How To Make Happiness – Even If You Feel Hurt…

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Hi, This is Rori,

Have you ever been in pain over a relationship, and a friend comes along and tells you to “relax” – and that just sounds to you like “suck it up” – or some other dismissive, easy thing for them to say?

I’ve always felt even worse when someone says something like that, and so my work has always been about NOT denying your pain – but experiencing it, working with it, accepting it, feeling it, loving it, embracing it – and moving through it.

That’s why, when I develop a Tool that has anything to do with “positive thinking,” I want you to know how it fits in to my whole Rori Raye methods and techniques.

I don’t even use the word: “positive“!

Instead of “labeling” anything at all (for me, labeling is an entirely mental – and therefore masculine – idea) I like to use words like “good feeling feelings” – that share your “feeling state” as simply and body-sensation-based as possible.

In this Tool – I want to show you a way to work with “good feeling” and “happy” thoughts that’s not meant for you to RESIST your pain – but to build, amplify, grow – and BREED more “good feeling” and Happy thoughts and feelings.

So… Ever heard that phrase – “No pain no gain”? As frustrating and pretty much obnoxious as that sounds – it’s true in a way – because on your road to Happy Ever After, whenever you move forward in your mind, heart, spirit, relationship and life, there are always Growing Pains.

It’s how we deal with the growing pains that makes all the difference about what happens next – and we can learn to USE even pain to help us get what we want.

If we’re used to experiencing pain in Love, then when we’re confronted with happiness, our minds get scared – it’s like happiness “does not compute.”

And our scared minds then do what’s automatic for them – they bounce us back into pain.

So this is our experience: Pain breeds more pain. And yet, becasue we instinctively “resist” happiness, happiness bounces us back into pain.

Therefore, we start to feel and believe that happiness is random, and pain is the constant in our lives.

Does this sound familiar?

Do you see yourself repeating the same kinds of patterns – being attracted to the same kind of man, getting involved too quickly, focusing on one man instead of on your own desires for yourself, focusing on your man instead of your own passion for your own life, always expecting the “other shoe to drop” and hurt to show it’s ugly face again?

Well – here’s the missing piece: If pain breeds more pain – then doesn’t it make sense that happiness could actually breed more HAPPINESS?

There are lots of reasons for “The Bounce” back into pain, and for now, let’s do a simple Tool to undo the Bouncing:

TOOL: BREED HAPPINESS:

1. Say to yourself: Happiness makes more happiness. Happiness is the child of happiness. Therefore, I am now in the business of making more happiness for myself.

2. Say it to yourself as much as a can….

3. Now do this: Start noticing what happens inside you when you say this to yourself. Do you automatically bounce back to “resistance”? Like “How dare you tell me to be happy! What do YOU know about happy?”

4. Fall In Love with that voice inside you that told you off, that told you you’re a fool for even thinking about being happy, talking about it, thinking you know anything about being happy, or that you even DESERVE to be happy. Fall in Love with ALL that “push-back.”

5.  Stop yourself as often as you can and just notice where you’re at. Are you “thinking?” What are you thinking about?

*Say the happiness mantra and see if you get “push-back.”

*Fall in Love with the “Push-back” voice. Notice how your body is feeling and where it’s feeling it. If there’s a tension and a painful thought happening, notice it. Fall in love with it!

6. See what’s in front of you: gently redirect your energy to what’s going on around you – trees, flowers, books, the carpet, the furniture…

7. If you notice a “happy” thought drifting through your mind, notice if you’re smiling, or laughing, or that your shoulders suddenly relax and your throat loosens up…and then notice if that happy thought leads you to another happy thought – or if it goes right to the “push-back” bounce.

8. If pain or a painful thought shows up (remember the Bounce is going to continue to happen – it’s what you DO with it that counts…), then say this to yourself: “Pain – I love you! Icky, nasty thought – I Love you! You’re helpful to me! I will never abandon you, and now I’m going to look at a flower…”

9. Think of EVERYTHING as a Tool. Everything, no matter how it feels to you, looks to you, or what ANYONE says to you about it can be USED.

