How To Reconnect With Him – Video

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Let’s talk about reconnecting with men.

This is such a phenomenal topic because when you start getting into all of the different Feminine Energy practices, where it’s all about “do nothing, lean back, feel your feelings, express yourself…”

When a man goes unresponsive or he withdraws, it can feel like a very scary experience of, well, how, how do I, how do I engage?

How do I bring him back?

The Transcript!:

If I’m not doing – I don’t want to screw this up. That’s another way that we all double down on ourselves is. Thinking that we can screw any of this up, when in reality, there are so many ways that men will fall back into our life, and then we’re starting from the ground up again.

Are, you know, are we, are we really expressing ourselves? Are we really feeling our feelings? Are we really giving the relationship the energy that it needs? There’s so much here.

Thank you, Natalina. Awesome. Just in case you’re wondering, yes, I’m beset by allergies. You can hear it and I haven’t taken any kind of herbs or pills yet.

So if you hear me sneeze or cough, that’s what’s going on. Reconnect Your Relationship is a program of mine, so I’ll put a link to that later so you can find that.

So let’s start with all the different ways that you could end up needing to reconnect. The ways to get disconnected and how that creates the whole new chapter for you of recreation, reconnection.

You could be married. And all of a sudden he starts to withdraw. All of a sudden the sex goes away. All of a sudden, the thrill goes away. All of a sudden the fun goes away.

All of a sudden you notice he’s spacing out. All of a sudden you notice he’s not caring for you. All of a sudden you notice he’s still there.

Shutting himself down. He’s focused on his phone. He’s focused on his work. He’s focused on anything but you. He’s literally distant. He’s not calling if it’s a relationship and you’re not living together. He’s not there. And then he calls everyone smile.

He texts. He talks about himself a little bit.

Nothing much happens. You go on a date. Uh, you have sex. And then that’s it. You don’t feel the romance. So there’s all those different areas of disconnection.

So please write in the comments so Natalina can field. What it is, uh, your situation is. Where is that disconnection being felt? And, let’s also decide if there ever was a connection.

If you’re just dating a guy, there never might have been a connection. But you’re feeling the disconnection that was actually there from the beginning.

Which means, not your guy. Most likely, but also let’s look at the common denominator here. There is nobody to look at, except for us, right? We’re the common denominator.

What is it that’s causing this disconnection? And before I even talk about that, I want to say clearly, when you start feeling blame, Or wanting to lay a cause or asking yourself why, and then you come back to you, ick. So let’s not look at this as a bad thing, something to blame. It’s always something to grow.

It’s always something to open up. There is no. And for any of us of how much we can open up. I realize how shut down I am so much of the time, so much of the time, and it feels sad.

There’s so many feelings so many emotions. Besides. Feeling hurt and feeling lonely that are there. It could be deep grief when all of a sudden something is missing that you felt was there.

And sometimes all that was there was a physical sexual chemistry. And if that all of a sudden feels gone, then the whole connection feels gone. Sometimes it’s a friendship part of it.

We don’t, there’s so many elements to every kind of relationship. So you tell me personally, please, what it is that is most.

Yes. All right, so I’m going to let Natalina field that to me so I can keep talking while, while it’s coming in. A couple scenarios when you don’t know your boyfriend’s thoughts and he’s always on his phone.

Okay. So let’s go to the core essence of what has to happen here for you using the new want process that I’ve created.

That’s a shortcut to everything you sit down to yourself and you go, what do I want? Not what’s missing, not, Oh my God, he’s on his phone because that shoves the whole thing over to him. Right?

We want to get back to us because not just because we want to blame ourselves, but because we’re the power source.

We are the solution. We are the amazingness. All we need to do sometimes is just trigger. Have you noticed that you just trigger a good feeling and like an idea comes to your head.

This happened to me yesterday and all of a sudden your whole body shifts and your whole mental state shifts and all of a sudden you feel active again.

