How To Be Attracted To A Good Guy

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The Question:

“Rori, I am kind of dating the stereotypical nice guy, low testosterone, borderline feminine/passive, and it’s been a struggle so far.

I do like him a lot as he is so sweet and nice, but he is waiting for me to move the relationship forward and make plans etc., he has even so much as mentioned it and it causes me some frustrations.

He would be very ‘safe,’ but he is so different from the alpha men/ high testosterone driven/ambitious men I used to date, it feels like day and night.

Not bad, just different and on occasion frustrating.

He is getting ‘better’ at initiating, making plans and asking me out, but he will often use feeling messages (much more so than me) and he is clueless as to how to move the relationship forward (and has said so much). Tina”

 My Answer:

Tina –  your situation is exactly what I want us to explore.

I would definitely see how the sexuality works – if he has any libido or drive for that at all. Some very feminine-seeming men actually have good sex drives and are good AT sex.

This situation requires creativity on your part.

Meaning – really getting down into what YOU like, what turns YOU on – rather than what we all normally do, which is sort of “wait” for some guy to “show” us what we want.

This is about owning and claiming your own desires, expressing them, working through the fear of them…

AND – it requires some research.

Not only into YOU – but into what’s available out there for you to learn.

Often – the key to the whole masculine/feminine thing is in the sex. Not the “doing” of it – because all kinds of “life” can get in the way of the “doing” – but in the wanting, in the intention, in the initiation, in the follow through, in the enthusiasm, in the desire.

We women, once we free ourselves up and work our way nutritionally and physically through times of low libido, have a naturally high interest in sex. Touch is just huge for us.

Men who have a “hormonally” high feminine side, may not have the same testosterone-driven libido we’ve come to think of as exciting – but they may have a high “connection-driven” libido – a desire to get close to you.

And that, with a bit of research and know-how, can be easily translated into “hot”! Because all you really need from him is a “desire to learn – with great enthusiasm.”

This man is not only “trainable,” he’s “inspirable.”

Another kind of man may not be so easy, though.

This second man has low self-esteem, is worried about maintaining an erection and doesn’t want to take Viagra or do anything health-wise that would improve things – and so sees sex as a “chore.”

This man is so focused on his own body he can hardly see you, and anything you bring to him to learn, try, experience is likely to be met with fear.

Yes, he may be into you, he may want to be close to you, but he has no willingness to be trained, inspired or to leap over what feels like a great chasm to him.

So many women these days are encountering this second type of man – and often in the form of their own husband of many years! Things about him when he was younger, that did not affect him in sex, now take center stage.

Now, all his personal doubts and instincts to “withdraw” show up in force because he’s more frightened of failing, and less driven by his body to go past his comfort zone.

It’s THIS man you want to explore, try out, and really get to know before you commit.

What you need in this life is a PARTNER. Someone willing to take the journey into the woods with you.

A willingness to see himself differently, and to behave differently, driven by his love for you and a desire for closeness and partnership.

Everything changes over time. The one thing that makes it work no matter what is an ability and desire to “partner.”

This is what you want to find out about in this man. Is he willing to step up now, while this is new – and yet, will he be unwilling later, when things get more challenging?

If what you KNOW you want is an inspirable, naturally and instinctively good-partnership-material man – yet you’re always feeling bored by “those kind” of “nice”men – the new Love Forever In 12 Weeks Live Coaching program is for you.

You’ll get one-on-one help in weekly classes, continual 24/7 email access to me for direct email coaching, a private Rori Raye trained coach, a special Facebook group, and so much else to help you technically, emotionally, psychologically and really – yes, really! – HAVE It All – a good man who also makes your heart sing.

Even if you already have a man who isn’t coming through for you as a partner, or isn’t lighting your fire for him.

Go here to learn about Love Forever In 12 Weeks, and grab your space!:

Give a “good man” time, give him a chance – and look for the willingness, the enthusiasm, the inspirability, the learnability.

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Tracy on March 11, 2017 at 4:34 am

    Tina, how long have you been dating him and does he pay for the dates you plan? If it’s someone I’ve dated over 4mths and he pays, I’d consider myself lucky lol. Good luck! Don’t leave him, talk to him about it no matter what.

  2.  #2Femininewoman on March 11, 2017 at 5:26 pm

    Yes for giving the good guy a chance