How To Create Space And Make Room For Love

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Here’s a letter from Maria – and it’s all about ending up clinging to a man and how to stop doing that:

“Dear Rori,

The man I am entangled with is a very unique, magnetic and complicated fellow. He is amazing and wonderful in so many ways, but when he shuts down there is no tool that gets through.

I have recently moved in with him because I couldn’t afford my own place. For the past year he has been helping me through a lot of financial and legal stuff. He’s a “helper.” Our relationship has been on/off throughout that time. In the past when he needed his space I had my apartment to go to. Now I am in his room, his house. He clearly wants his space and I don’t know how to go back to myself in this situation.

I try not to nag him about the relationship, but it has clearly taken a turn for the worse. He has been sleeping in the other room for the past 3 nights. He didn’t even say goodbye this morning before going to work. I ask him if he wants me to move out. He says “no.” I ask him if he’s trying to push me away, he says “no.” Yet his actions tell me he doesn’t want to be with me. Some examples…yesterday he said he was going to the grocery store. It takes 20 minutes max to go get a few things. He didn’t come back for 2 hours. He went to the brewery instead.

He didn’t text or anything. When he gets home he puts all his attention on his ipad and cuts off any opening for communication. If I do say something he gives a brief and cold response.

I know that he is at times emotionally unavailable, but when he does open up and we connect it is great. Unfortunately this isn’t happening anymore. I haven’t done anything “wrong.” But I am feeling like a charity case and not like a girlfriend. I try to connect emotionally, but it keeps backfiring on me regardless of the language I use. It is peaceful in the home. We don’t yell or argue.

But it is also difficult to find myself and my own happiness again in this situation. I want more than anything to break through his guarded heart and reach him. I want to have a beautiful and fulfilling relationship with him. There is so much more to share about our dynamic.

I do see that he is a bit of a narcissist. We are both very attractive people (not to toot my own horn), but if he’s not demonstrating jealousy he is demonstrating how much he believes he’s “hot”. It seems that there is only enough room for one person to shine in his world.
Help, Maria”

My Answer:

Maria – As long as you’re living with him because you can’t take care of yourself financially – you’ll never feel strong enough to shift your “vibe” – please, please focus ALL your energy on bringing in some money so you can regain your confidence.

Spend as much time as you can away from the house doing things that feel important to you – walking, reading, studying, going to classes, trying to get work.

Set up an office or space for yourself somewhere in the house, and stay THERE or get out of the house entirely when he’s creating space for himself.

Stop trying to talk to him – and instead just smile and be available physically, sexually, as a great listener.

I’m not asking you to ignore him – I’m asking you to focus on YOURSELF and becoming more independent.

Even if you have to take a menial part-time job – do it.

Love, Rori


  1.  #1Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 6:35 am

    aaaahhh space

  2.  #2Tam on October 11, 2012 at 6:36 am

    ‘very unique, magnetic and complicated fellow. He is amazing and wonderful in so many ways, but when he shuts down there is no tool that gets through.’

    Hmmmmm. I wonder how those beliefs could be shiftet and brought back to oneself:
    ‘I am unique, magnetic and somewhat complicated in a good way. Any man would be happy to have me in his life. I choose to remove myself from the situation and become less available and not ‘work’ tools in order to get through to him. I choose me. And I will be open to those men who choose me.’

    That would feel so much better. No man is unique, magnetic and complicated enough to make me run after him.

  3.  #3Tam on October 11, 2012 at 6:36 am

    I make space! 🙂

  4.  #4Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 6:39 am

    How to create space and make room for love – Stop trying to talk to him – and instead just smile and be available physically, sexually, as a great listener. focus on YOURSELF and becoming more independent.

  5.  #5Calypso on October 11, 2012 at 7:50 am

    I require so much more space than JC . . . he seems to be learning and understanding that. I try to compromise too and give him what he needs sometimes even when my heart is racing and I feel like running. We have been apart since returning from the beach on Sunday. Tonight he has asked me to come see him at his house for some cuddle time . . . I miss him now and feel happy to go see him, but i know a couple of hours will be enough for me at his house. I’m more comfortable when we are out and about doing things – room to breathe . . . i don’t know when I got tot be this way, but understanding it has really helped me. Helping JC understand it is helping our relationship.

  6.  #6mlc on October 11, 2012 at 8:17 am

    I am about to have a conversation with my boyfriend of over a year to give us all the space we need…last week i noticed a posting on his facebook page that led me to believe he was communicating with a woman outside of our relationship in a way that made me intuitively uncomfortable. i brought this to his attention and he immediately became defensive, which i thought was odd since i hadn’t accused him of anything. i simply told him i thought her comment seemed like she was way too familiar with him and that it made me uncomfortable. he then proceeded to give me the cold shoulder the rest of the day, which i didn’t realize until i noticed he didn’t call like he normally does. so i called him. i could tell he was not happy…giving me one word answers, etc. i said are you mad at me? he said yes. apparently from the statement i made about being uncomfortable, he felt like i was trying to control him. he even went so far as to say he did not want to see me that evening. during our conversation in which i had to try really really had to keep my cool, it was brought out that he has been keeping in contact (although i don’t know in what manner) with women he met online at the same time he met me. we have been in an exclusive relationship for over a year. this shocked me. i feel betrayed and deceived. i had no idea he was developing and maintaining relationships with anyone other than me. he knew i would not like this. he knows i would have let him go rather than share him with potential love interests. this has changed my feelings towards him and about our relationship and where it is going. we have talked about marriage for a long time. this changes everything for me. i have no trust in him to protect my feelings and heart because it looks as though his desires are more important than anything. for what it’s worth, i don’t think there is anything to these “faux friendships”. I don’t believe they are anything more than an ego stroke for him. i still dont’ like it and it makes me very uncomfortable. i need to bring this subject up for discussion because frankly it makes me want to break up. it really hurts. i need advice.

  7.  #7mlc on October 11, 2012 at 8:20 am

    it feels like he knows he has a solid relationship with me, but “just in case something happens” he wants to keep these “friends” on the side. it just feels wrong to me.

  8.  #8Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 8:21 am

    mlc – have been in an exclusive relationship for over a year. this shocked me.

    Was there a verbal agreement made between the both of you about what the exclusivity looks like?

  9.  #9Tam on October 11, 2012 at 8:23 am

    mlc, yes, that would feel ‘wrong’ to me too.
    Can you bring it up with him using feeling messages in a non-blaming way?
    If it’s a deal breaker and he insists on doing this, would you be prepared to walk away?
    These are questions I have asked myself too.

  10.  #10Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 8:28 am

    Understand Men Tip #52

    Men want a relationship to be fun and endurable.

    Be sure you have lots of laughter together.
    Be sure to open a safe space for him to talk without
    being judged.
    Appreciate him.
    I look forward to hearing about your successful
    relationship with a GREAT guy!

    Sending you smiles,

    Jonathon Aslay

  11.  #11Iamabutterfly on October 11, 2012 at 8:28 am

    so, the sympathy card I sent. He texted me several times after that. I didn’t use feeling messages, I was civil, I kept it as short as possible.

    Later, I see him sitting alone, looking sad.
    *leaning forward?*

    I walk over, sit down next to him and ask him how he’s doing. He seems really happy to see me. We talk the entire time before. I stay. He mirrors my body language the entire time. I try to stay in feminine energy the entire time. I feel nervous. I feel shy. I feel soooo happy. We’re connecting and we can both feel it. He spreads his arms out and creates a private space that only we are inside.

    I feel embarassed. I’m so obviously into him, he has a gf, and I shouldn’t be sitting here talking to him.

    I keep trying to leave. He keeps asking me questions to make me stay.

    That night, he approached me. He seemed eager, excited. I was surrounded by people who were demanding my attention. He gave up and left.

    I felt soooooo disappointed.

    why why why why why why why why why why why???!!!!

    Need to focus on ME.
    Need to focus on feeling good.

  12.  #12Iamabutterfly on October 11, 2012 at 8:31 am

    found an old guy on an online thing. haven’t talked to him in three years. feel so fascinated by him. he’s one of the few older guys I ever really cared about. I loved him, because he was one of the most vulnerable, beautiful men I had ever met. He used to hold me and listen to me and buy me dinner and call and text me. but we weren’t defined or anything.

    our lives are so different now. I wouldn’t even know how to have a conversation with him now, if the opportunity were ever to arise.

    just wondering what he taught me back then, what he could teach me now.

    I feel so intrigued by my “teachers.”

    I want to understand…

  13.  #13Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Tam/mlc – the problem I see is that it is focussed on his behavior so he is showing you that his MO is to become defensive when his behavior is questioned.

    It is also not clear if you live together. If that is not the case then I am not sure I would bring up the conversation. He is mad as he confirmed. He will need to process that first before he might be able to hear anything.

  14.  #14mlc on October 11, 2012 at 8:35 am

    when i mentioned that i was uncomfortable with the comment i specifically said, i know we can’t control what we other people do, i am not blaming you….but the fact is, if he hadn’t been communicating with this person, she wouldn’t have made the “too familiar” comment. so really, it is on him. that is one of the parts that really bothers me.

    yes, he and i are very clear on what an exclusive relationship is. in fact, in the early months of our dating, he was waffly and didn’t know if he wanted to be exclusive. i said that was fine, but since we had gotten so close and had already been intimate that i was not willing to date him if he wanted to see other women too. i was willing to let him go and see what else was out there. he is the one who came back to me within a matter of days….his comment to me a week ago was “i don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with being friends with someone if there is no interest.” i don’t agree. especially since he met them on a dating site…at the same time he met me…and i say them, i dont really know how many or any details which has made my imagination run wild all week…i get the whole thing where you can see someone online and say hey how’s it going. blah blah blah….and i know you can start a relationship with anyone at any time…this situation feels totally wrong to me though.

    this is not okay with me. i am 100% in this relationship and i thought he was too. developing relationships or friendships this way just feels to me like he’s hedging his bet. this is a dealbreaker for me. trust is the most important thing. i feel like we are all responsible for our own happiness, but when we are in a mutually exclusive, committed relationship, we take on a responsibility to protect the other’s feelings.

  15.  #15Iamabutterfly on October 11, 2012 at 8:35 am

    He hangs out with the rich and famous. I’m “just making it,” and hang out with normal people. Many with low-self esteem. Many who are young and don’t know what they are doing with their lives. Some who are older and have “messed up” their lives.

    I can’t say I really know what I’m doing with my life. I’m always searching for meaning. I want higher quality friendships, relationships, with higher quality people.

    but I believe all people are of a high quality. we just need to change and grow and evolve together. to be each other’s teachers.

    I love teachers…

  16.  #16Iamabutterfly on October 11, 2012 at 8:37 am

    I want to live in a third world country until I completely break. I don’t want to be spoiled, I want to be tough, I want to be hardy, I want to be raw, I want to be so real that nothing can shake me.

  17.  #17Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Iamabutterfly – I walk over, sit down next to him and ask him how he’s doing.

    I feel skeptical about asking him how he’s doing though I am not suggesting it was wrong.

    I am just wonder if I would have shared “I feel nervous. I feel shy. I feel embarassed but feel like sitting next to you so we can talk. I feel curious and concerned about blah blah blah and wondering if you would tell me more? “

  18.  #18Iamabutterfly on October 11, 2012 at 8:39 am

    It feels PERFECT to listen to my intuition more than I listen to the advice of other people. I wish I had done it more YEARS ago. but maybe there’s a reason why I’m doing it NOW. I love NOW. NOW is all MINE.

  19.  #19mlc on October 11, 2012 at 8:42 am

    We do not live together. We stay with each other three or four nights a week. we are both totally independent.

    here is the kicker…we have been through a lot of heavy emotional situations in this relationship (all of which were his situations) dealing with his divorce (which I told him, i would not date him if he hadn’t processed his feelings regardig that. he absolutely convinced me and himself as well, l belive, that he had done that). It was a surprise to me and a surprise to him that there were still feelings and emotions he had to resolve)…Even though i didn’t like it, i cared for him and was understanding and supportive of him. We wanted to work through that together…his mother died, his son went off to college….we have dealt with a lot of stuff and i have willingly and with an open heart and mind been supportive and encouraging. he is a good person and i believe he is sincere in the things we talked about wanting in our relationship and for our future together…

    here’s another kicker…he is in the military and he is being deployed in february for up to a year. i was willing to deal with that as well.

    however, in light of recent events, i am not willing to be part of what i think of as his “cheerleading squad” even if I am the captain.

  20.  #20Iamabutterfly on October 11, 2012 at 8:42 am

    @17 Feminine Woman – I’m not really worried about that. I feel less myself when I over-think things. It felt like a natural question to ask someone I care about who had just experienced a loss.

    I find that I feel more tense when I overthink “is this the most feminine thing I can do?”

    feeling authentic works better for me…

  21.  #21Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 8:44 am

    “i don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with being friends with someone if there is no interest.” i don’t agree.

    mlc – I believe it is a bigger issue. He is obviously still online. It is about this behavior not what the woman said. I would look again at the statement above to see if I really disagree. His world would really be a small place if so. I believe it is the “dating site” fact that makes the difference.

  22.  #22Iamabutterfly on October 11, 2012 at 8:45 am

    I feel so moved. I feel so steeped in romance for myself. I feel connected to my past self, I feel connected to my now self. I feel forgiveness, awe, and wonder.

    I’ve had so much delicious reflection time. It feels so good to think about it all, to feel it all, to type about it here, even if it doesn’t necessarily make sense…

    what amazing, meaningful things in life really “make sense” anyway?

  23.  #23Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Sorry Iamabutterfly. I was just trying to see myself in the scenario to see how I try to be now.

  24.  #24Starla on October 11, 2012 at 8:49 am

    Woooo, what a doozy I’m in this week. Thinking so much about CF. and at the very least, letting thoughts of what that relationship felt like drive me to give myself those feelings through major self care and also moving away from romantic situations that aren’t giving me what I want. And at the very most, been contemplating sending him a heartfelt love letter.

    I am not going to send him this letter. I know that my CF-related inspirations must first motivate me to deepen my own journey. There is this incredible path laid out before me as a result of being with him and breaking up with him, replete with new endeavors and deeper understanding of myself and a sense of happiness and health and emotional stability that I’ve never experienced before in my life. I want to take that path. It is a gift.

    It feels so tempting to get sidetracked. It’s hard to break the long-standing belief that I need a man and romantic love in order to be ________. That I will miss out if I don’t hurry.

    So I feel like I’m standing at a fork in the road. One way leads to going back to CF (and ladies, I’ve had a long time to think, and I KNOW I can get this man back if I TRIED to.. I know his hot buttons) or whoever my forever guy may be, and the other way leads to myself.

    I feel overwhelmed with this sense that if I take the path to myself, the forks will eventually meet again at the end of the path, and I will not only have myself but also my forever guy. Whoever he may be.

  25.  #25mlc on October 11, 2012 at 8:52 am

    Femininewoman….we ended the conversation last week on a calm and positive note and we decided that we would get together that night and we got along fine even though he knew i had been upset. it’s just that the more i think about what happened, the madder i get. i did not accuse him of anything at all. i spoke to him in a calm manner and told him exactly what was bothering me. even when it came out that he had developed these friendships, i was still calm. i am so angry that he felt he had a right to be angry at ME when HE was the one doing deceitful things even if he does consider it innocent. and now i don’t trust him. now everything that used to seem innocent on facebook; him “liking” pictures of pretty girls, single women commenting on his pictures, etc….stuff that didn’t mean anything to me before now i question.

  26.  #26mlc on October 11, 2012 at 8:58 am

    we specifically agreed to shut down our dating site profiles a long time ago. there is no question about that. apparently he wanted to remain “friends” (although i don’t know how you consider people you haven’t met or talked to real “friends”) with some of them, so i guess, and it’s purely a guess, that they became “friends” on facebook. he actually said that, but i didn’t go into detail with him about it. like i said, i remained calm and tried to be logical.

    dating site, facebook, local coffee shop…it doesn’t really matter where the meeting takes place…you are correct…it’s the behavior…”having his cake and eating it too.” i just don’t think it’s right.

  27.  #27Iamabutterfly on October 11, 2012 at 8:59 am

    @23 Feminine woman – no problem. 🙂 I always feel curious and appreciative of your perspective. you’ve got some major wisdom going on! 🙂

  28.  #28mlc on October 11, 2012 at 9:02 am

    and i get that people can be friends, and i dont’ really mind that. if he’s going to stray, he’s going to stray. i don’t control him. it’s the deceitfulness and him getting mad at me that bothers me. i trusted him to take care of my heart. and now i don’t

  29.  #29mlc on October 11, 2012 at 9:04 am

    thank you for your wisdom and insight. i appreciate you and i need you.

    which is another thing that bothers me. everyone wants to be needed and wanted and loved and appreciated in a healthy way. now i don’t feel like he needs me. and i know that is my own insecurity…this whole thing has made me feel insecure.

  30.  #30Starla on October 11, 2012 at 9:07 am

    mlc, what are you doing to show love to yourself and take care of yourself right now/these last few days?

  31.  #31mlc on October 11, 2012 at 9:13 am

    I am just doing what i normally do. nothing extra, nothing more. except i have come here to get advice and support.

  32.  #32Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 9:17 am

    “Keep Your Options Open and Stop Him From Running Hot and Cold”
    By: Rori Raye

    You meet a great guy who showers you with attention and affection. He tells you how amazing you are, and you feel like all your relationship dreams are finally going to come true.
    Then, suddenly, he doesn’t call as often as he used to. Or he hesitates making plans with you. Or when he’s with you, you sense he’s not really there, and it hurts. We’ve all been there, and it feels absolutely awful.

    The butterflies in your stomach are now replaced by a gut-wrenching tension. You’re on edge, and you can only relax when he’s with you – but you never know exactly when that’s going to be. Soon, you start analyzing his every move and talking about it relentlessly with your girlfriends.

    I know, because before I learned how to deal with this, I was the Queen of Analyzing.

    Working Hard, Getting Nowhere

    I’d monitor his face for any sign that he might be going cold on me, and then I would go into what I call “over functioning.” I’d ask him where he was going, what he was thinking, and ask when we were going to see each other. I made sure I was available all the time and even planned dates for us.

    I’d try to do it in, what I thought, was a non-pressuring way. I’d ask him things out of “curiosity” or “caring”. Or just because my schedule was so busy that “I needed to know how to plan my week.”
    Four Words To Change Your Love Life

    One of the things I discovered, and made myself do, in order to get out of this self-destructive pattern was four words: KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN.

    Instead of waiting around for a man to make plans or sit around analyzing why he’s constantly coming forward and then moving away, I started going on casual dates with several different men.
    Note that I said “made myself, because I know how challenging this is! But you have to trust me (and yourself) to know that even when it feels scary to step back and take care of yourself, it’s the best – and most attractive thing – you can do.

    The most important reason for dating more than one man until you are exclusive is that it gives YOU the opportunity to find the best partner. The fact that you will become more attractive to the men you’re dating is a bonus.

    The last thing you want to do is put your life on hold and stand around waiting for one man. You’re giving him all the power. It’s like saying, “I’m so crazy about you, I’ll take whatever I can get.” And that is never attractive to a man.

    His Secret Wish

    Every man secretly wants to be with a woman who puts herself first. But he WILL take whatever he can get if you give it away freely. That’s why I say that exclusivity without a commitment is a trap. It’s great for him, but not good at all for you.

    Keeping your options open makes it possible to have what you want, and it makes it easier for the man you have to give you what you want, because it completely changes your outlook and your “vibe.” I call it circular dating, and I show you how to do it in my eBook.
    Once he sees that you’re honoring your heart, it will compel him to honor you. He’ll stop blowing hot or cold and give you the attention you deserve.
    Or, he’ll leave you alone; and you’ll find out he wasn’t worth your time and heart anyway. You just saved yourself a lot of heartbreak. And since you were keeping your options open, you have a number of other suitors who are happily standing by. Lucky you!

    I only wish I had started circular dating sooner. Because, as soon as I did, the right kind of men started showing up in my life – including my husband. It worked so well for me that I decided to create my eBook so I could share what I learned with women like you. Thousands of women have dramatically improved their relationships by using these powerful Tools. No matter how brokenhearted or confused you might feel right now, I know that what you learn in my eBook will help you create the committed relationship you deserve. I hope you’ll give it a try and give yourself the chance at finding your happy ever after.

  33.  #33Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 9:18 am

    RE 29 mlc – In my humble opinion, any sane woman in that situation would feel insecure.

  34.  #34Tam on October 11, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Starla, has CF reached out to you?

  35.  #35Tam on October 11, 2012 at 9:23 am

    My date for tonight just texted that he might not be able to make it cause his mum is sick, yeah right. Haha. Actually, no worries, I will just go back on the pier and get another fishing lesson 😉
    he he he
    I would rather CD myself anyway 🙂

  36.  #36mlc on October 11, 2012 at 9:24 am

    thank you fw…i was hoping i wasn’t insane for it making me feel insecure.

    i have tried to grow and have learned a lot from this site and from the baggage reclaim site.

    i need some advice as to how to proceed. especially in light of the deployment.

  37.  #37Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 9:24 am

    RE 26 Maybe he changed his mind. He is entitled to. So are you. I believe I would just reactivate my profile and start cdating again. If not cdate, then think about reactivating it to see what that brings up for me.

    eemm Staying calm and logical in this situation. Maybe I would get in touch with my anger.

    How I am seeing it, it is the exclusivity that is creating problems. 3 to 4 nights per week without commitment.

  38.  #38Miss Bells on October 11, 2012 at 9:26 am

    This post really speaks to me. I finally got the money, moved out, and we are still “us” only better now. This time–I won’t move back in unless it is as his wife, and I have told him this.
    There is always a way to get the space to re-focus on ourselves.

  39.  #39Starla on October 11, 2012 at 9:26 am

    mlc, in times like this it’s extra important to do nice loving things for ourselves. This way we’re not spending all our free time worrying about his stupid ass, lol. and sending love to ourselves instead.

    what do you like to do? pedicures? hiking? art?

  40.  #40Emerson on October 11, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Hi ladies I have been on a roller coaster with my job and family stuff it feels overwhelming. I don’t want to upset anyone by changing my plan…. But that is not looking out for me… I worry about what others will think. I need more time and space for myself and my needs. I want to go out with friends and have fun. I’m feeling run down.

  41.  #41Starla on October 11, 2012 at 9:27 am

    34 tam, no
    i’ve been thinking about him a lot because his sister’s 2 bestest friends have been reaching out to me all of a sudden, something they NEVER did before in my whole life. He is very very close with his sister, so it’s made me go hmmmmm

  42.  #42Miss Bells on October 11, 2012 at 9:30 am

    I am reposting this from the last thread. I didn’t get a response on that thread, posted late. It is about how to handle it when our man is weakened.
    I am truly worried about HS. Widespread sudden onset chronic muscle pain. Trouble even WALKING. He is 63.
    No sign of tick bite–so likely not lyme.
    Maybe fibromyalgia, though it doesn’t often strike older men. Polymyalgia Rhematica? Both of these are really FUNKY diseases.

    How does Rori suggest we handle this sort of thing. I don’t want to be his mommy, or immasculate him. Not being able to walk very well is doing that already. I told him I feel sad he is hurting and suggested we stick to his house this weekend. And asked him what he thinks.
    He responded that this would be very good and he has some comedies on Netflix. We’ll do take out so I won’t be over-giving.

  43.  #43Starla on October 11, 2012 at 9:31 am


    ohhh lady it’s all gonna be okay

  44.  #44Silver Moonbeam on October 11, 2012 at 9:32 am

    First of all I apologise for the length of this message but I need serious help in how to proceed with this guy. I’m not overjoyed with the messages I have sent to him so far, and I don’t know his seem a bit copy and paste to me?? BTW he is 12 years younger than me. 😀

    I would really appreciate some input of how to answer his last message, we have only been messaging this afternoon.

    J: You are truly gorgeous and also have a beautiful smile and if you want to know a little bit more about myself, I am almost 47 years old, I work finances in central London, I have 2 grown up boys and I am already a grandfather I hope that’s not a turn-off
    And what is such a beautiful lady like doing on this site?

    Me: Hello J

    It feels good to hear from you, I like it that your boys are grown up and you have a grandchild as I am not looking for anybody with young children which lots of older men have these days.

    And like you I am here hoping to find romance with my Prince Charming lol!!


