How To Circular Date If You’re Separated

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maninbottleThe Question:

“Rori, I don’t feel ready to be in a new relationship with anyone because of my feelings for and long-time commitment to a man I’m now separated from (hopefully temporarily) – and still want to Circular Date and online date as you teach.

I’ve signed up for and eHarmony, saying that I’m separated. I wonder how I say upfront that I am only interested in a ” coffee date” and I’m not truly available. I just don’t want there to be any misunderstanding with anybody.”

My Answer:

Great question!

If a man like George Clooney (or Jared Leto, or whoever you might appreciate on a lot of levels), who also thought you were the most wonderful, yummy woman ever!, should show up in front of you – your heart, mind and body would suddenly become available.

If you were then to deliberately shut that down in the moment because of a decision to keep to your commitment to the man you love now (even though, at this moment, he’s broken that commitment)  – you would know how deeply unhelpful that is in every way.

That would stop the next steps of your life that are unfolding from unfolding by trying to control them – even though we know that our desire to control things because of our decisions about the way things and outcomes “should” be are not always the best for us.

If the man in front of you felt to you like the worst, most unattractive character imaginable, your mind/heart/body would automatically shut down around you like a suit of armor.

And we’re working hard to prevent THAT from ever happening – no matter WHAT the man is like in front of you!  In this case, I would like you to consider still allowing yourself to take this man, who is simply a new “messenger” – in, feeling open and relaxed, and be able to share the truth:

“I don’t feel a good match here. Thank you so much for meeting with me, and I’m going to head out now…”

No matter what – you are not “fooling” anyone, you are not “hurting” anyone.

You are allowing this to unfold.

Your profile says “separated.” That’s enough info.

Here are some things you can say if they ask further:


You do NOT need to share what you believe to be your state of mind about this as though it is written in stone – because it is subject to change.

If your choice is to “not make yourself available” – across the board – in advance – you make it impossible to practice saying the truth in the moment, experiencing new things, and, yes, being available on all levels to a man who might be very right for you at this moment in time – even as a friend.

Openness and availability to love are the ticket. Don’t let your fears deprive you of that great attitude, and all the learning and potential happiness that comes with it.

Love, Rori



  1.  #1April Rose on March 27, 2014 at 10:23 am

    “If a man like George Clooney (or Jared Leto, or whoever you might appreciate on a lot of levels), who also thought you were the most wonderful, yummy woman ever!, should show up in front of you – your heart, mind and body would suddenly become available.”

    Hee hee. Yes, yes. Staying open, warm and available.

    Even in the way Cherry Norris once put it for me when I said I was bonded to my boyfriend “Be open to being stolen!”

  2.  #2Liquid Light on March 27, 2014 at 10:36 am

    To me, I feel uneasy about dating someone who is separated. I just feel a bit more guarded or something so I’ve been avoiding it.

    Big potential red flag…but then again it might be my fears speaking.

    Seems to me, though, there are plenty of single/divorced/widowed men out there so why bother spending time and energy on a separated man?

    What do you all think?

  3.  #3Lisa on March 27, 2014 at 10:59 am

    @LiquidLight I agree! I stay away from seperated men… have since I began dating…and the one time I made an exception with “D” ( and there was no sex involved) I could clearly see he just wasn’t in a space to be dating someone who wanted a long term relationship… He finally came to that conclusion himself and talked to me about it… he was a really GOOD man. Just not for me..

    I would circle date by getting involved with meet-up and such and meet men that way and get conversations going and then meet for coffee or tea… but let them know your not interested in anything physical…but that is my thoughts…

    I had more stuff come up… hurray! I had a belief come up that “I have to be Strong”.. and I did the work on it and WOW!! It was amazing!!! totally Amazing… I could feel how free and open and breathing deeply and blissful I felt…. when I did the turn arounds… and I can see how that belief would bring to me men that want a strong woman… I’m feminine and I can do the tools good, but even with my soft feminine outer persona that deep core belief that I’m the one that has to be strong ( b/c of my childhood being so violent and me being the only sane one in the house) keeps me attracting men that are victims and want a woman to coddle them and help them heal!

    It feels awful to me when men say that to me… as if what I went through was so much less traumatic then what they went through and they actually say to me ( be easy on me I’m fragile) omg! I went through my own healing and I didn’t have anyone to coddle me… and here is a grown man asking me to be easy on him b/c he is fragile… it feels yukie… just eeeww..

    I mean I can be a supportive partner and cheer him on in his healing process, but I’m not going to coddle them and dive into their stories of woe and victimization of their past women who treated them so terrible… It’s like Graham White says, they need to learn to be strong and grow themselves up…. I don’t wish to be the strong one… I can be feminine and powerful in a feminine way, but I’m not going to be their nurse maid and feel sorry for them while they heal and one really important part to that is, they WON”T heal as long as someone is there helping them keep their story of woe is me…

    The important part of this for me is… that although I’m a huge feeling person, there is still part of me that was shut down at age 6 b/c I had to be my parents therapist and the peacemaker so I learned to help everyone deal with their pain and troubles and I learned to stuff my own and become a great problem solver … be in my head… b/c that was my safe place in my head thinking all the time…

    I’m moving old worn out beliefs very quickly…


  4.  #4Leigha Baker on March 27, 2014 at 11:40 am

    Lisa – it’s so great to read how you’re processing your thoughts, feelings and beliefs around what kind of men you’re attracting and what kind of man you want to attract.

    I can totally relate to that icky feeling of meeting men who said similar things (about being wounded and hurt) and it was such a turn off for me. I just knew that’s not what I was looking for. I believe we can still stay open (strong surrender) and just know we’re not a match for a man who wants to be coddled.

    Keep believing in what you want. 🙂

  5.  #5April Rose on March 27, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    LL and Lisa,

    The advice in this article is for the woman who is separated, and who is hanging onto hope of reconciliation (and therefore closing off her options).

    I totally hear you about seperated men, but that’s a different topic.

  6.  #6Turquoise on March 27, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    Sirens, I’m heartbroken. Sweetheart died today. I think it was suicide, but there will be an autopsy. I’m so glad I found a way to stay his friend after he told me he was gay. I tried to be supportive. I just saw him Sunday… He didn’t look that great, said he’d been feeling depressed, but I did t see this coming. 🙁

  7.  #7Senior Lady Vibe on March 27, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    I dated when I was separated.

    Rori says: “…and, yes, being available on all levels to a man who might be very right for you at this moment in time – even as a friend….”

    SLV says: Being open to meeting new people is a good thing. Meeting new women and men in social groups or “meetups” might be easier and less stressful for a newly separated women. If the separation is an old one; it’s time to put some thought to resolving it, one way or the other: active reconciliation or divorce. “Married but separated” is “no man’s land.”


