198Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 6:43 am

    Not suggesting that you are feeling ignored. The post has instructions about the shoulder too, which I find valuable. Thought it could help with the body feeling also. From what you have written I have no doubt he is not ignoring you. I just believe you have the power to get more!!! with your sexy self.



  199.  #199Daria on August 5, 2011 at 6:50 am

    Feeling so much better after washing my hair

    also some of the heartburn feeling went away… almost all actually

    i wonder if it was my unwashed hair or the cherry syrup?

    i will lay off th syrup and try it tomorrow and find out

    i think the toxins from the antibiotics had loaded up on my scalp and were making me feel depressed and sick

    after i washed my hair i started sneezing and my sinuses cleared and a few minutes after that my depression lifted



  200.  #200Daria on August 5, 2011 at 6:52 am

    thank you daria for washing my hair

    thank you for feeding me

    thank you for buying me water

    thank you for taking me a nap

    thank you for taking the old polish off my nails

    thank you for fussing with the wires until the internet worked



  201.  #201Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 6:55 am

    @197 Love it FW! Yep I definitely deserve more, but then again, don’t we all? 😉

    I’m still wondering where he’s taking me tomorrow night. I know it’s dinner and that it’s just the two of us for starters. But tonight he said that as well as picking a dress and nice heels to wear, I needed to also pack some flat shoes and some more casual clothes (but not jeans) as well. WTH??? 🙂

    He has me sooooo intrigued!



  202.  #202Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 6:57 am

    BW Remember be surprised.

    Guys love it when we dress up for them.

    Please adore yourself.



  203.  #203Butterfly Wings on August 5, 2011 at 7:01 am

    Oh I’ll be dressing up for him alright! He also bought me a gorgeous pair of designer shoes not long ago (he has a “thing” for high heels!) and I’ll be wearing those too.

    Yes, I think he’ll like my reaction because I’ll be happy regardless! I’m just happy he’s made the effort to surprise me, and I’ve told him I’m looking forward to it. 🙂



  204.  #204Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 7:05 am

    Heels are sexy, wear them.

    I am feeling your excitement.



  205.  #205Ella on August 5, 2011 at 7:07 am

    Alias Girl,

    You responded to some questions I asked on a previous post and I just wanted to say thank you.

    And when I read your reply to me I felt all soft and goey – like ‘awww’ towards you and much more open.

    Like I ‘got’ more where you were coming from and I felt warm vibes towards you and kinda just wanted to wrap you up.

    And it feels much nicer to read your posts with just that little bit of insight and understanding of you.

    Sometimes before your posts would feel a little kinda hard to me and I would feel defensive, judgemental and shut down reading some of them.

    Now I feel much softer and warmer towards you and I feel pleased.

    I feel pleased you are on your path too.

    xoxox



  206.  #206Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 7:10 am

    Interesting comment from an email

    “Learn to build your life around your person, not your role, otherwise when your role changes you’ll lose your sense of worth. When your role changes, remember that your life’s not over. See your own worth as a person, discover your next assignment, gather up your assets and keep on living and giving. Discouragement often comes when we feel like we’ve seen it all, heard it all, done it all, and most of it was bad. No matter how old you are, you can never say you’ve seen it all.



  207.  #207Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 7:13 am

    Daria,

    I learned from a woman at a health food store that the best thing for heartburn and indigestion is vegetable enzymes, NOT antacids. That could be in the form of a salad or what-have-you, or just vegetable enzymes in pill form. It makes all the difference for me!



  208.  #208Lilybelle on August 5, 2011 at 7:15 am

    162:

    Nicely done, Brenda.

    I feel hopeful that we can all accept what EMK has to say, with grace, even if we don’t all agree with it.

    After all, Rori has our best interests at heart and I surely don’t believe she would support him if he was any less than genuine in his wanting to help women.



  209.  #209Ella on August 5, 2011 at 7:17 am

    I feel embarressed to ask this given my nutrition background… and I am going to ask anyway.

    Does drinking too much tea and coffee cause bloating.

    I have a feeling the answer is yes but I don’t know why as they are diuretic right?

    Confused.



  210.  #210Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 7:19 am

    FeminineWoman,

    RE: #205 – I like that quote a lot! In the 90’s, when I was choosing my major at college, I wanted to study theology, and I was concerned about it not making enough money. I talked to my pastor, asking if I should choose a major that would be more profitable.

    He said what’s most important is to develop who I am inside! He said don’t worry about the money. Study what I’m interested in and trust God to take care of me. He didn’t steer me wrong! I loved my major, and I had a career as a document specialist and technical writer placed in my lap when an employment agency placed me at a pharmaceutical company.

    And speaking of roles, I just got a call for an interview for a technical writer position that I’ve had as top on my list of potential jobs! A friend who I used to work with and remained friends recommended me for that position after she just vacated it! So I got an inside edge on the job and am the first applicant!



  211.  #211Ella on August 5, 2011 at 7:20 am

    Starla re 86,

    Yes I had some stuff like that too when I started practicing Rori tools and feeling my feelings.

    Some weird/overwhelming/un-namable stuff came up…

    Kinda good I think but not sure and oftent triggered by music.

    I knida like these intense experiences in life though, especially when they are not alcohol or chemically induced!

    xoxox



  212.  #212Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 7:20 am

    Lillybelle,

    RE: #207 – Thank you!



  213.  #213Ella on August 5, 2011 at 7:21 am

    Tonight I shall be practcing,,, drumroll….

    Being myself!

    Yep, that is what I am going to do tonight.

    With all Roi’s tools firmlt ingrained in my psyche also, of course!

    I feel smily.



  214.  #214Ice Princess on August 5, 2011 at 7:22 am

    I think I finally know why red-flag-guy was placed into my life. He taught me how unattractive clinginess and lack of confidence is. I got to practice not doing both with LP last night and I have never heard so many “I love you’s” over the course of the night and he didn’t want me to go home! He even asked when we can talk again to which I replied when you call me. 🙂



  215.  #215Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 7:25 am

    Ella,

    RE: #208 – I don’t think tea and coffee cause bloating. If you add milk and sugar, they might cause bloating.

    I have lost and gained a lot of weight, and I am pretty keyed in on the things that cause bloating, at least for me:

    dairy products
    wheat products, such as spaghetti
    most carbohydrates if I eat more than just a little
    SUGAR bloats me most of all

    I read from a nutrionist that most people have a mild allergy to wheat and its products, and that tends to cause bloating.

    I feel most in harmony with my body and most slender when I eat a lot of fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, sprouts and little of everything else. Most people think they will gain weight by eating too many bananas and drinking too much juice. I have proven in my weight losses that that’s not true. When I lost weight before, I would allow myself any amount of fruit and juice, and the weight was pouring off of me! That sometimes included up to a half gallon of juice a day and sometimes 4 bananas as a meal!



  216.  #216Ella on August 5, 2011 at 7:27 am

    Lercomarie,

    No I don’t think you should cease dating.

    Rori recommends dating as free therapy.

    Sometimes I do take a break for a bit if I want to just focus on me or go a bit introvert for a while… doesn’t last long though. Some guy normally shows up with something (a message or experience for me) and the dating just starts again naturally.

    Cool insight if you have identified co-dependancy issues though! Its a starting point.

    Have you got the Toxic Men programme?

    For me I would continue CD-ing with this new insight.

    xoxox



  217.  #217Daria on August 5, 2011 at 7:32 am

    “Interests

    NO SKYDIVE OR BUNGEE JUMP ITS JUST SOMETHING ABOUT PLAYING WITH GRAVITY IM NOT VERY FOND OF

    About Me
    LOOK FIRST OFF WHO CARES IF I WROTE IN ALL CAPITALS. STOP READING INTO NOTHING. “OH MY WHY DID YOU TYPE IN CAPITALS ARE YOU YELLING AT SOMEONE?” WTF??? DOES IT MATTER IF I TYPE LIKE THIS OR like this?? =) LOL. (IF YOU DONT HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR IM NOT THE ONE FOR YOU) I DONT NEED YOUR BOOTY CALL OR YOUR MONEY OR YOUR ATTITUDE =)LOL. I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM ATTRACTING WOMEN BUT LIKE MOST I FIGURED WHY NOT TRY IT AND SEE WHAT THIS PLENTY OF FISH IS ABOUT”



  218.  #218Daria on August 5, 2011 at 7:36 am

    Brenda – thanks 🙂

    good idea, i do have enzymes with me…

    i don’t ever get heartburn so im pretty sure this was caused by a particular thing… especially as it lasted so long

    maybe it was the mountain cehrry syrup, or maybe it was just the toxins in my hair

    will see when i re add the syrup tomorrow



  219.  #219Daria on August 5, 2011 at 7:38 am

    maybe i can neutralize it With enzymes… will try! thanks



  220.  #220Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 7:41 am

    RE 29 Thanks for that info FlowerChild I personally would prefer to stay with the DVD and I was getting ready to order something also. hhhmm



  221.  #221Daria on August 5, 2011 at 7:41 am

    Ella some herbal teas do feel kinda bloaty to me if i drink a lot of them



  222.  #222Ella on August 5, 2011 at 7:43 am

    Brenda thank you.

    Yes that is what is weird – I have not been eating sugar or bread for the past 3 or so days.. I have been eating mainly vegetables and lean protein.

    And my tummy STILL feels bloated.

    It is weird.

    Thats why I wondered about the tea and coffee as I have been drinking a lot of these (and water too). I am sure herbal or detox tea would be better in an ideal world… and I do drink these…

    Babysteps.

    Bren I feel suprised to hear of you lsing weight whilst consuming a lot of juice and bananas and these are high in sugar and other carbs…

    xoxox



  223.  #223Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 7:46 am

    RE 221 I would guess that it is the increase water/fluid binding with the increased fibers in the vegetables. The body takes some time to get used to the increased fiber and to eliminating it. It will eventually go away. I understand the body can take up to 4 days to break things down which is the reason some recommend rotating foods.



  224.  #224Ella on August 5, 2011 at 7:48 am

    @ 216

    Hmmm….

    To me that translates as

    ” Red flag, red flag, red flag, red flag, red flag…. etc”

    My feeling is wary… and judgemental.

    Like ‘this person has ISSUES!

    But maybe I am just feeling judgemental today.

    I feel very curious about what other Sirens make of that profile.

    I love finding interesting stuff like that.

    Thanks Daria. xx



  225.  #225Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 7:50 am

    RE 223 My judgement was this person might have problems respecting others or might have felt disrespect in the past that they have not gotten over yet.



  226.  #226Ella on August 5, 2011 at 7:54 am

    Hmmm interesting,

    I am finding 216 really triggering now.

    I want to ‘tell’ him why what he is written is offputting and ask him what his problem is.

    I feel angry that he assumes to know MY feelings.

    I want to ‘put him right’

    And the other part of me just feels switched off and like yawn!

    Hmmm, love being triggered like this.

    Thank you.



  227.  #227Corin on August 5, 2011 at 7:54 am

    146 Jade-Awww thanks.

    I haven’t found there to be a clique here. I hope you soon start to feel part of siren central and gain all the support you came looking for
    xxx



  228.  #228Senior Lady Vibe on August 5, 2011 at 7:55 am

    @133: Brenda says:
    “… Since no man is perfect, to flex a little with his flaws, and your love will accentuate his best self while his flawed self falls away like a dead, dry leaf…”

    Oh. Maybe. But I didn’t see anything about a flawed self falling away… Do you think it disappears, or pops, or dries up like a raisin in the sun…? Isn’t that line in the Langston Hughes poem? 😯

    Anyhoo, AG’s post has me thinking about smells. The sense of smell is very strong. Very ancient and primitive. I’m pondering the relative strengths of smelling vs. feeling.

    Any thoughts anyone? Any smells?

    I’ll publish my exploration notes as I go forward.

    BTW, #25 AG… I ‘ve experienced dead body odor as similar to a gas smell with some sulfur added. The gas smell is that artificial aroma that utilities companies add to cooking gas (odorless) so that we can smell it and turn it off or run before the building explodes. That’s an example of smelling being better than feeling; if we waited to “feel” the gas, it would be from the Heavens above.

    😀
    xoxo



  229.  #229Senior Lady Vibe on August 5, 2011 at 8:00 am

    @138: alias girl says:
    “…it’s a shame more people doesn’t inquire of me for my “honest opinion.”
    lol…”

    I find dishonest opinions can be very entertaining. What do you think? (Your honest opinion, of course… LOL 😆 )

    xoxo



  230.  #230tinque on August 5, 2011 at 8:00 am

    Butterfly – #148 and #149, yes, yes, and yes…

    We always have the choice along the relationship way to say no thank you, this behavior is a deal breaker. If all the other stuff that is awesome far outweighs the little things that may not sit well with you, then isn’t it worth staying.

    It has been my experience that the more accepting I have been of those little things, not only do I not care so much about them, they have also tended to fade away.

    It seems that Evan’s message is getting lost in words that some of us here are having difficulty hearing.

    Whatever it is that is bothering some of you about him, this does not bother his wife. It’s not that she’s being a doormat. It’s that all the other stuff is so awesome to her, the rest is just a blip on her radar if it even registers at all.

    This is what I meant above when I told Daria that she can exactly the relationship she wants. Little things FOR HER will be acceptable. These same things may not be okay for someone else.

    The big things for HER will have to be well in place. These same things may not matter to someone else.

    xxoo



  231.  #231tinque on August 5, 2011 at 8:02 am

    alias girl – maybe an animal died under the house or in the walls. this can smell horrible and takes days to go away.

    xxoo



  232.  #232tinque on August 5, 2011 at 8:10 am

    Another thing to consider about the intestinal issues. Stress, anxiety, fears, etc. can wreak havoc in the belly, causing gas, pain, spasms, and worse.

    I used to have severe intestinal problems, starting with IBS as a teenager which developed into serious ulcerative colitis. I ended up having major surgeries (four) to remove the entire colon, and still I had problems.

    Some time thereafter I began to really focus on releasing and letting go my “stuff”. If you know anything about my work, you know that some of this involves learning how to track in your body, finding the places that hold whether it be temporary tension or chronic spasming, and learning to relax these places.

    After suffering for most of my life from awful belly issues, I can say now I have NO problems whatsoever, and I can eat anything I want, no more restricted diets.

    That said for relief from occasional stomach ailments, aloe juice is great though it can be mildly laxative, and probiotics are good too. Natren’s megadophillus dairy free is my favorite.

    xxoo



  233.  #233Senior Lady Vibe on August 5, 2011 at 8:14 am

    @147: Jade says:
    ” I don’t want to feel that you guys are “cliquey”…”

    Jane doesn’t want to smell that you guys are “cliquey.”

    The question would be CAN Jane smell that the guys are cliquey? Hmmm? If she can, she could hold her nose, a valid option if she didn’t want to experience that smell.

    I’m just experimenting with the “power of smell” vs the “power of feeling.” I’m thinking that smell is more powerful but I’m not sure. I’ll be testing this hypothesis during the rest of the summer, a good time for smells I think.

    No response required; I’m just practicing and considered “feeling you guys are ‘cliquey’ ” would a very powerful use of feeling. I don’t believe it exists but I do see those claims. Often. Aha, 💡 Maybe those claims are dishonest opinions.

    Ponder on, blog on. 😀



  234.  #234Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 8:15 am

    Tinque I am wondering if you have the same opinion about cancer at it relates to holding stuff in the body. I am surprised you removed the whole colon and can eat “anything” you want. I feel awed.



  235.  #235Corin on August 5, 2011 at 8:16 am

    Just come back from a lovely CD with doctor guy.

    I practiced leaning back in my chair, leaving him to pay and allowing pauses without believing that I had to jump in and rescue the conversation.

    BUT where I really struggle is the not asking questions and staying out of intellectual discussions. I love hearing about people’s perspectives and learning and life experiences and he was a really interesting guy. Should I just listen to what he wants to say, nod and then speak about me when he asks? The conversation was focussed more on him than me because I found him really interesting. However that goes against focus on me. Hmmm.

    I did do well at feeling messages and I think I had quite an even balance between head and heart.

