How To Attract Him Long-Distance – Just On The Phone

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When all you have is the phone, email and texts to keep in touch with the man you love, because you live in different cities or even different countries, you have to know how to use what you’ve got.

(In my Heart Connection Toolkit CD set, I teach you the Goodnight Talk, and walk you through how to do it – you can get it here, along with in-depth instructions on how to do Feeling Messages all the time: Heart Connection Toolkit) – and here are a some basics for now:

1.   Do NOT talk business, logistics, plans or run through your day, your week, your evening.  In other words – stay away from FACTS and DESCRIPTIONS.

2.   Instead, say how you FEEL about all these things.  That could sound like (all you have is the phone, remember) “I felt so thrilled when my new client came in today…” or “I felt so overwhelmed with all the papers on my desk, and now it just feels so good to hear your voice…”

Practice doing this – the Toolkit will help you tremendously – everywhere you are, all the time, with everyone, so that when it comes time to speak to your man, you’ll be able to do it without thinking.

If he calls at a regular time each day, make sure you’re relaxed, sitting (or lying down) with something soft on your body and in your lap (like a cat, dog, cup of tea or a satin pillow) and speak in Feeling Messages, even if you’re talking about travel plans.

You’re staying away from describing your life and what you want and what’s happening, and going for experiencing your life and what you want and feel and what’s happening – and then sharing that experience and those feelings about the experience.

Try it – it’s a completely different way to be with a man, even over the phone, in texts and emails – and it will get you completely different results with your man.

Everything will feel easier, smoother, juicier, sexier, closer, more intimate, more thrilling, more tingly – and he’ll call more, too!

Let me know how this works for you…

Love, Rori



  1.  #1Kat on September 5, 2008 at 9:23 am

    This is great advice. When my husband calls, I always make him laugh. I always have an anecdote, an observation about something, or point out something ironic that makes us laugh. Is this ok? It seems that more than half of the time he calls, we’re both laughing out loud – it makes me feel good (to make him laugh) – but should I be focusing more on feeling messages or is this ok too?

    Is “yucking it up” too masculine? What’s your opinion about being entertaining and funny? Everyone in my life says I’m this way, but I wonder what it does for attracting my husband.

  2.  #2EVA BELASCO on September 14, 2008 at 9:26 pm

    Dear Rori, my long distance relationship is insane (me, him and/or all). I am 55, divorced (I wanted it), attractive (eventhough overweight), lots of male attention, very educated, accomplished – foreign born, made it in US on my own, no family to relay on.
    Me & my man met online, know each other for over 3 yrs, I have broken up with him 2ice (same reason – no actions to follow his beautiful words) but we keep getting back together. There’s a very strong intellectual attraction (he says detrimental for him, same for me), emotional too + chemistry, although we have never been intimate, not EVEN KISSING (slept together in the same bed when I visited him and he promised to respect my wishes of no quick sex), I know looks like he was not interested but was “bragging” how strong he is and can control himself, yes, there were some “weak” moments, and at that time he talked (again) about us finally getting & living together. While I was travelling back home, me NJ, him VA/D.C ., he kept calling abt. every hour to check on me, same on the way to him. It felt so wonderful… cared for, protected…He has a high level job=long hours, lot of travelling abroad & safety issues (government job), but seems he’s unwilling to do anything out of his very selfish “zone”. Feels like it’s initially improving after every break-up or distance and then becomes ridiculous again. Told me “he never traveled to meet a woman”!!!! Taugh for me and my body image – his ex-wife was an ex-model same as ex-girlfriend who supposedly refused his marriage proposal (?) … but obviously there are other qualities he appreciates in me, such as not being intimidated by him/his status/position, as he said: “you talk to me like nobody DARES to talk to me“… yes I told him I‘m not a doormat and the only thing he could impress me with is how he would treat me… He asked me to move in, I refused telling him I would not do it without a ring on my finger, he said he understood, respected it and that he would have to look for a ring… Truthfully, I don’t trust his words anymore, he tells me he’d call, does not (then I see him on the same site we met), talks abt meeting more often/soon, does nothing when I want to make specific plans. I practice the Lean Back move, he reacts =contacts me asking where I am, why I disappeared, we exchange emails, then O, no response again. When I cut off any contact, he’s back & same thing over & over again… As you advise, ( I bought few of your courses and trying my best to implement what you teach) I do date other men, frequent the site we met, see him there, I’m sure he sees me but I am “too classy” to contact him. We used to talk online for hours, and on the phone, each time we (finally) met was great, however, my “gut feeling” told me he would go on the site even when I was right there next by and while he was being so sweet to me… I am so very tired of these silly games. Now, I am reading all this as if written by a stranger and realize how pathetic it sounds, yet, next time he writes me how much he misses me, how much he needs me and wants me right there with him and “to come home to him at last”… I get weak…and then angry again and back off and the games begin… Pls help, I’m at the end of my rope and sanity. Thank you for your caring…

  3.  #3Rori Raye on September 15, 2008 at 12:14 am

    To Kat:
    Laughing is great! Seeing the humor in things is fantastic. Just please do this for me: Since “Everyone” tells you you like to laugh and make other people laugh, too – check in with yourself.

    First – make sure the humor is what you’re feeling – that you’re happy to hear from him, love sharing funny stories – and if that’s true in the moent – share THAT with your husband:

    “It feels so good to hear your voice and to laugh with you.” “I miss you so much, sometimes it feels so empty without you, and I feel so close to you when we’re laughing….” like that. Just turn everything into a Feeling Message, and see how that works…Rori

  4.  #4Rori Raye on September 15, 2008 at 12:21 am

    To Eva:
    I’m so sorry you feel so caught in all this, and I know what that feels like – most of us respond to the “drama” in this kind of experience. It’s as though the push-pull and the constant off-balance feeling of the relationship is a “turn-on.”