You feel motivated. You want to do something. We all have experienced that. All of a sudden we get in the zone. These happen from moment to moment, right?

So what affects us? It’s not random. We can kind of keep track of what is it that makes us feel full and alive and awake. And we can repeat that, right? We can just do it again or not do it again.

So let’s say that your boyfriend is on his phone. So it’s easy to go. He’s on his phone. I need him to do this. And you focus on him. No, you’re leaning forward.

No, you want to focus on what I want. I want to feel connected. I want him to look in my eyes. I want to be looked at. I want to be felt. I want to feel somebody’s eyes on me where it’s terrifying.

And then you go, Oh, maybe I feel scared of that. And that’s why I’ve picked a man who’s looking at his phone instead of me. What would it feel like if I open up to a man who is constantly looking at me, constantly connecting with me? Would I be terrified?

And the answer is yes. If we are constantly We’re choosing men who are distracted and not focused on us enough of the time to make us feel like that’s the quotient of the relationship.

We’re choosing that, not for bad, but because our insides want to protect us and want to protect the part that’s terrified of real intimacy, real connection, right?

So if we’re disconnected, ask ourselves, where am I feeling afraid of that connection? Why am I choosing? This disconnection and just wanting to blame him.

Does that make sense? So it’s where you’re putting your focus, your energy and what you’re entertaining. So I’m entertaining. Maybe I am feeling afraid of intimacy.

So you work on that with all my tools, which is opening to the walls, opening to the ceiling, opening to the dog, opening to the leaf, opening to the colors, opening to your own body self.

So it’s all kind of gooey. Relaxed and I’m feeling it and feeling everything open up and you’re feeling that and wow now I feel like doing a crossword puzzle now I feel like doing this now I feel like doing that and then we do those things and we just leave him out we just leave him out of this

And that’s the first thing of us wanting to connect and be open and magic happens, guys show up who want to be connected to us, your guy who is on this phone put it down and look at you, not because you thought of him but because you are about opening yourself up.

So that’s number one. Number two. After you’ve really assessed, and when I say assess here, I don’t mean what I normally mean by assess, which is analyze yourself and think about it and put grades and labels on yourself.

No, but you’re actually just getting in touch with, in tune with where your fear is, where your grief is, where your anger is, where you’re upset is, where you’re feeling of not enough is, where you’re not girlness, I’m wearing my girl.

Serve here. Let me know if you want one too. I love it. It makes me focus on entertaining the girl in me not the person that wants to control his behavior.

Okay, so after you’ve. Gotten this feeling of yourself and you want to express to him, but you got to stay in touch with what you found about yourself and got to stay real open, no matter how scared you are of talking to him.

You say, Hi, I really noticed that I don’t feel connected right now. I noticed that you’re on your phone a lot. And that’s totally fine. But I wonder if there’s anything that would help me feel more connected. You know, flutter your eyelashes, that’ll make you feel silly and silly feels good. Silly is girl.

Okay. It’s like, yeah, this is not a strategy. This is totally you feeling like you for a change, right? You hopefully for always, all the time.

And he’ll just go, what, what, what? And he might just get defensive. If he gets defensive. No. Number one, he’s just an offensive guy. There’s no way you can say it in words that is not going to set him off.

Or you said it in words. that we’re like, you are doing this. I prefer you not use you. So how could we rephrase that? Um, I noticed you’re on your phone.

It’s kind of hard not to say that and that’s okay, but it’s got to be, it’s not about you. It’s just like, I noticed that, um, say I feel really weird when we’re You know, everything else feels like we’re focused on our phone.

I, I, I want, feel more attention. It would feel great to have more attention. I’m, I’m craving attention right now. How’s that? Try that.

That’s pretty blatant and it might feel really scary to you. Try it. I feel the need for attention right now. Now you’re ignoring his behavior and you’re just talking about what you want.

