How to Get a Quality Man to Trip Over Himself to Meet You!

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My dear friend Cherry Norris – she’s a superb relationship coach, doing teleseminars because she has such a huge audience (I’ll give you the details on her next one at the end – gave me this GREAT article to guest post:

“How to Get a Quality Man to Trip Over Himself to Meet You!”
by Cherry Norris

Maria was out to dinner with her girlfriends.

At the restaurant, she noticed a cute man standing by the bar.

Maria looked at him. The man turned, saw her. Embarrassed, Maria dropped her eyes and turned her head.

“Oh my God he’s looking at me,” Maria blushed.

“Go up and introduce yourself,” one friend chided.

“No!” advised the other. “If he’s really interested, he’ll approach you. You don’t have to do anything.”

Maria waited. The man didn’t approach. Damn. Another missed opportunity.

Has this happened to you?

You see a cute man you’d like to meet, but you haven’t felt comfortable knowing what to do or say so the opportunity passes. The result is you don’t meet.

Next time you see a man you like, try this simple, fail-proof strategy. You will have him literally tripping over his feet to meet you!

1. Spot the Man You Want to Meet

This requires going out and finding your man. So gather your girlfriends and go out for drinks. Or meet at the gym. Or plan a ski trip.

Think of where your man would be. Is he athletic? Is he an intellectual? Is he a world traveler? If so, where would he go?

Think of places your man could be. Then go to those places.

(Be sure to dress cute!)

Once you find your man, position yourself so he can see you easily.

2. Catch His Eye and Smile for 6 Seconds

Yes, a five second smile works too. (Just no less than four!) Yes, it feels like forever, but it works. If he turns his head away, keep smiling. He will eventually look back at you.

Take a deep breath. Breathing lifts your breasts and will calm you down. (Two benefits in one.)

If your man is available and interested, he will approach you. (This is when he may trip over himself!)

3. Wait for Him to Speak First

When your man approaches you, let him speak first. Let him start the conversation. Let him say whatever he wants to say.

It’s tough when you are nervous and want to say something. You feel so vulnerable … but it’s important you don’t.

Instead, bit your lip and wait for him. If he speaks first, you know he’s interested.

Even if he says something odd like, “Where’d you get your shoes?” (You’ll laugh about it later.) Your man is brave. He’s a hero. It takes courage for your man to walk across the room and say “hello.”

If you want to know more about what to do with your man after you meet and know if he’s romantically interested within 15 minutes, then join my free live tele-seminar.

Love, Cherry

From Rori: Here’s how you get to Cherry’s free seminar “How to Meet Your Man … Get Him to Approach You in Less Than 6 Seconds … And Know If He’s Romantically Interested within 15 Minutes” on Wednesday, October 20 at 5:00 p.m PST. CLICK HERE NOW to register

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882 Comments

  1.  #1Daria on October 18, 2010 at 11:53 am

    Ack, I just got nervous and told a man on the phone “don’t worry about it”. When he asked who I had plans with. Now 4 men want plans w me today. Wow. I feel schedually challenged.



  2.  #2Daria on October 18, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    they’re everywhere they’re everwhere coming at me! wooo hoooo!



  3.  #3Denise on October 18, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    Schedually challenged! Too funny, good for you!

    I need some help with Soft on the Outside feeling messages to my rubber band man, Perfect Man, who has pulled the disappearing act since Saturday when I told him I made theatre plans (without him- our first Saturday nite apart since dating) as part of my CDing, and raising the difficulty level. He always is taking for granted that I make the plans.

    I am trying to be the Anchor. Steady, but Soft on the Outside. He hasn’t called me or return my text, and I feel mad that he has gone into his man cave. I am calm though. Just thinking of the right thing to say it, for when he does call! Help me Tap the Female Energy so I don’t send him rubber banding, slipping away.



  4.  #4Daria on October 18, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Denise – ohh it feels great to hear from you.. And truthfully, I feel a bit upset to not have any contact for so long…



  5.  #5Daria on October 18, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    More men are calling! Out the woodwork! That guy I’ve dated on off for ten years called to tell me he’s going out of town.., lol



  6.  #6Denise on October 18, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    U got the MAJOR MOJO going on! Is it some special tea, herb, or other product aiding in this??? Gimme some! I want some.

    When it rains it pours. I am feeling very excited for you. I feel something good will come from the all the action. Action leads to reaction.



  7.  #7Daria on October 18, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    Denise – I think it’s because I held my boundaries with my last 2 ( 1/2 ) cd’s, and also didn’t reach put to men when I was feeling lonely yesterday and the day before. My vibe must have cleared! I feel thrilled! A lil overwhelmed in a good way!

    Thank you Angels!



  8.  #8Denise on October 18, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    Help! That feeling message sounds strong. Is it ok to start so strong, even though I am trying to get him to stop his behavior of disappearing? He often will say something like : “I did not want to call you ‘cuz I knew we would have this conversation right off the bat”. I know he is determining whether he can go the distance just after we had some great closeness this past week… and probably coming to terms getting closer to commitment. I decided I need to disclose the truth that I went to the theatre with my dad when it is appropriate to tell. Then a concert on top of that- I am having fun without him. He knows I am capable of that. That is part of why he is attracted to me, as I am always the fun one- LOL!



  9.  #9Denise on October 18, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    Boundaries do help clear the way to clarity!



  10.  #10Denise on October 18, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    The ten year guy- you mean he is coming into town and wants to see you??? Wow.



  11.  #11Jean on October 18, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    Daria, I have noticed that as well…when it rains, it pours…men!, LOL! maybe its the vibe or something…that I/we send out to the universe? I have times when there are no men…and I feel sad about it…and then there are times when I ,too…can’t fit them all in! and I feel like saying…can we spread this out a bit, where were you all when there wasn’t one in my life, LOL! do you think its the good feeling vibe we have when many are wanting us, that just radiates out of us, sending messages throughout the universe?



  12.  #12Jason Miller on October 18, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    3: Denise

    “He always is taking for granted that I make the plans.”

    Hi, Denise. I’m wondering how this precedent got started. I’m assuming you’d feel more secure and more attracted to him if he made the plans, right? But if the dynamic is already set with your regularly taking the lead, you’re likely exercising too much of your masculine energy in an effort to “make it happen.”

    So for him to go silent and retreat is not unexpected. I can’t speak for him, but there’s a possibility he doesn’t feel empowered to take the lead with you. I don’t know if he would naturally take the lead or not, but it occurs to me you might want to test for it.

    Here’s what I’ve advised in the past and it seems to work in these cases. You can invite him to take the lead by

    1. Telling him when you’re available.
    2. Telling him you’re open to whatever he wants to plan for your date.
    3. Optional: Not offering to pay when he plans the date.

    And then just observe what he does and how it feels to you.

    It’s important to keep in mind that men and women, especially those of us in Generation X, are poorly educated or socialized in how attraction and courtship works. So very often as a woman you may find yourself prompting the man to relax into his natural masculine nature. You often literally have to give him permission until he hopefully gets it.

    Let me know if that works for you.



  13.  #13Denise on October 18, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    Jason, we have fallen in our roles. We are middle aged- 40’s. I am a Type A personality, and am still learning to lean back which is working, in the physical realm. He claims that he has never persued a woman (not ever!!) and felt he was so good looking, that he did not have to! Cocky in one way, he is very unassuming and down to earth, in others. He is a gentleman, reserved, and good and honest. He has all the qualities I am looking for . But this is the first time I am dating a non Type A man. And my Perfect Man is independent.

    I never pay for a date, except for when I took him out for his birthday – even then he fought against it! Sometimes, I get comped tickets to events, and I occassionally I cook or bake special foods he likes; even then he does not want me to fuss. So it is give and take. I never want him to feel emasculated!

    Although he is not a take charge kind of guy, I do invite him to take the lead, and a few times, it was wonderful! But he often tells me “just make a plan and I will show up!”. I have laughed. Recently, he attempted to get us tickets for a concert and sign us up for dance classes. He kept asking me to go to the school to register, and I mentioned it would not be convenient- so I kept throwing it back to him since it was his idea, which made me happy. Eventually, although too late, he followed through.

    It’s not that he takes me making the plans for granted, it is that he does not ask to be in my presence to make a plan; he assumes he will be. He does not feel it is necessary to have a plan. I am a planner, naturally. I do not think this disappearing act is a matter of him not feeling comfy to take the lead. I think it is more of a rubber band thing, where he is evaluating his words some weeks ago, that “if my needs are not getting meet (my opinion about our relationship going forward towards committing), then I should date others, to which I said ok. End of subject. And he has not initiated an “exclusive conversation” since then. He knows my intent to want marriage at a reasonable time. Now he is probably thinking I had a date Saturday as it was our first Saturday apart – which it wasn’t! It was an outing to the theatre with my dear elder dad, who is newly widowed. When I told him of my plans to go to the theatre, I did not mention with whom. He looked terribly wounded!

    So I leaned forward when he did not call later that day or yesterday. Many of the sirens said I should tell him it was an outing with my dad, as I think he is insecure and needs reassuring. I am not overly concerned with what he thought as maybe some mystery is needed at this time. But I do want him to call me, when he said he would, or return my texts and calls in a normal fashion. I am giving him time and space while I learn to anchor. Does that help explain my situation?

    Any other recommendations are appreciated!



  14.  #14Denise on October 18, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    I do hear that you say that I am using too much of my masculine energy, making plans to make it happen. I am doer! And am usually thrust into a leadership position. It comes so naturally after being raised by a dad who said to me as a small child “you are not going to be like your mother!” and taught me otherwise similiar male ways. He was a dominant, forcefull personality in my upbringing, my mom was/is gentle (almost to a fault). My mom taught me many other important lessons.

    I am girlie in so many ways, I make an effort to look beautiful, with fashion, heels, hair and makeup. I am girlie in nurturing, girlie in domestic ways, girlie in my open emotions. I am authentically girlie. It was different when I was a teenager, or young adult. I learned. And am still learning.

    Darn-it’s the whole planner mentality! I do feel secure in my plans, and it does not diminish how I view his attractiveness. I am accepting that he doesn’t care to be in charge on it most of the time, but he will voice his opinion. It’s not that he does not have one about where we go or what we do. If he is not interested, he will tell me. And I do ask whether he likes the idea or plan. “What do you think?”, I ask. Then he laughs and says “you cannot make up my mind!” So maybe that is girlie, too!

    Sirens, I have to find my Soft on the Outside so rubber band man doesn’t wear me out!



  15.  #15Pepe on October 18, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    Daria,

    That’s great news ! keep sending those fantastic vibes and more men will come to you !
    go siren ! go siren !

    Denise,
    I realise that after spending an intense moment with a woman, man tend to step back a little bit…they are afraid that we’ll ran after them because of that and i think that we do without knowing it…so i tried a little experience, i remember once after a fantastic friday night with my man i decided not to call him on satuday, he manifest himself later that night lol i could feel in his voice he was on shock !! lol
    Next time try it… and i beat you, he will manifest himself ! i think that if everytime we leanback a little bit, our guy will feel safe, will stop the running.

    Hope that helped !
    Pepe



  16.  #16Ella on October 18, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    Daria,

    Me too. I was in a MASSIVE strop when I woke up this morning, really grumpy, angry and out of sorts. so I just stayed wih that and grumped around, punched the air a bit, played some angry music.

    Then I got into some work and I cheered up. I had already decided I wanted to move right past the date guy situation and I just felt better.

    Then Mr feel good called me and asked to take me for an autumn walk and I really felt like it so we went and had a great walk on the seafront.

    Meantime when I ot back I had received a text from date guy, and I am due to go on date no 2 with Mr Hottie tommorrow. Oh and there was a voice message from a guy from match who I was dating before and I had old to back off. I had opened up to him and thought that he had fallen out of my rotation. Well today he showed up again…

    Crazy huh?

    I so get the comment about the pond now (smiling as I type). My pond has cleared! Yay.

    I feel happy.

    Big love to all Sirens. x



  17.  #17Turtle Girl on October 18, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    Sirens-

    I feel super frustrated, angry and hurt. I am working the “rori raye” steps and am butting up against men who are insisting that I be exclusive with them.

    I have given the no boyfriend speeches, more than once. I have now after five months, basically been told that it is over with one man because we are having sex, but he now wants me to “commit to only him” and not date others. But no, he is not ready to put a ring on my finger because it’s too soon he says.

    So, of course he wants me on hold. He wants girl on call. He wants cake and eat it too. So no. I am not gonna let myself get in that trap again. But it is so gd making me crazy!

    These men have been used to getting their way. They are used to having what they want, if I won’t give it to him ,then another woman will I know. They are so used to being the “prize” instead of us I feel it is a HUGE task to try and turn this around with men.
    Men don’t have to compete any more. Women give them sex, and care for them and they take and when you want them to step up they leave.

    I am totally triggered. I am hurt and angry and don’t know what to do. I feel so pissed off at this bastard.
    He is losing me! And he knows it and he is going to do it anyway! I KNOW it’s his shit. His wife cheated on him during his marriage and he took her back for 6 more years! Then it ended. He even went to therapy for it. So HE has issues over this. So I know he is not the one for me apparently.

    Even my friends all think I am crazy. I have told them my opinions about cd’ing and they shake their heads and agree wit the men! They think I should only date one at a time! My girlfirends have lost respect for me over this-they think because they got their husbands by being exclusive that I am somehow being “unfaithful” to my “boyfriend” by dating other men. I want to scream! I want to slap them! I talked to my male friends (platonic) over this too and they all think of course I am being a bitch! Now THEY won’t talk to me either! This is what I am saying-men have had their way with women for soooolong they will not step up! They say things like
    “No, I won’t compete for you.” And then it’s over.

    They want all the benefits of a girl and NONE of the responsibilities. I am furious. I feel so alone. I feel abandoned by this man. I feel like he does not think I am good enough for him. He won’t step up.
    I am so lost over this shit.

    Does Rori really without a shadow of a doubt think that if he is the right guy he will put a ring on our finger. I feel shitty. I feel curious at this man.



  18.  #18Turtle Girl on October 18, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    I mean I feel “furious” at this man, not curious.



  19.  #19Jason Miller on October 18, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    13: Denise

    He claims that he has never persued a woman (not ever!!) and felt he was so good looking, that he did not have to!

    Fascinating. If he’s so accustomed to women chasing after him because of his looks, then he’s not feeling an urgency to even initiate dates with you. He’s not even particularly concerned about commitment either, though it’s clear he’s attached to you based on your letting him assume you went out on another date with another guy.

    Although he is not a take charge kind of guy, I do invite him to take the lead, and a few times, it was wonderful! But he often tells me “just make a plan and I will show up!”. I have laughed.

    The question remains then, do you want a man who will take charge and show the initiative most if not all the time? Or are you OK with sharing that responsibility? It sounds to me like you want to be able to relax and let him initiate seeing you more.

    You did state that you want to be married in a reasonable time frame, but you haven’t set the terms of exclusivity yet. Rori’s approach is that you just start dating other guys (CDing), which I’m sure is quite effective at getting him to make a decision. But I see no need to hide what you’re doing from him even if you’re not going out on other dates with other men. You have a life besides him so just live it. The busier and happier you are without seeing him, the more he’ll realize he needs to ACT and DECIDE to be with you and not take you for granted.

    One more thing, if he’s used to getting attention from women easily just because of his looks and demeanor, then he may not necessarily be habituated for commitment. He might be accustomed to having too many options when it comes to finding women to date. I don’t know his history, so only your intuition can guide you on this one. I’m just putting that out there as a possibility.

    Let me know if that works for you or not.



  20.  #20Jeannette on October 18, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    Turtle girl….wow, you rock solid woman….if all women follow your lead then men will be back to caring for us as they should. I don’t think we should be giving men sex freely though….that is the other thing. Of course, they have their cake and eat it too….Come on women, it’s time we stop being so insecure and……yes, stupid!!!



  21.  #21Ella on October 18, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    Turtle girl,

    I feel your frustration.

    Your posts triggers my fears about CD-ing. I have also tried talking to friends about it and of course they do not get it one bit as they have been conditioned differently.

    I do not feel qualified to answer your question as I am still relatively new to CD-ing, however one thing that popped into my head while reading your post is that I have heard of situations on here when it looks like the guy is not going to step up, however if the woman sticks to her guns, continues riding her horse and puting her happiness first, then after realising she is serious, and often after breaking it off he comes back and steps up…

    I know there are women on here who have chosen to be in commited relationships following CD-ing, without the marraige, as they are happy with this, however if you want to be married then that is what you want.

    Rori seems to teach that marriage is the only real commitment, anything other than that is just dating, however I know there are other women on here who have their own variations of this theme.

    Not sure if that helps but please stay strong and keep the focus on you.



  22.  #22Jennifer on October 18, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    Oh, Turtle girl.
    I feel angry FOR you. Your girlfriends aren’t supporting your chosen way of dating and that feels bad!!!
    That feels like bad Friend-ing. BOOOOOOOOOO
    I suddenly feel so grateful for my Girlfriends here on the blog and in real life.
    They tell me to date the HELL outta this town!!!
    I say …nuts to them. You want to CD? Go for it!



  23.  #23Daria on October 18, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    Turtle Girl – this is good! all this anger is coming to the surface, and the insecurity. Love on your anger and insecurity

    then after THIS TRIGGER has healed, you will be attracting men that are more ready to commit, FOR REAL

    it’s your own energy thats triggered around this, so all can be done is Love it, and Feel it… remember this is actually subconscious patterns that probably got set in infancy or something

    don’t worry about when

    just keep loving it

    it will clear

    (remember only One man actually needs to marry us lol… he Will step up)



  24.  #24Turtle Girl on October 18, 2010 at 4:59 pm

    Jennifer-
    I have one girlfriend supports me, the others think I am wrong and don’t get it. That one girlfriend reads this blog.

    Oh yes I think you are right, if someone judges me for not dating the way they did that feels really bad. I feel unsupported by a friend of twenty years who supposedly is my bf. It feels awful

    However, this too shall pass. But right now I want to beat my fist through a wall. I want to scream and cry and slap that man. I want to call him an idiot for being well……..an idiot. But I know it’s his life, his choices and you can not CONVINCE any man to do anything. And I am done with that. Either he steps up or he dos not. But wow. I get weary of this. I get soooooooo tired. I am in my fifties. I have been single fore eleven years almost. I am tired of it. I want to get own with my life with a good man. So for now, I guess I am just getting on with my life and dating, dating dating. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Ok cussing feels pretty good right now….lol……



  25.  #25tinque on October 18, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    “Rori seems to teach that marriage is the only real commitment”
    Actually Ella this is not true. She teaches that whatever commitment means to YOU is real commitment, be it marriage, buying a house together, having the ring without the ceremony or piece of paper, or simply having a deep understanding.
    xxoo



  26.  #26Turtle Girl on October 18, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    Jennifer-
    I have one girlfriend supports me, the others think I am wrong and don’t get it. That one girlfriend reads this blog.

    Oh yes I think you are right, if someone judges me for not dating the way they did that feels really bad. I feel unsupported by a friend of twenty years who supposedly is my bf. It feels awful

    However, this too shall pass. But right now I want to beat my fist through a wall. I want to scream and cry and slap that man. I want to call him an idiot for being well……..an idiot. But I know it’s his life, his choices and you can not CONVINCE any man to do anything. And I am done with that. Either he steps up or he dos not. But wow. I get weary of this. I get soooooooo tired. I am in my fifties. I have been single fore eleven years almost. I am tired of it. I want to get own with my life with a good man. So for now, I guess I am just getting on with my life and dating, dating dating. Sh*t. F*ck. Sh*t. Ok cussing feels pretty good right now….lol……
    repost without cuss words spelled out to avoid moderation…….*sigh* fuch.



  27.  #27Daria on October 18, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    Jasonlicious to the rescue!



  28.  #28Daria on October 18, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    Turtle Girl – have you tried Vampire Screaming?

    ps your anger sounds sexy right now – seriously



  29.  #29Turtle Girl on October 18, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    Daria-
    You sweet girl. Thank you for your support. And I think you are right-I am healing. This is a mirror-
    This is prolly about me. God bless you darlin’ I need to hear I am not crazy right now. I need to hear that I am on the right track. Others have really judged me about this…….think I am some kind of whore or something I don’t know. It is so absurd. Attitude like “Who do you think you are dating multiple men?!” WTF?

    Who am I? Well I am a goddess, I am the prize, that’s who. I am beautiful and have a lot to offer the right man. If he does not recognize this then it is his loss. Poor guy. He will suffer over this. He will miss me.
    Ugh. I don’t care how he feels. That is not my business is it? No. I ride away on my horse. I stay on my bridge.



  30.  #30Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 5:06 pm

    Jason,

    Happy Birthday



  31.  #31Turtle Girl on October 18, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    Ok now I am laughing my arse off! Daria what in the world is vampire screaming? Say what?

    My anger is sexy? Wow. Yeah I guess it kind of is. I feel pissed off and pisssssssssssssssyyyyyyyyyy… And mad as hell and not going to take it anymore and I DO feel sexy—that is soooooooo weird-you picked that up in my post! Wow…………..



  32.  #32Denise on October 18, 2010 at 5:08 pm

    Lots of my friends do not understand the CD either!
    I too am grateful to bounce this off of you Sirens.

    There comes a time, I am finding, when it does not feel right to CD other men. I CD myself no problem! But I can see I have hurt my Perfect Man with it. We have been together for ten months. I have been on other dates, but I cannot imagine getting involved with any other. I see a future with Perfect Man. Maybe it is my age, my wisdom, my heartbreaks and experience. I feel if I kiss another it would be betrayal. I also know that without a ring, there better be a good reason for it, that you are going exclusively with him.

    So I have avoided that exclusive conversation for now. There are current circumstances that would make it difficult to commit to a marriage right now for me. That doesn’t mean I am not working towards being ready for when the timing is a bit easier, and I feel he is my Perfect Man. It’s ten months, and we have made a lot of progress!

    Turtle Girl, five months is a short time to get a ring! You barely know each other. Things proceed at their own pace.

    Many men won’t compete. Maybe it is laziness! So many women jump into bed on the first or maybe the third dates which definitely changes the makeup for a long term relationship. I am glad that I did not do the wild thing with my Perfect Man right away.



  33.  #33Jason Miller on October 18, 2010 at 5:09 pm

    29: Nikita

    Thanks, how did you know?



  34.  #34Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 5:09 pm

    You’re welcome… I don’t know



  35.  #35Turtle Girl on October 18, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    #32 Denise-

    I am not asking for a ring right now! I told him I think it is too soon for that too! but he wants me to be his “girlfriend” and only date him. He is trying to tie me up.

    He said and I quote” I won’t ALLOW you to date other men at this point in our relationship”.

    He won’t allow me?

    Wow……..control issues? What?



  36.  #36Jason Miller on October 18, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    33: Nikita

    Well, 10/3, anyway. Over two weeks ago. 🙂



  37.  #37Denise on October 18, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    Turtle Girl- he cannot make you feel you are not good enough for him! Don’t even GO there! If he wants you to be exclusive, trust me, he thinks you are good enough! I am sure you know differently. Forget that self pity. Repeat after me: I am a Siren. I am a Goddess. I am a Prize. I believe in my beliefs.
    Scream it if you have to!



  38.  #38Denise on October 18, 2010 at 5:18 pm

    He won’t ALLOW? Ugh. Tell him to take control of his own emotions!



  39.  #39Denise on October 18, 2010 at 5:18 pm

    Jason, happiest of birthday wishes! Make it a great year!



  40.  #40Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    ok…belated 🙂



  41.  #41Siena on October 18, 2010 at 5:36 pm

    I’d like to point out that holding a man’s gaze for 6 seconds will even get a loser to trip over himself to get to you.

    I’m not sure where “quality” fits in there. And how do you know whether he’s a quality man until you’ve spent a considerable amount of time with him!?

    Man oh man! I’m so indulging my negative side these days! I feel so tired of “how to’s” to get a man. Men are easy to get – but it only takes 1 to stick! I’m starting to wonder how healthy dating dozens is.

    Maybe we could CD without it involving ANY men. Just in our jobs or something. I dunno – burning thru men has left me jaded.

    That could change tomorrow.



  42.  #42Siena on October 18, 2010 at 5:38 pm

    …btw, I love men! I’m just kinda sick of dating them.



  43.  #43Denise on October 18, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    Jason, his history when he was young, was wild and out of control, crazy freaky way too much sex and rock -n- roll. He had it all, looks, smarts, ability to escape NY to go to school in Hawaii and be a smart surfer dude. He excelled.

    He told me if it weren’t for his looks, he probably would have been married earlier!!! He realized how immature that sounded. But as he is getting older, he is getting wiser.

    He had an off again on again long term relationship- to the tune of 20 years with his college swetheart. They broke up a few times, and then he lived with another woman for three years. He confided the live in cheated on him, so he has fears about that now. Later, his ol’sweetheart of 20 years, got cancer. He supported her the last year of her life, traveling often to see her, and watch her pass; she proposed to him on her death bed! He had been mourning for a year when we meet. We shared that in common, strangely enough, as I had just lost my sister. So there is some healing going on there.

    He was very supportive to me, more than you can possibly imagine, much more than many of my best friends. Also, he is the best listener I have ever had. He is super good at helping me through my issues.

    And now at rare times, he does seem to retreat, sometimes I see it as it is prompted by sadness, or survivor guilt, other times, it is based on his fear that we all end up alone. I see he is trying to work through all of it. He is super happy in his career, is doing what he loves. He is reaching out more and more, and learning new things, and learning to open up to me more. He is fiercely independent, and sometimes a loner. When we are together, I feel him adoring me, and it is easy.

    Perhaps commitment has not been apart of his genre. But he has told me he cannot be without me, he does not want to break up with me, that I would have to leave him as he does not want that.

    I am ok with sharing responsibility, especially of plan making. I figure it is not his strong point! That is ok. His responsible listening, caring, coming to my side, defending me, helping me, is enough. He is incredibly sweet. He got me through a very rough year, filled with business and legal battles, beyond the mourning. He tells me he is totally committed, even when I said, I would understand if he dated others at that time, when we talked about dating others. He retorted to me that he could Not Imagine How I could Think That.

    He gets the cake with me, but not the icing. We have waited on that part. It drives me crazy sometimes because I have tremendous connection with him, and I am in love. He is always so affectionate, and it was a great week, with me leaning back and taking it all in, as he leaned forward. Just that Saturday got a bit convoluted!

    In some ways, I think that it was time for this. It’s all an experiment as we learn to evolve.



  44.  #44Renee on October 18, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    Jason — I have a question for you…I think it’s possible that my main guy (the one I’ve been seeing for 2 months), is no longer feeling “girlfriend” type feelings for me and is, instead, feeling “friend” type feelings except with a lot of physical attraction thrown in.

    Between say, weeks 3 & 5, he would send me a “good morning sweetheart” message each morning and I knew he was thinking about me. Now, well, we had what I thought was an awesome date last night and I haven’t heard from him all day. He does think I have another date tonight, but still, he could have txted any other time throughout the day.

    Another thing that has me worried is that he said he felt really “comfortable” with me last night…now, I took that as a compliment (as in, “isn’t it awesome that I can feel free to be myself with someone I have so much physical attraction with”) but now I’m thinking he may have meant that he’s gotten “comfortable” with our relationship as is, which does not include exclusivity.

    He makes comments when he knows I’ve been out with other men like, “I hope you’re not kissing anyone else” or, when I told him I met a famous person on my date this weekend, he said, “I can’t compete with that”, but it seems he’s not thinking of me all the time the way he used to…

    Is it too late? Have we already “flamed out” and I just didn’t know it yet because we were having so much fun? He used to ask me all kinds of questions about myself and he doesn’t do that as much anymore….maybe it’s because he’s all “asked out”, but what I feel in my heart is that he’s not “fascinated” with me anymore and I may be on my way out once he spends some time thinking about what’s missing in our relationship (the romance). What can I do to trigger the “girlfriend” feelings he had for me a couple of weeks ago when he asked me to be exclusive (and then promptly panicked because he wasn’t sure if/when he wanted to introduce a woman into his daughters’ lives). He obviously wanted me to be his girlfriend then, but it feels like that certain something may be missing for him now…is it hopeless?



  45.  #45Denise on October 18, 2010 at 5:55 pm

    Siena, it is a numbers game! But it only takes ONE.

    I hear you are tired.

    You can CD yourself. CD with your job, your friends, just enjoy what it is you are doing.

    The whole on line dating profile set up- email exchange- going on dates- can feel like a part time job with those who don’t make the cut. But we have to get there somehow!

    I am curious what Cherry will review on her call of making the good ones trip! I never had a problem meeting a guy- the problem was meeting a guy I wanted to actually keep!