    J: I am looking for my missing half, my main desire is for my partner/relationship to bring the best out of me and it be a natural occurrence, without planning, forethought or effort – when you just can’t help being better than you’ve ever been before – that’s when I’m my happiest.Some people don’t believe we can have another half to complete us, myself I do. I am a more complete person as part of a couple. I like having the closeness, being able to bounce ideas off one another joint decisions encouraging individual as well as joint pursuits.
    I am not a game player and am not manipulative – either you mutually click and want to commit to a relationship or you don’t. I am happy and settled on my own and don’t want to be in a relationship unless it enhances my happiness, not the opposite. i.e. I don’t want to be with someone just for the sake of it although it would be nice to have someone special in my life to share special moments with.
    I am new to this cyber dating world and I’m going to get serious now: I don’t play games, I’m not on here to find a sex buddy or a flash in the pan partner, I’m here for the long haul, to develop and grow with that certain someone who makes my tummy flutter when I kiss her or look into her eyes! I am impulsive but what I do ground myself on is when it comes to matters of the heart, I want so much to do things right. I don’t want to think I rushed and made a mistake. When I fall, I fall hard and I don’t want a broken heart to deal with.

    Me: I think this may be the most intense message I have received!! I am not into playing games either or time wasting. It feels good to me to meet rather than endless emails and texts where you build up a picture of a person in your mind that is usually untrue.

    I am not into sex buddies or one night stands, I am quite a serious person when it comes to matters of the heart.

    I don’t see anything personal about me in this message, what was it that interested you in my profile?

    What do you think we could have in common?

    Would the age difference bother you?


    J: First of all I dont do casual dating, cant see the point really. I have spent a lot of time single, not through choice, I guess I just havent met mrs right yet. Looks are not number one on my list of priorities. Manners, personality and a good sense of humour are. I want my heart to skip a beat when I see her,I want to get excited when my phone rings, I want to feel proud to introduce her to my friends and I just want her to love me for who I am and not try to change me as I wouldnt her .

    p.s. you look younger than me and age is not a problem. age and love there’s no

  45.  #45mlc on October 11, 2012 at 9:34 am

    fw: we are committed….well, i thought we were but reality is, if he is doing that, he is not committed. i sincerely think he believes there is nothing wrong with what he did because there is really nothing going on between him and anyone. he even said these exact words during our conversation: i am totally committed to you. but the words and the behavior are totally opposite of each other. even if it is innocent frivilous “faux friendship”. i live in the real world not some stupid cyberworld where i am a rockstar and i collect “friends”…

    we both said we wanted to see if this relationship would lead to marriage and we are taking the time to see if we are compatible.

    maybe i just think at our age (48) what we discussed wanting to see this realtionship progress to and after what we’ve been through together and what we are getting ready to go through (deployment) i feel like we either need to move forward or end it. especially in light of what just came up. in my heart, and my intuition tells me that there is really nothing to any of this. i think he likes the attention, but it’s nothing more. it was just so deceitful.

  46.  #46mlc on October 11, 2012 at 9:38 am

    re 37

    yes, he is entitled to change his mind…but he hasnt’ changed his mind, it looks to me like he is just hedging his bets…which is not fair.

    if you change your mind, so be it. man up and tell a person.

  47.  #47Starla on October 11, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Silver Moonbeam, I don’t know what the other women here will say, but I personally would just stop messaging him lol.

    but first i’d say to myself, out loud, “ummmmmmmmmmmm yeah ok” lol

  48.  #48mlc on October 11, 2012 at 9:42 am

    but there is something to it….it is now obvious that he is afraid of being alone. is that why he’s with me?

  49.  #49Silver Moonbeam on October 11, 2012 at 9:42 am

    £47 Starla

    What do you mean ummmmmmmmmmmm yeah ok?

    Where my messages to him pure crap? LOL!!

  50.  #50Emerson on October 11, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Thnks Starla
    What’s the latest with cf!?

    Hi silver moonbeam
    Wow that is quite a message he wrote! I noticed one of your replies started with “I think” and I noticed this wording is my tendency too unless I’m really focusing on feeling messages….maybe you could say “I feel inteigued to get to know you”

  51.  #51Silver Moonbeam on October 11, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Dammit I forgot to switch from my English keyboard!!

    #47 Starla

  52.  #52Starla on October 11, 2012 at 9:43 am

    no, i mean that he’s not actually answering what you’re saying, so it’s like “ummmmmmmm” to him

  53.  #53Silver Moonbeam on October 11, 2012 at 9:43 am

    #50 Emerson

    Dammit yes, me and my THINKING brain – thanks for pointing that out!!

  54.  #54Starla on October 11, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Emerson, I posted the latest in #24, but there’s nothing ACTUALLY new. Just new feelings.

  55.  #55Emerson on October 11, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Silver moonbeam it almost feels like some of his message is generic and maybe was cut and paste…? You did pick up on that and asked what it was about you that interested him….

  56.  #56Emerson on October 11, 2012 at 9:48 am

    Also silver moonbeam I am not sure how you feel but maybe just use this for practicing feeling messages even if you never end up meeting him.

    When I “meet” men online who just ramble on long messages I’ve learned they usually don’t follow thru, but I could be wrong ….

  57.  #57Emerson on October 11, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Starla I still have feelings for recycled and I know if I called him I would be having breakfast with him within a day or two … I really miss him and I feel sad that I have not been successful with cding.
    Finding CDs and cding feels realllllly hard

  58.  #58Emerson on October 11, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Sorry I’m so negative ladies I’m just really run down too much working

  59.  #59Silver Moonbeam on October 11, 2012 at 9:52 am

    #52 Starla and #55 Emerson

    Yes I am confused by this copy and paste job, at least that’s what it seems to me, in fact the only thing that is personal to me is the p.s. which obviously I likey very much. 😀

    Sooooo I won’t answer until maybe later tonight, maybe even tomorrow morning what with me being a busy Siren *cough, but where do I go with this?

    “I feel bored with long messaging and feel intrigued in getting to meet men/you/dates??.”


    “I don’t feel like writing long messages and prefer to talk on the phone, here is my mobile xxxxxxxxxx.”


    “I feel bored and like to talk personally, here is my mobile xxxxxxxxxxxx.”

  60.  #60Emerson on October 11, 2012 at 9:54 am

    53 silver moonbeam
    It’s a learning process in fact I was just trying to think of a feeling message right now and I’m blanking out…I need to keep up the practice

  61.  #61Emerson on October 11, 2012 at 9:56 am

    Hmm silver moon maybe just sit back for now and see what you come up with in the next day or so maybe he will write again or maybe you will lose interest…

  62.  #62Tam on October 11, 2012 at 9:59 am

    57 Emerson, I agree. I feel the same way most of the time and then force myself to get out and it usually turns out ok, but I do tend to miss the man more because it seems hard to find certain qualities in men….yet I am not even really looking, just practicing…CDing myself etc.
    It does feel like work but I am sure there will be a paycheck.

  63.  #63Starla on October 11, 2012 at 9:59 am

    it’s okay to be negative sometimes especially when you’re in a ‘safe place’ like this

  64.  #64Emerson on October 11, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Silver moon your feeling messages sound good

  65.  #65Silver Moonbeam on October 11, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Thanks Emerson…….I do sooo know what you mean about CD’ing being so hard, at my age it’s hard to find men that are not married or who have 2nd families and I don’t want that in my life…..

  66.  #66Tam on October 11, 2012 at 10:02 am

    65 SMB, at my age also, I am 36…and they all have small kids and a lot have baby mama drama.
    Most seem jaded.
    I want light heartedness in my life, and not being tied down by a family that isn’t even mine.
    Sounds selfish but I did it before – wasn’t fun.

  67.  #67Emerson on October 11, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Thanks Starla and Tam
    I feel like I need to make a bigggg change like maybe move away from here and start fresh but I need some $$ first so I’m working my butt off

  68.  #68Emerson on October 11, 2012 at 10:05 am

    66 I did that too Tam I was only 31 and got way entrenched with my ex and his kid and ended up raising her…so sad that I don’t ever see her now becuz she lives with her “real” mom (she’s 21 now)

  69.  #69Emerson on October 11, 2012 at 10:06 am

    I’m 40 but I feel a lot younger

  70.  #70Emerson on October 11, 2012 at 10:07 am

    I feel really stressed out

  71.  #71Tam on October 11, 2012 at 10:09 am


  72.  #72Tam on October 11, 2012 at 10:21 am

    CDBig, the cry baby, after poofing has been in touch and apologized for his behaviour. I accepted it and said that I know he is a good man.
    I have no intention of meeting him again though, he is also a hot/cold and push/pull man and I do not need this in my life anymore.
    MrP shall be renamed from ‘persistent’ into ‘poofer’, we can keep the ‘p’.
    He’ll be back too, eventually, maybe in 3 months. I am really not sure I want to stay open, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. But I don’t see much point.

    Else all is well.

  73.  #73Iamabutterfly on October 11, 2012 at 10:27 am

    @42 Miss Bells – Rori has posts about Physical Health and Chronic Illness listed in the upper right hand corner of the blog. I think they mostly deal with how to handle your OWN health, but you might find something helpful for dealing with your man’s health as well. ((((Miss Bells))))

  74.  #74Starla on October 11, 2012 at 10:30 am

    I just deactivated my online dating accounts

    i feel good, but i think i might feel better if i actually deleted them completely

  75.  #75Tam on October 11, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Starla, why? No more Cding or got so many?
    I am bored with online dating also.

  76.  #76Starla on October 11, 2012 at 10:40 am

    i think this use of my boy energy (seeking out CDing so proactively) is undermining my desire for something authentic and lovely to come to me when the moment is right.

    I think if i use my boy energy on developing myself, and letting it direct me to where i think i need to be in order to do that, he will come.

    i will still date, if i feel inspired to go out with a man when he asks me

  77.  #77Tam on October 11, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Totally get that Starla, I seem to be heading that way too. Plus here, it is very easy to meet people out and about…

  78.  #78Daria on October 11, 2012 at 10:57 am

    One of my CDs that I has grown a bit emotionally close to over the past few years that proofed over a year ago just e-mailed me out the blue 🙂


    That feels kinda nice

  79.  #79Tam on October 11, 2012 at 10:59 am

    yep, they do come back Daria…

  80.  #80Miss Bells on October 11, 2012 at 10:59 am

    I know she says stay the h e l l away from them if they are “screwing up” i.e. can’t fix the lawn mower and hollering about it, but this is different.

    As angry as I have been at him at times–it hurts to see him this way. 63 is not OLD.

  81.  #81Annie on October 11, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Tam hugs.

    764: Tam says:

    “((((Heart)))) fb is the demise of all of us. MrP is posting on common friends statuses like there is no tomorrow (he doesn’t normally) and has totally blindsided me. I find it offensive even though it has nothing to do with me whatsoever. I sunk into my feelings about that yesterday and decided to look at fb less and perhaps deactivate my account for a little. Not sure. Just rearranging my priorities.”

    Feel unsure if it will be right for you only you will know that maybe by experimenting.
    I had this last year. Saw someone I cared for deeply who claimed to be madly in love with me blah blah blah explicatively flirting with ex on FB. I had walked away from him refused to see him etc. When I saw this felt major triggered, crying buckets, my heart felt like a mirror shattering and that from just sexually flirty comments. Well I cried from the heartbreak, sank into those feelings and opened up to healing and deactivated account for a couple of days.. This is what happened for me I processed and instead of wanting him more and him being more attractive to me because other pretty girls were interested and getting his attention I ended up feeling repelled and thinking I don’t want a man like that. So Bizarre. I went out stuck to my date and had a great time felt amazing. When he next reappeared and he led me into the conversation I told him I felt repelled seeing him flirting online. He said he was sad and sorry for making me feel like that. I still refused to see him. I didn’t want to. I still cared but I didn’t want him if that is what he does. I knew that is/ was his style with women, it’s what he habitually does and what has worked for him in the past. The women want him more. Well I didn’t, I wanted him less. A complete turnaround. I miss the good stuff but there were red flags, this being one of them. deactivating helped me, sink into the feeling of heartbreak, was awful, but then so quickly got to a better place and saw things clearer.

  82.  #82Annie on October 11, 2012 at 11:02 am

    And judgment, I believe Rori says, where are we judging ourselves when this happens.

  83.  #83Tam on October 11, 2012 at 11:14 am

    (((Annie))) – thanks for sharing that.
    Hm. I feel pretty turned off now as it is actually.
    I don’t feel so open anymore and like I have given lots of chances that, in the end were not taken.
    I have always stayed open, yes I have made mistakes and have judged (I wouldn’t be so quick anymore now), and have not trusted. But in essence I have always been there. Even when I was in a relationship.
    And now I don’t feel this is helping.
    It’s like groundhog day…things might go well for a while and then he gets scared and runs anyway.
    Always has done.
    There is no reason to think anything will change.
    People can change and do change, but at the very least a man should be running in my door.
    He did last time I was here. Now he is not.
    Got to understand that this is what it is and men do what they want.
    It’s pretty simple.
    It also somehow gives me ‘permission’ to do what I want.
    I feel much less doormatty now. If a guy stands me up or doesn’t phone at the agreed time, then I just let it go and might not even call him back at all anymore.
    I am doing what I want now.
    And I am looking after me.
    If, for a man it really is too much effort to pick me up when I happen to be just around the corner – then I feel free to do what I want and no longer be ‘nice’ and ‘receptive’.
    It is what it is.
    He might be dating someone esle.
    I am dating others.
    He doesn’t exist.

  84.  #84Tam on October 11, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Not even feeling sad anymore, just ‘meh’.
    Proud of myself.

  85.  #85Annie on October 11, 2012 at 11:16 am

    “Stop trying to talk to him – and instead just smile and be available physically, sexually, as a great listener.

    I’m not asking you to ignore him – I’m asking you to focus on YOURSELF and becoming more independent.

    Even if you have to take a menial part-time job – do it.

    Love, Rori”

    I feel curious, would you advise the same to someone who was married and taking care of children?
    And so not really financially viable.
    Do you think married women with children who are already committed also need to be financially independent?

    Or does it all change then as our men are supposed to take care of us when they commit?

  86.  #86Annie on October 11, 2012 at 11:18 am

    love that Tam. Meh! haha

  87.  #87Tam on October 11, 2012 at 11:20 am

    86, hehe….yep. True though. Totally unexcited. Underwhelmed in fact, by it all. MEH!!

  88.  #88Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 11:20 am

    mlc – what does commitment look like to you?
    What kind of commitment did you both agree to?
    Do you realize commitment and exclusivity are two totally different things?

  89.  #89Annie on October 11, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Maria says. “I have recently moved in with him because I couldn’t afford my own place.”

    I’ll be honest I don’t get this. I feel confused.

    I don’t understand where a man is coming from.
    Is he asking to help out?
    I really don’t get it. I would feel really scared in a situation like that.
    I wouldn’t want to move in with anyone unless we were a real couple going to get married.
    Actually now I would actually want to be married first.

    I would want to know that he was asking me to move in because we were getting engaged and then married. And have who was paying for what agreed.

    And I so would not be able to remain open sexually in those circumstances.
    Just me though.
    It would feel like room mates having sex. I just wouldn’t be able to do it.

  90.  #90Tam on October 11, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Hm. CD whose ‘mother’ is sick said he’d call me later…but I want to go out for a long run, means I will miss his call..I did say to please call before 4pm and it is 3pm soon and I am done working (I start 5am), sooooooooo I am just thinking of leaving phone at home and going…I don’t feel like waiting around.
    Would that be mean?
    I am a lady who has a life after all.

  91.  #91mlc on October 11, 2012 at 11:32 am

    Committment, is exactly what we discussed. We made a conscious decision together to be exclusive in our relationship seeing only eachother, encouraging and supporting eachother in our individual pursuits as well as working on things together, being there for eachother at all times, good, bad, easy, difficult. We made a decision, a commitment, to see if this relationship would lead to marriage, that when things were difficult we would try our best to work it out…to see if it could be worked out…and if it could, we would move forward, it it couldn’t we would try and recognize that even though we are both good people, certain things are deal breakers and we would move on. Respectfully.

  92.  #92Annie on October 11, 2012 at 11:33 am

    mlc Rori says you have to decide if it feels ok to you early on if you want to share your man like this with ‘women’ friends and if it is a deal breaker or not.

  93.  #93mlc on October 11, 2012 at 11:41 am

    in a letter i wrote him very early in our relationship, he wasn’t sure if it was only me he wanted to see, i said these exact words to him “I do not want to see you if you are dating other women. I do not want to share you with anyone.” Granted I was specifically speaking about dating…but give me a break here….we are all intelligent adults….I. Do. Not. Want. To. Share. I want my man and his support and his attention. I have platonic men friends. I don’t go around giving them emotional support when they need it. If you are in a committed exclusive relationship, it is inappropriate. I don’t want him being a shoulder for some other woman to lean on. He knows that.

  94.  #94Tam on October 11, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Just as a side note. When I had just spent the weekend and night with a guy who was on the road to becoming my boyfriend….he left in the morning and as he got home logged straight onto the dating website.
    I dumped him unceremoniously.
    I just said ‘I don’t want a man who spends the night with me and hasn’t yet unpacked his stuff from spending a weekend together, searching out other women as soon as he gets in through the door’.
    Now, if I hadn’t seen it and it had become a real and exclusive relationship and I had found out years later, that he was still active on dating websites, yikes, I believe I would walk out of hurt. And the feeling that I could not trust this person.
    Not sure.
    That is a really sore point for me as I feel this would be eradicating my self-esteem a la ‘why is he still searching, am I not good enough’.
    It gives me the chills. 🙁

  95.  #95Tam on October 11, 2012 at 11:44 am

    this was years ago btw…

  96.  #96Annie on October 11, 2012 at 11:44 am

    I wouldn’t be able to tolerate that either mlc.

    Completely different if it were our joint female friends and we both wanted to help.

  97.  #97Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Well mlc if you were so clear on what you do not want then in my eyes the ball is in your court to act on that. You are not married. You are not living together. He has said he is angry and have basically withdrawn emotionally. It seems to me in such a situation I would be living my life until he contacts me and lets me know what he wants to do. Then I get to decide.

  98.  #98Tam on October 11, 2012 at 11:45 am

    93 mlc, he violated your boundaries.

  99.  #99mlc on October 11, 2012 at 11:49 am

    i actually intend to have a “come to Jesus” conversation with him this weekend. I just can’t live like this. If everything HAS to be spelled out for him, then I’m okay with that. I’ll do that. But certain things are absolutely deal breakers for me. I have to be able to trust him 100% to take protect me not only physically, but spiritually, emotionally as well. That’s what I want. I have been single and self sufficient for a very long time. I don’t need a man, I want a man. I want my man to be happy with himself and do what he needs to do to be happy, but I also want him to make sure he WANTS to put the well-being of the relationship FIRST. I would never ask him not to do something he really wanted to do. However, I do have a right to decide whether his behavior or actions are acceptable or not acceptable to me. If he isn’t completely honest with me, I don’t have the information I need to make that decision. Not fair.

  100.  #100new siren on October 11, 2012 at 11:55 am

    FW Can you explain this to me…commitment and exclusivity are two different things?

    I didnt know that and would like to learn more and it rings true for me because I am in an exclusive relationship but I dont know about commitment.


  101.  #101mlc on October 11, 2012 at 11:56 am

    96, 97, 98

    I totally agree, mutual friends would be different. Friends he has had for years would be different.

    He said he was angry, but we actually got past that in the one conversation we had when this all took place. Now he is fine, but I am the one who is angry…I am the one who is withdrawing and putting up a wall…and he has actually been very attentive as he always has been, but more so this past week. He senses something has changed with me. I do not want to let things go on this way. It’s not good for him and I still respect him…and it’s not good for me. That’s why I am going to lay it all out for him. This weekend will be a very difficult weekend for me.

    Yes, he violated my boundaries…And frankly, I dont’ think they are unreasonable. He violated my trust.

  102.  #102Silver Moonbeam on October 11, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Continuation of my post #59 messaging to long winded man:

    “I feel bloody BORED reading long and boring copy and paste jobs that have nothing whatsoever to do with this here Sireny creature you have just contacted who you will even be lucky if she agrees to meet you, as I am the Yummy Pie, I am the air that you breathe and don’t forget to put me up their on that pedestal and keep me there!!”


    Real one:

    I feel turned off with long and copy and pasted messages, I prefer to meet people (men/dates??) for real (in real life??), here is my mobile xxxxxxxxxx,:

  103.  #103Tam on October 11, 2012 at 11:59 am

    (((mlc))) the only way is up from here. Believe me.

  104.  #104Silver Moonbeam on October 11, 2012 at 12:00 pm




    Help please, I am sooo not good at this messaging stuff. 🙁

  105.  #105vixvette on October 11, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    i am feeling confused. I was married for 9 years to a man that had difficulty filling my needs. My marriage consisted of me paying for everything, feeling second to his ex-wife, his friends, and his children. I placed all my concentration on our children and eventually silenced my complaints. There were times that I begged him for assistance with the finances or simply to take me out, but it always fell on deaf ears. Eventually, because my self esteem was so low that I had an affair and admitted it to him. We tried marriage counseling but I was so hurt and angry from the past that I had difficulty opening up. I told him that I needed time and space and that we needed to go slow so that I could once again open up to him. This lasted about 2 weeks before he said he didn’t want to work on things anymore before he ended it and then I learned he was dating someone else. Which was odd that at the time, I didn’t mind.
    I began circular dating attempting to build my own self esteem back. Three days ago, he returned wanting to work on our marriage. I am open to the idea, but feeling confused about him..
    Can a man change after 9 years?? Could he be the man that I always wanted?? I feel so scared that I am going back to a life that kept me depressed and feeling unworthy.. I don’t know how to handle it or what to do.. he is coming full force. calling all the time. wanting to do things.. planning events.. and i am agreeing to these things,but I have not come to the conclusion why I am agreeing to it. Whether it is because I do want to work things out or because of our two younger daughters.. My heart is numb and I try to open it up to him, but it is difficult..

  106.  #106Smile on October 11, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Yesterday I felt elated at the level of emotion in my conversation from strummingman, from both sides. I was in awe of what he wrote actually. I thought he’d been hanging out on the blog lol! Hs used I feel quite a lot!

    He rung me again today. I noticed that I wasn’t as good at communicating with him on the phone as on text. It never feels ‘awkward’ it’s always relaxed but I don’t find it as easy to share my feelings as well. Probably because I don’t havd time to ‘edit’ my response.

    I wonder what helps other sirens to ‘speak’ vulnerably, over the phone rather than texting. I’m ok with in person actually, facecto face as theres body language I can use too. It’s mainly on the phone. I feel comfortable with a little silence. I tried that tonight.

  107.  #107Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    feel turned off with long and copy and pasted messages, I prefer to meet people (men/dates??) for real (in real life??), here is my mobile xxxxxxxxxx,:

    I feel burned out on emailing, it would feel good to hear your lovely man voice. It would feel good to go on a date. What do you think?

    I feel burned out on emailing. I want to meet people face to face. I don’t want to spend my time responding to long email messages. What do you think?

  108.  #108Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Smile for me it is not easy. I will go aaahh or say hhhmm give me a minute, then sink in.

  109.  #109Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Commitment is what you decide you want – marriage, live in situation headed to marriage. Only you can decide what you need to feel solid and secure in a relationship to communicate to the man and see if he can do it.

    Exclusivity (in my eyes) – him having a full time girlfriend, he can show up when he wants, have a companion to sleep, go out with etc. without necessarily the perks of a fully committed relationship. In a fully committed relationship I get to fully surrender because I know he is not going anywhere and does not want to go anywhere outside the relationship.

    This is a nutshell view from my eyes but Rori has written an article about it that hopefully someone can post.

  110.  #110Willow on October 11, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    I thought I’d formally say hi to everything. I’m new-ish around here and really enjoy Rori’s blog and programs. They’ve helped me alot. So, hiya folks 🙂

    As to Maria’s letter… it doesn’t feel good. I get this intuitive kind of feeling that says “clingy” and “dependent.” Money is very complicated and individual. I live with a man in a committed relationship and I was financially secure when we met. We made a decision as a couple for me to stop working and finish college. I have my own money still, my own bank account, buy my own things, pay my own bills and tuition, and I pay common household bills according to what we agreed. But it’s not 50/50. But it works because we made a decision together on it that we were both comfortable with. I’m sure the same kind of deal occurs when a couple has a child and one parent stays home.

    So it’s not the money I’m thinking about.

