How to Attract Men

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how to attract menIf you’re feeling frustrated, upset and angry because your man is either totally clueless – or depriving you of affection, attention and happiness ON PURPOSE – or if you’d simply like to learn how to attract men – here’s a quick tool that will help: “Doggie Treat” Voice.

Here’s why it works, and then I’ll teach you what it is and how to do it:

When we’re frustrated, and our man isn’t measuring up, isn’t stepping-up and just generally isn’t even bothering to row our relationship “rowboat,” we complain.

Sometimes we even “whine.”

And if we try to hide our feelings, it comes out in our voices and our energy anyway.

A man can hear a complaint a mile away.

He even labels an innocent remark or request as a “complaint.”

He may even feel like we’re starting a “fight” when all we’re doing is pointing something out or trying to get our needs met.

So much of my Rori Raye method is built around communicating the feelings that go along with this kind of situation – about feeling your feelings and then expressing them in Feeling Messages.

For now – let’s look at one small thing – the “tone” of our voice, and how we say things, as a Tool to get closer to our feelings and feel stronger and more powerful in every conversation with a man where we have to discuss the “business” of relationship – the logistics of when, where, how, and what he does and what you do.

And what to do and say when he doesn’t do or follow through on what he says he’ll do.

So first – do this:

1. Every time you want to convey to your man that something needs doing, or something didn’t get done, or you need it done a certain way – write down what you’re feeling and what you really want.

Then check your written words for “Overfunctioning” (you’ll find this concept and Tools to fix it in my Have The Relationship You Want eBook), and translate them into Feeling Messages (a core Tool in all my programs).

Then:

2. While you’re in conversation with him about that something – notice the tone in your voice.

See if you could label it yourself as the sound of a “complaint.”

If you CAN hear it as a complaint, ask yourself what you’re feeling and what you’re thinking.

Ask yourself the BIG question – who has the Power here?

If your voice sounds to you like a “complaint” or a “whine,” most likely you’re feeling that HE has the Power.

Now:

3. Imagine that YOU have the Power.

Imagine that he is only there in your life to make YOU HAPPY.

Imagine that you are merely giving him an opportunity to make you happy.

Imagine that YOU are his REWARD for making you happy, and that just your PRESENCE in his life is your amazing gift to him.

4. As soon as you feel the switch in your feelings, your thoughts and energy, notice if the tone of your voice changes.

Notice if you feel lighter.

Notice if, instead of the sound of a “complaint” – your voice is the sound of a dog owner holding a delicious doggie treat and saying “Here, Boy….”

I don’t mean to compare a man to a dog.

But I do want to talk about some similarities:

Dogs work for treats.

And so does a man.

Dogs work for treats like food, and they also work for praise, and for kind and excited and happy words said in a happy tone of voice.

They work for pats on the head and for tummy rubs.

Dogs hear words, but what they listen to is their SENSE of WHO HAS THE POWER.

They KNOW that the creature with the food has the Power.

And guess what – YOU are the food for your man.

A dog isn’t fooled by words. You can say anything you want to a dog – you can even scream at him – but if he doesn’t sense that you have the Power, he won’t take you seriously.

A dog doesn’t take us seriously unless WE take ourselves seriously – and the same with a man.

We can “pretend” all we want with a dog and “pretend” all we want with a man – but both a dog and a man can SENSE when we’re pretending we have Power, and when we really do.

And when you have Power – when you KNOW you have the FOOD, and that you ARE the food, and that you’re the source for tummy rubs and pats on the head, and sex, and love and affection and emotional SAFETY – then the dog – and the MAN knows it, too.

So try out your “doggie treat” voice.

See how it makes you feel.

See how knowing you hold the food of love for your man right in your own hands can change a “complaint” that a man won’t even HEAR, into a moment of sharing your feelings that will INSPIRE him, and MOTIVATE him, to do almost anything to please you.

Let me know how this new Tool works for you…

Love, Rori

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697 Comments

  1.  #1kaitlyn on June 4, 2011 at 7:18 am

    firsties!



  2.  #2Ms. Ayo Fashola on June 4, 2011 at 7:25 am

    Thank you Rori. This is great. I feel excited already knowing i’m learning from you everyday.



  3.  #3rose on June 4, 2011 at 8:00 am

    very helpful, thanks. i was just fuming over a guy who wanted to take me out today. Haven’t heard a word from him since the invitation (2 days ago). I know he’ll reappear and I was struggling with how to tell him i’m pissed, or if i should tell him i’m pissed. i mean, what the hell? why ask me out and then disappear? uuugh.



  4.  #4Ella on June 4, 2011 at 8:04 am

    Oww, new post!

    I feel excited! 🙂



  5.  #5kaitlyn on June 4, 2011 at 8:04 am

    I don’t know. Dealing with men seems to be such a fine delicate art, I’m feeling pissed off. I’m ready to throw in the towel.



  6.  #6Ella on June 4, 2011 at 8:22 am

    Hmmm, great post Rori!

    Very thought provoking.

    I do feel worry sometimes about my voice as it is naturally high pitched and this can be percieved as whiny or annoying/not sexy.

    But using the doggie treat voice helps. I have been practicing talking as though I am talking to a dog and notice that my voice drops an octave!

    Also I love the feeling of me being the food and holding the power.

    Feels warm and heavy like nectar in my vagina!

    🙂



  7.  #7LonePlum on June 4, 2011 at 8:22 am

    Mel

    *** I was embarrassed for me. ***
    I understand that but I am trying to express why you don’t hear each other.
    You said you felt embarrassed; he assumed you were embarrassed because of the witnesses’ judgements. So he asked the witnesses what they think of his drunkenness. If they think nothing wrong, he assumes you have nothing to be embarrassed of. Since nobody is judging you or him, he does not get why you tell it was embarrassing.
    I am telling the possible disconnect during that fight. My intempt is never to defend anybody. You said you wished to understand the disconnection.

    I would not refer to judgements. My problem is what is going on between him and me.

    I would simply say “I don’t want alcohol in my life.You have the right to do what you want with your body and mind but I feel disconnected from acoholized minds and I will not stay around one. I understand accidents happen and you are not used to get drunk but I want to make clear I did not like it.”

    ***I was so angry at him for leaving me to entertain his friends at HIS BBQ ***
    I would make it clear it is about me and not about what his friends think.

    I would tell him “I was angry because I had no emotional interest in entertaining people that are not my friends. I felt used. I don’t want to be used to finish what you start with your own friends. (If that is what I felt, for example) Or/and I feel deceived you were not by my side to enjoy a BBQ we had planned together and to which I had been looking forwards. (If that was the case)”

    *** I felt really uncomfortable and false as I tried to pretend that this was all perfectly normal and not strange at all. ***

    I would feel uncomfortable too because I did not ask to be put in this situation. But you felt false because you were pretending. (We all have pretended at some stage before we understood what we really felt and wanted)
    For example being authentic could mean telling his friends “I feel uncomfortable because he is drunk and I don’t understand it, but it is happening, there is nothing I can do about it, your host went to sleep. He is not interested in speaking to his friends, he is asleep. So the party is over, you all may go home.”
    And after they are gone, you could go driving and let him wake up in the mess and the emptiness of the house. You are not responsible for his drinking and for his friends.

    *** I just don’t find trash talking constructive. ***
    Neither do I.
    I wonder if my intention was understood.
    You said he trashed you when he spoke to others.
    To me “trashing to others » meant he tells friends things that are untrue. I was hoping to break it down and find one of the original disconnect.
    Hence I asked for an example of gossips from him about you.
    You did not give any so I did not do it.

    *****During our conversation earlier this week when I put all of my cards out on the table, I asked him “Is there something that you feel you’re not getting from me?”
    He just said “I just want to do things that I perceive as “normal” and I get in trouble for it.
    He wouldn’t elaborate much more on which “normal” things he wanted to do.
    Porn? Dating sites? Going out with (girl) friends alone? Spending most of his free time with friends and not having to feel guilty about it?
    Sure, these are normal things. For a single guy.****

    I feel sorry to read this.
    I don’t think your marriage can survive without a written negociation that makes both happy.
    You negotiate how much of his free time he can spend away from you, the « alone time ». Plus you also write down how many hours will be « we » time as a couple and « us » time as a couple with others.
    Make sur both are happy with the negociation, none feels he has been trapped into accepting a number.

    Same with money. If one does not work the provider deposits money in the relationship account « us » and money in the partner’s account « her/him » and in his own account « I ». The amount has been negociated by both. None must be put in the position to ask for money.

    Negociate the space « living space » « private space » « maintenance » « chores ».
    Negociate the fun -sexual- and -non sexual- « I » , « we » as a couple and « us » as a couple with others.

    I would use my appointment with the counsellor to ask for help to negociate a new marriage, written on paper.

    This way you state your boundaries written on paper, you avoid judging his choices, you have seen he does not hear your judgements, it does not work. That avoids fighting. You stay in the marriage if the negociation has been written down or you walk away if you can’t accept his part of the negociation.

    I like your option of looking for a job close to your family. If you can’t negociate with him, your brand new life is ready. You will be fine no matter what.

    xxx



  8.  #8Ella on June 4, 2011 at 8:23 am

    Kaitlyn,

    I love your pissed off ness.

    Don’t throw in the towel… take a break if needed.

    xoxox



  9.  #9Liz on June 4, 2011 at 8:25 am

    I feel better after reading this post….I have been attached to a guy that I talk to when I see him around town and we went for coffee once….I know he really likes me, but yesterday I saw him with his girlfriend….I am feeling so sad….I want to circular date and it is hard to find dates in this rural state and being a single mom….but when I do go out on dates, I compare them to him, since he and I have such a connection….I feel so miserable, I am grouchy to my son…..help!



  10.  #10kaitlyn on June 4, 2011 at 8:59 am

    Still no word from Adam. I guess I overfunctioned when he called me? Or maybe nearly 2 days is nothing in a man’s time table? Or maybe he’s trying to rpocess this. I’m tired of making excuses for men’s thinking. How is he so uncaring to not contact me after I revealed such a vulnerable part of myself?



  11.  #11Teresa on June 4, 2011 at 9:26 am

    I have to say, this blog has helped me out of my near panic attacks about MEN so many times in the short two months or so that I have been reading it.

    Ladies, you are all so very powerful and wonderful. I am learning from your examples as well as Rori’s wisdom. I’m happy to be here.

    I particularly love this blog post. It brought me right back to who I really am. I am a dog handler. I raise and rescue pit bull terriers. I know who has the power in my home.

    I now remember who has the power in my life. ME!

    I am the reward. I am the treat. I am the one with the love.

    Thank You Rori and new friends! I feel much better about stepping on the brakes with a guy I met recently. Something new for me! But I’m learning and I’m feeling more empowered this morning after reading this.

    Blessings!



  12.  #12Ella on June 4, 2011 at 9:29 am

    I am all that!

    I am the dog food, te he.

    ‘Here boy!’ said with sexy/authoritive voice and sultry look!

    😉

    Magnetising.



  13.  #13Lilybelle on June 4, 2011 at 9:37 am

    That was what I was thinking when I read this, Ella…

    “Here Boy, Come on, come here.”

    LOL! Love it.



  14.  #14Ella on June 4, 2011 at 9:39 am

    Kaitlyn I know its hard when u r waiting on a man u really like to call.

    And they don’t think the same way we do.

    I think CC talks about how men often withdraw after a particularly intimate time, and go into their caves. They don’t have the same threshold for intimacy that we do. Then they need guy time doing mundane, logical stuff, and not thinking about emotions.

    So the thought probably hasn’t even crossed his mind that it would feel good for you to hear from him because you were vulnerable with him.

    Anyway, nevermind all that I know how awful and frustrating it can feel, I’ve been there lots of times.

    Can you find a way to focus back on you? Take care of yourself and meet your own needs till he comes back.

    What can you do to look after yourself now and feel good?

    That helps with the vibe too.

    Are you CD-ing? This can distract you and make the wait seem shorter, and you won’t notice as much if you are busy out with other men.

    I think Rori has a few posts around on vibes and waiting for the phone to ring…

    Hugs.

    xoxoxox



  15.  #15Ella on June 4, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Lilybelle

    🙂



  16.  #16kaitlyn on June 4, 2011 at 9:47 am

    Ella,

    Thanks, but I’ve done things today for myself like clean, get manicures, and making vegan cupcakes. No, I’m not vegan. I just like the desserts. And cd-ing is out of the question when I barely have time. And I don’t feel like getting hurt again.



  17.  #17DE on June 4, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Ella:

    Thank you for the comment from the previous thread…

    funny…i was reading through the posts of last nite in order, read about your dilemmas, processes, i told myself..”.oh, no that’s the “sense of urgency” “thing…then, i see u sending the message…which by the way felt authentic…and i felt relieved…and then, u refer to my earlier post from the week where i had the “sense of urgency” ab which i kinda of forgot…:)…hmm…interesting…

    yes, Daria reminded me the other day actually, that the “sense of urgency” is not the real me, but rather my subconscious with my old patterns are “running the show”…

    i would love for her to expand on that here on the blog…:)

    Warm hugs,



  18.  #18Lilybelle on June 4, 2011 at 10:03 am

    17:

    “i would love for her to expand on that here on the blog…:)”

    Oh yes, me too!

    Daria? Are you close by?



  19.  #19Lilybelle on June 4, 2011 at 10:05 am

    Another email from a dude…Your profile is great and well written! What else do you like to do for fun?

    Um, I thought you read my profile.

    I feel frustrated and believe I will reply with:

    Wrestle pigs and whittle wood.

    😉



  20.  #20Ella on June 4, 2011 at 10:09 am

    Lillybelle,

    Looool… you pig wrestling little Siren u!

    🙂

    I think that is a kinda standard question guys ask… it may even be in the ‘tips’ on the daing website under how to approach someone.

    Maybe he is shy and doesn’t really know how to approach you.

    Having said that I always feel a lil bored when I hear that question too.

    xoxoxo



  21.  #21Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 10:15 am

    19 Ugh. I feel turned-off by those.



  22.  #22Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 10:19 am

    Lillybelle! Re 19

    can’t stop laughing!



  23.  #23Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 10:19 am

    Well, because generally we’ve listed 25 things we like to do for fun in our profile… so…. why is he asking what else we like to do for fun? I feel bored and suspicious…. I usually ignore those and if he is really interested and not just throwing out a huge net, he can try again after he actually reads my profile.



  24.  #24kaitlyn on June 4, 2011 at 10:20 am

    Lucy and Lilybelle,

    Good mood: i disregard and don’t answer
    Bad mood: “Evidently, you didn’t READ my profile.”



  25.  #25Ella on June 4, 2011 at 10:20 am

    Hmmm, my tongue feels sore!

    ANd I feel hot & sticky.

    I have been enjoying a relaxing afternoon just chilling and reading the blog.

    Feels so good.

    And I am feeling really good about stuff… I feel so pleased I am looking after myself.

    I am kinda waiting for tonight’s CD to call me and tell me what time he is picking me up. We are due to go for a meal, however he did say he was going to be out playing cricket today and may get home late. He will let me know the time…

    And I am not sure when I need to be ready by.

    And I feel kinda hungry… but don’t want to eat cus he is taking me to a lovely restuarant and I feel excited to have some nice food.

    So am saving myself for this.

    I might have a nice shower…

    Weird, but I kinda don’t want to wash off Pubguy’s smell from my skin… feels sad to me 🙁

    I will do it though, maybe it will feel cleansing/freshstart and new.

    I have been wearing blinkers a bit with him I think (Pubguy). He is a mix of stuff like all people but a few times when he has been courting me he has got distracted by another woman and has gone off to give her attention.

    I don’t know if there is anything to it. I mentioned feeling uncomfortable once and he said she is just a friend, more like a sister to me… but that isn’t what it looked like to me.

    Anyway it is his business… but interesting to note and also that it doesn’t feel good.



  26.  #26luzydel on June 4, 2011 at 10:26 am

    Yeah I hear this, but men are not responsible for my happyness; I am. I do not like the frase “Imagine that he is only there in your life to make YOU HAPPY.”

    What if I am already happy with myself? and I don’t need to imagine he has to make me happy? What if I discovered that I am wonderful, beautiful and have to the potential to feel love, and be happy with myself?

    I don’t get mad anymore because he doesn’t show up, because his work got on the way, I have others things to do and to be honest I don’t even need a relationship. I want the sex, the physical contact, the romance…but he can be anything he wants, I don’t need him to make me happy anymore.



  27.  #27Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 10:27 am

    Ella, thanks for asking how I am doing. I’m doing really well. I gave up dating and looking for a man … and now some really good and interesting men have appeared out of nowhere… I feel loved and cared for and protected and admired … one of them is a definite possibility for being “the one.” I am continuing to practice all the tools and I feel more feminine and relaxed than I ever thought possible. I wake up singing. 🙂 Hugs and love to you dear Ella with your ringlets and wide open window. <3



  28.  #28Ella on June 4, 2011 at 10:34 am

    Daria,

    You mentioned on previous thread that you are thinking about signing up on daterichmen.com or whatever it is called.

    Me too!

    Let me know if you do and what sort of men show up from there. I feel curious about this site.

    xoxoxox



  29.  #29Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 10:42 am

    10 Kait. “How is he so uncaring to not contact me….?” I would try to avoid blaming-type thoughts and instead focus on how I Feel: sad, disappointed, scared, angry… And Feel the feelings (avoiding thoughts that blame)… open your heart wide and let the Feelings swell and swirl inside your heart… It’s like they fill up your heart and do a whirlwind house-cleaning, and then they flow back out again, leaving your heart pure and innocent. I did this last night when I was pissed at my daughter… And she



  30.  #30Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 10:43 am

    she sought me out to apologize.



  31.  #31Lilybelle on June 4, 2011 at 10:44 am

    21:

    Me too. Especially because I have already mentioned some things I am interested it. I don’t lay my whole life out there…otherwise, what is the point in dating?

    Ugh.

    I’m going to stick with Pig wrestling and whittling wood.

    Actually, I am in a good mood and so I am choosing not to answer.

    Thanks Kaitlyn. 😉



  32.  #32Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 10:45 am

    she sought me out to apologize, which surprised me bc I didn’t think she thought she had done anything “wrong.” And I didn’t blame her… I just went to feel my feelings…. The apology felt great and I really respected her for it.



  33.  #33tinque on June 4, 2011 at 10:47 am

    #19 – Lilybelly – too funny, where’s the like button…

    xxoo



  34.  #34Lilybelle on June 4, 2011 at 10:47 am

    25:

    Ella…

    “….but a few times when he has been courting me he has got distracted by another woman and has gone off to give her attention.”

    Ewwww Ella, this felt bad to read. You deserve 100% of the attention.



  35.  #35Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 10:50 am

    Hello LG. 🙂 I think my suspected Saturn cycles are nearly at their end. Things have been better lately for the whole family.



  36.  #36Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 10:52 am

    SLV, the sticker date you had for me was right around the time a special man started connecting with me. 🙂 I feel hopeful. I feel grateful to you for believing in me and honoring me with a sticker in your calendar. <3



  37.  #37Lilybelle on June 4, 2011 at 10:52 am

    22: 😉

    I feel happy to see you, LG!!



  38.  #38DE on June 4, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Ella and Daria:

    Ella, I feel happy u brought this back again…cause it’s been on my mind for the past couple of days…

    I didn’t even know there is such a site…for “rich men” I assume…I thought it would be something quite private…like a “club” type of thing….

    When I first read about the site…I noticed feeling tense in my shoulders and uncomfortable…like I wanted to bypass dealing with it…yet, it was in the back of my mind…

    I thought about why I was feeling that way…and I noticed I have strong and “unhealed” judgments around rich men/people…of course, based on prior experiences such as the little girl inside me that felt rejected by them…thought less of because she did not belong to the “high class”, feeling ignored because of it, limited opportunities, had to prove herself…work harder…all this built resentment …etc…

    And then, I married one who came from a rich family (I didn’t know though initially till after, we married overseas)…

    Because of my marriage and post marriage experiences, when I think of rich men, I think of:

    control me
    think he is better than me
    secrets I would have to keep for them
    drugs
    addictions of different forms
    extramarital affairs
    racial/chauvinistic judgements of others
    just to name a few…

    I am working on healing these judgements…:( Baby steps…at least, now, I am aware of them…

    Warm hugs,



  39.  #39DE on June 4, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Lilybelle #19:

    Ha, ha…it reminded me of a conv I had the other day with one guy…

    he asks..”so, u have two kids right?”..
    me…”that’s not me”…as in u got “us” confused…
    i felt turned off…hmm…i should have express it…darn it…

    Warm hugs,



  40.  #40Lilybelle on June 4, 2011 at 11:01 am

    33: Well, seriously girl…

    Here’s the next thing. My email has been going off steady today.

    SmallPlanePilotDude…

    Emails, moves me to text, asks me out for this evening and calls all within 30 minutes… I liked it, was open to it and then the phone call came…

    Phone call: he has to explain something to me…
    Got in trouble with a dui in January, is on house arrest for ten days, no license for six months.

    In the last four months, he lost everything because of the break-up of a eight year LTR, had to move back in with his mom, he has seen a therapist to get his life back on track, finished his grad program and is now looking for a new job.

    *sigh*



  41.  #41Lilybelle on June 4, 2011 at 11:11 am

    My boy has worked hard today. I believe I will reward him AND me with a nap. We both win with that. Yes…a nap is in order.

    zzzzzzz



  42.  #42Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 11:12 am

    I’m reading through Rori’s past posts. There are so many that I resonate with.

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/it-doesnt-matter-whos-stuff-it-is-it-only-matters-how-you-feel-here/



  43.  #43Ella on June 4, 2011 at 11:13 am

    Lillybelle re 34,

    Yes I know and I have been pretending that it didn’t bother me… well I haven’t but I have been making lighter of it than I feel

    🙁

    But last night I realised it does feel like sh8t and I don’t want it and if I am in that situation again I am going to speak up… eve more.

    Wrath of the Siren, lol.

    xoxoxox



  44.  #44Ella on June 4, 2011 at 11:17 am

    CD just called.

    I’m going for a shower and choose and outfit…

    Listening to Pink ‘Perfect’ Want to hear the song with the line ‘I may be bad but I’m perfectly good at it’ and I can’t remember what its called!

    Hmm, it is gonna feel nice to choose a girly outfit and get pretty!

    🙂



  45.  #45Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 11:21 am

    Kaitlyn:

    I saw this and thought of you because you said you are still feeling disturbed by the christmas gift incident.

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/difficult-situations/the-case-against-buying-christmas-presents/



  46.  #46DE on June 4, 2011 at 11:23 am

    Wow…

    I posted a comment as my response to Ella’s post on dating rich men…both her post and mine are no longer here…

    Rori, are we not supposed to talk about the site? I feel curious…:)



  47.  #47kaitlyn on June 4, 2011 at 11:24 am

    44 i’m all for not exchanging gifts/ anti-materialism.

    but when a guy instigates a gift exchange and he doesn’t get you one though you got him one, it speaks volumes about what an unreliable selfish person he is. or he’s punishing you for something you did wrong because he’s too much of a pu$$y to tell you.



  48.  #48DE on June 4, 2011 at 11:25 am

    Ups…I see Ella’s but not mine…i might have messed up…when pressing enter or something…hmm…



  49.  #49kaitlyn on June 4, 2011 at 11:27 am

    I’m fed up with everything. Going shopping.



  50.  #50kaitlyn on June 4, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Nothing glamourous. Just shopping for paint at Lowe’s.



  51.  #51kaitlyn on June 4, 2011 at 11:29 am

    I feel triggered from my ph convo with him because I think I overfunctioned and emotionally exhausted him. Otherwise, he wouldn’t need time to process it.



  52.  #52Ella on June 4, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Ow DE what did you say about daing rich men? xx



  53.  #53Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 11:39 am

    Kaitlyn sweetie, I know you are feeling bad yet it’s only been 2 days!!!!

    I want to celebrate that he finally called you.
    I want to celebrate that he called you.

    I feel confident that you didn’t push him away on the call.

    I hope that you can be gentle with yourself. It sounds like your nv’s are just going wild right now. Is there any way you can quiet them down? Maybe paint shopping will help distract you and tap into your creativity.

    Seriously, everything is okay. It’s okay to relax and celebrate the call without any worries or concerns about something you did wrong.



  54.  #54Ella on June 4, 2011 at 11:39 am

    Kaitlyn re 50,

    Sorry however for me that simply isn’t true.

    Just because a guy needs time to process does not mean I have done something wrong.

    And I feel great being an emotional creature.

    I have noticed you are really hard on yourself, I have this tendancy too, and to see things in extremes, and take all the blame for situations… ie: its all my fault.

    I know these are my rained themes and I am working on healing them… Toxic Men programme goes into it quite a bit.

    I am learning slowly to be more gentle and patient (no always succesfully! lol).

    How would it feel to be gentle with yourself about this and not look for any meaning just work with the feelings getting triggered?

    xoxoxo



  55.  #55Daria on June 4, 2011 at 11:46 am

    Lillybelle – ok a perfect opportunity to practice sharing feelings.

    Don’t answer the question, you don’t really have to or want to answer Any question really (answering q directly is in our head and business – and of course we’ve all learned to do it)

    So instead you say

    Ohh… I feel bored

    Or sonsrhing you really feel.

    And now you’re in the heart and practicing what CD is for



  56.  #56Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 11:47 am

    Kaitlyn: I’m also noticing that your nv’s seem to be attacking him as well.

    “How is he so uncaring to not contact me after I revealed such a vulnerable part of myself?”

    “it speaks volumes about what an unreliable selfish person he is. or he’s punishing you for something you did wrong because he’s too much of a pu$$y to tell you.”

    I believe that people can feel our vibes. If these are the thoughts you are having about him right now, I don’t feel surprised that he hasn’t called. Would you want to interact with someone who is saying/thinking these things about you?

    It seems like you have an internal conflict going on between loving and hating him. This is going to affect your vibe/magnetism IMHO.

    What do you think/feel about this?



  57.  #57kaitlyn on June 4, 2011 at 11:50 am

    55 yeah



  58.  #58DE on June 4, 2011 at 11:51 am

    Ella/ Daria:

    Ella, I feel happy u brought this back again…cause it’s been on my mind for the past couple of days…

    I didn’t even know there is such a site…for “rich men” I assume…I thought it would be something quite private…like a “club” type of thing….

    When I first read about the site…I noticed feeling tense in my shoulders and uncomfortable…like I wanted to bypass dealing with it…yet, it was in the back of my mind…

    I thought about why I was feeling that way…and I noticed I have strong and “unhealed” judgments around rich men/people…of course, based on prior experiences such as the little girl inside me that felt rejected by them…thought less of because she did not belong to the “high class”, feeling ignored because of it, limited opportunities, had to prove herself…work harder…all this built resentment …etc…

    And then, I married one who came from a rich family (I didn’t know though initially till after, we married overseas)…

    Because of my marriage and post marriage experiences, when I think of rich men, I think of:

    control me
    think he is better than me
    secrets I would have to keep for them
    drugs
    addictions of different forms
    extramarital affairs
    racial/chauvinistic judgements of others
    just to name a few…

    I am working on healing these judgements…:( Baby steps…at least, now, I am aware of them…

    Warm hugs,



  59.  #59Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 11:53 am

    Lillybelle: I feel so happy to see you too. My heart always feels so melty around you.

    Enjoy your luxurious wonderful Saturday nap! It’s rainy here. I might take one myself!

