How To Shift Your Mind To Love

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IMG_0913I was asked in a Business Siren interview: “What can our listeners could start doing today to shift their mindset to have more money, success, and freedom in their lives?”

My answer was simple:

It’s about “play.”

It’s about considering what you “do” an expression of what you “be.”

And that, whether or not it feels “comfortable” at this moment, Expansion and Extension are happening.

Everything around you and through you is expanding and extending, and the only choice we ever have to make in each moment is if we’re going to get “onboard” with the expansion and extension, or personally attempt to “stop” it.

There seems to always be a door in front of us. That door leads to complete Unknown. We never can know what the next moment will bring, where we’ll be, what will happen.

We all experience fear when we “feel” that door. We want to open it, we want to close it. We want to explore, we want to feel safe.

This is the conflict of being human, when we’re in our heads looking for answers instead of simply following our feelings and then letting those feelings guide us to “action.”

And – the decision to open the door (or shut it if it’s already half open!) becomes a daily experience.

In fact, it happens so many times in a day – often so many times every minute – that we feel exhausted from our battle with “decision.”

Most of the time, we don’t even accept that it’s our decision to allow in the world or shut ourselves down from it (we can’t ever stop the world!), and so we believe we’re battling WITH “the world.”

We believe we’re exhausted by circumstance, by situation, by things outside of our control (and everything is outside our control, except for our own decisions about where we put our attention at every moment).

When, really, we’re exhausted by our inner battle between our head, our body, our heart, and what’s moving through us and around us.

So – the one change that makes all the difference is to choose NOT to “go to battle” one more time.

Instead, to choose to Fall In Love WITH the battle.

To Fall In Love with everything the battle is about.

All the pieces, everything.

This is how the door opens.

All by itself, it gracefully, slowly swings outward, and we’re now in the Unknown consciously, awake and aware of everything about being in the Unknown.

Feelings come up. We feel them. We Fall In Love with them. We sit, we stand, we walk, we talk, we feel the door open.

And that’s it.

Love, Rori

21 Comments

  1.  #1Azure Blu on May 26, 2016 at 7:09 am

    Rori…
    Ohhhh… my!!! I feel so happy reading your words… Expanding and opening the doors! Just what I have been struggling with these past 2 weeks.
    Thank you lovely Siren Leader!!



  2.  #2Azure Blu on May 26, 2016 at 11:47 am

    Rori,
    Love this post! Just what I have been working on… Your explain it all so well…
    Thank you! Expanding and walking through the open doors!



  3.  #3Azure Blu on May 26, 2016 at 11:48 am

    Gee for some reason I didn’t think my first post went through!! My computer is driving me crazy today!!



  4.  #4Femininewoman on May 26, 2016 at 12:52 pm

    This concept seems deep



  5.  #5MissStix on May 26, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    Wow….

    I need to sit with this one for a while.

    And this…

    “Everything around you and through you is expanding and extending, and the only choice we ever have to make in each moment is if we’re going to get “onboard” with the expansion and extension, or personally attempt to “stop” it.”

    I get it. I feel funny about it. I feel it click within me and yet it feels so….Vague.



  6.  #6MissStix on May 26, 2016 at 4:52 pm

    Everything around me and within me is expanding and extending. Am I onboard or am I stopping it?
    I jump right to “I can’t…”
    “I know I can’t just…”
    Just…
    I won’t just…
    Can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Resist, resist, resist.
    Can’t just…
    Go on a date with another man!
    Go to tofino.
    Go dancing.
    Marry a man just because now he wants it.
    Be without committment to a man and just be with men…And see…
    Except that I can just…
    It’s really clear right now.
    If they can just… then i can just…do whatever I want because i’ve been honest and he is choosing where he’s at. And it’s his choice.



  7.  #7MissStix on May 26, 2016 at 5:11 pm

    I feel roving tingles on my skin…Very fine chills running in waves.
    It feels good.

    I feel afraid of something. Pressure myself into “figuring it out”.
    I feel like shaking myself as if it will come tumbling out…
    Fix it mode…
    Step back from that. Breathe. Nothing to fix.
    Nothing is broken.
    Everything is expanding…I feel so uncomfortable yet completely on board.