    I think she does need to work to have something that’s all hers and to work on being independent. I think she needs to get out alot more and continue on with her life. If the guy is going to step up and be part of it and commit, he will. Or he won’t. She’ll know and she’ll also know he did it because he wanted to, not because she talked him into it or because he relented to her questioning. Asking questions doesn’t get you anywhere, especially since he doesn’t seem to have established that emotional intimacy with Maria that would allow him to open up and talk. He’s sleeping in another room now. Does that not speak volumes?

    I think Maria needs to work on getting independent in all senses of the word. This guy may not step up and be her One and it’s devastating to lose both your source of financial security and your relationship all at once. That’s hard to recover from.

    After thinking about her relationship, I feel small. And tighter through the solar plexus. I feel like I just spent the last 10 minutes trying to walk on eggshells. I feel like I need space too. It would feel good to hear Maria say she has expanded her horizons in life and made space for HERSELF from this guy. That feels looser and freer.

  111.  #111Smile on October 11, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    Vixvette, I’ve reposted a few times an article about when an ex shows up and what Rori suggests you do? It reminded me of your situation. I can’t find it again…. Feeling frustrated! I wonder if any other sirens know which one I mean…?

    ViXvette, have you shared your feelings with him?

  112.  #112Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    Tip #2: Don’t give away exclusivity if he hasn’t yet committed
    We become totally, emotionally invested in a man when we’re exclusive with him because he has all our time and attention. There’s no way we can stop wondering about where the relationship is going. But the more we think about it and talk about it, the more we push a man away.

    When you can think of it in these terms, it’s easier to keep your options open and keep your personal power in the relationship. Rather than talking about the relationship or threatening him with ultimatums, you can continue to keep your options open by dating other men. This way, you keep your class, your power, your boundaries, and he has to work to get you!

  113.  #113Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Hi Willow

  114.  #114Smile on October 11, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Yes FW making a noise like that would feel good whilst I search out my feelings.
    I will keep practising but I’m ‘aware’ so that feels good.

  115.  #115Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Can a man change after 9 years??

    Most definitely but he has to want that and the change has to begin from inside him, is what I believe. He can be inspired by changes he sees in you.

  116.  #116Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    My heart is numb and I try to open it up to him, but it is difficult..

    I would tell him this and that I want to take things slowly because I now want a lot more than what we had now that I want to feel adored and cherished.

  117.  #117Smile on October 11, 2012 at 12:35 pm


    Dominique’s healing a mans heart through yours!

  118.  #118Smile on October 11, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Hi willow!

  119.  #119new siren on October 11, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Thank you FW….I feel like I am not good at Rori Ray, arghhh. I am good at recieving and not over functioning in terms of money and such but I am terrible about leaning forward to call and text! What is wrong with me?Its like I am compelled to reach out and I absolutely cant seem to stop…plesae help, please

  120.  #120Silver Moonbeam on October 11, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Thanks so much FW still working on it LOL!! xxx

  121.  #121new siren on October 11, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Also I feel sooo jelous and insecure like I should check in all the time

  122.  #122vixvette on October 11, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Thank you smiles.. I would like to find rori’s posting about when he returns.. I have told him my feelings and he informed me he understood and was scared himself.. I am unsure how I feel about him because I have been so hurt by him..

  123.  #123Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    This weekend will be a very difficult weekend for me.

    Is this what you really want? I would experiment with setting an intention of just speaking my truth from a place of strength even if my strength shows through crying. Difficult for me feels like slogging through mud or slogging through a fight that I will lose so I ask myself do I or anyone else have to lose. Or is it that you intend to walk away from the relationship?

  124.  #124Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    What is wrong with me? is also one of my NVs and limiting beliefs that I have been working on changing. Nothing is wrong with me. I am perfect as I am. I radically and unconditionally accept myself.

    new siren I hope I can inspire you to change and believe in yourself.

  125.  #125new siren on October 11, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Thank you FW I hope so too…I just feel lost

  126.  #126mlc on October 11, 2012 at 12:45 pm


    It will be an uncomfortable conversation, not warm and fuzzy…knowing I must have this conversation is what’s difficult. I do intend to lay it out my boundaries for him and tell him if he can’t be truly happy accepting them, then we need to move on without each other. Yes, I am ready to walk away from something if it is can’t be what i need it to be and what he needs it to be without compromising our boundaries and our “must haves” in the relationship. I understand that sometimes for the greater good of the relationship that we need to compromise…but if you can’t compromise without becoming resentful, it won’t work. I want peace, happiness, security, excitement, support, encouragement…all the things I’m willing to give.

  127.  #127Smile on October 11, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    Can a man change after 9 years?…

    From dominique

    Lifting your spirits, opening your eyes in awe and wonder, blossoming your heart really big, can and will create huge transformations not only in YOU but also in YOUR MAN.

    As you are working to heal your wounds around love by giving yourself the chance to expand and feel more and in different ways, your man also gets to heal through your heart within the luscious space you’ve created and as a result, he will likely begin to morph into more of what you’ve been wanting all along. But since you’ve released expectations, it will come as a joyous surprise.

    When you start feeling really good within yourself and around WHAT IS, creating a warm and inviting place for your man to to be himself with you and feel completely accepted by you just as he is, you may very well discover that what he has to give you is much more than you maybe realized, full of all kinds of wonderfulness you hadn’t noticed before. You may very well find that HE IS your “THE ONE”, one maybe beyond your wildest dreams.

    These seemingly small adjustments are HUGE, relationship restoring, life changing. If there is any hesitation in a man, even though he knows deep down you are his one and only woman, this will dispel it.

    The more you are able to take care of YOU, taking your focus off of him, loving yourself more and more, the more your man will be inspired to be YOUR man, if he truly is that special man FOR YOU. He will feel your calm, your peace, your open, receiving heart. He will want to join you for the ride and heal through your glorious heart.

    When you find ease within your body, when you find you within your heart, when you are able believe with all you have that the man of your dreams is right there, when you can love and appreciate each and every moment with awe and wonder, even if your man isn’t physically there for you yet, HE WILL SHOW UP, for who could resist this newly emerged irresistible YOU.


  128.  #128Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    I do intend to lay it out my boundaries for him and tell him if he can’t be truly happy accepting them, then we need to move on without each other

    mlc – I feel really constricted and tight reading this. It feels like pressure and an ultimatum. Maybe other ladies will respond. My boundaries are for me so I don’t lay it out for anyone. Plus I feel resistant to “telling” a man. I prefer to share my preferences and the things I will allow in my life. I understand where you are coming from and hope I don’t come across as critical. I don’t want to be resentful either and hope that if I recognize that feeling in myself I will be able to share it in a non-blaming way.

  129.  #129Silver Moonbeam on October 11, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    “I feel burned out on messaging, it would feel good to hear your lovely man voice. It would feel good to go on a date. What do you think?”

  130.  #130Silver Moonbeam on October 11, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    “I feel burned out on messaging, it would feel good to hear your lovely man voice. It would feel good to go on meet. What do you think?”

  131.  #131Silver Moonbeam on October 11, 2012 at 12:56 pm


    “I feel burned out on messaging, it would feel good to hear your lovely man voice. It would feel good to meet face to face. What do you think?”

  132.  #132Heart on October 11, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Silver moonbeam…I may be wrong but I’m sensing a stronger emotion under your words…not really burned out …but maybe not special or un cared for…maybe u could include that…

  133.  #133Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Despite previous reports denying her engagement to Nick Gordon, Bobbi Kristina Brown has officially confirmed the couple’s commitment to one another.

    During the trailer for her family’s forthcoming October 24 Lifetime reality series “The Houstons: On Our Own,” the 19-year-old is seen professing her love for her adopted brother and announcing to the the world, “We’re engaged.” in addition to admitting that she doesn’t like to be “without him.”

  134.  #134Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    I agree with Heart

  135.  #135mlc on October 11, 2012 at 1:04 pm


    you do not seem critical at all, and i totally get what you are saying. i will absolutely present it in a loving and respectful manner. and i probably will cry but i am not a drama queen and won’t be hysterical. i must know for my own peace of mind exactly where we stand. and i need for him to know exactly what my boundaries are and what my deal breakers are. although we have talked about these things in various conversations we have had and i pretty much know his and he pretty much knows mine (and they really are no different from most everyone else’s). i just feel the need to be completely specific in light of the recent incident. I do not want to lose him. I love him. I respect him. But I also love and respect myself and there is a certain relationship I’m looking for. If I am tied up in one that isn’t (perhaps because I haven’t been clear, but i really don’t believe that) or more importantly CANT give me what I want, then i need to move on…as sad as it will make me to be without him.

    Plus, (and this is important) I do not want to go through a deployment (which i have no experience with, but i do know that there will be very limited communication) investing my time, energy and emotions, wondering where this is going and feeling insecure. Especially if we are not on the same page, which up until last week i totally thought we were.

    Does that make any sense?

  136.  #136Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    It might even be best just to drop the conversation

  137.  #137Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    oi – i probably will cry but i am not a drama queen and won’t be hysterical.

    This feels like self criticism

  138.  #138Silver Moonbeam on October 11, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    #131 Heart

    How would I word that in a FM? His message one to me was great and spiralled downwards from thereon in……

  139.  #139mlc on October 11, 2012 at 1:08 pm


    do you mean me? just forget it?

  140.  #140Starla on October 11, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    i feel powerless to be helpful here today

  141.  #141mlc on October 11, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    i’m not being self-critical….people are who they are. i just know that being really dramatic and hysterical doesn’t really accomplish much so it doesn’t work for me.

  142.  #142Goddess Lily on October 11, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    I have procrastinated this whole day away. I feel low energy. This happens when I have to do something difficult. I have to update my resume and submit it by tomorrow night. Haven’t done a darn thing today. I also have to study to not be more behind schedule. Still sitting here. And my hair is dirty. I just feel useless today.

  143.  #143Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    SMB I just reread. I would not assume cut and paste. It read to me like someone still jaded and hurt from a previous relationship. I would use Starla’s suggestion. If he wants to connect he will want you to decode then you can let him know you felt disconnected as if his messages to you were cut and paste, is what I believe I would do.

  144.  #144Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    No mlc I meant it for SMB. Sorry for my lack of directness

  145.  #145Silver Moonbeam on October 11, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    #143 FW

    Thank you for your reply but honestly I am so out of the loop I don’t understand what you are saying……….sorry for being a pain……….can you please elaborate……

  146.  #146mlc on October 11, 2012 at 1:17 pm


    i want you to know i value your opinion so much. it is so helpful to sort everything out here.

  147.  #147Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    mlc it felt that way for me reading about crying and not being a drama queen like in the same breath.

    Regarding the deployment, it just seems to me that maybe getting clear on whether you can or even want a LDR is what the underlying focus should really be. Maybe you don’t want that or already know that you can’t? Or is it that you have had a bad experience in a previous LDR?

  148.  #148Smile on October 11, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Oo it feels great to tap my procrastination away.

  149.  #149Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    SMB you said earlier that his mails sounded cut and paste. To me it doesn’t. He seems to be letting off steam about someone/something else and projecting it. So I would use Starla’s suggestion.

  150.  #150Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    mlc – Sometimes asking ourselves some tough questions help us to become clear.

  151.  #151Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    ((((((((((((Goddess Lily))))))))))))))
    I am that way with filling forms. I hate doing them.

  152.  #152Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    Rori I feel curious about why this article is on the monthly interview series. Is there an interview about creating space?

  153.  #153Smile on October 11, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    I wonder why my tapping away procrastination link was moderated?
    Rori sent me an email saying it was okay to post a link? Maybe it’s just this one?

  154.  #154Smile on October 11, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    I’m procrastinating too and only just realised lol.

  155.  #155mlc on October 11, 2012 at 1:27 pm


    i understand. i feel like i have good self esteem…it’s somethign i consciously work on.

    regarding the deployment, it’s not that i can’t or don’t want to. if we are both on the same page as to where this relationship is headed, if we were still committed to seeing if this could work out and become a marital situation, then i am all in…100%

    however, if he is telling me that he is 100% committed and wants to continue on the path we are on, but still intends to continue developing these faux internet friendships with people he met when he was signed up for an online dating service, then i don’t think it would be fair to me since tht behavior makes me feel insignificant and insecure.

    if our relationship is as important to him as he says it is, then i think he should have enough respect for me and our relationship to discontinue this behavior without being resentful, IF it is something he wants to continue growing. i need an answer to that question.

    he needs to get his fingers out of the honey pot.

  156.  #156Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    mlc you seem quite clear on what you want.

  157.  #157Goddess Lily on October 11, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    So I shall procrastinate a little more….

    Last night’s mixer:

    I went with my guy friend. I feel glad I did. I was playing wing woman instead of feeling open and inviting. I wasn’t really interested in anyone and I felt disappointed. We realized quickly we would have to separate though….but not before we met another nice woman who we may hang out with later. I ended up tag teaming with her for some of the night. She and I talked to some nice guys. They struck up some funny conversation about the art. The night was looking up. They invited over their wing women which was fun for a bit but then new girl wanted to continue to roam so we did.

    This is where it gets interesting. We went to the bathroom. On the way out I see the guy that I thought was angling for me at the beginning of the night. I had spent the majority of the beginning of the evening telling my friend why this guy was not for me. I wasn’t interested then but I thought this is my chance to be open. So new girl left me to talk to this guy. His opening line was “You have a big bladder!” Apparently he was waiting for me to go to the bathroom all night so he could corner me away from my friend. Not a big deal, I remained open. He sounded kind of stupid though, I attributed that to the alcohol, remained open. Then he told me he could tell I was interested in him. Felt turned off, tried to stay open. Then he told me he smokes. I do not smoke and this is a deal breaker. Still I stuck around. Then he told me about this bar that I should try….that he then later said he was kicked out of for 30 days. Now I was looking for a way out. Luckily new girl showed up and rescued me.

    What I learned from this man:

    1. I need to practice feeling messages, especially in those times when I’m not interested. I could’ve easily said “I feel turned off.”

    2. I need to be more careful about what I share. I’m too forthcoming about personal details.

    3. Perhaps figure out when enough is enough learn when to leave.

  158.  #158Simply Goddess on October 11, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Woo late night of work only getting in at 9pm.. Back in in the morning..

    Anyway.. I replied to facebook status comment just saying ‘I might treat myself ;)’ last night.. Today I received a message to my phone from him saying “You’re not going to be wanting to move in with me if you are getting a new car will you”
    I replied that “It’d feel good getting a car but it would be good to speak before I make any decisions about anything”

    He replied “Get a car then if you want.. May even be able to get one of your facebook perverts to get you one”

    I havent replied.. He put on his twitter earlier “Kinda happy right now!”

    Hmph! He really does confuse me…

    Anyone anything that might make me feel better? haha xx

  159.  #159Goddess Lily on October 11, 2012 at 1:35 pm


    Can you send me some latin lovers?

    My appeal is apparently waning on I’m only attracting men outside my age range and locality.

  160.  #160Starla on October 11, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Ladies, Simply Goddes, et al….

    I would really suggest not looking at a man’s twitter or facebook account if you find yourself analyzing/saying things to yourself or your girlfriends that start with “on his twitter/fb he said…”

    give yourself the gift of peace. the world will keep on turning even if you don’t witness it on their facebooks/twitters

  161.  #161Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Goddess Lily Lesson No 4.

    Maybe men are more comfortable approaching us when we are alone. So under such circumstances look for opportunities to lean back against a wall alone.

    Lesson No. 5 “Then he told me he could tell I was interested in him.”

    Men can smell/tell when we are focussed on them. Even if it is in or minds or in a negative way.

  162.  #162Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    When I think of FB I think stalker so I stopped checking that. As a matter of fact I recently deactivated my account to register a message to my psyche.

  163.  #163Heart on October 11, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Smb – ooooh I just read your post explaining it all….

    Gosh….It Does Sound very Copy and Paste..and he seems …um
    like he has Issues or sumting.

    I would just say: I feel disconnected with text messaging. I wsnt to feel special. I would much rather hear you voice. What do you think?

  164.  #164Goddess Lily on October 11, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Is this site different in different countries? I see no where to change my little picture and I’m pretty sure I have never seen anything about being moderated.

  165.  #165Heart on October 11, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Simple Goddess – wow he sounds like he’s jealous of ur FB male friends..

    Wonder if CudG is jealous of my guy friends that post on my FB…

  166.  #166Goddess Lily on October 11, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    161 – FW – you are correct. I just wasn’t ready to fly on my own. I also learned that I could’ve easily left and looked at the art myself. I was so busy looking at the men that I didn’t even notice it. Also correct on number 5, I couldn’t even disagree with him totally because I had been noticing him even if it was to be telling myself what I don’t want.

  167.  #167Smile on October 11, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Goddess lily you can add a picture. Something like gravatar.
    I just googled it. Pretty simple to upload. Also there are trigger words that Rori doesn’t let through. Mostly around swearing! You can’t copy a full email from another relationship coach due to copyright but you can copy a bit of it and put a link.

  168.  #168Smile on October 11, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    My heart feels all glittery tonight 
    I feel sky blue inside

    Today I imagined a ring on my finger. I glanced down and looked at my ring finger as I changed gear in my car.
    I’m worthy of good things
    I’m sparkling on the inside, I want to sparkle on the outside too!

  169.  #169Simply Goddess on October 11, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    So you think hes jealous?
    I dunno what to reply.. I feel Im being quite calm and easy going and he stumps me with his replies everytime..

    Also doesnt make me want to talk when hes saying how ‘happy’ he is right now.. just when hes not seeing his gf.. no b

  170.  #170MissStix on October 11, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Starla 140

    Me too.

    Actually…It’s more like totally un-interested. It feels frustrating and like pressure in my head just reading.

    There is desperation and resistance ooozing off the pages.

    I feel really b!tchy too so that doesn’t help…

  171.  #171Smile on October 11, 2012 at 2:07 pm


    I found it. Over on the right hand side click the link livers to friends and back again. The article I referred to was called what to do when an old love calls

  172.  #172Tam on October 11, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Goddess Lily. Come to Florida!!
    I am off for happy hour with one of my gf’s..I have been rescued from a night in..ha!!

  173.  #173Heart on October 11, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    Simply Goddess – yea…that comment about the FB pervs…
    what was that about? …so unnecessary…

  174.  #174Goddess Lily on October 11, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    I’d love to visit Florida. Never been to Miami. I’ve actually been warned I’m not hot enough to survive in Miami (or Atlanta for that matter) and I would need to step my game up.

  175.  #175MissStix on October 11, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    Gross. Men who say what they don’t mean and don’t mean what they say…

    Not worth an ounce of goddess energy. Not worth one word from her mouth. She speaks what she means. She has no need to even respond to false words. What is the point?

  176.  #176Annie on October 11, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    “128: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I do intend to lay it out my boundaries for him and tell him if he can’t be truly happy accepting them, then we need to move on without each other

    mlc – I feel really constricted and tight reading this. It feels like pressure and an ultimatum. Maybe other ladies will respond. My boundaries are for me so I don’t lay it out for anyone. Plus I feel resistant to “telling” a man. I prefer to share my preferences and the things I will allow in my life. I understand where you are coming from and hope I don’t come across as critical. I don’t want to be resentful either and hope that if I recognize that feeling in myself I will be able to share it in a non-blaming way.”

    Yes I feel in agreement FW it’s an ultimatum.
    Are you able to reverse it? Have you Roris love scripts?

  177.  #177Simply Goddess on October 11, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    Maybe if guys have liked a status on my facebook? I don’t know..

    I don’t understand him..

    What would I reply to something like that? I know the answer is nothing? However I feel we’re getting nowhere..

  178.  #178Siren Angel on October 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Simply Goddess,

    I believe he is being childish, and acting a little jealous/hurt. Maybe time for a heart to heart.

  179.  #179Laughing Goddess on October 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Hi SMB,

    I feel inspired to test drive some possible fm’s for your situation. 🙂

    “I have mixed feelings. I felt very intrigued by your messages initially and now I am feeling unsure. I’m finding that I feel disconnected at times in this online dating world and unsure who is for real and who isn’t. Do you have any ideas for how to develop a real connection in this setting?”

    ooooooh, that feels interesting. I feel tingly just writing it.

    Thanks for the opportunity to practice. It feels so much easier when I don’t have a personal charge behind it.

  180.  #180Starla on October 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    hi laughing goddess:)

  181.  #181Laughing Goddess on October 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    I’m feeling sort of excited and a little overwhelmed by a conversation I just had with my guy.

    I tend to forget everything I have learned about fm’s and such when we are in the heat of the moment. And predictably enough, the conversations usually don’t end up as I would like.

    But the last two times we have had a heated discussion, at some point I have remembered to check in with my emotions and express fm’s and it is remarkable the difference that it makes.

    Wow wow wow!

  182.  #182MissStix on October 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Simply goddess

    If you think you are getting nowhere, maybe you are feeling stuck?

    I don’t think the ambushing behavior and disrespectful comments are even worth a reply. It will just perpetuate that nonsense.

    How do you feel right now? Without thinking…Just feeling.

  183.  #183Laughing Goddess on October 11, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    Hi Starla!

    I wanted to say that I loved reading about your dancing studio idea. Sounds really exciting!

  184.  #184Laughing Goddess on October 11, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    Simply Goddess:

    what comes to mind reading about his fb comment is how Rori talks about facilitating their anger.

  185.  #185Daria on October 11, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    so Rihanna is back dating Chris Brown and might even marry him

    I could tell she still had the hots for him. I hope they both have learned better ways to communicate than beating each other up.

  186.  #186Tam on October 11, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    FB triggered me again. Rah….grrrr….hrmpf…some people just really fancy themselves..and men need to egg them on also.
    What is that bringing up for me. Do I not fancy myself enough to put one million bikini pictures out there sayin ‘half the world has seen them’ and feeling full of myself.
    Nah. Pff.
    My body is better than that of a 55 year old…but I wouldn’t represent myself like that. No.

  187.  #187Starla on October 11, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    thanks, lg:)

  188.  #188Laughing Goddess on October 11, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    ohhhhh, I feel sad reading references to age. I feel sad for sirens who are that age mentioned, lest they feel somehow made wrong or less than and I feel a bit ……hmmm, can’t think of the word……maybe grouchy because it’s all relative in the sense that what’s young to one person might seem old to another.

    awwww, hugging my triggered little girl and hoping that I can still be present and loving to myself even if I feel triggered and scared of being attacked or misunderstood.

    Wishing that human communication was less painful feeling sometimes.

  189.  #189Simply Goddess on October 11, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    I feel confused.. Is the distance and taking time apart benefitting us at all or bringing us farther apart..
    I feel a little anxious and worried that he doesn’t seem to care as the space doesn’t seem to have made him ‘step up’ ..also worried he might take interest in other women seen as I don’t talk to him anymore..
    I feel hopeful he is jealous and hurt and it’s a step in the right direction..

  190.  #190Simply Goddess on October 11, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    LG – What is facilitating anger? Any articles? xx

  191.  #191Daria on October 11, 2012 at 2:57 pm


  192.  #192Daria on October 11, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    Daria you rock and if you want to put bikini pictures out and present yourself that way you ARE SACRED AND SEXY !

    i love all these triggers!

    learning to validate me, keep voting for me!

    Thank you for the trigger!

    I actually feel empowered and i feel surprised i don’t feel angry or judgemental wow

    giglleee that feels delicious! im healing

  193.  #193Daria on October 11, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    my moms body is still killin mine tho!

    ok no its not. thyre just both sacred and sexy

  194.  #194Daria on October 11, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    when i have some kids my hips will widen and my butt will get even more bigger and delish like mamis 🙂

    i feel sooo happy about that

  195.  #195Daria on October 11, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    im feeling bomb cuz my spine feels all flexibble now and that feels sooooo good and im doing all these snake moves and laughing feeleing ONNNn

  196.  #196Daria on October 11, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    im loving planetary warming i trust my big mama earth

    and remembering when i get back to the bay it might feel real cold eeeek i dont want to feel cold on holloween still want a slick body suit that really holds warmth i know they out there

  197.  #197Laughing Goddess on October 11, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    SG: This one is about facilitating our own anger and it’s exactly what I needed to read today. I finally feel like I can take a deep breath.

  198.  #198Laughing Goddess on October 11, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Ohhhhh, I feel really happy to be reminded of this…

    You explode because that’s your habit.

    Because you only KNOW the cycle of stuff, then explode.

    I want you to learn something new – to:

    1. Catch what you’re feeling.

    2. Say out loud – to yourself – to the mirror, to your journal – what you feel in words.

    3. Realize that underneath the feeling you speak are more feelings – under anger is pain, and fear, and guilt…

    4. Know that those feelings will always be there, that they morph, and revolve – and that you cannot always resolve everything that ever caused you trauma and pain, and you cannot always make sense of everything that happens in your life.