    Xoxo



  60.  #60DE on June 4, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Rori:

    I feel very uncomfortable…not sure what’s going on…I posted something it’s not showing up…i tried again twice…even changing the post a bit and it’s still not showing up.,..it doesn’t even say the post is “pending” …just keeps saying “duplicate…” which is not actually since is changed…:(

    Thank you.



  61.  #61Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Kaitlyn: I was feeling in the dumps yesterday and the thing that pulled me out was appreciation. Appreciation for myself, the good things in my life, and even the people that trigger me. It worked like magic to shift my vibe.

    I feel really amazed by your vulnerability and beauty and growth here. I just think you are doing so great.

    If there is anything I can do to help please let me know.



  62.  #62FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    (((Hugs))) Ella,

    I think your posts trigger me because I’ve been in your shoes and can relate so much to how you feel. In my last LT relationship there were times when I needed more attention or affection, or I just plain missed him…so I loved having ‘him’ on my skin/body. (One of the reasons I so do not like condoms. TMI, I’m sure, but I’m just being honest. It was monogamous so there was not a safety issue.)

    I see how you spending time with mr. pubguy is taking care of the immediate need of feeling lonely in the moment. But do you understand that by doing that you are developing more and more of an ‘addiction’ via the oxytocin? I don’t get why you’re wanting to ‘up’ your oxytocin (last thread) which only attaches you to that one person…and, in this case, it’s a guy who trashes his gf and tells you while he’s drunk (or hung over–still affected by booze) the things you MOST long to hear–that he loves you and that he’ll leave another woman for you. To me, this is a cruel way to play your heartstrings and get what he wants at the same time. It makes me want to hug you <3

    I am NOT judging, here. Please know that I can only talk about this because I am going through this myself. I've been out of the house for a year now–and I'm still 'hooked' on him. Getting near him still turns me to jelly inside and if he gives me a hug—I instantly want to have sex with him. It's BAD…..really BAD. :-/

    What I DO know is that (like with xbf) I CAN become attracted to another man *IF* I give it a chance.

    At first, I was not attracted to him AT ALL. (Not repulsed or anything, but there was NO chemistry whatsoever.)

    I went with how he treated me, how much he wanted to see me, and how I felt when I was with him and when I wasn't with him—-totally forgetting about 'chemistry.' It was the first time in my life I did this. 'Chemistry' was always the main thing and if it wasn't there instantly I'd say, 'Forget it' and move on. (I didn't know anything about Rori–I just knew I was desperate and that what I always did—wasn't working.)

    I only tried leaving sex out of the equation out of *sheer desperation*—nothing else ever worked out and the guys I was instantly attracted to only ended up being bad news for me. I had nothing to lose by trying. (I now think that what I thought was 'chemistry' was really my fight-or-flight response trying to warn me. The 'butterflies' (for me) turned out to be nothing more than anxiety.)

    Because I waited and stopped worrying about sex and butterflies and 'chemistry'—it turned out to be the best sex I've ever had—EVER. (We didn't have sex until 4 months after we became a 'couple.') He is passionate and SUCH a good kisser…and it lasted for 12 years. No, it wasn't perfect and I did leave….but it helped me break my 'pattern' of thinking the attraction had to be INSTANT.

    My point—you can do this. You CAN be attracted to another man…it just might not be right away. I know how hard it is…I really do. But the longer I stay away the more hope I feel that I can do this, too!

    I'm old enough to be your mother—so I feel extra protective of you. You are brave and beautiful and deserve a strong, sober and caring man to love you and step up to claim you!

    Please do not feel offended or angry. Maybe other Sirens will think I'm wrong or 'too new' to say this much, but I'm only sharing my own experience and what worked for me to change a pattern that no longer served me.



  63.  #63kaitlyn on June 4, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    I was too vulnerable maybe. And my dude has low self-esteem. Hard to believe since he has so many accomplishments and talent. I heard if you flatter low self-esteem ppl too much, they get turned off. I was doing my best to show appreciation the other night, and used admiration (flattery of a sort) to feel myself as warm and open. And to encourage him to come twd me safely.



  64.  #64kaitlyn on June 4, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    Um, I feel like a jacka## now. You all are so right. My nv’s are like daggers.

    He just txtd ‘pls come visit me back east.’

    ok, we are both broke. but i feel annoyed that hes asking me to come to him. VERY annoyed.



  65.  #65Daria on June 4, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    Yay! I’m practicing extreme gratitude for the phonecall right now because it reminds me of my desire for awesome sex and getting my pusdy ate… And NY phone cd sounded so confident that he’s great at it and loves to do it.

    I’m feeling squeezed in my sex areas writing about it now? Is it in my womb? I wonder.



  66.  #66Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    Kaitlyn:

    Next time you talk with him, maybe try to sink back even more and just listen to him. It sounds like maybe you were concerned with his feelings rather than letting him be concerned about yours. If anything, that would be why the flattery made him feel uncomfortable.

    It’s possible that could in a subtle way this is communicating that you think he is weak or lacking confidence or somehow not enough just the way he is.

    It’s almost like building his self-esteem up the way a mother does.

    Vs

    him building his self-esteem by being the MAN and attending to us and doing the leaning forward, the doing.

    Know what I mean?

    Regardless, these are little tweaks. Just keep leaning back and clearing your own vibe and he will be back around, no doubts about it.



  67.  #67Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    Omg Kaitlyn! You feel annoyed? I feel elated! This is a step in the right direction, yes?



  68.  #68DE on June 4, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    Okay…lol I tried it over and over to repost my comment ab my triggers around “rich” men…and it does not post at all…there is no cussing, cursing…weird…i even changed the comment…

    okay…deep breaths…

    Thank you boy me for being persistent and trying u best…
    Thank you for finding humor and smile about it…even though u feel annoyed…lol
    Thank you for not giving up on me…and getting me ready for the day…cooking me breakfast, making me coffee, beautifying me…balance the checkbook…go with me outside to enjoy this amazing weather…taking me to the movies in a bit…:) Thank you my darling 🙂



  69.  #69kaitlyn on June 4, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    Ok, I’m breathing now. Seeping into being elated. I’ll deal with all this after I take care of some stuff on my list today. Did you know I’m ocd about lists?



  70.  #70Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    I wish I was OCD about lists.

    Yes, this is good! I would consider going to visit him if…

    -he pays
    -it’s works with the docu schedule
    -you feel good about it

    this is awesome!!!!



  71.  #71Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Darling Ella: I love how well your boy takes care of your precious girl. It feels so good to read.

    Here’s to having a wonderful day!



  72.  #72Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    Lucy:

    I feel so happy to hear that things are feeling better with your family and that you are interactioning with some yummy men and possibly the one!



  73.  #73Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    Interactioning?!? Sounds fun!



  74.  #74DE on June 4, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    Oh, LG…Thank you so dearly 🙂 I have awesome inspiration from amazing women such as yourself 🙂

    Btw, I love your post to Lily T…the links, and the guidance you show to Kaitlyn…:) I fully agree and admire u 🙂

    I am on my way to “Pirates of the Caribbeans” with two boys 🙂 lol

    Warm hugs,



  75.  #75Brenda on June 4, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    Hi everyone,

    I miss being on the blog. My laptop isn’t working, and the living situation I had didn’t work out. They were trying to treat me like I’m subhuman because I’m down and out. So I left Tuesday, and now my dogs and I are living in my car, while my cats are staying in my brother’s shed. One of my cats is pregnant, and she jumped out the window while I was driving, after the air conditioner stopped working, before I had the shed arrangement. So I am looking for her, with some help from some friends. I just haven’t had enough money to put down a security deposit and first month’s rent on an apartment. As soon as I do, I’ll be all right again. So I”m just trying to survive and keep my furry family together for now. It’s hard.



  76.  #76Ella on June 4, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    Flowerchild thank you because I do feel the love and concern in your post.

    And yes it does trigger me.

    And thats ok.

    I do understand all the things you say about oxytoxcin, chemistry, attraction etc…

    I am working through this.

    I am beginning to see him as toxic for me in some ways.

    I am not in a relationship with him, I am not waiting on him. I am CD-ing and giving other guys a chance, even without instant attraction.

    I am working to break my patterns so I guess I feel triggered cus I feel like my efforts are not being noticed, which makes me feel panicky that I am not doing well (and really I thought I am).

    Also there is a part of me still resistant to hearing the bad stuff about him and what we have.

    I don’t think he is playing my heartstrings, and I don’t believe he is purpufully being cruel.

    He is just a slightly clueless man doing what he is doing, and I can be involved or not.

    Yes there are some addiction elements too.

    And he is not all bad.

    In fact, until last night I usually felt quite good with him.

    He is someone I am CD-ing and right now I am pulling back as things stopped feeling good.

    Regarding the raising oxytoxcin, yes it is in Rori’s Toxic Men programme where she says about us finding ways to raise opur own oxytoxcin, instead of relying on a toxic man to do it.

    Did I misunderstand this?

    Flowerchild thank you for caring.

    I am working on it, pls be patient with me.

    I need to work through this inb my own way, in a way that feels loving and gentle to me, rather than cold turkey or ‘ripping’ a band aid off.

    I did it this way with my ex, who was a drug users and toxic for me, and more recently I have done it with Mr housemate dude.

    You see my process here and it is totally honest, including the bad and ugly bits.

    But I feel mostly ok with this situation…

    Toxic man – probably yes for me at this time.

    Practice – hell yeah!

    Taking care of me – tick…

    Can he be transformed – who knows, its up to him, but it sure feels good to have him shooting his bows and arrows to me.

    So Flowerchild thanks for the post.

    Triggered yes… and thats ok.

    Lotsa love.



  77.  #77Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    ((( hugs DE )))



  78.  #78Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    Kaitlyn:

    This situation reminds me of how Rori talks about him having a plan.

    It sounds like he has a plan…for you to come visit.

    I would surrender and let him show me his plan while stating my needs and feelings. Let him lead, see what he has to offer.

    I would keep my annoyance and anger out of it for right now and be open, curious. Be willing to be surprised.



  79.  #79Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    Brenda: Sending love and prayers!



  80.  #80Daria on June 4, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    Brenda – you are so brave. Goo Brenda!



  81.  #81FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    Ella, I am so glad I did not make you angry. I can only speak of my own experience–I do not have the Toxic Men program—but it’s on my list to save up for. So, yes, there are things I don’t know. And, no, I’m sure you didn’t misunderstand anything Rori taught you. It does make sense that if we create our own oxytocin we can get closer to authentic selves.

    And I DO see your efforts and successes, I really do. My post to you was triggered out of concern and tended to focus on that one situation. For me it’s really a tough one–all those years–it’s probably going to take the entire two years for me to get over wanting him/missing him.

    I felt like a little cheer-leader waving my pom-poms when you said—now that you see the real him—you are no longer find house-mate so interesting. Yay!

    I didn’t mean AT ALL that you weren’t doing well or that you did anything wrong. You are miles ahead of me, as you are out there CDing.

    I CD myself and make sure I feel good and look good whenever I go anywhere (even just to the store, etc.) You never know who you might run into! 😉 I struggle with actually accepting that the relationship is completely over. Knowing it isn’t over for him makes it hard for me to let it go.

    I’m excited to hear about your date tonight! 🙂



  82.  #82FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    ((((Brenda)))) I will be remembering you and your furry family in my prayers. I hope you find a safe place to stay very soon. (Hugs)



  83.  #83Daria on June 4, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Thank you – husbandman for showing up the way you did

    now i am feeling all my loneliness and the feeling of its never going to happen for me, why cant i just have it NOW

    the wonderful feeling of being wanted by a powerful man that i feel fascinated by

    sex

    i don’t know how to describe the feeling in words

    my mind wants to jump and “think” of different men, etc

    under that is a feeling of … anxiety, urgency

    under that is a feeling of sadness

    of feeling not wanted ignored

    i am back to where i felt invisible to men (boys)

    i embrace me

    this big grayish heavy feeling

    i feel like its melting and im feeling tingly

    and now i feel bright eyed again

    i feeel weak, like my lifelight is going out

    this can be a past life memory of weakness, as my lifeforce is running out

    feeling like my throat is constricting

    more past life memory?

    i give myself permission to clear it out of my tissues and energy system

    this big sadness

    i didn’t know how to deal with this big sadness

    coming into the now

    now there is a speaker

    and there my ipod

    and a book

    and a phone

    a computer

    trees
    window

    the numbness

    the sadness

    the heavyness

    the quietness

    breathing

    the brick in my tummy

    allowing the air to touch my face

    feels a lil sob

    ANGER! stuffed anger!!!

    wow!

    thank you!!

    io feel so angry being talked to that way

    i feel not seen for who i am

    i feel scared!Q

    go mee

    go mee

    great job daria



  84.  #84Lilybelle on June 4, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    76:

    Yes, Kaitlyn…

    Everything LG says and this:

    He is asking you to come and visit because he can’t get to you as quickly as he would like to. I would be over the moon with excitement and I would feel so DAMN proud of all the work that I had done to get to this moment.

    Seriously, what? Three weeks ago, the two of you weren’t speaking yet. In just three weeks, (roughly) you went from not speaking to him asking you to visit.

    Um, HELLO Sister SIREN… I can’t seem to find one thing here to not feel elated about.

    Those nasty a$$ NV’s are so brutal. They even have you talking smack about him, have you turning your stomach in knots and are not allowing you to ENJOY these turns of events. YOUR NV’s NEED SOLITARY CONFINEMENT. They are lying to you, telling you things about yourself and Adam that are not so.

    Shove them in the cell, remember it is dark and nasty in Solitary and tell them that while you love them and know they are trying to protect you, they are wrong and you do not need them right now, you have the Island for now.

    Wouldn’t it feel sad to look back and remember this time with regret and not the excitement it deserves. Even if you find out something different. It is a time to celebrate the YOU that you have found and the growth that you have done over the last few months.

    <3 Lil.



  85.  #85Daria on June 4, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    Flower – “I struggle with actually accepting that the relationship is completely over.”

    I would struggle with this too! especially because it’s not true, and not helpful…

    i don’t have to make the decisions to make it over… i don’t have to push myself in a boy way to do that… i just have to take care of my girl!

    make her feel happy

    i DON’T NEED CLOSURE! living without closure leaves everything open and magical – like my heart

    its a poweful feminine place to be… not controlling, not making decisions in my head that my heart doesn’t want me to make

    here’s the famous post from Rori, about no closure:

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/marriage/dont-let-go-dont-resolve-forget-closure-and-stay-on-your-horse/



  86.  #86Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    I’m thankful for the wonderful weather this weekend.

    I’m thankful for Simply Shannon, who I’ve heard raised the flag for me. Thanks, SS. Where are you? 🙂

    I’ll check “home” next time; I was on other thread. Here’s other thread…. –>
    ———————–
    535: Senior Lady Vibe says:

    I saw some talk on blog recently about “hanging out” etc etc Here’s a short little vid with some words on the subject.

    “Is this really a date?”
    http://www.youtube.com/user/datingwithdignity#p/u

    xoxo
    SLV

    Saturday, 4 June 2011 @ 1:47pm

    536: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    @529: Brenda
    Hey Brenda. I just logged onto blog and started at the bottom… working my way up.

    xoxo
    SLV

    Saturday, 4 June 2011 @ 1:50pm

    537: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    @531: Emerson

    Hey!

    xoxo
    SLV

    Saturday, 4 June 2011 @ 1:51pm

    538: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    Oh! Am I on the wrong thread again?

    Saturday, 4 June 2011 @ 1:53pm

    😳



  87.  #87Daria on June 4, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    ohhh

    all this pining… this wanted to feel wanted!!!

    by LOTS Of men

    it triggers flashes of memories of middleschool

    where i felt so NOT wanted and so unnattractive

    and even before when my heart first tightened in fear

    and the belief that im not wanted

    and im not attractive

    kicked up

    i want to hug that little girl with flashing lights and male attention

    all the amazing dizzying intense overwhelming attention i desired then

    oh love for me

    lots of love for me

    and for her

    all the lil boys wanting her

    bringing her gifts

    they all want her

    aww

    i feel moved

    i love my moving



  88.  #88Daria on June 4, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    omg if i had that i wouldnt have this craving for male attention

    i just had a quick glimpse of that feeling

    i would feel secure and just relaxed

    i wouldnt be reachign for exciting men

    as ive had their energy coming towards me since young

    ohh that feels scary too

    now i feel lonely

    all the male attention

    back tightening

    i love my back tightening

    they all love me

    so relaxed

    aww

    im sure the next one will love me too

    that feels scary again

    i just feel happy, in the moment and happy, connected, not ‘thinking’

    swept up



  89.  #89Daria on June 4, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    i feel deep ouch m y back

    i love my back pinching

    if this were healed what would i feel like?

    oh id be feeling into me sitting at my computer

    i feel overwhelmed

    i love me

    go me

    thank you me



  90.  #90Lilybelle on June 4, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    73:
    On Brenda~

    Thinking of you and sending you lots of prayers for a swift, SWIFT solution.

    My heart hurts thinking of you in a car… If you were near me, I would surely have you stay until you were up on your feet and I wouldn’t treat you like a sub-human. OMG!!!



  91.  #91Daria on June 4, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    no ‘drive’ to go out there and get it.. the attention

    no painful place in my heart on the upper left actually

    to run away from paying attention

    to

    i feel numb in my face

    i love my numbness

    i feel scared

    i love my fear

    and that feels like feeling moved and sobs

    i love my feeling moved and sobs

    and that feels like

    puouty

    i love my pouty

    and that feels like nausea

    i love my nausea

    and taht feels like

    pressure on temples

    i love my pressure on temples

    and that feels like neausea

    i love my nausea

    and that feels like

    closing eyes and breath

    i love m closing eyes and breath

    and that feels like gigling

    i love my giggling



  92.  #92Daria on June 4, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    and that feels like pressure on the sides of my nose

    i love the pressure on the sides of my nose

    and that feels like

    hot lips

    i love my hot lips

    and that feels like moved

    i love my moved

    and that feels like pinching on my neck

    i love the pinching on my neck

    and that feels like

    yawn

    i love my yawn

    and that feels like

    stretch

    i love my stretch

    and that feels like

    numbness on my forehead

    i love the numbness on my forehead

    and that feels like giggle

    i love my giggle

    and that feels like dizzy nausea

    i love my dizzy nausea

    and that feels like more giggling

    i love my more giggling

    and that feels like

    dizzy nausea

    i love my dizzy nausea

    and that feeels like

    huha

    i love my huaha

    and that feels like

    yawn i love my yawn

    and that feels like hot lower back

    i love my hot lower back

    and that feels like big giggling

    i love my big giggling

    and that feels like

    pinching on my clitoris

    i love the pinching on my clitoris

    and that feels like giggling

    i love my giggling

    and that feels like thristy

    i love my thirsty

    andt hat feels like

    gurgle in tummy

    i love my gurgle in tummy

    andt hat feels like warmness in shoulder and tingling and i love the warmness in shoulder and tingling

    andt hat feels like

    tingling on face

    and i love the tingling on face



  93.  #93Daria on June 4, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    i love my yawns

    i love how i feel more peaceful less ‘driven’ by urgency

    yay me

    yay healing

    i am an amazing powerful healer!



  94.  #94Daria on June 4, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    thank you my beautiful powerful strong loving mind!



  95.  #95Daria on June 4, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    thank you amazing healing mind!



  96.  #96Daria on June 4, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    wow thank you man who showed up to inspire this!



  97.  #97Lilybelle on June 4, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    Brenda… I can’t get you off my heart.

    You are so very brave.

    Lil



  98.  #98luzydel on June 4, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    I feel angry…

    I wish I could tell this to “D”

    ‘Please stop! Please do not look for me anymore, I met someone who wants me, who is proud of me and who is not emabrrased of me. He is what I deserve, what I want for me. You do not care about me you just like the fact that I like you, but you will never love me, or show me to your friends, for you I am just I hole where you just want to stick your penis, for you I am nothing but garbage. Let me go please!!! do not tx me or call me or email me anymore. I met the man of my dreams and your presence is making him go away.’ Get out of my life, I hate you!

    I feel angry, really angry…I do not want “d” or any man to have control over me.



  99.  #99Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    @19: Lilybelle says:
    “I feel frustrated and believe I will reply with:
    Wrestle pigs and whittle wood…”

    ‘Whittle pigs and wrestle wood’ is good too. 😆

    xoxo
    SLV



  100.  #100Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    @26: luzydel says:
    “…Yeah I hear this, but men are not responsible for my happyness; I am. I do not like the frase ‘Imagine that he is only there in your life to make YOU HAPPY.'”

    My way of thinking is “he’s here to ADD to my happiness.” How about that?

    xoxo
    SLV



  101.  #101Daria on June 4, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    luzydel – a feeling message translation is

    i feel angry… i don’t want to hear from you anymore



  102.  #102DE on June 4, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    Wow,

    i just came from the movies…and watched “Pirates of the Caribbeans…”

    Awesome, i really enjoyed it…there is a part where the captured mermaid is sooo vulnerable – without water, now she has legs, yet she is too weak to walk; the pirates force her walk, she falls and says she cannot…; in the plot, this time is a missionary …good guy……the missionary man comes to her rescue and gives her his shirt and tells her to hold on to him…at which she says distrustful to him something that “Mermaids don’t need/ask for help”…and which he says…”but you need help…” and she hesitantly accepts his help…

    i felt soo touched by this scene…and so many others…it was indeed beautiful…she revealed the beauty of her heart once she felt safe with him…just awesome…a must watch 🙂



  103.  #103Daria on June 4, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    oh no no no

    the little ‘wittycisms’ about pigs and wood push men away

    thats just a mental thing we do to cover our hearts

    what are we really feeling

    “i feel frustrated being asked that question”

    practicing being open with EVERYONE is what works so we can be open with a man



  104.  #104Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    @36: Lucy says:
    “…SLV, the sticker date you had for me was right around the time a special man started connecting with me. I feel hopeful. I feel grateful to you for believing in me and honoring me with a sticker in your calendar. <3…"

    You're welcome. I was wondering what happened. I haven't been moved to place stickers lately…

    xoxo
    SLV



  105.  #105FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    Thanks, SLV, that was a really FUN video to watch and seems to be along the same lines as Rori’s-world 🙂

    (((Daria))) I really get your longing and needing either man attention–or sex. I HEAR you loud and clear. I hope I’m not out of line in saying this—but you seem very open about your body, so I feel like I can talk about this with you.

    As I understand it, when we long, pine, wish, want, need, ache for a man—all the Universe picks up on is “lack” or “not having a man.” I’ve always been a very sexual person and after 12 years of sleeping next to a man every night I REALLY miss it.

    How open are you to loving/pleasuring yourself? I don’t mean the quick, two-minute ‘tension orgasm’—I mean really making love to yourself? (Bubble bath, candles, maybe a glass of wine or a couple hits of “something tasty”, a mirror and some privacy.) Exploring your sexuality and learning how to give yourself unbelievable, earthshaking orgasms? (If I had not known myself as well as I do I would never been able to achieve the mind-bending whole body orgasms I experienced with xbf.) SO many benefits from this kind of self-knowledge…

    Aside from learning and enjoying—I find that I can go from feeling ‘lack’ to feeling very satisfied (and like I want to feel when I’m with a man) by loving myself. I know some women have ‘toys’ and like to experiment that way. I find no need for anything other than my imagination. 😉

    Now, I KNOW it’s not the same as having sex with a man….BUT it helps me by getting my vibe to a better place.) It also makes me feel more attractive and all around sexier.

    You might enjoy http://www.dodsonandross.com (I think SLV has posted links to this site.) I’ve been a Betty Dodson ‘fan’ for decades. Her work was the foundation of me learning to love my body–I still struggle with a few extra pounds sometimes–but I love my ‘girl parts’ and always have.

    I find this to be healing for me in many ways…and also gives me the same healthy glow that having sex with a partner does. (I can’t imagine not doing it, actually…)

    I hope I haven’t grossed anybody out, here…or painted myself as a pervert. :-p I just see you, Daria, as so open and willing to take good care of yourself. I’m not saying it will make you want a man less…but it can help you with your vibe and keep the focus on feeling good (which is the whole point of attracting/manifesting what we want.)



  106.  #106Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    @58: DE
    @Daria

    Was that site richmen dot com? Is it connected to FB is some way, a FB fan page for it? Page held squeeze page for FB at same time and pulled up my city/state too… also there was on same squeeze page a link to wealthymen.com

    Or was the site daterichmen dot com ? I’m not sure I’m getting URL right, the one Daria mentioned. But the ones above are there too!

    Interesting.

    xoxo
    SLV



  107.  #107FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    I do understand that I don’t have to have ‘closure’ in order to move on, but I feel like I do—-in the sense that as soon as I go out with another man or let another man kiss me, etc.—–I feel like I’m slamming the door shut on xbf for good. Why can’t I handle that? What’s my problem?



  108.  #108Daria on June 4, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    the richmen.com site, i signed up for, i read a few profiles, mostly seemed to be looking for sex…

    also some men on there did NOT seem rich



  109.  #109Daria on June 4, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    Flowerchild – there’s no problem, just inexperience…

    you’ll see how quickly things shift for you ! 🙂



  110.  #110Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    @60: FlowerChild77 says:
    “… Maybe other Sirens will think I’m wrong or ‘too new’ to say this much, but I’m only sharing my own experience and what worked for me to change a pattern that no longer served me…”

    In my experience and IMHO, totally correct! And that “love/sex hormone” can be a “poisoning” that is no damn joke either… :cry”

    xoxo
    SLV



  111.  #111Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    @83: Daria

    I’ve always liked that particular Rori post: “no closure, stay on your horse.” 🙂 Yea!

    xoxo
    SLV



  112.  #112Daria on June 4, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    SLV – i know!! i thought of you as i was linking it!



  113.  #113Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    @106: Daria says:
    “..the richmen.com site, i signed up for, i read a few profiles, mostly seemed to be looking for sex
    also some men on there did NOT seem rich..”

    Oh, well… 😳

    A lot of poor guys are mostly looking for sex too… so maybe the rich men site could just be considered another source for meeting guys and sorting them out later.

    What do you think? Maybe after you’ve met a few…

    xoxo
    SLV



  114.  #114luzydel on June 4, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    I don’t want closure, I want him to leave me alone for good! If he doesn’t contact me, I wont contact him, so he will dissolved out of my life once I know he is gone, but if he comes back to me I start to feel hopeful again and that ruins all the hopes I have for other men who are better for me.

    F@ck closure, just get out of my life if you dont want me!



  115.  #115Daria on June 4, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    I would so love to learn this!!

    Exploring your sexuality and learning how to give yourself unbelievable, earthshaking orgasms? (If I had not known myself as well as I do I would never been able to achieve the mind-bending whole body orgasms I experienced with xbf.) SO many benefits from this kind of self-knowledge…



  116.  #116Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    @105: FlowerChild77
    I didn’t discover Dodson and Ross until a year ago. I don’t read much there lately but it’s a wonderful resource. I recommend it. I look for all the DodsonandRoss “Friday videos” — which reminds me… I didn’t watch yesterday’s video!

    xoxo
    SLV



  117.  #117Daria on June 4, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    thank you so much flowerchild!



  118.  #118FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    Thank you SLV… I feel a bit intimidated, at times, because I’m new and haven’t bought all the programs, etc. I do have the book, though 🙂

    And yes….this is the worst ‘poisoning’ I’ve experienced in my life. There were issues (obviously, or I’d still be there) but it’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. Perhaps that makes it hard also. I try to ‘upgrade’ each time 😉

    Thank you Daria…for your words of encouragement. I read that post when she first put it up and I’ve read it over and over. My mind comprehends, but my spirit/heart is scared and unsure.

