How To Stop A Sense Of Urgency From Wrecking Your Life! VideoCast!

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What is normal attachment when we’re in a new relationship and it starts getting really exciting, but then he backs off a little bit. What’s normal? Because in all of these situations, our urgency is getting kicked up.

What should we do? What can we do?


Here’s the Video Transcript!:

What should we not do when we start getting an awareness of the, of the urgency that comes, that comes up here. So urgency and what, what can you expect and what can you do?

Okay.

It’s not like, Oh, there’s a man now my urgency kicks in. No urgency and anxiety and the sense of rushing through and of having to get somewhere and of being late or missing something are all happening throughout our entire lives.

Every minute, including when we are sleeping. Oh. Darn right. You’re in your dreams and your nightmares will tell you that. Are you running from things constantly and you can’t find the phone? Or are you having a really warm, sexy, unfolding dream? Well, everything’s a clue. So in order to fix the urgency with a man, you also have to be conscious and aware of how you’re treating urgency in your life.

So start with how you speak. Are you speaking like a mile a minute like this? I know when I get excited, I talk like that and I can feel the pressure. Like no matter how much I lean back, if I’m talking fast, I am in a state of urgency and my breathing changes literally. If you were to breathe in and out or do, um, nervous system regulation, breathing techniques, You would be paying attention to your breath.

When I am feeling urgent or when I used to feel urgent doing breathing exercises or meditations didn’t work for me at all because I concentrated on my breath and then I just felt the urgency even more and I felt like I could breathe. Now I can sense the actual slowing down and the pleasure of a long in breath And a longer exhale.

And it doesn’t feel so scary. So it’s about basically regulating your parasympathetic nervous system, the nervous system you don’t have charge of. So this is a big deal, and it’s for a whole program and a whole other discussion about ways to do it. Breathing regulation, breathing, fun things help definitely, because you can do them with your sympathetic nervous system, which means you can do it with you in charge.

I breathe in for 4, 1 3 4. I breathe out 4, 5, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I control that right? But what it does is it signals the parasympathetic. So when you don’t control, it’s simply, it signals the vagus nerve. It does all kinds of stuff to your system. Fun, right? It’s kind of fun to think that you can reach into the 90 percent of you that you’re not conscious of.

I mean, all of us have a subconscious running our entire lives and we’re not even aware. So the more we can get into it through our feminine energy intuition. And through our, the way we do things, the way we eat, do we eat slowly or do we throw it down? Well, just from what I’ve said so far, you can imagine if you eat fast and shove food down like you have to get past it, you are signaling your parasympathetic, which you do not control, to rush.

To be urgent. So the first thing I want you to do is do what you know, we really like to do here in science school and what I have found to be one of the most powerful things ever. We call it change everything. But essentially, get a piece of paper, I’m going to sneeze any minute, I think I might be allergic to my cat that I’ve never been allergic to talk about your parasympathetic nervous system.

So, I’ll just blow. I’ll pretend I’m sneezing and let’s see if my brain thinks that that did the job. It’s not an awful thing. That’s a really great thing. You know, when you feel like you want to sneeze, but you just can’t, you can’t get behind the sneeze and sneeze it out or yawn. Same thing. That’s what I’m talking about.

Crying too. Crying. Can’t get to the crying. Something stops it. So think about all those things that are stopping you from a release orgasm. All the things that are stopping you from release. So we got a list there now, the things that are stopping me. So what you want to do is get on a piece of paper, get on a spreadsheet, not write things down.

You can write down anything. You write down your temperature, you know, take your temperature 10 times a day and just be curious about that. You can see when you wanted to yawn, but it didn’t happen. You wanted to cry, but it didn’t. It just couldn’t get over that little. hump, like a mountain climb. It’s like a mountain climb, getting up to the sneeze or the cough or the, or the yawn, and, and you’re going up the mountain, and then there’s this curved thing sitting up.

You have to get over it, and then you stop. So I always do pretend sneeze after like, okay, I pretend sneeze. That’s cool. That helps. Sometimes it just loosens up the situation. How do we stop ourselves? When we tighten things, tighten up muscles, tighten up our brain, seizes things that we are not really generally aware of.

And this is where modern siren comes in on your awareness. Most of you know the tool tracking now from your six tools. If you haven’t ever heard of it, write us, you know, just write an email and we’ll make sure you understand what they are and get into the right program or right introductory something in order to get get those materials.

