“How To Find Love, Reconnect Love And Keep Love Forever” 4-Week Teleclass Starting Today

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Hi – if you’re the last-moment kind of girl (like I am) – and you want to take a chance on my 4-week teleclass – go here to read more about it and sign up!  I’ll be doing these about 3 times a year, and I do them differently every time.

This is the lowest-cost one I’ve ever done, so if you want to take advantage of new stuff, new Tools, new ideas, new kinds of coaching techniques I’ve developed with my clients and group coaching…go take a look:

http://www.coachrori.com/how-to-find-love-and-keep-it-forever/

Love, Rori

(Also – if you’d like to be on my private “event list” to get notices of teleclasses and other events I might be doing or things, books and people I might be recommending, just email my assistant Melanie@CoachRori.com, and she’ll put you on the list.)

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1 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 6:20 am

    Thaks again.



  2.  #2Camille on January 30, 2012 at 6:23 am

    Ooh I wish I could take the class. I could use it right now



  3.  #3Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 6:39 am

    I’d love (and need) that class… I just don’t know if I can afford it right now.



  4.  #4Rose on January 30, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Aw wish I could take the class….



  5.  #5Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 7:02 am

    FW #1045 previous blog:

    Thank you, you are right, anything right now will go out wrong and blamey. Anyway, smething disastrous happened this morning!



  6.  #6Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 7:05 am

    DISASTER!

    M and I take the same hwy into the city, he is 3 exits from my exit. Almost in town, who do I see behind me? M! Now this is where it gets WEIRD!!! He ususally passes me or calls to say ‘hi, I’m right behind you’ or ‘I see you’… This morning, I was slower than usual, he’s a fast driver. What does he DO??? HE SLOWS DOWN and HIDES behind other cars and trucks. I slow down more, he obviously is doing every thing he can to not pass me!!! HE IS AVOIDING ME EVEN ON THE FR@AK@N HWY!!!



  7.  #7Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 7:08 am

    Lolita you attention is too focussed on him.



  8.  #8CurvySiren10 on January 30, 2012 at 7:11 am

    Oh Lolita, something must definitely be “up” with him. I’m thinking he really needs some space now, after your encounter last week. This is where being a Siren really gets tested. You’ve gotta just lean wayyy the heck back and let him be in order to give him that space…he’s either going to find his way back -or not. A difficult thought (believe me I know) but there is no more critical time for you to step away and not reach out. I feel badly for you because I really know how this feels. Things are great now, but I was there last summer. It’s so difficult.



  9.  #9Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 7:14 am

    RE 6 truthfully Lolita looking at your first word I automatically thought there was a disastrous car accident



  10.  #10Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 7:29 am

    FW – You think I am making too much of this? To me, it feels like ‘I don’t want to see you, I don’t want you to see me, I am staying away, I don’t want to think about you or you about me’ or ‘I feel guilty and I can’t face you right now’ or even ‘F#u%k, not her again!’



  11.  #11Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 7:39 am

    You are right Lolita. But the bottom line is that he is entitled to that. It is his life. Even if it was your husband he is entitled to think that way. On the other hand you are not obligated to be treated this way. You are not obligated to respond in any way to him. You are not obligated to stay there and be hurt. You are entitled to take care of yourself in anywhichway you choose. Forget him.



  12.  #12Lili 41 on January 30, 2012 at 8:00 am

    Goodmorning Lizka,

    Yes, I did get your post with email address.
    I’m having issues with my email right now.
    I will write to you as soon as I get it solved.
    Maybe I’ll open a gmail email account too.

    Thanks for the warm hug. I certainly need those right now.

    The emotions and feelings have thawed out this morning.

    I am feeling so FK’N DA9N CRAZY ANGRYYYYYY right now!!!!!!!!!!

    I wanta r*p is g0dd3mn face off, rip his c0k off, k1k him in the b8lls and then CRUSH TH3M !!!!!!
    …AND P*UNCH HIS F8CE IN !!!!
    THR0W HIM ON THE FK’N FL00R AND K*CK THE H3LL OUT OF HIM UNT*L THIS FK’N ANGRY ENERGY IS OUT OF MY SYSTEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I need to buy a punching bag. I mean it. Stick his picture on it and let it rip!



  13.  #13Lush_Oasis on January 30, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Good Morning, Sirens!

    The island seems peaceful this morning. Awesome. I wondered if some of you have noticed / felt / recognized that it seems “easier” to be more in the feminine (Receiving / Siren) state of being with only *some* men and for whatever reason, more in to the masculine “take charge” energy with other men?

    I have a couple CDs that I feel so at peace and happy with being in the feminine mode — feeling messages — no awkward silences, etc. And, from these CDs, I get the most favorable responses; even discussions on committment for the future 🙂

    On the other hand, I feel awkward around some of the other CDs and feel the need to adjust my feeling messages to just be blunt and to the point. Wow — that feels so harsh, but otherwise, it seems like I’m talking in a completely different language to them that they just don’t get.

    Example:
    He: Where do you want to eat?
    Me: Ohhh … I’m feeling like Italian for dinner tonight; a nice hot bowl of pasta covered in velvety rich cream sauce with fresh cheese grated on top makes me feel all melty and yummy.
    He: So, you wanna go eat spaghetti or something?
    Me: That would feel fabulous
    Him: Why didn’t you just say so?
    ….

    Just something I’m noticing more often, I suppose. I feel kinda silly for asking, but it just seems that the “feeling; cute, feminine” messages stick with some guys and on other guys – ohh — I shiver to even think of speaking that way. I catch myself sometimes, and then I’ll notice him twinge so I stop.

    Thankfully, I feel much more comfortable in the feminine mode. Wow! I’ve made lots of progress to even notice the difference. Yay! 🙂

    {{ }} Stay strong, ladies.



  14.  #14Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 8:05 am

    Let it rip Lili



  15.  #15Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 8:12 am

    Oh Lili! 🙁 let that anger out girl!! It’s a good thing… I guess?



  16.  #16Liz on January 30, 2012 at 8:12 am

    Hi Sirens,
    I hope you all are well, you have been in my thoughts, I have a sick boy and we just went to the doctors….just a cold and high fever and a little asthma induced by the cold….
    he needs a lot of attention…
    hope you all have an incredible day



  17.  #17Camille on January 30, 2012 at 8:13 am

    Go Lili,
    Let it all out. Use a pillow put his picture on it and puch away.. Feel the angry and let it out!

    We love you!



  18.  #18Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 8:14 am

    Lush “I’m feeling like Italian” is not a feeling message.

    “Italian would feel great” is what I hear Rori suggest in Reconnect.

    “I shiver to even think of speaking that way” He feels the discomfort in your vibe and I would encourage you to work on this.

    What I suspect from this one is your script is too long. I would try simplier with him. Ask yourself if pasta with cheese on top really makes you feel melty? I am wondering if he is experience this as you trying too hard or being pretentious? That whole message about the pasta I would use focus on while eating and say something like “aaww that feels so good going down. It feels all melty and yummy in my tummy” kind of thing.

    My point is to take a lesson from his feedback to adjust how you interact with him and others who might seem to not get it to you.



  19.  #19Starla on January 30, 2012 at 8:30 am

    liliiiiiiiiii let it outttttttttttt
    rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh



  20.  #20Sarah on January 30, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Hi Ladies,

    Happy Monday! 🙂 I have a question that I would appreciate any feedback on. I am struggling with how to find balance with taking care of myself and my needs (and not relying on my boyfriend to fulfill them) and not be aloof in my relationship or put up walls? I do I take care of me,but still let him know that he is important to me. For example, I am feeling disconnected from my bf right now. I want to spend more time with him (we are both very busy and don’t always have time to see each other. I want to try to make an effort to spend more time together because honestly I am afraid if we don’t we will grow apart and I don’t want that. However, I know I can’t force this on him. I have said how I feel (in feeling messages), but I know I can’t force him to make this effort. What do I do?



  21.  #21Mochaberri on January 30, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Morning Ladies!! Isi ti possible to over do it with feeling messages or could it be the man that is hearing them?

    This weekend I used a lot of feeling messages and his response was “you have a lot of feelings.”



  22.  #22Lush_Oasis on January 30, 2012 at 8:41 am

    @ FW #18

    Thanks for the feedback. I don’t have the Reconnect program, but it seems as if it might be another great resource, huh? 😉

    ~baby steps~



  23.  #23lk on January 30, 2012 at 8:43 am

    @Femininewoman 11

    “But the bottom line is that he is entitled to that. It is his life. Even if it was your husband he is entitled to think that way. On the other hand you are not obligated to be treated this way. You are not obligated to respond in any way to him. You are not obligated to stay there and be hurt. You are entitled to take care of yourself in anywhichway you choose. Forget him.”

    i love this so much



  24.  #24Lili 41 on January 30, 2012 at 8:44 am

    6:

    ((((Lolita)))),

    Ouch! I agree that now it’s more important than ever to stay away unless he comes to you.

    D wanted to step back, pull away and have time to think last spring.
    I didn’t let him. I was calling him just to say “hi” and get some news.
    He came back, but we never made anything clear.
    He came back before he was ready, and I took him back before I was ready to completely forgive…and now look at the result.

    I think he needs to take the time HE really needs in order to be clear about what he really wants and how he really feels.



  25.  #25Starla on January 30, 2012 at 8:51 am

    I was crackhead pining for CF but then he called me to say goodnight and again this morning to say good morning.

    He keeps saying “I look forward to seeing you again”

    ummmm, CF, we’ve been dating for 6 months…what..the..hell…are…you…talking…about…?

    LOL, but I just say “me too!”

    lol



  26.  #26mali on January 30, 2012 at 8:52 am

    @ 1024- Tiffany (from previous thread):

    Thankyou! I feel so good, and grateful, and happy =) Love to you, darling!



  27.  #27mali on January 30, 2012 at 8:59 am

    Day 8:

    Universe,

    Gosh, well I can’t even express the gratitude and love flowing through me right now. I love me and who you’ve made me. I love the people in my life. I love the men in my life. And I love where I am in my life; where I see myself going. Thankyou! Keep on bringing me more!

    I can’t stop laughing, and I’m really enjoying the moment. Chemistry’s flowing, and I feel so light and free… MedCD is awesome. I love the way I’m feeling right now =) This hot chocolate is so sweet, and I’m enjoying the sight of his smile and laughter, there’s synchronicity…

    The atmosphere now with A feels softer and more intimate… so deep, yet wonderful. It’s like we’re reconnecting after all that time since we first met. This is why I first liked him… And I feel so safe. Such joy to truly connect with someone like this. There’s this sense that we completely understand and respect eachother… how delicious.

    Thankyou, Universe. I do love you!



  28.  #28Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Well don’t you Mochaberri?



  29.  #29Starla on January 30, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Lizka, I emailed you:)



  30.  #30Lili 41 on January 30, 2012 at 9:07 am

    I have not f’n patience whatsoever this morning!!!

    This is just not the day to be having people who are s2cking my f2ck’n energy!!!!

    I’m so angry and out of patience at having to repeat over and over and over again to someone who just can’t get it!

    Why doesn’t D get it after I’ve repeated sooo f_’n many times!!!!

    You know why? It’s not about him!!!! It’s about ME!!!
    and MY OWN THICK SKULL who won’t get it even after I’ve had people repeat to me since 2008!!!! Even after I’ve read it over and over and over on here since last summer!!!!!!!!!!!

    I’m triggered by this energy s_ck*ng person bc she triggers MY OWN F’N RESISTANCE TO GETTTING IT!!!!

    While I was with my ex, my bf would repeat to me to stop beating him on the head and kicking him, bc he would kick me back and give me reason.

    I DID THE SAME F’n THING ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!! even after reading it here!!!!

    I WANT TO K*CK THAT F_’N RESISTANT CONCRETE WALL DOWN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I DESERVE TO KNOCK IT THE F DOWN TO GIVE MYSELF SUNLIGHT !!!!!
    I AM WORTHY OF SUNLIGHT !!!!!!!

    DOES ANYONE HEAR MY SCREAMING??? WHO IS MY WITNESS TO THAT 10 FOOT THICK CONCRETE WALL COMING DOWN????

    I HAVE ENOUGH ANGRY ENERGY TO KICK THE H3LL OUT OF IT DOWN !!!!!

    I HAVE THE SUPERPOWER TO BUST RIGHT THROUGH THAT THICK WALL!!!!!

    JUST WATCH ME!! YOU’LL SEE WHAT I’M MADE OF!!!

    ….SUPER SIREN POWER!!!!

    THAT’S WHAT I’M MADE OF!!!

    SUPER SIREN DOESN’T NEED A CONCRETE WALL TO PROTECT HER!!!! SHE’S STRONG ENOUGH ON HER OWN…on the inside…but soft on the outside 😉



  31.  #31Lili 41 on January 30, 2012 at 9:10 am

    19:

    It’s out Starla. Can you hear it from CO ?



  32.  #32Starla on January 30, 2012 at 9:15 am

    yes it’s totally delicious, LILI



  33.  #33Lili 41 on January 30, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Can’t wait for the teleconference tonight!

    Who’s in on it?



  34.  #34Lili 41 on January 30, 2012 at 9:31 am

    I FEEL LIKE A WALKING FIRE BALL!!!!



  35.  #35Starla on January 30, 2012 at 9:36 am

    I’m not in on the teleconference this time but would feel soooo open to doing it another time! Just need to save my money for now:)



  36.  #36Lili 41 on January 30, 2012 at 9:39 am

    I’ll give you some feedback on it tomorrow Starla.



  37.  #37Starla on January 30, 2012 at 9:42 am

    yay thanks LILI:)



  38.  #38Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 9:46 am

    Let me wrap all of you in hugs! I feel sad with you…some of you are going thru some very painful situations. 🙁

    (((Siren Island)))



  39.  #39Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Lili 41,

    What I do to process anger is to riff it down to what it is made of. For example:

    Why do I feel angry? I feel f-ing pissed!

    Why do I feel f-ing pissed? I don’t know! I just feel enraged!

    Why do I feel enraged? My heart is in searing pain!

    Why is my heart in searing pain? Because he said, “Such and such”!

    Why did it hurt when he said that? It was so unfair/unjust/thoughtless/harsh!

    Etc.

    What I have found across the board for myself is that my anger breaks down to hurt, every time.



  40.  #40Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Lili, I think it’s great that you are feeling your anger to it’s full extent. I agree with Brenda, try to reframe every sentence into what it means to you and what you can learn from this (painful) experience. (((HUGS)))



  41.  #41reneej on January 30, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Rori, I have a question. I have a male friend on facebook whose other female friend called me an insulting, crude name with without provocation from me. She has bullied me a few times in the past. I got upset and told my male friend he should have some rules about name calling, and demand she apologize to me. He didn’t want to get involved, so I deleted him. H wants me to come back, misses me, but I told him I couldn’t as long as he allows the bullying to continue. Am I doing the right thing, or will I seem like i’m trying to control him and get something from him? Thanks for your advice.



  42.  #42Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Ha! Love it! I was just listening to Reconnect Your Relationship and I had just written my last post to Lili about anger, when Ryan called to ask if he left his keys in my car.

    And he called so quickly after our date!! Happiness!

    And he asked me about dealing with anger! So I had all that fresh in my mind to respond to him! It was just a 7 minute call, but it was terrific how I had Rori’s voice right there in my head, so I immediately lay down in order to be in “lean back” mode, after I checked my car for his keys.

    Yes, I am enjoying the “Be Surprised” part of the Rori Raye Mantra! LOL! Love you, Rori!



  43.  #43Daria on January 30, 2012 at 10:14 am

    im feeling throwed

    i feel sad inside
    a
    nd im not letting myself feel the fear

    i feel like i have information and stuff that oculd help; people if only they would listen to me – but they DONT… i still dont know yet how to communicate and be listened to – im STILL not abl and capable

    and anyway i watch and it feels painful to hear

    and i feel so miserable and desperate with my lil information that i dnot know how to heal

    awww

    poor me

    this feels awfully unfair and desperate making and heartbreaking



  44.  #44Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Woooooow! I feel so incredibly to have all these sirens sending me emails today to my siren-gmail. Wow! That makes me feel special and smiley and forget about all my problems.

    (((((sirens)))))



  45.  #45Starla on January 30, 2012 at 10:25 am

    “i still dont know yet how to communicate and be listened to ”

    I think not telling them that you’re judging them and angry when offering your advice/wisdom, might help solve this for you.



  46.  #46Dominique on January 30, 2012 at 10:26 am

    YAY Lili!!! Let it out. Get it out.

    xxoo



  47.  #47Daria on January 30, 2012 at 10:26 am

    i just sit there , watching people i love get beat up by other people i love, and it feels terrible

    and i feel compassion for what seems to me their lil boy lil girl side

    i fee it in my heart

    i t feels sad

    i want to protect them

    i feel terrilbe

    i almost felt like crying there

    ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

    chie boo boo’

    oawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

    owwwwwww

    i feel soo poor me

    so helpless

    i hate this feeling

    i feel amazied im Noticing this feeling

    heart feels achy

    my stomach feels kinda grabbed and turned too

    my liver

    uufff

    🙁

    i feel so sad

    ouch my heart



  48.  #48Lush_Oasis on January 30, 2012 at 10:27 am

    @Renee #41

    Hi, Renee. Welcome to Siren Island.

    I’m fairly new to understanding the whole process, but feel successful in the personal growth that I have done in [relatively] short time; but will admit that I have a lot of learning yet to do. 🙂

    I’ll refer most of the feedback to the more wise Sirens, but from my understanding, this is what I’m understanding from your question:

    1) Your male friend “H” on FB is allowed to do what he does as he does it; which means he is allowed to have female (or male or whomever) as friends. It is up to you to accept what he does and see if it fits you. This would apply to all male acquaintances = not just “H”.

    2) If “H” has a female friend that is insulting you … I’m interpreting that to mean the issue somehow exists between that person and yourself (using your friend as the barrier). This feels bad and I would not want to involve “H” in resolving whatever issues exist between this person and yourself.

    3) Suggesting to “H” that he establish boundaries for himself / his FB page for no bullying, name calling, etc. is a very masculine energy idea. If I understand the RR concept though; your requests can be expressed using feeling messages and asking for his thoughts, etc. This returns the masculine energy to him where it belongs.

    What are your thoughts? I hope that helped somewhat … and certainly welcome any other feedback from other Sirens.



  49.  #49Daria on January 30, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Starla – ive never told them im angry or im judging them

    im probably just gona stand with my lil heart and healing secret in my hand and watch my heart be broken as they hurt each other until its really broken apart and there is lots of dust instead of a family

    but i think your comment was more like a lil jab at me based on something youre triggered on and assuming im thinking about



  50.  #50Dominique on January 30, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Daria – I feel your frustration and pain. Maybe this will help. People hear when they are ready to hear, yet your words and love DO NOT go unnoticed. Somewhere inside them, they hear, they feel what you are offering. AND more importantly, you are planting a seed, one which will someday take root and grow. You may not always get to see this, but you can know in your heart that this was your precious seed, and this seed.

    xxoo



  51.  #51Senior Lady Vibe on January 30, 2012 at 10:32 am

    “i feel like i have information and stuff that oculd help; people if only they would listen to me – but they DONT… ”

    Ditto…

    “…and anyway i watch and it feels painful to hear…”

    Ditto…

    And I’ve been at this a lot longer than you… so…
    I’m using what I’ve learned, for myself.

    But it’s helpful to read what’s going on with other people. As I’ve mentioned before. Whether I agree or not, what I read nudges me to think over things… some I’ve not thought of in a while. That’s a good thing.

    And I’m always sympathetic toward women going through difficult times. Considering available alternatives usually presents the solutions. That gets lost if we put all our focus on a man instead of on ourselves and what we want.



  52.  #52Daria on January 30, 2012 at 10:33 am

    so how do i feel about that

    i feel stony

    i feel kinda good like – negative pleasure – justified

    i feel kinda angry

    i dont want to be jabbed at or disrespected or judged

    or made wrong for expressing my feelings on the blog or in any situation

    and i feel angry and kinda like betrayed

    but mostly on that i feel a wall of walled off ness

    i dont need to be seen heard, or understood – im not anyway –

    i can just wall off these people not understanding me and trying to attack me

    and i dont want to do that and thats my way of dealing with it for now

    i dont want to take on the feeling of more ouchie boo boo in my heart right now

    just cuz someone has decided to let their judgements take over their communication and perspective

    i Gotta be strong

    im always kicked when im down

    i dont really mind it since im numb anyways huh?

    it feels unfair

    but right now we are in trauma survival mode

    wht if it was ok to gently ease out of trauma survival mode



  53.  #53Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Holding back saying, “I love you!” is like keeping the fine china locked safely away in the China cabinet all your life.

    I want to open up the China cabinet and open up my heart! I want to fully embrace life with all its beauty and pain in the moment!

    I love you!



  54.  #54Daria on January 30, 2012 at 10:34 am

    if i feel my way out of this numbness, im gonna feel rage

    and im scared i cant handle that

    it will feel worse than this numbness

    this numbness almost feels pleasant



  55.  #55Senior Lady Vibe on January 30, 2012 at 10:36 am

    I guess I’ll “mosey on over” to another place with a faster signal…

    😀



  56.  #56Daria on January 30, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Thank you Dominique



  57.  #57Daria on January 30, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Thank you SLV

    im feeling powerless at home watching hearing my parents fight

    i feel so hangy head sad warm achy heart

    right now im in ‘poor me’ that Margaret Lynch talks about

    i forgot what im supposed to do nwo to heal my poor me, mmm im sure its tapping though

    just feeling swept through by the poor me energy



  58.  #58Daria on January 30, 2012 at 10:39 am

    it feels so unfair



  59.  #59Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 10:42 am

    My List of Qualities I Want in a Man:

    1. I want a husband who will encourage me to be my best self: spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, relationally, physically, and financially.



  60.  #60Daria on January 30, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Renee & Lush oasis – hmm i feel intrigued by this

    i agree with lush oasis, and also take it to a different conclusion

    AND, your walking away (removing yourself from FB from a man that has stuff going on around him that doesnt feel good to you)

    is very feminine and an excellent way to take care of yourself

    another way would be to say.. .”i feel upset about this, what do you think?”

    if he doesnt fix it, and you guys dnot get a negotiation that feels good, then you can walk away as you did



  61.  #61Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Dominique “People hear when they are ready to hear”. I can only speak for myself but I suspect there are others who might think the same way. Even when people are ready to hear, they are never open to being referred to as “dumbas##s” or “bit##ch”. For me that is criticism and disrespect to the nth degree, so I go no further. After that I no longer see nor hear anything. If I can’t be addressed with basicrespect I don’t want to be addressed. I have said it more than once that respect is important to me and even remember someone else suggesting that respect was not important. If you offer a hungry baby a bottle while at the same time slapping the child across the face I can’t imagine that the child would focus on taking the bottle. It just doesn’t work that way.



  62.  #62Tzenny on January 30, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Okay. This is why we need to CD . . . Reading Tori eBook while under the dryer . . . In choosing the relationship, we are making a 100% commitment to be in that relationship. That feels scary. I don’t know him well enough to make that decision or commitment. So I need to keep my options open.

    Brenda, thank you for the hug.

    Lili, let it out girl!!! Scream if it feels good.

    Lolita, you got caught up in a forward leaning motion on the highway. But that is okay. Don’t just lean back, step away and put him in rotation. Don’t get invested in this one CD!! Step back and riff then channel. Remember there is a reason we are CDing. His actions on the road confirmed it. Don’t call, don’t text, don’t email.

    ((((Daria)))))) I’m browsing in my phone and could not read all the posts but wanted to give you a siren hug 🙂



  63.  #63Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Thank you Tzenny, FW and all Sirens,

    The problem is we had the exclusivity talk and now I can’t really CD because of it… what do you do then??? I told him (like CC suggests) that exclusivity for me comes before being intimate, and that includes dating if we are intimate… Now I am caught up in it…

    I am also so suprised he leaned back on the hwy as we didnt speak since Friday morning when he left his place to go to work… How can he nt have felt like moving forward???