    I honestly think I’m afraid of meeting someone else. I have my ‘alone time’ issues and, I think, a very real fear of intimacy (this has to be it.) I’ve had three relationships (2 marriages.) I was the one who ended all of them.

    Am I afraid of meeting a step-up guy?



  119.  #119Daria on June 4, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    i might have to check out those dodson and ross again… i feel curious

    i didn’t feel particularly drawn in the first time i checked it out

    i actually don’t have full privacy here

    my mom is usually home when i am, so i don’t feel comfortable making loud sounds



  120.  #120Daria on June 4, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    SLV – hey im on it! the richmen site

    it seemed overwhelmingly sexual, but i don’t mind giving it a chance



  121.  #121DE on June 4, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    I feel a bit sad…pouty cheeks…heavy chest…

    My tonite date called to confirm ab tonite…asking if i want to join him to a basketball game tonite…a friend of his is playing …

    wow…initially, i thought he is trying to get out of the date…i recall our last conversation where i expressed that i would love for him to plan the date…
    but, a 1st date (the initial coffee thing was a meeting to me, not a date)…at a local blah, blah basketball thing…? arghhh…

    i responded that i don’t feel like watching a basketball game…yet, i would have loved to see him…he responded, oh, of course, we can do something else…what do u want to do? ”

    Hmm..i felt unheard…we already had this conv…so again, i expressed that it would feel good if he can come up with a plan…he says he will call in couple of hrs with the “plan”…hmm…i feel so tempted to take care of me…which is …meet with some friends…

    argh…i feel resistance in my body…coming from being disappointed, fear that “i am not worth it” to be invited to a well thought planned date 🙁

    now, as i type this, taking in deep breaths…relax my shoulders…i am enough…i would feel good with my own company even…why these expectations from someone else???



  122.  #122FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    Yes! I love the Friday videos 🙂 Their energy is contagious! I also think Betty’s artwork is exceptionally beautiful.

    Daria, I’m relieved to know my sharing may help you. It feels great being able to contribute even though I’m a ‘baby’ Siren 🙂 (Feel free to e-mail me anytime if you’d like to talk more…)



  123.  #123Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    @117: Daria says:
    “…my mom is usually home when i am, so i don’t feel comfortable making loud sounds…”

    Actually…. no loud sounds required…. 🙂 whatever it is you decide to do. Also, there is a lot of reading material, blogs, Q&A, current events, erotica, audio tapes, art, videos. Lots of stuff for everyone.

    I don’t agree with all, but it’s a really, really good site for “all things sexual” and the celebration of women. Also just good old biological information too. And there is a lot of humour, especially in some of the Friday videos.

    It’s not usually haha funny (sometimes it is), there is such a feeling of joy and well-being. The Q&A sections are priceless. You can post your question! I haven’t but I enjoy reading them.

    I think you’ll like it.
    http://www.dodsonandross.com

    xoxo
    SLV



  124.  #124Daria on June 4, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    hey you guys! girls!

    the ones who really ‘get’ circular dating…

    Rori?

    umm

    i just had two guys that are basically deciding to “go” when i am telling them about my circular dating.

    the first one i was SUPER into, and he wanted me and him to get off pof together

    the second one was a “nice” guy, a very out of my comfort zone man, totally nerdy, analytical, soft,

    so now he’s telling me he feels like a stepping stone…

    and that when he kissed me he didn’t notice that i was attracted

    i said i dont feel physically attracted

    now he’s telling me, which the first guy did

    is how do i know other guys will not feel the same way

    and etc

    wat the EFF?

    this is triggering me!!!

    what if they’re right!!

    what if no one will want me because im practicing and growing

    and they get all INTO me and then they feel too vulnerable without me committing

    what if all men will feel too vulnerable to keep seeing me BECAUSE they feel so attracted to me

    waah!

    “nice-man” says:

    “I do NOT want to meet a serial-dater. someone that dates regardless of attraction, just to get out of the house, and say that you dated. I wanted to meet someone that expresses mutual genuine interest in me… someone that shows enthusiasm about spending time with me.”

    and im like waaaah

    im being seen as shallow and superficial and that feels awful



  125.  #125Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    @119: DE

    My take on it is, your man is probably really happy to be going to a game where is friend is playing, and he’s sharing it with you, thinking you’d like it too…

    But if you’d hate it, don’t go… there will be other days and other plans.

    xoxo
    SLV



  126.  #126DE on June 4, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    On the other hand, this afternoon I had a nice breakthrough with an old acquaintance….

    I met this guy five years ago…he was one of my first dates…he really was my “Sexual Healing” kinda of man…awesome in bed and on planning dates…yet, he had a temper…and afraid of real intimacy…many female friends…i felt unsafe with him because of his many gfs…lots of gossip about them…it felt bad…

    yet, he would not let me go either…i wanted something stable…i expressed about the sexual jokes emails he would sent me and all the other female friends…he disregarded…

    at which at some point, i replied to one and cc all the other women about our nite before…i wanted a reaction from him…he claimed he did not see any other women and he was not interested in anybody else, so me doing what i did…i forced his hand…

    oh boy, he was furious…lol i felt scared by his reaction….and i sure disappeared…

    two months later, he posted on yahoo as his “motto”…’LOOKING TO FIND E…F…” I felt shacky and scared…:( Anyway, i sent him a message and asked what’s this ab? He wanted to meet me right the way…he had something important to tell me…

    I finally gave in and met him…he came with a rose and his heart on his sleeve…beautiful dinner and romantic…yet, i felt sooo guarded…i told him i was dating other people at the time…and that i would like to take it slow…he accepted…but within 10 days..his temper got ahead of him…and i felt scared and threatened again…

    about two years later, he contacts me again on match (after a breakup i just had) and asked to take me out to dinner…i accepted…it felt good talking to him…but i didn’t feel like he was changed based on again “gossipy” stuff he was sharing ab his female friends, etc…i stopped communicating again…

    well, since…everytime he seems me on match, he sends me a message…nice, polite…sharing he is a changed man…

    i also know from someone ( a guy i dated that knows him and also dated one of his female friend) that S is obsessed ab me and he won’t let me go easily…

    hmm…now, two years later…here is again…still single…still reaching out…

    this time i responded…

    and here is the conversation:
    *****************************

    S: Well, hello.
    Back for another round?

    How have you been?

    Me: “Hi S,

    Hmm..”back for another round?”…it feels bad reading it…i feel like i want to defend myself…uncomfortable…judged 🙁

    I feel very good about myself actually…life feels amazing to me these days 🙂

    Thank u for saying hello 🙂 ”

    S response :
    “Oh, it’s definitely NOT a judgment at all. How could I judge you or anyone on here when I’m on here too? 🙂
    Of course it is a bit frustrating though. You wouldn’t think it would be THIS difficult to find ONE person of the opposite sex for a possible long-term relationship. However, there’s no escaping reality.

    Anyway, I’m glad you’re doing well. You always seemed to be when I knew you. And there’s never any reason you shouldn’t feel good about yourself!! Remember that.

    I notice your pictures are pretty recent. You look good. Then again, you always have.

    So if you’re not too…put off by me, we should get together sometime for lunch or something. Catch up a bit.”
    ***********************
    I felt good reading his message and I actually feel open to seeing him…

    what do u Sirens think?



  127.  #127Rosa on June 4, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    I am using part of this tool.

    “Imagine if you have the POWER” ..

    This is right in line with what I was thinking on the previous blog about strength and empowerment and how FM’s automatically raise the internal power wattage , increasing that sense of personal power while allowing you to remain open and vulnerable to a mans approach. Strong of course is what we are then , strong and open.

    I am also considering “confident ” men as having a very attractive power , and I realise I want some too!
    For me that means more FM’s , more tuning in to what i want and learning to state what i want.

    Long distance man said last night he is making time to see me and will be coming to town for 2 weeks soon, the implication being that he wants to get to know me more.

    ” I feel happy that you made the time! I feel a little pressure too in this situation. It feels difficult to get to know someone in a short space of time. I feel stressed ” And then Stop Sign , rethink ..STOP the “damage control push away ” , STOP worrying about his feelings getting hurt because you arent attracted after just one meeting….!!!!!!

    Next attempt –
    “I feel honoured you are making yourself available in your break. I want to have a good time and some laughs with you and it would feel great to go out for dinner with you “- sounds better , still a little stand offish…

    Now with a doggy treat voice ..
    ” That feels so special that you are making time for me. I am feeling curious about you and whether we could be a match. I am looking forward to your call.” makes ME the decider and makes ME the treat . Hmmm…it feels better! the anxiety has losened in my gut when i think of it this way.

    Like this tool! Thanks Rori.



  128.  #128Daria on June 4, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    DE – uhoh! your nv’s are coming up to push him away…

    a basketball game is a great idea for a date… and if you don’t like that…

    then he’s stepping up by asking you what you would like…

    glad you are facing those nv’s

    give them a hug, let him lead… you don’t HAVE to go somewhere fancy for it to be a date, OR FOR YOU TO BE TREATED WELL



  129.  #129DE on June 4, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    SLV & Daria:

    Yes, i agree with u both…when a man invites u to something they love doing…it usually means u are “in”…especially, if they invite u where their friends are…

    yes, these are totally my nvs…insecurities hidden behind expectations…maybe selfishness…fear…:(

    Warm hugs,



  130.  #130Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    @122: Daria says:
    …and im like waaaah
    im being seen as shallow and superficial and that feels awful…”

    I’m working out my thoughts on this but i know that there’s not much chance that I’m going to be struck down by attraction lightning on a first date and then decide some guy is my forever and ever sweetie (even “Sweetie”… heehee)

    Guys just want to keep women for themselves…until they tire of them. OK, that’s what I think. They’re men! They’re territorial! You know… they fight wars over territory…

    xoxo
    SLV



  131.  #131Femininewoman on June 4, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    DE I’m wondering if it registered to angry man that his anger scares you and if he has done anything to heal his anger. I would be interested to know about people he has dated to see why after all this time he has not connected with anyone. Wondering if they have seen the same side of him you have?



  132.  #132luzydel on June 4, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    I feel bad again ugh!

    That is somethig I disagree with Rory and the p[eople on this blog, CD does not help me feel better – it complicates my life. Being open to the men who come back brings back feelings I thought were gone. Ugh!!!

    I feel better when I focus on me, when I date only myself. When men are not in my life. I need to close my profiles again and go bak to me; that is what makes me happy and safe.



  133.  #133Femininewoman on June 4, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    RE 125 Rosa “looking forward to the call”. Not sure I would say this.



  134.  #134Daria on June 4, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    “no one is going to want to pursue a woman that has 200 other options”

    “no man is going to allow themselves to get emotionally close to a woman that is emotionally unavailable”

    me: “well i don’t feel emotionally unavailable at all”

    him: “i didn’t think you were. but i do think you are a serial-dater, by my definintion. which sucks… because i really wish you knew what you wanted already

    because if it were me, we’d be a good match

    because your core values and such are exactly what I am looking for in a partner”

    me: “i do know what i want

    i want a man that is willing to pursue me”

    ***

    i did use feeling messages when i caught myself… last i said i feel angry



  135.  #135DE on June 4, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    FW:

    Yes, u right on the money…I expressed to him at the time that his anger is something i would absolutely not tolerate…my ex husband had a bad temper…

    and yes, he admitted to it..and about some steamy situations with his exgf who “cheated on him”…and also, later opened up about his mother and aunt beating them very hard as kids…and he never could defend himself…went to military school just so he could get away from his family…he hasn’t spoken to them in a very long time…:( i don’t know what has happened to him for the past few years…i do know he did go to counseling and has a pretty healthy life style…he doesn’t drink, smoke…either..

    Warm hugs,



  136.  #136Femininewoman on June 4, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    Luzydel I suspect that it is because you are not open to having people in your life why you might be feeling that way. What came to mind is that on a daily basis we interact with the other sex everywhere we go anyway. Why not just start with that? When we harden our hearts it is not always easy to open it again.



  137.  #137Daria on June 4, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    luzydel – safe and closed off is like the “cage” … it does not help us grow

    those feelings that come up are coming up to be felt and healed

    each man is a messenger and the purpose of CD is therapy… “what did this man show up for me to HEAL today?”

    you can do this



  138.  #138Rosa on June 4, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    FW context – he said he would be calling. But yes it sounds more eager than I feel.



  139.  #139Rosa on June 4, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    I am interested in Luzdels comments about finding CDing stressful , yes it can be. I am finding that too, BUT its huge practice when i dive into those stressed feelings …

    And I discovered i am stressed about not hurting anyones feelings ,
    and that i am the TREAT and it feels good that the best one comes and claims me.



  140.  #140Daria on June 4, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    more trigger stuff:

    “I don’t mean for you to get angry. you are attractive, yes… 200 guys a day will want to meet you

    but will you want to meet all of them?? of course not… I hope not anyways…

    if you were to go out on any guy that asks you out on a date, that would be as if you had no standards…”



  141.  #141Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    @130: luzydel says:
    “..I feel bad again ugh!
    That is somethig I disagree with Rory and the p[eople on this blog,..”

    Only speaking for me, I don’t have a problem with stepping away or doing NO CONTACT RULE either if I decide that is best for me. Or doing
    “No Place To Be Found On the Planet”, I think it’s called. Guys will still be around in three, four, five months and probably contact then too. If I want to talk to them THEN, I do.

    No closure works well to help ME not contact them to get “closure.” I pull guy onto horse and keep moving. But NO CONTACT helps me when they are running after me, calling my name and trying to pull me OFF my horse… See the difference? Just IMHO.

    xoxo
    SLV



  142.  #142Femininewoman on June 4, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Rosa I thought so. For me I build expectations when I get that kind of promise. Looking forward for me suggests I will be waiting doing nothing until the call comes in. I like man who steps up or lives up to his word or a take charge man or some variation is what I use now. I feel taken care of when a man stands by his word.



  143.  #143Femininewoman on June 4, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    I had a body shop look at my car today and called the guy who hit it. It was early and he did not pick up. I had a second opion for an estimate and called; again he did not pick up and I left a message. I got pleasantly surprised when he called later and felt good about myself for trust how I felt in the situation on Thursday. He promised to take care of the car and said “I would never do that to anyone”. It felt really good to see that there are still people we can trust and that there is goodness in the human spirit.



  144.  #144FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    Daria..I do understand the privacy thing–it’s pretty important 😉

    Are they sound sleepers?



  145.  #145Femininewoman on June 4, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    RE 138 That feels judgemental, critical and controlling



  146.  #146Daria on June 4, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    DE – Yes, i agree with u both…when a man invites u to something they love doing…it usually means u are “in”…especially, if they invite u where their friends are…

    I don’t Believe this either. It doesn’t ‘mean’ anything…



  147.  #147Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    @132: Daria says:
    “…because i really wish you knew what you wanted already…”

    If this is you, Daria. Well, I think *I* know what you want; I believe you told me once. Something like this (I think it’s me too) ==>You want to meet and get to know men and keep yourself available for marriage. Tweak that if it’s not quite right.

    “…because if it were me, we’d be a good match….”

    Well, then, did he ask you to marry him? 🙂

    “…because your core values and such are exactly what I am looking for in a partner…”

    How long did you date so that he learned your core values…? If it was a short amount of time, *I* might not yet know *his* core values. Do you know his core values. Is saying this to “convince” you to be a “girlfriend.”

    Daria, I know you can do better than I to discuss NOT becoming a quickie girlfriend. I think you are a little annoyed with his position. I’d be annoyed too. (I was nice and edited “pissed.”)

    Did he define what he means by “serial dater” and why he doesn’t like it, whatever it is.

    xoxo
    SLV



  148.  #148Daria on June 4, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    Fw – looking at it as judgemental critical and controlling is a judgement…

    What I felt was tightened up, and angry

    So I shared that

    He now called me twice and left a voicemail

    This is awesome practice



  149.  #149Femininewoman on June 4, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    RE 146 I know.



  150.  #150FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    Daria and SLV/#122&128 I totally agree with SLV. Having the same answers to a few questions on a dating site is not grounds to make a long-term commitment (or expect one.) These guys just sound kinda’ lazy. I can see where you are frustrated.

    I’m wondering if you have to talk about CD right away. Is it that they are not ‘hearing’ your feeling msgs around getting to know each other, etc.? Do they not listen and you kind of have to “clobber them over the head” with CDing? Cuz if they’re really hearing you—I don’t see why it has to come up that early on.

    I am new to this, so don’t think I’m dumb. Maybe I’m not understanding how CD works. (In a speed-dating situation I can see where it would be relevant and necessary to bring it up, but…)



  151.  #151Daria on June 4, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    Slv – well I’m taking it all as healing practice. He came up to heal for me insecurities . Those beliefs that hes sharing that feel triggering are reflections of my own unconscious ones.

    I’m practicing feeling my feelings and speaking from there…

    Though the examples I wrote where were I got swept into ‘debate/defense’

    We met on pof on Tuesday and went on two dates.

    It’s AMAZIng that he’s coming across with the same beliefs I just heard from Husbandman, who I felt So attracted to…

    Shows how indeed unconscious my man picker is… Wow.

    Picking same kinda men that look vastly different on outside.



  152.  #152Daria on June 4, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    These guys Really like me, and they want to move fast emotionally. Cd it comes up early because I share about it early…

    I’m doing really well here, facing this and sharing my feelings



  153.  #153Daria on June 4, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Thanks for the support goddeses.



  154.  #154Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    @149: Daria says:
    “…Picking same kinda men that look vastly different on outside…”

    I think I lot of men would prefer women date only them…even if they are dating other women. Do you know what the one guy meant by “serial dater?” I’m curious.

    xoxo
    SLV



  155.  #155Daria on June 4, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    I wonder what the message is. What did this guy show up to heal.

    Well I got one message so far: whether gangster or nerd the same issues can come up with a man.



  156.  #156Daria on June 4, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    Slv – yeah he meant dating a lot of men



  157.  #157Daria on June 4, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    Soo ok I have this fear that Mercedes once said

    That no man with self esteem will accept to be one of many men a woman is sleeping with

    To me this belief extrapolates to dating

    No man is actually gona stick around when they get romantic feelings for me and I’m not willing to be exclusive



  158.  #158Daria on June 4, 2011 at 6:09 pm

    Ok so how do I heal this

    Just keep letting them go?

    Husbandman said only a clownfish will stick around for that and he’s a tiger shark

    He said too that any man who would be willing to share me must not have really cared about me in the firstplace



  159.  #159Daria on June 4, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    It seems like they just start spewing assumptions about me… Like ‘they just used you till you were used up’ etc etc

    Which felt triggering cuz

    I don’t want to be seen as weak, allowing people to use me up… 🙁

    And what if I was… I love me, the vulnerable open, sharing, trusting part of me

    And I feel angry

    Perhaps that’s the message: I feel angry!



  160.  #160FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    Isn’t there a big difference between sleeping with other men and dating other men.

    I know there have been big discussions around this on the board. To me there’s a difference.



  161.  #161FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    This is what I mean though… Would this stuff even come up if you were just having fun and in the ‘now’ of getting to know each other?

    Did you talk in your profile about taking time to get to know each other, etc.?

    I’m still learning about CDing.



  162.  #162Daria on June 4, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    To me well I am one of the ones who feels intrigued and excited and wow to imagine having multiple lovers .

    I often wonder if Rori says to tell the man, if we were exclusive, that ‘I’ll still be sexually exclusive, but that’s it’

    Is that to placate the man? Because otherwise men Would leave?

    Or is it to ease the woman into circular dating…

    Hmm

    I’m not interested in sexual exclusivity right now though…



  163.  #163luzydel on June 4, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    SLV Yes!

    “D” came bac k to throw me out of my horse, he said he misses me, but makes no effort to see me, he said he cant stop thinking about me, but Iam not seeing him stepping up his game. WHy does he call again? look for me? I was moving forward, dating again and to be hones did not miss him much.

    I had dinner though, it felt good to take care of my needs. I wish I had the guts to tell “D” to F*ck off though.



  164.  #164Daria on June 4, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    Flowerchild – it doesn’t have to come up but it often does, I like being authentic and open , it’s not something I want to hide

    Most guys are ok with it till they start getting feelings for me

    Mff



  165.  #165Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    Daria: I’m enjoying reading about your practice with these men.

    I’m feeling curious, are you willing to become exclusive with a man only after he proposes or are you willing to give exclusivity a try with a man who is consistently stepping up?

    No judgment either way, just curious what your choice is in that regard.

    Also, have you had any dates with husbandman yet?

    This sounds like awesome practice!



  166.  #166Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    Just realizing that I didn’t specify dating exclusivity or sexual exclusivity when really those are two separate things.



  167.  #167Daria on June 4, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    I am exploring the Dodson Ross site but am not feeling good doing so. I feel turned off by it, the feminist masculine voice tone-feel of it – my judgement

    What I feel is turned off, uncomfortable

    I don’t want to use vibrators,
    Mfff

    I feel pouty

    Thank you everyone for helping me heal



  168.  #168RiverGirl on June 4, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    @ 162

    Daria, would it also be authentic to say that something like ” it feels too soon to be exclusive, I want to take my time to get to know a man. I want to wait until I feel safe to be completely vulnerable with him”?



  169.  #169Daria on June 4, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    Lg – no dates with Husbandman, just 3 intense phone convos

    I really would like to not be exclusive until a man proposes

    For sexual exclusivity, I want to wait until I feel like I’d desire it … Don’t want a certain man sleeping w other women



  170.  #170Daria on June 4, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    Rivergirl – sounds authentic to me!



  171.  #171RiverGirl on June 4, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    Daria,
    Haha, I should have said would it to be authentic for you to say that to your CDs that baulk at no girlfriend boundary. 😉



  172.  #172FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    Daria,

    Ok. Got it. If monogamy isn’t your goal right now, then it’s different. 🙂 Please be careful (safe sex.) Betty Dodson was talking about how very different it is today than it was in the 70’s. Back then there were no virus’ or diseases you couldn’t cure with a shot of penicillin. They were saying that Saran Wrap makes a great ‘barrier’ for oral sex (condoms don’t taste good) as HPV can be transmitted that way (giving us certain throat cancers.) Sounds silly, but hey… 😉

    Again—I’m feeling protective because you’re young >>”I often wonder if Rori says to tell the man, if we were exclusive, that ‘I’ll still be sexually exclusive, but that’s it’ Is that to placate the man? Because otherwise men Would leave?”<<<

    I think Rori means that in the case of the woman starts CDing because she's ready to commit and he's 'not sure' or 'needs time'. He'll know that she's not going to go sleep with other men (which, in this day and age, I associate with a level of risk for both) but she will be spending time with other men, going on coffee or dinner dates, having fun,—which, could lead to something more…it's competition and may make her guy "step up and claim her."

    Am I starting to get this? 🙂



  173.  #173Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    @154: Daria says:
    “Slv – yeah he meant dating a lot of men…”:

    Ohhhh, I guess I’m not thinking. “Serial dater” … like “serial killer.” Oh. 😯

    The more the merrier, for me, until Sweetie turns up and we’re BOTH ready for it to be just us.

    But I might be heading in a non-romantic direction in dating, so everybody don’t go getting all shocked… Still working on that, finding my way with what’s best for me.

    oops, I originally typed “beheading”… strange… could it be meaningful?

    xoxo
    SLV



  174.  #174FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    >>>”For sexual exclusivity, I want to wait until I feel like I’d desire it … Don’t want a certain man sleeping w other women”<<<

    Wait…are you saying that you want to sleep with other men but you don't want them to?



  175.  #175RiverGirl on June 4, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    @ slv
    Many men would enjoy it if you would be heading them!



  176.  #176Daria on June 4, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Yeah well I wonder if she was to sleep with other men would any man want her.

    That is the q my lil consciousness is bringing up.

    And I know yes, from experience…

    So many triggers are coming up…

    ‘monogamy is not your goal’

    Marriage actually very monogamous marriage is my goal… Waaah!

    I feel so judged and ‘punished’ for being honest about shit so many people do anyway and lie about it!!!

    I feel angry!

    Yes I don’t want a fuchkin boyfriend, yes I want to sleep with many men and yes I Still want to be liked and I Still want marriage

    And I feel angry

    I feel angry I feel angry!

    Fuchk off judgements

    Kablowie!

    All judgements fall off Daria…

    Yahoo

    Yes they are weeding themselves out

    Yes I want a lover or more for right now…

    There is one who says he wants to..,

    But I want more more more more love!

    I want love Now!



  177.  #177Daria on June 4, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    Flowerchild – well I’ve thought about it, and being the woman and attractor I guess I potentially Could require them to not sleep w others…

    Which gets even More triggering that No one healthy will want to stick around with that…

    But no in this case what I meant was I don’t want to be sexually exclusive until it’s Me who wants to. … And I wasn’t requiring it from them either



  178.  #178Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    @165: Daria says:
    “…I feel turned off by it, the feminist masculine voice tone-feel of it – my judgement
    What I feel is turned off, uncomfortable
    I don’t want to use vibrators…”

    Vibrators not necessary. The women are not masculine; however, I don’t agree with everything as I don’t with anything else. I fashion what works for me.

    I take what calls to me, make use of it and leave the rest, as with other things I do and places I visit. I get lots of good stuff that way. 🙂

    It takes some discernment. You might find some things are for you and some things are not.

    xoxo
    SLV



  179.  #179Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    Daria: This is so cool to me. It seems like these guys and their judgements are helping you to get super clear on what you want.

    And when that clarity is there, it can’t help but be magnetized to you.

    So what I’m hearing you say is…

    Right now you want at least one lover, maybe more, while you continue to circular date and you are willing to have sexual exclusivity when it feels right and you prefer to not have dating exclusivity until a man proposes.

    Yes?

    I wouldn’t get too discouraged. I bet these guys aren’t really going anywhere, they are just testing your boundaries.



  180.  #180Mel on June 4, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    Thanks LonePlum for your message. I really like the written contract idea. Spelling it out… exactly what we BOTH need to be happy and agreeing to do (or maybe not do) those things.

    I also like how you helped to articulate some really good feeling messages for some difficult situations. You’re right, it’s not about making him wrong for behaving in a certain way, but about taking care of myself when put in uncomfortable situations. This is perhaps where the anger is coming from. Because I’m not being true to myself.

    Instead of leaving in the car and spending the night somewhere where I felt peaceful and safe when he was drinking, I chose to stay and feel bad.



  181.  #181Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    @170: FlowerChild77 says:
    “…They were saying that Saran Wrap makes a great ‘barrier’ for oral sex (condoms don’t taste good) as HPV can be transmitted that way (giving us certain throat cancers.) Sounds silly, but hey……”

    Things were much different in the 70’s. And it’s sad that I’m seeing people who are getting their sex education from porn. It’s kind of scary. Particularly for women who are getting and giving oral sex and men eager to convince them that it’s “not sex ” and multiple partners are no big thing. What a deal for the guys! LOL I see a lot of that.

    I’m doing a project on some of these things. That reminds me, one of the posters on a male dating coach’s blog gave a link to article re: the “pornization of sex.” It’s on my list and I haven’t read it yet. If it’s any good maybe I’ll post the link… I’ll have to hunt for it. Looking at things over time and distance, it’s easier to see the patterns form. Interesting.

    xoxo
    SLV



  182.  #182Daria on June 4, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    Lg – yes but I’ve been clear on wanting that for a long time…

    So what’s the message?

