How To Find Happiness In The Middle of a Painful Breakup

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Teresa is in pain – and it’s a pain we all know. Pain and fear. And I’m not one to even try to erase it, because I can’t. Don’t even want to. Let’s see, though, how you can work through such an intense and painful experience – where hope for an outcome is compelling you to feel confused about what to do and say – where you feel helpless to create the result you want.

This is actually a traumatic experience – where your life feels like it’s hinged on what a man does – and you KNOW, as much as you want to – that you can’t control what he feels, what he thinks, or what he does.

It feels horrible, and let’s see if we can help her:

“Rori, I love your tapes, and sometimes they hit home more often than I care to admit. My situation, I’m separated. We’ve been together for 11 1/2 years and married almost 5. Last November I got the ‘talk’- ‘I just don’t feel that way for you anymore like I should.’ I’ve tried some of your techniques some have worked, then I think I fall back in that trap again. Just when I think I’m coping with everything OK – I get that low, lonely feeling again.

Lonely sucks – no matter how you try to wrap it – it sucks! I want to save my marriage, I want our marriage to be better than it was. I’m just stuck. I have several of your cds – I want to get more – I just don’t have the means to right now. I need some advice on what to do.

I’m standing on that bridge watching him leap off and doing his own thing, and it hurts and I’m scared. How do I keep my mind from running back to him? I know that I deserved to be loved for who I am, and before all of this happened, I thought everything was great – it hit me like a ton of bricks. In my heart – he’s the one. I’m hurt, scared, lonely, and depressed. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. Teresa

Here’s my answer:

Teresa – yes, I know, I’ve been there, and it hurts.

It’s scary. It’s grief and anger and stabbing pain and it’s hard to breathe. No getting around it.

So – how can I help you?

First – so much of the fear is that you feel helpless and out of control.

And – the truth is – that’s what your situation would trigger in ANYONE.

You have no control over the outcome of this in terms of this one man and the marriage you had. Trying to get control over it just causes MORE pain and distress and disturbance.

What you DO have control over, though – is the MEANING you give to the hurt and fear – to all of it.

You can ask yourself at every moment what this means to you, and then you can look at the thoughts and beliefs that are backing up that “meaning” – and THEN we can start shifting some of this away from feeling bad to feeling good.

***And it’s really important that you hold feeling good and being happy as the goal – rather than any logistical result – like “getting him back” – because that will only fire up the scary feelings more.

No “affirmations” around this, please.  Just the “idea” that you want to feel good and be happy.  Keep it simple.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to “shake up” the meaning you’re now “holding” for this situation and every moment you feel bad…

What if it doesn’t mean it’ll always be this way?

What if the hurt could lift for short periods of time even now…and then lift totally much sooner than I imagine?

What if this has nothing to do with him? Or what happens? What if what happens could happen in a completely different way than I imagine?

What would happen if I could FEEL good?  No matter what?

What if I could imagine a happy, magical life no matter what?

Can I imagine it without knowing what it would look like?

Can I imagine a Happy Ever After just by how it feels, and not at all how it “looks”?

What are the steps I can take to get to my Happy Ever After – things that I AM in control of? (What I think, what I do, what I say?)

How can I be “pro-active” for myself without trying to “make something happen” in the situation?

What if the answers will come to me from places I can’t imagine now?

What if the path ahead, and the next steps will become clear to me – baby-step-by-baby-step – in an organic way that just “shows up” without me trying?

What would it feel like if this happened?

What if I could ALLOW myself to consider being happy?

What if I could ALLOW the answers to come to me?

What if I could never have to give “meaning” to anything again?

What if the pain is temporary?

What if I can help myself?


The only way to create a shift in a relationship that has gone down the wrong path is to shift yourself.

And there’s no way to know what will happen when you do that – except – if you keep aiming for the feelings of peace, happiness, pleasure, ease…good feelings…what do you think is most likely to show up? Without you doing anything but taking good care of yourself?

I say yes – anything can happen…and if you choose to feel good as much as you can, wherever you can, no matter what’s happening around you – because you allow the good, peaceful feelings to emerge and allow the “meaning” your mind wants to give to everything a much needed rest – you will always be heading in the right direction.

So – start by asking yourself all those questions. And see what comes up. Let yourself be surprised.

Things do not always go according to plan.

And who said the plan was the right path, anyway?

Love, Rori


  1.  #1Tina on October 7, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    I already have two dates lined up 🙂

  2.  #2Tina on October 7, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    I feel happy , I caught myself feeling “lonely and sad” about what happened with eggshell man. My brain just wouldnt go there like all the way, pining and clinging to the sheets, crying crap lol.

  3.  #3Tina on October 7, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    I took myself out again last night for coffee with a friend 🙂 and tonight I’ll do the same until my dates start pouring in 🙂

  4.  #4Tina on October 7, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    Im signing up for a painting class, I feel excited to learn, I love learning new stuff.

  5.  #5Mercedes on October 7, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    “I say yes – anything can happen…and if you choose to feel good as much as you can, wherever you can, no matter what’s happening around you – because you allow the good, peaceful feelings to emerge and allow the “meaning” your mind wants to give to everything a much needed rest – you will always be heading in the right direction.”

    I love that. It’s what I try to do almost all the time. Having that attitude has made a world of difference in how J and I relate to each other too because it means we don’t argue (ever) and we enjoy, really enjoy each other’s company. When we’re both “thinking positive” and enjoying life, we’re really able to enjoy each other as well.

    Now…that attitude was easier said than done during breakups, but the harder I tried, the easier it became until eventually, I was feeling better than I ever thought I could.

    Thanks for this Rori!

    Much Love,

  6.  #6Daria on October 7, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    Yay Tina. I’m feeling really angry at my dad after how he treated me yesterday morning. I have fantasies of shooting at him. And breaking the computers and tv. Yay fun! Take that evil anger problem man that threatens to hit me and tells me that I’m a dog that everyone kicks ANC I attract this to me. Fuc’k u anger problem man that made my mom sick and depressed no wonder she wants to leave you who wants to put up with that crap anger problem man? Tryna throw me out the house when I
    Weak and ill fuc”k u. That I ask you for money and instead you want me to say thank you … I never ask you for money you evil bit’chmade man and I always say thank you
    I do not want to be treated this way abusively there is no roomin my life for abusive behavior. Fuc’k you who cares more about money and his desires than about supporting and encouraging his own daughter. Key alone talk about accepting you would never accept me mr anger problem controlling weirdo ohhh because I’m into feelings and into being happy and into herbs and natural medicines ANC food. Ohhh cuz I’m not knowing how to make lots of money or buying into average world ideas of justice. Yeah we Fuc’k u. Fuc’k you cuz this love doesn’t feel like love it feels like tags and abuse after you got into it with my mom and I don’t want to tolerate it and I am grateful that I’m seeing it for what it is.

    ANC that u think that me saying yes I’m ok with me no matter what you say or do is a problem because I’m sick well I bet an inner part of you is inspired and jealous. Why don’t you take all that evil power and use it for good. Then maybe I’ll be impressed. Then maybe you’ll see me and my life for what it is. Maybe you’ll be able to accept me if you accept yourself but right noe I Wang to bash you on the head with this computer and am ready go leave to Toronto after I get healed from this headache which seems caused by you cuz it’s all easing up even typing this. And Fuc’k you Fuc’k hou fuc”k you

    And I got hella s,hit to do here still hmmmmf. I want an encouraging loving and protective father

  7.  #7Amy F. on October 7, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    Rori’s Tools at Work:
    I’m going out on a first date with a dream man tonight for drinks. He calls me at 1pm and says he can get tickets to a baseball game and can I go. I hate baseball, but I am open, so I said I would feel good about going, but I cannot – I can’t meet until later (which was already established).
    He sends me a text that he has decided to go to the game. Please excuse him.
    THE OLD ME: would have either stuffed my anger and said “oh that’s OK”, or not texted him back at all to pretend I did not care.
    THE NEW ME: Texted back “I feel badly since I hired a babysitter so I am not going to let it go to waste. Sounds like an important game.

    He called right away and wanted to cancel the game. I said – “hey I’m going out anyway, so its your choice.” I had really released it at this point since I had expressed my feelings. He said: well I will go to the game then if I can have a rain check. I said yes. He said ” I just don’t want a rocky start with you”. The old me would have lied and said – “no, it’s OK. The new me told the truth – “well to be honest, I feel it is a bit of a rocky start”. He then decided to keep our date as planned. Totally his decision.
    I feel great – and really would have felt great even if he had decided to go to the game since I did not stuff my feelings down. THANK YOU RORI and sirens for the support! I am baby-stepping!

  8.  #8Brenda on October 7, 2010 at 2:02 pm


    That sucks! 🙁 I feel so sad when damaged people try to damage other people. What you really needed was a gentle hand on the shoulder and a gentle word.

  9.  #9Brenda on October 7, 2010 at 2:02 pm


    Good job baby-stepping your way with honest feeling messages!!!

  10.  #10Brenda on October 7, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    I have some potentially good news…I have a job interview tomorrow at a domestic violence shelter for women and children!

    I want to switch careers, because my P.O.P. has to do with helping people find inner healing and such. I feel concerned about the pay being far lower than at pharmaceutical companies. I am trying to steer in my heart to know what is right, asking God for guidance and feeling in my femininity…it is surely where my heart is. If God wants me to be there, He will provide for me. Just started reading “The Power” about abundance, etc. I am stepping out by faith!

  11.  #11BarbinOz on October 7, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Wow Amy you rock!! I love that bit about the old you (me) stuffing down the feelings, all that saying “Its OK” or “It’s fine” when really it isn’t…….I love this blog 🙂

    Tell us how the date went later…..

  12.  #12BarbinOz on October 7, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    #11 Brenda

    Well good luck with your interview, such a worthwhile thing to do WHEN (not if) you get the job.

    I would be a little scared about the finances too, maybe it will be shorter hours so you can get a 2nd job or like me work one extra day a week to keep my head above water…….I do get tired but this will have to do …..for now…..

  13.  #13Amy F. on October 7, 2010 at 2:24 pm


    So happy for you about the JOB! Just roll with it – find out what the pay actually is before you discount it. You will know the right thing to do when you need to.

    Again, congrats!

  14.  #14Amy F. on October 7, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    #11 Barb,

    Thanks so much. It really feels like a monumental shift. I have learned that when I stuff feelings, my NVs get out of control. In this case it would have been “how dare he?” “He does not value me, he’s taking me for granted”, and blah, blah, on and on. When in reality, he just wanted to go to a baseball game if he could minimize the consequences with me. Such man behavior!

    Thanks and I’ll keep you posted!

  15.  #15Brenda on October 7, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    Thanks! If God wants me there, it will happen.

  16.  #16Brenda on October 7, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    I have a second man from my craigslist posting who wants to meet!

  17.  #17Amy F. on October 7, 2010 at 3:20 pm


    You are on a roll! I feel so happy for you!

  18.  #18Daria on October 7, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    Wow! Awesome Amy !

    And Brenda, when I heard you said they didn’t contact you, I was thinking, I Bet they will !


  19.  #19Orna Walters on October 7, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    Thank you for another great post Rori!

    Heartbreak, disappointment and pain are something we can all relate to and finding a way out of that space is always a challenge.

    I love how you spelled out the steps to move into a new space with the focus on feeling good.

    One helpful tool that I’d like to add here is a pattern interrupt. When we find ourselves stuck in that old story, whatever it is: pain, loneliness, etc. Listen for what you are saying to yourself about yourself and say out loud “That’s not true! I just made that up!”

    Every time Matthew and I share this pattern interrupt with our clients – they LAUGH! That is the response we are looking for. “That’s not true! I just made that up!” Its funny to think how we all do that. It is funny. That saying that “Laughter is the best medicine” is true because laughing floods our brains with chemicals that make us feel good!

    In 1994 when the man I loved beat me, I felt broken and unlovable. That was not the truth of who I really am. So whatever meaning we’ve given to the events happening around us as human beings we have the greatest power on earth – CHOICE! Simply tell your brain the truth – “That’s not true! I just made that up!” And LAUGH OUT LOUD!

    Breathe, get clear and then CHOOSE another thought, another belief; i.e. “I am loved and I am safe.”

    Love and Abundance,

  20.  #20Ella on October 7, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    “What if the path ahead, and the next steps will become clear to me – baby-step-by-baby-step – in an organic way that just “shows up” without me trying?”

    For me this has such great meaning! I have always tried so hard to control outcomes, people and situations, and it exhausted me! Today I choose to let go and fully appreciate what life brings.

    The path will become clear, when it is good and ready!

    I feel excited, optimistic and good.
    I love my life right now. I am feeling joyful. I feel like a pheonix being reborn, lol!

    Yay, yay, happy, shiny me. Happy shiny people. Happy shiny Siren’s. 🙂

  21.  #21Brenda on October 7, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    Daria and Amy,

    Thanks! Yet a third one has responded, too!

    I feel obsessed with penises today. I keep wanting to say “Penis”. And Daria, every time I see a kayak I think of you and want to laugh! I’m talking about the red vulva thing, fyi.

  22.  #22jacqueline on October 7, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    Tina here – are you also Tina who’s looking for an answer to her Oct. 1st question? (different avatar?)… Cuz I hope that Tina’s still here, too…

  23.  #23Renee on October 7, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    I just posted on the wrong dam* post…Blondie just broke up with me…I am hurting so bad I can’t explain it….the tears won’t stop running down my face…

    How can someone go from adoring me so much one minute to feeling like we’re lacking something “spiritual” the next…it doesn’t make sense to me…I’m just too tired of all this dating to do it anymore….I finally thought I’d found the “one” and it wasn’t true…I feel like God’s punishing me for something and I can’t figure out what it is. I’m not a bad person…I just want to be loved. Why can’t I just be loved?

  24.  #24Brenda on October 7, 2010 at 6:25 pm


    Oh no! So sorry to hear that! What happened? I’m praying for you. No, God’s not punishing you.

    Much Love,

  25.  #25Brenda on October 7, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    Then there are frequent reminders of why I hate dating….this response was titled, “Pennsylvania Dutch Broad”:

    I think we will be a pefect match for each other…..if this is going to work out I will need test your skills by having you build me a new shed….I mean after all you said you are from PA Ducth Country and those amish broads build a mean shed and make a great shoe fly pie…hit me up sis

    I feel sick.

  26.  #26Lizzie on October 7, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    Renee! what happened??

  27.  #27Alicia on October 7, 2010 at 6:54 pm

    Teresa –

    In all the things I’ve ever read on men.. When you want them back and feel lost. The best thing to do is find yourself again. The information I read all says the same thing..

    #1 Agree with the “break-up” (this throws them off and gives you at least some personal control and don’t chase him.) Do a make a list of his pro’s and cons… people forget the shitty things and put people on a undeserving thrown at times.

    #2 Be in the present as much as possible.. After I picked myself up and dusted myself off. I forced myself to date. Still had my crying spells. And then slowly became more and more emerged in the present. But, when I would feel my mind wonder or daydream of him.. or feel lonely.. I say out-loud what I am doing.. ex ( I am looking a purple towel. OR walking the dog and I see a blue car, red mailbox, green leaves..) it does help..

    #3 Accept it.. Acceptance will help you not go back and try to “fix”.. Just move forward and do what feels good to you. Just try to do what feels pleasing to you. And he might fall in love all over again or you might find you are a becoming a new person..

    (I also find linking any pain in the present to the earliest times in my past helpful. It helps you heal it and not relive it. The intensity lifts)

    I started asking myself. Does the feel good to me? Instead of wondering what other people would think. And I started taking more risk with fashion and just the way I carry myself. The vibe is great and I smile more at other because I’m pleased with me. And not fearful of them..

    Just saying.. A lot of times people loose their selves. letting their self go or being more like their partner. And the key to attraction is being yourself and spreading your wings.

    Rejection hurts (ohhhh gosh we all know) but, don’t internalize it. This could be the best thing ever.. you’ll come out a new person. And probably be confused if you even want him anymore.

    Rori tools helped me ALOT! And a counselor facilitated me by making it safe to get in touch with my anger and make peace with the past (acceptance 😉

    Now I date in a whole new way… I totally bring out the A game in a guy.. I’m treated the way I deserve to be treated and say no to hustlers, instead of try to hope for changes.. Then they come back with respect and I consider going out with them and practice my boundries.

    It”s all very easy and comfortable now.. I still LIKE ladies men.. As in a guy who has personality, looks and knows how to make a women feel like a women. But, I just am more relaxed and not afraid to put their needs 2nd to mine, and feel shocked at the guys who still contact me for 6 months now and I’ve never slept with….. it’s crazy

  28.  #28Alicia on October 7, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    Orna –

    I agree with your post.. Saying it aloud what your are truly feeling helps. I do that with my counselor and it works.. I never said any of it aloud for the longest but, if I tell her an event and she says how do you feel? What is that feeling saying? I’ll say worthless, rejected or what ever, and then we kind of look at each other and the light bulb moment happens like.. Duhhhh. That’s so not true.. I have my own voice that says I’m awesome. I heard the abusers voice not my own. Like Rori said when you stay with the feeling, it passes.. and it does. Acknowledge everything!!! Supress nothing.. and feel it all.haha

  29.  #29Lucy on October 7, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    Brenda, I feel amused by that PA Dutch guy. The Amish women do make the shoofly pies, but they sure as heck don’t build the sheds!!! Sounds like he wants a hermaphrodite. 🙂

  30.  #30Renee on October 7, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    I don’t know what happened…I feel like I have whiplash! He went from wanting to meet my family last weekend (and thinking that it went really well) and asking me to be exclusive with him to telling me there was just something missing that he couldn’t put his finger on…he said it was something spritual or chemical or something….that I didn’t “move” him. I just sat there with tears welling up and my jaw hanging slack…this was the man who served my every need and looked at me with the most adoring eyes I’ve seen in 20 years.

    I’m just hurting so badly…this was the day after I finally told the last of the online guys I had been talking with that I was unavailable…I’m still in shock really…Blondie didn’t really “move” me in that spiritual way either, I guess, but I would have bet my bottom dollar that he was going to go the distance…he fought so hard to get me and again, just looked at me with utter adoration in his eyes…I don’t know what to do…it hurts.

  31.  #31Lucy on October 7, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Renee, I posted a response to you on the other thread . . . I am so sorry this happened …. I feel brokenhearted for you. 🙁

  32.  #32Lizzie on October 7, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    OMG Renee – my heart is all tight and choaked up. I am so sad for you 🙁

  33.  #33Renee on October 7, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    Thank you, girls, for all your support. I just feel like I’ve been laid out vulnerable for the whole world to see and been punched in the stomach…and I was just starting to feel really hopeful…like I could finally have the life I wanted, but now I just want to curl up in a ball and lie there…I just wish he hadn’t been so adament about wanting to meet my family and have me meet his and talk about spending New Year’s with me, etc. It feels like he was lying to me the whole time and I bought it, hook, line and sinker. How could he nearly beg me not to see other men 5 days ago and break up with me today?

    At first, I found myself trying to convince him some, and then, I realized what I was doing and I told him if that’s what he wanted, then that’s what he wanted. He started to say something like, “I know, it seems like I’m changing my mind…” and I just hung up on him.

    Right now, I feel like men suck and you can’t trust them as far as you can throw them…I didn’t used to feel this way, but I don’t know that I’ll be able to shake this anytime soon.

  34.  #34Lizzie on October 7, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    what a shit head

  35.  #35Lizzie on October 7, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    I shall crawl into the dark hole with you and hold you so you can wail all that pain out of your body

  36.  #36Lizzie on October 7, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    I have an axe, a 3 pound hammer (don’t ask….) and a box of matches

  37.  #37Simply Shannon on October 7, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    Renee: You just took a HUGE baby step. I’m really sorry you are hurting but don’t miss this…

    At first, I found myself trying to convince him some, and then, I realized what I was doing and I told him if that’s what he wanted, then that’s what he wanted. He started to say something like, “I know, it seems like I’m changing my mind…” and I just hung up on him.

    You stopped yourself from leaning forward, and you did the virtual walk away. YEAH! I feel proud of you.

    This dude will be back. Mark my words. He will be back. Not sure when (and I know that doesn’t ease the pain you feel right now) but you handled it GREAT!

  38.  #38Renee on October 7, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    Thank you again girls, for being there for me. It just sucks that he basically talked me into having a relationship with me and then backed out of it…it just seems like there’s something else going on there that I don’t know about, you know?

    In any event…I txted the Dr. whom I cancelled on last Friday and he’s eager to take me out on Saturday…I hope I’m together enough by then to be open and enjoy myself, but it felt good to talk to him tonight and I really needed to feel good.

  39.  #39jacqueline on October 7, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    AHHHHHH!!!!! Renee – OMGOSH!!! What?!!! Just checking in after wordpressing myself to death – and awwwwwwww!!! I somehow had a bad gut feeling about him; the minute we let ourselves believe this is what we get?!!! and yes! I have thought his wishy washiness was symptomatic of some kind of deeper crap the whole time. Anything you can find to feel better is great! I’m so glad we’re all here to listen –

    and btw, want me to go kick his ever lovin behind??

    or shall we just say what an idjit?!!!! and never speak of him again.

    This is awful, sooooo sorry, girlfriend!


  40.  #40jacqueline on October 7, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    and if – Shannon is right (which she probably is!) who needs his passive agressive bullsh** anyway! NO to EVER going through this again. YOU are STILL wonderful – and I have been there, too. The why me part….I promise you it will get better – don’t know how or when but it will. Absolutely promise and please please please don’t beat yourself up tonite?


  41.  #41relationship coaching on October 7, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    Pain is a vital part of a love. You really dont have the control over the break-up but you have the control in yourself how you will respond in it. Don’t close yourself into being happy again. Let happiness comes in you. As what they say after the night is a promise of a beautiful sunshine. So don’t lose hope.

  42.  #42relationship coaching on October 7, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    Pain is a vital part of a love. You really dont have the control over the break-up but you have the control in yourself how you will respond in it. Don’t close yourself into being happy again. Let happiness comes in you. As what they say after the night is a promise of a beautiful sunshine. So don’t lose hope.

  43.  #43Daria on October 7, 2010 at 10:03 pm

    Tinque – are you around… found you one of my other links on Female Squirting Orgasm

  44.  #44Daria on October 7, 2010 at 10:25 pm

    Renee – I feel shaky saying this … And I so dont want this to hurt…
    There was something missing and that’s circular dating. Getting exclusive too soon really puts pressure in the relationship, and the man feels trapped , yes even tho he suggested it… And then starts to look at all the reasons why it might not work, because he didnt gave to compete and fight for you, or claim you with a ring…

    Those steps are important for a man to build hid attraction and lead him to the decision to commit forever…

    I feel protective of your pain, but know it is only temporary… You will grow and be stronger from this and you will have what you want…

    This experiment led to pain, and that’s ok, feel it, love it , love you, and get back on your beautiful horse

    Make all men work for you and claim you, he must win the competition to win you, all men want you and the one for you will go all the way

  45.  #45Daria on October 7, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    Ps – yes he will be back, with a vengeance … Then you will have a choice of CDing him – what I would do – or tell him you’re no longer interested in having him in your life in any way

  46.  #46Meemee on October 7, 2010 at 10:41 pm

    I don’t know what to say!!! But I understand your pain. Hug you tight.

  47.  #47Nikita on October 7, 2010 at 10:50 pm



  48.  #48Daria on October 7, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    Nikita lol – y r u giving me glasses?

  49.  #49Nikita on October 7, 2010 at 10:59 pm

    I feel soooo sleepy….
    I feel disappointed about Renee’s posts….
    I feel sad that I can’t stay awake to chat with meemee the way I’d like…
    I feel inspired by some other posts and transformations….
    It’s two am and I want coffee….
    I want a blog…..I want a place to write what I really think…..I feel censored here….I like that though but I get so inspired and want to express more……just not sure what to write…..I just feel this urge…..

  50.  #50Nikita on October 7, 2010 at 11:00 pm


    Word 8)

  51.  #51Nikita on October 7, 2010 at 11:01 pm

    I wear my sunglasses at night….so I can… I can…

    Siren karaoke . . . . .

    How do I make music notes?

  52.  #52Daria on October 7, 2010 at 11:05 pm

    Here I likey the song… Ohh I feel frustrated that you feel censored here dang … I feel soo curious … I guess I feel minorly censored on some of my raps it would feel like raining cannonballs hehe

    I make music notes using character map but I think it’s also possible pressing alt + f-something

  53.  #53Nikita on October 7, 2010 at 11:14 pm

    I haven’t read this post…..I feel so sleepy……I’m in bed……I want to make mischief!!!! I need to sleep:(
    I feel scared if I keep writing I might be too blunt….I hold my tongue…..I feel proud of Amy F 😀 yay……my sweetie has been giving me this vibe like I’m wonderful and great because I’m just ME. I’ve been staying present when he stresses and I don’t try to fix or suggest… I just hold it and listen…I don’t know if it’s level 2 cuz when I do it I just think: Empathy. Just be here….just be……just listen and trust…trust he knows best to fix….but only you can be…..I just BE :8
    Lol….nah, really. It feels a little shaky…..but I get kisses a little while later……and these twinkle eyes….and I’m like; uh…ok…. 🙂 and then I just go back to whatever I was doing but I express it….like a boundary…..if I heard some intense sh$t….I listen….and wait….but then I get thirsty….or I have to pee;) so I say….I feel thirsty…I’m going to go to the kitchen…I’ll be back…..and then I feel better…..I feel like I’m being respectful and taking care of and honoring me…..this seems little now that I wrote it but……it’s how I define doing NOTHING…..and it is hard…..but not really…’s really easy and gentle….it just feels different because we aren’t “working” for it or “earning” it…..

  54.  #54Nikita on October 7, 2010 at 11:17 pm

    I don’t have alt on the iPad 🙁

    Do you make notes on the phone? How did you get so daggone tech savvy ????!!!!!!?

    I feel like I’ve been all “laying up in the cut” lol…..hanging on the sidelines…. I’m thinking of making an alias….. Then maybe I wouldn’t feel censored 😉

  55.  #55Daria on October 7, 2010 at 11:19 pm

  56.  #56Daria on October 7, 2010 at 11:22 pm

    Here’s a handy link .. I just look stuff up..

    This worked:

    For music note it’s what I am writing inside these brackets

    [ ♫]

  57.  #57Nikita on October 7, 2010 at 11:22 pm


  58.  #58Katarina Phang on October 7, 2010 at 11:23 pm

    It took me about 18 months to really get over my heartbreak. Now I’m so totally renewed in my conviction that it could have been for the best.

    I still love my husband but I’m also excited about my new blooming relationship with my new beau.

    I have leaned back so totally the past month since I met SG. I have no more the craving to be with my husband.

    I have all the options I need. This new man may prove to be a better match for me…only time will tell and we’re excited to explore that possibility.

    Less than a month after our magical weekend getaway he invited me back to visit him next week for 8 days because he couldn’t wait for November when I’m back from my home country.

    We’re planning to see each other once a month. The long distance actually works to our advantage to keep the relationship on a manageable and healthy pace considering our addiction to each other that allows us to grow and heal from our past hurts (of our respective broken relationships).

    I’m enjoying each day as it unfolds: his adoration and expression of love, longing and affection.

  59.  #59Daria on October 7, 2010 at 11:23 pm

    Um guess the brackets didn’t work lol



    With a ; after the5

  60.  #60Meemee on October 7, 2010 at 11:25 pm

    Dear Sirens,
    I have got a good news to share. I got an international fellowship. 10000 USD. They give it to 5 research scholars from all over the world. From Asia I got selected. Doesn’t that sound good? I feel happy. Once I get the money, which will take a couple of months because of the administrative procedures, I will be able to quit this job, go for field work, search for another job without feeling financially pressurized, which will make me happy. I can even move away from the research institute for some time. I will not have to feel bad sitting here, doing totally unproductive things. And yes, I can buy Rori’s book. 🙂 🙂 🙂
    I feel relieved.
    Hug you all.

  61.  #61Nikita on October 7, 2010 at 11:27 pm

    [&#9836 ;]

  62.  #62Nikita on October 7, 2010 at 11:29 pm

    [number: &#9836 ;]
    [ ♭ ] flat note

    &#9836 ;]

    [number: &9836 ;]

  63.  #63Nikita on October 7, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    Sigh….I feel like giving up

  64.  #64Nikita on October 7, 2010 at 11:31 pm

    Meemee….that is Wonderful!!!!!

    I feel so proud of you 🙂

    And relieved.

  65.  #65Nikita on October 7, 2010 at 11:32 pm

  66.  #66Nikita on October 7, 2010 at 11:33 pm

    Yay!!!!!!!!!!! 8)

    Omg I accomplished something that is so out of my comfort zone!!!!!

  67.  #67Katarina Phang on October 7, 2010 at 11:34 pm

    Renee, I feel for you but leave him alone for now and let him process everything.

    He might just have a mild case of “cold feet.” Men always withdraw after a period of heavy intimacy. Sometimes it’s just too overwhelming to them.

    By you standing tall and taking care of your own needs without the begging will render him “confused” and he’ll start questioning his own judgment.

    Just keep dating and don’t make this a bigger issue than it actually is.

  68.  #68Nikita on October 7, 2010 at 11:35 pm

    ♫ I wear my sunglasses at night…. ♫ so I can…..
    So I can….. ♫


  69.  #69Nikita on October 7, 2010 at 11:40 pm

    I want a cookie…..but….. I must go to sleep…..go to sleep….very sleepy….
    Thanks Daria 😀

  70.  #70Meemee on October 7, 2010 at 11:40 pm

    Thanks. I feel so so so good when others feel happy for me and proud of me.
    I really do.

  71.  #71Daria on October 7, 2010 at 11:44 pm

    Meemee – that is so awesome! I feel a lil jealous..

    That is fantastic news!