    I am a bad Siren…



  64.  #64Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Tzenny, we have been seeing each other for 1 year and were planning to move in together with our kids just a few weeks ago before our 2nd breakup. Now we are back since 1 week.



  65.  #65Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Brenda, I like post 59 a lot.



  66.  #66Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Difficult Communication
    5. Speak in sentences or, at most, paragraphs instead of pages during a difficult conversation. Your partner will only remember the last sentence or two you say and forget the beginning of a long speech.

    http://www.yourgreatrelationships.com/24Tips.pdf



  67.  #67Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Lolita – Rori teaches that exclusivity is a trap. It is not a commitment. The other thing is that the possibility exists that he agreed to exclusivity because that was what you wanted and he wanted to be agreeable at the time. He could have second thoughts later on. That is all his business, I don’t know for sure. What you know is what he showed with his actions this morning, though to a certain extent you are still assuming. The way to know for sure what he wants to do is to keep leaning back and see what he does. As Rori says, his energy has to keep coming towards you.



  68.  #68Lili 41 on January 30, 2012 at 11:02 am

    41:

    Hi reneej,

    I have the same issue.
    That’s why I don’t go on FB anymore.
    I get too triggered by the remarks aimed at me by D’s lady neighbour.

    Can’t wait to see what advice comes up for this.



  69.  #69Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 11:04 am

    M always talks in feeling messages. Rori once responded to a post of mine and said he is ‘outgirling’ me. This is what I found on the site I may need to do:

    Outgirling:
    If your man demonstrates primarily Feminine energy in his life and your relationship, it will automatically compel you to step up into your Masculine Energy – in order to balance the Energy Exchange and to get things done. Outgirling is reversing that. It’s going “full-out Girl” inside the relationship. This can look like doing nothing, and may result in nothing happening at all in your relationship except sitting around like two girls. It’s the only way to right a seriously unbalanced Energy Exchange.



  70.  #70Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 11:05 am

    I admit I started becoming the one to call… no wonder he doesnt call, he probably forgot HOW to!



  71.  #71Daria on January 30, 2012 at 11:06 am

    i went downstairs but kinda avoided turned away froma possible hug

    it felt bad

    i felt all exhausted and kinda like “dont touch me”

    i notice i feel that way with men

    yet in love scripts rori has a woman practicing still being open to love

    i feel sad and this buffer layer of fuzzy energy around that feels vague and numbing kinda like a thick donut a thick blanket



  72.  #72Starla on January 30, 2012 at 11:07 am

    “Starla – ive never told them im angry or im judging them”

    ohh you mean people off the blog? sorry i was confused with your near-daily behavior here, my bad.

    btw, no not a jab, it’s a sincere suggestion that might actually help you. your taking it as a ‘jab’ when others are hoping YOU’LL hear THEIR helpful advice, might be an indication of a major energetic projection/mirror or whatever you would want to call it, to address your original question about how to be heard with helpful stuff.



  73.  #73Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 11:14 am

    Lolita yes. I have 1 that is a major thing with yet he is very masculine in the rest of his life. That is another reason I believe is cdating. I just got a message on the dating site from one of the first men who contacted me months ago. Says he prefer my new picture and that it was a pity I went that route with him original. And Oh I lost your number and forgot your name. I just said what a shame.

    He would call and say he will call later but never called. Then went into sending texts about the hurricane at the time and a few more about “stuff”. For some reason I got the impression that he had wanted me to chase him. Just this morning I had another angry at me. Telling me that if I need to call to show some interest. We were supposed to meet up on Saturday. After his call I called, he did not pick. I sent a text and he said he only just got it while we were talking. I guess from what he said he is planning to poof. Oh well.



  74.  #74Lili 41 on January 30, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Why the h3ll does somebody have to listen to their voicemail on speaker in an office!
    That is so rude!
    I feel like going over there and banging his d8mn phone off!

    I feel my anger in my sinuses. Sinus pressure.
    I would like to relieve the built up anger pressure by swinging a baseball bat at everything.

    My head wants to explode spewing hot flamy molten lava.

    YOU WANTA EAT THIS PIECE A WOOD YOU W50RE OF A G*G0L0!!!! LY*ING P*CE A SN8KE SH*T!!!



  75.  #75Daria on January 30, 2012 at 11:16 am

    1056: Dominique says:
    Ella – #969

    “its because at least with the bad guys I feel SOMETHING, even if it is a whole load of pain.

    I know I am alive. ”

    This is a HUGE revelation for you. You feel alive when you are in pain. I know this one. I’ve been there, and it wasn’t an easy pattern to break. BUT now you know. Now you have something to work with.

    YAY you.

    xxoo

    **

    I wonder when i feel alive…

    looking back in my life the ‘cool’ moments are moments when…

    i was on the street and there was lots of cars coming to visit us at guy who house…

    so when i was being paid attention to… or flirted with guys

    then theres DRAMA moments, like imaginign my sister that one time snuggled up with guywho

    and… when i was being flirted with in front of everybody

    feeling special – feeling paid attention to by a man

    a high status man ,

    in public

    i feel alive then being seen… being evaluated and coming out a winner, a cool one

    and the moments of falling in love, laughing and feeling good to have found an interesting person

    and then

    times of bieng in danger

    of being cool an inluded in the danger stugf

    love to me

    i wanna heal this

    i want to create more moments of my being a “winner”

    and also see if i can feel alive in more varied situations

    what if i could feel that ALIVE feeling constantly

    that is my desire



  76.  #76Daria on January 30, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Starla – that feels bad



  77.  #77tenny on January 30, 2012 at 11:18 am

    Sorry sirens, there was a typo in my name on my last post



  78.  #78Daria on January 30, 2012 at 11:19 am

    i feel scared and closed off

    i can tell youre upset about something, and im not sure if it would feel good to discuss it right now, or whether i would just be going in a people pleasing pattern

    i acutally feel really angry being talked to this way – that is the truth

    and on top of that i feel a lot of numbness



  79.  #79Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Love Note of the Week:

    Be radical! Be UNrealistic! This is how you show yourself that you are The Master Creator.

    “The fact that you desire something means it is possible for you to have it – this is Universal Law. You can have anything and everything you want. Believe this 100% and your life will change for the better. Release the details and explore how you would like to feel, how you desire your life to function, and what your day-to-day life looks like… Yes, RELEASE THE DETAILS FIRST…”

    We are here to support you on your path to love.

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew



  80.  #80tenny on January 30, 2012 at 11:21 am

    CD smoothie is back in my rotation. Bringing me a gift!!!



  81.  #81Daria on January 30, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Femininewoman – that feels bad

    i dont liek ti when people “speak so i can hear” or being judged

    i feel misunderstood and angry

    you have a right to your opinion and perceptino of whats going on

    but it feels bad to me and i dont feel seen

    i feel really angry and numb and stone walled



  82.  #82Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 11:23 am

    RE 80 Tenny that is inspiring me. Now I am wondering if I should let that one who showed back up today in the rotation. hhhmmm



  83.  #83Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 11:24 am

    (((Daria))),

    I guess you feel kind of stuck right now in your living situation, and I feel your pain.

    For what it’s worth, I experienced a huge growth spurt when I stopped living with my Mom and got my own home. It is SO difficult to grow and change when the very people who were a big source of childhood damage/pain/triggers are right there in my face every day.

    Even now, I find I have to limit my time with my Mom. I love her dearly, and she would literally give me the shirt off her back. But when I am around her, it feels like going back to the no-mans-land that I have worked so hard to come out of.

    It just isn’t healthy in adulthood to live with our parents.



  84.  #84Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 11:28 am

    For processing anger, shame, bondage, etc, I highly recommend this website:

    http://www.mtoomey.com/sitemap.html

    It is by a PhD in psychology (psychiatry?), Michele Toomey, who used to be a nun! So she has a very unique perspective! She mainly helps emotionally abused women get free of the bondage of abuse. She herself felt abused by the church, who controlled every aspect of her life.

    The more she became aware of the abuse, the more she broke away from being a nun. Her writing is very profound and healing.



  85.  #85Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 11:32 am

    Daria, Ella, and Dominique,

    RE: #75 – Daria, what you said is beautiful! I want to feel moment-by-moment alive in that way, too!

    Ella, I recommend the book, “Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them.” I read it years ago, and it was very eye-opening for me.

    Emotional abuse felt normal. Being treated like a princess felt alien. And I am still growing.

    Baby steps, right?



  86.  #86Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 11:34 am

    (((Lili 41))),

    RE: #74 – Recipe for Anger Chili
    © 1997 Michele Toomey, PhD

    The purpose of this recipe is to give expression to anger without abusing yourself or others. If we are angry, we have every right to claim our anger and to express it. In fact, anger can become very volcanic and destructive if it is swallowed over an extended period of time.

    It will be helpful to you if you will read the following list contrasting violating anger with liberating anger before you read the recipe.

    Violating Anger vs. Liberating Anger
    Violating Anger Liberating Anger
    Has a twist Is straight
    Manipulates the truth Seeks the relief of honest self-expression
    Has a hidden agenda Wants to discover the truth
    Attacks to hurt Expresses the hurt and anger
    Blames and proves “guilt” Confronts
    Is a weapon Is a tool
    Seeks to discredit the other as a person Seeks to expose
    Has no accountability Demands accountability
    Hides behind innocence Chooses not to hide
    Is righteously superior Is adamant
    Assumes another’s motives Never assumes motives
    Needs a villain Rejects villains
    Refuses to claim anything Claims its part
    Seeks to punish Determines consequences for itself
    Uses information to make a case against the other Uses information for clarity and understanding
    Fears exposure Values exposure
    Leads to abuse Leads to intimacy
    Alienates and violates Liberates

    Because anger has such force and potential for violence, it needs to be treated with great discipline and respect. Uncontrolled anger is dangerous and we recognize that even if we don’t know how to control it. Unaddressed and unexpressed anger is also dangerous, and we tend not to realize that. A recipe for setting us on the right track in dealing with anger is, therefore, a very important and very difficult recipe.

    Anger Chili
    Ingredients:

    3 quarts of perceived unfairness, and/or meanness and abuse, with its stinging disappointment, hurt, anger and outrage
    1 – 3 cups of red hot anger (depending on the degree of intensity that is felt)
    2 tablespoons of “in your face” attitude
    3 – 5 winces of hurt
    2 – 3 loud sighs of disappointment
    2 – 5 shouts of outrage Several flashbacks of similar past experiences
    Many rounds of self-reflection, assessing and evaluating the situation, what led up to it, what contributed to it, your reaction to it, and each person’s role in it
    3 ounces of integrity
    3 quarts of discipline
    As many strong confrontations as needed
    A gallon of demand for accountability and fairness from yourself and the other(s) involved
    A quart of claiming of your part in what occurred
    A quart of urgent need to be understood, to understand, and to treat and be treated fairly
    2 brisk shakes of commitment to interact with integrity and fairness after serving

    Preparation: (Use a large cast iron kettle)

    Bring to a rapid boil the 3 quarts of perceived unfairness and/or meanness and abuse with its stinging disappointment, hurt, anger and outrage. Stir vigorously while adding the appropriate number of cups of hot anger and the two tablespoons of “in your face” attitude.
    Great care must be taken at this stage, because the mixture is very volatile. Flashbacks and outbursts can occur unexpectedly, triggering shouts of outrage that ignite the already hot and flammable feelings. Caution must be taken to be able to handle such volatility without injury.
    Gradually lower the temperature and simmer before adding the winces of hurt and sighs of disappointment. Stir slowly until thickening begins to occur, then blend in the shouts of outrage, one at a time, letting each one permeate the mixture and bring it to a boil, as you add the flashbacks of past experiences.
    Stir continuously to prevent any boiling over. When you are ready, add the rounds of self-reflection, evaluation of the situation, what contributed to it, and your reaction to it and each person’s role in it, including and especially your own. Breathe deeply and allow the steam to enter your system as you pour and stir. Take your time and do not rush.
    As you ponder, combine the three ounces of integrity with the three quarts of self-discipline, mix thoroughly before stirring it into the boiling kettle. Lumps will begin to solidify and it will become harder to stir. Now add the strong confrontations and gallon of demand for accountability and fairness along with the quart of claiming your part in what occurred. Cook for ten minutes, continuously stirring and boiling. When the chili is completely thick and lumpy, add the quart of urgent need to be understood and to understand, and to treat and be treated fairly. When the color changes from bright red to burnt red, it is ready to serve.

    How to best serve Anger Chili

    Set the table with solid commitment to your best effort in expressing your anger fairly, strongly and accountably. Use your best bowls of yielding to the actual outcome even if your best efforts do not yield the desired results: an acknowledgment of the legitimacy of your anger, a resolution of the conflict, a claiming on everyone’s part and an apology where appropriate.

    Invite to the table those who were involved in the situation that triggered your anger, and as you serve them in your best bowls, shake commitment to interact with integrity and fairness on the top of the chili in each bowl.

    Know that your effectiveness as a good self-expression cook is in the integrity of your preparation and presentation, not in the response of those who receive it. We cannot control the reaction we get, we are only in charge of how we prepare, what we present and how we deal with it. Anger chili is a very hard dish to prepare and present. It will take your best effort.

    http://www.mtoomey.com/chili.html



  87.  #87Starla on January 30, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Daria, I feel really concerned for you…It’s like you’re trapping yourself in a bad place. Like, guaranteeing the patterns will never release themselves from you.

    It’s like you can’t see outside of yourself and see how the permissions you expect to be granted for you are not reciprocated, or even tolerated in benign cousin-forms when it comes to how you relate to and perceive other people. What I mean is stuff like this:

    You go around stomping about how you’re being silenced and bullied, but have the same effect yourself on other people.

    You go around saying you’re being attacked, but the way you go around saying this leaves other people feeling attacked.

    It’s like positioning the same poles of different magnets up against each other and then raging when they never attract to each other. It’s physically impossible in this space for reconciliation of the two forces to ever happen.

    I wish for great healing for you!



  88.  #88Jenny on January 30, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Ok ladies I been some thinking about the “man cave” and about how men think and feel.

    This is making me confused…

    There is talks about men allways know how they feel and they get after what they want.

    But then there is also talk about men need to go into their man cave to think about what they want and feel.

    I have read “Men allways know what they want”…but in that case, why do they need to go to the man cave to think about what they want?

    Argh feeling all spinned around in my head, when listing to what diffrent ppl say.



  89.  #89Starla on January 30, 2012 at 11:44 am

    Daria 87, my comment 87 is really about what i’ve experienced here in this forum, not with your parents of course! Though maybe it will help as an extension or a big picture, no idea.

    I am sorry for all the pain that keeps coming up with your parents:( I wish everyone could have peaceful relations with their very immediate family, and love and acceptance, and I have no idea what that should feel like. So then I just focus on relationships with other people. Sigh, this feels tiring to think about.

    We can’t control other people, so how could we ever guarantee peaceful relations with our family, without lying down and being a doormat to them? and even then, they’ll find something to dislike us for.



  90.  #90Iamabutterfly on January 30, 2012 at 11:49 am

    I feel lonely. I feel untouched. It would feel good to be held. It would feel good to have a man stroke my head and play with my hair.

    Ran into another one of my old CDs over the weekend (WHY does this keep happening?)

    I felt bad for him. I felt very happy to run into him, but I could feel him being all guarded and not open with me and I wondered why he felt the need to be all guarded.

    Later on, he came over to talk to me again, and it seemed like he was feeling better.

    also, there’s this guy who stares at me all the time. He’s really cute, but he never approaches me, only brushes past me in crowds.

    It feels like a game. It feels fun.

    but it also feels kind of irritating.

    He’ll lock eyes with me, and walk past me with our eyes locked, and it feels like everything slows down and he and I are the only ones in the room.

    It feels kind of magical. It feels movie-like.

    But why won’t he just introduce himself? I’ve been running into him EVERYWHERE!

    It feels eerie, but it also feels exciting.

    I feel magnetized to mystery men…does he know this?



  91.  #91Starla on January 30, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Daria, talking to you and seeing how you react to me today has brought up something important in me; I feel really curious what you think.

    I don’t know how to navigate “vicious cycle” communications. Like (really dumbed down version of a potential conversation):

    Daria: I feel judgmental

    Me: Ugh I don’t wanna be judged, leave me alone!

    Daria: I feel attacked! I don’t wanna be disrespected!

    Me: *feels blamed for attacking and disrespecting, feeling really attacked and disrespected myself*

    :::Stalemate; cycle repeats::::

    Daria, can you think of any ways *out* of this cycle with another person (or even me specifically)? I feel stumped and it’s starting to feel really bad and it’s just not what i want at all:(



  92.  #92Daria on January 30, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Starla – thanks for your posts about the mirror/double standard? /magnets thing

    i Do see that pattern… but i dont know what to do to heal it… other than intend to

    actualy i am healing it by practicing expressing my own boundaries (even while aware i probably display a behavior that triggers others – i feel very guilty and Unworthy of having boundaries therefore msyelf, i dont really deserve it since im not perfectly untriggering to others – HOWEVER… i am expressing the boundaries anyways

    then it will influence others to have their own boundaries (possibly even with me when they feel triggered)

    i feel pretty good about what im ‘doing’ here with this stuff

    i see the mirror – RARGH i feel triggered (while triggering others) all the time in other people in my family, on blog, and in myself

    i think its pretty natural/normal and just a natural lovely mirror thing that happens as patterns become visible

    rereading your post :

    i dont expect any permissions, and im practicing NOT tolerating something

    if i do somethign that triggers someone, i am choosing to accept that about myself (this will be triggering to others who dont feel worthy of doing this for themselves )

    AND

    im choosing not to tolerate anything that feels bad (even if it looks like something i ‘did’ – how unfair! how horrible of me to put myself first this way says nv. But i am. and im committed to believing its not ‘wrong,’ its my babysteps to healing)

    **

    im not actually feeling scared myself to be trapped in these patterns forever

    im feeling chill and relaxed imagiing they are healing



  93.  #93Jilly on January 30, 2012 at 11:55 am

    well…Sexy CD has been contacting me all morning..trying to get us together one more time before he leaves…

    my exact response….

    I feel flattered by your persistance…but a little uncomfortable…I don’t feel interested in a hook up :/

    HIM: I respect that

    ME: Thank you 🙂

    I felt really good about that and held my boundaries…yay me 🙂



  94.  #94Daria on January 30, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Starla – yeah, i have some potential tweaks…

    Daria: I feel judgmental

    Me: Ugh that feels scary! I don’t wanna be judged,

    Daria: oh okay, sorry to scare you. im just going through my own thing . i feel scared too – i dont want to upset you and i want to be honest with what im feeling

    Me: well i dont want to be judged

    Daria: ok… im feelnig judgemental myself, but thats all my stuff



  95.  #95Daria on January 30, 2012 at 11:58 am

    or in a worst case with a really triggered attacky person:

    Daria: I feel judgmental

    Me: Ugh that feels scary! I don’t wanna be judged,

    Daria: uhmmm well that feels bad i feel like all alone and unseen

    Me: (i dont know)

    but WOW I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THATS HOW I FELT!

    this is not a “worst case at all”

    wow COOL!



  96.  #96Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Jilly there is always something we can practice when we open up ourselves to the opportunities. I am sure practicing your boundaries help you to feel stronger and lifts your self-esteem.



  97.  #97Jilly on January 30, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    ooohhh….I feel scared….

    my roomie has the day off today…but she works from home so she’s always here anyway…

    well I work from home TOO!!! so I am very aware and considerate of the noise I make…

    I just had to ask her to turn the TV volume down because it’s so freaking loud!!!

    I always feel scared when I ask for things like that…like “OH NO…she’s going to be mad at me now” 🙁

    but I feel happy that I didn’t just “suffer” through it and NOT say anything



  98.  #98reneej on January 30, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    @Lush Oasis and Daria:

    Thank you for your insight. I was in masculine energy when I said what I did to him. He probably feels I’m trying to get him to do what i want by deleting him. I don’t know how I can reverse this. I apologized for getting so upset, and said no matter how much I like him, I can’t come back if she is allowed to abuse me. He wrote back, was very nice, said he misses me, but he’ll still get to see me on a few of our mutual friends’ posts, so “it’ll do i guess”. So, basically he’s accepted that i won’t come back.

    Is he not feeling protective of me because he’s not attracted to me enough? I’m wondering if i should go back to show I’m not trying to control him, just deal with the woman myself when necessary, and hope he develops a protective attitude towards me?



  99.  #99reneej on January 30, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    He did stand up for me once a long time ago, against this woman.



  100.  #100Jilly on January 30, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    FW…YES!!! it was great practice for me 🙂 and fun too



  101.  #101luzydel on January 30, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    I feel turned off by “s” sometimes like he may not be what I want. I still have my profiles and willing to CD others. But noons has step up to ask and the Guy that did cancelled the last minute. I do not want to get hung up on s again. He feels he has powewo er me. I have not tell him I’m coding because I feel its not his businesses anyway. Still I feel so bleh with him right now…he is playing games and using commitment as a carot for my devotion. I don’t know if he is good for me anymore and o don’t need other men in my rotation to convince myself… once I’m don, I’m done … I want to get married some day, but not if I have to loose myself in the process …



  102.  #102Jilly on January 30, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    FW…what’s going on with CD who answered your questions but you haven’t met yet?? 🙂



  103.  #103reneej on January 30, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Another thing; the issue can’t be resolved between me and this woman because she is just jealous of me and my friendship with him.



  104.  #104Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Daria (and Starla),

    Another thought…when I was still living with Mom and all the explosive, unhealthy, hurtful, enmeshed, codependent triggers were regularly being exercised, more than one therapist, over the years, suggested that it would be so healthy for me to live with a family that had healthy relational patterns. It would be a fantastic role model for me.

    I never did make that connection, altho I came close, and I was so excited about it. It would have felt so good to rent a room for a nominal cost from a family that was full of unconditional love and healthy relational patterns. What do you think?



  105.  #105Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Misunderstanding happened over the weekend. He came to the neighborhood to his regular hang out and called while I was shopping. I said I would call back and when I did he was already in the basement so the call did not go through. I text but apparently he only got the text this morning. He said he waited for 2 hours upstairs for me so I can’t understand why he did not get my call. In any event I know there can be problems with technology. Unfortunately, he started the conversation asking if I could not have called yesterday. So the regular round of argument started so I just went into saying okay.



  106.  #106Mochaberri on January 30, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    @ FW #28 – LOL – yes I do!!! and my response was taht I’m just a gilr and that’s how I communicate is through my feelings and I know that guys like feelings…..



  107.  #107Lili 41 on January 30, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    86:

    Brenda,

    You’re anger chili looks tasty. Will try it out.

    Uh-oh! 🙁
    After the molten lava spewing outa the vulcano, I feel the flood of tears rising.
    I feel it, I feel the contraction right at the bottom of my ribcage, like pushing up the tears to drain them out.
    Gotta hold that in until I get home.

    Bring it on! I can take it! I can take the ride on the roller coaster of emotions.

    Coz I’m a fearless super siren !!!



  108.  #108Daria on January 30, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Brenda – i belive that it IS healthy in adulthood to live with our parents

    i want to live with my children when im old!



  109.  #109Starbright on January 30, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Daria-

    It can work to live with parents. I think sometimes it can work better though when there have been several years apart. And, also it may be better if parents move in with the kids and have parents/in-laws separate quarters so everything doesn’t have to be shared and everyone can have some independence. Also, to try to keep from having the strong dynamics of it being the parents house and they have the say.