    This feels great: ‘ I wouldn’t get too discouraged. I bet these guys aren’t really going anywhere, they are just testing your boundaries.’

    Yay! Perhaps this will be the message too..,

    More healing And fun.



  183.  #183Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    @173: RiverGirl says:
    “…Many men would enjoy it if you would be heading them!..”

    I was thinking more of “losing my head.” LOL 😆

    xoxo
    SLV



  184.  #184Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    Do these men know that right now what you really want most is a lover and you aren’t requiring sexual exclusivity.

    What do you want from your lover more specifically? Do you want to go on dates also or is it more about lovemaking?

    I feel uncomfortable asking all these questions because I don’t want to be annoying yet I’m feel unable to offer and help without knowing what it is you really want.

    I also get the sense that maybe a “vibe clear” ? would be helpful. Like maybe part of the problem is that they aren’t completely sure what it is you are wanting.



  185.  #185FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    SLV–I know what you mean. It’s take what you like and leave the rest for dodsonandross (or anything else, as you said) I think the years I grew up in give me a certain appreciation for feminist pioneers like Betty….and possibly for you too.

    Daria…I wasn’t judging you. I’m sorry if that’s how it came out. LG put it into a few short phrases and I get it now.



  186.  #186Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    And maybe what is coming across as anger and judgment is really just confusion on their part and not knowing how to make you happy.

    But they can’t show their confusion because it would make them appear weak, so it comes out as anger.

    All speculation on my part of course but that is the sense that I get.



  187.  #187Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    And also what does exclusivity mean to these guys? Are they wanting sexual exclusivity? Or dating exclusivity? For you to take your pof profile down but still go out with other men?

    Rori has said that men can know in just a few months if they want to marry a women so this could happen very fast for you.

    Are you ready?



  188.  #188Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    I wonder if you told them that toy would be willing to be exclusive if your needs and desires were met like

    -great sex
    -spending time together
    -feeling safe and understood

    So that way, they see that you are not being unreasonable and it gives them clear goals to work towards.

    And they have no reason to expect anything of you until they are meeting their end of the deal.



  189.  #189Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    Btw, I don’t know that those are your list of requirements, those were just an example.

    It makes it really clear for them what they need to do.



  190.  #190Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    @183: FlowerChild77 says:
    “…SLV–I know what you mean. It’s take what you like and leave the rest for dodsonandross (or anything else, as you said) I think the years I grew up in give me a certain appreciation for feminist pioneers like Betty….and possibly for you too. …”

    Yes, and I’m older than you… you l’il young thang you! 😉 Betty Dodson, older than me, had free flowing times in the 70’s but group sex never interested me (too much… LOL) and still doesn’t.

    It’s easy to find a lover and sexual dates, really. A woman can get a cute one in about 15 minutes from Craig’s List. About 10 minutes if she’s pretty.

    If you want it, go for it, just be careful is what I say. If a women wants to have sex, she can. Easily.

    I’m looking for something different.

    xoxo
    SLV



  191.  #191FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    #179/SLV So, yes, you get it. I remember the awful fear when the news of AIDS first came out. My first husband cheated on me–a lot. I’ve had two HIV tests. I don’t think my second husband cheated on me, but I couldn’t trust him, in general, so I tested anyway. I probably should get one again if I become sexually active. I’d expect the same of the man.

    Education is power. I wonder if the availability of the internet is helping kids get the correct information—if their parents are lame about being open with them.

    I’d be interested in that article if you find the link.



  192.  #192Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    @189: FlowerChild77 says:
    “…#179/SLV So, yes, you get it. I remember the awful fear when the news of AIDS first came out….”

    Uh…How’d you like to have a bi-sexual lover, in the early 80’s, just back from San Francisco…?

    xoxo
    SLV



  193.  #193Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    I can’t help but think a lot of what’s going on is confusion on their part. And also am remembering that Rori says their anger can be a good things as long as you aren’t getting attacked.



  194.  #194Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    I feel really excited Daria! I think this is a good thing! Two guys asking you for exclusivity after just a few days on pof.

    I think it’s an indication that things are happening very quickly for you.



  195.  #195Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    @189: FlowerChild77 says:
    “…Education is power. I wonder if the availability of the internet is helping kids get the correct information—if their parents are lame about being open with them…”

    IMHO, they’re mostly getting it from porn… not getting that porn is entertainment. *Sigh*

    Did you see or maybe it was on audio tape about Betty talking about her mother’s p0rn pu$$y? Did you see last week’s video about the labia discoveries? I’ve heard that B Dodson story before but it highlights the “porn as education” epidemic.

    BTW, a male dating coach had vid on his blog where guy described women without shaved labia as unhygenic. He probably saw his first vulvas in porn flick… I think that’s the post what elicited the “pornization of sex” comment. I really must go back and read that! Many guys now think they are entitled to ejaculate in their girlfriends’s eyes and the women really prefer it that way… another *sigh*

    xoxo
    SLV



  196.  #196Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    Mmmm interesting. I know a guy who is repulsed by hair on a woman’s vagina. I never made the connection but I wonder if it has something to do with conditioning from watching porn.

    I feel super turned off by his attitude towards vaginas.

    I like a man who is so turned on my a woman that he doesn’t care if there is hair or not. I’m realizing I actually have judgments about men like that. I judge them as not being very manly if they are scared of a little hair.

    This is interesting to notice.



  197.  #197Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    @194: Laughing Goddess says:
    “…This is interesting to notice….”

    Yes, then we see these kinds of ads…

    ***********************************************
    My GF does not let me cum on her face – 25
    ——————————————
    Hey girls, as the title says my GF does not let me cum on her face. And I really want to cum on a girl’s face. I am looking for a fun and naughty girl that will give me that opportunity. My GF is white, skinny, and has long hair. Looking for a girl very similar to that. Any girls like that out here?

    ***************************************************

    xoxo
    SLV



  198.  #198Daria on June 4, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    It hasn’t felt easy for me to find a lover . I want to feel safe emotionally too.



  199.  #199Daria on June 4, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    Slv – I’m guessing you are judging that guy?

    It sounds like bs to me..,

    But I also recognize myself… As in… I want a man who will go down on me… Enough that I’ll make it my status online



  200.  #200Daria on June 4, 2011 at 8:21 pm

    I have a fantasy of a guy cummings on my face ! Heehee!



  201.  #201Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    Haha, maybe you could hook up with that guy.



  202.  #202Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    I’m feeling turned on



  203.  #203Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 8:31 pm

    @196: Daria says:
    “…It hasn’t felt easy for me to find a lover. I want to feel safe emotionally too…”

    If you have specific things that would help you feel safe emotionally, you might find what you are looking for. However, I think most guys seeking casual sex might put emotions second, especially if the emotions belong to someone else…. Just my best guess.

    And I think sometimes guys don’t know what they want so I’m not automatically appalled when a man says he wants FWB. Some guys want sex right away but they don’t want to be in any kind of committed relationship. But they might be perfectly kind and fun. Depends I guess. If you could deal with that.

    Or if you could have sex with a guy you didn’t know and then never see him again and if that wouldn’t bother you, that’s a possibility. If a woman is CDing, there wouldn’t be much of an investment. But the emotional safety would come from the woman anyway, not the man, unless she’s looking for love, cherish, adoration from him as a requirement.

    Maybe he’s just looking for ” sex play.” I think there are a lot of guys who would give you sex under those circumstances. I think you could have your pick!!!

    And as a famous male dating coach often says “men look for sex and find love, women look for love and find sex.”

    xoxo
    SLV



  204.  #204FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    #190/SLV Ha Ha…not so funny, though. That’s the thing–my first husband was very into porn and I do believe he had bi-sexual experiences. (It’s not the bi-sexual thing that bothered me—it was the cheating.) I probably will never know the depth of his cheating. Glad I got tested. Whew!

    I do think Betty’s books are wonderful tools for learning. “Viva La Vulva” (photos of women’s vaginas/vulva) is beautiful and really important for women to know we are all different and that we’re all normal looking.

    I left home when I was 14 (with my soon to be first husband who was 21) and spent the rest of my teen years looking at porn. Not because I was getting off on it—but because I was worried that I wasn’t normal–that I didn’t look normal. And, yes, this was the “bush era.” 😉

    I do believe that because of porn (and models) that men don’t have a real expectation of what a woman looks like. It’s sad.



  205.  #205Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    Although I must say, I went to the dodson and Ross website and I felt very uncomfortable.

    I felt overwhelmed by all the sex talk. I like a little but that was just too much for me personally.

    I guess I feel better with a little mysetery and intrigue around it. I feel sort of icky talking about it to the extent they do there.

    I totally get that it’s helpful and educational for some yet I feel uncomfortable with it.

    I’m judging myself as being prudish which doesn’t feel good or true.

    I just like to do it more than talk about it.



  206.  #206Elizabeth on June 4, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    From DE on previous thread:

    “Right now, I feel very unsafe in your company and Elizabeth’s company for that matter.”

    I feel squeezed.

    i feel like a lightening rod for DE’s frustrations with herself.

    I feel burdened by demands to make someone feel safe.

    I want positive requests rather than negative criticism.

    My need to feel autonomy, free to be me, and to be accepted, just as I am, are not being met here.



  207.  #207Mel on June 4, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    For the past two days I’ve noticed my husband start to come towards me… like he’s about to give me a hug or something… but then hesitates. It feels strange and awkward.

    This morning he sort of put his arm around me. I was as open to receiving it as I could be. I put my hand gently on his. I’m feeling kind of tentative though. I don’t want to feel confused about his feelings for me. It’s easier to just think he loves me, or he does not love me. It’s far more difficult to not know what the hell he’s thinking.

    I went out to lunch with a friend (who I just discovered lives in the same city as me) today and we spent 4 hours just talking and having a nice time. We are planning to do a few fun things together in the next few weeks. It felt good to get my mind off of things and not talk about him at all.

    Tomorrow I am requiring the use of the car once more and am going to take my doggies for a nice hike in the woods.

    I haven’t applied to any jobs yet, but I’ve been looking to see what’s available.

    Thanks everyone for your kind words of support. I feel strangely calm. Sad? yes. Hurt? Yes. But Anxious? Nope.



  208.  #208Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 8:38 pm

    I would like to see the viva la vulva book.

    I felt overstimulated on the site…no pun intended.



  209.  #209FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    Jeannette…I just thought about you. You posted in the last thread that Steve was up on the liver transplant list and that he would be staying with you and then you two were going to make wedding plans.

    I’m not sure if anyone responded back there–if they did I missed it. How do you feel about all this? (If this has been discussed already just skip it.)



  210.  #210Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    204 I feel anxious and uncomfortable reading blame.



  211.  #211kaitlyn on June 4, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Do men ever sense we’re encouraging them to step up, by us being warm, appreciative and open? And do they ever feel manipulated by it to where they’re turned off?

    I’ve been wondering this.



  212.  #212Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    @197: Daria says:

    “…Slv – I’m guessing you are judging that guy?
    It sounds like bs to me..,”

    He wants two women who look alike. That doesn’t sound attractive to me. But… maybe some women would be attracted by it. Would you like that? I supposed it could be considered a game.

    I suspect his girlfriend wouldn’t be in the know and I personally do not like deception in sexual relationships for health if no other reasons. I would not like to believe my sexual relationship was exclusive when all the while my lover had an additional and different partner every week.

    That would result at the end of the year in my unknowingly having casual sexual contact with several hundred people! I would not like that at all. ❗

    xoxo
    SLV



  213.  #213Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    I feel icky reading about that sex site. I feel uncomfortable. Why? I don’t want to focus on other people’s sex lives. I think that’s it.



  214.  #214Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    @202: FlowerChild77 says:

    “..190/SLV Ha Ha…not so funny, though. ..”

    Dahling, this is so NOT a joke. I did not like being in that position. 😉

    xoxo
    SLV



  215.  #215Mel on June 4, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    209

    Kaitlyn,

    I wonder this too.

    Because it feels like just when things are going well, and I would start to feel a tiny bit of connection with him again, he would rubberband. Like it felt too “good” and because he doesn’t know if he even loves me, it’s better to just feel bad.



  216.  #216alias girl on June 4, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    brenda, see if you might seek out some sort of social services. there are often services to help those in need.

    food, health, housing, mental health etc.

    …many churches…

    utilize and receive any help avail.

    my thoughts and good wishes are with you.

    what city are you in?



  217.  #217Daria on June 4, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    To me it sounds like he’s making up the whole part about having a girlfriend who looks like that just to make it seem more comfortable



  218.  #218Daria on June 4, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    Love alias girl fan club!!



  219.  #219Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    @202: FlowerChild77 says:
    “…I do believe that because of porn (and models) that men don’t have a real expectation of what a woman looks like. It’s sad….”

    Well, women don’t either! Or worse, how a woman responds. Or what she looks for in a “relationship!!!!” Any kind of male-female relationship.

    xoxo
    SLV



  220.  #220FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    LG, I think you can probably buy her books on Amazon without going to her site. (Yeah, there’s a lot there, it could be ‘overload’ if you’re not used to it.) I just skip over what doesn’t interest me.

    I think she kind of had to break through nearly all taboos (except things like rape and incest) in order to encourage all types of expression and to be able to share her vast experience. The whole idea was to bring womens’ sexuality out of the woodwork and eradicate fear and shame.



  221.  #221Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    I feel curious about it sounding to you like he’s making up that part Daria… Why doesn’t it seem genuine to you?



  222.  #222Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    Re 204

    I think only if they sense inauthenticity or an agenda or an inconsistency in the woman’s vibe.

    If they are really into the woman and don’t sense these things, I think it feels good to them and they like it.



  223.  #223Daria on June 4, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    Well I just want to throw my pity party on how I haven’t been able to find a lover. It has not been easy in the least, I want one who wants to date me and please me.

    I do have a contender and he will ne free to come see me next week, we’ll see.

    He likes shaved vulvas and I like mine w hair, I kinda got to feeling comfortable after guywho told me he liked it natural.



  224.  #224Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    @215: Daria says:
    “…To me it sounds like he’s making up the whole part about having a girlfriend who looks like that just to make it seem more comfortable…”

    That would make me LESS comfortable but that’s because I find men having sex with other women to be less attractive. I’m not looking to share. Does that turn you on. Some men like to show pics of themselves in sex acts as a lure to other women. I never found it attractive.

    As far as the cumming. There are plenty of guys who will offer bukkake … until the cows come home… 😳

    xoxo
    SLV



  225.  #225kaitlyn on June 4, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    i wonder if i come off as inauthentic or inconsistent.



  226.  #226Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 8:59 pm

    Re 218

    I just watched my first video of theirs and I really enjoyed it. I did feel information overload on the site. I’m going to go look at the galleries now! I feel very curious to see a variety of vulvas. I must admit, I haven’t really seen that many and I’ve felt insecure about mine at times. ***blushing***



  227.  #227FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    I don’t think of it so much as focusing on other people’s sex lives, as I see it a way to learn how to get more pleasure out of my own body—so I can share that with a partner. We can’t show man what we don’t know. And we’re, ultimately, all responsible for our own orgasms.



  228.  #228Daria on June 4, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    Lucy – hmmm because he says my gf is white skinny and has long hair, which sounds more like requirements he may have for the partner he wants

    And saying his gf looks like that is an excuse



  229.  #229Mel on June 4, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    “…I do believe that because of porn (and models) that men don’t have a real expectation of what a woman looks like. It’s sad….”

    I was doing some reading on the subject and found an article about how some men that watch a lot of porn can suffer from something similar to ADHD, but related to sex. Basically they become so over-sensitized to porn, that real live sex is not stimulating enough and it doesn’t hold their attention.

    “guys with SADD have become so accustomed to the high levels of visual novelty and stimulation that comes from internet porn that they’re unable to focus on real sex with a real woman.”

    Here’s the link:
    http://ca.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_500/566_too-much-internet-porn-the-sadd-effect.html



  230.  #230Daria on June 4, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    Slv – I am definitely judging the guy too.

    It’s just that… I’ve been feeling netter not judging people on sex. Super tiny babysteps



  231.  #231Elizabeth on June 4, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    220: Laughing Goddess says:

    “Re 204

    I think only if they sense inauthenticity or an agenda or an inconsistency in the woman’s vibe.

    If they are really into the woman and don’t sense these things, I think it feels good to them and they like it.”

    I feel triggered by this because it seems like it is making the woman totally responsible for how the man feels, instead of taking into account other factors.

    Also, because when I read things like this, my nv’s that my last relationship self=destructed ALL because it was me who just couldn’t bring out his good feelings start kicking in.



  232.  #232Daria on June 4, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    I’d feel more comfortable with a ‘nirmal’ guy w a gf

    Than with a guy who’s so twisted and perverted no woman feels safe around him…

    The gf thing makes it seem like he’s not dangerous or completely wacko



  233.  #233kaitlyn on June 4, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    I like twisted and perverted. But with the emotional and intellectual closeness first.



  234.  #234FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    LG…See? 😉 It’s a wonderful resource. I’m feeling happy for you!



  235.  #235Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 9:08 pm

    @224: Laughing Goddess says:
    “…Re 218
    I just watched my first video of theirs and I really enjoyed it. I did feel information overload on the site….”

    Tidbits at a time are enough for me. The weekly vids are short about four or five minutes. And the Q&A are interesting too. The discussion adds to general knowledge. I’m not into polyamory so that doesn’t interest me.

    I enjoyed the audio tapes, I listened to a bunch of them over time. I especially like the history of it all, and Betty’s life, very likable.

    xoxo
    SLV



  236.  #236Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 9:09 pm

    Wow! Mind blown by all the different styles of vulvas. I feel mesmerized and intrigued. And I felt smiley by how they are all so unique and beautiful.



  237.  #237Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 9:14 pm

    Elizabeth: I feel sad that my words triggered you to feel bad. That wasn’t my intention. As we know though triggers can be good. I do believe in taking full responsibility for what happens in our life but I don’t believe in blaming ourselves. Subtle difference but very important IMHO.



  238.  #238FlowerChild77 on June 4, 2011 at 9:14 pm

    #234/LG This is what I’m talking about! 🙂



  239.  #239Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    Which do you think would generally attract more women?

    1) I’m attracted to and what to have sex with a skinny White woman with long dark hair.

    2) I have a girl friend who is a skinny White woman with long dark hair and I want to have sex with an additional women who resembles her.

    I’d run from number two.

    xoxo
    SLV



  240.  #240Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    SLV and Flowerchild:

    yes! I am seeing the beauty of it. Thanks for talking me through it 🙂



  241.  #241Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    Ya, I feel more turned off by #2 but I do get the sense that he is making it up because he thinks it will attract women.



  242.  #242Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    @234: Laughing Goddess says:
    “Wow! Mind blown by all the different styles of vulvas. I feel mesmerized and intrigued. And I felt smiley by how they are all so unique and beautiful…”

    Wow is right. I’ve never seen them on the site. I think the gallery was down for a while. I’ve been reading and listening and watching the vids. LG, is it up on the site or offsite?

    xoxo
    SLV



  243.  #243Daria on June 4, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    I just canceled a date because… I just got my haircut and I feel pooped!

    Who it does say it’s like 12 acupuncture sessions… Me feel like resting



  244.  #244Elizabeth on June 4, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    LG, I really don’t mind having nv’s triggered. It kind of helps to clean out the residual cobwebs, shows me where I still get hooked. I am actually very happy and delighted to have a much better grasp of what I do want, and as a result of that last relationship. I have a dinner date tomorrow with a man who seems absolutely incredible — he even brought up the book, “The Five Languages of Love” and knows all about
    NVC and NLP! Teaches young adults about healthy relationships. Can you believe it!!!!??



  245.  #245Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 9:24 pm

    There are two galleries of vulvas available on the site. There is a one time fee of $20 to see the rest.

    I think it’s on the top bar under galleries.

    Report back please 🙂



  246.  #246Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    @239: Laughing Goddess says:
    “…Ya, I feel more turned off by #2 but I do get the sense that he is making it up because he thinks it will attract women….”

    Maybe. It’s amazing what men sometimes think will turn on women… But on the other hand perhaps it does turn on the ones they want; the ones looking for casual sex.

    I’ll look for that possibilty, thanks. What I’ve been seeing is men who will not attract women doing this but continue doing it thinking there is something “wrong” with the present batch of women. Because….

    Because that is the kind of thing that attracts them and turns them on to casual sex…. Aha! 😆

    I’m doing a lot of relationship research this year…

    xoxo
    SLV



  247.  #247Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    @243: Laughing Goddess

    Which did you see? Did you pay $20?

    xoxo
    SLV



  248.  #248Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    Oh my gosh Elizabeth! I feel sooooooo attracted to guys like that!

    I feel so excited for you!



  249.  #249Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    SLV: I just looked at the freebies. There’s about 16 or so. I felt satisfied.



  250.  #250Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    @227: Mel says:
    “…that real live sex is not stimulating enough and it doesn’t hold their attention….”

    That’s what causes them to “up the ante” in the bdsm arena. It can become very intense and dangerous.

    xoxo
    SLV



  251.  #251Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    @247: Laughing Goddess says:
    “…SLV: I just looked at the freebies. There’s about 16 or so. I felt satisfied….”

    LOL I think that will be enough for me too.

    xoxo
    SLV



  252.  #252Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    Interesting to notice that I actually preferred looking at the shaved vulvas. I appreciated how much detail could be seen without the hair getting in the way.

    I feel more understanding of how some men prefer this although I still feel resistant to being with a man who is repulsed by hair. There is no way I could agree to keeping it perfectly shaved all the time.



  253.  #253Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    Slv: LOL



  254.  #254Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    Flowerchild, to me it just seems better to study and explore my own body rather than other people’s… I like it that way for myself. It works for me. Kinda like if you’re trying to get the most out of your motorola karma phone it’s best to play around with your phone instead of investigating iphones and droids. To each her own, but for me, I prefer knowing myself uniquely and I have had great success with this method since I was 12. 🙂



  255.  #255Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    SLV re 244

    are you saying that the guys thinking there is something wrong with women is exactly what attracts certain women to them, women who are looking to hire a guy to reinforce their belief that there is something wrong with them?



  256.  #256Daria on June 4, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    Nvs or beliefs to tap on:

    ‘you can’t trust life’

    Just when you think things are going good, something else catastrophic comes up

    The worst is probably happening



  257.  #257Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 9:44 pm

    234 LG. I guess that’s why my ex-h said his goal was to see as many naked women as possible… all that beauty and variety… who can blame men for that?



  258.  #258Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 9:45 pm

    @ 228: Daria says:
    “…Slv – I am definitely judging the guy too.
    It’s just that… I’ve been feeling netter not judging people on sex. Super tiny babysteps.

    Consenting adults can do what they want. It’s OK to see what someone else is doing and “click” know that I want something else. It’s a learning tool. A way to see how others think; also without having to go through it with them.

    No, I do not want to be a sideline girl, no I do not want to help you deceive your girlfriend, no I do not want to look like your girlfriend, no I don’t want your spunk on my face. Thank you very much.

    And earlier today, no, I do not want to drink your pee. No, I do not want a horse tail butt plug. Thank you very much.

    xoxo
    SLV



  259.  #259Laughing Goddess on June 4, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    Ok ladies, I have an idea!

    What if we all take pictures of our vulvas and post them as our gravatars?!?!?



  260.  #260Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    Daria, you say you want a lover who wants to please you and date you. That’s what I would call a boyfriend. What do you think? Is it possible you want multiple boyfriends, or one boyfriend with an open relationship, rather than just a “lover”?



  261.  #261Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    257 Lol! I already have my pic. 😉



  262.  #262Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    @257: Laughing Goddess says:
    ” …What if we all take pictures of our vulvas and post them as our gravatars?!?!?…”

    Well, okey dokey…

    xoxo
    SLV



  263.  #263Daria on June 4, 2011 at 9:54 pm

    Yay. Thank you Daria for doing EFT for me.

    🙂



  264.  #264Daria on June 4, 2011 at 9:56 pm

    Lucy – okay… Feeling a lil confused and defensive

    Well I wouldn’t call them boyfriends.

    Although I sometimes offhandly call men I’m dating… One of my boyfriends… Etc

    The term boyfriend really hasn’t got much meaning for me



  265.  #265Daria on June 4, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    Aww come on, a horsetail buttplug might feel fun!

    That Would be cute if I was into butt plugs



  266.  #266Daria on June 4, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    I already have the sexiest picture of my vulva in the world. With hair. I feel teary just thinking about it.

    So blessed.



  267.  #267Elizabeth on June 4, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    Thanks, LG!! I feel excited too, in a calm, synergistic kind of way, and that’s good! No high hopes, no expectations, just going to enjoy myself, not get too intellectual, cause I’m not looking for a buddy….he’s definitely romantic, a one-woman guy, funny, mature….you see, I must be doing something right, and you all thought I only attract losers…haha!

    xoxo



  268.  #268Elizabeth on June 4, 2011 at 10:05 pm

    buttplug ? they sell such things ?

    and LG, you want me to put a picture of my what,
    where ?

    😉

    xoxo



  269.  #269Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 10:07 pm

    Laughing Goddess says:
    @SLV re 244
    “…are you saying that the guys thinking there is something wrong with women is exactly what attracts certain women to them, women who are looking to hire a guy to reinforce their belief that there is something wrong with them?…”

    Hmmm, trying to figure that one out. I was thinking on the lines of:

    Man is aroused to have to sex with a woman after he sees picture of her having sex with a man. (males are bio-wired for that) He considers that a good thing.

    Man is later in mood for casual sex. He goes on date with woman and shows her pic of himself engaging in cunnilingus and tells date he can do same for her.

    She says eww! I don’t want to see you with other women. I don’t want to have sex with you. on a first date and I’m looking for LTR. I’m going home now.

    He says “I just bought you dinner, you’re a bitch!”

    Then he does the same routine on next four women who accept dates from online profile. They all decline his licking.

    He says what’s wrong with all the women in this city?? They’re all crazy, I’m a great guy with a sense of humour, all my hair, my own house and two cars. They are all bitches and crazy.

    Then he meets a fifth women who is married but looking for casual sex. She loves his photos and accepts.

    The End.

    xoxo
    SLV



  270.  #270Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 10:15 pm

    Mel, thanks for that excellent SADD article. Notice p. 2 is basically teaching how to undo the effects of porn… so, obviously best to avoid it in the first place. In my research yrs ago I concluded that porn is actually the no.1 cause of divorce. So many wives are not getting their sexual and intimacy needs met bc of this SADD phenomenon. Sad it truly is. Bc of this, porn use is a dealbreaker for me. Unless I choose an open relationship so that my sexual needs will be met as well.That works for some women



  271.  #271Elizabeth on June 4, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    I had a date tonight with a guy who said, “oh you’re an mt, you must be good at sex.” That wouldve been a good time to say a feeling message like, “I feel uncomfortable hearing what sounds like an inappropriate-for-a-first-meeting remark” but I think my body language adequately conveyed that, but not in a nervous or embarrassed way. I got the distinct impression he was making comments to test me. I was OK with that, I think I fielded them well, I had fun with it. Not my type though. Another one that seems a bit slanted more towards what’s in it for him. Just something I discerned from things he was asking me for, without offering me anything.

    xoxo



  272.  #272Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 10:19 pm

    @263: Daria says:

    …Aww come on, a horsetail buttplug might feel fun! ..”

    They’re cute if you like that sort of thing. Daria, I think you would have no problem at all, none! getting some sex dates even guys that take you out for drinks and dinner in some nice places first. The only thing is you might have to change partners every three or four months but a lot of people do that anyway.

