How To Get Past The Past And Into The NOW – And Live Rori Raye Weekend Info!

Untitled design (14)

rori greenWhen I was younger, I was a singer-songwriter.

I used to sing in coffee houses and at college events all around UCLA, and at “open mic” nights. After that, I was lucky enough to become a professional and make a living in bands, singing groups and trying to break out on my own – like American Idol singers do before they get to “Idol.”

I’d forgotten all about it. Until my brother showed up last month with an old, old tape he had of me singing the songs I’d written and accompanying myself on guitar.

I let it sit for a month. Then, because I have no machine that can play reel-to-reel tapes, I took it to a studio to transfer it to CD, and here I am listening to it now.

I’m sort of lost in the old days, now. I went to the garage, where all my old music from my days as a wanna-be singer and as a church choir conductor is stored in a little suitcase – and I’m now surrounded on the floor by songs I hand wrote out on special, copyable paper.

I remember now that I’d taught myself how to transpose keys of songs written by singerothers for the “open mic” nites where there was a combo on the stage and no rehearsal.

I remember how I’d taken myself to those restaurants and bars and coffee houses, alone, and gotten up on stage.

I remember getting a “tryout” in the lounge at Sportsman’s Lodge nearby in Studio City… Ohhhh…and now it’s rolling….more and more and more memories.

All the songs are about love. Loving some man. And…losing childhood innocence. I was all about pain, loneliness and…hope.

I’m feeling like I want to re-learn these songs and re-sing them and re-record them…to re-create. And…perhaps I will. Or…

Perhaps I’ll write something new.

What about you?

What do you have in the back of your closet that’s either holding you back, or was so great you feel like you could never get that great experience again, or that you’re holding out in front of yourself like a carrot on a stick – to recreate?

All of a sudden I can think of so much in my life to DO OVER.

It’s like a brake on my spirit. A drag on my engine.

Is going backward so much easier than going forward? Was it really an easier time? Were we more brave?

I don’t think so.

Perhaps we live so many different lives. Perhaps we all have chapters in our lives, chapters that never end, and sort of lead into each other, and make up a grand story altogether – but aren’t meant to go BACK to.

So – I’ll write about memories when I get up off the floor with these…but for now, let’s both do this.

Bring yourself up to NOW:

1. Pull your brain out of the paths of what’s past – from the lovely paths and the quiet paths, and the deserted paths, and the scary paths, and the mean and painful paths. From all of them.

2. Look out a window, or step out the front door.

3. Breathe in the sunshine or the rain, or the mist – the blue or gray sky, the hot or cold air.

4. Take it in and stomp your foot on the ground. Feel the sting on your foot, the contact with earth.

5. Out loud – Say “NOW!!”

6. See if you can come back into your body as it is now.

7. Go look at something and touch something that screams NOW to you.

If what you want to do that’s NEW is to ratchet up your dream of a business or free-lance career that can sustain you financially and yet soothe your soul – and you’d like to come work with me in person at my home in Los Angeles, California – let me know.

Just hit “reply” to this letter, and I’ll write you back to schedule a time for you and I to talk personally by phone or video Skype.

This way, I’ll know exactly what you’ll need over the weekend to get you where you want to be in your business life – and we’ll lay it out for you before you even get to my living room!

You can also contact me though this page –>>

http://businesssiren.com/business-siren-rori-raye-live-weekend/

I can only fit 10 women in my living room, and there are only 3 spaces left.

I’d love to know you, and help you experience new things for your work and business: Things you may have never thought of; beginning a new business from scratch; up-leveling your existing business; setting up or substantially upgrading and improving your website; speaking into cameras; uploading photos; creating subscriber opt-in boxes; learning new technology; getting a better (or first time!) client/customer funnel; creating a program or product to sell; and writing like mad!

If you’d like to talk with me personally about filling that space…just hit “reply” to this letter, or Contact Me through the Live Weekend Page.

If you’ve been with me in the one and only Love Forever Live Weekend in October, you know what the experience is like – it’s all personal, you-and-me, throughout 18 intense hours together.

If what you most want is relationship help, the weekend isn’t likely for you – it’s really all about business, entrepreneurship, climbing the corporate ladder, and learning to “do business like a girl” WHILE STILL having a great romantic love relationship.

The Business Siren Protocols will help you stay stress-free even while you’re working “hard,” and keep you from hanging out in masculine-energy. They’ll keep you always feeling “turned on” and creating a turned-on feeling in everyone who crosses your path.

I look forward to talking with you and helping you soar as a Modern Siren in business.

Let me know how this mix of old and new works best for you, as you let old morph INTO new, as you let the early chapters fulfill themselves into the ones you’re living now.

Love, Rori

78 Comments

  1.  #1Dana Reece on January 13, 2016 at 8:06 pm

    Hi Rori,

    I love your work and would like more info about your business siren weekend.

    Thanks,
    Dana Reece
    501-551-4338



  2.  #2T-Girl on January 14, 2016 at 6:35 am

    Intriguing! I so would love to explore more on this topic. If only I could participate 🙁



  3.  #3Femininewoman on January 14, 2016 at 6:39 am

    This post looks very familiar



  4.  #4Mandy on January 14, 2016 at 10:12 am

    See, this is the singing letter she wrote I was talking about 🙂 Isn’t Rori cool?

    Know what gets me into right NOW?

    My cat. =^..^=

    She IS into right NOW.

    She is what she is, and not worrying, not thinking of the future or past, not fixing, not doing…just being her beautiful fuzzy self with her huge golden eyes…

    When I read this that Rori wrote the other day in my email, that minute I stopped, and looked out the window to get into the NOW, and I picked my cat to touch, to anchor me. Her soft fur just pulled me into the moment.

    I touch her, and I feel overwhelmed with love, and there I am in the present. I can’t believe how soft she is, and how perfectly shaped her little feminine paws are. She’s like the Velveteen Kitty. I can get into just admiring her for 20 minutes at a time, sometimes falling asleep after doing it for so long.

    I know it would sound silly to a passer-by on the street, but I’m feeling very expressive and I wanted to share this little moment.

    You see, and this is particularly directed to Azure for telling me to give myself a hug, I woke up grumpy again today, because kitty wanted food earlier than usual, so I grumped my way into the kitchen.

    But, after that, I was PUSHED into the now, after learning of David Bowie and Alan Rickman’s untimely death. Things like that, when they happen, can DEFINITELY pull you into the NOW.

    So I cried a few bouts over Bowie (my favorite…) and I chose to buy a Bowie T-shirt from Labyrinth, my favorite story with a female protagonist, a female hero, who solves the Goblin King’s Labyrinth, that said,

    “I Move The Stars For No One”.

    Is that not the most Sireny saying ever? He wrote it. I don’t feel it is a quote of closing oneself off, but just being grounded and having boundaries, refusing to budge from the feminine, and having someone move the stars for YOU.

    I might even get that quote tattoooed, who knows.

    Anyway ladies, a dreamy day to you…

    RIP Dearest Bowie and Rickman…and my aunt Jill…

    Let’s all stay in the moment and remember to tell each other we love each other…tomorrow is guaranteed to no one <3



  5.  #5Femininewoman on January 14, 2016 at 12:13 pm

    Hey Mandy I saw a montage with David Bowie and Iman of facebook yesterday. The person asked “what do you notice?”

    The common theme throughout all the pictures? All his attention was focused on her. It was like she was the only woman in the room.