    I moved in with my mother for awhile as an adult after living on my own. I thought it helped that she didn’t then live in our family home so I wasn’t going back to my bedroom from childhood. But, I found that it would always be her house, her rooms, her yard. I needed to keep all of my stuff in my bedroom out of her way and sight. I can understand that, but it didn’t always feel that good at the time.

    She helped me once again gain my wings to move out and on. And we are both much happier now. However, there were some good things about being together, however I feel like I have more of my life going on living in my own home.



  110.  #110Starla on January 30, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    YESSSSSSSS my roomie found a job, this means she is going to be moving out soon!!



  111.  #111Lili 41 on January 30, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    He could at least call to find out if I’m OK, the careless b.
    He knows what’s good for him.
    He’s had enough verbal abuse.



  112.  #112Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Yayy Starla



  113.  #113Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    Lili,

    RE: #107 – LOL!



  114.  #114lk on January 30, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    today i’m going to buy a plain journal & start making a vision book.

    i want to define important words & concepts.

    i want to establish some daily rituals.

    i want to establish some body care rituals.

    i want to sort foods into categories of healthiness, specific to my individual body.

    i want to sort chores.

    i want to play with my expressing my personal sense of style in different contexts (work, public, private).

    i want to practice envisioning my ideal physical body.

    i want to practice envisioning my ideal work.

    i want to practice envisioning my ideal home.

    i want to practice envisioning my ideal financial situation.

    i want to practice envisioning my ideal family.



  115.  #115tenny on January 30, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    REPOST from prior blog (#1034)

    “Good morning Sirens! In my pre-siren days I would take guys away to a B&B for the their birthday, or buy them really really nice gifts, or take them out to dinner. Now I’m totally at a loss what to do for CD Song’s birthday. Any suggestions? Thanks much”

    Lizka (#1040) – I was thinking of writing a poem for him and putting it in a beautiful blank card – but I also want to do something more (I know I shouldn’t but I don’t understand why – fighting off old pre-siren habits).

    Femininewoman(#1048) – We have been dating for 24 days 🙂 He took me to lunch on my actual birthday (day 3) and he came to my birthday costume party (on day 8) and brought expensive wine & spirits (also got a costume so he could fit in with our party theme). I did respond to a text from him and I asked “any ideas what you would like for your birthday?”

    Jilly – (#1051) – It’s my question of the month!!! LOL!

    In my pre-siren days I went all out for a guy’s birthday, and I really enjoyed doing it. Probably enjoyed giving more than some of them enjoyed receiving. But it was probably something in me wanting to make them like/want/love me more – but I like to give to make people happy in general, especially on their birthdays. It makes folks feel special to be remembered.

    Oh, I don’t know what to do as a siren now. . .



  116.  #116tenny on January 30, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    IK

    What a cool idea!!!



  117.  #117Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Tenny see how he responds to your question. I hope Mel weighs in for you as she just went through something similar though he relationship is more established. 24 days in my mind he is still a stranger. Also ask yourself if you feel you owe him because he gave to you?



  118.  #118lk on January 30, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    oh, thank goodness, starla ! : )))



  119.  #119Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    lk in Reconnect Rori encourages us to use the phrase “I intend to …….”. It seems the NVs don’t fight as hard against intentions.



  120.  #120Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Daria,

    RE: #108 and 109 – What Starbright said in 109! I feel xactly the same way!

    In a perfect world, yes, adult “children” and parents should be able to live together in a healthy way.

    But I know you and I both were raised in unhealthy emotional environments. So at least for me, to live with my parents in adulthood is like living around an old house contaminated by lead and expecting to not get lead poisoning.

    At least two therapists expressed deep concern when I told them I was considering living with my Mom again. I love her very dearly and deeply. I feel sad that she is in a nursing home and hates it there. Even now, I have an open invitation for her to live with me. Yet I feel concerned if she says yes (so far she has said no, for numerous reasons), I would really struggle to maintain the emotionally healthy ground I have gained.



  121.  #121Silver Moonbeam on January 30, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    LILI 41

    I just wrote to you on the old blog not realising there was a new one………………………………

    A punching bag is a great idea, when I was going through sh*t with my ex husband I used to go to the gym and work out my great anger on the treadmill and as I walked out I used to go past the room where they did boxing and go to the punch bag and smack it so hard with my right fist and imagine it was his face, the b**tard!!

    Oh that felt so good to do.

    Whatever helps to get you through the night….



  122.  #122Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    By the way Jilly I was sharing with a male friend about how this cd was responding around me not calling. His response was “that’s guy code” and he refused to share with me what he meant. It was just more confirmation to me that I should really lean back and expect to be treated like a princess. Funny enough it seems recently I am getting more guys coming towards me. Last night 3 called out of the blue.



  123.  #123Silver Moonbeam on January 30, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    #108 Daria

    You may want to live with your children when you are old, but will they want you living with them?



  124.  #124lk on January 30, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    @tenny

    for CD’s bday (if he’s still around… : ) lol) i’m going to make tie-dye cupcakes & a silly homemade card… like… i’m picturing drawing some caricatured Disney characters who wouldn’t normally interact participating in some sort of innuendo ? : )

    the tie-dye cupcakes are so much fun to bite into & they look really cute in silver or gold wrappers with white frosting : ))))



  125.  #125Laughing Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    lk, I remember you saying that you like the whomp.

    Some good friends of mine are playing in Denver this weekend and I just love their music (and them) so’s I wanted to pass this on.

    Love and Light in Denver
    https://www.facebook.com/events/142376075864693/



  126.  #126tenny on January 30, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Femininewoman #82

    Let him in if he is going to be nice and do nice things . .. that a new rule for me, going to go write it down in workbook!!!



  127.  #127tenny on January 30, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    can I give him flowers for his birthday if I pick each one hand by hand and arrange them, with little ribbons with poems written on them?



  128.  #128Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Starla,

    RE: #110- Yay! Congratulations!

    For me, I have decided I would rather have the extra expense than to try to manage living with a housemate. It is hard enough to live with a lover, with like goals and purposes and love together. But to live with another person is a challenge that I am weary of. I am so enjoying my solitude! I love to have visitors, like ID and her daughter coming this weekend.

    But then when the house is empty, with just me, my dogs, and cats, I breathe, “Aaaah!”

    It feels so good to adjust the TV, temperature, light, fragrance, etc, just the way I like it! I feel so grateful to have my own home again! It is such a beautiful house, full of natural light in every room! Well, except for the bathroom, cuz I keep the blind closed, LOL! But maybe I will get some frost spray to cloud the window! Yay!

    Beautiful, sireny, romantic house!



  129.  #129tenny on January 30, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    IK

    That is a great idea!!!! I could do a basket of goodies for him, all hand made!!! Do you use food coloring for the frosting?



  130.  #130lk on January 30, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    @femininewoman 119

    thanks for the tip : )))

    i intend to have complete mutual understanding – with myself & in my relationship – that surpasses semantics & linguistics

    i intend to be internally & externally healthy, lovely & perfect

    i intend open communication between myself & the earth

    i intend to release all energy from anger or guilt

    i intend abundance, slowness & ease

    i intend patience & discipline

    i intend unconditional love



  131.  #131Lili 41 on January 30, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    Urrrghhh. 🙁

    The pressure went up to my diaphragm from the bottom of my ribcage.
    It’s now in my heart area.
    I feel it kreeping up my throat to my face.
    My cheaks feel heavy.

    I was never able to get into my body and feel these sensations before.

    I’m gonna go home right now and let it takeover.



  132.  #132tenny on January 30, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Femininewoman

    Yes, I’ll keep you posted on his response (he is working right now and can’t text).

    No, I don’t feel like I owe him. I really enjoyed spending that time with him and didn’t really even pay attention to the stuff he brought because we were having such a great time. Thinking about how I feel (if I owe him anything), I feel like sharing the creativity and goodness in me with him – which I don’t do for many people except family and close friends – because I feel he deserves it. Thinking about why he deserves it – because I have good feelings for him – because he has feelings for me – because I feel his feelings are genuine for me – and that feels special. But it bothers me a little that I used the word deserved … but that is how I feel. hhmmmmmm gotta feel on that some more.



  133.  #133lk on January 30, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    @tenny 129

    i normally don’t. i like the way it looks to have them seem so plain from the outside & then be brilliant swirled colors on the inside : )



  134.  #134Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Lili41 Rori says to put your hand on those places on your body and send love to yourself. She says you are your own healer. Put your hand on the body part and follow the feelings around in your body. I have found that helps me to release whatever feeling it is. Be open to realising it.

    “Even though I feel all this anger, I am open to releasing it out of my body”.



  135.  #135tenny on January 30, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Lili – good for you! Feeling the feelings is in your body is a huge thing!! Just remember to breathe. I can only achieve that sometimes, but breathing always kept me centered. Remember to do something you like afterwards – you must.



  136.  #136Kyla on January 30, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    what does commitment look like if you are not married?
    how do you know its real commitment and not just a girlfriend trap?



  137.  #137Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    LK and Tenny,

    RE: #133 – I like to put rainbow sugar sprinkles on top of the frosting with the colors inside.



  138.  #138tenny on January 30, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    IK

    Ok wow, that sounds unique!!!



  139.  #139Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    Tenny do you expect anything back? What if next year rolls around with him and he gives you nothing? Or what if he gives you nothing for Valentine’s Day?



  140.  #140tenny on January 30, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Brenda

    I’m feeling the rainbow sprinkles!!!



  141.  #141Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Kyla only you can know what commitment looks like to you?



  142.  #142Starla on January 30, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Have I been overestimating CF’s desire to be with me? I’ve had a series of texts today with him about spending more time together that makes me feel a little foolish. i asked him if he was afraid of coming off as pushy, or if he knew that i would actually feel good spending more time with him? And he said he just gets busy and knows I’m busy too but he ‘can be a little pushier, if you like”.

    We see each other like once a week. This is because I’ve stressed firm plans, but I’d like to integrate some supplemental spontaneity.

    on the other hand, i still feel like he’s ‘playing it cool.’ even now in response to my query

    i would like him to stop playing it freaking cool. even when i told him ‘hey btw i know i’ve been complaining about pms cuz my period’s so late, but i took a pregnancy test and it’s negative!” and he was like “yeah i didn’t want to ask but i was wondering…”

    WELL WHY DIDN’T YOU ASK? HEY STARLA, COULD YOU BE PREGNANT?

    or he gets tears of love in his eyes when he looks at me, but he can’t say it!!

    or he tells me he misses me terribly, but can’t insist he come by and see me???

    LEAD
    THE
    WAY
    MAN



  143.  #143Starla on January 30, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    i want a relationship where we’re open about our desires, where we can ask the tough questions like HEY ARE YOU PREGNANT WITH MY BABY? lol

    where he can stick his neck out and say “i want to come by and see you right now” and I can say yes or no sorry i’m busy right now!

    i feel sad and stalled.



  144.  #144Kyla on January 30, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    yes Femininewoman thats true
    just pondering what the difference is to being in a real committed relationship and ‘thinking’ we’re in a real committed relationship when really we’re just a girlfriend to him? having coffee with a friend earlier i was so stumped by this question!



  145.  #145tenny on January 30, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Femininewoman

    I think more than gifts, I expect attention. That may not be good, but I want his attention, his time, his affection – However, nothing for valentine’s day is a no no!!! That would not go over well with me at all, regardless to our respective birthdays LOL!!!

    I’m a holiday kinda girl sometimes. I celebrate them. He doesn’t need to give a gift as long as he/we celebrate the holiday. And I’ve learned to lean back and let him do what he is going to do. Not to make suggestions or drop hints, etc. Most of the time (yes, I know it’s been a short time frame 🙂 ) he come through with nice thoughtful ideas.

    I was wondering about valentine’s day too (which comes before his birthday). IK’s and Brenda’s ideas have me thinking about making chocolate lollipops.

    I digress 🙂 no, I don’t expect any gift giving in return, but I do expect attention/celebration. I could tell him about this one day in a feeling message (when he asks questions about me – he is so surprising sometimes with the questions he asks to get to know me better – always catches me off guard, but I’m always honest to answer).



  146.  #146Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Hellooooooo

    I’m having a weird day. I feel stressed about not hearing from AroundTheWorldCD (and I heard that a girl from my office hang out with him last Friday and I had a panic moment) and I feel stressed that he will never call back again and that I prepared all these FMs for nothing and I feel worried that it was just for sex…

    But on the other hand, I feel excited about some stuff that happened and I just want to smile.

    I’m feeling smiley and the next minute worried… Strange feeling. I so wish he would call me…

    I will be pretty busy this week so I shouldn’t have too much time to focus on him, but at work, it’s so easy to loose my focus and think of him. Specially that everyone knows him here and his name pops up pretty often…

    I just wish he would call me. Please universe. I’ve been good in the last day and so many times I refocused on me when I thought of him. I think I deserve it.

    Feeling hopeful. 🙂



  147.  #147tenny on January 30, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Kyla

    What type of commitment do you want? Not looking at what you have, but think of what you want? What is your commitment leading to? Marriage? Children together? Buying a home together? Living together? Growing old together?



  148.  #148lk on January 30, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    @Starla

    “or he gets tears of love in his eyes when he looks at me, but he can’t say it!!”

    oh.. um but i feel this way… i just can’t quite say it yet.

    with other men, i’ve said it feeling how i feel now… but i feel….. if i just wait until it feels “right”…. then something magical will happen : ))))))

    but i KNOW i feel that way…. & i hope that cd knows… i try to tell him sometimes with my mind ?

    maybe cf is trying to tell you with his mind ?



  149.  #149Starla on January 30, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    he is now hinting that he’s been playing it cool, but i feel tired of guessing what it all means. i want out of his head.

    i am thinking of sending a text back, “thank you for explaining:)…i feel sad thinking i’ll just end up like 2 ships passing in the night with a man i think the world of because he was scared to come off as pushy and played it too cool.”



  150.  #150lk on January 30, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    @starla

    “Have I been overestimating CF’s desire to be with me? I’ve had a series of texts today with him about spending more time together that makes me feel a little foolish. i asked him if he was afraid of coming off as pushy, or if he knew that i would actually feel good spending more time with him? And he said he just gets busy and knows I’m busy too but he ‘can be a little pushier, if you like.’

    “We see each other like once a week. This is because I’ve stressed firm plans, but I’d like to integrate some supplemental spontaneity.

    “on the other hand, i still feel like he’s ‘playing it cool.’ even now in response to my query”

    i wonder if maybe cf was feeling Pressure or Blame in the way you were making Queries ? ……. hmmm & i know if i feel “pms” i have NO control over my tone & i also have a very difficult time reading the other person’s tone or intent….. hm.



  151.  #151Starla on January 30, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    my biggest fear is i will settle for second best with another man because what he lacked in CF’s good qualities, he made up for with the level of caveman pushiness i crave as a female.

    i feel stalled. he’s moving. and i told him i didn’t want to sleep with him unless we had a private place to do it where ic ould relax, and this was weeks ago, he said he would find us some place, and never has. we slept together once and he doesn’t bring it up unless i do. i know he wants me, so what’s stopping him, i believe, is not wanting to be too pushy.

    but this is getting ridiculous

    i’m going out with other guys and he is going to LOSE me (and I will lose him, sad)



  152.  #152Jilly on January 30, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    Starla…I’m not sure what you are talking about 😉 You and CF appear perfect together from this angle!! 🙂



  153.  #153tenny on January 30, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    ((((((((((Starla ))))))))))))

    Don’t feel stuck honey. It seems like CF has the potential to step up the way you like . . . he seems to have offered to be more pushy . . . maybe explore that some more and see what he does? He can step up and it might not look just how you want/expect it to, but he if he is stepping up, it shows that he is into you and wants things to work out with you. Maybe give him the opportunity, what do you think?



  154.  #154Jilly on January 30, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    oops Starla…I see…I posted my post before I saw the above post…I get what you are saying 🙂



  155.  #155tenny on January 30, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Starla – I wouldn’t text him that message. Maybe take a few hours to get into your feelings and then text him a feeling message. You are really good with feeling messages, so give yourself some time to feel your feelings?



  156.  #156Starla on January 30, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    lk, i was actually feeling really proud of myself how i asked. it wasn’t rori perfect, but he still seemed a little defensive. i don’t think this is MY doing, i think he’s a defensive guy terrified of letting me down.

    i don’t want to be leading when we hang out. i don’t want to be leading what conversation topics we explore, like our future, like whether I’M FREAKING PREGNANT OR NOT, like the fact that he’s moving an hour away and we haven’t discussed it at all since our hypothetical convo about if he were to move away.

    i feel like i’m in the dark and i’m not okay with it. he can take all the time he needs and i’ll keep dating others, but what if he never gets brave enough to open the conversation? we’ll just drift apart, or he’ll wait until i’ve developed real feelings for someone else and it’s obvious.

    i feel so sad.



  157.  #157Jilly on January 30, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    FW @122…wow…guy’s code?? huh 🙂 yay…that’s right…lean back and expect to be treated like a princess… 🙂 and 3 last night!!?? Awesome 🙂



  158.  #158tenny on January 30, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    Lizka –

    If you don’t call or text or email or anything, bet he will be wondering why not 🙂 hang in there – lean back and let him come to you – He’s wondering why you haven’t contacted him, don’t you think?



  159.  #159Starla on January 30, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    the question was actually innocent, but only cuz i thought the answer was “yes you’re right, i’m playing it cool, i’ll stop now!”

    silly me and my tunnel vision and projections.

    it’s not innocent anymore so i’m going to stop.

    i was going to ask him to drive me home from a dinner tonight where my DD will actually be DRINKING grrrrrr (and i don’t have a car), but now i feel needy and stupid and unloveable



  160.  #160Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    Starla,

    Have you ever seen the movie, “Always”? It was made in 1989: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096794/.

    I recommend watching it with your man. She never heard her man say, “I love you”. The key message of the movie was stated near the end of it:

    “The love we hold back is the only pain that follows us in death.”

    It will make your point in a most beautiful way, because it is the whole underlying message of the movie.



  161.  #161Jilly on January 30, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    (((Starla)))



  162.  #162tenny on January 30, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Starla, in your position I would give a feeling message to express how I feel about these things you raised, but that feels so leaning forward. I just thought about it, maybe this is a question you might want to run by Rori because each of my thoughts is a leaning forward suggestions, and there has to be another way to handle this.



  163.  #163tenny on January 30, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Brenda

    “The love we hold back is the only pain that follows us in death.”

    That is like soooooo beautiful!



  164.  #164Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Starla also the thing that came to mind is an email I read that suggested that guys kind of get used to women using sex(pregnancy) as a trap. It is an old trick so I would encourage you to stick by yourself.



  165.  #165Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Tenny,

    RE: #163 – I think so, too! It is stated at the climax of the movie. It is my Mom’s favorite movie, and I gave her a video of it as a gift a few years ago. I watched the movie with her on Christmas Day and on New Year’s Day! It is a perfect movie in my estimation!



  166.  #166Laughing Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Starla:

    Awww honey, I agree with Tenny. Maybe just step back and take some time to nurture and love yourself up.

    If CF doesn’t step up and you fall in love with someone else, would that really be all that bad?

    The thing is, you would be in LOVE!!!!

    You would maybe feel some sadness for CF, but I’m imagining your primary feeling would be love, because you would be in love!



  167.  #167Starla on January 30, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    omg ladies, i sucked up my “poor me victimhood” attitude about not being able to ask CF for a ride tonight, and i called him and asked for a ride tonight, very simply, “i’m going to a restaurant tonight with my best friend’s family, they’re all going to be drinking and i don’t want a drunk, late ride home, can you pick me up?”

    his answer, “i would be HONORED and THRILLED!”



  168.  #168luzydel on January 30, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    Im giving myself permission to feel confused … to like “s” sometimes and reject him others. To allow myself not to be sure what I want. I give myself permission to say what’s on my mind even of it comes out wrong … I give myself permission to make mistakes …



  169.  #169Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    “I recommend watching it with your man.” Excellent idea for the storytelling tool. As CCarter says the man in the story will be him and the woman in the story will be you – in your mind – without you having to say anything.



  170.  #170Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    (((Starla))),

    “Sink down into the soup, through the dark tunnel, and out into the light!” ~ Rori Raye



  171.  #171Starla on January 30, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    thank you ladies for tending to my query:) I think I will ask Rori when I have the time to type something coherent for her, great suggestion!!:):)



  172.  #172Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Cake! What do I like better: the cake, the frosting, or THE BATTER!!!!!” The latter! LOL~ 😆



  173.  #173tenny on January 30, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Luzydel

    ” I give myself permission to make mistakes …” Wow, that’s deep. I would love to be able to do that. Mistakes are a major trigger for me in my life these days. Thanks for sharing that.



  174.  #174Femininewoman on January 30, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    RE 170 Great to see you quoting from Reconnect



  175.  #175Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    I feel excited, happy, hopeful, twitterpated, grounded, elated, anticipating, loved, loving, free, clear-minded, and wise!



  176.  #176Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    FW,

    RE: #174 – Heeheeheeeee! Rori is so wonderful!



  177.  #177lk on January 30, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    @Starla

    i keep finding that the more & more i talk about my uncomfortable feelings… the better things are. even when i feel i’m “obsessing” or even “inventing” !

    just keeping the Blame to absolutely Zero.

    & really, i’ve been riffing out loud & it’s amazing.

    one thing i just noticed about myself is that a reason i want to eliminate cigarettes is because when i go a few days without 1 i begin to have spurts of irritation without recognizing them as nicotine withdrawal.

    sorry for that random interruption

    i did want to play with a feeling message….. maybe like…..

    oh, cf. really i feel so sad right now…. i don’t want to blame you or make you feel wrong…… because i really feel amazing around you & i think you’re pretty much the Standard for a Good Man : ) …. but i’m just feeling so scared & i don’t want to feel scared. i want to feel safe & cared-for …. i keep imagining what will happen when you move…. & i feel lost. & that makes me feel horribly sad because i don’t want to be lost from you….. & i don’t know what to do or say right now…. because i just feel sad & confused & overwhelmed….. it seems like it would feel nice to have more plans around seeing each other…. but right now i just feel sad. i feel so sad imagining you moving away & us just drifting apart… & i don’t know what to do. what do you think ?



  178.  #178Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Tenny,

    RE: #173 – I used to feel terrified and full of shame playing volleyball, because I feared making mistakes. I had a major breakthrough the night I played with a wonderful player, the best I had ever seen.

    Each time I missed the ball or hit the net, he was tapping my arm and smiling at me, “It’s okay! It’s okay!”



  179.  #179Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Ryan is so precious! He is such a mix of beautiful things! I saw him so vulnerable last night! He opened up to me as never before! Ah! I loved every minute of it! He is breathtaking, inside and out!



  180.  #180lk on January 30, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    @Starla 167

    lovely. what a good man !



  181.  #181Starla on January 30, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    lk, ohh thank you for playing with feeling msgs for my situation!

    I am 2 months cig free (not even 1 puff!) but I felt cravings come up last time I saw him. It was an anxiousness trying to find a name, and the name was nicotine withdrawal, but that anxiousness will find a different name next time! It’s not the cigs at all, is what I’m saying. Anyway, CF took me home and rubbed my back into sleepiness, so I woke up craving-free. Awww



  182.  #182Daria on January 30, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    *so you broke into this man’s home… showed up univited… did not have the key/did not use it…

    as endearing as im sure he finds it to see a young woman throwing herself at his feet and fistfighting for him…

    he seems a very patient and wise man…

    im sure he will not stop pursuing you…

    but it makes it harder for him to get close and build a real relationship with you…

    with all the cute drama and fist throwing

    lol

    hes probably chuckling to himself

    about how adorable that is

    and about when his baby will calm down



  183.  #183lk on January 30, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    @Brenda 175

    : )))))))) that sounds lovely !!!

    yummy sirens, nice news : )



  184.  #184Senior Lady Vibe on January 30, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    @120: Brenda says:
    “…At least two therapists expressed deep concern when I told them I was considering living with my Mom again. I love her very dearly and deeply. I feel sad that she is in a nursing home and hates it there….”