  72.  #72Nikita on October 7, 2010 at 11:47 pm


  73.  #73Daria on October 7, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    Yay nikita! Cookie tomorrow!

  74.  #74Daria on October 7, 2010 at 11:56 pm

    ♚ ♡ ♕

  75.  #75Daria on October 8, 2010 at 12:01 am

  76.  #76Daria on October 8, 2010 at 12:03 am

    is this big

  77.  #77Brenda on October 8, 2010 at 12:09 am

    number: &#9835 ; Congratulations, Meemee!

    Go to bed, Nikita! 8)

  78.  #78Lorelei on October 8, 2010 at 12:09 am

    Well done, Meemee!!! This is fantastic. Isn’t it wonderful when the waterwheel of the universe starts giving to us!!!

  79.  #79Brenda on October 8, 2010 at 12:09 am

    Grrr! number: ♫

  80.  #80Brenda on October 8, 2010 at 12:11 am

    ♫ Daria ♫

    Thanks for the website! They don’t make it very clear, tho. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ Nikita wears her sunglasses at night ♫ ♫ ♫ because she’s cool! ♫ ♫ ♫

  81.  #81Lorelei on October 8, 2010 at 12:12 am

    Renee – oh, so sorry to hear this, and how much it hurts. Sending you a virtual soft fluffy blanket of love.

  82.  #82Daria on October 8, 2010 at 12:12 am

    what about this!

  83.  #83Daria on October 8, 2010 at 12:13 am

    Brenda – yes, but its pretty comprehensive at least

    is this red

  84.  #84Daria on October 8, 2010 at 12:14 am

    apparently we can’t make stuff big and red!


    we’ll just have to do other stuff… sometimes guidelines boost creativity

  85.  #85Brenda on October 8, 2010 at 12:17 am

    Why am I up at 3 am? Because I have a job interview tomorrow and it’s the weekend and I’m excited!

    Bill has been distancing himself from me like crazy lately, almost strictly keeping our conversation to work-related stuff and not coming by my desk anymore. I’m thinking of saying, “It seems like you’re distancing yourself lately.” I mean, I know he’s gay now and that he is in a relationship. I suppose it shouldn’t matter, but I want him to be friends with me beyond work. I hope he doesn’t end our friendship when I leave at the end of November.

  86.  #86Daria on October 8, 2010 at 12:17 am


    p {color: white; }
    body {background-color: black; }

    White text on a black background!

  87.  #87Daria on October 8, 2010 at 12:18 am

    i feel distant from you lately?

  88.  #88Brenda on October 8, 2010 at 12:18 am


    Oh yes we can make stuff big and red! 😛 Red vulva! LOL! 😆

  89.  #89Daria on October 8, 2010 at 12:19 am

    lol… the vulva is no longer red…


  90.  #90Meemee on October 8, 2010 at 12:19 am

    All the best for the interview.
    All luck!!!

  91.  #91Brenda on October 8, 2010 at 12:22 am

    Thank you, Daria, I couldn’t quite wrap my heart-mind around putting that in a feeling message without using “you”! That will work! I really like him!
    What a waste of a handsome hunk, tho! I can’t help but think that! I’ll hafta see if webkinz has anything that looks like a penis! ♎

  92.  #92Brenda on October 8, 2010 at 12:22 am

    Crap, the penis turned into a mere square.

  93.  #93Brenda on October 8, 2010 at 12:23 am

    Daria…LOL! 😆

    Meemee, I truly believe God gave you that as a gift both for your life and career but also to give you a very beautiful means for getting away from the player.

  94.  #94Daria on October 8, 2010 at 12:23 am

    no its not a square, i think its Libra

  95.  #95Daria on October 8, 2010 at 12:35 am

    I knew it! again ahead of the trend:
    (i get triggered by the word “balanced”)

    Strive for Imbalance

    When someone tells you to try to have greater balance in your life, your immediate and appropriate reaction is a spasm of disbelief. “Balance?” you ask yourself. “How does that work? For every extra hour at work find another hour at home? For every extra kid at home, reduce my workload by exactly the amount my new child requires? For every school play I should attend, cut out a presentation on the road? For everything I say yes to, say no to something else? Is that it?”

    Not according to the people we interviewed. They didn’t talk about balance much at all. They seemed to realize that not only was a perfect equilibrium nigh on impossible to achieve, but also that even if they did manage to achieve it, it wouldn’t necessarily fulfill them anyway—when you are balanced, you are stationary, holding your breath, trying not to let any sudden twitch or jerk pull you too far one way or the other. You are at a standstill. Balance is the wrong life goal.

    Instead, do as these women did and strive for imbalance. Pinpoint the strong-moments in each aspect of your life and then gradually target or tilt your life toward them. This means being as deliberate as you can about making them happen. It means investigating them when they do happen, looking at them from new perspectives, and celebrating them. Above all, it means giving them the power of your attention.

    What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently
    By Marcus Buckingham

  96.  #96Senior Lady Vibe on October 8, 2010 at 1:00 am

    @58: Meemee says:
    “Dear Sirens,
    I have got a good news to share. I got an international fellowship. 10000 USD.”

    Meemee, that’s truly wonderful. And what a blessing. In your mind you already have the money; you can start making plans right away.

    Let the fabulous times begin!


  97.  #97Senior Lady Vibe on October 8, 2010 at 1:11 am

    @33: Renee

    It’s sad to hear your guy has taken a “squirrel-like” turn, holding on to his nut…refusing to crack the shell and share.

    Whichever way it goes, this sad situation is temporary.

    Sending some warm vibes your way.


  98.  #98Amy F. on October 8, 2010 at 1:22 am


    I just read about what happened and I feel so sad. I feel Daria’s wisdom in #42. When they ask you the first few times to be exclusive, that’s the time to CD more than ever before and really anchor yourself in your own life. It seems the more masculine the man is, the more he needs to feel he has “won” you.

    I feel your pain and we all wrap ourselves around you in support and love.

  99.  #99Amy F. on October 8, 2010 at 1:23 am


    I could hardly believe my eyes when I read about your good news. Congrats!
    I feel so happy for you. Cheers to your new life!

  100.  #100Meemee on October 8, 2010 at 1:47 am

    Daria, Brenda, SLV and Amy
    Thanks a lot. I feel so happy that I have you in my life now to share my happiness and sadness. It truly makes a difference. I am all the more happy that it was not him I went to first when I got to know about this fellowship. I no longer want to share my happiness with him.
    Thanks a ton

  101.  #101Daria on October 8, 2010 at 2:35 am

    I intend to make a list of these strongest moments in my life:

    When I won the tennis tournament when I was 12 and I was there alone

    Oohh. When kids were calling me down to play from my grandmas balcony

    When I got in a fistfight with my godbrother for calling me a name and everyone saw it

    … Investigating, a lot of these moments have to do with people giving me attention…. Hmmm

    When guy who had a baby was following me around the house wanting to sit by me

    When tr man wanted to please me, when he said he’s falling in love with me, when I felt really turned on by him… That ones sexual

    When guywhohadababy said he’d been in love with me

    When Ronnie said I’m a gangsta

    When I went out to play by my grandmas house and everyone wanted to know me

    … Mire investigating, I feel afraid to share some of these moments cuz my nvs say it’s not appropriate to enjoy men wanting to go dien on me and wininning fistfights as top moments…

    When I looked so amazing on holloween I felt like I was
    floating and everyone wanted to videotape u’s

    When I felt out of this world the first time a man went down on me

    Wen I felt like I was among the stars and so turned on after smoking that weed from union square in frisco

    Wen I felt amazingly happy and that everything is going right again when I started using Rori’s stuff and getting good at it

    When I was in my power using “I’m lucky” in the acuna matata way

    When Wayne wanted to protect me from my ex and he was so fine

    When I felt in the moment and part of it in Romania when my soul would settle down

    When I was out with my guy friends and feeling so open and alive in the car

    When I notice I look sexy dancing and can hypnotize the room with it

    Hmmm… This craving for attention

    I want to be a rapper a singer a famous beauty

    I feel afraid to want these things

    I am already so amazing

    Mmmm I feel excited to be them! I fully intend to now

  102.  #102BarbinOz on October 8, 2010 at 2:55 am

    #23 Renee

    Haven’t even read any further down but just feeling F*CK F*CK F*CK…ok back to reading more I just CANNOT BELIEVE it!! And I dont want to say MEN, but I am until I read further………will be back…….

  103.  #103BarbinOz on October 8, 2010 at 3:00 am

    AND I haven’t so far read any further about Renee and Blondie but am starting to have whole doubts about this whole RR programme not in a nasty way but you know how can you categorise men and women in “this” way………..we are all different………and one way is good for this person and one way is good for another we are not robots or clones, OK I need to take a deep breathe and go back and read more because Renee and Blondie were my shining example of how to make things work the RR way and I CANNOT friggin’ believe it is over……

  104.  #104Daria on October 8, 2010 at 3:06 am

    When I was dancing at that one club when I was young, and that other club in Romania,

    When me and my guy friends were all out together in holloween

    A lot of this is me either feeling accepted or admired or both.

    When guywhohadababy talked good about me to my godbrother

    When he said I hang out with gangstas

    When he said he wanted me to move in

    When he asked me what to do about the other girl at his door

    When he said he was worried I wouldn’t talk to him no more because of her

    When I kicked that girls ass who stole my bf and everyone jumped in for me when he hit me and they both had to leave. Yahoo

    When ronie said I was thight even wearing sweatpants

    When I woke up at guywhohadababys house and our friends were there

    Omg making this list feels so thrilling

    When I told everyone he was goin down on me because they were saying I was sucking his dick and doing his homework
    And then my other brother told him. And I felt embarassed but glad I stood up fir myself

    When they came and got me from class in my car and said I was family

    When I kicked that girls ass in front of the church people

    When I felt like I was falling in love with cdero when we were fighting and kissing and then I fell asleep with my head in his lap on the park bench at 8 am

    When me and my girl would go meet guys from highschool

    When my cousin and I would plan how we’d flirt with guys the next day

    When tr man made a point to say hello to me everytime he saw me

    When we did it behind the tree and he sai you’re My girlfriend

    I feel like im making a list of what’s gona flash before my eyes before I die… But this is live

    Good cuz I want to live

  105.  #105Daria on October 8, 2010 at 3:17 am

    When I felt like a powerful siren on siren island

    When I know I’m a goddess

    When I feel attractive to a man


    Mmmm. When that one guy wound up kissing me and saying he wants me to be his woman and my room is cozy

    When ny guy said my jacket was “tough”. And when he wanted to kiss me goodbye

    I feel so thrilled,,, u kno wat I’m realizing? I’m not using alcohol to feel connected or get these “highs ” anymore. .

    Before I used to always notice it and it felt essential and integral.

    Yay for have now no need to drink alcohol to get “real” and “brave”


    The last few times I got a lil drunk did loosen me up but not like I couldn’t have otherwise

    I don’t really feel constrained anymore

    Another strong moment

    Out at night feeling in tune accepted by the trees and animals

    When my godkids call me nasha

    When this one girl was tryna get all amped upbtalking to my godsister against me when I was in a low point and my godsister didn’t say a thing lol! Wrong bit’ch biatch

  106.  #106Daria on October 8, 2010 at 3:21 am

    My nvs are judging me as such a immature and silly person

    And at the same time I feel so proud of my innocence my downto earthiness as in no extra than the real genuine humanness that makes me happy and the love that just bursts and bursts out of me constantly like I’m a lil lovestar blowing up with love

    Being seen being praised and winning makes me happy… And being desired

  107.  #107Daria on October 8, 2010 at 3:31 am

    “they” say I’m crazy and u dont have it all and I’m happy!! Cuz to me it means I’m not fooled and caught up in the stratosphere. I’m right there where it counts, where it feels real and raw and good good good when it feels good and it feels good a lot

    Who has the courage to be so honest? Me I do. And it’s feeling safe now, bot even that scary. All I gave to hear is my own nvs, and I love them .

    Who judging from the outside can harm me, when I love myself. No one. That’s who.

    Yay me, I win by loving myself .


    I am so beautiful, to me, can’t you see, my love is blind, and I am so beautiful to me… I must be… The most beautiful girl in the world… Truth be told… There are not many like me that you see… I am so beautiful to me

  108.  #108Daria on October 8, 2010 at 3:38 am

    I feel teary in that “moved and giddy way.

    I think all of u’s women are the most beautiful when we touch what’s inside and show it. And I am and I’m feeling less and less shy ….. Mmmmmm

    Who writes love poems to herself like me

    Who becomes the goddess like me

    Who admires herself in the mirror and on sight like me

    Anyone who wants to that’s who


    I have been blessed in this lifetime, with so much love and adventure… Like one of the stories I like to read… Cut out and made into a wing a million times… This million winged creature that is my life… Nurtures me… With it’s brown soft furry skin where I feel warm and safe and wanted and loved

  109.  #109Daria on October 8, 2010 at 3:52 am

    Once upon a time there was a girl named Daria.
    And she had heard from learned people , that going to sleep late at night was gona make her sick. And she felt sad, because she so loved the night.

    And this one particular night she thought about this before going to sleep. And that night, she had a drem that healed her of all the worries, and all the problems she had gatered from believing those people, whe were well meanin but not well suited for her.

    And she woke up with a clear, comprehensive understanding, that tied into her beliefs like octopus tentacles, it was so well webbed in.

    And not only this, but she woke up feeling refreshed and joyful! And from that day forward, she always woke up refreshed and joyful, no matter when or where she fell asleep.

    She felt thrilled and grateful, and she was truly happy.

  110.  #110Daria on October 8, 2010 at 4:05 am

    Ok here’s a feeling message don’t want scripting question for brave ones:

    How do I let a man know I don’t have sex with a man until he’s gone down on me, without expecting sex?

    Because I want the guy to ask, but really it’s cuz I feel afraid to say it I think… It feels uncomfortable for me…


  111.  #111Kath on October 8, 2010 at 4:17 am

    Hey Sirens!

    Oh boy you are going to love this!- You may remember I said I was still living with the guy who wouldn’t leave- Well, last weekend we had tears from him about how he didn’t want to go, didn’t want to split up blah blah blah and would I give him another chance until Xmas- Hey- I am so indfferent towards him now that I said “Yeah, Ok” but I have put firm boundaries on it and (its not been a week yet remember!) but we’ve actually been getting aloong. I have decided to listen and watch and just carry on with being me and focussing on me. He started college last week and guess what?- he’s been there for four days and has mentioned one girl’s name more than anyone else- told me all about her and even accepted her as a friend on facebook- She’s his type-and single and has her own place- but is really intelligent and he thinks he can “learn from her”- Pah!!- I am so finding this funny!- Yes, really am finding it funny!- because now I am under no illusion about what’s he’s like- He says he loves me and wants to be with me- We’ll see!- the pain is being replaced with strength and me being all about me and being happy with who I am. Funny again though that even only yesterday he felt the need to pick three things that were wrong with me!- Yeah, whatever mate!- feel like I’m being compared with Blondie- but I know my worth!

  112.  #112Daria on October 8, 2010 at 4:31 am

    When I am there in my grandmas house, and smell the sea breeze and see the sunlight playing with the leaves on the sidewalk.., and the embroidered linen smiling

    I feel a part of all my ancestors… And all my peoples in the books on the shelf… And the words coming up from the street

    So what am I doing here so far? Where things feel so much more ogun technological that wood and linen?

    I am exploring like the astronaut. This dark backed galaxy with flashes of light… This speedy cosmic ness.

    And one day I shall home to rest… Or maybe it will all come together in a way I can’t imagine… And there’s no mourning… For the hemp and linen sheets woven by hand by a great grandmothers sultryness. Sweat and spit and live… And straining fresh cheese through

    I am so blessed… And I ask for all the sensations that I miss, come to me a hundredfold… I wont abandon you… I receive u now and I will drink it all happy and greedy.

    Thank you angels. Please help achieve this fully and yummy, thank you!! Bless you my angels, all and each of you.

  113.  #113Daria on October 8, 2010 at 4:52 am

    Kath – it’s great that you’re feeling strong. Now kick him out!

    You deserve so much more, and you can give it to you!

  114.  #114Maria on October 8, 2010 at 5:49 am

    I agree on Daria´s take on Renee´s case.

    Renee – I feel shaky saying this … And I so dont want this to hurt…
    There was something missing and that’s circular dating. Getting exclusive too soon really puts pressure in the relationship, and the man feels trapped , yes even tho he suggested it… And then starts to look at all the reasons why it might not work, because he didnt gave to compete and fight for you, or claim you with a ring…

    jay! i think it says a lot.

  115.  #115Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 6:40 am

    Renee: Yeah for a date with The Doc. That’s brilliant! I feel excited. I say no to the comment that he talked you into exclusivity. We are not victims. We chose things when we accept them. And so maybe that choice didn’t work out right now. Lesson learned baby girl. K? Blondie will be back. I know it. And maybe The Doc will be fabulous and Blondie will look not-so-fabulous when he comes back (which he will).

    Take the pain but don’t break. You are the tree rooted into the ground, swaying in the wind of life. Bend, don’t break. You got this girl.

    Can’t wait to hear about the date! Shannon

  116.  #116Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 6:44 am

    Oh and yeah Tina!! I’m with you girlfriend. Toe’ing the Rori line this time around. I will circular date. Consider it done. Can’t wait to hear about your dates!

    Trying to decide if I want to join Match again. That’s in my prayer list right now. Eeek. I feel nervous just considering it. I don’t even have time to date right now. Or is that my fear making excuses? 🙂

  117.  #117BarbinOz on October 8, 2010 at 6:53 am

    #113 SS

    Great post Shannon, this is why I love Siren Island, so much support and love for one another 🙂

  118.  #118LonePlum on October 8, 2010 at 6:58 am

    Renée 33
    I am sorry girl. I send you my best wishes for the journey you are starting inside yourself. You handled the last convo like a brave siren. You did not give in to fear of loss. You honoured your goal. You were coherent with yourself.
    He will come back, be very AWARE of what he will be REALLY giving you before you give him anything, this time.

    Barbie 101
    just quickly. I hope iI won’t feel sorry tomorrow for saying this

    I have been reading the blog for a few weeks and understanding baby step by baby step.
    I have not bought any tools, but your stories are enough for me to remember what used to be my rules . In fact they still are my golden rules, but somehow I am not good any more at sticking to my boundaries.
    I feel raped which leaves me emotionally crippled.

    Rori’s tools are a great help to get back to my own rules (getting back on my bridge) in a time when my mind is all upside down. Her tools work. But it is like anything in life. They work if you use them.

    I have been reading all sirens stories and observed all sirens steps. For which I thank you all. I learned a lot about why I feel raped although technically I was not, I thought I was starting a relationship.
    I said I was not ready, I never have sex before months of courtship. I never have “try out” sex. I said “no”, he insisted, then I let him have it his way.

    Of course he gave me the “too much work” speech afterwards.
    Reading this blog, it seems to be a pattern in nowadays men. Like if they expect us to give our body 3 weeks to a month before we are abandoned for foot ball evenings. They call it too much work, not enough time or lack of connection. Whatever, they knew their schedule before they had sex with us. They knew they were not connected before sex. Sex amplifies the good feelings and does not help the bad feelings. They know all about it. Sex does not change the quality of the feelings, it changes the intensity.

    I feel they are lying, they know what they are doing, they are abusing us.

    Thanks to reading the blog, I start to feel the strength to put the feeling aside, and pass my way. It is there, no need to deny or burry, but no need to carry it on my shoulder either. I may walk away from it, I may come back to it sometimes or I may totally forget, I am free , I will see, time will say.

    I learned to take the power back and stop feeling a victim of that man. I know he did wrong but I worked on why I reacted the way I did rather than why he did that to me. Me being smart, why did I allow myself to even meet such a man?
    Rori’s tools drove me to the answer.

    Rori’s tools are a journey to meet myself. It works. It might make ME the person who inspires respect and thus who will attract love at last.

    Anyway, I am posting now to tell you this:
    ever since the beginning of Renée’s story with Blondie, she was out of the cdating spirit and he was abusing her. She gave before she received anything from him. She has been feeling lucky to have met him. It should be the way around.

    It is not my job to wonder if he meant to abuse her or if he was honestly selfish, not aware he was taking from her with no intention to give. It is not even my job to give him benefit of the doubt.
    As a siren, my job was to wonder about Renée’s choices, like if it was me.

    Renée did not apply Rori’s tools at all
    She gave in from the beginning. I could see myself 2 years ago.

    I wrote a post to her in two occasions, to warn her . But I felt shy and rude to mind her life. I deleted them. I did not know how to put it in such a way it would not sound like I mind her life instead of dealing with mine.

    Then I thought of writing my post 552 on the question thread.

    It was written out of despair for Renée, Honey, Ella, meemee, and so many lovely sirens. I would have to check all the blogs to pick up their names.

    Rori’s tools are not just about taking a cup of coffee with 3 men the same week.
    My heart bled for the lovely sirens who think sharing family events means commitment for a man, or sex means commitment, and who are manipulated from lover to sex budy. ( If she does not accept the crumbs, he says his work won’t let him develop any relationship etc… and he breaks up. Eventually he phones later just in case he could manipulate her into sex for another while, until the following break up etc…)

    Each of your stories took me back to my own with this man. I finally thought all I had to do was to write a reminder for myself with the main lines you all lovely sirens keep forgetting. The same lines I forgot under that man’s pression.
    This way, the post would apply to all.

    At the end of the day, the same night fall for all of us, and when dawn comes, there is nothing new under the sun.
    We all fall for the same trap and we all cry the same tears.

    Rori’s tools are magical but she can’t come out of Internet and hold our hand to make sure we apply them exactly the way she advices. We need to practice and learn. Don’t give up, you will understand at some stage.

    I don’t know if we’ll meet Mr right, but the tools will keep us from feeling abused over and over. It leads us to take the power back.
    Life with less fear.
    In short, freedom.
    It teaches to stay away from abusive men, to stop wasting time trying to convince them we are good. It teaches us to re-educate ourselves to become open to good men and to spot them among the ocean of abusers.

    But tools work only if we use them.
    And some tools need practice to master
    Hang on there, we can make it, all of us.


  119.  #119BarbinOz on October 8, 2010 at 7:10 am

    #116 LonePlum

    I hear you! I have copied and pasted that FANTASTIC post you wrote into my little RR file I think we ALL need to read and understand this at LEAST once per day………..AT LEAST……….

    And sorry for sounding negative earlier tonight I was just feeling SO BAD about Renee and Blondie…….GOD I wish we were there with Renee IRL and could give her the biggest hug………..

  120.  #120tinque on October 8, 2010 at 7:26 am

    Thank you Daria for the link.
    I posted my own take on FE the other day if you or anyone else is interested.

  121.  #121tinque on October 8, 2010 at 7:31 am

    “How do I let a man know I don’t have sex with a man until he’s gone down on me, without expecting sex? ”

    As for this Daria, this seems maybe a tall order and could be tricky to maneuver, but certainly not impossible. There are plenty of men that love, love, love to please their woman, get off on it big time.
    How about this:
    I love oral sex. It not only feels great, it also gives me a better sense of a man. I don’t feel comfortable having intercourse right away though.

    Does this feel right to you D?

  122.  #122Renee on October 8, 2010 at 8:06 am

    Loneplum — I feel hurt and judged that you state that I “gave” to Blondie from the beginning, when that was simply not the case. The first month we dated, I was dating many other men and it was HE who expressed how grateful he was to have met ME, whereas I was just lukewarm.

    And he gave to me all the time — he was more giving in bed than any man I’ve ever known and always jumping up to fetch me a drink or get me just any little thing he thought would make me happy. I did not give to him — he gave to me, and that’s one thing I was working on during our relationship…simply receiving all this attention and affection.

    And I don’t believe that anyone who dares jump off the CD bandwagon is doomed to failure — everyone in my immediate family is happily married, and they all did it the old-fashioned way and the majority of couples actually get married after having gone through the traditional stages of meeting, dating, becoming girlfriend/boyfriend and then getting engaged. Obviously, the whole rest of the non-cd’ing world can’t be wrong just because Rori says it’s so.

    Don’t get me wrong — I think continuing to CD throughout a relationship is a perfectly legitimate thing to do, but for me, personally, I need to have an exclusive relationship if sex is going to be part of it or I just don’t feel emotionally “safe”. Many women don’t feel that way, and I have no problem with that, but that’s just not the way I’m built. And, as Rori has mentioned, I’m not willing to wait until marriage before I become sexually involved with a man either…it’s too important a bonding tool in my opinion to wait (for me) until marriage and I almost married a man when I was young who was horrible in bed and I thank God every time I remember that relationship that I didn’t go through with it.

    I know we women are on here to receive support and help each other learn to use Rori’s tools to the best of our ability, but I refuse to be a “Rori-bot” and blindly follow every recommendation she has if it goes against my moral code, which having a sexual relationship that’s not exclusive does. If that doesn’t work for you — fine, but I don’t need your particular type of “support” if all you’re going to do is lambast me for doing what felt “right” to me at the time — especially when you have the details of the story wrong.

  123.  #123Amy F. on October 8, 2010 at 8:14 am

    Barb and Lizzie-
    The date I went on last night was great (the one that almost got cancelled because he wanted to go to the baseball game) and Lizzie this is the man who responded to the profile you wrote for me.
    He’s the most masculine man I’ve ever dated. Really masculine men have always triggered me (abusive dad), so I steered clear of them until I got well.

    I felt scared on this date (never, ever been scared on a date before), but tried to remain open and unzippered my heart. The man just melted. I never call or email after a date to say thanks – meaning I don’t initiate. I have been tempted to do so – I’m not sure why. I am going to face the compulsion to inititate contact so the urge goes away. He’s away for about a week and I’m glad. It slows things down naturally.

    I do know my pattern is to get hooked into one man too soon, so I’m going to continue CDing. There are a few men I owe emails to, so I’m going to answer them today. Also going to treat myself well and go to my favoirte museum and get my nails done. When I feel the vibe moving toward him, I’ll get busy dating myself or someone else.
    Thanks eveyone!

  124.  #124Katarina Phang on October 8, 2010 at 8:23 am

    Tinque, I’m still reading your fascinating article on FE. There’s so much to process and thanks for taking the time to write it.

    I can perhaps apply it on my next visit to Seattle next week. Yipppeeee… 😀

  125.  #125Renee on October 8, 2010 at 8:25 am

    To all the lovely ladies who have provided supreme support and hugs to me — Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    I am feeling so much better today, I can’t even explain it. One of the things that I believe has helped me is that just yesterday, I was feeling the need to really started taking care of myself and took all the herbal/vitamin supplements I used to take but for some reason stopped taking a while back. One of them is a mood support supplement containing St. John’s Wort and 5HTP and I can’t tell you how much this has helped my mood!

    In looking back over my time with Blondie, I see how the depression that I am prone to impeded my time with him (it affected my enthusiasm level) and I think, in all honesty, that’s what he was reacting to. I have had my ups and downs with depression over the years, and this summer was a particularly “down” period for me and I’ve realized that, not coincidentally, this is also a period where I stopped taking all my supplements, stopped using my lightbox and was rarely going to the gym.

    I guess the main point is, with the help of your kind words (and virtual hugs) and my supplements, I’m actually feeling better and more hopeful than I could have imagine last night. I’m still stinging a little from the break-up, but I don’t regret giving it an honest chance and I think the take-away for me was that I needed to take better care of myself in the first place to truly have what I want in life, if that makes sense.

    I may still have a mini-breakdown today, and if I do, I’ll let it flow, but for right now, I’m off to take care of me by going to the gym!

  126.  #126Turtle Girl on October 8, 2010 at 8:48 am

    Good for you Renee-
    All of us sometimes stop doing what helps us, we fall out of the habit, get lazy, whatever. The best brand of 5-HTP bar none is Natures Way. White bottle, green leaf at the top. 50mg. 90 count. About 20 dollars. I did independent research on this and this one really works well.
    It has been a real depression stopper for me and many of my friends. Great stuff! Also I don’t know where you live but 2000 iu of Vitimin D-3 a day knocks it out too. Especially in the winter months when sunlight is sparse.Just some more tools for your toolbox darlin’
    Hope you are feeling better! xxoo

  127.  #127tinque on October 8, 2010 at 8:50 am

    Thank you Katarina. Please let me know how this works for you. I’m still experimenting.

  128.  #128retailtherapycathy on October 8, 2010 at 9:26 am

    Renee – I see great strength and bravery in you. I am sorry that the relationship with Blondie didnt work but I know you will see the learning point once the yearning has gone. I am just getting into CDing after 10 years of no men and I feel scared. I understand that to love you sometimes have to loose and I dont know whether I can be so brave.
    I have two afternoon dates with men from online dating this weekend and a salsa party to date myself in between! I feel nervous and excited. Web man admits to spending his “mispent youth” working and studying whilst BMW man is an enigma – talks about feeling positive but not about his life…
    I have been practicing RR tools in everyday life but I sometimes find it difficult to make my feeling messages sound natural and normal. You Sirens are so helpful and I learn so much from all of you.
    Will post once I have finished my CD’s – it’s a bit like having an extra best friend being on here (but one that is super wise about love and dating)!

  129.  #129Daria on October 8, 2010 at 10:15 am

    Turtle girl – amazing that I actually felt inspired to buy a bottle of 5 htp last year, without even knowing what it’s for. So now I have some, yes I think the natures way one!

    How much do I take, and how? Spaced out in the day, or just the morning?

  130.  #130Daria on October 8, 2010 at 10:17 am

    Omg ! Yay Renee! What an awesome turn for the better this has taken! Amazing! Way to go!

  131.  #131Renee on October 8, 2010 at 10:20 am

    Thanks, TurtleGirl, for the tips. One of the supplements I stopped taking (but resumed yesterday) was 5,000 IU of vitamin D. I tried supplementing just with the vitamin D for a while and didn’t really see any effect on my mood, but it’s possible that the D needed other nutrients I was lacking in to help me.