  6.  #6Femininewoman on January 14, 2016 at 12:18 pm

    “I feel overwhelmed with love”

    This jumped at me Mandy. Maybe because I am focused on working to expand my own capacity to receive love. How much love can you receive before you start feeling overwhelmed?

    Part of my mantra that I learned from Christie Marie Sheldon is “I am open to the energy of more and more love. I am open to receiving more and more love”.



  7.  #7Rori Raye on January 14, 2016 at 1:27 pm

    Mandy – Yes! My cat Boston and dog Zeke – they’re healing beings for me – always there to get me out of my head. To stroke an ear, look into eyes who get so much more than I do….Rori



  8.  #8Azure Blu on January 14, 2016 at 1:42 pm

    Mandy….
    Ahhhh,,,
    I feel grounded and relaxed reading your gorgeous words…
    bringing ME back to the NOW…
    Thank you… lovely sparkly Siren!
    Your Velveteen Kitty sounds awesome!
    oxoxox



  9.  #9Azure Blu on January 14, 2016 at 1:47 pm

    A quote from a Rori blog

    ““When you learn how to anchor yourself
in self – love,

    you’ll see your masculine man moving towards you.

    There’s a magnetic pull on a man
    
that makes him want to get as close as possible

    when a woman loves herself more than any man.

    
If you don’t learn how to anchor YOU
    in self–love

    and learn how to love yourself
    MORE than any man,

    you’ll find yourself feeling anxious,
    
insecure,

    constantly chasing a man

    and losing yourself completely.”



  10.  #10Millie on January 14, 2016 at 5:52 pm

    So, I heard from M today. He make a pass about coming over for s*x. I was busy and took my time answering. I was friendly, but let him know i would love to see him, but can’t continue in a friends with benefits situation. He said he understood with a sad face and then a few hours later said he would still like to see me anyway! So I felt happy to hear that and expressed it! Soon after he resumed the sexual talk about something he’s always wanted to do with me… I said maybe one day, which is true.. Yes, maybe one day we can fulfill all of our sexual fantasies, but right now… I don’t want to be just a piece of booty… Any other suggestions on some good responses I can have here?



  11.  #11Dixie on January 14, 2016 at 6:31 pm

    Millie…. Hmmm, this would feel a bit confusing and mildly frustrating to me, especially if I really liked a man. It sounds like he’s steering the conversation in one direction….

    I feel curious to hear from other sirens on this one!



  12.  #12Millie on January 14, 2016 at 6:55 pm

    Dixie– yeah I did feel a little annoyed, but didn’t feel like I needed to explain or repeat myself. At that point actions and vibe mean the most I think… But yes! Interested to hear any suggestions.

    Victoria– flirty siren, maybe you have a lighthearted way of handling this?



  13.  #13Millie on January 14, 2016 at 8:42 pm

    I feel I’m constantly faced with the same situation… The “friends with benefits” dilemma. I don’t want that… And I feel like I’ve been able to tell many men that and say NO, so I’m not sure why this keeps coming up in my life, if there is something I haven’t learned..?

    I hear about so many relationships that LAST and I don’t know why mine don’t last. Or specifically this one… I know I haven’t met the right man yet, and I’ve been in a negative place towards myself, but all these other people in relationships aren’t perfect either! And it kind of makes me feel mad… like what are these other people doing that I’m not?? I’m a pretty amazing person and it doesn’t make sense to me why M and I couldn’t have lasted… Or why he sees me in this “cheap” way now. I don’t deserve it at all. I don’t want this to be my reality. All these other people can’t “have it together” … It must be something else… and I kind of feel mad that he’s acting this way, and turned off… And like ugh. He really was this totally sweet, loving man… And I don’t know where that person went. Sure he was always sexual and pushed the norm on that, which I loved because I felt safe to explore thst with him, but now… He’s so different.



  14.  #14Indigo on January 14, 2016 at 9:09 pm

    Millie,

    He’s not different. I encourage you to go on Youtube and watch any of the many videos on this topic (I will post the link to a couple of good ones here if you want me to).

    It is nearly the most common thing in the world for a man to put on a great front for the first 3 months, because they love the chase, they love the novelty and the dopamine rush of courting and dating a new woman. (Ask my ex, D, he is brilliant at this game). However once the newness wears off and things start to become real, they are not ready or able to continue so they disappear. And they return to the man they always were. That man in the first 3 months was not real, he was a mirage. This phenomenon is so common you will find no shortage of information about it.

    I find it interesting you brought up the friends with benefits trend. I mentioned on the blog a few weeks ago that I had a guy from my past contact me and ask me if I wanted to have sex with him on the side, even though he had a girlfriend! Obviously I told him no and that it didn’t feel right to me. Yesterday he contacted me again, and told me he had become recently single and would I be interested in a casual sex arrangement now. For the life of me I don’t understand why he keeps contacting me because we only had sex once in the past, but I felt amused more than anything else.

    I shared with him this:
    “Hey C,
    Yeah I’m really flattered, but I’m at a point in my life where I want to be treated a bit better by a guy.
    If I change my mind, I’ll let you know.”

    He then proceeded to apologise profusely to me, and say what a d*ckhead he must seem like. I told him that it was fine, and that I really was flattered, but that I may be about to get into a relationship with someone, so I wouldn’t have been able to anyway.

    I feel within me that he will not be back with this kind of request again. I could feel in my body how things shifted. Without beating him over the head with the notion, or making him feel wrong or bad for making that request, I feel like I let him know in no uncertain terms what I was available for and what I wasn’t. I feel like by telling him I was looking to be treated better by a man, it woke him up to the fact that was he was asking was nowhere near good enough.

    Later that evening, M phoned me and is picking me up to take me to a barbecue with his sister and her family tonight (second date! I know!). The contrast felt so great and affirming. When you really stand up for what you want, with no equivocations, the universe answers.



  15.  #15Femininewoman on January 14, 2016 at 9:15 pm

    I honor my feelings by expressing them from my heart without try to influence or attack any man.

    Millie these are some words I got from Rori. Do you know if this man means you any good? If you know what you want an don’t want why not just share that? “I feel flattered and I know friends with benefits is not what I want”. Men will push boundaries and if you know what you want why not honor your boundaries?

    Did you truly feel safe? Or were you just trying to blot out Mechanic? Is he really different or are you just seeing him through real eyes now that the honeymoon is over?

    I also suspect the conversation was over text and I am wondering why you are taking him so serious. He might’ve just been playing around. He’s been gone for months. I don’t think he truly thinks you will take him seriously or even expect you to take him back.



  16.  #16Millie on January 14, 2016 at 9:32 pm

    Indigo– ya I hear you and I took you and Femininewomans advice and said what I wanted and don’t want. I took him seriously because he was being aggressive about it and I’m sure if I caved he would show up, but in my bed, not necessarily in a dating way.



  17.  #17Millie on January 14, 2016 at 9:36 pm

    And no, I wasn’t trying to block out mechanic… My feelings for M ran much deeper… And yes I did feel safe when with him when the waterfall of his love was coming towards me



  18.  #18Indigo on January 14, 2016 at 10:53 pm

    Millie,

    Good for you. I like what Feminine Woman has said.