  8.  #8Liquid Light on March 27, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    OMG Turquoise, how tragic!!! So sorry for your loss.


  9.  #9April Rose on March 27, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    Oh my word ((((((((((((((((Turquoise)))))))))))))))))

    I feel shocked and sad.

  10.  #10April Rose on March 27, 2014 at 2:52 pm


    Thank you for this comment. It does feel like a limbo. My partner is still separated, not divorced, five years on.

    ” “Married but separated” is “no man’s land.”

  11.  #11Cupcake on March 27, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    Oh, Turquoise.

    I’m so sorry this happened.

    You and Sweetheart are both in my prayers.

  12.  #12Hopeful on March 27, 2014 at 3:21 pm

    It is funny, I am getting divorced, though I am technically stilled married. We have lawyers and are close to finalizing the split.

    I am just starting to meet guys through meetups, and, gulp, bars. Where do you meet nice guys?

    I met a really nice guy last Thursday when I met a girlfriend for drinks at a bar. I actually met his two friends first, then he showed up (he is not a regular), and we started chatting and flirting. I was coming back the next night for a meet up, so he decided to meet me Friday too.

    I was so super nervous and did not come off and easy going and fun and flirty as the night before. I am so out of practice. Any way, later in the night, he asked me if I had ever been married, and I had to tell him that yes, I had been married. And I told him how long, and that we were in the close to completing the negotiations for the divorce. Then he asked me if I was ready to date already. (We decided to split up last August). And I said Yes, because I spent so much time during the marriage grieving it because I was the only one working to save it. He felt bad hearing that. He said he was a mess during the first year after his divorce.

    But he still asked for my number, and said he would call the next day. Well it has been several days and the phone has not rung. Seems like being recently divorced, or not completely divorced is a red flag for this man. But who knows what really spooked him.

    I know that a guy will call if he is interested. I know I should cut my losses and move on, but part of me wants to call him when this divorce is final and test the waters. Thoughts on this?

    I really cannot wait to be divorced. Friends have asked if I will have mixed feelings when I sign the final papers. And I say No! All I will feel is relief. I spent 4 years working so hard to save the marriage and 4 years crying at home, in the car, and sadly in my office at work. I felt so incredibly alone. Now at last, I am by myself, by do not feel nearly as alone as when I was living with him.

    When this divorce is all signed and done, I am taking myself on a one week trip to the Caribbean by myself. I just want to sit on the beach and be me for one week. I chat easily with people I don’t know, and I will be just fine. Probably will go to an all inclusive resort for the safety of it. And won’t go to clubs at night. Unsafe. Probably won’t even leave the resort/hotel.

    Any suggestions of what area I should go to? I was thinking perhaps an island in Mexico. Please do send me suggestions of a safe place for a woman to go by herself that is not expensive.

    Would love to hear from others how you tell a guy that you are still married, but getting divorced, without scaring the dude away.

    Thanks in Advance.

  13.  #13Liquid Light on March 27, 2014 at 3:37 pm

    Hopeful, I love your spirit that shines through in your post. Your trip to Mexico sounds fantastic, and I love how you want to go alone and know you will be fine and have a good time. Inspiring! 🙂

  14.  #14prplpsn28 on March 27, 2014 at 5:17 pm


  15.  #15Syreena on March 27, 2014 at 5:37 pm

    Felt sad to hear your news Turquoise.

  16.  #16Violette on March 27, 2014 at 5:38 pm

    Leigh Baker thank you for your encouragement in the last thread. On this site I see attractive men…but the ones writing me are…unattractive to me in various ways. Not all, just most, and so slow to communicate about getting together, ugh. I don’t want to be too open, I had such a bad experience in Okcupid. I’d really like to be communicating with men who seem to have potential…

    But it’s a one week trial, I guess it can’t hurt to playfully flirt, heck, they may never ask me out anyway.

  17.  #17Dominique on March 27, 2014 at 5:51 pm

    Hopeful – 12 – I was two weeks out of my house, not divorced yet though papers had been filed, when K and I were fixed up on a blind date. Turns out we had known each other tens years before. And yes this did give him pause, but he must have felt somewhere, somehow that the marriage was truly beyond over and done with, had been for several years.

    So not all men will be turned off by this. Mine wasn’t, and I feel sure he’s not the only man like this.


  18.  #18Dominique on March 27, 2014 at 5:53 pm

    Violette – 16 – It’s all practice and experimentation to see what feel good to you and what doesn’t. And since it’s a one week trial, you have nothing to lose.


  19.  #19Turquoise on March 27, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    * I did not see this coming

    Thank you sirens. I feel devestated.

  20.  #20Leigha Baker on March 27, 2014 at 5:59 pm

    Turquoise I’m so sorry for your loss, sending you lots of love

  21.  #21Rori Raye on March 27, 2014 at 6:02 pm

    ooo – Turquoise – so sorry. All my love to you and Sweetheart, Rori

  22.  #22Leigha Baker on March 27, 2014 at 6:06 pm

    Violette, I was the queen of online dating. I can totally relate to the world of online dating and how cut throat it can be. Sorry to hear you had a bad experience.

    I was doing so much online dating (for years on at least 3 dating sites) I thought for sure that’s how I would meet my husband but we actually met on a blind date! It was pretty crazy.

    I think staying open to all possibilities is the most important thing. And you’re doing it!! 🙂

  23.  #23Femininewoman on March 27, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    OMG!!! ((((((Turquoise))))))) So shocking. I can’t forget a gay man I met some years ago. He left me with the feeling that he hated himself so much he hates the ground he walks on. He told me I don’t understand. He is not gay by choice like he wish he was otherwise. Sometimes I feel so confused about these things.

  24.  #24Femininewoman on March 27, 2014 at 6:14 pm

    Hopeful I don’t believe a person can lose what they never had so no loss there. He knows you are not “single” so why would he hurry any way. Also he is aware how he felt during his divorce so maybe he thinks someone going “through” might need time and space and cannot be hurried. Maybe he is just be realistic and logic

  25.  #25Dominique on March 27, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    Love to you Turquoise.