    After a night to sleep on it, I still feel like I have whiplash after all the future-talking that Blondie did with me, but I have to accept what is. I really feel, though, that the depression was the over-riding factor in his feeling that something was “missing”…I don’t want to place blame on myself, but it would be silly to think that, after being in a fairly dark place for the past several months, that this would go unnoticed by him, even though having him there with me, often catering to my every whim, always put me in a good mood. But I think my baseline mood was too low to begin with, which meant there was only so much his presence was going to help, you know?

    Today, though, despite having moments of sadness and mourning for all the plans we made for this fall, I feel far more hopeful about maybe actually beating this depression after all and that will mean enjoying all of my life more, including Mr. Right when he does come around. Isn’t it odd that it took a relationship with a man to inspire me to begin taking care of myself again?

    If I can keep my baseline mood elevated as it is today and continue amping up things with work, I’ll be in a far better position to get involved in a relationship very soon, and I feel hopeful about that too.

  132.  #132Renee on October 8, 2010 at 10:22 am

    RetailTherapyCathy — Thank you for your kind words. I’m very interested in knowing how things go with your upcoming cd’s.

    I am curious, though, how you could go 10 years with no men? Was that on purpose?

  133.  #133Daria on October 8, 2010 at 10:24 am

    Tinque – thank you. It may be a tall order , but it was simply the way my sex life progressed as a rule. And it was one of my boundaries around sex as a young girl, and served me fabulously. I couldn’t recommend it more and def would encourage any woman to adopt it.

    The issues came up when, due to a certain few men, I began to think of it as a tall order too and let my boundary lapse… Only to find myself insecure disconnected and unaatisfied with sex.

    No more, and clarifying for me… This is not a tall order… It’s a lovely opportunity for a man

    Ps- thank you so much for the message you wrote… A totally diff approach them I had been pondering ( and mine sounded kinda heavy and controlling )

    Just the help I needed! I will be tweaking your words to fit my sex speak style, but the format is perfect.

  134.  #134Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 10:28 am

    Renee: Yeah for noticing how you were/are feeling! So maybe take a look at that? Why did you stop doing those things when you were dating Blondie? And I say so what if you have depression cycles. The goal then would be to have a man who can handle that facet of you. Everybody goes through that stuff. I know I do. I’m a hormonal monster right now. Any guy who wants to be with me is going to love that side of me. He’s going to love that I want space at certain times.

    Right now I’m sensing you blaming yourself (your lack of enthusiasm) for him pulling back. I don’t want you to do that. He pulled back. Anything could be going on with him right now. Do you see what I mean?

    Mr. Fab Kisser pulled back (more like dropped off the face of the planet) after what… gosh… 9 months? And I’m okay. Yes I feel sad not talking to him but I’m not dead. Pretty much everything with me is okay. I didn’t get sucked in the devastation like I would normally do. We didn’t “break up” because I’m not forcing the issue. He’s pulling back and I’m letting him. No closure. No need to KNOW are we in a relationship or not. He just pulled back. Ok cool. So what. He’ll be back. In some way, I know he’ll be back. So what.

    I’m really getting this now. Apologizes to Renee for harping on you right now and picking apart some of your posts. Just working through this myself.

    I feel good. Ok. Ciao.

  135.  #135tinque on October 8, 2010 at 10:29 am

    Yay Daria. I’m so happy to be of help. And to clarify, there’s nothing wrong with “tall order” just like being high maintenance is not a “bad” thing. Both are awesome and goddessy.
    I can’t wait to see my words in Daria speak.

  136.  #136Turtle Girl on October 8, 2010 at 10:31 am


    Whenever I was feeling “funky” I started on the 5-HTP. I would take two in the morning and maybe another one at night (they are great for helping you sleep)
    I did this for a while. Then my body naturally told me I had my “fill” so to speak and without really thinking about it, I just took them less and less and then stopped. One day I realized-“wow I haven’t had any for a long time now-huh!”

    We get what we need and listen to our bodies. 5-htp has also been proved to help weight loss!! But I forget why.

    So give it a shot, might work for you! xxoo

  137.  #137Turtle Girl on October 8, 2010 at 10:34 am

    Oh and also-

    JYI to all. I know someone who was on a terrible anti depressant for years-Efexor-super hard to kick-horrible side effects-however they were determined to get off that cr*p. So they started a regimen of 5-HTP of 6-8 a day for months and after about two months the side effects lessoned and they are off the drugs. If fact they are off ALL drugs and feel fab-oo-lus!

    There is hope with natural ways of healing.xxoo

  138.  #138jacqueline on October 8, 2010 at 10:35 am

    Good afternoon, yall! @ Barb – yep, I told you about CL…10 out of 300 a day are for real. But they’re funny. A friend of mine had like a crisis when the tools didn’t work for her – it made her feel worse instead of better, more “proof” that she was a failure.

    However, I read all that Renee wrote – she seemed to have success with the tools – and HI, Renee!! glad you’re still standing. I don’t think EVERY Tool has to be used EVERY single time we have an interaction. That’s why there are a variety of them. You can’t use a hammer and a screwdriver at the SAME time…so pick a tool – pick whatever tool you like, and try that.

    It feels bad and wrong though to blame a complex interaction between two complex people on the failure of a tool.

    I so wish people could be more like Barb and say, hey, this tool didn’t work for me – and just get compassion or opinions or that’s cool, try this one. Not shut down or shouted out or – shudder-I told you so’d.

    And, to Mee Mee – I am so happy you find community here!! Yeah, and that this is the first place you think to share such success!

    That is really really a great accomplishment!


  139.  #139jacqueline on October 8, 2010 at 10:36 am

    Oh, and apologizing in advance to Barb if you didn’t want to be referenced…having flashbacks. smile…

  140.  #140Daria on October 8, 2010 at 10:37 am

    Renee – just to clarify, rori encourages sexual exclusivity – agreed and talked with a man – while continuing to cd.

    The only time there would not be sexual exclusivity is if the woman doesn’t want it.

    This is made somewhat clearer in Targeting Mr Right.

    Also I feel rather angry reading about Rori bots and such. I happen to think Rori’s advice is spot on, and dint feel like a Rori bot.

    That feels weird and like being blamed for agreeing with the advice of the coach whose page we’re on.

  141.  #141Daria on October 8, 2010 at 10:38 am

    And another thing, not for Renee in particular. My idea is that the traditional way of dating was much more cd than not. Women were certainly courted by the man, and tho one may have been their favorite, there were other men trying to get their attention.

  142.  #142jacqueline on October 8, 2010 at 10:38 am

    And I hope everyone checks out the woman on my blog today – she’s one of those people who are living amazing lives doing what they love; she must have figured out the key to what Daria posted about – find your passion, live your passion, etc!

    And she writes in PINK!!! Love it…!

  143.  #143jacqueline on October 8, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Whether or NOT it makes one angry it is a sentiment many women write to me, Daria. Again, do you really use every tool every minute of every day? And even if you do….that’s not in the instruction manual I got when I ordered my program.

    Doesn’t the concept of baby steps imply that we use as much of a tool as we can, or the one tool at a time as they’re useful?

    As I know you won’t agree, I’ll answer for me! YES, it does, and yes, you can!!

    You can even love Rori, thinks she’s brilliant and still pick and choose your tools from her. That’s what I read.

    Happy day, all….

  144.  #144LonePlum on October 8, 2010 at 10:50 am

    I feel very sorry to have offended you. I would delete the post if I had the technical means.

    I am not going to explain it or elaborate as it would only sound to you I am insisting in saying you did wrong.
    That is not my feeling at all. I was not feeling judgemental of you. I was pointing out you did not use the tools. Which is true.
    But I am not saying you should. Using the tools is a freedom. You do or you don’t. It is not a judgement.

    I take back the expression “she gave in” and “he was abusing her” and any other you will point at. They do sound very aggressive, I feel stupid. And they sound judgemental when taken personally. I hope you will forgive me.
    And they are absolutely related to my own trigger.

    I was writing from the tool point of view. Not from the universe point of view. I was not saying your relationship was black or white, or anything . Defining your relationship or your actions was not my point.
    I was saying if you take this cube , it does not fit in this box. I am not saying the cube is good or not, just it does not belong to this box. What you were posting lately was not fitting with cdating. It is not about judging if your posts were right or wrong. It is about saying they don’t fit to the box. And this is not saying either you should fit the box.

    A siren was under the impression you applied the tool and yet you felt unhappy. I told her, no the tool were not used, they have nothing to do with Renée’s situation.

    I did not say you should have used, I said you did not use them. It is an cold observation, not a judgement.
    And of course, learning never implies having to apply. You take what fits and you leave what does not

    Would you accept to read my post as a mirror of my own complexity rather than anything you did?
    Also I should have never spoken of “giving” or “taking” “abusing” without defining what that means in my world.
    Sorry about that.

    I feel very upset at myself for not thinking better. I should have thought that my post implied a further explanation and such explanation implies putting under the microscope your past posts about Blondie . Which is not even thinkable given the pain you are suffering..

    Just two words that won’t imply anything with you. No comparison, just my side ie cdating and sex

    I don’t believe in having sex with a man and meeting others for a coffee. Or if i still meet friends, they will be REAL friends, nothing to do with on line dating anymore.
    Once i will have sex , i will stop strangers, but then we will have spoken of marriage before we try sex. We will have been real lovers for a long time before sex. Lovers implying he already makes me his priority, no foot ball games before me, no making me go to his place so he can watch his televison programn be in his life and have sex at the same time, and all things men do.
    He will be my lover who drives to me, and plans week ends with me, not just when he has nothing else to do.
    We will be a couple who plan things together, not him letting me know i can visit him this week end. No. It will be me being part of actually planning our time together.

    It takes time to get to that point a man feels you as part of his schedule and lets you in his logistics. It also takes time to really know if the logistics are good, if the feelings are right when children are involved.

    I leave sex out. It allows me to be cool about it all. it helps a lot. I have no expectation.
    I believe when we are good in each other’s life, we’ll feel it, even without sex.
    Then, when we know we are tired to be lovers, and we are ready to share a house, we would speak marriage. That’s when I would have sex.
    If sex is good, as it should I am sure, I would stop dating one to one the others.

    I am the type of woman who match my ex dates with girl friends and invite everybody for dinner. lol
    There usually are not that many ex dates still around once we found love, as it takes very special vibes to become a real friend with no sexual attraction left at all.
    I can’t be sure. I am only starting back. But that’s the way I was when younger.

    So far, the novelty fades away after a few weeks of dating, we don’t really feel like talking to each other. The connection we thought there during the first weeks, was not real, it vanishes. The no sex situation allows me to smile and say good bye.
    If I had chosen sex within a month or even the first trimester, I would feel bound to a man I can’t love. I would feel devastated.

    I think the more times goes by, the more our flaws are discovered by each other and if we are still dating , it might be that we are becoming truly found of each other. Hopefully by the time we become sexually involved the feelings are anchored and there to stay. Opposed to become emotionally bound through sex within the first month, then having to split because connection was just the novelty bon fire.

    My experience from 2 years ago taught me I suffer too much and i might want to hang on a toxic situation rather than cut the bounding. I discovered i feel emotionally bound through sex, although the man is not sharing more than a few week ends with me. It was very difficult for me.

    I am trying to avoid this Toxic situation. I am afraid to feel bound and in love to a man I can’t admire or a man who does not love me.
    I am aware that what i would call toxic might be good to others.

    I know there is an end to everything.
    Either love stops and both split separate ways, or one of the two dies.
    Sooner or later.
    So I am not avoiding reality.
    although…. hmmm I’ll have to think about this too.
    Anyway what I mean is I can’t avoid the fact all love story has an end.
    But I can minimize the chances to be hurt over an over by having sex over and over with men who “thought” we were connected and then vanish.

    I’ve been through it 2 years ago and I am still upset.
    I don’t want to waste more years mourning the next man who will “try me out”

    When I have sex, I feel I am giving myself, I feel a gift, I belong to the man. And as much as I fight it, I do feel expectations when sex is involved.

  145.  #145Daria on October 8, 2010 at 10:56 am

    unfortunately ( or maybe fortunately ) exclusivity without commitment for ever… Like marriage puts the man in this position:

    Ok, now this woman is dating only me…

    That means at some point, we’re either going to break up, or get married.

    Oh crap… That means if I’m not ready to marry her , were gonna break up!!

    But I’m not ready to marry her! I just met her, and we havent talked seriously about getting married, I mean whoa! Marriage is a big step!

    So what do I do ! Crap! I’m not ready at this point to marry her, but then why are we together?

    Hmmm… Maybe I’ll just: a) break up with her now, because I’m not sure I want to marry her yet and dont want to lead her on like an asshole (blondies choice)

    B). “see how it goes”. ( and kinda lead her on ) till I know for sure I wanna marry her, but who cares about marriage anyway , I mean were already together so it’s justice being married, but of course I don’t know right now if I want to marry her, heck I don’t even know if I ever want to get married, I mean this situation is just fine… I can totally rax with this

    C). Wow I am so in love with this girl and she must be with me! I a
    Ready to get married Right now, but will just wait to get a ring and find the right time to propose and make sure she feels comfortable.

    Now this may be going on somewhat subconsciously.

    But situation c, is gonna happen even while cd ing. It’s not about exclusivity it’s about the man being ready to marry and basically easing the woman into it (yum)

    Most likely though, men will be in a situation b.

    Because marriage is a big step , a d they may not be sure right away… Etc

    How will they ever be sure when they can be unsure and benefit more, and hold on to their fears, while enjoying commitment?

  146.  #146jacqueline on October 8, 2010 at 11:04 am

    And you know thinking about the whole contextual “box” and the theory posited that you must use every tool in every situation?

    Circular dating would NOT have stopped this guy from doing what he did. Maybe it would have made Renee feel better? But no one’s said that – they said oh, well you didn’t cd, that’s the problem.

    WTH??? You could be CDng the whole world and some guy (who I think was kind of an awful man because he played mind games and maniuplation tools…) BUT he could be the most fabulous man in the world! And he could still break up with you.

    OR you could quit CD’ng and marry him, and then he could be this awful man – and divorce you.

    NONE of the tools can guarantee anything. Except, maybe, they will give you back a bit of your personal power you might have given away and/or they will make you feel better – move you to a happier place.

    The simple fact that I write here is proof enough for me that I like what Rori teaches and says. The fact that there can never be discussion about her teachings? or honest feedback about it?

    Wow, that FEELS wrong and bad and very very annoying.

  147.  #147Senior Lady Vibe on October 8, 2010 at 11:17 am

    Saddle up! Feel the power!

    For last couple days I’ve been resonating my vibe with a rock standard featured in the Jack Nicholson/Morgan Freeman film “The Bucket List” (the race car scene!)

    I found the music in this fun video. The lyrics are CDing friendly in a “goose-gander” sort of way. The visuals have helped me decrease my cupcake consumption. 😀

    Tush – ZZ Top (music video 2:16)


  148.  #148Brenda on October 8, 2010 at 11:26 am

    I’m having a busy day and on my way to my domestic violence shelter interview! I read most of this but I just can’t keep up with you all! Have a terrific weekend!

  149.  #149Turtle Girl on October 8, 2010 at 11:36 am

    Oh SLV! Funny video-thanx!!!
    I love ZZ top.

  150.  #150Turtle Girl on October 8, 2010 at 11:37 am

    Daria-@144-right on the money–that’s how it always is! Unless you are truly “just friends”.

  151.  #151Daria on October 8, 2010 at 11:42 am

    Lol jaqueline why are you asking me questions to which ” you know I won’t agree”. Can I be part of the conversation with me? Lol

    I think we should use as many tools as we can as often as we can , because they will make us feel good!

    And some tools , like circular dating and feeling messages, are mire crucial than others ( because they’re really a whole bundle of tools and the “bridge” to happy ever after is built on them.

    I think it’s in a woman’s best interest to not be exclusive with a man, until that exclusivity is forever.

    I think that it’s possible to open my heart to all men, and to the world, and let my husband come and claim me.

    I think that unless my goal was “to have a boyfriend for now”, exclusivity with one man will block men trying to be my husband from me.

    I think the man who wants me will have no trouble booking up my time and crowding the other men out… And will basically be my boyfriend, but he will be working for it, because he’s the one man who most wants to be with me.

    Anyways feel free to use only the tools you like, and I encourage everyone to consider the tools that trigger them , and maybe experiment with them, with the intent to learn .., “what is In this tool?” what is the hidden gem in here?

    The tools I most resisted were – not driving to men, nit calling men, nit hanging out where I would surely run into ex, not paying on dates, not calling men back when I was angry,
    Not “helping”, being open to different types of men that didn’t turn me on all the way, saying I feel angry out loud, not considering men’s feelings but sharing mine, not convincing, not going boy mode with the stories and energy

    I know there were lots and lots of things I resisted that literally changed my life from hopeless to powerful once I
    sought to understand and experiment.

    I feel tense and like I’m explaining and defending, and I don’t want that, I’d rather go to something that feels good and helpful to me.

    Ohhh wait I was going to talk about how I was and am such a loyal woman and prided myself on that. Indeed. My loyalty goes to me now, and my loyalty to a man will go to my husband – credit dorothea for that concept.

    I feel so good and secure to know my loyalty is so strong and that I am thus able to nurture and grow myself and my relationship with it.

    Well, many tools I have not just understood but felt on my own skin, because you have sometimes seen me hurting from… Oh no I drove to him… And … I called my ex to hang out and he threw me against the car and slept with my friend…, and. 19 didnt offer to give me gas money, … And, dman slept with me without kissing me… ANd etc

    I am still babystepping, and I am always using all the tools I can think of to make me happy.

    For more about how to get to commitment, there’s Rori’s commitment blueprint – I think I’ll review it.

    For how circular dating works, there’s Targeting Mr Right.

    So yes , I am a happy amazing rori bot… But I prefer to be called a siren using Rori’s tools with intent to learn.

    I do not like being called a rori bot, or have it implied about us women here – because there is wisdom in the tools that I’ve gotten and felt, and so I choose to use them

    The wisdom is there, there is always a message

    ( says preachy Daria lol)

    I wonder what my message is?

    Perhaps that, unlike at first when I felt awkward about learning about love communications and relationships from an Internet site, I now feel graceful, powerful, and open about it? And about me?

    I did this, rori tools or not, it was me who opened , braved, tried, even broke my heart a few times, changed my inner workings of myself to be self posessed powerful, owning of my flaws and my perfections, ever more compassionate of myself

    To be ok no matter what

    I did this

  152.  #152jacqueline on October 8, 2010 at 11:50 am

    Daria – love the post; and who called you a Rori bot? not me, please notice.

    @ Brenda! Good luck!!!! yeah!

    Yall have a good one, gotta go move my booty….


  153.  #153Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 11:53 am

    I hear Sirens defending their right to be just as they are. I applaud that! I don’t believe we have to use the tools all the time or we’ve failed. I haven’t read that anywhere or in anyone else’s posts. Are we encouraged to use the tools Rori provides? Yes, but that’s kind of why I’m here. I feel confused reading this repeated message about using or not using Rori’s tools being equated with failure. Message: I’m not a failure no matter what I do. Take that limiting belief monster. 🙂

    The self discovery I’ve done through Rori’s work is not at all about “dating” for me anymore. I came here as a result of heartbreak but have gained so much more than learning about relationships. I’ve discovered how to interact with the world (men and women) in a feminine way. I’ve learned to ground myself into how I (as a girl) am feeling at that moment and then expressing it to myself or with whomever is with me. I don’t get the reference to “tools”, who is using this one tool or that other tool. Every tool is about getting in touch with how I feel and expressing it. I don’t need a tool to be real. It’s all within me anyway.

    I can do as I please. Use Rori’s tools or make up my own. Simply be a girl. Whatever that means to each girl. I don’t see anyone saying any different.

    I would love for every woman to rewire their brains back to feminine. This is so lost in our society. So many people thinking, thinking, thinking about things that aren’t even happening. Guessing what he’s doing, what she’s doing, what’s gonna happen tomorrow. Instead of BEING who we are right this second.

    I am a girl. The weather outside feels amazing. The sun on my skin feels warm and delicious. A boy just invited me out to dinner, and I feel open to going. Sigh. I feel excited. Who knows what the weekend will bring. I feel relaxed.


  154.  #154Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 11:54 am

    Yeah Daria! I’ll celebrate with you! Me too, me too!

    Praying for you Brenda! Good luck!

  155.  #155Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    Oh and Jacqueline, I feel charmed when you write Sirens who haven’t posted in awhile or refer to a story from way back when. You have an amazing memory (something I am just learning to harness). I do… I feel charmed and smiley when you do that, like “oh yeah, I wonder how XYZ is now, thank you reminding me!” Memory like that would definitely come in handy. And how special it must feel to be remembered like that.

  156.  #156Lizzie on October 8, 2010 at 12:25 pm

    I am off on a DATE! yes ME!! this is a new guy from POF…we shall see….I believe I will be able to practice leaning back tools with him – it is an incredibly beautiful day ehre so we will be outside at a little pub, having a beer.

  157.  #157Renee on October 8, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    Daria — I am opting not to engage with you because I don’t feel like arguing with you. At no no time did I ever refer to you personally as a Ror-bot, so if you opted to take on that moniker, that’s on you.

  158.  #158Lizzie on October 8, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    yeah, what blondie did, in how he treated Renee is really disrespectful. Dumping her on the phone – wow what cowardly behaviour.

    it seems to me, that the tools have helped me get back in balance a tad faster than when I was dealing with the profound hurt of rejection all by myself. I don’t generally feel that the tools would prevent anything from happening or assure I was getting involved with “the one”. I get the feeling I will do better and have a healthier relationship though.

    OK! I am Off to my DATE!!! La di da!! I shall check in later and report on how I managed to stay girlie!!

  159.  #159Ella on October 8, 2010 at 12:57 pm


    Your post #117 triggered me.
    I feel a little cross.

    I feel uncomfortable with someone feeling dispair for me… I do not feel that I need that.

    I feel appreciative of your advise and your well meaning, and the post that you wrote before was truly amazing. Like I said those words had great meaning for me and I will read it again and again.

    However there is no need for you to feel dispair for me. I am on an exciting journey. I am learning amazing stuff and gaining tools that are helping me. I am also getting a strength and peace I did not have before. Even if I sometimes get caught up on this guy or that guy I am aware what is happening, and I am also aware it is old stuff. The focus is on me.

    What you are seeing here is the process. I am opening my heart. I am not perfect and what comes out is a mish mash of emotions which I must work through, not a perfect Cd-er (yet). Of course I will make mistakes and you may my old habits being thrashed out. That fact that you see them here means that I am no longer playing them out in my life in the way I used to. So please do not feel dispair for me. Or any of the siren’s.

    As you said, you were there once.

    Rori says to feel all our feelings. We are all finding our path. We may fall off the horse many times yet however have faith that we are all riding onwards, following our paths.

    I feel as though I want to soothe you! Lol.

  160.  #160Daria on October 8, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    Renee – thats cool, the Rori-bot reference triggered me… to me it was a put down of someone who faithfully uses any and all Rori tools – that would be me!

    (and this is my trigger and has come up before for me )

    i guess i feel insecure that i may be challenged on why i think she is so intuitive on everything, and i mean like, everything i’ve read from her so far

    can’t really think of something that i haven’t discovered mega wisdom in

    i guess it makes me feel a little worried that i will be misled – tho that hasn’t hapened – rassuring myself that i am on My path, not a “losing myself to fawning over Rori and putting her as my guru” path

    I also don’t want to argue with you! I feel happy you are doing well… and no i don’t think its that surprising that this situation has inspired you to take better care of youself… i’ve experienced that too

  161.  #161Nikita on October 8, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    I see masculine tools and feminine tools like orgasms….
    And a man can have one orgasm….one tool….hammer or screwdriver……a woman can have many tools 🙂 multiple orgasms 🙂 cd, feeling message, paint some love, water wheel it….while riding a horse over the bridge that she built….and if I’m not feeling the party me and my horse can walk away…..and vampire scream…on the bridge…on the horse…water wheeling the whole way 🙂

    Aww…poor hammer….all it gets is a nail 😉

  162.  #162Daria on October 8, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    Loneplum – and i want to say, i feel awful to see you so apologetic about your words… one of the first key things i learned on the blog is to own my words, even if the triigered others, or me, even if theyre not perfect… love your voice, and it will get clearer and more what of you want will start to be heard… naturally

    wow! this is great for me too!

    I bless my voice!

  163.  #163Nikita on October 8, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    I felt a little miffed by the rori bot comment….like step ford wifey…..because I wear dresses and heels while I’m baking….and so I must not be happy because I blindly follow rules to seek approval from rule makers….. I don’t think I took it personal but I noticed it….and my reaction was kind of…hey! You’re here too! I like it here! I come here to speak rori bot language and share rori bot tools and beauty tips….I get here in my rori bot transportation and I wear all the rori bot colors….won’t you be a rori bot too? Lol….i feel almost proud of my “botness”. But I realize it was probably said flippantly out of anger or defensiveness….pain….we have all lashed out at one time ….. I am interested in comparing notes and analyzing what happened but I feel a little trapped into keeping my mouth shut because the wound is fresh….hindsight is 20/20 and I feel ready to start looking at the play by play….I feel impatient tip toeing around the dead elephant.

  164.  #164Siena on October 8, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    Hi Sirens!

    How’s this for being surprised!?

    Recently, I had to move, and was stressing about it. I used my wonder tool, “I wonder who is going to help me move!?” and then waited for an answer.

    Meantime, an old friend of mine wanted to set me up on a date with someone she’s known since childhood. When he called me to ask me out, I told him I was moving and although it would feel good to meet him,it would have to be in a couple of weeks when I was more settled.

    He offered to move me, and I threw away all my “rules” about what a first date should be and said yes! (This is a HUGE departure from who I was many months ago when I first found Rori. Allowing a man to serve me in this way would have totally embarrassed me before.)

    So he showed up, and lugged ALL my stuff – and was all muscly and capable – and it was one of the most extraordinary first dates I’ve ever had!

    Last night, he said that he think he was granted a miracle in meeting me, because he can’t believe that a woman like me exists (this is after we’ve spent several hours talking for the past week).

    Yesterday, before talking to him, I was praying for a miracle – not even in relation to him (synchronicity!?)

    Now, I know to go slowly and to continue to CD, but it really feels good to be taken care of and have him think he’s the luckiest guy on earth. He’s already invited me to his company Christmas party (LOL).

    I’m still deciding how I feel about him… but it’s just a happy date story, and I thought I’d share.

    I feel grateful that being on Siren Island has encouraged me to remain open, put away my expectations, and be surprised.

    xo Siena

  165.  #165jacqueline on October 8, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    Wow, Ella – that was insightful. I love it when I hear and feel complete expression here. I feel like Rori loves ME – and who knows, she’s busy, she has a life, she has a teenager…Rori just radiates love to me. So, I listen carefully to her. But I also listen to you all – and that is fascinating; maybe even more so!

    So, I love the idea of soothe – my and my best friend have a real trigger around those words – she told me something once about soothing my soul, and I was like WTH WHO says I want to soothe myself? It could very well prevent growth! and I want to be HAPPY, sc**w soothing as second best. lol… I would love to hear more about soothing – we were just still arguing about it a week ago. I think it’s something women who’ve had children learn, teach and speak about? Because it was very foreign to me.

    Loneplum you are a truly great writer – and now you know how what you write can impact and/or trigger others – good to know, yes? Rori says there are no mistakes, basically. So we’re not dissing on YOU if we are talking about what you said – it’s different, I hope you get that distinction.

    And Shannon! Thank you so much – yes I hate not knowing how things turn out, or when someone’s hurting and they’re overlooked or fade away – so in a way that’s a real endorsement of Rori, too. Like I want everyone who comes here to find so much LOVE they get community, belonging, support,etc!

    You have grown a lot to me – and I love your words! Thank you thank you thank you – because I went out and walked and when I walk it’s along a coastline and I’m the Happiest Girl in the Whole USA!!! Loving it, and you’re right – I am blessed with a near photogenic memory and it is very cool to have it. I often forget I do. SMILES and big hugs…

    Happy Friday to All!!!

    oooh, Lizzie!!! OMGOSH A DATE? I so hope we get a full report and I bet it will rock!!!

    & Hugs to you, Renee!

  166.  #166Daria on October 8, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    I am learning about bankruptcy and I feel so excited!

    I mean, I have no income, no assets… there’s nothing that can go wrong! yayyy nothing to worry about! acuna matata


    on top of this, I have an opportunity to move to Toronto with a man,

    or i will find myself a place to live, I’m sure of it!

    and it will be on my credit report for 7 years… that is NOT that long ! i will be 35… just the right time for me to start wondering about using my credit power

    i feel so excited!

    and a lil worried becuase my mom gets so scared!

    and i felt so angry that she was going thru my financial mail again, and asking me questions about it… even though i told her ive decided to handle all this myself

    after i felt betrayed by my dad a couple days ago

    when he had offered to help me himself, yet turned around and told me he wishes i would stop asking for help, and instead just say thank you when he gives it to me

    i feel really unseen by these people! – my parents

    I SO don’t ask for help

    i didnt even ask him for money for Vegetables!

    i mean im really really careful about this, because i feel kinda sad and guilty that I haven’t been financially successful up to this point, and my dad seems so concerned and stressed about money

    and also i felt betrayed!


    i feel so glad that i feel so open to this bankruptcy thing… i can’t believe it

    it used to seem like a tragedy!

    now it seems like ease and freedom

    im gonna look into free legal help sessions in my area so i can take in my forms and discuss them with lawyers

  167.  #167Daria on October 8, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    Nikita – owning the Rori-bot? awesome! Rori-bot power it is then!!

    Rori = bot Goddess to the RESCUE!!! oF HER~!!