    So – try this: Focus on finding the “turn-on” in other ways – with other men, other things, other activities – yourself! Although you’ve got a good handle on your boundaries – it sounds to me like you’re holding onto them hard. If you’re not going to have sex with a man, I don’t recommend sleeping with him in the same bed. It forces you to hold back on your own feelings, and sort of undercuts your ability to be open, warm, sensual….

    Also – sex is not the thing here. The whole idea about not having sex until you’re comfortable is so that you DON’T get hung up on a man. The sex is insignificant – it’s the importance you put on it that’s the big deal. Since you are bonded to this man – you’ve gotten that way even without sex…so take a moment to look for what it is that’s got you so tied into him, and let’s unravel it, bit by bit.

    A man who doesn’t try to claim you pretty quick is most likely not a good bet to get bonded to. Don’t let your emotions and hormones move faster than his.

    And yes – the only way to do this is to date, to get a full life, and to discover what turns you on, how you get bonded so quickly, and how you can feel stronger inside. Love, Rori

  5.  #5Sally on November 11, 2008 at 8:42 pm

    Dear Rori,
    I had been living with my partner and helping to raise his son for 10 years up until a few months ago. During most of this time I have been in graduate school. We often times had disagreements on the way to rear the child and I know that many times he felt neglected by my studies. He felt controlled by me too, and I see the ways that I made him feel that way, while I had issues with our inability to come to agreements about disciplining the child and especially in regard to motivation about school, and when the child became a young man his bringing his very young girlfriend home for the night and showers.

    My partner also had valid insecurities regarding his familial situation although he never received praise for his success rearing a child alone and putting himself through college. His younger brother was sent to a prep high school and his parents fully supported him for 4 years at an ivy league institution and my partner felt jilted by that, not to mention the parents ignored his successes during entire adolescence and young adulthood… or that’s what I understood and had witnessed in interactions.

    I went through a great deal of death in my family in a very short time and shortly afterward he had a sexual rendezvous with an old friend. Then he began having emotional relationships via email and texting and wanting to spend more time with female friends. For six months I knew there was something troubling him and suspected he had cheated. I finally stooped to the level of snooping to find the proof, which I did and finally confronted him with it. I had almost cheated at the same time so I forgave him and we agreed we loved each other and would work on our relationship. We went to counseling and began communicating. WE had been discussing moving to another state to be nearer his family and to work in an industry we are both interested in as soon as I finished school. But a job opening came up that allowed him an easy transfer and he began to feel antsy after the child moved out, and we both felt guilt and he obviously needed to get away, so we made financial arrangements so that we could live apart for a while, and agreed we would continue to work on our relationship long distance while having the freedom to complete our individual projects. After two wonderful, supportive and communicative months he called and wanted to break up with me. So we did, but we still have a financial arrangement and he is already seeing and sleeping with other women. I told him I don’t care about what he needs to do for himself that I care more about how we continue to communicate. It is important to me to perhaps have a reconciliation one day although I am not counting on it. Am I dealing with this in the right way? Is he a toxic man or just a textbook midlife crisis?

    I’d love feedback. I can offer more information. Am I crazy to continue to put any energy in this relationship? My intuition tells me no and that one day after we’ve both been apart for a while, but communicate, our relationship can be healed….but I’m not sure if it isn’t simply my subconscious and wishful thinking.
    Thanks Rori,

  6.  #6Rori Raye on November 12, 2008 at 5:41 pm

    Sally, it doesn’t matter what’s going on with him – the question is – “What are you doing for YOU?” Love, Rori

  7.  #7Sally on November 22, 2008 at 1:17 am

    Dear Rori,

    Thanks for your response, I understand and I am doing plenty for myself. I still love him and hate to throw away the good parts of ten years of commitment. But I am unclear on which of your programs would help me in particular? Which program would be most helpful for my situation? IS he a Toxic Man? If not, can I possibly attract him with your Sirens program? Blueprint for commitment?
    I guess that’s why I gave so much information… and thanks again for your response, although I do hope you can direct me more clearly. Thanks for your time, Sally

  8.  #8Peggy on January 7, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    umm no lol but i’ll try it next time 🙂

  9.  #9Pooja on June 10, 2010 at 10:00 pm

    Hi Rori-

    I really like this guy who lives about 3000 miles away from me. He used to always call and text, etc but after we met things just got really weird and now he’s withdrawn and distant (he may just be busy as he says but i think it’s the former reasons, also). He says the whole long distance relationship thing is too much of a risk for both of us to get hurt and so he doesn’t want to pursue anything unless we were in the same place. I totally understand his reasoning on this and conveyed the same. And I have decided i’m gonna try to get a job in his city. It just really sucks cuz we both like each other and yet we’re stuck in this uncertain situation. I know that this is why he pulled back and I can’t really tell him ‘hey why don’t you call anymore?’ cuz that would be needy! But it just eats me up inside and i wish things could go back to how they used to be…. anyways, that’s not why I’m writing this comment.

    The reason I’m writing is I would like to know how to handle this situation when all we have is text, chat and phone available to us. I know you talked about feeling messages, etc which I will definitely implement but it’s just so difficult because we hardly talk nowadays! He’s extremely busy at work and will message me online sometimes and very rarely send a text but what do I do to talk to him more often? I know you say not to contact him but in this situation would it really be a bad thing? At least then we could have some sort of communication so I could keep him attracted right? I don’t know how to handle this.. and btw, I am still talking to other guys through dating sites, etc so I am keeping my options open. I also am joining some dance classes at my gym so I have other things to keep me busy and possibly meet people that way. He knows that I’m doing all these things but he just won’t take any more action than he is right now… I guess it could be because of the distance thing but I also wonder if it’s because the attraction is dying?

    I just really want him to go back to the way things used to be or at least know he wants to. Do you have any suggestions for this very complicated situation? Thanks so much, Rori!!! =)


  10.  #10Ili on July 29, 2010 at 3:44 pm


    Let me give you a background of what I’m going through right now.