  26.  #26JeanMarie on March 27, 2014 at 6:28 pm

    For question – how to date when if you are separated – it might feel more comfortable to you – for now – to “date” yourself. (as rori suggest in her programs). To take yourself out and dress up and enjoy and feel warm and pretty and good. Not with the idea of meeting men – but if that happens – good for you!
    maybe more to feel good again about yourself, to take care of yourself, enjoy yourself, love yourself, have fun in your own company. To practice all the rori techniques – the dance, leaning back, waterfall, open heart, siren, flirting! and feeling warm and sexy! and when you feel more comfortable – maybe then, think about circular dating and online dating. When you feel more ready. You just might find that once you start dating yourself – you will slowly learn to let go of what you are holding onto(a man you are separated from) because you might be making him the center of your life when he is not doing that for you. so you should make you the center of your life. Online dating – UGH!!! I agree with everyone, it has been a long and hard road! so many years of trying and no success! so many men emailing over and over and soooooo frustrated at trying to get to a coffee date! it feels so ridiculous. I am sure its my age. I just turned 60 but everyone thinks I am 50. still the younger guys want girls in their 30’s and the 60+ guys are all retired and wants someone with money and to travel(I still have to work!). I feel time is slowly ticking as to if I will find someone for the rest of my life!

  27.  #27Violette on March 27, 2014 at 6:33 pm

    Thank you Leigh Baker and Dominique. It’s all about keeping may approach playful, I know that will bring in hotter guys for me. I guess I am willing to explore men who are not ideal, as long as they are nice, NOT MEAN.

    If they happen to be older, handsome, established in their career, have money, and be creative types who kiss well…all the better!

    What about the guys who just…like your picture, rather than sending an email. I’ve been ignoring those, but then I looked at one of them and he was pretty attractive, is it worth replying to that? Any thoughts from you online savvy ones?

  28.  #28Violette on March 27, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    I just went ahead and “winked” at the attractive one, gosh, I feel all twittery and scattered, kind of awful and excited really. Waiting to see if he responds again, no good…

    Time to love me. Love love love me, turn the computer off, regroup. Let them come to me.

  29.  #29Luzydel on March 27, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    Feeling sensitive today; had a rough week. I was trying to beat myself up for reacting towards something cutecd said; truth is he was a little inconsiderate and perhaps I should have acted different, but I am not bad or “crazy”.

    Tried to get back to POF but when I searched It was the same old men from a year ago. I am dating myself for now. I need a man that can wow me. I am tired of the same old, same old…

  30.  #30Violette on March 27, 2014 at 7:15 pm

    Wow, the guy I winked at wrote me an email, and said he would ask me out but he was going out of town on Sun! I feel so insulted. Grose, like the winking thing is really only for the guys who aren’t serious. ICK!

  31.  #31Violette on March 27, 2014 at 7:17 pm

    Online dating feeling difficult. Still on compute, must turn off.

  32.  #32Amazed on March 27, 2014 at 7:36 pm

    Omg Turquoise…I am sooo sorry..(((((hugs))))) I have been following your story with Sweetheart and I can’t imagine what you are going through. 🙁 I’m so so sorry… <3 <3
    I want to share my story.. I have been separated for a year and a half…separation papers still not signed because of procrastination on my ex's part. I left him due to a numher of reasons and with kids and houses involved it's been complicated. Anyway last spring I felt it was time for me to meet new people. Went on POF and I wish I had Rori's tools to help me then. Anyway I didn't circular date and just had one boyfriend at a time. They were cool with me just being separated because I know now they were not in it for the long term. The man I am with now had a big problem with it..because he cares so much for me. He keeps saying he can't marry me because I am already married. I don't feel like I am still married because I was done with the marriage long before I moved out but yes technically I still am. It's hard to explain though and we started seeing each other over a year after my separation. Anyway the papers are almost ready to be signed and will be filing for divorce ASAP. May not be getting married that soon after since he hasn't said that he loves me yet. It's so nice to be with someone that I love..I don't know if I had even loved my husband. I had gotten married way too young..I didn't know who I was. My man now has realized that I am not going to go back to my ex..that it is over and has been for a long time. So I am glad he didn't get scared off..I do believe he's the one and when you meet the one he will always be there.

  33.  #33Amazed on March 27, 2014 at 7:36 pm

    Omg Turquoise…I am sooo sorry..(((((hugs))))) I have been following your story with Sweetheart and I can’t imagine what you are going through. 🙁 I’m so so sorry… <3 <3
    I want to share my story.. I have been separated for a year and a half…separation papers still not signed because of procrastination on my ex's part. I left him due to a numher of reasons and with kids and houses involved it's been complicated. Anyway last spring I felt it was time for me to meet new people. Went on POF and I wish I had Rori's tools to help me then. Anyway I didn't circular date and just had one boyfriend at a time. They were cool with me just being separated because I know now they were not in it for the long term. The man I am with now had a big problem with it..because he cares so much for me. He keeps saying he can't marry me because I am already married. I don't feel like I am still married because I was done with the marriage long before I moved out but yes technically I still am. It's hard to explain though and we started seeing each other over a year after my separation. Anyway the papers are almost ready to be signed and will be filing for divorce ASAP. May not be getting married that soon after since he hasn't said that he loves me yet. It's so nice to be with someone that I love..I don't know if I had even loved my husband. I had gotten married way too young..I didn't know who I was. My man now has realized that I am not going to go back to my ex..that it is over and has been for a long time. So I am glad he didn't get scared off..I do believe he's the one and when you meet the one he will always be there.

  34.  #34Millie on March 27, 2014 at 8:19 pm

    Turquoise, so sorry for your loss 🙁 hugs to you, suicide is so tragic.

  35.  #35Millie on March 27, 2014 at 8:49 pm

    I feel myself very triggered. But what else is new….
    I triggered myself by seeing Mechanic. Now, I feel myself going back to my dark place. And…I don’t want to go into my dark place! Not because I don’t want to feel…but because the dark place doesn’t help me, it doesn’t serve me. So, as I was driving home from work today I had a conversation with myself and while this may be Rori Level 1..bear with me…

    I feel triggered and anxious. I feel myself resorting to bad habits that I have bee working to get away from. I feel disconnected from taking care of myself. I haven’t eaten well this week, I reached for a cigarette, I stayed in bed until the minute I had to leave for work, I didn’t do my hair or make-up for work. This is not a happy me. I am not happy. I feel the urge to reach out to men because contact from men makes me feel happy. Male attention makes me feel happy. But reaching out for contact is temporary fake happiness. It’s not real. Because are they going to contact me tomorrow? No. Or the next day? Probably not. Because I feel sad, I’m looking to feel happy, and I think that talking to a man is going to make me happy, but it doesn’t. Because it’s not real. Real is making me happy doing other things, taking care of myself. I don’t want to be in the dark place, where I don’t take care of myself.