    There is something very delicious about being the mistress of ones own space even if it’s very tiny. Have you thought about buying a multi-family dwelling as a solution? You could be together or apart as you like. And it solves the proverbial problem of “two women in the same kitchen.”



  185.  #185Senior Lady Vibe on January 30, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Wise words from Maya Angelou:

    “I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.”
    ~ Maya Angelou



  186.  #186tenny on January 30, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    CD Smoothie gave me the most beautiful gift of perfume!! I love it!!! He was gazing deep into my eyes, but not smiling – I saw sadness. I’m glad he didn’t make any mention of CD Song. He seemed hurt in a way, but we are still friends. We’ve been friends for years. He said to me when I broke up with CDex “when you were single you did not get together with me and I been waiting for you not to be with anybody.” But then, when I gave him a chance to date me, I didn’t want a relationship (had the no girlfriend speech), but was open to an intimate relationship if that happened, but he didn’t make any assertive moves, so we just had our dates. He may have been in love with me, and maybe he still is, but he said our friendship means the most to him and he would never do anything to interfere with our friendship. But the hurt in his eyes is almost too much for me.



  187.  #187Senior Lady Vibe on January 30, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    More from Maya Angelou:

    “Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
    I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
    But when I start to tell them,
    They think I’m telling lies.
    I say,
    It’s in the reach of my arms
    The span of my hips,
    The stride of my step,
    The curl of my lips.
    I’m a woman
    Phenomenally.
    Phenomenal woman,
    That’s me.”

    ~ Maya Angelou, “Phenomenal Woman: Four Poems Celebrating Women”

    SLV
    Phenomenal Woman



  188.  #188Daria on January 30, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    *it seems you are abusing this man, bossing and lording over this man… he is probably deeply infatuated with you and finds it adorable…

    hmmm but is it serving you?

    what can you receive from leaning back and remaining open…



  189.  #189tenny on January 30, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    SLV

    No truer words ever spoken!!!



  190.  #190Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    Tenny –

    I know. And I’ve been trying all day to convince to do so and I should just use my own advices. But it’s sooo hard!!!



  191.  #191Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    SLV,

    RE: #184 – I would love to do that! I just can’t afford it. I am doing well to be affording a small two bedroom house. If I had money, I would do that, and I would also hire a private nurse and/or nurse’s aide for her. She has complex health issues.



  192.  #192Daria on January 30, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    and me, i realized im scared TO DEATH of women.

    i felt this CA GHEATZA, feeling… like ice

    ice wave went through me

    when i though neighbor’s wife was at the door

    and im not doing ANYTHING

    and everyone i know seems to be jealous of me around their man

    and i feel vulnerable
    and sCARED!!

    in my LIFE!!!

    ugh!!!

    i want to be able to beat bit*ches up!!!

    im SCARED

    women will try ot jump me around their men!

    jezuz christ help me!

    it feels terrifying to live like this

    i want to heal this



  193.  #193Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    SLV,

    RE: #185 – Right on! I sure miss my Dad! He’s been gone 8 years. I think of him with great affection, and I feel so thankful we had such deep healing in our relationship before he passed away.



  194.  #194tenny on January 30, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Brenda

    # 178

    Thanks for sharing that!!! Wow, pointing out it was okay made you focus and stay in the game!!! Love it!



  195.  #195Daria on January 30, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    reneej – i just read your post!

    first response : EW!

    this guy means you NO gOOD… good riddance

    you deserve better and i MEAN that – it might look like im overeacting

    you need to practice letting him go…

    if he shows up again… respond with a feeling message…



  196.  #196tenny on January 30, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    CD Song just text me to call him.

    I was so ready with feeling messages and other stuff I wanted to get out, but then I just listened and he was working himself to ask me out on a date. Oh my, I’ve got to learn to slow it down and receive



  197.  #197Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    The goddess self me feels peaceful, confident, relaxed, beautiful, together, intelligent, pensive, creative, capable, sensual, attractive, pampered, and loving.



  198.  #198Starla on January 30, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    daria what does “ca” mean?



  199.  #199tenny on January 30, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Lizka

    I know – I’m the greatest at giving advice, and the worst at doing what I know I should do!!! But since I’ve been posting here, I’ve gotten better at following through on the sireny thing to do 🙂 Hang in there. Rori’s tools for getting into ourselves work great at these kinds of times.



  200.  #200Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    This is the Peter Cetera song Ryan and I listened to last night as he gazed at me and smiled so lovingly. I was living a dream:

    Glory of Love

    Writer: CETERA, PETER/FOSTER, DAVID/NINI, DIANE

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIYfgXKloMU&feature=colike

    Tonight it’s very clear, as we’re both standing here,
    there’s so many things I want to say
    I will always love you, I will never leave you alone.

    Sometimes I just forget, say things I might regret,
    it breaks my heart to see you crying.
    I don’t want to lose you,
    I could never make it alone.

    I am a man who would fight for your honor,
    I’ll be the hero you’re dreaming of.
    We’ll live forever,knowing together
    that we did it all for the glory of love.

    You keep me standing tall, you help me through it all,
    I’m always strong when you’re beside me.
    I have always needed you,
    I could never make it alone.

    I am a man who would fight for your honor,
    I’ll be the hero you’re dreaming of.
    We’ll live forever,knowing together
    that we did it all for the glory of love.

    Just like a knight in shining armor,
    from a long time ago.
    Just in time I will save the day,
    take you to my castle far away.

    I am a man who would fight for your honor,
    I’ll be the hero you’re dreaming of.
    We’ll live forever,knowing together
    that we did it all for the glory of love.

    We’ll live forever, knowing together
    that we did it all for the glory of love.



  201.  #201tenny on January 30, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    ReeneJ – Welcome!

    I just read your post, and I agree with Daria. You did the right thing to unfriend him. Lean back and let him initiate whatever however. Are you CDing?



  202.  #202Senior Lady Vibe on January 30, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    “When are you too old to have a baby?”
    http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/risks-later-life-pregnancy-pt-1



  203.  #203lk on January 30, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    i’m curious about some internal things toward which i notice myself issuing Decrees of Silence



  204.  #204lk on January 30, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    @SLV 202

    do you want to become pregnant ?



  205.  #205Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    This Peter Cetera song had played earlier, and he turned up the volume in the car:

    You’re the Inspiration

    Writer: FOSTER, DAVID / CETERA, PETER

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbgO1O3uiv4&feature=colike

    You know our love was meant to be
    The kind of love to last forever
    And I want you here with me
    From tonight until the end of time
    You should know
    Everywhere I go
    Always on my mind
    In my heart
    In my soul
    Baby

    You’re the meaning in my life
    You’re the inspiration
    You bring feeling to my life
    You’re the inspiration
    want to have you near me
    I want to have you hear me saying
    “No one needs you more than I need you”

    And I know (And I know)
    Yes I know that it’s plain to see
    So in love when we’re together
    Now I know (Now I know)
    That I need you here with me
    From tonight until the end of time
    You should know (Yes, you need to know )
    Everywhere I go
    You’re always on my mind
    You’re in my heart
    In my soul

    You’re the meaning in my life
    You’re the inspiration
    You bring feeling to my life
    You’re the inspiration
    want to have you near me
    I want to have you hear me saying
    “No one needs you more than I need you”
    (No one needs you more than I)
    want to have you near me
    I want to have you hear me saying
    “No one needs you more than I need you”
    (No one needs you more)
    You’re the meaning in my life
    You’re the inspiration
    You bring feeling to my life
    You’re the inspiration

    When you love somebody
    Till the end of time
    When you love somebody
    Always on my mind. No one needs you more than I
    When you love somebody
    Till the end of time
    When you love somebody
    Always on my mind. No on needs you more than I



  206.  #206Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    I have to keep myself busy to stop thinking of him or worst leaning forward!!!

    I’m on my way to the grocery, that feels fun. I love doing the grocery and buying healthy stuff and plannin my dinners and lunches.

    When home, I’ll (finaly!) do my nails, oh! And monday it’s my tv night! Niiiice! Ok I should be good until tomorrow at least….



  207.  #207LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    The river of tears is flowing now. 🙁

    I wish D was here so I could cry on his chest.
    Not to seek comfort from him, but to have him really feel my pain.

    That’s why I constantly beat him on the head w a stick and kicked him around.
    I wanted him to feel my pain.
    All that did was generate more pain and more hurt.

    I have to forgive like never before.
    I have to love like never before.
    I have to give that to him as much as myself.
    Giving that to him is giving that to myself.
    That DOES NOT MEAN being a carpet.
    NOT necessarily to have him back, but to have myself and my dream with whomever that might be.

    I feel like a rejected piece of nothing 🙁
    I rejected myself by feeding my vengeful hateful unforgiving monster.
    When we kick someone around and hurt them, we only hurt ourselves.

    I learned to stop verbally beating up my family and shower them w love.
    I had the courage and audacity to do it 1st before they ever did!
    I poured out so much forgiveness and love no matter how badly they had treated me.
    and they started to shower me w love!

    Why am I so pigheaded and resistant to bring that to my love life and give that precious gift to myself!
    Why do I insist on giving myself garbage by giving out garbage!

    It’s like I’ve been pulling and pulling and pulling at the root with all my might…but is so deep and strong.
    It will take the strength of Hercules to pull it out!

    I was imagining myself crying my heart out on his bear chest.
    He must be feeling my vibes.
    But I don’t want to dump all my hurt feelings onto men anymore, I want them to feel my love not my pain.
    I don’t want them to keep beating their head on my thick cold concrete wall!
    I want that wall to become a warm soft cushy blanket they can land on.



  208.  #208Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    SLV,

    RE: #202 – I saw a news section showing a 70 year old mother of a newborn! They said modern technology pretty much removes the limits! They commented on how it’s sad for the child, who probably won’t have a mother after she passes away, most likely before s/he is grown.

    I want to have at least one baby. I am making an effort with the Law of Attraction and picturing my back bedroom decorated as a baby room!



  209.  #209tenny on January 30, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    Daria –

    You know, I can relate to that fear.
    Just want to share something with you.

    I used to be afraid of women. I thought so many of them were hateful and mean and cliquish. Many were my own family members.

    I tried to do the same thing they were doing, to hold my own, fight them off (I was around some nasties, really). I was so afraid of them that I was even willing to physically fight them – and I let them know so, because I wanted to overcome the fear. But that was so far from where my head and heart were at…

    Then, as I started to learn my own positiveness, I realized that the “power” I thought they had (this is where my fear was) was actually their weaknesses dressed up in an attempt to make me feel less than them. I was indeed a Queen in their midst and they tried to make me feel less that what I was.

    Therefore, see the reality of the what was transpiring at that time, I was the more powerful woman there because I found the balance between being a woman and dealing with others – that is, that beauty is SUPPOSED to be positive and glowing and womanly and sexy and wonderful and lovely. Not mean, evil and nasty. There is no power in the negative for a Queen.

    So I realized that those women I had to be around all day, they were the ones who could not muster any positiveness – they could not rise to be Queens until they learned what I KNEW.

    So – in the true light of day, they were weak-minded “crabs in a pot.”

    And then, guess what? I started to recognize other women like me instead!!! Positive, upbeat, on the move . . . and it was beautiful because that fear was replaced with admiration.

    Like here, on this blog. I have admiration for you, and for everyone else (Rori too!) because you are honest and smart and have beautiful souls and you share that all with everyone here, giving advice, sharing experiences, etc. Queens!

    Don’t know if that helps, but wanted to share it.



  210.  #210lk on January 30, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    dollars – sources, applications, availabilities

    clothing – honor & self-valuation

    gender roles – in private & in public

    education – of children & of adults

    labor – community & purpose

    home – structure & sacredness

    marriage – symbols & law

    food – life & desire

    time – discipline & magic

    spirit – continuity & nonexistence



  211.  #211tenny on January 30, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    Lili

    He is not worthy, even of your pain, not even of the pain he deserves for hurting you.

    He is spineless and not worthy of you, he doesn’t even deserve to share the same air you breathe.

    Someone told me a long time ago that everyone who does you wrong has something coming to them, and you don’t have to lift a finger to make it happen – Just sit back and watch it happen to them! D will suffer, and you don’t even have to be near him for it to happen. Trust me, this is sooooo true.

    In the meantime, let the tears flow, and feel better and stronger. You don’t need him for anything. You did a fabulous job of handling this situation – now keep him out, where he belongs.



  212.  #212Daria on January 30, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    inima-n dinti – take my heart in my teeth

    its a thing we all subconsciously learn to do in my culture

    its thats why my teeth tingle and get tight

    its like tightening your heart for a moment so you can do something scary

    like jump in a cold river

    thats why sometimes when im scared – i UMPH

    tighten it up in my teeth and pull myself up like defensive

    but im SHuT DoWN in my heart

    so its no compassion

    just fairness and ruthlessness

    all from the head and the proud of the body and spine



  213.  #213Daria on January 30, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    but my heart is actually SOOOO Vulnerable

    i feel scared ALL THE TIME

    🙁

    and i feel sad for myself

    im like a scary rabbit

    🙁

    i love me

    🙁

    aww i feel poor me

    🙁



  214.  #214Daria on January 30, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    its actually kinda cute!



  215.  #215Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Does any Siren have a good FM idea for when M finally calls? I don’t think I can mention the hwy thing.



  216.  #216LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    209:

    That’s beautiful Tenny. 🙂

    That goes to show: No one else can make you feel less than, only you can do that to yourself.

    Hourray for finding your way!



  217.  #217Daria on January 30, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    i learned how to “soldier up” hehe and take my heart in my teeth

    i thnk bracing myself like that does help jumping in an icy river tho… maybe… so i dont burst my heart

    or when stealing… so my vibes dont give me away if im scared?

    but then i gotta release the energy///????

    mmmm

    mmm

    relaxing and flowing feels way nice

    this heart in teeth is like just for jumping!



  218.  #218tenny on January 30, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    IK

    # 177

    Wow, I really liked your proposed feeling message!!!



  219.  #219lk on January 30, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    @Lolita 215

    why not ?

    i’d DEFINITELY say, aww hi it’s nice to hear your voice…. i saw you on the hwy & actually it felt like i was being ignored & i felt so sad & humiliating like being excluded by kids at recess or something… really sad & lonely…..



  220.  #220Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    (((LILI))) you deserve so much more. I cant imagine your pain from walking in. Be strong and we are here for you. It’s still fresh but I know you will heal.



  221.  #221Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    LK, I am afraid if I mention the car thing it will create a bigger gap between us. I want to be positive and open. I don’t want to mention it on the phone. I would prefer something about feeling lonely he didn’t call all weekend.



  222.  #222tenny on January 30, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    Okay, Lolita, post how you feel and I will work on it. Gotta run out for a few. I’ll post when I come back. But I’m sure other sirens will have some good FMs for you too.



  223.  #223tenny on January 30, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    Um Lolita, include how you feel about the highway incident today too in your feelings, let’s at least explore it, okay?



  224.  #224Butterfly wings on January 30, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    Hi everybody! Sorry I’ve been MIA and I haven’t even caught up on the last post yet (I think I got to #668 or soemthing).

    Lili, I’m not sure what happened, but I just want to send you a HUGE (((HUG))), cos I can clearly see you’re hurting about something.

    Thinking of you and hope you’re ok.

    xxx



  225.  #225LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    215:

    (((Lolita))),

    I wish I could help you.
    I don’t feel inspired at all for FMs right now.

    My FM to M would be “I feel like kicking you in the nu7s hard enough so you see stars”

    Please don’t use that. lol



  226.  #226tenny on January 30, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Lili

    🙂

    Thank you, it was a rough time period – I just had a flashback 🙂



  227.  #227tenny on January 30, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    Lili

    # 225

    OMG, you made me laugh!!! I’m feeling that one honey!



  228.  #228Butterfly wings on January 30, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    TH has lent me his bluetooth keyboard that he bought to use with his iPad. I’m using it with my phone and it’s GREAT! I can type on my phone properly! 😀

    Things are great here right now. TH is still “living” with me (two months it’s almost been!), I’m feeling really happy, and life is just good in general.

    Oh and after ditching that job I didn’t want the other day, I’ve potentially picked up at least one more that is more in line with what I want to do, so yay!



  229.  #229LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    224:

    Hi BW !!!

    I missed you so much.

    Remember our same situations?

    You took the right turn and I took the wrong turn.

    Please read it on the last thread starting on Sunday morning.

    I really want you to read it all so you can see how you went on the right track of forgiveness and trust.
    I also want you to stay there on that right track.

    Reading the result of me staying on the wrong track will strengthen your position on the right track.

    I love you BW and want you to keep giving yourself the best as you are doing.

    You have it perfectly right Siren!!



  230.  #230Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    Lolita and LK,

    RE: #219 – I like LK’s feeling message. But I would save it until I am with him in person.

    I used to give “negative” feeling messages like that to Ryan, and it just kept him away. I think he needs to feel welcome first, then get together, then share yucky feelings.

    What do you think?



  231.  #231Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    (((BW))),

    RE: @224 – Good morning! 🙂



  232.  #232Ella on January 30, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Feeling tired.



  233.  #233Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    Lili and Lolita,

    RE: #224 – ““I feel like kicking you in the nu7s hard enough so you see stars”” LOLOLOLOL~! 😆

    Or how bout, “Hey, bastard, WTF were you doing hiding from me on the highway? Jacka$$! Yellow piece of sh1t! I’m here dying of suffocation while you are away, and you hide from me?! I hate your guts!”

    I really think we should write our own scripts and start our own website on have the relationship you want! I think our feeling messages far outdo Rori’s, LOL!



  234.  #234Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    LILI, that’s so funny and it’s pretty much how I feel right now. I totally understand you can’t do FMs right now too with what is going on in your life.

    LK, Tenny, butterflywings, Brenda, and all other Sirens:

    It feels so good hear your voice right now because I felt so forgotten this weekend after feeling so close last week. I feel I miss you and it feels bad when I don’t hear from you everyday…



  235.  #235Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    BW,

    RE: #228 – Yay for you! You go, girl!



  236.  #236Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    Lolita,

    RE: #234 – Lean back skills are tuff for me, as you all well know. And I have been using a tremendous amount of energy to not contact Ryan. And now he is finally coming back my direction!

    Even tho I have not done this much, I really think it is worth the effort. An in between way to handle it is, next time he contacts you, “I feel confused.”

    Him: Why?

    Lolita: I feel so happy to hear your voice, and I feel kind of neglected, too.

    If it were me, I’d start fresh on the phone and not bring it up at all. Or again, wait until I was in person.



  237.  #237LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    233:

    Brenda,

    lolololololol Hihihihhiii hahahaaaahaha!!!

    I’m laughing my head off! 😀

    Why don’t we just shoot out the honest hearfelt feelings, and then translate in FMs?

    I mean it’s just us here. So why not rif off.
    Who knows, might be easier to translate in FMs?

    I’m going back to read your post Brenda, it’s hilarious! 😀

    Ahh feels so good to laugh right now.



  238.  #238Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    Lili,

    RE: #237 – LOL, it’s fun! Ok, I’ll translate this one into feeling messages:

    ““I feel like kicking you in the nu7s hard enough so you see stars”” LOLOLOLOL~! 😆

    I FEEL SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW! I FEEL LIKE KICKING SOMETHING!

    Or how bout, “Hey, bastard, WTF were you doing hiding from me on the highway? Jacka$$! Yellow piece of sh1t! I’m here dying of suffocation while you are away, and you hide from me?! I hate your guts!”

    I FELT SO UNSEEN ON THE HIGHWAY THE OTHER DAY. I FEEL SO LONELY WHEN I DON’T HEAR FROM YOU.



  239.  #239Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Brenda, you’re probably right – I don’t want it to create a long discussion on the phone and also I can’t see his reaction.



  240.  #240Sun Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    I just got back from the doctors and he finally just looked at me and said that we can’t keep doing this you need to get a hysterectomy. I feel so scared. I feel like there’s this giant ball of anger and fear just resting in my throat and I can’t breathe. I feel ignored and unsupported by people around me. It even felt like LP was shunning me. My little girl needs to be held while the tears roll down my face, but I’m all alone like a scared abandoned puppy.



  241.  #241LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    233:

    Brenda, I’m still laughing out loud at that!

    Thank you so much! xox

    Hahahaaaahhhaaahahaha, hihihihahahahah!!!!! 😀



  242.  #242Dominique on January 30, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Femininewoman – #61 I’m not referring to this. I’m talking about when others offer support and what they feel strongly are good ideas that will help, and this is not heard, or it can even be rejected.

    xxoo



  243.  #243sensual on January 30, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    I had an experience yesterday that felt pretty enlightening in the spirit of learning not to lean forward. In the morning through my work I met a famous athlete who is single and hot! after the morning’s work, he said he’d enjoyed himself so much and asked me to join him and his friend for lunch. yey! I joined and had a lovely lunch and used some feeling messages. During lunch my girlfriend text me and I said she could come and join us. After lunch, he waited at the bar with me and bought me a drink until my friend arrived. I was leaning back, being feminine…and especially so since he is fairly well known. My girlfriend arrived and was in TOTAL BOY! I felt so embarrassed by how forward she was leaning, I felt it reflecting on me too! he did ask what we were doing for the afternoon and I said we’d be in the area and to feel free to text us later…my friend jumped in at this point and practically begged him to contact us! then he asked what we were doing for dinner and I said i wasn’t sure yet….again my friend started saying things like “yes yes call us, let’s go for dinner ” etc etc during the goodbye, he said “maybe i’ll see you girls later” and again my friend jumped in and said ” yes, text us” aaaagh i wanted to scream! After he left, i informed my friend that i’d found her approach a bit aggressive since he’d already expressed interest in seeing us. I heard nothing from him again and at 6pm there was such a beautiful sunset so i stupidly leaned forward and said ” look out of your window there is a beautiful sunset :)” i got no reply and never heard from him again! lol gulp i feel ick and breathe, leaning lessons! haha



  244.  #244LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    240:

    (((((Sun Goddess)))))

    They may not be ignoring you, they may really be holding back not to trigger your bad feelings or emphasize them.
    They do love you. They’re surely just doing it in the way they think is best for you.

    We are here for you, just tell us what you need.



  245.  #245Memulo on January 30, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    I have a local disaster it feels like 🙁

    My sick guy texted me at 6pm today.. I was ready to cry already. He said: Hi, when can you meet? Where? What kind of food?

    I replied very warmly and said XX area, french or Italian would be nice, thank you.

    He: Did Italian. My piano. YY area (where he lives)

    ????

    I said: Would you like to talk over the phone?

    25 mins later, just now, I got a text with the address of a fancy restaurant next to where I live.

    I am all nerves and felt like crying 3 times already in the past hour. What is this??



  246.  #246Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    (((SUN GODDESS))) I am a mother too, I know how you feel about your little girl crying while you are facing this kind of situation and feelings.



  247.  #247Daria on January 30, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Memulo – sounds like you’re doing great!



  248.  #248Starla on January 30, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Memulo, when you meet him, let him know “it feels good to be finally connecting with you, and gosh i felt a little overwhelmed trying to keep up with the planning. i feel so much more relaxed when there are firm plans in advance — what do you think?”



  249.  #249Lolita on January 30, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    MEMULO, I don’t get his texts. What is the My Piano???



  250.  #250Sun Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    You know my mom told me today that I need to do what is best for me and stop worrying about what others thought. I stopped for a second and realized that I don’t know what that feels like to just worry about me. I mean I started doing nice things for me in small doses but I don’t know how to just say it is all about Sun Goddess until she gets better. I worry about my little clients, taking time from work, my own children, my exhusband and his stuff, and now Im all worried about why LP is treating me like this. I want so bad to pick up the phone and say “what the hell LP you promised you would call me 20 mins ago but instead you’d rather me hurt alone all by myself.”