    I joined a few online dating sites and one of them I met this guy that lives in Europe. I live in FL. He wrote to me last November for the first time. I thought he was cute but I didn’t give him too much thought since he was so far away and I really want someone local. Since I did find him attractive I did reply and we exchange emails and started chatting on yahoo. After we exchanged Skype and we started talking on the phone with cam. I enjoyed talking to him when we would talk, which it wasn’t often. In February things changed and he started texting me almost everyday saying good morning and since at the time I wasn’t working and he was only working part time we would talk on Skype more often. He was going to come in March but since I was considering relocating to another state I asked him not to plan a trip here until I knew where I was going to be settling. I decided to stay in FL so I asked him to come in April but in April I started working full time and so did he, our communication went down a lot but when we did talk we would talk for hours. He couldn’t come in April or May because of work but he decided to come in June for his birthday. He canceled his trip in June because of work (his job started sending him to another city for work so now he leaves his home on Mondays and doesn’t come back until Fridays). In May he won the green card lotto because he is planning to move to the US. He was getting vacation time in July so he asked me if I wanted to go on vacation with him. He mentioned coming to FL, us driving to Orlando and the Keys, flying to Cancun for a few days and if I wanted to we could also go to Puerto Rico. It all sounded wonderful but very unrealistic since I had not been working for that long and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to take all those days off. I told him that when ever he had his tickets to let me know so I can go pick him up at the airport that I wasn’t going to make plans until I knew he was coming for sure since he kept canceling on me. Sorry for making this so long but I want you to have all the details so that I can get a clear answer. In May (after he won the green card lotto) he bought an apartment in Europe. He asked me what I thought if he should buy or not. I only said that it was his decision and what ever he did I would support but I didn’t see why he was buying over there if he was planning to move over here within a year. He ended up buying anyway because he wanted to relocate closer to his office (this decision was made before his job started sending him to the other city) and he found a great deal on the apartment which was going to save him money on commute and rent and it was going to be his own place. We had another conversation a week after his birthday and that week since I had not heard from him all week, no text, no email, no phone calls I asked him how he view what we had. (I don’t remember exactly how I worded the question since I was very nervous). His answer was that he found me cute and he wanted to meet me and then take it from there. It wasn’t the answer that I was looking for but I do understand where he is coming from. After reading your book I realized that I shouldn’t have even asked yet since we haven’t even met in person so I wish I would have read your book before but is too late now. Needless to say that our talks since then have even gone lower. Not sure if it is because of the talk or is it because of things that are going on in his life. A week after that talk he called me at 4am my time which was 10am his time. I was sleeping but I answered the phone not knowing what time it was or who it was (it was automatic) and when I asked him what time it was and he told me I told him I was sleeping and that I will talk to him when I wake up. When I finally woke up and called him I asked him why he called me at that time and all he said was because once I told him it was ok to call me when I was sleeping. That was just 1 time because we had been playing phone tag and he was going on a trip and I wanted to talk to him before he left, I didn’t mean always. Then two weeks later I missed his calls a couple of times and when I called him back I missed him too. I was kind of bothered by the fact that I would text him and email him and I wouldn’t hear back from him but the next time we talked I didn’t bring it up I just let it be. Then the weekend after that I guess I was pmsing that I ignored his calls on purpose because he called me at 8pm when it was 2am his time and I started to think why is he calling me all of the sudden at odd times and it crossed my mind that maybe he was seeing somebody. He left me a sad message saying that I had disappeared and that he hoped I was ok. The next morning he called me again and I ignored him again. Two hours later I saw he was on Skype so I texted him and we spoke. I was dry so he kept asking me what was wrong and all I said was that I was tired because I had gone out the night before and I had not gotten enough sleep. I lied, I didn’t go out the night before but I didn’t lie about not getting enough sleep because I was up late thinking about him and his odd behavior and thinking of what to do. We didn’t talk for long because I was going out with some friends and they came to pick me up when I was talking to him. I don’t think he is seeing somebody else because we spoke a week later (last week) and he told me he is working on remodeling his new apartment but since he is in a different city during the week he can’t do much so he only has Saturday to buy the materials and stuff and work on the apartment on Sundays. He didn’t tell me this as an excuse of his odd hours but since the conversation was natural I think that’s why we kept missing our calls. He also told me that he looked for tickets to come now in July but the tickets were too expensive and now he plans to come in September. We didn’t speak this weekend because I think he left on vacation to Croatia (where his family is from) but I really thought he was going to finish his apartment before he left since when he comes back he has to move out of the apartment he is renting and move in into his new place.

    At the beginning of the friendship I wasn’t really flirty with him or anything because I wasn’t looking for anything serious with him, but in Feb when he started texting me everyday good morning sweetie and stuff I liked it so I got more flirty with him. In March I stopped going out in local dates, #1 because I started seeing more of a future with him and #2 because all the dates I had locally had been terrible. After our conversation in June I have become dry because I don’t know how to act around him. That’s why I bought your seduction book to see what I can do to be more flirty and seductive with him. If is not too late. Before I read your book I was thinking of waiting until he moved into his new place and see if our communication wouldn’t change and if it didn’t I was going to call it quits. In many of our conversations we talked about living together and relocating to California together. I didn’t initiate those conversations he did. He even brought up marriage (jokingly). Last time we talked he said that if it wasn’t for the fact that I didn’t cook that I would be perfect. I started to try to go on dates again, I’ve been asked a couple of times, some I wasn’t really interested but there are 2 guys that I plan to do meet and see what happens. But deep down I want things to work out with Mr. Europe. Knowing all this what do you think I should do?