  8.  #8Millie on May 27, 2016 at 12:39 am

    Wow! This post really resonates with me! I feel alive, fresh, and in tune with myself tonight. Lately I have gained new awareness with my shutting down. Through talking to my coach, I came to this visual that is really working for me and feels really good to imagine. When I feel any kind of rejection of feel “attacked” in a situation, I feel flush with emotion, lately anger and feel a great deal of resistance to being open and surrendering to it. I am in “survival mode” wanting to protect myself from all things. I great stress in my life. I started visualizing two sides of me.. When I feel attacked, my masculine energy, my knight in shining at our wields a sword to protect the fair, innocent, sweet, and genuine maiden that radiates light. She sits on her horse, riding through the forest, but at a hint of danger he steps in to protect her. This visual is soooo helpful for me! Because now I can understand what’s going on inside me better and be able to wrap my head around “loving the battle.” I’m someone that has to understand things mentally before I can apply them to my body and allow my feelings to flow and not retract. I still don’t know how what loving all of me looks like on the outside. But at least I feel like I have taken a step in understanding this idea and now when I feel that shut down anger urge, I know it’s just my knight and I can love him for looking out for me.



  9.  #9Azure Blu on May 27, 2016 at 4:45 am

    Millie#8
    Ohhh… thank you for sharing this tool!!!
    Even thinking about it I feel protected by *ME*
    my boy energy
    I want to practice this tool.



  10.  #10Lilybelly on May 27, 2016 at 5:00 am

    I feel totally all boy energy and truth be told, I am not loving this situation. I am feeling my feelings but funnily, or not, they are all over the place and my head spins.

    Isn’t it okay to be in masculine energy with such a huge task in front of me? I’d love nothing more than to just be with all of this but nothing will get done if I leave it to J and I don’t feel good to sit in limbo land. So I feel like it’s boy energy all day and night.

    Ugh



  11.  #11MissStix on May 27, 2016 at 9:37 am

    I feel a bit manic today…Or exaultant. I finally had a full nights sleep, hooray!
    I feel loads of energy bubbling in me yet my brain is still a bit absent and dazey.
    I hit the floor running at work today now i’m sitting on my break still feeling that urgent go go go pushing up from within.
    Today I told my work partner that I left home and i’m staying with my parents. She’s the first person i’ve told here…It’s not that I trust her lol Just that she’s easy to talk to. I feel indifferent to her telling others. Not worried about it. I didn’t ask her to keep it confidential. I just don’t feel like talking about it over and over to everyone.
    Strangely work guy asked “Anything to report? Any changes you want to tell me about?”
    That was yesterday and there is no way anyone knew anything so he is reading me or something.
    I felt awkward and said “I don’t want to talk about that.”
    So i’ll bet he’s got the picture though.
    That’s my story for now.



  12.  #12Femininewoman on May 27, 2016 at 10:10 am

    Millie I feel jubilant/celebratant (if those are feelings), joyous energy flowing through me reading your post. Its like an aha moment with a light bulb going on just reading about your boy and girl energy. I will be practicing this tool to love on ,myself more. Thank you.



  13.  #13Millie on May 27, 2016 at 11:24 pm

    Thank you Femininewoman and Azure!!! Love that my visualization tool resonates with both of you as well!