  251.  #251Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    I had a long, busy day at work today… and feel relieved to be staying in tonight. Girls are doing homework, I’ll start dinner in a few. They want breakfast for dinner, so easy since I have homefries and bacon already cooked and in the frig. from yesterday. I feel like having my fettucini alfredo chicken and a salad, also already made…. so quick and easy and yummy and delicious. Brenda, so happy you had a nice evening with Ryan. Enjoy the feel good moments, and remember to focus on yourself! I’m glad you feel good and motivated to lose weight. My nephews wedding is in May, and I’m using that as my goal date to lose 25 pounds! I found myself daydreaming about my ex a few times today, special moments from the weekend, and that felt warm and special. But, I also found myself remembering a lot of words here about how they can do all this great stuff, and it still doesn’t mean they want to marry you. What I feel good about, what I can control…. is that I won’t lean forward, I won’t overfunction, I will focus on what makes me feel good and happy, and my growth. I will make the changes I want to be my best self, for me. Maybe he’ll notice and appreciate that, maybe he’ll notice my not overfunctioning… still doesn’t mean that he’ll want to get back together, and I am ok with that. because I’m not doing the work to get him back, I’m changing and growing to be my best self for ME. I hope there will be an amazing man in my future…. and I feel sure there will be opportunity with him, but if not him, someone better as LG said.

    Universe, bring me him, or something better! 🙂

    Off to fry some eggs. Hugs to you all!!!



  252.  #252Starla on January 30, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Hi Turquoise, nice to see you:):):) hugggssss



  253.  #253Sun Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    I feel like I am underneath this rock that no one wants to take the time or effort to move to see if I am still there. I’m drinking all alone because I don’t know what else to do right now.



  254.  #254Daria on January 30, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    mmm sooooooo

    i felt all freaked out and just like i was talking about on blog

    NEIGHBORS WIFE SHOWED UP

    and practicaly chased me

    haha and i feeling messaged her

    i said I FEEL SCARED

    and then i told her i havent messed with him since he’s been married and i used to talk to him a long time ago since way before he’s had his First child
    and thats all

    then he got in and interfered

    hehe

    it feels amusing like he’s got all these ‘wives’ to protect

    he is funny

    i felt so scared

    omg

    i am now numbing it out

    and making myself sound shallow egotistical callous and narcissistic

    and actually there was a lot i felt so good about

    me

    omg

    i did SOOOO much tools

    i could FEEL the fear
    !!

    i am so terrified of ALL women aroudn men

    and this was HUGE for me to heal it

    and im so glad im not doing THat anymore

    if they break up soon

    yum yum

    i bet neighbor man will come running to my arms

    and i dont WANT to compete

    umfff

    this felt CRAZAZY

    and i survived!

    wwooooo

    it felt soooo scary

    im not able to tell you guys how i really felt cuz i got a wall

    to tellign my deep emotionsa bout this story

    i feel too vulnerable



  255.  #255Ella on January 30, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Well MWC came in while I was working today.

    He wasn’t working, I think he came in specifically to see me.

    He brought me some chocolate (well a chocolate egg).

    And he asked me whether we could talk online tonight.

    I felt unsure and in the end I agreed.

    So tonight between Zumba classes, I was thinking about stuff and I felt quite peaceful and was exploring how I felt about the situation, and I jotted down some scripts.

    And now I really want to say them but he is not contacting me online!

    Grrrr.

    Oh well.

    I am feeling kinda ok with stuff.

    He is just a CD, and not even really an active one…

    So there is nothing much to focus on or get hyped about.

    I can just treat him like all CDs and express as I go along.

    I don’t have to agree to dates if I feel worried or unsure.

    And at the moment he has not asked me on any proper dates anyway, only last minute invites to his house which I have said no to.

    Feel annoyed that he is not online though after making a point of wanting to talk to me there tonight.

    And in other new Niceman CD is still being nice… and I have 1 other CD although we haven’t had a real date yet, and guess who showed back up with missed calls but no message to call him back as yet.

    CD1 from months ago!!!!!!

    So that is J and CD1 who have got back in contact in the last couple of weeks.

    Oh J IM-ed me the other day too, and we chatted.

    He asked to meet up but then didn’t call.

    Lol, nothing changes ! :-/

    And in still other news I have still not had any alcohol.



  256.  #256Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    La la la I’m not thinking about AroundTheWorrld… Ok I am…



  257.  #257sensual on January 30, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    @245 ugh memulo that feels a it icky to me too, but i believe this is something you can turn around by approaching it in the right way. Maybe a simple reply along the lines of “thank you for the address, great choice, i love that restaurant. i’d feel much more comfortable being picked up and going together though…if that’s possible”



  258.  #258Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Oh and universe, bring him when I am ready…. not too early, as I don’t want to slip back into old habits and tendencies…

    I don’t want to overfunction
    I don’t want to pressure
    I don’t want to nag

    I want to receive goodness and happiness
    I want to inspire him to give to me: time, love, affection, attention, romance, humor, friendship and strength
    I want to respond warmly and with feeling messages to share my point of view.



  259.  #259Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Oh and universe, bring him when I am ready…. not too early, as I don’t want to slip back into old habits and tendencies…

    I don’t want to overfunction
    I don’t want to pressure
    I don’t want to nag

    I want to receive goodness and happiness
    I want to inspire him to give to me: time, love, affection, attention, romance, humor, friendship and strength
    I want to respond warmly and with feeling messages to share my point of view.



  260.  #260Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Oh and universe, bring him when I am ready…. not too early, as I don’t want to slip back into old habits and tendencies…

    I don’t want to overfunction
    I don’t want to pressure
    I don’t want to nag

    I want to receive goodness and happiness
    I want to inspire him to give to me: time, love, affection, attention, romance, humor, friendship and strength
    I want to respond warmly and with feeling messages to share my point of view.



  261.  #261Daria on January 30, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    Silver Moonbeam – i hope so!

    i hope they and their children and my great grandchildren all want to live with me!

    😀



  262.  #262LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    256:

    You’re so incredibly cute Sunshine Lizka 🙂

    La la la…I’m not thinking about D…Ok I am… thinking about kicking him in the nu7s so hard he sees stars.

    Hope you don’t think I’m making fun of you Lizka. It’s just that Brenda just got me on this laughing giggling train.



  263.  #263Daria on January 30, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    i am now feeling very sad!

    actually Silver Moonbeam – that felt heartbreaking!!

    i wish for every woman who wants it beautiful deep family and old life with joy and connection and roots and webs and beauty and health and rich heart warmth



  264.  #264Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    Lili,

    RE: #241 – LOL! Made me laugh, too! Glad it helped! Better to laugh than scream, eh? Laughter is the best medicine!



  265.  #265Ella on January 30, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    Sun Godess.

    I hope you are ok.

    We are here if you need to chat about anything.

    xoxox



  266.  #266Daria on January 30, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    i feel traumatized

    im at the library



  267.  #267Butterfly wings on January 30, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    I’m at work right now and supposed to be working (oops) but had to catch up on what was happening Lili. And OMG!!!!

    Lili, my heart goes out to you and at the same time I want to congratulate you on how well you handled that! Wow. I’m pretty confident I would have yelled, screamed, etc etc etc rather than handle it as maturely as you did. Wow. Wow. Wow. And an even bigger (((HUG))) to you girl!

    Looking at your comment #885, I can see that the trust thing is HUGE. Like I was thinking back in early December, if I keep not trusting him, he’ll give me a reason to not trust him. So with TH I chose trust. But it’s not easy, and you obviously have some more healing to do before you can open your heart to trust again – especially after THIS!!!

    It’s times like these I wish I lived over there so we could hang out and you could just “let it all out”!

    xxx



  268.  #268Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    i felt all worthy but now coming on blog i feel unworthy!

    wow!

    i dont even feel safe to talk about my feelings!

    thsi woman CHASED me out!

    and it was just the kinda stuff that i felt triggered about earlier!

    it feels TERRIFYING

    i felt SO SCARED

    and i stayed with my feelings

    and instead of turning and fighting

    i RAN

    and then

    instead of waiting for her to hit and me hit her back

    i said

    i FEEL SCARED!!!

    and then she kinda calmed and said

    oh i just wana talk

    OOOH

    weee

    ooh

    and now i wanna do something fun and im in the library and im feeling rather sad

    and i want to do my tapping on 3rd chakra…



  269.  #269Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    (((Sun Goddess))),

    What are your options? Talk to us. Drinking is a poor substitute for reality. There are no problems. There are only creative solutions.



  270.  #270Memulo on January 30, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Girls,

    Thank you for your support! Yes Lizka when I saw ‘My Piano’ it almost felt like he was inviting me to his piano??? Lol)

    Since then he called me twice.. change of a restaurant. Starla, I already used your ‘firm plans in advance what do you think’ line last night! his response was beyond sincere and made me feel like a bad person to even mention it.

    Omg..



  271.  #271Butterfly wings on January 30, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Helloooooo Brenda! I will respond to your email a bit later but just wanted to send you a huge “YAY!!!”.

    Congrats on staying strong and leaning back! See what happens?? 😉 So happy for you. xxx

    Will catch up on other posts later – I REALLY have to do some work!! Love to you all. xxx



  272.  #272LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    I feel much better after a good cry earlier.

    On my way home from work, I put on the Adel CD to help unblock the tears.
    She has great songs to cry to.

    Brenda, thanks again, you really did make me feel better even if we were using abusive language…it’s just between us Sirens anyway, we get each other.



  273.  #273Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    I am imagining no one on here will give me any support cuz they are judging me or else cant ‘hear’ me because im jduging msyelf

    so i just want to for the record

    ((((((((DARIA)))))))

    wow!

    intuition!

    and wow

    wow

    wow

    wow
    wow

    wow

    wow

    you are amazing daria

    DARIA

    amazing for RUNNING!!!

    who wouldve thought!

    id be giving me props for RUNNING!!!

    for honoring my vulnerable heart instead of my dominating pride!

    my heart said

    i dont want to fight!

    RUN!!!!

    this won’t feel good!!

    i want to huddle up and be cozy and warm and loving



  274.  #274LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Awww BW,

    You’re such a tease. lol

    Looking forward to seeing you soon! 🙂



  275.  #275Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Hi ! look Daria! you got attacked by a woman just like you were triggered about!!

    isn’t that WILD!!!

    wow you knew it all along!! you saw it coming!

    and you healed some of it!1

    you felt the ICE WASH OF TERROR

    and you OBSERVED yourself feeling it

    you got as open as POSSIBLE

    and you honored yourself

    instead of the voices telling you what people would THINK

    and you healed as much as you could!!!

    ohhhh

    and you also feel kinda sad

    mmmmm

    ‘it coulda been better’

    awww

    that feels bad

    i feel sad

    i feel LONELY now

    thats why

    *I* fel jealous

    WOMEN FEEL SO JEALOUS OF ME

    I FEEL LIKE THYERE MAD THAT IM EMOTIONALLY MAKING LOVE WITH ALL MEN

    CUZ MY HEART IS OPEN

    🙁

    AND THE WOMEN FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE

    AND MAYBE MY HEART IS NOT OPEN TO THEM

    I FEEL SCARED OF THEM!!!!

    🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁



  276.  #276Aurora Girl on January 30, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Hello Chickies
    I am back after a weekend with my LD. He travels most of the month but I give back by traveling at least once a month.

    When I arrived at his home, it seems I was already ill with the flu…unbeknownst to me when I started the drive…..maybe picked it up from my kids the week before…or him…..by the time I saw him I was shaky, chilled and nauseated. I barely managed to drive the last hour.

    When I arrived…he did not hesitate one bit……he took one look at me…brought me in….covered me in blankets…got ice and water and anything under the sun so I could feel better…..he held me close….he was truly a knight in shining armor..

    Now i am not one to get sick often. I am not one to complain…..but there I was sick as a dog….and helpless…..this man I met only 6 months ago was a true gentleman….even as I tossed my cookies (which for those who don’t know means get sick to your stomach), not once but three times…he was there with a cold cloth for my head and to hold my hand…shivering through the night……he did not leave my side except to go into town for a minute to get things he didn’t have on had so that I could feel better……I felt so much better after 24 hours and we were able to go for a winter walk two days after I arrived…..

    not the visit I expected…..but the universe does these strange things to show you what people are capable of…….how they will how you love…

    I am so loved by this man……

    I can only thank the universe for crossing our paths……I am so looking forward to sharing more time with him……..no matter what it brings!!

    to me this is real love. It may have take me most of my adult life to find it….but it is unlike anything I have ever experience before…..

    xo
    Aurora



  277.  #277sensual on January 30, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    I wanted to update on my amazingly wonderful weekend with newmanpotentialCD who i’m now re-naming luckyCD as that feels similar to his real name!

    On Saturday he took me to the country mart for chicken lunch and then we drove out to the beach, he wanted to buy me a gift in the very cool store and normally i would have such a problem receiving a gift from a man so early on, but I chose to just tell him ” oh no, i feel embarrassed ” but he insisted so I received it! I told him later that i felt a little uncomfortable receiving such a gift but he said not to be silly and that he wanted to. Then we walked to the beach and we watched the beautiful sunset together – he held me tight and in the evening we went home and out for dinner with his friends. i didnt want to stay at his house bc I want to take things slow and i had work on sunday, but he really wanted to take me home and cuddle for an hour so eventually I caved in. we ended up being a little bit naughty but did not have sex……..i want to wait a while longer before having sex with him and i’m feeling so happy with how its all going, but i’m feeling a little dread about that conversation where i must tell him that i don’t feel comfortable to have sex yet. he is being such a sweetheart tho. and at the sunset he said “if we watch this sunset on the beach, we may as well just be done and call it girlfriend/boyfriend” and i just said ” oh silly there’s a sunset everyday, we don’t have to put any pressure on it! 😉 haha” i’m also dreading the no girlfriend conversation…..both of these are coming soon and i feel scareddddd!!!



  278.  #278Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    im feeeling upset!!!

    you dont deserve LOVE
    !!

    only a certain OTHer person is in the “get love” “get support” “get attention” place now

    and you didnt give them their turn so you dont get yours

    y ou paid attention to YOUR feelings instead of THEIRS

    you DIDNT GIVE THEM THIER TURN

    YORURE A BAD SELFISH GIRL

    and i re FUSE to give you attention

    until you give them their turn

    BE QUIEt ABOUT *YOUR* PROBLEMS

    NO ONE CARES IF YOU PHYSICALLY GOT PRACTICALLY ATTACKEd

    AND IT FELT TRAUMATIC

    AND IT FELT AWFUL

    AND YOU FEEL SO ANGRY

    AND UNHEARD

    AND UNSEEN!!!

    ugh

    andit was just like i pictured the woman in my triggered scenario

    and it felt SCARY

    and id otn want that

    for myself
    or others

    and i feel so mad!!!

    and i feel so powerless

    and so unehard

    and small

    and not worth much!

    ugh!!

    somad about that!



  279.  #279Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    im throwing a tantrum and no one is listening and now feel so MAD

    and humiliated

    and worhtless

    and smal

    and mi so used to this feeling

    i refuse to FEEL this feeling cuz it feelis too painful

    and i lov em



  280.  #280Dominique on January 30, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    Sun Goddess – Have you gone for a second or even a third opinion? Have you tried a female GYN?

    xxoo



  281.  #281Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    i was practicing deep stuff around not judging msyelf for FEELING fear in my heart

    i feel shame… shows that im actually brave

    butdont even need the shame though

    i think i DO though

    without the shame im not good enough

    it will expose me

    im not ready

    and i honor that



  282.  #282Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    Memulo,

    RE: #245 – I don’t fully understand what is going on for you. How do you feel about his texts and questions?



  283.  #283Ella on January 30, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    Daria,

    Are you ok?



  284.  #284Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    piano – might be autocorrect from “my place”
    since he was saying its in HIS town… etc



  285.  #285Sun Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    I didn’t even think I would need a second opinion, but now I feel like everyone is saying I should seek one. I went to the GYN a few years ago when I was bit by a brown recluse spider (weird that was who my insurance recommended for that at the time), so I think I will all them tomorrow and see about a second opinion. I hate to think about it though because I am such a loyal person!



  286.  #286Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    I only ask for/get attention when im having a crisis

    or have something smart/amazing

    or have ‘help or critcizim/correction”

    hmmm i want to heal this

    i want to ask for my deepest needs



  287.  #287Sun Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    LP finally called me back! I feel less alone and more supported now.



  288.  #288Starla on January 30, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    Daria, I am having a hard time keeping up — am I understanding right? You used to mess around with your neighbor looong time ago, and now his wife is confronting you with her jealousy?

    SOUNDS AWFUL:(:( i’m so sorry!!!!

    I’d want to chew her out.



  289.  #289Sun Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    Daria says, “I only ask for/get attention when I am having a crisis”.

    Sounds like me tonight.



  290.  #290Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Ella – thanks for aksing

    im feeling all kinda shaky in my heart

    otherise ok

    omg it was scary

    like out of a movie

    i cant belive it was happening

    talk about feeling ALIVE

    whoa!

    my heart felt SCARED

    and i got to “OBSEVE” that

    it will feel SO GREAT to get to the other side of this and not ever feel scared of women or create a vibe of competition about men

    omg

    i dont want to!

    it seems like it comes from the outside

    but i think i create it too

    ugh

    i want to heal this!

    i feel ashamed about this

    liek somethings wrong with me for being sexual

    or sexy
    or

    fun or loving

    or attractive

    i cant be ME

    they ALL get jealous of me

    🙁

    even my mom
    i
    think

    i dont feel comfortable thinking about that

    i feel lucky its not WORSE

    and i felt like sick over my moms jealousy

    i mostly feel like my mom supports me

    but maybe its both

    maybe its like when *I* put msyelf in the supportive role

    and i like equal

    i JUST WANT TO HEAL ALL THIS

    ALL THE PAIN

    ALL THE FEAR

    ALL THE SHAME

    I FELT FEAR

    and i didnt judge msyelf

    and i was able to observe

    it

    thats a HUGE babystep

    honor to me

    i bow to me

    and my amazing

    amazing

    brave wow ness

    of transforming

    me in my deepest fears

    are healing

    wow me

    journey into the cave

    this reallly happened



  291.  #291Tanya on January 30, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    Hi! Sorry if this is the wrong place but I couldn’t find where I can just enter a question for Rori… I am getting your emails and I while I love your idea of Circular Dating I don’t think I’d have the energy for dating multiple guys… you see I have Fibromyalgia which makes you very fatigued easily. I very much want to ask you, does your program work for people like me who cannot for whatever reason date so many guys? Can this work for me, is it possible that I can find true love even with a ‘disability’? I wish I’d married when I was young and healthy. Do guys see women with an illness as damaged goods? I don’t even have the energy to go out and meet one nice guy, let alone several! Would this be something that I’d be up front about and mention on the first date or would that make him hit the road? Or reveal at a later time? Do you have any helpful hints on this? Again sorry if this is in the wrong spot! Thank you so much, and I love your emails!



  292.  #292Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Starla – well to be fair… i think theres something between me and neighbor, but we havent kissed or hooked up since he got married

    and we’re friends

    more like acquiantaces

    i was kickin it with him at his music studio – which is in his garage

    i havent really met his wife

    shes called me trippin a few years ago

    when he sent me a text propositioning me

    now i was just chillin at his lab

    and felt like worried

    and then KABLOOM

    it all happend

    lol

    what a nerd

    i feel amused

    i wonder if thats covering up deeper feelings



  293.  #293Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Do yall think i shoulda SOCKED HER IN THE FACE???



  294.  #294Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    i actually RAN from her…

    i made it look like she had all the power

    but i didnt want to fight

    i wanted to honor even my fear

    i figured fighting her was not gonna win me my neighbor



  295.  #295Dominique on January 30, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Sun Goddess – I don’t want to put people in boxes or type them, but there seems to be a tendency for female GYNs to be far more wanting to keep your parts intact.

    xxoo



  296.  #296Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    thanks Starla



  297.  #297Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    im feeling quivery in my chest

    i dont want to judge myself

    LADIES:

    THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME EVER!!! THIS WOMAN HAS RUN FROM A FIGHT

    EVER!!!

    I CHOSE – it

    i didnt’ punk out

    i literally CHOSE not to fight and use FM’s

    oooh my god

    i could abeen scrathced up and have punched the shit out of a girl in front of some small children right now

    :/



  298.  #298Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    ive taken many babysteps to get here



  299.  #299Sun Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    294, Dominique,

    I guess it is worth checking into. I mean I already have two kids. I would be okay if I didn’t have more, but no one likes to be told they can’t have something. If I were older I think it would be an easier decision and if LP and I hadn’t had the baby talk…so much to think about.



  300.  #300Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    i notice i feel embarassed of the lady next to me

    im judging her as stuck up and i feel embarassed for her to see the style of the guys im looking at on pof

    i SO want to heal this

    i HATE this about msyelf

    that i care

    and put other people (that i make up in my imagination)

    aehad of people i love

    and care about the judgemetns

    my dad does this

    i hate it when he does it

    guh

    just so much cikiness



  301.  #301Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    i want a man who wants to “hold me” that would feel good



  302.  #302Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Sun Goddess – i would sO go the alternative route

    there are so many women healers who work with women on issues like this!

    im sure Dominique has some awesome suggestions if you ask …



  303.  #303Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    im feeilng more calm

    i read a calming man profile:

    P.S..LADIES IF YOUR OLDER THAN I..LETS NOT LET THE SMALL THINGS IN LIFE DISCOURAGE US..DON’T B SO SHALLOW BECAUSE I’M SURE NOT..ITS 2011..TIME 4 SOMETHING NEW ANYWAY..JUST LIKE OUR PRESIDENT..{{TRUE FACT}}



  304.  #304Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    Ohhhhhhhhh!!! AroundTheWorld is texting me!!!!!

    He is texting “Good night Miss Lizka [my family name]”

    I answered “Lol, already going to bed Mr. AroundTheWorld [his family name] ?”



  305.  #305sensual on January 30, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    @234 Lolita, I might feel tempted to go with something light along the lines of “hi it’s nice to hear from you, I was feeling a bit disconnected from you this weekend but it feels nice to reconnect”



  306.  #306Daria on January 30, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    im really feelin tired now

    i need some tender lovin care

    maybe ill get a book from here and read it

    or walk home

    i want to call someone to hold me

    ima call me



  307.  #307Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Ok ok ok lean back Lizkaaaaaa

    It seems that he just wants to chit-chat.

    LIZKA DO NOT ASK WHEN HE WANTS TO SEE YOU!!!!!!



  308.  #308Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Hi Starla, thanks for the huggggsssss!!! 🙂 Feeling so warm and happy!

    Sun Goddess, I’m so sorry to hear your medical issues are so serious. I pray for comfort, healing and love to wrap around you now. I know it’s hard to focus on ourselves, we women just aren’t built that way, but you should try. Be your own best friend, your advocate and voice. Let him know what you need. It’s ok to lean forward sometimes. I believe this is one of those times. We are here for you.



  309.  #309Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    I need help quick quick quick……

    What is a good feeling message I could write him to let him know that I feel impatient to see him??? Without controlling the outcome and all the blah blah…



  310.  #310Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    Lizka, NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!

    Lean back!!! Don’t contact him. He isn’t stepping up, if you lean forward, it’s going to push him away and you know that!



  311.  #311Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    Turquoise, he DID text me!!!



  312.  #312Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    Oh Sorry Lizka, missed your text that he is texting you,

    I’d say something about what you want, texting isn’t enough

    Maybe tell him you are heading out, not bedtime for a siren!!!!!



  313.  #313Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    What if I say “I feel impatient to be with you?”

    Too intense? Too “you” ? Too leaning forward???



  314.  #314Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    He said he was in bed reading and going to sleep soon.

    Can I say “Would feel good to be cuddling in bed reading with you?”