    5. Know that the important thing is what you DO with those feelings.

    6. The most important thing is to not allow them to RUN you – but allow them to speak to you.

    7. And then – turn your attention, your focus, your energy on the good and pleasant and pleasurable feelings that are inside you, too – right next to the ugly and terrifying ones!

    Right next to guilt is forgiveness. Right next to fear is bliss. Right next to rage is your funny bone.

    There’s no end to how you can move from feeling bad to feeling good WITHOUT having to RELEASE all the pent-up energy into the world, and onto other people.

    You can do it all just by following these baby-steps – and being vigilant about it.

    If you catch your feelings early – and ATTEND to them – you can tell them that you love them and that they will not run you, that you are choosing to believe the good feeling thoughts that create the good feeling feelings for now.

  199.  #199Siren Angel on October 11, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Yesterday, I had to go get an new medicare card because I lost mine. The woman just before me went to the counter and she was making some information change. She was in her good 70’s. She was explaining to the woman behind the counter that she needs to make information changes because she was married last week.

  200.  #200Daria on October 11, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    Thank you baby for being gentle with me

    Thank you for brushing my hair

    Thank you for creating teh new sacred pattern to massage my head and brush

    thank you for listening to healing music and breathing and dancing mmmmmmm

    i LOVE You

    i love how you care for me

  201.  #201Heart on October 11, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Sirens – oh no! I just realized I have feelings for CudG….Ick….

    and now he’s gone.
    Do you think I’ll hear from him again?
    It’s been 16 days…
    wow….so long.

  202.  #202Daria on October 11, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    why touching our deepest parts gets us in touch with the masculine, and the wounded parts of ourselves… a bellydance way

    “In her thesis on oriental dance Keti has researched old myths focused on the theme of descent and has related them to women’s growth today. She explains that these mythical stories once associated with belly dancing are resurfacing partially because their spiritual significance are only now being revealed.

    In one Babylonian myth the goddess Ishtar descends into the underworld to reclaim her dead husband. During her descent she meets seven tests and has to pass through seven gates . At each gate she sheds a metaphorical veil like a piece of jewellery, or her beauty, or her wealth.

    She ultimately uses the power of seduction to tempt her way through the gates but while she is shedding each veil she is also surrendering her attachments It is when she is fully naked revealing her true essence that she can then finally rescue her husband or reclaim her masculine side. It is only after this reunion that an alchemical marriage of balance can then take place.

    As women we can lso make this descent into self awareness where we shed the veils that protect ourselves, which are inherently the veils of self forgetting. Only when we are stripped and completely vulnerable can we express the raw potency of our womanhood. If we consciously choose this initiation then we must be prepared to lose everything, to stand in our bare essence, and in doing so then reclaim our powerful masculine side.

    In the Greek tradition this same initiation was taken by Demeter a mother goddess of the grain. In one version of the myth Demeter like Ishtar also descends into the underworld but this time the descent is made to save her child not her husband. Her maiden daughter Persephone is abducted to the underworld by Hades. Demeters’ motherly instincts drive her to unbridled grief over her loss and during this time the earth becomes barren. Nothing grows, nothing is reborn.

    Eventually the father god Zeuss forces Hades to release Persephone and the earth’s abundance is finally restored. Once again there is the suggestion that it is only through this descent into the darkness that the lost child/maiden aspect of ourselves can be reclaimed.”

  203.  #203ReceivingGirl on October 11, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    Hi Sirens! Stopping in to say hello. I have 11 days left for my school and have 4 assignments and the final to go. It’s crunch time and I can’t wait until this stressor is out of my life!

    I told Mr. Observant how I appreciate his support with my school. He asked me if I was being facetious. For a split second, I felt a little offended, but then I felt sad. Jabber is often sarcastic towards him and I don’t think he knows what it feels like to be appreciated. I think he’s so used to being treated that way, he expects it.

    I told him that I was being serious. He asked me what he has done to be supportive. I told him he keeps telling me I can do it, is positive and he gives me the time I need to study without interrupting me. I told him I really appreciate that. Then he said, anything for my girl!

  204.  #204Tam on October 11, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Rrrrrrr…argh…..I feel mad. I feel totally mad and angry and sad and I want to lash out.
    How *dare* you reach out to other women and not me. How dare you. You could have this Princess and instead you sit at home and comment on wrinklies who like to draw attention to themselves.
    I feel so turned off.
    I just looked at myself in the mirror and said: ‘yeah’
    Perhaps you are not stepping up because you think I am ‘too good’ for you.
    Like the song you sent me where the last line is ‘but it’s time to face the truth, I will never be with you’
    And no, you won’t be because you make zero effort.
    And my phone is buzzing with all those that hardly know me but make lots more effort than you, my so-called friend.
    Feck the friend
    Sorry Ladies, it had to come out. Better here than elsewhere.
    I feel very high value now. And I will block him now.

  205.  #205Daria on October 11, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    yay Daria you’re taking me to bed… i love you!

  206.  #206Daria on October 11, 2012 at 5:51 pm


    i love the judgemental me

    i love the numb me

  207.  #207Daria on October 11, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    i love the sinking me

    i love teh angry me

    i love the depressed me

  208.  #208Daria on October 11, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    i love my anger! i feel you stirring baby

    its ok to come out ! im here for you1

  209.  #209Tam on October 11, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    I feel it’s time to close a chapter in my life in order to open a new one. I was a different person full of self-loathing and I have changed and yes, it turned some people off (I suppose) but good riddance.
    The rest of my life starts now.
    I am rooting for me.
    And I am rooting for those that root for me.
    And my lovely real friends who are there for me through thick and thin. They don’t come and go. They are there.
    Time to get real/

  210.  #210Tam on October 11, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    I love my anger too, because it is sincere.
    I am sincere.
    I am not here today and gone tomorrow, I am a forever girl. For my friends and my lovers and everyone. If they respect me and my boundaries.

  211.  #211Daria on October 11, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    uhoh more!

    more being hit more numbeness

    i love my hitting

    i love my totally disrespectful dont even care and refuse to look at myself even if i bother others self

    i love my anger!

    i feel really pist at women called names. I dont want to see put downs of other women when i’m practicing healing that in myself

    i feel like warring

    i love my warring self

    i feel my head getting hot

    yay! thanks for coming out anger

    i love you!

  212.  #212Daria on October 11, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    thank you for the trigger ladies

    i feel really angry and blameful and i love my angry and blameful self

    mmmmmggghhhmmm coooiing sounds yumm

  213.  #213Daria on October 11, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    i dont want…

    i feel unsure

    i Do feel glad to feel thsi anger and choosing it to mean im healing

    i dont want to feel numb and angry

    and i do want to feel numb and angry and love the feelings and embrace all of me

    im not sure what i dont want

    i dont want to see women put down

    i dont want to see beings put down

    I dont want to put beings down


    i feel surprised

    my anger has ‘escaped’ hehehe now that i wrote that

    i feel pulsing in my lower back head 🙂

    and ‘silent’

    and tight aroudn my teeth


    i love my biting power

  214.  #214Daria on October 11, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    i dont want to close my heart!


    yay healings

    i love the part of me that turns against other women in a man’s life

    i love the part of me that compares myself to them

    i love teh part of me that teams up with him to fight and put them down

    ohhh that feels scary and triggering

    i feel tight around my lower spine

    i love my lower spine

    i love my smile

    i love this Depth im feeling



  215.  #215Daria on October 11, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    wow it is totally ok for these men to be with other women!

    whoa i did not expect this kinda power in me to shift on this


  216.  #216Daria on October 11, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    this has nothing to do with me!

    i accept men who come to me!

  217.  #217ReceivingGirl on October 11, 2012 at 6:09 pm


    I can understand where you are coming from, but I also feel emotional support to a real friend would be okay. I want to be with a man who has no intention of being unfaithful to me. I would like to believe he could provide emotional support to a female friend without crossing any lines. I know I could do the opposite with a male friend. I think it is either a person’s character or it isn’t. I want to have that kind of trust in a relationship.

  218.  #218Daria on October 11, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    i feel teary

  219.  #219Starbright on October 11, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Silver Moonbeam,

    In my humble opinion, I would say he is a scam artist.

    I have had many similar types of posts. And, what I see are men who are overly romantic from the start, have grammatical errors that don’t seem to fit their educational backgrounds or just overall seem inconsistent throughout their posts, feel like cut and paste and overly praising god.

    Having only one of these three in a post would not necessarily make me think he was a scammer. I find that they seem to have all three in the very first post.

    One way to check further is to share feelings in a way that is very local. For instance I had a guy just the other day who fit the above yet was more subtle than most. I said something like:

    “I’m feeling cool today with the drop in temperature. It will feel good once I start drinking my hot cup of tea and warming up…”

    He replied with:

    “Oh, yes it is cold over there.”

    And, he had listed in his profile that he was in my hometown.

    When I replied “Over where?”

    A long reply came about how he was overseas working to help the people…with many more grammatical errors and it just didn’t make sense.

    When I wrote a feeling message about my highschool and asked him about his…he said he’d grown up in Australia and yet was listed as a native american…

    There didn’t seem to be any u.s.a affiliations after all.

    Anyhow, I would mix up the feeling messages with things that only a person in that area would know (if he lists he lives in your area.) You will find out very soon that way…

    Good luck!

  220.  #220Laughing Goddess on October 11, 2012 at 6:15 pm

  221.  #221LoveAlways on October 11, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    “Stop trying to talk to him – and instead just smile and be available physically, sexually, as a great listener. I’m not asking you to ignore him – I’m asking you to focus on YOURSELF and becoming more independent.”

    This feels so warm and soft Rori!

  222.  #222Laughing Goddess on October 11, 2012 at 6:17 pm

  223.  #223ReceivingGirl on October 11, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    @105 Vixvette

    Has it been 9 years since you broke it off? I was a little confused about that. I think some people can change if they realize what the problem was and if they want to. I wonder what are your reasons for considering it? It sounded like he didn’t provide you with what you need.

  224.  #224Laughing Goddess on October 11, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    And here’s a small step to the solution: Unearth the anger iceberg by YOU changing YOUR reactions.

    Now – this is not a lifestyle – you don’t want to be with a man who is constantly berating you or withdrawing from you where you have to be the one always “changing” – this is an experiment, a test, a learning experience – and the goal is to unearth the anger and learn to TOLERATE the experience of it.

    Once you can get through surface stuff and into the rage that lies underneath – without all the arguing and fighting and nastiness that only uncovers a tiny part of the iceberg and actually DAMAGES a relationship – you’ll start to feel things loosen up and more affection, attention and love start to fill the space between you.

    Instead of running away, or making an excuse for yourself or DEFENDING yourself – you want to:

    1. Notice what’s going on with you.

    Are you being run by fear? Do you want to run away? Do you want to hit him? Are you going numb? Are you determined to do whatever you have to to make peace and get his approval?

    2. Speak the DEEPEST feeling you can find inside yourself.

    That could be “I feel scared.” “I feel so angry.” “I feel turned off.”

    When he questions you, just keep doing what you’re doing, saying your deepest feeling. If you have to put it in context, say “When I heard (you can repeat what he said here, or paraphrase it…just enough to let him know what you’re referring to…) – “I feel so tense…it felt awful…it feels scary..I felt like running…I feel like running…This doesn’t feel good to me…”

    3. Stand your ground.

    Don’t apologize for yourself, explain anything – and do not blame him, either.

    Look him straight in the eye, as best you can. Lean back. You are not attacking, you are expressing.

    What can you expect with doing it this way? All kinds of stuff will come up for you…

    You’ll feel shaky, you’ll feel upset – and you’ll feel ANGRIER than you’ve ever felt! And what’s more…as YOU feel more comfortable with YOUR anger – so will he.

    He’ll start to let you “have it.” He’ll start to let his anger out. And you have to be strong enough to hear anger and experience the ENERGY of anger – AS LONG AS IT’S NOT DIRECTED AT YOU!!

    This means – the moment he turns it on YOU – you say “I’m happy to hear your feelings, even your anger, but I don’t want to feel attacked…” and if he doesn’t change his words and copy what you’re doing (expressing his feelings instead of blaming YOU)…then you must TURN AROUND AND WALK AWAY…!

    When this happens, and emotions start to surface, I know it’s tough – but, actually – it’s fabulous!!! You are starting to communicate in a way that is triggering YOURSELF and your stuffed up and old feelings.

    Now – all we have to do is get a routine down for how to handle your emotions when they bubble up…The more you tell him the truth, in feeling messages, the more you will feel that you don’t WANT to feel – otherwise you would have done this a long time ago.

    Believe it or not – this is amazing PROGRESS. And – ALWAYS – the first emotion that shows up is ANGER.

  225.  #225Tam on October 11, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    Yikes, a lot of emotion came out today.
    It needed to.
    I was so happy earlier, under a pink sky, in a balmy night, with friends.
    I don’t need any more people bolting on me. Before, I used to think it’s how life is/ Push/pull, hot/cold..that is how people are. That is how life is.
    Now I know it is not.
    It is just what I knew and what kept me in the cycle of neverending pain. F*ck that.
    F*ck the cycle of pain that feels like love when it is just pain and nothing else.
    I am so done with that.
    I would never put myself through that again.
    Never in a million years.
    Happy, thank you, more please. More of the good stuff. The rest can go elsewhere.

  226.  #226ReceivingGirl on October 11, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    @225 Tam

    Amen to that!

  227.  #227Tam on October 11, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    I am so done with the sh*t. This is never going to happen to me again. I learnt a valuable lesson and I hope you all learn from it too.
    Never ever get stuck on a man who is ambivalent. You can be ambivalent, but if he is – get the h*ll out of there.
    Just sayin’
    I could have a greencard now. my life could be rosy and settled. Instead it all fell apart at the beginning of the year. Why? Because I made the wrong choice and I even KNEW I was making the wrong choice. I feel like a total idiot, but I forgive myself.
    And I forgive the past that created this human being that I was. And there is no going back to that.
    Never ever.
    You know, on my last night I was here months ago, he was coming up to see me and stood me up last minute. And instead of saying ‘sorry’, he said this:
    ‘if you’d have said you’d be at the door in a t-shirt, then I would have been there’
    – he made it my fault. Bollocks. Because he liked me in ‘T-Shirts’ and I am a dress girl. He wouldn’t have been there whatever I said because he was afraid of the intimacy the ‘last night’ would create. That’s all. I knew it then also. And I didn’t give him a hard time because I was doormat and ‘understanding’ Tam.
    He actually stood me up, and then twisted it as if it was me who ‘made him’ do it.
    I feel so angry with myself for being such a forgiving ‘friendly’ superficial woman when even at the time, I just wanted to say: thanks for letting me down the 100th time, and please don’t even contact me again.
    All the good qualities apart, why did I stand for the crap? I don’t know.
    Because of the friendship and the good stuff.
    Well, if he doesn’t like my boundaries now, should he ever be back he is going to be whacked by so many boundaries that he won’t even be able to stand up straight anymore. And I don’t mean walls, I mean boundaries.
    Ok, I think it is all out now.
    Thank you for letting me spam.
    Cancerous tumor has been removed.

  228.  #228Tam on October 11, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    phew. holy moly. that needed out.

  229.  #229tipper on October 11, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    so… heres my nightmare.
    at the end of june this year i was diagnosed with breast cancer. the man i have been with for 11 years and i have had problems in our relationship for the past 3 years. i always loved him but he was away from home 90 percent of the time because of where he worked so we drifted apart. we talked about separating , well he did. i didnt want to. then i was diagnosed with cancer and we stayed together and he has been with me through the whole cancer thing…. every doctor appointment and has never left me. but,,, we are not a couple. he loves me and i love him, the difference is i am still in love with him. he can’t commit to me right now because we have issues to deal with. he says who knows whats going to happen in the next 6 months. he wants to live his life and move on and see what happens, i can’t stay living with him. im scared he is with someone else when hes not home. there was a girl he became close to when we were having problems and he said he wanted to date her and see what happens but that was a while ago and im not sure when they have spent any time together because hes with me most of the time. i have decided to leave the area for a while and give each of us a break and for me to fix me. its killing me to leave him because i am so in love with him and i know he understands why i have to leave but hes sad although he wont admit it. my health comes first right now but my heart wants to be with him. i know we will always love each other and will always be a part of each others life. he holds my hand , hugs and kisses me all the time and we still sleep in the same bed, but he cant commit to me right now. im sad and confused and have to get away for a while, which im doing. we will talk every day and will skype all the time. my prayer is we will be a couple again soon.

  230.  #230Femininewoman on October 11, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    I feel giggly every time I see a man labelled as a spammer. I have been stood up the first date from a dating site. When he contacted me again he knew very early he was wasting his time. Another one recently was talking a mile a minute promising all kinds of things. I just leaned back and let him talk. Two calls and nothing since. It didn’t mean a thing to me.

  231.  #231Heart on October 11, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    is Feeling sad and despondent
    and loser-ish
    and pine-y

  232.  #232Tam on October 11, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    I just feel like I vomited all over the blog, and still have spasms but it’s all out now. I feel exhausted, as one does but also cleansed.

  233.  #233Starbright on October 11, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    Hmmm Femininewoman,

    Not “spammer” but “scammer.”

    A very good friend of mine got all caught up for a few weeks this past spring with such a guy. Not living like a siren at the time…but the final straw was an out of the country missed call from him…Anyhow I guess it can somewhat depend on if one is circular dating and doesn’t get her heart or finances too invested! Then giggle up a storm…

  234.  #234Tereana on October 11, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    Wow, cool. Whatever I did to help heal this “disappointment” problem worked great. Just today, I asked for something and was turned down, and I did NOT feel triggered or bad or disappointed. It was a totally new experience! And I didn’t take it personally, either.

    I actually know exactly what I did for it, too. I got up this morning and I tapped on it – doing eft – like it was my job. Lol. I think it *was* my job. And it worked! : )

    I feel so much better and on top of things, emotionally. I feel great! 🙂

    I might do this more often, till it’s totally gone. Yay, free eft!! : )

  235.  #235Starbright on October 11, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    And anyone can giggle anytime she chooses.

    Just felt a bit triggering to me…

    As silver moonbeam had asked several times for feedback…

    Practicing Feeling messages…great. Investing much of oneself…not so great.

  236.  #236Heart on October 11, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    Wow…is feeling better now!
    Yea…sinking into your feelings is great!

    I trust that all ok…and something better is on his way.

  237.  #237MissStix on October 11, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    Go tam!!


  238.  #238Tam on October 11, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    Thank you for holding my hair up Miss Stix 🙂

  239.  #239Butterfly wings on October 11, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    TH is gone for 3 weeks and I feel a teeny tinge of sadness, but overall I feel ok.

    My baby comes home tonight and I am writing down a list of all of the things we are going to do.

    Sunday will be my first night alone and I hope he’s thinking of me and sends me a message. That will feel good.

    But I have lots of things I’m planning to do with my business so hopefully I’ll be too tired to care. 😉

  240.  #240Janie Baby on October 11, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    Hey Rori + ladies,
    Background of my situation: Almost 2 years ago a good male friend (who had always been into me) confessed our feelings for each other and have been in a relationship ever since. For the first 8 months or so we were so in love and so obsessed with each other, but he was always so much more in love with me. We were best friends and we’d hang out every day and slept together almost every night. We would talk about marriage but we were only 20 and 21 at the time, so it was mostly fantasy. I was going to study abroad the next year in Europe and so he studied abroad for the fall semester but in a different country. We got together many times, and spent the holidays together. He was going back to the states in January and so we were gonna be apart for 6 months. We decided to break up, but we continued to talk all the time but then little by little communication decreased and he was always busy. I told him I needed more but then assumed we weren’t together and kissed someone else. he was very hurt and thought we were basically together. I came back to the states and things were different. He has more friends besides me. No girls, but hangs out with his guy friends alot. I was insecure and would cry because I felt like it was not the same as before. I got your ebook a few weeks ago, and since then, I’m trying to state my wants clearly with feeling messages, let go of my need to control, and I’m trying to find fun things to do for ME in my own life. He’s very busy now and works three jobs, but I can’t help but be hurt when tuesdays and thursdays he’d rather go to the bar with a male co worker than come over and sleep over with me. We stay at each other’s home like 3 times a week, and I feel sad that it’s not every night but at the same time we are only 22, so I don’t want to put pressure and I want to give the relationship time. I just feel myself getting upset and lonely even though I know he loves me when I’m with him and he calls me atleast every day and we see each other every other day or every 2 days. I just feel like its’ not enough but I’m too needy. any advice?

  241.  #241Rori Raye on October 11, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    Janie – you’re so young. If this is meant to be forever – it will be. In the meantime – enjoy the ride and get some professional help to weather the ups and downs. Love, Rori

  242.  #242Rori Raye on October 11, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Welcome, tipper, and I’m so sorry for all your pain. Moving out and starting to date other men is one thing – if you’re moving to where this becomes a long distance relationship (even 45 minutes by car is long) then you’re adding another obstacle. The way you make a relationship work is one good, bonding moment at a time. If your relationship is now filled with pain and drama – it doesn’t work well. This is about you getting happy again feeling safe, and feeling strong. Do that however you need to – and if you really want to make this work – I would not move far away. I likely wouldn’t move at all, but just Circular Date and work on myself. Love, Rori

  243.  #243Miss Bells on October 11, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    It depends on what kind of emotional support to an opposite sex friend. A phone call when they are in crisis? Perhaps. Bring them home for dinner if they had a big loss such as a death in the family? Am I allowed to be present for this meal? Is there secrecy?
    BUT– I need to stay with my “friend” all evening alone because she’s lonely?? Not a chance!!

  244.  #244Miss Bells on October 11, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    It all depends on the type of contact. I don’t mind if HS talks to the female half of couples we socialize with. I don’t mind if they exchange the occasional email, or if they call and he answers the phone, or if they chat for awhile at a party.
    This is different than a private secret relationship.

  245.  #245Tereana on October 11, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    Emerson – from the last thread:

    Of course the “disappointment” is/was a perception. But perception is always real to the perceiver. And it doesn’t matter, because I am talking about my little girl self here.

    I feel all prickly and my shackles going up – like why would you doubt my experience???

    Do you even know my childhood?!?

    I feel mad. I want to yell. That is not fair to discount MY EXPERIENCE, when my experience was real for me. I don’t care what you say, and I don’t care about “perception” versus reality right now. It WAS the reality. I have a very GOOD perception. I perceived it because it was real and it was there, and I don’t doubt it in the least. I don’t doubt myself and my abilities.

    I have the ability to take care of myself.

    And anyway, I have moved on to other things….

    [Sorry about having such strong emotion here. But you know what? I feel better for expressing myself….]

  246.  #246MissStix on October 11, 2012 at 9:09 pm


  247.  #247Tereana on October 11, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    I have been disappointed by a man tonight – again. but it feels different. actually, that part doesn’t feel too bad.

    The issue I am mainly focused on at the moment is CONTROL. I’ve got to admit it – I am still a Control Freak. When or if I can’t control something, I lose my sh*t (pardon the Frenche). I even have to control when I “control” and when I don’t. how’s that for controlling?? lol. Whoa. I’ve got it bad…And it’s kind of hitting me full force tonight.

    It’s been a long time since I got a pedicure, and tonight, I figured would be the night. I was looking forward to going out and taking care of myself, and “receiving” something. And it really started out well that way.

    And then I asked them to put a little flower on each of the big toes. I chose a design, and the girl agreed to do it, even though she didnt’ feel confident.

    Well, she did a really good job. I didn’t even watch while she was doing it – just read my magazine. And then when I looked – they were so cute! They were perfect! I could have just been done and walked out of there. But NOOoooo. I said they looked great, and she looked at me and said was that all?

    Instead of just saying, “yeah, thanks” – I grabbed the reins, and I pulled hard to the left. I asked if she could put some more dots, and started telling her where (she didn’t speak perfect English.) So she did one toe great, and then the other one, the dots were messed up. I asked her to fix it before putting the top coat. But she didn’t want to do that, so she took the whole thing off. Oh, it feels painful to even think about.

    This is called fixing what’s not broken. And I did it read bad tonight.

    I actually wish that I’d gone out of there with no flowers on my toes. The color was cute enough. But they kept trying. She had another girl try the flower, and it looked awful – the toes didn’t match.

    They took the polish off BOTH toes, and all the perfect cuteness was GONE. I feel so sad for the missed flowers 🙁 so, so sad. They were so cute and adorable…why – WHY did I have to ask for more???? Ughhhh.

    maybe my evening could have gone totally differently if I had NOT tried to “control the outcome.” If I had just let it be. But instead, I responded to her insecurity and tried to “make it all better.” And I didn’t.

