How To Get Past Your Expectations And Hopes To The REAL Of A Relationship


The Question:

A man who seems a bit uncertain, or confused, or tentative – just turns me off.  What do I do?

My Answer:

I go with this attitude, regardless of whether it’s true or not, or what I think about it:
ALL men need to be trained.
They need to be trained to ME.
They have to hear me give clear instructions.
Physically, oooing and ahhing when it feels good, moving their hand to another place on my body when I want to.
Communication in words – speaking to me in a new way if I feel constantly triggered by how they speak to me.

Hearing me instead of instructing me, and yes, clearly letting me know if I’m triggering (or boring!) them – not to make each other WRONG, but to help each other know who we are, and how best to communicate!
If they’re kind of “tentative” and holding back – I just let myself go more, bringing juice to the party.
The more they are confused, the more I am vulnerable and transparent.
I am aware of myself shutting down because they’re not matching my expectations or wishes or fantasies.
I learn to speak and share and flirt and PLAY.
And this is just the beginning.
I know about myself that it would feel amazing if a good man was right out of one of my romance books, knowing what he wants, and moving forward confidently and surely and charmingly – and that’s an expectation I let go of.
I will teach him to be attuned to me.
He can be himself with me, however that is.
And I will always know that he loves, admires, appreciates and feels turned onto me, as me.
If I expect and want things he can’t do well at this moment – he can learn.
I don’t expect him to “read me”.
I do expect him to make the time and effort to “learn me”.
What I truly need and want is a partner.
I look for partnership.
That a man will be willing and eager to learn to be attuned to me.
This is what genuine intimacy is, and what it constantly creates.
I take responsibility for sharing all my feelings, rather than expecting him to know, or to guess.
I am, as a woman, the genesis, the origin of power that will bring pleasure of all kinds to me.
This applies to everything, words, emotions, conversation, dates, sex…
Love, Rori
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