    Ok, next: The Mirror concept. I SO WANT to get this.
    So the mirror is…the man is reflecting how you treat yourself? What your masculine energy is doing? Right?
    This has already been said by other Sirens, but is the message Mechanic is sending me…that I feel less than? The curious thing is though, he doesn’t seem to be someone that feels less than. In fact, he comes across and very self-assured, confident, he is a do-er, a solution guy, he doesn’t waste time, he likes a challenge, he’s very black and white, he’s been hurt, and hasn’t had a girlfriend for six years. He’s a flirt, he loves women, he seeks knowledge to heal himself. I can see that I am attracted to him because I WANT to be like him, but I can’t see how he is mirroring me. The strongest point here, that I’ve said before, is that I envision this amazing, siren, with boundaries who makes him work hard to get her, is the woman he wants and I don’t feel like I’m that…yet. However, he has validated me in other ways. Clearly, I’m seeking validation. But I don’t see that in him. He was married, the woman cheated on him. He left. The other gf he told me about was a drug addict who kept taking his money and suspected he was cheating all the time. Not a good history. How is this relfecting me??? Does this mean I am attracted to men that choose woman who abuse them because I abuse myself???

    Anyway, this is a lot of food for thought. But I’d like to get to the bottom of this. The self-worth issue is obvious, but I’m done with the dark place….no more dark place as a solution.

    Long post, but I’ll add–I went out last night and chatted with some guys. I was alone, so it was nice to be approached. Neither asked for my #, but I did get walked to the car, which was very gentlemanly!

  36.  #36Turquoise on March 27, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    Thank you everyone. I’m really going to miss him. He was my friend and I loved him. He loved me the best way he knew how. I just don’t know how much more I can take. This yeR has been one awful thing after another. I thought 40 was going to be great. Just seems the older we get the more loss and pain to suffer.

  37.  #37Andrea on March 27, 2014 at 9:16 pm

    Tonight… a new cd.. Ed.. called me. He’s the guy I gave my card to about three weeks ago but one of my girlfriends got aggressive and monopolized his attention that night.
    I simply gave him card, explained to him that we were out with the girls and told him I would feel great if he called me.
    He called me last week on Saturday, asked me out for Saturday night. I told him, “ooh Ed, I feel so wonderful that you called but I’m busy tonight. I need at least two nights notice. What do you think.”

    He called me tonight. He said, “I want to know if you are open this Saturday. I’d like to take you for dinner.”

    I said, “Oh my Gosh… Oh Ed!! Oh I feel so heard. I feel so cherished by you. Remember last week I said I need at least two nights notice? You heard me!!”

    He flustered.. “Well, I try to make a woman happy.”

    I said, “Ed, I feel so excited. Where are you going to take me?”

    He said, “What about Applebees? Do you like Applebees?”

    Heehee… (honestly, what do I care? but no I dont’ like Applebees.)

    I said, “Ed, you know, I just feel like letting loose. I just feel like being happy and feeling joy and I want to have a really nice drink on Saturday. Can I get a really good drink at Applebees?”

    He said, “Sure.. I think… Yeah… A good drink??”

    And I said, “Oh Ed, and you know what? I just feel like biting into a big juicy red steak. I just feel like tearing my teeth into a soft sumptuous juicy steak. Would you be able to get me a luscious juicy steak from Applebees?”

    He said, “Oh wait a sec, there’s this great restaurant in (such and such town) that I know of. They have the best steak.”

    I said, “Ed, I just feel like you know how to take care of me. I feel like I can count on you to take me to exactly the type of place I want to go. Will you take me to this restaurant and get me a juicy steak? Oh Ed… I feel so wonderful all the sudden. I feel so much anticipation for you coming to pick me up and take me out and get me a steak. I feel so good already about saying yes.”

    And he just gushed and told me how he knows I’ll have such a good time with him. He told me he knows I made the “right decision” in saying yes to him. And he’s going to get me the biggest juiciest steak I ever ate. : )

    So…. Date with Ed on Saturday night. I do feel good about it. I feel great!!

  38.  #38Andrea on March 27, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    I dear God… I just plopped on here with out reading the other posts and threw up my news…

    Oh Turquoise… Oh honey!! I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry just for the tackiness and lack of respect my post showed.

    I feel so strange about it. I just want to say I’m sorry and I’m proud of you for being able to live your authentic self through out with your connection with him. You were always YOU… and I’m not sure anyone could ask for a better friend.

  39.  #39CurvySiren10 on March 27, 2014 at 9:39 pm

    OMG Turquoise, I am in shock hearing this news about Sweetheart. Poor man. I am so glad to know you showed him kindness and compassion even after he hurt you. Poor soul. I feel so bad for both of you…sending lots of love. You have been through the mill this past year. xo

  40.  #40Liquid Light on March 27, 2014 at 10:28 pm

    I rewrote my profile and posted new pics from my photo shoots. I used tips from the woman in the video that deconstructed Match and kept it more generic and used words like “love” and “fun” and “laugh”. I also used “feel” a lot. And since everything feels magical to me right now, I used “magic” as a theme in my profile.

    I just got an email from someone who said that he loves my profile. I’ve never had someone say that to me before!

  41.  #41Leigha Baker on March 27, 2014 at 10:36 pm

    Violette…that’s exactly what I would’ve done.

    I don’t think he meant to make you feel icky. I’m surprised he emailed you to tell you he was going out of town. I wouldn’t make it mean anything.

  42.  #42Leigha Baker on March 27, 2014 at 10:38 pm

    Liquid Light…that’s so exciting!! It always feels so good to see instant results like that!!

  43.  #43Leigha Baker on March 27, 2014 at 10:40 pm

    Andrea…WOW!!! You’re amazing at these feeling messages and expressing yourself!! You’re a natural, I’m really impressed! 🙂

  44.  #44Veronica on March 27, 2014 at 10:52 pm

    ((((((Turquoise)))))) I’m so sorry this happened. I feel relieved that you got to connect with him again on some level before this happened. I feel sad knowing that he couldn’t find peace, it frightens me and reminds me how fragile we can be.

  45.  #45Sirenity on March 28, 2014 at 5:15 am

    Turquoise..this is very sad news. I know you cared for him and wanted him to be happy. I am thinking of you .

  46.  #46Veronica on March 28, 2014 at 7:01 am

    I went to the gallery today, and the guard actually approached me and was so kind, he remembered me from the other day, he said he remembered my smile. I was gobsmacked, his noticing of me was kind, as in, you really like this exhibition, please enjoy, please take photos. I should definitely smile more often. I am so pleased with how this all happened, so much positivity here. And my hair looks cute today.

  47.  #47Violette on March 28, 2014 at 7:36 am

    Thanks again for the feedback Leigh Baker.

    I feel disappointed by the men who are contacting me. They are soooo not even in my social class, if that makes any sense. And I see attractive guys on the site…I’ve toyed with contacting them. But I’m afraid that wouldn’t feel good. I wish they would write me.