    OH D*MM I feel so not sireny, no inspiration!! I don’t know what to sayyyyy!



  315.  #315LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Help!!!

    The teleclass starts soon and I don’t know how to access it!!!
    I assumed I would be getting instructions by email.

    How do we access?



  316.  #316Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    Lili, Sorry, I can’t help you… 🙁



  317.  #317LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    313:

    That looks very leaning forward.
    Don’t use that one, please.

    I don’t know a better one, but please don’t use that one. It’s way too leaning forwardy.



  318.  #318Sun Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    307 Turquoise,

    Thanks! We have a dinner date for Wednesday. I am going to see what LP says. He has a job though that makes it tough for him to be there physically all the time. And, I hate that my boys will need to spend time with their dad, M, if I do get the surgery. I don’t feel like that is a good environment for them.



  319.  #319FlowerChild77 on January 30, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    (((((SunGoddess))))) I’ve been thinking of you ever since you posted something about this a few threads ago <3

    I was in a similar situation (doctor saying there were no options, etc.) If you'd like to talk, feel free to e-mail me at PiscesSiren08at ymaildotcom

    (I apologize if I'm being too nosey or aggresive.)



  320.  #320Laughing Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Lili: Check your spam folder. She definitely would have sent an email if you signed up for the class.

    I feel so excited with the timing of the class and what happened yesterday. Rori will give great advice.



  321.  #321Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    Daria,

    RE: #292 – “Do yall think i shoulda SOCKED HER IN THE FACE???”

    Yep! I think ya shoulda joined Team Why Don’t You Tell Em How You REALLY Feel! Here is the feeling message I would have recommended for your neighbor’s wife:

    Hey, Skank! You can’t hold your own in bed with your man? I’ll hold him for ya! Come on, let’s have it out!

    Oh, wait, wrong blog….I thot I was on Team Jerry Springer’s blog, LOL! 😆



  322.  #322Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    Ok I know it’s not the best thing in the world, it’s half leaning forward, half feeling message, but I just couldn’t help myself.

    I wrote “I feel a little impatient about spending some time again with you. Last time was nice. I felt smiley since.”

    Now I have to lean waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back…



  323.  #323Laughing Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Lili: you could also email her at rori@coachrori.com



  324.  #324Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Lizka,

    I don’t know… I’m not good under pressure, lol. But, I wouldn’t tell him you want to see him, I’d share how I was feeling, looking forward to something, share you have somem special things planned, I don’t know! Sorry!



  325.  #325Sun Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    318, Flowerchild,

    Thanks, that would feel great…I will email you tomorrow. I’m so exhausted from my emotional day that I am going to go to bed now. 🙂



  326.  #326Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Sh*t, he answered “soon [whatever-stupid-pet-name-he-calls-all-his-female-friends]”

    He use to say “soon” all the time after we broke up and I was requesting to spend time with him. And we never ended up seeing each other, he always had a reason……

    Do I let it there or I say it feels bad?



  327.  #327Ella on January 30, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    Hmmm,

    Maybe I will type up my scripts here instead so at least I get to feel that I have SAID them.

    They prob won’t make sense to anyone here so out of context… but I am typing them more for me to feel I have expressed, at least somewhere.

    ———————————————-

    > Yes, I like you (too) – even if you didn’t do all the stuff you do I like how you feel to me.

    > I feel warm to you.

    > I feel accepting of you as a person no matter the circumstances.

    > Well if there was an addiction to …. or …. I would still accept you as a person, and I would not try to make you change…

    Its pointless to try and do that… not unless you wanted to.

    > And I don’t want anything to do with the dishonesty or being convinced about stuff which feels off to me.

    I don’t want drama.

    > I feel suspicious and icky about that stuff.

    > It would feel good to be friends for now.



  328.  #328Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Maybe I should say “It feels bad to wait for an invitation that never comes when you feel excited about something”



  329.  #329Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Daria,

    RE: #296 – I think it takes a stronger woman to NOT fight than to fight. Power = strength under control.

    I feel admiration and respect to hear you ran from her when she wanted you to join Team Fight.



  330.  #330Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Or just stop there…



  331.  #331Laughing Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Lizka: I would personally would “be an invitation”.

    I would share things like,

    “I feel so relaxed tonight. I feel so cozy curled up in my bed. I feel excited about running in the park tomorrow. I feel ….”

    Share passion stories. I personally wouldn’t bring up any impatience or loneliness I am feeling right now because it’s not really his issue and it’s not very encouraging for him to reach out and be confronted with anxieties right away.

    It would feel better to me to just learn from the experience. I wouldn’t bring anything about that up until we were together and it felt like the right time.

    I, personally, don’t feel comfortable discussing things like this via text.

    Anyways, this is my perspective. I’m sure you will know exactly what to do because you are a wise siren.



  332.  #332FlowerChild77 on January 30, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    (((((((Lili))))))) I’m thinking of you in admiration. Even in this tremendous pain, you are able to be completely authentic. I am sending healing thoughts your way.



  333.  #333Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    I don’t want to go in the old pattern of “Soon Lizka” and me “when?” and him “soon” and me “but when?” and him… never inviting…



  334.  #334Ella on January 30, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Lizka

    STOP!

    PUT DOWN THE PHONE FOR A SECOND!

    Lol, I am not yeeling just speaking loudly.

    Remember there is no need to hurry to reply… stop, breath and wait a bit before replying.

    You answered your own question in your post 321…
    LEAN BACK!

    It only feels bad because you leant forward… that has nothing to do with him… he hasn’t done anything to you… he is contacting you.

    This is what you wanted no?

    Give him the space to step up instead of crowding him out with impatient feelings…

    You can express them here.

    He said ‘Soon’ … that could be a positive.

    I think it feels bad because of your thoughts about the situation.

    You can so have the power here if you lean back and leave him with some mystery.

    xoxoxo



  335.  #335Laughing Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Lizka: I would stop with this line of conversation as soon as possible if I was in your shoes.



  336.  #336Ella on January 30, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Lizka re 322

    He can’t invite if you don’t leave him the space to do so…



  337.  #337Laughing Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    Lizka: Do you realize that you are practically begging him to see you?

    He is supposed to be the one begging you.



  338.  #338Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    Thank you SG. Your proposition sounds so good, wish I had see it before…

    I don’t know how to introduce a “fun” feeling message but I feel I HAVE to do it or the conversation will just have been around “I feel so depressed that you are so far away”. lol (don’t worry I didn’t say that….

    I’m so clueless. I so so so don’t know what to say! Everything I think about doesn’t translate in french…



  339.  #339Ella on January 30, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    Lizka I have been there by the way…

    Feeling impatient!

    Frustrating isn’t it!!



  340.  #340Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    OMG yes I just realized I’ve been so bad… 🙁

    I just stop? No good night? No positive feeling message, no nothing?



  341.  #341Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    Hmm… Lizka, I think I’d share that soon doesn’t feel good… feels like being placated. And then I’d get back online and see who else I could meet.



  342.  #342Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    I did bad. I don’t feel proud of myself. I wasn’t sireny at all. D*mm I had the occasion to show I’m a super independant siren and I scr*wed it all…



  343.  #343Laughing Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Lizka: So is that the last text, him saying “soon _____”?



  344.  #344Ella on January 30, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Lizka (said in a Mumsy type of tone)

    No beating yourself up!

    Its fine.

    And now you can hone it even more for next time you two speak.

    Beating yourself up now will NOT help your vibe.

    The way forward I have found is to accept I said what I said and own it… and if I feel a lil uncomfortable about any of it, still own it, and just make a mental note to do it better next time.

    And there is ALWAYS a next time!

    I know I was always doing the best I could at the time so its important to forgive myself not being perfect.



  345.  #345Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    But I can be very impatient, so maybe I’m not a good one to give advice. I didn’t like his comment to you about if it’s simple and easy…. or close to that, either share what was suggested above about how you feel, with no reference to him, or just stop talking to him. I’m feeling a little angry at him.



  346.  #346Laughing Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Lizka: Don’t be hard on yourself. You barely did anything. You started down the path but only a step or two. You didn’t go nearly as far as before and that is something to be proud of.

    And you know from experience that he responds when you lean back.

    So don’t beat yourself up. That will only make things worse.



  347.  #347LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    331:

    Thank you so much FC.

    I feel so yucky tonight 🙁

    The teleclass starts in 5 minutes, and I didn’t get the instructions or link to join in. 🙁

    I emailed Rori a few minutes ago, still no response.

    I soooo needed it tonight!



  348.  #348Ella on January 30, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    Lizka I would not reply in fact.

    Or just say ‘ok’ and leave it at that.

    Or even ‘I am feeling tired and off to bed’ with no reference to what he said.

    And then drop it.

    This waterwheel feels like it might be turning the wrong way??

    You will see him IF and when he earns some of your precious Siren time.

    xoxox



  349.  #349Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    Ok I’ll repeat the whole conversation. Please someone tell me I did some little good things…

    ATW: Good night Lizka [family name]

    Me: Lol, Already going to bed AroundTheWorld [family name] ?

    ATW: Reading and going to bed

    Me: You’re a early sleeper! You must have party a lot in the last days! Your friends already left?

    ATW: No party for me in the last days. They are leaving next Saturday

    Me: I see…

    ATW: Said the blind girl [it’s a joke…]

    Me: I’m not even blind [and put a funny smiley with Xs instead of the eyes]

    Him: Lol

    Me: There’s staying long your friends! You must be happy!

    Him: Yes, it’s fun

    And here I started f*cking it all up…

    Me: I feel a little impatient to spend some time with you again. Felt so good last time. I felt smiley since…

    Him: Soon [pet-name-that-I-hate]

    Me: “Soon” feels weird

    Him: Noooo! 🙂 Soon is good! Lol. I’m off to bed, Sweet dreams. Mouah! xxx

    That’s it…



  350.  #350Laughing Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    If the last thing he said was “soon baby”, I just wouldn’t respond.

    I don’t feel inspired to respond if he gives me a vague answer like that.

    And when he contacts me again, I would just wait and see how I feel then.

    Maybe I would go out with him, maybe I wouldn’t. Sorta depends on his approach and how long it’s been.



  351.  #351LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    322:

    Thanks LG!

    I just emailed with high priority mention. Still waiting….

    I so needed that class tonight ;(



  352.  #352Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    Oh Lili… that would feel so frustrating! Didn’t you get any confirmation/information when you paid?



  353.  #353Ella on January 30, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    I feel unheard about the fact that I have not been drinking any alcohol recently.

    🙁

    Sulky feeling Pout.

    Oh well I am doing it for me anyway so I suppose it doesn’t really matter if anyone else notices or not.



  354.  #354LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    Lizka,

    “soon” is pretty much up in the air.

    It doesn’t feel very inspiring to answer, to me anyway.
    Any response would feel leaning forward to me.



  355.  #355Laughing Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    Lili: She’s really good about responding quickly. I wouldn’t be surprised if you get an email any second.



  356.  #356Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    Ahhh

    I forgot. I forgot that I said I would consider him like a new CD…

    If I had consider him like a new CD, I would not have act like beging him…

    Ah I feel like crying. I want to do it all over again. 🙁



  357.  #357Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    Ahhh

    I forgot. I forgot that I said I would consider him like a new CD…

    If I had consider him like a new CD, I would not have act like beging him…

    Ah I feel like crying. I want to do it all over again. 🙁

    :(:(:(



  358.  #358Laughing Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Lizka: Please be gentle on yourself. You caught yourself really quickly this time. You broke a pattern!

    That is so awesome!!!!

    Patterns can be so hard to break and you did it!

    Yay Lizka!

    Yay!

    I would love to see you feeling proud of yourself and giving yourself the recognition your deserve.

    Baby steps! Yay for Lizka’s baby steps tonight!!!



  359.  #359T-Girl on January 30, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    240 Sun Goddess, I had a hysterectomy about 5 years ago. I can honestly tell you it is the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m not sure what your situation is but it literally made my life so much easier and pain free. ((((hugs))))



  360.  #360Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    Bleck Lizka. I’d feel mad at him. I feel he’s testing the waters with his brief texts, to see how you respond. I have a friend who says that men don’t want us to be mad at them, so they check in here and there, just enough to feel good about themselves, but not enough to show any real feelings or intentions. Unfortunately I think you leaned forward a lot, asked him questions… if you had just mirrored, which would basically have been to just say goodnight already? And then respond to his posts, with mirroring. May have been a short conversation. Next time, I’d ignore his posts, let him wonder where you are and what you are up to.



  361.  #361Laughing Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    Yay for Ella!!!

    Nice job, Ella!



  362.  #362Ella on January 30, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    Lizka…

    Remember this is all practice, so it doesn’t matter anyway… and you are WAY better than when you first came to this blog.

    And in fact I disagree…

    I think here is where you went wrong:

    Him: reading and going to bed

    Me: You’re a early sleeper! You must have party a lot in the last days! Your friends already left?

    ——————————————–

    He’s signing off.

    I think the most Sireny response would have been something like

    ‘Ok night night’

    or ‘I am feeling tired and just off to bed to’

    Which is responding to his lead…

    Instead you jumped into the masculine, questioning role, and started asking him lots of questions about him… thus putting the focus on him.

    And he gave one word answers.

    Which caused you to over function a little in trying to carry the conversation on and find out when you will see him.

    This is leaning forward.

    As Sirens we respind 99% of the time, and when we ask questions its out of curiosity.

    Having said all of this I don’t think it was too bad.

    Just needs a little tweaking, and leaning back, breathing for next time.

    What do you think?



  363.  #363LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    351:

    Hi Turquoise,

    I received a Paypal payment confirmation only.

    I sent Rori an email including my receipt no.

    It was probably too late for her to see it.

    I hope I at least get the recording until next week ;(

    That feels just awful at such a moment ;(



  364.  #364Ella on January 30, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    LG

    Thank You

    🙂



  365.  #365Laughing Goddess on January 30, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    hehe, I feel uplifted and energized after celebrating other siren’s successes.

    Thanks ladies.

    I didn’t have time to catch up on all the posts and now I have to run to practice.

    I’m feeling sad that I don’t have time to comment and chat more….but mostly feeling

    Yay!!! Yay for all of our baby steps!
    Yay for siren island!!!

    k, g’night for now.



  366.  #366Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    Sorry Ella for not giving accolades for your not drinking!!! I felt them when I read your posts, sharing your challenge. I feel inspired to not eat crap/fast food for 30 days to help me lose weight!!!! Thank you for sharing your goal!!!



  367.  #367Ella on January 30, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    Night LG

    Thanks Turqouise.

    Yes, lets see what we can transform in 30 days with our Siren Magic!

    🙂



  368.  #368Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    NOTES TO MYSELF ON MY SIREN PERFORMANCE OF 01/30/2012 (so I could do better next time)

    I feel regretful of:

    -Not having mirroring his answers

    -Having ask questions

    -Having send negative feeling messages

    -Not stopping the conversation after he said he was going to bed the first time (I should have say “I’m feeling cozy at home watching TV, will go to bed soon too”)

    -Not having stick to my plan of “he’s just another CD” (I think I’ll write it down somewhere where I see it 24/7)

    I feel proud of:

    -The improvement I did since I came here 3 months ago

    -Not having ask “WHEN?!?”

    -Not being blamey on “you always use to say ‘soon’ ” (would have do that before)

    -Sent a few feeling messages

    -Let him the last word (too late, but last word anyway)

    Sooooo I feel more regretful than proud of my siren performance but yes, there was still some good things for me in my conversation. I think he probably noticed it anyway… it use to be a BIG pattern of me to be accusative and blamey and crying and screaming… I stayed calm at least…



  369.  #369Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    Oh Ella I didn’t had time to read all the post. I feel very happy for you reaching your goal of not drinking!!!!

    CONGRATS!!!!

    (((((ELLA)))))

    And thank you for supporting me during my conversation with AroundTheWorld. Promise I’ll do better next time!



  370.  #370Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    Lizka,

    RE: #325 – Make him work for it. Be the prize. You are putting yourself at his feet, like I do with Ryan. It doesn’t work.

    Best to do nothing. So hard, I know.



  371.  #371Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    Thank you Turquoise, Laughing Goddess and Ella for helping me through this…

    Wow, I really was in panic… 🙁



  372.  #372Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Thank you Brenda.

    Ahhh I feel so bad 🙁



  373.  #373carrie on January 30, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Hi is anyone on this call? I accidentally got disconnected and already paid for it! Can someone patch me in?



  374.  #374Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    I want to call him to apologize not being a crazy siren. Lol, won’t do it, would be so stupid!



  375.  #375carrie on January 30, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    Can someone tell Rori that I got disconnected please? I’m wasting my $ here. 🙁



  376.  #376Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    Lizka,

    RE: #332 – “I don’t want to go in the old pattern of “Soon Lizka” and me “when?” and him “soon” and me “but when?” and him… never inviting…”

    You sound like me. Leaning forward. Boy energy.

    I feel your pain. Hold yourself tight. Paint yourself with love. Gently, slowly, one finger at a time. Let the soap and water love you.



  377.  #377Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    Carrie,

    I will.



  378.  #378Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    Carrie,

    It will be recorded, so you will still get to hear it. I both emailed her and IMed her.



  379.  #379Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Carrie,

    Do you have the page with the phone number and password?



  380.  #380LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    373:

    (((Lizka))),

    New CD = just practice. He was just practice.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself, it just makes you more resistant and less open to learning.

    Ne te tappe pas sur la tête. Give yourself a big hug of compassion instead.



  381.  #381Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    Ah my god I feel awful. I feel worst than when I leaned forward last friday…



  382.  #382Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    Lizka,

    Don’t beat self up. Automatically beat up man who loves you. Love self in midst of pain and mistakes.

    Don’t look for abuse. Look for loving yourself. This is what Rori is talking about right now in the teleseminar!



  383.  #383Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    But Lili, he’s not REALLY a new CD, remember?



  384.  #384Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    All our overfunctioning is fear-based.



  385.  #385Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    Yeah… I know what you mean Lili, sorry, got lost…



  386.  #386carrie on January 30, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    Thanks Brenda. I do not have the page with the password. It appeared when I paid so I was connected but I lost it. The # I am at is 773/575-6493 if you can conference me in. I have very limited time to listen to this… I set time aside tonight. This is typical of my life!



  387.  #387Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    I want to send “hey I’m sorry for being so impatient. I don’t understand why I’m like that”

    Bad idea?

    Rori says to apoligize, no? Not sure…



  388.  #388Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    Carrie,

    I texted it to you.



  389.  #389Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    Seriously Lizka, what are you thinking??



  390.  #390Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    Lizka,

    What was the last thing he said?

    I feel confused on apologies. Not sure.



  391.  #391Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Seriously, I tried to convince myself that I didn’t do that bad, that there is some few things to feel proud of, but no. I am really not proud. I feel like a mess.

    And now I just want to lean forward to “fix” it.



  392.  #392LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Ewww. I’m having such yucky thoughts in my head.

    I’ll just turn on the tv and hope to catch something interesting to distract me and drift off to sleep.



  393.  #393Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Lizka,

    RE: #388 — Ooh, that feels bad to hear. I don’t like to hear Sirens speak harshly to themselves. Hugs to Lizka! Love, affection, trust to Lizka.

    Can you give compassion to your weak parts?



  394.  #394Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Brenda, the whole conversation is on #348

    Last thing he said is “Noooo! Soon is good! Lol. I’m off to bed, Sweet dreams. Mouah! xxx”



  395.  #395Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    Brenda I can’t. I tried but I just can’t. 🙁



  396.  #396LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    390:

    Lizka,

    please no fixing! That’s the man’s job to fix things. Fixing things is leaning forward.

    I don’t want to look hard on you.

    I myself have the urge to call D right now to fix that I kept kicking him around which made him feel bad about himself.
    I even brought him to tears.
    That’s why he went out and was open to the woman who came on to him.
    She made him feel good after I made him feel so bad.
    If I try to fix it, I know that I will lose my self-esteem. Bc that will be putting myself at his mercy.

    Don’t put yourself at his mercy.
    Apologizing will make him feel like you’re at his feet, and he will feel like he can treat you any way he wants.
    That will make him feel unattracted.
    You definitely don’t want that.



  397.  #397Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    No Lizka, please don’t text him again. It won’t fix things, and he said he was going to bed. YOu’ll feel better tomorrow. It sounds like you lean back, then leann forward and say now you’ll lean waaaayyyyyy back, but feel bad for leaning forward, and want to do it some more. Just take a step back. he’s only a guy. I know how easy it is to lean forward, and I have ample excuses with the girls, to share news, funny things they say, send him pictures…. but it’s a fine line between sharing with him as a parent, and using it as an excuse to lean forward.

    What I notice most when we lean forward, is that we give these explanations, long drawn out poetic feeling messages, and we get one or two words in response. Sometimes I feel they like and appreciate the feeling messages, and other times I feel they only hear the first word, blah blah blah, and the last word. What do you think?



  398.  #398LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    Lizka,

    We’re learning. Let’s give ourselves a big hug and a pat on the back.
    I’m having a super hard time giving myself compassion too.
    So let me just send the compassion out to you if I can’t give it to myself.
    And I’ll take compassion from you if you can’t give it to yourself.

    Team compassion! We’ll just send the compassion around to each other.

    (((Lizka))) xox



  399.  #399Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    Thank you Lili. I feel so lost right now. Like a little kid who was so excited about getting a new gift and broke it in 5 seconds by playing with it too hard and now feeling tearful and wishing she could go back a few hours ago to get the gift again and treat it well…

    🙁 I feel teary.

    And I feel stupid telling you I feel teary for such a stupid thing. You have 100 more reasons to feel teary and you seem so strong. I feel guilty…



  400.  #400Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    Thank you Turquoise. 🙂



  401.  #401Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    Compassion ——-> LILI

    🙂



  402.  #402Daria on January 30, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    ok im at home

    whew

    got a hug from mom

    at library i learned about using totem animals to hunt and eat and grow stronger from animals

    and i read about using Judgement to kill … just when hungry

    so hmm

    something id been thinking about

    ok

    so now

    my still kinda achy heart

    to heal it

    with some EFT

    and…

    this stuff might be stuck in my tissues

    i want to stretch to let it release

    whew



  403.  #403Daria on January 30, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    (((Ella)))



  404.  #404Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    Lizka,

    If he saw you going from hating yourself to loving yourself, it would give him a hard-on. ~ Rori



  405.  #405Daria on January 30, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    Brenda – lol!!! oh that feels so FUN to read!!

    omgosh!

    i felt scared at the time and then after at the library when my fear calmed down…

    i felt ANGRY!!!!

    i dotn want to feel unsafe or attacked or just treated in an unloving way

    im not less than! just cuz im a single attractive woman!

    i feel angry aobut this!!

    i have a LOT of anger aobut this with women

    and over and over women are accusing me of getting with their man lately

    it must be an energy showing up to heal

    wooooh it felt SCARY!!!



  406.  #406Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    Brenda….lol. I like it!



  407.  #407Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Daria,

    Are you flirting with other women’s men? That will bring on angry women.



  408.  #408LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    398:

    Lizka,

    Feeling teary is not stupid.
    It’s understandable how you want so badly want things to go well.
    You just don’t feel confident that things will go well on their own, so you feel the compulsion to control the outcome.

    That’s why I do the same mistakes over and over again.
    I’m so worried that he’ll hurt me, that I have to constantly warn him and try to jam it in his head.
    That’s wanting to control the outcome.
    That makes him feel bad that I don’t think he’s trustworthy or that I even think he’s bad and constantly desserves to be kicked.

    I don’t feel that strong.
    I have tears running down my cheeks as I’m typing right now ;(



  409.  #409Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    Grapefruits and bananas are best for growing strong. And avocados!