Now he sits there and says, figure out how do I give her attention? How do I give her attention? And then he feels guilt and he feels all kinds of stuff. So he’s going to get defensive. Well, I have to make this phone call. I have to work out and he’ll just start explaining. You know, I know, I know. And. I just feel like I need attention and focus and connection and see what he does.

Maybe he’ll put his phone and come over and hug you, surprise, and maybe you’ll just clam up because you feel terrified. That would be the experiment. So that is the first process. Is that clear for the boyfriend situation? This is really, really good.

And I, I always, I always want to just kind of highlight the way that you say things, Rori, because I mean, we can type things out and say, you know, I really noticed you’re on your phone a lot, but our, you know, our, our emotional state, our mind could be racing with, and This is, this is hurting my feelings and you are hurting my feelings and actually putting blame out there of, well, you’re not really meeting my needs as a boyfriend.

And this is awful that like, that could be all of the energy coming out of us when, and, you know, if we strip back, if we come back, we lean back into what we really, really want. And there’s all kinds of wonderful tools to get us into this place of actually.

I’m just feeling really, really insecure right now.

And I want all of this attention on me right now. And it’s really, and meeting, meeting yourself in all of these places of, and it’s even really difficult for me to say this out loud because I’m so used to blaming myself or blaming someone, having, having the blame be somewhere. And if I was better, then you would be there for me when it’s there.

This whole relationship picture is so much bigger. So much bigger than that. That was genius. As far as I’m concerned, Natalina, you said it better than I did.

You really put it in the right words. So I’m going to just jump off of what you just did. The feelings, I’m feeling really insecure and blah, blah, blah.

Where I tend to go is I kind of skip past the, I feel insecure and everything in myself. And I go right to anger. I go right to feeling angry and shut down and blame. I go right to that inside myself. And then I disconnect from him more. That’s my thing. I do the disconnection.

When I sense that he is doing or not doing or not meeting my needs, as you stated so beautifully, I tend to start disconnecting even more.

Anybody feel that? Anybody relate to that? So I catch that all the time. Yes, I catch that all the time. That is my nature, to go off by myself, be an island, be a fiercely independent, as my husband calls that, being a, you know, conflict avoidant, all those things, to just insulate myself. So I need to notice that all the time.

I need to notice, wow, It’s me disconnecting. So what I have to walk in is hi, I’m feeling like I’m disconnecting. I’m feeling all shut down. I need more attention right now. I need to feel cared for and he’ll go. Defensive. Well, I did that, and that’s the moment when you have to stay strong and you just stand there and you have to keep your body so and you have to stay in yourself and not be triggered by the way he responds and you have to go.

This is what I would like. Take a deep breath. This is what I would like. I would like a hug. I would like. To feel your touch. I would like to feel an oh baby. I would like to feel an oh I’m so sorry. I would like to feel you close to me. Now can you see that that’s totally Asking for what I want instead of telling him what I don’t like about what he did.

This is hard. This takes practice. So this is what I want you to practice. So you do it yourself, put your guy in front of you. Imagine the situation as you remember it, the one that just happened and go back through what you want. Really get your body into a place and practice saying it to him. In specifics, after the first, I want to feel like I need more connection, I feel everything that Natalina said.

If you get a reaction from him that’s like, give me direction, what do I do? Because most men cannot figure it out. You’re going to have to basically give instructions and you don’t want to tell him you do this, you do this, you do this, you do this. And same, same as at work, you don’t want to say you, you, you, but you do have to lead.

So you have to express it. In a completely different way, which is this is what is needed work wise. And this is what I need right now. Was that helpful? All right, so that works in marriage. That works in a relationship that you’re living with somebody. It works in a long term relationship when you’re not living with them.

It works in a non committed relationship. It works in a boyfriend situation. Do we want to talk about where there is actual separation? Where he’s actually, he’s actually broken up for a while or you haven’t heard from him in a while? Anything like that?

I absolutely do. I absolutely do. We also have some questions around more phone, phone stuff when a man just disappears on the other side of a texting conversation, which we talk about texting a lot, like more senses present, you want to smell their skin.