  46.  #46Brenda on October 18, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    6 second gazes won’t get a gay man to trip over himself to get to you…I know…I tried. **wry grin!** But he’s become a cherished friend, and I love him!



  47.  #47Brenda on October 18, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    Thought for the Day:

    “Life is not a having and a resting,
    but a growing and a becoming.”

    Good night, beautiful Siren princesses!



  48.  #48Dorothea on October 18, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    I like this post. And I like looking at attractive men. win-win.

    I have a question for everyone here. What is your romantic goal? What do you ultimately want? I want a husband and a life that involves having our own home and traveling around a lot. I want a man that is on board with my big picture and contributes to it.

    I feel so dying inside curious to know what everyone’s goal is right now? Do you want to date around for the rest of your life? Do you want commitment without marriage? Do you want marriage? Do you want to have a better marriage? Do you want to leave your husband?



  49.  #49life_is_too_short_to... on October 18, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    Hi Dorothea

    I want a husband who turns back into a pumpkin at midnite.

    just kidding! sort of (i like a lot of time to myself)

    so, the idea of keeping separate residences, appeals to me, but i like the idea of owning something together.

    I would definitely like to have a deep committed relationship of shared virtue, committed to our personal growth and happiness, and growing a relationship that is better than each of us could be alone, to contribute to the world

    Not necessarily a legally binding marriage, with a great man who absolutely without a doubt adores and loves me more than anything in the world, would do anything for me, and knows in the fibre of his being that I am The One.

    I respect, admire, trust and love him and know in the fibre of my being that he is The One and means what he says because he shows it by his actions.

    We will be life/spiritual partners, best friends and lovers.

    Exploring together as the relationship grows will be exhilarating and fun, because we are filled with enthusiasm about it turning into happy ever after…

    Right now, I still won’t settle for anything less. I haven’t so far, after my marriage broke up 17 years ago, even though several men wanted to marry me
    in my thirties and forties,

    and I’m not about to settle now, even though there are some coaches out there who advise us to do that.

    I guess that’s about it for now

    thanks for asking, it felt all warm and fuzzy and fun to write that!



  50.  #50life_is_too_short_to... on October 18, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    You know, sometimes it works in reverse, where the woman just wants friends with benefits, like in the George Clooney movie, Up in the Air. He was a serial dater who prided himself on not getting attached, but when he met his match (who, unbeknownst to him) had another life–married!) and realized that not only was he falling for her and had zero intimacy in his life, but she was acting like he always had with women and he didn’t like it.

    Yep, i say, let’s all just be rock stars and let the chips fall where they may. Seems to me the “i don’t really care what happens, i’m just having fun here, because girls, they want to have fun, oh girls just want to have fun” attitude appeals to them, and makes them want you, unless it makes them think you sleep around or just go from one to the other.
    although, i’m not one to sleep with more than one at a time and I can go for years! even though i have a healthy libido.

    But let’s face it, men do like a challenge. To win our affections. If they know you care too much, it’s all over. So don’t care too much. It’s needy.

    more movie fun
    funny quote from the big chill movie:
    kinda sums it up, eh

    [about men]
    Meg: They’re either married or gay. And if they’re not gay, they’ve just broken up with the most wonderful woman in the world, or they’ve just broken up with a bitch who looks exactly like me. They’re in transition from a monogamous relationship and they need more space. Or they’re tired of space, but they just can’t commit. Or they want to commit, but they’re afraid to get close. They want to get close, you don’t want to get near them.



  51.  #51life_is_too_short_to... on October 18, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    oops, sorry, i should have put a spoiler alert in there!! about Up in the Air….don’t crucify me, please!
    I am sorry for all my transgressions on this blog!



  52.  #52Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    LMFAO 🙂

    they want to get close…and you don’t want to get near them…

    I feel ….amused….highly amused 😀



  53.  #53life_is_too_short_to... on October 18, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    Hi Nikita! 🙂 ROFL



  54.  #54Jennifer on October 18, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    ok .my post dissapeared
    the one where I’m crazy
    and afraid to be in another relationship.
    it’s gone
    well that’s odd
    I FB’d judo man…I said I can’t go to class tomorrow cause it’s my bff’s birthday and since I seem to be suffering from the pon farr, I will wait till thursday to come to class.
    I must be actually losing my mind.



  55.  #55Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 7:40 pm

    what is pon farr?



  56.  #56Jason Miller on October 18, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    40: Siena

    I’d like to point out that holding a man’s gaze for 6 seconds will even get a loser to trip over himself to get to you.

    Choose who you make eye contact with wisely! 🙂

    I’m not sure where “quality” fits in there. And how do you know whether he’s a quality man until you’ve spent a considerable amount of time with him!?

    You don’t. In fact, none of us truly know who we’re dating until we’ve spent a year or more getting to know that person. Attraction and courtship only gets you to the point where you’re interested enough to proceed to the next step. Screening men properly is that next step.

    In my opinion this is where the combination of your boundaries, values and intuition come together. If you’re not testing guys in one way or another from the first second they talk to you in terms of your values and boundaries, then you’re not screening them. There are so many ways women do that I won’t go into them here.

    But also don’t abandon your intuition. If you’re well grounded in your body, then listen to what it tells you too. Learning to use your intuition accurately takes practice for most people. If you aren’t confident with it, err on the side of safety.



  57.  #57Jennifer on October 18, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    Pon Farr
    vulcan male mating cycle that occurs once every seven years. Also called blood fever. If vulcans don’t mate they die.
    It’s geek speak.
    I believe that you should always consider your audience when communicating. Since Judo man speaks geek, I speak to him in geek.
    I think I’m going nuts.
    My root chakra is in an absolute knot.



  58.  #58life_is_too_short_to... on October 18, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    My man sings this to me

    i’m enchanted
    i’ve fallen under your spell
    how can i resist when you cast them so well?

    baby lee, i’m only trying to remind you…

    they had me in mind, oh yeah, when they designed you

    baby lee, i’m always watching from a distance…

    marry, marry me, oh baby, now i am insisting

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gp7B0SPZXM8



  59.  #59Jennifer on October 18, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    He’s a Sagittarius..I’m a leo.
    who has lost her ever loving mind.



  60.  #60life_is_too_short_to... on October 18, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    Jennifer, you’re a Leo, no wonder you are so dramatic!
    My daughter is a Leo!



  61.  #61Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    oh…pon farr….

    are you peaking? that is my view… if i was peaking i would line up a few specimens with alternates…..pinch hitters? if judo steps in i would demand free classes in order not be leaning forward….bwahhhaaahaaaaa 😛

    xxpreying mantis 😉



  62.  #62Dorothea on October 18, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    mi nina bonita mi dulce princesa
    estoy en las nubes cuando tu me besas
    por eso mis labios te dicen te amo

    hehe that is my man’s ring tone for me. too cute. i gave him big poppa by notorious big



  63.  #63Dorothea on October 18, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    if i were a puppet master jennifer would be getting naked and taken care of by judo man RIGHT NOW.



  64.  #64Jason Miller on October 18, 2010 at 8:04 pm

    43: Renee

    Between say, weeks 3 & 5, he would send me a “good morning sweetheart” message each morning and I knew he was thinking about me. Now, well, we had what I thought was an awesome date last night and I haven’t heard from him all day. He does think I have another date tonight, but still, he could have txted any other time throughout the day.

    That’s not really an indicator. It could mean any number of things. He may be trying not to bug you too much. He might be backing off. We have no idea why he stopped.

    Another thing that has me worried is that he said he felt really “comfortable” with me last night…now, I took that as a compliment (as in, “isn’t it awesome that I can feel free to be myself with someone I have so much physical attraction with”) but now I’m thinking he may have meant that he’s gotten “comfortable” with our relationship as is, which does not include exclusivity.

    You’re going to have to ask him what he meant by that if you want to know.

    He makes comments when he knows I’ve been out with other men like, “I hope you’re not kissing anyone else” or, when I told him I met a famous person on my date this weekend, he said, “I can’t compete with that”, but it seems he’s not thinking of me all the time the way he used to…

    You should NOT be talking about other men you’re going out with on dates with this guy if you really like him! You’ve just pushed his insecurity button by doing that! No wonder he’s cooled off. He’s trying to protect himself from being disappointed if you end up with another guy. If he says he’s comfortable, that probably means he’s not taking you as seriously as he was before.

    Is it too late? Have we already “flamed out” and I just didn’t know it yet because we were having so much fun?

    What can I do to trigger the “girlfriend” feelings he had for me a couple of weeks ago when he asked me to be exclusive (and then promptly panicked because he wasn’t sure if/when he wanted to introduce a woman into his daughters’ lives). He obviously wanted me to be his girlfriend then, but it feels like that certain something may be missing for him now…is it hopeless?

    Maybe not, but if you want to be his girlfriend, stop dating other guys and tell him you’ve stopped! Tell him you want to be his girlfriend! Even though he’s got to take his daughter into consideration, it’s clear he likes you enough to commit.

    Now if YOU don’t want to commit to him, and you want to continue to play the field, you risk losing him. That’s your choice. But ONLY tell him that you are not exclusive. Don’t talk about other men you date with him. He can then decide if he wants to keep seeing you or not.

    Let me know if that works for you or not.



  65.  #65Amy F. on October 18, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    #43 Renee,

    I sent a message to you on the other post and I’m going to repost here, but first I read about your man.

    What comes to mind is the rubber band analogy Rori uses. Be the anchor. About this time in the relationship a man has decisions to make about getting serious and many withdraw. I know how this feels. I love those “good morning” texts and when and if there is a lull, it’s like a little stab to the heart. Yet, I’ve learned it would feel better to receive this type of intimate communication later in the relationship, rather than earlier. I want to ignore this early in the relationship because it makes me love-drunk and I cannot walk, talk or see clearly. I wish I could just hire a service to email me “good morning”, and “I love you”. I would be madly in love with the robot/computer.

    You are doing great and it feels like continuing to CD since it feels good and this is all about you.



  66.  #66Daria on October 18, 2010 at 8:26 pm

    HAD SO MUCH FUN ON MY FIRST DATE WITH ITALIAN GUY!!!!

    omg
    omg
    omg
    omg

    lol



  67.  #67Daria on October 18, 2010 at 8:31 pm

    Turtle Girl – Vampire Scream is a Rori tool. I think it’s in the e-letter.

    It’s for anger.

    basically imagine you’re all powerful and your scream can burn down entire forests, houses, annhiilate everything like the whole world

    so you get ready like you’re gonna scream, open your mouth, – best to ball up your fists and like youre about to burn it ALL Down

    And then start SCREAMING WITHOUT SOUND

    make sure to really shake up your arms with rage and just really keep going with it, burning up everything,

    LETTING it come from a deeper and deeper place inside you as your breath runs out (this part is important to really get it all out)

    thats it.

    you will feel different (for me, usually calm and satisfied) after



  68.  #68loveindc on October 18, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    Guys, I need help! I have been seeing this guy for almost 5 months and I feel like I am stuck with him. He is divorced with 2 kids and travels a lot because his job (that is what he said) he never asked me on a real conversation for a serious relationship with me and I think it is just convenient for both to keep dating. He is very sweet with me, he treats me real nice and sometime I feel like he care a lot about me but I am afraid to fall for him because I don’t know what he wants… He will be gone next march; he will be overseas for 2 years!!! I really don’t know what to do..



  69.  #69Luzy on October 18, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    How to “fix” or “take back” words I said I know pushed him away. I met a fairly good guy three months ago and I felt I screw it by saying too much and letting my emotions take the best of me. I miss talking to him, we had great conversations. I have not called him back, However I feel that if I don’t he may think I am done with him and move on. I was mad the last time we spoke that instead of telling him what I wanted and how I felt, I sort of said that I was done with him. Should I write him an email? I don’t want to call because I may get nervous and make a fool of myself.
    Is it better to leave things like this and just let it be?

    I



  70.  #70Ashley on October 18, 2010 at 8:34 pm

    UGH! I finally told boy yesterday that if he couldn’t commit to being exclusive with me then I needed to disappear for a while and give him some time to decide what he really wants. I also informed him that I would be dating other people and would love it if he kept in touch. So… I’m doing ok with it. I deleted his number from my phone so I can’t text him, so the no contact thing may actually be able to happen.
    But CDing… ugh. yuck. gross. it’s driving me batty. I went out Saturday night with a friend from work and ended up simply feeling used, abused and dirty. Now, my POF account and the guys I was talking to on match are just blowing up my inbox. WHY do men who don’t know a thing about me feel the need to call me sweetie or honey or sexy? You don’t get to use a pet name with me until you know me? Or how about the ones that want to contact me but can’t say anything more than “hi.” Or another just got angry with me for not responding to his message that simply said “hi.” I didn’t respond to any messages yesterday, I just wasn’t feeling it. UGH. I’m over it today. I’m blocking and/or deleting anyone who causes me anxiety over this. It’s supposed to be fun. F**K IT!!!!

    I suppose I should be reveling in the attention… but I’m not. It’s not me.

    Now that I’m done ranting… I feel better about setting boundaries for myself. Most of the time. I’m still having moments of doubt, but I’m working on it. I’m blogging about my feelings trying to make sure I understand what I feel and who it’s directed at. I realized today that I don’t need to feel regret or feel bad about telling Boy that he isn’t giving me what I want and I will look elsewhere for it. There’s nothing wrong with me looking out for me.

    I am wondering if I should clarify with Boy that just bc I’m dating other people doesn’t neccessarily mean I’m sleeping with them. I know he has a very clear viewpoint on exes after they’ve slept with other people… but then again, if we aren’t dating, is it really any of his concern?

    And to clarify for all of you… I do want him back, he is the man I want in my life, but I want a commitment to exclusivity and he says he “doesn’t want a relationship.” Anyone else heard that before? 😉

    Eagerly awaiting your feedback and comments! =)



  71.  #71Honey on October 18, 2010 at 8:35 pm

    I posted elsewhere, but no one is out to play on that thread. Everyone is playing on THIS thread, so I’m re-posting, even though I’m off topic!

    O Wise Sirens –

    I am bothered by the fact that a guy who broke up with me still has me listed on his “Favorites” list on Match.com. Every time I look under “Who’s Favorited Me”, there he is. Maybe he doesn’t even know I’m still there, but every time I see him there, it just makes me rehash everything in my mind, and there’s no point in it. Can I email him the following, or should I just let it go? I tried to practice using feelings statements

    “I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind taking my profile off of your “favorites” list on Match. Whenever you come up on my “Who’s Favorited Me” list, it does bring up some hurt. I’m doing some exciting new things and it would feel really great to just focus on where I am right now. ”

    BTW, Girls, I’m going dancing again tomorrow night. I’ve always wanted to learn to dance but never had anyone to dance with. Went dancing last week with the same guy, and months ago before I met the guy I’m writing to. Sooooooo much fun. Going swing dancing!

    OK…feedback please on what I wrote.



  72.  #72Daria on October 18, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    my cd who said those rude things earlier is now texting me

    “hi”

    and

    “how can I make it up to you”

    ummm

    not by eating my pussy!! sorrry you missed out I DONT KNOW!!!

    i still feel mad and unsafe

    grr



  73.  #73Daria on October 18, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    i feel amused and kinda powerful that he’s contacting me this way now

    wow



  74.  #74Daria on October 18, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    this new CD wants to take me to THE BEACH and he SURFS and i feel happy about this!!



  75.  #75Daria on October 18, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    i canceled my second date early cuz he was kinda creeping me out

    first of all, his age was listed as 18, but the he tells me he’s 30, and that he’s listed as 18 because he looks good and doesn’t want older women messaging him and also he gets nasty messages from Men, oh yeah reallly nasty stuff

    WTF???

    that was weird

    then he’s acting all like, well if you dont want to meet, im like ummm i told you 3 times i want to meet

    then he texts me

    oh i just wanna know are you the kidna girl who just wants to talk and wont kiss?

    im like… whoa that question feels weird… im actually not feeling 100% comfortable now and don’t want to meet until i do

    then he texts me

    no, its ok, i feel more uncomfortable than you now, it was nice to meet you bye!

    im like !!! WHOA!!!

    ok whew!!
    glad i canceled that because my first date went on long Anyway, and it was LOVELY

    and i feel PANICKED

    girls im way out my comfort zone (maybe not WAY out) but out.

    have you ever been like, Goth lets say, and you are used to dating or hanging out with all Goth people, and then you meet a guy who’s like real cool, but he’s totally not goth? like maybe he’s Gangsta or something?

    well that’s how i feel, except i don’t know if he realizes that about me

    and i feel afraid to feel judged! and that im judging him

    ACCKK



  76.  #76Daria on October 18, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    Honey – i would just let it go, and try to reframe to feeling flattered

    however, if not … I would try…

    “hi, i don’t want to be on your favorites list right now… i feel upset when i see that… what do you think?”



  77.  #77Honey on October 18, 2010 at 8:55 pm

    Holy Moly –

    Just got an email from a cute doctor on Match…and he ALSO likes to dance….swing, salsa, etc. The universe is sending me dance lessons! How cool is THAT!



  78.  #78Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 8:57 pm

    “how can I make it up to you”

    ummm

    not by eating my pussy!! sorrry you missed out I DONT KNOW!!!

    hehe 😯

    ummmm, so pen guy has been awful, awkward,nice and apologetic…. I expressed my feelings….then leaned way back….. and avoided him…. an he finds me…. at work and works to make it right between us…… 🙂 I still don’t feel 100%
    mmmmm …….maybe Daria can suggest how he can make it up to me………… insert (giggle)



  79.  #79Honey on October 18, 2010 at 8:58 pm

    Daria –

    Thanks. I want to learn to put things the way you do. To the point…then done.

    I will put on my Big Girl Pants and try to let it go for now.



  80.  #80Honey on October 18, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    Nikita –

    Is Pen Guy cute? He is so after you!



  81.  #81Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    Daria,

    Yes!!!!!!!! I was sooooo “Goth” and then I met this Italian “gangster”(not really gangsta) and swoon….I never looked back….and …I realized how much I was judging the “gangsters” and missed out on a few experiences because of my previous perceptions….
    I love it in Italy 🙂



  82.  #82Daria on October 18, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    Nikita – ok cool but Im the Gangsta here, and he’s a cool open minded surfer realtor and personal trainer



  83.  #83Daria on October 18, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    Honey – no no, don’t put on big girl pants?

    how about naked or a skirt instead

    don’t tolerate, REFRAME to enjoy!

    like YES, wow this fool is still somewhat jocking me, how weird haha…

    if that won’t work then

    “TAKE ME OFF YOUR LIST NOW MOTHAFU*CKA” might push him away faster than a feeling message



  84.  #84Daria on October 18, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    Nikita – mm, maybe pen guy could eat your nani.. is that what you’re subtly prodding me to suggest?



  85.  #85Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 9:14 pm

    Pen guy is cute but for me to date him, I’d have to invoice him for coaching… and removing the training wheels…..

    but- I do view these interactions as a form of cd’ing.
    Inside I want him to be feel good and me a “good guy”…. his youth has potential. I remain inviting without doing any work… it has taken two weeks but boy is he sorry…. and I did not call him any names, guilt him, demand an apology or direct him in any way. I stayed in my feelings…. and I was sad. I was upset….but over time…I have forgotten until I see him…. then I just dodge him a little because I feel awkward…. I wait until he speaks to me first…I smile and say hello…then I dodge him some more… 🙂
    If I did like him……. I can only imagine how hard I would be tempted to work for a resolution or “closure”. As it stands I do not care….I go home and crawl into bed with a man everynight….. but pen guy is working on closure …. he’s cute and I am feeling so relieved and happy he is not a jerk…just a little immature but I think he means well and he’s got heart 🙂



  86.  #86Daria on October 18, 2010 at 9:16 pm

    Nikita – stop fronting you know you want him



  87.  #87Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 9:17 pm

    Oh wow…. my typing could use some improvement-lolol



  88.  #88Daria on October 18, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    Nikita and Pen guy sitting under a desk

    k I ss ss leads to SEX



  89.  #89Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    Daria,

    so if you are gangster,…did he used to date “goth”…

    or are you just reminding me that you’re gangster?



  90.  #90rheannen killick on October 18, 2010 at 9:21 pm

    I love that story, it is about being to shy and being to interested, it mixes up the good and bad side of everything in somebody’s love life, i have learned alot, and will take action in my love life that is very similar to this story.



  91.  #91rheannen killick on October 18, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    Sex is for those who want to get pregnant, or those who are willing to go behind other peoples backs for no reason, it is deadly to be a part of!



  92.  #92Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 9:24 pm

    hahaaa!!! no…. I am really content without pen guy nibbling nani -really I am OK!!!!

    And now my mind feels polluted 🙁

    umm….I am certain. BUT it feels great to experiment with this young guy who may have been taught to neg-girls which..really just annoys me….and well, it feels sad…. I get sad thinking girls are tolerating that. I feel inspired that a WOMAN(that’s right,me:) could teach the puppy how to mingle with sirens 😉

    LOL!



  93.  #93Daria on October 18, 2010 at 9:26 pm

    Nikita – I actually made my analogy a lot more complicated…

    I’m used to dating mostly gangsta guys, and he’s not

    I’m afraid that I will feel misunderstood/judged if i share with him my feeling of bondedness with gangsta culture



  94.  #94Daria on October 18, 2010 at 9:26 pm

    I pollute minds, with nasty nasty thoughts!

    sorry about that!

    it feels fun and now i’m starting to feel overwhelmed by it

    gonna go do something else

    like jump up and down on my bed excitedly

    or maybe read a book



  95.  #95Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 9:27 pm

    Honey,

    yeah, no pants…. maybe a big girl heart 🙂

    or – party like a rockstar …… and put on your big hair!!



  96.  #96Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    Daria,

    yeah, so….. I get it. Really, I do. I didn’t bring it up….and I still don’t. I once got mad and said something to that effect and it blew up in my face months later….. I only said something because I did not think we were going to be dating in the future and i wanted to …..dunno…be an as$hole? in any case….
    my plan was….”If I don’t make it an issue, it won’t BE an issue”…… and I stick to that plan…..



  97.  #97Daria on October 18, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    Nikita – I like that. I actually am gonna believe that too. well i already do.

    I want to HEAL this. Thank you! Angels I’m open to healing this… yay!



  98.  #98Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    “I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind taking my profile off of your “favorites” list on Match. Whenever you come up on my “Who’s Favorited Me” list, it does bring up some hurt. I’m doing some exciting new things and it would feel really great to just focus on where I am right now. ”

    this feels so friggin controlling ….. it sounds. small pretend girly voice…. I’m sorry if I sound “not nice”. but it feels soooooo….the world revolves around me-ish….. I would angrily delete you if I got this message…. I feel defensive reading it… and falsely responsible for getting “in your way of exciting new things”…….



  99.  #99Honey on October 18, 2010 at 9:40 pm

    OMG! I left my computer and when I came back, all of THIS! LMAO! You both are so funny! Nasty, but funny!



  100.  #100Honey on October 18, 2010 at 9:41 pm

    OK, I’m confused. Aren’t we supposed to talk about our own feelings? And isn’t that inherently me-ish?



  101.  #101Honey on October 18, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    Nikita –

    I don’t care if you sound “not nice”…I’m here to learn and share. Honest is better than nice



  102.  #102Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 9:44 pm

    heeeyyyyyy Daria….. did all of those hypnosis to exercise videos manifest/attract a personal trainer??????????? omg????? well? well? well????



  103.  #103Honey on October 18, 2010 at 9:46 pm

    I’m kinda mad that my profile is still on there. Yes, I did some wrong things, like overfunctioning, not accepting him, yada, yada. But he cut me off without a giving me a chance and said all sort of unkind things that weren’t even true. It makes me feel like cr*p seeing him every day.



  104.  #104Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 9:47 pm

    6: Honey says:

    OK, I’m confused. Aren’t we supposed to talk about our own feelings? And isn’t that inherently me-ish?

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:41pm

    yes…. you make a wonderful point and I feel a little bewildered differentiating but am working on it…let me get an icy pop…….will be back
    (sucking on stuff helps me process)
    mwuah haaa



  105.  #105Honey on October 18, 2010 at 9:49 pm

    I’m still mad at him. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

    He totally dissed me. Why keep my profile up? If I suck so much then leave me alone!!!!!

    Maybe he doesn’t even know my profile is there. I don’t care. I’m still mad.



  106.  #106Daria on October 18, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    Honey – Reframe:

    he probably still likes you and realizes he freaked out weirdly and feels afraid to contact you again yet



  107.  #107Daria on October 18, 2010 at 9:51 pm

    how about:

    “when i opent my account, I see I am on your favorites list, and I’m still feeling angry. I don’t want to be on your favorites list anymore”



  108.  #108Daria on October 18, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    but truthfully, it’s his decision – unless maybe you can block him? – i dono

    i had a guy – that Big guy who turned out to be insecure and pushy –

    keep messaging me randomly like

    i wanna have sex

    i want you to be my gf

    then i blocked him on one account so he started on another

    so i wrote him…

    this feels weird.. I don’t want to be harassed

    i haven’t heard from him since

    maybe he just got carried away with his obsession



  109.  #109Elayne on October 18, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    @Turtle Girl, #17: I understand completely and share your frustrations. I don’t think men even realize they aren’t stepping up. I met a guy on OKC and all he wants to do is chat. He got shitty with me for not volunteering my phone number! He said “I want a woman who goes after what she wants.” Which to me sounds like low self esteem…I’m all for men feeling good about themselves, but does it have to come from the women they’re dating?

    Another CD came on heavy at first but seems to be flaming out. He kept “forgetting” that he made plans….I would wait for him to call to tell me what time he was picking me up….finally after sitting there thinking he wasn’t going to show up, I called him and went off on him. I’m sure that didn’t get me anywhere but by that time I didn’t give a sh*t because I’d lost all attraction to him.

    I am beginning to understand what Rori means about not wanting him when he pulls away. I say let their lazy asses go….don’t call him. Pull back to zero. I don’t want to be responsible for a man’s self esteem. Ugh. Feels bad just thinking about it

    Also, sirens, Venus is in retrograde until Nov 18, so if men from the past are showing up, you know why 🙂



  110.  #110Honey on October 18, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    I don’t think he’s afraid to contact me.

    I sent him a nice apology for MY part in what happened. You all helped me with it. I got a nice, warm response but nothing after that. If he wanted to see me, or talk, he could have.



  111.  #111Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    102# I agree.

    I favorite stuff so I can remember it/them or save it for later,



  112.  #112Honey on October 18, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    Yes, I was an ass, but so was he. I owned my part, so I’ve been cleansed of my “assiness”…he’s still an ass.

    I don’t really belive any of that…but it felt good to say it anyway! lol



  113.  #113Amy F. on October 18, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    Honey,
    I get it. I just got a new job and I’ll have to drive by the exit of my soulmate’s house every f##***ing day (he just disappeared – I do not know why). Trigger, trigger!

    I cannot ask him to move, although I would like him to dig a hole and move underground forever!

    I have to change ME. I have to feel the sadness and the hurt and work through it.

    I agree with Nikita, it feels small to ask this request regarding you being one of his favorites. See if you can change it on your end so you don’t have to see it. If not, work through it and it won’t matter anymore.
    xoxo



  114.  #114Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    I was so gonna write this and I feel sooooooo thrilled somebody else did it!!!!

    yes!!! it is retrograde in SCORPIO of all things
    sigh..



  115.  #115Honey on October 18, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    Where does he get off saving me for later? I’m not a freakin’ can of peaches?



  116.  #116Honey on October 18, 2010 at 9:58 pm

    Maybe that’s why I want off his list! I don’t want to feel like a can of peaches on the shelf just in case there’s nothing better to eat. I’m a fresh juicy peach! heehee



  117.  #117Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    I feel Snoopy laugh from Charlie Brown…

    “I am beginning to understand what Rori means about not wanting him when he pulls away. I say let their lazy asses go…”

    LMFAO!!!!:P



  118.  #118Daria on October 18, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    uhoh

    the Cd guy from before now texts me

    “i guess you don’t want me anymore, huh?”

    acck i feel scared hes gonna turn on me again!

    and in an effort to cover that up i feel a bit sorry for him

    tho now less since i acknowledged my fear

    i feel unsafe with this!



  119.  #119Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 10:02 pm

    canned peaches….. oh I used to LOVE canned peaches…… and drink the syrup…yum! they were more consistent than fresh ones 🙂

    mmm….canned peaches to save the day! when I was lost and sooo needing a sweet “healthy” snack… in wintertime….peaches to the rescue!!!!



  120.  #120Honey on October 18, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    I hate that freakin’ “favorites” thing on Match anyway. WTF! A million guys have me listed as a favorite and most of them never contact me. I think these guys like to make believe they have a harem or something. They probably just like to look at my size 32G breasts!