    The way I see it with men like this, and I have had a few of them show up in my life, most recently Bush Boy whom I had strong feelings for, is that they are not “bad” guys. The loving, caring, romantic side to them IS a part of them, probably the best part, and probably the man they would like to be one day, and probably secretly wish they were now… but they just can’t. Them not being bad just means I get to see them as multi-faceted, rounded human beings and not just dismiss them as “jerks” or “a**holes”, but it doesn’t mean I need to welcome them into my life. I think that’s where it gets tricky. We know on some level that these men are confused and that there is this nice side to them, and we would like to inspire them to *know* what they want or to be that way more of the time. Or that was my struggle. But that struggle is over now. This is where choosing yourself comes in. It’s about saying, I love myself enough to put me first. If a guy is going back and forth on his feelings, that is all the information you need.



  19.  #19Azure Blu on January 15, 2016 at 1:13 am

    Millie #15
    “Indigo– ya I hear you and I took you and Femininewomans advice and said what I wanted and don’t want.”
    Yay!!! Super Siren! You are The Prize and treating yourself that way (by sharing YOUR boundaries and sticking to them)
    lets the universe Know
    YOU are ready for Much better!
    oxoxo



  20.  #20Victoria on January 15, 2016 at 1:16 am

    Millie,
    I am so flattered that you liked my response and are asking for my opinion again. Thank you, it is a great honor.
    Now this thing about FWB offers, the way I look at it is this: I take it as a compliment that I am physically attractive to the man. That is all it means to me. Men love s*x, and crave a woman who, to use’s Rori’s term, gives them a boner. If the physical attraction was non-existent, there would be no basis for a relationship with this man. Does it mean you have to comply?
    What you wrote in your post was lovely to my mind
    “Yes, maybe one day we can fulfill all of our sexual fantasies, but right now… I don’t want to be just a piece of booty…”. I don’t know whether it is something you actually said, but it sounds both kind and honest, I really love it.
    From my personal experience, I don’t have a clever line to get out of a situation like this one. What I have done repeatedly was to gracefully exit the conversation, by suddenly remembering that there is something very urgent that I forgot to do. If this happend repeatedly, after 3-4 times they get the message and stop calling. Will this get you a relationship? No, they just weed themselves out.



  21.  #21Victoria on January 15, 2016 at 1:26 am

    There was a guy who would call me with stupid ideas for casual s*x. I wasn’t interested in that, actually, I was not interested in a relationship with him either. He was a part of an experimental phase in my life (which of course was never explained to him).
    He would call, and offer something and I would say, oh, you are so sweet, and you are a fantastic lover (which he was) but right now I am very busy (at work, relatives, whatever). But I will definetely call you back when I have the time. Of course I never called. Then he would call again, in a week or so. Several times.
    That’s why I say I tend to date men who are not very smart, lol.



  22.  #22Victoria on January 15, 2016 at 2:26 am

    @ Indigo 17
    I love what you wrote, and I fully agree. I also do not see the men who choose not to be with me as bad guys. Most of the time they mostly don’t know what they want, or want something that is different than what I want. We try to non-verbally negotiate the relationship as we get to know each other, and sometime we discover we are not a match at this one time. Sometime we discover we will never be a match. The most important thing I discovered, is that with a man who IS a match, you do not need to do anything to persuade him to have a relationship with you.



  23.  #23Femininewoman on January 15, 2016 at 3:35 am

    Oh gosh a woman in New York got raped in the Port Authority terminal by a guy named Jeffrey Kent who she met on eHarmony. He wanted to go a hotel she said no. He told her he had a gun to her back and took her to a secluded place in Port Authority and raped her. I just heard it on the news.

    Just plain wow!



  24.  #24Indigo on January 15, 2016 at 4:44 am

    Victoria 21,

    It’s so true. It’s a wonderful reminder when you are with a man who WANTS to be in a relationship with you, that it is just easy.



  25.  #25Dixie on January 15, 2016 at 5:59 am

    I love the discussion that Millie’s conversation with M. has opened up here.

    I really like Indigo and Victoria’s suggestions. It suddenly reminded me of a CD I dated 2 years back who was incredibly nice, but we had started out as FWB. When I initially broke it off, it was because I really wanted something different and he was very sweet about it. Then he started contacting me and one day asked me out – sort of. And I said yes, it would be nice to catch up. But the “date” was at his place. Soooo, when I shared that I felt a bit unsure about coming over to his place, etc., his tone suddenly shifted. I felt really disappointed because he was a good guy, but he was definitely just looking for sex and I was sort of at a different stage. Anyhow, the universe pulled him right away from me and that was the best thing.

    Sort of related….D. has been leaning forward these weeks in a really sweet way, calling to ask about my day, and really, what makes me so happy is that he’s been back to sharing about his days, his work, his vulnerabilities about that….. without me asking to. It’s just felt really nice. He’s just being affectionate and caring and it feels very good to lean back, appreciate all that he is doing and sharing in his own time and his own way.



  26.  #26Millie on January 15, 2016 at 6:59 am

    Indigo 17–Yeah I agree with what you’ve said here. I also think we have to assert ourselves more than once as Femininewoman said–men will test our boundaries. In this case, I’m sure the fact that I’m continuing to respond to him sends the message that I am still entertaining him…which I am, I haven’t given up completely. If I didnt want him in my life, I would have stopped responding by now. I’t is hard because I am a lustful person and that perhaps is probably why I am continually faced with FWB situations by the universe…challenging me not to give in to lust.

    Azure– thank you sweet siren!

    Victoria 19– Ahh I’m so glad you feel honored! Yes it is flattering to be wanted in such a vivacious way and to be fantasized about as a s*x goddess! No, I didn’t actually say that comment to him, because I didn’t want to be the one calling myself “a piece of booty,”but I’ll hold onto it and if he needs another power statement I can use it. Yeah! I like your idea of just gracefully making an exit. I’ve done that, but usually I actually have something to do!! Haha or am just bored by them.

    Victoria 21–Yes!!! M showed me that…those three months, but three months does not a relationship make, so Indigo is right in identifying the male pattern there….and I have to accept that he ISNT the one. I’m not sure there is a MAYBE to be said here anymore… 🙁

    So, after I told M that I’m at a point in life where I want more with someone, and with someone who wants that with me… (This is after I already told him I don’t want FWB, which I’m not sure he really grasped in the way I meant–or just plain disregarded I don’t know) He said he got it and apologized for “being dumb.” I told him he wasn’t dumb, but that we are just in different places and want different things. He said “Not true,” but that he is moving back and forth and isn’t in the best place.” Very true statement. He chose to move back home to another state and is only here intermittently. I replied saying I understood his life is in another place now. He said it was better for his career and I responded very supportively praising him for having his house there, and he listed off a few other things of why he is choosing to live there. Then he says…he doesn’t have any kinky friends and that if we got together he could only imagine the things we would get into sexually. Maybe I am a s*x goddess after all, he’s certainly making me feel that way haha! We said goodnight after that..and he said he’d talk to me tomorrow. I think if I’m REALLY going to stick to my boundaries, I think I will have to stop replying when he starts getting too suggestive.



  27.  #27Millie on January 15, 2016 at 7:03 am

    Or excuse myself as Victoria suggested…



  28.  #28Millie on January 15, 2016 at 7:11 am

    I just realized it too– he used that dreaded word “friends.”

    He was rattling off that his friends were there…but then joked he doesn’t have any kinky friends.

    “Friends.” (I feel like the queen of hearts in Alice, face turning red..angry at the color the roses are being painted)

    No friends.

    I am not the “kinky friend.”

    No f-ing way.



