How To Manage The Men Who Show Up

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There were so many brilliant comments and questions to my post on what to do if you’re Attracting Low Quality Men…so check out the comments, and I’ll answer them here…

First – Daria...about going to see this man.  A platonic male friend is one thing (When I’ve had those in my life – it was clear they would have wanted more with me (unless they were gay) than I wanted with them – and I was just happy for the company – so when I saw them I ALWAYS felt their energy coming toward me.  It made no difference who came to who. )

You must decide.  Don’t fool yourself.  If you want more than friendship with this man, and you don’t want to be chauffeuring any man, and it doesn’t FEEL good to go to him, then don’t.  Look – this is ALL about practice, about experimenting.  Sometimes you have to do things a few times to GET how you actually FEEL about doing them.

Don’t worry about making mistakes.  Just practice FEELING your way through situations.  If the cloud lifts, then you feel GOOD.  Just try to get a bead on what feels good, what you like…learn to follow your intuition.

Confusion often is simply RESISTANCE to what your real feelings are.  As though your head and all your old patterns are trying to make something work that doesn’t actually feel good.  Sometimes you just have to experiment to see who you really are and what you really want and like, and what really feels good to you.

Alias Girl – Reshi’s comment says it all.  This is how it works.  I’m going to reprint it right here so we can jump off of it later:

“When I first started working with Rori’s tools, I pretty much immediately noticed that I was starting to get more attention from, like, creepy guys on the bus. And of course I felt bad about myself and was thinking “oh, look, I only attract creepy guys on the bus, maybe I’m not good enough for a decent man, how did I ever get my husband attracted to me because I’m certainly not good enough for him!”

But I kept it up anyway and I’ve gradually started getting more attention from my husband and my male coworkers. And today I was REALLY blown away because, not once but TWICE I was just going about my business when an INCREDIBLY handsome man–the kind of guy I would never expect to even register my presence on his radar–looked at me, made eye contact, and smiled. (I was even *more* blown away by the fact that I was able to accept this occurrence as natural and just smile back and not get all flustered.)

I think we’re all worth a million times more than we try to tell ourselves, and we really can have exactly what we want if we just allow ourselves to. I believe this now more than ever.”

Reshi, thank you for making this all so clear.

Also – Alias Girl – When I first answered your question, I wasn’t aware that some of these men were online.  Just delete the messages and don’t answer.  I want you to ALWAYS feel SAFE with yourself – and the need to answer back is our training in “politeness” and has to do with our need for ‘closure.”

I want you to STOP looking for Closure and simply walk away when it doesn’t feel good.

However, many decent guys who are simply “clueless” have very “low-class” tastes and language – and THAT can be fixed.  Anyone can change that about themselves, along with quitting all kinds of icky habits – if they WANT to.  That’s where your work comes in.

Either a man shifts when you shift to loving yourself and stopping servicing him and every man who shows up – even with “politeness” – or he doesn’t.

There is no need for any EFFORT on your part.

Now, Reshi – about your situation with your husband. I’ve had clients in that situation – and some have turned around and some haven’t, but what we’re going to have to start talking about here is SEX.

Basically – and I’m going to lay this out – you want to be about turning YOURSELF on. I mean everything from pole dancing class to every-day self-pleasuring to erotic reading to porn designed for women, to fantasy…to getting really comfortable in your own skin and raising your oxytocin.

We have to create both SAFETY and FIRE in your relationship, and we’ll know pretty quickly if we can turn this around.

When I name the new category, I’ll link it to this post.

Let me know how this advice helps you…Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Daria on October 14, 2008 at 11:24 am

    Reshi also an exercise I found online about raising and balancing female sexual energy…

    it’s called the Chinese Deer Exercise for Women.

    It’s much about getting deeply in touch with your body and energy in a very non threatening way. I just started practicing it and I like how it feels very sensual and yet emotionally safe and caring.

  2.  #2Daria on October 14, 2008 at 11:31 am

    Rori thank you!

    I was feeling that the universe is really testing me here… i just had a cute guy from the past who suddenly started calling me and wanting to see me… Again the driving issue came up (I think I’m bringing this on energy wise LOL)… I used to go see one of his friends… and now I said I don’t want to go see men… he said that sounds dumb… (I was already feeling upset and impatient because of other guy)… I said I feel angry now and I don’t know what to say… he said blah blah (well really he said I see I see…) and I said ok and I hung up! LOL oops… I feel like I pushed him away… he has not called back… he seemed like he thought I was “playing” with him and didn’t really want to see him (told him I do).