  121.  #121Daria on October 18, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    wow Honey! size 32 G ! no kidding!! they probably do!

    but hey, hella guys Friend me too on Myspace, and don’t contact me… I don’t even notice though anymore



  122.  #122Honey on October 18, 2010 at 10:06 pm

    Hey, maybe they just like my “peaches”…move over, Daria, I’m getting in the gutter next to you.



  123.  #123Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    “i guess you don’t want me anymore, huh?”

    me:”yeah, I’m like, doing this like, surfer thing now, and like totally, like switching up the vibe man…and its just like totally the time to just be like, ALL good vibes…ya know?”

    “huh?”

    me:”oh, my other line is beeping,I’m gonna go explore that…I’m getting a good vibe…namaste”

    “uh-ok”

    me:(click)



  124.  #124Honey on October 18, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    Yeah, I was up to a GG cuz I gained some weight, but now I’m back down. It sucks finding clothes to fit.



  125.  #125Elayne on October 18, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    @Nikita: I should have said clueless lazy asses, LOL. Just feeling like the men in my experience aren’t stepping up right now. I will say that I was able to stop myself from pursuing either one and I did not take it personally, so I think I’m definitely making progress!



  126.  #126Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 10:12 pm

    Honey do you like Cancer men? they might like you 🙂



  127.  #127Honey on October 18, 2010 at 10:12 pm

    I’m not pursuing anyone anymore. It’s too freakin’ much work. He’s gonna have to step up if he want my peaches. 😉

    I’m going to bed…going dancing tomorrow night! Yes! Can’t wait!



  128.  #128Honey on October 18, 2010 at 10:13 pm

    Nikita –

    What do you mean about Cancer men? Why? What are they like?

    I’m a Scorpio…the sexy sign.



  129.  #129Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 10:14 pm

    Good….dancing is practice in leaning back and being an invitation….nite.



  130.  #130Honey on October 18, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    Dancing is my thing right now cuz it’s a metaphor for everything I need to learn



  131.  #131Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    cancers….like breasts

    sometimes….as do venus in cancer



  132.  #132Honey on October 18, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    thanks for the chat everyone. Nite



  133.  #133Daria on October 18, 2010 at 10:26 pm

    several Cancer men have broken my heart…

    and got me to sort of pursue them

    First lil kid love

    rebound from First real love

    some guy who might have been gay who never talked to me again after we had sex after a month of seeing each other (his close friend and brother in law got murdered that night so that couldve been part of the shock)

    lil brother of a guy i dated – that i kinda fell in love with – the little brother that is

    Getright man – the one who just messed with my girl

    HA



  134.  #134Daria on October 18, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    with a lot of them i felt like i was too cold/mean for them

    but NOT ANY MORE…! now i am a siren and that is a RED FLAG FOR ME!!!



  135.  #135Senior Lady Vibe on October 18, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    @55: Jason Miller

    Oh, look! A man using code! All bets off! 😛 I’m a woman; I won’t deny myself. 😈 But I’ll make a strong effort not to typo.

    “Yippee!”
    “Yippee!”
    “Yippee!”
    “Yippee!”
    “Yippee!”

    Thank you
    Thank you
    Thank you,

    SLV



  136.  #136Daria on October 18, 2010 at 10:34 pm

    Senior Lady Vibe

    LOL ! we’re BAD

    i feel guilty

    and fun



  137.  #137Siena on October 18, 2010 at 11:01 pm

    Thanks Jason! My intuition is strong, I feel good using it in my dating life.

    Mostly I feel good that you looked past my little hissy fit and answered my post / thank you!

    Hmmm, I need to not lead Mover Man on. I wonder how long I should give it before I need to make a final decision? He’s awfully good to me, I just dont feel “ever after” with him.

    I like Evan Marc Katz’s idea of me not needing to do anything but respond if he comes to me, and say yes if it feels good.

    I don’t mind dating him. I like him, and he’s a great guy! It just feels like he could get serious, and I don’t want to hurt him. It’s only been a month… I have plenty of time I guess.



  138.  #138Nikita on October 18, 2010 at 11:08 pm

    i feel so sorry for mover man…. siena may never marry him……….boo-hoo 🙁

    will he live?
    nite



  139.  #139Siena on October 18, 2010 at 11:17 pm

    I’m not sure if #134 was meant sarcastically, so I’m not going to take it as such.

    You bring up a good point, though, Nikita. Me not dating Mover Man if I’m not feeling it would be the most loving thing for me to do. I don’t want to waste his time, same way I don’t want my time to be wasted.



  140.  #140Daria on October 18, 2010 at 11:18 pm

    Siena – that feels TERRIBLE to Daria to read!

    Don’t you know that your presence is a GIFT!???

    there is no WASTE of time, ever – in Daria world

    I get triggered by that phrase grrr



  141.  #141Daria on October 18, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    actually you may find yourself digging him later on, if you allow him to get close to you and open up to him with honesty



  142.  #142Daria on October 18, 2010 at 11:23 pm

    wow i feel triggered by my own words



  143.  #143Siena on October 18, 2010 at 11:27 pm

    Right… I’ve heard you day it a million times Daria, about our presence being a gift. It’s a shift for me.

    Truth is, I don’t want him to be my ever after guy. (I feel icky saying this) I’ve seen the kind of life he lives, and it doesn’t appeal to me.

    Oh wow, I feel all hot in my throat saying that. My eyes are watering and I feel tight in my chest.

    I feel really mean judging a nice guy.

    But it’s just not enough for me.

    I’m not even talking about money. I’m talking about how BIG a life he’s living.

    I’m working really hard to stop living small, and I don’t want to be with someone who lives small.

    Hello trigger!!



  144.  #144Daria on October 18, 2010 at 11:29 pm

    well i’ll just say that FOR ME I strongly affirm that no time spent with me is EVER a WASTE

    and that the most loving thing i can do with a man is allow him time with me and my truth

    and it feels sad to read about how not dating a man is not loving

    cuz if i thought that way i wouldn’t be dating much at all

    i feel glad to be able to expand my dating comfort zones by dating men that seem nothing like what i think i will want to marry, just because they are stepping up and i feel good with their attention

    i feel confident that i AM BLESSING them by allowing them to worship me

    how awful for a man going to the Goddess Altar to be told that the Goddess doesn’t accept his worship, when it’s given lovingly

    ***

    i feel sad and afraid to write this… i don’t want to trigger Siena

    why does this trigger me

    i feel disappointed…

    I feel terribly ineffectual at motivating another siren right now

    DARIA YOUR TIME IS NEVER WASTED!!!

    DARIA YOUR TIME YOU ALLOW A MAN IS A BLESSING!!!

    is that enough?

    is it enough that it’s enough for me?

    aww i feel sad hearing others say other stuff

    i want everyone to get on the Rori CD bandwagon…

    i want everyone to feel energized and hapy to be given to by a man and not even think about will they marry them until they’ve been asked



  145.  #145Daria on October 18, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    Siena – wow cool trigger!

    I get that, I kinda didn’t want this Italian guy to be my forever, cuz he didn’t look like what I expected my forever…

    i did some EFT and feel open to him now

    i don’t have to worry about him being my forever…

    i felt good being with him
    **

    maybe being wiht Mover Guy doesn’t feel so good? cuz he’s playing small and that feels triggering?



  146.  #146Siena on October 18, 2010 at 11:31 pm

    I’ve always been the woman who says, “he should love me for my big heart.”

    Now I see how that doesn’t work.

    Hmm, this doesn’t feel good.

    I don’t like me much right now. I love me, but I don’t like my judgements.



  147.  #147Siena on October 18, 2010 at 11:35 pm

    Yes, Daria, that’s it. He lives a very safe life. Mostly, I don’t like the way I feel in comparison with him ( if that makes sense.) I’m like the crazy, risk-taking hippy next to him, and that doesn’t feel safe. He’s still in the “everything’s cool” stage, but it doesn’t feel like it would last. I feel nervous now that i would be stifled later.



  148.  #148Siena on October 18, 2010 at 11:38 pm

    Daria, I feel bad that you might be feeling like you have to tiptoe around me now.

    I’m *very* sensitive, something that I’m working on healing (by at least half!)

    I don’t want you to not speak your honesty or what’s on your heart around me. I prefer honesty always, even if it quicks me. <3



  149.  #149Daria on October 18, 2010 at 11:56 pm

    Siena – hmm, this sounds like something that might be expressed to him?

    also it reminds me of my own situation with new cd – i was worried that he might judge me in the future



  150.  #150Daria on October 19, 2010 at 12:05 am

    Daria – hey, how are you feeling

    good, wishing i was working out

    ohh

    i can do that for you

    really?

    yep

    ok!!



  151.  #151Daria on October 19, 2010 at 12:33 am

    Yay ! I worked out!

    Rori says the better I get at using my boy energy to take care of my girl, the more masculine men i will attract and the more men will want to give to me!

    I’m so excited!

    AND… I’m getting ready to Really start my secret of workout thingy… heee



  152.  #152Daria on October 19, 2010 at 12:35 am

    Siena – thanks for letting me know… i won’t tiptoe now! yay.. i did feel a lil wary earlier



  153.  #153Daria on October 19, 2010 at 12:48 am

    Rori Raye’s Rules For Landing The Perfect Man

    Thursday, 26 June 2008 @ 11:06am • My Weblog

    What IS a perfect man, anyway?

    If you believe you’ve ever had one, or have one in your mind, take out a piece of paper and write down the “qualities” you think made him “perfect” or WILL make him “perfect.”

    Now take a look at your list. Maybe you’ve written down things like “attractive (or even handsome), financially secure, sensitive, likes animals, generous…”

    Well, my Rules are this (actually – it’s just one Rule to start): It doesn’t matter what you’ve written on the list, or how good he looks on paper, or even how good he looks in real life. His qualities DON’T MATTER.

    The only thing that matters is this entry on your list: “When I’m with him, and even when I’m NOT with him – I feel loved, cared for, happy and secure. “ That’s it.

    Who he is and How he is mean nothing. How you FEEL with a man is ALL that counts. And I don’t mean how you feel about HIM. I don’t mean how much YOU love HIM, or how excited you feel, or how much “chemistry” there is, or how much “fun” you have together, or how great sex is, or how much you have “in common.” None of that means ANYTHING. We’re often devastatingly attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable or not mature enough to truly be in a committed, real relationship, and then end up literally devastated.

    The only thing that means anything is how you feel about YOURSELF in his presence.

    So take out your piece of paper and turn it over. Now write a list of how you want to FEEL about YOURSELF in your “perfect” RELATIONSHIP! (Remember – this is about the Relationship, not about the man.) Let me know how it feels to look at relationship this way, and we’ll talk more and more about how all this works.

    Love,

    Rori Raye



  154.  #154Daria on October 19, 2010 at 12:51 am

    I feel like I am a Goddess, I feel like I am Desired, i feel like I’m Worshipped. I feel powerful! I feel like I am the world…

    I feel like I’m smart, I feel like I’m awesomely attractive.

    I feel like I’m the ocean and he’s the surfer.

    I feel like I LOVE me and the playful parts of me.

    I feel Proud of myself. I feel supportive of myself, I feel accomplished, I feel Worthy. I feel Important. I feel Powerful.



  155.  #155Daria on October 19, 2010 at 1:23 am

    okay so i’ve realized i think I’m not successful.

    I want to change this.

    What am I successful at?

    I am successful at using feeling messages with men.

    I am successful at understanding Rori Raye relationship communication and dating philosophy.

    I am successful at Applying said philosophy.

    I am succesful at attracting men.

    I am succesful at being very street smart and knowledgeable.

    I am succesful at healing from illnesses without toxic medications.

    I am succesful at enforcing my boundaries with my family babystep by babystep.

    I am succesful at living with spirit in my life .

    I am succesful at working out today.

    I am succesful at getting a very high score on the GMAT.

    I am succesful at creating poems and stories.

    I am succesful at creating my own blog.

    I am succesful at dressing spectacularly.

    I am succesful at smoking weed in an intentional, spirit way.

    I am succesful at releasing myself from smoking and drinking addictions.

    I am succesful at learning all the time.

    I am succesful at graduating from college.

    I am succesful at being very respected by powerful and even dangerous men on the street

    I am succesful at seeing through many illusions of what life is about

    I am succesful at believing in myself and that I will have what I want

    I am succesful at being a hypnotic dancer

    I am succesful at not attacking men

    I am succesful at distancing myself from people when i don’t feel respected.

    I am succesful at eating natural foods according to my spirit guidance.

    I am succesful at contacting spirit, lots of spirits and voices

    I am succesfful at feeling energy

    IM succsefful at feeling my feelings.

    Im succesful at visualizing amazing spirit pictures

    Im succesful at beginning singing

    Im successful at cooking

    im successful at doing what I want to do

    im succesful at believing im going to be OK no matter what (omg wow I AM I AM I AM I AM!!! wow! celebrate)

    I am succesful at finding spirit in everyday things

    IM succesful at communicating with plants

    Im successful at seeing the big picture

    im succesful at being attentive to details

    im successful at being a genius

    im succesful at reading quickly

    im successful at understanding stretches in my body

    im succesful at using herbs for wellbeing

    Im successful at attracting attention wherever i go

    im successful at standing up for myself in physical fights

    im succesful at suriving intensity

    im successful at behaving honorably and loyaly

    im succesful at trusting my intuition

    im succesful at being safe around people

    im successful at getting along with people from all walks of life

    im succesful at intriguing people

    im successful at giving my man pleasure sexually

    im successful at having sexual boundaries that benefit me

    im succesful at drinking healthy water

    im succesful at saying thank you to the plants and animals and rocks i eat

    im successful at converting online videos to formats

    im succesful at using html

    im successful at noticing things awhile before they become trends

    im succesful at looking at things in an out of the box way

    im successful in being honest with myself

    im succesful at loving

    im successful at feeling fear

    and anger

    and happiness

    and grief

    im succesful at healing my crying mechanism!

    im successful at vacuuming the house

    im successful at washing the dishes in the house

    im successful at brushing my skin

    im successful at having my hair feel healthy and look luxurious without washing often

    im successful at feeling and being clean

    mmmm

    i love me
    i just want to love love love on me now



  156.  #156Renee on October 19, 2010 at 1:51 am

    Jason — I don’t know if you’re still hanging out on this thread, but I hope so.

    I probably should have mentioned that a few weeks ago, he told me he wanted to be exclusive…that he didn’t want other men holding me or kissing me…and I happily agreed. Fast forward a few days and he panicked. He broke up with me, saying something “spritual” was missing, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

    Two days later, I sent him an email explaining that I had been suffering from depression in the past and realized that I had been going through another depressive period this summer and that after he broke up with me, it prompted me to do something about it and I felt so much better and that I more or less had him to thank for it.

    That night, he ended up showing up at my house and was waiting in my driveway when I got home from the grocery. We talked for a while — a little about the depression and why I felt the need to tell him (I told him that when he told the story of “us” in his head, I wanted him to have the “whole” story of what happened) and we talked about us. The whole time, we were touching and he was rubbing on me touching my face and he finally said, “Does it look like we’re over?” (rhetorical question given that we were obviously hanging all over each other again). So we decided we’d give it another shot and saw each other the next two nights, the first of which was a lot of fun, the second of which led to a discussion (at his prompting) about “where we were”.

    He asked me whether we were dating or dating exclusively. I told him I wasn’t anticipating having that discussion right now, but that I was thinking about the exclusive thing…that someone had asked me out and I hadn’t said yes or no, that I had wanted to see how tonight went before I committed one way or another.

    Then he said that right now, it would feel like less “pressure” on him if we weren’t exclusive. That he didn’t really have the time (or much inclination) to take other people right now, but that non-exclusvity felt “right” to him right now. I asked him if he tought we were working towards becoming exclusive and he said yes, of course that was the logical next step before falling in love, getting engaged and getting married. I was a bit taken aback (since he had been pushing for exclusivity just days prior) and I told him that although I hadn’t been sure whether I wanted to be exclusive, but that hearing him say that felt like rejection to me. He apologized and said that’s not what it was and that he cared about me.

    We continued talking, at which point he brought up that he wasn’t sure he “could” ever get married again…not that he didn’t “want” to get married again, but he wasn’t sure he “could”. He then asked me if it would hurt my feelings if we were dating 8, 10 or 12 months and I still hadn’t met his daughters and I told him yes, it probably would at that point and he agreed that he felt most women would probably feel like that at that point. He then asked if I would have the same reaction if it were 6 months before I met his daughters (long enough, he said, to have a good idea of whether there would be a real future for us) and I said 6 months didn’t seem extreme to me and that I understood him wanting to protect his daughters, so yah, 6 months would probably be ok.

    He later added that I should accept that date the coming weekend (he was going to be out of town) because he didn’t deserve my loyalty, that he felt like someone of my caliber could find someone better. That he was maybe 80% of what I wanted, but that I could probably meet someone who was 100% of what I wanted. I replied that I adored him just as he was, faults and all and that while I knew he wasn’t perfect, I totally accepted him as he is and that I liked the way he made me feel when I was with him — special, adored, taken care of.

    We talked a little further and he eventually said, “I guess I’m just spooked”, which felt like an honest answer to me. I told him it was normal to feel scared and that I felt scared too, but I felt like the potential benefits outweighed the risks and I was willing to take the risk. We more or less made up at that point and made love, though I woke up in the middle of the night and left because I was feeling uber vulnerable and was wishing I had handled the whole “non-exclusive” talk better.

    So…I’ve continued going out with other men because he insisted I do so, though he hasn’t actually been out with anyone else and his profile is still hidden on Match. He told me if he did go out with anyone else, he would tell me. He generally asks me to spend time with every night he’s free (not traveling or with his daughters), so I’ve been feeling good about that, but I really don’t know what to do.

    The only reason I tell him about my other dates is because he asks me about them. He asks questions about how he compares with these men (in looks, success level and behavior) and I’m honest with him, though I always lead him to believe that he’s the clear winner of the competition (he has nicer eyes, or better manners or is sweeter to me), but he seems to somehow enjoy the competition and having the “pressure” off of him seems to suit him at this point, though ever since that time, he has been slightly less attentive.

    He did end up txting me after all last night, (during the time he thought I was on my date) and said he hoped I was enjoying the conversation, but that to keep in mind that there was no way this guy was going to be as perverted (private joke), freaky and funny as he was. “You know that baby!” he said.

    So this dynamic of my dating other men someone seems to both give him a charge that he’s having to “compete” for me, but also seems to trigger some insecurity.

    Other than a long distance “rebound” relationship immediately after his divorce, I’m the first “real” relationship he’s had (the first one where there might actually be a chance I might meet his daughters) and it’s obvious that the prospect of actually incorporating someone into his life full time is scary to him and I understand that.

    But the last couple of weeks, he hasn’t been as attentive as he used to be…(things like the “good morning” txts) and txts throughout the day…it’s like he’s not thinking of me as much as he used to…or maybe he’s just trying to give me “space” as you put it, but I don’t really want space from him.

    So…what do I do? Do I break up with him because he’s backed off some (though we’re still spending as much time as ever together) or what? I obviously don’t really want to break up with him, but if I’m going to be just a glorified “friend with benefits”, I want to call a halt to this.

    I guess I just thought that if there was chemistry and physical attraction there and we were compatible, the “romantic” feelings would just be there…and the jealousy is a little reassuring, but I don’t know what to make of all this. I get he’s afraid and I get his wanting to take things slowly, but I’m still confused about his intentions. He has said several times that he’s not just looking for someone to have sex with, that he wants a real ‘connection’ and a companion.

    So what do I do to get him to take me seriously again? If dating other men really bothers him, I would be happy to stop, but since he’s insisted, I’m trying to make the best of it and actually enjoy myself on dates (easier said than done when your heart is with someone else).

    I don’t want to waste my time if he just sees us a friends, but based on our conversations, it seems like he is at least contemplating a future with me, but two weeks ago, he was saying things like, “I want to spend New Year’s with you” and “Can I just book every Saturday through mid-November with you now?” but he hasn’t said anything like that lately, though he did ask to see me the nights he has free this week and has already booked this Saturday night with me.

    Any chance I can turn this around or have I “lost him” at this point? I’m afraid I don’t know how to trigger romantic feelings in a man and this is really scary…the thought that he may just enjoy my friendship and sex but not see a future with me after all feels bad. He seems really caught up in the “if things were meant to be” thing — like he’s testing me out in a way to see if I do fall for someone else because if I do, then things obviously weren’t “meant to be” for us.

    Advice?



  157.  #157Daria on October 19, 2010 at 2:02 am

    Renee – something just came to mind which is that you may find that Commitment Blueprint from Rori really fits your situation and kind of explains how men get triggered to romantic feelings



  158.  #158Ashley on October 19, 2010 at 2:39 am

    Renee

    I’m by no means an expert here, as I’m struggling myself, but it sounds like as soon as you started attaching expectations to plans and him, things started to feel “off”. Not that I have a solution for you, I know how hard it is not to have them. But I think it all goes back to learning how to just “be” without expectations for him and the relationship. I’m very guilty of the same thing.

    Just my 2 cents. =)

    Ashley



  159.  #159Daria on October 19, 2010 at 2:57 am

    I feel angry, I feel resentful, I feel unseen.

    I feel powerless, I feel sad, I feel afraid.

    I feel furious, I feel disrespected, I feel unsafe.

    I feel like controlling, smashing, making wrong.

    I feel like judging. I feel unsafe. I feel confused.

    I feel unloved. I feel less than, I feel gnashing teeth.

    I feel sad, I feel lonely. I feel dissapointed.

    I don’t want to be treated this way, I don’t want to feel this way, I feel angry hmmmph

    A part of my being already knows how to heal this Right now.

    And that part of my being is willing to inform the rest of me now.

    It is now doing so, with grace and ease.

    My mind , body and spirit are receiving the information.

    Information transfer is now complete.



  160.  #160Jennifer on October 19, 2010 at 3:59 am

    ooo…
    Still feeling crazy.
    Life….
    I know it looks dramatic. It sure as HELL feels dramatic. I get tired of the rollercoaster.
    I feel a little triggered by that….cause my mom used to tell me that ANYTIME I said I had a feeling about anything…I was being dramatic. Like it was a bad thing. I know it was just her way of shutting me up so she didn’t have to deal with me.
    Not that this is what you are doing….its just my trigger.
    Thanks for that. I get to feel like my drama is ok.
    My drama is ok.
    Yes Nikita I am peaking. Like a MoFo.
    ALLLLL over up in here.
    the problem is ….. I am scared.
    B used to use sex as punishment. If he was unhappy about something…he’d wait till i wanted sex….which I did all the time. And then just lay there like it was a chore.
    But not tell me he had ever been upset. So I got to figuring maybe I’m not so good in bed? Maybe I’m boring? Maybe I’m not so attractive……I mean he certainly liked the porn…so he likes sex. just not so much with me.
    Maybe men don’t like sex with “women like me”?
    Maybe I’m not interesting enough…the brain is the biggest sex organ, and he never let me finish a sentence.
    Maybe I’m too fat.
    Maybe I’m ugly?
    I Dunno.
    I know this is HIS shit.
    But I’m all hella triggerd.
    Trigger + Pon Farr…..= Jen is a freakin basket case.
    In a dramatic type way 😉



  161.  #161Renee on October 19, 2010 at 5:06 am

    Daria — Do you know what part of Committment Blueprint that is? I have that program and have listened to it before, but could definitely stand to listen to it again now that I’m in a relationship. But it would be great if you could roughly remember what step or section the part you’re referring to is in.



  162.  #162life_is_too_short_to... on October 19, 2010 at 6:29 am

    Yes, Jennifer….glad it could be a trigger for you, but you were right that i was not being like your mother and dismissing you…..I accept and embrace my daughter’s (and yours) dramatic ness and love you both not in spite of it, but because of it. (I am prone to it myself, roller coaster rides and all!!)



  163.  #163Denise on October 19, 2010 at 8:21 am

    Honey, I would not care if he still has me on his favorite list. I would ignore him. I would not contact him about that. Let him have to see you every time he logs on!



  164.  #164Denise on October 19, 2010 at 8:41 am

    Jennifer, the guy won’t let you finish a sentence? HUH? I’m with you, the brain is the big turn on organ. Without that, you have nothing. If the guy does not listen to you, how does that make you feel? I would not want that person in my life at all.

    Sorry your mom made a bad deal about your expression. Listen to your own feelings. Be proud.

    And a guy who is passive aggressive about sex, please!!!! If it was a chore for him, do not grant him your presence!



  165.  #165Simply Shannon on October 19, 2010 at 8:43 am

    Jen, I’m gonna beat the hell out of your nasty voices. Seriously. Okay no. I won’t do that. I feel compassion for the nasty voices that call you ugly or dramatic or fat. Wait. I feel angry. I do want to beat the shit of those voices. These same voices live inside of me.

    I love my insecurity. I love my fear. Cuz it is fear. Fear that I really am that beautiful and wonderful and emotionally centered. What kind of man would want me then? A really good man. One who might challenge me and support me and help me to do amazing things in this life instead of sit around and worry about my weight or my not-so-exciting life. I’d actually have to really get out and do awesome stuff. Hmmm. My little ol’ brain almost can’t see that guy. Like when I look at pictures online, I mentally glance over the ones who are really good looking thinking he’s too hot for me and wouldn’t like me or the really interesting one whose life is super dynamic thinking he’d feel bored with me or that my “excitement” ain’t that exciting.

    Anyone else do this?

    I’m pushing against this wall right now. I wonder what it would be like to be with an amazingly sexy, confident man who can support me, challenge me, and help me to do more. What would that relationship be like?



  166.  #166Rori Raye on October 19, 2010 at 8:48 am

    rheannen, Welcome, and your attitude around sex sounds like a seriously not fun, no-love place to be in. Is this really what you want? Love, Rori



  167.  #167Denise on October 19, 2010 at 8:49 am

    Renee, I have been following this the last few weeks. Slow down, You said yourself. He is confused. It will take some time, the relationship is way too new, and I do not see it as flaming out whatsoever. He is coming to terms and feeling his way. He is making plans in advance, that is awesome! You are awesome. Just be. Breathe, and enjoy the attention. Make yourself happy with other things, whatever they may be.



  168.  #168Rori Raye on October 19, 2010 at 8:50 am

    loveindc, Welcome, and yes – you DO know what to do. You would be insane to tie yourself exclusively to this man, and you are not insane. Learn here. Circular Date. Change your life, change your circumstances. Love, Rori



  169.  #169Simply Shannon on October 19, 2010 at 8:52 am

    Daria, thank you for sharing your list of successes. It feels interesting to me the judgments that come up for me (I’m not doing that or that or that). Those pesky nasty voices, clamoring for attention. Tsk, tsk.

    Note to self: Must buy more cookies for the NVs. Maybe ones that are extra chewy. Longer to chew hence taking longer to speak up again. 🙂



  170.  #170Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 9:00 am

    Good Morning Siena,

    Thank you…. #138. I felt sad and a little angry-I like mover man..I realize that may seem silly…but I do like him!!!! and I hear him really liking you. I have had wonderful affairs where it was not happy ever after and we KNEW but we kept going…..oops-I feel a song coming on 🙂



  171.  #171Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 9:07 am

    opened my eyes
    While you were kissing me once more than once
    And you looked as sincere as a dog
    Just as sincere as a dog does,
    When it’s the food on your lips with which it’s in love

    I bet you could never tell
    That I knew you didn’t know me that well
    It is my fault you see
    You never learned that much from me

    Oh you silly stupid pastime of mine
    You were always good for a rhyme
    And from the first, to the last time, the signs
    Said ‘Stop’ – but we went on whole-hearted
    It ended bad, but I love what we started
    It said ‘Stop’ – but we went on whole-hearted
    It ended bad, but I love what we started

    I took off my glasses
    While you were yelling at me once more than once
    So as not to see you see me react
    Should’ve put ’em, should’ve put ’em on again
    So I could see you see me sincerely yelling back

    I bet your fortressed face
    Belied your fort of lace
    It is by the grace of me
    You never learned what I could see

    Oh you silly stupid pastime of mine
    You were always good for a rhyme
    And from the first to all the last times, all the signs
    Said ‘Stop’ – but we went on whole-hearted
    It ended bad, but I love what we started
    It said ‘Stop’ – but we went on whole-hearted
    It ended bad, but I love what we started

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9hxEbtk7uE

    Parting Gift



  172.  #172Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 9:29 am

    am on a lonely road and I am traveling
    Traveling, traveling, traveling
    Looking for something, what can it be
    Oh I hate you some, I hate you some, I love you some
    Oh I love you when I forget about me

    I want to be strong I want to laugh along
    I want to belong to the living
    Alive, alive, I want to get up and jive
    I want to wreck my stockings in some juke box dive
    Do you want – do you want – do you want to dance with me baby
    Do you want to take a chance
    On maybe finding some sweet romance with me baby
    Well, come on

    All I really really want our love to do
    Is to bring out the best in me and in you too
    All I really really want our love to do
    Is to bring out the best in me and in you
    I want to talk to you, I want to shampoo you
    I want to renew you again and again
    Applause, applause – Life is our cause
    When I think of your kisses my mind see-saws
    Do you see – do you see – do you see how you hurt me baby
    So I hurt you too
    Then we both get so blue.