  29.  #29Femininewoman on January 15, 2016 at 8:03 am

    Millie I dunno. Maybe it was just his way of trying to make you feel safe by saying he doesn’t have any kinky friends? I also suspect he might have been just sharing his sexual fantasy. A lot of men don’t feel safe enough to share those. Him apologizing and saying he is dumb is how showing you this is all about him and his issues. Nothing wrong with what you said or are choosing for yourself.

    I also sense some possible dislike of your sexuality with you describing yourself as lustful. Have you ever stood naked in front of your mirror and really embraced all of you? How about thinking of yourself as sensual as opposed to lustful.



  30.  #30Femininewoman on January 15, 2016 at 8:05 am

    Saying he doesn’t have kinky friends could even be him acknowledging his kinky side and saying h doesn’t have anyone in his life to share that side of him with.

    I wonder if any of the other sirens have explored reading about “The Shadow” as I am wonder if this is kinda part of our Shadow that affects our relationships?



  31.  #31Azure Blu on January 15, 2016 at 8:05 am

    Dixie #24
    Ohhh… this sounds sooo good!

    “without me asking to.
    It’s just felt really nice.
    He’s just being affectionate and caring
    and it feels very good to lean back,
    appreciate all that he is doing and sharing
    in his own time
    and his own way.”

    A great reminder… We all have our own time…
    When someone is gentle with us and appreciates
    and Honors
    our time and space… it creates such a nice flow
    AND *HE* can lead!!
    oxoxo



  32.  #32Azure Blu on January 15, 2016 at 8:15 am

    Millie #25
    Ohhh… Great script… so clear!!
    Warm but very clear!! :=))

    “So, after I told M that I’m at a point in life where I want more with someone, and with someone who wants that with me… ”
    AND this
    “Maybe I am a s*x goddess after all, he’s certainly making me feel that way haha! ”
    I LOVE that you are taking it in a positive way!!

    Millie #27
    Love the playful comment!!
    about Alice in W land!!
    I can just see it!!

    I really think this is FANTASTIC practice…
    This is exactly how i use the dialogue with
    my cds
    learning to stay warm… stay open
    BUT hold my boundaries!
    and letting them go
    WHEN I”M READY!!
    no harm there!!
    Lovely Siren!! Wow just Wow!!
    oxoxo



  33.  #33Millie on January 15, 2016 at 8:31 am

    Femininewoman 28/29–

    Ohhhhh it’s so funny you sense a dislike in my own sexuality!! It is quite the opposite!! I am very vain about my body and do gaze at myself in the mirror as I undress before a shower. I have a beautiful body, perfect even, and love love love love it!! I am very in touch with my own sensuality with ME…and I would LOVE to explore that with him because yes I agree–he is saying he doesn’t have that in his life–and we could be great at it!! Oh I wish I could…let go and explore…but my heart…and the history….I want it ALL! Sexual exploration for life with my forever man! With him, I was never judgmental of his sexual desires, as they aren’t socially accepted by other men, I always embraced him in that way and am open to exploring and experimenting. I loved that he was the leader down that road. His sexuality is something that I love about him. Your right, I probably shouldn’t interpret that as him trying to “friend zone” me…although I know I have that boundary.



  34.  #34Millie on January 15, 2016 at 8:33 am

    Femininewoman, I feel curious about “the shadow.” What is that concept?



  35.  #35Femininewoman on January 15, 2016 at 8:48 am

    Maybe its me then because when I think of lust I think of lecherous and greed also. I also think that when someone is lustful toward me, then don’t actually want to get to know me. They just want to use my body to gratify themself.



  36.  #36Millie on January 15, 2016 at 8:55 am

    Oh, when I think of lust I think of unbridled desire… Passion, life, juice… I guess what I meant is that my sexual desire can sometimes guide me in choices that aren’t the best for my heart.



  37.  #37Azure Blu on January 15, 2016 at 9:23 am

    Millie and FW
    In the beginning, Spirit and I had CRAZY chemistry…
    WE LOVED making out (and a little more)… and really, That was all I wanted from him…
    and I made it clear that I don’t have s*x unless there is an exclusivity, and I am looking for a man who wants a life long commitment – eventually!

    I also, have MY desires… :-))

    I LOVE wild crazy, teasing – not quite s*x…
    it drives the anticipation for the man and ME
    it’s delicious…
    But I make sure I’m checking in with me often
    so I dont’ feel needy and the nesting doesn’t start clicking in
    It’s a VERY fine line for me…
    I think it works out best
    as long as I’m dating others!!!
    and I know it can’t go on too long… or I DO get attached!



  38.  #38Femininewoman on January 15, 2016 at 9:39 am


  39.  #39Femininewoman on January 15, 2016 at 9:41 am

    I shared a link Millie but it went into moderation. Check out The Shadow on youtube. It is by Debbie Ford



  40.  #40Femininewoman on January 15, 2016 at 9:42 am

    m



  41.  #41Femininewoman on January 15, 2016 at 9:42 am

    Millie my response to you is going into moderation



  42.  #42Femininewoman on January 15, 2016 at 9:43 am

    Check out the shadow on youtube



  43.  #43Femininewoman on January 15, 2016 at 9:43 am

    The Shado!w on u tube



  44.  #44Femininewoman on January 15, 2016 at 9:55 am

    Bob Grant

    “This is where most women don’t understand men (and I can understand why). If a man says he doesn’t want a commitment and he is “always there to assist her, goes to family outings with her, does wonderful and thoughtful things for her, etc.” then I can almost guarantee what’s happening.

    She’s sleeping with him and he’s happy with the relationship – just the way it is.

    All the wonderful things he is doing doesn’t mean that he wants the relationship to become anything more than what it currently is —> a fun dating relationship.

    What he means by not wanting a serious relationship means that he wants the freedom to end the relationship whenever he wants (should he choose to), without being held to a promise of being exclusive.

    He can still be wonderful to you, but that doesn’t mean he’s any closer to committing to you.

    Here’s the take away: Don’t assume his wonderful gestures means he wants to commit.

    -When a man commits to a woman, he’ll beg you to be exclusively his.
    -He’ll start making plans for your future.
    -He’ll talk about marriage, building a future together, etc.

    He won’t just treat you wonderfully, he’ll include you in his plans for the future. In fact, here’s the type of woman that makes a man crazy with desire and begging her to commit to him.”



  45.  #45Liquid Light on January 15, 2016 at 10:14 am

    Millie

    The reason that men are so sexually attracted to you is because you love your body and your sexuality so much. They sense it and want it too! 🙂 So yeah it is absolutely a positive. Doesn’t mean that you let them have your body nor does it mean that the attraction/lust can’t grow into something deeper than that. If you don’t allow these possibilities in your mind, though, then they won’t happen.

    Have you done a worksheet on this situation?

    I had a date last night. It was the same ol, same ol. He was a nice attractive man but the date was just blah for me. He was wimpy and non-masculine and my attraction for him was near 0. I was really upset and disappointed after the date as I always am. This same scenario just keeps repeating itself. But this morning, I did a worksheet on it and I’m feeling so much better. In fact I’m feeling excited an enthused about finding an awesome masculine man. This is a complete 180 from the way I was feeling last night!

    The worksheets are really effective! 🙂



  46.  #46Liquid Light on January 15, 2016 at 10:25 am

    Millie,

    Just a thought: do a worksheet on post #27.

    It might be really interesting what you come up with!