  168.  #168Daria on October 8, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    htat is so sexy/.. i intend to practice wearing dresses and heels while baking…

    i like the barefoot , sexy house dress look by the stove… too

  169.  #169Daria on October 8, 2010 at 1:27 pm


    thank you for that tool!!

    I wonder how this is going to feel happy for my family !

    I wonder who is going to help me with this so that it can feel fun and easy!

    woo hooo!

  170.  #170Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    The apron and socks works well for baking. I highly recommend it. Nothing else. Just those socks and an apron. Hehe!

    I own my bot-ness. Work it girl.

  171.  #171Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    Feelin’ a little fear creep up that Renee will be triggered by all this “bot” talk. We’re here for you Renee! I cannot wait for you to have your date with The Doc. Yeah!

  172.  #172retailtherapycathy on October 8, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    I am so looking forward to my dates with web man and BMW man it will be so exciting to actually have something to tell you guys with the CDing

    “I am curious, though, how you could go 10 years with no men? Was that on purpose?”

    Renee, why 10 years without men – i had a lightbulb moment (was it on purpose?) maybe it was! Oh!
    no one ever asked me out and I was so painfully shy that I never looked in a man’s eyes, never mind for 5 seconds, although I so wanted a realtionship, its only since finding RR and you guys on here that I have had the confidence to start again, enough is enough. I needed a kick up the bum!

  173.  #173Siena on October 8, 2010 at 1:36 pm


    “Would love for every woman to rewire their brains back to feminine. This is so lost in our society. So many people thinking, thinking, thinking about things that aren’t even happening. Guessing what he’s doing, what she’s doing, what’s gonna happen tomorrow. Instead of BEING who we are right this second.”

    YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  174.  #174Siena on October 8, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    Daria, I SO need to catch up – you might move to Toronto with a MAN!? I want to read about it!! What post!?

  175.  #175Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    I am so trying the “I wonder” tool.

    Hmmm… I wonder who will invite me out for dinner tonight. I feel kind of hungry. Hmmm… I wonder…

  176.  #176Nikita on October 8, 2010 at 1:47 pm


    Wow 🙂
    This proves to me that men like to work for it 😉

  177.  #177Daria on October 8, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    Siena – I haven’t really written much about it, except taht I’m invited, whenever I’m ready just say so and he will buy the ticket right then and there!

    ps i know him already

  178.  #178Siena on October 8, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    hehe SS – Be Surprised!! If you trust you will be answered, you will! Better figure out what you’re going to wear!

    BTW – I saw what you wrote about Fab Kisser going AWOL. #1CD did the exact same thing to me.

    It’s taken me a while to get over it, and I’m still not sure I’m over it 100%. But then I remember, it’s just part of my life story.

    …and besides, if #1CD was around, I certainly wouldn’t have allowed Mover Man to lug all my stuff!

    All things work together for the good. 🙂

  179.  #179jacqueline on October 8, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    RT Cathy – wow! I’m so glad you’re here and baby stepping.

    I am going to write a blog post on this for monday – communication. Leaning back/leaning forward. Relationships. Tying it all into getting what I want.

    For 3 weeks I’ve been trying to get an eye ointment refilled and Walmart just kept telling me the dr. is not answering us – then I call and the guy snarks well you haven’t been here since Feb. and I say yes, and if the answer on the refill is no, I’ll be happy to come in. However I’ve been a patient for 12 years, so could you ASK THE DR?? lol…and then I get a call saying oh he says okay.

    And Dr. Paul – kind of the same story; when I clearly communicated who I was and what I wanted? Breakthrough!! amazing meeting of minds – but you know it was like a dozen emails and three phone calls before he “got me” in less than 3 minutes and was the coolest guy ever.

    If I leaned back in life; I believe I would never get what I want.

    Leaning back is a great tool for a man to step up and chase you in a dating situation, it also makes it so much easier for us to put all the fear of rejection off the table in that situation.

    BUT, I find clear communication – about feelings, about ideas, about can I have this or what do I need to do to get it is the very BEST feeling I can have. I know what you want, I hear what you say I just GET you….and hey! I totally disagreee, and that’s fine. I will still want what I want or accept that I can’t. That’s the place I find magical for me. And I can only get there by 1. being ME and 2. getting clear communication. Okay….off with these ideas.


    ps Siena – love the date story. Daria I so disagree with you, but I don’t want to argue or debate so just going to wish you well about the bankruptcy thing. I will say for me it did NOT go away in 7 years – I get collection calls 20 YEARS later. and I’m afraid to say anything at all….so everyone! take what you like, and leave the rest.

  180.  #180Siena on October 8, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    Daria, what’s holding you back!?

    I remember a couple of months ago, you were talking about moving to Rio.

    Maybe this is the “ticket” you asked for all those months ago? (God gets to choose the ‘where’, we get the ‘what’).

    If nothing else, Toronto is a GORGEOUS city, and it would be so much fun to be in the great white north for the winter!! Think of the great clothes you could buy!!

  181.  #181Daria on October 8, 2010 at 1:55 pm


    i feel annoyed that i told my mom “i dont want to be abused” referring to the way my dad was speaking to me,

    and she said

    “thats cool, you will go somewhere else, where someone else will really abuse you, like they did before”


    i said “um not really, people don’t actually tend to abuse me”

    how annoying this convo comes up

    i get a lil trigger of fear

    like oh no shes gonna speak this into existence!

    and my dad talking about people kicking me like a dog!

    but NOT!



    thank you!!!

    you may now help me in a way that makes me feel encouraged, supported, believed in, and LOVED!!

    thank you!

  182.  #182Siena on October 8, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    blech Daria, that feels awful what your mom said!

    She’s speaking about herself -not you at all.


  183.  #183Daria on October 8, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    Jaqueline – Drat, (about the bankruptcy)

    well i wonder why mine will be easy and empowering then?

    anyway i feel absolutely giddy excited about it, that is a good sign from Goddess Daria

    i also don’t have “that” much debt, no assets to lose or put up, and no income to pay the debt

    soooo… (it’s gonna be Great!)

    not to mention, who’s gonna call me where?


  184.  #184Renee on October 8, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    The point of my earlier post that mentioned the “Rori-bots” was not meant to slam Rori in anyway — I think she’s doing her best to impart her wisdom to us and is a genuinely caring woman. The intent was to show that it’s ok to think for yourself and, once you know what the “rules” are , you get to decide for yourself whether to break them — you have to decide what’s best for YOU.

    Most of what Rori says resonates with me, but some of it doesn’t and when it doesn’t, I think about it for a while and if it feels wrong to me, then I don’t do it. Not asking men questions, for example. I agree, men should “lead” the conversation, but it’s just too self-centered for my liking to literally not ask the man a single question about himself, and I don’t actually think Rori meant “Absolutely No Questions!” when talking with men…more like you shouldn’t have to lead the conversation or push to fill all the silences.

    In any event, if you want to call yourself a “Rori-bot”, that doesn’t trigger me, but I will continue to question anything that doesn’t “feel” right to me and I don’t want to have someone point their finger at me and say, “There — see? You failed because you didn’t follow all of Rori’s rules at all times!”, especially when there’s a fresh wound to rub the salt in. Rori doesn’t refuse to give help to people who are in exclusive dating relationships — she embraces them and tries to guide them as well, even if that’s not the situation she believes is best. But as I said, there are tons of people out there who HAVE managed to date exclusively, fall in love and get married, without the help of cd’ing…

  185.  #185Daria on October 8, 2010 at 2:00 pm

    Siena – I KNOW! and I CAN FEEL My power now!


    and also i don’t want to be abused, really


    i will move, even to a shelter – i know one in a nearby city that i think has a transfer program

    this used to feel terrifyingly paralizying to me

    and now it seems like summer fun! we’re having an indian summer day here

    I guess its cuz over the summer i’ve “incomed” almost no cash, yet all my needs were magically taken care of, by men, mostly


    yes, tacos, weed, and gas


    i am easy to please, easy to take care of,
    i can DO this!

  186.  #186Daria on October 8, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    i don’t even have my license (in california at least)!

    i feel so powerful and free right now!

  187.  #187Daria on October 8, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    Siena – and here i was Concerned! about the winter! indeed the GREAT WHITE WINTER FUN!!!

    and yes Rio is coming, its coming babyyyy

  188.  #188Siena on October 8, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    Daria, hot chocolate and warm fires… it could be sooo romantic!

    We’re having a beautiful summer day down here too, it feels wonderful!

    I’m feeling really good today about how I handled #1CD’s AWOL… I did absolutely nothing to try to keep him.

    Instead, I chose myself, my dreams, and my happily ever after.

    Now, 2 months later, the feeling (um… more like an urge) to reach out to him has passed, and I feel powerful too!

    I feel like I FINALLY broke a pattern that I had ingrained in myself. And like I have finally demonstrated to myself (not just saying it) that I am READY for happily ever after and I CHOOSE it.

    ahhh, feels so good I might just treat myself to ice cream… or Starbucks!

  189.  #189Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    Siena: Me too, me too! I broke the pattern with Mr. Fab Kisser. I could have so easily forced him into “breaking up” with me. I see how I’ve done that in the past. You either love me or leave. Even just now was emailing back and forth with Mr. Masculine Man (he pops in and out at the most random of times). Same thing could have happened with him but I didn’t shut the door. Just let him come and go as he pleases. And he’ll be back too.

    Sigh. I really wonder who will be the one that I really really want to keep. So far I’m not feeling it like I expected. I want a guy who knocks my socks off. The one that intimates me just enough with his coolness and self worth. I’m ready for someone who is a reflection of where *I* am today. No more of this meek and mild and insecure stuff. (A reflection of what I once was.)

  190.  #190LonePlum on October 8, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    Daria 161

    Thank you 🙂

    I am not aware of how apologetic i sound. My intention was to be apologetic though, so all is good. But I hear what you say, tank you.
    Yes i have followed some wonderful transformation among you and others, where each own what they say and it is beautiful.

    All this started because i saw a comment saying something like “I don’t believe in rori’s tool any more because if such a good couple broke off then the tool don’t work”
    It seemed natural to say, “no, the tools were not involved in that story”
    I meant it as an info, no more.
    I don’t give a damn who use the tools or not, i was just being “exact” in the info

    And i did use the words “give in” which upset Renée so i own my apology as well lol
    She misread my post, yet the point is I could have been careful with my words and put it so that she would not feel upset . I did use “give in” which is a mean short cut for what i meant. Not nice at all. I know i did not mean wrong but i should have been aware and avoid such expression.

    And Ella i hear you too 🙂
    And i like that you want to sooth me, it feels nice

  191.  #191Nikita on October 8, 2010 at 2:44 pm


    mr.manly man????

  192.  #192Siena on October 8, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    SS, yay for you! I do the same thing (let him come and go as he pleases) with a couple of old boyfriends.

    I talked to one of them yesterday who told me again that he loved me. hmmmm.

    Thing is, I want #1CD to be SO MUCH BETTER A MAN than the others! I don’t like to think of him in the same way I think of the men I dated before.

    Because you desire it, it will come to you!

    What are you going to wear tonight to dinner with the person who has yet to present himself/herself!?

  193.  #193Daria on October 8, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    woo hoo Shannon and Siena!!

    Shannon I’ve noticed (and been a little triggered by) your taking the time to have compassion for the sirens in an argument…

    I realize that my voice says! hey!! why are you sticking up for her/them! didn’t you hear what she/them said to ME!!! who cares how she/they feel!!!

    and im realizing i get triggered to this place when i feel attacked…

    and I hadn’t even said I felt attackeD!

    instead i feel like oh ok cool, well i feel so distant from you now I’m shutting down on this front and not opening to closeness…

    NOT what i want in my relationships!!


    thank you for helping me see this pattern!

    I feel excited!

    i choose to heal this!!!

    thank you ANGELS FOR HELPING!!

  194.  #194Daria on October 8, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    LonePlum – actually, I don’t know yet how to word that…

    I started writing essentially the same thing, to point out about CD

    and then stopped… and felt discouraged, like Ragh I’m gonna Trigger people , and am I even helping?

    i don’t know?

    so i decided to instead let it be and figure it out by itself – Experiment

    and i feel glad you Did say something when I read it

    i feel confused on what words to use to be compassionate of all and yet a learning opportunity

    i was lost on what IIII would be learning, since I already knew this… so I let it be till it comes to me

    and now i’m learning! hehe… and interacting more

  195.  #195Renee on October 8, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    LonePlum — Thank you for your kind apology.

  196.  #196BarbinOz on October 8, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    #187 Siena to Daria

    ” hot chocolate and warm fires… it could be sooo romantic! ”

    And the winter wonderland of snow…..I LOVE snow…… could be walking through that powdery soft snow or when it’s a bit iced and it is all crunchy under your feet………..oh and the SILENCE when everything is blanketed and white and pure and crystal clear……oh Daria, just go!!

  197.  #197Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    Daria, I’ve actually been practicing not sticking up for you. 🙂 I feel a little weird saying that (you don’t need me to stick up for you). But I do want to defend you quite often (because we agree I suppose).

    I thought a few posts back that I wanted to say something to you directly. I actually wrote your name in several places when I was writing to Jacqueline and then deleted the references to you directly. It’s me learning to talk directly about my experience instead of making it be about two other people. Instead of putting words in your mouth about what I think you mean. I’d rather say what *I* mean. Kind of like not gossiping about someone.

    I even had the passing thought earlier that I wanted to thank you for your voice here and how I appreciate it so much. But then decided to experiment anyway without doing that because I know you are strong enough to defend yourself (when needed). And later I felt a little worried that you wouldn’t feel appreciated if I didn’t say anything to you.

    I find it very intriguing that you mentioned this. I felt it too!

  198.  #198Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 3:15 pm

    Nikita, yes, Mr. Manly Man. Haha! I wrote his name wrong. Hmmm. I wonder if that means he will come to me as a different man. Maybe. 🙂

  199.  #199Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    Siena, Yes, I choose a much better man. My girlfriend said I deserved a Godly man who could be my shoulder to lean on while I’m out in the world helping others. And she’s right. My whole body said yes to that idea. I couldn’t believe she said it outloud. We were just driving along the road. I mentioned Mr. Fab Kisser, and she said when she met him she wasn’t impressed and that I really needed a strong Godly man who could support me in my adventures, who would be MY shoulder. Sigh. Yes, this is what I choose now. I choose a guy who is MY equal. I support my “window” or as Brenda says my POP and he supports me.

    I feel very excited to choose this for my life. Bring it on God. I’m ready. Nasty voices will go ahead and sit in the corner. I’ve got a popcorn and a movie set up for ya’ll. Cuz I’m doing this.

    For tonight, I’m actually choosing supper for one. I feel happy to have a night to myself with no kids in the house. It’s been MONTHS since I’ve had a night alone to do as I please.

  200.  #200Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    Hehe! I feel nervous that someone is going to invite me to dinner now. I don’t wanna go out now. I heard a car go by just now and thought “do not stop. do not stop.” Haha! I really believe someone will invite me to dinner.

    Ok. Undoing my mo-jo – I wonder what movies are on tonight for me to watch at home alone.

    Thank you God for humoring me. I changed my mind.

    LOL! 🙂

  201.  #201Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    What is up with me repeating words three times?

    Directly, directly, directly.

    Now, now, now.

    I must go directly now?

    Where God?

    Directly where?

  202.  #202Daria on October 8, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    Shannon – you’re making magic in 3’s!

    i feel scared to wonder what man will come see me tonite

    i wonder why it will feel so particularly fun to go to my Goddess group tonite

  203.  #203Jennifer on October 8, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    I need to work on some more feeling messages
    But I feel good breaking an old pattern
    Used to be that if a man was sorta sad and begging and had an excuse I would look past it and cut him a whole lot of slack
    I feel more powerful not cutting school yard guy slack.
    Really he could have found a way to contact me before two weeks had gone by.
    But I feel worried about being not soft too.
    He’s all begging me and stuff for my number now.
    I don’t want to go out with him now
    how I do I say that in feeling messages?

  204.  #204Renee on October 8, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    Jennifer — I don’t know if this makes any difference, but when my brother met my sister-in-law back in college, he waited 2 weeks before he called her and they ended up getting married!

    If the guy intrigues you otherwise, I say go out with him at least once and see how it goes!

  205.  #205Jennifer on October 8, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    I also feel kinda embarassed last night at judo I kicked other guy (I’ll call him TJ) directly in the junk twice!!!
    Then we somehow got chatting about my thing with school yard guy.
    TJ thinks the feeling message was an invitation for him to make it up to me.
    Judo man seemed stunned that I was so honest.
    I didn’t see the feeling messages as being an invitation to make it up to me.
    We got talking about my requirements. I said that my cousin who works with Schoolyard guy was prolly gonna be annoyed that I didn’t wanna go out with him cause buddy has a job.
    I said having a job is an entry requirement only. Dudes with no job can keep on walking.
    Judo man said…..well what about guys who are independanly wealthy….
    I said…I guess…if they had something to keep thier brains working all day long.

  206.  #206Jennifer on October 8, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    hey renee
    he doesn’t really intrigue me
    I was gonna go for a drink just for the practice
    now it’s kind of a think
    he stood me up
    then called me two weeks later.
    I just wanna use this to practice
    how do I feel about this
    I assume saying
    “I feel like you killed my horny,pal….keep walking”
    is not appropriate

  207.  #207Daria on October 8, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    Jennifer – how about… “mmm… i still feel turned off…”

  208.  #208Renee on October 8, 2010 at 4:54 pm

    Oh, yah, Jennifer — I forgot that he stood you up. Well, hmmm…maybe not in his case :/

  209.  #209Jennifer on October 8, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    yeah…I thought about that.
    but I wonder if that wouldn’t just give him the impression that he can still try to make it up to me
    I would like him to go away
    how to do that while being soft and welcoming?

  210.  #210Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 5:26 pm

    Jennifer: I don’t know all of the back story on this guy. He stood you up? Why are you talking to him? Is a part of you curious why? Would there be any reason you might want to forgive him and give him a second chance? Or maybe you feel afraid that you are cutting him slack (like you did with B) and that he’ll take advantage of you?

    Not sure how this will sit with you. Just wondering where you are with this. If the answer is no, then just say “I really appreciate the interest but the answer is no”.

  211.  #211Tina on October 8, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    “last minute guy” wants to meet for coffee, I said I would feel better if he picked me up then he says , he would if I sent him a pick lol, so yeah. He hasnt sent me one yet lol how do I ask, do I just send him mine and ask for one in return? lol. or what? Im laying around in my sweats but I would go out for a coffee 🙂 he seems good with that too.

  212.  #212Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    Tina, “I feel open for coffee. I feel adventurous. No pic required. What do you think?”

  213.  #213Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    And Jennifer, TJ is totally flirting with you on FB. Hottie. Wow.

  214.  #214Tina on October 8, 2010 at 5:36 pm

    love it SS lol Im going to use it. I wasnt planning on going out tonight anyway so yeah, I can stay home and eat the roast I had in the oven and practice singing thanks your a doll!

  215.  #215Daria on October 8, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    Siena – wow! i’ve read most of your book andi just feel it swirl around me, enveloping me with magic love! thank you!

  216.  #216Tina on October 8, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    I just sent it! lol

  217.  #217Tina on October 8, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    Oops, I forgot the what do you think part, im sending it now thanks again SS

  218.  #218Daria on October 8, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    Jennifer – yes, and if he does…make it up to you, be open to it

    you don’t control/decide on him if he goes away

    you get to share how he’s making you feel so far

    i’ve had guys i thought i wanted to go away, change my feelings witha single phrase – men are good at that – turnaround on the dime

    then again… if that’s how you would treat any man, ie your boundary is they never get a second chance once standing you up…

    then tell him that..

    otherwise all you can say is…

    im still feeling turned off, im not interested in further contact at this point

    *but he may still contact you*

    and i wouldn’t be all directive like that

    the universe is watching, not about this guy but watching your openness vibe

    if this guy makes you feel ICKY creepy, then : mmm

    i feel turned off and unsafe and uncomfortable to date you… i actually don’t want to have any more contact

    might work…

    i think an important Message Could be – i am not controlling the outcome, i am only telling divine masculine how i feel

  219.  #219Daria on October 8, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    when i don’t want to talk to a man i just stop answering him..


  220.  #220Jennifer on October 8, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    yer a freakin genius.
    An honest to god genius.
    So simple
    so straight forward.

  221.  #221Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    Daria, I loved reading this line. It kind of rhymes and it’s so true. 🙂

    i’ve had guys i thought i wanted to go away,
    change my feelings with a single phrase.

    This is just how my feelings work too. I think I want him to go away and then wham… that feeling changes.

  222.  #222Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    And Tina and Jennifer – you’re welcome. 🙂 Glad those messages resonated with you.

  223.  #223Buttery on October 8, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    I’m feeling sad right now. sad and confused.

    I want my guy to make plans for us, not call and ask me what I want to do. I feel good staying home alone tonight, but I would have gone out with him if he had actually planned something.

    So I put off seeing him until tomorrow, when we can plan something “fun”.

    I want a masculine, decisive man.

  224.  #224Buttery on October 8, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    I feel sad that Blondie broke up with Renee.

    But I’m glad that Renee is feeling okay and doing well.

    Reading about that triggered tears in me. How can a man seem so interested and loving one day and then do a 180 the next. It makes me feel helpless and scared. Life is so unpredictable.

  225.  #225Jennifer on October 8, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    Daria…also genius.
    I dont know
    I feel like sometimes I get frozen in my feelings.
    I try to sink down into them but I feel like I get stuck at the top somehow.
    Like I’m stuck at annoyed.
    But shouldn’t there be more underneath that?
    Like I see the other sirens having alot of feelings under feelings.
    I do that sometimes, but sometimes not… just the first thing that comes along. I wonder.
    Hey Rori…
    does there have to be more underneath?
    I hear you….just say my feelings.
    As soon as I find em.

  226.  #226Jennifer on October 8, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    I think that’s my boundary
    No second chance if I’m stood up
    Cause it makes me feel
    is that a feeling?

  227.  #227Jennifer on October 8, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    SS…you think TJ is flirting with me?

  228.  #228Jennifer on October 8, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    I’m still feeling turned off.
    Being stood up is a boundary I have. Guys don’t get a second chance after that cause it makes me feel invisible and pissed. I don’t want to feel that way.

  229.  #229Jennifer on October 8, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    one of my fb statuses says that I think the “independantly wealthy” option sounds like fun.
    Tee Hee….

  230.  #230Simply Shannon on October 8, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    Jennifer, why are you second guessing yourself about this? Do you feel unsure about something? It is okay to say no. Just no. Explanation unnecessary. Or you can word it up all you want…

    I feel angry being stood up. I feel disappointed. And although I appreciate your pursuit now, I feel unsure I could ever look past that. Knowing I can count on someone and lying are boundaries for me.

    I’m just writing this stuff out and seeing what sticks. Mostly I’m sensing your uncertainty, and I feel curious why.

    And yes, TJ is flirting. And I am secretly hoping you will drop a feeling message just to see what happens. Truth – So I can watch it happen. Cuz it’s all about me. 🙂

  231.  #231Tina on October 8, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    I was thinking of a FEELING today, I forgot already *sigh

  232.  #232Lizzie on October 8, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    Daria – It would be fabulous if you came to Toronto for a visit – it is a good place to visit – November is pretty miserable though, so pick another month – May if fabulous! You do need to know that you can not just move here permanently, just like I can not just move to the USA permanently. I suppose you could if you married the Canadian guy, but you will most likely be investigated to make sure the relationship is “legitimate” as it is one of the ways “illegals” try to stay in Canada. Sorry to be the one to dispel the myth. Do be wary of false promises – sorry it is not so easy and I’d hate to see you do a ton of planning about moving here, when the chances of you being able to stay are so minimal.

  233.  #233Siena on October 8, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Yay Daria, you read it!? I feel so honored!! I hope you can take what I said and make a biz that sings!!! The world (not just this blog) needs to hear your voice and spirit. I don’t say that lightly, either. I believe it with conviction!

    Hi Buttery. How would it feel to tell him you need to feel courted? “Guy, I’m feeling sad. I need to feel courted. What do you think?” and then see what he does with it. If he does nothing, nothing happens between you two and another man has the privilege of being able to see you glow.

    There’s ALWAYS another man who will step up when one doesn’t want to/can’t.

    xoxo Siena

  234.  #234Jennifer on October 8, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    you want to see me drop a feeling message about what?
    TJ flirting?
    Or to schoolyard guy?
    I did the one for schoolyard guy.
    I dont’ know what to feeling message TJ about….I feel confused.
    I second guess myself about everything. I still have days that I still wonder if it was the right thing to leave B.
    Judo guy said to me one day in class… had that move right. Don’t second guess yourself. I replied…”are you channeling my therapist?”

  235.  #235Siena on October 8, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    Btw (re “I need to feel courted”).

    I used that just the other night on the phone with Mover Man. He lives a couple of hours away, and it makes sense for me to go to him for dates. My schedule is much more flexible than his.

    But I don’t want to date that way, and he really didn’t understand why , until I told him it’s because I need to feel courted. And I said to him, “the driving to you isn’t the issue. If you can figure out a way to make me feel courted while I drive to you, I’ll happily do it .”

    He understood, and has switched around his schedule to come to me, and hasn’t asked me again to come his way.

    It feels so liberating to be able to speak my truth in a way that is heard!!!!

  236.  #236Lizzie on October 8, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    OK the date…it was lovely as all dates are lovely. He is a nice guy and stepped up big time – he had a flower for me, and jumped at paying the bill, even for the extra basket of wings I ordered as a take-home for my son. Sweet!

    I practiced two things – leaning back and just letting him talk and take the lead on the conversations, and not analyzing his thinking processes (I do this for a living and don’t want to be doing this on a date!). We had a lovely time talking about our travels in Asia.

    I could quite easily see being a friend, but not a lover – ever.

    Funny how that happens. Like absolutely no chemistry at all. I do like listening to his stories, his ideas and his views. That is so nice…at the very least he is intellectually all there.

    He was a musician and now teaches ESL. Funny though, his speech patterns and mannerisms remind me of a gay man. I was married to a gay man. Although I don’t think he is gay – I kinda wonder if he might be an Aquarius boy. He seems a little etherial…hmmmm.

    Anyway I gave him a big smacking kiss on the lips upon our departure – yech too soft. Nope no turn on there. But he is so sweet – sent me a yummy email by the time I go home.

    So nice time, I would see him again for more CD practice.

    I felt good about how I talked about the gift of my children and how much I love what I do and all that. Never talked about my ex or how long I am single etc etc. Travel in Asia really is a fab conversation area that just works so nicely. I feel good and happy to continue CD and be patient for Family Guy. I also find it interesting that I have no sense of being invested in an outcome and surprisingly relaxed about just leaning back as Family Guy does his thing – I just know he will be in touch when he is ready. I am actually really glad that I had all this time to do all this work on myself before I see him again.

  237.  #237Erika Awakening on October 8, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    Renee, sorry to hear that … you are loved

  238.  #238Girl on October 8, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    Okay, so things aren’t feeling as good as I’d like. I called D cause I was near his work and I thought I’d stop by. But he didnt’ answer, which was fine. When I got home, I got busy making a cheesy spaghetti dish i had been fantasizing about cause a bunch of good cheese was about to go bad, and so was some Sage – which I’ve never even used before. But I was imagining that a pasta dish with sage and cheese and Greek yogurt and jalapenos would be delicious. So I got to work and chatted with my Roommate. Then after eating cheesy gooey deliciousness, (although the cheese was questionable and, all in all, not at all worth eating, but hey it was a good effort), I casually made my way back into my bedroom to check my phone. I had two missed calls and a voice mail. I called him back and the conversation felt tense. I said “I called you cause I was driving near your work and I thought of stopping by.” He said, “Yeah, I called you back but there was no answer.” I said “I know. I got home and got busy with other things.” And he was like “Oh, ok, I see.” And it all felt so weird and bad. He told me all about what he’s done so far today and how his cold is feeling – all about the blocked nasal passages and his plan to get Nyquil later. Then he asked what I was up to tonight. It occured to me that it was now my turn to “Share,” and I didn’t feel like it. And that felt bad. I felt like the relationship is broken. Or like maybe I’m breaking it. I can’t tell. It feels very strange.

  239.  #239Erika Awakening on October 8, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    Orna, I love the “pattern interrupt” and noticing the stories people are telling themselves … that’s a big part of my coaching too … thanks that feels like a breath of fresh air … and I appreciated your note back to me on the other thread too though I’ve been too busy to respond …

  240.  #240Lizzie on October 8, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    Girl, if he is sick, he is sick. Provide space. Sick men – send them to bed with a hot-rum toddy and leave them alone. Just say I am sad that you are not well and I do want you to be well soon so that we can play together. Sleep now and be well soon.

  241.  #241Siena on October 8, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    Reading Marianne Williamson. She’s talking about breakups. “you might have had an appetite for the less than committed because you weren’t ready to be committed. Now, having been run from, you are ready to stop running. Now, having been stung, you are ready to stop stinging. And now, a true love – one who neither stings nor runs nor is attracted to pain – is on their way to meet you.”

    Yay! That’s my prayer tonight!

  242.  #242Girl on October 8, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    Lizzie I don’t feel heard at all. I’m actually laughing cause your response has nothing to do with where I’m at. But I feel compassion cause I know that I popped up out of nowhere without much point of view.

  243.  #243Girl on October 8, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    I felt a little frustrated and triggered by your response. But now self conscious cause I don’t want you to take it personally.

  244.  #244Girl on October 8, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    actually no, I do want you to take it personally. in a way…cause I was triggered by the authoritative tone in your post…what do you think?

  245.  #245Lizzie on October 8, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    Girl – thank you! I feel good and thankful to get feedback about when I have slipped into masculine fix energy. I appreciate your voice. It amazes me how quicky I can go there. Even more interesting because I responded so spontaneously and I am tired. Seems when I am tired, I stop listening – what a demonstration!