  11.  #11Rori Raye on July 31, 2010 at 10:38 am

    Ilu, Welcome, and this is going to sound harsh. If you had not taken the time to write so detailed a letter, I would think you were not for real. You are living in a total fantasy. This man does not, for all intents and purposes exist. You have never, unless I’ve misread, met him. There is nothing going on here. You are wasting your life in this Imaginary…nothing. Please stop talking to him and start Circular Dating, and if you were my client, I would encourage you to get into some groups like CODA and therapeutic classes to help work out why you would invest yourself so heavily in a situation that does not exist, even to the point of creating an exclusivity around it. All my love and hugs to you. Rori

  12.  #12Graci on August 11, 2010 at 9:57 am

    Oh Rori, I realise that I’ve been describing too much, stating too many facts in my emails…for many months now!! Do you think turning things around at this point (by turning everything into feeling messages) would still be useful? Also…I know from my friends and see from all the messages above that lovers apart would usually skype, often daily!! I really want this to be a part of our relationship, but i have no idea whatsoever how to express this w/o seeming needy. I get angry about it sometimes but this anger is never expressed in my emails to him because my genuine happiness to receive his emails always makes me forget it. And i can’t express something in feeling messages if i don’t feel it in the moment. I guess another scary thing is that we never properly defined our relationship before we parted.

    Please let me know what i should do!! Thank you Rori!!!

  13.  #13Graci on August 11, 2010 at 10:01 am

    *What I meant was – we did define the relationship while we were physically together but not how it would be after (which is now and ….)

  14.  #14Rori Raye on August 11, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    Graci, welcome, and – I know yu know this – you have to start talking with him. You have to bring up your concerns and ask what he thinks. hanging on without knowing what’s going on just makes you into a doormat, and less attractive to him. Please start Circular Dating (without actual dating) to get your self-esteem back – and then – I hope you stop the exclusivity with him until there’s a plan in place for you to be together. If you want to skype – just say – hey – I feel so clunky about the omputer sometimes, just learned about skype – want to try it? Love, Rori

  15.  #15Mimi on November 17, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    Dear Rori,

    I just got swept off my feet by a man & I don’t know what to do 🙁

    I only met him twice & we slept together on the 2nd (I may never see him again and decided it was better to love and suffer than not love at all so i don’t regret it!).

    It felt like we were a young couple in love, him kissing me in the middle of the street & silently stealing glances at me when I wasn’t looking. Anyway, it felt like love & I don’t want to let this man get away without at least giving it a shot.

    The problem is he leaves overseas (3 hr flight away so not bad) and is gone now. He wants to keep in contact & even though the odds are slim, I want to find out if he feels the same way before I waste my time thinking about him & what could be.

    What do you suggest I do? Is it ok to let him know in an unpressured way (we only have email) that I felt totally swept off my feet & what does he feel/think? I don’t know where he stands exactly but need to know, all we could do is smile at each other…

    Thanks Rori,
    love to all,

  16.  #16ash on March 4, 2011 at 7:59 am

    hi,me and my husband lives far and asi came to my country he went back to live with ex with whu he was seperated from thee years after divorce but they got two kids and my husband is living with her because of kids he says what could i do to attract my husband fully thoough he says he respects me and his family alsoi loves me so lease you tell me how could i bring my husbands love as he ever loved me before,please help me.

  17.  #17Marci on March 22, 2011 at 8:41 am


    Hello! I have read you e-book yesterday and just ordered the Targeting Mr. Right. I have been in denial for years about how to behave with guys but I think I must try something new or I will be alone forever or keep doing the same *(Y&(* over again. I am divorced 7 mos with 2 young kids (I wanted it- he was codependent and controlling- married him b/c it was that age and I had been hurt so initially all the attention was awesome…).

    So I really was completely happy being single and thought someday , I do want to find someone but this time the right one and that I won’t settle.

    So of course, I have to meet some great guy, from another state 3 months after the divorce. We met at a hotel bar on my way back from Haiti. He talked to me first and we talked, laughed for 4 or 5 hrs. We did make- out but no sex that night. He had been hurt 3 mos prior (very badly- dated her a yr, she broke up on last day of vacation and they took separate flights home). So he text me twice the next day then nothing for a week. So I started the chase- which actually I really have never done so much before- mostly out of fear of rejection quite frankly and scared. However, this guy I know crazy, so comfortable and easy to talk to and one hell of a kisser. He is cute but not drop dead hot like I usually date but he makes me laugh. so we text for 3 weeks or so and he always responded to mine. I asked him up and he said not ready for committed relationship (funny- that is not what I asked him for- only a visit). Then I sent three emails- 1) I’ll wait for you 2) Sorry- have never waited for a guy and won’t start now 3) just apologizing for my behavior. Anyway, I left a voicemail and he texted back next day- his mom had stage IV cancer multiple places. So I said I was sorry and left him alone for 1.5 months. I figured not good timing. Sure I thought about him alot but did try to flirt with other guys etc but tough with kids an all. Anyway, he texted me out of the blue one night. I responded and stated “it was good to hear from you ” and left it at that. Now I know his mom did die. So I think I was chasing b/c I felt bad and thought it was warrented since he was hurt so bad and his mom. Of course, now I realize not good anyway. So 1.5 weeks goes and nothing. I finally texted him cause I was gonna be in conf in 3 weeks for work 2 hrs from him and asked for a visit. He had strange reply- “his birthday that weekend and might be going to vegas”. I texted “okay sounds like not good timing and to have fun”- of course then he says he will try to find time off. So then he lingers over the next couple weeks- he called once and said he was trying to work out is schedule and thought would be able to come down. I sensed he wasn’t sure over the next couple weeks as lot of “probably” in texts. I got frustrated and texted back “sounds like a chore to come see me so don’t bother”- he said to “relax a little bit”. When came time to see me that weekend, it felt delayed and I admit I was expecting too much from it. He said was going to come after work on Sat at 6pm then texted at 6 pm that he would leave after his family dinner and wanted to know if 10:30 or 11 was okay? I felt like texting again don’t bother as now , right or not, I was feeling I was about to get used for sex. I just texted back- “sure, I’ll just hang out at the hotel bar ” (I was trying to hint but not sure he got as he thought that was funny since that is where we met). so he arrives, chemistry still great, still easy to talk to but I was on guard already and wasn’t showing my feelings as much. He said next morning right away he might have to drive his brother to airport to go help his brothers son (got in trouble at school- lives out of town). Seemed like an excuse to me. So we had great time and yes I did have sex- probably bad idea- funny- he didn’t bring condoms and i asked why and he said he didn’t want to assume- backwards psychology? I had something that ironically cause him an allergic reaction on his you know what. Basically, he did not reciprocate for which I was also upset but didn’t say anything. So he left next morning and I didn’t ask to see him or anythng as I figured – never hear from him again, right? I had fun my last day hanging out with another gal and going out that night flirting etc. He texted me he thought he would be okay and got cortisone shot in stomach. I doubted this was true as I am a pharmacist and never heard of this. I sent one text saying “glad things worked out for you” and didnt respond to next text- I had had it!!! So I joined e-harmony to try to get myself over this. Of course he texts me Tuesday to see if I got home safely and told me how he was playing with his niece. I did respond after waiting 20 minutes each time (long enough????) So that was a week ago and haven’t heard from him. Probably won’t which I admit I am getting better at handling although I also admit I am a bit confused- he got what he wanted- why the heck text me to see if I got home allright? That’s just cruel. So I am going to try this circular dating thing. However, couple questions: 1) do you think he was interested in more?- I am trying to learn from this to see if my evaluation is accurate. I know I can’t start to think is he scared etc- I won’t but if I can’t read the clues correctly, I am in trouble moving forward or should I not care if he is interested? 2) If miraculously he does contact me again, what is my response? or do I not respond and if not for how long? and how do I let him know I am circular dating or not willing to wait anymore if I do hear from him??? 3) I haven’t gotten the CDs yet and may have couple dates this weekend- could you quickly summarize how I let these guys know I am dating around- I know I dont tell them that- but what if they ask or is that crazy thinking they would anyway?? I just want to try to start doing this stuff right!!!