  47.  #47Azure Blu on January 15, 2016 at 12:45 pm

    Liquid Light #41
    Interesting that the work sheet worked so well for you!!
    I feel happy reading what you wrote…
    You seem soo warm and light after the work sheet!!
    oxoxo



  48.  #48Azure Blu on January 15, 2016 at 12:46 pm

    Feminine Woman #40
    I love this… thank you!



  49.  #49Liquid Light on January 15, 2016 at 2:15 pm

    Thanks Azure! You are always so kind and supportive! 🙂



  50.  #50Zara on January 15, 2016 at 3:32 pm


  51.  #51Dixie on January 15, 2016 at 5:03 pm

    Sirens….. I’m curious: what is this worksheet that is being mentioned?

    I am soooo happy to have a cozy night tonight! It’s cold here and I wanted to go out at first but it’s just so cold and drizzly and slushy !

    D. called again tonight just to ask about my day, tell me about his, and tell me he loves me and misses me….and I felt so giddy in my heart, I felt like a schoolgirl more than a siren! Ahhhh well.



  52.  #52Millie on January 15, 2016 at 6:47 pm

    Zara 49– ohhhhhh what a trigger that talk was!!! I feel so mad right now, furious even. I’m not really sure where it’s directed at the moment, not at myself which is a relief. The whole young men pheromone thing makes sense but leaves me feeling hopeless. I want to meet my soul mate so bad, but I feel like I can’t deal with this. It makes me so angry! To the point where I want to say F men! And F dating. I did nothing wrong and I’m not going to sit here and say I did. Ya I probably shouldn’t have slept with him, but I did. Seriously F him and all of this…

    Sorry I know I’m posting out of anger right now, but all of this feels like an uphill battle I can’t win. Not with him or with anyone.

    I’m sure I’ll feel differently once I cool down. And yes liquid light I should do several worksheets on all this anger.



  53.  #53Millie on January 15, 2016 at 7:19 pm

    It is really difficult to do the worksheet alone. I feel like I need someone to help me point things out, my own brain is stuck on the statements and the turnarounds aren’t meaning anything.



  54.  #54Millie on January 15, 2016 at 7:47 pm

    The one that rang some truth is this:

    My statement is:
    I want M to see me how he did before and fall back in love with me.

    The turnaround is:
    I want to see myself as I did before and fall back in love with me.
    I want to see myself as I did before and fall back in love with him.
    He wants me to see myself as before and fall back in love with me.
    He wants to see himself as he did before and fall back in love with me.
    He wants me to see him as I did before and fall back in love with him.

    I feel like there is some truth to those statements.
    Definitely feeling overwhelmed right now.
    Going out tonight so hopefully letting all this aside for awhile.



  55.  #55Zara on January 16, 2016 at 12:42 am

    Millie, about the work sheet:

    I have contacted volunteer facilitators for a “one off” in a few occasions. Everytime we had a free session and they were good at guiding me through the process. I had read somewhere on the site the free first sessions would be 15 minutes long, but my experience is that my free sessions lasted 30 minutes each.
    I was very happy with my experience of the free facilitators. I recommend it.

    http://www.instituteforthework.com/itw/content/helpline

    xxx



  56.  #56Zara on January 16, 2016 at 3:18 am

    Written by Rory Raye – October 2008
    __________________________________

    I see sex as a powerful Tool to get closer to a man, closer to yourself, and yes – closer to God and the Universe. I see sex as an animal joy and a spiritual miracle, and I am not one to promote celibacy (and I have a 20 year-old daughter and can still say that).

    That said, most of us are not in full command of this power of sex, and instead get caught up by our hormones when we have sex with a man.

    We are not like men when it comes to sex – and yet, men are capable of the full array of emotions that often cannot be fully expressed WITHOUT sex.

    At some point, for a healthy masculine man, a relationship will die without sex. It will simply not feed the greater growth of his emotions.

    And for emotionally unhealthy men, the greater growth is more than he can handle.

    My past is full of “serial” relationships and boyfriends, one after the other, all of whom I had sex with. Whatever drove me to jump in so fast (literally) – I know that sometimes I beat myself up over my poor choice because THEY liked ME so much more than I liked them, and most often I beat myself up because I loved them and they didn’t care all that much.

    And now I don’t believe that sex had anything to do with it. At that time in my life I needed closeness and affection and to be touched, and I got that for myself however I could, even if it meant deceiving myself. And I believe that that was my “path.” That was my “journey.” whatever happened, and whatever I did and didn’t do, whatever mistakes I made – they were a part of who I am now, and I choose to rejoice in who I am now – so – I MUST, then, logically – rejoice in who I WAS.

    And I don’t see that having “sex” was necessarily a mistake. What I see is how clearly I mixed sex up with love and affection, and how I took the “crumbs” of sex rather than actually looking for the whole enchilada.

    And most important – I see that I almost DELIBERATELY took those crumbs because I was deeply AFRAID of the whole enchilada. I had no idea what it looked like, felt like – or what it even meant. Sex had nothing to do with it.

    I can remember nearly every experience I ever had with a man – sexual and non-sexual – and I can also see how each one was a DIFFERENT learning experience – though they all followed the same pattern.

    I can look back and see the men I felt strongly for, and the men I TRIED to feel strongly for. I remember how sex fit into the experience for me, how it intensified my feelings or dropped them into the garbage.

    So – I want you to follow YOUR path. Your journey. And the only thing I want to say about sex is that, as powerful as it is – it cannot CHANGE anyone’s mind. It can deepen love, and it can liberate the body and spirit, and it can feel cold and coarse and empty, too. But it cannot change his mind. It cannot bind him to you.

    What it can do – through the way our female hormone’s work – is to bind US to a man. It binds us in a physical way that feels like love, but often isn’t love at all. And that’s the problem.

    When we are bound, too soon, before we feel secure and happy, to a man on our hormonal level – we run the risk of talking the rest of ourselves into love, whether it’s there or not, or even good for us or not.

    And then that can turn into self-deception that damages our entire sense of ourselves.

    __________________________



  57.  #57Zara on January 16, 2016 at 3:25 am

    Written by Rori Raye – December 31rst 2008

    __________________________________
    Having Sex WITHOUT Getting Hung Up On Him

    If you’ve ever felt “hung up” on any and every man you slept with – even though you KNEW he was a lost cause, even though you KNEW he wouldn’t call again, that he wasn’t marriage material, and that your heart would hurt very quickly – here’s some thoughts, jumped off of a comment by Tallulah – Here’s a line from it:

    “I swear I have ‘fallen in love’ with EVERY man I have slept with”

    Amazingly, just like everything else – we can “train” ourselves to have a lighter attitude about sex. The question is – do we really want to? AND…can we hold off just enough, if we’ve got the Tools and the Diva thing down, so that HE’S caught up with us emotionally by the time we have sex?

    That’s what I did with my husband – and yet, I had sex with the two men before him who I was actually able – because I was Circular Dating – to NOT get “hung up” on, even though I “fell in love” with them. One after the other.

    I was able to see that my “falling in love” was just an old, triggered feeling that felt good – but that it wasn’t going to work in the long term. I was simply able to put my long term desires FIRST – and that gave me a perspective on everything.

    With that perspective, I could handle sex. I was even prepared to ditch my husband after waiting 4 months, then having great sex with him. I was determined to serve myself in the highest way – and I wasn’t going to let a little thing like my personal issues with sex get in my way.