    I guess I imagine I would get bored if it was all about feelings.

    Biological clock guy texted me while i was out with Doctor guy which made me feel doubly desired! I think Biological guy is going for instant relationship syndrome although we haven’t even met yet! My sirenness must be irresistible! xxx



  236.  #236Corin on August 5, 2011 at 8:18 am

    SLV, what about the smell of fear??



  237.  #237Ella on August 5, 2011 at 8:19 am

    Oh no,

    Just checked my phone.

    Mr Gardener has not text!

    He usually texts several times a day.

    He text me after our date last night that it was lovely to see me.

    I honestly don’t think I can handle many more ‘poofs’!

    I will start to get a complex.

    Oh well I love me anyway.

    I am fab.

    Just that the last 4 guys I have dated have ‘poofed; at some point and I am feeling panicky that there is something wrong with me!

    But there’s not.

    Maybe this is just part of he natural weeding out process.

    I know I am totally ahead of myself and jumping to conclusions here.

    It is just that I feel sensitive/triggered around ‘poofing’ right now.

    Ick. maybe time for a shower.

    Ok, wha do I feel greateful for?

    I feel grateful that a better class of men have begun showing up.

    I feel grateful that I have been able to find some of my boundaries and lift my self esteem high enough to stick to them through my interactions with men.

    I feel grateul for my lovely date last night and for the cuddles and kissing and the man pouring his attention at me waterwheel stylee.

    And I feel grateful for my fun times with J.

    I feel grateful that I am feeling healthy and no hung over today.

    I feel grateful for my lovely life and my family and my nice room.

    I feel grateful for the fact that I have a night out planned for this evening and nice new clothes to wear.

    And I feel grateful that I am slim and healthy.

    And I feel grateful that I am off to Zumba class soon.

    That feels good.

    Feel a lil bit of nervous feeling in my tummy.

    I love my nervous.

    I love me.

    xoxoxox



  238.  #238Senior Lady Vibe on August 5, 2011 at 8:23 am

    @157: Brenda says:
    “…What program is that in? That is in Brenda’s handbook called, “The Power of Unconditional, Unfailing Love”! …”

    Cool! 8) I might do one on the power of smell, depending upon research and exploration results.

    xoxo



  239.  #239Corin on August 5, 2011 at 8:25 am

    Hmmm, there was definitely an abscence of vulnerability from me in our interaction. FMs could be the route to access that.

    I also noticed I was complimenting doctor guy while he didn’t compliment me. Hmmm, trying to be ‘nice’ again to ‘get’. I know he fancied me, I could tell that when I first sat down. Then again I’m hot so of course he did!

    I think I accessed intellectual and physical attraction but not emotional which is the holy grail that Rori talks about. I felt more comfortable talking about books, politics etc and so avoided my authentic vulnerability.



  240.  #240Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 8:28 am

    Corin my opinion is you focussed on yourself because you said you shared FMs. I believe first dates are for fun and finding about the other person, you already know yourself. I have also come to accept that guys talk a lot on first dates because they are nervous and might be trying to impress me. I short circuit that process for them if I talk too much. Plus I have read that when a guy experiences a woman who listens he finds it irresistible because their experience is that women just want to talk talk talk. I have also read that asking questions shows curiousity and interest. For me the important thing is balance. You will get another opportunity when hopefully he will switch to being curious about you when he realizes how leaned back you are. Then he will invite you to share. What you wrote there felt to me like you giving back and allowing him to lead. I feel confident this will appeal to his subconscious.



  241.  #241tinque on August 5, 2011 at 8:29 am

    Femininewoman – One could go so far and include cancer in this, but it’s a slippery slope to walk. It can shift blame where it’s not intended. And you know sometimes sh*t happens.

    As for me the only thing that can get to me if I eat a lot of it is fiber.

    I used to avoid dairy and acidic things and so much more. Not any more.

    I do prefer healthy foods though, have never eaten fast food ever. It is so nice being able to ice cream again. yum…

    xxoo



  242.  #242Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 8:34 am

    RE 238 I disagree there Corin. I remember Rori suggesting talking about how we feel about those things to baby step towards things that are less scary. Your love of books, maybe not your passion about politics and how it affect our lives. But you can be authentic about talking about books. With someone else, like SLV, who likes using the library and reading that would essentially be speaking their language, is my humble opinion.



  243.  #243Corin on August 5, 2011 at 8:36 am

    FW Thank you! I guess I’m putting pressure on myself when mistakes are not mistakes, they are part of learning. Because of my work I am really inclined to find lots out about the other person and reveal little of myself. I have received feedback that people believe they are being ‘psychoanalysed’ by me. I now realise that is quite aggressive and something I have developed to protect myself. I DID do FMs and focussed far more on myself than pre- Rori.



  244.  #244Senior Lady Vibe on August 5, 2011 at 8:37 am

    @159: Mel says:
    “…It’s amazing how a little flirting can lift one’s spirits! …”

    Note: to whoever was posting about being ignored. Well! When I made suggestions (months ago, months!!!) to lift the vibe, I was rather IGNORED! So you will find that although there are not always cliques, not all posts are received equally. Read and you will see…

    In this case the value of a post wpuld be to affirm one’s own store of values, knowledge and experience , to live it and to be thankful not to be in another person’s shoes, grasping about and stubbornly suffering.

    This is the input I got when I took a break from the blog.
    Q: “Do you know what to do?”
    A: “Yes.”
    Q: “Then it doesn’t matter if the other person doesn’t…he or she will be the one living it.”
    A: “Okay.”

    OK.

    😀



  245.  #245Ella on August 5, 2011 at 8:37 am

    Know what – if he can’t handle me… f8ck him.

    I am what I am… yes I swear somtimes, sometimes I drink too much and I can be hard work and emotional.

    AND I love all that about me.

    And I am amazing and I am all that.

    And I am the air you need to breath! So without me you are going to suffocate and die!

    Lol.

    I am the key to your heart.

    I am everything you want.

    I am all that.

    I am loving the song by Meredith Brooks right now
    ‘I’m a b8tch’:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRqoIHZpWUU

    And I also know it is only the next day since date…

    Just processing MY stuff.



  246.  #246Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 8:38 am

    Corin I have also read Rori says it depends on where you are coming from. She recommends not doing certain things because we do it to get something or because we want something. I am trying to replace complement and adore in my psyche with accepting and wondering about ways I can accept a man rather than adore him. I am open however to flirt with guys by complementing things they wear. This is about me though and practicing flirting.



  247.  #247Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 8:40 am

    RE 242 Sounds like you might come across as too serious and could be a message to go back to saying FUN FUN FUN in your head on these first dates.



  248.  #248Senior Lady Vibe on August 5, 2011 at 8:44 am

    @159: Mel says:
    “…I like not having a photo up. The guys who chatted with me were truly interested in my profile, not just contacting a pretty girl….”

    That method has been recommended especially for pretty woman; I think it’s a good idea for women looking for quality instead of quantity. But some pretty women don’t mind going through the piles of men who write after viewing their pics. I suppose if they are fun guys it could make for jolly dating.

    😀



  249.  #249Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 8:46 am

    IcePrincess “Yayyy” for lessons.



  250.  #250Corin on August 5, 2011 at 8:46 am

    FW, I really like the concept of looking at the intention rather than there being a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ action. Thank you. That helps. I can sometimes try to slavishly follow rules and then go into rebel mode which undermines the whole process. Appreciation of me and all men sounds good
    xxxx



  251.  #251Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 8:52 am

    I have seen CCarter write about the dangers of chemistry and suggest that pretty woman can draw a lot of attention. But insecure guys will think “she doesn’t want me, she is too hot”.



  252.  #252Ella on August 5, 2011 at 8:55 am

    Hmmm,

    No one is talking to me today.

    I feel invisible.

    I love my invisible.

    Going for a shower.



  253.  #253Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 8:56 am

    Ella,

    RE: #221 – You said, “Bren I feel suprised to hear of you lsing weight whilst consuming a lot of juice and bananas and these are high in sugar and other carbs…”

    I got the concept from the book, Fit for Life. They said we are an energy system. It is more complex than calories in vs. calories out. We need energy to live. So if they are quality calories, you will still lose weight. Weight loss is about cleansing from the inside out. How do you wash a car? With water! Would you wash your car with a slice of pepperoni pizza? No! What if you washed it with a slice of watermelon? It would almost work, right?

    Fruit is highest in water content of all foods. So if you eat a lot of fruit, your body will naturally cleanse itself, flushing out fat and toxins, etc. Like the author says…

    Don’t take my word for it…try it! 😆



  254.  #254Lilybelle on August 5, 2011 at 9:07 am

    216:

    LOL!!!



  255.  #255Lilybelle on August 5, 2011 at 9:11 am

    238:

    “Then again I’m hot so of course he did!”

    Well of course you are and of course he did! 😉



  256.  #256Mel on August 5, 2011 at 9:22 am

    Re: 243

    SLV,

    … or sometimes while the suggestion may have been a good one, the person wasn’t quite ready to implement it… Doesn’t mean it was ignored! 😉



  257.  #257Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 9:22 am

    By the way Corin I have read somewhere, maybe Bob Grant, that when guys are attracted they tend to fidget with their hands and touch their face. Apparently the face gets sensitive in some areas and is a dead give away when he touches his face or adjusts something on his attire that the guy finds you attractive.



  258.  #258Lilybelle on August 5, 2011 at 9:36 am

    Interesting conversation with CD2 last night…

    He mentioned that he hadn’t contacted me at all on Wednesday and that I was cool with that…meaning, I didn’t lean forward. He then went on to tell me about a woman he hadn’t met who he had been communicating with for about ten days. He didn’t contact her for one day and she freaked out on him and sent him an angry text…

    They hadn’t even met yet but that angry text was enough to cause him not to want to progress further.



  259.  #259Mel on August 5, 2011 at 9:41 am

    Hey Lil, I just noticed that your b-day’s the day after mine! 🙂



  260.  #260Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 9:42 am

    Yep Lilybelle. That’s the kind of thing I learnt about from Dating Without Drama, my first ebook on dating.



  261.  #261Daria on August 5, 2011 at 9:43 am

    Ella – really? i loved it! it made me laugh hehe



  262.  #262Lilybelle on August 5, 2011 at 9:43 am

    258:

    YAY for us, Mel! 🙂



  263.  #263DE on August 5, 2011 at 9:48 am

    wow, u guys…u’ve been busy all nite 🙂

    lots to catch up…



  264.  #264Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 9:54 am

    “Here’s some specific advice and help from Tinque that will help you open ANY man up:

    “I always took my man’s silence SO personally.

    I always thought it was me, something I said or didn’t say, something I did or didn’t say. I found out that not only was this rarely the case, I also discovered a way to encourage him to open up to me, at least some if not a lot of the time.

    1. The first thing you must know and keep very close to your heart at all times is that almost inevitably, when your man doesn’t feel very present to you, very often it has NOTHING to do with you.

    It’s usually his work getting to him, or maybe it’s the state of the world pulling on him, or he’s just tired, or maybe he doesn’t feel well.

    2. The next thing you must know is that men, your man and nearly every man, will for the most part keep things, his troubles close to his chest.

    Men have emotions as we do, BUT he may not show
    them readily.

    Unless you know him very well or are extremely
    sensitive and sensitive to him, you may not even notice at all.

    You may notice that something feels not quite right.

    He may seem not quite his usual self in some way.

    And very, very often, as long as it’s not a terribly serious thing, it will just as quickly be gone.

    Naturally there are some men who push anything to do with feelings away, ignore them just as many women do, but that’s not what I’m talking about here.

    For those men who do acknowledge their feelings
    somewhere inside, it seems to be a much more
    internal working thing in that it’s not shared
    with others.

    They won’t tend to reveal their deeper inner
    thoughts or their feelings.

    They also won’t tend to let things eat at them.

    An example of this might look like this in their brains: “This hurts; this will pass.” And then it does.

    Most men will not open up and say what’s going on, as we women SO love to so.

    They don’t feel that burning need most of us women do. AND they don’t usually turn these things
    over and over, upside down and inside as we do.

    It may be hard wiring. It may be societal conditioning. It may be a bit of both.

    Regardless…. he will, for the most part, not talk when things are bothering him.

    So what does your man do when he has a problem
    or maybe an issue with you or with the
    relationship?

    ***He will likely become quieter, withdrawn even.

    If it’s a bigger thing or he tends towards moodiness, he may very well go “into his cave” for sometimes an extended period of time.

    And he will come out when he’s ready.

    ***He will NOT likely expose himself and his
    feelings as I’ve said. But you will know something’s up, especially if you’ve been together for awhile and know each other very well.

    SO WHAT CAN YOU DO? HOW DO YOU GET YOUR MAN TO TALK TO YOU?

    Your man will come to you and “share” only when he feels safe. Safe with you.

    And he will feel safe with you whenever it is he feels safe.

    This cannot be forced or rushed.

    Are you tearing your hair out in frustration yet? Please don’t, for there are ways to encourage feelings of safety in your man.

    YOU create that safety by:

    1. Allowing him to be who he is.

    2. Accepting him warts and all.

    3. Being okay with whatever he does or does not do as long as he’s not hurting you.

    …and if he does hurt you, you would tell him simply and cleanly how awful whatever it is feels, and that you don’t want to feel that way.
    That’s all you need to say.

    From here you can negotiate.

    4. Feeling good within yourself, FEELING LOVE FOR YOURSELF, doing things that make YOU HAPPY, by
    taking care of YOU.

    5. And you have to share your feelings first in clean “I feel.” Statements, No elaboration.

    The feelings of safety will happen or they won’t, but without these elements, they will never come to be. And being anxious about it will only interfere.

    It doesn’t seem like much does it? It seems rather easy doesn’t it?

    It certainly can be. If you can keep these things in your mind and in your heart most of the time, you CAN encourage your man to open up and share his feelings with you.

    The way he opens up and shares may not ever “look” the way you think it should look – the way
    we women open up and share – and yet, it will DEEPEN your relationship in incredible ways.

    Love, Tinque”



  265.  #265DE on August 5, 2011 at 10:02 am

    I just want to disclose something…cause my spirit is admonishing me for it…:( so, i feel sad ab it…

    On a scale of 1 to 10, Rusty triggered me at a level 3 the most…I had felt compassion and sometimes annoyance…the interaction felt a bit one sided…where it would appear he knew it all…without taking the opportunity to learn from us and or understand where we are coming from…

    As to EMK…hmm…right now it feels like a 5…

    It was interesting reading his responses on this blog…

    Eloquent, assertive…dynamic…yet, i could feel the energy behind it…blood flowing, tension in his body …i could feel triggers within him at a 8 level…
    not a 10 cause he is used to have to answer uncomfortable questions/comments…

    But my intuition tells me…he likes being triggered to this energy level…I think it might be arousing to him; he may even get most creative in his work when he is most challenged…:)

    I admit it feels appealing to have a man stand up and defend his territory…Good for him 🙂



  266.  #266Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 10:02 am

    There is no such thing as “stuck.” As you may know, at Dating With Dignity I often talk about how we get trapped by language. Here’s the good news. Try this on for size:

    In truth, “stuck” is the exact, right space for me to be in, because there are lessons to learned RIGHT HERE, right NOW.

    http://mail.aol.com/34007-211/aol-6/en-us/Lite/MsgRead.aspx?folder=Inbox&uid=28324581&seq=21&searchIn=none&searchQuery=&start=0&sort=received



  267.  #267DE on August 5, 2011 at 10:07 am

    Daria,

    I would love to talk to u this morning…are u on Skype?

    warm hugs,



  268.  #268Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 10:10 am

    RE 264 Interesting DE but I have to be honest and tell you seeing his wife described as a “ho puts up with my crap”? as he mentions in 130, I feel humilated and wanted to defend her myself. As a man I totally get why he would be triggered by that. Why would someone who doesn’t know her say that? For me that would be a point of no return. I believe he handled it with dignity and I felt embarrassed by it.