You want to. So if you’re, if you’re starting out in a relationship, this is, of course, you’re going to feel the whole, Yeah, absolutely.

The whole symphony of emotions within you of, oh, he just disappeared. That’s strange. We were texting all day, every day, and then just poof, he’s gone. And that can feel really disorienting.

But at the same time, it’s, it’s kind of like, well, we didn’t really know him. We didn’t really know him, but all of our emotions got invested. Do you have to say anything about that?

Oh, yeah, stay away from texting as much as you possibly can. I realize that feels like your only option, but texting is terrible because you don’t get the actual feeling.

It can be misinterpreted. It’s very hard to say nearly anything without it being interpreted by the other person by their standards. If what I Believe in what I say to everyone who’s dating, who’s texting, even if you’re married and you’re texting back and forth with your husband, keep it real short.

Use a lot of emojis.

Emojis are out there for a reason. You’re getting them in emails all the time now because they are an emotional hit.

And they say a lot in without people having to read, they’re easier to get the emotional resonance of it, seeing the resonance of a hamburger or a girl dancing or a cake or something, or a, you know, a pop of fireworks is a lot more actually clear than what we would say.

I feel fireworks. He could, I could be taken a million different ways, but the picture is very clear, right? And it’s also doesn’t feel as personal.

Somebody else made that emoji. So I would stick with emojis and I would not invest in long back and forth all day text messages that makes it easy for him.

You want him to get on the phone, the effing phone. You want him to get on the phone and FaceTime you. You want picture. You want faces.

You want smiles. You want to see the background of where he is. He wants to see the background of you. You want to get him over. You want to get connected. You want to meet for coffee in the middle of the day.

You want to meet for food in the middle of the evening. You want to meet at the market to get your errands done together. You want to If you’ve got kids, you know, you just take your kids to the market and you want to say hello. This is what works.

These long text conversations don’t nothing but cause more dissonance and more distraction and more disconnection.

So, short feeling messages. Wow, feels good to hear from you. Wow, this son is amazing. Talk about your experience. Get him wanting to be there with you.

Don’t, if he’s talking about work is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, just say, wow, you sound amazing. Or, I have total faith that you can figure this out or wow, how icky, just that, don’t have conversations.

Okay. That’s really bottom line for me. You’re going to get completely snockered. If you stay in the texts and this is such a, this is such a wild pattern that can hit us through all of the dating phases where we can find ourself going, gosh, I wish something different would be happening.

I wonder, you know, if, if I, you know, if I just keep in here with this conversation, maybe he’ll ask me out in reality.

You can, you can, you can put that first. No, it feels lovely to know. Well, no, if you are getting pulled in to a text conversation, you are falling into your masculine energy of strategy.

In other words, You, your feminine energy cannot get enough from a text conversation because it’s all head stuff. The words come at you and your head has to interpret it in an emotional sense.

When somebody’s in your presence, you could smell them, you could feel them, you can feel the distance, you can actually, because I believe you All we all have quite a bit of intuition and quite a bit of magic about ourselves.

And when a man is standing five feet from us or two feet from us, we can feel the connection, whatever it is, we can feel him, we can feel his intentions, we can feel.

His energy pouring off of him, and we can interact with that. It is impossible to interact through text. And what happens is if you’re getting pulled into that, you are getting pulled into your masculine energy into, Oh, I want to make this work. Oh, he wants to talk. I’m going to keep it going so I can keep the relationship going.

Don’t. Do it. Stay in your magical feminine sense. Oh my gosh, stay in your emotional quick, you know, three words in an emoji. That’s it. And if he stops texting you, that tells you all he was looking for was a text buddy. Or you could say stuff like, I miss you, or it would feel amazing to smell you.

It’ll feel amazing to see your eyes across, even across the zoom, and if he doesn’t live near you, it’s very hard.