You can use anything and everything that happens, in some way, no matter how small, to keep you on your rightful track to your very own, all-the-time Happy Ever After – which can start for you this very moment!

If you’re looking for a live coaching program that’s effective and affordable, where you get constant attention, support, Scripting, and Rori Raye coaches and I helping you consistently and constantly – try-out Siren Island!

Coach Natalina Love was on last week, being brilliant and coaching almost 24/7! – and Shellie Lee is now taking over this week (though I’ve seen at least 4 coaches there every day, and I’m always posting and coaching).

I feel amazed by how much in your love life can change just from getting coached on the Island. You have only $1 to gamble for an entire 7 days of coaching to see if the Island feels like home to you….go here to try it out:

http://www.coachrori.com/siren-island/

Love, Rori

 

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7 Comments

  1.  #1Megan on December 10, 2017 at 11:47 am

    Ladies,

    I made a big mistake by rewarding this guy’s bad behavior…we had been messaging back and forth for a long time and we had a big argument that we were supposed to discuss over the phone…long story short he was busy and left me hanging for 2 weeks for a set time frame to make the call. I got angry and kind of lashed out. He dropped the matter completely and left me hanging.

    4 mos later (I had him blocked from messaging) I wrote him asking if we could try again. He apologized and I thanked him for it, but then also was complimenting him on his upcoming project, telling him i was impressed. I feel I was way too soft, telling him “there’s no rush, I’m not sure how you’ll feel after xyz…I’d like to catch up with you but we can play it by ear”
    His response was, “you’re right, I might just want to relax immediately after xyz, I’ll give you an update!”
    To which he never did. Ghosted, twice.
    Did I teach him it’s okay to “pull a dick move” (his words) ??
    Gutted at myself for how I handled this…I was trying to stay warm and open :/



  2.  #2Indigo on December 10, 2017 at 11:05 pm

    Megan,

    I really wouldn’t feel bad or beat yourself up if I were you. I’ve done the same thing numerous times before.

    You thought you were doing the right thing; you were doing your best. You were trying to be caring and understanding. There’s no shame in that.

    I can’t say for sure since I don’t know what was said or done in your argument, but it sounds to me like this guy can’t do a relationship.



  3.  #3Grace on December 11, 2017 at 5:59 am

    Rori I love and appreciate these tools so very much!
    Throughout my whole experience with LD, I used them over and over. Falling in love with the experience, being present with the ick, getting back on my horse again and again. When LD would withdraw I would summon every bit of strength I had to turn away and focus on ME.

    I felt myself waking up as if from a spell or a trance. I felt that I was going deep into old trauma and reclaiming long-lost parts of myself. Picking up pieces of myself and loving them along the way and feeling very, very, very clear for maybe the first time in my life that I WAS NOT CAUSING the abuse, and through feeling messages and leaning back, realizing that this man was hurting me ON PURPOSE. I stopped wondering whether he was ‘triggered’ and what I could do to ‘help’ his poor tortured soul and focused on the fact that my needs were not getting met and I needed to get the h3ll out of dodge.

    Since then some things have gotten WAY better and I’ve also experienced MORE conflict at work because I refuse to tolerate shady behavior and poor treatment. I see more clearly who is and isn’t truly being a good friend to me. I have massively shifted behavior from obsessing over an ex as I did many years ago (Facebook stalking, driving by the ex’s house, trying to be “friends”, finding all sorts of reasons to stay in contact, trying to get gossip on what the ex is doing, etc.) to really, sincerely, honestly feeling like wanting to be DONE with the whole mess.

    He has shown up at my job and one of my co-workers couldn’t wait to tell me. I told him I don’t want to hear about it and if he comes by again (he has drummed up allegedly legitimate business reasons to be there) unless there is some reason to believe I might be in danger. I worked with mutual acquaintances the other night and they both brought him up to me and I cut them off abruptly. “I don’t want to hear about/talk about LD. We aren’t together anymore and I’m not in touch with him.” Period. Full stop.
    One of them changed the subject without skipping a beat, the other made a few attempts to engage but I just raised my eyebrows and looked straight at her like she was crazy and she scurried away. 🙂

    I feel so strong and powerful. I feel so good about myself. I feel good about the strength of my resolve.
    And here I am, with the pain and the ick and all of it, feeling lost in the world and uncertain of my future and unsure what to do with my life and how to move forward and am practicing loving and forgiving every part that comes up.