Because those are like crucial things being, what do you need to be aware of? What muscles are shining in your body? Where are you holding onto your breath? When are you stopping yourself from breathing? When are you rushing talking? When are you rushing talking? When are you leaning forward? When do you feel everything dropping down into your body?

And wouldn’t it be nice if you could feel that way a hundred percent of the time? And if you did, We would just feel like crying, too, all the time. It feels like that comes on, that sad, that’s the right thing. It’s just a feeling of being moved, all of a sudden something loosens up and for some reason it, it appears as sad.

You know, you don’t need to label anything, just any feeling, any sensation is a good thing. Right. So we’ve, we’ve hit the, the, the urgency on a much deeper level, right? Okay. So once you got a handle on that, and I’m just saying you, you’ll cure it and you’re no longer urgent when things are upsetting or there’s a deadline, or, uh, you have to be on time somewhere and you’re not even teeth brushed and hair combed, which can be really, really intense and, and very adrenaline.

Doing which is a whole other thing that we need to talk about with siren of the hip your hormones and your adrenaline and how that. Whole system basically is ingrained in your system and it stops all your other good stuff. It stops everything. So there’s always something in your system that we’re not aware of that’s blocking the ease and the grace, right?

And we’re always looking for ease and grace. And I’m certainly not the first person who said that. So, I want you to look at that big catch all and start keeping track of when you feel anxious, when you feel urgent. Okay, now let’s go specific. Let’s say that, um, You haven’t heard from him. This is kind of really common.

…you haven’t heard from him. He said he was going to call and you haven’t heard from you. You’re checking your phone every 10 minutes. You’re looking for the text. You’re wondering if you should text him back, text him yourself and say, Hey, what happened? Or how are you doing? Or did you get hit by a car or, which is where we go, right?

So that urgency that we are used to in our system. Even the unconscious part, the parasympathetic part, just kicks in. It just kicks in. So we want to use that moment to kick it back out. Overwhelming grief. Oh my gosh.

Well, first of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t think of anything more to And then losing someone you love and then feeling that whole grief thing of anger, depression and disappointment and, and abandonment and everything and just the empty space. And there are many people you know to talk to and you just want to talk to people who have experienced it.

And I thank God have not. And I don’t believe Natalina has. Oh, not, not, not happening right now. Um, I know, uh, I work with Sark, who I love very much, and I know that that is a part of her very recent past, just exactly the situation of losing her beloved partner. And now she, a few years later, she has a new partner and she’s getting engaged.

So you have all the hope in the world. To get past this, and yet all the grief in the world to work through. So, rather than urgency, which is, can I get past this as fast as possible, right? Yes. That instead of getting past this moment as fast as humanly possible, you’ve got to sink into it. Now this is the modern siren feminine energy solution for everything, which is Sink down into the feeling.

I know that everything you’ve been taught tells you the opposite. Tells you to rise above it. Tells you to give yourself an affirmation that you can do this. Tells you that you’re stronger. Tells you that the world is wonderful. Blech! No, you’re not going to believe that. And your subconscious is certainly not.

It’s a baby step process. It’s like, yeah, the world is wonderful, but first Let me just look at this leaf. Let me just look at this leaf and see if my body can. Oh, I understand. Fat your brother. I totally hear that. And I am so sorry. And I, I know. that I can’t, you know, give you a solution right now, but I can give you a start.

It’s let it take as much time as it needs to take to feel better. Don’t try to feel better fast. Don’t try to get over it. Don’t try to understand it. Yeah, just feel through it. That is actually the fastest way for things to resolve themselves. And, and understanding is not something that is ever going to happen for any of us.

Uh, which is another thing we need to talk about, which is your life philosophy. I mean, I have been toying with my idea of God and my idea of what the bigger thing is and what I’m doing here, and it seems to change as I get older. It seems to shift, and the Course in Miracles, which you know I’ve always been completely, you know, in love with, is starting to feel a little hollow to me.

Because I can’t really get behind basic tenet of it anymore. My view is shifting. I’m more New Age y in the way of seeing everything, rather than seeing everything as an illusion. I’m quite enamored of the cosmos. And I I think I need to experience it all as real, as opposed to an illusion. If you know anything about the course of miracles, we can talk about that another time.