If he lives near you, you can, you know, there’s so many guys near you. If you live in a very quiet town, yeah, I know it’s going to be an issue, but there are tons of small town romances. That’s the backbone of the world. So you really want To open up to men on online dating who live near you. That’s why Tinder’s great.

There’s a kind of a distance thing. You want to stay with men who are around. And if you want international men, you’re going to have to circular date like crazy because it’s going to be all zoom. Right? It’s going to be all hope.

It’s going to be all strategy. You don’t want to go there. You have to circular date men who are right here.

You can go to a bar and meet, meet with, that you can drop at a hamburger joint and get some french fries, you know, on your way home. Each of you.

You can meet at the market. You can meet at, um, Some great game places. You can meet a store. You can meet so many, uh, stores now have cafes in them. So many cafes are near to stores.

You don’t have to make a big plan. You can run into each other for half an hour, 15 minutes, a park, a park bench, bring water, bring cookies, bring french fries.

There’s all kinds of creative ways that you will be much better off connecting and feeding you the growth that you need. And to connect, you need to learn to connect.

We all need to open up. Remember, we talked about the shutdown, grief part, the part where you are getting involved in these kinds of distancing relationships because you’re afraid. I’m afraid. Natalie is afraid. We’re all afraid. We were taught from early childhood to be terrified of relying on another human.

As babies we had to rely on another human and we were all disappointed. And it happened throughout school. It happened our entire lives. We have been let down and disappointed. Some of us have been super lucky, but most of us are guarded. Most of us are, take a step back. We play close to the vest. We are not willing to be vulnerable.

We’re willing to chat and talk, but we’re not willing to be where we actually are. And I want to tell you, if you could just right now drop down into your sense of grief, your sense of Life and time passing, your sense of fun, your sense of everything that you are, your purpose, who are you, what are you doing here, ask yourself, what do I love, what makes me feel alive, what makes me feel good.

What do I actually feel like doing this minute? What am I actually doing? What’s the difference? Ask yourself these questions. You’re going to find a lot of feelings you don’t want to feel and you want to go into those and fall in love with those in order to build on your energy. You want to take those pieces in and make them part of yourself.

So you got a lot of building to go. You got a lot of entertaining, a lot of inclusion of yourself to go. Right. Before you start arranging things or wanting him to do something, there’s a lot of clarity to get inside yourself. And it’s not like long term.

This is the fastest way to go. Soon as you get this kind of clarity and more flow and more inside yourself and more touch with your bodily sensations and your sexuality and your feelings and your all the different parts of your body and you can feel connected to them.

You start radiating differently, and he starts behaving differently, and then we clam up, and we push him away, and we think it’s his fault. No, it was us.

And this is where you want to be. So don’t engage in anything that furthers The disconnection. Now, if a guy’s been away for a while and he comes back texting, well, that’s obviously an engagement.

That’s obviously an improvement. So stick with the emojis and, uh, I feel the sun on my face. Whoa, you sound amazing. Wow, I’m so sorry. Short. Don’t tell them about the world, don’t tell them about your conundrums, don’t give them your shopping list. Also, if you feel like you’re holding back. See, what is it about holding back?

I’m holding back my real feelings, which is, I want to get off the text and on to seeing you live. That’s the truth, right? Everybody ask yourself that. Isn’t that the truth? I want to feel you. I want to feel loved. All this other stuff is just like a pathway for me. And I’m, I’m investing in the pathway because I want the end.

Well, let’s just jump right to the end. I want to feel you next to me. If you said that to a guy, he would feel it right away. I want to feel you next to me. I want to feel your body. Whoa. Do you feel that? I want to feel your breath on my face.

I want to feel your heat. You start saying things like that from the truth. If you just say it, but you feel all closed down, not going to work. But if you feel the truth of it, and you say that, he’ll be there in a hot minute.