    We have to choose. Are we going to let our mistakes and our off-track wanderings derail us permanently? Or are we going to take what we can – the enjoyment, the pleasure, even the pain from every experiment and experience we choose or have ever chosen to have – and GET BACK and STAY on the track to our Happy Ever After?

    Just because we fall off our Horse doesn’t mean we can’t get right back on again. The Horse knows the way, and she is ready and able and thrilled to take us where we want to go.

    So don’t worry about your past, and don’t even worry about your present, or how many more men you may get sidetracked by.

    Just get back on the Horse as QUICKLY as possible and don’t spend time reliving and regretting ANYTHING.

    In the end, as you get older and older – all those mistakes actually seem like experiences you’re GLAD you had.

    Once you’re settled with a man – you can’t be wild and crazy and stupid and messed up and – completely free with some other man. Take your life for the joy it is.

    Just get your priorities straight, map out your route, point your Horse – and GALLOP into your future NO MATTER WHAT.

    You can do this. Missteps are not tragedies. Sleeping with a man and regretting it is not a step all the way back to “start” on the gameboard of your love life. And you CAN learn to shift all of these responses. You can try new things. You can learn.

    If I did – I KNOW YOU can!

    Love to you, and Happy New Years! What ever you do, love it. And wherever you are, and however you feel – love yourself HARD, give yourself a big hug for me – and I’ll be thinking about you into next year!

    Love, Rori
    ______________________



  58.  #58Zara on January 16, 2016 at 3:57 am

    He flamed out…. What now?
    Written by Rory Raye – September 2010

    _____________________
    => Here’s a great question, and a long answer from me about a man who “opts out” for his “personal” reasons:

    “”“QUESTION ABOUT A FLAME-OUT SITUATION
    I use the “flame out” term as Rachel Greenwald used it in her book and it describes this perfectly. I’ve been circular dating for a few months. I met John and it finally felt like I’d found one with real potential. First date was great and he texted me before I got home saying what a great time he had and couldn’t wait to see me again. Dates 2 & 3 were also great. In between, he called me every day, text me several times a day, and did all the “right” things to pursue me. The spark was definitely there.

    Then the time between the calls & txts started stretching out. I responded when he reached out, but didn’t try to initiate anything. Then he emailed me, apologizing for not calling or txting more. He explained that he was under tremendous pressure at work due to some audit they were undergoing (which I know is true because he mentioned it a few times on our dates) He is an owner of this company and president of one of its divisions. He also said that he was facing some very difficult financial decisions, which might include taking his kids out of private school.

    He went on to say that he thinks I am “awesome”, smart, sexy, fun to be around and he loved spending time with me, and there wasn’t another woman he was interested in the way he was me. BUT, he said with all the pressure going on in his life, he didn’t feel it was fair to ME for him to bring me into his life at this time, but he did want me to be a part of it…eventually, when things settle down. It’s been about 3 weeks and other than the random txt here & there, that’s all I’ve heard from him.

    Of course I have continued to circular date and keep on having fun. But my thoughts keep coming back to him. I wish I could conduct an “exit interview” and ask if there was something I did that turned him off so that I could learn & not make that mistake again. But in the outside chance that he does still want to pursue me, I know asking something like that would be relationship suicide. Do you think his email was sincere, or is he just too nice & diplomatic to say “I’m not interested in you, even though you are smart, sexy & fun”? Any thoughts are welcome. Thanks!”””

    => Here’s my answer:

    This is an awesome question.

    Basically – it’s NOT YOUR JOB to FIGURE OUT what he MEANT, or what he THOUGHT – or ANYTHING!!!

    It’s your job to take care of you, to respond to him warmly and openly when he shows up, and not to “Wait” –

    And if you got oxytocin-attached to any one man — just put him on your horse (yeah – it can get crowded up there) and keep riding down your path.

    Look – it’s not any of our fault when we get “hung up” on a man. We have hormones. Lots of them. They spin, they churn, they run up and down our bodies.

    It’s really important that we eat and take care of ourselves in ways that give us the best chance to keep our hormones in some kind of pleasant balance – and then notice what’s going on with them when we feel “out of control” and reassert our authority over ourselves.

    The idea is to be so in touch with our feelings, and so willing to feel them, that they no longer RUN us!!!

    Feelings are our compass – but NOT our rudder!!!

    Feelings tell us where our thoughts are leading us, they tell us what’s ahead, what’s going on…and often, they are being triggered by old things that aren’t even real in real time.

    It’s up to a different part of you to make decisions about what to do and where to go – no matter WHAT you feel, and HONORING your feelings at all times.

    This is what we’re about – using our minds in a completely different way.

    Instead of using our minds to run AWAY from scary feelings – we use our minds to STEER us straight INTO them! We take our feelings WITH us – instead of trying to leave them somewhere.

    We NEVER abandon ourselves – we use the soldier’s code of never leaving a trooper behind.

    We take ALL of ourselves EVERYWHERE – and use every bit of information we get from those parts of ourselves to make decisions.

    When decisions are fully informed by our feelings and intuitions – we end up HAPPY!!!

    Simple as that!

    We stop listening to the voices that tell us what we have to do, what we should do, what we need to do – and we start charting a course that lines up with what we desire and feel good about.

    And so – a man who honestly tells us he is withdrawing – for WHATEVER reason, gets treated with warmth, openness, trust, belief that he’s doing what he feels he needs to do and has no ulterior motive or intent to hurt us or confuse us – and that we really don’t NEED any CLARIFICATION!!!

    A husband who sleeps with another woman is delivering a message loud and clear. He’s saying – “I’m missing something in this marriage, and even though it might be immature, rude, wrong, bad, mean and anything else of me to have slept with this woman – I did it because I wanted to. And now I may be sorry, but I’m not sure. Maybe I want a lot of things I’m not supposed to have.”

    And your feelings will be so awful that you’ll be tempted to take all kinds of action – to attack, to grieve, to run away, to kick him out, to get revenge, to hurt him….and also…to GET HIM BACK.

    When you’ve invested years in a marriage, it might make sense to learn what your part is in “what he’s missing.” It might help you reconnect with him in a better way (I’ve had clients for whom this has happened beautifully).

    It might even be acceptable for you to simply forgive him and move on (Miranda in Sex and the City).

    Or it might be the wake-up call you needed to send him packing, and finally, blissfully be on your own and make yourself available for someone fresh.

    But when you’re “dating” – there’s no such investment. Or – there SHOULDN’T be, if you’re hoping to stay sane and hormone-balanced.

    A man just comes and goes. For his own reasons.

    And here’s the part where I can help, and what all my work is about:

    Among a man’s reasons (if you care for him and want to ask the tough questions) for not going “further” with you into a real relationship – this possible “something” that’s holding him back, this “something” that’s “missing” for him might be something YOU’RE withholding from him. A part of you that isn’t open, and so it won’t let HIM open.

    And when you read my stuff and think like that – your first instinct is to blame yourself, beat yourself up, jump to the conclusion that it’s YOUR fault (it isn’t – not even close), contact the man and show him how “different” you are now as a “Modern Siren.”

    Only – the instinct to “go get him” and “show him” is completely the opposite direction a Modern Siren goes in!

    So – built-in frustration and conflict.

    Just like the possibilities in a marriage – no matter what has happened – If you’re still seeing a man (even just “dating” him, but he hasn’t backed off completely) – you can do it!! He’s THERE!! you can change, and he’ll change. The possibility for going deeper and getting committed is THERE!!