    Letting go. This is exactly why I’ve avoided online dating for this long.

  48.  #48BeLoved on March 28, 2014 at 7:51 am

    I feel my heart swelling and going out to you.

  49.  #49BeLoved on March 28, 2014 at 7:55 am

    Millie – I felt excited reading your riff! Soo goood!

    I feel curious and am wondering, whether Mechanic might be reflecting a part of you that hurts and feels unlovable, that isn’t ready/willing/able to commit to you?

  50.  #50Shannon P. on March 28, 2014 at 7:55 am

    Turquoise, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say, except that I grieve with you. </3

    Millie, I also don't know what to say to you about the mirror concept right now. I feel very rushed, and don't have time to articulate what came up for me.

    But I want you to know I read it and you're also in my thoughts.

    Much love to all the ladies here. I've got an orientation at a temp agency today so I'm mad busy getting ready for it. Hope to have good news later… send me happy vibes!

  51.  #51Andrea on March 28, 2014 at 8:24 am

    Leigha Baker, I practiced a lot. I also have Rori’s Love Scripts workbook and I definitely “worked” it.

    I used to kind of feel embarrassed… like… “this isn’t really me, I’m putting on a show speaking this way.”

    Then one day I realized.. “Wait, that’s opposite, this is the REAL me. It’s just how I feel and I’m communicating how I feel in the moment. It’s the most authentic me ever!”

    Then I just embraced it. I “feel” all over my facebook posts, my talks at school, my conversations with friends, my contacts with men. And If I don’t feel anything, I just don’t respond. I just smile and open my eyes real wide and wait.

    It feels lovely. I feel like I have created my own little magical sphere of the universe called Andrea’s Place and I am free to share, speak, feel, say, sing, dance whatever I want in my place. And I feel safe here and wonderful and I never have to leave because wherever my heart is, that’s where Andrea’s Place is. So the language of “I Feel” is the language here.

    And instead of me going OUT of my place to get people…. people just come to me when they want to and I invite them in… if I want to. I like feeling like this. no… I Adore feeling like this. I feel cherished and loved and accepted by me all the time.

  52.  #52Shannon P. on March 28, 2014 at 9:22 am

    I want to pop on for my last few mins here before leaving and say something to HOPEFUL.

    What I’ve found really helpful, is that I just lead off with how long I’ve FELT single… “Gosh, I feel like I’ve been single for 8 years! I suppose you might say that it’s only been a few months, but I don’t think you could prove that by me!”

    I find that putting the feeling part FIRST seems to completely deflate the rest of their concerns. “I feel like I’ve been single for years. I sometimes forget that the paperwork won’t be finished until next month, I’ve felt single for so long!”

    They THINK they want numbers, so it’s up to you to give them what they REALLY want.. they want to know you feel over your ex. That’s the real question behind the question, and if you understand that, then it becomes easier to answer with how long you’ve FELT single instead of the legal technicalities.

    Oops, gotta jet! lol

  53.  #53Amazed on March 28, 2014 at 9:33 am

    That’s awesome Andrea…I feel happy and relaxed reading about your world. I am going to try to make my world more like that. 🙂

  54.  #54Amazed on March 28, 2014 at 9:37 am

    So true Shannon…I was separated physically from my husband for 8 mos when I decided I was ready to meet new men. However I have been separated mentally for years from my husband in my heart. It really doesn’t matter when my separation papers get signed and the divorce is finalized.

  55.  #55Liquid Light on March 28, 2014 at 9:56 am

    Shannon, good luck!

  56.  #56Dominique on March 28, 2014 at 10:32 am

    Millie – 35 – A man’s personality isn’t necessarily mirroring yours back to you. We tend to be attracted to and attract men who bring up things in us which need healing, usually if not always childhood wounds. Love especially will bring up anything unlike itself to be healed. If you’re aware of this, great healing can be done. If you’re both aware, incredibly profound and intimate relationships can be created.

    The mirroring is more often applicable situationally, eg. you feel sure your man is being weird, off, distant when it’s actually you feeling weird, off, distant. You would have been projecting what you’re feeling onto him.

    Does this clarify more?

    In Mechanic’s case, he could be demonstrating aspects you want to develop in yourself as well as aspects you would rather avoid going forward. He’s here to teach you something, to help you grow and learn. Can you see this?


  57.  #57Daria on March 28, 2014 at 10:39 am

    yay i feel so twinkly that a woman is alwAYS Open to being stolen and this is a healthy thing

    hahaha this crazy opposition mirror game

  58.  #58Daria on March 28, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Turquoise Im so sorry 🙁


  59.  #59Daria on March 28, 2014 at 10:58 am

    Andrea beating up on herself about writing about herself first triggered me. I’m feeling unsafe guilty and to shift back to self-focusing in my writing

    i feel sad

    i wwant to shift to self focus to feel good focus. no matter what.


    “ooh i feel so wonderful that you called but I’m busy tonite. I need at least two night’s notice… what do you think?”

  60.  #60Hopeful on March 28, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    Liquid Light, Feminine Woman, Dominique, and Shannon P: Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your comments and do need to work on my response when a guy asks me if I have ever been married (or similar).

    In some ways, I think that dude was just a practice dude for me, but I really liked him. Perhaps someone else will show up soon, and I will forget him.

    But I am new at this stuff. I kinda want to wait a couple weeks or a couple months and call him and test the waters (he is not a texter). Does anyone have any luck with reaching out to a guy? Or should I just cut my losses and move on?

  61.  #61Dominique on March 28, 2014 at 12:36 pm

    Hopeful – If you can reach out to him with heart and mind open wide and in curiosity, i.e. NO expectations, no agenda, no hope for anything from him at all, not even a response, then YES, go right ahead.


  62.  #62Liquid Light on March 28, 2014 at 12:37 pm

    Yes Hopeful I second what Dominque said!

  63.  #63Liquid Light on March 28, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    Abundance everywhere, in love (5 dates lined up in the next 5 days!), in work possibilities, I’m experiencing so much abundance! Its kinda freaking me out and is feeling stressful. I need to remember that abundance is a good thing!

  64.  #64Millie on March 28, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    Thanks Shannon and Beloved! I felt good riffing too. It is really exciting to realize things about yourself…more exciting thsn texting a guy!

    Dominique– yes, thst makes sense. He definitely represents a person I want to be like. It makes me feel good when he says I’m like him and confides in me. I want to be a trustworthy person. Through him I see the person I want to be. He inspires me. Maybe that is the message.

    Beloved, you may be right! He may be reflecting the part me that I think is lacking. Iim feeling like his presence is also here to show me something about sex.