    Chasing no More Marci

  18.  #18Kris on April 19, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    I have been in a long distance relationship for some time. We have met in person, but our communication is 99% phone. It is not unusual to talk 2-4 hours every day, and we cover every topic known to mankind. Nothing is off-limits. He does most of the calling and always calls when he says he will, or when I do call it is normally because he tells me to (i.e. “Call me when you get up in the morning”)

    I have been listening to the Toxic Man series – just listened to the first CD. I have found it to be very very good. I did identify this man as “Difficult” and not surprised but, nevertheless, inspired to discover why I am attracted to him. In the past I was attracted to toxic men, and see that I have graduated to difficult!!

    I don’t have any questions or specific problems – of course, I would wish that this man were able to move forward. However, I do date on and off – when I do date I have no problem meeting men or getting dates. I know that this program, along with another program I have completed from another source, have done and will continue to do alot for me. Currently I have nearly gotten past alot of old feelings I have had for a very long time about myself, and about feelings that I would get in this long distance relationship. I believe (close to knowing) that I could never hear from him (and occasionally we do “break up”) and not do a tail spin, or feel that I could have done something to prevent it.

    He is a “drama queen” kinda guy and I am not sure that there is anything that is a small significance in his life…to include me, so I have more power than I have been giving myself credit for. It could be that he will feel that vibrationally now, and make a shift…but whether he does or not I am hugging myself alot more nowadays!!

    Thank you for the program, Rori. Much appreciated.

  19.  #19Claire on May 2, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    Okay so there was this big party my sister invited me to but it turned out to be pretty lame. Anyway when I first arrived at the party a cute guy named was staring at me. I sat down and had a few drinks and he moved closed but did not talk quite yet. I got bored and decided to go to my car and listen to music. Him and his friend were playing catch and he accidentally hit my car. Later on, he decided to come talk to me and then added me as a friend on MySpace later that night. The next day we met again when I was picking up my friend at the store and we talked for a while. Then he started talking to me a lot on MySpace and he said we have a lot in common and he wants to keep in touch so he said he was going to ask me for my number the next day. Well the next day came and I suspected he forgot all about it so I asked if he wanted my number and he said “sure” . He has also been sending me the wink emoticons when we are chatting. He has to go to work tonight but he said if it’s not too late he will call me later. Do you think this guy may like me?

  20.  #20Diane on May 4, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    My man is not calling very often and I know when I call I just talk about stuff in my life; I did this, they did that. This is where I need to go with the talk! He listens but I don’t hear very often. I will practice and try this!

  21.  #21dream on June 7, 2011 at 12:04 am

    Rori Rori – quite the glory!! I feel so relaxed and expressive when I see and listen to you. Thank you so much..The connection and love I feel for this man is so crazy and intense! It is long distance, not a committed relationship, but do wish for that.
    I had been in a 20 year relationship with another, not married, raised separate kids together and stuck in a rut. All grown up and no ties. Still trying to clean up the mess.
    I thought I was a princess but to no avail..When you are not dating or learning what everything is about, the world is a dark place. It is taking some time to learn and realize many things about myself and others and relationships.
    I have tried to connect with this love interest for 7 years and he keeps me on the string. I have done everything wrong and even up to the last received message and phone call. Now that I have watched your videos and have gained some insight on the silly things I think I am doing wrong, how can I try again. He may not feel the connection from the last time and not call or message back. Do you feel it OK to message a some feeling note or just leave it alone. I keep messing things up. Thank you, Dream

  22.  #22dream on June 7, 2011 at 12:08 am

    Rori- Oh yeah; what does it mean when they say-You are way out of my league..And the last voice message said; Call me anytime, OK. Thank you for listening, it feels so nice. Dream

  23.  #23Ashley on July 27, 2011 at 1:15 am

    I am in a long distance relationship with a guy who loves me unconditionally, we talk almost everyday over the phone,but most of the times we run out of conversation. I know communication is the key ingredient to any long distance relationship,but i’m just too scared because i dont want to lose him.:(
    Please help

  24.  #24anila on October 29, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    hi i m anila my husband live in out of country we have love marriege we have one year of merriege relationship my husband never ever calling me i call him always but somtime he attend my call but all the time he denied my calls he never gives me time and not give me the answer of my mai and msgs if i m 15 day not call him then he dont care about it he never shearing with me his feelings ever and dont care me when i talked abut it with him he will angree or said me he is so busy in his work i think he is not intrested in me and what the reson? plz give me some seggestion what i will do that he come back??