  410.  #410Daria on January 30, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    i feel jealous of bigger women or just women that feel powerful in themselves physically (ie.. they know they can knock a man out with a punch)

    i WANT that

    and im afraid to gibe it to myself – for fear ill invite More violance in my life

    hmm

    scared to grow in power for fear of soemthign bad increasing (powerlsessness) that im looking to decrease

    hmmm

    sounds familiar

    i want to heal this

    i seeeeee it



  411.  #411Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    Oh Lili, this is so hard to do, I so understand what you are saying. “That’s why I do the same mistakes over and over again.
    I’m so worried that he’ll hurt me, that I have to constantly warn him and try to jam it in his head.
    That’s wanting to control the outcome.” Exactly what I was thinking while texting ATW… I don’t want him to hurt me with his “soon MINOU [grrr I hate when he calls me “minou”, what an ugly pet name!!!]…

    I wish I could do something “pour rendre ton coeur plus léger” (how the h*ll do we say that in English?)

    You know how to contact me. If you want, send me an email and we can chat through Facebook… if you want…. I have a few minutes before going to bed…



  412.  #412Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Oups there is a part missing on my last post…

    After ” I don’t want him to hurt me with his “soon MINOU [grrr I hate when he calls me “minou”, what an ugly pet name!!!]… so I tried so badly to have him not say SOON.

    I hate this word SOON. I hate it. I want to call the Académie de la langue française and make the word BIENTÔT banned from french language.



  413.  #413Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    Daria, do you mean literally knock a man out? Why would you want that dynamic in a relationship? That sounds like being physically equal with a man, boy energy, kinda scary boy energy.



  414.  #414LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    404:

    Daria,

    I’m glad you’re sharing this.

    I have the same issue, but the other way around.
    Married neighbourlady likes to flirt w my man.
    She said she loves to be the center of men’s attention.
    She especially ramps it up when their women are there.
    I’m assuming it raises her self worth when women feel envious of her.
    I do feel envious, bc I’m not capable of opening up my heart and let my man close to me the way she does.
    It has triggered me immensely.



  415.  #415Daria on January 30, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    wow im realizing that tension in my back on my spine that i feel… is actually my HEART feeling it from the back of my body



  416.  #416Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    Lizka,

    You are a French Goddess…. you are bi-lingual. YOu are smart, beautiful, funny, caring, compassionate, energetic, warm… and YOU ARE THE PRIZE!!!!!! He’d be lucky to be with you again. Next time he texts or calls, you tell him Soon. Give him that mirror.

    And minnow… like the fish? If so, next time he calls you minnow…. say hmmm, feels silly to be called a small fish when I feel like such a siren. Especially if he refers to all women that way. Yuck. I want more for you!!!!!!



  417.  #417Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    Lol no Turquoise. “Minou” is a way to call a cat. But it sounds cheap… He says it as a joke to everyone. I alreadytold him to keep that for his friends… I guess he considers me has a friend…

    If I am the prize… Why was i begging him tonight. I feel so bad and so regretful. I wish I could fix that. I’m happy I didn’t go to control dammage mode though… At least…



  418.  #418LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    Oh Lizka, sorry I can’t find you by email address on FB. I don’t know how. I really tried.
    I’ll try to create a gmail account to have easier access to my emails.



  419.  #419Daria on January 30, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    Lili – im able to open up my heart and let my man close to me the way she does… what would that feel like?

    can you imagine being her when you want to do that?

    i sometimes imagine im a woman whose traits i want in certain situations and i can feel the energy shift



  420.  #420Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    Big tears rolling on my cheeks too…

    I feel mad because before he decided to pop up back into my life, I haven’t cry for over a month and i was feeling all happy and was so proud of becoming a siren.

    I just feel like I am back to the start line now. I feel lame and I’m bored of crying all the time for him amd waiting for his texts all the time…



  421.  #421LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Minou is the French equivalent of kitty (like in kitty cat).



  422.  #422Daria on January 30, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    Turquoise – yeah i mena literally, and not in relationship

    just in general

    i would like to feel that strong and feel powerful in myself that way and not so vulnerable physically if i were attacked



  423.  #423Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    Oh Lili this is not the email adress i use on Facebook anywat.

    But I’m going to bed. We’ll talk another day sweetheart if you want. Don’t worry. xoxo



  424.  #424LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    Yeah, me too.

    I was feeling all confident all last week, and I had to ruin it by kicking him for no reason.
    Just my NVs yelling at me, and I had to calm them down by kicking him and putting him down.



  425.  #425Daria on January 30, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    Turquoise – wow i feel defensive

    actually no, im not.

    men just find me attractive and its obvious



  426.  #426Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    I feel sad because right now, i should feel so excited that I finaly got a text from him. It actually came sooner than expected. I should feel surprised and jump all over the place and scream my happiness…

    But no, I just feel guilty because I really f*cked up this occasion. Now I’ll have to wait how many more days before he texts me again…..?!?!



  427.  #427Daria on January 30, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    i dont want to feel like “angry women” are all justified for attacking me because “im flirting with their men”

    thats the belief i have, like theyre all justified in their jealousy to treat ME badly!

    oh theyre just jealous, poor dears!

    dont mind me! ill just leave/hide/pretend i dont exist/whaetever

    so taht YOU dont have to be triggered

    no thank you

    wow i feel so mad about that

    RAGEFUL



  428.  #428Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    I feel like a total mess here…



  429.  #429LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    418:

    Mouahh!!!

    That feels good Daria. I was focusing on the negative and what I don’t have .
    You’re switching it to positive, by focusing on having and being, as opposed “not having or not being”.

    I need to try to get some sleep now, to rest my puffy eyes from all the crying.



  430.  #430Daria on January 30, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    and i try SO HARD TO NOT flirt with teh men at all!

    im like “champion asexual”

    but then im still flirting with them right???

    it never works

    i feel so angry to read that

    omg

    RAGEFUL

    maybe ill just own it

    “flirts with other women’s men”

    or “desperately tries to not look like she’s flirting with your man because she knows she looks hot —-

    BUT WHATS THE FUCHKIN POINT!!! yourE GONNA ASSUME THAT ANYWAY!!!!! “



  431.  #431LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    418:

    Mouahh!!!

    That feels good Daria. I was focusing on the negative and what I don’t have .
    You’re switching it to positive, by focusing on having and being, as opposed “not having or not being”.

    I need to try to get some sleep now, to rest my puffy eyes from all the crying.



  432.  #432Starbright on January 30, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    Wow, Lizka – you are so hard on yourself! Just needed some tweaking in my opinion. Do feel good that you did not beg, cry, etc! Baby steps here!



  433.  #433LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    418:

    Mouahh!!!

    That feels good Daria. I was focusing on the negative and what I don’t have .
    You’re switching it to positive, by focusing on having and being, as opposed “not having or not being”.

    I need to try to get some sleep now, to rest my puffy eyes from all the crying.



  434.  #434Starbright on January 30, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    Wow, Lizka – you are so hard on yourself! Just needed some tweaking in my opinion. Do feel good that you did not beg, cry, etc! Baby steps here! I bet he noticed the improvement!



  435.  #435Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    Want to join Team RRR? Rori Raye Rocks!



  436.  #436Daria on January 30, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    how about that this woman took MY man, thats been mine since i was 18 … how about THAT

    i feel angry about THAT

    how about TAHT huh?

    do you care about that?

    no?

    oh

    ok

    i care

    about me



  437.  #437Daria on January 30, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    did i mention that i dont think my flirting with men anyway means i have to tolerate women attacking me or treating me badly or like im less important then them

    and *I* dont have to treat myself as less important that me to avoid their “justified” anger and jealousy

    UFFFf

    feel angry about this one wow

    i LOVE my anger!

    its transforming me!!!

    haha

    ladies watch out cuz if you punch me

    i will whoop you

    i dont want to fight for your man

    if you attack me

    i WILL whoop u

    i think

    or maybe just try to end it quick so i dont end up huritng my friends chidren’s mothres

    all the men love and respect me anyway



  438.  #438Daria on January 30, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    im getting more clear on my desire to be physically stronger

    i might want to do some more martial arts training!

    i woudl sure like to immobilize an incoming opponent without hurting them!!

    wooo thats my DREAM!



  439.  #439Daria on January 30, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    if i didnt fear getting hurt by these women… i could actually offer them compassion too adn honor and fairness

    i could even offer them my LOVE and companionship like i can do with MEN!



  440.  #440Daria on January 30, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    i feel so EXCITED i was able to allow myself to feel my fear

    fiori de gheatza… icy flashes donw my back

    and pinches in diff places making me feel weak and spineless

    woooo

    i didnt JUDGE msyelf as weak or bad for having these feelings

    or cowardly

    shooot it might be OK to have them

    and then i still CHOOSE!!!

    i was AWARE

    and i dindt shut it down1

    oh my god so much love for me!!!

    and also noticing me taking my heart in my teeth… and how that feels numbing and how keeping heart pulsing fragile open feels different

    mmmmm

    im feeling sleepy

    a massage would feel good…

    gonna eat chocolate for my heart



  441.  #441Daria on January 30, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    mmm the CHOCOLATE is SO helping

    right to the heart!

    and i talked to a Rabbit totem – they are always fearful and so eating them Will heal the heart since theirs is so vibratory and powerful

    i will check out the asian grocery i saw rabbit there before i think



  442.  #442Lizka on January 30, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    Thank you Starbright. Your post really feels good to read.

    I just did some breathing exercice. And I gave love to myself. And I forgave myself for not being so perfect and for being harsh with myself. I told myself I love me and I also sent some good vibration to ATW. I’m sure he felt it in his sleep. May he wake up with some positive thoughts about me.

    Ouuuuf! I feel better. Will go sleep if I don’t want to feel tired and depressed tomorrow. And i want to have the energy to run. I need the endorphins. 🙂

    Oh! And before i go to sleep, I’ll erase all of tonight’s messages from my phone. So I won’t go back to read them again and won’t feel guilty.

    And tomorrow when I’ll feel a lottle more far from this, I’ll take some notes on what to do better and I will keep them close for next time he texts or call. 🙂

    Thank you all for your support! xoxo



  443.  #443Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    Daria,

    RE: #404 – You said, “i dotn want to feel unsafe or attacked or just treated in an unloving way

    im not less than! just cuz im a single attractive woman!

    i feel angry aobut this!!”

    Just want to remind you of this fabulous quote that you have probably already seen:

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

    http://skdesigns.com/internet/articles/quotes/williamson/our_deepest_fear/

    Marianne Williamson

    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!
    Daria is a shining star!



  444.  #444Starbright on January 30, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    Also, Lizka…

    In my opinion, he would not be feeling badly towards you now. Just that it’s possible by some tweaking you would maybe have given him more to think about what a siren you are. But, not that he would be thinking bad thoughts about you now…just a degree of magnetism me thinks.



  445.  #445Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    Daria,

    I was helping ID’s ten year old with her homework last week. She was writing experiment results from adding various substances to the water fed to white carnations.

    I encouraged her to describe her results in technical words using complete sentences. She said, “If I say it that way, the kids won’t know what I mean, and they will laugh at me.”

    I told her in a loving, fun way, “Don’t EVER let anyone’s jealousy make you feel like you have to present yourself as less than who you are! Stand tall! Show your smarts! Play up your beauty!”

    Society tries to make women feel “less than”, like we are nothing but sex symbols and s1uts. It is a thread woven thru history, and it is ugly.

    I find the more I treat myself like a princess, even in the face of ridicule and people trying to put me down, to put me back “in my place”, the more I treat others with the infinite value they possess!

    And, like Rori told me, “this is how we change the world…” …by changing ourselves.

    I AM INFINITELY VALUABLE! I AM MORE THAN LOVABLE! I AM MORE THAN CAPABLE! I AM AMAZING!

    …and that translates into…

    YOU ARE INFINITELY VALUABLE! YOU ARE MORE THAN LOVABLE! YOU ARE MORE THAN CAPABLE! YOU ARE AMAZING!

    …and she whispered reverently, “I want to cradle every precious life in my hand and breathe in beauty, honor, value, and respect!!”



  446.  #446Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    Daria,

    A self defense class might feel empowering!

    I never said anything about you being wrong or anyone justified in being angry…. I simply asked a question and stated a potential response. Anything else you got from that…. was your assumption.

    My point in saying that was that whether it’s justified or not… actions glean reactions. Does it really matter how these women think of you? Does their opinion change who you are? No. Why is it so important to be liked, valued, respected…. by others? If you like yourself, feel good about yourself and your intentions… does it really matter? It would feel overwhelming to be concerned taht everyone liked and valued me. All I care about is how I view myself, and how my loved ones see me. And even that, comes second to how I feel about myself.



  447.  #447Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    Daria,

    RE: #440 – I recommend the book, Living Health, by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond.

    About rabbits, if you put a rabbit and a two year old girl in a playpen together, what would the child do?

    If she would eat the rabbit, then I will buy you a new car!

    I don’t think that is natural, and I feel horrible reading about eating a rabbit to gain strength in your heart. Maybe your heart will be stronger by sharing a carrot with a pet rabbit, and playing with her.



  448.  #448Daria on January 30, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    wow im realizing my desire to be importnat/seen/special/high status

    is from my 3rd chakra knowing that im a mircale – and wanting to be seen!

    that feels good!11



  449.  #449Daria on January 30, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    Brenda – hmm i was reading a book about totem animals

    how animals eat each other for food… and how being a predator one honors life with respect and is part of life…

    otherwise one might not pick fruit for not hurting the tree

    and in this life we have the Judgement and the built to hunt

    its an issue ive been wondering about mucho and that felt soothing and intriguing to me

    will look more into that



  450.  #450Daria on January 30, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    ((((( Brenda ))))) wow that feels good!! thank you for your supporting me

    i feel really loved and uplifted and safe

    ((((Brenda)))))



  451.  #451Daria on January 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    Turqoise – i felt furious (offended doesnt seem like a feeling message) being asked that



  452.  #452LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    438:

    Daria,

    Thaaat is so awesomely sireny! 🙂

    Imagine women loving you as much as the men do.

    That is inner strength to be able to come up with that for yourself!



  453.  #453Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    Lizka,

    RE: #348 – Please excuse me that I wasn’t able to continue interacting with you earlier. I was listening to Rori’s teleseminar. Earlier today I was listening to Reconnect Your Relationship, and Rori suggested a feeling message for that very thing. Let me tweak this for you, for future reference:

    ATW: Good night Lizka [family name]

    Me: Lol, Already going to bed AroundTheWorld [family name] ?

    ATW: Reading and going to bed

    Me: Ooh! It would feel so good to be curled up in your arms and reading with you right now!

    Lizka, when we tweak your stuff, it is not for you to bash in the side of your head. It is to gently build, build, build, your inner resources. Then more and more, the feeling messages flow off your tongue as easily as, “Good morning!”

    What I am doing with all my Ryan issues is just flooding my mind and heart with all these good things from Rori’s seminars and her blog. I may appear resistant at times, but steadily, steadily, little by little, it is becoming a part of me.

    This is deep inner change. When I started having relationship trouble almost 3 years ago, I thought I would find a quick one week turnaround by listening to her seminars. What I found is a very profound inner change that has impacted my entire life! For the better! It is worth the time and effort!

    Tonight, Rori said our fear is at the center of it. As we learn to love ourselves and sink into the fear, then all the yucky stuff goes away. She said to picture grabbing a handful of hand and squeezing it very tight. Now open your hand, and let the sand slip thru your fingers.

    Letting go of a man like that feels so scary! But holding onto him so tight, we are guaranteed to lose him! Hold onto him with an open hand, and there is a chance we will keep him, if it is right.

    It is not that bad at all that you said you feel impatient to see him. He was not offended. He was just tired. He was in bed for the night. So just think about for the next time he contacts you, a more positive way to express that same feeling. Here are some ideas:

    Remember that time we went to such-and-such? I loved that! It would feel so good to do that again!

    I feel so good when I am with you!

    It really depends on where your relationship is at. For me, with all my overfunctioning, I am trying to not give any more feeling messages about seeing him. I overdid it. WAAAY overdid it!

    But if you feel pretty connected, it’s okay to say stuff like that now and then.



  454.  #454Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    Dominique, I hadn’t been on your page in awhile…. but wanted to share that I just got on and read your recent blog, and I love it!

    “You can also try employing my pasting the fantasy meditation which you can find in my book, Sex and Heart. Briefly it’s a living your life AS IF, as if what you think and feel is true even if it isn’t at this particular moment in time. The more you can live your life AS IF, the more your reality will align with your “fantasy”.”

    That paragraph has inspired me to get your ebook. I really look forward to reading your words… as some feel a little foreign to me (since I feel more tight and serious than soft and melty) but I feel drawn to your words, wanting them to sink in with me, and help me to let out the feminine, sexy, loving woman I truly am.

    I love your as if tool and am heading up to take a warm bath and fantasize about my life, as if…. I feel certain it will bring much clarity to what I desire for my life. Thank you! You look so gorgeous by the way…. I feel inspired to have some new photos taken!



  455.  #455Daria on January 30, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    i feel pretty chill right now though!

    im aware that flirting with their men might trigger some women to be angry –

    wow! i don’t feel good to be told something like that -that feels weird… scary confusing!

    (and even not flirting with them does!)

    ‘does the teller think i dont know that?

    wht is their intention in telling me that?

    am i being treated like a child or like im ignorant or…

    just feels like im set up to be dismissed…

    oh you WERE flirting with them????

    oh thats why they’re angry … and therefor you deserve that, are in the wrong,

    Have control over other people’s emotions

    mffffff

    *I* feel angry being treated this way

    I don’t want to be at an acquiatance’s house, ex’s house,

    etc

    and the woman starts hitting him (she did)

    and then chases me

    i don’t want ANY drama

    that is NOT OK for me

    not something i want to tolerate no matter WHAT that woman is feeling, or WAHT ive been doign

    if i was sleeping with this guy… i still WANT to be treated well

    and you know waht

    i have a right to sleep with whoever i want

    just cuz you go Rowdy crazy doesnt mean you have more right than i do

    how about i beat *your* ass for distrubing my time!

    i dont put up with this SHIT!

    no mas

    well glad im notiving my emotions

    i feel al powerful right now



  456.  #456Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    Daria, I give up. This feels like a lost cause trying to converse with you. I don’t want to argue, explain, get upset, feel bad, anymore based on blog conversations. Especially as it just goes round and round… and there are other sirens here who I regularly converse with and feel the mutual respect, care and concern with/for.

    It’s like talking to a brick wall, who can’t consider or accept another point of view. I wish you all the best, I truely do… but I’m done. And, my posts tend to upset you greatly unless I’m praising you…. so not good for you either in my opinion.



  457.  #457Daria on January 30, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    what can you do tah turn me on?=)

    ~the dishes



  458.  #458LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    I can’t sleep.
    I just want a warm loving man to wrap me up in his arms.



  459.  #459LILI 41 on January 30, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    I’ll give sleep another try by imagining being wrapped up in a man’s strong protective arms.



  460.  #460Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    Brenda, you said…

    Ooh! It would feel so good to be curled up in your arms and reading with you right now!

    That sounds leaning forward to me still. How about
    I love being curled up, snuggled and reading with someone special. I miss that. leaving out the you’s…. that way, it could be interpreted as with any special man… not just him. What do you think?

    I wonder when it’s appropriate to use “you” in feeling messages and when it’s too much. This will be a struggle for me. I feel I’ll come across as aloof without any you’s, but needy with them. Wondering if there is a happy medium.



  461.  #461Daria on January 30, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    Turqoise – imagine how you would feel being asked

    “were you flirting with other women’s men? cuz that tends to bring angry women”

    in public

    you wouldn’t feel OFFENDED OR PATRONIZED AT ALL????

    it felt bad to me

    i found a lot of my own judgments though behind that – judgments about flirting with other women’s men, looking respectable and ‘moral’ in public, being thought of as “good”, being honroable and fair, status of “whose man is it” etc.

    so thank you for the trigger



  462.  #462tenny on January 30, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    Daria –

    OMG!!!! What happened? The woman you said was watching for you came out and attacked you?????

    You did good not to fight. There was nothing to fight for. She was insecure, clearly. The world is full of beautiful women and she went after someone she thought she could catch.

    There was no reason to fight her.

    Men put us in that situation. He knew that looney was loose cannon. I’m angry at him!!!!



  463.  #463Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    Lili, I’m sorry you feel sad. I wish I could make it better. Sometimes, life just really sucks. I hope you get a good nights rest and feel better in the moring. Hugs!



  464.  #464tenny on January 30, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    (((((((((((((Daria)))))))))))))

    Okay, I’m putting my anger aside and I’m focused on you.

    I’m so sorry you had to go through such a bad experience today.

    I agree that a self defense class might make you feel better, but violence is not the way for us to handle things. That is for people who have no purpose, no life, no heart, no love, no life… we are better than that.

    There’s nothing wrong with being a beautiful woman!!! Jealousy is a part of life, You just have to steer clear of it when it gets so close to you. That man should have held his beast down – chained her. He probably gets off on watching her react that way.

    I would press charged against her for attempted assault. Show her the consequences of her so called “strength” . . . it’s called a restraining order!!!



  465.  #465Daria on January 30, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    at the same time, i appreciate your honesty and directness

    sorry for getting so triggered

    i have a thing about ‘keeping up family appearances’ when it comes to sluttiness

    thought of as slutty??? not OVER HEEEEREEE…..

    id rather FIGHT AND DESTROY and DEFEND like crazy

    what if i didnt have to do that?

    what if i didn’t have to monitor what other people thought of me and my family?

    that feels too scary…



  466.  #466Daria on January 30, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    ((((tenny)))

    i appreciate your support but having her thought of that way doesnt feel quite good to me

    (though i did feel a lil thrill that he kinda “protected” me from her at first and at the end – and then i felt guilty)

    theres so many women, me included, that get all triggered and cope with it with control and violence around men

    my self defense thing – is more in general too –

    feeling powerful in myself – like superpower heroine – i sone of my dreams



  467.  #467Daria on January 30, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    tenny – im babystepping towards being angry at him…

    and also acknowledging that i might actually also feel angry that he married her… and didnt pursue me harder

    rrrr



  468.  #468tenny on January 30, 2012 at 8:58 pm

    I’ve had women angry and after me because their nasty men, who I wanted nothing to do with, wanted me. I let them know to keep him home where you can watch him because I don’t want him . . . too busy with real men.

    It’s not your fault Daria. Do you see how guys are if you just walk down the street? Minding your business and they are eyes fixed on a$$ and ti&ts. Just because I keep a smile on my face does not mean it’s for every idiot with a hard-on on the street.

    No sweetheart, it was not your fault, EVEN IF YOU FLIRTED.



  469.  #469Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    No Daria, I wouldn’t have felt angry or patronized. I would look at my behavior to see if I brought on the reaction I received, and how I felt about it.

    And your comments that your beauty is a reason you receive bad behavor sounds victimy to me. I know some extraordiarily beautiful women, who are even more wonderful on the inside. They don’t use their beauty as a crutch or an excuse. My friend Lisa is such a siren, she’s drop dead gorgeous, body to die for, married to a wonderful, successful and rich man, who she works with full time in their own business. She’s also a mother, daughter and friend. They take at least 6 vacations a year, have a huge boat, house, cars….. but the thing is, she grew up in a really small town, playing in the woods… and she talks more about where she came from than where she is now, and I have never heard her once say how beautiful she is. She knows it, everyone does… without the reminders.

    It’s nice realizing that I know some sirens, to have that living model of what it “looks like.”



  470.  #470tenny on January 30, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    Daria

    He wants a cave woman, not a siren 🙂

    But yes, please explore that anger. Even if it involves him marrying her . . . Could you imagine being in her place, living a life of jealousy like that???? I’ve seen this before, hell, I’ve been there, with a man who want’s to make you jealous of other women. They are toxic baby, pure toxic. Life is so much bigger and better than that. I’ll be angry at him for you 🙂



  471.  #471Turquoise on January 30, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    I’m going to bed…. haven’t been getting enough sleep lately, and part of taking better care of myself is getting enough rest!

    Goodnight sirens!!! Hugs to you!!!!