    But – if he’s already pulled away and “gone” – like this man in the letter – then what?

    The urge to call him is intense. You want a RE-DO!! We ALL want a re-do.

    And there’s no way to manage that. But…here’s the magic:

    He will show up again. Yes he will. He will either meet another woman and fall in love and marry her (and then you KNOW he wasn’t your Mr. Right, simply couldn’t have been), or he’ll call you.

    Once he calls you – you are at “start” again. You are either the Siren you are now, or you are the “you” that you “were” when he stopped calling. THAT choice is up to YOU!!!

    So, Renee – I think he’ll call again. if you keep being happy, and going down your road, and riding your horse (yes, even with him ON it) – he’ll call.

    If he doesn’t – it wasn’t meant to be. I truly believe that.

    And if he does – there’s your “re-do”! Only – it’s not a redo. It’s a fresh start. Where you start is up to you.

    So – do the work. Use the Tools. Circular Date. Become the Siren you are. So when he shows up – and he will – you can be warm, open – AND diva-like (in a good way). You can be YOU. Totally.

    Every moment you spend wanting to call, wanting to contact, wanting to “re-do” is a moment you are undoing the great work you’ve been doing. Do NOT go BACKWARDS!!! Keep riding, keep dreaming, keep feeling, keep making choices that feel right – in spite of the fear and the voices in your head that are yelling at you to TAKE ACTION!!

    This is not a time to take action toward him – except to AGREE with him. To say “Thank you for letting me know, and I’ll miss you horribly, and I wish you the best, and look forward to being with you when all this clears up.”

    And that’s it.

    Try this on, and see how it feels.

    Love, Rori

    _______________



  59.  #59BeLoved on January 16, 2016 at 7:17 am

    Being a warm invitation is something I am wondering about.
    The guy who invited me to his house for a 2nd date, then disappeared and came back saying *I* disappeared, popped back up again with a “how are you doing?” text.
    I considered leaning back and being an open invitation, considered my experiences with him, and instead asked him to please stop contacting me.

    I remember now that when I was with him on the date, I felt numb and frozen. He wanted to continue the date but didn’t want to find a place to go. After saying a few times what it would feel fun to do but that I felt uncomfortable being the one to get on my phone and look up a place, we ended up just leaning against my car and talking. BECAUSE OMG HE COULDN’T GET ON HIS PHONE AND GOOGLE SOMETHING???

    So, am I doing this wrong? I feel like I’m validation-seeking because I’m comparing myself negatively to the story Rori posted.

    *sigh*
    And I’m just going to post anyway because I want some attention 😀



  60.  #60Indigo on January 16, 2016 at 8:27 am

    Beloved,

    The way I see it, there’s no right and wrong, there’s only what you can live with 🙂



  61.  #61Azure Blu on January 16, 2016 at 10:10 am

    Beloved…
    For me… I love it when a man gets on the phone and finds something fun and interesting for us to do!!
    I am in agreement with YOU!!

    If it were me… just as you have done…
    2 times and I don’t feel happy, having fun… interested…
    He’s OUT!!!

    YOU’RE the Prize, lovely Siren!!

    There are Lots of wonderful men out there!!
    and you’re setting yourself up to find HIM!!!



  62.  #62Liquid Light on January 16, 2016 at 11:01 am

    Millie 53

    Wow, those turnarounds are awesome! You are doing great with them!



  63.  #63Zara on January 16, 2016 at 11:01 am

    Beloved
    *****I’m comparing myself negatively to the story Rori posted.*****

    I would not compare both stories

    In Rori’s post, it’s about a man the woman wants and misses. He has been a great dater and she felt his enthusiasm and she had a glimpse of how it would feel to be loved by this man. She can’t let go of the picture she painted in her mind and she is hormonally attached.

    As opposed to your example, where the man did not show enthusiasm nor did he take initiative to create a great date. You don’t feel attached but deceived and frustrated, maybe bored even? I can see why you don’t wish to text away ad eternam with a stranger who does not follow through anyway. It is energy consuming and brings no value to your life. In this case, staying warm would be in the formula used to express that you are moving on.

    xxx



  64.  #64Liquid Light on January 16, 2016 at 11:03 am

    Zara 54

    Thanks so much for that link! I didn’t know about that site and about the facilitators. So cool!



  65.  #65Millie on January 16, 2016 at 12:06 pm

    Zara– thank you for your links and always sharing Rori’s words of wisdom.

    I feel overwhelmed right now and want to take space from thinking/processing all of this information and take a break from the M situation. Yesterday my heightened emotions left me feeling a bit tired and wanting to withdraw. I have a full weekend of fun/taking care of me events and I’m looking forward to continuing it!

    Thank you Liquid Light for your support and cheering!!

    Have a great weekend sirens!



  66.  #66April Rose on January 16, 2016 at 12:19 pm

    Beloved,

    While I agree that this fellow sounds a little flakey, I also wonder if there is something happening with you, in the sense of unspoken ‘challenge’ that may be being presented.

    In my own case I know I did this. Instead of being in a warm easy-breasy ‘every good thing is a bonus’ vibe, I got stuck in a resentful, unspoken ‘come on buddy, do your job’ mindset.

    It’s subtle. Yet I’m sure a man can detect the subtle things and pick up on them.

    I thought I was being feminine energy by hanging back, waiting. Yet I was silently urging the man on with my unspoken rules about what he should be doing. And I judged him when he didn’t deliver.

    I would try an experiment next time. If only for my own lightness and well being. If he wasn’t coming forth with a plan, I would say “You know what? I really feel like drinking a tasty hot chocolate in …Bistro. It feels so cosy and fun in the candlelight there”.

    Following Rori or any other coach, puts me in danger of following ‘rules’. When really the only rule I want to follow is Make this as Pleasant an Experience for Myself as I Can!!! And often, for me, softness is the way to feel good.



  67.  #67Indigo on January 16, 2016 at 1:24 pm

    April Rose,

    “Following Rori or any other coach, puts me in danger of following ‘rules’. When really the only rule I want to follow is Make this as Pleasant an Experience for Myself as I Can!!! And often, for me, softness is the way to feel good.”

    I agree with this so much. This is why I experiment with leaning forward every now and again, because it puts me more in a “soft flow” place, and less in a stiff, rigid, “waiting” place. To be perfectly honest, if the energy is feeling good with a man, there is nothing wrong at all with telling him what you think, what you prefer, and giving him a suggestion. As long as you are not being pushy or bossy or taking over, there’s no reason there can’t be more of a give and take, flow energy to a dating scenario. Holding onto a thought of “he should be doing this and he isn’t” is extremely damaging I’ve found…. that’s when you either need to step into the space with your own doing energy (very gentle works well here), or speaking up, or letting him go. Holding onto resentment is absolutely a No for being with a man.



  68.  #68Indigo on January 16, 2016 at 1:27 pm

    Also as I’ve said before, it’s your energy that men can feel, rather than what you’re ACTUALLY saying or doing. Rules are a killer. You need to look at your intention for doing a particular thing, and if you have an agenda. If your intention is light and pure and fun, and completely non-controlling, you cannot do the wrong thing. I’ve learnt that if a man feels good and safe to be himself around you, then everything you do comes across as feminine and enchanting.