  65.  #65Daria on March 28, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    feelin so glad i downloaded that Rori bonus book Navigating Love

    rori words and images feel so comforting and tranforming… mmmmmmmm

  66.  #66Millie on March 28, 2014 at 12:58 pm

    Liquid Light how exciting!!!!!! 5 dates in one week! I need to catch up 😉

  67.  #67Daria on March 28, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    i feel sad
    i feel confused whether my words are intended to trigger…

    or my fear of others’ triggered reactions is the reason im thinking about this feeling on eggshells and considering that im intending that subconsciously

    i intend to be honest open and loving

  68.  #68Millie on March 28, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    Oh btw I’m reading Christian Carter’s ebook…. It’s soooo much better than the Alex Carter one. I returned that.

  69.  #69Andrea on March 28, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    Oh Millie # 68 very cool. I’m starting to read that one again too. I like watching CC talk on his youtube vid’s. Woo… he is one handsome guy!!

  70.  #70Senior Lady Vibe on March 28, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    @6: Turquoise says:
    Sirens, I’m heartbroken. Sweetheart died today. I think it was suicide, but there will be an autopsy.

    Oh, Turquoise, I’m so sorry for your loss. Shocked. I made a comment yesterday and then clicked off before I saw your post which had appeared after I started.

    It’s all so sad. I know the feeling. A man I’d dated committed suicide, no doubt, gruesome and violent with a gun. It’s been decades ago but I still think of him now and then and feel a horrible leaden lump, not because we had a big love affair but I’d known him for a few years and I really liked him a lot. I won’t go into the story here but I’d model my future “sweetie” after him.

    The feelings that come up are sadness, anger and guilt. Suicide is so… final. When I think he’ll never get married, never hold his newborn, never take his grandchildren to the park, never walk among the leaves turning color, never again see the tulips arrive in spring, never hear new music that never existed before, never know the excitement of falling in love again, never have a PC or go online and He would have LOVED that!, never have an iphone, never see a Black POTUS, and so many other everyday things I treasure in my life…

    Life is so precious.


  71.  #71Andrea on March 28, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    Oh Daria 59 ((((daria))))) I know what you mean. I felt barreling truck rolling over the blog when I hopped on and posted my first post. I felt excited about myself but then reading Turquoise’ loss made me feel sad with myself for being unaware of what was going on around me.
    I also felt the sad loss of someone we’d read about for a while now. I feel happy with in myself and contained with what I post, but I do feel embarrassed for not being more open and aware about what’s going on around me.
    So loving your sharing your feelings right from the core of your being even if not all happy and light. I feel grateful to be able to trigger and get triggered and explore it all with you.

  72.  #72Senior Lady Vibe on March 28, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    @10: April Rose says:
    Thank you for this comment. It does feel like a limbo. My partner is still separated, not divorced, five years on..”

    Five years is a long time. I’d want to know why; whether it’s a logistic problem: religion, finances, something like that, or whether the guy was really not wanting to be single and available for life partnership/marriage to another woman. I wouldn’t want to guess about that.

    Either way, there’s an old saying… “blank or get off the blank…”


  73.  #73Daria on March 28, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    Andrea – ohhh i feel so triggered that you feel that way

    i want all of us to never feel that our joy is inappropriate

    or that it’s insensitive to express ourselves

    or that grief is more important than joy

    or that we should consider other people’s feeligns before expressing our own…

    i want SO much to change my experience of these patterns

    and when they show up around me i feel small and sad


  74.  #74Daria on March 28, 2014 at 1:33 pm

    i feel afraid that running into these beliefs in my environment means that there’s less room for me to express myself,

    and less safety to do so

    so sad

    nv: if other peopel are busy beating themself up, i surely will be attacked for practicing not doing so


  75.  #75Daria on March 28, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    i feel sad that Andrea is living with these beliefs

    i feel sad my mom is living with these beliefs

    i feel sad so many people are living with these beliefs

    i feel sad im living with these beliefs

    i feel sad its not more safe feeling for me

    i feel sad bec feeling sad is a safety cover for feeling scared

  76.  #76Daria on March 28, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    i feel trembly and sad

  77.  #77Senior Lady Vibe on March 28, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    @26: JeanMarie says:

    Hang in there and enjoy the ride. 😀

    BTW, I heard a delightful story a while ago on a podcast about how a woman’s 80-something father had met his girlfriend about ten years ago.

    Funny, I forgot to follow up on that particular resource… I will now… 😆


  78.  #78Daria on March 28, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    what if it was the other way around,

    and people feeling grief felt compelled to apologize for expressing it or not first checking the general mood of others

    “oh im so sorry to be expressing my pain in the midst of your joy…

    so insensitive of me! i should have checked and read first and seen yall were happy before i posted sometihng sad

    how disrespectful of me”

    i can actually see a depressed person doing that, but its much less common and it sheds light

    it helps me with my perspective

    i feel lighter

  79.  #79Daria on March 28, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    im feeling so sad now and triggered and deep into this groove of feeling disappointed and sad

  80.  #80Daria on March 28, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    i feel sad and i feel drawn to argue/help ppl

  81.  #81Mandy on March 28, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    Just wanna share a positive thing…I’ve been waiting so long to type it out…nearly a year later, and I am finally down to a healthy weight for my frame. Now I am healthy, I have normal blood pressure, I have prevented diabetes and probably lengthened my life about eight to ten years, and I do not plan on ever going above this size again, which means no sugar, no soda (not even diet), Stevia if I need something sweetened, mostly veggies and fruit, and basically I am working out and toning up now rather than concentrating on numbers.

    It’s NOT easy being around someone struggling to change their life, like quitting smoking, etc, and J had to put up with me taking forever to re-arrange my meals, begging to do exercise around him/with him, and making him taste my weird stevia – sweetened food…lol. I can tell he’s sticking with me, because I lost 45 lbs, and he didn’t freak…I despaired and told him how hard it was, but he refused to give up with me. That’s my J!

    I feel so good and pretty 🙂

  82.  #82BeLoved on March 28, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    Daria – I feel loving, sparkling cuddles for your sadness.
    My heart feels bright and shining, imagining how much you care for others and how deeply you feel life’s imperfections.

  83.  #83Cris on March 28, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    fear is difficult to overcome

  84.  #84Kyla on March 28, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    @ Andrea you move me! Your words and attitude and openness to LOVE feel awe-inspiring, spine-tingling, heart-stirring, breathtaking and simply magnificent. I can feel your light beaming in every direction like the sun.

    @ Liquid Light! I feel your sparkly MAGICAL energy and I’m intoxicated by your rollercoaster ride. It makes my heart soars with hope and joy! Oooh it feels so exciting!

