There were so many brilliant comments and questions to my post on what to do if you’re Attracting Low Quality Men…so check out the comments, and I’ll answer them here…
First – Daria...about going to see this man. A platonic male friend is one thing (When I’ve had those in my life – it was clear they would have wanted more with me (unless they were gay) than I wanted with them – and I was just happy for the company – so when I saw them I ALWAYS felt their energy coming toward me. It made no difference who came to who. )
You must decide. Don’t fool yourself. If you want more than friendship with this man, and you don’t want to be chauffeuring any man, and it doesn’t FEEL good to go to him, then don’t. Look – this is ALL about practice, about experimenting. Sometimes you have to do things a few times to GET how you actually FEEL about doing them.
Don’t worry about making mistakes. Just practice FEELING your way through situations. If the cloud lifts, then you feel GOOD. Just try to get a bead on what feels good, what you like…learn to follow your intuition.
Confusion often is simply RESISTANCE to what your real feelings are. As though your head and all your old patterns are trying to make something work that doesn’t actually feel good. Sometimes you just have to experiment to see who you really are and what you really want and like, and what really feels good to you.
Alias Girl – Reshi’s comment says it all. This is how it works. I’m going to reprint it right here so we can jump off of it later:
“When I first started working with Rori’s tools, I pretty much immediately noticed that I was starting to get more attention from, like, creepy guys on the bus. And of course I felt bad about myself and was thinking “oh, look, I only attract creepy guys on the bus, maybe I’m not good enough for a decent man, how did I ever get my husband attracted to me because I’m certainly not good enough for him!”
But I kept it up anyway and I’ve gradually started getting more attention from my husband and my male coworkers. And today I was REALLY blown away because, not once but TWICE I was just going about my business when an INCREDIBLY handsome man–the kind of guy I would never expect to even register my presence on his radar–looked at me, made eye contact, and smiled. (I was even *more* blown away by the fact that I was able to accept this occurrence as natural and just smile back and not get all flustered.)
I think we’re all worth a million times more than we try to tell ourselves, and we really can have exactly what we want if we just allow ourselves to. I believe this now more than ever.”
Reshi, thank you for making this all so clear.
Also – Alias Girl – When I first answered your question, I wasn’t aware that some of these men were online. Just delete the messages and don’t answer. I want you to ALWAYS feel SAFE with yourself – and the need to answer back is our training in “politeness” and has to do with our need for ‘closure.”
I want you to STOP looking for Closure and simply walk away when it doesn’t feel good.
However, many decent guys who are simply “clueless” have very “low-class” tastes and language – and THAT can be fixed. Anyone can change that about themselves, along with quitting all kinds of icky habits – if they WANT to. That’s where your work comes in.
Either a man shifts when you shift to loving yourself and stopping servicing him and every man who shows up – even with “politeness” – or he doesn’t.
There is no need for any EFFORT on your part.
Now, Reshi – about your situation with your husband. I’ve had clients in that situation – and some have turned around and some haven’t, but what we’re going to have to start talking about here is SEX.
Basically – and I’m going to lay this out – you want to be about turning YOURSELF on. I mean everything from pole dancing class to every-day self-pleasuring to erotic reading to porn designed for women, to fantasy…to getting really comfortable in your own skin and raising your oxytocin.
We have to create both SAFETY and FIRE in your relationship, and we’ll know pretty quickly if we can turn this around.
When I name the new category, I’ll link it to this post.
Let me know how this advice helps you…Love, Rori