    Not only does happiness breed more happiness, but courage breeds more courage.
    I was probably among the worst of the worst as far as mental/emotional issues go, wildly attracted to toxicity and finding it exhilarating yet step by step I’ve felt my way through.

    I can’t tell you how horrible and agonizing it has felt to use the falling to my knees tool and feel unbearable anguish of feeling as if my heart is literally tearing apart. AND…Rori taught me to be kind to myself and instead of going into suffering and wallowing in it, I picked myself up off the floor. Sobbing hysterically and hand on my heart, another part of me, gentle and kind, coached me through it. “Come one love, don’t lie here on the floor. Let’s get you some tea and an epsom salt bath. We can sob hysterically in the tub with some soft music, soft lighting and tea.”

    An older/younger part of me wants to chime in and give up, throw myself away to prove how deeply hurt I have felt, to PROVE how much damage he inflicted. LOOK WHAT HE DID TO ME PLEASE SEE MY PAIN AND PLEASE HELP!
    I feel myself draaaaag my arse back up on to my horse, exhausted. I lean on to the horse and allow her strength to carry me until I can see the forest and the meadows and the sun again.
    F*ck that guy! He is an infinitesimal atom in an infinite universe and I’m moving on.

    I feel happy, even in the midst of the soup.
    happythankyoumoreplease!



  4.  #4cindyloowho on December 11, 2017 at 7:29 pm

    this is gr8…



  5.  #5Megan on December 11, 2017 at 9:48 pm

    Thanks for that response, Indigo 🙂

    He’s not able to do relationship, and I clung on to hope, thinking he would realize when he sees me again, and his feelings would come back (stronger).

    We’re long distance, and he felt very strongly for me very quickly upon meeting, even said it felt like ‘he was in love’, then, after the distance, he wasn’t so sure. He also point blank stated  that we couldn’t have the future we both wanted due  to the age gap. He is 22 and I’m 31. He also said he found it hard  to just let go of me, which definitely fed into my hope.

    I know this is riddled with red flags, and I’m finally sincerely moving on, but am trying to learn from this and become more aware  of myself and what hooks me in. I’m starting to believe that I’m definitely anxious attachment style and any kind of ‘no’, whether logical or not, I find a  way to interpret as my fault.



  6.  #6Megan on December 11, 2017 at 10:11 pm

    Grace,

    I loved reading your whole comment. I know exactly the kind of people you’re talking about. Ugh. I used to work in a daycare surrounded by the fakest, faux ‘Christian’, one~uppers. They would dwell (in an overly ‘concerned’ way, of course) on any piece of negative information they could find. You need that like you need a whole in the head! So I loved when you stared her down and she scurried off!

    I can tell that you are making leaps and bounds of progress, and I know, you got this. We’re all here for you 😉
    ((((hugs))))



  7.  #7Grace on December 15, 2017 at 9:51 pm

    Megan thank you, it feels good to feel supported and encouraged. 🙂

    I feel self-conscious and embarrassed that I thought at one point LD actually loved me even more and that our relationship had taken a turn for the better once he got on meds. I feel sad that it wasn’t true, and I feel sad for who I had to be to make it through that time because I felt I had no other acceptable options.

    I feel ashamed that I opened my mouth to talk about my ex to a near-stranger I was working with tonight. I feel scolding of myself and I feel a sick feeling in my belly that I’ve done something icky and harmful to myself. I feel embarrassed that it happened without me even really noticing what I was doing. I feel a tug to the left to ruminate and punish myself over it and I feel a tug to the right to be easy and breathe. I lean to the right and notice I feel fear.

    What do I feel afraid of?
    I fear that person’s judgment.
    Which is really…I fear my own judgment of myself.
    Thank you fear, I love you fear. I’m breathing you through, up from my belly and releasing in deep exhalations.

    Time for sleep.