  269.  #269DE on August 5, 2011 at 10:24 am

    FW #267:

    We often project our own feelings/thoughts onto someone else…it takes some time to reprogram our subconscious run by old patterns and beliefs…

    I feel amazed noticing more and more of my own…usually, my spirit tells me soon after…cause i feel bad for what i said or did…My spirit is seeking self repentance…

    It felt very good reading your #164 post…i agree with u…

    warm hugs,



  270.  #270Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 10:29 am

    RE 268 I get what you are saying DE but for me that is no excuse to “spew”. I have learnt about building in the pause her on Rori’s blog and from an Interview with Relationship Expert. We are not all there yet, but we are all human, we all have feelings and to get respect for our feelings we have to at least consider respecting those of our fellow humans.



  271.  #271Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 10:35 am

    English Womans says it seems he has put himself on a pedestal. My take is, that might be true, but if I put myself on a pedestal and think that I am a goddess to be adored, I give everyone else the space to think that of themselves too. Why would I not want a man who puts himself on a pedestal anyway? For me the problem is if I put him on a pedestal higher than the one I am on. Also if I feel he is looking down at men with scorn or contempt from his pedestal. His words sound to me like he adores his wife and has her on a pedestal too. Plus I really trust Rori’s intuition/ judgement/experience on relationships. It has to be a reason why she keeps inviting him back.



  272.  #272Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 10:36 am

    Sorry I meant “looking down at ME” instead of men



  273.  #273Camille on August 5, 2011 at 10:47 am

    I feel anxious reading the responses to this article, I myself was not triggered by EMK very strongly, because I have many male friends with whom I ask there “male perspective” and it has been my experience that men and women experience the world so differently and we can be talking about the exact same situation and describe it totally differently. I thought it was interesting to hear his take on his wife and their relationship. For me personally, I am on a search through Rori’s material and other things to understand men. If I dont listen to men and their perspective with openess, how will I understand the way they think. Because they dont “think” like women. But I learn much from a male point of view…even if I cant go there in my own mind. Obviously his wife has found a way to allow him to be himself and feel secure. They seem to have a wonderful relationship that they both are proud of and speak well of each other. I feel good about that. (Just my opinion) xoxoxox



  274.  #274Starla on August 5, 2011 at 10:47 am

    Ohh I am so glad we’re talking about bloating, cuz I have an interesting thing going on and I have no idea what to do —

    When I wake up, I look about 10 pounds thinner than when I went to bed. It’s like I bloat as the day goes on. By the time I’m getting ready for an evening out, I feel fat in my clothes:( And I’m eating mostly veggies and lean meats…no wheat or dairy.



  275.  #275DE on August 5, 2011 at 10:48 am

    FW: #269:

    What I saying is that I find forgiveness for others mishaps because I find forgiveness for myself…

    I want to heal judgement in myself and others for their faulty behavior…

    That is not to say I won’t feel bad/sad/angry for a while…till I connect to a sense of self-compassion…

    The blog is a great opportunity for us work through them…some of us would get it sooner or later…and sometimes we just have a very fricking bad day…and our mouths get the “best” of us…

    and it feels bad when someone is being attacked and/or disrespected…

    warm hugs,



  276.  #276Lilybelle on August 5, 2011 at 11:01 am

    270:

    This was what I was saying in an earlier post regarding Rori.



  277.  #277DE on August 5, 2011 at 11:02 am

    I don’t believe we can force someone to repent…by admonishing them, ignoring them, telling them what they did bad…etc…however, we can own our feelings and express how we felt in the context…

    I recall a situation where I was given a warning and then I was removed from a bible study group because I shared being in a sexually relationship with my then exbf…i was considered a sinner and my sin was “contaminating” the group’s spiritual committment…

    I felt awful…rejected…judged…angry…

    I learned in that moment once more, that being truthful doesn’t serve us …and i immediately understood why organized religion is fostering sin…and thus, not for me…

    and guess what…i didn’t feel that what i did as a sin…yet, i felt awful by the judgement placed upon me…

    I now understand that experience had a reason for my life…it was intended to nurture my purpose of forgiveness and acceptance in this world…



  278.  #278Camille on August 5, 2011 at 11:06 am

    DE would you mind expanded on “being truthful doesn’t serve us?” what do you mean?



  279.  #279Daria on August 5, 2011 at 11:10 am

    DE – i might be available later… im a lil busy at moment… will skype u to let me know (also my other skype name where i am signed on more frequently)



  280.  #280Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 11:12 am

    I saw it Lilybelle and felt happy that you did. It is the reason why I repeated it.



  281.  #281Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 11:15 am

    Camille I assure you will see all over the blog Rori encourages women to tell the truth to a man. There is an article I believe with that title. I have also heard Gay Hendricks say his pickup line to his wife was I have learnt that I mess up my relationships by not being honest or something very close. Can’t remember it verbatim off the top off my head.



  282.  #282DE on August 5, 2011 at 11:16 am

    Camille:

    Well, I meant people learn that being “truthful” doesn’t serve them when the response to ones truth is punishment, retaliation, judgments…

    I am not saying it’s right though…

    warm hugs



  283.  #283DE on August 5, 2011 at 11:19 am

    I speak my truth …always…

    However, I learned to be selective about when I speak my truth…some people can’t handle my truth…

    so, if i asked by these people…i would answer…”i don’t feel safe talking about my truth…i feel uncomfortable at this time…”



  284.  #284Camille on August 5, 2011 at 11:20 am

    Oh gotcha…I thought thats what you meant, but I wanted to be certain…..I struggle with that very thing sometimes. Sometimes I choose not to be completely honest with certain people because Im avoiding the judgment, retaliation, etc.,

    And Ive often wondered if that was right or wrong (for me) but its usually when I’m feeling like they cant handle the truth………but I guess thats a judgement and my part and being connected to a certain outcome. hmmmm?



  285.  #285Camille on August 5, 2011 at 11:21 am

    OOOOOO I like that answer you posted….Im going to use that one!



  286.  #286DE on August 5, 2011 at 11:22 am

    Daria:

    Okay, thank u 🙂

    warm hugs,



  287.  #287Camille on August 5, 2011 at 11:23 am

    FW
    I know exactly what you were speaking of I have heard the interview with Gay Hendricks



  288.  #288T-Girl on August 5, 2011 at 11:27 am

    I haven’t had a chance to read all the comments yet, but I have a feeling that I may be in the minority. I totally get what EMK is trying to say in this article.

    What I am reading is basically to choose your battles, and relish when you have a good man. Maybe because it relates to me? Sure my guy leaves ALL his clothes on the floor, sometimes jokes with me a little TOO much or frustrates me with some of his opinions. But he also treats me like gold, tells me I’m beautiful and that he is the luckiest man in the world, treats my daughter like gold, looks at me with love in his eyes. He is truly a good man. In my pre-Rori days those negative qualities would have been a precursor to a fight or me trying to change him. But now I appreciate what I have and what is truly important.



  289.  #289Teresa on August 5, 2011 at 11:39 am

    haha – didn’t realize we switched threads – i was still posting on the last one. (Thanks Camille!)



  290.  #290Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 11:42 am

    RE 286 ah ha



  291.  #291Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 11:46 am

    T-Girl for some reason I felt you would show up today. Regarding your comments I would appreciate him when he picks up after himself though. It might inspire him to do it more often. I have shown excitement with one of my CDs when he finally opened the car door for me. I was shocked to see how he did it several times after that. I am talking about a man who talks of himself as being tough and always try to act tough.



  292.  #292T-Girl on August 5, 2011 at 11:59 am

    Yes, I definitely show appreciation when he picks up or opens the car door or gives me a compliment. It is so hard sometimes not to pick up for him but then I hear Rori’s voice in the back of my head. One time I did pick up for him and it felt bad – almost like Rori was saying to me “stop it!!”. lol

    My triumph though is to not let that stuff, minor stuff really, to get in the way of truly appreciating a good man.



  293.  #293T-Girl on August 5, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    I am a bit nervous today because I am meeting his mother. He doesn’t seem to think it is a big deal. My NV’s are telling me that is probably because he has introduced all his past girlfriends to his mother hence it is no big deal. But to me meeting the mother is huge.



  294.  #294Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    As we are on the topic of trust reflecting on “i don’t feel safe talking about my truth…i feel uncomfortable at this time…”

    I am asking myself if I could inspire someone to feel safe with me and trust me if I use that. Will I have to backpedal and start building again after using this statement? Don’t know if this is one of Rori’s recommended FMs but I am having mixed feelings about using it.



  295.  #295Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    I believe it is huge too T-Girl and it could be your resistance to a new level of commitment. Think of it in terms of Rori’s Waterwheel of Love Tool coming back to you. Allow as much love and positive energy as possible to flow to and through you.

    What came to me though is that this might be a man who is truly looking for long term commitment and the reason why he might keep introducing girls to his mother, hoping this is finally it.



  296.  #296Corin on August 5, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    254- Lilybelle thanks! It serves no purpose to think otherwise!

    256- FW. Hmm….I didn’t notice him touching his face. He looked at me quite deeply when I first sat down and I interpreted that as attraction. During the date he often looked at me quite coyly, sideways glances. I think he has some feminine energy. I like that as long as he also knows how to lead a relationship.



  297.  #297Corin on August 5, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Ex has texted after nearly two weeks, asking to arrange collecting his things. Thanks SLV for dissuading me from destroying them (godness I WAS in a rage).

    He asked how I was so I responded “I’m really good thanks. Enjoying the sunshine!”. The truth is a
    I am really good, very happy. Lots of great men pursuing me. Wow, what a difference a few days and some CDing makes.

    When he comes round I want to practice being warm and open and not get drawn into any explaining.



  298.  #298DE on August 5, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    I read again Brenda’s comment that triggered EMK and apparently FW…

    Brenda said “Yeah, you put your finger on it. It’s like: “Hey, I’m high maintenance but my ho puts up with my crap.””…

    In Brenda’s defense, …and knowing a bit about Brenda, this was her interpretation or better said her translation of EMK’s relationship description with his wife…to me, she is not calling his wife a ho…

    i understand it doesn’t make it right for EMK… yet, it felt right for Brenda…

    It is amazing how someone’s words are “translated” into someone else’s mind…no wonder we have so many misunderstanding…

    What we deny others, we deny ourselves…



  299.  #299Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    I know what you mean about the side glances. Like checking you out without checking you out. I always feel a tinge of excitement as well as caution with that experience.



  300.  #300Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    DE I am not triggered I am responding to what EMK said. That was what I read.



  301.  #301Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    DE If I am triggered it is about how much respect means to me.



  302.  #302DE on August 5, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    FW #293:

    I feel suspicious about your intentions…

    It feels as u nitpicking everything I say…

    I sense resistance and a bit of passive aggressive energy coming from u…

    I also often get a sense of “competition” vibe coming from u posts…not just with me…and that feels bad…i feel turned off …and not want to be a part of it…

    From knowing as much as u know…i feel surprised u don’t pick up on your own triggers from reading posts…rather than use the self-righteous PR…

    Yep…i feel pissed off right now…thank you for the trigger…great opportunity for me to heal them…



  303.  #303T-Girl on August 5, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    Wow, it truly saddens me when I read about all the “triggers” other sirens feel here. Sometimes I feel the trigger is just an excuse, not really a healing exercise. Maybe I’m just not in touch with my feelings? I just don’t read into posts the same things as others do.

    I love this blog, I don’t post as much as I would like because my hours have recently changed but I don’t like to read all the negative posts to other sirens. I feel sad now that FW may be feeling shut down again when I believe that she only has good intentions.



  304.  #304Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    DE I can’t tell you what to sense or feel however I know what my intentions are and that is good for me. If in resistance and passive aggressive you mean I don’t allow myself to be influenced by everything people say, well no I don’t. I am opinionated and yes I do read a lot. I know myself best also as far as triggers go. Self-righteous I am not even sure what that means.



  305.  #305Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    Oh no T-Girl I don’t feel shut down. What concerns me most about being here is my expectation that people who are here for a while will grow a bit. That gives me confidence in Rori’s sayings but a lot of times I find myself questioning because of how some long timers respond. I want to feel confident that I can invite people here knowing that they will grow from the experience and have good relationships in the world. Regardless of whether they are men or not. I believe the same principles hold regardless of who we are relating, especially when it comes to issues of trust and respect.



  306.  #306Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    As matter of fact T-Girl I am moving towards the place of believing that everyone’s intentions towards me is love. I just use doors in my boundaries for most people, where I let them in sometimes while at other times I don’t.



  307.  #307DE on August 5, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    FW:

    U said…”…What concerns me most about being here is my expectation that people who are here for a while will grow a bit. “…

    Do u call this comment respectful and trust building???



  308.  #308Camille on August 5, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    I enjoy FW’s posts and she is so wonderful at sending links. I have learned much



  309.  #309Starla on August 5, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    T-Girl says:

    Wow, it truly saddens me when I read about all the “triggers” other sirens feel here. Sometimes I feel the trigger is just an excuse, not really a healing exercise.
    ———-

    yeah, for sure.



  310.  #310T-Girl on August 5, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    FW – I guess it goes to show we can only control our own growth. I know that I have grown so much since I have been here and I take so much joy and pride in that growth. Of course I still have so much to learn and to work on. But I am headed in the right direction.

    And thank you for mentioning about meeting the mother may have something to do with a level of resistence to intimacy. When I read that my mind screamed “Bingo”. Yet another thing I have to work on but again I am headed in the right direction.



  311.  #311Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    Yes it does DE. Trust that someone will tell the truth.



  312.  #312Camille on August 5, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    T-Girl
    I have always been nervious to meet the mother.

    I guess I have always wanted so-much for them to like me because it seems to make the relationship easier when their mom’s like you. (Maybe thats a false belief system I have running through my head)



  313.  #313DE on August 5, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    FW:

    Huh????



  314.  #314T-Girl on August 5, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    I don’t know if I worded the above correctly, After I re-read it I realized I don’t like how I used the word “control”. Anyway, the above comment was intended with love.



  315.  #315Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    RE 309 I am so happy to hear that T-Girl.

    Thanks Camille. I trust Rori so much I believe her work helps with our growth and I look forward to seeing it reflected in people here.



  316.  #316T-Girl on August 5, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    311 Camille, that is exactly how I feel too. Though he has told me that his mom already likes me because he likes me. Maybe my NVs are coming from that his family is so close – alot closer than my family is.

    Either way, I think I will be fine – just nervous now. In fact, I better get off the computer. So much to do before tonight. I will let you guys know how it goes.



  317.  #317Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    Good luck T-Girl



  318.  #318Starla on August 5, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    I have panic attacks thinking about meeting guys’ parents. Wish I could help, lol.

    I don’t have much of a family that I come from, so I always feel “less” than them.



  319.  #319LobbyStar on August 5, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    What is a nice FM way of telling a guy “I don’t like you as a human being?”

    😉



  320.  #320Camille on August 5, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    If you are well intended and care about her son…and you be your authentic wonderful self so you are relaxed and “real” she will feel it and have no other choice but to love you wether you are with her son or not!



  321.  #321Camille on August 5, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    LobbyStar—LMAO
    I feel happy when I think of you as something other than human? lol



  322.  #322FlowerChild77 on August 5, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    I checked with my ISP. I have “unlimited” access (but what that really means is “up to” 5gb/mo.) Each ‘Love Script’ program is 7 hrs. They said 7.5 hrs of streaming is 5gb–my total limit for one month. (Hi-def is only 3 hrs.=5gb)

    If I watched one program, one time and did nothing else online for the whole month (no blogs, no e-mail, no reading, no updates) I’d have hit my limit.

    The CD is audio only. (I’ve been reading carefully to try and answer my own questions.) I know ‘hearing’ it is better than nothing, but for the price I’d really like to see it too. There is something calming and healing about seeing her body language and facial expressions, along with her voice.

    I’m disappointed. As ‘slow’ as I am, and as much as I have to learn, I’d have to watch it more than one time and can’t give up all other online activity to do that. (I bank online, pay bills, etc.)

    Ok…I’m done complaining now. I’d gladly wait for DVD’s in the mail.