    I am on a lonely road and I am traveling
    Looking for the key to set me free
    Oh the jealousy, the greed is the unraveling
    It’s the unraveling
    And it undoes all the joy that could be
    I want to have fun, I want to shine like the sun
    I want to be the one that you want to see
    I want to knit you a sweater
    Want to write you a love letter
    I want to make you feel better
    I want to make you feel free
    I want to make you feel free

    © 1970; Joni Mitchell

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaqVWY3wYdQ&feature=related

    inspired by siena and mover man



  173.  #173Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 9:41 am

    #144- want everyone to feel energized and hapy to be given to by a man and not even think about will they marry them until they’ve been asked——-

    YEA! I feel this too 🙂



  174.  #174Simply Shannon on October 19, 2010 at 9:42 am

    New profile! I love this one. 🙂

    ***********************
    Calling all great men! Think you’ve got what it takes to star in My Life’s Great Story? Story line will include adventure, love, laughter, and joy, sprinkled liberally with thrills and spills. I’ve already cast a beautiful girl as the leading lady. (See pictures for details.) Body doubles need not apply. I’m only interested in the real thing.

    Leading man requirements include:
    A man with integrity and strong faith;
    Treats others with respect;
    Knows how to have fun and can make the best of any situation.

    I’m also casting for court jester. Those qualifying for both leading man and court jester will be given preferential treatment.

    Auditions will be held very soon. If this sounds like you, I would feel very happy to hear from you…



  175.  #175Simply Shannon on October 19, 2010 at 9:53 am

    Nikita, that Fiona song is a trip.

    Siena, It does feel uncomfortable to not decide one way or the other. To put everyone in a square box (yes or no). I really had to force myself NOT to do that with Mr. Fab Kisser, not to seek a decision or seek closure. I told him “I feel unsure”. Unfortunately instead of convincing me, he down selected himself. I really like the post Daria included about knowing who we feel about ourselves when we’re with a man. There’s only one man I’ve dated who made me feel better, like I wanted to aspire to be more. He wasn’t a big dreamer type guy either (that’s my job – lol!) but he felt like home to me. The guy I could jump off from. Grounding, ya know? Sigh. I miss that feeling. I wonder who will be the next guy to do that again. An even better guy.



  176.  #176Senior Lady Vibe on October 19, 2010 at 9:54 am

    That Gaze

    As an experiment I tried a 2-second gaze today on a few random guys. Even two seconds feels like a long time!

    I only did this with guys who were coming toward me as I walked along the sidewalk. The first guy I tried it on was way younger, but hey,,,he was there. 😆 I gave him the “2 second” as he was walking past me; he did a “double take” heehee 😆 and I gave him a little smile and kept on moving. It was fun.

    I was nervous to try the first one but seeing the reaction made me bolder 😈 so I went for another one, then another. I did three. The last guy, the fourth, failed but I wasn’t able to make eye contact so I won’t count that one.

    He second one, said” senora, senora” in a very pleasant voice and the third one actually stopped in his tracks and did a full body turn around and very turned back to the other direction. I was moving steadily at a fast clip in the opposite direction.

    It seemed almost like this was some sci-fi auto robot reaction. Like these guys had a metal screw protruding from the top of their heads and I just gave a little twist and they automatically turned their heads toward me. They all quickly adjusted their walk…maybe they didn’t like me. Who cares? It was fun and funny too. I wasn’t laughing but I had a big ole smile on my face. 😀

    Is this usual? This was only TWO SECONDS!! I didn’t think I had the nerve to go for FIVE SECONDS.

    SLV



  177.  #177Senior Lady Vibe on October 19, 2010 at 10:04 am

    I’m still thinking about “the gaze” and wondering it it’s possible that a shorter (than 5 or 6! seconds) might work better for senior women. Like less makeup looks better on senior woman than more makeup. There might be something to this. Maybe some other sirens have some ideas here.

    It could be that a 3-second gaze would be it for me; it seems innocent but just a tad longer than expected. 😆 yet not long enough for a guy to wonder if I’m a “looney old woman” or a horny ole gal on the make…because if he did that then he would be unkind and not a gentleman. Heeheehee. But…it’s still inviting…or it seems to be. Time and practice will tell.

    Still thinking about it…

    SLV



  178.  #178Meemee on October 19, 2010 at 10:07 am

    Dear Sirens,
    I have got a question.
    Today I did well in office. In fact I was sitting next to XXX during lunch. I didnt even look at him. He wanted to come to my room, but another colleague of mine was there my the room.
    Talking about this colleague- let me call him A- he has been trying to be friends with me in the last one week. I had helped him with some work stuff. This morning he texted me saying he got some chocolates for me and he is somewhere close to my house and whether he can drop in. I had already left for office, so I said i’ll meet him at office. When I met him in office he asked me if I want to join for a coffee. We made coffee and talked about his house hunting experiences and a whole lot of stuff. In the afternoon also he came to my room and sat and talked- about this and that and many things. When I was leaving office, he again came and asked me if I can wait for one minute so that he can also join. Then he asked me if I can help him to find a decent house since he is planning to take a house close to where I live in and since I know some people who can be of help. I said I will try. We walked till the bus point and I came home.

    I talked to A and spent time with him and had coffee with him, not becasue I really wanted to. I was feeling upset about having to see XXX every minute I spend in office. But becasue of A could postpone my bad feelings for some time. But i was using A (and his eagerness to talk) to not to think and obsess about XXX. When I use a thing from my feel-good-list I did not have any confusion. But today I feel I unnecesarily entertained A just to keep XXX away.

    Now I feel what I did was not right. This is the first time I “used” a person to forget about XXX. It worked. But I feel guilty.
    Meemee



  179.  #179Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 10:11 am

    SS,

    I love it!!!!! 🙂

    (scream!!!!!!) LMAO —I love it and feel totally compelled to write you jokes, and sonnets, and…whew-I’m beat 🙂



  180.  #180Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 10:12 am

    IT’s ThE SiMPLY SHaNNon SHOW 😀



  181.  #181Simply Shannon on October 19, 2010 at 10:15 am

    Hells yes. Thank you Nikita! Ok, phew. I feel relieved. Hehe! I love affirmations and confirmations. Brava! Brava! And the crowd goes wild…



  182.  #182Senior Lady Vibe on October 19, 2010 at 10:17 am

    @179Meemee

    Usually when a man comes after me with chocolates and starts hanging around making excuses to see me I do not consider myself using him. I believe men do what they want to do.

    Did you ever think maybe this guy likes you? I believe men liking me and treating me well is a good thing.

    My two cents: it doesn’t seem to me that you have done the slightest thing wrong; however, I probably would not want to become de facto real estate agent for the guy. I might say “no, thank you” to doing a lot of “work.”

    SLV



  183.  #183Simply Shannon on October 19, 2010 at 10:20 am

    Oh girl. I should call it The Simply Shannon Show. Oh my… Duh. 🙂 Now that’s funny. Thank you! Hahaha! I’m LMAO too!

    SLV: Shorter feels more comfortable for me too but if I feel confident, why only 5 seconds? Why not 20 seconds? He’s just a person. And I’m looking at him. He might be cool to know. Hmmm…



  184.  #184Simply Shannon on October 19, 2010 at 10:21 am

    Meemee, what’s your question? I missed it. ??



  185.  #185Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 10:27 am

    Meemee,

    There is nothing wrong with befriending a man. Do I understand correctly that the reason you feel guilty is because you are not attracted to him? If that is the case, just enjoy the friendship. You are not leading him on to be a coworker who is friendly. You don’t have to marry every man you meet.



  186.  #186Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 10:28 am

    this reminds me of…
    “sprinkled liberally with thrills and spills. I’ve already cast a beautiful girl as the leading lady.”

    The Dandy Warhols “horse pills”

    and that reminds me of “bohemian Like you….”
    a song I lived 🙂

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovUGFmF0MF4&feature=related

    I feel nostalgic..
    and corny !! lol



  187.  #187Meemee on October 19, 2010 at 10:31 am

    Simply Shannon,
    🙂 I didnt ask it.
    Whether I was using this man and whether it is advisable to do so!!!!!
    Meemee



  188.  #188Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 10:41 am

    Meemee,

    wow, exciting times! A is also “using” you as his informal real estate agent and I doubt he is going to pay you a commission 🙂

    Maybe you feel (however you feel) because A might have more than a friend feeling and that could be scary if you do not feel that in return? A was “using” you, just as much as you “were using him”.

    I use my coat.

    I use my purse.

    I use my car.

    I use my house.

    I use my puppy(for her fluffy warmth and cuteness)

    I use my favorite scarf…..a lot.

    I use my coffee mug.

    and I use money.

    I LOVE the things I use….even though I am only “using” them.

    My puppy “uses” me to bathe her, wash her food dish, and put food in it, and put it where she can eat from it, and she uses my as a playmate and sometimes a servant 🙂 but that’s ok…..

    I use my blanket.

    Do you see where I am going with this?

    hugs,
    nikita.

    p.s. I feel very grateful to A for playing humble hero and protecting you today from being stuck alone with XXX -yay 😉



  189.  #189Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Wise Wise words from Lady SLV…….



  190.  #190life_is_too_short_to... on October 19, 2010 at 10:44 am

    172.
    © 1970; Joni Mitchell

    love that song and joni

    also like You Turn Me On, I’m a Radio,

    where she sings

    you don’t like weak women you get bored to quick
    and you don’t like strong women cuz theyre hip to your tricks..

    haha!

    I know you don’t like weak women
    You get bored so quick
    And you don’t like strong women
    ‘Cause they’re hip to your tricks
    It’s been dirty for dirty
    Down the line
    But you know
    I come when you whistle
    When you’re loving and kind
    But if you’ve got too many doubts
    If there’s no good reception for me
    Then tune me out, ’cause honey
    Who needs the static
    It hurts the head
    And you wind up cracking
    And the day goes dismal
    From “Breakfast Barney”
    To the sign-off prayer
    What a sorry face you get to wear
    I’m going to tell you again now
    If you’re still listening there
    If you’re driving into town
    With a dark cloud above you
    Dial in the number
    Who’s bound to love you
    If you’re lying on the beach
    With the transistor going
    Kick off the sand cause honey
    The love’s still flowing
    If your head says forget it
    But your heart’s still smoking
    Call me at the station
    The lines are open



  191.  #191Meemee on October 19, 2010 at 10:44 am

    Brenda,
    I am feeling guilty because I talked to him only because I wanted to get X out of my head for some time. Not because I was feeling friendly towards A.
    I felt I was not being genuine. I felt I was mean it doing so.
    Meemee



  192.  #192Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 10:45 am

    re: #175

    all men are in the *MayBE BOX —until further notice 😀



  193.  #193Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 10:46 am

    LIT S,

    I love the RADIO song…..sooooooo much!!!!

    It is soooooo INVITATION!!!!!

    🙂



  194.  #194Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 10:47 am

    Nikita,

    RE: #188 –
    Things are for using.
    People are for loving.



  195.  #195Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 10:48 am


  196.  #196Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 10:49 am

    Meemee,

    No, that is not using him. I really don’t classify that as anything beyond befriending a coworker. I’m glad you have him as a distraction.

    If you were to lead him on to believe you were attracted and started kissing, etc. that would be using him.



  197.  #197Siena on October 19, 2010 at 10:51 am

    Nikita, I like Mover man too! But I don’t want a casual affair that I (we)know is going nowhere. My heart always gets involved, and in the end I don’t feel good. I want my happily ever after… Forever!

    SS, I hear what you’re saying, too. I realize that I don’t have to make any decisions. I just have to respond to him with my true feelings – which right now are uncertainty.

    I randomly received an email today from a man I met a couple of weeks ago at a conference. He said he was kicking himself for not asking me out. I feel surprised! I didn’t know he was attracted (well, maybe I did a little… But I didn’t expect him to say anything).

    SLV, I LOVE your eye contact experiment. Love love love!!!



  198.  #198Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 10:52 am

    Brenda,

    I feel so whatever…to that comment….. addressing me directly to instruct me on the obvious feels so crummy and icky and heart hurting…. I feel hot….and throw up.

    You wish you could USE ryans cock and he is a person…… right?

    does it mean you don’t love ????

    Do you have feelings about my comment?? Do you feel triggered by it….are you scared someone might use you…and that would reduce you to a thing???

    I feel soooo angry….my puppy is NOT a thing!!!!



  199.  #199Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 10:54 am

    I use my body…. this flesh bag thing that is only temporary……it a vehicle – a space suit that my soul and spirit USES.

    grrrrrrr



  200.  #200Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 11:00 am

    Nikita,

    RE: #198 – I feel yucky reading this comment. I feel attacked. Chill out! I feel like I’m walking through a field of land mines on this blog, and I’m sick of it. Get over it!



  201.  #201tinque on October 19, 2010 at 11:00 am

    Shannon – Love, love, love this profile!!!
    xxoo



  202.  #202Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 11:02 am

    Siena,

    I feel genuinely confused…. the beginning posts about mover man felt so dreamy to me….and now….I am not sure if you are triggered by that shopping invitation or because mover man is not QUALITY enough for you.

    I feel very confused and I admit I have not been keeping up with all of the posts…so maybe I am misunderstanding.

    But I have told men verbatim. I Will Never Marry You or Sleep With You….and gotten…as a reply ..”ok, let’s still have dinner…we both have to eat and I want company”………..

    So that is my bias, I guess? I am very frank, blunt, honest, and I still got pursued…. and invited out…. and I LEARNED so much about men, food, life, …… a man’s views…(or what he shares over dinner ) 😉



  203.  #203Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 11:04 am

    Brenda,

    I feel this too…

    “I feel yucky reading this comment. I feel attacked. Chill out! I feel like I’m walking through a field of land mines on this blog, and I’m sick of it. Get over it!”

    This feels so appropriate to what I felt…but if I tell you to “Get Over It”, will you listen to me? Will you obey my order to get over it or will you get defensive and angry?



  204.  #204Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 11:07 am

    Nikita,

    I wasn’t attacking you. I was simply stating something a wise mentor told me years ago, and it brought me a lot of clarity.

    I feel weary of dealing with women here because so many seem so jumpy. Relaxxxx!



  205.  #205Meemee on October 19, 2010 at 11:07 am

    Re: 182 and 188
    SLV and Nikita
    I have already become a real estate agent for half of my colleagues. I have a beautiful (really really beautiful) house with a balcony opening to a mountain view and I pay an incredibly low rent for the wonderful house I live in. People usually talk with envy about my house and seek my help to get in touch with the agent who got me this house. So I didn’t feel bad about A asking me for help in the beginning. But yes, when he asked me if I could go see one house which he liked before he signs the contract, I gently brushed it aside.

    Nikita, he will definitely not pay me commission. LOL 🙂 :). But more chocolates are guaranteed.

    So we were mutually using each other, eh? I did not think that way. To me it appeared like this; he had a material need and he sought for help. I needed help to distract myself from X and I used A’s company to achieve it.
    🙂
    Hugs
    Meemee



  206.  #206Senior Lady Vibe on October 19, 2010 at 11:11 am

    @183: Simply Shannon:
    “SLV: Shorter feels more comfortable for me too but if I feel confident, why only 5 seconds? Why not 20 seconds? He’s just a person. And I’m looking at him. He might be cool to know. Hmmm…”

    Not entirely comfortable with ONE second 😆 until today…

    I was thinking of which length would be more effective for me. Maybe different scans for different plans…? 😀 Angelina Jolie could probably get away with 20 seconds (or even two minutes of open-mouthed drooling) but if I did that it might not work as well… 😉

    Of course, if it’s just for fun or confidence building, anything goes…Remember that game…the first to blink loses… 😆 Maybe I could try that too…hmmm that could be fun. Today just thinking about meet situations. I need all the help I can get.

    SLV



  207.  #207Simply Shannon on October 19, 2010 at 11:16 am

    I just published my profile on Match.

    Fears:
    Mr. Fab Kisser is gonna see it.
    Mr. Right is gonna see.
    Mr. Right is gonna email me.
    Lots of frogs are gonna see it and email it.

    Oh my… the butterflies. Eeek!!!!!!!!!!!!



  208.  #208Jason Miller on October 19, 2010 at 11:21 am

    135: Senior Lady Vibe

    I have no idea what you mean by a man using code. Can you fill me in on this? Or maybe you don’t want to… 🙂



  209.  #209Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 11:24 am

    Brenda,

    I feel weary of dealing with women here because so many seem so jumpy. Relaxxxx!

    Again, I see you requesting me to follow your order of “relaxxxxx”. It is a nuance of controlling behavior. I admit I am a sensitive (INFP) personality type. I am capable of just ignoring you but I feel a desire to point out these commands you are issuing me.

    1. things are for using, people are for loving.
    2.Chill Out
    3.Get Over It
    4. Relaxxxx

    this feels very controling to me..very authoritarian….very repetitive..
    I get the sense that by being repetitive it says to me….”I am accustomed to not being listened to, therefore I have to repeat myself in order to get what I want”,
    ..I can also see the side where…Oh it is nothing, nikita is just over reacting, or being dramatic…. I see that too. I can accept that. I also wonder if because I was TOLD to “chill out”, I am purposely NOT chilling out….in an effort to PROVE …..that I do not take orders from you…. I feel curious about how jumpy I can get…



  210.  #210Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 11:27 am

    Meemee,

    chocolates are wonderful. I feel relieved that you seem to have understood what I was illustrating. I feel honored to be used to help you get closer to feeling good 🙂

    if that is what is happening….I hope so 😉



  211.  #211Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 11:31 am

    I feel reminded of the bible saying, don’t point out the splinter in someone else’s eye when you have a log in your own.

    I feel livid hearing masculine energy direction to “chill out” or “relax”. That feels so icky. I feel anger over what seems to be hypocritical behavior. I feel turned off. I feel unattracted. I feel icky. I feel angry. I feel a scream rising up in my throat.



  212.  #212Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 11:31 am

    Brenda,

    FYI, I still have a lot of love for you and good wishes…and I don’t want you to feel bad…but I don’t want to stuff my real feelings either and I hope we can me can come to a place of mutual caring and understanding. I care about you. I care about me too, though.



  213.  #213Senior Lady Vibe on October 19, 2010 at 11:31 am

    207: Simply Shannon says:
    “Lots of frogs are gonna see it and email it.”

    As long as it’s not that “frogman” latex suit guy I saw on CL…:lol: I hope there aren’t too many of those around. I think your profile will be attractive to fun thoughtful types.

    SLV



  214.  #214Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 11:34 am

    I don’t want to be told what to do!!!!!!!!!!

    I don’t want to be controlled!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Uffffffffffff



  215.  #215Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 11:37 am

    Nikita,

    I feel weary of all the pettiness on this blog. It is just never ending. I love you and care about you, too. I feel exasperated. Unless I use a particular way of phrasing things in every litttle tiny sentence, I feel jumped on. THAT feels controlling.

    I am tempted sometimes on a daily basis to leave this blog like SOOOO many who have GONE before me. This feels so petty and I feel angry about the constant cesspool of pettiness trying to suck me in.



  216.  #216Turtle Girl on October 19, 2010 at 11:39 am

    Nikita-
    I love INFPS. xxoo
    They are wonderful deep feeling peoples. And a Scorprio to boot! Love ya!

    It has been my experience when I am faced with a person who I think is controlling or in my face or don’t like the things they say or whatever the best behavior for me is to simply ignore them and carry on with my life. JMHO.

    To Daria, Denise, Jennifer, Elayne, etc. Thank you all for your input about my situation with walk away man.

    Funny, I leaned back, and last night he starts texting me and we texted for about an hour. Well, he is really just trying to bully me into being exclusive. He said “You want a guy with a motorcycle and a bigger house and a bigger dick and more money.” WOW.

    Put downs. Trying to make me feel bad about his OWN insecurities and jealousies. Whoa……

    I sent him the Radio song from Joni (thanks darlin’ Nikita!)

    I told him I was done with his bullying. I feel free this morning. I feel like rori says we will feel. When we stay with what we want and true to ourselves, we will feel “done” and bored with the man who is treating us with disrespect. I do. I still feel a little sad about him cause he was a sweet man in many ways, but he is not being sweet now, he is being mean. So—–yeah. DONE.

    I feel free! I feel strong in my convictions and what I want. I feel like I just went through the fire and came out better.

    And the credit goes to Rori and all you wonderful sirens on this blog. You too Tinque,, btw! xxoo



  217.  #217Simply Shannon on October 19, 2010 at 11:41 am

    SLV, Fun, thoughtful types? Eeek. I feel nervous. Have I painted myself in a corner? Will Fun, dumb jocks get my profile? Ahhhhhh. I feel freaked out and nervous. Note: This is my trigger, you just gave voice to one of lingering doubts.

    Yes my profile will be understandable and funny and intriguing to ALL types of men. My only qualifications are in my leading man requirements. All man types may apply.

    Feeling uncomfortable. Gonna sit with it.



  218.  #218Senior Lady Vibe on October 19, 2010 at 11:42 am

    @208: Jason Miller says:
    135: Senior Lady Vibe

    “I have no idea what you mean by a man using code. Can you fill me in on this? Or maybe you don’t want to… “

    Hi Jason,

    I’m kind of new here, I’ve enjoyed reading your comments. Seeing the words bare like that “using code” does seem suspect; however, I meant just the code to format words (such as yours above) on Rori’s blog.

    I made a typo the other day, and wouldn’t you know, right in the middle of an italics closing bracket. After the post was submitted, a closing correction would not work through the interface…the entire blog was in intalics for hours (seemed like days!)

    Daria stepped up to help and then everything was italicized AND bolded! A little blog formatting drama was had by all and I felt temporarily in the dog house.

    SLV



  219.  #219Jason Miller on October 19, 2010 at 11:42 am

    137: Siena says:

    Hmmm, I need to not lead Mover Man on. I wonder how long I should give it before I need to make a final decision? He’s awfully good to me, I just dont feel “ever after” with him.

    I’ve followed some of the other comments you posted on Mover Man and I really don’t believe you are into him at all. I take the position that if the guy you’re seeing doesn’t wow you at all after going out a few times and you’re not feeling strong interest, then move on. It’s very unlikely that a nice guy like that will suddenly appear super attractive to you after going out a few times. I maintain that he’s not as attractive to you as you’d like him to be. He looks good on paper and treats you well, but he’s not lighting your fire.

    I like Evan Marc Katz’s idea of me not needing to do anything but respond if he comes to me, and say yes if it feels good.

    I don’t. This approach absolves you of your own responsibility to be congruent and honest with the men you’re interacting with. If you’re not fully into the guy and he’s ready to commit to you, then there is a disconnect happening that needs to be resolved. If he’s assuming you feel the same way he does and you don’t, then you’re not being honest.

    I don’t mind dating him.

    You sound like you might have better things to do than date him. Is that how you want to feel about the guy you choose to be with over the long haul?

    I like him, and he’s a great guy! It just feels like he could get serious, and I don’t want to hurt him. It’s only been a month… I have plenty of time I guess.

    Not really. If he’s feeling the need to “lock you in,” then you need to be careful. Dating really is about expectation management.

    I want to clue you in on something. When guys are “too nice” and want to commit well before they even get to know you, it indicates neediness on their part. In fact, they don’t even realize they are greatly diminishing their own attractiveness to women by being that way. It shows a lack of confidence and their scarcity mentality when it comes to dating and women. From an energetic standpoint, it kills their masculine energy. Therefore, it also diminishes their attractiveness that way too.

    Let me know what you think.



  220.  #220Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 11:43 am

    Brenda,
    ok. but now I feel called “petty”. Are my feelings “petty”? are your feelings “petty”? How much “pettiness” is on this blog? Is it just Nikita’s pettiness or is it Brenda’s?

    I feel better when the communication between us feels quieter to me like it does now
    but I also feel determined to express every last thing inside of me that seems pertinent….and I feel a little scared to keep doing it because my doing so could be viewed by all of the people in the internet ethers and you as “petty”. I feel frowny about that. But I feel brave…and resolved by being transparent here with my feelings.



  221.  #221Jason Miller on October 19, 2010 at 11:44 am

    218: Senior Lady Vibe

    Ah, HTML code! Much respect! 🙂



  222.  #222Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 11:49 am

    oh Simply Shannon the Frog Goddess…all of the frogs….email SS in an effort to play court jester on the SS Show Lmao….. She will be inundated by frogs!!!!(hey,was there a story in the good book where the town was plagued by frogs)

    I apologize SS… I feel too playful at the idea of you being attacked by frogs…. 🙁

    I hope you forgive me and understand my terrible humor 😉



  223.  #223Senior Lady Vibe on October 19, 2010 at 11:50 am

    217: Simply Shannon says:
    “SLV, Fun, thoughtful types? Eeek. I feel nervous. Have I painted myself in a corner? Will Fun, dumb jocks get my profile? ”

    SS, I didn’t mean the profile is limiting. I admired it. I want a fun, thoughtful type guy so I’d like to be able to develop a profile like yours.

    Would a fun, dumb jock get your profile? If he’s sufficiently dumb would he read your profile? Who knows, maybe. But you’ve got a pretty pic here, so a pretty pic on your profile, you could go from there. All bases covered.

    I don’t know your exact trigger but if you don’t want fun thoughtful types, you could misspell a few words… 😀

    SLV



  224.  #224Daria on October 19, 2010 at 11:50 am

    Slv – wow you are so brave! Amazing job with the eye gaze.

    Sorry to disappoint you, but it would be nice if they could shorten it to 2 seconds for women named Daria. That would make it a lot easier for women named Daria … Yep

    Ps – I feel so triggered… I really see from my perception you holding some low self esteem beliefs about being a senior and previously about your looks.

    This isn’t about being “objective” because that doesn’t exist. This is about the better you think of yourself, the better others do. Oh oh oh does this work, it’s even more amazing then turning the screws on top of men’s heads.

    How about anytime I read you write something like “maybe they didn’t like me” or “maybe senior women are dufferen” -they’re not, they’re gorgeous..
    I am giving those nvs a hug, like a hug where they melt and feel loved, and even though they wanted to protect you, now you’re going to go on feeling better and being bigger and happier so you can have more live to share with them and with the world.

    Ps I memorized that last script of what to say to them from Rori, it works for me well.



  225.  #225Daria on October 19, 2010 at 11:54 am

    The thing about the gaze is, I also get triggered that they’ll think I’m a horny woman, among other things… Am still practicing..
    Actually that is supposed to happen…
    There’s a connection being made, and all my insecurities cine up to try to protect me from the connection.

    This is the one tool I don’t have mastered, but I am practicing…

    Opening my heart before it helps a Lot



  226.  #226Jason Miller on October 19, 2010 at 11:55 am

    156: Renee

    No specific advice. But I do notice that he’s wildly inconsistent about his intentions with you. It occurs to me you might be settling in this situation because you would prefer to know where you stand with him yet you’re still compelled to keep pursuing this relationship.

    Does that resonate at all?



  227.  #227Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 11:56 am

    Ugh! I feel so angry right now. I need support.



  228.  #228Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 11:57 am

    Jason,

    I disagree. I dated a Libra for a whole month(more) and I never felt him stoking my fires. I dumped him unceremoniously. I rockstarred him later(returned his calls months and months later) and did not NEED anything from him…just wanted to say hi(since I had vanished)he began pursuing me again(i did not get this at first but hindsight is 20/20.right?)…..blah,blah,blah,…I fell on his cock…really I did…and swoon…..sigh….swoon…. I am not currently with him but I attribute that to extenuating circumstances….. my point(and twisted compliment) is that he stoked me into a 4 alarm fire…and they had to call in the national guard to help put out the blaze….really 😉



  229.  #229Jason Miller on October 19, 2010 at 11:58 am

    225: Daria

    What’s wrong with being comfortable with your own sexuality? There’s nothing wrong with being a horny woman. You can still say no to any man that approaches and turns you off.



  230.  #230Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 11:59 am

    Hi LG 🙂

    welcome to pink girly blog support line: this is nikita, how may I direct your call?



  231.  #231Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 11:59 am

    I feel so confused. Rori specifically asked that we refrain from judgements and try to express ourselves in feeling messages and don’t wants when feeling triggered.

    Calling people petty is a judgement.