  472.  #472tenny on January 30, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    I’m sorry, I’m attacking that woman for coming after you, but had a cop been there, she could have been arrested – so there something wrong with what she did, clearly. Grrrrrrrrr, I’m still angry!!!



  473.  #473Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    Daria,

    You’re welcome! I had to cum face to face with this jealousy of other women when I lost 90 lbs in my 20s. I went from being the ugly duckling to being the beautiful swan! I had no idea how to handle the jealousy of other women, and suddenly I looked like a model! Perfect size 12!

    Oh gosh! And add to that being single?! I was treated like the woman with the Scarlet Letter! The unspoken message was, “You horrible, s1utty wench! How dare you look at my husband!” I felt confused, like whaaaat? Suddenly I’m a bad person because I got two beautiful breasts, a slender waist, and a vagina?

    I had private visions of these women holding up a cross like exorcising me as a lustful d3mon! LOL!

    Like whaaaat? Suddenly I’m not a human being with feelings? It hurt! And I did fall prey to feeling less than, because I was being treated so badly.

    Now I am overweight again, but that is changing. But I know now that I am the same beautiful woman inside, and that I deserve the best. Never again will I let someone treat me less than.

    I picture myself walking tall wearing my wedding gown, on my wedding day! And I”m going to look dazzling!



  474.  #474tenny on January 30, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    (((((Lili)))))))



  475.  #475tenny on January 30, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    Brenda

    “I picture myself walking tall wearing my wedding gown, on my wedding day! And I”m going to look dazzling!”

    You go girl!!



  476.  #476tenny on January 30, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    I have an early morning. There is so much I missed on the blog this evening – I will catch up tomorrow. Hugs to everyone and anyone I missed. G’nite sirens, much luv.



  477.  #477Emerson on January 30, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    Im feeling so overwhelmed with negative feelings/thoughts

    I feel sad and mad and helpless and small

    🙁

    I am dealing with family drama that I’d like to just walk away from but I cannot

    And it’s bringing up old stuff – pain about my Father abandoning me (emotionally) and just feeling like he didn’t like me when I needed him soo much (in my early 20s)

    I keep going back to that time because I feel like that’s when I turned to my dark side and started hiding my feelings with drinking and cigarettes and parties and lots of boyfriends. I so did not want do be that girl but it just sort of started careening out of control and now I feel like I missed my window of fate or something.

    I feel so sad and I don’t like revisiting those feelings of rejection and my MOM did not even help me through it at all…the problem was always ME and I tried so hard to be a good student and have jobs and a degree and not bother them for money or attention or ANYTHING…and still I didn’t get the reward I wanted.

    Acceptance.

    It still hurts really f&cking bad and maybe that’s why I assume a quality man won’t ever love me for life.

    Hate this.



  478.  #478Emerson on January 30, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    I’m feeling negative at how I’m being treated at work too. It’s morphed from dream job to a place filled with tension…

    I keep telling myself to be positive not negative but I still spiral when all the work drama starts even if I’m not part of it….I feel affected.

    I’m really missing having a man in my life and a partner to dream about the future with. I feel sad and alone and I don’t have any kids and it may be too late for me and I feel panicked and pathetic and ashamed.



  479.  #479Emerson on January 30, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    I find myself daydreaming about emailCD whom I have never met in person…and I know if he is not in front of me he does not exist….but he is so my type and the whole package…so it seems…

    Then I tell myself, Emerson, he’s probably a player, it’s too good to be true, he would not like you that much…maybe at first but then he’d probably get tired of you…you are annoying and not worth it.

    I feel totally uninspired to CD anyone.

    I feel like I look good every day with my hair and makeup always done and cute clothes but I feel SAD inside.



  480.  #480Tiffany on January 30, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    So many posts! I haven’t had time to catch up…



  481.  #481Tiffany on January 30, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    #478

    “I feel like I look good every day with my hair and makeup always done and cute clothes but I feel SAD inside.”

    Aw…Emerson. ((hugs)) Me too!

    I feel like that a lot sometimes.

    And did you know that I had an email CD as well? That was Jc, from a couple threads back, I think. It was quite the email drama, for a few days there. But now I think I’m done with him. It was all a little bit much for me. And I’m sure he was just being himself and a guy and it wasn’t a big deal. But I felt really hurt and ignored, so I responded to him once, and then just stopped. *sigh*

    He, too, seemed really interested in me and gung-ho for a guy who had never seen me before and had no real plans to meet me in person! I mean, kind of a deal-breaker, right, since you can’t really have a relationship with someone you’ve never met. And also, he spent so much time online with me and not out meeting girls, and complaining about being lonely, so…in all, maybe not such a great “catch” 😉

    I prefer “real” men!



  482.  #482Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    Lizka,

    RE: #398 – “Thank you Lili. I feel so lost right now. Like a little kid who was so excited about getting a new gift and broke it in 5 seconds by playing with it too hard and now feeling tearful and wishing she could go back a few hours ago to get the gift again and treat it well…

    🙁 I feel teary.

    And I feel stupid telling you I feel teary for such a stupid thing. You have 100 more reasons to feel teary and you seem so strong. I feel guilty…”

    Awww, Lizka, what a beautiful expression of your feelings! Gentle, warm hugs to Lizka. Broken boy toys are easily repaired! What’s most important is your heart. Let’s flood it with love and compassion! Let’s feel good and do good things for Lizka!

    Beauty, beauty, beauty, infused into your beautiful heart! No need to cry, no need to feel bad. Tomorrow will come and he will contact you again, and you will have another chance!

    ATW: Good night Lizka [family name]

    Wait! What’s Lizka doing?! Lizka? Lizka! Where are you? You’re not sitting home waiting for my 45 second text?

    (the next morning)

    Lizka: Oh, it felt good to find your “Good night” text on my phone just now! I was having such a good time last night I didn’t even have time to check my phone!

    ATW: What were you doing?

    Lizka: I was out on a date at this amazing opera, and I touched a deep place in myself I never knew was there!

    ATW: You were on a date?

    Lizka: Yes, and I felt so pampered!

    ATW: How long have you been dating this man?

    Lizka: Well it was our first date…and I have another date tomorrow!

    ATW: With the same guy? Where are you going?

    Lizka: Yes, and he is taking me to see a romantic movie! I feel so excited!

    ATW: Are you free Friday night?

    Lizka: Let me check my calendar…yes! It would feel so good to spend some time with you!

    ATW: Great! I found out about a live play at a community college. Would you like that?

    Lizka: Ooo! That would feel nice!

    ATW: All right, how about dinner first? I’ve been wanting to try this new steakhouse. I could pick you up at 6, all right?

    Lizka: That feels like a good plan, thank you!

    ATW: All right, pet-name-that-you-hate. See you then!

    Lizka: “Pet-name-that-you-hate” feels weird

    ATW: Oh?

    Lizka: I feel weird telling you this, but I feel uncomfortable with being called that name.

    ATW: All right, no problem, Sweet dreams. Mouah! xxx



  483.  #483Tiffany on January 30, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    I feel uncomfortable with my “boy” energy.

    I feel weird about my masculine. Is it too strong? Is it not strong enough?

    What about my little girl? Is she getting what she needs? Is she getting enough flowers and sparkles and ponies and cupcakes? Or is the boy getting all the attention and the trucks and hogging the spotlight, as usual? Is my girl going to come out and dance or make me a pretty drawing?

    I’d like to see what she does. I bet she’s pretty cute…



  484.  #484Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    (((Emerson))),

    I believe in fairy tales. I believe fairy tales still come true. I believe a fairy tale romance will come true for you.

    I hug the little girl inside who needed her Daddy and he wasn’t there for her.

    Do you have a therapist?



  485.  #485Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    Tiffany,

    RE: #482 – What a precious post! That is adorable! I love how you wrote that! Let that little girl out! 🙂



  486.  #486Starbright on January 30, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    Tiffany – “Is she getting enough flowers and sparkles and pony’s and cupcakes?”

    I love this! Aw, I want to take care of my little girl too!



  487.  #487Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    “What is keeping you here is fear. It is not the fear itself, but running away from the fear is keeping you stuck.” ~ Rori Raye



  488.  #488Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    Sisters,

    It is now 1 am, and I have spent the entire day on Siren Island!

    And I refuse to give in to the Nasty Voices that say, “You wasted the whole day!”

    NO I DIDN’T! It was a productive day of rest and restoration, and I learned a lot! I worked hard…on feeling, thinking, and believing!

    God night!



  489.  #489Starbright on January 30, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    486: Brenda…

    And, did Rori have a recommendation after that quote…anything to help in facing fear?

    I am in a place of needing to face fears…take much better care of myself…stop procrastinating!

    And, just wrote myself a letter dated one year from today. I feel better than I’ve felt all day…struggling to get myself to do some things! Ah, the fear. I’m thinking baby steps would help…but just curious if Rori had something else to help?



  490.  #490Brenda on January 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    Starbright:

    From my notes of Rori:

    The core thot is masculine feminine.

    What you would do if you could make a difference in the world?

    Read more? Look at self with compassion? Save self, save world. That is your boy’s job.

    We do not want him to feel urgent. Urgent is like a guy trying to get in your pants.

    When you feel the need to move forward and feel urgency, say thank you boy, now I’m going to let my girl stew a little bit, intuit, and feel her way.

    Get boy doing something better, something meaningful, and not letting him run you by fear.



  491.  #491Tiffany on January 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    I think I need to do the “I’m all that” exercise.
    I need to get it back to being all about me. And I’m ALL THAT.

    All that he wants.
    All that he needs.
    All that he thinks about….

    These last two days, I’ve felt pretty good about the weekend, and the time we spent together. But I still don’t have any idea where it’s all going, or what it is, or what it means. I don’t have a clear picture in my head of where I see it going (not that I want to), or a clear feeling as to whether he is Right For Me all the time, or only when he happens to be sitting next to me.

    Because right now, when he’s not here with me, in person, he is nowhere.

    He’s stopped emailing me, stopped texting me. Well, he never emailed much to begin with. But he used to be my most CONSISTENT texter. Every day, one text, at least a hi, how are you, or a good morning or good night. now, nothing. What did I do or say to make him want to stop? The first week after we met, he was calling me every day.

    Now it’s like he knows he can get away with less. Girrrr. I am being a doormat. I hate that!

    I actually sent him a text today – not really wanting to lean forward – but I said “It would feel great to talk to you, if you have time.” (see? FM – it would feel great + respecting his time).

    After an hour, he texted back that he was tired and that he has a conference for 2 weeks, which he never mentioned when we hung out on Saturday. But then I was on gmail, and saw he was on chat. hm….I didn’t like feeling suspicious, so I logged off….

    But it’s like he never assumed that he would talk to me again…It’s so bizarre. Though I can’t really know that or anything about that, because I’m not really in his head.

    The bottom line is, I think I am “training” him in such a way that he no longer feels it’s necessary for him to call me to keep my interest – even though he knows that I’m dating other people.

    So what did text back? Let’s see, first I said “Oh, I didn’t know about that. Are you traveling?” (curious). No response. And about 20 minutes later, “Ok, we can talk later (as he’d suggested). I miss u.”

    Ugh. I feel like the biggest doormat EVER. Like, “oohhhh, honey…..you just treated me so badly. You put me off, and you are making me feel ignored and unheard and unwanted and not special. And oh, by the way, I miss u so much!@!!! Please, treat me badly in the future, so I can miss you some more!!!”

    Gag me, gag me, gag me. Ugh.

    I feel so….ack. Not for THIS guy!! yes, he’s really sweet. yes, he made me food, and it was delicious. yes, he treats me great when we’re together and says all the right things. But it’s all about what’s happening between us in the moment. There’s no real connection to his life or to my life. There is just this thing; this powerful connection between us. And that’s it. Where can I go with that? what can I do with it? I can’t make any plans. I can’t make any decisions.

    I wanted to invite him to my friend’s wedding later in February. I have to rsvp for a guest by Wednesday, if I’m not going alone. He’s the only person in my “rotation” that I’d want to invite to come with me. And I actually really kind of want him there. Plus, the wedding is going to be closer to his place than mine. It makes so much “sense.” And yet, I feel nervous asking him. It feels wrong. I’m not supposed to “ask” a guy to do things. But how else can I do it? I can’t wait for him to invite himself along? And anyway, what if he doesn’t want to go? What if I ask him and he says no? Ah, there it is – there is the fear of rejection.

    That’s exactly it. I’m already afraid he is going to reject my invitation, that I’ve barely even made one. I tested the waters, saying that I had these two weddings to go to, and I’ve mentioned them a couple of times. but I haven’t said to him: “K, would you like to come to my friend’s wedding with me?” I haven’t said to him, “It would feel so good to have you there with me. I hate to go to weddings alone.” And I’m afraid that if I just wait for him to call me, then he won’t call me tomorrow, and I won’t get a chance to ask him. And then I’ll be sad.

    but on the other hand, if I don’t ask him, and he doesn’t come with me, then I’ll get a ride from a guy friend who lives near me, and he’s almost like a CD, because I can tell that he’s kind of attracted to me. But he never makes a move on me. Actually, sometimes I’m afraid he might, but not really. I could handle it. I just find it fun to flirt with him, even though I don’t see it going anywhere.

    Wow, I feel like I’m wasting so much time!

    I spend so much time thinking about my personal life and trying to “figure” this stuff out. I always laugh when EMK asks if we’re spending enough time “investing” in out love lives. Ha! I’d say I invest most of my time in my love life! I should spend more time on the rest of my life – the part that might actually sustain me or something, because this love thing is NOT panning out for me.

    How can two people love each other and not be able to say it to the other, and not be able to have the other person truly in their lives?

    I must give more love to me. I must make sure that I have room to be in MY life, and that I’m really THERE. Otherwise, there is no me to love….

    Okay, that is my massive essay for the evening.

    Hugs to Siren Island!



  492.  #492Starbright on January 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    Brenda,

    Thanks, for replying before going to sleep! I shall think and feel on what you wrote…

    I sometimes procrastinate on things I need to do until I have to do them and it does become somewhat urgent! Work stuff, house stuff, etc…It’s like I don’t want to face things that need doing and actually must be done…that kind of thing is mostly what I was referring to right now.

    Perhaps I need to get my boy to take better care of my girl! That sounds like what I need to be doing!

    This is to be my year of taking better care of me. I just wasn’t thinking in those Rori ideas of my boy taking care of my girl!

    Thanks again!

    Sweet dreams!



  493.  #493Tiffany on January 30, 2012 at 10:23 pm

    Aw…thanks, Brenda; thanks, Starbright!

    Starbright, I like your name! 🙂



  494.  #494Starbright on January 30, 2012 at 10:30 pm

    Aw, thanks, Tiffany!

    I totally agree with your thoughts on needing to give more love to oneself! I am so there right now!

    And, hugs to you on wanting to have a certain cd with you at a wedding! Feels like a lean back take your time with that type of situation to me. Weddings seem to sometimes scare a guy…and could be a good place to meet a new cd! What do you think?



  495.  #495Starla on January 30, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    WOAH, lizka, you did NOT screw anything up. Wowwww you seem really unnecessarily harsh on yourself. Even without tweaks, you seriously didn’t screw anything up. It was one little step in leaning forward and everything else leaning back. You broke a major pattern. Girl, NOTHING is screwed up. I’m sure it didn’t even phase him or register on his radar. Think of yourself as “impatient diva” instead, if it helps.

    I want you to not be so harsh on yourself. Not JUST because it’s unsireny, but because objectively you seriously did nothing wrong here.

    i feel shocked seeing how upset your “mistake” made you because to me it is nothing! You are actually doing really good!!!



  496.  #496Silver-Tongued Siren on January 30, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    Ladies…

    I am not feeling very happy right now.

    I am feeling a bit anxious, but I just prayed after which I felt quite calm, have just worked myself up again.

    So Man I Live With is still not home. Over the weekend Bio-Father-of Baby was visiting and Man I Live With texted me at 3:30 one morning that he came over but saw that Bio-Father-of-Baby was here and did not want to intrude (although we have all stayed in the same house before, but now that he has “taken space”..)

    Well, the next night he came over after Bio-Father had left. (texted right before he came……..) brought me a bottle of wine he had bought me but left immediately (which upset me and baby both) to go to dinner party of a “friend” of ours who is friends with this girl he slept with. (who was there.)..

    I don’t even understand why he has slept with her!!!!

    So not only has he slept with her again since the new years incident, he this weekend slept with someone else!!! A “friend” of mine, who he will not tell me, but I know, because he is afraid to tell me lest I say anything to them.

    I did not know this, when he said he would be willing to come home to sleep last night, if we could all just cuddle (him, me, baby)… he said he was even willing to listen a little if i felt the need to express myself. well i talked a bit, more than i intended though, and we slept. we ended up having sex though this morning. All was well until he got angry that I wasn’t finished with a filing project I was supposed to have done (I got the date wrong).. I got most of it done today, however while he was here we had an unpleasant conversation, no matter how hard I tried to stay calm I ended up yelling a bit and crying.

    He left, we had a bit of text exchange, and he even said he didn’t want to live with me. I decided to test him, in order to see whether he would be accepting of my compromising to meet his “needs” or whether he would just come up with something else, I offered a new angle of cooperating with his open relationship perhaps with some rules introduced, which he liked and said showed my open thinking YET that is “not our only problem”!! “and so because of the number of problems we have and still struggle with (my finances, not sure what else??) he is still open to finding a person that better fits the role of primary” ………… forgetting that these perceived problems are the result of his unloving behavior and my being left mostly on my own with baby by these two men. I feel I have tried to present practical solutions to things now and in the past which he either has tried but not stuck to or that he hasn’t been willing to try – “we’ll talk about it later” … as he is so emotionally unopen lately. then he said he thinks I have a double standard b by continuing to sleep with BioFather of Baby (… if he cared I would stop and he knows it – and the only reason I even have is because he doesn’t make me feel like he cares about me since he had said he was leaving, etc). AND by “wanting support financially yet not giving any” —– it’s a little hard to work when I HAVE NO HELP WITH THE BABY! I do my best. I get all the work I can find, and it’s not nearly enough.. but I have a child here…..(had two before this – stepdaughter, but she is out of town right now for a few months).

    YET!!!! Then, he told me that the friend whose place he’s using right now and his gf have a good therapist…… and I mentioned one I have mentioned before also.. and he asked how much she charges. I told him I would find out but didn’t get a chance to tell him yet ($175 an hour!!!! Ouch!)

    well after all that, I texted him some things which he ignored and I did my best but then gave in and I called him- not even just ONCE – but a few times in case he didn’t hear the phone cause I thought he was “out”…. (and after he has told me he appreciates me not bombarding him with calls – i know i’m SO GOOD about this). But then I called him!!!! to ask him to come home tonight…. and he spoke to me in front of this person, my “friend”, his “date” whom he has slept with, and told me, no, I don’t think I’m going to come there tonight – no- I’m SURE i’m NOT going to be coming there tonight – and I think last night caused some confusion – from the texts you’re sending (or something) … I’m going to go. can we talk about this later.

    completely humiliating!

    I hung up with him and called him back to express my anger that he does not seem to even be loving the baby, though he said he wanted to spend more time with him, i havent seen him do it (since he’s been taking “space”), He didn’t answer, so I left as gentle (tone) of a message as I could on his voicemail, and said how hurt I was – and then texted to add how humiliated I was he spoke to me like that on the phone infront of the “date” …

    I said..and I know I didnt do this right, today has just not been perfect:

    “I feel humiliated with you speaking like that to me infront of someone. I see i am important to you. That really hurt. I don’t feel cared about at all here. You are not caring for our child or me. Goodbye. Don’t ever contact me again unless you want to discuss our relationship.”

    I am scared and anxious about this, but felt better after I typed out a prayer. I feel sad, I feel worried he will not be faithful to me, that he would just replace my company… but.. he is already looking around “taking space”-sleeping with others … and I tried to do the third way, keeping him on my horse by allowing him to come around a bit to connect, as long as it felt good, and refusing to have sex with him since he had sex with someone else over New Years… (until I did today).. but obviously he is just going to try to keep me in his life while he takes a look around, and I am NOT going to play that game because our relationship and family is important to me.he even keeps saying we need to work on our friendship and find a common foundation to work from and start there. I am not going to be fed that, either. It could be rational but coming from a man, i think he is just trying to keep me in his life. I had this fear of cutting him off because I feared that would keep him from connecting!!! But.. I felt so bad tonight that i did..

    I pray God uses my words, because I am far from perfect today. I can’t believe I told him not to ever contact me again unless it’s about our relationship, but… I don’t know what else to do!!!!???

    and I’m sure he will anyway as I have to “work” for him right now, and am about to get started on the years taxes, and he will surely drop by to get things or to see us… ugh.

    sigh, whine, cry, hide..what do i do? I feel sad right now, and terrible. I feel scared but am trying to have faith that God will work this out for the highest good of our relationship if I decide to be patient for it it… and I have been learning that I should be single minded in what I want, and that has finally made sense to me –

    focusing your energy on what you WANT, not what you don’t want –

    and here I am telling him this is not acceptable for me…..but i couldn’t see a way to work that principle in and get anything in my favor.

    ugh the world should come with an instruction manual.

    I hope he comes running back!!! someone give me some uplifting words here please…

    love, silver…



  497.  #497Emerson on January 30, 2012 at 10:51 pm

    I like this song but the blonde girl makes me feel like crying because she reminds me of myself…full of hope and somehow it goes wrong…all dressed up to go out and get drunk…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZQaxehjvtI



  498.  #498Emerson on January 30, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    thx brenda and tiffany



  499.  #499Emerson on January 30, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    i hate cops



  500.  #500Starla on January 30, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    in the end all i did was thank CF for explaining. he was explaining himself and i felt glad that he was communicating with me. i didn’t send any other messages.

    i called him to come pick me up from dinner as planned and he was asleep and out of it when he answered the phone…he sounded cranky and unwilling to come (me triggered, making up dramatic stories in my head) so i started to question and overfunction and feel cold and unloved, and he certainly wasn’t seeming any warmer or happier on the phone, and then when i went back inside to wait for him to come, it occurred to me that i was MAKING UP PROBLEMS in my head, being triggered from my mom and my exes SLEEPING THROUGH times they were supposed to be there for me.

    and so I put on a smile and waved at him when he came and I climbed into his car for the most relaxing and lovey ride home ever:) And more showering of Starla with affection and love and pampering back at my place, until i had to kick him out.

    he said many things about seeing me more this week, planning a certain date and telling me he is going to be sure to see me before then too.

    he really hears me when i let him know what would feel good to me. He really cares about making me happy:) This is great since men are not psychic.



  501.  #501Emerson on January 30, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    they make bad boyfriends



  502.  #502Silver-Tongued Siren on January 30, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    I can’t believe this, after the perfect phone call we had the other day… i got sucked into his complaints today, feeling hurt that he thinks i just didn’t care about getting it done on time….

    its like such a fine balance.. and i don’t know…

    i m confused by his up and down behavior. i guess he is confused as well.



  503.  #503Silver-Tongued Siren on January 30, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    and of course he just called me. he left a message.



  504.  #504Rori Raye on January 30, 2012 at 11:07 pm

    Tanya – forgive me for going in this direction, tho you didn’t ask – I’m very familiar with Fibromyalgia, and with different alternative treatments. I’d like to encourage you to find a holistic healer with a track record with this who can clear it up for you – there are several protocols – first deals with candida and inflammation, second uses movement like yoga, and some more I know of….and with plain supplements like probiotics, cod liver oil, adaptogens, vitamins – your hormones and energy level can improve dramatically. That said – for now…just do what you can and stay open. You can turn your low energy into calm and serene – and that’s very attractive. I have a friend with MS and diabetes who met her dream man, told him about her health on the 3rd date, and brilliantly and happily married him. Love, Rori