    I’m sorry to be negative…trying my best not to be, but I’ve been waiting and waiting to be able to order some programs. I’m just expressing my frustration and disappointment after looking forward to this for so long 🙁



  323.  #323tinque on August 5, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    Starla – Veggies and fruits are hugely gas producing, thus bloat producing, especially raw.

    xxoo



  324.  #324Starla on August 5, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    oh my, thanks tinque! so what do i eat instead, on days i need to avoid the bloat? any idea?



  325.  #325Starla on August 5, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    319 “i’m not feeling interested in getting to know you right now”

    ??



  326.  #326tinque on August 5, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    Starla – You may have do a little experimentation to see how your body responds to different foods.

    I find proteins of the animal sort to be the least gas producing. Sadly all the veggie proteins are though quinoa is not so much nor is spelt.

    Yogurt may be okay, Try it. Goat yogurt is the easiest to digest. Soups as long as they don’t have much beans in them are usually okay.

    Concentrated foods tend to be the worst eg. protein powders/shakes, power bars. Even if there are all natural sugars, it still can cause air bubbles because if its concentration.

    If oatmeal is on your diet, this one is not gassy, likely.

    Stay away from mucousy foods and fried, hard on the belly though not always gassy, again depends on your system.

    xxoo



  327.  #327Laughing goddess on August 5, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    #318

    “My need for respect is not being met in our interactions and I feel better focusing my energy elsewhere”



  328.  #328English Woman on August 5, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    Blah blah blah. Not interested tonight in reading or posting.

    Don’t know why, but it just seems very meh on here
    tonight, 🙁



  329.  #329DE on August 5, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    Wow…the power of riffing…

    Feeling soo peaceful and appreciative right now…

    Grateful and appreciative of my anger…

    Grateful and appreciative for self wisdom and wisdom of great friends

    Grateful for my resilience…:)

    Grateful for not holding grudges…and ability to forgive …

    Grateful for being young enough to have a great life ahead of me…

    Grateful for my experiences…makes me unique and special…

    yes, baby…I have it going on…

    I love my arrogance…I love my no bullshit attitude…
    I feel so sexy when i say “fu*ck this…and no…bit*ch…fuc*k u!”…

    i love me…all of me…:)



  330.  #330Starla on August 5, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    ohhh my numbering is off because i put something in moderation the other day



  331.  #331LobbyStar on August 5, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Camille, Starla, and LG:

    Thank you for three wonderful and diverse interpretations! I feel so much better about sending this guy packing now!



  332.  #332alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    #157 Mel 🙂 I feel puffed up. 🙂

    #152 BW i believe all my neighbors are alive. maybe it was just awful cooking? although they may be dead now after eating that g*d awful smelling thing!

    #157 Brenda. Thanks! I feel Great to be seen! Is your handbook available as an e download?

    #181 FW eeks! i think maybe i have never smelled a dead body before. i feel curious if FW is a secret agent!

    #204 Ella aw. i feel very aw reading your words. i feel CONNECTED! and appreciative of your understanding. thank you. 🙂

    #230 tinque. thank you. ew. luckily the smell is gone. i feel happy it was not a dead critter!

    #251 Ella. aw. i see you.



  333.  #333Starla on August 5, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Thank you, tinque!!



  334.  #334Lercomari on August 5, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    @FW 158, 180,

    Thanks a lot for your guidance all this while. 🙂 Flirting online I can do…but I need to get back to reading the ebook. There are still tools I am yet to learn..will be reading the codependence book more often too. I feel appreciative of you.

    @Ella 215,

    Thanks for the advice…I don’t have the Toxic Men program. I just have the HtRYW ebook and that’s what I am working with now.

    Techie instant messaged me last night. He had gone to Atlanta and returned on Thursday, but I thought he’d be returning on Monday. That caused me a lot of anxiety because I thought he was home and purposely avoiding me. But it turns out that wasn’t the case…he was away and busy in Atlanta. Communication isn’t his strong suite. I understand that and I won’t stress myself out over it any longer. I asked him if he had missed me, and he said “I always do. And I still have your birthday present.” *big smile* So he’s going to give it to me Monday. 🙂 I feel relieved and happy.



  335.  #335Corin on August 5, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Reading Siren’s bloggings about sharing triggers that they believe are inappropriate. I’m now feeling a bit anxious and umm guilty that my processing may have seemed wrong or passive aggressive.

    I know I can’t control whether other people approve of me or not. I’ve spent a lot of my life trying that!

    Reflecting on my posts yesterday, I know I did post with a certain sense of urgency. Rori has suggested that urgency is falsely trying to protect ourselves or something. Hmmm

    I hope I focussed on my own stuff and didn’t use that as a guise to make a dig at someone else.

    If I came across as inappropriate I would really welcome specific feedback on where/ how from other Sirens

    If anyone would be willing to offer their feedback on posts 77, 78, 79 I would appreciate that as I’m trying to learn in a loving way
    xxx



  336.  #336DE on August 5, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    Hmm…more riffing…

    F*uck…respect…fu*ck being nice……at the expense of my authenticity, and thus my truth…????? no frick*ing f***king way …

    My truth…if not a of u f*ucking business…it’s a choice I ONLY make if I feel it’s in my best interest and worth it to share…I honor my feelings first and foremost…and that is the Rori’s way…btw…



  337.  #337Lilybelle on August 5, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    315:

    T-Girl~

    I understand being nervous but seriously, you will shine…

    Can’t wait to hear how the evening went.

    I like him and how he is so step up and moving forward. He hasn’t missed a beat at all, has he?



  338.  #338Lilybelle on August 5, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    318:

    Spitting my beverage on my puter! LOL!!!!



  339.  #339Mel on August 5, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    How strange… I feel creeped out when some men ask me to post a photo, but not when others do… I wonder what is triggering me?



  340.  #340Lilybelle on August 5, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    334:

    I didn’t find anything triggering in there for me nor did I find anything inappropriate.

    Actually, I thought it was really great self-examination and I wish I could be that self-reflective.
    I get easily distracted..oh look at the butterfly…type distracted. lol!!



  341.  #341DE on August 5, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    More riffing…

    Mother:”Be nice…be respectful…smile…”

    Little girl: “F*uck u mother…f*uck u pretenses…u don’t like them either…i don’t want to…i don’t want to be here…i don’t want to be u…”

    Mother:”That’s not acceptable young lady”…Smack on the face…”u are grounded…”
    Mother:”Oh, forgive her…she is just a bit different…:(”

    Little girl:”Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” tears and betrayal…”I am not u mother…I will never be u…I will never confirm to nobody’s f*ucking rules…i hat*e rules…i want to feel accepted…i want everyone to feel accepted who they are…that’s where trust begins…being our authentic selves…being accepted…and feeling love not judgement…



  342.  #342FlowerChild77 on August 5, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    I’m sorry…I feel like I should not have posted #321. I just want so much to start working things out so I can be a better person and post without ‘abusing’ anyone or pissing anyone off. (I did not mean to.)

    I’m feeling lots of pressure from xbf/bf about getting back together and I’m not sure what to do or say. He is talking about me moving and we haven’t really discussed everything. (I was hoping Love Scripts would help me feel confident in moving forward.) He wants to see me on Sunday and I am at a loss for what to say and how to say it.

    I’m having second thoughts and doubts, yet I don’t want to completely blow it while trying to find out more about what he wants and what, exactly, he is promising me.

    I’m trying to be pleasant and accepting and open and authentic—so I don’t know how to be all that, and, at the same time, say the right things to know his intentions and state my boundaries. They seem contrary to one another.

    My FMs have been working and I see the change—but it doesn’t take much to put him on the defense and shut down on me. (Not knowing enough Siren tools, I feel unprepared and inadequate when I see him.)

    Learning I did something way wrong, here on the blog, makes me doubt, very much, that I can express myself correctly in person. Maybe the relationship problems were all my fault. I feel like I have an opportunity here–whether I choose to take it or not. I want it to be my choice, not because I am offensive and make people mad.

    I’ve read and re-read this and am quite sure I haven’t offended or abused any other Sirens. (Although, I trust nothing about myself right now. I feel like I hit a brick wall at every turn.)

    I apologize for complaining–if I could delete #321, I would.



  343.  #343DE on August 5, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Flowerchild77:

    if u want to really begin healing …i suggest stop apologizing…instead work through u feelings…

    warm hugs,



  344.  #344Patricia on August 5, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    327 EW!!!!!

    How are you? I realize it’s probably late where you are…..I’ve missed your posts! What’s been happening with you???

    I too have been just leaning back today reading the blog off and on chickies!!! It’s so hot here! Lazy, hazy day………I so love summer!!!



  345.  #345tinque on August 5, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    Flowerchild – I’m not sure what you’re anxiety is about over #321. I see nothing there at all and even if there was, so what. The women are here to learn and grow, and this includes making “mistakes” though there really are no mistakes, just growing experiences.

    xxoo



  346.  #346tinque on August 5, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    oh dear * your…xxoo



  347.  #347Joann on August 5, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    I agree with evan here…but what gets me extremely irritated is the fact that men love to tell us women to change, even if its bad qualities…so what that’s what makes us who we are also right? I mean females nurture relationships constantly, and we may do it the wrong ways and not the perfect way that rori ray explains. But seriously, I have to accept a man as is, yet they don’t seem to accept me as is. If I don’t like something that may be stupid to a man, and i want them to change that because it makes me feel in secured or makes me feel upset, they feel its unnecessary to even change it because we have to accept them as is. But if they are bothered and we reacted the same way, we are totally wrong. I don’t seem to understand.



  348.  #348Plum on August 5, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    SLV 232

    rofl 🙂

    xxx



  349.  #349Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    RE 326 “LIKE”. LG I experience you as such a gem when it comes to positivity. I appreciate your energy.



  350.  #350DE on August 5, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    More riffing:

    Mother: “Go to u room and entertain the kids…”

    Little girl:”I don’t want to…I am sick and tired of being u kids nanny and u friends nanny too..

    I am sick and f*ucking tired of feeling pushing for being the oldest …it’s not my f*cuking foult u chose to get knocked out every 6 years apart…

    I am just a kid too…I want to play…I want my friends…

    Why do u seek u friends and u husband over me? I am tired mother…i want to feel u love and acceptance…”

    Tears feel soooo good…i feel energy moving through my entire body….oh…they stopped now…in my pelvis…i feel good now…i feel safe…welcome home little girl…welcome home…



  351.  #351Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    Lercomari glad to hear about Technie. Might be helpful to just tell yourself that you are loved no matter what anyone else does. Just rest assured in the faith that you can create love in your life and that people love you. They might not be able to show it to you in the way you would like them to but it is reassuring to just believe and have faith around. It might takes someone else to step up but it might help to take the edge of the anxiety off. You don’t want too much stress hormones floating around in your body unnecessarily is what I tell myself now.



  352.  #352Corin on August 5, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    Flowerchild,

    I don’t see that you did anything wrong. What are you feeling?

    Sometimes we need to speak up and say we don’t like something! It can be good to practice here!
    xxx



  353.  #353Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    RE 346 Hi Joann I hear you and understand what you are saying but you know what you have a choice, we have a choice. I don’t have to do anything anyone tells me. It can go in one ear and come out through the other. For me changing to fit everything a man says is twisting myself into a pretzel. I like me and only like to twist when I am dancing.



  354.  #354Corin on August 5, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    339 Lilybelle

    Thank you! I want to learn and grow. xxx



  355.  #355Corin on August 5, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Biological clock guy CD has just told me I talk about myself like I’m a psychology experiment. I do! Maybe I just need to chill out more and stop trying so hard.



  356.  #356Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    Corin I sensed them initially as someone become more self-aware which I believe is a big plus. The someone who might be a bit timid but was willing to run the risk of speaking up, another great thing. Unearthing specific feelings, putting a name to them and speaking up about them without blaming anyone sound like growing experiences to me. I wouldn’t take on any labels unless I am clear for myself about it.



  357.  #357Femininewoman on August 5, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    Corin did he indicate any specifics why he thought that about you?



  358.  #358Senior Lady Vibe on August 5, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    @235: Corin says:
    “…SLV, what about the smell of fear??…”

    And the smell of success? Could be, could be, interesting experiencing it that way and kind of visceral expressing it that way.

    And the smell of joy… puppy breath.

    😀

    xoxo



  359.  #359Corin on August 5, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    FW, yeah when I spoke about how I am learning to express anger and find the feelings before anger. How I will withdraw and be passive aggressive but am working on changing this in the last few years. He said it affectionately. I work in a therapy field so I guess I use therapy speak a bit too much too.

    He is very different from me in that he is right wing, in the forces, masculine etc and speaking the way I speak is very different for him. I value his opinion in this. It rings true.



  360.  #360Corin on August 5, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    355 FW. I’m really happy you did not experience them as blaming, I’m working trying to get a truthful non blaming, non victimy, non passive aggressive vibe!



  361.  #361Corin on August 5, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    Hmm what would be the positive flip of non blaming, non victimy, non passive aggressive?

    Taking personal responsibility, acknowledging that I alone have power to hurt me and to take care of me, truthful expression of feeling.



  362.  #362Senior Lady Vibe on August 5, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    @238: Corin says:
    “… I felt more comfortable talking about books, politics etc and so avoided my authentic vulnerability…”

    Could that be part of your passion and authentic vulnerability? Would a woman whose strongest feelings were toward her pet bunny rabbit, and expressing those feelings, be more authentic than another woman… without rabbit?

    Hmmm. Pondering.

    xoxo



  363.  #363Senior Lady Vibe on August 5, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    @255: Mel

    I’m following you there. I’ve had to turn that around back to myself and I think that I’m not following my own stuff sometimes either. Like right now! I’m trying to get on track. Thanks for the reminder.

    😀

    xoxo



  364.  #364Corin on August 5, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    SLV, I think I am comparing myself to Daria and I believe (may be wrong) I read her writing that intellectual discussions will get us nowhere. From that I’m maybe trying to make myself something I’m not.

    I love my intellect, my enquiring mind that explores theories and I need a man to can stimulate me in this way. I’ve always thought that this was one of the areas that men I’ve been in relationships with liked about me. However I’m now reading that intellectual attraction is not sufficient.



  365.  #365Lilybelle on August 5, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    349:

    (((DE)))

    I feel nervous to say anything because I am not sure you have finished riffing yet.



  366.  #366Lilybelle on August 5, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    363:

    I wish I were more intellectual. I don’t have that curiousness about me. I’m not stupid though and I am hella street smart and was given a huge amount of commn sense. 😉



  367.  #367DE on August 5, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    Lilybelle #369:

    Omg,…u are in deep trouble young lady…Lol…

    Thank u for making me laugh 🙂 lol

    warm hugs,



  368.  #368alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    omg. just talked to a new cd on phone. i feel horrible and drained. AND i used feeling messages.

    i don’t feel understood
    i feel misunderstood
    i don’t feel i am connecting
    i am trying to connect and i’m not
    i feel unheard. i say something and i just…i feel misunderstood.

    UGH. i felt like i as talking into this translator thing that when i spoke it must have become something else when it hit his ears.

    and i felt like a receptacle.

    ah..ding ding ding ah, that’s what it was.

    he was just talking at me in this salesman-like pitch type voice that never modulated and was just

    who cares

    yae for me for practicing. yae for me for using feeling messages in the moment. for being in touch with how i felt. for not trying to “match” his vibe and abandon myself to be “picked” by someone i am not even interested in.

    i don’t need to impress men.

    my focus is on my feelings. my waterwheel. my desires. my feeling good.

    i love myself.

    yae for me for practicing. clap clap clap. go self!