  25.  #25Elizabeth on November 1, 2011 at 3:46 am

    Hi. I have been dating this man for eight months now. Unfortunately, it has been long distance throughout but we see each other usually on the weekends. We are very serious and talk about the future a lot. In two months, I’ll be moving to the same city as him to begin school.
    Recently, we haven’t been seeing each other much due to weather and events making it difficult. Because I haven’t seen hhim much in the last while, I have begun to question his feelings for me. He has been a little distant, and easily annoyed with me. He is also not interested as much in sexting and pictures. He says he feels the same, and loves me, but I feel like something isn’t right. I know he isn’t cheating and I know him being annoyed towards me is due to my insecurities.
    Together however, we are very happy though. My question is how do I stop feeling insecure about us? I want to stop qurstioning

  26.  #26Elizabeth on November 1, 2011 at 3:48 am

    Sorry, got cut off.
    I want to stop questioning his feelings towards me and just make it a happy comfortable distant relationship again.

  27.  #27Vidya on November 13, 2011 at 11:58 pm

    Hey Rori,
    i ws in a long distance relationship ,my guy and i broke up a year n a half ago bcz my parents were not approving(not even letting us talk) n he ws pissed off fighting my parents,so he broke up with me bt just 1 and a half months later he somehow managed and contacted me again ,we were happy together bt a vry close frnd of his had proposed him and was vry badly behind him though he was ignoring her ,bt my parent came 2 noe abt it again and due to nt being in touch a lot of misunderstandings happened..his frnds proposed him again taking advantage of the situation when i contacted him again he said he’s in relationship with that gal and doesnt wish to talk to me again,i was shattered!bt thn after some months i gathered courage and called him again and we became very good friends though he used to talk abt that girl abt how gud she is and all bt that stopped pretty soon while we were talking and during my board exams he asked me for a relationship again and we were back together and thr was no sign of that gal in the picture at all bt as soon as my exams ended he broke up with me saying that he got committed just so that i can be in good mood and give my exams again after a few months he has started talking to me again ,though we r nt in a relationship.he is like my guardian,my parents are so much against me,they just dont bother abt my happiness,he is the only one person who has loved me so much and he still cares abt me,he is 4 years elder to me,even while he was away he managed to keep a eye on the guys whom i ws seeing and always ws jeolous whn he saw sm1 else being closer to me than he ws.he talks to me almost everday now
    and whn i asked abt his gf he said she’s just a friend though he likes her bt she is nt his serious gf and he doesnt want to be in any relationship,,bt yesterday he sent me that gals pic n she is really stunning though he says i am prettier bt i am still worried if he goes back to her again,i want to get back with him,he has always mentioned that if thr were ne gal he wanted to marry it ws me,he truely cares abt me,solves all my personal problems though he gets nthing in return hw can i get him back forever???plzz help!plz

  28.  #28trina on July 27, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    So i have been talking to this guy, but for the most part I always get ahold of him first and would like to change that beacause it makes me feel like im chasing him too much.we met almost a year ago and i have had a crush on him since, but we live a plane flight away from each other. when we met we even cuddled and he never made a move? but told someone else he didnt want to disrepect me (even though i have heard he is quite the ladies man?)..the thing is, when i do get ahold of him he seems genuinely excited and keeps asking me to come visit him. should i stop getting ahold of him?

  29.  #29Rori Raye on July 27, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    trina – sorry – I just saw this one….Yes, you should stop getting ahold of him. You are totally disrespecting yourself. What you need is some experience, and learning how men work. It doesn’t mean a thing how excited he is to see you, if he doesn’t follow through over time. Love, Rori

  30.  #30Trina on July 28, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    Why does he tell me to come visit him then? Just to see if I will? And why would a guy try and be a gentleman? If he felt like it didn’t matter? I dunno, guess I really am just bad with the understanding men situation…

  31.  #31Trina on July 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    Why does he tell me to come visit him then, Just to see if I will? And why would a guy try and be a gentleman? If he felt like it didn’t matter? I dunno, guess I really am just bad with the understanding men situation…

  32.  #32Trina on July 28, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    I just don’t understand why he would consistently tell me to come visit him. He says it on a regular basis. And why would a guy try and be a gentleman if he didn’t care? I dunno, guess I really am just bad with the understanding men situation…

  33.  #33Trina on July 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    I just don’t understand why he would consistently tell me to come visit him. He says it on a regular basis. And why would a guy try and be a gentleman if he didn’t care? I guess I really am just bad at understanding men.

  34.  #34Trina on July 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    I just don’t understand why he would consistently tell me to come visit him. He says it on a regular basis. And why would a guy try and be a gentleman if he didn’t care? I guess, I really am just bad at understanding men.