I’m going to give you lots of little bits here. All right, but let’s get back to urgency. So by looking at the leaf, that’s enough. Look at the leaf and then find out if your breathing slows. Find out if the tension in your head that’s going slows down a little bit, if the ringing in your ears gets a little quieter, if you’re breathing feels less grabby.

And then lowering it all down into your belly and then lowering it all down into your vagina, lowering it all down into your legs and your feet and starting to feel your whole body as a whole. Now, now, right now, I’m holding up my arms so I can feel the tension right here. So I’m going to feel it. Oh, now I got to let my arm down.

Right now. I could feel it still kind of bound up in there because that’s what that muscle did. And when I’m speaking publicly, if you were to speak publicly, you know, how, how your body system shifts to organize that for you. So completely letting your belly go, completely letting all the parts of your body that you noticed.

Holding tension, let them go. That will release the urgency as well, because urgency can’t exist in a ease and grace body or even an aware body. It’s like urgency catches you on awares. But as soon as you’re aware, you become Um, custom to what it is that is causing that feeling to come up in you. So look at the leaf, just stare at the leaf and see how long you can maintain an interest in the leaf before your thoughts start to take you over about him and he hasn’t called.

And then sit and let the thoughts about him percolate in you. Just focus on that. Let that drop into your body. And then here’s your next step. And this is a whole new tool. We’re going to do masterclass, I think December 6th or 9th, one of those days, called the want. And it’s a whole new system called the want.

The want process. And the main word, one of the words, one of the tools that I’m going to focus on is called entertaining or entertainment. So when you’re looking at the leaf, you’re feeling your body. And then you have a thought of what shall I do about this guy? Those are very different imperatives, right?

They’re very different things. It feels like they’re very different. Well, you want to try first to ask yourself, what do I want? You know, this is a long process, but I wanted to start getting familiar with this. What do I want? Well, I don’t want a phone call. That’s just an interim tiny little piece. I want to feel loved.

I want to feel secure. I want to feel relaxed and at ease. I want to feel sexy and soft. I want to feel good. And really do I even care that it’s him? No, it could be a better guy, right? Let yourself actually Fancy that. Wait a minute. The specifics aren’t what I want. I want the feeling. I want to be amazed.

I want a wedding. Do I want a wedding? Or do I just want this feeling of foreverness and taken care of ness? Get down to the real big one, not the little teeny one in the moment. And as soon as you learn how to do that with the process here, and, uh, I’ll let you know when the masterclass is. And then we’re going to do a, like a six week course, one course to really get into what you’re Your, um, system has you do, how you entertain, how things arrive at your consciousness, very different from everybody else.

You are unique, totally. So we want to work just with you in the course, but so you want, so you’re looking at the leaf and you’re thinking about him and you go, what do I want? Well, I do not want to sit in worry and consternation and upset whether or not I should call him. I don’t want to be in that place.

Who wants to be in that place? I know I don’t want that. I want to be feeling relaxed. I want to watch a movie. I want to have some fun right now. I don’t want to spend this time. See, all the don’t wants get involved in there. It takes a while to get down to the real one. Sometimes the don’t wants help. So I want to feel loved by this man, and I don’t feel that, and that makes me feel really sad.

And then we go through all of what that’s causing you. And what happens is the urgency disappears completely because all of a, your system gets, wait a minute, I’m feeling urgent because I’m trying to skip all the feeling part. So let’s call urgency about what to do with a guy comes up because you do not want to feel all these actual important wants that are not getting met.

You want to make a choice. You want to entertain a thought that is in your pattern. Those are all of these patterns. So if I’m thinking and worrying about the guy and if he’s going to call and what I should do and all that, that’s a pattern of mine that involves urgency. So as soon as I walk it back and I start going, what do I want?

Wait a minute. Things will start to shift. The pattern will start to shift and your urgency will disappear maybe for 20 seconds at a time. If you can get five seconds of no urgency. That would be an amazing shift. And then you know what you did and you try and you do it again, and maybe it doesn’t work again.

So you try something slightly different and you entertain a thought that feels better instead of the thought that feels bad. And pretty soon the urgency just goes, okay, I don’t really need to pop around like that. And it just stops. And pretty soon, guess what happens? A better solution comes up for you.

In other words, we create this urgency because we don’t want to go deeper. We don’t know how to do it. Well, with us, you’re going to learn how to do it. And on siren on, you’re learning how to do it by going into your feelings, finding those is the most important, crucial aspect of who you are and expressing that out loud.