  369.  #369DE on August 5, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    Corin:

    Yes, embrace your ability to have intellectual conversations…:)

    I relate to your experience…i feel very confident in my abilities too…

    However, learning to ease into an intellectual conversation with a man u are interested in romantically, is an art…it’s subtle…it requires a deep connection with our heart…and feeling messages opens up the channels to our heart…there might be other ways…and i don’t debate that…

    but, from everything i read/practiced/studied…FMs have topped my ability to create change for myself…

    it takes practice indeed…and a willingness to accept being…in u beautiful self…the woman…

    warm hugs



  370.  #370Lilybelle on August 5, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    366:

    🙂



  371.  #371DE on August 5, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    Corin:

    also from my experience, intellectual conversations with men…gets their interest…in a short term…not a long term…

    once in a relationship, it gets boring for a man to deal with another “man”…that’s one of the reasons, i believe, they loose sexual interest in us after the initial connection…

    warm hugs,



  372.  #372alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    wow. it literally felt like my life force was being sucked out of me. like he had plugged into me and was draining me.

    well. i know i don’t want to feel like That around/ or about the men i allow to date me. lol.



  373.  #373Senior Lady Vibe on August 5, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    @296: Corin says:
    “…I am really good, very happy. Lots of great men pursuing me. Wow, what a difference a few days and some CDing makes….”

    Yay!

    😀

    xoxo



  374.  #374alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    Reflecting back on the conversation with that cd i realize there was not one question that i asked that he responded to. not even the simplest of questions. ie “is that north? “is that far?”

    with no exaggeration i don’t believe there was one thing i spoke that was responded to as if it had been heard.

    no wonder i felt drained. i was basically annilated.

    ew.

    ah, i feel SO GOOD to have clarity and practice and be in the NOW to know what i feel and to care for myself.

    it’s weird. i really like this ‘free therapy’ now. 🙂

    thank you!!!!

    i feel very ah and deep energizing breath.



  375.  #375Lilybelle on August 5, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    373:

    What DID he talk about by himself??



  376.  #376Daria on August 5, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    i love you daria



  377.  #377alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    #374 he just talked…

    about how he spends an hour a night looking up his ancestry so i heard a lot about that. he was having trouble finding info on his great great grnadfather on his father’s side. his father won’t talk about him. the great great grandfather had three different names and… and… and…

    he just freaking talked.

    lol.

    i feel good. this is my long standing issue and i used to freeze and abandon myself. and now i don’t.

    i feel very hopeful and in my own power.



  378.  #378Plum on August 5, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    SLV

    Les cinq sens sont : l’ouïe; la vue; le goût, l’odorat; le toucher.
    Ironiquement, les sensations et les sentiments ne sont pas inclus dans les sens. (Note the root of the words)
    The five senses are : hearing, the sight, the taste, the smell and the touch
    Ironically, the sensations nor the feelings are classified among the senses we can experiment through our body
    Yet the word used in French to express the smell is the same to express a sensation and a feeling.

    J’ai peur = I have fear = I am afraid = I feel fear

    Je sens la peur = I feel the fear or I exult the smell of fear or I sense the fear (in others)

    Je sens mauvais = I smell bad

    Je me sens mal = I feel myself bad = I feel bad/sick

    J’ai mal = I have pain = I hurt = It hurts

    Je sens la mort = I feel death coming or I exult the smell of death or I smell death or I sense death

    Je me sens bien = I feel myself good = I feel good

    Je sens bon = I smell good

    Je le sens bien = I have a good intuition about this/him and also I feel he is feeling good lol

    Je le sens pas = I don’t smell it = I feel something is off and also I don’t trust him.

    Je sens la moutarde me monter au nez = I feel the mustard coming up my nose = I am becoming angry

    Je suis en colère = I am in anger = I feel angry

    Je me sens en colère = I feel myself in anger = I feel angry

    ça sent le gaz = It smells like gaz = Things are going to explode = Problems are coming over

    Je sens les problèmes arriver = I am feeling problems coming over. I sense problems coming over

    Je sens les fleurs = I smell the flowers.

    Je sens ta caresse = I feel your caress

    Je sens la tristesse = I feel the sadness

    Je sens sa tristesse = I feel his sadness

    Je me sens triste = I feel myself sad = I feel sad.

    Je suis triste = I am sad = I feel sad

    Je sens la chaleur = I feel the heat (climate or fire speaking)

    Je sens qu’il va faire chaud = I have the feeling the day will be hot = I think the day will be hot = I sense the day will be hot

    Il fait chaud = It is doing hot = It is hot

    J’ai chaud = I have hot = I feel hot = I am hot (climate speaking)

    Je suis chaud = I am hot = my temperature is high or I am sexy or I am really willing to participate (the two latest not always being related lol)

    Je me sens chaud = I feel myself hot (I have got fever)

    Je sens qu’il va pleuvoir = I have the feeling it is going to rain = I think it is going to rain = I sense it is going to rain

    Je sens la pluie = I feel the rain

    Je sens la pluie = I smell the rain

    Il pleut = It’s raining lol

    ça sent la tristesse = it smells like sadness

    Je me sens triste = I feel myself sad = I feel sad

    Je suis triste = I am sad = I feel sad

    Je me sens heureux = I feel myself happy = I feel happy

    Je suis heureux = I am happy = I feel happy

    ça sent le bonheur = it smells like happiness

    Je sens le bonheur = I feel happiness

    J’ai froid = I have cold = I feel cold

    Je sens le froid = I feel the cold

    J’ai faim = I have hunger = I feel/am hungry

    J’ai sommeil = I have sleepiness = I feel sleepy.

    Je sens le sommeil = I feel the sleepiness.

    Je sens que ça va pas = I feel something is wrong. I sense something is off. I feel it does not fit.

    Etc… 🙂

    In French, “I am hungry” is not a feeling it is a sensation we have. Hence “J’ai faim” = I have hunger

    “I feel sad” is a feeling and as a feeling it is us at the moment we speak, hence “I am sad” = “Je suis triste”.
    In order to feel, we have to feel ourselves hence “Je ME sens triste” “I feel myself sad” or “Je sens de la tristesse” “I feel sadness”

    xxx



  379.  #379DE on August 5, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    OMG…i have 3 CDs that want to please me…wow…

    the guy that didn’t confirm on Tuesday…just txt me…
    without reading into it, apparently it was a misunderstanding…he was waiting on me to confirm our time/location…hmm….

    my 1st answer: “hello J, hmm…i feel a bit weird ab the misunderstanding between us…txting does not affect my phone plan…only calling; also maybe i didn’t mention but i don’t feel comfortable confirming meeting plans with men i am interested in creating a romantic connection…i only contact to return a message or to cancel plans…that being said…i had planned on meeting u last Tuesday…i was waiting on confirmation and details…”

    His response;” Well i’m learning what u do pertaining to meetings i really thought i had to wait to hear from u cause of the bill (phone); i look fwd to seeing if our initial contact…hopefully we can put our connection back on a positive track…

    next message “I don’t want to loose your friendship or the potential love connection due to me not knowing what u do and don’t like… so if u would be patient and walk with me through our transition from strangers to our life long connection it would be appreciated…”

    My responses “aww…so sweet…i feel soo touched…:”

    and indeed i felt and still feel like a Goddess!!!!



  380.  #380DE on August 5, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    Tonite, I have a date at a life jazz place…my 2nd meeting …i feel sad i don’t really felt the attraction at first…yet, i soo enjoy his company…intelligence, wit, openness…

    It also feels good to hear he chooses places that I would enjoy…he even said that in his message…the reason for choosing this place…cause is soo like me 🙂 I love ambiance…and for me an outing is an experience…

    I feel smitten….:)



  381.  #381DE on August 5, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    Gosh, I feel embarrassed about so many misspelled words 🙁 arghhhh

    Done for today…feeling tired…i need to rest for a bit…



  382.  #382FlowerChild77 on August 5, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    Corin and Tinque…#321 was complaining and negative. I don’t mean to complain about the products, etc.

    I was starting to feel proud of myself for learning that my gut feelings were correct (about xbf lying about something that seems, perhaps, trivial to others). Baby steps, ya know?

    Since I’m considering going back with him this worries me. Lying is a deal breaker for me and something I never had to worry about with him.

    Perhaps I didn’t post the facts correctly or in the wrong order or something. A response post left me feeling as though I was making a big deal out of nothing–that my intuition was wrong. I felt silly and foolish.

    >>>”Sometimes we need to speak up and say we don’t like something! It can be good to practice here!”<<<

    Well, I did! (And I should have just kept my mouth shut. I see that now.) The poster was very angry and said I was abusive. I have never, ever been told that by anyone. Since I don't trust my feelings to begin with, I seriously consider what other Sirens say to me/about me. I came here to learn.

    Being told I am THAT awful for speaking my mind makes me feel uneasy about posting anything. Hence, the apologies.

    I'm feeling scared and torn. Half of me wants to go back home and the other half is hesitant. I did not snoop or ask anyone about him—this is a very small community and we both know the same people (for the most part.) I didn't have to lean forward at all…the information came to me in ordinary, everyday conversation with other people. All of it volunteered.

    I don't mean to keep repeating all of this, but it's where I left off, kind of.

    What I have learned from Rori (the e-book and reading here for over a year) has changed much of the dynamic between us and would solve a lot of the problems that made me leave. (The main one being that we could not have any conversation without it turning into a fight.) He is quiet and introverted when it comes to emotions. He would use ANYthing as a reason to get angry and storm out to avoid discussion. He never did like to talk about things.

    We have a 'date' on Sunday. We don't see each other often enough (which bothers me) so feel I have to "make the most" of each time. I don't like that at all.

    He calls nearly every nite, but our phone conversations are awkward and strained. I have to wait till we see each other to really use FMs, etc. He tells me each time that he loves me and misses me (although he isn't one to say 'I love you' a lot, so this is a step up.)

    Our relationship was one where we could be quiet and just "be" together. We didn't have to talk all the time. Over the years, I realized that I need a little bit more interaction than he does. I know I need to bring this up before I make any decisions.

    I also don't want to be the live-in gf. I want to be married—to feel cherished and protected. I invested a lot over the 12 years we were together and I deserve to feel like more than just a room mate or tenant in the house.

    He's been stepping up more than ever before, and said he'll do whatever it takes to get me back. But still, all very vague. (Again, I know I've already talked about this.)

    In a nutshell, I am scared and feeling aggravated that things are so undefined. I don't like this feeling of being in limbo. I don't want to push him away or act out any form of leaning forward—so not much has happened since the last time I posted about this.

    Just when I was starting to accept that the 'nothing' was my answer (as in "learn to accept 'no' for an answer")–he started calling more and talking about me moving back and now I'm confused. (He talks like we've discussed everything and we haven't discussed anything, really.)

    I know this isn't anything new at all—except that now I know for sure he's hiding something and wants me to come home—and I want to learn how to talk about all of this (perhaps not all at once, though.)



  383.  #383Lilybelle on August 5, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    381:

    And in my opinion, FlowerChild, these are the things that need to be expressed to him, from a place of surity and gentleness. I am not sure about the card playing thing but I don’t know that I would consider it a lie. I do believe there are many other scenarios about why he could have went to play cards after he said he wasn’t, you know. Maybe at the last minute, one of the dudes called and said..”We could really use you, so and so isn’t here so we don’t have enough people to play tonight”… The thing is, you just don’t know (Unless I missed something) and I would give him the benefit of the doubt or hell, simply ask him in a non accusatory way while you are talking, especially given his history of never having deceived you before. 12 years is a long time with no history of this.

    Maybe the conversations on the phone are a bit different as well because you feel mistrustful and he is waiting for you to tell him that you are coming home? And while I know that we aren’t supposed to be in their heads, it could be possible that he is turned inside out with thinking about all of this as well.



  384.  #384Emerson on August 5, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    Alias girl I feel triggered to read from you that if a siren does not respond to a piece of advice or a response from you, that you then decide to stop responding/interacting with her. Did I understand this correctly? I feel hesitant to interact with you after reading this and I don’t want to feel that way.
    I can only speak for myself, but please understand that sometimes I do not visit the blog daily and I miss some posts/responses from other sirens here and there…or I find them days later…and maybe don’t have time to reply. I feel bad reading that if you don’t get a reply that you are expecting that somehow I will be punished by not having interaction with you….it feels weird



  385.  #385Emerson on August 5, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    #41 alias girl says
    “….if i feel unacknowledged after spending time to offer my assistance or share my experience, i usually won’t respond to that person again because i feel bad to just dump my energy into a vacuum.”

    Alias girl this is what I was referring to in 383….I would like to understand this better because I want to keep interacting with you and I enjoy it….I don’t want to lose that, but now I feel self conscious that I have to reply to everything you post back to me or you will be “mad”….or not want to talk to me.



  386.  #386Emerson on August 5, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    I think it’s good that “new” sirens were posting that they felt ignored/unheard or what not…I felt that way at first too but I kept posting and responding to others and relating as best I could, feeling clumsy…but the interaction became more natural. I’m not used to blogging or online dating or any online anything very much, so for me it was kinda like an experiment and now I love interacting with all the sirens new and “old”….:-)



  387.  #387Emerson on August 5, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    re#13 Daria
    After reading this article by EMK I felt the same way, I don’t really get it.
    I mean, I understand the part about accepting your man as he is and being cool as a cucumber because you are soo confident in your relationship, but I’m not buying it that she is soo ok with him talking to other women and being too flirty. Maybe she lets it go but does she stuff the angry feelings down inside, express it to him or am I wrong and she really, truly does not care?
    Hmmmm…..I feel doubtful about this. If women are really truthful with themselves, I think most of us are pretty territorial and we will tolerate our man talking to females to a point, but we have limits.

    This article did not resonate with me at all, i felt that the message was, “ladies, you better accept a man and if he treats you bad tough shit, you better be easy going and by the way you are not being a doormat”

    Nowhere in the article did I see feeling messages or an example of how his wife does communicate with him if she is feeling uneasy, but is she so amazing that she NEVER EVER feels uneasy?

    This seems so UNREALISTIC that if that’s what I have to do, i might as well give up now and remain single. This article makes me sick.



  388.  #388Emerson on August 5, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    I am all for accepting a man who he is, flaws and all, but I don’t think this is a groundbreaking concept at all, it’s kind of a basic idea, was he just trying to give us examples of the things his wife puts up with?

    I don’t think all the examples seemed too bad…..he seems like a nice guy overall don’t get me wrong, but it came across kind of braggy like my wife and i have such a unique and amazing relationship its sooo unusual and great and amazing…blah blah blah….

    well all women are not that easygoing, most ARE NOT….so maybe this article is not very appealing to the masses of sirens…which is not wrong…..maybe she is more masculine energy…????
    I feel curious and want to understand the point of this article becaues right now I feel ANNOYED by it



  389.  #389Emerson on August 5, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    I got a bad reaction from my CD today so maybe that is why Im feeling so triggered.

    I told him that I don’t want our interactions to be about sexual stuff or potential sexual stuff but that I feel it’s important for me to make a connection with him (we have amazing chemistry)

    I don’t remember the exact conversation but he said at one point “…I may not want to talk to you anymore”….

    That felt really really bad….but almost in the same breath he was talking about taking a day off to spend together, doing non sexual stuff



  390.  #390LobbyStar on August 5, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    So earlier this year, I was in a r’ship with S. I was so insecure that if a day passed that he didn’t text me, I would freak out. I never let him see the freakiness, but my poor friends… had to endure my obsessing over it. If he said something that hurt my feelings, I never told him, but again, my poor friends heard all about it.

    I see now that I should have expressed it — in FMs. If it did not build the emotional connection I want, it probably would have ended the r’ship sooner, before he said the Three Words that tore me apart when he ended things.

    These days, post-Rori, I have about 11 guys in my rotation. Yesterday, one of them didn’t email. I did not freak. The day before, another one didn’t text. I did not freak. One guy I haven’t heard from him in almost 2 weeks, and I am not freaking.

    This is the biggest change in me, so far, and I have to say that I’m truly enjoying the lack of stress! And so are my friends! Ha!

    Btw, I work with S, so I still see him about 3 times a week. I have managed to get to the point where I can wave and smile at him (authentically) and sometimes even have a brief conversation. He gets annoyed if I do not acknowledge him in some way — what’s THAT about? — and avoids eye contact, which I find immensely amusing.

    I want to practice FMs and girliness with him.

    Anyway, just wanted to share my tidbit of growth.