    Are you really trying? Not to accuse or anything. But I saw a couple of your pics now and you’re cute. Lots of guys would go to bed dreaming about you. Are you saying NONE of your dates offers sex??? What’s up with these guys???

    I am guessing it’s the group of guys you are accepting dates from. If you just want sex, a bunch of professional guys around 30-35 should do the trick! Older guys for sure, the ones that do not want to get married and have babies so you have to skip up 10 or 15 years for the next group. 45-50.

    My best guess…

    xoxo
    SLV



  273.  #273Emerson on June 4, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    269 Elizabeth said

    “Another one that seems a bit slanted more towards what’s in it for him. Just something I discerned from things he was asking me for, without offering me anything.”

    Wow, I like that statement becaues it’s insightful and well said. It’s that type of discernment that I want more of. I like that you defined it and not in a negative way at all.



  274.  #274Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    Elizabeth, your guy sounds just like mine! Wow.



  275.  #275Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    @269: Elizabeth says:
    “..I had a date tonight with a guy who said, “oh you’re an mt..”

    What is an “mt”

    xoxo
    SLV



  276.  #276Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 10:27 pm

    Daria, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring about defensiveness and confusion. You mentioned you were having difficulty findng the kind of lovers you want – and when u described what u want, it sounded like what most ppl mean by “boyfriend/s” – so I thought maybe calling it that would help clarify to guys and the universe what it is u want – and then u’d have it. 🙂 That’s all – I just want u to have what u want. <3



  277.  #277Elizabeth on June 4, 2011 at 10:31 pm

    SLV
    mt = massage therapist

    i’m not telling them right away any more.



  278.  #278Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    My take is the “boyfriend” as a type or as in a relationship involves some level of emotional availability and attachment. There are guys who will offer sex but who are also not available emotionally and their connection would only be sexual.

    And I believe there are also guys who start out with only a sexual connection and become later become attached emotionally which might be the opposite way that many women prefer the unfolding and development of a relationship. Either way, there are no guarantees.

    xoxo
    SLV



  279.  #279Elizabeth on June 4, 2011 at 10:37 pm

    272: Lucy says:

    Elizabeth, your guy sounds just like mine! Wow.

    Really Lucy, cool! We can compare notes. Our first conversation was one of those where I lost track of time. He’s looking for his life partner. He’s really on board with coming to my part of town, paying for dates, leading, being in charge, communicating deeply….ahhhh

    xoxo



  280.  #280Emerson on June 4, 2011 at 10:38 pm

    I think I need to go back and re-read the non-urgency article. I feel haunted by a nagging sense of urgency over the past week or two!! I can’t shake it. I feel like I need to meet a man NOW and have a baby NOW.

    Strange, because I didn’t feel that way when I was younger. I wanted those things, but I was patient and thought they’d naturally happen.

    Maybe too patient…..lingering on with relationships that were not working out and not breaking it off.

    I feel young but I wonder how I got so old. I am replaying thoughts of my past and why / how / when I should have done things differently. Being hard on myself and very critical of me. I am supposed to love that side of me too, I know. Be nice to me, myself!!!!



  281.  #281Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 10:42 pm

    @275: Elizabeth

    I see. But do you think there might be some value in gauging their responses when you mention your profession?

    xoxo
    SLV



  282.  #282Rosa on June 4, 2011 at 10:42 pm

    I am feeling very heavy hearted for Brenda. She has brought such depth and honesty to the blog.
    I feel sad to think of her circumstances right now.



  283.  #283Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    @278: Emerson says:
    “…I feel young but I wonder how I got so old….”

    I wonder that too sometimes, such as when I was watching Woodstock videos last week…

    xoxo
    SLV



  284.  #284DE on June 4, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    I feel warned out tonite…tired like a rug…emotionally drained that is…

    The date…well, i literally told him i want to go home…:( before, he asked me what i was thinking because of the silence…i told him the truth…i felt like crying…i felt rushed…i felt sad because it seemed like he changed his plans for the evening kind of sudden…:(

    from the start, i felt disappointed…i stayed in my car for a few minutes to take deep breaths…he came to our ‘Sat nite date in referee cloths…and a basketball hat on…” i felt soo turned off…then, well, the place we met was a long wait…so, he asked if i want to go somewhere else…i felt tired…so, i suggested a walk by the river…we talked, it felt nice, i felt heard…

    on our walk back, i expressed that i felt turned off about him coming to our date in gym cloths…and i wished i knew it was a casual date…he seemed like he took it okay…we went into the restaurant, bar area and i got some wine…he said he wonders if i like to kiss as much as him…i felt blushy and i said so…but, then i noticed him changing…he excused himself to go to the bathroom…when he returned he said, he remember that he had to pick up one of his sons from the iceskating ring around 10…when before, he had all the time in the world…

    i feel proud of myself for being truthful for how i felt ab the whole thing…yep…:(

    I feel very surprised to hear from him again…:( what was the message for me?

    I feel cared for by a man who takes the time to make me feel special, plans our dates, is not cheap with money…and words are no longer enough, but rather actions…
    i feel attracted to men who dress nice in public…and if it’s dress down code…i like to know about it so i don’t overdress…and look like an idiot…

    argh…tonite, i am mumbling a lot…a good rest should make me see things in perspective tomorrow…

    overall, i feel proud for not abandoning myself …



  285.  #285Daria on June 4, 2011 at 10:48 pm

    Aww thanks Lucy, hugs!



  286.  #286Rosa on June 4, 2011 at 10:48 pm

    I have enjoyed reading the sexy blog today ! I am going to doc -mans house tonight, as he is making me a barbecue dinner. It feels good that he wants to do that for his Birthday (in 3 days time).

    I bought him a military history book (an interest we share) as A gift , feels about right to me given we have been on about 9 dates.

    I am hoping he may get a bit more sexy , I could do with some physical attention, just some hot kissing would be nice 🙂



  287.  #287Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 10:50 pm

    @LG
    I’ll revisit this again when I’m fully awake and also rested. It’s really very important and all pervasive in ways men act in their courtship rituals.

    xoxo
    SLV



  288.  #288Daria on June 4, 2011 at 10:50 pm

    Slv – I also want to feel attracted to the guy… So that’s bern the slow part of the deal

    Then I was getting guys who didn’t want to go down on women

    Now it seems I’m attracting ones who do so maybe soon I’ll be sexploring!



  289.  #289Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 10:51 pm

    Rosa, I feel bad for Brenda too. I offered to have her come to my house but I can’t have the dogs here and I guess she can’t find a place for them. 🙁



  290.  #290Elizabeth on June 4, 2011 at 10:53 pm

    279: Senior Lady Vibe says:

    @275: Elizabeth

    I see. But do you think there might be some value in gauging their responses when you mention your profession?

    xoxo
    SLV

    Yes, I do think there is value in that, now that you mention it. In fact, I was just thinking how difficult it would be to keep it a secret anyway.

    To contrast the guy from tonight’s response with the one who I am meeting tomorrow, who was saying that he bets guys ask me for massages all the time, and that he would want to be the one to give me more than i would give him. words are words, i’ll be looking for the follow up actions, where the rubber meets the road…..

    xoxo



  291.  #291Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 10:54 pm

    283 Daria 😀 Thanks for the hug! (((Daria)))



  292.  #292Daria on June 4, 2011 at 10:54 pm

    Wow DE – Great job looking out for yourself! Sorry you feel so sad right now… The pond will soon clear magnificently



  293.  #293Elizabeth on June 4, 2011 at 10:55 pm

    287 Lucy,

    Wow, that was really nice of you Lucy

    Brenda is such a special person.

    I really feel for her.

    (((((((((((((((((Brenda))))))))))))))))



  294.  #294Senior Lady Vibe on June 4, 2011 at 10:56 pm

    @286: Daria says:
    “…Now it seems I’m attracting ones who do so maybe soon I’ll be sexploring!..”

    As long as you are happy, my dear. It’s so nice to have a little chemistry and then things work out the way you want them to.

    Good night… talk later….

    xoxo
    SLV



  295.  #295Daria on June 4, 2011 at 10:57 pm

    Wow that means mine is going to clear magnificently too!



  296.  #296Rosa on June 4, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    I sent something to Brenda a while back (internationally) as I really wanted to help her but was not close enough. I wonder if any other sirens are in a position to do that too or any other practical help?
    That was a generous offer Lucy to have her stay.



  297.  #297Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 11:02 pm

    Elizabeth, yes, this guy is amazing. Smart, articulate, poetic, romantic, gallant, leading, protective, adoring, strong, wise, loving, gentlemanly, creative, fun, funny, attentive, spiritually connected (and has studied most of the same thing I have plus more), mature, stable, hardworker, well-loved by others….. *sigh* Hard not to get my hopes up! Regardless of what happens, he fills my heart right Now, and I am grateful.



  298.  #298Rosa on June 4, 2011 at 11:06 pm

    Wow Lucy that sounds amazing!
    I want to have a filled up heart too 🙂



  299.  #299Rosa on June 4, 2011 at 11:08 pm

    Big doggy and me are going walking now. I am very grateful too for being all recovered and able to do walks daily (only 40 mins so far but building up )



  300.  #300Daria on June 4, 2011 at 11:09 pm

    OMG I’m realizing that I feel like I want to run after these men, and prove to them 1. Husbandman. That I’m respectable and loyal

    2. Niceman. That I am a good person

    Omgosh! Instead of requiring great treatment of my feelings to even get some time w me!

    Wow!

    I think that I somehow have to compromise because I am circular dating and because I believe ‘that it is hard for guys to deal with that’

    Wahoo!

    When really what’s happening is they’re disqualifying themselves!



  301.  #301Lucy on June 4, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    You will Rosa. Just keep your heart open, and a man will come and fill it up with you. <3



  302.  #302Emerson on June 4, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    281 SLV
    LOL about Woostock…that’s great. 🙂

    Re: Brenda, I wish I could help her. I am impressed by all the sirens and how you have been supportive. I feel concerned for her.



  303.  #303AmazingMe on June 5, 2011 at 12:54 am

    Ok just want to vent to you sirens….This is what I would say to (****)….
    Dear (****,)
    You know it hurts me when you keep coming into my life and disappearing. The moment I wake up I think of you and what we shared, when I fall asleep at night I remember, Your body against me, moving the hair out of my face.This relationship or I should say friendship, call it what you will.I miss it, I miss you, I love you and I am scared not only fron being vulnerable to you but being hurt by you. I always say I don’t let men close to me or my children, so it would seem too traumatic for them and i WOULDN’T BE LET DOWN. I wore my heart on my sleave and was hurt but the broken road led me to you. I have a hard time believing this is who you are or I know you too well now and one day we will either connect or let go. I am taking care of my children and if somewhere in there i meet someone or even if it is you, it will be right. I don’t want my heart strings played unless you know how to play my pretty song. I will forever love you, be blessed by what I have learned through you and most of all I want to see the man I fell in love with 2 years ago…. sORRY TO BABBLE SIRENS!!



  304.  #304Lercomari on June 5, 2011 at 1:01 am

    Sirens if you could help?

    My sister is a relationship purgatory of sorts. She is dating but she’s constantly attracting the wrong kind of man…the ones who only want to sleep with her and are only half-serious (which actually means not serious at all). She’s a good person, always nice and chipper and such. Her earliest boyfriends were really sleazy, and I think that has something to do with it. Not that she’s a bad person but when you’re young you can easily get caught up with the wrong people if you don’t know any better. Is there any advice I can give her? I already sent her a link to the HtRYW website. Thanks ladies.



  305.  #305Lercomari on June 5, 2011 at 1:09 am

    Rori this is very good info. I’m taking it to heart and passing it on too.



  306.  #306Emerson on June 5, 2011 at 1:18 am

    301 Amazing Me

    I feel that your letter is very heartfelt and honest. You are pouring your heart out, no need for apologies.

    302 Lercomari

    I feel frustrated reading your post because I feel your frustration and probably your sister’s too. I could tell you to say to her to be more “picky”…but I know it’s not helpful advice. Maybe just lead by example and when she asks for help, give her ideas how to use Rori’s tools.

    Grr I am really struggling this week with feeling centered and grounded. I feel completely off balance. Idont’ think I should give any advice. 🙂 but thanks for listening ladies.
    I feel thankful for you all.



  307.  #307Emerson on June 5, 2011 at 1:24 am

    I feel that there are no potential mates in sight for me.

    I feel scared and sad.

    I feel worried that I will be the “one who ended up alone”…and my nieces will have to take care of me when I’m old because I don’t have anyone else.

    I feel dumb for having a pity party.

    I feel annoyed that I am about to turn 40.

    It seems society dismisses you to the next room at this age.
    I even looked into adopting, and a lot of places/countries make it much harder to adopt a child under age 3 if you are over 40. I’m healthy I don’t think I’m going to keel over any time soon…I can still raise a baby.

    I still have value. But I feel that I’m convincing myself of this. This is my problem, I’m struggling with self acceptance because of my age. yuck yuck yuck….I don’t want to be 40

    Please some encouragement ladies…



  308.  #308Emerson on June 5, 2011 at 1:25 am

    I know I’m supposed to own it and love it…but I don’t. I really dont



  309.  #309Daria on June 5, 2011 at 1:28 am

    Wow men are really talking about marriage w me now

    This guy is sayingall the right stiff, and I find myself feeling afraid and blank

    No 50 50 he wants to put the woman first…

    He really wants me to be his wife, wow

    We just talked, he’ll be out his house arrest program in a week… I hope! And then well see what he does.

    He is also the one who is offering me oral sex and just wants to please me.

    This feels kinda exciting, he’s not freaking out or backing up!



  310.  #310Daria on June 5, 2011 at 1:30 am

    Emerson – if it’s a part of you, even if you feel like you hate it, you can love it… Just saying I love you to it is enough



  311.  #311Daria on June 5, 2011 at 1:30 am

    Pretend it’s a child… That works for me



  312.  #312LobbyStar on June 5, 2011 at 1:33 am

    Well, I just want to say that I’ve been reading here for a couple days now, and I’m learning so much!

    One thing I learned is that I have somehow on my own, before even finding Rori and her tools, managed to whittle down my triggers. I have been journaling for about ten years, every day almost religiously since my marriage fell apart 4 years ago. I have worked through a lot.

    I do not have low self-esteem, but I am still insecure. Is this a contradiction?

    I think the biggest issue I’m going to have to slog through at this point is boy energy vs. girl energy. My boy energy is extremely dominant in me; I am recognizing that now. I have always been mover and a shaker. I always felt I wanted to make things happen, rather than wait for things to happen to me. I recognize my overfunctioning; I think the crap out of everything. That’s not to say I don’t feel deeply. I do, very much so. I suppose I need to learn to use my girl energy more with men and show my vulnerability more?

    Thanks for letting me ramble. I’m still trying to find my voice here. <3



  313.  #313Daria on June 5, 2011 at 1:40 am

    With this man, I notice I feel blank, and judgemental thoughts like: ‘he’s not intelligent enough’

    ‘my parents will not accept him cuz he sounds uneducated’

    ‘can he be faithful?’

    ‘he must be one of those lover man Romeos in love with love if he already thinks he wants to marry me’

    But when I talked to him about, the faithfulness, he sounds really solid. He’s never cheated or hit a woman. Wow.

    So I am practicing being open.

    When I’ve told him something bothers me, he’s adjusted for it.

    He wants to please me, he’s not pressuring me, he says he doesn’t want another woman, he gets how men are in masculine

    Message: Without me telling him!

    He’s the one telling me!

    Wow

    I feel excited to meet him

    It puts me face to face w my fears of getting married

    ‘what if he doesn’t ‘get’ me’

    This is cool, I’m getting lots of marriage minded men!



  314.  #314Daria on June 5, 2011 at 1:42 am

    Lobbystar – you sound great! And wise.

    Start by going ‘all girl’ here and writing feeling messages and riffing.

    You can also write a regular post, them go back and translate it all to feeling messages and don’t wants.



  315.  #315kaitlyn on June 5, 2011 at 2:09 am

    Tonight I was hanging out with my bff and his old college friends. One of the guys and I were just speaking casually. He stopped and said ‘youre really pretty and smart, but you know what makes you attractive?’ I shrugged. His answer: ‘Your vulnerability.’

    I felt really surprised. He used that exact word. I actually thanked him and told him, ‘vulnerability is a new thing for me; just this past year, and I like it.’



  316.  #316RiverGirl on June 5, 2011 at 2:12 am

    305

    ((((Emerson)))), don’t worry about turning 40, the forties are awesome, my best decade yet! I always say that I’m happy to get older coz it’s way better than the other option! (dying young)

    I know what it’s like to dream about being a mother and the feeling of dispair when you think that it’s never going to happen for you. I’m 44 now and also have some other complications which mean it’s unlikely that I will be able to have a child myself.

    We are so lucky to live in a time when there are so many ways to create a family. The definition of family is so much broader than it has ever been. Have you ever considered having a child by yourself? That option isn’t possible for me, but I have a friend who did it and she now has gorgeous twin girls!

    There are certainly times when I feel very sad about not being a mother yet, but I try not to focus on the lack, but instead focus on keeping my heart wide open and making room in my life for a child…and a MAN! Who knows, they might even come as a package deal!



  317.  #317kaitlyn on June 5, 2011 at 2:22 am

    MEANWHILE, back at the lab…via text

    1pm Adam: please come to ny.

    (keep in mind he is very broke. he cannot afford to fly me out. and though he’s coming here, what does this mean? does he mean visit him before he comes here because he wants to see me that soon? and where would i stay in ny? at his room mate’s? or get a motel? thank goodness i have virgin air miles.)

    2pm Me: Tell me more…
    When?

    (a play on his ‘tell me more’ from the other night, which i find so intriguing and sensual btw)

    2:05pm Adam: Whenever…

    3:30pm Me: I’m working right now and battery near dead. Will you pls call me tonight? xo

    NOTHING.

    NOT A SINGLE RESPONSE FROM HIM.

    Thank goodness I have a life and was at a dinner with friends, but still…how rude.

    I feel rejected. I feel stood up.

    SIRENS AND TINQUE, is this an example of ‘men’s time table is different than women’s’ ????

    Or is this just plain rude?

    Or is it my fault/ did I phrase it the wrong way?

    ?????



  318.  #318kaitlyn on June 5, 2011 at 2:25 am

    Reading my own #315 and wow…just wow. I cannot figure out the rubicon that is men.



  319.  #319RiverGirl on June 5, 2011 at 2:39 am

    @315

    Kaitlyn, do you think that maybe Adam hasn’t figured out how the new Kaitlyn works yet? Perhaps he hasn’t realised that he has to step up and be the man.

    If it were me, I would lean way back now. To me, he seems to be very sensitive to any leaning forward from you and retreats when you lean forward, even just a tiny bit. He has said he wants to see you so he needs to work out how to make that happen. Follow his lead on this one.

    Thats my take on it, others may see it differently. You have been awesome by the way and I’m sure Adam can sense the change in you even if he is not yet sure how to handle it.



  320.  #320kaitlyn on June 5, 2011 at 2:40 am

    re:315 i mean i was out to dinner with friends after work.



  321.  #321kaitlyn on June 5, 2011 at 2:42 am

    317 River Girl

    But I was leaning back in that text exchange. :confused now:



  322.  #322kaitlyn on June 5, 2011 at 2:51 am

    And i was leaning back for him to make things happen.

    he asked.
    i accepted
    he responded
    i was busy at work but gave him an opportunity to call me so he can lead with details.

    i’m trying to be as soft as possible.



  323.  #323RiverGirl on June 5, 2011 at 2:59 am

    319

    He is making it hard for you not to lean forward by being very lean backy himself.

    He asks you to come visit him but wants you to make it happen. When you asked him “when?” it was a bit lean forward and sounds like you have already agreed to go to see him. A different response could have been along the lines of “It would feel good to see you”.

    He is very lean back when his answer is just “whenever”. He keeps putting the ball back in your court, you might need to out lean him.

    It sounded a bit lean forwardy to ask him to call you and when he didn’t it leaves you feeling yucky.

    I feel a bit yucky writing all that about your conversation. Don’t want to be advising you too much. You are in the best place to know how he thinks, trust yourself, you are good at this and he is coming back to you.



  324.  #324Ella on June 5, 2011 at 3:35 am

    Flowerchild re 105

    I am just reading, catching up on the blog and you have probably already had some good replies to your question and here is my take on it.

    I used to feel like that too when there was a guy I really liked. That by kissing and dating other men I was somehow being unfaithful, or ruining my chances to be with that guy, or slamming the door. Even when I was not actually in any kind of relationship with the guy.

    Well what I have come to realise, through CDing, is that it is not true! IT IS NOT TRUE!

    In fact, the total opposite is true! By dating other guys it actually draws men in closer. Men know that unless they have given you the commitment you want, and locked you down with a ring or some other kind of major commitment, that they have no hold over you, and no right to expect you not to date other men.

    And actually by you dating other men it really does something powerful.

    So many times I have been afraid, for example with Mr Pubguy, that when he finds out I have been on a date with X he will be angry and won’t want to see me anymore.

    Well often times they are annoyed/angry for a bit. Of course they don’t like it. They would prefer to have you all to themselves, without having to do any of the work… but this doesn’t build attraction. And it doesn’t bring true fulfilment in a relationship… just look at all the men who are bored sick with their g,friends who overfunction, just as I used to.

    Oh & the men may also grumble 😉 Pubguy even ‘stopped talking to me’ for a week cus he felt jealous of someone, but I didn’t really notice so it was not a very effective strategy on his part… He told me about it later, lol.

    So they may be annoyed that you are dating/kissing other, and yet they are magnetically drawn in. They can’t help it.

    And it makes you ‘expensive’. You are desired by others! You are a high value woman.

    And it brings out their competitive side… it actually motivates them (unles they are really passive/fem energy guy and do we want a man like that?). Men love to work to get you, fight off the competition and ‘win’ you.

    And the best bit of all, is what it does to your vibe. Woohoo that bit is amazing.

    For me when I have a lot of male attention coming towards me and men serving me and taking me on dates, it is as though I am a river, and instead of feeling all stagnant and gungy, suddenly my waters are flowing and clean again. I feel good and ‘gushy’ lol.

    I still get that NV sometimes like ‘oh no, you just kissed X, that means you have messed up what you have with Y’ but my NVs lie.

    That feeling is trained into me, and I still feel suprised everytime when it turns out to be so completely and utterly untrue.

    This is what I love about Rori’s work (well one of the things anyway) is that it helps us challenge our beliefs, and so much we believe is untrue and unhelpful. For me it helps me tap into my truth, that is deep inside me and feels warm and powerful.

    And I realise I am more powerful than I ever knew.

    I am love.

    And until a man locks me down with a ring and commitment I am happy with, I am free to CD, kiss and even have sex with (if I want to) as many men as I like.

    Wooo, not quite sure where all that came from, I seem to have ended up typing an essay! Lol.

    I feel quite strongly on this bc I had so many doubts about CD-ing before, and there are always so many questions about it on the blog. And for me it has been one of the most powerful and eye opening lessons yet.

    Yep, I felt suprised, and continue to do so.

    And I LOVE it!

    Woohoo I can kiss whoever I want, whenever I want!

    men know this, and now so do I!

    xoxoxoxox



  325.  #325Ella on June 5, 2011 at 4:02 am

    Daria

    “I do NOT want to meet a serial-dater. someone that dates regardless of attraction, just to get out of the house, and say that you dated. I wanted to meet someone that expresses mutual genuine interest in me… someone that shows enthusiasm about spending time with me.”

    Well that just feels weird, like he hasn’t really connected with you… or doesn’t ‘get’ you.

    You don’t date ‘just to get out the house’ and you are warm, open and authentic. And I imagine that you do express mutual, genuine interest in the men you date IF you feel interest.

    I know we practice being appreciative of the time and energy men give to us.

    What he says just sound like objections born of fear to me… Like he is trying to get you to show interest in him.

    It sounds like one of those things men say to test us.

    I feel some disconnect with this guy. It feels a lil icky/fem energy. Like he doesn’t really want to do the work… or fears he doesn’t have the strength to win you.

    I don’t know I’ve fallen into analysing him now, which is maybe not helpful.

    So in regards to your fears that this has triggered, I hear ya, I feel them too keenly sometimes.

    And yet we know these fears not to be true. Just NVs being triggered.

    See my post above to Flowerchild on CD-ing.

    I know that you know all this stuff anyway, and yet it is still so very triggering when men ‘say’ this kind of suff, or do choose to leave and blame it on this, although I think in reality that is very rare.

    What is your experience of this? Have you ever had any men actually ‘leave’ for good because of CD-ing?

    I would say most men know they don’t have a ‘right’ to exlusivity unless they are offering serious committment.

    They may choose to leave IF they were offering that consistently, and we consistently turned them down to date others, but that is a whole different story!

    xoxoxox



  326.  #326Ella on June 5, 2011 at 4:16 am

    Hmph!!

    I feel pouty.

    My date for tonight text me yesterday afternoon to say he would call me later in the evening.

    Later in the evening (while I was out on another date) he text me again and asked how I was. I sent short reply that I am fine. I thought he might then call but instead he text me again to say he was tipsy!

    Huh? So? What r u texting me for – you said you would call.

    I expressed to him over a week ago that I prefer phone convo to text… Until yesterday he was unable to call me due to lack of funds for phone credit, bu he was able to text…

    So we have been keeping in touch by text and FB, until last night when he said he woulf call.

    I didn’t reply to second text as I was too busy on date, until much later when I replied with ‘R u? (as in a bit tipsy) Lol. I feel a little bit disappointed that you didn’t call me, it would have felt good to talk to you. X’

    He replied by text after midnight saying ‘Sorry. Home now. What you doing?’

    Hmph. I feel turned off and angry.

    I didn’t reply till this morning when I replied with ‘Sorry I crashed out. X’.

    Nothing back from him.

    I feel disconnected and cross. I also feel cross because we are due to meet for a date tonight and as yet he has not made a firm plan or time.

    Grrr.

    Should I express this stuff? How?

    I saw something from Rori once that it is acceptable to contact a man and ask what time we are meeting… although it would be leaning forward wouldn’t it?

    Shall I text and ask what time we r meeting or wait for him to contact me?

    At what point should I ‘cut off’ and make my own plans?

    And when can I express how I am feeling with all this?

    All Siren input gratefully recieved.

    Thanks.



  327.  #327Ella on June 5, 2011 at 4:18 am

    I feel disconnected, I feel annoyed and turned off.

    I feel pouty and unsure.

    I don’t want to be unsure of the plan for later.

    🙁



  328.  #328Ella on June 5, 2011 at 4:19 am

    I don’t want to speak via text. It doesn’t feel good.



  329.  #329Ella on June 5, 2011 at 4:23 am

    Luzydel re 130

    Yes, that is what CD-ing does… it brings up our old issues and patterns for healing. Along with those pesky emotions.

    🙂

    Hugs. xxx



  330.  #330Ella on June 5, 2011 at 5:09 am

    Daria re 138,

    Owww, yes triggering!!

    Wow, I know I would feel triggered if a man said this to me, and it would tap into NVs which whisper the same to me.

    Really though I can see its just more male ‘logical’ brain stuff. More objections.

    Its a logical arguement by a man who wants to persuade you to give up your power and be with only him…

    Unless he is offering the commitment you want and it feels good.

    I worry about this ‘standards’ thing. Like will it make me less expensive and valuable if they see me with this guy and that guy, and even, oh gosh I feel judgemntal to say ‘ugly guy’.