    I don’t want to be judged!!!!!!



  232.  #232Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    I rock the gaze. Daria….. you have been working on that gaze since last year! I remember the posts…..have you tried eft’ing gaze resistance 😉



  233.  #233Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    ok little Lioness 😉

    I hear you don’t want to be judged.



  234.  #234Simply Shannon on October 19, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    Nikita, Shhhh…. Listen here, please don’t go speaking those things into existence like that. God is listening. 😉

    *Speaking LOUDLY*
    Ahem…

    Attention. Attention. I am no longer Frog Goddess OR Donkey Goddess. Those crown jewels are currently available to anyone who wants them. Takers?

    Jason, I know that wasn’t directed at me but… I feel weird and a little defensive. I don’t want assumptions made about what’s in my heart. Hmmm… interesting… what are your reasons for pushing Mover Man off the field? Are you auditioning? 😉 What do you think?



  235.  #235Daria on October 19, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    Slv – ohh excellent advice to Meemee! Thank you thank you!



  236.  #236Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    SS,

    oh, yeah…I have to pass I have had more than my fill of frog….thanks for offering though 🙂 but I’m all wrapped up in Princes and Kings…and can I tell you….it is soooooo easy 😉



  237.  #237Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    Thanks Nikita. Humor feels good. I’m starting to release the anger and underneath is a deep sadness.



  238.  #238Simply Shannon on October 19, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    The gaze for me feels difficult when it’s me willing the guy to talk to me. Like I will now use my vulcan eye powers to move your head this way you robot!

    I look at people naturally all the time. I constantly make eye contact. I feel weird NOT looking at someone’s eyes. Now holding for 5 seconds is a stretch. And for me NOT saying hello is a stretch. I feel more comfortable walking up to someone and introducing myself. Waiting feels difficult for me.

    Come on man say hi already!



  239.  #239Daria on October 19, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    Meemee – btw, I strongly disagree that allowing a man to kiss you, whom you don’t (yet) feel attracted to is “using” in a bad way. – this actually may eventually spark attraction – it has for me.

    Many people ate triggered by the word using.

    It helps me to believe that it’s Impossible to ” use” anyone in a negative way.

    As long as we are practicing being honest, everyone benefits from being around u’s.



  240.  #240Simply Shannon on October 19, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    SLV – Haha! Misspell a few words? Ack. No. That would feel REALLY uncomfortable. LOL! That is too funny to notice these things. I do want a fun, thoughtful guy too. Thank you for bearing with me in this trigger. I got stuck on the label and it freaked me.



  241.  #241Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    Well I am just triggerlicious today!!!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3hBYTkI-sE

    this is dedicated to Meemee 🙂

    and Daria….. and….. um….. whoever else 🙂

    turtle girl?? SS?



  242.  #242melody on October 19, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    Hi Dating Divas and Goddesses,

    I need help with plentyoffish!!!!

    Can some of you goddesses who are SUPER DATERS help me? 🙂

    1. Where do I find my “Sent Messages”?

    Example: On okcupid you’ve got your “Inbox” and your “Sent Messages” but I don’t see anything like this on POF and I can’t tell whether the men who have written me are getting my replies.

    2. POF keeps throwing me into a screen where I have to keep keyboarding security code into the system to “make sure I’m not a scammer”, … but when I do that, it never says my message was accepted/sent and gives me yet another security code for the same message. I just went through five codes on one message and finally gave up and came here to ask about it.

    Now that I’ve gone back *again* and looked, I can’t find anywhere on my homepage where the system shows that I ever sent any messages at all.

    POF is really active!! Even for a goddess in her 50’s!!! (hint, hint goddesses) 🙂 and there are some guys I’d really like to talk to if not go out with. Will some of you gorgeous, beautiful, experienced in on-line dating Sirens help me out, please? 🙂

    I have to leave my house now and have a class I’m taking tonight so won’t be home until about 10:00 if you reply to this and I don’t answer!

    Thank you!!



  243.  #243Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    Bill Withers – Use Me UP

    My friends feel it’s their appointed duty
    They keep trying to tell me all you want to do is use me
    But my answer yeah to all that use me stuff
    Is I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good getting used
    Oh you just keep on using me until you use me up
    Until you use me up

    My brother sit me right down and he talked to me
    He told me that I ought not to let you just walk on me
    And I’m sure he meant well yeah but when our talk was through
    I said brother if you only knew you’d wish that you were in my shoes
    You just keep on using me until you use me up
    Until you use me up

    Oh sometimes yeah it’s true you really do abuse me
    You get in a crowd of high class people and then you act real rude to me
    But oh baby baby baby baby when you love me I can’t get enough
    I and I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good getting used
    Oh you just keep on using me until you use me up
    Until you use me up

    Talking about you using me but it all depends on what you do
    It ain’t too bad the way you’re using me
    Cause I sure am using you to do the things you do
    Ah ha to do the things you do



  244.  #244Meemee on October 19, 2010 at 12:21 pm

    Re:#196
    Brenda, I think the feeling that I was ‘using’ this ‘chocolate guy’ comes from some of my inner conflicts.
    Under normal circumstances if I guy gets me chocolates for some proffessional help I offered and texts me in the morning saying he is dropping in to give me chocolates I would dfinitely say no to it. I would have said “It is part of my job. No need for chocolates”. But today I did accept it.
    Under nornal circumstances,if a man who is not my friend comes to my room three times a day and initiates a conversation, I would start feeling uneasy and would definitely not sit and talk for more than once or twice.
    Under normal circumstances if a man (after spending a solid one hour sitting in my room and talking) asks me if I can wait for him so that he can join me, I don’t think I would have done it.

    I might be unnecessarily dissecting my feelings.
    Hugs

    Meemee



  245.  #245Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    SS,

    My sweetums….said many moons ago….he loves “us”
    because we have FUN (he said this while he was laughing so hard he almost had tears-we “get” our humor)

    So…reframe: Fun+Men=Good



  246.  #246Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    I feel deep sadness reading generalized statements about people being petty on this blog. I feel impatient. I curious about why someone stays here is they think we are petty. I feel furious being threatened that someone is going to leave if I don’t change to suit their needs.

    I feel sad.

    I don’t want someone to say the words “I love and accept you” when the rest of their words indicate otherwise. If you love and accept me, then don’t call me petty! That doesn’t feel like acceptance. It feels horrible!



  247.  #247Daria on October 19, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    Thanks Jason! It feels reassuring hearing it from
    a man.

    I will keep babystepping.

    Nikita – I have, actually once w Erika too,

    And it got convoluted to my fear of dogs, etc…
    I’m also terrified of eye gazing with women.

    It triggers me to being judged when I moved to the US in elementary school.

    But I Am doing better. I have Bern making progress with old men.

    Opening my heart helps me feel safer.

    I can make all people stare at me from just moving around and stuff, so that part is covered, now to eye gaze them past that little 3 second ‘connection catch ‘ that feels like mucho energy moving.



  248.  #248Daria on October 19, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    Meemee – you’re doing great. Keep accepting men’s attentions, don’t let the insecurities and unworthy feelings stop you. They ate just coming up to be healed and loved.



  249.  #249Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    I feel deep sadness about being judged and told what to do.

    Thanks for holding space for me to work thru this.

    I feel sadness for people that judge. If they are judging me, then they are probably judging themselves as well. I feel sad about that. I imagine their nasty voices are pretty strong towards themselves as well.

    I don’t want people to listen to their nasty voices and I also don’t want their nasty voice to turn on me. That feels really bad.

    I do feel good about processing this is the way Rori suggested. That feels good. I feel forward movement. That feels nice.



  250.  #250Daria on October 19, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    Yay lg!



  251.  #251Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    Daria,

    wow, there’s an acting exercise where we have to stare into the eyes of our partner for like …eternity!

    maybe 5minutes? but a LOOOOOOONG time….and as you do it it get comfortable and it feels like we are talking without words…really! could you practice with one of your bff”s? or mom? or a really good guy friend?
    or maybe if you have skype…a friend or cousin in romania?
    can you stare into your pupils in the mirror?

    wow..I feel soooo intrigued and curious about your trigger here…. wow…..



  252.  #252Siena on October 19, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    hmmm, I feel defensive.

    I feel misunderstood. I have been extremely honest with him, at every turn. He has not asked me yet for exclusivity, but I feel it’s coming.

    I feel bad, like I am being made wrong for genuinely trying to do the right thing by this guy.

    I come to this blog to work out my feelings and find the expression of my deepest feelings. My deepest feelings include ones that are selfish. I don’t want to hide the selfishness here. I want to express it until it finds it’s place, and doesn’t feel the need to be expressed in a hurtful way.

    I work out my deepest feelings here so that when I DO communicate with someone like Mover Man, I am able to do so genuinely and without confusion.

    Nikita, I sense your anger at me. I don’t know what I said to trigger it, but I welcome the discussion of helping you get thru that trigger.



  253.  #253Meemee on October 19, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    Nikita
    Thanks for the dedicaton!!
    I feel honored!
    Meemee



  254.  #254Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    wow Daria… and your gravatar is soooooo the GAZE!!!

    I am flabbergasted- officially feeling Flabbergasted



  255.  #255Turtle Girl on October 19, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Yes—-gazing!!! That sounds like something I read about that Micheal Brown talks about in his Portal stuff.

    It is really fascinating to sit with another and just look deep into their eyes for as long as you can. Some weird stuff comes up and its very interesting!



  256.  #256Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    Siena,

    I don’t feel anger towards you. I feel confused. really! I am wanting to know if I am pushing you to do something(mover man) you DO NOT want to do….I Don’t want to push you AT ALL. I would feel bad doing that. OR if you just want a little help feelin ok with experimenting with CD’ing and curious about other experiences of women who like Rori’s stuff (I got her book in 2007) -that’s me!! I love encouraging women to let themselves be surprised at how attractive a man can become after opening up to him.
    BUT – I want to hold every woman’s intuition as sacred and the most important…. (even tho sometimes women have been trained not to hear their intuition) voice….if that is the voice….. but not nasty voices…those need duct tape coverings 🙂



  257.  #257Daria on October 19, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    i did the 20 min gaze at that hrystian authentic man seminar.

    im great at gazing one on one w a date.

    its the strangers in public that i am practicing on that brings up insecurities.



  258.  #258Meemee on October 19, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    Re:#182
    SLV,
    Your reply made me smile 🙂 :). Especially the final part of it. But unfortunately I have already made myself a ‘real estate agent’ (unpaid) for 3/4 of my friends and 1/2 of my collegues. LOL 🙂
    And, no, I never thought may be this guy likes me.
    Meemee



  259.  #259Daria on October 19, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    Siena – i think this worry about “i feel its coming” … is overfunctioning…

    its worrying about him, and guessing at the future, and ITS JUST NOT TRUE

    you don’t have to do anything any future planning or preventing or worrying about his feelings… all there is to do is lay in the boat and share feelings

    in order to get to be able to have that forever relationship, we have to get comfortable receiving attentions from men, and RECEIVING without worrying about hurting htem etc..

    thats why we’re CDing… because we need it, because a woman who is able to receive attention from all men that feels good

    is the one that attracts forever men



  260.  #260jacqueline on October 19, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    Hello, everyone! Just a shoutout – Jason’s interview where he answers questions about his thoughts and women! will be on my blog tomorrow; he was the subject of my Friday post about why he decided to coach women. Also, if you ask questions in the comments he’ll answer them – as far as I know, smile. I love how he said, don’t tell you’re dating as it is diametrically in opposition to other advise. I’m still holding the space for all advice to be good for some of us – for us to get to a take what you want and leave the rest.

    Siena, I really enjoyed reading what you had to say on this thread.

    I have found a “new” way to be here! I only read the words of people I admire or have an investment in their stories – Hi, Renee! I’m so rooting for you!!

    I feel excited that that coupled with the walk away coupled with firmer boundaries will help me grow – both in compassion and in self love. Very cool.

    Take care, all….
    Jacqueline



  261.  #261Simply Shannon on October 19, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    LG, I’m going to tweak some of your words. Just working through something. I’m still hearing judgments when I read your words. Note that is MY projection. Not wanting to trigger you. Just jumping off your post because I have the same thoughts/feelings and can hear judgment in my thoughts as I read your words. Ok, enough splainin’.

    I feel bad. Why do I include myself in general statements? I feel furious. I don’t want to feel threatened. Do I feel petty? No I don’t. Why do I feel threatened when someone suggests they’ll leave? Why do I accept the word petty as a label for myself?

    I feel sad. I don’t want to hear the words “I love and accept you” and then follow it up with words that feel yucky. If I feel loved and accepted me, I won’t feel judged. I’ll feel safe.



  262.  #262Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    SS: I feel weird reading that. I feel confused about why you are rewriting my words eater than processing your own triggers about my words. I feel confused and not good.



  263.  #263Siena on October 19, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    Thanks Nikita. You might feel confused because I’m a Pisces. Hehe, we’re dual-natured.

    Daria, you’re totally right. I shall stop thinking about it right now. What you say about receiving is SO my lesson right now. Thank you!



  264.  #264Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    Meant to say rather not eater



  265.  #265jacqueline on October 19, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    And I want to apologize to any of the women hear if I trigger/triggered their internal negative voices. I feel great compassion for those with that issue. I wanted to say I’ve started learning a lot about how negative voices people have inside their heads really mess them up. I wish I had a solution to negative voice talk for women! Are there methods that work for stopping them, etc. I”d love to hear from anyone who has found a way that works to address this, especially more Rori advice on it.

    I thought I was in an external conversation and that was my intention in being here, but so many people have these neg. voices, I was not factoring that into my side of the conversations.

    Thanks for helping me grow with this new awareness!

    J



  266.  #266Meemee on October 19, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Any virgos here? Just curious to know 🙂
    Meemee



  267.  #267Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Siena,

    omg (pisces) say no more my absolute best girl is pisces…and my cat was a pisces 🙂

    so ok…great… I feel very happy as I know believe you trust I am not feeling angry with you but supportive.

    I just can’t see the fish clearly when the swim away into deeper waters in two directions 😉
    I trust you to work it out when you feel it all out;)



  268.  #268Daria on October 19, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    i feel judgemental, cold and removed and sneering when i read “this blog is petty”

    i feel secretly smiling, i recognize these words from someone else

    im building a story of someone parroting other people’s words etc…

    i also feel powerful and removed. i am quite convinced i am not petty.

    petty is not something my nasty voices say to me,

    i mean i can be particular and qualify stuff a lot and etc,

    but its not the word petty

    petty doesn’t apply to me?

    hmm

    ok maybe if i take the mirror,

    i love the petty labeled parts of me, even though i don’t call you that…

    ok… now i feel confused.

    i know i have this voicethat says… hmm imnot petty, neither is this blog. this person is trippin



  269.  #269Siena on October 19, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    I just got off the phone with a friend and LOA coach. She’s a mastermind partner, and she told me something that feels really good to hear, bc it’s so true!

    She said that nothing sticks to me because I don’t feel worthy to receive it. I’m working on the “feeling worthy” part.

    I am a Queen! Everything I desire comes to me and sticks!

    I can bring in lots of money, friends, men… You name it, and I can get it! Ive been known to attract tens of thousands of dollars in a matter of days, and even recieved a Mercedes (fully paid) for free. But up until today, I’ve had difficulty having things stick. It’s felt extremely frustrating!

    No more 🙂

    I am a Queen! Everything I desire comes to me and sticks!



  270.  #270Jason Miller on October 19, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    234: Simply Shannon says:

    Jason, I know that wasn’t directed at me but… I feel weird and a little defensive. I don’t want assumptions made about what’s in my heart. Hmmm… interesting… what are your reasons for pushing Mover Man off the field? Are you auditioning? What do you think?

    Well, I was challenging Siena since I was getting the strong impression she wasn’t really into him for the reasons I stated. She can correct me if I went off track, of course. I don’t pretend to know everything that’s going through her heart and mind or his.

    I assert that if after a reasonable amount of time you’re not turned on by the guy enough to give him a shot at the long term, but he’s trying to lock onto you, then you have to back off. It’s not a sustainable situation. And the reverse is true too. I would give the same advice to a guy who’s not really into a particular woman.

    You have to be honest with yourself about what you want from the opposite sex when dating and forming relationships. If attraction is weak at the beginning, it’s pretty rare that it will increase over time. You have to make the judgement call as to how much time you’re willing to invest to see if it gets better while taking the other person’s feelings into account.

    228: Nikita

    I disagree. I dated a Libra for a whole month(more) and I never felt him stoking my fires. I dumped him unceremoniously. I rockstarred him later(returned his calls months and months later) and did not NEED anything from him…just wanted to say hi(since I had vanished)he began pursuing me again(i did not get this at first but hindsight is 20/20.right?)…..blah,blah,blah,…I fell on his cock…really I did…and swoon…..sigh….swoon…. I am not currently with him but I attribute that to extenuating circumstances….. my point(and twisted compliment) is that he stoked me into a 4 alarm fire…and they had to call in the national guard to help put out the blaze….really

    Actually, you’re supporting my assertion. You let him go because he wasn’t attractive enough. You checked in with him much later and he came back with the right stuff at the right time. Siena could try something similar to snap this guy into a more assertive mood.

    When I guy knows he has a second chance with a woman he’s into, he’s naturally going to feel more confident (and attractive to the woman) because you’ve told him in no uncertain terms that you’re still interested even if it didn’t work the first go round. You’re telling him it’s back on so he’s got a clear green light to go masculine energy on you. And then you get the potential fireworks.

    My perspective, anyway.



  271.  #271Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    I have Mercury in Virgo 🙂

    does that count?

    I used to date lots and lots of virgos too 🙂
    they were my chocolates!!!!



  272.  #272lm on October 19, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    Siena 269:

    that’s f’ing awesome. i feel like i was meant to read that today!



  273.  #273Daria on October 19, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    wow i feel so judgemental of Jaqueline’s posts!

    almost every other post we do here about how we work with and manage our negative voices

    i feel like, unseen, and furious

    i do NOT like feeling unseen

    grrrrrrr



  274.  #274Rose on October 19, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    I feel happy and hopeful..happy I am taking good care of my health and on the road to lessen horrible pms..

    The past week I started the evening primrose and started taking my other supplements.
    I am being more vigilant about my diet…

    Ahh this is all easy to say now as the time of the month has yet to come…hopefully next month will be better..

    Another thank you for all the helpful advice ladies..xoxo



  275.  #275Jason Miller on October 19, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    269: Siena

    Ah, see? You’re worthy of a guy who really turns you on!



  276.  #276Siena on October 19, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    Jason, Mover man is very assertive. Grade A 100% alpha male. I’m physically attracted to him, but I dont feel that my heart is taken care of enough with him.



  277.  #277Daria on October 19, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Jason – what you’re writing goes against Rori’s teaching in that, she teaches that attraction actually happens as we Open Up, and it can happen with practically any man…

    so it’s not true that it won’t happen if it’s weak at the beginning

    i actually experienced this recently with one of my cd’s that i was not attracted to at the beginning, and then i Did get turned on, by opening up

    I’ve also attended an Authentic Man seminar, where by eye gazing and touching my arm and being present, EVERY SINGLE MAN IN THE ROOM WAS ABLE TO TURN ME ON…

    i suddenly saw him differently!

    and i was totally not attracted to them at first

    ps – also, the guy can back off on his own if he wants to, it’s a take over of the masculine role for a woman to push him away

    a woman in a feminine role who is not feeling good with a man will just naturally step back

    I think something missing here is that there can be DISCUSSION around this and sharing with a man…

    ie.. im feeling scared, i feel insecure, im not feeling attracted sexually at this point, i’m feeling a little closed off from you, i feel uncomfortable, etc.



  278.  #278Siena on October 19, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    Jason, you’re totally right. One who totally flips my switch and “guards and protects my heart.” (Lol bachelorette anyone?)

    Lm – yay!!!



  279.  #279Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Nikita,

    Statistically evaluate the historic data by using a confidence interval approach in which predicted results are estimated based on the mean 95% confidence intervals for each analyte. From this statistical analysis the time point at which positive control would exceed the control range would be used to set the upper limit of the re-evaluation date.



  280.  #280Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    SS: Are you open to some feedback?



  281.  #281jacqueline on October 19, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    I SEE you Daria. I did not realize negative voices were inside people’s heads. I thought it was external. I am learning. I wish I had a solution. Triggers are things that make people’s internal conversation inside their heads go off, yes? I thought they were things that made us angry, etc. And then we wrote to that person about how we were angry – which is what I’m reading you doing.
    Like telling me you’re angry. So are you telling me you’re angry or are you speaking about what you are hearing inside your head and that makes you express anger?

    I never got this distinction. And I feel resentful if words are put into my writings like petty – just work with what I say if you are working with me, okay?

    I’m open to learning then.

    Thanks!
    J



  282.  #282jacqueline on October 19, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    Hi, Brenda – ummm is that in English, code or mathmatics??? Sounds great whatever it is!

    Admiringly,
    J



  283.  #283Simply Shannon on October 19, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    LG, I resonated with your words. They felt like my own thoughts so I jumped off rather than starting from scratch. And my own thoughts felt the blame I was placing on the person.

    I dunno. I feel really weird. We’re practicing feeling messages but it feels disconnected from the person who said the words. Saying “anyone” and “someone” and “another non-specific label insert here”.

    Ohhhh… okay wait… I am interested in creating a connection and understanding the other person. I don’t want to crawl up inside my head forever. This is not a conversation with a robot. I can actually talk to the other person without blaming them.

    Hey Brenda. I feel yucky reading the label petty. Do you think I’m petty? I don’t think I am but maybe something I said sounded that way. I’d like to understand what you mean. Your perspective. What do you think?

    Not sure I’m in love with that voice either.

    Ugh. I feel annoyed with myself and bored. Kinda mad actually.



  284.  #284Siena on October 19, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    Bren, you switched to boy energy. I hope you switch back and stay in your girl… She’s lovely and perfect just the way she is!



  285.  #285Daria on October 19, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    Jaqueline –

    yes, EVERYTHING that triggers us to feeling angry, sad etc… is about Voices in our heads taht get triggered, patterns from the past that we may not even know where they come from

    it’s not about that other person at All! though we can use the interaction here and now to heal those voices of ourselves, embrace them and love them and ask them to support us in a different way

    actually Speaking to the voices works

    giving them a body, and visiting them, offering them love and telling them we’re in charge and will they help us works (Rori Stranger exercise)

    sometimes telling them to shuttup works – i like So What!

    ps the petty was something Brenda said earlier about the blog, it didn’t have anything to do with you, unless i misunderstand what you wrote…



  286.  #286Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 1:24 pm

    Jason,

    I sorta get where you’re going with that but I still disagree 🙂

    I was biased and never gave him a chance. When I contacted him it was NOT on…(is that how all men think? absolutes feel a little weird here)…it was in regards to a “mutual friend” (for lack of a better term)
    He did not DO anything. I DECIDED I wanted to sleep with him. That’s it. He was in the right place 🙂
    I DECIDED to open up. I DECIDED to give him a chance to show me what he’s got…. and he showed me alright 😉

    I actually turned down a few of his invites (i thought we were just friends) and he got annoyed… then I realized he had totally forgiven me for blowing him off…..if anything…. It was HIS FORGIVENESS and lack of grudge holding that made me feel safe enough to “just sleep with him”. all together, I knew him about a year but big gap in contact….in between dating- and not dating…and dating again….

    I feel like I get what you are illustrating…that maybe his vibe changed and he became “better”.

    But, I see it as my vibe changed and I became more accepting…
    this is fun!…..me thinking about the mindblowing sex I had with my Libra Lover 😉



  287.  #287Jason Miller on October 19, 2010 at 1:24 pm

    278: Siena

    OK, so masculinity is not the issue. It’s your feeling that he should have your best interests at heart. You don’t feel safe opening up to him because it feels risky? This leads to another fundamental point…

    I look at attraction as the masculinity/femininity polarity. But moving forward in the courtship process depends on your sense of safety as a woman. And if he’s not taking care of that from the beginning, it’s hard to open up.

    Let me know if I’m on track.



  288.  #288Simply Shannon on October 19, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    YES Laughing Goddess! I was posting when you wrote that. Hope you see this first before responding.



  289.  #289Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    #277 Daria,

    word. 🙂 I concur!!!



  290.  #290Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    Brenda,

    O.K. computer.



  291.  #291Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    Brenda: I feel curious about something. How do you feel about Rori’s post to you in the last thread…the one where she talks about getting into your feelings?



  292.  #292Daria on October 19, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    umm… hello statistics

    at a 95% confidence interval, there is a 95% PROBABILITY that the confidence intervals created using the sample mean “x-bar” and the known standard deviation for the procedure “omega” will contain the true mean “miu”

    this can easily get confused by students who can forget that it is a probability

    hmm gonna review



  293.  #293Siena on October 19, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Jason, almost. Yes, I don’t feel 100% safe with entrusting my heart to him. But I have been very open with him. But not because of him or us, but because of me and what I’ve learned here.

    So while I’ve been very open, I long to be opened up even more (wow! That sounds really erotic!)

    So I need a man who can help me with that – even while I’m working on it myself.

    What do you think?



  294.  #294jacqueline on October 19, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    Daria – I didn’t understand that. I’m going to be listening differently then. I get angry etc. but I don’t talk to myself in my head – I write it out, think it out something like that. I find myself either feeling or thinking. But not anything like “voices” to talk to in my head. That feels really scary to me. Thank you for helping!

    Best,
    J



  295.  #295Daria on October 19, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    Siena – (hey its me Daria-with a jason mask on)

    it think a huge shift may be created by sharing with the man how you feel

    hey… i feel a little unsafe entrusting my heart… and i feel confused about why… and i don’t want to feel this way… what do you think?



  296.  #296jacqueline on October 19, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    ps I read about “sub” personalities once and how to talk to them – even that was scary to me. I feel like I’m all one person with one voice, and that feels good. What Jason would describe as congruent.



  297.  #297Daria on October 19, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Jaqueline – many people don’t notice that they are voices, until they start listening for them as such. originally I didn’t “hear” them either, as in I wasn’t aware of them as voices

    allowing myself to hear them as voices helps me process

    i feel scared and misunderstood hearing that you don’t have them and they sound scary to you

    i feel pushed away and made different

    and i feel afraid to volunteer my help



  298.  #298Daria on October 19, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    aaah i feel afraid and pushed upon! whoa , what’s going on with me

    i feel tightened up

    i feel unsafe

    i feel like running away now



  299.  #299Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    SS:

    This is something Daria just wrote…

    “yes, EVERYTHING that triggers us to feeling angry, sad etc… is about Voices in our heads taht get triggered, patterns from the past that we may not even know where they come from

    it’s not about that other person at All! though we can use the interaction here and now to heal those voices of ourselves, embrace them and love them and ask them to support us in a different way”

    for me, the reason I didn’t address Brenda directly is because she wasn’t talking to me but what she said triggered something within me and voices from the past and that’s what I was working through. I didn’t want to make it about her. It’s not really about her. It’s about me not wanting to be judged, not wanting to be controlled. Not wanting to be called names.

    I was experimenting with a new way of expressing myself when I feel triggered. I appreciate your feedback that my words still felt judgmental. I really appreciate that because I want to learn to communicate in a non-judgemental way.



  300.  #300Jason Miller on October 19, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    277: Daria
    286: Nikita

    I see your point, definitely. I was running under the assumption that you were giving him a chance from the beginning. I was assuming you were opening and connecting with him genuinely from the outset.

    Attraction can’t happen without connection, I certainly agree. But if there is a real connection and attraction’s not happening, then it’s rare that it will increase over time.

    Daria’s (and Rori’s) point is well taken. (I argue this works for men too more than we’ll admit. It means looks don’t matter as much to us as everyone assumes!) Connection opens the possibility for attraction. The eye contact experiment is proof of that. All the eye contact thing is is a request to connect. Then it’s just a question of whether or not it leads to attraction or not.

    Are we in sync now?



  301.  #301Daria on October 19, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Jaqueline – i feel unheard. sorry if you feel triggered by the idea of voices and sub-personalities. it can definitely feel triggering if you think of it in a “psycho” way, but that’s not how it works, it’s much more subtle than that and pretty much universal

    thoughts for example are “voices” … anything you say, write, etc are all voices…



  302.  #302Daria on October 19, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    Jason – now that you’ve submitted to our will, we are in synch… kapshaw… lol

    sorry just being a trigger buddy here



  303.  #303Siena on October 19, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    Daria #295. Okay I will. We’ll see what shakes out!



  304.  #304Daria on October 19, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    now my old cd is sending me texts

    Je t’aime Daria

    (i guess he doesn’t want his game back right now? hehehe)



  305.  #305Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    SS: the feedback that I have…and please take it with a grain of salt. If it doesn’t resonate for you, I feel okay with it. It’s just my perception that I would like to share and maybe it will be helpful, maybe not.