  391.  #391Emerson on August 5, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    I mean I told him I don’t want our interactions to be ONLY about sexual stuff…..some is ok but I am feeling pressured to have sex and I’m not ready to with anyone right now



  392.  #392onna on August 5, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    Love, like flying a plane, is best done when you have instrumentation to guide you. For a long time I had no instruments, no gauges to tell me if I would crash or soar. Needless to say, there were lots of crashes, until I met Evan and his lovely wife.

    Just want to thank them for helping me find the love of my life. Evan does the hard work of helping women understand something profound…though to write it here, it sounds so obvious…that in giving to men exactly that which we want to receive ourselves (love, acceptance, joy, ease of use, understanding, fun, and sexiness) that we are able to enjoy a well balanced relationship free from insecurity, crap, drama, and uncertainty. Even better this love and acceptance can be experienced with a man whom we like, respect, and admire.

    Like Evan or lump Evan, he offers a view into the male mind that I know had never understood or had access to. He didn’t make me wrong for not knowing, he simply guided me into understanding the male perspective and engaged me in how to make better choices to achieve better outcomes. (I dumped the three jackasses I was dating because of Evan’s teachings: one was a cheater, the other was a player and the other was a narcissist). Much in the same way you would never throw food at a squirrel and expect it to come to you. Smart, successful women, don’t know they are constantly scaring away good men because it’s beyond our comprehension that everything we know is wrong. Bizarre I know! We’re so good and smart! How could we be wrong??

    Evan taught me how to feed a squirrel (keep a good man) and how not to throw food at it and scare it away. And he taught me how to gauge and recognize the bad ones, so as not to waste time.

    Sirens, it was precisely that lack of understanding about how to keep a man that had eluded me and kept me as single as the day is long for the better part of a decade.

    When I changed myself, my world changed. The acceptance I craved came, when I accepted the man in my life. The words of love came, when learned to stop demanding them. I was chosen, when I stopped telling him how to choose me. The “right” guy came, when I stopped making them wrong. And when I learned that it is my own confidence in them (men) and my acceptance of the man in my life that provided him with a confidence in me and an acceptance of me that that is when I finally found love…at 39. I learned this from Evan who generously shares how and why he fell for and married his wife. Cause who doesn’t want an awesome relationship with someone awesome?? I know I did!

    To finally be able to attract this smart, funny, and smokin’ hot man (who is my age! In L.A.!!!!) who supports my work, my emotions, and who really loves me, and who is the manly guy I’ve longed for, I had to first embrace a new belief: that it was possible that though I believed I was doing things right with men, that was possible that I really didn’t know…anything. I mean…nothing I had historically done had worked, so it really was possible everything I was doing was wrong. I was the only common denominator to all my experiences. That much I knew. I just didn’t know what to do right. Evan and all of his coaching, books and newsletters helped. I never thought I’d the girl writing one of these letters, but I am. Cause I finally learned how to be different and achieve different results.

    Though some things seemed counter intuitive, even an affront to my sense of myself at times, I was willing to try new things and consider what if Evan’s right? What if it was what I wasn’t doing that was the problem? What if what I was doing wrong was stuff I didn’t know I was doing wrong? What if it’s that simple that it’s how they feel about us that keeps them happy? I considered, what if I don’t have to run circles around myself to show them how great I am? What if my future love could love me…for me…flaws and all? What if I can have the relationship I’ve always wanted with the kind of guy I really needed (did I need womanizing A-hole to reinforce a bad view of myself, or did I need to learn how to be more confident (which allowed me to dump the womanizer), accepting (it cannot all be a deal breaker, cause then where do you go when it’s all a deal breaker?), patient (man time isn’t just for football), and fun (!)? What if?

    I followed Evan’s advice and am happy to say I found love with an amazing guy. And I take most any opportunity to tell Evan he is a gift of male wisdom most women don’t normally have access to. I’m telling you here now, because it’s possible that like me, there may be things beyond your own consideration and view, but which are waiting to be discovered by you. And what if Evan is right? Maybe you’re throwing food at your squirrel and wondering why he’s running away. Would that be so bad, really, if you knew how to “make” a guy stay? Or to change yourself enough to attract the kind of guy you really want and need?

    And if you learned how to do that, maybe, you too could find the love of your life! Or not. The choice is yours. All possibilities exist, you just have to choose one. Which are you choosing: make Evan wrong? or consider if he’s got a point? If you’re still single…maybe it’s worth it to consider his ideas, heck even try them on like a pair of sexy, new high-heeled shoes? You’ll walk funny at first, but eventually…you feel your best, most awesome in them!

    I studied his material like I was learning a new language and now I have a boyfriend. Just sayin’…

    In full disclosure, Evan is not just my dating coach, he and his wife are both close, dear friends of mine. They are probably some of the most generous loving, supportive people I’ve met in LA. Being able to witness their beautiful union has been a joy and they have helped me be able to set a high standard for what my dream marriage could look like, because, ladies, we should all be so lucky as to have a marriage based on mutual respect and honor, fun, and love! She is, as he says, patient, confident, funny, intelligent woman who is as capable in life as she is beautiful and who indeed makes him a better husband, because she really is such an awesome woman and wife. And we should all be so lucky to be married to a guy like Evan who knows it and cherishes it!

    I wish you the best in your search for love!



  393.  #393Emerson on August 5, 2011 at 8:14 pm

    Onno I am glad to hear about you finding true love, that is great.
    I did not get much advice from EMK’s article except to be impossibly magical and not get mad when your husband talks to a young girl at a pool party too long.
    I don’t know what other advice was in this article except not to get upset with your husband for anything and just be super cool as a cucumber. always.



  394.  #394FlowerChild77 on August 5, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    Lilybelle, thank you….

    He’s been playing for years and I know it happens all the time where they need an extra player. I guess I feel like my point is being missed, in that I felt the twinge/gut feeling/stomach flip ‘when’ he told me he wasn’t going–not after I found out he did. Does that make any sense? Same thing with the other times I learned about. There was the same feeling, I just didn’t know why until later. It wasn’t like “Oh! He played cards!” It was more like, “Hmmm…so that’s why I felt so odd when he said he wasn’t going.”

    I’m not going to say anything about it. Maybe it’s just a lesson for me about trusting my feelings.

    Our phone conversations have always been awkward. He’s just not much of a talker. And now, especially since I’ve been not leaning forward at all, not filling up dead silence and not trying to make plans—it’s even more strained than usual.

    I think about CDing all the time…what stops me is that I would be SO, SO hurt if he did. Crushed is more like it. 🙁 I feel silly and un-sireny saying that, but it’s true.



  395.  #395RiverGirl on August 5, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    @ 237:SLV
    “Cool! I might do one on the power of smell, depending upon research and exploration results.”

    Smells like a good idea to me!!



  396.  #396Senior Lady Vibe on August 5, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    @370: DE says:
    “…once in a relationship, it gets boring for a man to deal with another “man”…that’s one of the reasons, i believe, they loose sexual interest in us after the initial connection……”

    I don’t think of myself as an intellectual but I’m curious and I like to discuss things. I don’t believe this makes me a man and boring to a date. But to be on the safe side I could break out my grandmotherly knitting needles and whip this up to wear during our conversations about current events and the latest Spiderman movie…

    Spiderweb Brassiere
    http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/spiderweb-brassiere

    😀

    xoxo



  397.  #397Senior Lady Vibe on August 5, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    To be fair (if fair is not a no-no) I could knit the guy something too.

    I like the one in white with the cute little blue ribbons… for the cooler weather.

    Seamless Willie Warmer
    http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/seamless-willie-warmer

    xoxo



  398.  #398Senior Lady Vibe on August 5, 2011 at 9:35 pm

    @394: RiverGirl

    😀

    xoxo



  399.  #399Senior Lady Vibe on August 5, 2011 at 9:44 pm

    @377: Plum

    Thank you, Plum! I enjoyed the discussion of “smell” and “feel” and how they are used to describe our state of being.

    When women come to Siren Island their senses of smell and feel increase to super powers and they can smell and feel much beyond the powers of other human beings. It’s amazing! 😉

    I feel you.

    xoxo



  400.  #400Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    Alias Girl,

    RE: #331 – You said, “#157 Brenda. Thanks! I feel Great to be seen! Is your handbook available as an e download?”

    LOL! Well, darlin, it would be if I spent half as much time working on that as I do writing on this blog! But the blog is so fun!~ Hard to break away.

    Love, hugs, and prayers!
    Brenda



  401.  #401Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    Ella,

    RE: #251 – I read many, many of your posts and often don’t comment, only because of time limitations. But I really enjoy your posts!

    Lov, hugs, and kisses,
    Brenda



  402.  #402Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 10:10 pm

    EMK,

    RE: #131 – I apologize, Evan. Please see my posts on #133 and #162. I took back what I said after sleeping on it, even before I saw your post #131.

    I’ve been corresponding with men in prison for 22 years, and their corse language at times rubs off on me. Will you accept my apology?



  403.  #403Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    EMK,

    P.S. I think upon reflection what was cumming through there was my anger, not at you, but at men who have treated me with disrespect. I pray that that will be healed. There is a part of me that is very wounded by past relationships with men.



  404.  #404Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    SLV,

    RE: #398 – I agree! I’m bionic! Bet you didn’t know that! 🙂



  405.  #405Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 10:19 pm

    SLV,

    RE: #396 – LOL, You’re a scream! You never cease to surprise me with your zany style! You go knit Willie a Willie Warmer! You naughty little Siren, you!

    Love, hugs, and spanks on your naughty hiney!

    Brenda



  406.  #406Brenda on August 5, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    SLV,

    RE: #395 – LOL, naughty grandmother!



  407.  #407RiverGirl on August 5, 2011 at 10:26 pm

    346: Joann says:
    “I agree with evan here…but what gets me extremely irritated is the fact that men love to tell us women to change, even if its bad qualities…so what that’s what makes us who we are also right?”

    Yep, that was made me feel uncomfortable with his post too. In David Deida’s book, The Way of the Superior Man, he says this to men.

    “Asking a woman to analyze of try to fix her own emotions is a negation of her feminine core, which is pure energy in motion, like the ocean. She can learn to surrender her mood to God, she can learn to open her heart in the midst of closure, she can learn to relax her edges and trust love, but she will never ‘fix’ anything by analyzing her ‘problem.'”

    As I see it, we feel uncomfortable when a man tells us to fix ourselves. That is not to say we shouldn’t be open and accept that about a man (if he is a man we choose). When men do this, they are trying to give us their gift of direction. A superior man will understand when to do that and when to accept us as we are.



  408.  #408Evan Marc Katz on August 5, 2011 at 10:34 pm

    Thank you, Brenda. Thank you, Onna. And thank you to anyone who bothered to hear what I was trying to say.

    And Emerson?

    Your interpretation “Ladies, you better accept a man and if he treats you bad tough shit, you better be easy going and by the way you are not being a doormat”, could not be further from the truth.

    All you’re responsible is for being patient, trusting and accepting. You can’t do any better than your best. And, as I said in #121, “I am not at all suggesting that you should stay with a man who mistreats you. In fact, my advice is even stronger than Rori’s on this. Rori tries to help you finesse things and change your guy and make things work. I simply tell you to leave him to find a man whom you don’t need to change.”

    Oh, and @#123? Rori actually complimented me on the phone last week for being the only person out there who tells women to dump men, point blank, when you’re not getting the treatment you deserve.

    Telling YOU to be cooler and more trusting does not mean to put up with poor treatment. My wife is treated EXTREMELY well; she also knows better than to dissect all of my flaws on a daily basis.

    Read what Onna wrote in #391. I didn’t tell her to do it. I told her I was upset at how my empowering words have gotten so twisted. The point still remains the same – don’t freak out when your guy is being himself and you’ll have a much more successful relationship. And if you don’t like who he’s being… LEAVE.

    Yours, always.

    Evan



  409.  #409alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 10:41 pm

    #383 i was referring to when a siren specifically inquires about something such as you are doing right now.

    if you never acknowledge my response i won’t know that you even read it. if you did read it, then it seems to me it would be no problem to respond to it.

    if you are interested in a conversation then it seems to me one would ask and then be interested in the response.

    i don’t want to feel like i am giving my energy to people and they may not even be wanting or appreciating it.

    if it’s just some casual remark. whatevs. i don’t care, no big deal to me. but if it is something very specific such as you have asked right now where i take the time to respond with care then yes, that is how i feel.

    if it does not work for you. i understand and you will of course make your own choices that work best for you.

    i won’t ice the siren out. i mean if we were standing in a room or worked together i would still nod, say hello and what have you. i just don’t want to waste my energy on dud situations when there are other potential people i might be able to really get down with.



  410.  #410luzydel on August 5, 2011 at 10:46 pm

    So I talked to PO, the guy who sort of brought me to this site. I was cleaning some drawers and saw an old cell phone bill with his telephone number; I went like hmmm I wonder if he will answer the phone? I was perhaps leaning forward, but I did not feel that way because I had no expectations; it was just an act of curiousity more than an act of desperaton.

    Anyway he did not answer so I did not feel like leaving a message either. An hr later he called and said he saw my number and was so happy to hear from me 🙂 he is on vacation in Mexico with his daughter etc. etc.
    he thank me many times for contacting him lol.

    I screwed it up a year ago with this guy; he was great with me, but I did not know the tools I know now so I tried to control him, and acted very insecure.

    I compared how I feel now to how I felt then, and I admit I feel stronger. I am not expecting him to call back it has been almost a year since, but it was a good exercise for me.



  411.  #411alias girl on August 5, 2011 at 10:51 pm

    #123 emk. that’s nice. however, the statement made

    “Rori tries to help you finesse things and change your guy and make things work.”

    is still wildly inaccurate.

    this is absolutely not at all what rori’s teachings suggest.

    so i feel confused what your point is.

    Unless it was to tell me, alias girl, specifically, that “Rori complimented you on the phone last week for being the only person out there who tells women to dump men, point blank, when you’re not getting the treatment you deserve.”

    i feel confused. congratulations, i guess, on receiving rori’s compliment.

    ?

    still does not detract from the fact that the understanding of rori’s work seems minimal— at best.



  412.  #412luzydel on August 5, 2011 at 10:53 pm

    Ugh! anothe EMK cat fight! lol…well time to go back to my cave.



  413.  #413RiverGirl on August 5, 2011 at 11:04 pm

    @169
    Thanks for the book recommendations FW. Gay Hendricks sounds like a good place to start.



  414.  #414Ladybug on August 6, 2011 at 12:03 am

    Re: 392: Emerson

    What is the value of getting angry over your man talking to somebody?

    You either have trust or you don’t. If you don’t have a trustwrothy man, dump him and find one who is. If you don’t find any man trustworthy, then the issue is yours.



  415.  #415English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 12:17 am

    #343 Patricia

    Nothing’s been happening here, hence my feelings of meh. 😀

    Just too much work and too much boy energy going on….new job, new way of doing things, etc., just sooo tired…..

    Is it this weekend you get to meet up with LD man?



  416.  #416English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 12:18 am

    #321 Flowerchild

    I see nothing wrong in this post……..nothing……no need to apologise.



  417.  #417English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 12:30 am

    #370 DE

    quote

    “also from my experience, intellectual conversations with men…gets their interest…in a short term…not a long term…

    once in a relationship, it gets boring for a man to deal with another “man”…that’s one of the reasons, i believe, they loose sexual interest in us after the initial connection…”

    I don’t understand or like this at all.

    So what are we supposed to do if we are somewhat intelligent? Dumb it down for the rest of our lives or talk about sparkly unicorns, rainbows and z list celebs?

    This is triggering me and making me angry……..



  418.  #418English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 12:37 am

    FU*K I am so bloody angry now

    If a man doesn’t want me as I am well he can go and f**k right off

    I will not dumb myself down EVER AGAIN

    If he can’t keep up with me then goodbye

    I don’t want a dumb boring man

    I want a man who can keep up with my intelligence and if that means he loses sexual interest well then its goodbye too

    Who the f**k made up these rules? Is this a Rori Raye thing I have to be some dumb bloody blonde when I am not??