    I walked out of there with flowers that look okay. But i hate them. I had my hands all over them, and I don’t even want to look at them. They look horrible to me. In fact, I feel awful that I even paid for them.

    I gave the girls tips for staying to help me out. But I am really – really – unsatisfied with the result. Ugh.

    I feel like I want to call the manager. I want to have the whole thing done again. I know I can’t retrieve that original cuteness. But the process is all messed up. I am hating my toes right now. i think I’ll take the polish off. It’s not making me happy right now 🙁

    And the guy who was coming to meet me was having a meeting tonight. I had a feeling it would run late, and I told him I couldn’t meet him after 8 or 8:30 at the latest. Well, his meeting got out at 8:30. I was still up for meeting at that point, but he was tired. So I feel disappointed – a little. but it’s not too bad. I’m also kind of relieved, because it means I get to go to bed earlier.

    dangit. But I really want to have s*x. lol. My darn libido. It won’t leave me alone. It won’t let me be a good princess and just be “pure” and “wholesome.” It means that, once in a while, my body just needs that touch, or it gets sad. : (

    I really want to get married. Then I won’t have to worry about whether or not I get a sex partner. I’m sure there will be other issues. And obviously, I want a marriage where the sex is mutually pleasurable, and we both feel like we get as much as we need, without the demand being too high. That sounds great to me. And I’m really looking forward to that.

    I of course enjoy being single. I enjoy the freedom. I love the abundance of all the different men who like me and want or hope to be with me. But it’s unsatisfying, in the end. It’s not really what I need or want to have in my life. I really want the commitment, the partnership, the intimacy.

    And I think that may look different than I think it does. But oh well. I’m going to go watch the magic of heartbreak now. And then I am going to go to sleep.

    I am putting a creamy frosting all around my heart, like a red velvet cupcake. My heart is a red velvet cupcake, and it needs frosting to make it sweeter and creamier, and to protect it from the environment.

    My heart is perfect and sweet and dangerous and enjoyable and delicious. And any man would want to be near me and with me, and enjoy the endless supply of sweetness and softness that comes with me and being in my heart. I feel that. And now I get to try and believe it. That I’m worth it. Not just a long drive north, or a trip across the country. But really IT – all of it. The whole shebang. The whole kit and caboodle.

    I’m still working on that belief. But…I’ll get there.

    hugses to sirens.

  248.  #248Miss Bells on October 11, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    HS also has a married female cousin that is his fave. He probably has a cousin-crush on her. But–hanging out with her alone is no biggie. She is his closest family, and he had no problem introducing me. She stayed with us for a couple of days, then they went on a rafting trip with some other cousins.
    She is an amazing woman.
    HS also has a crush on Salma Hyack. I told him “If she comes knocking on your door I will bow out” Good luck with that.
    That is all the “sharing” i want to do with OW.

  249.  #249siren song on October 11, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    hey sirens,

    just wanted to say ‘hi!’.

    things are fabulous over here…not stressing or efforting over a man…i have a cd i’m not attracted to who won’t stop texting me…i’m not feeling it, but am getting into my not-feeling-him-feelings.

    another cd from work is soooo open and wonderful and helpful. he gives to me a lot and is great to work with. he feels good to be around.

    i’m enjoying just observing men and how i feel about them…not trying to make anything happen.

    love to you all!!

  250.  #250siren song on October 11, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    also, today i realised i’m an amazing catch! i feel weird saying/writing that out loud!

  251.  #251Silver Moonbeam on October 11, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    #179 Laughing Goddess

    Thank you I am still working on it lol!!! Pre RR I would have replied within an hour, if not sooner!!!

  252.  #252Silver Moonbeam on October 11, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    #219 Starbright

    Interesting you would think this guy is a scammer, I don’t get that feeling but it’s possible.

    I came across many scammers on match dot com and got familiar with their MO. If he is a scammer then he has picked on the wrong person as I only make it pay to pay and have no extra money for scammers lol!!!

    Thank you

  253.  #253Vi on October 12, 2012 at 12:30 am

    April Rose hi 🙂

    From the previous thread – yesterday I felt anger cuz MH (my husband) overreacted and made a rude comment about me.

    My anger felt so overflowing yesterday that I felt so in a hurry to channel it and take an active care of me that I didn’t check for the comments. Now it feels late to answer, but I felt so ‘aww’ reading your question, that I feel glad to do it anyway 🙂

    So my ‘active care’ included attending to my anger here on the blog, eft, and sleeping in another room ’cause there I felt less triggered and safer emotionally… It also included no me making him breakfast the next morning but me leaving early for a walk with mom and taking us to our local rose garden 🙂 .

    MH apologized today. My feelings are .. mmm… turned off and curious.

  254.  #254Vi on October 12, 2012 at 12:35 am

    Actually I really do love my anger. I feel embarrassed to admit how good and ‘at home’ I feel when I feel it….. sigh. I feel more relaxed writing it ‘out loud’. I also feel that my teeth are clenched. I love my teeth. I love my tension.

  255.  #255Vi on October 12, 2012 at 12:53 am

    mmm… Anger is so much connected with my idea of family and love… I’ve been fighting with my mom through all my childhood…. and then it stopped… (when I was in my teens I guess?)… the relationship with MH reminds me of my childhood fights with mom… I feel numb about it and I feel tension in the forearms and shoulders… and neck.. I love my neck and my arms and shoulders… it’s okay to relax… I’ll take care of you… I love you.. I love my tension.. I feel embarrassed…
    Well if I’m here then there is another part of me that wants to explore other ways of expressing love … It’s okay to express love the way it is being expressed by my relatives, be it mom or husband.. and it’s okay to feel like choosing smth. else… omg, I love my intuition! I feel in awe of my instincts pulling me toward new, better, healthier things… it’s okay to want smth. different … (((((((((((((((part wanting smth. different)))))))))))

  256.  #256Emerson on October 12, 2012 at 1:03 am

    245 tereana I was not doubting your experience I was asking a genuine question for clarification because no i don’t know your childhood.

  257.  #257Emerson on October 12, 2012 at 1:04 am

    Ugh silver moonbeam this is why i feel frustrated with online dating and I stopped.

  258.  #258Emerson on October 12, 2012 at 1:11 am

    255 vi I tend to be attracted to negative people (not so much anymore) and I realized my sisters are very negative/critical and always have been. I’ve changed and distanced from them so I attract more positive people now.

  259.  #259Heart on October 12, 2012 at 1:29 am

    wow I feel so low.
    Intuitively I get that it’s over between me and CudG.
    It’s sinking in and I feel disappointed and sad
    and I feel hopeless…
    and I’m blaming myself a little for pushing him away…

    but I’m also relieved and grateful that he moved on…
    and I’m also being gentle with myself and reminding myself that You can’t do the wrong thing with the right man!

    I just need 2 days to feel all the emotions and just give myself the permission to feel bad.
    I plan on getting back into the swing of things in a few days.

  260.  #260Sirenity on October 12, 2012 at 2:02 am


    You sound sane, measured and fair to me ..but then i am a woman..:)

    I wonder if he is offering you the relationship you WANT? If not..then you know what to do, dont you ? Circular Date. After all , this casual contact online with women is likely to be an ongoing thing when he is deployed if you accept it now.

    ” I feel surprised and sad and mad when i think that I am not the only woman in your life. . I feel safe when I am not only exclusive with you, but also feel all your romantic and sensual energy focused on ME. It feels bad when this energy leaks out of the relationship .

    I understand we may not be looking for the same things

    I just dont want to pressure you. It would feel so much better to UNpressure things here and keep my options open till you know what you want with me in the long term. I intend to see other men and accept dates , though i will be sexually exclusive with you. ”

    uuugh not a good FM, but something like that maybe..

    I feel very uncomfortable thinking of your man chatting with other “prospectives” .He is CD’ing. Rori speaks of why its not OK for him to CD if HE is the one who is uncommitted .

  261.  #261Heart on October 12, 2012 at 2:48 am

    omgad! – I can’t believe Rori told one of the new girls to get “professional help”.

    *Laughing uncontrollably!
    Sorry for being rude….but that just comes across as So funny when you’re reading it on the internet…

    I’m going to buy my little girl some ice-cream…

  262.  #262Sirenity on October 12, 2012 at 3:01 am


    I too had breast cancer , and an uncommitted man. We were living by then in different countries after a five year history. Mine did the opposite and reappeared to care for me after the mastectomy, and held me and cloaked me in his love. I felt safe for the first time in that whole nightmare. Then he left. Actually he abandoned me , ill, in a city away from family .

    And returned to chasing someone else.

    So//we have come at it from different angles , but the point is , to get over the illness you must get over him. You must lavish your own self , mind , body and heart in love and care and pampering . You must set him free . I still believe my very painful, stressful history with this man and my self abandonment CAUSED my breast cancer.

    I am physically healed now. I am struggling to let a man near me ( or meet one who I even feel a spark for ) , but I AM loving me a lot more.

  263.  #263Tam on October 12, 2012 at 3:37 am

    Oh, and he sold one of the boats…my favourite one. Good times we had with it too. Sold without even taking me one last time. He took all our friends in the last few weeks…but couldn’t wait for me. He must have just sold it in the last couple of days.
    I didn’t need any more confirmation, just another nail in the coffin of the ‘friendship’ or whatever it was.
    Able to see more clearly now.

    I can take care of my little girl….maybe I will try to sneak out a fish for my dinner today, from one of the nice men on the fishing pier…

    Actually, I feel very calm now and non-resistant to change. Everything changes and I can live with that.
    There will be good and bad changes.

  264.  #264April Rose on October 12, 2012 at 3:39 am


    It feels good to hear you processing your anger.
    And I feel smiley reading that you love it.


  265.  #265Vi on October 12, 2012 at 3:40 am

    Thanks, Emerson! Opting out feels very helpful to me too.

  266.  #266Tam on October 12, 2012 at 3:41 am

    The more I understand this surrendering, the more I can let things happen.
    I am almost resisting of putting in ‘too much effort’ even into work now but that’s bad. I have been trying so much, to get myself straight working and applying to other jobs and dating etc.
    It would feel good to just make minimum effort and relax and see what happens.
    I can’t afford to, but perhaps I can affort to let up a little…trying too hard has actually failed to get results…hmmmm

  267.  #267Tam on October 12, 2012 at 3:46 am

    no more assuming things either, that’s very freeing too.

  268.  #268Vi on October 12, 2012 at 3:50 am

    mm… Actually I practiced opting out before, but not for taking care of me and processings, but as means to manipulate… sigh… to make ‘them’ miss me and see them come back to me and then I will have a right to think: ‘you see, you need me more than I need you, it’s you who came back, I am better than you’…. omg it feels so clueles now…. ((((((((cute clueless Vi)))))))))) feeling sad … it’s okay to feel sad … I am a wonderful kid ..hehe

  269.  #269April Rose on October 12, 2012 at 3:53 am

    Hello Sirens,

    I’m feeling very irritated with a woman I work with. I want to punch her face.

    Not sure what the feeling is – jealousy?

    All I know is I have a headache listening to her voice banging on about her usual topics.

    What do I do? Sink into the headache?

  270.  #270April Rose on October 12, 2012 at 3:54 am

    The voice is low and silky and monotonous.

    Droning on about healers and goddesses and such.

    When she’s not doing that she is bossing her boyfriend about, and having tantrums if she doesn’t get her way.

  271.  #271Heart on October 12, 2012 at 3:56 am

    punch her in the face!

    just kidding

  272.  #272Tam on October 12, 2012 at 3:58 am

    April Rose, that made me smile….punching her face…hehe…don’t do it 😉

    I don’t know. I have been irritated a lot recently and always try now to bring it back to me. What is it in me that is irritated? Is it really the person?
    Do I envy them for something? Are they over-confident and I am under-confident and can learn something?
    Usually it is people that are ‘full of themselves’ that trigger me…is it me not being full of myself? And why not? Shouldn’t I be my cheerleader?

    And if it really is about not being able to do one’s job with a person being obnoxious or whatever I try to get out of their way. Can you?

  273.  #273April Rose on October 12, 2012 at 3:58 am

    Is it reflecting a part of me that I’m judging and hating?

    I don’t like manipulators.

    I am a manipulator. I love that part of me. Sigh…

  274.  #274Vi on October 12, 2012 at 3:59 am

    Hey April Rose! 🙂

  275.  #275April Rose on October 12, 2012 at 4:01 am

    Thanks Heart and Tam!

    I want to punch her!!! Ha hah ha.

    She keeps answering the questions I am asking to other people.


  276.  #276April Rose on October 12, 2012 at 4:02 am

    Hello Vi

    I’ve got a healthy dose of the old anger just now!

    Enjoying it (although wanting to punch somebody’s face in)

  277.  #277Tam on October 12, 2012 at 4:03 am

    Ladies, one thing I have noticed. Women who are bossy, know what they want and order their men around….they get married.
    Yesterday again my friend….she is having all her dreams come true. And he confided in me: ‘oh, I didn’t want to come out tonight, I just wanted to watch TV, but she MADE me. I don’t know why she always makes me do these things when I don’t enjoy them’. Yet, he does everything to make her happy because he loves her.
    And the fact that he confided in me makes me think ‘do all men just see me as a friend they can trust and confide in? Am I too nice and understanding? Is this why she got the ring and I haven’t even got a bf?’.
    I must say, there is something to it.
    I feel happy that men confide in me, but sad that they are not inspired to step up. At least not the ones I like.
    I am the safe one. The one who gets told everything. The trusted one.
    But I am not the exciting one, the one to fall in love with, to propose to, to run her door in?
    I feel blue.

  278.  #278April Rose on October 12, 2012 at 4:05 am


    No-one’s actually being obnoxious. I perceive her as being sweet and silky and snake-like.

    In a room full of men. Actually there is us two women and four men.

    Shut up in front of MY men. Bi*tch!

  279.  #279Tam on October 12, 2012 at 4:07 am

    April Rose…punch her.
    Grind sleeping tablets into her tea.
    I dunno.
    I wanted to punch that woman who posted bikini pictures of her aging body all over fb…I wanted to drive up to her house and say: ‘don’t be ridiculous woman.’
    Of course this was all about me, still.
    I felt like lashing out.
    I still feel like lashing out, even writing to MrP ‘well, now you sold the boat and didn’t even bother to take me out one more time, I don’t want to help you with anything, sell your junk yourself’.
    Of course I won’t.
    But I sure feel like it.
    He said he wants ‘no more friction before going to Europe”….me saying that it would feel good to get picked up is friction. Well, sod that. Take your backside to Europe and get your sh** sorted yourself.
    Anger bubbling again.
    Must do some work.

  280.  #280Tam on October 12, 2012 at 4:08 am

    278 April Rose, haha!! You are feeling territorial…

  281.  #281April Rose on October 12, 2012 at 4:10 am

    I need to shift this. It keeps repeating. We work together closely in this group.

    Okay, I feel headachey. Ear tension, hot prickles. Tight scalp. Tension in solar plexus. Body tight and screwed up. Vagina closed. Leg muscles stiffening.

    Mainly the headache, though. Temples feel like there are nuts and bolts being tightened in there.
    Back of skull – hot clenching. Ouch ouch ouch.


  282.  #282Silver Moonbeam on October 12, 2012 at 4:11 am

    My siren ways may be working a little too well, a man who lives in my block of flats just asked me would I like to go for a drink, he’s 82!!!!!!!!!!!


  283.  #283April Rose on October 12, 2012 at 4:12 am

    OUCH my head

  284.  #284April Rose on October 12, 2012 at 4:13 am

    Yay SMB!

    Let them all ask. Ha ha.

    You sexy siren.

  285.  #285Tam on October 12, 2012 at 4:14 am

    282 SMB, happened to me recently, guy was almost 70…but he was not your typical 70 year old, he was actually sexy and looked better than many half his age (shape, hair, face etc). I was totally surprised.
    Never saw someone that age before that I found ‘sexy’. But it wasn’t just me, my friend also said ‘wow, that guy had a spark’.
    You could use him for practice – I assume he hasn’t got ‘that spark’…

  286.  #286April Rose on October 12, 2012 at 4:17 am

    Oh Tam

    “He said he wants ‘no more friction before going to Europe”….me saying that it would feel good to get picked up is friction.”

    I hear ya.
    Gahhh, I hate that.
    Stick with it, babe. I’ve switched to Rori’s way and it’s not going down well with men who knew me pre-Rori.
    I’m standing by myself through the transition.

  287.  #287Tam on October 12, 2012 at 4:25 am

    286. Yes April Rose. I think the trouble is that I used to think nothing could upset our friendship anymore after all we have gone through.
    I realise now that this is not true.
    It means also that he was insincere about it, making it romantic despite of what he said…it wouldn’t be a problem if we were just friends, he’d have said ‘can’t pick you up sorry’, or ‘I’ll pick you up’.
    The whole thing wouldn’t have been such a big deal.
    A man who isn’t honest to himself and runs from everything (the Europe thing is also running from problems he has here), really doesn’t inspire me anymore.
    I thought we had turned a corner last year, being able to speak authentically, him also. I guess it was just a ‘phase’.

  288.  #288Tam on October 12, 2012 at 4:30 am

    I still have trouble asserting my boundaries, not just with men.
    Thre is a lady who gave me some work – and although the assumption was that it would be paid, I was quite happy to do this writing work for practice also. So I did quite a bit in my spare time.
    She said we’d meet today at her office….and yesterday morning I sent an email asking if it was still on and what time she wanted me there.
    Bearing in mind that this is a professional, who checks her email regularly, I have had no answer nearly 24 hours later.
    I have to give notice that I am taking the afternoon off to the guys I work with remotely.
    This is pi***ing me off now.
    So now I have to start laying down some boundaries?
    If she emails me now, I want to say ‘sorry, since you did not get back with me I did not make arrangements to take the afternoon off’.
    I’d feel bad but wouldn’t that be reasonable?
    I have such trouble stating my boundaries.

  289.  #289Heart on October 12, 2012 at 4:30 am

    Sirens – why do we get hung up on men?
    whats the psychology behind it…

  290.  #290Heart on October 12, 2012 at 4:32 am


  291.  #291Heart on October 12, 2012 at 4:33 am

    Tam – awesome rant btw…now reading it…good to get that stuff out…

  292.  #292Heart on October 12, 2012 at 4:38 am

    Dominique – that tension releasing technique…is amazing…I want to do it all day.
    Is it ok to do it when your doing stuff…or like sitting on the train etc?

  293.  #293Vi on October 12, 2012 at 4:38 am

    Once I felt hugely triggered with a colleague of mine. And my irritation was caused by her constantly being in a victim role. The sound of her voice felt unbearable. Needless to say that at that time I felt completely as a victim myself – in my personal life, with MH.
    …mmm recalling this situation now I feel my shoulders going up… I feel my facial expression is like I ate smth. sour… okay I feel ashamed of my victim part of me …. sigh.. ((((((((victim in me)))))))) what if it’s okay to feel a victim? ..pouty lips… okay I hate this part of me. I feel angry at it. I judge myself for having it…. sigh.. If I have (had) this part I do heed (needed) it… fighting the reality is such an energy drain… maybe I did need it. Maybe I needed people’s attention. Maybe I didn’t know other ways to connect… and my intentions were not to put my problems on people or look weak but to connect. Exclamation mark! Wanting to connect is a good thing, right? I got attention from mom mainly when I felt ill… she stayed with me at home… mmm and I got that doll I dreamt of as a gift that was supposed to help me feel better once I caught a cold… and that plush orange donkey (hehe)… I’ve got a very high temperature then and they went and bought it to me … why should I judge people and myself for trying to connect by ways they know and feel comfortable with? they may be unaware of other ways to connect… and it’s okay to want to connect … it’s okay to connect by ways a person used to connect.. sigh.. I feel much more relieved… Thank you.

  294.  #294Tam on October 12, 2012 at 4:38 am

    heart, I feel embarrassed. But it’s really like it has all come out now and I feel clean inside.
    I don’t feel happy but somehow cleansed and resistant to all the bs.

  295.  #295mlc on October 12, 2012 at 4:40 am

    Receiving Girl 217 – Emotional support to a REAL friend would be fine with me. I feel as you do that I want to be with a man whose character would not allow him to cross any lines. I thought he was that man. My confusion and hurt and distrust come from finding out this communication was going on purely by accident. I had no idea. And I am certain he knows that if I had known, it wouldn’t have been (and is not) okay with me. TRUST HONESTY

    Sirenity 260 – Thank you for your confirmation. It is important to me to know that I am going to handle this calmly, rationally and intelligently.

    I like what you have suggested. I am going to tweak things just a bit, but it’s an interesting proposal to continue seeing him and being sexually exclusive with him while keeping MY options open, which is what I feel HE was doing without me knowing it. But then again, do I really want to be with a man who would do that in the first place? I wonder how he would react if I posed that suggestion to him.

  296.  #296mlc on October 12, 2012 at 4:41 am

    and I am so grateful for the advice and suggestions and points of view I find on this site. I always come here when I need those things and I am never disappointed.

  297.  #297Tam on October 12, 2012 at 4:42 am

    Heart, maybe we get hung up because we always want what we can’t have? Kind of a human trait, really, the same for men.
    It’s annoying though, I aspire to never want what I can’t have anymore.

  298.  #298Heart on October 12, 2012 at 4:45 am

    Tam – interesting…I need to think about that for a while…

  299.  #299Tam on October 12, 2012 at 4:52 am

    As a practice for my triggers and getting triggered by a woman past her prime posting one million bikini pictures, and close up face pictures of herself on fb yesterday, I am posting a couple of bikini pictures now too. Yes, it seems silly, and I hate to do it but there is obviously something there that needs to be gotten out of my system. So there.
    It’s kinda like one step forward and two steps back, however, the step forward comes quicker these days….I have seriously taken steps back since getting here. I put it down to anxiousness and healing rather than attributing it to ‘going backwards’.
    I still have Dominiques words in my head ‘there is no going backwards’. I slipped temporarily, but I know myself enough now to know it is all about me and to know how to flip out of it.
    Not projecting it anymore.
    These are all my issues.
    That feels so good to know, because it means I can sort them out. Slathering on the love 🙂

  300.  #300Sirenity on October 12, 2012 at 4:57 am

    SMB that is hilarious!! GO ! 🙂

  301.  #301Tam on October 12, 2012 at 5:03 am

    Boundary: if the lady doesn’t confirm our meeting by 10:00 am this morning, I am not going.
    This may hurt me, but I don’t want to work with someone who can’t keep me informed anyway.
    I am not a beggar or a little girl, I am a professional too.

  302.  #302Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 5:15 am

    Yayy SMB

  303.  #303Finding Me on October 12, 2012 at 5:15 am

    Good Morning. I don’t know where to begin…Rori, I have been listening to you for several months now and you have been such an inspiration! I am trying very hard to circular date (CD?). I met a man 5 months ago and as always everything was great in the beginning, I could take him or leave him and he chased, then somewhere along the way things turned around and I find myself chasing him, which I believe is what he wants me to do, but that does not make me feel good, I feel desperate and I feel needy and I do not like how that feels. I want to be able to lean back and unzipper my heart, but I feel scared. I feel almost panicky at the thought that if I do not text him I will not hear from him. I waited 4 days the last time and then I felt overcome with fear that he might think I was no longer interested. I know what I must do but I don ‘t know how to do it. It feels so hard!

  304.  #304Dominique on October 12, 2012 at 5:23 am

    Hear – 292 – Absolutely. I do it constantly, all day long, checking in with myself, sitting, standing, lying down.

    I feel really pleased it’s helping you.


  305.  #305Dominique on October 12, 2012 at 5:25 am

    Tam – I feel curious about something which has come up several times.

    What is this anger, though maybe it’s fear, you’ve been expressing over an aging woman about? Can an older woman not look and feel sexy and attractive, gorgeous?


  306.  #306Sirenity on October 12, 2012 at 5:31 am

    I cant find Dominique’s tension releasing technique.

  307.  #307Tam on October 12, 2012 at 5:31 am

    304…Dominique, absolutely. What triggered me is the posting of the bikini pictures and the bragging actually. Not so much the age and wrinklinesss…we all get there. It’s not about her, it’s clearly about me. Maybe I am jealous?
    Maybe I feel turned off?
    I am so totally non-ageist, my friends are age range from 20’s to 80’s.
    So I don’ know.
    Perhaps I feel inferior of the lifestyle, I have no idea what it is.
    I knew it would upset people on here and I don’t mean to. Perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut.