  35.  #35Sakshi on September 18, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    Hi rori,
    i love a guy madly but he is living in different city….we daily use to talk on phone….but my problem is that i don’t know whether he love me or not….but when he talk to me i feel that he is also having some feelings….
    Actually he is having an ex gf….everytime he thinks about her and gets upset….and said me that i didn’t give u what u want….
    Plz plz plz help me….i really love him so much….i didn’t imagine my life without him….
    Just tell me what i do to attract him……

  36.  #36Tanisha on September 20, 2012 at 2:48 am

    Claire, carry on talking to that guy. just become a friend with him. don’t expect too much from him. The more you will expect, the more you will get hurt; if this doesn’t work out. so just pass ur time normally, don’t think abt him too much. Do other stuffs. If he has interest in you he will definitely approach you. But it sounds you have developed interest for him. this is too early to identify if has liking for you. and you can understand the best 🙂

  37.  #37Tanisha on September 20, 2012 at 2:58 am

    Trina, from now onward don’t make the first move, let the guy make it. you just live your life, meet friends, hang around and do other stuffs or u may start looking for other dates. But don’t waste your time on this guy. if he is meant to be yours, it will come pass by nature. so chill dear 🙂

  38.  #38Rosha on November 4, 2012 at 4:52 am

    Hi Roy,
    I always read your site , thank you for your nice advices , my bf went to abroad about 2 months and before that he mentioned he is not my bf anymore and want to be free . he sent me some cold email , and 1 time called me but unforetuantly I did’nt answer it , now about two weeks I dont have any news from him , would you please give some advice ? I’m in-love with him more than 3 years .

  39.  #39Rori Raye on November 4, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Rosha – so sorry for the heartbreak, and for the weird way he announced it. Please, please learn how to Circular Date and forget about him right now as best you can. Your best path is to start dating other men, and get out in public and get new friends and a new life. If he changes his mind, he knows where to find you, and you’ll be strong enough to not give up everything for him. Love, rori

  40.  #40sheila on November 4, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Dear Rori,

    I have known a guy for six years. I have liked him for the longest and everytime he would say that someone hurt him it would hurt me and I wanted to be more than his friend and be with him. However recently in march of this year me and him started dating. We have been dating for 7 months but in this 7 months we have had our issues. I cheated 3 times and lied took him for granted he forgave me each time. I believe in our love and that we can past anything. And that I can change for the better because I really do want to have a lasting relationship with him. Hes the love of my life and I feel like he was meant to be with me I just was confused. He would buy me flowers after Sunday church. Take me out to the movies on Monday and he would treat me like a princess. Last week though we spoke and he said he wanted to have a break…. in which it is understandable that he wants because of the hurt and anger…. that hes feeling.. I know he still loves me because I can see it in his eyes. But although we are on a break I kept on bringing up the subject on our relationship which I think pushed him away because now he wants full space… he said he would let me know his decision I have faith in our relationship but I really could use some advice on how to win him back and make him see that I wont break his heart again. PLEASE HELP RORI! Thank you!

  41.  #41Rori Raye on November 4, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    Sheila, Welcome and I deleted your last name for your privacy. I want to hug you, and I also want to shake you. If you are able to “cheat” – which means LIE to someone, then you don’t, right now, possess the maturity to be in a real relationship. Mature people speak the truth to one another. If they’re unhappy, they say it. If they’re attracted to someone else, they say it. Communication requires maturity, and this is where your work is. This isn’t about love, and your deciding to not hurt him again – this is about your skills. Your ability to be honest with someone. Please read everything you can here and start your skill-building with my ebook. From there – I truly encourage you to practice your Feeling Messages and speaking the truth with EVERYONE in your life – and learn from that. Love, Rori

  42.  #42Rosha on November 5, 2012 at 12:00 am

    Dear Roy,
    thank you for brighting me , but if I search for some short cuts , like taking some picture of mine in facebook , or deleting him from my friendlist ! , does these action make him miss me ? or remember me ? or
    doesnt forget me because of distance and his new life ? please say if there is a short way .
    love u

  43.  #43Rosha1 on November 5, 2012 at 12:04 am

    Dear Roy,
    thank you for brighting me , but if I search for some short cuts , like taking some picture of mine in facebook , or deleting him from my friendlist ! , does these action make him miss me ? or remember me ? or
    doesnt forget me because of distance and his new life ? please say if there is a short way .
    love u

  44.  #44Rori Raye on November 5, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Rosha – so sorry – there is no shortcut in love. Men take the time they take. Relationships take time to build trust and chemistry. Doing “things” to make a man miss you always backfire. Be the woman you are at your best, learn more relationship and love skills here, and Circular Date! Love, Rori

  45.  #45Sarah on November 10, 2012 at 1:33 am

    Hi Rori,

    I am trying to practice your advise re circular dating, leaning back and learning to ‘feel’ my life rather than describe it.

    I’ve been separated from my husband for 10mths and started seeing a man a few months ago just for friendship and sex at first. Of course, as everyone told me, this ‘friends with benefits’ doesn’t work and now I am finding I want to be closer to him. I believe he feels the same. The more I lean back, the more he contacts etc. Your advice has really worked in that respect.

    I am also still circular dating to help my confidence levels.

    He lives a 3hr car journey away so my question is….how do I put into practice your Modern Siren advice? I feel a lot of this is expressive through body language and I don’t know how to pit it into words over the phone or on texts.

    Many thanks


  46.  #46Rori Raye on November 10, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Sarah – Welcome, and long distance is hard. Sounds to me like you’re doing everything right – and, in my world, what you merely “think” is felt across the “ethers.” In other words, he can feel your “vibe” from far away. Phone, skype, email, text – all work Modern Siren-wise – and my Love Scripts program (over in the sidebar you can find the links to the programs…) is where to go to find the words. Love, Rori

  47.  #47Sarah on November 12, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Thanks Rori for your response.

    Unfortunately I think I’ve overdone the leaning back and am now actually just playing a game which is not what I wanted and it’s backfiring massively. He’s gone distant, doesn’t ring or text hardly at all and has mentioned that he went out for dinner at the weekend with another couple and a girl. Double date I am presuming.

    I need to get back to loving me but I feel the distance is just too much when we’re not communicating. I don’t want to initiate it as that feels like I’m chasing but if I don’t start giving something back he’s just going to get further away.