    I dont want to talk about z list celebs and stupid TV shows about stupid dumb people…….

    Arrggghghhhgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh



  419.  #419English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 12:39 am

    Je sens la moutarde me monter au nez = I feel the mustard coming up my nose = I am becoming angry



  420.  #420English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 12:47 am

    #391 Onna

    Bleugh……….meh……….feels like a party political broadcast to me, skipping the words…………..it feels like an advertisement to me and non genuine……….



  421.  #421English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 12:50 am

    #391 Emerson

    Exactly!! 😀

    It would be nice to hear Mrs K’s voice on here saying what she FEELS about all this, not Mr K speaking on her behalf…….



  422.  #422English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 12:51 am

    #393 sorry 🙁



  423.  #423English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 12:51 am

    #392 I meant LOL!!



  424.  #424English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 12:53 am

    #395 SLV

    LOL!! 😀

    I don’t believe I have enough wool ha ha!!



  425.  #425English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 12:55 am

    #396 SLV

    😀 😀 😀

    I would like to buy a LARGE ball of wool to knit one of these for my future man LOL!!



  426.  #426Corin on August 6, 2011 at 2:02 am

    381- Flowerchild. I saw nothing abusive in what you wrote! I haven’t seen the responding post you were referring to but is there a possibility you interpreted something to be about you that wasn’t?

    You say that you don’t use FMs on the phone. My thoughts are that it would be great to start! They are not just intended for him to hear but also for us to become closer to ourselves.

    Have you been clear with him that you want to get married, feel torn, are concerned about his anger, need for more intimacy etc? I would be inclined to take away the urgency factor which is never helpful and take as long as it takes before you move back in. Maybe a proposal and some time spent together with the kind of intimacy you are looking for first.

    I remember you writing about putting pressure on yourself to decide whether to go or stay due to housing situations. My suggestion if this is not resolved is you find somewhere confortable to live and start to focus on you, enjoy your life and see whether he can step up. If you are focussed on him, it makes it harder for him to then have the space to reflect, realise how important you are to him and make real steps forward.

    This is all a bit ‘advisory’ or ‘telling’ and I really hope it doesn’t trigger you into believing you have done something wrong! You are doing your best and that’s all we can do. I’m just offering my perspective on it. You are the best person to know what’s right for you
    xxxxxxx



  427.  #427Corin on August 6, 2011 at 2:09 am

    393 Flowerchild.
    CDing doesn’t need to involve other men, it can be your friends, yourself, family, whatever makes your heat sing!
    xx



  428.  #428Corin on August 6, 2011 at 2:09 am

    sp. heart!



  429.  #429Corin on August 6, 2011 at 2:14 am

    407 EMK

    “And thank you to anyone who bothered to hear what I was trying to say.”

    Given that my aim here is to learn to communicate without passive aggression, I don’t find this too inspiring!!

    Hmmm….I do get a sense of a certain amount of bear baiting here and I feel guilty.



  430.  #430Corin on August 6, 2011 at 2:23 am

    My thoughts are moving to CC talking about how communication is ALL in the response. If someone doesn’t ‘get’ you or hears you, It’s time to go back to the drawing board.



  431.  #431Rosa on August 6, 2011 at 3:38 am

    377 Plum, I really enjoyed the lesson on French and engl;ish subtleties. I love that language is a code .
    I love that French codes feelings so subtly.



  432.  #432Patricia on August 6, 2011 at 4:00 am

    414 EW

    so good to read your post! In reading your thoughts on”nothing happening” …and boy energy doing it’s thing I wanted to share this with you for fun….I stumbled upon it in Mike Dooley’s book Notes from the Universe….(maybe it resonates with others here too)

    ” Do you know what happens just before something really incredible takes place? Something mind-blowing? Just before a really huge dream comes through?

    Nothing.

    Nothing happens. At least not in the physical world.

    So if perchance right now it appears that absolutely nothing is happening in you life…….

    consider it a sign. “



  433.  #433Patricia on August 6, 2011 at 4:05 am

    EW
    yes and about LD…..he continues to blow me away…..he will arrive next weekend (he did want to come this past week but timing for me would not work so he willingly rescheduled). We have talked openly about what this situation is….the long distance of 7 hrs on the road between our homes…..and agreed to explore slowly with curiousity most of all….in texts, on the phone in email he has been attentive, kind, consistent, reliable and as I express more and more FM he opens up…..it’s an amazing thing….and I am not leaning forward!….

    and yes….things were quiet in my life before he came along………like nothing was happening…….

    🙂



  434.  #434Patricia on August 6, 2011 at 4:09 am

    oh yes and one more thing…..this LD has shown up at a time when though not a lot of “single men” are here to actively CD……there are two or three who kind of “float” …I hear from them occasionally…..but so many friends (including men) have been inviting me to golf, dinner, one guy friend even invited me flying in his small plane again……..like I’m CDing my world….its a wonderful thing and helps keep LD in perspective…..

    🙂



  435.  #435Butterfly Wings on August 6, 2011 at 4:12 am

    Alright people. Why is it that many of you are so fired up about what EMK had to say?

    He’s a guy, who’s telling us what he (as a guy) likes and doesn’t like in a woman. I value this kind of information!!! Bring it on!!!!

    Nowhere in his post does he say to put up with being treated badly. And more than once since he’s said that if your guy treats you bad, then leave. I agree!

    This is really just him giving his opinion from a male perspective. He’s happily married, and I assume his wife is too, so don’t you think we all have something to learn from him? Obviously they’ve gotten SOMETHING right!

    So why is he being shot down by people on here who have NOT found the kind of relationship they want? What in him is triggering you? Could it be that he’s pointing out what you might be doing wrong with every guy you meet and you’re not ready to see it?

    I don’t know because I don’t know you. But his post definitely prompted me to look at how I have interacted with each and every man in my past, and it is clear to me that I have done a LOT wrong! Thanks EMK! 🙂

    And do you all really think his intentions are to attack or hurt us in any way? If not, then why is he being attacked for stating things from his perspective? I don’t get it???

    The same goes for Rusty. I personally skipped over most of his posts and only because they were soooo long, but I never thought he was trying to upset anyone on purpose and I knew his intentions were good (I really do believe he was trying to help), even though I may not have agreed with everything he said and couldn’t see myself with a guy like him. But if I didn’t agree with some things he said, then so what? It was nothing more than a difference of opinion, right?

    We can’t all possibly expect everyone to see things exactly how we do, and if a guy is happy to share how he sees things, then I’m more than happy to listen and learn. Ok, I may not agree with all that he says, but surely there’s one little snippet of information he can give me that will make me a better partner to a future man.

    I’m not sure I agree with EMK that Rori teaches us about how we can change a man either, but that’s just EMK’s opinion. Why get so upset about it? It’s how he perceives it. I perceive it differently. So what? I’m certainly not going to attack him over it because he’s just stating things from his perspective.

    Ok, rant over. I really really really apologise if I have offended any of you. I just feel as though there’s a lot of cr@p going on here over nothing and it feels sooo bad to see these negative comments aimed at other people on here.

    Just remember, many (actually, most) of us are single. His wife is not.

    She is obviously doing SOMETHING right, and EMK was kind enough to tell us about it, in his own words.

    Remember too, people. EMK might not be your kind of guy, but to someone else (his wife), he’s wonderful. Everybody clicks with certain personality types. He just might not be your “type”.

    So with this in mind, why can’t we all just agree that we are all different, so we will see things differently sometimes, but we are all here to help each other?

    Ok, I feel better now – I’ve been wanting to say this for a LONG time! 😀



  436.  #436Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 4:20 am

    RE 434 Well said Butterfly Wings. Bravo.



  437.  #437Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 4:23 am

    Onna thank you for sharing. I felt really touched by your comments.



  438.  #438Butterfly Wings on August 6, 2011 at 4:25 am

    P.S. I forgot to add, that yeah sometimes these boys act a little “self righteous” and egotistical and can be a little over the top, but aren’t most guys like that anyway?

    My experience says they are, and for me, like in EMK’s post above, I’m more than happy to just let them be.

    Appreciate him for his good traits, love him for the times he treats you right, and decide if his flaws are really worth fighting about. If they’re not, then let it go, otherwise it’s time to walk away, because picking on him about it is not going to change him.

    Do that and your life will be soooo much easier!

    So sorry again if I have upset any of you. I hate conflict, and I hate it even more when it’s aimed at people who are so obviously trying to help each other. 🙁

    Please be more understanding of the fact that we can’t all possibly perceive things the same way and please remind yourself often that everybody here truly wants to help each other so if you’re perceiving something negatively, then maybe you need to consider why that is… xxxxx



  439.  #439Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 4:25 am

    RE 413 Yes Ladybug yes.



  440.  #440English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 4:29 am

    #434 Butterfly Wings

    Nice response, but everybody on this site is entitled to their own opinion, even those of us who didn’t like the EMK blog.

    What if the next blog is about something I like and you don’t?

    Will you agree with said next blog just to go along with everybody else or will you state your preference?



  441.  #441Butterfly Wings on August 6, 2011 at 4:30 am

    Thank you FW. xxx

    Ok, changing the subject now. TH had a “surprise” organised for tonight as you know and guess what?? He messed up the dates!!! lol

    I thought he had organised a nice dinner. But I was wrong.

    He had in fact organised a night up the coast at a 5 star hotel!!!!! OMG!!!

    It had a Jacuzzi and everything!!!!! WOW!

    But he messed up the dates, and had actually booked it for next weekend. Problem is, I have my girls the next three weekends in a row, so we’ll have to reschedule for a weekend after that. Darn!

    We were out earlier, and I commented on how nice a day it would be up the coast today! hehe! I’m soooo evil!!! 😉

    Feeling very cherished night regardless though. He cooked me a lovely dinner and I’m feeling very relaxed after drinking most of the bottle of wine he bought me to take away with us… 🙂



  442.  #442Butterfly Wings on August 6, 2011 at 4:35 am

    #439 FW – Good question! 🙂

    If the next blog was about something I didn’t agree with, then I may say something like “I don’t agree with this because….”.

    But never in a million years will I focus my comments on the poster himself/herself.

    It’s not about the person, but about the message.

    As I said before, we can’t all possibly see things from the same perspective, so of course we can’t all agree on every opinion posted here.

    But if I disagree, then it’s not my right to attack the poster or to speak negatively of them. My disagreement is about ME and what I think about the topic – not the person. Nothing more.

    Of course like everyone, I clash with people and to be honest, I think the best course of action is to not respond to them or aim comments at them at all. To do so only creates anger and tension, and my personal belief is that life is WAAAYYY too short for that kind of thing.

    What do you think? 🙂



  443.  #443Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 4:36 am

    FlowerChild all I can say is pay attention to your gut. I have heard several coaches including CCarter and Lauren Frances say to tell guys “it was a gut feeling”. You might be wrong but talking about it will at least get it cleared up. While talking to him if you stay in your gut you will get a feeling of whether the truth is being told. He might have lied but it could be a make or break moment as CCarter talks about it. It could be a moment and opportunity to make a new commitment. If he really can feel your need for truth and honesty I believe he can be inspired to change. Just don’t demand it, he can be inspired. He is not perfect but he can choose to change if the relationship means enough to him. He just might not understand how possible lying causes you to feel deeply wounded. If you don’t come across as angry but mainly sad it might change things if you share the deep sadness. You could only feel this way because he and the relationship mean so much to you. If you want your team to work that is what I would focus on if I was you, in the discussion. The lie, if there was one, is a threat to the team. He has to feel that for himself.



  444.  #444Butterfly Wings on August 6, 2011 at 4:36 am

    Oops that was for EW not FW! I’ve had too many wines! 😉



  445.  #445Butterfly Wings on August 6, 2011 at 4:38 am

    I think the bottom line is, we should all keep in mind that everybody who posts on here is doing so with the very best of intentions.

    Don’t you all agree? 🙂



  446.  #446Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 4:40 am

    RE 440 He is human, men forget. Your confidence and trust in his love for you will help him along. I love the energy I feel in your words.



  447.  #447Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 4:43 am

    RE 444 Particularly the people Rori “invites” to write articles on “her” blog. To me that shows respect for Rori and her guests. I do not invite my guests to my house to insult them is how I look at it. I can respectfully disagree with what they are saying. Keeping only our opinions create in my mind such a small world with limited resources. I love to revel in abundance.

    I would love to see an article from Rori about mutual respect.



  448.  #448Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 4:45 am

    RE 441 I totally agree with BW. Life is way too short. I am open to learning from whoever is willing to share their experiences with me. It has to be a reason why they have arrived where they are at.



  449.  #449English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 4:52 am

    #441 BW

    I think the idea is good in principle, but if you are triggered, then you are triggered, and isn’t what this blog is all about? How you FEEL?

    Now in real life I wouldn’t comment on anything like this at all, instead I would stuff down my feelings, say nothing and walk away.

    I am here to learn to do things differently…….

    I am sorry if it came out as a personal attack but obviously something triggered me here…….

    BTW Butterfly this is in no way a confrontational thing going on here, you may have not been on the blog that long but last year there were some real humdingers, so be prepared to get your tin hat on and duck for cover. 🙂



  450.  #450Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 4:54 am

    RE 428 Corin it is those little things why I have said EMK comes across harsh in his words. But looking at the bigger picture the good things outweigh the bad things is my thinking, so why complain. I get stuck on a few words when there is more on the overall picture. Is my guy going to say all the right words and do everything that I want? Are humans that simple? I really don’t think so. As such in my life I let go of the foibles now, that is one of the things that used to mess up my LTR. Even at work and with my kids. I have an email from another coach who talks about what we focus on, events vs words etc. I have also seen Tinque share an experience where she was missing the message from her lover because she wasn’t focussing on the bigger picture of his consistent actions. These kinds of things help me to zoom in on why I am here. I have also seen Rori talk in her article about the Carnival of Feelings how we can choose to respond to our feelings.



  451.  #451Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 5:00 am

    EMK with all that has been I find myself with respect for your wife. It must not be easy to be married to be you consider the things you must experience as a result. I also assume that the persona you take on as a coach must include a strong suit of armor which you have to take off when you “get” home.



  452.  #452Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 5:02 am

    RE 450 Correction with all that has been said. And considering the things you must experience as a result of being a coach to women.



  453.  #453Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 5:02 am

    Hats off to you EMK.



  454.  #454Butterfly Wings on August 6, 2011 at 5:28 am

    448: English Woman

    EW, what exactly is triggering you about this post and why? I’m curious. 🙂

    I personally was not triggered by this post at all, and what EMK had to say actually caused a lightbulb to come on because I could clearly see what I was doing in my past relationships.

    So you were triggered yet I said “Ah huh!”. See how the same message has been received in two completely different ways??

    I find that truly fascinating! 🙂 We are such amazing human beings!

    I’ve seen all of the spats over the last year and a half on this blog and to be honest, I have wondered what anybody gained from them. All I saw was women who were crying as they typed their comments, people leaving the blog, and women who were too afraid to comment for fear of offending anybody. Was it all worth it? I’m thinking not.

    Could it just be something as simple as the fact that we’re not all voicing our opinions when we are triggered, in a non-attacking way?

    I’m like you EW and in the past have been great at stuffing my feelings too. Through Rori I’ve learned to speak up a lot more, and most importantly I’ve made every effort to not make my feeling messages into an attack. It’s HARD not to do that but like you I’m here to learn how to do things differently. I suppose these things take time.

    Even when I see people on here saying things like “I feel unheard”, I think to myself, if I was a guy I’d take that as an attack and would need to defend myself! I wonder if guys actually feel like that when this is said? EMK? Rusty?? I’m curious about that too cos that’s just how I would feel if somebody said that to me.

    What I see here is that yet again EMK feels the need to “defend” himself – yet again. We don’t HAVE to agree with him. I don’t even agree with everything Rori posts. But she’s here to help us and I take from her message what I want to, and I’m grateful to her (and to EMK) for taking the time to make this information available to us.

    As you said earlier, “it feels like EMK has put himself on his own pedestal and views himself as the prize…”. Is this really a “feeling” or just your opinion of EMK?