    More understanding has been bubbling up to the surface that I feel excited to share! Through the lens of this tool…when a feeling comes up and often times a belief surfaces with it as well, I have been trying to identify where the words and feelings are coming from. Who is saying/feeling this? My knight or my lady? For example, M came to mind today and I reacted to myself having a thought about him with anger. “Who gives a sh*t about that guy. I want to hit him, I don’t ever want to see, hear, smell, be around, know about, him again.” Wow, that was a very very strong reaction to just a small memory being triggered. I definitely hear my knight speaking those words, wielding his sword, keeping potential danger and pain out of my maiden’s heart. In paying attention to this…in just a short time, I have come to the realization that most of my *energy* is with this knight right now. The maiden doesn’t really have much of a platform to speak. He doesn’t let her. My knight is dominating about 80% of my thoughts and energy in this phase of time. I’m glad I can see this, because I have been leaning back, practicing feeling messages, and have really “let go” of chasing men, (I don’t have any urge to chase anyone anymore or seek out casual sex in lieu of a relationship. I feel great pride in that and also feel it is a huge 180 step for me), however my *reality* really hasn’t been changing in the ways I have wanted. I have assumed that I’ve been in my Feminine Energy and at the same time frustrated that NOTHING is happening! Now…does that sound feminine?? Haha, no!! The fact that I *thought* I was being feminine is just ironic as you can get!!! What really has been happening is that there are two sides to my masculine side as well. I have determined this… one is masculine active and the other is masculine passive. The masculine active is doing energy, and the masculine passive expects results by not doing. Let me see if I can explain this feeling. My masculine active wants to protect me, but it goes passive when it takes on this attitude of expecting feminine energy results by standing there in front of the maiden with his arms crossed. He stands there and says: “See I’m not doing anything and you still aren’t attracting love. See this isn’t working. This feminine thing isn’t working. You need me to stand here with my arms crossed and keep the losers out and no I’m not chasing or going after anyone for you, I’m being good, I’m taking you off these dating sites, I’m choosing for you to stay home tonight, I am isolating you because all this stuff that is supposed to happen isn’t happening.” That’s a mouthful, but I hope it makes sense to someone out there because it IS making sense to me!! I believe this is the energy that shines through that inspires men to call me a brat. This masculine passive voice sounds bratty! He sounds petulant!! Like a child, pouting in the corner that momma didn’t give him his candy and now he is being punished and doesn’t understand why. This makes perfect sense to me. So between the Knight and the petulant Lancelot, there is the maiden. Who is she? I have to come to think that I really don’t know her. Today I had a day off and it was such a beautiful day. I felt so happy and peaceful! I went shopping, got coffee, enjoyed the sun on my shoulders… I felt so beautiful and smiled to myself. I did all the things I have wanted to do on my free day. I felt my maiden come out to enjoy the sun. Of course these male energies are dominating her, she is very sweet and quiet. My Maiden doesn’t need much to smile actually. She loves nature and exploring, sips of coffee, people watching, smiling at children, looking through bookstands, smelling flowers. She likes to just be. I see it now. I feel it now. Poor thing doesn’t get to have a voice much, but when she does I really like it. She isn’t expecting any results, in fact she has no hurry to go anywhere or do anything. It’s moment to moment. Being in feminine energy *to me* feels very simple and uncluttered. Sure, emotions get messy, but when the male dialog stops, when I breathe, and FEEL…I feel better! It feels really good to be able to recognize this in myself!!

    So all of this wonderfulness happened and then my guy friend T and I had plans to meet up and train together. He called me as I was on my way up. He had planned our meeting the day before and also asked if we could go to dinner after, so when he called he asked how this place he picked out sounded (I wanted to go somewhere new) and then he made reservations since it gets crowded. Great! I felt so excited and happy and taken care of by him! Wonderful! When I get to the destinnation, one of the workers there was surprised to see me and how nice I looked today. He kept talking to me and complimenting me even though I had to get ready. I was enjoying talking to him even though in the back of my mind I know T would be upset if I wasn’t ready on time. I felt so happy today and T just crushed it as I walked up to him. He was upset with me for not being ready on *his* time, for this, for that, whatever. I asked if he was in a bad mood and he said how funny because he thought I was by our phone conversation. What??? I felt really perplexed because I felt good about our phone conversation! What bad mood?! Long story short, today I could see boundaries of where my emotions are and where his are, and how in the past I have been allowing my boy energy to take over, even adopting some of T’s boy energy! Today, I didn’t go into a negative head space, I felt very flowy and didnt want to be constrained by time or by his expectations of me. I noticed that when I didn’t shut down, I could see clearly how T actually wasn’t being very nice to me. Actually how he was treating me wasn’t ok with me! He expects a lot from me, and sometimes I just want to relax and have fun. I can see how his issues play into my issues and trigger a self-beating. After we were done working I didn’t beat myself up or *do* anything. I just let it go and moved on to the next moment. You know what he said to me… “You are not yourself today!” He asked what was wrong…I said nothing at all! In fact I had a great today and I’m loving being here, feeling the sun and breeze at dusk here. I’m happier today than I usually am!! It does scare me that he mistook my happiness for a moodiness…I had to laugh! But I’m going to take it as he noticed something was different, but couldn’t put a finger on it, and also expected me to act a certain way, so he was predicting it…and I also think he has some of his own little demons to face that come out onto me. The important thing is that I can see a delineation and what I have control over.