    But when you wrote that post about tweaking my words, the image that came to mind what of a man struggling to do something and you jumping in and saying “here, I can do this better”.



  306.  #306jacqueline on October 19, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    Daria I am hearing you – I said I was – is this an example of how I’m not understanding you clearly and thus you feel unheard?

    And I’ve heard from some people who actually have voices – well maybe just really negative thoughts? But they call them voices.

    Anyway, I’ve got to go do some chore stuff so if I don’t answer that’s why.

    I have a question tho and I’ll check back later – so would all negativity — say, “I’m fat” be a “voice” and thus a trigger. Even if it were merely a comment on I’ve gained 3 pounds and then not followed up on? I get the feeling it’s the following up part that makes it a negative voice?

    And how do feeling messages work to create safety? I get how they work in communication and not “blaming,” but now I’m interested in how they create safety. Or in general, how do we create safety for ourselves and for others?

    And I don’t think non judgement is the answer – well, actually I do, but the human mind judges as a way of being. Compassion is as close as I can come?

    So, will read more later.

    Tks!



  307.  #307Siena on October 19, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    Sirens, question: how do YOU increase your own self worth. What do you do to increase your value in your own eyes?



  308.  #308Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    I don’t need to statistics to tell me that if I make judgements about people, they aren’t going to respond well.



  309.  #309Jason Miller on October 19, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    293: Siena says:

    Jason, almost. Yes, I don’t feel 100% safe with entrusting my heart to him. But I have been very open with him. But not because of him or us, but because of me and what I’ve learned here.

    Oh, I see. So this is a completely different picture for me than what we started talking about.

    So while I’ve been very open, I long to be opened up even more (wow! That sounds really erotic!)

    So I need a man who can help me with that – even while I’m working on it myself.

    What do you think?

    I agree with Daria. Good job of putting yourself in my shoes, Daria! 🙂

    Siena, I think you need to get clear on what’s holding you back and what you’re afraid of and consider letting him know what that is. I say that because earlier you were pretty certain he was not long term material given the status quo. I’m wondering if that has more to do with what you’re afraid of more than anything else. He might be able to take care of that fear in you if he knows what it is.

    Again, correct me if I’m off track.



  310.  #310Jason Miller on October 19, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    302: Daria says:

    Jason – now that you’ve submitted to our will, we are in synch… kapshaw… lol

    sorry just being a trigger buddy here

    LOL. Trigger buddy. It’s safe to try to trigger me. I’m not always right. 🙂

    I’m not afraid to agree with you all nor correct my presumptions where necessary. But I do stand on the fundamentals I’ve learned, coached and practiced myself.



  311.  #311Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    SS: you said…

    “Hey Brenda. I feel yucky reading the label petty. Do you think I’m petty? I don’t think I am but maybe something I said sounded that way. I’d like to understand what you mean. Your perspective. What do you think?”

    hmmm, This feels interesting but doesn’t really resonate. I don’t really want to hear the reasons why someone thinks I’m petty. I feel fear that will just lead down a path of a lot of explaining. I would prefer to hear someone’s feelings. That feels scary to open the door to getting explained to death. It doesn’t feel like the connection I am looking for.



  312.  #312Daria on October 19, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    Jaqueline – “I have a question tho and I’ll check back later – so would all negativity — say, “I’m fat” be a “voice” and thus a trigger. Even if it were merely a comment on I’ve gained 3 pounds and then not followed up on? I get the feeling it’s the following up part that makes it a negative voice? ”

    yes, “i’m fat” is a nasty voice. ANY thought is a voice. Nasty voices, are usually what we are experienceing (hearing if we listen to them as voices) when we feel upset… they are usually stuff from our parents in childhood, or other places …

    “ex: don’t get fat” or something like that. Sometimes they even Sound like our parents!

    And how do feeling messages work to create safety? I get how they work in communication and not “blaming,” but now I’m interested in how they create safety. Or in general, how do we create safety for ourselves and for others?

    And I don’t think non judgement is the answer – well, actually I do, but the human mind judges as a way of being. Compassion is as close as I can come?

    — yes safety is created by not expressing judgement, and instead speaking from a place of compassion… the human mind does judge, as a habit and as a useful survival mechanism, however it can go offtrack with judgements created from past emotional patterns (like when our moms told us dont get fat, it will then start making judgements about who’s fat, etc etc)

    so we can notice a judgement, but let it go, almost like meditation,

    and instead share FEELINGS, which are a true expression of experience and don’t judge

    when someone notices they are not being judged (and the other person letting their judgements go counts as not judging)

    then they will feel safe.

    if they notice another person sharing their feelings, and being comfortable doing so,

    they also start feeling comfortable to notice and maybe express their OWN feelings

    this feels wonderfully safe



  313.  #313Daria on October 19, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    Jason is cool!



  314.  #314Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    Nikita, LG, Daria, Shannon, and all you LURKERS! 🙂

    Here’s my take on it:

    You felt controlled by my “boy voice”.
    I felt controlled by being told how to construct my sentences.

    We all felt angry.

    I am working on feeling messages, and I have a lot of material here to work on. I am primarily interested in what Rori says, and I feel very pleased with my progress on feeling messages.

    I am working on feeling messages in baby steps, and there is a Brenda here who has partial boy energy, as we all do. I like my boy energy, and I use it when I see fit. I don’t like feeling jumped on every time I decide to flex my boy energy.

    I ask for help sometimes in constructing feeling messages, and I try to give help sometimes in constructing feeling messages. I get it that feeling messages are what we are about. But to absolutely FORCE me and INSIST that every utterance out of my mouth/keyboard is in feeling message format feels controlling to me.

    When I feel controlled, I feel angry. That doesn’t make my statement untrue that I love and care for each of you. Some of my favorite people ever are my Dad and Kenny, and both of them are very controlling. I still love them. I separate who someone is from what they do. That’s how my love can be a true feeling and statement at the same time as feeling angry.

    I want to work on feeling messages at MY pace, and that pace is baby steps…

    What do you think/feel?



  315.  #315Daria on October 19, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    Siena – i tell myself I AM worthy worthy worthy. I picture myself as a colorful gift.

    I picture myself as a spirit Goddess, and having an altar on earth where men leave me gifts and worship to me

    I repeat the name of a Goddess to myself and allow myself to feel I AM her
    — Freya, and Oshun – feel great.
    This is one of the most poweful and frequent exercises i do.

    I do the Stranger exercise – this helps dramatically and instantly when i do it

    I write love letters to myself.

    I express stuff im ashamed of about myself.

    I make lists of why im great.

    i picture that everyone is here TO MAKE ME HAPPY!!



  316.  #316Daria on October 19, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    Brenda – i feel angry! and i feel happy!

    and i feel GLAD that we HAVE to use feeling messages here, Rori’s decree

    it doesn’t feel safe to hear boy voices from women, unless they somehow are familiar to me from past experiences

    i felt challenged to use feeling messages all the time here too.

    Something i used to do then, that Rori taught us to do,

    is to write out a post just like Regular,

    and then change everything to feeling messages and don’t wants

    and Then post it

    this was really helpful to me

    it also really helps me in real life that i have a place where i am naturally encouraged and constrained to using feeling messages and being in feminine

    then my boy voice has to go work on other stuff that is beneficial to me

    like encouraging me to work out!



  317.  #317Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    And I guess, when I have seen repeated circumstances of someone not being willing to express their feeling or take personal responsibilty for their triggers, I kind of give up on trying to have a connection with them. That feels sad to me. I don’t want to give up on people. But I also want to feel good and I feel good when I am connecting with people I resonate with…people with whom there is sort of an agreed upon method for communicating. I feel understanding that we won’t always do it right…but at least we agree to make the effort.



  318.  #318Jason Miller on October 19, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    313: Daria

    Thanks, Daria! 🙂



  319.  #319Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    Siena,

    RE: #307 – You said, “Sirens, question: how do YOU increase your own self worth. What do you do to increase your value in your own eyes?”

    I wrestle with this question, too, and there are many ways. One way I have found is to elevate my thoughts, and my beliefs, and the rest follows. Here is an example:

    I was peacefully, nonviolently in a demonstration for a good cause in the 80s. I was locked up and spent about 4 hours in prison. I went through the mug shot deal and being processed in, and I was given a gigantic fluorescent jump suit to wear.

    The crotch hung down to my knees, and for a moment, I felt ugly, even tho at the time I was slender and feeling good about my appearance. As I walked across the concrete floor, I envisioned myself in a flowing wedding gown! Instantly I felt a lift in my chin and I felt like I was floating.

    It was a lifechanging moment, when I realized my circumstances did not dictate my identity. I had committed no crime. In fact, when my mug shot was being taken, a police officer tipped his hat to me, related to something I had said to him in the police car on the way over about my group’s activism.

    I realized my identity came from the inside, and I could choose it…no one else. So when I am feeling down, I do my best to elevate my thoughts. I picture myself as a princess in a beautiful castle, or a mermaid gliding through a blue ocean on a sunny day. My feelings follow my thoughts.

    Along the same vein, I find it valuable to read authors and their autobiographies when they are people I admire and want to emulate. Then my thoughts fall into their thoughts, and are thus elevated.

    I hope that helps!



  320.  #320Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    I don’t want to be forced to do anything. If Rori has an issue with me, let her address it, or Tinque. You have not been appointed as the guardians of Rori’s blog. I am not willing to be controlled. Nor am I willing to pet your peeves.

    There is a time and place for everything. I have gone in circles with you about being me, and I have gotten nowhere. So when you tell me you feel controlled for saying “Relax”, then I say “Mirror!” Because to try to duct tape my mouth and reformat every word that comes out of my mouth is controlling.

    If me saying I don’t like it just gets more petty peeve pouting, then I’ll just say what I mean and mean what I say:

    STOP YOUR BITCHING!!



  321.  #321Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    Brenda: I feel confused this statement

    “But to absolutely FORCE me and INSIST that every utterance out of my mouth/keyboard is in feeling message format feels controlling to me.”

    I don’t see anyone forcing you to do anything. I see people REACTING to your boy voice and judgements.

    Rori says that men react to boy voice and judgements by not being attracted to us.

    No one is forcing anyone to do anything. We are here practicing feminine voices so that we can have the relationship that we want with men…or at least that is my understanding.

    I hope you feel free to use whatever voice you want…but is it really getting you the results you want?



  322.  #322Senior Lady Vibe on October 19, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    224: Daria says:
    “Sorry to disappoint you, but it would be nice if they could shorten it to 2 seconds for women named Daria. That would make it a lot easier for women named Daria … Yep”

    Me disappointed? No, I had fun today. Daria, the way I see it, if 2 second works, OK, if not try something else. Not all tools work the same way for everyone I think.

    I’m out scouting, experimenting and learning. I could try 2 seconds, look away, 2 seconds–I think I like that one. I could experiment with that where the guy is not moving around. Ha!

    Self esteem and beliefs about being a senior are two things that meet but are not the same thing.

    I am not in the same pool as the 35 year olds; to pretend that I am is less helpful to me than getting a good handle on what I want, what my options are, what strategies I can develop. What’s out there? How large is the pool of appropriate prospects? (heehee, i just typed “suspects.” ) What style Spanx are the best for me. That sort of thing. I’m still in early learning about what works for me as an individual.

    I’m not big on “positive thinking” alone to get the job done. Fake it, till you make it works in some situations, not in all. I do it sometimes as in “work your show, girl.” Yeah, I know I’m cool but not everyone does nor ever will no matter what I do.

    “How about anytime I read you write something like “maybe they didn’t like me” or “maybe senior women are dufferen” -they’re not, they’re gorgeous.”

    That’s so kind of you to say.

    It depends upon how one defines gorgeous. Everyone is “gorgeous.” Or some are “gorgeous” and some are “gorgous frogs.” Most of my concerns aren’t about “gorgeousness” but looking good is always a plus.

    Talk to your senior women friends, get to know them and their concerns. I hope you won’t be “triggered.” Or if triggered, triggered in a way to power up brainstorming using wise woman power.

    I am feeling OK, at least as OK as anyone else here. I’m probably more OK than a lot of the younger women who are here on the blog.

    Perhaps I don’t belong on this blog but I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. I believe I can learn from all of you; I already am doing that. You might even find I have something to contribute. I’ve been around a block or two…

    I’m feeling a little stifled right now. If I experience anything that a 35-year old might not, dare I say it without anyone becoming triggered?

    So I’m getting out a yellow legal pad and writing my thoughts and feelings there. .

    I’m registered for the Cherry Norris call tomorrow. I’m expecting to glean some good stuff there.

    Really, Daria, you are sweet, I like you, don’t worry about me. I’ve been married once, maybe I’ll get married again. Or not. Either way I’ll be OK; I’m used to living as a single and I only recently decided to investigate “dating.”

    SLV



  323.  #323jacqueline on October 19, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    Daria – I’d like to get deeper – is this how to quiet a voice/thought or how to destroy a negative belief (because that’s what I’d call them, not voices) then? Or just how to put it away from oneself?

    RE: feeling messages – I agree with Brenda, that felt good. Of course I’m going to not be able to do something I’ve never done before.

    Siena – great question!



  324.  #324jacqueline on October 19, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    For me:

    I keep my promises. Always. No compromising. The number one thing that makes me feel good and worthy. If I promise you something I WILL deliver. Period. Not a single excuse in the world will keep me from it (except physical accidents or some such.)

    I honor my word – as in my promises and as in giving value and credence to my thinking. Believing it has value and even if I’m restating something that say – Nitsche- said before, I am adding to it’s value. For others, or for myself by clarifying, etc.

    (Even the one’s I’ve set up with myself – like to post on Mon/Wed/Fri. If I want to post between times that’s cool but it’s my word to myself to do the m/w/f.)

    I speak nicely to store clerks, etc. I cannot even enjoy the Denny’s anymore because of the waitresses wanting to tell me their stories, but if I go I listen. Same with girls at Walgreens, etc.

    I try to leave people I encounter feeling better – smiling at old people, waving, etc.

    I force myself to grow even when I don’t feel like it – for ex. it would be more fun for me to be reading vampire gore romance or walking on the beach at the moment, but I won’t grow in that environment.

    I work out three times a week (baring physical complications); I take vitamins/supplements; I sleep; I bathe, I do my hair, nails, toes…I honor my body, and treat it well. I appreciate and am amazed by my body – especially as I age. For example I can touch both hands flat on the floor – at 52. I love suppleness and I don’t want to loose it, although it is an effort.

    I have beauty in all of my environments – my artwork, my house, colors, paintings, yard, etc. I have no clutter, for me this takes away from beauty.

    I perform Reiki every day. I do both a protection for myself and a sending love. I love rituals, and I practice them when I feel moved to.

    I say random nice things to my boyfriend, in addition to making little notes every day, and never ever withholding sex for emotional reasons of any kind.

    I take care of my car, truck, etc. due diligence in life – my house insurance, taxes, etc. Checkbook balanced, etc. (est training stuff here) so that I am in integrity with life and it’s rules ( which are kind of like gravity).

    I daydream and/or fantasize.

    I honor my interest in fairy tales, Jungian psychology, tarot cards -subjects that deal with the advancement or journey of the soul. I give time and thought to the soul, other worlds, life after death, etc. I create a personal philosophy. I believe that my opinions are not only my opinions they are also researched and created not just out of thin air, but out of other’s experiences and research.

    I admit I make mistakes to myself, I don’t beat myself up.

    I apologize.

    I cook fabulously.

    I amuse myself, I entertain myself and don’t expect others to do that for me.

    I know that I am a child of G*d/dess and I honor all religions and choices.

    I know that my way is not the only right way and I work to appy an open mind.

    I allow myself to realize I don’t know, say I don’t know and be open to learning about what I don’t know.

    I don’t beat myself up verbally, and I don’t let others do it either.

    A start….interesting and kind of fun….

    thanks and off for now….

    J



  325.  #325Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    Jason,

    300: Jason Miller says:

    277: Daria
    286: Nikita

    I see your point, definitely. I was running under the assumption that you were giving him a chance from the beginning. I was assuming you were opening and connecting with him genuinely from the outset.

    -actually as I remember more…I WAS connecting with him….on a REALLY deep level….I still do….we just seem to have that…(on my side anyway)….but I did not feel any sexiness emanating from him….zilch.
    and really, Jason, seriously…. it was the snuggling. A makeout session followed by some snuggling and I was open to more…. of every man….I felt “safest” with him….for whatever reason…I did not get any promises….and I also “believed” at the time he was a TOTAL commitment phobe 😉 but I felt safe anyway…I felt in my bones…he would always be available for discussions and negotiations…..that he would communicate and consider the impact he was making…i basically thought he was a good guy. I also felt ….ready to be intimate with a man (after a long break 🙂
    he was there….respectful, and pursuing… so I just thought…”eff it” and did 🙂 even though I have major Libra triggers (dislike,distrust,)



  326.  #326Siena on October 19, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    Jason, “. He might be able to take care of that fear in you if he knows what it is.”

    Ooo! I like that thought a lot! Feels tingly. Thank you 🙂

    Daria and Brenda, thank you! I’m experimenting with different things. I’m so over not thinking highly of myself. That’s sooooo last year. 😀



  327.  #327Siena on October 19, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    And J too – food for thought! Thanks!



  328.  #328Renee on October 19, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    Jason — Forgive me if I’m a little dense today, but I’m operating on only 2 hours of sleep.

    When you say I may be settling, do you mean settling for someone I don’t really want or settling for less attention/affection than I want? When he was pursuing me, things were golden…then, after we got exclusive, he panicked and things haven’t really been the same since…he’s had a few days of the “good morning sweathearts”, but that was right after we started seeing each other again after the ‘break up’…right now, it feels like he’s just not thinking of me much at all and that feels bad.

    So…for the moment, I’m settling for less attention than I would like because I’ve seen what he’s capable of and I’m hoping that resurfaces. But right now (running on no sleep), it feels like it’s fading fast for him…

    We have plans for an all day date on Saturday, but I just cancelled our plans for tonight. I replied to his txt from last night with a txt this morning saying how wonderful I felt around him on Sunday and he wrote back, “Ha!!! That’s something, isn’t it???”, which totally shut me down and between that and the no sleep, I suspect I’d be a bear tonight or push him to talk about “us” when now’s not the best time for that, I think.

    My guy friend says I just need to play it like he did when he won me over initially — just be fun and upbeat, etc., but that’s exactly how I was Sunday and that obviously didn’t leave a lasting impression (no message until 9:30pm the next night). So I don’t know how to play it at this point…



  329.  #329Daria on October 19, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    SLV – a lot of ladies here are my senior woman friends! I also have many senior ladies in my Goddess group …

    what i’ve learned is – shockingly – age doesn’t MATTER when it comes to this stuff



  330.  #330Daria on October 19, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    SLV – i think MANY MANY women here are over 50. That’s the way it seems to me!

    theres a few of us under 40, but not most



  331.  #331Senior Lady Vibe on October 19, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    @240: Simply Shannon says:
    “SLV – Haha! Misspell a few words? Ack. ”

    Tee hee, just kidding….JUST KIDDING. 😆

    I wanted to let you know that. Now running up to read other posts…in passing just saw someone talking about POF. I want to know about that.

    SLV



  332.  #332Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    LG,

    RE: #321 – Repeatedly I have felt hounded for simply being myself. Unless I say things EXACTLY and PRECISELY the way you do, I feel hounded. It isn’t right.

    Sometimes femininity is silence, just letting someone else be who they are and leading by example. I feel far more inclined to use feminine feeling messages when I am left to observe and learn at my pace.



  333.  #333Daria on October 19, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    Feeling sad and unheard.

    i don’t want to feel unsafe here. i feel angry!



  334.  #334Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    Brenda,

    Did I tell you how to construct your sentences? I did not mean to tell you what to do. I don’t think I did but….. I expressed my feelings. I don’t believe I ‘felt controlled’ by you at all. I personally felt pulled on. I felt annoyed. But the sentences or rather the words “relax”, “chill out”, “get over it”…..these phrases have an energy that feels controlling. They look like commands…. what does it look like to you?

    EXample,
    Dear Brenda,
    Get over it, pettiness is just part of your experience right now. Relax you can’t control a bunch of women. You also can’t tell me what to do, so chill out.
    Here take a balloon,
    Nikita
    How does that look to you?
    Controlling is not “boy” voice, it’s just controlling.



  335.  #335Daria on October 19, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    Rori says:

    The challenging thing here is – we’re wanting to unearth our deeper feelings – even the “ugly” ones so that they DON’T run us – but what’s happening here is that we’re letting them RUN US!!! That’s what the Feeling Messages are for – to keep out judgment and stay with compassion. There is absolutely no way to express any opinion about anything another human does or says WITHOUT being judgmental. Not possible. So – thank you so to all, and I’m laying down the rule. NO JUDGMENT. When you feel triggered – as long as the person did not judge you – the stuff is YOURS…but if there was opinion and judgment, and you feel defensiveness…you don’t want to be reading that stuff. So – if I miss posts that are judgmental (and there are just so many, I can’t read them all) – just try not reading them. See how that works. that’s sort of the “walkaway.” Be your own “gatekeeper.” and those of you who write me to give me head’s up about what’s going on – bless you, and I’ll try my best to make this a safe place. We are using the “‘I’ formation’ – Feeling Messages. We are being GIRLS. Read the stuff on riffing (get help from Daria or some of the others who are really, really good at Riffing) – and get it out and vented THAT way! And let’s see how this works…



  336.  #336Daria on October 19, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    i felt really strongly compeleed to take out the parenthesis part where my name is mentioned, because i don’t want to be seen as trying to make myself important

    but eff that. I AM important dammit… i deserve to be BIG



  337.  #337Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    Knocksoftly,

    LURKERS? LURKERS?

    I was merely being playful.



  338.  #338Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 3:12 pm

    Brenda: I feel really sad. I get the sense that you are in a lot of pain right now. I don’t want to make you feel worse.

    I have seen many many examples of you being kind and supportive of sirens here. I really appreciate that side of you. I feel a kindness eminating from you at those times.

    I feel sad that you think I am hounding you. I want to be free to express my self as well. I feel certain we both want the same thing. How can we support each other in both feeling safe?



  339.  #339Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    Melody,

    I haven’t seen anyone respond to your question…But Renee seems to be the most savvy when it comes to managing dating sites…there is also a post all about OK.C…have you seen it? I don’t know anything about POF so I can’t be of much help to you….



  340.  #340Renee on October 19, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    Knocksoftly — I’m glad I’m helping you work through a trigger, but the question remains…when you know, you feel deep in your heart that you’re losing him, what do you do to turn it around? I know he’s capable of giving me the attention and affection I want because he’s done it before…some would say if the feeling was there before it can be there again, but can it?

    I feel sad, angry, fearful and empty.



  341.  #341Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    Brenda: it felt really bad to read you saying things like relax, chill out, and STOP YOUR BITCHING.

    It felt really bad.

    I’m not forcing you to say things differently, I’m just saying it feels bad to hear.

    I know that the part of you saying that is a part that is in pain right now. I want to have compassion for that pain yet I also want to stand up for myself when something doesn’t feel good.

    I feel open to hearing suggestions for how I can do both….be compassionate to you yet also be compassionate to myself. You made the suggestion that sometimes being feminine is being quiet. I feel uncomfortable stuffing my feelings when something feels bad. You also made the suggestion of leading by example. I feel good about that. I would like to experiment with that. Do you have any other suggestions?



  342.  #342Daria on October 19, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    Renee – Rori goes into this deeply… when things feel bad and it feels like he is slipping through our fingers,

    in order to attract him … we move our attention AWAY from him and OUT the Window, into things that energize us… and focus on our own life and CD

    this will draw him back in



  343.  #343Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    Renee: re…

    “…when you know, you feel deep in your heart that you’re losing him, what do you do to turn it around?”

    for me, I truly believe I create my own reality with my focus. So in that situation I would start telling myself a different story…a story that feels good.

    I might say something like…

    I believe that the universe is here to love and support me and give me whatever I want. There is no way I will lose him unless there’s someone even better out there for me.

    And I just keep telling myself good feeling stories over and over.

    Hope that helps 🙂



  344.  #344jacqueline on October 19, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    Quote: “just try not reading them” – when I said I was going to do this, Daria said she felt judgemental about my posts.

    Confusing. But I like this way to be here, and am claiming it as Rori sanctioned.

    KS – hope all is well!

    Brenda – sorry this day’s been hard on you….hugs!!!

    and a BALLOON which I know you love – actually a big bundle of em, and how about a dozen white roses thrown in? things that make you happy coming at you!!!

    J



  345.  #345Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    An example of that is…

    Today, my man left to go out of town for a week. As he was walking away, a fear came up “what if he gets in a car accident and I never see him again?”. So rather than dwell on that thought, I visualized him and his car wrapped in a yummy rose colored light, with angels at each corner of his car escorting him on his way.

    I figure if I can use my imagination to create things to worry about, I can use it to create things that feel good also.

    I feel good believing in magic.



  346.  #346Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    Siena,

    I feel curious about whether you have heard of David Deida’s book, Dear Lover ?

    Tinque seems to LOVE his stuff….she has Venus in Pisces…so maybe if you don’t already own it, I felt like sharing it as it is all about “opening”……. tinque…swoons…..over the flowery romantic way it is written…..
    but I feel an astrological connection here 🙂 I wonder when David’s B-day is?….mmm….I wonder if it’s pesces or a water sign…. 🙂



  347.  #347Daria on October 19, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    hmm… i feel misunderstood…

    i felt judgemental about the “how do we work with our nv’s question” …

    i felt unseen in that we have been working with nv’s all along, and that triggered judgement in me,

    like someone coming on blog and writing … hey, have you all heard of the Rori Raye blog? do you know where it is?

    not sure why this triggered me

    anyway it’s my judgement and trigger

    it’s an “impatient” thing i have when i judge people … i guess its a coverup for feeling unseen

    and misunderstood

    **

    well for me, i don’t plan on not reading certain people…

    but i do feel curious to experiment with Rori’s suggestion to not read things when it’s judgemenents and such…

    like Tinque who said she “can’t” not read triggering posts,

    i find it challenging,

    very attracted to my triggers of course

    **

    busy busy setting up a format for me to workout!

    yah!



  348.  #348Renee on October 19, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    Daria — That’s what I’m trying to do — that’s why I broke my date with him tonight because I knew I would feel needy and anxious around him and I know for sure that’s no way to win him over. I am focusing a lot on my work right now (taking a class in lead generation and working on lead generation) and am communicating with a couple of cd’s, but neither of them move me at all. There are a couple more that are hanging out out there someowhere, contacting me every few days, and they’re definitely not moving me since they’re not stepping up.

    Knocksoftly — I do know not to chase him (something I’ve definitely done with others in the past!) so that should be of some help, but other than backing off and focusing on myself, I don’t know what to do. Cancelling our date tonight seemed like the only option at this point…partially to protect myself and partially, I admit, to engender a response from him. I’m wanting him to wonder if he’s losing me and hopefully miss me…but at this rate, he may very well just forget about me until our date for Saturday, when he can trot me around like arm candy for a day at the races and the football game, which I don’t mind, but I just want him to feel the same way about me as he did during the last football game he took me to, when he told me he adored me….feeling sad again…



  349.  #349Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    Sigh,……I feel my “boy” working too hard…

    Siena,
    a link to show what I am talking about….this is my response to the question about raising value.

    Dear Lover:

    http://books.google.com/books?id=i7bRZcQ46EAC&printsec=frontcover&dq=David+Deida+Dear+Lover&source=bl&ots=-NHvpK5fua&sig=vzs827Ykpl3-Ol8KbeOkKkWpIWE&hl=en&ei=RR–TPmyH4mz8QbJ2tiVAQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=6&ved=0CDoQ6AEwBQ#v=onepage&q&f=false



  350.  #350Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    I’m realizing that hearing Nasty Voices just feels bad to me…whether they are my own nv’s saying bad things about myself, someone else’s nv’s saying bad things about them, or (and this is the part that gets confusing) my nvs saying something bad about someone else or someone else’s nvs saying something bad about me.

    It feels better to me to separate someone from their nv’s. If they say something that feels bad, it feels better to assume it’s their nv’s talking and not them. I don’t take any nv’s seriously, so if I remember it’s just their nv’s talking, then I don’t feel so triggered.

    I imagine their nvs are probably so loud in their head ad saying such painful things and the person is trying to stop their internal pain by lashing out at others.

    When I make the distinction between the person and their nv’s, then I can still feel compassion for the person even if what their nv said feels bad.