Or at least in your own brain, you know, I think out loud is really important for you to riff out loud and get what you want out there rather than what you’re worried about. So, are you going to entertain what you’re worried about, or are you going to entertain what you want. That probably is just like a major aha, mind blowing.

Am I going to entertain what I’m worried about? Or am I going to entertain what I want? Because they are so far apart. When you, I don’t want comes as you sink down and feel, yeah, you see, well, I don’t want that is us beginning of this riffing. It’s a beginning. It gives you a clue. I don’t want to feel this way.

Well, how do what, how do I want to feel? Always ask yourself that those are the problems. What do I want to feel. You may not know what you want to do. Do I want to watch TV? No, I don’t want to paint. No, I don’t want to write a letter. No, I don’t want to do anything. I want to sit here in total stiffness.

You know, all right. Well, now you know that you’re stuck, right? Pretty cool. You just became aware instead of trying to do something that stopped the feeling of not knowing what to do in that moment. Now you, now you know something you’ve covered up. And now you go for the deeper coverups and you just keep saying the one.

And as you. Say, I want to feel warm. I want to feel his hand on my body. You’ll start to feel differently. Your body will respond to the want. The urgency will start to go away. You may feel sensations. You may get turned on. You may decide to go and masturbate. You may decide to do something that is more fun.

You, you may actually entertain a different set of thoughts. The feelings are all over the place. They’re your soup. The feelings are always going to be all over the place. They’re always going to be horrible, wonderful. That is how the soup works. That is how your emotions work. However, what you choose to entertain.

That’s in within your feminine energy power. I can entertain the feel good feeling. Where’d that go? You know, Instead of the horrible feeling. What I mean by entertain, focus on, I don’t want you to focus so much, just want you to Turn your attention. That’s it. What am I paying attention to? Just the way you feel terrible when he doesn’t pay attention to you.

Your feelings don’t feel good when you don’t pay attention to them. And when you don’t pay attention to them, they go haywire and they bounce around. So this is a lot of big, heavy stuff, but I’m hoping that I covered the urgency thing on a bigger way. And when you don’t, you have to go through this back into.

All of the feelings, your feelings and the want trying to solve it by, do I call him? Do I not do what say this? Do I know? The answer is no don’t do. Anything. Think, just from what I’ve said, how much time and energy and focus and fun and entertainment to you. Entertainment, literally, you can have from exploring what, what’s underneath that urgency, which is just a quick way that we’re trying to figure out how to skip all the other work, all the other inner stuff, but it’s not horrendous inner work.

All it is, is discovering what you want in the moment and that will make you feel better. And you’ll get excited and you’ll start to talk fast like me. And you will also be able to go, wait, do I want to talk fast? Like, no, wait a minute. What do I really want? I want to be heard. I want to be self expressed is underneath that.

I just want to say what I want to say. Even if you weren’t there. I would want to say it. Because I can feel the difference when I slow down. And I let my arms relax. If I want you to be able to see this. Arms relax and I’m breathing. I feel better. I feel differently. The impetus is differently. The urgency goes away the second it comes.

To you don’t bat it away. Don’t go. No urgency. No urgency. No, you work back through it again. All right. So that was a whole heck of a lot. Natalina, take us away. Quick recap here. Cause that, that was so, that was so great in the comments, everyone talking about how, how important focus is and how all of this is, is going to help us.

Be with what is truly important so that we can have the deep connection that we want. I wrote my own notes in the comments as well. Let me interrupt for a sec. Okay. All right. Let’s not use the word focus anymore. When we go through the lens of love, which Naomie has just taken over is this amazing thing, Naomi Thompson, the lens of love, the focus of the lens.

Is fuzzy a little bit that’s supposed to be fuzzy. So let’s not focus seems like a very masculine energy zero in thing. What do you want to pay attention to, to notice. And to entertain. So let’s use it. I do, I do happen to use that word quite a bit, but that also gives it a different feeling.

Atmospherically. Let’s try it. So let’s play with that this week. There’s just so much really, really good stuff just from the outside in catching and inviting a new relationship with your inner world. And What you really want to feel is just all some really, really great stuff. Everyone’s very excited for the want program and tools around this.

So, yeah, we’ll leave it here and see you all next week. Love to you all. Rori

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