  308.  #308Silver Moonbeam on October 12, 2012 at 5:33 am

    #285 Tam

    Absolutely NO spark at all, very nice old gentleman who has lived an interesting life, he was an actor and comes from a theatrical family where they were/are all on the stage. 🙂

  309.  #309Tam on October 12, 2012 at 5:34 am

    I just feel frustrated maybe, that I have not inspired a man to step up and reach out to me, where others are clearly succeeding.
    Yep, maybe that is it.
    I feel inferior and small and girl-like, not like a woman.
    Maybe that’s what it is. Urgh.

  310.  #310Tam on October 12, 2012 at 5:38 am

    Perhaps I feel she is more attractive and gorgeous and alluring than I am. It has nothing to do with age.

  311.  #311mlc on October 12, 2012 at 5:40 am

    297 you CAN have ANYTHING you want…but you have to be patient and you have to be willing not to settle for less. Dream big… : )

  312.  #312Dominique on October 12, 2012 at 5:41 am

    Tam – It’s good you expressed this. I can’t speak for the others, but I don’t feel offended. I feel concern for you and what might be causing this turmoil inside you.

    What I think this may be about is that you don’t feel that free an easy to express yourself in the way she has, so kind of a jealousy thing. BUT I also think someone, anyone who does plaster photos of themselves all over in this way, male or female, likely has some deep insecurities. I could say more but will leave it here.


  313.  #313mlc on October 12, 2012 at 5:42 am

    297 – AND you have to actually KNOW what you REALLY want.

  314.  #314Silver Moonbeam on October 12, 2012 at 5:43 am

    I am not offended either Tam and I am 59. 🙂

  315.  #315Dominique on October 12, 2012 at 5:47 am

    Tam – Small and girl like is a WONDERFUL, beautiful thing. I feel like this all the time, and I’ve come to love this part of me. My spirit will never be musty, dusty.

    As for attracting a man, sometimes having this happen at an older age is best for a woman, for the couple. You’ve got most of your growing pains out of the way, you know what you want and don’t want, you have gained enough maturity to create something lovely with wisdom and experience and much healing having already been achieved.

    I feel really glad K and I got together at a much later time, not when we first met.

    Your time will come. It will.


  316.  #316Tam on October 12, 2012 at 5:50 am

    311 Thank you Dominique and SMB, I really did not want to offend anyone, and if you knew me personally, you’d know that I absolutely love women’s bodies and shapes and faces of all ages…and ironically I am someone who always feels that naturally aging and taking care of oneself without starving oneself or using unnatural things on one’s body is so much more attractive…
    So it is totally about me. I feel like a bad girl maybe triggering some Ladies here and that is not what I wanted. I feel bad for even mentioning it now.

    I guess maybe just the bragging ‘the world has seen me in a bikini and loves it’ kinda thing just got me riled up…and all the men incl MrP commenting on it. Is that what it takes to be seen?
    To brag and boast and posing half naked on a public website? Making tons of those photos visible to the public, not even private. Maybe. Then I am not part of that. It’s not me.
    Then I don’t want to be seen.
    Perhaps I should disband my fb for a while.
    Perhaps I should keep being triggered and seeing what it brings up to heal.

  317.  #317Tam on October 12, 2012 at 5:54 am

    314 Thank you Dominique.

  318.  #318Tam on October 12, 2012 at 5:58 am

    I have changed my photo one where I am totally unglamorous, doing the job I used to love, no make-up and mad hair. That is me. I don’t need to do what other people do because I am unique and I am me.
    I feel better now.
    Urgh. Two strange days.
    Onwards and upwards.

  319.  #319Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 6:04 am

    I feel so much love for myself today. It was easy for me to visualize the Waterwheel of Love turn towards me and showering on me heavily.

    I saw a couple and the man was obviously “holding” on to his woman’s hand. I sensed she was allowing him and her wrist was a bit limp and him holding her. I believe he sensed my focus on them though I was trying not to look directly. He turned his head and looked toward me for a minute as if wondering whose attention he felt focussed on him.

  320.  #320Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 6:06 am

    RE 314 aaawwww Dominique. That feels so good and comforting to read.

  321.  #321Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 6:10 am

    I feel laughy at myself this morning. I want to be seen and validated. I want the world to acknowledge that I am big and bold and smart. I feel like neon fuschia, shining my energy out in the world.

    I acknowledge me.
    I love me.

  322.  #322Iamabutterfly on October 12, 2012 at 6:11 am

    I feel really powerful. It feels great to finally understand how much power I have, when too often, I had felt powerless.

    I want to be respected and appreciated, and I know I will be, by the right guy.

    It feels soooo awful when a guy underestimates me. Nothing infuriates me more!

    Even though I’m fairly young myself, I feel so great with younger men, because I feel like they respect me more and DON’T underestimate me.

    Men my age or older, I don’t think they understand how ON to them I am. I KNOW when they are being authentic with me, I KNOW when they are playing games, I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW. and I love that knowledge. It feels empowering and liberating and it makes me feel sexy!

    Okay, actually I feel like this happens more with guys my age. Older men don’t really underestimate me, either. It’s just guys my age, I would say from 24-35. That age range with men…something’s triggering about it to me. Hmm…that feels curious.

    I feel less threatened by younger men because they are “smart” enough to know that they do not know it all, and they don’t pretend like they do.

    I feel more respected by men older than that because it’s like they know they’re lucky to get a Spring Chickie like me! hehe.

    My neighbor who stopped to talk to me because he realized we’re from the same place? Waaaay older than me, and I like it! That feels kinda strange…I’m ridiculously attracted to men in their early forties. It’s like they are established, but humble because they are “starting to get older.”

    There’s something really attractive about a confident/humility balance.

    or maybe it’s a vulnerability thing. I LOVE VULNERABLE men. or just when any man is vulnerable with me. especially if it’s something you can’t see just by observing him out in his life.

    Tam, I’m really young and I get triggered by the age thing, too. It’s because of a repeated pattern of feeling threatened by girls in their late teens and early twenties, getting left for them when I’m not taking good care of myself or closing myself off, I mean.

    NEVER underestimate the value of EXPERIENCE. It gives you unbelievably alluring layers to your soul.


  323.  #323Siren Angel on October 12, 2012 at 6:14 am


    Thank you for your presence here. You are truly inspiring and a gift.


  324.  #324Tam on October 12, 2012 at 6:14 am

    I may feel small and unseen and like a little girl.
    Maybe I am, maybe I will always be.
    But that does not mean that I will accept crumbs anymore.
    And it does not mean that I can’t stick to my boundaries.
    I want to be strong on the inside and I will be.
    It feels good to know and believe in that.

  325.  #325Iamabutterfly on October 12, 2012 at 6:19 am

    This one guy who is younger than me, I feel small and girl-like with him. I love the way we interact. Like, we’ll be talking about life or whatever, and sometimes I find myself telling him “things I’ve learned,” but I love that he doesn’t seem to mind. He is so masculine, he knows a lot more about “that world” than I do, so I still find so much to listen to and appreciate about him.

    and I’ve found that he WANTS to talk to me about emotional stuff, I suppose because he can sense my emotional inteligence. this one time he was sooo eager to talk to me because he was feeling really angry about something and just wanted some empathy I guess?

    I love studying about emotional processes, and I talk about it sometimes when I’m reading literature or just when observing people and talking about reactions and things like that.

    He always seems fascinated by it all and can never seem to get enough.

    It feels great that he looks up to me in that way.

    I look up to him because he is SO driven and passionate about his work, and decisive. Even though he hasn’t experienced as much “life” as I have, he still has these perspectives and qualities that I can look up to and admire….

  326.  #326Iamabutterfly on October 12, 2012 at 6:20 am

    @322 Siren Angel – I agree 100%. Dominique, you are a jewel!

  327.  #327Tam on October 12, 2012 at 6:21 am

    And, point being, if it takes me pretending I am someone else, to get men to step up – then it’s not ‘real’, is it?
    I have to learn to love myself first for exactly the person I am and my little girl persona.
    And I believe that will attract those who will love me also just the way I am.
    I reserve my bikini body for those.

  328.  #328Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 6:21 am

    You don’t want to feel the walls and blocks inside of yourself that you still do. It hurts feeling your heart still feeling tight and closed off so much of the time. It aches still feeling the areas of tension you have in your body which just makes you feel cranky and irritable way too much of the time. You don’t want to feel the disconnected feeling which still comes up within, for yourself and everyone else. You hate still feeling like an outsider sometimes. And you still make SO many mistakes. You still……….whatever it is you are still struggling with, whatever it is which is plaguing you this gloomy feeling day.

  329.  #329Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 6:28 am

    I wonder what is my prime?
    Is it a number I have in my head that I consider that I should have already had all the fun that life will allow me to have?
    Is it a number that I have decided after I get there I now need to prepare to die and give up on living?
    Is it the time that I decide all the joy is sucked out?
    I wonder what I consider my prime?

  330.  #330Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 6:29 am

    Is it a point in time where I believe I become invisible to men so they don’t feel attracted to me?
    Is it a point where I don’t feel attractive and just want to feel mean and lash out?
    I wonder what is my prime?

  331.  #331Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 6:30 am

    I wonder what is my belief about aging?

  332.  #332Tam on October 12, 2012 at 6:39 am

    329…I am also wondering. Actually, I felt much less attractive in my 20’s than I feel now. Objectively speaking, I looked better, younger then. So it’s all in the mind.
    Also, I was looking at a picture of my friend in her 30’s yesterday. She is now in her 50’s. I realised that she is now in better shape, dresses better, and looks all around much better and more confident….of course she looks more aged. Still. I told her that I find her a million times more attractive now in her 50’s than what she looked like in her 30’s.
    She smiled and I think she said that she ‘feels better’ now.
    It seems to be all about how we feel about ourselves.
    I saw this 90 year old lady here last week, she was mesmerising.
    I rest my case.

  333.  #333T-Girl on October 12, 2012 at 6:45 am

    Silver Moonbeam, I am just catching up on the blog but I agree with you about the email seeming like a copy and paste. I had a similar situation. You can really tell when you ask questions that don’t get answered. It will be interesting to hear his response to your latest email about meeting.

  334.  #334Tam on October 12, 2012 at 6:46 am

    And now, I wrote to the lady that never got back to me (which annoyed me), that I take it we won’t meet this afternoon. And that it would be fine and we can reschedule when I live closer to her again as right now it is quite difficult to get to her (hence the advance notice).
    It feels good to assert a little boundary (no last minute) and I feel much more powerful than to wait for an answer.
    She had 24 hours to get back to me. I think I have been fair and square.
    I feel relieved not to be ‘waiting around’.
    I feel tired of waiting around on other peep’s schedules.

  335.  #335T-Girl on October 12, 2012 at 6:51 am

    Yesterday I learned about myself that I really do have some issues about relationships and money. I had to buy a car yesterday because my old one died. During the negotiations the salesman wanted me to put money down on the car but I kept telling him no because I don’t have a down payment. J kept saying I can helpyou but I insisted to the salesman no and successfully negotiated. I guess all I could think was thatJ would think I was using him or something. Today I am going to tell him how much I appreciate that he was with me yesterday to help me.

  336.  #336Daria on October 12, 2012 at 6:55 am


    My bikini body is for me!

    I feel angry being told to reserve it for some appropriate people

    I feel angry being judged for being myself!

    I feel yelly!

    I love my yelly self

    I love my compelled to argue self!

    I love my defensive self.

    I feel all tight bootycheeks angry!

    I love my hmmm

  337.  #337Daria on October 12, 2012 at 6:58 am

    I do not want to feel scared or judged being on the beach or showing my amazing body!


    Feeling angry and defensive. I love my anger and defensiveness

    I live how I can feel myself stiffen up like a board


    I love my hmmm

  338.  #338Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 6:59 am

    T-Girl the other thing that is coming to me after reading your comment is “how much influence am I willing to accept from a man. How willing am I to allow him to influence my decisions”.

  339.  #339Tam on October 12, 2012 at 6:59 am

    Thanks for being able to come here. I can’t discuss a lot of my feelings, insecurities and fears with the people in my ‘real’ life, hence this place is invaluable for me. I fear to be judged and ridiculed in the ‘outside world’ for still being stuck in some areas of my life.
    It has helped me so much to not lash out, and not create more drama than is already present, in my everyday life.
    I feel very grateful to be able to come here…and I do hope that in the course of my processing, I never offend any of you lovely ladies. That would feel bad.

  340.  #340Daria on October 12, 2012 at 7:00 am

    Femininewoman – wow I really see u as neon fuschia too!

  341.  #341Daria on October 12, 2012 at 7:01 am

    My lil girl feels sad

    I live my sadness

    I live my anger

    I love my depression

  342.  #342Daria on October 12, 2012 at 7:04 am

    Well maybe I have some deep insecurity but I certainly don’t feel it! Lol


  343.  #343Daria on October 12, 2012 at 7:05 am

    I feel al judgemental, if the woman was here on island the poster would likely be oh that’s awesome way to Rock on and honor yourself.

  344.  #344Tam on October 12, 2012 at 7:06 am

    If you don’t mind I will spam a little more.
    I believe good things will come to me.
    But not by trying too hard or loosening my boundaries. A little like telling the lady I would like to know what’s happening. I wouldn’t have done that before.
    I feel like treating myself to something nice today though I can’t really afford it. Could I still do it, and trust that good things, like more money, will come to me? Maybe the reason why they are not coming to me is because I lack the trust. trust in myself and the Universe. I am trying too hard.

  345.  #345Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 7:06 am

    I feel triggered reading aged.
    But I still feel calm and peacefulness underneath.
    I feel a smile on my face still.
    I think of aged and see a dried up prune. Ouch.

  346.  #346Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 7:07 am

    Or maybe a raisin. Shriveled but sweet.


    I feel silly.

  347.  #347Tam on October 12, 2012 at 7:10 am

    345…no worries FW, the amount of time I spend in the sun, I will be a prune before anyone else on here.

  348.  #348MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 7:12 am

    Oh yes…This is the blog I feel content with. Yummy processing!

    Rock that anger sirens! Rawr!

  349.  #349Daria on October 12, 2012 at 7:16 am

    I Iove the part of me that acts fake and gossips to put women down to make other women feel better.

    I love the part of me that wants to shut down my sexuality and openness in the world.

    I love the part of me that wants to yell and shout away put downs and abuse

    I love the part of me that feels powerless and sad

    I love the part of me that feels scared

    I love the extra loud part of me


    I love my Hmmmh

    I love my upsetnessi love my fast heartbeat

    I love my pouty face

    I love my pressing on my chest

    I love my numb face

    I love my guilt

    I’m sorry for judging

    I love my bullshitting self

    I love my I think I’m right and I’m a defender of people self

    I love my upsetness

    I love my I don’t feel safeness

    I love my yelling out harder than something mess

    I love my shame

    I love my sad bentoverness


    I love my defeatedness

  350.  #350Tam on October 12, 2012 at 7:16 am

    342..yes Daria, probably. But then it depends on which frame of mind the posting is…does one post to get reassurance and ego stroke or does one post because one is proud of oneself and happy inside?
    And does it really matter?
    I don’t know.
    Perhaps someone who posts nothing but bikini pics (in that case) hasn’t got much else going on in life?
    And does it matter?
    I don’t feel triggered by it anymore. Actually, I feel bored now by the pics.
    Interesting how it has shifted.
    When I see some pictures, I feel ‘Goddess vibe’…on those I see some ‘Goddess vibe’ but also ‘pick me, pick me – desperation vibe’ (looking for validation, propping up self-esteem etc, the kind of stuff I needed to do before I realised my self esteem has to come from the inside).
    All my stuif no doubt.
    So now I feel compelled to put my arm around woman and say: ‘do you love yourself lady?’ Or do you love fleeting attention? I would like to know what the reality is.
    Strange, eh?

  351.  #351Tam on October 12, 2012 at 7:20 am

    Suddenly I feel compassion for her. How bizarre.
    I want to put a nice and flattering girly dress on her.
    Hm. I feel silly and curious why that just popped into my head.
    I want to protect the over-tanned unhappy skin and make her look more feminine and flowery and say: does that not feel better?
    Yikes, if that isn’t projection then I don’t know.

  352.  #352Tam on October 12, 2012 at 7:20 am

    I feel embarrassed!!

  353.  #353Tam on October 12, 2012 at 7:23 am

    Besides, the job lady now wrote back apologising for letting me hang. And she was very nice and understanding.
    This feels good.
    Thank you Universe.
    Thank you Lady for accepting my boundaries with grace. Thank you Tam for insisting on my boundaries.

  354.  #354Daria on October 12, 2012 at 7:25 am

    I feel hot head and sad

    I bugged my eyes out and I feel better

    I love my heart


    I love my Hmmmh

    I love the part of me that thinks only one part of me is me

    I love the part of me that thu is that only being in doing , un glamorous mode is the real me

    I love the part of me that thinks that part is more worthy

    I love the part of me that has a challenge adorning and beautifying myself

    I love the sad down quiet part of me

  355.  #355Iamabutterfly on October 12, 2012 at 7:29 am

    when I age, I age like fine wine or gourmet cheese. richer, more complex, more valuable with time.

    yum, that feels good.
    now I’m hungry!

    I feel giggly…

  356.  #356Daria on October 12, 2012 at 7:30 am

    I’m sorry I’m making you feel sad lil girl

    I’m sorry I’m making the world seem unfriendly and unsafe


    I love you

    I feel sad

    I’m here for you while you feel these sad scary feelings

    Do you want a hug?

    I feel numb

    I feel distant walled off

    I feel heart achey

    I feel sad

    I’m holding you

  357.  #357Daria on October 12, 2012 at 7:31 am

    I feel sleepy

    I love my trembly undertongue

  358.  #358Iamabutterfly on October 12, 2012 at 7:32 am

    I feel curious. all the different parts of me. there ARE parts of me that I don’t want. but I don’t think they are really “me.”

    The only parts of me that aren’t really “me,” are the parts that are artificial. not authentic. the parts that are trying so hard to be somebody else. because somebody else ISN’T me!

    I am me!

  359.  #359Daria on October 12, 2012 at 7:33 am

    I want to feel warmth in my heart gently softening and soothing my chest


    Yay that feels good

    I’m giggling compulsively with snot

  360.  #360MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 7:34 am

    I love my yesterday’s sadness.

    I learned so much.

    I love my newfound freedom feelings.

    Love love love love love love love

    I love typing “love” rhythmically. The rhythm of love yum yum yum!

    I love my freedom of expression. I love the hard road I took to get here. I love me. All of me! Fiddle dee dee. So now when I feel, I feel what I feel. And after I feel what I feel I speak what I feel. And when I speak what I feel it heals what I feel. But what if what i’m feeling doesn’t need healing? That’s cool…So what is happening with those lovely feelings that don’t require healing? Oh I feed them! Yes. Yum! nom nom nom.

  361.  #361Iamabutterfly on October 12, 2012 at 7:35 am

    I believe that some things are sacred. that there are some things that are set apart, holy. that there are some things reserved only for one person, even if that person is God.

    that’s what makes a relationship special, isn’t it?

    only sharing the very most private, vulnerable aspects of ourselves?

    I love holiness.
    I love what it is sacred.

  362.  #362Daria on October 12, 2012 at 7:35 am

    I love my undertongue tension

    I love my yawning

  363.  #363Heart on October 12, 2012 at 7:36 am

    Tam – I sense maybe your simply upset because the lady has Mr. P’s attention? Maybe age has nothing to do with it.

    You were triggered once before by a comment he made on another woman’s SM about charity work or something?

    Maybe this has nothing to do with the specific woman but it’s more about Mr. P?

  364.  #364Daria on October 12, 2012 at 7:39 am

    I am holy!

    I don’t want to be told to shut my holyness down!

    I feel shouty!

    I feel powerless!

    I love my shoutiness!

    I love my powerlessness!

    I love my fears!



    I love my hmmmh

    I love my spasm

  365.  #365Tam on October 12, 2012 at 7:44 am

    363…Ohhh, I feel bad about the age thing being dragged up.
    Ok, Heart, I actually think what gets to me is bragging and then being awared with attention for bragging. That’s what feels crappy to me.

    I feel like: ‘should I be doing that?’
    Is *that* what it takes? Does one have to be over-confident, full of oneself and spreading it all over everywhere to get attention?
    That’s what bothers me. But again, it is not about him, her or aging at all.
    It’s about me. I feel cringey that it being brought up again.

    And to be honest, I have decided that for me, bragging and drawing attention to myself for overinflating my achievements/body/whatever, id not how I like to get attention.
    Not at all.
    I like to get attention for being authentically me.
    That’s the bottom line.

    So this has brought up great stuff for me.
    I can also post 100 bikini pics up, make them public for all the world to see. Further, I can overinflate the charity work I have done for many years.
    I can post close up pics of myself pouting seductively into a camera.
    I choose not to, as for me it doesn’t feel right.
    What other people do, and what feels good for them is none of my business.

    That feels better.

  366.  #366MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 7:44 am

    I am a picture. Not a motion picture. Not a still picture…A morphing photograph. And in this picture there is just me. Me being me and feeling. The expression of my feelings. There is no man in this picture. No. He is observing the picture. He really has nothing to do with the picture…This picture, in fact, is for everyone. So no one can say “I am to blame for how stix’s picture looks today.” No no. And I can not say “You are to blame for how my picture looks today.”. Nuh uh. This picture morphs and changes for feelings alone. Not actions or events or deeds. This picture simply feels. This picture just is. And it is entirely up to the observer of this picture to look, not look, attempt to paint over it with something lovelier, or not. This picture is magic! If someone does try to paint over it this picture absorbs that paint. It does not hide underneath it. It absorbs it, digests it, processes it, decides if it likes the feel and taste and colour and then morphs into it’s own expression of how that feels.


  367.  #367Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 7:45 am

    The rhythm of love

    It feels melodious
    It feels peaceful
    It feels calming
    It feels soothing

    The rhythm of love
    It feels like putting my hands to my heart rocking side to side
    It feels like the calming splash of water against the rocks at the shores of the sea

    The rhythm of love
    It feels tingly in my head
    It feels glittery in my heart
    It feels throbbing in my arms

    aaahhh The rhythm of love

    Thank you Miss Stix

  368.  #368Belle on October 12, 2012 at 7:45 am

    This morning while I sit here job searching, I’m noticing little thoughts that pop up –
    I’m looking for an ‘ordinary’ job right now,
    grocery store bookkeeper, logistics clerk
    I feel little pings of fear
    “if i get an ordinary job I’ll just have an ordinary husband/ordinary life (ordinary = boring, humdrum, zombielike”
    or something like that.
    it’s not clear.

    The past 10 years I’ve shared so much time with extraordinary people who live magical lives
    aerial trapeze artist!
    circus performer!
    rhythmic gymnastics coach!
    fire performers!
    tree planters!
    shamanic priestesses
    sex-positive activists
    people who just seem to always magically have money to go on their magical adventures to India and Hawaii and Costa Rica
    and I have no friggin clue how they do it!
    I feel sad and frustrated
    I want to be magical, too.
    I have been hanging with some of the most exquisitely beautiful people on the planet, inside and out
    and I feel so frumpy, dumpy, gross in comparison
    (who’s gonna love me?)
    little whiney voice
    Hi lil’ one…
    slathering her with kisses
    I love you
    I feel sadness in my heart and tears rising up my throat
    what is the belief here that is causing sadness?
    (I’ll never be like them)
    is that true?
    turn it around
    they’ll never be like me
    I should be like them, is that true?
    I want it to be true!
    stressful thought
    when i believe that i feel torn inside,
    but if I just settle for being plain old me then I’m just settling for …
    a life of tv dinners (lol, where did THAT come from?!)
    when I think of …women at the post office that have husbands, I magine they go home and watch tv and do boring things and live zombie lives
    I don’t watch tv
    i like sitting and meditating and being qiet when I get home
    I want to have horses to come home to!
    I want to hide out from life 🙂
    duck and cover
    it seems so hideous and base and mundane and
    hahah I want an extraordinary life and to run with the wolves but I can’t even run a block, even when I was in the best shape of my life I could barely run a few blocks
    maybe you werent’ mant t orun?
    but I want to!!!
    maybe you were meant to fly?
    what does that even MEAN??
    just another way of looking at it
    little birds don’t really run
    -but I’m a human!!
    arguing with myself.
    -center and be still a moment
    part of me wants to feel ‘special’
    and yet I recognize that, for me, feeling ‘special’, feels like ‘separate from/better than others’ and removes me from the feeling of being in deep humility, which feels so much better to me
    when I feel reverence and awe
    I feel like I am in the presence of the divine and connected with all of life
    feeling “special” feels disconnected and ‘better than’ and like a big fat ballon-head floating above the world looking down…”me ! me! me!”
    I love that space of humility and connection where “me” doesn’t even seem to matter
    can I love and forgive the “me-ness”?
    I think of the beatles song, “I, Me, Mine” and feel like I want to vomit

    welcome the rising feelings…letting them go

    and now down to the truth
    I don’t want to look for a job.
    I don’t know what I want exactly, but I don’t want to look for a job right now
    click submit and focus on our heart and go from there.