So what we’re doing is we’re not blaming ourselves. We are instead giving ourselves the clue to tune into the magic. The feminine energy is the feminine energy magic. It’s magical because it’s not run by your head. Everything run by intuition and your heart is considered magical. Really? Like where did that come from?

Where did that thought come from? Where did that feeling come from? Oh my gosh. Magic. So speak those. You know, I want to feel held by you.

I want to feel held. I feel like I’m coming apart right now. I’m feeling really Discombobulated and chaotic, and it would feel amazing to have your arms around me. That is really hard to get blame across with that one, right?

But in order to say that, you gotta actually be genuinely feeling that. You gotta let him see it. Now remember, I, I was an actress my whole life.

I come from an acting Background, and I was not a good actress because I was so shut down. So if I was to say, I want to feel you next to me, I would say it in the most best way I could.

I want to feel you next to me, but I wouldn’t feel it. I wouldn’t feel it. There would be a disconnect. Between my feelings and the way I said it, I was really good at saying things and I was also good at saying things in ways that mimicked emotions or that connected with another emotion. Like I could connect with humor all the time.

I could connect with some feelings that were close to the deep feelings, but that’s not what acting is. Acting is feeling the deep feelings and letting you see them.

So you want to do that with him. And after a while, you’re going to find yourself crowded by a bunch of guys who want a piece of what you’re offering, which is heart, real heart, real feelings, real emotion.

It is so sexy. It’s unbelievable. What men miss in sex, I’m going off and smoothing, is connection. Believe it or not, that’s how men connect. Yeah, they want all the activity, but they also won’t go to the gym. You know, they don’t, they feel a lot. Lifting weights is a lot of endorphins happening when you work out, right?

Well, so they’re going to feel endorphins working out with you sexually, but when they feel a connection, it’s amazing thing.

They don’t want to feel an athlete with them or somebody who’s good at that, or somebody who’s doing something nice for their body. They want to feel your passion. They want to feel your, your insides coming out.

They want to feel you lose control of yourself. They want to feel you bouncing off the walls out of control. Is this a shot? Well, jumping around. Bouncing off the walls out of control feels like a very hard way to live for a moment to moment.

I mean, how do you work? How do you do anything? How do you talk to anybody, but being able to feel that you can do that and go that deep and go that completely untethered.

really allows you to a lot more space between that and just going from your head in the text. All of a sudden the text feels like the other end, doesn’t it? Feels like the most masculine thing you can do. And it’s true. So the connection has to happen from you inside you.

So practice, you know, pleasuring yourself where you are bouncing off the walls and completely letting go and go, wow, it’s something and, and discover what it was that you did with your body that allowed you to do that.

And it wasn’t that there was nobody there because almost all of us have the same restrictions on ourself when we’re alone. Anybody have trouble with that? If you’re a good crier, if you allow the cries to come out and the tears to flow, go with that. Start with that and see what is happening when the tears flow.

Are they a surface? response that your body’s able to do, or can you feel the deeper well in there? So that would be a good first experience for you if you’re good at crying. If you’re good at anger, go back into that. So this takes time. You have to kind of Make some me time. That is the hardest thing in the world for me.

Me time to really go into what the heck is this feeling that’s making me think this and not try to control it to the opposite. Falling in love with it. I hope I didn’t go too far off topic. You’re probably going to get me back on, Natalina.

There’s so much. There’s so much to this and I don’t know if we’ll have time today, but coming back to how all of this also works inside of marriage and a long term committed relationship.

Where disconnect is happening and you’re wanting that reconnection feeling, you’re wanting to feel that emotional bond together.

You’re wanting to feel seen, you’re wanting to feel heard, but for whatever reason, maybe you’ve hit that point in your life where you’re needing to reflect your partners in a, in a place where they’re needing to reflect on what it is that they want.

That’s. Not a comfortable place to be whether it’s yourself who’s needing to do that reflection or seeing your partner who’s not feeling so sure of themselves anymore and it’s kind of coming out in the relationship. How are you able to reconnect. Well, add on to everything that I’ve already mentioned and you have.