    Anyways I was feeling awful but I did this self-hypnosis thing I learned how to do from Wendi Friesen… I closed my eyes, counted down, said in my mind all outside sounds are relaxing me and putting me deeper into trance… looked at the “velvety darkness” behind my eyes… then gave myself instructions… I feel good because I Know there is a guy, lots of guys that want to come pick me up…I did your waterwheel hundred men exercise… and I feel free and compassionate and connected to nature… and all my guilt and resistance I took and stuck to a tree which sucked it up and used it as nourishment… then all this will become true when I open my eyes as I count back from 3 2 1 and I open my eyes! WOO HOOO ! Tallk about instant emotion change… I feel fine now! YAY!

  3.  #3Daria on October 14, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    oh did i mentioned the guy who said that me not driving sounded dumb… also said he “feels really turned off now!” LOOOL isn’t that our line…

    hahaha this feels hilarious to me now…

  4.  #4Reshi on October 14, 2008 at 1:36 pm

    Hahaha Daria, it sounds like you just got a Feeling Message from a Feminine Energy man…NEXT! 😉

    I will definitely check out the exercise you found. Thanks so much! 😀

  5.  #5Reshi on October 14, 2008 at 1:40 pm

    And thanks so much Rori, that definitely sounds like the most fun advice I’ve ever gotten…I used to be into all those kinds of things on my own but I’ve definitely fallen out of touch with my own sensuality over the years and especially after I started actually *being* sexual with a man. Yeah, it doesn’t even make sense, but that’s what happened…

  6.  #6alias girl on October 14, 2008 at 3:38 pm

    thank you rori! yes, i can definitely feel and am experiencing that as I shift so do the men in my life. (so does everything in my life!) even some men from my past when i interact with them are different. some of them have manged to outgirl me but some of them seem to kind of flow with me as we venture into a higher softer more divine and trusting way way of being with one another.

  7.  #7alias girl on October 14, 2008 at 11:03 pm

    so now i feel compassion and soft. the men on my dating site must have read somewhere that women don’t like to go to the movies as a first date. because so many men have in their profile for first date suggestions NO MOVIES let’s go somewhere we can talk! and its so sweet and cute and so many men just want to please us and bc of the last couple of generations of women’s lib, women in the work force, women accidentally becoming predominantly male energy- bc of all that a lot of men are just as confused and hurt as women. and so i feel remorse for all the times a man was just trying to please me and i was misinterpreting as weakness, or rudeness, or disinterest.or however i mistakenly interpretted their behavior. even recently online dating i was interpreting a man’s lack of questions as a lack of interest or an inability to carry a conversation so i would just stop emailing and think they weren’t going to be good catches. but i’ve just this last couple of men been experimenting with emailing back trying to match where they’re coming from and then it seemed once they felt = was interested they got REALLY excited!!! usinng exclamtion points and just very enthusiastic. and now i feel remorse for any men in the past when i might have hurt their feelings. it feels like a burning in behind my nose and my eyes welling up with tears. i wish i could heal everyonein the world so no one ever got their feelings hurt. ifeel jugemental about that statement. likes it’s stupid and childish. itfeels like a really mean ugly tight face. hah. like i used to walk around with a lot before !! ahah hah 🙂

  8.  #8Daria on October 15, 2008 at 1:57 am

    oh my gosh alias girl that IS so cute!! I hope you do heal everyone YAY!!

  9.  #9Rori Raye on October 15, 2008 at 10:52 am

    Alias Girl – totally beautiful. You are now creating SAFETY for a man by loving YOURSELF – Dark, ugly, icky parts, warts and toads and all – so a man can open himself up to you.

    This is COMPLETELY different from SERVING a man, or being “Nice” or “Understanding” or “Giving him the benefit of the doubt” or tolerating any kind of bad behavior that feels bad to you.

    This is instead more – not taking personally things a man does just because he’s scared or clueless, and yet not LEANING FORWARD in an effort to HELP him.

    You sort of let a man be, just as he is, and YOU be who you are, loving yourself, then he feels safe, he opens up, you accept and appreciate him, even though it might be scary because there’s a lot more intimacy and you may be a lot more open than you’re used to being.. – and everyone heals!

    Love, Rori