How To Fix His Kissing, His Dancing, His Lovemaking, And Everything Else

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Okay – He’s a good man.

He’s a masculine energy man. He loves you, he treats you great.

Only – you’re bored with him.

You don’t feel the chemistry, or you’re attracted to him but he doesn’t kiss great or make love great. What now?

Here’s the question laid out by “Unmoved”:

“Hi Rori, Using your Tools has helped me tremendously, and thanks to your guidance, I am Circular Dating and very involved with a wonderful, strong, quality man. (We have been dating for 4 months.)

He’s handsome, successful, hard-working, funny, brave, devoted, honest, affectionate and generous.

He’s in law enforcement, so it should be easy to imagine what a strong masculine-energy he has, and he loves and appreciates my complimentary feminine energy.

Leaning-back is easy with him, because he so actively pursues and cares for me.

I never wonder, “where is this going?” (he shares his plans for the future with me quite frankly and unashamedly), “what is he thinking about me?” (he tells me all the time he’s crazy about me), and “will he call me?” (he calls frequently and when he says he will).

I’m living proof that good men exist and can be found at any age (I’m 39) , and that strong men WILL make us feel cherished and safe.

You are absolutely right, Rori – we don’t have to do anything but be vulnerable and share our hearts!

Now to my problem (nothing’s ever perfect, right?!).

This good, strong man is NOT a good kisser!!!

When we make out (we haven’t had sex), his attentions leave me cold.

The issue is purely technique-related, because I absolutely find him attractive, but I am afraid even the most vulnerable Feeling Message about changing how he kisses will wound him terribly!

Rori, any advice on how to talk to a man about how he can better meet your physical needs, without making him feel inadequate?

Many thanks! ‘Unmoved'”

My Answer:

First: Men ABHOR being told what to do – everywhere but in sex.

Men LOVE being ordered around during sex.

*If you do it because you’re feeling sexy and you want to feel even sexier – it’ll turn him on.

*If you do it because you’re feeling disappointed and want to “correct” him – he’ll pick up on that and it’ll leave him as cold as YOU feel.

So – once again – it’s not about what you do or say as much as it’s about: Where’s it coming from?

It’s a process of you breaking down what it is exactly he’s not doing that you wish he was doing, and what he’s doing you wish he wasn’t doing.

And – once you break that down into tiny pieces and steps – you’ll know the place you want to start:

“…oooo..I like it when your lips are soft like that…”

“Oh, I like it when your tongue is softer and quieter and sexier…like that…”

Slow him down…

Open your mouth, open his mouth…

Whatever you’d like to start with first.

Then let him work with that for awhile, and learn to sink into him to release all your worries about his performance, and just let your body do it’s natural thing with the attraction you feel for him.

Right now – it’s your mind juggling your thoughts about how you’re going to deal with his kissing that’s stopoping you from feeling turned on.

After some time goes by, you’ll have grown into more physical moves, and you can add a new step for him.

You can either keep it all to yourself and say nothing, and build up resentment and a feeling of anger and powerlessness…or you can try tweaking the above scripts so they match the individual (or global!) things you’d like to see happen (or not happen).

This will help you get to the full-out sex part, where you’ll have to guide him, talk to him, teach him your body (which he absolutely hopes you’ll do).

Men hate being in the dark when it comes to pleasing you.

Unless he’s a dunce and a bad student, he’ll be able to follow the clues you give him…and he will love how it feels when he makes an adjustment and YOU turn on!!!

Right now, he can feel you shutting down and getting into your head – and before that makes things more diffficult and less fun for both of you – try a small tweak and script, and see what happens!  I think he’ll be grateful and happy!

Love, Rori

 

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