  331.  #331RiverGirl on June 5, 2011 at 5:39 am

    I am struggling to understand the “doggie treat voice” tool.

    “And when you have Power – when you KNOW you have the FOOD, and that you ARE the food, and that you’re the source for tummy rubs and pats on the head, and sex, and love and affection and emotional SAFETY – then the dog – and the MAN knows it, too.”

    I don’t want a man eating out of my hand, I want a man who will take my hand and lead me. I will only follow if I like the direction he is taking me. I want him to provide ME with emotional safety and to nuture ME. I want to snuggle into his arms and melt when he strokes me. And I will love and appreciate him for that.

    I do understand that tone of voice is important and reveals a lot about how you are feeling. When people are tense and nervous, their vocal cords tighten and the pitch of their voice gets higher. I think Rori’s relaxation tools and circular breathing exercises are great for getting out of your head and back into feeling in your body and that will naturally relax and lower your voice too.



  332.  #332Ella on June 5, 2011 at 5:40 am

    Ow, just came off the phone with CD for tonight and I don’t feel so good.

    He called me up, which I felt pleased about cus I was feeling fed up of text.

    And he was talking a lot, telling me all about his night the night before and how he is really hung over. And also about a FB status that I had seen on FB where he Fraped one of his mates and said that his mate’s g, friend was pregnant.

    I was kinda laughing along and then realised I actually feel really uncomfortable about it… I don’t find it funny.

    I can’t put my finger on what I find so triggering about it… but I felt really icky and very disapproving.

    And as he was talking on and on about drinking I realised I was zoning out. I don’t want to do that… that kills intimacy.

    So I decided to express my feelings.

    I felt akward and wasn’t quite sure what to say.

    So I said I am still feeling disconnected.

    Silence. It felt like a lead balloon! Then he asked me what I mean and why. I said I don’t really know why.

    I said I felt resistance in my tummy.

    he didn’t realy understand wha I meant at all I don’t think. I think he probably thinks I am mad.

    More uncomfortable silence. Then he said he didn’t know what to say.

    Then he asked me what I wanted him to say. I said I didn’t know.

    Then I said I had felt weird last night bc he had said he was going to call and then I recieved more texts and that felt like low energy and recieving lots of texts always makes me feel low energy.

    But it kinda came out jumbled bc I was feeling uncomfortable and i felt a little bit ‘complainy’. Like I could hear a little bit of blame and I didn’t mean for that to come out.

    Maybe I would have been better saying I felt angry. And yet that feels a bit strong for just one missed phonecall.

    No, actually F it!! This is exactly what Rori & her male guest talk about in toxic men about not letting things go, just because they don’ seem a big deal!

    So I am glad I spoke up, however I would have liked my FM to come ou a bit better, cus it felt as though he took it as complaining.

    Well anyway I kept quiet and resisted the urge to fill the silence to take away the akwardness.

    And then he started apologising and explaining why he hadn’t called. Which was essentially cus he had been drinking and he was worried about how he would come across.

    I guess I just don’ feel cool with a man being unable to call me cus he is drunk.

    But I also feel underconfident around this cus it fel like I was disapproving of him having a nightr out. Which I was not.

    The crux of it is I don’t want a man telling me he will do stuff and then not, for whatever reason. It doesn’t feel good.

    But I feel I came across as whiny, needy woman… I feel worried (NV) that he will see me as ‘drama’ and ‘hassle’ and be put off.

    Ok, what is it that I am sensing about this man that is making me feel uncomfortable?

    Maybe that he is not together?

    Ok, but what is going on for me?

    My fear is around speaking up for myself when something doesn’t feel good. Afraid that I will be percieved as whingy and clingy, needy g,friend type who will whine about every little thing.

    And also there is some old stuff about not feeling worthy of having my needs met. Like I don’t deserve a man who follows through on his word, and I should just keep quiet and be pleased a man want to see me.

    But this is old, negative stuff.

    And it is not true! It is a lie.

    I feel pleased I spoke up and worried that I came across as clingy.

    I also said how I felt about the pregnancy thing too (on FB) and I was still trying to figure out what was triggring, but I said actually I feel kinda uncomfortable about that!

    And when he said ‘why’ I said that if I was the g,friend I would feel weird about someone putting I was pregnant as a joke. And that people would find it so funny that my b,friend didn’t want to have a baby with me!

    He said she had seen the funny side of it.

    Ow, gosh I do feel like a moany old woman.

    But I am not going to pretend that I find something funny when I don’t.

    Not sure about this guy now.

    Things were going so well and I was feeling so good with him before and then today it has all kinda fallen flat on its face.

    My urge here is to overfunction and try to ‘fix’ this. And I am not going to.

    I am going to drop the relationship ball and see what he does.

    So we were chatting on and I began to relax a bit but still didn’t feel completely comfortable.

    And then I realised I don’t want long phone onversations, I want face to face contact.

    So I said I was going to come off the phone and do somne stuff. He said ‘charming’ or something to that effect and I kinda laughed (I found it amusing that he thought I should stay on the phone and talk to him).

    I had an urge to ask about tonight and I resisted – Yay for me… I would come off the phone w/o mentioning it if he hadn’t and I felt worried he wouldn’t but he did.

    So he said something vague about if he could get the van he would come over, and I said ‘oh, so what is the plan?’

    And he said ‘oh I could get a bottle of wine or something’. And then I said I did not feel so sure about staying in really as it is only our second date, and what did he think?

    He said he didn’t want to do ‘much’ but that he can take me out somewhere.

    I said a chilled out evening would feel good, and I stuck to my boundary about going out… well I kinda got to that would feel better.

    And then I asked for a time.

    So he has given me a time.

    I felt worried about what would happen if he didn’t have the van so I asked about this, and he said he would find a way to get to me.

    🙂

    Aww. I felt pleased and I said so and that I am smiling.

    So ok in the end I think and I still think that it was quite an uncomfortable conversation and quite negative feeling, low vibes (which may have been coming from him, not sure)…

    And I still feel worried that he will think of me as needy, highly strung woman who will be hassle for him should he ever decide to ask to be wih me.

    And now I have to work out how to do this date ie: whether to invite him inside at all, or whether just to treat it like a plain old date and not let him come into my house.

    I am feelings fears around pushing this guy away and I don’t really understand why.



  333.  #333Ella on June 5, 2011 at 5:50 am

    Ok why am I so worried about what this guy thinks of me?

    I don’t know I guess I am not really.

    So what if he thinks I am drama and disappears. This only means he is not the man for me.

    It is not my job to fix this.

    And I do want a man who follows through on his word.

    I feel uncomfortable about our conversation about him not calling me.

    Sirens – shoud I bring this up again later, or is that overkill?

    I want to say something about how I feel uncomfortable about the conversation we had on the phone and I feel worried of being percieved as a whingy woman.

    And that actually it feels better when a man follows through on his word…

    This is all it is about.

    Nothing else.

    I just want to express that it doesn’t feel good when a man doesn’t follow thorugh on his promise, for whatever reason.

    And I want to do it w/o sounding blamey or controlling/over the top.

    I feel uncomfortable around expressing this.

    Help pls?



  334.  #334Ella on June 5, 2011 at 5:53 am

    Maybe

    ‘You know when we spoke on the phone earlier and I said I felt weird abou you not calling me last night?

    Pause

    I feel worried about coming across as a needy, whiny woman

    Pause

    And actually all I was trying to say is that I feel more comfortable with a man when he follows through on his word’.

    What do you reckon Sirens?



  335.  #335Ella on June 5, 2011 at 5:58 am

    I also feel weird that he now knows I was looking at his FB page… and I am not even FB friends with his friend (although I met him at the wedding last week) but I clicked the link to his status update cus my guy had made a comment on the post…

    I feel like a FB stalker!

    And yet I am sure we all do it.

    Just that now he knows! Ick.

    I feel vulnerable.

    🙁 Eeeeek.



  336.  #336Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 6:03 am

    101:

    Pigs and wood is funny.



  337.  #337Ella on June 5, 2011 at 6:06 am

    Spamming the blog cus no one else seems to be here atm??

    Ok, I am the Yummy Pie!

    I am all that, and a bag of chips!

    I am all that. I am GREAT.

    I am the dog food he needs to work for.

    I am his reward, and I deserve the best.

    I deserve to be taken out, I deserve a man who follows through on his word (what I mean here is I deserve to feel comfortable and happy).

    I feel good about creating a good FM to say later.

    As in post above… this is feeling good to me I think.

    I might just have an afternoon off today and pamper myself and relax and do exactly what I want to do…

    Was thinking of working but have been working all week and feeling really resistant to it!

    Might just kick back for some ‘me time’.

    That feels good.

    Feel warm in vagina again.

    Want to talk to him later.

    Looking forward to my date and to practicing.

    Feeling fear that he won’t come cus I put him off by showing him my inner drama queen and being too complainy.

    I did also tell him later in the convo ‘I feel vulnerable now’ he said why? I said ‘cus I told you how I feel and now I feel silly.’

    His voice softened a bit then and went warmer and he told me not to feel silly, quite gently.

    Awww.

    I feel nervous about being ‘too much’ for him.

    I feel scared that he can’t handle me like Pubguy and that he will go away because I express my feelings.

    I don’t care I am going to do it anyway.

    And I will be fine.

    I am authentic and I am strong on the inside. Even if I am rambly and soft on the outside!!

    Hugs to (((((me)))))) Hugging myself with strong arms and little kiss on the arm.

    xoxoxox



  338.  #338Ella on June 5, 2011 at 6:11 am

    He is ONLY here to make me Happy!

    Yep.

    🙂

    Lovin the feel of that.

    I am the food, I am the reward 🙂

    He wants to make me happy. It willmake him feel good.

    Maybe it just fekt weird cus he is hung over and the vibe was lazy/like he didn’t want to bother with much…

    But then don’t contact me.

    That is his issue.

    I am gonna give him a chance to step up and do the work.

    A great opportunity, lucky him!!



  339.  #339Ella on June 5, 2011 at 6:12 am

    Re 336,

    I don’t know if I actually FEEL like that yet! Sometimes I do.

    Ok… I intend to be the Yummy Pie and the reward.

    I intend to allow a man to step up and make me happy.

    In fact I intend to let lots of men step up and make me happy.



  340.  #340Ella on June 5, 2011 at 6:14 am

    Hello Lillybelle and Rivergirl.

    You are both here

    🙂 xoxo



  341.  #341RiverGirl on June 5, 2011 at 6:31 am

    Hi Ella Bella and Lilybelle.

    I was here but I’m going to watch the tennis now
    🙂
    Nite all



  342.  #342Ella on June 5, 2011 at 6:49 am

    I think I am having my own issues with alcohol reflected back to me with this new CD dud from the wedding.

    Like ‘look, this is what you are doing and this is what it looks like’.

    If I don’t want it in a man why would I want it in myself?



  343.  #343Ella on June 5, 2011 at 6:50 am

    I man ‘dude’ not dud!

    Lol, Fruedian slip maybe?

    Te he

    🙂



  344.  #344Ella on June 5, 2011 at 6:55 am

    I just cooked a totally random meal, which turned out to be REALLY yummy!

    I felt hungry and wanted something quick and easy, that was also reasonably healthy, and preferably didn’t involve too many carbs.

    Well I had a look in the fridge and cupboards and finally came up with 2 eggs, a quorn ‘steak style’ fillet, 1/2 a courgette and a can of tomatoes.

    So I fried the courgette and quorn fillet in a little bit of olive oil with a sprinkle of salt and pepper, and then added the eggs which I mixed in, and then the tomatoes.

    I was really unsure about adding the tomatoes cus I was like ‘hmmm, eggs and tomatoes? Not too sure’ but I did it anyway.

    I have seen them add eggs to savoury/saucy dishes in Asia and it works so I thought I would try.

    And I’ll tell you what YUM!!!

    Ummmmm, Siren food for me.

    Very tasty, loved it and would have again for a quick breakfast/lunch or light evening meal.

    Weird how we discover things…



  345.  #345Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 6:58 am

    Good Morning/afternoon/whatever time of day it is, Ella Bella..and RiverGirl..

    I’m here, trying to catch up from last night. My parents were here and totally loved on me while they were here.

    We talked about M & M and that whole painful situation and they asked me for what really happened as they only got a teeny bit of one side.. Not surprising.

    So, I poured my heart out to them, my Dad held my hand, I shed very few tears and spoke softly and shared my feelings and my truth about the depth of pain and betrayal I felt and still feel.

    They finally understand what I have been through, the pain and the betrayal, and it felt soooooo good to be heard and understood. This was important to them to know my truth. They made the “date” several weeks ago to talk about this with me, to understand and hear my heart. I feel soooo damn loved and accepted.

    I feel my head ache also. We drank wine…:-)

    Catching up now….I can’t wait to read about your date last night, Ella…..



  346.  #346Ella on June 5, 2011 at 6:59 am

    Lucy,

    I feel so pleased to hear that things have fallen into place for you!!

    I feel excited and your vibe feels so different to a few months back, when you seemed to be feeling quite hopeless sometimes!

    So could we call yours a success story s far?

    xoxoxo



  347.  #347Ella on June 5, 2011 at 7:01 am

    Lillybelle re 343,

    That feels so loving and vulnerable and tender!

    I love that your parents took care of you and loved you and filled you up.

    Hugs. xx



  348.  #348Ella on June 5, 2011 at 7:19 am

    HMMMPHHH!!!

    GRRRRRRRR!!!!

    My CD for tonight just cancelled by text ‘Hiya, Sorry I am not going to be able to make it’.

    Urghhh, feels like a kick in the stomach.

    I obviously freaked him out.

    I feel like jelly and have fallen on the floor.

    Oh g8d I feel so vulnerable and stupid now.

    I feel sick.



  349.  #349Ella on June 5, 2011 at 7:22 am

    I feel I showed my true self and I have been rejected.

    Oh I am crying.

    Aw this feels hurtful in chest.

    I feel unlovable.

    I feel flicked onto the floor for being ‘weird’ and not like normal women.

    🙁



  350.  #350Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 7:25 am

    256:

    I am enjoying breakfast in bed this morning while catching up on posts and had the pleasure of running into this one:

    “No, I do not want a horse tail butt plug. Thank you very much.”

    LOL!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!

    I have been laughing hysterically, for five minutes and it’s still, so damn funny. I am a visual reader/listener so I see all of this stuff…

    I can also now hear, neighing!!!!

    Tears are pouring out of my eyes. LOL!!!!!!!!

    Hysterical laughter now…



  351.  #351Ella on June 5, 2011 at 7:27 am

    I replied

    ‘Ah ok. I feel disappointed. I feel weird about how things have gone today. x’

    And then he replied ‘Yeah. X’

    I don’t quite know what to do with this?

    Should I reply? I mean WTF is going on?? I feel confused and misunderstood. 🙁



  352.  #352Ella on June 5, 2011 at 7:35 am

    I feel ANGRY!

    I’m not going to lie and pretend that I feel ok with him texting instead of calling cus he was drunk.

    Or that it feels ok that he thought it was funny to put that his mate’s girlfriend was pregnant on FB.

    I feel like I want to ‘explain’ stuff and that is actually an attempt to control.



  353.  #353Emerson on June 5, 2011 at 7:37 am

    Thank you Daria and River Girl



  354.  #354Ella on June 5, 2011 at 7:40 am

    That is possibly the WORST experience I have ever had of using Rori’s tools!

    Ick, ick, ick.

    I feel confused and misunderstood.

    I don’t even know whether to reply.



  355.  #355Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 7:43 am

    282:

    DE~ is this the one from the other night that went so well?

    Hmph! I feel icky about men who come to a date in uniforms from working. I had a date once with a really cute young dude who came to get me in his work uniform. Grey work pants and a shirt with the company logo on it. A uniform, not a polo or nice slacks, a uniform.

    I did not go. I felt that by his showing up in his work uniform, that I wasn’t worth the effort in his eyes, to dress for a date. Ugh. So, I sent him packing.

    He circled back around about a month ago and asked me out again. After no contact for a year or so.

    I said no thank you, I am going to whittle wood.



  356.  #356Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 7:44 am

    Ella,

    I am going to stop reading everything and zero in on you..

    Be with you shortly.



  357.  #357Ella on June 5, 2011 at 7:52 am

    Lilybelle,

    Thank you.

    The relevant posts are 330 onwards…



  358.  #358Opal on June 5, 2011 at 7:58 am

    Ella

    I’m new here.

    In your shoes, I would not reply. I would walk away.
    He did a few things you did not feel good about – the joke, the text without calling. Maybe a later time he will be ready to offer what you need. Many times they come back. You stated your feelings about what felt good to you. What he was doing did not feel good. I would feel good about stating my needs and what felt good for me. This man just couldn’t measure up.

    I “think” around your thoughts about being needy… Giving too much feeling early about what is going on inside of us in terms of insecurities (first date etc) can make a man feel we are more invested than he is… I also think the tools did what they were supposed to. You stated your bounderies and what felt good. If he can’t make you feel good, then it’s best he walk away. The tools will chase off a man who can’t do emotions.

    I think you did a great job.



  359.  #359Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 8:01 am

    Ella,

    I would simply reply with “thank you for letting me know.” I wouldn’t go anywhere else with him, especially via text after you have given him your boundary around texting.

    I believe he is exactly what he says he is, hungover and 2) not used to a woman saying how she feels.

    I don’t think that you came across as whiney or any of the other things your NV’s are telling you. I would even say, he isn’t for you but I believe you know this.

    I feel sad that you are crying about this.



  360.  #360Mel on June 5, 2011 at 8:03 am

    I feel so down today.

    I feel like I have so little joy in my life. Everything is a challenge, nothing’s coming easy to me. I’m struggling just to stay afloat.

    When is life going to turn around? I need something to look forward to. I need a glimmer of hope. I can’t even see if there’s any light at the end of the tunnel right now.

    Thunder storms today, so no hike in the woods with doggies for me. I’m stuck in this loop of negativity where absolutely nothing is going my way. Not that I have any control over the weather or anything, but I woke up and was like “Really? Not even this simple plan’s going to work out for me today?!” Ugh.



  361.  #361Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 8:07 am

    352:

    I don’t believe this. It may feel like the worst experience but I believe the tools worked perfectly.

    He essentially weeded himself right out and that is a good thing. I know you know this, Ella.. I KNOW you do.

    Any man who can not or will not respect your boundaries is not a man you want in your life. Period.

    He showed himself last night with his text. You deserve a man who will show up, who will respect you and your feelings and all the beauty that you are, inside and out. He clearly does not deserve to be graced by your presence.

    Hugging you and wiping tears off your cheeks.



  362.  #362Ella on June 5, 2011 at 8:09 am

    Thanks guys.

    I just feel so stupid and de-energised.

    I just feel like I can never really change and make things work for me.

    I feel insecure.

    Things were feeling so good with this guy and I just pushed him away by being too needy and ‘in my feelings’.

    I am just feeling a bit insecure right now.

    And it feels like a kick in the teeth when I open myself up to someone and they pretty much run in the other direction.



  363.  #363LobbyStar on June 5, 2011 at 8:11 am

    I feel sad that I have only truly loved 2 men in my life and have lost them both.

    I feel angry that my last love S said he loved me too and still dumped me a few weeks later, claiming he didn’t have “that feeling you get when you’re with someone you’re supposed to be with long term,” and that he had a fear of commitment and wasn’t ready for a r’ship. (Cop out much?)

    I feel confused by the above situation. And that I still feel such a strong pull toward him that will.not.go.away.

    I feel encouraged that I have been attracting higher quality men overall in the past couple years.

    I feel optimistic that I’ve found these tools and this place, and that I’m getting in touch with myself after all these years.

    I feel nervous and excited that I’m going to see S today at work. I feel annoyed that I’m still in love with him.



  364.  #364Ella on June 5, 2011 at 8:12 am

    Lillybelle re 359.

    I know you are right… I know I will see this very soon. Just feels a bit ick right now!!

    Guess I was feeling hopeful with him as I was feeling good around him, and then today just felt like a ttal 180 degree turn.

    Just felt awful tbh.

    Thanks for the hug and tear wiping!

    Xoxox



  365.  #365Opal on June 5, 2011 at 8:18 am

    I don’t feel that’s true Ella. You didn’t push him away.

    You stated your bounderies/feelings. About the texting. About a joke that didn’t sit well. I would feel very good about that.

    His responses did not feel good and provoked more emotional response in you. You might have just walked away earlier but you shared the response. This was your emotional response to something that did not feel good. It was honest! He couldn’t catch it and make it better. So you eliminated someone you couldn’t make you happy.



  366.  #366Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 8:22 am

    362:

    Anytime, Sweet Girl..

    Riff it out, you do that so beautifully.

    I will be here, waiting for you to land.



  367.  #367Ella on June 5, 2011 at 8:27 am

    Ok,

    I want to blog about this and I am feeling SO scared right now.

    It is back to how I feel about my relationship/issues with alcohol.

    Oh g8d I feel so scared to say, and I don’t want to be honest I want to pretend… and I actually think I have a problem with alcohol abuse.

    Not in the way of that I am an alcoholic who drinks every day, but actually that I just binge drink every weekend, and I can’t seem to not, or to moderate the amount I drink.

    And I can’t imagine my life without it.

    I feel scared to admit this stuff because then I will have to face it… I can’t play it down anymore.

    I think most of the problems I have with men stem from alcohol.

    All the ones I have picked who have been toxic have come from nights when I have been drinking.

    And yet, I really do not believe that I can handle life without it… or want to.

    I have this belief that it just won’t be fun if I can’t drink at all.

    I mean for example when I go out, if I don’t drink I tend to feel bored and less confident. I would be less likely to dance which I love and I find things less funny.

    For example the wedding reception last week, would npt have been nearly as much fun if I hadn’t been drinking. And everyone else there was.

    And all my friends drink, and my mum and her boyfriend.

    But I can’t seem to control the amount I drink well at all. And I alwasy drink too much, sometimes I moderate it a bit… but in all honesty I still drink too much.

    And I honestly think this is affecting the quality of my relationships and my self esteem.

    But I donn’t want to give it up completely.

    Think I may need to get some help with this issue because I have tried dealing with it myself and its not working.

    I mean what would I do at the weekend if I wasn’t going out drinking?

    I feel afraid of the emptiness and the boredom.



  368.  #368Ella on June 5, 2011 at 8:31 am

    And I honestly believe that my drinking is affecting the quality of men I am pulling in.

    And it is not a positive thing.

    But I feel too young to be a teetotaler and even though I feel bad to admit it I always think of people who don’t drink as boring (sorry if that is offensive to anyone here… me being judgmental and probably totally incorrect anyway)

    I feel so confused about this split within me.



  369.  #369Ella on June 5, 2011 at 8:47 am

    With CD last night, he is being very step up. He came and collected me, took me for a lovely meal, paid and then brought me home.

    He kinda invited himself in (him not me I promise…) I was not sure how I felt about that but decided it felt ok for him to come and sit in the lounge with me.

    When we got home Housemate Dude was up with one of his friends… they were drinking cus it is housemate’s birthday. And my guy knows then bc they play rugby together.

    So suddenly the dynamics were very different.

    And I felt in the middle of a very male oriented party.

    Well Housemate’s friend immediately fixed me a cocktail and my guy still wasn’t drinking cus he had to drive home.

    Later Housemate’s friend said he should stay over so he could have a drink.

    He kinda looked at me and then later privately he said he might ‘crash here’ and looked at me for confirmation.

    I said ‘ow actually I feel a little uncomfortable about that as it is only our 3rd date.’

    And then it was weird but I just really wanted him to go.

    I think he is a nice guy and I have not been feeling esp attracted, but I have been giving him a chance and so far he has been stepping up.

    I feel worried about last night bc I was drinking and can’t remember clearly exactly how things were.

    But I know he physically moved to be near me quite a few times, and also he touched me a lot.

    A one point he followed me into the lounge so we were on our own and he kissed me. I let him and I melted on him… and it felt good.

    Overall I feel ok about things with him but annoyed at myself ro drinking too much and not really remembering the night clearly.

    I feel afraid I have put him off cus he saw how much I drank and he was not drinking and also that he might be annoyed at me for not letting him sleep over (although that is just kinda tough!).

    He made a comment when we had a previous date and he wanted to stay in and watch a DVD and ‘cuddle’ and I felt uncomfortable abou that and so suggested we go out to the pub… and he just said it was because I wanted more wine!

    I am afraid he views me as some kind of alcoholic, and I am more afraid that he is right!

    🙁 🙁

    And what I see very clearly, again and again, is that my level of drinking complicates things. It just makes things unecassarily complicated and brings in confusion and insecurity.

    Being hung over feels bad and I tend to feel insecure when I am hung over and more susceptible to NVs.

    Like I often will look back on a night and there will be parts I don’t remember clearly, which is a nigtmare for CD-ing.

    My drinking is having a disasterous affect on my love life.

    I can see SO SO clearly now this is really where the work is at for me.

    And yet I feel so afraid.

    I don’t think I can do it (Stop drinking).



  370.  #370Ella on June 5, 2011 at 8:55 am

    F8ck it.

    I am NOT going to stop expressing just cus of this one dude who is now called ‘Flakey guy’!

    And I am going to find a way to address my drinking.

    I will find a way… I don’t know what to do and I am going to work it out.



  371.  #371Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 9:20 am

    345:

    I have been thinking back about last night and my discussion with my parents and have realised the following:

    I felt scared to share all of this hurt with them.
    I felt very vulnerable.
    I felt very open.
    I felt like my heart was split wide open for them to see.
    It felt wonderful.
    It felt safe.
    I feel heard and loved.

    I was afraid my Dad would think that my decisions to not attend family events in which M and M would be in attendance was selfish. He didn’t. In fact, he understood 100% and they are deciding to make our family events a safe place for me to be. I am not sure how they will do this but they will let me know.

    They are proud of me for really working through all of this and for making the progress that I have. The growth and healing that I have done shows, they see a much stronger, confident, self-assured Lilybelly now than they ever have seen and they are proud of me for setting boundaries. They tell me that I appear to be glowing.

    They also tell me that I need a man who is younger than I because I am young in spirit and in looks. 🙂



  372.  #372Senior Lady Vibe on June 5, 2011 at 9:29 am

    @302: Lercomari says:
    “…She is dating but she’s constantly attracting the wrong kind of man…the ones who only want to sleep with her and are only half-serious (which actually means not serious at all). ..”

    Men who want to sleep with women and who are “half-serious” are attracted to women, period. Many woman, a lot of women. We don’t have to do anything special, they’ll show up. The problem is not that WE attract them (we’re attractive creatures) the problem is when we ACCEPT them and their behaviour.

    And these types of men are often on their best behaviour (it’s fake) until they get the sex. So, it’s helpful to spend time observing guys and “gathering data” before commencing sexual activity with them. unless we are “half-serious” ourselves and only looking for sex.

    If we have already “succumbed” to some “half-serious” charms then it’s important for us to meet and get to know other men in order to maintain perspective.

    Does this help?

    xoxo
    SLV



  373.  #373Lucy on June 5, 2011 at 9:31 am

    Ella, I have a selfish curiosity about your situation with drinking. It reminds me of WH, who said we were not a match bc I rarely drink and he drinks a good bit, and that became a problem with his ex-w when she stopped drinking. So he wanted (and found) a girl who drinks like he does. I’m wondering why you feel the need to drink less, while he took the opposite approach: find a partner who drinks more. I am not suggesting you should do this – am just curious about the difference. I guess I still wish he



  374.  #374Laughing Goddess on June 5, 2011 at 9:31 am

    Ooooh Lillybelle, that feels so good to read. My heart feels warm and my eyes moist.