    Now I shall appologise for completly missing your needs and being so bold in rushing to judgment. I am missing the context story and don’t feel capable of adding any insight at present. Thank you for your compassion

  246.  #246Lizzie on October 8, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    good night all and happy Thanksgiving for all the Canadians!

  247.  #247Girl on October 8, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    Oh Lizzie, that feels so so good! Thank you for your willingness to hear me! Really, that felt so so good to experience a transformation from feeling bad and tight and triggered to feeling compassion and harmony and love! That was very powerful. Thank you!

  248.  #248Girl on October 8, 2010 at 8:12 pm

    But looking back, I wish I had said “I feel unheard.”

  249.  #249Girl on October 8, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    but what I’m saying about D is that he feels very frustrated when he can’t reach me by phone. And I feel frustrated by constant texts and phone calls that interrupt whatever I’m doing. I always feel anxious to get off the phone. The texts are usually professions of love, and I think it’s sweet, but it doesn’t occur to me how important it is for him that I reciprocate. Cause I just don’t feel a need for THAT much communication. In fact I find it a turn off. Lately, he’s been especially needy, and I’ve been doing my own thing. But today, I thought I’d follow the attraction that has slowly has been refueling, so I called to come meet at his work. I felt like that was my way of satiating his need for attention. But then he got pissed that I didn’t answer his return calls, and we’re back to me being on the defensive. And, on a different note, I feel annoyed hearing the details of his day and or physical condition. And guilty about it.

  250.  #250Girl on October 8, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    I’m realizing that I don’t want a relationship built on guilt. Gosh no! I really do want a relationship built on passion! I feel scared of that. I want it anyway!

  251.  #251Girl on October 8, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    Eeeew! I feel freaked out! I’m watching an ABC special about “secrets of the brain” – they are performing brain surgery on an obese woman to change her behavior! She was awake during it and they control her thoughts by tinkering with her brain!

  252.  #252Katarina Phang on October 8, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    I thought I would share funny videos to lighten up your Friday night, ladies:

    I love it! 😀

  253.  #253Jason Miller on October 8, 2010 at 8:56 pm

    236: Lizzie

    It occurs to me that if you did see this guy again on a date you would be potentially leading him on since you are not attracted to him in the least. Just be aware if he continues to pay for everything and tries too hard to please you, that you don’t encourage him. It’s not really practice dating if you already know the guy has no chance with you whatsoever.

    My two cents. Your mileage may vary.

  254.  #254Girl on October 8, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    They keep saying things like “how your brain can make you addicted to food” and the whole time they’re playing psychodelic music. It just seems like lies to me. And I feel scared of why I’m being told lies about my brain.

  255.  #255Nikita on October 8, 2010 at 10:24 pm

    I ate 3 ice-cream cookie sandwiches today…I knew I should stop but I wouldn’t stop…. I don’t feel guilty but I was observing my brain and how demanding it felt….it was different for me…

  256.  #256Daria on October 8, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    Lizzie – wow ! thanks for the heads up about staying in Toronto…

    well i feel pretty confident about being able to move anywhere

    im an outlaw shall we say 😉

    i love it!!

  257.  #257Daria on October 8, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    Jennifer – wow !!! thats how I used to feel!! STUCK AT THE TOP!! of my feelings,

    i couldn’t feel much except tightness around my mouth

    The RIFFING helped… it was def babysteps!

  258.  #258Daria on October 8, 2010 at 11:08 pm

    and it was the in the body riffing…

    this feels like tightness around my mouth, I LOVE the tightness around my mouth…

    KEY PHRASE NOW: and THAT feels like … (what does loving the tightness around my mouth feel like?)

    That will be a diff feeling

    then my body started trusting me and melting more and more

  259.  #259Daria on October 8, 2010 at 11:57 pm

    wow Girl! i feel awed by how honestly, simply, and non blamingly you expressed yourself to Lizzie!

    I want to do that too!

    and i will!

    thank you!!

  260.  #260Daria on October 8, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    ps – you did say “i feel unheard” well, you said, “I don’t feel heard at all”

    I am just blown away

    um. wow.

  261.  #261Daria on October 9, 2010 at 12:00 am

    can you be MY Rori Raye facilitator please?

    I want THAT

  262.  #262Daria on October 9, 2010 at 12:00 am

    ability to express myself

  263.  #263Daria on October 9, 2010 at 12:05 am

    mom, I don’t feel heard at all… but I feel compassion because I know you might feel scared.

    I feel a lil frustrated and upset by your response… but now self conscious cause i don’t want you to take it personally…

    actually, a little bit I do, because i felt angry hearing the authoritative tone … whta do you think?

  264.  #264Daria on October 9, 2010 at 12:05 am

    thank you!

  265.  #265Lorelei on October 9, 2010 at 1:12 am

    Siena @235 – thanks so much for this script idea about needing to feel courted . . it’s a lovely twist on the I feel old-fashioned one. I’m dying to hear how he might make you feel courted even if you drive to him. I’m starting online dating, and there is often distance involved.

    And @241 – such a beautiful thought, and this is going to be a little mantra for me today. Thanks for sharing.

  266.  #266BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 4:28 am

    I have just “hidden” my profile on POF and the paid dating site I am on…………not really sure what is going on with me…………..BUT I do know I am soooo over these men that don’t step up………..maybe it IS negative I don’t know but this has been my experience……..I just don’t care anymore and need to step back and evaluate if any of this is even serving my needs…..NO IT IS NOT………… really is making me feel worse than ever……….that there is no man out there “I” am interested in who is in my age group that wants an Exclusive Committed Relationship with me……………

  267.  #267Daria on October 9, 2010 at 4:36 am

    Far above the clouds , from a 747 jet, a heart scream rang out. In theocean below, yemaya was rubbing her dark glistening skin with salty water. The heart scream vibrated through her, causing her to drop her seashell pompoms that she was wrapping into her thick wavy hair.

    What? She wondered? Who could be screaming out for yemaya ? And here in the middle of the ocean. This is some wrenching heart pain.

    Yemaya’s abundant compassion was moved.
    She turned her attention to the direction of the scream.

    What? She thought? A child of Bendis? Here?
    Screaming for yemaya?

    How would she even know me wondered yemaya.

    Yemaya had not seen her friend Bendis in a few thousand years. Her children, Amazon priestesses, did not even know themselves now. How could she know of yemaya, to scream such a heartscream for her that would not be ignored.

    Yemaya heard a familiar sound, a singing and oh. The child was watching a movie on the little screen.. A movie in which she Imanja, was washing on one of her favorite shores… Brazilia. Oh. She thought, a little less confused, but still rather puzzled. So she saw me here but… Why does she cry for me? What would make this child not knowing her own , cry for me, yemaya?

    Yemaya used her looking to look into the life of this child of Bendis. She saw terrible heartbreak… The child flying far away… Left dry of heartwater… Her mother child of Hesta, like dead… In the spirit sense… And the child herself gulping and struggling horribly, to survive… With what mana she had left from having spent some time in the land of her birth. What she knew well would last her a week, tops

    The child needs spirit food, said yemaya. Outloud. This is how she recognized me. Her need is great. And Yemaya’s eyes filled with pity for the child. Children of Bendis did not do well leaving the land of their birth. Their energies would run dry easily if left un nourished, even back in the times when Bendis showed herself. And now, unknowing even of themselves, they suffered like fish out of water. Yemaya, goddess of the sea, shuddered.

    Come, come to my shores child she called. Come to Imanja’s beautiful home, and I shall feed you…

    Come to my beautiful Brazilia.

    And the Childs heart comforted, caught hold. I would like to live where this movie is , she thought in her mind, unaware that her heart scream had Bern heard by Imanja, or that there was a goddess who had spoken to her, or even that the piercing pain in her heart could be heard so loudly to vibrate the heart of a goddess. I wonder what this movie is called, thought Daria, unknowing child of Bendis. I really like it… wow… I wonder why.. I really want to love in brazil … I think it will be fun there… Way is this movie , Penelope Cruz… It was called Woman on Top



    Yemaya took on a fondness for the child of Bendis. She could not reach her, and the pain of the child ached her heart. She her 3 sister goddesses to help.

    Go see this child of Bendis, she told them. Feed her. Cheer her up!

    A child of Bendis? Said oya

    Who is Bendis ? Said oshun

    Poor baby… Said obba

    Bendis is a friend of mine from long ago, said yemaya.
    Oshun you know her too, If you do not remember. She is the queen of the daughters of the amazons. She hasn’t shown
    for many a change now,

    Oh, said oshun, playing with her hair. I remember. She used to have those long silky braids…

    Yes that’s her said yemaya, smiling. Oshun loved hairstyles.

    Yes i remember Bendis said oya. I even fought along with her so that we’d win the … Oh it Was such a long time ago

    The 3 sisters went and tried to play with the girl. But she was rather oblivious, not knowing of herself, and just kept suffering.

    She doesn’t like to dress up! She doesn’t do her hair, she runs around in a t shirt and pants, like a boy! What shall I do with her? I’m bored,

    Said oshun frustrated.

    Have patience, said yemaya. It is a mark of children of Bendis that they will wear whatever things and move wild. She will learn.

    But oshun was bored.

    She doesn’t anger! Said oya, exasperated.

    What kind of warriors were the amazons!
    What shall I do with this child who won’t stand up for herself!

    Have patience, said yemaya. Children of Bendis do not anger rashly. But watch her if you threaten her loyalty.

    But oya was bored. The child was well behaved and did not start fights or make a feared name for herself, tho she had to admit she was rather tough and well prepared to fight.

    I don’t know what to do! Cried obba. The child is too independent. She doesn’t want a boyfriend… Yet she likes men… I am truly confused.

    Uff, said yemaya. Yes, she’s not the kind to tie to a man at a young age. Amazons hardly are.

    But obba was descouraged.

    So yemaya did what she knew she could do. With patience her sisters would get through.

    But for now,

    she sent in the warriors.


    Part ||| coming up

  268.  #268BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 5:03 am

    I am over this CD’ing even though it is early days for me……….Ha it has only been 4 or 5 weeks with just one man who has never contacted me again and that is OK because the feeling was mutual…….

  269.  #269Jennifer on October 9, 2010 at 5:52 am

    I woke up with a headache.
    I feel miserable and like an ogre.I do not have layers like an onion though..I have teeth
    I am staying at my parents to watch my nan so my mom could go out.
    Right around 2 am she starts hollering up the stairs.
    “Jinny!!! Are you awake!!”
    So before I could even roll over dad stumbles down the stairs, turns out she only wants me.
    I get up and go down stairs and she’s like “is your mother home yet?”
    It’s now 2 am. I said “nanny….no she’s not…go back to bed. Don’t holler for me again unless yer half way to dead. It’s 2 am. You better be able to see the grim reaper before you call for me again”
    Now I feel guilty.
    Then there’s dad stomping around mumbling swears cause she’s woken us up.
    then mom comes in at 3 and turns all the lights on and I’m like WTF!?!?!?!??!!??!!
    So now I woke up with a headache. And I’m miserable.
    I have to drive for and hour to do one injection today.
    So now I have to decide what I’m doing for me today.
    Maybe a pedicure.

  270.  #270Renee on October 9, 2010 at 7:16 am

    Barb — Please don’t give up! I know this has been frustrating so far, but I think a few weeks is not adequate time to really see how it works for you.

    It feels like to me that you’re backing off because you want to shield yourself from rejection…does that resonate with you at all? There ARE men your age who are interested in a real relationship…you don’t necessarily need to date tons of men to cd either…just a few here and there are enough to practice.

    And, on the guy who didn’t call you back — I sincerely feel that he sensed your lack of interest and that’s what prompted his lack of further interest. I’ve been talking a lot with an old bf lately and he has been great an providing me with insight into the male mind. One of the things that’s big for him is feeling that the woman is really into him…for him (and I know this isn’t the “Rori” way of doing things), part of that is the woman asking him a few questions here and there in between all of his questions. He says he doesn’t feel she’s interested otherwise, and I totally understand that (we’ve all been on the dates with men who ramble on incessantly about themselves, right?).

    Anyway — my point is that since you weren’t interested, you undoubtedly gave him that vibe and so you’re right — you haven’t lost a thing with him not calling you back.

    But there are new men signing up on these dating sites every day, and all it takes is one, just one, to find you and ask you out.

    Is in Australia? Here in the states, it’s the biggest dating site and the more members there are, of course, the greater your odds are of finding ‘the one’.

    Just because I’ve been hurt, I’m not giving up. I have dates lined up for tonight and tomorrow…I don’t know if I’m all that interested in either, but it’s helping me build back up my self esteem and I’m going to try to be honestly open to giving these men a chance. But believe me…there have been weeks or even a couple of months that have gone by where I couldn’t scare up a date for anything!

    Maybe it’s a phase of the moon or whatever, but just because you’re not being inundated with dating offers right now, it doesn’t mean more won’t be coming. Please tell me you won’t give up….

  271.  #271Ella on October 9, 2010 at 7:30 am

    Nikita, Lol, re #161 – love it! 🙂

  272.  #272Ella on October 9, 2010 at 7:31 am

    Hmmm, I just posted a load of stuff on the ‘questions & comment’ thread.

    Wondering whether to copy and past it all to this thread as this is the one most people are using…

  273.  #273Ella on October 9, 2010 at 7:45 am

    Jacqueline re#165

    I don’t know why I said soothe. I guess I was just picking up on all the tension vibes and triggering that was happening on here last night.

    And then Lonplum said she felt dispair for me and it made me want to soothe her… lol…

    I am not a mum however I used to have a bad habit of becoming a care taker in a relationship! No more…

    So soothing probably is not really my job. Good insight. 🙂

    To the word soothe means to ‘calm down’ or ‘comfort’ someone when they are upset.

    As we are encouraged to work through our angry and upset feelings here, and we are not children it is probably just another way I try to control things.

    So, from that point of view… I do not want to ‘soothe’ (control) Loneplum… I love hearing what you have to say… all of you.

  274.  #274Ella on October 9, 2010 at 7:51 am


    Re#164 – that is lovely! 🙂

    Nice to hear when the tools work so well and people are having good experiences.

  275.  #275Ella on October 9, 2010 at 7:52 am

    Apologies in advance for any double posting as I am going to see whether I can move my posts from the questions/comments thread to this thread…

  276.  #276Ella on October 9, 2010 at 7:57 am

    Owww, so some stuff has happened with me.

    Match guy (who I opened up to by being honest about feeling weird about him coming on strong)continued to call and text me and I continued to feel resistant to it and not answer the calls. So in the end I texted him back and said maybe I did not explain too well on the phone (as when we spoke on the phone and I said I felt certain things he suggested I see a Dr – in a nice way, lol, oh bless, aren’t men naive about feelinsg sometimes!). I said sometimes I felt uncomfortable letting men come close to me since my stepdad died, and especially when the guy comes on strong and I am still working out how I feel about him. Anyway he finally stopped texting after this. And to be honest I do no care a all.

    Well maybe I feel slightly disappointed as he was one of the first ones who I have tried this level of honesty with, however he did not run for the hills immediately and I have always felt he didn’t really know how to handle me when I spoke about my feelings. He would try to make a joke or suggest an solution or change the subject, which didn’t feel great.

    And I was not really that attracted to him and was just continuing to CD him for the purpose of CD-ing, as an experiment. The old me would have dropped him a long time ago hoever I feel I have learnt some stuff here and I will definitely be braver about speaking my true feelings and being honest with men following on from here.

    The other thing hat happened was I had a weird kinda text stand off thing with this other guy I was dating. I was also not that attracted to him, in fact I can honestly say that there could not have been less of a spark for me.. no chemistry at all for me, luke warm feelings bordering on indifference! However I was going to go on a second date for CD-ing purposes.

    Well he wanted to meet on Friday and we had planned this. There had already been some question as to wheher I would go as I had been honest with him (and still respectful) and
    said that I was feeling unsure about a second date.

    So he is always super nice when he texted and called, like extra, extra nice, sticky sweet but to me it didn’t feel genuine and he got kinda weird on the first date when he asked me if I had met anyone else from match and I said I was dating someone.

    He started asking whether I was going to see this other guy again and I felt quite uncomfortable. It would have been good to use some tools here and be honest however this time I didn’t so I kinda deflected the question and said I might do. His smile went kinda tight and he quizzed me about it again on the phone later. This did not feel comfortable to me. Still I was going to give him one more chance whilst being mindful of this.

    Anyway, we were planning Friday’s date by text when he text me on Tuesday. I generally prefer guys to call however on this case I was busy out with another guy and it was more convenient to text. So he asked me if we were still on and I said yes and asked what the plan was? He said what about cineman followed by a drink.

    I had been thinking about how I was feeling about this guy and realised that I only wanted to spend a short amount of time with him. I wanted short dates to preserve my energy and not get burnt out.

    So I said “I would feel more comfortable with a shorter date”. He said he did not understand this.
    There were a few texts back and forward with me basically saying the same thing. He didn’t want to accept what I was saying and took it personally. I began to feel really cross.

    I said I would rather not get into this discussion via text but that I could not talk right now, what did he think? He said he could call me right away. I re-iterated that I was busy and could not talk but I was happy to talk on phone later. He still kept texting asking me questions about why I wanted short date ie: didn’t I really want to go, etc etc…, it felt like an energy drain to me, I refused to be drawn into explaining myself. By this time I was feeling angry.

    So I said I would feel comfortable with EITHER cinema OR a drink but not both as I would prefer a short date and be home early. Then he said I should choose what we did. He did this last time basically sorting pushing the planning of the date onto me but this time I was ready for it and I said I prefer it when a guy plans the date, it feels nicer to me.

    At which point he said we would go to the cinema follwed by a drink and a long chat!!! WTF!!!! Grrrrr Arghhh, I felt so frustated. I felt totally unheard!

    I said I felt confused and frustrated and was not available to talk via text anymore and that we could discuss it on the phone later. Anyway he didn’t call later and I was pleased as I had decided not to meet him after all.

    So I guess he was smoked out by CD-ing and RR tools.

    Now I no longer have 3 in rotation, in fact I only have 1 again! And a different one at that, Lol… but it’s ok I will easily build back up tp three. I need to sort out my match profile as since I changed the writing I have got less respones. So I will change it back to roughly the old wording.

    So hereis to CD-ing in all it’s glory and to continuing riding on my horse!

  277.  #277Ella on October 9, 2010 at 7:58 am

    Hmmm, my posts are very long… I feel boring! I feel judged that people will find my posts boring – silly little me, lol!

    I want to learn to be more to the point!

  278.  #278Ella on October 9, 2010 at 7:59 am

    Went to the pub last night… on my own, brave me!

    Knew some people there – it was cool. I felt a litle anxious going in then settled down.

    An older guy took a liking to me. Didn’t fancy him but he was cool. He had a guitar and asked me if I would like to sing. I did REALLY want to sing but I felt shy. He dragged me up.

    I sang!! Wow – brave me.

    Everyone stopped and listened. I have no idea how I sounded. I felt good, adrenaline and also nervous and akward/shy.

    Then I got into it and just loved it! I felt famous! Lol. I had a good time and I feel proud that I can go out and do what I want to do w/o waiting on a man.

    I talked to some guy friends in the pub, I was practising being a girl. I felt unheard and a lil’ invisible as they were drunk and being ‘boys’.

    I am not willing to shour louder to be heard.

    I used to use my boy energy in these situations and to get served a bar etc… now I need to figure out how to make my girl energy so strong and bright I can still get served w/o being a boy!

  279.  #279Ella on October 9, 2010 at 7:59 am

    Daria you said something about not needing to drink so much anymore or engage in other unhealthy addictive behaviours now that you use the tools more.

    I want to have that too.

    I can feel a shift inside me and right now I feel worried that I will never learn to drink in a reasonable way…

    I feel annoyed with myself when I drink too much.

    I drank to much last night and today I feel a lil’ shaky –

    but not nearly as bad as usually. And last night I could feel myslf thinking about what I was drinking and making a consious decision to have another drink instead of just on autopilot.

    So maybe there is a shift and change is happening, inside where I cannot see …

    maybe it will be like an avalanche! Lol…

    I feel playful!

  280.  #280Ella on October 9, 2010 at 8:00 am

    After going to the pub I went with my guy friends to a local bar/nightclub. They decided not to go in as they were drunk. I wanted to go in anyway. So I did. I felt safe. The bar manager let me come in for free!

    I felt empowered doing what I wanted.

    Mixed feelings. Sometimes strong and beautiful and then sometimes akward, judged, foolish. I stayed with my feelings.

    I smiled at people (especially guys) as they went by.

    I saw cute boy dancing. I went and stood nearby and smiled at him. He came over and we danced.

    He was young. He was HOT!!

    I felt good! And beautiful.

    I feel anxious that what I say now will be judged. I am going to say it anyway.

    I decided to go back to his. I still felt safe.

    He is 19, I am 30! I felt old. He wanted me to go with him. I went.

    One of his mates called out that he was going home with an OAP! I felt ashamed and foolish!

    I looked at him, he told me I was so hot, he kissed me. I felt good again immediately.

    We went back to his parent’s house. We had to be quiet. Naughty teenagers!

    We did it on the floor of the living room in the dark!

    It felt sooo good! I have not had sex for months. I REALLY wanted to.

    I do not have any expectations about seeing him again or anything at all. This is fine with me this time.

    I was on my period. Did not tell him… I feel really bad!

    Wished I had been able to tell him but I felt too akward about that to say!

    I felt frightened if I had told him I had my period we would have stopped. Didn’t want to stop.

    I feel dishonest and that feels icky! Will learn from this.

    Afterwards I felt really worried in case there was any blood on his parent’s carpet or sofa. OMG, OMG, OMG…

    I hope there is not… I don’t want that. I feel dirty for that…

    I feel ashamed for that.

    But not for the sex! Not for being with him! That felt amazing. I feel happy and good Lucky, sexy me!

    Afterwards he walked me back to the town, We had to wait for ages for the cab office to open.

    It was cold, he cuddled me. We kissed more. I felt HOT!! I felt so good. He was so strong. So good looking!

    Yummy. And I do not feel any remorse about sleeping with him. I would usually. Not today.

    I am a hot, sexy older woman today.

    I have carpet burn on my knees and a bruised back! Sex injuries! Lol, I am a naught teenager!

  281.  #281Ella on October 9, 2010 at 8:13 am


    Re# 199

    I LOVE that ‘nasty voices can sit in the corner’… lol! 🙂

  282.  #282Ella on October 9, 2010 at 8:23 am


    Re# 235.

    That is such a great way to say NO to driving to a man. ‘I need to feel courted’. I will use that for future.

  283.  #283Lorelei on October 9, 2010 at 8:39 am

    Ella @ 278 – tonight I’m circular dating by taking myself, on my own, to a Cuban club style Salsa party, organised by my Salsa teachers. There will be a bar. And there will be dancing.

    About your question about how to get served at a bar – and I’m answering this question for myself. What if we used the 5-second gaze and smile (flirt) tool on the barman. I’m going to use it also for being a Siren and hopefully being asked to dance. Lots of women just grab men in order to get dances, but I want them to notice me, and approach me. Hopefully will work for the barman too!!

  284.  #284Erika Awakening on October 9, 2010 at 9:08 am

    Hey Ladies,

    I’m going to be taking a break here and focusing on my private clients. The intention I’m setting is to free up enough time to begin developing video products so that HBR will eventually become accessible to a larger number of people. To accomplish that, I need to focus my efforts for now on the people who are supporting me financially, for which I am very appreciative.

    I invite you all to stop by my blog on a regular basis for articles. I’m coaching an increasing number of women, and my method works equally well for women as for men. It surely will help you integrate Rori’s teachings much faster, and save yourself months if not years of frustration of trying to integrate new empowering beliefs on top of old unhelpful baggage.

    Thanks for the time here and for all of the Sirens’ contributions. Everything happens for a reason, so I’m sure I was here for a reason just like everyone else. Even if the reasons are not always clear in the moment, I trust the bigger picture.

    As always, a big thank you to Rori for her openness of allowing a lot of people, including fellow coaches, to come here to experiment with new forms of connection. I do love the uncensored flow of ideas here.


  285.  #285retailtherapycathy on October 9, 2010 at 9:49 am

    Barbinoz – please dont give up with CDing, I had the exact same experience when I started about 3 weeks ago. Men flamed out all over the place, I wrote about it on here and the Sirens gave me some good advice. Be grateful (for what does come your way) and intend that the lull will correct itself and you will get lots of dates. If you treat yourself and CD yourself and be gentle with you, your vibe seems to change and better men will start to show up. Thanks Daria and Turtle Girl, three weeks later, i have two dates!

    Its almost like you have to go through the feeling of rejection (really icky) and come out the other side -better and stronger and not caring if men miss out on the opportunity to meet you. Fankly, its their loss! Just put yourself in front of the ones the do want to find you. Once you do I am really rooting for you.

  286.  #286retailtherapycathy on October 9, 2010 at 9:56 am

    Lorelei – OOOh! I feel excited to hear your message about trying out the 5 second gaze at the Salsa party tonight, I am off out to a Salsa party tonight too!

    This will be my first dance since finding the RR tools! I will try out the gaze as you suggest – please post and let me know how you get on! It would be funny if we were at the same party – the bar man wouldnt know who to serve first!!! usually I dont get many dances unless I ask but will see if I get more tonight with my new found power.
    Have fun!

  287.  #287Rori Raye on October 9, 2010 at 10:05 am

    Lorelei – have FUN!!! The thing with “social dancing” is this –If you’re a good dancer – meaning – if you can FOLLOW a man, any man fabulously – you’ll get asked to dance – a LOT!! Love, Rori

  288.  #288Lorelei on October 9, 2010 at 10:27 am

    Thanks Rori – I will!!! And following his lead is a great metaphor for following all the other leads men give . . . and not initiating. In dancing as in life . . . xx

  289.  #289Lorelei on October 9, 2010 at 10:32 am

    Retail therapy Cathy – yes, let’s compare notes! Lean back, way back, but the gaze . . . and being relaxed enough to follow . . . Salsa dancing also good for practicing the gaze on partners . . but I sometimes feel so shy and scared and bottle out on that one. But keeping eye contact also helps follow the lead . .

  290.  #290Lizzie on October 9, 2010 at 10:52 am

    Barb – I put myself on hide for a while as well. I hate the thing! the men all sound the same – bla bla bla bla…hate it. A few weeks off and I get back on again. I will though, cancel my script on eH – I have now been matched with 400 men, I have changed all my settings to allow the maximum possible matches and I am no getting matched with fork-lift truck operators who love to relax with their truck. OMG help me!! When I run out of humour, I take myself down.
    I am off shopping with fab daughter #1!! and cooking for Thanksgiving feasting!!!
    I shall check in later tonight, Barb.

  291.  #291Renee on October 9, 2010 at 11:16 am

    Lizzie — On the eHarmony thing…you may want to try one last thing before you give it up completely — retake the personality quiz. Just tell them that a lot has changed in your life since you took it originally and you want it to reflect where you are now and they’ll let you.

    Then, when you answer the questions, keep in mind how your ideal man would answer them because this is how they’re going to determine whom they match you with — if you want an outgoing, ambitious man, you need to check that you are at least somewhat outgoing and ambitious or you won’t get matched with anyone like that. (Kind of like the article on soulmates said — ask yourself how many of the qualities you seek you already have yourself).

    I’m not saying completely change all your answers, but just feel what’s true for you when you keep in mind how your ideal man would answer them and vear a little in that direction and I bet you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the results. One of the biggest things I did, for example, was list that I enjoyed exercise. Now the truth is, I don’t really like to exercise, but I do like the way I feel afterwards and up until this summer, was going to the gym 3-5 times a week. I figured my ideal man would work out too, so I said something about being somewhat athletic or exercising or something (I don’t remember exactly how the question was worded). Anyway, I’ve been matched with much better quality men since I retook the personality quiz…just my two cents, but it might be worth a shot 🙂

  292.  #292Amy F. on October 9, 2010 at 11:48 am


    I feel your pain. I too have my own online dating woes. Men who are really old and who I am not attracted to find me. I do not have the number of men contacting me I expected. Lizzie rewrote my profile and this helped. One man who found me is really amazing and we have been on one date. I had a great time and I have the online site (and Lizzie) to thank for it.

    However, I want to CD. I am frustrated, so I hid my profile. The point is (and I’m talking to myself as much as to you), hang in there. The profile is up and find something else to do. Paying attention to it is like watching a pot boil. When I turn my profile on again, I will just forget about it and continue to CD in other ways.

  293.  #293Daria on October 9, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    Ella – wow! Your story of your night is off the hook amazing! I am spell bound. Yay girl!

    Just to let you know, I am 28 , and date 19 year olds all the time. In fact 19 – a guy- is one I like. But now he just turned 20.

    Ps – I used to be something like a binge drinking alcoholic. And I put something like there just for something like’s sake.

    I remember last year around this time feeling frustrated that I didn’t yet feel comfortable being in a crowded place, like a bar, without having a drink.

    And now, here I am. Sooo… If u intend it it Will happen!

  294.  #294Daria on October 9, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    Yay Erika for video products! Awesome!

    And awesome how your biz time is filled up

  295.  #295Daria on October 9, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    I am sooo going “to the pub” by myself now. On my bike. All I need is a bike lock. Then I can bike home for an hour… Maybe extreme, but I can make it fun.

  296.  #296Daria on October 9, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    About asking men questions: what I learned from Rori

    Yes! Ask questions! But How is important.

    I spent a long time of my rori existence in silence feeling message and don’t wants, exclusively. And it got me that feeling of mystery, etc, but I felt a lil aloof, a lil too ice queen, a lil disconnected for my taste.

    So I asked – when do we ask him about him ?


    The answer is… NEVER to keep the conversation going.