  369.  #369Miss Bells on October 12, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Could you be open to the possibility that he will agree without drama to your boundary around OW, and follow through?
    I agonized over this for months, but when I drew the line there wasn’t even a struggle.
    Things are much more open and peaceful now.

  370.  #370Daria on October 12, 2012 at 7:49 am


    I feel protective and angry and like wrapping myself in my mantle and flying away forever

    I feel like staying here

    I feel frustrated I’m stuck on ‘fighting and battling’

    I love my battle energy

    I feel sad

    I love my sadness

  371.  #371Daria on October 12, 2012 at 7:49 am

    I love my tooth vibration and tongue vibration

  372.  #372Miss Bells on October 12, 2012 at 7:50 am

    Being a BIT older when you get together may help.
    But i am feeling TOO old. And I know it’s worse for HS.
    I am healthier and younger than him.
    But I can see the darkness at the end of the line from here.
    I don’t want to put a shiny LOA spin on this. But it does make me more aware of squeezing every moment for the juicy stuff.

  373.  #373Daria on October 12, 2012 at 7:52 am

    I feel like slapping humility

    I don’t want to feel shame

    I love my uniqueness

  374.  #374Tam on October 12, 2012 at 7:53 am

    Feeling spent now and finally able to concentrate on work. Oh great. Thank you.

  375.  #375Daria on October 12, 2012 at 7:54 am

    I love my humili -ated beaten down sad obedient self

    I feel sad

    I feel like shaking myself



    I want to feel good nd happy and full and powerful


  376.  #376Daria on October 12, 2012 at 7:56 am

    I love the part of me that resists seeing and receiving the healing.

    I love my sigh.

    Hehe hehe

    I live my tongue sticking out ness

  377.  #377mlc on October 12, 2012 at 7:59 am

    Miss Bells – thank you

    Yes, I am totally open to whatever may come. In fact, it is my hope that when we talk about it and i explain to him how I am truly feeling that he will understand and that he will want to respect my boundaries willing and with a glad heart because our relationship means alot to him and he wants me to be feel happy and secure. That is how I hope it goes.

    However, I am prepared for him to be defensive, which seems to be his MO anytime I bring up something that needs discussing, even though I am very careful not to be accusing or blaming. I want this to work.

    I have tried really hard to do things the right way, the calm way, the understanding way, the caring way throughout this entire relationship.

    I understand that he has a certain way he is used to his most significant relationship proceeding. He was married for 25 years. I get that he has to learn that everyone is different, I am not his ex and that he needs time, and WE need time to learn a productive way to deal with situations. I get that he has had to learn that certain things I say to him don’t have ulterior meanings. I say what I mean and mean what I say, and he should know that by now. I have been very patient.

    We are all works in progress. However after over a year of dating, I feel like he should be getting this by now. Since he got mad when I brought up the situation last Friday, I can tell that he automatically comes from a defense position. Since we were able to talk it through I also see that he is at least open to realizing I don’t do things the way his ex did. I have been very patient and understanding, but he needs to step up and show me that he understands my MO too. Anyway, I’m hoping for the best, but I’m prepared for the worst.

  378.  #378Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 8:02 am

    I’m prepared for the worst – how about just being open to whatever?

  379.  #379mlc on October 12, 2012 at 8:07 am

    FW – yes, that’s what I said, I am open to whatever.

  380.  #380Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 8:07 am

    5. Be Surprised.

    Your willingness to be surprised, and to be curious about the world around you and the people in it – including men – can be HUGE. This is ALL Circular Dating. It’s ALL accessing and using the “Diva” part of you that truly lives – 100% – IN the world and doesn’t shut down her sensuality and sexuality and feminine vibe under ANY circumstances.

    It’s about how you can…

    6. Be in a state of ROMANCE with the entire world.

    I’ll write more and more about this – but for now…simply put on your “romance” glasses and see the world through them. See everything as interesting and romantic, quaint and curious, fresh and inspiring…basically something you can love by just loving yourself in its presence.

    Let me know if this jogs your thinking around this – and get out in the world and see if you can relate to men in this open way even though you are exclusively involved with one man.

    Love, Rori

  381.  #381MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 8:09 am


    The rhythm of love. Ever changing beats and melodies. Words and interpretations…

    Ohhh I hear african drums! Beat beat beat beat beat beat. Deep, heavy, earthy, raw, seductive…Undulating, gyrating. Feels like a low deep growl forming from a tiny spark deep within. So urgent yet building slowly slowly. Contractions and movements…Dancing from somewhere so deep within. Entire body moving from toes to fingertips. Belly to chest to face. In out up down. Every muscle. Every itty bitty little cell pulsing to the beat. Primal.

    And I hear beautiful high tinkling bells and the high and long vibration of violins.

    But I am too stuck on the delicious raw primal drums. Mmm this is my natural love rhythm. More s3xual, sensual. A beautiful beast. Rugged and yet somehow soft. Hypnotic. Physical expression of deep and powerful feelings. Oh I have a hot vision of naked bodies entwined out in the wild, under the stars. Taking each other with total abandon. Hands, arms, lips, hair. Can’t tell where one begins and the other ends…

  382.  #382MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 8:13 am

    When I decide what someone else needs to do I am already blaming. I decide only what I need to do and the rest follows…Or it does not. This makes total sense to me.

  383.  #383mlc on October 12, 2012 at 8:21 am

    381 Miss Stix, thank you

    That makes perfect sense to me. I am going to make a conscious effort to remember these words: When I decide what someone else needs to do I am already blaming. I decide only what I need to do and the rest follows…

  384.  #384MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 8:21 am

    I see very clearly how I can shift my “take” on actions and events to keep men out of my feeling picture. I can speak in a different way than I was used to… I can look back on my past, with ex husband. I can remember what I said…

    “You need to stop doing this and give me your whole self or i’m gone.”

    I can shift that. I can say…

    “I’m feeling angry. I’m not receiving what I want here. I feel sad and scared to think of leaving, but if I continue to feel this way I will have to go my own way.”

    Oh yeah. That feels more soothing to hear out of my own mouth. I even feel less agitated and concerned about what I will hear back or the reaction I will observe.

  385.  #385MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 8:24 am



    I feel glad you noticed that!

    I also want to say I am a little in awe of your strength and conviction. Your lack of hedging and I love that you have never said “Oh whyyyy is he doing this?”. I see your self confidence.

  386.  #386mlc on October 12, 2012 at 8:30 am

    “I’m feeling angry. I’m not receiving what I want here. I feel sad and scared to think of leaving, but if I continue to feel this way I will have to go my own way.”

    i feel insignificant and insecure and distrusting and protective of my heart now. all new feelings that i have not had in this relationship.

    i am willing to move on without him if what he needs to make himself happy (which is what I want for him) does not mesh with what makes me feel significant secure trusting and open.

    i do not want to change him. i do not want him to change for me. i want him to know who he is and what makes him happy and i want him to be honest with me about it.

    i want a level playing field so i can clearly see if we are compatible. i want to be able to discuss things with him if we disagree on something to see if willing compromise with a glad heart, not concession out of fear of losing someone, is possible.

  387.  #387mlc on October 12, 2012 at 8:31 am

    “I’m feeling angry. I’m not receiving what I want here. I feel sad and scared to think of leaving, but if I continue to feel this way I will have to go my own way.”

    I love this. thank you.

  388.  #388bloom-ing on October 12, 2012 at 8:32 am

    i have the hiccups in my cubicle because i swallowed my lemon chicken too fast.

    cd said maybe give the blog a break & see if your anxiety goes down because he thinks it makes me feel bad to read about drama in real human lives so intimately. so i’m going to do a 5 day break : ) or so, even from reading it…

    anywayz. i’m going to a women’s retreat tonight with my mama & a group of women from the church i grew up in…. & we are going to this camp that i used to go to when i was little !! aww magical feeling !! i just realized that yesterday that it’s the same camp.

    &…. what else ? ohhh well one thing is we went into town for celebratory dinner for me quitting my job & i stopped into a little shop & the girl had like…. “heard about” me LOL because i bought 2 of the same dress & apparently they were judged as really “quirky” dresses lol. she was telling me the owner was afraid to order them because she thought they were too weird & the day i came into the store apparently was the first day they were on display & i bought 2 of 3, which is a quirky thing to do in this already quirky situation. so we were chatting about our boyfriends & stuff (so fun, i always really want to do this with girls i meet, just naturally connect & be smile-y & share stories & we were doing that !!!!) & i saw this sweater, but i unzipped it & was like, oh, no, that’s not really what i want, so she was like what do you want ? so i said i want a blanket sweater with a hood & she said, oh you are going to die, i just bought this & it’s on super duper sale & it’s amazing & it is & i’m wearing it right now. it’s a super soft long black big-hooded cape-y sweater….ahh it’s too pretty & amazing & it was so so cheap. like triple marked down. & she was like “see you later!” ahhh i made a friend i feel so smiley : ))))))))

    & then i went where cd was in the record store & felt so happy & looked at everything & he was picking good ones & i found one i wanted & of all the records when we checked out, the record store man said MINE was FREE ! i really want to have everything for free, just that gentle easy flow that feels like just free free sharing love gentle easy flow thank you yes open hands for you – i bow to you. ahhhh when i bow to you, i honor my goddess…. it feels so good to bow to the world right now…..

    & i have leftover chinese….. &&& also we were picking a wine out because i wanted chinese takeout & wine & we agreed oh, yes rioja but then there were 2 bottles. i wanted the 35 dollar one. it looked wayyyyy better than the 14 dollar one. but the 14 dollar one made so much more sense. cd asked, i said i want the 35 dollar one & he grabbed it, pleased.

    who gave me this ? it’s lovely: “You need to reach a point in your life where you know that being open-hearted and loving with yourself and others is why you are on the planet, and that there is no way of avoiding the loneliness and heartbreak of loving someone who is not open-hearted with you. This is why learning to manage the very challenging feeling of loneliness and heartbreak – and your helplessness over others’ choices – is so important. Without knowing how to do this, you will likely be too afraid to love.”

  389.  #389mlc on October 12, 2012 at 8:34 am

    384 Miss Stix

    thank you. i am a work in progress for sure. but i have also done a lot of work. i don’t beat myself up if i take a few steps back, but i always try to make a conscious effort to move forward.

    i firmly believe that life is a series of tests….the universe will keep testing us until we pass. once we pass, we get what it is we truly deserve.

    unfortunately, at times now later in my life, i feel as though i am being given master’s level tests!

    I’m ready for the rewards!

  390.  #390Starla on October 12, 2012 at 8:35 am

    387 bloom-ing, i think a lot of us give the blog a break from time to time.

    the various social aspects of the internet in general have actually been major sources of anxiety for me from time to time

    see you soon!

  391.  #391Tam on October 12, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Aw blooming, I love this so much:

    “You need to reach a point in your life where you know that being open-hearted and loving with yourself and others is why you are on the planet, and that there is no way of avoiding the loneliness and heartbreak of loving someone who is not open-hearted with you. This is why learning to manage the very challenging feeling of loneliness and heartbreak – and your helplessness over others’ choices – is so important. Without knowing how to do this, you will likely be too afraid to love.”

  392.  #392Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 8:36 am

    mlc – I am feeling you.

    MissStix thanks a lot I am learning from you. This ” I feel sad and scared to think of leaving, but if I continue to feel this way I will have to go my own way’ – feels so powerful, so brave. I don’t believe I have ever said these words I just walked but I can see how this authenticity and raw telling the truth could build intimacy.

  393.  #393MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 8:36 am

    mlc 385


    You’ve got it together. Now it’s all a matter of how you express yourself. I find I can truly let go of the outcome when I know, deep down that I expressed myself in the right way. Then it’s not on me how he takes it, or what he does with it. That’s all on him. And yeah…Like you said, what a great way to know, and see the man before us, and observe how he takes things, and what he does with them. These things happening are a blessing in disguise. Knowledge and learning.

  394.  #394bloom-ing on October 12, 2012 at 8:37 am

    i hear you, starla. it feels so nice to connect, & it will feel nice to have more space around myself too : )

    YAY hehe : )

  395.  #395mlc on October 12, 2012 at 8:38 am

    384 – Miss Stix

    I don’t feel like a victim…I know that what I accept is what I get.

    If I don’t like it, if it doesn’t honor me, if it doesn’t make me feel the way I need to feel, I am free to go and find that elsewhere. If I choose not to do that, it’s on me.

  396.  #396Tam on October 12, 2012 at 8:39 am

    my little girl asked me if it was ok, as an exception, to have chocolate and a soda for lunch.
    I do not normally indulge her like this, being a healthy eater, but I feel it’s totally ok to give into her and let her feast on some superficial sweetness this lunchtime.
    She is all smiley about this now.
    Feeling naughty for having chocolate for lunch… 🙂

  397.  #397Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Tam have you ever tried dates?

  398.  #398bloom-ing on October 12, 2012 at 8:42 am

    hehe, also starla, for the next couple weeks i’m going to be really focusing on developing my most natural-feeling Routine : ) I know we’ve mumbled around waking up early & i do wake early, but it will feel nice to have some intentional Practices. i also felt really good reading about your plan for your belly dance studio…. sounds so wonderful… : ) bye ! ttyl, lady

  399.  #399Daria on October 12, 2012 at 8:42 am

    Sounds like inner bonding. She talks about managing loneliness and heartbreak and helplessness as others choices

  400.  #400Heart on October 12, 2012 at 8:42 am

    Tam – Actually I had just skimmed the posts and have only now realized that there was an age triggering discussion going on….I wasn’t trying to Go There…
    I feel bad you feel bad.

  401.  #401Tam on October 12, 2012 at 8:45 am

    399…oh Heart, it’s ok, really.
    It seems everything is triggering me right now.
    I am so taking steps backwards but it’s ok, perhaps I need to do this to get through it.
    My favourite boat has been sold and I suspect that is what did it to me today.
    It’s cool. It’s just a boat and memories, nothing more and nothing less. I just feel sentimental and fragile.

  402.  #402Tam on October 12, 2012 at 8:46 am

    FW, I love dates too….they are full of suger also, although sligtly feeling better about fruit sugars.. 🙂

  403.  #403Tam on October 12, 2012 at 8:46 am

    oh typos..sugar

  404.  #404Heart on October 12, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Actually as I’m reading all the posts I am actually feeling
    a lot
    of things…

  405.  #405Starla on October 12, 2012 at 8:48 am

    awwww i have a little fan club in this life. it feels so nice. i am never alone.

    that was the best thing I learned in choosing to be alone this past summer — that i’m never alone.

  406.  #406bloom-ing on October 12, 2012 at 8:49 am

    Inner Bonding – “Do You Isolate?” Margaret Paul

  407.  #407mlc on October 12, 2012 at 8:50 am

    392- Miss Stix

    Now it’s all a matter of how you express yourself. I find I can truly let go of the outcome when I know, deep down that I expressed myself in the right way.

    This is exactly why I come here. This is why I didn’t fly off the handle when the incident happened. I truly do say what I mean and mean what I say. I have been processing this for a week now. If I’m not honest with him, he does not have a level playing field either. And that’s what I want for both of us. I do love him and I want him to be happy…no matter if it means he does that without me.

    And it is very very hard to stand up to my convictions, but it’s harder to live with something in your life that is wrong for you because you weren’t strong enough to stand up for yourself.

    I have a very good life. I am financially independent, though by no means wealthy, I have a great job working with people I enjoy, i love my family and we are supportive of each other, even if we are at times dysfunctional, i am extremely healthy and most importantly i am honest with myself and others.

    I am the total package and a great catch! I am looking for the person who recognizes all of this and cherishes it and wants to have all this goodness in his life.

  408.  #408bloom-ing on October 12, 2012 at 8:50 am

    yeah, daria, thanks ! : ) i wonder who shared it originally… maybe fw i think : )

  409.  #409MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Ohh I feel very happy to see people learning from me! And I did not have to “force” anything or get “advicey”. Lovely.

  410.  #410Heart on October 12, 2012 at 8:53 am

    #400 – Tam – wow…I feel sorry to hear that…i guess the reality of all of this is finally sinking in….

  411.  #411mlc on October 12, 2012 at 8:54 am

    408 Miss Stix, FW

    You both are lovely.

  412.  #412MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 8:54 am


    I am hoping for a positive resolution for you both! Sending vibes that he will be open and receptive of your feelings, and needs and that he will see clearly there is no blame here, just humanity. Honesty and openness all around!

  413.  #413Starla on October 12, 2012 at 8:56 am

    good luck with the waking up early, bloom! i’ll be focusing on the same. will let you know how it goes

  414.  #414mlc on October 12, 2012 at 8:56 am

    411 – iss Stix

    Thank you for your wisdome and support.

  415.  #415MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Femininewoman 391

    I feel so blessed by Rori for this. The ability to open myself wide and speak my own truth. It does feel brave. I believe it looks brave! Oh I feel a little tingle in my belly to think I probably look totally like a brave girl to my man. 🙂

  416.  #416MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Brave feels really exciting! Like little sparks and like shouting “I can do anything!” lol

  417.  #417Tam on October 12, 2012 at 9:01 am

    409…Heart, thank you. I feel understood…I feel also that my reality about how I really feel is finally sinking in.
    I feel defeated and kind of violated….he did nothing except what he wants to do though, so that is strange. Selling the boat without taking me one last time feels like having two fingers shoved at me.

    He knows full well how much it all meant to me because I spoke to him about it often. Maybe hence the hiding now? Who cares.
    All I care about it that I am being ignored and blindsided and it has reminded me of all the negative aspects in the last two years and how I used to put up with it all.
    No longer.

    I am not high value or pursuable in his eyes…and someone who knows how to make me happy (and knows I am somewhat feeling uncomfy in my present situation) and doesn’t even try, is no longer worth thinking about in my eyes – friend or whomever else.

    I feel disappointed with myself for having given him so much space in my brain. Notwithstanding that he’s a good man in some respects. But not good enough for me.
    That’s ok.

  418.  #418MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 9:03 am



    Have a glorious weekend with moms!

  419.  #419Tam on October 12, 2012 at 9:11 am

    In some ways I would have liked to have seen him just once, to see how I really feel after all these months (turned off, happy, sad)….but if my itsy bitsy boundaries – being picked up and having plans in advance – prompt him to run, and beforehand laugh at me suggesting it might be a ‘date’ (God forbid), well then I can live without seeing him.
    That’s that.

  420.  #420Miss Bells on October 12, 2012 at 9:13 am

    HS has always been prickly and defensive.
    Especially about OW when this problem entered our relationship after at the 4 year mark.
    I left a note saying I couldn’t do this anymore, plus taking a bunch more stuff–plants and things that I had been leaving there even though I had “officially” moved out. I was entirely ready to walk away.
    His response REALLY surprised me.

  421.  #421MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 9:16 am


    All other humans aside…You are wonderful! And one day, in the near future you will be being wonderful you, and a man will see you and he will say “I want HER in my life.”. And he won’t necessarily know how, or why. He just will. How you feel will be important to him. It will be a part of him. You will melt into him with ease because you will know, no matter what you feel you are safe.

    And I want you to know…Most of the time I have the urge to give you a high five or a hip bump, (even when you’re barfing 😉 ) Because something tells me you’re always powering forward even when you feel like you’re taking steps back.


  422.  #422Heart on October 12, 2012 at 9:20 am

    I feel calm right now.
    I feel centered…

    I remember Smile writing she felt sky blue on the inside…
    Can I borrow that Smile?

    I feel sky blue on the inside…in this moment.
    II feel calm and centered.
    Ebb and flow….

  423.  #423Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 9:30 am

    I love the feeling of nostalgia. It reminds me that I am powerful. I can hide the memory of lovely feelings in my cells so I can call them forth at will.

  424.  #424Goddess Lily on October 12, 2012 at 9:31 am

    @420 Tam, I feel the same as MissStix. I see positive growth.

  425.  #425MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 9:32 am


    Love this!

  426.  #426Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Hi ,

    My intention today is to share with you a small gift…

    One which the medical world makes an unbelievable amount of money treating…

    But my gift to you today is how to be free of depression forever!

    Today’s gift, again is a simple series of mindset techniques, which when you learn and apply it will remove any existing depression and prevent any future depression from happening…

    Sounds impossible I know, but it’s simple really as you will very shortly find out…

    In fact, if you apply this technique straight away then depending on how depressed you are…

    You will either free yourself of it entirely, or reduce it so much that you WILL KNOW that by continuing to use these techniques you really can once and for all be free of depression!.

    So grab a drink, click here and enjoy learning right now ‘How to be FREE of Depression TODAY!’

  427.  #427MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 9:36 am

    After reading the article bloom-ing posted…

    I know now that yesterday I was shedding this skin. The need to isolate. I felt confused and sad and lost because I still had worries and urges to isolate even though there is nothing happening in my life to trigger this, and I am no longer afraid. It was triggering itself. It was saying to me “It’s time to let me go.”. So freeing.

  428.  #428Heart on October 12, 2012 at 9:36 am

    #420….omg Miss stix…how awesome….i want that…

  429.  #429Heart on October 12, 2012 at 9:40 am


  430.  #430Heart on October 12, 2012 at 9:42 am

    #422 – gosh, that’s beautiful FW

  431.  #431Smile on October 12, 2012 at 9:45 am

    Hi sirens! I’m feeling exciting for strummingman cooking me tea. He was texting all last night. He told me he adored me and tonight will be perfect

    Just getting ready now. Can’t wait to feel the warmth of the shower.

    Going through everything in my head. Need to switch to feeling mode.

  432.  #432Smile on October 12, 2012 at 9:46 am


    I feel sky blue inside.

    Actually Daria suggested this to me a while back as a ‘fun’ feeling. I love it. I want everyone to feel sky blue inside!

  433.  #433Heart on October 12, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Have fun Smile … ^_^

  434.  #434Heart on October 12, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Oooh …TY Daria

  435.  #435Annie on October 12, 2012 at 9:56 am

    Things I love and make me feel good about getting, no spots, no greasy hair. Tolerating less bullshit. Accepting myself more. And the best, becoming multi orgasmic and having stronger and better orgasms oh yes! Who would have thought it 😀

  436.  #436Annie on October 12, 2012 at 9:57 am

    434: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Things I love and make me feel good about getting OLDER* no spots, no greasy hair. Tolerating less bullshit. Accepting myself more. And the best, becoming multi orgasmic and having stronger and better orgasms oh yes! Who would have thought it 😀

  437.  #437MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Omgosh I am being bombarded with words that I need!

    Thank you FW!

    I am ready for a bug free mind!

    I am not depressed, but I can see all the little bugs in my mind holding me back from success!

    “It’s so much work!”

    You, thought, are not serving me in a helpful way. You are dropped. You are replaced with:

    “Work is fun when you love what you’re doing.”

    I always build things up in my mind, surrounding successful career, and family life and then tear that structure down by convincing myself it’s all too difficult and i’m destined to slave away working for someone else. I will fail if I try. No. I’ve had enough of that. I have my emotional self firmly built up and ready to face whatever comes. My love facet is glittering. My self esteem facet is casting gloriois rainbows on the walls of my life. My surface is crystal clear and shining. It’s time for an existance that reflects this.

  438.  #438MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 10:07 am

    I am not afraid of success.

    I am not afraid of shining.

    I am not afraid of welcoming everything wonderful and good into my life.

    I have the stride to walk through anything.

    I am ready to create a beautiful life for myself.

  439.  #439Heart on October 12, 2012 at 10:11 am

    I should have expressed my feelings to CudG about the FB pictures…Wow. Just keeping that in and pretending to be ok just made me distance myself and push him away…

    If I had to do it over again I would have said:

    I feel embarassed and scared to mention this
    I feel jealous and unsafe and well really confused when I see pictures of you with other women.
    I’m just a girl here and I want to feel special.
    I want to feel safe.
    What do you think?

  440.  #440Dominique on October 12, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Siren Angel – 322 – Thank you. I feel honored and humbled, and all filled up.