  375.  #375Lucy on June 5, 2011 at 9:32 am

    would’ve wanted me. What do you think about your approach vs his? Thanks! <3



  376.  #376Laughing Goddess on June 5, 2011 at 9:35 am

    I’m feeling kinda off this morning.

    I love myself.
    I wanna feel good today.
    I don’t wanna let things get me down.
    Gonna focus on some simple pleasures and see where that takes me.



  377.  #377Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 9:45 am

    372: LG~

    I have to admit, I have been crying good tears this morning… Tears of relief probably…and tears of joy. I can’t really put into words how I feel.

    Hugs!



  378.  #378DE on June 5, 2011 at 9:51 am

    Good Morning Sirens,

    So I worked a bit a creating a new profile for myself…since the old one really doesn’t say much ab me…I feel scared sharing this…yet, feedback would feel great…thank u …

    Old profile:

    “We Attract What We Are~
    I have been described by friends as having a stimulating, fun-loving, and fast moving personality, as being an optimist at heart who sees the bottle half-full rather than half-empty…and I agree with them.

    In my own words:
    I am a single Christian woman with a diverse cultural background and a proud parent of an eleven years old son. I am self-sufficient, kind hearted, and full of passion for life. I ain’t gone write you a novel and bore you to death…so, if you are interested in what I had to say so far, drop me a line…”



  379.  #379Lucy on June 5, 2011 at 9:52 am

    344. Thank you Ella! Yes, I feel very different and more “successful” than ever. As evidenced by my last comment, I still have some residual feelings and questions about WH… he was so physically attractive to me and his music filled my heart so much… it is hard to let go completely. This new guy has a lot going for him too, I just don’t feel the strong lust factor. Yet. But I am very attracted to him overall, and it gets stronger every day. If I had never met WH, I would be jumping in with this guy all



  380.  #380Lucy on June 5, 2011 at 9:53 am

    all the way.



  381.  #381DE on June 5, 2011 at 9:53 am

    New Profile
    “A man heals through a woman’s heart” as a good friend of mine expressed…I feel proud of myself for having healed my heart and I sure made a commitment to always wear it on my sleeve, never hide it and always speak my truth…but with that come emotions…lots of them …and I own each one of them to the core…

    Traditional forms of dating give me comfort…chivalry, generosity, and protection are qualities I feel attracted to in a man.

    Solitude is my best friend and I visit with Him often…yet, I also feel tingly as in excitement from going out in town, feeling the energy and enthusiasm of others…

    I love to dance…I recently learned Ballroom dancing. What an amazing experience! Continuing to learn on a competitive basis seems as a possibility in the future.

    I finally embrace being “different”…Although, growing up, my mom’s description of me as “different” resonated as negative and it sure brought up hard feelings, often isolation, and misunderstandings…It is true I never accept the status quo…I challenge it…I want better for myself and others… I have a vision and a mission to be a part of a united world where cultures celebrate their similarities and honor their differences…and I would love for my partner to share it with me.

    I am a Ch*ist believer and follower…yet, I do not embrace the views of most organized religions promoting guilt, shame, condemnation, fear…nor the belief that I am separate from God…God is in each one of us…opening our channels to love…self-love…creates the environment to give unconditional love to ourselves and those around us…

    My heart finds excitement in beautiful things the world has to offer…the innocence and smiles of our children…the hope of those under trial…the amazing rebirth of nature year after year…the joy of practicing forgiveness…everyone and everything has an incredible story to tell…I choose to see the remarkable part of you…because You are a Mirror of Me…
    *********************************
    Wow, after writing all this, it feels like I am applying for a job with the Un*ted Nat*ons…Feeling scared and tearful…cause it may not get me any dates… Pouty lips



  382.  #382Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 9:55 am

    377:

    Lucy, is this Australian accent guy?

    He sounds pretty wonderful..



  383.  #383Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 9:59 am

    379:

    DE~

    Wow! It feels exactly like you as I know you to be.

    Wow. And, I love, love, LOVE this:

    I choose to see the remarkable part of you.

    Wow…now THAT is a profile! I wish I could write like that.



  384.  #384DE on June 5, 2011 at 10:09 am

    Lilybelle:

    Wow, really? Can u tell by the things I post here? Wow…I feel very touched…i feel happy that my authentic self came through …thank you dearly…:)

    warm hugs,



  385.  #385Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 10:15 am

    Yes really, DE.

    It feels extremely feminine to me and that is how I see you as well.

    🙂



  386.  #386Lucy on June 5, 2011 at 10:24 am

    Lillybelly, no, the Australian accent guy is just a cute distraction on fb…. keeping me from getting too invested in the one who I am falling in love with. <3



  387.  #387Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 10:29 am

    I feel excited about he who you are falling in love with.

    🙂



  388.  #388kaitlyn on June 5, 2011 at 10:38 am

    My #315

    Because of this, I am done here for a while. I feel drained. If I was any more leaned back I ‘d be 6 ft under. F*ck you, Adam, I know we’re both in a vulnerable place, but I do have a life and feelings.



  389.  #389Laughing Goddess on June 5, 2011 at 10:49 am

    DE: I love it!



  390.  #390Laughing Goddess on June 5, 2011 at 10:51 am

    Also, you can just try the new profile out. If you don’t get the results you want you can always change it.



  391.  #391Senior Lady Vibe on June 5, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Birthdays, birthdays, so many birthdays…

    @305: Emerson says:
    “I feel annoyed that I am about to turn 40….”

    You’ll be joining the ranks of these 40-year olds. I think they’ll survive. I bet you will too, fabulously! Whatever happens…

    Winona Ryder
    Born: Winona Laura Horowitz
    October 29, 1971 in Winona, Minnesota, USA

    Christina Applegate
    25 November 1971, Hollywood, California, USA

    Shannen Doherty
    12 April 1971, Memphis, Tennessee, USA

    Jada Pinkett Smith
    18 September 1971, Baltimore, Maryland, USA

    These women have already survived turning 40:

    Jennifer Aniston
    11 February 1969, Sherman Oaks, California, USA
    (I think she even survived Brad Pitt turning forty 😆 )

    Jennifer Lopez
    24 July 1969, The Bronx, New York, USA

    Cate Blanchett
    14 May 1969, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

    Renée Zellweger
    5 April 1969, Katy, Texas, USA

    “It seems society dismisses you to the next room at this age…”

    Yeah, you can’t get that stuff out of somebody else’s head. So you are free to leave the room if you wish. You might find more interesting people elsewhere.

    “..I even looked into adopting, and a lot of places/countries make it much harder to adopt a child under age 3 if you are over 40…”

    Cool. Three-year olds are fun, you’ll skip sleepless months and nasty diapers; you and the children will still love each other just as much for the next hundred years. Children don’t even remember much before four years of age.

    “…I don’t want to be 40…”

    It’s possible you won’t reach that state of appreciation for another twenty years. Perhaps I shouldn’t talk… I always wanted to be fifty-five… very cool age.

    “…Please some encouragement ladies…..”

    Gee, so many possibilities… much too numerous to list. And I’m spending less time on some things these days. What do you specifically want to do or think you are missing? Let me know, I might have a bubble thought or too… maybe. Don’t you feel excited to be 40???

    There are still really “old guys” around like these… You could probably “force yourself” if you tried really hard… Maybe? 8)

    Brad Pitt
    18 December 1963, Shawnee, Oklahoma, USA

    Antonio Banderas
    10 August 1960, Málaga, Málaga, Andalucía, Spain

    🙂

    xoxo
    SLV



  392.  #392Laughing Goddess on June 5, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Kaitlyn: You’re feeling disappointed and angry that he didn’t call?

    It seems like things are moving forward but not at the pace
    you would like.

    I guess if though he’s contacting you and inviting you out to see him yet you still overall feel bad about the situation, maybe it is time to give up.

    Obviously he isn’t meeting your emotional needs.



  393.  #393Camila on June 5, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Hey you, girls! I have been reading Rori’s posts and newsletters for the last few weeks and even read her amazing book. I have also started to read this blog and am very happy to share with you the way I feel. Wow! The way I started to deal with the guy I am ‘dating’, better, the way I started to better respect myself and see my mistakes has made me become secure, owner of a high self esteem and it feels amazing! I had never felt like this before. I would really love to share my experience with you, girls. My relationship with this guy has been online for the last 6 months; we have our differences, such as age gap and coming from different countries/cultures, yet he came to meet me and we had a very nice tune and chemistry, but things started to get strange on his end after some time after his trip. His words were not totally matching his attitudes, I was really upset and concerned about every little attitude and step I would take and that was when I found Rori’s amazing tips! I was going crazy and making all the mistakes I could ever make! I loved to read your stories, girls! YOU have the power to make it change; I am still working on dealing with all this inner power that I have, and it feels great to know what I am able to do and that I can be happy. Rori: you are amazing! Wish you all a great Sunday and all the best! Will keep on reading and keeping you posted!

    Camila



  394.  #394DE on June 5, 2011 at 11:02 am

    Thank you LG 🙂

    Yes, trying it out to see…feels good to me…i do want though to work on my fear…and expectations…i want to fully/completely own my vibe when i post it…

    i believe that is the key to attracting what we want…

    warm hugs,



  395.  #395Laughing Goddess on June 5, 2011 at 11:06 am

    Maybe the message here is that you didn’t ruin things by going to Paris as you thought. Maybe you just weren’t feeling satisfied with the relationship in the first place. Maybe you will never feel satisfied with how he treats you.

    Maybe the lesson is to forgive yourself for whatever mistakes you think you made and move on?



  396.  #396DE on June 5, 2011 at 11:10 am

    LG #393:

    Yes, yes, yes…i totally feel the same way about Kaitlyn’s situation…:) I love u intuition…u voice is getting so much stronger 🙂 awesome!

    warm hugs,



  397.  #397Laughing Goddess on June 5, 2011 at 11:10 am

    DE:

    “i want to fully/completely own my vibe when i post it…

    i believe that is the key to attracting what we want…”

    I agree!

    Are there any particular parts that you feel uncomfortable with?



  398.  #398luzydel on June 5, 2011 at 11:20 am

    I feel angry at myself for being so naive and following rules about something that isnt working for me. I need to say what is inside me…F@ck feeling messages, they are useless when you are caught up in the moment. This stupid fear of making men run away from me ugh! so what? how many times have a said the worst things and men dont run away. this reharsal of feeling messages is poisoning me. I ned to say things right away. I am feeling so angry for keeping things inside me.

    Why didn’t I told “D” what he did hurt me? Why was I open when I wanted to tell him to leave me alone? I had a chance to scream, to let it all out, and I lied to myself. I am angry at myself for holding my feelings. If I cannot say the wrong to things to the right man, then why not say it all and relieve myself from this poison.
    If D contacts me again I will tell him like it is, not rehersal, I feel angry that he dissed me, I feel angry that he thinks I am here waiting on him, I feel angry that he cannot let me go, I feel disrespected, I feel like telling him to f*ck off. I deserve better and he is holding me back.

    Dont contact me any more if you are not willing to give me what I want! I feel disrespected by you! Give me the space to meet someone better! Don’t you realize how much I like you? Is this just a way for you to feed your ego?
    Let me go, I deserve better!



  399.  #399Laughing Goddess on June 5, 2011 at 11:22 am

    DE: I just reread it and saw a few possible things that could be tweaked.

    I don’t know if doing that would help you to feel better about it?

    If you are interested, I’d be happy to offer some speciic feedback.



  400.  #400DE on June 5, 2011 at 11:35 am

    LG #397:

    Yes, I would love to get more specific feedback 🙂 Thank you…

    Warm hugs,



  401.  #401Laughing Goddess on June 5, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    DE: Okay, well first of all I have to say that I feel warm and safe reading it and it seems to capture your essence well. I feel good about it the way it is. I know you want to feel really really good about it before you post it though so here are a few possible suggestions.

    -maybe elaborating on what the first quote means to you. I feel concerned that it could possibly be mistaken as saying there is something wrong with men and they need healing…without some added context.

    -personally, I feel a little uncomfortable with this part.

    ” Although, growing up, my mom’s description of me as “different” resonated as negative and it sure brought up hard feelings, often isolation, and misunderstandings”



  402.  #402Jordan on June 5, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    Dear Rori,
    I really need your advice!!
    I met this guy at college about a year ago, who is now my absolute best friend. He had asked me to help him with a research paper, and we continued to talk and see each other after that. Right away we hit it off, and ended up dating (not exclusively) for about 3 months. At that time I wasn’t ready for anything more than that, but was still attracted to him sexually so we agreed to be friends with benefits from then on–and it has stayed that way until very recently. I want to make it clear that I never had romantic feelings for him, so sleeping with him while being “just friends” wasn’t a problem. In fact, being FWB was my idea. However, he recently met this girl that he is now interested in. Because he wants to pursue her, he told me that he didn’t want to have a sexual relationship with me anymore–but of course we would still remain friends, as he considers me his best friend and I consider him my best friend. Remember, I never had feelings for him even though we were having sex. Therefore, when he told me this it didn’t bother me.
    But here’s the problem: since the sex has stopped and I see how much he likes this girl, I now feel very jealous, I hate that we’re not spending as much time together recently, I can’t stop thinking about him, and then suddenly day a light went on…I realized that I’m in love with him!!! Now I don’t know what to do. Please help me Rori, before he becomes exclusive with this girl…how can I make him fall in love with me and want a commited relationship with ME instead of her?



  403.  #403DE on June 5, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    LG #399:

    wow…thank u again 🙂

    hmm…yes, i can see u point about elaborating what the quote means to me…

    i would love to learn more about the part u feel uncomfortable…it would give me a bit more insight ab what it could mean to others…

    about to do some yard work…or how i call it…”uniting with nature”…:) yard work and driving are awesome ways for me to process thoughts 🙂

    warm hugs,



  404.  #404luzydel on June 5, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    @400

    I think you are hormonally hooked to this guy; you said you were not in love with him and that all you wanted isto be a FWB; Perhaps you lied to your self for fear of intimacy? The best thing to do is to start dating others ASAP. Get to now yourself, what is it you want, and leave him alone, I would suggest to even distance yourself from him for a while. Maybe he comes back, meabe he doesn’t, but You cannot make him fall in love with you.



  405.  #405Daria on June 5, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    Ella – this was me for a long time

    “I mean for example when I go out, if I don’t drink I tend to feel bored and less confident. I would be less likely to dance which I love and I find things less funny. ”

    well I intended that I would feel just as fun and not shy as when I was drinking

    it took a couple years

    but now I am

    i can’t really tell you how it happened

    a lot of it was about energy, practicing the tools, especially the I am the center and aLL men in the room are waterwheeling towards me

    and also just dancing anyways, until i got used to it

    now when i drink, it no longer has the same effect. It doesn’t make anything more fun. the exhilaration feeling sometimes still comes up, but…. it’s not “different” in a good way… i don’t feel more paid attention to or more loved. I feel the exhilaration even without drinking

    I can totally have fun the same as the drinking people, i don’t even realize i’m not drinking

    this CAN be done, really I promise

    it’s so AWESOME and WORTH IT

    I feel blessed that I was able to change my life from alcoholism to … not

    i’m just not addicted to it anymore … it’s… strange

    I super encourage you to practice having fun without drinking and FOCUSING ON TOOLS THE WHOLE TIME, and soon it will be second nature



  406.  #406Daria on June 5, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    i would just still hang out the drinking people, just drink water, and KEEP FEELING YOUR FEELINGS, keep working tools

    drinking too much actually makes it a lil more difficult to feel my feelings… as Rori pointed out to me when i was still drinking… and slowly I stopped… as I got more into doing the tools instead



  407.  #407Daria on June 5, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    Ella – “I feel worried about last night bc I was drinking and can’t remember clearly exactly how things were. ”

    see here is an instance of not focusing on tools and losing track of your experience and what was going on for you…



  408.  #408Daria on June 5, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    i PROMISE that you will get to the place where you feel JUST AS GOOD without drinking.

    I PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE

    the social anxiety feeling i had which i would numb with drinking gets love from me now

    if I could do it, you can!



  409.  #409rose on June 5, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    Ella, I”m really new here and I’m not going to pretend to know you. but if you’re concerned about your drinking, and you feel like it’s affecting your life negatively, maybe you could consider AA. you could just go to one meeting and see how you feel.

    i’m not saying you’re an alcoholic, i’m just saying that if alcohol is affecting you negatively, and you have issues about not drinking, going to an AA meeting may be a starting point. it’s a non judgmental place and, as the name says, it’s anonymous.

    a lot of people drink. i enjoy drinking. but i’m also pretty comfortable (99% comfortable) going out and not drinking. and if a guy is cool with me not drinking when he is, he gets bonus points in my book.



  410.  #410Daria on June 5, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    oh SLV I love you for this so much1 i feel so moved

    “Cool. Three-year olds are fun, you’ll skip sleepless months and nasty diapers; you and the children will still love each other just as much for the next hundred years. Children don’t even remember much before four years of age.”



  411.  #411Senior Lady Vibe on June 5, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    @408: Daria says:
    “… i feel so moved…”

    🙂

    xoxo
    SLV



  412.  #412Daria on June 5, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    “I know, you’re not supposed to be able to change anyone else, or even WANT to change anyone else – and I’d be the first to tell you that – but here’s the thing…

    If you focus on changing YOU first – on changing what it is that draws you to a man who’s hurting you, that makes you feel compelled to create safety when a man is providing NONE for you…

    …and you learn to get stronger, have more boundaries, and STILL open up your heart and stay warm to a man no matter what – he may WANT to change!”

    Rori e-letter



  413.  #413Dawn on June 5, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    SLV, Im loving your posts! I feel smiley reading them! You are a gem and one smart cookie!



  414.  #414Dawn on June 5, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    Ella, dont be too hard on yourself. Baby steps! I loved alchohol until I came here. This filled the void for me. I dont drink anymore! I found the less I drank the better choices I made. Chin up sweets ! We are here whenever you need us !



  415.  #415Dawn on June 5, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    Ella, Daria is 100% right!!!



  416.  #416FlowerChild77 on June 5, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    (((Ella))) I haven’t caught up on all the posts, but I just read the ones where you are concerned about your drinking. I hate to see you go down this road.

    It does change your vibe and takes the edge off of your alertness and clarity…affects your judgement. I imagine it is attracting a certain type of guy to you—guys who drink. Men who drink tend to need women who will drink along with them—or, at the very least, not say anything about him doing it. It becomes very apparent when one of partner stops drinking and sees life through sober eyes. (These men are often attracted more to a woman’s life-style than they actually are to her…as long as they can drink.)

    You already know that trying to ‘control’ it doesn’t work. You know in your heart it’s something you can’t control…and the only other option is to stop while you still have the power to <3



  417.  #417Samy on June 5, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Your words are really inspiring. Now I’ve noticed my weaknesses and defaults that men pushes away. Lack of confidence and self esteem, Sence of security that I should produce and doggy treat attitudes.

    All those days I’ve tried to rely on boys, because in my culture we are taught that men are reliable and able to take care of us, (I’m from Japan and the culture is male-oriented) now I’ve realized that all my attitude were to try to cling to them. I guess they would sense it.

    I could have attracted some Japanese men by way of showing my weakness or obedience or pretending to be cute. But I didn’t like such a male dominance. But this way that I knew didn’t really work for the guy I was attracted. Those guys, independent, confidence, masculine and has a lots of energy to enjoy their lives and challenge.

    Well, I know that I have to practice those tips you are showng through the whole blog. But I have a problem. I know that if we want, there are tons of opportunities to try them out. But since I have some uncomfortable sexal harrasment experience from men, I don’t feel doing some trial same time…. I just can be the person that I am attracted, the person that I don’t mind to touch me. Actually I hate most of men and my torelance range is too narrow. My question is,,, should I have dates even if I feel like that or should I date with only I am attracted? (I think I have too strong barricade arround me) Also how can I loosen the tolerance of my type? Or how can I heal myself?



  418.  #418FlowerChild77 on June 5, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    #343/Lilybelle It felt wonderful to read this! I’m happy for you. I love it that you call her your ‘bonus mom’–it’s so creative and positive—and FUN! It’s good to know you have family that cares for you like that—and who will sit with you and LISTEN. It made me feel ‘melty’ inside…

    I hope your headache feels better 😉



  419.  #419Senior Lady Vibe on June 5, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    @411: Dawn

    🙂 Thanks for your sweet and kind words.

    xoxo
    SLV



  420.  #420luzydel on June 5, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    Song of the day for me…

    Take all of your wasted honor
    Every little past frustration
    Take all of your so-called problems,
    Better put ‘em in quotations

    Say what you need to say [x8]

    Walking like a one man army
    Fighting with the shadows in your head
    Living out the same old moment
    Knowing you’d be better off instead,
    If you only could . . .

    Say what you need to say [x8]

    Have no fear for giving in
    Have no fear for giving over
    You’d better know that in the end
    Its better to say too much
    Then never say what you need to say again

    Even if your hands are shaking
    And your faith is broken
    Even as the eyes are closing
    Do it with a heart wide open

    Say what you need to say [x24]

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQtGqmi2O2U



  421.  #421Susan on June 5, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    # 305

    Emerson said: “I feel that there are no potential mates in sight for me.

    I feel scared and sad.

    I feel worried that I will be the “one who ended up alone”…and my nieces will have to take care of me when I’m old because I don’t have anyone else.

    I feel dumb for having a pity party.

    I feel annoyed that I am about to turn 40.

    It seems society dismisses you to the next room at this age.
    I even looked into adopting, and a lot of places/countries make it much harder to adopt a child under age 3 if you are over 40. I’m healthy I don’t think I’m going to keel over any time soon…I can still raise a baby.

    I still have value. But I feel that I’m convincing myself of this. This is my problem, I’m struggling with self acceptance because of my age. yuck yuck yuck….I don’t want to be 40

    Please some encouragement ladies…

    My reply:

    40 was my hardest birthday. I cried the entire day because life simply wasn’t developing like I planned it to and I didn’t see anything hopeful in my future. I was very depressed.

    Last Wednesday was my 55th birthday and my life is so different now than it was 15 years ago! EVERYTHING in my life is better than it was when I was 40. Yes, I did go through a divorce, but after the dust cleared that ended up being a good thing. I now have the sweet attention of a good man, a nice home and friends. I had none of that when I was 40. The only important thing I had when I was 40 was a 5 year old child.

    If you are trying to adopt, then the opinions of others do matter (until you actually GET the child.) After that, you can pilot your own ship. there are so many interesting places to go!



  422.  #422Laughing Goddess on June 5, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    DE:

    I feel uncomfortable with it because it is a story from the past and I am more interested in your story now.

    I love how you share that you embrace being different and your vision for the world. Love it!

    For me, the mom part feels a little heavy for a first impression.

    And it seems like you have mostly gotten over what your mom said and love your uniqueness, so why bring it up.

    There is this saying that keeps popping into my head

    “less history and more mystery”

    And also “being in the now”

    Hugs!!!



  423.  #423tinque on June 5, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    kaitlyn – #316 – It’s both, male timetable and you making what sounds like a demand.

    Tweak – It would feel great hearing from you.

    This is all unfolding in a beautiful way. Try to enjoy this.

    xxoo



  424.  #424Island Girl on June 5, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    Hi DE – I totally agree with LG above regarding the Mom mention in your profile. The rest of your profile felt very inviting to me, but that one piece… it did feel like too much… I love what LG said “less history and more mystery” 🙂



  425.  #425FlowerChild77 on June 5, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    #379/DE

    >>>”I am a Ch*ist believer and follower…yet, I do not embrace the views of most organized religions promoting guilt, shame, condemnation, fear…nor the belief that I am separate from God…God is in each one of us…opening our channels to love…self-love…creates the environment to give unconditional love to ourselves and those around us…

    My heart finds excitement in beautiful things the world has to offer…the innocence and smiles of our children…the hope of those under trial…the amazing rebirth of nature year after year…the joy of practicing forgiveness…everyone and everything has an incredible story to tell…I choose to see the remarkable part of you…because You are a Mirror of Me…”<<<

    I loved reading this from you! I consider myself a 'new age' Ch*stian in the respect that I am not, nor ever will be, a literalist, though Ch*ist was the 'doorway' through which I found the spiritual. I also believe that God is Spirit rather than a theistic god with human traits (ability to be angry, vengeful, punishing, jealous, tribe mentality, able to tell certain groups of people to kill other groups, etc.)

    I am a huge fan of John Shelby Spong. He's one of my heroes for several reasons (civil rights activist, scholar,author, speaker, etc.)—his work was the bridge for me to move from organized religion (which didn't feel right and my mind couldn't accept) to where I am now, without having to "throw out the baby with the bathwater."



  426.  #426Rosa on June 5, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    Ella I just loved your blogs and sorry you felt disappointed and rejected but excuse me ..You discovered a real DUD.

    When he knew you wanted to be dated and that he couldnt arrive with wine for an evening of seduction he flaked ..YAAAAYYY !!!!

    This is a BIG WIN for you on the road to screening out the dross and finding the gold. He is not a man who is available to date or give YOU the relationship YOU want.

    There will be more like him as your behaviours change . i told you here about my CD’s none of whom expect sex (though im getting pretty keen on doc man!)

    They weed themselves out when they cant make the grade and this is EXACTLY what you want .
    If you can let go of urgency which I feel a lot in your posts , then good men WILL step up. I really feel you need to look in a different place than the pub though.

    If you keep going there for guys you will just be attracting guys who hang out at the pub, looking for casual dates and or sex, in my judgmental opinion. Keep looking the same place , keep finding the same thing.

    I love how you are coming across as more valuable and deserving. i just love it!

    And can i please judgmentally add, please drop that loser ‘pubguy” , he has a GIRLFRIEND he would have left long ago if you were the one he wanted . (I know thats harsh..been there , done that rebounding GMan last year). Maybe you did? I was confused which one you wrote on FB page. Anyway they are all just CD’s at this stage , nothing more , nothing less..

    GO ELLA !!!



  427.  #427Daria on June 5, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Samy – yes, you will want to date men that you don’t feel a strong attraction for, as long as you don’t feel afraid of them

    then you practice telling the truth in the moment, and your boundaries

    then you will grow

    i really recommend Rori’s book

    showing our weaknesses and believing men are reliable and can take care of us.. is actually a big PLUS! so you will learn to use that for your love life in a way that feels good



  428.  #428Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    416: Awww, thank you FlowerChild.



  429.  #429tinque on June 5, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    Daria – If you want to further explore your sexuality on your own and can’t afford my book, let me know, and I will send you any relevant articles I wrote.

    xxoo



  430.  #430FlowerChild77 on June 5, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    Sorry, DE, I hadn’t realized that what you posted was your profile. I didn’t mean to go on and on… :-/

    I don’t have experience with profiles, but I think what the other Sirens have said sounds right. I’m feeling antsy…I know the online profile and making a good one is something I need to do…soon.