  351.  #351Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    Thanks NS! I really liked how you said this…

    ” LMAO-Not REALLY funny I chased him but it will be when I get some self esteem & look back on this 10 years from now”



  352.  #352Siena on October 19, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    Nikita, mmm, I love it!! I’ll order it, thank you! (I’ve heard of David, but havent read that)



  353.  #353Jason Miller on October 19, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    328: Renee says:

    Jason — Forgive me if I’m a little dense today, but I’m operating on only 2 hours of sleep.

    Of course!

    When you say I may be settling, do you mean settling for someone I don’t really want or settling for less attention/affection than I want? When he was pursuing me, things were golden…then, after we got exclusive, he panicked and things haven’t really been the same since…he’s had a few days of the “good morning sweathearts”, but that was right after we started seeing each other again after the ‘break up’…right now, it feels like he’s just not thinking of me much at all and that feels bad.

    I just mean that you might be settling for a situation that’s not working for you. Because he was willing to go exclusive and then freaked out about it means he thought he was ready when he wasn’t. He won’t move forward until his fear gets resolved.

    So…for the moment, I’m settling for less attention than I would like because I’ve seen what he’s capable of and I’m hoping that resurfaces. But right now (running on no sleep), it feels like it’s fading fast for him…

    We have plans for an all day date on Saturday, but I just cancelled our plans for tonight. I replied to his txt from last night with a txt this morning saying how wonderful I felt around him on Sunday and he wrote back, “Ha!!! That’s something, isn’t it???”, which totally shut me down and between that and the no sleep, I suspect I’d be a bear tonight or push him to talk about “us” when now’s not the best time for that, I think.

    My guy friend says I just need to play it like he did when he won me over initially — just be fun and upbeat, etc., but that’s exactly how I was Sunday and that obviously didn’t leave a lasting impression (no message until 9:30pm the next night). So I don’t know how to play it at this point…

    Do you want to talk to him about how he’s feeling about the relationship now? Maybe do it when you’re rested. I sure wonder what he meant by, “Ha!!! That’s something, isn’t it???”



  354.  #354Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 4:07 pm

    My boy energy is off to take care of my girl. It’s going to be productive and get some things done so that my girl can relax later tonight.

    See y’all later.



  355.  #355Amy F. on October 19, 2010 at 4:07 pm

    It seems I need lots of advice these days…

    One of my CD’s is just anemic – that’s the only way to describe him. We have been on two dates – months apart, he sends me stupid texts now and again, but he won’t go away. He’s not my type really, but really intelligent and would totally cherish me if it ever got there. However, he’s got some feminine energy – like he needs a kick to get things moving. I am not frustrated at all that he won’t step up. It’s like I felt a spark, but because nothing is happening, I’m just bored with it. How do I tell him without saying, the pace of this just bores me and I don’t want to go for boring coffee dates any longer. How do I express this? I am absolutely unattached to the outcome.
    THANK YOU



  356.  #356Daria on October 19, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    Amy – how about… I really like you and feel attracted to you, but the slow pace of this just bores me and i don’t want to go for boring plain old coffee dates any longer… what do you think?



  357.  #357Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 4:15 pm

    Hi Amy!!!

    did you see the link#354 for the book preview…i remember you were attracted by poetry stuff 🙂

    will you peruse, please…. and let me know?

    I’d love your input…



  358.  #358Senior Lady Vibe on October 19, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    @273: Daria says:
    “..wow i feel so judgemental of Jaqueline’s posts!…

    I find they are amazing and unlike anything else here on the blog. I’m learning to treat them with gratitude. At first I was sad when I read her post and perceptions that older divorced people have no joy in their lives until they find a mate and, then they don’t have long to enjoy it. I knew that’s not how I’ve lived.

    I was puzzled why someone would write something like and all the other stuff too. I know now it’s none of my business but…

    …being resourceful…and finding she was back I discovered I could make a healthy response. A facelife! I could probably use one. It took me by surprise. I was feeling a little afraid to read the post but I’m so curious i couldn’t resist. I saw this:

    265: jacqueline says:
    “…And I want to apologize to any of the women hear if I trigger/triggered their internal negative voices. I feel great compassion for those with that issue.”

    My mouth dropped open and my chin fell to my neck and I patted it up, up, up, up, up until my mouth was closed again. It felt good under my chin.

    And then I read:

    265
    “…I thought I was in an external conversation and that was my intention in being here, but so many people have these neg. voices, I was not factoring that into my side of the conversations….”

    And I went “Eeek-Eeek-Eeek-Eeek-Eeek-Eeek-Eeek-Eeek.” My cheeks tightened up, neck too! It lasted for a minute or so.

    I don’t get that kind of spa treatment everyday. It might not be good for feelings but perhaps my face will benefit.

    SLV



  359.  #359Amy F. on October 19, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    Daria-
    That response is perfect. He called me today and I need to call him back. I will just put this out there and see what happens-
    THANK YOU



  360.  #360Amy F. on October 19, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    Nikita,

    I am going to look at David Deida’s book now and thanks. Guess who showed up on my island? A screen-writer who sends a poem at the end of every email. Oh dear…this is my favorite kind of man-crack to smoke. I have learned so much about my patterns. Reading a book of poetry is exactly what I need to do so I don’t gush all over this man in my intoxicated state of mind and heart. Your request arrived just at the right moment. Thank you!



  361.  #361Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    Amy can I use the term “love-aholic” in place of recovering man-crack smoker 🙂 please? If not I am ok…I just feel so weird by “man crack”…. I remember real crack heads (brooklyn) and I dunno…how do you feel about-entering loveaholics anonymous ? maybe I can just work through this but loveaholic sounds so much prettier and gentle … 😉 sigh…..(off to mutter…)



  362.  #362Ella on October 19, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    Any advice on this one??

    2 of the guys who seem to have ended up in my CD-ing rotation, because they have both come forward and I liked them both, know each other…

    And it turns ou quite well. Ie: borrowing work tools from each other and they have been on stag holidays together in the past.

    I have been honest with both of them about my approach to dating, and they are both aware that the other is interested in me.

    I come from a small town where everyone likes to know everyone’s business. These two guys and I all like to drink at the same pub (the only decent one in town). Everyone else looks on and has an opinion.

    I am just feeling tight and worried that this is going to get too hot to handle and I don’t want to create tension or give the gossips fuel.

    Do I need to drop one of these guys from the rotation or what? I don’t know how to handle this.

    For those who have been following my posts these two are date guy (who did finally follow up on a promise to contact after being flaky – WHEN he heard about he other guy and me), and the other guy is Mr feel good (because he makes me feel good).

    Anyone experienced this before?

    Any advice will be greatly recieved. xx



  363.  #363Denise on October 19, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    Melody, on POF, your Sent box is accessed once you go on the page for your In box. You will see it on the third line, where it starts with My Matches.

    I cannot respond to your other question as I have not encountered that. Maybe it’s a security setting problem. Good luck!



  364.  #364Sofia on October 19, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    Woa, great posts. I got married, had a baby and all the good stuff. Prior to that I had been CDing and maximizing on all the positive energy, still am. So, what’s my goal now? marriage sounds like such an empty word right now (got separated 6 months ago but see him 3 x a week) when he picks up the baby who is nearly 2. I’ve been reading a lot and going out for fun. i haven’t met anyone I’d like to date yet…. and I don’t know if I want to date or wait till “the pond clears” I’m CDing myself -going out with friends, meeting new people, trying out new activities and it’s been great. I know it takes patience… anyone going through divorce?



  365.  #365Denise on October 19, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    Hi Ella, Was the Date flaky guy in the pub the one who kept talking to others? If it is, he may blab a lot. Are you feeling tight because you are afraid that everyone will know your biz? In a small town, they probably will! How may that make you feel, later down the road?

    I know I would be uncomfortable “dating” both, at the same time, but can you be friends with both? Do you think they will compare and contrast? How would you feel simply trying to date one, like Mr. Feel Good and then see what happens?



  366.  #366Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    LG,

    RE: #340 – That was a very kind, sweet message, and I really appreciate it!!!!!!!!!

    Yes, I am in a lot of pain. I am going thru hell in my personal life. It would feel so good if I could come to the blog as an oasis and feel the sisterhood more often than not.

    I am getting on board with feeling messages, and I am learning at a rapid rate. There are times when I just need to SPEAK and just speak freely, and I don’t like it when I feel pressured to say every single word in just a certain way. I DO that. I am learning. But please let me learn at my pace, in baby steps.

    Sometimes I just need to talk freely, to unload my heart.



  367.  #367Denise on October 19, 2010 at 5:25 pm

    Amy F -I love the phrase that your CD guy is anemic! Most of mine have been. They do not have enough blood to dial the phone usually.

    I hate coffee dates.

    I think that guys that offer that coffee are not for me.
    I do not even drink coffee!

    I feel that “drinks” are cheap.

    “Lunch” usually is an interview.

    Dinner = romance. Or at least someone who is willing to give you at least an hour or two.

    POF has plenty on their site, but not so tasty.

    I have had more guys take my number after a while or ask for it, and then never use it! Last week, I had that with one who I will call Judge Man, a professional Judge. Even him!

    One Marketing Man CD called me a few weeks apart, and made a date finally, for a few days later, then cancelled on text that afternoon. A guy in marketing who cannot market himself!

    So few of them follow through. Wha’s up with that?



  368.  #368Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    LG,

    RE: #343 – I feel deeply appreciative of your kindness.

    I was discussing this topic a couple times in the past with some of the same women, and it’s become somewhat of a raw nerve to me. I felt unheard in the past, and that’s another reason why my anger and frustration are compounded.

    I am told that my boy energy is triggering people. Yet Jason is not told that his boy energy is triggering people. So I suppose anyone would say, “Well, that’s because he’s a man. He’s SUPPOSED to talk with boy energy.”

    But that only underlines my conflict: I am being corrected because I am a girl. Therefore, it’s not boy energy that is the issue but a desire to control me that is the issue.

    Therein lies my anger and frustration.

    I love this blog and I love each lady and gent here. But sometimes it feels like a field of land mines in a war zone. Sometimes before I open the blog I do an emotional inventory to see how much emotional battering I can stand for, or if I want to.

    I understand the value of practicing feeling messages when there are triggers. But I find in my every day world, with non-Rori people, they take high offense if I make an issue of every little thing. I am learning to let some things go. I am learning to choose my conflicts.

    I observe Rori on the blog very keenly. Of course I know she is in a different function, more an overseer. Nevertheless, even when she gets involved in a conflict, she remains soft and nonbiased. She is SO diplomatic. I want to be more and more like her…in baby steps.

    Love ya,
    Brenda



  369.  #369Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    Brenda:

    I hear you that you want to come here as an oasis. So do I.

    And I hear your desire to speak quickly and not take time to formulate feeling messages. I understand that.

    I want this place to be an oasis…or in my own words, feel safe. An sometimes I feel so unsafe with your words. And I’m not saying that to force you to change because I know that there are plenty of other situations that will come up in the world where I feel unsafe. And I know I can’t get everyone to change to suit me. That’s not my intention.

    I dunno where I’m going with this. I feel really sad.

    I was feeling better towards you and then I saw an earlier post to me where you said “that’s not right” about my behavior and I feel so sad again.

    And I understand that even though I haven’t said the words to you “that’s not right” it’s still the message that you think I’m giving. You think I’m saying that what you are saying isn’t right.

    And I know how upset I feel right now hearing that and imagine you feel the same way.

    I feel really bad right now. Really upset. I feel discouraged. I feel so capable of making magic in so many areas of my life but not this one.

    I feel really sad.



  370.  #370Denise on October 19, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    Brenda, I hate hearing you are in pain.

    I know you are in a tough spot.

    I hate reading all the NVs.

    Sometimes I think expression get so convoluted, better to step back. The written word can be so difficult to interpret, especially since so much of a real conversation is at least 50% with non-verbal communication. We hear more when we see. On a blog, we are not that privileged.

    I don’t like all the jabs. I am not into drama. I imagine your tension is mounting from defending. I am reading what feels good to read. I respond to what feels good, too.

    Peace.



  371.  #371jacqueline on October 19, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    I feel misunderstood, too. I do not berate myself inside my head, so it was an aha moment when someone wrote me with some of the things they say to themselves inside their head. Negative voices sounds like someone speaking to themselves to me the way it is discussed. I may have a negative belief – but I don’t talk or think in that way where I chastise or berate myself. I wonder if a lot of people do, now that I am more aware of it.

    For example the other night right before I signed off I read someone say that suffering could not be her purpose – and I was so sad that someone was even thinking or feeling that. I started trying to find a way to present information and/or evidence that that belief could be disputed, changed and transformed.

    I often come here to see what people’s problems or issues are because it is my mission and blog purpose to find answers to such things. However, I am not a coach, not selling anything and am not equipped to help anyone in a dire psychological straight.

    I want to write about women’s happiness, particularly how it relates to aging and finding the next great happiness, or simply how to always have something to look forward to. I follow a blog called the Happiness Project and that women forwarded me some things that were also recently on Yahoo; they said that old age is when we feel happiest.

    That is not my experience, and for myself I never want to feel like all the best stuff is behind me. I don’t want my happiness to come from my past “glory days.” I want to continue to find ways to look with joy and anticipation at the years in front of me. Not in a goal setting way, but in an organic positive belief that old age will not diminish my ability to experience wonder and adventure and find it, nor limit me in seeking it out.

    I advocate joy – whether it is in imagining bouquests of breath- taking white roses, in a white bowl vase with purple stripes running on it and purple accents – a form of creative visualization, or in believing that the perfect man will appear and I will be happy with whatver time we have, or in using modern techniques such as hypnosis, mind meditations, Reiki, EFT, etc. These are things I write about on my blog.

    All paths that lead to joy are great. When there is not joy here, I try and figure it out. It triggers people, but I appreciate it when no one assumes I have previous knowledge of how people speak to themselves inside their head and just take me through some of Rori’s work in baby steps, or in a way that completes my understanding of it.

    I hope that by explaining myself it will make it more understandable why I participate here. More of who I am was shared in my ways I value myself earlier.

    I appreciate being able to witness growth, movement, triggering, etc. on the blog, and I become emotionally involved in the stories – and I really appreciate those who take the time to write me in a way that presents me with new paradigms, new information, new solutions, their stories, and more.

    Thank you all,

    Jacqueline



  372.  #372Dorothea on October 19, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    Okay, I am very spoiled!! I usually see and talk to LI at least once a day. Usually I get a text in the morning if we’re not waking up together. Today I haven’t heard from him at all. And in my mind he has died in a car wreck. But I am leaning back. At first I thought it was great to feel the pull of missing him and wanting him, and now I’m just worried. Is something wrong? Is he mad at me? Did he get hurt or is he dead? LOL. I just saw him last night. I feel crazy.
    But seriously, this is unusual. Perfectly normal but unusual. I worrryyyyyyy. I think he’s dead.
    I am leaning back tho:D



  373.  #373Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    Jacqueline,

    RE: #347 – Thanks! A dozen of blue and green balloons to you and a dozen of yellow roses! And a dozen of homemade chocolate chip cookies with WAY too much butter!!



  374.  #374Senior Lady Vibe on October 19, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    372: Denise says:
    “…So few of them follow through. Wha’s up with that?…”

    That seems like a lot of guys being flakey; is it something about that particular site or online dating in general? It seems at first thought, rude and disrespect because it’s unnecessary.

    It seems to me if a guy doesn’t want to call or see a woman there’s no reason to ask for a number or ask for date. Is there? I’d like to know about this. Is it some sort of masculine power play or are they all disorganized, or something else?

    SLV



  375.  #375jacqueline on October 19, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    Denise – Hi!!! Love the drinks is cheap and lunch is interview – totally what I did!! LOL…. and nice to see you here. I always feel like I learn a lot reading what your point of view – and it’s fun!!

    J



  376.  #376Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    Knocksoftly,

    Thank you! Right back at you!



  377.  #377Denise on October 19, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    Part of the online dating is that it’s something for anonymous people to hide behind. Don’t get me wrong, SLV there is a possibility of meeting someone fab but it is slim; I speak from experience. I have been doing it on and off more than ten years.

    Regardless of that, some are flaky, have no intention of ever meeting anyone, they are lonely, so just want to chat, some are afraid of their own shadow; in my case, many are looking for a booty call and very disrespectful. I always say Happy Fishing to that! Some simply want you to text them once they get the number. One guy kept asking me for more pictures. Ridiculous! One guy kept texting me for more than a month and never called, even tho’ I told him I do not like to text. One guy I told him I have to pay for texts so I only do it for emergencies. He wouldn’t stop. I spoke to him twice in a few weeks, and many months later, he still texts me. I ignore them, as I do not want to repeat myself. A masculine power play? Maybe. Maybe it makes them feel big when their pen– is small.

    It can be a part time job. But it is an option! And yes, there are plenty of seniors on it. Are you going to try it???

    The majority of guys on POF are not up to Grade A Prime Fish as far as I am concerned. Most cannot put together a legible, comprehensive sentence. But it is a free site.

    A few of my friends say that e-Harmony, one of the expensive sites are not for them at all; one is not renewing. One of my guy friends is dating a woman from that site for many months now, and I see a possibility of commitment for them! YAYYYYYY! Joy joy joy. Have to love a happy ending!



  378.  #378Denise on October 19, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    Jacqueline, I love your comment about “Advocating Joy”! Joy joy joy. I am into it. May I use it? It could be my new status update, or a tag line on my business card, LOL! Don’t we all need more happiness in our life?

    Thanks for the compliment. I like your insight and passion. Keep up the vision.

    Fun, is never ‘nuf (spelled backwards). Life is short. And getting shorter, even with my big kharma!

    I will look forward to your next interview! Keep on blogging.



  379.  #379jacqueline on October 19, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    @ Brenda – blue green and yellow – wow that sounds like a pretty color combo…and these cookies??? Yuuuummmmmmmm…it’s like an imaginary tea party, NO CALORIES!!!! whooo hoooo…..

    Thank you darlin and feel better….(((((((((Brenda in here))))))))))))

    You are simply experience the break down that leads to break through I think….AND there’s gonna be a fabulous break through.

    And congrats for being strong – just think If a certain person comes around how fabulous you will feel then! and if he doesn’t – how great you will feel when even more fabulous new man who is ALL THAT shows up!!! He will, He will, trust the HORSE, stay on the PATH….LOVE that tool!!
    J



  380.  #380Dorothea on October 19, 2010 at 6:01 pm

    I feel scared. I feel anxious. Am I being tested? I feel stuck in my head. The thought of dropping into my feelings and even eventually becoming bored with feeling worried and scared makes me feel GUILTY. Like I am a bad girlfriend if I don’t trip like crazy right now. Because he’s dead on the highway and I am at home leaning back. Ohhh this feels confusing and awful, but what I honestly want is to feel free to lean back!!



  381.  #381Denise on October 19, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    Speaking of old flames showing up (Daria and there was another) yesterday, as I believe someone said it was due to the planets… I saw the first guy I had a serious relationship from my initial internet dating foray, from about ten years ago. Seems like a lifetime ago. Guess what, he was peeking at my profile on POF! He looked good, still handsome. But I look better. Ha! He probably still wants me. He told me: “I was the light at the end of the tunnel”, for him. Yes, I was, but he was not mine. He couldn’t get to the end of my love tunnel, if you know what I mean! That was my chuckle of the day!



  382.  #382Denise on October 19, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    Dorothea, if it is any consolation, I too have not heard from my Perfect Man. We do not talk every day, it is not his style, and I am cool with it.

    It has been three days since my CD with my dad, and I am sure he is thinking I was out with another guy. He did not return my little texts, nor has he called. I know he is ok, even if he is hiding in his man cave. I focus on me. I did my goldie locks today! It looks fabulous.

    Is there something you can do to make you feel comfortable to lean back, and feel free?



  383.  #383Jeannette on October 19, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    Sirens, Is there any such thing as the perfect guy? Who has come the closest and how would you describe him?



  384.  #384Dorothea on October 19, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    i just did my dishes. i am just getting my house in order cuz i have new furniture:D I am just tripping and think that days off of talking need to be OK. I actually prefer him giving me the gift of missing him and I feel really guilty about it, because what if he’s dead or something?

    Anyway it’s only 7 and i keep looking over at my phone, which i wouldn’t even answer at this point because i feel NEEDY. haha. oh this feels hilarious.

    i’ll just keep coming back here to spam instead of leaning forward tonight, and admiring the beautiful roses he got me.



  385.  #385Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    LG,

    RE: #374 – Thank you for hearing me. I hear you saying you sometimes don’t feel safe with me. 99.9% of the time I do my utmost to be kind and loving. I hear you saying you are not attacking me.

    So if that is not your intention, I accept that and apologize if I was mistaken. And I just would feel really good if we could hug and make up…what do you think/feel?

    (((Laughing Goddess, Nikita, Daria, Shannon)))

    Love,
    Brenda



  386.  #386Denise on October 19, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    A Perfect Guy makes me feel adored, when I am with him, and even when I am not. He cherishes me, he supports me, he respects me. I could go on (and on), but really, I should stop after the first sentence! : D



  387.  #387Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    Jeannette,

    RE: #389 – I have a secret! I am secretly married! My husband is perfect, and I am PASSIONATELY in love with him…it’s Jes*s!!!!

    I hug my pillow at night and imagine it is him, and I talk to him, and when I get real quiet, he talks back! He is kind, loving, forgiving, understanding, a great listener, accepting, caring, protective, and he provides for me!

    He never yells at me, never cheats on me, is never self-centered, never hurts my feelings, always understands, and he is totally on my horse in helping me to do my P.O.P.! I love him with all my heart!



  388.  #388Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 6:25 pm

    Dorothea,

    You asked quite a few posts ago what everyone’s dream and goal was for a relationship. I meant to respond sooner.

    I want to be a wife. Ideally, I’d like children, but I am flexible on that, or I wouldn’t mind adopting children or taking his children if he is already a father. I want to be a team with my husband to help people…something in human services.



  389.  #389jacqueline on October 19, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    Denise that would be very cool if you used Advocating Joy – it’d be like paying it forward!!!

    Got the interview up! had to trick wordpress by sticking Jason’s pix in there to make it break into a paragraph – they say that’s a wp problem. Outsmarted!!! it! aha! but it did take 35 minutes….lol…

    see you all here later – or there, too?!!

    Take care everyone!
    J



  390.  #390Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    KS,

    Wha???

    357: knocksoftly says:

    Nikita….

    Whoooaaaa. I was skimming that book. And when I got to the sex part….I was like….WOW.
    I wanna be made love to like THAT! *Blushing & hormones raging* Giggle……

    page 133? where where??? (I own the book and yet I haven’t read THE whole thing….I got maybe half-way…it isn’t quite me 🙂
    but I appreciate it a lot!



  391.  #391jacqueline on October 19, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    KS – I’m sorry you feel so bad. Love yourself, that’s always first. And maybe go curl up and be a cat? or do something nice for yourself. And dispute the neg. voice! talk back! “Change is coming, I can do it, I’m resting up pampering myself here, cuz it’s gonna be good once I get there.” I read a thing last night that said to give yourself three YEARS to re-set your life….and feelings are fleeting. Tomorrow may be brighter. Hugs hugs hugs….

    J



  392.  #392tinque on October 19, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    NIkita – Yes that is indeed my favorite book of that genre. I highly recommend to any and all. David Deida, Dear Lover. If you’re NOT into the flowery language, try Blue Truth.
    xxoo



  393.  #393Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    Dorothea,

    awww you got roses 😉 aaawww…… sweet.



  394.  #394tinque on October 19, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    Jeanette – Yes indeed there is a perfect man, one who is perfect for YOU, not for me or anyone else but YOU.
    xxoo



  395.  #395Denise on October 19, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    Thank you Jacqueline, I just did use “Advocating Joy!” as my status. It feels right. Great words to live by. I will strive for it!

    Isn’t it great to survive technologies little foolish games?! Good to teach ourselves new tricks!



  396.  #396Jennifer on October 19, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    Hey Shannon…get your gloves on
    I got denied.
    I FB’d judo man to say i couldn’t come to class since it’s my friend’s Birthday and we’re going out. And since I seem to be suffering from the Pon Farr…I felt i should wait till thurs.

    He replies
    “Well, good luck with the Pon Farr … I hope it involves the non-fight-to-the-death solution. 😉 ”

    I feel like I can’t even give it away right now.
    However …… my roomie says I wasn’t clear enough.
    He’s more afraid of rejection from me that I am from him….she says.
    I feel like this is trigger city here………..
    Like…wow…the horniest dude I know doesn’t want any of this.
    Fantastic.
    Oh, look ……there’s a whole loaf of foccia bread and olive oil dipping sauce.
    Carb loading makes the pain go away.
    Frig.
    Roomie says you have to hit men over the head with it.
    You have to be like…….nice shoes…wanna Fck?
    She says women are like fire…all the conditions have to be right. Men are like fire fighters, no matter where they are they are ready in two minutes.
    I have to unlearn stuff I guess.
    B hated it when I was too direct.
    It seemed to freak him out.

    Oh look foccacia bread.
    More carb loading



  397.  #397Rose on October 19, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    Dorothea,

    I would probably just call or text just to see if he was ok, since you are used to hearing from him daily…

    I know it is leaning forward but maybe a balance of both is ok?



  398.  #398Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    Tinque,

    wow…I remember you suggesting Blue truth before…and I think I looked at it and preferred the cover of Dear Lover (I am so visual) or maybe Blue wasn’t in stock? dunno…but I remember researching both and CHOOSING Dear Lover …! maybe patience would have helped…. (why I didn’t finish it is a looooong story with lots of twists) the book and I have been reunited(yes we were separated) for 3 months? I keep it in my bedroom but……sigh…I dunno…. David hasn’t made a move yet 🙂
    but I love looking at the cover…. (giggles) seriously….wow….. I really love that cover!!!



  399.  #399Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    KS,

    aaw 🙁 sorry. Hope you feel better sooner than later…



  400.  #400Gigi on October 19, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    Rori,

    Just wondering…

    Would you include the comment # of the person you are responding to next to your entries, so that it is easy to find her original question?

    Thanks,

    Gina



  401.  #401Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    mmmmm…… focaccia 😀 yum!!!!

    yes….. I would say….. sigh, I am peaking and I am probably going to have to hold tryouts ….. unless the horniest man I know can be counted on for service.
    blink..blink…blink…. If I don’t fu*k in the next 24 housr…I may be driven to set the dojo on fire….feel like being a hero?

    oh wait!!!! I have one that is purrrfect for you!!!
    I once used it……I looked into his eyes, smiled and said:

    “hey cowboy… 😉
    save a horse ride a nurse”. (LOL!!!)

    it was at halloween(i was a nurse) ….and I said it to a very famous actor 🙂 really 🙂 (no, I did not sleep with him)(he did go into shock but I think he liked it…I ran off so …dunno.



  402.  #402Dorothea on October 19, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    Rose, it is very unlikely he is hurt or dead.
    I think this is a pivotal moment where we both stretch out with the freedom to live our lives. It’s only been 24 hours since I spoke to him.

    spam-spam-spam the blog
    don’t pick up the phone

    warily warily warily warily
    i just hate to feel alone



  403.  #403Rose on October 19, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    LOL you’re cute Dorothea!



  404.  #404Daria on October 19, 2010 at 7:03 pm

    dear Floating Journal – i feel better. i ate cornmeal mush cake and melted cheese with fungii on it

    i feel more powerful

    i am still hungry!

    i did my beginning secret workout this morning, and i bet that’s why

    i want to feel happy!

    theres some things im afraid to do – reach out to people about business things, and things about the metal bar people

    im sad ! about this

    i dont feel happy easy or free about them… i Want to feel happy easy and free

    i’m tired of judging oshun i made progress here!

    yay]
    i love my sad feelings too

    thank you for being here

    and that feels like a sigh

    i love my sigh

    and that feels like sleepy

    i love my sleepy

    and that feels

    like sigh

    i love my sigh

    and that feels like smile

    and sigh

    i love my smile and sigh

    and that feels like

    melting shoulders
    and hmmf

    i love my melting shoulders and hmmff

    and that feels like…

    fear…

    i love my fear…

    and that feels like

    sigh

    i love my sigh

    and that feels like

    smile and melt

    i love my smile and melt

    and that feels like

    sigh

    i love my sigh

    and that feels like

    smile and lift and brightened eyes

    i love my smile ad lift and brightened eyes

    and that feels like sigh

    i love my sigh

    and that feel like giggle

    i love my giggle

    and that feels like bigger smile

    i love my bigger smile

    and that feels like giggle giggle

    i love my giggle giggle

    and that feels like

    burping

    i love my burping

    and that feels like

    hiccup

    i love my hiccup

    and that feels like

    giggle

    i love my giggle

    =)



  405.  #405Rose on October 19, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    I’m sure you’ll hear from him…I think your post triggered my worry wort feelings..