    Dinner was wonderful. He was very sweet, putting his hand on my leg :0 and titling his head to lean into me. I could tell he was very happy that I loved his choice of restaurant and we had a good conversation at dinner where I address his behavior and he acknowledged it. I do think in order for us to work better as a team, I will need to continue strengthening my emotional boundaries and let him know, in a non-shutting down way, when I don’t like how he is speaking to me. The great thing is our friendship is pretty strong and open.

    So that was my wonderful day sirens! Hoping for more wonderfulness this weekend!



  14.  #14Liquid Light on May 28, 2016 at 3:51 pm

    Millie

    I am just so inspired and excited by what you posted! You sound amazing! I absolutely love your new attitude and mindset. Just so cool!

    It doesn’t surprise me that your friend was surprised and thought you were in a odd mood. Hahaha! He sensed the changed in you and was, at least initially, threatened by it. But it sounds like he warmed up to you. And why wouldn’t he, you sound like an absolute diva who is in love with herself. LOVE IT!!! You go girl!!!

    I also really love the part about honoring your boundaries!! It shows that you have respect for yourself. He sensed it too, and was attracted to that! YEAH!!!!

    Anyway, this isn’t really about him, its about you! But it really is so interesting how quickly the dynamic changed between the two of you because things have shifted in your mindset. It changes everything! So very cool! Expect the unexpected!!! 🙂



  15.  #15Liquid Light on May 28, 2016 at 4:00 pm

    I just had the most amazing experience…

    I was sitting outside having coffee with a girlfriend and noticed a cute guy walk into the coffee shop. We made eye contact and I flashed him a smile. He acknowledged me and smiled back.

    A little while later, he sat down at a table that is adjacent to our table but inside. I smiled at him through the window, and he smiled back.

    The next thing I knew, he got up came outside and walked over to our table and introduced himself! My friend was about to leave and so she excused herself. He sat down and we had an amazing conversation! It was so much fun. He’s really a positive, attractive and fun guy!

    He got my number.

    OMG the whole experience was just such a blast. The Rori Raye tools really work (5 second smile technique 😉



  16.  #16Azure Blu on May 29, 2016 at 11:42 am

    Millie
    WOW!! you are so inspiring…
    Millie… I feel so intrigued by your discovery of the dual sides to your masculine energy…
    It makes so much sense!!
    YES!! I’m thinking that leaning back is SOOO feminine… but when it is coupled with “so now where is the result I WANT!!!”
    it is VERY masculine! Ahhhhh… I love it when the curtain is lifted!
    Thank you for taking the time to write this and share with us on Siren Island!!
    You’re a gem!!
    and soooo cool how you are slathering ALL that self love on you! and the amazingly quick results…
    and How expanding to see our part and then SEE THEIR PART (which hase NOTHING to do with us!!! :-))
    and then feel the emotional intimacy that occurs when we share our genuine feelings
    Ahhh… loving how this was experienced by you and T and what a great relationship to practice all this on!!



  17.  #17Azure Blu on May 29, 2016 at 11:45 am

    liquid Light #17
    Such a Flirty story!!
    What a Siren… using the 5 minute Smile technique!!! You worked it like a pro!
    Just like a story out of a movie!!!
    It is so inspiring to read how your life is blossoming and you are shinning brightly
    Lovely Siren!!!



  18.  #18Liquid Light on May 29, 2016 at 5:31 pm

    Thanks Azure! I so appreciate your encouragement and enthusiasm!

    Yes, it really was like a movie! He’s very tall and handsome, and was just being so masculine and bold when he came up and introduced himself! It made me feel very feminine!