    @ Turquoise, I’m so sorry and saddened to hear of sweetheart’s early exit. I’m sending you love and comfort. (((Turquoise)))

  85.  #85Kyla on March 28, 2014 at 4:05 pm

    My full name means Strong like a Rock Victorious Warrior and I’m an Aries ruled by Mars lol lots of masculine energy there for my boy energy to use!

    Well I feel like I’m living up to my name again and after a hellish year it has only taken 1 week to see and finally FEEL miraculous results 🙂 Sure every single aspect of my life has changed but I can finally say its all better than I could have ever imagined.

    I was ready to give up last week and instead I’ve managed to finish what I’d started in time to celebrate my birthday with happy kids, a place that feels like home, a healthy body and a salary that’s tripled!

    Some lovely things I did for me this week:
    – Stuck to the uber strict carb/sweetener/caffeine/alcohol/nicotine free diet to get my blood sugar under control even though I ate out several days and was surrounded by smokers.
    – Met up with friends from my last job.
    – Signed up for unlimited yoga, pilates, meditation and kickboxing classes and worked them into my schedule.
    – Had more reflexology sessions.
    – Found and booked myself an appointment with a chiropractor.
    – Made time for salt baths, skin care and got enough sleep.
    – Worked late 4 days to get caught up and took today off to go rock climbing with my daughters school trip.

    Biggest change I’ve noticed is how people around me are responding to me (including strangers and people who have previously made it known that they don’t like me!). Everyone seems happy to see me, shower me with compliments and strike up conversations. I feel more open, confident and loving and its being reflected back to me and it feels absolutely glorious.

    The snow is melting, the temperature is slowly rising, the sun is shining brighter and I’m emerging like a butterfly after a long, weird, stressful 12 month cocoon of radical change.

  86.  #86Andrea on March 28, 2014 at 4:31 pm

    Woo Hoo Kyla!! I feel so inspired!
    ((Daria)) your feelings are inspiring me as well and making me chuckle.

    I feel wonderful that I was able to express both my happy post and then my shame and then my embarassment and then my sadness.

    Because of this blog I feel that what ever I post is what I’m feeling in the moment. I was feeling excited. Then I was feeling shame. Then I was feeling embarrassed. Then I was feeling sad.

    I feel at home in wonder with ALL of those feelings. I’m not afraid to feel shame. I feel wonderful that I had the opportunity to post my excitement and then step back and post my “I feel ashamed.”

    But I never apologized. I never took it back. That’s exactly what I felt in the moment. I feel free. See? I hope so.

    I feel tugged in by your posts. I feel only wanting to smile at you but also feel a realization that this triggering is working something deep with in you and I feel glad that I got to participate.

    I feel free a lot of the time now to simply express myself. Even if what I expressed the second before is exactly opposite. I feel lovely. But ohhhh I feel sad now. I feel joy. I feel pain now. Neither is wrong or right.. they are just feelings.. right now, and now, and now.

    Now I feel too explainy… : ) have a great night everyone. I’m off to a party. Woo Hoo. I feel fun and dancy!!!

  87.  #87Turquoise on March 28, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    Thank you everyone for the support. Andrea, please don’t feel bad… I certainly wasn’t offended at all. Honestly, I did the same exact thing. I felt so blinded by my pain, I just got on the blog, didn’t even notice the title of the article, found the comment box and felt I had to share my sadness with those who had been on this journey with me. Sweetheart and I realized how important our friendship was, and not only maintained it, but talked, saw each other, laughed, confided,, he even had a candle party for me Sunday. I’m just shocked… And heartbroken. 26 years ago he kissed me under the pine trees in my front yard. We were kids… We lost touch young, and reconnected on Facebook years ago. Before he was sweetheart, he was Jason. The cute boy who I met through friends. Tonight I took food to his parents and cried with them. They told me I am part of their family. I promised I wasn’t going anywhere. It appears he died peacefully in his sleep. In my heart, I feel it was an overdose, possibly accidental, but depression had a grip on him. He went to therapy regularly, had been there that day actually. For his children, I hope it was natural causes. I just can’t believe it’s only been a day. This day… Feels like days. Monday is his memorial service, and it’s the first anniversary of my mothers death. I just don’t know how much more I can take. It’s so painful.

  88.  #88Femininewoman on March 29, 2014 at 12:54 am

    Kyla I feel so inspired by your comment. Yayy you.

  89.  #89Femininewoman on March 29, 2014 at 12:59 am

    Congratulations Mandy. I feel yayy and wanting to celebrate with you. I feel regret and shame because I have backtracked on those achievements since last summer because I had to stop exercising because of the pain from the damaged hip cartilage. I feel hopeful that one day I will again e able to take charge of my weight.

  90.  #90Millie on March 29, 2014 at 2:36 am

    Kyla that is awesome to hear!!!! Yay!!! Positive change feels so good 🙂

  91.  #91Millie on March 29, 2014 at 2:46 am

    I went out tonight to this bar I’d never been to that had an amazing swing band playing. I’ve been reading Christian Carter’s ebook and was hoping to put some of what he said into play. I think some of his advice slightly contradicts Rori…but his advice is that men like unpredicability. So when you first meet a man and want to set yourself apart, don’t go for the mundane typical “what do you do?” conversation. Spark his interest. This kind of contradicts Rori’s idea of using feeling messages and speaking only about how you feel. I kind of feel like Christian’s method makes your intention about interesting a man…rather than revealing yourself. Anyway…
    At first, no one was approaching me, which is strange because I get approached often in bars. I decided it was the crowd and not to let it get to me so I just enjoyed my friend’s company and the music. Of course I just started to dance and stopped caring who was around. Finally I did get approached. This one guy danced with me about three times, but after each dance, just said “Thank you” and walked away. The dance was so fun, but he left me no time to respond. When I went to close out my tab, he asked if I wanted a drink. I was having fun, so I said yes, but then he walked away… was odd. A couple other men chatted with me, but it was so loud in there I felt myself saying “what?” a lot and could only answer the bare minimum of words. It was too difficult to have a real conversation. At least for me. Anyway, none asked for my #. It’s hard not to feel disappointed when that happens. Like I lost some battle. But I guess that there are just nights like that. Nights where there is disconnect. I had fun though! I love dancing, that makes me happiest, so regardless of the outcome man-wise. I had fun with myself! haha

  92.  #92Millie on March 29, 2014 at 2:50 am

    I just realized something… I said “I feel like I lost some battle.” Talking to men shouldn’t feel like a battle. Clearly I am using interactions with men to validate myself as a siren. If I don’t get the results I want…I feel like I’ve lost… which means not only do I have expectations, but how I feel about myself is hinged on what they choose to do. This seems to be a running problem with me. Interesting.