    I suppose this is the sort of thing I’m referring to. It could also be that I’m triggered by conflict (9 years with a verbally and emotionally abusive husband will do that to a girl!), and I’m extra sensitive to it, so when I read that, I took it as an attack at EMK, even though it may have been the last thing you wanted to do (please don’t take my comments as an attack either – like you, I want to learn and I’m trying to understand your thinking).

    I’m not sure, but I know what makes my guy react positively and I know what makes him react negatively. I’m learning from that and from Rori (and EMK and CCarter) and applying what I learn and it’s improved my life sooooo much! Thanks for listening!

    xxxxxxx



  455.  #455Jade on August 6, 2011 at 5:33 am

    160 – Brenda:

    Thank you, it feels nice being here. 🙂

    161 – FW:

    Sometimes, words on a monitor don’t convey all the power they really have. I can assure you that my apology came from the heart, otherwise I wouldn’t be here anymore. I am sorry if you didn’t “feel” the truthfulness behind them.



  456.  #456Butterfly Wings on August 6, 2011 at 5:34 am

    @450 Yep I agree. She must be an amazing woman!

    I’m not sure I could be with a man whose life is dedicated to helping women find their man and therefore means he spends a lot of his days in contact with other women!

    Hmm.. maybe that’s an insecurity I have exposed there??? Interesting…! 😉



  457.  #457Butterfly Wings on August 6, 2011 at 5:47 am

    Here’s what I see I did wrong with both my marriages:

    Hubby #1 (verbally and emotionally abusive):
    – I was controlling – finances, planning, all that sort of thing. I saved him from losing his house.
    – I picked on him for many (if not all!) of his faults! OMG!
    – I nagged him – a LOT
    – I never took no for an answer
    – I always had to get my way
    – I never made it in his best interests to treat me any better
    – Never communicated using FM’s

    Hubby #2 (he cheated):
    – Controlling – I controlled EVERYTHING – and he let me!
    – Nagging
    – Picking on him for his faults
    – Not accepting his wishes and goals
    – Never communicated using FM’s

    With both men, I was VERY much in my masculine energy for most of the time, and with hubby #1 who was very masculine, it’s not surprising that we butted heads all the time! I also never gave him a good reason to change his ways because he knew that no matter how badly he treated me, I’d stick around.

    9 years later I woke up and he was surprisingly devastated!

    With hubby #2 it was like I was married to another woman! Bleurgh! He was my WIFE! I was definitely the man, and very much in masculine energy. Yuk.

    With both men, I never got the chance to be a woman, I rarely pampered myself, never did girlie things and was never able to just be a woman!

    I also picked on them for their flaws. This post really highlighted how much that can impact a relationship. OMG!

    But thinking back, I eventually realised with both that their flaws were deal breakers and that’s why the marriages ended. If only I’d not waited 9 and 8 years respectively to do that! Instead I tried to change them! Impossible!

    Now here I am with the most masculine man I know, and I have learned (the hard way) that I really need to step back and let HIM be the man!

    I also need to trust that he has my best intentions in mind, and that he really is capable of organising things without my help (even though this weekend he didn’t quite get there! lol).

    I also need to stop thinking about the future and where we are headed. I don’t want to be married right now, nor do I want him to move in (eeek!), so what I have for now is perfectly fine, as long as he treats me right.

    Taking me away for a weekend (or at least having the intention to) is a great start! 🙂 Oh and of course he’s a fabulous cook and has proven that to me two nights in a row! Yay TH!!!!!

    So what do I need to do more of? I need to show a LOT more appreciation for the little things he does. I think that will make a huge difference.

    Might go do that now…!



  458.  #458Emoticon on August 6, 2011 at 6:07 am

    I must say it sounds better in her own words…. more like a woman with control over her emotions and actions and less like a pet



  459.  #459Lilybelle on August 6, 2011 at 6:21 am

    396:

    BWAhhhhahahahahahahahaha!!!

    First, I need a willie and then I too shall learn to knit one.

    😉



  460.  #460Lilybelle on August 6, 2011 at 6:31 am

    There is no way in hell I’d come to this blog if I was Mrs. EMK.. NO WAY!



  461.  #461Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 6:35 am

    RE 454 Hugs Jade. I am sure of the truthfulness. I just wanted to point out to you that it comes across as surgical. Rori and Tinque encourages some purring, oooohhhs and awwss and I feel etc so that people can really get to know you and really feel you. My point in bringing it to your attention is just to try and encourage you to use it a bit here so it comes naturally in real life. I find as I incorporate it more and more into my life I relax even deeper into myself.



  462.  #462Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 6:36 am

    RE 459 Amen. I wanted to say it earlier but this feels more powerful that I could have said it Lil.



  463.  #463Lilybelle on August 6, 2011 at 6:36 am

    444:

    Here Here. If I had a Bloody Mary in my hand at the moment, I’d raise it to you and all you have written this morning…well, morning to me. lol

    I will be raising a glass at the PGA Tournament today and will be sure to raise to you then.



  464.  #464Butterfly wings on August 6, 2011 at 6:39 am

    Oooo enjoy the golf Lillybelle!! I shall have another wine to celebrate for you! 😉



  465.  #465Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 6:40 am

    What I see is the loss of some of Rori’s words on our psyche, “Choose your Words”. Though we feel what we feel our intention is usually to create harmonious loving relationships. My words are also a powerful tool to create that.



  466.  #466Lilybelle on August 6, 2011 at 6:43 am

    461:

    Yea, my energy is a little bit “up” with my perceptions of disrespect, both to EMK and Rori. It’s my issue perception so I need to deal with it.



  467.  #467Lilybelle on August 6, 2011 at 6:44 am

    463:

    You Go, Girl!!! I love wine too!!!

    What time of the day is it where you are?



  468.  #468Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 6:45 am

    RE 456 Yayyy BW BW BW BW BW.

    Forgive yourself for the mistakes, learn from them and move on. I like it.



  469.  #469Butterfly Wings on August 6, 2011 at 6:46 am

    Oh and thank you Lillybelle. I was hoping I wasn’t the only one thinking this way! 🙂

    And yep FW (464) I get ya loud and clear there!

    I’ve just learned so much here and have enjoyed reading everyone’s stories, many of which I could relate to, and I feel really sad to see so much tension in what’s supposed to be a “safe and harmonious” place.

    If we were all coming from a place where we know that no matter what someone says, they do have good intentions, is it possible that most of that tension could disappear because our focus will therefore be on the positives of what’s being said?

    Hmm…! Ok, going to go and snuggle with TH now. Night everyone!

    xxxx



  470.  #470Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 6:46 am

    Can’t join you on the golf course but I just got back from Zumba and going to tennis in a few. Enjoy the teeing.



  471.  #471Lilybelle on August 6, 2011 at 6:49 am

    456:

    Woman, you are on Fire!!!



  472.  #472Mel on August 6, 2011 at 6:49 am

    Patricia:
    “Do you know what happens just before something really incredible takes place? Something mind-blowing? Just before a really huge dream comes through?

    Nothing. Nothing happens. At least not in the physical world.

    So if perchance right now it appears that absolutely nothing is happening in you life……. consider it a sign. “

    OMG, there must be something absolutely amazing in store for me! LOL. Thanks for that! 🙂



  473.  #473Mel on August 6, 2011 at 6:52 am

    Heehee! I’m noticing a really funny trend. I always say “next” to any daily match who lists his favorite TV programme as “Two and a Half Men.”

    Sorry, dude, you just lost me! 😉



  474.  #474Lilybelle on August 6, 2011 at 6:55 am

    463:

    Oh, I imagine it will be very easy to enjoy the tournament from the VIP EXECUTIVE BOX…lol!!

    A huge buffet table filled with all sorts of delicious treats, a wide assortment of adult beverages, air conditioning and the company of CD#2, PLUS a room full of rich dudes.

    All FREE! Yes, I am polishing up my elbows to I can rub them with the wealthy. lol!!!



  475.  #475Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 6:57 am

    Get your “All That” going girl and flirt with anyone who looks at you.



  476.  #476Mel on August 6, 2011 at 6:57 am

    Also I’m feeling a little twinge of self-doubt. One of the men I was corresponding with seems super nice and interesting and we were having a really great conversation. He was flirty and I could see us getting along well. He asked for a photo… I emailed one. Now I haven’t heard back from him in a couple days.

    No, Mel… it’s NOT because he thinks you’re unattractive! Don’t be silly! You are super cute!!

    It appears, actually he hasn’t even been on the site in a couple days… he likely just hasn’t seen it yet.

    Relax Mel… breathe, lean back. He’ll contact you if he wants.

    Ok… I feel better. Going to get dressed and tend to my bees! 🙂



  477.  #477Mel on August 6, 2011 at 6:58 am

    I hope you have a blast Lilybelle! It sounds super fun!



  478.  #478Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 7:03 am

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/you-get-love-6-week-teleclass/

    *** – Circular Dating no matter WHAT stage of relationship you’re in.
    Learn to…
    • Flirt with all men – even when yours is standing right next to you.
    • Be sexually, emotionally, spiritually and mentally OPEN to ALL men – no matter where you are, who they are, or if your man is standing right next to you.
    • Have sex with whoever you want whenever you want without damaging your self-esteem or your dating life – and how to use your sexuality and sensuality to get emotionally closer to a man
    • Stay motivated to have a “life” outside a man
    • Build romance all around you no matter what



  479.  #479Lilybelle on August 6, 2011 at 7:09 am

    474:

    I have it swirling all around me, it hasn’t reached full capacity yet but it’s getting up there! lol!!!!

    xoxox



  480.  #480Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 7:10 am

    FlowerChild I am wondering if this could help you with your situation

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/category/bethanys-story/

    Here was my answer to her:
    “Bethany, This was totally brilliant! Can you see? – read your letter as if it were someone else – can you see how you used feeling messages and he responded so well?
    Can you see how leaning back all day and forgetting about him brought him close? I know it sounds mystical – but that’s exactly the way it works.
    I believe a man can feel your energy even from far away. So you work on yourself, and he follows.
    He LIKED the way you spoke to him, and he invited you to talk to him about this stuff – you just got closer!
    Now – don’t take the backwards step of “maybe I shouldn’t have said that, and that I ruined the mood?” or “But maybe I look strong, do you think? “ – can you see how you’re doubting yourself, analyzing – getting into your head?
    When this happens – use all my Tools that come to you to get OUT of your head, and back into your feelings and most of all – your BODY.
    Please pat yourself on the back and give yourself the biggest hug for coming this far so fast! Love, Rori”
    Here’s how Bethany’s process can help you: I’m all about the truth – and all about helping YOU tell the truth, no matter how scary it feels.
    The first time you try it – let it be about Little things – things that don’t make you feel terrified, but give you a little buzz of excitement in your tummy just thinking about SAYING anything about them – even the weather qualifies sometimes – if we’ve been sitting on our feelings for a long, long time.
    Try it, and let me know how it unfolds for you.
    Love, Rori



  481.  #481English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 7:17 am

    #431 Patricia

    Oh I love that!! Like the calm before the storm. 😀

    I get those Mike Dooley notes from The Universe emailed to me and boy sometimes it really synchs with the way I am feeling on that day!



  482.  #482English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 7:23 am

    #433 Patricia

    Sounds like you are a little ball of fire right now who is vibrational alignment!!

    Been listening to Abraham youtubes quite a bit this past week and I have to thank you SO MUCH as I didn’t always “get” the books but I find it so much easier with real live people asking everyday questions. All that segmenting and escrow (I had to look up what that meant as it is not a common English word :)) but now it is becoming much clearer, well with that and being back on this blog after my long holiday with my boy, it’s time to get my girl gear on again. 😀

    Just bought 2 really pretty bracelets today and 3 necklaces last week, all in the sales, such fun.



  483.  #483Jade on August 6, 2011 at 7:25 am

    #460 – FW:

    Oh, I see what you mean now, thanks for bringing this to my attention. I’ll have to practice being a little bit more “girlie”, I guess – it just doesn’t come naturally to me. More work to do! 🙂

    Can anyone tell me what “riffing” is all about? I guess I must’ve missed that one…



  484.  #484English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 7:26 am

    Oh and Patricia, I am growing to like this LD man more and more, sounds like a real good guy. 🙂



  485.  #485Femininewoman on August 6, 2011 at 7:32 am

    I like alias girl’s riffing. If you read some of the past articles you will see them. Daria has been described by Rori as the queen of riffing. I would encourage you to read the past posts to get a sense of how to do it.



  486.  #486English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 8:04 am

    #453 Butterfly Wings

    A feeling or an opinion about EMK’s article?

    I don’t know, I have just read it again and I still don’t like it……

    Perhaps it was this:

    “I’m constantly telling my wife how she can be more efficient.”

    Or this:

    “lose my shit because I can’t find my Bluetooth.”

    Or maybe it somehow seems (to me) that his wife comes across as a doormat just like he says (and WHY does he say that?)

    “If YOU think that this makes her a doormat (as I suspect some of you do), that’s your prerogative.”

    And yes it IS my pregrative………

    I have just gone back over my comments and I really think they were very mild. As you say there have been some right old catfights and bitch fests on here and this is not one of them. 🙂

    And Lilybelle # 465 I have no idea why you think it is disrespectful to Rori for people to have opinions that are not in alignment with the guest speaker???

    I have bought some RR DVD’s and let’s face it they are not exactly cheap and I like to come on here and learn from whoever I feel a connection to, it doesn’t always mean we have to agree with each article and everything about it or even every other Siren on this blog……



  487.  #487Lilybelle on August 6, 2011 at 8:05 am

    481:

    EW~

    I adore bracelets!!!

    So fun!!



  488.  #488Lilybelle on August 6, 2011 at 8:08 am

    485:

    Thank Goodness we don’t all agree on everything, it would be a very boring world if we did. As I said, it was just my perception and mine to struggle with.



  489.  #489Lilybelle on August 6, 2011 at 8:12 am

    I kind of feel scolded and finger wagged at.

    I’m okay with that.



  490.  #490Emoticon on August 6, 2011 at 8:16 am

    I leaned forward a little bit with this guy that i met at school sum months ago and he leaned WAAAAAAAY forward 🙂 it was pretty awesome. cuz when i flirted with him i didnt know what to expect. I wasn’t expecting anything really, i just did it cuz i felt like it. Im glad i did!!! LOL



  491.  #491Senior Lady Vibe on August 6, 2011 at 8:16 am

    @406: RiverGirl says:
    “..She can learn to surrender her mood to God, she can learn to open her heart in the midst of closure, she can learn to relax her edges and trust love, but she will never ‘fix’ anything by analyzing her ‘problem.’..””

    I don’t believe this applies to all women. (I accept if you never fix anything by analyzing your problem.) I “analyze and fix” all the time. I believe I could even use the “Rosa Stop tool” and do some fixing also.

    That’s just me of course and my sisters, mother, grandmothers, aunts, DDIL, granddaughter, cousins, nieces, step-daughter, mother-in-law, great grandmothers, aunts, assorted female friends, colleagues and acquaintances.

    😀

    xoxo



  492.  #492Corin on August 6, 2011 at 8:16 am

    Just back from CD 2 of 3 this week. No connection/ attraction at all!

    I know Rori suggests we should remain open to all men but I do find it hard when I’m not attracted at all. I notice myself start to close up because I really don’t want them to be attracted to me. To imagine them thinking of me in a sexual way feels really uncomfortable! I almost try to get them to not like me. In fact I do try to get them to not like me.

    We went to an exhibition of Japanese modern art. He was clearly not comfortable with more modern art but then why suggest we go! I know I spoke about art in my profile and he was trying to do something I would like but well, it was such a turn off when he was dismissive of it. I don’t expect everyone I date to share the same interests as me but I do expect them to have a considered opinion why the don’t like something. Hmmm….that’s a good thing. I’m clearer on whay I’m looking for.



  493.  #493English Woman on August 6, 2011 at 8:20 am

    #488 Lily

    Sorry to make you feel like that, I am not your mummy……. as much as I am not any man’s mummy (mommy) 😀