    NOT to evaluate whether he fits our criteria or judge him ( s tricky one to avoid , this – as most standard date q’s can easily turn this way)

    But ALWAYS out of curiosity and wonder.. A spirit of wonder about the person in front of us… I wonder who he is, where he grew up, ohhh I feel curious to know more about the trip he took, it sounds great.

    And then listen at level 2.

    But do not take the lead of the conversation, just ask yourself what you may be curious about him… Or if his story of something Is intriguing, say… Ohhh tell me more.

    This has helped me feel more warm and close, And I have been able to open myself up much more.

  297.  #297Daria on October 9, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    To add, if there is a natural space, and you are curious about something, then ask. But Do Not ask to pick up the slack in a convo, ie. Because the silence feels uncomfortable to you.

    Getting comfortable with the silence is Ssssoooo important. And you dont Have to ask anything… But do try … To tap into your wondering curiosity. It is a sweet , so lovable part of me that feels like caresses of shimmer colorbutterfly wings kissing my cheeks

    Consciously, not like an attack of the giant moths horror stories – that would be like anxiety lol

  298.  #298Lola on October 9, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    I went for a drink last night with a friend who is getting married next weekend. she met him on an internet dating website and I remember their first date because I babysat her daughter. she came back and said ‘no’, a disaster – he was totally boring, talked endlessly about his son and work and she didn’t find him attractive at all. A year later he got in touch with her again and asked if she had found anyone and would she like to try a second date. She did. 3 years (and 1 baby boy) later they are getting married and they adore each other!
    It just shows how attraction can take a bit of time to emerge.

  299.  #299Lola on October 9, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    Wow! actually that makes me feel a lot better about my newly single status, because I’ve been looking around and not finding men very attractive (even though I work with loads). I feel more hope today that there are possibilities that I am not even noticing. I hope this optimism lasts and i am not in flood of tears again tomorrow. Hmmmmm

  300.  #300Lola on October 9, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    There’s this guy at work who likes me and sometimes I feel quite attracted to him and other times i feel “ughh” and notice things I don’t like, I like him one minute but not the next. I feel fickle…

  301.  #301Lola on October 9, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    I’m trying not to be nostalgic about my ex and I have written down all the things that have happened with him that have made me feel bad and it filled an A4 sheet and now i am adding things on the back. I feel suspicious that I don’t feel my heart breaking this weekend, I am scared the pain will jump out at me all of a sudden and wash me away….

  302.  #302Turtle Girl on October 9, 2010 at 1:17 pm


    Hi sweetie-
    something about your posts just jumped out at me-I had this gut feeling I need to mention this to you.
    Did you know that craving alcohol can actually be a food allergy? It’s the sugar or the yeast or the barley malt, hops, etc. that it is made with. If someone is allergic to any of those things, it will be hard to control any kind of drinking, and one must stop it all together for maximum health.

    If you can see a ND (naturepathic doc) and maybe get allergy tested? Maybe this does not apply to you but I have researched this stuff for years. Too much for this post. Just for your information sweetie. xxoo

  303.  #303Nikita on October 9, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    Re 161# thx for reminding me…… I feel all Lady Godiva now 😉

  304.  #304Daria on October 9, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    Turtle girl – thank you! And I have no allergies, to anything besides chemical detergent and soap irritating my skin slightly… Yay

    Also, I no longer have the can’t stop problem.

    Shoot I can barely start lol.

    Alcohol is a non factor for me,

    But well when I have gotten drunk, it’s the being drunk … And the alcohol induced feeling of Thirst, that kept me drinking…

    As well as the attempt to maintain the confidence and euphoria

    And that – confidence – is what I don’t need it for anymore.

    I am more intrigued now by feeling my feelings, and playing with my energy, I call in goddesses

    And I use alcohol as a fun relax celebrate worship drink.

    Not as a way to show the boys that I’m the bravest and the best out of us. Yes that’s what my young mine used it for, and why I wanted to drink so much.


    But yes, alcohol is like a liquid starchy paste, or a fruit paste, a sugar drink hehe. I love the cute side of alcohol. I have no resentment, ok I still feel angry over Some things,

    But I am now so healed of this that , it just doesn’t come up for me. I only have, like, a beer. Even last time I got drunk, taking tequila shots, etc.. I wasn’t craving alcohol.


    Ps thank you for caring about me!

    I felt a lil tense, a lilinheard about – it’s healed for me. And I want to reassure everyone that for me, it really is.

    Means it can be for anyone.

    Feeling my feelings, loving myself even when feeling awkward, acupuncture, and eft. Helped.

  305.  #305Daria on October 9, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    Ohhh and something else that triggered me hehe – I refuse to be allergic to stuff. Lol.

    I don’t want to be allergic to stuff, and therefore choose not to. The main way I do this is by babystepping into stuff that may have tasted / felt uncomfortable. And yet that I think may be good, and others say they enjoy. Especially if I am drawn to the thing… I seek to understand… “what is In this sensing”

    I have done it a lot with people in my life, and food. If it scared me… Or it was thought scary… A Babysteps is only as big as I want it. It may just be reading about it…


    Hmm. I was a wise lil child in many ways.. And wild in my trust in goodness.

    Your comment has put in motion something inside me

    thank you for bringing up the food allergy subject… I can feel my energetic gears turning… Some cool understanding is coming… Thank you thank you

  306.  #306BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 2:00 pm

    #270 Renee

    I think you are so right!! The men can sense I am not interested, and eeerrr I’m not really, see I was doing the RR way of replying to men that weren’t “repulsive” but who I really wasn’t interested in……..and I don’t think I can do that….plus like you say on the one date I did have well he went on and on and on about his job and I was trying sooo hard not to steer the conversation to another subject and you know just thinking about it, I don’t believe he even asked me where I worked or what my job was!!

    And the guy who phoned on Tuesday (paid dating site, cost him $10 to contact me) who was supposed to call back……well I DO know what went wrong there, and sorry if any Aussies are reading this, but I don’t really want to live here and would prefer to live in England, but I can’t, long story……and I probably let this be known in my 20 minute conversation with him now I have gone over in my mind what was said, and I would say that put him off me, as it makes people here very defensive…very!!!

  307.  #307Daria on October 9, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    Some drinking tips : mixing drinks, especially dark and light Does get you drunker. Drinking beer after a different type of alcohol can Reaaly amplify this

    Having a lime , and really sucking it, with a drink is a great way to cut hangover issues, and also remain more alert. Having salt makes strong drinks more palatable Cuts the “bite”

    If too drunk, and craving more drink, have HOT WATER with LEMON. Bars will have got water, they must squeeze the lemon generously. This will somewhat revive a drunk and quell the “bahtenda anatha pls” anxiety completely.

    Keep having hot water w lemon if the glass is small. This also helps prevent hangovers, or oversugaring issues – yeast etc.

    Try the hot water lemon trick on your drunk friends. You will have to insist they drink it, till finally their glimmery consciousness reemerges and they say, wow thank you, you know I do feel better. Hehe

  308.  #308Renee on October 9, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    Well, things continue to go fairly well with my “recovery”…I still think about Blondie and the plans we had made for this fall (like going to a haunted house and tailgating at the game today) and I do have a strong urge to contact him to explain about the depression angle, but I am sitting on my hands for the time being.

    I’m now wondering how much of my attachment to him is actually because of him and how much is my attachment to having had a “real” relationship where I was courted and fussed over, etc. Being honest with myself, I know both factors are in play here, but I don’t know which thing I’m grieving more — the man or being someone’s “special someone”.

    Still looking forward to my date with the dr tonight…he seems to have a great personality, though his “look” isn’t the typical look I go for…but I’m trying to remain open as I wasn’t initially attracted to Blondie either and eventually found him to be quite good looking.

    I’ve received several other emails today — 2 from men who’ve been in contact w/me previously but dropped off the face of the earth…I guess God’s trying to fill my “dating contacts” quota for me today to help make me feel better. Thank you, God! One of the emails was from a man who’s looking to purchase the type of goods I sell, so I’ve given him my phone number even though I suspect we’re probably not a match…hoping I can transition that one to a business relationship…any advice on how to do that?

    Thanks again, ladies, for all your support over the past few days…it has really meant a lot to me.

  309.  #309BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    #278 Ella

    “I have carpet burn on my knees and a bruised back! Sex injuries! Lol, I am a naught teenager!”

    Ha ha ha!! Sooo long since I had carpet burn I had even forgotten the term 😀

    You sound like you are having quite the adventures and taking this RR on board really fast, I wish I just “got” it like some of you do, I keep forgetting!!

  310.  #310BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Ooops that should have been Ella #280

  311.  #311Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    I’m exploring the okcupid set up and I want to take a look at Plenty of Fish and some others…

    Quicky question:

    Different usernames/details for each dating site or the same? What do people usually do, or pro & con?



  312.  #312Renee on October 9, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    SLV — I would prefer to have the same username from site to site and the same general details, though I wouldn’t copy the text of your narrative verbatim. People do often use more than one dating site and you certainly wouldn’t want to have any of your general info to be different from site to site, though writing a slightly different description for each site may help someone glean a better feel for who you really are if you mix up the narratives some. What do you think?

  313.  #313BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    #292 Amy F

    Yes I know what you mean, its not like I am totally depressed or anything over the lack of attractive men I am able toattract, its just like such old, old unattractive men and then the half decent ones, who aren’t even all that anyway don’t phone back or call me Aunty, or want me to call THEM first or well you know whatever……..I am just sooo over it…..I will just give myself a rest for maybe this weekend then reopen it….

    #285 RTC and #290 Lizzie

    Thanks ladies, its good to know its just not me that gets like this once in a while.

  314.  #314BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    #298 Lola

    Wow I like that story, it gives one hope for dating sites 😀

    I do know 3 couples personally who all met on dating sites and are now married, all in their 30’s…..

  315.  #315Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    @312: Renee
    “…People do often use more than one dating site and you certainly wouldn’t want to have any of your general info to be different from site to site, though writing a slightly different description for each site…
    What do you think?”

    I scarcely know what to think. The last time I went on a “date-date” was about 25 years ago, at least I don’t remember any since then, mid 80s, and no online dating; there were personal ads but I’ve never used those.

    So, if I were “PinkCarnation” at one site I should be “PinkCarnation” at all of them? I suppose that’s OK. I was thinking more of slightly different descriptions according to the site instead of using one and duplicating it for each site. But I wanted to see what the usual deal is.

    Did you ever have the same guy contact you at more than one site? Would that be likely to happen, hard to picture these things…I know after I learn enough I’ll be following my own way, what works for me.

    Thanks for your help. It’s good to have role models like you, Renee. I’m also recognizing a lot about myself by reading the experiences of the other sirens.


  316.  #316Nikita on October 9, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    I know a couple married from online site…cross cultural too 🙂

  317.  #317Renee on October 9, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    SLV — It’s not unusual for a guy to see you on more than one site…heck, if we’re on one site, you know they are too!

    The dr I’m going out with tonight, for example, was matched with me on both eHarmony and Match, so apparently at least the computer thinks we’d make a great match, lol.

    I agree about varying your description of yourself based on the general “feel” for each site, and I see nothing wrong with using the same username on each one either…besides, I think it’s kind of a pain to come up with unused new usernames at all the sites, don’t you?

    Barb — I know it sounds like I’m always on the online dating bandwagon, but I’ve had months where I hid my profile because I was just so sick of getting replies from old, toothless truck drivers! lol. It really is cyclical — I like the advice to just put it on there and kind of forget about it until you get contacted…that’s what I’m doing these days and I feel a lot more “sireny” than when I was the one doing all the searching (and hoping the guy would look to see that I looked at his profile).

  318.  #318Nikita on October 9, 2010 at 3:07 pm


    I keep a similar name for sites….or I did. I notice men do it too. I like it because it makes it easier to remember and when you are test driving different sites and drop one it is possible for a man to find you on the new site if he’s looking. I’m not always open to being found but I do have a few abandoned profiles ….. And I like the idea of building a brand; me 🙂
    I vote for keeping the same name….if you like the name 😉

  319.  #319Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2010 at 3:14 pm


    @317: Renee

    “The dr I’m going out with tonight, for example, was matched with me on both eHarmony and Match, so apparently at least the computer thinks we’d make a great match, lol.”

    Joking aside, this match IS rather exciting! Please, please, please don’t dump him if you don’t feel an initial “spark” or “click!” I don’t think you will because you are “in recovery” although you seem to be bouncing back very quickly.

    Repeat, this is VERY exciting. I wish you all the best. Repeating again, I’m very excited for you. Gosh, I’m honored to witness this.


  320.  #320BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    #317 Renee

    Ha ha, oh yes the old toothless truck drivers, I get them all the time and you know in real life there is NO WAY they would even dare to approach you in a pub or something LOL!!

    I don’t do the looking first anymore either, you know look at his profile and hopes that he sees you looked and then contacts you 🙂 No more will I ever do that one again….

    And I think your advise to SLV is really good, I have different names on my two sites, but I have my same Lizzie profile, same photos too, and yes there are some men on both sites just like I am. I was on quite a few years back but it really was full of Nigerian scammers, not too sure about it now. I might look into that e Harmony site again where it matches you on personality. I was on that one too a few years back but this was before online dating was everyday and acceptable and there were very few men in my age group on there.

    I remember the very first time I put myself out there on a dating site, OMG I was soooo nervous and felt sooo exposed and vulnerable. And I started stressing what if anybody I know sees me? What if somebody from WORK sees me? And I only told 1 or 2 friends because it was like this kind of “desperate” thing to do, now of course it is totally acceptable and people talk about it openly.

    When I was in that long gone feeling of worrying about being on the site, I thought well hang on if anybody does see me on there from work say, well that means they are single too and are looking like I am and if they are married they are not going to say anything because they shouldn’t be on there in the first place, sooo case closed. 🙂

  321.  #321BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 3:16 pm

    Oh and yes Renee, I forgot to say, GOOD LUCK with the date tonight with the Doctor, he who knows, like Rori says, “Prepare to be surprised!!” Maybe in a few weeks you will be saying Blondie who’s he??

  322.  #322Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2010 at 3:24 pm


    @318: Nikita says:

    “I keep a similar name for sites….or I did. I notice men do it too. I like it because it makes it easier to remember and when you are test driving different sites and drop one it is possible for a man to find you on the new site if he’s looking. ”

    Good idea! The name is OK for now; it took me a half hour to find one that wasn’t taken! I kind of like it but we’ll see. It might not be the final one.

    I’m doing a whole lot of “research” and “location scouting” before I even get to the “pre-launch.” 🙂

    I might have a few abandonned profiles along the way too…


  323.  #323Brenda on October 9, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    Hey! I’m having a busy, fun weekend! I talked on the phone to a new CD, who I will call Gentle Man! And the Cougar is at it again! He’s 30! And I love it! He melted me with his soft voice and sweet words! I love it! He really sounds like my kind of man!

  324.  #324Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2010 at 3:33 pm


    @320: BarbinOz says:

    “I don’t do the looking first anymore either, you know look at his profile and hopes that he sees you looked and then contacts you No more will I ever do that one again….”

    Uh-oh, I had a notion that would be helpful. I’ll pass now. Did you have any bad thing happen because of it, or was it a bad feeling if it didn’t get contacts? Or the initial contacts weren’t as good that way?


  325.  #325BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    #322 SLV

    Oh I have loads of abandoned profiles on the dating sites from over the years LOL!! I have sometimes made up new hotmail accounts to receive emails too so I don’t have to give out my everyday email address to all and sundry…… may want to do that too?

    Trouble is even if I were to find these old abandoned profiles I probably couldn’t remember the passwords and of course I am not that person who is in the profiles anymore anyway. 😀

    I am now a Goddess/Diva/Siren something I struggle with every day as I have never felt that way about myself…….but I hear you ladies….baby steps, baby steps….. the shift is very slow coming but at least I know now I am on the right path……

    Funny enough now when I am watching my fave TV soapie and there is something going on between a couple and the woman is crying and begging him to stay, or the woman is trying to control things say by TELLING him she wants to go out with him and TELLING him when, where and how I talk to the TV………nnooooo you are leaning forward Eileen towards Owen, don’t do that you are supposed to be a Siren, or noooooo Natasha, don’t beg and cry and plead over Nick, there are loads more men out there, just put him on the back of your horse and ride on out of there ha ha!!

  326.  #326BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    #324 SLV

    Oh no nothing bad ever happened, well of course if they didn’t contact me after my looking at the profile didn’t exactly make ME feel good, but I am a very sensitive type 🙂

    Nooo SLV I have seen the ladies on this site, SOMEWHERE saying it is a no no, it as classed as leaning forward……………….at least I think this is correct, maybe one of the wise Sirens will enlighten us as I am fairly new here……

  327.  #327BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    #296 and #297 Daria

    Thanks for these tips about the conversations, I do find it HARD to keep myself in check with the talking thing…….

  328.  #328BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    #323 Brenda

    Hey!!! Sounds like you are having fun, not bad considering you were only going on the dating site to weed out the scammers LOL!!

    How did your interview go?

  329.  #329Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    @292: Amy F. says:

    “I feel your pain. I too have my own online dating woes. Men who are really old and who I am not attracted to find me. I do not have the number of men contacting me I expected. ”

    They don’t want to contact women their own age or older like me. I saw ad today on CL, man was 55 but looking for 22 to 35-year old women. He would probably be after you! 😆 He wants a a 22-year old. Heehee.


  330.  #330Brenda on October 9, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    My interview at the domestic violence shelter short, only 15 min, but positive. I am well qualified, and she said she has one other applicant and will probably call me next week for an interview with the CEO. It would be far less money than I’m earning. I look to God as my Source of supply. But I need to be sure my bills are covered, because I’m barely making it as it is.

    I also sent my resume to a unique elementary school designed for mostly African-American children. My friend works there, and I stopped by to pick her up after my interview, since it was in the same town. I met the principle’s wife, and we had a fantastic talk that amounted to a job interview! So it’s like I had two interviews the same afternoon! I would feel really good operating in my feminine to take either job, but I just need to see to it that my financial needs are provided for. And God may do that thru starting a business, which I am also pursuing, which would also contribute to my POP!



  331.  #331BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    #330 Brenda

    Oh well done and good for you!! Wouldn’t it be fantastic if you were offered BOTH jobs and you get to CHOOSE!!! 🙂

  332.  #332Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    @325: BarbinOz:

    I’m planning to create an e-mail account with online dating username.

    I thought looking at the guy’s description page or whatever it’s called would be same or similar to the five-second gaze but better because he wouldn’t say “what the Hell are you looking at, crazy ole woman?” or something like that. 😳 I’m sensitive too.


  333.  #333Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    Hi Brenda,

    I don’t know where you are located but for non-profit job opening resources have you tried the idealist org? It’s international but I just saw 6,000 jobs and 99,000 organizations. It’s professional organization not job agency.


  334.  #334Brenda on October 9, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    I can’t believe it…my craigslist posting was flagged and removed. There was absolutely no reason. I am sure someone was just being mean.

  335.  #335Miss Mercedes on October 9, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    I’m so excited girls I just had to tell you! I’ve been working really, really hard and saving like mad for a diamond right hand independence ring and I did it! I picked it out today!!! I don’t get it until Thursday because it needed to be resized, but…I’m soooo happy and proud of myself for accomplishing this!

    If you want to see a picture, I posted it on my blog!

    Happy, happy day!

    Much Love,

  336.  #336Brenda on October 9, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    Senior Lady Vibe,

    Awesome! Thank you! I’ll check it out!

  337.  #337Miss Mercedes on October 9, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    For the first time ever here, my comment went into moderation…how did that happen??


    Much Love,

  338.  #338Mercedes on October 9, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    LOL…I accidently posted as “Miss Mercedes” instead of “Mercedes”…I have a comment in moderation…


    I’m a dork!

    Happy news from me on the way!

    Much Love,

  339.  #339Lola on October 9, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    That is fantastic news but what is your POP if you don’t mind me asking?

  340.  #340Girl on October 9, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    My skin looks horrible and I feel soooo icky!! I feel like I want to hide away till it heals, but as long as I’m home, I’m way more likely to pick!! But this isn’t the usual “situation.” Usually, I pick at invisible clogged pores and sometimes a couple will get infected, so I have a spot or two that I feel bad about, and some areas that feel wounded. But right now, I have probably 8 or nine huge welts that are filled with POISON!!! I think it may be from when i got a facial a couple of weeks ago – one spot seemed to get infected, and then cause I failed to leave it alone, the grossness spread all over my face. Ugggghh. I feel proud of myself for going to shoot guns today in spite of it. And I went to a dance class for the Swing Dance Team I just joined. YAY!!! I learned so much, and I had seriously considered missing it so that I could hide my poor face!!!! An ex wants to see me tonight, and I want to hide. One of my students wants to hang out, but I want to hide.

  341.  #341Girl on October 9, 2010 at 5:18 pm

    On a separate note, I told D that I’m not feeling this relationship lately. That I don’t feel very concerned with trying to “fix” things, cause I’m busy and I’d rather feel good. Although, after feeling lots of pressure in the form of passive aggression (like when he said “Well, sorry for bothering you. I’ll let you go.” And I said. “Okay, that’s fine then.” He said “That’s fine then?” I said “Yeah, I don’t like that passive aggressive stuff, so yeah maybe it would be best if you let me go.”)
    He likes to get in touch with me periodically throughout the day to give affirmations of love and to share about how we feel and what we’re up to. And I would prefer to hear from him when he has something interesting and relevant to say. And I think this is a deal breaker!

  342.  #342Girl on October 9, 2010 at 5:22 pm

    I guess the main problem is that I don’t care. I just don’t. He’s all pissed off, and I don’t care. I was just thinking about not getting in a wreck. And then I felt pissed off that Mr.So-Concerned-About-the-The-Relationship is so EFFING out of touch with what I actually need. I feel angry!!! I want a man who turns me ON!!!

  343.  #343Girl on October 9, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    Oh my gosh, the idea of being single makes me want to have sex. I feel turned on like I haven’t been for the last 4 1/2 months!!!

  344.  #344Senior Lady Vibe on October 9, 2010 at 5:46 pm


    You’re welcome. I hope you get the offer that is best for you.


  345.  #345Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 5:46 pm

    Sirens (and gentlemen if you feel so compelled),

    I’ve been talking to this guy on one of my dating sites for a couple of months now. Some of you may remember, so for reasons I’m not going to get into here, I’ve not been able to get out and meet anyone since mid-June. But the weather is finally cooperating, so… He made plans for us to meet last weekend, but I got sick so postponed. I finally gave him my # but told him I wasn’t feeling well so was probably going to bed. He called & I was resting so didn’t answer. So he left a msg & then sent me an email on the dating site. I responded to the email later & missed another call. Got another email. By now, I’m having some warning bells starting to chime in, so in my next email, I told him I would call him when I feel better.

    So he responded that it will be hard to wait, but he will acquiesce to my needs & wait. I was going to call him last night, but was still feeling really tired, so just went to bed early. This morning, I woke up to an email from him that said, “???” Just that. So I felt a little annoyed, but wrote back using feeling messages & told him that I’m still not feeling well, & only got 2 hrs of sleep Tuesday night. So I’m resting. And that I think my health needs to be priority right now, and I’m going to rest this weekend.

    Within the hour, he called me. I missed the call because I was resting & about an hour later I got notification that I have another email from him. Geez. I’m feeling a little smothered already & I haven’t even met the guy.

    What I’m discovering through this (and another similar situation earlier this week) is that contrary to what I’ve been thinking, I actually have very good, strong boundaries, I just haven’t been very soft and feminine in the way I express them. So I’ve been working at being feminine & soft & I’ve not been sticking to my boundaries very well. So today, it hits me like a bolt of lightning… I don’t need to establish boundaries – I need to stick with the ones I have, I just need to express them in feeling messages.

    I really don’t even want to meet this guy now. I feel smothered, stifled, and pressured. I already told him I felt pressured earlier today &…now I feel more pressured, cornered, unheard. I find that I want to come out fighting when I feel cornered like this. This is a huge trigger for me.

    So, what are your thoughts? I don’t want to be mean, but I’m really, truly turned off by the whole overwhelm. I’m still being stalked by the last CD who wouldn’t give me my space. I used feeling messages with him. But he continued to disregard my feelings & I continued to withdraw. Ultimately, he ended it which was quite relieving, but here it is over a month later & he still does the drive-bys. And I’ve had some problems with tires that are a little too ironic for my peace of mind (I had old tires & was having problems keeping air in them while I was with him, but have since gotten new ones. I’m still having low tire issues, but only on the tires on the street side of the vehicle). So I know this may be totally unrelated to this new guy, but it’s still raising warning flags.

    So I’m wondering, do I just nip this one before it develops into an issue, or do I need to go another round to learn some deeper lesson? Or do I just gently tell him I don’t want to see someone who doesn’t respect my boundaries & if I run into another guy like this, I’ll explore it for deeper meaning. I feel comfortable with that.

  346.  #346Honey on October 9, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    Sweetpea –

    I don’t know what you should do, but what you wrote made me think about how often I have done to a guy what this guy has done to you. Ick. Too intrusive. Maybe I don’t do it until after a few dates, but if I’m into a guy, watch out. I’m in hot pursuit. But hopefully no more.

    Is this guy feeling like the stalker guy? If so, aren’t you already having an opportunity to learn the deeper lesson? What does your intuition tell you?

  347.  #347Honey on October 9, 2010 at 6:23 pm


    Barb –

    I hear you. I recently saw the play, Miss Siagon. I was thinking, you idiot! Don’t kill yourself over some guy! Take the money, make a life for your son yourself, and go to another country if you must.

  348.  #348Lizzie on October 9, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    oh dear….I got a really nice “I like you” note from the guy I dated yesterday. sigh. Why oh Why???? anyway, I on purpose decided not to use feeling messages in my message back to him. We shall see, he wants to take me to a movie. He is a nice guy, I will give him a chance.

    Then there is a fireman! he is a young’un – 38. Hmmmm he wants to know if I have any interest in younger men….what do ya’all think?? I have to re-check, he might be too far away…

  349.  #349Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 6:40 pm


    Lol! I have had so many opportunities lately to understand how I must have made men feel in the past. The best I can do with that is to treat them with more courtesy and kindness than I was treated. I.e. Responding to the email with feeling messages rather than just blow them off until they get the message. It is ironic for me though. And doesn’t feel that good to think about.

    As far as the rest of it, other than the fact that stalker guy didn’t start it until after we’d met, yes. He is reminding me of stalker guy. So…thank you for the feedback. I’m not sure if it’s my intuition speaking to me or fear (a common conundrum for me). But one stalker is enough for any girl I think, so maybe I shouldn’t take the chance.

    Funny. I feel like one just can’t make me happy. :e either doesn’t want to see me enough, or he’s painting me into a corner. Geez! I guess I’m doing a lot better with not feeling like he’s involved enough since I started Cd’ing though. Yay! Baby steps!

  350.  #350Lizzie on October 9, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    I wonder Sweetpea…if the guy wasn’t so needy, would you have met him?

  351.  #351Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 6:55 pm


    The neediness is a big trigger for me, but more than that, it’s the fact that he’s just not hearing me. I feel like I need to beat him over the head with a stick (verbally of course) to get him to understand what I’m saying. Although I’ve been quite clear about where I’m at.

    Also, he started talking about what he wants in a marriage which wigs me out a little since we hadn’t communicated by anything other than email at that point. Minus the neediness, yes. I probably would have met him, but his idea of marriage sounds pretty needy too and I think we have some religious differences. So I guess it’s a build-up of things.

  352.  #352Amy F. on October 9, 2010 at 6:58 pm

    #313 Barb,

    Yes – talking a little rest is good. I have a ton of men reading my profile and not contacting me. I changed some things, so it’s all about experimenting.
    Let me know what you decide and good luck. I will keep you posted on my end.

  353.  #353Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    Btw Lizzie, I read your post on another blog. You have quite a way with words. (Read your story, too – about the sign). Good stuff.

  354.  #354Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    I finally read the email potential stalker guy sent to me and… I feel annoyed. I feel reprimanded. I don’t like being reprimanded. What I would like is help with a feeling message. I started to send him one and decided I should formulate a good one before I do. Here is the email:

    Hi, how are you? I understand that you are sick and that you have problems. I do have patience, but I like people to do what they say they will do, and I would like to talk to you on the phone so that you can have a better judgement and idea of who I am. I am not one of these guys who is looking for a one night stand. We can start off as friends and see if it goes to higher levels.

    Well, I am hoping you are feeling better today, and will you please call me when you get time.


    This may not irritate me so much tomorrow, so I’ll just sit here with these feelings for now.

    What I wanted to say to him is: well, my brain is going in circles right now. What I really want to do is tell him, “No thank you. I won’t call you. I feel uncomfortable with this whole situation. I have kept in touch and kept you updated on my situation. I feel irritated and unheard by the repeat phone calls and emails.” That’s as tame as I can make it right now.

    Any suggestions? Should I just go ahead and tell him I no longer want to meet him, that I feel turned off by his emails today? Help!

    Good news… I’m meeting a different guy Monday night. He seems really fun! I talked to another cd Thursday night. We had a really good conversation. I felt safe with him and opened up a lot more than I usually do. Very good vibe. I’ve got another guy (10 years younger) I’ve been chatting with. He’s really sweet. Then there’s the ultimate hunk at work. He’s yummy & makes me feel so safe, comfortable and genuine. He has a gf – but I can still date him. Feels weird right now – sort of – I’ve been out w/ him once and I’m getting more comfortable with the fact that he’s not married, so he’s available. Struggling with it some, and would love to know why Rori says it’s ok, but she’s right about everything else, so…I’m taking her word on it. Oh…and there’s another cutie (11 years younger) who’s a definite candidate. I think that’s enough, and I can drop this guy & stick with the ones who make me feel good about myself.