    I really enjoyed his positive energy. It was so refreshing, and its exactly the type of vibe and want to project. The more that Byron Katie’s The Work is sinking in, the more I realize that I am entirely responsible for my world because its entirely created by me! This is both really empowering to realize and also really scary. Because it means I am also entirely responsible for my happiness, and can choose how I respond and interpret situations every second of the day. Really mind blowing and so cool!

    Anyway, I think we were both responding to each other’s vibe, and the whole encounter was just so surreal, it felt like a dream. We were both just totally mesmerized by each other and completely in the moment. It was amazing!



  19.  #19Shannon P. on June 1, 2016 at 10:53 am

    Hi Rori,

    I don’t know if you remember me. A couple of years ago, my ex kicked my daughter and me out into a homeless shelter. She has diabetes, and it was really a tough time.

    Since then, I’ve struggled, but things are getting much better. However; one issue I have is that I’m so all over the place about men. I feel really disinterested when I’m out in the world. I’m 44, and I only seem to attract men who are in their 30s and want some fast fun, or men who are in their 60s and I’m not very interested in.

    Also, men keep telling me, “I suddenly realized you’re a woman!”

    It’s like they wake up one day and I’ve grown boobs or something. I try to be soft when I’m around men, but they don’t seem to notice me as a woman, even if I dress nicely and feel happy. Once in a while, I feel sad about that.. (like today), but then I start thinking about trying to find someone, and I just shut down. It’s like I suddenly would rather eat my own toenails than have a man around… it’s back and forth with me.

    And I know part of it is that I’m still in a lot of pain about how often in my life I’ve been abandoned. I feel very emotionally fragile, and sometimes that pictures itself in distrust of men, and other times in this overwhelming neediness.

    I feel like a total mess, and I’m completely alone except for every other week when I have my daughter. Men don’t ask me out, and when I flirt with them, they tend to push me towards other men! “Oh, hey, you should go ask out Ken!” (Who’s 20 years older than me).

    I’m starting to feel ugly, old, and unlovable… Men seem to want to be in my company, but when it’s time to go, they start telling me who I should date. The last guy I dated quit dating me entirely, just quit calling. Then he told me recently in an email, “I thought you’d be happier with C”. Who, by the way, is a massive turn off in his personal habits (I literally didn’t know what a snot rocket was before I met this guy, I kid you not; and I won’t tell you about his public urination habits).

    I’m so confused, not only about men right now, but about my own feelings. I feel like I’d like to date, but I couldn’t get a date to save my life, anyway–I haven’t been asked out in over a year now. I don’t even know what I’m asking, except maybe, am I broken? Should I just accept that I’m not really dating material and move on? I’m not interested in going online and hunting men down. I tried for a while, but while I got rare contacts here and there, it never went anywhere.

    And honestly, my ex moved on before he even told me about it. I guess a part of me would really like to move on and not be irritated every time I see him, because I have someone of MY own to think about instead of be thrown for a tailspin by every little infantile game he plays (seriously, he’s marrying this woman, why doesn’t he just leave me alone? Sorry, sidebar to the whole thing, lol).

    So yeah. Am I broken? I know you say that no one’s too old, but I really feel like I’m being treated like I’m very unattractive. I have a small bit of a baby belly, but I’m not that unattractive. I don’t think…



  20.  #20Zara on June 3, 2016 at 8:06 am

    ((( Shannon )))

    xxx



  21.  #21Lotus on June 15, 2016 at 4:56 pm

    Rori – thank you so much for writing this and feeling into all of this, helping me to make sense of what I’ve been feeling this week too. I have been struggling with the battle, the inertia – the energy being stuck around open doors where the walls are painted grey, the dullness of being still. Feeling stagnant and bored, hemmed in. Feeling a shift inside me to make things happen. But forgetting to just ‘be’ more. Go for a walk and be, go stand in a park and be.. And let the feelings flow. Fall in love with chaos. How do I fall in love with the bad feelings..?? Fall in love with the bits in between… All is expanding, move with it.. Breathe..!
    Millie – your posts have really made me smile. Thank you for sharing. Really delightful!