    We used to exchange messages and phone calls daily, and they would be fun, flirty and make me feel happy. Now it’s weekly and I just feel lost and abandoned.

    This dating malarky is a minefield!

  48.  #48Rachel on November 19, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Dear Rori,

    I just found your website and it seems very helpful. My question is about courting a man long distance. I have a guy I know who I have been friends with for 5 years he is a wonderful person. We have a lot of the same views and are in the same boat on ya or na on childern. He cares so much about people and the world like I do and he is so smart and we have really good talks via Skype. We both want to travel to 3rd world countries help those that need it. We are in the regetting to know you phase because we lost contact for a few years so I have not talked much about what I would want in a relationship. When I met him 5 years ago it was through a friend who I was sharing a house with and he stayed in town for 3 months and in that time we went through a death of a friend together. During that time we also got really close and I told him I had feeling for him. He said he cared about me but he was not ready for that and he could not give me what I wanted. I understood and never brought the subject up again. He did however kiss me before he flew back to his city. Anyways it has been 5 years and I have had a 2 year realationship in between that time and now I have been single for 2 years. I actually didn’t think about a relationship him until we started talking again. I still care about my friend so much and I still want to be with him. I have not told him because he is just starting his doctoret degree and I do not want to be rejected by him again. I do not know if he has feeling for me or not but he does say things like lot’s of love to you, and hugs before our conversation ends. He also talks about how I need to meet his parents and so on. So how do I court this man via skype? I do not mind court this man for the next three years if it means being with him but should I leave it alone and move on.


  49.  #49Rori Raye on November 20, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Rachel – The only way to handle this is to build a long-distance FRIENDSHIP with him. I don’t know the level of his interest now, but in the years to come, that could change if you’re still in his life as a friend. In the meantime, please forget about him when you’re not in conversation with him and learn to Circular Date up a storm. Love, Rori

  50.  #50Nicki on December 14, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Dear Rori,

    I met the perfect guy on a volunteering project over the summer. We hit it off and although the relationship was mostly physical, I knew I was insanely attracted to him on a much deeper level; so I proposed we do long distance, at first he was against it but when it came near time for us to part he changed his mind (I did not try to convince him at all)

    So we embarked on our long distance relationship. Everything seemed great, we texted everyday, skyped about once a week and called each other a few times a week. I went to visit him at the beginning of November and everything was fine, I was a little emotionally charged I admit, got upset over silly things and don’t think I came across as my best self, but he seemed to handle it fine, and when I got home everything seemed just as good as it was, I even booked time to go back and see him and he was excited about it. (It’s more convenient for me to go to him, as I’m still at university and live with my parents, young for one of your readers I know but I find your advice so logical and helpful!)

    Anyways, a week and half later he called me up and ended it!! It took me completely by surprise. He said that he had felt detached, that he didn’t feel like we were a couple, that we felt more like friends, he wasn’t as attracted to me as he was over the summer, that he wanted a girlfriend that was there all the time. I was (still am) devastated, I’m pretty sure I loved him and maybe that he was the one. I did tell him while I was visiting that I had never liked anyone as much as him, that I was ‘all in’, and that I felt closer to him, having seen him, he didn’t tell me that he returned by feelings, he said that he was ‘semi-all in’ and that he felt closer to me too.

    I just don’t know what to make of it at all! I knew what I was getting into when I wanted to go long distance with him and I’m assuming he did too (he’s been in one before). Have I done something wrong, something off-putting to lose his attraction? I admit when we texted it was essentially telling each other about our day, I came across positive most of the time because it always made me smile getting a message from him, there were times I was not so positive but he seemed to fine with it, I think I just need some professional opinion and I can’t think of anyone I would rather hear it from.

    I can’t get him off my mind and all I want is him back!

    Any advice would be so appreciated.

  51.  #51Rori Raye on December 15, 2012 at 1:33 am

    Nicki – and long distance just doesn’t often work for people as young as you two are. He said it clearly – he wants a girlfriend who’s there all the time. Please, please accept that he’s NOT the one (at least for now) and get yourself Circular Dating and learning about yourself and how men and relationships work. Love, Rori

  52.  #52Nicki on December 15, 2012 at 5:00 am

    But he made the decision to get involved long distance, I don’t understand what changed?

    Was there something I could have done to make him feel more like we were a couple? How have I lost his attraction?


  53.  #53Zinni on January 19, 2013 at 11:05 am

    Hello Rori
    My husband leaves overseas. N i m in my country from last 4 months. I hv a daughter of 3 years. We r a happy family. But from last few month since i m in india, i found my husband a lil more far from me. He is a introward man, he is not at all social n he does nt like to speak much. But when i m thr wid him he use to love me alot, always home on time. Since i m here he doesnt want me to call him every three hours. He says call me once a day only. N he always search my mistakes. N i always want him to be very happy n i want his attention.
    Pls help me how to go further. N how can i get my hubby’s attention.

  54.  #54serenity on February 20, 2013 at 12:22 am

    Hi Rori…

    Your relationship tools are really awesome. I’m in a relation for 6years and its a long distance one. we didn’t even meet wen he proposed, i instantaneously accepted. We’d our ups and downs(too many) and now, as I’m reading your news letters i understood i’ve been very clingy ,appeared needy and awful and i can see i was the one who mastered the relation all these years. i arranged and paid for dates, i used to go to his place, i managed everything. even i can see thru it now. now there’s no love between us. he did n’t even tell me i love you in the past two or three years. when i asked, he said he doesn’t feel like saying. whats more hurting is he’ll not address me anything.if he says my name its to emphasise his anger towards me. to say in short, he is a typical man who wants to do everything but i never really gave him a chance bcz i’m very independent in all aspects of my life. after i read your articles, i understood how much i need to feel being loved. the first thing i’ve done is i stopped calling him. i’ll see the fun and prepare for my exams, thus keeping myself busy. thankyou.

    any further advice on how to proceed will be of great help.