  355.  #355Daria on October 9, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    Girl – guess what! the guy that was dating me, who had last said “ohhh, why didn’t you call me and tell me you were sick” and who in the past did some passive agressive stuff,

    called me like 2 times the day before, but no message, so i haven’t returned his call…

    and he hasn’t called yesterday or today at all

    wow!! did he just self select himself out?

    i dono but i feel excited

    i don’t want to feel pressured… i want to feel romanced!!!

  356.  #356Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    Amen Daria! “I don’t want to feel pressured. I want to feel romanced!”

  357.  #357Daria on October 9, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    Sweetpea –

    truthfully, it sounds like a normal pursuit that a man would make

    the only exception is the “???” i would feel annoyed with that part too…

    however… taking over a day to return a phonecall – that a man asked to be returned – is not something I would do (unless I were very sick)

    I can’t quite put my finger on it here,

    but I would also feel defensive about “people that do what they say they would”

    as in… so what if i didn’t return your call… you can call me again, and find out whats going on with me, i want to be Romanced… here…

    feeling message?

    hi… im feeling a lil overwhelmed with the intensity of this… i feel kind of defensive… I don’t want to feel pressured… I still feel open to talking to you on the phone… what do you think?

  358.  #358Simply Shannon on October 9, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    Girl, I swear you and I are twin sisters. It feels almost creepy when you write because it’s the same stuff I deal with, like you’re in my head writing my story. It also feels very good to not be alone in my thoughts.

    I did the same thing with Mr. Fab Kisser. I stopped caring so much if we had a relationship. I actually think that’s a good thing. It means I’m on my bridge. A part of me wondered if it was my intimacy wall but I’m choosing to believe it’s my inner diva down selecting men who don’t really qualify. Like my brain just goes bored with the whole idea.

    And what is it with men who talk, talk, talk about themselves or “the relationship” and yet don’t seem all that interested in ME? Hello. I’m a person over here. Recently I sent Mr. Fab Kisser an email about this AMAZING miracle that happened in my life and he replied that he didn’t want to hear about the happenings in my life. It felt distracting to him. REALLY? My personal life is distracting for you? LOL! Alrighty then. Not everything awesome in my life is about you buddy.


  359.  #359Daria on October 9, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    oooh… pop in an “I want to feel Romanced”!! in there!! yeah!!!

  360.  #360Girl on October 9, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    Oh my gosh, there’s this guy, Nefti, that I absolutely love. mmm I love love love him. Mmmmmm…. I haven’t seen him in 2 or 3 YEARS!!! But I still lust after him. love lust love lust love lust – I feel uncertain about whether they are the same thing…

  361.  #361Simply Shannon on October 9, 2010 at 8:55 pm

    Sweetpea, I feel a little worried advicing you to stay open to this guy given you already have a stalker. Maybe the universe sent you this guy to practice saying “no”? Maybe that’s the lesson? Just to say “I’m feeling overwhelmed and defensive and unheard. I appreciate the conversation we’ve been having all these months but I don’t feel open to talking right now.”

    I can see how if I’m the guy and I’ve called, I’d be feeling upset that you didn’t call back. And he’s calling again which on the one hand feels good but too much feels bad. Conundrum for sure.

    You sound open and light about the other guys you’re talking to, so why sweat this one? Why even consider him as an option? Maybe you are invested more than you think?

  362.  #362Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 8:58 pm

    Daria, I absolutely love your feeling messages. I don’t feel open to talking to him on the phone though. the first two times he called me my phone was off bc I was sick. I had told him I was sick & not wanting to talk. He also sent a text late the second night wondering if I wanted to meet for coffee? Coffee? At 11:00? When I have a temp, sore throat, headache, need sleep? Was he listening at all? Do you want to bring me chicken noodle soup?

    Does it really sound normal to you? The first couple of calls, texts, emails felt sort of sweet. Now it just feels annoying!

  363.  #363Jacqueline on October 9, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    Hi, everyone – Shannon, Daria, Honey, Barb.

    Sweetpea, it feels to me like you haven’t been clear enough on your boundaries with him – and he’s for some reason really persistent. Hey! it’s online dating – you don’t want to talk you just don’t answer the phone – but at this point it sounds like he’s making you feel worse. So how about, I’ve decided to take a break from looking on line, if it changes I’ll let you know? Put the ball back in your court. It’s great to have someone pursuing….but it can be overwhelming. And you have other choices…I dunno, it might feel kind of stalkerish to me too, because it’s odd he’s still pursuing? for someone who’s never met you….whatever, someone reminded me recently that we’re doing this for US- it’s not your job to make him feel better by doing whatever it is he’s pushing on you. IF he’s sincere, he’ll be around in another month – but with a reaction like you have; I doubt you’ll care!

    and hey!!! It was very nice to see you around the block on ahem….my “other” blog. Grin…really made my day just to see your sweet sweetpea name! Thank you for your support!


  364.  #364Renee on October 9, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    Well, girls, my 1st cd since Blondie was ok, but I really missed Blondie. I know a lot of that is just that he’s what I’m used to, but the other part of it is that the dr. is a pretty bad nerd (yes, this is a label, but it’s the main word that pops up when I think of him, lol). I mean, at the restaurant, he ordered a mojito and he grabbed the stem of the glass w/his whole fist…I just couldn’t help myself and let out a smarta$$ remark “Think you’ve got a strong enough grip on that glass? It might fly away?” and then I made it worse by laughing at myself, but it just looked so dumb, like the Beverly Hillbillies at a white tablecloth restaurant, you know?

    Anyway — I softened up during the rest of the date and really tried to remain open to him, but it was hard. I let him pick up all the silences, and he did for the most part, but I just didn’t find him attractive. He has a runner’s body (long and lanky) and while may women find that attractive, that doesn’t really work for me. I was proud of the fact that I had been honest with him about things just ending with Blondie 2 days prior, so I said I thought the date went well for my first date post-mini-relationship and he seemed to accept that as a small victory.

    I managed to preempt a good night kiss with a “can I have a hug?” question, and that was that. I think I showed just enough interest that he’d probably going to ask me out again, but I just don’t know if I can do it…I guess it’s an accomplishment, though, that I remained as open and feminine as I did, given that I really just wanted to talk about Blondie all night…I guess this will pass in time…

    I have a tentative date w/a COO tomorrow night, but he’s already warned me (we have yet to talk on the phone) that he has a strong TN accent, and I suspect I will have a hard time getting past that. But he needs to buy what I sell, so I’m really hoping to nurture a business relationship with him. Wonder how I can make that happen without him feeling like I’m using him?

    I also have a tentative date for drinks Wed night w/a guy who wrote me a while back and just popped back up recently on Match. What do you think about the men who write to you a while, stop writing, and then pop back up? I have mixed feelings…I mean, if they met someone else, I can understand that I guess, but it would have been nice if they’d do what I did, which was write the people who were asking me out and tell them I was involved in relationship. Oh well — I can’t make men follow my code of behavior now, can I?

    Hope all you wonderful women are having a blast tonight and hope we all meet some wondeful new men this week!

  365.  #365Jennifer on October 9, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    ok, contacting some guys online.
    Doing ok.
    Went to visit B’s sister tonight. She invited me for thanksgiving. She’s so sweet.
    We were talking about her boys. They have a behavioural consultant now.
    Funny thing………the consulant says the same things now that I was saying four years ago about thier behaviour.
    When I said it B’s mother basically called me a bully and said I was an idiot.
    So, to clarify……..driving to her house and punching her out………bad?

  366.  #366Jacqueline on October 9, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    oh, and yall….I hardly ever talk good about my guy…not sure why? But today was cute – we were eating and Denny’s had messed up my order and they were playing weird David Bowie music and making my head pound and so he boxed up the rest of his fish and chips (fries) and we headed off to Walmart to pick up my prescription. And he’s suddenly chowing down – and I”m like what’s that about? And he says, oh, I just eat slow cuz I like to sit and look at you.

    Too cute….but good thing we were on the road by then, or I might not have appreciated it at all! heee…..


  367.  #367diamond in the rough on October 9, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    feel like there is all this dark energy trying to suck me further and further into darkness. im trying to fight it and look out for signs from God but a i feel so so alone. i feel like im so far away from my loved ones. i feeel so lost and i also feel like a failure. i feel like the person that i am is not good enough for anything. but i know that i am strong and mighty and with God’s Will i can fight for my happiness. i will have a home. a job and money. i will FIGHT for me and my baby girl. i feel sooooooo sick with dread. i feel im strong enough to fight.

  368.  #368Renee on October 9, 2010 at 9:16 pm

    SS — I feel really about about Fab Kisser’s reply to your wonderful news. Who on earth replies like that to someone they have an ounce of feeling for? I would definitely take that personally and take him off my list unless/until he stepped up like crazy and wooed the he** out of you.

    Sweatpea — I totally get what you’re saying about this guy. You tell him you’re sick and don’t want to talk and he calls anyway and asks you for coffee? At 11pm no less? He’s not hearing you at all, it seems…I think I’d just stop all communication w/him. It seems to me you’ve given him plenty of chances to respect your boundaries and he’s proven time and again that he wants what he wants, regardless of what you want. Doesn’t that pretty much sum it up?

  369.  #369Renee on October 9, 2010 at 9:17 pm

    SS — That should be, “I feel really ‘bad’ about Fab Kisser’s reply…too tired to be typing, apparently. 🙁

  370.  #370Jacqueline on October 9, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    Renee – oooh, I feel for you! and BRAVA!!!!! good for you – once this kind of cheap guy took me to a really nice restaurant and ordered the cheapest thing on the menu – an $8.00 hamburger – so I HAD to order one, too….and I mentioned later how I’d of like the special but wasn’t sure about his budget – and he gets all crazy and yells Why don’t you just call me a cheap S-O——B! Um, well, yeah, I’d of rather gone cheap at Taco Bell, not at a white napkin – ha cloth napkin, dusky green…bistro!!!

    I don’t know girls – I DO know we all need a way to find the good ones.

    Kimberly – blog interview girl who is drop dead gorgeous said she went out with some guy who had a virtual assistant emailing her – and then I read the same in this month’s Marie Claire – one step forward, two steps back huh?!!!

    So, the yeller? He was ALL about how HOTT I was. and it was second date…uhhuh….well, I know know from Jonathon et al just what HOTT meant. Ugh, for an $8.00 hamburger? ARGH>>>>

    makes my guy look really good again. And sometimes I get so seduced by what might be out there…ya know.

    Renee – you know I think this is all about blondie – but I also think it’s a really good experience in that you opened up your criteria and List to include maybe stuff that you didn’t even know you wanted.

    Jason and I have both written about the “list” – we were talking about it last nite…

    I like the universe to deliver my meals and my men to me…



  371.  #371Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    Simply Shannon,
    Hey! Nice to hear from you. I don’t think it’s that I’m more invested, I understand why he’s feeling frustrated and I’m looking for a different perspective because I’m feeling incredibly annoyed right now.

    I need a little hand-holding to enforce my boundaries I guess. Maybe a combination of yours & Daria’s…”hi… I’m feeling overwhelmed with the intensity of this. I feel defensive and unheard. I don’t want to feel pressured, I want to feel romanced. I appreciate the conversation we’ve been having all these months but I don’t feel open to talking right now. What do you think?”

  372.  #372Renee on October 9, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    Barb and SLV — I was under the impression that merely looking at a guy’s profile was basically the equivelent of the 5-second gaze, so no harm in doing that if you want. I just got tired of searching around to find profiles I felt like reviewing and now I just sit back and let them search for me…but I don’t think it’s technically “leaning forward” to just look at his profile.

  373.  #373Jacqueline on October 9, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    Shannon, I have kind of trained myself not to get into your business, but I noticed we’re interacting more now too….so I totally second Renee; and you are too fine and too beautiful for him! so there…

    and I hope you feel better….and believe the universe is gonna do better, too!!


  374.  #374Jacqueline on October 9, 2010 at 9:22 pm

    Sweetpea – I’m gonna shut up now, but if you tell him you want to be romanced…doubt he’s going to give you space??!!


  375.  #375Daria on October 9, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    Sweetpea – I feel unsure… yeah coffee at 11, ok, yeah no that would feel like a turnoff…

    and so you don’t want to ever talk to him at all, even on the phone?

    in that case, I no longer answer

  376.  #376Daria on October 9, 2010 at 9:26 pm

    Sweetpea – he may not have known u were sick the second night though, i mean he hadn’t heard from you for a whole day

    I was just sick in bed for 2 days, so i had the EXACT same dilemma

    one guy texted and called, then i picked up and im like i feel so sick i really just want to lay down, it’s cool to call tomorrow

    then i get a text saying, ohh if you dont want to talk to me just let me know

    im like umm i feel angyr i dont need to lie to you

    hes like ok well im sick too im just saying im making time to talk to u u know

    i jsut stopped answering

    hes been calling and texting me, “when are you gonna answer me”

    but i feel uninterested right now

    maybe when he turns me on again (in a… i feel comfortable to talk to u now way)

  377.  #377Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 9:28 pm


    Lol! And then there’s that. Ok, so I’ll save that one for someone I want to romance me. Like yummy hunky work guy. Hey, I liked what I read earlier. Wasn’t sure my comment went through though. Glad it did.

    Thanks for: we’re doing this for US- it’s not your job to make him feel better by doing whatever it is he’s pushing on you. IF he’s sincere, he’ll be around in another month – but with a reaction like you have; I doubt you’ll care! That makes a lot of sense.

    And… Thanks for the feedback. If you have more to say to me…please, I welcome it.

  378.  #378Jacqueline on October 9, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    And I have one last OMGosh I’m such a unforgettable woman story….my ex husband from 1993…texted me twice then called me (he knows he’s on rationing….cuz to him we’re still best friends, or one might say – he never fell out of love with me?!) and tells me they’re tearing down the hotel where we had our honeymoon, and shouldn’t I go get a brick? ROFL….it was cute, romantic, kind of doofy….and having learned just a little BIT of Rori Raye….I said that would be lovely – why don’t you go and get two of them and save me one?

    I want to get more comfortable sharing this kind of stuff with you all – and I’m afraid I’ll be heard as bragging, but that’s not it. I want to figure out what it IS that I do to be unforgettable, and how to talk and write about it. It’s what Rori and I were talking about….and although I can write about a lot of things, this? I don’t know how to even explain it.

    So, yall, please support me in learning how to find my voice regarding feminine allure…..

    Thank you all and everyone, have sweetest dreams!


  379.  #379Daria on October 9, 2010 at 9:29 pm

    right right now for example he just texted “HELLO?”

    I got this from Rori – a step back is never a bad option

    so i don’t answer until something inspires me to

    and Hello is not doing it…

    this is good for him too, he can practice and learn what will get a woman to respond

    (all i would have to say is… umm i feel turned off… and i’ve already said that)

  380.  #380Siena on October 9, 2010 at 9:30 pm

    Lorelei, re 265… I don’t know how he’s gonna figure it out, but when he does, I’ll post here! Maybe if he wants me up where he lives, he can send a driver (hehe), or at least have something wonderful waiting for me… Who knows!? Ah, the adventures of dating!

  381.  #381Jacqueline on October 9, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    Hey, Sweetpea –

    I believe we do have to remember that in a lot of cases they’re like opened and returned products if they’re middle aged – which might not be bad, maybe they weren’t a good fit? But it might also mean they’re damaged…..I met a LOT of men who were hostile and doing the same thing Jonathon told me women do – showing up with a wall of hostility and their last 100 bad dates with them, or their divorces…

    I think the being able to do as you please thing is one of the whole points of the online dating game – and believe me they sure as hell do – as they please that is.

    Let someone else “fix” him.. because the only compass we have is our gut feeling. And so, if you’re annoyed, you’re annoyed. Maybe you’d be annoyed by anyone….but right now you’re annoyed by him. So bye bye to him and when you feel better – NEXT. Someone else will be there to fill the room.

    To me – and hey, you do sound like you need some rest and no pressures, and I hope you get it. If you have to respond, the response is no; if he’ll let you rest, who knows? But wow what if he were in your house not letting you rest! Bummer!! red flag…smile…so you take care of yourself, ‘kay…

    and everyone……Take care ….g’nite,

  382.  #382Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 9:36 pm


    Thank you for responding. I missed the history on Blondie, but I read about the break up. So sorry he treated you that way. Congrats on getting right back out there. I wish for quick & easy healing for you.

    Yes. What you say pretty much sums it up.

    Daria – you crack me up! No I really don’t want to talk to him anymore. He did know I was sick the second day because I had emailed him. I didn’t want to talk bc I had a sore throat.

    Ironic that you’re going through a similar situation. Let me know how that goes. Maybe I should just ignore him unless he figures it out too. Thanks for your help!

  383.  #383Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    Jennifer, lol! Yes. Driving to her house and punching her out would be bad. Fun maybe. Satisfying for a minute, sure. But bad. Very, very bad. 🙂

  384.  #384Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 10:08 pm

    Ok, I think perhaps I was clear enough this time. Thanks for all of your feedback. Here’s what I said:

    I’m feeling overwhelmed with the intensity of this. I feel defensive and unheard. I don’t want to feel pressured. I appreciate the conversation we’ve been having all these months but I don’t feel open to talking right now. Please don’t call or text me anymore.

    I hope that will be clear enough for him. I still had a hard time not beating him over the head verbally. Times like this I feel like going caveman energy. The last sentence feels slightly bashing to me, but I wanted to make sure he understood this time. With the help of siren island, I’ll get it right, I’m sure.

    Thanks Ladies!

  385.  #385BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    #350 Amy F.

    Have you heard anymore from Baseball guy?

  386.  #386Daria on October 9, 2010 at 10:11 pm

    2. While you’re in conversation with him about
    that something – notice the tone in your voice.

    See if you could label it yourself as the sound
    of a “complaint.”

    If you CAN hear it as a complaint, ask yourself
    what you’re feeling and what you’re thinking.

    Ask yourself the BIG question – who has the
    Power here?

    If your voice sounds to you like a “complaint”
    or a “whine,” most likely you’re feeling that HE
    has the Power.


    3. Imagine that YOU have the Power.

    Imagine that he is only there in your life to
    make YOU HAPPY.

    Imagine that you are merely giving him an
    opportunity to make you happy.

    hmm… im noticing that i’m still feeling a lil angry from that time i felt attacked…

    i really respect you and its really important to me that i hear what you have to say to me

    and it feels awful and i shut down when i feel attacked. i dont want to do that…

    it would feel better to feel encouraged and supported in a gentle way

    what do you think?

  387.  #387BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 10:13 pm

    #345 Honey YES YES YES

    Isn’t it funny how we have shifted our vibes. Before when the woman was crying and pleading with him not to leave her (been there done that got the t-shirt or two) I would be soooo sympathising with her and hoping he would suddenly change his mind and tell her he loves her until eternity, now I just see this whole scenario from such a different perspective I am amazed at myself for how I have changed inside in just a few short weeks…..

  388.  #388Daria on October 9, 2010 at 10:13 pm

    im still feeling a lil disconnected since that time i felt attacked…

    and its really important to me that i hear what you say to me

    and it feels awful to feel defensive or attacked, and i feel shut down and not able to hear your love and wisdom…

    and i dont want that… what do you think?

  389.  #389Tina on October 9, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    I went on my date tonight, he talked about his ex and pass dates on dating site. I told him Im not feeling comfortable talking about pass dates eek! I think he asked me when was my last relationship, I said I feel uncomfortable talkign about that too. For the most part the date went ok, he was mostly in his masculine, feeding me and stuff asking if I was happy with this or that. we held hands, he asked if he could come in , I said no I feel ok with men coming into my home. he owns a few businesss and plays guitar , we have that in common, I like to sing. he said just before I left the car, I’ll be in touch, what does that mean lol. I feel luke warm about our date tonight. I have a date tuesday, im excited about that 🙂

  390.  #390Daria on October 9, 2010 at 10:17 pm

    Sweetpea – pretty good, but i agree that the last sentence was … directive

    men have this awesome ability of making us happy,

    the mantra is BE SURPRISED

    I think if you just said teh first part, he may have found an instant way to make you smile, and FEEL open

    i’ve had this happen – miraculously – it seemed, enough times that I know it’s quite likely

    they will simply adjust the behavior “on a dime” as Rori says… when they get what we require

    so for next time, i would NOT push him away

    the universe is watching

    Be surprised

  391.  #391BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    #362 Renee

    Well good for you for getting back on the horse and riding off along your path, well done 🙂

    Had to laugh at nerdy man with mojito glass and his big hand around the stem, I hope he didn’t wipe his mouth on the tablecloth ha ha!!

    OK so you have me now, WTH is a COO??? I have figured out TN is Tenessee, so does than mean he has a kind of hillbilly accent? Gulp……I find that really hard to understand but then again I am a limey LOL!!

  392.  #392Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 10:25 pm

    Daria – ahh yes. The directive. Oops. At least I didn’t use “you.” Baby steps. I have to say, at this point I would definitely feel surprised if he could turn things around. He can still email me – if he wants. But I really hope he doesn’t want to. I left that open, in case he’s capable of surprising me.

  393.  #393Daria on October 9, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    yay Sweetpea – it’s the attitude that counts! I’m excited because to my surprise, Rori’s e-letter has a tool that is mega helping me now in how to use my interaction with my dad to have a better relationship with him and the world!

  394.  #394Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    I don’t feel so pressured by the emails for some reason. The emails an hour after a phone call, I feel pressured by. But the emails alone don’t feel demanding. That’s the word…demanding. Needy I can deal with. To an extent.

  395.  #395BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 10:29 pm


    SS I REALLY don’t like that Mr Fab Kisser was so dismissive of something that felt to you like a miracle……even if he didn’t feel the same way he didn’t have to be so damned rude….if he doesn’t care about the happenings in your life then he doesn’t care about you…..distracting? Ha!

  396.  #396BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    #369 Renee

    Thanks for that, looks like I was wrong again….LOL!! Soooo much to learn……..

  397.  #397Sweetpea on October 9, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    Yay Daria!!! I feel excited for you! Yayayay!!!

  398.  #398Daria on October 9, 2010 at 10:41 pm

    im still feeling a little disconnected since that last time we talked and i felt attacked…

    i respect you very much and i want to be able to hear you and benefit from what you say to me

    and i feel really awful when i feel blamed and attacked, and i feel scared and i shut down…

    im not able to feel your love and protection and im not able to clearly hear important things that you say that may help me

    and i dont want that, and i dont want to feel unsure with you or be afraid of telling you how i feel, like we are on different sides…

    what do you think we could do?


    Daddy! I feel scared!

    I want to talk to you about this, and right now i feel afraid and blocked and im not able to hear you…

    i would feel so much better to talk about this later when i dont feel so scared

    Shut door and lock it.

  399.  #399Daria on October 9, 2010 at 10:43 pm

    about looking at profiles – Rori advises: DON’T

    lean back and let men contact you, don’t look at them… or anything, even if they Don’t know you’re looking…

    your job is not to search out the men, but to share your feelings with the ones that seek out YOU

  400.  #400Daria on October 9, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    I want to talk to you about anything you want to talk about


    ohhh this is gonna help me enormously

    i feel so excited!!

    yay for babysteps!

    yay for anger prone dads who threaten and yell and put down


    yay for transformation through boundaries and open feeling communication

  401.  #401Renee on October 9, 2010 at 10:57 pm

    Barb — a COO is a Chief Operating Officer…sometimes the 2nd in command from the CEO (Chief Executive Officer). I forget that sometimes that not everyone here knows the same slang and acronyms, lol.

    Yah — I’m thinking TN accent = hick accent, and I just don’t think I can deal with that. But I could really use the sale if I could manage to get his business…it seems like the universe is bringing me some of the things I need lately (like a new client today — yay!) and that’s what this seems like, I just don’t know how to handle that.

    No, my date from tonight didn’t wipe his mouth with the tablecloth, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if he did, lol. I don’t know if I could overlook the death grip on his mojito even if he had been my type, so that may be the nail in his coffin, lol.

  402.  #402BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 11:05 pm

    #396 Daria

    YAY!! I knew I had seen that somewhere on these pages – woohooo maybe I am one baby step nearer to getting all this stuff 🙂

  403.  #403Daria on October 9, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    whats so amazing is as i find my words, and ways to take care of myself…

    my anger towards my dad (or person in general in other situation) just melts

    and i feel open to them, and haven’t even Said anything to them!

    just a lil earlier, i wanted to bring it up with my dad, that i still felt disconnected from him,

    but NOW I DONT!

    i feel loving, and happy and open and understanding

    yeah i was judging, that yelling, threatening, putting people down is just Such Awful behavior –

    but that is NOT real, or helpful

    it just IS

    and it felt bad to ME

    and he probably learned this way, and was taught this way himself, and etc…

    and he may even think its helpful,

    and it Doesn’t matter

    because what’s important is how i FEEL and taking care of me

    and not controlling whether or not my dad does a certain behavior towards me again,

    but rather, taking GOOD care of myself in ANy situation, including a situation where i feel threatedn and attacked by my dad!

    oh wow

    i feel so blisssy fulll mmmmm


  404.  #404BarbinOz on October 9, 2010 at 11:11 pm

    #398 Renee

    Isn’t if funny how the smallest things can be a turn off when we are on a date and obviously that is a 2 way street, we do or say unknown things that are turnoffs for men.

    I remember back in my past dating days years ago, in fact he was my first online date ever… I met this guy for a coffee, well I had one and he ordered a Coke and was drinking it through a straw, now why this should be a turn off for me I have no idea…..I wasn’t interested in him anyway but THAT was the nail in the coffin and I was telling my daughter and her then bf was there and he said “What is wrong with the guy drinking from a straw, oh I know Barb you want the kind of guy who would crush the can with his hand” LOL!! He knew me too well, well maybe not the caveman type but a little more macho than Mr Strawman 😀 I had forgotten all about him until now……

  405.  #405Daria on October 9, 2010 at 11:12 pm

    i must remember, that every person who initiates interaction with me, is here to MAKE ME HAPPY

    and THAT – in the best way –

    and speak from that place


    wow … to do this with uncooperative sales people.. etc… wow

    that would make life feel so GOOD

    even if they said no, i would feel like ok, they did their best to please me


    i want that!

    i choose that!

    i allow and ask the Angels to help me!

    help me Angels to have that, fast and easy!!! THANK YOUUU

    and in a beautiful feel good way!

  406.  #406Daria on October 9, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    Barb – i feel amused… maybe this will help?

    it helped me…

    Rori told us, at one point, to not focus on those things a man does, or looks, or little things we don’t like about him…

    but rather HOW WE FEEL ABOUT OURSELVES when we are with him

    and do i feel like HE’s GIVING TO ME? or TAKING from me? in the moments we are noticing

    so yes, straw sipping, may feel triggering, and may trigger us to judgement, that’s ok, let teh judgment go

    because every time we judge him we judge ourselves

    go Deeper… to the feelings…

    go out the head thinking… oh lord hes drinking from the strwa

    to the feeling…

    (its even possible to share for extra siren credit…

    wow… I saw you drinking from the straw… and … i feel weird saying this… i felt kinda judgemental… hehe… i don’t know why that felt weird… and i don’t want to judge you… )


    keep the focus on that, not his flaws!


    because, once we “fall” those flaws will melt away like honey… and all we’ll see is the divine masculine in a man

    and if they nag you, again, go to the feeling… how do i FEEL? what’s triggering me? how can i best express my feeling in this moment,

    to this strong man creature, who is here JUST TO MAKE ME HAPPY, trusting that he will do what he can best do to make me happy



    and i’ve found myself openning to more and more men…

    that i would’ve ON SIGHT rejected before

    just select/reject them on their Behavior towards you, and particularly how you feel about YOURSELF in their presence, and out of their presence


    it makes a world of difference in OPENING the vibe

    (and then the hunky ones will smell the open vibe from miles away)

  407.  #407Girl on October 9, 2010 at 11:51 pm

    Simply Shannon…cool to know that we’re on similar pages. I feel empowered hearing your confidence that you are on your bridge. I too was wondering whether my own defenses were interfering, but nonetheless, I just don’t feel interested.

  408.  #408Daria on October 9, 2010 at 11:56 pm

    HELLO! i seem to have HEARD MYSELF!

    I am now feeling open and in the process of contacting the backlog of men that I previously didn’t… because they were a lil too far off my usual

    i’m giving them a chance!

    it’s NOT about how they look style, come off to me at first…

    its about how i feel about MYSELF around them…


  409.  #409Daria on October 9, 2010 at 11:56 pm

    i mean the backlog of men who had contacted me online that i never answered

  410.  #410BarbinOz on October 10, 2010 at 12:05 am

    #403 Daria

    You are SOO wise – I wish I had of had half of your knowledge when I was your age, would have saved myself YEARS of pain, still at least I know now!!

    and #406

    I have put POF on hold….for now…..that is the site that I was triggered most by and have re-opened the paid site, yes Barb is open for business again LOL!! AND Daria I just cleared the backlog of men on there too and I do feel better for that thank you for the reminder 🙂

  411.  #411Daria on October 10, 2010 at 12:19 am

    wow Barb! what a strikingly beautiful Avatar drawing

  412.  #412Daria on October 10, 2010 at 12:21 am

    and thank you… i feel honored!

    you know, i think it works synnergistically,

    all this wisdom learning from Rori, and other places,

    and combining with the wisdom I (we) have before,

    and it combines to new much more and deeper stuff

    nothing good is lost!

    like combining flour, with eggs, milk and butter…

    and baking it — COOKIES!!

    (not just messy watery flour-egg-milk-butter mush)

  413.  #413Lorelei on October 10, 2010 at 1:30 am

    Hi everyone (and @RetailTherapyCathy #289.

    Well – my Salsa party was interesting. All good. Getting served at the bar – no problem, Cathy – because it wasn’t so overcrowded, and the bartender was a woman!!!!

    It’s such early days for me. I can dance the basics quite well, but nothing fancy. I feel rather apologetic when someone asks me to dance, because he’s almost certainly a better dancer – this is true, at the classes and party – not just me being modest.