Brilliantly put into words that are actionable and easier to understand and clear. In a marriage, the patterns just get established. There’s no sense of newness, so you have patterns of, he does that, you do that, then you shut down, then he shuts down. Simple. So somebody’s got to stop it, he’s not going to.

So you have to at some point stop your shutdown, and you have to at some time stop looking at him and making it about him, and being angry with him, or wishing he’d do something else. You’re going to have to Do circular dating. Now, circular dating is not about shutting him out. It’s about opening you up.

It’s about you having adventures, and adventures can be outdoor adventures. They can be new things. They can also be new spaces inside you, spending time actually going deeper, when you really rather just go, and I just want to go do that.

And I’m not talking meditation. Meditation sometimes holds the space for you to get into more yourself, and it allows you to get used to spending that kind of time with yourself.

Yoga, exercise. But really, the key is when you’re feeling something strong, that’s your moment. When you’re feeling anger, or you’re feeling frustrated, or you’re feeling anxious, we all feel a lot of that, right? Anxious, or feeling overwhelmed, that’s the moment you stop. Stop, where were you already?

Overwhelmed. Breathe into it. You can box breathe into it. You can, you know, breathe in, hold, breathe out, hold, breathe in, hold. And if you start to shut down after that, don’t do that. Go back into the feeling, the horrific. The stronger the feeling, the easier it is to get to the bottom of it. See, because you just go backwards.

Like the anger turns into just pain so quickly. It turns into, uh, you know, I’m angry with him because he’s not doing this. He’s just, he just walked away from me. He’s just watching TV. Why isn’t he? No, he needs to be with me. And then you try to strategize and then you get angry at yourself. And so you feel that and you go, Oh, that’s what I want.

I want to feel wanted. So obviously you’re going to step. Back away from them. You’re just gonna step. Okay. Well, what made me feel that way? I’ll turn around. Well, at the moment things I like to do, listen to music, painting, taking a walk, sitting lying down with my dog. You’re gonna find something pulling a doll, a doll from my shelf.

You know, have things around you that make you feel something. Books, I have a bookshelf that’s all the spiritual books that knock me out right away, put me into a whole nother place. But they’re in a special place, and I have dolls and stuffed animals. Stare at one and bingo! Or you might feel a shutdown and go, Whoa, I just felt the shutdown clue.

There’s something I’m hiding from myself. So you go back into that hidden place. And if you start digging, you’re probably going to shut down more. So just say that was a good session. Okay. And then go do something as fun as you possibly can, even if it’s not perfect. You know, picking up things from the floor, washing a few dishes in the sink.

Sometimes I wander around and just do a bunch of cleanup until I start to feel into something. And then the first time like you feel like doing something, and if you’re at work, that’s fine, do a little paperwork, do a little this, that, walk around, and all of a sudden you feel like, I’m going into the bathroom.

I’m staring at the wall, remembering something that happened two years ago. I’m putting weight on it. Why? Because I’m still missing that right now. You know, some people talk about having purpose. What is my life about? Ask yourself those big questions and you get into your head. Just go into the feeling that’s waylaying you right now.

Go on down as much as you can. Soften your body. It will heal you enough and make you energetic enough that it will shift his pattern. Now would you shift your pattern? He shifts his. One of my big tools is if you change your dance steps, he’s going to change his. You may be following him, but if it’s like following him down the wrong path, you change yours.

He’s going to trip and all of a sudden he’s following you. You’re not kicking him. You are following your own dance step. You’re turning your back to him and cha cha ing off.

If you haven’t ever, if you’ve ever heard of ecstatic dance, there may be one in your community. That’s a very interesting thing. So they play music and everybody’s around barefoot in a gymnasium or something and you just dance by yourself. And then people start kind of pairing up and dancing around each other and in groups and doing stuff.