  69.  #69April Rose on January 16, 2016 at 2:43 pm

    “If your intention is light and pure and fun, and completely non-controlling, you cannot do the wrong thing.”

    This feels yummy to read. It touches a place of truth in my heart. Thank you dear Indigo.



  70.  #70BeLoved on January 16, 2016 at 7:18 pm

    Azure Blu and Zara – thank you for clarity, I appreciate that!

    April Rose and Indigo – I always feel so fascinated hearing about your experiences, thank you!

    On another note…I felt my way through a challenging trigger today. TG was angry and upset because OMG THE WHITE CARPET HAS STUFF ON IT!!! Okay, no that isn’t the real reason, I don’t believe, but that’s how it was expressed. I got, by text, a rant and told that I can’t dye my hair in the bathroom anymore because there were a couple of dye spots on the wall THAT HAVE BEEN THERE SINCE JULY and et cetera.

    Ohh….I felt so many feels! It was amazing!! My heart rate skyrocketed, I felt adrenaline dump into my system. I could FEEL my eyes dilate. I felt shakey and trembling, it felt hard to breathe. I sank deep into my feelings, breathed some space to welcome them (and ohhh, after feeling so lethargic so long I honestly DO love it when I feel this massive ALIVENESS).
    Ok. I looked around, right and left, right and left. Am I really safe? Yes. No immediate discernible danger.
    I began affirming. I am safe. I am safe. I am safe. I am safe, all is well. I could hear Louise Hay saying it with so much love and compassion in my mind.
    I am safe.
    While I’ve got the mantra running on one track of my mind, I am noticing all of the stories, defenses, clever responses, ways of tossing it back to him…all of the plans and plots to RUN and so much fear. Multiple scenarios of calling my relatives who are cops to come BE there and be an intimidating presence so he couldn’t threaten me, wishing I had more male friends to look out for me and maybe threaten him, how I will pack up and leave in the middle of the day so he won’t know..all kinds of scenarios played out in my mind.

    Okay, okay, I am safe. I am safe. All is well.
    Thank you for this trigger. Thank you for these feelings. What is the lesson I need to learn?

    Then I remembered two lines from A Course in Miracles:
    In my defenselessness, my safety lies.
    My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability.

    The second one made me giggle, and the spell broke. I remembered to wrap us both in big pink sparlking blankets of love and compassion in my imagination. I leaned back in my seat, getting closer and closer to home. I felt strong and competent, and like I could face him and his anger.

    As I parked, I felt inspired to text him back – “I hear you, I’m sorry. There is birthday cake in the fridge!”

    Once I got inside, I felt so calm and happy and relaxed and easy breezy. TG came in, I could tell he felt tense and ready to rant. I smiled at him and asked if he had gotten my text, then we started chatting. Yes, I had gotten his. He relaxed and we talked more about it, and he knows he’s being unreasonable (FOUR people in a house with white carpet…sh!t’s NOT going to stay white!).

    One of the things is how he is remembering things – in his mind, he JUST had the carpet professionally cleaned and it’s already dirty. He had it cleaned in June last year. In his mind, he is THE ONLY PERSON WHO DOES ANYTHING and when I reminded him of all of the times he has actually seen and praised me for all of the stuff I do, he dismissed it as being One Time a Long Time Ago (last week?).

    So, while I know it isn’t personal, it still feels devaluing. I believe this is a common interaction, and I’m wondering what a more “sireny” response would be.

    In the meantime, I am looking for another place to live, because the house *is* for sale after all. In the meantime, I am enjoying the practice.



  71.  #71Femininewoman on January 17, 2016 at 6:38 am

    Oh wow Beloved. How freaking conscious you are 🙂 🙂



  72.  #72Dixie on January 17, 2016 at 9:22 am

    Beloved….bravo!! I loved how you handled that situation by staying true to your feelings and still remaining open!



  73.  #73BeLoved on January 17, 2016 at 12:09 pm

    Dixie and FeminineWoman, thank you, it feels good to be seen and acknowledged and I feel praised 🙂

    After listening to the recording Zara shared of Dr. Pat Allen, I thought a feminine way to invite TG to go hiking with me. I told him I felt like going hiking next weekend and asked him what did he think about driving me up there and checking it out?

    He said he would pencil it in…haha, and I told him I’m going regardless, then he started coming up with ideas for inviting other people and making it a group thing, which I imagine would feel really fun 🙂
    I’ll be going no matter what he does, which feels balanced and right.

    I feel so happy and satisfied 🙂

    Today’s mantra is: I am Divine.



  74.  #74Azure Blu on January 17, 2016 at 3:03 pm

    Beloved…
    Ahhh.. YEs, lovely Siren
    YOU are Divine!!
    Thank you soo much for sharing your tools
    and how you managed a VERY stressful situation
    with someone who NOT ONLY is your roommate
    BUT also YOUR landlord!!

    I too am inspired and in awe…
    and then – with open heart and vulnerability
    asked him to plan on a hike with you (and whomever)
    oxoxo



  75.  #75Azure Blu on January 17, 2016 at 3:07 pm

    April Rose #65
    This is Beautiful!!!

    ” If only for MY own lightness and WELL BEING.
    If he wasn’t coming forth with a plan,
    I would say “You know what?
    I really feel like drinking a tasty hot chocolate in …Bistro.
    It feels so cosy and fun in the candlelight there”.

    Yes, I do agree… it is sooo nice to stop the hanging back (when used as a challenge) and to show some interest… I do notice men respond amazingly to this!!



  76.  #76Azure Blu on January 17, 2016 at 3:08 pm

    Indigo #67
    Ahhhh… warm, soft and inviting…
    Love it!!
    oxoxo



  77.  #77BeLoved on January 19, 2016 at 8:07 am

    April Rose and Azure Blu – I was feeling soft and inviting with the guy. I don’t know the area we were in and he LIVES there. He did make 2 suggestions – go to my place (er, no), or..he said the only other place he knew of (although we were on a super busy highway in the middle of town) was a swingers’ club down the street. Also No.
    Then he wanted me to spend the night for our second date, and poofed when I said I didn’t feel comfortable with that, then the resurfacing and first trying to put the poofing on ME, then acting as if none of it had ever happened.

    I asked a few male friends, and they laughed and one of them said, “He must have thought you were desperate.” Which fits with my experience of him and a lot of things we talked about which I won’t get into here.

    I appreciate feeling challenged on this because it helps me see even more clearly that I can trust myself, my choices, and my instincts.
    Suddenly I’m experiencing a different level of men coming towards me and it feels..exactly how I’ve been practicing in my meditations 🙂 Fun, captivating, enticing, exhilirating, juicy, delicious, easy, secure, like home, safe, open…etc., etc.

    happythankyoumoreplease!



  78.  #78nyx on January 23, 2016 at 9:15 am

    @Beloved

    So, the alternatives here were “do you want to sleep with me or do you want to sleep with me AND a few other people?” Ehhh…
    Well, my experience is that it is always great to ask a guy to interpret male behaviour- just as we always can see what a girl is communicating: “she is shy”, “she isn’t shy, she is stringing you along”, “she doesn’t want any relationship with you, not even to date you, but she feels uncomfortable telling you that”.
    BUT: you could, on top of receiving that interpretation, addte one that he finds you sexy. Enough to try, then try again. And, as he couldn’t come up with any appealing alternative- just, as you did- say no.
    Me myself, I am going to practice your mantra: ” I am divine.” Thank you for that suggestion 🙂