    I notice that I tended to say something like “I should warn you, I’ve only had 6 lessons” (with a big smile) as we start dancing. But this could be a bit off-putting? I guess I should convert this into a feeling message. What’s underneath it is that I’m afraid they will be disappointed, or that I’ll annoy them, or that I’ll be criticised. . . and sometimes I can’t follow their lead . . but hey. . . . But it does often bring out their patience, and their willingness to help me learn a new step, which is another kind of lead, I suppose.

    I had a great time, and had enough offers to dance and I feel happy that my emerging Siren skills got some practice. And dancing just puts me into my body, out of my head, and I feel fun, happy, gorgeous, smiley, soft, invitational, celebrational and sexy when I dance.

    And I love following!!!!! It makes me feel so full of joy, I promise myself, I am never going to stop dancing, ever again. At least for as long as I can stand up. I stopped, during my marriage. And part of me died. Well that part of me has come alive again (oh, tears of joy, now), and I love this version of me.

  414.  #414Lorelei on October 10, 2010 at 1:43 am

    More about online dating . . am having a nice and funny/humorous exchange which the man who said that my pet hate of gooseberries could be a dealbreaker.

    I feel discouraged that so many men’s profiles give very little to go on, and are very bland and often incomplete. But I feel happy that I’m having email CD’ing conversations with 4 or 5 men, ranging from mild to high interest, and have now learnt to spot the scammers at 20 paces.

    I love Evan Marc Katz’s website tip of finding the one thing in a bland profile that sounds unique, quirky or individual, or something you know nothing about. And then riffing with it, as humorously as possible, in a way that’s so over the top that they won’t miss that I’m joking. (If they miss this then, Houston, we have a problem.) I put in feeling messages as well, but the humour feels flirty and fun, and seeeeeems, so far, to stop things turing into just interviews about pets and jobs and favourite films.

  415.  #415Daria on October 10, 2010 at 2:04 am

    Tinque – Inspired by your wonderful help,

    and by an agressive man tonite… hehe…

    “i dont mind getting to know you sexually… but i like to take it a lil bit slower and see how foreplay feels and how safe i feel…


    i want to see how it feels when you go down on me… i love that… i want to see how aroused i get and how in tune you get with my body… and let my body get used to your attention”

  416.  #416Daria on October 10, 2010 at 2:12 am

    and the short version i now made:

    hehe… for those times you just gotta slap it on them!

    lol i feel delighted!!

    i dont mind getting to know you sexually… but i like to take it a lil bit slower and see how foreplay feels… how it feels when you go down on me… and how safe i feel

  417.  #417Daria on October 10, 2010 at 2:37 am

    yay Lorelei! good for you for sticking your feet in the Ocean of LOVE!!

    I personally like to move my pursuitors offline and onto the phone right away, after the first couple hellos how are you…

    i dont want to have actual Conversations on line…

    “hi… i don’t really want to talk online… i feel curious to hear your voice… im at 555 5555”

    and then in the first phonecall, let them know that i feel interested in meeting people… not just talking on the phone… (single and ready to mingle ! lol)

    and Not open to having many phone conversations with men i will not be meeting anytime soon

    because Rori says NOTHING is really happening until the first MEETING.

    and what we want is to get face to face with a man

    a busy siren like us doesn’t have time for back and forth e-mails and many extended phone calls

    and that the goal of online dating, is to..well.. MEET!

    (it’s not really dating until theres a meeting lol… its just ummm… pre-dating?… not what would happen if i met a man in the market, for example… )

    In that first call I can screen if they scare me and such, and if not… im OPEN!

    That way i meet lots of men for in person CD’s, quickly…

    there’s always time to get to know each other from there…

    (and if i didn’t like him, well, at least i didn’t like him IN PERSON – i got a true to life proper feel for the man)

  418.  #418Lorelei on October 10, 2010 at 2:58 am

    Hi Daria – don’t you ever sleep?!?!

    Thanks again for the tips – and will give them all my number soon. I just feel more comfortable if I have a couple of emails first . .

    Am taking note of your posts just above that, so when I might happen to need them . . . in the future . .!!

  419.  #419Daria on October 10, 2010 at 3:18 am

    Lorelei – lol! use them wisely Jedi Goddess

    may the Surrender Force be with you lol

  420.  #420Daria on October 10, 2010 at 3:23 am

    i’m feelin super excited cuz i read this guy’s profile and i felt SOO AMUSED!!!

    ina good way!!

    and then there was MORE== about his values… that i’m like wow!!

    and i’m like please don’t be ugly please don’t be ugly lol

    and he is SOO HANDSOME

    im like WHAO omg


    so i had to keep looking at the pics and some of them he didn’t look AS handsome in and I was actually like

    ok.. phew! he’s human!

    which shows me that i have a belief i want to chage that super handsome men with impeccable fashion sense and powerful self-confidence are going to have too many women to zero in on me properly

    and that’s just not TRUE

    i would like to heal this!

    thank you!!!

  421.  #421Daria on October 10, 2010 at 3:25 am

    i should say i read his profile because he friended me…
    AND added a note of interest with his friending…


  422.  #422Senior Lady Vibe on October 10, 2010 at 4:00 am


    @369: Renee says:

    “Barb and SLV — I was under the impression that merely looking at a guy’s profile was basically the equivelent of the 5-second gaze, so no harm in doing that if you want.”

    Renee, that was my first take on it too; however, I’ve learned from Barb and I believe “unresponsiveness” might not feel too good. So…when I’m ready, maybe I could “split test” — try it with a few guys and see how it goes.


    Oops. Here’s another RR point-of-view:

    @396: Daria says: “about looking at profiles – Rori advises: DON’T
    lean back and let men contact you, don’t look at them… or anything, even if they Don’t know you’re looking…
    your job is not to search out the men, but to share your feelings with the ones that seek out YOU”

    Hmmm, this makes sense too. I see I have a lot of learning and testing to do. And discovering how this all plays out in my age group.

    Thanks, sirens.


  423.  #423BarbinOz on October 10, 2010 at 4:00 am

    #410 Lorelei

    Do you go the dance classes by yourself or with a girlfriend? About 3 years ago I did go to some Salsa classes, about 10 of them, with my gf but she has moved away now and I really don’t have anybody round here to go with. I think I would like to do dancing again……mmmmm….thanks Lorelei for the reminder….

  424.  #424Senior Lady Vibe on October 10, 2010 at 4:05 am

    406: Daria says: “…i mean the backlog of men who had contacted me online that i never answered…”

    Hi Daria:
    How long can you keep guys on “backlog”, you know “back burner” them. Not that I expect a huge backlog once I get started. But on the other hand, one never knows…best to be prepared. 😆


  425.  #425BarbinOz on October 10, 2010 at 4:06 am

    Daria #403

    Thank you for your reminders to me, I didn’t want to appear mean and trivial about the straw guy and of course then I didn’t know how dating was supposed to be all about how he makes ME feel, not about him…..


    “Borrowed” off the Internet, I like to pretend this is the colour of my eyes, though they are not quite this lovely 🙂

    #409 well thanks for your great recipes, its only cookies for me from now on, no more slushy messes or CRUMBS!!

    Funny tonight I was reading some OLD posts from December 2009 I think it was and the only people I recognised on there were you and Simply Shannon….does this mean all those who have dropped off have found Mr Right? I would LOVE to read a thread about all the happy ever stories……they did the RR thing and now they are living a life of bliss kinda thing would be oh so good and positive to read. 😀

  426.  #426BarbinOz on October 10, 2010 at 4:10 am

    #411 Lorelei

    Funny you should mention that tip about the profile with stuff you know very little about, at the moment I am kinda gently flirting/emailing a guy who is a FARMER and a GRAZIER!!!! Whooooaaaa I am a city girl, so this is something I know nothing about……..

    Yes and Lorelei now you know can’t you just SPOT those damned scammers at first sight…..gggrrrrr

  427.  #427BarbinOz on October 10, 2010 at 4:18 am

    #421 SLV

    You will get the most when you first join up, because you are the new kid on the block, then it dies down I have found, some weeks you may get nobody (boo hoo) then you seem to get a glut all at once…of course if you are 25 with the body and looks of a movie star you will probably get 500 hits a day……..this has NOT been my experience thus far LOL!!

  428.  #428Senior Lady Vibe on October 10, 2010 at 4:20 am


    @407: BarbinOz says: “I have put POF on hold….for now…..that is the site that I was triggered most by…”

    Ohhhhh, what’s wrong with POF? I was going to explore it today, just for advance scouting “lay of the land” info… 😥


  429.  #429BarbinOz on October 10, 2010 at 4:31 am

    #425 SLV

    I don’t know what it is about that site?? Maybe because it is free, you seem to get a lot of time wasters…..guys who email back and forth sometimes for months (!!) at a time….then again that was probably down to me as well because I participated in that too, but now like Daria says I am trying to move quickly into meeting….maybe some of them are married….because they seem to shy away from actually meeting, or maybe this is just my experience and what I am attracting………for now…….you probably didn’t see but about 4 weeks ago I got up the nerve to give 3 of them my cell phone number…took some guts as I was determined to do this CD’ing thing and not one of them rang me!! Yet beforehand they were happy to email back and forth……one of them for about 4 months!!! I wish I knew the emoticon for the raised eyebrow face ha ha!!

  430.  #430BarbinOz on October 10, 2010 at 4:40 am

    But hey give it a try SLV, I think you are in the USA ?? You have a bigger population so therefore more choice 🙂 Now for me here in Sydney I tried that Craigslist the other night but OMG that was like a porn/deviant site……

    I thought of e Harmony but not sure if I like the thought of a “computer” TELLING me who is my match, that seems a bit closed off and shut down to me, what about free will and opposites attract? And I don’t think just anybody can contact you, just the ones that “it” has matched you with.

    On that paid dating site I am on (RSVP) the person doing the contacting has to pay a stamp ($9.95) to contact you, and of course I have no stamps because I am not contacting men first…..well their “computer” matches you too, sends you and him an email and tells you that you are matched…..I don’t know what their matching criteria is based on but so far it has been way off the mark………….puzzled emoticon needed 🙂

  431.  #431Senior Lady Vibe on October 10, 2010 at 5:08 am

    @426: BarbinOz says: “…about 4 weeks ago I got up the nerve to give 3 of them my cell phone number…took some guts as I was determined to do this CD’ing thing and not one of them rang me!! Yet beforehand they were happy to email back and forth……one of them for about 4 months!!! I wish I knew the emoticon for the raised eyebrow face ha ha!!”

    Men! If they didn’t take you up on the phone call, did they continue to e-mail? Give any reasons for not phoning? That would make me crazy!

    I don’t know emoticon for raised eyebrow but here is one for rolling eyes. : roll : without spaces for ==> 🙄

    @427: BarbinOz says: “… I tried that Craigslist the other night but OMG that was like a porn/deviant site……”

    I live in large U.S. city, plenty of CL ads. Yes, sometimes CL looks like “pen island” if you get my drift… 😆

    But among those there are endearing ads, like little oases, maybe they are fake? Gee, I hope not… I read one tonight in Toronto CL — “I Am Just A Poor Boy – 59” – (Toronto) Sat 09 Oct. It was fun reading it; go take a look. 😀

    I’m “self dating” and getting to know me and maybe develop me a little more and have fun, fun, fun. I don’t think I’ll have ads etc until 2011. I’m learning a lot.

    BTW, what is it with “scammers?” A few posts have mention “scammers.” What do they do in the world of online dating? Does anyone have any “scammer” stories?


  432.  #432Ankita on October 10, 2010 at 5:25 am

    Hello Sirens

    Just 12 days ago, my guy stopped talking to me all of a sudden, I don’t know what happened to him, all of a sudden, he deleted me from FB, Orkut and didn’t take my calls nor replied to my msg when I asked what’s wrong. (I didn’t stalk him, though thankfully). All I could remember is a petty fight over some other guys I sent req. to as a friend. I also suspected one of his friend to have crush n him, but didn’t say him anything, and when he got to know that I had talked to that gal’s guy, he got so enraged, like he would have blown me up had I been there in front of him. Then I ended up on a positive note, saying him love you and req. him to say the same, he did and then smothered me with kisses.
    2 nights after that night, just 2 hours ago we talked, this guy was mad for me, and within 1 hour don’t know what struck him, he took this step. We totally behaved as a couple in love, and then all of a sudden in 1 hour, bam…!!! That night after deleting me, he also did compliment a girl on her pic that she looked really cute in that pic, who he knows I hate, and he had stopped commenting on her pics just bcoz i didn’t liked him to compliment praise-hungry girls.
    It’s 12 days and I am mad like hell, wanna get him back at all costs, don’t even know if it’s a petty fight or a break-up from his side. I am not contacting him at all now, as he can whenever he is willing to, but inside I feel like throwing myself at him. I appear so calm to all, but am roaming around like a spirit, not wanting to eat, drink and sleep. Feel like a volcano. 🙁
    I don’t think am reasonable right now, but am trying to be reasonable.
    Man, I want him to come back to me.. 🙁

    1 week ago, I sent him a message on a positive note too, “I am sorry if I did something that did hurt you, but I never meant to do so. I am willing to talk to you if you wish. I wish things went differently, but if you feel that’s the best thing to do at the moment then I won’t stop you. Thanks- it felt really great when we were together. Love, Ankita”

    And then, nothing from my side, i deleted his no.
    And I don’t intend to contact him too, after all I am worthy enough to be chased. I did all I could. The night he stopped talking to me and blocked me, I called him 4 times, only to get ignored, and msged twice. Then I called him on sunday and sent the above message on monday. Then, nothing from my side too.

    After all, I can’t run after any guy who is showing me attitude just bcoz I befriended some other guys. Man, I was just talking to them, not running away with them.

  433.  #433Ankita on October 10, 2010 at 5:31 am

    I can’t believe HE did all that.

    He’s the same guy who left his exam to make my day special on my bday, 8th sept, just barely one month ago. On 8th sept and even on 25th sept., he was mad for me, and then what did strike him on 28th sept.??? damn….

    He’s the same guy who bought shirts and suits when he got to know that I like guys in them.

    I just want him to come back to me, crawling on his knees, I want him to realize that he did the biggest mistake of his life by treating me this way over perhaps the-petty-fight.

    Do all guys return atleast once after such happenings (fights or break-ups, I clearly don’t know what it’s, as we didn’t talk yet…)? I wonder…….

  434.  #434Ankita on October 10, 2010 at 5:39 am

    I want to feel good, but am not being able to feel good anyway.

    I can’t believe that the guy who had a soul connection with me, who’d knew i was upset even before he heard my voice, who’d I know was pulling away in his mind from me that evening even when we hadn’t talked and everything seemed to be normal…

    He never had to tell me how is he, nor ever I had to. We just knew it about the other one. We just “got” each other.
    How is it possible that his heart isn’t melting right now for me?
    He knows how I am…
    How can he be this cruel???
    I am the same girl for who he did try anything which would make me happy, and now, what happened to him…????
    He couldn’t tolerate tear in my eyes or upset in my nerves,a nd now it doesn’t even bothers him to see how am I doing….????? Its 12 days, man….. We didn’t talk for 12 days…..
    I am so puzzled….. so confused………

  435.  #435BarbinOz on October 10, 2010 at 5:40 am

    #428 SLV

    You can say pen*s here I am pretty sure, but I just put an asterix just in case – I have done it with f*ck once, and I did do a J*sus post a while ago but I think that is still in moderation!! I will check out Toronto CL guy in a min….

    Oh yes the scammers……I have written a lengthy post on it somewhere here, they get me sooo angry……….. they are professionals and work out of call centres in Nigeria and other African countries……they have a specific MO and use it to lure in lonely and vulnerable women who fall into their trap, to the tune of lots of $$$$$$ for some. Remember how we all used to get those emails, there is a million dollars in a bank account waiting for you if you will only give us your bank details, and a few hundred bucks will secure your millions…blah blah blah…..signed by some USA government official etc….well they made a LOT of money that way, I saw a doco on the TV one day, UNBELIEVABLE like this cool slick setup of professional scammers in a call centre with headsets on and all and there were BOXES and BOXES of letters where people had written to them with MONEY as they expected to get this windfall, and the doco guys talked to the victims and they admitted they were driven by sheer greed, what is a coupla hundred $$$ when you can get your mitts on millions…………

    Well what has happened is these guys have bled that one dry, so now they have turned to lonely hearts……they pretend to be WASP SOLDIERS yes our guys serving in Afghanistan and Iraq and that is how they sucker women in……….I will try and find the website I came across……so SLV remember if you get an email from a guy who is a soldier, calling you sweetheart, darling angel, love of my life, wanting you to be the mother of his children and his wife……..he is a scammer……… there is an MO they operate by, first off they need you to buy them a phone for them because they are cut off out there fighting for you (not true, our guys do have phone access) remember this is business to these guys……and you as a woman will probably feel sorry for them, because hey that is our guys out there fighting for us!!

    My daughter’s friend is a lovely girl but hey she is a bit ditzy to be honest……well she was suckered in by one of these guys who professed his undying everlasting love……she was on her way to get $20,000.00 out of the bank to give him!!! My daughter J. and her boyfriend I. went around to her place to stop her and I. had to take her (shake her) by the shoulders and tell her to get a grip……NO MAN that has never met you calls you darling angel baby sweetie darling love of my life I want to marry you and be with you forever and lets live for the rest of our lives in wedded bliss……baby sweetcakes!!

    Any man in the US military has a proper military email address not a yahoo or hotmail address…….not sure about other countries but this is what I have read……it is/was a real eye opener for me……when I was on a few years back it was rife with them, some even had gold memberships…….well it is an investment isn’t it? Say $60 a month to get thousands of $$$$$$$$$ out of lonely, vulnerable women…..just looking for lurve…..

    I am off to find the website where I learnt all this stuff….

  436.  #436Ankita on October 10, 2010 at 5:42 am

    This week I have a plan to go out and meet some new guys, but I am not at all willing to do it from my heart…
    My heart is in him…..
    What has happened to him??????
    Never before had a period as long as 12 days go without us not talking…..
    Neither has he said that he wants to be with me, nor that he doesn’t wants to be with me…..
    Just silent….
    He is punishing me with his silent treatment, god knows for what….??
    Whatever I did, I met silence…..

  437.  #437BarbinOz on October 10, 2010 at 5:46 am

    This site was setup by a REAL soldier because he was soooo pissed off at these scammers pretending to be who they are not and some even taking on the identities of REAL soldiers and in some cases even of DEAD personnel, can you believe that?? How low can you go??

  438.  #438Renee on October 10, 2010 at 5:46 am

    On the topic of giving men your phone number — I agree it’s best to move quickly to a phone call and then quickly on to a meeting, but Christian Carter advises to never volunteer your phone number…that in order to ensure a man will call you, you want to make sure the man has to actually ask for it first, ideally giving him the impression that you don’t give your phone number to everyone and he is honored to get that number.

    I kind of split the difference between the approach mentioned earlier by Daria and CC’s advice and say something like, “I think email’s a great way to establish contact with someone, but it definitely has its limitations. It would feel good to hear the sound of your voice in a live conversation as well though.”

    What I just typed is actually a little clunky…I don’t remember exactly how I’ve worded it in the past, but if they don’t ask for my number after a couple of emails, I throw out that hint and always wait to let them ask for my number. If they don’t pick up the hint, they’re obviously not trying to step up in the first place, but most of them do. As you’ve noticed, there are a few out there who are either married or just too scared to meet in the first place, so they’re unlikely to move forward with your hint.

    And when it comes to asking me out, the most I do is give the hint about a movie or something…you know — “have you seen that new movie/been to that event xyz? It might be fun to see that. What do you think?” But I usually let them take the lead there too…I just read from their actions what they’re about…if I’m open and inviting and they don’t ask me out after a couple of calls, I just put them on the back burner. I feel more sireny if I don’t feel like I’m “leading” them to call me or ask me out…if I’m doing a good enough job being the invitation, they usually ask pretty quickly, but that’s just my belief. What do you think?

  439.  #439Senior Lady Vibe on October 10, 2010 at 5:50 am

    427: BarbinOz says: “….puzzled emoticon needed ”

    Will “shock” do? : shock : without spaces = 😯 …usually… 😆


  440.  #440Senior Lady Vibe on October 10, 2010 at 5:57 am

    @432: BarbinOz says: “You can say pen*s here I am pretty sure,…”

    I know, joking: CL = pen island = penis land. 😆


  441.  #441BarbinOz on October 10, 2010 at 6:13 am

    #435 Renee

    I think you are doing AMAZINGLY well Ms Renee but are you OK?? God life is such a bitch sometimes……..why do bad things happen to good people????

  442.  #442Senior Lady Vibe on October 10, 2010 at 6:35 am

    @434: BarbinOz

    Thanks for link. I’m going out for coffee and I’ll read when I return.

    When you find time, you might find this scam artist hunter story amusing.

    Saga of a 419 Scam: or Shiver Metimbers, Father Jack’s in da howse!


  443.  #443Brenda on October 10, 2010 at 6:41 am

    ★ ☄ HAPPY 10-10-10!! ★ ☄

    I talked with Gentle Man 3X yesterday! He has high feminine energy as in talks on an emotional level with me, and I love it! He is mostly interested in getting to know my heart! So I shared one of my poems with him, “Go Ahead, Break My Heart”.

    Go Ahead, Break My Heart

    Step into my heart, see what you find
    I offer all I’ve got, so please be kind
    I open the drawbridge; here is the key
    What you are seeing now is the real me

    I make myself vulnerable; I’m fragile and tender
    Inside I’m a child, and I’m weak at the center
    I’ve stored lots of love up to give it away
    I need to be loved; what more can I say?

    I open up my heart; you hand it back in pieces
    This pain never ends; this heartache never ceases
    I slam shut the drawbridge; snatch back the key
    The trust I offered you again will never be

    I will build a wall and say forget it all

    Inside the wall of me, I am safe and secure
    You cannot reach me here; I am hidden and obscure
    I’m a self-sustaining castle; unreachable by pain
    Loneliness is my only companion; fear is my only gain

    Better to love and lose again, you see
    Than to suffer alone endlessly
    When you give away something as precious as love
    It’s never for nothing in the eyes from above

    The best things in life are free, but they cost a lot
    Things like wisdom and love can’t be bought
    Opposites go in pairs, wisdom and mistakes
    Can’t have one without the other, love and heartaches

    To say love is bliss is to say humans are flawless
    Next time I open up my heart, I’ll still be reckless and lawless
    I will pour out my love with the carefree ardor
    Of a waterfall smashing down on the rocks, like a martyr

    Step into my heart, see what you find
    I offer all I’ve got, so please be kind
    I open the drawbridge; here is the key
    What you are seeing now is the real me

    I make myself vulnerable; I’m fragile and tender
    Inside I’m a child, and I’m weak at the center
    I’ve stored lots of love up to give it away
    I need to be loved; what more can I say?

    When I got to the place about my heart breaking, I broke into tears. I wrote the poem 20 years ago, but all my pain from Ryan last year surfaced.

    I felt amazed and touched when Gentle Man instantly repeated, “I’m right here. I’m holding you.”

    It was so precious! We are going to have our first date next weekend! Have a great day, everyone!

  444.  #444Brenda on October 10, 2010 at 6:42 am

    BTW, the squares were supposed to be comets!

    And, Barb, I like your gravatar!

  445.  #445Mercedes on October 10, 2010 at 6:50 am

    Ankita: Stay strong…I’m so sorry you’re hurting. Your heart doesn’t need to be in it with these other men you are dating…that would be rushing it a bit…but please try to be open to enjoying their company. I know how much you are hurting and my heart goes out to you…

    Much Love,

  446.  #446Renee on October 10, 2010 at 8:17 am

    Barb, I’m ok I guess…still wishing I had Blondie back, but there’s really nothing I can do about it. The more I look back on our break-up conversation, the more I’m leaning towards thinking he was being very hard on me (as he admitted to being on his ex-wife — that was the primary reason for the demise of the marriage, according to him) and I just got an early taste of it. I’m working on telling myself that if we had stayed together, he would have run me down like he apparently did her, holding me to his perfectionist standards that he has, so perhaps I’m better off without him.

    But I still think of the adoring look on his face when he looked at me and how nervous he was when he decided to have “the talk” with me about my not seeing other men…it seems like something else has to have happened in the interim to trigger such a change of heart and I wish I knew what it actually was…but I guess I’ll never know.

    It’s possible, in his mind, we were too different to work out longterm and he’s looking for someone a little more like himself. I thought we made a great balance because he was more perfectionist/anal retentive and I was more laid back and when the two of us were together, we kind of balanced each other out. But I think he wants to be with someone else who’s also a perfectionist/anal retentive and whereas I slowly came around to him and came to actually like those parts of his personality that were different from mine, I think he started magnifying the differences and thinking that was a bad thing instead of thinking, “Wow — it’s so great that Renee’s more laid back. It will help balance out my perfectionist tendencies.”

    All of this is just conjecture, of course, and I don’t want to spend much of my time “guessing” as to what he really wanted. My best friend feels like he must have some real problems to go from “falling in love with me” one day to “we’re missing something” 5 days later, without any major events happening, and perhaps she’s right. I still feel sad about missing the things we were going to do this fall and missing him holding me, but I guess that will just fade in time…

    It would be nice to have a date with a really great guy this week…I’m hoping, now that I’ve learned how to be more vulnerable (one of the things I got much better at with Blondie) and that I’ve really been getting my butt in gear with work and my friendships that the real Mr. Right will show up…I’m sure he will, eventually…sigh. I’d be lying, though, if I said I wouldn’t welcome a call or email from Blondie…but I’ve been hurt before and recovered and I will recover again…I just thank God that you all are here to be there for me, distract me with your own stories and be supportive of each other in learning how to use many of Rori’s tools to the best of our ability.

  447.  #447Rori Raye on October 10, 2010 at 9:53 am

    diamond. Fight. Go to church, take classes that are free that make you feel better. And sometimes, let yourself just give up for a bit and rest…you need to recharge that way and allow the dread to just BE there…and then go back to work on and for yourself. Find a support group – there are so many – especially if you can find a Course in Miracles class near you.You are not alone. Love, Rori

  448.  #448Sweetpea on October 10, 2010 at 10:10 am


    From what you are saying about the way Blondie treated his ex-wife, he sounds borderline emotionally abusive. If I were you I would thank my lucky stars that he ended things. Sounds like he was very controlling of her and that is always (I don’t usually say always because there are exceptions to every rule, but this is not a subject I mess around with, so I’m saying it) ALWAYS a precursor to abuse of one sort or another. Perhaps he was one of these men with the strength of character to change. He sounds like he was at least aware of it which is a start. Regardless it sounds to me like a higher power was at work in this and saved you from a lot of future pain and heartache. Just my two cents. I don’t know the guy so could be wrong but your post threw a red flag straight up into my shocked and concerned face. Again, my thoughts are with you for quick and complete healing of your heartache. xxoo

  449.  #449Sweetpea on October 10, 2010 at 10:15 am

    Puzzled emoticon is a smiley face w/ a forward slash in front of it… / : )…. /:)

  450.  #450Sweetpea on October 10, 2010 at 10:15 am

    Puzzled emoticon is a smiley face w/ a forward slash in front of it… / : )…. /:)

  451.  #451Nikita on October 10, 2010 at 10:16 am


  452.  #452Sweetpea on October 10, 2010 at 10:25 am

    Well… I guess it doesn’t work on here. But try it elsewhere. It works on my phone and email.

  453.  #453Girl on October 10, 2010 at 10:35 am

    OH yes! I just realized that all I need a man for is hot sex and his sexy presence in general. And maybe to help raise kids some day. That’s it. So I need to feel safe and secure with a man I intend to have tons of sex with.

  454.  #454Renee on October 10, 2010 at 10:41 am

    Sweetpea, you may well be right. I hadn’t thought of it that way. But then again, I am just guessing as to his thoughts/feelings since he was so general in our conversation and I did end up hanging up on him.

    The truth is, although I do miss him, I’m doing quite well and that’s completely independent of a man for once, which feels good. The supplements I’m taking have been a Godsend for me and I feel like I’ve awakened from a dark dream into the sunlight.

    I don’t know how many of you have dealt with depression yourselves, but when it has you in its grip, it sucks the very spirit out of you. And I don’t mean a day or two of the blues…I’m talking months of “blahness” that was only broken up by the occasional fun date.

    I’ve gotten one new client this weekend (who has the potential of giving me 2 sales) and another meeting with a potential new client tomorrow and I feel hopeful for my work for the first time since last year.

    I actually am amazed at how well I’m doing because I was ready to give myself completely over to Blondie, but like I said, these supplements have given me such a lift and I’m so thankful for it, that my overall mood is actually quite good…moments of whistfulness, but not stuck in the depths of despair, like I would have been just last week if the same thing had happened.

    I think my nutrient-poor diet is what’s really been dragging me down, and now that I’m taking care of those deficiencies, it’s like being whole again (minus a small wedge in my heart). So if I have a moment when I’m dying to reach out to him (like I was last night, I admit), I’ll come to you ladies for support, but for me, right now, I feel like I’m finally on the right path to making my life what I want it to be. Does that make sense?

  455.  #455Sweetpea on October 10, 2010 at 10:57 am

    Yay Renee!
    What you say makes perfect sense. All of it and it warms my heart to hear how well you are doing with it. I’m not sure what kind of supplements you’re taking, but I know when I was feeling so ill last week I didn’t really eat. After a few days, when I finally felt like eating, I made myself a smoothie w/ frozen raspberries, blueberries and cherries, yogurt, protein powder & milk. It was almost as if I could feel the nutrients going straight to my cells and the fog in my head lifting with every sip. It was sooooo good. I do find that I feel the affects of a poor diet a lot more now than I did in my 20s. Keep up the good stuff – sounds like it’s working wonders for you.

    And congrats on the business picking up!