And when I used to go to my neighborhood one, I felt horrible because I never knew how to pair up with anybody. And I was always wanting to pair up and I was wanting to talk to some guy. And I was wanting to be wanting somebody to want to pair up to me and be part of a group. Well, my wanting was so strong because that was the solution to my feeling lonely.

So my solution was to strategize and do something. And that was my vibe. People moved away from me because I was so needy. Even though I was like an island all by myself, my vibe was needy. So when your marriage is falling into an old pattern, your neediness is all he can feel as pressure and he’s staying further away.

So turn around, get into yourself, get out there, and shift your vibe into I’m about me right now. I don’t need all those people in ecstatic dance to come towards me. All I need is to dance my effing heart out to that music.

And I started to close my eyes and forget about who’s in the room and stomp because I’m music is loud and take off my shoes and take off my shirts, you know, wear as little clothes as possible and just Go wild and stop thinking about what anybody was was, um, thinking of me at that moment because that was primary for me and notice when I was thinking and fall in love with myself, this was thinking that I mean, this was early on and all of a sudden, you know, everybody starts coming around you.

It is like a magnet when you are not. Hearing what other people think and some people have that naturally. We don’t. We don’t. I know we don’t because we’re here. So we have the work to do of, um, not not caring what other people think, but beginning to care. about what we feel. I should leave it at that.

That was pretty powerful. That’s so powerful. All of this work of, I love how you talked about, if you’re really good at crying, then go in there.

If you’re really good at anger, then start going in there. And we talk lots and lots and lots about how to track yourself, how to feel your way through, how to actually Be using your body as more and more as a receptor place where we’re more aware of what it is that we’re feeling what’s running through our body.

And as, as subtle as it is to say, just start getting more aware of your patterns. Be more aware of what’s going on of the what you’re doing the whole circular dating premise of romancing your life of being present when you go to all of the things that you do in your life like that. truly has a profound impact.

And yes, people will start to gravitate towards you, and then you have more feminine energy options. And then, and then you’re getting more into the, the, the content of what we’re talking about, where you’re like, oh, well, you know, how, how, How, what’s available for interacting with this person who’s now in my space, you know, and you have even more, there’s even more to, to work with this.

It’s so important. Just changing some very, very small things can wind up being a tidal wave of contrast in how things happen and how men are attracted to you. So this is really. I want to put a little coda to that. That was brilliant. Let’s just wrap it up. The whole idea is to reconnect with him, right?

So what we come into this talk with is, I want to reconnect with him. Can you feel that? I want to do something that makes the reconnection happen. Everybody feel that?

Tell me what to do you’re asking me so that I can reconnect us and what we spent this time talking about is how to do. What we do so that he begins the rec, the reconnection so that he gets out of his pattern that is complete turnaround that is totally difficult for all of us to get around, because we lose control we’re giving it up to him.

We are completely in some strange land when we say, I do this for me and then he comes forward. And then if he doesn’t come forward then we go back to scratch. It’s like. That is the hundred percent. Rori Ray method at work. That is the key component. Once you get into how do I make this reconnection happen with him, we are in masculine energy.

We lose. We’re back in our old places. Once we go, I make the reconnection available by making myself available by my willingness to be open. And give up control and be deeper and be wider and say what it is I want and I need to feel. Give the instructions that way as a generalized instruction to the universe.

This is what I need, calling all men. This is what I want. This is what I need. Step up if you want me. That is terrifying. And that is what you’re doing. You are basically saying with a megaphone, this is me. These are my qualities. This is what I love. This is what I want. This is what I want to meet. Yes. And let him sit on the couch.

And then we have words that come from that place. I need to feel some fun right now. I want to feel your breath on me. I want to feel, but it will come from a place of what you just explored of your global summons. Your global summons, and if your ex comes back, great, believe me, your husband will come back.

He’s not going anywhere. He’s coming. He’s coming in. He’s going to pick up and move forward. He is. You need to allow him to do that. So, I hope that was, put the cap on it. Thank you, Rori.

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