    I did really feel your authenticity coming through as I read yours. 🙂



  431.  #431Daria on June 5, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    DE – i would use even MORE feeling messages, to replace some of the ‘telling’



  432.  #432Daria on June 5, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    Tinque – okay… i get easily discouraged exploring that stuff as i believe ive read the same stuff over and over

    here’s a question…

    i have small fingers i put my fingers inside, i can barely reach my G-spot…

    am i supposed to be a bit more pushy and agressive and jsut grope around there like its a rubber stretchy thing?

    i’ve been afraid to really push too hard, its just all soft, but also, it feels SOO difficult to actually push on or around the G-spot without my hand getting Very tired, and without trying to really DIG in there

    so are we supposed to Dig?

    let alone my cervix, i don’t know WHERe the hell that would be! geez

    am i supposed to just really be pushy in there and try to find stuff?



  433.  #433Daria on June 5, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    i feel so angry! i feel frustrated ! i feel like crying!!1



  434.  #434tinque on June 5, 2011 at 2:32 pm

    Oh sweetheart, please be more patient and gentle with yourself. I didn’t figure all of this stuff out overnight.

    You don’t though need to be gentle with her. She can take it as long as it’s not hurting you or uncomfortable.

    Are you sure your g-spot is so out of reach?

    For most women, it’s right there near the opening. If you push out, you can see it pushing through the opening. Take a hand mirror and try this.

    You can also try pushing a bit while you are exploring inside so as to give you easier access.

    Try different positions. Sitting kind of slouched in a comfortable chair makes it come forward more, and it’s easier on your hands. Try kneeling.

    xxoo



  435.  #435Daria on June 5, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    haha no way its NOT near the opening. its like 2 inches inside



  436.  #436Daria on June 5, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    thanks Tinque

    i feel super triggered frustration feelings!

    something else i noticed in my life that was different from what you describe on your site, was that i actually feel very in tune energy/phyiscally with some men, even if i haven’t known them for long or i just met them

    and i had a cervical orgasm before! yay!



  437.  #437Daria on June 5, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    my cervical orgasm was when i woke up feeling very aroused physically, and i called getright to have sex, and… when we did, he was poking on my cervix which he often does and it hurt, and i told him, and then he shifted and then… oooh it felt good! i felt surprised… hehe



  438.  #438tinque on June 5, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    I would still suggest trying the pushing to see if this helps, not hard, but firmly and also alternate positions.

    If still a no go, you may have to try a dildo curved to reach it such as the crystal wand, not my favored way to go, but there are women like you who have difficulty reaching it.

    xxoo



  439.  #439luzydel on June 5, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    Going to watch Groundhog Day…
    Maybe that is the answer right? Doing it over and over until it comes out right…

    Just saying 🙂



  440.  #440tinque on June 5, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    I love that you can feel this way with some men. I have observed a unique openness in this way in you before, and this will serve you so well. Brava…

    And YAY for cervical orgasms. YAY for any orgasms.

    xxoo



  441.  #441tinque on June 5, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Yeah Daria, the more the cervix softens (it often becomes resistant and painful due to held traumas) the better this will feel. The only time it may hurt is if your ovulating. The swollen ovary can be really owey.

    xxoo



  442.  #442Ella on June 5, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Sirens,

    Thank you so much for your support with all this.

    I was so afraid to talk about my drinking again.

    I am going to do it.

    I feel SO AFRAID!

    Afraid that I won’t be able to do it mainly… that I will fail and keep going down this road to pain and maybe even alcoholism.

    I am ready to face this though.

    I just feel so scared.

    I want to do this… If I can really learn how to have as much fun and feel as confident w/o alcohol that would be truly amazing.

    Daria thank you especially for sharing your experience of this, and for telling me that I can change it, and that things will really be good.

    It does give me more confidence. And still there is a part of me that doesn’t quite belive it.

    But I am ready to try. I am ready to try something new.

    So Daria did you cut it out completely at first? Because I have tried to simply cut down and drink less and that doesn’t seem to be working for me.

    xoxoxox



  443.  #443Daria on June 5, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    “Hormones can dull sensation to the point where not only do you feel little, a touch from your man or yourself can almost feel repellent. And they can also enhance feelings to the point where you are singing hallelujah, lost in incomparable bliss.” from Tinque

    this Does seem to be an issue for me,

    i’ve felt the “repellant” feeling before

    and i’ve felt the bliss before – ie when i had the cervical orgasm

    i wonder what i can do to feel great



  444.  #444tinque on June 5, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Feel great by embracing whatever it is you feel whenever you feel it. Maybe the repellant feelings are serving to protect you, as in this is not a good time for you to be touched sexually. Maybe it’s a good time to be alone with yourself.

    xxoo



  445.  #445Daria on June 5, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    Ella – yes, i suggest cutting it out COMPLETELY

    also, when i was at the height of my alcoholism, in that i noticed as i got drunker i would want to drink MORE, and was not feeling able to stop myself…

    i started doing MENTAL EFT right there while drunk, on the spot, when i caught myself wanting another drink

    hehe i still remember me, super hyped up drunk, trying to focus my mind to each EFT spot and saying to myself, even tho i want to get more drunk, i love and accept myself

    go DARIA!

    and yes, i suggest NOT drinking at ALL, and then NOTICE WHAT COMES UP WITH CURIOSITY!!

    do you feel really scared and anxious and tightened up? around all the other people? love on that, breathe, relax, do the tools

    do the tool of all men giving their energy to you, like you’re a target

    jsut focus on DOING TOOLS, not on having fun



  446.  #446Daria on June 5, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Thanks Tinque –

    the repellant feelings started with my first boyfriend who was really nice, tho maybe fem energy in some ways? i don’t know, i didn’t want to be with him anymore and it got to the point where i felt absolutely ICKY UGH EW convulsion if he even touched my breast

    then i ran away from nice guys for awhile

    i also noticed it come up once with a lover i had who i usually loved his attention, but this one time, it felt repellent… at least until i got drunk and we actually started having sex… and then it went away

    sometimes i feel repellent to men touching my breasts, or even ME touching them

    i feel icky and tight thinking about this stuff

    GURR

    i feel so curious about these feelings that come up for me



  447.  #447Daria on June 5, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    when guys go down on me, it doesn’t feel especially good for me to orgasm, necessarily

    what feels good is sometimes right when they start, it just feels like im in heaven, like the world is just SPINNING!!

    oh it feels SOOO GOOD but usually im not orgasming then… at least not in the way i think of orgasm

    ive had guys that made me orgasm and i was just like eh.. okay… it felt cool



  448.  #448FlowerChild77 on June 5, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    Ella, I want to thank you for your posts to me about CDing and my worries about it. And I know that you are right in what you tell me. 🙂

    I wouldn’t feel hesitant about what someone one I just met or had dated a few times thought about me dating other guys…this bothers me because I spent 12 years with this man.True, he didn’t drive up here to pick up my christmas tree (even though he offered—I did not ask.) And yes, I was disappointed 🙁

    But this is a man who stood by me when my own mother wouldn’t help me. He stuck with me through the best and the worst. He would have never left me. We worked and made a good life together. It still feels like my home. He would still be there for me (in the larger sense) but I would never ask for anything. He is solid and loyal and I know he loves me. I am VERY scared to let go of that. Even though I don’t go—there is something very comforting about knowing I could if I wanted to.

    He is stubborn and *I* left. The ball has been in my court… He is very masculine in a lot of ways, but emotionally, I know he won’t reach out to ask me to come home. I know him.

    I left because he is so very solitary and it was very lonely, at times. But in many other ways, it wasn’t nearly as lonely as I feel right now. He is a good man and he made me feel safe and loved. It wasn’t perfect, but I knew where I stood.

    Sorry to go on and on about this. I just wanted to say why it feels like this is different (it might not be–but it FEELS like it is.) He has been so much more to me than a chance meeting or a couple of dates.

    I feel like I need to make a decision, here. I’m trying to gauge whether this feels ‘right’ to me—or if it carries a sense of urgency, in which case I’ll know I should STOP and do nothing.

    Thank you, Ella. Your posts have helped me start processing this so I can ‘get out of my head’ about it.



  449.  #449tinque on June 5, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    Anytime Daria. For me I find that if there isn’t some sort of chemistry with a man, than yes his touch will feel repellant. Or if I have stuff on my mind, or I’m feeling low or insecure about something or myself in some way, similar feelings can arise and even from my own touch.

    It’s not a negative things. It just is. And if you can heal this, awesome.

    xxoo



  450.  #450Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    446: Are you contemplating returning to the relationship??



  451.  #451Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    Communicating with a new CD. He asked me what I was looking for in my future man. I melted..am still melting at his response.

    “WOW Lilybelle. That is the best response I have ever heard. You sound like a wonderful woman. I am so intrigued!”



  452.  #452Emerson on June 5, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    389 SLV & 419 Susan
    Thank you both of your posts lifted my spirits and made me feel better.



  453.  #453Daria on June 5, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    YAY LILIBELE!!!



  454.  #454Ella on June 5, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    I having a bit of a crisis of confidence about the tools right now.

    I just feel so confused. I mean CD for tonight had been so step up, both when I met him and on the date we had and all week since… right up until today.

    I’m really stuggling not to feel like it is my fault that it went like this.

    The vibe was always fun/good with us, and the theme has always been him taking care of me. And he said he wanted to make me feel happy.

    It started going wrong last night, when he text m instead of calling, as he had said he would.

    Its really not even a big deal, I mean its not like he promised to call and dind’t contact at all. He text me to say he had been drinking…

    But it just felt slightly weird.

    And so I just wanted to say that it had felt a lil weird and that it always feels better when a guy follows through on his word.

    Also that lots of text makes me feel turned off.

    As a sidenote it feels weird that he felt he couldn’t call after he had been drinking… that feels like staying hidden or something.

    But that is all I wanted to express, no big deal.

    I sent a few text replies which were nothing about my feelings and it felt really inauthentic and disconnecting.

    And somehow when I spoke to him it all went kinda wrong. Like immediately on the phone I felt disapproving of him.

    And when I tried to talk about how I felt re the lack of phonecall it came out like I was complaing or blaming and having expectations.

    And he clammed up… and it all fell totally flat.

    And then he mentioned the FB comment, and I felt weird cus I had been feeling impatient to hear from him literally about ten minutes before he called and had looked at his FB page. And saw a comment he made on his friend’s status and felt curious… so I clicked on that and I could see his friend’s status update and it was bout his g,friend being pregnant.

    And it felt really off to me.

    And then when we were on the phone I realised it was my guy who did the status… and I felt like sinking feeling.

    And so I was honest and expressed how I felt, and the more I did the worse it got.

    Its like I could feel the whole vibe just change on an instant.

    And when I was trying to express and realised how it was being taken by him, it just kept coming out like blame, and like me being unflexible, needy and neurotic woman.

    I just felt truly awful. And I just knew he was getting put off, and I so wanted to explain and I just couldn’t bc that is against RR teachings so I said nothing and let him think I am like that. WHICH I AM NOT!

    I hate that anyone would think of me as that. I guess that is my stranger and the part of me I don’t accept. Maybe that is why it is being mirrored back to me?

    I don’t know… I was just so far from that ‘cool’ fun girl that CC describes… And I could have been that girl, I can always be her. And maybe if I had I would have started to feel like that. That happens for me sometimes, that when I act as if I become. Thats why sometimes I am not to sure about feeling/focusing on negative feelings.

    Don’t want to stuff but want to choose the positive too. How do I balance this?

    Anyway, as I say, I am finding it hard not to see this as my fault.

    I def came across as bunny boiler, drama woman!

    Icky icky.



  455.  #455DE on June 5, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    LG #420:

    Awesome feedback…i love it “less history & more mistery”…:)

    Interesting why i chose to bring that up in my writing…i often do it when i test myself for a final “closure”…its like telling the Universe i am finally letting go of my past…i embrace it…and i am moving on 🙂

    And yes, u right, I have not had a bit of anger twds my mom for a long time…:) We’ve sorted out our differences…distance made us both reflect and heal 🙂

    warm hugs,



  456.  #456DE on June 5, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    Island Girl #422:

    Thank you dearly for your feedback 🙂

    Warm hugs,



  457.  #457FlowerChild77 on June 5, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    Daria,

    Tinque can probably speak more to this, but I was always rather uncomfortable with breast/nipple stimulation. I’d always kind of steer clear of that. I didn’t really know why.

    Little did I realize how VERY sensitive they are–a direct line to my clitoris! The “uncomfortableness” was intense (and I mean intense!) arousal…a kind I’d never known before. Learning this about myself opened the door to being able to completely surrender and receive. (If I’m in the right mood I can orgasm just from nipple play.)

    We’re all different…just something to think about while exploring what triggers arousal in your body.



  458.  #458Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    451: It feels really good, he just told me he is really loving our conversation. 🙂

    Here is how I responded to his question about my future man:

    My future man is filled with integrity, kindness, compassion, good humor, fun, kind and masculine…He knows how to treat a woman and is not afraid to show her. He doesn’t get scared and run away and communicates his wants and desires to me because he feels safe, knowing that I won’t ever judge him or berate him. He enjoys going out for adult beverages, sitting on a patio and not worrying about what he should be doing but is just enjoying our time together. He is commitment minded and relationship ready.

    He likes my son, is welcoming to him and willing to create a friendship with him as well. Not be his father, he has an excellent one, but doesn’t disregard him.

    *I feel a bit vulnerable sharing this with you Sirens but ahhh, what the hell.



  459.  #459DE on June 5, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    FlowerChild77 #423:

    Wow, i feel glad to see we share similar views…i will look him up…never heard of him before 🙂

    Thank you for u feedback 🙂

    Warm hugs,



  460.  #460DE on June 5, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    Daria #429

    Okay, thank u …i look at it again…:)

    Warm hugs,



  461.  #461Senior Lady Vibe on June 5, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    @449: Lilybelle

    PEER PARTY: Your peer guest list and some hearsay…

    47 – MICHELLE OBAMA (First Lady of the United States)
    January 17, 1964 in Chicago, Illinois, USA

    49 – BARACK OBAMA (President of the United States)
    August 4, 1961 in Honolulu, Hawaii, USA

    47 – SARAH PALIN (descendant of 10 Mayflower passengers, proud grandmother)
    February 11, 1964 in Sandpoint, Idaho, USA

    46-TODD PALIN (proud grandfather)
    September 6, 1964 in Dillingham, Alaska, USA

    47 – NICHOLAS CAGE
    7 January 1964, Long Beach, California, USA

    47 – TRACY CHAPMAN
    March 30, 1964 in Cleveland, Ohio, USA

    Maybe she’ll sing! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPcjjOrKmJw

    47 – WYNONNA JUDD
    Birth Name:
    Christina Claire Ciminella
    30 May 1964, Ashland, Kentucky, USA

    46 – BOBBY FLAY (high school drop out… but YUM!!..)
    10 December 1964, New York City, New York, USA
    He proposed to Stephanie March on December 19, 2003 while ice skating at Rockefeller Center. They were married in February 20, 2005.
    [She’s ten years younger… hmmmph, we’re not inviting her… hahaha… well maybe… 😆 ]

    46 – KEANU REEVES (name means “cool breeze over the mountains” in Hawaiian)
    September 2, 1964 in Beirut, Lebanon

    45 – CYNTHIA NIXON (Yea! Miranda, “Sex And the City”)
    April 9, 1966 in New York City, New York, USA
    A breast cancer survivor and all around inspirational woman. A “plus one” invitation so she can bring her wife.

    50 – ALEXANDER PAYNE (2005 Oscar, Best Adapted Screenplay “Sideways” 2004)
    February 10, 1961 in Omaha, Nebraska, USA

    46 – BROOKE SHIELDS
    31 May 1965, New York City, New York, USA
    Her paternal grandmother was Marina Torlonia (1916-1960), daughter of the Italian 4th Prince of Civitella-Cesi, an Italian aristocrat, and through him
    Brooke can claim descent from Henri IV, King of France, Lucrezia Borgia, and Honore I, Prince of Monaco, among others.

    50 – GEORGE CLOONEY
    6 May 1961, Lexington, Kentucky

    46 – GLORIA REUBEN (Yea! Jeanie Boulet “ER”)
    9 June 1964, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
    Gloria is also a committed social activist. As of January 2011 Gloria is a special advisor on climate change for the Alliance for Climate Protection,
    former Vice President Al Gore’s environmental organization. She is on the Board for the National Wildlife Federation, along with being on the
    Leadership Council for the Natural Resources Defense Council and Waterkeeper Alliance. She is on the Leadership Council for the RFK Center for Justice and Human Rights, and she serves on the Board for SIECUS: the Sexuality, Information and Education Council of the United States.

    Speaking of George and Gloria on ER. Michael Crichton, the writer creator, always fascinated me but he was in my decade and sadly he died a couple years ago.

    Here’s the ER story: After failing to get producers interested in “ER” (1994) in 1970, the script sat in a metal safe for twenty years until Steven Spielberg heard about it. Steven Spielberg contacted him about it in 1989, expressing interest in turning it into a movie.

    It was dropped when Spielberg heard about Jurassic Park (1993). During the film’s production, someone else at Amblin Entertainment read it and suggested that it was better suited for a TV series.

    So… keep the faith; you never know when things will happen.

    50 – GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS (TV news, Clinton Administration, Rhodes scholar)
    10 February 1961, Fall River, Massachusetts, USA
    (proposed marriage after only three months…are there some secrets here?)

    51 – SARAH FERGUSON (Former wife of Prince Andrew of England)
    15 October 1959, Marylebone, London, England, UK

    Came very close to being caught in the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center, in New York. She was due to be on the 101st floor of one of the
    towers, for a charity meeting at 8:45am EST, but was running late. Upon her arrival, one of the planes had crashed into one of the towers, and her staff
    whisked her back into the vehicle and to safety. [11 September 2001]

    During her marriage she was officially known as ‘Her Royal Highness The Duchess of York’, following her divorce she is styled as ‘Her Grace Sarah, Duchess of York’

    These older dudes expressed a wish “to crash” the party:

    58 – LIAM NEESON (6’4″…tall dude, practically a birthday boy)
    Birth Name:
    William John Neeson
    7 June 1952, Ballymena, Co. Antrim, Northern Ireland, UK

    57 – JOHN TRAVOLTA (Cool… Kelly Preston’s on vacay)
    18 February 1954, Englewood, New Jersey, USA

    ================================

    xoxo
    SLV



  462.  #462Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    Isn’t that strange??? Feeling vulnerable with you all? I’ve bared my soul here for all to see and yet I feel vulnerable with a response to a CD..

    Time to name him…



  463.  #463DE on June 5, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    Hmm…just noticed the topic of my “profile” is now competing with the G spot convs…hard to beat that…lol

    G spot always wins 🙂



  464.  #464Ella on June 5, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    On the other hand there were red flags.

    I just thought they were quirks and found them endearing.

    How do I get people so wrong?

    Eg he said he has never been in love. And he doesn’t trust anyone.

    He was also quite rude to me when we first met and called me shady and a prick tease cus his mate, who it turns out is with someone, was cracking on to me.

    But he then apologised and said it was just cus he couldn’t get me, he couldn’t work me out. And also he wanted me for himself.

    And he was the one in charge amongst his group of friends and despite being not the best looking he manipulated the situation so that it was just me and him and he got me… and to me that felt like him ‘winning’ me… but maybe it was just manipulative.

    And I could also see how the people I know felt affectionate towards him so I though he was a nice guy with a gruff exterior. Like a diamond in the rough.

    And it triggered all those fantasies of meeting a difficult man and me being the one who transformed him.

    And he said he had a feeing we were going to end up spending a lot of time together, and i just felt like he was really into me,. and that felt amazing.

    And I felt flattered but now looking back see how twisted this all is and how it plays right into my patterns of being wanted, and heightened chemistry.

    I saw him like some kinda good hearted gangster.

    And he was showing me, like telling me about all the arguements he has had, and somehow I still thought he was good underneath it all.

    And when he came to help me deliver the flyers and he said he fel nervous, and we just spent loads of time grinning at each other. And that made me feel very connected to him. And I thought it was something.

    But also he hadn’t been working for a few weeks and had no money to call me or take me out.

    But it sounded like he was sorting it all, and it even seemed like he was sorting it so that he could take me out.

    And he wanted to take me out, and drive to me… I was the one who initially came up with stayingin, and then dropped that pronto after Siren iunput here.

    And it is clear to me that I was making an imaginary relationship when I had not even given it long enough to see who he really is…

    I wonder why I was doing this?

    I guess he just slotted right into some old patterns for me, maybe a do-over of my step dad, who was a difficult man, and very quirky, and who died so I felt powerless.

    And also that fantasy of a diamond in the rough… and me being his ‘one’ that changes all that.

    I feel so foolish.

    I didn’t even realise I had become so invested.

    And because he was less good looking I thought he would treat me better and appreciate me!

    Unun.

    I fel so goofy around him.

    And I knew I was being too much and somehow just couldn’t help it.

    It just felt like we could have been such a good match. And my imagination ran away.

    And now it has all crashed and I feel guilty and stupid.

    And washed out.



  465.  #465DE on June 5, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    Okay, about G spot…

    I had the amazing privilege to date one man with an awesome penis…curved that is…big, thick…perfect i might say…

    he was the only one EVER to get it through intercourse…:) i felt shocked at my multiple orgasms during sex…and i admit getting hooked on it for a while…yep, this is actually the guy who is still pursuing me in his own way five years later…:)

    when i think of him, i remember about my G spot…

    thank u Sirens for getting me all horny 😉



  466.  #466Senior Lady Vibe on June 5, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    @419: Susan says:
    “…Last Wednesday was my 55th birthday and my life is so different now than it was 15 years ago! EVERYTHING in my life is better than it was when I was 40…”

    Cool. 8) Forty can be pretty good too… 🙂

    xoxo
    SLV



  467.  #467tinque on June 5, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    Oh Flowerchild, I am SO jealous LOL. As sensitive as mine are, I have only been able to orgasm via nipple play a few times and only after having had other orgasms.

    xxoo



  468.  #468tinque on June 5, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    Sounds yummy Darling Ella.

    xxoo



  469.  #469Daria on June 5, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    DE – ugh i feel sad now thinking of Securityman who had a curved thang… and i didn’t do it to him more than once… and that first time i was feeling pain from a previous thing, and he was so excited he came fast

    aww

    it felt relaly good to be around him, so relaxing



  470.  #470DE on June 5, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    and since we are talking about orgasms…and discovering ourselves…well, i will share this…

    i finally reached my potential and sexual freedom/acceptance of my body and self that is…when i explored threesomes…

    i had two experiences…i don’t feel ashamed ab them…i feel proud of myself for do it…yet, i admit i will not want to do it with my partner…or accept the invitation of a girlfriend again to do it with her “man”…who became obsessed with my pus*y…:( i lost her as a friend …:( even though, i would have never betray her 🙁



  471.  #471Daria on June 5, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    mine are sensitive too and i can orgasm much faster by playing with them and my clitoris at the same time\



  472.  #472Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    459::

    SLV!!!! This is phenomenal! Seriously, I love it and when I get to work tomorrow, I am printing this and putting it my journal.

    Brooke Shields…I have been watching Nip/Tuck on my puter.. (thank you netflix) and she did a stint on there where she played a therapist who had a sex addiction. I was surprised to see her bent over the desk….if you know what I mean…

    I’d like to ask her at the party, how she felt about doing those scenes…they seemed so out of character for her.



  473.  #473Lilybelle on June 5, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    468:

    I have never had an orgasm during sex….ever.. and I can’t find my g-spot.

    Ugh.



  474.  #474Ella on June 5, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    Sirens,

    Trying to stay away from judement here… and I feel curious, and slightly unsettled about a situation occuring at home atm.

    What do you all make if this?

    It is housemate dude’s birthday, and so early afternoon woman A and her kids came round and the kids played with his boy.

    Woman A left and he dropped his boy home…

    Then, less than an hour later, woman B shows up. She has always seemed kind and caring and I kinda warmed to her more than woman A.

    Anyway Housemate had told me that she has got a lot of birthday suprises for him.

    My judgemental mind immediately thought ‘overfunctioning’, esp as they have only know each other a few weeks.

    Anyway I felt bad for judguing and tried to put judgmental thoughts aside.

    When she turned up she came up to my room and came barging in and she was wearing a long overcoat. She looked kinda stressed.

    She said ‘I have been organising this suprise for housemate and its taken me ages to plan, would you mind not coming in the lounge or kitchen for the next hour?

    Then she undoes her coat to show me a kinky/sexy stripper style uniform underneath. And she had brought champagn and whipped cream and other ‘toys’.

    I felt weirded out. But said ok.

    And the other thing I noticed, after it was ll finished and they had gone out to the pub, is that she has bought him a mushy card that says ‘to the man in my life’ with a big heart and teddy bear on it.

    I was naughty and I read it, well it was on display with the others, and it said all my love …. then loads of kisses.

    Ok trying very hard to stay away from labels and judging, but in Siren land we would call this overfunctioning right? And trying to get to a man using sex, not emotions?

    I just find it a lil confusing bc atm it sure seems to be working. As in he said something the other night lie he was leaning toward something with her… or something which gave the impression he is considering a relationship with her.

    Which is weird anyway from someone who has said very clearly many times recently that he does not want a relationship. And has always said he never wants to be married again.

    And then there is woman A, who is like totally the opposite. Looking at it from a Siren point of view she is very open and authentic, and she is def vulnerable. She is coming out of a violent relationship and the first time I met her she told me all about it, and all the issues and all the things she has been though. And yet she is needy. And she brings her kids into the mix, again after just a few weeks. And she comes across as sweet and innocent, and I know they didn’t have sex immediately.

    So 2 very different woman. And I am observing both and seeing their mistakes and thier various appeals. And I am learning so much and yet I still find the whole thing confusing.

    And BOTH of them are coming at him… ie they drive to him, they are coming forward. Prob woman B much more directly so…

    And then there is him, and one of his big things is his high morals, and yet I wonder if both these women know about each other…

    And on the one hand he is ‘broken’ from his break up, and on the other he is jumping into whatever this is with these women.

    I feel so fascinated to see how this all works out.

    And slightly offended that I am an amazing Siren and yet he would chose anything with eiher one of these women over a chance to maybe have something with me!

    Would love to know what Sirens think about all this? …



  475.  #475DE on June 5, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Lilybelle:

    Well, darling this is the time to find it 🙂 explore yourself…:) i would start with a mirror…walk naked around the house, touch yourself…be u best lover 🙂

    Warm hugs,



  476.  #476FlowerChild77 on June 5, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    #448/Lilybelle

    I do consider it. Over and over and over. And then I come here and read about men stepping up to claim a woman and doing all the work and us leaning back. (I think I leaned pretty far back when I left!)

    He does all the calling unless he leaves a message and says, “Call me back.” Since I am welcome there anytime (no knocking required) I don’t expect him to invite me over, etc.

    Here’s the catch…if I do go back I don’t want to be the continuous live-in girlfriend. I know it’s just a little piece of paper, but I’d want to eventually be married. And I don’t know if that’s something he’d ever consider. Men don’t usually get to be 56 years old and never married–unless that’s what they want.

    either drawSo, I’m trying to practice FMs in my head. I will most definitely have to practice here on the blog before I actually talk about this. I’m afraid to bring it up, but then again, if I don’t I’ll never know.

    I’m thinking his reaction (even after he takes time to process it—he always needs time to consider what I’ve said and ponder it, mull it over, etc.) will let me know which direction I should be moving…

    Does any of this make sense–or do I just sound stupid?



  477.  #477Ella on June 5, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    I spoke to my mum tonight about my concerns about alcohol and also my financial worried. And I asked her for her help…

    Not that I want her to keep doling (lending) me money… but that I need to sit down and work out the figures, and a realistic plan, to get out of d