    I need to work through not worrying so much…



  406.  #406Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    403: knocksoftly says:

    Nikita….
    Starts on page 13. Wow!!!!

    oh..yeah…the WHOLE book is like that…. it can be a very vulva plumping experience (omg-did I just write that?)
    could be mentally orgasmic for the ladies that swoon for love letters and poems 🙂



  407.  #407Rose on October 19, 2010 at 7:21 pm

    Knocksoftly, this is something I have been concentrating on a lot since I found this blog…
    Dating yourself, to me means doing everything that makes YOU happy..
    Taking up any hobbies you always wanted to do, reconnecting with friends, maybe making new ones…
    Even spending time at home doing nice things for yourself, a bubble bath, a manicure, watching a great movie…
    Shopping for something nice for yourself…Anything that makes you focus on you and only you!!

    which makes me think, I will now do my nails, humm red or black? maybe black..:-)



  408.  #408Dorothea on October 19, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    he called
    i was stuck on the toilet and i hear his ringtone
    hah
    i’m like nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo damn you, bodily functions!



  409.  #409Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    Brenda: I would like to hug and make up.

    I wasn’t attacking you. I did feel triggered by some things you said and I was trying to work through those triggers…not so that I could change you or make you wrong but so that when a similar situation comes up, I am better equipped to handle it. I can understand that it might seem like an attack when someone feels so triggered by your words.

    I feel really sad right now. I just feel so sad. I feel so sad when my words aren’t taken as I intended when I said them. I feel so sad reading some comments here today. I feel really sad that Rori encourages up to process in a certain way here, and then people who don’t understand it call it taking jabs. It feels bad. Like opening myself up to be vulnerable and then being made fun of.

    I know I keep repeating myself but I just feel really sa right now. I feel worried that this isn’t the oasis I once thought it was earlier either.

    I feel disappointment. I feel discouraged.



  410.  #410Rose on October 19, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    Dorothea you are hilarious :o) :o) Well I feel glad you heard from him!!



  411.  #411Dorothea on October 19, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    The call –
    Him: Hello
    Me: Hola
    Him: How are you?
    Me: I feel good
    Him: You feel good? Did you have another productive day? How was work?
    Me: Yeah it was really productive.
    Him: It feels REALLY good to hear your voice
    Me: I missed you…
    Him: Yeah? You missed me? I miss you too. I am going to come pick you up right now.
    Me: OK! That would feel really nice.

    😀

    Bye ladies



  412.  #412Senior Lady Vibe on October 19, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    @383: Denise says:
    “Part of the online dating is that it’s something for anonymous people to hide behind. Don’t get me wrong, SLV there is a possibility of meeting someone fab but it is slim; I speak from experience. I have been doing it on and off more than ten years.”

    Thanks for the info and candid opinion; it’s appreciated. I’ve been thinking I might try online dating sites eventually say within next year. I’m far from ready. With slim pickings maybe I can learn something from the process.

    SLV



  413.  #413Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    Knocksoftly,

    Dating myself for me means dressing up as if I’m going on a date, then going out in public…with the potential of meeting men…and doing something special with myself! That could be a day trip to the shore, walking on the beach barefoot. That could be going out to eat. That could be hanging out at a bar. That could be walking in a park.

    I may or may not meet a single man. But I am practicing my Sirenness, visualizing Rori’s tools for femininity, long eye contact to men for practice, smiling at men for practice…and just getting out, being around people.

    I hope that helps.



  414.  #414Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    This is probably a scammer, but here is an introductory letter I got from a CD. Sure sounds ideal…

    Your profile and pix caught my attention.Though we might be miles apart.I’m charmed with what you wrote on here.I’m compassionate,matured,considerate,Honest,Caring, and Romantic.I am looking for the love of my life. The one I cannot stand to be without for even a second. I’m looking for the dreamy type of love, few of us ever get to know. I am a gentle man, but I can be very intimidating if needed to be. I would like to know the kind of beauty that is expressed in all ways,spiritual,physical,emotionally and intellectually. I am not very demanding, I believe in letting life flow naturally, I don’t force things. Life is a dance and I am seeking my dance partner. A relationship should be 50/50 anything else isn’t acceptable. I am not pretentious, nor do I like people who are.I would like to add that I only seek serious inquiries – about me -if you are not for real – please don’t waste my time.Willing to invest myself in getting to know you. I feel after talking,then meeting in person you can tell if there is chemistry and common interest. When you look people in the eyes you can tell alot about them and if they are being truthful.If you care to know anything about me feel free to send me an email at XXXX@yahoo.com or send me IM on YM my ID XXX I’m online now I’m new member on this dating service, If you didn’t see my pictures contact me via email so i can email you some pics of me Thanks i will be awaiting your response.



  415.  #415life_is_too_short_to... on October 19, 2010 at 8:12 pm

    345. Daria says:

    “Renee – Rori goes into this deeply… when things feel bad and it feels like he is slipping through our fingers,

    in order to attract him … we move our attention AWAY from him and OUT the Window, into things that energize us… and focus on our own life and CD

    this will draw him back in”

    The more I get clear on how the energy coming

    from The Guy i have my heart set on actually feels for me, and how

    it’s registering on the

    “giving meter” (i’m feeling 20% ? sorry, that’s

    not gonna cut it)

    the easier it is to “cut bait” and prevent myself from getting my energy drained,

    by NOT reverting to leaning forward and overfunctioning by rescuing, mommying, being his therapist or transition specialist, or telling him what to do,

    and shifting the focus to my other projects, interests, family, friends, plans, goals, everything else I value and that is meaningful and important to me.

    (But the more you keep sleeping with them and bonding, ( part of the “man-crack” phenomenon) the harder it is shift when you want to)

    If my HS old flame long distance guy is serious about wanting to see me (as he has been saying) because he is genuinely interested in more than just friends with benefits,

    i have figured out a way to put it on the table, when he brings up the subject again, that will enable me to discern that in a nanosecond!!

    Depending on which way he responds
    I will know what his intentions are, and then it will be easy to either try to continue to explore the relationship or walk away.

    This may sound like a no-brainer to you, and it is much easier with guys you just met, but with more complicated relationships where you have to be very vigilant about your boundaries and not falling into old patterns, it’s a challenge!

    unzip my heart to RECEIVE….zip up my mouth to stop from too much GIVING

    I’d love feedback, comments from anyone that is moved to….and that goes for any of my communications…

    Thank you

    LITS T



  416.  #416life_is_too_short_to... on October 19, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    I mean it is a complicated relationship because it is

    triggering so many things all at once and challenging

    me so strongly on my patterns, my boundaries, my

    beliefs, my negative voices, what i really want…..i

    truly feel i have been given a tremendous gift and the opportunity to make huge changes in my life.

    Discovering Rori’s material and the blog could not have come at a better time

    LITST



  417.  #417Jeannette on October 19, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    Girls, I have an unresolved issue with my ex long distance boyfriend. He broke my heart just short of a year ago writing me a letter that it was over in a Thanksgiving card. We had a relationship for 2 years. We cried every time he left me to go back home. It was sweet but I could tell he was lonlier then me but wasn’t ready for me to move down near him. Once in awhile he will send me a email and ask how I am. I have written him a email a couple of times and he answers immediately when he gets it. I know he cares just not enough…..so, I just moved on. My current love reminds me a lot of my long distance oddly enough….he’s just financially poorer then the other one. He grew up about 100 miles from the other one…from the south. My current one is sweeter, they are both shy. Pretty weird I know……



  418.  #418Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    Okay, I am going to try and rewrite part of what I wrote to you Brenda. When I reread it, I could hear some judgement in what I was saying.

    I really want to learn to communicate my feelings in a way that doesn’t trigger defensiveness in others. Sometimes when I try to communicate my upset feelings to my love, he gets defensive and we end up in an argument. I really want to improve my communication. So I’m going to try again.

    Brenda, would you be willing to let me know if the second try feels less triggering?

    First try…
    I feel really sad right now. I just feel so sad. I feel so sad when my words aren’t taken as I intended when I said them. I feel so sad reading some comments here today. I feel really sad that Rori encourages up to process in a certain way here, and then people who don’t understand it call it taking jabs. It feels bad. Like opening myself up to be vulnerable and then being made fun of.

    I know I keep repeating myself but I just feel really sa right now. I feel worried that this isn’t the oasis I once thought it was earlier either.

    I feel disappointment. I feel discouraged.

    Do over…
    I feel so sad right now. I feel sad that I didn’t communicate in the way I intended. I really wanted to communicate my feelings and have them heard. I can see that the way I said it triggered some defensiveness in you and others. That feels bad. I don’t want to push others away with my words. I just so want to be heard. I feel sad that I wasn’t able to do that. And I feel sad that there seems to be a disconnect between us.



  419.  #419Daria on October 19, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    Life – your breakthroughs sound great… im a little concerned that this thing you’ve come up to “test” him may be overfunctioning (as testing is)

    i feel curious what it is though?



  420.  #420Jeannette on October 19, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    Girls…I have more…..40 years ago I first met my current squeeze. I met him after I became a unwed mother…I was 16. I saw him in school and it was haunting. His eyes and face reminded me of the infant I had to give up. Very sweet and innocent. Then we broke up…..40 years later he resurfaces….after breaking up with my long distance. Again, he haunts me….reminds me of the one who broke my heart…my long distance….sweet and from the south….Is this weird, is this crazy? What is the message here? I am still trying to put it all together. We’ve been together now 6 months or so. It rather feels spiritual…God sent…but I’ve told you it’s less then perfect……



  421.  #421life_is_too_short_to... on October 19, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    OK Daria, he has been mentioning coming up here or me going down there, for a weekend or whatever. If we do that, we are going to end up sleeping together, and I don’t want to do that before I feel more loved, happy and secure with him.

    So, when he says “I want to see you, come down here, (or i’d like to come up there” I am going to say, since we haven’t seen each other in so long, how about meeting somewhere halfway just for the day to get together and have a fun time.

    And then I am going to zip it and see what he says.

    If he doesn’t go for it, I know I don’t have a deal.

    What do you think?



  422.  #422Brenda on October 19, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    Thanks, LG,

    I feel really receptive to that. I appreciate your effort in open communication. That feels good.

    I want to go to bed. I am too tired to spend two or three hours doing laundry, yet I have nothing to wear tomorrow. Is it okay if I call off tomorrow and do the laundry then? I already took a one hour nap and I’m still tired.

    That part was just thinking out loud…not really to you, LG. Just half asleep here. I’m going to bed. I just can’t do it all.

    Love and hugs to all the Sirens and Heroes. Sweet dreams!
    Bren



  423.  #423Jeannette on October 19, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    Oh no Brenda…I would’ve appreciated your thoughts….being so spiritual and all!…….oh well, good night sweet siren…..



  424.  #424life_is_too_short_to... on October 19, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    Jason doesn’t seem to think testing is overfunctioning but a necessary part of figuring out if they share your values, etc. and i dont know about anyone else, but being on the same page with a man vis a vis values and wanting the same things is going to contribute to making me feel more happy and secure…..

    i mean, Rori’s simple statement about all you have to know is if you feel happy, secure and loved with them, and that’s it!! may sound simple but it really isn’t. OK, it may be simple but it is not easy, otherwise we wouldnt be here.

    a big part of why you feel happy, secure and loved with a man goes a lot deeper than my dog making me feel happy, secure and loved. Do you know what I mean?



  425.  #425Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 8:55 pm

    LG,

    It sounds nice but …..it feels small. I feel dunno…. I do get it as being way more innocuous than the first but I dunno….maybe it is just something with me…. I would love to see more input/feedback. (i also enjoy dissecting things, but not frogs)



  426.  #426Daria on October 19, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    LG – the first one sounded better and more honest to me

    the second one feels more thinky and directive



  427.  #427life_is_too_short_to... on October 19, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    have you seen this? it’s been around for a while, i still love it

    PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people
    mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.

    http://www.postsecret.com/

    one of them has a picture of a woman bungee jumping and the caption says
    “I only jumped so I would have a reason to call him”

    hahahaha



  428.  #428Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    Thanks for your feedback Brenda. Sweet dreams.

    Nikita: you thought it felt small? Hmmmmm I can see that. I’d like to find a way to communicate that doesn’t trigger defensiveness in others also doesn’t belittle myself. I’m trying to take personal responsibility and not blame. Any feedback is welcome.

    I bought dear lover too but didn’t make it very far. Too flowery for my personal taste. I did just buy a bunch of books about shamanism the other day and they are rocking my world.

    My ram is out of town for a week. Missing him but happy for a little space to focus on myself.

    Just did a little cd-ing at the health food store. Got asked out by this guy who seems very interesting. Declined tonight and then he invited me out for breakfast. He had this super cool wolf dog with him. I went over to pet the dog and we hit it of from there. He’s very interesting. He’s a magician, not by trade but in spirit. I may go out to breakfast with him. Not really interested romantically but he’s an interesting guy and makes me laugh.

    I kinda like dissecting frogs. Is that weird?



  429.  #429Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 9:22 pm

    Thanks for the feedback Daria. Gosh, I feel confused now. When I share my anger with LI, it usually triggers defensiveness in him and it happens to me here too. So want to find a better way. Any suggestions?



  430.  #430melody on October 19, 2010 at 9:25 pm

    Thanks Nikita, for suggesting Denise to help with the POF issues…



  431.  #431Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 9:26 pm

    Daria, what felt directive about it? I feel fear that I will never find a way to communicate my feelings so they will be heard. I don’t know if this is a Gemini thing or what, but it’s huge for me to feel heard. It drives me crazy when I’m not. Maybe I should just give up on it. Maybe it’s just about me hearing myself. I dunno.



  432.  #432Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 9:37 pm

    Oh Daria, I heard about something happening in SF that you might really like. I went to it up here and the facilitator was trained in SF.

    It’s called Games Night and it’s about authentic relating. We played games that kind of push our comfort zones with being authentic and staying connected with people. I noticed that I had a little bit of a headstart from working on the things we do here. It was pretty easy for me to express my feelings and be in the moment. It was still a little bit challenging but in a safe and structured way. We practiced being present with another, looking people in the eye, expressing what is truly going on for us in the moment without judgement. I had a lot of fun.

    I’ll find the website so you can check it out if you want.



  433.  #433Deb on October 19, 2010 at 9:46 pm

    Ella,

    I am in the same situation right now! I feel relieved. I feel satisfied to have a reason to post on this blog that I read all the time (love you, Sirens!).

    I admire you for not giving in to what other’s think. But I share your worry for an undeserved label or reputation… well at least I know that’s a fear from my own past.

    I met both guys through swing dancing, and I know they are friends, but I don’t think they talk much… I feel suspicious that there is a history there.

    I don’t want to drop either right now because they are both being awesome CDs! Planning fun dates, picking me up in fancy cars, and making me feel like the babe I am 😉 And *they* have been the ones to bring up future stuff and offer up all kinds of information – like they’re on a job interview! I love it – this is so new to me 🙂

    I am unsure about how much to say/not say about dating others. My hunch tells me that I should not divulge, but part of me feels that I’m holding back because me and Mr. ShimSham (its a dance – lol!) talk *a lot* about feelings, hypothetical future scenarios, what we want from a relationship, fears, etc. We almost had an awkward moment when a friend of his joined us for a group outing who had seen me out w/ the other guy (lets call him “Shag” – another dance – hehe!) the night before. I worry that he told ShimSham that I was out with Shag and that I will be judged. I felt this ashamed, sinking feeling in my stomach…

    Part of me hopes that this would inspire some healthy competition, no? I mean, they might have figured it out already… last week at swing they were competing for my hand and attention, bringing water over, etc… but that was before I’d actually gone out with Shag. Now, this week, what do I do if he starts putting his arm around me at swing night? What do I say if they directly ask me about the other? Help! I feel overwhelmed and lost… unconfident like I will mess this up… Do I just walk away early to avoid the who-walks-me-to-my-car dilemma??

    I feel better now that I’ve vented… Sirens I love you and this blog so much… you have no idea how much you’ve helped me and how far I’ve come. In 2 months I’ve gone from rock-bottom pining after a narcissist player to juggling 6 CDs! THANK YOU!!!

    <3 Deb



  434.  #434Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    LG,

    ooooooooh-shaman books 😉

    uh-yeah, I didn’t see the directive aspect Daria saw so I’d feel very interested in hearing her expound but it felt just mildly self-blaming….just a little…..timid, maybe…. shaking leaf? the first did feel more honest to me but…I could see how it might trigger a little defensiveness…..but not really…I thought it was magical until you began reworking it….then it got smaller somehow….it cowered!!!!!! that’s what I felt!!!! omg…. okokok…….. sigh ……



  435.  #435Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 9:49 pm


  436.  #436Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 10:01 pm

    I was doing laundry….(I do ALL of the laundry)….and I was thinking that this leaning back is great practice for when you live with someone(a man). I get my alone time while he is working….. and I do a few chores when he is home…. so I am busy doing things that feel good…(yes, I enjoy laundry) to me….I am being….He works a bit at home…. does his “boy” thing… forums? and other “boy” stuff….. we meet in the kitchen and smile….flirt……and then go back to our own thing…this works for me. I have all of the mental space I want…. well, not really-puppies take up space…. but …..well, we are both sort of Loners and somehow we have been able to do “togetherness” our way. I love hearing his footsteps….seeing him around the house…. I really love it….it feels so peaceful…. he checks on me gives me a kiss and then goes back to doing whatever…tinkering…t.v…..playing with pup…..I love it…. I think that if I was always in his face-pulling on him…asking him questions, demanding attention or trying to get his attention…he would be annoyed….I am sure of it…and the feeling is mutual 🙂



  437.  #437Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    LG,

    cool 🙂 thx for the link…. I wish it was on the east coast 🙁

    Maybe I have to come to San Fran 🙂



  438.  #438melody on October 19, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    Hi Denise,
    Thanks for the information. I tried changing my security settings, etc. but it didn’t seem to change anything.

    I had seen the “Sent Msg” heading I think you were talking about, but whenever I’ve open it, it’s empty…it shouldn’t be because I did send several messages back. I was using the Send Quick Message button, but then it would throw me down into where all the smiley icons are and say I had to type in those security codes. Which I did. Several times, just to see what would happen. Nothing… Looked it up in their help menu and it said blahblah about making sure you aren’t a scammer…
    I am new to that site and one of the men who wrote to me said something about J*sus and his faith being important to him, so when I wrote back, I said something about J*sus, too…I wonder if that’s what the issue is?…he was the first person I replied to. Then none of my other messages have gone through either. I know Rori moderates comments if J*sus name is used.

    Anyway, then when I got home, I saw that his message and his photo are not anywhere in my account! At all! Did he delete himself??!! 🙂 Did they delete him? Surely not…
    My sent message box is still empty.
    So I sent another message to one of the men I’m not interested in so I didn’t seem like a goof to the ones I do find interesting…:) and the same things happened…

    I feel manipulated. That may sound funny but I feel very aware of that feeling… interesting… it will be interesting for me to learn whether that feeling is valid or not!

    Anyway, I’ll wait to see what happens in the next day or two.
    I guess I can always close the account.

    Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? I’m new(er) to online dating.

    Denise, you are really so helpful!
    Thanks for sharing your experiences with us.



  439.  #439Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    Nikita: ya, the shaman books are blowing my mind. The one I’m reading right now is Courageous Dreaming – How shamans dream their world into being by Alberto Villoldo.

    I’ve been feeling a little bored in my life lately. I used to put so much energy into men. Daydreaming, making myself beautiful to attract them, blah blah blah. Now that Im in a solid relationship, I feel a little bored. I don’t know what to do with all that energy that I used to focus on men.

    I want to follow my bliss but I’m not quite sure what it is.

    I feel really inspired by shamanism. I feel excited to explore different realms of consciousness. I feel excited to be able to see energy and the grid that ties us all together.

    Has that been an issue for you at all? Feeling unsure of what to do now that you’ve found the relationship you want?

    And again, thanks your insights. I’m feeling a little confused. Need to let this perculate a bit.



  440.  #440Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    Oh Nikita, I feel a little jealous hearing that you have enough mental space. That’s the main challenge for me in my relationship. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with how much attention he pays to me. I’m a bit of a loner too. Need alone time to recharge. It’s my dream to be able to puddle around the house and do our own thing. I’m going to try leaning back while we are together in the house and see what happens. I seem to think he’s the one always engaging with me but when I’m honest with myself, I can see that I am also instigating lots of it. Oooooo this feels exciting! I just created what I call the goddess temple and it’s my office, creation station, beaudoir, my magic space that I can go to and I told him that it’s something that I always want to have no matter where we live. He agreed to it.



  441.  #441Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 10:36 pm

    KS: I can totally relate to the victim thing and feeling stuck. The book I’m reading right now discusses that in detail. Being a victim and wanting to get rescued.

    I feel bad hearing you say you haven’t made any progress. Is that really true? Really? Honestly?



  442.  #442Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 10:41 pm

    I wanna hear about the progress you have made. I know there’s something. You’re disconnecting from a man that didn’t feel good. That’s progress.



  443.  #443Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    You’re creating space in your life for cool things to come in. That’s progress!



  444.  #444Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 10:48 pm

    NS:

    Ya, that makes a lot of sense to me. I can relate.

    Something that worked to help me get motivated today is, I concentrated on letting my boy energy take care of my girl. Like I had a romance going on inside of me. My boy was so focused on taking care of the practical things so my girl could relax this evening and lush out and read her books and blog.

    Also, I am trying to repeat the mantra to myself “feel good now”. It’s something Abraham says that our only job it to feel good now…right now…in this moment. So I just keep consciously redirecting my thoughts and focus to what feels good right now. I’ve been feeling lots of sadness today and this little mantra is really helping. If I notice myself going down a thought pattern that doesn’t feel good, I just keep redirecting it.



  445.  #445Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 10:52 pm

    LG,

    A lot of my dating energy is being poured into this puppy.

    I did a lot of talking in the beginning with him…..and he would notice that when I was talking a lot I was nervous……as I began speaking less he perceived that as me relaxing and becoming more comfortable with him. He would just call me on it…..I wasn’t aware of it…..but I did 🙂 the first defense is if I’m talking I’m not kissing 😉 and if we aren’t kissing I don’t have to worry about the other stuff lol
    So I feel like a house that is beginning to settle into it’s foundation after being built…..
    They are pretty fired up all the time and don’t need any stimulation-I find my silences to be more stimulating and intriguing for him- ha!



  446.  #446Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 10:54 pm

    I know he changed his number but I also heard you say earlier today that you were feeling yourself letting go of him cuz you know you deserve to be treated better.

    I dunno though. What if you didn’t even let go of him per se but let go of the relationship you had. Just let that old dynamic between the two of you die but retain your live for him, as a human being as a kindred soul.

    Maybe even do a burial ritual where you cut the ties of your old relationship. Just let it all go so something new could can come in with him or someone even better.



  447.  #447Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 10:57 pm

    Oooo I feel excited about that! A ritual for letting go of the old dynamic between the two of you. That sounds exciting! How does it sit with you?



  448.  #448Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 10:59 pm

    Nikita

    “They are pretty fired up all the time and don’t need any stimulation-I find my silences to be more stimulating and intriguing for him- ha!”

    yes yes yes! I feel so excited to try this!

    So u are a Scorpio? I thought cancer?

    I know this Scorpio man that is so damn sexy!



  449.  #449Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 11:00 pm

    Nikita: did u guess it was Jason’s birthday based on clues you picked up from how he writes his posts?



  450.  #450Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    NS re 464

    wow! That feels like a really deep and profound discovery!



  451.  #451Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 11:08 pm

    Any ideas for the ritual? I dunno. It sounds like an opportunity to get creative.

    My friend buried all the items she had from him in the ground and the burned a candle on top of the “grave” and when it was done burning, everything was cleared.

    But maybe you could do something more symbolic. Like write all your negative feelings about the relationship on a piece of paper and burn it. And then have a birth celebration for the new relationship that is coming in.

    Maybe plant a seed that represents the new you you want to create and then water it and nurture it and watch it grow.

    Or….. There are so many possibilities!



  452.  #452Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 11:12 pm

    Wow! I’m still reeling over what you said about holding yourself back so you don’t outgrow him. I can see some aspects of that happening with me. I’m more interested in personal growth type things than my LI. It’s really my passion but I can see a part of me is scared to outgrow him and that may be why I’m feeling kinda stuck in my life right now. Feeling kinda bored.

    Thank you so much for sharing that. I know it was about you bit it really helped me as well. Thank you!



  453.  #453Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 11:13 pm

    But…my guy isn’t all Aries …… I dated a few sun Aries men and they are busy!!! …… But not engaging them helps, I think it helps them to cool their busy little brains and just feel good……again, I encourage mine to burn off his excess energy. He has his “boy” stuff and I NEVER get in the way of that- it’s like when Cesar runs/exercises the dogs in the morning-in order to have their full attention the remainder of the day.
    Also, when he tells me about his day…..I just listen and nod. I ask maybe one question-usually for clarity-not for ego stroking….just sincere clarity. Because Aries will filibuster!!!!
    – I empathize, I use my facial expressions to say a lot of how I feel his words. Then I follow his lead. If he’s hungry I am available. If he wants to go for a ride, I am dressed and ready, if he wants to watch t.v. I may cuddle on the couch for a few minutes- but I will leave the room if I’m not interested( I presume he is decompressing mentally so I make space)

    Am I authentic? Am I authentic? Because sometimes we think- oh I’m mad…..when really we are just scared…..when thinking of Aries – I think hero. And warrior. And power.
    So….my guy does all killing of bugs 🙂
    My warrior! He also rescues the creatures I want to live and he frees them in the backyard 🙂 my hero! And I try to always respect him. They seem to be hyper sensitive to respect- even if he is totally wrong I will hear him out- and try not to interrupt so that he is heard. After that ( I acknowledge his personal power) he seems very receptive to “being wrong”.(which he isn’t – I was just right) it takes about an hour-3 days max 🙂 but it is worth it for me. I love the chivalry I get so laying my big leonine ego down is actually a pleasure. ——-disclaimer : it is not utopia but I like to think so.



  454.  #454Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 11:15 pm

    Life: re 439

    that’s awesome! So funny!

    “I only did this so I had a reason to call him”

    I can totally relate!



  455.  #455Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 11:18 pm

    KS,

    Eat rabbit. Really, rabbit mends a broken heart. Have some rabbit. Worked for me.

    I like the ritual LG is suggesting too 😉

    But rabbit is good.

    Good for the heart.



  456.  #456Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 11:19 pm

    So helpful Nikita. Thanks! I’ve never dated an Aries type guy. (Actually all the ones I’ve known before were waaaaay too caveman for me) so this is really helpful.
    What do you mean by filibuster tho?



  457.  #457Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    LG,

    I suspected he was Libra……yes based on how he writes/thinks. I asked him a while ago and he said he was……I thought October but I had forgotten and wanted to wish him a happy bday before we move into Scorpio…



  458.  #458Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 11:22 pm

    NS: I feel so excited about your discovery! It’s never too late to get started again. I hope you don’t beat yourself up about being stuck but just use it as an opportunity to move forward.

    I dot really know you that well but I think you are pretty amazing.



  459.  #459Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 11:24 pm

    Filibuster is a political thing…..if you want to stop congress from doing something(vague, I know), you just stand on the floor-at the podium and talk them to death. Filibuster 🙂



  460.  #460Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 11:25 pm

    Rabbit? I’d be in to trying that. But where do you find it?

    I just got a crock pot. Maybe I could make rabbit stew.



  461.  #461Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 11:27 pm

    Holy sh*t!!!!!!!

    That’s exactly what he does. Exactly!

    If we have a disagreement, he talks me to death! Oh my goodness. I’m kinda freaking out right now hearing this.



  462.  #462Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 11:29 pm

    Wait…was the rabbit thing a joke? As in Glenn close.

    Don’t burn the mattress! Definitely don’t burn the new mattress.



  463.  #463Laughing Goddess on October 19, 2010 at 11:31 pm

    The talking to death thing is torture when I really just want my feelings to be heard and acknowledged.



  464.  #464Nikita on October 19, 2010 at 11:32 pm

    Ks!!!!

    I am serious about the rabbit!! 🙁

    It is like this cultural old wives tale or something…..I feel too sleepy to google 🙁

    Maybe it is Indian or caribbean- dunno but rabbit works 🙂

    I ate it, not knowing about this “lore” and it was around that time that I just stopped hurting and was able to really move on- and FYI – I do have the guy that “I was broken up over”…..but I dated plenty in-between our old relationship and the new one. But! I don’t know if I like your toxic man- cuz you named him toxic so I feel biased and want you to find / attract/ magnetize a new wonderful healthy emotionally -man (whew!run-on sentence!!)

    Eat the friggin rabbit already!!!!!!!! 😉