    Love to you.


  441.  #441mlc on October 12, 2012 at 10:15 am

    436 – Miss Stix

    I will fail if I try.

    You only fail if you don’t try.

  442.  #442MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 10:15 am

    And maybe, I too, need to pull my focus from this blog for a few days. It is friday…I am hosting the man overnight at my place. He is bringing us a yummy home cooked dinner and I am providing the space to exist in. He is bringing himself over by transit. Making his own way to me. Making his own effort. All I have to do is exist, in my own space, and allow him to occupy that space with me. Allow him to want to. Allow him to want me to want him to. Oh yum. This feels like a perfect rainy a$$ day to begin a new journey. Creating a positive projection in every facet of my life. Especially those facets that have taken a back seat lately…My own career dreams. My own finances. It is time! And I will report back next friday 🙂

  443.  #443Heart on October 12, 2012 at 10:16 am

    I am going to remember that for future reference.

  444.  #444Dominique on October 12, 2012 at 10:16 am

    And Iamabutterfly. <3


  445.  #445Dominique on October 12, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Tam – 323, 326 – Yes, yes, yes!!!


  446.  #446MissStix on October 12, 2012 at 10:18 am


    Thank you for that reminder. I am clinging to something here…Something I feel successful with. I do this. It is totally time to jump into something I am not yet successful at and become successful at it! 🙂

  447.  #447Tam on October 12, 2012 at 10:18 am

    Miss Stix, I feel all tearful after reading your comment to me. Thank you, that was sweet 🙂

  448.  #448Tam on October 12, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Smile, how wonderful, can’t wait to hear 🙂

  449.  #449mlc on October 12, 2012 at 10:21 am

    I am not afraid of success.

    I am not afraid of shining.

    I am not afraid of welcoming everything wonderful and good into my life.

    How about this;


    I am successful

    I am bright and shiny

    The floodgates of my good and wealth now open!

    You are a jewel, Miss Stix

  450.  #450Belle on October 12, 2012 at 10:22 am


    I feel a resonance with this information!
    I’ve been noticing more and more how much control I do have over my feelings.
    My car battery died the other night, and I started to feel distress.
    I thought, “well, I’m going to get help and whatever is going to happen is going to happen the same whether I feel happy or distressed over it..”
    which made me beam and laugh and feel patient and open-hearted and of course a few people came along to help me and everything was fine.

    At first I was being sireny with myself, talking to myself saying, “I don’t want to feel x, what do you think?”
    More and more often, I feel commanding.
    “NO, I don’t want to feel confused/depressed/sad/guilty/whatever.” I like to shake my head “nooooooo” and shake it off.

    On the subject of habits of thought –
    My thinking has been more clear since I’ve been more honest about my feelings and taken a few risks in being emotionally vulnerable…I’ve noticed so many times recently where I’ve made a wrong turn (literally! on the road!) and then sort of doodled along “Oh, I meant to do this, this is interesting, let’s see where this road goes!”

    At least 3 if not more times in the past two weeks I caught this kind of thinking and stopped and turn around. It’s one of the ways I was lying to myself and unconsciously creating difficulty for myself without realizing it. Resistance to admitting I made a mistake and in a way, a manifestation of victim consciousness, “Oh well, I’m on this road, might as well keep going…oh, I wanted to check out this place on the corner anyway! I didn’t I just made that up so I wouldn’t have to go to the ‘trouble’ of turning around.
    And what drives that?
    Oh, right, shame.
    Because I passed the library, wanting to know if it was open. It didn’t “look” open, so I drove through the parking lot and back around the corner. Because someone might see me get out of my car and walk up to a closed library and think I’m stupid. For not knowing for sure just by looking. And I might feel embarrassed and ashamed.


    I did turn around and go back and walk up to the door and someone sitting there DID see me and let me know they don’t open until 1pm.
    I survived to tell the tale (I’m literally lol’ing at myself right now).

  451.  #451Tam on October 12, 2012 at 10:26 am

    You know, Sirens, I was walking to the shops and am still processing.
    I see this pattern so clearly:
    I have a bf – he asks if we can have a relationship
    I am single – he asks to downgrade it to ‘fwb’
    I ask for his Condo – no reply
    Finds out I have a place – offers the Condo
    Talks about boating when I am back here – doesn’t ask me while he still has the boats. Waits for contact until he sold them.
    Asks me out – tells me he is here at a time when I couldn’t arrange transport even if I wanted to, and doesn’t offer to pick me up.

    It’s all just mindf*ck. That’s what it is. And I have been always forgiving because I know he has issues and problems with social stuff and relating to people and expressing himself.
    BUT he knows what he is doing also, he has explained to me before that he is a sh** sometimes to his friends and family…and realises afterwards.
    He knows.
    And I actually apologised about the misunderstanding last week (because I felt at fault also, not just him) – and he said ‘don’t worry, I am in a good mood’.
    Ah. Ok. Not even acknowledging that he had part in it too.
    I don’t want to be a willing partner in the mindf*ck game anymore.
    Please remind me in due course, because when he comes back in 3 months time I will need to be reminded.

  452.  #452Belle on October 12, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Oh, and another horrible, terrible thing my precious mind has been protecting me from…
    oh, please, don’t DARE make a u-turn or turn around on a dead end street when OTHER PEOPLE are LOOKING…oh gawd, they might know I am confused and don’t know where I’m going and am lost…
    they might even shake their heads and say something judgmental about it.

    I feel ready for a bug-free mind, too.

  453.  #453Tam on October 12, 2012 at 10:32 am

    ..the other side of the odd behaviour was the clingyness…he used to get freaked out when I got up to go to the bathroom ‘are you leaving?’
    Or when I had to leave, he would get grumpy.
    All very very strange.

  454.  #454Tam on October 12, 2012 at 10:34 am

    urgh. I feel dread in my stomach. I used to love the clingyness. Why? It was not cute, it was odd and it felt odd.
    Oh maybe this is all a very very good thing
    Yes, it is.

  455.  #455Simply Goddess on October 12, 2012 at 10:55 am

    I received a text today.. Friday so he breaks up for the weekend..
    “After arguing last week and working Ive said I will take daughter horse riding tomorrow so do you want to come?” (Meaning its usually the weekend me and him have time together as he works nights all week and we dont see each other.. I said this week I wanted time to think and maybe we should both think about how we can make each other feel better.. So hes thought.. oow the only time we have together I’ll have **** aswell.. I love daughter and have a great relationship with her but since her mum had another baby shes extremly clingy and jealous of me and her dad and tries to play us off.. He completly changes when she comes aswell and they seem to go against me together sometimes.. If he has no rezpect neither does she.. (Shes only 7) and it hurts.. It often isnt enjoyable for me being around anymore as I cant go near him.. He senses it too and changes and acts as thought Im more like his second child when shes around.. Tries to treat us same.. Its tough but it makes me feel icky.. Im an adult.. She sleeps in bed with us when shes here.. and doesnt leave our side for days on end and does not have a ed time.. He could not for one minute tell her she had to go to bed! haha no chance

    Am I wrong to feel quite pissed.. Alot of our arguments have centred around this horse riding.. money.. time etc.. Hes now booked her in to go every week which means more money (v expensive) and an hour drive there and back every sat.. I guess I just hoped the time apart would make him make an effort..

    I’ve said I’ll meet up to chat tonight.. He only finishes work late though and will have to be up early and go tomorrow now.. So prob wont talk much..

    I just feel angry and resentment building.. How can I chanel this anger.. Should I tell him?
    You wont understand the whole situation around this unless you’d lived it with me..
    Maybe Im in the wrong I just have so much resentment.. Just I guess Id love to feel treasured and cherished and I dont feel it.. I wish things could go back to the way things were wiht us all..

  456.  #456Rori Raye on October 12, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Finding Me – Exclusivity is the problem here. I wrote so much, I’m going to put your question and my answer into a post – look for it – I’ll use the name “Finding Me”…Love, Rori

  457.  #457Heart on October 12, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Tam – I just figured it all out for u…

    Mr. P is Gay.

  458.  #458Tam on October 12, 2012 at 11:03 am

    457..hahahahahahahahaha Heart you just made me laugh sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.

    Who knows?
    I am pretty sure he isn’t….but you know what, who knows.

    This reminds me, I once had this very strange guy after me. And when he realised I didn’t like him in that way, he said ‘ah, guess you are a Lesbian’
    Too funny – how’s that for self-confidence.
    I just stood open mouthed!!

    Yeah, he must be gay 😉

  459.  #459Heart on October 12, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Tam – 🙂

  460.  #460Tam on October 12, 2012 at 11:17 am

    I want to manifest boating friends now…hm.

  461.  #461Daria on October 12, 2012 at 11:25 am

    “All you have to do is notice the thought, see if it is helping or hurting you. If it is hurting then say, ‘There is no benefit to me of you being here, so I don’t require you anymore.’ If the thought helps you and makes you feel good… then why not expand on the thought.”

    Andy Shaw

    From Bloomings post

  462.  #462Tam on October 12, 2012 at 11:31 am

    I feel like I had to start all over again since I got here. But that’s ok. I will do what it takes.
    I will start over and over and over again until I got it.
    I will sink into my feelings, whatever come up, whether anger, fear, sadness…and I will try to re-direct my thoughts to those feelings”:
    happiness, serenity, joy and peacefulness.
    I can do this.
    I know how to do this.
    All will be well.

  463.  #463Daria on October 12, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Oops it’s from Femininwomans post. Sorry Femininewoman and blooming

  464.  #464Daria on October 12, 2012 at 11:56 am

    I’m really Diggin that I don’t require u anymore tool. It’s working for me.

  465.  #465Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    RE 464 Do you mind sharing it?

  466.  #466Heart on October 12, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Ok so the ice-cream, tears and pop music worked.

    I feel so embarassed.
    My gosh….Clarity…
    I love you Embarassed Self….you are so endearing and funny an girly in your embarassed state.

    well I can see that I was giving Cuddlegrinch way to much energy and making him Way too important.
    I guess it’s the expected behavior when someone pulls away…but I dont even think of it as him pulling away now…

    I see that he’s just living his life…and doesn’t owe me Anything.

    Gosh I feel icky thinking about all my expectations of Yesterday.
    I hope this state of mind stays…Sometimes I can go around in a circle…

    Anyway I feel so bored now.
    I feel fluid on the inside.
    I feel a little sad that true love is not in my life….
    Would be nice :).
    But meh,,,Im ok!

  467.  #467Silver Moonbeam on October 12, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    #350 Tam

    As Byron Katie would say is it any of your business?

    There’s my business, your business and G*d’s business……

  468.  #468Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    not feeling that way about yourself right now – meet yourself where you are. Start from exactly where you are and how you feel about yourself – and aim for LOVE. Aim for loving yourself so hard, and believing that you can do what you’re meant to do and want to do, and have what you want to have so profoundly that ONLY a man who can make your vison of yourself and your life even BRIGHTER and BIGGER get’s allowed private time with you.

    Let me know how this works for you…let’s all get BIG.

    Love, Rori

  469.  #469Daria on October 12, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    here it is FeminineWoman

    it’s from your post 🙂

    “All you have to do is notice the thought, see if it is helping or hurting you. If it is hurting then say, ‘There is no benefit to me of you being here, so I don’t require you anymore.’ If the thought helps you and makes you feel good… then why not expand on the thought.”

    Andy Shaw

  470.  #470Tam on October 12, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    I manifested a boat trip, well they are public trips but an old man just walked up to me on the pier and said ‘want to go on a boat trip?’
    happy thank you more please.

  471.  #471Siren Angel on October 12, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Simply Goddess,

    If I may express from my experience in regards to the child of your partner in a relationship. I would stay away from any conflict situation that has to do with his daughter. You can’t win. It is up to you to decide what you will accept, and you take the whole package as is, or nothing.

  472.  #472Femininewoman on October 12, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    Thot you meant a Rori Tool. Thanks

  473.  #473luzydel on October 12, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    I miss sex; 🙁 I miss being with a man in bed fooling around, touching…

    Who knows when it will happen again, but I want to feel the feeling of good sex, 🙂

  474.  #474Goddess Lily on October 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    I miss going on a “proper” date. One where I feel elated at the end. I had that with my last relationship but then that turned out that we really weren’t compatible. But that sure was a great date!

  475.  #475Butterfly Wings on October 12, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    I’m feeling a little triggered when I read about sirens pointing out that they know of women who are masculine/bossy/overfunctioning but are married.

    I also have a friend like this. She’s married alright – and MISERABLE.

    Her husband is also unhappy. The second she opens her mouth (to boss him around usually) I see him physically retreat.

    So to be married is not the goal – it’s to be HAPPILY married. This couple will probably stay together for years, putting on a show to the outside world that all is well and happy. But behind closed doors, there’s a very different life happening.

    It’s so sad really. I’ve tried to talk to her about what Rori teaches but she’s just not open to it. But she is very much the man and tries to control EVERYTHING around her. And she is miserable as a result.

    I would rather be single than be miserable in an unhappy marriage while pretending to the world that life is all sunny and roses…

  476.  #476Daria on October 12, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    wow yay thank you for doing all my t-tapp movements!


    i feel achy tightness on sides my knee i am allowing my tissues to restructure realign and heal in the new more powerful way

    also i want to do my leg stretches so that my fascia feel elongated and flexible and im not pulling on them awwww

    (((Daria’s tissues))))

  477.  #477Daria on October 12, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    golly wally i feel so good

  478.  #478Daria on October 12, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    my outer knee attachments are building strength

    ohh i feeel sleepy

    it feels so much gooder to do my t-tapp when my spine is strong and flexible now



  479.  #479Daria on October 12, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    i dont feel like a grunting orc , i feel like a dolphin

    even my sounds are not grunts, theyre more like sensual

    “ohh” “ohh” ss

    i felt surprised

  480.  #480Daria on October 12, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    aha also i may be pushing too hard during plies and dropping too low – i drop really low

    thanks for checking for me Daria

    you are so careful with me!!!

    yum i feel so cared for

  481.  #481Daria on October 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    ah and im taking too wide a stance for me… i know i have had unsually tight hips as far as sitting crosslegged and this is related

    i feel scared im not giving a good name to ttapp and im going to be admonished to ‘be careful’

    and i want it to be seen as the most amazing healing movement ever like i see it


    you are so brave to be so open

  482.  #482Daria on October 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    soft knee bend and soft klt position

    not hardcore Cementing it rigidly in place like i was

    oohhhh i love soft


    that will make it feel more fluid and yummie too

  483.  #483Daria on October 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    wow top of body form really does seem to protect my knees. i feel puzzled

  484.  #484Daria on October 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    well i will practice it this new way special for me

  485.  #485Heart on October 12, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    lalala I feel good…

  486.  #486Tam on October 12, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    me too Heart..I have manifested a boat trip and I went for happy hour with a friend… 🙂

  487.  #487Daria on October 12, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    wow Tam! i feel inspired at manifesting

  488.  #488Heart on October 12, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    Awesome Tam….yay boat trip!

    I took my-little-girl to a park and let her play on the swings.

  489.  #489Tereana on October 12, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Today, it appears to me as if “what I want” (ie what other people interpret that I want) and “what I think I want” are two completely different things. They are like different entities. Fraternal twins, who grew up in the same womb, but are in no way identical, and are running about in the world in completely different directions.

    And What I Think I Want seems apparent to me. This is the quiet child that lives at home. I see him all the time – why doesn’t anyone else notice him? This other kid – doesn’t even feel like it comes from me. This one is wild. He runs around the world, going places I don’t know about; talking to people I’ve never seen. I can’t keep track of him. Yet this is the one that everyone sees. He makes noise. And people are always telling me about him, and I’m like, what are you talking about? My desires are right here with me! But they don’t see that one. They see this other one that I don’t even know or have a relationship with.

    Maybe I have him up at birth. Maybe he scared me – something about him was dark. So I rejected him. I kept the “safe” desires. The quiet ones. I, myself, did not want to be noticed. And yet this little darkling, he wants me back, apparently. Yet I don’t know how to deal with him or accept him.

    What is a mother to do??…

  490.  #490Janie Baby on October 12, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    Rori, my boyfriend asked me if i wanted to grab a bite to eat today around 5:30 ..6 after he’s done working out and i said sure.

    I’ve been doing the past 2 weeks of leaning back and not initiating anything first, but I felt restless, lost control and called him three times from 5:50 to 6 pm. He didn’t respond, so I texted “I don’t like being flaked on. I feel upset and hesitant to agree to plans with you again. I want to hang out with someone who makes me feel special.” I’m sad, and I feel like crying. What do I do? I’m so tired of feeling like the second option all the time, but when I say that he does something to fix it like take me to a nice date wednesday night but then stupid things like today. I want him to look forward to plans with me. I hate it and I feel like crying but I really don’t want to be sad about this. Advice? I feel out of control.

  491.  #491Tereana on October 12, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    I am trying not to feel this feeling, but I have it: jealousy. I am trying to believe in the “ocean of love” philosophy, versus the “pie of love,” there’s not enough, mentality. And yet, it pains me to see my friends, every day, getting engaged, getting married, getting pregnant, having babies.

    I feel outside of it all. There may be an ocean, but I feel stranded, nowhere near the river of life that leads there…


  492.  #492Daria on October 12, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    i just came up w a brilliant idea

    my coach facebook friend asked what she should do a dating program for women about

    and i said… finances

    i havent seen any coaches cover it in depth

    how can i be a woman that receives fancy gifts, houses, fancy dates if youve always been that woman who pays for herslef and bails men out who rely on women for support?

    and how can you inspire men to step up and take charge here if he’s never done it before or seen it in his family? how to believe in him without compromising her energy and time?

    i still feel way behind on this (tho obviously ive made leaps forward)

    compared to some women . and i have a belief that men are very afraid of this, being taken advantage of, ‘gold diggers’ etc but yet some women still get this extra great treatment without prostituting themselves or compromising hteir integrity

    i Want that! i want to be marilyin monroe honored

    i want men to lay their money at my feet without trippin

    i want to receive it and reduce my anxiety around it and just feel safe that ill always be taken care of by men

    there are women who are like this naturally – or learned im sure – all the time

    i want that safety


    i dont judge men for learning to pick up women and have sex, i think its a great step in personal authority to be able to fulfill his own needs

    and i want the flipside of hte coin, the fancy dates, fancy gifts

    i feel so far behind! 🙁 and i feel so triggered, scared and also ashamed to deal with this

    boo hoo

    i want to heal this

    i would love to have a great program on healing this

    i want rori to help me with this

    i can get chill dates and small gifts but dang

    some women get jewelry, exotic trips, houses bought for them

    i want that!

    without feeling icky or like im ‘lying’



    this is ‘evil’ this is ‘wrong’ this is ‘manipulative’ this is the worst of women


    no wonder im blocked on it

    heal heal heal

  493.  #493Tam on October 12, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    Heart, swings, love it.. 🙂

  494.  #494Daria on October 12, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    i just came up w a brilliant idea

    my coach facebook friend asked what she should do a dating program for women about

    and i said… finances

    i havent seen any coaches cover it in depth

    how can i be a woman that receives fancy gifts, houses, fancy dates if youve always been that woman who pays for herslef and bails men out who rely on women for support?

    and how can you inspire men to step up and take charge here if he’s never done it before or seen it in his family? how to believe in him without compromising her energy and time?

    i still feel way behind on this (tho obviously ive made leaps forward)

    compared to some women . and i have a belief that men are very afraid of this, being taken advantage of, ‘gold diggers’ etc but yet some women still get this extra great treatment without prostituting themselves or compromising hteir integrity

    i Want that! i want to be marilyin monroe honored

    i want men to lay their money at my feet without trippin

    i want to receive it and reduce my anxiety around it and just feel safe that ill always be taken care of by men

    there are women who are like this naturally – or learned im sure – all the time

    i want that safety


    i dont judge men for learning to pick up women and have sex, i think its a great step in personal authority to be able to fulfill his own needs

    and i want the flipside of hte coin, the fancy dates, fancy gifts

    i feel so far behind! and i feel so triggered, scared and also ashamed to deal with this

    boo hoo

    i want to heal this

    i would love to have a great program on healing this

    i want rori to help me with this

    i can get chill dates and small gifts but dang

    some women get jewelry, exotic trips, houses bought for them

    i want that!

    without feeling icky or like im ‘lying’



    this is ‘e*vil’ this is ‘wrong’ this is ‘manipulative’ this is the worst of women


    no wonder im blocked on it

    heal heal heal

  495.  #495Daria on October 12, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Janie Baby – big hugs! what i would do based on Rori’s advice and seems to work for many women is to NOT call or text (that ive done and it does NOT work it definitely pushes the man away and its an anxiety thing and i dont really feel better long term)

    instead if he calls after scheduled time, i say, oh i didnt hear from you and i made other plans, itd feel great to do it another time (and do something nice for you meanwhile)

    it sounds like letting him off the hook but actually if a woman is never available last minute or late then it just makes it way easy on her to just forget about it and do seomthing else great… the guy will eventually get it that he has to be on time to get her time… and she won’t have to do any work or stress about it, and it will feel good to honor herself! (it might feel scary to say it the first time, but it will also feel thrilling and SOO good)

    so it really doesnt matter What he does, he’ll get her time only when its good for her (as in on time for the date)

  496.  #496Tereana on October 12, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    I reminded myself today: I could have gotten married if I really wanted to. I was engaged at 27 and that felt good. I liked that. He loved me. What was wrong with it? Why did I bail? I still don’t really know, and that feels like why I can’t trust myself.

    I was young, I had no idea. But even though I’ve grown up more, I still don’t know that I wouldn’t “freak out” on the same situation.

    I feel jealous of people to whom this comes so easily. How do they do it? I feel jealous of people who can simply let life happen without needing or trying to control. I feel sad for myself that I have such a need for control. I feel sad for myself that, when presented with the opportunity for closeness and intimacy, I choose aloneness and separation.

    I feel sad for myself, I really do. And maybe this pity party is why. Like there is some kind of virtue in it.

    But there’s not.

    No one profits by my sadness. No ones life is improved when I live in isolation. Nobody is filled with joy when I’m crying.

    Being “happy” feels like just a cover for all my sadness. I don’t know why I have so much sad. I just hope that, someway, somehow, there is a way for life and for love to find me to be a good place to stay. I know sadness, like any feeling, is not forever….

  497.  #497Sirenity on October 12, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Have a CD calling me a lot and now telling me he “really really” likes me and wants to meet again soon. He lives 2 hours away and we have had 5 dates in total.

    Thing is I dont feel any chemistry for him. I have given it time. I feel a bit turned off when he kisses me . I think this is more so because he kept trying to kiss me passionately in the middle of the street at mid day and I felt YIIIIIK about that .Two 50 plus year olds snogging on the footpath felt repulsive to me. In fact I felt repulsed by him!! Later alone i felt angry that he was discussing having sex as if it was a business negotiation. I felt very turned off when I asked him if he had protection and he looked surprised!! And said he would go home and get some …YUUUUUKKKK.That felt cringey blech that there was no passion inside me and he was just talking about it like it was going to a cash point to get cash before shopping . I said no I did not want to have sex .He then down graded the offer to “going down ” on me , and when that was rebuffed he offered to massage my shoulders. It felt like he was giving off a needy vibe, NOT a masculine sexy vibe..I feel a bit sick remembering this.

    Anyway , I feel demanding girly like “he can come see me if he wants and take me out and he isnt getting sex ” I feel a bit “biatchy and precious ” and I like feeling like that because its good for my vibe and I want to feel ALIVE with a man, not numb and shut off. Biatchy vibe feels good right now!!!

    So i want to keep him for practice but not get physical . And I am judging myself and feeling “bad” for “leading a man on” I hear the little mice voices telling me I cant “practice” on a man . My logical me says that I can and will , because he is , after all , practicing on me too .:)

    So , questions… Do I tell him my feelings up front ?
    Do I continue to CD him and keep the physical stuff light? Is it ethical to continue practicing with a man who is really into you ? Could my feelings change?

    He is well matched in many ways , but I feel no spark.

  498.  #498Butterfly Wings on October 12, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    TH is now in another country for the next three weeks. I have a very full weekend ahead, and am actually excited about trying out my new gym tomorrow night.

    I’m also going to start my studies again. I’m a certified life coach but want to expand into health and wellness, so spent last night going through my notes for that where I had to self assess where I was at the time… And all I can say is WOW! I have come such a long way this last year! I feel so proud of myself! 🙂

    I can do this!!! And I’m probably going to have to get some extra income because it seems my dog may have a tumor! :-\