  93.  #93Shannon P. on March 29, 2014 at 4:42 am

    Cupcake, I don’t know if you believe in woo-woo talents. If you do, I have one that might bring you a small measure of peace. If you’re interested, maybe you want to do it privately. You can get ahold of me at shannon at shannonphoenix com. (I don’t want bots to steal my email addy :p).

    If you don’t really believe in woo-woo talents, you can just ignore this post. I won’t feel offended. 🙂

  94.  #94Millie on March 29, 2014 at 11:45 am

    Shannon…were you addressing me?? Or did you mean cupcake?

  95.  #95Liquid Light on March 29, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    I had a date with grocery guy last night. He is such a looker! He’s a great looking guy – the stereotypical tall, dark and handsome sort of man. Gorgeous face and really smart, brilliant in fact. I just wish he had more confidence. He’s tutoring kids and does other random things. But he could easily be a professor at a university, he’s got such an absolutely incredible mind. Its just hard for me to get too excited about someone who lacks ambition when he clearly is so gifted and talented. Its too bad but I will keep enjoying his company and not really expect any more than that.

  96.  #96Shannon P. on March 29, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    Millie, I think I was addressing Cupcake. She used to date Sweetheart, who just died?

    I did have a few things to say to you, too, Millie, but it does seem like you may be processing it on your own, which is so much better. 🙂

    I do think that maybe there’s some part of you that feels like getting him to love you, will make you lovable. That if he would just love you, it would be proof that you’re desirable and fantastic. That’s just what I’m seeing from your comments, though… so clearly it could be way off base!

  97.  #97Liquid Light on March 29, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    Millie, Yeah, I love that about unpredictability. Unpredictability = Intrigue and I don’t think this contradicts what RR says at all.

    I remember reading somewhere about some advice RR was giving to a woman who wanted to get her man excited about her again (their relationship had become routine and boring), and her advice was to change everything – her routine, her clothes, her hair, her home, essentially become unpredictable! And it worked (as far as I remember.) Anyone else remember this story?

  98.  #98Millie on March 29, 2014 at 1:38 pm

    Shannon, when you said woo-woo I thought you meant wooing techniques!! Haha…..that just goes to show where my mind is at. I’m sorry, I realize I must sound so self-centered right now.

    Actually I think you are totally ON BASE with that comment!! I guess for me, it goes against my nature to believe something when there is no proof. When there is no evidence. Only evidence that supports the opposite. TIme for me to do more inner work.

  99.  #99Millie on March 29, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    Also I believe it is Turquoise, who has experienced the recent loss..

  100.  #100Shannon P. on March 29, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    Oh yes, I’m so sorry! It IS Turquoise I meant that for!

  101.  #101Tereana on March 30, 2014 at 7:38 pm

    OMG, Turquoise! I am so sorry to hear about Sweetheart : ( That is just awful… And I had missed that he came out as gay. That is wonderful that you were able to stay friends. So sad… My heart is with you.

    And I know there is a new post up. I just came on this thread to write that I liked what Rori wrote.

    Turquoise, I hope you have lots of friends around you to give you real hugs…(((Turquoise)))

  102.  #102Senior Lady Vibe on March 31, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    @81: Mandy says:
    “…Now I am healthy, I have normal blood pressure, I have prevented diabetes and probably lengthened my life about eight to ten years…”

    Congratulations on a healthier you! 😀

    I’ve slipped a bit 😳 but find your words an inspiration as I start anew April 1st, tomorrow.


  103.  #103Lotus on June 21, 2014 at 5:45 am

    I have been delving into this blog for a quite a while, it’s a bit like a sanctuary. It’s great to listen to some of the voices here. I feel appreciative and comforted by your advice Rori and have all the programs! Thank you for what you do.

    So to share a little, I am dipping my toes here now.. I too am living separately from my husband, for 6 months now. We both hope that we can get to a better place in our marriage and come back together, but it feels like an eternity.. he had an affair last year-ish with a woman in another country and still emotionally supports her via the phone. We’ve been having problems for a few years now, both felt neglected. We are getting better at talking our truths. I feel more empowered by the ‘tools’.
    He has not resolved things with her completely, yet wants to save the marriage. He’s the ‘unavailable’ Toxic man, a bit detached, difficult childhood, quite irritated with the world (politics really bother him), has basically regressed. He used to be a wonderful boyfriend and husband until he cheated on me. We have a 14 year history, started dating during University days – he’s been a major part of my life.

    These days, he’s been lending his man-power with the diy at my dad’s home where I now live, arranges to go out for drinks with me, is affectionate, texts me to see how I’m doing. I keep using the ‘feeling’ messages, but often I feel quite frustrated with him. He’s not trying to win me back, even though he told me he wants to merge our lives back together. His actions don’t match his words. So I feel fed up.. as all last year I took the responsibility of saving the marriage, and then I really listened to Rori this year,, and things have totally changed. I feel different, have healed a lot and I want to play! I want to enjoy life more, I am rediscovering who I am. And I feel a bit of glow, I have been opening up.. like a flower, softer, brighter and happier!

    For the past few months with the help of Valarie (one of Rori’s recommended coaches), I started to try new hobbies like modern jive, climbing, biodanza, running in the park.. I recommend them all!

    So to answer the original question in this post.. tired of waiting for my husband to recommit last month.. I went solo camping – to a wildcraft festival and I volunteered my creative and cooking skills, and also tried out lots of new things like salsa/dancing with men in barefeet, silent disco and dancing freely and expressively round a 8ft fire (being gazed at by men), gazing at the stars in an open fire- feeling wondrous and open, going to a midnight sauna (naked men and women present/ me in bikini!)… and I felt so open and amazing, buzzing with my own energy… I met and became super connected with a gentle and affectionate man.

    He has lit something inside me and made me realise yes I am a sexual being with wondrous deep feelings, that are positive… they had been buried inside me because my husband is more like an intense volcano which I can’t help but resist.. it’s too much. This new man is teaching me things about myself… and I feel a little scared that I can hurt this man and cause some problems because he is part of my girlfriend’s family. I know ultimately I won’t give up my husband for him.. he really likes me.. but I am trying to focus on my feelings.

    Anyway, to MEET men – it feels good to go to festivals and enjoy the activities and atmosphere – and meet men there, whether their stallholders, musicians, party-goers… good vibes will attract other men!

    I invited the new man closer by saying ‘It feels good to explore things at the moment in life, I feel happy being in the moment’ and it was up to him whether he wanted to join in with me and have fun together!

    All the best, peace and love
    Lotus xxx